#anyway they can only get lonelier bc nobody can know

[dropoutfailure]

my fav ship dynamic except it's just my OCs Mishka + his dad Gustav, because I was starved for content, so I made my own food. dadson + guilt + weird messed up trans guy content. 💘

I so badly wanted to keep it simple and do an actual "ship dynamics" simple sketch vague-ing about my characters, but um I guess I had it in me to do more today. how.

[magpod-confessions]

(for mod btw <3)

Anyways, something I really curious about is your headcanons for how Avatars work in TMA or how certain fears interact with other! It can be anything from super general hcs to super specially hcs about how Spiral Avatars might interact with Web Avatars

(also, anyone should feel free to add on their own hcs for this <33)

Oh god ok hiii

Desolation, vast, eye and buried sort of hold hands with eachother and are just a fun group

The desolation and the eye bc its the knowledge of smth being destroyed and never getting it back

Eye and vast bc of the amount of knowledge and how much you may already know or never know

The buried and the vast tie into eachother a lot actually. Fear of being crushed under the ocean with the vastness of the sea. Fear of choking in space while drifting into a void where nobody will find you. Crushing weight of expectations and how many there are

Buried and desolation bc things being crushed into a fine dust and again never being able to get them back and the collapse under the pressure that destroys you

Desolation and vast bc destruction on such a wide scale is terrifying and huge and there is no way you can fix it

Unrelated to that whole tangent we have the eye is the only ritual that would be able to succeed bc it observes the horror of the others, meaning those can go on uninterrupted. It is just terror being observed, while with others there would be a more hands on thing that couldnt account for all forms of fear

The corruption is a response to loneliness, its being tired of being alone all the time and getting into a relationship that hurts and takes more and more from you

Fear is a circle

Desolation applies to water and floods as well

[stiffyck]

Stiff stiff stiff stiff hi. Ok. Coming off of anon for this one bc the brainrot is too much ANYWAYS I was sending tcd asks like last week??? Idk ANYWAYS I JUST FINISHED WATCHING SECRET LIFE THE OTHER DAY AND I HAVE SOOOOOO SOOO MANY THOUGHTS. So many thoughts about TCD Scar and Secret life Scar. And also some of the things Martyn was saying about Scar lore-wise. I’m actually gonna put a few quotes from Martyn here about it:

“That [the end of secret life] was probably the beginning of a really horrible sort of descent into madness for Scar”

“Can you just imagine how distraught and how upset Scar is at just whacking that success button over and over and every time: ‘Win Secret Life’ ‘Win Secret Life’ ‘Win Secret Life’ just over and over and over again”

“Wanting it to either end for himself or for a new game to begin, like he is so deep in that loneliness and being left in a wasteland that he would rather either die or go into another death game — he doesn’t want to be alone”

Ok end of quotes here. I am just thinking SOOOO HARD ABOUT THIS OUGSHSH. I’ve been rotating this in my head for like 3 days now. First of all, like the whole secret keepers/watchers CONSTANTLY giving Scar tasks that end up isolating him from the rest of the server in a way (kind of like they know that loneliness hits Scar much harder than the others and they’re doing it on purpose to break him early on in the game), and then Scar building up those big deep slate walls around most of his base to physically keep people out (and even if it doesn’t keep people out physically, it’s still more or less reflects his mental state and how he’s treating everyone around him), and the whole sneaking around everyone and flitting between groups without committing himself because he knows (EVEN THOUGH HE TALKS ABOUT WANTING FRIENDS) that his best bet is to take advantage of having connections without actually getting attached to anyone (kind of like maybe he’s learned somewhere before that isolation is the best route for survival). GOD HES JUST LIVING RENT FREE IN MY BRAIN AAUGGHH. Also Scar just eventually accepting that he’s going to be isolated no matter what, and giving into what the tasks want him to be. BUT ABOVE ALL OF THAT. Him being surprised that he even won in the first place????

“How’d the guy with no friends win?”

And just being legitimately shocked that he actually came out on top and managed to survive everything. It’s like, even though he knew that not having any true connections gave him the best opportunity for survival he was STILL surprised to have made it out alive in the end. And back to what Martyn said about him being stuck there alone, just losing himself to madness because there’s nobody left but himself. it’s just like being back where he started again, utterly alone with no way out and nobody left to help him, and that he would rather be dead or living through another death game than be completely alone again. ok I’m done lol I am so sorry for going on that enormous ramble in your inbox HRJSKF :’)

HELLO YES YES THIS IS EXCELLENT. YES.

This reminds me of an au I made relating to my immortal scar hc where Scar gets stuck in 3rd life and everyone forgets him. Only the winner, Grian, remembers him and he remembers that Scar is supposed to be another hermit-

But this. Right.

Scar is the only one who didn't die at the end. So I can imagine him slowly going mad and maybe he's secretly hoping that maybe... maybe someone will come back for him. Someone will come save him, right?

But why would they. He was the villain after all. Even if not of his own volition- he was still a villain and he deserves this.

But imagine if the others forgot about him. If he just got erased from their memories basically.

Man.

Anyway yea Martyns lore for Scar is insane rigkrkgkfkg I love this sm thank you for that ramble I home my own ramble makes sense. Very random but i should be sleeping anyway

[stuck-in-the-ghost-zone]

k, m, n, t for pd and/or suck!!! >:33333

K - What character has your favorite development arc/the best development arc?

-> you know i gotta say wiwi. i have to. that character was Made For Me i swear to GOD . genuinely i cannot think about prime defenders season 2 episode 39 without feeling physically sick bc i love it so much. its the only one i havent relistened to since i heard it the first time. i KNOW its gonna make me cry again so i genuienly have not touched it even though theres things in there i need to hear again for character research. his arc is so like. narratively satisfying in a way that hits me so fucking deep to my core in an extremely personal way. and like. there were definitely some Decisions that i was REALLY ANNOYING about hating when they were brought up because im used to media with bad storytelling/creators that do not care about their characters but. looking back on it i would not change a single thing about it. i love you wiwi so much.

-> FOR SUCK.... its not over yet. so i cannot definitively say. campaign finale comes out tomorrow so my answer may change depending on that but for right now i think i gotta say arthur. i joke a lot about hating arthur for no real reason in particular but. man his story is just REALLY good. not going 2 give you suck spoilers (hehe) but i also really like how shilo has grown through the campaign. hes my little guy :]

M - Name a character that you’d like to have for a friend.

-> TIDE. TIDE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! TIDE TIDE TIDE I LOVE TIDE SO MUCH. thats my dad thats my best friend i love tide so much dude. every time he is mentioned or on screen i am just like :D HI TIDE I LOVE YOU TIDE

-> grefgore :] light of my life this is how i feel anytime i think about grefgore

N - Name three things you wish you saw more or in your main fandom (or a fandom of choice).

-> CHARACTER STUDIES. PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD. I LIKE A GOOD SHIPPING FIC AS MUCH AS THE NEXT GUY BUT PLEASE GOD WRITE THEM IN CHARACTER. EXPLORE THEIR THOUGHTS AND EMOTIONS AND WHY THEY MAKE CERTAIN DECISIONS THE WAY THEY DO. this doesnt even go for just pd and suck this is like. true for every single fandom ive ever fucking been in. do you know how hard it is to find character studies in the danny phantom tag on ao3. nobody has even fucking watched the show how are they going to write character studies they just want (<< i cannot legally finish this sentence without getting in so much trouble) I HAVE TO DO EVERYTHING MY FUCKING SELF AROUND HERE. ALL I EVER WRITE ARE CHARACTER STUDIES BC THATS THE WAY I THINK ABOUT CHARACTERS. I LOVE THEIR MOTIVATIONS I LOVE TO GET INSIDE THEIR BRAINS LIKE A LITTLE PARASITE AND IT IS ALWAYS SURPRISING TO ME WHEN OTHER PEOPLE DO NOT THINK LIKE THIS. (edit im just now reading through this and realized the question says three things. i did not process that. my three things are all more character studies please)

T - Do you have any hard and fast headcanons that you will die defending? 

