#anyway had i been monty i would have killed myself on the spot

[avatar-aaang]

Monty was so so strong for not just immediately walking into traffic after that

[snowe-zolynn-rogers]

A Moon In Our Sad Sun Convention?

Pairings: None

Word Count: 1,229

Summary: Moon runs away straight into an inter-dimensional therapy session, leading to many, many cuddles.

Warnings: Panic Attack, Past Death (mentioned), Hurt/Comfort, Past Self-Unalive (mentioned in passing only), Angst, Everyone Not Tagged Is Only Mentioned, let me know if I should add anything else.

Notes: Set after ‘Sun and Moon Breakup’.

Chapter 1: Travelling To Comfort

Moon knew it was running, he knew it. But he couldn't stay anymore, he was all alone. He couldn't stand being alone. He'd always had someone, whether it be Sun or Lunar or KC. But KC was asleep, Lunar had moved out, and Sunny had finally left him. He was all alone in the world. Even Monty was staying with Lunar until he could find his friend, Puppet.

So Moon did the only other thing he could think of, travel dimensions. Surely other dimensions wouldn't mind being slightly intruded upon as long as he could cling onto someone and be assured he was loved and he wasn't so incapable of existing. So Moon stumbled through his dimensional portal right into the ball pit of a different daycare and spotted the very person he'd travelled to see.

Nebula, the Sun who never had a Moon, the one he had taught how to run a channel of his very own. And it looked as though he'd stumbled right into a recording but he couldn't find it in himself to stop the beeline for Nebula and collapsing against him in the chair Nebula sat in.

"Moon?" Nebula asked softly.

"Please. Just tell me I'm not useless. Please, Nebula, I'll do anything." Moon managed to choke out.

"Oh, Moon." One of Nebula’s hands rested around him now, holding tightly and protectively. The other came up to excavate Moon's faceplate from his shoulder.

"Please, Neb." He sniffled, he was actually crying. His eyes were leaking oil and clouding his vision.

"Moon, you're not useless. You never have been. Who told you that?" Nebulas asked. He could hear gasps and slight chattering behind him but Nebula's hand kept his faceplate directed at him so he couldn't turn to see who that was.

"Me and Sunny had a fight. A really big fight. Sun snapped, he killed Blood Moon, now he's after Eclipse and he wants to kill him too. But Eclipse said he can get rid of Kill Code. He wants me to make a deal with him. I-I tried to stop Sun, because-" He had to stop temporarily due to his crying ripping a sob from his vocals before he could recover from it.

"Because I don't want him to feel how I do. The guilt of having killed people. I don't want that for him! It's…It's too much to bear, I can't let him deal with that guilt too! B-But Sunny yelled at me and he left anyway and I couldn't stop him! Why couldn't I stop him? Am I that useless? Am I stupid? Why can't I make him stop and listen? I just want my brother home! I don't want to be alone!"

"You’re not useless, Moon-"

"I am! Sunny left, Lunar left, Monty left, I can't make anyone stay. I don't want to be alone but everyone keeps leaving me behind again. Doesn't Sun remember!? I don't like being alone, I can't...I can't be alone...I don't want to be alone again." Moon buried back into Nebula's shoulder, choking sobs as the other animatronic rubbed over his back to help calm him.

"You aren't alone, Moon. You have me. You have so many people. You aren't alone anymore. And you're certainly not useless. Moon, you kept my home open. You saved me from dying. They would have scrapped me in just a couple more hours after you first came, but you saved me, only you did that." Nebula reminded him. "You're the more capable person I know. You could never be useless."

"Then why does everyone leave? Am I not good enough? Should...Should I just wipe myself to get rid of KC so they stay?" Nebula's arm got tighter.

"No. Don't you even dare think of it. You don't need to change yourself to make others happy. You're not going to kill yourself to make your family stay, that's not how family works." Nebula told him as calmly as a fumingly angry sun model could.

"What can I do then? How do I make them see that I'm hurt too? Why can't they see that we're falling apart?" Moon asked.

"Sun is blinded by anger, Lunar is blinded by fear. Monty…is just very oblivious. They'll come around, Moon."

"I never thought I'd want to kill a Sun." Moon heard muttered to his left and he turned to see another Sun model, one he recognized too. It was the one from the universe where Sun got the kill code, dubbed the murder code, and this was Black Hole, the Murder Code's manifestation.

Black Hole's Moon had died a while back, due to the sheer controlled shocks they'd taken when sharing a body. They'd caused glitches and the animatronic equivalent of seizures, that all led to him never waking up after one of his extremely back glitches.

Moon had found Black Hole's dimension a while back, showing up only hours after Black's brother died. Moon had been clung to for hours during his grieving process and still had to do check-ups on him once in a while to make sure he was okay. Yet he was here? Here in Nebula's dimension? Why?

"What?" Moon asked softly, Nebula releasing his faceplate to let him look around to see various sun models, all seated in chairs in the closed daycare, seemingly having been talking about something as a group.

But the more of them he saw, the more he realized what he'd walked into. None of these sun models had a Moon, or at least not the same one, anymore. This was a gathering? Of suns? Of those who didn't have their other half anymore?

Andromeda's Moon had died so long ago after the corruption by Eclipse's code, Sunshine's Moon had sacrificed himself to kill Eclipse by turning Sunshine human. Micronova's Moon was wiped to zero, Borealis' died at the end of October, Blitzar's Moon died back in August. Blazar's Moon sacrificed himself taking Eclipse into his body and killing them both, and Preon's Moon had died by Blood Moon's hands.

"Moon, we were having a therapy session for us Suns without Moons." Nebula explained.

"I'm sorry, I’ll leave-"

"No." Andromeda, who was on his right, immediately cut him off. "Don't leave. Your family has abandoned you, you need time to heal over that. Stay. Let us help?" Andromeda asked of him.

"They'll look for me..."

"And they won't find you. If you don't want them to. You have more family than you think, Moon. We are all your brothers. Your world isn't the only one you've made an impact on, you saved some of us from dying, or...worse..." Meda didn't need to elaborate on that, Moon understood quite well of when he'd talked both Andromeda and Sunshine down from that.

"Moon, we love you, we don't want you to feel abandoned. Let us care for you before you go home?" Black Hole asked.

"Okay, I'll stay. Just...Please don't leave." Moon softly asked.

"Of course not. We won't leave." Sunshine answered, Moon finally calming from his panic attack to feeling exhausted against Nebula, who seemed to simply accept the dead weight on him as Moon entered rest mode. He felt safe falling asleep, for the first time in a long, long time with the alternate selves of his brother watching over him like he was nothing but a crying little one in need of comfort.

[superzombiewho]

Dempsey’s POV to watching Anya fall in love with Edward

I should tell her.

Anya.

She’s so beautiful. Her gorgeous hair, frames her face just right, her blue eyes with hints of grey remind me of an ocean, and her very few but noticeable freckles that litter her face make her look very young and adorable.

I venture to her favorite spot in this god forsaken castle, which was the pyramid. She loves the whole place, it’s spacious, it is beautiful as she puts it, and it’s a place worth researching.

As I get closer, I can hear her little giggles.

“Must be giggling over the weird blue orb specks.” I mutter to myself.

I walk around the corner but immediately stop in my tracks.

‘What is he doing here?’ I question myself.

I’m brought back to reality by her voice.

“It’s so nice to learn more about this type of stuff. Monty always forbade it. Thank you, Edward.” She smiles up at the man, and he returns it.

But these aren’t friendly smiles. And the look in their eyes aren’t friendly either. Their looking at each other like they’ve known each other for years, and their now falling in love. The same look I look at her with.

I see her stand on her tip toes so she can reach him, and she pecks his cheek. Why do I feel this stab to the heart pain? Why do I hear glass breaking? Why is my vision blurry? No. She isn’t mine. She is her own person. But what is happening to me?

~~~~~

Nik, Tak and I were sitting by a fire, talking about our day. It has been weeks since I saw Anya kiss Edwards cheek. I’ve been a little more angry at Sauerkraut, and I’ve been finding excuses to ignore Anya, but it hurts to lie to her. I’ve been more quiet, which is unusual, I think everyone is starting to notice, but then again they could be thinking it’s from me eliminating my olderself.

Anyways, as the two men and I were talking, laughing, and eating our plain food, Anastasia and Edward walk in giggling and chuckling, bright smiles on both of their faces, I feel my blood boil and I’m back to being quiet.

I watch as Edward hands Anya her share of food, and she brightly smiles up at him, the smallest of wrinkles in the corners of her eyes, tiny dimples becoming evident. She says a thank you, before walking to her spot next to her brother, but which ends up being next to me.

“Heya, Tank! How was your day?” She brightly asks. Even with everything going on, and how shitty her childhood was, she kept having a smile, always seeming a little childish, but it suited her. At least she was still a badass.

“It was fine.” I said, a little too harshly, making me feel guilty. I noticed the men’s moods change when I snapped at her. Anya’s smile faded a little, but quickly put it back on just as quick as it came off.

“How many of the undead did you kill?” She asks, still trying to bring up a small conversation.

“‘Dunno, lost count. But I’m going to hit the sack early. Night.” And with that I walk off.

Behind me I hear her ask if I was alright. Then I hear Takeo say I was fine until she arrived with Edward.

~~~~~

When Edward had called her to his office, I was hesitant to tell her. They’ve been getting even closer.

But I couldn’t do that to her. So I told her anyways. Seems as if Nik doesn’t like the idea, yeah, neither do I.

But she walks off anyways.

While she is away, the men and I are left to discuss what German could want with her. But after a half hour, she comes back.

With a new gun.

And a loving smile.

No…

~~~~~

We had a bit of a scare.

Anya had almost died.

There was a whole horde after her, too many for her to handle.

Her skin was torn apart, laying in a puddle of her own blood, gasping for air.

Nikolai and I fought the undead while Takeo tried to get her as stable as possible, just until Edward could come back.

When the round ended, and we had time to rest, everyone helped Anastasia up. Receiving hugs from everyone.

When I received mine, I held her close. Not wanting to let go, afraid she would disappear.

But Richtofen came into the room. Sporting a lot of horrible scratches himself, his objective in hand, taking deep breaths.

Anya looked at him and gasped, limping her way to him.

He finally had a good look at her and stumbled his way to her. They held each other tightly. Her arms around his neck. One arm of his placed on her waist, while the other held her head, fingers through her hair.

I see them talking to each other, not being able to catch a word. But eventually, she had grabbed his face, pulling him in for a kiss.

And right there, I felt weak. I wanted to cry. My throat started to hurt. I looked away, clearing my throat.

I looked at them one last time, both passionately kissing each other, before walking off.

~~~~~

I may have not gotten the girl.

But she’s happy.

And that’s all that matters.

She deserves it after all she’s been through.

I know for a fact though, I will always love her. And if that damned Sauerkraut does something to upset her, I’ll be there to beat his ass.

[uniqorrn]

Bellamy Blake x Reader

Location: The Dropship

Summary: After leaving the camp with Clarke, Jasper, Octavia, Monty, and Fin in attempt at getting to the mountains you make the mistake of following Octavia into the fresh water you find along the way. After Octavia is attacked by a creature in the water she is saved by Jasper. You all think you're safe but, the creature comes back for more and takes you this time instead, leaving you injured when the group finally saves you. However, Bellamy isn't too happy to see that both his sister and his girlfriend come back to camp wounded.

Warnings: ⚠️ language, kind of a make-out session/a little smutty, blood, being attacked by a creature, injuries, mentions of drowning/drowning like scenes, overprotective! and jealous! Bellamy(but hey who doesn't like that 😉)

Pairing(s): Bellamy Blake x Reader some Fin x Reader if you squint.

Words: 2,292

A/n: For this imagine the story has been altered a little bit. And I apologize if somethings wrong with the scene, I just started watching the 100 so I apologize in advance if i anything seems off or wrong.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Your POV:

"Are you sure we're going the right way, Clarke?" You groaned out as you stepped over yet another large tree root. You had been walking for hours and your body was tired. All you wanted was to sit down and rest for just a minute.

"Yes, I'm sure." She paused, taking in a deep breath as she looked around at the woods. "I at least think we are."

"Maybe we should go back to ca-"

"Hey, guys! Check this out!" You were interrupted by a sudden shout, turning your head in the direction of the shout you sped up your pace until you moved into a run. Your e/c eyes widened at the sight, allowing them to dance across the crystal still water that laid in front of you.  A wide grin tugged at your lips as you turned to look at Octavia, giving her that same mischievous smirk that she was giving you.

"You thinking what I'm thinking?" She laughed, her eyes darting back out to the still water.

"Hell yeah!" You shouted, pumping your fist into the air before starting to take off your jeans as you watched Octavia begin to break the still water, creating ripples the further she walked in.

"Man, I love earth" you heard Jasper mumble behind you. You rolled your eyes at his comment knowing he was watching you and Octavia strip of your clothes. With that same smirk you followed Octavia into the water, sighing at the cold sensation that wrapped around your body the deeper you went. However, you only made it waist deep in the water when the group behind you began shouting.

"Get out of the water!"

"Get out of the water now you guys!" Your eyes widened at the way the water moved. Fast ripples and waves moved towards you and Octavia at a lightning fast speed. You turned on your feet and moved out of the water as fast as you could, slipping and sliding on the wet rocks beneath your feet as the water restricted your movements. The rest of the group were up on the rocks, shouting and reaching their hands out towards you and Octavia. You managed to get closer to the rocks to grab Fins hand, who pulled you out of the water and onto land unharmed. Without a minute of rest you turned around quickly, screaming out your bestfriends name in fear.

"Octavia!" You cried, letting go of Fins arm as you fell to the ground near the edge of the rock you were standing on. Your eyes landed on Octavia just as the creature took her under the water, your eyes glazing over with tears instantly.

"Octavia! No!" You continued to cry out for her, your eyes searching the deep river for any signs of her. Just as soon as everyone thought she was gone, she broke the surface again and dragged around in circles, screaming for help.

"Quick! Help me distract it. Maybe it will let her go." Clarke shouted, pushing a large boulder into the water with the help of Fin. Just as she thought, the creature let go of Octavia and rushed to the splash that was created by the giant rock. Jasper ran to the waters surface, jumping in and pulling her out of the water and onto land safely.

"Octavia! Your leg." Clarke mumbled, pointing to the smaller wound on her upper thigh. I stayed sitting on the cold wet rock, watching the group from a distance as they checked on her wound. I was too busy focusing on slowing my breathing that I didn't notice the creature was coming back until something grabbed my ankle. A sharp, loud scream left my throat as I was dragged back into the freezing cold water. As I went under, I inhaled some of the river water, coughing it back up and gasping for air as I surfaced.

"Y/n!" The group shouted, rushing to the edge of the rock.

"Y/n! Hold on! Quick, Somebody help her!" I could hear Octavia's terrified shouts from the shore as the creature dragged me around the water. However, everyone was frozen In place and too shocked to do anything. Another sharp scream left my throat as sharp teeth sank into my waist and left arm, blood staining the water red as it leaked from my body and into the river.

"S-Somebody... h-help me!" I coughed out, reaching my right hand out of the water as if someone would grab it and help pull me out. By this time I had inhaled too much water and was becoming dizzy from the lack of oxygen. As spots started clouding my vision everything stopped, the creature released me from its hold and suddenly I was floating, kicking myself up above the waters surface to try and inhale what oxygen I could. My body grew tired the more I kicked, pain shooting up my left side with each thrust as i kicked myself closer to the shore. My head started to go under again, my breathing turning into desperate gasps.

"It's alright, I got you now." Fins hands wrapped around my arm, pulling me out of the water and back onto the shore. He pressed me against his chest as I coughed up more water onto the rocks, groaning at the pain that throbbed on my left side. He gently put me down on the ground, rolling me onto my side to let the water fall from my mouth.

"Oh god.. Y/n! Are you okay?!" Octavia shouted, her eyes glossing over as she looked at the deep gash on my waist.

"I-I'm alright..-" I paused to cough, wincing at the pain in my side. "I think anyway" I forced out a laugh, soon followed by another short coughing fit.

"Let's get you two back to camp, those injuries are bad." Clarke said, the others all nodding in agreement as they crowded around me.

"Wait you guys.." Jaspers eyes widened, his lip quivering slightly. It's like he was frozen with fear, even greater fear than what we just went through.

"What Jasper? We don't have time to wait." Clarke lectured, per usual for her. There was a rather long pause as we all waited for Jasper to speak up again. And when he finally did the groups eyes widened in fear, swallowing the lumps in their throats as he uttered those five words.

"Bellamy's going to kill us."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Someone get me some medical supplies!" Clarke shouted as we made it into the clearing of the camp. All eye turned to look at us, hushed gasps and whispered filling the clearing as Jasper helped Octavia sit down on a log and while Fin placed me on the floor next to her, helping me lean back against the log for support. Bellamy and Murphy were in the back of the large crowd that had gathered around. They shared a look, Bellamy's jaw flexing as he pushed forward through the crowd, Murphy following quickly behind.

"What the hell happened here?" That voice. That stern, deep, husky voice you knew all to well sounded above all the commotion. You raised your head slightly, giving Bellamy a tired smile as Fin adjusted you once more for Clarke to be able to work her magic. Murphy stood next to Bellamy, the two giving each other a worried yet curious stare as their eyes landed on my wounds.

"Ow! Clarke that stings!" I hissed out, jerking backward slightly as she applied some ointment to the wound. Bellamy walked up to Octavia first, sending Fin and Clarke a glare as they ignored his protests and questions. But, I didn't fail to see that stern glare he sent their way as he squatted down next to his sister. He was always overprotective of me and his sister but, when it came to me it was a whole new level of overprotective. I was used to it by now but, it still sent butterflies to my stomach knowing he still felt and acted the same way as when we first met.

"I'm sorry, Y/n. But, we need to clean the wound, it could get infected." You could hear Bellamy and Octavia mumbling at the other end of the log. Bellamy's jaw tightened in anger and worry the more he heard your painful moans. He hated seeing you hurt in anyway so, you can imagine the shock he had when he saw you entering the camp with a bloody gash on your waist and a rather large scratch on your left arm. He wasn't there to protect you and that pissed him off even more. After Clarke was done she and Fin walked over to Octavia, leaving you alone for only a few seconds before Bellamy was right at your side.

"Are you crazy? You could've gotten yourself killed Y/n!" He mumbled, placing a hand on your shoulder as he used the other one to lean on, giving himself some support.

"I'm fine, Bellamy. Fin pulled me out of-"

"Fin?! Why is it always about Fin nowadays!" He whisper-yelled, his face turning red in anger and jealousy.

"Bellamy calm down! I'm alive thanks to him-"

"I'm not going to calm down Y/n! You could have died! don't you get it? you could have died out there and I wouldn't know. I don't like that he touched you.. I don't like that he was the one that pulled you out of the water. I don't like that he's the one who brought you back to camp wrapped up in his arms as if he was your boyfriend-" I cut off his jealous rant with a kiss, pressing my lips onto his in a heated kiss. His breathing slowed down and his muscles began to relax as our lips moved in sync. After a minute we broke away for air, resting our foreheads against each others. He moved his lips down to my neck to place rough yet sweet kisses there, earning a gasp out of me. He placed feather light kisses the rest of the way down, stopping at my exposed shoulder -as I was wearing a tank top- to place small, light, loving kisses there. A small groan left my lips at his light touch which caused him to smirk against my skin. He knew exactly what he was doing and only made his ego bigger.

"Bell.. Not here. Not in front of everyone." I mumbled, pushing his head up so he could look me in the eyes again.

