#bc that's what ALL one on one social interaction with people my own age does to me

[swinging-stars-from-satellites]

back on my struggle bus about the fact that interacting with someone aside from working makes me feel so viscerally terrified I end up sick to my stomach

[poppitron360]

Someone sent me an ask ages ago about my Valdangelo hcs, but it somehow got deleted? I’m really really sorry bc I missed a chance of a lifetime to infodump so I hope you’re reading this if that was you and you’ve been waiting for my response- here it is. Please please please don’t be discouraged I love it when people send me asks.

This also doubles up as the third instalment of my series about “Why Literally Any Ship Is Better Than Caleo/Deep-Dive Into My Thoughts On All Leo Ships”:

Pt. 1 Valzhang

Pt. 2 Valgrace

We were robbed of Leo and Nico’s friendship. I get that there are a lot of characters and so many arcs to give them, but I wish that Rick had given them more time to interact and spent less time on Caleo, because tbh we never really cared about Cal for any reason other than to develop the men’s arcs. Because Platonic Valdangelo has so much potential that just isn’t covered in the books, I’m gonna base most of this post on what COULD’VE been, from fannon and headcannons.

1. They are Trauma Twinsies. By that, I mean they are both metaphors for different ways of coping with loss. Nico pushes others away from himself, not wanting to get close to anyone. Leo pushes himself away from others, hiding behind an idealised version of himself. Both believe that letting others in would just lead to rejection, and so they shut everyone out to protect themselves. But I feel like Nico copes with it a lot better than Leo does. He has an outlet for it- being emo. As someone who dabbles with emoism myself, I can tell you that, for me, wearing those clothes actually makes me incredibly happy. Nico is owning his pain. Leo is bottling it all up inside and then hiding it behind the jokes and the smiles. I feel like Nico could teach Leo to let it out a bit.

2. Also, their backstories match in more ways than one. Both their moms were killed because of a prophecy about them- leading them both to blame themselves for their deaths. Both have been treated as outcasts because of their powers, Nico by CHB and CJ, Leo by his family (and probably CHB as well, though we don’t really see how he was treated after revealing his abilities). Both ran away because of that. Both probably have religious trauma. They’ve both lost everyone they’ve ever cared about. They’re both being smothered with love and affection by Jason and the rest of the fandom. They both cope with feeling alone by spending more time talking to things that aren’t alive, Nico to the dead, Leo to his machines.

3. So imagine how they could seek comfort in each other! They’ve both been through similar things, so they understand each other’s pain way better than the others. I mean, Jason means well, but he’s never truly known what it’s like to be an outcast- he was held aloft on a golden shield and pronounced Preator. Neither of them would try to “fix” the other, and they wouldn’t try to “one up” the other either. They just share, and when the other says “that sucks”, they know that they really mean it. I imagine they sit five feet apart and just cry. No talking necessary, just silent understanding passing between them. They keep each other company, because they both know what it’s like to be alone.

4. They are both autistic (headcannon). Thank you to @aroaceleovaldez for opening my eyes to this one, and in fact making me realise a few things about myself and why I relate to Leo and Nico so much (pls go check out their posts on the subject, they do a much better job at explaining it than me). But it’s true. I don’t know if Rick did it intentionally or not, but I henceforth hath claimed them both as my kin, alongside Hephaestus himself (“I don’t understand organic life forms”- me neither, man, me neither). Leo and Nico communicate on the same wavelength, something Caleo doesn’t do. Calypso explodes at him for not fitting the “hero” stereotype, for being different. She has no patience with Leo when he does a social fuck-up, something I personally find incredibly frustrating. When he does something wrong, she just shouts at him, and doesn’t take the time to explain what he should do differently. No wonder Leo immediately got defensive! Here was this random woman yelling at him because he broke her table, and he didn’t understand what he did wrong.

