#anyway guess who just started queen of nothing finally

[bloody-shadow666]

onLY THE C R O W N CAN PARDON YOU

jude

JUDE

"I'm starting to think he messed up with that wording"

J U D E

[vide0-nasties]

Going to be rambling insanely about Ghost and probably what his feelings on the monarchy would be, coming from one deeply damaged povo to another.

Anyway, specifically around the time the parasite in chief in her idiot hat (thanks Eccleston lub u) died and passed said idiot hat on, I was seeing a lot of (fun and gentle-ribbing, mind you!) posts about Ghost getting razzed about the queen croaking and maybe him being sad about it or something - I don’t really remember bc I have shit for brains and I just latch onto what bits my adhd will allow.

SO. I really don’t think Bruv Innit gave two shits about Liz buying the farm, bc he grew up working class in a working class town to a drug addicted, drug peddling dad, and a fairly nondescript mom who likely didn’t have a way to get her and her kids out of that shit situation (per ‘09 MW lore and some presumption). I imagine dude was dragged around a shitload of council estates and his dad’s friends’ shitty crash pads, no stability whatsoever, where food insecurity was a big ass forever-looming deal, mom had no idea if her 20 year old vauxhall was going to make it another trip to her minimum wage part time job, and school was forever on the back burner bc when it came to school supplies/trips vs eating and keeping the lights on. You can guess which one won.

If we’re also going with him being about 35-40ish, he would’ve been 10-12ish or so around Diana’s divorce and then her death. So, here’s this starving, horrendously abused kid, with his starving, horrendously abused mother and little brother, drowning in a system that is pretty much just letting them sink to the bottom, nothing is being done about the evil sperm donor that ruins everything for them, and he’s obliterated constantly by TV coverage and tabloids and radio DJs talking about this goddamned family’s stupid fucking drama. Charles cheated, Diana left, her poor boys in their fancy private schools with their endless wealth and glowing skin and brand new clothes that don’t stink of consignment shops are sad.

Sorrows - sorrows, prayers. 🫶

It’s a story he’s seen countless times, the only difference is money and coverage. And, realistically, the women in the stories he knows aren’t killed in car wrecks, they’re killed by their infuriated husbands who think they’re owed something catching up. Maybe that’s why his mom doesn’t leave the cocksucker that trapped her, she could’ve ended up another council house Diana that no one gave a shit about.

He grows up, becomes a butcher’s apprentice, joins the army. Straightens his brother out, makes sure his mom is set up nice, finally beats the shit out of his dad. And all the while, there looms the most fucking pointless, parasitic family in England: living off taxes taken from the public, god knows how much land and how many castles, even owning all the fucking swans on the island.

Relics, vampires, leeches.

But, you know, twenty years down the road, he’s pushing 40, his services to the country are done in the dark, the family he tried so badly to save were brutally cut down anyway, and when he goes to Tesco, the price of a fifth of piss Smirnoff is insane, and he’s still got Soap swimming in his head mid-rant bc his mam’s fucking knee replacement appeal has been denied for the third time and she can’t even walk anymore, Gaz is moving for the second time in a year bc he just can’t afford to live close to his parents even on his salary, meanwhile there was a stretch where it looked like Philip was surviving solely by being pumped full of virgin blood and straight stem cells.

So, yeah, if anything he probably said cheers when the news broke and cracked a couple extra jokes that day.

“What d’you call one dead Windsor? A good start.”

Edit: This is picking up some traction. @50cal-fullauto-astarion is my CoD blog if you like my Call of Bullshit stuff, this is my main and I don’t really go into CoD here

[quasi-normalcy]

Star Trek series rated by horniness (as rated by me, an asexual, so you know its objective):

Star Trek: The Original Series - what is there to say for the series that invented slashfic, fuck-or-die, and Thiess's theory of titillation in costuming? The universe is full of greased-up pecs and scantily clad women wondering what is this thing you call...love? It's easier to mention the episodes that *aren't* horny. 10/10, for how could it be otherwise?

Star Trek: The Animated Series - It's a Saturday morning cartoon series from the 70s, and yet... 3/10, for the surprising number of scantily clad muscular guys

Star Trek: The Next Generation - Oh, we *start* quite horny; Roddenberry is keen to let us know that the android has a penis in the second episode; but then Roddenberry dies, and by the final season even Troi is wearing a sensible duty uniform. 6/10 for Will Riker, though

Star Trek: Deep Space Nine - We've got Quark's, where the women are scantily clad, the holosuites are for fucking, and the waiters give themselves ear infections from doing too much oo-mox on themselves. We've got Jadzia Dax, who has three hundred years worth of sexcapades in two genders and will tell you about them at the drop of a hat. We've got Bashir and his sad blue balls for the first two seasons. We've got Klingons breaking each other's clavicles to initiate coitus. And we've got an enemy power led by the perpetual mind-melting gangbang that canonically is the Great Link. 9/10

Star Trek: Voyager - Weirdly conservative in its sexual politics. I mean, it goes out of its way to stick poor Jeri Ryan in that body condom, and there's a whole episode about space whales wanting to fuck the ship, and another one about Janeway wanting to fuck an Irishman, and *two* episodes about Pon Farr...actually, you know what? 6/10.

Star Trek: Enterprise - You know what, let me tell you about this series; this series is like a 14-year-old asexual boy boasting about his supposed sexual conquests in the hopes that it will endear him to the cool kids. It doesn't work; there's nothing genuine about it and everyone knows it; no matter how many innuendos he throws in, it's clear that there's no joy in it for him and he'd be happier if he could just go off and read comic books. Secretly, he wishes his friends still wanted to play with action figures. -1/10

Star Trek: Discovery - The show presents us with wall-to-wall gays who just...never seem to shtup each other. Like, I of all people know that sex doesn't define queerness, but...really? I guess maybe they're afraid of being less than wholesome? Anyways, 2/10 for that time that the Emperor went off to fuck a couple of Orions in the middle of a dangerous secret mission on the Klingon homeworld.

Star Trek: Picard - A series so sexless that it can't even show its main canonical couple enjoying each other's company for more than 5 seconds each season. And yet the chaste Jurati/Borg Queen pairing manages to be the hottest thing ever in the history of fiction. Anyway, I guess they technically had Agnes sleep with Rios in the first season, so 1/10.

Star Trek: Lower Decks - Oooh boy, we're at the heavy hitter now, my god. Completely, unashamedly horny. Gene Roddenberry *wishes* he could have done that orgy scene that people on Twitter were freaking out about. 11/10

Star Trek: Prodigy- They're *kids*. 0/10

Star Trek: Strange New Worlds - Not really a lot, surprisingly given their TOS pastiche. Still, we get some stuff with Spock. 3/10.

[kaleidoscope-eyez]

Sylki Fic Recs - August 2023

So, I finally decided to go through the Sylki tag on AO3 and pull out some of my personal favorite Sylki fics! I may have missed a few, but from now on, when people ask me for fic recs, I'm just going to point them right here!

These are pretty much in descending word count order, since that's how I sorted them on AO3. And I think I stopped around 2k words, so things that are less than that don't appear.

(Fair warning: I included some of my own on there, too.)

Enjoy!

Epic Length fics (+100k) – Rated G-T

As Long As You're Mine by Shoalsandsuch*

Welcome to Westview by KaleidoscopeEyez

Heal The Cracks Within My Heart by Chipper99*

Gone, I'm Gone by Shoalsandsuch

Epic Length Fics – Rated M-E

Love & Mischief by Sasquita

The (Mis)Match by Sasquita

skin on skin by Palmarion

Becoming who I was never meant to be (But did anyway) by overIndulgence

A Promise of Peace by neonheartbeat

From Jotunheim With Love by kytsos, Wonderchild90*

Medium Length Multichapters (Up to 100k) – Rated G-T

Baton Pass! (Round 4) - Collab

Of Love and Daggers by litladyloveshp*

Sweet Nothings by Shoalsandsuch

Frost Queen - Collab

Pets are a reflection of the soul by overIndulgence

The Search: A Domestic Adventure by IngridGradient

Life is beautiful by Korsarri, Madam_Violet

Love Child by KaleidoscopeEyez

The Race To Your Heart by navy_bushes 

Sylki Advent Calendar (Baton Pass! Round 3) - Collab

Fire & Gasoline by BeanBarn*

The Lost Goddess by KaleidoscopeEyez

Vivaldi Doesn't Square Dance by LunarDust, preserumping

Somewhere Only We Know by KaleidoscopeEyez

Sylvie and The Beast - Collab

To Make a Heart Whole by Adrift_in_thyme, Aritou

Rotational Symmetry by Neolights, PinkCanary

Delicate by Shoalsandsuch

Loki Actually by Padawan_Writer 

Adventures in Lokisitting by KaleidoscopeEyez*

Our Shared Eternity - Collab

Medium Length Multichapters (Up to 100k) – Rated M-E

How Sweet It Is by Wonderchild90

Frost and Flame by professnerdiness

Into the half light (and through the flame) by BrightBlackTrees

RE: ARRANGEMENT by neonheartbeat

Wherever You Are by Aevianya

We'll Find A Way by professnerdiness

By the Glow of the Rune by IngridGradient

The Providence We Create by amadness2method (CynSyn), overIndulgence 

Perfect Partners by variant001*

Roots and Branches by PinkCanary

Like the Moon Needs Poetry by IngridGradient

Wings - Collab

Not as planned by StrangeNoise*

Seconds from destiny by PicassoPickle

An Heir And A Spare (The Extended Version) by nostalgia

Foundations by BumbleHumbleBee

The Edge of Disaster by PinkCanary

and when you start to feel the rush (a crimson headache, aching blush) by Palmarion

No Prisoners by preserumping

the right kind of madness by Palmarion

Technicolor Dreams by kytsos, Wonderchild90

We're Screwed by kimikokun

Sylki in Suburbia by The_Hourglass_Muse

The strangest power of all by StrangeNoise

Letters to my Beloved by AndySkull

drunk on you by Palmarion*

Concept Art by IngridGradient

The Learning Curve by kytsos*

To Be Felled by You by D_A_Cullum

Torn in Two by UnderwaterArch*

A Marriage Between Realms by professnerdiness

Back to Lamentis by TTerran*

Candy Crush by kytsos, Wonderchild90

i guess that's love (i can't pretend) by Palmarion

The Perfect Lie by Padawan_Writer

The Isle of Mists by preserumping 

When I'm around you by AndySkull

One-Shots – Rated G-T

Bright Purpose by daggerlovie

second nature by neonheartbeat

Cravings by KaleidoscopeEyez

Fire in the Sky by KaleidoscopeEyez 

Bleeding Hearts by Eithniel, KaleidoscopeEyez

Eyes by daggerlovie

The Loki Trap by KaleidoscopeEyez

10,000 Unhappy Meals by UnderwaterArch

all in the golden afternoon by Palmarion

Lamentis-1, 2077: A Return by KaleidoscopeEyez

Time Keeps on Slippin' (Into the Future) by KaleidoscopeEyez

One-Shots – Rated M-E

Insatiable by catalystcomet

slow (how you wanted it to be) by PinkCanary

the word of your body by Palmarion

Crammed by catalystcomet

but you never go away (so I guess I gotta stay) by PinkCanary

The Prince, the Princess, and the Dozen Cupcakes by KaleidoscopeEyez

* Denotes an unfinished/ongoing fic

[aphroditesmoon]

bejeweled

jacaerys velaryon x cinderella!reader

(south asian/east asian coded reader)

a/n: reader's description is not detailed much so u can read this regardless of race, but the reader is heavily inspired by bridgerton's Edwina Sharma vibes<3

warnings: NSFW (minors dni!!), child neglect (?)

