#apparently i need to love the part of me that i think is unlovable

[cacaocheri]

all my life I thought I was good at self love until I realized that self love isn't just acknowledging the parts of yourself that you think are lovable. no. apparently it also involves loving yourself when you make a mistake and being gentle with yourself when no one else will be. because APPARENTLY only loving yourself when you do a good job and taking that love away when you make a mistake is conditional love. man. who woulda thunk

[whispering-ways]

• ⪩⪨ ♥︎ love struck ♥︎ ⪩⪨ •

♥︎ summary: you've just come back from a horrible date and your roommate, Midoriya, helps comfort you

♥︎ pairing: izuku midoriya x reader

♥︎ tags: no warnings, just fluff :)

♥︎ notes: hi everyone, hope everyone is having a good day and I hope y'all like this fic! love y'all and thanks for supporting my fics <;3

You close the door to your apartment with a sigh and head to the kitchen. “Yet another piss poor date,” you think to yourself, fatigue settling in your bones. At this point, it was just too tiring. You’d downloaded every single dating app you could think of; you tried your luck on Tinder, Hinge, Bumble, and everything else under the moon. But regardless of how wide a net you cast, you always seemed to pull in the worst fish. It’s not that you hadn’t found anyone attractive or no one had liked you, but every single time you went on a date, it just managed to go sour. 

The first date you’d been on seemed really nice at first, but with the way the guy kept on mentioning that women should be good housewives rather than ‘trying to shoot for the stars’, you knew that pursuing him would go nowhere. The second guy was no better. You’d agreed to go back to his place, just to realize it wasn’t even a place at all; it was his parents’ basement. The third guy? Gross, absolutely gross and that’s all you were going to say. And that led you to today. Today’s date seemed like a shoo-in. 

The guy you were talking to was nice, smart, and sweet and it really looked like he was into you. So when he asked you out on a date to a nearby French restaurant, you were genuinely excited. At the least, it gave you a chance to dress up. But after nearly an hour of waiting, you realized that you’d been stood up. You were so upset thinking about the whole situation that you didn’t even notice your roommate on the couch when you took off your heels.

“Hey, I didn’t think you’d be home by now. Thought your date would take a little longer than an hour,” Midoriya said, moving to the side and patting the seat next to him, motioning you to sit next to him. Although you didn’t want anyone to see you upset like this, you were so glad to see Midoriya right now. You’d agreed to move in with him about a couple of months ago since you two were already best friends for years. And what you needed the most right now was your best friend and a good and proper vent.

“Yeah I’m fine, just that all my dates keep going terribly and I’m practically un-fucking-loveable or something,” you reply, throwing your purse on the couch and slumping down.

“Ok, no need for sarcasm. What we’re gonna do is you’re gonna sit here and we’re gonna talk it out okay?” Midoriya replies. He gets up to go to the kitchen to get a glass of water before handing it to you. “Now tell me exactly what happened.” 

You take a sip and lean back on the couch, placing the glass to the side. “Well, I went to the restaurant and like I thought it’d be like a nice date, like at least a good time you know? But apparently, I’m a fucking moron or something because I sat there for like 45 minutes waiting for him until the staff had to kick me out because of the long wait times.” Just talking about it made tears well up in your eyes.

“What the hell; did he at least send you a text or anything?” Midoriya asked.

"Oh.. that’s the best fucking part is, I walked out of that restaurant and checked Hinge. I had sent so many messages asking where he was, and guess what? He fucking unmatched me!" you share in disbelief, wiping away the tears with your sleeve. You then grab a pizza roll, attempting to find some comfort in food. "I don't know why this always happens.. I just feel like I'm always going to have terrible luck, it's like I'm cursed. Maybe I'm just delusional and need to accept the fact that I'm unlovable..." you speak sadly, staring blankly.

Midoriya placed his hand on your shoulders, abruptly turning you to face him. Surprised by his sudden movement, you paused in your conversation. "Don't say that about yourself, okay? You are loved by so many people, and you're absolutely loveable. All the guys you've just talked to are just douches, and you deserve so much better than them.” You nod your head and wipe your tears, doing your best to pick yourself up. 

He lets out a sympathetic sigh. “How about I make you some of that spicy ramen you like and we watch a movie together? You relax and I’ll take care of it all,” he suggested. 

You chuckle at the sweet gesture. “Yeah...yeah that sounds really nice actually.” A part of your heart felt a pang of hurt at his actions; although it was a sweet friendly gesture, that’s all it’d end up being. Just a friendly gesture. But you did your best to erase that thought from your head.

Midoriya gets up from the couch to start cooking the ramen and you head to your room to change out of your dress into some more comfortable pajamas. You tie your hair up before heading to the kitchen and sitting on the countertop to watch Midoriya cook. After a moment or two, you pipe up and ask whether he needs any help.

“No, I’m all good; just sit there and look pretty. Besides, it’s just ramen, there’s not much to do with it.”

You blush at the reply, but shrug it off and reply “Well at least I offered.” 

As Midoriya cooks the ramen, you both slip into talking about your lives. Midoriya talked about what an ass his boss was being, which was a great way to distract you from your own problems. The light gossip lifts your heart, and you feel refreshed and ready to tackle the world. Once the ramen is prepared, he scoops two bowls and walks towards the couch, where you follow behind him. You sit down and he walks over to your bedroom. With curiosity, you wondered what he was doing there, but shortly after, he returned with your favorite blanket in hand. 

It warmed your heart how much effort Midoriya put into cheering you up. He momentarily takes away your bowl of ramen, only to spread the blanket across you and return the bowl back to you. You take a bite and immediately melt into the couch; it is just what you need. Midoriya joins you on the couch and hands you the remote to pick out a movie. After flipping through a couple of options, you finally settle on a rom-com that you’d been wanting to see for a while. 

It didn’t long for you both to finish your ramen and from there on out, all you both were focused on was the movie. Or at least, it seemed like that’s what Midoriya was focused on. All you could think about was how close you both were. You didn’t know what compelled you to offer whether he wanted to share your blanket with you, but you were definitely glad that you both were sitting closer together. Your fingertips were barely brushing with his and you could smell the cologne on him. “Pine and just a hint of smoke,” you thought, but you knew thoughts like that were only going to hurt you. After all, you guys were just best friends. 

You try your best to remain focused on the movie, which seems to work fairly well. Not too much longer passes until you and Midoriya begin making comments about the film, which had always been your favorite part of watching movies with him; he always had something out-of-pocket to say about what you two were watching.  The climax of the movie had the hero show up at his crush’s door with a bouquet, ready to ask her out. "See that right there? That's what I want. Some flowers and all that stuff on a date? What wouldn't I give to experience a date like that,” you exclaim with a dreamy expression on your face.

You hear Midoryia laugh, and you turn towards him, confused. “What’s so funny?”

“It’s just funny you say that like you haven’t ever gotten flowers ever,” he replies, focusing back on the movie. 

“That’s because I haven’t,” you mumble quietly, but not quiet enough to slip Midoriya’s earshot. 

He whipped his head around to look at you. “That is genuinely insane, if I could take you out I'd have gotten you flowers for sure, what a damn shame honestly.” You look at him stunned, wondering whether if what he said had registered in his own mind.” Well, you know I mean a girl like you, not you...not that there’s anything bad with you..ugh I’m just fucking it up,” he stammers, his hands flying to cover the rosy blush that now covered his entire face. 

You turn away from him and an awkward silence passes between you both. But there was no way you could just leave it off at that. “So you want to take me out then?”

“No..well I mean yes, I’d be privileged too but...” he trails off before sighing, leaning back into the couch. His hands still cover his face as he says, “I just...in all honesty, I don’t want to take advantage of you being upset right now and I know that you don’t have feelings for me so a date would just complicate things, you know?”

Saying that you were thrown for a loop was an absolute understatement. It took you a moment or two to process what he just said before replying, “It’s not like I haven’t thought about it you know. And it’s not like I don’t have feelings for you.”

Midoriya shot up at break-neck speed. “”What?? What do you mean by that??”

“No it’s whatever really, I don’t want to make you uncomfortable,” you say, fiddling around with the corner of the blanket. 

You feel Midoriya's hands gently move over to cover yours, pulling you back to look towards him. His eyes searched for an answer within your own and when you continued to stay silent, he said ”Literally if you don't tell me I'm going to spend all night trying to figure it out and you know I won't with how oblivious I am."

You look down at your interlaced hands and reply, “Well, you know, you’re my best friend and I genuinely enjoy spending time with you. Like I don’t think many people make me genuinely as happy as you do and I have feelings for you. I’ve thought about like being with you, but I like friends with you and  I don’t want to weird you out and push you away.” 

