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myescapediary · 2 years

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Another update:

I decide to update my tumblr whenever i’m really sad and cant process what im feeing or thinking so this might be type long so ill break it down. where do I even start?? Its been two months and four days since I came on here. Based off my last update um...

RU update:

there is five weeks left of the semester!! Crazy how fast time flew by, its been ok haven’t make friends tbh but hopefully next semester is different. I am nervous about finals and I still haven’t paid off my tuition.. I also have my internship placement interview that I am so nervous about. I hope i do good and i am just so excited and scared at the same time.

New job:

I got a job!! I work at a Physical Therapy clinic and its been good so far, way different from my last job. Although i only work two days bcs of school, i am so ready to be full time once the semester is over. I am tired of not having money and i need to pay off my credit cards smh.

Social Life: lmao might have to break this one down too...

lets start of with Franco: that was a nice time, distanced myself bcs he was giving bf vibes and wanting a relationship, not what i want.. DV: um with this one.. said i was going to exchange my gifts and then cut him off.. well, his gifts are still sitting in my room LMAO! Idk whats going on with that, i just been avoiding him, he gives me an ick now... J: still around, it’s been really weird, idk why. He stood at my house for two days then his “girl” came to my house and confronted him about him staying here since he lied and she thinks i’m not in his life anymore, welp he went home the following day. He says he wants nothing w her but i’m sure he does, he prob just doesn’t want to be the first one to get into a relationship. Now lets talk about the one thats been taking a toll on me for no fucking reason...

JZ, ok well from last update i seen him at esquina was awkward. Fast forward to 3/10, went to B’s bday party. Me and JZ spoke shit out like fr we kept it cool and it was nice getting the closure I needed, told him how i never wanted a relationship with him etc. I also mentioned how he blocked me from viewing his stories and him viewing mine. Mind you i’m not even that lit bcs i didn't want to do anything stupid since this is the first time being around him since brunch lmao. Night goes on, we dancing then i’m dancing on him cus why not and i notice he keeps staring at my lips and i eventually play dumb and let him kiss me =, first time i backed off second time we made out for like 2 seconds LMAO. Ok, i then let him be and distance myself, I notice B wants to get with him so i’m avoiding them although he isn't fully paying attention to her, fast forward, we end up getting kicked out and we going home. B is in the car w me asking for JZ and how she wants him to take her home and how he “kissed her”. ok anyways, he doesn’t take her home and she lied about that and he told everyone he only kissed me cool. I obv felt a type of way seeing them bcs idk why he got me feeling like this for him, when he doesn’t do shit bruh. Following day we go to Scarlet’s and B is with him and i was like great.. they was always together and i was lowkey hurt, why idk but I was. I just hoped she wasn’t going to NYC with us too..

Ok we go to NYC with the boys for St.Pattys day, its me ad libi and the guys from brunch... off the bat Jacob is being an asshole and bringing brunch up all the time, found out that I was crying for JZ that day of brunch like wtf?? ad to play it off like i remembered that LMAO. Ok, i avoid JZ all night then remembered the following day going up to him and my dumbass being drunk bringing up B to him talking about some, i’m not dumb you want her and he’s like no I want u and i’m like you’re not acting like it and thats all I remembered. He been watching my ig stories since B’s bday but idk my dumbass always does some dumb shit to push him off. I think its the thought of him not wanting me what kills me, like wtf? Following day all his boys said how they would get with me and how i’m bad like wtf let me heal you from your ex?? LMAOO JK. But that was another story, they prob think i’m easy after brunch but hell na, jacob was buggin and swears. Ok well that was on 3/18 and I haven’t seen him since.

I am just driven by the fact he doesn’t want me ig? but then he goes kissing me and saying he wants me? is he that much of a bitch? like I don’t understand fr and me wanting answers makes me want him more and honestly he isn’t even that cute, well he is but like for me to be this “obsessed”. He def needs healing from his ex bcs he be liking sad shit and how he can’t trust females.. He is just such a cool person and his vibes are it, his style and the way he talks god. I don’t know what JZ did to me but he got me going through it without doing anything bruh. No need for me to feel this way. And the fact he knows i’m down bad for him prob gives him an ick and i see why but i try to avoid him and be cool but i fuck it up somehow. I clearly can’t drink when i’m around him. I just wished he was open to getting to know me and not making it weird. But yeah, that’s mainly what’s been making me upset,I was over the thought of him till i was around him for 2 weekends straight. They talking about NYC next weekend and staying over there, idk if he’s going and idk if B is going. If she goes that shit gonna blow mine but we’ll see.

I should be doing homework but here’s me writing a whole book lol.

March 25, 2023

4:19pm

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incorrect-ikevamp-quotes · 4 years

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Hi! I love everything that you write and heh I am a fan! 😄 tbh this is my first time requesting something on Tumblr! If you don't mind and if I am not being a bother...can you write about how the guys would react If MC suddenly starts making meme references? I don't know how I got the idea but I am REALLY curious. And love you! :D

Hiya! Tyvm for the kind words, and apologies that this took a while! I hope you have the chance to enjoy it regardless ❤️❤️❤️ Love you too, sweet pea! I promise to get to the next request you’ve sent ASAP~

Aight but this would be hilarious because the range of the reactions is just ungodly. I will be putting this under a cut after Napoleon so I don’t clog up everyone’s dash, but all the suitors are included below otherwise!

Comte is the one that recognizes a few, but didn’t really stay in modern times long enough to be as well-versed as a Gen Z kid might. Regardless he finds the wittiness and absolute chaotic fuckery to be delightful, and will 100% support the harmless nonsense. It never fails to get a laugh out of him

Mozart that first day be like: “Buzz off MC I hate you” MC, because she likes swinging bats at wasps’ nests: “Well that’s not very cash money of you” Mozart: ?????????? Comte, giggling in the bg like the secret fae he is This one’s just because I’m petty, but after the events of Comte rt I just imagine them encountering Vlad again and MC’s just “I lived bitch.” while Comte is flipping him off behind her lkjahgkjhdsg

Comte @ Leo when he finds the latter under his desk: Had it not been for the laws of this land, I would have slaughtered you. MC: wheezing from the hallway as she’s about to give him his letters

MC: So how was your day, honey? Comte: Good, good--briefly had to go beastmode upon the punk that pilfered my lint roller MC, biting her lip to keep from laughing: So does Leo still have his kneecaps? Comte: for now.

Comte, @ literally anyone upsetting the MC: I won’t hesitate, bitch

Comte: Be careful with my emotional baggage, it’s designer

MC: What if I was evil and ran towards you at very fast speeds Comte: My arms are strong, I would catch and hug you

Leo and Dazai are the ones that don’t have a single reference point but are filled with so much dumbass chaos energy that they just. Understand immediately???? Nobody knows how or why, but they just catch on so fast--adapt the language in a matter of weeks. Never underestimate the power of combined boredom, depression, and humor

I swear to god I just see MC taking them their Blanc/Rouge and being like “here you go sir, one enslaved moisture” and they just go fucking hog wild from day one. MC starts impersonating Theo when he leaves the room around Dazai, like fake deep voice “you all only hate me because you do not like me and I am mean to you. grow up.” Or like the MC meets a baby on her travels with Leo around town and she holds them and says v seriously and sagely “So you are Baby? I have heard tales of your exploits.” and Leo about loses his shit right there. They both think MC is the funniest person alive--they’ve never been more eager to throw a ring at someone in their entire life.

Also a bonus for my beloved Dazai: MC, facing even the slightest inconvenience (like dropping her fork) in the most dramtic voice possible: Life is not daijoubu. Dazai: wheezing

MC, after watching Theo turn down a woman at the bar in the meanest way possible: bro quit letting the darkness consume you u r scaring the hoes Dazai, literally rolling around on the ground, half-drunk and dying:

MC, walking alongside Dazai and stopping to stare at her reflection in the River Seine. Dazai’s expecting some sad or twisted shit, since people often feel comfortable talking about those things around him, but instead she just: “Oh, it’s you. The source of all my problems.” And he about falls into the river from shock HAHAHA

At this point don’t be surprised if his next book is about an absolute madlad woman similar to MC

Napoleon finds it to be a delightful quirk more than anything? He doesn’t really understand it, but he finds it funny when they change their voice for effect or speak in exaggerated tones. If it’s just comprehensible enough for an outsider to understand--or Sebas gives him context--chances are it’ll send him into a laughing fit

For this one I just imagine MC singing that Ratatouille meme song obnoxiously bad while cooking, and Napoleon and Comte are just so wildly amused by it bc it makes zero sense and it’s only vaguely French at this point

MC @ Napoleon while they’re cooking brunch: Can I offer you a nice egg in these trying times?

MC, conflicted because she’s tired and wanted to sleep in but also got to see Napo’s cute sleeping face for a few hours: For my next stunt, I’ll wake up at 5AM on the day I can sleep in. Sebas: Early to bed and early to rise makes a person healthy, wealthy, and wise MC: early to bed and early to rise makes me a massive bitch Napoleon: laughing in agreement

Isaac is the type to be bewildered and concerned at first (especially when he hears the more nihilistic ones hoOOOoooOO BOY) but eventually begins to understand it’s some bizarre attempt at humor (that hurts Zack baby). While some part of him laments that it reminds him of Dazai and he’s secretly jealous of how she and Dazai bond over it, he will sometimes join in the chaos when the mood strikes him and he’s feeling mischievous

Isaac: How are you feeling? MC: Oh, I’m not Isaac: seconds from dialing 911 Isaac: Are you okay? MC: Oh yeah dw I just suffer from that syndrome where your neutral expression makes you look like you’re an angry serial killer Isaac: say sike rn

Isaac, tutoring MC and correcting something: MC, muttering while redoing it: The risk I took was calculated, but man am I bad at math. Isaac: unable to help a laugh

One time MC was avoiding Isaac for fear of hurting his feelings and he just confronts her like: Isaac: back by unpopular demand, me! What’s wrong, MC pls MC was so hecking proud of him

Isaac, telling MC about a recent discovery he learned at uni from another professor: bones typically heal stronger after they’ve been broken--so long as they’re set properly, of course MC, looking him dead in the eyes: So what you’re saying is that I should break every bone in my body until I become superhumanly powerful? Isaac: please do not, no

Mozart and Jeanne are just. Totally lost. Why are you talking like that??? Why are you making “crab hands”???? They don’t understand. Maybe never will. They reach a point where they just kind of laugh and shake their heads, endeared by the oddity after they’re used to it and have determined it isn’t a threat/insult.

MC: It’s a cold and it’s a brooooken, Waluigi. Waaaaluigiiiii...waaaahluigi..... Mozart: surprised, then starts snickering and playing along on the piano

Arthur, asking MC very personal questions out loud because he is an idiot sometimes: Soooo MC, are you a top or a bottom? MC: I’m a threat. (If he asks a second time, the response will be “Wouldn’t you like to know, weatherboy.”) Jeanne, fighting a smile:

MC, about to punch an asshole: Your free trial of being alive has ended Jeanne, seconds from laughing for the first time in 100 years:

Also, because I genuinely can’t help myself. You know that knight meme like “Parry this you fucking casual.” I cannot stress enough that it is literally the personification of Jeanne’s entire character. I’m not even joking.

Arthur and Shakespeare are utterly fascinated by the rapid evolution of wordplay and the sheer hilarity. They will ask all about these so-called “memes” and ask for examples of them if MC can show them (either somehow accessing her phone or drawing them). MC draws Arthur the knife cat meme and he about a s c e n d s at the hilarity of it all, points and yells THEO IS HOLDING THE KNIFE. He is correct. They will be delighted and follow along eagerly, and--god forbid--will make their own based on late 19th century struggles.

Is this where Shakespeare got the idea for “What, you egg? stabs him” and “You are a saucy boy.”? I’m too scared to ask. Don’t even get me started on “The Fool jingled miserably across the floor.” That one is just too on the nose...

I can’t even imagine what would happen to Shakespeare if MC like translated vines and memes into Ye Olde English around him. Imagine she’s at one of those noble balls and hears rumors of these two guys living together and they’re so obviously gay and he says “And those gents w’re roommates.” And in the most false surprised tone ever MC just replies “oh mine own god, those gents w’re roommates.” Imagine having a wife that’s just as hilarious as you are and hits you with all the force of a bag of wet mice every time you speak in retaliation, he’s going into palpitations.