"Why not? Everyone should know that you belong to me." He smirked, tucking his hand underneath my legs as the other wrapped around my lower back, careful not to touch the wound on my hip. He stood up with me in his arms-bridal style- as he started walking to his tent. Giving Fin a sharp glare and a smirk as he passed him before entering me and his shared tent. He gently set me on the cot, giving me another hot kiss on my lips. He placed his hands on either side of me to support himself as he hovered over me. His black curly hair fell over his face as he planted his lips back on my neck, kissing and sucking till a sharp gasp left my throat once again. He abused that spot for a moment, smirking against my skin as our breathing became heavier and our bodies became hotter.

"You're lucky you're injured right now or else I wouldn't be holding back." His hot breath hit against my skin as he spoke, making another quiet moan leave my throat.

"Oh really?" I smirked, placing a firm kiss on his toned jawline. He took in a sharp breath, falling to lay beside me on the cot. His signature smirk was plastered on his face as he made himself comfortable next to me, his hand running down the thigh that wasn't injured.

"Now you've got me all hot and bothered, babe." I grumbled, scooting down so I could lay my head on his bicep, giving him a small kiss on the cheek before I snuggled into his chest.

"You could say it's payback for almost dying on me."

"Well, you'll just have to punish me when I'm better don't you think?" I questioned. I already knew what his answer would be but, I enjoyed the teasing.

"Oh you know it babygirl." He smirked, looking down at me with those dark, brooding eyes. oh boy were you in for a treat once your wound healed.

[alyssawritesssfics]

Hounded [3] 3. Earth Kills

Pairings: Bellamy x OC // Kane x daughter!OC

Word Count: 3.3K

Warnings: violence, series spoilers

Summary: When trapped in a cave together, Athena sees a new side of Bellamy. One that she might actually like.

Author’s Note: Hii, I’m back with the third chapter/episode. The cave scene has been my favourite to write thus far (I know, we’re only on episode three) and I hope you enjoy it too! Please remember to note and reblog! It really helps me see interest and therefore update the story more often. Thank you! PS. If you’d like to be tagged in future chapters, please send me an ask with your @ and I will add you to my list!

previous chapter // series masterlist

The following day I found myself behind the dropship, collecting more wood for fires. We had returned to camp with the large cat Wells had killed, Bellamy using everyone’s hunger as a way to get them to remove their wristbands. I was able to hold out, sneaking some food once everyone had piled into the dropship for the night.

I hadn’t gotten much sleep last night. Jasper spent most of it groaning in pain, while the other delinquents yelled for him to shut up. The groaning was still going on, though I’d begun to tune it out for the most part.

Grabbing my pile of wood, I headed around the dropship and towards the fire, dropping it all into the pile Wells had started earlier. Just as the wood fell to the ground, the sound of screaming filled my ears.

I ran towards the dropship, climbing the ladder to the top floor and shoving the door open.

“Hold him still, I need to cut away the infected flesh.” Clarke held a knife in her hand, while Monty, Wells and Finn held Jasper down.

“What the hell are you guys doing?” I asked.

Octavia soon climbed through the door, standing at my side. “Stop it! You’re killing him.”

“She’s trying to save his life.” Finn rolled his eyes.

“She can’t,” Bellamy spoke, joining us on the top floor. “Look at him, he might as well be dead already.”

Wells stood up, stepping in front of Bellamy. “Back off.”

“We didn’t drag him through miles of woods just to let him die,” Clarke said.

“He’s making us all crazy, Clarke,” I spoke up.

“This isn’t the Ark, Athena.” Clarke snapped. “Down here, every life matters.”

I shook my head. “I’m not saying his life doesn’t matter. Just look at him, he’s suffering. He’s not going to make it.”

Clarke shook her head, her eyes meeting Octavia’s. “Octavia, I’ve spent my whole life watching my mother heal people. If I say there’s hope, there’s hope.”

“This isn’t about hope, it’s about guts,” Bellamy said. “You don’t have the guts to make the hard choices. I do. He’s been like this for three days. If he’s not better by tomorrow, I’ll kill him myself.”

I kicked my feet and bit my lower lip, catching Wells’ eyes. “Athena, come on. You can’t be on his side.”

“I’m sorry, but I am,” I said, my eyes fixed on the metal floor beneath me. “The longer you four play doctor, the more he’s suffering for nothing. It’s time to let go.”

Bellamy and I turned to leave. “Come on, O.” He said.

“I’m staying here.”

Bellamy shook his head, climbing back down the ladder.

I turned to the group. “I hope you guys are right about this, but if you’re not…” I trailed off, shaking my head and heading down the ladder myself.

...

Later that afternoon, I watched as a group prepped to go hunting. The sound of Jasper screaming in pain was starting to give me a headache and all I wanted to do was leave camp.

When I spotted Bellamy exit the dropship to join them, I rushed to his side.

“Hey, you guys are going hunting?”

He raised an eyebrow. “We are.”

“Good, I’m in.”

Bellamy shook his head, smirking. “You want to go hunting?”

I stepped in front of him, both of us coming to a complete stop. “Look, I can’t listen to Jasper anymore. I need to get out of here. Besides, an extra hand can’t hurt, can it?”

Looking me up and down, Bellamy sighed. “Do you know anything about hunting?”

“No, but I’m a quick learner.”

“As long as you don’t get in the way, sure you can come.”

I clapped my hands together. “Let’s go then.”

...

We had been hunting for a few hours before finally coming across a boar. It was plumb, enough meat on its bones to feed all of us tonight. My mouth was watering just thinking about how good it would taste.

Bellamy pressed his pointer finger to his lips. “Shh… She’s mine.”

I watched as he stepped closer and just as he was about to attack, a stick snapped behind us. Bellamy spun around, throwing his axe in the direction of the noise as the boar ran off. The rest of the group, aside from Atom ran after it, screaming like a bunch of idiots.

Turning around, I spotted a young blonde girl peeking out from behind a tree. Her eyes were wide as she looked at the axe which had hit the tree next to her head.

Bellamy dropped his hands to his sides. “Who the hell are you?”

“C-Charlotte.” The girl mumbled.

“He could’ve killed you.” I hissed, causing the girl to frown.

Bellamy sighed, stepping forward. “Why aren’t you back at camp?”

“The guy who is dying,” Charlotte spoke, her eyes fixed on the ground. “I just couldn’t listen to it anymore.”

I couldn’t help but let out a sigh. “You and me both,”

“There are grounders out here,” Atom spoke. “It’s not safe for a little girl.”

“I’m not little.”

Bellamy and I exchanged glances. “Well then,” Bellamy said, pulling a knife out of his pocket. “You can’t hunt without a weapon.” He handed Charlotte the knife. “Ever kill anything before?”

Charlotte shook her head.

“Who knows, maybe you’ll be good at it.” Bellamy smiled before turning around and heading off to find the others.

I smiled at her as well. “Come on,”

Charlotte and I followed Bellamy and Atom through the forest. We had yet to find the others when suddenly, a swarm of bugs flew past us.

“What the hell?” Atom asked.

Rats, which I had yet to see on the ground, began scurrying in the same direction the bugs had flown. I watched as a cloud of yellow began forming in front of us, a horn sounding in the air.

“That can’t be good.” I mumbled.

“Come on! There are caves this way.” Bellamy spoke, running off.

The three of us followed Bellamy, myself being sure to keep Charlotte within my reach. I watched as Atom tripped, though I didn’t stop. I just kept running until I too fell. 

My head connected with a rock, causing me to scream out in pain.

This is it. This is how I die.

Just as I accepted my fate, a pair of strong arms wrapped around me, pulling me from the ground. “Charlotte, keep going!” It was Bellamy.

I tried my best to run, though Bellamy pulled me most of the way. Finally, we reached the cave and Bellamy let go of me, closing the entrance with a larger rock. I slid down the wall of the cave, pressing my hand to the back of my head.

“Are you okay?” Charlotte asked.

I nodded, removing my hand and examining the blood on it. “Yeah, I’ll be alright.”

“What happened to Atom?” Bellamy asked.

I looked away, unable to explain how I left him behind.

Bellamy sighed. “We should be safe here for the night.”

“Should be?” Charlotte asked.

“Will be,” I spoke up. “We will be safe here.”

Charlotte frowned, and I knew she believed that as much as I did.

...

We had been stuck in the cave for a while, Charlotte having fallen asleep. Bellamy inspected the wound on my head, touching it lightly. I let out a yelp, swatting his hand away.

He moved back. “Sorry.”

“It’s okay,” I spoke, my voice shaking. “Is it bad?”

“It looks like the bleeding has stopped at least. No sleeping for you though.”

I sighed. “Not like I’ve done much sleeping down here anyways.”

We were both silent for a few moments before finally, Bellamy cleared his throat. “Do you think everyone back at camp is okay?”

“I’m sure they are,” I said. “They probably all hid inside the dropship.”

“Safer there than here, I guess.”

“I was sure the fog would’ve slipped through a crack of this cave.” I looked over at Charlotte. “Poor kid probably didn’t expect to almost die twice today. She’s lucky your aim sucks.”

Bellamy chuckled. “It wasn’t bad considering I wasn’t looking in that direction.”

“Alright, I’ll give you that.” I smiled, before the thought of Atom filled my mind. “I left him behind…”

“What?”

“Atom,” I said. “I saw him fall. I could’ve stopped and helped him up, but I didn’t.”

Bellamy shook his head. “You were afraid.”

“And you weren’t?” I asked, tears welling in my eyes. “You ran back to save me. You shouldn’t have. You should’ve kept going.”

“What’s done is done, Athena. You can’t change it now, so learn from it, do better next time.” 

I nodded, my eyes beginning to flutter shut as a wave of exhaustion washed over me. “You almost sound like my father.”

Bellamy ignored my remark. “Hey, no sleeping, alright?”

“I’m tired.”

“Too bad,” Bellamy frowned. “Why did you get locked up?”

“What?”

“If you keep talking, you’ll stay awake. Tell me why you got locked up.”

I shook my head. “It was stupid.”

“How stupid?”

“Bellamy-”

“Athena.” His voice was stern.

I took a deep breath. “Someone I cared about, their father was sick. The Ark wouldn’t give him the medication he needed, so I stole it.” Bellamy’s eyes grew slightly wider. “I stole my mother’s keycard to get into the medicine cabinet and of course, they figured out it was me and thus I was arrested.”

“You must’ve really cared about that person,” Bellamy mumbled.

“He was like my second father,” I admitted. “I mean, you know how my dad is. When I started dating my boyfriend, his father was always nice to me. Always making sure I was okay, something my dad never really bothered to do.” I paused for a second, wiping my eyes. “I couldn’t just sit back and watch him die. Not after everything he’s done for me.”

Bellamy was silent for a moment. “Did he make it?”

“Yeah, he did.” I smiled. “Knowing that makes all of this worth it, as much as I wish I wasn’t down here right now. I would give anything to be able to see my mom again, hug her, tell her I love her.” I watched as Bellamy’s face fell. “Bellamy, I’m sorry-”

“No, it’s okay.” He said, mustering up a small smile.

I shook my head. “No, It’s not. Nothing about what they do up there is okay.”

Just as Bellamy went to speak, Charlotte began tossing, letting out a small scream.

“Charlotte,” Bellamy spoke, rushing to her side. “Wake up.”

Charlotte shot up, panting. “I’m sorry.”

Bellamy frowned. “Does that happen often?”

Charlotte nodded.

“What are you scared of?” I asked.

“It doesn’t matter,” Bellamy said. “The only thing that matters is what you do about it.”

I almost felt like he was talking to me as well.

“But, I’m asleep,” Charlotte mumbled.

“Fears are fears. Slay your demons while you’re awake, they won’t be able to get you while you sleep.”

“How?”

Bellamy looked over at me for a moment, before looking back to Charlotte. “You can’t afford to be weak. Down here, weakness is death. Let me see that knife I gave you.” Charlotte nodded, reaching into her pocket and pulling out the knife. She handed it over to Bellamy, who squeezed the handle in his hand. “Now, when you feel afraid, you hold this knife tight and say ‘screw you, I’m not afraid’.”

He handed the knife back to Charlotte, who held onto the knife as tight as she could with both hands. “S-screw you, I’m not afraid.”

“Louder.”

Charlotte looked to me, and I nodded. “Screw you. I’m not afraid.”

Bellamy smiled, patting her on the shoulder. “Slay your demons kid, then you’ll be able to sleep.”

Charlotte nodded with a small smile. Still holding the knife in her hands, she rolled back over and fell back asleep. Bellamy made his way back over to me, sitting down with his back against the cave wall.

“I think I’m starting to see where Octavia gets it from,”

…

The following morning, Bellamy pushed the rock covering the cave opening out of the way. He stepped outside, looking around.

“It’s all clear,” He said before stepping out further. “Is anyone out here? Jones?”

“We’re here!” Jones called out.

I stood from my spot, my legs shaking under me. “It’s okay, Charlotte. We can head back to camp now.”

Charlotte nodded, standing up and following me out of the cave.

“Where’d you guys go?” Bellamy asked Jones.

“We made it to a cave down there,” Jones pointed to the West.

I stepped forward. “Did you guys see Atom?”

Jones shook his head, causing me to frown.

“We’ll find him,” Bellamy assured me. “Let’s head back to camp.”

…

Most of the walk back to camp was quiet, aside from the occasional call-out for Atom. We had yet to find him, a fact that was slowly driving me insane. I could feel my fingernails piercing the palm of my hands hidden under my jacket, surly drawing blood.

A hand landed on my shoulder, causing me to jump slightly.

“Sorry,” Bellamy said, looking me over. “You’ve been quiet, I just wanted to make sure you’re alright.”

Last night had shown a different side of Bellamy I had never expected to see. I had half expected him to switch back to his douchebag persona the second we left that cave. Instead, here he was, asking if I was alright.

My cheeks began to heat up, causing me to focus on the ground underneath my feet. “I’ll feel a lot better once we find Atom.”

Bellamy nodded.

The rest of the group had fallen behind us, though Charlotte was so far ahead of us I could barely make out her silhouette through the trees. No matter how many times I had called out for her, she just kept going.

Charlotte finally disappeared from my sight and just a few moments later, her frightened screams rang out through the forest. Without hesitating, Bellamy and I sprung into action, running in her direction.

Before long we found her, standing over a body.

Atom.

“Oh my god,”

Bellamy moved closer, kneeling down and looking Atom over. He was covered in bloody boils and blisters, his skin looking as if it had been slowly burned away. His eyes were glossy, his pupils small. 

I placed my hand on Charlotte’s shoulder before making my way over to the two. Atom was shaking, stuttering incoherently. Finally, he was able to get out a few broken words: kill me, please.

Bellamy stood up, taking a few steps back as the rest of the group joined us. Stepping forward, Charlotte pulled out the knife Bellamy had given her earlier. She handed it to Bellamy and whispered, “Done be afraid.” 

Taking a deep breath, Bellamy cleared his throat. “All of you head back to camp. Charlotte, you too.”

The group dispersed, including Charlotte, though she was more reluctant to leave than rest had been. Bellamy eyed me, still standing just a few meters away.

“Bellamy, I can’t-”

“I know,” He spoke, nodding.

Bellamy knelt back down, holding the knife in his hand. I sat across from him on the other side of Atom, watching as Bellamy’s eyes shifted around. 

Atom spoke again through broken words, begging Bellamy to do it. I watched as Bellamy sat there, unable to move. Finally, I reached over, taking the hand he was holding the knife with in mine.

Bellamy looked up at me and for a second I could see tears welling in his blue eyes. I slowly slipped the knife out of his hand and into my own, pulling my hand away and placing it at my side.

“Athena-”

“I can do this,” Taking a deep breath, I looked down at Atom. “Okay, I’m going to help you. Just breathe, alright?”

I placed my free hand on Atom’s cheek, lightly brushing it with my thumb as I moved the knife towards the side of his neck. I slowly slid the blade into his skin, pulling it out just the same.

As Atom slowly bled out, I continued to comfort him as best as I could at that moment. Finally, Atom stopped moving and I knew he was gone. 

Looking up, I was met with Bellamy’s sorrowful eyes. It was at that moment that I realized I had been crying, a droplet of salt falling into my mouth. 

I quickly wiped my eyes with my free hand before wiping the bloody knife on the ground and handing it back to Bellamy. “We should get him back to camp, bury him with the others.”

…

Finn, Wells and Clarke had soon found us and helped us get Atom’s body back to camp. I hadn’t spoken the rest of the way back, knowing if I opened my mouth I would only start to cry again.

The camp gate was quickly opened upon our arrival, Clarke rushing ahead of us and demanding quick action in making Jasper’s medicine. Bellamy ordered a few of the delinquents to get Clarke anything she needed, while Wells headed off to dig a grave for Atom.

Across the camp, I watched as Octavia exited the dropship. She chatted with Clarke for a moment before her face sunk and she yanked herself away, rushing over to myself and Bellamy.

“Octavia, just stay back, please,” Bellamy commanded.

“Why?”

Octavia attempted to push past Bellamy, only to fail. Upon her second attempt, she managed to get past him, her eyes quickly falling on the body whose face was covered by a jacket. She got on her knees and looked at her brother before looking back to the jacket, slowly lifting it.

Octavia let out a small gasp, tears swelling in her eyes. “Atom.”

Bellamy frowned, reaching over to touch her. “There was nothing I could do.”

“Don’t!” Octavia hissed, shoving his hand away before standing up.

“O, please let me explain-”

“I said don’t.”

With that, Octavia ran off towards the dropship.

Soon Murphy approached, earning a sigh from Bellamy. “Did you lose anyone here today?” He asked.

“No.”

“Jasper?” I asked.

Murphy glared at me. “Still breathing, barely.” He turned his attention back to Bellamy. “I tried to take him out but your psycho little sister-”

Bellamy quickly shoved Murphy before grabbing the collar of his shirt.

“Bellamy-”

“My what?” Bellamy asked before raising his voice even more. “My what?”

“Your little sister,” Murphy mumbled, shoving Bellamy off of him.

Bellamy nodded. “Yeah, that’s right. My little sister. Got anything else you want to say about her?”

Murphy stared at Bellamy for a moment before shaking his head. “Nothing, sorry.”

I watched as Bellamy looked Murphy up and down. Finally, he nodded his head towards Atom’s body. “Somebody get him out of here.”

With that, Bellamy stormed off towards his tent.

…

Later that evening I sat on the top level of the dropship where Jasper was resting. Finn took a swig of an old bottle of alcohol he had found before offering it to Monty. Monty refused, passing it to Octavia instead.

“Smooth.” He coughed.

Octavia took a sip, her face instantly crinkling. “Disgusting. I love it.”

She offered the bottle to me and I shook my head. “I’ve got guard duty later.”

“Can I, uh, get a hit of that?” A small voice spoke up.

We all looked over, Jasper’s head poking up slightly from the make-shift bed. He was smiling slightly, his eyes fixated on the bottle.

“Jasper!” Octavia cheered, rushing to his bedside.

Monty smiled, also rushing over. “Let’s start with the soft stuff.”

Finn and I joined the group. “Welcome back, buddy.”

“Was that a dream or did I get speared?”

“You’ll have a very impressive scar to prove it.” I turned my head, noticing Clarke had joined up. She was smiling, though I could tell she had been crying.

“My saviour.” Jasper smiled.

Clarke chuckled slightly. “Thank you for not dying. I don’t think I could’ve taken that today.”

“I’ll try not to die tomorrow too, if that’s cool.”

Clarke smiled, a newfound gleam in her eyes. “Sounds like a plan.”

