#anyway. if you need me i’m going to put myself in the recovery position for a while

[fingertipsmp3]

Love leaving work just as everything starts to go wrong… feels like being Robert Downey Jr walking away from an explosion

[canary0]

July 26th - Dracula 2023

Mina Murray’s Journal

I am both relieved and worried today, between Jonathan and Lucy.

Our dear Mr. Hawkins passed a letter on to us today, with a letter from him expressing his skepticism of it; you don’t become a lawyer without being able to connect dots, I suppose. The letter was, in fact from Jonathan, about how he was just started for home. The letters I had read about in his handwritten journal. I was surprised, then, that he actually laughed a little seeing it, although it was rather humorless. But then he wrapped his arms around me, kissed my cheek, and said, “Oh look, I’ve arrived. That was a quick trip.” I confess here that I couldn’t help blushing and smiling like a school girl at that. I’m glad he hasn’t lost his warmth, despite everything.

Lucy, meanwhile, seems to have returned to her old habit of sleepwalking. Her mother is terribly anxious about it. She’s gotten the idea into her head – or perhaps anxiety is pushing it there – that sleepwalkers persistently walk out on roofs and cliffs, only to be abruptly woken and fall to a tragic death. Apparently it runs in the family, as Lucy’s father had the same habit. He apparently would go as far as dressing himself before going out. With all that in mind, I have made a habit of making sure the door to her room is locked before I go to sleep at night. Lucy usually goes to bed early, morning person that she is. I know Jonathan has developed a penchant for nighttime wandering with his insomnia, so he’s going to be keeping an eye out in case she gets out of the house, as well.

Outside of that, Lucy has had her hands just full of wedding planning. We went shopping for dresses a couple of days ago. I thought we would start our life fairly simply as we worked on saving and moving up, but Mr. Hawkins really changed everything recently. Jonathan will become a partner upon his recovery. I have a solid job that pays well. We have a house already now. After the start of our lives, it’s strange to find ourselves in this position. Lucy, meanwhile, is marrying a man who turns out to specifically be the Hon. Arthur Holmwood, the only son of Lord Godalming. He had to leave for brief family business, but he’s a lovely person, and well suited to Lucy. He comes across as an internal sort of person, so I think he can probably help ground her a little… and see through her when she needs that. Honestly, I suspect the sleepwalking events will end once he returns. It’s likely that’s what’s causing her so much trouble.

(A/N: Arthur's getting a little more personality in this one. I admit, I'm borrowing from myself when I was younger, but I think it works. Lucy really needs someone who can see through the facade, and I think it would help her to have that. The people I've known who've felt they had to put up a front have always really been really happy when someone can read who they really are. Some people it makes them uncomfortable, so it's better to not push too much there.

Anyway, got to do something cutesy with JonMina! Yay! :D)

[lubdubsworld]

⋆⋆✵ Perfect Imperfections ✵⋆⋆

Chapter 1

Genre : Arranged Marriage AU! Angst! Explicit Sexual Content.

Rating : 21+

Warnings : Ableism , Chronic disability. OC has limited use of her left leg, Emotional infidelity? Mild Cheating ( nothing very physical.. a kiss or so )

