#anyways i have my own tweak ideas because i’m sane

[empiireans]

robert and penelope from that one game

[ckret2]

Alright let’s talk GVK spoilers!!!

My reactions as best I can remember them!

- love how Kong is humanized from the very first scene, like every time he shows up he’s humanized so much more than other titans are. If that was at the expense of other titans being made likable I wouldn’t enjoy it so much, but like, Godzilla is made pretty lovable over the course of Monsterverse, Mothra is too, and all the titans featured for long are given recognizable emotions that let us see them as more intelligent and feeling than “just” animals; so all of them are made understandable/likable/sympathetic. But of them all, Kong is the only one really humanized. Which makes sense, because like, big monkey! Basically our distant cousin!

- And they kept playing, like, normal songs for him, which cracked me up.

- I really appreciated how you could SEE the titans in this movie. After all the weather effects to hide the titans in KOTM, there was such a clear difference in this one from the very start. Kong in the daylight! Godzilla makes his first attack at night, and even then you can see him much more clearly than you can for most of KOTM! Nice!

- after the Iwi were portrayed as silent stoic witnesses in Skull Island, I really appreciated that they took an Iwi character, made her a main character, and gave her dialogue and a real role to play in the story while also keeping her deaf/mute. I think that was a good way to improve on the way that the Iwi got got sidelined in the last movie while still maintaining the worldbuilding!

- I didn’t appreciate so much that, y’know, they murdered the rest of her people off-screen in order to do it. Couldn’t they have gone “her parents died so she got adopted by a Monarch agent that was close to her family, but like, the rest of her tribe is fine”? Or at the very least “their island got fucked up so they had to be evacuated but like they’re settling in somewhere else”? “They’re living under this island dome with Kong and they know what’s up and Monarch’s keeping them in the loop and they decided they’re chill with their new dome home, but this one girl likes to go on adventures with Monarch”? Something? Did we have to kill them all off? Y’all make up an entire fictional indigenous culture and then murder them off-screen when you don’t need them? Just let them live.

- a few minutes in I was like “hold on, we’ve got two characters that speak sign language, we’ve got a giant gorilla, gorillas learn sign language, is there any reason they can’t teach Kong?” and then later I was like “OOOOOH!!” Humans and titans learning how to communicate with each other has been one of my favorite themes to explore in Monsterverse fanfic so I was absolutely tickled to see it getting explored in canon, too.

- That said I think it’s hilarious that the girl managed to teach Kong to sign without, like... anybody seeing. Kong’s hands are above the tree line and there are cameras everywhere, how did NOBODY with Monarch see him signing.

- Bernie’s weaponized being an annoying coworker to such a degree it can only be called an art, and I really appreciated it.

- Godzilla’s extra chonky in this movie and I dig it. Roomie noted he was extra crocodilian and I dig that too.

- “There’s been no confirmed titan sightings in three years” I don’t buy that for a minute. They’re BIG. Rodan NESTS IN VOLCANOES. They found a MOTHRA EGG. Humans have A SCARILY WELL-FUNDED ORGANIZATION DEDICATED SOLELY TO FOLLOWING TITANS AROUND. Like, most of the lore in GVK that I don’t personally like, I can be like “eh... I can tweak it just a little bit with headcanons to make it work for me...” but NO confirmed titan sightings? You expect me to believe ALL of them moved underground when we’d previously seen them all prefer to live above ground? You expect me to believe that now that they’re all AWAKE, they learned how to HIDE?? Uh-uh. And at the end of KOTM there was stuff in the credits about using titan droppings as biofuel, obviously they’re still walking around up top! Can’t take that from me. Nope.

- Who the FUCK is Ren Serizawa and how is he related to Ishiro Serizawa? IS he related? Maybe they just dropped the surname as another “yeah this is a Godzilla movie for Godzilla fans” easter egg but I have a hard time believing that he can’t be somehow related to the other character with the Very Important Last Name who was so important in the last two Godzilla movies. If he is related I’m sure it’s been explained in a tie-in comic or the novelization or something, I’ll look it up later.

- I had to look up how much weight huge battleships can carry while writing a KOTM fic where Ghidorah hitches a ride on one, and y’all, I had to pull weird gravity-negating magic to get him to ride on that boat. Godzilla and Kong woulda sunk that boat like a rock. All I could think during that scene is “this wouldn’t work and I know that because I DID THE RESEARCH and I wasn’t even getting PAID.” I’ll choose to believe that Monarch gets special heavy duty ships designed to carry titans but nobody mentioned it because it wasn’t relevant to Kong’s journey.

- The bit where they could see where Godzilla was swimming because he’d got half a ship hooked to him that was bobbing around on the surface, didn’t Jaws do something like that with a buoy? It’s been ages since I’ve seen Jaws. Anyway good reference.

- Insert “they’re gonna need a bigger boat” joke

- I LOVED the part where they shut down all the ships to get Godzilla to leave. Both because, one, it’s a spectacular callback to KOTM’s “turn off all the guns so he knows we’re not a threat” that makes it seem like now that’s just what Monarch knows what to do to get G to chill out, and two... we know that Godzilla backs off either when he’s killed his enemy or when his enemy has yielded to him. At the end of KOTM—and the end of GVK—the act of yielding is presented as very ceremonial and uniform across species: everyone lowers anything they’ve got that could be dangerous (claws, fangs, beaks, axes) and bows to show Godzilla they’re not gonna fight. Battleships, obviously, can’t bow, but even without being inducted into whatever secret titan cultural intricacies might be going on, humans have figured out their own way to “bow” to Godzilla: cut all the power, so their ships can’t move and can’t use weapons. I know the movie presented it as “playing dead,” but c’mon, if Godzilla could hear MechaG power up from halfway around the planet then he could hear that Kong’s heart was still beating, and he’s been around enough boats to know humans can turn them off and on when they want. The humans bowed to Godzilla. He accepted that they yielded and left.

- Mark Russell looked like such a dad in this movie, like he’s retired 100% from being a rugged action hero and now he’s just Pure Dad. I like him better when he’s a dad, it’s a good development for him. He got like 3 lines and I’m like “I appreciate this character development.”

- Despite all my qualms about how conspiracy theories and extremist groups are handled in Monsterverse (and WHICH conspiracy theories they decide to reference), I really love Madison and Bernie’s dynamic. The adult man who’s the excitable wide-eyed believer in every BS conspiracy you can possibly imagine; and then the serious, severe Teenage Girl On A Mission who’s hypercompetent because she was raised for five years by a friggin doomsday cult militia; and despite having wildly different personalities they’re just, in total agreement about everything. Handled just a BIT differently (like, leaving out the more gross IRL conspiracies) they would be a wildly fun comedic duo—especially with Josh the Only Sane Man coming along as the hapless sidekick. And they all play off of each other so well! Both in a comedic sense, and in more serious moments—when Bernie talked about his wife, there was a real moment of empathy between him and Madison with very little said. I’d watch an entire movie just about the three of them. I’d watch a TV show.

- On the one hand I wasn’t too much of a fan of KOTM’s “all titans... are inherently In Tune With Nature... nature has a Balance, because that’s a Real Thing and not an anthropocentric concept to describe how we like nature to act, and they automatically restore it... because they’re like, some kinda borderline divinities or something... we should probably be worshipping them...” thing; but, now that it was totally absent in GVK, I sorta miss it. Like I feel like there needs to be a balance, a few humans who are like “i lowkey worship these dudes?” and a few others who are like “they’re cool but like, that’s a lil extreme” and that neither side be presented as Right in how they regard titans’ relationship with nature.

- “All titans come from THE HOLLOW EARTH” nah I don’t buy that it’s silly. Basically, what I object to is the idea that all titans have some sort of intrinsic similarity (they all come from the same hitherto-unknown location; they all are part of the same pack that has the same alpha; they all are fueled/fed by the same energy source; etc) rather than letting them be SEPARATE species whose only unifying traits are “they’re all big enough to fuck everything up everywhere they go” and “they’re big enough that the typically-insurmountable barriers between different biomes (mountain ranges, valleys, long distances with terrible weather) aren’t insurmountable for them, so even if they’re specialized in different environments they still all have to deal with each other pretty often.” I’ll make some exceptions for convergent evolution (i.e., claiming multiple titans developed similar traits that are relatively easy to spontaneously evolve and a prerequisite for a creature to survive at such a large size). But I can’t buy “this big gorilla has more biologically in common with this big crocodile-iguana than he does with, say, gorillas,” or most of the other “all these titans have THIS IN COMMON” claims that Monsterverse makes, including “everyone’s from hollow earth.” So I’m tossing that out the window and substituting my own headcanons. Some might’ve evolved there but some evolved on the surface. Maybe a majority of them like ducking in and out of the hollow earth like some kind of titan shortcut system. Kong’s species, I can buy, IS native to hollow earth, considering that they built a whole-ass society down there with tools and architecture.

- I’m SO curious about the little underground Kong home, the Godzilla motif in the floor, and the axe that appeared to be made with a Godzilla scute. What’s the story there??? We know Godzilla’s species and Kong’s species are ancient rivals. Is it because Kong’s species hunted Godzilla’s to steal their scutes to make weapons, seeing them as a valuable resource the way, like, early humans considered woolly mammoths a valuable resource—thus making that Godzilla on the floor equivalent to cave art of mammoths made by people who hunted them—until the Godzillas got pissed and started fighting back en masse? Or were Godzillas and Kongs already enemies when Kongs decided to start making weapons out of their corpses? Did they use to be allies, fighting together, with Godzillas voluntarily offering shed scutes and/or bones of their deceased members to Kongs, and that place used to be a shared home until they started fighting?

- What about that power source, is it something that was already there that both Kongs and Godzillas started to deliberately harvest for technology/atomic breath? Or did Godzillas automatically channel that stuff and Kongs exploited/borrowed/traded with Godzillas to utilize it too? Or is the power from Godzillas who collaboratively poured a bunch of power into the place thus that Kongs were able to use it too? I doubt Godzilla’s species CREATED all that weird energy but the question remains of whether, like, they channel it FROM underground, or naturally produce the same thing in their own bodies, or what.

- Godzilla using his atomic breath to dig a hole STRAIGHT TO KONG just to KICK HIS ASS is hilarious. How lucky that Hong Kong just HAPPENS to be straight over Kong’s house! Were all the tunnels to the hollow earth made by pissed off Godzillas who wanted to kick monkey ass??

- I loved the aesthetic of the battle scene in Hong Kong, with the brightly colored neon building outlines, VERY cool look. The choreography of the battle scene was great too, especially

- we literally broke into applause when Kong shoved the axe handle in Godzilla’s mouth. Love it, perfect callback, that was the ONE thing from the original King Kong Vs Godzilla I was hoping to see referenced and there it was.

- You could really see a difference in how Kong and Godzilla fought—Kong doing a better job at using tools and the environment, Godzilla fighting more like a reptile. They seemed to emphasize Godzilla’s more animalistic behaviors in this movie to accomplish that contrast—he was down on all fours and moving like a crocodile more often, he was clawing at Kong’s chest—but even though it seemed a bit different of a combat technique it also didn’t seem out of place compared to how he fought in prior movies. And we’ve already seen that if Godzilla’s involved in a fight and one of the combatants knows how to use the environment, it’s typically not gonna be Godzilla. (See: Ghidorah using the reflection in a building’s windows to see what’s behind him, and recognizing a nearby power source and biting it to juice himself up.)

- So many of Godzilla’s enemies seem to have specialized in negating his atomic breath in order to combat him! The MUTOs directly suppress his ability to use it—and it makes sense that that’s an inborn ability they have, since they evolved to use Godzilla’s species as prey. Kong has a weapon that both acts as a shield to absorb the breath and turn it back against Godzilla’s species—they didn’t evolve to counter Godzilla, but they developed tools once a rivalry happened. Ghidorah’s the exception—which makes sense, since he came from space—but even at that we see him using tactics specifically to take into account Godzilla’s most powerful weapon (such as keeping one head on lookout for when he starts glowing so that they know when they need to dodge).

- LOVED the reveal that MechaG was based off of Ghidorah’s brain, it has vibes of both the Kiryu Saga and the way that Heisei MechaG is based off of Mecha-King Ghidorah. Not the most surprising plot twist, since we’d theorized that they might use San to make MechaG, but I wasn’t 100% sure they were gonna go with it until they finally did. Even when I was going “huh, the mecha pilot’s chamber looks weirdly organic” I didn’t make the connection to WHY until the reveal, lol.

- “Ghidorah’s necks are so long that the heads have to communicate with each other telepathically” that’s COMPLETELY WILD but I love it, it follows very well from their prior portrayal as telepathic empaths in Heisei, it lines up with their emphasis on electricity (because BRAINWAVES AND ELECTRICITY, hey ho movie monster pseudo science!), and it very much compliments my own private headcanon that they’ve got some psychic/mind control abilities.

- The movie ended with both “Godzilla won, technically” but also “since they teamed up as equals, the ending doesn’t FEEL like ‘Godzilla wins, Kong loses’ but rather ‘they both won against a common foe’” and since I’m on both Team Godzilla and Team They Should Be Friends, I’m happy with this outcome. Plus since the last time they fought, the Japanese movie company graciously let the American monster win, so it’s only polite that the American movie company graciously let the Japanese monster win.