~

next chapter

[guigz1-coldwar]

'The Final Countdown' : new chapter of "Fighting Spirit of a Once Innocent Girl" is out !

"The Final Countdown"

Chapter Summary : Samantha is ready for the final battle against the man who destroyed her life apart....and her friend she thought to have lost.....

To read it on AO3, click here !

Words : +4200

-------------------------------

It is it.....the Endgame ! After all we have done for the past few week, we finally found out exactly where Monty was hiding : away from the public, on the Solovetsky Islands in the north of the Soviet Union, his Omega ultimate and final base in the entire world. We all got the impression ad we all hoped too that it will be soon the end of everything for Monty, we are not going just to stop a simple terrorist who want to blow the Purplelight Arsenal and destroy Europe but we are trying to stop a elder god to take over the Universe....and the Multiverse !

We were the only persons who are able to stop him from achieving his goals and we couldn't do it alone with just me, Helen, Nikolai, Greta & Yirina. We needed help from Requiem and we all preferred to put our differences aside for just this final mission. We still have our grudge on them for everything they have done against us but their help could be crucial if we want to win that battle we are going to make against the Dark Aether.

Nikolai, I brought him in because I knew that he would be able to convince everyone about everything : he told them basically everything about Monty....about the Dark Aether....and about me. He told them the truth but there's parts he never mentioned to others like exactly who he was, claiming he was my 'protector' and nothing else and he didn't talk about the Multiverse because I could see in him that he was suspicious of Requiem in case they would like to know more about that if he told them about the Multiverse.

When he was finished about this, everyone had their minds blowed away from all of these and after that, a lot of calls were made from Hudson and Weaver respectively. They decided to bring the best firepower and the best mens for this crucial mission because now, everyone know that we can't afford at one little second to fail, it's the entire Multiverse that it's at stakes right now. After our little reunion with Greta & Yirina....and the death of Lazar, we didn't lose time at all and we were on our way to Solovetsky.

We took more than 2 days to approach Solovetsky by using an american aircraft carrier as Nikolai told us that it was impossible for him to transport everyone on the islant because Monty would have spotted us directly and we wouldn't have a simple chance to act. Our powers could still be used on the island but not before we're on it. More we were getting close to the island, more everyone were starting to get nervous about this but everyone kept their cool, trying to all think about a victory and never to a defeat.

During the travel in the helicopter that were bringing us to the rendez-vous point on the island, I was rethinking about everything that happened to me in just weeks : I was given back the powers I thought I have lost for a long time, I rekindled my relationship with Helen even if it was complicated at firs and I found back the only friends that are now standing with me at my side but everything wasn't really good at all : I realized that Requiem used me for an long time and lied to everyone, even Weaver were included in it.

But the worst......was to discover that Eddie.....was Perseus. The person I've been fighting for months is the friend I lost where I arrived in this new universe. He was controlled by Monty himself and I'm going to make sure that this will end soon. I'm going to save Eddie after all these years....and I'm going to kill Monty. I have made myself that promise and I will be sure to do it today.

"Approaching the LZ." The helicopter said loudly, breaking me from my thoughts and I looked outside, we were already arrived at destination. On the helicopter, there were me, Helen, Greta & Yirina awaiting that the helicopter landed until we were on the ground. We were the first to arrive at the scene, waiting now for the other team to go out.

"Finally." Greta exclaimed, getting out first from the helicopter "My legs weren't able to hold any longer." She stretched her legs outside as we are also getting out

"It was always a problem with you." Yirina got next to her, getting her hands on her shoulders as me & Helen stayed away, looking at them. "Now, how do you feel ?" Greta looked at Yirina with lovely eyes

"More happy.....with your hands on me." Greta in an surprise, got her arms around Yirina wraist, putting the two more closer than before.

"Always been flirting, Greta !" Yirina whispered before the two pull out to kiss each other....until they stopped to look at us, we weren't very discreet.

"What ?" Greta fainted an incomprehesion towards us

"Uhm...nothing." Helen replied, blushing from their sight as we decided to look away, focusing back to ourselves. "They're looking cute together." She added....well, not looking anymore but still focused on them apparently.

"Well, I never thought that of them first but yeah...." I started, giving a little look to them before getting my eyes back on Helen "You're right, they're cute."

"I think they're taking their time before the others arrive." Helen said, looking worried "So, this is it, right ?" She asked

"Yes, the endgame." I replied, surely

"We all sure that we can't afford to lose today." Helen told me, looking in the direction of the monastery

"Everything will end tonight for Monty and I really hope that we can save Eddie." I exclaimed, crossing my arms, leaning against the helicopter

"I was thinking : what will happen next ?" She raised an eyebrow at me.

"When everything will be done ?" She nodded "I don't know : sure to install ourselves in Nikolai's House with Greta & Yirina but after ? I don't know."

"Maybe we can finally have our night." She said in a lovely voice, causing me to smile.

"I'm sure we will." I laughed with her before we all start to hear some helicopters arriving on the scene, meaning that we had to put our thoughts on the side to focus back on the mission we are going to do.

Those who arrived were Adler, accompanied by his team and Requiem and by the looks on their faces, they weren't any moments and occasions to have a simple laugh at all and I could understand that. Everyone was so nervous and stressed but in them, I could see their determination and their bravery to come in here and to face a threat no one ever thought to face.

Once everyone were gathered up, Adler decided to repear everything from the plan....their plan : everyone will be tasked to deal with the AA Guns covering the monastery site to allow the bombers to release hell on the radars sector and to help them, they will use a EMP bomb to give everyone time to get the thing done as for us, we decided to take things in our own hands and it will be hard.

While everyone else will be fighting inside the monastery, me & the girls will strike the radar sector to deal with Monty himself as he was reported to be staying at this particular sector before the bombers took this place apart. It was just going to be the four of us against maybe an entire platoon of Omega soldiers that will stand between us and him but with our powers, we can make it worth it.

After that, we all got to our respectives trucks that was given to us thanks to Belikov and we were the first group to leave the scene as we needed to take another road from the others. Yirina was driving the truck as we were looking around us, all in our thoughts. Nikolai was communicating with us throught our minds as we didn't have any radios to talk with the others. It was just going to be us and Nikolai will help us throught the following battle.

"Everyone." We could start to hear Nikolai in our heads "Monty is staying at the radar site, he's awaiting for you to come."

"Anything to be worried about ?" I asked

"He has the Agarthan Device with him." He replied and I could hear him biting his lips "You will have to watch out when you will fight him."

"Do you know exactly what are we going to face in the base ?" Helen said, looking forwards to the road.

"Mainly the last Omega elite soldiers at first but since Monty is alone near the radar, be prepared for anything." We all looked in front of us as we were arriving near the radar sector of the monastery and Yirina stopped the truck on top of a hill, overlooking the monastery.

"Thanks....dad." Yirina whispered in a very low voice before she sniffed away. I was surprised to hear that because I didn't witness Nikolai telling her who he was. I crouched to get next to Yirina.

"You're okay, Yirina ?" I asked, seeing her getting kind of sad

"He told me everything." She said, in the same previous voice "He was the father I were never able to had and like that, he's back."

"I know, I couldn't believe it either too." I exclaimed to her with an smile, trying to give some recomfort before I could feel an hand on my shoulder, I looked up to see Helen, looking away.

"They are starting their attack !" She said and when I got up to verify her claims, I could see a lot of military trucks getting down an hill at full speed from afar, meaning the beginning of our last mission.

I let Yirina drive off at full speed too, letting us hold ourselves on the truck as she wasn't going easy with the speed. Then, a big white light exploded above the monastery....the Requiem EMP bomb. Everything electronics on the base were not going to work for an while and we will have approximatively more than 15 minutes to get the job done but me....I know that we will need more time to fight Monty. Anyway, fighting him could make him busy to not launch the Purplelight detonation order.

When the EMP bomb exploded, a loud noise could be heard, making some sort of ringing bells in our ears and then, the blast of the EMP was getting felt as it hit our truck. Yirina almost lost control of the truck because of that but she managed to kept her hands on the wheel and to stabilize the truck as we were going down the hill at full speed. At a least 300 meters from the radar sector entrance, I prepared my Ray Gin and at 100 meters, the first bullet arrived on our truck as we started to blast with our guns too.

With my Ray Gun, I was able to destroy one of the BTR keeping the entrance with 3 hits....that gun is very powerful.....before Yirina used the truck to literally force the big door open, allowing us to enter a yard composed of a lot of Omega materials.....and a lot of Omega soldiers, awaiting for us. Yirina got the truck stop in the middle of the fight, giving us some time to get into cover before she got out too and let a surprise on the truck. Once she did it while we cover her, we were surprised to see the truck drive by itself, directly towards an guard tower and then blow up, getting the tower down.

After the explosion that confused the enemy soldiers, we decided to split up : me & Helen were going directly to the radar control room inside the main building of the radar sector as Yirina & Greta will take care of the numerous enemy soldier, covering us each time we moved cover to cover. Our powers combined allowed them to neutralize easily a large part of the Omega soldiers, we even succeeded to lift a heavy tank off the ground to launch into another heavy tank and to the soldiers guarding it.

When the sounds of the fight were getting lowered, we parted away, focused on getting to the radar control room while they were keeping our backs in case. When we entered the building, we were surprised to see the electricity coming back.....Monty has really planned everything....a back-up generator hidden somewhere but we took the decision to continue instead of trying to find that generator.

After a minute and when we were starting to get close from the radar control room, clearing our way to it, we started to hear some gunshots inside of it and it was strange for us. We forced open the door to realize what was going on.....Ravenov ?......Ravenov was here !.......When we entered the room, he was fighting with two Omega soldiers and he took care of one of them with his gun before the other were smashed brutally on a table by him.

"Requiem !" He exclaimed, having seeing us for a second before looking at us for good. "Maxis ?"

"Ravenov !" I said, surprised "What are you doing here ?"

"Just doing my job : avoiding Omega to use Purplelight." He looked at the soldier he smashed on the table before throwing it on the ground "I thought that Requiem had locked you up."

"Exactly but I got freed." I rolled my eyes "It was better for them." I added as he was getting next to a control panel.

"Ravenov, where's Monty ?" Helen asked, staying next to the door in case

"That svoloch'.....been waiting at the radar's foots." He replied, getting focused on looking on the multiple screens in front of him "He's been watching the fight going inside the monastery before he will launch the detonation order but not with me, messing with the radars." He looked at us "Go face him, I will make sure the radar are not used."

"I think it's better that you got out of here safe, Requiem bombers will soon put this place down." I exclaimed as I tried to get next to him but he put his arm towards me, meaning to stay away from him

"I can't !" He almost yelled at me. "I'm sorry, Maxis but....I don't think I can make it."

"Why are you saying this ?" Helen said, worried

"He....he infected today with some Aetherium, like he did to everyone." He replied, his voice cracking "I've been trying to find a way to control it but nothing. I will soon become one of these monsters but I will not let this happen."

"You can't be serious ?" I told him before he remove one of his coat sleeve, making me see a part of his veins going black and sort of purple "No...." I whispered "We can save you."

"It's impossible, can't be undone." He put his coat sleeve back on as he was getting focused on making the radars go crazy. "Go, kill him. I'm doing this for you....for the Motherland.....it's is...the only way." I realized that nothing can save him, not even our powers and I had no choice but to leave him like that here.

"Good luck, Ravenov." I said, my voice cracking before I left the room with Helen

Damn it....not him. Ravenov was a good guy....a good russian and I wasn't able to save him from Monty....like I wasn't able to save Lazar. The worst of it is when I closed the door of the room and walked a few steps that me & Helen heard a shot inside the room. I closed my eyes, not to think about it but I was getting more angrier about everything right now. I'm losing friends, one by one and now, I'm fearing for Helen....for Greta....for Yirina.

Keep control, Samantha....keep control....I started to think as we were finding a way to get out of the building and to join the radar's foots, clearing our way from every of our enemies that was on it. And to say, I wasn't getting easy on them and Helen started to share the same anger as me like me, using our upgraded guns and our powers combined. That was at this moment we realized that the little device Nikolai gave to us worked indeed.

When we found our way out, I took a deep breath, knowing that we were going to face Monty himself after all these times in person. I opened the door, followed by Helen, walking slowly towards the radar's foots until we got him in sight....sitting and watching the carnage happening inside the monastery. When we were getting closer, he turned his head slowly towards us,

"Samantha." He said, sounding sort of happy "I knew you will come." He then got up before he removed his mask, allowing us to see his face

"Eddie." I whispered and he laughed

"His body, not his soul !" He exclaimed, spreading his arms to look around

"Give him back to me." I ordered him, he shook his idea.

"Aw, Samantha, you should stop been persistent." He rolled his eyes in the dark skies "You will not have him and if I had to give him back to you, he will be dead."

"Give him back..." I repeated, getting my anger growing inside of me

"Don't you understand ?" He started "I'm a freakin' god ! I'm the master of this world, to this whole fucking multiverse."

"You're just an idiot." I added in anger "You're just trying to do something that you can't longer control." I smiled nervously to his face "They stopped you for a while....I will finish the job !"

"Them ? You ? You will do nothing, Samantha." He replied "You can't do a thing : you can't protect your friends, you have lost everything to stand for." I then see Helen clenching her fists in anger, she had heard enough.

"You took.....everything from her !" She exclaimed, her eyes going fully purple

"I don't even know who you are !" He said, looking at her before I got my eyes purple too, angry and then, I started to levitate off the ground,

"You will !" I said and then, the final showdown was about to begin.

When I levitate off the ground with Helen at my side, we were able to grab heavy objects around us, levitating too before we throw them to Monty who started to run at us but these objects were doing nothing to him at all, not even stopping him to run towards us. At this moment, I got back on the ground to face him, taking the Path of Sorrows in my hands as Helen tried to do the same by firying bullets at him with no effects before Monty was able to put his hands on her and threw her away against a radar foot and hopefully, her powers were stronger, allowing her to have nothing from it.

I started to give him some cuts with the katana but I then realized that these cuts were like healing instantly. I tried to give him multiple cuts at the same time while avoiding his powerfuls punchs but each time, his wounds were like healing in a second. I tried to grab the Agarthan Device that was hooked to his belt but unfortunately, I took my guard down for a second, allowing him to throw me as well far away on the ground, losing the Path of Sorrows in the process.

With my powers, I started to make the katan fly to get back in my hands but when I was about to catch it....Monty got it first, grabbing it in his own hands before trying to attack me with it. I put my hands on the blade to stop him but he was gaining the advantage and I could only scream in pain as the blade were hurting my hands even if I had gloves until the end of the blade start to hit my shoulder but before he was able to do that, the Katana somehow started to tremble in his hands before it hit him in the face and fly away.....to land perfectly in Helen's hands standing up.

When I saw that, I was amazed because I thought that I was the only one to use the Path of Sorrows and when I see running against Monty with it in hands, I realized that she was able to use it too and her strikes and swings were damn perfect. However, no time to think about that as I got up rapidly to help her to fight out him but even with us two, Monty were able to stay strong until I succeeded to get my hands on the Agarthan Device and once I've got it in hands, Helen give Monty a big cut on the legs and surprisely, it wasn't healing anymore.

Then, I realized that this Device....was the source of his powers. If we destroyed it, we can kill him.....but we are going to kill Eddie too. Before I could do a thing, Monty gained the advantage and threw me and Helen, having his hand back on the Device before he start to levitate by himself and....the radars were getting moved by themselves.....he was the one doing it, nullifying Ravenov's work to stop the radars, he was creating an big purple orb above him with the Device....ready to launch Purplelight.

It was going to be the end of it and our fight was getting useless.....until the orb was destroyed by something from afar behind us and him, we looked out to realized that Greta and Yirina was there and was the one to have destroyed it. However, it did something to Monty as he got back on the ground, holding his head with his hands, in pain.

"Let me free !" That.....Eddie ? It was Eddie's voice talking, not Monty's one

"No !" It was Monty's voice. Shit, the two were fighting for Eddie's body keys, both were trying to take control. "You're my key to my future !" He added, shouting.

"You controlled me for years !" Eddie exclaimed "You corrupted me, you did make me fight Samantha."

"She's weak and you're strong !" Monty yelled "Let me fight, let me win."

"Not anymore." Eddie fell on his knees on the ground holding the Agarthan Device in hands, putting it on the ground before looking at me. "I'm sorry, Samantha, this....is the only way !"

"NOOOOO !" I screamed, trying to move to get to him at the same time as Monty before with his hands, Eddie crushed down the Device, causing an white light to blind everyone around it.

When I opened my eyes after been blinded by that light, I was laying down on the ground and the silence was taking over the place, no more sounds of fightings, no more gunshots.....a death silence....getting heard everywhere. When I looked up, Helen, Yirina and Greta were also grounded and slowly recovering and then, we saw.....Monty.....Monty standing up.....the Monty who killed my father.....the Monty in his true form, looking lost as he was having his eyes on the monastery before sitting on the ground.

"You won." He said in fear as I was slowly getting up "You did it, for the sake of this stupid world." He looked at me, not trying a thing anymore "However, the Dark Aether....is still living....and it will always be there."

"We will make sure that this threat will be no more." I exclaimed to him, mixed between calm and anger "How does it feels to....lost something ?"

"I don't know." He replied "How about you ?" He tried to smile with his hideous mouth before parts of his body started to disappear in dust. "Goodbye."

"Go to hell !" I said before he was finally gone out of my sight and then, I started to hear some groans behind me...Eddie....in pain, part of his face burned along with a part of his body, leaned against a broken radar's foot on the ground "Eddie !"

"Sama-Samanth-Samantha." He tried to speak with difficulty "You....you didn't changed a lot."

"It's gonna be okay, Eddie." I smiled, trying to recomfort him

"No, I don't think I can." He replied with a low voice

"Eddie, please, not after what I have done to found you." I pleaded, getting my hands on the part of his face that wasn't burned "I can heal you."

"No." He then looked behind me "Isn't that right, Nik....Nikolai ?" I then looked behind me and was surprised to see Nikolai standing up, with Helen, Yirina and Greta at his side, looking sad

"I'm sorry, Samantha." Nikolai breathed "We can't help him and what he did is irreversible."

"What I did....was only to secure a better tomorrow." Eddie said in a low voice, his hands getting on my shoulders "I'm proud of you."

"Eddie...." I whispered

"Only....for a better tomorrow." He smiled before looking away from me and then.....he was no more.

His lact act was to smile, feeling free as me, I could only cry in pain.....I couldn't save him. I was crying and I don't know if I can move on with it. I dedicated my life to found him again and that's what I did but I would never be able to catch the lost time with him. I could feel Helen's hands on me and she was crying too, like if she has lost someone too. We all lost someone...and losing Eddie was....so hard for me. Then, we could start to hear upcoming noises in the skies : Requiem bombers coming to bomb the radars. Nikolai moved to open a portal and once he was done, he looked at us as I grabbed Eddie's body in my arms,

"Let's go home !"

[13-reasons-ideas]

The Reveal

A/N: I finally finished the excerpt I posted a while ago. I hope you guys like it. Let me know if you want another part or not. Much love! 

“I think they’re going to drag me to Bryce’s party tonight. So maybe try and win this time?”

“Oh but babe, the consolation sex is so good though.” my boyfriend whined.

“Yes, but the congratulatory sex is better. Especially when I do that twisting thing you like.”

I heard a groan on the other end of the line, “You are such a little tease. It’s 7:45. Class starts in fifteen minutes. You can’t say shit like that and expect me to be able to focus.”

“Think of it as motivation.” I replied. I saw my friends coming towards me, “that sounds great mom. Have a good trip. See you next week. I have to run to class now, bye.”