°°°°

“Familiarity breeds contempt,

don't put me in the basement

when I want the penthouse of your heart”

•••••

Your hands were rough from washings and scrubbing, yet despite all the hardenings of your will throughout the years, your heart remains soft, an abandoned house neatly waiting for the right householder to enter and brush of it's dusts and polish you whole again.

Tonight you will attend the royal ball hosted by the Queen Rhaenyra in honor of the prince Jacaerys' 9 and 10th name day. You've brought out your prettiest dress and ironed it last night, it wasn't much but it's there.

The burden of today's chores felt lightened as you fantasize of what's to come tonight, not that you were expecting anyone to notice you there, but the idea of being in an actual palace and to blend with such crowd excited you nonetheless.

The sound of laughter and chatter of your sisters started to die down into a nervous silence, you hear Katya's footstep nearing you.

"what the fuck is this?" Her voice sharp, making you flinch. You rise up from the soapy bathroom floor to look at her, holding up your pink floral dress.

"That's my dress. For tonight." You explained with a nervous smile. this wasn't going to end well.

Her eyes widened and she scoffed loud. "Sweetheart, you're not going tonight. Who do you think will have to clean the basement and polish our shoes?" She asks with fake sympathy.

"no-I- I've already cleaned the basement this morning, and everyone's shoes is polished, you can see for yourself".

her mocking look turns angry as she lunges at you gripping your left wrist. "Listen to me you dog, you will not attend tonight's ball with your pathetic excuse of a dress and worn out boots like some farmer and embarass us." She seethed in your face.

Katya had always been the meanest of two of your stepsister's, but her aggressiveness has never not caught you off guard.

You could do nothing but nod, too stunned, trying to break free of her hold on your arm.

She releases you finally and lifts the dress up, an devious look in her eyes as she scans it.

"Safiya." she calls out to her sister who was already descending the staircase. "Gods, is that what you're wearing? Not judging, just try not to talk to me the whole night I guess?" The younger of the two teases, pushing off her auburn bangs behind.

"No you fool." Katya snapped. "It's the girl's. She thinks she has a chance to go with us tonight" She giggled out. Safiya mouth twisted into a mocking shape of trying to hold in her own laughter. She snorted out loud and snatched the dress from her sister.

"Did you make this, [name]?" You nod feeling yourself tremble as you squeeze your fingers together.

"hm"

Her hand reaches the middle of the dress and rips through the fabric.

"NO!" You bursted out, tears exploding as you try to grasp through your dress, being held back by Katya.

"Why not? it's not like you'll need it anyways, you're not leaving this house" She laughed out continuing to pull out the golden beads woven into the dress.

Katya pushed you off and you fell alongside the ruined dress that was later thrown on you.

They side eyed you and slammed the door as they left and all hope died that moment.

The house of your heart feels like it's lost it's key and you're banging on the door for someone to break through to help you break free. Nothing's ever worked in your favor, as if the gods had simply forgotten you were there and now you're lost to navigate a fate-less life.

°°°°

When your father died, you had promised him to protect your little sister Sanjhanaa at all cost. That oath was forced to be broken when she has contracted the fast spreading fever.

You weren't just truly alone to the mercy of the wolves, but even the memories of her and your mother was ripped from you. Your stepmother and sisters had repainted and redid everything in your house, throwing out every remainding object that had belonged to your family. You weren't even allowed to sleep in your own room or your sister's.

No, they had made you sleep in the kitchen by the cinder. A cruel joke.

You were tired of their jokes. You'll show them you know how to have a good time to, They aren't the only ones with such wicked humour.

It's been 20 minutes since they've left the house, the sky already dark, you were sure now you're alone as you push out a small box under broken staircases in the basement.

Your mother's wedding dress was still in tact. A vibrant rose gold colour with embroided roses and wovened diamonds on the stunning lehenga dress.

Mother has always been such a tall woman, I wonder if it'd be too big for me.

The lehenga fit you as if you were born to wear it. Your feet was covered by the fabric as you're still much shorter than your mother but the build of it had complimented your shape and the colours, your skin.

You feel the urge to cry then, to sob your lungs out. Do I deserve this? such memorable piece of garment for a night out in 17 years I've been alive? Does this pleasure and thrill I feel in this dress something I deserve?,

You brushed off your anxiety and tears then.

Enough is enough, you had let them take everything from you. This is the one thing they can only have over your dead body. The hope that still burns in you.

You smash through the locks of the door with a hammer and push the door open.

The moon was bright tonight, as if accompanying you for your little journey. You hold your dress up and you walk as fast as you can with you toe opened slippers towards the palace of your dreams.

°°°°

As much as this celebration was meant got his birthday, he also knew it's just a farce. This whole thing was set up for him to find a w future wife. The Ballroom was filled with lords and ladies from various honorable houses, ready to present themselves at his mother's feet. Jacaerys would do his best to find a match worthy of his family, but so far they've all been ass kissing cunning self benefitter presenting themselves to him.

He wants an alliance that would care for the name of his house as much as their own. After all, his future wife would be his future queen, he would not repeat his grandsire's mistake.

He excuses himself from the current lord trying to persuade him to get to know his daughters, claiming to feel a bit sick, he rushes out the garden to get some air.

He loses the buttons on his coat with red and blue colours, golden embroidery of dragons woven in, the colours of house Targaryen and Velaryon as one.

As he's about to walk in he stops at a halt, noticing a person by the side of the entrance, peeking inside.

She was dressed in such bright colours of pink and dazzling sparkles and beads decorating it. He's never seen a dress so uniquely made, nor has he seen anyone so beautifully created.

The girl had her hair up in messy braids, neatly placed despite not so intricately put.

She seems to be waiting for someone, or something, not entering the feast inside.

He notices her shaking legs and nervous eyes and decided to give it a go.

"Waiting for someone?" His voice louder than intended and he cursed himself in his head for that as she jumps, startled.

She doesn't say anything and just shook her head at him.

"Then why aren't you inside? You must be cold in such weather, come one-" He offers her his arm and a warm smile, hoping it'd calm her down.

She looked at him like she's never see another human being before. And he couldn't tell I he was wary or curious of her, perhaps both. Either way, he intended to get to know her.

She slowly lets their arms tangle and walk inside with him.

No one noticed them at first, and no doubt it would make her uncomfortable when they did, with such awkward being she is, he thought.

"I haven't gotten your name, It would do me great pleasure to know so, if you wouldn't mind" he asks her.

°°°

You give him your name, trying with all your might to hide the nervousness in you voice. A failure it seemed when your voice squeaked and he beamed at you.

You weren't stupid, even if you haven't been out for years except for groceries, you had recognize the colours in his clothes, he was a Velaryon prince and the son of the queen Rhaenyra.

When you prayed for a handsome face for the night and a pair of nice shoes, you didn't think your wishes would be responded with the prince walking hand in hand with you in the ball while you're in your mother's wedding lehenga.

Every step you take since you've walked in the palace had been a dream, one you've never imagines yourself to be in.

The prince had been patient with your shyness, inquiring you of your house name and family. You told him nothing of lies, For you came without expectations, you didn't need to reach some sort of one for the night.

He seems confused when you told him your house name but doesn't question anything.

"I'm not a good dancer I fear" You speak out softly when he asks u for a dance. He jist shrugged grinning from ear to ear.

"me neither, guess we'll figure it out together."

You were so distracted with trying not to stomp on his feet and laughing through the dance you hadn't realized people were switching partners. He wouldn't let you dance with anyone else though.

"You're a fast learner I'd say, faster than me at least, I mean I've been doing this for 15 years and yet-"

His words was cut off as he felt a presence behind him taking him off guard.

Your smile slipped off completely, replaced by a guarded look. He notices how your fingers tighten over his.

°°°°

How in hell did you forgot your stepsisters and stepmother was here.

They masked their rage with charming smiles, introducing themselves to the prince, as your family.

The prince Jacaerys had a suspicious expression as he brush it off and politely exchange niceties with them.

"I would, like to have a word with my daughter if you will, my prince " Your stepmother requests. "Of course, I'll be here waiting " He nods for you to be excused.

So he's expecting you to come back to him then.

As your stepmother's grip on your hand bruises, your heart beats fast with fear of what she'd do to you.

"What the fuck, were you thinking?" She seethed, backing you into a wall, her eyes throwing daggers.

"I just wanted to have one night out, one ni-"

"Well you got it, That's fucking it. If you think I'll ever let you out of my sight after this than think again you brat." She snapped at you. You could feel your eyes fill again.

All the hazy fantasy of the night had broke it's magic on you, reality hits and you realize this was it.

You nod vigorously knowing better than to fight her.

As she pushes you away, telling you to enjoy the night while it lasted, you wipe your tears off with your knuckles and fix your composure to walk back towards your prince.

What a sight to be seen, His hands on Katya's, Their feet moves with the beat and how she gracefully moves them, never once stepping on his shoes.

Your breath hitched and you slowly move step by step behind before he notices you and run out to through the entrance you had entered from before.

As the moonlight lights up the garden you sit in, You let yourself drown in the sobs you've been holding in the whole night.

You reminded yourself this was what you wanted, and this is what you got. Of course they'd see you and of course he would forget you as soon as he saw your stepsisters.

You were only the sky for their stars to lay place on, the staircase they use to ascend. A background character in everyone's story, even your own.

You find yourself alert as you hear rushing footsteps towards you and immediately rush to dab the redness of your face off.

He calls out your name breathless like he's been running and sighed relieved when you look back at him acknowledging him and sits next to you at the bench.

"I thought I lost you there [name]" He says with the adorable smile of his.

His look of joy turned into worry when he notices how blue you looked. He places one arm on your shoulder and the other holding your chin to look at him. "What happened?"

You try to pull his hand off but he only brought your face closer. "Nothing-"

"No it's something, what happened, what did she say- It was her wasn't it?" His concern unwavering as he pushes you to speak.

"I- it's fine, She's just upset, I wasn't supposed to be here tonight, I disobeyed her." Your voice becomes lower and you look away from his eyes.

Understanding slowly filled him. "You're not her daughter really aren't you?"

When you nod he lets out a heavy breath. "I knew the lord had remarried but I couldn't tell if you were his from the first wife or the second- well" You didn't say anything, giving him time to let everything sink in.

"You don't have to tell me anything, but whatever she's doing to you, she shouldn't have that kind of hold over you. I'm taking you to my mother, we'll figure it out and-"

Your head snaps at his direction and your eyes widen horrified as you push him off and stood up.

