#at least theres a week until the next one so i will probably be more ready for that one

[yellowistheraddest]

first exam is tomorrow and honestly i need some divine intervention

[altruistic-meme]

so it looks like im probably calling out from work. 🙃 again. 🙃🙃🙃

[gatorbites-imagines]

Logan begging for it.... so sweetly we cant refuse..... when he knows reader needs his sleep..... taking it in his even when it stays soft...... cockwarming reader while we sleeps.....

Yes im writing whis as I fall asleep

Logan Howlett x male reader

headcanons

I was gonna write a longer thing, but a migraine decided to kick my ass all of a sudden, so here I am simply rambling about this.

Imagine having a normal but exhausting day job. You’re no hero, no vigilante, no nothing, you’re just a guy. And you somehow ended up charming the pants off of The Wolverine of all people. How? You have no idea

Dating Logan is a real treat, even with his roughness and sometimes standoffish personality. When you guys really get close, he starts to get more vulnerable.

Along with vulnerable emotionally, he also starts to get a much stronger libido, seeing as he has a partner now. Him having a healing factor doesn’t help you in this case, since it means he has very little recovery time.

Seeing Logan, one would think hed be the dominant one, something you assumed in the beginning too. That was until you guys got intimate the first time and he shoved you onto your back to ride you instead.

There were no complaints from you obviously, because who’d mind having someone like that riding you? Logan in his broad, hairy and so very heavy way, lifting himself up and down on you like it was barely a workout.

You have to remind him to be careful though, multiple times, seeing as his bones make him extra heavy, and your poor hips are that of the average person.

Having a partner with a libido like that though, also means Logan is always raring to go, almost waiting for you by the door when you get home from your shift, like an old gruff dog waiting for affection.

The first week or two of you coming home dead on your feet and passing out on the couch the moment you sat down passed… as well as they could for Logan. He wouldn’t force you to do anything you hadn’t agreed with, but God, is he starting to get antsy.

After way too long, in Logans opinion at least, he finally can’t take it anymore. Being the Loverboy he secretly is, he at least brings you to your shared bed before clambering on top of you again.

You’re just too exhausted to do much other than pet at his thighs, eyes already drooping, but his almost timid but so desperate begging keeps you awake longer than other days. When you sleepily agree, Logan kisses you so hungrily you almost lose your breath.

You stay somewhat awake in the beginning as he works your clothes off, being kind enough not to rip it even if logan really really wanted too. He knows its your work clothes, and you’ve scolded him enough times about ripping up your clothes at this point.

It was hard to even really stay awake as Logan worked you hard, just enough for him to slide down on you, his groans sounding like he was a starving man having his first bite of food in weeks. Had you not been struggling to keep your eyes open, you might have teased him.

When Logan leans forward and just rests his weight on you, that was the last straw. Who could stay awake with such a warm heavy weight pressing down on them, like your own personal weighted wolverine blanket.

Logan didn’t even really feel the need to ride you or get himself off, he just wanted to be close to you like this, to feel you inside him and press up against you. So having slowly doze off under him wasn’t a bother, especially as you mumble for him to just keep going.

Most of the night is majorly used by Logan to just tuck his face into your neck and huff your scent, or rub his own against you. You will wake up with beard burns, sorry but those at the rules. Theres probably some chew marks and hickeys mixed in there too, Logans possessive.

You do wake up with very sore hips the next morning. In the comics he’s 300 lbs, but that’s with his comic height, so if were going off of movie Logan he weighs even more. And no matter how much you work out, that’s gotta make you sore.

You don’t really mind though, especially as Logan makes sure you massage your hips in ways you didn’t even know were possible. This also just gives Logan an excuse to lick and gnaw at you more, and to rub more of his scent into you, and yours into him.

Yes, you limp that day, and probably the day after. Luckily you’re able to work from home. This of course also means you have Logan on your dick the entire time, even if its just your mutant lover crawling under the blanket to get his mouth on you.

[theblueflower05]

These Violent Delights: Chapter One

A/N: Thanks for bearing with when it came to getting this first chapter out! Work has been dragging me by my hair, but i'm going to try to get this story updated every week. At least until I’m able to work through this Spike Fearn brain rot I’ve got going on rn.

Warnings: This story is pretty heavy from the jump. I mean, check the source material. Talks of suicidal thoughts and tendencies. Loneliness. Smut coming later!

Pariring: Bjorn x Reader

Summary: A friendship is formed under the most unlikely of circumstances.

✨Masterlist

✨Playlist

Next Chapter

Every day is exactly the same.

The sentiment runs through your head as you blearily blink up at the water stained ceiling. The comforter is tangled around your legs and your mouth is dry- a side effect from the sleeping pills. The shrill ringing of the alarm is the only indication that the morning has rose on the horizon, outside the singular window in your apartment it is still black as pitch. Your joints crack when you finally force yourself out of bed.

You go through your morning routine in an almost mechanical manner. Shower. Brush teeth. Get dressed in the standard issued trousers and blouse you’d been given when you got your assignment- the holes you’d sewn up yourself are barely noticeable. Barley. Clip your hair back. Even the movements as you eat the tar like oatmeal feel too practiced. Fake.

Lately, you’ve found you dont feel very real anymore. There’s probably droid’s walking around, wires for veins, that feel less hollow than you do.

Jackson Star is a planet in the Alfeios system, and in the 11 years you’ve been stationed here you’ve realized, that it is a planet that should've never been colonized. It’s harsh, by nature. Sweltering summers followed by frigid winters, and the ever present, extremely active volcanoes. The atmospheric processors can only do so much.

And they cant do shit about the lack of sun.

They can try to replicate it; expensive lamps and vitamin C tablets acting like a cheap knock off. Like Weyland-Yutani Corps way of saying sorry we dropped you in hell- here's the shittiest consolation prize in the galaxy.

This particular Friday is gloomier then usual, rain accompanying the dark. The walk down the cluttered streets feels even more…hopeless than usual. Like maybe this is all there is. Blurring lights of neon signs and the ruddy faces of children that hold out their hands on corners, begging for their next meal.

Like maybe if you stepped in front of the bus in this cross walk- then it would end the loop. You’d be able to get out of this eternally dark purgatory.

They aren't new thoughts, but you lifting your foot to step of the curb is. You go numb, not thinking or feeling as you step into oncoming traffic.

Theres the blaring honk of a heavy hand on a horn and then you're being yanked backwards, hard.

You gasp as you’re pulled back onto the sidewalk and out of the way of oncoming traffic. You’re equal parts grateful and disappointed. But mostly you’re shocked.

The girl is small statured, her brown eyes wide behind unruly curls. She curses filthy and fast in Spanish.

Her gaze makes you feel uncomfortably scene. Its assessing and…worried. Its been a long time since anyone worried about you. “Are you alright?”

You’re taken aback by her question.

“I’m fine. Didn’t see the cars coming” you don’t understand why you’re explaining yourself to this stranger. It’s probably the hot embarrassment that’s pointing your face red.

She doesn’t look amused by your answer but nods slowly “Okay…”

The signal turns red, the cross walk sign lights up and you’re gone, fast as your feet can take you away from your unlikely savior. Leaving her standing there, confused.

“You’re welcome!” Comes her snark filled holler. You don’t blame her. But with the shame filling you, you also can’t look at her. You just give a haphazard wave behind you. A piss poor thanks, you know.

You hope you never see her again.

-

After the blip this morning, the routine persists- until it doesnt.

The office is how it always is. Bleak. The yellow lights flickering and the wallpaper peeling. Patty, a heavy set woman with an acidic smile sits at the front desk. The grim reaper at the mouth of the river Styx. It’s pleasantries, your badge is scanned and then you find your way back to your cubicle. As ready as anyone can be to stare at a screen and four walls for the next twelve hours.

Maybe it’s something in the damp air, but once again, the day deviates from the norm.

You only ever work with electronic filing. Sorting piles and piles of e-documents into they Weyland/Yutani system. An office grunt you’ve been called. And yet today they want you up front, something about “Yolanda from zoning and housing” missing a day because her son is dying from black lung. God forbid she want to be by his side. It leaves the office understaffed.

“I’m not trained for that position” you try to reason but it falls on deaf ears. There are numbers to be punched, and your lack of true no how doesn't really matter. You begrudgingly leave your familiar desk, taking only the thermos of hot coffee with me. Small mercies, really.

Front desk is as hellish as one would think it would be. Between having to interact with real human beings, not the computers you’re used to combined with Patty’s snooty remarks; you’re absolutely jonsing to get the fuck out of there and go home by the afternoon.

In the back office the digital copying machine is down for the fifth time this week. All of the filing systems have honestly been off- a result of the shitty outdated tech on this planet.

“Ugh- they really dont know what they're doing back there” Patty sighs, muttering under her beath about how she doesnt get paid enough for this shit “Im going to go help. Again. Keep your head down and follow the guideline on the forms” she gives me stern instructions and a side eye “And dont touch my stories”

She cares more about the trashy soap operas she watches on her tablet then the mother she just evicted from her apartment.

Where’s a fucking droid when you need one? This is most definitely a job that shouldn't be done by anyone with a conscience.

With dread in your stomach you put on a brave face as the security system announces the next client;

Oh.

It’s a girl. With a small stature and wide brown eyes. Ones that reflect the same recognition you feel. It takes a moment for you to swallow the surprise.

“Name” You demand in a practiced voice. The shakiness you feel not transmuting to your tone. Or at least you hope it doesnt.

“Kay Harrison” and just like that, she’s not a stranger anymore “I’m here for an appointment”

You type quickly, plugging in the details on the keyboard. Pulling up her file. Scanning the information quickly. “Yes, I can see that. Here to formally request an eviction extension”

Damn. Thats tough.

“Yes. But only because we truly will be able to pay it next week. I brought not only mine but my brothers work logs and proof of direct deposit-” she pulls out a beat up old tablet and slides it under the glass. “We’ll be able to get the rent paid in full by the fourth”

What kind of cruel fate is this? The most twisted form of serendipity. She saved you this morning and now you have to co-sign on her eviction this afternoon.

You know it doesn't matter, you saw their file. The Harrisons arent newbies to being late for rent and their landlord is chomping at the bit to get them out.

“I’ll scan these into your case but at this point in the process it really doesn't matter” at your words, panic induced tears fill her eyes.

“No- because. We’re late. But we always pay. We’ve never been negligent, not on purpose. Since my dad died we’ve done our best” Kay rambles an explanation that doesn't matter and you feel frozen. Stuck. Conflicted in a way that you we’re supposed to have trained out of you.

“I cant-” you sigh and she looks pathetic. Drained…void.

A feeling you know all too well. That had almost led you right into the grill of a bus this very morning. And yet- she’d stepped in.

You gnaw on your lip and as discreetly as possible, your eyes scan around the empty office. Your co-workers still not back yet. You’re the only one in here. Its madness, but if there was any time to act on madness- it would be now.

You begin typing furiously, entering in codes that a normal front desk clerk wouldn't know, it isn’t in their training. But you’d been trained for filing.

“An extension wont be needed” You speak purposefully, giving Kay a pointed look “The landlord marked the eviction for the fifth. That gives you three more days to get a payment in before the constable is scheduled to come for the lock out”

There’s a moment of heavy silence.

The landlord had actually marked the second but well. It’s an easy enough over turn. Easy, but extremely illegal. You just did something that could not only cost you your job but risk your contract. Land you in jail-

“He marked the wrong date…” Kay chews the words, like she cant believe what she’s saying.

“Yep” I say quickly, finishing up, covering my ass by copying multiple files into the system. It would be hard as shit to uncover it, if anyone cared to bother. Kay’s just another file in the hundreds today. “Here you go, Miss Harrison. You have seventy two hours to get the payment to the respective party. If not the constable will be there to conduct the eviction”

I slide her tablet back towards her.

“I- I don't know what to say” She stutters and you give her a glare. You don't have the time for groveling, for un- needed thanks. As far as you’re concerned, you are now even.

“Don't say anything. Take your things and go”

I don't look at her again, not even when she leaves. Instead I refocus on my computer screen. Trying to breathe through the nerves that wrack my body. That was just about the stupidest thing you’ve ever done.

Your heart beats furiously and it’s the most alive you’ve felt in months.

-

After that it seems like something has been broken. The pattern no longer functions.

Jackson Star is by no means a small colony. Thousands strong, full of unfamiliar faces. And yet. You keep running into the same one.

“Here, I grabbed you a coffee. Extra sugar, like ya like, even though it’s going to rot your teeth out” Kay waits for you at the same corner that the two of you had met on. Weeks ago. She’d hunted you down after that fateful day and had shown that she wasn't giving up on showing her gratitude so easily.

Having friends in the colony is a dangerous game. Every friend you’ve ever had has either been transferred off planet or died. And yet here you are, eagerily bounding over to Kay. Taking the paper cup full of cheap coffee.

“My teeth are my own business thank you”

And it goes like this; the train station where Kay catches her ride to the mines isn't far from your job so the two of you make your morning commute together, gabbing about nothing. It's nice. It feels familiar, you used to have loads of friends.

Kay’s easy to talk to and she shares so much of herself so freely. Her little stories about her family make you smile. Make you feel warmth, and secretly longing. And yet still, every time the topic of you meeting everyone comes up you shy away.

Being friends with Kay is one thing. Meeting the most important people in her life is another.

She offers again today. Dinner at her house, ya’ know, the one she still has because of you. It’ll be lowkey. Just the friends. Fun.

Although you crave it, you’re scared of it too. That’s why you’re shaking your head, giving another of those flimsy excuses. Kay just pats your arm.

“If you change your mind, you’re still more than welcome to come. I’ll text you the details, okay?” She’s got this way about her. Gentle but not condescending, a hard balance to strike. Too bad she’s on this near barren planet, she’d be a great mother.

“I’ll keep that in mind, thank you”

When the two of you hit the proverbial fork in the road- you go your way and she goes hers. You to the office and her to the mines. Both prisons in their own rights.

You watch her cross the street and join a tall man at the train station. His skin’s the same shade as hers, his eyes the same almond shape. He’s handsome in a way that you’ve only seen on screens, in those old movies your mom used to watch.

This must be the older brother she talks so much about. Tyler.

He says something you can’t quite decipher to her and then looks over her shoulder, across the street at you, and beams.

Its not a normal smile. It’s pearly whites flashed at you in a way that makes your heart skip a beat in your chest. When he gives you a smooth wave you feel like you might be knocked over.

You just know the grimace and jerky hand motion you give back is as awkward as it feels.

If you obsess about how much of an antisocial weirdo you are all day, that’s your own prerogative.

I mean come on? You can’t even manage to wave back at someone? You truly need to get it together.

You think about that as you eat dinner at your makeshift table that night. Maybe, you’re just out of practice. You’re not awkward, just dusty. You just haven’t spoken to anyone for more then five minutes since your upstairs neighbor had a pipe burst.

It’s what leads you to pulling out your phone, to pulling up Kay’s contact. It’s still new. Still fresh.

Is there anything I should bring?

You don’t have to wait long for a response.

Kay: Nope, just yourself!😊 [location attachment] see you tomorrow.

You stare at her response on the small bright screen until your eyes burn. This is the change you had craved so badly.

So why are you so scared?

This chapter kind of took on a life of its own. I so desperately wanted to have Bjorn in this but there was just- a lot of ground to cover. Next chapter we’re jumping right into introducing him (and smut towards a the end of that chapter to!)

Big shout out to @spikedfearn for letting me ramble like a crazy lady in her inbox. Her Bjorn content literally makes me salivate.

If anyone else is still going through Romulus hyperfixation please feel free to comment or send asks! I’m always here to chat!

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

WIBTA For Snitching On My Brother?

tl;dr at the end, the submissions a bit long. sorry if this sounds like stupid teen drama, but i needed outside opinions. (tw for mentions of attempted suicide)

so for a bit of context here, me (14nb) and my brother (14m) both have Parental RestrictionsTM on our phones. In my opinion they are way more severe than they need to be. i am not allowed to have any social media at all, my mother barely tolerates discord. I cannot text anyone who is not my direct sibling or parent from 9pm at night to noon the next day and i cant use any "nonessential" apps during that time frame too. my brother has the same restrictions on his phone, but he has safari removed because my mother said he was playing "random internet games". however, he has found ways around this and ways around the app restrictions. i know how he does it. i really dont have any intention of telling our mother, its none of my business and i honestly dont care that much.

