#as someone who was also once a lonely kid who didn't get along with my peers with a constant sense of guilt anxiety about death and yearn to

[harlowehearse]

Crying sobbing throwing up Janice candle cove means so much to me I'm very emotional over her

[lynnuvo]

VALORANT Males as Cats

Characters: Iso, Harbor, Omen, Brimstone

Iso

Iso has been part of the family for a long time, just not your immediate family. You remembered visiting your cousin's house a couple times and petting him for a bit before going back to your family members. He was a sweet cat, calm and collected. Your thoughts didn't harbor much about him until your cousin called, asking if they could drop him and his items off for you to babysit him while their family was on vacation for a month. You accepted.

the sassiest male cat you ever met

somehow knows the approximate time to day his normal meals are even with the blinds closed. if you miss his mealtime by even a minute, he's against you whining like someone tore up a precious toy

whines when you leave and whines when you don't pet him upon his signals for attention

if you reciprocate his signals though, his purrs make it sound like he's ascended to heaven

generally keeps to himself on the couch or on his bed on the floor. your cousin let him sleep with her once and they got sick, so now he also has baths more often than a typical cat would

HATES BATHS AND WILL STARE YOU DOWN AS YOU POUR WATER ON HIM

will run away from home if let out the house unsupervised but returns in 5-10 minutes

gets along surprisingly well with other animals and loves to nuzzle up to kittens and babies

Harbor

You heard a friend of a friend was looking for someone to adopt her cats. After getting in contact, you visited her house and chose Harbor out of the other six. He was the first to approach you and stayed by your side the longest. You followed the list of items to buy the owner gave you and brought everything (and everyone) home in one piece.

likes to stay on your bed for a good quarter of the day

shockingly has no fit about taking a bath or trimming his nails, just don't keep him in there too long

loves climbing around; he will be thrilled if you get him a cat tree tower

sticks his paw under any running faucet and take sips out of as many cups as possible. make sure you have your cup either in a place he can't get to or it has a lid

his energy levels throughout the day are on a spectrum; sometimes he'll want to play while others he sleeps past mealtime

nuzzles against your ankle under the table while you eat

in a trance when you play cat videos for him

Omen

Most strangers avoid Omen rather than beckon him towards them because he "looks like could bite my kid or have rabies," descriptions thanks to a comment made by a random woman shopping near you on a random Thursday morning. People can be quick to judge a book by its cover. Well, pet in this case. You can't blame them, though. Judging appearances are a part of survival. But you've grown up with Omen since he was adopted into the family as a birthday present when you were 5, so you know the truth is that he's an angel.

cuddles up to you whenever he can, wherever he can. it's hard to scold him for disturbing your work when you know he just likes your company

doesn't like baths much but will tolerate it as best as possible

sleeps anywhere possible; be careful when you walk or you might end up stepping on him

wary of other animals but once they show interest in him, he becomes more interactive and friendly

has a surprisingly great memory. the boy who pet him too hard without permission and who Omen scurried away from? when your cousin returns to your house again two years later, Omen avoids him like the plague

has a favorite toy and brings it along with him on trips sometimes; if you plan on taking him to stay over a night somewhere else, please bring the toy

doesn't run away if you leave the door open. he'll just sit at the doorway and watch

BRIMSTONE

You finally felt ready to adopt a cat after buying your first apartment. Life would be lonely without a companion, so you wanted one who fit you for the ride. After going through a selection, you settled on Brimstone. He was quite calm and appeared to be little trouble. Lucky for you, the latter was true.

watches over you while you're sleeping if he's awake and sleeps beside you when he grows tired

likes to be in the same room as you but hangs around anywhere inside. sometimes you'll be on the bed and he'll be relaxing on the floor

watches you from the window as you leave and roams around the house or plays with his belongings while waiting for you to come home

licks you as if he's cleaning you up

takes a while to warm up to people but gets along better with other animals

immediately slips into the role of a parent if a kitten or baby is left without a parent in sight

if anyone raises their voice or makes you look scared, it's a free-for-all to him. he's ready to defend his owner like there's no tomorrow

[mrsfrecklesmarauders]

Once, Lily Evans had loved Severus Snape. It hadn't been in a romantic way. She didn't want to date him or be his girlfriend. But she truly loved him as a friend.

Back in the day, Lily thought no one could get her like Severus did. They were close. They got along well. They were interested in the same things. He made her laugh when she was her saddest. She was the only one who could make him snap out of his self pity. They were more than friends. Best friends.

And Lily didn't understand why others didn't like Severus. She didn't understand why others hated him or had something bad to say about him. From her mother who stared at him with reject, to Petunia who couldn't stand him and was always calling him nasty, to her father who didn't like him when he liked everyone "Just think my sweet Lily deserves better friends" he used to say.

Mary and Marlene couldn't stand Severus as well. They said he was weird and rude, that he'd never opened himself to them even if they tried to be friendly.

Then there were The Marauders who were bloody awful with Sev just because he was different (according to Lily). Sev was the victim of James's stupid mean jokes and Sirius’s humiliating pranks. Peter just followed them. They were constantly on him. Making fun of their nose and his hair.

Lily knew Severus was shy. He might have been tackless, serious and might not understand other people's sense of humor. But she knew other version of him. And he was actually funny, he was actually nice. He'd just suffered a lot.

But then Remus came along and he hadn't also liked Severus. He also didn't understand why Lily was friends with him.

That left Lily to be the only one to understand Severus. The only one to like him. And for Lily the rest of the world was crazy. She was against everyone else when it came to Severus.

Not for a second she thought it was Severus's fault. He suffered abuse at home. He suffered bullying and incomprehension from other kids at school. He had no friends for being the teacher's pet, weird, awkward and lonely. Severus was just a poor victim.

"I get that nobody likes me, Lily. I am useless. If my own bloody father doesn't like me, who would? Sometimes I think you're the only person who will love me"

Poor Severus, Lily constantly thought. Why doesn't people try to get to know him and actually like him?

Turned out Lily had been absolutely blind. After she heard Severus telling some Slytherin boys how she was easy and he could and had done what he wanted with her, things started changing between them.

Lily had been doing nothing but forgive him. He messed up, he justified it with the misery he was going through, Lily felt sorry for him, she forgave him. And the cycle started again.

For Lily it was normal and natural. She had seen friends fighting and making up instantly. Why wouldn't Lily give hers another chance? For old times sake.

People did the impossible for the people they loved, right? For their best friends, right? Then why did everything felt so wrong?

Lily had fucked up all the progress she had with James Potter.

"It's so rude not to say hello to someone, Potter!!" Lily sounded like an insane person yelling that after James and the boys had said hello to Mary and Marlene but completely ignored her. To be fair she was sad all the time. She felt guilty all the time. She didn't sleep well, she had lost her appetite and she was losing her concentration in classes.

James Potter gave her a hateful glance and turned without a word left to say. And it hurt. In the past, Lily had begged for Potter to ignore her ass for one second. But that was before getting to know him. That was before the friendship. That was before Petunia's wedding and the kiss they shared.

"What happened between you and Potter, Lily?" Mary asked as The Marauders walked away. James, Sirius and Peter angry and Remus pitiful but loyal to James.

"That man worshipped the floor you walked in" Marlene added with concern.

"You even said that you might fancy him... After your sister's wedding...That you felt like a princess next to him"

Lily had enjoyed every second of it. How she danced with James. How she chatted and laughed with James. Their kiss when Lily was slightly drunk. The way he had been a gentleman with her family. How well he fitted in on the contrary of Sev.

Lily thought she could actually feel things for James. That he could turn into her prince charming. But that was before knowing that he was doing all of it for a game.

"He changed the game, Lily!" Severus had said "How can you be so stupid?! He acted like your friend so that you could fall into his game. Now he has probably bragged to his bloody servants about how he finally got you to kiss him! And you are a fool to believe he is not going to get over you now that you've given in!"

Of course Lily felt guilty for being an idiot. She thought James had changed for real. But Severus reminded her of who she was dealing with. James Potter and his friends had been tormentors of Sev for years. How could Lily betray her best friend like that?

"Don't worry" Severus added as Lily started crying "I have a plan to get back at him"

Not Mary or Marlene knew about how Lily had turned all on her. Telling Potter that the only reason she'd kissed him was to win a bet she'd done with Severus. Although it was false, Lily wouldn't give Potter the satisfaction of having played with her.

"Lily, If what James told me is true, then you were awful with him" Marlene said carefully.

"Now I am the awful one? How about everything he did!" Lily did yell a bit.

"You aren't a spiteful person, babe" Mary prompted "You aren't like this. You wouldn't hurt someone to win a bet"

"You're right!! I'm not a fool anymore! I'm sick and tired of people stepping over me!!"

Now if Lily had told herself she had done the right thing, that Severus was her best friend first and above everyone, then why did she feel so dreadful?

"Come on, Lily" Severus appeared now before Lily could explain anything to her friends "Thought we were having dinner outside"

Marlene immediately rolled her eyes with his presence. Mary tutted with disdain. If Potter was the bad guy, why did the girls like him so much? Why were they rooting for Lily to be with him and not Severus?

"Don't you see she is busy?" Marlene spat.

"We were talking to her, Snape" Mary added.

Why couldn't them get along with Snape if he was as good as Lily thought?

"She agreed to eat with me, didn't you Lily?"

Why did Lily feel so guilty? For her Severus had done the impossible to make her forgive his mistakes. Now Lily was making up for falling into Potter's trap and hurting Severus by kissing him. She was just fighting for her friendship. And his conditions were not getting along with The Marauders. Any of them. It was a sacrifice to make Severus happy. It wasn't even a sacrifice, she didn't like the bullies of those wankers, did she?

"I am sorry, girls" Lily said, swallowing the knot on her throat "I did promise... Sorry"

Lily followed Severus even though she didn't want to. Even though her friends looked worried and irritated. Even though it felt wrong. Why did she feel this way?

She was quiet as they ate. For the first time in the history of their relationship, Severus was the happy one, the chatty one. Lily didn't know how to act anymore. She stared at Severus and wondered who was he? Was she right to trust him?

Through Lily's distraction, she dropped her glass of juice all over the table. She cried in apology as if spilling her juice had been the worst mistake in her life. Then she felt even more awful.

Severus just smiled finding Lily's silliness adorable and amusing.

"Don't worry about it, Lily" he said as he helped her clean.

"I'm so silly" Lily sighed "I ruined our dinner"

Severus chuckled "You didn't"

"I can't get you another plate" Lily said, mostly to get out of there and take a break from him. Why did she want to run away? Severus was staring at her without discretion "I know how much you like meat pie... You were enjoying it..."

"I love you, Lily" Severus responded with a snort.

How much Lily had dreamed for a boy to fall in love with her, like in the novels. She fantasized about romance. And she thought no one would glance at her that way.

When Severus almost kissed her on New Year's, she even considered giving him a chance. Didn't she read about the girl who realized at the end of the movie that she had been in love with her best friend all along?

But then Severus had fucked it up miserably. Now he hadn't stopped saying it since they fixed things. He had confessed his feelings claiming what he felt for Lily was real, on contrast of what Potter felt. But everytime Severus said it, Lily felt more and more uncomfortable.

For some reason it didn't sound genuine. It sounded awful. It sounded as if she was his most precious possession. As if he owned her or something.

"I'm sorry" Severus snorted and rubbed his neck as he saw how Lily stiffened. "I just can't stop saying it now... I just love you"

When he scooped closer, Lily flinched and froze.

"I know you don't feel the same, Lily" Severus sighed "But I promise I am going to make you love me... We're going to be so happy that you won't even remember everything that wanker did to you"

Lily was too frozen and uncomfortable to respond. She was actually glad her food was covered in juice because she wasn't hungry anymore.

Then Severus pulled her in for a hug and Lily's eyes filled with tears. It wasn't comfortable hugging him. She didn't feel butterflies. She didn't even feel the tender she used to feel for him. She felt disgust. She didn't know if it was of him or herself.

Lily was starting to believe that Severus Snape wasn't the man she thought he was. Maybe the world wasn't wrong. Maybe they were all right and she was the one to be mistaken. There was a reason why everyone hated Snape. Perhaps they all saw what she failed to see.

If Lily had to stop being friends with who she wanted because of Severus, if she had to stop doing what she pleased, change and live for him, then maybe this was a toxic relationship.

Maybe Severus didn't love her at all. He was just obsessed with her. So Lily considered for a second about leaving him. But she was scared of hurting him. She was scared of breaking his heart. She still had little care for him. Would she be able to cut him off?

"Sometimes, you just have to choose yourself above others, sunshine" the voice of her father said inside her head.

Lily knew what she had to do. She just had to find the right moment.

[garoumylove]

Man, Garou's idea of what a monster is so ...strange?

Pretty sure I've talked about this before in one of my rare 'meta' posts but I still can't get over how left-field it is?

Usually, when we use the word monster, it has connotations of danger, destruction, lethality. When we call someone a 'monster' it is never in a complimentary sense (not talking about pet names or anything like that here).

Monsters are creatures that kill and destroy.

Now, yes, the media is awash in stories where a 'monster' turns out to be harmless. And this is the point...the monster turns out to be not a monster at all. Just someone who doesn't fit in with society and we go, 'Hey! They're not the monster...humans were the real monster all along *sad face emoji*'

This is exactly what happens in Justice Man. When Garou speaks to Tacchan (little shit) he explains that the crab monster only wanted to protect the ocean and Justice Man and his little cronies came and destroyed his treasured possessions and kicked his ass.

Garou is, on some level, aware that the crab demon is not a real monster but someone who is just misunderstood and is on the edges of the society of the world of Justice Man.

And I think that's a huge issue. The fact that to Garou 'monster' and 'loner/outsider' become synonymous.

Again, a monster is a dangerous creature. Once they show that they are not a threat to others, they cease to be known as a monster, whatever their appearance may be.

But Garou keeps calling these sorts of outsiders and loners that he identifies with as monsters and I think this is the fault of shows like Justice Man, which also equate being different/lonesome/strange with being a monster. In which case, Justice Man and his group are the real monsters for treating those who are simply different in such a cruel way.

I can understand this mix up when Garou is a kid, but it makes me wonder, why does he not change his views when he's older? Why doesn't he say to himself, 'Wait a minute? Those weren't monsters. Just creatures that didn't fit the norm.'

He clearly hates actual monsters and thinks they're disgusting and has no problem killing them.

Why Garou? You clearly care not for monsters, but for underdogs which Justice Man mislabeled as monsters.

Garou sees himself as a hated underdog (but calls that a monster!) who is going to rise up and become powerful to protect all the underdogs everywhere. Underdogs like Tareo. He actually has no interest in protecting or standing up for actual, real monsters.

At the end of the day, I think that's what he actually hates. That innocent loser kids like he was get mislabeled as 'monsters' and so he begins to wear that label with pride, despite not actually being a monster but rather just a lovely, hurting, lonely young man who sees all the pain of all the other loser kids and decides to do something about it.

