#bc not only that’s her first time being in the surface she also hasn’t gone outside nor interacted with anyone in a long time

[swordmaid]

in my hc the noble houses of menzoberranzan operate similarly to the houses in ice and fire where they’re constantly feuding with each other but instead of trying to take the throne/control of the whole realm they’re all fighting for lolth’s favour instead. and because they can’t outright declare war on each other (forgot the reason for why they can’t exactly do that but iirc lolth doesn’t like it?? she loves the drama I guess) and if they rise too quickly lolth casts them down so they have to be cunning about it. not to mention if they stay too long in power and do nothing about it that also displeases the spider queen so the nobility’s game of intrigue is constantly moving and working both for self gain and for self preservation.

shri’iia also plays the game but more of a pawn than a player. she’s not born from any noble house (she’s actually a commoner). the only reason why she has any foot in the game is that she’s taken in by the matriarch of faen tlabbar - one of the houses who fervently worships lolth to the point of zealotry - when they’ve heard word that she—a commoner—have managed to succeed lolth’s trials and gained her blessing. lolth blessings are rare to come and making someone a paladin is even more rare so for a zealot house, that’s a a sign they can’t pass up. so, the house matriarch takes her in and keeps in a tower where she’s supposed to pray and train to lolth day and night. the paladin oath that shri’iia swears is both for lolth and her matriarch; she swears to punish the enemies of her mistresses and forever keep her loyalty to them. her matriarch’s word is an extension to lolth’s will, so to disobey her will be disobeying lolth herself.

and ofc shri’iia being born poor with everything to give and nothing to lose, who thought that there is more to her life than a merchant’s daughter, to be known by the goddess she worship and noticed by one of the most influential houses in the city, swears herself to that oath. she never regretted that choice not even when she’s kept in that tower in complete isolation with her matriarch being the only person she could interact with.

[inshelliesworld]

Buckle up. This is long.

Last night after dinner w/my fam I watched the SAG awards so I am a little behind on the conversation around the Chris Evans Clown Show Comedy Hour. However I read a couple of asks received by @nancydrewwouldnever about how he’s been looking like the Raggedy Andy version of his normal self these past few months and I couldn’t agree more.

I thought so watching the SMA videos People put out.

Back during my more naïve days, I just thought he was possibly exhausted and that could very well still be true. But after the rabbit hole I’ve been down for the past couple of months, I am of the opinion he's exhausted for a different reason than work requirements. Which is just that – my opinion: observation mixed with speculation.

I don’t think this RS – if it is rooted in PR like I think it is – was ever intended to last this long. From what I have gathered, the Netflix show and movie for which AB would have benefited the most having a lot of attention were originally supposed to both release in the first half of 2022. One or both were delayed, the show being very delayed -from first/second quarter all the way to the last quarter of the year. So not only did she lose out on a bump for the movie, but by the time her show finally launched it pretty much had already been axed by NF. So when Mr. SMA 2022 does the CP Marathon (horribly) with her, the only project she has going on at the time is hanging by a thread.

That's her fault for being lazy and entitled. A million golden opportunities were missed by her/her team, but I feel like Chris wasn’t going to sell anything very well anyway, as he likely was being pissy about this situationshit lasting so long. Which led me to thinking that “laser focus” press question was a plant to tie back to the earlier article BUT made me think it could possibly have been contrived as a way to signify the end of their "RS" had it gone to plan. The question would allow room for him to insinuate he was single again and “focused on finding the right partner” to “pour himself into” bc “awe, shucks, I’m just so unlucky in love…” 💀

BUT THAT CAN’T HAPPEN… he can’t signal the end of something that hasn’t yet been announced. So it looked to the viewer, and especially his fandom, that he was signaling his singlehood – and for his fans, to debunk the rumors flying around about his Lolita. NOW he has to stutter around and trap himself in word prisons and go take a quick pap sprint the same time as SMA announcement bc that’s when the show drops and do more photos and BS to sell the OVER year-long narrative when they were really prepped to do a 9ish-mos storyline. All the OG pics and scares (IMO) that were preemptively shot not only look slightly better but they also would have fit in with starting the RS storyline Fall 2021 and, if nothing would have been delayed, the end falling somewhere Summer 2022.

I think this is why he does such a shit job selling it. He struggles to sell intimacy anyway, but he’s not even giving it the ole college try bc he’s pissed off that it’s taken more time than he expected and dragging his feet. I mean…. All these rumors about the same chick for months HAS to have a negative impact on his harem, right?? 😂 Now she’s pissed that he’s dragging his feet – or maybe she wanted it to turn into more than what it is and he’s noped the fuck out – so she throws a hissy fit with the yoga cert mess, her mom’s pic, and her OF shower pictorial.  

It's possible had this not dragged along for this long, all the dirt that has surfaced RE: her and her sOuLMaTes being racist, antisemetic, fat phobic, basically all around horrendous ppl that has TANKED his image and lost him a good portion of his fandom would have maybe not surfaced. The mess would have been announced, been annoying, and been over before anyone cared enough to dig that much - or at least make that big of a deal about it, bc he would have been rid of her. I know that this dumpster fire mimics SS a lot but I think that Chris agreeing to a much shorter version in the beginning is why there are SO MANY pictures all at once. He probs didn't want to do this for the 2 years or whatever that SS committed to.

I think he has thrown his own tantrum of “I ain’t doin this shit anymore” and has left it to someone else to handle which is why he is AWOL from everywhere, including going out to dinner with his friend/castmates, and not doing his own SM anymore (I personally don’t think he’s posting anything at all right now himself). Seems he’s also made sure that he/his team control the mass narrative to the GP.

I think they’re riding this shit show out until the end, letting their teams do whatever they need to do. Even if she has the DESIRE to show up for anything like the Twitter reading (was she even invited? Was she wanted by her castmates/showrunners? Hollywood is show BUSINESS afterall so even if she wasn’t wanted she would be expected to show up to make good on production companies’ investments & save face?) the situations aren’t really going to be great for her. There would be – and SHOULD BE – backlash involving the discriminatory posts, which she obvs has no intentions of denouncing. IMO she should have done it anyway for her fans, but her not doing it goes a long way to prove her entitlement, lazy ass attitude, and ungratefulness. But from the looks of  those Star Power reports from IMDB that someone shared, it’s not her that’s hurting… it’s HIM. 🤡

He’s suffering greatly, which is also deserved, and he very likely knows it. It has taken a noticeable toll on his looks, his presence, his gait, and his energy. He looks like a shell of his former self bc he is. And he’s seemingly off licking his wounds until he can start his Chris Evans Redemption Tour.

I would like to put it out into the universe that my birthday is next month and it falls within their usual “drop” timeframe so it would be a fantastic birthday gift if March’s bomb was the BUA.            

[nick-close]

If continuing to ask about headcanons isn’t annoying, what do you imagine Morgan’s personality as being like and her dynamic with Glenn in pre-s1 time?

Not annoying at all!! I love talking about this silly little podcast so so much <3..!!!

I will say though, I don’t actually have that many thoughts on Morgan- because ultimately in my head, she’s a vessel for Glenn’s character? As much as I love some ladies with agency, Morgan DOES only exist for Glenn’s sake- which, I don’t think is a problem. She exists in of herself to be dead and to be loved.

BUT, if I WERE to give my thoughts on her personality pre-s1, I’d say she’s a very chill, down to earth dork. I base a lot on the phone call we have bc that’s all we get from her in Glenn’s timeline, but!! I think she’s the type of woman who doesn’t draw much attention- but if you know her she’s one of the best people you’ve ever met because of her non-judgemental kindness.

She’s not high energy, but she is full of joy in a grounded sense. Her light isn’t that of the sun, boundless and bright and energetic, but rather she’s closer to a farm plant with most of her hard work under the surface. She’s practical, she’s efficient, she’s hardworking and she sees the best where she can. She likes to have fun, she likes to love, and she likes to be free- but I think where Glenn talks about freedom like the ability to DO things and avoid responsibilities, Morgan views freedom as being allowed to exist without expectation. Glenn’s freedom is the car ride- Morgan’s is the wind in your hair.

Dynamic wise, I think it’s a classic situation where she’s had a lot of expectations in her life she’s had to meet, a lot of pressure- but he is so ultimately the opposite of that and it’s charming. He doesn’t take things super seriously- but if it’s important to her he will put in the effort. He IS the sun, he gives her energy and light and impulsivity she hasn’t had the chance to give into before- but ultimately he doesn’t mind relaxing on the couch talking about nothing all day either. I think they also just laugh together a lot? They find eachother funny, relaxing, and they believe in one another to the ends of the earth. Morgan is the one who helps with execution- Glenn will have wild ideas and it’s her who makes the plan.

They’re frustratingly in love- in my personal aus they were highschool sweethearts who ended up having a kid as teens by accident, which adds to the immaturity to me. I think Glenn views Morgan like the one who knows what she’s doing though, so when she’s gone he isn’t sure how to handle things. That’s also why he can sometimes push things onto Nick? Because his role is usually that of the enabler- he gives funny ideas, he chills you out when you’re stressed- but he isn’t the one who can stop and think critically on his impulses or plans. He knows how to listen- but only if you ASK him to listen first. Nick doesn’t know how to ask like Morgan did though.

[joshuaalbert]

can i hear the whole rant about remember me because HARD agree. especially because it’s literally 2 episodes after family…. like. come on.

god ok ok so. like i said in the tags i do think remember me is a good episode in a lot of ways, and is probably my favorite beverly one (bc she’s one of the ones who usually gets shitty focus episodes, but that’s not the point). that said, it absolutely does not do what it should logically do. losing wesley is the fear that kicks off this whole specific alternate reality, and yet somehow this episode is not about their relationship. and if you look at the show…nothing ever really is?

(this got long hold on lmao)

like what kicked this train of thought off off is the point in this first duty recap about the fact that they almost never let dr crusher be the central parental figure to her own son, and I’m inclined to feel like they were right about that. like yeah clearly some of it happened before the show or happens offscreen or whatever, but I feel like they almost never really have like….meaningful conversations in the course of the show. I don’t really feel like there’s anything Wrong with the interactions they do have but they’re almost always short, often surface level, and somehow every episode that should be about the two of them ends up being about picard’s dynamic with one of them.

with remember me specifically, it ends up being about picard to the point where most of her conversations are with him. her big fear at the end is picard disappearing. she already encountered wesley and now he’s gone. rip i guess. forget about the aforementioned fact that the fear of losing her only child and the last living piece of the husband she already lost was the reason this specific reality was created when the warp bubble hit. forget about the fact that, from a narrative perspective, this episode is set up to be About That. and then when she gets back she spends like 30 seconds hugging picard first (and then talking to the traveler lmao) before finally checking on her son that’s collapsed on a table. it feels like they went out of their way to not address the fact that wesley is in theory the most important person in her life.

idk man this episode drives me insane because it could have been a STELLAR opportunity to explore this mother and son relationship and delve into the complexities of it that we never really get to see, and then they just don’t do it because picard is more important (and because, with the exception of the trois, they don’t seem to think mother/child relationships can be as interesting and complex as father/child ones. and also because they never knew what to do with wesley). we could have had wesley as the last other person remaining! we could’ve had them working together on this, which is something we never really get because their knowledge is in different fields! we could have explored the degree to which theyre willing to trust each other! we could see how she feels about the ways in which wesley has matured over time and the ways in which he hasn’t, because he’s a genius who has dealt with a lot of things, but he’s also still a teenager with a lot of vulnerability who needs support from his mother! we could have ultimately seen her reaction to her darkest fear coming true! this could have been so good!!!! the version that I am imagining in my head rn is personal top 5 episodes material. god.

in general, wesley’s consistently defined by the parent he doesn’t have, and understandably so. it’s central to his narrative, and it makes for a compelling story. it just feels like he’s so rarely defined by the parent he does have, at least in any truly meaningful way, and if they’d taken this episode in the direction it should have gone, it could’ve done so much to fill in that gap.

[jean-kayak]

I Fell For You, No Literally

Summary: Your ex-boyfriend comes walking back into your life, causing a whole bunch of emotions to resurface

Pairing: Terushima Yuuji x black!fem!reader

Warnings: mentions of past relationships, like two handfuls of angst, real fluffy at the end, A LOT of dialogue at the end, Terushima being soft, brief mentions of sickness (like real brief), hurt/comfort, exes-to-lovers?, a huge misunderstanding, it gets really stressful at one point in this thing, implied past reader x oc, smut!, fingering (f. receiving), oral (f. receiving), unprotected sex, squirting, overstimulation, little bit of aftercare, Terushima has a dick piercing LMAO, domestic things, mentions of alcohol consumption (reader gets drunk), it’s basically an emotional rollercoaster, Terushima being suggestive *sighs* i think i covered everything

Word Count: 12,881 (BITCH im sorry it wasn’t supposed to be this long)

A/N: This was originally going to be apart of the writing event that I was doing, but this was really long, and it took me a little bit longer than I thought so I figured I would just do it separately. And also I tried to do fluffy smut, I don’t really know if I did that lmao. But anyways, enjoy! 

P.S.: I also gave the reader a name bc this is really long!

All characters are 18+!!

"I think I have more lights in the back, I'll go get them," your best friend tells you, and you nod as you continue to hang up the lights on the top of your shop.

Although you realize your mistake when you lean over, and the ladder starts to slip. "Shit," you whisper, and you feel your heart drop, fear coursing through your body as you feel the ladder going down and not stopping.

You squeeze your eyes shut, bracing for impact on the freezing cold concrete, but it never comes. "Oh, my God, are you okay?!" It's a deeper voice, and you open your eyes to see that you're nowhere near the ground and that you're in someone's arms.

You're still a bit shaken from the fear of the fall, but the voice and the scent are all too familiar and it brings you back fairly quickly. You look up and see a face that you never thought you'd see again.

"You know, I'd always say you'd fallen for me," he quips, and you roll your eyes as you try to squirm out of his grip. "Wait, where you going? I like holding you like this." You chuckle softly as you roll your eyes playfully, and he lets you down. "But seriously, are you okay?"

You release a deep breath. "Yes, I'm fine. Thank you for saving me, Terushima."

He takes a few steps closer to you. "Come on, baby, you don't have to be so formal with me." You scoff as you take a step back, fully taking him in.

Terushima Yuuji. Your ex-boyfriend. Your relationship lasted all through high school and your first year of college until things went rocky. You prefer not to think about the details, but you can't not think about how good he looks right now.

He's still blond, with the undercut, and piercings, and even through his winter clothes, you can tell he's filled out a lot since you last saw him. Matter of fact, how long has it been? Three, four years?

"Three and a half," you flinch slightly. Shit, were you thinking out loud? His eyes rake down your figure, and even in the cold, you can feel the heat course through your body. "You look good."

"So do you," you reply, not really knowing what to say. How are you even supposed to talk to your exes? You've had others besides him, but you haven't made contact with them since you called it off.

There's a weird tension in the air, and you don't know what to say to break it, but luckily Kiya comes out of your shop, her eyes widening when they land on Terushima. "Oh, now, this is a surprise," she says, smirking as she looks between the two of you. "What brings you here?"

"Oh, you know, just being her knight in shining armor and catching her from falling off the ladder," he tells her smugly, and she looks at you in horror.

"Via, what did I tell you about doing things on the ladder without me watching you?" she scolds, and you shrug as you kick at the ground.

"I'm sorry, okay? And besides, I think that's enough lights for the front don't you think?" you ask, looking at the front of the shop to take in your work. Kiya follows suit, taking in the lights.

"Yeah, they look good. And I would tell you good job, but you almost killed yourself in the process." You roll your eyes again as you scoff. "Thank you, Terushima," she says, and he waves her off.

"Any time." So he still has that smug, confident personality. That hasn't changed much. You clear your throat as you gesture to the door.

"Well, I should probably open up shop. Thank you, Terushima, I really appreciate you catching me."

"C'mon, what'd I tell you about the name?" You tilt your head as you raise an eyebrow.

"See ya around, Terushima." And you're walking through the door.

Kiya comes in behind you a few seconds later, and you just brace yourself for the conversation that's about to happen and is going to last at least twenty minutes. "Holy crap, he is still hot as hell." You sigh as you put on your apron. You don't respond, and she knows you're agreeing with her, so he continues talking.

"No, Kiya, don't even go there."

"What? What's wrong with rekindling the flame, at least a little?"

"You remember how we left off," you remind her, and you see her wave you off before washing her hands.

"Okay, that was a few years ago. People change."

You scoff. "Yeah, I doubt he's changed." The conversation is quickly put to bed as people start to come in, and you submerge yourself in your cooking.

This week was your shopping week, but Kiya had family things so you're at the store by yourself, collecting a ton of food to stockpile for the shop. You feel a headache coming on as you cross out another item off the list, your vision full of lines every time you look up from the crumpled piece of paper.

You also have to carry and put all of these groceries in your car, and you want to whine in annoyance, that headache starting to beat behind your eyelids, and the cold isn't helping either. "You look like you could use some help, m'lady." You sigh heavily, recognizing the voice immediately.

"You're not following me are you, Terushima?" you ask, playfully, but a part of you is serious.

"Of course not, but it seems that whenever you're in trouble, I'm always around." You let out a surprised laugh, but you don't turn your attention to him, keeping it focused on putting the groceries in your car. "Let me help you," he offers, already moving to grab a bag, but you stop him.

"I got it, it's fine. Thanks anyway," you quickly tell him before catching your breath and starting again.

"Via, seriously, let me help you." Your movements falter at the nickname. Even though everyone calls you that, it always sounded different coming from him. You want to scoff at how easily your body reacted to it. You don't have the energy to fight, so you scoot over, giving him enough room to help pile the bags in your car. "So, you have your own shop," he starts, and is he really trying to make casual conversation right now?

"Yeah, I do," you respond, deciding to partake in whatever this is.

"American, right?" he asks, and you hate how he still remembers, and you drop the bag into your car a little bit more aggressively.

"Yeah. We have Japanese as well, but Kiya knows more about that than I do." He helps you put the last bag in, closing the trunk shut and returning the shopping cart.

"Well, that's great. I'm happy for you," he tells you when he gets back, and you nod as you purse your lips.

"Thanks." And there's that awkward tension again. Why was he trying to act like everything was normal? Why is he talking to you like nothing happened between you two? "Listen, Te--" You're cut off by his phone ringing, and he quickly fishes his phone out of his pocket and grimacing when he looks at the screen.

"I have to take this, uh--"

You cut him off with a wave of your hand. "Go ahead, it's okay. Thanks again," you say, quickly signaling the end of whatever this conversation was. You don't give him another look, turning around and getting into your car, thankful that it's still warm. You crank the car up and you look out the window as you do, seeing Terushima walking away on the phone.

You rest your forehead against the steering wheel. What are the fucking chances that he out of all people would walk back into your life? You take another deep breath. Thinking about it too much will only make your headache worse. You give him one last glance before driving off, hoping that you're actually getting away from him this time.

~

"You saw him again at the store?" Kiya asks, her eyes wide as she sits up on the couch. You roll your eyes from exhaustion as you stab your fork into your takeout.

"Yes, he said it's like whenever I'm in trouble, he's always around." You stab your food again, but you don't know if it's out of annoyance or anger this time.

"Okay, Via, come on, this is like a sign, isn't it?" You give her a look before shaking your head. "Why not?"

"Kiya, you were there through all of it. He's...he's not--he's probably still the same," you say, trailing off quietly, and Kiya's face turns into concern as she finally sees that the hurt you've tried to push back down is now coming to the surface. She moves closer to you on the couch before wrapping an arm around you, pulling you into her.

"You're right. I'm sorry, I just thought, maybe this one could be different. Different from those other douches you were seeing." You huff slightly, a smile forming on your face as you remember everything she said about what she didn't like about every last one of your exes.

Some of them were just flings, others could've easily gone further, but they always broke it off. You don't really know the reason, but you've sort of come to terms with it. Maybe dating just isn't your thing right now. "Yeah, I know," you say, burrowing yourself further into her embrace. "It's just, I don't know, what if it happens all over again?"

"If that does happen again, then I'll actually kill him this time." Both of you laugh at her words before she speaks up again. "But, all that aside, it's up to you what you want to do. Don't listen to me, I'm just the crazy best friend."

Your smile grows wider. "Crazy, you definitely are."

"Hey!" she says, shoving you away playfully, and you both dive back into laughter as you finish your takeout and the cheesy rom-com playing on the TV.

You sigh as you wipe off the bar counter, the shop quiet due to the fact that you're about an hour and a half from closing. You usually enjoy the serenity, grateful that it's not a rush like it is during mid-morning, lunch, and dinner. Around this time, you and Kiya usually get a chance to sit down and take a break.

You finish scrubbing off a stubborn stain on the counter when you hear the door open. "Welcome, I'll be with you in a moment," you greet out of habit without even looking up as you turn around to throw the rag into the sink.

"The place looks great." The familiar voice almost makes you stop in your tracks, but you recover quickly, wiping your hands off on a towel before turning to see Terushima sitting in the middle of the bar counter. You walk over to him, standing right in front of the counter, feeling like the counter isn't a big enough gap between the two of you.

"Thank you," you tell him honestly as you plant your hands on the edge of the counter. "What can I get for you?"

He smirks at you before he answers. "We both know you already know what I want," he says confidently, and you want to punch yourself because of the fact that you still know what his favorite food is even after you've been broken up.

"Coming right up." You turn around quickly, getting started on his order so that you can get him out of here as fast as possible before Kiya can see him. Unfortunately, that isn't the case, and she comes waltzing in from her office, her eyebrows raised high.

"Oh?" she starts, her voice a whisper. "What's he doing here?" she asks, and you shrug.

"I dunno. He just walked in here like a few minutes ago." You turn your head to look at him over his shoulder, and you see that he's taken off his coat and rolled up his sleeves. You notice that he's got a tattoo on his left arm that snakes all around his upper arm. Yeah, he's definitely gotten bigger since you've last seen him.

He looks up from his phone, catching you in the act, and he smirks at you before flexing his muscles, and your face heats up quickly, your head turning back to what you're doing. "He actually ordered something?" Kiya asks playfully with a huff, and you return it as you flip the patty.

"Yeah, I was surprised too. I thought he'd be here to bother me again," you admit.

"Which is what you would've wanted, right?" she teases, and you shove at her which makes her laugh, and yours soon follows.

"You guys talking about me?" you hear him speak up, and you roll your eyes with a scoff as you glance at him.

"Yeah," Kiya starts, "we were talking about how we could've closed up early if it weren't for you," she tells him, and you chuckle softly as you continue cooking.

"Well, I had to try the food for myself," he responds, and Kiya hums as she nods, obviously believing that he's not telling the entire truth. She starts to walk away back towards her office, but not before she nudges you softly, wiggling her eyebrows at you. You give her a look before waving her off.

Once she's left, you shudder lightly, feeling his eyes on you. You know he's watching you and everything you're doing. His eyes never leave you, watching you as you move along through the kitchen. You can't remember the last time you felt so heated under someone's gaze.

But you do remember that it took absolutely nothing for you to melt for him, and you internally shake the thoughts that are starting to pool into your head. You finish his food, sliding the plate to him softly, his drink following shortly. "Enjoy," you tell him easily, and he starts speaking before you can turn around.

"Thanks, but I think there's something that I want that's not on the menu." You roll your eyes, knowing what he's implying, but you play dumb anyway, leaning forward on the counter, resting your chin in your palm.

"Oh, and what would that be?" you ask, and he's leaning in, his face dangerously close to yours. He moves his eyes from yours to your lips before bringing them back up to your eyes. You feel your breath starting to pick up, your mouth falling open slightly, but you don't move away from him. You can't.

And then he's smirking at you again, and your knees almost give out. "You."

There's a knock on the door, and you let out an exasperated sigh that echoes throughout the walls of your apartment. You grab the baby currently sitting on the floor in the middle of your living room as another knock comes from the door. "I'm coming! Just give me a second!" you yell, your thin patience starting to disappear.

You walk to the door, yanking it open, getting ready to yell at whoever is presently throwing a monkey wrench into your day. "What are you doing here?" you deadpan, blinking a few times in confusion as you take in Terushima standing outside your apartment. "Actually, how do you even know where I live?"