“Bye sweetie.” He said, cheekily.

“Hey Carly. Going to Bryce’s party after the game tonight?” Alex asked.

“Depends, do I have a choice?”

“Hmmm. Nope.” Jess replied, slinging her arm around my shoulders. “How’s your mom?”

“She’s good. Just finishing packing for her flight today.”

“That’s good. So, what are you going to wear?”

Alex groaned and rolled his eyes, “I assume she’s going to wear clothes.”

“I was thinking the red top I got when we went shopping the other week and a pair of jeans.”

“Bo-oring. Carls, you’re not going to pick up any guys wearing jeans and a t-shirt. We need to make you look hot.”

“Jess, that’s sweet but I’m really not interested in meeting anyone right now.”

“I’m coming over after school and we are finding you something cute to wear.” She said as we passed the football team, milling around Justin’s locker.

“Make her wear a mini skirt.” Montgomery said as we walked past him.

“Yeah. Maybe when you win a game, that’ll happen. For now you can save that for your dreams Montgomery.” I challenged.

“You can bet I will.”

“Ugh.” I scoffed and flipped him off as we walked away.

“You know you want to.” He called after me. When we were out of ear shot Alex made a gagging motion towards his mouth.

“As though you would fuck him. He’s probably an ass and leaves as soon as he gets off.”

“Mhmm.” I replied. “Maybe if he wasn’t such an ass I would consider it.” My friends looked at me like I had three heads. “What? My eyes work. He’s hot, you can’t deny that.”

Jess shrugged in agreement and Alex shuddered.

*

Jess was true to her word, Jess came home with me after the game and made me try on almost every item of clothing I own. If I liked something, she said no. If she liked something, I said no. Just for fun I tried on a mini skirt, since they pulled off an amazing win. “No, you can’t wear that. Monty will think he won something.” “I was just kidding. I wouldn’t wear this, don’t worry. What about these black shorts? They’re cute.” And it’s close enough to a mini skirt that I don’t think he will complain.

“With the cream tank top you have?”

“Sure.”

After I changed and we had a small dinner, we headed out to Bryce’s. The party was in full swing when we arrived and Alex and Justin found us. They immediately stuck red solo cups in our hands. I took a small, careful sip, having learned my lesson with Justin mixing my drinks. The boy liked to fudge his pour counts. We were all quickly swept into the action of the party. I kept my eyes peeled for a certain smart ass player but didn’t put too much effort into finding him. He would come over to my place afterwards anyway. As I passed various team members, I gave them congratulations but managed to avoid being stuck in conversations for too long. I passed Scott and nodded to him. Maybe he will come save me from my friends.

All night, my friends had been trying to set me up with various people at this party. “But Carly, you’ll like him. He’s great.” Or “You’re lonely. We need to get you a man.” Were regular comments. I took a moment to myself and looked around the room. People were dancing and sitting on couches chatting to each other. Drunk kids were running amuck trying to play whatever game was in at the time.

I only had a few minutes alone before Jess found me. “She’s over here guys!” she called, grasping my arm to hinder my escape. Our friends quickly arrived and started up with their efforts again.

“Carly. You need to find someone. You’re all… mopey and stuff.” Alex explained. I am not mopey. Just because I’m not in a public relationship that doesn’t make me mopey. My friends all murmured in agreement. My patience was running thin. I looked around, discretely trying to find my target. My friend’s voices began to melt away as I focused on finding him. I finally spotted him across the room laughing at something Mike said. He looked so carefree. I smiled to myself before sighing to my friends.

“Guys. It’s fine.” I tried to get them to stop to no avail, they just talked over me. “Fuck this.” I muttered under my breath. I cleared my throat and straightened my back, before knocking the rest of my drink back. Looking at my target again, I threw my shoulders back and strode across the house towards him. My friend’s gazes following me, confused. “Monty.” I called once I was close enough for him to hear over the background noise. He looked up from Mike’s phone and raised his brow at me. I felt my stomach flutter and my resolve grow bolder upon reaching him. I grabbed the front of his shirt with both hands and pulled him down towards me before planting an intense kiss to his lips. He froze for a second, caught off guard, before placing his hands on my hips and pulling me closer to his body. I pulled away first and after a beat of looking into each other’s eyes, we both realized just how quiet the room had become. I held my breath for a second until we heard Scott holler from the other side of the kitchen.

“About damn time.”

I blushed and hid my head in Monty’s chest, and muttered “Am I invisible yet?”

He laughed in lieu of a response. “Nope. No, people can still see you.”

“Are they still staring?”

“Yeah. Yeah, they are. Oh, and look. Your friends are coming over here like they’re going to rip my dick off.”

I shook my head against his chest. There is no way I’m turning around. No freaking way.

“Please tell me this is some kind of sick joke.” Clay said, when he reached us. Monty merely coughed and I felt him shrug. I shook my head, still hiding in Montgomery’s chest.

“I am way too sober for this.” Jess muttered.

“Not in a relationship my ass.” Alex said, disdain clear in his voice.

“Ah, but kissing does not always equal relationship.” Justin countered. No one else had spoken. Why did I do this? Someone coughed and seemed to break people out of their shock. Suddenly all around us, people began resuming their previous activities, assuming that there wouldn’t be any kind of fights right now. I gathered some shred of courage and turned to my friends. Monty left his hand on my hip, though probably lower than would be considered publicly decent.

“I told you guys to lay off.” I told them, timidly. Monty rubbing that spot on my hip wasn’t helping my focus or courage. I placed my hand on top of his to get him to stop. Scott must have grown tired of watching me struggle like a fish out of water so he came over to help. Before he could say anything, Monty cut in.

“Give her a break. Before you came over here on your little inquisition, did you stop to think that maybe she kept it from you for a reason?”

“Were we talking to you?” Alex asked.

“No, but you look like you want to kill me. So I should be able to defend myself, right?”

“Fine. What do you want to say?”

“Leave her alone.”

“And?”

“That’s it. Leave her alone about this.”

“Who died and made you the boss of her?”

“No one. And he’s right. At least right now. I’m not fighting with you about this here. If you want, we can go to my place and we can all yell at each other there. My mom is on her annual trip to Arizona.”

“Fine. Let’s go.” Alex said, haughtily.

[naireides]

Bellarke + forehead kisses sfw pls

it’s been 10 months and i’m sorry so pls enjoy this 5k fluff fest as i grovel for forgiveness.

5 times bellamy kisses clarke’s forehead + 1 time he doesn’t

read on ao3

(i) 

Earth, he’s beginning to realise, is a bitch of a planet.

Everything on it tries to kill them. Sure, they were taught that the earth is a sometimes dangerous place back in Earth Skills on the Ark, but there’s a difference between reading about unfavourable weather conditions and getting nailed in the head by a golf ball sized piece of hail. Or trying to avoid being eaten by animals. And plants. Because apparently even the goddamn plants have evolved to crave the taste of human flesh on this hellscape. Bellamy hates it. All of it.

“I think if we ration our tubers and limit meat to twice a week, we should be able to make it through the winter,” Clarke says, nibbling absentmindedly on a hangnail as she looks over their inventory list. “Assuming winter is fourteen weeks at most.”

“I wouldn’t want to assume anything if I were you,” Bellamy says darkly, thinking off all the ways the earth could once again screw them over.

They’re in his tent, looking over supply numbers as they try to hash out just what they might need to stay alive for this winter, their very first one on earth. They’ve been at it for hours, the sun long having set, and they’re forced to work by candlelight. Bellamy finds himself squinting at Clarke’s carefully made lists and calculations.

She sighs, rubbing at her neck. “I hate all of this uncertainty. All of our books on climate and weather patterns are from over a hundred years ago, and that’s before a nuclear armageddon happened.”

Clarke looks defeated for the first time since they’ve started all this and Bellamy, despite himself, feels sorry for her. They’re not friends, not really, but they are co leaders and he depends on her like no other. So to see her like this, head hung long and purple bruises under her eyes from lack of sleep, worries him.

She’s worn herself thin trying to take care of all their people, him too, but Bellamy is a bit more adept at hiding it than she is. Sure, he’s exhausted and anyone who cares to study his face for two seconds might see a hint of it shining through, but Clarke looks like someone has wrung her dry.

“How many hunting trips do you have scheduled between now and when you think we should close the gates?” he asks.

“three a week. Why?”

“If we bump it up to every other day we should be able to collect some more meat. Maybe start laying some more traps a bit further out,” he tells her, looking over their weathered map that’s spread across his table. “Also maybe go back to the bunk and check out its surroundings when we’re not high.”

She worries her lip, glancing back down at their notes. “Maybe. But then we’d have to rework the hunting groups so no one gets too burnt out.”

“I think they’ll be fine upping from once a week to twice a week, princess,” he says and she rolls her eyes at him.

“I’m just saying. If they’re tired, they’ll make more mistakes. And if they make more mistakes then that’s more work for me.”

“A little work won’t kill you, princess,” he teases and she kicks him, biting back a smile.

“You’re such a dick,” she says, but there’s no heat behind it and it’s quickly followed by a yawn that she tries and fails to muffle.

“Go get some rest Clarke,” he says, pressing his shoulder into hers. “I can handle remaking the groups by myself. You look like you’re about to keel over.”

“No, no, I’m fine,” she promises, even after she tries to smother another yawn. “I don’t want to leave you to do all the work on your own.”

Bellamy just rolls his eyes and let’s her stay because he’s long learnt that Clarke Griffin is stubborn. Sometimes he has to pick his battles and fighting with her about going to bed when they’re both tired is a battle he’d gladly let her win.

Of course, he’s ultimately proven right when, just half an hour later, she’s asleep, head pillowed on her bicep and mouth open a little bit as she snores softly.

It doesn’t take long to redo the groups and he was looking forward to collapsing in bed when all of this was over, but now he has Clarke to deal with. He could wake her up and send her off to her own tent, but he saw the bags under her eyes, he knows just how tired she is and he can’t find it in himself to wake her up, not when she’s looking all peaceful like that.

So instead Bellamy sighs and scoops her up in his arms and deposits her in his own bed because despite everything, he’s a good guy and chivalry’s not dead, not yet anyway.

It’s a testament to how exhausted she is that she doesn’t even grumble when he lifts her up. He pulls off her shoes and hesitates for a second before taking off her outer jacket, and then tucks her into his bed, brushing a quick kiss against her forehead as he goes.

He doesn’t realise what he did until he’s turned away, halfway through with getting undressed himself, when he freezes.

Back on the Ark, Octavia used to have a habit of falling asleep everywhere and Bellamy would be the one to pick her up and tuck her into his bed, always pressing a kiss to the centre of her forehead in goodnight. It was just a habit.

He glances over his shoulder at Clarke, who was still fast asleep and it makes him relax, just a little.

It’s late and he’s tired and he chalks it up to muscle memory. It doesn’t mean anything.

He keeps telling himself this as he settles on the hard packed dirt floor with nothing but a single blanket while Clarke hogs the bed up top.

It doesn’t mean anything.

-

(ii) 

The day that the last of the snow thaws, they decide to have a party.

Or rather, it’s Monty and Jasper’s idea to have a party. He doesn’t know how, but they managed to brew an entirely new vat of moonshine during the winter and they were more than excited to introduce it to the crowds tonight. The prospect of new booze alone was enough to get almost the entire camp to agree with them and Bellamy and Clarke found themselves outnumbered.

“It’s a goddamn mutiny,” he grumbles as he watches them set up, hacking at firewood and making several trips to the river to get enough drinking water. There was even talk of a foraging group heading out to find whatever nuts and berries they could scrounge up and Clarke put a stop to that quickly, reminding them that all groups to leave the camp walls had to be approved by either her or Bellamy.

“I don’t know, maybe it might be fun,” she says, standing next to him at the door to the Dropship. “Everyone’s been cooped up indoors for months on end, this could be a little community boosting morale.”

He sniffs, not quite agreeing with her. “I hope you remember that when you have to deal with those drunk bastards injuring themselves later tonight.”

Of course, it would be just his luck that a few hours after saying that, he turns out to be one of those drunk bastards himself.

Bellamy’s not really a huge drinker.

He’d had a drink ever so often of course, because really, sometimes in order to survive this bitch of an earth you need a fucking drink, but he’s always considered himself a social drinker. Most of the time he’s sat with Clarke, nursing a cup of moonshine as they work out schedules or just talk about their days while she cleans the medbay or he checks all the guns. He’d even consider them to be friends now because of that if he was being honest.

Still, whether it was him and Clarke, or just shooting the shit with the boys around the fire, Bellamy usually limits himself to one, maybe two cups of Monty’s special brew and makes sure that he doesn’t have anything more than a slight buzz.

Today of course is another story.

He blames Monty’s moonshine for this.

The winter batch had tasted good. Too good. It was leagues better than all of the previous batches, smoother, and tasted vaguely like berries, and Bellamy found himself playing goddamn drinking games with the thing. Before he knew it he was at least five cups in and when he went to grab his knife to cut something in two, it slipped out of his grasp and he caught it by wrapping his fist around the blade, realising belatedly that that probably wasn’t the best idea.

“I cannot believe you sliced your palm open with your hunting knife,” Clarke huffs, bending over his palm to clean it.

“‘S an accident,” he mumbles, glaring at a spot on the wall, trying not to wince as she douses it with antiseptic.

“You’re ridiculous.”

“How come you’re not out there? Having fun?” he asks, squinting at her. All the alcohol is making his brain weird and his eyes go crisscross, the harsh fluorescent lighting of the dropship suddenly surrounding her like a halo.

Not a princess, his drunk addled brain thinks as he looks at her, an angel.

Bellamy’s too caught up with his thoughts that he realises that she’s remaining remarkably quiet as tends to his wound.

“Clarke?” he prompts, and she jumps, a flush appearing high on her cheeks.

“Oh! Uh, sorry, I zoned out for a sec there,” she says, not meeting his eye. “I don’t know… I guess I just wasn’t feeling up to it.”

Bellamy might be drunk, but he still knows how to spot a lie.

“Really.”

“Mhmm.”

“You sure you don’t wanna try that again? Make it a little more believable this time?”

Clarke sighs, grabbing the bandages from a nearby shelf. “Look, Bellamy, I don’t want to talk about it, okay?”

He’s not sure he wants to drop it, not when something is very clearly bothering her, but then she looks up at him with those large pleading eyes and all his resolve just crumbles away, and he finds himself bending to her will.

“Fine,” he sighs, holding his palm steady so she could wrap the bandages around it. “But you know that you can talk to me, right? About anything?”

It gets a small smile out of her. “Yeah, Bell, I know,” she says, tying off the end. “There. Good to go.”

He jumps off the stool, landing toe to toe with her, wobbling a bit as he goes. He doesn’t pay attention to the way her breath catches when he suddenly invades her space, too busy frowning at the way his limbs don’t seem to want to cooperate.

When his arms finally start back listening to him, Bellamy cups the back of her head and drops a sloppy kiss to her forehead.

“Thanks, princess,” he says when he pulls back, leaving her shell shocked and standing in the middle of the med bay.

By the time his brain realises what has just happened, he’s already halfway across the campground, almost near to the large bonfire that they have going. He glances back in the direction of the dropship and he sees her standing at the entrance, looking out at the crowd, and if Bellamy squints, he could just make out the pretty blush that stains her cheeks, the one that’s not caused by the cold.

-

(iii) 

Two years on the ground and death never gets easier.

He gets the news from Monty who hears it from Harper and he drops everything to go over to Clarke’s tent and check up on her.

It’s dark inside and he almost misses her, nothing but a shapeless lump underneath all the blankets, but then she sniffles and his heartbreaks.

“Hey princess,” he says sadly as he toes off his boots, crawling into bed with her. Clarke rolls into him almost immediately, a choked sob escaping past her lips as she buries her face in the crook of his neck and he drops a kiss on her temple. “I had what happened with Jack and Elise. Fuck, I’m so sorry.”

Jack and Elise weren’t the first couple to get pregnant on the ground, but they were the first complicated pregnancy that Clarke had to deal with, everything from preeclampsia to placental abruption.

“I couldn’t do anything,” she sniffs, curling closer to him. “The baby… she was too early. Her lungs weren’t fully developed and she couldn’t breath and I–”

Bellamy just holds her as she starts to cry again, his face pressed to the crown of her head as he whispered unheard platitudes.

It’s times like this he feels so helpless with Clarke, because nothing that he could say or do would reverse the trauma she had to go through. And it hurts that all he’s able to do for her is this, just holding her while she breaks down, but he wouldn’t be anywhere else.

“Jack begged me to keep going,” she says after some time, when she calms down a little. “He told me to keep going but there wasn’t anything that I could do. I don’t know how I’m going to be able to look at them after this.”

“Clarke,” he murmurs, wiping away the tears from her cheeks. “It’s not your fault. You can’t save everyone.”

“I know,” she sighs, his t-shirt clutched in her clenched fist. “It just– It sucks you know? To be useless like that.”

“You’re not useless.”

“I feel useless.”

“Clarke Griffin, you are one of the bravest, smartest, most compassionate people I know,” he tells her. “You helped me run a camp full of teenagers, hell, you still help me try and build us a fucking society out of nothing except some sticks and mud. You run a medbay despite having almost no formal training and yet almost all of us are still alive.”

She sniffs again and he looks her directly in the eye as he says, “You’re an amazing woman, Clarke Griffin, and don’t you forget it.”

Even in the dark he can see the way her skin pinks at the compliment and she drops her gaze even as she cuddles closer to him.

“Thank you,” she whispers.

“Anytime.”

The hand curled around his t-shirt on his chest tightens a little and she says, “Will you stay with me?”

He drops a quick kiss to her forehead. “For as long as you want me.”

-

(iv) 

Bellamy’s not sure when the forehead kisses become a normal thing between them, but he’s not questioning it.

It’s comforting he thinks, to have someone like that in your life.Bellamy kisses her forehead when she does things like bring him lunch to share in the guard quarters or get him a new book whenever they find a new bunker.

She’s started kissing his cheek too, whenever she feels like it. When he comes back from a two day long hunting trip, when he finds those daisies she likes growing by the river bank so he brings her back a cluster, when it’s late and they’re working on the layout of their little community.

The third winter they spend on the ground brings a snowstorm, damaging some tents, including Clarke’s, so she moves in with Bellamy.

It’s only logical really.

They spend most of their free time together anyway, and Clarke doesn’t even ask, just brings a box of her stuff over to his tent and tells him that she’s staying here now.

They’ve always taken care of each other but now, living together like this, it takes on a new layer of intimacy.

They share his bed so he makes sure that there are hot stones underneath it at night to keep them warm. Clarke does his laundry with hers and makes sure to always bring back a clean bucket of river water for them to sponge off with. He darns all the holes in her socks and she makes sure to bring his dinner to the tent if he has a late shift.

Bellamy gets to wake up with Clarke in the morning and go to bed with her at night. She gets to see his body, to catalogue all of his scars– most of which she stitched up– and he’s the one she gives her first ever tattoo to when they’re both a little drunk and giggly one night.

He presses a kiss to her forehead every morning before she leaves and if he’s there when she comes home, she greets him with a peck on the cheek.

Bellamy doesn’t really know when he fell in love with Clarke Griffin. It wasn’t immediate or some sort of life changing experience, instead it was a gentle and slow descent over early morning tea and late night disputes over scheduling. It was the slow building of a puzzle, pieces falling into place at their own speed and when it was done, it left a masterpiece behind.

He doesn’t know when it happened, but he knows that it was when they started living together that he realised. That the sudden surge of warmth and affection in his chest whenever he saw her was because of that.