You are a complicated man Garou...complicated man.

[zippidi-dooda]

Chapter: 1, 2, 3,

4 - I Wonder

It's been a few days since you went to the castle. And since you've gone to Briar Valley.

There wasn't a need for you to go, so you didn't.

Lucas did grumble about it though. He wanted to meet who he declared his 'bestest friend,' Sebek. He relented once you reminded him that he was a soldier. He would be busy helping others.

But he did so sadly. Dragged his feet when he walked, sighed loudly when you were working on something, saying things like, "I wish I had friends to play with." 

Or, "I did all my chores, Mom. Gee, I really would like to go play with my friends now."

Or, "Wow, this toy I got is really cool. I bet Sebek would like it. If only I could show him."

It was starting to get annoying to hear him moap about it, but at least he was more obsessed with Sebek than he was with his "dad."

You didn't want to drop by for a visit solely because you didn't want to run into Malleus, which would inevitably happen if you went. Which was the real reason why you hadn't gone yet.

Yes, Malleus didn't appear as ... malevolent as he was depicted to be. You didn't have to fear him (as much). But he was still a king. And one, you think, correctly- suspected you of being the missing queen. 

It would be beneficial to him to return you to your kingdom. That was something you absolutely could not afford to happen.

But, Sebek and Lucas did seem to get along. 

You wanted Lucas to hang out with him. He needed to. Needed to at least have someone other than you to talk to. And you trusted Sebek around him.

You slipped on a pair of light leather gloves, grabbed an old, full watering can, and started towards the backdoor.

Maybe you should start visiting Briar Valley more. Malleus did invite you to live there and regardless if it was just to better keep track of you, it was starting to sound like a good idea.

There was sure to be other kids around Lucas age he could play with. And if you needed anything, it would be all around you. Nearby.

Plus, your safety from Rias would be guaranteed within the Valley.

Getting the residents used to your presences would need to be your first step to moving in though. Best to get them somewhat used to having humans among them, right?

And if their reactions were negative towards you during those visits, you could save yourself the trouble of starting to live there then being harassed daily.

You hummed to yourself. 

Then, tomorrow you and Lucas would tour the Valley and see if you could manage living there. 

"Lucas!"

"Yes, Mom?"

"I'm going to be outside if you need anything, okay."

"Okay. I'll just sit here on the couch." He sighed. "I think Sebek would know a fun game we could play right now...."

You corner of your lips quirked up and you sighed.

Maybe, just maybe, if you had time, you could visit Sebek tomorrow as well.

Why he had become so attached to these people not even after a whole day was a mystery to you.

You turned the smooth doorknob and walked outside.

It was cool, a light breeze brushing your h/c locks out of your face the moment you were out. A lone bird was singing a song up in one of the many trees, waiting for someone to return his tune. 

"I wonder, why each little bird has a someone, to sing to, sweet things to," you sang softly recalling the words a famous, blonde princess once sang.

You knelt beside the little garden you made, still singing, "A gay little love melody."

It still wasn't much, but little green leaves were beginning to sprout. "I wonder," with more time and nurturing, they would grow big and resemble the vegetables they were meant to be.

"I wonder," you poured some water over them and pulled out some weeds that were also beginning to grow.

"If my heart keeps singing, will my song go winging."

You heard another bird join the first, twittering back the melody. You smiled, spotting them up in the trees finally.

Two little, brown sparrows. They nuzzled each other happily before one flew off and the other gave chase. 

Cute, you thought.

"To someone, who'll find me, and bring back a love song, to me." 

You hummed the tune, enjoying the peaceful atmosphere outdoors.

Until, "You have a lovely voice."

You jumped, knocking the watering can over and dousing the plants. "Shit!"

Amused laughter rang from behind you. "My apologies, I didn't expect you to be so jumpy."

"Why the hell are you here?" You questioned, quickly picking up the can to try and prevent overwatering the plants.

Malleus stood by the backdoor, an impish grin on his lips. 

"I visit here often. At least, I did until you arrived."

You stood and eyed him warily. "I told you this place isn't abandoned anymore. There's no need to come back to visit."

"Perhaps not. But I do enjoy the tranquility out here. You don't mind me coming back out of habit, do you?"

You doubted he came just cause of habit. But you didn't say anything.

"That song," He continued. "It's not a very popular one. Not many are out there who know it. Do you know how it came about?"

Was he baiting you? 

"Not a clue."

He hummed and walked towards you. He scrutinized you for a second, green eyes boring into your e/c ones.

He was handsome, you couldn't deny that.

The way he held himself, so sure and strong. His pointed horns gleamed, sitting upon his head like a twisted tiara. The way his dark hair curled perfectly around his cheeks and splayed neatly across his shoulders. His clothes, although perfectly fitted to his lean figure and clearly made of high quality material only royalty could afford, looked so plain and despite that he filled them so well.

Had he wore tattered rags you had no doubt he'd still pull it off.

His pale skin could have been considered a sign of unhealthiness but the contrast of his dark clothes and hair made him appear ethereally beautiful. His bright green eyes were shadowed by light black make up, it made you drawn to gaze into them. 

If you weren't careful you would get lost in them.

"... gorgeous...."

A smile worked itself onto his thin lips as he heard your subconscious words, revealing his pristine white fangs to you.

"A princess named Aroura liked that song," he began, breaking you out of your trance.

You took a step back and focused your attention anywhere that wasn't him.

"She was very lonely in her youth, often singing about her longings to the creatures of the forest. Her only companions."

"That's nice. If you'll excuse me I must be going now. And so should you." You walked towards the house.

"I have time to spare." He followed, his slender legs allowing him to catch up to you in half your steps.

"Won't your men be looking for you?"

"Indeed. But you needn't worry about it. I'm sure they won't mind. They've been wondering when you'll show up again. They'll be happy to learn you're alright."

You stopped just as your hand reached the doorknob.

"Draconia?"

"Hm?"

"You have told them that you and I have done nothing together and that Lucas isn't your son, haven't you?"

He smiled, his eyes squinting slightly. "I've never told them that was the case to begin with."

You turned to face him fully, setting down the watering can, and placed your hands on your hips.

"You do know the negative implications it will have on you, not to mention me, if rumors spread that you had a child out of wedlock? Regardless if they're true or not, it's your duty as king to knock down anything that can harm your position."

"I have many negative feelings towards me already. What's another little lie to add on the pile? Besides, you live alone, out here. What's it to you if people assume you've spent a night or two of ecstacy with a feared being?"

Heat rushed to your face at his way of explaining things. "I-I I still have an image of modesty to uphold, Draconia. I'd appreciate if no weird looks were thrown my way if I were to move into Briar Valley as you suggested. Besides, Lucas has no magic at all to speak of. It'd bring even more shame to you if people assumed he was yours and see he's nothing like you."

Malleus' smile faded and his brows raised up. "You actually want to move in?"

"... why do you say it like that?"

Was he joking when he had mentioned it the last time?

"Oh, nothing. I just didn't think you'd consider it."

"Well. I guess I wo-"

"Mom! Can I get a cookie yet? Oof!" Lucas swung open the door and bumped into your back as he walked out. "Hey! What's the big ... Dad! You're here!"

Lucas threw his arms around Malleus' legs tightly.

"Dad, Mom won't take me to see Sebek again! Can you please take me to see him? Please, Dad, pretty please? I promise I'll behave and I did all my chores already. Honest."

"Lucas, quit that already."

Malleus reached a gloved hand down to ruffled your son's hair. "Perhaps another time."

"But ... Daddy?" He looked up at him, trying to appeal to his emotions by tearing up and pouting.

Malleus rolled his wrist and a toy figure that looked sort of like a pig in armor, appeared in his hand. The tears vanished from Lucas' e/c eyes, replaced by starry amazement.

He handed him the action figure.

"If you wish to see him, you need only walk into the palace. If you run into trouble just call for Lilia. Now then, perhaps I should get going and tell them you're alright."

Lucas nodded eagerly and squeezed him before letting go.

"Thanks, Dad!"

Your eyes met Malleus' one last time before he disappeared again, leaving green fireflies in his wake.

"In Ruins" Masterlist

[whumpsmith-participates]

Medwhump May 2024

Day 17 - Forced to stay awake / Scars

TW: guns mention i guess

@medwhumpmay

Living with and working for your kidnapper can get pretty lonely, pretty isolated... But sometimes Erick got a little break from that isolation, getting to hang out with other teens his age. Like the one time they spent a summer in Jaime's hometown in Kansas and he got to meet all her friends.

It was a sleepy town, small enough for everyone to know each other, and not quite big enough to have its own high school. The townspeople mostly consisted of someone's aunt, uncle or grandparents, with a few exceptions. During school semesters, kids of all ages were crammed into a schoolbus or two or three and shipped off to the next town over to attend school. Their parents and neighbours worked hard to keep their little economy running, leaving the shops on main street relatively succesful, but not offering a lot of leisure either.

To Fetch, it was the perfect place to hide out at when he had to lay low, while also giving him the chance to be a little bit closer to his daughter. They'd done it once before. It was a coincidence at the time. Jaime needed to be brought home, and Fetch could pick up a job in the next town over. For the sake of keeping up appearances, he allowed Erick to get closer to Jaime and her friends, putting a temporary end to his isolation.

It only lasted for the summer, though. After that it was back to either San Diego, or touring the country from one job to another, and back into isolation for Erick...until next summer when Fetch conveniently pissed someone off again and they had to lay low someplace.

"Are we staying at the same place as last time?" Erick asked, excitedly peering at the sign indicating it was only fifteen more miles until they reached the town.

"No, it was sold apparently," Fetch said, "damn house flippers...no we're staying at an old friend's house."

"You have friends in that town?" Erick asked, raising a brow.

"Not really," Fetch admitted, "but he was the only one who didn't side with my ex in the divorce and he has spare rooms, so."

"So...an acquaintance?"

"Don't get smart with me," Fetch grumbled, "walk me through the ground rules."

"Keep location tracking on when I go out, stick to the curfew, don't tell Jaime and her friends about your work, avoid suspicion at all costs," Erick droned.

"Good," Fetch said, "and don't go thinking I won't kick your ass for breaking any of them because we're staying with someone. I can always take you out into the woods if I have to, so don't make me go through that effort."

"Yes, sir," Erick said.

When they arrived at the address where they would stay, Erick could tell right away why Fetch got along with their host. He was a farmer, living alone in a pretty generous farm house. He didn't talk much, which involved not asking too many questions either. He looked worn-down enough from working his land, and probably slept like a log throughout the night.

After they unpacked a bit, they got some dinner at the diner in town, during which Erick got to text Jaime to let her know they'd arrived.

"She said she'll be right over," Erick said, after reading through a string of enthusiastic replies.

"Tell her if she hurries she can catch dessert," Fetch said, already looking at the menu again.

And sure enough, about ten minutes later, Jaime came bursting into the diner, ignoring the waitress as she rushed past her to hug her dad, and Erick next before plopping down next to him.

"I'm so glad you're here! Are you staying all summer? No wait, don't say anything, I don't wanna think about you guys leaving yet!" she rambled, "Erick you wanna hang out later? Everyone will be so excited to see you!"

"Um..."

Erick glanced at Fetch, but he just shrugged.

"Be home by ten," he said.

"We'll let you know if we run late!" Jaime said, grabbing Erick's arm and getting up, "let's go!"

"You don't want dessert?" Erick asked.

"There'll probably be snacks anyway, and it'll save daddy some money on the bill~" Jaime said, "let's go, let's go, let's go!"

Erick shot Fetch an apologetic look as he got up and followed Jaime out of the diner. It was just like last summer. He just kind of went wherever Jaime dragged him to, and it usually turned out to be fun.

Today it was the town's tattoo parlour. Erick remembered all the afternoons they spent in the alley behind the shop, enjoying the shade, trying to lure roaming cats to pet them, and chasing off some guys who had planned to set the dumpster on fire.

But they weren't hanging in the alley by the parlour, they were hanging inside. The sign on the door said 'closed,' but Jaime ignored it and pushed the door open anyway.

"Look who finally found his way back?" Jaime announced.

"Oh god," Erick sighed, before following after.

Sure enough, the whole group was there. Even though it had been a year, Erick recognised them all right away; Finn, Jaime's best friend with the habit to dye his hair in crazy colours; Cal, Finn's boyfriend of ambiguous ethnicity and an equally ambiguous (and delicious!) repertoire of recipes; Caitlyn, possibly the tamest member of the group and a nice contrast after all the others; and last but not least, Rowan, whose uncle owned the parlour and the apartment above it.

"AAAH IT'S ERICK!" Caitlyn shrieked, getting up from the couch by the wall to hug him.

"Bitch my ears!" Finn whined, before getting up as well, "good to see you, man."

"Erick come check this out!" Cal called him over.

Erick fist-bumped Finn, dislodged from Caitlyn's hug and followed the sound of a soft hum. In a corner in the back of the shop, Rowan was bent over one of the chairs, holding a tattoo gun, though before he got a chance to see what Cal wanted to show him, he was hit by a terrible smell.

"Urk! S-sorry, what is that smell?" Erick asked, covering his mouth and nose with both hands.

"Oh yeah, that's the pig skin," Rowan said, holding up his work.

He held up a literal slab of skin with a half-finished, realistic-looking galaxy tattoo.

"Oh wow, that looks great," Erick said, "but I'm gonna keep my distance."

"You get used to the smell in a minute," Rowan said, putting the skin back on the chair and continuing.

"Is that why we're hanging in here?" Erick asked, "I thought Mr Green didn't want us thrashing the place."

"Guess he finally trusts us," Rowan said with a shrug, "we'll go chill upstairs once I'm done with this piece, so we can eat some snacks too."

He moved to dip his needle in some fresh ink, when he managed to knock it over instead.

"Crap."

"I'll get you some paper towels," Cal said with a laugh, before walking off.

Erick dared to come a little closer, the smell slowly getting less bad. The pig skin had more tattoos on it. It seemed like Rowan had been practicing vibrant, starry skies, each one looking much better than the last.

"I should call it a night," Rowan sighed, putting the tattoo gun down.

"It's looking really great, though," Erick said.

"Thanks!" Rowan said, lighting up a bit, "when do I get to ink you~?"

"I'm good," Erick quickly said.

"Oh come ooon," Rowan said, "you're such a beautiful blank canvas! Prime real estate! Jaime, tell him!"

"Imagine how epic a Star Wars tattoo could look with his new technique," Jaime said.

Erick was almost convinced, almost. But he didn't even want to begin to imagine how Fetch could possibly react to a random tattoo. He seemed more than okay with Jaime's piercings, though Jaime could get away with murder in his eyes, while with Erick...it depended on his current mood.

"Maybe when I can actually afford to pay fairly," Erick said, "besides, I'm not that blank of a canvas."

"Honey you totally have a vitamin D deficiency," Caitlyn said.

"...maybe, but that's not what I meant," Erick said, "I got, like, some scars and stuff."