Midoriya lets go of your hands and for a moment, you think that this was the end, he was going to move out and never talk to you again. But before you can even register it, he pulls you into his arms and hugs you tight. He pulls you back and shifts his hands from the small of your back to your face, cupping it. His face has a huge grin plastered all over it. “Weird me out? I didn’t want to weird you out! I love spending time with you and I’ve wanted to go out with you for a long time. You don’t realize what a dream come true this is.”

At first, hearing that shocks yu, but then you start to laugh at how silly the situation is. You hug him back, happy to be on the same page. After you both let go, you smile and a moment passes between you two. It's a bit awkward but you know what you both are so happy that it’s okay. “Is it okay if I kiss you now.”

You’d never seen a man nod quicker in your life. “Yeah, yeah, that would be nice,” he replied, trying to play off his nod. Your hand slips to his cheek and you lean in to kiss him. You feel his smile against your lips, making you absolutely giddy. You pull away from him, your face flushed red. You looked up at Midoriya, whose green eyes shone with admiration. He just looked too cute; you couldn’t help but lean back into pepper kisses all over his face. 

With passion, Midoriya's need to hold you became too overwhelming. He gently eased you into his lap, lifting up both legs so they straddled his. Taking you by surprise, he kissed you repeatedly, as if to convince himself that this was no dream. With every separation of his lips from yours, he seemed more and more content. Breathlessly, he asked, "Is it too early for me to ask you to be my girlfriend?"

“Absolutely not,” you say, snaking your arms around his neck. You pour every drop of affection and joy you had for Midoriya into the kiss. “This is like a dream come true,” you thought.

You two spent the rest of the night, cuddling with each other as you finished the movie. “I never thought I’d say this, but I’m so glad that guy flaked on you,” Midoriya said, kissing you softly on the forehead. 

You chuckle, leaning on his shoulder. “I couldn’t agree more.”

[powderblueblood]

From your prompt list, for Eddie Munson, If it strikes anything in ya. 🖤🖤

" A woman falls in love with you and you think that's a curse?"

200 CIGARETTES SENTENCE PROMPTS! tripped and fell into hai verse sowwy!!!!!!!!!!!!!

eddie reacts in a way you think should be memorialized in history books, a full pantomime of his flailing hands, his rings catching the low light of the bar, his grimacing face with his tongue sticking out.

"blegh!" and, a lightning quick recovery to point at you directly in your face, "exactly. cursed."

you swirl your straw in your cranberry and whiskey which doesn't taste very much like either. you're helping drunk sam to prop up the bar at the hideout before the new year's rush starts; eddie had begged you to come keep him company, come keep him anchored because apparently shit gets weird here when the veil between this year and the next thins.

"you'll be a terrific anchor. all you have to do is sit there with that sour look on your face--exactly! that one!--and remind me that i'm not having a good time, no matter how many decrepit drunks tell me i am."

anyway, this is confusing. you knit your brow. "but why?"

"expectations!" eddie barks, fwipping a bar towel from his shoulder and grabbing a glass out of the drip tray to dry. "someone falls in love with me, right, and then i've got to like... keep them entertained. keep finding reasons to--..."

he trails off, mouth screwing up a little bit. hold on. hold on. there's something there. you try and reach for the thread before he tugs it out of your grasp. unraveling eddie munson's become an unlikely hobby as of late. he's like a ball of yarn someone let get tangled in a dump, so you keep finding all sorts of weird rocks and sticks and trash and ephemera every time you ask him a real question.

"hold on. what do you mean?"

"what do i mean what?"

"keep them entertained."

he sighs. really stepped in it now, because you're not a just drop it kinda girl, just like he's not a just drop it kinda guy. you two haven't read into that. might be worth cracking out the reading glasses, i don't know.

"i don't know!" eddie shrugs, "i'm-- you get someone to love you, and then you want them to keep doing it, right, so you need to like... it's a lot of pressure!"

"no. shut up," you wave your hand in his direction, "are you seriously trying to say that you think falling in love is a curse because you think you've got to perform a certain way to keep people interested? like no one--" you snort a little, tone going to the mocking zone, "--could ever love you for you?"

he puts his hands on his hips, partaking in your laughter a little too. but it's strained. "i don't need to take this from someone who hid a brain the size of a planetary moon behind a can of aquanet for the better part of her high school career so some haircuts would give her the eye, okay? you know aaaaall about performing."

eddie knows he has you nailed so you throw your straw at him. fucker.

"those come out of my paycheck, jackass."

"sorry for bankrupting you," you say, not done. "but eddie. c'mon."

"i'll come on anything you want me to."

"seriously."

"seriously, i will."

"no-- like, you can't possibly expect me to believe you think you're unlovable." you press your forearms into the bartop (ew, sticky) like level with me here.

eddie flings his bar towel around his neck, tugging at either end hard. "i'unno."

"unlikable, sure, you're the most irritating person i've ever met but--"

"--but i don't have the best track record for getting people to stick around." he lifts his shoulders, like it's nothing, like whatever. he's even smiling. pleading, in a way. drop it, for once.

no. anger bursts under your sternum like a tiny firework.

"so?"

eddie double takes, something like fear or frustration flashing in his dark eyes. they're only made darker by the shitty backlight of the bar. makes him look older, which makes you feel weirder. "so?"

"so none of that was on you." you say. like it's nothing. sipping your drink. "none of that was your fault."

eddie's eyes drop from yours. he stares at the sticky bartop.

"and you're never pretending. at least, i've never seen you pretend."

there is no act of anti-god, no dastardly intervention that will let you stop yourself from speaking. this is what you get for sitting around the hideout at six in the evening on new year's eve.

"you've always been horribly yourself to me and i still... can't stand you." a beat. because you're waiting for eddie to look back up under the glower of his brow. his mouth is kind of a snarl, kind of a smile. "so don't treat it like a curse when it isn't, asshole. don't jump ahead in the story."

don't jump ahead. he says it all the time, talking about dnd, talking about some dumb anecdote, talking about music. don't jump ahead in the story.

he looks at you like, you remembered, and pulls a bottle of no-name brand tequila and two shot glasses from behind him.

you shrug at him like, you're around, and have to get up and do a walking lap of the bar after that shot. disgusting!

[izzysillyhandsy]

Izzy's Gravy Basket

While discussing Izzy's looming end of season extravaganza (apparently Con's acting is so good we're all gonna lose our minds) on this poll, and maybe in connection with my episode 8 speculations here, @nicelimegreen put the thought of Izzy's own personal gravy basket in my mind - and I love it so much I have to write about it.

While Ed and Stede already let us see into their minds (and it was fascinating!), we haven't had anything like that from Izzy. And true to my firm belief that OMFD is a story about three central fuckups, an Izzy dream scene/hallucination would be absolutely perfect for the season finale to bring everything together.

Also, the unhinged enthusiasm of people who have seen all the episodes, specifically relating to Con's performance in episode 8, leads me to believe that there's something dramatic coming.

And why not Izzy's own purgatory?

I know, this makes it 3 death scenes in one season (plus 2 toe snips, an amputation and possibly torture?) which I would find a bit much even in hurt/no comfort fanfic, but it kinda is that kind of show, isn't it? (and I love it)

The fascinating question is, of course, what would Izzy's purgatory look like? (Please reblog and discuss, I'm going crazy with anticipation in general and about Izzy's conclusion specifically)

Let's look at our blueprint: Ed's gravy basket

Central conflict: self-hatred, fear of being a bad person, lack of self control, unloveable, no one cares if you live or die Location: beach, hut, cliffs Representation of self: Captain Hornigold, retired Pulling him out of it: Mermaid Stede <3 (I messed all of this up. I'll never leave you. You're safe.)

For Izzy, in my opinion, the central conflict is "What am I?" (from initially, "What am I to you?"). His arc this season is becoming a well-rounded person who can stand alone (first step: get a unicorn leg) and isn't (co-)dependent on his captain.

But that might not be all there is. Ed's death was directly connected to his conflict. I can't see how Izzy's death is caused by him becoming a more realized person.

Except... maybe this is a conflict between self-actualization and self-sacrifice. I've said it before, I sense a lot of guilt about something in his (and Ed's) past. Something about others paying the price for your ambitions (Letting someone die or driving them to suicide? Killing someone you love?).

Izzy spent a lifetime in the shadow of another man, propping him up (as best he could). Maybe there's a reason for this level of self-abandonment?

The location could be many places really - we know nothing of Izzy's past. It has to be quiet and introspective though, so I suggest a lake in some lonely place (Edward Teach born on a beach, Israel Hands born in the Midlands). Or a ship - because, at his core, Izzy is first and foremost a sailor.

Much more interesting is the person who'll be there with him. Keeping in line with our blueprint, it could be someone from Izzy's past.

For Ed, it was his feared captain who traumatized him deeply but also influenced large parts of his outwards persona, his conception of piracy and appropriate pirate behaviour. These are parts Ed hates about himself and that make him unhappy, and it ties in with his central conflict of course.

