#atla crack fic

[wileycap]

Selected Excerpts From The Fire Nation Royal Palace Servants' (Unofficial) Handbook

Or: Revisions To Normal Protocol After The Ascension Of Agni's Exalted Flame, The Dragon Of The Sun, et cetera, Fire Lord Zuko

1. Agni's Exalted Flame, The Dragon Of The Sun, et cetera, Fire Lord Zuko should not be referred to by his full titles and styles, no matter the context. This appears to annoy him. "Fire Lord Zuko" and "Lord Zuko" are acceptable, as well as "your majesty" and "my Lord".

1.1 "Lord Hotman", however, is unacceptable.

1.2. Even if the Avatar specifically requests you to address Fire Lord Zuko as that.

1.3. In fact, any attempts by the Avatar, the Lady Beifong, the honorable Tribesman Sokka or even Master Katara to get you to address Fire Lord Zuko by anything other than his proper title should be disregarded.

1.4. Referring to Ozai of the Fire Nation (titles rmvd, dishon.) as "The Loser Lord", however, is acceptable.

2. Fire Lord Zuko is aware of the concept of mortality, but does not seem to understand how it relates to His Majesty. Following activities should be discouraged: Free climbing, glider usage, contact with exotic animals larger than a turtleduck (or smaller, if the animal is known to be venomous), amateur theatre productions, cooking, sailing, spelunking, botany, please see full list in the Matron's office.

2.1. It should be noted that His Majesty's belief that mortality does not apply to him does not appear to be completely unfounded. After several "close calls", it has been decided that upon his demise, Fire Lord Zuko should lie in state for at least two weeks.

2.1.1. We do not want another incident.

3. The turtleducks in the Western Pond do not need to be fed by the servants any more.

3.1. However, the turtleducks should be rotated out at regular intervals in order to prevent overfeeding.

4. At any official social functions, at least three servants should be vigilant in case His Majesty tries to tell a joke.

4.1. It should be noted that there is no concern for His Majesty's jokes being offensive, crass or otherwise contrary to good taste. They are simply very bad. His Majesty always ends up embarrassed.

5. Any children left unattended in the Royal Palace for more than 15 degrees can be retrieved from the Fire Lord's office.

6. Should His Majesty go missing, the following places should be searched: roofs and any high places, cellars and secret passages, the fur of the Avatar's sky bison (which is surprisingly deep), and every place that an ordinary five-year-old would think to hide in during a game of "Hide and Explode."

6.1. All of the Imperial Firebenders as well as any soldier who wears a mask during the course of their duties should be questioned.

6.1.1. Important note: Some of the soldiers who are especially close to His Majesty can perform a passable imitation of him. Efforts should be made to prevent an uneducated soldier from, say, conducting a meeting with the Minister of Agriculture.

6.2. After the recent incident, that list is expanded to include the Kyoshi Warriors and any other groups that might wear concealing full face paint.

6.3. If all of these measures prove ineffective, a letter should be sent to The Dragon of the West, Prince Iroh, asking His Highness to return His Majesty.

6.4. If a ransom note is delivered, it should be immediately checked against the handwriting samples from the honorable Tribesman Sokka as well as Avatar Aang, before any other actions are taken.

6.4.1. Replying "Good luck, he's your problem now" to a ransom note is absolutely unacceptable.

6.4.1.1. To further drive home the point, the Royal Archives are required by law to preserve every single piece of royal correspondence. That thing will end up in a museum.

This handbook will be updated should it prove necessary.

[calliopeslyre]

ATLA: Moden AU

Iroh seems like he would learn German. Specifically German and solely for shits and giggles.

Also, Zuko is a theatre kid. 100%.

•─────⋅☾ ☽⋅─────•

So one day, while they’re doing the dishes that are stacking in the back of Iroh’s tea shop, Iroh mentions something about a German Musical: “It’s called Elisabeth, have you heard of it? It’s very famous there”

“Uh huh”, Zuko nods absentmindedly. He’s not listening, not really. And he has, in fact, not discovered the world of German musicals yet.

He didn’t even know that it existed in the first place.