"No- Wha- why would you do that?" You asked bewildered. "Why wouldn't I?"

Your confusion only increases. "This is my fate my prince, You don't have to try and save me like I'm some damsel-" getting your point, he cuts you off just as fast.

"I'm not trying to save you, I'm not doing this for you either. I'm doing this for me because as much as I see myself an honorable man, my selfishness wins this round againts my sense of duty, the whole night I'm pressured to find someone I'm willing to put through a life of loveless marriage and political schemes,

-but I want none of that. I want you. From the moment I saw you through the entrance, and I want all that comes with you, be it if the only parts of yourself you'll let me have is your stubbornness, I'll take what I can get and I'll give anything you ask of me."

His rant was so loud you weren't suprised if the whole palace had heard him, His chest was heaving from his long ramble and his hand hold yours refusing to let them go in fear you'll leave.

You couldn't if you want to, your feet was failing you as much as your words.

You could only stare at him.

And when his hand moves from your palms to your cheek, you let him pull your face to him, closing his mouth to yours.

His lips tasted like wine and grapes and you push yours deeper to taste more of him.

Your eagerness has him groaning into the kiss as his hands move to your waist and your bodies melt into eachother.

He sucks your bottom lip making you gaso and he takes the opportunity to shove his tongue inside your mouth meeting yours.

You've never kissed a man, hesitantly you copy his movements, letting your tongue fight with his.

He has you backed away and pinned on a tree minutes after. His mouth continuing it's assault on your neck, one hand on your waist, and the other on your breast, squeezing it making you moan and arch your back againts the wood. Your hands in his hair pushing him deeper to your skin.

Your whines and his groans were the only thing could be heard further behind the gardens where no one thankfully entered.

You understood now why men would kill for love and women were willing to die for it. If this was only a glimpse of it, You wonder what a lifelong future looked like.

You've had your the skirt of your lehenga lifted as your legs wrap around him, feeling him grind over you, gripping your hips and pushing down your too to suck in your cleavage.

You were on cloud 9.

You couldn't help but push your hips back on his hardness as you feel your cunt clench on nothing.

You whimpered as his lips move to suck on your nipple as you pull his hair stronger.

He bites on them before lapping on it to soothe the pain and continuing to suck on it as if he couldn't get drunk enough on your skin.

You could feel the material of the tree scratching your lehenga and skin of your back but if anything, in only intensified your pleasure instead of pain.

You whined at the loss of contact as he sets you downs removing his head from your chest, though the suffering barely lasted as he kneels down in front of you and swung your left leg over his shoulder, slightly lifting your skirt and disappearing inside of them.

You didn't have anytime to ask questions as You feel his hands grip your ass an pulling your thighs apart.

Leaning your head back, trusting his hold on you You let out an erotic moan as you feel his tongue shove itself through your cunt like it did with your mouths moments before.

Your arms move to wrap behind on the tree your backed on as your eyes roll back at the feeling of him moving to kitten lick your folds.

You were grinding on his face now, one of the hands on the tree moves to hold his head through the fabric of your dress.

He switches from licking and sucking on your clit making you bite your lip hard to not scream out.

All hells broke lose when He pushes you deeper in his face with his hands still on your ass, gripping and bruising it as he pushes his nose deep in your cunt and sucked on your bundle of nerves.

Riding his nose as his tongue laps at you, You let out an unearthly scream you couldn't hold back as you clench on his face, still grinding and squeezing it with your thighs, riding him through your orgasm.

He fucks you with his mouth through your high until you calmed down.

As your hold on his head loosens, he leaves the heaven of your legs and rises up, fixing your dress as he does.

He leans his forehead on yours, giving a mischievous smile meeting your high gaze.

"Marry me" He breathes out softly.

[moldybonessmell]

The Umbrella Academy season 3 review post

I finally finished season 3 of tua even tho I've watched first two seasons first day they came out and oh boy do I have things to talk about-

To begin with, the things I like about new season:

- The way we finally dug into Allison's trauma and how she starts going psychotic is actually a good plot line especially the accent on how she just like any other Umbrella Academy people indulges in self-distructive behavior, she's really just like them

- Diego getting a kid as someone with the biggest daddy issues out there is a realistic plotline because having a kid (even if Stanley's not actually his) heals him in this regard tho he and Lila would get a kid anyway eventually but they really should've been more sad about Stanley thanosing out of the existence you know

- Five being the founder of The Temps Commission makes so much sense as he's the one with the power to travel time of course he's more powerful than it seemed

- Good music scenes. Music is what season 1 was incredible for and what I love about the show. In season 2 there weren't many scenes that caught my attention but in s3 it's definetely better. We got Klaus's death montage with "Crystallised" by The xx and celebration scene with "Another one bites the dust" by Queen + Luther on moon and "Friday I'm in Love" by The Cure these were really nice.

- The Oblivion Hotel is such a cool location and concept (a place for everyone) I like the change of place of action a lot, but the way it's a portal is kinda overused imo

- Lila and Five are still the best characters and carried the season

- Fei is such a cool chara with a distict character design (which most of Sparrow Academy lack tbh)

Now things I don't like:

- Ben being just a placeholder character is such a bummer because instead of getting angst and drama we got a mostly one-dimentional anti-hero who has a completely different personality from Ben. We got a tiny bit of his character when he admitted he just wants to be involved with everyone but it's really minimal.

I can't believe Klaus says "He's an asshole and he's dead to me" like WHAT DO YOU MEAN fuck no Klaus would not say that shit and he would not just give up on him. Yeah Luther says stuff like "I'm glad to see you even if you're different" or whatever but it's Klaus who've spent the most time with Ben.

The way literally any other actor could have played Sparrow Ben and nothing would change is lame af I hope in next season we will see more changes

- Same goes to my dear Grace who's just a placeholder for black hole worshipper like what do you mean we just got one phrase from Diego and that's it??? This whole bit with fake god and stuff really threw me off it didn't go anywhere

- The Sparrow Academy being one-dimentional characters in general like I get producers probably didn't have enough episodes to actually develop characters but holy shit are they boring.

Even if you want to make them just antagonists we had such cool villains in two previous seasons they were original and interesting (aka The powerless podcast-fan male manipulator Peabody and The Cunty Handler)

Also the way the fisrt Sparrows who died were the most annoying and cliche assholes makes them just filler charas

- How show tried to make us feel compassion to Reginald Hargreeves holy shit do I hate this guy- After Klaus realised his father was basically killing him over and over in his childhood instead of Klaus getting mad or upset and having a breakdown we got nothing.

He even came back to new timeline Reginald who's "nicer" for this asshole just to hurt him AGAIN

- Klaus mostly being a comic relief in this season is so fucked I love this character and in previous seasons we had a great look at his life and experiences but now he's just kinda there being high and that's it

"mm I guess he died a few times it's probably enough" - plot writers

no character development whatsoever is just upsetting.

And the amount of unnecessary traumatising aka Reginald training him was really not it, even if it's supposed to be a joke.

- Reginald being a two-faced ass like holy shit is this terrifying. Pogo was the one who gave Sparrows pills and now Klaus helped him to stop taking them and this asshole is taking advantage of naive and vulnerable Klaus.

It is in fact a good plot twist but bro I really did prefer Reginald being a cartoonish villian instead of actual pure evil like how does he have shitty motivation but still does just so much shit.

- The Umbrella Academy family having no improvement in their relationship. They still don't care Klaus relapsed, they still don't care about Viktor. All they care about is their own misery which is really in character but with three seasons out of the way and only one more left I would expect at least something you know.

- Viktor is still left out. Like bro the only compassion he had is only when he transitioned but this is it?? Bro's still waiting till someone comes and cares about him but not only this doesn't happen, he even gets rediculed by Sparrow Ben for that and called emo are you actually kidding me what's with all the hurt with no comfort???

It feels a lot like when you're mentally ill and your family kinda "walks on eggshells" to not trigger you but it's in quotes because they don't actually care. They act nice just because they think you're psycho and you would make less problems if they pretend. And this is very sad, Viktor is such a tragic character.

Okay that's it for now. If you have any thoughts please share in comments!

[sky-scribbles]

The Karlach/Gideon Nav comparisons have sunk deep into my brain at this point, so I think it's about time I laid out my Locked Tomb AU thoughts. Because there are some very fun necro & cavaliar pairings to find among the tadfools and their supporting cast:

For the Second House, we have an obvious cavalier: Lae'zel, trained for the frontlines since hatching, ready to march to war for her Emperor god-queen even if she doesn't know why. Her necromancer is harder to pin down - it could be Shadowheart for the Harrow and Gideon vibes, but I want to use Shadowheart elsewhere. Ghustil Sturnugoss could work, perhaps - until Lae'zel starts to see through the lies she's been raised on...

The Third House smacks of nobility and charm, so my gut says Wyll is our cavalier - yes, he's a spellcaster, but he's the Blade of Frontiers. He wields a rapier; he's Wyll, the protecor. He's asking to be a cavalier. As for his necromancer, the person he's bound to serve, to die for... well, I guess it has to be Mizora, who has plenty of Third charisma herself. Not all cavaliers serve willingly.

We have a much more stable duo for the Fourth: Isobel and Aylin! Isobel is a cleric, made for warding and guarding just like Isaac, and Aylin has a very Fourth House-esque tendency to, as Gideon put it 'charge in headfirst and get all crazy'.

The Fifth house are tricky. They're spirit-speakers, so Withers is the obvious choice, but who's his cavalier? An aged-up Arabella? But she feels more like a necromancer to me, so I landed on an alternative: put an actual spirit into the necromancer role, and make it Thaniel. And have his protector be Halsin, who could fill Magnus's surrogate dad role quite nicely. (Rumour has it that not only does Halsin the Fifth wield knuckle-knives, he carried two knuckles and has a tendency to chuck his rapier away and just slash at you like a bear.)

Gale 'which way to the nearest library?' Dekarios is just begging to be the necromancer of the Sixth House - he even has a House-esque surname, though we'd have to change it so he doesn't sound like he comes from some nonexistent Tenth House (Hekarios? Sextarios?) And if his cavalier is someone who'll remain at his side through thick and thin, protect him from the world and from himself... I guess I have no choice but to make Tara a tabaxi and give her a sword. She deserves it.

I confess to drawing a blank for a really fitting match for the Seventh, so for lack of a better place to put them, let's make it Jaheira and Minsc, since Minsc pretty much sees himself as her cavalier in canon anyway. I suppose if you spec Jaheira as a Spores druid, she does at least have the 'walking corpse' thing down.

The cavalier of the Eighth House is another forced into service: Astarion, serving his necromancer Cazador. He's been trained to be his necro's resource, not his equal; he exists for Cazador to draw on and suck dry. He owns nothing but his sword (and unlike Colum, he doesn't even have his honour; it was tortured out of him long ago.)

And finally, Shadowheart as the Ninth House necromancer - a young acolyte raised in an underground cloister among those who worship silence, darkness and loss; her own memory betraying her, loving her order despite the fact that it has broken her again and again. With her cavalier, Karlach, who just wants to get out of her indentured service already and to be given back her fucking longsword.

