#anyways I actually get to read this one legally now so cool!

[psychicbluebirdmiracle]

Ok so after I found that super cute page from Nightwing #96 (2022) I went back and read the first issue in Nightwing and I found this and oh my gosh it's so dang cute I had to share

I love this so dang much oh my gosh

[themyscirah]

Okay so basically the United States MINT of all people is going to be working with DC to make a line of coins! These coins sadly won't be in circulation (the things I would do to live in a world where I could get Batman coins from the supermarket) as they're collectors coins, but will be releasing over the course of the next 3 years, 2025-2027.

Designs haven't been released yet (the same is true for all 2025 designs) but we know there will be 9 coins in total (3 each year) with the first year featuring (of course!!!) Superman, Batman, and Wonder Woman.

Although we know the first three heroes to be featured, the remaining six have yet to be decided, and it turns out the Mint is putting out a survey on their site to gauge which of a group of culturally significant heroes people want to see most! (link to the form is mentioned in the article above)

The considered group includes: Supergirl, the Flash, Green Arrow, Black Canary, Captain Marvel, John Stewart GL, Aquaman, Hawkman, Jamie Reyes BB, Robin (Damian?), Cyborg, and Batgirl, of which 6 will be selected.

As someone who does a bit of coin collecting myself (mainly circulation coins like the quarters sets, but I also have a couple proof and collectors coins) I think this is a really cool and interesting idea that showcases the history of the comics medium and these characters and their influence on American culture. Really excited to wait and see what the designs look like for the coins already announced!

[talkorsomething]

Too [insert adjective here] for guard ...................

Well, it's only half related.

We "hit a pothole", "had a slipup", whatever you want to call it — sunday. Aka: for the sake of my sanity we are not labeling it a relapse but good god does it feel as though I have invited the demons back in.

I know why, but I don't really know why. Because, I mean... I never have, to begin with. So: when I decided i was doing it sunday, i accepted it. "Let it happen", as someone would probably say to me. It's not...

I've been thinking about it for a while now. It's like anything - it comes and goes, a few times a year, and no matter what, I always ignore it.

Except, maybe there's something I'm not paying attention to? Or, ignoring, is the better word for it?

Of course it would be the one thing I have happening in my life.

November, I was burnt out for unrelated reasons. It was a lot to take in. That made sense. Now? ... why now?

There's not really any pressure on me. Yes, I have to do things, yes, it will be noticed if they're bad, but ...... it's not important. We don't spend time on it. I'm coming back next year, but it might be at the cost of ... all of this. I think it's progress. I haven't touched my guitar in any serious capacity in over a year. I think it's progress.

I don't take compliments well. I can't tell if that's why I don't get them, but I'm not being corrected much either. Only when I drift too far from what the work is supposed to be, only after weeks of it going, I can only assume, unnoticed. I keep getting stuck.

...push it back down.

Telling me I'm doing good isn't telling me what I know I have to be getting wrong. I could take it, at the cost of... all of this. I'm anticipating, and I know it can come. This is not where I was when I started.

It's been said, I haven't been told, that not starting it means you're more of a burden, by making the other person have to do it first. I know that. I do. And still it doesn't help. I'm not drowning. It wasn't an accident, but it wasn't planned, either. I don't know you.

I don't know you.

I'm not a good person. I'm not a nice person. Every week I tell myself this is really it, and every week I come back, and ... what? Forget I ever said anything? Forget we're not friends?

Well, we're not, huh? Nobody is, with me. What you see I swear you misunderstand. You don't ask. If you do, well, I can't answer. We're at an impasse.

It's not even my fault we didn't make it. I shouldn't feel like this over nothing. I don't do anything. You will, correctly, not let me do anything, because potential doesn't matter if you can't back it up. If you won't back it up. I let things happen to me.

I don't even feel better. And, actually, ironically, i think i know what would let me feel better. If I can't be upset with anyone else, at least I can be with myself.

... but, well, not even that. Your heart in my hands, but I mean it diegetically. And metaphorically. I hate putting myself out there, I hate having to actually perform, and yet every time, no matter what, I do it. I'm fine. I only cared at the start, and even then not very.

I don't feel anything. Not a lot, anyways. I don't let it happen. I can't. I don't know what it'll mean if I start being honest with myself.

...

I've pulled myself out of this before. A few times, now. Different circumstances, but I've done it all the same. Seasonal depression notwithstanding.

I'm only here because I did things I was scared to. And still, I'm the same. No progress made. The only way out is to do it again but I feel like I can't. I can't.

Will someone just let me say that?

Will someone just fucking help for once?

[a-substantial-trash-pile]

Studio TV Solutions presents Half Life VR but the AI are Self-Aware (2020) [not a real movie]. A movie with a totally improv’d script starring a moltey crew who are sure to give you a rip-roarin’ good time!

anyway hi new au just dropped. i’m calling it HLVRAIM. it’s HLVRAI but it’s a blockbuster movie and the science team are played by actors. i have many thought on backstories n stuff that i will stick under a “read more” here otherwise this post will be hella long on people’s dashes. 👇👍 pls care about this i thought so hard and much

Half Life VR but the AI are Self-Aware was put out by Studio TV Solutions in 2020 and destroyed the box office with how fun it was and how well the cast played off one another. The cast was given a general outline for the script with the goal for it to be mostly improv.

Gordon Freeman: Mannie Flores (Dominican American, age 28, he/him) - Popular Youtuber/Twitch streamer (“Radi0Mann”). Got offered the role in HLVRAI thanks to the creative things he’s done in his Youtube/Twitch career. This is his first “official” acting gig. He was pretty starstruck at first, but then as he got to know everyone, he realized they’re all a bunch of dorks (affectionate). - Started off as a gaming channel, but then started branching off into various creative endeavors as he got more popular. He still plays games too though. - One of the things Mannie did in his internet career that hit the mainstream was when he wrote, directed, starred in, and filmed his own movie in just 2 weeks because he failed a bet with his audience. Except the movie was actually really good and funny and heartfelt (i want to say it was about “a man who got left behind on earth after everyone else was raptured because god literally forgot about him”, but i think the concept might’ve been done already). - Met Benji through HLVRAI. They hit it off and now they’re dating. They tried to keep it secret for a while but Mannie had a slip-up during a stream that sort of blew it out of the water.

Benrey: Benji Song (Japanese/Chinese, age 30, he/they) - Started off as a film sound designer in the industry, then through a series of silly willy little events—possibly even shenanigans—got roped into a role in a passion indie film that became wildly acclaimed and flung him into the spotlight. Been an actor ever since, but isn’t the most proactive in taking jobs much to their agent’s annoyance. People never know where he’ll pop up next. Sometimes Benji will sneak in sound designer work behind their agent’s back. - Honestly likes background work more because everyone’s got these expectations of them as an actor that they feel pressured to meet. But he’s also afraid of disappointing people. He’s working on it. - Met their partner Mannie through HLVRAI. Totally was a fan of his streams/videos beforehand though. When they mention that, Mannie gets flustered. - Does music as a hobby. Electronic stuff mostly—enjoys mashing together all sorts of sounds and trying to make them work. After HLVRAI, Mannie’s streams gets cool new music that’s made by somebody going by “johnwicklover1994.” wink

Harold Coomer: Hau’oli “Hau” Kaleo-Kirchhoff (Hawaiian/Samoan, age 66, he/him) - Old musician who’s supposed to be retired but once in a while will release a song or even do a concert (but nothing crazy). - Hau’oli is pronounced [hh-ow-oh-lee], but he also goes by “Hau” for the haoles’ sake. :) Kaleo is [kah-leh-oh]. also Hau’oli sounds a little bit like the name Holly so that’s a fun coincidence i didn’t realize until later. - Most of his music is chill island tunes but he has been known to dabble in rock and jazz. - Married to Mose (been together for 30 years and counting).

Bubby: Mose Kaleo-Kirchhoff (German, age 69 [nice], xe/him) - Veteran actor—been in the acting industry for a long time. One of his more well-known roles was in a popular sci-fi series. - Married to Hau’oli (they got married the moment it was legal). - i went with a name that started with “M” cuz when Gordon first asks Bubby for his name, xe’s like, “mmm Bubby.” and i headcanon it’s because Mose was about to say xir own name and had to swerve last minute and the thing his brain resorted to was Bubby lol.

Tommy Coolatta: Luis Tanglao (Filipino, age 37, he/they) - Child star who dropped out of the industry when he hit his teens and then came back years later as a comedian. He has material about how fucked up being a child star was. Will only take acting roles if it interests them. - They don’t care about how the public/media sees him. He’ll speak his mind and call out BS when he sees it. Interviewing them can be a war zone. - Hosts a popular podcast with some buds they discuss things like video games, their lives, news, etc. Just shooting the shit. - Sunkist is their actual dog and she modeled for the png photo that was used. Her name is actually Biko. She is a very good girl. <3

Darnold Pepper: Sage Haven (African American, age 40, he/her/they) - Famous cooking show host who gets offered roles in movies. Got popular by how unconventional her meals and cooking methods are and how funny he is. - Has had multiple food/cooking/baking shows over the years. Every competition-based one they’ve had focused more on good vibes, fun, and encouraging one another rather than drama. One show involved people competing to see who could make the best full course meal with the catch being they could only cook everything in a microwave. Many microwaves perished. - Changed their name to Sage Haven during their transition. They chose it because it reflects his passion and also is a play on the phrase “safe haven”, which is what she wants to be to others. - He has an adoptive daughter named Kit. She helped them think up bits and jokes. She also had to help explain what Half-Life was.

haven’t gotten to gman and forzen’s actors yet unfortunately. thinking gman’s actor could be a talk show host? because that would be funny. anyway thanks for humoring me on my shenanigans. bye

[pink-sparkly-witch]

Everything

Summary: Dumped by her boyfriend, Y/N goes home with her tail between her legs, praying that her roommate, Dean Winchester, isn’t there to witness yet another failed relationship. But fate doesn’t work that way, and what seems like the universe conspiring against her might actually be what she’s needed all along.

Pairing: Dean Winchester x Female Reader

Warnings: angst, break-up, language, douchebag ex, Dean’s a bit of a dick at first, insecurities, heart to heart, frenemies to lovers

Word Count: 2.5k

A/N: I’m so sorry. This summary is awful. I hope you enjoy whatever this is 😅 Please consider reblogging to spread this far and wide around this Hellsite, or leave a little comment. It really does fuel our muse. If you’re too shy or too cool for people to know you read fanfic and you don’t want it showing on your blog, you can submit an anonymous ask or drop me a DM 💖

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The rain pours down, and thunder rumbles somewhere in the distance. You laugh bitterly at how the weather reflects your mood. Rain soaks your hair and clothing, your feet sodden and squelching; the stilettos you’re wearing offer zero protection from the torrents of water falling from the sky and running down the sidewalks.

You’re grateful for it, truth be told. At least this way, no one knows the mascara that runs in black streams down your cheeks is from the tears you’ve been crying over that asshole. The asshole you’ve been dating for two months who just dumped you at your local bar while sitting next to his date for the night.

Fuck, how did this become your life? How did you become this gullible, desperate woman who keeps falling for these kinds of men? Men who date you and sweet talk you, saying all the right things until they get what they want from between your legs and then leave you for someone prettier. Someone younger.