Clarke loves him too, he thinks. He can tell she does by the way she traces his freckles in the mornings, outlining a new picture everyday. She loves him when she steals extra strawberries from the kitchens because she knows those are his favourite fruit. She loves him when she packs his hunting bag, slipping in an extra packet of rations and a first aid kit because he always forgets to look out for himself.

He loves Clarke and Clarke loves him, and even though they haven’t said it, actions speak louder than words, and they’re more than content to keep living just like that.

And then, one morning when he leans in to give her her customary forehead kiss for the day, she lifts her head at the exact same time and he ends up kissing her on the mouth.

It’s brief and chaste and dry, and they both freeze when they realise what’s happened, but Bellamy isn’t scared and neither is Clarke.

Instead, she smiles at him, big and toothy, and loops an arm around his neck to kiss him properly and Bellamy lets her, one hand cupping her jaw and the other on her waist.

He lets her kiss him and lets himself kiss back because, after years of fighting on the ground, all the pain and sorrow and hurt that came with it, they’ve earned this one right to be selfish, to do something that makes them happy without worrying about anyone else.

And Clarke Griffin makes him pretty damn happy.

-

(v) 

Clarke has been acting weird lately.

Bellamy doesn’t notice it right away, but it steadily creeps up on him, the way she seems so tired lately, not eating much and shying away from his touch.

They’ve been together for just over a year now and he was building them a cabin, finally. They were still one of the few who were living in tents which, honestly he didn’t mind. At first other things needed building, like a proper medbay and kitchen area, and as a group of kids who weren’t skilled in construction, it took them almost a year to get that done. Once they figured it out they started building cabins and little cottages, each one taking somewhere between a month to two months to complete, depending on the weather and the availability of resources.

Bellamy’s never really been in a rush to get a cabin. In his mind there were other people who deserved it more, like those with kids and babies. But, after being on the ground for about four years now and most of their population settled quietly, he figures it’s time to build his own.

Clarke was ecstatic of course, drawing out several blueprints and floor plans for him to follow and he couldn’t help but laugh at her enthusiasm to help build a place to call their own.

Now though she seems more like a ghost than anything else, offering up no comments or suggestions about where to put the windows and how big she wants the kitchen.

“You okay?” Bellamy asks one day while he’s working on the roof. She’s supposed to be passing him nails but more than once already he’s had to call her name several times just to get her attention. “You seem off.”

“Huh? Oh no, I’m fine,” she waves him off with a careful smile. “Just feeling a little bit under the weather. Probably something I ate.”

Bellamy bites his tongue to keep from reminding her that they share almost all their meals together and if something affected her, it would have probably affected him too.

But he lets her keep her secrets, knowing the more he pushed, the more she would clam up, leading to an argument between them.

So instead he just shrugs and says, “Hand me that pair of pliers,” dropping the subject.

Of course, he ends up picking it back up again merely a week later when he shows up for lunch at the medbay and Harper tells him that Clarke was sent home early because she threw up.

“Clarke what the fuck,” he announces as he stomps into their tent just five minutes later.

She’s sitting cross legged on their bed eating some fruit and she winces when he comes in.

“Hey Bellamy,” she sighs, sounding resigned.

“What happened? Are you okay?”

“I’m fine, I must have just eaten–”

“Bullshit,” he snaps, cutting her off.

She lifts an eyebrow. “Excuse me?”

“I said that’s bullshit.” He crosses his arms over his chest and glares at her. To anyone else he would look intimidating but Clarke just rolls her eyes at his antics. “You and I eat the same thing all the time and I’m fine so you can cut the crap about ‘oh I probably ate something.’ You’ve been like this for weeks.”

“Look it’s nothing okay, I’m dealing with it.”

“Are you saying there’s something to deal with?” he asks, leveling her with a hard glare. “Are you sick, princess?”

“No, I’m not sick,” she says in a small voice struggling to meet his eye and he takes a few steps forward, putting his hand on her shoulder.

“Then what’s going on, babe? Something’s clearly wrong and I wish you’d just talk to me about it,” he says softly, rubbing little circles into the tight muscles he finds there. “You know you can tell me anything.”

Clarke leans into his touch, shuddering a little as she takes a deep breath.

“I haven’t gotten my period in two months,” she blurts out, “At first I didn’t really take it on because my cycles never really been regular on the ground, but then I started feeling really tired all the time and nauseous no matter what I ate and my boobs hurt and I– I think I might be pregnant?”

She phrases it as a question, biting down on her lip as she looks up at him and well, Bellamy–

“Pregnant?” he says, voice coming out all choked up.

“I haven’t done a test as yet but. Probably?” 

He collapses onto the bed next to her and scrubs a hand down his face. All of this doesn’t feel entirely real to him, it can’t be real, he can’t be so lucky to fall in love with someone as perfect as Clarke Griffin, to start a family with her. It all just feels like a dream that he’s going to wake up from at any given moment.

Of course, all of that comes to a grinding halt when he realises that this is his dream, and Clarke has been remarkably quiet since she told him all of this.

He swallows.

“Do you, um, do you want to keep the baby?” he asks, looking over at her.

Her brow furrows. “Do you want me to keep the baby?”

“Doesn’t matter what I want, princess,” he says with a rueful smile, “You’re the one who’ll have to grow a whole new human and give birth to it in nine months.”

She’s quiet for a good while.

Bellamy tries to keep his face completely blank as she thinks it over, trying not to show just how nervous he felt, just how fast his heart is beating as she silently debates with herself. It’s a big decision to make and although he knows which outcome he wants, he also knows that at the end of the day, Clarke is what he wants first and foremost.

“Maybe seven actually,” she says quietly after a while, playing with the torn hem of her shirt. “Since I missed two periods already then it could be seven months left.”

Seven months.

In just over half a year they could have a baby, a small little thing that maybe has his hair and her eyes if they’re lucky, a small little thing that’s just theirs.

He has to try very hard to keep from smiling.

“Do you think it’s too soon?” she asks, finally looking back at him with glassy eyes. “I mean, we’ve only been together for a year. Do you really want to have a baby with me?”

“Clarke Griffin,” he says, quiet, solemn, as he gently thumbs her bottom lip from where she was anxiously biting down on it, “I want to have all the babies with you, if you’d let me.”

It gets a giggle out of her and he grins back, both of their eyes suddenly watery, and she laughs again, throwing her arms around his neck.

“Bell, we’re having a baby,” she says giddily, hugging him tight. He can feel the wetness from her tears leaking through his t-shirt but he can’t bring himself to care, not when he’s also crying a little bit too.

He presses a sloppy kiss to her forehead, a little off centre, but still enough to make her laugh even more, even as she sniffles a bit.

“Yeah, Clarke, we’re having a baby.”

-

(+i) 

Bellamy doesn’t think he’s ever been as scared in his life as the day Clarke goes into labour.

It’s winter time, one of the coldest days yet, and her water bursts early in the morning, sending them both scrambling.

She’s in labour for thirty fucking hours, first making him walk with her at least fifty times around their little community to get the contractions going, and then crushing all the bones in his hand when it’s finally time to push.

It’s simultaneously the scariest and most awe-inspiring thing he’s ever seen, and god, he knows that Clarke is tough as shit, but this is next level, and he’s fairly certain that he’s never been more in love with her than in this moment.

She gives one last push and collapses against him all sweaty and tired with tear tracks down her cheeks, but all of that doesn’t matter, not when Harper is holding a slimy red shrieking thing and then Clarke starts to cry too.

“Bell, Bell look,” she blubbers as she holds their baby to her chest, acting as though he’s been doing anything but looking ever since she entered the world. “Look at her. Look at our baby.”

“I see her, princess,” he manages to choke out, still staring in awe at their daughter. His hand is shaking as he reaches over to run a finger down her cheek. She’s stopped crying, just snuffling lightly against Clarke’s chest and he can’t believe that this is real, that she is real. “She’s perfect.”

Clarke somehow finds the energy to flash a weary smirk at him, “Of course she’s perfect. She’s ours.”

He can’t help but laugh and lean across to kiss her, hard and bit messy and perhaps a bit too intense for the delivery room of their little medbay, but Bellamy doesn’t care, not when Clarke, his gorgeous, strong, amazing Clarke, just gave birth to their baby.

“I love you,” he tells her, their foreheads pressed together, “So much.”

“I love you too,” she replies, flashing him that soft smile, the one that’s reserved just for him and now their daughter, and she cups his cheek.

Later, when all of their guests and wellwishers have finally left, and Clarke is asleep, getting some well deserved rest, Bellamy is left holding their baby.

He held her earlier of course, but it still doesn’t feel quite real as yet, standing by the window in their bedroom and looking out at the night sky with his daughter safely in his arms.

They named her Julia, after something Clarke read in a book once. Bellamy just thought the name was pretty.

Julia is awake, staring up at him with wide, curious eyes. She has his colouring, all dark hair and dark eyes and tanned skin, but her face is undeniably Clarke’s. It’s like she’s a perfect mix of the two of them.

“When you get a little bit older, I’ll tell you about the stories that were written into the stars,” he whispers to her, “The greek ones and the romans ones and of course, the ones about your mom.” He glances over to where Clarke is sleeping, mouth agape and drooling slightly on his pillow, and he smiles. “She’s a pretty badass woman.”

Julia gurgles in response and he takes that as her agreement.

He stands there a while longer, gently bouncing her while humming an old song from the Ark under his breath until she falls asleep.

Just like her mother, Julia sleeps with her little mouth open, and it draws another smile from him.

Ever so gently, he brushes back the little patch of dark, downy hair that covers her head and presses a soft kiss to her forehead, taking care not to wake her before placing her in the cot. It’s right next to their bed, next to Clarke, and for a moment he just stares at them, his two girls, his chest feeling tight with emotion.

He never thought he’d get something like this, a family of his own, but he does and now, lying next to the woman he loves while their daughter sleeps only a few feet away, well, he doesn’t think much more could top that.

[historyofshipping]

Clarke’s radio calls - script

[So I’m doing this for gifs but it’s slow going. Anyway, here are all the things we heard her say to Bellamy on the radio. Come cry with me about it.]

Where was I? Oh, right. Polis. Up until that moment, I believed I’d live in the bunker with the others, with my mom. I can’t bear the thought of leaving her down there, but the hard truth is, I could dig for years and never reach that door.

I’ve been by myself now for two months, but this is the first time I feel alone. It’s like we were never here. Maybe we never should have been. How the hell am I gonna make it 5 years?

I came to Arkadia looking for food or water, but all I found were ghosts. Part of me thinks that Jasper had the right idea. What’s the point if all there is is pain and suffering? Real cheerful, Clarke. I’m sorry. Ignore me, ok? I haven’t had water in two days. I need to find some soon, or I don’t think I’m gonna… Anyway, I doubt you can hear me on this piece-of-crap radio But in case this is the last time I get to do this, I just want to say Please don’t feel bad about leaving me here. You did what you had to do. I’m proud of you

I used to think that life was about more than just surviving, but I’m not sure anymore. Animals don’t feel guilty when they kill. They just do it. They kill, or they get killed. I tell myself that every life I took was for a reason, but the truth is, the other side had reasons, too. The Grounders, the Mountain Men, even A.L.I.E Their reasons to want us dead were the same as ours. It was us or them, kill or be killed, simple as that.

So what now? What becomes of the Commander of Death when there’s no one left to kill? I guess we’ll find out because my fight is over. The question is, who am I now? Wait till you see this place. It’s like the death wave jumped over the entire valley. Unfortunately, the radiation didn’t. I’ve lost track of how many bodies we’ve burned since reaching the ground. God, this would be so much easier if I knew you were alive, if I knew I was gonna see you again.

Positive thoughts, Clarke. It’s been 58 days. By now, Monty should have the algae farm producing. Hope bad does it suck? No offense, Monty. And I found berries, a whole field of them. They’re not very sweet, but they’re beautiful. I think that’s what they used to make the paint for…

Here we go again. Bellamy, if you can hear me, you’re alive. It’s been 2,199 days since Praimfaya. I don’t know why I still do this every day. Maybe it’s my way of staying sane, not forgetting who I am who I was. It’s been safe for you to come down for over a year now.

Why haven’t you? The bunker’s gone silent, too. We tried digging them out for a while, but there was too much rubble. I haven’t made contact with them, either. Anyway, I still have hope. Tell Raven to aim for the one spot of green, and you’ll find me. The rest of the planet, from what I’ve seen, basically sucks, so… Never mind. I see you.

[ramblingsrantsreviews]

Season Review: 13 Reasons Why - Season 4 (Netflix, 2020)

Netflix’s dropped the final season of their controversial teen drama 13 Reasons Why last week and, as expected, it quickly climbed to the number one spot and was trending. Albeit the trending topic was full of just as many people saying “don’t watch the show” as there were fans talking about the show but that’s too be expected.

Inspired by the teen best selling novel by Jay Asher, 13 Reasons Why was adapted into a television series by Brian Yorkey in 2017 and has since spanned four seasons despite controversy from critics, parents, and teenagers. The fourth and final season of the series follow the same group of Liberty High teenagers, now seniors, as they grabble with the aftermath of their decision to frame a murder on a fellow Liberty High student who was sent to prison for sexual assault and ultimately died in prison. Each of the core cast is dealing with the aftermath in different ways with Clay (Dylan Minnette) experiencing the most negative reaction due in part to his deteriorating mental health.

In true 13 Reasons Why fashion, the season deals with a variety of topics ranging from the ongoing drug use of students, their safety in school, mental health, and it even touches upon the very timely topic of police brutality and racial profiling. And of course, it had to pull one last controversial publicity stunt which left one of our beloved characters dead before graduation day.

I’ve already written about my overall thoughts on the characters outcomes but I felt the final season also warranted its own review. In addition to the usual categories, I’ve also includes a spot for my favorite character and favorite couple of the entire season since this is the final season. Least favorite character of the series will not be featured because I don’t feel the need to write anything more about Bryce. I’m also going to try to keep the character portions short so that I don’t repeat myself.

As always, spoilers are ahead.

Favorite Episode: 4×09 — “Prom”

All I’ve ever wanted is for this group of teenagers to be happy and actually enjoy their youth instead of dealing with whatever shit was complicating their lives. Episode 9 finally gave that to us, if you ignore the last 3 minutes of the episode like I’m choosing to do.

This episode had some of my favorite scenes that left me crying tears of joy and had my heart swelling with pride. It was also the first time, in a long time, that we saw the entire group back together in Clay and Justin’s bedroom. I’ve always said this show is best when it’s characters are all united and share the screen together and that scene proved I was right. If only they would have supported each other from the beginning of this season instead of just at the end.

Episode 9 is also home to both Charlie and Alex’s coming out moments and they could not have been more perfect. I absolutely love that both of their families were accepting and didn’t even question their sons. Charlie’s scene with his dad literally had me laughing out loud when they were talking about Charlie’s obsession with Eli Manning. It’s such an innocent thing and yet it showcases that LGBT kids and teens are just like their heterosexual counterparts who have innocent crushes on celebrities and athletes. I also love that his dad basically said he knew but wanted Charlie to come to him when he was ready.

Alex’s coming out moment was equally as cute. I really loved the fact that his wasn’t a coming-out moment in the traditional sense because he didn’t sit his parents down and talk to them about his sexuality. Instead, he just shows up with Charlie who he introduces as his boyfriend. It was perfect and honestly, I think more shows and films should deal with coming-out stories that happen like this. I was once again laughing when Alex’s brother got all excited because he was dating the quarterback of the Liberty High football team. Plus, the heartfelt moment with both of his parents warmed my heart. All they’ve ever wanted for their son is to see him happy and healthy and they finally got that.

I loved Charlie’s promposals and how he kept trying to one-up them to get Alex to say yes. I’m wondering though if maybe he should have tried something more low-key and intimate since that seems to be more of Alex’s style. Either way, they were all cute and I’m glad Alex finally said yes. Also, I love that they finally realized that Jess didn’t need a boy on her arm to have a good time. Having her go with Ani was cute and felt a bit full circle since the only ever girlfriend she had was Hannah who she had a falling out with before her death. And I also love that Clay tagged along with Alex and Charlie to make sure Alex was comfortable. He’s always looking out. Honorable cute mentions also go to Caleb for finally getting Tony to participate in high school activities and Tyler for going with Estella and having the best time ever.

Of course, the prom scene as a whole was amazing (again, until the last 3 minutes which I will not be mentioning again…hopefully). Seeing these kids get to be teenagers warmed my heart and it was everything I ever wanted. I loved that the football team was behind Charlie and Alex winning Prom Kings. It really showed a growth in the team since they’d been homophobic and rapists in prior seasons but have finally started to mature and “be better” as Zach and later Charlie helped instill in them. I also love that Ani and Clay finally hashed out their weird relationship and that they were able to move on as friends.

I was so glad when Justin showed up at the prom. He deserved to have a great time and enjoy his dwindling senior year just like the rest of his friends. I love how they show the scene when Jess spots him in this cinematic and romantic way. Was it cheesy? Yes, but dammit these two deserve all the cheesiness after everything they’ve been through. I also love Jess’s line telling him to never love anything more than life. It was perfect and everything I wanted.

Oh, and Clay asking his mom to dance was equally as adorable.

The only thing I felt this episode needed (other than a different ending) was the inclusion of “The Night We Met.” That song is a staple of this series and it would have been nice to have it played at their final dance. Perhaps, they could have all come together on the dance floor like they did in season 2 for Clay.

Least Favorite Episode: 4×03 — “Valentine’s Day”

To be honest, the whole first half of the season was a hot mess but I think my least favorite episode had to be the third episode. I literally almost stopped watching after it because it no longer felt like I was watching 13 Reasons Why.

I found it to be an interesting choice by the writers to write another episode centered around a dance when we were going to get a prom episode and have had multiple dance centric episodes in prior seasons. I think it would have been more interesting if they set the drama somewhere else. Then again, dances seem to be the only way to get all these characters in one place at the same time so I digress.

My biggest issue with this episode was the whole plot surrounding Clay and the mysterious phone calls. I felt like I was watching a cheap knock off of Scream every time Clay answered the phone and was tormented by the caller. Of all the dumb things this show has done, this was the dumbest and completely unnecessary. After all, Clay had been cleared from being a person-of-interest in Bryce’s murder before Ani’s confession that Monty was the one who did it. Therefor, the football teams motive for taking their anger and emotions for Monty out on Clay made zero sense. Not to mention, they did it in the most unoriginal way ever.

This episode also featured Winston and Alex getting closer and dating. Look, I believe most characters can change and be good people but Winston doesn’t seem to be one of those people. Granted, Alex didn’t know who he was or his involvement with Monty at the time but we did which made it hard for me to root for these two. Winston may have actually had feelings for Alex, but to me he was just using him to get information and that is totally not cool.

I also greatly disliked Clay and Ani in this episode. It’s clear that their relationship has run its course and Ani’s constant need to keep pushing Clay to be with her was dumb. Ani is such a smart character and yet she does the stupidest things. She definitely needed one of Jess’s woman empowerment speeches.

Also I absolutely hated Zach yelling at Justin and then Jess yelling at Justin — even if she was right to do so.

By far the worst thing about this episode had to be the ending sequence with Clay in the shower and then on the football field. Of course, the episode then ended with him walking into the gym with a red stained shirt holding a knife. Definitely not a good image for Clay but what really killed me is that everyone blamed him for brining a knife to the dance when Diego and his boys literally planted it for him to take! Once again 13 Reasons Why forgets its own plot for more drama.

Favorite Character This Season: Charlie St. George

While Charlie might not be my all-time favorite character, he definitely earned the prize of being my favorite character this season.