[feralferretxp]

Headcanon: Bang is from a rich household/had a noble upbringing

Alright, I know this post is quite long compared to what I normally post. Just kinda went off with it, heh. I've had this post idea for a loooooong time but finally got around to this, so let's go!

So I don't know how many people also think this, but I'm willing to bet my bottom dollar that Bang is from a wealthy family and had some sort of noble upbringing. Like kinda Similar to Shaggy from Scooby Doo (these two actually have a lot in common the more I think about it) But anyway, I'm gonna give some evidence to support this headcannon.

First off is his full name: Bangford Bipplebop III. I mean, come on, that's one fancy sounding name. Plus, this means he's part of a lineage of some sort.

Now for clips:

In the 1st clip, Bro's legit using gold as a napkin while eating chocolate. He loves that bar of chocolate more than a bar of gold, which is saying something. Either he has no worries about wealth or just that he's a big foodie. Could be both ngl

The 2nd one is just him showing off his money. I mean, nothing really to add here. I know it could just be for a gag, but still.

So Bang doesn't show concern about wealth. Plus, look at Bing's reactions of concern and shock in both clips, which would be a typical person's reaction to seeing these things, but Bang just rolls with it, I guess.

I could also go off about the whole "Stocks" episode in Answer Time S2, where Bang basically gets dragged into starting a multi-billion dollar business that he didn't even want to start at all. He just wanted to learn what stocks are for a question. When the company's stocks plummeted, he wasn't as sad or devastated as Sue, the investor who helped start the business. He was never in it for the money or cared about having it.

Another point is that he's shown to have proper etiquette and manners, despite being depicted as laid-back dude who's very relaxed.

The 3rd clip is when 341B was talking to Lady Eleanor III, a royal architect for the Queen. While the other members chatter and greet her casually, Bang merely waves politely and even puts his hands behind his back as a sign of respect. What a distinguished little gentleman

And the 4th one is when they said hello to a kid named "King" and Bang does a kneel/bow gesture. Bing also does this, but I think he does it in a more silly/less serious way because you would think then that this is a group gag for all of them to bow, yet Bo doesn't. Bang does it more formally.

So yeah, Bang knows proper etiquette when dealing with noble people, so he must've learned this somewhere. Perhaps when growing up.

I just also like this headcanon in general since even if he had a wealthy upbringing, he's very humble and kind. He's not snooty or upright, which not saying all rich people are like that, but just showing how he made his own choice at one point in his life to just be loose and down to earth. He doesn't care about having wealth, but rather values friendships and the simple pleasures of life. Plus with him being super coded as a hippie type, I imagine he went that route despite what his parents wanted or expected of him, with Bang also being part of a lineage and such.

I do wonder if we will ever get to see his or the rest of 341B's families and what they're like. I'm just really curious and love learning about the worldbuilding of the storybot world and seeing glimpses of 341B's lives outside of work. I love seeing stuff like that in stories.

But yeah, let me know what you guys think or want to add to this theory/headcanon! I don't personally think this is something hard to get behind, I mean, just his name alone gives off some sort of impression that he's not just some average joe off the street.

[lumpyrock]

@sheetghostwithbones I made my own detailed explanation on how a monster in Paris Bowuigi AU would work.

So, Luigi is, of course, Lucille. He has lived in this world his entire life. He works as a popular performer at a Sarasaland hotel. He's kinda been sheltered his whole life and doesn't know much about the world outside of Sarasaland. (Guess who the commissioner's gonna be.)

Mario is Raoul. He's protective over his younger brother and very rarely leaves him home alone. Peach is Emile. She's visiting and staying at the hotel that Luigi works at. She is also not a Princess in this one.

On to the actual story. So, Peach, on her first night of staying at the hotel, breaks something of Luigi's. It's something he needs for his show later that night. Turns out it comes from the Koopa Kingdom. Mario is pissed, but Luigi's super apologetic. "No, I don't actually need it! Please don't go get another one!" But Mario drags Peach around to get another one anyway.

Cut to a couple hours later, Mario and Peach are still goofing off wherever they are and it's time for Luigi's show. He goes on and realizes that the princess, Daisy, is in the audience. He does his best and after the show Daisy gives him a bouquet.

Meanwhile, Mario and Peach are in a bit of a pickle. They got the thing, but now there's a big dragon turtle after them. They (finally) get back to the hotel, and agree not to tell Luigi about what they saw that night.

(Scene where a couple toads get spooked by Bowser.)

Anyway, the spooking of random people keeps happening. Peach decides she's gonna stay a little longer until she can get this figured out. Luigi has a date with Daisy. Well, not technically a date, but he's pretty sure it's a date. Mario's excited for him. Luigi insists that he go on his own. Mario's not as excited for him.

On his way out, Luigi sees a poster talking about how there is a monster and not to go out at night. Oh, how Luigi wishes he'd let Mario come with him. Anyway, he goes on his (not) date with Daisy.

Peach is traumatized from that night and starts writing about it in her diary. Mario is bored so comes to her room. She starts venting to him about how they were such idiots and should've never gone to the Koopa Kingdom. Just then a room service person walks in.

So, they talk to one of Daisy's advisors. The advisor says that as long as they keep quiet until the princess turns into the queen, they don't go to jail.

Luigi returns home from his date with no Mario or Peach in sight. That's odd. Luigi starts to worry about, what if the monster got them? In his dressing room, he is vigorously combing through his hair to get all the stress out.

Just then he hears a knock on the door. That must be Mario! He throws open the door to outside but there seems to be nothing there, aside from a few discarded Koopa shells. And one seems to be a lot bigger then the others. He slowly walks towards it when it starts moving.

A giant monster stands up before him. He faints. It catches him. Luigi slowly comes to and sees this giant monster holding him. He chooses flight.

He runs back into the hotel and locks the door. He's just like, holy heck, this can't be happening. He hears something from outside. It sounds like, singing? What in the what now?

(It's whatever Jack Black's song is gonna be in the movie, but sad.) Luigi is really likes this voice. Like, it sounds so handsome! He opens the door and walks over to the monster, holding out a hand for it. He's shaking like crazy but is trying to hide it.

"H-hi, m-my name's Luigi. P-please don't hurt me..."

"I'm Bowser, nice to meet you." So, like, Bowser's super proper in this and is like, an absolute gentleman.

Luigi's still kinda freaking out that he brought a... thing into his dressing room.

So, remember the thing that Peach broke earlier? That was, 1, an instrument, 2, Bowser's. So Bowser's instantly like, "hey, that's my instrument! Why do you have my instrument?"

And Luigi's like, "here, you can have it back, I really don't need it, it was Mario's idea anyway!"

But Bowser wants to hear Luigi play it, see if he's any good. Luigi's decent at it so Bowser gives him some tips. Luigi feels likes he's walking a fine line between death and not death. So when Bowser asks to play it in the show tonight, he agrees no hesitation.

Finally, Mario and Peach arrive just before the show starts, so they don't have time to check in on Luigi before hand. Curtains open and to everyone's surprise, there are two people on stage. Luigi and a mysterious stranger (who is like, 8 feet tall, but no one questions it).

"Uh, hi, everybody!" Luigi says. "As you can tell, there has been a last minute addition to the show! This is mister Bowser and he is a professional at the instrument! Um, let's get the show started! Yay..."

So the night goes down without a hitch and towards the end (just to show off), Bowser grabs Luigi while he's playing the instrument. Luigi goes into panic with a little bit of gay.

After the show, Mario and Peach come to congratulate them. Then they relize that Bowser's the monster. They don't want to scare Luigi, so they are just like, "weege, why don't you come down and come with us! I'm sure Bowser won't mind!"

"But Bowser wouldn't like that, I don't think. He might even get angry!" Luigi says, trying to hint that he knows this is dangerous but this could get even more dangerous.

So they go back and forth for a while until Bowser has had enough.

"You fools relize I'm right here, right? And that I can hear you, right?" (Wow, this is getting long.)

So, quick fire round! L thinks B's kinda cute and wants him to stay even though B really has no reason to. P&M go to a press conference held by D about the monster. D says they should kill it. P&M don't like that because L will be sad. They decide, yet again, don't tell L. Some guards come to the hotel to search for the monster but L&B get the slip on them. L finds that they should move somewhere else.

Two weeks later, it's D's ascension to the thrown. L is at the event and has set up a secret plan with B to get people to not be terrified. The plan is that B kidnaps L during the show then they show up a week later being like, "Yeah, we're boyfriends." But as they're escaping M&P&D all want to stop them because they don't know it's staged. M&P don't want kill B, they just want to throw him in prison, but D wants to straight up murder him.

They chase onto Sarasaland's castle (does Sarasaland even have a castle?). D powers up and POOFS B. L is heartbroken. D gets put on a regency plan so that she doesn't murder the rest of the kingdoms monarchs. M&L finally tell each other everything they've been hiding from each other. L's still sad.

He goes to his dressing room and gets sad at the instrument. He goes on the stage and is sad. He's sad, to say the least.

It's the night of the first show after, you know. L can't think straight, let alone sing. Just then he hears a knock on the door. He goes to open it and it's B! Holy heck, how did he get here? Well, Kamek pulled a Kamek and poofed him outta there before he died. L's just glad he's alright. They play the instrument and sing into the night.

The end.

[andydrysdalerogers]

Undercover ~ Nine ~ Princess

Pairings: Jake Jensen and OFC Samantha Matthews

The Losers have made it back to their families and are out. Well, almost. A threat against the British crown needs to be handled and the CIA has tapped the Losers for one final mission. And they are sending in Jensen.

Jake Jensen hasn't been a civilian in years but now he's undercover to find out why his target is where he is and who he's after.

Enter Sam, someone who Jake doesn't expect and well, he didn't know he was looking for.

Can Jake handle his mission and falling in love? Especially when the truth leads to a bigger mission than expected?

*~* A Jake Jensen Story *~*

Author's note: this story continues after the events of the Losers. I may weave other characters into it but they are all minor. THE TAGLIST IS OPEN.

The playlist is available on Spotify.

cover photo by me! Dividers by @firefly-graphics

Warnings: angst, death, smut, and a bunch of stuff a can’t say because it gives away the plot!

Previous: Eight - One Hell of a Coincidence

Story Masterlist // Main Masterlist

Jacob David Jensen is smart.  He may act like an idiot but it’s a ruse. Because he’s smart.  Degree and everything.  

He’s never felt dumber.  

He is staring at his girlfriend like she is an alien from outer space. Because she’s not just his girlfriend. Nope, it can’t be that simple.  

His girlfriend is the heiress to the throne of England.  

A country.   

A Fucking country.  

Her father is a king.  What does that make her mother?  Was he supposed to bow to Sam now?  Oh god, does he now have to refer to her title?  A million questions are now running through his head.  

“JJ, please look at me.”  His head snapped back to her face.  Her beautiful face was turned sad and some tears are in her eyes.  “Please don’t look at me differently.”  