I recently moved to a new school. My brother and i were homeschooled prior to this during covid. And it was fine. We went to a homeschool co-op twice a week. A year ago we were both enrolled in Local Community College as dual enrollment students. A semester into that i was Not Vibing Well and ended up having a breakdown and getting a therapist. I would talk to her directly about this but i havent been able to see her in weeks due to scheduling conflicts. The workload seemed too much to me, there was no longer a distinction between School and Home. i felt like i was constantly on the clock, and i barely saw my friends. In addition to other factors at my co-op, I got very lonely. At that time the limits on my phone were 9pm-3pm (it was later edited to 9am to noon) . I cant remember exactly what happened, but i asked my mother to at least change the communication limits so that i could talk to my friends during the day. She said no, stating that I Do Not Need to Communicate With Friends During The School Day. i do not have a real “school day” i am at home basically 5/7 days of the week. And normal kids see their friends every day at school. The argument got dropped then.

Fast forward half a year, i felt increasingly lonely, out of place, bothersome, etc, at my co-op and have decided to try going to Local Public Highschool. This meant leaving my best friend (14f)  whom i love dearly (for the purposes of this post i will call her Z). Z is one of my favorite people in the whole world, we got platonically married, I lovingly refer to her as “my wife”, and i would genuinely die for her. She got a phone over the summer which means we have a better way to communicate, replacing discord as the primary communication system. Also at that time one of my best online friends fucked up their discord account somehow and the whole online group moved to text. there's about four of them? J, Other J, B, and L (ages vary from 12-16). I believe only B is directly relevant to this story but the others are worth mentioning. Additional context (tw for mentions of suicide from now on), all of those four are varyingly suicidal. B has attempted before, at least twice I believe. out of the group i am probably the most mentally stable.

School starts! I am already feeling a bit lonely due to leaving Z but we stay positive. I wake up for school at like 530 and check my phone at like 6:45. Woohoo a message from B! It was sent at 4 am. This is concerning. There is a glitch that i can use in order to view texts for between half a second and four seconds, it depends, and i use it. B’s message reads “Bye”. theres no fucking reason that they would be texting me goodbye at 4am in the morning unless they were going to kill themselves. I cannot properly view or respond to that text until noon, so eight hours. I wait to know if my friend is ok for eight hours, and at noon i check my phone again. In that time i’ve received messages from the groupchat. J, Other J, and L all received “bye” texts from B at around the same time period. After a few messages, we know B is ok, i dmed them privately and they responded both in ims and the gc. So they are ok. But i had to wait for eight hours to know that. Later that day i asked my mom if she had considered my proposal (i asked her a day or two before if she would at least turn off communication limits because it is also rather embarrassing to be honest to have to tell other people that oh i cant respond to your message right now, sorry my mom has limits on my phone :D. In addition i get anxious when i send a message that im nervous abt and it doesnt get responded to for hours so i hate leaving messages for longer than two hours). Once again, she said no. it goes against her Views As A Parent for me to have “unrestricted access” to my phone. She offered to add only Z to the list of people i can contact during the limits. This is better than nothing but Z texts more in the groupchat than she does in private messages so it wouldn’t work that well. We argued, it didnt work out, i got pissed off and we both went to bed. i very strongly feel that for like my mental health i need to be able to communicate with my friends better than i can at the moment. And i dont want to wake up to a message from a friend, have it be the last one they ever send, and not be able to respond for hours. 

Heres where the part where i could be an asshole comes in. (so sorry that that was really long i didnt know what parts would be needed as context and what were not so i just typed everything i think might be relevant). This isnt something that i am very strongly considering, as i truly dont want to fuck up my relationship with my brother and i love him a lot. I just want opinions on whether it would like be going too far i guess. I am considering offering a trade. I tell my mother how my brother has found ways around his limits, and she turns off the communication limits on my phone. WIBTA if i did that?

TL;DR: would i be the asshole if i snitched on how my brother got around some restrictions in exchange for me being able to communicate with my friends?

What are these acronyms?

[blackheart-6]

noelle holiday age progression chart

without height lines

explanations of designs:

hi yall

so, i actually finished this drawing like a week ago lol. but i didnt want to post a bunch of drawing in a row, and then i got sick, so i havent been able to post it till now!

its my imaginings of what noelle looked like as she grew up, and a potential adult noelle design! ill explain my thought processes about these designs below, if anyones interested 😁

i also plan on doing one of these with dess, but this one was pretty difficult, so it might be awhile before that (unless yalls are interested in seeing it?)

first off, im not 100% sure ill keep using all these designs. some of them im not that happy with (im no good at designing outfits 😔) but i just went with them so i could finish the drawing. so if anyone has any alternative outfit ideas for any of her ages, id be interested in seeing/hearing it!

secondly, something that may stick out to yall for all the designs is how tall she gets. its the same height i normally draw her with, but given how i usually draw her by herself you cant really tell how tall she is! i have 3 main reasons for why i headcanon her as this tall: deer are pretty tall irl, so having her be tall makes sense in my head; i just like the look of her being super tall, it makes me happy lol; and third, i personally also headcanon the holiday family as boss monsters (i think ive explained this headcanon before on here, so i wont explain again, unless someone is interested ^^). so yeah, she ends up being 7 feet tall as an adult, the second tallest in her family!

also, i gave all her children forms stripes in some way, as a reference to when monster kid in undertale says they can tell frisk is a kid because of their stripes!

now onto my explainations for individual drawings!

theres nothing really to say about her baby design. the only thing i did that might be new is give her faun spots! they are most plentiful on her baby form, but they persist until shes in her teens, i would say (on here you cant see them after age 7, but thats just because i imagine they are mostly on her back). and i gave her a cute lil onsie that says a-deer-able! if you guys cant read it ^^

this outfit i made for her toddler design is actually an outfit ive used in the past! i wonder if yall know what drawing it was? its pretty much the same as it was there, i just added a stripe to the shirt. i felt like overalls are so reminiscent of childhood, i had to give at least one of her designs them! i also added a little mistletoe to the front pocket, to make it more christmas-esque. and i gave her some bandaids, just cause.

7 years old is one of the designs i really struggled on, and im still not happy with it. i dunno if ive said this yet, but i headcanon noelle to be trans, so at 7 is when i decided she started realizing it. so here i gave her long sleeves and pants, to show how shes more hidden now because shes unhappy with herself, if that makes any sense? i was also trying to make her look a bit like a nerd, with the button up and khakis, just because its funny. but yeah, ill probably end up changing this design at some point :P

11 years old was one of the easiest to do, considering how ive had her design for this age for awhile lol. one thing i did change was going from 2 red/white stripes to one, but ive done that before, so it wasnt something entirely new. i also gave her a smile and closed eyes, cause shes happy being a girl 🥰. other that that, its the same, so yeah, thats it for this part

okay, this next design is a fairly different looking one than all the rest, but i have my reasons! at this point in noelles live, dess has gone missing, so i wanted to show her being sad and stuff. i also gave her shoes and long sleeves because she probably goes out looking for dess when she can, hoping to find a lead 😭. but outside of in-story stuff, this outfit is based off of an old one i drew, but its fairly edited, so i wouldnt be surprised if no one recognizes it even if they have seen my old stuff. she has straight hair here, to show how unhappy she is (idk what it is about straight hair it just feels sad) and because i wanted to give her different hair varieties on this progression chart. i gave her antlers 2 prongs each at this point, because the way i see deer monsters, their antlers show their growth/aging, so youll see them getting bigger and having more prongs as the chart continues.

this outfit for 15 is another one i dont like. i tried to make it similar to her current outfit, but still pretty different. im not even sure what precisely i dont like about this outfit, it just doesnt feel that good. for this one i gave her leg warmers because i used to (and sometimes still do) draw her normal outfit with them. i gave her the curly hair she has as a callback to when i used to draw her hair like that! but yeah, ill probably end up redoing this one too

for 17, i just gave her the normal outfit, so it was easy ^^. in game i think shes 16, but close to turning 17, so i just went with 17 here to fit the +2 age pattern thing i had going on. i also gave her an extra horn prong than i normally give her, just to show age once again

finally, her adult design! i dont like this one either lol. i spent so long trying to think of what outfit to give her, but i couldnt come up with something i liked >.< so i just gave her something simple. i feel like once noelle graduates high school and probably goes to college she branches out more and tries things her mother never let her do, which is why i gave her an outfit like that, that has a crop top and a shorter skirt. also, yalls might recognize the hair style i gave her, i drew a potential adult noelle before and i gave her the same hair ^^

i think thats all for the post! i probably have more thoughts that im just not thinking of, but its fine for now. i hope yall enjoyed the drawing, and if you have any question or comments or whatever, go ahead and say them!! if youve made it this far, have a cookie, you must be hungry after reading so much ^^ 🍪

[be-the-glenn-to-my-maggie]

Thinking about little Spider in a dragon au. He’s the only human child and is so jealous when the Sully kids start collecting stuff for their hoards because he wants one too! But he doesn’t have that instinct that the others have, he doesn’t have an ancient dragon-y voice in the back of his head telling him what to hoard or even how to properly hoard at all.

Cue baby Spider trying to be all sneaky, assessing each of the Sully kids’ hoards individually to see what feels right for him.

Neteyam’s hoard is probably the neatest hoard Spider has ever had the pleasure of laying his eyeballs on. Carefully crafted arrow heads, brilliantly colored fish scales, a wind instrument of some kind—random stuff (or at least to a human eye; according to Norm all dragons see the specific spark that links everything in their hoard together) all organized in some needlessly particular way that Spider still doesn’t understand completely. Neteyam’s hoard is nice, but doesn’t call out to Spider. He moves on.

Hmm, Kiri’s hoard seems interesting. Dried flowers, random paintings, several baskets of mushrooms and nuts and seeds, homemade jewelry, and river rocks of various shapes and sizes. They’re all scattered haphazardly around her “den,” though none of them touch her “nest” (these terms puzzle Spider because he’s pretty sure their dens are just rooms and nests just really unkempt beds, but Norm and the other researchers assure him that there’s more to it than that). The vibe is nice but upon further thought none of these things really feel like anything Spider himself finds worth hoarding. Time to give Lo’ak a try.

Lo’ak’s hoard is. . . Interesting. A baseball sans the accompanying bat, several mixtapes that he highly doubts the boy has ever actually listened to given their current location being the middle of absolutely nowhere, several arrowheads that match the ones in Neteyam’s hoard, a few feathers, some shiny rocks, a few homemade friendship bracelets, and a few more random trinkets (Norm says it’s not uncommon for young dragons to hoard a bunch of random things until they find the right fit). It still doesn’t feel right to Spider.

He then proceeds to mope about it until he realizes something. Surely a hoard doesn’t have to be material things, right? If a hoard is a collection of what is most valuable, then surely the Sully kids can be be his hoard, right?

Yeah, that makes sense to Spider.

(And unbeknownst to him, he’s part of all of their hoards too.)

Ooh, this is interesting! It's also incredibly adorable, I grinned when I read those last two lines!! I'll admit, this is an au that I don't know much about. Are they actually dragons or are they ~dragons~ like in those werewolf aus where they just have a wolf in the back of their heads that says stuff and then they have senses but they aren't wolves, idk. Maybe.... shapeshifting into dragons? I don't know.

EITHER WAY, I love the hoard stuff. The idea of them all seeing a specific spark that links all their stuff, and Neteyam's specifically is this reasonable bunch of highly related stuff and then also this human child. Hilarious.

BUT CONSIDER: Is he in Jake and Neytiri's hoard? Just imagine. Neytiri, pissed that there's a human child of their enemy she doesn't want anything to do with, but as soon as she sets eyes on him theres that spark. He fits with the other kids in the family part of her hoard. And well, that's ridiculous, and she's kicks him out for dinner or something, but then it feels so wrong. She's always angrily putting Spider next to Kiri and Neteyam like "sit here" and then shoving food at him. She's always pissily stomping over to him to tuck him into his hammock that she furiously installed after one night he was sick at Hells Gate for a week and her dragon was ENRAGED that a piece of the hoard was missing for so long. Just rage caring for him because she has to lol.

[clatoera]

Picket Fence is Sharp as Knives Chapter 9: I am what I am cause you trained me

Heeeeeeeey besties. I've been WAITING for this one. I've looked forward to it for a while now!! The next chapter is obviously thee chapter so this is the one we had to do. We had to get here. We have been waiting to get here for a LONG time. And here we are.

To start, I actually fuck up the months transition in this a few times I think. I dont think in months. I think in weeks, and so while the months may be off the weeks would be correct (part 1 is 12, part 2 is 16, part 3 is 34, and part 4 is 36). Much of this is accurate in terms of the physiology as well as some of the complaints.

Clove has a lot of anxieties and fears that we really otherwise don't see and so theres a lot more vulnerability on her part here than any other prior chapter so that is a bit different.

Thank you for sticking around I'm very very excited to get this out into the world!

AO3

masterpost

Title from T swift as usual

As always, thank you to the besties, especially @kentwells who has heard me ramble about this for months, and also @bodyelectric77 who doesn't hear me ramble as much about it but still is a victim to my senseless thoughts.

xoxo

From the time she was fifteen years old Clove had one, and truly only one, fear. Prior to fifteen it had been a non issue as far as she had been concerned–it’s not like anyone looked at her like that (or rather, if they did, there was someone large, blonde, and violent threatening them for even daring to do so).  

Dying in the Hunger Games didn’t even dredge up the same feeling of terror and peril. If she died in the games, well at least she went out fighting. It wasn’t like there was going to be anyone back home disappointed in her.  

Okay, maybe during her time in the capitol with blood filled joints and flayed skin, she had one greater fear. Even then, she didn’t fear death itself, considering that sometimes death would have been a welcome relief. Her fear, then, was deeper than death and more so in an eternity of that. 

Of note it wasn’t like she ever actually thought this particular fear had come true, save for once. But that was years ago, literal days before the Quarter Quell and well- she clearly never got an answer either way on that one. 

Even now, with her right index finger teetering on her teeth, shaving the nail down to the bleeding quick, she wasn’t entirely sure until right now either. The only thing she’s been positive about is that she could  actually feel her heart trying to escape the safety of her bones so that it can run off and let the fear dissipate like heat in a nuclear explosion. 

Now, well, there's two things she’s pretty positive about. 

To be fair she wasn’t necessarily doing anything to prevent living her biggest fear– she never needed to (save for a one year stint between Cato’s games and her own). She just..assumed she was very very lucky.

Who could blame her for the uncertainty, in her defense. It’s winter– and if the past three winters have taught her anything it’s that winter fucks her body up.

It had been so simple to justify.

Sure, she’s absolutely exhausted. Exhausted in a way that she can only relate to those last few months before her games, where she was training nearly sixteen hours straight. Yeah, it’s odd for her to want nothing more than to lay in bed for hours and hours a day– but she’s fucking tired. Winter always makes her tired, the cold always drains her. That’s not suspicious, right?

And sure, she’s starving. All the time. But again…it’s winter. Winter means burning more energy just to stay alive of course she’s absolutely starving. And well, when she gets sick when she goes too long without eating, it’s winter of course. She probably caught something from one of the girls. 

Even the body pain– that of course is due to the winter chill deep in her bones. Nothing more sinister, of course not. Everything that’s off about her recently well..things are off every winter after the war!

But…the one thing about Clove? She is not stupid. 

She is not stupid, but as Clove forces herself to look her reflection in the eye she notices the bleeding nails, the red ringed eyes, and the tears already trying to escape, she knows she is not stupid but she is very very very scared. 