Maybe the asshole’s right. Maybe you are the type of girl to have a fun time with, not the kind to take home to meet someone’s mother. But fuck, that hurts to admit and fuck, you lose more of yourself with every asshole that spews those kind of lines to you. If you’ve said it once, you’ve said it a million times. You’re done with men. And this time, you mean it.

You turn the corner onto your street and stop in your tracks. Dread settles in your stomach as you see your roommate’s car parked on the side of the road. He just had to choose tonight of all nights to stay home, didn’t he? That’s all you fucking need right now. You consider turning around and walking away. Hell, he wouldn’t miss you. You were meant to be staying at the asshole’s place anyway.

But, this is your home. Well, the place you live, at least, and you need to go there eventually. Might as well get it over with. Your lip trembles, knowing you need to face the one person you really don’t want to right now, especially in this state. He already thinks you’re pathetic enough as it is.

You walk up the stairs, dread settling heavily in the pit of your stomach the closer you get to the door. You cast up a silent prayer that the only reason Dean is home is because he’s got female company over. At least then, you can get in, grab some whiskey and get to your room quietly and unnoticed.

“Hey, what are you doing home so early? Thought you were staying at Chuck’s tonight?” Dean says from the couch, not even turning to look at you.

“Yeah, well, plans change. Why are you here? Thought you’d be chasing some skinny ass, barely legal bitch at the bar.” Your tone conveys pure disgust, and you curse yourself for it when he turns to look at you. And, of course, he laughs.

“What the hell happened to you?” he buckles, scanning your absolutely hilarious appearance. “You look like someone threw you in the river and left you to claw your way back out again!” Dean laughs, and you huff, desperately trying to stop the fresh batch of tears threatening to stream down your face.

“In case you haven’t noticed, Dean, there’s a torrential downpour out there.”

“Yeah, that explains the puddle at your feet, but not the rest of you, bitch,” he laughs, and that does it. You know he’s not being serious; you constantly hurl insults at one another, and it doesn’t usually get to either of you, but this time, it hits differently.

“The only reason I kept you around so long is because you’re like a bitch in heat. Always needing to be fucked. But that’s all you’re good for, and it grows old pretty quickly.”

Your eyes water, and your lip trembles. A sob escapes unchecked, and you wish the floor would open you up and swallow you whole. “I’m going to bed,” you mutter and turn to walk away.

“Y/N, wait,” Dean says, his face softening into concern.

“What, Dean? What? You wanna laugh at me more? Call me a bitch again, huh? Look, I know you don’t like me, but you know what? A little compassion can go a long way. Some humanity might make me actually believe you have a heart.”

Your mind replays every conversation you’ve overheard Dean having about you with his brother, his friends, and his conquests, and your heart sinks to the floor at how true your words are.

“Who? Her? She’s just my roommate. Baby, you don’t have to worry about her. We’re not even friends, and she’s not my type. She’s basically my live-in maid. She cooks and cleans for me and pays me for the privilege.”

“Y/N, sweetheart, what happened?” Dean asks, stepping towards you, frowning when you step back.

“Doesn’t matter,” you sniffle.

“Come on, you’re upset. Talk to me, tell me what’s going on.”

“Why? So you can make fun of me like you always do? We're not even friends, Dean. Stop pretending you give a damn about me.” The hurt furrowing his brow surprises you, and you scoff. “Don’t look so hurt, Dean. I’m only repeating your words back to you. I’m the live-in maid, remember?” you turn and walk quickly to your room, slamming the door.

Whiskey will have to wait until Dean’s gone to bed.

It’s been quiet in the main section of the apartment for over an hour now. It’s probably safe to assume Dean has gone to bed, and you can get the whiskey you’re so desperate to drown yourself in.

Leaving the sanctuary of your bedroom, you pad down the hall in your bare feet, trying to be as quiet as possible. Dean is a light sleeper, and he’d complained before about you waking him whenever you get up in the middle of the night suffering from a bout of insomnia.

“I was wondering when you’d come out,” Dean’s voice makes you jump as it rings from the small dining table by the kitchen window. He’s sitting in the dark, with just the moon’s light shining enough to see his silhouette. “I was getting worried,” he states, sipping from a tumbler.

“Oh, so you do have a heart?” you respond. It’s a bitchy comment, and you know it, but you’re in defence mode after Chuck. “Might want to show it once in a while.”

“Nah. Makes me look weak,” he chuckles. His joke caught you off guard, and you let out a little huff of laughter. “See? I knew I could make you smile!”

“Barely,” you quip back and sit across from him, grabbing the whiskey bottle and filling the empty glass Dean must’ve put on the table for you.

“What happened, sweetheart? You left here tonight looking stunning and happy, and when you came home—”

“I was crying, and you called me bitch,” you state, watching Dean’s head drop.

“Not my finest moment, I admit,” Dean says as he reaches for the bottle and refills both glasses. “I didn’t know how upset you were, and I was only teasing you. If I’d known that it wasn’t just the rain that made your mascara run, I’d never have said it, and I hope you know that.”

“I really wanna believe that, but you’re always saying hurtful things,” you say, draining your glass.

“The things you said earlier,” Dean nods. “I didn’t mean… look, Y/N, you’re a beautiful woman, and some of the girls I bring home get jealous, you know? I say those things to keep them sweet.”

You nod, thinking it’s a fair excuse. Dean does have a lot of women over, and you’ve pulled out the sting from more than a few of them.

“As for what I say to Sam and my friends, well, they tease me about living with a pretty girl and don’t believe me when I say we’re just roommates,” Dean continues. You have to admit that was also sound reasoning. It didn’t excuse it; he was still a dick, but you understood it a little better.

“It’d just be nice if you stopped for a second and thought of me as a person with feelings before you say those kinds of things in front of me,” you say, filling your glass again.

“Alright, sweetheart, I promise I’ll work on that,” Dean agrees, and you notice he’s watching you intently.

“What?” you ask, feeling uncomfortably exposed under his gaze.

“What happened with Chuck,” Dean asks again.

“I don’t want to tell you,” you sigh.

“Why?”

“Because it’s embarrassing,” you whine and hit your head on the table.

“Come on,” Dean says, topping up their glasses again. “I know you have no reason to trust me, but I promise whatever it is, it won’t be as bad as you think.”

“I got to the bar, and Chuck was there with another woman. He told me we were over and that Anna was his date for the night. Then, to rub salt in my wounds, as I was walking away, he told me that all I was good for was a great time in bed. Always up for anything, like a bitch in heat.”

“And then you came home, and I called you a bitch. Y/N, I’m sorry, sweetheart,” Dean takes your hand in his, and you can see that it’s a genuine apology, and he really does feel awful about it. “You know he’s wrong, right? You’re worth so much more than that?”

“I don’t think I am. He’s not the only guy to tell me that,” you shrug. “It doesn’t matter, anyway. I’m done with men and dating.”

“You don’t mean that. You think I don’t know about all the romcoms you watch on Netflix? All those girly books you read.”

“Yeah, well, a fat lot of good they did me. I’m starting to see why people are boycotting Disney Princess movies because they’re filled with romantic disillusionment and give a false idea to women that their Prince Charming exists somewhere out there.”

“This is more serious than I thought if you’re losing faith in the Disney Princesses!” Dean chuckles, and it makes you smile slightly. “Seriously, though, I think this is more about the men you date than you, sweetheart. They are way out of your league.”

“I am not out of anyone’s league, Dean. If anything, it’s probably the other way around,” you huff a bitter laugh.

“I’m out of your league,” Dean says quietly.

“You have that backwards. I’m the one out of your league. You’re gorgeous and charming, and I have seen the girls you bring home, and they are the most stunning women I’ve ever seen. I can’t compete with that.” The words spill out of you before you can stop them, and you think Dean might be blushing, but it’s hard to tell when the only sliver of light comes from the moon shining through the kitchen window.

Dean laughs, and it takes you aback slightly. “I have called you beautiful or some other variation of it several times tonight, and not once have you picked up on it. Those women are hot, sure, but you… You are on a whole other level of hot. You are stunning and so much classier than they will ever be.”

You scoff at his words, not believing them but not wanting him to know they affect you. You know Dean’s type, and it is definitely not you. “You don’t have to try and make me feel better, Dean.”

“That’s not what I’m doing. There’s a reason Sam and Cas and Benny are on my case so much about you, and it’s because I really, really, like you—”

“So, all the insults and barely tolerating my presence was what,” you smirk over at him, “you pulling my pigtails and pushing me over in the playground?”

“When you put it like that…” Dean cringes. “I guess it was. Look, you’re hurt and sad, and we’ve had a lot to drink, so I’m not going to push you to tell me if this is one-sided, but I will talk to you tomorrow when we’re both sober.”

The warmth of the sun wakes you, and you stretch in its gentle heat. You’re not nearly as hungover as you should be, and for that, you’re grateful. Dean had some interesting things to say last night, and you’d rather your brain was running at full capacity.

Quietly, you make your way to the kitchen, mindful that Dean’s door is closed, so it’s likely he’s still sleeping, and start the coffee machine. 

You busy yourself with clearing up from the night before. You rinse dishes, put them in the dishwasher and put the almost empty whiskey bottle back in the cupboard. You grab your and Dean’s favourite mugs and place them next to the coffee machine.

Taking the cleaning spray, you spritz all the surfaces and wipe them down while patiently waiting for the coffee to finish brewing.

“How did I manage to find the only person in this city who likes cleaning?” Dean’s groggy voice sounds from the doorway, and you smile.

“Morning, Dean,” you say as you pick up the coffee pot and fill his mug. You place it on the breakfast bar and fill your own before hopping onto one of the stools and making yourself comfortable.

“Morning, sweetheart. Thanks,” Dean says as he picks up his mug and takes a sip. “So, about last night…”

“Wow,” you chuckle. “Straight to the point, huh?”

“I’ve wasted enough time, and now that my feelings are out there, I can’t sit on this any longer,” Dean pauses to take another mouthful of coffee. “I meant what I said. I like you, Y/N. I’m sorry if anything I did when I was in denial of my feelings hurt you. And I’m sorry for pushing you away and making you think I hated you so you wouldn’t find out how I really feel.”

“Dean, I don’t know what to say,” you say. “I used to like you in that way, but with how you were with me, I turned it off because, for the past year, I’ve been thinking you don’t like me, and I don’t know if anything is still there for you.”

Dean nods, looking a little deflated by your words, but it’s clear he accepts them. “Can I at least try and make you get it back?”

“I don’t know—“ you begin, but Dean cuts you off.

“Please, Y/N. One date is all I’m asking for,” Dean begs, and you feel your resolve waning. You know you still have feelings for him.

“I’ve seen the girls you bring home, Dean. And I’m nothing compared to them,” you try. It’s your last bit of fight, the last time you’ll be able to give him an out from this.

“You’re everything, Y/N. And I mean that. You are smart, funny, kind, beautiful… you’re everything they weren’t. Please,” Dean begs again. “Just one date. Let me prove it.”

“Okay,” you nod with a small smile.

“Yeah?” Dean says, breaking out into a boyish grin.

“Yeah. I’ll go on a date with you, Dean.”

“Awesome!” he grins, looking like he just answered the million-dollar question. “I promise you won’t regret it!”

