kingofthering · 6 months ago
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Read @flyingfabio's thoughts on her weekend in Le Mans and realized it could be nice for me to give mine as well. Also going to go under a read more for the sanity of everyone's dash.
context/overall things
This was my second MotoGP race weekend and my second time in Le Mans. Last year I went alone with a grandstand ticket (Zarco GS) that I bought in January kind of an on a whim. In October I had access to the presales for 2024 and I got two VIP tickets (Club Grand Prix to be exact), one of which I gifted to my dad for Christmas.
These were a hefty price (650 euros) and if I were to do it again, I would go for one of the other VIP ticket packages (probably Sunday lodge/box [can't find the right translation but the things above the garages] for 500 euros). I do realize that it's a lot of money but I'm in a place in my life where I can save money every month and afford to splurge on things like this occasionally, so, yeah. And I think that overall, the experience was worth it.
This was my first time being alone with my dad and traveling with him for 4 days. I love my dad but he's had a lot of health issues in the past years and he's done a lot of work to be better physically but he's still a little diminished now and can't walk as fast as I can and needs to take breaks every now and then. I will admit that this wasn't always easy to manage because of my excitement and my lack of patience at times but we had a good time overall. I was also stressed because I needed things to go well and I didn't sleep much (and didn't eat much because of the stress) so my dad ended up having to take care of me on Saturday night but we both survived in the end.
I will say, even if you have a GS ticket or even a GA one, a weekend in Le Mans has so much to offer that I think people should really attend if they have the chance to. In addition to the usual MotoGP/Moto2/Moto3, you also get MotoE and the Rookies Cup which means that there is always something happening on track (pretty much). The fanzone events with the riders are really nice (I didn't attend this year but I had a really good time in 2023) and the Mechanical Show on Saturday is pretty cool as well.
One thing that I will also always give to Le Mans is the access to the circuit. You have the tramway (that runs through the whole city) arriving 150 meters away from the East gate of the circuit. There are a lot of people riding the trams but it was okay, I even found the organization of Sunday afternoon pretty great (while I was stressed of being too late at the train station and I sure wasn't).
The sound of the bikes at the start might be my new favorite thing in the world. I will say, please if you come to a race weekend, have stuff to protect your ears (earplugs or headphones), you will need them (they do sell them at the track if you forget).
I knew from Thursday already that we were going to break the attendance record. The number of people on track on Thursday and Friday already were insane. Le Mans has always been a popular GP (duh, it was holding the attendance record already) but Wednesday and Thursday being holidays in France (and a lot of people not working on Friday as a consequence) definitely helped.
VIP things
Access to the stands' building : This was my favorite thing in the ticket. I could have done with just that (and the paddock visit). This building is the one right above the garages so you got the pit lane on one side (and a lot of seats you sit in in the 4th floor to overlook the circuit, the pit lane, the podium) and the paddock on the other side. You essentially get to watch things happening in the paddock and people working there and it's so interesting. When you're on the 1st floor, you have gates that riders come up to sometimes to interact with fans. This was quite eye-opening to me on how much riders interact with fans throughout the weekend (and that we don't get to see when we're at home). The one that I saw interacting the most with fans throughout my days there was definitely Marc (he's so loved but he gives so much back honestly). On the 2nd floor you had the media room where they do their rounds of media and if you were there at the right time, you could interact with the riders when they were going up or down from media center. Most of them stopped from autographs and photos all the times I was there (Thursday afternoon for the press conferences, Friday afternoon after PR, Saturday afternoon after the sprint).
Paddock tour/visit : maybe my favorite part that I want to replicate so badly. I had to pick a time among offered slots and I chose the 10:30-13:00 on Friday because I didn't want to be missing any important sessions. You're basically free to roam the paddock as you want during your time slot and I saw so many familiar faces, it was insane, even non-riders like Massimo Rivola or Jack Appleyard (from the MotoGP broadcast). The first rider I talked to was Cele and at first I wasn't sure I had recognized him and I didn't want to run so I walked fast to get him before he went into the VR46 motorhome and god, I was so awkward at first (sorry Cele) and he couldn't hear me well because the MotoGP bikes were doing FP1 at the time but I did ask him about his collarbone (and he said he was fine) and told him I was hoping we could see him back soon. He seemed shy as well but very sweet. I also got to talk to (and take photos with) Fermin, Manuel (Gonzalez) and David Alonso. After my brain remembered how to speak Spanish I congratulated David for his best rookie title last season and told him I was betting on him for this season (and wishing him luck). He was really sweet as well. On the MotoGP side, I waited an hour in front of Yamaha's side to see Fabio (also got to see Rinsy first) and well, I did see Fabio from very up close but things were very chaotic and people behind were pushing and that wasn't exactly fun but, well. In the meantime, my dad got to talk to Bezz and he told me he seemed like a very nice and funny guy (more on that story here) and I will say I got a little jealous of that. Overall a really cool experience.
Pit lane visit : I thought we couldn't do it at the supposed time and in the end, we were able to enter the pit lane around 11:40, after quali. Honestly, seeing the bikes from up close like this is so cool. Like, shit, they're so pretty it's insane. Also, I feel like the garages look much bigger on TV? It was quite cool to see. I saw Mav coming back to his garage and start his debrief with his team. Also saw Bezz in his box and I saw Mig, who I didn't get to talk to but love even more now anyway. After about 10-15 minutes we had to leave so that was quite short but cool anyway. I know they did a pit lane visit open to everyone on Thursday but there were so many people, it seemed a little scary (but probably worth it if you're ready to queue early and throw some elbows around if needed).
Club Grand Prix access : the box was on the main straight. It was quite comfortable and I will say that the access to easy bathroom and free drinks was quite nice. I didn't eat much because of the state of my stomach but people were complimenting the food. Oh and having screens in there was quite practical. As I said earlier, it's not the ticket I would book again. I was a little frustrated by the fact we were not in the open air and it took away from the race experience for me. (Still amazing for a lot of people and my dad really appreciated the comfort but I know I personally would have been better in the stands' building.)
My experience is subjective because of the times I was there but like I said before, I saw a lot of Marc taking time for fans (one time he couldn't go up to a little kid but he sent JL to give him a slider), saw Maverick a bunch of times as well, Rinsy too. I heard people say that Johann was also taking a lot of time for the fans. I saw Jack give his cap (fully unprompted) to a little kid on Saturday on his way down from media. The only time I saw Pedro he didn't have time for the fans and most people I've heard were saying that he never seemed to really be engaging with people (but I talked with a guy who fully understood it as "it can't be easy for him getting all that attention all of a sudden"). He sure got a lot of appreciation from the public in the stands, though. Bezz spent a lot of time to sign everybody's stuff on Saturday. Alex (Marquez) was the last one to go to media and I asked him for a photo right before he got in for a media and he said "two minutes" and came back 10 minutes later and immediately came to me for the photo and was super sweet about it. I already had a good experience with Alex last year and I was really happy to have another one this year as well.
the racing
I will say, I definitely need to watch the sprint and the race calmly because I'm so confused about what happened when. Like obviously I remember the last lap battle between Marc & Pecco and I remember Pecco's retirement in the sprint (even filmed him coming back to the pits) but hm, yeah, things are a big mess in my head. Moto2 was eh (filmed Tony getting to his box and being not so happy when talking to his team) and Moto3 was pretty entertaining.
People were so happy with Fabio got directly to Q2 and I was as well. Quali was fun to watch as well. I'm just sad I didn't get to see practice starts in front of me but the real starts were cool too.
We see them on TV but the sheer amount of people that are on the grid before races is insane. And the way everyone immediately starts running from the pits when the guys leave for the sighting lap? So impressive to watch. I honestly could have spent my weekend watching teams work, it was so interesting to me.
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lovesodeepandwideandwell · 28 days ago
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ok this is a deeply deeply weird manifesto and i'm sorry but i feel suddenly very burdened to say it so. if you felt like we were friends and i unfollowed you, this is for you. (don't be scared this is not about problems with anyone this is just my mess. that I think is ok to have which is why I'm talking about it)
so I joined tumblr in 2020 when a) the world was isolated b) I had just moved to a new city and was living alone taking Zoom classes in my apartment. what started as a mindless distraction became such a lifeline of connection and friendship! and still such a support as things started to open back up and get busier in 2021, when I was teaching and in class in person but still struggling for close in-person friendships. I know the group dynamic on here has shifted a number of times, as some of you probably experienced from various vantage points. my use of tumblr has shifted too, on and off, as I've needed different things out of it and been in different spiritual and emotional states. and I've kind of come to realize that I probably threw myself in too eagerly in some ways. it was so exciting to have actual friends on here and for them to actually turn into friends in person, that honestly I maybe prized that dynamic too much for what it symbolized over actually valuing the people. I'm sorry for doing that.
anyway, that worked fine for a bit, but as (glory be to God) I've become much more plugged into my in-person community in the last couple years, I've felt more and more emotionally strained. I've taken up a new attitude towards my family that's much more in line with God, but also much more draining as it means I have to just pour out in prayer and love and wait with patient sorrow over some things rather than fighting and defending my perspective as always right and necessary; and then there's the church-related grief my family has gone through over the last year. I've had a very delicate and difficult friendship that pulled up a lot of unresolved stuff from a college situation and felt endlessly wearying at times. I've had another issue from college recur in a way I thought had been healthily resolved years ago. I've had this whole roommate marriage situation that as y'all know is a very weird trial and pressure. My church has been dealing with a strange and tough ongoing struggle that was already stressing me out before I started working there. My small group has been amazing and I've loved connecting with and relying on them more, but that connection also means more fully bearing the griefs of a lot of different people dealing with the different struggles of life. My advisor situation has been so weird and tough, making my academic work really hard, and then this recent church work has been fulfilling but physically and often mentally exhausting. My future location, work, and community is up in the air after a few years of stability. (I really didn't mean to make this a recitation of my woes, but honestly it's really helpful to see it all written out here; helps explain my deep deep exhaustion, I guess.)
If I ever followed you on tumblr, I love you. In a number of different ways. I feel fondness at the thought of you and at your presence; I want to know you more fully; I desire the good for you; and I find my well-being to be, at least a little bit, tied up with yours. That last one is the rub. As I'm sorting through all the callings and duties in my life, trying to identify what counts as changing my tires versus what wears my tires out, I've found that my tumblr dashboard can switch back and forth very unpredictably between one thing and the other. Often it's a delight to come on here and find my friends and the cool things we're showing each other and the joys and sorrows and goofy moments of our lives! But at other times, when what I desperately need is an escape and rest and humor to provide solace from in-person cares, I find myself pricked all over again by the sorrow of the world and the stress of sin--or even just irritated by stuff I find irrelevant or disagree with or don't want to be reminded of.
To be clear, I'm not saying anyone's doing anything wrong on here. The opposite; I love the freedom y'all have to seek out what helps you, whether that's a lot of facts and ideas or a lot of goofy content or recipes or weird TV or music or venting about life or seeking prayer or advice! We all have the freedom and responsibility to determine how to use the tools we have to aid us in pursuing the good, whether the good is a quick laugh or building up virtue. But I think for me, at this point in my life, my duty and calling has swung back towards my in-person connections in a variety of ways, and I have to honor that.
The lie of infinity that the internet offers is just that--a lie. for me, that lie right now is being laid bare in my inability to have infinite care for everyone whose path I cross. I could follow everyone on here whom I'm endeared to, could keep messaging and replying and building relationships, but it would be a lie to think I can offer that love and care to everyone I would like to. In-person friendships are limited by physical proximity and time; online friendships can't be unlimited either. I need to apologize for acting as though they could be, and committing myself beyond my limits; but also, my life has really changed, and I'm not going to be caught either by the lie that online is only worthwhile if it's permanent.
I want to be clear that I value the connections I've had with you. I've loved exchanging mail and phone calls, messaging fun things back and forth, being online at the same time or learning about your day after the fact. Please know, also, that I have gone to war in prayer for you, and I continue to do so. I wish that I knew how to love widely without feeling pulled apart and worn down, by difference and sorrow and sin (mine and yours). I hope God is sanctifying me toward that end. But right now I'm fairly convinced I need to honor my calling to in-person friendships; I need to protect my mind and heart from even little pricks and distractions, so that I can keep my desires in order and use my energy for prayer and Scripture and to do good work and love the people God's made my physical neighbors. I really do love you, and I wish we had infinite time to talk and think together. I'm so excited to be with y'all in heaven forever. And who knows--maybe my life will shift yet again (it's looking likely) and I'll have a ton of spare energy and love and will come sheepishly back looking to connect with you again. We'll see. You deserve love and attention and connection, in person and online, and I'm sorry that--at least as it feels to me--I held out the promise of giving you that and then had to withdraw it.
so. there's all that. My dash is super quiet these days, thwarting my dopamine search but pushing me towards texting friends, towards meditating more fully on Scripture, towards praying over my work and burdens. I hope you can understand and maybe even be glad that, God willing, this is how I'm able and needing to work for the kingdom right now. love you love you
#wow! that was crazy!!!! at least this is the neurotic overthinking website#so i hope you can not neurotically overthink what you did to make me unfollow you. and instead rest in our mutual finitude#the other day i had the experience of clarifying with a friend that i'm her best friend but she's not mine. in almost so many words.#(she asked who i'm closest to and i named a couple people here and away. then i asked her and she named a couple people and me)#she got teary but didn't have an anxiety meltdown which is huge progress for her! and we kind of acknowledged the difficulty and moved on#and kept hanging out and texting and loving each other#super weird experience but kind of like a lightning bolt of realizing things i've been intending for a while#we have to give each other the dignity of making choices even when the choices aren't each other. on a social level#we have a higher calling! all of us do! it sucks when the social stuff gets weird but we shouldn't let the weirdness distract from the call#and frankly once you start choosing the call over the world then the world's structures stop being at all compelling#for a neutral tool tumblr can be quite amazingly powerful for the Lord#but it is of the world and runs on some lies and i've hit a breaking point where i needed to confront those lies before i kept going#anyway. the point is. I LOVE YOU. and God has told me I have more urgent loves right now.#what an insane post to be making !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#oh wait edit to add! just to be clear i'm not trying to say don't message/reply/send stuff to me!#if i have to set a boundary i will but things are fine. just needing to reduce the dashboard noise#i highly recommend setting online boundaries btw. it's so much easier than stewing and stressing and wondering if blocking is justified#to just message someone and say ''hey you're doing nothing wrong but this way of interacting bugs me so please stop''#(which i've done only to followers never to people i follow. yet.)
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sleepynoons · 2 months ago
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Unconditional
Were you worthy of someone as irreplaceable as him?
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ooc!gojo x f!reader, sfw
word count: ~2,300
cw: explicit language, body image issues + insecurities, anxiety attacks
notes: wrote this before gojo got... uh... :)) i also wrote this last year when i had a very different understanding of gojo's character than i do now (cross-posted from my ao3), which is why i labeled him as ooc. anyway, this is my love letter to those who struggle with feeling mediocre and insignificant and unneeded.
TO BE clear, it wasn’t like Satoru was never explicit in his affections for you. In fact, it was the entire opposite – he would plant a disgustingly wet kiss on your forehead every morning, dog whistle when you changed for work, and treat your body like a temple as soon as dusk hit. He drowned you in praises whenever he could, but perhaps that was the issue.
Were you worthy of someone as irreplaceable as him? Gojo Satoru may stroke his own ego by calling himself “the blessed one,” but it wasn't like he was wrong for it. In the jujutsu world, he was the industry’s ultimate weapon. Outside, he was a very striking and sexy man – tall, lean, born with the bluest eyes –, and while he was annoying, grating, and reckless at times, he had awareness and compassion that made him personable and trustworthy.
As a matter of fact, that’s what made you take the leap to become his. You're no jujutsu sorcerer, and you learned just how dangerous Satoru’s job was before you even began to develop feelings for him. Yet the self-assuredness he radiated when he spoke convinced you to trust him. You wouldn’t be able to lose him, even if you wanted to – he is the strongest, and he will continue to be so until he dies.