Every time Arthur does smth stupid MC just: “I Pretend I Do Not See It.”

Vincent is tickled pink by MC’s penchant for finding joy and/or amusement in nearly everything they do, and he smiles gently when he sees them muttering and laughing to themselves. He wants to be able to join them in what they love, but he has a harder time following along and understanding the darker humor sometimes. Mostly gets confused??? Please give him the easier ones to mimic and laugh when he tries--or just include him in your jokes MC. He’s babie your honor...

But he also. Will not. Stand any kind of self-deprecation or borderline verbal self-harm. He’s usually very easygoing and calm, but for whatever reason that stuff makes him go deathly quiet and upset.

MC, after something goes horribly wrong, hugging Vincent: Oh Vince, we really in it now Vincent: giggling a little despite his worries, relaxing

MC: Theo stop simping for Vincent that’s my job

MC, when Theo leaves the room and she gets Vincent all to herself: The evil is defeated.

MC: And this is where I would put my will to live...if I h a d one! Vincent: ;-; MC: oh shit, oh fuck, I was only kidding Vincent wait (MC was subsequently lectured and loved on for many hours)

Theo is conflicted because on the one hand, he loves to see you smiling and having fun. On the other, you’re clowning as hard as Dazai and Arthur and he can only handle so many monkeys in his circus. Most of the time he will roll his eyes and be the straight man of this comedy, but you might find him cracking a smile--or accidentally letting a chuckle slip past his lips now and again.

MC, after meeting Theo: I’m a nice person, but I’m about to start throwing rocks at people.

Theo, those first days: Oh? You’re approaching me? Instead of running away, you’re coming right to me? MC: I can’t beat the shit out of you without getting closer.

Theo: Every time I ask MC to explain “vibe check” to me she hits me with some kind of improvised weapon

MC, after the “incident” (you know the one): This year, I lost my dear lover Theo Theo, in the distance: QUIT TELLING EVERYONE I’M DEAD! MC: ;-; sometimes I can still hear his voice...

Sebastian is last because oh boy. OH BOYYYYY I LOVE HIM. Okay so the way I see this happening with Sebastian is just. So wild. Because at first he’s t r y i n g so hard to be the proper butler man. He does not meme. But then he starts to drift closer to what Niles from The Nanny was, where he’ll quip and joke in private or when the situation is just beyond the amount of absurdity he can handle without making a snarky comment. Everyone in the house can’t fathom how Sebas and MC got so close so fast, but there are points where they’re just “Are they even speaking English anymore???” It’s 11 times funnier than normal because Sebas almost never smiles or laughs when memeing, the deadpan quality of his playing along sends MC every time

Has ABSOLUTELY said “HEY. PANINI HEAD. ARE YOU EVEN LISTENING TO ME???” jokingly when MC made a mistake in the kitchen. They laugh about it for y e a r s

MC: I can’t date someone who keeps a lamb as a pet, that’s so weird Sebas, brushing Lotte in front of MC: MC: MC: Okay, I will make an exception because she looks very polite

MC and Sebas, fully aware of the fame some of the men will reach in modern times: We will watch your career with great interest. (I s2g that’s like half of Sebas’ rt right there I’m crying)

Sebas rt with Lotte be like that 500 dollar Mareep meme: “sometimes a family can be just a boy, his gf, and their 500 dollar two foot tall Lotte”

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spectracully · 4 years

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crash the crush.

pairings : senior student!xiaojun x sophomore student!reader warnings : profanity, underage drinking, mentions of drugs genre : fluff, a bit of crack? highschool!au word count : 4.3k

summary : what are the odds of crashing into your crush during the neighborhood-friendly run and mutual friends party?

You were pissed off when your mum said you need to work your lazy ass off. Well, if it's on the summer break, you'll most likely agree with her. But it's only the weekend, and you've been studying your ass off these days. A lazy weekend is something you earned, but your mum decided to rain on your lazy parade.

With all those groans and deep sighs, you storm off your house wearing your workout gear. Not much, only a windbreaker jacket paired with shorts and running shoes. Popping your airpods on both of your ears to blast some jams, you take some light jogging steps on your neighborhood. It's only 4.30 pm, and kinda windy, why the fuck are you doing this? That's right, because mum literally compared you to your neighbor's daughter, Giselle, who recently won a karate tournament. Now mum won't even shut up how much she wants an active daughter, not the lazy one. Yikes.

Back to the streets by Saweetie & Jhene Aiko plays, and you hear a message notification on your airpods. Still on your light jogs, you glance at the notification.

yeri<3 : yo yeri<3 : wyd

You stop jogging for a while to write your bestfriend back. It's saturday, she's probably asking you to hangout along with the gang. Yeri gets easily bored at home and in constant need of hanging out.

y/n : running 💃 💃 💃 y/n : mum said i need to be giselle

You continue your pace while waiting for her reply. You can see your neighborhood clearly now, seeing the details, since you always go to school in a sleepy state, not really noticing the environment, and also going home from school mostly sleeping in your brother's car.

The notification rings again. It must be Yeri.

yeri<3 : bitch thats a dancing emoji yeri<3 : running in a weather like this? yeri<3 : damn straight u wanna be giselle

You chuckle as you’re about to type the messages once more, the weather is fine, what the hell is she talking about? But then Yeri is still typing.

yeri<3 : n e ways yeri<3 : party at lucas' 8pm yeri<3 : be there or be fucking square 💀 💀 💀

You sigh. There she goes. No other option than tag along with her, but it's not like you hate it anyway. Lucas' party is always awesome, you and your friends also will get a VIP pass because he's a good friend of yours too, despite the fact that you're not even in the same grade as him, he's one year above you and Yeri.

y/n : weather is nice dont jinx it y/n : fine but pick me up y/n : cuz doyoung won't let me drive his car

You send the messages to Yeri to prove her the weather is fine, and indicates that you agree to go to Lucas' house tonight, it's a great night to probably get wasted after all those tiring run mum decided to toss on you. It's gonna be fun, anyways. But the thing about hanging out with Lucas and his senior friends.. You might've developed a big fat crush with one of Lucas' closest friends, Xiaojun.

You barely had an interaction with him, though, because he's usually the quiet and calm one in Lucas' closest friends group. Lucas himself is already so fucking loud, not to mention Hendery, the good-looking clown and moodmaker. There's also Jungwoo, the one who looks very calm but actually won't shut up once you talk to him. Mark too, the giggly one with some lame jokes. Well, going to Lucas' party tonight means you can see Xiaojun, probably getting the chances that you'll have some interaction over some boozes or something is also quite high.

After feeling all warmed up, you decide to give yourself a run around the block. Yeri's right, it's a funny weather to run. It's windy, but the more you stay outside, the cloud is getting darker and darker. You also knew that you're not really alone, who's doing this athletic bullshit in this kind of weather, you noticed that a boy is also doing this silly run when you were typing messages to Yeri. Probably just another neighbor's child being scolded by his mum of how Giselle is so athletic that his mum also wants an active son? Welp, you didn't see his face anyway, you were glued to the phone when you saw the figure running from the side.

It's not even a minute after you started running, Yeri already replied again. Is she really that bored that she doesn't have anything to do?

yeri<3 : ok i'll pick u up at 7 yeri<3 : um.. its fucking raining, y/n yeri<3 : go home and take a shower yeri<3 : pick ur clothes and put on some makeup instead yeri<3 : its saturday night, activate your hoe protocol yeri<3 : mr xiaojun is going to be there tonight

You stop running and stare at her messages. Raining? Is she drunk or what? It's not even 5pm yet and here she is, hallucinating-

Oop. There it goes. You feel some water drops on your head. Your hand. It was slow at first, but then the raindrops are getting harder and harder, it's pouring.

"Motherfu-" you let out a curse, you should've trusted Yeri on this. As an intuitive homo sapiens with XX chromosomes, you scan through the streets, looking for some shelter to wait the rain to stop. Spotting a bus stop with a large steel canopy, you run like your life depended on it, avoiding the rain.

Finally arriving, you sigh and sit on the installed chair, typing messages to Yeri.

y/n : omg bitch ur right its raining y/n : should've pretended im dead in my room so mum wont bug me y/n : u know what after the rain ends im gonna sprint back home and take a fucking shower y/n : the universe doesnt like it when im trying to be giselle, it gave me rain instead

You sigh as you shuffle through your playlist, looking for some fun jams to pass your time through the rain, when somebody suddenly approaches you.

"Hi, do you mind if I take a seat here?" a boy asks, pointing to the chair next to you. You look up, and suddenly the next thing you wanna do is ascend your soul the fuck out of your body to the sky.

Oh boy. It's Xiaojun. The boy you won't shut up about. He’s wearing a white loose tank and grey sweatpants, drenched in his own sweat. Oh god. This is truly an attack for you. What the fuck is he doing here? And why must you meet him at your mess like being all salty because of those running fiasco and the rain? While wearing your not-so-fashionable workout gear and not-so-tidy ponytails? Oh god.

You can feel your heart is about to explode when you realize that he is actually the person who is also doing the stupid running at this very weather, you just didn't notice it sooner because you were on your damn phone. Damn, mum was right, everything happened because you were always on your damn phone.

"No, of course! Take a seat!" you answer him, trying your best to crack your sweetest smile although it's more like sweatiest not sweetest.

He smiles back at you, taking a seat next to you, then his eyes get back to his phone, completely glued. Damn this is the only cardio that is worth it, no running, no jumping, no huff that huff this, only sitting next to Xiaojun on a rainy day on a bus stop. Wonderful.

You quickly whip up the messaging app to type all kinds of gibberish and send it to Yeri. She knows what shit is about to go down when you speak gibberish to her.

y/n : FUCKJSHSJJSKSJK YERI y/n : OH MY FUCKING GOD SJSGSJSHSKJSK

Lucky you, Yeri has nothing to do than respond to your messages, she stays put on the chat room.

yeri<3 : OMG BITCH WHAT yeri<3 : SKSHSJJSKS YOU SCARED ME

y/n : HE's FUCKING HERE AHSJSHSJEK

yeri<3 : OMG WHOS HE?? yeri<3 : THE DEVIL??? IS HE GONNA TAKE UR SOUL? SKEJSJKSKSK

y/n : XIAOJUN y/n : TURNS OUT HE ALSO LIVES IN THIS NEIGHBORHOOD

yeri<3 : ASKJSJSKSK WHAT yeri<3 : HOW

y/n : KAHSKSJKS omg bitch y/n : i was sheltering myself from the goddamn rain y/n : im in bus stop rn y/n : this angel came to accompany me y/n : HE WAS RUNNING TOO OMG y/n : omg yeri just so u know if im not there when u pick me up y/n : its bc im in church getting married with my man xiaojun

yeri<3 : BITCH OMG SKSKSKSKK yeri<3 : GET MARRIED RN yeri<3 : WAIT dont waste the chance yeri<3 : talk to him rn!!!

You swear you're about to scream when Yeri sends that. She was actually right, this is your chance to talk to him, considering that you didn't really interact that much with him. But really? He didn't even say a word when he sat, probably didn't even remember your name? The disappointment slowly gets into your head.

You freeze on the spot. torn between wanting to talk to him and just let it slide, you'll see him again tonight as Lucas' house, right?

Just when you decide to give up and not say a word, he turns his head to you.

"Hey, I didn't know you live in this neighborhood too," he starts.

Oh god. If every time your heart beats fast you get a dollar, you'd probably have your own private island by now.

You try to play it cool when actually on the inside you wanna scream I LIKE YOU to his face rn. "Oh? Oh yes, my house is number 13." you answer calmly,

He cracks a smile, “13? You’re Doyoung’s little sister?”

Oh god. What the fuck is this clownery? He knows Doyoung? Why and how? At this rate you just wanna evaporate to the rain, what if Doyoung actually knows that you liked Xiaojun and he spills it? Oh god.

You smile back at him, holding the panic you’ve been keeping since he mentioned Doyoung’s name. “Yep. I’m his sister.”

“Oh god, why didn’t I notice that earlier? I could’ve taken care of you at school!” he exclaims, and you sure you just wanna evaporate to the rain. Him? Taking care of you at school? YES PLEASE!

You let out a small giggle, trying to be as calm as possible when in reality you’re very sure you just wanna melt like a goddamn popsicle on a hot summer day. “So, how do you know my brother, actually?”