Tags: @acitygrownwillow @akshi8278 @ashbatz @candy-coated-misery0731 @chriszgirl92 @deans-baby-momma @deans-spinster-witch @deansbbyx @deanwanddamons @duncanhillscoffeecups @foxyjwls007 @giggles1026 @globetrotter28 @hobby27 @hoboal87 @impala67rollingthroughtown @iprobablyshipit91 @jackles010378 @jamerlynn @jc-winchester @k-slla @kazsrm67 @kmc1989 @lacilou @ladysparkles78 @leigh70 @lyarr24 @maliburenee @michecolegate @mrsjenniferwinchester @nancymcl @negans-lucille-tblr @nelachu2423 @octoberclidan @perpetualabsurdity @roseblue373 @sandlee44 @sexyvixen7 @snackles87 @spnbaby-67 @spnwoman @stixnstripesworld @stoneyggirl2 @suckitands33 @synmorite @tristanrosspada-ackles @twinkleinadiamondsky @waters-2567 @winchestergirl1720

[discotitsposts]

You’re lucky you’re cute

reader and reid flirting at the party of a mutual friend

she/her pronouns used

some mature themes and choice words used. overall supposed to be lighthearted and silly

i love this photo so much

You were getting ready for a party a good family friend of yours was hosting. You had known David Rossi since you were a little kid and it’s rumored you were somehow related. Rossi treated you like his own and had been there for you your whole life. He had even helped you out of a few legal jams you’d found yourself in high school.

He had seen you first learn to walk, started school, hugged you while you cried on his expensive suit when you went through your first breakup, and graduate high school. Now you were going through academy training to work at the FBI. You wanted to be just like David.

You had never met anyone on his team in the BAU except Hotch. He had told you about everyone though. You were most excited to meet Penelope she sounded like a ray of sunshine. You were very intrigued by the mysterious Dr. Spencer Reid. He sounded very interesting. According to Rossi he could read 20,000 words per minute and had an eidetic memory. How amazing is that? Being a bit of a smarty pants yourself you definitely wanted to talk to him.

You had also learned he was apparently wildly handsome from what some girls at the academy had said. Though you’d never seen a photo of him, he sounded fantastic.

On the drive to Rossi’s mansion you listened to your favorite music. Singing every lyric to kill your nerves. You parked and it seemed everyone else had already arrived.

You ring the doorbell and Rossi opens it. When he sees you he smiles proudly and yells “Principessa! Sei bellissima!” He hugs you and brings you in to meet the team.

“You know Aaron, this is JJ, Emily, this is Derek Morgan.” You shake each persons hand as he says their name.

“Ah, the infamous Derek Morgan.” You say. “Nice to meet you all.”

“Pleasures all mine, gorgeous.” Derek winks at you. Emily punches his arm. “Leave her alone weirdo.” She scolds.

A brightly dressed woman with beautifully styled blonde hair runs into the room carrying two wine glasses and speaking excitedly.

“Is she here yet? Oh hi!!” She pulls you into a big hug.

“You must be Penelope! I’ve heard so much about you. All of you. What about the infamous Dr. Reid? Is he here yet?” You nonchalantly ask.

“She’s developed a little bit of a crush on our good doctor.” Rossi spills.

“I have not!” You pout, embarrassed by this very true fact.

Everyone chuckles. The doorbell chimes loudly through the foyer.

“Uh oh, it’s your future husband.” David teases.

“Keep it up and I’ll pour your vintage scotch down the drain.” You retort. Rossi puts his hands up in defeat and goes to answer the door.

“Here’s the one I want you to meet! Spencer, this is our little star of the FBI academy!” Rossi boasts. Dr. Reid smiles and waves at you. You reach your hand out to shake his and he frowns. They were right. He’s literally so handsome I can barely think. You think. Barely.

“I don’t shake hands. Too many germs. It’s actually safer to kiss.” He tells you.

“Ok, come here then.” You reach out and pucker your lips. Spencer slowly backs away and clears his throat.

“Oh my god, wait no I was joking.” You quickly attempt to retrace what you said. Ever so embarrassed you quickly change the subject. Spencer smiles shyly.

“Anyways, um David told me you have an eidetic memory. I think that’s really fascinating. I actually couldn’t wait to meet you and have a conversation with you. I really really want to get to know more about you! Not that I was obsessed with you before even meeting you, definitely not the case. That would be weird. You’re really cool, I mean you seem cool because how would I know that. I never met you before. Although I was expecting more of a mad scientist look to be honest. You’re really attractive though, I mean your face is scientifically perfect I mean… you know what I’ll be right back” You ramble on and realize you’re embarrassing yourself. It’s not your fault. When you look at Spencer’s face your brain goes to mush.

You excuse yourself and try to run away to the safety of a nearby restroom. Someone grabs hold of your wrist despite the estimated germ count.

“I’d love to get to know you too.” Spencer’s smiling at you.

“You don’t think I’m a crazy rambler?” You ask, worriedly.

“I’m a bit of a rambler myself.” He chuckles and leads you to a nearby couch. You two end up talking for over an hour about everything. He tells you about his mother, his life in Vegas, and how he’s banned from multiple casinos which made you laugh so hard. You tell him stories of Rossi when you were growing up. The time Rossi had choked on some of his pasta when babysitting you and had spat it out through his nose. This makes Spencer crack up.

“Guys look.” Morgan motions to you two talking and laughing. Everyone else at the party looks over.

“I had a feeling they would get along.” Hotch breaks into a smile. Rossi however is scowling.

You leave to refill your root beer and David walks over to Spencer.

“Hey Rossi, she’s really fun to talk to. Thank you for inviting me tonight. I’m having so much fun.” Spencer smiles up at him.

Rossi plasters on a fake smile. “Are you?” Spencer nods happily. Rossi’s face grows serious and he leans in, “Good, because if you hurt her, just remember, I would know exactly how to get away with murder.” Rossi smiles at Spencer and pats his back and walks back to the party. Spencer swallows nervously.

“Wasn’t planning on it.” He whispers to himself.

“Wasn’t planning on what?” You walk back in and hand him an extra root beer.

“Nothing. Thanks.” Spencer smiles and opens his root beer.

“So tell me more about when you got kidnapped by a cult leader?” You ask eagerly.

“Well this guy, his name was Benjamin Cyrus. We infiltrated his cult by pretending to be child protective services. Me and Emily got caught in the middle of crossfire. SWAT shot at them, they shot back, and put us all in danger.” He tells you everything about that case. You watch in awe at the way he talks. “Rossi actually brought them fried chicken with a microphone bug in the bucket.” Spencer laughs recalling the silly detail.

“Mmm sounds delicious.”

Rossi has been keeping his eye on you two. You look really happy but he likes having Spencer terrified of him. Your back is to Rossi and when Spencer makes eye contact. Rossi points at you and then Spencer and makes a cutting motion on his throat. This makes Spencer nervous. You notice him turn pale and turn around. You see Rossi is just playing cards with Aaron.

Penelope goes around passing out liquor to everyone. “Bottles for everyone!” She cheers over and over slurring her words. Morgan wrangles her to sit back down, stumbling, also intoxicated. You down your bottle and Spencer watches in shock.

You get crazier and Spencer goes to put the bottle Penelope had handed him, back in the kitchen. You’re dancing or trying to anyway. Spencer accidentally bumps you and you pull him down with you. The bottle in his hand breaks and splashes all over you both. Rossi hears a loud crash and comes into the kitchen.

“What the hell happened in here!” Rossi shouts noticing the red liquid trickling everywhere and you, in a now-red stained dress.

“We fell.” You and Spencer say at the same time.

You giggle, “Jinx!”

“You know the origin of the jinx was actually-“

“Clean this up brainiac!” Rossi cuts him off and hands Spencer a sponge.

“Yes sir.” Spencer falls to his knees and starts scrubbing. You notice the room felt hotter as he did so. Was it the weather or the sight of Spencer working hard?

“I’m sorry you got red wine all over you. You looked really nice. Not that you don’t look nice anymore. You look beautiful. I just feel bad your clothes got stained now.”

“Of all the days to wear a white dress. You’re lucky you’re cute Dr. Reid.”

You pick up a different sponge and help him clean.

“You don’t need to help.” He starts.

“It was partly my fault. Plus I know he’s gonna come in here and try to see if he can see his reflection in the tile. If he can’t,” You make a cracking sound and air-motion bending something, Spencer presumes to be, his neck if the red wine doesn’t come up.

“The guys so rich he can afford someone to professionally clean.” Spencer laughs at this.

“I know! One time when I was seven I accidentally spilled some jam and he told me if I didn’t clean it, all the jam in the world would disappear and I could never eat it ever again.”

Spencer opens his mouth in shock, “That is so mean!”

“It worked though.” You say while scrubbing the floor harder. He laughs so loud. Something he noticed he hadn’t done in a long time.

You decide to push his buttons a little since practically none of the wine got on him. You flick some water and soap at him.

“Hey!” He splashes you with some water back.

You stand up and discreetly grab the water sprayer on the sink and turn it on full blast. Spencer yells and with no way to defend himself, tries to stop the water with his hands. Penelope and Morgan run in and you spray them. Everyone’s laughing so hard you don’t see Emily come up behind you with a bucket of water. She throws it on you and you scream.

“ITS COLD!”

Hotch and Rossi walk in and shake their heads in disbelief.

“I’m disappointed in you all,” Hotch starts. Everyone stops and fearfully looks at him. “for not including me in the fun!” He grabs the water sprayer from you and splashes Rossi. While you’re all fooling around you notice a groundbreaking discovery. Spencer’s lilac purple shirt is completely see through and soaked. His nipples are even hard from the cold water. Hot damn.

You show up behind him and squeeze his hand and pull him to one of the bedrooms. You both lean in and kiss softly. You attack his lips with kisses and soon the kisses mesh together and become messier. He’s moaning into your mouth while you attempt to rip his shirt off.

“Wait.” He stops you. You pull away confused. “If Rossi’s upset about some red wine won’t he be more upset if we get… you know what on the bed?”

“Cum?” You ask. Spencer makes a disgusted face at your choice of words. “Nah only if he comes through with a black light.”

“No I meant the…stains.” He points at your dress, his face completely red.

“Oh this?” You motion to your now red dress. You reach behind you and untie your dress, letting it fall to the ground. You stand in front of him completely bare. Good thing you chose to not wear anything under it this evening.

You start to hum a song while you stalk towards him. When you push him back on the bed you hear a loud knock at the door.

“AHHHHHHHH” Spencer screams while covering his crotch with a blanket. You simply pick your soaked dress off the ground and sloppily put it back on. Rossi continues pounding his fist on the door.

“Tie me.” You command.

“Huh?” Spencer looks up confused and disoriented. You motion to the back of the dress and Spencer ties a cute bow with the strings. His nimble fingers moving as quickly as they’ll allow. He thinks Rossi’s fist might soon break through the door. You calmly walk to the door and carefully turn the knob.

“Hello.” You smile sweetly.

He simply crosses his arms and glares at Spencer. “Both of you, out. Now. I don’t even want to think about what you were thinking of doing in my guest bedroom young lady.” He wags his finger at you. When Spencer stands up to leave, Rossi stops him with his hand.

“Remember what I said I’d do if you hurt her. She’s like a daughter to me.”

“I-I-I won’t David, I was actually going to ask your permission. If I ma-maybe could take her on a date?” Rossi’s eyebrows raise at Spencer’s request, as if to say, tell me more. “I think she’d enjoy a film fest, they’re playing some old monster movies down at the drive in, some are in Russian, but that’s alright because I could translate to her. I’ll have her home by 11:30 I promise.” Spencer’s stumbling over his words nervously.

