#autism & rsd

[idontknowreallywhy]

Practical Suggestions for supporting people with RSD in the workplace

Am reposting my response to this excellent post because of course tumblr never shows reblogs in the tags view… and I’d really like as many thoughts as possible!

RSD and the Workplace

Been searching for things to help explain this to my new boss without it sounding like “I am a sensitive little flower please don’t ever criticise me.”

It’s tricky… the last thing I want is for people to withhold professional feedback because that just feeds into the fear that “I’m getting it all wrong but they are too polite to tell me.”

But at the same time I need to explain why sometimes I may overreact… why a minor issue might be the end of the world for a while and why I will fixate heavily on correcting a mistake (or, more frequently obsess an unhealthy amount over perfecting something just in case there is a mistake that I have missed because that would trigger aforementioned end of world).

Anyone else have any experience in this area? I can’t find many resources from an occupational health perspective and I have a meeting with HR soon to discuss putting something in place. The last slide talks about understand and acknowledging but how does the supportive environment look?

My ideas so far

- it’s not that we don’t want feedback! It just needs to be done in a way that doesn’t prompt the SHOCK chemical reaction in my nervous system. Perceived negativity arriving out of the blue is like being jumped out on from the shadows by a knife-wielding maniac in a clown mask. Receiving feedback in a predictable and expected way is more like approaching an angry dog (having put on protective clothing and made a plan for how to deal with each of the two or three things it might do)

- If you want to discuss something with me please explain exactly what it’s about in the request. “Can we chat later?” will result in every moment of the time between the request and the actual chat being consumed by me overanalysing my every action of the last 12 months and not actually doing any work in the interim. If I know what it’s about I won’t be as highly reactive when the revelation comes (and I will be more able to focus on what you are actually saying as my brain won’t still be lingering on ALL the other non-issues I have tormented myself about in the intervening time).

- Maybe a regular catch up time for informal feedback would work? Don’t wait for issues to get bad before raising them?

- Please be aware that my initial defensive response isn’t a rejection of the feedback, or stubbornness. I might splurge a list of reasons you are wrong or I might shut down and need to take a while to process it. Either way I will eventually come around and take the constructive bit on board.

- One of the silliest things about RSD is that even neutral feedback can feel highly negative at times. (Sort of like how we all accept dropping from “Kind regards” to “regards” is the ultimate professional burn, even though the it’s not written “with deep antipathy” it reads it!!) This is particularly the case with emails actually. I’m not saying fill your emails with smiley faces but if requesting a change of task / focus / adjustment to something or just giving the next instruction, it’s worth knowing that slipping in the slightest acknowledgement of previous work being satisfactory, even a complement or a brief “thank you for doing the previous thing, I’ll look at it later” changes the entire tone and tells the primitive brain that “this is a positive interaction, dial down the fight or flight”

- Finally - FOMO is a thing. But the fear is that you are not included because THERE IS SOMETHING WRONG WITH YOU / YOU ARE NOT TRUSTED OR VALUED rather than concern at missing out on a pleasurable thing. An easy way to deal is to check with your staff whether they want copying in on things or not - some may find constant emails about things they don’t need to engage with overwhelming. Others may see other team members being included and worry about why they are not and what should they know and what if they miss something that causes them to make a Mistake later?) This was a big deal for me as old boss was very kindly trying to avoid overloading me but I spent months assuming she valued everyone else’s opinion over mine.

Obviously I need to condense these a little to make them HR friendly. But.. what else? Can tumblr RSDers (or anyone who works with them) chip in any more practical suggestions?

[deiim]

casual rsd experience is a friend saying they don’t want to hang out after 4 straight days of hanging out and that means they hate you so you cry so much you puke and pass out like what the fuck. what is that reaction. who does it benefit. what the fuck is wrong with me

[theteleportingtransfem]

Reblog if you’re a transfem who is shy and you fear abandonment, even when you know that your friends are amazing and would never leave you.

Or if you like pizza.