But for Izzy it could be the exact opposite. If it truly is a person from Izzy's past, it's very difficult to speculate who (that's why we need a scene like this - we know nothing about the fucker!).

I all comes down to how Izzy sees himself. Contrary to Ed, I don't think Izzy's conflict is self-hatred, so the person representing his self won't be someone Izzy hates.

I also don't see someone threatening - it is more likely someone in need of guidance, someone vulnerable and "weak". Maybe someone who wasn't strong and able enough to do their fucking job (and Izzy should have done it for him, then).

So who could that person be? It could be someone who was dependent on Izzy a long time ago, maybe someone he let down because he didn't protect/guide them properly. The person could be connected to the spade (traitor's?) tattoo or the ring on his cravat. It could also be a young Ed, who Izzy tried to take under his wing (for the record, I do firmly believe that Izzy taught Ed quite a few things, maybe not all he knows though).

He could also be alone 😢

I don't think Izzy wants to die like Ed did (he's doing quite well right now), but we've got 3 episodes left - who knows what'll happen. The guilt could play into it, or a feeling of this is how it was supposed to happen, I've paid my debts.

In any case, right at the end, someone will come and pull him out.

In spite of the crew being Izzy's love now, they've already saved him in Ep4. I think this time it should be Ed who comes for Izzy. I can also see Ed and Stede both being explicitly needed (Izzy has two hands).

I think there's a possibility Izzy won't drown though - maybe he'll burn in a wood/house/ship fire. A self-imposed fiery death in hell seems fitting with the guilt-theme somehow. But that's just me probably. Water works perfectly well too.

For the rescue, I am struggling to come up with something even half as perfect as a mermaid, I mean Ed and Stede can always ride in on a unicorn (bit of a double meaning there, but whatever), but that doesn't feel quite right - maybe Ed with a shark's tail? Someone else will have a brilliant idea I hope!

Going with Izzy's assumed conflict of self-actualization vs. self-sacrifice (and protection of others), the thing he needs to hear to bring him back would be something like "it wasn't your fault", "be happy" and "I/we want you in our lives but be your own person" (just a little more poetic maybe).

Conclusion: Izzy's purgatory will tell us something (harrowing I'm sure) about his past. Con's acting will be off the charts. We will want to thank him face-to-face (I've wanted to do that from the start, so...)

But Ed or Ed and Stede both will bring Izzy back - he'll thank them in his usual charming way and they'll live happily ever after <3.

Hope this wasn't too scrambled! Thoughts?

[neptoons1998]

Future & Past

Summary: Riri gets stuck in the past and she meets a younger verison of her mama.

Tag gang: @mal-urameshi @xblackreader @s0lam3y

Riri wasn’t sure how she did it but she thinks she traveled back in time. I am never trusting Dr. Strange again, the young scientist thought as groaned from the ground. She looked around to see the park she would go to with her mom alot as a child. Riri started fiddling with her beads to send a request to go back home. Let’s hope Shuri is super genius about this one Riri’s cruel humor is too consumed with getting back to her time. She heard sniffles like someone was trying desperately hard not to cry but it was a loosening battle. 

Riri couldn’t believe her eyes couldn’t help but stare at the pregnant woman, who was sitting on a bench, in front of her. Riri couldn’t help but be a little shell-shocked seeing a young adult version of her mother. She knew like most adults that Okoye had a life before Riri came into the picture. The young engineer couldn’t help to feel very off-putting seeing a younger version of Okoye. 

“A-are you alright?” Riri questioned her mama. No matter what timeline Riri will always love her mama. Okoye quickly brushed away tears from her face. Riri’s stomach twisted she had never seen her mama cry before. 

Frustrated, mad, and happy.

 Never sadness. 

Okoye gave a watery laugh, “No, but I’m sure Bast is having a good laugh.”

Certain things don’t change Riri thought as she had heard that expression too many times as a child. 

Riri twisted her fingers, “Do you want to talk about? I love jokes.”

Okoye looked at her, whether to see if she should trust her or not. Riri guessed her mama thought she didn’t have anything to lose to tell her woes to a complete  “stranger”.

“Well I finally told the man that got me into this condition, “ Okoye said Riri could see that she bit into her cheeks, “And he said he wanted no part of it. Which is so cruel to call her an it.”

Riri’s heart broke hearing this. Riri never knew who her father was. Anytime she wanted to know, her mother would have a sober look to her which made Riri’s curiosity die down. The young woman decided around the age of twelve that’s one discovery she was okay not knowing. 

“Oh, I’m sorry to hear that,” Riri said as she wrapped her small hand in her young mom’s hand. Okoye gave a soft smile, “What makes it such a cruel joke was that he wanted a huge family, but apparently I wasn’t supposed to be the one.”

The pair sat in silence before Okoye’s eyes let the tears cascade down her cheeks, “Am I that unloveable?”

Riri’s eyes widen twisting her body to look at Okoye’s, “No no you’re not.”

Riri had to stop herself from making a wormhole or not being born. Riri knew later down the line her mama would fall in love with Attuma. That shark man loves her mama more than anything.

“You just can’t rush it. P-plus that guy was a jerk anyway,” Riri commented, “I need you to believe one day just not today that there is a man who will love you. It would so much love that you won’t know what to do with it.”

Riri wiped some of Okoye’s tears from her face, “And there whole bunch of love you can have right now. Like with her.”

Riri pointed at the round belly of her mama. Riri tried not to think how trippy it was to know that she was in there. Being a whole fetus. 

“Really? She won’t hate me for not giving her a father?” Okoye questioned as she rubbed on her stomach. Riri nodded cause she did love her mama. 

“I’m sure she’ll understand,” Riri answered. Okoye smiled at the thought of her future daughter loving her just as much as she loved her. 

“Thank you, Priestess,” Okoye said before Riri could correct her on not being. Okoye left the bench to go bother Aneka and Ayo. 

With that Riri’s bracelet started to beep before she was sucked back to the right timeline. 

“Took you long enough,” Riri teased her girlfriend. Shuri rolled her eyes before coming closer to her. 

“Just never trust a doctor not from Wakanda, hm?” Shuri joked as she pressed a soft kiss on Riri. 

“Riri?” Okoye’s voice out making the pair break apart. Okoye with her hands on her hips. 

“Mama!” Riri rushed to her side giving the woman a surprised hug. Riri knew now that her mama was being loved, but just knowing for a time her mama thought she was unlovable still stung Riri. 

“Ah,” Okoye wrapped her arms around before stroking Riri’s hair, “What’s all this about?”

“I’ll tell you later on tonight,” Riri said as she continued to squash her cheeks on her mama’s chest. Okoye ‘hm’  at Riri’s request. 

Riri will always love her mama from the stars and back. 

[most-canon-non-canon-ship-poll]

I, the poll runner, made this poll because they suck that much

Why Mileven is shit - a submission-based essay, part 3/3

Mileven - a currently canon het ship from the Stranger Things fandom between Michael (Mike) Wheeler and Jane (Eleven) Ives/Hopper/Byers/IDK

This doesn't mean she will never have another relationship, it doesn't even mean she is "alone" while other people are in relationships (although personally I think there is nothing wrong with not being in a relationship tbh... some people need to unpack this). It just means that she reclaims the power to decide if and when she will give love to someone again, a choice she's never really had. As for Mike, I believe his low self-esteem and what makes him feel so different is his feelings for Will which have steadily stepped out of platonic more and more as time has gone on, and THAT is the truth that is hard to admit, not his apparent love for El that she has been begging for him to say. Mike and Will are written so perfectly as a romantic duo that it is wild to me that anyone would ship Mike with anyone else. Mike deserves more than to be a shitty friend and El's boyfriend (because if he really does just love El, then his actions are just him being mean and weird with no cause or explanation, which I can't imagine is the case), Will deserves more than to be the sad gay in unrequited love who only suffers, and El deserves more than to be some boy's "superhero" who is loved for what she can do more than for who she truly is. She deserves to shake the shackles of male control, and yes... Mike unfortunately falls into this due to his feeling responsible for El's wellbeing because of the unfortunate circumstances they met under. Plus he's, in my opinion, fallen even harden into this parentified role in Hopper's absence (those parallels are insane too, don't even get me started). Anyway, all that to say... Mileven is an objectively bad ship that doesn't fit with the story Stranger Things is telling. It doesn't serve any of the characters involved in a positive way, and Byler is a significantly more touching and well-built couple. Personally, even the argument that El will be "crushed if they break up" doesn't really carry any weight. It's clear that she has already hurt so much IN THE RELATIONSHIP, so ending it just seems like the logical next step (and I'm among the people who believe she wanted to break up at the pizza place tbh). Why should she stay with someone who can only love her in life-or-death situations? Why should Mike be with someone who makes him feel worthless or not enough or like his personal experiences and struggles aren't valid? Why should Mike and El settle for a relationship that takes so much work but makes them both ultimately unhappy (it's giving Karen a d Ted). Why should Will just accept that in a world of demogorgans and alternate dimensions and telekinetic lab children, the craziest and most unlikely thing is a queer boy like him finding requited love with the person who makes them feel better for being different and encourages them to fight on? I just don't think the writers are telling that kind of story. I love El, Mike, and Will... I hope they will get a beautiful ending. To me, a beautiful ending would include Mike and El mutually caring for each other enough to admit that their relationship is not good for either of them as El deserves to be loved and needs time to heal, and Mike deserves to embrace his truth and his own feelings without feeling insignificant or unlovable (and ultimately be rewarded for embodying one of the show's core themes: that forced conformity is bad, you will never feel gratification or happiness by pretending to be something or someone you're not, it's okay to be a "freak" and it's okay to be different and to rebel against the limited, restrictive forms of "happiness" society pushes. After all, forced conformity is one of the real villains in this show, as clearly stated!)