Rossi bursts out laughing, “Kid she doesn’t live with me anymore. She’s an adult. You don’t need my permission. Hope you two have fun. I was only worried about my sheets!” He runs to the bed fixing the creases you two had made.

After that he asked you if you’d like to go, of course you said yes. That Saturday night you two had so much fun and fell in love even more.

the end :)

pls pls tell me some of u thought this was even a little bit funny

actually pls tell me if u enjoyed this at all

i’m laughing so hard writing the part about his nipples help

fun fact when i wrote the part about reader wearing a white dress i was listening to this

[glyhpsrfvckincol]

Random owlhouse hc idea fo you

Reader barely gets called their actual name and is called a nickname to the point no one really know their name til someone asks if their name is actually the nickname and reader is like “ ha no”

My main thing is their nickname is a animal Mabye because their palismen is it

Nicknames || The Owl House

Synopsis - Various TOH characters asking if your nickname, which corresponds to your Palismen, is your real name.

Warnings - Many references.

Okay, side note.

My Palismen, he’s a frog with axolotl gills. 100% contemplating if I should add a shark fin. I don’t know what to colour him yet:(

Anyway-

A/n - If you want a part with the adults, let me know :D

Requests are opened; headcanons only

A list of nicknames corresponding to certain animals:

↳ Ferrets = Ferry (pronounced - fairy), kit

↳ Frogs = Froggy, Froppy, Mcfly, Kermit, Amphibia, Sprigs

↳ Birds = Chickie, Chica, Beaks, Fumikage, Ellie (I dunno know, your palismen might be an eagle), karasu (crow in japanese, according to google), Hedwig

↳ Duck = Ducky, Duckus, Qaucker, Waddles, Snickers

↳ Pig = Mabel, Waddles

↳ Cat = Garfield, Sphynx, Ghoul (corresponds to amity’s Palismen), kitkat, whiskers

↳ Deer = Antler, Specks (some deer have white dots on there fur, and it’s super pretty!), velvet (for when their antlers regrow), Bambi

↳ Spider = Webbs, Charlotte, Fang, Silky

Amity Blight

↳ You got your palismen when you were relatively young. Like 5 or sum-

↳ And your parents had given you a nickname based of your palismen. Cause the both of you are absolutely adorable.

↳ So, basically the only time they used your real name is used when you were in trouble. (Good luck, lol)

↳ Anyway, Amity has known you as N/n for years at this point. You introduced yourself to her as N/n, everyone has always called you N/n, and you even write N/n as your name on tests.

↳ So she had no reason to suspect your name was infact different from what she and everyone else knew it as.

↳ Until you had been called in as a suspect of being involved with the human girl by Belos, where he had written your birth name on the letter you’d been sent.

↳ Amity was shocked. And very confused.

↳ Amity when she read your name on the letter:

↳ So she questioned you.

↳ “N/n, has one of Belos coven scouts messed up who the letter was for?”

↳ You: ”???🤨 no?”

↳ ???

↳ “But, N/n, I’m almost certain your name isn’t Y/n, or did they just mix your name up?”

↳ And now we’ve found the problem.

↳ Amity doesn’t know your real name!!

↳ “Amity, I’ve just realised I’ve never told you my legal name is Y/n.”

↳ “But, you write N/n on where you sign your name, even school work.”

↳ “Oh, right, when my parents put me in Hexside, they were given an option on the paperwork that I would be able to have a preferred name, and they put N/n as the optional option.”

↳ “Oh.”

↳ Amity questions everything now. Mainly things to do with you and Luz.

Edric Blight

↳ He dumb, but it’s okay cause so am I. ✊😔

↳ He thought your Palismen was based off of your name so…

↳ Emira slapped him upside the head.

↳ He felt bad, cause he thought he was the only one who called you that.

↳ “I’m really sorry if you felt offended by me calling you P/n, I just thought they were based off of you.”

↳ :(

↳ Our poor boy 😭😭

↳ “Edric, it’s okay! I kind of told you it was my nickname, so I can’t blame you.”

↳ It’s best to tell him you prefer being called N/n, seeing as he will continue to feel like shit if you don’t.

↳ Now, he will either call you Y/n or N/n, just depends what comes to mind when he is either addressing you or talking to you.

↳ It confuses a lot of people, human and witches alike.

Emira Blight

↳ Asked you after a few days of being your friend.

↳ “So your Palismen, you have a nickname that matches it?”

↳ “Yeah.”

↳ “Cool.”

↳ Will tease you about it though, telling you it’s the cutest thing she’s EVER seen.<3

↳ Fastest to figure it out, everyone else took at least a few weeks.

Gus Porter

↳ Depending on the timeline, and wether you’re a witch, human or some other specie, also impacts how you got your nickname.

↳ Gus learns your name when you and him get put in detention.

↳ Principal Bump has caught you, Luz and Gus sneaking around Hexside, and throws you 3 + Matt into detention.

↳ Detention shrieks your names, before attempting to catch you and lock you in its pods.

↳ Gus is to terrified to question it about right then and there, but he does after Luz is accepted into Hexside.

↳ “Detention called you Y/N. How come?”

↳ “It’s my name??”

↳ *insert little dorky smirk*

↳ Gus just nods, also smiling.

↳ “Both your name and nickname are cool.”

↳ He gives you a fist bump, partly cause your names are awesome, mostly cause surviving detention is not only difficult but equally terrifying and it’s respectable you got out with him and Luz.

↳ Rip Matt.

Hooty

↳ He gives you a nickname within a nickname.

↳ And then forgets your nickname.

↳ But it’s okay cause we love him all the same!

↳ Hooty is always shocked when Luz or Eda call you by your nickname, cause that’s not your name!

↳ Was even more shocked when he learned your name was actually Y/n.

↳ “But I call you H/n (Hooty’s Nickname), and everyone else calls you N/n! How are neither your real name!?”

↳ Ensues him beating the coven scouts harder the next time they try to arrest Eda.

↳ Hooty forgets your name again btw.

↳ Just let him think H/n is your name to avoid maximum chaos.

Hunter Noceda

↳ He meets you during the hunting Palismen episode. You and Luz had been sitting in the little house the bat queen had for the babies so she could have a Palismen.

↳ You had gotten your Palismen the day before along with the rest of your class and Luz gave you several nicknames, trying to figure out which ones would suit you and your baby best.

↳ It took her 20 minutes I shall add.

↳ Anyway- when Hunter came to take the Palismen back to Belos, he heard Luz use your nickname, and just assumed it was your real name.

↳ This dork however, didn’t bother using your ‘name’ and instead called you ‘wild witch’. Any witch associated with the human is known as a wild witch.

↳ Basically up until you’re all in the human realm, Hunter only knows you as N/n, and doesn’t really question you about whatsoever.

↳ Then Luz introduces all of you to Vee and Camila, where she uses your real name.

↳ “And this is Y/n, but we all call them N/n cause it matches their Palismen.”

↳ Hunter just stands there, processing the information.

↳This boy is so clueless, that he asks you about, wanting you to confirm it.

↳ “N/n isn’t your real name like Luz said, right?”

↳ “Yeah, it’s actually Y/n, Luz is the one who gave me the nickname.”

↳ “Oh.”

↳ And then he continues on with his day.

↳ Will use either your nickname or real name, it’s just whatever comes to mind when he talks to you.

King

↳ Met you through Luz, as one of her first friends:D

↳ He just called you a puny mortal. At first at least.

↳ He slowly shifted into calling you N/n, as he got closer to you.

↳ King knew that your name was odd, but he didn’t question it. Mainly cause last time he questioned something, Tinella Nosa appeared.

↳ And with Eda giving you nicknames, as well as Luz, it just confuses him a tad bit more.

↳ King wants to ask you, just to stop being confused.

↳ But he’s shy, and ask Luz for help.

↳ “Conejito, what was the inspiration behind N/n?”

↳ king is just sitting on her shoulder.

↳ “P/n. When I first got them, my dad just started calling me N/n. I guess everyone caught on cause no one calls me Y/n anymore.”

↳ King: 😲

↳ King just stares into your soul. He didn’t actually think N/n wasn’t you’re real name, just thought it was an odd name.

↳ For a little after this, he’ll switch between your names, sounding very unsure whenever he says it, u til it just becomes natural again.

Luz Noceda

↳ Eda definitely gave you the nickname.

↳ Eda’s probs given you near to a few 100 by now.

↳ So Luz knew you as N/n.

↳ Because that’s how Eda introduced you to Luz.

↳ Luz found out what your real name was when Gus used it to greet you back in “I Was a Teenage Abomination.”

↳ “Wait, is N/n just another one of Eda’s nicknames?!? 😱

↳ You: 😊

↳ You just smile innocently at her, like Dustin Henderson when he was 12-

↳ Luz just questions life. Forever. Will give you her own nickname.

Matt Tholomule

↳ He got so annoyed when he found out. Like how dare you >:(

↳ Only he was supposed to lie about his name.

↳ “Neither of us lied though? You have everyone call you by your full name and I just had a nickname related to my Palismen.”

↳ But he don’t listen to reason. He a petty bitch-

↳ Matt found out via Steve.

↳ Let’s set the scene.

↳ You and Matt, hanging out, and it just so happens to be Steve’s off day.

↳ He walks past Matt’s room as the two of you are arguing over what a humans favourite food is.

↳ He thinks it’s normal for humans to eat actual eggs. As in the shells.

↳ You’re probably friends with Luz, which means it’s more than likely come up in conversation when you’ve offered her food.

↳ “Ohhhh, you’re Shiba’s nibling, Y/n, right?”

↳ “Huh? That’s not her name Dumbass! Now get out!”

↳ “I’m not in your room though, I’m standing outside it.” 😌😌

↳ Which lead to a conversation about you lying to him.

↳ As if HE didn’t lie either.

↳ “Matt, shut up, and stop telling people your first name is Mattholomule, you sound dumb.”

↳ “Hypocrite.”



The Collector

↳ He never asked your name. Just called you play date, or best friend.

↳ Doesn’t even fathom the idea of you having your own name besides the one he gave you.

↳ Until King accidentally used your birth name.

↳ King knew you from adventures he had with Luz, seeing as you were his friend too.

↳ You just got unlucky, and got very stuck in the demon realm.

↳ Yes, you’re forced to call her ‘mom Odalia’-

↳ And when Collector found out, he was so confused.

↳ Like ??? What do you mean the name I gave you isn’t your real name?? You’re so mean! :(

↳ How dare you! >:(

Vee Noceda

↳ She figured it out on her own. (Cause she smart🤓)

↳ When she first met you, she also met your Palismen.

↳ “You and your Palismen match really well!”

↳ Yes, that is how she starts the conversation, give out baby a break >:(

↳ Vee is smiling at you, rubbing her hands and is swinging back and forth on her feet.

↳ “Uh, yeah! P/n really cool! They can do this thing! It’s-“

↳ And your dorkly explain every cool thing your Palismen can do!

↳ “That’s epic! It’s also really cool you’re nickname matches them!”

↳ God bless you a-dork-able nerds!

Willow Park

↳ Willow suspected NOTHIN’.

↳ Just thought it was a coincidence or that your Palismen was passed down to you! This depends on the timeline.

↳ For a very long time, she knew you as N/n.

↳ But when you, her, Gus and Luz get called to principal Bumps office, that changed quickly.