[my-autism-adhd-blog]

Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria in ADHD and Autistic People

The Autistic Teacher

[beautyinthediss0nance]

[magentasnail]

new creature just dropped: RSD CREATURE I wasn't planning on making more creature art but I am also insane and feral so I had no choice

also transparent version if you'd like:

[twelfth-dykector]

AuDHD decided to be really funny when it made me really annoying (adhd), absolutely terrified of being perceived as annoying (rsd) and having no idea what people find annoying (autism)

[forever-positive]

the autistic urge to end every interaction with one of these bad boys

[desultory-suggestions]

Sending love to those with RSD who struggle with criticism at work/in school. It took me a long time to understand why it felt like a gut punch when my boss told me to tweak a design I made or a professor left critiques (even on an A+ paper.) I automatically felt I had failed if there was something to critique. If I didn't fail everything would be perfect, right? Well no! Everything can be changed or improved. It takes practice to start seeing these critiques as rewards that help make you stronger, but once you do a whole new world of confidence opens up.

[neurotypicalabusesurvivor]

In our society it only counts as emotional abuse if it fits within neuronormativity.

Telling a autistic person who is in a middle of a melt down to be claim is emotional abuse.

Telling people who have anger issues because of trauma to be claim is emotional abuse.

Expecting people with RSD to not have strong emotions over rejection is emotional abuse.

Saying people with BPD are abusive because of extreme emotions is emotional abuse.

You motherfuckers will say all emotions are valid up in tell the point it does not fit within neuronormativity. In which case the person is a "evil abuser" because you feel like there should be zero consequences for Neuronormative privilege. Yet when you trigger these feelings in neurodivergent people with neuronormative privilege are "innocent victim".

You ableist are codependent on neurodivergent acting, feeling and thinking like Neurotypicals and unlike actual codependents people who are acting that way because of mental illness you don't have an excuse.

[deiim]

rejection sensitivity is so fucking lame. like boo hoo look at me i felt mildly ignored for 30 seconds and already started planning my own funeral liKE BITCH CHILL it was never that serious

[maxgicalgirl]

No but for real have we found a solution for rejection sensitive dysphoria yet ? Like does anyone else who has this have coping mechanisms that work ? I am genuinely asking please help

[wowa-bublord]

Do either Zack or Cloud have their traumas manifest in a fear of physical touch? Or a fear of anything that the other may trigger by accident? Sorry My Whump Is Kicking In Today

NO NEED 2 APOLOGIZE FOR ANY ASKS i am eating them all the time

Zack and cloud I think are both very touchy and clingy, it's definitely one of Zacks main love languages. He bites he wrestles he messes up everyones hair. if you have talked 2 him for 4 seconds he will give you a hug and explode all of your bones

But their fears definitely do pop up from time to time. Cloud has days where he doesn't want contact from anyone, I imagine him as already pretty touch averse (he has autism 2 me) so when things get tough and he can't deal with it that day, I imagine him as pretty good at shutting it down. Cloud in general I imagine as really good at setting boundaries, and doesn't usually think about how the way he expresses his dislike for things might bother the other person. It doesn't even cross his mind. Like in this comic!!

zack is. not as good on that front.

the strugglers

[my-autism-adhd-blog]

Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria (RSD) in ADHD and Autistic People

The Autistic Teacher

[autism-affirmations]

i love criticism. i do not cry uncontrollably /s

[autisticallyadhd]

Being neurodivergent and messaging (my perspective. Please feel free to add your own in comments/reblogs)

1. Anxiety (GAD)

2. Studying what people like so I have a conversation starter

3. Not being able to start/continue conversations (hi how are you? Good, you? Good…)

4. Always starting the conversations.

5. Feeling like no one actually wants to talk to me or cares.

6. Talking about myself most of the time because there’s only so much small talk that can be done.

7. OR never talking about myself in case I’m boring/annoying and only asking the other person stuff.

8. Being ghosted (HURTS a lot, cause of RSD)

9. Or accidentally ghosting others and realising too much time has passed so now it would be embarrassing.

10. Trying hard to keep in touch and realising that the other person is uninterested.

11. Missing social cues EVEN when people aren’t there/face to face/irl.

12. Feeling like a failure

13. Realising that if you don’t message people, literally no one would message you at all.