[steddiecameraroll]

I'm Thinking of the Way it Was - ch 6

Excerpt from chapter 6 of my getting back together fic

“Have you ever slammed head first into a point so hard you give yourself brain damage?” Eddie bounces his leg quickly.

“Did something happen?” Dr. Whilstaf inspects him from her chair.

“You could say that. I did the journaling thing. It fucking sucked, by the way. Apparently, I’m not good enough. I didn’t…I mean, I did, I knew that, but…” his eyes dart back and forth while he tries to put his thoughts together. “I didn’t know that’s how I felt, all the time, constantly. And now that I do know it, I can’t stop thinking about it. This fucking light bulb moment happened when I was at Steve’s, too, by the way.” He pauses and leans back in his seat, sighing and closing his eyes. “I’ve been trying…I don’t know if it’s making things worse, and now I feel…fuck.”

“What happened that triggered this at Steve’s?”

“His washing machine broke, and he called me to help, which alone was a miracle. Steve doesn’t ask for help, so I jumped at the opportunity. I went by last night to replace the hose, and…something perfect happened, and then it fell apart, like usual. We made dinner together and had wine, which is fucking fancy shit. It felt really nice.

“We kinda skipped dating or like the traditional version of it before, and it kinda felt like a date happened naturally, and he kept smiling at me like he was surprised I was still there. Then he kissed me. It felt really nice. But then he tried to take my belt off, and I stopped him. And that’s the thing. I told him I wanted to win him back by proving I loved him, not his body because he’s…I don’t know, but we had sex a couple of times weeks ago, and it was terrible.” He whispers the last word.

“Why is that?”

“Because it was so good,” he chuckles. “But it was hate fucking, and that is not how we feel about each other, or at least it’s not how I feel. It felt like he didn’t care, though. He just wanted to fuck, like he wanted to hurt himself, physically, emotionally, just in every way he wanted to cut himself open and bleed everywhere, but with sex and apparently my dick.” He shifts in the chair uncomfortably.

“Besides realizing I’m not good enough, I realized I am only good enough to have sex with. I got a damn booty call text yesterday morning and a fucking unsolicited dick pic to go along with it. The shitty fucking shitty part about it is that I seriously considered it. Like, what the fuck is wrong with me?” His emotions are straining through tears. “So I tell Steve we can’t have sex because he’s using it to hurt himself and me, and we need to go backward. I wanted to start over. I wanted to prove to him that I wasn’t going to do that to him, that I loved him regardless of the sex, but he couldn’t…he told me that every time I say no to him, it makes him feel unwanted. I want him so badly, though, but I want all of him, but it’s like he can’t believe me or hear me unless we have sex, and I don’t…I don’t know what to do or how to get him to understand. And now that I feel so fucking used and unloved by everyone, it hurts even more because he just wants my dick, like everyone else. It sucks.”

“It sounds like Steve is struggling to accept your love. Have you noticed him doing this with anyone else?” Dr. Whilstaf flicks her pen back and forth in her hand.

Eddie rubs his fingers across his forehead, thinking about her question. “Um…yeah? As I said, he doesn’t ask for help, and I know all of us would help him if he asked. He takes care of everyone, the kids joke, and he jokes that he’s just their babysitter, but it’s not like that at all. He loves them, cares about them, and puts his life in danger to protect them, and they would do that for him too. They love him too, but they’re so mean sometimes. They’re fucking kids, sure they saved the world, but they’re children. So they don’t know that making fun of him and calling him dumb hurts. It just adds to his own insecurities.

“He has a fucked up relationship with his parents. They’re assholes; they left him alone a lot as a kid, even now still. They were here a little last week but are already gone again. His dad did a number on his confidence. Has said he’s not good enough for the Harrington name. But Steve is this incredible human being that is more than enough; I just want him to know that.”

“You’d mentioned last week that you thought he was attractive and that everyone that’s met him also finds him attractive. Does he get a lot of attention for his appearance?” 

“Yeah, his one of many nicknames in school was The Hair. It’s gorgeous hair. He has this jawline that I just want to bite sometimes.” Eddie smirks while reminiscing.

“I’m not saying that this is what is happening, but there is often a correlation with individuals who have been emotionally neglected in their childhood to seek authentication and approval in other ways from everyone around them as adults. So if this individual gets positive reinforcement from their physical body, it would make sense that they may internalize their body’s attention as positive feelings, love, and care. So it’s possible this disconnect that you’re feeling is because you’re not providing the same type of affection that he’s grown accustomed to, and it’s confusing him.

“This is not to say that I think you should sleep with him to make him feel better, but it may warrant an open and honest dialogue between you, especially if you are now experiencing negative emotional feelings towards sexual intimacy. Where it sounds like you do not want to do that because it may trigger your feelings of inadequacy, not having that sexual intimacy for Steve may trigger his feelings. So you’re both struggling but in opposing directions.”

“Shit, doc.” Eddie sits still while his mind scans over the argument with Steve. “He did say it felt like I didn’t want to be with him, which I couldn’t understand because it’s pretty obvious I want to be with him. Shit…” Eddie suddenly remembers how he’d broken up with Steve right after sex. “Oh my god. I’m such an idiot.” He covers his face with his hands.

Dr. Whilstaf sits patiently, waiting for Eddie to continue.

“When I broke up with him, back before, we had just…honestly, we had just made love. It was not the usual sex we’d been having. It was - intense. I thought my heart would explode, and I was terrified of all of it. No one’s made me feel like that before, and I don’t get to keep the things I love, so I cut it off before it got worse.” Eddie raises his eyes up to meet the doctor’s. “I rejected his love. I didn’t know. Shit.”

continue reading on ao3

Excerpts: ch 1 ch 2 ch 3 ch 4 ch 5 ch 6 ch 7

[burning-sol]

Tho can I say, some people who don't like Stolitz at all will claim everyone else lacks media comprehension while taking things out of context, misinterpreting scenes, and blatantly missing evidence.

"Blitz HAS to fuck Stolas in order to get the book, he wouldn't be doing it otherwise. He shows no interest in Stolas otherwise." EPISODE 5 IT'S ADDRESSED IN EPISODE 5 ARE YOU KIDDING ME. THERE'S AN ENTIRE EPISODE ABOUT IT.

A huge piece of their dynamic is addressed in THIS episode through the presence of Striker and the festival. Striker first points out how bold and strong willed Blitz is by the existence of his business, we get a montage of Blitz and Striker competing and then WINNING the festival. Meanwhile, Stolas continues to apparently annoy Blitz the entire time, making it clear how much Stolas drags Blitz down. Striker is ready to snipe Stolas - which would have probably most DEFINITELY have killed him - but then Blitz and Moxxie intervene.

The ENTIRE POINT MADE is that Blitz doesn't have to be with Stolas, he can let Striker kill him right then and there and take the book for himself, no more Stolas necessary. But Blitz, despite his clear it is that Stolas is imperfect, that Blitz is strong enough to uphold his business without Stolas, Blitz STILL chooses to protect Stolas and keep their deal going.

I DON'T KNOW HOW MUCH CLEARER IT NEEDS TO BE...

Oh, and yeah, this extends to episode 7 as people miss the crucial part of the episode where STOLAS REJECTED HIM. Did you forget the ENTIRE SONG that questions if Stolas and Blitz love each other, or whether they're just fucking with no feelings attached, and wherein Stolas DOESN'T claim them as being anything more. Stolas puts up the menu in front of his face in SHAME, and there is a shot of BLITZO'S REACTION.

Not to mention that Blitzo ALSO gets dragged by his ex in that song, and is made to feel like he's completely unlovable. (remember how THAT was important to episode 6???) So yeah, having that thought being AFFIRMED by Stolas is going to lead to Blitz rejecting Stolas, because HE rejected him first!!

