#anyways. shouldnt have been canceled.

[thesundanceghost]

man okay like vida really was such a good show

[violentdevotion]

i love your actimel fridge posting keep it up

:D thank you !!!! Its more full than usual right now because the other day i went shop and got some and today my brother went to get groceries and my mum told him to get me some actimel while he was there so for at least the next 2 weeks i should be good on actimel !!!!

[poraphia]

Halloooo ^^ ..

I read a lot of ur stories and now Im in love with fictions :3 (might need therapy cuz of it but nvm that)

U an amazing writer <3

(Im pretty new to Tumblr so extremely sorry if this ends up where it shouldnt be or smth like that lol)

But anywaaay , Can I pls request a Wilbur Soot angst fic :D ?

Im going thru THAT phase rn so anything would be awsome really ..

Maybe a fight (unintentionally) breaks out between Wilby and reader and Wilby accidentally raises his voice and reader gets scared ? I know its a cheesy story and people might'a written before but I barely find Wilbur angst fics anymore :(((

Anyway , Thank u so much .. U dont have to write any of this if ur uncomfortable .. Hope ur doing okay :> .. Take care n' bye :D

"You’re Being Too Loud."

➵ PAIRING! cc!stressed!wilbur x stressed!reader

➵ CREATING! 10.12.23 | 1444 words

➵ CONTAINING! angst to comfort, wilbur is ignoring reader, reader lowkey has attachment issues, reader sensitive to loud noises, wilbs is overworked

➵ SAYING! hiii @toastyliltoasts41 welcome to tumblr! sorry for the late late response but i hope you enjoy :) personally going thru this myself especially w so much work ive been doing recently and also im noise sensitive (literally walk around with noise canceling headphones all the time). thank u for all the nice words!

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: .☽ . :☆ﾟ. ───

I slipped off my shoes and placed them near the doorstep. My socks glided against the furnished planks as I slid to our shared office. I dragged my backpack behind me, feeling the weight of my laptop, notebooks, and textbooks. Once I made it to the room, I placed my bag on the chair and unpacked all my belongings onto my desk.

Today was too exhausting, and the one thing I dreaded doing right now was to open my laptop and be faced with more work. Instead of taking my laptop with me, I grabbed my phone and dragged myself out of the office and into the bedroom.

After changing into my loungewear, I snuggled myself into silk sheets, shivering a little from the cold fabric wrapping around my body. Ignoring the chill, I held up my phone with both of my hands and swiped open the messaging app to text my boyfriend. I glanced at the past messages, realizing that Wil hasn’t responded to any of my messages from this afternoon. The last time he texted was this morning when was telling me what time he would come home. Sighing, I typed in another message in hopes that this time he would respond.

“Hey, I’m home now. Too tired to cook food today. Let’s order something when you get home? <3”

I clicked send before clicking off my phone and placing it on the nightstand. My eyes fluttered close, and slowly, I drifted off to sleep.

I woke to the sound of footsteps clicking against the ground. With my hands I pushed my body up to examine the noise. From the corner of my eye, I caught a glimpse of a familiar tall figure headed toward the office. A small smile formed on my face as I carefully got out of bed.

My bare freet pressed against the cream colored carpet. I wandered around the hallway before finding the office door slightly ajar. Through the crack I saw Wil hunched over his computer. His sweater’s sleeves were rolled up to his elbows and his fingers hastily clicked against his keyboard. Quietly, I approached him from behind, throwing my arms around his shoulders and hugging him close.

Wil quietly hummed in response. I titled my head, pecking his cheek, but he didn’t react and instead his eyes stayed glue to his screen. My eyebrows slightly furrowed, but nonetheless, I continued hugging him.

“Hey, sweetheart.” I mumbled in a croaky voice.

“Hey,” he replied blankly.

“Did you see my texts earlier today?”

“Uh huh,” He said absently. “I saw the message after I ate though. Sorry.”

I felt my chest tighten a little, hurting at his absence. All I wanted in the moment was a hug and a conversation about each other’s day, but instead, he was absorbed in his work and couldn’t even make the effort to look at me.

“Wil, can we talk?” I asked.

He slightly shook his head. “No, not right now, honey. This video has to be out by tomorrow and one of our editors hasn’t been feeling well so I took up the work.” He explained briefly.

“But you’re already busy working at the studio…” I mumbled.

“I know, but I can finish this up by tonight. Just give me some time, please.” He requested. My heart skipped a little, feeling like a dog that had been put aside for a brand new puppy.

“Wil, you haven’t talked to me all day. Could we at least just have dinner together?” I nearly pleaded.

“I already said I just ate, (y/n).” Wil said rather sternly. “Please can I just finish my work?”

“But I want to spend time with you.” I said, speaking up a little bit. I unwrapped my hands away from him and stepped back a little. He turned his chair a little to face me with one of his hands still on the keyboard. He looked up at me, a stressed but furrowed expression on his face. I wrapped my arms around myself, hugging my own chest.

“I want to spend time with you but you’re basically prioritizing this work over me.” I said again. “I understand that sometimes you have too much work. I understand that. But we haven’t been spending time with each other for the past few days and it’s driving me crazy. I just want to relax with you, Wil.” I bit the insides of my cheek. Wil, in turn, sighed and rubbed his nosebridge.

“I’m not prioritizing work over you, (y/n), I’ve just been busy lately and this argument is just stressing me out even more.” His words were spat out like venom.