“Princess, I, shit, I’ve been calling you that the whole time. Princess, you’re a princess.”  

Sam nods. “Jake, what are you thinking?” 

Jake swallows. “I... I don’t know. You’re my girl and you’re royalty and I feel like your brother is going to have me beheaded or something for... shit, your dad is a king!” He starts to pace. “I don’t know what this means for us.”  

“It means nothing JJ.  Its still just you and me.” Sam looked at her man, wishing he would stop and just kiss her so he can ground himself. But she can see his panic, his anxiety, his uncertainty in his eyes and she knows she needs to stop him.  She tugs his arm and pulls him towards her.  She kisses him hard, and Jake deepens it, letting the familiar pull of desire take over.  As she slowly pulls back to breath, his eyes remain closed. “JJ?” 

His eyes flutter open. “Sorry, I just... I don’t want to lose you Sam.”  

“You won’t.”  

“How do you know that?” 

“Because I’m not that important.”  

“Why do you say that? Of course you’re important.  You’re important to me.”  

Sam smiles softly. “I know that. Its why I love you. But to my brother, I’m not. Can I explain?” Jake nods and the sit on the couch. “Tony is the king, yes but my position is only mine until he starts a family.”  

“So does he have kids?”  

“No. Not yet. But they are working towards announcing his engagement.  See, my mother didn’t want me to be brought up with all of the royal stuff. Her and my father had hit a rough patch when I was born and they decided to separate. My father visited as much as he could while we lived in England but when we moved to New York, that became harder.  When I was ten, my father discovered that he could no longer have children.  So, it was just me and Tony.  Tony was going to inherit, and I was the spare.”  

“Ok, but you’re still important.”  

“I guess so. When Tony has kids, they will unseat me as the heir to the throne, which suits me just fine. I don’t want to be queen of anything. I just want to be Sam Matthews. Or maybe...” she stops. “Anyways, the Duchy was set up so I would never want anything from Tony. I rarely touch it but that is where my title comes from.”  

“So, you are what Fitzgerald is after?” 

“I guess so.  The real question is why. My mother never made waves when she separated from my father.  She was never crowned queen or anything because they never got married. But because my father recognized me to the Prime Minister but kept it hush, not a lot of people know about me.”  

“Ok,” Jake smiled, “ok. Then we just need to figure out who is bankrolling Fitzgerald and expose them. When does your brother plan on announcing his engagement?”  

“Three months.” Sam leaned into Jake. “This is so weird to tell someone else my secret.”  

After their conversation, Jake held Sam as she slept, finding comfort in her warmth. Her soft breathing as she slept formed a lullaby that sent him to sleep.  

Waking up alone he panics slightly until he heard her speaking on the phone.  

“Papa, I don’t know what happened. Fitzgerald just... no, Jake made me get into the panic room... yes he built one... he’s in the military... papa, please... no I don’t want to go... in a safe house, Jake’s team is taking care of us... no they don’t know who... is mama ok?... ok... no I promise to give you updates, I’m sure inspector Hart will always update you and Tony... is he mad at me... ok... yes papa... love you too.”  

Jake watches as Sam puts the phone down and wipes a tear from her eyes.  “Princess?” 

“Hi Jakey.” She barely holds it for him to cross the room before she crumples in his arms.  She sobs uncontrollably for a bit, Jake stroking her hair, whispering sweet nothings.  After a few minutes, she calms to a small hiccup.  

“Wanna tell me what these tears are about, my princess?” 

“My dad is angry. Very angry that I was found and that I was so close to being taken away.  He wants me to come home.” Another tear falls. “I don’t want to go.”  

“But, if it keeps your safe...” 

“Without you Jake.  They want me to leave without you.” She sobs again and leans into him.  

Jake hurts. He doesn't want to lose Sam. He kisses her head. “Listen to me Sam. We are going to get through this, and we will be together on the other side, ok? I love you and nothing will change that, you hear me?” 

She nods but Jake can see she is still scared.  He cradles her face before kissing her gently. When he feels her kiss him back, he moves to deepen it a little more.  She moans into the kiss and it's like a hot wire to his cock. Without breaking the kiss, he moves her to straddle him.  They pull back and he can see her sparkling eyes and kiss-swollen lips. “God, you are so beautiful,” he whispers.  He pulls her back into another kiss and then lifts her up, wrapping her legs around his slim hips.  He walks them back into their room and lays her down. He sits up slightly and she whimpers from the loss of his heat on her body.  

No words.  Jake pulls her camisole off, leaving her top bare to him. Sam reaches to pull his shirt off as well, drinking in the few tattoos on his body. Jake lays over her, nipping at the spot behind her ear and down her neck as Sam plays with his hair. He kisses a path down her body, tasting every inch of skin. He gets to her panties and he kisses around the lace edge. “Jakey, please,” she whispers.  

He grabbed the sides and pulled, guides down her legs. He inhales at the apex of her thighs, enjoying her unique scent.  He places kitten kisses and licks, enough to rile her up, begging for more in whines and cries.  He finds her little nub and licks it deep. She wails at the sensation.  Jake doesn’t stop until he can feel with his tongue that she’s close. “Let go Sam. Let me drink you, princess.”  

She denotes around his tongue, crying out in a rush of pleasure. Jake works her through it before pulling away and sliding his boxers off.  He gently cages Sam in to look into her eyes. “I love you.”  

“I love you,” she gasps as he pushes into her.  Jake groans as her warmth surrounds him.  

“God baby, I love being inside you.”  He moves his hips softly, not wanting to just fuck his girl but make love to her. Make her feel how he feels. He made love to her, making sure she felt good. Her eyes floated close.  “Open them, princess. I want to watch you fall apart.”  

Sam slowly opened her eyes as she stared in this pool of blue looking back at her.  “Jake,” she mewled.  

“Let go, my princess.  Take me with you.”  Sam felt the desire about to overflow and she squeezed Jake so hard that he choked with satisfaction.  She cried out as her orgasm washed through her.  She barely registered Jake meeting his own end, slowing to make sure every drop stayed inside but not wanting to overwhelm her.  

As Sam drifted off to sleep, Jake continued to hold her. His phone beeped with a message.  

“We need to talk.”  

John Fitzgerald was fuming. He completely missed his chance at snatching Sam from her home.  She had gotten into the pantry and then the door didn’t move.  “A fucking panic room,” he growled. “That fucking IT nerd asshat built a fucking panic room!” 

The man sitting with Fitzgerald swirled amber liquor in his glass.  “Did you even do recon on the prick?” 

“I didn’t think I had to.  He was just some IT shit.”  

“An IT shit that outsmarted you. Have you found them?” 

“No, their last signal was some neighborhood 50 miles out of town. I sent some men to scout the area but so far no luck.”  

The man stood up and looked out to the river behind his home.  “You had one job to do! I need her to complete this part of my legacy.  She is the only one who is in the way!” 

“I understand, sir...” 

“No you don’t.  And you will address me as Your Royal Highness from now on.”  Edward Davenport spun around and looked at Fitzgerald. “I am still the son of a King.  My brother may have been King and I should have been if not for his ungrateful brats.”  He began to pace.  

“Yes, your royal highness.”  

Edward took a breath.  “Find the girl.  Bring her to me.  The assassination should be executed in the next month or so.”  He looked at John.  “Don’t fuck this up.  Otherwise, it is your head that takes her place.”  

NEXT

Taglist:

@patzammit

@texmexdarling

@slutforchrisjamalevans

@firephotogrl74

@tinkerbelle67

@before-we-get-started

@bunnyforhim

@alexakeyloveloki

@sunnyhummingbee

@whiskeytangofoxtrot555

@peaceinourtime82

@saucy-sassy-sparkly

@kmc1989

@kandis-mom

@lokislady82

[paramorearchived]

September 12, 2012

Transcript:

to be happy now.

fair warning. i am allllll over the place tonight! so hopefully, you guys can follow along down these rabbit trails...

we're officially a little over half-way through the tracking of this album. it feels real-er than ever. i'm starting to understand all these songs more and where they've actually come from... for a minute, it was such a whirlwind of inspiration, emotion, and sweat. now that we've spent some time getting to know the album and growing with it, i can finally tell myself it's real. i can just almost tell myself that it's alright to relax. 

have you ever been that way? haven't you ever said "things are so great right now that i know something's bound to go wrong... any minute." just so you know, i might be the QUEEN of that phrase. maybe it's part of being a total realist? maybe it's just the fact that i've been through some rough situations and i know how awful it feels not to be prepared for the worst? it's been a while since i didn't have my fists in a ball... since i wasn't sort of on the defense, waiting for the attack. if there was an actual good reason for why i lived that way for so long i'd give it to you but now that i'm (hopefully!) passed that, it's a little unclear as to why that would ever be worth it. because now i wake up every morning and i know for certain that there are at least a few good people around me, if not physically then just by an iPhone somewhere, who could look me in the eye and tell me that they love me. i've got just enough blood in my veins and air in my lungs to know that i am definitely not dead. and that could be enough to say outloud, to myself... "You're OK!" 

another thing to consider is what if there is a part of us that doesn't fully want to be satisfied? what if there's something that asks us: if everything is "OK" then what do we have to strive for? to LIVE for, even? that's the constant duel in my spirit! i want life to go smoothly but when it's all working out... i'm sort of bored. ugh. it reminds me of a lyric by mewithoutYou that i've always connected with so deeply. "All I want is to want one thing." how beautifully that depicts our nature as humans to want everything, sometimes multiple things at once that couldn't be more opposite... and in the end get upset with the whole thing and want to get rid of desire altogether. (i digress!) 

what i've had to learn during this last year and a half, is that i might actually just be happy with where life is heading at this point. doesn't mean i'll always feel this way. nothing's perfect... at least for very long! anyway, it might just be OK to be happy now. right now in this very moment. i should just go with it, right? by the way, if i don't sound completely insane to you after 3 paragraphs which all are complete contradictions to each other then i appreciate your patience and flexible perspective. 

all this to say, i feel happy and i feel like my soul is actually being fulfilled. not only by the making of this album but also by the few close relationships i have in my life that have either stood the test of time or have bloomed from virtually nothing since entering whatever phase of my life i'm in at the moment. i'm not waiting for the sky to fall because i know that while the sky is staying up there in it's place, i have my opportunity to live. no more wasting time, hope, emotions, on worrying when, if, or how i could ever be let down again. i'm going to tell myself it's okay to be happy now.

i guess i want to finish this off by asking you what fulfills you. what is it that reaches your soul? it doesn't have to be some profound thing or even anything cool. if you can hold that one thing in your mind and know that you're exactly who you are supposed to be in that moment, then that could be all you need to get from point A to point B. maybe i want to finish THAT by saying, let's all listen to "One Thing" by One Direction and sing it to each other. you've got that one thing and guess what? it doesn't even need to be named. cause you just know and so does One Direction.

ok, i don't know how you made it to the end of this.... love you, mean it.  hayley

[starguardianniom]

The 1 lesson learned in the season 5 finale

One thing I remember seeing in the leaks of the finale of season 5, is that all the heroes are back and with their miraculous full time. Knowing that, I can only think this:

Only lesson Marinette learned was to not put all her eggs in one basket it seems, as she has been doing since she became the guardian, though I feel she got that lesson from Fu who was the first guilty party of doing it.

