#as we write what we find only to discover something else completely is true

[thoughtyouwerentafraidofanything]

For you, baby

Pairings: pre-cult kai anderson x dom female reader

Summary: kai, your boyfriend is a little shy and you're on a mission to find out what he likes, sexually, and you think of something he might enjoy.

Warnings: infidelity, cuckholding, masterbation, swearing, watching others fuck, smut(kind of).

Authors note: I love the thought of sub pre-cult kai, this also just made me think of another plot to write, not my best piece but it will have to do.

(I currently have 6 drafts needing finished, all kai anderson)

"C'mon baby you've go to like, something" you smirk as the last word leaves your lips

"I don't know", kai huffs out as he plops himself down on your sofa," I haven't really.... explored".

You walk over to him, the dress you wore to date night was mid thigh length and would ride up with everystep you took, all throughout the night kai would watch as the already tight fabric would hug around your ass and thighs, and kai's eyes were glued to your increasing exposed thighs.

Kai practically gasped for air as he saw the bottom of your recent tattoo on the inside of your thigh, the red outline of his name made his heart run a mile a minute. You had gotten the tattoo for him as a surprise but hadn't shown him what it looked like, only what it was, and ever since he heard you whisper that your name was by your most sensitive spot he had been itching to see it himself.

"How do you feel about..." kai's tongue darts across his lips as his eyes cut from your lips, chest, and rising dress. You place your hands on his shoulders and turn your back to him as you sit on his lap.

"...ropes"

You could feel kais breath hitch, your hands held kai's as you dragged his larger hands down your thinly clothed body.

"..u-uhm.." his tongue Swiped again, having you this close to him always made his mind run blank, your head leaning back on his shoulder giving him a lovely view if your neck and cleavage, your fingers intertwined with his as you led his hands further and further down your curves letting him stop and squeeze at whatever he wanted.

"Hmm?"

Kai gulped.

"How about you, watching me..."

You turned your head to look kai in his eyes, " ..fuck someone else infront if you"

You could feel kais body shuffle under yours and watched as his eyes darted around the room and your body. You turn your body around completely, straddling your shy boyfriend as he tries to not look you in the eyes, pressing your hands against his cheeks you lift his head up slowly.

"Do you like that baby?"

"I-... I m-might.. just..."

You kiss his lips, excited to have found a gem your boyfriend tried to hide. Kais eyes scrunched closed as his head dropped to his chest.

"Don't be embarrassed baby, I'll do it if you really want it"

You began placing quick pecks across kai's face trying to cheer him up, what you said was true you'd do anything your boyfriend wanted, especially sexually.

"I.. can we just go to bed"

Kai ĺooks up at you and holds your hands tightly to his chest, you had a feeling he was trying to put on puppy dog eyes to just get this conversation over and done with.

You nodded and got off of kai's lap, his eyes shooting to your exposed underwear, you could see him getting ready to reach out and touch your legs but before he could you pulled down your dress and started walking to your bedroom leaving kai alone and flustered on your couch.

"No action tonight baby"

It had been a week since you discovered your boyfriends sexual interests, and it was all you could think about. Ever since you had started dating kai had been rather vanilla and kept his desires to himself.

You were at work typing away on your computer until someone all too familiar showed up.

"Hey y/n how's it going"

Bruce hicker was a boy from your work who joined 3 months ago, you worked in reception and he worked in business management. Ever since Bruce joined every morning you had been hit on.

One Monday he gave you a rose, on Thursday he got you tea from an extremely expensive cafe you had only ever been to once before in your 4 years of working. Today Bruce had gotten you a coffee from the same cafe aswell as a chocolate pastry.

"Hello, bruce. Having a good morning?" You question accepting the coffee into your hands but leaving the pastry infront of you untouched.

"It's good now that I get to see you" bruce had a wide smile plastered on to his baby face.

Bruce had a few inches more than you height wise, his body, from what you could make out, was muscle hidden under some fat, his hair was short and light brown although he would argue dirty blond and his eyes were Hazel coloured.

"Have a great day bruce" you smile and nod as you turn back to your computer and begin to type again.

"Do you have any plans for tonight"

Bruce looks you in your eyes as he leans against the reception counter and with a wink he continues, "I'm free"

Chuckling lightly to yourself you look back at bruce and see him raise his eyebrow at you along with a lick of his bottom lip and a small laugh.

"Bruce don't you have work to be doing right now"

Bruce leans his forehead against the reception desk and taps his fingers on the counter, he huffs

"Y/n, I've been trying to get you to go out with me for the past 3 months"

You stare blankly at bruce, pretending to not have noticed you gasp and raise your eyebrows," bruce I never realised I'm so sorry"

You had known ever since bruce joined 3 months ago that he had taken a liking to you just by the way he would look at you. Bruce would come down to reception and ask you if you wanted a drink as he was about to head out and get some for the others on his floor you would smile and accept his offer. Bruce would come down as you were packing up to go home and would ask if you wanted to go out for drinks with him and his colleagues later, you would ask who was paying and go.

You did feel bad about stringing him on for a whole three months but it was nice having a hooked puppy willing to do anything you said to get your attention.

You smiled and looked bruce right in his eyes placing your hand right ontop of his which was laid on the reception counter.

"I would love to go out later bruce"

And with that bruce left reception and entered the elevator with the biggest smile you had seen on anyone ever before.

22:09pm

You burst through your apartment door throwing your keys in a saucer by your door. Giggles filled the room as you and Bruce clung to eachother the alcohol in your systems making both your vision blurred.

"W-where are your * hic* glass..es"

Bruce wobbled over to your kitchen as you pointed and laughed at him from behind.

You and Bruce had gone to a bar near work and spent almost two and a half hours drinking and talking, piles upon piles of shot glasses and empty vodka bottles were scattered across your booths table.

Before leaving you and Bruce had both agreed that none of you were as near drunk as you thought you would be after that many drinks, it was until the cold air slapped you in your face that the alcohol bloomed in your system and made you not remeber how you got home.

"W-what the hell is going on y/n"

Kai stood in his underwear stunned at the sight of you, drunk, alone with a drunk stranger who was intact a man.

As soon as you seen kai your body seemed to turn sober, your vision cleared and you could see the horrified look on your boyfriends face.

Rushing over to kai you held your hands up to his mouth making a 'shushing' noise to keep him quiet, in your mind he was screaming his words, in reality he was whispering loudly.

Kai's hands immediately wrapped around your wrists as they began to pull your hands off if his mouth so he could question you even more about this very peculiar situation you were both in.

"I-I'm doing this....f-for you baby"

Kai's eyes snapped open extremely wide, he thought you had forgotten about your conversation from your last date night but he had been wrong.

Before he could try to talk you out of whatever you were planning on doing you spun around, the smell of alcohol pouring off of you, and stumbled over to bruce who was leaning over your sink mouth attached to the cold water faucet chugging the water like his life depended on it.

"H-hey bruce... do you m-mind if my friend watches us..."

Bruce straightened his back and wiped his face of water before turning around to face you, your hands were laid on his chest as you looked up at him.

"Will we be d-doing something...Worth w-watching" bruce smirks and you giggle as you both make your way to the two sofas, you and Bruce sit on one together and almost immediately Bruce's lips attach to your neck, his teeth grazing your skin.

You lock eyes with kai who was standing just a few feet away from you, his mouth hung open and deep breaths leaving his lips.

"Closer" you say out load and both men comply, bruce hastily positioned himself in between your legs and hiked up your thighs, kai slowly made your way over to the sofa opposite from you and Bruce and sat down, his eyes scanning over your naked thighs as his chest quickly moved up and down.

You committed to kai and kept your eyes only on him, bruce didn't seem to notice as his tired eyes were shut.

Slowly, kai pushed his hand into his boxers, shivering as his hands wrapped around his cock releasing some of the tension built up. He watched as bruce raked his hands all over your body, he watched as bruce quickly pulled your dress up and over your head leaving you bare in you underwear.

You wore a blue skimpy matching set just for tonight.

You heard the unzipping of Bruce's trousers but didn't care as kai's whimpers and grunts flowed through your ears, you could tell he was trying to be quiet.

Kai's hand began to move quicker as your panties were dragged down your legs, you grew hot as you seen kai's hand begin to move along himself faster and faster, his cheeks began to turn red and his breaths were short and quick.

He used his precum as lubricant and spread it all over his shaft, a groan left his lips as his hand now moved smoothly against his dick.

"Kai" your breath hitched as you feel bruce push into you the pressure making you arch your back off of the sofa, Bruce's hand shoves your bra out of the way to look at you completely naked, he had been waiting for 3 months for this to happen.

Pushing your thighs apart even wider kai's eyes almost shot out of his head as he released a loud groan at the sight. He could now see your pussy being fucked by a complete stranger, he huffed out in annoyance but refused to stop. Kai could feel his hips begin to rut up into his hand as your hands grabbed at your boobs, your fingers rubbing and pinching at your nipples as your eyes shut in pleasure.

You could tell all three of you were nearing your finishing point, and the thought of kai watching and getting himself off to you being fucked infront of him only made you wetter.

Tiredly, your hands clasp onto the back of Bruce's neck and instruct him to flip over, you now sat perched ontop of bruce, who still had his eyes closed even tighter.

Using your thigh muscles you began to move sliding up his cock and then slamming back down, kai's movements were growing sloppy, his hips were now thrusting up into his hand and his eyes were shut imagining his hand was you, imagining you being used by strangers infront of him.

Kai's tired eyes peaked open for one last look before he came, the sight of the blood red tattoo permanently placed on your thigh pushed him over the top.

He could see the thin out lining of his name on full display.

Throwing his head back against the sofa a loud moan escaped kai's lips but he didn't care, his hair was damp with his own sweat and his skin clammy, his chest heaved with every breath he took, his hand which was still tucked into his underwear was covered in his cum the inside of his underwear was also painted with it.

Hearing kai's exclaims of pleasure urged you to finish, after a few more thrusts your pussy was clenching around bruce enough for him to finally spill himself into his condom. You followed the two boys example and ground your hips down onto bruce one last time the pressure and pleasure finally spilling over making you almost topple onto bruce.

With a firm hand on Bruce's chest you road out your orgasm, your hips still rocking against Bruce's as your body gently cooled down.

You moan and look over at kai, who's head was leaning back staring up at the ceiling.

"D-did you like that...baby"

[polaroidcats]

You said "remus is too busy being in love with karl that he doesn't realize prongsfoot are in love with him" so what happens once he does realize prongsfoot are in love with him? Will they get all his attention or will karl always be his one true love? If so how do prongsfoot feel about it?

LLAMA!!!! finally getting around to answer this, I will preface it by saying I think the horny ghost of gay Karl Marx possessed me and I cannot be held accountable for what you're about to read! Also, after writing this I realized that I completely ignored the "in love with" part, so that'll have to wait for part 3, this part 2 of the antifa wolfstarbucks saga is more about bookshelves, horniness and practical examples of communism than it is about love, sorrynotsorry we will get to the love part eventually!

Okay so this is a direct continuation of the antifa wolfstarbucks post, here we go:

They're all dancing and Remus still feels a bit strange third wheeling a couple like that, Sirius and James are making out passionately and he would give them their privacy but he can't because one of his hands is locked with James's hand, and James's thumb is slowly rubbing circles on the knuckles of Remus's thumb. Meanwhile Sirius put one of his hands in the back pocket of Remus's jeans, which at first made Remus really excited because he thought it might finally be a clear sign that they are actually flirting with him, but then he remembers it's his left jeans pocket, where he keeps the communist manifesto, so Sirius probably just wants to feel a bit closer to Karl Marx while he's kissing his boyfriend, and Remus's ass cheek is simply collateral damage. Sirius keeps massaging his ass though, but Remus thinks he's probably doing that to soothe him so he's not too upset Sirius is taking advantage of Remus's communist manifesto instead of using his own...