“Which is why I’m asking that we just spend time together! This isn’t just for me, but it’s for you too.” I threw my hands up, frustrated. “Wilbur, we can relax together! You’re acting like this isn’t stressing me out either!”

Wil got up from his seat now. His tall figure nearly towered over me, making me slightly cower. “I DON’T WANT TO FUCKING RELAX RIGHT NOW, (Y/N)! I HAVE SHIT TO DO!”

I stepped back, nearly stumbling. Without realizing, tears were running down my burning hot cheeks. The air went cold and I felt this hallowing emptiness surrounding me. A ringing was bouncing in my eardrums and goosebumps ran through my arms and legs. He looked down at me, eyes wide as if he just realized what words escaped his lips. Before he could say a word, I walked out of the office and back into bed, slamming the door behind me.

I jumped into the mattress and buried my face deep under the sheets. I quietly sobbed into the fabric, not caring for the tears darkening the silk. It didn’t take but a couple minutes later to hear the creaking of the door and soft footsteps approaching the bed. I lied still under the covers as I felt the mattress dip from a newfound weight.

Wil sat there for a while. His knee shook a little, making a tiny thumping noise against the floor. I was turned away from him with his lower back lightly pressing against the heel of my foot.

“(y/n)..?” He softly called out for me. “Are you awake..?”

I shifted a little, moving my foot away from him to let him know I was listening. He sighed with his leg coming to a stop.

“(y/n), I’m sorry. I—I’ve just been really stressed, but that gives me no right to start yelling at you. And me being really busy has been taking away the time with you.” He paused a little bit, presumably licking his lips. I still didn’t have the courage to move. Instead I laid still, not daring to move. “I’m really sorry, (y/n).” He apologized again.

A deep sigh huffed from my nostrils before I sat up, letting the sheets cascade off my body. He turned his head to look at me, his feet still planted on the ground. I looked into his eyes, seeing the pained looked deep in those irises.

“Y-You know I don’t like loud noises.” I croaked out, my voice cracking with my words. He slowly nodded, bringing his legs up on the bed to fully face me. “And I really don’t like it when you yell. Please, I really just wanted to spend time together.”

“And we will spend time together.” He grabbed my hands and cradled them in his. “I’ll message Elodie right now if she could finish the work. But right now, it’s going to be me and you together, okay? We can maybe catch up on our show and I’ll order some food for you, okay?” He reassured, rubbing his thumb against the back of my hand. “Maybe I’ll steal some fries from you every once in a while.”

I giggled a little. “Noooo! Get your own food!” I whined, lightly pushing his shoulder. He chuckled in response before wrapping his arms around me, pulling me close to his chest. I wrapped my arms around his torso in response, breathing in his scent.

“I just missed you, Wil, you know that…” I softly whispered. He nodded, running his fingers through my hair.

“I missed you too. I promise I do.” He whispered back. His voice was low and deep but he made sure to maintain his volume. It was soothing, something I could fall asleep to,

and most importantly,

it wasn’t loud.

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: .☽ . :☆ﾟ. ───

a / n ~ hope you enjoyeddd notes of all kind are super duper appreciated! if you wanna be in a taglist or an anon my inbox is always freee :D ALSO SURPRISE!! TWO ONESHOTS IN ONE DAY I AM ON A ROLLLL

[despazito]

hi! i saw you talking about the mystery dog disease and you said we shouldnt be feeding deer and im jw if its just a general dont feed wild animals cause its dangerous/bad for them thing or if its something else related to transferrable disease? (or both?) WAIT UNLESS YOU MEANT DONT FEED DEER TO YOUR DOGS?? THEN NVM CANCEL THIS POST LOL

it's not a good idea to feed wildlife in general, even feeding birds can have its ethical dilemmas depending on who you ask.

but feeding deer in USA/canada is not great because many places already have deer overpopulation problems since we exterminated their natural predators. it makes them tame and congregate in suburban areas where they can get hit by cars, spread disease by sharing a feeder and living in close proximity to many other deer, and tame deer have been known to become aggressive and attack humans.

and when there's too many deer or attack incidents they typically get culled, which further emboldens the deer sympathizers to keep feeding and taming them in retaliation. I get to see plenty of deer in my yard without ever having to lure them with food (well, technically our vegetable garden but we rather they didn't lol)

the deer where i live are scary tame, i try to shoo them away and they trot a few yards then stop giving a fuck. which can be very scary when deer are also a rabies vector and tameness is a symptom of it!

also as i mentioned there have been reports of covid in deer, and if you have pets that go outside they should not be in contact with deer droppings if possible, they can get parasites (and some can be fatal). i've been to the yards of deer feeders and there's just poop everywhere. i feel like people really understate the biosecurity risk of excessive deer poo on your property.

anyway i would highly discourage it!

as for feeding deer to your dogs, many dog foods are made with venison and i live somewhere with a lot of deer hunting and venison consumption so i'd say practice the typical meat prep precautions and don't feed it raw.