Summary : Marrying Jungkook is a mistake. Falling in love with him? Definitely the worst exercise in masochism .

~~~~~~~~~~

Chapter 2

No one tells you how easy it is to imagine yourself in love with a beautiful man. Especially when you don’t have a clear understanding of what love actually is. 

When I met Jungkook, even knowing he was in love with my sister hadn’t done much to douse the flames of hope and attraction. He was a lot of things that other men in my life weren’t. Kind without being pitying. Concerned without being overbearing. He took care of me without making me feel helpless. And there was always such a thin line between these things that I found myself impressed by his ability to toe the line so well.

Jungkook took care of me without making me feel like a burden and I suppose, some part of me had assumed that this could, in due time turn into love. But I was clearly wrong.

Jungkook and Liza had been kissing in the hallway of their hotel room and someone had taken pictures. My father and his had managed to get them taken down but the news was already out, spreading like wildfire . My phone began ringing sometime around eight in the morning and hadn’t stopped. It was now a little past one in the afternoon and I felt queasy, despite the assurances that it was all being taken care of.

It was the pity in everyone’s face that I couldn’t bear.

I wasn’t hurt. Angry, yes? Upset? Of course. But I wasn’t hurt because there really was nothing to be hurt about. Jungkook didn’t love me. He was in love with my sister . He had made it clear, through his words and his actions, over and over again. At this point, I could see this debacle as nothing more than a possible way to get out of the marriage. Perhaps, my father would approve of a divorce?

I glanced at the article again.

The photo is just so annoyingly clear, I thought with a grimace. If it was a little blurry, I could convince myself it wasn’t him and her. But it was clear. That was my husband with his lips locked with my sister’s. Against my better judgment, I read the article again. It was a gossip column, of course there would be nothing good in there. But sometimes curiosity can be a persistent thing.

I felt my skin crawling as I realized that the phrases were all pretty true. There was no gossip here. Just plain facts.

And then my eyes reached the end of the article.

Of note is the fact that Jeon Jungkook’s wife is disabled and perhaps the virile young man is merely looking for pleasure he can’t find in his own marital bed.

I swallowed, quickly exiting the page and tossing the phone on the bed, away from me. I stared out of the window of our bedroom, the large doors left open to let air and sunlight in. There was a tall sycamore tree right outside out bedroom and the branches almost reached in and I stared at the rustling leaves, trying to scrub my mind clean of the words I’d just read.

But it was impossible.

It wasn’t something I hadn’t thought of. The stark difference between me and Jungkook, physically. He spent five days a week in the gym and they were right. He was a young man with healthy sexual appetites.

I’d never cheat on you. Jungkook’s voice from a week ago still echoed somewhere inside my skull.

I sighed, playing with my wedding ring.

I wasn’t a virgin when I married Jungkook. Hadn’t been one , when I got into the accident either. My then boyfriend, a tall strapping lit major had been a very sexual guy as well and our libidos had matched pretty well. But I’d been an athletic nineteen year old, able to bend like a pretzel at his whim and there was just endless time and endless stamina and just a whole lot of attraction . We had spent hours, exploring each other the way college kids do. Weekends in bed spent trying every possible permutation of sex positions and kinks and I’d discovered all the things I liked. All the things I didn’t.

But then the accident had happened and well, when you’re in crippling agony, sometimes sex takes the backseat. I’d been focused on my recovery, on making sure that I came out of this at least with the ability to walk and I’d succeeded. Burying the part of me that craved a man’s touch, it wasn’t easy but it was necessary.

And then Jungkook had happened.

Sex with Jungkook hadn’t been difficult. Not really. I wasn’t completely crippled after all but it was also nowhere near as exciting as it could be with someone who had full use of her legs. I knew that. It was kind of obvious. But I hadn’t dwelt too much on it because to be honest, Jungkook hadn’t looked like he’d minded. He had seemed to enjoy himself .

But then reading about how he probably hadn’t enjoyed it definitely stung.

Worse yet, probably half the country was reading it with me. I felt nauseous. Did no one think that they should have left the last part out of that article? It was terrible enough without adding that bit about me.

A faint buzzing made me turn to the bed.

I glanced at my phone as it rang, my father in law’s name prominent on the screen.

Showtime, I thought with a grimace.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“I suppose it was too much to hope for , expecting that boy  to keep his dignity. This is outrageous.” Mr. Jeon’s loud voice rang through the foyer of the house and I flinched, gripping the edge of the futon as Sana jumped a bit . She sat next to me, holding my hand carefully. Moral support I supposed but I was feeling entirely too blasé about the whole thing. None of this was unexpected, I thought miserably and I wasn’t feeling up to pretending otherwise.

“I still wish they’d talked to me about this.”

My brother in law’s voice broke me out of my thoughts. The man looked like he’d been dragged through hell and back and I felt a pang of genuine sympathy. He looked wrecked and it was obvious she was in love with my sister. Resentment coiled thick and deep inside me. Resentment and envy.

With no effort at all she had charmed both the Jeon brothers, I thought bitterly.

Jeon Jihyun looked absolutely stricken at the thought of losing his wife.  

“I’ve asked Lisa to take the first flight out. She called me this morning, hysterical. It was something done in the heat of the moment. She .. She’s very apologetic. I believe her and I’m willing to forgive her. We’re…. We’re thinking of starting a family together. ” He said softly and my stomach turned.

I felt my skin go ice cold as I wrapped my arms around myself. Shivering just a bit, I lightly squeezed Sana’s hand. She looked at me in askance and I had to swallow to get my voice out, throat dry. The words made me want to retch. I could imagine how Jungkook would take this news.

“Can you get me my shawl? It’s in the green room.” I said hoarsely.  She bowed before moving away from me and when I looked back up, Jihyun’s gaze caught mine.

“This must be hard on you.” He said softly and I flushed, staring down at my knees.

“Not like I can run from it. Literally or figuratively.” I smiled without mirth.

“Jungkook is …he’s just confused. He needs some time to sort himself out. I’ve asked him to take a break and come back to Seoul after a couple of weeks. The separation would do him some good.” Jihyun said quietly and I sighed before nodding. What else was I supposed to say to that anyway? There wasn’t much I could do, my influence on things almost nonexistent at this point.

“Are you going to give the boy a break, Jeon?” My father demanded, staring at Jungkook’s father who sighed.

“Yes. I’ve been trying to get these damned reporters off our back. They’re all over the place. And yes, I think Jungkook should stay in Japan for a while.  We’re starting a new distribution branch there and I wanted him to scout places and possible vendors. I’ll tell him to hash out all the details before coming back.”

His phone rang again and he excused himself . I watched him leave the room, trying to make sense of his words.

How long would it take to build a whole branch in Japan? I had no clue. But it could hardly be done in a few weeks, could it?

“That’s.. That’s a long time.” I said hesitantly and my father frowned.

“is that a problem?” he asked.

I sighed. There was no point keeping this to myself. I was supposed to go to the doctor’s tomorrow. And well, it would be better if they heard it from me first.

“I.. I’m pregnant.” I said quietly.

The silence that followed was deafening. I stared at the carpet, not able to bring myself to look up at them. I could guess, what I’d find there. It was what I always found in people’s faces.

“Oh, sweet child.” My father’s sigh made me look up and there it was. The pity. I felt sick to my stomach. Sana returned, settling the hand knit shawl over my shoulders and I wrapped it tight, before glancing at her in some desperation. She smiled reassuringly, settling next to me and gently taking my fingers in hers. The warmth grounded me for a second and when Jihyun growled, I stared at him.

“I… I didn’t know. Fuck, I’m going to kill Jungkook. This fucker…” Jihyung swore and my father sighed, clearly thinking hard.

“you can’t be staying alone now.” He said softly, sitting up and cracking his knuckles, and I swallowed. I wouldn’t bear it if they tried to take me back home. I had hated it there.

“ You must come back home with me.” He said softly but I quickly shook my head.

“ No.. No I won’t. I … Please.” I begged, the mere idea of going back to my childhood home a nightmare. My mother would kill me with just her sharp and vindictive words. I was in no shape to put up with her verbal and emotional abuse. It was one of the things that had made me agree to marry Jungkook in the first place.

“Well, you can’t stay here by yourself.” My father protested. I’ve been by myself my whole damn life, I wanted to scream.

“I’ll be fine. I have Sana and the others to help me.” I said tiredly. My father shook his head before turning to Jihyun again.

“Is Namjoon still working on his book?” My father asked him and Jihyun frowned. The name elicited a tug in my memory and I turned to stare at my father, confused.

“You remember him? He used to tutor you when you were hi High School.”

I had a brief flashback to dimples and almond shaped eyes. I remembered him vaguely. Very vaguely. But nowhere well enough to want him to live with me, alone or not.  

“Dad…” I protested but he held a hand up to silence me, nodding at Jihyun .

“Namjoon? Kim Namjoon? ” He shook his head. “ I’m not sure. Why?”

“I think it would be good if he moves in here. His father was telling me that he was looking for a place to stay, now that he’s moved back to Korea. ” My father said softly, staring at me and I stiffened.

“Father…” I began desperately and my father shook his head.

“Don’t argue. He was a dear friend of yours. I don’t think you should be alone at a time like this. And I think Jungkook would approve. Like Jihyun said, the kid needs some space to sort himself out. Let him finish whatever business is going on in Japan.” My father glanced at Mr. Jeon who looked at me with guilt.

“I owe you an apology , on behalf of my idiot son.”

I looked away, not sure what to say to that. I hated the man quite passionately. Jungkook wasn’t perfect… far from it. But this man had taken a sledgehammer to my husband’s mind and heart at every turn. The disdain, the condescension, the sick way he favored his brother over him, the way nothing Jungkook did was ever good enough. It had all taken a toll on my husband. I had watched it chip away at Jungkook’s self confidence, at his mental health.

“I think more than anything, you owe an apology to your son. You knew he was in love with Lisa and yet…. You forced him to marry me.” I said quietly and the room went eerily quiet. My father rounded on me , eyes blazing.

“Leah!!! Apologize, now!” He roared and I looked away.

“You’re all the same. Ungrateful and entitled.” Mr. Jeon said sharply, before turning to his son. “ I’m leaving Jihyun-ah. Tell me when that wife of yours get home. I want to talk to her.”

He shared a half hug with my father before stalking off and my father grabbed his jacket as well.

“I’ll leave as well. Your mother is being quite hysterical. Apparently, all her friends are hounding her about the article.” He sighed and I nodded , watching him shrug on the jacket before nodding at Jihyun and then following his friend out to the front doors.

Jihyun stayed standing , watching my father’s form disappear through the door before turning to me.

“ Are you alright?” He said quietly, moving to kneel in front of me. Sana stood up, bowing before leaving and I watched her disappear into the hallway leading to the kitchens. Jihyun’s fingers wrapped around mine, brushing my knees and I stared down at him.

“The question is, are you alright?” I brushed the hair off his face. He sighed.

“No. No I’m not. I’m angry and jealous and very much filled with resentment towards my brother.” He said honestly and I laughed, tugging on his hand and patting the seat next to me. He straightened before moving to settle next to me and I leaned on his shoulders, sighing as he wrapped on around me, the warmth of his body comforting .

“Are you going to give your marriage a chance?” I asked carefully.

“She told me she was going to break things off for good. We.. We’ve been talking about it. Starting a family, making this work.” He said quietly. I nodded. It was understandable. Unlike Jungkook and I , Jihyun had a responsibility. He would need a son and even though people liked to act like they didn’t care much about gender, like they didn’t care much about having children , it was sort of an unspoken rule. First son of the house ? You had to have a male heir to carry the family name.

I wondered how that conversation had gone between Jungkook and Lisa. It didn’t really match the photo I’d seen.

“I suppose Jungkook probably put up a fight. He genuinely wants to end up with her. He… He tells me often that he loves her and can’t love anyone else. ” I wondered if I ought to feel embarrassed or insulted.

But the truth was, I was numb to a lot of things that had once hurt quite a lot..

The conversation with Jungkook about my pregnancy had definitely cleared things up for me. There was nothing there worth salvaging. Chasing something that wasn’t real , that was foolishness. Especially when I had a very real baby to think about. A child that counted on me to make the right choices.

“I don’t think he did. She spoke to me last night and said that he agreed. Of course that was before the article came out. I’d like to think she didn’t lie to me but I’m not sure.”

I sighed, settling in closer to his chest. He was warm and firm, solid and reliable. I wondered if it would have been easier, if my father had just married me off to Jihyun instead. Jihyun and I …we were alike. We had been friends , even from childhood. Had watched with fond adoration as our younger siblings had fallen madly, wildly in love. Jungkook and Liza had been drawn to each other from the first. Inevitable.

Jihyun and I were more carefree. We didn’t feel things that intensely and perhaps that was why we could sit here in the calm of the afternoon air, quiet and introspective when we ought to be furious and raging.

“ Should we run off together? You and i?” He said suddenly making me laugh.

“Very much incapable of running.” I reminded him with a grin and he squeezed my shoulder .

“I’d carry you.” He said simply.

“Where would we go?” I asked curiously, indulging the fantasy for just a few minutes.

“Somewhere far away. Maybe India? There’s so many people there and we could get lost in the crowds.”

“That does sound appealing.” I smiled and turned to look up at him. His face inches from mine, not as handsome as Jungkook but strong featured and kind. “ But I’m not alone anymore. I have a child.”

His gaze dipped to my lap.

“Yes. Jungkook’s child.” He said thoughtfully.

“No. Mine. Nobody else’s . Just mine.” I said quietly. Jihyun’s gaze softened. He pressed a quick kiss to the top of my head.

“I’m sorry.” He whispered, echoing his father’s words.” On behalf of my idiot brother, I’m sorry.”

And where Mr. Jeon’s words hadn’t made any sort of impact, Jihyun’s made my heart clench and ache in the worst way. Self pity was something I loathed but sometimes, being handed the short end of the stick at every turn in life makes it impossible to not feel sorry for yourself.

Tears stung, welling up in my eyes and spilling over my lashes like water bubbling out of an aquifer.

I blinked slowly, not bothering to wipe them as they traced a path down my face, dripping into the fabric of my shawl. In a moment of clarity I wondered what Jungkook must be going through now. Nothing good for sure.

It definitely said something, that I still worried for him. Sighing, I let Jihyun hug me closer. I would take advantage of his kindness for a few more minutes. It had been a while since someone had held me like I mattered.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I called Jungkook that evening.

It wasn’t an easy choice but my heart ached and my mind raced with unanswered questions. I didn’t want to get lost in my own thoughts so I didn’t overthink it. We were still married. I was allowed to call him.

He picked up on the third ring.

“Where are you?” I asked quietly and Jungkook’s groan made my face heat up a little.

“I… Leah?” He sounded groggy. I glanced at the time. It wasn’t late.

“Are you sleeping?”

He didn’t reply for a few minutes.

“I’m sorry about what happened. We.. We didn’t do anything else. It was just.. it was a kiss. Just that.”

“Are you still in the hotel?” I asked quietly ignoring his words.

“ For tonight, yes. Dad wants me to stay with a friend of his. I’ll be going over to their place tomorrow morning.” He replied .

Silence followed for a few seconds.

“Namjoon is moving in tomorrow.” I said stiffly.

Jungkook didn’t respond for a minute or so.

“Yes. Father said it’s a good idea. And I agree. You shouldn’t be alone while I’m here. He’s right. Hyung’s a nice guy. He’ll help you out.” Jungkook said softly.

“Liza came home. She wanted to talk to me.” I said quietly.

Jungkook didn’t reply and I sighed.

“I told her I wasn’t going to talk to her before I talked to you. I don’t… I don’t want to say anything to her that I haven’t already said before. But I still want to know your thoughts on all this. Your plans, that is. I take it you weren’t happy with her ending things.” I said stiltedly.

Jungkook didn’t reply for a few seconds.

“Things between us ended a long time ago, Leah. It was over when we both agreed to marry other people. Maybe even before that, I don’t know… I … I guess I just didn’t want to acknowledge them.” He said quietly. “ She’s different, now. Even that kiss felt so wrong.  She’s moving on. I’m glad in a way. She deserves better than me. She deserves someone like hyung. He’s better than me in everyway and-”

God I wanted to strangle him.

“So why did you kiss her?” I snapped. “ If you’re so generously letting her go why would you…” I stopped.

“I didn’t kiss her. She kissed me. It was barely for a second.” He muttered. “ whoever it was must’ve been videoing us for a while.”

I had to remind myself that in the grand scheme of things, this little detail made no difference.

“Right.” I sighed. “ So, you won’t be home for a while?”

“Six weeks at least.” He said quietly.

I tried to keep the disappointment down. I still wanted to see him, just to make sure he was okay. But I knew that was just the pregnancy hormones talking.

“Okay.” I said simply.

“How are you? Did you go see the doctor?” He asked softly and the question surprised me. I was half sure he had forgotten.

“No, not yet. Maybe in a couple of days.” I scratched at a small stain on my skirt. Lime juice and baking soda, I thought absently. That should get the stain out.  

“Its pretty late. You should go see the doctor, Leah. I.. I looked stuff up. They say you have to be on pre natal vitamins, folic acid and iron supplements  and you have to have  a balanced diet. I called Sana earlier and told her to speak to our doctor and get a diet chart for you. She said she’ll do it soon. So , please take care of yourself.”

Jungkook sounded entirely serious and as always my brain felt muddled, unable to process why he did the things he did. He had looked things up about the pregnancy and that implied some sort of interest, didn’t it? But ….. he had also kissed my sister so what was I supposed to do with this?

“I’ll call you.” I said shakily, drained. I was done for the day.

“Right.” He said softly. “ Namjoon hyung will be there tomorrow right? Should I talk to him? He could take you to the doctor.”

“No.. That’s fine. I’ll manage.” I said quickly.

“You’re sure?” There was genuine worry there.

“Yes.” I sighed.

“Alright.”

Silence again. I exhaled shakily.

“Should I hang up?” I asked quietly.

“Yeah. Good night. ” He breathed.

“Good night, Jungkook.”

Click.

I stared at the wall, gently lowering the phone and placing it on the bed next to me.

She deserves better than me, his voice echoed in my head.

Well, so did I.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Namjoon looked nothing like the twenty one year old college student I’d seen a decade ago. I knew he was a successful novelist and I’d read all his books. They were mostly philosophical or commentaries on life and emotions. I enjoyed the way he wrote : melancholic and deep but also clear and easy to understand. It was like staring at a particularly deep pool, being able to see all the way down to the bottom because of how clean the waters were. But once you put your feet in, the depth  always surprised you.

“That’s a lot of books.” I laughed, gripping the edge of the door frame as I watched him stumble under the weight of a crate full of bound books. Namjoon’s messy brown hair peeked over the top, and when he adjusted the huge load to stare at me, I caught sight of his handsome face stretched in a dimpled grin, eyes glinting.

“Research.” He grunted, straightening himself up and I watched the flex of his muscles as he carefully moved to place the crate down in one corner of the large bedroom that I’d had cleaned for him. It was on the west wing of the house, parallel to my own bedroom that I shared with Jungkook . Namjoon had spent three years working as a professor somewhere in Indonesia. And I knew that he’d spent a year backpacking all over Scandinavia. I stared at his tall strapping figure, watching him set up his writing space carefully, sorting out boxes and electronics.

He had driven here in his Range Rover and I knew all his clothes were still there in the back of the car.

“Should I ask the footmen to get your clothes?” I asked and he glanced up at me, frowning.

“Footmen?” He looked confused and I rolled my eyes.

“Namjoon…” I said chidingly and he grinned again.

“I keep forgetting you’re filthy rich. Makes me wish I should have beaten Jungkook to the game and bagged myself a rich wife.” He winked. It was a joke but there was no mistaking the hint of interest in his eye. Or maybe it was just wishful thinking on my part. Being married to Jungkook had definitely made me question the attraction I held for men so it felt good, having someone as handsome and whole and successful as Namjoon look at me like that.

“I’ll ask them to get your clothes. You should shower and settle in. We’ll meet for dinner tonight.” I said quickly and he nodded.

“You’re going to be okay heading back to your room? Let me know if you need help.” He pointed at my feet and I nodded. It was sweet of him to offer.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dinner was surprisingly not awkward at all. Namjoon had a lot of interesting stories to share and I found myself clinging to ever word in rapt attention. He spoke about all the folklore he’d run into in different places, how he thought that no matter the culture, there were always some common things you could find in every one of them. He also talked a little about his next book, which he hadn’t named yet.

“It’s about second chances. Forgiving and moving on.” He said, taking another bite of his braised pork and moving to make another lettuce wrap.

“ Heavy stuff.” I said thoughtfully. “ Most of my writing is commercial. I just try to sell stuff to reluctant people. It’s not much but it keeps me occupied and it’s always nice to make money that you can call your own.”

“It’s because you don’t write for yourself. When you start writing for yourself, you can truly be who you are.” He said firmly and I nodded in agreement.

My writing in college had been vivid and bright and filled with life. But after the accident, it had turned grey and gloomy. The words seemed to drip with loss and longing and  I didn’t enjoy it, because it was a reminder that I was no longer the vibrant, attractive fulsome girl I once was.

“Maybe that’s what I’m afraid of.” I smiled. “ Being who I am. I would rather pretend I’m at least a little alright.”

Namjoon stared at me, thoughtful.

“You used to run track.” He said softly and I grinned.

“You remember.” I said, pleased.

“Of course I do and you were captain of the volleyball team as well. You used to organize all those hikes and treks and stuff.”

“Yes I did. I loved the outdoors.” I stared out of the window.

“Loved? Past tense?” He tilted his head. I stared at him, shaking my head.

“What kind of question is that.” I shook my head. “ Look at me. I’m not trekking anytime soon, considering how the last time ended.”

“You can still go out.” He frowned. “ When was the last time you went somewhere?”

I shook my head.

“Oppa…”

“Listen. You know me. You’ve known me for more than a decade. Do you honestly think I’m going to let you rattle around this old house like a ghost when you should be out there taking in all the sunshine you can get?” Namjoon placed his chopsticks down and linked his fingers together, staring at me.

I stared at him, and it was definitely there. The concern, the affection. Not that different from when I was sixteen and struggling to understand what pathos meant.

But now there was a definite undercurrent of attraction. Back then it had been childish, the wild crush of a teenager on her hot tutor but now, now I knew that he was so much more than just a hot guy.

“I’m pregnant.” I said softly, more a reminder to myself than anything else.

Namjoon grinned.

“We’ll steer clear of horse riding and alcohol. Anything else you can just let me know.”

“Are you serious?”

“As a heart attack.”

“I think I’m getting one now.” I deadpanned.

“Because you’re nervous.” He grinned.

“Because your dimples look too adorable.” I retorted.

He laughed.

“I’ll talk to Jihyun and we’ll go see your doctor first. Then we’ll go out and have  a nice picnic.”

“Namjoon, I can’t…”

“You don’t know that.” He said firmly.” You don’t know if you can or can’t because you’ve never tried. Listen I love picnics and I love going out and I want company. I’m agreeing to be stuck with you for a while and the least you can do is  give me company at a picnic. You know how big a loser I’d seem like if I went by myself?”

It was like I was sixteen again getting brow beaten into things by a tutor who just hated the idea of not getting his way. I shook my head fondly.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Fourteen weeks. Three and a half months.

I stared at the ultrasound, feeling a multitude of things, not all of them good. The baby was growing well and I had all my prescriptions filled. Namjoon had offered to come with me but I had refused. It was too intimate and he was still a stranger. I did take a photo of the ultrasound and sent it to Jungkook.

/Jungkook called me back almost at once.

“You went to the doctor?” He asked, sounding a little breathless.

“Were you running?” I asked, surprised.

“Not really. I’m supposed to be meeting one of the vendors for lunch and I thought I could walk to the restaurant but its farther than I thought.” He huffed.

“Everything’s fine. Baby’s due in July.” I said quietly.

“Summer. That’s good.” He replied. “Right?”

I hesitated. What did that mean? What did it matter when the baby would be born?

“Because winter would mean it being too cold . Summer we can take the baby out and stuff without worrying too much.” Jungkook said softly.

Oh.

“How’s work?” I asked awkwardly. The non conversation was getting tedious. There was just so much to talk about and it was obvious that both of us weren’t in the mood to actually ask or answer anything worthwhile.

“Did dad say something?” Jungkook asked quickly and I frowned.

“No. Why?”

“He wants me to join hyung in the corporate office. Leave the smelter units.” Jungkook sounded subdued and upset and I felt sympathy well inside me.

“Join him? As what?” I asked quietly.

“Head of the marketing department. I’ll be reporting to Seokjin hyung.” Jungkook had clearly started walking again, breath coming in little exhales.

“You don’t want it?” I asked confused, not sure if this was a good or bad thing.

“I mean… I have a degree in Business and Finance. Hyung’s the CEO , I was hoping I’d be the CFO.” Jungkook sighed, “ But I suppose I should be grateful he didn’t disown me altogether after what happened earlier.”

I stayed quiet and so did he.

“We need to talk . When you get back. You … I know you don’t like sharing about what you feel but you owe me an explanation.” I said firmly.

“I know. But I meant what I said when I left. I’m going to be there for you and the baby. You’re still my wife. That’s not going to change.”

I ran my fingers over the ultrasound.

“Did you also mean the part where you said you can’t stand me.” I said bitterly .

Jungkook didn’t reply.

“I… You know I didn’t. That was just something I said on impulse. I’m sorry. You’re… You’ve been nothing but good to me. And honestly, just the fact that you’re carrying my child is proof that I can definitely stand you.” He sounded just a little hoarse.

I bit my lips, staring up at the door when I heard a knock.

“Leah? I’m going to have some tea in the garden … You wanna come with?” Namjoon’s voice rang through the room and I froze.

“Oh.. Oh.. yes. I’ll be down.” I said quickly, nodding . Namjoon pointed at the phone and gave to thumbs up before moving back out.

“Was that Namjoon hyung?” Jungkook’s voice came over the line.

“Oh… yeah. Yeah, he’s… he wants me to have tea with him in the gardens.” I said awkwardly.

“That’s nice.  You should go. Get out of the house once in a while.” I didn’t know what to say to that so I stayed quiet.

After another minute or so of silence, Jungkook cleared his throat.

“ I got that form you sent in for me to fill, about my medical history. I’ll fill it up and mail it to the doctor’s office. Is that alright?” He asked hesitantly. “ If not I can fly back home. If they need me in person or something.”

I frowned a bit.

“They don’t need you in person, Jungkook of course not. Mail it, that’s fine.”

Another pause.

“This is really happening huh? A baby. We’re having a baby.” The exhaustion in his voice was palpable and I wondered.

“Yes. We are.” I said simply, not having anything else to elaborate on. It was happening. I was torn between pleasure at having something to look forward to and guilt at forcing Jungkook into a role he wasn’t ready for. But , for better or for worse we were married. The child was his. It would be a Jeon.

“ I’ll do better.” He said quietly. “ With the little one. I’ll be better.”

Tears these days, sprung up out of nowhere I thought miserably, furiously swiping at my face.

“Leah?” His voice came over the line. “ Leah are you there?”

“I need to go.”

“Alright.”

“Take care of yourself too, Jungkook.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Loneliness .

It’s such an odd sort of feeling. Sometimes you get used to it so much, that you forget all about it.

It stays , a part of you that doesn’t make much of an impression on you until one day, suddenly it becomes unbearable,

Until you get a glimpse of what it’s like to not be lonely.

And then suddenly it’s like a deep chasm of longing and desperation just opens up inside you, craving love and warmth and company with a hunger that feels like it can never ever be satisfied.

I’d never paid much mind to the fact that my life revolved around myself, my writing and the flowers in the garden. Not until Namjoon had come, demanding to be felt and seen and heard .

 Namjoon hadn’t joked about not letting me rattle around the house. Our days were spent sprawled on the lawns of the Jeon estate, each of us occupied with our own writing . Namjoon typed away on his laptop while I preferred my leather bound notebook. It was oddly soothing, lying there on the clean cut grass, the sharp blades rubbing against my bare legs, as I leaned back against a tree trunk, watching Namjoon’s furrowed brows as he wrote.

Namjoon had changed in a lot of ways and yet he was still somehow just as I remembered, focused and often lost in his own head. He was a contemplative man and seemed to spend as much time reading as he did writing.

“There’s a poetry club that meets every Tuesday in Gangnam. Would you like to come with me?” He asked casually, about a week after he’d moved in and I considered it. The paparazzi had finally stopped hanging about the estate and Jungkook had called the previous night with a ETA for when he would be back.

Four weeks at most, he had said firmly and I wasn’t sure if I was feeling all that excited for his return anymore. Days spent with Namjoon were more exciting. He included me in every little thing and I was addicted.

Somewhere in the back of my mind, I knew this was probably wrong. Namjoon was sweet and kind but I was still married. But on the wake of that thought came the bitter reminder that there was nothing between Jungkook and I. He was in love with someone else. Why should I deny myself the joy of Namjoon’s company over a relationship that really wasn’t a relationship at all.

Namjoon treated me as an equal, teased and flirted like there was nothing wrong with the two of us living like this, together and away from the rest of the world and I liked it. It made me feel like perhaps happiness wasn’t such an abstract, unreachable thing after all. That perhaps I could find happiness like this. In friendship and mindless conversation with a man who didn’t see me as a burden.

“I’d love that.” I said with a smile, letting my fingers knit together with his.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Scorned wife getting even? We spotted the recently cheated on Mrs Jeon getting cozy with a strapping, buff hottie in a private restaurant last Friday and we can’t help but wonder if perhaps the reclusive lady is trying to get back at her husband by flashing her own boytoy.” Namjoon read cheerfully from his phone, looking way too entertained as he showed me the zoomed photo of us holding hands over the dinner table .

“That’s quite the description they’ve put for you.” I grimaced, sipping my chamomile tea slowly. My father and Mr. Jeon had reacted with their usual anger, threatening to sue the gossip rag for libel but it was pointless. They would keep being intrusive rats. There was nothing much to be done beyond enduring them.

“My agent’s losing his mind. He’s been at me trying to get me to agree to book signings and public appearances and he’s pissed that this is the way I get introduced to Seoul’s High society. Poor guy.” Namjoon chuckled and I felt guilt churn.

“I’m sorry, Namjoon. I really didn’t think they’d be following me. I mean… usually they’re only tailing Jungkook but I guess with the whole thing with Lisa , they’re just looking for ways to make things worse.” I said hesitantly.

Namjoon hesitated, staring at me for a few seconds.

“We never really talked about how things are.” He said quietly. “ Between you and Jungkook, that is.”

I ran the edge of my chopsticks on the brim of my soup bowl.

“ There’s not much to say. He’s…. He’s still sorting things out. With my sister.” I smiled a little. It ached a lot less, I realized with surprise.

“They loved each other deeply.” Namjoon said softly. “ that sort of thing doesn’t go away that quickly.”

I nodded.

“Of course. And I’ve been …understanding of that. I like to think.”

“But its unfair to you. You deserve to be loved too. Fully and well .”

I leaned back to stare at him.

“Are you offering?” I laughed, teasing.

Namjoon didn’t smile, leaning forward instead.

“Depends. Will you ever consider leaving him, for me?” He said seriously.

My heart turned over inside me.

“Namjoon…” I choked out and he reached out and lightly touched my palm.

“I know how marriages work with people like you, so I think I should draw boundaries now, if I want to keep myself safe.” He smiled a bit.

“I’m pregnant. With his child.” I swallowed and Namjoon’s brows went up.

“I thought it was your child. Yours and no one else’s.”

I felt torn, staring at him and wanting to say that I didn’t consider Jungkook as the child’s father, not in the way most people did. But I also remembered my husbands determined voice, the way he kept insisting that he wouldn’t neglect the child.

“Its not about Jungkook or the child, Leah. Its about you. You married Jungkook knowing he was in love with your sister and that tells me that you listen to your parents. You don’t want to stand up against the rules set by our parents and I don’t fault you for it. But I can’t let myself fall for you, knowing you’re going to be bound by your obligations to yurr family.”

I shook my head.

“Don’t fall in love with me.” I said easily. “ You’re right. My family comes first. And whether I want to be or not, I’m bound to Jungkook for life. So don’t fall in love with me.”

He smiled and nodded.

“Alright then.”

“Do you want to move out?” I asked bitterly and he looked genuinely surprised.

“What?”

“You clearly think I’m trying to seduce you or something when really, I-“

“Hey. Hey, Leah…no. No alright, that’s not what I meant. These two weeks, it was amazing. I love your mind and you’re easily one of my favorite people on this planet. We’re friends. And we’ll stay friends no matter what but you must know why I said what I said. You’re a beautiful woman and I’m a lonely guy.” He smiled a bit, “ I just don’t want to make it hard for myself when you want me to leave.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Jungkook arrived back in Korea on a cold, rainy morning and against my better judgment I let Jihyun and Lisa drag me to the airport. It was some kind of publicity stunt, that much I could fathom but I didn’t know if Jungkook was in on it. I hadn’t spoken to him in a few days, he had been busy wrapping things up with the new branch in Japan.

It was another bad day for my leg and I found myself leaning heavily on my sister, her arm wrapped around my waist as we walked over to the waiting area. I could already identify a few men with cameras staring at us discreetly. Paparazzi . I saw them move their cameras down to the now obvious curve of my stomach and I swallowed. I could already imagine the articles wondering who the father was : Jungkook or Namjoon.

“You alright?” My sister asked worriedly and I nodded, not looking at her. Lisa hadn’t been discouraged by initial refusal to speak to her, keeping at it till I finally caved and let her visit me at the estate. She didn’t love Jungkook anymore, she insisted . It was over. They were over . She wanted to give her marriage a chance. Very sweet and nice, that. And it was obvious that she wasn’t lying, what with the way she and her husband kept

Jihyun and Lisa had made amends with each other and it annoyed me that they seemed to be madly in love with each other all of a sudden. Like the past couple months hadn’t even happened. I stared down at my wedding ring feeling stricken. Was it unfair that I resented them for this? Why hadn’t the two of them thought of this, of breaking things off and moving on before the damn wedding. And then maybe Jungkook and I would have had a real marriage too.