On the other hand, you were… well, you were just you. You weren’t ugly, but you weren’t stunning or gorgeous. You were neither thin nor thick, and you weren’t especially gifted in any particular intellectual matter. At times, you think, had you been specially endowed or gifted in one way or another, you wouldn’t have this internal turmoil. But in reality, your mediocrity was all you had to work with, and you’re not sure if Satoru’s love for you will last once he realizes that you have little to offer him.
“Hon, you’ve been in there for a long time! Is everything alright?” Satoru’s voice and his knocks on the fitting room door break you out of your trance.
You’ve been standing in front of the mirror in the same dress for a few minutes now. The way the dress sits on your frame dissatisfies you, and you realize that that was probably what triggered your spiraling in the first place.
You quickly respond. “Sorry for making you wait! Let me get changed.”
Right. There was no need to get into your head. It doesn’t matter if you were dating Satoru or someone else; relationships, even marriages and years-long friendships, are fragile in nature, so the only thing you should focus on is appreciating the present.
You unlock the door and let Satoru help you gather your things.
“Anything catch your eye?” he asks as he slips your bag onto his shoulder.
“Not really,” you say. “Let me return the clothes first. Meet you at the store entrance?”
He pouts and peers at you over his sunglasses. “Not even the dress I picked out for you?”
Ah, there was more to it. It was because Satoru had specifically picked out that dress that made you hope it would suit you. You smile apologetically at him before heading out.
The car ride is quiet, aside from the occasional hum that Satoru lets out as the speakers play your playlist. You would have felt much more relaxed, too, had you not noticed your boyfriend’s intense gaze on you. He has been looking at you since the two of you left the store, and while you know he has no bad intentions, his stare is only getting more pointed by the second. To any onlooker, they would think you're overthinking it – and maybe they’re right. After all, Satoru’s posture is still casual, and it’s not like there’s electrifying tension in the air. But still, you have been with Satoru for two years now, and your gut is telling you that if you looked back at him right now, it would only prompt a conversation that you weren’t ready to have. So you don’t return his gaze and, instead, pretend to be distracted by the streetlights and waning moon.
It isn’t until the two of you return to your shared home that he breaks the silence.
“What’s on your mind, hon?” His voice is gentle, laced with concern, gentleness, and curiosity. His tone is coaxing you to be truthful, but a discomfort sits at the bottom of your stomach that holds you back.
You don’t say anything as you take off your shoes, aligning your heels next to each other on the shoe rack. It’s only when you stand back up that you say, “I… I’m not sure if I want to talk right now, Satoru."
He stills behind you, a second longer to tell you that he’s thinking, before he gives you a brief back hug.
“That’s alright. Take your time,” he whispers. You lean into his touch before he pulls away.
Then, he begins to whistle and muses on about dinner as he strides towards the living room. All you can do is follow as you shake your head and chuckle under your breath.
The evening is spent with warm food and a drama playing in the background. The two of you cackle at the silly antics of the characters (“I could probably bench press the antagonist,” Satoru groans) and talk about how the jujutsu students are doing (“You should find some time to let the first- and second-years actually enjoy the amusement park,” you chide).
However, the insecurities never quite leave you. When your boyfriend moves to wrap his arm around your waist, you immediately lean forward, away to grab the remote control to turn the TV volume up. When he tries again – this time, resting his hand over your knee – you switch your posture and adjust the cushion in your lap. You hear Satoru grumble with displeasure but elect to ignore it.
Eventually, after several more attempts of trying to initiate any semblance of physical affection, Satoru finally groans aloud. He reaches over you to grab the remote, turns the TV off, and takes your face in his hands. Now you’re forced to look at him, and without his sunglasses to mute the blue of his eyes, his stare sends a jolting shock through your body.
“Hon, I know I said I would be patient, but this is getting out of hand.” You squirm a little, but his hands are sturdy in cupping your face in place. Like a child, you simply huff and close your eyes. “Oh, c’mon! At least look at me!”
You huff again. “No, I don’t want to.”
It’s silent.
Another moment passes, and Satoru lets go of your face.
It’s too silent.
You wonder if Satoru has teleported away. You’re sure he’s playing with you, but what if he just… gave up? Just like that? Maybe something just clicked in his brain, and he left because he realized you were too naïve and boring and normal for him?
You’re stubborn, but the urge to know overwhelms you and you open your eyes.
He’s still there. Satoru immediately falls back, laughing and rolling on the floor.
You grimace. “I wish you would be that quiet on a daily basis.”
“Oh, no, you don’t!” Satoru’s laughing so hard, he’s beginning to clutch his sides.
You roll your eyes and begin to stand up. You feel a hand clutch at your wrist, and you glare down at the man(child). “I’m going to clean things up here while you waste away on the floor.”
“That was hilarious!”
“The only thing that’s hilarious here is your shit sense of humor.”
You don’t resist as Satoru pulls you down, wrapping you in his arms as you both lie on the floor. He’s still chuckling, but he’s turned his attention towards soothing you, running one of his hands through your hair and fiddling with the hem of your shirt with the other.
“Are you ready to tell me what’s on your mind?”
You hum, your smile melting off. You bury your face in the crook of his neck and mutter, “Why do you love me, Satoru?”
“I don’t know, there’s too much to love.”
“Cheesy. Bad answer. Give me actual reasons.”
“Where’s this coming from?”
You let out a strangled, muffled cry. “I asked first, Satoru.”
“I'll only answer if you give me context.”
You peer at him, and you see a patient and loving look settle on his face. You don’t want his expression to turn into one of hurt.
Finally, you admit, “I don’t know, I just don’t really get why… you’d date someone like me. It’s not like I’m useful in any way.”
Satoru’s hands continue their motions. He’s unfazed, almost as if he expected you to say this.
“Do you think people love others based on their utility?” he asks.
“To a certain degree, yeah.”
“Okay, so you’re saying you don’t add any value to my life?”
“Well, I hope I do. I just… don’t really know what that value is exactly.” Satoru sighs before lifting both of you into a sitting position, though you’re mostly in his lap. “Listen, I can’t speak for others, but I know I don’t love others just because they do things for me. Hell, Megumi was literally a child when I took him in. What could he have possibly done for me?”
“Be an adorable, chubby baby?”
Your boyfriend rolls his eyes. “Not the point.” You acquiesce. “All I’m trying to say is that our relationship isn’t transactional.”
You huff again. You know you’re acting childish. “But that doesn’t explain why you chose me. Like I’m not special, Satoru. I feel so… unworthy.”
Satoru’s face immediately drops, and he’s holding you tightly. “Why do you feel that way, hon? Am I not loving you properly?”
“No, not at all!” you say. “Satoru, no, sweetheart, this has nothing to do with you. You’re just so good to me. I-I don’t know what I did to deserve all of this.”
You sigh and slump into his hold. Tears are prickling in your eyes, and you feel your face heat up as you overwhelm with a discouraging mixture of shame, embarrassment, and guilt. Yet you hold back because this conversation is already as humiliating as it can get.
“But that’s what I’m trying to say, hon.” Satoru is cradling your head as he speaks to you softly. “My love for you is unconditional. I love you because I am in love with you.”
You shake your head and ask, “In love with what? Mediocrity?” Satoru takes a sharp inhale.
You continue, “Satoru, I’m no model. I’m also not a genius. I’m not particularly talented in anything or especially beautiful, and I’m not even a part of your world. Literally, what is there to love –”
“No one else has loved me for who I am until I met you.”
You look up at him quizzically.
“Listen.” Satoru readjusts your position so that the two of you are sitting facing each other. This time, he's not looking at you. Rather, he looks down at where your knees touch and interlaces your hands with his. “To the higher-ups, I am just the pillar that maintains balance. To the kids, I’m their mentor. And to the others, I’m just a colleague. Not a single person in my life has loved me so deeply before.”
“But what if you had met someone before me who could love you just as deeply, if not more?”
“But I didn’t. And that’s all that matters now.” Satoru takes your hands fully into his. Staring straight at you, he says, “You took me in, knowing all the dangers that come with being my partner. Maybe in another timeline, another universe, you aren’t my lover. But in this one, you are, and I have no intention of letting you go.” He pauses for a brief second before muttering, voice cracking, “I can’t lose you.”
The tears you had held back come streaming down, and you have to bite down on your lip to stifle your sobs. You manage to whisper back, “I can’t lose you, either.”
Satoru kisses you once, twice, thrice. Gentle touches on your lips, only filled with adoration and longing. He continues to press his lips around your face, mumbling praises between each of his actions.
“Beautiful.” Kiss on your forehead. “Compassionate.” Kiss on your nose. “Thoughtful.” Kiss on your temple. “Bright.” And his flurry of kisses and compliments don’t stop until you stop crying. Eventually, you start giggling at the light, feathery sensation, and when he is about to mutter something else, you take the chance to kiss him back.
It’s nothing sensual or breathtaking – just your lips slotted firmly and perfectly against his. But you feel so grounded and content, and the insecurities and anxiety that have been bothering you all day finally fade away. When you break away, Satoru gleams at you with pride and admiration, and you beam back at him.
“Feeling better?” he asks. You nod fervently before giving your boyfriend another quick peck.
“Thank you. Always,” you say.
His eyes crinkle at the sight of you happy and energetic again. “Of course, hon. Anything for you.”
It’s difficult to not fluster at his words sometimes, so you turn away and hide your face behind your arm, denying him any satisfaction.
Satoru whines and says, “Hey, lemme see you. I deserve it for being such a good boyfriend.”
You respond cheekily, “I’ll only admit that you’ve been a good boyfriend if you also wash the dishes.”
“Hey, that’s not fair!”
You giggle as you slide off the couch. “I’ll leave it to you!”
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stop-talking · 6 months ago
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How do you think jhutch characters would handle a baby?
I'm not quite sure if you're asking "what would they do if you handed them a baby" or "what would they do if you told them you're pregnant" but I'm gonna assume you meant the latter. (feel free to send another request if I got it wrong)
Ranking Jhutch characters from worst to best fathers:
Billy
☆ Would play dumb when you hand him the pregnancy test.
☆ "What's this? Oh, you're pregnant? Can't be mine. My pull-out game is too strong." (literally has NO pull-out game, refuses to use condoms because he "can't feel" with them on)
☆ Basically ghosts you until the paternity test proves it's his. Then he actually ghosts you.
☆ Drops off the face of the fucking Earth for years. Doesn't pay a dime in child support.
☆ Maybe he comes back like 3 years later drunk and demanding to see "his" kid idk. Literally the worst.
Derek
☆ Honestly I headcannon he had a vasectomy at like 24-25.
☆ His mom hit him up once she heard about his prostitute scandals and chewed him out. Gave him "the talk" even though he's a grown ass man... finally got him to get snipped when she brought up the possibility of paying income-based child support for 18 years.
☆ Assuming he doesn't have one, though...
☆ He'd initially be mad and blame you. "I thought you were on the pill!!"
☆ Then he'd be like "Is it too late to... you know... get rid of it?" (and kind of dance around the subject because he's too much of a wimp to just say the word abortion)
☆ Wallace and his mom would both force him to get his shit together and apologize. Eventually he'd come to terms with the fact he's gonna be a dad.
☆ He'd be the kind of bastard to throw an over-the-top gender reveal party. The kind that burns down half of California or pollutes a major water channel.
☆ I think he'd be a really good girl dad. He'd let her paint his nails and stuff. Spoil her. <3
☆ He would treat a son completely differently. Teach him to "be a man" or whatever when he's still learning to walk. Force him into random ass sports.
☆ He'd have them mostly taken care of by a nanny. That's probably how he was raised, anyways. Derek Danforth is NOT changing a diaper.
Futturman
☆ Whether we're talking pre-show or post-show, he'd freak the fuck out if you handed him a positive pregnancy test. I'm talking full-on pass out.
☆ Pre-show Josh would be like "Babe we can NOT afford a baby I literally live at home with my parents and work as a janitor."
☆ His parents would be so crazy supportive though. They've been hinting that they want grandkids for YEARS.
☆ They literally clear out a room IMMIDEATELY after hearing the news and offer it to you to use as a nursery.
☆ His mom buys you more baby clothes than you could possibly need. His dad builds a crib from scratch.
☆ Overall Josh is stressed asf but he does his best to be there for you, and his parents are OVERWHELMIGLY supportive.
☆ Post-show Josh, on the other hand, doesn't have that support. But he's survived unspeakable horrors across multiple dimensions, how hard could a baby be?
☆ Extremely hard, apparently. One day he just loses it and makes a huge decision without asking you.
☆ "Josh WTF happened to our savings??"
☆ "TRUST ME BABE we need to invest in Apple!!"
☆ You're pissed but it pays off in a few years and you're both able to live comfortably.
☆ Then in 2015-ish he did the same thing again, pouring all your savings into bitcoin. This time you SWEAR you're going to leave him, but it all pays out in the end. He gets your kid through college with that money.
☆ Overall he's a really good father, too. He had great parents, and even if he's not experienced with kids, he's naturally a very caring and attentive person.
Mike
☆ Cries when he sees the pregnancy test. He's not even sure if it's happy or sad tears.
☆ Gets sick to his stomach overthinking about how he's going to be a terrible father. His dad walked out on him, so he has literally no idea how to act.
☆ Abby, on the other hand, is absolutely delighted. She's always wanted a "little sister". Mike has to remind her that technically it's her niece. Or nephew. There's no guarantee on the gender yet.
☆ Eventually he comes to terms with it all. He's taken care of Abby for ten years, he isn't completely clueless.
☆ Takes you to all of your Dr.'s appointments, checkups, etc. Holds your hand. Makes all of your weird pregnancy cravings and doesn't judge.
☆ After the birth, he lets you rest. Nearly works himself to death trying to take care of the baby all on his own because he wants you to recover.
☆ I'm talking getting up bleary-eyed at 2am every night to microwave some formula and feed the baby. After working a 10 hour shift.
☆ Pulls the "I have a baby on the way" card at work in an attempt to get a raise. It works, thankfully. (In the novel version of the movie; it says he gets a job as a contractor at the end. So hopefully he can afford a kid...)
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[Remember: these are just MY headcannons. If you think differently that's fine. I didn't include Clapton because he's literally in highschool... and we all know Peeta is an amazing father.]
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inumkii · 1 year ago
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ˏˋ°•*⁀➷ how you got together - inumaki x reader
bullet pointed scenario
genre: fluff, f2l
wc: 1.2 ish
ˏˋ°•*⁀➷ an: hii this is my first jjk fic!! this might be the only thing i ever post LOLL currently ignoring my massive hiatus on my kpop blog T_T anywayss i wrote this super quickly its prob not the best ;p
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i feel like toge would be the type of person to have you make a lot of the first moves
like when you guys were just stupidly pining friends, he made it pretty obvious that he liked you but wanted you to actually confess verbally 
it was mostly because he didn't want such a big milestone of starting your relationship to be texted or written by him but maybe like 20% of it was because he likes to be annoying
he's a little shit so if your the type of person to wait on the other person to make a move, good luck! because he’s making you do it
like there was a point were he was certain about both of ur feelings being mutual so he’d just play it up by being really touchy, making it obvious that he wanted to be right next to you, always clinging to you, etc.. you know,, making it obvious that he really does like you
but poor you because you were spending your time overthinking eveything. maybe he was just really touchyyy!! maybe he's extra comfortable around you!!! (i wonder why.)
it was actually driving your friends insane tho
maki’s last straw was during a training session out on the field, her and panda were sparring as you and inumaki watched on the steps
inumaki, as usual, was glued to your side, hands toying with the fabric of your long sleeve uniform
as maki landed her last hit on panda, you got up with their water bottles and ran them over to your two friends 
toge followed closely behind, still attached to your sleeve
you were balancing both of the bottles in one arm since the other was being occupied as toges leash of some sort, but you approached the other two like nothing was out of place
this sight wasn't anything new to panda or maki so they kept their scoffs and eye rolls internal. it was mostly just driving them crazy that neither one of you had made a move. it was obvious you both liked each other so why aren’t you guys doing anything about it??