- There were just a few too many humans in this movie. I was intrigued by Ren but we didn’t get much out of him, but like I guess somebody had to be in the pilot’s seat other than the Apex CEO. Didn’t care for the author of the hollow earth book, I feel like his role was superfluous. Didn’t need the Apex CEO’s daughter there at all, coulda done without her. How about this, combine all three roles. Instead of having a whole-ass author who knows about the hollow earth, just casually reference that Rick from KOTM wrote a book about it since he was the expert, and (since he wasn’t in this movie) say that he tragically died going to explore the hollow earth himself, and that way we’ve got the book with the “titans are from there” theory AND an excuse to share the “humans die when they go underground” info. Now, have Ren be working for Apex as a pilot for Mechagodzilla, but have him be MechaG’s pilot because he’s also a good pilot in general, and can fly those HEAV things. Have Apex send him to Monarch to be like “hey, you guys trust me right, since I’m Ishiro Serizawa’s relative? We at Apex have heard all about your failed hollow earth expedition, and due to Ishiro I’ve got some past ties to Monarch so I’ve got high clearance with y’all, so I could bring over this useful Apex tech that’d let you go underground and use what I know about hollow earth from my past time at Monarch to help guide things.” Once they’ve got the little chunk of energy stuff and go topside, he hustles it straight to Apex and straps into his seat to run MechaG. Bam, you’ve combined “person who knows enough about hollow earth to help the expedition,” “person who represents Apex’s interests and gets the energy,” and “person who pilots MechaG” into one character, in a way that takes three flat/underdeveloped characters and turns them into a single interesting character with a lot going on and some intriguing ties to the rest of the cast.

I think that’s everything?? Hoo.

[athina-blaine]

MoMM Chapter 5 - The Storm, Part 2 (Preview #1)

(Note: this is not the finalized draft; anything featured is subject to edits or deletion!)

The Storm, Part 1

All he could do now was outlast this storm. Stay sane. No use agonising over the things he couldn’t change. Mum was …

He let out a long exhale, pushing through the weight that lingered on his chest.

Mum was going to have to carry on without him. She was a survivor, after all. He had faith. He just hoped things didn't change too much while he was gone– that the world will still be recognisable.

With Jon’s help, his eyes full of light and concern, and his small, scarred hand gently holding Martin's, he might stand a chance of making it.

The Storm, Part 2

Dear Mum

How have you been doing? I’ve been well. I’m sorry my letter’s a bit late this month, but things have been a little topsy-turvy. I wish I could tell you more about what was going on, but I hardly understand it all myself.

I’m out of a job. Things ended badly and I’m sure I won’t be welcome back at the Lord’s estate, but I’ll do my best to find something else as soon as I can. Something better. I’ll work twice as hard. I know it won’t make up for the missing payments, but I’ll try to make things right. 

I’m trying to keep a stiff upper lip in the meantime. I’ve met someone, and he’s been helping me through all this. We’ve started working on a garden together. I know you’ve always hated gardening, but maybe he and I can grow something remarkable that’ll impress you. Jon doesn’t have much hope, but I’m sure there’s a respectable gardener somewhere between the two of us.

I think you’d like him. He’s kind.

Love,

Martin

 ~

“Jon, these all look the same to me.”

“This is a tulip seed. I’m certain of it.”

“Are you? Because on the pamphlet, it looks like an azalea.”

“Those don’t look anything alike.”

“Just drop it in the pit, will you? We’ll figure out what it is at some point.”

With a sigh, Jon did as told, settling back on his haunches as Martin filled the pit back in with soil. “Is it just me, or does this not strike you as proper gardening?”

“Would either of us know what proper gardening looked like?”

“… That’s a fair enough point, I suppose.”

Taking a deep breath, Jon closed his eyes, shaking out his shoulders. Wiggled, honestly. Did he even know he did that? The wiggling. Like a cat preparing to pounce. Martin had to bite his inner cheek to keep from grinning at the image.

Jon had hung his cloak at the greenhouse entrance and once again Martin was able to appreciate how small the man was, for all the space he took in Martin’s head. Dirt crusted his clipped fingernails and he’d smeared a streak of soil on his cheek. A child begging to be scolded for ruining their Sunday best. Martin didn’t think the man would be so comfortable being filthy.

Comfortable. Perhaps that’s what captivated Martin.

After everything the man had been through – years of loneliness and years more of a nightmare come to life – he still managed to be so … normal? Martin didn’t like how that word tasted, but it was the only one he could think of. Martin had only suffered a few weeks and that had been enough to make him go a bit looney. But Jon …? 

“How did you do it?”

“Hmm? Do what?”

“Stay … I don’t know, yourself?” Martin rubbed the back of his neck, eyes dropping to the plots. Maybe this hadn’t been the best time to start this particular conversation, but the question had poured out of his mouth. “I mean, I’ve only been here a month and I've already almost gone off my rocker at least once. I guess what I’m trying to say is you’re … remarkably well-adjusted?” 

An eyebrow popped up. “Who says I’m well-adjusted?”

“I– Well–”

“Should I have a wild beard, then? A mad glint to my eyes?”

“Well, I’m not sure about a beard, but you haven’t seen yourself chopping radishes.”

“What? It’s satisfying. You understand, don’t you?” Jon scraped the shadowy stubble on his jaw. “Could never grow a beard, anyway. Too patchy.”

“I’m sure it would look brilliant.”

Jon hummed as he absently dug at a pit with the trowel. Martin fidgeted with the azalea seeds in his palm (maybe tulips?), before he bit his lip. Bit of a rude question, after all. Hey, why aren’t you insane actually? Probably not the best time to ask.

But as Martin opened his mouth, Jon sighed.

“To be honest, I barely noticed the difference at first. I’d already spent so much of my time alone in the archives, so by the time I was truly alone, I … supposed I’d already gotten used to it?”

Martin struggled to temper his expression, heart shattering in his chest. He hadn’t expected a nice answer, but something about Jon’s casual shrug made it all a little bit worse. Could Martin, for all his own loneliness, even imagine what that’s like? Being so alone that by the time his house has been emptied, he didn’t even notice the difference? 

A chill crawled up Martin’s arms, far too familiar and unwelcome in the warmth of the greenhouse. There had to be something he could do or say that could be helpful here. Something that could ease Jon’s burden, if only slightly.

“Well, it must have been nice not having to wear trousers all the time, at least.”

“… What?”

Martin blinked, processing his own words, and his face blazed with heat. “W-well, you live alone, you don’t have to wear trousers. That’s one of the perks, right?” 

“No! What would even– What purpose would that serve?”

“I mean, you’re basically doing the same thing already. Just, you know, in the opposite direction.”

“I have no idea what you could be referring to.”

“Right, sure. And you just like swanning about in that great big billowing cloak of yours, because …? It’s silk, it’s not as if it’s keeping you warm.”

The undertones of Jon’s face glowed. His eyes dropped to his fingers, picking the dirt out of his cuticles.

“I … That’s different. I just enjoy the way it feels.”

“Not that different. It’s about the indulgence.”

Jon rolled his eyes. With a lurch, he plucked up one of the seeds and stuffed it into the soil, and Martin leaned back as he tamped the pit with manic zeal before he settled back down with a huff, crossing his arms.

Martin gave the satchel a little shake. “Was that a tulip or an azalea?” 

Jon stiffened, eyes widening. “I-I, uh … I’m not sure? I wasn’t really looking.”

Their eyes met and the air hung heavy between them. Jon’s lips quivered. Martin’s cheeks grew sore holding his expression in place.

Then, a burst of giggles erupted between them. Jon keeled over, clutching his sides, and Martin quickly ran out of air, chest aching as he gasped for breath.

Jon recovered first, wiping his eye and smearing more dirt onto his cheek. “I … I suppose I can concede that the logic is similar.” He looked unhinged, deranged, and his eyes sparkled brightly as he sheepishly dug out the seed that might have been a tulip.

At least Martin could make him laugh. Not the most helpful thing, but it was something.

That chill didn’t go away, though, not entirely. It lingered on the tips of Martin’s fingers and the chambers of his heart, even as they both stood, wiping their hands of dirt. Did Jon notice it, too? His expression remained content and tranquil as he prepared the watering can, a gentle, absent-minded smile tweaking his mouth.

Martin tried to shake off the feeling.

It was probably just his imagination.

Check out the Monster of Magnus Manor here!

[m3r1m4r5u333]

((Here, have my angry rant on biphobia within the queer community. This rant could, with little tweaks, be about the discrimination and ignorance of almost any other kind of multisexuality as well. But I struggled to come up with a umbrella term for that while I was writing this, and a shared name for the phobia of them all. So I simplified things. Also, we keep hearing the term 'biphobia' but I feel like many people don't recognize it when it happens, so I thought I'd focus on that.))

Anyway.

I once shared - to a gay guy - my upset about the fact that gay people use bisexuality as a stepping stone on their way out of the closet. He acted all understanding, told me that it sucks that people do that... And TWO DAYS later wanted to share exciting news! He'd told his dad that he's bi! He told me that he'd lied to his dad, and he knows he's not actually bi, but he'd figured he could test the waters that way!

I was stunned. I'd just told him in freaking detail that this is harmful to the bi community because nobody believes that bisexuality is real when eventually every 'bi' person just says they were lying and are actually 100% gay. So I wished that people who KNOW they aren't bi would stop telling people they're bi.

But there we were. He'd just happily shat on me and my people and then expected freaking congratulations for coming out. I acted calm. Told myself it's great that he came out - well sorta came out. Said my congrats. Honestly, what I really wanted to do was tell him to FUCK OFF. That freaking audacity to listen to my grief about how people treat the bi community and think 'hey, I think I'll fuck them over this way too, what a great idea!".

Gay people keep telling us that they want bi people to stop hiding, to be your allies? Then be ours in return! Dicks.

Btw, if you're very gay and gay only, and you're reading this, wish to come out somehow, think that dude's idea was a great one... It isn't the soft landing you think it is.

You'll likely have to come out twice to the same people, first as bi, then as gay. Btw, have fun regaining their trust after admitting to lying, they'll either think you can't be trusted or that you're mentally unstable because your understanding of sexual identity keeps changing - and most likely your family will cling onto the hope that the first announcement - you're bi - was the true one so have fun trying to introduce your same-sex partners to your family. They may just ignore your same-sex partner and keep trying to set you up with that "nice person" to get you into that nice 'straight' relationship because you have that potential, right? You're almost straight, right? They just need to find that right person for you and the problem is solved!

And no. You won't avoid religious rants by saying you're "only" bi, not fully gay. You will still run into people who are disgusted by thoughts of your sex life. People won't leave you be because you're only 'semi-gay'. No, they will still push heterosexuality on you. They will still ramble on about hell fire and your precious soul that needs saving asap.

So bisexuality isn't the stress-free joyride people think it is, most often you just get the traditional same-sex-relationship-phobia alongside with hatred from the gay community.

What hatred from the gay community? Nobody is biphobic, bisexuals have a letter and all! Right?

No. Let me just share some wonderfully ignorant (misquoted) biphobic insights from within the queer community that we keep running into!

1. "Bisexuals are just faking that identity to hide their true pure gayness. Bisexuality doesn't exist. They're still in the closet. They're all just gay like us! I'm gay, and I also pretended to like a different gender for a while! These "bisexuals" will come out FOR REAL any day now. So you're saying you're bi? It's a phase!

No it's NOT a dick move to say that to a bisexual person - it's concern for their mental health because friends look out for each other and it's healthier to REALLY come out. You'll feel so much better - just admit you're not bi already! You're not ready yet? It's okay! Once you get some experience under your belt and really taste that rainbow you can't go back. You'll soon be strictly into dick or pussy like I am. Haha haha!

Sure, it sucks when straight people try to invalidate us gay people by saying that our homosexual identity is a phase... but why would I, a gay person, remember that hurt when there's a chance to pass along the rotten unvalidation apple to someone else! After all, what's greater than to maximize that experience of doubt and disrespect! Let's make sure that this brainless hounding never stops - Some people will try to invalidate your sexuality because they're trying to save your soul and others will try to turn you gay because you need to be gay to really fit in the community, to really support the community, to hate any hint of the heteronormative lifestyle with us. Abracadabra be straight in the name of a god/ abracadabra be gay so that you'll never abandon the queer rights movement! Yeah sounds like a plan, we should just attack whenever the religious nutters wander away to really bombard this bisexual motherfucker with invalidation so that they can never have a moment of peace anywhere. The queer community isn't their safe place, let's remind them of that.

2. "Maybe they aren't bi... Maybe they're straight! Watch out! Bisexuals are just using you for easy sex!! Using you to experiment. Using you to look cool because everyone knows bisexuality is TreNdY. Using you to turn on someone they're actually into. Using you because it makes them feel good to be wanted when they feel nothing for you. Using you for your company until they abandon you and settle in that straight marriage. Using you because they want to avoid an ex and acting 'bi' will make that ex lose interest. U s i n g... y o u.... Can't think of a reason why right now - but there must be a hidden one, everyone knows those flighty bisexuals can't be trusted!"

3. (Basically these" well-meaning" fuckers never mind their business. When a bi/pansexual is in a same-sex relationship people keep trying to warn the same-sex partner that the person they're dating is actually straight and in a same-sex relationship simply for attention, convenient sex, or to experiment, and will eventually leave them for that heterosexual lifestyle.

When a bi person is in a different-sex-relationship people keep telling their partner that the person they're dating is actually gay and using them as a beard/the person they're dating is gay and they're just using their partner for their reproductive organs since they want to be a parent and it'a easier to have kids this way.)

4. Bisexuals CRAVE sex. They're insatiable. They cheat. They're addicted to sex. They're unable to be monogamous. They must have a female partner and male partner to thrive, this is a need they ALL have. They're ALL polyamorous."

5. "Okay, maybe they're not all polyamorous... But they're clearly unable to love or stay interested long-term! Even if they're monogamous they will just randomly get bored of the same genitalia and will break up with you to have fun with a different set."