Bitter and hormonal was definitely not a good combination I thought with a wince, fingers splaying on the curve of my lower belly. It was so odd, being pregnant. The extra weight somehow foreign but also …so soothing. The last scan had shown that I had an anterior placenta and that meant that I may not feel movements for a while. I didn’t mind, having found comfort in just tracing my palm over the bare skin of my stomach.

“There he is.” Jihyun’s voice made me look up and ure enough there he was.

It wasn’t the longest we’d been away from each other and yet, I felt my heart leap at the sight of him. He truly was a very handsome man, I thought miserably. And no matter what people said, it was infinitely more difficult to hate your husband when he looked that good.

Jungkook’s eyes caught mine first and I saw the way his gaze dipped straight to the curve of my bump. Even from the ten feet between us , I saw hi lips part in surprise , eyes going wide. It probably hadn’t felt real to him till now, I thought biting my lips as he carefully handed his bags over to the two chauffeurs who had rushed to help him.

Jihyun wasted no time in bounding over and hugging his little brother tight.

I glanced at the man who had been taking photos, pleased to see the surprise in his face. Was he hoping that the CEO would punch his little brother in the face ? Idiots. Lisa stayed by my side and I exhaled shakily.

“ Dad told me something and I want to know if its true.” I said quietly.

She didn’t reply.

I took a deep breath, still watching the two brothers embrace each other, Jungkook’s face buried in Jihyun’s shoulders. I could see him shaking just a little and I felt my gut clench.

“He told me that …that you never told him that you wanted to marry Jungkook. That when he suggested Jihyun you agreed at once.”

She looked away.

“Lets talk about this later.” She said quietly.

“Does Jungkook know?” I demanded. “ Because he spent that first month of our marriage cursing our father out for forcing you to marry Jihyun. Forcing. And dad says that he did no such thing. So what is the truth.”

Lisa didn’t respond.

“Jungkook  knows.” She said finally, “ I told him… the truth. When we were in Japan.” and I laughed in disbelief.

“Was that before or after you kissed him?” I snapped and she looked genuinely pained.

“Leah, I never meant to hurt you or Jungkook.” She said shakily.

“My God.” I shook my head. “ I always knew you were a selfish, greedy person but I didn’t take you for being a liar and a deceitful coward. ”

She stared down at her feet.

“Yes. I’m greedy..”  She whispered “ And you may not understand it now but I did it for you and for Jungkook.”

She moved away and I watched as Jihyun pulled away from Jungkook, still holding his arm as he held a hand out to Lisa. The smile on her face seemed genuine as she took her husband’s hand and I shifted my gaze to mine. Jihyun and Lisa walked away to their car and Jungkook stepped closer to me, his face stoic and impossible to read.  

“Leah.” He said quietly, dark hair falling into even darker eyes.

I didn’t reply, merely stepping up to gently press my palms on either side of his face.

“Welcome back.” I said softly, before reaching up and kissing him full on the lips. Jungkook’s entire body went stiff as a board at the gesture but he didn’t pull away , thankfully. It felt cold and impersonal and barely lasted a few seconds but hopefully the man had gotten a few good shots. I closed my eyes for effect, running my thumb over the clean shaven curve of his jaw, before pulling away slowly.

I peered over Jungkook’s shoulder, just to make sure and sure enough, the man was moving closer to get better angles. I smiled a little. Good. That should hold these vultures off for a while. I turned back to Jungkook and his eyes followed my gaze catching sight of the man with the camera and his entire body seemed to go stiff with anger.

“Why did you do that?” He growled and I bit my lips.

“You know why.” I made to turn away but he gripped my arm, hard. So hard that I winced.

“What are you doing?” I asked panicking, glancing at the man who was still watching.

“Since when did you start pandering to those pigs?” He whispered angrily and I flinched.

“Your father wants to introduce you to the Board of directors this weekend.” I whispered quietly, “Most of them read the news Jungkook. The last news about us can’t be about you cheating on me.”

“That’s my business. And I’ll deal with it. We’re not doing this, Leah. I’m not putting on some kind of act just to please my fucking father.” He looked furious and the taut line of his jaw made me flinch.

“I’m sorry.” I said quickly, guilt churning inside me. He was right. I shouldn’t have done that without talking to him about it but I knew that the scandal with him and Lisa wouldn’t go down well with the Board. And the Board generally had a direct say on who got hired to top managerial positions.

“I just want you to get that job.” I said softly and he stared at me, stiff body relaxing marginally.

“Let’s just go home. Yeah?” Jungkook said tiredly and I bit my lips.

Less than fifteen minutes since he came home and we were already at odds with each other.

The most ill suited couple in the universe, I thought with a grimace as he stepped right next to me and wrapped a hand around my waist.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I had a very terrible tendency to forget taking my pills. So I generally left them by the bedside table. Stepping out of the shower, I found Jungkook sitting on my side of the bed, examining the bottle carefully. I tugged on the white t shirt I had on, suddenly embarrassed because it was Jungkook’s

I’d asked to borrow a couple over the phone,  simply because I no longer fit into my own and the ones I’d ordered weren’t here yet. Jungkook had agreed but still, it felt awkward when he was wearing the exact same t shirt himself.

He turned around when I moved to the vanity to put on moisturizer for the night and through the reflection I saw his gaze linger on my attire.

“Aspirin? Didn’t know that was part of pre natal vitamins?” He said seriously and I blinked., surprised. I turned around to stare at him, licking my lips nervously.

“How much research did you do?” I asked, genuinely curious and he flushed.

“I had a lot of free time. “ He said defensively. “ These six weeks.”

I frowned, before turning back to grab the small pot of night cream from the draw.

“My blood pressure is a little elevated. My mother had pre eclampsia with my sister and they just want to be careful.”

“Pre eclampsia?” Jungkook’s voice was fraught with nervousness and I turned back to see him almost white as a sheet.

“Jungkook…I.. its nothing serious.” I said hastily and his jaw went even more taut.

“What do you mean its not serious? Do you even know what it is?” He demanded.

“Do you?” I snapped back, annoyed at being treated like I was an errant child.

“I know that it’s the leading cause of maternal death during birth.” He all but shouted and I flinched.

“Okay…that’s only in extreme cases.” I held both my hands up. “ it’s a bit too premature to be panicking over that.”

Jungkook opened his mouth, as though to argue but then seemed to calm himself down.

“When’s your next check up?” He asked casually.

“This weekend. But its okay, Namjoon is-“

“I’ll come with you. I.. I want to come with you.” He said quietly.

I stared at him, feeling too awkward to outright refuse.

“You have the meeting with the Board. This weekend.” I said softly.

“So?” Jungkook shrugged. “ I’ll just tell them your appointment and health is more important to me. Besides isn’t that what you wanted? The reason you kissed me at the airport? You want the board to think we’re happily in love. I think that would be an excellent way to show them that. ”

Jungkook stared at me , head tilted curiously, daring me to deny what I had old him myself.

Sighing, I nodded.

“Alright.” I managed a weak smile. “ You can come with me.”

“Namjoon hyung left today, you said?” He asked casually.

I nodded.

“I should send him a bottle of his favorite wine for taking care of you so well. You look good.”

“He did it because he wanted to. Because he enjoyed it.” I retorted, his words rubbing me just a little wrong.

Jungkook smiled although it was more of a smirk.

“I’m sure he did. But I’m here now. And I did promise you that I’ll be there for you.”

“For the baby.” I said sharply, not liking the way he looked. The things he seemed to b implying.” You promised me you’d be there for the baby.”

“And right now, said baby is inside you.” He grinned now and I felt my pulse quicken at the sight. Jungkook didn’t smile with me. It wasn’t something that happened. At all. “ So I’ll have to take care of you.”

I stared at him, biting my lips.

“What are you doing?” I demanded. “My sister told you she never wanted you so now you want to start fucking me again?”

It was cruel. A terrible thing to say and I regretted it at once.

The smile faded.

“What?”

“ I…fuck Jungkook.” I groaned.

“is that what you think of me? Need I remind you that you were the one who came to me all those months ago? I never…. I would never force myself on you, Leah.” He looked like he’d been stabbed and I heart clenched.

“Jungkook , I…”

“I’ve been honest. Through all of this I’ve been honest to you. I lied to your sister, I lied to my father and fuck I even lied to myself. But I’ve been honest with you , Leah.”

“And that’s supposed to make me feel better?!” I cried out, despairing. “ You were in love with my sister and –“

“And she wanted to marry my brother.” Jungkook yelled, standing up and turning to me, eyes blazing. “  All along. Know what she told me Leah? That it was never supposed to be me. That five years of us being together…it was because she was in love with my brother and she couldn’t bear the thought of being alone. She started dating me to make him jealous and when she saw that I spent so much time with Jihyun she stuck around . So she could spend time with him.” He shook his head.

I stared at him, horrified.

“Jungkook….”

“I thought I could never feel more pathetic than when I stood there listening her tel me how she never felt a single thing for me. But wow…. Thank you for proving me wrong. Because right now, standing here begging you to let me a part of the child we both made knowing you only see me as some kind of pervert just looking to get into your bed….” he shook his head,” I feel worse. I feel dirty.”

My throat went dry.

“You know what?” He moved to the closet and to my horror he grabbed a bunch of his clothes and a small suitcase. “ I’m going to go get a Hotel room.”

“What? No… Jungkook, wait!” I rushed to his side, grabbing his arm but he threw my hand off quickly.

“Ask Namjoon hyung to move back in. Better yet, tell dad the truth. That you think I’m disgusting. That the thought of me being in your life makes you sick. Tell him you want a divorce and-“

“It’s a girl.” I exhaled sharply.

Jungkook went completely still.

I swallowed, my heart racing so fast I couldn’t catch my breath.

I took a deep breath and moved to lightly touch his back, fingers splaying on the broad expanse of his shoulder blade .

He turned around at that and my heart lurched at the tear tracks down his cheeks. He looked wrecked.

“ A girl?” He whispered.

I bit my lips, nodding.

“We’re having a little girl.” He looked a little shell shocked.

“Yes. And hopefully, she isn’t as dramatic as her father.” I said softly, grabbing the dozen or so t shirts he’d pulled out of the closet and pushing them back into the shelves.

Jungkook didn’t protest, still staring into space, probably just taking the news in. I felt awful for one second because I hadn’t even cared all that much when the technician had told me.

I closed the closet door and moved back to the vanity trying to process all that had been said in the last five minutes, only to feel a headache come on. I would think about it tomorrow.

I finished braiding my hair when Jungkook’s voice came from the bed.

“If you don’t want me to intrude into your space you can tell me. I’m okay with only getting information about the baby.” He said quietly.

I stared at myself in the mirror.

I turned to him slowly. i took a deep breath, considered that what i was going to say would likely change everything between us. But i had to. 

I’ve always been honest with you Leah, He had said and I decided that perhaps he deserved some honesty in return.

“I think I’m in love with Namjoon.” 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Author’s Note : these two are such a mess istg. 

ooh i don’t have a taglist for this so please comment if you wanna be on it. 

[linawritesfanficandmore]

Hot and Strange Kind of Help

Summary:

Sanji helps Zoro for his rut

Notes:

Guys Guys... I am so ashamed of myself rn. First, this is my longest chapter nearly 4k words so wooh and No Beta We Die Like Men Second This is my first time writing smut in English so... Actually, this can be counted as the first smut writing ever of mine so... Anyway good luck

/////////////

After Zoro woke up, Chopper spoke to him.

“Zoro, you need a recovery rut after an injury like this, but since it's two weeks until your next rut and Luffy doesn't want to stay here for another two weeks and I don't know where we will be for another two weeks if you'll excuse me, I'd like to put you on the forced rut. I talked to Luffy. If you agree, we'll stay here until your rut is over." “Is this what's best for me, Chopper?” "Yes." "Okay then." "Beautiful. How would you like to spend your routine? Like Luffy-" “Chopper, I am a sexual man.” “Alright. Maybe someone from the other group would like to accompany you, do you want me to ask?” “I wouldn't want to spend my Chopper rut with a stranger. I've had alone rut before. It won't be a problem.” “Can you check your food, water, and bandages?” "Do not worry." "Ok then. I'll let you know when I have the room ready." “Okay, Chopper.”

*** *** After a while, Chopper showed Zoro his room.

“Zoro, I want you to lie down on the futon. And I'm going to inject you with this drug. In a couple of hours, your rut will begin.” “Okay Chopper.”

He did as Zoro Chopper said and lay down on the futon. Chopper also injected the needle into Zoro.

“You have the water and easy-to-prepare food section on this side. Bandages and medical supplies on this side and this-“ “Chopper. I got this.” “Please Zoro, don't push yourself. Be careful.” “I will.” ***

While all this is happening:

“Luffy? I need to talk to you! Alone!” “Okay.”

They went to a place where they could be alone together.

“Luffy…” “Yes, Sanji?” “Well… if you let me…” "What?" “I want to help Marimo with his rut.” “Huh?” "I said-" "I heard you. But I wasn't expecting that but hahaha. Okay, you can help. We can cook for ourselves for a few days.” “Thank you, Luffy.” “No problem.” “And Luffy?” “Yes?” “Can you tell the others that I am just resting? Not helping that…” “Okay, Sanji.” “Thanks again Luffy.”

After Sanji left, Luffy turned around.

“He would have noticed all of you if he wasn't being so reckless.”

Others came out of hiding.

Nami:

“What do you think will happen next?” “I think the cook-bro and Zoro-bro will definitely be lovers.” “No, no Zoro and Sanji will never be able to look at each other again.” “Yohohoho Young love blooms yohohohoh!” “What do you think, captain-san?” “They will continue to be Zoro and Sanji. They are idiots.” “I agree. It is still early.”

/////////Start of Sexual Content////// ***

“Fuck… This is bullshit… How does Rut make me heal when I get so tired… Fuck.. ah… it hurts…” “Stop whining you dumb marimo.”

As soon as Zoro heard Sanji's voice, he took a sitting position from his lying position. Of course, he was hurt by the sudden movement. Sanji had locked the door as well.

"Stupid. Don't make sudden moves. Don't you want to get better?"

As Zoro breathes deeply:

“W-why… Why… y-you here?” "I will help you." “I-I don't want…”

Even though Zoro said this, his body couldn't help it. He could clearly hear Sanji's pheromones right now. He got a bulge.

“Idiot. I can see.” “I-I don't… need your help.” “Oh yeah? Okay, then I am leaving.”

After saying that, Sanji opened the door. When exiting:

“Wait!”

Sanji grinned and re-entered and locked the door again.

“Now what do you want you horny marimo?” “You are… fucking irritating.” “Yeah, So?” “H-help…” “To who?” “M-me… you fucker.” “How do you want my help?” “I want your touch.” “Oh, you finally can form a full sentence without taking a few breaths.” “Just come over…here!” “No, no little marimo. You made me so angry. So we will play this by my rules. I will be in charge.” “Whatever. Just come already. It hurts… Please…”

Sanji kept standing at the door without answering. He hadn't heard what he wanted yet.

“Sanji…Please…help me…” “Better.”

So Sanji went to the futon where Zoro was lying and sat right next to him. With his arrival, Zoro laid his head on his shoulder. He was breathing deeply. It was obvious that he was in pain, but as Sanji had said before. He was angry with him and would not give him what he wanted easily. Of course, it wasn't meant to torture. After all, this was his healing rut. Still, Sanji thought he deserved it.

“Are you still there, Marimo?” “H-how are you not affected?” “Well, I wanted a clear mind. Took strong suppressants.” “I…I hate this…” "Don't. You are smelling so good. Now, look at me. Tell me what you want.”

Zoro looked up at Sanji. If it was a normal rut, Zoro would be much more energetic and would never let Sanji take control, but right now he was in a desperate situation.

“I… I want your touch.” “Where to, Zoro?” “To my penis.”

Sanji smiled. He wasn't willing to torture, as he said. If he played properly, he would easily get what he wanted. Since he could express it directly, he did what he said and slowly ran his hand over Zoro's pants over his hardened penis.

“You want me to touch this?”

Zoro moans.

"Y-yeah!" “More? "Yes!" “Then show it to me, Zoro-kun.”

Zoro hated rut. That's why he liked to use suppressants. People did not understand how they spoke about rut with pleasure. The rut was also a kind of heat. What's so cool about not being able to control your own body? Zoro hated it, but right now he had no choice. He stood up and slowly took off his pants.

"Hm... I still can't see it Zoro-kun." “You are an asshole.” “I can wait. As much as you want.”

Zoro didn't want to play his games. It was nerve-wracking. Moreover, he did not know this cook. He had never seen him like this. Still, he was a helpless alpha now. Not much. He also took off his underwear. He released his already hardened leaking penis.

“Oh, already this much pre-cum huh?”

Zoro blushed:

“S-shut up!” “So… Zoro-kun. What do you want?”

Zoro was about to die of embarrassment. "Do not you answer? Even to this?”

Sanji slowly approached him and blew lightly on his penis. Zoro suddenly tensed and his penis hardened even more. Sanji was sure that he wouldn't last long if he touches him right now.

“Your answer?” “Take it!” “With?” “Your mouth!” “What is the magic word?” “Please…” “Good boy.”

Then Sanji began to draw circles on the tip of Zoro's penis with his tongue. Zoro was already in bad shape and Sanji was making things even harder.

“F-fuck~ Cook… stop teasing. Please~~”

Sanji opened his mouth wide and took Zoro's penis in his mouth. He also didn't neglect to play with his tongue as he slowly tides.

“Oh, ~~ S-shit~ I didn't think you were that good~~ So close~ Cook… Faster.”

Zoro grabbed Sanji's head with his hands and started to support him. So Sanji got even faster. Zoro's moans and erotic voices from Sanji began to echo in that small room. Sanji wasn't particularly experienced in blow jobs or deep throat, but for Zoro... He was doing his best for Zoro. He supported it as much as he could with his tongue and took it as much as he could with his throat. It was as if Sanji was totally feeling it. His penis was beating like a heart. He knew he was close to coming. That's why he wasn't against Zoro. He even started getting a little deeper.

“Fuck! Cook! Back off! I'm gonna cum!

Sanji did not. He didn't let him either.

“CUMMING!”

As Zoro came, Sanji didn't move as much as he could and greeted all the sperm. When Zoro finished, Sanji swallowed them while staring into Zoro's eyes as he pulled back. Zoro slowly sat down on the ground.

“Fuck cook. That was…” “What?” “Amazing. Best…” “Oh… Really?” “Yeah… Maybe it is because…” “What?” “Because it was you…”

Zoro couldn't look into Sanji's eyes. Sanji was also blushing. Still, he quickly recovered himself and looked at Zoro. It had not hardened again. He had only stumbled upon an alpha's rut so far, and he could tell it wasn't the same. This showed how injured Zoro was. He couldn't harden himself with a blow job because of the suppressants he took. That's why:

“Would you like something to eat?” "I am not hungry." "But-" “I'll eat later. Now leave me alone.” "No."

Zoro turned to him:

“HUH?” “I will stay with you all the rut.” “Oh…” "Yes. So if you're tired, let's get some sleep." “I sleep in the corner. You get the futon." "Stupid. I said let's sleep the way we sleep on the nest." "Really?" "Yes." "Well…"

So Zoro lay on the futon with his back turned. His lower body was still bare, but he didn't care because of the rut. Sanji didn't care either and he hugged him from behind and fell asleep.

*** A few hours later, in the morning, Sanji awoke to Zoro's movements.

“Zoro?” “Oh~~ Fuck! Did I wake you? I didn't want. I will handle it. Oh~ you can sleep. Your scent is enough.”

Sanji rolled his eyes and started to slide down the futon. Slowly, he pulled up Zoro's shirt and began to place kisses on the swordsman's exposed waist.

“Idiot. I told you. I am here to help.” “Oh cook~~”

He found Zoro's hands with his hands as he continued to kiss. He pulled them off his penis.

"You don't have to do anything, Marimo." “Oh~” “Do you want me to continue, Zoro-kun?” “YES!” “Good boy~”

So Sanji grabbed Zoro's penis with his hands. While playing with the tip of his penis with his right hand, he was making rubbing with his left hand and licking Zoro's waist at the same time. Zoro was dizzy with all this attention. He covered his mouth with his hand so as not to shout with pleasure. Sanji smiled at that. Zoro was really cute.

“Zoro~”

He whispered sexily.

“Are you enjoying this~?”

He pressed his hands a little harder.

“Or should I pay a little attention to these?”

He took his right hand from the tip of his penis and directed it towards the balls. He fully grasped Zoro's right ball and started playing with his fingertips. Zoro shuddered at this movement and started squeezing the futon with his free hand.

“It was a very good reaction. I love it, but this time I won't let you come easily. Look at that pathetic penis. How is it leaking?"

Sanji got up. So Zoro gets into the supine position:

“Cook?” “Stay that way, Zoro-kun. And never cum! Did you understand?" “Y-yes.” “This time I want attention too.”

Sanji took off his pants and underwear. Zoro liked the sight he saw. When he is about to hold his penis with his hand:

“What did I say! You will not cum, Zoro-kun. Which means you won't be playing with it!”

At Sanji's orders, Zoro gave up. Sanji came to Zoro with a smile too.

"Now let's get rid of those in our way, shall we?"

He took off Zoro's shirt, then his own. He placed a few pillows behind Zoro and placed him in the swordsman's half-sitting position. Then he sat on Zoro's lap and immediately grabbed the leaking penis with his right hand.

“Do you like looking at me while I am paying attention to your cock Zoro~~?”

Zoro was about to lose his mind. That was too much.

“Y-Yes!”

Sanji grinned and licked Zoro's chin.

“Who would have guessed that you could smell so good?” “S-Sanji~” “Marimo~”

Sanji started to speed up his hand. With his free hand, he began to play with the nipple. Zoro couldn't hold back any longer. He grabbed Sanji's head and started kissing him. Sanji was surprised, yet he didn't resist. On the contrary, he quit his other jobs to put everything into that kiss. He settled into Zoro's lap. In this way, their penises started rubbing against each other, and eventually, Sanji got hard too. Zoro was such a good kisser. Sanji surrendered himself to his control. He wraps his arms around Zoro's neck. Zoro grabbed him by the waist. They set a rhythm with their tongues and their bodies accompanied this rhythm. With each movement, the penises were rubbing against each other, which made them even hornier. Zoro was close. Knowing this, Sanji stopped kissing.

“Bring your hand, Marimo.”

He took his hand and brought it to the penises. They started to rub together. Zoro threw his head back in pleasure. Sanji was feeling well enough too. He opened his mouth to speed things up a bit. And he made his saliva fall on the penises. With the wetness, the movements got a little easier. They acted in harmony. After a while, Zoro came along and threw himself on the pillows, exhausted. Since Sanji hadn't cum yet, he got up and went to Zoro's bedside.

“I still haven't cum Zoro-kun. Make me!”

Zoro then brought his head closer to Sanji's penis. He wet the tip with his tongue. Then he took it straight into his mouth. Sanji didn't expect it to be so sudden. Still, he let Zoro. He was a little taken aback because Zoro knew what he was doing. It made him feel good. If he could keep that up, it wouldn't be long before he cum.

"Oh, Zoro~ you are so good~"

Zoro took Sanji's penis completely in his mouth in response. Wet erotic voices could be heard very clearly and Sanji's moans… If Zoro weren't tired and injured, that voice would have turned him on again. As soon as Zoro realized that Sanji was coming, he grabbed Sanji's hips and pressed himself against him, and took all the sperms. As Sanji pulled back, he swallowed it while looking into his eyes as well, referring to him.

“They were just as delicious as your meals.” “Shut up! Hahaha!"

He slammed a pillow in Zoro's face.

“Are you going to eat now?” "I'm too tired. I don't think I can get up." “I will feed you. I am a cook. It is my job.” “Oh… Really?”

As Sanji cleans up their sleeping place as much as possible:

“Wipe that grin off your face, Marimo. I see you're a little more yourself today." “Well… Rut gets intense the first day and last day.” "Three days?" “Yeah. The second day is when I'm most comfortable. The first is the hardest.” “Hmm…” “What about your heat?” “Usually four days. The first two days are more intense, the next two days are more relaxed.” “Isn't it similar?” "Yeah, but that's not your full rut performance, is it?" "No. But I'm not considered to have had too many ruts." "Really? But you seem more experienced than I thought.”

By this time he had finished cleaning and started preparing the meals.

“I am experienced. in sex. Out of rut. I do not like my position in Rut.” “Hm… Yes, you said so yesterday.” "Yes. What are you preparing?" “I'm going a little too easy. Heating ramen." "I thought you would make a fancy meal." “I'm tired too, Zoro-kun.” “By the way, why did you want to help?” "We'll talk about that later." “You were angry yesterday.” “I still am. Just less.” “I don't regret it.” "I know." “I would do it again.” "I know."

Sanji brought the food and water.

"Eat." "I-" "Shut up. Later." "I am glad it was me." "Later!"

Zoro then fell silent and they ate together. They slept again, but this time it was Sanji who turned his back. Zoro fell asleep, breathing in Sanji's scent.

Zoro slept for the rest of that day. Sanji woke up every few hours and made him drink his water and wiped his sweaty forehead.

*** The next morning, Zoro woke up feeling hot and turned to see Sanji sleeping on his arm. Sanji hadn't dressed them again. Zoro knew very well that he shouldn't do anything to a sleeping person, but the rut was confusing him. That's why he pulled his arm from under Sanji and got up. He didn't know if it was the room or himself, it was too hot. He looked at the things the others had prepared for him. There were lots of condoms. There was even one fleshlight, but Zoro had never been fond of toys. There was what he needed. Lube He poured a little on his hand and started stroking his penis. Meanwhile, he tried to focus on Sanji's scent in the room.

“Fuck… Sanji~ oh~~”

Sanji had never been a deep sleeper. That's why he had already woken up to Zoro's voice.

"Didn't you learn anything from yesterday, Marimo?" "I…"

Sanji got up and walked over to Zoro. Zoro leaned back in the corner of the room.

“Zoro-kun. I am here to help. Ask me!” “Cook~~” “Well, let's first call my name!” “S-Sanji~~” “You are such a good boy. Now the other thing?” “I want you Sanji!” “How?” “I want to feel your insides.”

Sanji smiled and walked towards Zoro's lap.

“Prepare me.”

So Zoro took the lube again and poured it on his fingers. He brought Sanji a little closer to himself. He slowly licked his stomach and thrust one of his fingers into the hole. Sanji was feeling hot. He got hard.

“You like this cook?” “Shut up~ I am the one who is in charge.” “You sure are~ you are so beautiful cook~”

Sanji hid his face by hugging Zoro's head as he was embarrassed by the compliment. Zoro took the opportunity to get closer and added a second finger. That was the best part about having sex with Omegas. Thanks to their secretion system, they were prepared very easily. He immediately added the third finger. When he thought he was ready enough, he pulled his fingers:

“Is that enough, cook?”

Instead of answering, Sanji sat on Zoro's lap. First, he rubbed some of his legs against Zoro's penis. At this reaction, Zoro moaned deeply.

"Cook~~ Don't tease~~"

If Sanji hadn't been so horny, he would definitely have continued. He immediately slipped the condom which Zoro wasn't sure when he took it, onto his penis. Then he pretended to stand up slightly, positioned Zoro's penis in his hole, and slowly took him.

“Ahhh Cook~~Feels so~~ Good~” “Yes! You are~~ Gosh Zoro!~”

When he was completely inside, Zoro first hugged him, and then they started kissing again. Meanwhile, Sanji was shaking his hips slightly. Every move made Zoro hornier. Still, he did not go unanswered. On the one hand, he started to play with Sanji's nipples. They both stopped kissing when they got to the point where they couldn't take it anymore. They were out of breath. Zoro started to grab him by the waist. Sanji starts jumping slowly but rhythmically on Zoro's lap. Zoro was enchanted by the sound and the feeling Sanji gave each sitting. Sanji, on the other hand, was already accustomed to the feeling of fullness immediately, acting as if he could not live without it. They were both so full of pleasure that they couldn't even speak a sentence. Their moans mixed.

“Cum! Cum inside!~~ Zoro~~ Please fill me!”

Zoro then started making Sanji jump on his own. Harder, faster… And he hugged him to his climax.

“Ahhhh~~” “Oh, Zoro~~”

While Zoro filled the condom inside Sanji, Sanji painted Zoro's chest with his semen. Sanji then got up slowly, but after the previous sex, he hadn't quite regained his balance. When he was about to fall, Zoro grabbed him.

“Fuck cook! It was amazing.” “Yeah.”

At that moment, Sanji's eye was on the condom. He pulled the condom from Zoro and tied it in a knot and tossed it aside. Then he took Zoro's penis into his mouth.

“Sanji!” “Cleaning and one round isn't enough.” "Don't! I don't think I can sit still. Not enough energy.” “I will ride you.”

So Sanji looked at Zoro's penis as it hardened again.

“You can wait, right Zoro-kun?” “Sanji~”

Sanji could see Zoro struggling. So he immediately brought futon pillows and made Zoro half-sitting, half-lying. And he got onto his lap. He used the second condom. But he didn't do what he just did. Now he started sucking on Zoro's nipples. With that, Zoro was both relieved and even much hornier. Sanji sucked on Zoro's nipples until they were red and slightly swollen.

“Do you like your work, cook?” “So much! Now for the main dish~”

Sanji didn't need to prepare With a sudden movement, he completely took Zoro inside of him.

“FUCK COOK!~ not so fast~ “But I want it fast!”

Indeed, he could only quickly extinguish his current fire. It was hard and fast, and he started to ride him.

“Ahhh Zoro~~ So big~~ So full~~ I can feel you so well!~” "Sanji!~ Not so fast~ I-I c-can't...~" “Cum! Cum for me! Please Zoro! Shoot it inside me!”

After Sanji ride him a few more times, the two of them reached orgasm at the same time. Sanji's sperm even landed on Zoro's face. Zoro's sperm-filled another condom. Sanji fell on Zoro's legs in delight and exhaustion. Meanwhile, Zoro's penis came out of him.

“Fuck Zoro. This… This was the best.” “Yeah.”

They were both very tired and fell asleep just like that.

//////Finish of Sexual Content///////

*** Sanji got up after about an hour. He got Zoro to drink again, as he did yesterday and changed his bandages. Zoro's rut was almost over. So he cleaned Zoro as much as possible and dressed him in his clothes. The swordsman must have been so tired that he didn't wake up to all this. Then he got dressed and went out.

He ran into Luffy outside.

“Oh, Sanji!” "Hey, Luffy." “How did it go?”

Sanji blushed. Luffy didn't need to ask that. Everything was clear from Sanji's scent.

“Shishishi okay I won't ask. Why did you come out? Is it over?” "Almost. I was going to prepare clean clothes. Like this…" “Robin has it ready.” "Does she know?" “Shishishi that is Robin.” “Yeah… I'll get them then.”

Sanji went to Sunny. Strangely, no one was there. Indeed, as Luffy said, he and Zoro had clean clothes on their beds. Just when he was going to get them:

“Are you going to take a bath in the castle?” “Fuck! ROBIN-CHAN?! You scared me!” “I am sorry Cook-san. Wasn't planning to.” “It is okay.” “So?” “Yeah. I was planning that.” “You can shower here. We can give some time to you guys.” "Everyone knows, don't they?" “They do. But you wouldn't be able to hide it Sanji." “Scent?” “Yeah. All over you.” “Okay then. I will bring him here.” “Good.”

After talking to Robin, he left the clothes in the bathroom and came back. He checked Zoro, and looked good.

“Oi Marimo-kun! You need to eat.”

Zoro groaned and woke up.

“What?” “Eat.”

Zoro began to eat. He went back to bed after he was full. Sanji lay next to him

*** A few hours later, Zoro woke him up.

“Cook!” “What?” “My rut is over.” “Oh. Then let's go to take a shower."

When Zoro is startled, Sanji says:

“What?” “They know?” “Yeah… They prepared a shower and clothes for us.” “Oh…” “Yeah… Anyway, can you walk?” “Yes. I am not fragile, shitty cook.” “I am not saying you are. I am saying you are injured.”

Sanji stood up and extended his hand to Zoro. Zoro stood up, holding him. As Sanji is about to leave:

“Cook!” “Yeah?” “Thank you.” “Whatever. It is not a big deal. I am glad you are okay.” “Yeah. Me too”

Next

Previous

Strating

[xtrrdnrypotato]

Bakugo x chubby reader

Katsuki Bakugo x chubby! female reader

TW: fluff, language, reader is insecure of her figure,

Note: This is my first piece so please go easy on me if I didn’t portray everything exactly. This is also a part of @heart-shaped-cheerios collab event, so go check her out. Also, I hope this fic makes you less insecure with yourself because whatever shape, form or size you are, you are perfect and you're the only one who can do you. Also, if some of the lines sound familiar to you, that's probably because I took some inspiration from Yagami Yato hehe anyways I hope you enjoy

WC: 2.7 k

You stared longingly at Bakugo again for the umpteenth time, your food untouched.

"Y/n!" your friend, Mina, called again, and your attention snapped to her.

"Oh, sorry, what was it?" you asked her, and you swore she looked so close to facepalming herself.

"I said, you still haven't touched your food. Quit daydreaming about Bakugo and start eating!" she said, almost yelled, and you shushed her quickly.

"Shh! Mina, don't talk too loud or he might hear you," you said, glancing quickly at the said boy to make sure his attention wasn't on you guys. Mina sighed exasperatedly.

"Y/n, how many times have I told you, just tell him your feelings. This is our last year in UA. If you don't tell him now how you feel, you may never get the chance to do so," she said, softer this time and you sighed.

"I know, but, you know how I feel about myself," you answered, looking down at your body. "And besides, he's probably not even in the slightest bit interested in me," you added as you took a bite off of your food.

"Hey, you never know! Who knows, maybe secretly, he's also daydreaming about you when you're not looking." You could clearly hear the mischief in her tone and you shook your head.

"Yeah right, as if," you mumbled as you kept eating, unaware of the vermilion eyes staring at you with a somewhat doting look.

It was your dreaded time of the day again. Training. You hated it when it's time for training, hated it when you don your hero costume, hated how you're fully aware you probably look round as hell in it, and hated the fact that Bakugo has to see you in it. But seeing Bakugo in his hero costume somehow made your hatred for training a little more bearable. You were so caught up in your thoughts that you almost missed it when Aizawa-sensei announced that you would have to go against Bakugo. Almost.

"Wait, what?!" you gasped as soon as you realized what your teacher said.

"Is there any problem?" Aizawa asked sternly and you gulped, shaking your head.

"N-none, sir."

"Good. Now, everyone, get ready," he said.

"Mina, Mina, Mina! I'm going up against Bakugo," you said to your best friend, clinging to her arm frantically. She immediately looked at you.

"Wait, really?"

"Yes! Oh, what do I do, what do I do?" you panicked as you thought of ways on how to avoid making yourself look like a complete and utter fool.

"Relax. Everything's going to be fine. Just, try not to look like a fool and do your best. Don't think of him as Bakugo, your crush. For now, think of him as Bakugo, someone you have to go against," Mina said as she rubbed your shoulders to help you calm down and that seemed to do the trick. With a deep breath, you nodded and smiled.

"You're right! Thanks, Mina," you said.

"Welcome, now go and get ready. You're up for one heck of a training," she grinned and you rolled your eyes playfully, thanking her once again before leaving to get ready.

Meanwhile, Bakugo watched as you started getting ready.

"Oi, Bakugo, quit staring at Y/n and get yourself ready," Denki teased, flustering the spiky haired blonde.

"Shut up! I'm not staring at her!" he denied as he geared himself up. Denki and Kirishima glanced at each other with a knowing look, before bursting into laughter. Bakugo looked at them with furrowed brows.

"What the hell is wrong with you two?!" he demanded. His eyes suddenly widened as Kirishima put an arm around him.

"Come on, Bakugo, no need to deny! We all do that, you're not alone," Kirishima said, to which Denki agreed.

"Yeah, dude! I always do that to Jiro," he said with a shit-eating grin. Bakugo looked at them incredulously before shaking off Kirishima's arm around him.

"Shut up, both of you!" He was about to deny more when Sero suddenly entered.

"Yeah, if you look closely, Bakugo's a bit softer with Y/n," he casually stated as he put on his helmet. Bakugo's eyes widened once more before he let out an exasperated groan and pushed his friends out of the way.

No, can't be. I'm not softer with her. Tsk, damn Soy Sauce Face.

"Next up, Katsuki Bakugo and Y/n L/n!" you heard Aizawa announce and you stood up nervously, sparing one last glance at Mina, who nodded firmly. With a sigh, you headed to the center of the gym.