The heart that was pounding in her chest to escape now feels so loud in her ears that it deafens her, the nails that now have no edge try to dig into her palms to ground her. She is unsure how she finds the ceramic ledge of the bath to sit on, but she somehow does. For a minute she thinks that she’s dying, that her brain is screaming for air with the way her vision blurs from the periphery inward (she always knew this would cause her death). It’s not until she can hear her own breathing, coming out in desperate, choking gasps that she realizes she’s crying.

Her hands don’t shake– her hands couldn’t shake, that would have meant her death– but as she tries to press the heels of her hands into her eyes she realizes that oh maybe they do as her body fails her in yet another way. 

She didn’t even have a mother. 

How could she be someone’s?

She doesn’t know how long she sits there on the ledge, how long her heart tries to run away from her.  It’s long enough that the skin of her cheeks run raw from the assault of tears, enough that the blood under her nails dries, long enough that her face is drained of any and all color. Her mind is both simultaneously empty and racing, as she barely processes which handle of the faucet to reach for. In her haze she manages to turn on the cold water, and her quivering hand can barely cup enough water to splash on her face. It’s barely enough to bring her back to reality, but it is enough to quell the stinging of her eyes. 

When she catches her appearance again, she almost doesn’t recognize herself. The angry red around her eyes, the stark lack of color even for her. Even her hair falls loosely in her eyes, plastered to her skin by the salt and tracks of her own tears. Looking at herself like this doesn’t even feel like she is seeing her own reflection.

Clove can’t help but think of her mother. 

Did her own mother cry herself raw, when she discovered her existence? Did she bite her nails to nubs, did she think Clove was her worst fear manifested?  Did she know that she’d be on her own within days, did she know not a person in the world was going to stand beside her for the next years of her life? Did she know that Clove was going to be her downfall, did she know that she was the only person in the world who would care if Clove lived or died?

Clove feels another tightening in her throat, another rush of warmth down her cheeks. She stares at herself, unblinking, as the tears continue. 

She knows she isn’t crying for herself, this time, but instead for fifteen year old Sevina Kentwell. The Little Girl, because she really was nothing more than a child, that was her mother. 

“You’re not a teenager.” Clove reminds herself, gripping the edge of the sink until her hands hurt. She is not a fifteen year old, she’s a twenty three year old woman. 

“You’re not alone, he won’t leave.” Yes, her father left her mother, but Cato would never. Could never, and would never. 

“I already won.” She tries, bringing her ice cold hand to her chest, desperately trying to regulate this meltdown before Cato gets home and finds her this way. “I won, I won, I won. I can’t die and leave it behind.” 

Even if she died, there was Cato. Cato, who no doubt, would do anything for even the theoretical baby they did not actually have yet. There was Cato. If something happened to him, well, there was Enobaria. Enobaria and then Glimmer and then Marvel and then, well, beyond that didn’t matter. 

“I won’t die. I won’t die. I won’t die.” Clove manifested, clenching her eyes shut as tightly as she could. “I’ll be okay. We’ll be okay. ”

She catches herself off guard, her eyes snapping open as fast as the word slipped out. We. How quickly she’s shifted, how quickly she accepts that she’s not even alone in her own body anymore. She’ll never be alone again. 

Somehow, though, that doesn’t send her spiraling. It was never the child part that scared her. 

That wasn’t her fear, it was not the baby part that she was so frightened of. 

It was the fear of perpetuating a cycle of death and abandonment. It was the near guarantee that she will be a bad mother, with none to model herself after. 

Still, despite that near guarantee of her own impending failure, Clove catches the hint of a smile in her reflection. 

Sure, she may not be good at it, but Cato will be.  In the back of her mind she can still see the look on his face, half a decade ago after her games, when he absently mentioned how he imagined their children to look. 

Even now she herself can't help but wonder if she’ll see her own freckles on her son, or have a dark haired little girl to break up the sea of blondes and redheads that are the children of their friends. 

Hers. It’s her kid. Which, as scary as it is to stomach, is somehow a lot less frightening than she had ever expected. 

She’s normally so aware of her surroundings, hyper attune to any shift in the floor, to the point that nothing can surprise her. Somehow now, she is so in her head, that when she hears the kitchen door slam she practically jumps out of her skin

Clove can hear the heavy steps (stomps? Is he in a mood? What the fuck she’d normally be able to tell) as Cato climbs them two at a time, giving her quite literally just enough time to step into the hall to meet him at the same time he hits the top floor. 

“Was no one going to tell me that pink comes in multiple shades. Apparently saying I need it in pink doesn’t mean much when you’re buying something for toddler girls.” Cato mumbles, pulling out the little paper receipt and bringing it up to eye level. He squints, holding the little sheet a few inches from his face. “I got one..Carnation? And the other one…bubblegum. I thought they were the same color but I was corrected many many many times.” Cato rubs his hand on the back of his neck, heading in a quick right towards their room. “What time do we need to leave?”

Fuck. She was out of it today. Of course, they had to go to District One today (very soon actually) for the twins' first birthday party. Great. She’d feel fantastic after that train ride, for sure. Well damn, was she supposed to wait to tell him after now or-

She doesn’t hear him say her name again, truly locked into her own mind again, when his hand engulfing her shoulder brings her back to her body.

“Clove? Are you okay? We don’t have to go if you aren’t up to it, I know you’ve been really tired lately and it’s okay! We don’t have to-” His voice is just so soft, with concern that is not patronizing but truly genuine, and by the time she glances up to meet his eyes she can’t help but let the words just come out before she has a moment to process what she’s saying. 

“I’m pregnant.” 

For all Clove is not a crier, something in her snaps the second she looks up at him and sees the look of outright love in his pretty blue eyes. For all the times in her life she had been terrified of saying those exact words to him, she had never once expected the way he’d look at her like this. 

She doesn’t give him time to even react before she’s back in tears, fully pressing herself into his chest before he has the time to respond. Or rather, she misses his soft “...really?” when she burrows herself against him. She feels one hand on her back as she feels the other on her face, wiping away the streak of tears over her right cheek bone. That same hand tilts her face up so he can look down at her directly. 

“...are you okay?” Even with the hesitation in his voice Clove can’t miss the absolute joy barely hidden below the surface. As soon as she gives even the slightest nod, she watches as maybe the brightest smile she’s ever seen breaks across his face. It must be infectious, because she can’t help her own in return. 

“I’m okay. I’m really really okay.”  Clove promises, leaning her face into his hand, laughing just a little through her now obsolete tears. “You don’t seem surprised?”

“You don’t cry, I had to ask.” Not just that– Cato knew her better than even himself sometimes. He knew, more than absolutely anyone else, just how scared of this she was. “I don’t think we have any right to be shocked, Clove.” 

Fair enough. 

“It’s like…everything you ever wanted, right?” Clove uses her own hand to wipe the other side of her eyes, before slinking both of her arms around his neck, fully just letting him take the bulk of her weight. 

“Clove, I already have everything I wanted. This is just… beyond that.” It wasn’t a secret that yes, Cato had always imagined his children with Clove, even more so in the last couple of years. Even still they’d been through enough, Clove more than most. It wasn’t something he was going to push her on. “Do you know how long or-”

“Uh like twenty minutes ago-” Clove starts, audibly sighing and rubbing at her eyes when she realizes that's not quite what he meant. “Sorry. Just..I’m not thinking straight today. But no. Sometime between…December and now. Zero to Three months, I don’t actually know. There are…many..many many…many many..many many..many…many times this could have happened, so. We’ll find out.”

Cato’s hands both slide down to her waist, and he lifts her to his height with practiced ease before he kisses her in a way she isn’t sure he has in the seven years they’ve spent with each other, but that she hopes he replicates again and again. She laughs against his lips, as she brings her fingers to thread into his hair slightly, just toying with the base of his neck. 

“On second thought we don’t have to go..” Cato mumbles, barely even pulling away from her to talk, still so close that their nose and heads touched. 

“We have to go. Glimmer will kill us.” Clove sighs in response, but stays impossibly close to him. 

Cato lets go of her with audible annoyance, letting her feet hit the floor before he actually huffs. 

“Fine. But we’re only going because we need to make sure our kid has friends.”

She would be lying if she didn’t say it felt like warmth spread through her chest when she heard the word ours.

Later that evening, they’re standing in the corner of a pink glitter and balloon covered living room. He’s behind her, his arm around the front of her shoulders holding her flush to him, whispering in her ear silly jokes about how they will not be adding a glittery, heart covered, pink wall to their house for the sake of a birthday party next year. 

Between their own little jokes and her stifled giggles, she can’t help but watch their friends. Glimmer, who for the first time in her life freely accepts the swipe of icing on her nose from one of her children or the man she made them with, all the while smiling and laughing without a care in the world for the way it would affect her makeup or her dress size. Or Marvel, carrying around the girls who look nothing like him but look like everything in the world that he loves. 

It dawns on her then, that maybe the reason it is a lot less scary that it is her baby, is because it’s his too.

____________________________________________________________

“You’ve slowed down.” 

Clove quite literally jumps when she hears the voice from directly behind her, and if she didn’t know any better she most definitely would have yelped too, if she didn’t recognize that tone of dissatisfaction immediately.

“Oh for fucks sake Enobaria, don’t sneak up on me like that!” Clove pauses, coming to a full stop so she can bring her heart rate back down to earth. She pulls her head band down over her ears, now even colder without her own adrenaline to ward off the biting cold of late District Two winter. “It’s March, Enobaria, give me a break. It’s always hard to get back into it after the snow melts.”

“Don’t give me that shit, Clove.” Enobaria rolls her eyes as she catches up to her fully, grabbing her by the upper arm and pulling her over to the side, off the same path back to Victors’ Village they both take every day. 

The sense of Deja Vu is intense, and Clove swears for a minute she’s seventeen again, being pulled into the woods on her way back to the Academy on what Enobaria had always so lovingly called her “run of shame.”

“Are you still slutting yourself out, Clove, or did you come to your fucking senses?” Enobaria had truly hissed in her ear, grabbing her by the elbow and pulling her forward with her nails in her skin.  “Don’t even answer that, I’m not as stupid as you think I am Clove. I know what you’re still doing.”

‘Still’, meaning in the past couple of months since Cato returned from the Seventy Second Hunger Games. Enobaria had, naively mind you,  assumed it was just a phase. Teenagers and their little hormones and all that. She figured it wouldn’t last that long, maybe a couple of weeks, as the novelty of victory wore off for Cato. 

Surely he would have a whole crowd of girls after him, but she didn’t think Clove was dumb enough to be one of them. Unfortunately, apparently, she was very very wrong, judging by the way Clove showed up at the academy every morning in clothes that were far too fine to be Academy issued and far too big to be her own. 

Nevermind the fact that some mornings she could literally see her seventeen year old mentee cooking breakfast across the street, playing housewife when she should be playing future victor. 

“I’m not slutting myself out, it’s just Cato-”

“Shut it. I always told you I wasn’t going to let what happened to your mother happen to you. And do you know why, Clove? Because I will kill you and Cato both before you ever step in that arena, got it? Don’t fuck this up for yourself.” Enobaria didn’t even give her time to respond, before she let go of her arm and truly pushed her forward, watching as she stumbled the first few feet before nearly falling to the ground. “Get to training.”

“I’m serious, Clove. You usually get back to the house by nine eighteen if you do six miles. You’re not making it back until Nine thirty. I know you aren’t at seven, you always said the number seven freaked you out, and frankly  you’re not fast enough to do eight at that pace. Never have been.” Enobaria narrows her eyes, giving her solid full body once over, practically an inspection for any obvious injuries. “You aren’t eighteen, Clove. You’ve been through a lot. It’s okay for things to be different, but don’t push yourself to the point you’re hurting. Six may be a lot for you right now, don’t risk it. It’s winter, I know everything hurts you, Clove. But that's a significant time change, I’m just a little concerned–”

“‘Baria. I’m not hurt. I promise. It’s just the beginning of the warm season, and it hurts a little bit but nothing that bad–” Clove tries, putting her hands on top of Enobaria’s wrists as she looks her over. Enobaria clearly means the concern with love, nothing less, nothing with anger.

“It’s not just that, Clove, your form has changed, you seem hesitant and skeptical when you hit the ground, you look hurt. You can tell me if you’re hurt, we can change something, just tell me. You’ve been through a lot, Clove.” Enobaria offers softly, bringing an uncharacteristically gentle hand up to Clove’s upper arm where she rubs random circles. 

Clove goes to defend herself and her body when she is taken off guard by Enobaria’s observation and gentleness, narrowing her eyes as she gives her mentor a once over. “...why are you paying such close attention to me?”

“It’s my job, Clove. It’s my responsibility to make sure you’re in the best condition I can get you in. I always watch. And I know something’s changed, I know what they did to you Clove, and we can modify things to make sure you’re not going to get hurt–”  Enobaria insists, once again leading her back up the path to their homes. She’s whispering, because if there is one thing about a Career victor that they cannot seem to shake after everything, is that their public reputation matters. They make it to the steps of Enobaria’s front porch where she eases them both down to the bottom step where many of their longest conversations in Clove’s life have occurred. 

Once upon a time someone overhearing this conversation would have been catastrophic. 

“Oh..Enobaria.” Clove whispers softly as she realizes this is her showing her love. This is how they always showed their concern– tough love.  She is gently grabbing at Enobaria’s upper arm now, giving the lightest little squeeze.. “I’m not hurt, not any more than usual. It’s not that. I know i’m slower than I used to be–”

“What’s wrong, then, Clove? It’s not a big deal, we can fix whatever it is.” Enobaria tries, doing her best to relay genuine concern rather than passing judgment. It’s been her sole responsibility, to keep Clove healthy, for twenty entire years now. 

And yes, maybe she had some guilt over not being able to keep her safe during the war, and needed to make up for it somehow. 

“...I didn’t want to tell you.” Clove whispers, and when Enobaria looks up at her she swears her blood runs genuinely cold at the fear (and tears) in the younger girl’s eyes. “You’re going to be so disappointed in me, Enobaria, I’m so sorry.”

“Sorry for what, Clove, I’m not disappointed it’s okay to be hurt, it’s not your fault–” She immediately tries to ensure, holding Clove by the shoulders before the freckled girl turns to the side, looking at the sky to blink back her tears before they can freeze to the pale expanse of her skin. 

“I don’t even know how to tell you, you’re going to hate me. I’m so sorry, Enobaria, please I didn’t mean to disappoint you–”

“Clove, I’ll never hate you, now what’s wrong.”

Clove swallows the lump in her throat, before she rises from the step, taking a few steps forward out of Enobaria’s reach. She wipes at her face with the sleeves of her coat before she unzips it. Clove turns to the side as she fingers the hem of her– Cato’s– shirt, before she tugs just the bottom up. 

Enobaria raises an eyebrow, eyeing Clove’s incredibly toned and extremely flat lower abdomen. “Are you trying to show off the abs of a sixteen year old or–”

“What? No? You don’t see it?” Clove glances down, confused as to how she could miss it. Okay, maybe there is absolutely nothing to miss, with years and years of intense workouts to thank, but Clove most certainly notices a difference when she looks at herself in the mirror. “Please don’t make me say it, I can’t say it to you.”

“Say what Clove?”

“Enobaria…I’m..well… No, baria, I can’t say it, I can’t watch you hate me, I’m sorry, I’m so so sorry, I didn’t mean to.” Clove rambles, shaking her head rapidly to insist she did not mean to bring such shame on herself. “You’re the only person I’ve ever been afraid of disappointing, I’m so sorry. But please, don’t kill me, I want this.”

“Clove what are you talking about–” Enobaria nearly rolls her eyes, but something about the tears, the fear, and the now dropped shirt click all the pieces into place and she actually gasps as her brown eyes go wide. She feels her lip fall so softly into a sigh, and she doesn’t even realize she’s doing it as she opens her arms to her. “Oh. Clove, honey, it’s okay.”

Clove visibly hesitates to come towards her, frozen like prey deciding if she has a chance to run before she is torn to pieces. That's new, too, that in Fight or Flight her instinct has become flight. “....are you mad at me?”

“Just come here.” She offers one last time, gesturing her forward with her hands. “I’m not mad, Clove. You just look terrified.”

