#heelies

[loomhatri]

[nostalgiahime]

Toys & Gadgets from American Girl Magazine (2000) [✩]

[rat-at-heart]

Single-handedly brought Heelies back

[sharlmbracta]

CONTENT WARNING: everyone is ruined. Stereotypes everywhere. this shit is so bad it turns a whopping 360 it turns good

cherry-picking chapters are encouraged yes

arranged for myself the funniest excerpts from the funniest chapters i deemed so

if someone else somehow clicks to my horrible tastes as well. then uh. hell yeah.

Chapter 1:

“Zuko? What are you doing?” he asked upon seeing the prince loading up a dinky little ship that looked totally out of place beside the naval fleet.

“I’m going to capture the avatar and restore my Xbox privileges,” Zuko decreed. Shortly thereafter, the plank lifted, and Ozai could only stare in disbelief as the ship pulled away from the dock.

“Goodbye, Father!” Zuko shouted, waving at him from the deck of the ship as he grew smaller and smaller — further away with every passing second.

Chapter 38:

“THEIR,” Ozai screamed.

“WHERE?”

“AZULA’S PRONOUNS…” Ozai passed out on the bathroom floor.

“My God, his whole personality was in that beard,” Steve realized. “His whole ideology. The core of who he is…” He panicked, and it dawned on him what he had to do. “I’ve got to keep him drugged until it grows back.”

Chapter 45:

The door burst open, and Jet walked in, his mouth wheat rippling menacingly in the breeze. Zuko wondered about that mouth wheat whenever they encountered each other. Did he put the same wheat in his mouth every day? Wouldn’t it get soggy after a while? If not, then where was he finding wheat in Ba Sing Se? Was he at least washing it before he put it in his mouth?

“I’m telling you, these people are firebenders!” he cried for the sixteenth time since Zuko and Iroh had started working in the tea shop. The wheat bobbed in his mouth. Zuko had never seen Jet without his wheat. Why did he always have it? Was it like a pacifier? Did he just like the taste? Did he take it out to eat? Did he eat in the first place? Was Jet even human?

Chapter 49: Short Feng

The pair of Dai Li agents thrust Long Feng forward, and he fell on his face at Azula’s feet. She reached down and placed a hand on his forehead like she was about to Amon away his bending (seriously, did they just never explain how Amon could do that?)

Instead, a transformation took place. A blinding light shooting out from his body, Long Feng shrank and compressed like he’d been put in a trash compactor where he belonged. When the light faded, he was no longer Long Feng.

Chapter 51:

Suddenly, Ozai heelied into the war room, wearing shutter shades, a mesh crop top that said “my eyes are up here (only Steve is allowed to look at my abs),” and booty shorts that said “heelies to escape my feelies” on the ass.

“I’m so tired of formal wear,” he remarked, climbing onto the throne. Unused to his new heelies, he nearly tripped going up the stairs.

“Dad… why…” Azula groaned, covering her face with her hands. She couldn’t look. Maybe one day, she would be a powerful enough firebender to burst into flame on the spot just so she wouldn’t have to deal with this.

Chapter 3:

“Fire Lord Ozai is no more! From this day forward, I shall be known as… Fucking Fire Lord Ozai!” he announced, and the crowd went bonkers.

“Sweet, does that mean that I’m the Fucking Princess?” Azula piped up again.

“No, dumbass. I just told you that you get to be the regular fire lord,” he barked.

Chapter 4:

Without any warning, somebody kicked through the door like the beginning of the timeless masterpiece that is the first Shrek movie.

“Father, I have captured the avatar!” Zuko announced. “Where’s my Xbox?” He turned to the bald little kid lingering behind him. “Oh, yeah, Aang, meet my dad, and Dad, this is Aang. Where’s my Xbox?” he repeated obnoxiously.

“Nice to meet you, Mister Fire Lord,” Aang said pleasantly.

Chapter 14:

Ozai clambered to his feet, and held the noodle picture up against the wall, across from the pile of hay. “I think I’ll put it right here. How does that look?”

“I like it. I’ll come visit again, and I’ll bring real food next time. And I won’t make fun of you, either,” Aang promised. “See ya!”

“Thanks, kid.” Ozai cracked a weary smile for perhaps the first time since his imprisonment. Perhaps the noodle fanart would ward off the ghost.

Chapter 22:

“Okay, Silent But Deadly, do your thing,” Ozai commanded.