↳ “Y/N, I taught your parents, I know they wouldn’t approve of this behaviour.”

↳ You may or may not have set fire to one of the school rooms…

↳ Y/n?? Huh?

↳ Since the 4 of you were being lectured, Willow made sure to ask you later.

↳ “Uh N/n, do you have another name? Cause I’m principal Bumps office he called you… something else.”

↳ She forget what Principal Bump addressed you as, but that was fine!

↳ “Oh! Yeah, my legal name is Y/n. Boscha started calling me N/n in a teasing way but others thought it was meant to be affectionately and also started calling me that. It’s a cute nickname so I don’t mind.”

↳ “Oh… are you comfortable with me calling you N/n?”

↳ My sweet baby!

↳

[raythekiller]

I really wanna see (if u wanna write it) JTK, Toby, ej, masky and hoodie platonically with a new recruit that’s a child (around Sally’s age, maybe a bit younger, like around 8-9. sad backstory, blah blah blah) but instead of being like fanon Sally (sweet, joyous, innocent) they’re literally just a little shit. Like shenanigans, swearing, pranks and being immature? (Even though they all find the kid strangely endearing and funny) so basically the kid is just a COMPLETE troublemaker, but also have a kinda sweet and soft side like most kids.

🗒 ❛ Troublemaker Child Reader ༉‧₊˚✧

Featuring: Jeff The Killer, Ticci Toby, Eyeless Jack, Masky, Hoodie

#Notes: this one was so funny to write lmaoo

pronouns used: they/them

˗ˏˋ back to navigation ´ˎ˗

꒰⸝⸝₊⛓┊Jeff The Killer

I swear he tries to be nice at first. He'll look at them and go "Awe, hey there little g-" "You're ugly as shit." "..." Yeah, someone better get that kid away or they're getting stabbed. Legit just develops beef with the toddler so now they have kind of this rivalry going on. I'm talking full blown prank wars. Everybody is just looking at Jeff weird because you're a grown ass man? And they're a literal child? But the dispute doesn't slow down until one day the kid actually gets slightly hurt because of one of his pranks and starts crying, to which he'll genuinely feel bad and patch them up while apologizing. It's a cute bonding moment.

꒰⸝⸝₊⛓┊Ticci Toby

Thinks that the kid is funny as hell. Doesn't mind it when they sass him, he'll just laugh and pat their head, but loves it when they do it to others. Just the reaction of sheer horror on their face at this 8 year old cussing them out makes his day every single time it happens. Will absolutely help them prank others or just cause trouble in general - they're officially partners in crime now. One night, they come up to him and ask him to check for monsters under the bed, to which he just smiles and ruffles their hair, checking every corner of the room that a "monster" could be hiding in and even offers to read them a bed time story. It's super cute, he's a surprisingly good big brother figure.

꒰⸝⸝₊⛓┊Eyeless Jack

Total dad figure. Tries to "reform" the kid and teach them proper manners and to stop messing with others, which barely even works. Scolds them when they misbehave, but nothing too serious, more of a "I'm not mad, just disappointed" kind of talk. Will also apologize to the people they mess with, almost like he's the one legally responsible for the toddler (which he's not). There was one time where he caught them drawing something on the walls with crayons and was about to give them a talking to again, until he noticed it was a drawing of him. He had to stop for a second cause he genuinely didn't know if he should be mad or flattered, but ends up hugging them anyway.

꒰⸝⸝₊⛓┊Masky

Hates the little shit and asks Slenderman on a daily basis why he recruited them, to which he doesn't answer. Will just kind of drag the kid by the back of the collar whenever they're about to go cause some trouble, dragging them away. He's absolutely not happy about having to babysit, but he can't exactly go against the boss' orders. He doesn't warm up to them at all until they catch a cold someday and he's the one tasked to take care of them. Seeing them so vulnerable and weak made him genuinely feel bad, and he doesn't leave their side for a second until they're fully recovered, even sleeping by the side of their bed.

꒰⸝⸝₊⛓┊Hoodie

Another one who finds them funny as shit. Will at most tell them to be careful about not hurting themselves while pranking other people, no actual scolding ever coming from him. I already mentioned that he's good with kids, he's just got that cool uncle vibe to him. He already likes the kid, imagine the one day he walks into his room to see them wearing his clothes, trying to pick up his guitar which was about their size, all because they "Wanna be cool like uncle Brian!"? He might actually cry.

[ottogatto]

I would like to submit two ideas because I think I'm poking something but not going in fully, so I would very much like your opinions and additions about it (of course, as long as they remain in good faith *side eyes possible antis viewing my post*).

Marauders and surface-level rebellion

I've finally put to words something that really bothered me with the Marauders, though I don't know the name for it.

It started when I read a reblog that said:

I remember Brennan saying “laws are just structured threats made by the ruling socioeconomic class” during an episode of D20 and we truly just had to stan immediately

This is something dear privileged white woman Rowling didn't realize/understand well, since she held a high socioeconomical status even during her """poverty""" stage. It's known that, despite seeming to be defending ideas of fighting against fascism and "pureblood" supremacy in favor of acceptance of the other, her books reek of colonialism/imperalism. The story of the Marauders, a gang of privileged boys like her, is an in-world replica of that problem where Rowling betrays yet again her actual mindset.

The Marauders adopt the "bad boys who break rules" to get style, while completely losing/staining the moral sense in it.

Let's take piracy.

Some people pirate stuff because they consider that the stuff they'd like to get comes from unethical companies that abuse their employees or use modern slavery, or people who spread harm against certain minorities (like Rowling against trans people and thus the LGBT+ community), so while they may want to access the content, they don't want to give them money and might even encourage pirating their stuff to make them lose money.

Some pirate stuff because otherwise it's lost due to unfortunate "terms of use" -- see video games companies like Ubisoft (deletes gaming account after a while), Nintendo (does not bring back old games), etc.

Others pirate stuff because they just don't have the money but they still want to try the stuff that might make them happy and forget that they're poor -- reasoning that the company isn't losing any money anyway, or not much, since they wouldn't have been able to pay for it in any case.

Others pirate stuff because they consider the price ridiculously high or they consider it shouldn't be something to pay for at all. (Like education stuff -- isn't education supposed to be free for all, so that it can actually uphold everyone's fundamental and unconditional ( = not conditioned by wealth...) right to have an education? Oh and before anyone asks: I've DEFINITELY bought the ~15 expensive books that's roughly worth 500€ in total and that my uni asked I buy to study and get my degree...)

Rowling's Marauders is a group that would pirate stuff just because they'd think it would give them an edge, because they'd think it would make them cool to be seen as "talented" hackers who "defy" companies. Companies... that their own friends and families would own, and as such, would find that kind of behavior funny and entertaining (while they would trash other people around for considering it).

Another example. In society, in history, it's been proven time and again that breaking rules -- going against the law -- is an eventuality that's important for everyone to consider, if they want to defend their rights. Anti-racism, feminism, LGBT Pride, etc, advanced because people broke rules. In USA states where abortion is currently being banned, women and minors (+ their close ones) must now consider breaking the rules to get an abortion. (Privileged people don't give a fuck about those people, and if they suddenly decide that (moral) rules don't apply to them and they will get an abortion, they will just take a plane ticket to a country where abortion is legal, fiddling with legal stuff if necessary thanks to the lawyers their fortunes can afford and the lobbies that they're instituting.)

Revolutions happened because people broke rules too. I particularly like the 1793 Constitution in France Because it asserts that the people have the right to break rules and riot if the power in place threatens their fundamental rights:

Article 35. - Quand le gouvernement viole les droits du peuple, l'insurrection est, pour le peuple et pour chaque portion du peuple, le plus sacré des droits et le plus indispensable des devoirs. Article 35. - When the government violates the people's rights, insurrection is, for the people and for each portion of the people, the most sacred of rights and the most essential of duties.

(Of course the power in place would state and enforce and make use of propaganda to say that it's completely illegal and illegetimate and that those who riot for legitimate rights are terrorists!)

Breaking rules is at the core of anti-fascism, anti-dictatorship, anti-totalitarianism. Breaking rules is essential when those rules are abusive. Too often, those who put those rules in place really are only setting their rules of the game to establish their power over the others. Or as the reblog says: "laws are just structured threats made by the ruling socioeconomic class".

Rowling's Marauders break rules because they are the socioeconomical class in power. As such, no one can do anything about it, no one will really tell them down for it. They get excused and justified and romanticized by their peers, just like billionaires & politicians are excused by their peers and notably mainstream media (which is owned... by other billionaires). They break rules -- not because they think it's necessary and the morally right thing to do despite the dangers it puts them in -- but because it makes them feel powerful, important, invincible, which for them is very fun. As Snape says: James and his cronies broke rules because they thought themselves above them:

“Your father didn’t set much store by rules either,” Snape went on, pressing his advantage, his thin face full of malice. “Rules were for lesser mortals, not Quidditch Cup-winners. [...]”

They break rules because they're allowed to.

Which is why, in reality, the Marauders aren't really breaking rules or defying anything or opposing an actual big threat. They're a bunch of jocks who are having fun in the playground that's been attributed to them thanks to their status and family heritage (others wouldn't get the same indulgence because they don't get that privilege).

They break rules because they want to look cool, to be the "bad boys". The message has been compleyely botched. Especially with Lily actually finding this hot.

Because Rowling finds this hot:

[...] I shook hands with a woman who leaned forward and whispered conspiratorially, 'Sirius Black is sexy, right?' And yes, of course she was right, as the Immeritus club know. The best-looking, most rebellious, most dangerous of the four marauders... and to answer one burning question on the discussion boards, his eyes are grey.

(Anyone has an eyes washing station?)

Another quote:

"Sirius was too busy being a big rebel to get married."

(Nevermind the eyes washing, anyone's got some bleach instead?)

Stanning James Potter for being the leader of a gang that prides itself on breaking rules and always getting away with it -- it feels like stanning Elon Musk for being "innovative" and "a daring entrepreneur" despite being a manchild who exploits workers and modern-world slavery to play with his billions while always getting away with it.

They're not being "rebels" -- they're being bullies and flexing the fact they can get away with it thanks to abundance of privilege. Those are the tastes of a posh British white woman. She wanted the facade -- not the substance (that is, if she ever understood it).

You might say that they did oppose a big threat, the Death Eaters, but again, it's botched because:

they target a lonely, unpopular boy who's best friends with a Muggleborn Gryffindor, rather than baby Death Eaters like Mulciber, Lucius, Rosier, Avery, Regulus, etc.

The leader sexually harasses the Muggleborn Gryffindor because he's sexually jealous of the unpopular boy who dared not take the insult about his chosen House and shut up. Lily is treated as an object, they don't listen to her, and they barely speak about her later. (Lots to say to show that, which I won't do here because this is not the main subject.)

When the Marauders do join the Order, they do it... because they primarily want to adopt a rock-n-roll style and play the "bad boys" again. Or at least that's the message that's given to the reader:

They seemed to be in their late teens. The one who had been driving had long black hair; his insolent good looks reminded Fisher unpleasantly of his daughter's guitar-playing, layabout boyfriend. The second boy also had black hair, though his was short and stuck up in all directions; he wore glasses and a broad grin. Both were dressed in T-shirts emblazoned with a large golden bird; the emblem, no doubt, of some deafening, tuneless rock band.

(God, the Prequel is so cringy.)