Also, Blitz goes home and you can see all the photos he has of the ones he cares about, INCLUDING STOLAS, AFTER THEY FUCKED NO LESS. Blitz didn't even DELETE the photo, he scrolls right past it.

People also making comments about how if Blitzo is bring portrayed as a "tsundere", he needs to show more reciprocation towards Stolas. Which. NO. First off, he's not a "tsundere" he's an imp which ATTACHMENT ISSUES, what the fuck are you talking about. Again, episode 7, Verosika sings about their sex life "but when it came to my turn, there was no reciprocation". Blitz has issues reciprocating any form of romantic affection, because he thinks no one loves him. Like I'm sorry you think Blitz was meant to be a "tsundere" instead of being written as a semi-realistic portrayal of what it's like to struggle with attachment issues (which, people in real life are NOT tsunderes nor do they always express their love for others in notable ways despite how the opposite may be true).

Someone said Stolas was "pinching" Blitz' cheek in episode 6 which is.. How do you MIS-SEE Stolas is HOLDING Blitz' face to see if he's HURT, a common expression of AFFECTION....

I stg these people will forget entire episodes to dunk on the problematic ship REPRESENT MY TOXIC SHIP CORRECTLY!!!!

[alloftheimaginesblog]

Worth More {Obi-Wan Kenobi}

Plot: You're insecure about your weight and body and it's Obi-Wan who steps into reassure you.

Character: Obi-Wan Kenobi x Plus Size Reader

Requested by @agent-catfish-kenobi

Your hands furiously tug at the clothes desperately trying to stretch it out to make it a little bit looser. Frustration bubbles up inside you as you release the fabric and stare at your reflection in the mirror. With an audible groan, you throw your hands up. You've managed to stretch the top but unsuccessfully, it's still clinging too much around your stomach and your sides. You want them better hidden, you want those 'unappealing' lumps and bumps to be smoothed out but your clothes apparently didn't get the memo. You're fat, it's not a secret everyone can see it but you just don't want to showcase those parts of you; you don't want to give people a reason to stare or ridicule you.

Tears burn at your eyes and you so desperately want to dissolve into tears for the more you stare at yourself in the mirror, the more flaws you notice. Your hands begin to grab and touch at your face, squishing your double chin between your fingers, then your cheeks, then your arms-

"Is everything alright?"

You were so busy you didn't even hear him come into the room. It's Obi-Wan, your doting partner, who now stands in the doorway wearing a concerned frown, "I came to check on you as we need to leave soon." Part of you knows that you're being silly, that really you look fine but the insecurities stamp that part out and before you know it you're sobbing.

Obi-Wan moves to you quickly, bundling you up in his arms, whispering words of comfort to you. He doesn't know what's wrong yet but he'll let you calm down before he asks you. It takes a minute for you to calm down, "I'm not going," you grumble into his chest, "Go without me."

He pulls you to an arm's length away, "Tell me what's wrong, love."

Your hands fidget as your words fumble. You almost feel stupid telling him why you're so upset, you don't know why you feel ashamed but the shame burns strongly in your stomach, boiling upwards to the point you can feel it rising in your throat.

"I-I wanted to wear this," you gesture to the outfit you're wearing, "but it looks hideous on me."

"Come now, love," he soothes, his hand juts out to rub your arm and you instinctively pull away, "(y/n)?"

"I just- I hate the way I look." The shame burns so strongly that you cannot bear to look at him in the eyes, instead you stare at your fidgeting hands, "I hate my body."

He releases a soft breath, "Oh, love, come here." Once more, he's pulling you into your arms, "If you feel comfortable, would you mind telling me what you do not like?"

"Everything," you laugh bitterly, "I hate my stomach and the way it sticks out. I hate my waist and the rolls on my sides. I hate my arms, they make me look even bigger. My face- My face is just all fat and-"

He cuts you off, "Why do you worry about such matters?" He's doing what Obi-Wan does best; he's assessing the situation, learning as much as he can before he can accurately help. He needs to know what you're feeling and why you're feeling it before he can comfort you properly.

It takes a lot of mental strength for you to be able to tell him, "I worry about what people might think of me if they see my stomach or my thighs. I-I know I'm not thin and slender, everyone knows, but I worry about what they could potentially do or say if they saw me like that. Even though my body is covered, it wouldn't be hidden." You pull away from him, "I worry that maybe you would think me unlovable or ugly-"

He's not usually one to interrupt, usually he hangs onto your every word but he needs to cut you off, "No." His voice is strong as he pulls you back again to place a gentle hand on your cheek, "Your body is beautiful as are you. Despite that, your beauty is not based upon what you look like on the outside; what's on the inside counts too." You need more so he continues, "You are not worth any less just because you have a stomach and wobbly thighs. You are worth so much, (y/n), and I mean that with absolutely every ounce of myself."

"But I feel so hideous-"

"I know that's how you feel right now, love, but I assure you that's your insecurities taking over; that's the worries taking over the sane part of your brain," you manage a small smile, "I promise you that no one will judge you or say anything about your stomach and if they do then they'll meet my wrath. I will never let anyone treat you any different because of how you look."

"You promise?"

"I swear to you, (y/n). You are worth so much more than what you think you are. You are kind, caring; you are so selfless, you do so much for other people and expect nothing in return... The goodness pours out of you. You have the most gorgeous eyes, pretty smile, beautiful stomach, delightful arms, splendid thighs, stunning sides; you are beautiful and I will spend every single day of our lives telling you this until you believe it." He presses a kiss to your hand, so gentle and sweet, "You are my everything. Your weight does not define your worth or your beauty. I assure you that you look perfect in that outfit and I would love to see you wear it however I know that you might still have those worries even despite what I say so if you wish to change outfit, I will support you either way."

You have tears in your eyes but not because you're sad but because of how sweet Obi's words were. You throw your arms around him, "Oh, Obi." You weren't sure if you'd wear the outfit tonight, you didn't know if you were quite ready yet but Obi's words took such pressure off of your mind, clearing up lots of space as he banished those worries.

"I hate that your worries plague you so," he whispers into the crook of your neck, "I promise that I will do more to make you realise how perfect you are."

"You're doing it," you say, voice muffled by the fabric of his robes, "you're doing more than enough right now. Thank you, Obi."

[1trilliongrams]

Wil Wheaton’s response when @avinlander asked him about how to proceed when something you love is created by someone who turns out to be problematic:

I have been precisely where you are, right now. In fact, we were just talking about this a few days ago, as it relates to a guy who wrote a ton of music that was PROFOUND to me when I was a teenager. He wrote about being lonely and feeling unloved, and all the things I was feeling as a teenager.

He grew up to be a reprehensible bigot, and for years I couldn't listen to one of the most important bands in my life anymore.

But this week, someone pointed out that he was one member of a group that all worked together to make that thing that was so important to me. And the person he was when he wrote those lyrics is not the person he is today. And the person I was when I heard those lyrics doesn't deserve to be shoved into a box and put away, because that guy is a shit.

This is a long way of saying that Joss sure turned out to be garbage. Because of who my friends are, I know stuff that isn't in the public, and it's pretty horrible. He's just not a good person, and apparently never was a good person.

BUT! Buffy is more than him. It's all the actors and crew who made it. It's all the writers who aren't Joss. Joss is part of it, sure, and some of the episodes he wrote are terrific.

At least one of the episodes he wrote was deeply meaningful to you at a moment in your life when you'd experienced a loss I can only imagine. The person you are now, and the 16 year-old you were who just lost their dad, are more important than the piece of shit Joss Whedon revealed himself to be.

His bad behavior is on him. He has to live with it, and the consequences of it.

16-year-old you, who just lost their dad, shouldn't have to think about what a shit Joss Whedon is for even a second. That kid, and you, deserve to have that place to revisit when you need to go there.

I can't speak for the other actors, even the ones I know. But I will tell you, as an abuse survivor myself who never wanted to be in front of the camera when he was a kid: it's really okay for you to enjoy the work. The work is good and meaningful, and if nobody is going to watch it because of what one piece of shit did two decades ago, what was it all for?

I'm not the pope of chilitown, so take this for what it's worth: I believe that when some piece of art is deeply meaningful to a person, for whatever reason, that art doesn't belong to the person who created it, if it ever did. It belongs to the person who found something meaningful in the art.

If it feels right to you to put it away and never look at it again, that's totally valid. But if it brings you comfort, or joy, or healing, or just warm familiarity to bring it out and spend some time with it, that's totally valid, too.

I've written a lot of words. I hope some of them make sense and are helpful to you.

[ina-nis]

I'm angry. Still in pain but, thankfully, things went back to normal with that friend because we treated that like two mature adults and moved on.

My brain is fixated on the "rejection" bit of all that ordeal, because of course it is. Obsessing over rejection and feeling this massive hurt caused by abandonment is kind of my thing, isn't it?