6. They will INSULT you by really being bi!!!! They will tell you that they're bi, date you, and when the relationship some day ends... They ACTUALLY turn out to be bi by starting a relationship with someone of a different sex!!! How offensive!!! THIS IS AN ATTACK ON YOU AND YOUR GENDER AND YOUR COMMUNITY woop woop ring the fucking alarm! Clearly they picked their new partner just because they wanted to wave a middle finger in your direction! How dare they not be cured of bisexuality by your love/magical private parts! How dare they not consult their ex about who they get to date after the relationship ends!! How dare they abandon the discriminated minority and pick heteronormativity instead! They should always struggle like you do! How dare they undermine the superior mightyness of gay love by entering a different-sex relationship! How dare they forget about gay rights by not picking a partner that makes the gay community visible - the gay community needs their mascots! How dare they insult your gender and attractiveness by falling for someone who does not look like you! How dare they pick someone with different genitalia than you - you're a sex god and your ex should always crave for the same kind of sex they had with you! Obviously they should consider your feelings and choose a partner who doesn't hurt your tender self-esteem like that. Their new partner should actually look like your identical twin so that you know they're properly fucked up about the break-up! This is all about YOU. YOU. YOU. You get to decide who your ex gets to fall for. Their new relationships are your business because you own them even though you aren't even dating anymore. You think this logic is completely sane - but they're the asshole because they moved on from your biphobic ass."

7. They said they're bi and started dating me. This is a same-sex relationship. Obviously this means that they're fully gay now. Or... It means that you should be super paranoid that some day they will embrace their internalized homophobia and break up with you! Even if you've been out to everyone for years, attend pride every year.. Yes, clearly they're super ashamed of their sexuality."

8. "They said they were bi when they dated you, their same-sex partner. Now they're with someone of a different gender. It isn't a same-sex relationship... Which means that they're straight now! Because a dating history of being in relationships with more than one gender is somehow NOT bisexual behavior! How fucked up of them to go back in the closet and pretend to be straight!"

9. "Bisexuals must always choose a same-sex relationship. Anything else is offensive, homophobic and traitorous to the community. They must always choose the harder path. They must struggle. They can't choose a different-sex partner and avoid discrimination - that's selfish! They must suffer like we do even though they could be perfectly happy in a different-sex relationship. They must not use common sense and seek a partner with whom they can have child without needing to resort to adoption or surrogacy.

It's just homophobic to want that easier heteronormative lifestyle!!!! Nevermind that same-sex relationships are illegal in large parts of the world, nevermind that in large parts of the world people with same-sex attraction may end up dead, be executed by their own government, be attacked or end up in prison. Nevermind that in many countries same-sex adoption isn't an option, or surrogacy isn't legal. Nevermind that it likely costs fuckloads even if it's legal. Nevermind all that and everything else. They should just always struggle. It's more romantic to face hardship and date within the gay community - struggling soulmates baby! They must not set their personal needs first, they must not fall for someone who's different gender than them - they are our puppets, they exist to be mascots for the gay rights movement. Any decision to have an easier life will be seen as internalized homophobia and slacking. Fuck heteronormativity! And fuck bisexuals.

No wait - don't. Don't fuck them. Don't date them. They can't be trusted. Stay clear of them! What did you say, 'that's biphobic'? We're NOT biphobic. We HavE MaNy Bi FrIEnDs. BiSeXUaLiTy Is VaLId."

[sophieellisbextorarchives]

Lockdown's dancing queen: Sophie Ellis Bextor explains how she's survived with five sons while performing web concerts from her kitchen - and owes her life to the NHS after almost dying during childbirth

SOURCE: https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-8371137/Sophie-Ellis-Bextor-talks-surviving-lockdown-five-sons-performing-concerts-kitchen.html

Any mother of five who is still sane after two-and-a-half months of lockdown will surely have some survival tips for the rest of us. And Sophie Ellis-Bextor does indeed have advice.

Come Friday night, when the textbooks have been flung in a corner and you've finished screeching at the kids, you should dig out your heels and put on your sparkliest hot pants, she says.

'If you don't own a sequined one-piece, you should get one,' the singer insists. 'They make you feel like a disco superhero!'

She would also recommend a glitterball to hang in the kitchen. It will distract from the dirty dishes, she says.

Tidying the kitchen is optional, though: 'I do try to but if there's the odd dish in the sink, who cares?'

When the history of the great British lockdown is written, there will be villains (take a bow, Dominic Cummings) and heroes.

And Sophie Ellis-Bextor will surely be in line for a medal, for services to the national dancefloor (kitchen disco division).

Every Friday night for ten weeks she has donned her own glad rags and, via the magic of social media, invited us all to a disco round at hers.

She has been in charge of the mic, singing her own hits (with tweaks) and cover versions of some of her other favourites (speaking of favourite things, she even does a mean Julie Andrews).

Each week she has changed the lyrics of one of her biggest hits, Take Me Home, to the lockdown-friendly Stay At Home. We cheered. We heeded. 'Well, most people did,' she says.

Lots of entertainers have been doing their stuff in lockdown. Few of them have done so with five children in tow, though, and with such pizzazz.

You'd never guess it from the size of her waist but 41-year-old Sophie — whose mother is former Blue Peter presenter Janet Ellis — has five sons, aged from 16 down to 16 months. Her family life has never really been a part of her work.

But at the start of lockdown, something changed and she decided to stop being so precious about the work/home life divide.

'I've always been quite private, never showing the kids' faces, that sort of thing,' she says.

'But suddenly it all felt totally irrelevant. I just had this desire to sort of connect with people, to have fun and do something that just distracted us all — and for me, as an entertainer, that meant getting up and putting on a show.

'If it was going to be a show in my own house, the kids had to be involved as we're all locked down together. That overwhelmed any other emotion, really.

'I said to them, 'We're going to have a party. Do you want to come? What do you want to wear?'

'We pulled out all manner of sequined things we already had. They got out costumes, hats, whatever. There were no rules. They could be in their pyjamas if they wanted, because they often are.

'At the end of the first one, I remember making a joke like, 'This could be the end of my career.' '

In another time, it could have been. What too-cool-for-school singer sashays around the Lego, for goodness' sake? And what pop star hoicks a baby onto her hip, limbos around the lightsabers or attempts some sexy strutting when there is a pint-sized Superman in the way?

'It has been quite surreal, hasn't it?' she says with a laugh. 'But this whole situation is surreal, so I guess it has been fitting.

'We've had all sorts — the kids joining in, or sitting there bored with it all as I dance around them. We've had the baby crawling across the floor, trying to pull the plug out of the router. It's not stuff you normally have to contend with when you go on stage.'

And the performances have been all the more magical for it, I suggest. Her kitchen discos have been in keeping with the national mood, which lurches between delirium and despair and involves much trying to get on with the day job, with the kids at our feet.

All our kids are represented in hers, too. There is Sonny, 16 and a typical teenager, who mostly rolls his eyes at the idea of being in his mum's disco 'but actually he's invaluable because he helps with the baby so I can relax'.

Kit, 11, has 'kind of dipped in and out of the discos. He has missed a few. Sometimes he'd just rather do something else'.

Ray, eight, and Jesse, four, are generally game for anything — but if the children all join in at the same time, while wearing masks, the potential for chaos is high.

Last is baby Mickey, who likes to reach for bright lights. And cables. And sparkly shoes.

'I think what has kept some people tuning in is the music, but others are only watching to see if any of my kids injure themselves,' Sophie says.

People may also be tuning in to see her game attempts at making the most inappropriate songs kid-friendly. Her new repertoire includes the highly suggestive Prince song Gett Off. If the kids ask, it's a song about getting off the climbing frame, she explains.

When we speak, Sophie is preparing for — sob! — the last lockdown disco. Kitchen Disco No 10 will finish with a rousing rendition of the Madness hit Our House, which contains the lines 'Our house it has a crowd/ There's always something happening/ And it's usually quite loud'.

How apt. That sums up family life in all its messy glory.

It will be the end of a very weird chapter for Sophie.

'We could keep going but I'm getting the feeling that lockdown is being eased. There is a different feel, so it's time to stop. Although I'm bad at saying 'never again'.'

It has been a blast — and Sophie admits she has benefited herself.

'The discos have done my soul and my spirit the world of good. I've always turned to music anyway when anything has been happening in my life, good or bad, but I don't know what shape the past few months would have taken without this outlet.

'I've been doing cover versions of songs and they have all basically been like love letters to people I can't see any more.'

Lockdown came earlier for this household than for most of us. One of the children showed symptoms even before the schools closed, so they all isolated early.

That Sophie's stepfather — Janet's husband, John Leach — was having chemotherapy as part of his cancer treatment made the situation even more serious.

They are a close family. Janet, who lives only a few streets away in West London, is used to popping in and out, and provides childcare once a week. Any contact at all between them stopped overnight, as it did for so many families.

'I haven't hugged my mum since I don't remember when,' Sophie says. 'They couldn't leave their house at all at the beginning, so it was a case of leaving some groceries on the doorstep. My stepfather has Stage Four lung cancer and was in the middle of chemo, which had to stop.

'Now, thankfully, it has restarted but it has been a terrible time — devastating, really. For so many families the world has just tilted.' The older children understand why they can't see their grandparents, the little ones less so.

This is a united family (Sophie's mum split from her father, film and television producer Robin Bextor, but they are all on good terms), yet not necessarily one that ever did things by the rulebook.

Many will recall the furore when Janet — then the nation's darling, as many Blue Peter presenters were — fell pregnant with Sophie's brother Jackson. She was unmarried at the time and it was a national scandal.

It sounds as if Janet was the sort of mother Sophie has become — old-fashioned about some things (table manners, eating together) but more relaxed about others. And Mum having a slightly crazy day job was par for the course.

'I remember going with her when she did a skydive. She was in the Guinness Book of Records at one point for the highest-altitude jump for a female. At the time it was just normal.'

Janet didn't mind when Sophie decided she would not go to university because she wanted to join a band. 'Many parents would have said, 'No, we have paid for this private education. You will go,' but they never did. They were completely supportive.'

And of course, it worked out. Sophie started to get attention in the industry in the Nineties with indie band Theaudience — but in 2000 her career went mainstream thanks to a feature spot on the song Groovejet (If This Ain't Love) by Spiller.

Further hits followed. Then, in 2013, she went even more mainstream, signing up for Strictly Come Dancing. Her Charleston was a thing of wonder but she lost in the final to Abbey Clancy.

She knew her husband, The Feeling bassist Richard Jones, for a year before they started dating. When they did, it was something of a whirlwind and she discovered she was pregnant within weeks.

'Sonny was premature, so he was actually born eight months after we got together. Weird maths.'

Then, finding that it was rather fun, they kept having children. 'In a way I think it sort of set the tone, having Sonny so early. We've never really known what it is to be just the two of us.'

Juggling a pop career with five children can't have been easy, but her laid-back approach must help.

Some aspects of her parenting style have come in handy in lockdown, she says. 'I try to get up and dressed myself, but I'm not bothered if they want to stay in their pyjamas,' she admits.

Other aspects of lockdown have been hard. She admits she is not a natural home schooler.

'With five, it has been really difficult keeping up with the school stuff. I think their teachers do a brilliant job and I can't compare.

'At the start I did try hard, but to be honest I was feeling a lot of pressure to be running the home and making them emotionally happy. I quit quite early, realising it was making me really tense and really unhappy.

'We've kept the eldest two doing more formal work (Sonny is in his GCSE year, she explains) but with the little ones it's more about projects they can do.'

She says it isn't practical — or even desirable — to turn their home into a school. 'I'm hoping that home is where they learn to interact with each other, where they learn how to be happy, how to be kind.'

They have all been clapping on the doorstep on a Thursday night, too, aware of the debt they owe the NHS.

Sophie's life was saved by doctors when she suffered from complications during her first two pregnancies and gave birth prematurely both times. Kit weighed just 2 lb 6 oz.

'Anyone who has ever had a loved one's life in the hands of hospital staff knows what it is to feel that gratitude,' Sophie says.

'If it wasn't for them, I wouldn't be here and neither would my first two.

'I'll never forget their faces, the doctors and nurses who treated us in the neonatal unit. You don't, because you owe them everything.'

To be a singer in this climate is perhaps to feel a little superfluous, but Sophie says the only things she can do are sing and dance. The reaction from the wider world to her 'little discos' has been heartwarming.

'If you can make people smile and laugh at how daft it all is, then you make a connection that is actually quite special.'

We are getting all wistful now, when I suggest that her sons will grow up knowing they were a part of something magical. She laughs.

'They are more likely to roll their eyes at their crazy mum dancing around and tell me to keep the noise down!'

[violetsmoak]

Appetence [9/?]

AO3 Link:https://archiveofourown.org/works/20251420/chapters/47997634

Blanket Disclaimer

Summary: Red Robin is investigating the disappearance of a friend and stumbles into a spot of supernatural trouble. He doesn’t expect to be saved by Jason Todd, miraculously alive five years after his death and now with the inexplicable ability to commune with the dead. Meanwhile, when Jason returned to Gotham he meant to maintain a low profile and not get involved with Bat business. That was before he found out how hot his Replacement is.

Rating: PG-13 (rating may change later)

JayTimBingo Prompts This Chapter: #cemetery #haunting

First Chapter

Author’s Note: More dialogue from Under the Red Hood, just moved around a bit and tweaked to suit the situation. 

________________________________________________________________

Bruce stares at him in silence for a long while and then seems to shake himself.

“No,” he says at last. “It…can't be.”

But his tone is less certain.