He laughs a bit, wiping away the sweat on his forehead. Oh god, he’s just so beautiful. “Well.. Doyoung and I used to be a dynamic duo in the school's choir, until he graduated.”

Oh, that. Doyoung is pretty serious about his career in the school’s choir, but you did not expect that Xiaojun is actually a part of it. Of course, he has the face of an angel, the voice is included.

“Now I know why Doyoung never let me come to his house. Turns out he has a cute- I mean, h-he has a sister, and that’s you! M-Maybe he’s afraid I’ll bother you or s-something.” he continues, stuttering a bit, and letting out an awkward laugh. You laugh again, feeling the blood rushing to your cheeks that you can’t hide no more. DID HE JUST SAY DOYOUNG HAS A CUTE SISTER? DID HE JUST SAY YOU’RE CUTE? DID HE-

But then, good things always come to an end. The goddamn rain stops. Oh fuck, no more chitter chatter with the dear crush. Just when it is the fucking time you need to hear the goddamn wedding bells, the rain decided to stop on your rain parade. Fuck.

He looks up, and seems like noticing the rain has stopped. “Well, Y/n. Lucas is having a party tonight, are you coming?”

You can feel your cheeks are still heating from his words, you shyly nod to him. Welp, maybe the rain has stopped, but this stupid crush? No. It goes on. Very much.

He stands up, straightening his white loose tank, getting ready to probably sprint back home. “Okay. See you tonight then, I’m going home. Have a good run!” he says as he walks away from the bus stop, leaving you dumbfounded. And lovestruck. That’s a win, alright.

Xiaojun slowly fades away from your view, and you’re still drowning on your pool of love. Yep, that’s it. You can’t even hold it, you quickly dial Yeri’s number to break out the news.

“What is it, Y/n? You literally left me on read for like 14 minutes straight and now you-”

“YERI LISTEN I’M GETTING MARRIED TONIGHT AND THAT’S A FUCKING FACT!” you shout to the phone, you can picture Yeri is probably goggling out her eyes right now.

“Girl, just because Xiaojun just asked you why the fuck were you running at times like this it doesn’t mean-”

“HE CALLED ME CUTE!” you blurted out,cutting her sentences for the second time,

“-you’re getting married- WHAT?? HE CALLED YOU WHAT?” Yeri yelled from the phone, now it’s pretty clear that Yeri is probably jumping her ass off right now.

You sprint your way to home, while holding your phone to your ears, continuing to give Yeri the details about the bus stop conversation you had earlier. Now she’s just yelling at you to pick the right dress and pamper yourself up, the probability you’ll marry Xiaojun at Lucas’ party is increasing. Sure it does.

-------

It’s 11.28 PM, 3 hours and a half since you and Yeri just arrived at Lucas’ house, escaping from Doyoung’s warning to you, to get back in one piece, and most importantly, sober. As if you’re gonna leave Lucas’ house sober, that’s funny, alright. You and Yeri were greeted by Yangyang and Donghyuck, who are currently setting up the table for snacks and drinks. That was probably the first time you saw Donghyuck ever setting up something, because if not, Jungwoo would’ve set his ass on fire.

The party madness has started, seems like everybody already has enough alcohol running on their system. Lucas is already losing his shirt and starts twerking in the middle of his house along with Jaemin and Jungwoo. Ah yes, the thot trio already started their thing, and all you have to do is just stay back and avoid getting dragged to the dance mess, because the chance of Jungwoo and Jaemin will start grinding at you is kinda high right now.. Considering their.. Twerking fiasco.

You sit back on the couch and watch your friends getting crazy over the playlist Yangyang made just for this event, sipping on your cocktails that Donghyuck put god-knows-what in it, he said it’s just cherry juice mixed with gin and brandy, but somehow it tastes kinda citrusy. You glance to the right, only to see Yeri making out with some random guy (probably one of Lucas’ friends named Changbin but oh well, that’s Yeri’s business).

Slightly grossed out and sad because apparently you’re not making out with Xiaojun right now, you make your way to the patio, and find the crowd that circle around a spinning bottle. Interested, you join Jeno, Mark, Renjun, Yeji, Hyunjin, Sungchan, Karina, Vernon, Hendery, and of course, the (hottest) most important person right now, Xiaojun.

“Welcome! As a newly joined member.. Truth or dare?” Jeno greets you as you take a seat between Mark and Sungchan. Well, you’d love to sit beside Xiaojun, but apparently, that seat is already taken by Hendery and Vernon.

You silently glance at Xiaojun, who is wearing a denim jacket with light-yellow knit top underneath, paired with white trousers. Damn, he looks so damn good that you wanna cry a river.

Your head comes back to the question Jeno asked. Today’s your day, be bold or bald. It’s time. “Well, I’m not gonna put my drunk antics to waste. Dare then.” you answer boldly, earning a few ‘ooooh’s from your friends.

Jeno snickers. Well, fuck. Guess you’re a bit too damn bold tonight, the realization suddenly hits you like a fucking trainwreck, Jeno is kinda extreme for games like this. Wrong choice, y/n. You gulp as you wait for Jeno to come up with something.

“I dare you to kiss Xiaojun!” Jeno exclaims, clapping both of his hands like a goddamn happy seal. Mark and Hendery are high-fiving right now, throwing whistles around Xiaojun, who is silent as a fucking rock.

Oh god. Things you’ve said about not putting your drunk antics to waste should’ve stayed in that goddamn draft. This is where Jeno takes you, even though you’re secretly happy that you finally get to kiss your goddamn crush, that shit is EMBARRASSING. If you wanna evaporate to the waters, then it’s probably the right time to do it.

But why Xiaojun though? Is your big fat crush on him too obvious?

You freeze on the spot as you awkwardly smile and stare at Jeno. This shit can’t be real. Jeno is goddamn crazy. You can feel the air is getting hot, whether it’s because the alcohol starts kicking in, or just because the blood is rushing through your head.

“Scared, aren’t you?” Jeno taunts you, sipping his beer as the rest of the group laugh except you and Xiaojun, who is currently staring at you with a questionable expression. Is he pleased? Or is he pissed? Oh god.

“I-I’m not!” you answer him, leaning to Xiaojun, gulping once more before asking him, “You’re okay with this though?”

Xiaojun smirks, “How can I say no to you?” he asks back, accompanied by a few ‘ayyy~’ from the boys, sending butterflies to your stomach. Your face is probably as red as a tomato by now.

Good god. Is this the same Xiaojun who is quiet, calm, and collected among his friends? Why suddenly he is so bold? Oh, he’s probably just drunk and won’t remember this kiss anyway.. You lean closer to him, closing the gap between his face and yours by sealing the kiss. His lips are soft yet firm, almost like a grape jelly you had earlier this afternoon, with a hint of vodka, of course.

After a few seconds, you finally pull out and linger your eyes on him. It’s beautiful, and mesmerizing. You just wish that you can see it again, and only for you, no one else. As you get back to your seat, you take one more last glance at him, that is currently also glancing at you, with his cheeks red.

Okay. You definitely heard the wedding bells, thanks Jeno. That’s probably one of your dreams, and thanks to Jeno, it came true. But unfortunately, Xiaojun probably won’t feel the same, or worse, he’ll probably forget about it tomorrow.

Everyone claps, exchanging happy exclaims and cheers as if you just said ‘I do’ to Xiaojun lol, when in reality, you were just doing the dare Jeno gave you. You gulp bitterly as the game goes on and on.

-----

It’s an hour past midnight, 1.12 AM to be exact. Thank god you’re not that shitfaced, but Yeri is. She is not even capable of doing anything anymore except being all smiley and shit, Changbin already drove her home like fifteen minutes ago, leaving you behind in Lucas’ lair. You suddenly felt the urge to thank god that Yeri made a fantastic decision last minute before picking you up, she used a taxi instead of driving. If she hadn’t, you’re probably stuck driving her home right now.

You scan through the house while leaning through the stair railings, looking for an easy target to get a free ride. Finally spotted your friends, you now have 3 choices : Donghyuck (who is currently seducing some random girl), Yangyang (who is now playing mobile games with Jaemin and Chenle), or Mark (who recently just hit a goddamn blunt, but he’s very capable to drive).

You sip your glass of water, making up your mind for your ride home. But then, suddenly someone taps on your shoulder.

“Do you wanna go home? Like, right now? I can drive you- I mean, our house is like, near.” you hear Xiaojun speaking to you, holding his car keys on his left hand.

Good gracious, is this even real? Like, Xiaojun, is actually asking you to go home with him? Is this real? Or are you just hallucinating from the goddamn weed you take 10 minutes ago from Lucas?

You stare at him blankly. He bit his lip, “I mean- If you wanna stay longer- or probably-”

“Yes, of course! Let’s go.” you smile at him, cutting off his words.

3 times in a day. Good job, Y/n! The wedding is up ahead!

He smiles and gives you a gesture, “Ladies first.”

The drive is not as awkward as you thought. Turns out, Xiaojun is full of surprise though, you nearly choked when he said he once formally apologized to Doyoung before he stood up to defend the dignity of Mint Chocolate Chip flavored ice cream. It’s delightful to find out that he has similar tastes as you, from ice cream flavor to music and school subjects.

Xiaojun also told you the reason why he was on the run earlier, he was bored. Damn, look at it, the difference between a forced daughter whose mum wants an active child, and a bored model-student. He said he didn’t expect to see you because he was embarrassed, he was drenched in sweat.

You can feel the butterflies on your stomach grow wilder and wilder from every word he said, or maybe it’s just the way he smiles when he talks to you? Welp, if it’s anything to do with Xiaojun, you’ll most likely get butterflies.

Just when you thought he was drunk, he is not. He’s capable of driving you home and carrying on some fun convos, also remembering little things. So.. perhaps, he is not going to forget the kiss you shared because of Jeno’s dare?

As you keep on exchanging conversation with him, suddenly it’s time to get off his car and get back to your house, get ready to deal with Doyoung’s nags and scolds for getting home this late.

You giggle as you take the seat belt off, smiling at the brown haired boy.

“Thank you for driving me home, Xiaojun. It was fun.” you say to him, waving him goodbye as you open the door. He smiles and waves back at you.

Just when you’re about to open the gate of your house, you hear the sound of slamming car doors. You turn around and see Xiaojun standing in front of you, eyes sparkling like a goddamn star. Unfortunately, it’s not Christmas.. If it is, all you want for Christmas is to stare at Xiaojun’s beautiful eyes all day, and probably get married to him.

“Um.. Y/n.. I don’t know how to say this but.. The kiss you gave me earlier, it’s kinda..” he starts, smiling sheepishly.

Oh god, what now? It’s kinda what? Gross? You swear you’ll kill Jeno if you hear that from Xiaojun.

You gaze at him as you wait for him to complete his sentences.

“It’s kinda.. Making me feel.. Things.” he finally continues, rubbing the back of his neck while looking away from you, flustered. It’s pretty cute.

You giggle at him a little, the butterflies come back, or maybe they never even left?

“Don’t laugh, Y/n. I’m being honest, I was pretty embarrassed to run into you during sheltering, and now you’re laughing at me for-”

You let out a big laugh before you pull him to another kiss. This one is a bit longer, more passionate and intimate, unlike the one you had before. He cups your cheek as you feel him smiling during the kiss.

“I’m sorry if I invaded your privacy- but your fast typing was very.. Intriguing.. I might’ve seen you texting Yeri at the bus stop.” he giggles after you pull out from the kiss.

Yikes. You feel like you’re about to burst now. He saw you texting Yeri? What kind of clownery is this? Did he see you typing- oh god, that’s too embarrassing to remember.

“No! That’s too embarrassing!” you cover your face, he laughs once more.

“Now, which church are we going to? I’m pretty sure you said we’re getting married tonight, right?” he takes your hands off your face, grinning widely.

You pout and lightly hit him, only to be attacked by his hugs a second later. Aww, finally, dreams do come true. You stay on his embrace for a few more minutes, no talking, just comfortable silence and realization that you’re on Xiaojun’s arms right now.

You glance at your watch, Doyoung would be furious by now. Telling him that you really have to go before Doyoung can rise from his sleep and beat your ass, you finally wave goodbye to him as he gets back to his car.

Finally entering the house, you’re greeted by Doyoung who’s standing in front of you, holding a bowl of salad on his right hand.