-> oh dude i have so many hmmmmmmm how to choose just one. i have a LOT of feelings about wiwis original death and i might write something about that when i can get over my shrimp emotions about him. dakota cole audhd truther but that ones pretty much canon anyway so i dont think it counts. vyncent and his relationship with growing up in fantasy world and then being thrown into prime and how he adjusted to that. I think he really lies shitty syfy channel type horror movies that are so stupidly bad. and also plays a lot of video games but again i think thats mostly canon already. i think tide listens to dad rock but also like. ocean man by ween. you already know about my william and ashe being each others emotional support at concerts. i think william and ashe should hang out and do emo kid things more. i also have a lot of feelings about ashe and coping with the crippling loneliness of basically growing up alone and how the pd becoming like INSTANT best friends was so much for him in sooo many ways. you already know how i feel about mark i am in the middle of dissecting him like im in a high school biology class as we speak. uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh i know im gonna think of something really good after i hit the post button so stay tuned

[definitelynotshouting]

(scared) What... what happens if Grian explains right off the bat when he's found out? (shaking)

in reference to the tags of this ask

So like. A really huge part of what Scar's plan entails in canon-- and yes, it's Scar doing this partially on purpose-- is the inherent kindness of the hermits. You bring a starving, dying man back into the fold, and you can absolutely bet that the VAST majority of hermits will at LEAST let him stay until he's healthier again. This is a deliberate move on Scar's part!!! The urgency of the situation (plus the familiarity) creates more of an incentive to let Grian in and then let him linger, which gives him a chance to grow his roots again and make up with the hermits. Scar wants him home again, permanently, and in this game its basically ALL about buying time.

So what happens when you take away that sense of "he's gonna die if we dont keep him here" urgency?? Well...

Well, in an au where Grian fessed up instantly abt the starving and making games when confronted, there's a lot more room to think about it. In some ways, hunger!Grian's canonical reaction to shut down and just let them furiously throw them out was a lot kinder and ultimately worked to his advantage-- nobody got any answers, so they started looking. People are more willing to talk to him if only to understand why. There's a clear element of "i was just doing this to survive and i feel fucking horrible about it" that is,,, pretty undeniable when you've got the person in question self-harming pretty severely about it. And yes, there's pity. Not always a bad thing, and in this case thats the element Scar is deliberately tugging on to make Grian's stay a bit more palatable until he can reintegrate himself

But when you have time to think about it, without that immediate evidence, without that sense of raw urgency sorta blanketing everything so people dont question as much-- what you get is a more measured, and ultimately more negative outlook. The hermits OF COURSE take the time to help Grian figure out how to feed without using people's emotions. They're kind like that. They do care. But theres now more time to think about this, more time to decide yeah, thats valid, sure, but he still used us and hurt a lot of us and also we didnt consent.

Essentially, what im getting at here is that in a hunger au variant where Grian fesses up immediately, the hermits do help him figure out a way to feed without relying on others... and then when thats all sorted out, a vote is called, and Grian is politely but firmly requested to leave. So he loses them anyway, and without the benefit of a mystery to help bring him back.

Thats not to say the vote wasnt awfully divided, there were plenty of people who were at the very least okay with him staying. But with more time and less distance to think things out, a lot of the folks who fall into the "wary but willing to hear him out" category in canon (i have a whole chart fiejfjdj) ended up moving to the "we dont want him here" side of things because they found themselves understandably uncomfortable with the situation and the harm caused by it to others. To their friends.

Basically, its enough of a majority vote to get Grian kicked anyway and without an opening to return. And in this au, i dont think he would return. The au as i have it outlined is that Grian ends up spending years alone on a singleplayer world, falling into his grief and into the rote cycle of surviving but not thriving, until Iskall (one of the people who wanted him to stay) meets him in a market hub and eagerly gets back in touch with him.

Its very much one of those aus that really SQUEEZES your heart, bc its about the loneliness, and the emptiness of losing your entire community, and knowing it is your fault. Its about what happens when you fully isolate because of guilt and forget what its like to be happy because you wont LET yourself be happy. And its about relearning what its like to be a person instead of personified misery. The recovery in that au is SO much harder, so much of a more difficult road (which is saying smth considering canon's is already super difficult), and takes a lot more time and effort on Grian's part. Its a good au, one im really sinking my teeth into and chattering about in dms, but my gods is it significantly worse in many ways to canon hunger au

[fluffypotatey]

Okay I talked enough about Macky, time to balance it out but s4 y’all like that was DEVIOUS they showed the Specific Macky Scene where he’s tied up in the unalivement by his own shadows (I think) it’s like the only similar thing so like, Wukong remembers that? for a split second with the melting blue face it almost seemed like Macky was crying, also oof, he sounded more distressed than angry, well anyways and then we have even MORE evil stuff like the DIALOGUE “you’re nothing” “what have you done? “Monkey! No violence!” and that last line? It’s so much closer to the ear, and when Wukong goes “no!” right after that ohohoho that was SOOO on purpose, and can we PLEASE talk about the special where he gives that hero speech because daaaaang I love them turning it on our heads like that bc Wukong is well, he ain’t lying, in fact I’m bouncing up and down how it’s Ink MK he’s talking to and the fact this is their way of representing Wukong battling against his own mind. “I know you don’t really believe that.” Okay but he’s TRYING and I both love that and relate to it. And when he calls everyone his friends MMMM Wukong’s key characterization can sometimes be so subtle but if you CATCH THE VIBES you can think so hard about it, like they REALLY just had to crush him like that in the middle of that speech? and then how he has to bring it all back in a shower of gold and power, yeah buddy, I still don't think you're okay! I love Macky whump as much as the next person, but boi do I love Wukong's entire hero/mentor/flawed humane character dilemma too. hook line and sinker, you can pull me in with him kicking butt and you can pull me in with the angst and excitement from that heroic visage, one can only be trapped as the legendary savior until I start cackling over fourth wall breaking their lives and sad little situation, oh buddy does the narrative praise you! what an untouchable hero you are. get up, again again again- you can't retire :D this is "past catching up with you" done RIGHT. because it's just him. becoming a different person, maturing, and nobody is here to drag him down to hell. it's still just himself. and everything he was never able to fully work through, the idea of him everyone still holds when they see him, and, most of that stuff came after the journey, so he got new issues as he became "the good guy" the hero for centuries, what a polished stone monkey right? but the consequences of all those experiences on his new personality...nobody would see some of those things as a problem. like his accepted loneliness when MK thinks to see the fireworks with his friends. the serene smile as Wukong just looks away. yeah okay, you became the great sage, you got wisdom pal, and it's such a smiling sad look on you!

stop reading my mind 🤧

NO BUT HIS SMILE!!!!! HIS SMILE IS ALWAYS HAS A TOUCH OF SADNESS!!!! THERE IS A WEIGHT THERE!!!!!

he makes all these off-handed comments like they are jokes and moves to a different topic so fast that you forget about them—BUT NOT ME I REMEMBER!!!! THEY ARE BURNED INTO MY MIND AND THEY HAUNT ME

because it was never just an “off-handed” comment. no, no, no! lmk doesn’t play by those rules. even the tiniest details or throwaway jacket style is picked carefully for foreshadowing purposes.

AND WUKONG IS FULL OF THEM!!! HIS LINES, HIS MANNERISMS, HIS FUCKING OMISSIONS!!!