[kewpidity]

Okay So i had a brain blast about my ship with alastor so this is gonna be the Definite Kewpie x Alastor Ship Post that covers everything i have so far about it ↷↷↷

so this whole thing starts because somehow someway i get a demon attached to me as a kid, a toddler even, dont really know how or why, but because of this my whole life growing up is plagued by insane near death experiences all orchestrated by this demon (this is based on some real shit in my life btw, not to sound superstitious or anything and i dont even think i believe in demons of any denomination but there was some Weird Shit going on, i might talk about it someday) and by the time im an adult ive tired everything under the sun to stop these things from happening- different religious practices, spells and charms and rituals and so on and so forth im at my god damn limit im so tired

eventually im pushed to try to fight fire with fire, and end up summoning Another demon to try and idk cancel out the old one? make a deal to keep me safe? not sure What my plan was but i'd come this far and i didnt know where else to turn

well the demon i summoned was alastor. he wasnt even my intended target, in fact of demon of his power shouldnt really be able to be summoned at all under normal circumstances, and would require someone with a ton of power of their own to pull it off (havent decided if this is something i managed to do because of all the varied rituals etc mentioned earlier, or some dumb luck) and that alone is kind of intriguing for him

tbh he hasnt been summoned in a While, its something that got lost to time and he kinda assumed it would never happen again, and even when it happened before he would usually just kill the person without bothering to strike a deal, cause even people who did manage to do it usually werent strong enough to do it safely

but hell has been kinda Boring lately, the hotel hasnt given him as much entertainment as he had hoped (this is like. mid season 1, and with the understanding that the story stretches way longer than the breakneck speed the actual show takes) and he sees this as an opportunity for something interesting to do for a while

when he hears what im looking for, he's gotta laugh about it- there's no way this other demon that had attached to me would give him any trouble, and this was a great way to guarantee he get another soul when i eventually died anyway, so he offers up this deal:

for a few hours a day he gets complete control over my body, a full on possession to do whatever he wants with that time.

obviously im hesitant, but we go back and forth on it a bit before deciding to make the deal with some ground rules (like he cant do anything thats gonna get me killed prematurely for example- after all im doing this specifically so i dont die by another demon's hand)

so we strike the deal! no all he has to do is get rid of that other demon and my soul is as good as his! its not that simple tho of course- he's not sure how the demon is accessing the living world, and figures its likely similar to what he's doing- somehow tethering himself to the living world, while their actual physical body is still in hell, so he needs to figure that out on his end, and it ends up being a more difficult task than previously expected- so he could be dealing with something older and more powerful than he realizes.

he'll figure that out later tho, he's got living stuff to do! at first he's v dismissive when i ask him what he could possibly want to be doing with my body, like what was he even planning to get up to, but he cant keep me completely in the dark about it cause im still sorta There when im possessed- its a bit like lucid dreaming where you're aware that you're dreaming, but not quite aware enough to control what you're Doing in the dream, and over time i become more and more present the longer he's possessing me

so eventually he admits that he's curious about what happened after he died- he was a bit of a celebrity when he was alive after all, he's sure it would cause Quite a stir when it was revealed after he died that he was a criminal- a moonshiner for one, but a serial killer and cannibal! he wants to know if there was a media circus, where he was buried, wants to visit his old stomping grounds, and so on and so forth. this leads me on all kinds of adventures through the deep south, the dusty aisles of libraries and newpaper archives, old graveyards, and so on, all the while we keep getting more comfortable and close despite ourselves

and eventually i realize that he isnt actually interested in what happened to himself after his death, he's actually using all this to try and find out what happened to his mother. she was Not a local celebrity, and his infamy was so large that it eclipsed most of the people he knew in life, so tracking it all down was kind of a hassle. but he was and is a mama's boy, and he wanted to know if she lived a good life

now all of this eventually winds down to figuring out why there was that first demon attached to me, probably some fucked up nonsense a little while back in my family tree or something (tbh im not sure how much i want to focus on the how and why but we'll see) and we get that settled finally as well as finding out how alastor's mom's life played out and put him at east there, and all that's left is to simply live my life until i die, where i'll go to hell and alastor will have my soul to keep (we're v cozy at this point and quite comfortable cohabiting a body and mind space so he's not particularly eager to completely break the tether until my time comes)

and the thing about sharing a mindspace with something extremely dangerous and powerful that has just enough sway over the world around you to keep you safe in a bad situation, or even fully take over your body to get you out of it, is that you feel v confidant most of the time and fear isnt really something you deal with anymore, so i frequently go wandering around the woods at night for example because im sure nothing can really touch me when i have a demon for a companion

a demon in your head cant protect you from a bullet however, and maybe i should have known better than wandering the woods at night during deer season, and maybe the unholy aura i had around me hit the moonlight just wrong and the hunter thought he was aiming for the silhouette of a creature with antlers, and then i was dead

and then i wake up in hell

if this was a fic, at this point it would be like the 'part 2' (and who knows if i iron it out enough maybe i Will write it sometime) and im not sure exactly what i want to do about it just yet obviously it would loosely follow the canon of the show, just with a lot of extra stuff thrown in. maybe in 'part 1', we didnt actually Kill the other demon, just broke away from it, and its still in hell somewhere, fuming about losing my soul, or maybe finding out about his mom actually did Not put alastor at ease- maybe his actions made her life very difficult and now he has to deal with knowing that and i can use that as a catalyst to him getting redeemed to see her again in heaven, not sure yet!