“You always said you’d kill me.” Clove explains warily, one foot planted behind her as if she is ready to haul it across the street to her home as fast as she can. “Do you still want to kill me?”

“Clove, you were a teenager. That was the best threat I had, and it worked. You knew I was capable of it.” She offers with exasperation, dropping her offer of any sort of physical comfort. “You’re not a little girl anymore. I don’t control what you do. I don’t have to worry about getting you in and out of an arena now, you’re an adult.”

“...but are you disappointed?” 

“No, Clove. I’m not disappointed. I’m a little disappointed that you seem actually scared of me right now, but that’s my own fault.” She frowns, dropping her hands completely to her side to take away any threat Clove could be left to perceive. “I’m not going to hurt you at all, Clove. I promise.”

Clove lets her stance relax, and hesitantly takes a step closer to her mentor and practically sister at this point. “I just… I want this, Enobaria. And I want that to be okay. But I also know it killed my mom and..”

“You’re allowed to want to be a mother Clove. You’re not upsetting anyone. You’re an adult. You survived a war. You have absolutely earned and deserve whatever life you could possibly want.” Enobaria cocks her head, and against her better judgment just steps forward to pull Clove into a hug whether she wants it or not. “Clove. Being pregnant, having you.. That isn’t what killed your mom. The games killed her..Snow killed her. It wasn’t you. It was never you. You were never the reason your mother died, and I am so sorry anyone has ever told you differently.”

If Clove’s grandmother weren’t already dead and rotting, she sure would be after today, Enobaria would have seen to that. 

Clove’s only response is a weak nod as she buries her face in Enobaria’s hair, needing more than she realized to hear those exact words. “You’re really not mad?”

“Of course not, Clove.  I promise. You’ll be a good mom. You already take care of everyone else.” Enobaria assures her, bringing her hand up to run over the length of Clove’s long dark hair where it’s come out of the pony tail. “When are you supposed to have it?”

“September.” Clove mumbles into her hair, relaxing until Enobaria gently pushes her back so she can look at her with a quizzical expression as the calculator runs in her brain. 

“...you’re four months pregnant right now? Were you planning on ever telling me?”

Clove nods, brushing her fly aways out of her face with the sleeve of her coat. “I only found out last month. We haven’t told anyone. You were first on the list though, I just wanted to wait a little longer. “

Enobaria just nods, looking her over with the new lens. It made sense now, why Clove seemed so hesitant and careful, and of course slower. “...you’re four months pregnant and you still look like that?”

She gives another nod, the slightest smirky smile taking over her face. “They said it’s ‘cause it’s my only baby. And because I have worked so so hard for such a strong set of muscles in my torso. Thanks for that.”

“Oh good. I guess the Cato genes didn’t kick in then. Not that would fuck you up.”

“Thanks for the reassurance, Baria.” Clove laughs, anyway.

_____________________________________________________________

“Well aren’t you just a little ray of sunshine today, Clove!”

“Can you shut the fuck up, Sparkles?” Clove snaps from her end of the couch, elbows on the arm rest with both her hands on her face, holding up the weight of her head. 

“Oh what an absolute joy we’re going to have together!” Glimmer rolls her eyes playfully from the opposite end of the chair, not even bothering to look over at her truly miserable friend, instead content with focusing on the intricacies of the floral embroidery she is adding to the fabric in her hands. “Remind me again why I'm here if you’re going to be a bitch to me?”

“Because.” Clove groans, stretching out one leg towards Glimmer’s side. “I made one joke that I was just going to have this baby in the bath tub and now Cato won’t let me be alone. He’s just being a scared little pussy bitch baby.”

“Ah. Right. I’m babysitting you.” Glim taunts. “You know, we could just go outside and enjoy the pool with the fathers of our children and my daughters. Cato definitely doesn’t have a shirt on and we both know how you feel about that so…”

“I am not going outside like this.” Clove hisses, shifting yet again in her seat, searching for even the slightest relief of her permanent discomfort at this point in her life. “Cato is safer if I can’t see him or get a straight line to him. My center of gravity may suck but he’s big and an easy target–”

“Clove I’m sure the pool would feel so good, it’s like being weightless, and it’s nice and cool–”

“Have you ever been excessively pregnant in the middle of July? With a giant fucking baby? No? That's what I thought.” She snips at her friend, before once again shifting her legs back and forth over each other. 

“No, but I had two babies at the same time. So I think I get the discomfort part.” Glimmer sets down her handiwork, craning her upper body to look at her incredibly uncomfortable friend. “Go ahead. Just let it out.”

“What?”

“Just say it. Whatever’s on your mind. It sucks and you look absolutely miserable. So. Just…let it out. Say whatever you have to say. Complain. Whine. Whatever. You’re miserable and we’re alone. Just let it out. But remember. I grew two. And I can out complain you.” 

Glimmer clasps her hands in her lap respectfully, giving her full and undivided attention to Clove.

Clove doesn’t even bother to hesitate, being given a free stage to complain to somehow who was not going to take any of her slights personally. She sighs loudly before beginning. 

“I fucking hate this. This sucks. I’m so fucking tired. All the time. But I don’t even get to sleep because this kid just moves all. Fucking. Night! Sleeps all day but then it’s like gym class in there the second I go to sleep! Not to mention I can’t even get comfortable, it’s like she’s crushing my spine in here. Or he. Whatever. She’s crushing my spine, he’s crushing my spine, whoever it is is absolutely fucking my back–” 

“Okay, pause, do you want suggestions as we go, or when you’re done?”

“Glimmer. Just let me talk. You can keep the joys of motherhood talk until the end.”

“That's not what I was going to say, but okay, keep going.”

“Where was I? Oh! The pain. I am in agony. All the time. I can’t go in a hot bath because i’ll boil him in there, but holy fuck does this hurt. Sometimes it hurts so bad I can’t breathe, Glimmer. It’s like every joint in my body is being ripped open especially here-” Clove runs her hand over her upper back. “I just hurt all the time and I never want to do this again. I can’t. I just hope this kid is a boy so Cato won’t want me to do it again–”

“Has he said he wants it to be a boy, Clove?” Glimmer raises an eyebrow with disbelief, her eyebrows pulling together in confusion. “He seems pretty happy with the girls, I don’t think he’d be that upset either way. You know you can find out–”

“No he’s never said it but I assume that’s what he’d prefer. And I never want to do this ever again.” Clove absolutely insists, twisting back to her other side still entirely unable to get even the slightest bit comfortable. “Oh, and I’m fucking hungry all the time. That’s great. All I fucking want is a sandwhich, all day every day. But I can’t even have one. Because I can’t have that sandwich meat. I’d actually slit someone’s throat for a turkey and cheese sandwich right now, Glimmer. I would sit and eat mozzarella cheese balls with a spoon, and I don’t even like Mozzarella cheese, but I can’t have it so I want it. I hope this kid knows that it is SPECIAL.”

“...are you done?” Glimmer prods gently, turning to face Clove before she gently pats the couch in front of her. “Come here.”

“Yeah, I actually feel a lot better after that.” Clove admits, before she actually scowls at Glimmer. “Come where? You’re not messing with my hair right now..”

“Put your head right here, if you let me touch you, I can help.” Glimmer offers, once again touching the couch in front of her. “As long as you don’t bite my hands off…”

“I don’t know, Glimmer-”

“Clove! Lay down! Right now.” Glimmer insists, actually just reaching across the couch and grabbing her by the hand before pulling her down practically into her lap. “Lay on your..left side.”

“My side? I’m not a side sleeper-”

“You are now, lay down.” Glimmer rolls her eyes, before she leans just a little bit forward over Clove. “You probably hurt extra because you’re literally letting her crush your back and everything in it. It helps a lot to put all that weight to the front. Now two things, the first one I’m going to touch your back okay?” 

Clove nods as Glimmer’s fingers find the small of her back, and all she does is press in before Clove lets out an actual soft gasp of relief. 

“See? Now, wrap your hands under your stomach, okay?” Glimmer instructs kindly, before putting her hands on top of clothes and pulling up towards her face just a little. “See? It takes all the weight off-”

“OH my God.” Clove breathes in very clear relief, some of the tension truly melting off of her face. “Okay, scratch what I said, you’re an angel, Glimmer.”

“You could just tell Cato to do this, it really will help–”

“Oh absolutely not. I never want him to touch me ever again in my fucking life. I hate him for this. It’s his fault.” Clove snaps right back to her anger, but doesn’t dare flinch too much out of Glimmer’s very intentionally placed hands. “Seriously, If he ever tries to touch me again I’ll cut every one of his fingers off. He’s lucky I let him sleep in the same bed, but he has to stay on the complete opposite side. Seriously, I’m not built for this like you are. That asshole tries to take pictures of me, too, and I about broke his hand yesterday morning by ripping the camera out of it.”

“Hmm, that's unlike you.” Glimmer teases, but there is a softness in her voice that is not quite patronizing but not dreamlike either. “What do you mean like I am?”

“I don’t know Glimmer, you seemed so happy, and you were just so glowy and beautiful and you just were so peaceful and grateful and I feel fucking horrific. I don’t know how I’m supposed to survive another six weeks of this.” Clove mumbles, though her eyes are closed and with her head against Glimmer’s leg there is a lot less malice in her tone. “I’m not you.”

“Oh…Clove, I'm sorry. I don’t think I was very honest with you.” Glimmer admits, glancing down at her friend. “Clove, I cried every. Single. Night. I’d wait until Marvel was asleep, and then I’d go sit in the girls room sometimes for hours and just…cry.  I was terrified, like legitimately terrified. Every single night. For hours. Do you know why I was okay with not telling anyone the twins were twins? Because I was convinced one of them wasn’t going to make it. Aurelia, specifically. She was always so much smaller, always. I didn’t want to tell anyone in case she didn’t and then no one would ever know. And looking back, I can’t imagine pretending she didn’t exist. It would kill me. There's pictures of me, too, every single week, and I can’t look at them either. They’re hidden so I won’t burn them, because I can’t see myself that way even now. No, I was not in as much pain as you are, I know that. But I was scared. I was so so so scared.”

“Glimmer, I didn’t know, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it like that–”

“No, Clove. You should know.” Glimmer insists, shaking her head briskly back and forth. “It’s not fair to you to think that you’re experiencing it wrong. Because you aren’t. I was terrified. Everything else you mentioned…I get some of it. The reason it moves more at night when you’re trying to sleep is because when you walk around all day you like rock her to sleep, so when you lay down it’s not keeping her asleep anymore. If you talk to it, that might help–”

“What do you mean talk to it, it can’t hear me, Glimmer?”

“...of course he can hear you, Clove. Don’t you like..talk to him?”

“Well, no, I didn’t think he could hear through everything between us.” Clove shrugs slightly, trying not to let any of the guilt she suddenly felt slip into her face. Add that as another check as to why she’s an unfit mother.

“...there is literally nothing between you. It’s quite literally as close to you as another human could ever possibly be. The girls didn’t know their names, because they obviously couldn’t differentiate who was who, but when I didn’t know which one was doing something I'd just call them sis, literally just sis, and they did respond to that.” Glimmer can’t help her smile at the memory of her tiny girls in the earliest days of their lives. “They knew when I talked, and they knew Marvel too, because he used to lay in bed and talk to them for hours. I sometimes wonder how they became such chatty little girls, they use real words now, but it’s not actually a question. They get it from him. Now they wake me up with these little hands on my face going ‘Hi mama’ over and over until I wake up. Sometimes I pretend to be sleeping a few extra minutes just because their little voices are so damn cute.”

“You’re just meant to be a mom, Glimmer, that’s what I mean. You just talk about them like that.” Clove explains, running a hand over her face in exhaustion. “How do you just love like that? So freaking effortlessly. I’m fucking terrified I won’t know how to love it.”

“...because that’s just what happens, Clove. It just happens. I promise, Clove. It is effortless. I’m not worried about you not loving your kid, because you will. It’s the easiest thing in the world to do, not having one, but loving one.” Glimmer promises, with such a soft edge in her voice Clove feels like she is being talked to not by her friend but by a mother. “I do think you need to be kinder to yourself. Let Cato help you, Clove, that's why he’s there.”

“No, I can’t tell him.”

“Tell him what, Clove? That you’re uncomfortable? That's a given. You’re tiny and you are sharing your body with another human. You went through things no one can understand, of course you’re uncomfortable.”

Clove rolls further on her side, not wanting to face any passing judgment from Glimmer. “I don’t want him to see me as weak, Glimmer.”

“OH stop RIGHT there, Clove. He would NEVER. I mean that, never in the entirety of his life, is he going to see you that way. I’m sure of it. I will never forget the months he worried about you, and weak was never a word he associated with you. He thinks you walk on water, there's not anyone who’s ever going to be stronger in his eyes than you Clove. I know that without a doubt. He will never see you as weak.”

“But this is different, Glimmer. I should just be good at this, too.” Clove insists half heartedly, dropping the hand under Glimmer’s but actually letting out a whine at the immediate loss of relief followed by the familiar tugging ache. 

“You need to let him help you. He wants to. Besides, he’s got big hands. Make him hold up the baby so you can sleep, you deserve it.” Glimmer promises, gently brushing over Clove’s upper arm. 

“You know, you mentioned how Marvel likes to talk. Back, you know, when we were in the Capitol? Sometimes they’d just drop me back off in this cell and I'd be just…i’d be bleeding and I was in so much pain I couldn't even see straight. And it could be the middle of the night, it could be the morning, I never knew we didn’t know time, but he would sit there and talk to me through the wall for hours. I don’t even know about what. But I think he was afraid that if I fell asleep I wouldn’t wake back up, and so he would keep me just awake enough…he’s good, Glimmer. I know you two had it rough, but he’s good.”

“I know he is. They both are, somehow.” Glimmer gives the softest smile in return, brushing her now free hand over Clove’s hair over and over. Clove isn’t looking up at her, her eyes closed in contentment and genuine relief, allowing her to actually relax. “...and that's why I'm ignoring the fact I can see them throwing my sixteen month olds back and forth in the pool right now.”

_____________________________________________________________

“Cato….Cato…babe…Cato.” Clove nudges impatiently, which soon turns to grabbing his shoulder and shaking slightly. “Cato…Cato!”

“Hmm?” His voice is muffled by the pillow where he buries his face, not even bothering to lift his head from the dead of his sleep. All Clove can really see of him is the broad expanse of his shirtless back, and the mess of his hair facing upwards on the pillow. Even his arms, where they are buried under the pillow to hold up his face, do not move with her insistence. 

“You better learn to wake the fuck up when this kid gets here, I’m not going to be the only one losing sleep.” Clove warns, but fishes his hand out from under the pillow and brings it to her side. “He’s moving a lot right now.”

“Could it be because you’re talking to him at-” Cato raises half his head, just enough so he could see the bedside clock “...two in the morning, Clovey?”

“He was moving before that, too, Cato.” Clove murmurs, moving the dead weight of Cato’s hand around until he relents and turns on his side to face her. “Feel him.” She absolutely insists, leaning back on her hands to prop herself up. “Or her, I guess. I think he’s a boy though. Just a feeling.”

“I think so, too.” Cato admits, and with a sly smile he slides his hand under her (his) shirt, just to feel the smoothness of her skin under his fingertips. There was something about it, even in the dead of the night, about Clove’s little body engulfed by his clothes. He was, as always, obsessed with her, a fact he never let her forget. 

Even if she insisted it’s because nothing else fit her– bold, considering this still looked like a dress that hit her knees. 

“We need to figure out what we’re gonna name this baby, Cato. We’ve got a month if we’re lucky.” Clove put her hand on top of his, guiding it around to the most opportune place that their kid seemed to be hanging out at any given moment. 

“Well you rejected naming him Cato so-”

“Absolutely not, your ego is bad enough, I do not want to live with two Cato Hadleys.” Clove warned, but the soft look in her eyes betrayed anything but annoyance. She strums her fingers on top of his gently, giving them a little soft squeeze. “I love you, you know.”