What I mean is, the show made Marinette too important.

SHE is the only one who can purify akumas.

SHE is the only one who can fix everything.

SHE is the only one who gets to choose new heroes and know their identities without them or Chat Noir knowing hers or each other.

SHE is the only one aware of Fu until Syren.

SHE is the only one trained to be a guardian.

SHE is the only one who gets to be the guardian.

SHE is the only one who keeps all the miraculouses and kwamis.

SHE is the only one who makes the rules now.

That's way too much for her alone.

Chat Noir is not in the knowing of Master Fu until he gets so fed up he almost renounces Plagg, and to be fair at first he didn't complain with Rena Rouge, but then Ladybug keeps not telling him anything when before it was just the 2 of them, and it's shifting their dynamic even more, and he can't help her if he knows nothing.

But then, Chat Noir gets to learn the identities of some holders anyway, with or without Ladybug's knowledge, Queen Bee and Ryuko he learns because they out themselves immediatly (to be fair to Kagami she was the only person in Ikari Gozen so even if she hadn't call Ikari Gozen "Mother", her identity was busted anyway).

Between Queen Bee and Ryuko, another holder he gets to learn about, Marinette being Multimouse, of course made so that he wouldn't guess that she was actually Ladybug and deceiving him with an illusion, but still him knowing Marinette is Multimouse is enough for Ladybug to tell them that Marinette can never be Multimouse again, showing unwittingly no trust at all for him in the situation that is entirely not his fault, and yes it's an illusion BUT HE DOESN'T KNOW THAT!!!! And yes it's to make sure Marinette isn't asked again because she's Ladybug and can't keep up 2 secret identities and have them meet all the time without running herself ragged so she needs to make sure that she can't be Multimouse again, it does put her partner in what seems an unfair choice and seriously I'm surprised this hasn't been brought up again since then.

Anyway.

Ladybug then becomes the Guardian. She knows has to be the one who fix everything, purify the akumas and keep the miracle box and the kwamis safe and also keeps choosing new heroes.

She doesn't accept Chat Noir's help when he offers to help her with her burdens, like maybe choosing holders or delivering miraculouses.

She confess her identity to Alya and tells her everything instead.

Chat Noir is not considered despite his offer and being there from the start.

Alya is a great support to Marinette and also a huge help, but Marinette then starts wanting to control what Alya can and can't do with her knowledge.

Of course she makes Alya lie to Nino.

Which from a certain point of view sounds stupid because Nino is a hero she chose and knows Alya's identity as Rena Rouge like Alya knows Nino is Carapace.

It does bring up some problems.

Oh and also, Ladybug never tells Chat Noir that she told someone her identity for a while now.

Instead, he finds out the day he has to work with her replacement, whom he (rightfully has every rights since past experiences with fake Ladybugs have happened before) mistakes for a fake and tries to Cataclysm. This of course strain the beginning of Scarabella and Chat Noir's working together, though they get better and I honestly prefered Scarabella working with Chat Noir than Ladybug, because one no romance, 2, so funny and refreshing and 3, Scarabella has a killer style that Ladybug could only dream of.

But Alya has to tell Marinette that she needs to have an urgent talk with Chat Noir about it. I love you for that Alya, the kitty deserves more respect than that.

I mean she nearly got cataclysmed because Marinette couldn't bother telling Chat Noir that she had left the city for a weekend and had a replacement because she seriously couldn't not not go.

She can be bothered to text hundreds of rules for Alya to follow while in the train, but not one message to Chat Noir telling him to not be surprised to see a new Ladybug for a little while in case something happens.

I'm honestly will never get over that one, seriously Marinette, you sucks at communication as much as you suck with empathy.

Let's not forget Rocketear where Adrien learns that Nino and Alya are Carapace and Rena Rouge and they knew from the start who the other was via Ladybug and shoving in his throat that the rules only apply when Ladybug see it fit to herself and she makes the rules and doesn't have to bend to them unlike him, to be fair Alya knew already because Nino gave himself away with his "dude" and Alya and Nino were together so Ladybug couldn't really think fast enough of an excuse to separate them to give them their miraculous alone so she had to do the reveal but Nino doesn't tell Adrien that. Also Nino was being in a foul mood that seriously was affecting his judgement and outting him and Alya can't be on Marinette's shoulders, but to Adrien who doesn't know all that just feels even more drowned by the rules and now feels it's only him.

Another thing I'll never get over, the Ephemeral episode.

The gal of Marinette hatching a plan to have 2 people know Chat Noir's identity in his back without his knowledge seriously pissed me off to no end. Sure she told off Su-Han in the end, but honestly she is a bigger hypocrite there. She outrights say that she believes Chat Noir will never reveal his identity to anyone else but her first, not bothering to consider that he would probably listen to Su-Han's idea (which frankly is kind of fair, as if something happens to Adrien, they would be in hot waters, sure Plagg can deliver the news and Kaalki knows where Adrien lives, but they can't tell Marinette and it is one of the 2 most powerful miraculouses around). Chat Noir is more understanding than her, if she would just explain herself, she could avoid deceiving Chat Noir, but nooooo, she will swear by what she thinks and it's final. It shows now that she already makes decisions for Chat Noir because she thinks she knows him best so naturally she can decide for him without problem, another right stripped from him apparently, by herself no less. But that timeline did stick for most of the episode, and it did show that yes, Marinette would be willing to go that far, and well she kinds of does in the season 5 finale by not telling Adrien the truth about his existance or his father's crimes.

There was also Strike Back where Chat Noir seems to get annoyed that Ladybug tells him he doesn't know what he's talking about, and outright tells her she never tells him anything, and her never relying on him when she should bites her hard as her trying to control everything makes her lose almost everything but her own miraculous and Chat Noir's. Of course, she also thought it was a good idea to go fetch her crush instead of calling Sabrina for the Dog, or just unify with it herself, and seriously not asking herself how could Adrien be the only person in the city to not be marked if it happened the day before. After an entire season of doing everything alone instead of relying on people, she learns the hard way that the villains just need to swipe the miraculouses from her to get them 98% of them all and win.

The one lesson she learned: not put all her eggs in one basket.

That one lesson Fu could have also learned.

Because seriously Marinette had so much power and control it wasn't even funny, it's scarier than Gabriel with the miraculouses I would say.

Imagine if she had been stopped before she told Alya anything, nobody could have helped her or save her, Plagg knows, but he can't bring back people unless he destroy the place where they're holded, or if the villain lets them leave, which is not always easy to do.

But seriously, she had way too much to do and learn to be completely efficient, because she wouldn't share the responsabilities.

If she had given at least some miraculouses to Chat Noir and maybe even Alya, it would have been better.

But even when Marinette is taken out and others needs to step up and take her place, you can be sure an event or something will make her still don her earrings or not to save the day. Apparently Scarabella and Chat Noir can't save the day by themselves without Marinette having to deliver the final blow to Robostus. Or Scarabella and Kitty Noire can't replace Marinette and Adrien permanently because Marinette never bothered to tell Alya and Chat Noir to not wear Alliance rings as they can track their superhumans movements, immediatly busting their identity if someone hacks them, as seen in Jubilation.

I must wonder if the writers gave her all the calls and powers only to show us the reality of why it's important to delegate some of your duties least if something happens to you not all is lost.

Hence why at the end of the season 5, Marinette gives all her teammates their miraculous permanently.

Hopefully Chat Noir will stay her number 2 and not Rena Rouge cause he's more experienced than her and it would only be fair after 2 seasons of being less important than Alya given he doesn't know Marinette is Ladybug but Alya does, immediatly changing the power dynamic, even if Alya can't be Rena for an entire season, she's still more privy to the secrets of Ladybug than Chat Noir ever was. No hate on Alya at all though, she was amazing. Just wish Marinette would trust Chat Noir just as much, as he is her first partner and the one she has been working with since day one and they came back alone for an entire season again so another different dynamic than with Alya but it shouldn't be given less importance for it.

Alya and Chat Noir are awesome, I just wish Marinette would trust them equally and communicate with them better. And delegates some of her duties to them dang it!

[rosie-kairi]

So KH III said there are 7 new lights (well really 6 since Kairi is still a princess of heart) and while I'm not sure what happened to the original 6 the power has apparently passed on. So far we have Rapunzel, Elsa, and Anna and it makes sense they're 3 of the most recent and have been super popular over the years and yeah Rapunzel not being pure light with her story? Laughable.

That being said I'm hoping we see more expansion of the 7 princesses of heart and I have some guesses as to who the final 3 might be.

Merida, I feel pretty safe in saying she's a candidate since the term pure light may not have to be like innocence but pure conviction. And Merida is nothing if not steadfast in determination. She'd also be one of the more proactive POH

Moana, she's also pretty recent and her story would not only make a great world but she would make a great pure light. Chosen by the ocean, compassionate and already trying to save her world her heart just so happens to help maintain the balance of all worlds and she doesn't know it? Queen shit.

Finally this one is less likely but imma throw it in anyway and say Mirabel. She's the newest and like Alice not an official princess or in the disney princess lineup. But a repeating theme with all these girls is their dedication to their family's and homes that make them "pure" and counting Kairi this would make of the poh woc which is a plus.

I also realized the last 3 all start with m which is funny but those are my predictions. I wanna see Kairi actually interact with her fellow princesses of heart come on Nomura give it to me!

I think a funny thing they could do would be to include Raya from Raya and The Last Dragon because -while I've never seen the movie myself- I'm pretty sure the place she's the princess of/ the kingdom she was from is literally called "Heart". So she's literally a princess of heart.

Anyway, yeah I agree with those being likely candidates. I'd honestly be surprised if there was no Encanto considering how popular it was when it released. They got Frozen in kh3, I don't see why Encanto wouldn't be put into kh4 for the same reasons lol.

[utilitycaster]

I'm Reading the Drizzt Novels and You Can't Stop Me: Homeland (and some anticipated questions)

Welcome to yet another ongoing series from me, a person who should be doing other things and may abandon it but also frankly will do this for her own entertainment regardless of whether anyone else cares. Let's back up first; if you're not in this car with me, get out of the rearview mirror.

Until now I have pretty much only read the Drizzt novels in situations where I was unwell, tired, or without another easy means of entertainment. Specifically, I read the first few while quarantining with a mild but still unpleasant case of COVID in late 2022, and then some others while dealing with catching up at work/post-illness fatigue/the general vibes of December in the northeast and Midatlantic states of the US. This caught me up to book 6, which represent the scene-setting; more on this later.

I then read Book 7 on a long train ride with nothing else to do, while very tired and probably a little hungover, in January 2023. I enjoyed it, in part because Wulfgar, who I do not care for, dies. (spoilers I guess? I'm not explicitly avoiding spoilers because these books are 30+ years old, but I'm not seeking them out, and I believe he comes back to life eventually).