That thought makes Remus look up at the bookshelves on the wall and his eyes automatically start searching for the communist manifesto. He can see 2 complete editions of Das Kapital in all their beauty, and there is a book wedged in between them but it looks a bit too big to be a copy of the communist manifesto. Remus disentangles himself from James and Sirius, who break their kiss to look at him but he doesn't even notice because now he's standing in front of the bookshelf, staring at a copy of Conjectures and Refutations by Karl Popper that sits in between the two editions of capital. Remus lets out a shocked gasp and takes the book from the shelf, looking for another space where it might fit in better, literally anywhere else will do but you can't just put Popper into a Marx sandwich, that should be illegal (even if the whole question of legality might be a bit complicated in this context, he thinks, chuckling to himself because he's so funny, making a joke about these silly anarchists who don't know how to properly organize a bookshelf. Did they organize it by author's first names or did they put Popper there on purpose? He can't even decide which option he finds more appalling). Remus settles on putting Popper next to Hayek, shuddering a little at the spectre of neoliberalism that haunts that section of the bookshelf. He quickly averts his gaze, not wanting to discover any other Mont Pèlerin society members and looks for something to soothe his mind when his eyes finally fall onto an edition of the Communist manifesto and other texts by Marx and Engels, right in between Hannah Arendt and Rosa Luxemburg and he starts to really question the sanity of whoever organized the bookshelf.

Suddenly he feels hands on his hips and Sirius is pressed against his back, resting his chin on Remus's shoulder and even through the book in his back pocket he can feel Sirius's arousal pressing against him... well, against him and Karl... Remus blushes hard at how much he enjoys that last thought and he's only a little bit embarrassed to admit that he is starting to get turned on by Sirius pressing against his back, knowing he still has the communist manifesto in his back pocket. He turns his face a bit to the left, where James is looking at the two of them with a fond expression.

"Are you okay with this Remus? If anything makes you uncomfortable please just say something and we will stop!" Remus looks at James, trying to decipher what he could have meant by that. Is Remus uncomfortable with their unorganized bookshelf? Well, yes, of course he is. But something (it might be Sirius's hands running all over his torso and occasionally brushing his nipples in a way that does not feel completely accidental, but Remus still isn't convinced Sirius is doing it on purpose) tells him this is about something else. Maybe James is asking permission to keep kissing Sirius in front of Remus, and if that is it Remus wants to scream YES! because even if he can never join them, he's so happy to be part of it in any small way they let him be. And if Sirius enjoys rubbing against his back and touching him, he might feel a little bit used knowing it's actually all for James (and maybe a little bit for Karl too) and not for him, but god, being used has never felt this good.

Remus looks James in the eyes and manages to sound almost normal when he says "I'm good, I'm just really happy to be here with you guys" with a trembling voice, while Sirius's hands keep exploring Remus's body in a way that makes Remus think about sharing his means of reproduction with the both them. James's face breaks into a big smile and by the sound of Sirius behind him, he's also very happy about it. As if on cue Sirius starts kissing Remus's neck and Remus thinks he might actually faint any second now because this is so much more than he could've ever hoped for, and it's also so surprising to him, since up until 5 minutes ago there had been no signs at all that these guys might actually be interested in him!! At some point he must've closed his eyes, just lost in the sensation of Sirius pressed against his back, hard, with his tongue and mouth and teeth exploring his neck, his back,...

Remus makes a very undignified sound when Sirius bites down on his shoulder and Sirius stops immediately and asks with a concerned voice "too much?" Remus doesn't know how to answer this without giving away how much more he wants from them so he just turns around and kisses Sirius to show him that nothing he has done so far has been too much, Remus is so greedy now, if he can only have them for a night, he wants nothing more than to turn "from each according to his abilities, to each according to his needs" into a sexy, practical mantra. He's sure Marx would approve, he was all about acting on ideology and not just talking shit about theory after all, and Remus is so, so ready to act on that particular philosophy and give them everything he can and take all they are willing to give to him in return.

James seems to sense this shift in Remus's mood and gently grabs them both by their waists and starts massaging their lower backs while they continue making out. As soon as they break their kiss (far too soon for Remus's liking) James swoops in and pecks Sirius on the nose, which makes both of them giggle and share a look that's so intimate and full of love and adoration, Remus can't help but smile because he loves seeing them like that. Then James turns to Remus and looks at him with a clear question in his eyes. Remus can only manage a tiny nod, he wants this, he wants it so badly and he's afraid if he talks now he will ruin this perfect moment and make them reconsider everything so he doesn't dare. He just looks at James and tilts his head a bit to the right and towards James, who happily takes the hint and closes the distance between them.

[limecaine]

House of Leaves: The Perception Theory

People apparently liked my last post, so this is another House of Leaves Theory I posted on reddit

Do you know when you first enter a new place, like maybe a new video game or a town you’ve never been to before, and you are in awe of the sheer massiveness of the place. And then over time, as you become more familiar with it, it shrinks down to a manageable size? All of that happened just within your head.

Hi everyone. Some in my last post suggested I write about some of the explanations I have for the “docility problem,” or “why does the house start out dormant and become more aggressive over time?” This is something that I’ve been brewing in my head for a while: The Perception Theory.

The Perception Theory states that the house is a sort of distorted mirror. Anything the inhabitants believe about the house is reflected and becomes true. This is not only about conscious perception but memory as well. Like I pointed out in the opening, new places feel larger. To the Navidsons, the house was a place to be conquered and controlled even before the supernatural events begin. They believed the house was larger, so it became larger - the first hallway. When first moving into a new house, it’s normal to discover new areas and rooms that you didn’t find or forgot about until after a while of living there. The family wasn’t consciously aware of every facet of the house - and were away during this time - and this created a “hole” that the house filled with a pitch black hallway.

It is to be noted that this “perception” element only affects humans. Hillary and Malory (if you forgot, I don’t blame you, but they were the family cat and dog) were completely unaffected by the house, and the motion activated cameras were not triggered by the first Hallway appearing. It’s something innate within us that causes this effect. Curiosity, imagination, higher order thinking, possibly.

This becomes the basis for a snowball effect. Now that the Navidsons’ perceptions of the house were skewed by this new discovery, the whole house grew by 5/16”, then there was the bookcase event, and then the echo chapters. As humans, we can use echo as a way to gauge how large a space is. When the Navidsons first hear an echo within their house, again, the perception is altered. Larger and larger the home grows… that’s until the second Hallway manifests. Again, it is a freezing cold area with absolutely no discernible features. An uncanny mix of a familiar hallway with something extremely alien and empty.

It reminds me of 2001: A Space Odyssey. Some have pointed out that the rooms at the end of the film that Dave resides in are as if an alien with a superficial knowledge of humans tried to build a “zoo” for them. It’s familiar, it’s human, but everything is in the wrong place. The lights are on the floor and all the furniture placement seems off. Rooms are mirrored and even time is warped. In House of Leaves, the labyrinth is like an entity tried to extrude a house without knowing what makes a house… a house. The inhabitants’ perceptions made it larger, but because they didn’t know what they would find so it manifests as nothing, void, the bare minimum.

It should be noted that there are two kinds of “furniture” within the house, doors and banisters. That significance is unknown to me.

The Perception Theory also explains why the exploration team’s supply cashes are destroyed. Halloway brings a gun, anticipating a monster or some kind of enemy within the halls. This causes scratch marks to appear on the neon signs and caches. They were destroyed because the team expected to find them destroyed. The buttons on their shirts disappear not because they were arbitrarily consumed, but because they were not being kept track of. u/kingshaux pointed out something else that was interesting:

Notice how the House only really starts acting like Holloway’s enemy as soon as he starts seeing/treating it like one, almost as if it’s offended/defensive, like a person.

The house reflected Holloway’s hostility onto himself, becoming aggressive towards him but also (attempting to) protect Wax and Jed in the door shutting scene. Holloway expected to be attacked and killed by a monster, but the real monster was him, being reflected back by the house. The teamed exploration occurred at the same time the place outside the hallways started to be referred to with terms aligning with a war. Bases, fronts, attacks, SOS, outposts… the inhabitants’ intentions went from exploration to war. After they find Holloway’s suicide tape, the house tries to consume everyone like it did Holloway. It’s now an enemy in their minds.

The spiral staircase scenes are a major point of the Perception Theory. First of all, it appears that they go down forever, so they go down for a very very long distance. It takes the team days to reach the bottom. But now they they’ve confirmed that there is, in fact, a bottom to it, it takes Navidson 5 minutes to walk down it. Because the perception that it was bottomless changed, the distance changed as well.

So why does the distance stretch so far when Navy tries to leave? Not only does it stretch to an absurdly large size, it’s also a metaphorical distance, as he becomes more and more distant from Karen and his family. Because his connection to the outside is waning. He is mentally consumed by the house at this point, ignoring his wife’s wishes to enter inside (even though it was to save the team, Navidson wanted to go back anyway) the Hallways. But Navidson’s determination wins, as he climbs to bridge that distance even if it might be in vain. He makes it back to Tom. He makes it back to Karen.

This leaves some questions. If Karen’s perception of the house was so fearful, how does she save Navidson in the end? If we assume the colonials weren’t expecting to find anything in the area, why did they find stairs? How did it consume Karen’s Feng Shui and/or did she forget about it? Where does the cat go? Why can the house only manifest doors and hallways?

I get that that’s kind of a lot of loose ends but I didn’t want to make this post too long. Thanks for reading and tell me your ideas.

[thegamingcatmom]

I just got back in my twilight phase and discovered your blog, so I was wondering if MC ever got transformed into a vampire in the sisters universe, who would be the one transforming her? I feel like the obvious choice would be tanya, but a part of me thinks that irina trying to kill MC, but accidently turning her would fit the level of unhinged they are. But also if turned into a vampire, how do you think the sisters would react to MC being stronger AND possibly hotter?

In that case:

Welcome to my blog! :3

Right off the bat: Irina cannot be trusted alone with MC at this point in time, that´s true. But it´s not gonna stay like that forever. She´ll come around sooner or later (more later though), so the chances of MC getting turned because Irina actually tried to finish the job are pretty slim. But I can see where you´re coming from and I love that yall´s minds are coming up with possible scenarios for the Unholy Trinity and their, uh...chosen one. 🤭

With that said-

It´s difficult to say who´s gonna turn her, as it depends on everything that leads up to that moment. And it´s gonna be a while yet before we even get to that moment. I don´t plan anything I write beforehand. I simply go with what feels right, so I´ll know who´s gonna turn MC when it gets to that. 😅

However, I´ve been working on a lil something for a bit now (yes, the something that´s supposed to make yall suffer), sort of like an alternate ending to The Sisters. Like, yknow how some games have multiple endings? There´s the good ending, the hidden one, and the bad one.

Well, consider my WIP the bad one. 😅

BUT: It might shine some light into everyone´s motives, especially when it comes to the whole turning thing.

.

As for the sisters´ reactions to vampire!MC?

...I mean-

So, not rly any different from now. LMAO.

It´s true though: They might not realize it yet (well, except for Tanya lol) but, to them, MC´s already-

I´m actually gonna take a page out of Edward´s (well, SM´s lol) book here:

MC´s always gonna be their MC, just a lot less fragile. ;3

Like yknow, I don´t think there´s all that much that would change for them. Ofc it´s gonna be nice when they won´t have to worry about accidently crushing MC when hugging her anymore (Kate´s bear hugs can be rather suffocating, it has to be said), but when it comes to attraction? I don´t think they could possibly be any more smitten with MC. Or else they might actually eat her up, lmao.

So, it´s not gonna be an overly sexual first reaction, if that´s what you´re asking. It´s more like they´re completely in awe of what they´re seeing, almost like they´re not quite sure what they´re seeing is even real. Because, at that point, all of them have been through a lot, right? All those months (perhaps even years, I haven´t decided yet) of madness and longing and arguments and more longing and fighting and some more madness and then longing again and-

By the end of The Sisters, it will have been one hell of a ride for everyone involved. So, seeing everything finally come full circle when their chosen one joins them in their shared forever? I don't think words could truly capture their feelings, tbh.