He has the actual audacity to look sheepish as he rubs the back of his neck as he looks down. "I may or may not have gotten it from Kiya." You roll your eyes. Of course, it would be her. You really are going to kill her. Your niece starts fussing and you sigh. You really don't have time for this right now.

"If you wanna come in, come in," you rush out as you make your way back into your apartment. You vaguely hear the sound of the door closing and some footsteps, but you pay the sounds no mind as you set your niece in her high chair.

The first thing Terushima didn't expect when the door swung open was for you to have a baby in your arms. That alone almost distracted him from how you looked. Your hair was thrown together in a ponytail, curls falling out of it. Your shirt is covered in all kinds of stains, along with the sweatpants you're currently wearing, but Terushima thinks that you look amazing.

He slips off his coat and his shoes, throwing his scarf over his jacket before slowly making his way into the kitchen where you disappeared to. He takes in your apartment, the decorating and furnishing matching your personality to a T. The sound of fussing brings his attention to the baby that you were holding not too long ago, and he hears you speak.

"I know you're hungry, sweet girl," you say, opening the fridge. "What do you want?" you ask her even though you know she can't respond. Terushima smiles fondly as he sits down next to her, resting his arms on the island in front of him. "You want bananas?" You lift your head to look at her, and when she fusses, you try again. "How about peas and carrots?" Both her and Terushima's face screw up, and you smile softly as you turn back towards the fridge.

"Let's see," you bend over to look further into the fridge, and his eyes zero in on your ass before he snaps himself out of it. "Strawberries?" you ask hopeful, and when she laughs lightly, you smile before pulling out the container and warming it up with your hands as you bump the fridge closed.

You walk over to a drawer, opening it to pull out a small spoon before bumping it closed with your hip. The movement makes your boobs sway, and Terushima can't help but notice that he can see your nipples through your thin t-shirt. "Eyes up here, perv." Your words jolt him out of his spell, and he smirks at you as he shrugs.

"What can I say? They're nice tits." You scoff at his words, trying to fight the heat rising in your cheeks that he was checking you out, and it dawns on you how you actually look right now. You feel a little bit embarrassed, but the damage is already been done, and could you really blame yourself? You've been watching a baby all day.

Satisfied with your reaction, he turns to your niece, leaning forward to pinch her cheek softly, which makes her laugh. "And who is this pretty lady?" he asks as you smile at the interaction before walking to stand at the opposite side of the island.

"This is my niece, MJ." You set down the container of mushed food, taking off the lid before swirling around the food. You look up to see Terushima hold out a finger which she immediately grabs onto, and she smiles widely at him. "She seems to like you," you comment, feeling conflicted at the way your heart skips at their interactions. "You wanna feed her?"

You push the bowl his way, and he picks up the spoon with his other hand, his finger on his hand still being held hostage by your niece's hand. He feeds her with ease, and she even seems to be accepting the food a lot better from him than from you. "Do you think you could watch her while I get in the shower?" you ask. "I'll be quick, I promise."

"Yeah, go ahead. We'll be fine," he tells you without even looking your way.

"Are you sure?"

He finally looks at you after wiping some of the food off of her face with the spoon. "I'm sure, Via. I can handle it. Go do what you need to do." He quickly turns his attention back to MJ, and you quickly dart out of the kitchen making your way to your room.

You've been in the shower for about ten minutes, and the only thing Terushima keeps thinking about is the water running down your naked body, and he keeps shaking his head, forcing the images out of his head.

MJ's already eaten all of the food, and Terushima lightly presses on her stomach, seeing that she's completely full, and he looks around to see all of her toys in the living room. He finds the baby wipes, cleaning her up before he takes her out of the high chair and carries her to the living room.

He sets her down on the blanket you have out for her, and she immediately moves towards one of the toys as he sits on the floor next to her. Terushima's plan was mostly to bother you when he came over, and the last thing he expected was for him to be babysitting. He doesn't mind it though, he'll take any time he can spend with you. He'll take as much as he can in order to try to get you back.

He doesn't really know why he came to America, but part of him knows it was because of you. He knows that after you both graduated college, you moved back here and started your own shop. He hates how things ended between the two of you, and he wants to fix it, but he knows he's going to work hard especially because of how bad he hurt you.

He's been punching himself for three and a half years because of how stupid he was back then. If he could back in time and punch himself, he would curb stomp himself instead. He notices that he doesn't hear the water running anymore, and then he hears a door open. And he thought the clothes you had on before made you look good.

You walk out into the living room, your hair damp from the shower, and you're wearing a tank top and shorts, and he's glad you have a bra on this time. You're definitely not the same girl he dated back then. At all. "She wasn't too much trouble?" Your words jolt him out of his trance, and he forces himself to look at your eyes.

"No, she was not," he says, standing up before picking her up. He plants a small kiss on her head, but she's preoccupied with the toy in her hands to notice. "She was an angel." You sigh in relief, and Terushima moves her higher up on his hip. "Were you cooking something before I got here?" he asks, recalling something smelling really good vaguely filling his nostrils. Now, that smell has been replaced by your scent due to the fact you're standing so close to him.

"I was," you say, turning to walk into the kitchen, and he follows behind you while MJ smacks him in the face. "It was a new recipe," you continue, opening the oven. Terushima almost delays his response, his eyes zeroing on your ass again, but he manages to catch himself.

"New recipe for what?" he asks, and he's thankful when you stand up straight even though it's not that much better. When you set the pan down on the stove, you glance behind you nervously before speaking.

"It was a new recipe for cheeseburgers," you say, and he almost misses it, but he smirks as he walks around the island to stand beside you. You'd been keeping the burgers in the oven to keep them warm, and he looks down at them.

"They look really good," he comments. "You weren't thinking about me, were ya?" He has to jab at you, loving your reaction as you glare at him before looking down. "Can I try it?" he asks, and you nod before getting a knife to cut the burger in half. You grab a piece, bringing it to his mouth, and he puts the whole piece in his mouth, making sure to wraps his lips around your fingers briefly before pulling away.

The action has you feeling things that you shouldn't, and the moan he releases while he closes his eyes doesn't help either. "Oh, my God, that is amazing."

You feel your heart flutter at the compliment. "Really?" you ask softly, and he looks at you like you're crazy.

"Are you serious? This is the best thing I've ever tasted." He grabs the other half, stuffing it in his mouth before you can stop him. "Wow, you really are an amazing cook." You hate how easily your face heats up at the praise, and you just respond with a shrug. He reaches for another burger, and you grab his wrist before he can grab another one.

"You can't eat all of these!" you chastise. "I can make you some if you want me to." He uses the fact that you're still holding onto his wrist as an advantage, yanking his arm forward which causes you to bump into him. He barely moves, just wraps his arm around your waist, keeping you close to him.

"That sounds good. Thanks." You both lose yourselves in each other's eyes, time seeming to slow down as you feel your body going warm all over. God, you both missed being close to each other like this. You feel yourself starting to lean closer to him, your breaths started to mingle when MJ cries out, startling the both of you out of the spell you were in.

You jump away from him as you slightly shake your head. You did not almost kiss him. You quickly turn your attention to your niece, plucking her from his arm before walking back to the living room. Terushima sighs heavily as he puts the tray back into the oven, giving himself something to do to try to distract himself.

What would've happened if he had kissed you? Would you have kissed him back, or would you have pushed him away? He knows he's making some progress, but he doesn't know if kissing you would've ruined all of that. Do you want to kiss him? He sure wants to kiss you. He hasn't felt your lips on his in so long, and he wants to feel them so bad.

He forces those thoughts out of his head, and just as he's about to walk back into the living room, there's a knock on the door. "I'll get it," he tells you when he sees you about to stand up. He jogs to the door, and he opens it before almost being knocked down by two kids running past him.

"Boys, what did I tell you about that--Terushima?" The voice is filled with shock and confusion, and when he steadies himself, he looks at who's standing in front of him.

"Autumn?" he asks, and he steps to the side to let her in, closing the door behind him. "It's been a minute," he says, and she scoffs.

"It's been longer than a minute," she says almost in disbelief that he's standing in front of her. You walk to your sister with her daughter in your arms with your eyebrows raised.

"Aut, you wanna explain what this is?" you ask, gesturing towards the noisy boys running through your apartment. They run into your legs, both grabbing one, luckily you don't falter, still glaring holes into your sister.

"Auntie Via!" they both yell at the same time, Terushima wincing at the loud volume, and Autumn gives you a sheepish look.

"Look, something came up at the last minute, and I didn't know what else to do," she tells you, and you blink slowly.

"We have another sibling!" you argue, and she smiles at you.

"Yeah, but I don't trust him as much as I trust you," she says like that'll work, and you give her a deadpanned look. "I'm sorry, but I shouldn't be long, I promise. I owe you one," she continues, and you sigh as you roll your eyes.

"Fine," you give in, and she jumps up before giving you a hug on the side that isn't holding her daughter. She starts to head towards the door, and she waves goodbye to her kids, who really aren't paying her any mind, and she quickly slips out the door before they can see that she's leaving.

Your nephews are now focused on Terushima, prodding him with questions about his piercings and his tattoos. "I'm sorry about this," you tell him, and he looks up at you as he shrugs.

"I don't mind. I can stay if you want me to." He moves to go to the living room, but the boys jump on his legs, and he has to drag them to the living room as he walks.

"I can't ask you to do that," you say, smiling at him and your nephews.

"That's okay," he says, "You're not asking me. I'll stay," he concludes before sending a wink over his shoulder.

~

Turns out Autumn's "I won't be long" turned into five hours. Yeah, she definitely owes you. You're thankful that Terushima stayed, he was able to occupy the kids while you got stuff done that you had planned to do today. But you also hate how domestic it all felt, and it makes your heart do something weird. Like it doesn't know how to feel about the whole thing.

He even somehow managed to feed MJ while keeping your nephews distracted so that you could make dinner. You all eat in the living room, watching a movie that's more so for the boys, while MJ keeps herself entertained in her bouncer. When you all have finished, Terushima takes the dishes and even washes them before planting himself right next to you on the couch.

You notice that MJ is starting to get sleepy, she keeps rubbing her eyes and her bouncing is beginning to slow down. You grab her out of the bouncer, rocking her softly until she falls asleep. You're so glad that she doesn't fight sleep like her brothers did. You start to feel tired yourself, your eyelids feeling heavy, and Terushima seems to notice because he wraps his arm around you, pulling you into him.

You don't even fight it, his body heat pulling you further into sleep. As you're drifting off, you feel someone moving your arm, and you look down to see your nephews laying on either side of you and Terushima, laying down in your laps. You smile fondly as you rub his back before laying your head down on Terushima's shoulder. And before you fully fall asleep, you feel him kiss your forehead.

When Autumn uses her key to get into your place, she doesn't expect to see all of you asleep on the couch along with a questionable guy, but she can't help but smile as she pulls out her phone to take a picture. Once she's got them, she flicks your forehead. Your face scrunches up before you're blinking sleepily. "Oh, hey, you're back," you say, your voice filled with sleep. "Took you long enough."

She laughs quietly as she grabs MJ. "I know, I'm sorry," she whispers. "The twins weren't too much trouble, were they?" she asks, rocking her daughter back to sleep when she stirs.

"Then they usually are? No, not this time." You both exchange a soft chuckle before you carefully remove yourself out of Terushima's grip, not wanting to wake him, and you freeze when he shifts, but he just rolls his head to face the other way.

You help Autumn load her kids in the car, all of them still fast asleep. "I think they've only been asleep for about thirty minutes," you guestimate and she nods, but you know she wants to talk to you about the massive elephant in the room. You sigh. "Go ahead. Let it out."

"What the hell is he doing here? And in your apartment of all places?" You can hear a faint sound of disappointment in her voice considering the fact that you told her what he did to you and what led to your breakup.

You throw your hands up as you shrug. "I don't know. I didn't even know he was here. I found out when he caught me after I fell off my ladder." Her eyes go wide, and you wave her off before she can yell at you. "I didn't know he would be coming over here today either," you admit, and you sigh as you shove your hands into your jacket pockets.

"I just don't want you to get hurt again," she says, and you nod. "You've got nearly four years unaccounted for." You nod again, understanding what she's saying.

"I know, I know, but I don't know. He seems different now," you explain lamely, and you hear her sigh before you raise your head to meet hers.

"I know you don't want to hear a lecture from me, but be careful Via," she warns, and you nod firmly before moving in to give her a hug. "I love you."

"I love you, too. Text me when you get home," you tell her when you pull away. You watch her get in the car and drive off. You sigh again, watching the puff of air disappear into the chilly, night air before you make your way back to your apartment. You smile softly when you see that Terushima is still in the same position you left him in.

You take off your jacket, warming your hands up as you walk over to him. "Teru," you whisper, and when he doesn't respond, you tap him lightly. "Teru," you repeat, and you jump slightly when he grabs your wrist quickly, and he peels his eyes open.

"Your hands are freezing." You chuckle lightly as you see him look around. "The kids are gone?" he asks, rubbing his eyes with his palm.

"Yeah, my sister came and got them." He hums before he starts smiling widely, and your eyebrows come together as you look at him. "What are you smiling about?"

"You called me Teru." You feel your face heat up for the millionth time, and you scoff softly as you move to turn away, but he stops you, grabbing your wrist and pulling you towards him. He starts to stretch out on the couch, but you don't move, and he pulls you down with a little more force. "Lay with me," he murmurs, his body starting to drift off.

"You need to go home," you tell him, the nickname on the tip of your tongue, but you bite it back. He whines before pulling you down, making you fall onto him, and he traps you with his arms.

"I'll go home when I'm not tired." You chuckle again, situating yourself so that you're comfortable, and you notice that he's staring at you.

"What?" you ask, fighting the urge to shrink under his gaze. He brushes a strand of hair from your face before he rubs your cheek softly with his thumb, and you lean into the touch.

"You're just so beautiful," he whispers, and you huff as you look away, even your ears heating up at the compliment. "Hey." He turns your face so that you're looking at him again. "Can I kiss you?" There's something in your head that's telling you that you're already too deep and that doing this is a really bad idea, but it doesn't win.

You both lean in, and when your lips meet, you feel like you're back in high school, kissing him for the first time all over again. Tingles are sent all through your body as you sigh contently, and you feel yourself falling in love with him all over again. You know this is bad, but you can't bring yourself to care, blaming it on your fatigue.

He pulls away, a sleepy smirk on his face as he pulls you closer to him, your face buried in his neck. "Man, I've missed you so much." You feel your heart flutter at his words, and you're scared to respond with the same thing even though it's clear as day, but the soft snores filling your ears tell you that you don't have to worry about response right now.

Things seemed to do a complete one-eighty after that night. You thought when you would've woken up the next day, things would've been awkward, but to your surprise, you found yourself alone on the couch, and the smell of breakfast food filling your nose. He had made you breakfast, then sent you off to work with a kiss goodbye and a promise to call you later, which you wish you've would've let out when you were telling everything to Kiya.

"So, you guys are dating now?" she asks as she pours a cup of coffee for a customer.

"I don't know, I wouldn't call it that?" you say, unsure of where you both really stand right now. You serve two more plates to a table, and Kiya continues the conversation when you come back.

"But you guys have kissed?" she argues, and you respond with a shrug. "I don't know, from what you've told me, it seems like you two are back together."

"You don't sound very enthusiastic about it," you notice, and she replies with a pout as she tilts her head and you sigh. "Look, I know how things left off between us, but we'll talk about it," you try, and she holds her hands up.

"I'm not trying to tell you who to date or what to do. I just want you to be careful." You nod quickly at the repeat of words, and you really appreciate how much Kiya and Autumn care for you, and you smile as you nudge her.

"I know, thanks for looking out for me," you tell her, and she gives you a smile.

"Of course, that's what I'm here for."

Naturally, things are very prone to blow up in your face, and the blow-up happens about three weeks later. Everything with Terushima has been going pretty smoothly, both of you agreeing to talk about how things were left those years ago. He had been spending a lot more time over at your place, even more than you were spending at his. He'd been helping you babysit whenever your sister had to drop them off. It was like he had inched his way back into your life and planted himself there.

You decided to surprise him and make some of the burgers that he loved the first he came over. You can't help but bound happily to his apartment, the burgers in a plastic container, warm in your hands, and you finally get to his apartment, but just as you're about to knock, you hear laughing. Your hand stops midway as you lean in to put your ear against the door, careful not to alert anyone inside.

You assume it was the TV, but as you listen closely, you can hear Terushima's voice, but you feel your heart shatters when you hear a woman's voice coming from inside. You feel the tears forming in your eyes as you take in more of the conversation before you hear them erupt into laughter.

You finally find it in you to move, slamming the container on the ground before hurrying away from the door, your vision blurry from the tears. You were so stupid, so pathetic. You were so easy, that you fell for it. Again. And you thought that he had changed. You were dumb enough to think that things would be different this time around.

~

You don't tell anyone what happened, and you don't talk to Terushima. You don't even tell him what you heard, you just stop talking to him. It's not like you had time anyway. You and Kiya were hosting a Christmas party are your shop (her idea, not yours) and you barely had any time to really sit down and breathe. You both spent all day making the food, that you barely had time to sit down.

You luckily had enough time to run home and get in the shower to get ready. You came back just in time for the party to be in full swing, both you and Kiya's families here along with some friends. You've greeted everyone, and now you're just standing around, enjoying the atmosphere around you, while at the same time feeling a little bit insecure about the dress that Kiya made you wear.

It's a red sweater dress that's off the shoulder, but it hugs your body, stopping very close to the bottom of your ass with thigh-high boots. Why she had you wear this, you have no idea, but you decide that you're going to go change when she's preoccupied. "Via." You turn around, your heart dropping at the sight of him in front of you, and you hate how good he looks right now.

He walks closer to you, and his scent fills your nostrils, the way he fills out his suit should be illegal. "You look, wow," he says, shaking his head at a loss for words.

"Ridiculous, I know," you say, pulling at the hem of your dress and he scoffs.

"Gorgeous." You want to accept the compliment, but just looking at him makes you angry and upset at the same time. You mumble a soft thanks, and you're trying to find an excuse to get out of this conversation when he speaks up again. "You haven't been answering my texts or my calls," he starts, and you look away from him as you find an answer.

"Terushima, listen--"

"Via?" You turn your head towards the soft voice, and your eyes widen at the man walking towards you. He gives you a hug, and you reluctantly hug him back, disarray raging inside of your head.

"Kaleb! What are you doing here?" you ask incredulously, and he gives you a quick look of confusion before it's replaced with a smile.

"You invited me?" You raise your eyebrows. You did not invite this man to this party. You didn't even invite Terushima, and they coincidentally show up here? You internally roll your eyes. Kiya.

"I did, didn't I?" you lie. "Right, I'm sorry, I forgot, I've just been so busy." You haven't spoken to Kaleb in about a month. He was the recent guy you were seeing, and he was alright, but he really wasn't your type. You didn't even have his number saved in your phone. You sense even more tension in the air as Terushima and Kaleb stare each other down, and you definitely need way more alcohol.

"Terushima this is Kaleb. Kaleb this is Terushima." They both shake each other's hand, but the tension only seems to get thicker, and you feel like you're suffocating in it.

"If you guys would excuse me for a minute. I'm just going to check on the food," you rush out, not waiting for a response before darting off to find the culprit. When you spot her, you yank her to the side, and if looks could kill she'd drop dead on the spot. "You invited them both here?!" you yell, making sure to keep your voice lower than the music.

"Both? Who are you talking about?" You rub your forehead, feeling the stress really starting to hit you. This was the last thing you expected and you really don't need this right now.

"You invited Terushima and the guy that I ghosted a while ago." You sigh heavily, rubbing the back of your neck as her eyes go wide.

"Oh, shit. I did accidentally text a wrong number by accident, but I thought it was nothing." You give her a tired look, and she tilts her head in confusion. "I mean, it's gonna be okay, but you sound even more frustrated."

You sigh again. This really isn't the place to tell her, but you were going to tell her eventually. "I heard a woman's voice when I went to Terushima's apartment a couple of days ago."

"What?!" she nearly screams, her eyes wide before she slaps a hand over her mouth, realizing how loud she was. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"I don't know. Because there was just a lot going on, and I didn't want to be sad during the holidays or ruin yours, but that plan has failed miserably." You laugh bitterly, feeling completely drained.

"Shit, I'm sorry, Via. I didn't know." She reaches up to rub your arm as you shake your head.

"No, it's okay. You didn't know." You close your eyes as you take a deep breath, regrouping yourself. "It's okay. We'll worry about it later, 'kay?" You don't let her answer as you walk off, ignoring her calls of your name.

You linger around the party, hoping you don't run into Terushima, but your eyes land on him talking to your mom like they've been friends for years, and it feels like someone ripped your heart out of your chest. How could he just go about his life knowing that he was playing you? Just like he did before.

"Via?" A soft voice and soft hand shift your attention to Kaleb who's come up next to you, and you smile despite the fact that you feel like complete shit and that you're tired. Physically, mentally, and emotionally.

"Hi, Kaleb, what's up?" you ask, and he hands you a drink which you gratefully take, almost downing the whole thing in front of him.

"It's just, um, you're standing somewhere pretty cool." You look at him in confusion before you glance up, seeing mistletoe hanging from the ceiling. Kiya must've put this in last minute. You feel your stress building up as you look at him, chuckling softly.

"I guess I am." You know he's going to kiss you, and you've never been so conflicted in your entire life. You don't really want to, but you want to, secretly hoping that Terushima's watching so that he can feel how you're feeling right now. But at the same time, you just wanna go home and cry yourself to sleep.

You've been quiet, your thought preventing you from answering, and you feel his lips on yours, and you feel your body sag slightly at the fact that you don't feel a spark from kissing him unlike when you kiss Terushima. When you pull away, you just happen to look to your right to see a very pissed off Terushima.

You see him shake his head before heading out of the door, and you hand your drink to Kaleb. "I'm sorry, I have to do something, I'll be right back." You rush to the door, disregarding your jacket as you follow Terushima out. "You got a problem or something?" you ask angrily, and he stops in his tracks, his back facing you for a few seconds before he turns around.

"Yeah, I do. You're over here leading me on while you're kissing other guys." You scoff at his accusation.

"Oh, like you're not doing the same thing," you spit back, and he raises his eyebrows at you.

"Excuse me? I haven't been seeing anyone else besides you, but you obviously have other plans."

"You know you have some real balls to accuse me of leading you on when that's all you did the entire time we were dating." He goes to speak, but you cut him off. "No! You entertained girls all the time, sometimes right in front of me. How you reacted to them is not how you're supposed to react when you have a girlfriend. Do you know how pathetic I felt?!" The tears are spilling, and you don't have any more will to stop them.

"I felt so stupid. You made me feel so...ugly." You see his face soften, but you don't wanna hear what he has to say. "And you're accusing me when you had a girl in your apartment a couple of days ago." His eyes widen at that, and he stops his trek towards you.

"What are you talking about?" You scoff as you throw your hands up. You'll have to spell this one out for him too.

"I went to your apartment to give you the burgers that you wanted, but when I went to knock on the door, I heard your voice laughing with another woman's voice." You see his face drop in realization, and he starts to wave his hands. "Did you both enjoy my burgers?" you ask, your voice cracking as more tears fall down your face.

Terushima recalls hearing something fall outside of his door, and when he opened it, he saw the burgers, but he didn't think anything of it. He should've been more aware. How could he be so stupid?

"Wait, Via, baby, that wasn't what it looked like, I swear--"

You chuckle bitterly. "You expect me to believe that?! Because that was the same shit you told me four years ago!" You're past done. You're exhausted. "Fuck you, Yuuji Terushima for being the same piece of shit guy you were four years ago! And for breaking my heart again." Your voice breaks when you say again, and Terushima feels his heart breaking into a million pieces. "I never want to see your face again."

You turn around quickly making your way back into your shop while Terushima stands there frozen, letting you walk out of his life once again. The words you just spoke to him the exact same words you said back then. He feels the tears on his face before he registers them. How could this happen? How did it all go so wrong so fast?

You walk back into the party, thankful that you didn't put mascara on as you wipe your face off, and Kiya walks up to you. "Girlfriend, are you okay?!" she asks you, concern etched all over her face as she pulls you to the side.

"No, I'm not," you tell her honestly. "But, this is a party, and we're supposed to have fun. So, that's what I'm going to do." For what seems like the tenth time tonight, you walk off without waiting for a response.