“So, kissing Xiaojun in front of my salad?” he raises his eyebrow.

You stick out your tongue as you make your way upstairs. Technically, not in front of Doyoung’s salad, because the door was closed. He’s probably looking through the window, such a nosy brother. You laugh at the thought of Doyoung getting furious while eating his salad as you get a message.

Xiaojun : so, see you at school? Xiaojun : can’t wait to hold your hand on monday ;)

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ushiwakaout · 4 years

Text

WARNINGS: age gap, student x teacher (platonic then romantic) SPOILERS FOR MANGA CHAPTERS 280+

probably really bad spelling

Ok bitches, it’s midnight and my mind is ROLLING.

This obviously has to do with bakugo. I’m a bakugo kinny so don’t @ me plz.

I really do be thinking that he’d fall in love with his teacher. But like let me explain.

You’re one of his teachers but you aren’t a hero, 100% a vigilante bc you don’t believe in the Hero morals bc you think they are a little twisted. You’re the only teacher in UA who’s not a “real” hero, personally i think Aizawa is a vigilante bc in the beginning we see that he doesn’t like Toshinori and i think it has to do with his Hero ways.

ANYWAYS, getting out of pocket here.

After the UA festival you have a big soft spot for bakugo and midoriya (especially bkg but don’t tell deku). One day he accidentally fell asleep in class bc he’s been having nightmares and you notice. Ofc you do- he’s basically your kid smh. You don’t even bother to wake him and you threaten the ones who try, especially denki and mineta. Your quirk revolves around blood manipulation but u can make it into a physical form (i guess like elsa but w blood/ u can manipulate not just yours) So when they try to wake up bakugo you just put two scary blood creatures beside them and they threaten them for you. If class is over and he’s still asleep, deku looks a little worried but you pat his shoulders and let him know it’s okay.

not you waking him up with a blood figure bc your scared of him 😔 just a lil

he obviously wakes up startled with the blood beside him, unknown to you, it reminded him of the Sludge villain. you rush to his side and start to apologize, stroking his hair but he just slaps your hand away. He’s not used to this type of affection. “Bakugo.... Are you sleeping alright?” He obviously doesn’t crack under the first attempt and decided to leave, calling you an old hag nun the less. He’s muttering “Why should you care?” and “Mind your business old hag.” Mind you, youre only like 7 years older than he is. (Bakugo is 16, aka the oldest of the class making you 23, one of the youngest teachers too) You only stop him seconds before he’s out the door to let him know that he can talk to you when he wants to. Obviously flips u off bc he doesn’t see you like an elder like Aizawa or All Might.

The fourth time Bakugo is distracted or falls asleep, he slips up. You wake him after Iida complained to you about not waking him up, low key threaten him too- u know that he almost murdered stain 💀 shuts him right up. You stroke his hair this time, trying to be gentle and not startle him like last time. You ask if he’s okay again and that’s when he slips up, “Just nightmares n stuff...” He is NOT fully awake or conscious, so he kinda frazzled up again and we are back to our regular program of Bakugo barking in your face to mind your business. But you don’t expect him to say thank you right before he walks out the door. You’re like ????? that’s new.

It’s probably the last time bakugo falls asleep is when he starts developing a crush on you. You run your hands through his hair again and he kinda rubbed into it like a cat being pet behind the ears. Both of you are like 👁👄👁

He BOLTED. No way he had just developed a crush on his teacher. No fucking way. Try’s to distance himself from you. Doesnt sleep in you class anymore. Doesnt ask you for your help or anything. You don’t mind since it seems like he’s getting by better than he was before.

But when he gets captured by the LOV and youre at camp w aizawa as extra help and you don’t see bakugo back with the rest it’s like a piece of your heart was ripped out. ( BTW in this point in time the feelings you have for bakugo ARE NOT ROMANTIC, it’s kinda like Eri and Aizawa situation, you unintentionally took bakugo under your wing and care for him a little bit more than the rest)

You don’t sleep until you find him. You’re at the press conference and you’re blood begins to boil when they said bakugo would become a villain. You spoke over Aizawa “I can assure you that you can drop those theories and accusations of my student. Bakugo Katsuki is talented and strong willed. What you saw during the festival was a mier fragment of who he really is. He’s a good kid who wants to be the number one hero one day... he wouldn’t give that up to be a villain.”

“And how do you know this fire sure, (hero/name)”

“I know my student better than anyone.”

When you hear that Midoriya, Iida, Momo, Kirishima and Todoroki went on a rescue mission to save Bakugo- you freak out. You paced all night until All might won the battle against AFO. Shota called you in the middle of the night to let you know that Bkg was gonna be in the hospital for the night. You rushed over there and once again your blood began to boil- you overheard the converstantion with him and his mother. Her calling him weak. What kind of mother was she?

you purposely walked in, “Oh sorry... You must be the Bakugos, I’m H/N- his teacher.” Mitsuki shook your hand and so did Masaru. You guys chatted a little before they left. “Your fathers such a sweet guy... how’d he end up with your mom?” Bakugo chuckled, “Old hag basically jumped on him at work.” You two chuckled together.

A very long chat between you too happened. More on how he was feeling and how you worried about him. At this point Bakugo knew that he could confide in you... He looked down at his lap and he began to sniffle. Something you where NOT expecting. “It’s all my fault... All might lost his power because of me... Becahse i was weak.” You heart ached for him UGH. Taking his hand in his, “Bakugo you are not weak... You’re the strongest kid I know. This isn’t your fault. If anything it’s mine... I couldn’t protect you kids fast enough... I’m sorry.” Caressing his cheeks. “It’s getting late. Get some sleep bakugo.” Youre about to let go of his hands but his grip gets tighter. “Don’t make me say it old hag.” He mutters before you chuckle a little and sit back down. You fall asleep you head on the edge of his bed, still in your chair while he finally began to drift to sleep. Your hand now in his.

When he figured out Deku’s secret he has one condition. “We tell L/N”

Deku’s like ??? “You mean H/N??? But kacchan!”

“No buts deku! We tell L/N or i tell everyone.”

“All Might! Do something!”

“I trust her”

“HA! Stupid deku!”

Bakugou’s kinda excited to tell you while y’all have tea and discuss Deku’s quirk but your sipping your tea when they tell you and your like “Oh, yeah i kinda figured that out myself... You guys are really bad at hiding a secret.” Bakugo calls the irresponsible and the rest is history 💀

Also you side intern w a 1-B student Shiozaki bc y’all have manipulation quirks and he gets mad jealous 💀💀 also hates that u intern w Vlad King and hang out w Hawks WAY TOO MUch

If he’s ever around you guys and Hawks starts flirting OH MAN bakugou with start to bark.

Hawks is the first person to notice his crush and he tells you and your like “Pft BAKUGOU?? You’re crazy!” but then you low key begin to notice small things that you didn’t before and your like oh- Oh shit.... this ain’t good

“Bakugo, have lunch with me will you?”

Denki and mineta make dirty jokes and you slap both of them w your shadows before the exit class.

You’re both mid into your bento box as you just blurt it out “Do you fancy me Kacchan?” yes u intentionally call him kacchan bc he chokes on the spici bento u made him. “Oh wow... hawks was right...”

“WHAT DID THAT BIRD BRAIN TELL YOU”

“Just told me you had a crush on me... Didnt believe him until now...” You eat a little more bento and just put it down bc ur don’t like the tension in the room. “Bakugo you know nothings going to happen between us right? You’re my student and i care about you. I obviously favor you but that’s all it’s gonna be.”

“Watch your mouth old hag. I’m 18 in two years, let’s see if i don’t come back and bite you in the ass.”

you burst out laughing and he just barks at you for laughing at him. “You will not my dear bakugo. Unless you graduate top of your class, turn 21 and make an image for yourself, then we’ll talk.”

“Mmm i promise ima gonna follow you till u love me too, L/N.”

“you’re disgusting, eat your bento.”

SPOILERS FOR MANGA CHAPTER 280 and ONGOING

You’re horribly injured. Gashes and blood spilling from your wounds as you watch Midoriya fight a battle alone with Shigaraki. Bakugo is sitting you up between his legs, making sure you don’t pass out. Your blood isn’t regenerating your wounds like it usually would. Your body has its limits and you’ve almost passed them.

But when Aizawa goes out cold, Deku claims Nanas float quirk, it’s up to you and Endevor to keep everyone safe, even if your body is screaming at you to sleep and rest.

There’s a moment when you see bakugo look at you when he sees that his child hood friends is in grave danger. “Don’t... BAKUGO!” He’s already in the air and your blood whips aren’t fast enough to move them. Shigaraki is faster and pieces through his chest and abdomen... It’s like you could feel it. “NO!!BAKUGO!!!” Everyone around you can hear the horror in your voice as you push yourself up in the air w the rest of your energy and catch him in your arms before anyone else does, but your body feels limp, luckily enough Todoroki Shoto is seconds behind you and catches the both of you safely.

At this point you can’t even tell who’s blood is on your hands. “You idiot.... Damn it ... Hey, hey you’re alright, look at me Bakugo. You can’t leave me too kid.” If it weren’t for your regeneration you’d probably be passed out the way he is right now. “We’re gonna get you to safety alright.... You gotta keep your promise... as stupid as it is.”

The second your feet step into a medical, everyone is looking at the both of you in horror. You tears a falling onto him and you just look like a tired mess. “Please take him. No- No not me, him! He needs help not me, please.” The doctors are quick and they try to help you but you keep screaming that it’s bakugo that needs help and when he’s not in your arms anymore and you see him getting the help you need that’s when your body collapses into the arms of a doctor.

Once everything is over and everyone is safe. You’re the last one out of the group who wakes up, which frightens bakugo. He’s in his room and he’s nagging you at his nurse to let him see you (your legit a curtain over) but she keeps saying that you need rest and blah blah. “Let the kid in nurse.” You croak and bakugo almost falls off his bed to get to you.

he regrets his decision. you look pissed. “You could have died.” was the first thing you tell him when you see him. “Do you know how selfish that was Bakugo? You could have died in my arms? Did you even think about that-

“My body moved in it’s own...”

*silence*

“I had to do something...”

You start tearing up, “get over here you stupid pomeranian.”

After that you watch Bakugo from afar, you give up you job in UA. You felt unworthy to have that position especially when you couldn’t save your student for the second time. Sometimes bakugo calls you and ask where you are while he’s on a grocery run. “I’m a lot closer than you think Kacchan, now get home safely, it’s getting dark.” You hang up in him and follows him back to UA, making use he’s fine.

This goes on for two year until he graduates. He’s taking pictures with his friends and aizawa gives him a box. “What is this?” he shrugs. “She just dropped it off.” He walks away leaving bakugo confused.

He opens the box and it’s a picture of you and him that Toshinori may have taken while you laughed together eating your bento. Behind the picture, there’s ink w your hand writing “give it back in 3 years” and inside there’s ring hanging on a necklace, he chuckles while reading the next note “p.s i’m not proposing. i just want something else to look forward to other than your presence”

“stupid hag.” he mutters before pulling the necklace over his head and tucking it into his graduate uniform. his hand is over the necklace and you see his smile from the top of the UA roof. When he looks up, he sees you. You smile softly and disappear when he blinks- he was afaid that would happen.

the next three years go by a lot quicker than he realizes. He’s interning under the agency you created w hawks but your no where to do seen. You’re never. in office.

and when april 20th hits, it’s the first time people see you in the office in three years and you go directly to Bakugos cubicle. You place a white box in front of him and smile “Happy birthday Dynamight.” His eyes widen when he locks eyes with you. Your hair is different, you look more like a woman than you did 5 years ago. he’s speechless and u just chuckle and roll your eyes. “My necklace, Kacchan.”

“I want my birthday present first.”

“What are you talking about, the box is your present now hand over my neck-“

“that’s not what i’m talking about.”

“the what-”

all eyes are on you two when pulls you into a kiss that he’s been holding onto for five years. “This necklace is mine now, just like you are. I promised you didn’t i?”

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missmizzmozz · 4 years

Text

Hello and welcome to an in-depth(?) analysis of Stand Tall from Julie and the Phantoms.