“I know. You wouldn’t do this if you didn’t.” Cato acknowledges, shifting his head over to lay on her other hand. “I know it’s not easy, It’s been a lot on you. I love you, and somehow I love you more every day, even when you’re threatening to cut off my hands.”

“Well I kind of need you to have hands now, so you’re safe.” Clove teases, but brushes her fingers over the mess of his hair. “You know, I’m going to do all this work and it’s going to come out looking just like you.”

“Hey, I did some work too-”

“Like five minutes of work nine months ago.”

“That’s cold, it was way more than five minutes.”

“Okay, eight minutes.” Clove can’t quite lean down to kiss him, so she settles for squeezing his hand instead. “I’m kidding. You know that. I wouldn’t survive this without you, and I wouldn’t have done it for anyone else.”

“I know, babe. And I never forget that.”

She huffs impatiently as their child has seemingly decided it’s no longer time to play now that Cato’s been woken up, but the reason why hits her like bricks to her chest and the softest little “oh” comes out first. 

“Keep talking to him.” She softly demands of him, holding his hand to her while she so carefully shifts to lay on her side to face him.

“Huh?”

“He stopped when you started talking. He knows you. Keep talking to him, so I can sleep.”

“Are you serious? What should I say?”

“Do I even look like I’m slightly kidding? Goodnight, Cato. Bond with your child.” 

[pacifymebby]

Modern!peaky boys and a reader who won them in a monopoly. It seems to me that Thomas would be a little irritated, because he has a huge business and he lost this game.

Hahaha this is such a good one <3

Tommy

🌿 He isn't going to get mad, its just a game (at least thats what he's telling himself anyway)

🌿It would be a slow painful loss because he's good at the game... He'd keep pulling himself back from bankruptcy over and over until he finally lost

🌿 At which point he would in fact be very embarrassed but trying not to show it. He'd sit there with that emotionless stare like "alright well, that was fun, what're we doing next?" trying to move on as quickly as possible.

🌿 Youd definitely gloat a bit because hes the owner of a huge business and you just managed to beat him.

🌿 And your gloating would embarrass him more but also irritate him so he'd be dismissive like "oh well love its only a game, doesnt work like real business does it,"

🌿 Would end up telling you to run the company for a week, "then we'll see how good you are eh?"

🌿 Basically hes sulking.

Alfie

🐻 Acts like he cares when he loses

🐻 Doesnt really care at all..

🐻 He just knows that you want him to have a temper tantrum, so he's acting up for you, to entertain you

🐻 Lots of grumbling and groaning and rolling his eyes but its all for show, he actually likes doing anything that means spending time with you.

🐻 Although he can think of much better things to be doing with you than playing monopoly...and he will tell you that.

🐻 Will dramatically get in a huff when he loses, explain why he shouldn't lose, accuse you of cheating... Anything to make you laugh and tease him more.

🐻 Will pretend to sulk until you come sit in his lap, give him a kiss and say sorry for making him play the game.

Arthur

🍂 Gets confused by the game, he'd lose pretty quickly

🍂 But honestly i think hes throwing the board away before he loses just out of sheer frustration with the whole thing.

🍂 Youre just constantly trying to explain the rules, and when he has to pay tax and stuff he just point blank refuses, "Nah thats not how that works darlin, i dont pay tax..."

🍂 Wants to know why the street names are all in London, "what about the rest of the country eh?"

🍂 Theres honestly nothing you can do to get this man to play properly or understand the game and in the end he really does just tip the table.

🍂 "Next time I'm choosing what we play!"

John

🌼 Doesnt know why you've got to play board games when theres better things you could be doing like watching the godfather or something...

🌼 (look right, if we had modern peaky boys they'd be the type to make you watch all the mafia movies and the sopranos and stuff just so they could sit and mansplain how "look at this bullshit, that aint what its really like at all... Where the fuck do they get these ideas...")

🌼 But anyway, when you're playing monopoly hes grumbling away, bored games are for people who can't entertain themselves blah blah

🌼 Its all just a front because he knows hes going to lose... And he doesnt want to lose

🌼 He doesnt mind losing as much as his brothers do but he doesnt like to lose... So hes setting his excuses up now and you dont hesitate to let him know you know what hes doing...

🌼 "Just cause you're scared of losing..."

🌼 In the end though john is playing this stupid game with you because he knows it'll make you happy.

🌼 And when he loses he sits there and takes it with a smirk on his face, shaking his head rolling his eyes at you all "Ahh well whatever makes you happy love."

Bonnie

🍀 Bonnies probably quietly quite anti capitalist in the 2020s, and he definitely isnt the indoorsy type that could concentrate on monopoly for as long as it takes to actually play monopoly

🍀 For that reason this games been going on for several days with lots of pauses in between

🍀 And youve heard multiple times "dont know why you like this so much y/n, you know the toffs would never let people like us do any of this shit in real life..."

🍀 But just like john, bonnies playing it with you for your sake, cause he wants to make you happy. Doesnt mean he isnt going to keeo playing it "unseriously" to try and make you laugh

🍀 To end the game he cheekily announces that the economy has just tanked due to a revolution, the means of production have been siezed and all the money in the worlds just gone up in smoke, you're skint, hes skint and now everybody has to go back to bartering and trade like "the good old days"

🍀 "Oh and nobody owns the land anymore dove so me and you, we can go wherever we like... Stop wasting time playing board games eh?"

Isaiah

🐀Acts like he doesnt care but actually does care

🐀He's even more annoyed when he loses because he was cheating!! How can you lose when youre cheating?

🐀Will sulk, will say hes not playing anymore. Will throw the money at you when he lands on your space.

🐀He'll even admit to cheating when he tries to accuse you of cheating (spoiler alert youre both cheating)

🐀 Definitely shoves the board away and messes it all up. Its not even that he thinks he should be good at the game, its that he just doesnt want to lose.

Michael

☘️ Won't be able to hide how much he cares about winning

☘️ He played the game as a kid and claims to have never lost. You can believe this if you like, I'm not sure whether he's telling the truth.

☘️ When he senses hes losing he will start to cheat, he'll feel bad about it but he'll try anyway.

☘️ If he gets sent to jail he'll claim he should still be able to take the money for passing go, he would in real life...

☘️ He'll definitely accuse you of cheating when you win... (you're actually not cheating)

☘️ He won't tip the board or be dramatic but he will grumble about how stupid the game is, how its nothing like real business

☘️ He'll tell you hes not playing it with you again, he will reallyyyy sulk about it.

☘️ So much sulking.

☘️ The sulk could last several days

☘️ You'll have to be really sweet to him to heal that wounded ego

[jaywaslost]

A week away

----

Long story short I got bored and decided Finch and Hacker decided more content, so this was born

Ooooof course this includes some headcanons @asukamood and I have, in our defense theres barely any canon content of either of them. Anyways, enjoy what you're getting into :D

--

Sypnosis:

“You don’t just- get to do that! You don’t get to disappear for a week and not answer my questions when you come back Finch.”

The words hung heavy in the air, each sentence a weighted accusation that Finch felt like built up to a feeling of guilt that was growing with each second. He stood there, caught between the exhaustion and the emotional storm in Hacker’s eyes.

--

Creak

The door slid open, noise echoing through the otherwise silent room.

The man in the doorway looked around, but couldn’t see anything within the darkness of the house.

The hour was quite late, around 3:45 in the morning. Finch had just gotten back from a week-long mission, exhaustion written all over his features.

Putting his shoes away, he didn’t even bother taking his hat off before immediately collapsing on the couch. He shouldn’t be awake at this time, but some things can not be helped, this was one of those times.

It had been too long since he got to lay down and take a breather. It felt strange to do so after nonstop movement, but it was a welcome change of pace.

Heavens knew he needed it anyway.

He should probably eat, but his muscles were too sore to even think about getting up and grabbing something, let alone having to look around in the dark.

It was late, anyway. He may wake up Hacker with too much ruckus.

It’d been a while since he got to talk to Hacker..

His..fiance. 5 months earlier, the taller decided he wanted to take their relationship to the next level and took his chance when they were alone after an outing. It was clearly planned for a while, the ring picked perfectly to his size and liking.

It wasn’t all too flashy or big, but clearly not an ordinary run-of-the-mill one, perfect for his tastes.

He really knew what to look for.

It was meant to be a regular week for them earlier, but that was until lord Dream himself requested Finch’s presence urgently.

Neither of them knew the reason or how long he’d take, but it was expected to not be longer than maybe a few hours at most, a day if overkill.

But here he was now, back after a week.

One where he completely disappeared.

He didn’t check his phone during those few days, both lacking the ability and chance to.

He wonders if Hacker said anything about it..

It’s not the time to think about this, he should change.

Letting out a sigh from his lips, Finch sat back up, pausing momentarily to calm his head as it suddenly decided to make his life harder and feel like it was about to explode. Hacker would have loved to make jokes every time he said his head was pounding the last few days.

It felt oddly strange not to have someone laughing at every other word he said that could be misinterpreted.

He had gotten too used to the other’s presence, hadn’t he?

..no clue if that was good or not, but it wasn’t time to worry about that.

Finally mustering up the energy to get off the couch, he stood and decided to go to the closest bathroom in hopes of at least managing to wash his face before getting some much-needed rest. The last thing that mattered at that time was if the lights were on or not; Finch was very aware he looked like an absolute mess but didn’t have enough energy to care, not one bit and not at this hour.

The bathroom light flickered dimly as Finch entered, casting shadows all around him. The mirror reflected a face marked with exhaustion, dark circles beneath tired eyes. His hair was more messy than he’d usually leave it to be, uniform slightly wrinkled. As the water ran, he cupped his hands and splashed it on his face, the cool sensation felt refreshing even with the weariness that weighed him down.

Leaving the bathroom, he finally made his way to the room he and Hacker shared. The hallway felt longer than usual, each step echoing in the silence of the dimly lit apartment. Finch found himself leaning on the wall for support almost the entire time, his legs protesting the effort.

Leaning against the wall, Finch began to regret not just staying on the couch. The warmth emanating from the room felt inviting, but it was too late to go back now. Taking a deep breath, he pushed the door open, ready to face whatever awaited him on the other side.

The door creaked open, revealing the unlit room in all of its messy glory. It wasn’t a surprise to see some of his belongings lying around, it would be safe to assume the other got lonely and missed his presence. The cold air from the window hit him in the face immediately, causing him to shiver a little bit. It seemed like Hacker forgot to close it before going to sleep that night.

As his eyes adjusted to the room and its lighting once again, he noticed a figure sitting by the edge of the bed staring right at him. A rhythmic tapping sound echoed through the space, only stopping when their eyes met.

This should have been expected, Hacker has never been one for a normal sleep schedule and he wasn’t there to enforce one on him either. It probably spiraled out of control while he was gone.

The sound of the tapping wasn’t easy on the headache, but before Finch could get a word in, the other spoke up.

“Looks like you finally decided I was worth seeing again?” Hacker asked, words laced with spite.

Wonderful, this wasn’t going to be fun. The tapping had finally stopped, which was a relief at the very least.

”Hello to you too, Hacker," Finch managed, though the words escaped his lips in a monotone whisper. The energy required to sound out any warmth or emotion into his greeting seemed beyond his grasp at the moment, he was barely capable of processing what he heard and getting himself to say a thing at all. His initial dream of collapsing onto the bed and slipping into much-needed unconsciousness now felt like a distant fantasy, shattered by the tension that hung in the air.

The blond man, sensing Finch's mood, got off the bed and approached him cautiously. His tone shifted from stern to a more pressing concern.

"Where were you?"

Finch met Hacker's gaze with a wearied expression, his eyes heavy with fatigue. He then glanced back at the clock on their desk, a silent acknowledgment of the ungodly hour that had unfolded in the silence of their shared space. Neither of them should have still been awake at that time.

"Why are you awake? It’s 4 in the morning. That’s really not good for you, we ta-"

"I asked you a question, answer me," Hacker interrupted, his demanding tone hinting at the weight of whatever had transpired during the other’s absence. The room, illuminated only by the new soft glow of the desk lamp Hacker turned on moments ago (Finch doesn’t know how he missed that), felt suspended in a quiet tension, both men standing in the middle of a conversation that seemed to get them nowhere so far.

“Hacker-”

“I’ve waited for days wondering where you were. You didn’t respond to a single text. I'd have preferred you left me on seen; I’d have at least known you were ALIVE-”

“Can we please leave this for the morning? You need to rest. I c-”

“You don’t just- get to do that! You don’t get to disappear for a week and not answer my questions when you come back Finch.”

The words hung heavy in the air, each sentence a weighted accusation that Finch felt like built up to a feeling of guilt that was growing with each second. He stood there, caught between the exhaustion and the emotional storm in Hacker’s eyes.

At this point, Hacker's frustration seemed to overcome the concern he felt. Was it that? Had they merged? Finch couldn’t tell.

He had never found himself feeling so conflicted over anything. The walls seemed to close in, the silence amplifying the gravity of the situation. It felt slightly difficult to breathe, why had he not thought of this? Finch’s shoulders slumped, and he ran a hand through his disheveled hair, searching for words that could at least break some of the silence between them. Yet, the weight of the unspoken lingered, his tongue feeling heavy.

Hacker's frustration began to morph into a deeper worry as he took in the sight of Finch. The lines of exhaustion etched on Finch's face spoke volumes, and beneath the weariness, Hacker caught a glimpse of something else – vulnerability. That was enough to shake whatever he had built up, any anger that might have felt at that moment fading away.

The other never showed vulnerability. He was raised a soldier and never grew out of that, never allowing himself a moment of fragility or one second of relaxation either.

"Finch," Hacker's voice softened, concern (or perhaps regret?) replacing the anger that had fueled his previous words. He took a step closer, his eyes searching Finch's for some explanation that could quell the rising anxiety within him. The ‘flame’ was smaller than usual, from what he could see it was a light blue instead of the usual yellow or white.

"I get that you've had a tough week, but you can't just shut me out like this. What happened?"

Finch hesitated, his gaze dropping to the floor before meeting Hacker's eyes again. Every cell in his body had been screaming in protest to his movements, it took everything in him to stay standing the entire…20? minutes they had been arguing if it can be called that.

If he wanted it to end, Finch knew he had to at least say something to calm the other’s nerves.

"It's complicated," he began, voice still as blank as it was before, but now carrying a hint of desperation "I didn’t expect it to last this long, but it turned out the mission I was deployed on was given to us based on mostly false information. I had to figure out what to do on my own with that."

Hacker's expression shifted to a mix of empathy and frustration, it was more like childish annoyance in a sense. "Well then whoever gave that information should’ve been the one dealing with it, not you. I was alone for so long waiting for you to show up in what you said would’ve been 2 days, did they really not have anyone else to help or anything?” he complained.

Finch nodded. The room felt quieter, the tension slowly dissipating as the atmosphere got lighter. At the lack of another response,Hacker finally let Finch’s shoulder go and dragged him towards the bed, realizing how likely it was that he didn’t rest during that entire ordeal.

"We’ll be talking about it tomorrow, do you hear me?" Hacker stated firmly, Finch nodded. The room felt quieter, the tension slowly dissipating as the atmosphere lightened. At the lack of another response, Hacker finally let Finch’s shoulder go and gently guided him towards the bed, recognizing the likelihood that Finch hadn’t rested during that entire ordeal.

Finch, caught in the undertow of exhaustion, managed a low but affirmative murmur. The events of the past week, the stress he had been carrying, all felt a little more distant as He lowered himself onto the bed holding onto the other for some support. He was still fully clothed, staring at the ceiling. In any other situation, Hacker may have joked about that, Finch willing to lay down in his work clothes and risk them getting ruined, but it didn’t feel like the time to (that didn’t mean he wouldn’t in the morning, though).

Hacker lingered by the bedside for a moment before going to turn off the lamp he switched on moments ago. He didn’t hesitate to get into the bed next to his beloved right after, he earned the right to some cuddles at the very least after all of that, Finch should have heard all he told Blue during this absence! He was so miserable on his own.