However, something I find quite funny to think about:

I reckon it´s gonna be MC who turns into the horndog this time, lmao. As a newborn, there´s only gonna be two things on her mind when she first opens her eyes to this new world:

blood

sex

That´s gonna be all she cares about. And, somehow, I think she´s gonna try and go for the latter first because duh, look at that gorgeous wom-

Wait, there´s another-

And another-

Jesus, can you imagine?? Poor MC, completely driven by her instincts. Instincts she just doesn´t know how to deal with yet. Her brain´s gonna melt. She´s gonna melt. This is too much, she is but a newborn-

And the sisters? They couldn´t be more delighted at that display. For them, it´s like watching a baby take its first step. I mean, they´re literally ancient. And MC´s so young, she´s a baby. YKNOW WHAT I´M SAYING??

Sugar Momma mode activated.

KSBJFKASKBFASKF

Honestly though, that´s kinda how I envision it. The sisters are beyond mature, and MC just can´t cope with any of it. She´ll need the sisters to guide her, show her how it´s done. She´ll also need them to soothe that inner beast of hers that keeps telling her stuff that totally contradicts with what she´s actually thinking-

And then MC goes about actually jumping their bones, only for them to-

.

Tanya: "Ah, ah...first we must get that thirst of yours under control, my love."

Kate: "I hate myself for this but, for once, I gotta agree with the spoilsport. One craving now, the other craving later. But God, you´re so sexy when you´re-"

Irina: "As Tanya said...we wouldn´t want you losing your pretty head halfway through and risk half of Alaska´s population being drained by noon, would we, maličký?"

MC, who hasn´t understood a word after "thirst": 🩸👁️👄👁️🩸

.

YKNOW???

But I also kinda HC that, in the world of vampires, with age comes status. All vampires have this inner beast that´s responsible for their more primal behavior and instinctive reactions in certain situations. Such as coming face to face with an elder. And MC´s got three of them.

Lord have mercy on that poor girl. We all wanna be her, let´s face it.

.

.

.

Thanks a lot for your ask! 💋

[sk8termikey]

Chapter 18 of 21 Questions

better interface on wattpad + updated till chap 27

FLORIDA VERSUS TOUR SHOW (meeting)(plot is plotting)

Matt🍂

[2 attachments]

Hey, here are the tickets

I hope you'll have a great time tomorrow :)

Thank you so much<3

I'll never forget this fr

I'll repay you one day

And thank your cousin also

You can repay me by not hating me when you discover the truth…

Unsent

No worries

And yeah, I'll tell her it did end up useful for someone else

I'll try to take good pics for her!

That's very nice of you, can't wait to see them if they're as good as those you take of the world

“Damn you're so adorable Lily”, Alex said as she was reading the texts above her friend's shoulder.

“Well, it's thanks to a fellow fan that we can see the triplets again, so anything for her now!”

“No but for real, that was so sweet of Matt's cousin to give them out”. Alex side hugged Lily to show appreciation. “I really can't wait to meet them again”.

“Yeah same”, Lily agreed.

Thinking back to how everything happened so quickly, Lily was glad to have been able to trust her online friend. She knew she had every right to be weary of this, but she also wanted it to be true – which she believed to be. She didn't know how she could ever repay the favour to Matt, but she was set on finding something for him one day. Maybe this is a good situation to write that letter for him, he deserved it already but now even more… Lily thought as she smiled at her idea. Although they had never talked about it, Lily suddenly wished to meet Matt. She felt like their friendship was getting to a point where they could actually enjoy each other's presence in real life – they had called a few more times since they played Fortnite together a couple months ago but had never facetimed. None of them knew what the other looked like, but them being friends was solely based on their personalities and common ground so it didn't matter much. However, Lily's wish for an eventual meeting would happen sooner than she'd ever expect thanks to someone who wasn't as impatient – and it could even be said it had already happened though none of them was aware of it.

A day later and the two best friends found themselves in Fort Lauderdale, Florida. Completely off plan – they had indeed wanted to go back to Spring Hill today but fate had it otherwise, Alex and Lily were now on the Southeast Coast. The weather was lovely as the girls parked near the venue. They hadn’t gone to their hotel yet but Matt – Alex had learnt from Lily – had apparently been kind enough to book a room for them not far from where the venue was, “an apology for this last minute plan” Lily had said. Obviously, Lily had refused to let him pay so Matt had only put his card for a refundable deposit and Lily would pay for the room when she and Alex would leave the city. As it was Sunday, the girls had decided that they would stay until Tuesday at most – they had been gone for a week and although Lucas and Jade didn’t mind being alone at the café, Lily and Alex felt bad that they were leaving them for so long. They were also missing their cat a lot, but would never tell their friend that their fake child counted more.

This was now it, the final show of the Versus Tour where Alex and Lily would be once again part of the wonderful atmosphere that were the Sturniolo Triplets’ shows. They had arrived later than they did for the other shows as they didn’t have the small talk nor the group pictures included in their tickets. This didn’t bother the girls though as they were simply ecstatic at the idea of seeing Nick, Matt and Chris for the fourth time. They saw that not many people were left outside as most of them were already inside the venue for the extras that were happening before the show. When they approached the queue, Lily unlocked her phone to get the tickets ready to be scanned. This was the moment of truth: had Matt scammed her or not? Damn, I hope not because I like the kid… Lily thought as it was their turn to enter the venue. When the security guard scanned the tickets, he let out a confused face – though unnoticed by the girls with how quick he composed himself – until he confirmed the names on his list and knew that what he was seeing was not a mistake. 

      Indeed, the tickets that Matt – Laura actually – had custom made for Lily were not meant to exist because they had never sold any GA tickets with only the backstage pass as an extra. The security guard eventually let the girls enter and as he signalled to someone else to take his place to scan the next people, he quickly went inside through another door where he knew that he could find who he was looking for. Fortunately, he was able to find her rapidly enough. He called Laura who was overseeing that the group pictures were going well and told her about the two girls he had checked in a couple of minutes ago. Thanking the man before he went back outside, Laura waited until everyone had gotten their pictures taken – luckily it was almost the end – and as she walked the triplets to the stage where they would soon be on for their show, she notified them about the girls who had arrived. Hearing this, Matt let out a sigh of relief he never knew he was holding and his two brothers patted him on the back to comfort him. She’s here, Matt thought. I’m actually gonna meet her, damn… The stress started getting to him and he knew he wouldn’t be able to relax until he saw that she was here with his own eyes. When they arrived on the side of the stage, the triplets found a small space behind the curtains where they could look at the crowd without being noticed.

“Do we even know who we’re looking for?” Chris asked as he had no idea which team colour the girls were supporting today.

“Well, she’s Matt’s girl so probably blue.” Nick replied as he tried to recognize the girl with whom he had gotten along a few days prior.

“Not my girlfriend…” Matt mumbled. “And she doesn’t even know that she’s here for me so I actually can’t say who she’s rooting for today.”

“I mean– I think I had told her to come in orange last time we saw her but I guess we can each look for our team colours when we’re on stage”, Chris suggested. “We might see better with the lights above us.”

“Good idea, let’s not be too obvious though.” Nick warned. It was now time for them to go on stage and start the show so he gave the final instructions. “We’re mainly searching in the last rows because she had General Admission; a brunette with possibly animals painted on her face accompanied with a blonde girl who’s most certainly in orange as she supported Chris in my memories. And remember, BE. DIS–CREET.”

Matt and Chris nodded as they understood their task. They would never jeopardise their last show but it wouldn’t hurt to confirm that their guests were here as they were literally in front of the crowd where said guests were. Hugging each other, the triplets were now ready to go on stage for the last time of their tour. It had been such a wonderful experience for them and they had found a way to make this last show even more special thanks to the partners they had chosen. Indeed, as their family and friends were present, the triplets had invited three of them to share the stage with them and it was now time to get them on as they were being introduced after the popular vote had happened – Matt won again, what a surprise!

The three teammates were therefore the triplets’ brother Justin, their best friend Nathan – or Nate – and their friend Tril who had travelled with them for a couple of shows to sing at the end. Nick then announced that the three would each pull from a box a friendship bracelet based on one of the teams in order to decide who they were going to partner with. After they all took out a bracelet, Nick made them reveal at the same time and the result was Nathan on team blue with Matt, Tril on team orange with Chris and finally Justin on team purple with Nick.

As usual, the first game was the painting competition which Nate had won, thus granting a second point to Matt’s team blue sharks. The next game was called Saved by the Bell where the teams would answer trivia questions. From the age required to enter the Hunger Games – twelve years old – to the number of moons Mars had – two, the three teams had to answer several chaotic other questions such as the temperature at which water freezes – 0°C or 32°F for y’all weird Americans – or the number of elements in the Periodic Table – a hundred and eighteen. They were now playing the third game which was called We’re Playing Basketball and thanks to Tril, Chris’s team orange deers was now in the lead before the fourth and last game that was Jenga Showdown started. Matt and Nate were closely behind and the Jenga game that Matt had lost a handful would be decisive. Indeed, the loser would have five points removed from his score, which is why it was essential for Matt to not lose again.

Back to our two girls in the crowd, they had been enjoying every minute of this last show. Per Chris’s request, Lily had showed up with an orange tank top and deers drawn on her face by Alex, who was also wearing orange. Although Alex would be over the moon if Chris won this show and therefore the whole tour, Lily was actually awaiting his defeat as she was really curious regarding the tiebreaker that would decide the winner between Chris and Matt as Nick announced that he had a great one planned already. Only time would tell and it wouldn’t be too much waiting as the game finally began. The tension was slowly building in the venue along the Jenga tower. After what was unusually long compared to other shows, the tower eventually collapsed when it was Nate’s turn, thus making Matt’s team lose five out of his nine points. Matt’s loss thus meant Chris’s victory of not only the show but of the entire tour, which sent the crowd in a frenzy as everyone was screaming – one part was actually cheering on the youngest brother while the other was just screaming for fun as one does during a concert whenever the artist on stage does something as simple as breathing.

Now that the show was ending, each team received their medals and as the lights were on, Matt took that as an opportunity to check the crowd for a certain face. He tried to make his brain work its hardest ever and searched for a smiling brunette of whom he had a faint memory. As he stilled for a second, Matt thought he had seen her and when he tried to keep looking at the back of the venue for this particular person, he was nudged by his friend Nate who made him notice that he would end up seeming weird on stage. Nate and the two other teammates did know why Matt had spent a couple of times during the show simply watching the crowd – they had been notified along with the triplets’ parents about Matt’s chaotic plan – and so their role had been to prevent each of the triplets to creepingly stare at the fans too much. Finally, the coronation ceremony happened and Chris received the Versus Tour trophy before everyone left the stage for Tril’s last mini concert.

Unbeknownst to them, Alex and Lily were being observed by three similar-looking people who were watching the fans until they recognised those they were searching for. The show had been over for a little while and so the two girls were currently waiting in the queue leading to backstage as the tickets they had been given by Matt allowed them to meet the triplets after the show. Although they had been trusting Matt, they were still relieved to get the confirmation that they indeed had access backstage when they had first entered the venue a few hours earlier – though it was Laura who had notified the staff beforehand that those two specific girls had a “special treatment” due the ticket combo that wasn't supposed to exist.

As the girls were simply talking about the fact that Chris had won the show and therefore the tour – which Alex was over the moon about, her being a Chris girl, they didn't notice someone from security coming towards them. Exchanging a glance of uncertainty, Lily and Alex were surprised that the bodyguard was asking them to follow him somewhere else in the venue. Questions raised in the girls’ minds but they complied and went with the man. They didn’t understand at first and were just confused that they were being dragged out from the queue.

“What the fuck is happening?” Alex whispered to Lily as they were still walking in the corridors of the venue.

“I DON'T KNOW!” Lily whisper-yelled to Alex. “It's scaring me, like have we been scammed?”

“I hope not bro, they’ll probably give us an explanation.”