“You know, Prince Rudolf reminds me of you”, Iroh continues and grabs another dirty plate.

“That’s nice.” Zuko is still not listening. Definitely not.

Iroh sighs, but he knows better than to press his nephew.

But when, a few hours later, behind the closed door of his nephew’s room, he hears Zuko belting along to “Die Schatten werden länger”, a small smile forms on Iroh’s face, then that’s his and only his to know.

[blorboazula]

ATLA x MCU crossover so I force Azula into The Marvels' trio and give her a traumatizing but wholesome adventure

[sharlmbracta]

CONTENT WARNING: everyone is ruined. Stereotypes everywhere. this shit is so bad it turns a whopping 360 it turns good

cherry-picking chapters are encouraged yes

arranged for myself the funniest excerpts from the funniest chapters i deemed so

if someone else somehow clicks to my horrible tastes as well. then uh. hell yeah.

Chapter 1:

“Zuko? What are you doing?” he asked upon seeing the prince loading up a dinky little ship that looked totally out of place beside the naval fleet.

“I’m going to capture the avatar and restore my Xbox privileges,” Zuko decreed. Shortly thereafter, the plank lifted, and Ozai could only stare in disbelief as the ship pulled away from the dock.

“Goodbye, Father!” Zuko shouted, waving at him from the deck of the ship as he grew smaller and smaller — further away with every passing second.

Chapter 38:

“THEIR,” Ozai screamed.

“WHERE?”

“AZULA’S PRONOUNS…” Ozai passed out on the bathroom floor.

“My God, his whole personality was in that beard,” Steve realized. “His whole ideology. The core of who he is…” He panicked, and it dawned on him what he had to do. “I’ve got to keep him drugged until it grows back.”

Chapter 45:

The door burst open, and Jet walked in, his mouth wheat rippling menacingly in the breeze. Zuko wondered about that mouth wheat whenever they encountered each other. Did he put the same wheat in his mouth every day? Wouldn’t it get soggy after a while? If not, then where was he finding wheat in Ba Sing Se? Was he at least washing it before he put it in his mouth?

“I’m telling you, these people are firebenders!” he cried for the sixteenth time since Zuko and Iroh had started working in the tea shop. The wheat bobbed in his mouth. Zuko had never seen Jet without his wheat. Why did he always have it? Was it like a pacifier? Did he just like the taste? Did he take it out to eat? Did he eat in the first place? Was Jet even human?

Chapter 49: Short Feng

The pair of Dai Li agents thrust Long Feng forward, and he fell on his face at Azula’s feet. She reached down and placed a hand on his forehead like she was about to Amon away his bending (seriously, did they just never explain how Amon could do that?)

Instead, a transformation took place. A blinding light shooting out from his body, Long Feng shrank and compressed like he’d been put in a trash compactor where he belonged. When the light faded, he was no longer Long Feng.

Chapter 51:

Suddenly, Ozai heelied into the war room, wearing shutter shades, a mesh crop top that said “my eyes are up here (only Steve is allowed to look at my abs),” and booty shorts that said “heelies to escape my feelies” on the ass.

“I’m so tired of formal wear,” he remarked, climbing onto the throne. Unused to his new heelies, he nearly tripped going up the stairs.

“Dad… why…” Azula groaned, covering her face with her hands. She couldn’t look. Maybe one day, she would be a powerful enough firebender to burst into flame on the spot just so she wouldn’t have to deal with this.

Chapter 3:

“Fire Lord Ozai is no more! From this day forward, I shall be known as… Fucking Fire Lord Ozai!” he announced, and the crowd went bonkers.

“Sweet, does that mean that I’m the Fucking Princess?” Azula piped up again.

“No, dumbass. I just told you that you get to be the regular fire lord,” he barked.

Chapter 4:

Without any warning, somebody kicked through the door like the beginning of the timeless masterpiece that is the first Shrek movie.

“Father, I have captured the avatar!” Zuko announced. “Where’s my Xbox?” He turned to the bald little kid lingering behind him. “Oh, yeah, Aang, meet my dad, and Dad, this is Aang. Where’s my Xbox?” he repeated obnoxiously.