After everyone left the party, that's when you decided to get yourself drunk. You usually don't drink this much, but you couldn't bring yourself to think about anything else. Kiya takes you home, and she stays with you as you scream, cry, rant until you finally crash on your bed due to a mix of the alcohol and your emotions being all over the place.

She sighs worriedly at your figure, and sits next to you on the bed, brushing her hand over your head before your face which is stained with tear tracks. Your phone on your nightstand rings and Kiya picks it up, seeing that it's Terushima and she rolls her eyes before hitting the decline button. She sees that he's called you non-stop through the night, and she scoffs again. She's pretty sure she could get away with murder.

When the phone rings for the fourth time, Kiya angrily picks it up. "Via, baby, I am so sorry, please listen to me, it was just a misunderstanding--"

"Olivia can't come to the phone right now," Kiya cuts him off curtly. "She's passed out because a fucking piece of shit decided to walk back in her life and break her heart the same fucking way he did four years ago," she spits, and she hears him sigh heavily before he sniffles.

"Kiya, you gotta let me explain, please let me explain." He sounds completely wrecked, Kiya can barely understand what he's saying.

"I don't think so, Terushima. You barely deserved a second chance, and you definitely don't deserve a third. Goodbye."

"Wait, wait, wait! Please! Please let me explain!" He's practically yelling in her ear, and she knows that if she hangs up on him he'll just keep calling. But she's also never heard him like this before.

"Fine. You have five minutes."

It's been roughly a week since one of the lowest moments of your life, and you're not entirely healed, but you definitely feel better, and you swore off getting that drunk ever again due to the awful headache you had when you woke up the next morning. Right now, you were hanging with Kiya, which she fully insisted for whatever reason, and you assume it's just because she wanted to spend time with you before the new year.

"He proposed?!" you yell as you practically throw yourself off the couch. Kiya laughs as she nods. "What? Show me the ring!" you demand, and she holds her hand out which you quickly take into yours to examine her finger. "Woah, that is expensive," you comment as your eyes go wide.

She pulls her hand back as she agrees before looking at it again, her eyes full of love and happiness. You can't help the ping of jealously that stabs at your heart, but you push it away, replacing it with the happiness for your best friend. "So, I'm obviously going to be the maid of honor," you say matter-of-factly, and she laughs as she rolls her eyes.

"Of course you are. There's no one else I would want it to be." You both talk for a couple more hours, and you look at the clock on your phone.

"I should probably go. I don't want to implode on the newly engaged couple. He's going to be home soon, right?" you ask, standing and stretching.

"Yeah, but it's okay, you can stay. We won't mind." You shake your head as you start to gather your things.

"It's okay. I've got a bunch of takeout and some wine calling my name at home." You slip on your coat and your boots. That's mostly the reason why. The other reason why is that you really don't want to see any happy couples right now. That's just putting salt in a wound that's slowly healing. "Congratulations again, Kiya. I'll text you when I get home." She nods while walking you to the door, and she watches you walk to your car and drive off before closing the door.

You yawn loudly when you get home, kicking your boots off and throwing your jacket onto the couch. You decide that you're going to take a nap first, and then you'll eat, and as you walk to your room, you feel something under your feet. At first, you thought it was something weird on your sock, but when you keep feeling it, you look down to see rose petals?

You turn back to the door. You had locked the door when you left, and you just unlocked the door when you came home, so...

"Hello?" you call out into the quiet apartment, but you receive no response, and you follow the trail of rose petals, assuming that this is possibly the way that you're going to go out. The trail stops at your door, and you slide the door open, gasping when you see what's inside.

The lights are off, the only light being provided is from the vanilla-scented candles all over the room. There are rose petals all over the place, and there are vases of your favorite flowers spread out across the room, and standing in the middle of it is Terushima.

He's facing you, wringing his hands together nervously as he watches you take in the new changes made. "What is all this?" you ask in disbelief, and he steps forward before he speaks.

"An apology. I mean, I don't really think I can make up for the pain that I've caused you, but there's been a huge misunderstanding." You sigh softly as you look away.

"Terushima..." you start, and he startles you when he falls to his knees before grabbing your hands.

"Via, I'm begging you to let me explain. If you let me explain, then I'll be out of your hair. You won't hear from me ever again. And I know I don't deserve this, but please, please, let me explain." You only respond with a nod, mostly because of how he's acting right now. "For starters, I am so sorry for how I've made you feel. This year and four years ago. It was never my intention to make you cry or to break your heart, and I did both of those things, and so much more."

He takes a deep breath before speaking again. "Second, that girl in my apartment is not what you think," he tells you firmly making you roll your eyes, and he quickly starts speaking again. "I know, I know, but let me explain." He quickly pulls his phone out of his pocket like he's afraid that you're going to leave.

You watch as he brings up a conversation with a number before scrolling up to a certain part of the conversation, and he turns the phone to you. You hesitantly grab the phone, looking at him before bringing your eyes to look at the phone. You scroll through the messages, the messages themselves not outright telling you that he was seeing another girl.

One of them says 'it'll be ready in a couple of days,' another one says that 'you can meet me at my place.' That one's from Terushima. You hand him back the phone, not convinced at all. "You told her she could meet you at your place."

"And I should've realized how that would've looked. I was stupid, I wasn't thinking, and I'm sorry." You gesture to the phone.

"What was supposed to be ready?" you ask, your voice full of disinterest, and he quickly pockets the phone before reaching into his front pocket. Your eyes widen when he pulls out a box small enough for a ring, and he grabs your hand before you have the chance to move.

He opens it to reveal a small, simple ring with your birthstone in it. "Terushima..." you trail off, and he shakes his head.

"It's not what it looks like. It's a promise ring." A soft, surprised expression comes over your face. "It's a promise to you that I'm going to be better. Everyone knows that I don't deserve you, but this is a promise to you that I'm going to become the man that you deserve." Now you feel the tears coming, and he keeps going.

"It's a promise that I'm never going to hurt you again." He stands up quickly, your head now lifting upward to look him in the eyes. "Olivia, you mean the world to me. There's no else but you, there hasn't been, and there never will be." He takes the ring out of the box, setting the box on your dresser.

"I love you so much that it hurts. You're all I ever think about as soon as I wake up to the moment I go to sleep. Please, give me another chance. I promise I won't make you regret it." The tears are falling more frequently, and you wipe them away.

"How do I know you're not lying?" you ask quietly, trying to keep your weak resolve up. He steps closer to you.

"You know that I'm not lying," he tells you confidently, his gaze never wavering from yours, and you sigh knowing that he's right. He's one of the worst liars you've ever met, having tells for days. And none of them are showing. You're still fighting it in your head, looking down away from him, and he tilts it back up by your chin.

"Please. I will never make you feel that way ever again. I promise." He tells you firmly, his voice solid. Terushima feels like his heart explodes when you nod your head. He slides the ring onto your finger before wiping the tears from your eyes. He's so happy he could cry. He plants his lips on yours quickly, wrapping his arms around you, pulling him into him.

"Please, let me show you," he pleads after he pulls away, holding your face in his hands.

"Okay." That's all he needs before he's picking you up, your legs wrapped around his waist as he carries you to the bed, and he never breaks the kiss as you land on your back. He moves you further up on the bed before moving his lips to your neck, pressing wet, open-mouthed kisses on your skin.

Your hands move to his hair as you feel him biting marks into your skin, and you know that you're going to look like a freaking leopard tomorrow. He pulls your shirt off, throwing it somewhere off to the side, your bra soon following, and he doesn't waste any time attacking your breasts, one hand stimulating one while his mouth is on the other.

He pulls your hardened nipples between his teeth and his fingers at the same time, making your back arch off the bed at the different feelings. After marking up one breast, he moves to the other, doing the same thing before he starts to kiss down your abdomen.

He looks up at you when he reaches the waistband of your sweatpants, and you nod quickly as he groans seeing how your pupils are blown with lust. He quickly gets rid of your sweats, groaning again when he sees the growing wet spot across your crotch.

He licks a broad stripe up your covered cunt, both of you moaning simultaneously as you squeeze his head with your thighs. He makes quick work of your panties, almost ripping them with how eager he is to taste you. He digs his fingers into your thighs, almost entranced by your naked sex, and he teases you a bit more by marking up your thighs, whining when he pulls the skin between his teeth.

"Yuuji, stop teasing," you whine, and he smiles wickedly before he spreads your legs.

"I gotcha, pretty girl," he coos before licking another stripe through your folds, the action so sudden that it makes you jump slightly. His hands press your legs into the mattress as he eats you out like you're his last meal. "You taste so fucking good," he moans, the vibrations only elevating the feeling, and the taste of you on his tongue and the sounds you're making are like heaven, and he's close to blowing his load that he has to force himself to hold back.

He moves up to your clit, running circles over it with his tongue before sucking it into his mouth, making the grip on his hair tightening just shy of painful. He prods a finger at your hole before slowly inching his way in, and he ruts against the bed to find some release. You already feel so good on his finger, so he can only imagine what you'll feel like when you take his dick.

He slides another finger in while continuing to use his mouth on your clit, stretching you out before sliding in a third. He curls his fingers, hitting that spot inside of you with ease, making you release a loud moan. "Teru," you gasp, and he smirks against you.

"You close, baby?" he prods, already knowing the answer. He keeps curling his fingers, the squelching sounds almost overpowering your moans, and he feels you pulling at his hair, this time painful, but he can't bring himself to care as he licks up your clit making sure his piercing strikes it.

You cum with a scream, and he moans when you clench on his fingers, but he keeps going, his fingers seeming to go deeper inside of you, and a weird feeling sits in your core, and you try to push him away, but he keeps going until you feel another release.

"Fuck. Holy shit, babe." You come down from your high, gasping for air as you watch him come up with your juices all over his face while he sucks his fingers clean. "You just squirted." You move to cover your face with your hands but he stops you. "Don't be ashamed. That was really hot," he admits, licking around his mouth to get some more.

He kisses you hungrily, and you moan as you taste yourself on his tongue and when his piercing knocks against your teeth. He hisses and breaks the kiss when you palm his straining erection through his jeans. "Do you want me to return the favor?" you ask, still breathless from your previous orgasm, and he lightly brushes your hand away as he shakes his head.

"Later, right now is all about you," he tells you, and you wrap your arms around his neck to pull him close to you.

"Then I want you to fuck me," you whisper against his lips, and he groans before making quick work of his shirt and his jeans. You can see a huge wet spot in the front of his briefs, and he gets rid of them quickly, his dick smacking his abdomen once it's free.

He stands at the edge of the bed, lazily stroking himself, and you feel your mouth go dry at how beautiful he is, so you tell him, and he responds with a soft chuckle, but you can see his face deepen with a blush at the compliment. "Nah, that's all you, baby girl." He smirks when he sees your eyes widening once they land on the pair of metal balls at the head of his length. "You like it?" he quips, and you just gulp, your eyes having a hard time looking away from the angry red tip dripping with pre.

His eyes drag down your figure, making you hot all over and he moves onto the bed, hovering himself over you. "You're so gorgeous. The prettiest woman I've ever met." You don't have time to feel flustered by his words because he leans down to kiss you, this one different from the previous ones.

This one is softer and filled with love, but still has the same amount of passion and hunger. "I have a condom," he tells you when he pulls away, and you shake your head.

"I wanna feel you," you tell him, lust dripping in your words, and he bites back a moan as he gives you one last kiss before guiding his dick towards your leaking hole. He pumps himself a few more times before sliding in, and you can't help the whine that falls from your lips.

It's been so long since you've felt him inside of you. And it's an addicting feeling you didn't even know you were missing until now. "Fuck, you are so tight. Shit." He bottoms out, stretching you in the best possible way, and he rests his head against yours.

"Move, Yuuji," you urge, and he nods while he pants.

"I know, baby, I know, give me a second. Fuck." He takes a few more deep breaths, and when he's sure that he's not going to bust just from how warm you feel, he backs up until only the tip is inside and he rams back into you, making the bed knock against the wall.

You cry out, your arms wrapping around his neck again as he repeatedly slams back into you, the feeling of the piercing rubbing against your walls foreign, but it feels so good. He keeps shifting his hips until he finds that spongy spot inside of you, and he grips the headboard, using it as leverage to piston that spot, and you feel like you're going to explode with pleasure.

You rake your nails down his back, and he feels it hit every nerve ending all over his body, and his hips falter just a tad when you clench around him. "Fuck, baby, touch yourself for me, please touch yourself," he spills out, knowing he's not going to last much longer.

You bring your hand down to roll hard circles on your bud, clenching at the sudden stimulation, and Terushima shudders. "Feels so good, Yuuji," you moan out, and he can't help but reciprocate it as his face scrunches up in pleasure.

"You feel too good, baby, oh my God." You can sense that he's close, so you clench around him again, and that's what send him over the edge, letting out a shout of your name as his hot seed shoots into you.

He doesn't stop moving though. He brings one hand down to your shoulder and fucks into you harder than he had before. He whines at the overstimulation, but he's determined to get you there. "Cum for me, baby, cum for me."

With one last hard thrust, you cum hard, back arching off the bed as you scream his name while Terushima moans at you coming undone under him. Your back meets the bed again, and Terushima rests his head on your forehead as you both catch your breath.

He pulls out of you slowly, wincing at the overwhelming feeling of pleasure mixing with pain before he gets up and makes his way to the bathroom the best he can on shaky legs. You feel yourself starting to drift off, and you jump when you feel something warm at your core.

"Sorry, I gotta clean you up," he tells you softly, wiping the mix of your juices away before putting the rag in the sink in the bathroom. He comes back, pulling the blankets down and getting in before pulling you into his chest. "I love you so much, Olivia. And I am so sorry. I won't make you regret giving me another chance."

You look up at him with a sleepy smile and sleepy eyes before sitting up to kiss him. "I love you too, and I forgive you, maybe," you joke, and you giggle when he pinches your side.

The rhythm of his heartbeat and the finger dragging up and down your arm lulls you to sleep fast, and the last thing you remember is hearing "goodnight."

~

Terushima wakes up before you, the sunlight bleeding in through the blinds and into his eyes. He takes a deep breath in and looks around, thankful that he remembered to blow out the candles before he went to sleep. He looks down to see you still sleeping peacefully, and he feels his heart do a somersault. He finally has you and he going to make sure that you don't leave. Not again.

He never realized what he was taking for granted until you broke up. He had slept with a few other girls, but they weren't you. All he could think about was you. He even got kicked out of a girl's place naked because he accidentally called her by your name. He pulls you closer to him, and you stir slightly, moving your head so that it's angled more towards his.

He thinks you look ethereal. The way the sunlight makes your brown skin glow almost makes him melt. He runs a finger down your sleeping face lightly before brushing the hair out of your face. "I'm sorry for being so stupid," he starts even know he knows you can't hear him. "I didn't realize what I had lost until it was too late. I wish I could go back in time so I could fix it or beat myself up, one or the other," he jokes laughing softly. "Probably both."

He rubs your back softly. "I don't even know if I have enough words to describe how much you mean to me. I should've never entertained those girls, like I said I was an absolute idiot, and to be honest, I didn't think you would've given me a second chance. I would've understood if you didn't." He holds you a little tighter. "But I'm glad that you did. I love you, and I'm going to keep saying it until you get tired of it, but I want you to know that. I want you to know that it's true and that I seriously mean it."

He takes a deep breath. "After the Christmas party, I cried so hard I almost threw up." He laughs bitterly, he doesn't really know why he's saying this, but he feels like he should get it off his chest. "That night it felt like my heart had been ripped out and stomped on multiple times. I only have myself to blame though. And I figured that must've been what you felt like because of me, and that happened to you twice.

"I was almost in hysterics. I kept calling your phone, but you never answered, and when I was about to give up, Kiya picked up the phone." He laughs again." And she almost hung up on me until I explained to her everything that happened and the huge misunderstanding that caused all of this. She held me put this whole plan together actually. She got you out of your apartment so I could do all of this."

He looks down at you again, giving you a kiss on your forehead. "I hope you stay with me forever. I don't know what I'd do without you."

"You really are sappy in the morning." Your groggy voice makes him jump, and you smile as you struggle to hold back your laugh, peeling your eyes open to reveal a very red Terushima.

"You were awake?!" he asks, and you laugh fully as you nod. "You heard everything?!"

You nod again. "I did, I'm sorry. I thought you were talking in your sleep, but I realized it was too coherent for it to be sleep talk." You sit up, resting your hand on his chest and putting your chin on top. "Did you mean everything you said?"

He responds quickly. "Every word." You fight back tears as he pulls you in for another kiss, his hand resting on the back of your head softly. "I love you."

"I love you, too, Yuuji Terushima."

EPILOGUE:

"Teru, you're not taking me to the woods to kill me, are you?" you ask, looking around blindly due to the blindfold wrapped around your eyes. You hear him laugh as you feel him take another turn.

"No, I'll do that for our next anniversary." You laugh as you try to figure out where you are. Terushima had woken you up saying that he was going to show you your anniversary present, but then he blindfolded you and led you to the car. "Stop trying to figure out where we are with your weird powers!" he yells at you, and you nudge at him while playing with your necklace that he got for you after you both made up. It has his name on it, and he bought a matching chain with your name on it.

"It's not my fault I know this city like the back of my hand." You feel him take another turn, and you close your eyes as you try to narrow it down. "Are we in a subdivision?" You smirk when you hear him groan, knowing you guessed right.

"Can you please stop? You'll ruin the surprise."

"It's hard to focus on anything else," you admit, and you quickly go quiet when you feel his hand rubbing up and down your thigh.

"It is hard now?" he asks you, lowly, and you feel your core clench at his words and his actions. Now you can't focus on anything but his hand, but you're abruptly pulled from his actions when you feel the car stop. You hear him turn the car off and you hear his door open and close while you take your seatbelt off.

Your door opens, and he's guiding you out of the car. "You ready?"

You jump excitedly in impatience. "Yes, yes, hurry up!" He peels off the blindfold, and you blink a few times, letting your eyes adjust to the light before they focus on a two-story house. "A house?" You feel something cold touch your hand, and you look down to see a pair of keys in your hand.

"Our house." Your eyes go wide as you snap your head up to look at Terushima before looking back at the house. "Happy anniversary, baby."

"Are you fucking serious?!" you say, jumping into his arms, almost taking him out before you run towards the door, unlocking it as fast you can. Terushima smiles at you fondly as he follows you around the house as you tour it.

"This bedroom's kinda small though," he comments, looking around, and you step in the room, spinning around as you look at the room before stopping to face Terushima.

"I don't know. I think it's the perfect room for a nursery," you admit, and you see him shrug as he looks around again before the words dawn on him. He almost breaks his neck to look at you, and you smile widely as you nod.

"You're fucking serious?! I'm gonna be a dad?!" He runs to you, picking you and spinning you around. You both laugh loudly before he sets you down, pulling you into a loving kiss that leaves you breathless.

"Happy anniversary, Yuuji."

A/N: If you stayed this long thank you for reading, but if you didn’t, I don’t blame you LMAO

[multicolouredbeanbag]

pt 3 sorting characters into hogwarts houses

Part 1    Part 2

Tl;dr: April Stevens is a Hufflepuff who projects Slytherin; at her core she is a loyalist and she values community, even though her definition of a community has become GREATLY limited due to… reasons.

so here’s the thing. April looks like a Slytherin. She talks like a Slytherin. She walks like a Slytherin. But I don’t think she actually IS a Slytherin.

Today I defend the idea that April Stevens is actually a Hufflepuff (primary, ie. her motivations/values) and a Ravenclaw secondary (methods/tactics). I absolutely love this character even tho she is a lil mean, and I think that viewing her through this framework does justice to her complexities/core of who she is.

I mention the primary/secondary sorting hats system in Part 1 so feel free to google that or read my other analyses first.

Spoilers below:

Let’s talk about April’s secondary first, which addresses the HOW of person. How they approach situations, how they problem solve.

HP canon often posits Ravenclaws as the “intelligent” character, and while April IS very smart, that’s not why I consider her a Ravenclaw.

April is a HUGE planner and collector of information. She likes to be prepared because it gives her control over a situation. She’s an excellent strategizer. She’s less comfortable with improvising without having some tools/contingency plans to draw from, so when she’s stressed, she has a tendency to fall back on the tools that she’s brought with her (in contrast to Sterling, who absolutely thrives in improvisation)

My first example is the debate tournament - as team captain, she’s in it to win it. Her strategy of choice is to prepare detailed dossiers on all the other team captains. This works well enough for her, until opponent debater Craig pulls a move she couldn’t anticipate (using his own research against her), and she falls to pieces. Still, she takes some time, gathers herself again, and pressures Sterling to use the dossier on Craig to take him down (contingency plan).

Other examples:

Asked Sterling to debate her when deciding whether to come out or not - girl RUNS on logic

April’s approach to school is very organized/planning based, she’s also kind of a major nerd OBVIOUSLY, so this is a more conventional representation of her Ravenclaw-ness

S1E1, she snatches the condom wrapper but retreats with the information probably for processing purposes. She makes a plan - use threat of exposure to blackmail Sterling into giving her the fellowship position, and doesn’t deviate from it, even when the plan fails. Sterling has to save her from that situation ultimately.

This is a little more vague, but I’m thinking about how April comes off as a rigid, somewhat inflexible character. She’s not very easily persuaded to change her behavior (this, of course, makes so much sense! When you think about being gay in the south like? Her reluctance to come out is completely understandable) which contrasts very severely against Sterling’s expressive fluidity. April is a lot more static, and part of that is because it’s difficult for her to thrive when it’s an area that she hasn’t had the opportunity to prepare/plan/study.

Now for the much more interesting and complicated part, April’s PRIMARY.

Again, the Primary is all about WHY someone does something. Their motivations and values. I argue that April Stevens is a true Hufflepuff because she places utmost importance on community.

The HP canon defining qualities of being Hufflepuff are patience and loyalty. It’s the fair and inclusive house. However, it would be reductive to suggest that all Hufflepuffs are friendly, warm individuals. They are bonded together not by their shared amity, but by their value of people and groups—community.

April’s “community” on the show is unfortunately tied to her family and the Christian community. She fears not belonging (bc homophobia) so she overcompensates by conforming aggressively (see, Straight-Straight alliance S1E1).

The episode that really sold this analysis for me was S1E7, when April and Sterling had a number of conversations about April’s dad.

April: “My dad used to call my family a team. And I worked so hard to be the very best version of myself because Team Stevens wins. Teams Stevens is perfect, except that it’s not.”

With these words, we get some insight into why she’s so intense and high-achieving and obsessive all the time. It’s not so much because she wants to win for herself, it’s more the fact that she’s part of a team. She does her part for the team by excelling everywhere she thinks it counts, and of course her underlying gayness contributes to her NEED to be perfect. In practice, it comes off as personal ambition, which is why April seems, at least on the surface, pretty slytherin-y. In reality, it must be more about compensating for something she feels she lacks. Team Stevens can’t be perfect if they’re ostracized by the community due to their (only?) child being gay, so of course she has to keep it to herself, and she has to be the best on all other counts so no one can ever touch them.

Another example, S1E6, at the tournament April says, “You know what’s going on with my family right now; we have become the black sheep of the entire community. I needed a win!” She projects her personal problems onto external academic goals.

This framework of achievement as a prerequisite of community, flawed as it is, seemed to be working for her, at least up until her dad was arrested for attacking a prostitute. In a conversation with Sterl, back when April was trying to steal the fellowship title:

S: Why are you doing this? Is it because of what’s going on with your family?

A: What John did is his problem.

S: He’s still your dad.

A: I don’t care. He beat up a prostitute! I’m not a fan of sex workers but they deserve to be safe!

She obviously feels confused and hurt that her dad lied to her and was violent to women, which is something she cannot stand. For a while, she drops her father like a hot potato, throwing away his letters from jail and ignoring his calls. Hufflepuffs value people—fair is fair.

But she kind of still supports him at the end anyway, when he comes home (s1E10). She must be feeling so conflicted when this happens. Dad is a part of family (established community) therefore she has to support him. Dad possibly hurt someone, but then he did get cleared of his charges. April is essentially making a choice between Dad and Sterling, established community vs. possible (in fact PROBABLE) community alienation.