*ugly crying* this monkey is killing me 🫠

[boy-above]

HI MARMAR can u tell me abt miss furina please. I haven’t been playing and probably won’t be able to for a while and I wanna know her deal…everybody loves her so much i must know context + ur statistically correct and based opinions

omg omg huge poilers everyone but!!

furina is the hydro archon. or is she?? 🤫 for 500 years she's been masquerading as the hydro archon but she's not quite as she seems. furina as we know her is basically human, and when we first met her she actually couldn't even control the elements, she didn't even have a vision! it's more complicated than i'm abt to explain and i could have misinterpreted some things (so if anyone sees any inconsistencies let me know lol) but basically: every person native to fontaine is an oceanid who was turned into a human by the previous hydro archon, egeria. this act was considered "creating life" by the heavenly principles which is a big nono so as punishment fontaine was destined to be flooded by the primordial sea. and because the people of fontaine are oceanids with that sea water in them, touching primordial sea water causes any person in fontaine to dissolve back into water. thusly, if fontaine was flooded not only would it be destroyed, but everyone would dissolve immediately upon contact with the water, so there'd be very little hope of survivors. after egeria died, the new archon focalors took her place. focalors made it her mission to stop the prophecy from coming true, and to do that she needed to fool celestia. so she split herself into two beings, the divine focalors and the humanity that's furina. furina was made to masquerade as a goddess for 500 years, waiting for the moment focalors could finally put her plan into action. these 500 years were full of loneliness and despair as furina couldn't tell anyone of her secret lest the plan fail. pretending to be an archon as a human is a very hard thing to do, she couldn't even manipulate the elements because she didn't have a vision! anyway, focalors managed to enact her plan by executing herself and giving her power back to neuvillette, the hydro sovereign dragon. he then used his power to turn all the oceanids into real humans, so when fontaine flooded nobody dissolved. focalors plan was successful and fontaine was saved, but it was a bittersweet ending for furina because she still had to live with the trauma of those 500 years she spent alone, and since focalors had died a piece of her was missing. on top of her trying to navigate her new life as a regular person with a regular human job and apartment. she never acted again obviously, but managed to find her passion in the form of directing instead, finally feeling a sense of control in her life, and she recieved her vision as a result :')

i love furina very much and i think a lot of ppl love her bc of how detailed they get into her character in terms of how she feels, we know the most about her out of any archon probably (i suppose nahida is up there tho). i wish so badly that we could get an in depth look at venti's feelings for example the same way we did for furina, but alas it's not so.

[besidesitstoowarm]

"The Beast Below" thoughts

when i was in college i took a sci-fi class and once a week one of us had to find some movie clip/ep of tv/short story to make the rest of the class watch so we could discuss. stupid me, i thought watching this story, a bottle episode of the most famous sci-fi show in the world with a cool setting and interesting, debatable moral dilemma, might make a good topic of class conversation. instead it turned into mostly bitching about how much moffat sucks. anyway i love this episode

future spaceship london, some poor kid gets a bad grade and gets sent to what looks like an incinerator. amy floats out of the tardis w the doctor holding her leg, which makes for good trailer/promo imaging but also like, that's just amy. death wish amy. she does not give a fuck, she found her imaginary friend and she is riding him til the wheels fall off. figuratively but also literally

eleven tells amy they need to be like a nature documentary "i never get involved in the affairs of other peoples or planets" at this point my boyfriend goes "that's the only thing you do!!" eleven quickly deduces they're in a police state and says he's going to "stay out of trouble. badly."

amy goes to help a crying girl and gets almost attacked by a scorpion and abducted by the secret police. eleven investigates why there is no engine running and meets liz 10. amy is taken to a voting booth where "you have the right to know the truth....you may protest or forget" we see an evil montage in her eyes and she slams FORGET. the screen then shows her a video of herself saying to leave w the doctor immediately and don't let him investigate

he shows up and slams PROTEST cause he's messy like that. they go to the incinerator which is not an incinerator it's a mouth. and they get vomited. liz 10 reminds us that victoria knighted and exiled him on the same day and references the virgin queen debacle again "you bad, bad boy" so we confirm narratively she is in fact elizabeth the tenth, queen of this spaceship. she is so beautiful it makes me want to throw up. she's also basically just river song i must say

we go to the tower of london (dungeon) and learn the spaceship is on the back of a whale and they're torturing it to make it go. they can 1. keep torturing the whale, 2. free the whale which will doom the entire ship, or 3. lobotomize the whale so it's not in pain but the citizens live. eleven is FURIOUS at making this choice, they realize amy hit FORGET so that they could leave without eleven having to make this choice. it's rich. "you don't ever decide what i need to know" "nobody HUMAN has anything to say to me today" i don't know what i would do, in that instance!

luckily. amy remembers what liz said about the whale showing up. "it came bc it couldn't stand to watch your children cry" i want to cry just hearing this. "if you were that old and that kind and the very last of your kind, you couldn't just stand there and watch children cry" do you get it. it's fine they'll say it out loud later. she slams ABDICATE which was liz's version of protest and surprise, the whale does NOT abandon them! bc it loves them and wants to keep them safe! "you could've killed everyone on this ship" "you could've killed a star whale" i like that. eleven recognizes amy could have doomed a ship of people like herself, and she in turn recognizes he was ready to almost-kill an alien, the last of its kind. the same kind of agony, the same impossible choice

"all that pain and misery and loneliness and it just made it kind" Do You Get It. i like that amy was the one to have the 3rd-option-brain-blast, that was a very doctor thing to do. she fucked up and then she fixed it! i think this is a wonderful, empathetic story, and iirc the next one is pretty mid but i love the skittles daleks so lfg

[soggypotatoes]

auuugghhh

I'm trying to go to my parents place more, bc it's beautiful!! it's a gorgeous place, in the mountains with so many places to sit and read, second hand SciFi/fantasy bookstore 10 mins walk, a lake to swim in, god.. it's beautiful here and my family has become very nice to be around!!!

but god DAMN my issues hit harder while I'm here. I was feeling a bit shaky and weird and that was fine but then I had the thought of like.. what would it be like if I had someone I could message about this? and ask hey can you go on call with me while I settle down? what would it be like to be close to someone like that? bc Ive never experienced that and suddenly I got so overwhelmingly sad, I managed for a bit but I've only calmed down now bc I stole one of my dad's razors and dissected it and hid it in my room lmao.

I think loneliness is just compounded here bc I have so many memories of how lonely it was to grow up in my family, and how that loneliness grew around me like a skin and now I don't know how to let myself rely on someone. I'm so jealous of people who can be close to people, lol. I'm just, isolated from a lot of life, bc of experiences that are long dead now.

anyway. I deliberately didn't bring any sh tools here, but I think I'm genuinely going to have to do that when I come here so I can feel safe. it's stupid, isn't it? yes, I could face my debilitating fear and try to think of someone I could call, but it's so much easier to fight my body's self preservation instinct instead lol. ever since I went so deep I had to get stitches, though... it's hard. it's like, every time I go deep, my rat brain decides anything more shallow than that is nothing and doesn't help. and folks.. going that deep is HARD, do you know how many layers of self preservation you have to fight through??? also it's sickening!! it's sickening to do that to yourself. traumatising, honestly. genuinely traumatising to see that much of your insides and have to break through even more instincts to tell someone cause you HAVE to, now. and when you get hurt like that usually people want to look after you - when you cause it yourself it's more.. 'why would you do that?' or 'dont show me that, cover that up' (genuinely.. though I don't blame my mum for that cause she was affected by it too)

fuck, man. why can't I have a different coping mechanism. I mean. I do. but why is this the only one I feel I can turn to. and why has it been taken away from me now? my body's traumatised from that experience so now I feel intense searing pain from even the slightest cut, which should be a good thing, but now I have NOTHING!!!!!

anyway.

I'm going to keep coming here, I think. I have to break through this, I have to, because my mum's having surgery soon, she's going to be relying on me more and I need to be able to spend time with them without going insane. and I do feel like I need to work out how to do it alone, cause nobody's going to be there for me. I learned that the hard way. literally when I was here during lockdown, my best friend was there, I was in the worst mental health state and had to be forced into hospital for the first time.. and now that friend barely talks to me.. that's what happens 🙃 but it's okay. I can do this. I bought a travel case of paint and I'm going to the bookstore tomorrow. I can do this.

[dufrau]

Babe you said you wanted comments and I love being a cheerleader so have a comment so thought through that I'm a little embarrassed (I literally took notes)

The loneliness that is getting invited to your mum's book club.

Nancy being heartbroken about not being invited 💔

Hard relate to thinking 'what is the most normal way to do something' in a social situation.

Also Nancy's allowed to be angry anyway but when you add wet socks? Unhinged feral rage justified.

If I was at that party I would absolutely have walked in on them because I'd be like, where snacks??? Except I probably would have followed in the first instance because the pretty girls went to get snacks so that's where I need to be and then they would never have banged so basically I'm glad I was not written in.

Giggling at the idea of Nancy smashing the peanut butter BC robin suggested it was an inappropriate snack.

'Her arms were pink up close, from the sun, and Nancy wanted to grab onto her biceps, her wrists, just grab them and let go and then watch her handprints fade away. Which was insane, of course. And which was par for the course, of course.'