“Can be and is. ‘There are more things in heaven and earth’ and all that jazz,” Jason quips. “But I know you. I can’t just talk about collecting first editions with Alfred or going to races with you or Dick teaching me to train surf. Someone could be using telepathy to lift that from your mind, right? Nah, you’ll be wantin’ proof, so here—”

“Here.” Jason crouches and takes off his gloves, picking up the discarded Batarang from earlier and whips it expertly at Bruce, who catches it without anything changing in the exposed part of his face. “My blood’s already on that. Fingerprints, too. Maybe even some skin-cells if you cut me deep enough.”

“It won’t make me believe.”

But there’s doubt in his voice, and he pockets the blade anyhow.

“Yeah, it will,” Jason replies. “You’re Mr. Logic and Science. It’ll tell you exactly who I am—or rather, it’ll confirm exactly who you know I am.”

Bruce’s jaw works furiously.

“How…how did this happen to you?” he asks softly, cautious. “Were you—was there a Lazarus Pit involved?”

“Not as far as I know. If there was, don’t you think your baby mama would have taunted you with it by now? She always liked to fuck with your head.”

Bruce tenses.

“Oh, yeah, I got the full 411 on what’s been happening since I 'ran down the curtain and joined the bleedin’ choir invisible',” Jason says irreverently. “Mazel tov, but the way. Is it too late to send an arrangement of blue balloons?”

No response.

“What’s that bring the total up to now, anyway? Three? Four? When exactly did collecting orphans become a compulsion for you, chum?”

Jason sneers that last word, and yet something about it seems to physically jar both man and Bat. The cowl is off then as if somehow, Bruce can no longer trust the lenses of the cowl and needs his own eyes.

Jason’s irritation wavers for a moment, replaced with a lump in his throat as his own gaze roves over the man’s face with a hunger of their own, tempered by disbelief.

Bruce looks older. He could still pass for at least a decade younger than his actual age, but the look in his eyes speaks of a lifetime of fighting. There are wrinkles in the corners of his eyes, grey flecks around his temples and a few more scars than Jason remembers. Skin stretches just a little bit thinner over his cheekbones and jaw.

His eyes are sharp as ever, cataloging every detail of Jason, no doubt comparing it to his last memories of the boy he was.

The boy that’s dead.

Bruce tentatively moves forward, and Jason’s instinct is to take a step backward, to avoid letting the other man into his personal space. He has no interest in Round Two or the prick of a needle leading to him waking up in a cell in the cave hours from now.

But then his eye catches on two figures watching the proceedings from several feet away, and he’s so surprised he forgets about Bruce for a minute.

Martha Wayne is polished and put-together, the only indication of anything amiss being the broken string of pearls hanging from her neck and the blossoming red stain at her breast. Thomas Wayne looks exactly like every picture Jason’s ever seen of him, Bruce’s spitting image but somehow…lighter. The wound that killed him is hidden beneath a thick overcoat, but trails of blood dripping down to stain his white gloves is telling.

For a moment they are a perfect portrait, and then in another blink, they flicker, clutching at their wounds. In another, they lie on the ground gasping and reaching for each other, trapped in their death echo. And then they’re back to standing, watching Bruce with pained expressions on their faces.

Guess the family plot’s a bit closer than I thought it was.

Any further ruminations on their semi-invisible audience vanish when arms encircle Jason, and it should be a reflex to pull away, to knock the grasp away. Self-preservation and all.

And yet, he knows these arms, knows the smell of cologne and the specific brand of Kevlar in a way that bypasses every bit of training he’s ever had, which causes him to remain perfectly still as Batman—Bruce, Dad—holds him tightly to him.

For whatever reason—an impossibly rare break from his usual paranoia, perhaps—Bruce doesn’t dose him with any kind of sedative or go for a nerve-strike.

He just…

Holds him.

Jason’s back is beginning to ache from how straight he’s trying to keep it, and at last, he can’t take it anymore and pulls back. Puts several steps between them so that he can regain his equilibrium.

Bruce takes a step back as well as if remembering himself. He lapses back into his tense but alert stance, but his eyes are suspiciously bright in the moonlight.

“When?” he asks eventually.

“By all accounts about six months after I died.” Bruce’s expression becomes calculating, even as he continues to study Jason. “Wouldn’t happen to have any idea how that could’ve happened, could you? John and I never figured it out, and you have all those fun League resources.”

Bruce recoils almost imperceptibly.  

“John?” he repeats, eyes flicking over Jason again. His nose twitches and then his brows draw together. “Constantine.”

It should not surprise Jason that Bruce makes the connection so fast.

“Got it in one.”

“He would have said. He’d have contacted me—”

“No, he wouldn’t,” Jason interrupts. “Because he didn’t know. Not until weeks after he found me. And by the time I remembered everything, I didn’t want him to. Say what you want about his morals, he stays out of other people’s personal business.”

Bruce ignores the dig.

“Why?” Bruce croaks instead. “Why didn’t you come home?”

“Didn’t think there was anything for me to come back to. Figured you’d be happier with me gone. I mean, you hauled a new kid into the thick of it within like three months, so obviously I wasn’t that hard to replace.”

“It didn’t happen that way.”

“I owe you a broken jaw for that, by the way. After I died, no one else should’ve worn that cape.”

“And now?” Bruce challenges. “All this time, you’ve been alive. You’ve avoided Gotham. But you choose to return now. And do things like this.” He gestures at the graveyard. “This crime—violating others’ final resting places—human remains, for god’s sake, Jason! If you wanted to get my attention, there are easier ways!”

Jason’s jaw drops a bit, and he feels his hackles rise.

And there it is.

“Are you serious right now?” he snaps. “You think this is about you?”

Bruce raises an eyebrow as if to say it’s exactly what he thinks, and Jason bursts out laughing. There’s a bitter edge to it, and the older man flinches for some reason.

“Damn, I knew you were conceited, but this just takes the cake,” Jason snorts. “Contrary to popular belief, not everything that goes on in Gotham is about Bruce Wayne. Or Batman.”

“You’re evading the question.”

“Bullshit! This is my fucking job,” Jason snaps.

“Desecrating graves.”

“Helping people move on. Stopping people from getting hurt. Put that thinking cap of yours on, ‘detective’. Why the hell do you think Constantine took me in in the first place?”

The way his eyes narrow at the challenge, considering their surroundings and the gear Jason is wearing, the tools and the specifics of what he was doing and what he’s just said. And then understanding flashes across his face.

“You’re an occultist.

“Ding-ding-ding! Right again. Guess dying and coming back from the dead leaves a guy predisposed to certain, huh? Unless I’ve always been this way and just never knew. I doubt it, though. You’ve analyzed my blood a hundred times and you never mentioned any metahuman or magic genes. And I never saw dead people before I was, you know, dead.”

That causes a wince.

“You know I was in Arkham, for a while?” Jason asks conversationally. “For like half a year. Bet you visited the place a lot, considering the revolving door of nutcases. You were probably standing on the same floor as me a dozen times and didn’t even know it.”

Bruce tries to disguise the pain that flashes across his face at that direct hit, but Jason sees it nonetheless.

“The mentally ill are of no interest to Batman, though, right? Not unless they’re criminally insane.”

“I know…I know I failed you, Jason…I tried to save you. Whatever it is that’s happening to you now—I’ll keep trying to save you, and if I had had even an inkling that you were still alive—”

“Is that what you think I’m pissed off about?” Jason demands. “You letting me die? I don’t know what clouds your judgment worse, your guilt or your antiquated sense of morality. I forgave you for not saving me, Bruce—forgave you years before I forgave my own flesh and blood. But why…why…” His voice breaks a little here, “the hell is that pasty-faced pile of human excrement still alive?”

Bruce’s expression becomes like stone. “Joker.”

“The Joker. Yeah, B, him. If you’d just killed the fucker years ago—whether anything happened to me or not—you know what hell you would have saved the world?” Jason snaps. “But no. Punching that piece of shit’s ticket’s just one of a long list of sane acts you still refuse to commit.”

“I can’t cross that line,” Bruce says tightly.

“But I can,” Jason says. “And I will. If there’s one thing I’ve learned in the last five years, death comes to those who deserve death, B. It’s probably why I clocked out early. I wasn’t exactly the golden boy like Dickiebird, was I?”

“Jason, no—”

“But that’s fine. I’ve come to terms with it. Someone somewhere must have even decided I deserved a chance to make up for it because here I am.” Jason spreads his arms wide. “And I’m going to make up for it. Lot of dead people out there that need to be avenged. And a lot of monsters out there, standing in the way.”

“Monsters like Felipe Garzonas?” Bruce challenges.

The name hastens memories of a woman’s lifeless body hanging from a ceiling and a man’s sneering, triumphant smile.

Jason clenches his fists.

“If they get in my way, sure,” he replies. “In another life, maybe I’d even make it my mission. To take out the scum you refuse to. But these days, I’m on a different playing field, and the stakes a higher than some rapist that fell out a window.”

“If you’re saying you intend to go after the Joker—I can’t let you.”

Jason almost chokes in rage and disbelief. “Why the hell not?!”

“Because I won’t have my son become a murderer for him.”

“Didn’t you hear, old man? Your son died a long time ago. I’m a completely different person now, and you’re a few years too late. I’ve killed a lot of people and slept like a baby right after because those fuckers deserved it.” Jason clenches his fists, recalling the torn and mutilated bodies murderers that would never be caught by traditional means—legal or vigilante. Capping monsters like that was a civic duty. “Lot of people don’t get any kind of justice once they’re gone, and I’m it.”

“Jason, that’s not your call to make.”

“Says the man who dresses up as a bat and fights crime,” Jason shoots back. “All of your adult life, you’ve fought to save Gotham. Save her from herself, but you never ever understood her. You’ve never seen what I see now.” He casts his eyes around the graveyard, at the torn remnants of humanity in their various stages of self-torture. “She’s evil. Poisoned by the dead that clog her foundations—that have been piling up here since the first nutjob spilled blood in her earth. You have to fight her where she lives, B, and it’s not just the rooftops at night.”

“That might be so,” Bruce allows. “But it’s one thing to seek justice on behalf of the dead…if that’s what you intend to do. But going after a human being, even one as depraved as the Joker—"

“How can you still call him a human being?! Even ignoring what he’s done in the past—blindly, stupidly disregarding the entire graveyards he’s filled—” He points toward the various specters in the distance, who Bruce can’t see but who scream and cry and laugh hysterically through the smiling rictus that is the Joker’s signature, to the dying echoes of Thomas and Martha Wayne, “—the thousands who have suffered, the friends he’s crippled—” He remembers Tim’s expression and makes an educated guess, “—the family he’s tortured.”

Bruce’s wince is the confirmation he needs.

“I thought that him killing me, that I’d be the last person you ever let him hurt,” Jason admits in a soft voice, his rage quieting behind pain and sadness. “If it had been you he beat to a bloody mess...if it had been you that he left in agony...if he had taken you—I would have done nothing but search the planet for the pathetic pile of evil, death-worshipping garbage and sent him off to hell!"

“You don’t understand…I don’t think you’ve ever understood…”

“What? Your moral code just won’t allow for it? It’s too hard to cross that line?”

“It’d be too damned easy!” Bruce snaps.

There would be a ringing silence between them if not for the ghostly moans in the night.

“All I have ever wanted to do is kill him,” Bruce continues, eyes blazing. “For years, a day hasn’t gone by where I haven’t imagined taking him and spending an entire month putting him through the most horrendous, mind-boggling forms of torture. All of it building to an end with him broken, butchered and maimed…pleading—screaming—in the worse kind of agony as he careens into a monstrous death.” He grows quieter here. “I want him dead—maybe more than I’ve ever wanted anything. But if I do that, if I allow myself to go down into that place, I’ll never come back.”

Jason takes several seconds to parse all of that, examining the reasons and justifications that are so different than what he expected, before registering the problem with that.

“Why?”

Bruce blinks. “What?”

“You wouldn’t feel guilty killing a cockroach, or wiping out a bacterium that could destroy millions,” Jason points out. “And that’s what he is. All he exists to do is destroy. It’s not like Cobblepot or Crane or Dent or Nygma. Much as I always thought they all deserve the death penalty, there’s something in them that at least resembles having been human at some point. The Joker has never—will never—be human. You can’t judge filth like that by human standards.”

But he can already see by the obstinate set of Bruce’s jaw that he is unmoved by this argument.

“I can’t, Jason,” he says. “I’m sorry. I just can’t.”

“Then don’t. Just don’t get in the way when someone else tries to do it.”

“Someone being you? I can’t let that happen either. I won’t let you sully yourself over the likes of him—”

“He killed me!” Jason roars. “I was sullied the second he brought out the crowbar. If anyone on this planet has a right—has a duty—to be the chlorine in that maniac’s gene pool, it’s me!”

“Jason—!”

“He took me away from you!”

The words echo, not as sharp or reprimanding as Jason meant, but laced with a vulnerability he hasn’t allowed himself to show since before he died.

He needs to take a few moments to breathe, to gulp down the sob that’s threatening the back of his throat, hysterical and pained and scared the way he hasn’t been in years.

“He took everything,” Jason concludes. “He took my life. He took my future. But worst of all, he took me from the first person I ever really believed gave a shit about me. And that…that’s just me. How many other kids got to die gasping for breath, waiting for their fathers to rescue them?”

And for a split second, Bruce’s entire façade shatters and he looks—lost. Frightened. Agonized.

“Jason…” he says after a beat, more broken than Batman has any right to sound. “Just…come home. We’ll figure this out—all of it. Together.”

And Jason…he’s tempted.

But he came back to Gotham for a reason, and it wasn’t to mend relations with anyone.