5. They are both tiny- much like how Leo and Frank’s physical appearances symbolise their differences, Leo and Nico’s symbolise their similarities. Because all sad people are short, apparently. Valzhang is the yin and the yang, Valdangelo is just two yins excitedly info-dumping about their special interests, (Mythomagic, Machinery/Dragons). Their shortness could be metaphors for many things that they have in common, but I think it best symbolises their loss of childhoods. Nico has changed a lot since he was that happy little ten-year-old we first met in ttc, but Rick never lets us forget that he’s still just a kid. Leo always lacked the physical advantage in fights, so he’s had to learn from an early age to use his brains and his wits to defend himself. As a result, he grew up way too fast, but he still projects that silly, hyperactive little-boy energy as a way to mask. Calypso ridicules Leo for his height and his scrawny appearance.

6. Nico could let Leo get closure on his mom. Think about it. He’d be able to summon her, let him make peace, and let him realise that she does not blame him for her death. Nico could console Leo, reassure him that it wasn’t his fault, because Nico understands more than anybody what Leo is going through. This helps Leo on his arc way more than Calypso could, help him get closure, and learn to accept himself and his powers.

So, the summary of all these points is: They can understand each other on ANOTHER LEVEL. More than Cal and Leo ever could.

Like I said in my Valzhang post, it doesn’t have to be romantic. I hate that everything revolves around romance. Platonic relationships are important, y’all! We all need them, especially Leo, considering how insecure he feels about being the “seventh wheel”.

What ship should I do next? These are all the ones I actively ship, but anything’s better than Caleo. Liper could be fun, or Perleo. Maybe, to prove that literally anything is better than Caleo, I’ll do Leo x Octavian? Lmk in the comments.

[twyllodrus]

dead boy detectives + ride the cyclone AU

like, say, the agency gets a new case in north-eastern saskatchewan, ppl report hearing music & singing once every year, at an abandoned warehouse of a theme park, on a specific day in september. with little digging, they find out there was an accident a while back involving a high school choir

for some reason the cyclone gang never moves on, so the agency arrives & so here are some headcanons for their interactions and agency's reactions to some of the songs:

the uranium suite, everyone's really creeped out/confused, except for niko who's vibing throughout the whole thing; at first the two groups don't realize they can see/speak to each other, but soon the cyclone kids find out that holy shit there are new people here hi hello heyy

everyone's excited about newcomers, ocean especially so, who quickly takes the initiative & so edwin defers to her as the group's leader (to noel's annoyance), and they attempt to work on solving the case together, it's all v civil. but then the talking part's over & the singing part of loop begins, so ocean performs what the world needs which does a total 180 on their encounter thus far & now everyone's high-key judging ocean; edwin gives a lecture on evils of social darwinism

noel's lament, noel right away clocks edwin as a repressed edwardian twink & sets out to put him in a coma with the whole monique routine. strangely the moment lipstick & lingerie come out it doesn't seem to faze edwin as much. but then noel also sees the way edwin sometimes looks at charles & so instead of mischa he pulls charles in for the kiss part, who cheerfully goes along with it, which nearly short-circuits edwin's brain (later on constance and niko get to gush together about two boys kissing). by the end of it everyone's dancing & being dramatic like they're the cast of cabaret on acid, except for edwin who's still digesting what's just happened

every story's got a lesson, everyone's still pissed at ocean, edwin incredulously wonders what was the lesson in being sacrificed to a demon & sent to hell at age 16

at first everyone's kinda cringing during this song is awesome, edwin is convinced this "autotune" is a modern tool used to commune with otherworldly entities, but eventually everyone gets into it; they all get sunglasses on, crystal gets edwin to wear a baseball cap backwards, everyone's having general fun

talia, charles is relived to learn that "the angriest boy in town", who could've been easily chalked up to being the toxic masculinity type dudebro, isn't like that at all (just mischa's whole monologue "i lay my masculinity at the altar of your maidenhood" gods). everyone gets to wear vyshyvankas & flower crowns. it's gorgeous

ricky potts unintentionally answers the age-old question of "is it actually possible to give a ghost an aneurysm?" the answer is yes, and space age bachelor man almost succeeds where the noel's lament failed. the moment horny cat people are in the mix, edwin is bombarded with cat king flashbacks and, later on, crystal "casually" mentions that they have met the actual cat king. ricky is super hype & asks lots of questions, giggling, twirling hair etc and also he totally called it that cats can talk but just choose not to

the ballad of jane doe, crystal hardcore relates to the dead decapitated girl, who doesn't know her own name or her past, or who her parents were and whom no one can identify too ("oh no soul, and no name, and no story, what a shame" like c'mon!)