but i do know a big part of the interpersonal situation is that we dont share that mindspace anymore, we're just physically There Together and tbqh its really difficult to cope with. we both got so used to it that we feel like something's missing now, and we might even go so far as to try to find a way to reestablish that mental link, or maybe there's still echoes of it lingering, but only if we're asleep or something like that

like i said, still ironing out the hell part of it all, but thats what ive got! much to think about much to think about

and to add to this- some stray little Thoughts and Ideas to play around with in regards to this story:

while researching alastor's life and 'hunting grounds' we run into a copycat killer, probably someone who has a personal collection of alastor's things, works at a library maybe, who's always dreamed of following in his footsteps, and that decides i should be the first victim since im also sooo interested in alastor's 'work' that i surely wouldnt mind (i do, and so does alastor (he does Not consider imitation as flattery and who tf does this loser think they are coming after something that belongs to him (he's gotten attached)))

i for sure need to come up with more fun and awful little adventures like that

alastor's ability to effect and manipulate the living world around me through his powers alone (so like Not literally using my body for example, this is more like a poltergeist) is stronger when there's radio static playing in the air

going off the idea that the mental link gets stronger and clearer the long it lasts, maybe at sone point it gets so strong that one time when i go to sleep, i 'wake up' in a v similar state as when alastor was first possessing me, that floaty, kinda-lucid-kinda-not, excpet now im hitching a ride in His body in hell and at this point he's so used to having me as a v general and vague presense at the back of his mind that he doesnt even notice at first that im much more clearly and actively There- its a frightening idea for us both when the realization sets cause now we Really gotta face whays going on here and how far its gone

when i get shot by the hunter, alastor is actively co-piloting my body at the time, and since i headcanon he died in a similar fashion (bullet to the head) its like he experienced his own death all over again (something something tied even in our death etc etc) and he sort of 'wakes up' back in his body afterwards and after realizing what happened having to fight the urge to be seen frantically searching the streets for me now that i must be here

considering we Were linked up when i died, and the black mark this whole situation would leave on my soul, my demon form would probably echo his design

how far am i willing to go while alive to achieve our goals- ive definitely been put in situations where i needed to do harm for survival, but would i go further than that, not because i needed to, but because i wanted to? is it alastor's influence or something that i was always capable of? do i indulge in cannibalism? what about after im in hell, what then?

thinking on it, i think Will go with alastor's mom suffering from his life choices, and him having to deal with that, as Well as having to deal with that first demon in 'part 2' to carry over as an overarching plot

maybe we Both get redeemed but we dont actually like it in heaven like its too bright so we fuckin.

act up to get sent back (this is mostly jokey but could you imagine)

[take-it-easy-1004]

oh fuck idk why but today has been so horrible so far. its all small problems rly ik i shouldnt be complaining abt this stuff but idk. so yesterday i found out i have swimming class, german class and piano class today and i fucking lost it. not in terms of anger or sadness but just like ohhh fuck oh fuck yk. anyways today my mom cancelled my german class because it's too much so yay. i woke up and brushed my teeth and made some breakfast. i had piano class which was so fucking boring because like this teacher sometimes just tells me to do the same thing over and over again, even though i know what to do, it's just hard and i'm trying. i asked for a bathroom break halfway through and used it to lie down. i also hate how the side camera required for my fingers shows how fat i am. anyways after that i laid back down for a bit then finally went down and watched netflix for a long time. i also went to the garden so there's that. when the time for my swimming class came, i was so fucking sad, i hate swimming. i left but when i got there it was blocked off. after like 10 minutes of helplessly walking around, i asked some older teenagers (like 17, 18?) if they knew how to get through. i made sure to look at only one of them since the other was vaping and idk i didnt wanna rly look at him. he took me through the blockade and apparently you just had to fucking walk through a construction site?! it wasnt rly a construction site it just had a machine and i could see some pipes in the ground and the dirt was dug up. i went in, still angry abt the stupid design and apparently it was so stupid that literally three people had found the way in. i was in a class with three people. fuck. the reason this was bad is because i suck at swimming and with 70% of the class not there the teacher would focus way more on me. i hate being corrected. not for egotistical reasons, but because i just cringe inside and im like oh fuck whats wrong with me. anyways i get changed in a horrible stall which is bad for me because i always am scared of my clothes touching the ground or forgetting to lock the stall and someone walking in. another reason i hate swimming is because im fat and i didnt have a full body suit. great. i walked around like with my arms around my stomach, yk what i mean? i went in and i was so fucking slow. these kids were half my age and twice as good as me. halfway through we got out and like stretched our arms. i was scared because recently ive been getting my first armpit hairs which isnt much and not noticeable but i was still super scared. also i thought i saw a classmate which wouldve been super embarsssing (uh oh) but i realized it wasnt him (yay!). buuuut my teacher had to get my attention because i wasnt doing the arm movements (uh oh). this was just a horrible day. if i remember more i'll reblog but if not then i wont. my phone has 6% so bye

[redrandomposts]

happy bday yjh

i dont have much to offer, but what i do have? happy thoughts. yeah.

===

everyone has seen the kdj celebrates yjh's bday stuff, right? like, pre-scenario he buys a small cake and reads the chapter, blablabla, comments...

during the scenarios he can finally give the protagonist gifts and celebrate it with him. no one has any clue its yjh's bday so they find it watch in confusion as kdj piles gift after gift on top of yjh.

yjh spends the time doing his favorite things - taking care of kdj, gaming, and bedroom things.

that night, kdj celebrates it with yjh quietly with a small cake the latter bakes. the star stream is off, everyone's gone to bed - its just the two of them.

===

yandere and enabler au

kdj, of course, knows yjhs bday and decides to be nice to his stalker. he avoids getting hurt for the week and spends all of his time with yjh during this time (all other plans have been cancelled).

yjh spends this time taking the utmost care of kdj, and kdj ends up with the softest skin he had since the scenarios (maybe even since childhood), the most delicious food hes ever had in the largest quantities ever.

kdj honestly thought that this was more of a celebration for him than yjh, but its well deserved. he has to put up with yjhs bullshit everyday and sometimes some plans dont go to plan.

hes cleaned too many bodies for yjh to not deserve this.