“Nice to meet you, Mister Fire Lord,” Aang said pleasantly.

Chapter 14:

Ozai clambered to his feet, and held the noodle picture up against the wall, across from the pile of hay. “I think I’ll put it right here. How does that look?”

“I like it. I’ll come visit again, and I’ll bring real food next time. And I won’t make fun of you, either,” Aang promised. “See ya!”

“Thanks, kid.” Ozai cracked a weary smile for perhaps the first time since his imprisonment. Perhaps the noodle fanart would ward off the ghost.

Chapter 22:

“Okay, Silent But Deadly, do your thing,” Ozai commanded.

Silent But Deadly inhaled deeply, his third eye glowing. A sudden explosion tore the room into fragments, the deafening boom setting off car alarms and making dogs bark several dimensions over. Azulon’s guts sprayed everywhere. It was metal as fuck.

“What the hell?” Ozai screamed to make himself heard above the ringing in everyone’s ears. “That wasn’t silent!”

Chapter 24:

“I know you’re looking to find out what’s in the attic,” she said. “Your mother doesn’t want me to tell you this, but it’s her stash. It’s no normal pot, though. It’s a strain she cultivated herself called Waxy Meatball Frozen Zipper. She doesn’t want you two smoking any because it’s extremely rare and hard to grow, not to mention that you have to be a level 57 anarchist to use it to teleport like she does.”

“Use it to teleport?” Azula echoed. “That’s what all this was? So she wasn’t a hallucination all those other times?”

“She was real, all right.” June disappeared back into the rafters. “Ask her for some once you’ve thrown bricks at a few more banks. See you guys at dinner.”

Chapter 23 (cw politics(?)):

Iroh t-posed in the middle of the battlefield, levitating menacingly. Time slowed around him. He really hated to invoke his god-powers, but things were getting ridiculous. “Why can’t I just run my fuckin’ tea shop in peace?” he sighed quietly, then with a roar, he announced, “I DECLARE THE FIRE NATION TO BE A CAPITALIST-COMMUNIST ANARCHO-FASCIST STATE. AND I WILL BE LEADER.”

The fighting stopped. “Dude, all right, sounds good to me.” Zuko tossed aside the fifteen guns he’d brought out of his gun room.

Chapter 52:

Ozai was considering hopping inside to get a milkshake, but just then, the avatar rolled up in a slick black Mercedes. Aang flicked off his sunglasses, tore off his shirt, and slammed the car door shut. “Do you want to fucking go, old man?” he challenged him. “Do you want to fucking go inside and discuss this over a lovely meal instead of resorting to violence?”

Ozai wished that he, too, could slam his car door in a display of masculine fury, but the minivan door glided shut calmly. Ozai tore off his shirt, circling the avatar. “I will fuck you up!” he threatened. With all that fire burning, it was hot out, and he really wanted that milkshake. “Let’s settle this like men! Over a menu!”

Chapter 1:

“Wait! It was just a joke! I’ll give you your Xbox back! Please! Come home, son!” he yelled from the shore. “Please…”

A single tear slid down his cheek. If only he hadn’t been so cruel.

[empressgeekt]

TDP/ATLA Crossover - What if Tui rescued Runaan from the coin, and made him protect the Southern Water Tribe. Southern Water Tribe Runaan AU?

I've been stewing on this Fanfic prompt for a while.

It's pretty much the title. Right before Viren puts Runaan in the coin, Tui (moon spirit from ATLA), and then offers him a deal. She'd free Runaan from the assassins' binding on his arm, and send him back home, if Runaan would guard the southern water tribe until the avatar was revived.

So, when the choice was between, go on this mission and then return home, or go back to the exact moment he was pulled from and suffer at the hands of a dark mage, Runaan selects the former. Our stabby elf gets tossed into the frozen south, and ends up having to reluctantly protect a tribe of humans for the next 2 years.