jawbreaker/sugar cloud, everyone's gets a tad teary-eyed, but charles is openly weeping when constance lists all the random things in her life which she grew to appreciate only after the accident

in the end, they figure out the reason they couldn't move on is bc of virgil the rat who for some reason kept shutting karnak off prematurely, before the voting could begin. after figuring that out the voting proceeds as intended, but instead of one of them returning to the living world, they all get to move on. niko adopts virgil the rat

[effervescentdragon]

This is gonna be a rant bcs i havent done one in a while, it went feom too hot to too cold way too quickly, i havent fought with anyone in a while and im itching for it, and im sick an tired of certain things im seeing popping up recently despite there being many, many posts about it that summarize it all very succintly amd more eloquently than im about to, but fuck it im adding mine too.

Two main points. Numero uno.

You are not entitled to fandom spaces being catered to you.

Ive seen younger fans do this all the time, and i could go very ad hominem about what i think of youmger generations and what kind of internet experiences and spaces they've been raised in, but i wont. I will say that predictive algorithms and that scourge on the web tiktok have done irreparable damage to a whole genrration that expects content to just be presented to them on silver plates without them having to move their thumbs even a bit to search for what they want, alongside erasing what little critical thinking and reading skills theyve already somewhat had.

But thats not the point of this rant. My main problem here is when someone comes into a space, lets take an example of a discord server, and then starts whining how "all these older people are here too".

Firstly, fuck off. And i say this most empathetically - if something is not to your liking, literally just leave. Fuck off. Nobody wants you here. Go find a place that caters to your needs better instead of expecting this already existing space to bow down amd change to suit your needs. Thats not hkw this works, not how life works, not how anything works. Your entitlement is unfounded, has no geounds, is childish and frankly extremely disgusting. Go make your own fucking space then, one that you can tailor to your needs instead of expecting the space to warp to suit you. You are nothing in this context, and you are entitled to nothing, except basic rules of polite conduct that ar3 expected of everyone by social contract of interacting with other people in a space.

Point numero dos.

Fuck your ageism and fuck your idiotic assumption that there is an arbitrary age when you should leave fandom because you're "too old" and "it's creepy".

The world is not restricted to the young. The world is not built for the young only. Joy is not restricted to the young. YOU ARE NOT BETTER B3CAUSE YOU'RE YOUNG. I would in fact argue the opposite, because obvious lack of life experience (especially when compounded with the fact that most of the experience most of you even have are limited to online spaces and not the actual outside world) shows itself in both your ignorance about the (fandom) history and with your conpletely misguided sense of entitlement i already spoke about.

What even is the age to be enrolled in fandom? Does life stop after 20? 25? 29? Or god forbid, *gasp*, thirty? Thats basically both feet in the grave, isn't it?

Do you even hear yourselves? Because unless you have forwknowledge or plan to die when you come to [insert arbitrary age here], you are still going to be living after that. Will that moment, that birthday be the time whrre you go "right. im too old now. i should erase all the joy ive gotten feom fandoms up until now b3cause im too old and fandoms and fandom spaces are only for young people, which i am not anymore. bye bye".

What the everloving fuck. Do you think young people are the onse who built fandoms? Do i have to drag out star trek spirk housewives? Do i have to reference diana duane? Do i have to dig through a million posts on this godforsaken website that tell you about communities of people of all ages coming together to enjoy things and make fandom spaces as wonderful as they are?

Do you think you can only enjoy life up until [insert arbitrary fucking age here]? Do you think life stops after 30, 40, 50, 60, 70, if you're lucky to live that long?

What the everloving fuck is wrong with you???

Instead of sending stupid 😭 emojis about people being older than your 18 years of age and still enjoying things, go read a bit on fandom history. Log off fucking predictive algorithm pages, stop scrolling, read a fucking book, go touch a cow, smoke or touch some grass, talk to actual fuking people and not just bemoan existence of older people in your tween echo chambers.