(enabler kdj is unwilling to see his favorite bastard sunfish protagonist yandere(...) imprisoned or worse, on death row.)

===

no scenario au where yjh celebrates his bday by playing an mmorpg w kdj, on stream.

"you sunfish bastard, whyd you leave me here-?!" "hurry up." "wait up!" "stop reading the dialogue, dokja." "shouldnt you know whats going on?" "no."

"dokja. what is that." "you see there was this dragon egg on sale and i bought it, figuring it would come in handy since kyrgios mentioned that dragons often-" "the one who gave us electrification?" "yes! him! anyways, the dragon egg hatched yesterday when i was going to do that one quest you mentioned-" "we were supposed to do that one together." "well, i couldn't do the quest because this beauty hatched. her name is biyoo."

"its been seven hours, joonghyuk-ah, cant we take a break?" "hm. alright." "really?" "yes. we will continue tomorrow. goodbye stream."

===

kdj holds a cake, a single candle sticking out of it. he lays it on the stone, lighting it and singing "happy birthday" quietly.

the wind comes by and blows the flame out before kdj can himself.

tears running down his face, kdj can barely focus on the gravestone. he didnt have the strength to continue after yjhs death, but every attempt he had made was failed.

how could he live on without his beloved protagonist?

[problematic-alters-unsilenced]

We have a James Sunderland fictive (Silent Hill 2) in our system, and he has pseudomemories of his wife, Mary. He has memories of killing his wife in source and it absolutely tears him apart. He likes to consume content of his source (as do I, the host), but people always make these sorts of fucked up jokes about how he killed Mary, so it’s always a gamble of whether he will be triggered by something or not. We know that those people just see him as a fictional character and not a real person, but it still upsets him and us greatly.

We also fear the day that we come across people that will judge him or hate him for his actions in source, when he very much regrets it and is trying to redeem himself by being the system’s protector. (And he isn’t even 100% his source anyway.) So far everyone we’ve met has been very kind, but we worry that one day we’re gonna get kicked from a server or canceled or some shit like that.

Yeah, that can be terrible. I personally believe that.. even source memories dont define you. Even if you remember doing something in your memories, if thats your source memories, you couldnt really control those memories being given to you.

Of course, sometimes source memories reflect who someone is, but it isnt always the case. And i feel alters shouldnt be held to the standard of memories they couldnt actually control.

[madisonrooney]

yall plz send out all good vibes/luck for me

i mentioned i got a ticket to the disney legends ceremony, right? i got an ASL accessible seat by accident and d23 contacted me on tues saying if they find out i dont actually need the accommodation ill be permanently banned from any future disney fan event and my tix will be forfeited and not refunded. thankfully, i think that was an exaggeration bc i called and they said they can either refund or TRY to relocate my seats but theres no guarantee and it could take up to FIFTEEN DAYS for me to hear back.

dealing with uncertainty is one of the hardest things for me so the fact that i have to wait that long to hear is killing me. the other hardest thing for me to deal with is guilt and im kicking myself for not reading the fine print. i was one of the lucky ones to get tix at all, especially on the first day and especially for one of the honda center events, and if id paid just a little more attention, maybe i wouldnt have screwed this up.

i shouldnt act entitled to see miley but itll just destroy me to know shes that close and not get to see her, especially since i havent seen her in 6 years. ive been through shit like this enough with all the cancelled liv and maddie tapings back in the day and this time i THOUGHT id secured it but it turns out i didnt and now i may be essentially punished for something that was an accident. (i guess thats not too dissimilar from l&m tapings, since i worked hard to get those tix then the tapings would just get cancelled).

not only is seeing her so important to me but being there for THIS is like. i have to be there. not to mention ive felt closer to her over the last year than i have in a long time.

anyway im just crossing all my fingers and toes so any positive energy sent my way would be appreciated

[eddiegettingshot]

To be clear I thought buck’s s6 storyline was poorly executed. But I find your interpretation of it interesting because mine was very different. I felt like the captain stuff at the beginning of s6 was never actually about buck being captain, but rather brought up to address buck’s insecurities and what he has to do to overcome them (be at peace, key to happiness etc) so the issue more lies in the writers introducing it in a way that makes it seem like a season arc when really its a multiple season arc that needs to be addressed continuously (and also introducing it at the same time as captain hen and in a season that re addresses chim as a leader makes it more confusing). Is buck at peace with the “made for parts” reality of his life? I think the donor arc was trying to do that but it wasnt very explicit. Is he at peace with his romantic life? I mean could he ever be before addressing the bisexuality of it all lol but I think we’re working towards that (buck actually being happy lol) but still needs to recognize when someone isnt putting it all on the table for him (tommy’s party attire). Is buck at peace with his interpersonal relationships? Some probably (hen bobby (which lightning arc helped with!) chim maddie) some probably not (eddie chris margaret phillip. Daniel?). And I think the s6 finale was supposed to show us that like maybe buck could be captain one day (the instinct is there) but still has a lot of growth to do before getting there bc really if hes at peace w himself he shouldnt get all weirdly jealous all the time or even care about being captain right? Anyways I think theres still substance there but everything in s6 was just wayyy to implicit for me, and way too much going on in a small time frame (mild pass given the reality of what they were trying to do with the show past 6x12 given the possible cancellation)

ok, actually i agree with you on the problem being about it being a multi-season arc!

for me just the fact that they decided to introduce buck dealing with his internal stuff through the captaincy was a poor choice, because of hen (and chim, i forgot about his thing lol) and because to me the natural progression of the arc would have been him tackling his insecurities by developing as a leader but that never happened and instead they brought in all the other stuff you talked about. and then they tried bringing it back around in the season finale with him taking charge but in a way that fell flat because… he hadn’t tackled his insecurities over the course of the season through all of these poorly-executed storylines enough to convince me of any real leadership ability.

also as an aside i don’t know if he’s at peace with the “made for parts” thing since they brought it up explicitly in the coma dream - and obviously he fought past it to stay alive but then the coma dream ultimately didn’t matter at all, he didn’t seem to learn anything from it, so i don’t know if i feel like i can take him being ok with it at face value? idk.