“nice one, maki!” you cheered as the two grabbed their respective waters, toge let out an ingredient of affirmation as well
“ah, that was nothing” she proudly boasted, part of it directed as being a playful jab toward panda. she glanced down at inumakis hand attached to the end of your sleeve as he seemingly refused to be more than a few inches apart from you
“anyways,, im planning on grabbing lunch after this, yn, you coming with?” maki turned towards you
“sure!! i didnt have any plans,” you mused and you and maki set off and away from the field, toge still trailing behind as if following you was the obvious route to go
“just me and yn today, inumaki. sorry man,, go do something with panda” maki had no problem brushing off your friend, she was trying to get you alone which was something that seemed more rare as days go by (cough cough toge let maki have some time with her friend)
he laughed and backed away in compliance before giving your shoulder a quick squeeze as the four of you split off
once he was out of earshot, maki finally groaned
“you need to make a move already, its so frustrating watching you two cling to each other without doing anything about it” she complained as you felt your face heat up
you were well aware of toge’s touchiness and couldn't ignore his potential intentions behind it,, but yet there was this looming fear of actually enacting a confession that stopped you from going further 
“do you think he really likes me?” you asked pathetically. anyone’s answer would’ve been a loud yes,, but you still felt like you had to ask maki for some semblance of confidence 
she stared at you, an incredulous look breaching her face
“i cant believe you're asking me that question” she scoffed out a laugh, “but since you need to hear it. yes, toge inumaki is one hundred percent in love with you”
she left it at that, causing a permanent fluster to torment you for the rest of lunch
your lunch with maki had left you a little more confident about where you stood with toge, however. she had begged you to do something about it soon, claiming she couldn’t bear to witness any more pining
you had to do something about it soon or else you’d continue to sleep on her advice, overthink it, and never do anything about your problem,,,, it was now or never
you shot a text over to toge and waited on a nearby bench on school grounds
a few minutes passed with you spending them painstakingly fumbling with your phone case, picking off the stickers that were already on their last leg
there were so many times within those short seven minutes where you debated sending a ‘never mind! something came up’ to him
he finally showed up fairly quickly, joining the spot next to you on the bench
immediately discerning your nervous state, he placed a hand over yours
his action didn't do much for your nerves but it gave a little more hope that your confession would have a good outcome
(you were painfully unaware that no matter what you did, you had a 100% success rate)
he voiced his concern, squeezing your hand as you turned to face him
it felt like your heart was about to explode out of your chest but you had to rip the bandaid off
meeting his concern gaze, you finally said it
“i like you”
okay
maybe not the smoothest confession,, but given your anxiety over the situation, it was a miracle it was even said
all toge did in response was reach up to cup your cheek and smile 
his single expression gave you the answer you so desperately needed
pouring all his love and admiration into one expression, you hadn’t realized this was always how he had been looking at you
wordless communication though gazes and lingering touches had always been the way he was allowed to express himself
you had been overlooking it for too long, too caught up in your own mind to see the way he gazed at you like you were the only thing he ever needed to focus on, worthy of his attention at any moment you needed it
your heart melted on sight as you leaned into to press a kiss on his lips 
it was sweet, brief but not hasty. toge had always been good at placing his emotions into his actions and he made sure you felt everything he was feeling
the two of you parted before you leaned back in to place two more kisses, one on each side of his mouth where his seals were placed
he leaned in to your touch, pulling you in for a hug. as he buried his face in your neck, he breathed out a sigh that wordlessly expressed ‘you have no idea how long i’ve been waiting for this’ and you laughed into his hair
it might've been way overdue, but he’s here now in your arms, this time without the weight of wondering if your feelings were truly requited
oh an maki just got a text from panda of a blurry, zoomed in image of the two of you on the bench together from the distance
“fucking finally” -maki
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machiroads · 8 months ago
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Don't look, i'm about to overthink this panel
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Long post under the cut.
Notwithstanding that I can't figure out what's going on with Aizawa's legs here because he's twisted around or something—it's a good panel. Look at them, they're adorable. 11/10 no notes.
Actually that's not true I have so many notes.
Will someone also please get this man a blanket for god's sake
I'm going to unpack the implications here from two perspectives: Aizawa telling Eri he got hit by a truck, and Eri trying (and failing) to save Aizawa.
Tis But A Flesh Wound
Aizawa tells Eri he got hit by a truck, and a common interpretation I've seen of this is that nobody told her what happened to him. I don't necessarily think this is true, because:
A) She rewound Mirio the day before the raid
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B) She was watching the fight on TV with All Might.
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Canonically, she is at least tangentially aware of what happened. Aizawa also knows that she's at least somewhat aware of what happened, vis-a-vis excerpt A.
I've also seen the interpretation that Aizawa is trying to obfuscate the truth about his injuries from her (presumably because the quirk-deleting bullets were created from her blood), but again, she was watching the fight on TV.
The most rational (hah) explanation is that he's just back on his bullshit, lying to children for his own amusement.
which is. hysterical.
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Anyways, onto item 2!
The Deus Ex Machina
As we saw above, Eri rewound Mirio the day before the raid. I am not a scholar of the BNHA timeline, but I did do some research while I was writing Nine Lives. My understanding is as follows:
The Shie Hassaikai raid is sometime in September
The Jaku raid is at the end of March
Mirio corroborates these two points when he arrives at Jaku, noting that he's been out of the game for about 6 months
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Post-Jaku is where the timeline gets weird.
Tartarus is breached the night of the raid on Jaku and Gunga
Midoriya is brought back to UA about a month after that
The Star & Stripe fight happens the day after that
The day after that, All Might reveals they have at least a week to prepare for the final battle. Aoyama is revealed to be the traitor on the same day.
In summary, the final battle happens somewhere in the ballpark of a month and a half to two months after Jaku / Gunga.
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With the timeline sort of squared away, let's move on to the interpretation I've seen some readers make, which is that Eri didn't have enough energy to rewind Aizawa. The translation of Ectoplasm's dialogue has varied between the original leaks, the fan scanlation, and the official release, leading to some ambiguity of interpretation here, but there are a few different reasons that this doesn't make any sense:
Based on the timeline outlined above, where Eri successfully sends Mirio back 6 months on the day before the raid, it doesn't really make sense that 0 to 2 months later, she couldn't hypothetically rewind Aizawa by 0 to 2 months after he loses his leg and eye. Eri's power is wishy washy at best, but this seems like it's entirely within the realm of plausibility if Aizawa wanted to be rewound.
From a storytelling standpoint, what's the point of rewinding Aizawa to de-nerf him for the final battle if him and Monoma are ultimately removed from the fight via Sad Man's Parade anyway?
My interpretation is that this doesn't actually have anything to do with Eri trying and failing to rewind Aizawa, but rather she's trying to go rescue Midoriya and help him the same way that she did during the Shie Hassaikai raid.
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The inference Ectoplasm is making is that it's too late for that, because she's at home watching the fight on TV rather than already being on the battlefield. This was also the case at Jaku, where she was canonically watching the fight on TV with All Might. She must have seen Aizawa go down and wanted to go save him, but it was already too late for her to try to help.
There's an entire separate essay worth of discussion on why Aizawa continues to live with one leg and one eye (both from a canon and a meta perspective), but I won't get into that here.
In conclusion:
This panel is fucking adorable
Aizawa continues to lie to children for fun and profit
Eri is baby and is physically perfectly capable of controlling her power at this juncture, she's just geographically removed from the action because she's like seven years old
Thanks for coming to my TED Talk
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6okuto · 1 year ago
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ASTROLOGY BOT
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1.2k words, just timeskip akaashi overthinking and crushing on gn!reader. LOL
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akaashi has always considered himself ‘on the fence’ when it comes to superstitions and signs from the universe.
he might say ghosts aren’t real, but never goes near a supposedly haunted site just in case. he’ll ignore videos titled “for you” if he can’t relate, say it must have been a sign only after something goes wrong, and never acts on them even if he knows he has to.
but he can’t deny that he thinks about it throughout the day when it’s something he hopes is true—that maybe he’s tried out a few filters and trends to see if you, his crush of way too long, were his soulmate.
it’s bokuto this time, though, that sends him a sign.
a tweet, really.
an astrology bot on twitter that tweeted 17 minutes ago— “sagittarius, tell them you like them. they like you, too.”
AKAASHI!!!
i told you!!!
i turned their post notifications on to see if they’d say anything funny again and LOOK!!!!
keiji watches his friend’s texts come in through as notifications, eyes mostly fixed on the tweet, re-reading it over and over.
it’s a minute before he texts back.
it’s just a bot bokuto
it doesn’t actually mean anything
but bokuto is typing replies in mere seconds,
awwwww come on :((
remember when they were like
be careful virgo they don’t have the best intentions >:(
and IT WAS ABOUT ME ALMOST GETTING SCAMMED!! THEY STOPPED A SCAM!!! O____O
whats the worst thing that could happen???
i mean.. well…at least the worst thing that could happen ISNT u losing a bunch of money T_____T
imagine if u lost hundreds of dollars bc u confessed ;——; scary…
keiji breathes out a laugh.
i won’t lose hundreds of dollars but it’d haunt me for the rest of my life like every other embarrassing thing that’s ever happened and u know that
but thank you
i’ll think about telling them
he’s vaguely aware of bokuto sending another text with his name in all caps before he turns off his phone. it lands somewhere beside him on his comforter, and he takes off his glasses if only to run his hands down his face.
there’s a feeling he gets, akin to both butterflies and a 10 meter drop, when one of these bots decides to let his imagination get away from him.
for a few minutes keiji lets himself think it might be true, and that you think about going on dates with him the same way he does with you.
the latest idea he had was taking you to a new board game cafe that had opened nearby. he had skipped then swiped back up to its ad—a perfect spot for couples looking to spice up a regular cafe date!
he hadn’t closed his curtains properly that night, and the moon lit up his room while he stared at the ceiling. would you be competitive? would you rather play a co-op game?
would you see him sipping on his drink, and ask to have a taste?
he thought about how he might accidentally have some foam above his lip, and how you’d softly laugh before tapping above your own to signal his appearance. he cringed at the possible humiliation of looking silly in front of you, but it went away with the foam you’d gently swipe with your thumb, or maybe even hold his face to kiss away instead. you’d tease him and say it was as sweet as him.
but it’s nonsensical.
as far as keiji knows, whoever runs the account is using a random generator to pick a sign and bullshitting every tweet in their drafts.
it’s almost always only a sentence anyway.
but does that mean it’s a sign that this one was two?
keiji forces himself to stop thinking and takes a deep breath, letting the warmth hit his palms still covering his face. silence washes over him, and he lets his ears focus on the traffic outside, and the sound of the washing machine running a couple of rooms away.
but then he thinks about you. and he scrunches his eyes shut and groans, hands moving to grip his hair before he rolls over onto his stomach.
there’s a thud as his phone hits the ground while he pulls the blanket to cover his head.
sagittarius, tell them you like them. they like you, too.
sagittarius, tell them you like them. they like you, too.
not just tell them you like them, as if it was a shove to be courageous for once, but they like you, too.
did you like him, too?
was he good enough for you to like him?
did you hate him?
was he going to trust an astrology bot as uninformed about your feelings as he was?
maybe more importantly, was he going to let a bot dictate whether he finally confesses to you after almost a year of pining? a year based on the fact that one day you held the elevator door open for him with a smile and already knew what floor he needed?
(you had noticed him as the new employee, though he didn’t notice you while busy getting used to his job. he made sure to note the fact you got off the floor above him so he could press the button for you next time.)
and keiji doesn’t really believe in signs or the supernatural. he doesn’t want to let himself, because if he does then there’s probably a ghost in that shut-down building on his way to work, he’s gotten himself twenty years of bad luck, and he’s big enough of a coward that the universe decided to take it upon itself to tell him that itself.
but he’s hiding under his blanket when the absurdity of it all hits him—the anxiety and what-ifs and pretending he didn’t know you liked going for lunch a little earlier than him, and that he didn’t plan his break to say hello—and he feels like he’s sixteen again.
and maybe if there’s one thing he doesn’t want to feel other than being rejected, he thinks it’s being sixteen again.
so he jolts up.
and somewhere, in the back of his mind, keiji wonders if the universe jolted up with him, excited to see where this goes.
adrenaline working, he reaches for his glasses and fumbles to put them on with one hand while the other feels the floor to find his phone. the bright screen makes him squint, and the notification of bokuto’s “AKAASHIII :((” welcomes him before anything else.
sagittarius, tell them you like them. they like you too.
the tweet seems to be engraving itself into his mind as his shaky fingers hold his phone, and he taps your icon.
he skims the last text you had sent,
thanks keiji!! i’ll see u tomorrow then :) and remember we get off early!
it's a little embarrassing how his chest tightens at you his name and a smiley face. but he goes to type one himself, spending a second to mentally tell the astrology account they’re changing lives, but nothing more or else he thinks he might throw up—
btw if you’re free, did you want to grab food after work? there’s a cafe i wanted to check out with you :)
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killualoverr · 3 months ago
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₊ ☆ ‧₊˚ → ann, makoto, futaba, and haru general relationship headcanons!
cw: fluff, slightest bit of angst if you squint
note: ahhjflslksdfglds i accidentally deleted this ask :( but anyways i was so excited when i saw this since it's my first request, i hope you enjoy ( ≧ᗜ≦)!!
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- big on physical touch and words of affirmation.
- lots of cuddles, kisses, spooning, etc if you let her. she loves that type of intimacy.
- she doesn’t mind pda! if you’re okay with it, she would be pretty affectionate.
- would kiss you on the cheek as a greeting
- if you aren’t a fan of physical touch she'll be minimal with it or just stop all together.
- loves showing you off!!! a big part of her social media page would be her and you. if you don’t like being posted, she would have an album/folder full of pictures of you.
- if anyone says anything even remotely bad about you trust and believe she’s hitting that block button in the blink of an eye.
- appreciates any type of compliments, but compliments beyond her looks make her so insanely happy considering her looks are mostly what she’s usually noticed by.
- she absolutely loves to shower you in compliments too. makes her smile when she sees you get all shy
- if you post yourself on social media expect her to be flooding your comments hyping you up 😭
- absolutely loves doing your makeup/skincare and dressing you up!!!
- ryuji is TIRED of hearing her talk about you. someone save this boy
- “red? speaking of red, y/n-“ “ann. 🙁”
- dates with her consist of going out to dessert places, harajuku, the park, and going to the underground mall.
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- makoto is very inexperienced with romance. at the start of your relationship she would pretty much leave most decisions up to you.
- after a bit of time of you guys being together and experimenting with things she learns what she likes and dislikes and sets boundaries about those things. she becomes a lot more comfortable in the relationship after that.
- not a very big fan of pda. she would rather being affectionate like that in a more private setting.
- she’s very easy to fluster! an unexpected hug or kiss and her brain short circuits. 😭😭
- her main love languages are words of affirmation and acts of service.
- makoto tends to overthink so ressurance would play a significant role in your relationship.
- she prefers to show affection in ways like checking up on you and such.
- you’re thirsty? she’s already getting out her water bottle. it’s hot and your hair is bothering you? she should have a hair tie somewhere…
- and so on. anything you need, she’s got it, and if she doesn’t, it’s her top priority to help you out somehow.
- your wellbeing is always on her mind
- she tends to keep to herself a lot, but she tries her best to be vulnerable around you.
- sae doesn’t mind you guys. probably just some playful teasing here and there.
- study dates are very frequent!! she likes them a lot because it allows her to spend time with you and also get things done.
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- like makoto, futaba would also be very inexperienced with romance.
- her love languages are physical touch and quality time.
- being in the same room as you whether you’re watching a movie, on your phone, or just sitting in bed doing whatever in complete silence together, means a lot to her.
- if you guys ever go out she very often (if not always) is holding your hand. it makes her less anxious and brings her a sense of comfort.
- “excuse me, she asked for no pickles.” while futaba frantically nods behind you
- she’s a HUGE yapper; she could go on and on talking about a new volume of a manga she’s into, the newest episode of a show she likes, the most recent updates for a game she enjoys playing, etc.
- if you were also interested in the same things as her you guys would nerd out together.
- loves listening to you talk about things you like just as much as she enjoys ranting about her interests.
- would love having matching profile pictures of her favorite ships with you
- she’s the type to send you those slideshow videos that say “us?”
- most dates with her consist of just hanging out at each others houses playing a video game, watching shows together, things of that nature. if you were to do something outdoors you’d most likely be either at akihabara or asakusa.