Nancy angry at the fridge? fan art, someone, please.

Obsessed with Nancy checking out Robins legs like damn 😍 she has no musculature and she runs stupid, that's hot

Robin being like yeah the bowls are here where I'm blocking you from getting them and doing nothing to remedy that... her mind

Nancy not knowing what to say and just slut shaming robin 💯

'I need to get in there' 👀

'Robin swallowed and Nancy watched it happen. She couldn't feel it, the movement of her throat, from where her fingers were, and she was jealous of that too.' 🥴😩💓

The idea that in their blossoming relationship Robin will look at Nancy's facial expression and not be sure if she is about to commit a crime or fuck her silly 🤌🏻

'That she could have been the one to invite Robin over, that Robin almost definitely would have come if Nancy had only asked. Robin's hands were on her face and her breath was in Nancy's mouth and Nancy was standing between her legs surrounded by the heat of her, wondering if Robin would come now if she asked.' 😩😩😩

'Left to her own devices she wound up doing things like taking on the federal government to avenge her friend's death' happens to the best of us x

I think my favourite line is 'Nancy wanted to rub up against the sound of it.'

Favourite ronance canon trope is robin doing anything Nancy asks her (sexual)

Thank you for feeding us!!

Oh wow thank YOU for feeding ME. <3<3<3

I will address your concerns in list format! Under a cut because this is so long! Which I am not complaining about at all for the record this is making my day!

You know Karen's book club is awful, too. Straight romance novels every month and they just get drunk and complain about their husbands.

No but for real the loneliness of summer vacation when you are in-between friend groups? It's been 25 years but I remember this so vividly 😭 I did not fuck anybody in a kitchen about it though unfortunately.

I think Nancy is often kind of Performing Normalcy in the show and I think being profoundly lonely on top of that makes it very how-it-felt-to-socialize-when-covid-precautions-started-to-let-up. She's trying so hard!

Wet socks are the worst. Anger intensifies.

My excuse for nobody walking in was first of all just that its my story and i didnt want them to, but besides that im like, well nobody asked for snacks actually, and the boys are swimming in the pool and steve is working on his tan. And tbh they probably weren't even in there that long. Anyway they thank you for not interrupting them!

I almost had her pull down a can of Bush's Baked Beans instead of the peanut butter but it felt like very niche fanservice so I refrained.

The sunburn stuff was just there to add specificity and make it feel more tangible. I am trying to trick you into imagining what it feels like.

Nancy standing in front of the fridge mad about being short is so funny to me i can see it so clearly in my mind 😂 She's so mad already and now she's too short to reach the chips?? The disrespect.

I am a Robin-was-terrible-at-soccer-and-only-played-one-season-because-her-parents-forced-her truther. I am also a girls-with-soft-legs-are-cute truther.

Robin was 100% fucking with Nancy re: the bowls. I don't think she fully understood the *way* she was fucking with Nancy, but she definitely knew it was riling her up and she leaned into that on purpose just to see what would happen.

Nancy truly does know better than to slut shame anybody but she also does NOT know how to say "you look so good i want to scream" so uh RIP her principles this one time i guess.

The "I need to get in there" bit was just fun to write. I stand by it. I love that shit.

Throats are sexy. That is all I have to say about that.

I'm pretty sure Robin already has a pavlovian response to Nancy's Felony Face but yeah from here on out she's toast.

That line is probably a little over the top but nobody is probably reading angry kitchen smut for the subtlety so again I stand by it!

It's true though, whenever Nancy has nothing to do she MAKES something to do. Luckily for the federal government she now has something to do (Robin.)

Thank you! I also like that line a lot!

This is also my favorite trope for them 🙏

[bourbon-ontherocks]

okay i was rewatching 2x04 when Ludo breaks up with Morgane and i just got so sad because… follow me here… as it was mentioned in the series, morgane is neurodivergent. ofc, lots of her behaviors trace back to that. i did some research on "giftedness" (ie high intellectual potential) bc of a project of my own and yes it 100% classifies as a neurodivergence and gifted people (esp kids) actually struggle a lot, they're more at risk of developing depression or other disorders (+ might have commorbities) and in general need a lot of understanding BUT it always gets overlooked because "oh they're super smart how hard can it be for them" like it's just assumed they get a "plus" and no one ever considers that there's a lot of baggage with that plus. and that's EXACTLY what happens to Morgane and in s2 it really shows. her mother thinks she's bound to fail, ludo has little patience for her "quirkyness", even in the workplace she's always asked to adapt and no one tries to accommodate her (except for karadec, perhaps)

SO YK WHEN GILL SAYS "your brain is a curse" YEAH EXACTLY. except morgane has to live with it 24/7 and no one ever took the time to understand that she's not just super smart hence lucky.

when she said Roman was the only man who could put up with her IT MADE ME SO SAD listen idk maybe he wasn't as good as she remembers him, but that's not the point yk. like it's clear she loves the people around her but they don't even try to understand her xkwmfk like when she said that she's trying but she can't :(( she's so alone and misunderstood it breaks my heart.

of course she has a gift but i wish more people realized it's also a burden :(

ps im not french so apologies if i wrote any names wrong

Oh hi there!!

I can't believe I have a second HPI anon (even though I already know who you are...)!! How cool is that 😍😍

I'm so sorry that it took me so long to reply, I was away for a few days, anyway I find your analysis super interesting! I'll start with the disclaimer that I'm aware that the show's been criticized for its inaccurate portrayal of giftedness and neurodivergence so I cannot say what is or isn't actually realistic about Morgane's character, but I do agree with the loneliness and misunderstanding parts.

I'll add the pinch of salt that it is quite unclear to me whether some of her behaviours and quirks are arguably due to the specifics of her brain, or just her rather unhinged personality (which I don't think is necessarily tied to her neurodivergence) though.

But regardless of that last point, I wholeheartedly agree that Morgane feels desperately lonely in this second season and that it was the whole point of it. We're constantly shown what makes her aggravating for the others, but I never thought about the fact that nobody actually tries to understand and/or accommodate her... 😰😰 That is quite an interesting take!

The way she talks about Romain... no, don't drag me over this, the wound is still fresh, but yeah, it is truly heartbreaking that she's trying so hard and that nobody actually acknowledges that, to the point that she thinks that the man who abandoned her is the only one who could put up with her... 💔💔

On a brighter note, I'd say that even though they never explicitly say or discuss it, everyone on the team is doing their best at being there for her despite her aggravating quirks, helping her when she gets homeless, and generally caring about her well-being. They might not realize where her struggles come from, hopefully this will be explored furthermore in season 3, but they love her anyway ❤️

[arooomofmyown]