"Scar cover-ups are something I wanna learn too," Rowan said, "can I see?"

"Um..."

"You gotta show us now," Jaime said, "do you have a cool story behind it too?"

"I wouldn't really call it cool, perse," Erick said, hesitating a bit, "it really hurt at the time...sometimes it still does, like before a rain storm."

"Classic scar stuff," Rowan said, "trust me, I know."

He rubbed his leg a bit, which he once managed to impale on some scrap metal in the junkyard. Erick winced a bit as he remembered the story. Frankly, Rowan could be so clumsy, he was surprised he didn't have more scars like that.

"I still wanna see it," Rowan said, "for research, inspiration maybe."

"Alright, alright, just don't ask," Erick said, before rolling up the right sleeve of his shirt.

He was turned towards Rowan so he could...be inspired or something, though Jaime shoved Caitlyn aside to also take a look. Just hidden underneath the sleeve of his Tee, Erick had a round scar with three spikes coming from it, nothing more but an odd shape, unless you knew what you were looking at.

"Jeez, Erick, what'd you do?" Jaime asked.

"Well..."

"It looks like a bullet wound," Rowan said, leaning in a little closer.

"Yeah, as if," Jaime said.

"Well...."

"ERICK!?"

Jaime punched his other arm.

"Tell me you're lying!"

"I haven't said anything yet," Erick pointed out, which only earned him another punch. Meanwhile on his other side, Rowan gently traced his fingers over the scar, feeling the outline without putting too much pressure.

"No, that's definitely a bullet wound," he concluded, not helping.

"Tell me what happened!" Jaime said, grabbing Erick and shaking him a bit.

"I said don't ask!" Erick argued.

"Technically she wasn't asking," Finn pointed out.

Erick threw him a look, while Jaime shook him again.

"Tell me!" she said.

"Calm down!" Erick said, "it's nothing serious, it was just an accident."

"How do you accidentally get shot?" Cal asked.

"We live in America," Rowan said, "but still, how? I didn't even manage to accidentally get shot yet."

"Yet?" Erick repeated, "wait, sorry. It's really stupid, I promise."

"If it's embarrassing you have to tell us," Finn said with a smirk.

"Okay, okay, stop crowding me," Erick said, swatting Rowan's hands away as he was still observing his scar, "it was a warning shot that ended up bouncing against a steel support beam and hit me instead."

"A warning shot for who?! What idiot waves a gun around like that in the first place?!" Jaime said.

Erick but his lip, he could probably still save this with a half-truth, he just had to be careful not to mention too many details.

"Your dad..."

"HAH! Your dad's an idiot!" Finn immediately said, while Jaime facepalmed.

"Of course he is," she said, "he always brings his Glock when he's travelling because you never know what can happen in the middle of nowhere— Wait! Did something happen?! Are you guys okay?!"

"No, we died in a highway robbery," Erick deadpanned, which earned him another punch while the others laughed.

"I'm serious! If something were to happen to either of you..."

"We're fine, your dad knows what he's doing," Erick quickly assured her, "besides, nothing scares off wannabe robbers like a man crazy enough to shoot his own companion, even if it was an accident. We got away with just one very painful scratch."

"Jesus fucking christ, Erick," Jaime sighed, beginning to calm down a bit, "next time dad shoots you, at least text me, okay?"

"I didn't wanna worry you," Erick said, "besides, your dad was pretty embarrassed about the whole thing..."

"I have the right to be worried, you dumbass!" Jaime said.

Meanwhile Rowan returned with a coloured marker, beginning to draw on Erick's arm before he could stop him.

"I could ink a nebula in the background, and then use the elevation of the scar to enhance the 3D effect of an asteroid, or what about the Death Star blowing up?" he murmured.

"Stop tempting me," Erick said, though he didn't pull his arm away, "this washes off, right?"

"Yeah, I'll get you some rubbing alcohol after I take a picture," Rowan said, "thanks for letting me do this. Pig skin doesn't ever come with scars to practice on."

"So long as you stick to marker," Erick said.

Meet the squad! Aaaaa I love the squad! I wish I had intro pages for all of them, but this is actually the first time I wrote with them! Up until now they'd just been rotating in my head, like a good stew hmmmm

More fluff than whump, but TBH I (and thems) needed a break.

Masterlist Main account

Taglist for the dynamic duo (however brief their interaction was in this one): @lavndvrr

[matan4il]

Would I have viewed the finale differently if I didn't know it could have been the last? It still would have sucked and I would have been bummed. Outside of the Buddie of it I don't know why they couldn't let one of them stay single. Especially the pandering way they did it.

As someone who chooses not to be in a relationship, I wish they would have normalized it. I was a bit of an oopsie to older parents and the very youngest to many siblings. As a result, I have taken care of them and a lot of nieces and nephews. But I love it!! It allowed me to go to school longer and get my dream job. I get to vacation when I want. Everyone knows I will be the one to take the kids on their first trip abroad. I love my life. It's a blend of selflessness and selfishness, and there have been people like me forever. I have always seen shades of that in Eddie and Buck. I don't see the need to force either to be in a relationship or even make them seem lonely. Either way, I still wouldn't have liked it because it was done poorly, I especially didn't understand the "why Marisol." It was lazy writing and unfulfilled at best.

Also, one other small thing. I do identify with them a bit also because it's like the butterfly effect. Maybe they would be completely different people if Eddie hadn't knocked up Shannon and Bucks' parents' cared. Maybe I would be different if I was first born instead of last? And that's OK to think, but also ok to still love the life you have now..

Hi Nonnie! Thank you for the ask and sorry it's taken me a bit to reply, I wish real life wasn't as intense... but I hope you're doing good! *hug*

I agree with you so much, not wanting to be in a r/s at any cost should be normalized. I'm SO happy for you, to hear that you have a good life and that you're enjoying it to the fullest!

I believe that having a family (a romantic partner, kids) has a different meaning to each person. I'm the granddaughter of Holocaust survivors, so what family is to me was very much shaped by what they taught me. To my grandparents, the family that they built was the ultimate victory over the hatred that tried to exterminate all of us Jews. Passing along their identity, their heritage, their values, as well as the memory of those relatives who had been murdered in the Holocaust, it was all a part of this triumph. That's on top of the significance of continuity through family in Judaism in general.

So I come from a very specific background, and even I recognize that what family means to me isn't a universal thing. Which is why it's very annoying to see that TV and movies often treat the subject as if there is only one way to be happy, and that is to find a romantic partner. Many times, it's tied to having kids as well, but almost always it's about settling with a life partner. And I think it's a harmful message, this idea of "one size fits all." More than that, I believe in certain cases it's so pervasive that some people try to stick it out in bad r/s, even abusive ones, due to the idea that it's better than to be alone. When it clearly is not!

That's why Eddie breaking up with Ana simply over the fact that he wasn't happy was so important, realizing that if his happiness was elsewhere, it's okay to walk away, that was so important. Like I said in this ask reply, they can still turn the storyline with Marisol (and for that matter, Natalia) into something poignant about Eddie (and Buck's) journey. What upsets me is the thought they might have actually wanted to leave it there, in that place where Buddie seem to be dating women just for the sake of dating once more.

Hope you have a great day! As always, my ask tag. xoxox

[tellywoodtrash]

hiiiii tt!! hope ur doing well <333

i wanted some advice from you, if that's okay. i started college this year and the experience has been ... nothing like i imagined lol. basically, i've been lonely my entire life. i'm also autistic and i think thats part of why its so hard for me to make friends. i really thought college would change that, idk why. its not like i bought into the ultimate karan johar college fantasy or anything like that, i just thought it would be...better than my school life, at least. for the first month, it kind of was. i was talking to lot of people and even getting along with them, at least i thought i did. but then one by one everyone just, like, stopped talking to me??? i don't get it.

like, one of the first friend groups i made in college, almost all of them decided to join a college society together, while i decided not to because i wasn't really interested in that particular club. then they all but forgot about me, once they joined that society. they made new friends over there and of course, all of them were still friends among themselves, but it was like i didn't even exist anymore. maybe i shouldn't take it so personally but i genuinely made an effort to keep that friendship alive and literally got nothing in return from their side.

then i made friends with some other girls in my course and all three of them literally got boyfriends at the exact same time and they started ignoring me too. at this point i feel i am the problem. because the reason all of these people (who i have only known for a few months, at best) abandoning me hurts so much is because this is how i've been treated my entire life. and now i feel like i will never escape it. if i somehow haven't been able to form a genuine bond with ANYONE for my entire 18 years of existence on this earth, clearly something is very wrong with me. i have no friends (never had them in the first place) and i don't even get along with my family. i am so completely alone and i just do not know how to cope with that.

i'm tired of being ghosted by everyone i consider a friend and then only being remembered when they need something. they are only my friend when it's convenient for them. college was supposed to be a fresh start but it just proved that every new "start" of mine will have the same old ending. i hate to let my pessimism get the best of me but i have no hope left in me. i have always felt like i had so much love to give, but no one to give it to. now, however, i don't see the point in trying. i am scared to even try to talk to people at this point, i feel like i will just fuck it up like i always do.

this is way too long already and idek why i'm writing all this but thank you for reading ig. i hope ur doing better than i am 💗

Hi hi friend,

First of alll, come here youuuuu.

Secondly, it's not really you. It's just the age and inherent nature of most 18 year olds; they tend to be a little flaky and unreliable. Couple that with college being the first real taste of freedom desi kids get, and yeah...... This shit tends to happen. You're right in that you shouldn't take it personally. Sometimes people just don't vibe with each other and that's okay. Sometimes people are rude and uncommunicative, and again, that's on them, not you. You shouldn't let this stuff get you down or lose hope in ever finding your tribe. It takes time. Sometimes they're right in front of you and you don't really consider them your "kind" of person, until one random conversation/situation you're thrown into with them proves to you that they indeed are! All I am saying is that you have your whoooooooole life ahead of you, and you're going to meet soooooo many people through it, and you WILL meet someone or the other whose weird will match yours. Whether that be irl or online.

Your line of having so much love to give but no one to give it to really resonated with me, coz I've felt that way so many times in my life too. But there is someone who needs it - YOU. Give yourself that love and consideration. Use this time to build a strong sense of self and have an unshakable bond with yourself. Do the things you love and pamper + better yourself in every way that you feel like. Alone does not have to mean lonely, not at all. There's literally so much you can do by yourself, like take classes, volunteer, etc, that will be such an enriching experience to who you are as a person. In time, whenever your people do show up, they'll be a fun bonus. You won't NEED them, but they'll just be a wholesome addition to your grounded little life that centers all around yourself.

Sending you lots of love 🤗🤗🤗💖💖💖

[sparkliingdust]

I went on a date that a friend set me up with, and it was disastrous. Long story short, he was a MAGA Supporter disguised as a musical theater/fandom/movie/etc. nerd.

And, what I learned is always follow your gut - a bunch of side shit that made the date super awkward and made me question meeting up might not be a good idea, but I went through with it anyways... Instead of listening to the yick factor, I ended up wasting my time, energy, and money. And he ended up being a dickhead and the food wasn't even good.

While I don't blame my family or co-workers who supported me going on a date and want to see me do more than go to work and go to home, if someone is actively expressing something greater than nervousness about going on a date, and are talking about how they dread being in a relationship all the way to their core, maybe respect that that they truly do not want to go on a date. My family and co-workers were 1000x more excited for me to go on a date and felt like I was making a life-altering mistake. That's not normal. lol

As someone who sees themselves as single for now, and the near future, please respect our choice to be single or on our own. I get lonely. I imagine being in a relationship. I'm open for the right person to come along, but at the same time, I know what I want, and I'm okay with not going through the whole humiliating dating process to get to that other person. Like I'm confident enough to not beat myself up over wandering 'what if I never end up with someone?' because I'm really okay with being on my own.

It's also very frustrating for women at work who are not happy with their partners and constantly tell me not to have kids because they are not happy with their family, to constantly ask me about why I don't see myself with kids, when am I going to go out on a date, aren't I lonely....not really, until you keep making me feel awful about it. There was a time when I was teenager when it was all that I imagined. I really wanted to have a traditional hetero marriage and be the mom I never had and had the family I never did - and RECORD SCRATCH - one day I realized that's exactly what my mom did. She wished to have kids to have the family she never did. And once I realized I only wanted to be a mom if it didn't mean continuing that generational cycle, I decided maybe that wasn't for me. Again, it could be some day. But if I get to that place, it will be my choice - not because co-workers think it's a good idea for me.

I've heard the horror stories from everyone around me settling for someone they don't enjoy spending life with and/or going through the humiliating process of hunting down the right person to be with..and honestly, I want to do other things with my time.... and if I can be that person that I want to spend my life with and do it without a central companion that's not a dog/cat/fish/etc, why shouldn't I be able to??

When I see people doing something by themselves for the first time, and never knew that was possible for them, it makes me kinda sad. Because of the messaging that's out there. Going to the movies, to a wine and paint class, to a museum, to the park, to the coffee shop, to a restaurant, etc. by yourself is okay. You are just trying to enjoy your own company before, or if you ever, decide to pair up with someone.

People just need to respect that shit.

[sailxrmxrs]

hello it is i, your resident fantasy au enjoyer anna reporting in with yet another fantasy fic. giving rory the fantasy au treatment bc the beloved boy deserves the beloved au hehe. filled with some of my favourite tropes too bc i've been reading a lot of books to fuel the brainrot. i am suffering (in a good way). for today's instalment of the fantasy aus, mc and rory are informants working undercover for the queen in search of a rebel faction. very important very exciting. oh and part of the whole undercover thing is they're pretending to be married. everything they do is fake and pretend. no real feelings whatsoever. simply a falsified display as part of their cover story. nothing else at all. lmao kidding they're madly in love but won't admit it. secretly pining but also definitely not pining. only the most delicious brainrot being served here. enjoy. also a note that there's some mild violence/injury towards the end but nothing too wild.

A hum of jovial energy filled the crowded tavern, its dark oak tables crowded with patrons and piled high with empty tankards. There was no shortage of celebration that night, the townsfolk spending their hard-earned coin on whatever ales and meads the tavern staff had to offer. The booming shouts and cheers of the rowdier patrons, along with the thrum of general chatter from the more reserved of tables provided the perfect cover to divulge one's secrets; cautious whispers were nothing in their wake. And who would ever suspect the quiet couple sitting in the corner, nursing their drinks as they intertwined hands across the tabletops. Who could ever assume that those glazed eyes and withdrawn smiles were anything other than the expected behaviour of newlyweds drowning in the other's presence, entirely numb to the world around them. Surely such an unsuspecting pair could never be working undercover for the queen with directives to root out a faction of rebels seeking to overthrow her reign. Yes, as much as you hated to admit it, pretending to be freshly married to your colleague had proved to be the perfect cover story. Where before someone might suspect the lone ranger shrouded in the shadows of their cloak, no one paid a second look to the couple with stars in their eyes nor did they doubt their intentions. If only you had been assigned the task with a more agreeable person.