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- omg haru is such a sweetheart of a friend and even more as a your s/o.
- i can easily imagine her being affectionate in private. while she's a bit shy to initiate things at first she slowly gets more comfortable with it later on.
- that being said, she’d be a bit hesitant with pda due to her publicity
- a bit of all but i think her main love languages are quality time and gift giving.
- i feel like she’s big on gift giving because she's rich?? idk, she loves giving you stuff that reminds her of you or something that catches your eye while you guys are out together.
- she would give you flowers she grew herself too
- cuddling is a frequent activity in your relationship! adores playing your hair when you two cuddle, gently running her fingers through and complimenting it
- she’s an amazing listener! not only does she like listening to you talk about anything and everything, she also just enjoys hearing the sound of your voice.
- absolutely refuses to let you pay for anything 😭
- her favorite dates with you are anything involving gardening. if you're inexperienced she is more than happy to coach you and teach you anything and everything you need to know. haru would be open to pretty much anything though, she’s just happy she gets to spend time with you.
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whatsk-poppinhomies · 1 year ago
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Pairing : (College AU)non!idol!Kim Seungmin x F!Reader TW : established relationship ; bullying ; depression ; attempted su*c*de ; major angst ; is it considered fluffy at the end or more yandere the way that Seungmin acts at the end??? ; let me know!!! Word Count : 4.6k Request : Anon : depressed reader gets actively bullied and bruised which leads to a suicide attempt. seungmin never thought it was that serious once she brought it up to him. but after her failed attempt he is now extra careful with her and maybe a bit mad at himself for not taking it seriously. A/N : PLEASE READ THE TRIGGER WARNINGS BEFORE CLICKING READ MORE!! To the anon that requested this, I hope you're still here and you remember sending this in! I'm finally posting it!! I hope you enjoy it! The gif came from this blog!!
It rained again today… It seemed like everyone on campus knew that the storm was coming, everyone but you. Umbrellas were pushed open all around you as you quickly put your hood up, the downpour was torrential and you were soaked within the first minute of your walk back to your dorms. It didn’t help that people seemed to be purposely angling their umbrellas so that whenever you walked by, the rain from the top would pour onto your head. 
You’re overthinking it… There’s no reason anyone would purposely do something like that to you. You don’t deserve that. Is what everyone else would say, even your boyfriend… And you would have believed them if not for the insults that were constantly hurled in your direction and the scrapes and bruises that littered your knees and elbows from being pushed around and laughed at when you fell to the ground. You didn’t believe them… And they didn’t believe you. 
By the time you got to your building you were dripping wet, but the attacks wouldn’t stop until you were behind closed doors, in the safety of your room, at least for the next couple hours until the next day started and you got to go through it all over again. That was your life, a constant repeat of the day before, and you weren’t sure how much more of it you could take. 
As soon as you walked through the front door of your building you heard it, the laughter of the girls who seemed to make it their job to make sure your life was hell. You weren’t sure what you had done to make them hate you so much, you had never even talked to them, but they still decided to target you. 
“God, look at the shit they let live in the building with us.” One of them said, although you sure it was the main girl talking. Every clique had a leader, and it was obvious that she was the leader of the group. Everyone else just decided to follow along, and maybe it was because they were scared of being on the receiving end of the girls shit. You were done being scared though, you had simply become numb to it. “What should we do? She looks like a fucking sewer rat, dripping shit all over the entrance. Disgusting.” 
You couldn’t walk fast enough, and even if you tried to, you were sure that she’d catch up. She was following right behind you, and before you could even get your foot on the first step, you were being pushed, your knee cracking loudly as it hit the edge of the stair. You didn’t make a sound, you didn’t wince, you didn’t cry, you just got back up, trying your best to focus on anything but the pain that shot through your leg as you continued walking up the stairs. 
“Now she’s an injured rat, maybe she should just put herself out of her misery. It’s not like anyone wants her here anyway.” They all laughed, like your pain and your suffering was entertainment for all of them. Maybe they were just bored… It’s not like you could do anything about it. If you said anything, it would only make things worse and no one would ever believe you… You were nobody… There wasn’t a single person who would notice if you were gone. 
“I’ll be back tomorrow morning if you want to go out and get breakfast together before class.” Seungmins voice came through the speaker of your phone as it sat on the bed. You hummed softly, not in agreement, not in disagreement either though. It was a sound only to let him know that you were there, that you were still listening. “Did you bring your umbrella with you today? It was raining really bad.” 
You hummed again, once again becoming aware of just how wet you were, your clothes soaking through to the mattress that you were sitting on. “Yeah… I’m gonna take a shower and then a nap… I’ve got a lot of studying to do… Want to be well rested.” You muttered, your voice almost robotic, but he didn’t pick up on it, or maybe he did and he just decided to ignore it. 
“Alright. Don’t study too hard. I’ll see you in the morning, I’ll pick you up.” His voice was as cheerful as usual, not a care in the world… and why would he have one? He didn’t go through what you did. He didn’t know what it was like, and he refused to believe that it happened to you… In his eyes, everything was perfect. Nothing was ever wrong because it didn’t hurt him… not personally at least. 
That’s how it always was… He either didn’t want to believe that such horrible people existed, or he just blew it off, assuming that you were making it seem worse than it actually was. That’s why you didn’t even tell him anymore. You were tired of wasting your breath, trying to call out for help, trying to get him to listen to you and be there for you. It was all pointless. Nothing would ever change… Not for you, not unless you did something… You were the only person who could help yourself. 
Your roommate wasn’t back yet, she was always out late studying. It was the perfect opportunity, the perfect time. No one would ever know, and by the time they did, it would be too late. You weren’t going to continue being tortured, you shouldn’t have to continue suffering just to make other people's lives easier, to give them their daily dose of entertainment. You shouldn’t have to go through hell just so someone’s perfect view of the world wasn’t soiled. 
Your phone was left on the bed as you went to the bathroom, shutting the door behind you and taking a deep breath. It would be over soon, it would all be over soon. It’s not like anyone wants you here anyway… Those words repeated over and over in your mind as you dug through the cabinet under the sink, pulling out the razors that you had bought a couple months before. They were purchased right before your talk with Seungmin. You had wanted so badly for him to listen to you, to tell you that everything would be okay, that he’d help you… You were wrong in wanting those things, you hadn’t gotten any of them. You weren’t sure why you had even held out this long after the talk, it’s not like anything was getting better, and you knew then that nothing would ever be better. 
The hoodie that you had been wearing was pulled off, dropping to the ground with a heavy thud, the soaking fabric creating a puddle where it landed. The shower was turned on, the spicket turned all the way to hot. If this would be your final moment, you at least wanted to be comfortable for as long as it lasted. 
Hesitating was something you did often. You hesitated when having to pick a multiple choice answer on a test. You had hesitated a little too long when you were called to the front of the class to answer a question on the board. You even hesitated when Seungmin had asked you to be his girlfriend. Hesitation was just… your thing. Not now though, you didn’t hesitate at all as you climbed into the tub, lowering yourself down into the tub. There was no reason to take pause, your decision would affect no one, no one but yourself, and the only effect it would have on you was positive. You would finally be free, and you saw nothing wrong in wanting that. 
It was much easier to sleep, to let yourself drift off knowing that you’d have no worries left, knowing that once your eyes were shut, they would be shut for good. You let your wrists fall into the water that filled up around you, focusing only on the sound of the shower, the way it felt like rain as it poured down around you. You’d be okay soon, and while you didn’t know where you’d go or what would happen next… At least you wouldn’t be in hell, at least not this one. 
“I really have to go to the bathroom, stupid rain. Just wait here, I’ll be out soon.” Your roommate said as she burst through the door, the rest of her study group drenched as they filed in behind her. She knocked once on the door to the bathroom, then once more, rocking back and forth impatiently as she waited for you to give her the okay to come in. “Fuck it!” She called out as she pushed open the door, coming to a full stop when she saw you, the bath water a dark red as it inched closer and closer to spilling over the sides. “Help! Come help me! Oh my god! Call an ambulance! Fuck! What the fuck!?” She shouted, running over to the tub and grabbing your arms, holding them above your head to try to stop the bleeding. 
The rest of them rushed in, some of them screamed when they saw you, your color almost completely drained. Others were pulling out their phones, trying to make the same call at the same time. The ones who screamed were ordered to come over and help, their hands shaking as they tried to help your roommate pull you out of the tub. The others who were on the phone were all trying to tell your roommate and the few others what to do to try to help, at least until the paramedics arrived. 
It was strange how even with all the commotion, your mind was happy. You could hear all of it, but you refused to focus on it, scared that if you did it would bring you back to the hell that you called life, the hell that you were trying to escape. “Why would she do that? Why? Are her grades bad? She could have come to study group with us!” Someone had shouted, and if you weren’t feeling so tired, you might have actually laughed. Your grades were the least of your problems, they weren’t even on your list of problems. Of course, your roommate had never believed you either, so she had probably never brought it up to the rest of her group. 
“Check… Check to see if her heart is still beating!” One of the guys shakily ordered, and your roommate pressed her fingers against your neck, her eyes squeezed shut as she tried to focus on the feeling of the faint beat that came a little too slow. Time was running out, and you felt it too, it was a good feeling, to know that soon you’d gone. There would be no more suffering, no more nights spent lying in your bed crying as you wished that someone, anyone, would understand you, that they’d just listen. 
Sirens sang outside the building and you wished that you had done it earlier, that you hadn’t even answered the call from Seungmin. Maybe if you had cut a little deeper… maybe you had been hesitating, a little bit of hope left that maybe now someone would help. Did you really want to die or did you just want things to get better? Would things even get better? At least you were feeling tired, no matter what happened now, you’d be so out of it you wouldn’t remember. Maybe you wouldn’t wake up, maybe it would still work. Maybe… 
“Dude, have you seen on twitter?” Jisung asked, leaning back in his chair as he scrolled through his phone. Seungmin was sitting across from him, more focused on his meal. “There was a freaking suicide attempt back on campus… there’s literally live updates right now.” Seungmin rolled his eyes, not nearly as impressed as Jisung for some reason was. “That looks a lot like Y/Ns building! You should call her! See if she knows what’s going on!” 
The last thing Seungmin wanted to do was bother you when you had told him you were studying, but by the way Jisung was looking at him, Seungmin knew he wouldn’t let up. “Fine… But I’m not gonna force her to look at that. She can’t handle that kind of stuff.” He mumbled, pulling his phone out of his pocket. It’s not just that you couldn’t handle it, you absolutely hated stuff like that. You couldn’t even watch horror movies without hiding in Seungmins shoulder for the better half of the movie. 
Jisung watched as Seungmin dialed your number, his knee bouncing so much under the table that Seungmin could feel it in the floor. “S-Seungmin!” A male voice came over the phone, it wasn’t you at all, and the man sounded breathless and his voice was shaky. Now, Seungmin wasn’t the type of person to jump to conclusions, but he couldn’t help but get a little worked up when he heard anyone but you on the other end of the line. 
“Who are you? Where’s Y/N?” Seungmin hissed through the phone, his fist already balled up on the table as he awaited an explanation. Knowing you it would probably be a good one, one that would have Seungmin feeling foolish while laughing about it later with you. You probably just left your phone at the cafe that you always went to… But that wouldn’t explain the urgency in the person's voice… This was someone who knew something or had done something and it wasn’t good. “Where is she?” Seungmin asked again, and he could feel Jisungs eyes on him, eating up the drama without a word, enjoying it far too much since he wasn’t the one personally involved in it. 
“Hospital… Ambulance… Lia found her… Come fast…” The man said, and then the line went silent, leaving Seungmin to put the pieces together. He reached across the table to grab Jisungs phone, still open to the twitter feed about the attempted suicide, and as he scrolled through the pictures it became quite clear to him. Your room, with the yellow tape making a big X across the door, your bed that was still made just as it had been this morning. Your bag sat on the floor next to your nightstand where you always left it… And on the nightstand table was a picture of you and him together. 
“H-Hey! Where are you going?!” Jisung shouted as Seungmin pushed away from the table, his chair falling back and crashing against the floor as he ran to the front door and pulled on his shoes. The trip that he and the guys in his club had gone on had him miles away from you, of course that’s how it would work out, why wouldn’t it be like that? He needed to be with you the most right now and it would take him hours just to get there. “What is going on?! Come on, dude! Tell me!” 
“It was her!” Seungmin shouted to Jisung, although nothing would stop him from moving forward right now. He was on a steady track and it led only to you. He wasn’t crying, not yet, for now he kept the tears at bay with nothing but anger. Anger towards himself for not being there to stop it, anger with you for doing something so stupid. Did you even know what that would have done to him? He loves you, and you were going to just take yourself away from him like that without a word? Why didn’t you talk to him? Why didn’t you tell him? What was going on that would make you think to do something like that? He didn’t get it, and that was only pissing him off more. Right now he just needed to get to you, make sure that you’d be okay. 
~~~
“She lost a lot of blood, so we had to do a transfusion. She’ll be okay, we just need to keep watch over her, make sure everything stays good.” 
“Can I see her? Why aren’t you letting me in her room? What’s going on? Let me see her!” 
“They would like to talk to you first… Before you see her…” 
He sat in the lounge room, his hands folded on the table as he looked at the officer across from him. He didn’t know what it was about, but he tried his best to keep calm even though all he wanted to do was get to your room and sit beside you. “Kim Seungmin… You were her boyfriend, right?” The officer questioned and Seungmin narrowed his eyes as it set in that he was about to be interrogated for this shit. 
“I am her boyfriend… Present tense…” He responded, quite snarkily, but this felt like a complete waste of time to him. “Is there a reason why you’re doing this? Do you guys think someone else did this to her and set it up?” 
The cop shook his head, leaning back in his chair as he looked over Seungmin. “Where were you tonight? How did you know to come here? Seems like you came pretty fast too… Like you knew this was going to happen…” 
Seungmins eyes went wide and his jaw was slack as he stared at the officer. How could someone even insinuate that this was somehow his fault? “I was three hours away with my club. I’ve been out for almost a week going to different high schools trying to get people to apply to the university. I called her because my friend saw a bunch of posts on twitter about something happening… I didn’t know it was her until some random guy answered and told me.” He ran his hand through his hair, his teeth gritted as he closed his eyes, his composure slowly wearing thin. “I came fast because she’s my girlfriend… I’d like to think that anyone else would do the same thing. I broke a lot of traffic laws to get here as fast as I did.” 
“Do you two ever fight? Does it ever get physically violent?” The officer rapidly tapped his pen against his notebook, the sound going straight to Seungmins head, driving him absolutely crazy. The assumptions were absolutely preposterous, only fueling his anger towards the entire situation. 
“Look man, I don’t know what kind of information you’re fishing for, but I didn’t do anything. I’ve never laid my hands on her. I love her… And I really want to be with her right now. Can we be done with this?” 
“So you love your girlfriend so much, you never laid a hand on her… Yet she’s covered in bruises? If we didn’t know any better, it looks as though someone might have mistook her for a punching bag.” Seungmins stomach dropped as he listened to the officer, and while he knew that he himself hadn’t been the one to cause those marks on you, a certain rage built inside of him as he tried to think about who would hurt you like that. “Do you know of any accidents she might have been in to cause her kneecap to be entirely shattered? Do you know anything at all?” 
His head shook as his tears finally began to fall. You had never told him anything… What had happened to you while he was away? “I… I don’t know… I’d just really like to see her… Please…” His head dropped into his hands as he sobbed quietly, his body shaking with ragged breaths. 
Seungmin was no help to the investigation, and the officer quickly realized that, helping him out of his chair and then leading him out of the room, motioning towards the closed door that would soon open and reveal you to him. Were you awake yet? He had so many questions that he wanted to ask you, but the biggest question of all was why… Why would you do something like that? If you answered that one question, he’d have the answer to a lot of his other questions too. 
The nurse let him into the room, and seeing you, it had his heart breaking. You looked so weak, so fragile, your arms were completely wrapped up in gauze, your leg had been casted and hooked to a strap in the ceiling to keep it elevated. “Are you sleeping?” Seungmin whispered as he got closer to your bed, his fingers lightly brushing against yours as he stood beside you. The IV for the blood that was being pumped into you had to be inserted in one of the veins in your neck, the sight of it causing a cold chill to run up his spine. “I’m here now…” 
“Do you… believe me… now?” Your voice was so quiet, and your eyes were still shut, if there had been other people in the room he would have sworn it was someone else talking, but you were the only one there, and now he was trying to think of what you could possibly mean. “Was this… enough?” 