They don't choose Dumbledore as the Secret Keeper, they don't tell him they changed to Pettigrew -- even though he literally was their war leader -- James uses the Cape to fuck around even though he was supposed to be hiding with Lily and then Harry (until Dumbledore takes the Cape from him)... and eventually, their group exploded, with James killed off, Sirius thrown to Azkaban, Peter (the traitor) hiding as a rat and Lupin going off to find jobs to survive.

Why did that happen? Because they thought of playing their part in the Order like going on a teenage adventure rather than engaging in a resistance organization. It was, first and foremost, about playing "the bad boys" and having fun.

(Harry half-inherits this. While he doesn't break rules just to look cool, and actually has several moments where he does break rules because it's the right thing to do -- like under Umbridge or, of course, when Voldemort takes power -- he does often get pampered when he breaks them in his earlier years. By Dumbledore, but also McGonagall, however much Rowling tries to sell her as a "strict but fair" teacher. Or by Slughorn, now that I think about it. That's something that enraged Snape, as it brought up memories of Harry's father -- Snape's own bully -- getting the same treatment.)

It's not a coincidence that Rowling not only failed to properly convey through the Marauders the true value of breaking rules, but also lusted over them for adopting that "bad boys" trope. It speaks to her own privilege -- she who never had to put herself in danger and go against the law in a risky attempt to protect herself or other less privileged people.

(Here's a useful read to expand on those worldbuilding issues.)

2. Dark Magic, obscurantism and conservatism

For context: Opinion: The Dark Magic/Light Magic Dichotomy is Nonsense (by pet_genius).

The idea of "Dark Magic" as something that's repeatedly told to be "evil" magic and where you cross the line of the forbidden, while hardly putting in question that notion that was (for some reason) enforced by wizard society, is another blatant example of Rowling betraying her mindset of privileged British white woman.

Rowling couldn't put herself in the minds of a society of "outcasts (witches & wizards) deeply enough to consider they would not see any magic as "Dark" at all (being a ""Muggle"" concept), or that Dark magic is only magic that requires something unvaluable to be traded off -- like one's soul or health or life or sanity. Instead, she has Dark Magic defined as "evil" magic, even though her own books show that you can do evil stuff with normal magic, and that you can do morally good stuff with Dark magic. This thing happened because Rowling could not think past her own little world and instead she poured a conservatist mentality (+ typical "Muggle", anti-witch prejudice) into the HP (wizard society) worldbuilding without considering that there could, in fact, be fundamental differences between the two worlds that include thinking of magic differently. (This has a lot to do with Rowling's wizard world being a pro-imperalism fest.)

"Dark Magic" feels like a lazy, badly-executed plot device to tell the reader who's a good guy and who is not. Because of course, that's how things work in real-life, huh… (Did she ever hear of "don't tell, show"?) It's used as an excuse to define who's evil (teen Severus) or not (James), who's worthy or not -- not how their magic was used. Which is a BIG problem:

“I’m just trying to show you they’re not as wonderful as everyone seems to think they are.” The intensity of his gaze made her blush. “They don’t use Dark Magic, though.” / “Scourgify!” Pink soap bubbles streamed from Snape’s mouth at once; the froth was covering his lips, making him gag, choking him —

Even worse, Rowling doesn't follow her own in-world moral framework. Dark magic is acceptable for some people (Rowling's partial self-inserts: Dumbledore, Harry, Hermione to Marietta...) but not for those that Rowling hates (Snape, who ironically represents the closest thing to rebelling by unapologetically obsessing over the Dark Arts). Again, this is at best unadressed in-world hypocrisy, at worst an expression of in-world and out-universe privilege (I get to do this and stay a good guy, but you don't).

There could have easily been rightful criticism of whatever could be defined as "Dark Magic". What if Dark magic was just something defined as "Dark" usually because the power in place doesn't want the people to touch it? Is abortion or contraception or a sex-altering or a goverment-threatening spell, Dark Magic? Is foreign or ethnicity-specific or female-centered or queer-centered magic, "Dark"? How about showing why (Muggle-raised but also neurodivergent) Severus thought Dark magic was so great, showing his point of view, while also establishing where the true limits are? If Lily can't be the one who sees past the "fear-mongering anti-intellectualism/propaganda", how about Harry being the one who does, thanks to him relating to Snape on a personal level? How about making Hermione go from someone who condems Dark Magic, to someone who entirely changes her point of view and understands that this is all bullshit -- effectively showing the dangers of only following what the books say, without putting them into question or thinking by yourself? How about a nuanced view of Dark magic as something that requires a significant sacrifice, which is conceivable for something they see as equally or even more important [Lily's life for Harry; Snape's soul integrity for Dumbledore]? How about making the Death Eaters, people who deviate that legitimate interest, rather than just evil guys who thrive in Dark magic for its supposed added evilness? How about showing that Dark magic was just a notion invented by Muggles to throw "witches" (real or not) to the burning stakes -- later taken by the witches and wizards in power to define, in the magical community, what was okay or definitely forbidden because it's the trademark of those who represent a threat to the magical community (understand: people who riot or strike or protest against the ruling socioeconomical class' politics)?

But there was none of that.

"Dark" magic in HP merely seems to be a weird concept that at best accidentally takes the form of an in-world obscurantism, at worst is just the trademark of someone who cannot imagine a "hunted, ostracized" community with a different culture and mindset than her own. Aggravating is the fact that she used "Dark magic" as a plot device to magically cast some people as good and others as never bad – again, probably reflecting her own questionable mentality.

The fact Rowlnig invented the notion of Dark Magic and had her world consider it seriously as an evil thing instead of being open-minded seems to be less telling of her wishes to show a wizard society that can be as prejudiced as the muggle one, and more of her own bizarre world where you must be evil if you are knowledgeable in or interested in certain "taboo" things (RIP neurodivergents).

Rowling glorifies the Trio and the Marauders for breaking rules. Yet when it comes to actually breaking expectations and norms, notably in the wizarding society -- like the use of another magical species as slaves, or the blatant anti-Muggle prejudice held by everyone including "good guys" (or anti-centaur while we're at it), or stupid anti-knowledge prejudice like "Dark magic is evil" -- there is none of that. At best, it's surface-level opposition that comes out as white savior syndrome. At worst, the protagonists make it their noble code to enforce those norms, and "sinful" characters (Snape, for one) are punished for not conforming. Too often, those sinful characters are punished by the "good guys" with the very thing that they apparently oppose so fervently.

Without ever adressing the fact that those characters were ("morally") allowed to do that because it was just, in the end, a matter of who gets the privilege to do that, and who does not.

There.

Do you have anything to say to develop on those ideas? I feel like I'm reaching my knowledge limit and I'd like to see if those ideas can be expanded.

[strangemaleswaps]

Strange Leather Bar Swap

Today's my 21st birthday and you know what that means! I'm finally able to take my first sip of alcohol…well legally anyway! But I didn't want to go to just any gay bar, I wanted to go to a leather bar in the city! I'm a leather fetishist for sure, even though I don't own any real gear. The only leather item I own is a jacket I got at a thrift shop awhile back. I want to buy better gear, but it's not the best idea since I'm still closeted to my judgmental family in the small town I live in. I do have a car and license though, so I'm happy to be able to escape all that when I need to.

I drove to the nearest city to find the leather bar, a super tall building that you could see from the distance. I've always wondered why it was so tall; it had to be at least 5 stories! If it's just a bar, it shouldn't have more than two floors though right? I was about to solve the mystery because, proudly wearing my leather jacket, I walked up to the bouncer at the door.

"Hey kid, can I see some ID please?" I was a little intimidated, but knowing that I am in fact old enough, I was reassured. I proudly presented the ID to the bouncer. He gave one long look at it, then beamed at me.

"Hey, happy birthday kid! Hope your first legal's good."

"Thanks!" He opened the door for me.

"Enjoy Swap Night too! It's really fun."

"Oh…yeah I will!" I had no idea what Swap Night was, but it must be some kind of event.

Walking in was amazing. Everywhere I looked, there were hot leather guys in all shapes and sizes, with the fresh scent of leather in the air. I felt a little awkward though. Not only am I the youngest one there, but lots of guys were wearing kinky fetish gear too. When it wasn't a BLUF type uniform, it was harnesses and jockstraps. I really wish I owned their gear!

Walking through the crowd of sweaty leather men, I arrived at the bar. I sat on the stool and the bartender came over.

"What'll it be kid?

"Hmm." I'm not really sure actually. Thankfully he seemed to have read my mind.

"I get you, it's your first time right? Simple margarita it is."

"Sure." As he poured, he made eye contact with me.

"So, you excited for Swap Night? Should be starting pretty soon."

"Er, what exactly is it anyway? I didn't know about this."

"It's a whole lotta fun. Everyone in the bar swaps bodies with a partner."

"Really? Body swapping? That's so cool! Do you get to choose who?"

"Unfortunately not, it's random. But you do get to choose who to fuck!"

"Wait you can fuck?"

"Yep! It's an amazing experience."

"That sounds so cool! How do I sign up?"

"Over there." He pointed at the nearby table that had a stack of papers on it, along with a box. "Just sign there and put it in the box."

"Alright!” I finished my margarita, paid, and quickly headed over to the table. I filled out my information, signed the paper, and placed it in the box. A few minutes later a really hot guy walked onto the stage and took a microphone. He was wearing a leather jacket over a harness, along with a pair of chaps over his leather briefs. I swear he looked directly at me. I really hope I'm able to swap with him - or at least someone as hot as him!

"Hey all you leather men! It's time for Swap Night!" The crowd cheered. "Now if you just walk through that door, you'll find a bulletin board with a room number listed next to your name. In these rooms, you'll find the body swapping helmets. Put 'em on, wait until everyone's ready, and boom! New body! Now if you wanna fuck, there are plenty of playrooms to have some fun in, as well. You'll be body swapped until midnight, so when the clock strikes twelve, you'll automatically be put back in your original bodies. Any questions?"

Nobody had questions so we headed over through the door. We all crowded around trying to look for our names and I found mine - Room 503. The map on the wall nearby indicated that 503 was on the 5th floor so I walked in the elevator, standing behind a few other guys. The smell of leather and sweat filled the air and I could feel myself getting hard.

I reached the floor, found my room, and walked in. It was about the size of a typical hotel room but without furniture. There was a large window in the back. Looking through, I could see a good portion of the city. I turned to my left and saw the helmet sitting on a small side table, so I grabbed it, pushed the only button on it, and placed it on my head. Nothing happened at first but after about a minute, it started lighting up, and making buzzing noises. A blinding flash of light hit me in the face and when I opened my eyes, I was in another room.

I looked down to see my new body, excited to be swapped with a hot guy, but was met with a surprise. I was wearing a leather shirt with light blue stripes down the side, but it was bulging out in a ball shape. The blue tie I was wearing highlighted the curve even more, by arching over a shiny black balloon. I have a fucking ball gut! I poked it with my newly gloved hands, to prove it was real and…it was real all right! I grabbed it with both hands and shook it up and down, feeling vibrations throughout my body.

I'm fat! I've never been fat before, not even a little bit! At least I'm wearing leather gear. I took one hand and put it up to my nose to smell the glove. It was fucking amazing…the leather scent made me go stiff immediately. I couldn’t even see my own dick past the gut, but I sure could feel it! As I held the glove closer, I noticed my face felt a little fuzzy. I brushed under my nose and felt some facial hair. Oh god, I have a mustache! I looked around to find a mirror and saw one on the wall.