Rory was not the worst of your potential partners for such a mission. Of the other informants of the castle, Rory was one of the best at his job but his hamartia was his disagreeable personality. He was all stern looks and entirely too serious. For most, there was a time and place to let your guard down or shed the hyper-awareness that being an informant entailed. Not for Rory. Even in the privacy of your company he remained as high strung as ever. Still, despite his hardened exterior you would happily accept Rory over some of the less pleasant options. Especially given the fact he'd proved himself to be exceptional in the role of doting husband. Even tucked away in the corner of the busy tavern, his hand was wrapped in his. He hadn't paused the gentle back-and-forth of his thumb against the back of your hand since arriving. It had taken some getting used to the way his movements synced with yours, mirroring every step with expert ease. Now the tender touches felt almost like second nature. Almost. You were treading a fine line here, precariously walking atop a wire looming over a deep abyssal pit. Getting too comfortable here would only end in the coldest of pains when the job was done and you returned to the castle and continued as normal. There was no doubt that once you'd finished receiving ample information and had reported to your superiors that Rory would go back to acting as he'd always done—as though you didn't exist. It wasn't anything personal. That was just how Rory was. He'd explained one night that he simply didn't care for upholding relationships when his job meant that he was putting his life on the line with every excursion beyond the castle grounds.

While his reasons were understandable, it didn't make Rory's apparent disdain for casual conversation any less vexing. When you'd tried to spend a few minutes savouring the plate of hot food before you, Rory had instead leapt straight into strategy discussions, admonishing you for your lack of concentration. He'd grumbled to himself when you quipped back that you were focusing perfectly fine on monitoring the comes and goings of tavern patrons. Rory quietened on the matter, opting to trust that you weren't letting yourself grow complacent even in the seemingly uneventful night that descended upon the tavern. Nothing seemed out of place nor concerning, though that was no excuse to let your guard down.

"Everything seems clear tonight. Tomorrow we should make our move for the next town over," Rory instructed as his eyes focused on you, a perfectly composed smile on his face—it looked as though it came as naturally to him as breathing.

"Works for me. Although I believe the morning market could be a veritable source of information. We might be able to find a lead or two if we're lucky."

"I suppose replenishing a few supplies couldn't hurt either," Rory replied. He let his gaze flicker to the tavern door every so often, each look only lasting a split second before he returned his attention to you.

Looking over the drained remnants of your tankard, you let out a yawn. "Should we perhaps retire to our room for the night? We'll need to be up and out around sunrise if we want to do one last scope of the area." Rory nodded in agreement, stepping out from the booth and reaching for your hand to help you up. He guided you through the crowd, a protective touch on your waist that tightened whenever someone edged closer. He truly pulled off his role excellently. Almost a little too well. If you didn't know better, you'd be beginning to suspect that this was all practiced behaviour with a loved one back at the castle. Still, wherever he learnt it didn't matter, just the fact that he was convincing enough to everyone around the both of you. By the time you returned to your shared room, sleep was lurking ever closer. So close, in fact, that you barely even registered each beat of movement that led you into the bed, Rory following close behind. Part of the pretence of being married meant being confined to the same room and same bed, though traveling together had left you both desensitised to it all. Still, it didn't make you any less flustered waking up to Rory's nose a hair's breadth away from yours. Luckily he always rose after you, giving you a precious few moments alone to compose yourself. Appearing anything less than composed would no doubt earn a scathing remark from Rory.

Morning arrived in what felt like no time at all, the sun peeking over the rolling hills of the horizon. Sunlight poured over your skin, gently warming it in the morning chill that struck in those early hours. The town streets were mostly quiet save for the early risers setting up their stalls before the bustling marketgoers arrived. Rory was surveying one half of the town while you searched the other for anything out of place or anyone that arose suspicion. So far all seemed to be in order, although there was no telling who might show their faces when the streets were bustling with people, believing that the crowds could hide their nefarious intentions. Upon reuniting with Rory, he shared his own lack of activity outside of the expected. It was then, as Rory detailed the plan for the day, that you recognised a face across the market square. It was undeniably the exact man who'd disappeared from the castle grounds just two weeks ago without a trace save for the correspondences to an unnamed individual sitting in the ashy remnants of his fireplace. Most of it was indecipherable, fire having burned away the words but there had been one singular letter that remained unscathed enough to arouse suspicion. And seeing him in this part of the kingdom only incriminated him further.

"No sudden movements. But I just found us our biggest lead yet," you informed Rory, as he slowly turned his head to follow your line of sight. Recognition settled over his features, alarming concern creasing his forehead.

"If we're recognised we're as good as dead. We find higher ground and keep eyes on him at all times. Wait until there's more people around before tailing him. Crowds make the perfect cover."

"Then we better move and move fast. He's turning this way." Urgency rang in your voice, eyes searching for the most conspicuous way out.

"You trust me?" Rory whispered, offering no other context.

Slightly bewildered by the sudden question, you faltered for a moment before answering. "Well, yes. But I don't see what—" And then Rory's hand was on your waist, the other cradling your chin as he leaned so incredibly close. His breath was warm on your cheek, though that could have easily been your face burning under the close proximity. Then his lips were ghosting over your jaw, the frame of his body concealing your from any onlookers. If anyone spared a glance all they would see was an amorous display between unidentifiable lovers. The seconds dragged like hours, your heart pounding so hard in your chest that you feared Rory might be able to feel it. Of all the pretences you'd put on together, this was by far the most daring. He hadn't gone further than a tight grip on your waist or the press of a kiss to your temple. His lips were barely touching your skin and yet you could feel electricity striking your skin for every moment he lingered. Not to mention the way his hands held you firmly in place. It was all so dizzying you were dangerously close to forgetting exactly what your mission here was.

"Coast clear?" He asked, every whispered word brushing your ear with a delicate softness that almost made you forget who you were.

With a nervous clear of your throat, you managed to look past Rory's shoulder to find your target with his back to you once more. "We're safe."

There was roughly another hour before the marketplace would open to its customers, meaning there was an hour of waiting before you and Rory could set your plan into motion. After the close encounter, the two of you had separated from the other's embrace just enough to move out of the square and into a quiet alley. From there, you'd made your way to the rooftops, using a thick stone chimney to keep hidden from sight. It wasn't difficult to keep an eye on your target, his own movements clearly purposeful so as to blend in with the other market stall owners. Anything that made your job easier was a welcomed turn of events. That was, until Rory decided to strike up conversation, clearly deciding the threat level was low enough to break the deafening silence.

"You've been oddly quiet all morning. What's going on in that head of yours?" The question felt more like an accusation—a weighted statement so as to draw out every thought that swam in your mind.

"Normally you're complaining I talk too much and now I'm too quiet. What do you want from me, Rory?" Your reply sounded less relaxed than you'd intended, residual nerves shaking your voice a fraction.

"You're avoiding the question." He folded his arms, stubborn to a fault as he stared you down. "Ever since we saw... Wait, this isn't because of what I did earlier is it?"

You felt your cheeks begin to heat and could only pray they didn't betray you. "What? No! I'm just focusing. Much like you should be too."

"Don't think I don't know you well enough now to not know when you're lying. I would've told you what I was doing if time was on our side but it was either I act fast or we get ourselves caught. Still, sorry about that."

You blinked, noting the rise of colour that seemed to appear on Rory's cheeks. It was faint, but you could've sworn it was there. "It's fine. You did what anyone should have done in the moment so don't apologise. Just took me a little off guard is all."

Rory relaxed a little, grateful he hadn't crossed a line or backed you into a corner you weren't willing to tread. Then, a rare smile grew as he tested just how far he could push you. "Don't tell me you got nervous. One of our finest informants and fighters in the branch and you got a little nervous over your partner getting too close? Thought you were stronger than that."

"Brave words from a man who was just blushing as he apologised. Really changed your tune there, didn't you? Still, it's of no matter to me. Think whatever you'd like to get yourself through the day."

"What I'm hearing here is that you wouldn't have reacted at all if I'd kissed you?"

You glared back at Rory's testing smile, hating the way your stomach twisted. You knew you had to choose your next words carefully, the thought of being caught lying already bruising your ego. "Who knows. Not like you had the gall to do it anyway."

"Oh? Is that a challenge? Or perhaps an invitation?" Rory edged closer, running a finger along your jawline before taking your chin in his hold and angling your face so that you couldn't avoid meeting his gaze. No words were spoken, just heated stares as though you were waiting for the other to crack first.

"Neither. It's a 'we better move or else we lose our lead'," you uttered, hand moving Rory's face so that he could see your target weaving through the crowd. Rory cursed, leaping up and into action. This was the first time you'd seen him taken by surprise and if you weren't in pursuit of a traitor to the crown, you'd be taking great joy in that fact. Weaving through the side streets, uneven bricks beneath your feet slowing your pursuit, Rory called an instruction from just ahead.

"We split up here. You continue on and I'll take a left down here. We surround him and wait for his contact to show up. Out of sight unless absolutely necessary."

"Sounds like a plan. Don't get yourself caught, beloved husband." Rory did little more than roll his eyes before running off down a side street, leaving you to continue down the cobblestones in the direction of your target. The road led to a series of seemingly abandoned buildings. Infrastructure was beginning to crumble in places, its inhabitants long gone for an undeterminable amount of time. There were no visitors to this side of town—the ideal place to rendezvous with one's conspirators. From the shadows, you had a clear sight of the man you'd been pursuing. He was speaking with someone you did not recognise, their face shrouded in shadow from the hood atop their head. Whoever this person was, they were doing little to conceal their desire to remain anonymous to any onlookers. Curious suspicion grew in the pit of your stomach, aching to edge closer so as to be in earshot but even one step forward could lead to being discovered. Across the way, you caught sight of Rory hiding from his own shadowed vantage point. He was closer to the suspicious characters and, hopefully, able to garner some useful information in the process.

As you crouched in the shadows, attention honed in on your target, you missed the person quietly approaching you from behind until it was far too late. When you heard their footsteps and twisted, dagger in hand, they were already upon you. The hilt of their own dagger collided with your chin, throwing you off your balance and striking the alarm of your targets. Shouts sounded along with heavy footsteps, no doubt your biggest lead making his escape. But that was not your greatest concern right now. What mattered more was finding your footing and fighting off your assailant.

"Didn't anyone teach you it's rude to eavesdrop? Suppose I'll have to be the one to do it then," he threatened, a sinister smile growing as he crept closer. He had the advantage of preparation on his side, but you weren't going to go down that easily. Your opponent was strong but you were quick, able to dodge his heavy handed attacks and strike any opening in his stance. Whoever he was, his grasp of strategy was weak, leaving far too many openings for you to kick and slash. That was, until you went for another opening only for his thick boots to strike your stomach and sending you crashing to the ground, winded from the attack. He loomed over your body, preparing to go for the kill with an arm raised until a throwing knife struck his wrist perfectly. Before you could dwell longer on the matter, you rolled to your feet. Rory was at your side in seconds and matching your stance.

"Took you long enough. Did our culprit run off?"

Rory chuckled, the sound devoid of any genuine humour. "He tried. Didn't get very far. Looks like you didn't do much beside almost get yourself killed."

"I had the situation under control, thank you very much."

"Sure you did. Were you just taking a nap on the ground then?"

You glared at him before lunging to deal with your attacker. You made quick work of him, his movements having slowed greatly thanks to Rory's expert aim. "You know I could just as easily throw this at your face to shut you up."

"Don't threaten me with a good time, beloved."

Once you'd taken care of your attacker and quiet settled over the scene once more, your pulse finally returned to normal. A series of aches ailed you, though none were cause for concern. It was nothing some rest wouldn't fix up. Whenever you had the freedom to rest, that was.

"You okay?" Rory's voice dropped lower as he came to stand in front of you, carefully inspecting you for any serious injuries.

"All good."

He raised an eyebrow, not fully trusting you were being completely honest with him. "This isn't one of those 'I'm going to be stoic and pretend I'm fine and then later I try and tend to my very much not fine injury' moments is it?"

"First of all, mildly offended. You're not entirely wrong, but I'm still mad about it. And second, no this is not one of those moments. Just a little tender in places. I can walk it off." Rory contemplated his next move as his eyes dragged up and down your frame.

"I swear if you even think about carrying me anyway I won't hesitate to cut the first appendage I can reach."

He raised his hands in innocent defeat. "Consider my thoughts blank, no carrying considered. Anymore."

With a roll of your eyes, you made to walk away until Rory's hand grasped your wrist. There was an earnest look in his eyes that you'd never seen from him before. He didn't speak for a moment, glancing at his feet before meeting your gaze once more.

"I'm glad you're okay. You worried me there for a moment." Sincerity laced every word he uttered, so quiet and heartfelt and only for your ears.

"Don't worry, you won't be left partnerless just yet." You tried to lighten the heavy atmosphere that had descended but Rory's expression didn't change. You'd seen him look serious, of course, but this was something else entirely. It was like a layer had been stripped back, shedding the wall he presented to the world and revealing another version of himself. One that allowed his weaknesses to be presented on full display. One that deeply trusted his company so much as to bear his every worry and burden without fear. It struck you to your very core, keeping you rooted in place and barely able to breathe let alone move.

"Good. How could I play the role of doting husband if you got yourself killed?" A gentle smile breached the final crack in his walls and let what remained of that outer shell come crashing down. A hand reached to cup your cheek, every callous and scar that marred his palm decorating the sensation of his gentle touch.

"I'm sure you'd figure out a way. Not that you'll need to just yet."

"Yet? I hope you're not planning for some martyr-like sacrifice. It would be unbecoming of you." Rory brushed a stray strand of hair from your face, smiling to himself as he no doubt felt the way your skin heated with the featherlike touch of his fingertips.

"We'll see." The words were so quiet, barely audible to either of you if not for the pindrop silence that had settled. There was no tearing your eyes away from Rory's, feeling yourself stumbling into the vast green that gazed back. This certainly wasn't the behaviour of two individuals pretending to be married. Not when the nearest person was far beyond the winding streets of the bustling market town. There wasn't a single soul to witness the display, and yet that didn't stop either of you from remaining there, both unable to tear yourselves away. Perhaps that would be the smartest thing to do. Feelings were messy; they got in the way and complicated matters to an incomprehensible degree. But maybe, just once, you could give in to the magnetic pull that reached into your heart and tugged. Just once wouldn't hurt, would it?

Clearing your throat, you tried to pour even an ounce of conviction into your voice. "What's the plan now? Find our man and get some information?"

"You're the boss. But first, there's another, more pressing matter to attend to." Rory didn't bother to offer any verbal clarification when your eyebrows knitted in confusion. Instead, he twined his fingers with yours, pulling you closer until his face was mere centimetres from yours. Every breath and blink felt like an eternity until that painfully small gap finally closed. Rory's lips was soft, tentative as they explored new territory. There was no going back from this but you didn't care. Maybe you should walk away and preserve what little remained of your self-restraint. Maybe you should continue letting yourself believe this was all for the sake of your cover. Or maybe you could enjoy it just a little while longer, believing the lie that every action leading up to this moment had been faked when every part of your soul said otherwise. Though nothing felt more real than this very point in time, Rory's gentle touch the only thing keeping you on the ground.