Hufflepuff and Slytherins are both loyalists because they both care about people—Hufflepuff because they’re people, Slytherin because they’re THEIR people. For all intents and purposes, by S1E10, Sterling is one of April’s “people.” So how does April choose? She goes with the established community, which is really to say she chooses culture and tradition.

April has spent her entire life locking away a significant part of herself for the sake of her family and more generally, her religious community. In S1E8/S1E9, April is almost convinced to come out—FOR Sterling. She probably would have gone through with it were it not for her dad showing up the next episode. April obviously has (justified) reservations about coming out because it’s honestly pretty dangerous to be out in the south, and these circumstances haven’t changed just because she found a girl that she likes. But she is reluctantly on board because Sterling would have been there to take the leap with her… at this point, April had expanded her definition of community to include Sterling, and for a moment Sterling’s optimism had broken past April’s defenses. Then her dad comes back, and April realizes that she has to make a choice even though this choice hurts them both terribly—Sterling is after all, one person, and what is one person in the face of boundless historical tradition and family values?

Hufflepuff morality tends to be influenced by external inputs, while Slytherin morality tends to come from the internal, the gut. Hufflepuffs can and will ignore their internal feelings when they contradict with the needs of the community. Slytherins are less easily swayed by external influences if they are sure they are right.

April has shrunk down her loyalties to a more manageable level (truly, a very LIMITED circle), but still prioritizes fairness and loyalty and of course, second chances. It’s partly why she’s open to reconnecting with her father. Maintaining these loyalties comes at the cost of her relationship with Sterling, but this is something April is willing to do: self-sacrifice for (greater) community.

Just to take a step back, April and Sterling’s relationship back in 5th grade is just… fascinating. In S1E6, we find out that April’s whole grudge against Sterling comes from when Sterling “gave her away” to another group at recess. An odd event that they both remember differently, and who can say what really happened? All we know is that April’s animosity comes from this perceived slight— the abandonment by someone she once trusted and considered part of her community. It’s very telling that their rivalry stems from this particular moment, the fracturing of a loyalty, as opposed anything else.

April: “the past is the past, we’re all adults here” but alsooo April, >:’(

Another example: at the tournament, when April is trying to convince Sterling to use the dirt on Craig to secure their win.

S: I don’t know if I can stoop that low.

A: He did it to me!

April’s first instinct was a quid pro quo, you attack me, my group will attack you. Which is why she is so offended that Sterling refuses to take the shot, because in April’s mind, it’s only fair. This exchange supports the idea that April considers community first, ambition second.

I like to think that April hides her vulnerable side, her honest hopes and dreams, behind her external perfectionism and ambition. I like to think that she cares a lot, that she’s a prickly, distrustful, kind of Hufflepuff who craves validation because she thinks it’s a substitute for connection. And I would like to see her find that type of community, that she and EVERYBODY deserves: love that doesn’t contain (in her words) “a post condition that we follow their rules for love.”

[phoebehalliwell]

AU where Piper doesn't give up the godhood and instead disappears to parts unknown to cause chaos. Leo, up in Elderland, is drowning himself in his work as an escape. Phoebe, unable to deal with the trauma of losing yet another family member to magic, swears off magic and moves to Hong Kong with Jason. Paige is left trying to raise Wyatt and fight demons with only Chris for support.

yoooo fuckin grunge rendition & a perfect kickoff for a dark future tho in this dark future i don’t think it’s be like Evil Wyatt™ i think it’s be more like the world falls out of balance with the charmed ones severed and piper’s off fucking up shit i think we’ll put paige & henry together somehow in this au but like eventually they’re gonna have to leave the manor bc it’s such a seat of power and without the charmed ones they’re really vulnerable so henry’s like okay well i know you haven’t spoken with your sister in like almost a year but don’t you think it’s time let’s just go there so paige is like alright everyone pack your bags and chris is like i’m not going and paige is like what don’t be ridiculous of course you’re going and chris is like no i’ll stay here and protect the manor and paige is like you’ll die and chris is like i’m dying anyways. well, ceasing to exist, more like and paige is all like what sudden plot device are you springing on me now and chris is like well um in short i kinda fucked up and paige is like noah fence but i sorta got that when you made piper a god with no plan to get it out of her and chris is like yes okay i mean like globally i fucked up there but like on a personal level i also sorta fucked up? yeah. piper’s my mom. and paige is like !!!!!!! okay What??? and chris is like i needed to get close to the charmed ones to stop the dark future from happening i figured i could pose as your whitelighter you know stop the world from turning evil but that meant i had to get rid of leo. my dad. and paige is like okay i Need to sit down what the fuck What The Fuck and you did all this- and you- and now everything’s worse- and chris is like if it’s any consolation i’m pretty sure i at least got us off the evil dictator wyatt timeline and paige is like WHAT and chris is like yeah :/ but you’re- you’re doing a great job paige. if anyone can fix this, you can. sorry. and paige like goes downstairs and henry has wyatt and like a duffel and is like where’s chris and paige is like he’s staying behind and henry’s like what he can’t and paige is like no. he can. let’s go. and she orbs them out meanwhile chris’s math is telling him he’s got like a week maybe a week and a half til his conception so if there’s any time to use witchcraft it’s now i guess and he begins a ritual to tether him to the house. as long as it still stands, he’ll still be with it, guarding it from evil. it takes him almost a week to get the spell right, but he does it, unknowingly fusing himself with the nexus in the process. leo notices paige is gone and the house is empty and orbs in fearing the worst, only to find a chris that isn’t entirely chris well more like he is entirely chris and then some. he can tell he’s fused with the nexus. he’s also see-through, stuck permanently in the fade out of existence, but not to truly die until the house is gone. and leo has nothing to say. he has nothing to say bc everything here is his fault and this is all his doing and oh my god the world is falling apart and now there’s a ghost chris haunting the manor and he’ll never see his wife again and oh my god so he just sorta sits down in defeat and chris sorta sits down next to him like sorry i fucked all this up and leo’s like it’s not your fault. i did this and chris is like you can’t take all the blame i made the moves to put you in that position and leo’s like yeah and i still made them gods that was my own choice. and chris is like. did beat the titans tho. and leo’s like yeah lmao looks like we saved the world huh and chris is like yeah. it’s only going up from here. and it’s quiet for a minute and chris is like can i need to tell you something and leo’s like okay and chris is just like quiet and leo’s like are you actually gonna tell me and chris is like yeah but then he’s quiet again and leo’s just sorta like gonna sit there like let him take his time and they just like Sit There and after a while chris is like i’m your son and you know it’s not like leo was necessarily expecting anything but he really wasn’t expecting That and leo’s like like you’re my. like my son, like me & piper’s. son. and chris is like yeah :/ and leo’s just like oh. sorry. and chris is like for what? and leo’s like you had to come back to save the future clearly i fucked that one up to and chris is like no you didn’t. you... and leo’s like what and chris is like you never stopped believing in good. and he’s not entirely sure why he’s saying all this bc up until this very moment he thought that was his father’s biggest flaw and it’s what he hated about him but like right now. like what else can they really do but hope for the good in people. and leo’s like were we close? and chris is like no not really. and leo’s like oh :( and they just sit there. and after a while the elders chime and leo’s like i gotta go i guess. and chris is like yeah. and leo’s like i’m not giving up. not yet. we can still save the future. and chris just looks over at his dad and like leo means it like he’s got this look in his eyes this newfound fire and it sorta makes chris hope too and leo tries to pat chris on the shoulder but his hand sorta just waves through him but chris almost smiles like he gets the sentiment and leo orbs out and for the first time in like a long time chris just. cries. over in hong kong phoebe is hosting paige and henry (& baby wyatt) and she’s being cordial but it’s obvious she’s on edge and she’s practically begging paige to stay with her, to bind her magic. they’re protected and cloaked and they can live a normal life like they always wanted and paige is like i never wanted a normal life. i don’t want to live in a world without magic, i don’t want to live in a world without my sisters and phoebe’s like a world with magic is a world without your sisters. i should know. please don’t let it take you too.

okay this keeps going for another 3000 words i have no self restraint. the rest is under the cut

and paige really has to grapple with that because it’s sort of true. either she hides or she goes down fighting because it doesn’t seem like she can make it out of this one alive. and she knows if it was just her, she’d fight. she’d fight to the bitter end but it’s not just her it’s her and henry and baby wyatt it’s not just her. so it’s not just her decision to make. and phoebe says she can stay as long as she wants so long as she doesn’t practice any magic. demons can’t really track them if they never actively use their magic, and with the most basic wards phoebe set up, they’re practically invisible to the other side (jason has been informed about magic but he stays on a need to know basis). & paige hates it. i mean for starters she’s miles from home in a foreign country and while she still has her whitelighter gift of omnilingualism she sees phoebe tense up whenever she speaks mandarin so she stops using it around the house. and jason’s place is really nice and spacious and it’s not like they’re all living on top of one another but like paige feels insanely cooped up and she keeps watching the news and sees all these things happening and they’re like wow this is so unexplainable. experts are baffled. no scientific explanation. and she knows it’s magic and she knows she has to do something about it and henry can sense she’s getting antsy and he wants her to know that no matter what she chooses he’s behind her 100% and paige is like no it’s way too dangerous and henry’s like i don’t care paige i’m not going to sit on the sidelines and do nothing especially if this is as dangerous as you say it is and paige is like i can’t let you get hurt and henry’s like you don’t think i feel the same way? if we go down, we’re going down together. i’m with you in this. for better or worse. and paige is like okay. but just one thing first. and henry’s ready to argue to put up a fight but is completely caught off guard when paige says marry me. and phoebe is overjoyed to have a wedding and like jason’s completely willing to cover the whole thing because he hasn’t seen phoebe smile like this since piper went missing but paige and henry really don’t want all the bells and whistles so they just have a super lowkey ceremony in the living room which to be fair is huge & extravagant and has a beautiful view of the hong kong skyline and phoebe’s feeling like this happiness and hope that she hasn’t felt in such a long time and she even lets paige conjure a wedding dress even though paige said she was fine just getting married in one of phoebe’s nice white dresses phoebe’s like no this is your special day this is your wedding it should be yours it should be you and paige smiles and gives her a hug and even though phoebe’s powers are bound she can feel this tug from her empathy as if it’s trying to bubble to the surface. so blah blah blah paige and henry get married and they’re getting ready to like you know do their best to try to save the world namely to get piper back and they’re leaving wyatt with phoebe and jason but paige pulls phoebe aside like come with us. piper’s your sister too, you can save her. and phoebe’s like i can’t. i couldn’t then, i can’t now, i’m not strong enough. and paige is like i think that’s bullshit i think you are strong enough i think you’re just scared. and phoebe’s like paige you might think you know me but you don’t know me that well. i’m not scared; i’m terrified. and if i was strong enough, i’d stop you. i’d stop you from going on a suicide mission and i’d stop you from leaving me the last man standing but if there’s one thing it seems i’ve never been strong enough to do it’s save my sisters. and paige is like you saved me. way back in s4, you saved me. you are strong enough. come with me. and phoebe’s like i can’t blah blah blah henry’s been talking with jason because jason’s like oh are you gonna go save the world and henry’s like nah i’m probably just gonna die and jasons like oh. . is that like your game plan? and henry’s like paige is gonna try to find piper. she hopes if she can bring her back, she can fix the balance. and jasons like bring her back from where and henry sorta sighs that sigh that you sigh when you’re in way over your head and he’s like godhood and jason’s like excuse me and henry like yeah know all the freak storms that have been happening lately and jason’s like that’s piper? and henry’s like yeah and jason’s like shit. and he sort looks over at phoebe who’d like now in the kitchen and she’s got a death grip on a mug of tea and looks like she’s trying not to feel anything and henry looks over at paige who’s like basically putting on her war paint and stocking up on potion ingredients and this that and the other and both these lads know this situations fucked up and jason’s like look not that i’m trying to rush you off to your death but and henry’s like great start and jason’s like i own a satellite company or some bullshit blah blah blah basically we’ve been tracking these storms trying to figure out where the next one’s gonna hit and henry’s you can track piper. and jason’s like. yeah. i had no idea, but yeah. and henry’s like where’s the next one gonna be and jason makes a call blah blah blah it’s all in mandarin so henry has no idea what’s going on and jason’s like it looks like you have home field advantage. the next one’s gonna be in san francisco. and so paige and henry orb back to the manor and paige is like brewing potions like nobody’s business and henry’s like so what’s the plan and paige is like uhh to be perfectly frank there is no plan we’re just gonna wing it try to talk her down and if that doesn’t work... and henry’s like if that doesn’t work? paige is like try to stop her. and henry nods and paige is like it’s not too late to back out. and henry’s like not a chance. and paige is like brewing potions when chris floats in a paige is so shocked she almost blows up the whole attic adding an ingredient to a potion. and chris is like what’re you doing here? and paige is like you still exist? and henry’s like wait what does that mean? why can i see through you? and chris is like i tethered myself to the house. as long as it’s here i’m here. and paige is like that works?? and henry’s like you’re a ghost?? and chris is like i don’t think so. dad- leo says i’m the nexus. and paige is like you’re the nexus??? and henry’s like leo’s your father??? and paige is like yeah wait circle back you’ve talked to leo?????? and chris is like is like yes to all but can you answer my question and paige is like what was your question and chris is like why are you here and paige is like oh. and she’s looking at all her potions and like wondering whether or not she should tell chris she's here to throw hands with his mom when henry cuts in and says piper’s coming. and chris is like what? how do you know? and henry’s like jason’s weather tracking. a giant storm’s gonna hit in an hour, maybe two if we’re lucky. and with it- is gonna be my mom. and chris is like okay. what’s the plan. and paige is like there is no plan. and chris is like what do you mean there’s no plan? and henry’s like we’re gonna try to talk her down. chris is like and if that doesn’t work? and paige is like well then we try not to die. and chris is like well what are you going to say and paige is like ...i don’t know yet. it’ll come to me in the moment. and chris is like you’re joking and paige is like well do you have a better idea? and chris is like orbs out but when he does it’s like polluted with a dark smoke that paige recognizes as the nexus and she’s just like god this is so fucked up and then like lightning strikes and thunder rumbles and rain starts falling down and henry’s like i think it’s about to get worse. and paige like grabs a fistful of potions and she’s like you ready? and henry’s like there’s no one i’d rather face the end of the world with and takes her hand and they go out to the front steps of the manor and paige starts yelling to the sky like piper! piper it’s your sister! it’s paige! please come talk to me! piper! and like she and henry are already soaked to the bone and lightning strikes and brings down a tree near the side of the house but henry and paige stay standing and paige is like piper i’m not going anywhere! you’re my family; i’m not leaving! and piper’s like i don’t have a family. and she’s like a far cry from the party city goddess we saw in the season five her hair is long and wild and there seems to be vines growing intertwined with it and he dress has been soaked with mud and seawater and earth so many times it’s now like a fucked up brown and it’s got rips and tears that have been patched over by moss that seems to grow out of her skin and when she moves the earth seems to bend towards her. meanwhile in hong kong jason’s like why didn’t you tell me it was piper and phoebe’s like what and jason’s like this the world ending the apocalypse why didn’t you tell me it was piper? and phoebe’s like would it have made a difference? and jason’s like yes! phoebe she’s your sister, she means the world to you and phoebe’s like she’s not my sister anymore and jason’s like what and phoebe’s like that thing inside her, that power, it’s taken over. it’s not piper; piper would never do this. and she just sorta starts crying and jason pulls her in close and phoebe’s just like it’s not piper. i wish i had piper. and jason’s like i think you should go. with paige. i think you should go save her. and phoebe’s like what? and jason’s like i’ll watch wyatt. i can get you off the ground within the hour and have you land the as close as you can to san francisco, and i’ll- i’ll get a car to be there for you can you can drive the rest of the way but phoebe you need to be there. and phoebe’s like to do what? and jason’s like to tell her how much you need her. and phoebe just sort of wipes off her tears and is like okay and jason’s like i call the pilot and phoebe’s like there’s no time. i just need some rosemary, cypress, and yarrow root. and jason’s like what? and phoebe’s already like dragging stuff down from the cabinets and mixing it all in a bowl and like grabs a knife and jason’s just sorta like !!! and phoebe’s you know like power of the witches rise / course unseen across the skies / magic that i must unbind / a lost sister i must find and she looks over and jason and she’s terrified and jason kisses her and says i love you and phoebe says i love you too and she cuts open her finger spilling blood and chants blood to blood i call to you / blood to blood i return to and like a swirl of witches orbs and she’s gone and jason just hopes she comes back bc he’s got a ring ready for her when she does. and phoebe finds herself in the manor in the middle of what feels like a hurricane. and she can hear paige screaming outside. you do have a family, piper! we’re your family. and she hears piper scream and the earth shift and phoebe’s terrified like she might actually have a panic attack like terrified and she wonders if she should just go home where it’s safe but she looks around and. she is home. this is her home. and she can’t run anymore. and paige is still trying to talk piper down like wyatt still needs you! your son, wyatt, he needs his mother! and phoebe just hears a crashing sound and henry yelling like paige we need to get inside. and paige is like i’m staying right here! you hear that, piper? you’re gonna have to kill me, because there’s no way i’m leaving you! and phoebe like runs out in the pouring rain because she’s like 90% sure piper is about to kill paige so she just like. throws herself in front of paige, placing herself firmly between her and piper and yells piper! piper this isn’t you! you’re not a god you’re a charmed one! you’re my sister! you’re our family! and piper stops moving and it looks like tears might be running down her face but it might just be the torrential rain and phoebe starts walking towards her like you were there. when i was born. right in the living room piper you have been with me every second of my life! you taught me how to ride a bike! you let me back in after i ran away! and when i had lost myself to the greatest evil, when i thought i could never come back, you saved me, piper. come back. and she’d like a few feet away from piper and she can see how much this women changed how inhuman she’s become but it doesn’t matter bc she can still see piper and she just repeats like come back piper. come home. and thunder stops rumbling and the wind stops howling but it’s still a downpour of rain and paige hands all of her potions over to henry and runs over to piper and piper looks like a cornered animal and she just looks scared. she looks scared and angry and upset and she’s looking to phoebe and paige like she’s begging them to have the answers and paige is like you have a family. we’re your family. and piper’s like no. my family is gone. and phoebe’s like we’re right here. and piper words are just catching in her throat and she can’t even speak and when she hears the words i’m sorry, i should have never left you. the rain just stops all together and as she turns around to see leo her dress starts to disintegrate deteriorating like it would if it wasn’t held together by magic and she’s looking at leo like she can’t believe her eyes and leo just holds out his hands and is like i miss you, more than words can tell i miss you and i love you i never stopped i’ll never stop, piper... and there’s this insane amount of lightning and it just crackles everywhere and henry calls out because he’s sure paige just got fried and the whole place smells like ozone and when it clears and eyes adjust it’s piper, still a god, but different. moss no longer grows from her skin and vines don’t sprout from her hair, her ruined gown is back to a pristine white, and she’s holding leo’s hands. and leo’s just like come back home piper. and she hugs him, still crying as the essence of a god leaves her body. and phoebe and paige immediately make this a group hug completely forgetting boundaries bc like it’s piper again and they have waited so long to see piper again and piper just sort of. laughs, mixed in with a sob. and they all hold her so so super tight and she’s like okay people. can you let me breathe and uhh like Everyone is crying a lil bit (save for henry who’s just like. a lil bit confused) and piper goes back into the manor and sees like nexus!chris and she’s like woah why are you a ghost and chris is like it doesn’t matter. i’m gonna- i’m gonna go move on. it seems like the future’s saved, so... and leo’s like you don’t have to go. you could stay. and chris is like this isn’t my world. i’ve been clinging onto existence for too long, it’s time to let go and leo like looks at chris and he knows that he’s made up his mind and there’s no changing it so he just goes in to give chris a hug and when he does he actually cna make contact and he squeezes him tight and chris’s final words are just i love you, dad before he fades out of existence and piper’s like i’m sorry. dad? and leo’s like yeah um it’s a long story and piper’s like uh huh. and paige is like also i got married! and henry’s like hi. and piper’s like uh huh! okay! and she turns to phoebe like any surprises from you? and phoebe’s like no. um i’ve been going to a lot of therapy. and piper’s just like. alrighty then. and she’s sorta looking around the house and it’s sorta a shitshow like it’s been near destroyed by the storm and she’s just like you know looking around like fuck i really did all this oh god i just did like a lot of this i did a lot of damage around the world and leo notices her and is like. you know. by magic done can be magic undone. and piper’s like excuse me? and leo’s like whatever you did as a god. it can be reversed. it won’t change the memories of the time lost but... and piper’s just sort of nodding and she’s like it sounds like we’ll need the power of three and paige is like i can’t tell you how good it feels to hear that again and the girls all hold hands and close their eyes and phoebe starts off like a world out of balance a sisterhood broken / reunited and healed with these words spoken and paige is like we call on the power of three to guide us / drawing on good magic to save us from crisis and piper’s like to reverse the damage and harm that was done / we three witches ask as one and like top it off with an in unison as we will it / so mote it be and like you know a soft gold light like pours out and flows over everything you know the clouds part and the sun shines and the trees right themselves and glass repairs itself and henry’s like woahhh bc like he’s never seen magic on this level before and paige can’t help but smile and she kisses him and like piper’s with leo and phoebe’s like word. cue the screech of burning rubber sound of pounding footsteps and desperate knocking on the door and phoebe’s like i’ll get that i guess and she opens the door to find jason dean red faced and out of breath on her doorstep and phoebe’s like surprised and she goes in to hug him but as soon as he sees her he like drops to one knee and still trying to catch his breath pulls out a ring like phoebe halliwell will you marry me? and phoebe’s like !!! yes! and like jason’s driver comes up the front steps holding baby wyatt and he’s sorta hovering behind like is this jason’s baby he seems a lil busy right now i guess i’ll keep holding this kid when wyatt sees piper and is like mama! and orbing right out of that man’s handing into piper’s arms and jason’s like yeah uh pretend you didn’t see that and the drivers like yeah. i’m gonna go wait in the car. blah blah blah happy ending wyatt telekinetically closes the door.

[set-phasers-to-whump]

broken hearts

Prompt: grief, mourning loved one

Whumpee: Nick Burkhardt

Fandom: Grimm

consider this set in a sort of AU to season 4 where only the stuff i didn’t hate happened. basically there’s nothing with nick and adalind, no child or any of that, juliette idk but we don’t just straight up kill her. she’s not here but she’s not dead bc i Hate That. if you think about the timing of this too hard it won’t make any sense at all but too bad. my rules. basically take this as being sometime after kelly’s death but like not really connected to s5. idk. but oh well have fun!

Nick has been trying his hardest to be okay. He really has. He’s back at work and giving awkward half-smiles of thanks to the people that continually apologize to him; and politely refusing their offers to cover his shifts or bring him lunch or coffee. They’re always asking if he wants to talk. But he’s not talking to anyone about anything, because the second he stops moving he knows that everything is going to collapse. 

He doesn’t really sleep most nights. An hour here, fifteen minutes there. Any more than that and he wakes up screaming, the image of his mother’s head, neatly boxed up, burned into the backs of his eyes. As though he’s not already seeing her everywhere, all the time. 

So he doesn’t sleep. He doesn’t really cry, either. He thinks he should but there’s something stopping him. He avoids being around the people that care about him. He refuses to let them touch him. If they do, if there’s one friendly, kind, concerned hand on his body, he knows he is going to shatter, finally, no matter who or where. 

And maybe that wouldn’t be such a bad thing, he thinks, sometimes, when he’s lying awake at night on top of the covers of his bed with the lights all on. Maybe if there was someone with him, someone telling him that it would all be okay, someone just being there and letting him break and holding on to him. Maybe then he’d start to feel better, or at least feel less like he’s slowly sinking into something deep and dark that he knows he’s going to sink into until he reaches a point where he can’t get out. 

He doesn’t want that. He feels that deep, dark thing clawing at him sometimes, and has to stop himself from letting it out on someone that doesn’t deserve it. Or even someone that does, because then he will have to live with the consequences.

So this is his life. Fight the horrible grief and anger that builds continuously up under his skin, sleep for one or two hours a day and be put face-to-face with that grief and anger in the form of a screaming nightmare, wake up and wish that he could find it in himself to cry, go to work, avoid everyone, repeat. It hurts and he can feel it chipping away at him, and he knows, knows, knows that something is going to have to break eventually. But that eventually never really seems to come, so he just keeps on going. 