After the tribe is told that Runaan was sent by Tui (their practical goddess), they all believe that he's a spirit, or at the least spirit-touched, warrior. Runaan never really corrects them, because he doesn't really care about what humans think of him, and with his horns and ears their is little he can do to prove their beliefs otherwise. Runaan trains their warriors in return for food and shelter. Including Sokka, because the young boy desperately needs more role models in his life, and his energy reminds the elf of Rayla (Runaan's practial daughter). He also bonds with Katara, allowing the young girl to braid his hair once he's sure she won't use it in dark spells, (and helps her learn water-bending, if Tui decided to give Runaan water-bending,. 50/50 chance on the Au).

Runaan also grows to be a close friend to Hakoda (Friend people, Friend, not anything more. Runaan might be gay but he is also married). So, much so that Runaan is left the defacto leader/protector (underneath Kanna of course) of the village once all the men leave for war. Our stabby Elf proceeds to teach every eager wife, and daughter to kick butt, because THEY ARE AT WAR, AND EVERY ABLE ADULT SHOULD AT LEAST BE ABLE TO DEFENC THEMSELVES. WOMAN OR MAN!

Once Aang wakes up, Runaan joins the kids on their journey as per the deal he made with Tui, "protect the village, then protect the champion and finally bring balance". He becomes the reluctant tired dad of the group, even thought he denies it all the way.

By the time that They reach the northpole, Runaan is not impressed by the northern tribes mannerisms. He does not agree with the level of sexism, and the cruel treatment of Katara, whom might as well be his niece at this point. So, he gets petty. Using the human assumption that he was spirit sent by Tui, he starts talking to and training Princess Yue in combat (Much to her father's and the elder's displeasure) and slowly convincing her to rebel against her father's control. He encourages katara, to go off on Master Paku, help's sokka show off infront of the other soldiers, and makes every single petty jab and remark he can against the elders.

In the end, Runaan stabs Zhao, before he can kill the Moon Spirit, and both he and Aang, end up fusing with Tui and La respectively to defeat the Fire Navy invading the north. Yue lives and runs away from her arranged marriage to Join the Gaang and be with Sokka.

That's as much of a solid plot as I have.

the AU ends with Runaan fading into moonlight and returning to Xadia.

So, is this a good idea?

[atuats-sidechick]

Chapters: 1/1 Fandom: Avatar: The Last Airbender (Cartoon 2005), Avatar: Legend of Korra Rating: Mature Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings Characters: Hei-Ran (Avatar), Original Male Character(s) Additional Tags: Harassment, Implied/Referenced Sexual Harassment, Sexual Harassment, Public Masturbation, Substance Abuse, Avatar: The Last Airbender – The Rise of Kyoshi, Avatar: The Last Airbender – The Shadow of Kyoshi, Smut, Angst, Crack, Crack and Angst, Fire Nation (Avatar), Agni Kai (Avatar), Firebending & Firebenders Series: Part 1 of Fire Lilies Summary:

Rear Admiral Rikiya receives a letter from the Avatar's Firebending Master, Hei-Ran Sei'naka. He's immediately reminded of their last interaction.

This was written with the "Fire Lilies" prompt (Kyoshi Era Week 2024) in mind, but I think it doesn't comply with the event rules. I'll post another, more tame piece, during the event.

This is an installment to a one shot series. Each installment will center an OC and propose they're the one who sent Hei-Ran the lilies in The Rise of Kyoshi.

Please mind the tags! Hope you enjoy <3

[gemgirl28]

Reposting from twitter. I tried to make a cover for a not crack fic but then I realized this is the fic (and it’s comments) that I consistently come back to when I need a laugh. Also don’t ask me how long this took given how weird the text placement still is.

Read the fic here.

[blackbird0blog]

Avatar Fanfic Rec

In which the rumour mill is thriving, Zuko is ready to give up, and Toph won’t stop laughing.

Also, the citizens of Caldera City might be a bit concerned about how quickly their Fire Lord is apparently going through partners.

A snippet from my favourite chapter, chapter 4:

It's funny, Zuko thinks, how a single letter can ruin your whole day.

In this case, the letter is a piece of unassuming yellow paper, with the words To Fire Lord Zuko written on it in a neat, formal script. It looks like something a noble would write, except it's not tied with silk ribbon or sealed with wax—it's tied with simple brown twine. And the hawk definitely isn't Fire Nation; it's a mottled brown-and-black, with darker eyes than the hawks Zuko's used to.