"Tell me what you're thinking," he whispered as his thumbs brushed the backs of your hands.

You shook your head, knowing there was no way you could even begin to string the tangled mess of emotions into coherent sentences for him. Another fleeting touch of a kiss was all you could offer before breathing in a deep sigh. "Words aren't quite enough to explain it. That, or I'm just a little too distracted to think of them right now."

Rory laughed, a beautiful sound that caressed your ears with each lilting cadence. "I think that's a first for you. Being rendered speechless, I mean. Cute."

You pulled your hands from Rory's and glared, only making him laugh harder. "Make fun all you want. I'm not the one making moves while on the job."

"Isn't that what this whole job has been? Me making moves and pretending I don't enjoy it as much as I do?" To say that was a loaded comment was an understatement. And it was one you could dwell on later under the cover of night where Rory would be none the wiser to your seemingly permanent flustered state of being.

"Ignoring that for now. We have actual work to do. Lead the way before I make you."

"Is that supposed to be a threat? Or a promise?"

[traumasurvivorshelpingsurvivors]

hi, hope all is well, please call me ruby. i apologize in advance if this ask is a little hard to follow because honestly all these thoughts are a byproduct of a multitude of my anxieties. i'm really sorry for the long post. tw's; csa, cocsa, downplaying possible trauma?, hypersexuality, body image issues, low self esteem, overthinking, some anxiety about the future. i'm looking for advice and reassurance.

i'll start off by the fact that for as much as i can remember, my elder cousin starting sa'ing me from a very young age. i remember him teaching me this seemingly weird form of masturbation and as a kid, i wasn't sure what to think of it. when i was around 12-15, it escalated a bit more. touching me where he wasn't supposed to, etc. i remember waking up to him touching me. i knew that it felt wrong, but i didn't know what to think of it. i felt so confused.

he almost raped me once. at this point, i knew that i did not like what was happening, but i still feel today that some part of me feels i liked it. what other explanation could i come up with for letting him do it to me for years? from then on, i vaguely remember resisting all advances. i dreaded going to his house, dreaded him coming home, dreaded when my parents would ask me to run errands with him. i would push him away every time he tried to pull me by the hand to touch me on the stairs.

but he's my first cousin. i'm a single child. both my parents and my grandmother are very fond of him, & he's pretty much the pride of my family. nobody knows about this. i don't know if i'll ever be able to tell anyone about it. there is no evidence. all i had was an explicit text message which he deleted. the catch here is that when we'd gone on a trip together, he'd also sa'd his younger sister. i don't know if he's gone beyond that in the past few years, her and i don't talk about it nor bring it up. i'm assuming my aunt & uncle don't know about it. i often think about asking her about it, the possibility of exposing him, but it's so scary. i often overthink enough to picture a scenario where instead of helping me, the sister turns on me & all of a sudden i'll ruin my family.

i honestly think that im not traumatized at all. i probably enjoyed it, led him on until i didn't, and i'm completely fine. but i have doubts about this. i have trouble sleeping, and i'm very fucking ashamed of the fact that i'm hypersexual with myself, but in public i portray myself as someone with a sex repulsion, which although i do have to an extent, feels contradictory to me and i hate it. i'm obese & have 2 autoimmune diseases, i already hate how my body looks and my cousin has only made it worse.

my grandma's almost 78. i think, that maybe, for whatever time i have left with her, it's better that she doesn't know what her grandson did. the thought of having my family know what my cousin did & having to live with that knowledge for the rest of their lives, is something that i have mixed feelings about. i hear of so many stories where people are falsely accused of SA w/o any proof and their lives get ruined. i feel that if i ever came out about the SA, it would be a similar situation where i'd have no proof and then god knows how things would be. for all i know i'd be labelled as someone who destroyed someone's life and reputation, but in hindsight that happens with a lot of victims. i'd burden my parents & ruin their great relationship w him. i'm supposed to treasure my cousins, being a single child. but i can't. now, him and i act like it never happened. from an outsider's perspective, we get along very well. but deep down i can't care about him. even when we got the news that he was once hospitalized, i found myself thinking 'good. i hope something worse happens' & i don't know how to feel about it. i was a lonely child, and i'm only coming to realize that my parents did not have a healthy relationship like i thought they did, and there were periods where my they couldn't be the best parents to me. so i always longed for a sibling. all my cousins and friends had siblings. i'd always asked my mom for one. now i realize why i never had one, going back to my parents' relationship plus the fact that i was born premature and i'm lucky to be here today. my mom had health problems and was told that all babies she had would turn out like me and probably not survive. additionally, she didn't have the best relationship with her own brother, and didn't want me to go through the same. yet, she's told me that when she looks at all my other cousins, she'd wished she'd have given me the experience of a sibling too.

today i'm 19, i'm grateful for being a single child, and given so many opportunities that a sibling would not get. but one of my worst fears is that when my parents are gone, i'll only have myself, whereas siblings w healthy relationships ( which includes almost all my friends ) will have each other. i don't even share great relations with my own cousins, not sure if i can. my friends don't seem to understand this fear. i'm scared for the future, and so many other things. if my sheltered self will be able to survive without the coddling of my parents. if someday the truth about my cousin randomly comes out and it shatters me. im doing fine living with the experience, but i don't know how it'll affect me in the future. this just increases me thinking that i'm fine and not a 'real victim'.

again, i apologize for the long post, i tried my best to express how i felt. thank you so much for this safe space.

Hi ruby,

I'm so sorry about what you've been through. Please remember that you were a child so you couldn't have consented even if you say you somewhat enjoyed it. It's common for children to not fully grasp the gravity of the situation due to their cognitive development and therefore may enjoy it, however that's not an excuse for the abuse and it's something that abusers take advantage of. It's natural for things to feel good even if you do not consent to it, but your pleasure doesn't override your lack of consent.

Please know that it's up to you whether or not you tell your family what happened, and it's not your fault if it causes division in the family. Even if people don't believe you, you know what happened was true at the end of the day, so it's way different from making false accusations and tarnishing reputations - your cousin tarnished his own reputation by doing what he did to you and his sister.

If you can access or afford it, I strongly encourage you to speak to a mental health professional such as a therapist who can help you process these experiences and develop some healthy coping skills that you can take with you along your healing journey. If anyone has any comments or suggestions, feel free to add on. Otherwise, I hope I could help, and please let us know if you need anything.

-Bun

[danganronpasurvivoraskblog]

Rpg Anon: Funny enough, mod, just like the hinazumi fanchildren, Shiva and Parvati also had 2 sons and a daughter. (They actually had a questionable more but I had to get the obvious two sons and the most "iconic" daughter). So i guess i can give their children their Personas, too.

Genjitsu: Kartikeya (It's debated whether he's the elder brother but whatever). Both are supposedly Mr. Perfect, natural born brave intelligent leaders, and I assume idealistic and philosophical people. I also assume Hajime is gonna teach Genji lots of martial arts too and Kartikeya was a god of war and had great martial skills. And according to smt, he's not afraid to tell everyone that his mom is weird and he's scared of her so maybe that goes in line with Genji's assertiveness and not mincing words. Not sure what about Genji is close to having a spear and riding on a peacock tho.

Akihiro: Ganesha. This one might be a super stretch but whatever. First, Ganesha has two to three wives (the story behind that is weird so let's not get into that) and so I guess Aki's womanizing personality might stem from that. You could also say that Ganesha was one to spread love everywhere so that could also be part of his womanizing stuff. In addition, Ganesha was a bit indulgent when it came to food, especially sweets, and so I guess I can say Aki likes to indulge in flirting too. Second, you said that Aki is tolerant to others' quirks and faults. Well, Ganesha's big elephant ears are symbolic of listening to others and Ganesha was a patient and humble person. And third, I felt that Akihiro should have Ganesha for introspective and reflective purposes. You said Aki had fears of the future and the unknown and other insecurities. What better Persona to have than the God of Inner Happiness, Endurance, Responsibility, Enjoying Life, and most importantly, Removing Obstacles, or in other words Overcoming Hardships. Aki is NOT like Ganesha yet, but Ganesha will represent his growth as a person.

Sayu: Ashoka Sundari. Ok first of all, not much can be said about Ashoka: Parvati felt lonely, she wished on a tree for a daughter, and Ashoka was born. I wouldn't say Ashoka is a damsel in distress, she's more like someone just went along with destiny. Trust me, it's not very unique or important now. There is only ONE thing I can relate Sayu and it is a hilarious jab at Sayu. Parvati once cursed Ashoka to be fused with a bag of salt and while she eventually got better, it became associated with her. You said that Sayu has a mean competitive streak and hates losing and has a short temper. I guess you can say Ashoka and Sayu are both very "salty" people.

If you have any better ideas, mod, tell me.

//Honestly, that's pretty amazing. I didn't know any of this, and it's amazing how much it fits.

//Genji's connections to Kartikeya are amazing and basically spot on, and the part about admitting that his mum is scary makes me laugh (because it's true for both of them)

//Aki being Ganesha is funny to me because the only source I have with Ganesha as a figure is in Persona 5 where (unless I'm misremembering) it takes the form of a really fat elephant with one eye, and I think that's funny.

//And yeah, Sayu works well too. One thing I forgot to mention in my initial breakdown of the kids as characters is that BY FAR compared to her two older brothers, Sayu is the one who inherits Hajime and Mahiru's shared "tsundere-energy" the most. So do with that what you will.

-Mod

[pastorsperspective]

"Bah, HUMBUG!"

Happy Friday! Sundays sermon was titled, "Bah, HUMBUG!". The scripture was from Isaiah 9:2-6. If you missed it, you can listen to the message here: https://fb.watch/oO_qfcOxQG/ Skip to the 40 minute mark to go straight to the sermon.

It's not a new subject, or a new message. I have no questions about the message and none were submitted. "It's the most wonderful time of the year" and yet the same feelings of "Scroogeness" persist. Christmas isn't magical for everyone. Christmas can be very difficult for some people for a multitude of reasons and I think we deserve to acknowledge that. Scrooge lived alone. He was older, portrayed as bitter, selfish, miserly... What if he was just lonely and overwhelmed by all the expectations of the world? HE didn't have money troubles and could have easily been very generous. So, there's one thing he had going for him that many don't this time of year.

Fourteen years ago I read my favorite thing that I have ever read on the topic of Christmas, ever. It's by christian radio personality and author Brant Hansen. Whos books Unoffendable, The Truth About Us, The Men We Need, and Blessed Are The Misfits, I highly recommend. (New book: Life is Hard, God is Good, Let's Dance - releasing January 16th) It's from his blog: Brant's Blog of Awesomeness: The Krusty Sage. As someone who has always struggled with Christmas and the commercialism aspect and the overwhelming push to make all things "magical", I'm going to share it with you now. It's probably going to step on your toes...

The Krusty Sage Says, "Quit Buying Stuff You Can't Afford for Christmas"

(Once again, a warning about the Krusty sage: He's krusty. That means he's pretty opinionated. He plans no offense to anyone in particular, and has no one in particular in mind. If you're offended, please feel free to let me know, and I'll pass it along. He's usually easy for me to find.)

"Oh, but it's Christmas! It's a special time of the year! I know, we're in debt, overall, but it's Christmas, and that's only once a year and..."

"And..." you're nuts. Seriously.

The Sage says it in love. The Sage also says, in love, that if you spend $150 on your kid for Christmas when you don't have $150, you're not only giving your kid a neat-o Nano, you're giving your kid a gift that keeps on giving: The gift of foolishness, surrounded by beautiful lights, the scent of pine, and fudge. The gift of foolishness, on display, etched in memory. Ah.

Yes, Target and Apple and Best Buy don't advertise many $30 gifts, and they've ratcheted up the expectation level for Christmas. But-- last time I checked -- your will remains free. This means you don't have to be a doof.

Yes, your parents may have overspent every year as you grew up. Yes, they may have been Baby Boomers, seeking to atone for parental guilt, for one or another reason. Yes, there may have been stacks of presents under your tree. Yes, you think this is the way Christmas "is supposed to be".

Yes, so what.

Christmas is not "supposed to be" you, buying stuff you don't have money for. Sorry. If you're a dad, and feel bad because you can't spend hundreds on everybody, tell them you don't have the money for it, and you'll still have a great Christmas. If that makes you feel bad, man up. You're being bullied by a bunch of advertising majors.

Gee, you're in debt? How'd that happen? This is a mystery. Someone call a C.S.I. unit. Maybe they can figure out what happened. Maybe they can piece it together.

Or maybe you bought a bunch of stuff that's ultimately worthless. Maybe you should stop it. Maybe Christmas isn't special at all. Maybe it's just the latest excuse to overspend. Gee. Huh. Wow. Gosh. You think?

"Okay, we're in debt, and yeah, we did buy a $1,200 TV, but it's not that simple, because sometimes --"

No, it is that simple. Sorry. Next?

"But everyone at my kids' school gets tons of expensive gifts like 360s and Wiis and stuff and --" Are you in debt? "Well, yes, but it's not that simple, and --"

Nope. It's that simple.

"But it's not realistic to spend only $20 per person in this day and age, and --" Why? "It's just not that simple, and --"

Waah.

If you don't have the money for it, you don't buy it. Don't act like your kid "needs" a Zune, either. It has nothing to do with "needs", or even your kid, really. It has everything to do with you: Your desire to have some kind of "perfect Christmas", your guilt, your insecurities, your conflict-avoidance, your expectations, and you know, just generally... you.

Bottom line: You wish you a merry Christmas.

"But isn't 'Christmas' in the Bible, and --" No.

Sheesh.

The Krusty Sage 12/9/2008 Ancient Wisdom for No One in Particular

Now, the reason I share this is because I grew up in a home (during years spent with parents) that went big for Christmas. Going big for Christmas often meant that there would be utilities cut off in January and beyond. No phone, or heat, or some other necessity like adequate groceries. I always understood the cost of everything and grew to greatly resent the holiday as I found heat a much more pleasant thing to have in northern Illinois than say, that pair of roller skates and the other dozen items that were glittery and supposed to be fun and "magical". Which is, perhaps, why this blog post really spoke to me when I first read it fourteen years ago, why I still read it every year, and why my family and I choose to 'celebrate' Christmas much differently than your average family.

However you choose to celebrate, or not celebrate. Gift give, or not gift give. Keep joy, hope, love, and peace alive and well in your heart and then you still have the true spirit of Christmas with you.

[boldlyvoid]

Million Dollar Man | Chapter Four

18+

summary: Spencer's therapist recommended he branch out and meet new people who don't want to talk about his work... she didn't expect him to sign up for a Sugar Daddy website.