“And when the Joker breaks out again?” Jason asks quietly. “When he hunts you and everyone you care about down and puts you through another round of mental and physical torture? When you have to bury another kid? Or two? Or Alfred? Will 'figure this out together' mean you’ll step aside and do what needs to be done? Or are you just going to cart him back to Arkham?”

There is nothing but silence at this, but Jason already has his answer.

He exhales, shoulders slumping a bit.

As tempting as it would be to fall back into what he lost—as tempting as it would be to be Jason Todd-Wayne again in some way—this is something he can’t compromise on.

And he learned from the best that the only way to keep from compromising is to establish clear, immovable boundaries. And if that’s impossible, then burn down whatever bridges might traverse them.

“The manor was never my home, any more than it was yours,” Jason says dully at last. “Those streets you patrol every night, the people on them—people the Joker’s going to keep killing—that’s home. And if you’re not going to defend it, I am.”

Bruce appears to hear what he isn’t saying, and that seems to take the fight out of him. As if he understands that no amount of arguing is going to change either of their stances today, if ever. Instead, he straightens his back and looms into his most imposing Batman stance and pulls the cowl back on.

“I won’t tolerate criminal conspiracy in Gotham. Occult or otherwise.”

“Tough shit,” Jason shoots back. “This is my town. Probably more than it’s yours since I actually came up on these streets.”

“If that’s how you want it to be, that’s your choice. But if you cause any disturbances of that nature—if I catch you desecrating any more graves—if you go anywhere near the Joker—I will bring you in.”

“That threat would be more effective if I couldn’t rattle off the names of every cape in town, and you know it.”

“I never said you’d be going to jail.”

And Jason knows that this will lead to another fight, one he’ll no doubt lose—

Except there’s an explosion in the distance.

They both look up reflexively, watching Gotham’s skyline illuminate with electric blue light.

“Looks like the office is calling,” Jason points out. “My money’s on Freeze. He never did like the summertime.”

Bruce’s jaw clenches, eyes flitting from Jason to the city.

“Can’t let the bad guys get away, old man. Mission before family, right? The way it’s always been?” He turns, keeping Bruce in his periphery. “I’m going home. I’d give you the address, but I’m pretty sure you’ll find it on your own anyway. Wouldn’t want to give you the impression that you’re welcome there.”

“Jason…”

“Maybe we can do this again sometime like normal human beings,” he continues. “But I swear to everything hellish and holy, if you drag me back to the cave for interrogation or lock me up, I will get out. And I will make the rest of your life a living hell. Until then, fuck off. You don’t get to talk to me unless you decide to do something about the clown.”

He turns away, casting a frown at Thomas and Martha Wayne’s shades, wondering if he should say anything to Bruce about them just now.

He decides against it.

It’s a whole other rabbit hole to get pulled down.

Instead, he tips a salute as he walks away. “Say hello to the pretty bird for me. Kid keeps his word. Didn’t think that was possible for anyone in the Family.”

⁂⁂⁂

To Be Continued

________________________________________________________________

I want to know what you think of my story! Leave kudos, a comment or if writing comments isn't something you're comfortable with, as many of these (or other emojis) as you want and let me know how you feel! 

❤️️ = I love this story! 😳 = this was hot! 💐 = thank you for sharing this 🍵 = tea spilled 🍬 = so sweet and fluffy! 🚔 = you’re under arrest! the writing’s too good! 😲 = I NEED THE NEXT CHAPTER 😢 = you got me right in the feels

Reblogging is also majorly appreciated! 

[kenodoxy]

LAST NIGHT I SANG TO THE MONSTER. SENTENCE STARTERS / CHANGE PRONOUNS & TWEAK AS NECESSARY

Written by Benjamin Alire Sáenz (author of Aristotle and Dante Discover the Secrets of the Universe), Last Night I Sang To The Monster is about Zach. Zach is eighteen. He is bright and articulate. He's also an alcoholic and in rehab instead of high school, but he doesn't remember how he got there. He's not sure he wants to remember.

—  Being sad after you’ve been happy is the worst thing in the world. —  I've been hurting most of my life. I tried to pretend I wasn't. I even believed my own lie. —  What a strange thing, to fall in love with storms. —  The world is all backwards. —  The heart can get really cold if all you've known is winter. —  I don’t see how not bothering other people with your screwed-up vision of the world constitutes unhealthy behaviour. —  I was born scared - I don’t need a monster for that. —  I'm stuck with all my bad dreams. Bad dreams for bad boys. —  The thing about not talking very much is that people think you’re mature. They make things up about you. —  The problem isn’t that I’m alone. Alone is good. —  Do you believe in miracles? —  Just because no one else could see it didn't mean it wasn't there. —  There are beautiful words inside me. —  The people who shouldn't hate themselves, do hate themselves. —  You fight yourself. And you keep fighting yourself. And it's killing you because you're fighting the best part of yourself. —  People who have monsters recognize each other. They know each other without even saying a word. —  No human being had ever made me feel like that. —  I lost myself somewhere. And that’s a very sad thing. —  I don’t like God very much. Apparently, he doesn’t like me very much either. —  I have this idea stuck in my head that you have to be born beautiful in order to dream beautiful things. —  I lived in pain because I chose to live in pain. —  If you want to be alive, you can’t avoid pain. —  I do not know what it means to be okay. I have never known and maybe I will never know. —  I’d rather have a cup of coffee and a cigarette than live in all that honesty. —  The people who should hate themselves, don't hate themselves. —  What if my heart is all rotted out and corrupted? —  Let's say we're all going to get better. Let's just pretend we will. Fine. Where are we going to go after we get better? —  I’m not a good kid. —  I have it in my head that when we're born, God writes things down on our hearts. —  What a strange thing, to fall in love with your own life. —  I don't like remembering. Remembering makes me feel things. I don't like feeling things. —  Somewhere along the line, I fell in love with the idea of tragedy. —  What does he want with me anyway? Is he trying to scare me? —  What did being connected to the world get you? —  If you can quit for a day, you can quit for a lifetime. —  I’m tired. I just want to sleep forever. —  If you get to know yourself really well, you might discover that deep down inside you’re just a dirty, disgusting, and selfish piece of shit. —  I’ve decided that this is the good thing about God. He gives you second chances. —  Maybe the monster is outside just waiting for me to step out the door. —  Talking is fantastically overrated. Too many people do too much of it. —  Is that you or is that me? —  I have this storm inside me. It's trying to kill me. I wonder sometimes if that's such a bad thing. —  Some people have dogs. Not me. I have a therapist. —  I have a new theory: if I develop a great capacity for feeling pain, then I am also developing a great capacity for feeling happiness. —  Look, the world is not sane. —  It’s one thing to be sad and it’s another thing to be sad once you’ve been happy. —  For the first time in my life I felt as if I had a real heart and a real body and I knew that there was this fire in me that could have lit up the entire universe.

[niedplays]

Who’d I Put In Smash: Crash Bandicoot

You bet your fuckin ass. Since I’m away from White and... well, everything, I figured hey, what’s the point of having my own video games blog for games and video games blogging that I’d be doing on my own weblogging platform for video games if I don’t dabble in the realm of ‘you know who’d I love to see in Smash? Goku.’ Except, this time, instead of Goku, it’s Smash Crandicoot! You know why? Because I fucking love the Crash series.

Whenever I was a small, itty bitty being, I was super goddamn poor. As a result, it wasn’t exactly, like, feasible for young me to indulge in the hobby of videos game, especially since video games cost a billion goddamned dollars back then. Seriously, look up game prices in the nineties. As bad as a new video game can cost nowadays, they’re still cheaper now than they ever were. 

Anyway, as a result of this, I got new games on my birthday/Christmas, and only games that my mother and stepfather wanted to play anyway. And, believe it or not, one such series of games was the Crash Bandicoot trilogy on PS1, which my stepfather liked to play.

Maybe I’m just so fond of Crash because of how much I was exposed to him as a child. Maybe I just like Crash because the original trilogy is rock fucking solid. Maybe it’s because Crash Bandicoot is a tried-and-true ICON of the eeeearrrly PS1 days. 

Either which way, I love my boy Crash. And I think he should be in Smash!

However, don’t think I’m Joker-ing this situation. While Smash is flush with third-parties, even with some that have little-to-no experience on a Nintendo console, I still think a good idea is to ensure Smash reps do have said experience. And, believe it or not, Crash had some very nice games on the GBA! Crash: Purple aside (since we don’t uhhhh talk about that one), The Huge Adventure and N-Tranced are both solid platformers. This isn’t even mentioning ports to Nintendo consoles, like with Wrath of Cortex, N. Sane Trilogy, whatever the fuck you can quantify Skylanders as, or those fucky titans games that Radical Entertainment put out.

Despite being a Playstation icon, my boy Crash has Nintendo experience! Shit, I even thought up some potential specials.

Neutral B would be the Fruit Bazooka, which would, naturally, be the wumpa fruit bazooka from Crash 3: Warped. I think an interesting idea would be, when it’s out, the reticle would be able to be moved around, and, by hovering it over another fighter, you can lock onto them.

Side B would be the Death Tornado, the upgraded form of Crash’s spin from Crash 3: Warped. Rather than the normal spin, which I assume would be incorporated in Crash’s normal attacks, this one can be mashed in order to prolong the spin, which would be able to moved around, similarly to R.O.B’s spin. Likewise, this could potentially block or reflect projectiles, as well as glide.

Up B would be the Rocket Jump, from Crash 2: N-Tranced. Very self-explanatory, would allow for a boost upwards that could damage anyone Crash runs into.

Alternatively, you could do some kind of usage of the jetpack from Crash Bandicoot 2: Cortex Strikes Back. Either a hover-on-demand, once again like R.O.B’s, something like K. Rool’s Up B, or a one-and-done boost upwards.

Down B would be the Super Belly Flop, from Crash Bandicoot 3: Warped onwards. Also self-explanatory, it’s Crash’s body slam. Maybe it also provides a little bit of upwards momentum (as it does in the game), for some kind of slick recovery game. 

As for the Final Smash, I was puzzled. For, like, five seconds, until I realized exactly what could, should, and would be done. Invincibility, baby!

With three masks, Crash becomes invincible, and uses this valuable time to stomp a hole in all competitors’ faces. Complete with music!

And hey. Hey! You know what’s better than one bandicoot?

As of N. Sane Trilogy, Coco has all of the same skills and abilities as her darling big brother. Echo! Echo! Or, uh, maybe an alt. Either way, Nintendo, I already did all the heavy work for you! All you have to do is secure copyrights, negotiate with Activision, create models, texture them, rig them, create animations, align animations with the models, create UI elements, work on marketing materials, write a script, record voicelines, potentially rerecord/reformat various musical themes, create sounds, program a character, and tweak balance values, among any other steps that I may have forgotten!

C’mon, I’m waiting!

[indecentpause]

Get to Know the Writer Tag

Hi there @authordai! Thank you for tagging me! Sorry it took me a couple days to answer; I’m always losing notifications if I don’t do them immediately. XD

Anyway, I answered some of these all already, but many of them could have MULTIPLE answers, so I’ll do it again, with different ones if I can!

If you could tell your younger writing self anything, what would it be?

Don’t worry. You’ll find your people. I know it’s hard. I know you feel like your friends don’t care (and they don’t, and they won’t; get new friends). I know your family thinks your writing is a waste of time. It’s not. Keep going. Do it for you, write stories you love, and eventually you’ll find a blue hellsite where you’ll feel lonely and unloved for three years, but oh, that year three. You will meet an amazing community who will give you the love and support you’ve craved all these years.

Do you want each book to stand on its own, or are you trying to build a body of work with connections between each book?

The Holding Our Hearts in Our Hands can potentially be a series, and the three stories have much more depth if you read them that way, but they can be standalones if one is only interested in one title. The Sheraton Academy longfic is all loosely connected, in that some of the characters overlap, but they aren’t meant to be taken as a series, because I have like three Josselin/Meara AUs and they can’t ALL have happened that way. XD

What authors did you dislike at first but grew into?

Like last time, I still can’t think of any. If I don’t like something there is usually a deep-seated reason, and I can’t think of any of those things I’ve grown out of.

What was an early experience where you learned that language had power?

Aside from BULLIES when I was a smaller Pause, when I finally realized there was a label for me -- asexual -- unless you have been through it you can’t imagine the relief I felt. I wasn’t broken! There wasn’t anything wrong with me! Other people felt this way, too! It’s the single most powerful experience with language I’ve ever had.

What’s your favorite under-appreciated novel?

All of them, lol. Most of my favorite books are 25 cents thrift store finds either nobody’s ever heard of or that have terrible reviews on amazon and goodreads.

What’s the most difficult thing about writing characters from the opposite sex?

It’s not it’s not it’s not it’s a MYTH all you have to do is talk to people and research and you can do it toooooooo

What was your hardest scene to write?

Aside from the last one I mentioned, which was the hardest, the second hardest was the prequel to Footprints in the Rosemary, which never made it out into the world. A character commits suicide and his boyfriend finds his suicide letter along with a box of mementoes and photos and breaks down. I cried writing that scene. It’s the only scene I’ve ever cried while writing.

When you develop characters do you already know who they are before you begin writing or do you let them develop as you go?

It’s a mixed bag. I always know at least the basics of a character -- name, appearance, relationships to other characters in the story, goals, etc -- but they continue to grow as I write.

Where is your favorite place to write?

desk

What is the most difficult part of your artistic process?

REVISING uGH I never know if I’m just full of myself or if it’s actually good and doesn’t need much revision and sometimes it does and other times it just needs a few minor tweaks so I’m always second guessing myself. Thank god for @ohsugarfoot. She keeps me sane and is my favorite beta reader, because she wants to see my work succeed. So she’s honest but kind and constructive.