But, of course, nothing can hold on forever. The strongest chain breaks. The tallest building crumbles. The smallest wound bleeds you dry. Nick is no exception.

It happens on a windy, wet Tuesday night. Nick jolts awake shortly after midnight with a scream, the same way he’s been waking up for the past few weeks. 

His dream had been no worse than normal, but the thing about these kinds of dreams is that they never get any easier to have. His mind may be used to it, but all his body knows is grief. It reacts instinctively. He’s sweaty, and trembling, and his heart is pounding out of his chest, and he’s breathing in rapid, frantic inhales. He looks around the room like he’s afraid there’s something lurking in the corners and feels the beginning of a sob in his throat, which dies with a whimper before he can let it out. 

On the surface, there’s nothing different about this particular night. It’s the same nightmare he’s been having for weeks, the same reaction. Everything is as it’s been. And this is the problem. Everything is as it’s been for too long. The anger and grief that he’s been repressing and trying to ignore had never gone away. It’s just been compacted and shoved down, so that quite a lot of it could fit inside of his body, but it’s finally reached its bursting point. 

There’s no more space within him for any more anger or grief, not when he hasn’t let any of it properly out. Everything in him is screaming for some kind of release, but he can’t - he can’t, he doesn’t want to do it alone, he’s been alone too long and if he breaks now, by himself in the dark, he’s not sure he will ever be able to patch himself up. 

So he calls Hank, shaking hands fumbling in the dark, the ringing noise almost inaudible over his horribly shaky breathing. Hank picks up on the second ring.

“Nick? What’s wrong?” He sounds half-asleep, and ordinarily Nick would be kicking himself for not thinking to check the time, for waking up Hank with his own problems. But he can’t think about that now. All that matters is it’s Hank and he’s there.

He takes a shuddering breath and tries to hold back his tears for a little longer, though even just hearing Hank’s voice on the other end of the phone has nearly sent him over the edge. “I’m-” he says, and he can’t figure out what to say next. “I wanted, I needed, I…” He can’t think. Everything is too much and he just wants Hank to be there. 

“I’m coming, Nick, just hold on, okay?” 

And that does it. The fact that Hank is coming, without any kind of explanation from him, in the middle of the night, just breaks him. Suddenly, he’s crying, for, really, the first time since that awful night. Everything just comes pouring out of him, tearing its way out of his throat with such a force that he can’t quite breathe. Distantly, Hank says something, and Nick focuses on his voice as the world crumbles around him. 

He’s still sobbing, curled into a ball on the bed with his arms wrapped around his body, when Hank comes through the door. Nick doesn’t hear him at first, too completely caught up in his grief, but then there’s an arm around his shoulders and a weight settling next to him on the bed and a voice speaking softly and calmly and gently. 

“Hank,” he says, the name scratchy and raw as it leaves his aching throat. “Hank,” he repeats, and turns to the side so that Hank is no longer sitting next to him but instead is directly in front of him. He forces his eyes open, tears still pouring down his cheeks, and looks at Hank. 

Hank looks right back at him, and his face is clear and open even in the dark. “I’ve got you,” he says, like he’s making a promise. He reaches out his arms, and Nick sinks into them, pressing his face into Hank’s chest. 

He tries for a second to stop crying and say something, anything, but he may as well have tried to stop breathing. He coughs into the front of Hank’s shirt and inhales, sniffing. Another sob builds up in his throat and he tries to force it back down, half choking on it instead.

Hank’s arms wrap around him, then, and a hand rubs up and down his back. “Just let it out, man, it’s okay,” Hank says. So Nick does. He cries and cries and Hank doesn’t once try to stop him, just keeps holding on and saying those soft, gentle things. 

Eventually, what feels like hours later, Nick finally cries himself to sleep. Even then, Hank stays, gently shifting Nick off of himself and into a position more suitable for sleeping. He lies down next to Nick without considering any kind of alternative, and Nick, breathing evenly for the first time all night, with shiny tear tracks decorating his face, reaches out an unconscious, instinctual hand and grabs onto Hank, like it’s the most natural thing in the world. Hank returns the gesture, and soon the both of them are fast asleep.

--

Nick wakes up in the morning confused, with scratchy eyes and an aching throat and Hank still sleeping soundly next to him. The usual grief washes over him, and he settles into it a little easier than he had yesterday. Hank makes a soft noise in his sleep and Nick looks over at him, all peaceful and relaxed in the early morning light, and almost smiles. For the first time since his mother’s death, a thought occurs to him, and he wants so badly for it to be true. 

Maybe, just maybe, there will come a day where he is okay again.

Thanks so so much for reading this!!! The ending could be better but it could also be worse so wahoo on that. This was very idk nice to write i guess. Nothin like hurting your fave and giving them that comfort they so desperately need but could never normally ask for…..

[in-tua-deep]

Inktober day one: Birthday

Prompt list by @totallyevan​, here ;3c

below the cut bc long

“Happy Birthday to us!” Klaus cheers loudly, passing out the party hats that Five suspects he’d stolen from the dollar store. Klaus himself is wearing two, having explained unprompted that clearly he was wearing Ben’s hat for him as well.

“I’m not wearing this.” Diego tells them all severely, glaring at the bright paper cone. “Absolutely not.”

“C’mon, D.” Klaus rolls his eyes, “Be a good sport!”

He’s inching closer to Five as he says this, causing the boy to squint suspiciously out of the corner of his eye. The fact that Klaus is gripping another party hat in his hands gave more than the necessary hint as to what he was up to.

“If you even try,” Five informs his brother serenely, making Klaus freeze in place, “Not even the buzzards will find your body.”

“Five,” Vanya says admonishingly. He gives his sister a scowl and crosses his arms. He’s not going to bow to this idiocy just because his favorite sister is looking at him like that. He’s not.

“If Diego doesn’t have to wear one then I don’t have to, either.” Five declares, and as one the entire family swings around to stare at Diego, who pinks at the attention and hunches his shoulders defensively. 

“If I have to wear one, everyone has to wear one.” Luther scowls, and he really does look ridiculous with the tiny party hat against his big body. However, this input has the opposite effect of getting Diego to fall in line and he tosses the hat onto the table.

“Everyone has to wear one anyway, because it’s our birthday! Birthdays! We have to celebrate!” Klaus exclaims, leaning so far over the table that it’s a very real possibility that he’s going to tip over and crash. “We’re all together! For the first time in ages! Together birthday bash!”

“It’s not even your birthday.” Five’s voice cuts through the noise, making everyone blink and turn to him. Not expecting the attention, Five takes a small step back. “I mean - Klaus was in Vietnam for ten months. Technically his 30th birthday was… ten months ago. His 31st is in two months. It’s not today.”

Klaus blinks as the rest of the family turns towards him. “Hey hey, that’s not fair. That’s not what a birthday is! A birthday is the day you were born, and I’ll thank you all to remember that I was born on October 1st just like the rest of you.”

“A birthday is the celebration of surviving another 365 days,” Five rebuffs, “Otherwise people born on leap years would be legally toddlers their whole lives.”

“Is it the days that your mind has gone through or your body?” Vanya interrupts, looking contemplative. “Because you ended up in your younger body, Five. Does that make this your 59th birthday or your 14th?”

Five sputters with incoherent rage, as he always does when his physical vs. mental age is brought up, but the other siblings are picking up that thread now.

“If he has the body he left in,” Allison muses aloud, “And he left in November, right? We’d only just turned thirteen, right? So from April 1st to now is what, six months? So wouldn’t Five still be thirteen?”

“I am not thirteen!” Five hollers and is generally ignored by the rest of the family. As he always is when he tries to protest against being treated like a child.

“Your body is still thirteen.” Luther attempts to soothe, “We know you’re not actually thirteen.”

Five does not appreciate this. Five has never appreciated this argument. No one is sure why Luther thinks it might work this time when the evidence against it is so strong. 

“I think everyone is getting off topic right now!” Klaus yells, slamming his hands on the table enthusiastically, right before he picks them up and rubs at them with a small whimper. Probably not his best idea, but at this point he’s committed. “What Five was really saying - is that I’m totally the oldest sibling now and by rules of oldest sibling I get to make everyone wear a party hat.”

There’s a short pause as they digest this information, and then absolute chaos as everyone immediately starts protesting as one. 

“Absolutely not,” Allison is saying, shaking her head and looking vaguely horrified at the fact that technically Klaus is the oldest of them.

Luther and Diego seem to be attempting to compete with one another with sheer volume of their arguments against Klaus’s claims to the point that no one can understand either of them. 

“I’m the oldest!” Five howls in outrage, slamming his own hands against the poor table and not even flinching. It’s much more impressive than Klaus’s earlier similar gesture.

“Nuh uh!” Klaus shoots back, very maturely. “In body! I have the body of an almost-32-year-old! Everyone else is 30, and you’re 13! That makes me the oldest!”

“He has a point.” Vanya, the only sibling still sitting calmly in her party hat, shrugs. Since coming off her meds she’s kind of become a little shit - giving the illusion of a neutral party while absolutely stirring shit within the family. Everyone figures it’s only fair after everything that’s happened though. 

“No he doesn’t!” Five looks a little bit like he’s going to hurl himself across the table and physically fight Klaus, just that tiny mad gleam in his eyes, “I did not spend fucking decades in the apocalypse to be delegated to youngest siblings because of a fucking math error!”

“Well maybe ya shouldn’t have made the error!” Klaus shoots back, sniffing and crossing his arms like he’s the offended party in this discussion. 

Five makes a strangled noise and then does launch himself across the table. Klaus yelps and stumbles backwards, tripping over his own two feet (albeit helped somewhat by the long rainbow feather boa that also looks like it came from dollar tree) and lands with a thump on his ass. He only has a few seconds before Five is making a grab for him and he starts outright screaming.

“Five!” Allison shouts, which Luther takes as his cue to at least try and resolve this situation. Of course, he does it in the worst possible way by scooping Five up by his armpits and physically trying to yank him off of Klaus.

This might have worked, if Five didn’t have a death grip on the brother he was currently most furious with. As it is, Klaus is yanked up alongside Five. Klaus was still screaming. 

“What is going on in here?” A voice cuts through the insanity and everyone freezes.

Grace stands in the doorway with a cake in her hands, blinking at the absolutely chaotic scene before her.

Luther is halfway through folding in pain because one of Five’s sneakered feet is buried in his gut, while Five holds Klaus in a chokehold and refuses to let go, and Diego has come around and has his arms on Klaus’s arm to try and yank him away from their feral brother.

Allison is standing with her hands on her hips, mouth snapped shut where it was previously yelling at everyone, and Vanya is balancing precariously on two legs on the chair that she hasn’t yet moved from as she contemplates the insanity involved with being included as a member of the family. 

“Hi mom.” Vanya offers into the silence.

“It’s Klaus’s fault!” Five bursts out before Grace can even answer.

“Is not!” Klaus shoots back, slapping at Five’s arm that is still wrapped around his neck.

“Is too!” Five shoots back, tightening his grip and making Klaus yell. This almost sparks into an entirely new scuffle as Diego starts to move and Luther unfolds - but thankfully they are interrupted.

“Boys,” Grace tuts, looking almost disappointed. “Can you not all try to get along, on today of all days?”

That makes Five finally release his grip on Klaus. Unfortunately, Klaus was not expecting this and shoots into Diego, making them both tumble to the floor. Luther was also not expecting the sudden loss of weight and Five shoots up in his arms like a jack in the box and is very nearly tossed across the room, and would have been if Luther’s grip had been any less secure. 

“Five!” Diego snaps, hauling himself to his feet and bringing Klaus along for the ride. Klaus now only has one party hat perched precariously on his head, the other one having vanished to places unknown. His remaining one looks like it has seen better days.

“Diego.” Five shoots back, mockingly.

“Boys.” Grace says firmly, making them both look abashed. “Luther, put Five down. Diego, Klaus, why don’t you two take a seat. You can all tell me what this was about.”

“Klaus was trying to get us to wear his stupid party hats.” Five offers as soon as his feet hit the ground and he pulls out a chair. 

“They’re not stupid!” Klaus squawks in outrage, “And Five said it’s not my birthday!”

“It’s not my fault you time traveled that first time! You did that all by yourself.” Five shoots back, leaning forward to better engage in the argument, but pauses when he sees the looks Grace is shooting all of them. Disappointed. He slumps back down in his chair and crosses his arms resentfully. 

“Klaus,” Grace says gently, “Why are the party hats so important to you?”

Klaus crosses his arms as well, looking at the table. “‘Cause it’s our birthday. An’ it’s our first birthday together for seventeen years. I just wanted it to be special, and we never got proper birthdays as kids.”

The table is silent for a minute before Diego sighs loudly and snatches up his previously discarded party hat and jams it on his head. “Happy now?” He demands gruffly. 

Klaus gives him a watery smile in response.

“Five?” Grace asks, “Why is it so important for you to not wear the party hat?”

Five shuffles in his seat, not making eye contact. “‘S childish and dumb.” He mutters under his breath, but the silence at the table means that it’s heard loud and clear. 

“Why?” Grace asks again, gently. 

“I’m not a child.” Five says, scowling at the surface of the table, “The others all want to - I dunno, vicariously live their childhoods through me or whatever but they don’t care that it’s not what I want. I’m not a kid and I don’t want to be childish.”

“Everyone else is wearing the dumb hats and none of us are kids,” Diego points out, rolling his eyes. The other faces at the table look a tiny bit more thoughtful. Allison’s is going through some interesting mental gymnastics in the corner. 

“None of you look like kids. It doesn’t matter if you’re childish or whatever because no one is going to mistake you guys for dumb kids.” Five scowls.

“But,” Grace interrupts, raising a finger, “Everyone here is well aware that your physical body does not match your mental state. So no one here would mistake you for a real child for partaking.”

“Except they do!” Five protests, voice cracking embarrassingly. But he forges on regardless, “They’re constantly treating me like a little kid! And every time we go out and someone says something they all tease me like it’s all one big joke to them, but this is my life! This is reality for me, and it sucks!”

Deafening silence follows this outburst. 

“Five…” Allison says, but the sentence doesn’t go anywhere. 

“You don’t have to wear the party hat.” Klaus offers after another beat of silence.

“It’s not about the stupid hat at this point, Klaus.” Diego hisses, elbowing Klaus none too gently. 

Grace holds up a hand and everyone quiets down. “Five,” She says, “Is it just the hat, or is it something else about all this that makes you feel childish.”

Five’s shoulders are up around his ears and he hunches down in his chair even further. “I dunno. The hat yeah. And the decorations. And the stupid paper plates. And the cake. It’s all just… stupid.”

“The birthday party itself is childish.” Grace clarifies. 

“Yeah I guess.” Five shrugs. “I mean, I haven’t celebrated my birthday since I was…”

“Since you were thirteen.” Grace supplies softly. 

Five can only shrug again. “I mean, I didn’t exactly know when I landed - only that it was after April 1st I guess. I only really counted like, summers and winters? Instead of months that is.  Because there weren’t months or days or whatever anymore. So it’s not like I knew whenever October 1st rolled around.”

“And the Commission?” Grace asks.

“The Commission was - ” Five frowns to himself, “It was timeless. There weren’t really seasons? And when I went on missions there were seasons but there weren’t constant seasons, or months, or days, or anything. I’d have a missions one day where it snowed and the next week I was sent somewhere in the height of summer. It was weird. I think they do it on purpose though, to keep everyone off balance.”

“So this is your first real October 1st in a very long time.” Grace nods sympathetically. “So, do you know what an adult birthday party looks like?”

Five pauses, frown deepening. “No one in the Commission celebrated their birthdays and they were adults.”

“But you’ve mentioned you didn’t socialize within the Commission,” Grace points out, “So isn’t it possible that there were birthday parties you just didn’t get invited to?”

“I guess.” Five concedes.

Grace presses on, “So isn’t it possible that all of this,” She gestures at the paper plates and the party hats and the cake she set down with the delicately frosted letters, “Is in fact typical of an adult birthday party and that key features between child and adult birthday parties don’t change?”

“Diego didn’t want to wear a hat.” Five maintains his stance.

Grace tilts her head, “Is Diego your role model for adult life, Five?”

Five instantly is sputtering out denials and the others are laughing into their hands. Diego, for his part, looks incredibly offended by the direction this conversation has taken. 

“If you had to pick one of your siblings to say who was the most adult,” Grace continues on easily, “Who would it be?”

Five actually looks thoughtful at the question. He looks up in thought before finally offering, “Vanya, I guess? She actually has a steady job. And a home. And she pays taxes.”

“Is Vanya wearing a hat?” 

Vanya is indeed still wearing her bright and colorful birthday hat. 

There’s a beat of silence, before - “Fine, I’ll wear the stupid hat. But if anyone says the words cute or adorable or young man or anything along those lines then I can’t be held responsible for my actions.”

“No one is going to treat you like a child today, Five.” Grace assures him, giving the rest of the family a look which there’s no arguing with. They sheepishly nod their heads in agreement, even though there was almost certainly teasing planned at the beginning of the day. 

Grace smiles benignly at her children and claps her hands, “In that case, it’s time for the cake! I have the candles here, though I’m afraid since there’s only one cake you’ll all simply have to blow out the candles together.”

The kids gather round as Grace dims the lights to make the fire of the candles stand out all the more brightly. Mercifully, the group as a whole elects to skip the birthday song since it’s pretty much everyone’s birthday.

“Make a wish!” Grace commands, stepping back. Without needing further prompting, the group leans forward to blow, and the candles flicker out as quickly as they were lit.

Diego brings out a knife and starts a debate to the side about whether his knives should be allowed to doubly function as food knives. Allison stands up so she can straighten Luther’s party hat where the earlier fight knocked it off kilter. Grace moves to stand behind Five, placing a kind hand on his shoulder.

He looks up at her, looking contemplative. “Aren’t wishes for children?” He asks her, even though he participated along with the rest of them.

“Wishes are for everyone.” Grace informs him with a smile, leaning down and and pressing a kiss against his forehead. He made a face at her, so reminiscent of when he was younger, but didn’t move to scrub the kiss away like he might have done back in those days. 

“Happy Birthday, Five.”

“Thanks, Mom.”

[daycollins]

{ zendaya ☁ twenty six ☁ she/her }  among the whispers around peach hollow, have you heard of daysia collins? no? well, let’s catch you up to speed. rumor has it, she’s been seen strolling around blueberry boulevard & have lived in peach hollow for six years. it’s good to have her around because i hear she’s a crisis counselor for a living. recent events must have her trembling because it hasn’t be long since everyone found out she flunked school. let’s hope they learned their lesson that the truth always catches up to you.

yall know me. i’m kim, i play winnie, and i’m one of the admins!!  this is my damaged but optimistic baby, daysia. ITS PRONOUNCED LIKE DEJA VU :’) i just created her in november but she so quickly became my favorite muse to write. so buckle up! and pls plot w me. i am fragile and if i don’t get any plots i will hide in a dumpster, where i belong.

TW FOR DEATH, DRUG USE, ALCOHOLISM, CAR ACCIDENT

here is her pinterest and a spotify playlist if you wanna check those out ~

daysia jade, day, dj, deej – anything goes. she’s 23 and will turn her head to just about anything. she’s a spring baby born march, 1996.

her childhood was pretty good. she and her brother grew up a year apart, and her parents divorced early. early enough that daysia can barely remember a time where the family was hole, and likes it that way.

however, her father did not take the divorce well and turned to drugs – meth to be specific. he only saw the kids on weekends and even then, daysia and marcus absolutely knew what was happening. perhaps they didn’t know his choice of poison, but they knew that it was just that: poison.

he was never abusive and always took care of the kids, even if he was tweaking out of his mind. there were a few instances that were touch and go, like when he forgot to take dinner out of the oven and it caught fire, or when he forgot to change the sheets – little things that added up.

when daysia was 16 and marcus was 15, they were involved in a car accident. her dad was high behind the wheel, lost control of the car, and they hit the guard rail. they went over an embankment and down a short hill before the vehicle came to a complete stop, flipped over. she watched the life drain from her brother’s face, and never got into a car again.

a good deal of resentment built up for her father, but she remained stoic, even when he went to prison for drug charges and the dui he’d racked up that ultimately killed her brother. she didn’t let anyone know that she was hurting, because she numbed it all. she threw herself into her school work and her artwork, painting constantly. melting colors together somehow helped her cope. she could get her emotions out on paper. in fact, that still rings true today. in her bedroom of the apartment she lives in, she has covered one of the walls in canvas and paints over and over.

in an effort to start life over, daysia left detroit when she graduated high school. she transferred to peach hollow where she went to winchester university, not wanting a lot of attention. this is where she really came to life.

daysia was able to push michigan to the back of her mind entirely, because peach hollow had so much to offer. the people were better. the music was better. the parties were better. the education was better. there wasn’t a single thing she missed from home aside from her mother, who she kept in regular contact with and still does. they’re always texting and facetime before bed every night.

she came alive. college changed her. she was studying a subject that interested her and meeting people who didn’t have to know about her past. she did, and does everything to keep michigan her dirty little secret. she liked the party scene, but only drank or smoked weed. she refuses to touch anything that might turn her into her father. she was even hired on as a crisis counselor for a local hotline, contractual to her graduation.

in the past month, daysia has plummeted, however. nobody would ever be able to tell. she is the queen of poker face, an absolute delight to be around. she can be a little aloof, and is constantly stoned, but it’s how she gets through the day. she is an absolute goof, loves to crack jokes and make people laugh. she loves to laugh herself. these are all traits that show and cover the inner turmoil constantly trying to bubble to the surface.

daysia received word that her father passed away in jail. he overdosed, and she wasn’t sure how to feel. so she didn’t. she did, however, stop doing school work and started drinking more. she flunked out of school and lost her job.

at the same time, she got into her first serious relationship. day fell hard and fast for her best friend, mac. their relationship started out much like a fairy tale. she wanted to keep it like that forever, but her addiction and ptsd took over. she tried her very hardest to hold onto mac, but he moved back to nyc with their best friend, dom, in tow. she still misses them to this day and finds it hard to keep friends like she kept them close. the littlest things will remind her of mac and she’ll start to spiral. two years later and she’s still hung up, but she’ll deny it to the very end.

it’s safe to say that when this happened, daysia crumbled. she realized just how many people she’d lost and how many she had -- and she didn’t have anyone at that point, or so she thought. she continued to isolate and stopped answering her phone, and within the week, her mother was there to drag her home to detroit for detox. 

she spent the next few weeks laying in the bathroom, going through withdrawal from alcohol and the various benzos she’d started eating like candy. things were bad. her mother never left her side, and after many na and aa meetings, after snatching pill bottles and miniatures out of her room for months, daysia cleaned up her act. she put on a healthy amount of weight, started working out, went to aa or na two or three times a day until she was comfortable enough to skirt by a day or two without one. she finished up her degree that summer and started waiting tables. she saved up every cent, finally having enough money and credit built up to buy a house where she really wanted to be: peach hollow.

after talking to her old boss, they agreed to take her back on as a crisis counselor when she moved back

so the newly clean and sober (aside from weed lol) daysia is living in a house on blueberry boulevard with @dawsonsawyer​

as for her personality and relationships, daysia excels. she is nurturing, so when a friend, or even a stranger is hurting, she tends to go to their side and comfort them. as long as she can make them laugh, then everything will be okay. she makes friends pretty easily, and keeps them for the most part. she is fiercely loyal and will absolutely scrap to defend her loved ones.

she loves love. there is no gender she isn’t curious about and absolutely loves romance, though she also tries to hide that. her walls are ten feet tall. she’s in to hook ups, flings, and polyamory. she’s very open in that sense!!

