#autistic experience

[talesofanautisticwoman]

Whats the deal with neurotypicals comparing autistic teens/adults to some of their relatives 5 yr old autistic kid? Almost every time i tell someone i'm autistic, i always get compared to an autistic kid and tell me "how i'm not like them". - I personally feel like they are indirectly calling me "childish" in one way or another. However i don't expect them to know much about autism and autistic people in general.

[bloggingboutburgers]

Allo anon again, I just wanted to come in here one more time to say that I didn't mean to make you cry, but I am happy that I have brought you and other people joy! I will take any chance I get to gush about my gf because she is a wonderful woman and deserves the world. :3

I don't know much about France, but I do know that in North America there is starting to be more asexual awareness in the medical field and outside of it. Many people still find it weird, but at least within LGBTQ+ spaces, I've seen it become more welcomed. I hope that within my lifetime, it can be far more accepted.

I may not fully understand the asexual experience, but as an autistic person, I know what it's like to know that you are in some way invisibly different from your peers. To have wants and desires that make people look at you sideways. To have people say to your face that they think you are a fundamentally broken person, and that your life is not worth living. I know how frustrating it can feel to be boxed in because of others' assumptions. But just because you do not fit into what is "normal" does not make your path any less worth taking.

The beauty of humanity comes from the diversity of its experiences. There are so many ways to make connections with other people, animals, and nature. No matter what others might tell you, I believe that the universe is not fundamentally cruel, but kind. The world DOES have a place for all of us in it, it just takes more time for some people to find their niche.

I also wanted to reaffirm to everyone out there that regardless of if you want sex, romance, or neither, and regardless of if you want a long term partner or not, you are valid. I'm friends with a couple other aces and aros, and they are amazing creatives, scientists, and friends. No matter what you want out of life, you, the person reading this, deserves people who will care for you and respect you in a way that honours your boundaries. You deserve acceptance and happiness. Even if things get difficult, I sincerely hope that you will find what you are looking for. And in the meantime, I am offering digital hugs, high-fives, and pastries of your choice :)

Have a good day or night, and even if it's only for 5 minutes, do something that makes you happy <3

I'm so sorry I'm replying to this so late, the past couple days have been a bit busy! But please don't worry about the tears, they were definitely happy ones, and this just almost brought up more of them 🫶

Thank you so so much for this, it's so uplifting to read and deserves to be shared widely. I hope you also have a wonderful day or night and I wish you and your gf all the happiness you can have!!

[witchy-fennec]

So, I don’t really fit the term semiverbal, but I definitely don’t fit as a fully verbal autistic either. Because of this, I’ve been thinking of what a good term would be for sorta verbal (aka can reliably talk a decent amount of the time, but also has plenty of verbal shutdowns, and a little trouble speaking in a way that’s usually not all that hindering when able to speak) autistic. I decided on demi-verbal and think this sums up my experiences pretty well. I’ve never seen demi-verbal anywhere and searching for it brought up nothing.

Demi-verbal:

Can reliably speak most of the day for most days of the week

Verbal shutdowns happen anywhere from a few times a week to a few times a month, possibly for no apparent reason

May experience some level of difficulty with mouth words, anywhere between slight difficulty only a little of the time to half the time

Please respect nonverbal/non-speaking and semiverbal/semi-speaking autistics and listen when they tell you not to use (and thus misuse) a word/words that was coined specifically for nonverbal/non-speaking and/or semiverbal/semi-speaking autistics. Those words/terms were coined for a reason.

[catkin-morgs-kookaburralover]

yall who got late diagnosed/adult diagnosed as autistic. howd you cope with the stress around the feedback session and howd it go like did you walk in and they said 'oh yeah you're autistic' alternatively if they denied you a diagnosis howd that go too

[saeskull]

dog metaphors have me in a chokehold

i was not born a violent dog, and i never have been a violent dog. at least not to another person. but i still sit in my crate and muzzle, waiting for someone to come along and not flinch when i come to sniff their hand.