Everyday I tell myself I'll journal and then I don't. I feel like if I journaled every day, even badly, it'll help. I'll have somewhere to put all this burden and loneliness that I carry. Everyday I tell myself I'll do xyz and then I'm simply unable to. I feel like if I died soon (not actively suicidal) it would be a relief. Like, a part of me is convinced that I'll actually die before the Big Thing happens so I'll never have to deal with it. I don't know why I think or feel that way. This is the only way I am able to think whenever a big change/opportunity presents itself. I make myself actively miserable. I tell myself a thousand bad things about myself. And sabotage the thing with my own hands. And then I go back to the familiar discomfort and that's fine with me bcs hey, it's familiar. I tried booking a therapy session, only they never got back to me and I'm still waiting on it. Why is therapy so fucking expensive. It's still a privilege to be able to have the option to look into it even. Whenever I try to talk to people about how I feel, I'm made to realize that I'm being ungrateful and childish. That I have no reason to feel how I do and that I need to snap out of it. I can't help but agree with that assessment but I still can't get myself to feel right or act right. I feel so much shame that I can never outline all the reasons why I feel how I feel, why I let myself down. I want to be a person who loves, fully, without fear. But I am so fucking far from all of it. I'm this tiny speck of nothing, undeserving of love. If I was prettier, more accomplished, more normal... maybe I had a shot at this. I'd have been more confident. I'd have known that I deserve any good that comes my way. I just can't believe that anyone would want to willingly love me. It's just.. why? I know I'm thinking about myself too much and I've lost that much needed outsider perspective that helps you break out of tunnel vision. But how can I break out of it if I'm reminded time and again (and by my own mother, let's not forget) that I simply am not all that. And how do you tell the one person you keep holding back from that THIS is why you can't trust any feeling, can't trust yourself, or him to actually make this whole thing work like a charm. Because it should! It should be good!! I am somehow ruining everything that I touch because I'm a coward, a little nobody who is scared she'll be seen for her ugliness. And then there's this obvious thing about change. Huge change! Massive. And I simply can't deal with changes. I feel like I've put a big damper on everything bcs I tried being honest about how I felt once. I'm so scared that I'll fuck it up, that I'm no good, that I will be abandoned and/or ridiculed, that I can never be myself fully, that there's no part of me that can feel excitement or happiness even though I get the sense that I should feel both of those. All I get is panic and a deep longing for running away.. or dying. It's just, exhausting. What do you do with that. Real life problems haven't even started and in my head, it's already all over. I'm shunned, awkward, humiliated, embarrassed. And.. I really wish I could talk to people about it. But no one's there. Everyone has so much shit going on, how do you go with your stupid baggage to others anyway. A lot of my fears are just very time sensitive. The not knowing. The dread. If I knew, if there was something I knew beyond a shadow of doubt, I'd be so comfortable. But nothing is certain. I don't know what the future holds. And faith is something I struggle with all the time. Every day people fall in love and marry and I've somehow made this huge deal out of it that no matter what anyone says, I can't deal with it. And then shame and intimacy is this whole other ball game and there's not enough time and it's always passing soon and my face grows older but I never do and I genuinely don't know wtf is wrong with me and it makes me miserable all the time.

[saltysatellite804]

idk how to comfort ppl kindly so I’ll just be blunt and honest. sorry your mind is in such a horrible place, I really am. you’ve probably heard/been told over and over before, but continuing to fixate over ppl who you think left you/don’t care for you anymore takes up a lot of emotion, energy, or effort that could otherwise be put into getting to know new ppl in a different fandom who: have no idea who you are, aka you come in as a completely blank slate to them. they don’t hate you. I, as someone who barely knows you or situation, objectively don’t care about these ppl who don’t care for you anymore, especially if they’re bringing you feelings of pain at the very thought. somehow, somewhere, find brand new strangers, don’t mention yourself negatively (wrestle that urge tackle it into the ground), and give them the opportunity to get to form judgements of you themselves. how does one even go about doing that? idk, but for me, all the connections I’ve ever made online (and I Only have “online friends”) were mostly me finding a small fandom or rarepair and then pouring honesty into the comments section of the fics and waiting to see if any of these strangers connect back. the more comments that focus on them and the material—the less I think about myself. and also the more comments, the bigger the chance is that 1 out of those… idk, 50 fic authors reach out to you and conversations get started. insert yourself into other ppls lives and take up space. spend time initiating conversations in spaces where replies actually have a chance of happening instead of shouting into a void that is a void due to the nature of the context—honestly, nobody replies to tumblr texts posts unless you’re a big name fan, nobody ever replies to mine, LOL. kind of personal, but I was totally alone and had neurotic thoughts for a spell, but over the last 3(?) years,a little bit of self-initiative and a little bit of coincidence and a lot of time on ao3 put me in spaces with fandom… friends? acquaintances? that I couldn’t have imagined in 2018 or whenever. I see your posts. I don’t know what to say. I’m also a nobody out here. I don’t know what you need exactly, but obviously there’s a lot of things that you don’t have control over. idk if you feel like everything I’m saying is garbage, in which case I’m sorry… you can just toss this out/delete it. also sorry for the huge block of text! I’m on my phone and formatting is a chore for stream of conscious thoughts. I think tumblr isn’t a good medium for talking to ppl and getting convos started. I never seem to be able to hold one on this app. but also I’m the type of person that doesn’t reach out to other ppl. but that’s not because I don’t care about my “friends.” reaching out is awkward and hard I usually skip past the pleasantries and straight into the point anyway. I’m selfish in conversations; I only initiate thoughts that I’m interested in. but I’ll reply to anyone. but as you can see, I’m on anon bc I’m painfully shy and not sure how you’ll receive this and I’m self-conscious enough to not want you, someone who is mostly a stranger, to hate me. after all, you didn’t seem to respond to that other anon very well. someone reached out to you! but your reply once again emphasized your own loneliness and feelings of neurotic self-hatred/self-deprecation. did you feel any joy at all in receiving that anon? I’m not sure who they are, but they also did the painful, awkward, and hard thing of reaching out to a stranger struggling on the internet. did you ignore the fact that behind that anon, there was a person who was at least a little bit concerned for you? I wonder who they were. do you? I’m no good at this, and I don’t know if anything would help you right now. I don’t have all the free time in the world, and I’m typing this on my commute home from classes. when I get home I’m going to have dinner, do homework, go to bed, then wake up and go to classes again tmr morning; I only reply to texts when I have the energy. I hope things get better for you. or that you, yourself, makes things better, somehow?

I didnt mean my reply as an attack on that anon. I don't really know what to say. I spend so much energy just fighting to get away from the thoughts and its exhausting and sometimes I fail. I cannot just poof them away. It's not like I dont try.

It's hard to just stop thinking about the people I cared about. It's like a gaping hole in me.

I'm sorry for how I sounded.

I dont hate anyone on tumblr dot com. And I dont take anons in bad faith unless they're obviously trolling.

I mean this in a non-aggressive non-blamey way, but it is really hard to be told I deserve happiness from anons or people who can otherwise quickly wash their hands of me. Again. Not blaming anyone. Please do not take that wrong. If my brain would let me, I could be far more appreciative, but it is hard for me and that is why.

I've always sucked at communicating.

Also, non-important, but I dont have any desire to find new fandoms. I do not think I have the capacity to be a blank slate. Nor do I feel particularly like the person who could make friends anymore because of how much I've been hurt. This guilt crawls in and the second I show my ass, it's all over. I've done the dance since I started posting online. It's only lately I've completely lost everything.

And that's on top of all the shit in my real life.

Everyone has their own problems and I really do want to stop caring if I'm alone because that's just how life is for the most part. I do not want to be a burden, and ironically I'm making things worse and turning into one against my own will. I do not know why it's so hard. It would just be nice if I had someone to take my hand and say "let's watch a movie together" or you know. The internet equivalent.

Again. No hate. No blame. I just do not know how to communicate.

[funnywormz]

tell me ab ur jevils ….. :3

WAYUGHGH ty for wanting to know abt my take on him!! i might go a bit crazy and im not gonna draft or proofread this post and it'll be very long so im putting it under a read-more in case ppl don't want my random rambles on their dash lol. plus im kinda shy abt it ngl

(DISCLAIMER: none of this is necessarily what i think is actually canon, in fact for a large portion of it im pretty certain it's not canon at all lol. these are just the personal headcanons ive formed around jevil in my head. don't interpret this as a "theory" post or me saying im correct abt this stuff or think it's canon bc i don't at all lol, this is just my personal self indulgent take on jevil and i don't expect anyone to treat it that seriously hehe)

OK SO. quite a bit of this is inspired or was fueled by convos with @/bigshotautos, so credit to them for letting me infodump on them so often and for having some really epic headcanons and ideas. anyways

my headcanon for jevil is that pre-corruption he was really just. a funny little guy. i've drawn my take on pre-corruption jevil a few times

^ this fella. as you can see he has a few differences to canon jevil, i.e. arrow shaped tail instead of the J shape, white sclera, more rounded and friendly features, no eye makeup/markings, different outfit, eyes wide open 24/7, generally keeps his mouth closed

prior to becoming a jester he was a very lonely small creature. idk if anyone knows where he came from, even himself. initially he was generally ignored and if he was noticed ppl found him unsettling, but after a while he realised he had a talent for trickery and performance, and ppl would enjoy his company and find him entertaining provided he found ways to amuse them. queen in particular took a shine to him and he quickly got a gig as the court jester. during this stage he was very obedient and eager to please. nobody had ever really given him attention before. he's very friendly and perfectly content being treated like a toy or an animal as long as ppl "like" him and pay attention to him.