"Good luck, Bakugo," you smiled at him and he responded with a simple tsk, before getting in position. As soon as you heard the signal to start, you immediately backed away from Bakugo, activating your quirk just in time for one of his explosions. You quickly attempted to kick his leg to knock him off balance, but he easily avoided your attack and landed an explosion on your back, sending you to the ground. Wiping the dirt off of your face, you stood up and decided to lunge at him. He easily avoided your attacks, until you managed to find an opening. As you were about to punch him, he suddenly grabbed one of your hands and flung you to the ground, face first. You could feel your stomach growling from lack of food this morning, but you still willed yourself to stand up and brace for one more attack. However, just as you were to get up, you felt your knees weakening and before you knew it, you fell to the ground, stomach hurting too much for you to make a move.

Bakugo was determined to prove to his friends that he wasn't soft for anyone, especially not with you, but as soon as he saw your knees starting to buckle, his determined look suddenly softened until he saw you on the ground, seemingly crumpling in pain. He stood there at first, shocked and unable to comprehend what happened, before he walked to you and started lifting you up.

You were curled up on the ground in pain, hands clutching your growling tummy, when you suddenly felt someone starting to carry you. You were just about to open your mouth to protest when you saw the face of the one carrying you.

"B-Bakugo?!" You gasped. He simply ignored you and started walking towards the door and you started freaking out internally. Oh shit, I'm heavy, I'm heavy!!

"Bakugo, put me down! This is embarrassing!" You hissed at him but he still looked completely unmoved.

"Bakugo, put me the hell down! I'm too heavy!" You complained again as you started thinking of ways on how to free yourself from him when he suddenly glared at you.

"Shut up, damn brat. Are you underestimating me?" he asked and you shook your head. Never did it once cross your mind to underestimate him.

"Good. Then shut up and let me do this," he said and you said no more, remaining silent until you reached the infirmary.

You couldn't help but wince as Recovery Girl kissed your cheek. Bakugo brought you to the infirmary, then left as soon as the old healing lady attended to you.

"You children, obsessed with being skinny and all. Look at what you're doing to yourselves," the woman reprimanded you as you remained silent. The silence was soon broken though when your best friend Mina entered the room.

"Y/n!! I was so worried about you. What happened? Are you okay?" she asked consecutively as she ran by your side. You waved her off with a laugh.

“Yes, I’m fine, don’t worry,” she answered with a smile. Mina seemed relieved with your answer, but her frown remained.

“Now, woman, you have some explaining to do to me. Why are you starving yourself?” she asked sternly and your smile slowly dissipated.

“How’d you know?” you murmured, avoiding your friend’s eyes. You heard her audibly gasp.

“So you are starving yourself. God, why Y/n?” she asked, sounding both exasperated and concerned. You remained silent, ashamed of yourself.

“Y/n, come on, answer me!”

“Because I want to be like you guys! You all have the ideal bodies, slim and curvy, while here’s my chubby ass. So I thought, maybe I could try starving myself so I could be more like you guys,” you retorted as you tried to hold back the tears threatening to leave your eyes.

Bakugo was about to enter your room when he heard another voice from inside. Tsk, Raccoon-eyes. Still, instead of leaving, he decided to stay outside the door, eavesdropping on the conversation. Tsk, I shouldn’t be here, he thought to himself despite what he’s currently doing. What he heard next though was something he never thought you’d say.

Mina gaped at you, aghast before she suddenly hugged you.

"What are you talking about, silly? You don't have to be like us, Y/n. Yes, you may be chubby, but that’s part of your charm,” she said in an attempt to comfort her.

“No, I..of course it’s easy for you to say that. Look at you,” you pouted, motioning to her slim pink body.

“I’m pink. Yes, I’m slim, but I’m pink. Despite how my body shape looks, I’m still pink, unlike you and Uraraka and others. But you guys still befriended me, right?” she asked and you nodded.

“Of course! I mean, you may be pink but you’re fun to talk to, and you’re nice,” you added, which made her smile sheepishly.

“You really think so?” she asked teasingly before bursting into giggles. Staring at her, you couldn’t help but snicker as well.

“But kidding aside, now you get my point?” Mina asked as she stopped laughing. Wiping the corner of your eye, you nodded.

“I guess?” you answered with a slight grin. Mina looked at you with an “are you serious” look and you giggled.

“Well, I think that’s the best I can get from you for now. But once you’re out of here, I’m going to whip you into shape! And I don’t mean physically! Got it?” she asked in a bossy tone, her hands on her hips. Your slight grin turned into a full fledged smile and you nodded. Mina’s serious yet playful look softened and she hugged you once again, before finally leaving you alone in the clinic.

Mina shook her head as she closed the clinic door behind her.

“She’s always so stubborn,” she muttered to herself. When she looked up, she was surprised to see Bakugo.

“Oh, Bakugo, are you visiting Y/n?” she asked. He didn’t answer, which made her grin.

“She’s up, don’t worry. Get in there, I know she’s also looking for you,” she added and the blonde looked at her with an inquisitive brow raised as Mina held her hands up in surrender and moved out of the way. With a tsk, Bakugo was about to enter when Mina talked again.

“You should probably tell her how you feel already. It’s starting to get out of hand, you know,” she teased. She can obviously see him tense up, before letting out a low growl and opening the door, quickly closing the door behind him, making Mina chuckle.

Your eyes were closed as you pondered your best friend’s words when you heard the door open.

“Mina, I thought-” you were cut short when you saw Bakugo enter. You quickly straightened and cleared your throat.

“H-hey, Bakugo,” you said with an awkward laugh.

“Wh-what are..you doing here?” you asked, seeing as he didn’t respond to your first statement. He remained silent and you were starting to get annoyed by his behavior.

“Seriously, why are you-”

“How are you?” he cut you short and you closed your mouth before responding again.

“I-I’m good. Recovery Girl told me I can go out by today, I just need to take a small rest,” you answered and he nodded thoughtfully. You tried to look for more things to say, but couldn’t find any and so you decided to shut up.

“I..” Bakugo said before pausing quickly, as if hesitating what to say next. He cleared his throat before talking again.

“I..overheard what you and Mina were talking about earlier,” he stated and you looked at him, eyes wide before shaking yourself off.

“You did?” you asked and he simply nodded. Great, now you’re probably thinking of how pathetic I am, you couldn’t help but think.

“Why?” he asked, breaking your train of thoughts.

“Wh-what do you mean..why?”

“Why would you try to change yourself? Why would you do such a thing to the point that it almost got you in trouble?” he asked, and you were pretty sure you could hear concern in his voice. You remained quiet though, embarrassed as you looked down to your hands.

“Why?” he repeated himself, firmer this time and you looked up at him.

“So you’d take a second glance at me!” you shot back and he furrowed his brows, as if he didn’t understand what you meant.

“I did that..so you know, you would notice me,” you paused, considering your words before resuming. “I’ve liked you for some time now, Bakugo, but I thought..you wouldn’t notice me or take a second glance at me, because of how I look. Because, let’s be honest, I pale in comparison with the other girls in our class. So I tried being like them, so maybe you’d like me back,” you said, tears welling up in your eyes. He remained speechless for a long time, and you sighed. You’ve only made a fool of yourself.

“Look, I know it sounds pathetic, so could you please just leave me-”

“Idiot,” he mumbled and you looked at him, aghast.

“Excuse me?” you asked, incredulous. After that confession, he’d just call you an idiot?!

“You’re an idiot. You’re an idiot for thinking that you need to be like them in order for me to like you. You’re an idiot for thinking that I wouldn’t take a second glance at you because of how you look. You’re an idiot for even thinking that I didn’t like you in the first place,” he added and you looked at him, confused.

“Wha-? What are you talking about?” you asked him, visibly confused.

“You really are a dumbass, huh?”

“One more insult and I’ll kick you out.”

“How could you not notice? All my friends have been telling me that I’ve been so obvious, but I guess I wasn’t obvious enough,” he answered and you only gaped at him, even more lost.

“What do you mean “obvious”? What the hell are you talking about?” you asked, starting to get annoyed.

“I like you, dumbass!” he finally yelled and your eyes widened, taken aback. He saw your shocked expression and decided to continue.

“I like you because you’re cheerful, you’re smart, you’re kind, you’re helpful. I like you because you still manage to smile even after all the insults you get from others. I like you because you’re you. So when I heard that you were starving yourself because you wanted to look like the others, I knew I had to do something. You don’t need to be like them for me to notice you, because it’s you who I like. I wouldn’t like you if you were like them. And I don’t care if you think you’re too fat or too chubby or whatever because to me, you’re the most beautiful person I’ve ever seen. And you just need to see that,” he said, the words flowing out of him so effortlessly. When he looked at you, he could see tears in your eyes again.

“Tsk, making me say stuff like that,” he said and before you knew it, he pulled you in a hug.

“So don’t go trying to change yourself, okay? If you really want to, I’d respect that. But do it for yourself. Not because you want to be like someone else, but because you want to be you. Got it?” he said as he hugged you tightly and you couldn’t help but tear up more.

“Are you saying this because it’s what you really mean, or because you just pity me?” you asked with a slight laugh.

“Shut up, dumbass. You know I don’t do things half-assed, and I wouldn’t say all this stuff if it’s just out of pity, so you better appreciate it,” he mumbled and you couldn’t help but smile.

“I do appreciate it,” you answered and you swear you could feel him smile.

“Good. Now shut up..and let me hug you,” he said, holding you tighter and at that moment, you knew you couldn’t be any happier.

[the-sappho-of-lesbos]

I’ve dropped out of every course I started since finishing high school. One of which was a diploma in library sciences. I think I only got like 2 subjects completed before dropping out. My mental health was just not making things easy and I knew the field was super competitive which made me feel even more helpless with it.

Not that it really matters now anyway since I’m in the DSP. Something which I’m still coming to terms with I think. While I’m infinitely grateful for it I still feel so guilty for being on it. Like it’s a reflection of my worth. Plus it’s just isolating because it removes me from a fundamental part adulthood that so many bond over. I get worried that I’m just mooching and I don’t really need it etc.

It also just makes it so much easier to stay in my room and not leave.

I’m stuck between trying to be proud of accomplishing what I have and it also just not feeling enough. Ever since I was about 13 I wanted to be a published teen author. And I managed to do that at 19 with a short story. But since then I have hardly written anything. I have one recovery piece that’s supposed to be coming out in my state hospitals (honestly I’m not going to believe that one until it’s my hands because it’s taking forever lol) but it’s not where I want to be, so it doesn’t feel good enough. Or since I’m still just in my rooms and not working I feel like I should be doing more. I have way more time then most people and I know logically I’m not doing it because I’m mentally ill. But it still feels like a failing on my part that I haven’t gotten like a novel or something written. I have ones I want to write. I just don’t. And it frustrates me. Heck, I haven’t even finished the one shot arcane fanfic that I started at the start of the year.

I think it’s easy for me to fall into these pits of self hatred and detachment and frustration. I just feel like I’m here you know.

But I’ve been putting the most energy I’ve ever put into anything since high school on getting these books to share with you all. I know it’s not a job and it’s just a silly little tumblr account. But I feel like I’m actually trying with something for the first time in so long. I’m researching stuff on my phone. Make finical lists to save for them. Making a priory list. It’s still so small and I know so many other people are working so much harder then I am. And I know I’m only able to do this because I’m lucky enough to live at home still and get my DSP. So it’s not like I’m working hard for the money I use on this stuff.

But I don’t know I wouldn’t say I necessarily feel positive and happy about it all. I just don’t feel upset. Like I don’t have a strong heavy emotion about it and that’s the best thing that’s happened in a while. It’s so small and probably doesn’t mean a lot , but I finally feel like I’m doing something that isn’t just being in my room or going to appointments. I know it’s not a job, but it feels like the closet thing to a job ive had since my one in high school. It makes me feel a little bit more like an adult. Like I can trick myself into thinking I have a small part time job. And it’s nice. I know I don’t. And I’m still lonely and isolated and a dole bludger. But it feels like I’ve taken one small step forward towards adulthood. It’s pretty late since I’m already 23, but I guess it’s something. Which is good

[blu-joons]

Taking Care Of You After Surgery ~ Lim Sejun

The door barely had time to slam shut before Sejun called out your name, walking through the house to find you still sat on the sofa. His smile was soft as he met your eyes, noticing the empty wrappers around the sofa from the food that he had left you before he went to work that morning.

“How are you doing?” He smiled, perching on the end of the sofa to give you as much space as possible to stretch your plastered leg out. “No wild parties whilst I’ve been at work or anything?”

With a soft giggle, your head shook, glancing around the house. You hadn’t been able to move from your spot on the sofa, only leaning down from time to time when you wanted to pick up one of the things that Sejun had left you on the floor.

“I tell you what, the first thing I’ll do when I can stand on two feet again is throw a party,” you exclaimed, “I’m fed up with just doing nothing and sitting around all day.”

“Doctor’s orders, we’ve got to get you on the road to recovery as quickly as possible.”

Although you knew it was for the best for you to stay as still as possible whilst you recovered from surgery, it didn’t make things any easier. Watching Sejun go to work every day, running and dancing around with no pain at all was a bitter pill for you to swallow, stranded on the sofa.

“I was thinking of ordering takeout tonight seeing as the kitchen is still off limits for you,” Sejun suggested, relaxing his hand over your pain free foot, “and my cooking didn’t exactly go to plan last night.”

A shiver ran down your spine just at the thought of last night’s carnage. “With your help I’m sure I’d be able to put something together in the kitchen, maybe if I stayed sitting down or something?”

“Do I have to remind you of what the doctor said once again?” Sejun challenged, tapping against your foot, “for the first couple of weeks you’re supposed to do absolutely nothing, and no matter how dodgy my cooking is, that doesn’t give you an excuse to do anything.”

Sejun could see that you were struggling, whilst you smiled around others who came to visit you and offer support, he could see past that. He knew you hated watching your independence slip away and carrying the burden of having to rely on others.

Whilst you knew that surgery wouldn’t give you a quick fix, it sucked for you to know that you’d have to wait so long to recover too. Knowing that Sejun was beside you brought you at least some comfort, he stuck by your side and always made sure to take care of you.

“Have you had any pain or discomfort today whilst I’ve been at work?” Sejun then asked, studying you closely as you shuffled along the sofa to try and find a comfortable position again.

“Not too bad, I remembered to take my painkillers, so you don’t have to ask me about that,” you forewarned him, knowing just how in touch Sejun was in making sure that you took all of your tablets exactly when you needed too.

Even though you tried to be a little more flexible, Sejun was militant towards following the advice that the doctors had passed onto you. He was determined to do everything possible to help you recover as quickly as possible.

Your smile widened as Sejun continued to look over you. “You don’t have to worry about me so much, I can hardly do much damage to myself just sitting on the sofa all day.”

“Who knows what you get up to when I’m at work.”

Although Sejun always trusted that you followed advice, a small part of him did worry whenever he had to go to work. If you could, you’d probably end up pushing him out of the front door to get him to work and stop him fretting about leaving you all by yourself.

“I sleep, watch television and scroll through Instagram until it lets me know I’ve seen every post,” you laughed, watching as Sejun’s smile widened as well.

“Do you know how many people would be jealous of what you get to do?”

“Most people wouldn’t have to do it with a broken leg though,” you mumbled, snuggling further into the sofa, “I even miss fresh air Sejun, I can’t even get up and open a window.”

The pain in your voice was clear, as the time passed you by, your frustrations with being so limited only continued to grow, especially as you watched those around you.

“I’m pretty sure at work there’s a wheelchair lying around or something, maybe I could bring it home and take you out on it for a while,” Sejun suggested.

“Would you be able to do that? Would the company allow it?”

His shoulders shrugged, drawn to the smile on your face. “I’m sure I could pull a few strings, and they always ask how you are, so it’s obvious that they care about you a lot.”

“Sejun, you have no idea how desperate I am to just go outside again,” you grumbled, leaning against the back of the sofa, “the view out of the window is terrible anyway.”

“It might not be the best view, but at least it’s better than that stupid hospital suite.”

“Don’t get me started about that hospital.”

You were terrified about surgery before you showed up at the hospital but walking into the suite your heart stopped at how generic the room was, everything you dreaded.

From that moment Sejun knew you needed him, not just before surgery, but after it too. Whenever he could, he was by your side, doing whatever you needed him too. And so, if fresh air was what you needed, then fresh air was what he’d provide.

“Imagine giving someone who’s nervous a hospital room that overlooks a tree,” you continued to vent, breaking Sejun from his thoughts. “It was a living nightmare, honestly.”

“You’re out,” he reminded you, leaning forwards to press a kiss against your cheek, “just hold out for tonight, and tomorrow I will make sure that a wheelchair comes home with me too.”

You smiled appreciatively back to Sejun, failing to find the words to express just how much his gesture meant to you. You couldn’t wait for the day when you could walk outside again, but for now, anything would help.

“Sometimes I wonder whether this leg will heal well,” you whispered as the room began to fall silent, “do you think I’ll go back to being like I used to be.”

“If anything, you’ll be better,” Sejun assured you, taking a hold of your hand, “you’ll be able to do things without pain, as long as you recover properly.”

“I know, you remind me every day how important recovery is,” you reminded him.

“That’s because I’ve seen plenty of people walk in your shoes, just give it time, and let people like me help you. You’ll be back on your feet in no time.”

“You shouldn’t have to look after me.”

“You’re right, I shouldn’t,” he laughed, “but I do it because I care, and because more than anyone else, I want to have you fixed back up again.”

“I’m sure with your help, I’ll be there in no time.”

---

Masterlist

[cryonme]

ɪɴ ʜɪꜱ ᴀʀᴍꜱ

PART ONE. aaron hotchner x reader

｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆

There’s a serial killer going after women that look just like you, and when you find yourself at the Unsub’s address long before the rest of the team, you go in alone. Despite Hotch’s orders.

word count- 1.9k

tw- implied sexual assault, violent themes, guns, blood, LOTS of tears

a/n- hi babies! this is my first criminal minds imagine ahh. I've been watching the show ever since I was like 14, but I’ve been really binging it lately and I got the push to write for it! I’m really excited about this and I hope you all love it! There is going to be a part two, which is gonna focus on (Y/N)’s recovery and her getting back into the field! I always appreciate reblogs and feedback xx

｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆

“(Y/L/N), the Unsub is going after women that look just like you, you are not to go in there alone, do I make myself clear?”

“Hotch-”

“DO I MAKE MYSELF CLEAR?”

You flinched and pulled your phone away from your ear, pursing your lips in annoyance.

“Crystal.” You hung up the phone and threw into the passenger seat, your body raging with annoyance for your boss. Him and the team wouldn’t be there for another 20 minutes and you were running out of time. The latest victim went missing yesterday, and according to the pattern, her body would be found in just a couple of hours, at the crack of dawn.

You cracked your fingers and your neck, growing impatient. You knew Hotch trusted you, that wasn’t the problem. The problem was the two of you had gotten involved and now he’s holding you back. You tried to tell yourself he only cared, that he was only concerned, that he loved you, and on one hand, he did have a point. This man was going after women who have the exact same build and features as you, but you had a job to do. Both of you agreed to not let your feelings get in the way, and here he was, holding you back, and potentially putting an innocent woman in danger.

You sighed and rested your head on the steering wheel, when you heard a blood curdling scream. Your head shot up and you immediately adjusted your vest and pulled out your gun and flashlight, wasting no time storming into the house.

+

“We’re down the street, are you ready?” Hotch asked, not turning his head toward Emily in the passenger seat next to him. He was rushing, he told you not to go into the house but something in his gut is telling him that you did anyway. You had separated from Derek when there were two possible leads presented at the same time, both of you agreeing it would be faster to split up. You were alone when Garcia called with an address, and a lot closer than everyone else.

“Ready.”

The team pulled up to the house and Hotch felt every muscle in his body tense when he saw your car door open. You had gone into the house.

He wasted no time, not even bothering to turn off the car or close the door.

“(Y/N)’s in there with no back up.” He said frantically.

No one said a word, just all shared worried glances and immediately made their way to the front door, Hotch taking the lead and kicking the door down.

“FBI!” He yelled out, pointing his gun and flashlight in all directions.

“Morgan, Prentiss, take the upstairs. Reid, Rossi, and I will cover downstairs.

Everyone nodded before dispersing to their assigned areas of the house.

Hotch’s mind was wandering to places it shouldn’t be. What if you were dead? He couldn’t see it. He wasn’t ready-

“FBI, put the gun down!”

Morgan.

They were upstairs.

The three men downstairs rushed to the stairs, running up with guns drawn, coming up behind their teammates. The Unsub had his gun pointed to the head of a woman who looked just like you, but you weren’t in sight. Hotch let his eyes wander around the poorly lit, dirty room, until they stopped on you, and he had to hold back a sob.

He wasn’t listening as Reid talked down the Unsub, he wasn’t listening when Emily fired off a gunshot to his shoulder, letting the woman go. He wasn’t listening when Derek yanked him off the floor in handcuffs, handing him over to Rossi so he could escort him to the police. He wasn't listening when Reid and Emily ran toward the girl checking her over for injuries and handing her into the care of the paramedics. All he could hear was the ringing in his ears, and all he could see was you.

Once the Unsub waa gone, he fell to his knees in front of you.

You were tied to a pole, duct tape over your mouth and your hands and feet restrained, there was blood trickling down your face and you were beaten badly. The Unsub must have focused all of his attention on you when you entered the house.

His hands fumbled to untie your restraints, but he was shaking too much and couldn’t do it. Spencer kneeled down next to him and got to work on your restraints, letting his hands rest on your face. His eyes raked over your body, checking for any other serious injuries, when they froze on your torso, soaked in blood.

“Wake up, baby. Please. God, please wake up!”

As soon as you were untied your limp body slumped against him and he laid you down, your head resting on his lap, his shaking hands reaching for your neck, checking for a pulse.

“She- she’s alive!” He yelled, throwing off his jacket to press against your torso, not bothering to thank Emily when she rushed over to hold it for him. He stroked your hair and your face gently, trying his best to wake you up but not startle you.

Your eyes fluttered and you groaned, turning your head to the side, closer to him.

“Hey, baby. I need you to keep your eyes open for me, okay?”

Your eyes were still fluttering, and you tried your best to keep them open for more than a second.

“M’so tired.”

“I know, sweetheart. I know but you have to stay awake just a little bit longer for me, yeah? I can’t lose you, please.”

The team watched helplessly, Emily decided you needed more encouragement, and spoke up from her position next to you, still applying pressure to your abdomen, her tears falling freely from her eyes.

“Hey, girl. You gotta hold on for us, alright? We need you.”

Reid felt a tear fall down his cheek, and he turned his face to watch the window for the ambulance, not being able to watch any longer.

Derek couldn’t contain his anger with himself, he had let you go alone. Knowing that sick bastard was going after women just like you, and he let you go alone. He turned and slammed his fists into the wall, letting out a cry. You had to be okay.

Rossi was downstairs with the police, he had helped the first girl in the ambulance, but they had only been prepared for one person. His heart was aching as he could hear the cries of his team upstairs.

“(Y/N), can I carry you downstairs to get to the ambulance faster?” Derek asked as he calmed himself down, he didn’t think Hotch’s body would make it far without collapsing in worry and sadness.

Your eyes were wide and you grabbed Hotch’s arm, “Don’t” You sucked in a breath, “Don’t leave-”

“It’s okay, I’m not leaving you, okay? Morgan’s gonna take you downstairs, I’ll be right behind you.” He leaned down and pressed a kiss to your head.

“I love- I love you.”

Hotch continued to sob, “I love you, but you’re gonna be okay.”

Derek gently took you from his arms, hoisting you up and hurrying you down the stairs as he could begin to hear the distant sirens. “I’m so sorry, babygirl. I’m so sorry.”

+

If you’ve ever wondered how much a psychopathic killer can do to you in 20!minutes, the answer is a lot.

It’s been one week since you went into the house alone, and you were cleared to go home today. The team came to see you every day, and Hotch never left your side. He cried when you woke up, burying his face into your neck and leaving soft kisses. You didn’t want him to stop touching you, but you felt empty, you couldn’t reciprocate, you couldn’t speak, you just laid there as the love of your life cried tears of relief over you, holding you close to him.

You didn’t speak when Derek cried and apologized for leaving you alone, you couldn’t tell him it wasn’t his fault.

You didn’t speak when Dave kissed your head and told you he was happy you were still with them.

You didn’t speak when Reid smiled and grabbed your hand, stray tears falling down his face.

You didn’t speak when Garcia rushed into the room and held your face.

You didn’t speak when JJ threw her arms around you.

You didn’t speak when Emily held you, telling you she didn’t know what she’d do if you didn’t make it.

You didn’t speak on the ride home with Hotch, despite him telling you Jack couldn’t wait to see you.

When Aaron caught on that you weren’t going to show emotion for a long time, he called Jessica to tell her it was best that Jack stayed with her for a while, he didn’t want him seeing you that way.

Once you arrived home, you let him help you out of the car and inside. He led you up the stairs into your bedroom. He decided it was best for him to stay with you at your place, not wanting you to be alone, but also wanting you to be in your own home. Once you were showered and in a clean pair of pajamas, tucked away in bed, your cat jumped up on the bed rubbing her face against yours and purring, before flopping down and falling asleep at your side.

Hotch watched as you just laid there, propped up against your pillows, staring at the wall.

“(Y/N).”

“I can still feel his hands.” You whimpered and his heart squeezed in his chest.

“Everywhere.” You finally let out the sob you had been holding in since you first woke up and saw Hotch fast asleep in the uncomfortable hospital chair next to you.

He was by your side immediately, pulling you close to him, and you wrapped your arms around him, finally receiving the comfort you’ve been desperately craving.

“I’m sorry.” You cried, choking on your own breath and sobs. “I’m so sorry. It’s n-not Derek’s fault, it’s mine. It’s my fault.”

Hotch shut his eyes in pain, this was no one’s fault but the sick man who did this to you.

“It’s not your fault either, (Y/N).”

“I didn’t listen, I should’ve listened to you.” Your muffled voice cried against his chest.

“You did what any of us would’ve done. Yes, it ended badly, and I will tell you to never do that again, but we’re here now. Don’t dwell on it, sweetheart.”

You just continued to cry and inch impossibly closer to him.

“I’m not going to lie to you and say that you’re okay. You’re not, and you probably won’t be for a long time. But you’re safe, and I am here for you every step of the way. There won’t be one second that you’re alone. You’re gonna get through this baby, I promise.”

You continued to cry and hold onto him as you fell asleep, your breaths starting to even out until your body relaxed against his. He situated the both of you so you both were more comfortable, but still in each other’s embrace. Your cat purred and resituated herself in between your legs. The road to recovery was going to be long, but all he could think about right now was how relieved he was to have you home, in his arms.

[yuzukult]

i’m bad too 16 || kdy & reader

title: i’m bad too - drabble series pairing: kim doyoung x reader genre: angst, fluff, smut, goodboy!doyoung, nerdy!dy (basically he’s a dork) & badgirl!reader, hitman!au, oc-isn’t-a-hitman-but-she-could-be!au, word count: 1.8k warnings: none a/n: :D hope you guys enjoy!! taglist: @wownajaemin​​​ @crescent-iak​​​ @ncttboo​​​ @byunbaekby​​​​ @jinfizz​ @doyoungyoung​ @ahgayeah0305​ @doyobun​ @sexualitaeyong @mrkleelvr​ @m1ss-foodi3​ @hcwurld​

← previous chapter || next chapter →​​​

Doyoung looks so pretty like this.

The space between his brows are crinkled in vexation, hair unstyled and brushing against his forehead with his lips pursed while focusing on the task at hand. He’s taken the day off of his internship for this, with approval from your brother, and plus, the way his eyes are sunken and the breakouts on his skin are appearing, it seems like he deserves to chill out for a bit.

But, he seems to refuse to do that, opting that his priority is to take care of you.

Doyoung hasn’t been back to his apartment other than just to grab the necessities—his business casual attire for work, underwear, some lounge clothes, and just things here and there that might be useful. But he hasn’t slept in the comforts of his own bedroom, no, instead he’s been sleeping at your side in your room.

“Would you stop squirming?”

“Well, you could say it’s a bit weird when someone else does it for you.”

Doyoung rolls his eyes. “Be cooperative. I’m trying to make it better.”

You puff your cheeks in agitation, stubborn because you’re not used to this much physical touch, despite the amount of times you’ve slept with Doyoung. There’s something about this that feels more intimate, not like a quick bang for pleasure, but rather he’s doing this because he cares about you.

“Steady. Just a little longer and we’ll be good.”

“You said that twenty minutes ago.”

“It has not been twenty minutes.” Doyoung isn’t that same soft boy you met months ago. He’s gotten intrepid, unabashed by any smart or sharp remarks that you throw his way, in fact, he dodges them or bites the bullet before resuming back to having you in his arms. “You think it’s been twenty minutes because you’re preoccupied with nagging about how you don’t like this happening.”

“It’s weird,” you state, tapping your fingers against the wooden frame of your bed as a distraction. You could use a cigarette, but somehow you managed to let a pretty boy like Doyoung convince you to stop. “I don’t like having people this close.”

“I’m literally just replacing your gauze.”

You frown. “It’s… intimate.” Doyoung can’t help but laugh, shaking his head at your response as he reaches for a fresh new gauze. “I thought you liked me.”

“I do, I just—”

“You won’t let your own boyfriend touch you like this?” He queries, and you’re starting to find yourself in this position often. He’d say something bold, something that he normally doesn’t do, and it leaves you feeling small like you used to do to him. Oh, how the tables have turned. He calls himself your boyfriend recently, despite not officially making it a label, but you like it. It feels… right, for once, like this is how it’s supposed to be.

“It’s not that,”

“Then you should just let me do this, yeah?” He tosses the old bandage into the trash. “Plus, we’re almost done anyways. Would you like to go on a walk after this? I kind of wanted to talk about something.”

Staying put, you inhale in a deep breath in surrender because you’re curious about what he wants to discuss. He remains focused, wrapping you once again, despite the fact that the staff at your house offers to do it since it’s their job, but Doyoung insists it’s his job as much as theirs.

After pulling your shirt down, he offers a hand, helping you transition over to your wheelchair, one you’ve grown to hate because it makes you feel helpless, and Doyoung takes you down the hall.

“There’s an elevator down the hall.”

“A what?”

“An elevator,” you reiterate, and Doyoung doesn’t move, feet rooted into the ground. “We don’t have many floors because we do have an elevator. Goes here, the lobby, basement, then the wine cellar.”

“There’s a wine cellar under your basement?”

“You don’t have one?” He knows it’s a joke, so he just shakes it off and heads over to the large metal doors. Your personality never showcases your wealth, and although he’s in your beautiful home with staff that fills up the majority of it, he still forgets the money you come from.

Naeun is still gorgeous, despite the bruises on her cheeks and the cuts that are scattered across her face.

She’s wiping her hands, after running them under the water in the sink, soaping up her previously flawless porcelain skin that’s now marked with the aftermath of another fight. “How are you feeling?”

“Could be better,” you admit, rolling around the kitchen in your wheelchair. “How are you feeling?”

“Bitchin’,” she states calmly, giving a thankful gaze in Doyoung’s direction when he slides over the first aid kit toward her. “Lover boy been takin’ care of ‘ya?”

“Wish he’d go home and take a break for once, but yeah. Good boy decided he wants to play nurse.”

“Why do you guys talk like I’m not here?”

The two of you shrug, waving him off as Naeun hops onto the granite countertop and begins tending to her own wound. “There’s been another attack,” you glare at her and Naeun only rolls her eyes. “He already knows, don’t act like he’s all innocent to this.” She dabs the remnants of blood on her lip before grabbing the disinfectant wipe. “Johnny’s dead, just so you know.”

“What? Johnny’s dead?”

“Nah, he’s undercover,” she winces at the impact of the alcohol against her open cut. “Fuck.”

You furrow your brows. “Why would you tell me that?”

“Just kidding, he’s dead.”

“Naeun,” you say sternly. She’s playing another game.

“Just kidding. I’m just testing your cognitive skills.” Searching for the neosporin, she gives a quick scoop of the ointment and applies it on. “Seeing if you can still think the same. I have a really bad itch that they’re gonna ask you to come back, love.”

“That doesn’t sound like something I’m interested in,” you’re pointing to all of your gunshot wounds. “Got a couple holes in my body that are still whistling when the wind blows.” Tilting your head, you’re trying to make out the expression on her face from underneath all that hair. “What’s with that look?”

She jolts her head at you. “What look?”

“You know something.”

“Other than Johnny’s death?”

“Naeun.”

“Alright,” she sighs, leaning back against her arms. You can’t help but notice the twitch in her lip, and it’s not from her cut. “Rumor has it, they’re going to try to initiate you again. This time, maybe not so nicely.”

“Even after I went through all that trouble? In case they’ve forgotten but I literally have holes in my body. I risked my life for the guy and here I am, sitting in a wheelchair, unable to fucking take a piss by myself, and he wants me to hop back on the field again?”

“You know how he is,” Naeun says apologetically, although none of this is her fault. She’s just the middle man, the bearer of bad news, and she’s only doing her job by protecting the Boss but you’re not even directly tied to the group, just simply a contractor. “He sees your capabilities, thinks you’re more than worthy, he wants to keep you. Seeing that you’re standing in front of the bullets, taking one for the team and protecting those who are part of us… it only makes him want you more.”

“But he can’t even wait?” You exasperate, baffled by his abruptness despite the fact you were still going through a recovery period. “I’m not even ready yet.”

“Well, he’ll give you some time—”

“You’re making it sound like it’s soon.”

She looks pained. “It… It is soon. He thinks the sooner you begin training, the better. You’ll be better equipped and—”