FUN FACTS

she has an english bull dog named frank!! he is her pride and joy. she dresses him up in outfits, has regular photo shoots with him and loves going to the dog park. he isn’t legally an emotional support animal, but that’s definitely what he is to her. if he doesn’t like you, she won’t either tbh

she has this lil purple pen looking thing that is always on her. it’s her weed vape and she will hit it anywhere. her dumb head is always in the mfing clouds

she has a spotify family plan that is currently only her, mac, and dom and she will absolutely invite anyone she meets bc spotify premium is something everyone should enjoy

wears a lot of graphic tees and jeans, kinda a tom boy. doesn’t love dressing up but will occasionally. also doesn’t rly like make up but DOES know how to beat her face

1000% unable to be alone for like any period of time?? like if she gets off work and no one is in her apartment she just leaves. she goes next door to mac, goes to the peach pit, anywhere she can socialize. being left to her own thoughts will always turn out poorly.

really loves poetry. cannot write it to save her life, but loves going to slam readings or checking out poetry books from the library. her adhd brain can’t handle novels – poetry is just the right length to keep her attention and dig into her soul.

oh yeah, she’s got some pretty intense untreated adhd lol

OK SO WANTED CONNECTIONS IF UR STILL HERE LMAO

ex-roommate: something happened between daysia and this person, whether it was a relationship gone wrong, a friendship with tension, or just the other person being a damn slob – and daysia removed them from the house and moved someone new in. they are probably on shitty terms.

current flings: a few people are probably on her list of suitors right now. people she spends time with romantically, but hasn’t committed to. she absolutely cannot be alone, at any point… ever! so, she has someone with her at all times. m/f/nb, all good.

party friends:  this one is pretty self explanatory!! these are friends that daysia may or may not talk to outside of a party, but will always cling to at one.

close friends: she lets very few people all the way in, but those that make it are generally taken care of by day. she makes sure that they are as comfortable with life as possible and spends a lot of time with them

exes: as daysia is a ticking time bomb, there have been many people she’s blown off. whether they once hooked up, were together, or what have you, daysia has a lot of exes. she never means to hurt anyone. it just sort of happens and she has accepted it.

[writingpcges]

— "i have a horrible feeling I am a greedy, perverted, selfish, apathetic, cynical, depraved, morally bankrupt woman who can’t even call herself a feminist." - fleabag

MANNERISMS:

What words or phrases do they overuse?

she uses the word ‘basically’ a lot. she also definitely overuses her britishisms but that’s mainly because she’d been living there for the last few years. favouite curse word is ‘fuck’. ends too many sentences with the word ‘me’.

Are they more optimistic or pessimistic?

ellie will tell you she’s a realist, though she does tend towards optimism, particularly when it comes to the outcomes of certain events in her life. 

What bad habits do they have?

speaking before she speaks, drinking way too much coffee (and as a result has developed an unhealthy addiction to breath mints, seriously she’s always gone some on her person!), nail biting/picking (particularly when she’s nervous/bored), flirting before thinking (she’s sure your partner is great, she just didn’t consider their existence), pouting until she gets what she wants.

What makes them laugh out loud?

friends reruns, friends in general, lana sullivan. she’s also the sort to laugh at her friends embarrassments/trip ups but would also be the first to bail you out in a bind so figurers that balances things out. 

How do they display affection?

little touches (on your arm, your shoulder, your lower back), little gifts/things she’s seen that remind her of you, sending random texts/pictures throughout her day, sharing anecdotes/gossip. 

Do they make snap judgements or take time to consider?

she’s an impulsive little sun of a gun, just ask lana. she detests feeling stuck and that has driven her to make many questionable decisions and has resulted in the breaking down of some important relationships in her life. 

How do they react to praise?

she THRIVES off of it. like tinkerbell she needs applause and praise to live. 

How do they react to criticism?

she’ll tell you she can take it, and that’s not totally untrue, as an actress she has developed a fairly thick skin but she only really takes constructive criticism well. trolly comments on the internet will send her into a tailspin and often result in her seeking some outside affirmation of her awesomeness (often in the form of hookups or friendly cheerleaders). 

What is their philosophy of life?

work hard and be kind. 

When was the last time they cried?

professionally? daily, her current project requires a lot of mental gymnastics. personally? after meeting up with lana. 

If they could change one thing about themselves, what would it be?

apart from forever appearing ageless?? physically she wouldn’t mind being a little taller, but she thinks her face is nice and her ass is good so she happy with her appearance. there are a lot of internal things she’d change about herself but mainly she’d like to be braver and a little more vulnerable about the things that matter with the people she loves. 

What is their obsession?

herself?? sex?? skin care??

What are their pet peeves? 

she does get annoyed easily and pinning down what will set her off from one day to the next isn’t an exact science but some things that never fail are slow walkers, people who talk on their phone in public, traffic (she probs shouldn’t drive bc the road rage is real), and people who insist on continuing conversations when she’s clearly checked out. 

FRIENDS&FAMILY:

Is their family big or small? Who does it consist of?

pretty small, just her dad, step mum and gran left. 

What is their perception of family?

family used to be everything but after her mum passed ellie hasn’t been super connected to her family, with the exception of her gran who is her favouite person in the whole world. 

Do they have siblings? Older or younger?

she’s an only child, i’m sure this surprises no one. 

Describe their best friend.

the real yin to her yang and the one person she will never put the moves on because it would totally ruin their vibe. also it would be weird because they are basically sisters at this point. if ellie is ever able to sit still long enough to sit and think things through things it is down to this person. big mom friend vibes. 10/10 angel on earth. 

Do they have any pets?

oh god no, she shouldn’t be trusted to care for a living creature. 

PAST&FUTURE:

What was your character like as a teen?

not unlike herself now, which speaks to her emotional maturity but much more moody and reckless, very little regard for the consequences of her actions, and pretty listless/unmotivated. she’s since learned to reel some of that in as she’s focussed on her career. 

Did they grow up rich or poor?

middle class, they were comfortable, but they didn’t go on holiday every school break or anything. 

Did they grow up nurtured or neglected?

nurtured, but when she lost her mum she an her dad started to neglect each other. 

What is their greatest achievement?

winning a bafta. 

What was their first kiss like?

awkward and the result of a game of spin the bottle gone wrong -- she’d really wanted to kiss matt jones but instead the bottle had landed on rory tyler. 

What is the worst thing they did to someone they loved?

LEFT THEM AT THE ALTAR?! 

What are their ambitions?

she’d really like to have a career that lasts past her 35th birthday

What advice would they give their younger self?

hang in there, be kinder to mum, go easier on dad, don’t forget to keep your promises. 

What smells remind them of their childhood?

cinnamon sugar and french toast, mum would make it every sunday. 

What was their childhood ambition?

to be an actress and a unicorn doctor, so she’s definitely lived up to some of her childhood ambitions!

What does their five-year plan look like?

become a house hold name, successfully bake banana bread, take a dance class, learn to play piano, take someone she loves to an awards show. 

LOVE:

Do they believe in love at first sight?

no, not even a little which is funny because she is definitely the sort to fall quickly. 

Are they in a relationship? Are they in love?

no, but she is still in love with her ex so that’s fun. particularly for someone whose default is to seek vey surface level/fun ‘relationships’.

How do they behave in a relationship?

depends on the relationship and the person, honestly. ellie hasn’t been in many serious relationships because she typically bolts at the first sign of feeeelings as she tends to lean towards her need for freedom rather than commitment but on the rare occasion her heart has fallen before her brain was able to catch on she’s been quite happy to hermit with her partner. she becomes so smitten the idea of wanting someone else escapes her completely. 

When did your character last have sex?

probably last night. or this morning. she’s a ho and she doesn’t like to be alone. that’s when things like thinking happen and that’s no good! 

Has your character ever been in love?

yes, twice. and both instances left her gutted. 

Have they ever had their heart broken?

she has, but in the end it’s usually by herself as she has the tendency to leave before she gets left. 

Are they crushing on anyone now? Tag them!

lana (and also probs sabrina lbh): @lauralaword​ , sean: @gapsofsvnlight​ , quinn: @sonderbound​ , and probs pyper: @chvrryglcss​ bc she seems emotionally unavailable and ellie likes a challenge, plus she a babe. guys i said she’s a ho. 

WORK&LIFE:

What is their current job?

actress, she’s also an aspiring screen writer/playwright and director, but that’s mainly born of fear of what she’ll do when the industry decides she’s too old to play a lead

What do they think about their current job?

loves it, a +, everything she’d hoped it be even if the hours are maybe a bit longer than she’d like and she doesn’t always love feeling like she has to hide parts of herself from rabid fans/news sources, but she likes her privacy. 

What are some of their past jobs?

bag girl, ride attendant, bartender (at uni), nanny, waitress, and snow white for a tick!

What are their hobbies?

she likes to read and netflix, but her main hobby is bugging her mates until they entertain her. 

Educational background?

went to the royal academy of dramatic art in london where she studied acting. 

Do they have a natural talent for something?

photography, the written word, charming her way into your pants. 

Do they play a sport? Are they any good?

no, she does not sport well nor does she understand any of the rules. her disdain for football is just another point of contention between her and her father. 

MISC:

What is in their fridge?

a half drank bottle of vodka, seltzer, diet coke, some probiotics she never takes and a variety of take out containers. she does not cook. 

What is on their bedside table?

cellphone charger, a book she’s been trying to finish for ages, and a sound machine. 

What kinda car do they drive, and is their car messy or clean?

honestly she couldn’t tell you the make or model unless she read the manual butt it gets her to auditions and that’s all that matters. it’s basically always got at least three changes of clothes and a takeaway coffee cup and/or wrapper somewhere so if you think that’s messy...  

Do they carry a purse? What is in their purse or wallet?

usually, but if she’s out at retrograde she’ll pair her essentials down to things that can fit in her pocket -- basically that means a lip (red if she’s feeling feisty or insecure), her debit card, her cell and some mints. her purse has at any given time four different lips, a chapstick, some gloss, three packs of gum, mints, a pack of emergency smokes (for when things get intense and she needs to break her clean streak), her wallet, a compact, an umbrella, and so many receipts! 

What is in their pockets?

if she has her purse they’re likely empty, if she doesn’t all the things. also sometimes her hands when she doesn’t know what to do with them. 

What is their most treasured possession? 

her mums wedding band, she wears it basically all the time on her index finger. 

[draculaurennn]

i wanted to do something for Padrika, so here I am! making garbage little graphics bc i haven’t made one in like 456543 years and using asks from @indoril-nerevar-mora​. 

💙 What would your OCs last words be (or if they’ve died what were their last words)? What were their final moments like? How did they die?

Padrika died once already! She was about ten, and has

almost

no recollection of it. To her memory, she’s just always existed, but bits and pieces surface often, even though they mean pretty much nothing to her. The reality is, when she was young, she went missing in her community, but no one really noticed or cared. Her parents could afford to not feed a child, and they were already unusually outside the community for being transient folk. Padrika doesn’t remember how she was stolen away, or who it was. 

The reality was it was just some man. His intentions weren’t kind, snatching her off because she was often unattended and never really home, and was just a girl who no one would really miss... or apparently look for. In her struggle, he ended up strangling her by the mireside. Not long before she faded out completely, something grabbed her by the foot and pulled her into the water; something else grabbed her assailant, and he was dragged down, too. Padrika’s was either meant to be a mercy killing by the rumored nymphs or it was meant to just pull her away; his was certainly not. She was gone by her first gulp of water, though. 

She had no last words, only screaming and choking. She remembers her eyes full of stars.

💧 What’s the worst pain your OC has ever been in? Mental or physical? What was the cause of this?

I honestly don’t think Padrika could remember any pain as worse than the other. She doesn’t really acknowledge pain? It’s hard to explain. The worst “pain” she’s ever had was probably mental, in the form of her later entrapment in the kingdom of Litwin. But she doesn’t really recognize entrapment as a pain, just as a blight on her very confusing existence. She doesn’t really realize it, but that reoccurs often in her heart alongside anger and frustration, and it’s made her obstinate to doing what she’s told or staying where she doesn’t want to be. 

🔷 Has your OC ever had to leave something behind or abandon something they didn’t want to? Have they ever had this happen to them? How has this effected them over the years?

The first time was the mire. The stars and the voices told her to pass off a sword, and out of sheer morbid curiosity, she did as she saw. The consequence was her capture; she was dragged from the water and kept in a soggy crate of tarp and water for days, until she was transported to Litwin. She didn’t want to go. All she wanted was to give them the sword and stop the visions, but that didn’t happen.

Then they kept her in a beautiful room with anything she could have asked for, except for her freedom, which they wouldn’t give. The young man who took the sword, who used it to raze the kingdom and then sit on the throne, hoped that by keeping her as a good luck charm she’d provide more visions to his inevitable victory. Padrika felt more like she’d helped murder thousands and displace thousands more. But she was more than happy to abandon Litwin when her opportunity to escape appeared. 

She worried about going back; bound in a different body by a little curse, she couldn’t very well slip into her old home and hope rusalka just let her stay. She also couldn’t survive under the water in a mortal body. So she picked up sailing, worked hard for her own boat, and allowed herself to sail free and unbound on her own terms. She was very proud of the boat she restored, the teacups and glass bottles she was collecting, and all of her journals of songs. But, then that was destroyed in a fight with vodyanoy, and Padrika felt the most grief and loss and anger she’d ever experienced in her entire life. She tries not to let it make her bitter, but it’s rooted itself deeply in her frustration as she once again finds herself lost and her existence both confusing and void of purpose. 

?❄️ What is (one of) their biggest regrets or biggest mistake they’ve made? Is there anything they can do to fix this or is it so far gone there’s no point anymore? Is this something they dwell on a lot?

Padrika hasn’t really

realized

 how much she laments on this, but she does hold herself responsible for the siege on Litwin. No rational part of her says it isn’t her fault. As far as she’s concerned, she gave a legendary blade to a young man who used it to murder and pillage and torture an entire kingdom as he ascended the throne. Women and children and innocent workers she had no relations to were bastardized in front of her, peering at the massacre through slats in a crate. 

She tries so incredibly hard to block these events out. She thinks about the as little as possible, she sleeps if they start to surface and hopes they’ll go away, and she ran as far as she possibly could in hopes that she never brought that sort of bad luck to innocent people ever again. It’s not only the biggest mistake she’s made, but in her very short and passive existence of doing almost nothing, her singular motivator and action resulted in the greatest albeit only mass casualty she’s ever witnessed, and she has never let that go.

💦 Does your OC have any self destructive habits? Addictions? Urges? What is the cause of these or the reason for them?

Padrika doesn’t form bonds because of her concerns of bringing bad luck on others. She worries if she gets close to others, attaches to others, makes friends with others, she’ll end up getting them killed. So she tends to isolate and prevent herself from being someone that anyone would keep around. 

She also has a tendency to drink, but it’s more out of sleep aid than it is a trauma or guilt-driven habit. 

☄️ Does your OC struggle with their emotions and trauma? Do they find it easier to open up to strangers or those close to them if at all? Do they tend to hide their pain from everyone?

Struggles is a strong word; fails to understand is a better way to explain it. She’s

generally

 good at keeping her moody changes to herself, and is rather good at not oversharing. Padrika doesn’t form attachments on principle, and likes to obscure any sort of worry or stress with an overabundance of combative confidence. She promised herself years ago she’d never cry in front of a person: not from stress, despair, fear, or pain, and she’s done incredibly well. 

It’s also important to note, though, that Padrika isn’t wallowing in some suffering 24/7. Reoccurrent feelings like this are only triggered, though she doesn’t really know what from. When they surface, she’s very good at chasing them away. She understands it’s important to dance, to play, to enjoy the freedom she does have now. But there’s also always times that stormy weather through smudged windows or abandoned villages with abandoned letters makes her feel melancholy and pained, and that’s something she’d become quite good at covering.

🔹 Does your OC have any scars? What are the stories behind them? Do they have any mental scars? 

Plenty of scars! They’re mostly little ones, scattered over her hands and arms from shipwork. The other little scattered ones are from falling, hitting rocks when she collapses from a vision, or just general diving accidents.No one in Litwin ever meant her harm; they wanted her to adapt and be happy there, so she received no physical harm. The only mental scars are the ones following her visions gave her, the misery of Litwin that rampaged because of what she’d done, and she swore to just quit listening to the visions after that. 

[nnegan13]

Okay, so the Boat Scene (as I am hereby calling it): chock full of symbolism and metaphors and it’s making me yell, quite frankly. 

Given that this is a period romance, each interaction between designated or potential love interests should be looked at with a Romantic Lens, which is how I drew these metaphors. I am no expert at script writing or directing or filming or anything involved with TV production, plus it’s really late and my brain isn’t working super well anymore lmao. Forgive me for not being the most coherent I’ve ever been. 

I’ve written a transcript of the dialogue as well as actions I find significant to the scene. It can be found here, along with where I use it in this meta. The video of the scene can be found here (ok it’s not working in my drive but I'm leaving it there in hopes that I'll remember to come back to it in the morning). also bc tumblr hates me I've put this all in a doc that has the original formatting I used if you want to, like, not be as confused as the tumblr formatting of this meta will make you lmao. 

now to the meta. @viviansternwood thanks for being my excuse to do this  lmaooo <3

The scene occurs in four shifts: rowing, rivers, boats, and rowing again. 

Shift the first: rowing 

Charlotte: It’s a little over an hour until the race Mr. Parker, I’m letting all the competitors know.  Sidney: Thank you. What do you think Miss Heywood, do I look ready to you?  C: I’m no expert.  S: Neither am I, regrettably. I haven’t picked up an oar in years. Sidney picks up the oars.  C: I’m sure it will come back to you. S: I wonder.  Sidney heads to the boat. Charlotte picks up her own set of oars and walks to the boat as well. She hands him the oars  S: Thank you. 

The dialogue is innocent enough, but the metaphor can be drawn looking at this line from Sidney: 

S: Neither am I, regrettably. I haven’t picked up an oar in years.

In years should immediately draw attention, given that Sidney also hasn’t been in a relationship since his with Eliza, years ago. With this connection, the metaphor that rowing skill is romantic skill is established. The scene reads much differently now: 

Charlotte: It’s a little over an hour until the race Mr. Parker, I’m letting all the competitors know.  Sidney: Thank you. What do you think Miss Heywood, do I look ready to you?  —> Do I look ready for a relationship? I mean, in your opinion?  C: I’m no expert.  —> I don’t know, I’ve never been in a relationship before, I’m no expert on them.  S: Neither am I, regrettably. I haven’t picked up an oar in years. —> I wouldn’t say I’m an expert on romance either, I haven’t been in a relationship in years.  Sidney picks up the oars.  C: I’m sure it will come back to you.  —> *thinking about the fact that his last girlfriend is back* I’m sure it won’t be a problem for you to work it out again.  S: I wonder.  —> *thinking about everything that’s gone wrong with Charlotte rather than Eliza in any capacity* I doubt it.  Sidney heads to the boat. Charlotte picks up her own set of oars and walks to the boat as well. She hands him the oars  S: Thank you. 

Now for the oars. I’m real big on word definitions so: 

Oars are specifically used to propel boats through the water. Sidney takes a set, Charlotte takes a set, they both end up in the boat. Onto shift two. 

Shift Two: the river and philosophy 

Since the romantic lens is already applied to this scene, we can just look straight at the dialogue without establishing the romantic connection.  

Charlotte begins to turn back to the tent.  —> Sidney sees her leaving and immediately calls her back. Like literally look at the video I’m gonna attach to the end of this and just scream. As soon as he sees her turn around he launches into this concept like, Sidney, dude, you’re not being subtle.  S: A man cannot step into the same river twice, you ever heard that?  —> I don’t think I can get back together with Eliza. Do you understand why?  Both sets of oars are now placed in the boat. During the last line, Sidney put Charlotte’s oars down as he spoke.  —> think of the definition of oars while I hold you in suspense for Shift the Third C: He is not the same man and it is not the same river.  —> You are not the same and neither is Eliza.  Sidney smiles.  —> Damn you understand me better than I understand myself.  C: It’s Heraclitus.  —> I have to cite my sources that aren’t my personal investments in your romantic life.  S: Yes. Of course you’d know that. Well— —> The fact that you know that pleases me to absolutely no end. 

Metaphor established: the river is Eliza and Sidney’s relationship, Sidney can’t step back into it because he is a different man. 

According to this neat philosophy website, Heraclitus’s original quote is more like  

Which apparently means something like this:  

Which in the context of our dear Sidney and Charlotte means that over the years, since personalities are not stagnant and people do change, Sidney “stepping into” Eliza would prompt not Sidney and Eliza getting back together, but Sidney turning toward Charlotte instead. 

Here’s the mental math bc I’m still a little confused (I’m not a philosopher, clearly): 

River = Eliza  River also is the same according to Heraclitus  Heraclitus also said “not everything is changing, but because some things (ie, Sidney) change, other things come into existence (ie, Sidney and Charlottes relationship) 

So, basically, the Heraclitus quote on the surface level is saying that Sidney and Eliza are two different people, so their relationship won’t work anymore, and on a deeper level (ie, fucking looking up the context of the Heraclitus quote for a meta about fictional characters) it’s saying that because Eliza hasn’t changed but Sidney has, Sidney and Charlotte’s relationship sprung into existence rather than Sidney staying the same with Eliza. 

If you don’t get the deeper level, it’s cool bc I also don’t really get the deeper level. The surface level works just fine for this conversation lmao. 

Shift the Third: boat 

Now, the third metaphor drawn is that of boats. Our Romance Lenses are on. 

Sidney unlashes the boat.  —> It’s already been established Sidney is Looking for Romance through the line “do I look ready to you?” Him unlashing the boat is him establishing that he’s trying to enter a relationship. He himself is unsure of exactly what he’s doing, but the fact that the scene is happening with Charlotte instead of with Eliza is pretty telling. He’s more unsure of what to do that who he’s doing it with. If you can’t tell, I have zero doubts about who Sidney has feelings for and who he doesn’t have feelings for.  S: —I need a second person to balance the boat, would you mind?  —> *Sidney, knowing that his relationship with Charlotte has been touch and go, realizes that he needs to be clear through all of this and establish that he does want her* I can’t exactly have a relationship by myself, do you want to do this with me?  He offers her his hand to help her get into the boat.  —> before this he looked away, which is where I got the idea that he realized the undertones/my meta of the situation as it was playing out. Gotta look away to compose yourself before asking the love of your life if she wants to get in a relationship with you, amirite?  C: I’m not sure if I —  —> Sidney, you confuse the ever-living hell out of me, I don’t even know if I’m the person you want to be with— S: Come on.  —> Charlotte, please, I want you.  Charlotte, unsure, gets into the boat, grabbing one of Sidney’s hands. His other hand goes to her waist. She rushes a little, and rocks the boat. He does not let go until the boat is steady again. —> The rocking of the boat is tell-tale of Charlotte’s character, she often rushes into situations without thinking them through, similar to how she gets onto the boat in a bit of a rush and it rocks. Sidney doesn’t let go of her waist until the boat steadies. Even with my interpretation of what Sidney said, Charlotte’s uncertainty means Sidney needs to be more explicit.  S: Careful. Sit down behind you.  —> It’s okay, I’ve got you, I’m here for you, it’s not just you here in this thing, I’m gonna be with you the whole time.  Sidney pats her hand before letting it go. He sets an oar in place, pushes them off, and starts rowing. —> He gives her a reassuring pat on the hand before letting her go. He lets her know where the best place to sit is, essentially reassuring here that he’s there to help her. The oar’s purpose is to propel the boat, Sidney sets the boat in motion.  

Jumping out of that last one to collect my thoughts. Since the boat is a metaphor for their relationship, Sidney is essentially asking Charlotte to enter into a romantic relationship with him (“I need a second person to balance the boat” meaning he can’t be in a relationship by himself). The entire way into the boat, Sidney is there to reassure Charlotte she isn’t going to fall into the water: they grasp hands, he takes a hold of her waist, he waits for the boat to stop rocking, directs her to where she can sit, and then lets go when they both know she’s not going to fall. 

Finally to the oars. Oars are meant to propel the boat forward and steer it through the water. Since the boat is the relationship, the oar is a metaphor for the effort put toward propelling the relationship ahead. Sidney first rows, as we can see from 1.06 and other bits of 1.07: he asks Charlotte to come to the ball with him, he stays by her side for the beginning of the party and only leaves when he has to help Tom. I assume once he was done he went to find wherever Charlotte went, and immediately asked her to dance. “I don’t want to dance with anyone else,” “I might wait for you downstairs if you don’t mind” (into 1.07 territory, now) C: you’re not nearly as unfeeling as you pretend “Well, if that is the case, I would ask you to keep it to yourself, I have a reputation to uphold.” (the fact that Charlotte is the only one to know he’s a big softie,,,,,,the implications of it all, also he’s establishing a teasing relationship with her here), plus everyone’s favorite from the end of the episode that I’m including just because it’s my meta and I want to lmao “I believe I am my best self, my truest self, when I’m with you.” 