Charlie was the one character this season who was actually there for everyone around him and wasn’t consumed with his own issues. In fact, Charlie is so selfless that he chose to get involved with all their drama last season when he didn’t need to but did anyway because he knew it was the right thing to do.

As for this season, well Charlie continued to out do himself. He helped Justin hold the football team accountable when they were being dicks. He made sure Jess was getting the team’s undivided attention during her speech. He tried to help Tony decide on what to do about Tyler’s gun pictures during the lockdown and he even calmed Alex down during one of his anxiety attacks. Not to mention, he researched Alex’s TBI so that he’d know what to expect and how to handle any issues that may arise from it. His helpfulness didn’t stop there. He also tried to be there for Clay and for Justin during the season. And he even went as far as tracking down Zach and forcing him to go see Justin in the hospital when he was dying.

If all that doesn’t prove that he’s the best character than I don’t know what will.

He also had the best coming-out moment and literally ruled the prom with Alex as his date.

So yeah, Charlie was the best.

Favorite Character Of The Series: Justin Foley

Since this is the final season, I also wanted to speak about my favorite character of the entire show: Justin Foley. If you read my other post this should come as no surprise that Justin is my ride-or-die character.

Justin is my favorite character because he has one of the best character arcs of the entire series (if you ignore the final episode and is horrible fate). In the first season he was this angry and broken kid who was so distraught with guilt that he turned to the streets for some kind of relief and eventual revenge. Thankfully, Clay and Tony were there to save him and the Jenson’s were kind enough to offer him a home when he had no where else to turn.

Sure, Justin still struggled with his addiction but he tried and fought so damn hard to get better. Relapse is part of the recovery process and if you recall, most of the times Justin relapsed were do in part to major things happening in his life, like his biological mother’s overdose which lead to her death.

Despite all the things against him, Justin finally got help this season and was on the path to recovery. He was thriving in school, had a college acceptance letter in his hands, and was finally happy. All Justin ever wanted to do was live and he constantly tried to do that.

As you know from my character thoughts post, I was completely devastated when he died. It’s been a week and I’m still not over it. I honestly feel like I lost someone I knew in real life.

Despite his ill fitted and unnecessary ending, Justin Foley had the best character development of this group. He was the one character who deserved to live more than anything. In my head, he’s alive and thriving in college while having regular FaceTime dates with Jess.

Least Favorite Character This Season: Winston

Avoiding the obvious answers like Bryce and Monty, who I hate with my entire being, I’ve decided that Winston is my least favorite character of season 4.

I mentioned this in my other post but I’m going to say it again, Winston is nothing more than a knock-off Clay who doesn’t have half the heart that Clay Jenson has.

I can’t get behind Winston because his entire character is rooted in being a rapist apologist because he “loved” Monty. Obviously, I don’t think Winston is a terrible person but I do think something is wrong with him since he is able to have feelings for Monty despite knowing all the terrible and hurtful things he did to people. I mean Mrs. Walker couldn’t look her own son in the eyes after learning everything he did and you’re telling me that Monty can turn a blind eye to it because he’s in love. I call bullshit.

I didn’t feel like Winston’s actions this season were rooted in good like Clay’s were. I think every relationship he formed with the core group was made because he wanted to get information out of them.

The only good thing Winston did was not turn Alex in for killing Bryce. In my opinion, though, that doesn’t redeem him for spending the entire season trying to seek revenge for Monty.

Favorite Couple This Season: Alex and Charlie

Let’s be honest, 13 Reasons Why doesn’t have the best track record when it comes to relationships. Even the most iconic and shippable couples on the show are problematic. Which is why I was so shocked and proud when the writers finally decided to show a happy and healthy relationship, between two boys to top it all off!

While I’ll admit, I had been hoping that Alex would end up with Zach this season I am 110% sold that he was destined to be with Charlie. As I’ve said before and in this very post, Charlie is so caring and attentive to Alex that you can tell his feelings are completely authentic and he has no ulterior motive for wanting/choosing to be with Alex.

In fact, if you watch the third season carefully, you’ll notice that Charlie had taken an interest in Alex during that season. It just wasn’t as prominent on the screen. Perhaps, that’s part of the reason Charlie decided to get involved with this group. And once he found out Alex was the one who needed saving he jumped into action to plant Bryce’s tape on Monty. But that might be my brain stretching.

Regardless, Charlie and Alex are the perfect teenage couple and the by far the healthiest couple of this entire show. They’re there for each other, they celebrate each other’s victories (even if Alex doesn’t always understand them) and their love is unconditional.

These two may be Prom Kings but they’re also Kings of healthy relationships.

Favorite Couple Of The Series: Justin and Jess

Even though Alex and Charlie are the healthiest couple and by far my favorite this season, I can’t help but continue to ship Jess and Justin.

Now listen, these two are not a couple that should be idolized. They’re extremely toxic at times and they are way too dependent on each other. Not to mention, the origins of their relationship are complex and for some, immensely problematic. And yet, here I am stanning this couple because they’re so made for each other.

Part of what makes Justin and Jess work is that they understand each other, even when they don’t always want to. They both have been in each others shows. They both know what it’s like to be at rock bottom and to climb out on top. Beyond that, they’re (usually) always there for each other or at least are cheering each other on in some way.

Was Jess wrong this season to lash out as Justin when he told her he needed to focus on herself? Absolutely. But Justin was also in the wrong a few seasons ago when he didn’t fight to help Jess enough. Regardless of their issues and arguments, these two are always finding their way back to each other.

I loved that Justin went to Jess’s aide during the lockdown. Sure, it took Diego being an ass to get him there but I’m pretty sure he would have went regardless. Frankly I’m convinced that Justin was texting Jess during the lockdown before he even went down to see her. And, despite everything going on, in that moment they felt safe, because they were together.

I love that Justin, even though he was jealous of Diego, never really made it an issue — or at least, a major issue. When Zach is trying to rile him up at the Valentine’s Day dance Justin reminds him that Jess doesn’t belong to him. It’s the smallest thing but it a sign that he loves and respects Jess enough to let her be on her own. In fact, I’d argue that the real issue he has with Jess seeing Diego is that Diego is a complete dick to Clay and is obsessed with finding out the truth about Monty.

I love that Jess is (almost) always there for Justin. Should she have pulled him out of the alleyway when she finds him doing drugs again? Absolutely, but I think her choosing to walk away was an extremely hard decision for her to make. And I’m glad their story didn’t end there. I absolutely loved Jess’s speech to Justin at the prom. And the scene of them in the hospital completely wrecked me. Hearing Jess say that Justin taught her to love when he was still convinced he ruined her life was seriously the most heartbreaking thing ever.

As I said, I’m pretending these two are living a happy and healthy life because that’s what they deserve.

Complaints:

13 Reasons Why is strongest when the cast is together and supporting each other. Unfortunately this season everything felt disjointed, especially these characters relationships with each other. Alex and Jess had barely any scenes together despite committing a murder together. Zach was messy the entire season and acting very out of character. And no one cared enough to help him. Alex did try but it didn’t feel like enough, or maybe Zach was just too stubborn to accept it. The golden trio (Clay, Justin, and Jess) had little to no scenes until the end which hurt me to my core. I felt like Justin was missing from the first half of the season and then when he did get more time on screen he was literally dying. Clay and Tony barely had any scenes together and seemed annoyed with each other. Tyler was basically on his own this season – at least he had Estella. I guess I had higher hopes that our core group would be stronger than ever but that simply wasn’t the case and I’m upset about it.

My other major problem this season was the show’s need to try to be a psychological thriller. I fully support them wanting to show Clay’s deteriorating mental state and I found it interesting that they chose to go the disassociating route but I am not a fan of how they did it. I felt like the writers forgot the genre of their show. As I mentioned above, I also hated the football team using their phones to torment Clay. It was stupid and unoriginal.

Another issue I had this season was the fact that both Ani and Zach out Alex to different people. In Ani’s case she outed Alex to Clay by confessing that she caught him making out with Winston in the hallway during the dance. As for Zach, he outed Alex to almost all of their friends during the senior camping trip after learning that Alex broke up with Winston. While neither of them outed Alex with malicious intent, it was still wrong. I would have liked to see Alex confront them about it, at some point.

I absolutely hated and was disgusted at the fact the show tried to portray both Clay and Zach as people who would rape unconscious women who were unable to consent. I will never forgive the writers for that. It literally served no purpose and completely went again both of their characters.

I also found it extremely random and unneccesary that Clay hooks up with Valerie, Sheriff Diaz’s daughter, at that party. I don’t care that he hooked up with someone but because it was the daughter of the Sheriff I wanted that to be a bigger moment. I was waiting and expecting Sheriff Diaz to find out and flip out on Clay but that never happened. As it stands now, the only purpose that scene had was to inform us that Sheriff Diaz did have a family which would make his speech to Alex’s dad at the end of the season make sense.

I also wasn’t a fan of Monty and Bryce’s presence this season. Both of them already got their moments in the spotlight we didn’t need to see them again. They were monsters who don’t deserve any sort of redemption or yet another attempt of a redemption arc. I also found it extremely peculiar that Clay was the one that was seeing them. As I’ve said before, Clay wasn’t the one who came up with the idea to frame Monty so I wasn’t totally sure why he felt so guilty. I also hated that they gave Jess another scene with ghost Bryce at the end instead of having her see ghost Justin. If anyone deserved to be in that final scene where they’re burying Hannah’s tapes it was Justin. After all, he’s where the story began.

Speaking of the final scene, I felt it odd that they decided to bring Courtney and Ryan back. If they were going to reunite the entire tape crew where were Marcus and Sheri? Even though they weren’t prominent in the episode I felt their screen time could have been given to one of the other core characters instead.

Another minor thing, I missed the smooth transitions in and out of scenes that 13 Reasons Why always seemed to nail. I know they were mainly used when the story was switching from past and present but I truly missed them this season. Everything felt harsh and jagged and I wasn’t a fan.

Lastly, and this one is going to be obvious. I hated that they killed Justin. There was no reason for his death. There was no hint that he was the one who was going to die. It was unnecessary and a last ditch attempt to be controversial and shocking. I’m not over it and I’ll never be over it.

Praise:

Most of the things I’m going to write here I’ve said elsewhere so I apologize for any repetition.

As I said above, one of my favorite things about this season was Alex and Charlie’s coming out scenes. Something I have yet to mention though, is that I love how Alex turned to Tony when he was still in the midst of questioning his sexuality. It was a really sweet moment and it showcased Tony and Alex’s friendship. I also love that Tony answered the question without questing Alex on why he was asking. Tony could have asked Alex if he was questioning his sexual identity or something else but he chose not to because it’s not his place.

Speaking of Tony, I adored the scene with his father when Caleb told him about Tony’s college opportunity. Tony was so adamant on turning it down because he wanted to keep the auto shop going and to hear his father tell him that Tony is his dream was heartwarming. I think we all knew that his father just wants what is best for Tony but to hear him say it was important.

I did like the scene where the tape crew was reunited. It felt very full circle but I think they should have burned the tapes instead of burying them. I swear to god, if in 10 years this show gets a reboot because someone finds the tapes I’m going to die. I was a bit confused though since it didn’t appear that all the tapes were in the box. And I still think Justin should have been a part of it in some way. After all, he was the start of the tapes. Bryce may have brought them all together in a twisted way, but without Justin they wouldn’t have existed either.

Everything considered, I’m glad we did get to see Jess and Justin together in the end. To me they are endgame — even though Diego tries to get Jess to date him right after Justin’s death. I’ll cherish the prom scene and even the scenes in the hospital forever.

Also regarding Justin’s fate, I loved his final scene with Clay. The series spends so much time trying to get us to believe that Justin found a brother in Bryce, but I never bought it. Justin’s only brother was Clay and that essay proved that. It was so heartfelt and sad and I loved it. I also love that Clay admits to Justin that he doesn’t know how to go on without him but Justin assures him that he does.

I also did like the ending scene with Clay and Tony, even though in my perfect world it was Clay and Justin driving off to college together. It was a nice full circle moment. Although, I will admit my anxiety was through the roof because I seriously thought they were going to get into an accident. After all, it is 13 Reasons Why.

Lastly, I want to discuss the final scene at the police station between Alex’s dad and Sheriff Diaz. I spent a lot of this season and last season hating Sheriff Diaz but he certainly redeemed himself in that moment. There’s no doubt in my mind that he realized that Alex was the one who killed Bryce. And yet, he understood that Alex is a good kid who doesn’t deserve to be in jail. He understood that Bryce and Monty were both monsters. He knew that if the truth got out Alex’s dad would fall apart. His speech about putting family before his job was important and impactful.

As I’ve said, of all the shitty things this show has done the one thing they actually got right was letting Alex walk free. I never would have forgiven them if they had sent Alex to jail. After all, he’s not a monster he’s the hero of the story.

                                                         * * *

I still have mixed feelings about the final season and I think I will for the rest of time. Had they not have killed Justin I feel like I would have felt a lot better about the conclusion of the show. But if 13 Reasons Why has taught me anything its that life is not fair and that we cannot let tragedy dictate our entire lives. We must live (and continue watching questionable television shows).

You can stream the final season of 13 Reasons Why on Netflix.

What did you think of the final season of 13 Reasons Why? What was your favorite and least favorite episode? Who do you ship? Are you happy with the ending? Let me know in the comments or by tweeting me @3RsBlog.

Featured Image Source: Netflix

[osleyakomwonkru]

The 100 Ask Game

Stealing this from @easilydistractedbyfanfic!

1. What Station on the Ark would you be from?

Is there an Education Station? We don’t really know a lot of the Stations. There’s twelve of them, but we don’t have names and/or jobs for all of them. Something that involves learning, passing on knowledge, history, stuff like that.

2. What would you get arrested for on the Ark?

Probably saying the wrong thing to the wrong person.

3. Would you take off your wristband when you landed on the ground?

That would depend on how angry I was feeling at the time. 

4. What would the necklace Finn would make for you look like? (Clarke: deer/Raven: a raven duh..)

Cat. I love cats. Maybe a panther?

5. If you could resurrect any MINOR character who would it be?

Jacapo Sinclair, no question. (leaving @easilydistractedbyfanfic’s answer here)

6. Create a squad of 5 characters to go on missions with. Who are they?

Octavia, Murphy, Echo, Niylah, Diyoza. All you need, really, covering all of the important aspects: Fighting, survival, sneakiness, healing, strategy.

7. What Grounder Clan would you belong to you?

Azgeda or Floukru. Yes, I’m a pile of contradictions.

8. What would your name be in Trigedasleng? (example: Octavia=Okteivia…just make it up!)

I’m pleading the fifth on this one because out of the Trig names that most closely resemble mine in the show, it is way too close for comfort to nicknames bullies used for me as a kid.

9. Thoughts on Finn? Some people hate him, and others love him, so I’m curious

I’m indifferent to him. Probably because I only started watching the show last year, so he was in and out of my life within a week of binge watching.

10. Be honest. How willing would you have been to take the chip without knowing all the horrible things it does?

Nope. Technology is scary. AI tech most of all.

11. What character do you relate to most?

Octavia, no question. Most specifically her feelings of non-belonging anywhere, the importance of agency and choices and an independent spirit that doesn’t want to either follow or lead.

12. What character do you like the least?

Marcus Kane, but Abby Griffin is becoming a fast contender for that spot. Though I’ve never liked her, while I did actually like Kane up until 5x04, so not being able to like Kane anymore feels worse.

13. Describe your delinquent outfit. (Would you wear something like Murphy’s jacket with the spikey red shoulder patch or have a trademark like Jasper’s goggles? Be creative, yet practical)

Black. Black and more black. If I came down in a jumpsuit like Octavia I would’ve ditched it as fast as possible. Then traded with Niylah to get a nice black leather outfit.

14. Favorite type of mutant animal?

Was the panther a mutant? Let’s say that one.

15. What would your job be on the Ark?

History teacher.

16. Would you have willingly pumped Ontari’s heart if Abby asked?

I’d do it, but I don’t know how good it at I’d be.

17. If Lexa wasn’t Heda, but she was still alive then who would have made the best commander?

Roan. He’s practical yet loyal, and believes in honour above all else.

18. How would you act if you ate the hallucinogenic nuts like Jasper and Monty?

I’d talk too much. Probably give away some secrets.

19. How would you have dealt with Charlotte’s crime? A more John Murphy approach or Bellamy Blake approach?

Bellamy version. Back at a time when Bellamy was still a good guy...

20. Who should have been the Chancellor, if anyone?

I still like Jaha for the job. He understands the burden of leadership and doesn’t toss it around like Abby and Kane.

21. Would you have been on Pike’s side like Bellamy or on Kane’s side? Or Clarke in Polis?

Kane’s side. About the only time you’ll hear me say that :P

22. Mount Weather had a lot of modern commodities. (example: Maya’s Ipod) What is the one thing you would snatch while there?

BOOKS. All the books.

23. What would your Grounder tattoos look like? Hairstyle? War paint?

I’d probably have tattoos all over my arms. Intricate braided hairstyles, the cooler the better. I usually wear my hair in braids anyway, been wanting to try something more complex.

24. Favorite quote?

I have a few, so you can have them all:

“The sword doesn’t care what you meant. It just cuts.” - Octavia, 4x06 

“I don’t choose pain, I choose life.” - Raven, 4x11

“Ge smak daun, gyon op nodotaim.” (Get knocked down, get back up) - Lincoln/Octavia, numerous episodes

25. If all of the characters were in the Hunger Games, who would have the best shot at winning?

Luna, because I think she could outlive everyone either by fighting until the death OR by stomping off by herself and outlasting everyone out of sheer willpower (keeping @easilydistractedbyfanfic‘s answer again)

26. Least favorite ship? Favorite canon ship? Favorite non canon ship? NOT INCLUDING CL OR BC OR BE

Least: Kabby. They use other people (read: Octavia) as pawns in their relationship problems and don’t take responsibility for the shit they do to each other.

Favorite canon: Linctavia. *cue tears*

Favorite non-canon: Niytavia and if they don’t become canon JRoth is getting an angry letter.

27. A song that should be included in the next season? If there had to be another guest star like Shawn Mendes on the show, who would you want to make a cameo?

I am currently loving the song “Ode to the Forgotten Few” by Mechina as a good descriptor for how S6 starts. Thank you, Spotify Discover Weekly playlists.

As to a cameo... eh. I didn’t even recognize that guy when he was on the show, because I’d never heard of him before.

28. What would you do if you were stuck in the bunker with Murphy for all that time?

With Murphy? Well, I mean, he broke the TV, so there isn’t really much to do for entertainment besides each other...

29. You’re an extra that gets killed off. How do you die?

In the Final Conclave, fighting Roan or Luna.

30. A character you’d like to learn more about and get flashbacks of?

Diyoza. I think we’ve got everybody else at this point.

31. A character you’d bang?

Roan. Ilian. Octavia.

32. Would you stay in the Bunker? Go up to Space? Or live on your own in Eden?

Wonkru for life, bitches.

33. In the Bunker, would you follow Octavia? What would you do to pass the time underground?

Okay, so, I am totally NOT a follower, but Octavia was right in all the things, so I would be a loyal member of Wonkru, because why wouldn’t I go with the right side?

I’d learn to fight, read a lot, write because people will need more stuff to read, stuff like that.

34. What crime would you commit in the Bunker that lands you in the fighting pits?

I wouldn’t, because I know how to follow the simple rules of a) don’t start shit, and b) eat your damn people cube.