Silent But Deadly inhaled deeply, his third eye glowing. A sudden explosion tore the room into fragments, the deafening boom setting off car alarms and making dogs bark several dimensions over. Azulon’s guts sprayed everywhere. It was metal as fuck.

“What the hell?” Ozai screamed to make himself heard above the ringing in everyone’s ears. “That wasn’t silent!”

Chapter 24:

“I know you’re looking to find out what’s in the attic,” she said. “Your mother doesn’t want me to tell you this, but it’s her stash. It’s no normal pot, though. It’s a strain she cultivated herself called Waxy Meatball Frozen Zipper. She doesn’t want you two smoking any because it’s extremely rare and hard to grow, not to mention that you have to be a level 57 anarchist to use it to teleport like she does.”

“Use it to teleport?” Azula echoed. “That’s what all this was? So she wasn’t a hallucination all those other times?”

“She was real, all right.” June disappeared back into the rafters. “Ask her for some once you’ve thrown bricks at a few more banks. See you guys at dinner.”

Chapter 23 (cw politics(?)):

Iroh t-posed in the middle of the battlefield, levitating menacingly. Time slowed around him. He really hated to invoke his god-powers, but things were getting ridiculous. “Why can’t I just run my fuckin’ tea shop in peace?” he sighed quietly, then with a roar, he announced, “I DECLARE THE FIRE NATION TO BE A CAPITALIST-COMMUNIST ANARCHO-FASCIST STATE. AND I WILL BE LEADER.”

The fighting stopped. “Dude, all right, sounds good to me.” Zuko tossed aside the fifteen guns he’d brought out of his gun room.

Chapter 52:

Ozai was considering hopping inside to get a milkshake, but just then, the avatar rolled up in a slick black Mercedes. Aang flicked off his sunglasses, tore off his shirt, and slammed the car door shut. “Do you want to fucking go, old man?” he challenged him. “Do you want to fucking go inside and discuss this over a lovely meal instead of resorting to violence?”

Ozai wished that he, too, could slam his car door in a display of masculine fury, but the minivan door glided shut calmly. Ozai tore off his shirt, circling the avatar. “I will fuck you up!” he threatened. With all that fire burning, it was hot out, and he really wanted that milkshake. “Let’s settle this like men! Over a menu!”

Chapter 1:

“Wait! It was just a joke! I’ll give you your Xbox back! Please! Come home, son!” he yelled from the shore. “Please…”

A single tear slid down his cheek. If only he hadn’t been so cruel.

[maverickflare]

team heelies !!!

(art from my friend park, @/teeparkss on twitter; he has a thread of october daily splatoon drawings here ! )

[j3llyf1shdust]

an OC i made cus idk why not. getting better at digital art, somehow

[camilla-wolfsbane]

Elias would totally wear heelies if his husband would let him

[singswan-springswan]

a very heartfelt and sincere thank you to @agentamethystelf for manifesting the heelies

[ineffablelunatic]

Crowley owns a pair of Heelies and you can't convince me otherwise.

[mrtalentrubyourtentaclesonmyart]

Little doodle after learning roller skates were a Regency era invention

[aldamiriel-necrococo]

What if I sharpied my heelies like this

[charlesiumchumbo]

I work in a high school so I interact with teenagers on a regular basis and wanted to let it be known that kids still wear heelies. In 2023. But anyway, yesterday some kid went zooming by me and his buddy started to roast him saying, "oh you got heelies? well I got STEELIES" and pointed to his steel toed boots. Then, "Heelies vs Steelies? Who would win??"

[beepbeepdespair]

playing friday the 13th killer puzzle and i find it funny that there's no explanation as to why jason can only slide around. is he on heelies and doesnt know how to stop without bashing into things

[plutotides]

Another repost,,, uhhhh

ICHIGO!GO!

[sophisticatedpjs]

took these in the worst photo quality known to man like a few months ago but I was living in those heelies tbh

[deernotdear]

Regulus Black wears heelies thank you very much. Like I could just imagine Regulus one day pulling up to the great halls skating through the halls and James just being in absolute shock, and chasing Regulus to ask him what he was wearing. So Reggie explains what heelies are to James and he immediately goes to buy a pair and learns how to use them. So one day Regulus is in the library and James just rolls up to him and says “Hey, wanna race?” And they face through the halls of hogwarts and Regulus wins so James then says he let him win. That is all thank you.