Get a fucking life, adapt, and/or leave the rest of us alone. The world does not revolve around you, and if you keep insisting it does, well. We older generations have no problem with blocking. We value ourselves too much to disrupt our joy with childish whinings of entitled assholes.

[mike-haters-dni]

GIMMIE THE FUTURE MIKE HCS I BEG

oh boy here we go time to dig through my adopted oc's lore

The first thing you notice about post-coming-of-age Mike is that he holds his face a lot more softly. The teenage angst has burned away and revealed the tender, affectionate (and sometimes vaguely sad) core it was protecting. Make no mistake, the judgy bitch will still come out if the situation calls for it, but he no longer approaches every social interaction assuming the other person is going to hate him. Turns out he can actually be pretty charismatic when he doesn't feel the need to be a dick in preemptive self-defense.

The low self-esteem never completely goes away but it does diminish to the point where he can occasionally believe people actually like him and maybe he deserves to be happy. He even gets to the place where he can accept most compliments, except if you specifically imply he is either kind or attractive, which he will reflexively scoff at. The two things he can never truly believe about himself 😔. El finds this endlessly frustrating ofc.

During high school, Mike is the first one to get a car (birthday present from his rich parents) so it becomes his job to carpool everyone to school, as well as drive El anywhere she wants to go at any time. idk anything about cars but its black and pretty nice (Karen is absolutely treating her kids after they almost died in a monster war) and Mike lowkey mostly agrees to favors because he likes driving it around so much.

Actually no one else but Lucas gets a car bc why go through the hassle when you can just barge into Wheeler residence at any time and guilt Mike into driving you. He does have a driving toll however, and that is maintaining full control of the stereo, which he uses to blast hair metal.

(El fucking hates hair metal but she's too nice to admit that to Mike, who eventually figures that out on his own after seeing her visibly tense up whenever he plays it. She never fully admits to hating it but she also doesn't really deny it when he says that she obviously does. This also applies to 90's Mike getting into grunge)

The only reason El graduates high school is because Mike absolutely insists that she can and acts as her personal (unrelenting) tutor for the last half of 12th grade (love her but she's really not good at school), despite her best efforts to persuade him to just let her give up because "Did you know that you can legally drop out of school at 18?" ("Yes, but having a GED is really important if you want any opportunities in life." "…See I don't even know what that is." ":/") Luckily, Mike is a talented and very passionate Explainer of Things and took all the classes she's in last year (he's in AP classes now obv) so it all works out, though after she passes her last final she makes him swear to never ask her another math problem again.

After high school he tries to go to college for writing but ends up mysteriously losing the ability to focus on anything or be creative, which causes him to not do any assignments so he starts avoiding going to class out of shame. He rationalizes this as him being tired of school and not needing to go to school for a creative endeavor anyway haha (true), and he ends up dropping out. (Unfortunately, this is just the start of the college/post-college plot line, which is the gang all getting hit full force with the ptsd induced by the Everything upon entering adulthood but uh we don't have to get into that here hehe)

After (attempting) college, Mike and El (who get married at 18 ofc) move to Chicago and Mike gets a boring job as an editor or something just as an attempt to get a career going, but soon quits that as well bc if you're keeping up with the lore you'll remember that El is getting paid restitution by the government so neither of them actually have to work and he really doesn't like working a boring job just to attempt getting a career going. He then spends the next few years working ("working" sometimes) on personal projects, the main one being a sci-fi novel and, eventually, dming at a local game shop, where he becomes a bit of a local geek celebrity for his excellent dming skills and being a generally cool guy. His original campaigns and one-shots are particularly popular, and people keep suggesting that he start distributing them or maybe even sending something to TSR? Hmmm... not something Mike ever thought about doing but he does have the easiest time and most fun coming up with dnd stuff...no way that could be a real career path could it...hmm.....

Seriously tho Mike is like a master dm. You can ask him any obscure question about anything in the game and he can answer instantly with perfect accuracy. And like any passionate gamer he has many Opinions about the editions and a whole set of house rules he runs his games by.

I wasn't originally going to have him and El have kids but then I imagined Mike telling interactive bedtime stories to his 5-year-old daughter and idk man I think that has to exist. Its not until they're like early 30's tho. Also her name is Ava.