jevil at this stage is very different to the jevil we know in canon. he keeps his eyes open in a sort of blank wet-eyed stare almost constantly which some ppl find unsettling, and rarely speaks outside of short responses and riddles/wordplay. he's extremely naive and loyal. the royals like him and find him entertaining, but a lot of that is just bc they find his whole existence to be an amusing oddity rather than actually appreciating the effort he puts into his act. and outside of the royals, many of the other servants and townsfolk find him seriously worrying and unsettling, with a lot of them being really suspicious of him.

him and seam become friends bc they often have to work together since seam is the court magician and he's the court jester! seam doesn't quite know what to make of jevil at that point and keeps him at arms length, but they get along well enough with him and enjoy one another's company.

eventually though his loneliness begins to slowly eat away at him though and it's at that point, when he's feeling low and having a hard time maintaining his jester role, that the "mystery contact" shows up. they meet him a few times and ask him if he wants to see the truth and truly understand the people around him, to which he responds with enthusiasm, thinking it'll make him wiser and show him how he can do a better job at pleasing others.

unlike spamton, who i headcanon the mystery contact kinda eased into things with and took a long time to show the shadow crystal to, they show it to jevil after only a few encounters with him. they use it to show him a lot of things, a lot of them horrible things he doesn't understand, and reveal the truth of his world being a game to him. they also show him how alone he truly is, and how he isn't really truly liked by anyone. it's unfortunately the truth, everything that they show him is factually true, but jevil can't really take it. his personality and ego that was already very fragile gets shattered completely. for the first time in his life he understands how little he matters and how little he understands, and how little ppl care abt him.

^ both of these doodles are referencing his exposure to the shadow crystal and the immediate aftermath, although obv the first one takes a lot of artistic liberty lol. in my headcanon it's the exposure to the things he sees in the crystal that makes his eyes turn black.

the minute jevil sees the truth of his world, he wants nothing more than to forget it, to go back to how he was. but he can't, and he can't "look away" from it, can't stop thinking abt it. he does sleep, but his dreams are plagued by it, and he has a hard time telling the difference between his own dreams and reality, between being awake and being asleep.

at this point his behaviour becomes increasingly erratic, and although some ppl do notice, most of them don't care and see it as confirmation of the biases they already had abt him. seam wants to reach out but they don't know how to. jevil doesn't ask for help directly but he tries to signal that he's in trouble but from his perspective nobody picks up on it or seems to care.

eventually this callous attitude from others, combined with the things the mystery contact has shown him, causes jevil to become bitter. he isolates himself from others, and begins to view them as ignorant and puppet-like, because he knows the truth and they don't. he continues being a jester, but his performances have an edge of malice and cruel humour that they didn't have before. he begins to cope with the knowledge that's been forced on him by viewing it as a good thing, something that makes him freer and wiser than others.

throughout this period his meetings with the mystery contact continue, and eventually they guide him into meeting spamton, with the idea that they could work together and that jevil could help keep spamton focused on what he needs to do. initially, jevil dislikes spamton, he reminds him of the kind of ppl he hates, wealthy and clueless. spamton in turn looks down on jevil at first, and sees him as a freak, which fuels jevil's dislike for spamton bc he knows full well spamton doesn't like him lol.

however, as they're forced to interact with each other, their similarities begin to surface, and soon they start to like each other and take solace in one another. during this period of their lives they're both guarded and jaded ppl, so they never fully open up to each other, but they do become friends and develop mutual romantic feelings, although neither is sure what to do abt it.

^ this is jevil's (and spamton's) appearance during this stage in his life. similar to canon, but mildly friendlier looking, with a different outfit too. his eyes become more heavily lidded and he exposes his teeth more often at this stage.

after a while, jevil begins to realise the negative impact the mystery contact is having on spamton (this idea was directly lifted from convos w bigshotautos so once again credit to them hehe) and begins to try to convince spamton to stop talking to them. it's "too late" for him, but he hopes that he might be able to help spamton and stop him from getting exposed to a shadow crystal. however, spamton views this as jevil trying to steal his thunder and get in favour with the mystery contact (at this point spamton is becoming incredibly paranoid and hungry for power himself), and they have a huge falling out over it.

jevil returns to his own dark world, angry and upset. the mystery contact abandons him completely at this point and without its guidance, combined with the loss of spamton as a close friend, jevil really goes off the deep end. he tries to convince seam of all of the things he's been shown, that their world is just a game, that everything is pointless, etc. seam is scared and confused and obviously doesn't really get what he's saying (at least at that point in their life), so jevil gets frustrated and enraged and decides to attempt to "prove" his perspective by attacking the king, one of the people who used him and mistreated him the most. seam fights him, and eventually is able to stop him after reducing his HP and then casting pacify on him as many times as they can, but they're both left permanently physically and mentally scarred by the battle.

^ this lol

jevil falls unconscious and seam locks him up in the dungeon. jevil takes a long time to wake up and when he does he's fully fucking bananas lol. he continues to sink deeper into his worldview, coping with everything and rationalising it through the lens of himself being the only free and enlightened one, and everyone else being kept in the dark abt what their reality is. he's not wrong abt everything being a game etc either, but the way he responds to that is to view his own existence and the lives of others as trivial. he copes by forcing his feelings for other ppl away deep down inside himself. he copes by convincing himself that he's having fun, that he's above emotions, that other ppl are just playthings and it's worthless to care abt them.

he's fully deep in this mentality by the time the crew meets him in ch 1, and that combined with being stuck in a dungeon for many years has made him seriously unbalanced. he gets to play his "game" with the main cast and enjoys himself, and then is perfectly happy with the thought of sleeping in kris's inventory forever and giving in to his own perceived insignificance.

however, reuniting with spamton changes this. spamton is still hopeful and longs for better things despite the stuff he's seen, and that combined with jevil's feelings for spamton begins to slowly break down the elaborate facade jevil has built for himself. he doesn't want to care abt spamton, or crave his companionship, but he does. even though he knows it's fruitless and he feels he'll only get hurt, with spamton's help he's able to open up more. caring for someone and wanting to protect them is something that erodes jevil's worldview pretty quickly, bc his view of things pre ch 2 kinda hinges on all other darkners being worthless and stupid and not having the same enlightenment he does. spamton challenges this bc jevil does care abt him involuntarily, and spamton knows the same things that jevil does but still chooses to care and want a better life for himself.

i think ppl often portray jevil as coping better with his corruption than spamton, and although he does seem more at ease with it on the surface, i personally see that as a facade he's been able to put up. he's had longer to form coping mechanisms than spamton has, and just bc his true emotions are buried deep within him now, it doesn't mean they're not there. not to say that spamton isn't fucked up bc he is lol. but jevil's entire outward personality is basically just a scab formed over a very deep emotional wound. it would be a slow process but he would get better with the help of ppl who genuinely care abt him now

OK SORRY im done. that was so long. im not going back and reading any of this bc ik if i do i'll cringe so hard and never post this lol, so sorry if there are mistakes. ty for giving me the opportunity to talk abt my little guy ideas

[teklarn]

𝔂𝓸𝓾 𝔀𝓸𝓾𝓵𝓭 𝓬𝓻𝔂 𝓽𝓸𝓸, 𝓲𝓯 𝓲𝓽 𝓱𝓪𝓹𝓹𝓮𝓷𝓮𝓭 𝓽𝓸 𝔂𝓸𝓾

character(s): izuku midoriya x gn!reader (x katsuki bakugou) 

a/n: gosh i love angst (quick note!! i edit to the best of my ability, however it’s easy to miss things, and i type 100 words per minute, so im sorry if i miss some things!) this ain’t a poly relationship btw, i don’t feel like i could write that well (no shame to people who do!! personally i feel like i would butcher it) 

reblogs are greatly appreciated! 

based off the song: it’s my party by lesley gore

summary: y/n realizes going to katsuki bakugou’s wedding was a mistake

genre: angst all the way shawties 

warnings: light cursing, heartbreak, alcohol, one-sided pining (reader), aged up/pro-hero au, sad reminiscing bc ahaha bakugou made us sad :’) and a crap load of references to the song, friend zoning (eesh) 

word count: 2,566

ik yall are waiting for a part 2 of brutal and part 3 of you’re not my boyfriend but this idea just struck i had to get it down pls 

- - - 

“let’s raise a toast to our finest lovebirds, my best friend and his wife, katsuki bakugou and ochaco uraraka!” kirishima took a sip of champagne. 

you lifted your beverage in unison with the others seated at your table but did not drink. you blinked down at the fizzing beverage. 