“I thought this was supposed to be temporary,” you state, voice firm. “I mentioned prior that this was simply a gig I needed to get by.”

“This was before you caught the mole. Before you put yourself in danger, protecting the members of the organization. You proved yourself more than capable, and he wants that. He wants you. You get the job done. Why do you think we keep coming back and hiring you? Because sometimes, you don’t even need a gun. You have your fucking head and that’s the weapon.”

“Well, I need a break.”

“There is no break.”

“Naeun, I almost died. To be quite frank, I don’t give a fuck what Taeyong says. I’m taking a break.”

The sunset is breathtaking; warm hues over the horizon, shining on the Good Boy’s face and only adding on to the fact that he’s also the golden boy. Seated on the picnic blanket beside you, he’s resting his weight back on his arms, eyes closed, soaking in the sun with a soft smile upon his face, inhaling in deep breaths to soothe his nerves. “This is nice. I’m glad you suggested it.”

You hate that you have to lean against this make-shift seat, back pressed on the trunk of the tree. But it hurts so bad to sit on your own; parts of your torso require you to straighten yourself because any slight bend stings. You desperately miss being able to function on your own—it’s so embarrassing asking your boyfriend to do things for you.

“You good?” He asks, turning over his shoulder to glance at you. “I hear you wincing.”

“I’m fine,” you mutter, adjusting yourself once more. “I’m just… getting comfortable.”

Doyoung sighs, finally picking up on your personality and habits by now, so he slides himself back just a bit and extends his legs. “Come here.”

You quirk a brow. “What?”

He pats his lap. “Come here. Lay your head on my lap, and enjoy the sun with me. We can soak in the warmth, and talk about what’s on your mind. Feels like you’ve been doing a lot of thinking lately and not a whole lot of talking.”

Conceding, it takes you a while but with Doyoung’s help, you’re finally laying—there’s less pain in this position, and you’re grateful he suggests it. He brushes your hair out of your face, a soft smile looking down at you that tugs on your heartstrings. “You’re probably thinking a lot.”

“I am,” he admits, pursing his lips. “Have been for a while.”

“Well… will you tell me?” You’d be lying if you said that Doyoung confessing he’s been pondering frequently doesn’t make you nervous. There’s always that possibility of him deciding that maybe this wasn’t for him—that taking care of you, learning you’re a sort of a hitman and part of some shady organization, or that your family owned the company that he worked at wasn’t… what he signed up for.

But that stupid grin doesn’t ever wipe off of his face. “What is it?”

And with a gentle voice, he says with a press of a kiss on the crown of your head, he says these words that have you levitating. “I love you.”

[werenotadulting]

Routine Procedure pt. 2 & 3

(Hello friends. Before we continue, a disclaimer. This story is intended for mature, 18+, kink-friendly audiences. This post contains sexual content.

This story may seem, uh, pretty fucked up. The product that caused Mike's incontinence is purely fictional, but the story can still seem plausible within the realm of reality. Which makes the actions of the characters....well, pretty fucked up. I don't want to spoil the story, but I will leave with this.

Aren't we all, in our own way, a little fucked up?

I'd woken up as we turned onto our street.

"Hey sweetie. We're almost home."

"Huh, wh-...where are we?" I blinked a couple times, my eyes adjusting to the light.

She took my hand in hers. "You're in the car, on the way home from the hospital. There's something I need to-"

Suddenly I was wide awake.

"Oh man, I had the weirdest dream. I was in recovery and all the sudden the doctor is going on about how something went wrong, which is crazy, right? Like it was the easiest of surgeries, so it's not like something could ever go wrong."

Kate just stared straight ahead as she pulled into our driveway.

"Let's talk inside."

────────

"You have to remember to check it every couple of hours, Mike. I can do it for you if want me to."

I glared at her.

"Jesus Kate, don't you think I know that? It's bad enough I have to wear this stupid thing, but you don't have to keep reminding me like I'm some kind of child!"

Was I overreacting? Maybe. Did I have every right to be upset about what I'd woken up to in the hospital? Absolutely. Did Kate deserve me taking my anger out on her?

No. She didn't.

I took a deep breath, counting to ten in my head.

"Okay, listen. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to snap at you, I just...I feel like my life just got turned upside down. You're only trying to help and....I'm sorry," I finished lamely.

Kate, noticing my shirt had become tucked into the back of my pull-up, pulled it out.

"I understand, Mike," Kate said, looking at me with sympathy. "You didn't ask for this, plus that whole thing with the clause in the paperwork. There's not much we can do but move on and learn to cope." She stood up, smiling at me. "But on the brightside, no medical bills, plus they're offering to cover the cost of whatever supplies you need. I'm going to be here every step of the way, helping you out however you need it."

Despite her positive outlook, I wasn't swayed. "Oh, sure, great." I laid the sarcasm on thick. "I get to spend the rest of my life peeing myself. The brightside is oh so blinding."

"It was a really long day, babe," Kate said, hushing my attitude and moving behind me as she started to rub my shoulders. "What do you say you take a couple of those sleeping pills, zonk out for the night, and see what kind of fresh perspective tomorrow brings, huh?"

Sleep did sound like the only brief respite I was going to get from this hell.

"If you'd like, I can check you during the night to see if it need changed. That way you can just sleep and not have to worry."

"Umm no, it's fine. I just put it on, so it should last me overnight. You'd probably only wake me up anyway. Thank you though," I said, giving her a small smile. "I'm glad at least one of us is handling this well."

────────

It wasn't until around midnight that Mike finally got comfortable enough to sleep. As Kate looked in on him, she could see that he was still a little restless, tossing and turning as if having a bad dream.

For a brief second she had second thoughts, but quickly shoved them aside. No, she wanted this. Mike needed this. She had waited so long. It was for the best. She looked down on him lovingly.

"Sleep well, my sweet boy. I have a feeling tomorrow is going to be just as interesting as today was."

Even when he took sleeping pills, Mike was notoriously a restless sleeper. And she may or may not have poked a couple holes in the pull-up. Mike didn't bother to check, and why should he?

After all, accidents happen.

----------------------

Part 3

Cold.

The first thing that hit me was how cold I was.

That didn't make any sense. I'm in bed, I shouldn't be cold. I grabbed the covers to push them back and immediately realized why I was cold.

The bed, the sheets, the comforter, all of them, were wet.

"Shit."

I saw then why the bed had gotten wet. No. Soaked.

Tossing and turning in my sleep, the pull-up, I presume, had not stayed in place. Meaning the bed had gotten soaked. Meaning I had gotten soaked. Hence...

"Shit."

Kate walked out of the bathroom, her hair wrapped in a towel with a second around her body.

"Hey babe. I had to get up to get cleaned off, because I was covered in...well, yeah. Are you okay?"

I got up and began balling up the sheets and bedspread. "Oh I'm just peachy. I pissed all over myself like a baby last night, so that was fun. I also will continue to piss all over myself no matter what I do, and I'll be stuck doing laundry every day for the rest of my life!"

I threw the bedding on the floor in disgust. Kate took my arm, tenderly, and stopped my tantrum.

"Hey, listen. Strip down, and go take a shower. Take that stupid thing off, get out the loofah, and scrub. I don't want you coming out until you're good and relaxed, you hear me? I'll wash the sheets." As she was saying this, Kate was already moving to take the mattress protector off of the bed.

"No, Kate, stop. You don't have to-"

"Get. In. The. Shower."

"But..."

"NOW!" I can only describe the look she was giving me as domineering. I'd never seen her like this. "Don't make me ask again."

Sheepishly, I began to disrobe.

Kate's voice returned to its normal, caring tone. "Once you're all washed up, meet me in the living room, please. I want to talk to you about something."

────────

Kate was sitting on the couch when I walked out. She pat the cushion next to her, indicating she wanted me to sit down.

"Mike, sweetie. I want you to listen to me without interrupting, okay? And please remember that all I'm saying comes from a place of love and wanting you to be happy," Kate said, her big hazel eyes looking at me imploringly.

"Umm...okay, sure yeah. What's up?" I sat down next to her.

"First, I wanted to reiterate that I understand how frustrated you must be right now. But I don't want to be the target of your outbursts. It's not fair." She paused, looking at me, and I just nodded that I understood.

"Second, I think we both can see that the whole pull-up thing isn't working. I don't want another surprise like last night." Here she stopped again, turning to grab something from behind the couch. She pulled a plastic package out and set it on her lap.

"The hospital gave us these to try if the... if we wanted to try something different," she said, pulling a white rectangle out of the package. It made a rustling sound as she grabbed it.

"Is that a....I am not wearing a diaper!"

"Mike, please, stop. Just listen. You said you wouldn't interrupt." She moved the package back to the floor, keeping the diaper on her lap.

"I'm just asking you to try, for both my sake and yours. Please?"

She didn't continue, so I took that as my cue that I could speak, but I didn't know what to say. I sat in silence, thinking, for what felt like hours.

She had a point. I had slept terribly, which was likely to make me even more irritable. But on the other hand, could I really stand to go through the embarrassment of wearing a diaper? Although I suppose it is preferable to having wet pants. I couldn't imagine the humiliation I would feel if I were to leak all over myself in public.

Finally, I broke the silence.

"I've....I've never had to put on or change a diaper before..." I said finally, hanging my head.

Kate perked up, that smile I loved hinting on her lips.

"I can help with that, babe. Just at first, until you get the hang of it. And if they don't work, we will move on to the next thing, okay?"

"Are you sure d-diapers are the best option?" I had to struggle to get the word out. "How do you know they will help?" I said, unable to take my eyes off of the plastic object on her lap.

"For one, pull-ups are pretty much already diapers. We'd just be changing them even more often."

She picked up the diaper and stood up, pulling me by the hand.

"Second, judging by the fact that I'm going to have to clean that couch cushion, I'd say we need to at least try something."

────────

"Lift up so I can slide this under you."

I obliged, holding my butt up in the air as I lay on the freshly cleaned sheets. I tried to look anywhere but at Kate.

Kate unfolded the diaper, fluffing it slightly. She positioned the diaper under me and I lowered down onto it.

"You know, this doesn't have to be all bad," she said, as she picked up a bottle of baby powder. Why did we even have baby powder? Where did that come from?

"Oh, really? Explain to me what about having my girlfriend change me into a diaper isn't all bad." I continued to stare pointedly at the ceiling.

"For starters," she said, dusting powder on my groin, "there's this." Suddenly, she reached down and began slowly stroking my cock.

"Whuuuuu-oah boy. Um just w-what do you think you're doing?"

"I'm rubbing in the powder, clearly," she said, and I finally looked to see that devilish grin back on her face. "You don't seem to be protesting that...hard," she giggled. "I figured since I'm down here, I might as well make myself useful." Without further preamble, she lowered her mouth and took me inside of it.

"That's..uhhh....o-okay...." I trailed off, lost in a mix of confusion and pleasure. It wasn't long before I was finished, and Kate was sitting back up. She wiped the back of her hand across her mouth and swallowed.

"Wow, you must have enjoyed that, I don't think you've ever cum so quicky."

I was too stunned to speak. My gaze had returned to the ceiling, but I wasn't focused on anything.

Kate started to move again, and I heard that crinkling sound. She pulled the diaper up and taped it snugly in place, securing me into the first of what would soon become my all-too-familiar thick and crinkly underwear.

"So tell me, Mike," she said, patting the front of the diaper as she looked over her handiwork, "was that all bad?"

[drabbles-mc]

House Call

Neron “Creeper” Vargas x Reader

Request by my #1 @est1887: Ok here goes for creeper can you make it fluffy lol I love a good love story clearly lol: “Anything, just call me okay” “Call me now it urgent” “Actually I just miss you”

Warnings: language, mentions of blood/injuries, hospitals

Word Count: 4.9k

A/N: Soo this is my first time writing for Creeper and I’m pretty happy with how it turned out! I may have gotten a little carried away...hence the 4.9k but this was a really fun one to write haha. Hope you guys enjoy! xo

Taglist: @mayans-sauce @thesandbeneathmytoes @paintballkid711 @tomhardydallasstarsgirl @queenbeered @sillygoose6969 @sesamepancakes @yourwonkywriter @chibsytelford @gemini0410 @multiyfandomgirl40 @behindmyeyes-insidemyhead @plentyoffandoms @georgiaaintnopeach @twistnet @garbinge @amandinesblogofstuff @bucky-iss-bae @encounterthepast @everyhowlmarksthedead @rosieposie0624 @mylittlelonelyappreciationtoo 

He winced, letting out an exaggerated groan as you stitched up the cut. You knew it probably hurt, but you also knew him well enough to know that he had been through much worse and wasn’t so dramatic about it. You smiled as you continued his stitches, “Pretending it hurts more than it actually does isn’t going to make me give you stronger painkillers, you know.”

He instantly dropped the act as a smile crossed his face, still looking up at the ceiling for a moment before looking at you, “What if I’m really convincing?”

Your eyes met his for a moment as you arched on eyebrow, “You’re not that good of an actor, Neron.”

He chuckled, and a genuine pang of pain shot through him as he did so he tried to still himself again. You hated how often he seemed to get banged up, but he was at least a good patient. You weren’t positive that he always took the full amount of recovery time, but all of his injuries seemed to heal with minimal issues so you couldn’t complain. His stitches always stayed clean, and he swore that he always did the full run of whatever types of meds you had him on when necessary. For someone who seemed so accident-prone, he took good care of himself.

There was a comfortable familiarity between the two of you. Friends may have been too strong of a word, but whenever he had to come and see you, or the rare occasions that you had to stop by the clubhouse to patch someone up, you always enjoyed talking to him. Even if it was while you were swabbing out and stitching up stab wounds or bullet holes.

You were putting a light bandage over the stitching so it wouldn’t get dirty. The slice went down the inside of his bicep and it wasn’t exactly the shallowest cut. It would take a bit of time to heal but you had no doubts that he would be back to normal sooner rather than later.

“I think,” you lightly traced your finger along his arm, inspecting your work, “you’re good to go.”

“Sending me away already, Doc?”

You smiled, “You’ll have to come back soon anyway so I can keep an eye on your stitches. You’ll be seeing me again in no time.”

“You always take such good care of us,” he was looking down at his bandage.

“That why you keep getting busted up?”

“It is a bonus.”

You laughed and shook your head, “Right. Well, I’m gonna send your prescription out. It’s a low-dose pain killer. Nothing crazy. Only take it if you need it. You know the drill.”

He chuckled, “Something like that.”

You looked at his arm and let out a small sigh, “Alright. Just because I know how you boys are, and that cut isn’t exactly in an optimal location, I’m gonna give you my number so you can get in touch with me if something starts to feel off or the stitches rip,” you scribbled your number down on a piece of scrap paper before handing it to him, “Anything happens, just call me, okay?”

He nodded, carefully folding and tucking the paper into the pocket of his kutte, “Thank you.”

You nodded, saying goodbye to him before walking out of the room to send his prescription to the pharmacy. The other doctors didn’t understand why you always jumped at the chance to treat the guys from the MC, but you did genuinely enjoy their company. They were all good to you, and you weren’t put off by the ink and kuttes like some of your coworkers.

He walked out of the room while you were sending out his prescription. You only noticed because you could hear all of his friends in the waiting room, instantly starting to crack jokes at his expense when he walked over to them. You smiled, shaking your head slightly—you couldn’t hear exactly what they were saying but you were sure that it was amusing.

Once it was all sent out, you made your way over to Creeper and the few guys from the club who had been there waiting for him to get patched up. They were all smiles when you walked over, and it was impossible to not return the gesture.

“You guys are in charge of making sure that he doesn’t get any new injuries while this one is healing, alright?” you gave them all pointed looks, “And no bikes for him until further notice.”

“They aren’t my parents,” Creeper said with a chuckle and a shake of his head, “I can take care of myself.”

You glanced at the bandage on his arm, “Mhm. I see this,” you laughed as your eyes met his, “Give me a call if anything happens, okay?”

He nodded, “Sure thing, Doc.”

As you walked away, you could hear Angel’s voice, “Give her a call? Alright, ‘mano. Good for you.”

You chuckled quietly as you walked off to see your next patient. There were, but one of your favorite things was the fact that you really got to meet and help so many different kinds of people. Stumbling into the circle of the MC had been completely out of your control, but you were glad that it happened. You just so happened to get assigned the right case in the free clinic a couple years ago and since then, you were essentially on Bishop’s speed dial whenever anything went down. He knew you were good at what you did, and could be discreet about it.

Days came and went, and you hadn’t heard anything from Creeper, or anyone for that matter. You supposed no news was good news, but you were curious to know how your patient was doing. You didn’t have his number, though, he only had yours. So you waited. You waited for a call from him, or a notification from the hospital that he had scheduled his follow-up appointment. Either one would be fine by you.

You were just getting off your shift, walking out to your car when your phone started to ring. You didn’t recognize the number, but you picked up anyway.

“Hello?”

“Hey, Doc,” you recognized his voice immediately.

“Neron,” your tone was cautious as you fished your keys out of your purse, “Why do I get the feeling that this isn’t a good call?”

“Because…it’s not,” he chuckled, “It’s not terrible. I just…did something stupid.”

“Oh did you?” you shook your head as you sat down behind the wheel and threw your purse over into the passenger seat.

“Think I could come in and have you fix me up?”

You sighed, “I’m leaving for the day. Text me your address and I’ll just come to you—you shouldn’t be driving anyway.”

“O-okay,” he fumbled over his words for a moment, “I, I can do that.”

“I’ll see you soon,” you laughed, “Don’t do anything else until I get there.”

You were surprised by how close he lived to the hospital. And, by extension, how close he lived to you. Your house was only about a ten-minute drive away from his, if that. You knew it was a small world, but you didn’t think it was quite that small.

You walked up and knocked on the door, medical bag slung over your shoulder. You’d taken to keeping a decent amount of supplies on-hand once you became the on-call doctor for the club. A few moments later he opened the door, a nervous smile on his face.

“You called?” you offered up with a laugh.

You noticed some of the tension disappear from his body as he nodded, stepping out of the way to let you in. You didn’t know what you had been expecting the inside of his home to look like, but what you were seeing didn’t surprise you. Everything was clean and orderly, but it was sparse. He didn’t strike you as the kind of man who was super into interior design anyway.

You took off your shoes, nudging them off to the side as you followed him to the living room. You noticed that he was keeping his arm pinned to his side, trying to hide whatever damage he’d done. It was amusing to you solely because he was going to have to show you what happened if he wanted you to fix it.

He sat down on the couch and you pulled a chair over from his table so that you could sit in front of him facing him. You looked back and forth between his face and his arm, waiting for him to start offering up some sort of explanation.

“Before you get mad,” he gestured with his good arm, “let me explain.”

“Please do,” you smiled as you started taking things out of your bag.

“I was being good,” he was almost pleading, “I was staying home—no rides, no club shit. Figured that since I’m stuck in the house I might as well get a few things around here taken care of.”

You looked at him, eyebrows raised, “Did any of the things that needed to be taken care of involve any kind of heavy lifting?”

“I didn’t think it was heavy! Not until,” he finally showed you his arm.

A few of his stitches had definitely ripped. It would be a quick and easy fix, but you could tell by the look on his face that he felt like he was about to get in trouble in the principal’s office. You smiled as you carefully undid the bandage and started wiping the dried blood away.

“It could be worse,” you said with a chuckle.

You could see the relief in his body language when he realized that you weren’t frustrated or upset with him. His injury wasn’t at the top of his list of concerns—he knew that you’d be able to fix it. He just didn’t want you to be pissed off at him during or after the process of doing so.

You re-wrapped his arm and reiterated your previous instructions as you did, “No rides, no heavy lifting. You are a one-armed man for the foreseeable future,” you reached into your bag and pulled out a sling, “And just in case you forget I’m gonna strap you down with this,” you laughed as you fitted it onto him.

He shook his head, but smiled, “This isn’t necessary, Doc.”

“Clearly it is,” you laughed as you leaned back in the chair.

A few beats of silence passed before he looked you in the eyes and let a small smirk pass over his face, “Thank you, by the way. I owe you.”

You shook your head as you packed everything back into your bag, “You don’t owe me. I’m happy to help.”

You were putting the chair back in its rightful place when he asked, “I was gonna order pizza if you want to stick around. I know I just made your long day even longer,” he chuckled nervously, “It’s the least I could do.”

You smiled, nodding, “Pizza sounds good.”

The evening was much more comfortable than you thought it might be. It was the longest that you’d spent with any of the guys from the club, especially in a one-on-one setting. Creeper was easy to be around though, and he kept your laughing. You really didn’t even notice the time going by as the two of you lounged on the sofa, television on just for background noise.

“I would love to stay,” you stood up and stretched, “But I don’t get to stay home on bedrest tomorrow,” you laughed.

“Can doctors call in sick?” he asked with a smile.

You nodded, “We can. I try to save my sick hours for hangovers, though.”

He walked you out to your car, and you couldn’t believe how dark it’d gotten. You tossed your bag into your trunk and shut the door with a quiet sigh. Despite how long your day had been, you couldn’t deny that the ending to it all had been worth it. You hadn’t expected to have so much fun, to so badly want to stay a little longer.

“Thanks again for this, Y/N. I owe you.”

You smiled and shook your head, “The only thing you owe me is updates. That way I know your arm is still attached and healing.”

He laughed and nodded, “I can do that.”

You hugged him gently, careful not to press against his injured arm, “Take care of yourself, Neron.”

His smile was soft, “Get home safe.”

Telling him to keep you updated was all it took for him to keep in touch with you. Over the next few days, seeing text messages from him were welcome distractions in the midst of a lot of chaos at work. At some point in the morning, he would always send an update saying that he still had both arms, and that he was still wearing the sling. He would usually include whatever joke the other guys had made at his expense that day, just to reassure you that he was still taking it easy. You’d usually text him back on your lunch break, if you got one, or just when you had a spare moment to breathe for a couple minutes.

Soon it was more than just the once or twice a day check-ins. Slowly but surely the conversations started lasting all throughout the day. You obviously weren’t always able to respond to things right away, but nonetheless the two of you kept the conversation going regardless of what it was about. It was the first time in a long time that you had someone that you could talk to all day and not get bored. It was nice.

You were texting him as you were leaving work late one night, drained and pissed off at a call your supervisor had made. You were glad that you had a couple days off before you had to be back so you could cool off a bit and not say something that you’d regret.

“Free tonight?” you figured the worst that could happen was that he would say that he was busy.

You got his reply as you sat down in the driver’s seat of your car, “Yea. You ok?”

You sighed but smiled as you typed out your response, “Shitty day”

His reply was immediate, “Come over whenever. Not like I’m going anywhere anytime soon lol”

You chuckled, shaking your head. You let him know that you were going to go home to shower and change and then you’d be over. You hadn’t been back to see him in person since you fixed his stitches. And, despite the fact that the two of you had been texting every day, you found yourself missing him a little bit. Even though it had been a rough day, you were glad that you would be able to stop in and see him.

You knocked on his front door, shifting your weight from one foot to the other. Showing up for something that wasn’t medical felt a little strange. You had no idea why there was a hint of nerves coursing through your body, but there was.

He opened the door, a smile spreading across his face, “Hey, come on in,” he stepped aside so you could come inside.

You slipped out of your sneakers and turned around to see Creeper staring at you. There was a smirk tugging at his lips and you felt your face get hot. You tugged at the hem of your tank top, letting out a nervous chuckle, “What?”

He shook his head, “Nothing. Just never seen you outta your scrubs, Doc,” he smiled, “Beer?”

You nodded, “Please.”

You collapsed down onto his couch and he appeared a few moments later with two open beer bottles, handing one to you. You took it happily, taking a long drink from it as he sat down on the couch next to you. He looked over at you, concern flashing across his features for a moment. Before he could ask you anything, you beat him to the punch.

“I know I’m not in my scrubs,” you looked at his arm, “But I’m still your doctor. What happened to the sling?”

He laughed, shaking his head, “I’ve been on my best behavior. No mishaps. I can’t go one night without it?”

You smiled, “Fine. One night,” you paused, can I look at the stitches though?”

He shook his head, “No. You had a long day. You’re not here to be my doctor. Just relax for a bit, will you?”

You rolled your eyes but smiled, “Fine,” you sipped on your beer, “No big club plans on a Saturday?”

“Just following the doctor’s orders.”

You laughed, “Man, she must be a real buzzkill.”

He chuckled, “Yea, but she means well.” You gave him a light shove as you let out a laugh. He smiled, “You this mean to all your patients?”

“Just the ones who make fun of me.”

He finally got you to start venting about what had been going on at work over the past few days, but that day in particular. He didn’t say much, just nodding and encouraging you along. He could see that you just needed to talk about it, to be able to be bitter and complain about it so that you wouldn’t combust from keeping anything inside. Throughout the course of the conversation he’d gotten you each a couple more beers. You took them gladly, just happy that you were able to unwind and have some good company.

As it started to get later, you found yourself not really wanting to leave. It was comfortable at his house, with him. You didn’t quite know what it was about it, but you really had no desire to go home.

He’d put a movie on, and somewhere along the way you found yourself leaning against his good side. You settled against him, soaking up the heat that was emanating from him. He cautiously draped his arm around you, his hand resting lightly on your side. You let out a quiet hum of approval and felt the tension disappear from his body.

You didn’t remember falling asleep, but you woke up to the sound of Creeper snoring. You forced your eyes open, trying to get your bearings a little bit. Your head was rested in his lap, blanket draped over you and his hand still resting on your side. He was leaning back against the couch, head tilted slightly upwards as he slept. You sat up slowly, running your hands over your face.

He felt you stir and started to wake up. You smiled over at him as he wiped the sleep from his eyes, “Sorry I ended up crashing here.”

He chuckled, tiredness still weighing on his voice as he struggled to wake himself up, “No worries. Glad you got some rest.”

You got up and got ready to head home, already feeling like you definitely overstayed your welcome. He wasn’t rushing you out, but he wasn’t going to try to force you to stay, either, assuming that you had other things you had to take care of. He still walked you out to your car despite the fact that it was daylight now. He hug he gave you lingered for just a little bit longer, and you didn’t mind.

“Thank you. Sorry again about the impromptu slumber party,” you laughed.

He smiled, “You don’t gotta apologize.”

You fished your keys out of your purse, “Don’t forget to make an appointment for your stitches soon, alright?”

“Was hoping you’d be willing to make a house call for that.”

You smiled, cheeks getting hot for a moment, “I might be able to swing that. I’ll stop by sometime next week.”

The following week, you were making your way out to your car after your shift. Things were a little calmer at work, and your frustration had decreased drastically. You were digging around for your keys when you felt your phone vibrating in your pocket. You pulled it out, brows furrowing in concern when Bishop’s name flashed across the screen.

“Hello?”

“Hey, Y/N.”

“Hey…everything alright?”

He didn’t sound overly worried, “Yea. Just wanted to ask a favor of you if I could.”

“What’s up?”

“You think you could take Creeper’s stitches out early? Need him on deck for some club stuff. He’s gotta be able to ride.”

You sighed. You know that realistically he’d probably be fine, but you couldn’t pretend that you wouldn’t be worried about whatever it was that was going on. You weren’t going to say no, though. “Yea, I could do that. Was planning on taking them out this weekend anyway.”

“Great. Think you can stop by his place tonight?”

“When do you need him by?”

There was a pause—he didn’t want to answer the question, “Tomorrow.”

“Fuck, Bish. Seriously?”

“I know. I’ll owe you.”

You chuckled, “You sure will. I’ll stop by his place tonight.”

“You’re an angel.”

“Yea, remember that,” you laughed as you hung up the phone. With a sigh, you texted Creeper to let him know that you were on your way to his house as per Bishop’s orders. He probably knew already, but you still felt weird popping by without saying anything first.

He opened the door for you when you got there, a smirk on his face, “Wow. I bet Bishop that you weren’t going to cave on taking them out early.”

“If your arm didn’t seem to be healing so well, I wouldn’t be,” you shook your head slightly as you got ready to take his stitches out, “You’re lucky you’re such a good patient.”

The two of you were quiet as you went to work on his arm. It really wasn’t the worst thing in the world that the stitches were coming out a little ahead of schedule. He’d been careful with his arm, and you really didn’t have any pressing concerns about it. Your worries branched far outside the scope of his latest injury.

“Do I get to ask what’s so important that Bishop needs you to speed up your recovery time?”

He raised his eyebrows slightly, “You really wanna know?”

You sighed, shaking your head, “No. It’s probably better for my sanity if I don’t.”

“You worried?”

You flicked your eyes up to him for a moment, “Usually urgent club business ends with at least one of you guys needing to come and see me to get patched up. Odds aren’t really in your favor.”

He laughed, “I guess you’re right.”

Neither of you said anything more about it. As much as you wanted to stay, and maybe pry a little more into what was going on, you fought the urge. You knew that he probably had last-minute shit to take care of, and it wasn’t your place to get in his way. You slung your bag over your shoulder as you headed back towards the front door of his house. The knot in your stomach wasn’t going to go away until they were all back and safe from handling whatever it was that they were getting into.

After tossing your bag into your car, you turned around and wrapped him in a tight hug. For the first time since he got injured, he was able to properly hug you back. He kept you snug against him for a few moments, and you really didn’t want him to let go.

You finally stepped back, “Please stay safe, alright?”

“Doctor’s orders?” there was a small smile on his face.

You laughed and nodded, “Yes. Doctor’s orders,” you paused, gnawing at the inside of your bottom lip, “Let me know when you’re back?”

He nodded, “I will.”

“Good. Okay,” you stepped in and hugged him again, pressing a light, quick kiss to his cheek before getting in your car, “Stay out of trouble, Neron.”

He smiled, “I’ll do what I can.”

A few days ticked by and you hadn’t heard anything from anyone. Which was perfectly on-brand for the MC, but this time it made you worried. You had debated texting creeper, but you stopped yourself. They were busy, probably wrapped up in dangerous shit. The last thing that he needed was you bothering him. Still, though, you wished that you knew what was going on.

You were pulling something together for a very late dinner at the end of the week. Your shift had gone way longer than it was supposed to. You were too tired to cook, but it was also too late to get anything delivered. So you were pulling random things out of your cabinets in the hopes of putting together something that resembled a meal.

Your phone buzzed once on the counter. You glanced over and saw that you had a notification from Creeper. Instantly you opened the message, “Call me now. It’s urgent”

Your heart dropped into your stomach as you called him. Your hand trembled as you held it up to your ear, waiting to hear the worst when he picked up on the other end of the line.

“Hello?”

“Neron?” you couldn’t hide the worry in your voice, “Are you okay? Where are you guys? Are you all safe?”

“One question at a time,” there was a touch of humor to his voice, and you couldn’t tell if you found it reassuring or frustrating.

“What’s wrong? You said it was urgent,” your heart was pounding inside your chest.

“It is,” he paused, “Kind of. I mean,” you heard him take a deep breath, “Actually, honestly, I just miss you. Been thinkin’ about you all week.”

You let out a laugh, some of the tension disappearing from your body, “I miss you too. So…you’re still in one piece?”

He chuckled, “Yea. Me and everyone else.”

“Where are you?”

“About to head home.”

“Can I come over?” you blurted out.

You could tell he was biting back a laugh as he responded, “Yea. Of course.”

You let out a sigh of relief, “Alright. I’ll see you soon.”

When you pulled in, you saw his bike in the driveway and knew he was already home. You didn’t bother knocking this time, electing to just let yourself in. He was standing in the kitchen, looking in the fridge when you walked in. He turned around, smiling when he saw you. Without giving it a second thought, you all but ran over to him and wrapped him in a tight hug. He laughed, arms snaking around you and squeezing you tight. You shut your eyes, taking a moment to just breathe him in as one of his hands came to rest on the back of your head.

“I really did miss you, you know,” his voice was softer than you were used to. It was the first thing either of you said to each other since you got there.

You smiled against his chest, “I missed you too.”

He pulled away from you a little so he could get a good look at your face. You could see the exhaustion in his features, but you could see the happiness too. His hands stayed rested on your hips as he spoke, “I know I’m technically not your patient anymore,” he cracked a smile, “But if you wanted to keep stopping in to make house calls, I wouldn’t mind.”

You laughed, hands resting on the sides of his neck, fingers lightly tracing over the ink there, “You wouldn’t, huh?”

“I like you,” you could tell by the look on his face that he was choosing his words carefully, “And I like it when you’re here. Feels more like home. Not being able to talk to you for a week…really fucking sucked.”

You smiled, liking his simple honesty, “I agree. And…I like you too.”

He pulled you closer, fingers drumming lightly on your sides, “Can I kiss you?”

Your eyes widened, not expecting that to be the next thing that he said. Despite the shock, you smiled and nodded. The grin that broke out across his face was contagious, but you didn’t have time to really take it in as he cupped your face and pulled you in so your lips crashed against his. You practically melted into him, hands sliding to rest on his chest. His thumb traced along your cheekbone as his lips moved against yours.

You pulled back to catch your breath, and you could feel his chest vibrating with laughter beneath your hands. Your face was hot and you found yourself smiling when he pulled you close and rested his forehead against yours.

“I guess you were right,” you said with a quiet laugh.

“About?”

You chuckled, “About this being urgent,” you smiled and closed your eyes as he pressed a kiss to your forehead, “I’m glad you’re safe.”

“I’m glad you’re here.”

You rested your head against his chest and sighed, leaning into him. He wrapped his arms around you, one hand sliding gently up and down your back. His arms felt strong, and they made you feel safe. You didn’t know for sure what was in store for the two of you next, but you were ready for whatever the next adventure was.