He’s been doing the metaphorical romantic rowing (and for good reason, Charlotte’s been the one all season to fix their misunderstandings with one another, so he needs to step up lmao), and so he puts in the oar first and rows first. 

Shift Four: rowing, again 

Now that rowing has been established as a metaphor for the propulsion of their romantic relationship, the undertones of the physicality in this shift come out just as much as the undertones of the dialogue of this shift do. 

S: May I ask you something, Miss Heywood? Why is it, that when I finally have a chance at happiness, I cannot accept the fact?  —> Literally the girl I was going to marry is back and yet I can’t get myself to date her C: What is it that you cannot accept?  —> I want to die low-key over the fact that we’re talking about your ex, but I’m a good person so I’m going to help you talk through this. Also I want to know what you’re thinking.  S: I had convinced myself I was destined to remain alone, that I was ill-suited for matrimony. —> I thought I was gonna die alone but now I have trouble believing that? And coincidentally that trouble started up when I met you  C: I don’t believe that anybody is truly ill-suited to marriage, not even you. —> It hurts that you think you won’t get married because look at your face. Also I’m taking a jab at you because that’s how our relationship works. Also what the fuck do you think ill-suited means? Marriage isn’t a job that you have to have certain qualities for.  Sidney laughs.  —> I’m gonna get into the difference between matrimony and marriage below okay? Prepare yourself. Also Sidney has a thing for teasing big time.  C: I supposed it’s just a question of compatibility  —> Ill-suited doesn’t even mean what you think it means, you’ve got to try at marriage Sidney and just because your ex dumped you and is back now doesn’t mean you automatically have to get back with her. Destiny isn’t real. Marriage is about finding someone you work well with, not fulfilling some fairytale, destiny, fate thing.  S: Yes. I supposed you’re right. Now, its your turn, give me your hands.  —> I’m in love with you, just a little bit. Now let me teach you the art of metaphorical rowing.  They start rowing together. Both watch the progression of the oars to make sure it’s going smoothly.  —> Rowing has been established as propulsion of the relationship, Sidney is showing Charlotte that he wants her to row, he wants her to be a participant in their boat of a relationship.  S: Roll/row your hands. Good.  —> Sidney has seen here that Charlotte’s rowing works with his, he’s telling her that her rowing is working for him and for their boat.  Charlotte takes a moment to watch her rowing.  —> She’s looking to see what he’s seeing.  S: That’s it. Yeah, keep your back straight.  —> More reaffirmations that what she’s doing is working for him, that this is what he wants and that she’s doing great. Also an excuse to touch her because they’re both repressed horny on main this is a period romance and all touching automatically charges a scene both for the audience and for the characters. Sidney wants Charlotte to get that this is romantic.  Sidney touches her waist, she readjusts herself, he smiles. They’re both smiling wide, Sidney is laughing, Charlotte looks sure of herself for the first time in that scene. Camera cuts wide to show them on the boat together. Sidney lets go and Charlotte rows by herself. Eliza enters the scene and when it cuts back to the boat, they’re both rowing together again. When Sidney looks over when she calls, he’s smiling. Eliza looks unsure of herself. —> got slightly carried away on that last little bit but imagine the stuff about the waist touch down here. Now that Sidney’s reassured her, Charlotte’s uncertainty disappears, she looks sure of herself for the first time in the whole scene because Sidney has given clear indications that he wants to be with Charlotte which is what makes the entire scene with Eliza and Lady Susan later that much more heartbreaking she’s finally been given indication that her feelings are returned, that she’s not foolish for feeling as she is. When Sidney lets go, it’s an indication that the next batch of romantic rowing (beyond the end of the episode) is going to be done by Charlotte because of his declaration at the end of the episode. The camera cuts to Eliza but when it cuts back to the boat, they’re rowing together again, indicating that they’re together in what they’re feeling and that their relationship and feelings are strong. Sidney is fucking smiling when he looks over at Eliza on the shore because he was smiling at Charlotte when Eliza called to him. If their feelings weren’t strong, why would Eliza be looking so worried about the race she only entered because she knew she would win? 

Okay I kind of got carried away explaining in that last bullet point but you get the picture. Sidney rows first because he initiates the romantic development of their relationship (as in the development that can be looked at in universe, not just by the audience, as romantic), them rowing together is an affirmation that they’re on the same page (for the moment, soon ruined by the appearance of Eliza and Sidney’s loyalty and politeness to meaningful people in his life), and Charlotte rowing by herself is an indication that in the end, the decision is hers to add to the propulsion of the boat (ie decide whether or not she wants to be with Sidney), because the boat can’t be rowed by a single person. 

Now into the discussion of matrimony versus marriage.   

The definition of matrimony focuses on the ceremony of being wed, whereas marriage focuses on the partnership and relationship aspect of being wed. Sidney says he didn’t believe he was suited for matrimony, as in the ceremony. He focuses on the formal action because that’s what it’s meant in his life. The one woman he wanted to marry left him for someone with more money, clearly teaching him that marriage is a business transaction, not something romantic. Charlotte uses the word marriage, which emphasizes the actual relationship itself and being with another person, because she’s a romantic. She’s shown time and time again her belief in love throughout the season. Sidney doesn’t think he can participate in the business of matrimony, whereas Charlotte believes he can experience marriage and romance as long as he finds someone he is compatible with. Lads, 

Harmony brings us back to balance (“I need a second person to balance the boat”). Together brings us back to the rowing. 

Other thoughts/observations outside the shifts 

competitors: Stringer and Sidney, Eliza and Charlotte 

“Neither am I, regrettably. I haven’t picked up an oar in years.” —> call back to their conversation in 1.06, Charlotte calls him unfeeling, he says his life would’ve been easier if he was unfeeling, the romantic metaphor of the rowing shows that this line also means that Sidney regrets, at this moment for reasons we as the audience don’t know yet Charlotte, wishes he’d had romance in his life between when Eliza left him and now. 

“Of course you’d know that.” —> in-conversation kicking himself for underestimating her 

The rowing is a test of their compatibility. Idk if I got that in during all of that up there, but it’s late so I don’t feel like checking atm. 

He’s so gentle with her throughout the entire scene. He knows being abrasive is just going to get both of them angry, and while that can be productive for their development (try to tell me it’s not, please), it’s not at the moment because it involves pushing away before coming to a better understanding. He wants to skip the pushing part, and also Sidney is just Soft™ deep down, especially with Charlotte when they’re not at odds. 

Also the balancing, their entire development throughout the season has been about them balancing their extreme characteristics 

In conclusion 

The entire boat scene is a metaphor for Sidney asking Charlotte to be with him and Charlotte being unsure because his ex-fiancee is literally here (and he literally was the one to bring her to Sanditon) and Charlotte and Sidney’s relationship has always been a bit rocky. If Eliza hadn’t shown up when she had, I’m sure that boat ride would’ve ended with Charlotte feeling a lot more confident with where she stands with Sidney. 

Since Sidney was confident with his feelings the entire time, he feels comfortable enough to make the Heraclitus joke/reference in conversation with Charlotte later, but Eliza hijacks it and turns it from a nice moment between Charlotte and Sidney into a moment of competition, which sours the conversation in a similar way that Stringer and Sidney’s conversation after the boat race is soured when Stringer brings up “the prize he wanted.” 

Even though I’m annoyed that Eliza interrupted their boat ride, I think it was necessary so that the conversation later could go as it did (also this meta about that convo is great) and so Stringer and Sidney’s conversation could go ask it did and because it allowed Eliza to think she had “won,” so to speak, and prompt her to talk to Sidney. All three of those interactions influence how Sidney was feeling and ultimately culminated in Sidney going to Charlotte that night and saying “I believe I am my best self, my truest self, when I’m with you.” So while it sucks that it was interrupted, it was ultimately necessary for Sidney to confess and put Charlotte in the position of choosing (ie, rowing by herself) next episode. 

And I guess the conclusion to this conclusion is that the Boat Scene was fully of heavy romantic metaphor and symbolism, Sidney is a hundred percent into Charlotte and Charlotte only and he was even when Eliza showed up, he just needed time and a few gentle kicks to the head (Eliza being rude about Charlotte constantly, seeing that Stringer is interested in Charlotte, seeing Charlotte’s uncertainty about his feelings) to shake off the residual feelings for an ex-fiancee that your family won’t let go about you guys being destined to be together again, and Charlotte gets to choose if she wants to be with him next episode. And I’ve got a feeling she’s going to decide she wants to. 

[lalijinx]

Stranger Things Fic

Genderswap Steve Harrington --> Stephanie “Stevie” Harrington 

This is an unedited rough draft, but a certain someone said I should post it anyways. ;)

Dust Off Your Highest Hopes

Stevie Harrington’s parents always wanted a boy

In fact they thought she WAS going to be a boy

Her room is painted blue and while she doesn’t have anything against the color, at home it’s a reminder that her parents will always be disappointed

But she tries any way - she can’t not

She plays softball and track and swim team

She’s lean and wiry from all the sports and dresses like a tomboy - still fashionable, but she doesn’t wear skirts or dresses unless forced

Despite always wanting a boy, the Harrington’s still have. A lot of ideas of what’s Proper for a girl

Stevie doesn’t fit those either

She flirts, and makes out with a lot of guys to keep her Queen Stevie reputation

Stevie meets Nancy Wheeler and She’s fascinated

Nancy is prim and proper and dainty and delicate

She’s everything Stevie could never be

She’s the prettiest girl Stevie has ever seen

She doesn’t know how to handle these sudden butterflies

Barely understands what it means, and whatever inkling she has is shoved deep down

And yet

Her eyes follow Nancy

Stevie eventually can’t stay away, and approaches her after class

She has a stumbled excuse about asking for help in English class

Nancy looks a little surprised at first, but she tucks a strand of long hair behind her eye while clutching her books, and her big blue eyes look up at Stevie and smiles and Stevie beams

They meet in the library at lunch and Nancy really does help Stevie because she wasn’t lying about her essay but they talk too

Stevie finds herself giggling a lot more than usual but she chalks it up to the surprisingly sharp wit from Nancy

She looks picture perfect but there’s strength behind her eyes and Stevie wants to follow her anywhere

They meet up a few more times before Carol and Tommy start to get suspicious

Stevie invites Nancy to sit with them at lunch and she surprisingly accepts

It’s a little awkward at first, because Stevie suddenly realizes has been acting differently with Nancy than she does with tommy and Carol

But Nancy rallies, and Tommy and Carol tease Stevie about her suddenly caring about her grades and suddenly she’s back

She finishes the essay with Nancy’s help, and gets a better grade than she’s expecting.

She grins at the grade but her stomach is sinking

She realizes she doesn’t want Nancy to leave

She wants her to stick around, to be her friend, even though the word friend doesn’t feel quite right

She comes up with the brilliant idea to have a girls night at her house since her parents are away (again)

(It’s something she’s always secretly wanted but never knew how to ask for)

She invites Carol, and Nancy, and Nancy asks if she can bring her friend Barb, and Stevie shrugs as says “the more the merrier”

Inviting Carol was a mistake, or maybe she just never specified it was a girls only night, but Carol brings Tommy

Which.

Tommy is Stevie’s best friend but she had plans for tonight to include all the stupid things girls do at sleepovers on tv

(She hadn’t specifically planned for it to be a sleepover but she kinda hoped it turned into one)

Whatever. No one said Stevie couldn’t adapt and roll with the punches

So she breaks out the beer and sets them up on the pool deck with the radio playing in the background

Nancy and Barb show up shortly afterwards

Barb looks a little uncomfortable to be hear but Nancy smiles and Stevie pushes through the awkwardness

She also apologizes for Tommy on their way out to the pool

Nancy laughs and tucks away a strand of hair and says it’s fine

They all end up sitting by the pool chatting for a little bit before Tommy starts getting restless.

He shotguns a beer, and Carol does the same and then they both look expectantly at Stevie

She follows through without looking at Nancy, unsure what she’ll think

Except as she’s finishing the beer, Tommy is challenging Nancy and before Stevie can say anything about how she doesn’t have to Nancy is grabbing the pocket knife and gulping down the beer

Stevie stares slack jawed and feels a flush crawling up her face

She hopes its covered by the dim lights and alcohol but she can’t take that chance so she shoves Tommy into the pool and falls in after

The water is cool on her heated face and she stays under a moment longer before pushing back to the surface

Nancy is laughing when she emerges and Stevie beams, even as Tommy splashes her as he moves to the side

Carol is also laughing as she reaches down to help Tommy up but Stevie can see the split second Tommy changes his mind and yanks back, pulling Carol in too

Carol shrieks and flails into the pool and the two of them are splashing and wrestling in the water

Stevie knows they have a couple minutes before they tune back in, so she pulls herself out and playfully shakes her dripping hair at Nancy

Stevie notices that Barb is still sitting stiffly in the lounge chair, and offers her a beer and the knife

(She doesn’t know Barb that well, but she’s Nancy’s friend and Stevie has a burning need for Nancy to like her)

Barb takes them hesitantly, looking between Nancy and Stevie as Nancy says she doesn’t have to

Stevie nods too, bc she’s not going to force her to drink but she drapes herself over Nancy dripping water and Nancy laughs and squirms and twists away but she’s already wet

A look of determination slips over Barbs face, and she attempts to shotgun the beer too except the knife slips and Barb lets out a hiss of pain

Stevie lets out an oh shit and Nancy rushes over to her friend

There’s blood dripping on the concrete but it doesn’t look stitches bad

Stevie runs to get the first aid kit and meets them at the door she shows them to the down stairs bathroom

She starts to goes back out to tell Carol and Tommy but they’ve made their dripping way inside already, making out and stumbling towards the stairs

They break apart just long enough to tell Stevie they’re going to be borrowing a guest room for the night, don’t wait up and then they’re gone up the stairs

Stevie chews on her nails, a habit that her parent s hate, but she can’t help the sinking feeling that the night is ruined

But then Nancy comes out of the bathroom and smiles shyly at Stevie and maybe not all is lost

Stevie abruptly realizes she’s still dripping water all over, and Nancy is damp and has blood on her shirt

She offers that Nancy can borrow some clothes since she needs to change anyway and her heart is beating a million miles a minute when Nancy nods and tells Barb to wait down here, she’ll be right back

They head up to her room and for the first time she loves the color blue as Nancy’s eyes sparkle the exact same shade

Stevie roots around in her drawers, trying to find something that Nancy will like

And then she turns around to ask a question and Nancy is right there, smiling and the question does on her lips because suddenly the butterflies are back and she knows what they are this time and before she can think through her actions she leans forward and kisses Nancy on the lips

(Stevie is not usually one to think first and act second but for one second before the panic kicks in she wishes sh was a different person)

She jerks back and her eyes go wide and she starts to stutter out an apology

Nancy is blushing but she’s not leaving and Stevie trails off as she smiles

“I’m just gonna go tell Barb she can head home, if ...that’s alright?”

Stevie nods and smiles, and she’s almost certainly blushing hard but for once she doesn’t mind

Nancy leaves the room and Stevie stands there stupidly grinning for a moment before she remembers she’s still soaked and scrambles to pull on pajamas (which end up being a soft tee and shorts because she doesn’t own much else in the way of pjs)

Stevie flops back on the bed and covers her face with her hands trying to wipe the stupid grin off her face

She might actually get to kiss Nancy Wheeler again, for real, and she understands that she was always hoping for this

She hears the distant sound of the front door closing and she can’t help how she bounces in anticipation and panics for a minute about how to act natural before shaking her head

Nancy hasn’t judged her yet.

She waits eagerly for Nancy to come back through the door.

And waits.

And waits.

The smile starts to slip off her face. The butterflies have turned into stone and her stomach is sinking with them.

Stevie gets up from the bed and heads down the stairs, hoping that maybe Nancy just stoped for a drink or a snack or something

The kitchen is empty and quiet.

Stevie heads back to the sliding doors and walks out to the pool hoping hoping hoping Nancy decided she wanted to swim after all and she didn’t just disappear, leaving her waiting behind

But the pool is quiet.

There’s nothing there except for the empty cans and the blood drops from Barb’s hand.

Stevie claps a hand over her mouth when a sob escapes involuntarily

Her chest feels tight, and she angrily kicks away one of the empty cans

It skitters across the concert and splashes into the pool and Stevie sinks down onto a lounge chair, hand muffling her sobs and she can’t keep them in, tears trailing down her face

She had really really gotten her hope up, higher than she even realized, and the come down now that Nancy essentially stood her up is hard

But she’s Stevie Freaking Harrington. It’s just as well, she thinks angrily. It’s not like she could actually date Nancy in the open. Her parents certainly wouldn’t approve, and Hawkins isn’t known for being open minded.

She angrily swipes the tears away and storms back into the house, grabbing one of her fathers whiskey bottles on her way back to her room.

She’s had enough of tonight and drowns her feelings in alcohol and if she cries into her pillow no one will know.

(Jonathon is out in the woods looking for his brother. He knows there’s something going on and he knows sometimes the camera sees more than the eye.

So he’s wandering the woods when he hears shrieking and just as he gets close he hears it turn into laughter

He heartbeat settles slightly but he still raises his camera to his eye

He doesn’t know yet what happened to Will so right now he’s documenting everything. Even if he’s pretty sure Stevie Harrington had nothing to do with it

He is a little surprised to see Nancy Wheeler and Barbra Holland hanging out with Stevie and her crowd

Not that he keeps up with the school gossip but he’s pretty sure Nancy and Barb don’t run in the same circles as Stevie Harrington

He snaps pictures almost automatically as he watches Carol and Tommy wrestle in the pool and Barb cut her finger on a beer can. Stevie, Nancy, and Barb go inside, and Carol and Tommy follow shortly, obliviously making out.

Jonathon sighs, frustrated with everything as he checks the settings on his camera again

He not sure what he’s hoping for out here but he can’t not do anything  

When he looks back up, Barb is sitting by the pool, alone, one hand pressed to the other

He raises the camera and takes another photo to test the settings

Movement catches his eye on the upper level and he moves his lens to follow it

He sees Stevie and Nancy smiling at each other in the window and snaps a picture out of habit

In the next second he sees Stevie lean forward and kiss Nancy and Jonathon goes red and fumbles his camera in his embarrassment and shock.

He picks it up and retrains it back toward the house just in time to see Barb giving Nancy a quick hug and heading back into the house.

Nancy stays by the pool and smiles at nothing and Jonathon sees a blush rising on her cheeks

Jonathon is suddenly struck by how beautiful she is, with the pool lights dancing along her flushed face, and snaps another picture before he suddenly remembers all over again that Will is missing and he doesn’t have time for this

When he looks up again Nancy is gone.)

(He hasn’t left yet, the realization that taking photos in the woods was a stupid idea to find his brother rooting him to the spot.

He flinches and sinks lower into the shadows when he hears the skittering of a can and looks up to see Stevie Harrington sitting  on the pool chair in shorts and a T-shirt and starts when he realizes she’s crying

He’s never seen Stevie Harrington cry before, and his jaw goes a little slack as he watches her sobbing into her hand.

He’s just about to awkwardly convince himself that he should go see if she’s okay (he may not particularly like her, but she’s sobbing ) when she stands sharply up, swiping her face angrily and storming back into the house.

Jonathon lets out a breath he didn’t realize he was holding and moves carefully away from the house. He still wants to develop the photos he took, even if they’re almost guaranteed to be useless. He’s can’t stop thinking that if there is something, he has to try. )

Stevie wakes up hung over, but it’s a Wednesday and she’s an old hat at disguising it

She covers up the bags under her eyes, brushes her teeth, fixes her hair and grabs her sunglasses on her way out the door

She still feels like her stomach is filled with stones, but no one else has any reason to suspect that so she pastes a smile on her face and plays up the party girl image

Stevie isn’t sure what she’s going to say when she sees Nancy but she lucks out and doesn’t see her in the halls at all

She does see Barb, alone, and something niggles at her but she pushes it aside, even if Barb gives her an impressive side eye

Turns out she should have paid more attention because Barb pulls her aside into an empty classroom on her way to lunch

Stevie pulls her hand away and scowls at her - Barb is one of the only people who might have an idea why Stevie is in a foul mood, and she drops the personable party girl act

Barb is scowling back, and starts talking before Stevie can come back with something cutting

“I don’t know exactly what happened last night, but you need to apologize to Nancy-“

“What did I do!?” Except she knows what she did and guilt is curling around her chest to tangle with the hurt

“I don’t know, but she sent me home, and now she’s not in school and she won’t even answer my calls, so obviously you must have done something after I left!”

Confusion stops her panic cold.

“What are you talking about”

“You know exactly what I’m-“

Stevie interrupts her, “No, I know, I mean... I thought she left with you.“

Barb stares at her.

“What?”

“I don’t know what you’re trying to pull here...” but even as Barb says it, she trails off, unsure, something on Stevie’s face giving away her sincere confusion.

“I — she left. I thought with you. You’re saying she didn’t go home with you last night?”

“No.”

Stevie stares at her. Barb stares back.

“She didn’t stay with me — I mean at my place. I just assumed she left when you did. She didn’t exactly tell me when she did.” Stevie mutters the last part, looking away as her face flushes, but it’s just her and Barb in an empty classroom so of course she sees it.

“Nancy doesn’t have a car. “

Stevie looks back at the non-sequitur, temporarily relieved that Barb is choosing to ignore anything Stevie gave away.

Stevie quirks an eyebrow. “So?”

Barb sighs. “So, I drove her to your house last night. And she told me she was going to stay the night. So I left. Alone. “

“She, uh—“ Stevie takes a breath and holds it for a second, letting it out in one big rush. “She just said she was going to tell you to head home. And then... then she never came back up.” Stevie looks down at her feet. “I assumed she changed her mind or something and just left with you.”

Barb looks a little worried now.

“That’s not like Nancy.”

“Maybe she walked? Or got another ride? I don’t know.” Stevie is rapidly approaching her limit for this conversation. She was already feeling raw from last night, and rehashing it all with Barb makes her feel uncomfortably vulnerable.

“Look.” Stevie points her finger at Barb. “I don’t know what Nancy did. All I know is she didn’t hang around my place last night, so maybe she bailed on both of us.” Stevie shakes her head. “And I don’t care. Nancy’s a big girl, she can do whatever she wants.” The lie tastes sour on her tongue, but she spins around and stalks to the door, and stops, hesitating with her hand on the handle.

“When you do see her...” Stevie doesn’t turn around, doesn’t want to see whatever is on Barb’s face right now, “Tell her I’m sorry.”

With that, she yanks open the door and exits, flipping her sunglasses back over her eyes. They can hide more than bags and light sensitivity, and no one has to see Stevie Harrington pull herself back together.

TBC...

[cottonblush]

blooming days | pjs

❧ word count: 2,533

❧ genre: fluff-ish, more to come in later parts

❧ notes: so i was originally gonna make this one super long post but i had this idea of how i could split it up and make it more interesting so i think it’ll be a three part series?? the first part is shorter than the rest because it’s an intro but i just wanted to some background about how jisung and the reader first meet. and i may or may not have been inspired by day6′s m/v series from the sunrise and moonrise albums but that’s irrelevant. this is unedited and i typed some of it out on my phone bc my laptop was being dumb and kept glitching (we don’t stan). btw i’ll be trying out a new layout so we’ll see how it goes

❧ parts: planting, budding, ---

Jisung rests his head on his arms, which lay on the worn out surface of the cash desk, the cool air of the a/c doing nothing to help alleviate the sweat that’s pooled on his neck. Summer is winding down to a close, but it’s a summer day nonetheless, so the air is still thick and the temperature is still high enough that Jisung is tempted to lay down by the tiny produce section of the corner convenience store and give up on his job entirely. It doesn’t help that he’s also extremely bored. He’d usually have some homework to work on or friends to text, but the second semester has only just begun and almost all of his friends have decided to form an Overwatch league without him. He’s in the middle of questioning whether or not he should quit his job when his train of thought is interrupted by two things: the unequivocal fact that he so desperately needs money to pay for his Apple Music subscription and honey butter chip addiction, as well as the jingle of the bell that signals that a customer has entered the store.