I looked at my reflection and was shocked at the sight. I'm not only fat, I'm old! I inspected my face closely, touching the mustache that spread across my face in an arch shape. This is weird but incredible! I’ve never been able to grow more than peach fuzz before and now I have a whole damn mustache! I had wrinkles under my eyes, on my forehead, and under my chin…actually no. That's a double chin! Even though I was grossed out, I started playing with it, pinching both my chins and neck. It was surreal.

I can't believe out of all the hot leather men I saw, I had to end up in the body of some fat old guy! Is this really supposed to be random? I couldn't have had worse luck! I've always wanted to own new gear but not like this! I turned to the side, staring at my new belly and holding it, jiggling it slightly as I grimaced at how far it stuck out. The leather shirt hugged it tightly in a way that no matter how much I tried to suck it in, it was still obvious. I took a moment to check out my entire leathered up body. In the mirror I could finally see the leather pants and boots I was wearing, along with a muir cap on top of my head.

So is this what it feels like wearing full gear? It really hugs my body…though maybe that's because I'm so big. I started to feel stiff, but this time, I think I was turned on by my body instead of the leather. That's funny though. I'm usually into younger to mid age fit guys, not silver daddies and bears, even if they're in leather. There's no ignoring the horny urges, though. I may not be able to see my dick but I can feel it! Maybe the body swapping causes an increase in sex drive? Well, whatever it is, I can't wait to try out this senior bod on some other guy…

[lazywitchling]

The Three-but-actually-Six Card Spread

I vote that we call this one Schrodinger's Spread, because I don't know whether I'm gonna draw three or six until I've already pulled the cards.

So, I used to try to do the usual three card spread. You know the one. Every tarot book lists it as Past Present Future, unless you have a quirky deck, and then they've probably rebranded it as something else. You can find lists of three card spreads with different questions to ask. IT'S A WHOLE THING. There's like. a whole three-card-spread industry or something. But anyway: it always confused me.

I am absolutely not a tarot expert. I put down three cards, and then I can stare at it for an hour going "I have no idea what this means." The standard guidebook keywords float through my head, but I wasn't sure how to make an actual READ out of that.

I started following @unhelpfultarot, who is anything but unhelpful. Seeing the daily two card pull and the way that the two cards are connected into (usually) a single sentence made the lightbulb come on. "Oh THAT'S how you do it!" So I started just reading two cards at a time, but as a single unit, like Lenormand. And once I got a handle on that, I started adding the third card back in. Then I'd have two pairs of cards to read! 1>2 and 2>3.

Well, at some point, I was like "Hey what happens if I put a card down below those three, and used that as a sort of connection-between-them card?"

So now it looks like this:

1 2 3 4 5

Where "4" is not its own answer, it's just what connects 1 and 2. The same thing for 5: it just connects 2 and 3 without being its own answer.

WELL, then I'm looking at that, and I said "Hey, now I've generated another pair, so I can lay down ANOTHER card to connect those two!

1 2 3 4 5 6

"Hey, Jes? That's... that's a six card spread..."

Shhhhhhhhh. Who asked you.

"Crow did."

Hush, imaginary reader.

Anyway, so now what I've got is the original read, the three most important cards, 1 2 3. And btw, this whole thing is usually to answer ONE SINGLE QUESTION, because-- actually, @windvexer explains it better than I can here. (HEY. YOU. DON'T SKIP THAT LINK, ACTUALLY CLICK IT, THANK YOU.)

So what I have now is one question that is answered by a sentence (1-2-3), with two cards that don't tell me NEW information but that tell me what each pair is saying to each other (4 and 5), with a final one that's sort of a TL;DR card (6).

"Jes. That is a six card spread."

CORRECT, and as @upthewitchypunx and others have said, if I were charging money for this, yes absolutely this is a six card spread, and you're not getting it for 50% off.

BUT HERE'S HOW THE WHOLE THING HAPPENS IN A REAL WORLD SCENARIO

I pick up my tarot deck. I think "I'm going to do a three card reading." I pull three cards, lay them down, read. If they make sense, cool, I put them away and move on.

If I get confused though, then it's upside-down pyramid time, and I'll lay down the other three. This either results in "Ohhhhhh okay, THAT'S what it's saying," or I confuse myself EVEN more (which is very easy to do).

In that case, it's still living in my head as a three-card-spread, because that's the important part that I'm actually reading. But if I set out to pull the inverted pyramid from the get-go, then it's a six-card-spread.

This is where I'm legally obliged to put PREMEDITATED in all caps for @friend-crow

My joking answer, which wasn't FULLY a joke, is that nothing I do is premeditated. I don't MEAN for there to be six cards, but here they are now, and I've got more important questions than "is this still a three-card-spread or is it now a six-card-spread?"

At that point it's like the tarot equivalent of "Is a hot dog a sandwich" and would just trip me up when I'm just trying to eat a hot dog. The answer is "WHO CARES! I got things to do."

(@asksecularwitch 'cause you also had thinky thoughts about all this, and I wanted you to see the upside down pyramid!)

[musclemanveryregular]

Anyway read this please

Mordecai is unphased when Shazzan magics up them some ice cream flavored like his happiest memory but rigby is amazed at how quickly the magical man can do it. Mordecai insists that, "dude, I've already seen that trick a hundred times."

"Yeah, whatever, man. It's just cool! He uses magic, how many other people do you know who can do magic?!"

Behind him in line three other magical characters (Winnie Witch, The Great Gazoo, and Magic Rabbit) all scoff while mordecai and rigby just walk away.

They get back in their golf cart and begin digging for the food. Right as they're about to open their to go bags to grab their ice cream (both in convienent packages to keep back at the House), they get a call from their boss benson over the phone and as mordecai answere it the talking gumball machine man greets them with, "you guys better get back here and clean this awful mess you made in the kitchen or youre both fired," loud enough for them both to hear him off speaker phone, extra emphasis on the word fired.

"Ugh, okay benson we're already on our way, sheesh!!" Rigby says as he holds his ears shut while approaching the phone.

"Good, you better be." A click sound is heard and mordecai also closes his phone.

They buckle in and rigby retorts, "guess we better step on it then.

-

They're speeding down the road with abandon until they come to a stop at the light. There next to them a talking buggy approaches their vehicle, he sputters at them, "Been checking out your ride there slick, how'd you like to make some cash in an underground racing ring?"

"How much cash you talkin?" Rigby asks as Mordecai punches him in the arm.

"Dude you can't be seriously be listening to this car can you?? He said it's underground! As in illegal man, we can't enter that benson would kill us!"

"Ugh fine! Whatever mordecai! I won't enter just don't hit me!!"

They turn down the buggy and he gives him their card with his wheel, telling them to call him.

They race back home and there they report to benson. He yells at them more about how late they are and not to do that again and they get to work after putting their ice cream away in the freezer.

--

Later that night after mordecai and rigby lay down to go to sleep, rigby sneaks off to join the race with the golf cart. He finds himself in a racing ring that is actually underground and appears to be completely legal because even the mayor is there.

And then he finds out it's for charity, with a small prize for the winner. And it really is actually on the books legal.

Rigby, who has just been paid an actual paycheck, up front for entering the race, is now racing in an actual on the books race.

He's taken back at first, with several opponents such as Doggy Daddy and his daughter in a mini van, and jabber jaw and loopy in the company car, this race had some fierce competition.

But the little raccoon knew he could make even more money by winning.

So he raced.

And he won.

And then he found himself there every night. He couldn't stop himself from going.

---

One night a noticeably upset Mordecai greets him outside the door as he's attempting to slink off. Mordecai has found out that rigby is moonlighting as a world famous thrill seeking racer. In Mordecai's bed, to Rigby's curious reveal, is several pillows and a basket ball.

Rigby sighs and reluctantly cuts mordecai in on a deal, that they'll both go 50/50 on the driving and the winnings. They each get to take home $25.50 each night.

Their combined skill invites the curiosity of more and more racers. They find themselves up against titans on the track like the world famous Penelope Pitstop, a fashion mogul who is wearing the latest trend and driving an incredibly high tech fancy car.

The cart manages to hold its own and even take home the gold in the end if by a hair.

But their victory dancing was cut short by thunderous clapping as the sky opens up and out comes the god of racing. A Zeus like glowing figure with a steering wheel for a head in a souped up car that looks like it was built for premeditated vehicular manslaughter. And they challenge mordecai and rigby to a race.

"Play you punchies to determine who gets to race this loser?" Mordecai smirks at Rigby. But rigby turns him down, "no mordecai. Rock paper scissors, you always win at punchies!"

They begin their showdown, "best 2 out of 3?" Mordo says to rigby, as he readies his fist.

Rigby has his hand locked and loaded, "on three." He retorts, the question was retoracle as he planned to win twice.

He throws down rock and beats the scissors in the first round. They stare off for another two seconds then throw again and mordecai hits him with the scissors and the rigbone's paper does nothing to protect. Rigby finds himself staring down mordecai again. This time they both pause as the weight of the situation bears down upon them. Another second goes by and they both throw down and rigby's rock crushes mordecai's scissors into dust.

And as that dust settles.

The race is on.

----

[batmanisagatewaydrug]

Genuinely I don't understand this view that a relationship has to be 100% perfect in order for it to be acceptable. I don't see this with anything BUT relationships. You can be messy, that's OK, but God forbid you get in a relationship that has a "power imbalance" which- every relationship has a power imbalance! Your partner has a better job! You're older! Why do relationships need to pass with an A+ or else you're Literally Defending Abuse.

I do want to, like, gently trouble the use of the word "relationship" here to (implicitly) refer to romantic-/sexual relationships, because every dynamic with another human person is a relationship of some kind and it is romantic/sexual partnerships (and they are usually assumed to be both romantic and sexual, people really cannot comfortably conceive of a relationship that's one without the other) that get held to this unique level of scrutiny and demands for untenable levels of purity

but anyway while I can't speak for everyone and this is the result of a lot of complex forces I'd say broadly it's like. people learning like half a theory and then regurgitating it badly. like, genuinely I think a lot of people's sincere belief in the oppression olympics comes from hearing about Crenshaw's intersectionality one time, misunderstanding it one time as a system that neatly lines up which identities are more privileged than others instead of a means of understanding the way all people are impacted multiply by several identities simultaneously.

and then, you know, there was also a lot of very needed critique in the movement widely known as second wave feminism of relational violence and the ways in which domestic partnerships can be uniquely dangerous for women, which was genuinely very important to establishing legal protections against marital rape and protections for battered spouses (speaking to my own country's history there, this is very America-centric) but also it's like. the same principle where you learn about things that can potentially be sources of harm in relationships and you combine your understanding of privilege that works like a fucking chart of pokemon types determining who is weak against who and you arrive at "it's abusive for a person who [you are assuming] is neurotypical to date someone with a mental illness" and it's like. congrats! you've successfully circled back around to categorizing neurodivergent people as a class unfit to interact with wider society and in need of being isolated for their own protection. very cool, super progressive of you!

idk man it's so great that so many people are interested in social justice now but this is kind of an inevitable byproduct of so many people learning from twitter and tumblr and never supplementing that with actually reading any books or developing a sufficient philosophical framework of their own through which to analyze information.

[summercosmos]

Fablehaven Pokemon AU; Pt 2 (Seth)

Seth as a pokemon ranger!