I then proceeded to read Real Books (TM) for the remainder of 2023, some of which I can recommend highly and some of which were dumber than Wulfgar. Flash forward to getting my car serviced in the tail end of December 2023. I intended to bring my laptop. I did not. I also intended to bring headphones. I did not. And so, with a phone with so-so battery and little interest in watching HGTV, I read book 8. And I thought "what if I started doing this, because I can knock out one of these motherfuckers in a day if I try hard enough." I then thought "what if I slam books 1-7 again and do a book a week in 2024?"

Clearly I did not do this, because again, I have other books to read and things to do. However, I have finally, after another long-ass train ride, finished a reread of book 1. And so, with an unclear but hopefully from now on twice a month at least (?) update schedule, I bring you: Homeland. The rest of these posts will probably be way shorter.

For anyone who is not familiar with Drizzt or Forgotten Realms or whatever: this is a weird choice you've made. Anyway. Forgotten Realms is THE iconic D&D setting; it's where both the Baldur's Gate series is set as well as the D&D movie plus all kinds of adventures. What's it like? Well, it's basically The Tough Guide to Fantasyland, for all my Diana Wynne Jones fans out there. Do none of these references work for you? You'll just have to pick it up as we go along.

The Legend of the Legend of Drizzt is basically, as far as I know (and I don't know much) R.A. Salvatore was hired to write some cool adventures in a D&D setting in the early 90s. The plan, per the suits, was to follow Wulfgar, who was big and blond and very Conan The Barbarian which is, I should note, way more the vibe of D&D than LOTR much as we (D&D players) are loathe to admit it. However, Wulfgar had brains made out of one of the boring adult cereals: dull, and only slightly more fibrous than the fun cereals like Honey Bunches of Oats. Meanwhile, Drizzt, his drow buddy, fucking ruled. And so, after writing three very sword-and-sorcery (or more accurately, scimitar-and-wizardry) books, Salvatore returned to fill in Drizzt's backstory. And thus we begin in Homeland.

Drizzt Do'Urden is a drow, or dark elf, which in this setting are almost universally evil because they worship Lolth the spider queen. Is this Not Great? Yes. I also am reading The Wheel of Time, which is Even Worse About Biology As Destiny. The main purpose of this book is to cover Drizzt's childhood from when he leaves the underground drow city of Menzoberranzan.

Drizzt's mother is called Malice, unironically. The naming of drow makes no fucking sense, while we're at it; Malice, Zaknafein, SiNaFay, and Alton DeVir are all supposed to be from the same language? I'm not buying it. ANYWAY. Drow society is matriarchal bc spiders and because, as this post says, Salvatore REALLY wanted to be stepped on. Drizzt was born the third son, and was going to be sacrificed to Lolth because third sons are useless. His birth was ALSO being used by Malice to fuel an attack on House DeVir, because if you slaughter a whole-ass house in Menzoberranzan it's admirable of you, bc ontologically evil; and Lolth powers are increased by childbirth or some jazz.

Several important things happen here, pretty much all simultaneously, heralding Our Chosen One (Drizzt):

The attack on House DeVir goes super well for House Do'Urden

The second oldest brother, Dinin, kills his wizard elder brother (known as the elderboy by the creative geniuses of Menzoberranzan) which means Drizzt can survive because they need a replacement wizard boy.

We learn that Drizzt's father (one of Malice's several consorts) is Zaknafein, who fucking hates his life and how shitty drow society is but also is really good at murder and so he kind of hangs out doing that for House Do'Urden

A wizard who melted his face off fails to kill Alton DeVir, the last of the house of DeVir, which means technically House Do'Urden's attack was illegitimate. However, Masoj Hun'ett, of another powerful house, kills the faceless wizard and Alton takes the wizard's place, but desires VENGEANCE.

Drizzt has lavender eyes but is not blind. His eye color will come up approximately a zillion times. I considered counting, but trust me it's SO many.

The rest of the book covers the following, roughly in order:

Drizzt is super good at everything from a young age; he is placed in the care of his only full sibling, Vierna. Zak manages to successfully argue that Drizzt's dexterity is SO good that he HAS to be a fighter and not a wizard, which permits him to train Drizzt, who is, as discussed, good at everything. He almost mercy-kills him before school because he'd rather his son die innocent than become a drow, but also he hates the idea of killing a child, and also Drizzt is a really good fighter, and so it doesn't happen. They depart on bad terms though.

Drizzt then goes to fighter school (instead of wizard school) and is an excellent fighter but not naturally deceptive and backstabbing because he is Pure of Heart; he is constantly skirting trouble by asking such questions as "why do we all want to murder each other all the time though" and "why is our graduation ceremony a drug fueled spider goddess orgy"

Masoj and Alton scheme; Alton eventually learns in a hoisted by his own petard way that the faceless wizard was also of house Hun,ett, and that house is willing to help him strike back at house Do'Urden

Masoj has a magic panther named Guenhwyvar who likes Drizzt more than him.

Drizzt goes on a surface raid and fucking loves the surface, and feels bad about murdering the surface elves, so he fakes the brutal slaughter of an elven girl. Lolth sees this and doesn't like it one bit and blames the whole house.

Drizzt proves himself on other patrols, and realizes Masoj Hun'ett keeps trying to fucking kill him, notably on a patrol where they run into deep gnomes (svirfneblin). Drizzt spares one of them as well. Dinin is growing suspicious.

Malice realizes that Lolth is mad and assumes it's Zaknafein, known problem, but Lolth tells her someone already knows

Drizzt tells her about Masoj, under questioning

Drizzt and Zak reunite and realize they are kindred spirits who are like "wait our society is MAD fucked up and miserable" and excitedly decide to run away and stop being miserable, BUT Malice is Scrying on them the whole time.

Drizzt goes out to clear his mind and gets cornered by Masoj and Alton. They try to kill him. Joke's on them! Drizzt kills Masoj, Alton's own wand blows up and kills him, and Drizzt gets the panther.

HOWEVER joke is also on Drizzt because Malice approaches Zak and tells him she's going to murder Drizzt, to which Zak tells her to kill him instead. She does so.

Drizzt learns of this and runs away.

The entire book is threaded through with Drizzt's first person reflections, which are actually quite touching at times but also definitely kind of overwrought so I do keep reading them as if they are Sex and the City/Scrubs/Winona Ryder in the 80s (Beetlejuice, Heathers) diary entries

And so our stage is set. If I recall correctly book two is "you have your father's morals; and his tendency towards clinical depression" so we're going to have a rollicking good time (genuine).

[alchemic-writings]

A Welcome Distraction Chapter 1

Modern AU Mhin/Reader. Updates will be posted sooner on ao3 @/panichoodie

Story will be 18+

Three months ago you broke up with your partner of five years and now have no idea what to do with your life. You wish someone else could make decisions for you in life. When your friends suggest finding a dom to find direction in life, you would have never expected to discover the hot dom you found online to be your distant coworker.

A deep sigh leaves my lips as I slam the shot glass down against the bar. The vodka burns but it’s good. That means I can still feel. “God, sparrow, you need to slow down a bit. We’re here to have fun, not to forget.” There’s Ais, somehow being the voice of reason after insisting we have shots the second we walked up to the bar. “C’mon Icy, getting blackout drunk is how you have fun!” And there’s the second devil on my shoulder, Vere. I let out a deep sigh as I lowered my head down onto the counter. 

We’ve been going out to this same shitty bar every week since I broke up with my ex, Quinn, three months ago. Even though I never regretted my decision, I’ve now realized how I have absolutely no idea what I want to do with my life. All my plans followed them. I had nothing for myself and I began feeling more like their shadow. 

Vere continued to list off his ideas of “fun” while I continued my depressing monologue. It wasn’t until they used my back to rest both of his elbows up and cup his own face did I tune into his words again, “And, we need to get you laid! When was your last hookup anyways?” A blush rose to my cheeks as I glared at him, “You two know exactly when my last hookup was.” Vere looked at me with wide eyes before leaning back to begin cackling hysterically. I used the lack of weight on my back to sit up again, I turned to my other side and saw Ais giving me a shit-eating grin, assholes. “HAHAHA oh my god! You’re telling me you haven’t slept with anyone since our shitty threesome three months ago?” 

I put my face in my hands and groaned. The first weekend after my breakup us three went out for drinks just like this. I got completely hammered and when Vere and Ais were getting ready to leave I begged them to stay with me. My apartment was so cold now without Quinn and I didn’t want to be alone. The sex was going as well as three people on a queen sized mattress could have until I started sobbing so hard I threw up. Ais helped clean me up and lay me down to sleep and I vowed to never sleep with those two again out of sheer embarrassment. Sadly the two have never let me live down said embarrassment by giving me the nickname Chunks. 

“Vere, they don’t have to fuck away the pain like you do. Maybe they just need time to let themselves breathe on their own. Don’t force yourself to sleep around if you don't want to, ok?…” I lift my head up to smile at Ais. He can be an ass but he can also be sweet, “… Chunks…”, nevermind. Assholes. Both of them. I slam my hands down on the counter and begin to sit up, “If you two are going to laugh at my sex life all night, I’ll be leaving.” 

Before I am able to stand, Vere wraps an arm around my shoulders to force me back down. “We’re only teasing, MC! You should be using this time to do things you could never do with your bore of an ex!” I hummed in contemplation. There were lots of things I had given up to match Quinn’s lifestyle. One of the few that I didn’t was taking pole dancing classes, which led me to meeting Vere and eventually Ais as well. The taller man spoke up as well at Vere’s suggestion, “Yeah, sparrow, wasn’t that the whole reason you broke up with them in the first place? Why aren’t you doing what you want?” 

I think back to my past three months. Despite breaking up with Quinn because I wanted to change who I became for them, the only thing that I’ve done differently was that almost threesome. I finally respond, “Well, I guess it’s because I have no fucking idea what I want to do now. I was always Quinn’s Partner. I just wish I could have someone else pick something for me sometimes.” There’s a spark in Vere’s eyes when I finish my sentence, “You know,” Vere purrs, “you could always look into finding a dom to make those decisions for you.” I blush at the suggestion. 

Vere and Ais are both active in bdsm. They actually introduced the concept of a dom/sub dynamic to me and I was very interested. But when I suggested it to Quinn it got shot down as soon as I asked. “We don’t need all that fancy stuff in the bedroom, babe. You’ve been enjoying our sex, right?”  Which I had been! But bdsm sounded like… a treat. Something you don’t have everyday but when you do you love it. 

But after the past three months of being lost while going through the motions at work and drinking on the weekends, Vere’s suggestion feels like a need. Having someone tell me what to do could help quiet my thoughts long enough to finally get over my breakup…

I let out a long breath as the idea of finding a dom becomes more and more desirable. “Even if I wanted to find one… How on earth would I do that? Just walk around with a sign that says ‘please dominate me’?” A grin grows on Vere’s face at my solution as he responds, “As much as I want to say yes to your suggestion, I feel sorry for you and will actually help you.” Ais speaks up behind us, “Wow, you’re being helpful, Vere? This must be serious.” Vere’s eyes flit to Ais, “You’ve seen how depressing they’ve been for the past three months. Getting them a dom will be helpful for all of us.” 