His hands held onto yours a little tighter as the reels in his mind turned, trying to understand what you were talking about, but nothing was coming up. “What are you talking about? I always believe you… What happened? Tell me, please… I want to help you… I don’t want this to happen again… Talk to me…” 
Your fingers twitched against his own, yet your eyes seemed to be glued shut, and even as he was watching your face, it didn’t even look like your mouth was moving even though words were coming out. “People are bad… Seungmin…” People are bad…. What does that even mean? What do you mean? Your answers were only creating more questions for him. 
“Visiting hours are over now, sir.” The nurse said from the door. He hadn’t been given enough time though, he needed to know, he needed to know what you were talking about. His head shook rapidly as he kept watching over you. He didn’t want to leave you, even if you didn’t answer any more of his questions, he wanted to stay beside you. “She needs to rest, sir… You can come back in the morning to see her. Okay?” 
It’s not like he had a choice, and he didn’t want to have to be escorted out by the officer who interrogated him, so he pressed a quick kiss to your forehead before walking backwards to the door. “I’ll be back tomorrow as early as I can… I promise. I’ll be back.” 
People are bad… He mulled over the words in his head as he walked through the parking lot and climbed into his car. What the hell did it mean? He couldn’t ask you now… And the only place he could go for any sort of answer was your dorm. Was it still taped off? It’s not like it was a crime scene… It should be open. 
The building wasn’t too far from the hospital, he was there within ten minutes, and when he pulled up he could see a group of people sitting on the bench outside smoking a cigarette. You always told him how you hated that, having to walk through the cloud of smoke just to get to the front doors, and it seemed like they would purposely blow it in your direction… People are bad… He’d always tell you that it was just the wind blowing it towards you, that people wouldn’t purposely do something like that. 
“I can’t believe she actually did that. What a fucking drama queen.” “She didn’t even write a note. It’s like she was looking for attention.” “How embarrassing for her boyfriend. He’ll probably dump her. Nobody wants to date the campus suicide risk.” “Oh please, it was embarrassing for him to date her in general. I’m sure he only did it out of pity.” “Whatever, the bitch should have cut deeper.” 
How could they talk so harshly about you? Were these the ones… the ones that you had told him about before? “Do you believe me now?” He hadn’t believed you then… If he had, would you have done this? He could have stopped them… He would have stopped them. They were still talking, loud enough for everyone to hear… And no one cared. No one cared enough to tell them to shut up, no one… You could be dead… And they talked about you like you were shit. 
“Hey, at least we’ll have a couple days out of class… You know… For like… Guidance or whatever.” “Oh yeah… We’re super torn up about it…” “If she would have done it right we’d probably have a week or two. Ugh… I swear, she’s fucking useless.” 
Red. All he saw was red as he got out of his car, slamming the door shut and going straight over to where they sat. “Shut up!” He shouted, and for a second, he thought they would keep quiet, but as soon as the initial shock wore off, they were all laughing. Their heads were thrown back as the boisterous laughter bounced off the walls of the building and rang in his ears. “I said shut up!” He screamed, and before he even realized what he was doing, his fist was cocked back and being thrown straight at the face of the girl who sat in front. 
Now, Seungmin wasn’t a violent person, not usually, but you were his girlfriend, he almost lost you, and while some might say that a college relationship means nothing, his relationship with you meant everything to him. “Hey man! What the fuck!?” One of the other girls shouted, her hand quickly moving to the main girl's face to catch the blood that trickled down her nose. “You can’t just fucking hit people like that! You’re a psycho!” 
Now it was his turn to laugh, his fists still balled up at his sides as he glared at every single person in front of him. “Really? I can’t just hit people like that but you can?!” The girl who had been hit scoffed loudly, her head rolling forward causing the blood to drip down her mouth and hang at her chin. 
“Don’t worry, he’s just the bitches boyfriend. She’s too much of a loser to fight back herself, I guess she got her boyfriend to do it for her. Or maybe she’s just not alive to do it.” She stood up from the bench, a cocky smirk on her face as she looked at him. “I guess she’s getting all the attention she wanted now. I did your bitch a favor. You’re welcome.” 
He completely lost it, he snapped, his hand flying back just to shoot forward, the smack that landed across the girl's face sounding much louder in the silence that surrounded them. “I find out any of you even so much as look at her… I’ll slit all your fucking wrists and break both your fucking knee caps. I’ll make you suffer, I’ll make you wish you were dead. I can and I will ruin you… Remember that.” 
He wasn’t this kind of person… Not before he had met you, but seeing you in the hospital bed, knowing that he had almost lost you forever, it had sparked something inside of him. He wants to protect you, he wants to keep you safe, and if that meant having to be like this… Then he’d do it without hesitation. People are bad… You weren’t wrong, people are awful… But he’d do everything and anything to keep those people away from you, to protect you from them. He’d stop at nothing to make sure that this never happens again. 
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On thin ice (Hockey player! Miguel O’Hara x Figure skater! Fem! Reader)
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Y’all… this word count… I’m was almost gonna slept it up but decided not too. Anyways hehe. Also the last chapter is gonna be posted on Halloween at the witching hour in PST, cause Halloween chapter! so I’m excited about that lol. The usual, not proofread, Miguel might be ooc.
(Y/F/N)- Your full name.
Not much Miguel and reader interaction but what is there is worth it. Me attempting to write about sports stuff I don’t know anything about even though I promise I did attempt research. Cursing (I think tbh I can’t even remember but probably), fluff (if you squint?????), I’m giving up on these tags lmao.
Word count: 2.8k
Series Masterlist
Chapter 14: Ever thought of callin’ when you’ve had a few? ‘Cause I always do.
It wasn’t entirely surprising how quickly you got everyone in your group to agree to go to the game later, although you were expecting Logan to be against the idea since he hates the sport, but apparently his want to see you and Miguel get together was stronger than his hate for hockey since he immediately agreed.
You were currently in your 4-way shared Airbnb getting ready for the hockey game, having already been kicked out of the dorms by the university despite there being a game tonight, which didn’t make sense in your opinion, but that’s neither here nor there. Usually you would usually travel back home during the breaks, but due to you and Logan participating in regionals this year, you had to stay in Nueva York, you had both decided to stay in one rather than a regular hotel since it would be cheaper, Kate and Xavier tagged along for emotional support.
“I’ve never actually attended a hockey game, what do you wear? Probably a crew neck or a hoodie right? It’s still an ice rink. Maybe I should wear school merch, ugh but the only school related jacket I have is our skating team varsity jackets.” Kate, Logan and Xavier just stayed silent as they watched you rambled on, their faces full of amusement (and from Logan just the slightest bit of annoyance) as they watched you freak out , glancing at you every once and a while as you kept pacing between the hallway bathroom and your room as you attempted to get ready for the game despite it not starting for another 3 and a half hours.
“You should have asked Miguel for one of his spare jerseys.” Logan teased as he wandered towards your doorframe and leaned against it as he watched you dump your suitcase over your bed. How the hell do you not have a red or blue jacket??
“Shut up Logan.”
“You’re overthinking this, you know.”
“What? No I’m not.” Oh, you totally overthinking this.
“He’s got you whipped.” Logan snickered, shaking his head as he crossed his arms over his chest. You in response threw a pillow in his direction, which he hit to dodge.
“You’re not funny Logan. Do you have a school sweatshirt I can borrow?” You said, releasing a deep exhale through your nose as you turn to look at him.
“I think I think I have a spear.” He replied as he picked up the pillow off the floor and tossed it on your bed. “I just don’t want Miguel trying to beat me up over you wearing my jacket.” He added as he walked over to where you were standing, stopping once he was right next to you.
“He wouldn’t, I promise. I won’t let him.”
“This is actually kinda fun to watch.” Xavier said to Kate, as she glanced over to you before back at the rink. The spiders were currently in the lead 2 to 1 and it was about to be the end of the first period, a little less than 6 minutes before the timer reaches zero.
“It’s totally scary though.” Kate said as she took a sip of her soda, you nodding in agreement.
“So glad I went into figure skating…” Logan muttered as his eyes widened, an almost horrified look spreading on his face, but he couldn’t look away. You would have giggled at his reaction if you didn’t feel the same way. Both sports are dangerous just in their own ways.
You turned your head as you saw Peter pass the punk to Miguel, who you believed was playing center, (you watched one of those 10 minute crash course videos on how hockey works before you came to the show because whether if you were aware of it or not, Logan was right about you being whipped already) as he was making his way closer to the goal, when one of the players on the opposite team came crashing into him back first. The other player’s elbow “accidentally” hit Miguel’s face, and Miguel was knocked back, landing against the wall as the player on the opposite side took the puck.
“What the fuck-.” You muttered under your breath in shock, cringing slightly as you watched Miguel’s hand going up to cover his mouth, his face wincing in pain, your hands going up to mirror his actions. As soon as Miguel’s hand made contact with his mouth, a timeout was called. The spider's couch went up to Miguel first, talked to him for a bit before walking over to where the referee was. You couldn’t hear anything from either interaction, so you just watched silently, ignoring your friends glances towards you, keeping your eyes on Miguel, worried written on your face. Miguel’s eyes shift around the arena, before finding yours, you can tell he’s trying not to cringe as much as soon as your eyes meet, as if he didn’t want you to see him in pain.
Once you two were looking at each other, you took your hand off your face and mouthed an “are you okay?” to which Miguel took his hand off his mouth and gave you a thumbs up and a smile, but his smile didn’t free you of your worries, in fact, it made it worse, before you could stop your body, you let out a gasp as your eyes widened. His mouth was bleeding, and it was bleeding a lot.
His expression seemed to falter a bit upon seeing your reaction, to what though you couldn’t really tell. Panic? Worry? You don’t know. Other then the initial pain he felt when the elbow made contact with his face, Miguel wasn’t really worried about his injury despite the metallic taste filling his mouth, he didn’t feel anything break or a tooth fall out, sure he’ll probably be sore from a few hours and will have to clean his mouth guard, maybe think about getting a cage instead (this wasn’t the first time someone has elbowed him in the face during a game) but he knows it’s a part of the sport, that’s what he signed up for when he started playing. So why was it that seeing the concern on your face made his chest tighten with guilt? Miguel didn’t have another time to dwell on his thoughts before his coach sent him to the locker room to clean up.
Miguel felt like he was going to go insane if he didn’t get the taste of blood out of his mouth. He’s already gone through 4 sticks of gum and had to refill his water bottle twice in an attempt to flesh out the coppery taste from his senses. He let out a frustrated huff of annoyance as he spat out another piece of gum and brought his water up to his mouth and took a big swig, gargling it a bit before spitting it out in a sink and finally started to make his way out, his bag with his gear slung over his shoulder as he exited the locker room. They had won the game luckily, but Miguel wasn’t as happy as he wanted to be about the victory, maybe it was because he was still mad about getting elbowed in the mouth, maybe it was because he had to be benched due to him getting injured so early in the game or maybe it’s because out of all the games he played this season, of course he got injured at the one you were attending.
Most of the team has gone home already, some stragglers were left, two of those being Miguel and Peter, and Miguel wouldn’t be surprised if you had left already, he probably would have if he was in your shoes. Maybe you got the ick from him now after watching him get hit in the face, and he would be back in square one all over again, the thought was more painful then the hit to his mouth. His mind was running a mile a minute as we made his way down the hall and towards the main exit to head to his car where Peter was most likely already waiting for him. As he walked, he was trying to keep his thoughts on his sore jaw and about the game, trying to to not think about how you saw him get hit, or how your face twisted in disgust at the sight of his bloody smile after you asked him if he alright, the embarrassment and angry he felt when after he came back from the locker room Coach Turner benched him, how-
Is that you talking to Peter in the parking lot???
“I should turn around and wait till she leaves…” he told himself under his breath, but his feet continued to move him closer to where both of you stood near Miguel’s car. Once he was a big closer Peter noticed him first, since your back was facing him, talking to him about something he couldn’t quite pick up on.
“Ah speak of the devil.” Peter said with a smirk, one you would haven’t thought much of, but Miguel knew that there was a smug undertone to it, as if he was right about something. “Sup Mig, we were just talking about you.” He continued as you turned to face him, your eyes widened for a split second as they scanned Miguel’s face, as if checking for more injuries, before you took a step closer to him, you hand instantly going to rest gently on his arm.
“Hey! Oh my god, are you okay? That hit looked brutal, god that jerk.” Miguel didn’t know if it was the way your tone and face went from concerned to annoyed as you spoke, or the way you hand went traveled from his arm to his chin, lightly gripping it and moving his face from side to side gently, mirroring his actions earlier in the day when he did the same to you after he bumped into you at lunch, but god did you make his heart burst with warmth.
“I’m okay ice princess, calm down.” Miguel assured you with a small smile, a chuckle escaping his swollen lips as he took your hand and brought it down away from his face, giving it a light squeeze as he did so. Neither of you have realized that Peter had slipped away into Miguel's car.
“Okay, okay good.” You sighed and nodded, glad to know he was relatively okay.
“Didn’t mean to get you all worried Princesa.”
You scoff, taking your hand away from him and lightly hit his chest.
“God, you always gonna say something stupid, huh?” You rolled your eyes, but your tone couldn’t hide the smile forming on your face.
“Of course I do, ice princess, how else am I supposed to annoy you?”
To say you were nervous was a complete understatement, you have never been more terrified for a skating performance in your life. It was your first time performing for regionals after all.
You had barely gotten a wink of sleep, a few hours at most, but you mostly spent the night twisting and turning, glancing at your phone to look at the time, before letting out a frustrated groan and pulling your sheets up a bit higher in an attempt to get yourself to finally sleep. But your attempts were mostly futile, finally throwing in the towel around 5:00 in the morning, deciding it would be better to spend your time Getting ready for the day you’ve been anticipating rather then attempting to get another hour of sleep you know you won’t get.
By the time the clock had struck 5:30, you'd already packed your equipment in your bag, and had loaded it in Logan’s car, not surprised when you saw his back already packed, before making your way to the kitchen to make yourself breakfast, something light but enough to keep you full till lunch.
“You couldn’t sleep either?” Logan asked when you saw him enter the kitchen, two Starbucks cups hand, passing you one as he took a sip of his, his voice low as to not wake up Kate or Xavier. You let out a hum and nodded your head as you took the one he handed you and took a sip, the caffeine making you wince as you feel it try to wake your body up a bit.
“We should hit the road soon, coach Kavinsky said we should be at the rink by 6 so we can make it in time for check in and make it for our off ice warm up.” You said as you stood up from your seat, putting your dishes in the sink.
“God, I didn't know our short program would take so long…” Logan huffed as you both threw your figure skating jackets over your performance outfits for the first half of the competition, as you both rushed down the arenas long hallway being careful to avoid running into some of the other pairs as you made your way back to the locker rooms to change.
“Did you see Kate and her boyfriend?”
“No. Did you see Miguel and his friend?”
“No. I didn’t get enough time to look around the seats to find them.”
“Same.”
You both dropped the conversation once you both reached your respective locker rooms. Quickly changing out of the first dress and slipped the second one on, it was a full black dress with long mesh sleeves and smoke black mesh on your sides, being sure to be careful with the gemstones that were placed around the waistline and the chest, and the black feathers that accented the back in order to look like a pair of small wings as you slip your jacket back on, before going to change your lip color and eye makeup.
You were stressing hard, hell, you were surprised you were able to apply your eyeliner with a steady hand. You didn’t need to rush, since you and Logan weren’t going back on the ice for a while since they still had a few short programs to go through before you were supposed to go back on, but you tended to rush when you were nervous. Once you finished fixing your makeup you went to touch up your hair, placing two feathered wing hair clips that pinned flat against your head to match the ones of your costume, one of each side of your head. As you were placing some more bobby pins in your hair to help keep the small wings in place you heard your phone ding next to where you had placed it next to all your supplies. Once placing the last bobby pin in your hair, you grabbed your phone to open it and look at the notification.