I am very tired but I had an epiphany in the shower so I’m going to try and gather the mushy pieces of my goblin brain so I can share my thoughts on the underlying meaning in this song. It’s very likely that someone else has similar ideas and has already talked about them but please bear with me. Here we go:

Don’t blink

No, I don’t want to miss it

I think this is talking about Julie’s fear that the boys have gone without being able to say goodbye to her. She’s performing at the Orpheum under the impression that they’ve disappeared forever so these lyrics – whatever their meaning when she and Luke wrote the song – are now very bittersweet.

One thing, and it’s back to the beginning

This might be obvious but “One thing” (C*leb’s jolts) has brought her back to the way things were at the start of the show – no mother (although she is there in spirit bc the dahlia) and no himbo ghost band.

‘Cause everything is rushing in fast

Keep going on, never look back

The difference between the Julie at the beginning of the show and the Julie who is performing this song now is clear; she’s not going to stop and break down although it’s all happened so quickly. She’s learned that even in grief she can keep on moving through life, grateful for all the love and memories she’s had with these three boys. She’s going to keep going for them.

And it’s one, two, three, four times

That I’ll try for one more night

One, two, three, four people that she’s lost: her mother, Luke, Alex and Reggie. The four reasons that she’s going to “try for one more night”. To make them proud.

Light a fire in my eyes

I’m going out of my mind

The “fire” is her passion for music that her mother helped nurture when she was alive and the band helped return to her after her mother’s death. It’s an imperative sentence which could suggest that she is asking them to give her the passion for this last performance.

Whatever happens, even if I’m the last standing

I’ma stand tall, I’ma stand tall

Whatever happens, even when everything’s down

I’ma stand tall, I’ma stand tall

The chorus is pretty self-explanatory. Julie is the last standing and she declares that she’s going to stand tall even though her heart is broken and she’s lost all hope of ever seeing the boys again.

I gotta keep on dreaming, ‘cause I gotta catch that feeling

Whatever happens, even if I’m the last standing

I’ma stand tall, I’ma stand tall

Again, I think the meaning is pretty obvious. Even without the band, Julie decides to keep their dream alive and carry on creating the music that they all share the same passion for.

And now for the moment when the waterworks start for me.

Right now, I’m loving every minute

Hands down, can’t let myself forget, no

‘Cause everything is rushing in fast

Keep going on, never look back

ALEX AND REGGIE ARE PERFORMING ALONGSIDE HER!! THEY HAVEN’T GONE!!

You can see the relief and happiness in Julie’s face when she sees them for the first time so I think these lines are a true reflection of how she’s feeling in that moment: a bit overwhelmed with emotions but still continuing to perform.

And it’s one, two, three, four times

That I’ll try for one more night

Light a fire in my eyes

I’m going to talk about the music in this bit bc I don’t really have anything new to say about the lyrics here.

The music starts to swell as Julie, Alex and Reggie wait for Luke to appear on stage with them. Julie’s voice is even stronger than before because her hope has returned. You can hear Luke’s guitar coming in and out with the melody as he fights the jolts to return to her, and you think for a moment that maybe he won’t come back in time when –

I’m going out of my mind

HE’S BACK BABYYY!!!!

Whatever happens, even if I'm the last standing

I'ma stand tall, I'ma stand tall

Whatever happens, even when everything's down

I'ma stand tall, I'ma stand tall

This time Luke is singing these lyrics. I think it’s him encouraging the band to keep going, no matter what happens at the end of this performance, even if this is the last time they’ll ever see each other again.

The serotonin when Julie and Luke start to harmonise tho. 🤌🏻

I gotta keep on dreaming, ‘cause I gotta catch that feeling

Whatever happens, even if I'm the last standing

I'ma stand tall, I'ma stand tall

THEY’RE SHARING THE MIC! The one thing that binds Julie and Luke together as friends or potentially as something more is the fact that they share the same dream and love of music so as they sing this part together, it represents the connection they share.

Like I'm glowing in the dark

I keep on going when it's all falling apart

Yeah, I know it with all my heart

Ooh, ooh

Our girl Jules is practically glowing with happiness that the boys are with her on stage. 🥺 Even though she knows it’s likely the last time she’ll ever sing with them again, she’s holding on to this moment and fully enjoying just being with her friends, her band, for one last time.

(Also the little back to back thing with Reggie at the ‘ooh, ooh’ bit just melts my heart ugh)

Never look back

Throughout the show, Luke always says that he has ‘no regrets’ in life but it’s at this moment when he is truly free from any regrets he might have had so it’s only right that he gets to belt this line.

Whatever happens, even if I’m the last standing

I’ma stand tall, I’ma stand tall

i’m full on sobbing now Alex, who has struggled with his anxieties over the uncertainty of death and how he became a ghost – not to mention all the drama with Caleb, now stands up and sings this with confidence. I like to think that this is him saying goodbye to his friends and especially encouraging Julie, telling them (and himself) that it’s going to be okay.

Whatever happens, even if I’m the last standing

I’ma stand tall, I’ma stand tall

My sweet boy Reggie... He was so scared about never seeing his friends again after crossing over so him singing this makes me so sad because it’s almost like he’s preparing himself to be ‘the last standing’ on the other side but he makes the decision to be brave and face his fears head on. 😭

Stand tall

Julie, Alex and Luke all echo Reggie because they feel the exact same way, expecting to be separated forever after this performance, but they each tell each other to’ stand tall’ no matter what.

Whatever happens, even if I'm the last standing

I'ma stand tall, I'ma stand tall

Whatever happens, even when everything's down

I'ma stand tall, I'ma stand tall

I gotta keep on dreaming, ‘cause I gotta catch that feeling

Whatever happens, even if I'm the last standing

I'ma stand tall, I'ma stand tall

They’re all singing together until the final note which Julie sings alone because she truly will be the last standing after they take their bows. I also think it’s because the boys love her so much and really want her to get the credit that she deserves, especially since they believe they won’t be around to perform with her anymore. So they let her hold that last note – really showing that SHE is the star of the show. They are HER band but she should get the last note of their final performance.

And thus ends my tired, shower-induced, emotional analysis of Stand Tall. I hope my points were coherent enough and I haven’t repeated myself too much. Basically, I’m JATP trash and Stand Tall makes me cry.

#julie and the phantoms #julie and the himbos #jatp #jatp stand tall #julie molina #luke patterson #reggie peters #alex mercer

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resilientdolan · 4 years

Text

Drown (G.D) - part 12

A/N: IM SO SOFT FOR THESE 2 WTF, also the smut is badly written, bear with me pls bc smut ain’t my thing.

Word-count: 2k+

Summary: Grayson gathered up his courage and asked his Bumblebee to go to the prom with him, and ended up spending some private time at the beach.

T/W: a dash of smut (RLLY JUST A DASH)

Tags: @bingexdolan @grantsairforce @prettyboydolan @kyaaawritings @3ooda97 @baby-grayson @ryxgrantdolan @foxglovedolan @evergreendolan @goldenndolan @nikesbailey @soledadgray @sosweetgrethan @twinfinitydolan @333dolans

———————————————————————

“Hahah, so that’s what happened?,” A light giggle comes out of Bianca’s lips as she listens to Grayson speaking through the phone.

“Yeah! Like Isla tried to talk to me once again, but Ethan was like— ‘leave my brother alone’,” the other person talking with her replies, as a light chuckle escapes him. In fact, her giggle is lowkey contagious, it makes him laugh.

“Well, you do deserve someone better,” Bianca lips form into a smile, though she knows that he can’t see her smiling. It’s been 3 months since the night Grayson saved her from the abusive monster named Declan Hayes, and ever since that night where he promised her that he’d never leave, their bond grew even stronger than before. They haven’t said anything about making things official, but they’re definitely more than bestfriends. Everyone knows that.

“Fuck yes,” he replies briefly. Bianca remains silent as her mind wonders.

What if the better one for Grayson is her?

“Bianca?,” Grayson calls for her name, breaking the silence between them.

“Yeah?”

“Nothing, just making sure you’re still up. Or are you falling asleep?,” he guesses. It’s not a secret for him that Bianca is a fast-sleeper. She falls asleep easily anywhere, anytime.

Bianca take a quick glance at the clock on her nightstand, with her hand rubbing her eye. It’s 2 minutes to 12 am, luckily tomorrow’s Saturday. “I’m still up, a little sleepy, though, but I’ll be fine,” she mumbles sleepily.

Grayson’s smiles grow a little wider as he listens to her sleepy voice. He knew it. His mind wanders, thinking about sleepy Bianca laying in her bed, struggling to keep her eyes open to talk to him. God, she’s the cutest.

Grayson glances over at Ethan, who’s laying on his bed with his phone in his hand, scrolling down through his messages to text Mabel, the girl that he has been talking to for the past 2 months. It’s obvious that Ethan’s so into her that he stays up late lately only to text her, or sometimes to talk to her through the phone. His other hand is grabbing 2 prom tickets, obviously for him and Mabel.

One crazy idea comes into his mind out of nowhere.

“B—Bianca?!,” Grayson pretends to stutter as he calls for the girl one more time. Bianca, who’s slowly falling asleep on the other line, quickly opens her eyes the moment Grayson calls her name.

“Gray? Are you okay?,” Bianca frowns.

It works. Grayson smiles to himself as he goes on with his own scenario.

“I—I need you to save me,” he tries to hold himself back from laughing. He can clearly picture her sitting on the edge of her bed, wondering about what’s happening with him.

“Grayson?”

“Bianca, s—save me...”

“Save you from what?”

“From...”

“From what?! Grayson, what’s happening?!,” Bianca nearly cries. He really got her good.

Feeling bad for scaring her, Grayson takes a deep breath, leaving her wondering in complete silence.

“Grayson are you there?!,” Bianca yells once again.

“I—I’m here, so... I—I need you to save me from...”

“Tell me,” she whispers, her voice is shaky.

“... Save me from going to the prom alone, Bumblebee, please? Will you?,” Grayson tries to speak in the calmest way as he can.

Another silence.

“... Fuck you, Gray. Fuck. You.” Grayson can hear her grunting on the other line. Hearing her grunts got him bursting into endless laughter.

“You scared me! The fuck, Grayson?,” a deep sigh comes out of Bianca’s lips as she throws herself back onto the mattress.

“Look, hey, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, but I mean it,” Grayson coos. He feels bad for giving her panic attack. “Bianca, baby, will you?,” he asks once again.

“Grayson, say sike right now,” Bianca sinks her teeth into ther lower lip, though deep inside, she thinks she’s about to melt.

“Bianca Reine, my Bumblebee, will you save me from going to the prom alone?,” he repeats once again.

“Grayson?,” this time, Bianca calls for his name.

“Yeah?,” he replies, pretty anxious about her reaction.

“You know— I don’t want to be rude, but prom isn’t really my thing...,” Bianca sighs once again.

“Oh...,” The smile on his face slowly fades away as he listens to her answer. “So, you’re not—“

“... unless I’m going with you, Grapeson,” Bianca quickly cuts him off, followed with a light giggle.

Grayson’s smile quickly makes its way back to his face, and even grows wider than before. “Now sleep, Bumblebee, I know you’re tired, and it’s late for you,” he says.

“You know me way too well sometimes,” Bianca yawns. “I’ll talk to you once I’m up, yeah?,” she tucks herself in as she speaks.

“Goodnight, Bumblebee,” Grayson whispers. “I love you.”

“I love you too, Grapeson,” the sleepy girl replies.

Grayson waits for her to hung up in silence, but “night, Grapeson” isn’t the one that he gets. Instead of a goodnight, the only thing he gets in return is the sound of her soft snore. She fell asleep before she even got the chance to end the phone call.

“I love you, Bumblebee, I really do,” Grayson whispers once again, hoping his own sleeping beauty hears him in her sleep.

———————————————————————

“You look beautiful, Bumblebee. You really do,” for the millionth time, Grayson says it once again. His hand is rested on Bianca’s cheek as he keeps his gaze on hers, admiring the beauty sitting beside her.

There sits Bianca, wearing her light blue spaghetti strap mermaid dress, on the passenger seat of Grayson’s Porsche. Her dark locks that she usually ties into a messy bun, doesn’t make any appearance tonight. She got her hair waterfall-braided, which makes her looks completely different tonight.

Here they are sitting in Grayson’s Porsche, at the beach, once again. The place where they confessed their feelings for each other that night. They left the prom an hour ago, like— who cares about prom night as long as you got your favorite person with you?