Do you eat or drink while you write?

Coffee and sometimes cookies if I have them. Usually I don’t though because otherwise I’d eat them all. XD ALWAYS coffee though, iced, sugar and a teeny bit of milk.

What’s an odd thing you’ve gotten inspiration from?

I don’t know, really. Sometimes ideas strike from out of the sky like lightning. Sometimes I’ll see something that makes me think ‘hmm’ and sits with me for a while. Sometimes I’ll be talking to one of my writing buddies and go “wouldn’t it be interesting if --” and then it Happens.

What is your least favorite trope?

A/B/O and magic!cock. They squick me out.

I’m not going to tag anyone because I already did last time! :D

[thebootybitchdragon]

So, first of all, I am super excited to have found somebody as excited about the clone as I am. I've been thinking about it a lot since Butch posted his video. But, I'm confused, because I thought this was ten years into the future? Wouldn't original Danny be older? Like 24 I think? Aside from that, you guys got some really good ideas about this character, and I've been laughing at some of the comments for a good few minutes.

AHHHH someone else who likes the clone!Welcome friend!!! 8) lmao, I was browsing the Phantom tag yesterday waswas so disheartened by how many people were irritable at all of thedesigns or downright kicking them to the curb. Which, isunderstandable, everyone has their tastes, and I agree that most ofthem are just…..Put Them Back embodiments, but it was still sad tosee so little interest in the Clone.

Because its such a good idea ripe withpotential, both for TUE levels of darkness and for hilariousscenarios. For once (ONCE) Butch has done okay by me.

And now to actually answer yourquestion, lmao: Yes, you are correct, the original concept was Vladfor ten years into the future, with a teenage Danny clone (I do admitthat’s super squick, like Vlad do you have no other hobbies besidesbeing fucking creepy? Go outside and play some tennis my dude.) sincethe video was a part 2 to the original Phantom concepts for the tenyear anniversary. However, at least in the ideas and concepts I’vebeen talking about and personally throwing around, I’ve gotten rid ofthe ten year span.

Because it literally doesn’t makesense.

I have contempt for the officialPhantom timeline bc its so inconsistent, but a majority of peoplehave it taking place over a two year time span, based on the twosummer episodes. (This is something I personally don’t agree with,but I have no evidence to argue it so I’m stuck like a petulantchild grumbling in the corner) and Vlad gives Valerie her gear in S1Ep10, Shades of Grey. I cannot recall if it was specifically statedin canon Vlad was using her to get Danny’s DNA, but I’m trustingthe wiki bc I really don’t want to endure re-watching Kindred Spiritsand D-Stabalized. If we assume that this had been Vlad’s goal fromthe start (something I disagree with and will touch more aboutbelow), that means that he’s been gathering Danny’s DNA for about ayear to two years if we estimate heavily with the nonsense timebetween the episodes.

In that time span, he figured out howto do the cloning, built the equipment, went through countlessprototypes to figure out all the bumps and snags, made severaldecently “functional” clones (Dani and the one he fucking murdersas a display), made the “perfect” one, and figured out exactlywhat he needed to stabilize an artificial hybrid of ghost and humanorigin.

In two years max.

It would not take him ten fuckin yearsto recreate a successful perfect clone. Even if everything wasdestroyed twice and he lost Valerie’s “assistance”. And thereason for that is because he already knows how. The hard part isdone. Once you know how to do something through so much trial anderror, you know what not to do and what you should do the nexttime around. Vlad doesn’t need to re-figure out how to make astable, perfect clone again, he can just get the equipment, the DNA,whatever and just do it.

Which he was most likely attemptingto already do in D-stabilized.

[Edit: I neglected to look on thewiki before writing this entire thing bc I was confident I know thematerial and apparently I need to get a reality check on my ego bc Iwas completely misremembering D-Stabalized. The fallowing should betaken with gratuitous lumps of salt bc I’m salty at this discoveryand also I haven’t changed anything in it.]

Why do you think hewas going after Dani? Why would he want that information of “Whyare you so stable?” if he wasn’t trying again? If he wasn’t at thepoint that he NEEDED to stabilize something? For future knowledge?Please. If Vlad was truly going to make another perfect clone, hewould not wait several months after loosing the first doing literallynothing but tormenting Danny and being an ass, nor until after he’sfigured out Dani. He was working on the Clone project for a long timeunder everyone’s noses in the first place, so who’s to say he wasn’tagain?

I’m saying Vlad wasliterally within inches of succeeding in D-stabalized. That healready had a second Clone ready to stabilize.

[Edit: I was incorrect in thinkingVlad only wanted Dani to learn why she’s stable, he wanted to use herto make another perfect clone. I was close, but not close enough. Iam still standing by my theory, however, canon can suck it. It’sstill at least feasible.]

Hartman suggestedin the video, as I’m sure you know, that the Clone (I call himDaniel bc there’s literally no way he’s not namedDaniel.) has some of Vlad in him. And this, my friend, melds so well with where canon dropped off.

Vlad wanted andattempted to stabilize the clones with Danny’s full DNA, probably soit would be 100% Danny, enough to the point he was willing to murderDani to figure her out/use her. However, after failing to get themid-morph from Danny (failure 1) and failing to get anything fromDani (failure 2), Vlad would be unlikely to try the same thingsagain. I would also like to think he’d also be unlikely to continuing to announce “OI I’M CLONEING YOU” to Danny, but it’sVlad so you never know.

He would be forcedto think of something else.

There is nothing incanon suggesting that Vlad couldn’t use his own mid-morph tostabalize a clone. He never brings it up, never explains why themid-morph is the critical link aside from the fact that it just is.There’s very little info about just how these clones are made, sothere’s no known rules to what could work and what wouldn’t. A possible reason this might not work is that it could function likebody parts or blood types, where you need a match in order for it tobe properly accepted. In that case, however, its just figuring outwhat you need to tweak in order to force an acceptance, somethingprobably made easier to do when you’re in control of the entiregenetic sequence you’re fiddling with.

This would not taketen years to do. None of it would. It would take at most, I think ayear. Maybe two, but that’s pushing it. I also have a theorythat Vlad was being so obtuse in Season 3 was to purposefullydistract Danny, but take that as you will.

This is all of myfancy way of explaining why my personal ideas are set so close to theactual canon and kicking that gross ten years to the curb.

As for my forgotten notion about why Idon’t think Vlad started cloning from Valerie’s beginning was becauseVlad was still mostly focused on Maddie up until Maternal Instincts,which occurs 6 episodes after Shades of Grey. Shades of Greyis only three episodes from Bitter Reunions as well.That’s a pretty small amount of time for someone still (reasonably)sane to go “I liked that kid, I want him to be my son. I shouldclone him.”

I’d also like to state that in the fourepisodes Vlad appears in before Kindred Spirits (not including TUE)but after Maternal Instincts, not once is his main goal Danny.Nor is it ever Maddie, either. Danny becomes a factor in MillionDollar Ghost, however his main goal is still stealing the portal. InReign Storm, he’s more inclined to use Danny than to try to make himhis son, bc again: his goal is the artifacts. In Secret Weapons, Vladisn’t even interested in Danny when he’s dropped in the middleof his lab. Tbh, I can’t for the life of me figure out what Vlad’sgoal was in the whole sibling battle thing, he really just fucked hisplans up himself in that one. In Masters of All Time, his goal wasthe cure, and again, had no problems using Danny as a pawn.

Kindred Spirits is the first place inthe entire series where we see the extent of how far he’s willing togo to get Danny to be his son. The first episode where it’s his maingoal.

I just realized how close MaoT andKinSpirits are, I wonder if Vlad triggered the Ectoacne flare workingwith the ectoplasm for the clones? Hmmm, interesting.

Anyway, the point is: Vlad kept hiscloning stuff a secret, but for how long remains a mystery. Mostlybecause there’s no point in time where it becomes obvious just howdesperate he is to have Danny. Is it when he saw an opportunity withValerie? Or is it after Danny ruins his attempts to get the Ring ofRage back from Pariah by blowing up the ectosuit so he was just like“Well fuck, now what do I do to keep myself busy?”

Getting back onto the topic of Cloneand Original Danny, there’s a second, lesser reason I’ve personallybumped the time skip, and that’s because there would be literallyZero conflict between a 14 year old and a 24 year old.

OlderDanny would kick his ass, trainingfrom Vlad be damned.

OlderDanny would also not be fazed asmuch as a younger Danny as his identity being perverted by a clone.This is because the age gap would automatically render them as beingtwo different people. OlderDanny would not see the clone as himself,at least not fully, because he’s already a mature adult. The clonecould not torment Danny with the fact that he’s him, that he’sstealing anything, that he’s threatening his notion of being andsense of self. Because OlderDanny has nothing to fear about a youngerversion of himself; he’s stronger, wiser, and different enough. Thedynamic simply doesn’t work. This is why Danny could be okay withDani: he doesn’t see himself in her. He doesn’t think of her as aclone, as the doppelganger. Because she’s a girl, she’s younger,she’s different. She isn’t him in his eyes.

With an identical copy, that’s notsomething you can avoid or ignore. Can’t deny that its not your facetwisting into that evil smirk that looks so wrong because itsfamiliar but not. Its you, but its not, and its uncomfortable,its an invasion of privacy, the ultimate identity theft. Its a personthat wears your face, sees with your eyes, speaks with your voice,thinks with your brain, and bleeds with your blood. And yet its notyou.

The closest thing Danny had to this wasDan. But Dan could be defeated. Dan could be made so that he neverexisted in the first place, completely avoided.

Daniel could not.

Daniel’s creation is out of Danny’scontrol, his existence never takes into account what Danny wants orcares, because its done at Vlad’s whims. And that’s the worstpart: the lack of control. To know that an identical yet completelywrong version of yourself exists against your will and you haveabsolutely no control over it is torture, especially for someone whoalready had cause to fear himself once before. Sure, Danny can fightDaniel, suck him up into a thermos, and maybe kick it into the ghostzone to try to be rid of him forever, but he would still existand he could always come back. Unlike Dan.  And there’snothing Danny could do about it.

What even could be do? Try todestabilize him? Ask clockwork to erase him from existence? Lock himin a thermos and bury him deep in the ice caps? Kill him?

Would Danny truly be the person to tryany of those?

In other words, the closer Daniel is tobeing like Danny, the worse effect it would have. So its all aboutmaximizing that to get the full potential of the conflict. Dannyneeds a reason to see Daniel’s creation as the ultimate line crossed,the “This has gone too far” moment. Danny needs a reasonto not only despise, but fear his clone.

There are some….problems, with this,and I’ve already used them in my argument: the fact that it another you is too different, you stop seeing it as yourself. AndDaniel is not an identical copy. He has aspects of Vlad in him.There’s a very fine line to be walked, between Daniel being similarenough that it hurts Danny while being different enough to count as adifferent character. The design alone might already doom it. But fuckit, you people can pry my inverted skunk haired baby from my colddead hands.

I realize that this is a very longresponse, and very little of it pertains to what you asked. However,I hope you enjoyed my analysis and my explanation of my personalreasoning. This was a lot of fun to talk about (I can’t remember if Igot into some of the things in other asks or if I’m recalling themfrom a thing I was gonna post but hasn’t gotten to yet. If thereare repeat things, I’m sorry! My memory is v bad.) and I thank youfor the ask!

I also realize that a majority of thisask talks about making Daniel Danny’s worst enemy, which goes againstthe “They slowly become bed buds” ask I got earlier. I receivedthat ask before I really had any ideas of what to do with Daniel, andsince I’m loving this worst enemy idea, the conflict isunderstandable. The friend idea is still on the table tho! All itneeds now is a climax, a trigger, a turning point. Something thatchanges the dynamic to start that “I hate you, but not as much as Idid, and I kinda sorta enjoy your company a little bit.” ball a’rollin.

Fuck if I know what that is tho lmao

[scottadamsblog]

Some Fake News About Me from Bloomberg

Last autumn, before the election, a writer for Bloomberg asked to spend a day with me to interview me for a feature piece about my blogging on Trump, and my life in general. I could tell from the initial conversation that it was going to be a hostile article. The reporter was open about being deeply frightened of Trump, believing him to be a racist, sexist, homophobic monster. So you can imagine how she felt about me for writing flattering blog posts about his persuasion talents.

I quickly determined that agreeing to the interview would be foolhardy. Obviously it was going to be a hit piece. The writer weakly tried to conceal that fact, but failed miserably. 

If I agreed to the interview, I knew I would be making myself the target of ridicule and shame, baring my flaws to the world -- both the real ones and the fake news ones. No rational person would agree to such an interview. It was a suicide mission.

So I agreed to the interview. 

Regular readers know I don’t experience embarrassment like normal people. I just thought it would be funny to have them write about how wrong I was. . . just as the election was about to prove how right I was.

The day I agreed to the interview, I told my girlfriend Kristina that I was going to be the subject of a “hit piece” in Bloomberg. When the writer asked to speak to my brother, for background, I told him it was a hit piece, but I invited him to do it anyway, just for fun. Obviously, no sane person would agree to be interviewed for hit piece on his own family.

So my brother agreed to the interview. 

We’ll have a good laugh about it later today. He got framed as a gullible idiot for “believing” something my mom told us when we were kids.

Check the article here and see if you can spot the fake news and the places where context has been tweaked to make things look both true and misleading at the same time. I’ll tell you what you missed, if anything, after you read it. Compare your impressions to my Fake News Report Card below.