Lately, I have had so many people come forward to me and tell me how much they love me platonically it makes me want to scream.

Don't get me wrong, I truly and dearly appreciate their love - to me, having that means they care about me, it feels akin to familial love, which I'm also thankful for and is something I also seek.

It's just not what I need at the moment.

It's infuriating to me seeing that romantic love is this almost "mythical" phenomenon that, apparently, so few have access to?

I'd almost rather people don't love me at all!

The type of love they can give, and the type of love I need are completely different things.

I don't think it's fair...! And I also understand they don't owe me anything! This is why I respect them and also respect myself: these relationships will not work for me, therefore they will remain superficial. I cannot deepen these connection because my natural course is for platonic feelings to transform into romantic ones, the closer the connection becomes.

It makes sense because romantic love is what I need. And I don't have it. Only from myself towards others.

Platonic love is what I always have at hand.

This deep and painful loneliness cannot be satiated with platonic love - on the contrary, it wounds me! It angers me too, even though I don't want to feel this way.

It hurts me so deeply, so horribly.

Those feelings of worthlessness and unlovability keep on creeping up and I need to keep on telling myself: "this is not it, the problem is not me, I'm lovable and worthy as I am right now."

I have to keep on telling myself that being relegated to a different role, being the object of a different kind of love is not about me, either. And, like I said, I'm thankful I'm loved at all! But because of how painful it feels, I would really prefer nothing, over something like this though.

When I read a little about it, when I read about heartbreak and moving on, it's always spot on. The way rejection can be seen, I mean: you're not a good fit or compatible for each other so it truly is better to not push it, being rejected open doors to new opportunities and new love, maybe there's a lesson to be learned.

I understand this much, at least. Most love I'll find out there will be, indeed, platonic. Most of what I experience regarding dating will be rejections anyway, I'm well aware of all these things.

Maybe this is wrong to think about, maybe this is not a good way to look into these things but I see "romantic love" as something rare and special: it will be hard to find someone, I'll have to go through a lot, a lot of heartbreak until I find someone who will be a good fit for me.

I also need to take into account my own sensibilities, trauma, and how having a disorder that is based entirely on rejection/abandonment plays a part in making already very difficult things even harder.

There's no feasible way I'll ever be able to date "normally."

Because there's no feasible way for me to remove myself from all my issues! They come with me everywhere I go, they are part of me and make me who I am, too, whether I like it or not.

So... I can try to change who I am and try to change how I act, and try to do the right things disregarding disability and what I want; or I can work on improving my life while still being myself, striving to keep a compassionate and gentle mind towards myself and my limitations, respecting what I want to do or not.

I can't make people like me or see me how I see them. What I can do is to improve the parts of myself that bother me, work on my issues and enjoy all the little and big aspects of myself that I love and all the things I think make me lovable and wonderful.

I am wonderful, and special. I don't really care if this turns people off or if they think I'm self-centered with a massive ego - that's a "you" problem, other people's insecurities and lack of self-confidence has nothing to do with me.

I deserve a relationship, I deserve a romantic connection worthy of all this, something that will only make me grow and heal more. I don't need any more things to hurt me or hold me back. That's enough.

Most connection, most relationships, most people - from what I've seen - are not it.

As much as rejection pains me, as much as abandonment weights me down so terribly. The alternative is dysfunctional connections that will wear me down and make me sicker, the alternative is jumping from connection to connection because of how good it makes me feel when things are going well, but nothing really long-lasting... I've had enough of this bullshit for a lifetime.

I really do deserve so much better than what I'm getting.

[andiwriteordie]

best me's, bleed // bravest soldier, frontlines, you're losing me - god its like. el's the only one trying to keep the relationship intact even if its w lying / pretending to be smth she isn't / fighting as hard as she can bc mike only apparently notices her then.

loss and indecision, pain // imposition, down the hallway, till it's gone - the fight abt mike not saying that he loves her, its teeming with the loss of something she thought she had unconditionally and mike's indecision. mike runs after her while she's being taken away in the police car, and he didn't know what he had till it was gone.

throw out // keep it, tired // phoenix, rising from the ashes, mending all her gashes, dealt the final blow - she's worked so hard to build this relationship (again, even if through lying) and she's used to bouncing back, and love turning out to be conditional or not for all parts of her, but she didn't think it'd be from mike, who took care of her, who was her first friend. that might've been her final blow.

love // dying, signals - her old self, the one who needed mike to be there and would need him to save her is dying, and mike can't tell that, he still views her as the scared little girl who ran away from the lab, who hasn't learnt anything abt the world and how it works or how to keep a friend. she keeps showing him that she does. she's dealing with the death of her dad and bullying and trying to be normal so desperately, and the loss of her powers, which were a constant to her, so she knows about the 'real world' but mike refuses to see her as she is.

don't understand // i know you don't, cure would come // i fear it won't - mike doesnt understand how she wants to be loved, and its not the same way that the little girl wanted to be loved, and since he's still in that mindset, he won't ever learn to love her the way she needs unless he is cured of his incorrect thinking abt her and what she wants from life and love, and el thought it might happen eventually (you can see in the airport scene that she had hope, but it was extinguished after 'from mike' on the card w the flowers) but now el thinks it might not, and she has to live with that.

~

ANYWAY hi andi this long ass ask is for u !! i Meant it when i said i was insane abt el - you're losing me btw. 😭💗 love u

SARA I'M SHAKING YOU SO VIOLENTLY

tagging abby in this as well @strangeswift bc if i have to suffer through reading this (i mean that in a good way i promise) so does she

no but literally you hit the nail on the head. this is one of taylor's saddest songs imo, and it really does just sum up el's feelings towards mike and how unloved their relationship makes her feel! god i'm so so upset over this, but it's sooo good 😭😭😭

[tiredstressedemotionalmess]

hi hi hi hi hi tell me more about the interpersonal relationships in the fic if you want!! any way they differ from your typical versions? would you like to tell me about funpoison <- almost in tears

oh hohohoh. funpoison you say 👀 i may or may not have some funpoison thoughts for this au,,,,

so before the main events of the fic party and ghoul had been running together for a WHILE. they met while trying to raid the same warehouse and while they fought each other over supplies there was this instant fucking spark and the fight began to grow less hostile and eventually they were like "okay fine we can share the supplies i guess" and somehow that evolves into them running together which evolves into them like officially dating. except party's puss in boots in this au and ghoul's kitty softpaws and theyre both fucking Idiots no matter what universe they're in so Conflict Ensues

basically they're out by the campfire one night and ghoul decides to take a chance and let himself be really vulnerable for once and it tells poison it loves them. and poison short circus a little bit bc as big as their ego is deep down they dont actually think they're all that great and ghoul deserves better and poison's not usually one to stick around longer than they need to and the prospect of someone thinking they love them freaks them the fuck out-

and then dracs show up and ruin the moment!! and in there's just too many to fight so poison and ghoul just have to run but in the chaos they get separate but its okay bc theyre smart and they planned for this and they have a rendezvous point all set and ready so they go off separately both knowing where they're gonna meet up when the dust settles. but yk how in the last wish, the whole thing is that puss leaves kitty at the altar? yeahhh, in this maybe its a little worse because poison decides they're not gonna go to the rendezvous point. they go to the opposite fucking side of the zones because they cant let ghoul love them and ghoul is fucking heartbroken and it thinks theyre dead for the longest time- and then its heart breaks further when he finds out they're alive and just avoiding him because apparently he's just as unlovable as he always thought he was! :D and so that leads into their rocky relationship in the main fic, ghoul fucking hates party and part feels horrible being faced with ghoul again and its all very Them to me bc in my brain those two can NEVER fucking figure their shit out without suffering through at least one long lasting emotional roller coaster of heartbreaking interpersonal drama

sorry this whole thing kinda turned into just funpoison thoughts but i have a feeling you wont really mind that lmao id talk more abt the other character's relationships with each other but this has gotten Long and it is now midnight and im Tired so ill save that post for tomorrow ig!

[wittybibliophile]

DREAMLAND BILLIONAIRE SERIES - LAUREN ASHER

Book Two: TERMS & CONDITIONS 👠💍👞💼

"@ To anyone fighting an invisible battle, i see you!!"

#Characters

* DECLAN (36yr old): The eldest of the three Kane brothers, Mr. Not-So-Ready-For-Commitments. A person who thinks he's unlovable (as told to him by his father), works too much literally too much. He doesn't want to lose his best ever assistant iris but marrying her was not in his to-do list (at least not in reality), well until she did tell everyone she's his secret fiancée. He likes her as an assistant and as a woman (which he totally denies all the time). Like every book husband ( referring to marriage of convenience or haters to lovers troop) he starts to understand that he likes iris, and all the emotions that he had trapped after his mom passed away, are coming back in full surge... He is a very caring, understanding, a little too much workaholic husband to iris ( i meant fake-husband guys). It took one woman which is of course Iris to disturb his work riddled mind ( he hadn't thought about a woman in fourteen years since he started working without rest). He is also very jealous or rather possessive kind. i mean is it not too CUTE to see a strong- headed man to just swoon over for one woman only. To remember each small information or detail which relates to her. For a man like Declan to be afraid to tell himself that he cares, loves and is scared for someone other than just his work and company or himself.