[purpurrock]

I'm at Panera and they gave me a spoon. To eat with my mac n cheese. That's a fork food :((

[8irdies]

zappy brained (drawings about my autism and the overwhelmed emotions i am never fully able to describe with words)

[bippityboppityouch]

i am autistic

some days, i am able to manage everything that i need to

i can hang out with friends, i can get things done, i can cook something for my family, i can try new foods

i still struggle immensely with anything socially, but i'm able to get past it without dwelling on it for terribly long

those days are great - i'm able to feel 'normal' and i'm not being annoying to (most) anyone

but some days, it feels like a battle just to be alive with my brain

the slightest noise will be too loud

i'm not able to speak much, if at all

the idea of being around even one person makes me feel nauseous

i can't even talk digitally with my friends - texting or typing of any kind is just too much

all i can do is sit quietly and if i'm lucky do something that doesn't require much other than brain power

on these days there is so little i can do

depression hits me like a truck - i feel like an invalid and tell myself that i should be able to do all these things that are normal

i often have to physically restrain myself from hurting myself

autism isn't some 'quirky disability'

it's a struggle every day

we're a spectrum of experiences between each person, and between each day for everyone individually

i am autistic

some days i love being autistic

some days i'd give anything to trade it away

but it's me, and i'm it

[our-autistic-experience]

i am autistic

i get overstimulated annoyingly easily, especially when it comes to auditory things

from being overstimulated, i also often end up nonverbal and shut down for several hours (if i'm lucky) or days. this is just as frustrating for me as it is for everyone else, if not more so, trust me

i tend to stim a lot in public - and not the teeny fidget stims; i almost constantly am doing things like scratching/digging my nails into my arms, flipping my sleeves around, jerking my head slightly, waving my arms, kicking my legs, making random noises, etc

this makes it incredibly difficult for people to be around me, and believe me, i understand that

i am painfully aware of how hard i make things for other people, and how annoying it can be to be around me

before i knew that i was autistic, i masked so heavily because i had always been seen as the 'golden' child/student, and i absolutely could not change my reputation as i changed over years - i pushed myself to the breaking point so that i never appeared to be anything different than what everyone expected

since my diagnosis, i've tried so hard to stop/at least lower how much i mask, but that has come with it's own issues

i don't know who i am

at all

masking has stolen me from myself

believe me, i know how different i am, how many things i should be able to do

but i simply can't

i am autistic

and while there's certainly days that i'm proud of it and celebrate it, there's also tons of days when i just wish that i could make it go away

so that i could be 'normal'

so that i wouldn't be bugged my all these things that drive my brain insane but no one else has a problem with

and yet, even if there were a cure i wouldn't take it

i know that seems kind of contradictory

but even though it poses so many challenges and frustrations and so many moments when i just wish that i could take it away, it's what makes me, me

one of the only bits of me that i know

and so yeah, sometimes it makes me want to rip my hair out, but i'm never going to let this piece of me that i actually know be lost

[harmonyrosesaga]

I find it funny how this person. Attempts to pick a fight with me, but once they saw I was willing to stand my ground and not back down for anyone, they backed off!!

The epitome of coward!!

Pick a fight until I say something, then runs off!!

Also, those of you who think self-diagnosed is wrong, DON'T BOTHER MESSAGING ME!!

SELF-DIAGNOSIS IS VALID!!

[talesofanautisticwoman]

Autism in university

So i'm just halfway in 1st semester in university and it's quite though. I'm studing health and nutrition, which is quite interesting. So reflecting on a few things which have happen in over the first two months.

I have already blurted out i'm autistic and i felt like i scared people away. A handfull from my class already know. Looking back i wish i just kept my mouth shut.

Masking is really exhausting and when i come home i just lay in bed for hours. I barely have the energy to study.