Bianca’s cheeks turn pinkish as Grayson compliments her once again. Her hand makes its way up to the top of his head to toy with his short hair. “And Grapeson in a suit? You look so, um...,” Bianca pauses for a while, struggling to find the right word.

“Hot?,” Grayson teasingly whispers in her ear as a sly smirk comes across his lips.

Bianca spats his hand away from her cheek as she laughs. “Ew, Grapeson,” she shakes her head.

“What? You don’t want to admit it?,” he gives her a cute pout as he pretend to be sad.

“Okay, okay, maybe a bit,” Bianca squints her eyes as she replies, thinking about the possible reaction that he might give.

“A bit? You do know that your skill in lying is so damn bad, right?,” Grayson arches his brow just right before he starts to attack her face with soft kisses. Both of his arms are now wrapped around her waist to prevent her from escaping.

“Graaaaay, it tickes,” she tries to pull away, but Grayson notices her attempt that he tightens his arms around her. “Okay, okay, yeah, you’re hot, now let me go, please?,” she begs. So Grayson stops as soon as he gently pecks her lips as the final kiss.

“Can’t help myself, you look like an angel, Bumblebee,” he snickers, replied with a giggle from Bianca.

Grayson’s phone beeps, and he quickly pulls it out of his pocket to check for the notifications. It’s Ethan.

E: “bro, where ya at?”

G: “the beach”

E: “at what time did you leave? smh you didn’t tell me”

G: “an hour ago?? sorry, needa little time with my Bumblebee away from the crowd”

E: “‘my Bumblebee’? i see what you did there 👀”

G: “shut up”

“Gray?,” Bianca calls for his name.

“Yeah?,” Grayson quickly answers, but his fingers are still busy typing the message.

“Grayson?,” she calls once again. This time? Grayson puts his phone down to shift his attention back to her, but as soon as his gaze meets hers, his lips part into an o.

There sits Bianca, with her dress straps down, trying to reach her back to unzip her dress. “Can you help me with this?,” she looks up at him innocently.

“Bianca, w—what are you—“

“Um...,” she pauses, her cheeks are redder than before. “I heard that some people be— you know—,” she speaks nervously.

Grayson sinks his teeth into his lower lip to hold himself back from laughing as he tries his best to pay attention to her explanation.

“They have— y—you know—,” Bianca stutters once again.

“I thought you’re not ready for that? The last time that piece of shit asked you to do it with him, you cried, and you told me that you’re not even ready,” Grayson hums.

“No! No! It’s... different. Wait— you don’t want to?,” she frowns.

“I didn’t say that, I’m just making sure, Bumblebee. The last time we talked about this, you told me you ain’t ready,” he shakes his head. “Or maybe you want to save your virginity for marriage?,” he teases her once again.

“No, it’s just— I want this night to be remembered, Gray. I want it to be special, and—“

“Okay,” he quickly cuts her off as he takes his suit jacket off. Then his hands quickly move up to untie his tie, and throws it to the backseat.

Bianca bites her lower lip as she watches him doing so. In a quick motion, Grayson pulls her onto his lap, and rests both of his hands on each side of her waist.

God, he’s having an angel on his lap, and that angel is Bianca Reine; his Bumblebee.

Bianca awkwardly rests her palms on his cheeks, cupping them lovingly as she rests her forehead against his. Grayson emits a light chuckle as a reaction before he adds, “Bumblebee, it’s okay, it ain’t a fucking Biology exam, calm down, don’t be nervous.”

“J—just go slow, okay? Grayson, this is my fir—“

“Shh, hey,” Grayson coos as he takes her hand in his, gently drawing circular pattern on the back of her hand to calm her down. “I’d spend the rest of my night with you. Chill, we have a lot of time,” he whispers, just right before he attaches his lips onto the skin of her neck to nibble on it gently.

“G—Gray...,” a light moan escapes Bianca’s lips as she tilts her head aside for a bit to give him more access.

Grayson hums softly as his hands quickly makes their way to the back of her dress to unzip it. As soon as it’s completely unzipped, Bianca pushes it down until it reaches the level of her waist, leaving her upper body exposed to her bestfriend. Grayson continues to suck on the skin of her neck, but this time he moves his hands back to her fore part. He gently cups her breast as he continues to tease her.

“S—shit,” she whines. Grayson gently brushes the pad of his thumb across her perky nipple as he pulls away, to find her sitting on his lap with her upper body fully exposed.

“Jesus Christ, Bianca,” he mumbles. “You look so fucking perfect.”

“You think so?,” Bianca whispers, her hands making its way to his chest to unbutton his shirt.

“You have no idea how much I’ve thought about having you like this with me,” Grayson move his hands up to rest them on each side of her neck. “You have no idea, Bumblebee.”

“I trust you more than Declan, Gray. That’s why I’m yours tonight,” Bianca nods as she eagerly yanks his shirt off.

“You trust me?,” he smiles for a bit.

“I trust you, with everything that I have,” Bianca nods once again.

Grayson smiles and pulls her in to plant a passionate kiss onto her lips, and she eagerly returns the kiss. As soon as they break the kiss, Bianca glances down at him, with a thin smile on her lips.

“Make love to me, Grayson. I want this night to be remembered, forever.”

“Gladly, my Bumblebee.”

#grayson dolan #douche!gray #grayson blurb #grayson dolan fic #highschool!gray #tgabs'write #grayson dolan x oc

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straycat-writes · 5 years

Note

helo can i have some hc’s of dazai finding out his s/o is pregnant when she’s been tryna keep it a secret bc she didn’t know how he would react? pls n ty 💞 btw i love your writing sm i appreciate everything u do for us

[Aaaaa thank you so much 🥰 I know you said hcs but…well, I have nothing to say in my defense.]

We Always Do (Osamu Dazai)

Warning(s): None, really, but idk, this feels a little heavy…

You sat on the edge of the bathtub, elbows propped on your knees and hands holding your head. A shaky exhale escapes your lips as you stare unblinkingly at the pregnancy test lying on your lap. It showed two red lines.

What now? The small voice at the back of your head seemed to ask. You could feel the panic rising up in your throat like bile, as you thought of how Dazai might react. None of the scenarios that played out in your head ended good. You don’t blame him, honestly. You’re both young, and hadn’t even thought of having kids in the near future, if at all. And despite how much you loved him, you had to admit Dazai doesn’t really seem like someone who would be thrilled at the idea of being a father.

“Babe?” You hear him call out from outside the bathroom door, “You’ve been in there for quite a while now. Everything alright?”

“Y-yeah.” You manage to say, “I’ll be out in a minute.”

So, you got up, trying your best to suppress the urge to break down crying, and threw the test in the trash. For the time being, you decided, you would sweep the matter as well as your feelings under the metaphorical rug, and behave as if nothing happened. You washed your face and put on your best smile, before opening the door.

Dazai looked up from where he was lounging on the bed and blinked at you, “Is something wrong, sweetheart?”

“Not at all.” You smiled as you went to sit beside him.

He pulled you onto his lap and lightly kissed your cheek. “Are you sure? You look a little pale.”

You sighed and nuzzled further into him. You suddenly felt very cold and Dazai held such a familiar warmth, it almost made you cry. “…Don’t worry about it.”

Tired. You’re always so tired. You put your head down on your desk and close your eyes, all surrounding sounds from the office fading into blurry radio static. You didn’t know the fatigue would set in so quick.

“…/n)?…(Y/n)!”

You shot up straight in your chair and blinked disorientedly, only to see Yosano looking at you with concern, “Are you okay? You don’t look so well.”

You waved a hand and smiled faintly at her, “I’m fine, don’t worry.”

She gave you a skeptical look, “Maybe you should go home. Should I call Dazai?”

“No, no, I’ll find him myself.” You said as you get up, fighting another bout of lightheadedness.

Earlier that day, a client had come in with her toddler. As Kunikida and the president talked to her, Dazai had busied himself with the child, finding the toddler much more amusing than the case the mother presented. Seeing him in such good spirits, amusing both himself as well as the child, had given you some hope and you had thought maybe, just maybe, you could tell him and it won’t end in disaster. But as soon as the client had left with her kid, Dazai had flopped down on the couch, complaining about how kids are so much work and definitely ‘not his cup of tea’.

At the time, you could only sigh and agree with him, but you could feel your heart shattering in your chest, more than it already had.

You exchanged some words with Dazai when you found him, you don’t remember what, but he gave you worried look before taking you back home, to the apartment you shared. As soon as you set foot inside, you shook off Dazai’s hand from your waist, that had been keeping you steady until now and rushed inside as fast as you could, crashing into the bathroom. You barely made it to the toilet before you threw up, your stomach emptying itself of everything you had consumed since morning.

As you retched, you could feel Dazai rush in behind you. He crouched beside you and held back your hair, rubbing your back gently. After dry-heaving for a few more seconds, you slumped back, drawing up your knees and burying your face in them.

The two of you sat there in silence for a while, one of his arms draped on your shoulders, before you finally regained some semblance of your wits. You shook off his hand once more and got up, making your way to the sink to clean up. Dazai followed you.

“Belladonna…?”

Not trusting your voice, you ignored him as you finished cleaning up, lastly washing your face with water. You didn’t look at him as you turned around, you couldn’t bring yourself to, when you were barely preventing yourself from crying. What would you even say?

He caught you by the wrist, “We need to talk.”

Four words. That was all it took for you to break down then and there. Dazai pulled your crying and shaking form into his arms, and it was a good thing too, because otherwise you might have toppled over. Even as he gently stroked your hair, he didn’t say anything. Once he saw that you had quieted down enough to talk, he held you by the shoulders and looked at you, “Tell me what’s wrong.”

You took in a deep, shaky breath. Oh, well. You couldn’t have kept it from him forever, anyway. “I’m…pregnant.”

He let go of your shoulders as if he had been burned, face immediately going from concerned to blank. In the pin-drop silence that followed, his eyes remained fixed on you, but he didn’t really seem to be seeing you, or anything at all. And the longer he didn’t say anything, the further your heart sank.

“Dazai?” You say softly, cautiously touching his sleeve, “Say something, please.”

Your voice seemed to pull him back to reality and he blinked, before finally looking at you, for real this time. He raised a hand and you almost flinched back, screwing your eyes shut. But nothing happened. Only when you felt the back of his fingers lightly caress your cheek did you gingerly open your eyes.

There was hurt written all over Dazai’s face, and for a moment, you thought maybe this broke his heart more than it ever broke yours. “Why didn’t you tell me?” he asked softly.

“I was…scared.” You say, swallowing hard, “I didn’t know how you would take it, thought you would probably – “

“Leave you?”

Your breath hitched and you nodded. But try as you might, you still couldn’t read what he was feeling.

He sighed and pulled you closer to himself once more, resting his chin on top of your head. This is it, you thought, this is how we end. With a hug and a kiss.

“It’s okay.” He whispered, so softly that you didn’t catch it at first. Or maybe you did, but couldn’t believe it. How could it be okay?

But then he kissed your hair and said it louder, “It’s okay, belladonna. I’m not going anywhere.”

You pulled back from him a little and looked up at him with confused, red-rimmed eyes, “You’re…not?”

“I would never.” He shook his head, and you felt like bursting into tears once more.

You clutched the front of his coat to keep yourself steady, your grip so tight that your knuckles turned white, “Dazai…I – I don’t know what to do. I know you didn’t want a child. And – and – “

“Ssshh, it’s okay, it’s fine.” He said in a hushed, soothing tone, “It’s okay, don’t worry.”

You sighed shakily as you leaned into him once more, trying your hardest to make yourself believe him. Maybe it will be okay. You could feel his heartbeat where your face rested on his chest, steady like it always was., and you felt your resolve forming. It’s okay, we’ll figure it out. We always do.

#dazai osamu #dazai x reader #tw: pregnancy #scenario #bungou stray dogs #bungo stray dogs #imagines #bsd

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bigbrotherlouis · 4 years

Note

✨✨

hello lovely!! if it’s okay with you, i’m going to do a scene from the latest chapter of tried to keep myself from hurting bc i am proud of that one a lot!

Mitch tips forward again, determined to try again, and get stopped by the press of Dylan’s palm to his forehead.

“Mitch,” Dylan says, his voice shot through with something. “What are you doing?”