Declan is a man who can describe sentences or i would rather say his emotion in one word. He is so precious. I did not like the selfish business self of him in the middle or the end of the book but it is expected from a person who doesn't have any goal in life other than take care of his company, its profits and his brothers (just from difficult situations). He is my favorite when he shows his venerability only to iris, when he does not think that showing her how he feels not only about her but every other thing in the world or about himself is not a sign of weakness but strength. How when he realizes he loves her, he doesn't shy away from that feeling but rather tries to win over his wife. Too sweet. I love how he knows about iris's difficulties and have always been caring for her without knowing it himself. Always been helping her overcome everything she needs to, to become a strong and independent woman, even if she does not get to know till the end section of the book.

There was just one part where i thought that maybe i would have left him if i was to be put into iris's shoes, when he used her insecurities against her in a bout of anger and stress. Blaming her was one thing but to say something so offensive, poking the sensitive topics, was something which i didn't like at all. I do not think so i could forgive a person who can hurt me deliberately at my face by using something I'm too sensitive about. Or make fun of it, just because you are angry and do not have the ability to think so the first thing you do is attack personally (maybe i would give a second chance to that person but after a lot of time). Maybe i am not at that place right now, but if i could be iris and love a person so much and it was someone like Declan i might forgive for real... ( i haven't been in love irl).

Overall i loved his character, it was just amazing reading from his prospective. i always love a good book with tells the story from both sides.

*IRIS (24yr old) : Personal assistant to Declan and is herself Ms. NOT-SO-READY-FOR-COMMITMENTS. Goal-oriented woman, who didn't think she would be Mrs. Kane and bear his kids any day, and not when she definitely had a 5year plan to make a family. She does not understand why she cares too much for Declan, apparently just enough to actually marry him for his benefit and also bare him a child like for real.

Iris is afraid of commitments, she is a person who leaves or bow out of a relation before it gets too real for her, too emotional, attached or too open. It all comes down from her parents relation, which was not a smooth one, it was abusive, and they had to leave or can i say "run" to protect themselves and their future. For iris " love marriage means to lose more than she is willing to part with".

We also see iris struggling with words since she was a child , and of course as always being bullied for it by her father, friends, schoolmates and so on. Because apparently people can not shut up or mind their own business like ever, so for her to overcome that barrier or at least work on it and outshine everyone has always been her one and only goal. She is a strong woman who does not let her disorder define her.

I particularly loved her and Callahan's friendship in the book, how these two bestfriends stood for each other every time, anywhere. From feelings and heartbreaks, to littlest things like chatting or gossiping. It came with a downside that we see iris having no friends other than Cal because she is always working extra hours and on holidays even to complete assignments. ( that is what you get for being personal assistant to a very busy boss, who thinks of work even in his dreams maybe). She is a selfless woman for Declan, loving and kind, just right for him and him alone, but too good for anyone else.

Overall, i loved loved loved this book. i would definitely would want everyone to read it, ( if you haven't read already and also maybe if after reading almost everything happening in the book) sorry for some solid spoilers people but i assure you, who ever would want to read this book that little details i missed will be worth reading. One of the reasons that i think we should make Declan our one of the favorite book husband is because that it is very difficult to get a man like Declan in real life and also it is almost impossible to be someone like iris.. ( although i feel it is too much to actually marry someone and bear them children for their own benefit in today's time like in real life). But nonetheless it was a fantastic one of the three. Of course you can make it out from the way i have written about Declan and iris (and Zahra and rowan from book one. Vast difference, I think I have something for troubled billionaires just like iris and also for this particular troop of marriage of convenience)

Well, i am reading the third and last book of the Dreamland billionaire trilogy and hopefully will write soon... Keep smiling!!

Xoxo,

Ironically Witty!

[sepublic]

Snaggleteeth and TOH (S3?)

            So our gracious friend @tortol was able to provide us with information on Dana Terrace’s other greenlit pilot (for Cartoon Network) Snaggleteeth, which she ultimately passed on in favor of The Owl House. As the mastermind behind both, you can definitely see Dana’s touch and influence upon either show, so I’d like to discuss a bit the similarities and parallels on a meta level.

         Firstly, I think Jesse Porter and King invoke some similarities; Furry little dude wants power and is a tyrant, is scheming to get to the top, but then realizes via his new friend, a fish out of water, that he no longer cares about that. Then we have Sharkboy as someone arriving in a new place; He’s an awkward kid, a social misfit, but finds a new friend. It reminds me of Luz going from Gravesfield to Bonesborough; As does the apparent disconnect between two settings, Pawchester and Riverfield.

         A major arc seems to be Sharkboy being used for his potential/worth, only to realize that just as Jesse begins to value and appreciate him as an actual friend first and foremost. We know it leads to a “point of contention”, but I have to wonder if part of that storyline would’ve involved Sharkboy internalizing that he’s only useful for these particular set of qualities, and leaning into that; Leading to him refusing to be himself anymore, not wanting to open up and be vulnerable around Jesse just as Jesse is actually doing so, etc. Perhaps Sharkboy has a bitter acceptance; Half-resentful towards Jesse, but also not quite blaming him for thinking this is all Sharkboy is good for, because by now he agrees, given his loneliness seems to have reinforced the idea of Sharkboy being unlovable.

         …To get morbid, I have to wonder if this applies to Luz. We already see in Season 2 especially how Luz seems to internalize and insist on having to be useful to her friends, not wanting to be a burden; How her mother Camila was busy and that likely influenced this feeling of herself as dragging others down, needing to be accommodating, as did being sent to the Reality Check camp. So I have to wonder if Sharkboy’s dark development is narratively reborn in Luz’s arc, of becoming more cynical and disillusioned.

         In Luz’s case, the issue was always there, just not as obviously; But now, we see how resentful Luz looks in Dana’s art post-King’s Tide. I get the sense that Luz is starting to actively dislike and blame herself, see herself as only good for what she can provide, and thus lamen when she fails; And this might lead to her forgetting that her friends DO care about her… It could lead to an interesting dilemma, in which a self-loathing person believes their friends don’t care about them that much; And amidst having to discover self-love, confront that they’re unknowingly being rather cruel to their friends in assuming that type of meanness from them.

         We’ve seen it in Reaching Out and other episodes, how trying to compartmentalize doesn’t just hurt Luz, but even her own friends, rendering the effort useless and contradictory. I speculate that all of this is basically the original core concepts of Sharkboy’s arc, just expanded upon and dramatized in the setting of a seemingly greater conflict…

         Yet by the end of the day, it’s about a social misfit learning to love themselves, and realize they have friends who DO care, after discovering and valuing them, but also believing they have to prove a point to said friends. It’s a coming-of-age story about loneliness and how friends are necessary to get through; It’s a recurring thread between TOH and Snaggleteeth.

         On another note, we also have some woods of which are considered haunted by the local community, because of a previous version of the town that was destroyed by a natural disaster there… I wonder if this connects to Gravesfield and the fire that burned down its historical building in the past; We see emphasis on Gravesfield’s titular graves in the Season 3 poster. Will we have our cast explore the town’s history, and some more abandoned ruins ravaged by this fire, with the shack in the woods being one of said ruins?

         Additionally, we have Ron Porter, Jesse’s father, a conspiracy theorist who ropes naïve Sharkboy into his antics, and can’t differentiate reality from fiction. Sharkboy’s aspirations to be a writer echo Luz’s and her love of media; And we know one of her core arcs is learning to differentiate reality from fantasy, it was why she was sent to the Reality Camp to begin with! So Ron Porter seems to carry on that same idea, that idea of a ‘Dark Parallel’ who never learned… Weirdly enough, I guess one could compare him to Belos, who never grew past his childhood games of witch hunting, unlike Luz. Ron Porter also gives me Jacob Hopkins vibes, being a seemingly friendly, likeminded individual, only to rope the protagonist into an utter mess as we realize how nuts and dangerous he truly is.

         Jesse also shares a last name with Gus, which of course reminds me of Gus using Luz’s human nature at school to prove a point, only to endanger her; And thus realizing what he actually values, and relinquishing the HAS as proof. We know Perry’s played an influential role in Gus’ showmanship and value of news reporting, which makes me wonder if Ron’s fame affected Jesse’s desire for popularity, as well as making a comeback to avoid ending up like his dad as a has-been. Makes me wonder if we would’ve gotten a similar arc with Perry had the show not been shortened, but then again, he seems a fairly well-adjusted individual, so maybe not.