Hey, you did amazing, can’t wait to watch your other dance. -unknown number
Fuck how your heart skipped a beat.
You didn’t even need to ask who it was to know it was Miguel, although you never gave him your phone number, so you were a bit curious as to who he had asked for it, but for now you’d have to push that to the back of your mind and focus at the more important upcoming task at hand.
“Next skaters going for the free skate, (Y/F/N) and Logan Martinez.”
A pause as the two go into their starting positions before Swan Lake by Pyotr Ilyich Tchaikovsky begins to fill the arena, the two skaters cladded in black, the gemstones on their costumes, despite their small size, shimmered brightly from the lights. No sounds other than the music filling the rink and the occasional swish from the skates slashing the ice.
You might be representing the black swan but you’ve never looked more like an angel in Miguel’s eyes. Despite the tragic atmosphere that the performance was depicting, you looked absolutely heavenly to him, he shouldn’t be surprised, this is what you love to do, what you wanted to do for a living. But he’s never got the chance, no starch that, the privilege of watching you do a routine in all of your full glory. He’s caught glimpses of you and Logan doing both routines during practices, but that was different, you wouldn’t portraying the emotions like you were right now, you wouldn’t wear the performance outfit like you were now, and the energy you were putting into the routine was far more grand than when you would practice back on the uni’s arena. He could already see himself watching from home as you and Logan were representing the country in the Olympics, but then again, maybe it was just his heart talking,being overzealous. He didn’t know if it was the performance or just your presence that he couldn’t tear his gaze from, but he wasn’t even sure if he wanted to look away in the first place.
You and Logan were selected to advance to sectionals.
Taglist: @tayleighuh @cowboylikeevie @coralineyouareinterribledanger @jukioku @loser-alert @miguel-ohara-eater @serpentstarr @littlexscarletxwitch @darksidescorner @sukioyakio @minimari415
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froggy-anon · 4 months ago
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I don’t smoke (Except for when I'm missing you)
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Paring: pre re2!Ada Wong x gn!reader
Prompt: Your relationship with Ada was… let’s just say rocky for a while now. Low contact, constant work trips and unavoidable arguments while she’s home- it’s just too much. You both changed since she started working with Wesker …, and so did your body.
Warnings:  angst, body horror, no use of y/n, maybe nsft?, implied reader’s death, bebe you get infected so yeah but it wasn't meant to happen at least, semi-dependant reader, use of tobacco, vomiting, shitty punctuation and misuse of commas, canon divergence, semi-good ending???? idk
Word count: 2.3k 
Notes: omg did I finally post something instead of keeping it in my wips?? hell yeah! I might not be hyperfixating on RE now but I can't get Ada off my head. I mean- just look at her! She's perfect<3 Fucking hell it took me A LONG time to finally finish it but shh… Also only after writing did I realize that the idea is very similar to this fic my @uhlunaro so definitely check this out bc they’re an amazing writer<3
Actually proofread (like ½ for sure) by me omg
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It all happened too fast; it was just the usual Thursday morning, the smell of freshly ground coffee and the familiar scent of your lover were in the air as you made the breakfast and the eggs you made were perfectly crispy with runny yolk. Everything seemed to be like it used to but then the call happened… You knew who was it, everyone knew because who else would it be? It was supposed to be your day, you both took the day off and you spent the last few days planning everything out. It was your anniversary, the day you should celebrate your love and not some emergency in the lab! But of course… She was gone again. 
“Why can’t you just pretend that you love me for once!?,” was the last thing you cried out screamed at her as she left. It’s just painful to know that even today her work is more important. It left you weeping softly on the floor, as the yolk of the egg spilled more and more towards your feet from the plate you broke. “Why can’t we be a normal couple…” Your tears had flown out even more now that you were alone.
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Ada never liked when you smoked, she always said it left this awful scent on your fingers and breath but why would you care now? A soft breeze hit your face as you inhaled the smoke from your cigarette, who’d think that living near the river could be so nice? Loving Ada is tiring, she used to be one of the most caring and loving people you’ve ever known- even before you started dating! And now it all changed… Yeah, working in some big pharma company can be tiring but it’s ruining both of you. 
The butt of the cigarette was still slowly burning as you looked in the distance. She used to tell you how she grew up near the sea, how they used to go there every day after school and play until the dawn came. She used to say how she’d take me to her hometown in China. You never were even close to one, your parents used to take you and your brother to the countryside on holidays or visit the lake near your hometown; it wasn’t the same though. Loving Ada was never easy, she had her own problems as well as you had yours but before all this you both managed to heal, to thrive. You should’ve left when it started, before all the arguments and hate. It’s not a new idea but the thought of being alone again is scary. Ugh, you’re thinking too much, it makes you dizzy. Or maybe was it the cigarette?
You always get dizzy, maybe all this overthinking is too much for you. You head towards the kitchen sink and fill up a glass with the tap water. It was just a small argument, it wasn’t worth all the mess. You never thought that water would make you feel worse, no one would! We need it to live, so why your insides are burning? Who cares, anyway the mess won’t clean itself. It doesn’t feel right, nothing feels right. The burning sensation might’ve stopped but it was replaced with this sore, almost itchy feeling. Ada came home late again, she’s not looking better than you but as you greet her you could see a spark of worry in her eyes. Why would she worry? There’s nothing to worry about, right? All you can do is sigh and act like nothing happened, she surely flinches when you kiss her because she’s still annoyed over today’s morning…
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You woke up somehow more tired than before you went to sleep. Funny enough you also look like shit. Yeah, you can tell yourself that you caught a cold but if so, then why does my body itch so much? Ada looks less worried than tomorrow but finally is some more affectionate than usual. Maybe the fight made her think finally.
You miss her touch though; the way she smuggles up to your chest and how soft are her lips. You miss how she used to be so good. You miss how your life was before this Wesker guy. Good, she’s warming up again. She kissed you goodbye and said something about coming home later. Weird…
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It’s itching, itching so much. It feels like something is under your skin and it’s moving… It sure has to be a delusion, a hallucination maybe but it feels so real. Let’s try to calm down. okay? You can’t go to work while being such a mess and after all some DayQuill will help you a ton. You go to the kitchen and prepare some breakfast before popping some cold meds. You brush your still tangled hair to the side and oh my… I- it’s weird, you always had strong and healthy hair after all so why a clump of them is in your hand right now? I mean, I guess all all of the stress lately finally got to you, being a news reporter is not easy and it shouldn’t be. You sure will feel better when you’re finally in your work wear and clean face.
As soon as you get to the bathroom you hit the sink and rinse your face. It’s dry and surprisingly harder than always. As you lift your head and you look in the mirror, the rougher parts of your face look bruised. And there are some lacerations which weren’t there when you woke up- Ada would point them out for sure. It’s weird but that’s nothing that some makeup can’t fix. Also, it’s not like you can just get a day off at a whim. The amount of concealer you put on your face is enough to put a gyaru inro shame and yet your face still feels wrong and itchy. You brush your hair getlly while trying to not rip out another chunk of your hair and put on your usual shirt and blazer before putting on short heels on your sore and reddish feet. You sat at the vanity waiting for your usual makeup artist to return and rehearse your lines. It’s so hard to focus on the letters and it feels like you’re in a haze. It’s hard to explain really, mostly because it’s hard to form coherent thoughts too. No matter how much you rub your eyes and take small breaks you just can’t focus on anything. Words on the paper are blurry and there's always a silhouette of something or someone in the corner of your vision. It hurts and you’re almost sure that your feet are bleeding. You don’t even realize when the makeup artist has returned and been putting some TV stick on your face until she gets to the painful lesions you passed as some chemical burn from a face mask. Your concept of time is distorted and looking back now you don’t even remember when you and your colleague went live. Funny… You got suddenly sick and now you’re delivering the news of the water reservoir your apartment complex uses being contaminated.
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Black tar filled your lungs making your trachea burn so pleasantly. The smoke inside your lungs made you feel so giddy right before you exhale. Cigarettes always help you take your mind off your problems and help preserve good emotions. You know that one day they will be the end of you, but it’s not like you’re gonna live forever so why not have fun now? 
Shadowy figures followed you home from the studio, it’s surprising that you managed to work your usual shift. Even your coworkers caught on your ailing and lying to them that you’re just a bit under the weather felt bad. Bills ain’t gonna pay themselves though so you gotta do what you gotta do. Ada didn’t say anything about your illness and only looked at you pitifully compassionately before kissing your cheek, she even offered to make a dinner for today. You pulled into a hug and her warm touch against your calloused skin reminded you of the old times, of the days you first met and how beautiful your relationship was. She smelled like honey and antiseptics, you couldn’t stop yourself from taking a deep breath of her scent which made your heart flutter. Her skin is so soft and delicate, making you want to bite down and taste her flesh push her against the counter and take her whole, she’s your wife after all. Before you can do that though she pulls away and makes a beeline towards the fridge. The packs of water, the ones that appeared in your kitchen a few days ago, took your attention away from her. You couldn’t help but feel a bit suspicious.
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You didn’t sleep much- in fact, you didn’t sleep at all. Your body just kept itching and the nausea you felt as you forced down the dinner before got progressively worse. You can feel your body changing, turning into something disgusting as your skin gets progressively covered in more bruises and blisters where it seemed to be just irritated this morning. The taste of pennies in your mouth and dry skin on your lips isn’t doing you any favour either. It was only a matter of time before you ended up hunched over the toiled letting the dark ooze flow out of your stomach freely. Your vision kept spinning and those black creatures you saw before were coming closer. It’s not real, it has to be! Just try to remember that whatever you’re seeing is. not. real.
Throwing up usually makes you feel better; not this time though. Your eyes became watery and your fingers bloody as you gripped the toilet bowl. The odour of rotting flesh filled your nostrils and the sickeningly sweet note of it made you gag again. You dealt with rotten meat before on a few occasions and it never was so sweet.
“Shit!”
You broke out of your trance as the bathroom lit up.  Your head shot in the direction of the sound and of course, you noticed your worried lover standing in the doorway. Only a grunt was able to leave your mouth making your throat ache. “Are you okay?” She asked hesitantly as she approached. She looks scared for some reason? You’re just a bit sick, there’s no reason to be scared!
And then you looked down. The toilet was full of brownish-blackish and thick fluid and definitely not dinner. The sides of the toilet were covered in your blood and one of your nails was lying on the floor directly next to the bowl. You take a look at your hands and it makes your breath quicken. Your fingers were all purple and greenish, even some of the tips of your fingers were, unlike the spots on your skin, bloated.
“What the fuck is happening to me?” Your voice was husky and every word felt like a razor being pulled out of your throat. Ada just looked sad… You’d expect her to be scared, to scram, run away, but instead, she just kneeled next to you and pulled you into a loose embrace, as if she was scared to hurt you more.
It pained you, the lightest touch of her silky pyjamas or her warm hands made your skin feel like it was breaking and about to fall off. It was excruciating yet you laid your head gently on her shoulder. You should be scared, furious! You should feel whatever else than sorrow and warmth inside your chest. A few tears flew down your cheeks onto her arm as you bit down on your lip to stop a pathetic sob from escaping. You could feel her hand slowly crase your head like she always did before you used to fall asleep before your life became occupied by jealousy and your jobs took over your time, before your relationship went downhill. She let out a barely audible “I’m sorry…” and you swear you felt her breath hitch.
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They are scratching your brain, you can feel every bone in your body change its shape, or maybe you’re just going insane.
Ada is making phone calls in the kitchen as you sit at the dinner table and scratch your fingers, eventually ripping one or two loose fingernails off. She keeps glancing at you while trying her best to hide the fear in her eyes. Damn, a cigarette would be good now… You can feel your muscles tear with your every move and slowly fall off your bones. Necrosis on your skin expands and only a few spots on your body are left the same colour as before.
It hurts, it hurts it hurts it hurts ithurts ithurts ithurts ithurtsithutsithurtsithutrsithurst i t h u r t s  s o  b a d l y.
Suddenly you can smell the familiar scent of honey and now Ada’s shampoo as she wraps her hands around you from behind. She looks so soft and tasty, so vulnerable. Her touch hurts so good you want to fall into her tight embrace, squeeze her waist tightly and fuse into one. It makes you feel loved again… And then your body stops aching.
You felt sudden force against your neck like you were punched, and then something lukewarm flowing down your chest as Ada creases your cheek slowly. It hurts for a while until it just stops. Everything just fades…
“I don't smoke Except for when I'm missing you To remember your mouth, how it Tasted true And I don't smoke Except for after I've held you, baby Being with you Makes the flame burn good”
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It took me so long to finally post something but here it is! I hope you like the creation of euphoric me because let's be real, no way I'd write this fully without being euphoric :3 Technically it should've been posted on Pride Month but shh...
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Dividers: @cafekitsune p1 p2
Song: I don't smoke by Mitski
©2023, froggy-anon and their related entities. All rights reserved.
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harlowtales · 1 year ago
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Reader X Jack are enjoying a lazy day with their new puppy until reader goes too far and pays the price.
18+ Sweet/Romance/Smut 🚨⚠️
“How are you feeling babe? It’s almost roll out time.” You said affectionately as you ran your fingers through Jack’s curls with his head in your lap. At first you didn’t like the mullet, but now, it turned you on even more if that was possible.
“I’m feeling good baby. It’s finally done and I can chill with you in my biggest, baggy clothes and just fucking play with the puppy.” Jack said and pointed up at you with his lips ready for a kiss.
She was so good when you were gone weren’t you sweetheart?” You cooed at the brown poodle as she jumped up on you wagging her tail enthusiastically.
It was you and Jack’s first attempt at taking care of something together. So far Jack was the doting dad. He ran out and bought everything a puppy could want.
Ok I’ll take her outside for a bit he said getting up from lazing around happily in your lap.
You were having a convo about his first single from the new album dropping. Jack was not super into promo so he was looking for a simple and quick idea to generate buzz.
“You know what Jack, that clip you released on Tik Tok did so well for First Class, why not just do that again?” You suggested.
“What here right now?” He said
“Right now with pups.” You said with that look on your face that Jack couldn’t say no to.
“K what do you want me to do.” Jack said open for anything you had to say.
“Just play with her and sing some of the lyrics.” You said
“That’s it?” He said raising an eyebrow
“That’s it and we’ll put it up. It’ll go viral.” You said assuredly.
“Ight. You know best baby.” He said and started playing with the puppy with the phone on the floor. You looked on in awe of how sweet they both were. These were the simple times you craved with Jack and now your new fur baby. You hoped for a real baby someday with him.
“That was awesome! Let’s post it, don’t redo it or overthink it.” You said and posted it right away. You checked back in an hour and was so excited to see the views, saves, likes, and comments already. “Babe!!! It’s going crazy!” You exclaimed hitting Jack in the arm with excitement.
“That’s all you baby thank you.” Jack said as he snuggled with you on the couch. Little puppers fell asleep in the little space between your legs and you laid on your boyfriend.
“So what are we binging this weekend?” You looked up and asked him
“Anything you want bubs.” He said nuzzling his nose into your neck giving you little kisses with his soft pink lips.
“Pinch me I’m dreaming.” You said wistfully and playfully scruffed up his beard. He wrapped his muscular arms around you and you felt him growing through his sweatpants
“Babe. No, I wanna just chill.” You said
“I’m not starting anything.” Jack lied as he pressed his hips into your back for you to feel the bulge even more.
“You vanilla and a baby anyway.” You said kissing your teeth and rolling your eyes
“Say that again.” Jack challenged. “Matter fact…off me.” He said pushing you to the side enough so he could get up and put the puppy in its cage. “Bedroom. NOW.” He ordered pointing to the bedroom you recently started sharing with him.
“Jackman I was just kidding. They’re your lyrics!!!” You protested as you marched to the bedroom
“You ain’t using my songs against me woman.” Jack said as he closed the door. “Take everything off.” He said and just laid back waiting for you to comply.
“You can’t be serious.” You said half giggling, half afraid. He was being so intense. Jack had a great sense of humour but part of him didn’t like to be ribbed or teased.
“Slower.” He said as you started taking off your clothes. You slowly pulled the TShirt you were wearing that was his over your head. As it landed on the floor you undid your bra’s front clasp to reveal firm beautiful natural breasts and slipped off one strap, then another. He grasped his hard-on building in his sweatpants, taking it all in.