The social font is whack! utter whack. I can't connect with my classmates at all. I have participated in a good handful of social events, because i do want to get to know them. It's hard because they have different interests than me. Very different interests. It's totally okay they have different interests than me. However it makes it hard for me to connect with them.

My diagnosis that up a lot of space in my mind. I have become more aware of my diagnosis when i'm with non-autistic people.

Don't get me wrong my classmates are nice people.. it's just me who doesn't know how to socialise.

[ashadeapart]

Something that really shits me is how so much of the struggle I have as an autistic person comes not from actual inaccessibility, but from the sheer bloody-mindedness of individuals who won't work with anyone who can't do things the "usual way". What I'm talking about specifically in this moment is fucking phone calls. There are a plethora of options for communication. Reasonable, accessible, available options that abled people can use with minimal difficulty. So I tell people I have to communicate with (I'm talking in the business/professional context where accessibility is actually pretty important for managing daily life stuff) that I am unable to make phone calls but will be happy to e-mail, text, video call, etc. No. They zero in on the one thing I cannot do, and it's that and nothing but that so help me God! You may not e-mail, you may not text, you may not video call or any other reasonable method of communication that one couldn't even call an "accommodation" as these things are in everyday use for... you know, all the abled people who only want to use them for anything other than not causing a disabled person unreasonable pain. It makes little to no difference to that person to do it another way, but I get to forget about being able to take care of myself for a week or a month if I do it their way. For NO REASON other than apparent sadism. What the fuck is wrong with people? I don't capitulate, but I also don't get anything done while they're busy carrying on about how I have to stop being disabled and do it how they do it instead of any of the other several reasonable and available ways to do it, even though I've been quite clear about the severe consequences to me if I try (and so help me I shouldn't have to explain or justify a fucking thing, "I can't do it" should be enough). I'm tired of having to fight so fucking hard to be allowed to be slightly okay. There is just no reason for this.

[hydeingpurples]

So tired of hearing

"he's scared of talking on the phone, it's the tism"

*in a patronising voice* "uh-uh I'm autistic I'm missing chromosomes"

"I'm definitely more autistic than artistic''

at work.

When I finally leave and say that I needed a job that's more suitable to my autistic needs (i.e less people, quieter, more structured) they're going to reply with "you should've said you were struggling". How can I when you all constantly say things like that all the time? 😶

[soullessjack]

anyways dont feel like making this a whole post but being a jackgirl is so cool and fun and you love this funky little guy until then you remember that you’re just randomly fucking isolated from the rest of the fandom for some stupid fucking reason that you don’t get and it hits especially hard when you’re autistic and already feel perpetually inherently isolated from everybody else and you just can’t stop thinking What Did I Do Wrong Why Am I Not Included Why Don’t You Like and it just. God. It does not fucking end ever. not even in the big found family fandom where everyone’s like family as long as you have the same most popular interest and opinions I guess.

[purpurrock]

Allistics piss me the fuck off I swear

Me: what do you want for christmas

(allistic) mom: oh nothing, the stuff I want are too expensive for you I don't want anything

Me: are you sure.

Mom: yes

Me: are you sureeee.

Mom: yes means yes

Literally almost 2 weeks after Christmas

Mom: why didn't you get me something.

Me: you said no.

Mom: well I told your sister no and she still got me something

Me: she got you that a few days after new years. And she always gets you stuff

Mom: well you should've insisted. I wanted something

Me: i did. I asked what you wanted you said nothing.

Mom: well now I want a Christmas gift.

Me: it's not even Christmas but. What do you want

Mom: anything

Me: be more specific

Mom: just anything I'll like

Me: I don't know what you like. I can't get anything based off of this

Mom: do you even love me

[just-an-enby-lemon]

Had my first non-speaking autistic episode that was not related to a meltdown or shutdown. It was nicer than the ones that were, except it was in class and also I got in panic because I was confused by not being in panic before.