         Violet is obviously representative of that love of witchcraft and creepy weird girls; She reminds me a lot of Vee’s tarot-reading friend, actually! More on that later… Jesse’s crush on her, amidst learning to be a better person; It also reminds me of similar redemption and healing arcs in Amity, Lilith, and Hunter. With Amity especially, the awkwardness of this popular bully gunning for the weird kid obsessed with magic, I wonder if Lumity was partially inspired by this? Admittedly we don’t know if TOH or Snaggleteeth were devised first, they could’ve influenced each other, and/or both been inspired by the mutual source of Dana and what she likes to see in fiction. I know the feeling.

         Furthermore, Jesse’s surprising interest reminds me of Amity’s crush on Luz and love for The Good Witch Azura, as well as Hunter’s interest in wild magic… And tbh, I can kinda see Boscha here as well; The surprise of this stereotypical popular kid having an interest not conventional to their trope. Like how Boscha is this apparent mean girl archetype, but then we see her fame comes from being THE Jock of the school, itself a more masculine and unexpected connotation. Dana did mention Snaggleteeth also ‘shattering expectations’ like TOH, so this makes sense; People being a bit more than their trope, actually.

         We have Uncle Pete, who actually gives me Eda vibes; We’ve all called Eda a Wine Aunt, and there’s that joke of both being criminals with a lot of wisdom to our protagonists, not all of it ideal alas. They’re on the run from the authorities… It’s a familial, older role to the young social misfit hero; And it reminds me of Eda’s alias as ‘Marilyn’ and how like Grunkle Stan of Gravity Falls fame, she also had a similar notoriety and crazy life in the human world.

         Sharkmom bears a passing resemblance to Camila; The single mother of our protagonist (Sharkboy probably would’ve had an angsty and surprisingly hard-hitting episode where we learn of his dad’s death), just wants the best for their kid and so sends them to another place to make friends and integrate. She would’ve adopted Jesse to his dismay, so I wonder if we’ll see something similar in Hunter learning maternal affection from Camila in S3… And Amity, too! And maybe Willow (though this mostly comes from having two dads rather than a missing/bad mom), and Gus! And Vee…

         Tbh, I have to wonder if Gravesfield is a sort of meta adaptation of the original setting of Riverfield; I mean, look at the names. Now I’m imagining an AU where Luz doesn’t go to the isles, nor the Reality Camp necessarily; An AU where she stays at Gravesfield, and we get to explore its setting and dynamics as very similar to Snaggleteeth’s. She makes a friend who initially uses her for popularity but then realizes they like Luz, all that stuff. Vee’s classmate could play the role of Violet…

         Hmm. Now I’m imagining a spin-off in which Vee parallels Luz’s story with her own in Gravesfield, meant to invoke the ideas of Snaggleteeth. Vee seems much more of a social pushover (until she isn’t!) than Luz. Imagine her trying to integrate with everyone else, and befriending the fellow kids at her camp. Sharkboy is a swimmer and Basilisks seem rather eel-like to me; But also, Sharks clearly have a notoriety in-universe for being scary, which is contrasted with Sharkboy being such a cinnamon roll.

         Basilisks are DREADED by witches and audience alike for their power, and yet look at shy, bashful little Vee! Which makes me imagine Vee revealing the truth of her identity to her friends, and one of them maybe getting the idea to exploit her terror, only to get Vee in danger because of that, and learn a lesson. Vee’s witch classmate plays the role of Violet, they explore the woods and learn of the ruins of Gravesfield, its dark witch-hunting past and the great fire that devastated it; Maybe she gets enamored with Vee as a Basilisk given her love of the supernatural, and learns to tone things down a bit? Because she values friendship more than sacrificing Vee as vindication and proof that she’s not a nutjob (this reminds me of Gus using Luz against Mattholomule), which contrasts her to…

         The local conspiracy theorist, Jacob Hopkins, unable to differentiate reality from fantasy! Now I have to wonder if he has a familial connection to one of Vee’s friends! Principal Hal could play a role similar to Snaggleteeth’s own principal, Luz’s school would have its own Ms. Lovejoy, whom Luz/Vee might have a crush on, and a Mr. Rainy! Vee and her friends visit the ‘haunted’ woods, which just scares Vee even more seeing how magical and demonic outsiders were treated; Her friends remember to make it clear they value Vee as more than a trope of their interests in the supernatural, even as Vee worries about living up those scary expectations to impress them, maybe by boasting of Basilisk ruthlessness that backfires when she fails to live up to it as the necessary ‘defense’ or ‘offense’ role of a recent scheme.

         Just imagine it. Vee, who is used to being used by others for her power and traits, her terrifying ability to drain magic, just the danger of being a Basilisk. And yet she’s so meek, which makes her more accustomed to being wielded by others; Only to realize she’s got a lot of power herself, when her friends encourage Vee to claim her own agency. And alas, mistreatment leads to Vee perhaps abusing said power, as her friends confront the monster they’ve made, and remind Vee she’s more than that and is indeed loved. Vee learns to stand up for herself but then takes it too far and becomes the monster others feared her to be…

         Screw it, we NEED to flesh out Gravesfield by drawing directly from Snaggleteeth, as a very meta trend! It’s easily a story that Luz, or even Vee, could’ve or already had! Gravesfield even has that kind of chainlink, slightly run-down vibe to it… Camila and Luz could’ve moved in like Sharkboy and his mom; Gravesfield might have a rivalry with a more robust town right over! Which could’ve influenced Luz participating in Hexside’s rivalry with Glandus…! Honestly, Season 3 might really explore Gravesfield and invoke Snaggleteeth’s Riverfield that way; So maybe that’s part of why Dana has embraced the shortening as an opportunity in and of itself… She might see the new S3 as a chance to explore the ideas behind Snaggleteeth in a TOH context specific to the Nocedas and Wittebanes!

         And come to think of it, I wonder if Dana would’ve incorporated some of Snaggleteeth’s ideas, dynamics, and setup into her proposed Young Eda spinoff… Though of course, we know how certain things end up, so there’s a lot of restriction there; Like Eda never quite internalizing that Raine values her no matter what, regardless of a curse (or maybe she does, but because the curse is different from being useful, Eda messes up there). As well as Odalia still ending up like that, Lilith and Eda’s bond only getting worse, etc. The characters also don’t quite align with what we see in Snaggleteeth’s, but that’s only based on how we know them now, so perhaps they’ve changed a bit since childhood.

         Very enlightening stuff this Snaggleteeth, where one can get a sense of the creator’s mark by the common threads between their stories. Snaggleteeth also reminds me of TOH, particularly Season 1, in how it’s initially this silly cartoon about fitting in at school and a misfit finding friends; But then we get surprised with how surpisingly in-depth and realistic the characters are. The lore and history of the community. Seeing the unexpected nuance of the protagonist internalizing some harmful ideas about themselves, kids developing in meaningful ways that last beyond the silly sitcom format. A certain level of maturity, because kids can be rather mature and deal with a lot themselves, actually!

        We take things at face-value, only to steadily learn and unwrap more behind what drives people, it’s actually very character-driven. Each adventure actually accomplishes something to the growing storyline in the background involving our protagonists and their relationship. Emotions and complex feelings are actually openly acknowledged in a dignified way, with events actually affecting characters beyond the episode they happen; It’s something I love and feels distinct about TOH to me compared to a lot of other shows, and it seems that’s a Dana Terrace trait in her works!

[god-trauma]

i hope i someday get to talk to my mother in law again so i can find out what exactly i said during the conversation we allegedly had while i was blacked out drunk that made her decide she hated me over a five year old misunderstanding and prompted her to tear apart every single good thing in my life and utterly destroy me. i can't imagine what the fuck i could have said to make her turn on me so completely. honestly im not even convinced the conversation actually happened because i have absolutely no memory of it and i was drinking a lot but i was not blacking out entire serious discussions. so maybe she hated me the whole time and made something up as an excuse to get rid of me. i really thought she cared about me but apparently im stupid because i also thought my ex cared about me and they threw me to the fucking wolves without a single second thought so obviously i can't tell when people who say they love me are lying pieces of shit who would have a party if i killed myself. every single person who's ever claimed to love me threw me away as soon as i became inconvenient or they found something better. so maybe it's me. maybe im the problem. maybe im just fundamentally unlovable, inherently damned, and living out a pointless miserable existence that's only a brief interlude before im consigned back into the hell i mistakenly crawled out of. or maybe this is hell and thinking im alive and hoping for a chance at the smallest shred of happiness before it's inevitably snatched away is part of the torture. i should probably stop fucking around and get back on heroin. what the fuck is the point of staying sober when it gives me nothing? what, am i gonna ruin my life?? it's already ruined. it's not salvageable and i need to accept that and take what i can get since everyone hates me so much they won't even grant me the mercy of letting me kill myself.