[mimikoolover]

I agree with your point on the vminkook dynamic either skewing towards vmin, jikook or taekook. I have noticed that even if all three are together, there’ll usually be a duo that’ll dominate the conversation, even if the duos are interchanging throughout.

I do think that’s because all three are quite distinct people with distinctly different interests. In the earlier days, they were the token youngsters who wreaked havoc and were always hyper. As the years have gone by, they’ve matured and found different interests. You can see how this reflects in the distinctiveness of their solo music.

I do agree that Tae might’ve insisted on this trip to hang out more with Jimin in particular. He was so attuned to him the whole time, it was really sweet.

Vmin don’t have a lot in common objectively but, there’s this connection between them that I really don’t see in any other Jimin duo. They started off as typical teenage boys to then young men, rough housing and insulting eachother. As the years have gone by, yes they aren’t attached at the hip anymore but, they seem to just click together no matter how much time they spend apart. Their relationship has mellowed over time and there’s a comfortable vibe that’s settled over them. They’re a lot gentler in the way they interact and speak with one another. I really love their bond and the subtle way it’s matured. I’ve been in the fandom for quite a while so, I understand how newer fans might not have picked up on this. That was a bit of a tangent but, I just wanted to emphasis how special vmin is. I’ve seen way too many people shitting on their friendship because of stupid ship discourse.

I think having Tae there, no matter how involved he was in the activities, was a good thing. I think jikook’s dynamic becomes so much more noticeable when it’s contrasted with their interactions with other members in the same situations. You can really see how different they are when they interact with Tae vs eachother.

it's nice to hear this perspective and I loved your description of vmin. they really are distinctly different people although I'm not that certain on them maturing too much😂obviously they have but just because of their job fame and money I wonder how much real life 'normal' experiences they had where they would have matured more. but either way I think vmin is interesting to me because it does highlight the differences between jikook vs any other pairing even just in the way that if vmin are soulmates then what are jikook who seem even closer than vmin now? you have jimin with his same age friend then you have jimin pining for jk in 2016. and if you already have a soulmate do you necessarily want another one or would you pine for someone else? that to me was always interesting cause you had vmin as soulmates but then jimin was insisting jungkook choose him for everything and love him so yeah. I have to say when jikook became closer to each other they kind of dropped tae at the time, in my honest opinion. with vmin it probably wasn't as severe as between taekook bc their 'base level of soulmates' but jikook also have different needs in terms of tae loving to be popular, having loads of friends, being a social butterfly whereas jungkook for sure and jimin as well prefer having select long term loyal close friends. idk what I'm saying at this point but I also do not enjoy people shitting on vmin or taekook for that matter because they all have their unique relationships which are precious in their own ways.

[dani-ya-dig]

Okay I’m finally gonna do it.

I’m watching all three of the summit audios and posting just an absolute clusterfuck of my thoughts about it

So thought’s beneath the cut I guess

The Monarchial Summit

No but I’m actually with Milo on this one who the fuck only owns one belt?? I don’t even go to formal things but I still own multiple belts

Also Ash accusing Aggro of stealing his shoes… like the cat of MILO GREER would touch anything Asher would wear anyways. The fucking audacity of that statement.

Makayla existing might be one of the juiciest princes of information my brain soaked up from this anthology. I need to know more about this woman. I don’t even know why

Yeah… welcome to monarchy lovely… it’s great I swear

SAMMMMM!!!

Also like if y’all have idea for things that Sam wore to the summit share them with me bc I genuinely can not imagine anyone being able to get that man into anything more than a black and white tux

Sam and Darling better have got that fucking ice cream, I don’t give two FUCKS who died for them to get it. They deserve it. I love them in case you couldn’t tell. I’m pretty lowkey abt it.

GOD Porter is such a fucking asshole I love him so bad

Also this is probably gonna be something I bring up multiple times throughout this post but I love seeing the dynamic that the Solaire kiddos have going on. Like they interact pretty similarly to me and my siblings (except… you know… way more toxic) and I think it’s a fun dynamic that I genuinely want to see more of. I know the clan probably doesn’t hang out as a unit as often as like the Shaw Pack does but I really wanna see more of them together.