“we wish you all the best,” kirishima said. “you and your best buds have no doubt you two’ll be known as some of the most indestructible symbols of peace.” 

another wave of applause passed among the crowd. the last toast was finished and the music resumed. your entire table left you sitting. it wasn’t like you knew anyone here, anyways. nobody except for the few classmates bakugou was still in touch with. 

those people consisted of izuku midoriya, who was sitting at the table across from you, as well as across the dance floor. 

the lights twinkled up again, red, blue, and green flashing along the floor. 

you couldn’t deny it. bakugou in a red suit, uraraka in a wedding dress fell just above her knees, a red bow tied around her waist. you did not doubt that if you were to be sold as a healthy person on the black market, that dress would still be worth more than you. 

the only comfort you had was midoriya, who had greeted you when you came in, but the two of you had exchanged no further words. but he looked equally as miserable as you. 

uraraka and bakugou were perfect together. they looked happy. and you were happy to see bakugou happy. happy to see uraraka happy with him. 

bakugou dipped his newlywed wife to the beat of the music. her back arched perfectly into his large hands. 

what hurts the most was that, while you wished it was you instead of her on that dance floor, you knew it wouldn’t work out. 

not that you and bakugou wouldn’t have worked out. the two of you were a perfect couple! 

what hurts the most was that it was a wish, and in every near universe, you still didn’t have that ring. 

uravity and dynamight simply looked...happier. 

- 

you stormed out, shaking. why was your katsuki kissing her? holding her when it should have been you? 

deep down, you knew you had no right. you and bakugou were barely a couple. throughout his years at yuuei, he’d calmed down immensely. so much that he could strike up a conversation with nearly everyone. as it turns out, introverted katsuki bakugou was a shameless flirt. 

the two of you exchanged flitting glances from time to time, but it was never anything serious. at least to him, it wasn’t. 

you knew he’d never taken the flirting seriously, and you also knew about his aching feelings for uraraka. how he covered his mouth whenever she walked by. how his voice raised just a bit, and how soft his eyes got. 

you shouldn’t have been surprised. he never even hinted that he might have had romantic feelings for you. 

the entire room erupted with applause as he kissed her. the katsuki bakugou, kissing someone? pfft, only in dreams. 

for some, the dream would be good. like uraraka, who had shamelessly kissed him back. 

for you, it was a complete nightmare. 

the blaring music, the lights, the balloons, the ‘happy graduation class of 1-A!’ 

you drowned it all out. you curled your knees to your chest. you had no right to be hurt. not at all. they were his emotions. you had no control over them. 

loneliness clouded over you. your chest screamed with longing. a longing to be held. be wanted by him. 

you were alone. nobody was coming to comfort you. nobody was- 

the door opened, clicking shut just as quickly. someone sniffled. 

your eyes flicked up from your knees. 

“y/n? i...i’m sorry, i had no idea anyone was out here...i can leave...”

“it’s alright, izuku.” 

- 

izuku took a swig from a bottle containing something much heavier than champagne. 

that same tug in your chest came about. you were tired of seeing the billboards, the magazines. tired of seeing the unquestionably perfect relationship, perfect love bloom right before you. 

dynamight and uravity this! dynamight and uravity that! 

the music was loud enough, the lights were busy enough, and the people were ignorant enough to neglect your crying figure. 

this was supposed to be my party. he loved me first. 

- 

“you okay?” you asked, swiping your nose. 

izuku looked back at the graduation party. “no, y/n. i’m not.” 

“then we’re both absolute shit.” you let him help you up. “why’re you crying?” 

“just...just uraraka.” 

“for me it’s just bakugou.” 

just as bakugou had calmed down during his years at yuuei, izuku had earned a sense of sarcasm. “are they just oblivious or stupid?” 

“goodness, izuku,” you joked, pressing a hand to your shuddering chest. “calling uraraka stupid?” 

he gave you a sad side-smile. you listened in silence as the upbeat music played on. 

“i guess we’re the stupid ones.” he sighed, chest heaving a little. 

“i guess,” you agreed. he pulled you into a hug, and you let the tears flow. your sobs corrupted your chest as you curled into his arms. “why? why did it have to be her?” 

“not all heroes end up happy, y/n.” 

you looked up at him, eyes puffy, sniffling. “why can’t we be part of that small portion of heroes who are?” 

izuku looked up, trying to neglect the water pooling in his own eyes. “i guess...well, not to be a narcissist—” he let out a breathy chuckle, “―but if you noticed, all the greatest heroes die with some kind of regret.” 

“maybe i don’t want to be a good hero.” you ignored his efforts to lighten the mood. 

“heroes don’t always get to choose whether they’ll be good or not. some things just happen.”

“i’m sorry, izuku.” you swiped at your eyes. “you’re hurt just as badly as me. i don’t want to make it—” 

“hey.” izuku gently pried your hands away from your face, fingers ghosting over your wrists. his emerald eyes gleamed as they stared into yours. “don’t invalidate your feelings just because of me. we’re both hurting, but that doesn’t mean i won’t listen to you.” 

your sobs came back again, and you fell into his chest. 

- 

bakugou spun uraraka, laughing gently as she twirled in his arms. his eyes lit up whenever he saw her. they twinkled. he sparkled. his smile was dazzling. and he was everything you never had. 

you were a heartbroken mess, even after all these years. there was a list of all the reasons you were mad at him, and yourself. 

your sobs were almost uncontrollable, and at this point, you were shocked nobody came to check on you. not that you cared very much. even if you were making a small effort to hide your face, it still would have been nice to feel a touch on your shoulder, someone perhaps shaking you gently to make sure you were awake. 

not that you’d tell them what was wrong. you just wanted to know somebody cared, and to have the option to talk to somebody if you needed to do so. 

but here you were. cheesy, upbeat fifties music echoed along the walls of the room. bakugou had secretly adored artists from back then, and you’d often catch him dancing and singing along to long-forgotten oldies. 

if you weren’t his best friend, you would have blown off coming here and binge-watched ‘my best friend’s wedding’ and sobbed. 

your head was down, forehead leaning on the backs of your forearms stacked upon each other. tears were streaming down, your shoulders shuddering with each weak breath sucked in and released. 

until bakugou chose you, you had no reason to smile. at least not now. by no means were you desperate. love sometimes did that to people. made them look needy, look unwanted. 

you’ve had plenty of options in the past, but the one person who you wanted didn’t want you back. didn’t even care. 

since the graduation party, uraraka and you had been a bit tense. a part of her felt like she knew how you felt, and how bakugou mattered to you more than anyone in the world. 

after the first year, she began abandoning izuku and ignoring his emotions towards her. after she and bakugou found each other, they had already known they would settle with one another. 

you and izuku had never been close, but you were both good friends and were there when you needed one another. 

he had walked you through your pain of senior year, and you’d helped him reach a lot of his goals, too. but bakugou just didn’t seem to care anymore. not even about becoming the number one hero. he looked at uraraka like she was his goal, his new dream, the reason he was happy. he looked at her and saw that he had the world in his hands and wanted to keep it that way. 

you? you were pluto. exiled from the rest of the planets. exiled from the rest of his options, when you used to be his first. 

- 

“y/n?”

you and izuku backed away from each other. you’d both been crying for quite a bit. how long it had been, you were both unsure. 

uraraka now stood at the door. you peeked into the window, leaning back a bit and catching glances of the blonde, who was currently being clapped on the back by his friends, congratulated for ‘getting the girl’. 

“are you guys okay?’ uraraka asked. 

“would you cry, uraraka?” 

she tilted her head. “what?” 

you pushed yourself off of izuku. “do you think you’d cry if you saw me kissing him, too?” 

“what’re you―” 

“you would cry, too! you would be sobbing!” you stabbed an accusatory finger at her. “you were my friend! you knew how i felt, and you’re kissing him?” 

uraraka’s eyes widened. “i...i’m sorry. it all just happened, and i—”

“shut the hell up, uraraka. you ruined this party. for me and izuku.” 

perhaps you went a bit far, but in your heart and your mind, you knew she deserved it. she knew. uraraka had known. 

izuku gave uraraka a sympathetic look before pressing a hand to your back and leading you away. 