Content warnings: sugar daddy!spencer, age gaps (14 years), daddy kink, blow jobs, kissing, discussion of previous sexual relationships with older men (big age gaps), kink talks, cum play, praise, oral (female receiving), fingering, 69ing... its really dirty i hope i got it all

word count: 3.8k

a/n: updates on Wednesdays and Saturdays

Chapter Four | Masterlist

Waking up beside Spencer is an absolute blessing, he is the most tender and loving man in the whole world and she’s never going to get enough of him. He snuggles so tight, he holds her just right and he’s just big enough that she fits against him like she’s always supposed to have been there.

Her alarm goes off at 10:30 and he doesn’t even budge, she struggles to get out of his grasp to turn it off before he just pulls her right back in.

“I could get used to this,” she coo’s as she relaxes back into his embrace.

He kisses the back of her neck and one of his hands cups her breast. He runs his nose along her skin as he takes it all in, “I can come back every night.”

“Okay,” she smiles at the thought. “Are you coming with me to Brookfield today?”

He hums, “I have something to pick up first but I’ll be back to pick you up.”

“Do you want to meet Craig?” She asks nervously, knowing he knows.

“I’m not sure,” he’s honest. “It’s weird thinking he’s slept with you and he has a thing for my mother.”

“As weird as it was, I don’t regret it, he was really lonely after Patsy died and hadn’t slept with anyone in years,” she explains it again to him, it’s easier than the first time.

“I’m not judging you,” he whispers before kissing her again.

“I know,” she rolls over while still in his grip, pressing her chest against his and kissing him quickly before remembering her own rule, “pretend it’s still dark out.”

He laughs, “was he at least good to you?”

“Are you really asking me if the old man I fucked was good in bed?” She rolls her eyes with a laugh, “it was fine, I was used to just laying there and taking it back then.”

“I’m sorry,” he apologizes for her past experiences knowing he can change them and that she's content with them, “can I make it up to you?”

“It's not my birthday,” she teases him once more.

“Then why are you in your birthday suit?” He kisses her neck as her back arches, giving him the access to do whatever he pleased.

This was her favourite part of sleeping with him, he was handsy and he kissed everywhere. He was so tentative, he was gentile and sensual and she loved him. The way he kissed her body, his hands on her back as she arched, grinding against him as his leg slipped between hers.

“Daddy?” She’s already breathless as she anticipates whatever he’s going to do to her.

He hums, “what baby?”

“Can we try something?” She looks at him with puppy dog eyes, wanting more of him and knowing exactly how to get it.

“What?” He looks from her eyes to her lips and back.

She smirks, “lay back?”

He does as she asks and she makes a quick move to straddle him, reverse cowgirl, and it makes him gasp. He hooks his arms under her legs and pulls her hips towards his face as she grips his cock at the base.

She’s never done this before, excited to finally experience her two favourite things at once, with her favourite person. Taking him in one go down her throat as far as she can, he moans against her thigh as he works his way towards her dripping core.

He pulls her in closer, burying his tongue inside of her as she swirls her tongue around the head of his cock, stroking what doesn’t fit in her mouth. She moans around him as he sucks her clit into his mouth. When he slides a finger into her, she gasps as she runs her tongue along the shaft, “more please, daddy?”

He adds a second finger and curls it with each thrust, she strokes him in time with his fingers rubbing her tongue on the slit, pushing him closer and closer and closer until he’s moaning into her cunt as he finger fucks her relentlessly.

She cums on his face with a quake, her whole body shaking as she sucks one of his balls into her mouth and keeps jerking him. He cums over her hand then, finally releasing her clit from his mouth, they both sigh as they come down from their highs.

She rolls off him, feet on her pillow and hand cupping her own breast as she tries to catch her breath, “yeah, I can get used to waking up next to you.”

—

“Bullshit!”

Y/N reaches for the apparent 3 4’s that Craig dropped in the pile, filling them to see he was indeed truthful and handing them to Diana. “You’re slacking today.”

“I do so much better when I don’t know who he is,” Diana smirks as she takes the cards.

“Speaking of,” she smiles to herself as she looks through her own cards, “your son, Spencer, is coming to see you today.”

“How do you know that?”

“I might be dating Spencer,” she scrunches her face in anticipation of her reaction.

“Really?”

She nods, a smile building on her face as she starts to feel a bit flustered, “yeah, I met him last year and we’ve been friends for a while but it’s getting serious, so I thought I’d tell you.”

She’s quiet as she thinks about it and Y/N’s anxiety goes to full blast, “I’m so sorry.”

“Why?” Diana asks.

“For not telling you and pretending I don’t know him,” she's quick with her response. “He knows we know each other from your notes but we didn’t talk about it until last night, I feel so bad keeping that from you but I've known him the whole time.”

“I was going to introduce you to each other in the hopes you would take care of him, you’re wonderful and he needs someone who he doesn’t have to look after. I’ve thought you would be good for him for quite a while actually,” Diana compliments her with a smile. “Try calling bullshit on that.”

It makes her laugh, leaning over into Diana’s space as she wrapped her arms around Y/N, “well as good as I am to him, he’s even better to me.”

Holding Diana was nice, she missed her moms so much that it was a good substitute until she saw her own again.

“How did you meet?”

Y/N pulls back with a stutter, “uh, well we met online actually and he took me to dinner and we got to talking and we’ve been really good friends for a while, he uh, he’s the reason I’m getting my book published.”

“Really?” She blinks a few times the way Spencer does when he tries to absorb information.

She wasn’t dumb, she knew her son had money and he was a lot older than her and that meeting on the internet isn’t as innocent as it sounds.

“He’s my best friend.”

She smiles again, “that’s the key to a successful relationship.”

Craig was quiet the whole time, staring at his cards and drinking his water while they talked. “For what it’s worth,” he adds, “I think he’s lucky to have you, you’re a good woman.”

Y/N’s so busy looking at Craig with a smile that she doesn’t notice Spencer walk-in or the way Diana gleams at him. He walks up behind her and rests his chin on her shoulder, “Hey, pretty woman.”

She jumps slightly before laughing, he wraps his arms around her and kisses her cheek quickly, “hey mom,” he makes his way from Y/N to Diana.

Hugging her quickly before coming to sit beside Y/N again, he notices Craig too and waves, “nice to meet you as well, sir.”

She analyzes his face as he looks at Craig, worried that he’s going to go full alpha male and start a fight or something crazy like her old boyfriends would. But he smiles and he’s calm, he holds her hand and they play another few rounds of cards and it's like they’ve all been friends for years.

Visiting hours are about to come to an end when Spencer finally brings it up, “how would you feel if I moved to LA for a little while?”

She’s really confused, “are you getting a transfer at work?”

“No, Y/N has a job offer and I’d like to go with her,” he’s honest with his mom, it’s easier than with anyone else. “I’ll travel here whenever you need me, and once a week just to say hello.”

“Or I can finally go back to Vegas,” she says it like she’s been thinking about it for a while. “I miss my friends and my sister, Spencer.”

“And I’m thinking about moving there as well so my pneumonia isn’t as bad this winter,” Craig adds, sitting closer to Diana than before and taking her hand.

Spencer looks very uncomfortable and Y/N can feel it radiating off him, “my moms are also in Vegas, it would be nice for all of you to be close.”

“I think that would be nice,” Spencer agrees, “and then we can just take a short trip to Vegas once a week to visit with you.”

“That would be lovely,” Diana smiles, “even on my bad days I don’t forget who Craig is to me, I know he’s my best friend in here and I’m really glad you’re comfortable with this.”

Spencer smiles, it’s awkward for him to know everything that he knows, and by the way Craig looks at him, he knows Spencer knows.

“Please, just take care of her,” is all Spencer has to say to him. “I’ve already been to prison once.”

“Spencer,” Diana scolds him while trying not to laugh at the absurdity.

“I’m kidding,” he smiles, “I’m happy that you’re happy.”

“It’s only taken us 30 years,” she reaches out a hand for Spencers, “but we did it.”

It’s a beautiful moment that Y/N gets to witness, she holds a hand to her heart as Spencer wraps his arms around his mom. She was doing amazing, she was happy and even happier that Spencer was happy.

“We did it,” Spencer agrees, holding her close, always a mama’s boy at heart.

—

They stop at his apartment on the way home, he needed some things for the next 2 days and his suitcase for this weekend. His apartment was always so dark and cold, the green was beautiful but it was far too sad. It didn’t feel like Spencer, it didn’t have his energy or personality, it was just a few walls and a bunch of books.

She sits on his couch and touches her necklace, remembering when he gave it to her and how she thanked him. He was rummaging around in his room without her, leaving her with time to just think about sucking him off on this couch, being between his legs, the feeling of him in her mouth, knowing she already had him this morning but she still wants him again.

She gets up from her seat and walks into his bedroom, pushing him up against the wall, he’s a little startled but he smirks, “what?”

“Is there a word for ravenous for dick?” She teases.

“Horny,” he responds with a giggle, “ovulating? Frustrated, deprived, desperate... slut.”

“I like the last 2 together.”

“What else do you like?” He whispers as she leans in to brush their noses together, “we’ve never discussed your needs, you’ve always just asked about mine, but this isn’t all about me.”

“It was when you were paying me,” she rationalizes, “I’m pretty basic, I’ll try anything once.”

“But what do you like the most?”

“You,” she’s honest. “How big you are for one, the fact you can just throw me around like a rag doll if you wanted… I like your hands, and your mouth and I like how you talk, I like how sweet you are, I like how we could do the dirtiest fucking things in the whole world with each other. I like that we could do the roughest, kinkiest and most intense scenes and yet I’m completely safe with you.”

He swallows and his Adam's apple bobs right in her view, she can’t help herself from kissing his neck, licking along the pulse point before sucking a deep purple mark into his skin, “what do you like besides me?”

“Praise,” she whispers.

“Good girl.”

“Mild degradation,” she kisses his neck again and starts to unbutton his shirt. “Spanking, raw missionary and messy kisses,” every new thing comes with a kiss as her hands reach down to palm him through his slacks, “pleasing my partner, knowing you get off to me, watching, being watched, belonging to you.”

He takes her chin in his hands and makes her look up at him, “in what sense?”

“Mark me, claim me, breed me,” she whispers and his eyes darken, she swears there is a growl that leaves his throat.

“I want everyone to know I’m yours, show everyone who I belong to, let everyone know only you can please me and show them that no one is better for me than my daddy.”

“You’re evil saying all this knowing I'm not going to fuck you yet,” his voice has never been this low, his eyes are black and the grip he has on her is so tight it makes her gasp.

“You asked,” she smirks, “and if you expect me to be an obedient little submissive, you’re very wrong. "

He gulps and the mood changes very quickly.

"I’m a brat and I’m a switch, and I have more control here than you do.” She tightens her grip around his cock and he whimpers, “that’s what I thought.”

She undoes his button and takes him out, licking her palm while making eye contact with him, she then wraps her hand around him and pumps up and down his shaft. Gathering his precum that’s collected from simply listening to her, his hand on her chin had made its way into her hair and his other grips her hip tighter than ever before.

“I want to fuck all day long,” she whispers, leaning in more and brushing her bottom lip against his, “I want you to come and find me when you’re bored and just bend me over and take me, I want to just sit on your lap while to read and ride you, I want to fall asleep with you deep inside me and wake up full of your cum.”

He tosses his head back against the wall, groaning as she slows her movements. She drags her hand up, squeezing at the head as he thrusts back into her hand, all she can think about is how good it’s going to be when he’s pushing inside of her, not just in her fist.

“Does it feel good, daddy?” She teases him again, “are you thinking about my tight little pussy? Hmm?”

“Gonna cum,” he whispers.

“I don’t think that's how you ask.”

His hips sputter as he fucks her hand, “please, mommy?”

It’s so unexpectedly hot she clenches around nothing, aching for him with how horny she is, she drops to the floor, wrapping her mouth around the head, he cums within seconds. She pumps every last drop onto her tongue before standing and connecting their mouths once more, swapping his cum back into his own mouth, but he doesn’t swallow.

He simply picks her up and tosses her onto the bed, pulling her jeans and panties down and off one leg to expose her dripping pussy. He lifts her hips and spreads her open, running a finger over her clit before spitting his own cum into her.

It’s such a sight, she gasps at the feeling. It’s so hot and wet and then he’s pushing it in with two fingers and fucking them into her. Rubbing her clit at the same time, she cums by surprise, it’s so intense all she can do is grip her breasts and wrap her legs around him for support. She trembles, moaning and whining as he keeps going, curling his fingers just right to rub her g-spot and keep the sensation roaring as long as she lets him.

She lives in the feeling as long as possible before it starts to get to be too much, “okay,” she’s breathless and exhausted, lying there with her eyes closed when he pulls his fingers out of her, falling asleep from how relaxed her whole body is.

—

Spencer was in her bathroom brushing his teeth for the night while she slipped into her PJs.

She felt giddy, like a kid on Christmas Eve, thinking about how exciting tomorrow would be that the prospect of sleeping seemed almost impossible. She couldn’t wait to hold him and snuggle him and feel the way he kisses her shoulder when he rolls over. She loves him so much that sleeping beside him is almost more important to her than anything else they do together.

Because when he sleeps, his guard is down. When he sleeps beside someone, it’s because he’s truly and fully safe with them. He’s told her about all the people he’s slept with, how many of them didn’t stay the night and how many he’s walked out on. She knows he’s not a fan of sleepovers from his childhood and he’s never been in a long-term relationship to even consider sharing a bed with someone before her.

In the beginning, he didn’t want to sleep beside her because he knew he’d catch feelings, she understood and so they bought a pull-out couch for her apartment. He would sleep in her living room and she would lay awake in her bed thinking about how much better it would be if she could cuddle with him until she drifted off to sleep.

She crawls into her bed and watches the bathroom door as she rubs hand lotion into her skin, hoping he actually comes back to her like he promised and doesn’t retreat to the living room. She smiles at him when the door opens and his sight goes right to her wrists as she smoothes the lotion over her skin.

“I forgot to give you your present today,” he gasps and rushes to his suit jacket in the closet.

He comes back to bed with another box, “how much jewellery are you going to buy me?”

“Two more of the gifts are jewellery,” he smiles as he opens the box for her.

It’s a silver bracelet with diamonds and Rubys in a heart shape, like the necklace in pretty woman turned into a bracelet. It’s so pretty she doesn’t know how to react, “you’re crazy, you know that?”

He nods with a smile, “crazy for you.”

“Don’t,” she raises her brows with her pointer finger raised, shushing him. “You know what being all lovey-dovey does to me, and I'm tired.”

It makes him laugh, “I’m just going to leave this on the dresser.”

She takes it from him and stops him from getting up, “no, I’ll just leave it on here, just get into bed, please?” She moves it to her night table and pulls the sheets back so he can get into bed with her. She turns off the lamp on her night table and watches him lay back on his side of the bed.

She snuggles into his chest and places her face in the crook of his neck. Holding him as close as humanly possible, he smells like home and safety.

“I love you so much, Spencer,” she whispers it, feeling very needy and emotional and she has no idea why.