Lily agreed and a couple of minutes later, the two girls found themselves in a huge room with several couches and drinks on a table. They got told to stay here until someone would come back for them later. They both were so stressed and although they had snacks as well as beverages to pass the time, Lily and Alex were shitting themselves.

~~~

Half an hour later and the girls were still alone in the room. While they had been wondering about what was going to happen to them – their assumptions were being killed or abducted, the actual backstage was close to being over. Due to confusion still being present, Alex had suggested the first good idea of the evening and told Lily to text Matt.

“Damn, we should've thought about that earlier. I hope bro has a good explanation!”

Matt🍂

Hey Matt, please can you tell me what's going on bc Alex and I have been waiting for so long. We don't know what's happening and it's kinda scary so if you could text me back and explain wtf your cousin was supposed to do at the show, that would be nice

Lily was hoping that although Matt wasn't the one initially going to the show, he could still give her an explanation as to what was going to happen to them. However, as soon as Lily hit ‘send’ on her text, she and Alex heard a notification sound in the same room. This clearly raised more confusion in the girls’ minds. They thought it was a coincidence but were still suspicious of the fact that someone's phone received a message right as Lily had sent hers. As if it couldn’t get worse, the door suddenly opened and three people casually walked in.

“Honestly, it's such a Matt thing to forget his phone on the other side of the venue.” The voice of a man could be heard. “Don't think we needed to immediately bring it to him though.”

“You have to understand him sweetie,” a woman replied to him. “He's really nervous about today even though we spent a while reassuring him before the show. And he might need it to text his friend. I don't know, it might be useful.”

A second man agreed with the woman while Alex and Lily were watching the scene with widened eyes. They couldn't believe what they were seeing: the triplets’ parents, Mary Lou and Jimmy, as well as their brother Justin were currently standing in front of them. As the woman noticed the girls, she stopped talking and nudged her husband then her oldest son to make them notice.

“Hi there!” Mary Lou said with the nicest tone. “You must be my son's friends, right?”

“Wha–” Lily was the first to reply as she had no idea what was going on.

Seeing their confusion, Justin quickly understood that the timing had been completely off.

“Mum, I think we might be early…”

“Oh god!” Mary Lou exclaimed in surprise. “He told us he would notify you before we arrived.”

“I'm sorry, but…” Alex took Lily's place in wanting to know the truth as the brunette was now lost. “Who was supposed to notify us of what?”

“OH MY GOD! WHAT ARE YOU GUYS DOING?” The voice of a young man yelled as he ran into the room and started rambling. “Dad came to get me. Damn, I leave you guys for an hour and you can't wait ten more minutes. Fuck, sorry I shouldn't curse at you and I know I said that thing about my phone but I was about to come get it and now–”

Matt stopped talking as he turned to face the two confused girls still sitting on the couch. His dad, Jimmy, had left his wife and first son to try finding Matt before the situation would get more chaotic than it already was. He had stumbled upon Matt, Nick and Chris who were coming back from backstage as the show was definitely over, which led to the middle triplet running to the room his dad was coming from as he started panicking as soon as Jimmy had explained what was happening a few corridors away.

“Hey,” Matt said to the girls with a soft voice to not frighten them. His gaze was mostly on Lily before he spotted his phone and unlocked it. “Oh, you texted. Sorry for the confusion, I swear I can explain everything.”

What the actual– the fuck he means? Lily wondered. I texted? Like– I'm so fucking lost… She tore her eyes away from Matt as she saw Chris, Nick and Jimmy entering the room then going to stand next to Matt who was trying to calm down.

“Ok so… I know you must both be very sceptical about everything but please listen to me.” Matt almost pleaded as he was scared of how Alex and Lily would react. “Hmm, well… Hi, I'm Matt.”

As he said his last sentence with a small wave, the girls were still not understanding.

“Yeah, we know that”. Lily replied with a nervous laugh. “That's why we came to see y'all I guess.”

“No yeah, sorry. I mean like– Matt, your Matt?” He sounded almost unsure as he saw that Lily was still not completely getting it. He then had an idea and went to his conversation with Lily to show her what he meant. “Wait a second…”

Matt quickly typed a message and sent it to Lily, which made her phone's screen light up.

Matt🍂

Hey, please don't hate me

Both Lily and Alex looked down to read the message, the latter almost having a light bulb appearing above her head.

“Oh fuck I should've known! I knew it!” Alex semi-shouted.

It's true that the blonde had had suspicions a couple of times when Lily had told her that she was texting a guy named Matt who liked Pokemon, Fortnite and had several brothers. They were probably a thousand guys on Earth like that but at that time, it had been the only Matt she could think about.

“Oh…” Lily finally knew what he meant. “Oh… I was absolutely not expecting that.”

“Yeah…” Matt was still afraid of what would happen next. “If that's ok, I just want to properly do introductions?”

Lily nodded as she and Matt were still holding eye contact for the past several minutes. When the girls both stood up and approached the Sturniolo family, Matt got even more nervous and Nick took that as his cue to take charge of the situation.

“Hey, Nicolas here but call me Nick! So we have Matt obviously and Chris who you both know, I mean we all met but let's reset everything. Then it should've been later but improv I guess so I want you guys to meet our mum Mary Lou, our dad Jimmy and our brother Justin.”

“Hi, I'm Alex.” The blonde said as she could feel her best friend was in a sort of shocked state. “This is Lily, my best friend and Matt's friend then?”

Everyone nodded and as an awkward silence was almost forming, Mary Lou let her bubbly personality shine to brighten the mood.

“Okay boys, why don't we just relax and enjoy the snack while getting to know those lovely ladies? Matt darling, go talk with your brothers as I take your nice friend with me. You guys will have all the time in the world later on.”

Mary Lou walked towards Lily and gently grabbed her arm to then go sit on another couch in the room, further away from everyone else. The rest of them scattered in the room as Chris decided to join Alex – they had gotten along well the few times they had seen each other – while the other brothers stood with their dad and chose to pour themselves some drinks.

While Alex was talking with Chris and reminiscing about their victory together, Lily found herself in a conversation with Mary Lou whom she thought was the sweetest woman ever. After Matt, well Nick in all honesty, had introduced her to his mum – a bold move from him to have her meet him AND his whole family at the same time, Mary Lou immediately shooed her son away as she wanted to properly get to know his new friend. This is why Matt was currently with his brothers Justin and Nick. The two oldest were discussing what they could do the next day around the city, which Matt was half listening to as he was stressed regarding what his mum and friend – friend? Acquaintance? More than that? Less? Yeah, friend is good – were talking about. However, as he dared to glance in their direction, Matt found Lily's eyes already on him. She quickly diverted her gaze back to Mary Lou but as she still felt observed, Lily looked back to Matt. They then shared a soft smile across the room and as if it was magic, both were suddenly feeling at ease and fell back to their respective conversation. They'd only had a two second interaction as the Matt and Lily they both knew, but it was like they were turning back into their usual selves when they would text each other.

“You do know you guys are kinda obvious, right?” Justin asked his younger brother.

“Wha– what do you mean?” Matt was confused, although he somehow already knew what this was about.

“Matt come on”, Nick sighed as he dragged out his brother's name's vowel. “I'm pretty sure you didn't listen to what we've been saying because you're only thinking about her.”

“And looking at her like a lost puppy”, Justin added. “She should be the one panicking, yet here you are.”

“I don't look at Lily like a lost puppy…” Matt mumbled. “Just making sure Mum isn't overwhelming her. Can't believe she gets to talk to her before me, she's my friend!”

“A friend who probably made her live the most stressful experience ever,” Nick retorted. “I think today was confusing for everyone so let her breathe for a minute and you can go talk to her after.”

Matt and Justin agreed with the blonde, then tried to trust their mum to make Lily feel better.

Speaking of the devil, the girl was actually enjoying her conversation with Mary Lou, who was telling her about Boston life.

“It sounds great, I hope to go there one day.”

“Maybe if my son keeps you in his life – which I would be glad about, you'll have the opportunity to travel there”. Mary Lou said as she put on her kindest smile.

“Yeah, I hope he does too.” Lily replied with some awkwardness in her voice. “It's still weird to me that he was the one I was texting this whole time, but I really want us to become friends in person now. Not that I want to take advantage of him simply because I know who he actually is of course, please don't think bad of me! But, I–”

“No worries my dear, if Matt trusted you enough to reveal himself to you, then I trust you as well”. The woman reassured the girl sitting next to her. “He's a good boy, so please take care of him.”

“I– yeah I will, I'll do my best to make this friendship work”.

The two exchanged a smile and kept talking about their respective lives: Mary Lou telling Lily about her and Jimmy while Lily told Mary Lou about the café she was working at with Alex.

They had been talking for a good dozen of minutes until Matt – who had been motivated by his brothers – finally decided to join them.

“Hi”, he waved again at Lily – seems like it was his current go-to move when feeling nervous. “Mum, I'm gonna steal her from you – if that's ok with you Lily obviously – because we need to talk now.”

Mary Lou kindly agreed and nudged Lily to stand up. As the girl was expecting the conversation to start now, she was actually surprised when Matt asked her to follow him outside. They both left the room under everyone’s curious stare and Matt took her elsewhere in the venue in order to be far enough for anyone who could walk by. When he found what seemed like a good spot, Matt looked back at Lily to silently ask her if it was ok. As she nodded, he opened the door and they were now on a balcony that was overlooking the parking lot behind the venue.

“Sorry, it looks kinda sketchy but I'll feel better with some fresh air.”

“No yeah, I get it.” Lily agreed with Matt. “I think I needed it too.”

“So…” Matt started as he was fidgeting while leaning on the railing.

“Yep…” Lily whispered as she was doing the same awkward movements.

None of them felt like holding eye contact as they were both extremely nervous. Knowing that he was responsible for all of this, Matt eventually started talking:

“Ok first, I have to apologise for everything. I put you in a very uncomfortable situation and it was a shit move.”

“It's okay… Well it was not completely ok but I understand where you come from so I can forgive you.” Lily smiled at Matt as she was feeling less awkward now that they were actually talking about it. “Never forgive you for not liking sushi though.”

“Damn,” Matt let out a laugh at that. “Can't believe you still hold that against me.”

“Yep, always I guess…” Lily chuckled too and let a now semi-comfortable silence start until she interrupted it with the most important question. “How long have you known?”

“Hmm?”

“Since when have you known it was me like– I was me?”

“Oh, well… when you posted those pictures,” Matt explained. “I was ninety-nine percent sure of you coming to our shows and the last percent was when I texted you.”

“Ok ok,” Lily nodded. “And your first reflex was to make me come to another one?”

“It seems weird but yeah actually,” Matt confirmed as he was actually surprised of himself being so honest. “I was a bit in denial at first because it felt crazy that the person I'm texting is literally a fan – although you are my friend first and foremost – but when I talked about it to Nick and Chris, the first thing that popped into my brain when we agreed that you were Lily was that I needed to meet you again, but properly this time.”

“I'm glad you thought that because I wanted us to eventually meet and I'm happy it's you.”

“Yeah?” Matt asked as he felt relieved that Lily wasn't hating him.

“Yeah, it's just sooner than expected but in a good way. I'm grateful for our friendship Matt.”

“I'm grateful for that too Lily.” Matt had a soft smile on his face. “You wanna meet my other friends/come see everyone else now?”

“Hmm,” Lily hesitated. “Can we stay here a bit longer? Just the two of us…?”

“Yeah, okay.” He agreed. “We can do that, fine by me.”

Basking in the silence, the two newly acquainted friends were enjoying this moment of peace. It would be the first one of many, but for now, it felt like a necessity to take their time as they were now slowly starting to navigate their friendship.

Thank you for reading. Votes and comments are always appreciated if you like this story :) The story is co-written w @/little_grapejuice on wattpad

[wrenammil]

An Analysis of Outsiders Fanfiction Tropes

I think I only have one true problem with outsiders fanfiction and it is when characters (specifically Darry/Steve/Dally) are villainized in the stories

(I want to preface this by saying that people can write fan fictions however they want!! It’s your fic and you should enjoy writing it nonetheless matter what anyone says!!)

BUT, that’s not what this is about—

Something that I think we forget a lot about Ponyboy is that he is a VERY unreliable narrator in this story. Don’t get me wrong I adore him and when I first read the book I did not fully comprehend the complexity of his perspective either. I related a lot to his character growing up and it’s part of the reason why I still enjoy reading it today but I have a very different perspective on it than I did when I was in 7th grade.

Most of the time when people write fanfiction for The Outsiders, Steve and Darry (as well as Dally) are mischaracterized as people who hate Ponyboy (or find him simply a complete nuisance)

This is a perfect example of how an unreliable narrator can twist a character in our eyes.

1. Darry’s character and the relationships between older siblings and younger siblings