He opens the letter and immediately chokes.

Dude. 

Did you fuck a dragon? 

xoxo your favourite bounty hunter 

p.s when you send a reply, send it to the blue moon inn in Garsai. It's where I'll be staying for the next few weeks. 

What. The fuck.

How—?

He glances down at the baby dragon snoozing in his lap. Out of all the unexpected things that have happened to him, and there have been a lot, Druk might be the most unexpected. Zuko kind of wishes he could go back and tell thirteen-year-old Zuko that, in twelve years' time, he'd be Fire Lord with a baby dragon at his side, because apparently the baby dragon had imprinted on him when he grabbed its egg by mistake.

That...is what happened, right? Like, Druk's just imprinted? He's not Zuko's biological kid?

Oh, spirits, now Zuko's starting to doubt himself. He didn't sleep with Ran and Shaw, did he? That whole day is kind of a blur. Do dragons have the power to hypnotise people? Do they have the power to erase certain memories?

"Hey." Aang nudges him in the side, startling him out of his unwanted reverie. "Are you okay? Was the letter bad?"

Oh, right. He's at a dinner. With his friends. 'Friends' includes Aang, who was at the temple with him and knows what happened.

"Aang," he says, mentally steeling himself for the onslaught of teasing, "you know that day, when we went to visit the dragons? I didn't, um. I didn't fuck them, did I?"

All conversation dies, immediately.

Aang stares at him, his eyes so wide Zuko can see a full ring of white around the grey pupil. "What."

Zuko closes his eyes. "Please tell me I didn't sleep with one of the dragons. Or both of them. I don't know how dragons work."

"I—why would you—?!"

"So I didn't do it, right?"

"No!"

"Oh, thank Agni." He lets his head fall forward into his hands.

"Dude," Sokka says, "you've got issues."

"Zuko fucked a dragon?" Toph asks, sounding entirely too gleeful about it, that little shit. "Is that why he has Druk?"

"I didn't fuck a dragon," Zuko snaps. "I think we've just established that."

"You shouldn't have to establish that!" Katara looks more than a little disturbed. "Why would you even think you did it in the first place?"

Zuko waves June's letter. "It's from June. She asked me if I fucked a dragon."

Toph snatches it out of his hands. "What's it say?" Sokka asks, leaning over the table.

"How many times do I have to say it, Snoozles? I'm blind."

"Oh, right." Sokka takes the scroll from her and clears his throat.

"The letter says, 'Dude, did you fuck a dragon'," he declares. "And...that's it." He looks at Zuko. "That's it? That's all it took for you to start wondering if you fucked a dragon?"

"I don't know!" Zuko defends. "Maybe I did fuck a dragon and I just don't remember it!"

"How do you not remember fucking a dragon?"

"Dragons have been almost extinct for a hundred years, Sokka. For all we know, dragons have the ability to erase memories."

"I think we're all ignoring the big question here," Suki pipes up. "Which is: why does June think you fucked a dragon?"

Zuko points at her, inadvertently jostling Druk. "Yes! Thank you! That's what I—"

He doesn't get to finish his sentence, because Druk does not like being woken up before sunrise. He makes this very, very clear, by climbing Zuko like a goddamn tree and tearing his outer robe to shreds.

"Hot," Suki says, as the tattered remains drift to the floor. "You should show off more, Zuko. You've got a sexy bod."

"Fuck you all," Zuko announces. Druk curls up on top of his head.

Toph grins and leans back in her chair. "Nah. That job's reserved for the dragons."

[inkperch]

Yknow, an au where Aang thawed out a decade or three earlier would probably have Ozai as the Zuko, and that fact alone makes me wanna write it-

[firebenders-are-cool]

Years ago I came up with an ATLA fic idea for the earth avatar after korra and it was kinda good but I stopped caring about it. as I developed the plot and transformed my initial (flawed) idea, I got less interested in it because it was no longer the same idea. I basically wanted to write Trope A, didn't like that it was such a bad rendition of Trope A, fixed it, and got bored cause it wasn't Trope A anymore. I absolutely don't have the time (or desire) to go write it now (especially with avatar studios coming in hot with a new avatar), but damn I hope an alternate universe-me wrote it.