God I know the Shaw Solstice parties must be so fun

Also do you guys actually think anyone is like dancing at the Summit? Because I genuinely can’t imagine it. I would love to imagine vampires waltzing but it feels like it’s more of a socialization stand around and talk to people event… which is far less fun

“It’s a party not a funeral” it is actually so silly that you would say that you old fuck

SHUT THE YOUR UGLY ASS UP CHRISTOPHER!! I KNOW VINCENT IS SLAYING AT THIS FUCKING PARTY

Also what does “there’s mud in your eye” mean? Is that what Christopher says? I’ve never heard that expression in my life.

OHHH ITS ALEXIS!! I HAVE SO MUCH TO SAY ANT THIS PART!!!

Also GOD props to Alexis’s voice actor because every single line was delivered so fucking perfectly that it actually makes me wanna scream. ITS SO GOOD

I know her saying “mates” condescendingly must have already had Darlin wanting to whoop her

SHE SAID THE THING!!! SHE SAID THE THING THAT NO ONE HS BROUGHT UP UNTIL THIS POINT!!!

Seriously I hope that’s a topic we get to touch on more in later audios, is whether Darlin wants to be turned or not, because there is so much potential there and I LIVE FOR IT!!! And then like a Sam comfort audio where Darlin is all anxious that he isn’t gonna like them if they age even if they know that’s not the case in their heart GOD I FLDNSKDNDJDNHDJDHDZHJDHDHD

Sorry I got too excited

UGH OLDER DARLIN!! MWAH MWAH MWAH!

I may consistently talk abt how much I love Sam but Darlin is the character I actually have a crush on guys

Alexis does make a point though. I don’t remember exactly how old she is but I seriously doubt that Darlin would stand a chance against her in a fight based on her age alone.

“Pettiness isn’t childish at all. It’s what we GROWNUPS use to express our distaste when we grow up from our adolescent power fantasies and learn how the real world works” So we are just lying now? Also, okay meemaw sorry didn’t mean to disrespect my elders. Old ass.

The fact that she knew if Sam came over when she was talking to Darlin that it would start a fight

Also this part is something I saw a few Alexis fans complaining about. Saying stuff like “oh so Alexis is just a villain and doesn’t actually get any dimension as character great 🙄” but like??? Are you guys not seeing what I’m seeing about this?? One, Alexis is talking out of her ass, she is saying anything she can to make Darlin angry or feel like shit. That doesn’t mean anything she is saying holds any merit. She could 100% be lying, and there could have been good intentions behind her turning him, even if it was a stupid decision. Like Porter said Alexis is a delightful blend of self assured and insecure. Do you really think if she held regret for what she did she would let other people see that?? Sam actively says that the shit she has gone through has made her hardened but there is still a person underneath all of it.

I’m not even an Alexis fan but it baffles me that you guys don’t still see the possibility for her to have depth, even just within headcanon if it’s never talked about again.

DARLIN TAP ME IN PLS I COULD TAKE HER IN A VERBAL SPAR PLS PLS PLS PLS PLS

Porter to the rescue!

DRAG HER ASS PORTER!! SICK EM!!

Also Porter is strangely kind to Darlin?? Like in this audio sure he says he only helped them so he didn’t have to deal with the aftermath of a fight between them and Alexis, but also in the audio with him and Vincent the first thing he does when he meets them I compliment them. Potential for begrudging besties?? Or Porter trails Darlin around and they can’t shake him no matter how hard they try??

DARLINS FOOTSTEPS AS THEY RUN AFTER SAM <33

“You should >:(“ actually who the fuck do you think you are???

QUINN FORESHADOWING??? PLS PLS PLS??? I genuinely don’t see any reason to have this interaction if it isn’t foreshadowing to something happening with Quinn

“I needn’t mention Porter” PLS WHAT HAS PORTER DONE THAT IS SO AWFUL THAT PPL OUTSIDE OF THE HOUSE KNOW IT???