He simply kisses the top of her head while soothing his hand over her back, “I love you just as much, Y/N.”

It was rare for them to use each other's real names, so much of their time together was spent in silence but when it wasn’t, they referred to each other with a long list of different pet names. It made it less personal, it kept their real lives separate and created a world where they just existed with each other.

A world where he wasn’t Spencer Reid with 3 PH.D.s, a drug problem and a sick mother. When he was with her he was just a guy who liked to explore. He was her buddy who took her to museums and concerts, he was her daddy who held her hand when they walked to the park together to play chess, he was her sweetheart on nights when he cried and needed some love.

Tonight he’s just Spencer.

He’s everything he’s been before and nothing like his old self all at the same time. He’s constantly having a breakthrough, he’s broken through ceilings of grief and trauma, grown past the names he’s been called and adjusted to the fact this is how his life is and he's not as evil as he thinks he is.

He’s happy and content. He’s so much different now than how he was when she met him and while he likes to thank her for that, he always had the power to get here. It was a long road to recovery, he just happened upon her on the path and brought her along for the journey and now she’s never going to leave him.

“Are you crying?” He asks, bringing her back to reality to notice that yes, she is indeed crying.

She nods and sniffles, wiping her tears with his t-shirt. “I’m sorry, I’m just tired.”

“Hey,” he pets her hair and waits for her to look up at him. “What do you say when I apologize for crying?”

“Don’t apologize, your feelings are important to feel so you can move past them,” she whispers the mantra her parents raised her on, something that really helped him.

“I'm not crying because I’m hurting,” she whispers. “I’m crying because you’re not anymore.”

“What?”

She realizes it comes out weird, “I’m proud of you, and I’m happy that I get to love you now.”

“How long have you loved me?” There’s a small sadness in his voice like he wishes he could have moved faster for her.

“Since you told me you’d help me get my book published just for going to museums with you,” she whispers, “because you saw me as talented and worthy of greatness and you wanted to help me succeed instead of wanting to pay me to suck your dick in a more legal way.”

“I was in it for a friend,” he’s said it before, “it was easier to pay someone to hang out with me than stumble across someone who would understand me this well.”

“I can’t imagine you just going to a park and striking up conversations with someone,” she laughs, “I think it was just meant to happen like this.”

He sighs, “I’d do it again.”

“What?” She’s too tired and sad to follow his train of thought.

“I’d go through all the pain and trauma again, exactly the same way if it brings me right back here. Right to you.”

She pulls back from his neck and connects her lips to his faster than ever before, kissing him deeply as she cries again.

“I love you,” she whispers against his lips between kisses, he whispers it right back.

Permanent tag list:

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Sugar daddy fic

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some just wont tag no matter what I do, idk why tho

[stellocchia]

Since I really enjoyed yesterday's stream I decided to do one of my overly long analysis on it

So, here's my analysis of (DSMP LORE) Healthy Competition

Dialogues will be color-coded as usual, so here's what I used: Phil, Wilbur, Ranboo

As always I am incapable of brevity, so everything's under the cut

The stream starts with a conversation between Phil and Wilbur in which Wilbur admits that he hasn't been to visit Phil in a while, which makes Phil's later threat about throwing him out feel that much more ridiculous since Wilbur clearly doesn't really live with him either way...

"Alright, it's got one for Phil, one for Ranboo, and one for Techno. Is that all that live here? Just you three?" "Yep, just us three, just chilling"

The only reason why I'm singling this out is that it was right after the mention of Techno's birthday and Wilbur was pointing at the seats occupied by the 4 members of the Syndicate so it feels slightly weird that Niki wasn't mentioned at all. But also it's technically not a lie, she doesn't live there and she only comes around for the Syndicate meetings.

Another thing to add is that Wilbur did notice the chest Ranboo left for him and consciously decided to ignore it.

"I must admit I've come to you with a bit of a- a bit of a proposition. You're into propositions Phil? Are you a bit of a 'propositions' kinda guy?" "Oh, depends, depends. You- you've had some pretty... let- let's just say, uh- not- not a great track record on propositions that you've had in the past" "Alright... I mean, I'm trying to move past that"

I wonder what exactly Phil is referring to here. Because, like, Wilbur did bad things, don't get me wrong, but what's his track record with "propositions" in particular? Because he isn't talking about "Tommy, let's be the bad guys" here since he doesn't know about that. Is he talking about Wilbur founding L'Manburg? But then again, I don't think Wilbur interpreted it that way. I think that, from Wilbur's reaction, he clearly interpreted it as a jab at him exploding L'Manburg (which is the one thing he's trying to move past) which would be extremely hypocritical from Phil since he did the exact same thing but worse.

Also, I really do think that Wilbur is trying to move forward. He's lonely and he has the lowest possible opinion of himself so it doesn't feel weird that he'd want to move on. He isn't putting the work in it right now and he hasn't really changed, but he does seem to want to (though I think he may not know how).

"He [Quackity] didn't seem afraid of me, which is cool. Not many people- I mean you don't seem afraid of me. You aren't afraid of me, are you Phil?" (little look into Wilbur's mind and his fear of isolation once again. And this is fear of isolation, he's worried that other people are afraid of him and therefore are only waiting for him to step out of line so that all their fears would be confirmed)

"'Cause I'm not afraid of you [Phil]" (bold words for someone who spent who knows how long lying to his dad because of a crippling fear of disappointment...)

"Technoblade spent his entire time taking down the establishments, what he left is, as predicted, a power vacuum for a new establishment to come in" (in case it wasn't obvious, Wilbur is not the biggest fan of anarchy. And he actually got this one criticism spot on, indeed all taking down L'Manburg did was getting 4 new governmental-like structures to sprout in its place)

"Phil, I want to make a burger van" *Phil sighs and walks away* (I'm more sure now that Phil really meant "creating L'Manburg" as Wilbur's bad track record with propositions)

Wilbur repeating 4 times that he has no ulterior motive with the burger van managed to make me think the exact opposite. That said that ulterior motive may just be to create a safe little home for himself and Tommy for all we know honestly. Also, the whole thing with Phil trying to convince his grown-ass kid to go play with the neighbor kid and Wilbur throwing a tantrum in response was hilarious...

"If he's [Ranboo] shit you gotta come help me okay? If he's shit you've gotta come be burger boy with me, okay?" (he still is mistrustful to an extreme and pretty childish admittedly)

"Why is he [Phil] treating me like a kid?! Why is he treating me like a little baby?" (remembering how Wilbur treated Fundy I think it may be a family problem)

Another interesting thing to point out is that Wilbur was openly scared of the spider attacking him here, and fights it off, but he doesn't move away from the explosion later on and he didn't move away from the exploding creepers last stream. Other people already made this connection, but I do think it may be a sort of way to punish himself. Specifically, it's brought up later on that he thinks he got off easy for what he did, so he's using what he hurt others with (explosions) to hurt himself now as a sort of punishment for that. Which is another indication of just how much his stay in Limbo didn't help with his mental health.

"Am I being- is this [Ranboo having both cows and wheat] a setup?" (the paranoia never left)

"Ranboo I'm gonna go out on a limb here: do- do you wanna be friends?" "Su-sure yeah, I don't see why not" (I think that at this point it was still just Wilbur following along with what his dad told him to do and trying to find out more about Ranboo. That does seem to change later down the line)

"And then we decided that it [the 'cookie' outpost] was too much trouble so we kinda just left it" (So we have confirmation that the cookie outpost was abandoned)

"We're not gonna annoy Quackity" "That's good" "We can't annoy- we can't annoy him because we're simply put- we're simply put gonna be making...- I got the real estate! He's giving me the area and we're gonna be making a competing business"

Wilbur says this as if he wasn't perfectly aware that this would annoy the sh*t out of Quackity. As if the point of it wasn't exactly to annoy Quackity. Or well, annoying him isn't the end goal, it's just the means to an end. We don't know the actual end goal (though I think Wilbur still wants to either be let into Las Nevadas or actually instate a rivalry between them as he said, one of the two).

"We [he and Quackity] were a part of the same cabinet during New L'Manburg or whatever" "Cabinet?" "Yeah a cabinet is like-" "Was this- was this with Tubbo?" "Yeah yeah" (...) "So you were part of the old L'Manburg? I didn't know that actually, I thought you were a bit of an independent"

Once again: Wilbur is missing A LOT of knowledge. He wasn't aware that New L'Manburg had a cabinet and he wasn't aware that Ranboo was ever part of the country either. He has a lot of misconceptions about what happened during the time he was dead so it really shouldn't be a surprise to anyone that his views on a lot of things are as warped as they are. Wilbur is getting to his conclusions with an incomplete and sometimes wrong set of data.

"Do you dislike anyone Ranboo?" "Not too much I don't think. I mean there are other people I don't, like, agree with what they've done of course, but I think that everyone is just a product of what they've gone through and everything so if you understand that then you understand the person!"

There is nothing inherently wrong with Ranboo's reasoning here. It's true that most people are a result of their environment and, once you understand what they've been through you can understand them better as a person. It's also fine that he personally doesn't want to hold grudges. But that way of thinking isn't applicable to those who have been hurt by others, sure they can reach an understanding, but an understanding of a person doesn't justify shit and doesn't change shit unless that person works towards repairing old broken relationships. It just all sounds like a nice way of thinking about things in theory, but in practice, it just takes away responsibility from those who have wronged others to fix things and moves it to those who have been wronged. (Ranboo isn't advocating for everyone to think that way though, but I know the fandom will).

Either way, they arrive in Las Nevadas and Wilbur talks about how their place doesn't benefit the consumer and puts down 3 signs.

"I've been trying to think of a name for it [his and Tommy's area], I'm thinking about 'Paradise'"

There are two possible reasons for the name that I can think of:

1) It's in reference to Las Nevadas itself and how Las Nevadas is based on Las Vegas, the famous city of sin

2) It could be a reference to Tommy insistently calling Las Nevadas Paradise in the last stream and Wilbur trying to convince him that their place is the true Paradise

Wilbur does decide to make the Burger Van right at the border which really feels like a very obvious provocation. The other thing is that he makes it clear that he wants the van to be red and white which could be a random choice, but really feels like a reference to Tommy (since they are famously his colors) or an imitation of their opposition. Or both considering how much Tommy liked the restaurant of the opposition and the fact that Wilbur is still trying to convince him to stay.

"I'm not very fond of blue" (at this point it's obvious that Wilbur has quite a bit of pent-up animosity against Ghostbur. I wonder if it is because it still feels like people liked the ghost more than him...)

"Like, the Cookie Shop, I don't even know if it was a cookie shop, to begin with, because it was a little... fortified if I'm entirely honest, I realize that now" "Really?" "Yeah did you not see- oh wait- that giant stone structure?" (Ranboo really did fail to realize that the cookie shop was actually a military outpost, huh?)

"See, I like Tubbo. He's strong-headed, he doesn't let people push him around, you know?" (this is both an interesting change in what he thinks of Tubbo if he actually thinks that and further confirmation that Wilbur isn't a fan of people he considers to be 'followers')

"Why do you claim that you're so 'peaceful' and 'neutral' and yet somehow appear in almost every conflict this server's had since I died?" (since I saw people claiming this is manipulation already, just know that it isn't. He's just confused because, admittedly, Ranboo is a confusing guy and Wilbur doesn't really know him at all)

"Ranboo, why did you come to help me?" (...) "And then also I just think, you know... you can, you know- I think- I think you're an alright person, you know? So I wanna- I did kinda wanna get off on a better foot with you then what happened-" "Why?" "Just because I don't really like having the thought that people don't really like me" "Nonononono not the bit about the right foot, the 'why don't you think I'm a bad person'" "Well I mean, I think that you did bad things, but like, I think that you also went through things that made you that way and then I also think that you've changed now (...) but I think that now you've- apparently you've been away long enough that I think that if anyone goes away for that long eventually they'll have a thought about their morality and everything and maybe become a better person because of it"

I know this quote was absurdly long, but it is one of the most interesting conversations of the whole stream and it is really important and it tells us quite a bit as well. For one thing Wilbur was left quite emotional from someone simply admitting that he's an "alright person" and that they think he's capable of changing and this does bring him to open up to Ranboo right after. What Ranboo says to be exact is that anyone would have changed after going through what Wilbur went through and that change could be positive and while I completely disagree with it, it's clearly something that Wilbur needed to hear.

Now as to why I disagree with the notion that 13 years of semi-complete isolation could change anyone for the better should be rather obvious. But if it isn't, well, that's torture to put it simply. Psychological torture. Just like abuse it's one of those things that only cause trauma and a worsening mental health state and we see this with Wilbur because he didn't change, he only became more self-deprecating. Hurting someone doesn't make them become a better person all of a sudden, that's really not how it works. Hurting someone makes them become more traumatized.

"I think I scare people" ( as I said, immediately opening up about his insecurities)

"I think that a lot of people share your idea, but they share your idea in trying to- trying to keep me from hurting them" (for a bit here Wilbur talks about how he feels like everyone else is just waiting for him to step a foot out of line, which does really show that he's still interpreting all his interactions with people through the lens of his paranoia and self-deprecation, because no one is really interacting with him with that objective in mind)

"Dream's had his comeuppance and I've not" (this seems to be the crux of Wilbur's insecurity. This idea that he got off scot-free for his crimes, the idea that the only difference between him and Dream is the punishment that's been bestowed upon them which, of course, is wrong, but he doesn't know this, because he doesn't actually know why Dream's in prison)

"I've been investing into the wrong areas Ranboo, I've been investing into the wrong people" (This is either a reference to Tommy, to Phil, to Quackity, or to all of them)

"We're kindred man, we get each other" (the reason why he thinks that is because he seems to think that Ranboo has a similar type of paranoia to what Wilbur experience himself and he's not entirely wrong. Ranboo is deathly afraid of conflict and of being disliked so much so that he never stands up for anything in fear of angering others)

Little definition of "neuroticism" for you all since Wilbur kept mentioning it: neuroticism, one of the Big 5 personality traits, is typically defined as a tendency toward anxiety, depression, self-doubt, and other negative feelings.

I'd say it's quite fitting for both characters...

"I feel like life dealt us the same cards and the difference is that you built your trust by showing people your cards whilst I- I keep them close to my chest and I feel like that may be the big difference" (I felt like this was interesting. Especially knowing how much Ranboo actually doesn't share and how much he actually also keeps close to his chest)

They talk about tubbo in general for a bit and about what's been going on the server in general. Ranboo also that he's part of both Snowchester and the arctic commune (mostly the latter though).