[help-i-need-a-cool-username]

Me, back in the day: *watching Cave of Two Lovers* ugggg first off this secret tunnel song is awful and second all the Aang/Katara "haha... what if we kissed?" scenes are so cringy just please find the exit already

Me, now: actually the duration of this episode is essentially a top tier crack fic and now i cant stop swapping my otps with Aang/Katara. If i ever learn how to write i absolutely will figure out some way to put every ship ive ever had into this exact situation

[wileycap]

Crackfic Idea:

30-year-old Zuko gets randomly flung back in time to his 16-year-old self. For a couple of hours at a time. At the most random times imaginable. Imagine the potential.

Zuko assumes that it's a dream or a vision, but definitely not real. He tries not to freak everybody out too badly, but he's also fully enjoying himself and seeing all of his friends as their young selves.

ZUKO, as he and Aang circle each other at the South Pole: I've spent years preparing for this encounter. Training, meditating. You're just a [Spirit Shwoop Sound] ... baby Aang!

AANG, confused: Well, more like preteen Aang. How do you know my name?

ZUKO, looking around: Wait, where are we?

AANG: Um... this is the-

SOKKA: Don't answer him! He's trying to get information out of you. You can't give away our location!

KATARA: Sokka, he's standing in the middle of our village. I think he knows.

ZUKO: We're here? This is so weird. I was just here for the Annual Penguin Race.

AANG: THERE'S AN ANNUAL PENGUIN RACE?!

ZUKO: Well, yeah, it was your idea... you gave a whole speech about cross-cultural cooperation and friendship, but I know you just wanted to go penguin sledding with a bunch of people...

AANG: Well, I-

SOKKA: Stop giving him more information! He already knows about the penguins!

Everybody else is confused, bewildered and even befuddled except for Iroh, who assumes that it's Spirit Shenanigans™️ and just fully accepts that his nephew likes tea and hugs and Pai Sho sometimes while being his usual shouty surly traumaball self at others.

ZUKO, stepping into the cabin: Hi, Uncle. I brought you some ginseng. How about a game of Pai Sho?

IROH, tearing up a little: I would love that, my nephew.

ZUKO: I wish we could do this more often, but you live so far away...

IROH, mentally calculating that he lives exactly three doors away from Zuko, and nodding sagely: The rat-viper may never climb the mountain that a hog-monkey can, but the monkey does not know what lies underneath it.

ZUKO, sighing sadly: I know, Uncle. I do appreciate my position in life, even if it has disadvantages.

IROH: Hmm. Your move, nephew.

The crew of Zuko's ship is terrified by the fact that whenever it happens, Zuko is somehow even more hyper-competent, seems to be weirdly calm about everything, and most unnervingly of all, he's polite.

SOLDIER: Here is a report on the best teahouses within three days travel of our current location, Sir. And, uh, Commander Zhao sent a messenger hawk.

ZUKO: Excellent. Thank you very much, Sergeant. I think we can ignore whatever Zhao has to say. In reply, I want you to send him a list of the most famous officers in Fire Nation history, and point out that none of them had sideburns. I want to see if he shaves them.

SOLDIER, sweating nervously: O-of course, Sir.

As a matter of fact, the whole fic could just be Zuko trolling Zhao. It would be glorious.

[blorboazula]

lo and behold i'm writing the crack fic where zuko realizes he can call azula "zuzu", tells kiyi and they only survive because decided that she doesn't want to go to prison

[blueteller]

My first TCF crossover!! Just a short crack one-shot, but still, I had fun. I hope you like it!

I also posted the story on my fanfiction account. Please feel free to check it out!

[noexoozes]

There are zero fics on AO3 for Jet/On Ji. I'm not surprised by this, since On Ji only gets shipped with Aang and Jet never sets foot in the Fire Nation, so the two of them getting a fic is highly unlikely.

But I'm gonna fix that.

[mycomicbox]

ATLA AU where everything's the same except Appa is replaced by the Magic School Bus