He blinks at him. “What the fuck does it look like I’m doing?” (i really went into this last chapter not wanting to do an happy ever after. like, yeah, they’re going to end on a positive bc i like those kinds of stories, but i didn’t want everything to be fixed by talking to each other. they still have stuff they have to work out, and i wanted it to be realistic)

There’s a pause. “Okay, fuck this,” he mumbles and shoves carefully at him, enough so Mitch tumbles back and he can stand. It’s a weird sense of deja vu, sprawled on the ground, watching Dylan fix himself up after rejecting him again. (parallels!) It aches in a way Mitch didn’t know still ached. He swallows hard.

“Where are you going?”

“Hotel.”

“Why?”

“I’m not doing this shit,” he says and pulls out his phone, tapping at it too quickly. (they both try to solve things mostly by ignoring them, and this is dylan doing that) His hands are shaking slightly. Mitch swallows again, the taste of Dylan still on his tongue, and his throat way too dry.

“Are you, uh,” he says, still aching. “Are you breaking up with me.” (this maybe was a little too obvious for mitch to ask straight up, but i think it made sense in context. the last time dylan did this, they broke up. it’s reasonable for him to think that history’s repeating itself)

That gets Dylan’s attention; he glances up from his phone to stare at him. “What? No.”

“Are you mad at me?”

“Yes,” Dylan says and then frowns. “No. I don’t know.”

“Okay, then why are you leaving?”

“Why are you trying to blow me on the sofa?” (i never know how to refer to blowjobs. it’s awkward for me every time.)

“Getting you to the bedroom seemed like too much work,” he says, too honest and too unthinking. Dylan levels a look at him. (this is less supposed to be flippancy and more supposed to be mitch not thinking. his brain’s busy trying to think through what’s happening)

“That’s not what I meant and you know it.”

He shrugs his shoulder. “You looked like you needed a blowjob,” he mutters and makes a face, nothing left in him to keep it away. (mitch in this fic has a history of trying to fix things with sex and this was him trying to fix the weirdness between them, or manage dylan’s mood)

Dylan stares at him some more and then sighs. “Just— hold on for a second.”

Mitch watches as he turns around and disappears in the direction of the kitchen, holding his breath until he reappears with another protein bar. He drops it on Mitch’s stomach.

“Eat that.”

“I’m not hungry.”

“Take a fucking bite, Marner.” Mitch obediently unwraps it and takes a bite, chewing quickly. (more managing) “You told me that you wanted to gargle bleach.”

“Huh?”

“Every time you suck a dick, you said you want to gargle bleach,” Dylan says and then nods at the protein bar. “For the taste.” (i really tried to make dylan attentive and and thoughtful in his own way and this was the culmination of that)

Mitch looks at what’s left in his hand, tastes the mild sweetness on his tongue instead of— well. “Oh. Thanks?”

“Why the fuck did you try to suck my dick?” (very delicate, dylan)

“Why not?”

“Jesus Christ, do you have to play so dumb? Or have you forgotten the massive fight we had about this?”

“I’m an adult, Dylan. I can do what I want.”

“Sure, but what if I didn’t want a blowjob, huh?”

“Dunno, dude, you were enjoying it for a while there,” (trying to balance dylan’s interest as someone who experiences sexual attraction with his refusal to make mitch do something he doesn’t want to do was really hard in this scene! i don’t know if i did it well, honestly, but i sure as hell tried. dylan’s still trying to figure out what boundaries are) Mitch tells him and finishes the rest of the protein bar, feels it settle uncomfortably in his stomach. “You were still mad and I thought it would snap you out of your sulking. I was wrong, apparently.”

“I wasn’t sulking.”

“Oh, yeah you were, bud. Big time.”

Dylan breathes hard for a second. “So, what? You decided to try and suck it out of me?”

“It was working until you got pissy.”

“I’m never pissy.” (they’re still young and dumb)

Mitch snorts, pushing himself into a better sitting position. “Sure.” Dylan looks down at his phone again and then moves, snagging his jacket and looking for his shoes. “Shit, wait, you’re still leaving?”

“I— yeah?”

“Because I tried to hook up with you? You, my boyfriend?” (mitch is also trying to figure out boundaries!)

“I’m still mad at you and I don’t want you throwing yourself at me as, like, some weird omega thing.”

“Weird omega thing,” Mitch repeats, testing the words against his teeth. (unapologetically one of my favourite phrases) “Okay.”

“You’re telling me it’s not?”

“I’m telling you that I’m an adult who makes my own decisions and I can do what I want.”

“Fine,” Dylan says and looks at him head on, eyes keen and sharp. “Did you want that?” (i really wanted to show dylan changing and learning through this fic and this is one of the ways i hoped it showed!)

“I wanted you to be in a better mood.”

“Not what I asked.” (okay, maybe it’s a bit much to ask hockey players in their early twenties to understand the nuance between wanting sex and wanting the outcome of sex, but it was an important point to make to the reader, in my eyes)

Mitch tries again. “You wanted it.”

“Also not what I asked,” Dylan tells him. Mitch thinks about it for a second and then drops his shoulders, sighing.

“I mean, does it matter?”

“Does it— of course it fucking matters, Mitchell. What the fuck.”

“You’re upset, I can make you feel better, it’s what I’m supposed to do. (something something we live in a society) So it doesn’t matter,” he explains, watching emotions cross over Dylan’s face too fast to catch fully. Dylan seems to settle on a determined sort of anger, mouth pressed into a tight line.

“Listen to me, no, listen. I don’t— I don’t care about the whole fucking omega thing, okay? I really don’t. I’m trying to care less about the alpha thing, but it’s me so it’s a little harder. (meaning, it’s really easy to give people grace sometimes while beating yourself up for the same thing. dylan doesn’t care about mitch being a good omega, but desperately cares about being a good alpha) But you? This? I care about you, as my— as my boyfriend, not as my fuckin’— omega, or whatever.” (there’s probably a whole other fic here about what omegas mean in this particular au but i will most likely not be writing it)

“Dylan—”

“Shut up, I’m making a point. I already told you, and I don’t know how many times I’m going to tell you again, but I don’t fucking care that you don’t like sex. You don’t want to have it, so we won’t, and you can stop feeling so fucking gulity about it. I can deal with my own dick and you can just leave it alone. Can you get that into your thick skull, already?”

Mitch is quiet for a second, waiting, but the anger doesn’t fade from Dylan’s face, from his body. “Then why are you so mad?”

“I’m mad because you just do shit instead of talking about it, or, like, asking, and I know I’m not one for talking about feelings, but shit, Mitch, at least I’m not trying to fuck my way into feeling secure.” (could he have said this more delicately? probably. would it have been true to character? no. also it’s nice and succinct, thanks dylan for wrapping that up so neatly)

“Hey,” Mitch says lowly. It’s the only thing he can make himself say.

“You don’t trust me.”

“I trust you.”

“No,” Dylan says. “You don’t. Which, like, it has to be earned n’shit, but that goes both ways, and I can’t trust you if you’re not going to be honest with me. I can’t trust you if I think you’re going to keep bulldozing over your own emotions to make me happy. Or, what you think will make me happy.”

“I don’t want you to—” He cuts himself off because he doesn’t know how to end that sentence, everything muddled in his brain. (this was where i thought about starting the whole “i’m scared you’ll leave me if i don’t want to have sex with you” argument but then decided it was too much for the last chapter) “You liked it, though.”

“Yeah, because I like sex and I think you’re hot, and there was not enough blood in my brain to understand what was happening right away. I’m sorry, though. I should’ve stopped you sooner.” (originally, they weren’t going to get as far as they did with the blowjob but it didn’t work to stop it any sooner, so i kept writing. this is also not an excuse necessarily but again: hockey player)

Mitch’s ass is starting to hurt, so he hauls himself up from the floor to sit on the couch again, twisted around to keep Dylan in his sightline. “I’m sorry too,” he says and tips his head up. “Are you still going to leave.”

“Depends,” he says warily. Mitch digs his fingers into the back cushion and hates the thought of him walking away.

“I’ll keep my hands to myself. (*selena gomez voice* i mean i could by why would i want to) C’mon, Dyl, we’re not going to see each other in forever.”

Dylan visibly hesitates, but eventually he drops his coat again, toes off his shoes, crosses around the sofa to stand in front of him, Mitch twisted the right way around. “Okay, fine, but I want to go to bed. I’m tired.”

“It’s still early,” Mitch says, just to be difficult. He’s tired too, bone-weary from the game and from the rest of the night, and he gives over his hands so Dylan can pull him up. (it’s about the hand touching!! the intimacy!!)

anyway this was a tricky scene to balance while being respectful of 1) where characters currently are 2) where they used to be and 3) where i wanted them to end up. so mitch defaulting to sex to make dylan feel better and dylan letting him fulfills point 2, dylan stopping them but only after he realises fulfills point 1, and agreeing to talk fulfills point 3! not sure if it was executed well re: motivations and reactions, but i definitely did my best :)

#angela #thank you!!#also fun fact you deleted after i sent this link to you #and i genuinely was worried i wrote something that pissed you off #i hope that was not the case!#fic talk #my fic #hockey fic #hockey bros #answered #selkiefinalist #signed sealed delivered

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transromanticism · 4 years

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random shawngus thought:

“let’s find the son of a bitch who shot my husband”

you can decide who says it 🙃

MADISON THE ANGST PLEASE SKKSKSKSK

okok but imagine it's 4.09 and gus has just come to the realization shawn was shot and is bleeding somewhere nobe of them know. first comes the panic and the fear, "what really happened to him? is he okay? of course he's not okay, he was shot, but how not-okay is he? it's shawn, he can find a way to get himself out of this. but it's shawn, he got himself in this and will probably make it worse. oh, god, please don't let them hurt him anymore". then comes the anger, "i need to find. i will find him, even if it's the last thing i do. i won't let whoever hurt my love walk out clean. may god have mercy on these men because i won't" yknow, peak protective gus, total bamf gus, the gus shawn knows very well, and tbh, is kinda scared for those two guys bc he knows if gus has anything to say, they'll end up with a bloody nose and black eye.

shawn & gus got together on 3.02, after the hs reunion, when they go back to psych to pick up something and gus questions shawn about his "he was voted most successful in hs, he would never date me" comment, and shawn answers sincerily, because frankly, even though he's scared gus will react badly, he's tired and he somehow has some hope, so he says what he means and what he feels, "i'm in love with you, always have, i think, and i haven't let myself hope that you would love me, like that at least, because you're too good" but gus just shuts shawn up with a kiss, and you can sort of imagine what happens next. and they don't really tell people about it, they keep it under wraps and all, for one reason or another, only henry knows, because of course he knows, and shawn told abigail when they met again and she asked him and he said he was seeing someone, and it skipped that it was gus, and goddamnit it's abigail, she would be happy for him wouldn't she? (she is, very happy for them). they have only been dating for a year and some more, but it's them, so they started calling each other husbands by month 2, and love of my life by month 6, and names like those have lost some meaning already because it's Shawn & Gus. but yeah, they love to call each other husbands.

and then shawn got shot, and gus got furious, and scared, and then even more furious. this was the day lassiter gained some huge respect for gus, because goddamn gus got really furious really fast of those guys. sometimes, gus got really close to crying, but then he started to think about shawn, and he would get taken over by pure anger, and would probably still cry, but also do everything and a little more so this would end soon. he hated not going with henry and lassiter after shawn's clues, and he hated when shawn called and he couldn't do nothing, and he hated when, during the car chase, the blueberry was too slow, and most of all he hates having to see shawn risk his own life like that. but he doesn't hate how he hugged shawn so tight he had to tell gus to losen up a little. from the moment that goddamn chase ended to the hospital, shawn has never been fussed over more in his life (but, like, he's not complaining, okay?). and from the moment shawn was admitted by the hospital to him leaving, gus has never refered to himself as 'shawn's husband' more in his life (and he's very excited for when he can say that and it be true true).

okay, i ended up talking more about shawngus getting together and i'm very sorry for that but know i pretty much just pitched one of my wips to you and it has way more of the "let's find the son of a bitch who shot my husband" (- guster, burton "gus", 2009) part than the they got together after the hs reunion part. (it always has a great portion of gus taking care of shawn and shawn reassuring gus it's all okay, but shhh)

#a: jmccarstairs #psych #psy: a friendship for the ages #i rambled so much so sorry for that #but i loved rambling about this and it gives me more reason to work on this wip too so thx !#*m: au #*m: psych #asks.txt

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miraculous-mare · 5 years

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Hi everyone! I'm Imbri, I made this sideblog earlier this month when I got super into MLB and DCU from a more fanfic-esque perspective and wanted to try my hand at fic writing. I've since been pretty sick and I'm only just getting better, so I wanted to throw some possible story arcs and headcanons on here so I could preserve them somewhere and hold myself accountable for writing them. If this gets long I'll make separate posts but for now enjoy my tired ramblings

1. To All the Vigilantes I've Loves Before (TALTBILB AU)

We're starting with a fluffier one bc I'm in that kind of mood. You know how in To all the boys Lara Jean writes her letters when she has a huge crush? To her, the letters are a way to immortalize that feeling, to preserve it forever. She locks her love away until she wants to acknowledge it again, preserving it and ensuring her feelings are never tainted by the reality of these people. I don't think Marinette would do that. No, Marinette gets too caught up in the rosy side of love, especially when she's younger. She doesn't need a constant reminder of the good things about her crushes, she needs to be reminded of the bad, of the harsh reality of these people. Young Marinette dives in too deep too fast with Adrien, ignores his character in favor of her fantasy, and she never forgets how much it hurt. So in a moment of clarity, when he tells her not to stand up to Lila and abandons her, she writes him a letter. It's not mean, or attacking, and she doesn't intend to send it (she still addresses and stamps it, of course, because she's extra like that, and makes sure not to seal it so she can reread it, but she plans to keep it locked away). It's just an honest reflection on how he's not who she thought he was. How her affection for him was toxic, how she can't go back to being the Marinette who's obsessed with him, but he will always be the first boy she ever loved. Loved, past tense. And she intends to keep it that way.