[yuukei-yikes]

What are your post-str Shinaya hcs?

this got so long. its my blog i am not putting a read more. deal with it. its shinaya hour

i want and need a role reversal. i want drama. post str shinaya break up without even being together first. ayano keeps waiting for shintaro to Do something because she's like. okay its been 2~ years and by now she CRINGES at remembering how she acted around him so shes like ok i CANNOT cling to him like that AGAIN. if he wants to come around he will but shintaro is yknow. like that. so obviously he fucking doesnt like honestly hes still sort of acting the same around her like less mean but still a bit dismissive, mostly out of embarrassment though cuz mekatrio wants to kill him+harutaka and momo tease him when he has Moments with ayano so he kinda wants to spare himself that embarrassment so hes like sweet in private then cold in public and ayanos like ????????????????????? does he like me or not what is going ON but also ayano and her amazing awesome self steem issues are like he fucking HATES me im the most annoying person in the world !!!!!!

so she eventually keeps her distance and obviously he notices and shintaros like oh fuck i messed UP because now theres like this sort of misunderstanding and the only way to clear it up is healthy communication but you know DAMN WELL he wont do that but somehow he finds it less mortifying to go around looking like a kicked puppy in a wet cardboard box around her desperately trying to get her attention making ayano even MORE confused.

eventually after a while of being in a circus i think hed get the balls to ask her out himself. probably bc of haruka/takane/momo telling him he's a fucking idiot bitch. anyways i think shintaro tries to kiss ayano and they hit their faces against each others and it really hurts💗🙏

btw thats only them getting together i think. but also that's how they break up and get back together over and over and over with like the exact same precedure everytime. on and off shinaya my beloved.

anc duhhh obviously im gonna talk abt the yuukei quartet Have u met me. takanes like another funny part of the whole thing like i know ive talked abt it but im obsessed with codependent shintaka *holds head* bc ayanos jealous of takane for how vulnerable shintaro is with them unlike with her and takane is individually close to both so shes kinda being dragged by both of them but especially shintaro forcing them to play as their relationship therapist and she fucking hates it but someone has to fucking do it apparently because shintaro and ayano cant talk like normal people. haruka keeps more distance than takane like its something they need to do themselves yknow and tells takane they shouldnt rly get in the way but shinaya KEEP going to her and also takanes insane and still feels responsible for shintaro bc (gestures at the whole ene thing) yeah so its tough for her to say no. like takanes obsessed with shintaro plus sees how pathetic shinaya are being and takane enomoto when they decide to obsess over others so they dont have to think about herself am i right😃<- what haruka tells her . she does not appreciate the comment. the whole thing also causing harutaka drama ougghhh shinaya is so messy that theyre contagious. but haruka is the 1 yuukei quartet member with any emotional intelligence so harutaka have actual communciation so theyre more caught up abt this being like a sorta messed up thing between the whole group and their relationships. on and off shinaya ft unwilling(?) relationship therapist takane ft an even more unwilling haruka who just wants his damn girlfriend to stop cancelling their dates to go stop shintaro from crying at ayanos feet begging her to take him back for the second time this month

ok and.........actual Break Up shinaya where its like Enough for ayano bc thats a fucking insane relationship to have so shes like lol maybe i should get therapy👍 and shintaro again is pathetic and desperately trying to gain her affections back but he just looks so pathetic and its funny. they dont rly stop hanging out bc they wouldnt do that and also its not like shintaro will just leave the dan LOL but thru it all the mekatrio are like KILLING HIM with their eyes especially kano god dont get me started on the one sided(?) kanoshin of it all. i love kano and shintaro having this weird fucking tension during the breakup augh kano little meowmeow the amount of self hatred he feels ok im getting sidetracked shinaya ends up together again basically. in my sitcom delusion shintaro finishes his first song Ever and its abt her and then she hears it everywhere and its so damn embarrassing bc theyre broken up but she still likes him so much it makes her look stupid amd the stupid song brings them back together ummmm sorry. my shinaya era (holds head) i will study them under a microscope

[just-before-dawn]

i shouldnt be stressing out so much about this and this really shouldnt be a major concern of mine, but i keep getting responses on the form saying how people are scared of joining and how uncomfortable they are with this project. it wasn't my intention to make anyone uncomfortable. i know there's been some past drama or whatever that i never got to witness and i know i cannot change the thoughts and minds of people.

but please dont be afraid of joining the zine. i literally want this project to showcase as much talent as i can from this fandom.

i have experience with monitoring hate, harassment, bullying, etc. if you fear of joining the zine bc of hate from other creators, i will try my best to make sure that the zine space is a comfortable space for contributors.

as a person who has been wrongly accused of being something im not in a past fandom, i know how you feel. i also know how it feels to accidentally pass by a post i didnt want to see. so i know how it feels from both sides.

however, i am not one to promote hate, im not one to allow hate. im not one to allow any problems to occur with the projects or spaces i run.