Seth would be bored out of his MIND tending to the daycare all day; running showers for and grooming cutesy pokemon is fun for about the first four times you do it only.

it doesn't help that there are more interesting (read: unsafe) pokemon available right at the fablehaven daycare! it's just that grandpa sorenson will not budge in letting his grandkids interact with those. something about lacking "experience" and "expertise".

Seth: alright then. bet ←(gets himself into a ranger school Like A Boss)

there's really nothing anyone can do about the school sign up— I'm thinking kids in the pokemon universe are considered their own legal representation around the time they graduate trainer school (13-14 yrs old)

and after the initial scare, everyone concedes it's kind of a good idea, really. Seth gets to explore and interact with wild pokemon while still in a somewhat controlled environment, minimizing the amount of trouble to be stirred.

Kendra is happy to be the one to inform Seth that Ranger School does, too, involve actual textbook studying. he forgor💀

Seth would do the bare minimum for the theory aspects — what he really excels at is practical demonstrations!!!

don't let anyone tell you otherwise; pokemon absolutely interact with people based on Vibes. if you show that misdreavus even the smallest of hesitation you're getting Astonished into your next life dawg.

obviously this is not a problem for Seth. in fact i think he'd be at his very best when approaching wild Dark & Ghost types; those are the most likely to feed from fear and distress!

if you have no fear to feed the little creepers with then theyll be like Well. Hmm. What Now. (top tier strategy)

while on that the rangers here are a bit of mix from the spin offs and from the trainer class from the og games. they have one partner pokemon that will accompany them in their main rescue missions, but their job also involves protecting certain areas from poachers &/or criminals— that means there's also a lot of pokemon battling!

I'll be honest i think Seth's main criteria for his pokemon team is Does It Look Cool? Catch

when his eevee evolved into a sylveon he had to pause to cry throw up bang fists on the wall roll around for a bit. imagine having your team astethics ruined by the sparkly fairy type. Kendra makes fun of it at least once

still comes back to the daycare even while on the training stage; when he graduates as an actual ranger the first place Seth will suggest to send rescued pokemon to is fablehaven

Partner Pokemon

Absol: look at me in the eyes a dark type pokemon which is frequently labeled as a chaos bringer & malicious when it in fact only has intentions to help warn people beforehand so they can escape disaster. who else could i even give this to. it literally gets wings in its mega form LOOOOK AT ME

okay so anyways Absol are pokemon which are frequently abused bc of superstition so it isn't a stretch to say one would have eventually found its way to fablehaven daycare as a rescue. this is still in the early days of Kendra and Seth being there to help out so obvs they wouldn't be allowed to handle this one bc of the dark typing and its general bad rep. do you think seth gaf though he does NOT his ass would absolutely sneak out at night to the enclosure they kept absol at and try to make friends with it. the secret lasts about a week (Kendra snitches) but grandparents end up letting him actually catch absol bc they bonded. aw

(rest of the) Team!

Meowth: first pokemon, a gift from his parents! Seth isn't much interested in it bc it's so very normal and boring and not very Cool until he finds out this cat can basically sniff out shiny things (coins & jewels included) and it quickly becomes a Get Rich scheme. which only works on paper for about 2 minutes until he realizes the meowth will absolutely NOT allow anyone (owner or otherwise) to get their hands on its loot. it kind of becomes a srungly family pet though like in a drowned ugly rat kind of way so its still loved regardless. isn't much used in battles so it hasn't quite had the chance to evolve.

Spiritomb: sorry but how can you tempt a child mentioning there's a antique keystone that contains a cool ghost pokemon inside of it and expect him to not do anything about it like thats on YOU. anyhow Seth frees the spiritomb out of the odd keystone and finds out its just a little guy that got locked away for playing too many pranks. come on there's not even a good reasoning to take it away from him

Braviary: caught as a rufflet! pokedex entry from black & white 2→ "It stands up to massive opponents, not out of courage, but out of recklessness. But that is how it gets stronger." it probably tried to pick a fight with Hugo the Golurk and Seth thought it was the funniest thing ever and immediately caught it.

Golurk (Hugo): actually more attached to the fablehaven daycare than anything; it has its orders to protect the people and pokemon inside of the property. still Seth bonds with it more than anyone else and maybe actually brings the guy outside so it can see the world. cuties

Sylveon: okay now bear with me. LISTEN! Seth wouldn't have used any evolution stones on his (graduation gift) eevee bc he was hoping for a high friendship evolution, either espeon or umbreon. well. can you even imagine the look on his face when the evolution process finished and the first thing he saw was a pink ribbon. oh hed lose it. anyways sylveon are actually very combative pokemon — it lures foes in with the cute face and then pounces. they go out of their way to actively fight dragon pokemon likeee can you see the vision. Seth feels immediately better abt the whole thing when sylveon whoops a whole ass hydreigon with one singular Moonblast.

oh i had a Time making this. i love you pokemon au i really do. ill probably do either ronodin or bracken next

[ac-liveblogs]

Munchen Bastard vs Manshine City: The Finale

This panel is inexplicably hilarious to me. Isagi reflects so calmly on that batshit match like he and Kaiser were being completely normal and reasonable. That was an average match. Nothing to see or comment on there.

Is it still a technical foul if the one you're assaulting is on your own team? Anyway.

...god, I want to see what Blue Lock TV has to say about that one. You know it's wild when Nagi and Reo go full uh... Nagi and Reo, and they're still not the biggest trainwreck ('most interesting') of a duo on the field.

Ego talking about Nagi's goal as a one-hit wonder is interesting, because I think he's right that Nagi will never be able to replicate it. Nagi could barely keep that same energy going for the match he was already in, let alone another one. Nagi, whose only real faults read as 'just less experienced than everyone else', seems to finally be getting a real flaw he'll have to work on - motivation. Which is interesting, right, given his motivation is supposed to be getting the world cup with Reo - but that's not a big enough driver to keep him really going? Episode Nagi's reframing of events seems mildly contradictory in that way. Guess we'll see how it goes.

Suddenly, Yukimiya. You know a guy is screwed when he starts saying shit like "god never gives you more than you can handle!" He can pretend he's gonna be a player all he wants, I don't think he's coming back in any major capacity.

Oh yeah, speaking of Isagi blasting past people regardless of their sad backstories, Sae is inevitably going to be Isagi's midfielder later, right? Because screw Rin, right? That's awesome, I can't wait.

I don't know much about soccer, but as a 'playmaker' who is very good at strategic passing, would Isagi be better off as a midfielder like Sae? Is that a criminal thing to say. I'm sorry. Isagi's just really bad at actually scoring goals lately. Maybe he should refocus. Since he apparently thinks he doesn't need any special moves to get one over on Kaiser, he might want to build the skillset he definitely already has. (amazed at Isagi's hyper-confident bullshit).

Kaiser just like. Ruined a goal. For his own teammate. Is that legal? Should it be illegal? Obviously this shit can only happen in Blue Lock but is it REALLY something sponsors are gonna like like. 'oh yeah that's a good team player that guy he'll work really well in a team', REALLY?

I guess teams only seem to consist of like max. four relevant people at any one time so what does it matter... the author only sometimes remembers Chigiri and Kunigami are around... particularly insulting for Kunigami all things considered.

Actually, it'd be so cool if Kira reappears after Wild Card as a final joker card boss or something. I'd love that. Please do that. I'll be sad if that doesn't happen now.

Just once, I want to see these jackasses go up against a really competent goalie. I want Kaiser Impact stopped dead. Just once. Please.

For real though, it does make their soccer feel pretty 'incomplete' that other players like that aren't really accounted for. These guys don't feel like they're training to go up against really competent defense or anything. Maybe the author just doesn't think it exists. I don't know.

Backstory: I played soccer for two years in primary school, and the first year I was defense. Our forwards were so competent the ball very rarely came anywhere near us, so I didn't have to be good or anything. It's not like I could do much if it did. So my soccer experience is entirely consistent with Blue Lock, but that doesn't mean I have to like it! Why are these pro athletes on the same level as me at age 10!

Ness is so funny. I want to see his Kaiser stan account's deranged blogging of the entire Blue Lock experience.

I love that Isagi thought so hard he passed out. "Metavision" is so funny.

One, why is Noa's bedroom some sci-fi alien ship. Two, why was Isagi taken THERE when he passed out. Did Ego just like. Not fund an infirmary? Is that where Blue Lock cut costs? I'd buy it.

Noa's just watching his team burn with a completely impassive face. Man he does not give a SHIT, I bet he's loving Kaiser getting assaulted by some random high schooler.

The idea that Ego ever actually played soccer is bonkers to me. Like, it makes perfect sense. But I don't buy it. Seeing that guy in soccer shorts will actually make my brain melt out my ears.

But of course Blue Lock, designed to attract/produce guys that are not even remotely normal about each other, was founded by a guy that is also not normal about another dude. Phenomenal stuff.

Bastard Munchen's sponsors watching Isagi and Kaiser brutalise each other on the field like "yeah we want that all the time actually"

I expected Shidou to rank much higher given his U-20 showing. How is he so much lower than Rin? Does Rin just knock him unconscious before every match?

If I were told I had the same worth as Ness I think I'd kill myself.

LET'S GO BAROUUUUUU

[cutebutalsostabby]

Ganon's Trident in EOW and FSA

Y'all ever think about the Trident with the "power to ruin the world"? I haven't seen anyone post about this, so I'm going to do it.

So. Anyway. Here is said trident, from the Echoes of Wisdom trailer:

As far as I recall, Four Sword Adventures is the only Zelda game that actually provides any degree of lore relating to this trident. In fact, FSA has a bunch of really cool lore, which more people would know about if Nintendo ever actually released this game on more than one console. But I digress.

The story starts with the Ganondorf of that game (legally distinct from all other Ganondorfs in the timeline) breaking Gerudo law to enter a totally cursed pyramid. [Screenshot source]

If you follow him into the pyramid, you eventually come across an altar with a trident-shaped hole in it and a helpful inscription off to the side. [Screenshot source]

Here's what the inscription says:

Seek you the world? Seek you power? Does your soul despise peace and thirst for more? Does your soul cry for destruction and conquest? We grant you power to ruin the world. The power of darkness. Evil spirit of magic trident. You are the King of Darkness.

Now, interestingly: Ganondorf is NOT the king of the Gerudo in that game. Although FSA does maintain the same idea of a lone male born to the Gerudo every hundred years, it says that he is destined to be a "mighty guardian", whereas Ocarina of Time says that it is law that that man becomes king. At what point did that change, and why? I mean, according to the official timeline, this game takes place at some point after Twilight Princess (which doesn't make sense considering that the Dark Mirror is basically the same thing as the Mirror of Twilight, but anyway), so did they intentionally change the law and then rewrite that part of their history, or what?

And although FSA is the only game to actually go into detail on Ganon's weapon, he does HAVE the trident in various other games. The pyramid itself also appears in A Link to the Past - except that instead of being in the desert, it's in the Dark World equivalent of Hyrule Castle. And considering that the Dark World of that game is influenced by Ganon's desires, the similarity between the two locations could be due to a mental association he has between being crowned King of Darkness in the pyramid and being King of Hyrule at the castle!

So maybe we'll get some FSA throwbacks in the new game? And if so, maybe Nintendo will release that damn game onto more than 1.5 consoles? Time will tell.

Look, I just think it's neat. Thanks for reading.