A chuckle leaves my lips as I look down at my hands. Despite how many walls these two put up and how annoying they can be, they truly care about me. My head turns back up to Vere, “So, how do I do this then?” “Well, this might be a little too high tech for you but there are these things called apps where you can find people who want the same thing as you online.” I roll my eyes, “I know what a social app is, fuckwad, tell me which one.” Ais gives a hum in contemplation as he pulls out his own phone. “There’s a pretty good amount out there, but the best one for a newbie like you would probably be ‘Collared’. Pretty user friendly.” He slides his phone across the counter towards me and I peer at the screen in front of me. It uses a distance radius to filter users into certain groups where you can start discussion threads and has a private messages feature as well. I hum in agreement and pull out my own phone to search for the app but I’m stopped when Vere steals my phone, “Ah ah ah, dear! I don’t trust you to make your own profile.” I reach out to try to grab my phone from his grip, “What do you mean you don’t trust me? I just have to put some information in and it’s done!” A tug on my shirt pulls me backwards as Ais speaks up, “I dunno, sparrow. You’ve been out of the social pool for a long time and you’ve never been with a dom before. At least let us help you get started.” 

My shoulders slump as I admit defeat. It’s true that I haven’t even winked at someone for the past five years, so making my own profile would probably result in scarring anyone in a 30 mile radius. Vere’s smirk grows as he pockets my phone and stands up, “Already playing the submissive role so well! Keep this up and we’ll find you a dom in no time.” He turns and begins walking towards the front of the bar, thus missing the daggers shooting from my eyes as Ais and I stand up to follow him outside. 

It isn’t until I take a deep breath of the cool night air does Vere turn back towards the two of us, “Let’s spend the night at my place tonight. We’ll be able to work on your profile and set up some cute pictures as well.” We all agreed to his plan, seeing as how Vere has the biggest apartment out of the three of us and the largest collection of… clothes… that would be fitting for an app like this. 

Once we enter Vere’s apartment he immediately goes towards his walk-in wardrobe and begins to assess the collection. Vere holds up items to my body before making a face of approval or disgust, and throws all the items approved on to Ais to hold. Once Vere is satisfied with the assortment of items, he takes me into the closet and instructs me on which items to put on first. As I’m changing into barely anything I can hear the two typing on a laptop and discussing to themselves. Every few minutes one of them yells out a question from the form for me to respond to, but my answers are quickly vetoed and they type something they deem as “sexier”. 

I step out once I’ve finished changing, and I receive a wolf whistle from Ais and a proud smirk from Vere in response. As I awkwardly shuffle from side to side a squeak is made by the rubbing of the latex underwear. Vere had given me an all black attire; a corset top, a pair of latex underwear, and a garter belt with thigh high stockings. Ais stands up and begins to circle me, “Hmm, you did a great job but I think they’re forgetting something.” Vere’s eyebrow twitches at his critique, “What could I have possibly missed? They look fucking hot.” Ais doesn’t respond and instead retreats into the closet himself before coming back holding a piece of leather, “a collar.” Ais stands behind me as his arms loop around my front to help secure the strip of leather around my neck. It’s a simple black piece of leather with an o-ring on the front and a buckle clap in the back, but having it secured against my neck sends a shiver down my spine. 

Ais’s hands rest on my shoulders as he leans his head against mine, “Doesn’t sparrow look like a present now waiting to be ripped open?” Vere slinks towards us and cups my cheek as he responds, “Hmm, I hate to admit it but you’re right. The collar was an excellent addition.” I awkwardly laugh as I step to the side, removing myself from the reach of the two men. “Thanks for hyping me up, guys, but aren’t we supposed to be setting up my profile?...” They both shared a look before laughing. Ais is the first one to speak up, “You are so easy to fluster, sparrow. You’re definitely gonna find a dom by the end of the night.” Vere pulls out his phone as gestures to the bed, “Get up there so I can take some pictures. Don’t worry about how to pose, I’ll tell you.” 

After thirty minutes of blushing while being told how to position my body, Vere seemed satisfied with the pictures taken and dropped them to his laptop so we could choose the best ones for my profile. After adding a few pictures to my gallery we finally settled on which one will be my profile picture. It's a picture of me sitting up on the bed with my legs bent in front of me and one finger looped around the ring of the collar. My head was cropped out of it “for your safety and to make you seem mysterious,” explained Ais. Vere was next as he shooed Ais away to take his place in front of the laptop and began a new thread on the forum. 

[DreadfulHands Started a New Thread]  [1:10 am]

Hiiii everyone! I’m a sub that’s new to bdsm after leaving my loser ex of 5 years! I’m local to Eridia and I’m looking for a dom that can really show me the ropes ;) 

Vere sat back crossing his arms with a pleased smile on his face. I stared at the screen in horror until I heard a snort to my left. Ais was biting his lip to keep the laughter down but his grin betrayed him. These assholes! I reach over to delete the paragraph before Vere catches my hand. We have a stare down before I attempt again with the other and this leads us to begin fighting for control of the other's hands. I’m almost able to reach the keyboard until I’m lifted in the air by Ais, whose arms are wrapped around my torso. In a state of panic I kick my legs out, and end up accidentally sending the laptop tumbling to the carpeted floor. “What the fuck Chunks!” Vere sits up to pick up his laptop and assess the damage. Anger boils in my veins, “What the fuck to me? You’re the one trying to make me sound like a sex bot!” Vere rolls his eyes as he responds, “It was just a joke, I wasn’t actually going to-” he stops himself as he stares at the screen. 

A heavy silence fills the room as we wait for Vere to continue. Ais slowly sets me down as he begins to walk towards Vere, “What did you do?”. As Ais now looks at the screen another pause fills the room. Anxiety fills me as I walk over to them and turn my head so I can see what’s wrong.

[Forum Thread Created 1 min ago] [27 Views] [3 comments] 

Another silence falls as all three of us stare at the screen… “Technically you were the one that kicked my laptop so you posted it yourself…” I snap out of my shock and turn to Vere, “I don’t fucking care who posted it! Just delete it before too many people see it!” Ais lays a hand on my shoulder and shakes his head, “That’s the one drawback about Collared, you can’t delete threads unless you’re a mod.” I sink to the floor and put my face into my hands and sigh, “Maybe I’m not meant for this…” Vere sets the laptop to the side and sinks down with me, “Don’t be like that! Maybe someone will find your sex bot attitude sexy and want to still be with you! I know there are plenty of desperate losers on there that-” Vere is cut off by a notification sound, several to be exact. We turn back to the laptop and click on the notifications. 

[1:11 am] [LatexBookworm commented on your post: “Welcome to the community! :D”]

[1:13 am] [Melvin78 commented on your post: “Very nice…”]

[1:13 am] [xxbl00dwh0r3xx commented on your post: “r u into bloodplay??”]

Ais lets out a chuckle, “Well, maybe that post wasn’t so bad after all…” We all let out a chuckle before another notification popped up. 

[1:14 am] [(MOD) StarRaven sent you a private message]

I let out a sigh of relief at the notification, “A mod! I can just ask them to delete that thread and we can redo a proper introduction.” I click on the notification to lead me to the private message board

[1:14 am] (MOD) StarRaven:

Are you stupid?

[wistfulwatcher]

Hi! I haven't been able to emotionally prepare to watch the Yellowjackets s2 finale, but even without having seen it I'm having so many thoughts.

I struggle to articulate how I feel about Natalie dying. I can feel in my heart though a way I've felt before when I start to fall out of love with a story. When I have this idea of what this story is about but then it turns out it wasn't what I thought it was.

I'm not sure whether I personally can say with any kind of confidence the decision to kill Natalie is a bad writing choice because I think what's a bad choice depends on what you think the story is about.

I think where they've lost me is that I thought this was an ensemble character study of these surviving women and the question of whether they can every integrate back into society now that their wildness has been set free. They're maenads forced to come back to their domestic lives.

I may have had a more I guess feminist view on this show than maybe it ever intended to go there. I thought this was a show about these fierce, complicated women who were able to escape the social confines in the wilderness and while now they are physically safe, feel alienated and numb. And the challenge isn't so much a survival question as it is on where they fit into the world now. In the wilderness, they probably would've eaten each other until there was nothing left. In society, they feel purposeless, alienated and disconnected. So the challenge for the adults is how to reconcile these two points. How to not devolve into mad self-destruction but also how to give their wildness room to run.

Want to know what my ideal ending was? I was hoping for a bittersweet conclusion where the women resign themselves to never being able to fit into society again and they return to the wilderness BUT this time instead of Lottie leading them, it's Natalie. That's what I thought the white moose meant, an omen that was only shown to Natalie but one that was ignored in the teen timeline as Lottie took power. And as a Mistynat person as well what would be interesting about this is that it would mean Misty was the first true believer in Natalie as queen. Someone called Misty the personification of the wilderness so that would explain why, despite Lottie being queen, it is Nat who has Misty's ultimate devotion. So in the adult timeline their fates would be unknown but at least in a way they're free now and they've chosen their trauma bond with each other over 'safer', 'healthier' options that don't feel as real and meaningful. (Also would love if Callie joined them because they bring more maenads with them)

I'm sharing this with you because I've appreciated your thoughts because they've helped me process some of my feelings over this story that I love so much, but now I'm not sure how to feel about. And also I wondered if my take on this show resonates with you because the biggest thing this is doing my head in is that I feel like I've read this story completely wrong?? And it breaks my heart to think that I did.

Anyway I love your writing and your thoughts and sorry it was so long but just wanted to say I appreciate you in this fandom <3

Thank you so much for this message, and I completely agree with 100% of what you've said here. It absolutely resonates with me, and you've identified what my biggest problem is: where season two ended up is not the show I felt I was watching in season one. I had the exact same read on it that you did, and while we could both be projecting/overestimating how feminist it truly was, I felt like the building blocks were so firmly there. I guess I was drawn to both the potential of what it could be, and the fact that it truly seemed like it was going in that direction.

I love your ideal ending for the show, and I think - even if it wasn't what we would have gotten - based on season one, it was a believable direction for the show to go. After season two, it's impossible. And I feel the same way, wondering how I could have read this show so wrong. I really don't think we did, based on the first season. But I guess if we did, it's at least the two of us in this together!

I'm so so glad that what I've written about the episode has helped you process. Screaming about it was one of the only things that helped me, and I'm still upset days later, to be honest.

I think it just hurts to have to mourn both a great character and a great show; both the show and Natalie sparked something in me that I hadn't had for a long time, and I just feel defeated about it. I know what you mean about the feeling of falling out of love with a story. That's so what this is, and that Karyn Kusama interview really put the nail in the coffin for me that this is not the show I thought we were getting. And that I have no interest in watching women suffer until they die, without offering any kind of depth beyond that. I wanted dark and complex, but I didn't want completely hopeless.

Thank you for this message, and I appreciate you being in this fandom, too! I'm so glad we can at least feel this way together ❤️