For starters with Darry, in the beginning the way that Ponyboy describes him to us is someone who feels burdened by his younger brother and doesn’t really care much about him. Which is later on completely disproved, as we discover Darry cares A LOT about his younger brother and loves him deeply.

I equate this to older siblings who care about their younger siblings, but feel the need to take over in parenting them which causes resentment for the younger sibling. And in Darry’s case, this is something that he had no choice in—he had to step up for his siblings but he would have done it no matter the circumstances. However, Ponyboy feels guilty for “holding back” his older brother and, I believe, holds resentment towards Darry for trying to act like his Father.

Their relationship is complex and well developed in the story but at the end of the day—Darry loved his brother and would have done anything for him (the book just makes theses emotions clearer to Ponyboy!!)

2. Steve and Ponyboy

Steve gets a lot more of the brunt end of this treatment as he has a hard time expressing his feelings in ways that aren’t destructive.

I think that Steve and Ponyboy are especially tense because they have grown up around each other more so than the rest of the gang. But, while the others got to know Ponyboy through Darry or just on their own—Steve didn’t. Sodapop and Steve were always the closest, they were best friends since they were children and as such Steve has known Ponyboy through all stages of life. He defends Sodapop more than anyone else and believes that Ponyboy is someone that Soda has to constantly be worried about.

However, instead of acknowledging that Sodapop choices to over worry and be protective over Ponyboy—he pins the blame on Ponyboy instead. I do think that he cares about Ponyboy, especially in the sense of a younger brother, but he cares about SODAPOP far more and that hurts their relationship.

3. Dally and how men struggle to express their emotions (especially in the 70s)

I think Dally receives this treatment because people compare how he acts with Johnny versus how he acts with Ponyboy.

Yes, he is a lot more upfront and obvious about how he feels about Johnny but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t care about Pony (or the rest of the gang for that matter). Out of all the characters, he’s the most hardened and ruined by what he’s gone through in life—it makes complete sense for him to not express emotions in black and white ways. He does care about the gang, his loyalty to them and love is shown just not as obviously as some of the others.

Back in the 70s, men weren’t really allowed to show their emotions up front and love is no exception to this. To this day, a large struggle is raising boys to understand that they can express themselves without looking “weak”. Dally is a clear example of this, given what he’s gone through, and despite being only 17 he acts like he’s a hardened adult because of what the world has put him through.

It’s hard for Dally to accept that he does care. Because that means he’s not as tough as he thought he was. And Dallas Winston cannot be weak.

As someone who related (and still does a bit) to Ponyboy growing up, it makes a lot of sense for him to write his friends as people who “put up” with him or “tolerate” him because at that age your worried a lot about that kind of thing.

Especially, when you’ve gone through what he has.

The best way I can conclude this is love isn’t always obvious—sometimes it hidden behind anger and fear.

These characters love eachother more than anything, that’s why the ending is so gut wrenching.

You know they do. And some of them never get to say it.

[radical-revolution]

The Meaning of Life

Life is so enormous that it has no meaning. If there was a meaning. The moment you found the meaning it would be over. You can’t finish off life like that. You write a million books about it. Still it is ever expanding. There is no meaning to life. Meaning very rudimentary minds in the world are always trying to explain life off as this or that. You can’t explain it off, because it contains you. It is you. Everything that you discover is just a small aspect of it. What are the meanings you give it to? What are the definitions you give it to or just your notions about it? Life is far beyond meaning. Life is beyond meaning. That’s why it’s so beautiful.

We are all unique. Each one of us different. It’s so wonderful that we’re different. We may spring from the same oneness. As human beings. As individuals every one of us is unique. We are different, that’s what is beautiful about us. The oneness is not yet in our experience. At least not yet in the common human experience. At least lets enjoy the difference. If you learn to enjoy the difference. If you see that every human being is a unique human being. Only once in the whole eternity, only once this kind of human being happens. You cannot find exactly this kind of human being anywhere else in the existence, at any time in eternity. Only once. That is true with yourself, with your friend, with your enemy, with your loved ones and the ones you hate. All of them are absolutely unique. Anything that you see as unique, you value it. Anything that you value, you will have no problems with it and oneness will happen out of that. If you’re beginning to enjoy the uniqueness of life, oneness will happen all the time.

The fear is simply because you’re not living with life. You’re living in your mind. Your fear is always about what’s going to happen next. That means your fear is always about that which does not exist. If you’re fear is about the non-existent, your fear if one hundred percent imaginary. If you’re suffering the non-existential, we call that insanity. People may be in just socially accepted levels of insanity. If you’re afraid or if you’re suffering anything which does not exist, it amounts to insanity, isn’t it? People are always suffering, either what happened yesterday or what may happen tomorrow. Your suffering is always about that which does not exist. Simply because you’re not rooted in reality. You’re always rooted in your mind. Mind, is one part of it is memory, another part is imagination. Both of them are in one way imagination because both of them don’t exist right now. Your lost in your imagination, that’s the basis of your fear. If you were rooted in reality. There would be no fear.

Why is there poverty and suffering in the world? One thing is poverty, the way we describe poverty right now is very dependent upon certain standards that we have set ourselves. Who is poor. Who is rich is decided by certain standards that certain societies have set. Ten thousand years ago living in a cave was a luxury. If you had a good cave for yourself and something to cover yourself, it was a great life. Today we have created so many things for our well-being. Anybody who cannot afford to have that, we consider that poverty. What’s poverty in one society need not be poverty in another society. There’s trying to have a world view of common sense of poverty. Saying that if you earn anything less than ten dollars per hour you are poor, I think is an improper way of looking at the world.

I know in South India if a man earns two dollars per day, not per hour he can live well. He can live reasonably okay. The kind of prosperity that we are talking about. Our standards of prosperity are completely unrealistic and ecologically unsustainable. This idea of poverty and prosperity needs to go through a lot of change. I come from a culture where people have chosen many times, not now. Many times to be consciously poor, by choice. This is a culture where kings have chosen to walk as beggars. Poverty is not necessarily in terms of whether you have a car to drive or not. Whether you have a big house to live or not. That’s not so. Definitely the world is poor because in spite of all this wealth. In spite of all this comfort and conveniences that science has heaped up on us. Still people are living joyless. Still people are living not knowing how to live. We know how to go to the Mars, but we still don’t know how to live on this planet. That’s definitely poverty.

Sadhguru

[vialism]

Oh wow carte blanche on dab questions!

For the scene where Tyler calls Josh asking if he wants to be in the band, please tell me you based it on the 2012 Columbus Monthly interview and it was not a complete coincidence because I would die if it is!

I did not find that interview until after I read dab and was like.. no fucking way!!

Are there any other things lifted from interviews or stories? (Other than the RAB series, love how you intertwine that so well).

I fucking love and laugh everytime at the "what do I feed Tyler Joseph do not read into it" lol

Love the way you handle Nick and Chris leaving feels very realistic and particularly Tyler's reaction and what we know about his fear of people leaving him (Navigating looking at you, even 10 years later).

And finallyyy, I am a bottom Tyler truther but I am always interested on other people's reasons why, particularly since you make Mark even so aware of it enough to ask Josh if he is a top lol

ack holy moly i love these questions! i will do my best to answer!

of course, of COURSE it was not a coincidence... hehehe I knew what I was doing! I love love love taking dialogue from actual things they've said and weaving it into fics as realistically as possible. I've seen other people on twitter discover that interview and been like "WAIT LIKE IN DREAMERS AT BEST" and honestly... MIND BLOWING that people find out canon things from my fic before they realize they're like. real. humbling as fuck and also makes my research feel worth it!!! i started writing dab not too long after i went through my clikkie rite of passage in which i deep dived and watched every single pilots interview of all time (which i assume all fans go through, or at least all neurodivergent fans LOL). so a lot of these things were fresh in my mind.

i'm trying to think of other major things off the top of my head that came from real interviews or stories that we know are true. we know they met at the newport (sadly the exit sign detail came later!), we know the timeline and details of how mark stumbled into tyler's life, ditto the timeline of josh filling in for colin in hoh - i REALLY tried to get the timeline leading up to josh joining the band right. we only learned later that he had been about to move to nashville when tyler asked him to be in the band. sitting on the rooftop of the grocery store is something they've talked about from their early friendship... obviously so much else was filled in around what we know, but the goal was to make everything believable with the details we had, and it seems like that's part of what really resonated with people about the fic!

i went through a phase where i could not stand rereading the first 4 chapters of dab. so hearing that you love that random text josh sends in chapter 3 is actually so validating. i feel like i grew as a writer SO much over the course of writing the fic, and sometimes it's weird to read the early chapters in contrast with the later chapters where... idk, the language is more sophisticated? but i try to remind myself that they were growing up over the course of the fic too. and, people love and cherish those chapters for what they are. and i finally do too.

ohhh i'm glad you mentioned the whole "kinda feels like everybody leaves" stuff in regard to nick and chris, because that is absolutely where my mind goes. part of the story that dab tells is that josh isn't just a great drummer and friend with sex appeal who would help the band get famous - josh did not want to do anything else with his life except play music with tyler. he would do anything for tyler. he would break his back hauling that fucking piano case for as long as it took. he was never leaving. and somehow we are still living that narrative in the lore in 2024. tyler. that boy is not going to leave you.

hello, bottom tyler truther... we are the same. i love the idea of either of them bottoming and truly either works, but... josh is generous. josh wants to give. he wants to take care of people, and he shows his love through quiet protectiveness. tyler has a personality where he clings to control - we know this. so a true mark of trust for him, his truest form of intimacy, is ceding control to someone else. it really doesn't matter whose dick goes where... tyler just needs to be cared for. and everyone, including mark, can see how well josh takes care of him.

OH!!!!! this got extremely long. i guess i also just want to always say that even 8 years after starting it i am IN AWE of how many people still care about that fic. it is humbling for real. thank you thank you for caring enough about it to ask these questions :')

[hieromonkcharbel]

In St. Isaac the Syrian, I have encountered someone like no other. Even among the Fathers, East and West, whom I have engaged over these past thirty years, Isaac stands alone; which admittedly is to say a lot. When I first picked up his Ascetical Homilies and heard them described thus: "If all the writings of the desert fathers which teach us concerning watchfulness and prayer were lost and the writings of Abba Isaac the Syrian alone survived, they would suffice to teach one from the beginning to end concerning the life of stillness and prayer. They are the Alpha and Omega of the life of watchfulness and interior prayer, and alone suffice to guide one from his first steps to perfection," I was certainly intrigued but thought it simply to be hyperbole. Of all the the Fathers we have studied in groups at the Oratory, St. Isaac (unfamiliar in name and stature) garnered the least amount of interest; especially in comparison to the somewhat better known Cassian and Climacus. His style of writing was certainly different from the others; not Conferences or Steps but rather Homilies. They were exhortative, meant to set the heart afire for the love of God; not simply to be read or studied but to be received as a calling as sure and as strong as the Lord's "Follow Me". As true homilies, they arose from a heart that had experienced that call and had found his life turned upside down; only then to discover true Life.

After a year passed, with the homilies being read aloud and verbatim in our small group, the image of St. Isaac became clearer and with it his writings more and more compelling. The thought would echo following each group that "after hearing this there was no going back to looking at one's life as before." To do so one would have to live in complete denial - would have to silence the conscience. Uneasiness with oneself and one's life is the necessary prelude to conversion. St. Isaac at every turn anticipates such unease and resistance, expecting that it would arise and gently yet persistently beckons the listener to move ever forward. Now the words of another describing St. Isaac no longer seemed hyperbolic: "Isaac is the mirror. There you will behold yourself. The mirror is so that we may see if we have any shortcoming, any smudge on our face, in order to remove it, to cleanse ourselves..... In Abba Isaac you will behold your thoughts, what they are thinking. Your feet, where they are going. Your eyes, if they have light and see. There you will find many sure and unerring ways in order to be helped."