if you truly want to contribute something to the zine, please do. i am literally only judging your art and writing, nothing else. im not judging if you've made an accidental mistake, im not judging if there was random discourse that led to nothing. i just want your art and writing and see if it works well with the zine.

lowkey regretting addressing this problem the first time bc it led to more problems that im like AHHHH. but it just kept coming up.

anyway, please join my zine if you want to (god i hate cancel culture)

[aaaaatillathenun]

Today sucks ass!!!!!! My computer is restarting for no goddamn reason (fuck you adobe acrobat) i accidentally cancelled a form at work instead of requesting edits and now i need to start from the top bc the dept that holds the form is shit at getting back to people in a timely manner and its easier to redo a bunch of math on my end than it is to get them to do a single thing. But also i need them to do another thing for something else i’m worming on and god forbid i get an answer on that in the next week before they shut everything down for a week god fuck this fuck this fuck this AND ive been sick for a couple days and i thought that im finally getting over it but idk if i am or not and my job is stupid anyways and i hate it but i want to go to fucking school so im staying in it but i havent talked to any of my friends in like a week and a half because of being sick and that would make me feel better but i cant make them sick either… plus i just spent a lot of money on a weekend trip so i shouldnt spend a lot of money on other stuff even though there’s like 2 things this weekend that i think could be fun. Fuckkk i should go up to the city this weekend or something idk. Its pretty much my last chance to have any sort of fun or free time until december this weekend. This term is gonna suck ass but at least its so much better than just doing my job

[areyouafraid]

i have to be honest i never particularly cared for foo fighters which isnt me saying theyre like Cancelled because of this and im not trying to do the "well i never liked them anyway" thing i just want to establish first that frankly i dont really give a fuck about this guy so maybe i shouldnt be the one commenting on this but one of my friends commented on how it feels like he feels more guilt over the concept of having a child out of wedlock than he does for cheating on his wife and knocking up some other girl which could potentially like ruin her entire life and ive been thinking about that

[decayinghearg]

i hate myself so much. ive pushed almost everyone away, i feel so bad. i feel so stupid but when i see my insta followers go down or i see im getting less likes i feel bad abt myself. people dont like me anymore and i cant blame them. all summer people have tried to hang out with me but im so flakey. i just feel like i suck so bad that they shouldnt hang out with me or they wont care if i cancel cause im awful to be around anyways.

i just feel so fucking disconnected from my peers. i never let myself get close to people or i just cant. its really just my best friend thats keeping me sane. but lately ive been feeling like she hates me too. its so lonely hating yourself and feeling that others hate me too. i wish i could get close to people but i dont even really enjoy the people who do wanna hang out. everything just makes me anxious and i hate myself for being like this i wish i could just tell people how i reallt feel but i always rhink: oh they dont wanna hear my sob story, im being annoying, im being too personal, im making excuses

i miss when it was a little bit easier to be positive

[shipsational]

Okay So i had a brain blast about my ship with alastor so this is gonna be the Definite Kewpie x Alastor Ship Post that covers everything i have so far about it ↷↷↷

so this whole thing starts because somehow someway i get a demon attached to me as a kid, a toddler even, dont really know how or why, but because of this my whole life growing up is plagued by insane near death experiences all orchestrated by this demon (this is based on some real shit in my life btw, not to sound superstitious or anything and i dont even think i believe in demons of any denomination but there was some Weird Shit going on, i might talk about it someday) and by the time im an adult ive tired everything under the sun to stop these things from happening- different religious practices, spells and charms and rituals and so on and so forth im at my god damn limit im so tired

eventually im pushed to try to fight fire with fire, and end up summoning Another demon to try and idk cancel out the old one? make a deal to keep me safe? not sure What my plan was but i'd come this far and i didnt know where else to turn

well the demon i summoned was alastor. he wasnt even my intended target, in fact of demon of his power shouldnt really be able to be summoned at all under normal circumstances, and would require someone with a ton of power of their own to pull it off (havent decided if this is something i managed to do because of all the varied rituals etc mentioned earlier, or some dumb luck) and that alone is kind of intriguing for him

tbh he hasnt been summoned in a While, its something that got lost to time and he kinda assumed it would never happen again, and even when it happened before he would usually just kill the person without bothering to strike a deal, cause even people who did manage to do it usually werent strong enough to do it safely

but hell has been kinda Boring lately, the hotel hasnt given him as much entertainment as he had hoped (this is like. mid season 1, and with the understanding that the story stretches way longer than the breakneck speed the actual show takes) and he sees this as an opportunity for something interesting to do for a while

when he hears what im looking for, he's gotta laugh about it- there's no way this other demon that had attached to me would give him any trouble, and this was a great way to guarantee he get another soul when i eventually died anyway, so he offers up this deal:

for a few hours a day he gets complete control over my body, a full on possession to do whatever he wants with that time.

obviously im hesitant, but we go back and forth on it a bit before deciding to make the deal with some ground rules (like he cant do anything thats gonna get me killed prematurely for example- after all im doing this specifically so i dont die by another demon's hand)

so we strike the deal! no all he has to do is get rid of that other demon and my soul is as good as his! its not that simple tho of course- he's not sure how the demon is accessing the living world, and figures its likely similar to what he's doing- somehow tethering himself to the living world, while their actual physical body is still in hell, so he needs to figure that out on his end, and it ends up being a more difficult task than previously expected- so he could be dealing with something older and more powerful than he realizes.