Luka is the next one to get a letter. She writes his in the middle of the night. She couldn't sleep, had randomly decided to design a new stage outfit for him, and was quite impressed with her work until she found herself coloring his eyes green and his hair blond. She stops herself before she adds black cat ears, but the damage is done. Mari realizes he had always been a distraction for her, that she was trying to use his affection to bounce back from heartache. She rereads her letter to adrien before taking out a clean sheet of paper. Luka's letter is about how she can't hold on to love or the idea of a relationship so as to ignore her feelings and her hurt. She writes about how she was lucky to make new friends when her class turned her back on her, but she was trying too hard to pretend nothing had changed. Luka was filling the void Adrien had left, and marinette knew that she couldn't fall back on her unhealthy habits. She mentions that she still loves Luka, of course she does, but not like that, never like that. The next day, she tells him, in no uncertain terms, that he means a lot to her, really, and she doesn't want to lead him on, but he's honestly just a friend. Luka smiles and hugs her and tells her that's fine, and they remain close.

Chat noir gets his own letter when she starts to see herself with him but he won't stop flirting. She writes that as much as she can get caught up in the daydreams of their superhero power couple, he never wants to give her space or let her figure anything out. When they defeat hawkmoth and she finds out who he is, she pens an short paragraph about how hypocritical it was of him to tell her to back off Lila and let things work themselves out while being so insistent in his relationship with ladybug. She puts all three letters into one envelope and seals it. She knows now she can never love Adrien, that she will never look at him the same. She's learned her lesson, and she wants to leave this chapter in the past.

As Marinette grows up, finishes high school and her Guardian studies, as she gets her business degree, the pile of letters only grows. But Mari has become too hurt, too cautious with her heart. Her letters, once testaments to her growth and maturity, are now filled with excuses. Too scared to let anything develop into more than a basic crush, she pens a letter every time she lets her guard down, every time she feels even a sliver of non-platonic affection for anyone, and stashes it away with the rest of her unresolved feelings.

When she pins Kim down for a second too long during one of their sparring matches, she writes that she cannot jeopardize their friendship. They train together less frequently after that.

When she finds herself laughing too hard at her seatmate's whispered jokes in Intro to Business, she reasons that they're probably a player and sits somewhere else from then on.

On a visit to Paris, she loses herself in Kagami's eyes and her letter is about how stupid it is to even try long distance. So on and so forth, until her letters are nothing but quick notes and her reasons become meaningless.

This post is too long so I'm gonna rush through the next bits I'm sorry. She finally moves to Gotham, opens up a little boutique, and ladybug accepts an invitation to join the League. Soon after, she meets the Robins (it's hard not to come in contact when everyone enjoys jumping off the same rooftops in the dead of night), and she has a new, albeit secondary, team/family (because of course they know each other's identities).

At this point, Marinette has over twenty letters, all wrapped in twine and stuffed into a small box she keeps at the back of her closet. Her kwami try to push her to date again, insist this terrible habit needs to be broken, but she insists she's fine alone. Most are okay with this, but Plagg and Trixx? Not so much. One day, while she's down in her Atelier in the middle of a fitting, they rifle through the box, pick out a single letter, and convince kaalki to (begrudgingly) open up a portal straight into someone's PO Box (p sure Plagg used cataclysm by himself once so it's possible. If not let's ignore that and pretend it is lmao). Tikki is not impressed, but she doesn't do anything to stop them either.

It's three days later when Marinette finds out it's missing, a flirty encounter with red hood sending her rifling through her stash for Jason Todd's name. She needs to remind herself that he's too much of a bad boy, too flirty, too dark, that she’s too close to the bats to ruin it with feelings. She decides she misplaced it until Jason stops by her flat two days later, letter in hand.

Now, Jason technically comes over to confront Marinette, but he’s not sure about what, exactly. she seemed to have liked him at some point, but was convinced it wouldn’t work out. Part of him wants to prove her wrong, part of him is wondering why she’s so mistrusting to have written him off so soon. Marinette, upon seeing her letter, panics, but she ends up having to explain everything. Jason isn’t sure if he should be more concerned that literal gods have decided to take her relationship into their own tiny hands or that she’s so scared of loving she’s got this stash of letters about nearly everyone in her life. Eventually he convinces her to pull them out, and Jason is so shocked by the sheer number of them that he almost wants to wrap her in his arms and show her that love isn’t all bad. Instead, he slips and offers to help set her up on dates, and before they know it they have a contract: he’ll plan a new blind date for her, with anyone from one of the open letters, every two weeks. She promises to go in open-minded and do her best to actually make it work. In exchange, he’ll model for her newest line (something she’s been begging him to do for ages). When she says the contract is all in her favor, he throws in that she can be his date to the Wayne Christmas Party at the end of the year. They shake on it, and the pieces begin to fall into place.

Cue six months of a heavily pining Jason setting Marinette up on dates she progressively wants to go on less and less. Cue them meeting for fittings and clothe designs in Marinette’s atelier and grabbing coffee together. Marinette starts to open up to the possibility of love, but with Jason, who’s obviously not interested or else why would he still be setting her up on dates? it’s all incredibly messy and complicated and a little angsty but just a ton of fun.

Idk I feel like this idea low-key sucks now that I’ve written it out so uhhh let me know what you guys think? I have other ideas but I’m gonna put them into other posts bc this is too long as is.

#maribat #mlb x dc #jasonette #to all the boys au #my writing #Imbri rants about fictional characters

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noblechaton · 4 years

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happy new years dudes!

this post is a sort of run down of my last year or so and rlly it’s just me rambling about my (sometimes gross, warning to all gross-haters out there (like me)) health issues so feel free to look past this

2020 was probably the single hardest most stressful year of my entire life so far and while some reasons are uh. kinda obvious. it sort of especially crunched down on me as it was the first year of my life where I had a persistent health problem for the entire duration

back near the end of 2019 (october 19th I think) I noticed this weird pain in my chest and it scared the heck outta me when it didn’t go away after a few days so I managed to get to go to the doctor for the first time in maybe an actual decade? to try and sort it out bc like on one hand my habits were(/are) bad and the day beforehand I’d been running on a horrid amount of sleep and my only food was bad fast food stuff for breakfast and dinner

anyway the appointments started coming after that as test after test cleared me of. well. anything. there wasn’t really anything weird found after a stress test or uh. this one test where they ran a wand over my body with some goo on it. idk what its called

so naturally I was really just totally lost bc the pain was still there up until around late january?? I think? my memory gets a bit hazy here bc so much had happened but I’m pretty sure that shortly after it faded away (mid february-ish?) I felt normal-ish but then had this awful headache that just straight up wouldn’t go away that lasted a month or so that got so bad I broke down and begged for a hospital despite knowing my bill was outrageous already but I managed to go anyway and got a CAT scan then and an MRI a few days later that turned up nothing again. legit nothing (aside from a kidney stone lol) and just like the chest stuff it faded

some time after that I got really shaky aches and pain sin my wrists and ankles that hurt super bad that I sort of didn’t talk about but at that point at least it was something I could sort of cope with and it eventually stopped after a while (I think this was bc of an antidepressant I was on that I just. immediately stopped taking as a result of the pain)

but eventually that gave way to what was the worst of it where I spent around 2 months being entirely unable to eat or drink /anything/. I mean anything at all. water of any sort, crackers, it all came back up and. really really sucked. I lost a lot of weight and struggled a lot and I still struggle to talk about this one bc it was so traumatic and I’m terrified of it coming back to this day (I still don’t eat or drink all the stuff I used to eat or drink and maybe never will. I almost entirely avoid dairy of all kinds now which might tie into my current problem??)

obviously I got multiple tests for this. two cameras down my tummy and an emptying study and all of which turned up.............nothing. nothing I didn’t already have anyway. nothing that could be causing it and then of course shortly after the last test, the one that I thought would definitively answer what was wrong with me,(the emptying one), I was so desperate for food that late one night I devoured some awful fried chicken from the grocery store in the middle of the night and fell asleep and the next day I could finally, thankfully sort of eat again. my dad cooked up salmon for me since it’d been in the freezer and I tried it and it mostly stayed down and then from there it stopped happening all together

this one still stresses me out and again I’m fucking terrified of it bc I still have no indication on what it is or was

but that brings me to the last month or two? (which is a good ~4-5 months? from that last thing I think. my perception of time is fucked and filled with me being pricked with fluids and stuff bleugh) which has been mostly this weird discomfort/pain in my left side that’s almost always there (but has faded sometimes) with the occasional awful discomfort uh. between my legs back there. and this awful burping habit where I taste the last thing I ate for a while

this one’s hard to pin down and I haven’t been to a doc for it (yet, I wanna go and get a colonoscopy and even asked about a stool test that one doc said no to?? and plus it’ll probably be even harder now than it was before) and I’ve been on various laxatives (started back when I wasn’t eating as not eating meant getting anything out was uh. difficult) that all sort of dipped in usefulness. lately I’ve been drinking a glass of prune juice every day or two and it seems to do the most help but it’s still there

now this is odd for me bc I’m not even sure I’ve been constipated or anything and there’s a few theories I’ve had that range from me having IBS to it being tied to my body recovering from 2-3 months of not eating or uh. removing waste. to suddenly doing it a lot (this is also my theory on the belching since my neck/throat used to hurt a shitload on account of all the acid and stuff coming back up but it’s sort of slowly felt less bad?). I also sometimes feel super zoned out and foggy but that might just be my bad sleeping

lately I’m sort of wondering if this is maybe all a neurological thing?? or maybe some sort of mental snap caused by stress from my life. it’s been hard for me to consider much else beyond a deep mental issue after so many tests ended up with good results

I’m not smart enough to know for sure but. idk. a year of nearly nonstop bodily pain no matter what I did (exercise, no exercise. eating better, eating worse, etc.) with every single possible test done beyond a select few providing no results has sort of left me as a terrified wreck without anywhere to turn and it just sucks. I’m tired of being so scared of my own body

and all of that on top of. y’know. everything going on in the world. it fucking sucks

last year was real fuckin bad man and I can only try and hope that this year gives myself and everyone else a reprieve at least. a moment to breathe and be consistently happy again. thank u guys for still hanging around me and enjoying the piddly amount of original content I put out.

I wanna do more for this acc since it, and you guys, got me thru a lot of this last year or so (I even got to see Glaciator in the hospital once lol) and I intend to start streaming myself playing video games over on twitch more often but I can’t make any promises rn. all I can do is hope to continue putting out even the dumbest of posts that y’all might get even a tiny laugh out of

#I needed to vent this post out I haven't talked about any of this in this much depth at all lol #a therapist would be a really nice thing to have. tbh.#till then I'll just keep typing into the blue site ig

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