Indeed, St. Isaac the Syrian was like no other. However, it was in the reflections of Archimandrite Vasileios, Abbot of Iveron Monastery on Mount Athos, that I finally found one who captured the full extent of the extraordinary nature of the man, the Saint, I have come to revere beyond all expectation. Here was one through whom the hitherto unknown and untouched was revealed.

"The best is of everything the measure." Man is the measure - the holy person. And St. Isaac is a measure for man, for life and art and action.

Look at where he is! The way he lives! The way he writes! What poetry, what philosophy, what psychology he produces! Look at the way he acts, the way he keeps silence, the way he moves and the way he remains still! Is it possible to judge people by the yardstick of St. Isaac? Is he not a great man, supremely great, unique? Is it not unfair or impertinent to compare everyone else - ordinary people like us - with figures of this stature? I would have no hesitation in answering: NO. If he were someone who had been very active in a particular field, or who had some altogether exceptional natural gifts by which he astonished all mankind, then it would not be right to take him as a yardstick to judge and compare other people. But something different is goin on here: this Abba is supremely great and supremely human. He is at once grand and affable. In his presence, the great feel insignificant and the small take courage and feel able to function.

He does not flatter the one, nor does he despise the other. He is not ignorant of anyone's sufferings, their propensities or sorrows. He himself is a complete whole. A mature fruit of the Spirit, which shows its maturity by its color, aroma, softness and taste.

St. Isaac the Syrian is humane, humble. He understands, he has a deep knowledge of the weaknesses of the suffering world. He is not some stern judge or merciless inquisitor. He knows all about our weaknesses and our poverty; he shares in our nature and - at the same time - partakes in the joy and consolation of the age to come.

He does not argue with anyone. He provides opportunities and waits. He speaks the truths and leaves it to work within us.

Great as he is, he respects those who are small, who are humble. He respects their struggles and their confessions, even more than they themselves do, given that they all live to a greater or lesser extent within the realm of corruption, rivalry, jealousy, and of the effort to go beyond all this.

The Abba does not tell you, by his life and by his writings, “Abandon your struggle”. He does not reject your efforts. He does not deny you the joy that comes from them. He wants to liberate you from the cycle of corruption: to break down the dam that blocks your progress, and push you out onto the fathomless waters of the mystery of life.

He can see that you are closing yourself up. You imprison your inner person which thirsts for freedom. You are stymieing your development, narrowing the horizons of your life, depriving yourself of the openings towards new expansion- the deaths and resurrections - which dignify man and the endless and eternal grace that come to you.

As you follow St. Isaac faithfully, you go deeper into man. And every person enters into you. All together you go forward as brothers towards the new creation; you are able to breathe, in the still air of unfettered freedom. Together you undergo increase without end and ceaseless extension, even as you are humbled, as you “contract”, and you sacrifice yourselves for what is greatest.

It is possible, however, for man to be grafted into an everlasting tree. He can become a “branch of the vine of life“. His ascesis can be linked with another ascesis. He can be baptized in his entirety. He can offer himself, he can die, as true lovers of Truth seek to do. And as he dies and is buried with Jesus in His death, he can be raised up with Him into a new life.

The journey, the extension, the ascent does not stop at some point. You keep on advancing. You divest yourself of the desire to project yourself. You abandon defensiveness. Everything does you good. You are concerned with something else. You avoid things human, and you find human beings. You attain to silence. And your words and your life speak in a different way.

If you are demanding in your life, you can come into contact with St. Isaac. He will initiate you into hidden mysteries. He will meet you where you yourself stop. He will take you by the hand when you feel you cannot go any higher. He will help you make progress along your own path. He will reveal to you - you will see and experience yourself - that kingdom of God which is to come is given to human beings even from today.

And St. Isaac remains a criterion and a measure for this life and the next, for your conduct, for action and contemplation, for dealing with every happiness or disaster, for concealing and revealing, for silence and speech.

When you come back to St. Isaac after some experience, after coming into contact with a different logic, a different character, ethos or even speech, the impression is always the same: at every point, in every subject - he gets full marks. There is no other yardstick more stable, so as to give you a genuine standard for judging everything: human behavior, philosophy of life, use of time, progress from the temporary to the eternal, strictness and leniency. . .

How is it that he does not have a single loose phrase! There is not a single appearance he makes, a way he deals with something, the nature of criticism, that would not leave you in awe! Here we have the offspring of a good and blessed hour. A fruit that is ripe, that attracts and satisfies every hunger. An understanding that embraces all the world. A weeping that softens the heart. A figure that inspires every character. A blessing that extends to every occupation and path that a person might choose to take: the musician finds harmony. The philosopher, wisdom. The anthropologist and psychiatrist, the fullness of their science. The revolutionary finds strength. The hesychast, guidance. The old person, understanding and companionship. The young person, wind for his sails to adventure onto the most open and stormy of seas and even beyond. The father, a teacher in how to behave to his children. The husband, guidance in living with his wife. The mother, infinite love, delicacy and tenderness. Someone on the point of death finds consolation. Someone embroiled in difficulties finds a way out. The prisoner serving life finds absolute freedom of movement and living. The patient incurably sick finds divine visitation and is taken up, with his whole body, into a place, a realm and a way of life where everything is transformed into an outpouring of tears of gratitude.

He is in a place where no one else is. And yet he finds everyone, in harmony. And everyone unfailingly regards him as their own person, the only one who understands them with delicacy and tact. He heals their passions, he gives them courage, he “slaughters” them with his utter compassion.

Suppose some person or people fell down dead, wounded by something that other people said or did, albeit unintentionally: this Abba forgives things that are unforgivable to most people. He is familiar with the inconceivable. He soothes the pain of murderers. He raises up the life of those who have been killed. He gives light to the blind. He gives feet to the lame and makes hardened criminals act like children, innocent, guileless and unformed.

How does this happen? It was a gift bestowed on him because he received directly the blessing of the whole Godhead in the Trinity, because the auspicious time came when, through humility, he offered everything forever to the One and Only. And the One gave him the eternity of blessing in all his being for evermore.

It seems that when he was born, he was baptized. He was baptized indeed into the death of Jesus. And he pursued a way of life that surpasses life and death.

And when he died, this man full of holiness and above measure, he himself passed into life in its completeness in a different manner. You do not know whether his presence was more vivid when he was living this temporary life, or whether his help and support for all is more active now that he has left history and his life in the flesh - now that, in perceptible terms, he has gone away from us all.

His life has been extended through death. His intellect has been illumined through Grace; his body is filled with the life that transcends the whole world. He has discovered a different basis for support; a different manner of conduct; a different way of perceiving assurance; a different love of truth; a different Truth - an incomprehensible and ineffable truth, which is identified with mercy. And this state, this logic, this ethos, this freedom, this delicacy, this undaunted fearlessness, have shaped and formed his entire being, his way of life and his existence.

So in him "before" and "after" are not separated. The same applies to strictness and leniency; to speech and silence, immobility and movement, life and death, truth and love, light and darkness, struggle and stillness. This is because in his entirety, with the whole body of his existence, he has attained to a state above existence. He has advanced to the point where everything ceases: activity, struggle, prayer, freedom. Everything that he loved, that he aimed for and achieved, has been superseded. It has all passed into another realm and way of life, one that is strange, inaccessible to man. And that which is inaccessible and unattainable - for man - has taken St. Isaac himself, with all his wares, to that place.

He vanished, was lost. And he found himself in a different manner, in perpetuity; he was there even for those who had not been looking for him, who had not known him, who had never be interested in his life, his words, and his interests.

Even if many people were not interested, St. Isaac was interested. And because he wore himself out, shared himself, broke himself to pieces, he found himself in a different way; he was given a self by the One and Only.

And now, it is this self risen from the dead, found after it was lost, the self over which "death has no more dominion", that he has scattered and continues to scatter, like a blessing of charity and a wealth of understanding for all. From no one does he ask anything for himself, wishing only for others to act freely, hoping in Christ Jesus. And for them to know that if at some time they find themselves at a point where there road is ending, their daylight is fading, where loneliness overwhelms them . . . then they should not go to pieces. They should be patient for a while. They should wait. And a door will open; an open road will stretch before them; light that knows no evening will rise; and the cosmic chaos which through loneliness pierced their being will be filled with a presence of love, of charity. Something unrevealed and unknown to them will be revealed.

They will hear things unheard, they will touch things intangible. They will be at ease. And they themselves will go on in a different way, as different people, continuing their endless journey which is nothing other than He who is the most holy Passover and endless extension.

Archimandrite Vasileios

Abbot of Iveron Monastery, Mount Athos

[doublegoblin]

Author Ask Tag Game

Well this is a biggin! Thanks for the TAG @gummybugg

I send an invite to @asterhaze (Lol I know gummy tagged ya but nyeh) @angie-j-kay @tailoroffates @tisiphonewolfe @lola-theshowgrl @conkers-theficwriter (that's right I got you and your alt, talk about that fanfic!) @stanrendipity @randomstupidchaos @catchingbigfish

I'll be centering my attention on Rituals and Red Tape because I am nothing if not self-indulgent of my baby.

(1) What is the main lesson of your story (e.g. kindness, diversity, anti-war), and why did you choose it?

Your adversities are with you but do not have to define you Bodies are meant to be used as an expression of ones self Corporations are eldritch entities who no matter how much love they shove up your ass will replace you in a heart beat There are no true transitory spaces with which your actions can be left behind, what you may see as a place to visit is someone else's home. Angry Nihilism is the easiest and most childest response to discovering you are not the main character of a story. and Let others be content in their life, not everyone wants to be out there making a name for themselves.

Why did I choose these? To be completely honest I didn't set out with them in mind. These are what has sprung up as I delved into writing more and more and was finding some elements that were hidden from me while I fiddled with the keys. These are as much lessons for an audience as they are for myself.

(2) What did you use as inspiration for your worldbuilding (like real-life cultures, animals, famous media, websites, etc.)?

So I know the stigma that was (maybe still is) attached to this statement but it comes from my dreams. Wait wait wait let me explain! So for a while I have had (although I haven't for a little bit) an ongoing sort of continuous dream. Not like the same dream over and over but more these dreams take place in the same location and I am always in this same role. I would give my partner "lore updates" every so often because it was something fun. Well on a long car ride (3hr) we spent the time chit chatting and I realized I wanted to make a story out of this. So during the same car ride the basic skeleton of the story started to emerge. Then wham bam thank ya mam fast forward and here we are. A lot of the world building also just kinda spring from my own imagination. Like I'm sure I maybe got the pieces from soooomewhere but can't tell ya, unless they are an obvious reference to something like the Giants on The Farm being "as tall as windmill" being a reference to Don Quixote, just small little nuggets here and there.

(3) What is your MC trying to achieve, and what are you, the writer, trying to achieve with them? Do you want to inspire others, teach forgiveness, help readers grow as a person?

Alex is honestly just trying to get through each assignment with all their limbs still on their body and as little paperwork to do as possible. They just want to have a nice easy life that is comfortably mundane. What I want to do is entertain first and foremost. Like sure my stuff can have lessons and morals and whattheshit but if it isn't entertaining to at least one person I feel I have failed. And also, maybe help someone who needs to work through some stuff do so through Alex or anyone else in the book. I can't say for certain that can or will happen but there is always a chance.

(4) How many chapters is your story going to have?

No idea, as many as it needs to be told in full. I'll know when we get there lol.