Finch didn’t protest, if anything he pulled himself closer to the other’s embrace having not felt this safe in days. He didn’t know why it felt that way, not like Hacker was capable of fighting someone off if the house was for example broken into.

Regardless, it was nice. He didn’t mind it.

Shockingly, despite his fatigue, Hacker was the one who fell asleep first. Finch only realized it when he tried to turn to his side but got pulled closer instead.

He didn’t try again, letting the sleeping Hacker do as he wished. The other was a heavy sleeper, he didn’t have to worry that much about waking him.

“You worry too much for me” he muttered, a weight setting back in his chest.

“This is why I feared accepting your advances, it’ll be the death of you. I’m not worth all of that” he sighed, though a smile didn’t leave his face.

With that, he drifted off to a dreamless sleep.

[3terna15unshin3]

Then Because She Goes

Cry, I will love you, love you, love you

★ Chapter 13 of 15, 3498 words

★ Matty Healy x Original Female Character

★ warnings: angst, descriptions of grief and depression

<< 12

18 September, 2019

Matty was right. Everything was okay. Until it wasn’t, and Este got the call.

She dropped everything to catch a plane to London. A train would be too slow. She had to be with her family. The two weeks she spent there felt like some of the longest weeks of her life.

There wasn’t a moment that the universe let her mind rest—it was a constant buzz of anger, sadness, release. She was mad that bad things happened to good people. Sad that there was so little time left. And eventually, two Mondays later, it happened. Este thought that when it did, her emotions would peak and then she’d be on the comedown—slowly, she guessed. But it wasn’t. Every day felt like the worst of what was to come. And the worst kept coming.

The clothes draped on her body remained the same for too long. Even their musty stench that grew as time passed couldn’t inspire her to change, so Cate had to force her out of them. She’d been helpful through those horrid weeks, constantly checking up on her best friend, even coming down to London a couple of times to take Este’s mind off of things and attempt to bring her back down to earth.

Two days after the dreaded Monday, they came back home to Manchester to grab some more of their things. Enough to last them through the weekend and however long Este felt she would need to stay. Work was a worry, but it didn’t matter to her as much as it probably should have.

After helping her flatmate pack another bag and essentially petting her head to sleep, Cate considered how intensely Este’s life had been put on hold to make room for her grief. There was no time to make new memories when she was all consumed with trying to cling to the ones with Florencia. Este was terrified of the reality that one day she’d struggle to remember them as brightly as they once were.

Cate thought about the increasing number displayed in the red notification bubble at the corner of her Messages app, and the people waiting to hear from her. The plans Este must have had, and their inevitable rain-checks. That’s when Matty came to mind. She decided that sending him a text would aid in planning their accommodations back in London, in case of some small chance that he’d have time to be there for the rites.

Matty Healy (famous)

Yesterday at 20:50 PM

hey. i thought i’d let you know that the funeral is on saturday morning. wasn’t sure if este invited you out but i know she’d want you there

i also have no idea where in the world you even are rn

so if you can’t make it then don’t worry

Today at 06:04 AM

Funeral????

I haven’t heard from her since this past Saturday

What’s going on

oh my god. she didn’t tell you

i’m so sorry you had to find out this way and that it isn’t coming from este but her nan passed away on monday.

Shit

I don’t know what to say, I’m so sorry

Can I ask what happened?

she’s been in remission for a couple of years, but in mid august ish she got super sick again. everything happened really fast and there weren’t any treatment options.

so at the beginning of september este went down to stay with josé in the house. the whole family went. they at least got to be with each other for her last couple of weeks

Is she still there in London or are u guys in Manchester

she just arrived back to the flat to pick up more of her stuff and figure out her leave from work and stuff with sam

we’re staying the night but heading back tomorrow. wake is on friday morning and the funeral the next day

Was just trying to figure out if somehow I could make it but I’m in Auckland

Would take days on a plane and we have a bunch of Australian shows coming up

I don’t think theres a way

it’s ok matty. she’ll understand

sorry for loading this all on you out of nowhere

No, thank you for telling me

Please let me know if there’s something I can do. Even from all the way out here

Anything

Today at 11:29 AM

i will

but also, just as a heads up, este really is not in a good place. she’s in good hands, so you dont have to worry or anything, but maybe just wait for her to reach out first before saying anything. hopefully you can understand why i ask that of you

hope your shows in australia go well x

Of course I understand x

Thank you Cate

Matty’s heart broke for Este and her family when he read the texts sitting in his notifications after his long plane journey out to New Zealand. In the car ride over to the hotel, Hann took note of how unusually his mouth was pressed into a flat line as he furiously typed away on his phone, eventually asking him what was up.

“Cate’s just told me that Este’s nan just passed.” he explained, “She was just super vague at the start about a funeral and I haven’t heard from Este at all, so I panicked,”

“Did you think she was inviting you to Este’s funeral?”

“Dunno, really. ‘Funeral’ is just a scary word.” Matty continued typing as Cate’s responses came through.

“Shit. Sorry, mate.” said George, giving his condolences. “How old was she?”

“75. Cate’s saying it was cancer.” As he read more texts, the further it was explained.

“The nan with the gallbladder?” Ross asked, a contained amusement sitting on his face as he brought up the story he shared when the guys had first met Este and Cate.

Matty threw him a grimace. “Yes, Ross. I’m sure she had a gallbladder. But if you mean the one who was my nurse after I got mine removed, then also yes.” Despite how inappropriate his joke seemed, Matty was glad the mood lifted when it gained a couple bittersweet chuckles from the rest of the guys. “Este never told me about any of it, so I’m just a bit shocked,”

He’d been frozen with grief before, so he didn’t blame her for not saying anything. Letting her heal was necessary—and his feelings couldn’t matter less in this situation. Plus, the idea of sending a message was too scary. He didn’t know what to say, or how to say it, or want to overstep. So Cate suggesting he let Este come to him first helped him with the internal dilemma.

She almost regretted reaching out to Matty after discovering that Este hadn’t told him about Florencia. It felt like crossing a boundary; like something that should have been shared on her accord instead of by her best friend over text. To clear her conscience, Cate confessed what she had done as they sat on the train back to London the next day.

“Hey,” she started, to break the silence and grab Este’s attention. Her sad eyes looked up to acknowledge the conversation and her curious eyebrows raised.

“Yesterday I was thinking about where I’d be staying this weekend and if there would be enough room at your grandparents’ house. Which I know you said there would be—but it just had me thinking about everyone who may need accommodations for coming in from out of town—and I thought of Matty. Which in retrospect, was stupid in the first place, since his literal house is in London. Impulsively I just sent him a text without even asking you first, and I feel really guilty for intruding, especially since he let me know that you hadn’t told him or anything. So I’m sorry. I don’t know what I was thinking in the moment, I just—“

A reassuring and gentle hand was felt on Cate’s forearm. It was Este’s, as if to say, ‘It’s okay’. She gave a soft smile and Cate showed one similarly, still holding her breath from the anticipation of what reaction the fact she revealed may conjure.

All she did was swipe away Cate’s auburn hair before leaning her head on her shoulder—where the hair once sat—so that the weight wouldn’t pull on it, sighing quietly. Este didn’t feel strongly about anything at that moment, letting the clunky sounds of the train and the presence of her best friend envelop her numbness.

It wasn’t an active decision to keep Matty uninformed. It was probably due to her refusing to believe it would ever come to the point of relevance. That if she didn’t admit that Florencia was sick again, then the gut-wrenching inevitability couldn’t be real life. And once it was—as much as Este craved the comfort she knew he’d provide her—she couldn’t be rational. It was an all-consuming paralysis.

The air in the house was heavy. Endless paperwork screamed for attention from the dining room table, so her parents and granddad were busy dealing with that; not saying much to the two girls as they entered. A touch on the small of Este’s back was given by José, who didn’t usually use his words to show his love for her anyway. The warmth from where his hand brushed against her lingered for a couple of long seconds.

Before Cate and Este reached the spare room they’d be sharing for the weekend, her mother stopped them.

“You should look at the flowers on the counter, E. They’re beautiful.” said Percy.

Setting her bags down, Este agreed and stepped back out to the kitchen. The bouquet that came into her view was huge. They had received flowers from a couple of people since Monday, mostly dainty and affordable and easy to look at. But this one took her by surprise; its full shape made up of the most colourful foliage she could imagine. Her Lola would have loved it.

You could sense Florencia’s kookiness from the loud and maximalist decor throughout her house. Este acquired the hoarding habits from her. She could recall a couple of times her nan commented on how boring she found pre-made bunches from the supermarket, and how she wished she could combine every different type of bouquet to have one that actually interested her. If someone told Este that her grandmother picked the flowers sitting on the counter in front of her, she’d believe them.

“Wow, they are beautiful.” She mumbled, about to ask her family if they knew who had sent them.

But, a note card stuck out of the top. Este flipped it open.

‘For Este-

Life is just as precious and beautiful as it is unfair. I am so sorry it has been unfair to you. I feel both lucky to have even briefly known Florencia, and also terrible that I can’t be there to support you. Thinking of your family always.

All my love

Matty x’

Her shaky hand grabbed the card and slipped it into the pocket of her sweats for safekeeping—her question now answered. One day she would be able to accept how thoughtful his words were, and even send him a message to say thank you. But that day wasn’t today.

-

23 September, 2019

Sam knew he had to hire another employee at Greenhouse to make up for Este’s absences.

Over the years, there had been many occasions where time off was needed by either her or Oliver or even the owner himself; so there were a few solutions they’d usually jump to. A couple of close friends of the store had been kept on the store’s payroll to jump in when needed. But, Sam had a feeling that he’d be in need of something more. Meeting Este when she was a mere nineteen years old, he was aware of the tightly knit family she possessed—and he had never seen her in the state she was in now. This was clearly world-shifting for her.

She tried to insist on coming back to work that Monday morning, only a week to the day of her grandmother’s passing. Sam could hear the quiet quiver in her voice when they spoke on the phone, already in the process of sorting through CVs and inviting potential hires for interviews. Not with the intent to replace Este, but to ensure she could take the full time she needed off without the pressure of letting the business down. Of course, he refused to make her travel all the way back to Manchester and firmly encouraged her to stay with her family for as long as she wished to.

So, Este stayed in London—for much longer than she expected to. Weeks went by and she was still there. Her mum and dad were forced to leave not long after the weekend of the funeral; on account of some dodgy conversation with their bosses about time off. It didn’t feel right to leave José alone in the house. Este felt his sorrow through their silence. They slept under the same roof every night, both shutting their eyes to be able to see the sparkling memories of Florencia that were painted on the inside of their eyelids.

She did a lot of sleeping, for that very reason. And randomly got really good at Scrabble. Her and her granddad had played a couple of times which sparked her interest, but it soon spiralled into Este playing against computers through an app on her phone for most hours of the day. She thought to herself, After this game I’ll get up and do something else. But she never got up and she never did anything else.

Her vocabulary expanded. Este even considered ordering a Scrabble dictionary off of Amazon. She paid for Prime, so it could even come tomorrow. It’s okay, she reassured, It’ll wear off. I won’t sit here and play Scrabble until the end of time.

But what if I do? she feared.

-

Percy came to visit quite frequently. To both make sure her father and daughter were holding up, all alone in London, and to feel closer to Florencia. The house still smelled like her. Sometimes, she’d have to remind Este to go out and buy groceries after seeing that they were running low; or convince José to pay his bills on time. He had a hard time remembering what day it was.

She brought Dano with her whenever she was over. It helped spike Este’s mood, though temporarily. Her voice would reach its excited high pitch when she heard his paws tap on the hardwood floor and shower him in the only love she had left in her.

Este liked letting her family’s golden retriever up onto her bed, even though the fur that he left behind sometimes made her sneeze in the middle of the night. She liked how warm he was and that the in-and-out of his breathing helped punctuate her thoughts.

One night, she took a break from resting her face against him and gave Cate a call. She was nice enough to come back from Manchester a couple of times to bring more of Este’s belongings from their flat, helping to make the spare room feel more like her own. Cate saw her grief for what it was and gave Este the rigidity that others were scared to. The words she had trouble saying to herself felt easier to believe when her best friend was on the receiving line. Gently petting Dano’s coat, her voice escaped with a tremble.

She talked about how after seeing a trailer for a film called The Farewell (that was coincidentally about a sick grandmother) on the telly a couple of days ago, she hadn’t turned it on since. How she thought rereading Little Women might comfort her, but then she reached the part where Beth dies and couldn’t finish it. How she dreamt of her Lola every night.

But alas, the ponderous energy of the air around her lifted slightly. And when Cate hung up, after both girls lost track of time and realised the late hour, Este leaned back down onto Dano like he was her pillow, surprised to find his fur all wet with her tears.

-

29 October, 2019

Following the release of the third single for Notes On A Conditional Form, Frail State of Mind, Matty and the rest of the band had a couple of weeks off before playing Pitchfork Music Festival in Paris. Though they were still busy writing, the time away from performing left Matty thinking about Este more often. Sure, he was sort of always thinking of her; but it felt elevated during their first long break since he’d last heard from her.

He had sent a couple of texts to Cate to make sure she was alright, but never felt entitled to know more than just that. So, he was shocked to see messages waiting for him, from Este. The sheer anticipation made his thumb shake as it clicked to open it.

E ★

Today at 18:11 PM

I know this is more than a month overdue, but thank you for the flowers and sweet message. They were the most beautiful we’d received. The whole family loved them, and I’m sure my nan would have too

Pls don’t feel bad about not coming in for the funeral. I remembered that you’d be too far and that’s ok. It’s me that should be sorry for not letting u know what was going on. You deserved to know. But I’d be lying if I said i was doing better. Things are still really hard

I hope u can believe me when i say that I really do appreciate you Matty. I know you would be there for me if I let you in. But im sort of struggling to let anyone in rn.

Sorry for spamming you, I will text soon x

Este theres nothing you should be apologising for

Losing my nan was one of the hardest things I’ve had to go through

I’m never more than a text away, just remember that xx

Congrats on the new song too, you can imagine I relate to it a bit. Lol

After those few messages, Matty stopped hearing from her. They gave him a bit of hope, so Este’s radio silence hurt him a little bit more the second time around. He gave up reaching out after just over a month of no responses. Once in a while he would send a text to Cate, just to snuff his fear of something worse going on, and she assured him that she was alive. Not necessarily ‘good’, but alive. Matty guessed that it was a sufficient response and eventually stopped pestering.

It felt odd to mix the song he wrote about her in the studio while they weren’t even in contact. With it only running for a couple of seconds more than two minutes, they didn’t spend an overwhelming amount of time on it. But, as Matty listened back to his buried vocals that sang the lyrics he wrote about Este and their short bursts of memories between dragging months apart, he couldn’t help but yearn for her.

He liked that the song was so short, and that the lyrics were hard to pick apart. It felt like a little moment. The final line, ‘Will you stay or wait?’ repeated through Matty’s head as they perfected the song’s shoe-gazey production, booming in his chest through its painful relevance.

When they reached America for their final leg of tour that year, her name was sketched into Matty’s ear whenever they performed I Couldn’t Be More In Love. But what about these feelings I’ve got, he thought—too literally.

He would meet a fan that had a dimple and would think of her. Or one that had a septum piercing. And think of her if he ever drove past a small book shop.

Then, inevitably, Matty could feel the brightest element of his life slowly dim to darkness—fading into a fleeting moment of his past. But the memory stayed, along with a small glimmer of hope. And he knew he’d be at her feet the minute Este wanted him there again.

14 >>

[skyburger]

lately ive been going through my google history when im bored (which is so incredibly entertaining btw. highly recommend) and apparently, after double-checking my camera roll that date & finding proof to support this theory, i did indeed first watch hlvrai on november 4th of 2020. absolutely insane. i thought i hadnt seen it until mid-2021 at LEAST.

shoutsout to my friends who i watched it with at the time half of which i dont talk to anymore... i owe u for getting me into funny half-life series. thank you oomf

WARNING !!! below the read more is a long fucking list of funny* things i found in my camera roll from the week i first watched hlvrai. like not the images themselves just me talking about them. i dont know why i thought that was a good idea but alas i already spent 90+ minutes writing that all out and tbf i did have a good laugh looking at that shit. anyway the warning is because its long as fuck and i'm willing to bet not at all interesting to anyone who isn't me. i think if i talk any more i will ramble for fucking ever so ill shut up. WARNING OVER !!! miami make some fucking NOISE. dj tsumugi.