- 

it still came as a bit of a shock that uraraka had let bakugou invite you to their wedding. gosh. little, domestic bakugou, sealing invitations and batting his eyes at his oh-so-sweet wife so he could invite his best friend. 

little domestic uraraka sweetly kissing her fiance on the cheek and pouting as she said, “how can i say no?” 

it was disgusting, and everything you wanted to have with him. 

you allowed yourself to be selfish this one time. after all, you deserved it. you’d endured hours of bakugou blabbering on about how sweet uraraka was. everything you weren’t. 

you took the bottle to champagne. your ankles were aching as you stumbled out of the room. your vision blurred, becoming foggy with tears. not one person stopped you. you guessed because nobody noticed. 

like graduation night, you slumped down right outside the doors to the party, the music, lights, and laughter muffled. the only difference was that you had a bottle of champagne and the man of your dreams was gone. for good, this time. 

-

“i wish she noticed me. it was like, after first year, the uraraka i knew just vanished.” 

you nodded. you and midoriya were wandering the streets, cool air brushing down your neck and on your face as cars passed. 

“uraraka was so sweet, but she lost feelings so fast and...ugh.” midoriya ran a hand through his hair, ruffling his curls. “i’m still a bit...baffled. i know people change, but she and kacchan both switched up so fast.” 

“i don’t want to say they’re jackasses, but they’re kind of jackasses.” 

izuku rubbed your shoulder as you leaned on him while the two of you walked. “don’t say that.” 

“sorry,” you breathed. 

“no more being sorry. being sorry all the time leads to shit like this.” 

you chuckled. “yeah, it does.” you sniffed. “did i take you away from the party? you can go back if you want.” 

he shrugged. “’s all right. i don’t mind.” 

“do you want to be here or would you rather be in there?”

“out here with you. i can’t be there right now.” 

“me too.” 

- 

“let me guess.” 

you looked up and scoffed softly. 

“this was supposed to be your party?” 

you nodded. “my party, my groom. i’m not supposed to be crying at my party, am i?” 

your friend shook his head. “not at all. cheer up, y/n.” 

izuku slid down the wall, sitting beside you. he rested his arms on his knees, twisting open his own bottle of champagne. “you look like a mess.”

“and you look like you need anger management.” you smiled. 

he grinned back. “do i now?” 

“yeah, you do. you should have seen yourself sitting there. all alone, the one person drinking something that wasn’t the fifty-thousand yen drinks.” 

“54,795.75 yen, to be exact.” 

you raised an eyebrow. “you’re insane. you kidding me? why do you know that?” 

“i was the weird kid who took notes on everyone in the class. of course i would know this. i’m offended you think i wouldn’t.” 

you tilted your head back in laughter. “gosh, izuku.” 

“mhm.” 

there was a pause. comfortable silence filled the space, broken by you sigh after gulping down your drink. “so they’re gone?” 

“i’d rather not dwell on it.” 

“how old are we now?” 

izuku gave a breathy chuckle. “twenty-five.” 

you smiled. “really, now? and i thought i would be married by now.” 

“me too. ‘s a shame.” 

“how about, if we’re both still not married by the time we’re forty, we get married to each other, adopt three children and we become hot parents.” 

“three?” 

“yeah, we can have a mini hero agency.” 

“that’s horrifying. but i agree. having a mini hero agency would be pretty amazing.” 

“i’m glad you agree with me, izuku.” you brushed a curl from his eyes. 

“can’t wait until i’m forty,” he smirked. 

“me neither.” 

“maybe by then we would have forgotten all of this?” 

“we’ll be fighting a villain, and we get our memories erased, and then we fall in love because we wake up beside each other in the hospital. we’re both equally confused.” you peppered him with jokes. “it’s a journey we will go on together.” 

“can’t wait until my memory gets erased.” 

“do you wanna get out of here?”

izuku shook his head. “it’s their wedding. we can’t. we shouldn’t.” 

you gave him a silly look. 

“you’re always such trouble, y/n.” 

“if you hate it, then wipe that stupid grin off your face.” 

izuku’s features softened. “maybe i like it. but only sometimes.” he took your head and lead you out, leaving his drink behind while you took yours. 

a single tear rolled down your cheek. he didn’t erase all your pain, nor your feelings for bakugou. it wasn’t what you needed, no. 

you just needed a friend. a real one. one that wouldn’t steal your dream from you. and that’s what you knew you had right now. 

besides, things could happen in the future, right? 

you smiled, and let the cold air touch your skin. 

[lumiereswig]

any headcanons abt adam trying to repair his relationship w maurice right after everything settles down? bc, you know, they didn’t get off on the greatest start

oh yeah!! oHHhH yEeEAH!!

maurice is busy playing cards with the master of the insane asylum when they see fireworks going off over the woods . (yes, the master knows he's supposed to be trundling this man off to a straitjacket and a cell, but an angry mob just stole his cart and the guy who was supposed to be arranging this whole scenario started muttering about 'war widows' and 'kill the beast,' and maybe it's safest after all to hang out with this poor man he's been bribed to label criminally insane.)

the criminally insane is shockingly good at gin rummy, and he calls him out when he cheats.

anyway they're playing cards and maurice says 'are those...did you see fireworks?" and monsieur d'arque has to agree that yes, fireworks do seem to be going off in the direction of the woods, and last time he checked the wolves didn't have a secret supply of gunpowder they weren't telling anybody about

everybody has taken all the good horses but d'arque and maurice potter about until they finally find some cross-country skis in Jean Potts' basement that nobody remembered. they tie themselves together with rope and bravely waddle toward the woods, where a last remnant of snow effectively slip'n'slides them right into—

well, right into June. Maurice knows it was June back in the village, but last time he was here it felt like January, so it's very confusing that the seasons can't make up their minds. oh, also, there's definitely a lot of people here.

a LOT of people here. like, the whole village. and everybody is crying and laughing and maurice can't compute it really

BUT monsier d'arque suddenly remembers (like being hit with a bucket laced with brandy) that he's not just running a mental asylum, he's running the ROYAL mental asylum. he is also now remembering how he was supposed to convert the insane asylum from a horrible bed-bugged nightmare to an aquatic center by command of the prince, the prince he just remembered and can't reckon how he forgot, and he was told to do that ten fucking years ago and oh dear

while monsier d'arque is wondering a) if he still has a job and b) how quickly can he install twirly slides before anyone notices, maurice is running off looking for belle. where is she? where is his brave girl? where have the terrors taken her?

it would help if people stopped stopping him to shake his hand. "MONSIEUR," shouts one man he's never met before in his life, "what a PLEASURE to see you again, mon dieu what a GIFT!!" and then walks away to snog a very pretty young lady before Maurice can ask any questions

somebody else, a courtly old man, just pokes him in the belly and says "who has fine craftsmanship now, eh." also a small child is hugging his leg, since when is this a development

but oh OHH oh there she is, there is his beautiful brave strange Belle, and with her is—

and here maurice knows, right away, who this man is.

he doesn't have the slightest clue about all the other silly people wandering around. but he KNOWS this man, and his stomach just about drops out with fear.

and he's standing quite out of the way, practically buried behind a pillar and shivering, when suddenly the man has slipped away from belle and a thousand courtiers and is right behind him. he is holding him by the elbow. he is looking at him with eyes that could devour him, and there is a savage want behind them.

and then he whispers "I'm so sorry."

maurice looks at this man, and he understands.

he knows what it is like to feel a monster. you wouldn't think it to look at him, but he knows: the days after Belle's mother died, he wandered tear-haired through Paris, a wild thing, unable to eat, unable to act. strange moods contorted him. only the child in the rose-painted crib kept him sane, kept him safe. he knows what it is like to let loneliness overtake you, knows the fragile things that keep the heart wandering just above the valleys. he knows what it is like to be hunted, and haunted, and to lose.

he holds his son in his arms, tight and sure, and feels him breathing against him, a little sob tucked back in that freshly human throat. he knows they will find a way forward from here. he knows they will find their way home.