(5) Is it fanfiction or original content? Where do you plan to post it?

Teehee time to self promote! This is original content. And I post the first draft chapters on here but I post the more edited and more concrete chapters on my WattPad MaxwellAlabaster I try and have the stuff on here accessible through their own dedicated pages on my blog and up to date.

(6) When and why did you start writing?

I started to write this story about a year ago. It started as a writing only for me kind of thing as I was dealing with some life stuff. But, once I started to write and post my stuff on here I really fell in love with the hobby and putting my things out there for people to hopefully enjoy!

(7) Do you have any words of engagement for fellow writers of Writeblr? What other writers of Tumblr do you follow?

Despite my verboseness I can be quite shy and anxious. So i tend to follow people who follow me first lol. It's not out of a self inflated ego but an uneasy feeling. So far it's worked out well and I've really enjoyed the people I have interacted with! Even if it's just getting little hearts here and there.

Something I adopted early and fully: Write for yourself (but we've all heard that before!) Fine! Write slop. Like just absolute pig pleasing slop. Not everything needs to be the next big seller, the most enjoyable, or "good" piece of literature. Write what makes you happy and what you have fun writing. Go outside your comfort zone and make an absolute mess of it all. You don't have to post everything after all. This is advice for even those of you that rely on writing for an income. When you can, just write the hottest and most fun garbage that you want. It's really refreshing to just go hog wild and look at the word doc or whatever and go "Wow...this is horrible, I love it".

Also don't let people tell you there is only one way to write. Like yeah grammar and stuff is good for being comprehensible, but there is power in each punctuation you use;or leave out~ Get flowery with your language too sometime Steve doesn't cheer; sometimes his voice carries so high the birds grow jealous.

Lastly: you don't need an english degree or whatever to be a writer, look at me, I have a freakin science degree. Did you put words on a page to convey a meaning of feeling? You are a writer. Don't let others take that away from you. You are a writer because you write dam it.

[adventuresinclientservice]

The year in review (or the fruitless search for a title to this post).

Each anniversary of the past dozen years I’ve been tormented with the need to come up with a suitable title idea.  One year it was “In praise of unknown heroes.”  For another it was “A minor moment in a major life.”  For a third it was “Ideas are where you find them.” 

As I struggle with this one, I have an Occam’s Razor moment; I call it, “The year in review.”  Not scintillating, but serviceable.

This year there were 48 posts, 13 of which devoted to various aspects of before, during, and now after my trip to Bucharest, to speak at the International Advertising Association’s Annual Conference on “Why Client Service is an Art.”

Thirteen posts?  In a year?  What in heaven’s name possessed you to do this?  Why not just write one, or maybe two, as you do with most other workshops you give or speeches you deliver?  Was this an act of mindless, I-can’t-find-anything-else-to-write-about, ego-driven behavior?

True that, but this was an event like no other.

Take an unusual location, add a breathtaking venue and a line-up of talented, international presenters, then combine it with the most professional production I’ve ever had the honor in which to participate, and you have something extraordinary.  Not to you necessarily, but to me the conference and my participation in it deserve the time and attention I devoted to it. 

In fact, if this proves to be the last time I present – I surely hope not -- at least my exit was memorable.    

What about the other 36 posts?  Are any worth the time to read?  There are three I would single out:

“When advertising mattered.”

“At 233,000 a second, are Superbowl ads worth the money?”

“Final words.”

The first, because it celebrates an agency not just because of its creativity, but because of its integrity, something in short supply at most advertising and marketing agencies I know.  We often sell out when we should be walking out instead.

The second, because it explains in detail what makes an effective ad on the most celebrated, and expensive advertising outlet in the world.  So-called great agencies are responsible for much of what we see, so why are so many ads complete and utter failures, dismissible, perishable, and anything but memorable?

The third, because it offers counsel on an often-overlooked skill that is critical to everyone’s success, most particularly Account and client service people.

To those (few) of you who discovered Adventures in Client Service this year, thank you for becoming readers, even if it’s sporadic and fleeting.

And to those who have been with me since the beginning of time (2010) – the Ken Ohlemeyer’s, Rick English’s, and Peter Van Bloem’s of the world – you have my gratitude for sticking it out and sticking with me.

Even if it’s only a monologue, I look forward to our conversation the next 12 months!

[jonkentdeservesbetter]

So I watched 3x02. I…have thoughts on Lois having cancer, but I don’t know how to write it all together in a way that makes sense? So I’m just gonna ramble my thoughts *shrug*

I guess I’ll start off with the blunt truth (in true Lois-Lane-style): I don’t want this.

Something that’s being said a lot by a good number of fans about this, is that, after both seasons 1 & 2 - S2 especially - this really does not work. Lois has pretty much only had really traumatic and/or emotionally devastating focus, if it’s just hers I mean. Obviously there’s been some fluff in this show, but…first we had Lois feeling less important to Clark in S1 to his other stuff, then her miscarriage storyline, then the almost dying because of Tal and losing her husband to brainwashing and begging for his life, then S2 starts and she’s reliving her trauma with her mother abandoning her, her sister betraying her and her career+integrity being questioned (no resolution to the Ally plot WRT Lois, honestly, which still tastes bitter to me). The whole of season 2 for Lois following that - like. do I truly need to go point by point? Literally S2 was Awful to her.

And now, S3 opens, and she discovers she wants another baby. But not only can she not have that right now (and Clark seemed hesitant but playing along, so maybe not at all and she’s gonna havefta find out later, as she’s dealing with Everything Else), she’s got aggressive, deadly cancer! Hooray 😒 /s.

Like. Why the fuck is it only this? Always?

I hate it. And don’t mistake me: I am very, very chronically ill myself, I KNOW what kind of strength it takes to be THIS sick, to be so weak in the limbs, having to lock yourself in the bathroom for hours because of the more gross stuff, being so fatigued you just can’t shower without help, etc. This is absolutely a storyline that can show strength, because, frankly, the mental fortitude required, and having to completely reshape the way you think, all while grieving losing the autonomy, the functioning of your body, is MASSIVE.

But Lois has been through E-FUCKING-NOUGH ALREADY. We know her strength! We know she’s badass! This is just. It’s just utterly unnecessary and painful and cruel.

This isn’t the storyline she should’ve had.

That’s it. That’s my post.

[allegedlyfranzferdinand]

Mockingbird Summer

Yesterday I killed a fish. This is the sort of thing that happens when you go fishing, but I find that I cannot stop thinking about it.

I am trying to imagine what it must be like to be pulled into a great bright world that is not your own, to be gasping and dying while a stranger tries to rip out of your throat the hook that they put there.

Why did I think writing about it would help?

The first time that day a fish swallowed a hook, I was able to save it, or at least that’s what I’m telling myself.

We had a good rhythm, for a while. One of us caught a fish, and usually I would free it. They had brought a little blue towel, but i did not know what it was for until I saw one of them putting it between their hand and the fish. This, and some other things, exposed some fundamental differences in the way that each of us was taught to fish. I was taught to comb down the spines with my hand, to split worms with my thumbnail. It was easier and harder than I remembered, and the sense of my father was overwhelming.

That is not to say that he was “there”, whatever that means. I do not believe in ghosts. Not in real life, anyway. The ghost of him in my head, though, goes on and on and on, and sometimes my shoulder feels a big heavy hand, which is a complete lie anyway because he never even touched us much like that anyway. I guess I imagine sometimes hugging him around the middle and squeezing, but everyone knows that memories come to nothing anyway. I do not want to forget but I am tired of remembering all the time.

The first fish that swallowed a hook was a largemouth bass. There are bluegills, largemouth bass, and catfish in the pond. I caught only bluegills that day. The fish I killed was a bluegill. The fish I maybe saved (maybe) was a largemouth bass, though, which did help. You know that they have taken the hook wrong when you pull them out of the water and they are bleeding. I assume that fish lips feel as much pain as the rest of them, but they must be made of cartilage because they do not bleed, and you can pretend.

This fish was bleeding. At the back of the mouth of a fish there is a little closed-up hole, like a sphincter or a socket, pink like a rose. When first the fish was presented to me for un-hooking, we feared that the whole of the hook had gone into its belly, and was only tearing it up further and further from the inside. But once we got the worm out of the way, pushed up the line like something much bigger on a spit, we saw that it had gone only partway, and though the blood was flowing still, the hook could be removed. I did it, though it took me too long and I am not so optimistic about his future.

That kind of thing seemed never to happen when it was my father and I. I kept trying to remember, especially after I killed the fish, but I could not remember a single time. Maybe I was better, or the fish were fewer (my mother used the word “overstocked” to talk about the pond when I told her about killing the fish) or there was something else unknowable about it that made it better. But I do not think that is true. I think maybe it happened as often then as it did now and my dad took care of it, and I did not know, or maybe I did not care because I was a child, and children have precious little empathy for living things.

Anyway, I thought that largemouth bass would be the worst of it, but there was still my fish to kill.

Along the way we discovered to my embarrassment that the part of the pond shore that we were fishing on was in fact private property, andthe people who owned the house did not recognize me. This was somewhat disquieting, because I think it is always strange to not be recognized in the place that you live. I do not blame him, though. I look different now, and I forgot the right words to say to him.

I caught the fish I killed quickly, and if I was happy it did not last very long because I saw quickly that it was bleeding and I have already said what the bleeding means. Largemouth bass have true names, and so do bluegills, but this means that the mouth of the fish I killed was small and difficult--impossible--to do anything in. I have no idea how that big golden hook even made its way in there. Possibly it slithered in like a snake, with my father’s blessing, just to make sure that I did not have a happy ending, because he hates those.

The worm would not come out of its mouth; it refused to slide obligingly up the thing that had killed it, even while it was helping me kill that fish. The fish twitched and twitched in my hands and the twitching made me feel better, even though in hindsight it is clear that it went on twitching for a while after it was dead. Eventually I ripped the worm up the line and could see the hook, horizontally skewering the soft fleshy back of the fish’s mouth. I could even see the barbed end poking out of the pink, taunting. But the mouths of bluegills are small and I knew in an instant that I could never get it out. I still tried, though I knew it was hurting it. I cut the line and cut it loose and all it did in the water was float there like a dead fish and I knew that the golden hook was still in its mouth because it’s still in mine too.

[crackinglamb]

I haven’t read your DAI stuff so (no dunk on you, I just can’t get into the game) pick out a piece of a favourite scene and give me a break down!

🥰 I know you're not a fan of the games, and therefore probably not a fan of Solas. So I very much appreciate the ask. Thank you so much. I'll keep as much of the shippy-ness out of this as possible but it is the lens I dissect him under, so to speak. Hope you're strapped in and/or reasonably comfortable. This is long.

I picked a very short snippet for a little context and setup:

“Can you walk?” she asked. He nodded once, pushing on the wall to use its leverage to gain his feet. He wavered there until she sighed and wrapped her arm around his waist. She didn't speak again until she'd half dragged, half led him back across the courtyard to an unassuming wooden door, crooked on its hinges. She kicked it behind her once they were through it, and turned to him, a stern expression on her face. “I shouldn't let you in.”

“No, you shouldn't,” he rasped out. “You cannot know what danger I have brought to you.”

Lark lifted a sardonic eyebrow at him, then huffed in exasperation. She hauled his arm back over her shoulders and led him deeper into what remained of the compound. “Foolish wolf.” (From A Fallow Season)

So...first of all, I never intended to go down this rabbit hole. I know I say it a lot, but it's still true. Before I played the game, all I knew of Solas was some spoilers and fanon. It painted a very polarized picture. It wasn't until I did some research (for another DA fic) that I discovered why. He's trying to fix a mistake. He's doing it completely the wrong way, with a head full of pedantic arrogance and misguided ideals. He's a disaster on legs. But at his core, this is who he is: a man trying to atone for something he did.

And suddenly I was fascinated. I do understand why people dislike him, especially on a surface level. I have Opinions about it, but that's not what you're asking for. I wanted to know, what makes him tick? What possible inducement could get him to not destroy the world?