Here’s the Bloomberg article by Caroline Winter

Fake News Report Card

1. The article and headline used my old phrasing “master wizard” instead of the updated “Master Persuader” that I used in 95% of my work. That was an intentional choice by the editor to create the KKK association in your mind, or at least to make it all seem silly.

2. The anecdote about me showing her a Victoria’s Secret Whencast that I made didn’t happen. One of the hundreds of public Whencasts on the site included that content, created by a woman. I might have opened that one along with others as different examples of what the software can do. By highlighting that one bit of fake news (saying I created it), and putting it in the context of my girlfriend being too young for me, it created a powerful and intentional creepy vibe.

3. Kristina doesn’t live with me. She was staying at my house temporarily while her place was having some repairs and upgrades. 

4. When an article is intended to be favorable, you see photos that make me look relatively good, like this one, from Peter Duke:

When an article wants you to look bad to the reader, you see photos like this, from the Bloomberg article:

This is standard practice on both sides of the political spectrum. Publications pick the photos that tell their bias, not the story.

5. The headline suggests I am somehow, maybe, in favor of genocide. Obviously I’m not in favor of genocide, and the article later weakly explains that. But by then, the damage is done. Your brain is most influenced by what you read first, especially if it is in a headline.

6. The headline says Trump hypnotized me. I would accept that as a hypothesis, but the article doesn’t address the point at all. The implication is that I’m a gullible nut-job, as opposed to one of the few people who predicted Trump’s win and provided lots of cognitive-science-backed reasons for the prediction.

7. The article was initiated before the election, and was originally intended for publication about then. But a funny thing happened that ruined everything for Bloomberg. Trump won, and in so doing, he made me look like less of a nut. My accurate predictions, against all odds, would have been the headline in any article that wasn’t designed to be hostile.

8. To explain my Linguistic Kill Shot idea, the writer focused on the Carly Fiorina “look at that face” incident. She could have mentioned Lyin’ Ted, or Low Energy Bush, or Crooked Hillary. All stronger examples, but they don’t make me look like a sexist when the context is omitted. The Fiorina examples does.

9. The writer refers to my wide field of interests as “unusual fixations,” thus turning ordinary discussions of fitness and diet habits into something that sounds like a fetish.

10. Last year, the author of a book about seduction called The Game mailed me a copy of his book. This is common practice among authors. Sometimes it happens because an author thinks another author would be interested in the book. Sometimes an author hopes to get a public mention to boost sales. I have lots of unread books all over the house for this same reason. The Bloomberg writer focused on this one. The Pre-suasion book she mentions was also signed and sent to me by the author, for the same reason. But I read that one. (It’s great.)

You might recognize this book-related persuasion trick as the Mein Kampf play. If someone gives you a book that you didn’t ask for, somehow the book still explains your soul.

11. The writer asked me what would happen for me personally if Trump won. I talked about the good and the bad of it. She picked only the following words to make me look like a douche bag: “If Trump gets elected, my profile will go through the roof, because I’m in a very small group of people who publicly said he would win in a landslide. ... I’ll be very popular,” he said, with satisfaction.”

Notice the three dots before “I’ll be very popular.” That is your signal for a manufactured quote. They assembled it from bits of what I said and left out the context that would have rendered it un-douche-baggy.

12. This quote is out of context: “In the kitchen, Adams installed three microwaves so he “can make a lot of popcorn at once.” The missing context is that I designed the house knowing that whoever makes the popcorn for the rest of the family misses the first part of the movie. Plus, the extra microwaves come in handy all the time. I use them at the same time quite often. How did that come out sounding nutty?

13. My girlfriend, Kristina, has an advanced degree from UC Berkeley, plays multiple instruments, has succeeded in several fields, and now has 3.3 million Instagram followers. The writer mentioned her bra size.

14. This quote was cobbled together to make me look like a racist and a sexist because I write about Trump. “Adams has said, his professional advancement was thwarted by diversity hires. ‘There was no hope for another generic white male to get promoted any time soon,’ he wrote in Dilbert 2.0: 20 Years of Dilbert. (Later in the book, he noted that his Dilbert TV show was canceled after ‘the network made a strategic decision to focus on shows with African-American actors.’) 

Both events are true, but in the first case she left out the fact that my bosses told me in direct language that they couldn’t promote a white male. I didn’t imagine it. Likewise, the UPN network literally made the decision to focus on African-American viewers at that time. it wasn’t just my interpretation of events.

Here’s the problem with that sort of reporting out of context: I’m also the guy who thinks men should stay out of the abortion question and leave it to women to decide what should be legal. I also blogged about my ideas for slavery reparations. I also described myself to her as “ultra-liberal” on social issues, because I am. If you leave out that context, the anecdotes sound like an explanation for why I grew up to be so terrible.

15. The article quotes my friend and cartooning colleague Stephan Pastis as being appalled at my Trump support, and speculating that the reason might simply be that cartoonist crave attention.

Of course I crave attention. Plus, it’s my job. That part is not in dispute.

But I think Stephan’s quotes were from before Election Day, when people still thought I was nuts to predict a Trump win. Today, I think Stephan would add a second hypothesis: I did it because I thought I was right, and it seemed important to me to share with the world what I could see coming from a mile away.

Plus I crave attention. It was a twofer.

16. The writer badgered me on several occasions to make a comparison between Dogbert and Trump. I said Dogbert’s personality is based on my own dark inner thoughts and had nothing to do with Trump except they are both ambitious in the extreme. So she wrote this: “I’d thought the point of those strips was to laugh at Dogbert’s cruelty—not celebrate it. But Adams seemed elated by the triumph of a Dogbertesque president.” WTF?

That’s sixteen intentionally-biased or incorrect components in one story.

By the way, Bloomberg did have a third-party do fact-checking on the article by running a bunch of questions by me for verification. That is standard practice for the big publications. None of the things I mentioned here were in the fact checking. The fact-checkers don’t check the writer’s own eye-witness accounts for accuracy, and they don’t check for missing context.

When normal citizens read the news, they think it is mostly accurate. But when you are the subject of reporting, you can see the fake news all over it. I thought I would share this view with you so you can increase your skepticism when you see this sort of thing presented as truth.

Plus, I crave attention. I couldn’t solve healthcare funding without it, among other things. Attention is fun, but also a tool.

You might still wonder why I volunteered to be interviewed for a hit piece, aside from the attention thing. My brother just sent me a very short video clip of his first reaction when he opened the article to read it. I think this answers all of your questions.

---

Update: An alert Twitter user sent me one of Caroline Winter’s 2015 articles. You might be wondering if all of her subjects get similar treatment.

You’re going to laugh when you connect the dots.

---

You might enjoy my book because I crave attention.

I’m also on...

Twitter (includes Periscope): @scottadamssays​

YouTube: At this link.

Instagram: ScottAdams925

[disneydreamlights]

It just hit me that the MoM in the MMO AU is an awful lot like Grings Kodai from the Zoroark Pokemon movie. I mean, both of them seek to know the future, both end up torturing a child in some way, both of them are villains with good publicity, and both are complete and utter sociopaths who feel no remorse for their crimes. I mean, the MoM PROBABLY has a higher body count and Kodai probably wouldn't mutilate himself for power, but I didn't say they were identical, now did I?

I mean I don’t remember who Kodai was but tbh I could see the MoM being crazy enough to do shit like that so...

Okay so, I know that the MMO AU is mostly based on making Strelitzia as miserable as possible while still giving her a happy ending, but I can't help but feel sorry for Luxu. I mean, he has to watch his friends turn on and murder each other, the nicest of said friends accuses him of being responsible, he out lives his wife and later children when he ascends to the Unchained State, and, unlike Strelitzia, doesn't get a happy ending. What do I mean by that? He'd die, permanently, in KH5.

Give Luxu a happy ending plz. He deserves one too. ;w;

So, one tweak I'd make to show WHY the MoM would be so worried about Ava is that, in the Case of Ava scene, she'd tell him, to his face, that she doesn't think dividing the Keyblade Wielders into Unions is a good idea when he foresaw a WAR between those Unions. I repeat, she'd have the guts to tell the MoM that she thinks he's wrong, TO HIS FACE. The MoM would, with feigned calmness, try to pass it off as a necessary evil and distract her with her assigned role.

The MoM would comment on Ava's boldness, and even question why she hadn't brought up her grievances before. The reason would be that Ava didn't want to get decapitated by Invi for "blasphemy" or "heresy" or whatever Invi would accuse Ava of. Speaking of Invi, she would EVENTUALLY notice that, despite alliances being forbidden, she had technically been in one with Ira. She'd pretty much snap at this point, with what little sanity she had left melting away at the idea she might've failed the MoM. 

Once the bell that signals the Keyblade War chimes, however, Invi would get snapped out of her berserk state by a realization. THIS is what the MoM wanted. At which point we see what Invi acts like when she is completely sane. And let me say this, if Lauriam is at his scariest when he's driven himself completely insane, Invi is at her scariest when her mind is clear. If the Keyblade War was voice acted, she'd be eerily calm in her pre and post boss dialogue, and at ease when she dies.

So, Invi in the MMO AU would probably count as an ambiguously evil character, with whether or not she counts as a villain depending on who you ask. I don't personally think of her as a villainous character, but that's mostly because of my head canons regarding how the MoM indoctrinated the Foretellers. The only Foretellers I believe to be truly evil is Aced, primarily because he's a manipulative Social Darwinist with a self-serving morality and a violent streak the size of Texas.

For the record, there would be anger in Aced's voice in his last words, desperation in Gula's, and regret in Ira's and Ava's. Invi would be the only Foreteller to die at peace with everything that's happened. And no, none of the Foretellers would ever come back after the Keyblade War. The closest we'd see would be the Dream Constructs in the Unchained State, until the Player Dreams of the Keyblade War, at which point even they would vanish for fear of waking those memories a second time

So I don’t know if I can actually approve of my precious bear son being truly evil (more pushed to a bring without any other way) because I love him and he deserves better but anyways.

Invi being cold and collected only because she’s carrying out exactly what the MoM decided he wanted terrifies me slightly.

Vanitas would be terrified of Aqua. She was able to shatter the proto X-blade mostly on her own, survived in the Realm of Darkness for over a decade, and hates him almost as much as she hates Xehanort. And it would take Aqua a while to forgive him too. I think it would be a combination of seeing him being a good brother to Strelitzia and realizing that she shouldn't exactly be proud of the fact that a boy she adopted regularly has nightmares about her. Perhaps she could teach him how to swim?

Yo I read a Vaniqua fic with that scene recently of Aqua teaching Vani how to swim.

*ahem* Ignoring that trash side of me I never talk about, I’d love to see Aqua and Vanitas interracting in a way that was cute like that. owo

So, pre-redemption arc Vanitas would kinda be a death seeker, feeling that he has to atone for fleeing the first Keyblade War by dying in the second. The fact that doing so would wipe out what Vanitas sees as a cruel and twisted world is just the icing on the cake to him. Deep down though, death scares him. The fear that makes you run would manifest as Prize Pods. The fear that motivates you to fight forms the basis of the Vanitas Remnant. And speaking of fear, Vanitas would still fear water.

At the end of the epilogue DLC, Vanitas would get a piece of Ven's light, and Ven a piece of Vanitas' darkness. This would allow their hearts to heal separately, putting an end to the Unversed and allowing Ven to regain his memories. This would have the downside of bringing back his hydrophobia. Ven would just conquered his fear of water before BBS, while Vanitas would still fear water in KH3. Then again, when you are nearly drowned at the age of 7...

...Stop you’re gonna make me wanna protect Vanitas too I’m already sympathetic enough to him that I can ship him with Aqua don’t make me want to hug him more he’s like the opposite of a cinnamon roll. ;w;

So, due to Terra's Heartless growing into a second Ansem and Xemnas norting himself, the restored Terranort's personalities would have actually switched, so that Ansem is attached to Terra's heart where as Xemnas is attached to Xehanort's. As such, when Xehanort is purged from Terra's heart, Xemnas' personality will cease to be, and when Ansem makes the mistake of summoning Terra's Keyblade and putting his mind in contact with the Lingering Will, his personality would cease to be, healing Terra

...Damn that’d be an interesting way to have Terra restore himself to being Terra.

So, Vanitas' return would be suitably terrifying, as the Vanitas Remnant basically rips Vanitas' darkness out of Sora's heart, and absorbs it, allowing Vanitas to regenerate around the Remnant.

That’s terrifying but you’re right that’s suitably terrifying for Vanitas.

[sarahburness]

Neglecting Self Care: The Biggest Mistake I Made (And How You Can Avoid It)

Whether it’s lack of capital, economy or just a bad idea, each business has its own reasons for failing. And even though I’d agree that those reasons are common, there is another insidious reason that can cause a business to fail.

It’s neglecting self-care.

Here’s why I believe in this and how you can avoid it in your own journey.

You are your business

“You are not patient enough. Your lack of patience is killing you and your need of things is killing you.” – Gary Vaynerchuk

Whether you realize it or not, your business is an extension of you. You are your own business.

From culture to product development, your personality and decision-making have a direct impact on every aspect of your business. And that’s why my big “ah-ha” moment came when I heard that phrase.

It’s a simple phrase. But, when you really think about it, it makes a lot of sense.

How?

Well, when I first started, I was working crazy hours and always on the go. I threw all other priorities to the side and only cared about one thing – getting my business up and running.

I figured this had to be done and it’d be worth it in the long run which, to some degree, I would agree. But, in hindsight, I’ve realized how damaging this mentality was.

I was overworking myself and operating at 20%, which subsequently meant my entire business was, too.

I didn’t notice it at the time but the quality of my work was quickly declining. Slowly, I started to lose clients because of it.

So, I tried to replace those clients by marketing with blog posts.