*please note these were funny to both me in late 2020 (age 15) and me now (older but not at all wiser). what im trying to say is read at your own risk because 90% of this is unfunny as fuck but it could be worse. it could be shit from when i was 12. That would be really bad i think

anyway here are some highlights from my camera roll from like the day before, the day of & the day after "the incident" (me watching hlvrai):

a ridiculous amount of terezi pyrope pictures. i had not (and still have not) ever read homestuck

at least 30 pictures of hugh o'conner. probably more if im being honest with myself

the same few pictures of kokichi ouma? for some reason?

like a lot of pictures of nagito komaeda. there is at least one screenshot where my discord pfp is nagito. Something Happened

vriska and nepeta also make an appearance. the former more so but not nearly as much as terezi for some reason

a lot of screenshots of discord convos involving various hughdebeste aus. some favorites are the homestuck au, the peabody & sherman au(???), the meet the robinsons au(??????), splatoon au

blu and red scout tf2 they have taco bell and kfc shirts respectively?

professor sycamore from pokemon and professor sycamore from layton. there are multiple images of each and theyre right next to each other

screenshots of the homestuck wiki. Concerning

a screenshot of an email i got from nintendo about the special edition fortnite switch releasing

like a lot of screenshots of alfendi layton from when i was playing lbmr. not surprising but theres kind of a ridiculous amount

a picture of alvin (the chipmunk) that just says "WE DID IT"

screenshots of me talking in ridiculous 13375P34K on twitter and being accused of kinning from homestuck. quite frankly? i deserved that

hatsune miku makes a few appearances

many tumblr post screenshots. However i did not take these myself i just saved them from reddit. really ashamed to admit i did this for literal years even when i used tumblr at the same time

picture of professor layton standing in that one pose in that one picture i dont know how to describe it. the "you know i had to do it to em" one

that one bugs bunny suit meme and it says "i wish all boobed men a very pleasant evening". this was apparently important enough for me to save twice like an hour and a half apart

many screenshots of me on discord AND twitter posting quotes from hlvrai as i watched it. this includes on my masked disciple roleplay account

a picture of my danganronpa trilogy for ps4 copy. but its one of those live pictures so when i click on it i get attacked (i had the flash on because i took this picture in the dark)

that one really terrible picture of tommy coolatta thats like the first non-fanart picture of him on google images. thrilled to announce i think thats been the only image on his wiki page for years now

picture of hime & mikoto meika's mmd models. i think they had recently released or been announced at this point

catboy apollo justice & wolf boy klavier gavin gacha life gifs. i think my friend made this (if it was in fact my friend and not someone random this was the same friend who streamed hlvrai and thus changed my life forever btw)

that old meme about not passing [xyz] the aux because theyll play [abc]. it says "Do NOT pass the kinnie the aux / They'll just playin 'Alvvays - Archie, Marry Me (Official Video)'"

screenshots of calendar events i set up celebrating the anniversary of two dgs characters' deaths (genklimt fans rise up!)

screenshot of my real kinlist on my real carrd from 2020. i can tell it was just edited because this screenshot has scribbles on it (i circled the latest addition to my kinlist which is in fact "dr. coomer")

screenshots of me and my oomfs on this one specific anime rp roblox game that i WISH i could remember the name of. it let you import pngs of any character you wanted so we had pictures of ace attorney guys hanging out with madoka girls at some point. this specific instance includes klavier gavin, baby trucy wright, rosie from animal crossing & a blue orb thing(??). we are all incredibly small for some reason

john cena suit gangnam style depression. this is saved multiple times. does anyone else remember this post i used to be obsessed with it for some reason

picture of a historical moment in my life (the day i changed my ps4 username to "TheKokichiOuma" which i have regretted for years now. in my defense it did actually use to be worse than that im so serious. 2018 was a dark time why did i pick the name "DabWeebPolics". Horrific!

screenshot of a string of tweets between me and a friend at the time. the tweets arent actually important except for the first one which reads "these gummy bears taste british i cant explain it". this is only important because i remember these fucking gummy bears and they DID taste british in like the same way heathrow airport feels british you know

this one picture of my chemical romance in a forest(?) but bob looks like my fucking dad at a quick glance and it scares me every time i see it. i saved this multiple times over the course of that day

various pictures my friend made of jove justice being set on fire

the really short businessman with the fuckass bob from the lorax but my oomf edited him to look like kazuma asougi

picture of byakuya togami which is only funny because it has text on top of him that says "I. DO. NOT. GEC!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

a single screenshot of a tumblr post about the events of That Day (destiel putin election day.) the only other thing referencing this in my gallery is a screenshot of the trending tab on twitter (the trends are, in order. 1. #TrumpMeltdown 2. destiel 3. #ElectionResults2020)

two paper mario character pngs followed by that one misha collins picture. you know the one

various screenshots of a mishapocalypse happening on twitter

more super paper mario pngs

im going through pictures slightly further out from nov 4th now (i think after i look at nov 2nd & nov 6th ill call it quits). first image i see is that "gay people i respect vs. gay people i dont respect" image and i dont know why i saved that nevermind i scrolled and immediately found i made a dgs meme out of that

phoenix wright BASED ON GAY MANGA?

went through the ace attorney mamboleo person's deviantart that day i think so i have various funny works of theirs saved. i think the average person actually would know them as the stamp on the ground animation person so. Thats them too. on a side note watching that video after you got into metal gear is fucking insane

that mom against cat boys tshirt

a lot of unnoteworthy professor layton & ace attorney & dgs images

ben shapiro on the ace attorney witness stand?

oh im finding out i got really fucking mad at william petenshy that day. iirc i got so fucking annoyed at this case i didnt even finish it i just. skipped it. i wasnt even playing it i was just watching it???

one of those "tag yourself / which mutual am i" posts but all the options are characters from my kinlist. one of the titles is a jfk clone high reference

screenshots of dms to klimt van zieks begging him to drop a kinlist

a screenshot of a friends reply to my tweet (hi doop) which did just remind me of my "damon gant is apollo justice's grandpa" theory. this tweet manages to tie yanni yogi into the family tree

screenshot of a discord music bot playing a youtube video (remember when they could do that?). the video is titled "henry ledore does his taxes for 10 minutes asmr"

apparently i looked at characters i share a mbti with that day. highlights include souseki (the dgs guy. no idea about the real one), ron delite, flora reinhold, pyro tf2, agent 8 (splatoon), n harmonia & my goat DERPY HOOVES

screenshot of part of twitter's trending page. it says that trending in the united kingdom, with at least 3,610 tweets, is "Homosexuals"

screenshots of multiple tweets in a row from me. they all involve me frantically talking about how i really want to kin nagito komaeda even though i know fuck-all about him

various pictures of markiplier (both in real life & in fma)

real screenshot of me unironically saying "mental illness innit" in reference to myself. this was in my twitter dms with my friends klimt van zieks roleplay account which is even worse

original gina lestrade & egg benedict image made by me. if you know the apollo gant image its basically that

okay i lied i went back to nov 1st and i think i'll check nov 7th afterwards. one full week of nonsense. this proved to be a good idea because i immediately found a screenshot of a text to my mom asking her if she kinned gnomeo from gnomeo and juliet. she said yes

possible origin of why i own a boss baby poster: oomf kin-assigned me the boss baby

possibly my favorite example of the twitter feature where it shows you the original tweet and then the last two replies on a long thread of replies to that post. the original tweet is me saying in all caps "i care him so much he is so small" about luke triton (what a 2020 sentence!). the last two replies are from me and then my oomf but i think only the first of the two needs recounting. it says "do you really want to explain vore to your teachers". i know i say i want context a lot but i genuinely do really want context for this what the fuck happened here

oh good! boss baby update: theres a screenshot of my ebay purchase of "BOSS BABY Poster A5"

im on pictures from november 7th now. i think i went through a figures bot that day because i have a frankly ridiculous amount of figures (mostly nendoroids. mostly miku nendoroids.) there's also the default hime & mikoto png in the middle of these

twitter notification screenshot. apparently kristoph gavin ace attorney followed me that day

i think i went and looked through a christian memes subreddit or twitter account or SOMETHING i dont know where else these all came from. this is followed by a staggering amount of facebook minion memes

side note: does anyone else remember the aatwt (ace attorney twitter) & puyo puyo twitter crossover event in the michael's customer service chat incident? that feels like a different universe

this one is really nothing compared to any of this other stuff but i do have proof of me saying "pog" unironically

grand finale to this saga is actually from a couple days after (nov 9th 2020) but after seeing the staggering amount of death the kid images i had saved over like two days (i had watched a couple episodes of soul eater with my pals) i felt compelled to dig up my "death the kid get wifi anywhere you go" fancam. i might post it later cause its a classic (only to me)

thank you all so much for watching remember to like and subscribe and whatever. thank you for reading this if you read it for some fucking reason. i spent just over an hour and a half looking through this shit & typing this but it was a nice walk thru memory lane tbh! im gonna shut up now before i start rambling. feel free 2 ask for the images or context to any of these i literally love rambling. peace and love on planet earth. LOVE YOU ALL!!! GOODNIGHT NEW YORK CITY

[rottytops]

i definitely think the adhd medication (successfully) rewired my brain and made me seek out long term goals over short term pleasure like i have been literally my entire life so now my current goals are to unfuck my credit to move away from my shitty roomies, get my new car and actually get into an ltr lmao

SUPRISINGLY ENOUGH 2 of these 3 goals are either in progress or very obtainable ive been saving a tunna cash and i can get a new car next month after i get my license renewed and ive found this cute little studio that i can maybe move into if i get help co-signing it, then ill just camp out there until my loans are paid off in 50000 years

the last one though.,,,,its so weird. the like. burning fervor to date someone long term kinda slugged me in the back of the head! ive always WANTED a nice relationship but it was never a PRIORITY to me bc i had video games or whatever. these new feelings made me realize ive been living my life like. entirely for myself which is FINE but my standards for myself (combined with how ADHD made me content with literally anything as long as it was easy) make me like. gutter trash tier as a partner, i think. essentially as i am now, unless the other person is equal parts deranged and shitty, im utterly unlovable which is like. tough tits i guess. but if im honest about it i can at least try to change it. part of me is conflicted; if i have to change myself to become more datable, is the person really dating me, or am i just creating a false persona to get conditional love. its a scary thought but at the same time im not really changing MYSELF past getting in shape and taking care of my skin, its more im giving up on being a dopamine addicted manchild and getting my own apartment. with my own car and stuff...these are actually just completely normal goals to have and i already wanted them i just kinda have new motivation for it lmao!

you cant just force a relationship and theres no way im attracting the hoes to me in my shitty room, so i think i need to??? go??? outside??? and hang out with ppl??? utterly mortifying but when i get my car next month i think i can actually do that. id like to make more irl friends as well, i had a bunch of friends in college so. i guess ill go to more smash locals or something but outside of that sigh sigh i have no idea.

these major revelations have all hit me in like the past 2 weeks, since i started my medication and the dosage was upped, i have a lot of work to do and not that much time to do it, really!!!! i hope i can become someone like. worth keeping around in a few months time...!!! the pieces are there i just need to like, put them together....



i could write a whole thing on how mad i am that it took me so long to get medicated and how fast i became a Normal Person after being on meds but like idk that line of thinking doesnt help anybody...!! i accomplished so much even with my debilitating ADHD and now i can do so much more with a mindset that can actually handle the shit neurotypical people expect me to be able to do, considering how im literally good at everything, combined with how ive managed to survive this long with almost no real help from irl people (seriously ive gotten more assistance from my online friends than literally anybody in my family both financially and emotionally) means that me WITH medication is gonna go absolutely insane. im going to be like ultra rich this time next year, probably LMAO....or at least have a boyfriend AURHUFG



anyway if u read this for some reason i love u and also give me ideas on going out and meeting people, i think i can hold a conversation just fine but where do people even GO. do you guys think ppl at bars or whatever know about disgaea. hmmm.

[sardonic-sprite]

I'm Back!

Wow, so Lent is over now, so my tumblr fast is also over and I'm still a little in shock, lol. I had hoped the past six weeks? I don't know, Time is weird, would be more productive but at least I got SOME stuff written/posted. Anyway, I have one more month of school and then fucking FINALS so expect sporadic updates at idiot-o-clock hours of the night, and maybe yell at me to sleep, eat, study, or drink water whenever i do post 😅

I am up to SO EFFING MANY wips rn on so many different fronts you guys have no freaking idea 😭 so here's a status report for EVERYTHING on or going on sardonic_sprite. (Its gonna be a monster post, y'all, bear with me)

in absolutely no particular order:

Wayne4Ham: We have a LONG way to go with this one, so just be patient and I'll slowly but steadily plug on through. Aaron Burr, Sir, should theoretically take me no longer than end of april

Wayne-Crazy: there's like 4 specific requests on it, plus a few 'series' i started, but after those, say 6-7, i'll probably mark as complete and only re-open if someone offers me an idea

Batman Beginners: i'll tell y'all up front, this one will take me forever. i don't even know what all I intend to cover, but know that i'm halfway done with the DITF arc, and it'll probably come out in the next two months

Just A Kid: this was my shits-and-giggles fic that got like 3000 notes in a weekend lmao. it's something i do intend to continue bc its so fun and i enjoy the concepts in it, but i don't have plans to actively write more of it in the immediate future.

Rev Wayne: just gave y'all Jason's fic, so the next probably won't come until late in summer, extrapolating from my few data points. if anyone has ideas for timmy's intro, let me know, i'd love some inspiration

Celeb Batwaynes: reported separate from wayne-crazy for reasons. i think theres like 12 specific requests plus 2 ideas of my own. i may put out a poll for the next one to write, but not until after school's out, because these fics are HUGE time-eaters for me. speaking of, are non-tumblr-users able to vote on polls?

Welcome to Gotham U: this was again, me doing shit bc why not. will probably add more in the style that i first posted, but i doubt i will write any prose for it. if you would like to give it a try, please reach out, i'd love to see what you write!

One Diamond: every time i touch this i make the cliffhanger worse lmao. i finally do have a direction, but execution is gonna have to wait a while.

The Young, Innocent, and Righteous: this is mostly just for me anyway, but i'm just gonna say that i'm waiting until i finish watching miraculous season 5 before i go any further

AS you wish: i have 5 more requests to do and i am so sorry to everyone waiting you do not deserve this lmao. i promise im trying, i love your ideas, it just takes me a really long time to fill in the rest and then actually write it. the next one on my list is particularly hard to pin down and so it's halting the ones behind it to. if not before, then after finals i will sit and bang my head on the keyboard until something good comes out

Light Isn't Fadin': soooooo many people have asked me about this one oof. SOMEDAY, i swear. right now its a huge, nebulous, hulking monster and im sorry it's just not happening yet.

A christmas carol: wait until december. please

Father's Day: june.

A Little Problem: over the summer, i will watch marvel movies until they once again hijack my brain and fuel this to completion. maybe.

easter eggs: how the fuck did i forget this lmao. i'm doing as much as i can in april, but when the month is done, i'm sorry, we'll all be waiting until next lenten season. hopefully it won't come to that.

aaaaand i THINK that's finally it. there's also a bunch of random paragraphs in word and google docs that may appear, not to mention ideas that kidnap me in dark alleys. but i also have like a good half dozen other wips for other places that im trying to attend to, so please be forgiving if it seems like its taking a while to post something as sprite.

as always, i love questions, comments, concerns, even some complaints, so feel free to interact.