[cheri-translates]

[CN] ASMR Transcript - Recovery (Gavin)

🍒 Warning: This post contains detailed spoilers for an ASMR, 复苏, which has not been released in English servers! 🍒

This ASMR was released on 20 December 2020

More from this collection: Lucien l Kiro l Victor

[ sound of footsteps + sexy Gavin noises + door opening and closing ]

Is the air-conditioner turned on?

Good.

Just wait for it to become gradually warmer.

Come.

Wipe off the melted snow first.

It won’t be good for your hair to be wet.

Is the strength okay?

Close your eyes.

I’ll give your face a wipe too.

[ wiping sounds ]

Did you have fun today?

I’m very happy too.

I didn’t expect that we’d face an even heavier snow than the previous trip.

And we even built an even bigger snowman.

Erm, though I couldn’t really tell what you built next to the snowman.

A nest of bird eggs?

Cough.

Oh, it’s Greenie.

Actually, your hands are pretty skillful.

I just didn’t recognize it immediately.

[ Gavin noises ]

Don’t play around.

Your hair isn’t dry yet.

[ Gavin laughs ]

Why is there a snowball hidden in your hand?

[ more pure Gavin laughter ]

All right,

Just treat it as punishment for not recognizing Greenie.

I won’t avoid it.

Where are you going to put the snowball?

Here?

[ Gavin noises ]

You’re just like the students from last time who loved playing pranks.

There was one year when Loveland City had a rare heavy snowfall.

And people played tricks on that bloke Minor.

I’ve never played tricks on schoolmates.

Mm, I promise.

My clothes have gotten drenched.

[ Gavin hisses ]

Where else do you want to put it?

There aren’t other places that are even hotter.

[ Gavin hisses ]

Do you want to go even lower?

[ Gavin noises ]

You’re having too much fun.

[ Gavin noises ]

It’s true that I haven’t played tricks on schoolmates.

But right now, I need to get back at a schoolmate, you.

[ Gavin NOISES ]

Is it cold?

It’s all right.

I’ll make those cold places warm again.

Give me the snowball.

It’s going to melt soon.

It’s so cold.

I’m not referring to the snowball.

Your hand.

Hold on.

I’ll change the rug.

[ footsteps + drawer opening sounds  ]

Mm.

My clothes.

Anyway, it’s already wet.

So I might as well take it off.  

[ Gavin noises + footsteps ]

Wrap it properly.

Wrap it even more tightly.

[chuckles] You’re now curled up into a ball.

You look rounded.

It makes me want to hug you even more.

I’ll wrap myself together with you.

Share half of it with me.

Give me your hands.

[ Gavin blows ]

Your fingertips have turned red from the cold.

Why didn’t you feel it yourself?

Are we still building snowmen tomorrow?

Mm, that’s right.

Skills need to be practiced.

Mm, Greenie’s leaves are too complicated.

We could try building a Thorny as practice.

I’ll be responsible for providing the toothpicks. [chuckles]

From earlier, there’s still one point I haven’t finished saying.

During that rare snowfall,

Didn’t the school give us an additional ten minutes of break time?

Back then, everyone would play in the field.

The students from the class next door from yours secretly stuffed Minor’s shirt with snowballs.

It was so cold that he started jumping around.

I happened to see it.

I was going to help him with a counterattack,

But you were a step faster than I was, returning the male student who pulled the prank with a snowball.

You don’t remember at all?

Or do you only remember the school-wide snowball fight later on?

Because I kept looking at you.

That’s why I remember it very clearly.

[ kiss ]

The you on a day of snowfall

Are even cuter than usual.

[ Gavin noises ]

Encasing you like this for a while -

Doesn’t it feel warmer a little faster?

Do you think placing your hands here would make them warmer even more quickly?

Put them there then.

[chuckles] Not here.

I’m not ticklish.

It’s…

In short, you can’t.

[chuckles] Don’t move around.

The hot air we accumulated with difficulty has left.

Just hugging like this is pretty good.

Your legs are cold too?

Mm… if it’s your feet,

You can put them like this.

How’s this?

You can’t move at all?

[chuckles] It’s good that you can’t move.

The sofa is too small.

I can’t really stretch.

But this is even better.

I’m also afraid of the cold.

It’s just that when I’m with you,

My temperature would always be slightly higher than normal.

[ heartbeat sounds ]

My heart rate would also increase slightly.

I guess this is a good point of winter.

No matter how much I hug you, I won’t get tired of it.

[ Gavin sighs ]

Are you still cold anywhere else?

The ears?

Mm, they are very cold.

Even colder than your hands.

[ HE LICKS HER EAR ]

Your earlobe is very cold.

[ HE LICKS HER EAR ]

But it tastes very good.

This is the truth.

Mm.

[ Gavin INTENSE BREATHING AND LICKING ]

Your ear heats up very quickly.

[ MORE LICKING ]

Even your face has heated up.

Looks like this method is the most effective.

Really.

Look – your hands are still a little cold.

But your face is already burning.

If you don’t believe me, we can try other places.

[ Gavin BREATHING NOISES AND KISSES? I don’t know? VERY INTENSE ]

It hurts?

This doesn’t count as biting.

I’m just giving it a taste.

Don’t hide.

I promise not to bite you anymore.

Just…

[ KISSES AND INTENSE BREATHING ]

I know that your hands are no longer cold.

It’s just that I want to kiss them.

Or are there any other places that are cold?

Here?

Or here?

[ KISSES WHICH SOUND MORE LIKE… I DON’T KNOW THEY SOUND WEIRD ]

Here?

I might need to change my position.

[ HIS VOICE SHIFTS OVER TO YOUR RIGHT EAR ]

You aren’t cold here.

It’s actually very hot.

[ KISS ]

Another kind of taste.

[ VERY VERY VERY INTENSE BREATHING ]

Is the woolen blanket too thick

Or is the air-conditioner set at a high temperature?

Because I can see that you’re sweating a little.

Neither?

[ laughs + kiss ]

I understand.

The credit goes to me.

[ Gavin’s breathing ]

I’m also feeling a little warm.

[ Gavin’s breathing ]

The credit goes to you.

If you don’t believe me, feel it.

I’m not asking you touch over here.

But this is even hotter.

Do you feel it?

[ heartbeat sounds + INTENSE GAVIN BREATHING ]

Don’t let go.

[ INTENSE GAVIN BREATHING ]

Very comfortable.

[ VERY INTENSE GAVIN BREATHING ]

Is it cold or hot right now?

It’s cold again.

But I don’t want to be covered any longer.

Anyway, there are many method to warm you up.

Which method do you want to use…

Or should I pick?

I’ll pick the one which is most effective.

[ intense Gavin breathing ]

What did you say?

The snowball?

Don’t bother about the snowball.

Let it melt.

[ intense Gavin breathing ]

[akitokihojo]

Monster - Chapter 7

chapter index

It was unsurprising that Inuyasha had dozed off after Kagome and had awoken before her. It seemed she’d barely moved in the night aside from freeing her arms from the confinements of the quilts she rested beneath and turning to lay on her side facing the edge of the mattress. Her dark hair splayed behind her, but little, rogue strands clung to her sweat-soaked cheeks, forehead, and neck, her skin glimmering with the layer of dew that signified her breaking fever. A little color had returned to her face, an unfriendly flush painting her cheekbones, and Inuyasha could only figure how uncomfortable she would be if she were conscious.

Again, that twinge of sympathy twisted at his abdomen. He felt the pull to help, to make her just a bit more comfortable, and did the first thing that came to mind by heading to the bathroom, grabbing a washcloth from the shelf, and soaking it in some water. He rung it of extra moisture, folding it up and walking back over to the sleeping girl.

While she was unaware, this sort of act was fine. If she were awake, it’d be an entirely different story, but since she was asleep, Inuyasha allowed himself the leeway to sit beside her and gently pat the wet rag over her cheeks, adjusting those soddened strands of hair away from her body. He carefully pushed her bangs from her head, dabbing the sweat clean, and softly trailed over her temple, the sides of her face, her jaw, and over her neck.

It was too quick how he’d lost the ability to pay attention, how he’d carelessly gotten swept away in his task, and after moments of cooling her skin, pressing the rag against her so mildly, he noticed her brown eyes had already blinked open, gazing at him drowsily.

How long? How long ago had she woken up without him realizing? He instantly felt awkward and tense, his motions halting altogether as an uncontrollable heat rushed to his cheeks. He wanted to remove himself from the situation immediately, never one to let others see him visibly uncomfortable, so as a swift attempt at recovery, Inuyasha dropped the wet washcloth on Kagome’s face as he picked himself up and crossed the room to the window, ignoring her tiny and shocked yelp.

“What was that for?” She whined.

“You’re awake. You can do it yourself now.” He replied abrasively.

“What were you even doing?” Kagome asked, steadily pushing herself up to a sitting position, a hand braced behind her for stability.

“Nothing.”

“But -“

The hanyou hushed her, notching his chin toward the door. “Kaede’s coming.”

And, just seconds later, a knock greeted them. Inuyasha crossed the room to unlock the bolt, opening it up so his friend could enter.

“Ah, you’re awake.” She smiled brightly, shoving a folded up, black garment into Inuyasha’s waist and completely neglecting to acknowledge him as she welcomed herself in and crossed the floor to Kagome.

“Wow,” Inuyasha drawled, deadpanning. “Good morning to you, too.”

“Yeah, yeah. Hi, Inuyasha.” Kaede absently waved. “Get dressed, I’m tired of seeing your tits.”

“Why? Because they’re bigger than yours?”

“As a matter of fact, yes.” She huffed, still not looking at him as she checked Kagome’s temperature. “I have to tighten my bodice to no ends just to get an ounce of cleavage. Yours just exists, and it’s not fair.”

“Stop sexualizing me, you creep.” Inuyasha joked, unfolding the shirt and throwing it over his head. “It’s not my fault I’m well-endowed.”

“How are you feeling? Nauseous?” Kaede asked Kagome, ignoring Inuyasha’s sarcasm.

The conjurer shook her head, grateful that the medicine Kaede had given her seemed to have worked.

“You’re still a bit warm, but your fever’s breaking so that’s a good sign. I’ll go get some rice for you to eat and then give you one more dose.”

“Won’t it put me to sleep?” Kagome asked.

“Yes, but you need the rest, sweetheart.”

“It’s not clear to leave yet, anyway, so you may as well sleep. You’ll have nothing better to do.” Inuyasha added, tucking the ends of his shirt into his pants before buttoning them up. He worked on rolling the sleeves up his forearms next, making things a little more comfortable.

Kagome begrudgingly agreed, despite her desperate desire to stretch and walk around and be normal again. Kaede was quick to return with a healthy serving of rice and a large glass of water, making light conversation as she watched to make sure Kagome ate. A part of her wanted to ask if she had any children. She was very motherly and kind, and while Kaede was maybe just a year or two older than she was with the spunky sense of humor to match, she found a small resemblance between she and her own mother.

After giving her the dreadful fever medicine, Kaede left with both the rice bowl and the soup bowl from the night before, leaving Inuyasha and Kagome alone in the room once more.

Kagome laid herself down, knowing good and well how quickly the dose she’d just consumed was going to kick in, and within moments, her eyelids grew heavy and she drifted back to sleep.

Inuyasha watched her for a small while, alternating his attention from the unconscious girl to the town outside their window. He didn’t know what had possessed him to stay with her. Usually, he was one to sit in Kaede’s tavern area, or visit the shops, or have Totosai sharpen Tessaiga. Totosai worked with Kaede, helped her manage the floor and kitchen, but first and foremost, he was a bladesmith, and Inuyasha was happy to take full advantage of that. Yet, here he was. It was like he personally wanted to watch her improve. It was like Inuyasha wanted to make sure nothing stood in the way of her rest, and if she woke up or needed anything in the meantime, he was within earshot. What could she possibly need or want if she was asleep, though? What could he possibly do to help her while she wasn’t even conscious?

What was it about her that progressively demanded his attention?

After a couple of hours, Inuyasha forced himself to leave the room. Whatever he was feeling, it was freaking him out worse than the fear he felt just the night before. So, he went downstairs and paid off the tab so he wouldn’t have to worry about it later, giving Kaede a bit extra for tending to Kagome, which she nearly rejected but he walked away before she could force him to take it back. He ate something, he went outside to scope the area, making sure no familiar and unwelcome scents lingered around the grounds, went back to the inn and checked on Kagome, left when he saw she was still asleep, walked around some more, handed Tessaiga over to Totosai, checked on Kagome again, and then left the town entirely to rest in a tree in the forest so he wouldn’t be tempted to give up and hang out in the room.

“Oh, hey. She’s awake now and looks ten times better. You’re welcome. I know, I know, I’m the best.” Kaede grinned smugly, crinkling her nose adorably once Inuyasha walked back in. The sun was now setting, and he’d literally forced himself to stay out for hours to shake whatever was pulling him in like a magnet.

“You’ve checked on her?” He questioned, arching a brow.

“Of course, I did. Several times.” She shrugged. “Poor girl wanted nothing more than to bathe, so I set her up with a fresh gown and helped her out. She’s much more lively now, the cutie. How’d you even meet her? Is she a longtime friend of yours or something?”

Inuyasha deliberated his answer for a moment before taking a large step back and out of Kaede’s reach, grateful the counter she stood behind acted as a barrier to slow her down.

She read his expression immediately, and her brows pinched together in disapproval. “Inuyasha, what did you do?”

“First of all, I want to start off with the fact that I saved her life.” He began, defensively. “Just remember that, okay?”

“What did you do?” She repeated with condemnation.

“Nothing wrong, per se!”

“Don’t make me ask her myself.”

“No, don’t! She’ll just exaggerate!”

“Inuyasha!”

“I thought there was a bounty on her head, okay? Are you happy?” The hanyou barked.

“You did not!” Kaede had been friends with Inuyasha long enough to know how roughly he treated others, especially those he could get paid for. She’d even witnessed it a couple of times while Inuyasha brought them to the bar, eating and drinking in front of them, taunting them, making them wait out their sentencing for a bit longer. Personally, she thought it was sort of amusing since the majority of his victims had it coming. Not in this case, though.

“Well, you saw how messed up she looked! It was worse a couple days ago, so could you even blame me!?”

“Yes!”

“And, she had a horrible attitude for someone who’d just had their ass saved.” He growled, remembering her sassy remarks that got her into trouble with him. “The girl’s fucking ridiculous.”

“Oh, I’m gonna kick your sorry ass!” Kaede threatened, preparing to hop over the counter, not even bothering to head to the side and exit the counter door.

“I let her go!” Inuyasha argued, holding up his hands before him to protect himself.

“Let her…” Kaede stopped with one foot pressed on the countertop, uncaring that her skirt was hiked with gravity and that she was exposed. She let his words process for a moment, steadily bringing her foot back to the ground. He let her go. He legitimately had her in captivity. No longer was she interested in getting the full story from this scummy ass half demon. She wanted to know exactly what he did, and she was going to get it from the honest source.

Calmly, she turned and opened the counter door, shutting it behind her with pursed lips, and she watched the realization dawn on Inuyasha’s face. Before he could stop her, though, she booked it, running down the hall and up the stairs, shoving the hanyou’s hands off of her whenever he tried to grab and stop her.

She threw the door open, spotting Kagome across the bedroom with large eyes and a startled frown. She was tense where she stood, her black hair tied back in a messy bun, a rosiness flooding in her cheeks as she relaxed at seeing it was only them.

“Kagome - don’t touch me, Inuyasha - Kagome, did this mother fucker -“

“Don’t tell her anything! She’s gonna kill me!”

“Shut up! Did this mother fucker abduct you? Did he threaten to -“

“Kagome, no!”

“- Sell you?”

There was a thick moment of silence. Kagome stared at the two in the entry, stunned, perplexed, wondering what she was now caught in the middle of. She watched Inuyasha’s heated expression crumble as he started laughing, hiding his amusement behind his hand as he folded over and braced himself on his thighs. Kaede, though, held onto her wrathful look, her brown eyes squinted with how deep set her brows sat.

“Yes.” She finally answered, nodding. “Yes, he did.”

“I saved her life first! I saved her life!” Inuyasha jumped up, backing away from Kaede as she raised her fist and threatened to hit him.

“Is that true, Kagome?” She asked.

“Mhm. Sort of.”

“But, then he thought there was a bounty on your head? Why?”

“He assumed I was on the run from someone because of my bruises. Didn’t believe me when I said I’d gotten myself into a different type of trouble, then chased me down, tied me up, and dragged me around for miles.”

“Dragged!? Don’t say dragged!” Inuyasha shouted, suddenly more concerned for his well-being than he was before. He flinched, holding his hands up when Kaede pulled her fist back again in a threatening motion. “She walked! I made her walk for a few miles!”

“No, no, that’s true!” Kagome quickly said, correcting her choice of vocabulary. “I wasn’t literally dragged, I promise!”

“What else?” Kaede demanded.

“Kaede, stop!” Inuyasha laughed. “She’s fine, just look at her.”

“I’m not talking to you, shit-for-brains!”

“He tied me to a couple trees, and called me a crybaby when we accidentally bonked heads.” Kagome added.

“‘Bonked’? Who the fuck says ‘bonked’?” Inuyasha ridiculed.

“Would you like me to use a worse term?” She shot back.

“No, no, ‘bonked’ is fine.” He chuckled, wincing when Kaede lurched at him again. God, he should have known that Kaede would take another female’s side over his own any day.

“And, then what?”

“That’s about it. He untied me after a while. Oh, but he did try to attack me with his sword, and I thought that was overkill.”

Inuyasha froze, his face paling as he watched Kaede’s attention slowly drift back to him, a furious fire igniting behind her eyes. She went to actually throw her fist at him, but he dodged, swerving around her, jumping on top of the bed to bounce to the opposite side, and ducking to hide behind Kagome where he knew he’d be safest. There was no fucking way Kaede would compromise Kagome’s security.

“It’s a misunderstanding!”

“How the fuck is that a misunderstanding!?”

Kagome stood there unfazed, wobbling forward and back as Inuyasha protected himself behind her, his hands on her shoulders to keep her in place as Kaede approached with heavy stomps.

“The first time, I was just trying -“

“First time!?”

“Let me explain! I was just trying to scare the attitude out of her!”

“Kind of worked.” Kagome muttered, knowing she was probably unheard over Inuyasha’s nervous yelling. Ironically, she felt completely disregarded despite literally behind held in the middle of their fight.

“Tessaiga didn’t transform, though! So, the second time I pulled it, I was just trying to see why!”

“It has a name?” Kagome grimaced, again going ignored.

“You should have never pulled it in the first place, you big-tittied man!”

“At no point did I actually plan on harming her with it!”

“I don’t care! Was Kagome even brandishing a weapon at you!?”

“She was acting high and mighty! I needed to put her in her place!”

Kagome grimaced again at his poor choice of words. He had quite the nerve to use her as a shield while being rude.

“Inuyasha, you son of a bitch!”

“I’m sorry! Look, she’s fine! She’s totally fine! I didn’t hurt her, I promise! Tell her I didn’t hurt you, kid!”

Oh, now she’s being acknowledged. Kagome rolled her eyes, sighing out before dully saying, “He didn’t hurt me. He let me go that night, gave me some food, let me sleep, and even covered me with something so I’d be warm.”

For the second time that day, an irrational heat rushed to Inuyasha’s face. At no point had he considered she’d wake up and notice he’d done that, and instantly he was embarrassed. “No, I didn’t.” He retorted out of pure reaction when Kaede perked with a curious expression.

“Yeah, you did.” Kagome countered, peeking over her shoulder at him. “I saw it.”

“You must have been dreaming.” Inuyasha said, letting her go.

“It’s the whole reason I knew you were being attacked. I had your scent all over me, which attracted a couple of those demons my way.”

Kaede sniggered, pinching her lips together while she observed Inuyasha’s humiliation. Public affection in any way, shape, or form had never been his thing. It was why she was so shocked he’d walked in with a woman hanging on his arm in the first place, which she easily dismissed when she realized Kagome was severely ill. But, to know he’d taken it upon himself to make sure the girl kept warm in the middle of the night was something entirely new.

“Kagome, do you remember what it was?” She reached, never really pinging Inuyasha the type to carry a blanket around.

“Kind of. It was red. A jacket, maybe? Is it the thing you put in my bag?”

Kaede slapped her hand over her mouth, stifling her laughter behind her tightly-pressed palm when Inuyasha’s face burned even brighter. There was literally no disputing Kagome in the first place since she had traceable evidence, but Kaede knew exactly which garment Kagome was referring to. Inuyasha had been wearing the damned thing when they first met years ago. His father’s robe of the fire rat. Nowadays, he merely used it when the weather got a bit nippy since it was surprisingly cozy, but she knew it was a cherished item of his. The half demon’s face burned brighter, his lips pursing as he glanced over at Kaede when he fully came out from behind Kagome.

“If you’re going to hit me, just do it. Otherwise, go away.”

“I don’t really want to after that.”

“Go away then.”

“I feel like all is right in the world now.” Kaede teased, acting as if a weight had lifted from her chest by breathing deeply.

“You’re an asshole.”

“I sure am.” She grinned, shutting the door behind her on her way out.

“So,”

“No. Don’t start.” Inuyasha cut Kagome off, not even looking at her. “I’ll kick you out, too.”

Kagome swallowed her laughter, doing Inuyasha the favor of pretending she hadn’t seen his maddening blush. “Did I say something wrong?”

“Drop it.” He said, making himself comfortable on the side of the bed. It was nicely made and he laid back against the pillows, slightly propped up while his gaze rested on the ceiling.

At least he had part of the answer he was looking for the night before. About how Kagome had found him, or even knew he was under attack. He’d considered that maybe she’d turned around and headed in his direction instead of the one she’d left in, making it nothing more than a coincidence. Or, maybe she was being shady and followed him while he was too distracted by the other fuckers he was being stalked by. Apparently, someone had literally told her about it.

And, she came running.

Kagome pushed the curtains to stay open, sitting on the cushioned chair in the corner so that she could watch the sun set on the town outside. It was beautiful, the world painted in warm oranges that she appreciated to no ends. She didn’t care how common or cliche it was considered to adore sunsets. They brought her joy, and in this chaotic time they lived in, everyone should relish in those little, beautiful details the universe had to offer.

“My scent,” Inuyasha spoke from across the room, catching Kagome’s attention. He wasn’t looking at her, his silver lashes fluttering with each blink as he stared upward, his forearm resting just above his head on the pillow. “Did someone think you were me?”

“No, that’s not it.” She refuted with a soft sway of her head, eyes wandering back outside. She pulled her knees into her chest, adjusting the nightgown Kaede lent her to drape over her legs. “There were two of them, and they thought we were a bit closer than what we are and wanted to try and use me against you. They told me all about their attack, so I headed over to make sure you were alright. I’m really glad that I did.”

Inuyasha had to remind himself to neglect her last comment or else it would just be another thing that flustered him. Twice in one day was two times too many, so the last thing he was going to do was walk into another. Because, the first thought that came to mind was to ask, even now? Even after she’d been so cripplingly sick, even after she was debilitated and weak, even after she feared for her life and cried in secrecy? Even now, you’re still glad? And, he was positive she’d say yes. Even now. So, he avoided it altogether.

“Look, I just want you to know that I only put the damn robe on you in the first place because you were shivering like a fucking baby.”

“Okay,” Kagome said lightly, sucking on her bottom lip so she wouldn’t smile. Due to his deflecting demeanor, she was ninety-nine percent certain she was not and he was just trying to cover for himself. She didn’t fully understand why. She thought it was sweet of him. God forbid he do something genuinely compassionate without taking it back. Nevertheless, he seemed uncomfortable expressing such acts, and it wasn’t something she was going to force him to own up to. “I appreciate it either way.”

“Whatever.” He grumbled. “What did you mean, they wanted to use you against me?”

“Well, they said they’d win no matter what, but your sword was a nuisance, so they’d use me as a hostage so you’d give up. I kindly told them that wouldn’t work.”

He chuckled, pinching his brows as he imagined the ridiculous thought. “So, what happened after that?”

“I - uh - took care of them.” Kagome sheepishly admitted.

“You mean, you killed them?”

“Yeah.” She tried not to laugh. It felt apathetic to laugh, but it wasn’t their death she found humorous. It was more the way she was awkwardly dancing around the subject.

“So, that’s two. Who was the third?”

“Third?”

“You said you killed three men before saving my ass. Who was the third?” Inuyasha repeated, now looking at her. While the sun that set behind the hills wasn’t facing her, the rays of warm colors still hit her skin. It was too enrapturing to look away from, no matter how many times he inwardly told himself to do so. The oranges and pinks, the purples and yellows, the glowing highlights and soothing shadows adorned her better than he imagined anything ever could. The color in her cheeks had returned, and now were basked in hues no one would ever get the privilege of seeing on her at all hours of the day. Maybe that’s what made it better.

The eye closest to the lighting, her right eye, shimmered with high definition reds and golds, and the brown resembled the natural beauty of the forest floor. He’d visited the ocean, he’d seen bodies of water, he’d ambled through grass and fields of flowers, he’d seen the world, the pretty and the ugly, he’d walked through fire, traveled hills, climbed mountains, and ran through gardens of the most striking wonders, but nothing could ever take away his love for the woodlands. Nothing ever compared to the minerals that sparkled in the dirt, or the bark that patterned over aged trees. Nothing came close to the scent of burning wood in the middle of the night as he camped out, waiting for sunrise, and nothing could ever relate to the absolute and wonderful calm he experienced when his boots crunched against the fallen leaves, or when he waited out the moon, but especially when he watched the sun make its ascent through the sky. Her eyes took him there. He was laying on a bed in the middle of a room with no clear visual of anything outside, and Kagome’s eyes took him to that calm he desired whenever things got just a little too overwhelming.

With a sharp pinch of his claw against the palm of the same hand, Inuyasha was able to divert his attention back to the ceiling. The sun would completely be gone in a matter of moments, and she’d be safe to look at again without his mind running circles around him.

“Oh, he was watching from the sidelines. I couldn’t sneak past him, so I had to kill him.” Kagome answered.

“Savage.” He remarked.

“You’ve gotta do what you’ve gotta do.”

It grew quiet for a while. Kagome watched the few people that were out make their way back home. She watched the mountain in the distance, the one the sun hid behind, shadow the grounds and darken their world. She tried to spot the moon in the sky but had no vantage point for that, but the way it glowed against the earth was still soothing and radiant.

She could tell Inuyasha wasn’t asleep from the way his breathing had never deepened or become rhythmic. His eyes were closed, but he seemed to simply be resting peacefully. While the silence wasn’t necessarily uncomfortable, she still didn’t much want to sit in it right now. She’d been asleep for so long, woken up in silence, and truthfully, wanted to drown out any negative thoughts in her head that might potentially creep up. At the moment, she was fine, but she wanted to keep it that way.

“What’s your favorite color?” Kagome asked, making sure to keep her voice smooth so it wasn’t loud or startling.

Inuyasha’s eyes blinked open, brows furrowing perplexedly at her random question. Glancing her way, he noticed her patient grin, but he couldn’t pinpoint why she wanted to know something as inconsequential as that. “What?”

“What’s your favorite color?” She repeated in the same tone.

“Don’t have one.” He said, his frown remaining.

“Everyone has a favorite color.”

“Fine. Black.” He watched her head tilt to the side, her lips parting, but he beat her to the punch with her next statement by mockingly saying, “Black’s a shade, not a color.”

He listened for her giggle to die, rolling his eyes when he finally said, “I don’t know. Maybe blue. But, like, dark blue. Or, dark purple.”

“Oh, those are pretty.” Kagome remarked, setting her chin on the top of her knee. “Mine’s baby pink and lavender. I love Spring-time colors.”

Inuyasha didn’t say anything in response, but he was unfazed when she asked another question a small moment later.

“What’s your favorite food?”

“What is this, the question game?”

“Mhm.”

“Why?”

“Why not?” Kagome countered. “I mean, I figured if all is well tomorrow, we’ll be going our separate ways, right? Why not get to know each other in the meantime? We’re both awake, we’re in the same room, nothing traumatic is happening for once, so why not actually hang out and talk?”

“Sounds stupid.”

“Humor me.”

“Fine. If it’ll shut you up.” He said dully. “Ramen. I like ramen.”

“Ramen’s good. I’ve only had it a couple of times. Mine’s chocolate. Cake. Chocolate cake.” It was actually horrible how much she loved chocolate cake. If it was the only thing she ate for the rest of her life, she’d find the life she lived to be quite fulfilling. “What’s your favorite animal? I know it’s not dogs.”

“Oh, ha-ha.” Inuyasha rolled his eyes again. “I really don’t have one of those, but because I know you’re gonna make me choose something, I’d have to say cats.”

“How ironic.”

Inuyasha grabbed the pillow next to him and chucked it at the girl in the corner, her laughter filling his ears as she protected herself in the nick of time. “Shut up and tell me yours.”

“Pandas.”

“Pandas? Fucking bears?”

“Yes, but they’re so cute and funny! More particularly, red pandas!”

“What the fuck is a red panda?”

“They’re smaller, and cuter, and well, red. And, they do this thing with their arms when they get scared where -“ She found herself mimicking the motions a red panda would make, noticing the odd way Inuyasha arched his brow at her, and her cheeks flushed embarrassingly. Even more so when he chuckled, but she laughed at herself, putting her arms down. “Never mind, forget that. What’s your favorite season?”

“Summer.”

“Autumn.”

“I thought you’d say Spring.” Inuyasha said, remembering her recent mention of Spring-time colors.

“I mean, Spring is pretty, but Autumn is prettier. When all the leaves change colors and begin to fall, and there’s that relieving nip in the air Summer was never kind enough to provide.”

“Alright, how many siblings do you have? I remember you bringing up your brother once.” He asked, participating in her little game, and Kagome grew visibly happier.

“Just one. My younger brother, Sota. But, my cousin, Miroku, and I are super close, so he’s practically my older brother. We were raised together, and after his dad died, my mom didn’t hesitate to take him in. What about you? Got any siblings?”

“Eh.” Inuyasha gave a small, distasteful grimace. “I mean, technically I’ve got a half brother, but he’s a bitch so not really.”

“Oh, I’m sorry. You two don’t get along?”

“You could say that, but that would be putting it nicely. The douche has hated me since birth and doesn’t consider me family, so he can suck a dick and choke on it. He’s got a massive superiority complex and no actual personality to contribute, so I don’t even fucking care.”

“Well, good riddance.” Kagome huffed in agreement.

“Your turn.”

“Okay, how old are you?”

“Twenty. You’re eighteen, right?”

“Yeah. Nineteen, pretty soon. Speaking of ages, how old is Kaede?”

“Twenty-five or twenty-six, I think.”

“Oh, no way. I thought she was closer to our age.”

“Nah, she’s got a few years on us. She’ll be sprouting wrinkles in no time.”

“Twenty-six isn’t old.” Kagome giggled. “And, even if she does get a few, I’m willing to bet you’re the one that causes them.”

“Hey, I’ll gladly take credit for that.” He laughed.

“You’re so mean. How long have you two known each other?”

“Give or take five years or so.” Inuyasha answered.

“You guys are really close, it seems. Are you…”

“Ew, no.” He cringed, feigning a gag and making Kagome laugh. “I knew that was the next question you were gonna ask. We’re not each other’s type. Frankly, I’m convinced she likes women, but she has neither confirmed nor denied, and it’s none of my damn business.”

“Okay, okay, fair enough.” Kagome conceded, bracing her hands before her to relent. “Sorry I asked.”

“You should be. What about you? You got anyone waiting for you at home?”

“Given the context, I’m assuming you mean a significant other?” Kagome asked.

He grunted to confirm.

“No,” She shook her head, smiling. “No one like that. Just family waiting for me.”

“Which is your mom, cousin, and brother, right?”

“Right.”

“And, your dad passed?”

“Right.”

“How?”

“There was a huge, wild demon attack on my village when I was around twelve. We have a handful of demon slayers now, but several years ago we had less, so in order to defend our village, all capable parties had to fight back. We lost a good number of people that night, both my dad and my uncle included.” Kagome explained. She’d come to terms with the incident, and while she missed her papa so incredibly much, it wasn’t very difficult to talk about anymore.

“Wait, you and your cousin lost your fathers in the same night?”

“Yeah.”

“Fuck.” She could practically hear the apology in his tone. “What about his mom?”

“Died in child birth. He never knew her.” She said. “He’s always had my mom as a maternal figure, and believe you me, she’s got plenty of motherly affection to spare. She’d take in a gnome and give it a home if she could.” Kagome joked.

“That’s an exaggeration, right?”

“Not in the least.” She stated frankly, shaking her head.

“A garden gnome? A clay figurine?”

“I said what I said, Inuyasha. If she could, she would.”

“So, she’s more the sweet and doting parent, huh?”

“No, my dad was.” Kagome laughed. “He hated disciplining us. I swear, sometimes it hurt his feelings to tell us we were in the wrong more than it hurt even us. My mom is sweet, yes, but that also made her more terrifying when she had to get stern.”

“Were you the problem child?” Inuyasha grinned crookedly.

“Nope, that trophy goes to Miroku. He’s a turd. Don’t get me wrong, I got into plenty of trouble, but rarely was I alone in my troublemaking.”

“There’s always a ring leader.” He chuckled.

“What about your parents?”

“Both dead.” Inuyasha said with a meager, one-shouldered shrug. “Old man died before I was even ten, and mom died when I was about fourteen.”

Kagome could tell by the way his amber eyes drifted an inch to the side for a moment, by the way his expression faltered minutely, by the way he didn’t delve further into the subject that it wasn’t a topic he liked to visit. She respected that, and she never wanted to see that pain etched across his face. Just because it was easy to talk about her own father’s death, didn’t mean it was the same for another. And, he’d lost them both. At so young an age, he was completely alone. She hoped she was wrong. She hoped she was being presumptuous. She hoped he had someone to lean on in his time of need.

“Day or night?” Kagome asked, changing their course.

“Day.” Inuyasha answered, once more looking at her.

“Same.”

“Alright, I’ve got one for you.” He said, sitting up a little more with a cunning expression. “Who are you looking for?”

Slowly, Kagome’s face shifted from content, to curious, to surprised, and he could barely bite back his amusement. Her brown eyes were wide but she had yet to say anything or swerve him away from the topic like she had the other night, instead mouth hanging agape, telling him his suspicions were correct.

“I’m assuming you couldn’t tell me before because you’re a conjurer and it’s conjurer-related, right?”

“Inuyasha -“

“Well, if that’s the case, I know you’re a conjurer now. Cat’s out of the bag, kid, so you may as well tell me who you’re after.”

“Why do you want to know so bad?” Kagome nearly laughed. If persistent were a person, she would be looking right at him.

“Your refusal to tell me has made me extraordinarily interested. You did this to yourself.” Inuyasha shrugged carelessly. The way he stared aided in the pressure he added to receive an answer; expectant and pleased.

“You’re so nosy.”

“What’s it gonna hurt?”

“Me, honestly. You’ll most likely think I’m insane, say something rude, then hurt my feelings.” She stated lightly, slightly joking but also serious. In all consideration, this was Inuyasha.

“For you to be insecure about it before even mentioning the details tells me that you, too, think it’s pretty insane. So, since we’re on the same page, just tell me.”

“Yes, but I’m allowed to think that. It’s my business.”

“Okay, fine. I’ll keep my opinions to myself for now.” He compromised.

“For now?”

“Well, I can’t promise forever. Let’s be real, it’s not right to make promises I can’t keep. So, for now is the best I can give you, and I think it’s very generous.”

“Inuyasha, you’re seriously going to think I’m insane.” Kagome grumbled, slightly exasperated as she ducked her head against her knees, pulling her legs in just a smidge closer.

“In all honesty, I kind of already do, so might as well keep the trend going.”

“Yeah, that’ll convince me to tell you.” She murmured sardonically, and he chuckled, still hearing her clearly.