“Dude, I know. Like, the fact that she assigned us two whole pages of problems on the third day of school? Not my physics teacher. I don’t claim her,” your voice rings through the almost empty store as you hold your phone to your ear with one hand and use the other to grab a basket. Jisung’s eyes trail your figure as you place multiple bags of honey butter chips in your basket and he feels his stomach practically try to eat itself out of hunger. You grab a small bottle of sprite and head towards the front of the store, still talking about the same teacher, “What do you mean, I can’t not claim her? I, as a decent human being, refuse to accept her as one of our own. She literally has to be an alien. Or the world’s biggest sadist.”

You quickly tell you’re the person on the other side of the line that you have to hang up as you place your items on the table in between yourself and the young man in front of you. You ask him how his day has been, bringing up the fact that he must be suffering in this weather, and Jisung is grateful a chance at human interaction.

“Could be better, to be honest, but at least I don’t have any homework. That must suck,” he says with mild amusement.

Your cheeks quickly turn a soft pink as you scratch the back of your head with embarrasment and reply, “Was I really that loud that you could hear the whole conversation? Wow, I really need to turn it down a notch, don’t I?”

“Nah, you’re fine. It’s really quiet in here and I might’ve been eavesdropping. I get bored really easily.”

Jisung hears a soft chuckle and feels the corners of his own mouth start to quirk upwards. The conversation so far has just consisted of small-talk, and he knows that you’ll be gone within the next minute, but you honestly feel like a breath of fresh air to him. He doesn’t know why but once you pay for your items and leave, he hopes for you to stop by again. He hopes he can get to know a little more about you than just your name (he took a peak at the name on your debit card earlier and knows it’s a little creepy but has no regrets). He’s known for being quite shy, but this time Jisung thinks it’d do him some good to try and befriend you.

Alas, luck is never on his side because the next time he sees you is a month into the semester. You’re wearing a school uniform this time and he literally wants to smack himself because ohmygod you go to the same school as him. How has he not seen you around before? You’ve now completely piqued his interest and he can’t take his eyes off you even as you give him a wary look while walking up to the counter.

When asked if he’s okay, Jisung is snapped out of his reverie and tries not to pretend like he hasn’t almost swallowed his own tongue before responding with, “Yeah, I’m fine. It’s just… what grade are you in? I’m not trying to pry or anything. We go to the same school, t-that’s all.”

Jisung really wants to slap himself when he finds out not only are you two attending the same school, but you’re also in the same grade. Perhaps he’s going blind just like his friends keep telling him. Perhaps you have a secret ability that makes you invisible when you’re around him at school. Perhaps he’s just been stuck in his own world and too shy. Reluctantly, Jisung admits that the third one holds the most truth.

When asked what classes you’re taking, you explain that you want to major in physics, so most of your classes are math and physical science based. In turn, Jisung says that he’s interested in computer programming, but he has decided to take less challenging math courses so he can fit in his dance electives.

With that small interaction, Jisung feels a little lighter as he watches you exit the store. He’s glad to know more about you, to be one step closer to making a new friend. This is kind of a big deal for him. He really isn’t the most extroverted person, but he’s not a recluse. He’s in that weird gray area where if he knows a person, he can hold a conversation, but there are times when his brain forgets how to get to know a person in the first place. It’s at times like these when he feels the greatest envy towards his friends, Donghyuck and Chenle, who could talk Thanos out of killing half the universe if they really tried. However, he’s also grateful to them because who else will defend him when Renjun comes at him for literally breathing?

Jisung is now more aware of you at school. He sees you in the hallways between classes and in the cafeteria during lunch. Unfortunately, he doesn’t notice you in any of his classes, but the little waves you send each other when you spot one another is enough to satiate what Jisung deems to be “on track” for a friendship.

It isn’t until the end of August that he realizes how close yet far you appear to be for him. He’s let out of class early for once and is one of the first to get their lunch and start eating when Donghyuck loudly plops his tray down across from him and states, “My lab partner is gonna sit with us at lunch from now on so we can work on this project. Hope you don’t mind, but also she’s sitting here either way so you better deal.”

Jisung shrugs his shoulders and replies with a quiet “sure” before going back to shoveling a mix of kimchi and rice into his mouth at an alarming rate. He’s caught off guard, though, when Donghyuck’s partner turns out to be you and you greet said teen by jogging up to him and throwing an arm around his shoulders after placing your tray down along with your books. You smile and say, “Hey, Jisung,” to which Jisung is slightly confused because he’s sure he’s never told you his name and he’s way too forgetful to actually remember to wear his name tag at work. You’re quick to explain that Donghyuck always blabs about him and the others during class, but he shouldn’t worry because he’s actually made out to be one of the normal ones of the bunch.

Much to Jisung’s dismay, the conversation comes to an end due to the reason you've come to their table in the first place. You flip your book open and begin perusing through the material while Donghyuck’s fingers glide across the keyboard of his laptop.

Having nothing better to do, Jisung simply straightens up and leans across the table, trying to take a peek at what his friend and now acquaintance are working on. Noticing his gaze, you slide your textbook toward him and flip it around so you can explain, “We’re starting our boat projects so Hyuck and I are trying to look for good ideas for designs and costumes and stuff. Honestly, when the teacher said we would be starting the project after break, I didn’t think she meant the first week. But like, go off, I guess.”

At this, Donghyuck releases a snort and says, “Don’t encourage it. I swear she has ears and eyes everywhere. She knows everything we’re saying. It’s creepy…”

The three of you chuckle, but not before casting a sweeping gaze across the cafeteria, looking for the aforementioned teacher. For the rest of the lunch period, Jisung and Donghyuck look on the internet for cool group costumes they can put together while you continue to take notes from your textbook. By the time you’re all getting up to go to class, you’ve narrowed the costumes down to the characters of Little Mermaid, gondoliers, or pirates. You also have a basic idea for the structure of the boat. Somehow, Jisung has found himself now apart of your boat project group even though he’s never even stepped into the physics lab before, but he’s glad and even offers for the group to meet at the convenience store so he can help after school.

When Chenle gets back from yet another family business trip—Jisung is highkey jealous that Chenle is rich enough and smart enough to afford taking multiple weeks off of school per semester, but Chenle assures him that it’s not all it’s cracked up to be—Jisung fills him in on what he’s missed. Chenle pouts when he hears how much fun Jisung has been having without him, but he’s quickly reminded that he got to spend two weeks in the Maldives so he promptly shuts up.

Before anyone realizes it, two weeks pass by in the blink of an eye and now it’s become a daily routine for you and one or two of your crew to show up at the convenience store when building the actual boat is getting too tiring or when your fellow groupmate Haknyeon declares for the thousandth time that he is starving and literally cannot cut even an inch more cardboard until he has food in his stomach. This time, however, seems to be a special occasion because the whole group is filling through the entrance one by one (or two by two if you count how Seungmin and Jisu just fought tooth and nail, squeezing through the door frame to see who could get there first).

“Hey, Jisung,” Jisu calls out with a smile, snapping Jisung out of his daydream and making him sit up straight at the counter. He offers up a meek smile and waves to everyone else as they walk in. You and Jisu immediately head to the ice cream section, grabbing several popsicle and fudge sticks each and giggling at the cold sensation against your skin.

“There’s a lot of you today,” Jisung points out, inwardly cringing when he sees Seungmin accidentally knock over a display and poorly putting it back together.

Donghyuck’s head pops out of one of the aisles as he explains, “Yup! We finally finished building so we came here to celebrate! We’re gonna hang out outside so you should come join us.”

Jisung shrugs his shoulders and once he finishes scanning all of their items, he hops off his seat and walks around the counter. He takes a seat at one of the tables outside, figuring if a customer comes in, he can step back in. The rest of the gang joins him and open all of their treats, some choosing to savor the food on this especially pleasant fall afternoon (Jisu and Seungmin) while others choose to shovel everything down their throats as quickly as possible (you, Haknyeon, and Chenle). As if on cue, you and Chenle drop your heads in your hands and groan about having a massive brain freeze. Literally every other person at the table except Haknyeon—his cheeks are stuffed with cheese puffs and when he tries to speak, several little puffs tumble out of his mouth and onto the pavement, causing him to pout and forget about the situation at hand—says ‘I told you so,’ with an indignant smirk.

The atmosphere continues in its lightheartedness and no one notices the darkening sky until the sun has almost completely dipped into the horizon. After cleaning up the mess that has been made, the teens slowly bid their goodbyes and head home. You’re one of the last ones remaining, wanting to buy some more chips to have during your study session later that night. Placing a little package of Hello Panda cookies in your basket, you’re about to tell Jisung you’re ready to pay when you realize there’s an older man, probably a college student, at the cash desk speaking angrily to your friend.

The man continues to raise his voice, practically yelling at this point, “Are you serious? I’m telling you I’m 21! Can’t you just believe me and give me my damn cigarettes?!”

Poor Jisung seems to fold back into himself in intimidation as he nervously stutters out, “S-Sorry sir, I can’t let you have them without an ID. Please c-come back next time with some form of identification.”

It’s when the man slams his fist on the counter and leans forward that you decide this has gone too far and you have to step in.

“Excuse me,” you say, putting up a facade of confidence, “I believe that camera in the corner has just recorded this whole interaction and if you don’t leave now, I won’t hesitate to report you to the police.”

The man stomps out of the store with a huff, but not before knocking down a shelf of candy. Jisung is still in a state of shock as he shakily comes around the counter and starts to pick up the candies. You bend down and start to help him as well, trying to get everything back in place, when he asks, “How do you do that? Y’know, like you were just so calm, collected, and confident?”

You let out an airy laugh as you expound, “Dude, are you kidding? I was so nervous. I totally thought he was going to turn around and punch me in the face or something. But I wasn’t just gonna let him treat one of my friends rudely, so I just did what I had to.”

Jisung can’t pinpoint why, but when he ends his shift and heads home, he has a little pep in his step. Maybe it’s because he’s glad he didn’t have to deal with another confrontational scenario. Or maybe it’s because you stood up for him without a second thought. Either way, he’s glad his day has turned out how it did and he can’t wait for tomorrow.

[cruddyborderlandstheories]

Museum of Mayhem Art Analysis

ahhh it’s finally here and it’s AWESOME. Lots of credit to @ifalnasminiatures for bringing this to my attention! Also credit to Hayder Hype for providing (nat zero six on gearbox forums) sources (Ashley Landry on twitter) in the description of his video because oh man it’s a lot

you can view most of these art pieces on the borderlands instagram as well

lots to talk about especially regarding the calypso twins so let us dive right in

tl;dr: tyreen has a weird red marking on her face in some old designs. i think troy used to be blind and missing his metal plates. more proof for my elpis/chemical sludge/lost legion theory that the twins are using said chemical sludge to give their followers psuedo-siren powers bc a dahl pumping station (hyperion pumping stations on pandora) but dahl had a presence on the moon

one of my favorites, it reminds me a lot of the Mask of Mayhem, but for villains.

Punk Girl is shown again twice, probably further proving she’s tied in with the CoV somehow

we also got some crazy looking villains such as

baby face. which is all kinds of extremely fucked up

this dude who looks like he could be a miniboss with the glasgow smile and the cool goggles

this guy who i legitimately thought was dr zed for a hot second there

could it be

the evilest brother?? pfft nahhh

this girl who seems like she could be a unique character with a baseball cap. wondering if maybe she’s related to Punk Girl in any way. What’s the verdict on the other band members? 🤔

uhh let’s give it a solid maybe and move on

this piece! very interesting to me

so, the very first thing i noticed is zane’s eye patch being on the other eye lol

amara’s tattoos are also gone, however that might’ve been for reasons similar to the japanese cover art of the game. 

most interestingly is a point @ifalnasminiatures made and it’s that the calypso twins are actually palette swapped! you can see Troy is the one with the white hair and Ty is the one with the darker hair. which I think mayyy play into a few things we see later about the twins

we also see a tiny ship in the background. i can’t tell if that’s sanctuary-iii or the blue/yellow ship, it all blends together a lot due to the quality of the pic. but it is next to the calypso twins, which makes me want to believe it’s the blue/yellow ship we see with red markings all over it. you know this one from the mural of mayhem wallpapers

you can see the reddish markings on the back right next to the engines

then we have ummm

this cover art

😬

thanks for not using this one gearbox cuz 

oh my god

she just reminds me of suicide squad, that’s not a good image you wanna dredge up from the deep recesses of your fans’ brains

she might be a unique character given the clothes/hair? cuz you don’t normally see psychos with stilettos on. or yknow, shoes in general. the hair also seems way to clean and neat to be a psycho/cultist

i just feel uncomfortable looking at this, so moving on

a different logo. also not my favorite cover art, but at least im not physically uncomfortable looking at this. that poor girl’s pelvis... anyway

lots of silhouettes

interestingly, i feel like the roses might have been a thing they just put in for the new cover art. haven’t seen hide nor hair of them across any of the pictures i’ve seen.

we got a lot of figures. out of them i most definitely recognized amara, salvador, maya, another salvador?, zer0, moze (maybe?), and axton. i thiiink one of them is maya as well, but im not 100% on that. 

i can guess why they didn’t pick this one: it’s hard to tell who’s who. a lot of these poses make the silhouettes kinda hard to see and the merging together at the bottom makes things even worse. i do think it’s interesting there are some bl2 characters on here as well, but hayder hype mentioned they very well could be placeholders, and given that i can’t make out fl4k or zane, im inclined to believe him.

this art which was used during the promo for this event

rip elpis i guess LMAO

a better look at the psycho himself from the promo released by the borderlands twitter.

there’s a new red planet which hasn’t been shown off before, looks like a gassy planet kinda like jupiter, but interestingly it has this green crack in the side?

very reminiscent of pandora’s eridium scar. i am wondering if this is because this planet had a vault opened, or if it is tied to the Eridians at all. be interesting if it was their homeworld.

also i have no idea what the symbolism is in the homeworld destroying another planet but maybe we shouldn’t think about it too hard e_e

the other planet that’s being destroyed... idk fellas

it doesn’t match up to me but like, this is only one shot

i don’t know 🤔 if you really squint, maybe you can see that hint of purple at the bottom there?

here

tbh, i thought this was elpis the first time i saw it due to the cracks, but i figured elpis doesn’t have like continents across its surface, just craters. and wayyy more cracks.

so it’s probably not pandora and it’s probably not elpis.

huh...

i do think the actual shot is suspended above promethea, you can see the familiar asteroid belt surrounding it

there’s also a planet in the background,

which i imagine isn’t pandora bc no eridian scar

could be elpis or eden-6, or the 5th planet we don’t know about. i kinda get the feeling the 5th planet may be that gaseous red planet tho. which is probably going to be super weird to traverse now that i think about it. they said oz kits weren’t coming back, right? i wonder how that would work. hmmmm

there’s also this redder planet here which i actually DO think is Pandora. if you squint real hard u can see the purple from the eridian scar. plus the color matches up pretty well with the pictures provided above.

there’s also these two bodies over in the corner where the light is coming from. i can’t tell what they’re supposed to be

there are also these little dudes in the top right

i assume they’re maliwan? they remind me a lot of the maliwan drop ship things that fly overhead when you enter promethea

YESSS okay this is the start of some PRETTY WILD twin stuff

troy: missing his tattoos, blind in one eye, has a weird mark above his eyebrow. also, no metal bits!

Tyreen!!! with a red stripe across her left cheek going up to her eye??? no tattoos on her left arm as far as we can see, but that might be for marketing reasons (she’s also covering up part of her bicep). she’s also missing her coat and chains and wearing a different glove.

we also have a bunch of bl2 VHs taking up space. again i think hayder hype is right in that they’re simply placeholders. not much else to say, but 

this trend of Tyreen having red markings on her face and Troy being blind in an eye (or both) actually continues through a fair amount of these posters!!!

more cover art. one of my least favorites again... i just think it looks like the psycho is puking out the VHs. also, seems to be an older version of the psycho mask.

fl4k seems to be less rendered than the rest of the cast? like they have less detail, especially on their coat

also you can see an older looking space shuttle up at the top, which reminds me a lot of the one we use in TFTBL to get to helios. except less caravanny and more rockety

the splatter also reminds me of siren powers, with the purple and the glitter. it’s cool that it’s showing a different shot than what’s behind it. maybe a hint to siren powers because it’s sort of like a portal.

more puke! 

this time troy is blind in both eyes it seems,

tyreen seems to still have a mark on the left side of her face, im wondering if this ties into her scars at all? it doesn’t seem as prominent as the previous red mark.

Zane seems to have an actual eye patch instead of his more high-tech eye patch, which reminds me a lot of the leaked character concepts from like january i wanna say

amara seems to be dual wielding lol i wonder if originally that was going to be one of her 3 skills but then they were like “wait salvador. wait. nisha. FUC-”

also fl4k is being obscured by this weird saturn-like planet. let them be free!

moze is missing, the saturn like planet shows up 2 times total, and that blue/yellow ship is seen again behind troy

as for the purple stuff? you already know my theory that the twins are going to be using the chemical sludge on elpis to empower their followers. it could also just be straight eridium/slag. you know, like the testing from the WEP with bloodwing and even krieg. we’ll have to see. it would be interesting if they tied krieg into the story through there.

i do lowkey think it’s chemical sludge though, because some of it is actually glowing blue in places, you can see it clearly below amara’s feet. maybe some tie in to siren powers cuz they glow the same blueish color. who knoooows not i

big shot of this psycho here, looks like he’s crumbling. 

i really like the 4 VHs standing at the base with the elongated shadows. very dark vibes from this tho, probably not suitable for the series as a whole. i can see why maybe they decided not to do it. 

i wonder if we’ll see this giant psycho statue somewhere on pandora. it would certainly be a sight to behold. 

also i kinda wish we had cloaks like the concept art shows. cloaks are cool

more sketchy art. this one is also kinda strange, i definitely get why they decided not to go thru with it.

possibly tie-in with the ‘mother’ imagery we get on the propaganda signs across pandora.

lmfao the foot

very bl2 like, im glad they didn’t stick with this. i like that they decided to change things up

troy seems to be blind and also missing his metal implants on his face. his jacket also looks a lot different, it looks more like tyreen’s with the spikes and stuff across it. we also can’t see his metal arm at all, tho we do see his sword! which looks a lot different, im glad they decided to revamp it to be more visually interesting lol

tyreen is more interesting to me. it looks like her right arm has like a silver coating over it? unless that is a metal arm as well. she also is wearing a different kind of glove. her tattoos are missing as well, but again, it’s probably because of the cover art. her scars also definitely seem to have reached her left cheek at some point.

zane also looks a lot different, tho amara, moze, and fl4k look about the same.

another shot of the ship, this one is definitely the blue/yellow one. there’s gotta be some significance with that, right? either we’re getting skins for sanc-iii, we’re going to be painting it a new color, or it’s a different ship.

what the HECK

maybe the twins stole sanc-ii and we’re using sanc-iii. idek. this ship is driving me up a wall lol

gun head.

not a lot to say here. i actually like this one lol it’s very mellow and straight to the point. it’s nice that the logo is right in the middle, not at the top like most of them.

game. buy it. okay? cool.

similar to the other background we did, a bit different. again, like @ifalnasminiatures pointed out, the twins are actually palette swapped here. 

Zane also has the old eyepatch on his right eye instead of his left eye, and his jacket is black instead of blue. fuckin’ edgelord.

one of my favorite ones out of all of them. it’s beautiful, i really wish they had kept it. Fl4k is missing but i assume they were meant to go next to Amara? i also think it’s interesting Moze is in the front, as I took Amara to be the leader this time around. Zane is also an older design, with the eyepatch back on his left eye again (starting to think this is an aesthetic thing lol) and a black jacket instead of blue.

We see the twins on the top. Tyreen has that mark on her face again, and Troy is the same as the last few covers.

We also see Maya, Zer0, and for some reason Brick? Which is weird to me considering we have a few other characters who initially feel much for important to the story (cough Lilith cough), but I’m not complaining. 

the purple splatters again make me think this is a tie in to eridium/slag/elpis’s chemical sludge. i also like the logo being worked into the design instead of just thrown on top, i think that’s a nice detail

i couldn’t find a great shot of this poster which is a shame because it’s one of my favorites

a lot of baddies to go around on here. i love the dude up top, he reminds me of the Anchormen from the captain scarlett dlc in bl2!

these dudes

we can see Punk Girl on the left again

and this guy who appears to be in some medieval armor

i have no idea what’s going on there but i am EXCITED

i’ve been thinking and tbh i think the multiple planets thing was just an excuse for gearbox to go absolutely ham on the character designs/settings. 

i mean why should they have to hold back all their medieval armor designs for another dlc like tiny tina’s? all their pirate/sea-fairing designs for a pirate dlc? fuck it! go WILD. i think they did, anywho

there’s also this post which... tbh i can’t make out much at all. again, seems like an older psycho mask design. it looks like there are characters in the splatter on the bottom left, but it’s very hard to tell who’s who, especially at this angle and image quality lol

if we get a better shot later on i may return to this piece and try to figure things out!

we also have this piece which is giving me huge ‘Happy Together’ vibes. very trippy

moze looks like she’s using an untextured atlas gun? dunno what’s going on with that tbh lol

i really like this one too. it’s cool. i get why maybe they wanted to go a little crazier tho, feels too simplistic for the MAYHEM vibe they’re going for.

oof! can we get an F in chat for whatever planet/moon this is

lots of pink floyd vibes going on here as well

we see a different looking blue/yellow ship flying away from the explosion. it seems to missing a lot of the parts that make sanc-iii so recognizable including the engines/wings

i like the destruction vibe they’re going for here, really sells the “universe destroying power” the twins are supposedly going to get. 

anyway, in addition to the cover art pieces, we also got a few concept art pieces as well!

this bit which looks like a gun

you see the aiming mechanism up there? you see how it’s aimed at that planet/moon? yeah i 100% timed this so you’d see the above concept art with this immediately after :P (im kidding i didn’t but hey now you don’t have to scroll)

fuck yeah babey

we also have seen something similar to this in the gameplay trailer!

i didn’t actually think it was a giant fucking GUN tho. can we get an F in chat for Promethea and/or whatever else this thing gets aimed at

yooo

i thought this was opportunity at first cuz of the bridge but it’s more likely promethea

when u go meet zer0 you can see some water surrounding the city so i would guess this is somewhere else on promethea

im mostly interested in the giant fuckin triangle in the middle of that courtyard looking area

oh also the giant trench of destruction on the right there. that’s probably important, too.

more concept art!

i think the bottom of the 4 VHs is actually what was leaked in january.

some art of the twins on the left there, tyreen is so much shorter than troy omfg

and this does indeed looks to be a younger version of angel so credit to @prettypinkdork for mentioning that on my angel post. it is nice to see those tech-y wings in action, definitely does prove it’s her.

we can also see this art of what i think is Punk Girl, which is interesting to me because she looks to be doing something with her right hand. possible siren powers? maybe! 

we also get a much cooler, bigger version of that maliwan ship people were talking about, with what look to be maliwan... eye bots? surrounding it. this is soooo fuckin awesome to me because it reminds me of a sailboat. and airships are fucking COOL

but something interesting is that i don’t think this ship was actually always maliwan

we got an A in the back here... for Atlas? i mean... you know it’s coming... the colors would match up. Yeahhhhhhh...

more interesting is that it actually looks like maliwan covered it up with their flags/tarps. i would not be surprised if this was claimed by maliwan possibly during the takeover.

a cyclone, with a whole fuckin lot of detail. just... holy shit.

not much else to say here though. i like the stuffed animal on the side, though

a better shot of jakobs manor which holy shit looks badass as fuck

big turret/observation thing on the right there? im not sure

pretty sure this is eden-6. also more tropical trees? possibly a water planet? but maybe just ocean on eden-6. also there seems to be like webbing on whatever is on the road, so maybe some spider-like wildlife?

most important to me is this

yeah i would bet that’s eridium/slag/the chemical sludge from elpis

im pretty convinced this is something on elpis mostly because the DAHL logo on the side. which again, they were on pandora yes but they were mining for iridium not eridium. if this was pandoran pumping stations, that would be hyperion.

i do think this is elpis. and i do think the twins are using the chemical sludge that mutated the lost legion into those fake siren things to give their followers superpowers.”holy holy holy” indeed.

this, plus the rakk wings on the psycho in the mask of mayhem are just convincing me more and more

that’s all for now folks. i gotta run