“Turn around and close your eyes.” He said then he walked away. Was this a prank? You thought.
“Jackman….where did you go?” You called out as you stood there in just your underwear with your eyes closed
You felt cold leather and Jack breathing behind you. He placed a blindfold over your eyes and lead you to where you could feel the bed.
“This vanilla enough for you?.” He said in a sexy but sinister way.
“You know what Jack? You’re not vanilla at all baby.” You pleaded
“No take backs” Jack said sternly.
He gently bent you over and tied your hands behind your back with one of his neck ties. “Jack?? Baby, I like that you’re not really adventurous babe.” You said making it worse for yourself.
“Do you ever shut up?” He asked calmly and you could hear the smile in his voice. His fingers trailed up your inner thighs and moved your underwear to the side.
You felt the head of his impressive manhood testing and teasing your space. Gently poking, pulling back out and poking in only half way again. With each slight reentry you responded with more and more slick approval. “Ummmmmmm” You moaned wanting him to just put all of it in but afraid to demand it lest you paid the price.
“Vanilla huh?” Jack said circling around you now, producing a belt from behind his back.
“Jack no you are….my god so thrilling.” You said apologizing
“Say it like you mean it.” He said snapping the belt making you jump nervously. Where was all this coming from? Most times were mostly missionary, but here you were tied, blind folded, and bent over at 2 o’clock in the afternoon.
“Jack please.” You begged and he loved it. He teased your bare behind with the belt trailing the smooth leather over one cheek before giving you a little tap just enough to sting. An electric shock ran up your spine as you gasped and a red sore spot was left behind.
He untied you but left you blindfolded grabbing a vibrator from the nightstand. Your vibrator that you didn’t know he knew about. He laid you on your back and held it to your clit driving you insane. Taking the vibrator he slowly put it into your sore space that was wanting more. “Fuck Jack!” You cried out as he sucked on your clit while driving the vibrator in and out of you. He saw all the cum dripping from it and needed that to be him inside you now.
He put you on your side holding one of your legs in the air with his soft hand applying pressure to your throat. He pumped you hard making you scream, pausing and driving deeper for you to feel every inch pressing your G spot. Your legs shook as you erupted in agony. Covering your mouth he got more and more aggressive until he felt your single tear trickle down his hand.
He gave you time to breathe as he stroked himself and came up to your mouth. He positioned you where he wanted you with your head upside down. “Be a good girl and open for baby boy.” He said patting the side of your cheek. You opened wide as he thrust into your mouth making you hold his thighs to steady yourself. You drooled all over him as he repeatedly slid his whole shaft down your throat until he let you come up for air.
He couldn’t take it anymore and took off your blindfold. You enveloped his warm pulsating sack with the fleshy warmth of your mouth and sucked as he jerked and came all over your breasts. “Y/n ah my god!” He exclaimed in painful pleasure smearing his sweet cream all over your chest. You cradled your breasts licking it off. He collapsed beside you on the bed both of you naked, heaving, and glistening with sweat.
You heard the puppy whining in the cage. “Perfect timing” he said recovering his breath “Coming little sweetie.” He called out to the puppy and pulled on his sweatpants to tend to her.
You stayed motionless on the bed not able to move or speak. “I guess I was wrong.” You thought “My favourite flavour is vanilla now.”
@jacks-daycare @ride4harlow @itsyagirljaz
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skytellar · 5 months ago
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author note: hiiiii, this is my first postttt and i hope y’all like it and tell me how i diddd. i’ve never posted anything on this app so idrk how to do it very well…. 😟😟😟… anyway this is something i scrapped a few moths ago. okay i’ve been yapping for a while adios.
warnings: not much it’s fluff, OCD, body insecurity, skin color insecurity, academic validation, cussing (duh) (i think that’s all teehee)
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Could life get any worse god. This essay was actually going to be the fucking death of her. 10 pages, 10 pages of nothingness as it felt. She couldn’t help but repeat the same words, was she dumb? Why was this so hard, this normally comes easy, school is supposed to be easy, the one thing she holds on to. How can school be the one thing shes good at, and I still manages to fuck it all up. 2 pages in, and its due in 2 days, what the actual fuck.
All she feel next to her is humming next to her ear as she tries to continue working, as if her brain is short-circuiting or something. She manages to type maybe 2 sentences more, before she bashes her head into her hand out of frustration, she couldn’t possibly get angrier. The hand around her waist squeezes and she turns around. “Baby, please don’t stress. And please don’t do that.” Rafe commented. He put both hands on her hips and pulls her forward to him, he looks at her forehead that she just hit. He kisses her forehead 3 times, he knows that how she likes it. 3 times.
“Maybe take a break hun, you’ve been overworking yourself for probably four hours now.” He pointed out as he rubbed her temple, knowing it would ease her temper and stress. “No, I can’t take another goddamn break. I’m being so fucking lazy. God.” She snaps. She felt as though she had accomplished nothing, this essay was her semester exam and she had a 5.0 GPA because of all of her AP’s.
She would absolutely wreck it if she didn’t get an A+ on her exam for AP Lit. “Baby, you’re the most hardworking person I know. Farthest from lazy, you’ve been working far too long. How about we go for dinner, grab a Baha-Blast from Taco bell on the way back, and you can write 2 more pages when we get back? Okay?” He said it as though it was a demand rather than a question.
She thought for a moment. It made her feel bad rather than better. He was too good for her, he did too much. She didn’t deserve him. He saw her lack of a response, knowing she was probably overthinking it. He looked her dead in the eyes, giving her a “please-i-love-you-so-much-baby” look. “Get dressed okay? Please bug?” He asks, knowing she can’t possibly say no.
“You’re impossible,” she scoffs jokingly as she gets up to get dressed. Rafe does his little victory dance and goes to the closet to pick out clothes. She’s on the opposite side of the closet, picking her dress from her side of the closet. She goes through probably 10 dresses and sighs. She felt like she wouldn’t look good in any of them. She was nothing like the girls he’d had before. She wasn’t blonde. Her eyes weren’t blue. She didn’t have that perfect hourglass figure. And she wasn’t white.
How could she possibly compare? She didn’t even believe he was ever attracted to her, even though he makes sure to let her know probably every hour of the day. Why couldn’t her stomach just be flat. She wasn’t overweight, but she wasn’t the skinniest either. Her body had always been a sore subject, barely wearing any revealing clothing. Hoping no one would notice that Rafe’s perfect girlfriend was a fucking lazy whale. Her hair was also something she wished was never a problem for her. She has really curly hair, which she has to fight a full-fledged battle with everyday for it to look remotely decent, like she actually washes it. Why did she have to be like this, and why did he choose her?
By the time she’s at her peak of her thoughts, two hands wrap around her waist from behind. She looks up at her 6’2 boyfriend who was a foot taller than her. He was already fully dressed and ready, cologne and everything. God he smelled fucking delectable. “Have you picked what you want to wear yet bug?” He asked in a deep tone. Fuck, he was so hot. Why couldn’t she be on his level, or why couldn’t he find anyone better. “Still thinking, none of these look good on me.” After hearing that, he looks down at her wide-eyed, as if he was in shock. “What? Bug what are you on about?” She raises her eyebrow back at him, her eyes saying, “You heard me.”
He lets go of her and backs up, hands in the air, “This is shocking. I don’t think we are thinking about the same person! My girlfriend?” She rolls her eyes in return and says, “Okay, if you’re so sure, pick a good dress for me, smart guy.” He smirks in return, “Game on.” He goes towards the dresses, and looks through them, trying to find something he knows she will like and look amazing in. He finally stops at a long hot pink dress, with spaghetti straps, and a low cut. He bends down to grab some heels to go with it, picking some white pumps. He grabs the outfit and drops it in her hands.
“As I said, easy.” She lightly pushes him and walks over to the side to change. As she picks up the dress she gives him a look. She doesn’t change and just keeps looking at him. He doesn’t get the message, so she has to say it herself. “Um baby, can you leave while I change.” He is taken aback, but silently. She doesn’t catch his reaction but just continues waiting. He just walks over and gives her a big hug, his arms around her waist, “Bug, you’re beautiful. If you think anything less than that, I’ might as well be a scrap of garbage on the street.”
She slightly smiles at his attempt at a joke, he pulls away from the hug and starts to walk out. But she keeps holding onto his hand and says, “Stay, Its okay.” He goes in for a second hug, even tighter than the last and kisses her head. “I love you bug.” And then he quickly pulls away and sits on the bench in the corner of the closet as she begins changing.
She quickly slides off her t-shirt, but keeps on the shorts so she can wear them under the dress. The silky dress finds its way to slither down her body, and she pulls the straps up. The dress hugs her body in all the right places, making her look amazing. The low-cut made her boobs look fabulous, she turns over to rafe and he feels as though defiantly made the right decision with that dress. “Okay, you win” she scoffs. He practically squeals in excitement. She makes her way to their shared bathroom to do her hair.
She picks up the sprayer to wet her hair, he stands behind her, to watch. She begins to brush her hair with the brush. A struggle, but hopefully it would look at least half-decent tonight. She roughly brushes it to get out the tangles, when a hand takes the brush out of her hand. “Damn, you’ll be bald if you keep doing that. ” His deep voice vibrates against her ear. He lightly brushes her hair, somehow taking out the tangles? It was never that easy for her. He was good at this.
After a few more passes, her hair is completely untangled. She rolls her eyes at his victory smile in the mirror. She grabs her curl products and starts putting them in softly, her hair feeling amazing. When she finishes, she begins touching up her makeup, already having some from today. After finishing most of it, the last step is lipstick, best for last. She begins putting on her favorite Anastasia Sugar Plum lipstick, with cherry lip gloss on top.
She turns around to see Rafe still standing there, just watching her. He leans down for a kiss but she rejects it. “Uh-uh, not with my lips done” He rolls his eyes and kisses her cheek 3 quick times. Since she already had her heels and purse, he picked her up bridal style all the way to his car. She loved how he got rid of all of her problems with a look and his show-it-off shiteating grin.
She loved him.
˚₊‧꒰ა ☆ ໒꒱ ‧₊˚ ˚₊‧꒰ა ☆ ໒꒱ ‧₊˚ ˚₊‧꒰ა ☆ ໒꒱ ‧₊˚ ˚₊‧꒰ა ☆ ໒꒱ ‧₊˚
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cookinguptales · 28 days ago
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guess it's time for the vent post
(note: I will be okay. usually my ketamine treatments help with pmdd symptoms, but occasionally a treatment won't hit quite right and things will get worse for a couple days. I'll be okay, though, I'm just feeling... well, a cocktail of self-doubt, anxiety, loneliness, and overthinking. lmao)
anyway, full disclosure, this won't be a very nice or happy post and is probably the kind of thing I would've posted in a locked LJ entry back in the day but that doesn't really exist in the same way anymore so just bear with me. I need to just. get it out somewhere.
lately I've really been worrying that I'm not capable of being in a normal relationship anymore. like, I was never great at social interaction, but I'll admit that things really took a fucking nosedive after a particularly bad relationship with a woman who. well, I don't think it's a night for particulars. she was an adult and I wasn't. I was very lost, very lonely, and very sick back then, and she really enjoyed being the only person I felt like I could count on.
I... was wrong, I guess.
and... idk, I've definitely had a lot of nights since then (and days with therapists) where I try to sort through how exactly that affected me and my ability to form meaningful romantic relationships. I have a difficult time feeling safe with people. honestly, I did even before her (I had... a very fucked-up home life) but it was harder after. and let's just say that a lot of my friends at the time turned out to be... less than friendly when the shit hit the fan.
so... yeah. hard for me to open up to people in a meaningful way, I guess. like, I can tell strangers about my anxieties, but it becomes harder for me to do once we're friends. and even then, I guess I can trust people with my thoughts but not my... idk, emotional safety.
once when I was pretty tipsy I told a friend that I didn't think I could love the kind of person who would actually love me back, and I still worry that it's true. I allow myself feelings very rarely, and when I do, it's always for people who don't feel the same way.
I never... like... set out to do it... I don't think it's a conscious thing. I fell for straight girls a few times. then bi girls with boyfriends. I did eventually make it to single lesbians, but they always ended up either getting girlfriends, not wanting to date at all, or just not wanting to date me.
to be clear, I don't blame any of them. but I'm starting to wonder if maybe I should be blaming me...? like, I never knew that any of them were straight or coupled or uninterested when I developed feelings myself. but I wonder if subconsciously, I picked up on it...?
for a while now, I've been genuinely worried that My Type is girls who aren't into me. :')
like, not consciously. but subconsciously, am I just picking up on the fact that they're not attracted to me? or they're safely ensconced in another relationship? or they are comfortably not dating at all? but either way, they're not looking at me like a potential partner, and I like that?
some days I feel like I've mostly healed from everything that happened, and other days I feel like I'm just going to be broken and fucked-up and unlovable forever. like, jesus christ, have I learned to associate people who actually want me with danger? do I only feel safe with people who aren't attracted to me? is that why that's the only kind of person I ever want to date?
good god, that's fucked up.
I mean, the only two alternatives, really, are that I am just incredibly unlucky or the meaner parts of me are right and people really just don't want a fat cripple with a mediocre personality.
the latter probably isn't entirely true. men are easy, unfortunately, and I'd be happier if they didn't want me.
(and then you run into the special kind of anger that happens when a woman that a man thought was beneath them actually turns them down, oof. guess they thought the girl with the cane would be more desperate, huh?)
and I've been on a few dating app dates with girls who seemed to like me well enough, but like. just no chemistry whatsoever.
is the special spark??? a woman not wanting me???
food for fucking thought.
anyway, I guess I just kind of avoided thinking about it for a long time but I'm in my mid30s now and it kind of feels like I have avoided things for too long now! that's pretty old to have never had a long-term relationship! other than with the fucking creep who wanted to ~teach me about sex~ back when I was young and less disabled and maybe still worth something!
I guess that was uncalled for, but some days I really do feel like there was a window and boy did I fucking miss it. like everyone else had this chance to learn their way around a romance and I spent mine hooked up to hospital wires and texting with a grown-ass woman who fed on youth.
I recognize that a key part of grooming -- and abusive relationships in general -- is their ability to make you feel like they are the only person who will ever love you. I also recognize that these people are very good at finding the one kid in the room who believes at their core that they will never be loved. (or even make it to age 20, I guess. didn't know if the whole intermittent blindness thing was going to kill me or not back then.)
but goddamn do I still feel like she hollowed me out and took all the parts of me that were lovable with her. like maybe she will be the only woman who ever wants me, and that's fucking horrifying to think about.
there are nights where you just stare at the wall and wonder what made you so damn attractive to pedophiles, y'know? I knew enough at that age to shake off the men, but her? didn't even see it coming.
and I suppose there are the worse nights, the ones where you wonder if normal, well-adjusted, not-creepy people never would have wanted you even if you weren't too damaged to carry on a real relationship. like maybe I was insufferable enough without the ptsd. catnip for creeps and not much else.
damn, dude, why am I so good at pulling men who follow me home from the bus stop but not women who actually care about my well-being. that's the question.
idk. I feel like at this point, like... 75% of me has come to terms with it. like, I guess it's just not something that happens to everybody. not everyone finds someone who loves them and who they love in return. not everyone is cut out for that life.
but then I look at my own writing and the way I just keep doing it, I just keep latching onto broken characters who have had the best parts of them hollowed out, who believe that they are unlovable, and I write a story that says no, you're not. Here, I've made someone for you who loves you wholly and desperately, even broken as you are.
and I feel like that must be the last 25%, huh? or at least the part of me that wants to comfort broken creatures, whether those creatures are characters I made up or ones I didn't or my readers or the people I read about on the news or maybe a 15yo kid who just wanted someone to fucking love her.
I want to take care of her so badly now. I want to love her in a good way, not the selfish kind that takes and takes and takes until there is nothing left. But I guess I just don't know how.
I realized the other day that I just wrote a book that I would have loved at that age. Now I kind of feel like I've been writing bedtime stories for a ghost.
I'll be okay. I always am. It's just... a rough night. They come and they have always come and they will always come and all I can do is write.