After writing hundreds of thousands of words on the subject, I got deeper into the lore and history of Thedas and started wondering if there was another perspective to bring into play other than my usual Modern Girl In Thedas. Thus, Lark Cadash was born. Dwarves in Thedas are interesting in that they are depicted as a dwindling race, not from their own doing, but by the doings of others. Leaving out MUCH of the endemic problems BW has with trying to create races other than humans, dwarves are equally as fascinating to me.

They've lost almost all of their culture too, just like elves. They're divided as a people. They have long memories. Lark was designed to defenestrate canon (my specialty), and be one of those that was trained to keep the history of her people alive rather than just be a Plot Relevant Thug(tm). I mean, she is that too, just reluctantly. In brief, she and Solas find they're very alike, actually want the same thing, although by different means, and they knowingly fall in doomed love. (As far as they know. Since I'm the author, I know what will actually happen at the end.) Someday I'll get the longfic finished.

This fic takes place at some vague future date when he's 'succeeded' at his plans. It's the classic 'I had nowhere else to go' protag/antag dynamic. It was both a chance to dig into what might happen down the line and to bring two old lovers back together a final time before it ends in tragedy. It's a favorite because it came out of my head as this almost lyrical series of scenes building towards a climax of mutual sacrifice. 'All is lost, but for one moment, we had each other.'

That's not normally my cup of tea, I like happy endings. But every now and then I get in a mood where I just want something angsty. I tend to keep it in oneshots, where it's over pretty quickly. 😆

The prompt it came from was 'they are together, but only for the winter'. And it grabbed me by the throat and wouldn't let go. It's both beautiful and despairing. It exists in a time of bleakness, on many levels. Originally it was roughly 300 words long, very direct and to the point. I kept getting more and more details and ideas for it, though, so I just started writing them. There's a bit of stream of consciousness in its layout that still bugs me a little, but otherwise I'm happy with it.

One of the things I've discovered about Solas as a character/narrative foil is that who he is set against brings out a lot of different facets to him. Like I said, I get why some people don't like him. He's incredibly complex and for the most part well written. It's fun to deep dive into his psyche. Ultimately it's what keeps me writing about him. And if you read this far, thank you. 😊

From this post. Askbox is still open.

[hindiimages]

The Art of Being Completely Independent

The woman who measured my temperature is younger than I am. Her skin is flawless and glowing, unlike mine, which is dry and dull. I am only now noticing that her face is nearly smiling, as her eyes are almost full of smiles. She wears a crisp, white shirt over a teal cardigan. Her accents in the gold necklace are also teal. I stare down at the back of my hand and notice a coffee stain on my sweatshirt's arm.

As she examines me, I explain that it was just a cold and that I was going to be away for 2 months. Sweetly curious, and excited for me as a stranger, she asks me where I'm heading. I tell her it's a small Vermont community. I respond that I am not working from home, but I simply want to go on a trip. She wants to know if she knows anyone up there and if I'm visiting friends or family. I answer no again. Now my voice is shaky. I can see the confusion on her face. Alone? She asks. I smile. She smiles.

Also read: Koi Kisi Ka Nahi Hota Quotes

It's not the most bizarre thing in this world to give up my New York apartment and subway traumas and move to a farmhouse with mountain views for less rent. People find it strange that a single 36-year-old woman can leave New York to live alone for six months. People are not comfortable with me being alone at a time when most people expect that I will be settling down. They expect me as a woman to tell them that I don’t want to have children or believe in marriage. This will give them permission to stop worrying about me. Even though I wish I was one of these women who could display her disinterest in these normal paths, I'm not. I'd love to find love. I always thought I would have kids. It's not happening. But, what I am realizing is that it isn't a question of whether or not these things are for me. Yes, sounds great. I'm more interested in the question: at what cost?

Women's late thirties may be the end of their fertility. But they also appear to signal the start of a higher level of self-discovery. Many of us, including my friend and childless woman friends, are starting to take a closer look at our lives as we enter the pressure cooker. When life seems to be going in a certain direction -- like the ending of most movies, books, and stories for women -- then it doesn’t, you must ask yourself where you are headed. Forcing myself into this was a hard but necessary step. It's also the best thing that has ever happened to me. This was how I began to accept writing seriously, after so many years spent trying unsuccessfully, but with great ambition, to have it all. While on many fronts, I find myself diverging from the path that I always imagined, I did discover love.

It becomes complicated when you realize that you are responsible for creating and caring about a new person, when it may be the last chance you have to achieve what everyone else is aspiring to. I enjoy sitting alone in my apartment. This is something that I've accepted recently as my absolute favorite thing to be doing. But, I worry about my future self and the vengeance I will feel for not dating earlier. My inner child is constantly haunted by the parental chorus saying there is no greater power than having children. Even though I've spent decades chasing love, I don't feel more complete and fulfilled than I do right now, in my own company.

I get a lot of laughs when people tell me that I love being alone. I would love to be with someone who loves and cares about me. If I decide to interrupt my writing with a Tinder dating date because I must meet my love of mine tomorrow, then I don't have to make the decision whether to go out and have children. I weigh whether interrupting what I'm doing is the best option.

Even now I have too many options for how I want to spend my free time. The question of whether I want children is still an enigma. These days, I question if it is true that I desire children as often or as frequently as I contemplate another snack. My deepest conviction is that I don’t desire children. My suspicion is that any desire is only a superficial concern about how far I'll be without them. In the same way, I feel at home without a partner. Emotionally, I feel out of place when my hair's natural, wild, and exactly how I want it. Emotionally, the same goes for me when I don’t want to venture outside when it’s sunny. Because the only ground I want is the ugly territory of my mind. And I’d rather be able to do that from the safety of my own couch.

To my friends and relatives, I claim that I'm moving to Vermont to start writing. A self-made "writers' retreat" I created. Being completely alone for two weeks is another matter. I want not to feel bad doing the things that feel right to me. I want to exist in an environment where there is no partnership so I can be who I am for myself and not think about how I should be for another person. I want the freedom to just be me, without having to think about what I should do. I want it to feel good to look at myself in the mirror. I don't need to pretend I did anything or spend money to try to emulate someone else. I want the uninterrupted joy that comes from being alone to be able to trust it later when many people tell me it's not enough. I want the ability to discover what it is I really want even when no one is available to explain.

[amaya-writes]

Hello! As I asked on a comment, could you do a sequel of "they thought you cheated" with "whey discover they were wrong?" Or something like that, with the setters realising you never cheated and they were wrong about you? How would they try to make amend?

INSTALLATION 4 FOR DATING THE SETTER’S ASK GAME

Note: this is like a part 2 to day four but where they realise they were wrong. I know I originally wrote headcanons for all of these but I ended up writing a drabble for some of them. Also, Kenma's was sad 😭 I'm sorry I just couldn't help it.

Characters involved: Sugawara Koushi, Kenma Kozume, Kageyama Tobio, Oikawa Toru, Miya Atsumu, Akaashi Keiji

Gender-neutral reader, you/yours

Sugawara Koushi

As I said in the previous part he would seek you out before jumping to conclusions. So he's quick to apologise when he finds out you actually didn't cheat.

"Sorry baby, what can I do to make it up to you?"

He heavily believes in talking things out so Sugawara will probably have a stay at home dinner date with you where he explains why he thought you were cheating and the two of you come to an understanding.

Feels very guilty about it and you can tell by his actions and the way he's super sweet to you.

Sugawara just feels like he betrayed your trust by ever doubting you.

Kenma Kozume

We need to talk.

The text had been flashing up at him from his phone screen for the past twenty minutes, ever since he had come to the school roof just like you had asked.

What Kenma hadn't expected was for you to show up with Lev of all people.

"What is he doing here?"

Usually, Kenma wouldn't be so spiteful towards his teammate, especially not when Lev had been nothing but nice to him during volleyball.

But it was his niceness that was the real problem to Kenma. After all, why else would you be so close to Lev if it wasn't because you were cheating?

"Did you really ask Lev if I was cheating on you with him?"

You seemed betrayed as you asked the question, with your broken voice and sunken face making Kenma second-guess his conclusions for the first time that week.

"Yes."

"And?"

Kenma felt his own gaze sink to the ground as he repeated what Lev had said to him the previous day. Something he refused to believe until it was too late.

"Lev said I should be grateful I have a partner who is so nice and loves me completely and should spend time with you rather than suspecting you other I'll make our relationship self destruct."

The roof remained silent for a second.

Kenma only realised Lev had left once he saw your familiar shoes come into his line of sight, which made him once again look up to meet your gaze.

"We need a break, Ken."

"What? Why?"

He usually wasn't one to be emotional, but Kenma couldn't help the panic that seeped into his voice at your words.

"I need to figure out what I feel about this."

You left before he could say anything more, leaving Kenma alone on the rooftop to contemplate his actions.

Maybe it was true what Lev said. Maybe Kenma didn't need anyone else to destroy your relationship for him. After all, he already did that by himself.

Kageyama Tobio

"No."

All the fight in his body seemed to leave him the second you said that word.

When Kageyama had come to the back of the school to confront you he had done so with the will to make you feel just as bad as he did, to make you realise what exactly you had lost in your quest to be with someone else.

Kageyama wanted to break your heart like you did his. But that was hard to do when you never cheated in the first place.

He didn't bother speaking much after that, choosing to sink to the ground and fiddle with the blades of grass under him as he contemplated what to do next.

You didn't cheat, but that still didn't fix things. He had been quick to doubt you, and now that he realised he was the wrong one, Kageyama had to find a way to fix it.

"Come here."

The fact that he had nearly lost you didn't quite hit him until Kageyama felt you in his arms again, but this time, he was determined to never let go.

"I'm sorry."

It wasn't enough, Kageyama had still betrayed your trust by doubting you that way, but for now, as the two of you sat on the grass in each other's arms again, it was enough to bring back a sense of normalcy to your relationship.

Which was exactly what Kageyama needed in order to fix things.

Oikawa Toru

Oikawa felt like shit.

He had walked away. He hadn't even given you a chance to explain before leaving you behind.

Oikawa had let his insecurities get the better of him and painted a picture in his mind that was never really there, and now he would pay the price.

He could hear your sobs even before he opened the door, with the sound making his heart shatter when he realised he was the reason behind your sorrow.

However, this time when he saw you sitting with Mattsun in the locker room Oikawa didn't feel his familiar sense of anger and jealousy, but cold hard guilt.

The kind that had him bowing his head and silently asking for Mattsun to leave so he could fix things. That was, of course, if you wanted them fixed.

Oikawa had never felt more relieved than he did with you back in his arms again.

All wasn't forgiven. You were still upset and angry and ready to take out your emotions on him, giving him a taste of his own medicine, but Oikawa was prepared to face whatever punishment you gave him.

He just hoped he didn't lose you to his insecurities.

Miya Atsumu

Atsumu was angry. Actually, he was furious.

But this time his emotions were directed at himself rather than you.

He had let what other people said get to him. Had allowed himself to believe that you just dated him for the five seconds of fame and really liked Suna or Kita or any of the other members of the team you seemed close to.

Atsumu felt furious at his sheer stupidity, but above all, he felt remorseful.

"I'm sorry. I let what they said get to me."

Somehow, Atsumu felt worse than he had before when he felt your arms wrap around him. The way you were understanding, so sweet and willing to forgive, it was enough to worsen his guilt.

But this time Atsumu wouldn't let his feelings or other peoples' words get in the way. This time, he would make it up to you, and stay by your side.

You might have forgiven him easily, but Atsumu wouldn't allow himself to feel better until he forgave himself. And he knew just what to do to make things better.

Akaashi Keiji

Akaashi knew his worth, but he also knew yours.

He knew that he was wrong the second he called you to his house and asked you why you cheated. He knew that he would lose you the moment he realised you felt and looked just as betrayed as he had.

Akaashi knew he had messed up. He just wished you would give him a chance to make it up to you.

Ever since the two of you had gotten together he had felt a sense of happiness take over, one that allowed him to feel content with himself and his life.

He liked you, he truly liked you a lot. Akaashi even thought somewhere down the line he would come to love you.

He just hoped that you would give him the second chance to do that. That you had simply walked out of his door and hadn't taken the initiative to walk out of his life.

Akaashi was wrong, but he would be damned if he didn't do everything in his power to make things right.