he'll figure that out later tho, he's got living stuff to do! at first he's v dismissive when i ask him what he could possibly want to be doing with my body, like what was he even planning to get up to, but he cant keep me completely in the dark about it cause im still sorta There when im possessed- its a bit like lucid dreaming where you're aware that you're dreaming, but not quite aware enough to control what you're Doing in the dream, and over time i become more and more present the longer he's possessing me

so eventually he admits that he's curious about what happened after he died- he was a bit of a celebrity when he was alive after all, he's sure it would cause Quite a stir when it was revealed after he died that he was a criminal- a moonshiner for one, but a serial killer and cannibal! he wants to know if there was a media circus, where he was buried, wants to visit his old stomping grounds, and so on and so forth. this leads me on all kinds of adventures through the deep south, the dusty aisles of libraries and newpaper archives, old graveyards, and so on, all the while we keep getting more comfortable and close despite ourselves

and eventually i realize that he isnt actually interested in what happened to himself after his death, he's actually using all this to try and find out what happened to his mother. she was Not a local celebrity, and his infamy was so large that it eclipsed most of the people he knew in life, so tracking it all down was kind of a hassle. but he was and is a mama's boy, and he wanted to know if she lived a good life

now all of this eventually winds down to figuring out why there was that first demon attached to me, probably some fucked up nonsense a little while back in my family tree or something (tbh im not sure how much i want to focus on the how and why but we'll see) and we get that settled finally as well as finding out how alastor's mom's life played out and put him at east there, and all that's left is to simply live my life until i die, where i'll go to hell and alastor will have my soul to keep (we're v cozy at this point and quite comfortable cohabiting a body and mind space so he's not particularly eager to completely break the tether until my time comes)

and the thing about sharing a mindspace with something extremely dangerous and powerful that has just enough sway over the world around you to keep you safe in a bad situation, or even fully take over your body to get you out of it, is that you feel v confidant most of the time and fear isnt really something you deal with anymore, so i frequently go wandering around the woods at night for example because im sure nothing can really touch me when i have a demon for a companion

a demon in your head cant protect you from a bullet however, and maybe i should have known better than wandering the woods at night during deer season, and maybe the unholy aura i had around me hit the moonlight just wrong and the hunter thought he was aiming for the silhouette of a creature with antlers, and then i was dead

and then i wake up in hell

if this was a fic, at this point it would be like the 'part 2' (and who knows if i iron it out enough maybe i Will write it sometime) and im not sure exactly what i want to do about it just yet obviously it would loosely follow the canon of the show, just with a lot of extra stuff thrown in. maybe in 'part 1', we didnt actually Kill the other demon, just broke away from it, and its still in hell somewhere, fuming about losing my soul, or maybe finding out about his mom actually did Not put alastor at ease- maybe his actions made her life very difficult and now he has to deal with knowing that and i can use that as a catalyst to him getting redeemed to see her again in heaven, not sure yet!

but i do know a big part of the interpersonal situation is that we dont share that mindspace anymore, we're just physically There Together and tbqh its really difficult to cope with. we both got so used to it that we feel like something's missing now, and we might even go so far as to try to find a way to reestablish that mental link, or maybe there's still echoes of it lingering, but only if we're asleep or something like that

like i said, still ironing out the hell part of it all, but thats what ive got! much to think about much to think about

and to add to this- some stray little Thoughts and Ideas to play around with in regards to this story:

while researching alastor's life and 'hunting grounds' we run into a copycat killer, probably someone who has a personal collection of alastor's things, works at a library maybe, who's always dreamed of following in his footsteps, and that decides i should be the first victim since im also sooo interested in alastor's 'work' that i surely wouldnt mind (i do, and so does alastor (he does Not consider imitation as flattery and who tf does this loser think they are coming after something that belongs to him (he's gotten attached)))

i for sure need to come up with more fun and awful little adventures like that

alastor's ability to effect and manipulate the living world around me through his powers alone (so like Not literally using my body for example, this is more like a poltergeist) is stronger when there's radio static playing in the air

going off the idea that the mental link gets stronger and clearer the long it lasts, maybe at sone point it gets so strong that one time when i go to sleep, i 'wake up' in a v similar state as when alastor was first possessing me, that floaty, kinda-lucid-kinda-not, excpet now im hitching a ride in His body in hell and at this point he's so used to having me as a v general and vague presense at the back of his mind that he doesnt even notice at first that im much more clearly and actively There- its a frightening idea for us both when the realization sets cause now we Really gotta face whays going on here and how far its gone

when i get shot by the hunter, alastor is actively co-piloting my body at the time, and since i headcanon he died in a similar fashion (bullet to the head) its like he experienced his own death all over again (something something tied even in our death etc etc) and he sort of 'wakes up' back in his body afterwards and after realizing what happened having to fight the urge to be seen frantically searching the streets for me now that i must be here

considering we Were linked up when i died, and the black mark this whole situation would leave on my soul, my demon form would probably echo his design

how far am i willing to go while alive to achieve our goals- ive definitely been put in situations where i needed to do harm for survival, but would i go further than that, not because i needed to, but because i wanted to? is it alastor's influence or something that i was always capable of? do i indulge in cannibalism? what about after im in hell, what then?

thinking on it, i think Will go with alastor's mom suffering from his life choices, and him having to deal with that, as Well as having to deal with that first demon in 'part 2' to carry over as an overarching plot

maybe we Both get redeemed but we dont actually like it in heaven like its too bright so we fuckin.

act up to get sent back (this is mostly jokey but could you imagine)