Just wish it were something more comforting this time. :')
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hyunchanstan · 7 months ago
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I'LL BE YOUR FIRST LOVE : chapter 1
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[GENERAL]: single!dad!chan x fem!reader, strangers to lovers, smut (warning in each chapter) . fluff, Chan is readers first love
[ WARNINGS IN THIS CHAPTER]: mentions of death, mentions of car accident, hospital, reader has depression, nightmare (let me know if I forgot something)
[ AUTHOR'S NOTE]: Hiiiii, it took me a bit longer to write this new chapter cuz i was super busy. Im rlly excited to post this. Thank u guys for the activity on my last post, luv u all!!
!english is not my first language so I apologize if there are any mistakes!
You were currently sitting at some cheap airport café, staring on a plain white wall. You took a sip of your americano as you were examining the cracks on the wall in front of you – it reminded you of your heart now. Back then, when the airport was built, the walls were all new and without any cracks -just like your heart when you were young-. But after so many years the walls started to crack because of how much they went trough -just like your heart now-.
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You took another sip of your ice americano and the cold liquid going down your throat woke you up from your 10 minutes-long zoning out session. You were overthinking again. You didn't know if this was a good idea because you wanted to forget about past three weeks and start a new life, but at the same time you were scared that all the good memories with your parents will stay in France, left behind.
You took your purse and went to the plane. You didn't even have a backpack because you didn't take any makeup or skin care with you on the plane - you were sick of everything, you didn't even have the energy to take care of yourself. But it wasn't like you cared anyways, you were glad that you were still alive.
You sat down into your seat and slept through the whole flight.
Flashback
"Mom?...Dad?...", you shouted from the front door as it seemed like nobody was home. You took off your shoes and went further in the apartment but nobody was there. You still lived with your parents because they were like best friends to you. You didn't have any other friends besides your mom and dad, you felt safe and comfortable with them.
"Mom? I'm home...", you shouted once again but still no response. It was weird because it was already 9PM - you just came back from your dance practice - and they still weren't home when they usually come back home from work around 6PM.
You went to the living room, with an uneasy feeling, you grabbed the remote and turned on the TV. You liked to do that when you were home alone because you didn't like silence so that there was always same noise in the background. You went to the kitchen to make yourself something to eat while listening to the TV.
"Welcome back after a short break. You can therefore see the collision of a car with a bus from the live broadcast. A few minutes ago, an ambulance came to the place where the accident happened too, but the older couple didnt survive the brutal crash by the bus. Based on the shopping bags in the trunk of the car, we think that the couple was going back from the store only few blocks away from here when the bus hit them from the side and the cap flipped on its roof. The driver brake his ligaments and his wife didn't survive serious head injuries...".
It caught your attention and you went back to the living room. You looked at the TV and that was the moment your heart broke into million ting pieces no one will ever be able to stick together again - or at least you thought.
' No... It can't be... It's not...‘, you thought in your head. The car that was flipped on its roof was your dads car. You quickly ran out without any shoes or hoodie on to go check your dads garage. There was no car, that means your parents went somewhere. You couldn’t believe it was them so you ran to the place where the accident happened only a couple of minutes ago.
You saw your dads car flipped on its roof in the middle of the road. There were plenty of people around watching and recording the whole situation, but you were still searching for the two specific people until... You saw them lying on the side of the road as two policemen were just covering then with white sheets.
You still couldn’t believe. They were gone... for good. You didn't have anyone now. The people you loved the most are really not here anymore?.....
You ran to the two motionless bodies on the side of the road and ineeded down beside them as you broke down into tears. You took your moms hand while praying that this is all just a stupid nightmare and you will wake up soon. But that never happened. As one of the policemen was trying to tale you away from there you took your moms ring off of her finger and put it into your pocket - it was her engagement ring your dad gave her.
You sat down in the grass and watched the whole situation from afar still tasting the salty tears on your lips. You didn't actually feel that you were crying, you didn't feel anything at all - you felt numb, you felt like everything died inside of you. THAT is the only thing you felt.
"Ma'am... Wake up...", you suddenly heard from afar. You looked around trying to find the lady who called you.
End of flashback
You woke up breathing heavily, tears streaming down your face like waterfalls. You had another nightmare. You wiped your tears trying to calm down. You see them everytime you try to sleep - that's the reason why you didn't sleep at all for the past three weeks, you're tired. Really tired - of your life.
You got off of the plane and waited for your suitcase to arrive. Few minutes later you were already sitting in a taxi on your way to your new apartment. You paid the driver for the ride and got out of the car. You took your suitcase and looked at the huge modern-looking building in front of you - your new life.
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sotteoks · 2 years ago
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Just Touch | 🔞
──★ ˙pairing: Kihyun x Fem!Reader ──★ ˙warnings/contents: SMUT, p*rn with just a crumb of a plot, a tiny bit of angst at the end, established relationship, friends with benefits trope, lowkey toxic relationship tbh, soft dom!kihyun, sub!reader, some cockwarming at the beginning, slight overstimulation, light dirty talk, like a sprinkle of dacryphilia, let's assume reader is on some form of contraception bc of the multiple creampies and orgasms, ... please let me know if i missed anything ! ⸜ (。˃ ᵕ ˂) ⸝ ──★ ˙word count: 2.5k ──★ ˙summary: the boundaries of your relationship with Kihyun always seem to get a little blurry in the heat of the moment. ──★ ˙ a/n: chances of this story having a second part are highly likely. i just need time to brainstorm. keke
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When the night is over, where are you going?
It’s a simple arrangement, really. There’s a mutual understanding that no love is involved so there shouldn’t be any sadness when the two of you part. Emphasis on shouldn’t. Though Kihyun knows that neither of you have any romantic obligations toward each other, he does hate the way that he can’t ask you to stay for anything longer than a couple hours. It’s not like he wants you to stay the night because he wants to fall asleep in your arms and wake up to your beautiful face then make breakfast after some tender and slow morning sex. 
Absolutely not. 
That would be crossing into territory that both of you know better than to explore.
Kihyun just hates that as soon as the two of you finish the deed, you run away from him like the two of you weren’t good friends prior to deciding to add some fun benefits to your relationship. You were like Cinderella, running off before the clock hit midnight and always leaving something behind as if you were asking him to chase after you. 
But tonight, he was going to try and keep you around for as long as possible. Even if it was just a few seconds longer than usual.
“We’ve been at it like rabbits and you’re still horny?” You tease Kihyun, albeit a little breathless as his lips press light kisses along the expanse of your chest. At the sound of your words, you feel his lips curve into a subtle smile against your skin. Peeking up at your face through his lashes almost demurely like the gorgeous human he was, Kihyun notices how radiant you managed to look with your makeup streaked and smeared in your post orgasm haze. Just the sight of you in your current state made his cock twitch as it remained buried within your sensitive pussy; pulsing ever so slightly around his length as you were trying to calm down. You lost the energy to keep your legs wrapped around Kihyun’s waist a while ago, but it seems like he’s unphased by that and intended on making himself a home between your spread legs anyway.
“You just feel so good.” Kihyun murmurs in response. His kisses had finally wandered up along your neck and jaw until his plush lips were gently brushing against yours as he wondered if kissing you during sex like this was an act of intimacy he could engage in with you. Not even five minutes ago, he had filled you with his seed; why was there so much debate on whether or not he was able to kiss you on the lips just because of the nature of your relationship?
Before Kihyun could fall victim to his habit of overthinking, the sensation of your walls easing up on him and making it possible for him to move again grounds him back into the moment. Sitting up straight and creating some distance between the two of you, fingers clad in silver rings are digging into the meat of your thighs as he pulls your lower half flush against his hips. As your body slides against the sheets toward him, a small yelp of surprise escapes you at the aggressive action.
The first few thrusts start off slow, but incredibly deep; making your eyes roll back as you feel Kihyun fucking his previousload deeper into you and it’s almost like a knee jerk reaction for you to throw your arms around his shoulders to satiate this overwhelming desire to be close to him once more. Your walls once again start to clench around him trying to hold him in place however it only encourages Kihyun to pick up the pace as a countermeasure to the way you just kept sucking him back in. 
“So cute,” He comments with a sly smirk as he starts to piston into you. “It’s almost like your pussy doesn’t want me to leave.” 
“Just shut up and fuck me.” You groan out, feeling your face start to heat up in embarrassment which prompts you to shyly avert your gaze elsewhere.
It was as clear as day that Kihyun had some stake over your body if every time he called you to come over and fuck, you would literally drop what you were doing. A measly kiss from him was literally all it took to ignite the flames of lust and get you hot and bothered for him. 
But of course, that was something you wouldn’t admit to out loud; the physical reaction he was able to elicit from you should have provided him enough gratification.
However, when it came to you Kihyun tended to become a bit greedy. Being just friends stopped being enough at one point. Then sneaking around having quickies whenever you saw each other at social events didn’t cut it. Currently, Kihyun was in the process of deciding what to ask of you next since having you come over to hook up on the regular was slowly starting to feel stale. Not because the sex was getting boring, the sex itself was amazing, but there was just something missing from the relationship.
The rough thrusts keep coming as Kihyun loves the way your body responds to it. In the moment, it warms his insides with this sense of pride knowing how much you loved the way he fucked you. From the way obscene moans you can’t control pour from your lungs and how you let out little whimpers of his name to the way your tits bounce with every snap of his hips against yours or how your eyes watered whenever you were about to cum; it was all the encouragement he needed to fuck you until the sun came up. When you dig your nails into his shoulder blades the same time he changes the angle of his thrusts, the tip of his cock pressing against your g-spot, it’s like a nice extra treat to him.  
“A-ah, fuck!” You cry out, squirming about and whining as Kihyun’s hips move rapidly with precision; continuously stimulating that sensitive spot within you until you feel tears pricking the corners of your eyes. Through your slightly blurred vision and your hazy brain, you can see Kihyun looking down on you with a smug grin on his face. 
He knows you’re gonna cum again. And he knows your orgasm is building up significantly faster than the last few he blessed you with. He even knows that you’re trying oh so hard to stave off your climax; your body could never lie to him.
“Cum for me.”
Three simple words posed as a demand is all it takes for you to come undone again, your nails raking across Kihyun’s flawless skin and leaving bright red scratches in their wake. Your walls clamp down on his fat cock for the third time tonight, trying to milk for all its worth; but Kihyun’s desire to be with you just a bit longer outweighed his want to cum. 
You hope that Kihyun isn’t too far behind and he’ll finally give you a break. But his movements are relentless and don’t seem to falter one bit despite your pussy desperately trying to hold him in place as he fucks you through your orgasm. Your head is so clouded, it’s hard to get anything out besides broken moans and whimpers. Struggling to find the words to express what you wanted, salty tears stain your cheeks as the sensitivity really sets in; but it barely registers in your mind that you’ve started to cry as you can only focus on the sensation of Kihyun rearranging your insides. Every drag of his cock against your walls sends you stumbling toward another fast, mind-numbing crescendo of bliss. 
“Is it too much for you, baby?” He leans in just to whisper into your ear, grounding you back in reality. You’re suddenly aware of the soaked sheets beneath you. The lewd squelching sounds paired with the sound of Kihyun’s balls slapping against your ass fill the room like some kind of sinful white noise. It’s all so erotic and stimulating, it becomes very clear as to why you filtered the sounds out of your mind. 
“Answer me.” He commands you as one of his hands leaves your thigh to find your clit, the pad of his thumb pressing against the small bundle of nerves and causing your inner thighs to involuntarily tremble every time he applies pressure.  
“Just hurry up and cum.” You whine, feeling your eyes to start to water again. Even in this state of being lust drunk, you know that the words you just uttered aren’t going to do it for Kihyun. “Please, cum inside.” You hastily add on. 
It wasn’t often that you begged for Kihyun. You knew he had a weakness for it but you rarely exploited it to your advantage; even if the little devil on your shoulder constantly encouraged it. 
The movement of Kihyun’s hips fall out of rhythm and become more erratic as your words seem to be enough to push toward the edge. As worn out as you were, watching Kihyun on the brink of an orgasm was something you could never tire of. Head tilted back with soft groans falling past his plush lips as he gets closer and closer until it’s like a dam bursts within him. The most melodic moan leaves him as hips stutter, filling you up with his cum once more. And much to your surprise, watching him orgasm was enough to make you climax for the last time tonight; perfectly in time with the moment you felt the first spurt of his seed splash against your walls. 
Your plans to make a hasty getaway were shattered as you remained under Kihyun, letting yourself be completely carried away by the waves of your intense finish. Finally pulling out of you after what seemed like eons, Kihyun lays down and fills the space on the mattress beside you. A quick glance at the clock on his nightstand lets him know it’s half past one in the morning.
With how tired your body was, you didn’t feel like moving too fast but the mere action of you trying to sit up prompts Kihyun to reach out to you and pull you in to cuddle with him. The layer of perspiration that once covered both your bodies had now dried down to this sticky atrocity, and factoring in the mixture of your cum and Kihyun’s cum decorating your thighs, to say you were uncomfortable would be an understatement. Wriggling out of his hold, you quickly get up into a seated position but remain in the same spot on the bed.  
“What are you doing?” You question him, feeling equal parts confused and annoyed by the clingy behavior he’d been exhibiting all evening. 
“Stay the night with me.” He tells you like it was the most simple thing in the world. 
But it wasn’t.  You could admit that there were some things that you did that blurred the lines of your relationship. Just like how right now, Kihyun was doing something that made the agreement more difficult than it needed to be. It was mutually agreed that if things strayed outside of those boundaries, your only two options were to try and sort it out or call it quits. Yet the two of you just loved to dance around those fine lines and see how much you could get away with before things came crashing down. 
“You know I can’t do that.” You respond as you finally get up and start searching the floor for your clothes.
“We have a relationship based on sex. You think having sex all night is too romantic?” Kihyun laughs, getting up as well and walking over to his dresser to pull out a fresh pair of boxers and sweatpants then quickly throwing the garments on. 
As you pick up the pieces of your outfit you had been wearing before it was hastily pulled off your body upon arriving, Kihyun’s words cause you to freeze in place; taking a moment to not only process what he said, but also think of how to respond. He laughed, so it makes you think he’s joking for a bit. But you also know that he loves to give you a hard time and joke with you as an attempt to lighten the mood during touchy situations. 
You dwell on what he said a bit longer as you take time to redress yourself before you turn around to face Kihyun; finding him stripping the sheets off of his bed.
“I think...” You start off slowly, trying to piece together the ideas in your head. “You secretly want the intimacy of having me as your girlfriend but there’s something holding you back from pursuing a real relationship with me.”
For a minute, you think you have Kihyun figured out. Then you realize you know you have him figured out because prior to this, you considered him your best friend. He wasn’t just a hot stranger you met somewhere and decided to pursue a physical relationship with. You knew every detail of all his past relationships, why they didn’t work out and what standards he had set for future relationships. Despite knowing a bunch of fun facts about him, how he reacted in certain situations, you couldn’t figure out exactly what it was that hindered him from dating you.
“Nice try, but that’s not it.” He scoffs, sounding like he was trying to convince himself of something more so than you as he busied himself with getting new bedding out of the storage closet and dressing his bed in fresh sheets.
You did know that he would deny what you said; which is exactly why you were reluctant to voice your thoughts out loud.
“We used to be friends, you know?” He reasons, continuing to avoid looking at you while he shoved one of his pillows into a clean pillowcase. “You’re always in a rush to leave like you don’t wanna hang out with me if we’re not fucking.”
There aren’t any lies in his statement. In fact, it would be an even bigger, fatter lie to say that you actually did want to hang out with him as just a friend after how intimate the two of you were. In your defense, it felt like it should have been obvious why you couldn’t stick around like he wanted.
Rather than try to explain to him why you felt the way you did since you know...Feelings weren’t really a part of your arrangement with him, you bid Kihyun goodbye and see yourself out without another word. 
Even if the night ended on a slightly awkward note tonight, Kihyun would call you again. You would end up in his bed. And the two of you would have this conversation over and over until one of you realized that things could not continue like this if you truly wanted to keep seeing each other in any shape or form. 
Until then, the single bobby pin you left behind this time would suffice as a conversation starter for when he wanted to see you again.
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