35. Up in Space, who would you bond with first? Who would be the most difficult for you to get along with?

I’d be the first to reach out to Echo, because I’m a sucker for lost souls. I probably wouldn’t get along with Monty.

36. How long do you think you would last on Earth by yourself?

Pretty long, as long as I could find food and water. I’m good at entertaining myself.

37. When the Eligius ship lands what do you do?

Watch them for a long time. Not start a war out of the gate.

38. Favorite Eligius character? Least favorite?

I actually have a soft spot for Vinson. And Diyoza. McCreary can just go die.

39. Would you Spacewalk?

Doubt it. Space would be a nightmare for me.

40. Would you prefer to eat Windshield Bugs, Space Algae, or Bunker Meat?

Bunker Meat. But after the first meal I’d be storming into the kitchen to give them a lesson on how to prepare food so it doesn’t make you want to hurl.

41. Would you start a war for the last spot of green on earth? What would your solution be to avoid it?

I wouldn’t start a war, but if someone already started it, I’d damn well finish it. I’m not making peace with people who have shown that they’re untrustworthy on all things. I’m all aboard the worms plan. Quick and relatively clean.

42. Would you rather dig out flesh-eating worms or stick thumb drives into bullet holes?

Eh, I’d do either if I had to. Not too fussed.

43. Are you willing to poison your sister for the Traitor Who You Love? What would you do to stop Octavia?

I’m not stopping Octavia. Octavia was right.

44. Would you go to sleep in cryo or stay awake like Marper?

I might stay awake for a few weeks, just to recalibrate to a world that isn’t a shitstorm, but then go to sleep to wait out the rest of the time.

45. Who are you waking up first to explore the new planet?

Octavia, Niylah, Diyoza, Jackson, Miller. Raven and Shaw to fly the transport. Shove Clarke and Bellamy back into their ice boxes. 

If you want to do this, go for it!

[sometimesrosy]

The 100 s5 rewatch, 5.01 Eden

Hey guys. I don’t know how these are going to turn out. The last time i did a liveblog of my rewatch it was 1-2-3. I’m not sure I have more insight to add, but my enjoyment. I am bellarke focused, but not solely bellarke, and I’m looking for things I’ve missed before. 

I also haven’t been participating in bellarkefamselfienight for various reasons, but mostly because every time I try, my icloud is not cooperating and it’s this whole big hassle and nah. So I thought I’d push to get this out for bfsn. If there are a lot of typos it’s because i’m a crap typist and I’m trying to write as I watch. So. be forewarned.

If you want me to tag you drop me a note. Or removed from the tags. :) I like liveblogs and rewatches and new watcher reactions so if you do it you can tag me too.

@captainwilldameron @kizo2703 @levivlio @kickthatassgirl @jeanie205 @starboybellamy @ezraewrites @alightinadarkland  @emmyisgrey @irisouy

  Here we go

First shot it the ring and then it slides through and down to earth, with Clarke digging out of the lab to a desolate land. Her outfit is good though. She hikes across the dry ocean bed, back to the spot where flokru left their stone markers and she digs up the rover. 210 miles to Polis but it’s nothing but a wasteland and the tower is down. She’s trying to dig the bunker out by hand. Screaming for her mom and telling her she’s here and eating tiny bits of ration bars. Ooh she finds the throne, is that he CL theme? Ooo but she collapses the whole tower from trying to get that staff out of the throne.

Oh voiceover. Who are you talking to Clarke? Who? Oh that’s right. Bellamy. 2 months alone, the tower collapsed, she heads to Arcadia and it’s the first time she feels alone. Maya’s iPod, Jasper’s goggles MOnty’s note. Poor Clarke. Now we see the voiceover is a call on the radio. Static. “Anyway I doubt you can hear me on this piece of crap radio… but please don’t feel bad about leaving me here. You did what you had to do. I’m proud of you.” Definitely to Bellamy.

Finally rain. She hasn’t had water in days. Now that she’s had water she seems much better. Eating bugs off the windshield. I LOVE when she digs the bugs off the grate and scarfs them down like they are delicious. Lol. But uh oh. We have a dangerous storm coming and she’s got to cover up from the elements too late for the solar panels. CLose the windows Clarke. Save yourself. Was that one of the glass storms? Ahh she’s heading for Farm Station and then the Solar Fields to get new solar panels for the rover. That’s when she dares the earth to kill her. And it almost does.

Dropping Lxa’s staff. Dropping Jaspers goggles. Dropping her coat and pack and falling to her knees in the desert. Now just falling. The vulture is trying to EAT her, and then she’s like wait It’s ALIVE. The first thing she sees is more desert, and then tumbles down the dune. Screaming Clarke.

“I”ve lost everything I”ve lost my friends, my father my mother. I’ve got nothing left!” Crying. Heading for the gun. And putting it to her head but there’s the vulture again. Follow it Clarke follow it.

There’s Eden. Heavenly music. “Thank You,” She says to the vulture and then shoots it.

That’s so Clarke.

Here’s Clarke eating in Eden. More voiceover. This one’s important to the whole season I think, and perhaps leads her, later, to  deciding to be the good guy. It’s showing how much she’s changed from the first Clarke, in season 1.

--I used to think life was about more than just surviving, but I’m not so sure anymore. Animals don’t feel guilty when they kill, they just do it. They kill or they get killed.

I tell myself that every life I took was for a reason. But the truth is the other side had reasons too. The grounders, the mountain men, even ALIE, their reasons to want us dead were the same as ours. It was us or them. Kill or be killed. Simple as that. So what now? What becomes of the commander of death when there is nothing left to kill. I guess we’ll find out now, because my fight is over. The question is, who am I now?”

She’s in the river, swimming. Being washed clean….

So that voiceover. That was talking to Bellamy, wasn’t it? She was having her moral dilemma to Bellamy.

She finds the village.

--Wait til you see this place. It’s like the death wave jumped over the entire valley. Unfortunately the radiation didn’t. “

Dead kids. Dead bodies. Just like in Mount Weather. Eerie

--I’ve lost track of how many bodies we’ve burned since reaching the ground. God this would be so much easier if I knew you were alive. If I knew I was going to see you again. Positive thoughts, Clarke.”

We see her sitting at a table now, her tone of voice much happier. The radio is back.  Joking about how the algae must suck but she found berries. Just talking to Bellamy. When you realize she’s just talking to him, and you know it lasts for 2199 days, it seems so sad and lonely. Oh look, she’s drawing the rocket taking off right now. So she’s thinking about when they left her and talking to them. Wait no. She sees a person. Madi.

Madi is a little hell child. Running from her. THen Clarke steps in the bear trap and Madi tells the fleimkepa to die and stabs her until she realizes she’s a night blood too and runs away. Hell child.

Clarke limps back to the cafe to sew her leg back up. I think I heard that they actually made that a lot less gory than they were going to. Poor Clarke, sweating and panting and now she’s asleep and Madi steals all her damn stuff! Hell child!

But she gets better, now limping around on Lxa’s staff and watching Madi spear fish.

“Last two people on earth and one of them happens to be the child from hell.

But there she is drawing a picture of Madi by the water. Clever Clarke lures her in with a picture of herself. And leaves. Madi comes closer and the music is suddenly soft and gentle.

Cut to grown Madi getting out of the rover and Clarke having caught fish. They’re going to get hair dye. Now the hair dying. Madi is talking about Clarke’s stories and her heroes, especially Octavia. Clarke says she’s not sorry they left without her because if she was with them she never would have met her.

“What about them? DO you think they’ll come back too?” Clarke says. The music changes to something longing and the camera pans up to Bellamy in the ring staring out the window looking at Eden. No words.

Echo and Raven sparring. Monty calling dinner and Raven using the distraction to get Echo.

“This isn’t eating it’s surviving,” harper said.

Ahh spacerkru. Eden is still just a dot and Raven and Bellamy are fighting over radiation, radios and living on earth while drinking green swill.

Emori likes spacewalks and likes to play outside in the void. While Bellamy is hassling Raven about not getting them to earth for 6 years and 7 days. They said they wouldn’t talk about it and Bellamy says sorry, and takes his punishment to check on Murphy.

Murphy jumps on his back, the troll. And Bellamy just rolls with it. He wants Murphy to come back to the others if he wins their sparring and Murphy says no because there’s no one to disappoint here, then he sucker punches Bellamy. They are so cute together. I mean they’re fighting but they’re not angry.

“You know what your problem is? You like being a hero. Except up here, there are no heroes.” I like the character development of s1 asshole murphy missing being the hero. Outcast murphy being DECLARED a hero. He just wanted to belong, and now he does...only he has problems with that, belonging. And Bellamy’s trying to force him to love himself. 

SO like down on Eden, we’ve got Clarke saying the good guys and bad guys are the same and life is just about survival, because that way she doesn’t feel guilt. And up there in space, Bellamy is saying there are no heroes and Murphy is afraid to be useless again. Then they spar and Bellamy pins him, “You’re not worthless, Murphy,” and he sees the Eligius. Immediately they’re back as a team, even if they don’t agree about communicating with Eligius. Murphy just wants to get to the ground and Bellamy wants to find out who they are first.

That clip of Clarke and Madi seeing the Eligius is a clip from s4. It’s the other actress that played Madi but you don’t see her face.

THERE’S the real Madi.  THey’re running from the Eligius, and Madi want to think that they are good guys but Clarke isn’t taking any chances. She’s going to be the girl under the floor.

Diyoza in armor and a mask revealed to be a pretty lady. She thinks it’s all clear when she’s got Wanheda scoping her. Oh the prisoners are just swarming. There’s shaw who looks dashing, and McCreary who looks like some sort of dangerous scorpion. “Non violent offenders with me?” Shaw says. “Yeah both of them.”

“You’re still my favorite mass murderer,” she says to McCreary. That’s just because she hasn’t met OUR mass murderers.

I love her little journal of their weapons, just like Lincoln had.

Except she hears then and comes running because some prisoner is going to shoot Madi. While the other guy is like leave the little kid aloe. Then Clarke shoots him and goes after the other one. Oh nope. Madi takes out the other prisoner. Her first kill.

Madi tries to keep Clarke from killing the other prisoner because she thinks he’s one of the good guys, and Clarke says, “There are no good guys.”

That’s important. The idea of good guys, heroes, who are they now?

Back to spacekru and Monty doesn’t want to go because they’ve been safe for 6 years. He doesn’t want to take the risk.

He doesn’t want to do it again, to have to be so strong. “No one should have to be that strong.”

Emori doesn’t want anything to do with Murphy and he packed her pack for her. Raven says he blew a good thing, because she’s annoyed about having a roommate for 6 months. He says it’s because she couldn’t get them back to the ground.

Bellamy’s final sweep to pick up Echo. “What are we gonna be now, Bellamy?”

“Nothing is gonna change on the ground.”

“I wish that were true.

“Oh I know it is.We kept each other alive. We’re family and nothing can change that.”

He thinks Octavia will understand, but then panics about her not being okay. Because she’ll forgive her too. “Bellamy, it took you three years.”

“Well I’m more stubborn than she is. Whatever it is down there Octavia will be the least of our worries.”

Smash cut to Octavia leading her death cult.

Oh Bellamy. That is like one full minute of famous lasts words, buddy.

[captaindaddykru]

The 100 Ask Game

i was tagged by @foreverandalwayscrysis even though i accidentally end up ignoring her for weeks bc i’ve migrated towards twitter. major dumb b*tch energy.

1. What Station on the Ark would you be from? probably argo station bc im from the south and im surrounded by farmers. theyre everywhere. get me out.

2. What would you get arrested for on the Ark? yelling at someone in command for being a basic bitch? fighting for equality? stealing meds for the poor?

3. Would you take off your wristband when you landed on the ground? if bellamy asked me to? y-yeah.

4. What would the necklace Finn would make for you look like? (Clarke: deer/Raven: a raven duh..) i’d love a turtle

5. If you could resurrect any MINOR character who would it be? ok if we dont count miles ezekiel shaw bc he was in more than two eps, definitely wells.

6. Create a squad of 5 characters to go on missions with. Who are they? bellamy, clarke, raven, shaw & harper. 

7. What Grounder Clan would you belong to? there is only one kru<3<3 anyway, floukru if it was my own decision.

8. What would your name be in Trigedasleng? sumn like maksim? or just maks? idk the whole language is confusing to me

9. Thoughts on Finn? Some people hate him, and others love him, so I’m curious. did everyone try the chicken? i thought the chicken was lovely. nah, all jokes aside -- what he did to raven was absolutely disgusting, but i kind of liked his storyline. how he went from being holier-than-thou to absolutely losing his damn mind over clarke to point he shoots up an entire village of innocent people? it was interesting. but he died when he shouldve.

10. Be honest. How willing would you have been to take the chip without knowing all the horrible things it does? im not gonna take shit. grass is always greener on the other side.

11. What character do you relate to most? definitely clarke. thats why i’m so hard on her.

12. What character do you like the least? echo. groan every time i see her face.

13. Describe your delinquent outfit. (Would you wear something like Murphy’s jacket with the spikey red shoulder patch or have a trademark like Jasper’s goggles? Be creative, yet practical) oh i love this one! uhm. probably like jeans, but ripped. black ankle boots. a shirt -- something with cleavage definitely, i think a regular tanktop. a dark jacket. idk. i would always have a gun/knife holster on my thigh i think. (ok i wanna look like lara croft). and i would enjoy if i could wear any shade of lipstick. i would want that to be my trademark. i find berries or sumn in the first ep.

14. Favorite type of mutant animal? that monster spying on lincoln and octavia in the woods. wonder what happened to that one.

15. What would your job be on the Ark? something medical for sure.

16. Would you have willingly pumped Ontari’s heart if Abby asked? yeah no biggie im (almost) a nurse. ive resucitated ppl before.

17. If Lexa wasn’t Heda, but she was still alive, then who would have made the best commander? dont kill me, but definitely luna. i know she didnt want it, but she wouldve been the best fit.

18. How would you act if you ate the hallucinogenic nuts like Jasper and Monty? probably cry all night or get super giggly. either or.

19. How would you have dealt with Charlotte’s crime? A more John Murphy approach or Bellamy Blake approach? i dont believe in the dead penalty in modern times, but like she was old enough to know killing people aint right. especially not for revenge on an innocent person. so i say the murphy method.

20. Who should have been the Chancellor, if anyone? they shouldnt have one person in charge, but if they have to, i’d say clarke. fuck them old ppl tbh.

21. Would you have been on Pike’s side like Bellamy or on Kane’s side? Or Clarke in Polis? i think bellamy went through some personal stuff that made him side with pike. if i were in the situation myself i think i would be digusted by pike’s xenophobia, but if they said there was an army outside waiting to kill us. maybe i would buy it? idk. depends on if i have all the info i guess.

22. Mount Weather had a lot of modern commodities. (example: Maya’s iPod) What is the one thing you would snatch while there? MUSIC PLAYER

23. What would your Grounder tattoos look like? Hairstyle? War paint? war paint on my lips!!! and i’d wing the shit out of my eyes too. as for a hairstyle probably like a lob, sides braided back. i dont like my hair up so mostly just keep it down. tattoos? idk if we’re all dying anyway, i’d say fuck it and do a whole sleeve of flowers.

24. Favorite quote? can i be a soft bellarke bitch for a sec and present clarke’s entire speech in 4x13 or ‘if i’m on that list, you’re on that list’. that or “who we are, and who we need to be to survive are very different things”

25. If all of the characters were in the Hunger Games, who would have the best shot at winning? clarke or murphy. team cockroach bitch. is this the time i plug my own thg fics? 

26. Least favorite ship? Favorite canon ship? Favorite non-canon ship? NOT INCLUDING CL OR BC OR BE

if i cant say bellarke its gonna be a short list. canon? zaven and memori. non-canon: sea mechanic, wellven, murphamy. 

27. A song that should be included in the next season? If there had to be another guest star like Shawn Mendes on the show, who would you want to make a cameo? BIG DREAM would be taylor swift but i dont think her current era fits with the show (plus its the cw....like they gonna give up half of their yearly budget for a three sec cameo?). i think aly & aj’s new music slaps and they’d fit in the whole new earth aesthetic. 

28. What would you do if you were stuck in the bunker with Murphy for all that time? write blarke fanfic with him probably. 

29. You’re an extra that gets killed off. How do you die? i’d wanna die protecting bellamy lmao. just a full on beheading or something.

30. A character you’d like to learn more about and get flashbacks of? literally no one. they’re a season too late. ok. maybe shaw. but thats over now i guess :/

31. A character you’d bang? bellamy, clarke, raven, shaw, emori, harper, monty, wells, diyoza. its a cw show. come on.

32. Would you stay in the Bunker? Go up to Space? Or live on your own in Eden?  if i was on the show i’d go up in space to prevent becho. if you have me the choice now, i’d stay in eden.

33. In the Bunker, would you follow Octavia? What would you do to pass the time underground?  i’d definitely not eat human meat. death it is i think.

34. What crime would you commit in the Bunker that lands you in the fighting pits? tryna murder blodreina for making me eat humans.

35. Up in Space, who would you bond with first? Who would be the most difficult for you to get along with? i’d bond with monty over biology i think. i would have a hard time getting a long with murphy or echo. i love the first as a character but irl i’d kick his ass. 

36. How long do you think you would last on Earth by yourself? if i have eden? as long as i have until the next apocalypse.

37. When the Eligius ship lands what do you do? try and blow them up while they sleep or sumn? or idk. if i was alone, maybe just better to make friends.

38. Favorite Eligius character? Least favorite? diyoza+, mccreary-.

39. Would you Spacewalk? i would probably? i’d be terrified but what a way to go?

40. Would you prefer to eat Windshield Bugs, Space Algae, or Bunker Meat? ive accidentally gotten bugs in my mouth before and like i said im not eating humans, so -- space algae.

41. Would you start a war for the last spot of green on earth? What would your solution be to avoid it? war didn’t help anyone. in the end, no one got to live on earth. i’d try and compromise i guess. or once they trust me, try and kill the eligius ppl in their sleep anyway.

42. Would you rather dig out flesh-eating worms or stick thumb drives into bullet holes? stick the thumb drives into bullet holes. i have fear of ‘alive’ things being in or on the human body. 

43. Are you willing to poison your sister for the Traitor Who You Love? What would you do to stop Octavia? for clarke? yeah. if she was as loco as octavia, definitely. or i’d kidnap her and say she killed me.

44. Would you go to sleep in cryo or stay awake like Marper? sleep, definitely.

45. Who are you waking up first to explore the new planet? bellamy, clarke, raven, emori, shaw, murphy, jordan and since somebody usually dies on these explorations, i’d allow echo to come.

[lameblake]

The 100 Ask Game

I was tagged by @foreverandalwayscrysis​ ♥

1. What Station on the Ark would you be from?  Go-Sci because of the political aspect? Or maybe Agro because I could grow stuff and be very Monty-minded? 

2. What would you get arrested for on the Ark? Either protesting poor treatment or making a clumsy mistake and wasting a ton of oxygen or something idk

3. Would you take off your wristband when you landed on the ground? I wouldn’t want to, but s1 Bellamy would scare the hell out of me, so I probably would despite myself

4. What would the necklace Finn would make for you look like? (Clarke: deer/Raven: a raven duh..) An elephant

5. If you could resurrect any MINOR character who would it be? Wells for sure 6. Create a squad of 5 characters to go on missions with. Who are they? Bellamy, Clarke, Indra, Murphy, Emori

7. What Grounder Clan would you belong to? Floukru, Louwoda Klion Kru, or Trikru 

8. What would your name be in Trigedasleng? Alinya, maybe they’d pronounce the last syllable like ‘ya’ instead of ‘ea’ too?