"This has been chill, this has been good, I'm excited to show Tommy. What's your opinion on Tommy?" "Oh, he's- he's great. Tommy's awesome" "I agree I agree" "Definitely gone through a lot but I think that it's made him a good person" "Well you seem to think that everyone going through something at least gives them some merit you said" "I mean, yeah. I mean if- if no one- the only really bad people are the ones who are just evil because- just because and they don't have any reason why"

Included the whole thing here because if I stopped at Ranboo saying that Tommy going through trauma is what made him a good person it would have sounded really bad. As things are I think that that was just poor wording on his part and that this mostly goes back to the mentality he expressed before about how people sometimes do bad things because of the environment they're in pushing them and this idea he seems to have that actual hardships (like 13 years in Limbo or whatever he knows about what Tommy has been through) can encourage people to be better which is... sort of naive honestly. Again, trauma isn't a catalyst for the betterment of a person, and any improvement Tommy has made came from his self-reflection, not what he's been through.

After they're done with the van Wilbur brings Ranboo to their competing establishment and asks him to smash the windows, which Ranboo does with no hesitation whatsoever. After that Wilbur proceeds to place down one single block of TNT in a corner and Ranboo starts being a little more hesitant.

"You trust me right?" (I feel like that was a trick question considering how their common paranoia is the thing that Wilbur praised in Ranboo before)

Wilbur hands Ranboo the flint and steel to detonate the piece of TNT which Ranboo does, albeit with some hesitation.

"You passed the test, good job man, you go back to the van (...) Ranboo- Ranboo... I'm proud of you man. You've taken a side, you've proven that you can choose a side"

Quite a few people have already pointed out how similar this scene was to the time Wilbur tested Tommy in season 1 to decide if he was fit to be his right-hand man. In both situations, Wilbur gave someone a chance to cause some destruction against someone on the opposite side. Tommy passed the test by refusing to do so and showing that he was willing to uphold his morals and what he believed in. Ranboo passed the test by doing the exact opposite, by showing that, as much as he talks about how he chooses people and not sides, he's not willing to prove that even when all he would need to do to do so is doing nothing.

And it's an interesting scene to analyze as a parallel to that, but it's also interesting to note that Wilbur knows about Ranboo and Tommy griefing George together. He knows that Tommy was the only one to face any consequences for it (not that exile was actually the consequence for the griefing, but this is from Wilbur's point of view). Now putting this in the context of Wilbur seeing himself in Ranboo and thinking that he himself got off scot-free explains this next part perfectly in my opinion.

It explains why he made sure to leave this sign:

To me at least. This is only a theory honestly, we don't have an actual full explanation. But I do think that Wilbur may feel like the both of them never got the comeuppance they deserved, which is why he did something that's sure to get a reaction from one of the most powerful people on the server. Though considering that he also left 2 diamonds as retribution + a chest with all the materials he picked up it could have also been Wilbur's idea of a bonding moment and he could actually really be proud of Ranboo.

[stuckybarton]

Sucker For Pain i

SUMMARY: You were new to the team, but what everyone didn't know was you weren't so new to the God of Mischief. CHARACTERS: Loki Laufeyson x Ex!Reader [Ex to Lovers again?] WARNINGS: Profanities. Suggestive Themes. Slight Angst and horrible self-image. Grammar Mistakes. English not being my first language. [Not Beta’d tho] WORDS: 2,956 CHAPTERS: [1/3] A/N; Life happened and yeah, didn’t have much time to write. Not my best work for this mini-series, but I’m fighting through for this. Hope you guys enjoy~

PART TWO | PART THREE

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"Agent Y/N Y/L/N." You introduced yourself the first moment you were escorted into the compound by Director Nick Fury. Multiple sets of faces both new and old had come to greet you. For a moment you wouldn't even believe that this is was the new life you would find yourself to be a part of from now on.

Years in the job for SHIELD before disappearing off the grid to get as much information about HYDRA, everyone had thought you had betrayed them and you had accepted that they would think so lowly of you after all the near-deaths you had to endure on the job. Even with the mission becoming more of a death wish, you had accepted the role Nick had given you all those years ago and now you were rewarded, immensely. A spot on the Avengers as part of the Earth's Mightiest Heroes.

The familiar face of Nat was the first to greet you with a hug. A fiercely tight one, it had been so long since you've seen a friend. Then your eyes fell towards the rest of the team; Bucky Barnes, who you had a few close encounters with during your time with HYDRA. You had witness everything they had done to him and stood on trail to clean his name. Steve Rogers, who, with Sharon Carter, had assisted in guarding Steve while SHIELD was still under HYDRA's control. But among the familiar faces, one stood out the most.

Loki Laufeyson.

To many, the man was a snake, a God that had once brought death and destruction in New York. But to you, he was different, this was the man that you had spent your lonely nights with while under the guise of a traitor. It had once just been a physically thing between the two of you, neither wanting to know about each other's lives. You knew he was a God, a man that had wronged the world, but he had never known about you, the woman that had painted yourself as a traitor for the better of the world. The one that had been called every name on the book for the sake of making sure you did your part right.

Then it got serious between the two of you. Admission of love was told between both of your lips. But it was dangerous for you two to be together especially when you were already told by Fury that you can come back to the surface. You didn't know what side he was on, and you did not have the heart to make him choose if the time would come.

So you two parted. A month ago. The pain still throbbing you like an unattended bullet hole right through your heart. It was still so painful to look at him and not remember him crumbling on his knees begging you to stay. The first sob that escaped his lips and forever haunted your dreams. A never-ending loop in the back of your head as your demons screamed at you for breaking an already broken man.

"I for one am happy you're finally here. Another woman to add to an already Man's Man world in the compound." Nat teased glancing towards the other individuals that had come to know the new face. "With introductions out of the way, you've got a lot of explaining to do for the past few years."

You could only smile at your friend. You did have so much to explain to her, things had been murky between you and Clint, but after everything, Nat had refused to believe you would betray them, betray her, and it was finally a relief to be able to return back home, seeing the people that mean the most to you.

"Tell me about it." You muttered allowing Nat to quickly pull your away from the crowd, but it missed your eyes how he was still looking. Ice blue eyes a contract to the burning gaze he had towards you.

Forget about him. Forget about him. You were here for a new opportunity. No him. Never him.

For the next few weeks, everyone had grown to accept you in your new role as part of the Avengers. You kept up with Steve, Bucky, and Sam during their runs. Sam more than happy to finally have someone that had the same pace as him, but only for you to laugh and out run him just to get a reaction out of the high flier. Tony and Bruce had also found a kinship in you, having provided them enough information about HYDRA's experiments and location made most of their missions easier. Then there was Nat and Clint, your confidant in this new life. Every single moment that was not dedicated to a mission was spent with them; may it be movie night or a simple get together outside the compound, often times bringing Wanda and Vision along just to mess with you and call you a 5th wheel of the group.

But among number of members on the team, everyone had noticed you constantly avoided one Thor Odinson and one Loki Laufeyson. The only real time you would even dare talk to either of the brothers would be during training--other than that, you tried your best to avoid them, Loki most especially. Every single moment that would force the two of you to be in the same room, Loki had a glare while you tried your best to avoid his gaze.

Everyone noticed, everyone didn't seem to worry too much. It comes with having a former-villain part of the team. They thought you would eventually get used to the God's presence just as much as they did.

"You ever gonna tell me what's going on between you and Loki?" Nat inquired avoiding your punch.

What you hated the most about sparring with Nat was her capability of multitasking. Talking and snooping about someone else's business while also kicking their ass in the process--this was the predicament you were in right in this very moment.

"Nothing is going on." You muttered landing back first on the mat after being thrown like a rag doll by Nat. Eyes looking at the ceiling, you wondered if it was a good idea to actually come clean to her about her past with the God of Mischief. "I know what he's done to New York and I think you can't blame me for taking precaution when it comes to him."

Nat now comes hovering on top of you, the narrowed eyes and gentle smirk was all you needed to know--she knew it was bullshit. But when she had stopped pushing you for more information, it was enough for you to just change the subject.

"They found Dominic?" You inquired. One of the first big missions that everyone was focusing on was one of the leading Scientist for HYDRA. With the exposure of HYDRA to the world, some of them had moved away and found themselves in much shadier company, much to everyone's radar now spiking.

Dominic Wagner was, in part, partially responsible for the Winter Soldier program in the modern era. One of the pioneers in moving the project into a much younger sets of test subjects. You lost contact with the man as soon as your got back into the surface, but it had also meant a target was on your back when they found out you were a double agent.

"He's in Russia. Wasting away all the funding for the program with parties" Nat points out. "Still a better way to spend the money that abducting kids everywhere."

You nodded, memories of files upon files for the prospects still haunted you to this day.

"When are you taking him out?" You inquired. In your time with the SHIELD, the red in both of your ledger had made you two a hot commodity if the situation present itself as shoot to kill. Neither of you would hesitate. You knew you would now, after everything, but if it means one less bad people in this earth, you would swallow your new morals.

"Fury wants him alive." She pointed out finally standing back up to her own two feet, leaving you on your back, staring at the ceiling in deep thought. "I know as much as you do, we want him dead for everything he has done, but we need him alive so we can get the others."

You nodded, this was one of the few things you had to get used to as part of the team. Death was best solution in SHIELD--at least in your team, not here. As long as you were part of Steve's team, you would need to choose whether or not killing would be the best option. Hope that you weren't so blessed to be given in your time under.

"I get a first shot when we don''t have any use of him anymore." You muttered finally standing back up with Nat's help. Steps faltering at the sight of the God of Mischief, training with the likes of Peter Parker, Sam Wilson, and Bucky Barnes. A weird mix up, but wasn't hard to understand why.

"Why don't you shoot your shots with him for now." Nat teased, finally making you break from staring at the plain black shirt and green sweatshort-clad Loki Laufeyson. "If we try to ignore the death count during his attack, he is sort-of your type in men." Nat wiggled her brows. quick to avoid you as you attempted to swat her in the ass, eyes now turned away from God and his training partners.

"By type, you mean psychotic with possible Daddy-issue? Then you might just be right." You snort.

"I'm offended you think of me as such, Darling"

Jerking your head to the owner of the voice, how the hell did he sneak up behind you without you noticing. You glanced at Nat in panic and like the traitor that she was, made a terrible excuse of being needed in Bruce's lab. Now being left in the man's presence, you could all but remember the last time you had been this close to the man.

Heartbreaks.

Words that you didn't mean.

Words that he didn't mean.

It still hurt you, and you were sure it hurts him just as much, if not more now, finally realizing why there had been a need for a breakup between the two of them all those weeks ago.

"Here I thought I would have someone to trust. You mortals continue to disappoint me." He hissed.

Your eyes glanced at the other training trio, noticing all three of them were in their own little world to even noticed what was going on between the two of them.

"Tell me, Darling..." He whispered, head leaning towards the shell of your ears. The familiar shiver run through your skin as just his voice. Memories of the very things his silver tongue had whispered had you flustered and breathless, more than from your earlier training with Nat. "Was it satisfying to play with a God?"

Before you could even mutter a word, his constantly gentle hand now covered your jaw, emitting a squeak from your lips and stopping you from saying a word. He was never this forceful, nor did he do anything that would hurt you. Was this the true nature of the man you had finally thought you have been the best part of you. To have loved a man that everyone was right to stay away from?

"Or is it shame finally coming to you, to be ever involved with someone like me?"

You tried to pry his hand away from you, but he was too strong--stronger than you could ever think of being.

"Or is this you taking your opportunity to move from one bed to another? Who will it be this time, Y/N? My oaf of a brother or will it be Soldier out of time? Who will you whore this time?"

And you finally snapped. With a resounding slap, all three individuals had heard your attack on the man and Loki finally releasing his hold on your jaws. A chuckle escaped his lips and only brought the first line of tears to fall from your eyes. You never wanted to believe him to be a monster, but here he was, proving her wrong.

"I am in doubt of the foundation of our relationship for the past years, Y/N. I am the God of Mischief and Lies and the only mortal I had ever truly opened to had done this to me. Lied to me for such a long time, lied about the entirety of our relationship."

"You will never understand."

"Oh no," he chuckled darkly, eyes glaring straight into your own. "I understand well enough to know, you would never love someone like me and I deserve every lie and heartache I am enduring because of everything I have ever done in my past."

Before you could defend yourself and the genuinity of your relationship with the God, he had made his excuse. Leaving you to ponder of the true damage of your breakup with Loki, and the aftermath it had now held for the both of you. He was right, you had lied, and either way, their relationship will fall apart because of those lies.

He was the God of Mischief and Lies.

Yet, he did not expect for this biggest lie to break him the most. The separation had been painful, he had always hoped for a better life with you. Then a month passed since your breakup, he sees you, it hits him like a sharp knife to the chest all over again. He experience the pain of a stab to the chest, but it would never compare to the pain of seeing you in this very compound with the truth of your life that you refused to ever open to him.

This was karma coming to haunt him it seems.

It had been well over a week now since the first time he had actually confronted you about everything. It wasn't how he planned for things to go through. He never wanted to hurt you, but he was a monster after all. A monster that his own father had told his people to avoid. A bedtime story to scare mischievous kids into submission.

He had always thought after everything he had to endure, had to do, had to escape, he could finally live a peaceful life. A life to finally start anew. A life where he could finally change for the best. A mortal woman had made him make those ideas come into reality, you had always became the reason why he would never have his redemption in life.

A bitter idea with no possible resolution.

How could he have ever believed that anyone would ever love someone like him? After everything he had ever done, he was never allowed to be loved. You had proved that somehow.

'Mr. Laufeyson, you are needed for a meeting with the team'

Breaking from his little bubble. He sighed finally returning back to reality, into the little comforts the library could give him. The week had been gruelling for him, three individual witnessed the altercation between himself and you. It had spread like wildfire, but thanking the Gods that no one was able to listen to the conversation.

He had to endure most of the questioning. In everyone's eyes, he was, after all, still under everyone's constant scrutiny. A man that no one could trust. But he refused to say a single word knowing you did the same thing. It was better to keep your mouth shut instead of letting people know exactly what had happened. Somehow that brought a smile on his face. He might not share a future with you, but might as well make the most out of making your life a living hell, as much you did it to him.

Shutting the book he was barely even reading, he placed the book back into the shelf before walking his way towards the meeting room.

He could easily teleport, but he preferred to enjoy his moments of peace without his oaf of a brother breathing down his neck or Stark constantly testing his patience with his quips. It also gave him a moment to school his features, he knew well enough about the mission to know you would also be in attendance. Be more invested in this mission than anyone else.

It was a few things he was relearning about you now that you were out in the open as everyone claims you to be. You were a free spirited being that could meld with anyone you were in the area with. He had watched you throw relentless jabs at Tony during your first few days that had the man surprisingly raise a white flag. But the most dangerous thing he had to learn was the familial relationship you had with one Natasha Romanoff and Clint Burton, two people that he kept his distance with the most.

"Professor Snape has finally graced us with his presence."

Loki has learned since joining the team to choose his battle when it comes to Tony. This was one of those moment. Finding a vacant chair besides his brother, he had taken his seat. A big mistake on his part as he finds from across the table, you sat. In between a glaring Romanoff and Barton.

Wearing a smirk, just to get on the two super spies' nerve, he turned his attention right back into the meeting. He begins formulating a few little schemes to not only get on the two's nerved, but most especially yours.