It wasn’t a terrible idea, but here’s the problem – those blog posts didn’t make sense.

And on top of that, when I did get a potential client on the phone, I could never close the deal. To this day, I’m still not sure why but, if I had to guess, I’d say it’s because I was strung out and they could tell.

But, as crazy as it sounds, I continued to operate like this for 8 months and somehow survived.

Part of me thinks it was because my original base of clients -the ones I got when I was still sane- stuck with me out of pity.

The other part of me thinks they stuck with me because they couldn’t find a better rate. I’d offered them a good discount to get up and running. In retrospect, that wasn’t the best idea.

But, fragile things can only hang on for so long and one day, it all came crashing down.

I finally snapped and after losing my cool over the dumbest thing (still embarrassed to talk about it), I finally realized that something had to change.

Immediately, I reached out to all my remaining clients and told them I’d be shutting down the business. I notified them of a referral source that was a good friend of mine and one that agreed to honor their current pricing for the next 3 months.

Now, to be completely honest, I was expecting and hoping for some condolences and expected the typical “No, Sean. It’s sad to see you go.” However, as I’m sure you can guess, that didn’t happen.

Instead, all of them replied with some form of “I think that’s a good idea. You could use some time off.”.

Yeah, that was embarrassing.

I continued on anyway. I tried to make the transition as seamless as possible and after I got the last client moved over, I began my “comeback period”.

To start, I immediately sold everything I could, moved back in with my parents and started digging into self-development books.

I wasn’t quite sure what I was looking for. I just knew I had to work my way out of this funk.

So, that’s what I started to do and even though this “comeback period” was only supposed to take a few weeks, it ended up taking 6 months.

And as weird as it sounds, it was the best 6 months of my life.

Not only was I able to come back fresh, but I was able to come back with a wealth of knowledge that I wish I had the first time.

I’ll explain that knowledge throughout the rest of this article. But, long story short, business is a marathon, not a sprint.

With that said, hard work is inevitable

“There is no substitute for hard work” – Thomas Edison

Okay, so now I’m going to throw you a curveball.

I know I just spent the first 5 minutes telling you how I overworked myself and ruined my first business. At the same time, however, I’m still realistic. I realized that all good things take hard work.

That’s why I’m not here to tell you that you can’t or shouldn’t work hard. I’m here to tell you that there are ways to blend the two together.

And when you do, that’s when good things start to happen.

There’s plenty of different ways to do this, but out of all the reading and things I’ve tried, I’ve learned that the best way is systems.

Now, I’m not talking about computer systems or anything like that. I’m talking about systems that allow you to absolutely bring it day in and day out.

And to give you a good idea of how you can apply this to your life, I wanted to give you a sneak peek of the exact systems I’ve used to significantly better my life.

Starting with:

Plan your day out the night before

“If you fail to plan, you plan to fail”- Benjamin Franklin

When I first heard this advice, I honestly thought it was crazy.

I didn’t think it’d make a world of difference if I planned my day out the night before and even if it did, I didn’t think it’d work for my business.

I was a client-facing business and new fires happened every day. There’s no way I could have my schedule set in stone the night before.

But then, I read a story about Charles Schwab.

It explained how he was frustrated at the lack of productivity of his staff and after dealing with this for a short time, he finally decided to ask for help.

He made an announcement and promised to reward the person who could increase productivity for Bethlehem Steel.

After a short search, he came across a man known as Ivy Lee. According to Schwab, Mr. Lee gave him a singular life-changing piece of advice.

That advice?

Every evening before finishing work:

Write down 3–5 things you plan to get done the next day

Rank them from highest to lowest priority

In the morning, start working on the task of highest priority

Only move on to task #2 when you’ve completed #1

Repeat

And that was it. That was the singular piece of advice that changed Charles Schwab’s life.

It was so valuable to him that he sent Ivy Lee a check for $25,000 (the equivalent of $297,256.23 in 2015) 3 weeks later.

So, after reading this story I decided to give it a shot and let’s just say, I’ve used it ever since.

I don’t know if I’d consider it an advice worth $297,256.23 but that’s the best part. I received it from the Productivity Planner, an investment that only cost me $25.

This planner does a lot more and really helps me keep track of all the important tasks at hand. It’s something I highly advise for any entrepreneur.

Sleep

Have you ever met somebody that likes to brag about how he never sleeps?

The type that’s usually sending Snapchats at 4 a.m. or has “you can sleep when you’re dead” tattooed on his back?

Yeah, that used to be me. Well, with the exception of a tattoo on my back.

I was always the type that bragged about how I only slept 5 hours a night. I figured that I was outworking my competition and if I just slept fewer hours, I’d get more work done.

It made sense in theory, but here’s the thing: When I was working, I wasn’t productive.

Don’t get me wrong. I thought I was at the time. But, when I compare the amount of work that I accomplished then to the amount I get now (after getting a full 8 hours), the results aren’t even close.

In other words, I finally realized that my lack of sleep and “constant hustle” was just a glorified way of torturing myself and getting nothing done.

Sounds crazy now that I think about it, but the point is sleep is the foundation of productivity.

Without it, you’ll be dragging the next day. Even though you think you’re productive, you’re not going to be as productive as somebody who’s had a good night’s sleep.

So, what’s the ideal amount of sleep then? Whatever makes you feel rested.

For me, it’s 8 hours. For others, it’s 6 and half hours.

Everybody’s wired differently and if you have the flexibility to test it, I think the easiest way to figure it out is by sleeping in without an alarm clock.

See Also: Do You Have Sleep Debt?

Always have a morning routine

“Win the morning, win the day” – Tim Ferriss

Have you ever woke up frantically and just started running around?

I’m not talking about the Saturday morning after a fun Friday either. I’m talking about a typical Tuesday.

One where you spring out of bed, run straight for the shower, scramble around to find your keys, leap out the window, run to your car and start your day.

Okay, hopefully, you’re not leaping out the window. But if you’re anything like me, then you can certainly relate.

I used to start every morning like this after hitting my snooze for 30 minutes and, surprisingly, my days were always frantic.

I was always running around trying to multitask and always felt like there wasn’t enough time in the day. Something I guess most people refer to as a “rat race”.

And then I heard about the concept of a morning routine- an organized morning routine. One that didn’t involve a frantic wake-up or me jumping out the window to start my day.

The logic of this was that if you could find a routine that turned into a productive day, then replicate that routine and make every day a productive day.

It made sense and I couldn’t find any reason not to give it a try. So, I finally mustered up the courage to ditch my current routine and find another one that’d help me start each day off right.

Now, this took a lot of testing and tweaking. But, after months of trial and error, I finally found my sweet spot. The one that’s allowed me to start every day how I want and all jokes aside, that’s actually allowed me to replicate my increased productivity every single day.

Again, everybody’s different and everybody should make tweaks to fit their own needs. But to get you started, here’s the exact routine that I use every day.

My morning routine:

Wake up without an alarm clock.

Make my bed. (We’re completionists, this gets the momentum going.)

Take the dog for a walk. (Try for an hour, but sometimes more. Usually, it depends on the podcast I’m listening to.)

Take a shower, last 30 seconds are cold. It wakes me up and has some health benefits.

Drink 2-3 cups of coffee that’s usually spiked with Laird Hamilton’s Superfood creamer.

Read for 20 minutes while drinking coffee. This can be anything, but it’s usually the Tao of Seneca.

Meditate using Headspace. It helps remove all anxiety and gets me ready to tackle the day.

Open my productivity planner and start getting things done.

And that’s it. That’s the routine that’s skyrocketed my productivity and indirectly made me thousands of dollars.

To be honest, I probably should send Tim Ferriss a $297,256.23 check as he’s the one that got me on this routine. However, I don’t quite have that much change lying around (yet), so please don’t tell him.

Use the Pomodoro technique + productivity music

Alright, so before we get into this one, I want you to imagine a coder sitting in some dark room, music blaring and just absolutely going to town on his keyboard.

He’s likely got a coffee or large soda in front of him, taking a quick sip every 30 seconds before he goes back to typing a million words a minute.

Okay, now take away the “coder” aspect of this and you get me when I’m in one of my “Pomodoros”.

So what exactly is a “Pomodoro”?

Well long story short, Pomodoro means tomato in Italian and the guy who created this technique (Francesco Cirillo) used a tomato shaped timer when he first created it. So, he named it the Pomodoro technique.

Interesting, I know…but it works.

It works because it forces you to remain 100% focused on a task for 25 straight minutes. That means no Facebook, no email, no phone, no coffee refills and no bathroom – unless absolutely needed.

It’s a concept that sounds overly simple and it really is. But, it’s also one that’s helped me get more things done in 2 hours than I used to in an entire day.

I guess I don’t have the exact scientific reasons for this, but from personal experience, it just helps me keep my eye on the prize and not stopping until it’s complete.

It’s much more effective than my traditional technique of working on something for 3 minutes, checking Instagram, seeing if I have a new email, making sure I didn’t miss James Altucher’s latest blog, and then going back to the task for another 3 minutes.

Now, this worked great and didn’t really need any improvements but then, one day, I was reading Tools of Titans (huge Tim Ferriss fan if you couldn’t tell) and I started trying out the productivity music that he listed.

I tried a few of them but the one that really got me going and one I’ve stuck with to this day is “I Choose Noise By Hybrid”.

Again, not necessary, but it amplifies the experience.

Set boundaries – Parkinson’s Law

“Busy is not productive” – Tim Ferriss

In college, it seemed like I had 2 types of teachers.

One that would give me 3 months to type a paper and one that gave me 3 days to type a paper.

I’d always praise the former and cuss the latter (behind their back, of course) but looking back now, deep down, I think I actually liked the latter more.

Not as a person of course. I’m pretty sure they gave tight deadlines to torture us, but I noticed that when I had 3 days to type a paper, I’d instantly go to town and quickly create a work of art.

Okay, maybe it wasn’t a work of art. But, hey, C’s get degrees.

Then on the flip side, when I had a teacher that’d give me 3 months to type a paper, I’d spend the first 89 days thinking about the paper and making myself a mental wreck. Then, I’d spend the last day cramming all the worthless information I could think of onto a piece of paper and pull away with a D.

Not ideal, but oh well. The occasional D still gets a degree.

This is something I chalked up to a life of procrastination. Then one day, I was reading The Four Hour Workweek by Tim Ferriss (surprising, I know) and I came across the concept of Parkinson’s Law.

Tim gave a similar example of how he applied this concept to college papers and after I heard that, it really started to make sense.

If you’ve never heard of Parkinson’s Law before, it’s an old adage that “work expands as to fill the time available for its completion”. In other words, no matter what, you’ll always be rushing to hit the deadline.

Now, this might sound depressing and if you don’t do anything about it, it can be.

But. here’s the good news.

You can actually use this to your advantage. Instead of allowing yourself long deadlines that cause you to be a mental wreck, take a different approach and tighten up your deadlines.

Always work until 11 p.m.? Force yourself to stop working at 6 p.m.

Always work 7 days a week? Go crazy and start taking Friday, Saturday, and Sunday off.

The way you do it isn’t the important part. The important part is that you work less and force yourself to get more done. Kinda like the teacher that gave me 3 days to write a paper.

Ketogenic Diet

“I find I have much better drive and focus when in a state of ketosis. I have a lot more mental clarity and productivity.” – Bryan Barksdale

Have you ever had one of those mornings where everything is going great and you’re extremely productive, but then you go to lunch and want to sleep the afternoon away?

Yeah, me too. And like many others, I just thought this was normal, something I’d have to live with.

But then, I was talking to a friend and he was telling me about this new lifestyle he was trying out.

Now I’ve never heard somebody say they were trying out a lifestyle so he had my attention already. Then, he cranked it up one notch and told me it was actually a diet.

Ohhh boy, another one of these speeches. No, I will not buy your Nutrisystem.

But, we were out to lunch and I didn’t have anywhere to hide, so I continued to listen to his spiel and that’s when he started to tell me that it wasn’t really a weight loss diet. Instead, it was a diet that helped him maintain energy.

I asked him to continue and that’s when he got real excited and started babbling a bunch of fancy words.

From what I gathered, he was able to keep a steady source of energy because his body was running off ketones (energy that’s created when fat is burned) as opposed to glucose (energy that’s created when carbs are burned).

And even though he sounded slightly crazy, at the same time, he kinda made sense.

I was always a sandwich guy, which meant I was getting my fair share of carbs in over lunch. So, even though I’d never heard this logic before, I couldn’t really discount it.

Not until I tried it, at least.

So, over the next 2 weeks, I decided to look into this a little more and see exactly what I had to do. Then, a few days later, I decided to give it a shot.

I told myself that I’d give it 4 weeks and if I didn’t notice a difference after that, I was going back to my Jimmy Johns.

And to be completely honest, I was really hoping it wasn’t going to work. I really didn’t want to have to decide between my Ultimate Porker and increased energy.

Then, I finally hit ketosis (fat burning mode) and holy hell, it was worth it.

My productivity soared. I no longer had afternoon crashes. My memory improved and I was always focused.

Now that I think about it, I kinda feel like Bradley Cooper in Limitless.

(Even though I still miss my Jimmy Johns.)

That’s a wrap

Without you, your business won’t survive.

I know how easy it is to fall into the trap of constant hustle and thinking more work means better business.

But, remember, busy does not mean productive.

You’re better off taking care of yourself and focusing on the long game, not the quick win and neglecting self-care.

The post Neglecting Self Care: The Biggest Mistake I Made (And How You Can Avoid It) appeared first on Dumb Little Man.

from Dumb Little Man https://www.dumblittleman.com/neglecting-self-care/