9. Thoughts on Finn? Some people hate him, and others love him, so I’m curious. BAD HAIR.

10. Be honest. How willing would you have been to take the chip without knowing all the horrible things it does? I would do it to save people.

11. What character do you relate to most? Clarke; my love

12. What character do you like the least? Echo...sorry, not sorry. Really been struggling with Abby and Kane in s5 too....

13. Describe your delinquent outfit. (Would you wear something like Murphy’s jacket with the spikey red shoulder patch or have a trademark like Jasper’s goggles? Be creative, yet practical)  I think I’d have a signature beanie tbh and a jacket that made me look badass and skinny jeans (idc if thats not practical)

14. Favorite type of mutant animal? The butterflies!

15. What would your job be on the Ark? Researcher

16. Would you have willingly pumped Ontari’s heart if Abby asked? I’d see if anyone else could do it, like....I’d make sure I was the ONLY option, but I’d do it....unfortunately

17. If Lexa wasn’t Heda, but she was still alive, then who would have made the best commander? Clarke or Indra

18. How would you act if you ate the hallucinogenic nuts like Jasper and Monty?  I’d get even more quiet than usual. I’d just sit and stare at nothing

19. How would you have dealt with Charlotte’s crime? A more John Murphy approach or Bellamy Blake approach?  Bellamy’s approach, definitely

20. Who should have been the Chancellor, if anyone?  Diyoza (jk) no one

21. Would you have been on Pike’s side like Bellamy or on Kane’s side? Or Clarke in Polis?  Kane’s

22. Mount Weather had a lot of modern commodities. (example: Maya’s iPod) What is the one thing you would snatch while there?  Is laptop an option? id at least like to use it for typing

23. What would your Grounder tattoos look like? Hairstyle? War paint?  I’d have delicate tattoos up and down my arms, intense eye makeup and long hair with braids

24. Favorite quote?  “Screw fear, I’m telling my own damn story.”

25. If all of the characters were in the Hunger Games, who would have the best shot at winning?  Any grounder tbh, but Bellamy, Clarke, or Diyoza could have a shot

26. Least favorite ship? Favorite canon ship? Favorite non-canon ship? NOT INCLUDING CL OR BC OR BE

Favorite canon ship: Memori  Least favorite canon ship besides Becho: Linctavia? I can’t get over how he kidnapped her?? Favorite non-canon ship: Murven 

27. A song that should be included in the next season? If there had to be another guest star like Shawn Mendes on the show, who would you want to make a cameo?  I don’t know about song (im overwhelmed with options), but it would be fun if someone from teen wolf made a cameo as someone on sanctum (because jr)

28. What would you do if you were stuck in the bunker with Murphy for all that time?  Same as him.

29. You’re an extra that gets killed off. How do you die?  I go out a hero, trying (hopefully succeeding) to save others

30. A character you’d like to learn more about and get flashbacks of?  Diyoza, Jordan, Emori

31. A character you’d bang?  All of them....oops.

32. Would you stay in the Bunker? Go up to Space? Or live on your own in Eden? I’d live on the ring

33. In the Bunker, would you follow Octavia? What would you do to pass the time underground?  I would because I had no other options, but also I might feel like I owed it to her for saving us. I would keep my head down and try to get work done.

34. What crime would you commit in the Bunker that lands you in the fighting pits?  Rejecting something cruel and unusual that Octavia decreed.

35. Up in Space, who would you bond with first? Who would be the most difficult for you to get along with?  Realistically, I’d bond with Harper first, then Monty by association, then Bellamy - I’d seperately bond with Emori and idk how I’d fare with the other three honestly

36. How long do you think you would last on Earth by yourself? Years, honestly. I’m practically a hermit anyway.

37. When the Eligius ship lands what do you do?  Pretend no one’s home

38. Favorite Eligius character? Least favorite?  Love: Diyoza || Hate: McCreary

39. Would you Spacewalk?  If it wouldn’t break the rules

40. Would you prefer to eat Windshield Bugs, Space Algae, or Bunker Meat?  Algae (im laughing so hard at ‘bunker meat’)

41. Would you start a war for the last spot of green on earth? What would your solution be to avoid it?  Lol no. I’d employ people smarter than me to figure it out

42. Would you rather dig out flesh-eating worms or stick thumb drives into bullet holes?  Ugh...the bullet holes one...begrudgingly

43. Are you willing to poison your sister for the Traitor Who You Love? What would you do to stop Octavia? Yeah. I’d do that

44. Would you go to sleep in cryo or stay awake like Marper?  I would be in cryosleep as long as possible, babey

45. Who are you waking up first to explore the new planet?  Bellamy and Clarke--thats it

Do you want to do this? You’re tagged!

[thearcanaqueeniewrites]

Homeless

✨Queenie x Lucio✨

Queenie was sitting in her favorite chair, sipping a cup of chamomile tea. Asra had left to go see his parents, and though she missed him, his absence wasn’t as heartbreaking as usual. She was just about to pick up a new book she’d borrowed from Julian when there was a loud knock at the door. She sighed, wishing she could avoid company, but got up nonetheless. She gasped at the person standing on the other side.

“Lucio?”

He smiled awkwardly, something she’d never seen him do. “Surprise..?”

“What are you doing here? Go away!” Queenie waved her hand as if he were a bird she could shoo away.

He stepped closer. “I’m quite embarrassed, love, which is a feeling I’m not familiar with. I couldn’t think of anywhere else to go.”

“Well, think harder.”

“Queenie, Nadia’s kicked me out of the palace, rightfully so. If my enemy tried to get help from the devil like I did, I’d hang them myself. Well, not myself-myself. And not a hanging per se, I find those quite disturbing-“

“Get to the point!”

He looked at her with wide eyes and shock. “Such manners! Well, anyway, due to the fact that Nadia’s now the ruler of the city, and I’m, you know, not, I’m afraid I have nowhere to live.”

Queenie stared at him in confusion for a few seconds before bursting into laughter. “Ha! What a sight, the count... homeless!”

He rolled his eyes, but a small smile could be spotted on his lips. “Yes, let everyone on the streets of Vesuvia know!”

“Right. So what do you want from me?”

“I was wondering if you’d might consider letting me stay with you for a few days? Just until the next ship to... well, anywhere really, arrives.”

She stopped laughing. “Why, heavens no.”

“Queenie-“

“Not a chance. You tried to steal my body, Lucio!”

“But did you die?”

“Lucio!”

He sighed. “I know, I’m sorry. And I understand if you won’t take me in... but I’d be grateful if you did.”

Queenie stared him down.

“Please?”

“Fine,” she said, rolling her eyes.

He laughed in triumph, picking her up off the ground and spinning her around. She laughed along with him, but she’d never admit it had anything to do with seeing him happy.

“Thank you, Queenie,” he mused as he set her down.

She furrowed her eyebrows. “Thank you? Who are you, really?”

Without another word, he pushed past her and made his way into the shop. He stopped in the first room, sniffing.

“What is that smell?”

“...Tea.”

He smirked. “Wonderful. May I have some?”

“You may go into the kitchen and make some for yourself.”

“Ah, of course. I might have some later, then.”

“Okay by me,” Queenie headed back into the living room, sat down in her chair, and opened the book.

Lucio followed her, taking a seat on the floor in front of her. Despite his penetrating gaze, Queenie managed to ignore him completely. She found it amusing when he was restless and offended.

After about ten minutes, he started whining.

“Queeeeenie... humor me.”

“Mhm,” she mumbled, not bothering to look up.

He understood that he’d never get her attention this way, and he wanted that more than he’d ever wanted anything. He sat on his knees and leaned forward, pushing her book down into her lap with a gentle hand. He then rested his fingers under her chin, leveling their heads. Queenie still seemed unbothered, which made him even more determined.

“Humor me.”

“With what?”

Lucio bit his lip and turned on his best smirk. “A dance?”

“No.”

“Hmm... sparring?”

She seemed to consider this for a few moments but then resumed being bored. “No.”

“Fine. A walk?”

“I’ll agree to that, if you let me read when we get back home.”

“Deal. But as for tonight, I can’t promise anything...”

She blinked a few times, and he shrunk under her gaze. “Oh, believe me, you do not want to go there.”

“Okay...” was his only answer.

They headed out for a walk, which Lucio insisted he should guide. He led her to a large field, much to her surprise. She’d been expecting an arena, or an armory, but he said he wanted to show her the flowers.

“White roses grow here, my favorite.”

“Why do you like them?”

He shrugged. “Their purity, I suppose. White roses are simple, yet elegant, and they’ve done no harm to the world. I’d say I love them, even.”

She stared at him, baffled, as he stared right back.

Next, he led her to the docks. They climbed up to a rooftop and watched the buzzing city. It was already dark out, and several lights were lit.

They were both quiet, a first for Lucio, Queenie thought. But as expected, he broke the silence shortly after.

“We used to know each other.”

“Oh?”

“Yes, we... got along well.”

“Oh, for the sake of-“

“No! Not like that. I cared for you, but it never got to that. I felt obligated to Nadia. We never even discussed any of it.”

“Thank The Star.”

“Rude... but of course, you don’t remember any of that, which is my fault. I was the cause of the plague, the one that killed you.”

“I know. What other plague is there?”

“I just wish you could remember. I know the people hate me, but I wasn’t only bad. Did you know I actually lowered the taxes quite a bit? And that I forbade abuse of any kind? Well, except for the fighting that went down in the arena. I also-“

“Stop. Nothing you say can justify what you’ve done, Lucio.”

He gasped, not in surprise, no, but in pain. He felt as if though he’d been stabbed, but worse than that. And he would know.

After a few moments, he whispered. “You used to call me Montag. Not Monty, no, just Montag. We were friends. I miss that version of myself, the one I was with you.”

“Montag... you hated that name,” Queenie said, ignoring the sudden pain in her temple.

“Yes, yes I did. That’s why you used it, you knew it got me riled up.”

“Hmm, I like Lucio better now. It’s closer to Lucifer, which I find fitting.”

He laughed. “Fitting it is.”

“It’s funny, you pretend to be so snobby, and self-absorbed, and spoiled, which, to a certain degree, you are. But there’s more, isn’t there? You’re not only those things. You had a reason for coming back, something important, and you hid behind a lie, didn’t you? Everyone just assumed you were being selfish, so it was easy to let them think that. Tell me, what was worth stealing my body?”

“Protecting you, in the long run, that is. And Noddy. And making sure you both get your memories back. And, like, ten percent being a selfish bastard.”

“That’s what I thought.”

“Will you ever forgive me?” 

“I don’t know, Lucio. But I’ll try, I promise I’ll try.”

[moony-clo]

Summary: This takes place when Clarke is going into cryo feeling a lot of feels after everything that’s happened and with Madi’s question (”do you think we’ll dream?”) floating around in her head… this is just the beginning of what’s become of that. This is what our princess dreams of.

A/N: This thought has been in my head since the moment they went into cryo. This was one of those things that I just needed to happen. Since it seems like dreams are the only way for me to get my fill, here we are. This is Bellarke central, heartache-y feels throughout, sad feels, and love.

As she lies down and closes her eyes… I can feel the sun on my face. I see trees all around me, I smell scented wildflowers on a breeze. It’s so beautiful here in our little Eden. At this moment I’m not stranded in space. I am with Madi in OUR valley collecting berries. This is peace, this is what I crave for. Just my little one and I. It’s been six years of this, figuring it all out together just us two. Hoping that the others that I love are safe and protected. Though still having a little puddle of worry constantly swirled up in my stomach for them. Calling Bellamy every day on this damned radio that I’m not even sure works. Nevertheless, every day I find myself hoping that it does just as much as the day before and every day I try to keep going on despite it all. I needed them to know that I was here in this little patch of green… I needed them to know that they could come home… that he could come home.

Six years have come and gone. Now once again a nuclear apocalypse has killed everyone on earth, leaving the planet simmering in radiation.  Less surprising this time around, there are survivors. However… there is no more Bunkerkru, nor Spacekru, nor Eligiuskru, no more just momma bear and her cub. There is now only a new and improved Wonkru, this time with my Madi as our heda. We are all off of our earth now and on the Eligius ship. Monty has told us that the earth will need another sixty plus years to become survivable. This time though, we’ll get to see it again. The Eligius ship has a cryo chamber that will fit ALL of us. We’ll get to go back to the ground… I can hardly believe it, we’ll get to go back to our home.

For now, though…. this is our reality.

(the cryo chamber closes)

The weirdest feeling fell over Clarke, it was like a dark fog was being lifted from her vision. Like slowly waking up from a really deep sleep. Her vision blurry she started rubbing her eyes…

Looking around she sees that they’re back on the bridge. Clarke, Madi, Bellamy, Raven, Zeke, Monty, Harper, Emori, Murphy, and Echo all circled around the window seeing what’s become of their Earth. There was nothing but fire to be seen. Not even their poor tiny Eden could be spotted.

They couldn’t help finding themselves already missing the Earth that most had only known for a short while. They had waited so long to smell the fresh air….to feel the solid ground beneath their feet. It had all come and gone too soon.

Clarke moved up to the window. Where she froze with complete despair flooding every ounce of her… After a moment of trying to take it all in, she shook herself back to reality, slowly thawed, and turned to her “friends”. She took a moment to really looked at all of them for the first time in all these years. Despite the heartache that was slowly filling the empty spots in her chest, she couldn’t deny the fact that she had missed them all so so much.  Her cheeks felt hot from the tears that had started streaming down her face. Her breathing felt shallow in her chest.

She couldn’t help wondering if this group of people that she had never stopped loving still thought of themselves as even her friends. Because regardless of everything that had happened, to her they were still her family. That was always how she felt about them, that was a fact that would never change for her at least. That being said, she couldn’t shake the thought that they no longer felt anything for her… It felt like only ghosts of past feelings were felt here.

I feel like I’ve died, came back and no one’s happy that I’m not dead…

While for six whole years she had nothing but hope when thinking of them. She never once let herself believe that they hadn’t made it… she hadn’t been able to bear the thought that she had failed them. She needed to believe that they were up there safe and sound on the Ark… Looking down on her little patch of green. That her daily calls were being heard by him. Even though she had gone all those years hearing nothing… her hope for them never wavered. It’s what kept her alive all this time.

They’re a different story though. They had mourned her death. They all seemed to have moved on from her…

That had to be what hurt her more the most. An overwhelming urge to scream at all of them had overcome her.

I’m still here….I’m right here…and they’re all treating me like I’m a fucking ghost or something…

Their distance made her heart break into a million pieces… How could they have given up on her? She had always made it… no matter what the situation. There was always a lever.

Madi stepped forward and reached up to take Clarke’s face into her hands so she could wipe away the tears there. Forever her little comfort, Clarke managed to produce a small smile for her little cub.

Madi’s voice was no more than a whisper when she finally spoke, “oh my sweet momma bear… what’s wrong? why are you crying?” Clarke’s heart felt like it officially caved in at that. Her whole body started shaking…every blood vessel overwhelmed by all the emotions she was feeling.

“This was all my fault… I let all of you down”, her throat felt raw while she spoke. “I tried so hard to do the right thing I really did… I’m so sorry. I wanted to protect all of you, you must know that. That’s all that I’ve ever wanted… things just got so messed up and I lost myself along the way. This has all been so… I mean we went six years with just us two, a radio, and hope.”

It felt like she couldn’t catch her breath. Feeling a little dizzy she took a moment to try and collect herself.  Madi moved to hold onto Clarke’s arm, putting herself kind of in front of her momma bear like she was guarding her. Clarke couldn’t help smiling down at her fearless little protector.

The roles should really be reversed here…

Gripping Madi’s hand she felt still again. When she finally got the courage to look back up they were all staring at her, sullen expressions on their faces.

“I knew that I was going to be too late. I couldn’t get the stupid freaking thing to move… and god I could see the fire coming. It had to have been the most terrifying thing that I’ve ever seen… Once I finally made it back I swear I laid there for days in the worst pain and the only thing that got me through was the hope that I had that you all had made it. That you were all safe and that …that this time I hadn’t failed.”

Clarke shifted her gaze to Bellamy. “When I finally made it out I found this radio and I called you every day since trying to get through to let you know that I had made it… and then once it was okay again, to let you know that you could come back home… A total of  2,199 days of nothing but hope. When you all seemed to have moved on…”

She couldn’t help noticing Echo uncomfortably shuffling around in the corner. To be honest, she wasn’t even trying to be coldhearted to the girl here. At this point, she just couldn’t be bothered to care. Let us not pretend that the girl had ever offered her any kindness or sympathy anyways. This had all been held in too damn long.

” Did you ever even hear me? The only thing that got me through all of this awful shit and kept me semi-sane was talking to you every day. Believing you were there like you always were. That you had made it and…”

Bellamy seemed unable to look up, his eyes looked like they were glued to the floor. But Clarke was determined to say her peace and more than ever she needed to know that he’s paying attention to everything that she was about to say.  She slowly moved towards him and softly held his face in her hands, guiding his eyes back to her.

“and that you would make it back to me…”

Bellamy seemed to be fading away before her eyes, panic filled Clarke. He still felt solid in her hands even though he’d started to look like a ghost.

She turned to look at the others, but they had all gone. She didn’t even hear them leave… When she looked back at Bell her heart was beating so hard it felt like it was going to burst out of her chest.

This can’t be happening…

“No no no wait, please Bell… I’m sorry it’s taken me so long to say this out loud, but I need you to know” She put her head on his chest, it felt like they were holding onto each other for dear life. Neither one able to bear the thought of losing one another again.

“I love you, Bellamy. I think I’ve always known that and I’m so sorry it’s taken me so long… But I do, I love you so much Bell and I can’t lose you, not again. I won’t.” She nuzzled her face into his chest as she held onto him, tears still streaming down her face. “You mean so much to me. You’re my heart Bellamy, I’ve felt so lost without you.”

Bellamy squeezed her tighter and kissed her forehead. She couldn’t shake the feeling… this felt all too much like goodbye.

“I know Princess…me too…I love you too.”

Just like that, she was holding onto nothing but air.

Bellamy was gone.

No no no no… This cannot be happening. Not again…

She saw him disappear, still, she found herself spinning around searching for them. For him. Please let this be some sick joke. She can’t bear to lose them all again. Especially not him… For six years it’s felt like such a big part of her hearts been missing and she’s been left with only a little piece, the perfect size for Madi.

oh god, wait where’s Madi??

No… they’re all gone. Filled with panic, her chest was so heavy… she felt herself falling into the shadows… a black hole was swallowing her up.

They’re all gone. I can’t do this again…I can’t.

Collapsing to the floor her breath felt like it was impossible to get out. Her tears trying their best to drown her… and just like that, she’s all alone once again.

“I’m so sorry… please, you all have to know that. I’m so sorry for everything that’s happened, for all of it. Please please forgive me…”

As she curled up in a ball on the floor doing everything she could to hold herself together. Her vision blurring, she felt a dark fog once again rolling over her. This time she welcomed it with open arms.

“May we meet again…” she whispered.

A/N: My heart hurts with this one... I feel like Clarke’s gotten screwed over time and time again and I couldn’t shake this idea as a nightmare she’d have while in cryo. The idea for this made me feel so inspired and I couldn’t resist writing about it. Usually, my work stays with me but my lovely friend inspired me to share instead. With that said, this is in honor of my Supernatural sister @ladywinchester1967 on tumblr ♡ Her wonderful fics inspired me to write one of my own! --  This is my first fic ever so please be gentle lol ♡ Any thoughts/comments/reblogs would be greatly appreciated! ♡