See ya when I see ya!

sprite

[liloinkoink]

so three things abt lamplight rn

1. lamplight’s gonna have three arcs. 

one) torchlight arc, which consists of the first meeting fic (aptly named torchlight) and goes up until martyn officially escapes the watchers by making it back to civilization at large. there’s only really one or two other things im planning for this arc, its just their first week or two of knowing each other. this is the shortest arc

two) lamplight arc, which is the bulk of the fic and also what i have the least planned. sleeping hound and 20 questions take place here, and i have a fww other things i want to write in it. i am also, honestly, open to requests if anyone wants to throw smth in the ring here. its the time martyn is adventuring just Wherever with his lantern. this has the capacity to be the longest arc

three) moonlight arc, or the arc where ren gets a body. the first part of this arc is written and posted already, and will be a three-chapter fic. i do have one or two things other than that fic in mind for moonlight as well, but nothing concrete for an ending 

2. i have all the longer lamplight pieces drafted on ao3 and will be posting htem over the nect few days, the last piece of which is that noncanon lamplight-verse treebark one i never posted. im holding off on posting 20 questions until i can write up another short piece or two to pair it with (and i can edit it a little to be more of a middle-fic piece than an intro piece), but that’ll also be on ao3, so essentially 5 more pieces will be up on ao3 over a few days

i am already writing the next lamplight pieces and will continue to do so because. yknow. theres diseases in my brain

3. i said in the tags of an ask that i was considering open the floor if ppl wanted to write lamplight fic. i have since seen interest in this, so the floor is officially open. if you want to write smth in the lamplight arc, you can probably just go for it. for the torchlight or moonlight arcs, you should probs wait till ive got more of them out. 

as always, feel free to ask me stuff about lamplight au! i love answering asks about it. if youre interested in writing or drawing for it and have any questions abt the au, feel free to shoot me (or Haunted, esp for art) an ask! 

[tsukkishinata]

fic: doctorflower au

ship: tsukihina

type: fic

complete?: yup

word count: ~2800

notes: this asadai fic (here) had them as a sideship with a story and i just wanted to know what it was so i wrote it lol. the details aren’t directly the same, I just mostly took the premise and rolled with it

warning: uh, theres a fade to black sex scene lmao but its nothing at all, theyre adults and really flirty here

Based on the AsaDai fic where Tsuki was apparently a doctor who didn’t take care of himself and Hinata worked at a flower shop. It’s Future Fic/Canon Divergent.

Despite being a health practitioner, Tsukishima wasn’t the epitome of health. It was difficult when he had to work long hours and take short breaks. With no one to monitor him, he just went about his life like that for the past few years.

Hinata was making his weekly delivery to the hospital gift shop. He didn’t expect to see Tsukishima Kei there. They hadn’t really spoken much after high school and Tsuki doesn’t really keep in contact, so Hinata had no idea he had been working so close to home. (He at least knew he was in the medical field, if he remembered correctly which college Tsuki said he was attending before they graduated.)

They were in the hospital cafeteria, Tsukishima taking a small break, Hinata who just wanted to grab a quick drink before heading back. It ended up a short reunion but Hinata managed to convince Tsuki to exchange numbers.

The next time Hinata had deliveries, he contacted Tsuki to see if they could do lunch together. He sounded reluctant but Tsuki invites Hinata to his office, where he usually takes his lunch break. Tsukishima’s definition of lunch break meant to eat while working. As in, maybe a few onigiri and lots of coffee. Hinata was appalled to see this and went into full lecture mode, saying he needed to eat properly. Upon closer inspection, Tsuki probably doesn’t sleep too well either as evidence by the bags under his eyes. Hinata made up his mind to at least get Tsuki to eat more.

Hinata makes him lunch the next day. 

“What are you, my mom?”

Hinata sits with him during break and doesn’t leave until he eats it all. Tsukishima is reluctant, not knowing how well Hinata is as a cook but the bento is surprisingly edible. Hinata makes sure to distract Tsukishima so that he’s not working while eating. Hinata leaves with the empty lunchbox and Tsuki doesn’t thank him but he feels a little better physically. 

This becomes a thing. Hinata tries to make lunch daily but he has his own job and life to worry about. Tsuki says it’s annoying but he always eats the lunch Hinata brings him. 

Hinata catches him at the end of a shift one time and enters his car with him, forcing Tsuki to let him go home with him. Hinata had prepared a batch of food for the week so Tsuki had meals for several days. Tsuki doesn’t ask why he can’t come every few days like he always does. Hinata preps them dinner and they eat together. Just as Hinata thought, Tsukishima probably didn’t eat enough at home either. 

After they’re done with their meal, Hinata helps clean up. Tsukishima watches Hinata try to put some of his stuff away and snickers when he can’t reach the top cabinets. Hinata pouts and tells him to put it away himself before leaving. It’s been a while since Tsukishima had anyone over, so after Hinata leaves, his place feels quieter than before. But with his belly full from two actual meals, he sleeps surprisingly well that night.

Hinata does still come to see him so they can eat lunch together. Tsukishima looks a bit fuller from eating more and getting more rest. 

Some nights, tsuki would come back to his apartment to see that Hinata had left some food for him at his door. 

On one of his rare day offs, he finds Hinatas flower shop. Hinata is surprised to see him but tsukki buys some flowers and asks when he’s done with work. Confused, Hinata asks what for and Tsuki tells him that he wants to take him out for dinner, to thank him for all the meals Hinata has made.

Hinata is blushing and Tsukishima realizes what exactly his proposition sounded like, which was not his intention. He’s floundering around but Hinata agrees. He’ll be back to pick him up later. Tsuki leaves and Hinatas coworker pokes fun at him for having a hot date. 

Hinata knows that this is Tsukishima so he most definitely did not mean it like that. He feels a  sense of deja vu where he did a double take at Tsukis request to go somewhere with him…

Tsuki picks him up and they go somewhere, not super fancy, just yakiniku. Hinata eats his fill, and makes sure Tsukishima does as well. Tsuki eats what he can but of course could ever compete with Hinata's appetite. They banter over silly things and they have a good time. Tsukishima pays for the meal and Hinata is happy to see that Tsukishima could loosen up. 

They get in his car when tsuki remembers that he forgot to return hinata's containers. He asks if he’d like to swing by his place to pick them up? They agree and they’re head to Tsukishima’s place.

They don’t even realize what this feels like, a dinner and then bringing them home… Hinata is gathering his stuff, making sure that Tsukishima’s fridge is stocked and is about to leave when Tsukishima asks if he wants to stay the night. (Mostly because he wouldn’t have to make another trip.)

Hinata tries to poke fun, asking if this was Tsukis plan the entire time. Tsuki is flustered. It was definitely not his intention but he realizes what it sounds like after he says it out loud and he’s hiding his face.

Hinata laughs but declines staying. Tsuki escorts him home and Hinata waves him good night. 

They go about their days, Tsukishima definitely in a better mental place. Hinata is used to making his own meals to stay fit so he doesn’t have a problem making more for Tsukishima. He’s making his hospital visit when one of the receptionists recognizes him and tells him where Tsukishima is.

“Sensei is lucky to have someone like you in his life. I wish my partner came to see me every day with a fresh meal.”

Hinata flushes. He doesn’t correct them and just heads to Tsukishima’s office. He doesn’t know how he should feel about that. It’s definitely not the first time people mistaken their relationship. Hinata sometimes thinks that they’re not wrong? How often do you have a friend make and deliver you meals? They practically went on a date the other night. Tsukishima asked him to stay the night…

Hinata is red faced standing in front of Tsukishima’s office door. His heart beating rapidly as he’s still thinking about what their relationship is and could be. Tsukishima almost runs into him when he opens the door. Hinata, still flustered and can’t think properly, shoves the lunch at him and tells him that he’s in a hurry and apologizes so he’ll have to eat by himself. Tsukishima watches Hinata flee. 

Hinata is in a daze the next few days. He’s been trying to sort out his thoughts and feelings for Tsukishima. Of course he cares about him, that’s why he butted into his life like that, making him meals and checking in with him to make sure he’s taking care of himself. He has fun when he’s eating with him, Tsukishima is pleasant to be around. But does that mean he likes him? He really doesn’t know and he doesn’t know how Tsukishima views their relationship.

He thinks about both sides. If Tsukishima was just being nice, yeah, sounds plausible. He never was the best at being nice lol. Or if Tsukishima was trying to woo him? Hinata goes full flush whenever he thinks about that. Why does that thought make him so flustered and anxious? If he thinks about the implications, imagining him and Tsuki in dating and couple scenarios, Hinata just full out explodes because he can’t contain how fast his heart pounds. What does that MEAN???

Hinata apologizes for not being able to make meals the next week (via text). Tsukishima tells him it’s no problem and to take care of himself first. Hinata laughs saying that’s ironic coming from him. Tsukishima doesn’t think too much of it but he’s worried that he scared Hinata off. He doesn’t mind not getting hinata's meals anymore but he still wants to see him. 

Tsukishima finds himself in front of hinata's apartment complex one night. He hesitates by the door staring at the ringer (he didn’t know which complex hinata lived in..) when a voice calls him from behind. Hinata had gone out for a night run after work and had just returned. Tsukishima, not having gathered his thoughts yet, quietly motions to some soup he brought over. 

Hinata invites him in and they eat the soup, which Tsuki apparently made himself, because he thought Hinata might have gotten sick. Which was not a bad theory and that could have been the case but Hinata looked healthy, healthy enough to go jogging. 

Hinata is full of nerves because he had been trying to avoid Tsukishima so he can piece together what his feelings are. Seeing him in person, his heart is just as happy and he’s resigned himself to realizing he enjoys Tsukishima’s company more than he lets off. 

They’re sipping the soup in silence, both expecting the other to start the convo. Hinata had showered after his run so he’s sitting with shorts and wet hair and a towel around his neck, to catch the water from soaking up his t-shirt. Tsukishima hates that he wants to dry hinatas hair. He says to himself it’s so that Hinata doesn’t get sick but the back of his mind says he just wants to take care of Hinata, the way he had done for him. Anything to get closer to him.

Hinata jokes that Tsukishima can cook and isn’t a total lost cause. Tsuki counters that he never said he couldn’t cook, he just didn’t have time and energy to make his own meals. (Or eat them apparently, Hinata adds.) Hinata looks at his bowl of soup and apologizes for the past week and he could make him lunch again. Tsukishima responds that he really doesn’t have to if he’s tired of making food for him, Hinata doesn’t have any obligation to keep feeding him. 

“Is it bad if I want to?”

“You usually do what you want to anyway, so it’s not like I can stop you.” 

Tsukishima is actually relieved. He knows Hinata doesn’t have to keep making him food, and he is totally selfish for wanting him to. He wants to eat hinatas food, he wants to see him during lunch and maybe after work. 

“If… it’s not causing you any trouble.”

“Hinata, you forced yourself into my car and home to make me dinner like a few months ago.”

Hinata laughs. He finishes his soup and collects the containers, ready to wash them up so Tsukishima could take them home. Tsukishima watches Hinata move around his kitchen and he likes the sight. It’s nothing special, but Tsuki had never seen Hinata in his own habitat before. He’d love to see all sorts of sights of Hinata. 

They make small talk while Hinata finishes cleaning up. He asks what Tsuki would want to eat the next few days and Tsuki shrugs. (Tsuki bites his own tongue from saying “you.”)

There’s a tension in the air when Hinata passes the containers back and Tsuki is at the door. Hinata is looking up at him with wide eyes and Tsukishima swallows the lump in his throat and hurriedly bids him good night. 

Even after Tsukishima left, Hinata's heart was still running in rapid mode. He knew Tsukishima was tall but standing at his door step, Hinata still couldn’t reach Tsukishima’s level. It was bad that he was calculating how much he would have to reach if he wanted to kiss him. Hinata scrunches into a ball and screams into himself.

Tsukishima is sitting in his car, head slamming his wheel. He had physically restrained himself from touching Hinata and he knows it’s dangerous if they keep this up. He doesn’t know if he’s reading the atmosphere wrong, he hopes not, but he doesn’t want to scare Hinata off. 

They take lunch outside sometimes. There’s a nice grassy terrace by the hospital that is vacant if they’re lucky. They’re eating sandwiches that Hinata made, Hinata babbling about a large order for a customers cat’s birthday. Hinata pauses to take a bite out of his egg salad sandwich and resumes his story. 

“Don’t talk with your mouth full, that’s disgusting.”

Hinata makes a big motion of talking louder with food in his mouth and Tsukishima rolls his eyes. The bit of mayo clinging to the side of hinatas lip was way too distracting that Tsukishima thoughtlessly brought a napkin to wipe it off. 

That shut him up faster than anything. 

Tsukishima pulled back, not sure how he wanted to proceed. He coughs into his fist and apologizes. Hinata, suddenly shy, says it’s nothing and they munch on sandwiches awkwardly. Tsukishima finds that Hinata started to lick his lips a lot more afterwards.

The rest of their day, they’re both thinking about what excuse they could use to go over to the others place.

Tsukishima pulls up to Hinatas flower shop just as they’re closing up. He asks Hinata what he’s feeling for dinner tonight. Hinata smiles, and says “surprise me.”

Tsukishima takes him to his place and asks him to help him make dinner. They’re bouncing around Tsukishima’s kitchen, talking about other things. A few times they’d bump into each other and they’d smile nervously but continue working on their meal, tension thicker. 

Hinata is rummaging through the cabinets asking where the spices are. Tsuki reaches up behind him to grab it, which had been hidden from Hinata view due to his height. Hinatas breath catches at the warmth of Tsukishima’s body radiating off his back. If Tsukishima notices their proximity, he says nothing and continues cooking.

They eat their meal like they usually do, small talk mostly from Hinata and some curt responses from Tsukishima. It almost feels like a normal friend dinner, except there’s an underlying something behind every word, glance and movement.

After eating, they take roles of washing and drying the dishes. As Hinata passes the last item to Tsuki, their hands brush and they almost drop the bowl. Hinatas quickly reflexes saves it with his foot. They laugh and the tension is dispelled a bit. 

All things put away, Hinata makes to gather his stuff but Tsukishima stops him.

“Tell me if I’m reading this wrong.”

Tsukishima has him up against his counter, trapped between his arms. Hinatas heart is slamming against his chest but he feels a little better seeing how red Tsukishima’s face is as well. Hinata licks his lips and that’s about it for Tsukishima as he dives in.

Pulling away, Tsukishima straightens out his back and makes a crack about how far down he has to reach to get to Hinata, earning him a slap on the arm and Hinatas indignant pout. 

“Fine, I’ll just come to you.”

Hinata jumps against him and Tsukishima barely catches him. His back hits the wall but he’s too focused on Hinata in his hands and mouth.

Tsukishima lets Hinata down eventually because he’s not young anymore and his back and knees are killing him. Hinata laughs about how Tsukishima’s endurance was sad and Tsuki take it as a challenge and he picks him up and drops him on the couch where he kisses the life out of Hinata. Both breathless, Hinata asks if his bed is comfier than the couch and with that, Tsuki pulls him up and drags him to the bedroom.

They bone.

Anyway come morning, they’re crusty and tired and Tsuki probably had to get up for work but he really doesn’t want to. He feels like a sap watching Hinata in his sleep but he doesn’t know how he’d go on living without the man in his arms.

Hinata eventually wakes up, sits up in a jolt and asks for the time. He groans because he missed his morning jog and Tsuki rolls his eyes, then makes a pass about doing something else for morning exercise. Hinata looks at him, then bursts out laughing. He kisses him, morning breath and everything. He agrees.

Anyway they bang again and Tsuki calls out sick and Hinata had the day off anyway. After cleaning up, they make and eat breakfast together. Tsuki is hesitant to bring it up because he doesn’t want this to be a one time thing. He believes that they’re established but they didn’t use a lot of words last night, mostly actions.

When Tsuki brings it up, Hinata reassures him that this is definitely not a one time thing and he’s been pining for him for a while and of course he likes him, snarky ass and all. Hinata rubs the back of his neck suddenly feeling self conscious. Tsuki moves next to him and kisses him, again and again saying he can’t believe he fell for someone like him, forcing himself into his life to improve it. Hinata is the best thing that had happened to him.