“Come on, Kagome. Who are you after?”

“Kikyo.” Kagome admitted, her tone soft.

“Who?”

She sighed deeply, sitting up and looking at him to speak a little clearer. “I was looking for a woman named Kikyo. Look, it’s complicated and a bit messy, so take that to heart as I elaborate, okay?”

“Alright.” He agreed, giving his undivided attention.

“The other day when I told you I was looking for someone, I was looking for Kikyo. She’s a conjurer. A really strong conjurer.”

“But, that’s changed?”

“What?”

“Well, you keep saying ‘was.’ Have your plans changed?”

“Yes, but only because she told me to stop looking for her and figure things out on my own.” Kagome huffed, frustration budding as she thought back to their conversation in the burning woods.

“When?” His brows furrowed speculatively. “You’ve been with me. Did you bump into her in the few hours we were apart?”

She grimaced prematurely, realizing just how crazy things were about to sound to someone who hadn’t been in her circle since the day things started. “Not quite. See, this is where things get a little weird. Kikyo likes to communicate with me in my… dreams? Subconscience?” Her tone had curved upward to speak of her uncertainty of how to phrase things.

At first, Inuyasha’s right brow arched, and she could see the information she’d just given him seeping in. Then, he blinked a few times, an inquisitive expression taking over before he pinched his lips into a tight line that she could only guess was to prevent him from saying anything judgmental.

“Hm.” He remarked intriguingly.

“Oh my god.” Kagome groaned, rolled her eyes and dropping her head back before pinning him with a warning glare.

“Please, go on.” He insisted, going right back to pressing his lips together, fighting the crinkle at the corners.

Despite how badly she wanted to chuck something at him, he technically wasn’t saying anything rude, so she begrudgingly obliged. “It started about a year ago where she would appear while I was sleeping and tell me, ‘the responsibility is ours.’ Nothing more, nothing less. Just that. At first, her visits were few and far between, but then they came more frequently after about half a year or so, and that’s when she finally took the opportunity to introduce herself. ‘The responsibility is ours.’ ‘Only we can end Naraku.’ ‘Prepare yourself.’ ‘The responsibility is ours.’ ‘The responsibility is ours.’” Kagome quoted, sneering in disbelief as she chuckled at herself. “You know, she’s really awful at explaining things. When you think about it, it’s actually kind of refreshing to see some human quirks in her, because the image I had of her was this perfect, flawless, powerful, unstoppable conjurer who was leading the war against evil. Turns out, she’s got faults too, and one of those happens to be details. Or, the lack thereof.”

“What makes you say that?” Inuyasha’s tone had surprisingly taken on a more serious note, rumbling huskily as he spoke, but he gazed at her patiently while she explained.

“Her repetition, her generalized statements, I thought they were going to all of us. Conjurers, I mean. She said ‘ours’ so many freaking times, and she never once addressed me by name to suggest her message was individualized.”

“But, it was?”

“Apparently.” Kagome scorned. “It wasn’t until the night I left home that she came and actually spoke to me. Every other message was very impersonal, but this time, she said my name. She told me it was time to go, reaffirming my decision to head out. See, I always thought that I’d get a heads up from her that the time was nearing, but after watching the little conjurer get killed, I made the decision on my own. I was so tired. I’m sure you understand what it’s like to be on a hit list and having to hide who you are. Or, hide in general. It’s hard watching how difficult this can be on others, how life has changed over the course of five years, the destruction, the mayhem, the anger, and pain, and hopelessness, and fear. The little girl was the last straw. I should have never allowed it to go that far.”

“Stop. You’re going down a dangerous route. Pull back.” Inuyasha reminded firmly. He could see the emotions written on her face, in the way her eyes had drifted to the floor. It’s easy to believe mistakes are your own fault, especially detrimental ones. When you’re involved, it’s exceedingly more difficult to remember the blame belongs solely to the perpetrators.

“It’s true, though.” She whispered.

“So, it fueled you to take a step forward?”

“Yeah.” Still, her voice was barely evident, but as she glanced up at the hanyou, she noticed his stare, his vivid and glowing eyes were trying to guide her away from the harmful aspects of the subject. And, she took his hand, following his lead as she swallowed thickly to figuratively push negative thoughts away and continue on with her story, her voice returning to normal. “Yes. Even though the plan wouldn’t be carried out as it had originally been constructed, I felt like I had to do something immediately. I dozed off waiting for the right time to slip out, meaning everyone would be asleep, and there she was. Kikyo was right outside my house in my dream, telling me to get up and go. She even said my name, which, until that point, I didn’t know she knew. Next time I saw her was two nights ago while I was with you. She yelled at me.”

Inuyasha chuckled lightly at the casual way Kagome slipped that in. “For what?”

“Getting myself into trouble with you.” She laughed, bowing her head in shame. “She didn’t like that too much.”

“How’d she even know?”

“She’s got a pet snake. Let’s just leave it at that. That’s a whole other story for a different day.” Kagome dismissed with a wave of her hand, grimacing. “That was when she told me to stop looking for her, though. She let me know it was just she and I against Naraku.” Kagome paused, letting her own words sink in with herself. Suddenly, a wave of turbulence jostled her mind, releasing a belated reaction to the reality of her situation. “It’s absurd. Oh my god, it’s - it’s absurd. All this time, I thought she was building an army, and it’s just she and I! And, we can’t be near each other, otherwise Naraku will find out and we’ll be, as she claimed, ‘sitting ducks.’ What’s even crazier is she said she’s the distraction and I’m the weapon. What does that even mean!? A weapon!? I get my ass beat three days in a row, but yeah, sure, I’m the secret weapon that’s going to take down this supreme madman. Logic - out the window! Stop looking at me like that!”

“You’re going a little nuts over there; you can hardly blame me.”

“Can you blame me?”

“I feel like you’ve been sitting on this information for a couple days and it’s just now hitting you.” Inuyasha stated warily.

“That’s because it is!” Kagome declared, flustered.

“You told me I would think you’re insane. I was prepared for insane, so why weren’t you?”

“Because, I was focused on the fact that it’s weird to have someone casually strolling in and out of your subconscience. I hadn’t thought about how crazy it would sound that I’m a weapon in a party of two destined to fight Naraku. And, what about this responsibility thing? How is this my responsibility? Is it because I’m a conjurer? I mean, I’m here. I’m going to fight. I volunteered either way. I just want to know when and how this became obligatory! Make it make sense, Kikyo!”

“You’re…” Inuyasha paused, gathering Kagome’s reaction in, her irate demeanor, her body language and the way she expressed herself with flinging arms. “Whining.”

“I’m upset!”

“Alright, alright! Never thought I’d say this, but I miss your broken voice. You get all high-pitched when you’re freaking out. It’s like listening to a whistle.”

“I can get louder!” She threatened.

“Please do not.” He flinched at the thought, ears pressing back against his head. “Look, if it’s any consolation, I don’t think you’re insane for any of the listed reasons you gave.”

Though she still appeared aggravated and conflicted, Kagome steadily began to settle. She appreciated the way Inuyasha wasn’t judging her for the things that now had her feeling like she was teetering on the edge of a cliff. She appreciated the way his gaze held stable on her, and how it inadvertently seemed to stabilize her own emotions. “You don’t?”

“Not really. I think you’re a little insane for not processing everything sooner and then having a moment right now, but honestly that’s not all that surprising to me anymore.”

Kagome took the pillow he’d thrown at her earlier and tossed it right back at him with as much fervor as she could muster. The half demon grabbed the pillow in time, easily defending himself and laughing.

“Tell me when I would have had the time, Inuyasha.”

“Uh, in the time we were apart.” He suggested mockingly.

“I had thought about it, yes, but it was more about my next move. I’d always thought my goal would be to find Kikyo. Find Kikyo, and the rest of the path is laid out before you. Then, just like that, everything had changed, and I had to determine where I was going next. I mean, I thought I had processed everything then and I was just taking it super well.”

“That doesn’t sound like you.”

“Excuse me?”

“You don’t seem to be the extremely rational or logical type who understands the situation immediately. You’re more emotion-driven, so of course it’s not going to sink in until you really get the opportunity to feel the issue out.”

He was right. Kagome hated that he was right, but he was right. Even more so, she hated that he’d figured her out in just two day’s time and she couldn’t bounce a you don’t know me off of him. Her cheeks flushed furiously, heat flooding over, and she couldn’t determine if it was because she was frustrated or flabbergasted.

“Yeah? Well, you’re immature and just as emotional as I am. You react irrationally, and you probably act before you think.” Kagome countered.

“All true, but this isn’t about me.” He smirked.

It was the way her comment just rolled right off of him, the way he agreed, the way he grinned, the way he teased her that interestingly had her attitude crumbling away, bringing her to laugh no matter how badly she’d attempted to fight it off. Kagome had told herself nothing was funny, pressed her mouth shut, and tried to force herself to stay mad, but it didn’t matter. It all melted away, and she laughed. Truth was, it was funny. It was so chaotic, it was humorous. Kagome had just absolutely freaked out while telling her own story, and the half demon opposite her could only stare at her awkwardly and essentially tell her to chill the fuck out. She was the one that was supposed to be telling him that. He was supposed to be calling her crazy for thinking some ethereal woman was visiting her to give her some “chosen one” arc, and he merely thought she was crazy because she was just now realizing what this all meant. When and how did things get so turned around?

Honestly, Kagome felt she should stop asking questions like that. At this point in time, there was no making sense of things. There was simply going with the flow and taking it all with a grain of salt, because she had a huge feeling things wouldn’t be lining up for a while.

“So, this Kikyo. Is this the Kikyo?” Inuyasha asked, and Kagome’s expression sort of lit up.

“You’ve heard of her, too?”

“Vaguely. I don’t know much about her, but I know she’s widely hated in the demon community. The demon’s for Naraku, that is. Makes sense that she’s a conjurer, I guess.”

“Yeah, that’s sort of what got me into massive trouble with Naraku’s henchmen.” Kagome watched Inuyasha’s brows furrow in question, so she took the opportunity to give him more context. “The little girl, she was so scared. I just wanted to give her some hope, so I told her Kikyo was going to kill Naraku and the conjurers would win. Turns out, I’d said it a little too loud. There was so much commotion, and I didn’t realize I was within earshot of one of the demons, and that’s when he manhandled me.” She said, exhibiting her fading neck bruise with a glide of her hand. “This was when I thought she was communicating with all conjurers, though. Neither the girl nor her mother knew what I was talking about, so I had to lie my way out of it.”

“You had good intentions. I’d say it was worth it.”

“Yeah. I don’t regret it.” Kagome gave a small smile.

“You said Kikyo was strong?”

“I mean, she has to be. Don’t you think? With the way she can talk to me, with how she’s been surviving all this time, and she’s even got a reputation with Naraku. To me, that says she’s extremely powerful.”

“But yet, she’s the distraction and you’re the weapon.” Inuyasha stated more than asked.

“Yeah, I don’t get it either.”

“Did you bother asking for clarification?”

“I did. She said I’m supposed to be stronger than her. According to her, I just need to stop holding back and apply myself.”

“Bullshit.” He shot, feeling defensive over Kagome. “That’ll get you killed. You didn’t hold back yesterday, and look what happened to you. There’s so much fucking more that goes into learning how to control your power; it isn’t just about not holding back.”

“Well, I think she meant it more along the lines of holding myself back. Maybe that’s what she said - I don’t know, it’s hard to remember our conversation clearly. When I was training with Miroku and Sango, I would have to really control how much power I released to make sure nothing stood out among the villagers. Like, we couldn’t be completely demon-attack-free, because that would be conspicuous. Because of that, I never really got a good feel of what I could do besides fend off one or two demons at a time.”

“Doesn’t matter. It’s in the same realm, Kagome. Apply yourself, sure. But, you and I have both seen what not holding yourself back can and will do to you. No, you didn’t know what would happen, but now that you do and you’re aware of what you’re capable of, you need to make sure your body can handle that. I don’t know what sort of training course she endured to get herself where she is, and I sure as hell don’t fucking know her strength firsthand, but I know yours. She wants you to catch up to her, and I get that the pressure is on, but the expectations aren’t fucking fair. Did she even tell you how to handle your power?”

“No. I asked her to train me and she said she couldn’t because of the whole sitting duck thing.”

“So, it’s up to you to figure it out on your own?”

“Basically. And, it’d be damn near impossible to find another conjurer to help.”

“Right. Her standards are fucking unrealistic as shit.”

“Inuyasha, why are you so upset?” Kagome asked, slightly taken aback. His jaw had flexed and he seemed irrationally peeved for her situation.

“I’m not.” He declared unconvincingly.

“You’re mad.”

“She’s going to get you killed, Kagome. And, for what? You don’t even fucking know why you’re involved.”

“Because, I’m a conjurer.”

“And?”

“I know, Inuyasha. This is confusing for me, too. Now, you can understand why I wasn’t handing things too well a moment ago.” She said, her temperament spiking once more. She wasn’t nearly at the level she sat at before, nor was she matching Inuyasha’s attitude, but she still huffed in agreement. It was trivial and terrifying, and if she just knew more about the situation, maybe she’d feel a little better about things, but she had so little to go off of while monumental events stood before her. The expectations were drastic while her experience was limited, and again, nothing was matching up.

“Why were you so concerned about me thinking you were insane when Kikyo’s right fucking there? She should at least be required to give you a reason as to why she’s filling out your will for you.”

“I told you she’s not great with detail. She even admitted she’s been told she could be more direct.”

“This isn’t the fucking time to play guessing games. If there’s a question she knows the answer to, she should just fucking answer it.”

“But, we’re two different people and maybe spiritual powers aren’t the same for each individual. Playing devil’s advocate, maybe there isn’t one specific path we can all follow in learning how to control our powers because it’s different for everyone.”

“Did she tell you that, herself?”

“Well, no -“

“Exactly.”

“Inuyasha, what I’m saying is, she can’t know everything. Like I said before, it was refreshing to see some human characteristics from her, because she came off so flawless and omniscient. Maybe, she couldn't give me more than what she had because she doesn’t know what I need to do in order to catch up.”

“Have you seen her powers at work?”

“No, I haven’t. But, take her reputation into consideration.”

“Oh, I am. Believe me, I am. You don’t make an enemy like that without some sort of immeasurability.”

“Right. I really don’t know where I come into the picture, but I have to trust Kikyo in this. She’s an enemy of the enemy, we share the same fate, so if we’re the only ones who can face Naraku, then I’ll do it.”

“That’s the thing, though. You’re wrong. You’re both wrong.”

“What do you mean?”

“You aren’t the only ones who can fight him. Not even close. Naraku’s strong, yes, but he’s no god. No matter how delusional he is in thinking so, he’s not immortal. Naraku’s nothing but a self-created half demon.” Inuyasha stated, watching Kagome’s expression widen. “There are plenty of others who plan on fighting against him. It’s all about finding the motherfucker first. If there’s anything he’s good at, it’s hiding.”

It took a moment for Kagome to really process what he’d just said. Naraku wasn’t a full-blooded demon? He was a half demon? There were others, just like she’d initially suspected. In the span of thirty seconds, Kagome had received enough information to stun her.

“First - first of all, how did you know that?” She asked, completely dumbfounded.

“Infiltration. I passed him once. Won’t work again. It was towards the very beginning of his rise, and skipping over the minor details, I got a glimpse of him at his most vulnerable.”

“Wait, no, don’t skip over any details! Please!”

“Kagome, it doesn’t fucking matter. I’m telling you what does. He was causing hell, I snuck in, I found out that he’s a half demon.”

“Does he know you know?”

“I’d be dead if he did. No, he doesn’t know I know. Every half demon’s got a monthly moment of weakness where their human state takes over, and his was disgusting and inhuman. I don’t know what the fuck he did to become the creature he is, but because he was incapacitated, he didn’t even realize I was there. I was young, and I had my mother -“ He halted, redirecting his sentence. “I had other things to take into consideration. So, I didn’t do anything. Couldn’t. It was risky enough sneaking in; I couldn’t take any chances. For the first time in my life, I was too rational for my own good. I had the opportunity and backed out. And, it’s my one regret in life.”

“What? Why?”

“Look at all the hell he’s brought since then, Kagome.”

“That’s not your fault.”

“I could have prevented all of this if I had just killed him then.”

“Inuyasha, you were a kid.”

“It doesn’t fucking matter.”

“Of course, it does. Not to mention, a guy like him would never fully let his guard down. There may always be someone at his side watching, and you could have died. Your younger self considered that then and turned around. No one would blame you for that. I certainly don’t. If you had someone or something important to think about, then you did the right thing by leaving Naraku alone.” Kagome attested.

“Whatever. Forget it.” He sighed heatedly. “The point is, I’m after Naraku, too. I know an entire tribe who wants his head. I know humans who would pay to have him killed. This is Naraku we’re talking about, he’s made nothing but enemies. So, Kikyo needs to chill out with this whole the responsibility is ours shit.”

Kagome sat on all of that for a moment, taking in Inuyasha’s steadfast glare and hardened brow, his set jaw and hardly-noticeable frown, the same determination she’d like to claim she, herself, radiated. He was after Naraku. Inuyasha, the first person she’d met on her journey, was also after Naraku. Maybe that’s why she was so interested in him when they’d first met, maybe that was why she wasn’t as afraid of him as she knew she should have been. Maybe her intuition was telling her he was more than trustworthy, and more than just an ally. Maybe it was fated for them to meet.

It wasn’t something she felt bold enough to mention aloud, though. Fate was a controversial topic, and at this point, it was nothing more than a fleeting contemplation. Throwing the thought out there would surely get her weirder looks than she’d already received, and with how tense things were in the room, Kagome didn’t know if it was the right thing to talk about at the moment. She needed to deliberate on it. She needed to see how it settled in her gut before bringing anything to Inuyasha’s attention.

“The - uh - the second thing I’d wanted to ask was sort of answered already, but I just want to make sure I’ve got it all.” Kagome prefaced. “You said you saw Naraku in a debilitated state, right? That he was in his weakened, human form, but was also… inhuman?”

“I don’t know how to describe it, if that’s what you’re looking for. It was sort of like his head was basking in a jumbled mess of demon intestines.”

She wavered in a disgusted manner.

“Yeah, I know.” He remarked.

“So, that made you think he’s a half demon?”

“No, that let me know he was a half demon. An unnatural one.” Inuyasha stated pridefully. “Trust me, Kagome, if anyone’s able to tell, it’s me.”

“That’s fair. So, are you part of a group prepared to take him on?”

The hanyou scoffed, shaking his head as a small smirk appeared across his face, golden eyes blinking to the side. “No fucking way. Do I look like a groupie to you? I do things on my own, in my own way, and in the end it’s going to be half breed against half breed.”

“Wait, you’re committed to a solo mission, but you’re against mine and Kikyo’s?”

“Yes and no. I’m against yours because you don’t know what you’re doing at no fault of your own. I’m against yours because you’re being told to leap when you haven’t even learned how to jump, and you’re prepared to do so because you’re naive enough to think someone knows what’s best for you just because they’re another conjurer. I don’t care if you, or Kikyo, or anyone else makes it to the battle field. In fact, if you do, even better. It can be an all out war for all I care. What I’m saying is, it’s going to be me that brings Naraku’s era to an end.”

Kagome had to respect his pugnacity. If he did get the final blow, he’d definitely deserve that victory. No matter what, it would be a win for everyone.

He was right, she didn’t know what she was doing. Yet. Kikyo was holding things off until Kagome was ready, and she was more than willing to give the stronger conjurer the benefit of the doubt. She said she had potential, but Kagome was willing to bet that not even Kikyo knew she had the power she’d exhibited yesterday under her belt. Kagome had to focus on learning how to handle it, and she would. She’d go from where she was comfortable and begin pushing forward. She’d take the power she regularly used in her routine training with Miroku and Sango and present more until she found her natural limit. That was where she’d exercise it until her body was adjusted. Until that boundary became comfortable so that she could then push that. It was all a matter of time, and Kagome would be sure to catch up. It wasn’t Kikyo’s will anymore. It was her own.

“Look,” Inuyasha spoke lowly. “I gave you information I’ve never given to anyone else before. Don’t go telling anyone Naraku’s a half demon, I’m serious. Tell that to the wrong person and it’ll get you killed faster than you can imagine. I want to believe you’ll go far, but you’ve gotta be smart about shit.”

Kagome nodded, “I understand. I won’t tell anyone other than Kikyo.”

“Good. You should go to sleep.”

“No, I’m okay.” She shook her head. She felt wide awake, and there was no way she’d be able to sleep after receiving all of that information. She needed to sort it all out and file it away categorically. She needed to make sure she remembered every minor detail Inuyasha had kindly given her. She needed to remember his defensiveness over her own conflicting situation. It was one thing for him to call her names, which she half expected at this point, but she never pictured him expressing passion over an issue that didn’t belong to him. Inuyasha, though rough around the edges, was truly a good person. And, it helped aid in her drive. “I basically slept from last night until this evening. I’m tired of being in bed.”

“I don’t care. You may feel better, but you still look exhausted. If I were you, I’d take advantage that you have the option. At least lay down.”

Again, he was right. Kagome unfurled from her spot on the chair, looking at the futon on the floor as she leaned to head in that direction.

“No.” He stopped her, his tone more demanding than necessary. “Take the bed.” Inuyasha stood, pointing to the mattress.

“I don’t mind the futon.”

“I didn’t ask.”

“You should take the bed tonight.”

“I’m most likely not going to sleep.”

“If I were you, I’d take advantage that you have the option.” Kagome echoed, deepening her voice almost derisively.

“I wasn’t the one puking my brains out last night.” Inuyasha growled. “Get your dumbass in the bed.”

“It’s not that I don’t want the bed, I just think that it would be more fair if I took the futon.”

“Are you really arguing about being fair right now?”

“You slept on it last night, so tonight you deserve the bed.”

“I don’t want the bed.”

“Well, I want the futon.” Kagome laughed, dropping to her knees on the cushion and crawling over it.

“I said, take the bed.” Inuyasha growled deeper, stomping over to the infuriating woman.

“No!”

“Yes!”

“Stop! Don’t touch me!”

“Last chance!” He warned, but she gave no signs that she’d scamper away, so the hanyou grabbed Kagome around her waist, pulled her up like a sack of rice, and tossed her over his shoulder, all the while she was laughing and yelping.

“Put me - ouch! Put me down!”

“Alright.” He muttered as he dropped her on the mattress.

Kagome was quick to grab the end of her gown, making sure it didn’t expose too much of her legs as she was bounced on the bed. “God, your shoulder is freaking bony.” She groaned.

Inuyasha fought back his grin, instead shooting up both middle fingers at her. Kagome grimaced mockingly in retort, adjusting herself to sit up.

“Why are you so aggressive? Wait, no! How’s your shoulder? You didn’t open the wound doing that, did you?” She asked, her attitude quickly shifting from teasing to concerned.

“It’s fine.” Inuyasha rolled his eyes, strolling back over to the futon. “I told you it’d be fine. I checked it a little while ago. There’s no chance of it opening again.”

“Is it still bandaged?”

“Shut up.”

“Is it still bandaged?” She repeated, a little more pressingly.

“Yes, Kagome. It’s bandaged. I changed them and everything.” He replied, kicking off his boots and laying down. “This may come as a surprise to you, but I do know how to take care of myself.”

“God forbid someone shows that they care about you.” Kagome grumbled, rolling her eyes just as he would. She turned around, pulling down the blankets so she could crawl beneath and get comfortable.

“I don’t need you to care about me.”

“Well, too bad, buddy. You got it.”

“Go to sleep.”

“Is it really so bad to have someone care about you? Are you scared or something?” Kagome jokingly taunted.

Yes, he was. He was terrified of her. And, she needed to shut the fuck up while she was still ahead, because she’ll never know a damn thing about it.

“I’m glad your shoulder is better.” She mentioned after a small moment, dropping all edge to her tone. “And, I’m sorry I noticed it so late.”

Kagome didn’t mind the silence. She didn’t mind his gruffness. Well, she did, but in this circumstance, she really didn’t find it offensive. He had his own unconventional way of showing he cared, and she had a more surface-level way of expressing it. Inuyasha was a good person. He really was. She liked to imagine he forced her to take the bed because it was more comfortable, and that simple act alone showed just how kind he was beneath the surface.

“Inuyasha,” Kagome spoke softly, cuddling into her pillows after freeing her hair from the messy knot it was in.

“Hm?” He grunted.

“You mentioned your mother when you said you saw Naraku in his vulnerable form.”

“No, I didn’t.” Inuyasha stated, very direct in his way of maneuvering the topic away from that. He rested on the futon, his shirt now untucked for a little more comfort, uncovered, and an arm resting behind his head. His amber eyes stared at the ceiling, a bristling sensation running over his skin at the mention of his mother.

“No, no, I’m not going to ask anything personal. I promise.” Kagome swore, worrying her bottom lip as she sensed Inuyasha’s discontent. She’d observed the way he’d corrected himself when initially mentioning his mom, and it was easy to understand that it wasn’t something he was willing to casually discuss. Nor would she think it was her place to make him. “It just had me thinking of the timeframe of things.”

“What?”

“Well, Naraku became known about five years ago, right? Four and a half, maybe? But, your mother died when you were fourteen, which was -“

“Six years ago, yes.” He said. “What, did you think Naraku just rose from the earth and started wreaking havoc? Everyone’s got a beginning, a middle, and an end, Kagome. Even he had to start somewhere.”

She felt stupid for not considering that. Kagome should have pieced together that Naraku wouldn’t just wake up one morning and decide to become a serial killer or commit genocide. He had a beginning. Before the rise she knew from him, he was still around, still perpetrating evil acts, they just went unknown to those outside of the circle it happened within.

“Can I ask one more question?”

“Something tells me you’re going to no matter what, so go for it.” Inuyasha responded.

She stifled her giggle. “How much is the room?”

“Hm?”

“How much is Kaede going to charge you for the room?”

“What does it matter?”

“I’d like to contribute.” Kagome stated matter-of-factly. “I have some money, and it’s not right to expect you to pay for it all.”

“It’s fine.” He said, closing his eyes. “I don’t care about that.”

“Inuyasha -“

“Seriously. It’s not a big deal. I already paid the wage, so don’t worry about it.”

“That was - that was really nice of you. You didn’t have to do that. Thank you so much.” Kagome smiled.

“I have my moments. Will you go to sleep now?” It came as more of an instruction than a legitimate question that needed answering, so Kagome sighed out and closed her eyes, snuggling into her quilt as she pulled it closer to her face.

It was surprising what a little comfort could do for her right now. In the span of mere minutes, she went from wide awake to significantly drowsy. Kagome had thought she’d be laying there for hours, but just like that, in the warmth of the bed, in the softness of the blankets, of the fresh nightgown she wore, in the safety and security beneath both Inuyasha’s and Kaede’s protection, Kagome grew heavy in her spot before drifting into slumber.

—

The conjurer gazed at herself in the mirror in the bathroom. The mark around her neck was a soft hint of yellow, and while she felt it was gross the more she stared at it, it was also hardly noticeable anymore. Distracting herself, Kagome brushed her hair, then finished tightening and tying off her bodice, her shirt beneath slightly bunching, which she straightened out the best she could.

There was a violent flurry of butterflies in her abdomen, and nothing she’d done had yet to quell them. After letting the notion from last night really settle and sink in, Kagome honestly felt like it was true. This was fated to happen. Coincidence wasn’t this particular. He’d saved her, kept her with him - forcefully, of course, let her go, only for something to happen that made them rejoin. Lo and behold, she finds out they’re literally on the same course. So, why not do it together? It made sense to her, and it was the first thing in a long time that made sense. Now, she just needed to make it make sense to Inuyasha.

With one final, deep breath, Kagome opened the door to exit the bathroom, finding Inuyasha facing out the window. He was dressed, his sword attached to his hip, and his light hair pulled back into a ponytail that hung long. He’d said they’d get ready, have breakfast, then head out on their own, so she figured he was waiting for her.

“Hey,” Kagome started, trying not to bob from foot-to-foot nervously. She didn’t understand why, exactly, she was so uneasy about asking this. It was a simple yes or no question, if you thought about it. The worst he could say was no, and then she’d move on with her life. “I’ve been thinking…”

“Uh-oh. That’s never good.” He teased, looking over his shoulder.

“Ha-ha.” Kagome rolled her eyes. “Look, we’re both after the same thing, right? We both want to take down Naraku. Well, don’t you think it’d be more efficient if we did it together?”

There was a minor twitch in his brows, the corners of his lips arching downward before he spoke, turning around to fully face her. “What makes you think that?”

“I’ve never thought it would be wise for anyone to face this lunatic on their own. Personally, that was never actually in my plan. I don’t care what Kikyo says; the more we have on our side, the better. I don’t picture Naraku as invincible, but I also don’t want to underestimate him, either. He’s got this reputation for a reason. He’s capable of killing off so many for a reason. To think that a single person could potentially be responsible for his demise is a stretch. So, if we have the same goal in mind, why don’t we do this together? Instead of going out on our own after breakfast, I think we should team up. What do you say?”

Inuyasha stared at her for a second, his lips sealed shut as he hardened himself. Travel with Kagome? Keep things going as they are? No, in fact, it’d end up being more personal. She’d be by his side, she’d fight by his side, they’d go into battle together, be a team. He couldn’t have that.

It wasn’t about how much he hated the idea of banding together with someone to complete an objective. It wasn’t even about how much he’d never enjoyed the concept of relying on someone else. It was about how uncomfortable he'd started feeling around her. How unsettled he got whenever she smiled at him, how warm or welcoming her energy felt, and how off-putting that was to him. It was about the fact that Inuyasha felt it growing easier and easier to joke around and view her as an actual person as opposed to just some measly girl he met wandering in the woods at the most inopportune time.

Kagome was sensible, he’d give her that. But, it was better for him to remain alone. For his own sake. He had a feeling Kagome would grow argumentative if he said a simple decline, though, so he planned to make the notion completely undesirable for her.

“Not interested.” Inuyasha stated with a curl of his upper lip. “Do I look like a bodyguard to you?”

“What? No, that’s not -“

“I know that’s not what you meant, but that’s what would end up happening. We met how long ago? And, how many times have I saved your ass? Don’t think I see that as mere happenstance; I can tell that it’s a trend with you. You’ve always gotta have someone there to cover for you when you get in over your head, which is most likely way more often than you’re willing to admit. Probably why you originally had your cousin and friend enlisted to come with you. Speaking of which, you said your cousin’s got a broken rib, right? Got it from trying to protect you from Naraku’s demons? See where I’m going with this? No way am I signing myself up for that bullshit.”

An icy sensation began creeping over Kagome as each word he spoke struck her in her most sensitive insecurities. Was this really what he thought of her? One second, he admired her strength, but now all of a sudden, she was too weak to even take care of herself?

“I - I saved you, too.” Was all she could say in that moment. She deserved her fair share of credit. Inuyasha didn’t get the right to be impressed only to malign her out of nowhere.

“Sure,” He shrugged his brows, unaffected. There was a small sneer within his tone, and she caught it loud and clear. “And, I had to turn around and pull you out of there before you got yourself caught and killed. In my opinion, that negates your effort.”

“Hey!”

“No, Kagome. You’d only end up slowing me down and holding me back. Worse, you might even get me killed. You’re hopeless. You don’t know what you’re doing. Why would I want to keep that around?”

Kagome could only flinch at his harsh statements, each sentence punching her, burning her, creating a heavy weight within her stomach that brought it to sink lower and lower.

“I’m not going to squander all of my crusades to protect you. I’m not going to waste my fucking time keeping you alive when you’re nothing but a magnet for trouble.” He didn’t believe a word he said. In fact, he’d never meant to go quite this far. All of it just tumbled from his mouth, meaningless, but he could see that it held plenty of meaning for the woman opposite him. No matter. He was in too deep, and there was no way she’d want to team up with him now. “Kagome, you left home how many days ago? Four? Five? It’s been less than a fucking week, and look where the fuck you are. I said I wouldn’t say anything rude last night, and I kept my promise, but it’s a new day. Want to know what I really think? You’re a fucking idiot. You can’t do anything right. Not on your own. You cant even protect yourself, so it’s not right of you to expect me to do it for you. If Kikyo won’t even take you, what makes you think I will?”

Just like that, he regretted everything. He’d gone too far with that one. He’d said way more than necessary. He should have stopped when he realized he was pushing it. He should have stopped prior to that. Kagome was crushed, he could see the pain in her eyes. There was no taking back something like that, though, and he couldn’t stand to look at her right now. So, Inuyasha spun around on his heel, once again looking out the window.

He’d just reaffirmed every negative thing she’d been thinking about herself. She thought she was a failure, and so did he. She thought she was helpless, and so did he. She thought she was ridiculous for thinking she could take on this large of a mission, and so did he. So did he. She thought they were friends, she thought they had a mutual respect for each other, but apparently he thought even less of her than she even did.

It was so incredibly hard to pick her head up in that moment. It was so difficult to tell herself that she could do what she’d come to do, that everything that had occurred was a series of unfortunate events that no one could have ever predicted, that she’ll get better with time and experience and practice, and when it came down to it, she’d be as fearsome as she once believed she was meant to be. She couldn’t do it. Not right now. Not when his words still swam in her mind, repeating themselves, solidifying her weaknesses and insecurities. Kagome felt worthless. She felt vile. She felt horrible and admonished.

The pain was thick, but the last thing she would ever do was allow Inuyasha the satisfaction of thinking he was right. Kagome wouldn’t let him to see her cry. Just beneath that sadness, that hurt, sat a bubbling layer of anger. How dare he? Who the hell did this guy think he was? No one gets to speak to her that way. It didn’t matter if they were right, it didn’t matter if they’d saved her life more than once, none of that was relevant. That did not give them the justification to speak down to her like she was nothing.

If he didn’t want to be partners, fine. A simple no would have sufficed, but fine. If he didn’t want to be friends, then good. Neither did she. Good riddance. If he didn’t like her, then that was his prerogative. She was still a person with feelings, a person with a good heart, a person who deserved at least an ounce of respect, so she’d do the right thing and be the one to respect herself. It was more beneficial than expecting the bare minimum from a guy as disagreeable as Inuyasha.

Kagome notched her chin upward, sucking in a heated breath as she turned around. There was no way in hell she was sitting through breakfast with Inuyasha, or even spending one more worthless moment in his presence. Her time would be better spent getting as far away from him as physically possible. The other side of the planet would do.

She found her bag and weapons in the corner, crouching before it all and reaching into the pouch. Her medical supplies were already stored away, everything was arranged, but she reached in and yanked out Inuyasha’s stupid, red robe, dropping it on the futon. Then she grabbed her little sack of money, pulling out a few coins that she felt was more than enough to cover her share. Kagome pulled the drawstring tight, strapped her bag over her shoulders, then her quiver of arrows, followed by her bow.

The remorse sat heavily on Inuyasha’s shoulders, within his abdomen. He hated everything he’d said, hated more so that he’d hurt her so easily. So quickly. She was feisty and quick to argue, so it shocked him when she could barely say anything in return. Kagome hardly attempted to contradict his false statements. Was there a chance she thought the same of herself? Was there a chance she was fighting herself over what she’d been through? No, it didn’t make sense. There was no way that was the case, because even he couldn’t convince himself that anything he’d claimed was true. She knew herself better than he did, so there was no way she’d succumb to believe a damn thing he’d just said. He’d probably just scraped her feelings a bit. Kagome seemed to be on the sensitive side.

It was wrong of him to jump to his decision so quickly, he knew that. Even worse was going down the irrational route he had out of anxiety. Truth was, mere seconds after saying all he had, he couldn’t find any actual harm in traveling together. If it was just because he wasn’t mentally prepared to rely on another, to think well of another, to potentially be any amount of vulnerable around another, then it really had nothing to do with her. Inuyasha should sit on it, think it through. He should consider the pros and cons and determine the right road to head down. Maybe even take things by trial. If they mesh well, if they can keep up with one another, then maybe it wouldn’t be so horrible.

He could hear her grabbing her things. Who would want to stick around after something like that? He could hardly blame her. No matter how much he wanted to stop her and tell her to calm down, he was in no position to do so. They needed space. He’d gone way over the line from the moment he’d opened his fucking mouth. Chances are, she wouldn’t get far. He could sniff her out easily; he’d gotten plenty used to her scent by now. She could go storm off all she wanted, get some fresh air, be as mad as she needed to be, and he’d catch up later to set things straight.

At the bang of her hand against the tabletop next to the bed, Inuyasha whipped his head around to look over his shoulder. Kagome pierced him with a dangerous glare, her fist atop the wood clenched tight until it opened to release a decent amount of money, the coins clinking as they hit one another. Her plush lips were pressed into a deadly frown, and her brows were deeply furrowed. Everything about her radiated a loathing rage, the hurt he’d gifted fuming passionately within her.

Before he could speak, even say her name, she beat him to the punch. Kagome was ready to leave, her cheeks a furious shade.

“Go fuck yourself.” She seethed, turning around and slamming the door on her way out.

Kagome wanted to be hasty in leaving Inuyasha’s energy behind, but she still needed to appear as composed as remotely possible for the time being. There were no doubt people in the pub below, Kaede included, and the last thing she wanted was to announce her upset for all to see. She didn’t like being an open book for just anybody to read, and it was no one else’s business. As much as she wanted to simply walk out and never look back, Kaede didn’t deserve that unwarranted treatment. Just before the sole of her boots hit the floor of the bottom step, Kagome took a deep breath, and with her slow, meditative exhale, she planted a smile on her face.

It was a good thing, too. As she stepped out of the hall into the entrance area, just beside the long counter that led to the barstools and dining room, she spotted Kaede scribbling notes into her guestbook. Kaede lifted her head, and as her good eye landed on Kagome, she greeted her with a smile, closing the book and setting down her pen to give her proper attention.

“Good morning. How are you feeling?” The inn keeper asked.

“Never better. You’re amazing.” Kagome complimented, her grin widening as she approached the counter. “Next time I visit, I want to hear more about what you can do.”

“Oh, don’t say that. You’ll boost my ego too much, and then my head will be too big to fit through any doors.” Kaede laughed, waving her hand gingerly.

“It’s well-deserved, Kaede. Thank you so much.”

“Please don’t thank me anymore. You said enough thank you’s yesterday to last a lifetime, sweetie.”

“Okay, okay, I’ll stop.” Kagome giggled.

“So, what’ll you have for breakfast?” Kaede inquired, raising her brows.

“Oh, nothing. I’m actually heading out. I just wanted to say goodbye.”

“You’re leaving?” The inn keeper questioned, her expression falling slightly. In the momentary silence where Kagome only answered with a small nod of her head, Kaede looked back over toward the empty doorway that led to the inn portion of her building. “Where’s Inuyasha?”

“Still upstairs.” Kagome said. “He should be down soon, but either way, we’re parting. I already said my thanks, and he was a bit busy, so I figured I’d just get a head start instead of awkwardly waiting around.” She tried to keep her tone as casual as possible, giving herself mental reminders along the way to keep the pleasant smile on her face.

“Busy doing what?”

“I’m not sure. I didn’t want to intrude. Seemed like he was studying his sword or something; I forgot its name. Anyway, I’ll be off.”

“And, you’ll be careful?”

“Of course. I’m heading home now.”

“Home?”

“Yeah.” She didn’t know why she’d said that. The lie came out of nowhere, but it was getting harder to remain nonchalant. Her heart was still throbbing, and she felt like Kaede had grown suspicious of something just because Inuyasha wasn’t by her side. There was no reason for that, but Kagome could feel the spike in disturbance. She needed to keep Kaede from asking if everything was alright, which she could tell was probably on the tip of her tongue, so Kagome hoped that her cheap excuse of going home would be enough to make Kaede think that Inuyasha didn’t need to be a part of this since they had no reason to be associated with one another from this point forward. “If I get going now, I should be back in my village by this evening.”

“That’s a pretty long journey for one day.”

“Eh, it’s not so bad.” Kagome shrugged.

“And, you’re sure you’re feeling alright? I can give you some medicine for the road; I’ve got plenty extra.” Kaede offered.

“Oh, no thank you. Believe me, I wouldn’t lie to you about this. I’m perfectly fine now.”

“Alright, I’m just a little worried about you pushing yourself right now.” She tilted her head, analyzing the girl before her. Something wasn’t lining up. Something was off, but it felt wrong to speak up about it. Maybe it was just her concern getting the better of her.

“You have nothing to worry about, Kaede. It’s nothing but a long walk. I’ll take breaks, I’ll stay hydrated, and I’ll get a long night’s rest the moment I get home. If it comes down to it, I’ll break it up into two days and camp out if I feel over exerted, but I don’t think that’ll be entirely necessary.”

“Alright, I trust you. Will you at least take some food for the road?”

“I’m not very hungry.”

“I know I phrased that as a question, but I really wasn’t asking.” The inn keeper smirked, tapping her fingernails on the countertop impatiently. “You’re taking some food with you. I’ll be right back.”

Without another word, Kaede headed around the bend into the kitchen. It was only a small moment later when she reappeared, and in her hands, she held two large, wrapped pastries with some sort of frosted coating on top.

“Cinnamon rolls for the cinnamon roll.” Kaede giggled. “That should be enough to snack on.”

“Thank you so much.” Kagome smiled.

“Turn around, I’ll put these in your bag for you.” She said, coming from behind the counter. She opened the pouch and dropped them on top of her things, pulling the bag shut and securing it tightly. “You be safe, Kagome. And, come back whenever you want. You’re always welcome here.”

“I will. I’ll definitely visit again. Next time, under better circumstances.”

“I’ll hold you to that.” Kaede smiled, tapping the tip of her finger against Kagome’s nose. “Go on, get going. Be safe, sweetie.”

“Bye.” That time, it was a genuine grin, returning the friendliness that was kindly offered to her.

The outside air didn’t feel any better than the inside stuffiness. Kagome was hoping to be able to take an uplifting breath, but as soon as she didn’t have to upkeep a facade any longer, the crushing disappointment returned. Again, she felt the urgency to get as far away from Inuyasha as she possibly could, so she headed in the direction they’d initially entered the village in, her legs pumping at a very quick pace.

The forest was loud, lively, her thoughts even greater. Her mind was clouded with anger, noisy with resentment, her chest filled with a dense sludge and her abdomen tense as she stomped her way along the undesignated path. Even this far into the woods, this far away from the town, a couple of hours having passed, she was still weighted with everything Inuyasha had had the audacity to proclaim. The gall of that jerk.

All he had to say was, “no, thanks.” He could have even stuck with the, “Not interested” he began with, but no. The bastard had to keep going, and going, and going, and going. Kagome outwardly groaned, her cheeks growing hotter as her temper never calmed. Sure, she would have asked why. Who wouldn’t want to know why their business proposal was being rejected? That being said, she wouldn’t have guilted him, she wouldn’t have begged him, and she wouldn’t have obligated him in any manner to take her up on it. There was no reason, absolutely no reason, for Inuyasha to go off like that.

If that’s how he really felt, why did he waste so much energy being even obscurely kind to her? Kagome couldn’t even believe she’d thought so well of him. So highly. He didn’t deserve those nice thoughts she’d silently regarded him with last night, or the night before, or the night before that, and she wanted them all back. As if they were written on a board of some sort, Kagome wanted to vehemently erase all of her gracious opinions of him and write in big, bold letters over it all: I hate Inuyasha!

“You’re a long way from home, dearie.”

Kagome stopped abruptly, ice replacing the warmth she’d just recently been shrouded in. A demon stepped out in front of her, tan skin and scarred features immediately causing fear to passionately drive through each vein in her body. Even her breath halted in her throat, her lungs forgetting how to work in that moment as she stared into this man’s red eyes.

She hadn’t sensed him. Hadn’t felt any of the demons that now appeared around her, stepping out from behind trees with crooked smiles and pointed teeth. Now that she looked at them, their putrid auras tainted the atmosphere, and she realized she’d made the biggest mistake imaginable.

Kagome had allowed her emotions to overrule all other senses. She was distracted, painfully so, and she stumbled into a territory she should have known to avoid. She should have felt them coming, should have known they were around. She should have noticed their presence looming, she should have felt the danger around her, and she should have recognized exactly who they were before they appeared.

“What was your name again?” The demon asked.

She couldn’t speak. She didn’t know what to think, surprised and uneasy and unbelievably stiff. The demon stepped forward, his lips parting while he arched a brow in curiosity. Kagome shuddered, gasping, as she paced backward to create space, unable to look away from the leader of the henchmen who’d killed the young conjurer of her village.

| previous chapter | <- -> | next chapter |

[aromantic-spinda]

Rambling thoughts about aromanticism and romantic trauma

Honestly I don't feel like we talk much in the aro community about trauma and negative experiences with being in romantic relationships, so here's a quick post about my thoughts on it

Unhealthy romoships (short for romantic relationships) can ruin your experience with romantic attraction, no matter if you're alloro or aro. While I'm aroflux, technically, some of my past romoships have caused me pain in such a way that I cannot imagine acting on romantic attraction or even feeling it for more than a few seconds at a time. Romance is just... Not available for me. It's not an option, not unless I want to put myself through emotional pain (which, since I'm autistic, can manifest itself into physical pain). I think about myself in romantic relationships? Gone. No thanks. Not for me, even though I used to love the idea of being in not only one, but multiple romoships.

I feel like... It's important that we include aro people like this, and not just because I'm one of them. Some hear the phrase "aro because of trauma" and scoff, saying we need to "get over our fear/hurt and just go to therapy" but the thing is... I do go to therapy, and it's not that simple. I cannot put myself into a romantic relationship without expecting the same bad things from my past to happen again, the same way I cannot go near a syringe without beginning to panic. Trauma is a powerful thing that warps our brains, and there is no recovery switch that we can flip and be okay with romance again. Our romantic attraction has been tainted and corroded because of our brains trying to protect us. It's not available. It's not something that we can stitch back together with time; if we want our recovery plans to include being able to date happily in the future, we have to untangle new threads and spin those together, working our way up from a complete rejection of romance instead of trying to put on a ratty scarf and expecting it to become cleaner with time.

Even if we do end up experiencing romantic attraction and being okay in romoships again, our experience without these things still matter to us. We are still, during this time period, affected extremely by amatonormativity and arophobia – in certain areas, possibly even more so than aros without the kind of trauma we've experienced, because our explanations of romoships not working out and romance not being something we can do are usually met with reactions such as treating us as dirty or wrong due to our trauma, overreacting to negative sides of romoships, or insistence about there being more fish in the sea. The problem isn't the amount of fish. The problem is that after getting food poisoning from [a] fish, our brain hit the "off limits" sign and now we can't eat it until our brain allows us anywhere near it without fear and nausea.

And anyway, if romance "makes us human"... Why do some brains keep people from it in an attempt to protect them? We are made aro – or, if you were already aro, "more" aro in a way – because our brains learned to recognize romantic relationships as sign of danger just like how they learned to see a skull as a sign of danger – even though, to most people, romance isn't dangerous.

Romance can be extremely damaging and I don't think people realize that yet. It's not enough for the aro community to say, "this is a thing that some people enjoy but most of us don't because we're aromantic," we have to say, "this is an activity that, just like any other activity, can cause people positive experiences, negative experiences, joy, and/or trauma, and none of these things determine a person's sexuality, but can certainly affect a person's relationship with their sexuality."

And yes, I will repeat that, because td:lr:

Romance is an activity that, just like any other activity, can cause people positive experiences, negative experiences, joy, and/or trauma. None of these things determine a person's sexuality, but can certainly affect a person's [relationship with] their sexuality.

[hiddennerdworld]

When You’re Close to Me w/ Katsuki Bakugou

Warnings: some tears from characters, but still just a bunch of fluff

A/N: I love this song so much. (Go listen to it now). I feel like I didn’t do it justice but whatever. This has been in my drafts forever. Idk how it turned out but here we go. Also ik it’s kinda long, don’t come after me lmao

Are you here with me? Just looking out on the day of another dream

Bakugou just started to stir awake, the sun slowly starting to beam in the window. His blurry vision came to focus on the digital clock next to him that said 5:45 AM. He sighed and flopped his spiky head back onto his pillow. He opened his eyes again slightly as he turned to face his partner next to him. God, he still can’t believe how lucky he is. Every morning he gets a little wave of relief when he sees you by his side. He’s got a little smile on his face as he holds back from just cupping your cheek and pecking you on the forehead to tell you how much he loves you. But he thinks you’re so cute and peaceful when you sleep and knows you need rest otherwise you’ll be a little brat. Instead he wraps his arm around you, closes his eyes, and hopes he falls back asleep as his mind still focuses on you.

Well, you can’t get what you want, but you can get me. So let’s set out to sea.

“Fuck, I’m so sorry, baby. I couldn’t get out of it. They needed all the help they could get.” Bakugou pleaded to you while holding your hands in his. It was your 3 year anniversary and he had to cancel your plans for the evening due to a villain attack downtown.

You sniffled and looked towards the ground, limply holding his hands back. “I understand. I knew what this was going to be like, being with a hero. It’s just hard sometimes you know? I miss the days where we would spend all day together. We would go to class together, eat lunch together, visit each other’s dorms whenever we wanted. I miss you, Katsuki.”

He pulled you into a hug where he ran his hand through your hair as you buried your face into his chest. “I know. I miss you so much. Being a hero is amazing, but it’s damn exhausting, especially not having you there with me. I love you, Y/N.” He said softly as he kissed the top of your head and then rested his chin on it.

“I love you too, ‘Suki. We’ll figure things out.”

“Of course, we will. We always do. You and I are a pretty kickass team if I do say so myself.”

“Huh, you really think so?” You looked up to meet his gaze. He just nodded and hummed in reply. “Well, I do too.” You then pulled him into a sweet kiss. Something you guys had done a thousand times, but it still brought butterflies to your stomach every time. You guys remained in each other’s arms for a bit longer, just swaying slightly despite the quiet.

“You know, I may have a way to bring back the old days.” Bakugou said breaking the silence.

You looked up at him. “Oh yea? Do tell, pretty boy.”

“Well..” he cleared his throat and continued in a low tone, “I was thinking maybe we could move in together. Like when we lived in the dorms, but with no Aizawa on our backs. It’s not perfect but at least I’ll get to see my beautiful idiot more often” You thought for a few seconds just staring into space. “Nevermind, it was stu-“.

“It’s perfect.” You kissed him again. “I would love that, babe.”

“Tch- well yea, of course you would it was a great idea.” He said with a shit-eating grin on his face after getting an ego boost from you agreeing with him. You just rolled your eyes back. “I would too, though.”

Cause you are my medicine when you’re close to me. When you’re close to me

Katsuki had no idea where he was. He was lying down on a bed, staring at the stark white ceiling as his vision began to clear. When he finally regained consciousness, he jolted up realizing he didn’t know was was going on. Then, you got up from your chair that was beside him in order to calm him down. He suddenly felt a sharp pain on his side. He winced and quickly put his hand on the wound.

“Oof, honey. I was trying to prevent you from doing that. Are you okay?” You said as you softly rubbed his arm.

He listened and lied back facing toward you this time. In a low, gruff voice he responded, “Yeah, I’m fine. Where the hell are we?”

“We’re in Recovery Girl’s office. After training today you ended up getting pretty beat up and passing out.”

It was all coming back to him. It was him versus Deku. One of their last days at UA and everyone was going all out. The two were moving quickly, jumping around each other trying to dodge and land hits. Eventually they started to wear down, but you know them, they will never stop. So after a while, Midoriya was able to use a little more than 10% of One for All, causing Bakugou to crash into a wall and fall to the ground. It wasn’t over yet though. He stumbled back up while doing his signature yelling. He was setting off explosions to fly up to his opponent and land a huge hit, but midway he just passed out and ended up falling on the concrete.

“Oh, yea I remember now. THAT FUCKING DEKU!! I’M GONNA MAKE HIM PAY!!” He yelled while trying to get out of bed. You then had to get up and set him back down.

“No, no, no. Katsuki, you can’t do anything right now. You need to just relax.” You said softly while pushing him back down by his shoulders.

“But I can’t lose to him! No fucking way!” He was still attempting to get up.

“You have to let it go, Suki.” You sat back down next to him and held his hands in yours. “I understand you wanting to get even, but you can’t right now. You’ve already gone way too far today.” You take a deep breath and continue, “You’ve been worrying me. Recently you’ve exhausted yourself so many times just in training alone. I get we’re close to graduating, but you need to relax, take it easy. Exerting so much energy in an emergency, I understand, but you’re just fighting ‘stupid’ Deku. You’re not going to be doing much hero work if you’re always in the hospital.” You sighed and put your head down, “I’m sorry, Suki. I just hate seeing you hurt.”

He knew what you meant. A couple months ago you were also injured badly and had to stay in the hospital for a few days after fighting a tough villain during your internship. He could barely take it. He couldn’t do anything except be by your side. All he wanted was to see you back to being the badass you usually are.

He sat up and rubbed his thumbs on your knuckles as you continued to hold hands. “Don’t worry about me, dumbass,” he said at almost a whisper, showing how ‘dumbass’ is just his way of saying he loves you. “I can take care of myself just fine…. But as much as I hate to admit it, I know you’re right.” He said with a smug grin which didn’t go away after you hit his shoulder. “Jeez, babe I’m just kidding. Point is you’re right. I can’t just go in ready to kill some people. I need to be smart about it. I need to be able to prove myself.”

“But you already have proven yourself. In more ways than one. You can show how great you are using methods that aren’t beating the shit out of Izuku, you know?”

“But those ways aren’t as fun.” You ended up slapping him on the shoulder again as he almost died laughing.

“Can you just promise me that you won’t end up in the nurses office again?”

“Alright, I’ll try my best.” He pulled you over and gave you a kiss on the forehead, “Thanks for putting up with me. I love you.”

“I love you too, even though you give me migraines.”

And surprisingly Bakugou kept up his promise, saving himself a whole lot of pain and saving yourself a whole lot of stress.

Just looking out for the day when you’re close to me.

The heat was rising as the your second year of UA was coming to a close. For the last half of the year Bakugou was slowly accepting his feelings for you and couldn’t hold back any longer. Somehow he tolerated you more than all the other extras. Hell, he even liked spending time with you and would go out of his way to do so. He didn’t want to spend the summer without you, but he didn’t know how to approach the situation. He couldn’t risk looking soft, but then again he “doesn’t care” what other extras think. It was a position he’d never been in before and he didn’t know how to handle it.

You were in the same boat. You may have had crushes before, but not like this, and definitely not like Bakugou. It didn’t take much to notice that he was somewhat nicer to you. He did schoolwork with you and didn’t smack you upside the head. He started choosing you as his partner more often in training. And never exploded when he got he annoyed with you. Maybe he was just nice to you because you were nice to him? You didn’t want to take things the wrong way and upset him. He was so predictably unpredictable. A literal ticking bomb, but somehow he was a lovable one.

The two of you were becoming unbearable. Your friends had all been planning to get together before summer break anyway, so they decided to do some meddling.

You had just joined the Bakusquad in the common room waiting to have some fun. You and Bakugou were sitting next to each other on the couch while Sero, Kaminari, and Kirishima all were chilling on the floor around the coffee table. Meanwhile, Mina was nowhere to be found.

“Ugh! Where the hell is stupid Pinkie?! I wanna get this shit over with?”

“We love you too, Kacchan.” Kaminari replies and you can head Bakugou growl next to you and you try not to laugh. “I’m sure she’ll be here any sec. She had to grab something for the super special thing she planned.” He said while wiggling his eyebrows and Bakugou just rolled his eyes. Kirishima then kicked Kaminari and whisper-yelled “Dude!” Then he turned back to you guys and said with a nervous smile, “What he means is that Mina wanted this to be the perfect hang out before we have to go back home, so she has some stuff for us.”

“I sure do!” Mina yelled as she burst in the room with her arms up.

“tch- finally” Bakugou mumbled under his breath.

“We just gotta set up and then we can do the super special thing. Sero and Kirishima wanna help me grab some stuff from the kitchen? And then the rest of you can you check to make sure we have enough room in my dorm? Great!” She gave no one time to respond and everyone just got up and followed suit.

“Wait can I use the bathroom first?! I totally gotta take a whiz!” Kaminari whined.

“Yea, just hurry up! I wouldn’t want you to miss anything! Y/N and Bakugou we’ll all meet you up there in a sec!”

Sero, Kirishima, and Mina shuffled into the kitchen while Human Pikachu bolted (lol) to the bathroom. You and Bakugou weren’t as frantic as the others but you still went with it.

When you both arrived you found Mina’s room to be totally clean. “OI, PINKIE YOU’RE RO-!” Bakugou was on the way his way out but then you saw a flash of yellow and the door slamming on Bakugou’s face.

“What the-?” Bakugou tried to turned the handle but it didn’t budge. “I SWEAR IF YOUR PLAN WAS TO PRANK US IM GONNA BURN YOUR DUMBASSES ALL TO HELL!! NOW LET US OUT!!” He banged on the door, still attempting to get out, but all he heard back was some snickers and the sound of something being put in front of the door. The Pomeranian, now angered, was still aimlessly attacking the door until he heard you sigh and flop on the bed.

Sprawled out with your hands covering your face you muttered, “Ugh, I’m sorry.”

Bakugou stopped and turned around to face you being the most confused you’ve ever seen him, “Wait... you knew about this!” He started stomping over.

You quickly sat up anticipating something to happen. “No, no I didn’t. I just.. I think I know what this is about. I think this is all because of something I said to Mina.”

You move your eyes around the room afraid to make contact with the ruby eyes of the man standing above you.

“And what’s that?”

You sigh and fidget with your fingers, “Well, I may as well say it because I don’t think we’ll get out of here otherwise. I like you, Bakugou. I have for a bit now and didn’t know what to do. So I asked Mina, and this is definitely not how I wanted to handle it so I’m sorry and-“ you were interrupted by Bakugou tilting your head up which was staring at the floor while you rambled. He quickly leaned down and pressed his lips against yours. You sat there wide-eyed. Not that it wasn’t good (it was), you were just thinking holy shit, my crush is on my face right now.

“Shit, I’m sorry I should’ve asked first. I just wanted to stop you because you don’t need to apologize. And I’m pretty sure you know this now but I like you too I guess. I don’t find you as annoying as I probably should. I haven’t for a while now.” He now was stood back up with a blush spread across his face and his one hand in this pocket with the other one rubbing the back of his neck. You stand up next to him and place your arms on his shoulders.

You giggle and say, “It’s okay. I enjoyed it. I was just surprised because I didn’t expect it from you. I actually think we should do it again.”

“Really?” He looked up as you nodded in response while biting your lip. You both then leaned in and kissed each other once more. It was definitely not as awkward as the first one. The kiss was sweet and passionate. When Bakugou feels something, he feels it wholeheartedly and it was evident in the way he was kissing you. He treated you as if you were an illusion that could shatter at any moment and he wasn’t going to take any of his time with you for granted.

You were suddenly interrupted by a loud banging on the door, “YOU LOVEBIRDS DONE IN THERE YET?!!! I ACTUALLY WANTED TO DO STUFF TONIGHT!!” Mina yelled through the door.

When you’re close to me

Bakugou woke up again but this time due to you booping his nose. “Good morning, Sunshine.” You whispered as you placed a kiss where had previously booped him. He just groaned and looked over to see the clock reading 8:30 AM. When he looked back your head was on his chest while you held onto him. He smiled a bit and pulled you in closer.

“Can we just stay like this all day, babe?” He said with his cheek pressed on the top of your head.

“Did I hear that correctly? Katsuki Bakugou said he wanted to stay in bed?! I must be dreaming still.”

“Tch, you’re such an idiot.” He chuckled and pressed a kiss onto the top of your head. “I love you though, you know that right?”

“Enough to help me make us some breakfast in bed?” You looked up at him with puppy eyes. He just sighed loudly and started to dramatically get out of bed. You soon followed and caught up to give him a hug as he grabbed stuff from the fridge. “I love you too, ‘Suki.”

[blu-joons]

You Have Heart Surgery ~ BTS Reaction

Jin:

You were understandably quiet as Jin drove you to the hospital, glancing across at you every few minutes, feeling his heart break as you stared helplessly out of the window.

He sighed softly, “it’ll be alright,” he whispered, reaching across to rest one hand against your thigh, “I know it’s scary, but you’re going to be in safe hands throughout it all.”

“It’s such a huge operation,” you frowned, turning your eyes to look across at him. “I know it’s going to help, but the thought of having it is beginning to feel very real.”

“I know what you mean,” he smiled, “this morning I woke up and I panicked a little, but then I remembered it’ll be alright.”

Your head slowly nodded, biting down on your bottom lip. “I’ll just be relieved when it’s all done, and I don’t have to worry anymore.”

“So, will I,” Jin agreed, “and when it’s all done, you’ll have me to look after you and you can get me to do whatever you want me too.”

“That definitely is one of the bonuses of having this.”

“I’ll take the best care of you, I promise,” he smiled, “you’ll have nothing to worry about with me keeping an eye on you.”

“You’ll hate me by the time this is over.”

Yoongi:

His heart dropped when he got the call to say you’d been in an accident, racing down to the hospital, you had already gone into surgery before he got the chance to see you.

A nice came up to his side, “she’s alright,” she whispered, encouraging him to take a seat, “I’m guessing you’re her boyfriend, I can tell you what’s happened if you want to know.”

“Please,” he whimpered, staring down at the ground as he began to fear the worst. “I don’t understand how this has happened, it’s all a lot to take in.”

“It is,” she sympathised, “but I can tell you that Y/N’s gone into surgery for heart surgery, she was taken down as an emergency case.”

Yoongi’s head nodded, struggling to really take in what was being said. “So, is she going to be alright? Or is this something more serious to worry about?”

“She’ll be fine,” the nurse assured him, “I know it’s a little overwhelming right now, but we’ll take you to see her as soon as she’s out of surgery.”

“Do you have any idea how long that could be?”

“Right now, it’s hard to say,” she informed him, “but I promise as soon as I hear anything, I’ll be straight down here to let you know.”

“Thank you, please take care of her.”

Hoseok:

He raced forwards as your eyes slowly opened, staring around the room, smiling when your eyes fell on Hobi sat beside you, reaching out to take a hold of your hand.

His thumb brushed over your hand, “everything went well,” he quickly assured you, watching as you let go of a sigh of relief. “How do you feel? Or is that a stupid question?”

“I don’t really know how to feel,” you giggled, “I still feel a little bit dizzy, and I’m not really sure exactly what just happened, at least I know everything went well.”

“The doctor said it would take a little while for everything to settle,” Hobi informed you, studying your face closely. “You’ve just got to rest.”

Your head carefully nodded as best as it could. “I definitely feel like I could rest forever with how I’m feeling right now, it feels like a brick got dropped on me.”

“I’m not surprised,” he laughed, “you just need to focus on looking after yourself now though, I’m going to be the best nurse you’ve ever had.”

“You’ll be the only nurse that I’ve ever had.”

“At least that automatically makes me the best nurse,” he chuckled, squeezing your hand, “I’ve got no competition to compare to.”

“You were always going to be my favourite anyway.”

Namjoon:

Your eyes looked across at Namjoon who sat beside you on his laptop, as you studied his screen, you noticed yet again he was reading up about your surgery.

He felt your eyes watching him closely, “I want to be prepared,” he informed you before you could speak, “I want to know exactly what’s going to happen to you.”

“It’s open-heart surgery Joon,” you said, as if he didn’t already know, “there’s only so much research you can do before you end up going insane with worries.”

“You can never do too much research,” he smiled, “it’s going to be up to me to look after you when all of this is done, and I want to do it right.”

You smiled appreciatively up at him, “I know that you’ll take the best care of me, without reading up on all of these blogs and websites.”

“It probably looks stupid,” he groaned, closing his laptop lid down, “it just worries me that it could be on my shoulders that something goes wrong.”

“It’s not stupid, it makes me happy that you care so much.”

“I just want to make your life as easy as possible,” he smiled, “this is a huge thing that you’re about to go through.”

“I know, but everything will be alright.”

Jimin:

Your eyes lit up as Jimin walked into your room on the ward, holding tightly onto a bouquet of flowers and a box of chocolates that he’d bought from your favourite store.

He placed them down beside you, “treats for the patient,” he smiled, before taking a seat beside you. “How are you feeling today? Have they said anymore about getting discharged?”

“I’ve still got to stick around for a couple more days,” you informed him, “but they said the initial recovery seems to be going well, so that’s a good thing.”

“Sorry I wasn’t able to come and visit yesterday,” he smiled, taking a hold of your hand. “Everything was just so busy with work, and then visiting hours were over.”

Your head shook, “I can’t expect you to be here every second of every day, you’ll be sick of me when I have to start recovering at home.”

“I quite like the thought of looking after you,” he grinned, ripping the box of chocolates with his free hand, “it’s what I’m supposed to do anyway.”

“It’s alright for you now, you can get breaks and go home.”

“I wish that I could be here right now for you always,” he assured you, placing a chocolate into your mouth, “the thought of leaving you terrifies me.”

“I’m well looked after here; you don’t need to worry.”

Taehyung:

He hadn’t been able to take a break since he arrived at the hospital a couple of hours ago after receiving a phone call to say you’d been brought in for emergency surgery.

He’d paced your room again and again until finally yours eyes opened, blinking several times. “You’re in hospital,” Taehyung spoke, finally taking a seat at your beside. “You’re alright.”

“Why?” Was all you could say, failing to recall how you ended up where you were. Your smile dropped as you looked around at everything that was in your room.

“You were in an accident,” Taehyung informed you, spotting the confusion in your expression. “You’ve had heart surgery Y/N, it’s a pretty big deal.”

Even though you nodded, none of the information really sunk into you. “I want to go home,” you whispered, staring blankly across at Taehyung.”

“You’re going to have to wait a few days,” he sighed, resting himself beside you, “it’ll make sense soon once you’re a bit more with it.”

“I just remember going to work, how did I even get here?”

“I’m not entirely sure myself yet,” he sighed, “hopefully when the nurse comes, we can get a few more answers and find out.”

“I can’t believe I have to stay here now.”

Jungkook:

His leg continued to bounce as you waited in the hospital, placing your hand over it to try and encourage him to stop, Jungkook could only sigh back at you.

His eyes stared across at you, murmuring a quick apology. “It just scares me that this is happening today, there’s so much to worry about and stress over.”

“You’re more nervous than me,” you laughed, “and you’re not even the one having the surgery. I’m sure that nothing will go wrong today, you’ve just got to be confident.”

“It’s easy for you to say, you’ll be put to sleep, I’ll be awake and worrying about you,” he vented, “I’ll have to sit for hours and stress.”

Your smile grew, resting your head down to lay against his shoulder. “We can swap positions if you’d prefer to have heart surgery.”

“You joke,” he laughed, “but I would swap positions in a heartbeat, I’d much rather it was me in your position today then you.”

“At least at the end of the day I’ll be better.”

“I know you will,” he sighed, “I just can’t wait to get to the end of the day and for all of this to finally be put in the past.”

“Me too, but it won’t be long now.”

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