“Invocation’s from maker to progeny, not the other way around Sam 🙄” SHE IS SO SASSY I CANT! EVERY LINE SHE HAS I SWEAR

“But playing is what I do best <3” STAY AWAY FROM MY MAN HOMEWRECKERRRRRR /ref

SEE GUYS THIS IS WHAT IM TALKING ABT!! IM NOT A FAN OF ALEXIS BY ANY MEANS BUT JUST BECAUSE SHE SAID SHE TURNED SAM FOR SELFISH REASONS DOESNT MEAN YOU CANT STILL VIEW HER AS A MULTI-FACETED CHARACTER

NOT THE NIGHT OLD CUP OF NOODLES

Porter quoting Sam. I love to imagine that this is something that Vampire have to explain often so they just all end up explaining the same way eventually.

“What’s it to you” MILO BEING PROTECTIVE OVER SWEETHEART!! IM FOAMING AT THE MOUTH.

Wait how did Porter know that Sweetheart was investigating Closeknit?? Does that actually matter? Am I thinking too much?

“I don’t expect you to get it” as if every piece of media with a masquerade or large ball type event doesn’t have some kind of murder mystery undertones Porter. This truly shouldn’t have surprised anyone.

Super sleuth sweetheart <33

ASHER YOU DONT NEED TO TURN TO EVERYONE ELSE FOR THE ANSWERS ALL THE TIME!! U R SMART!! YOU CAN MAKE DECISIONS!!

Like even when it wasn’t him saying that he needed to go to David he still turned to Babe as if asking them what to do

Darlin is stronger than I. this shit would have made me cry so hard so fast I would have lost it

I love that even with all of the chaos happening inside Sam and Darlin still just get to have their sweet little moment alone

ANGEL SITTING IN ON THE MEETING WITH DAVID!!!

Food for thought, during the meeting David was holding Angel’s hand under the table and messing with their engagement ring???

“Ash… look at me” WHY SO YOU TWO CAN KISS??? STOP BEING SO IN LOVE WITH YOUR BEST FRIEND DAVID THIS IS SERIOUS BUSINESS

I genuinely thought they were gonna kiss goodbye at the end of that

Closeknit’s mission?? To what?? enable Blake’s obsession with his best friend??? To kidnap people and hold the hostage???

“Ow Porter what the hell! 😢”

“We are all sick of being your babysitter” (babysitter Sam enters stage right ready to drag both of them away by their ears)

THE MUSIC PICKING UP AT THE END IS SO KCNDKSBDJXHDBDBD I LUB IT

Vampire Justice

Alexis’s little “yeeeesss” is so silly of her. Someone has literally been murdered and she is just in a goofster mood

VINCENT’S LITTLE “lex :(“ AND THEN SHE FINALLY STOPS TEASING HIM!!! THEY ARE SIBLINGS UR HONOR!!!

ANGRY PROTECTIVE ASHER!!! GOD I CANT EVEN!!!

Also damn does sass just run in the family Alexis and Porter are so sassy

FAMILY!! HE SAID THE THING!!! THE WORD THAT MAKES ME CRY!!

hehehehe Mr. Shaw

Everyone is all shocked by the fact that they hold their own hearing instead of going to the department as if that’s the craziest thing about their legal system and not the fact that they literally are going to hold a public execution for Quinn

Also Sam seems just as much in the dark on a lot of this as the Shaw Pack does and I think that’s so funny. He has been a vampire for 15 years but just never have enough of a fuck to want to learn about vampiric court.

Monarch Baz really does not give a singular fuck.

“A pile of bones obviously” I could hear the eye roll in her voice

A LONG WALK IN THE SUN HAHAHAHAHAA

I know that he is innocent… but I really don’t like Christopher anyways

“I forgot to turn of the oven four years ago” PORTER!!

Dr. Samuel Collins knowing more about demon blood and its effects on vamps while being clueless about vampiric law

PLS CLOSEKNIT HAD TO MAKE A NOTES APP APOLOGY SAYING THAT THEY DONT KIDNAP DEMONS!! AND THEY WERE LYING TOO!! AND EVERYONE FUCKING KNOWS IT???

BITE HIS ASS MILO!!! SICK EM!!

Again I know he is innocent but Christopher was a little too comfortable saying “my former king” so quickly…

WITHOUT A FUCKING SECOND OF HESITATION JUST DROP DEAD IMMEDIATELY

THE CRUNCH

ICKY

Also I know the entire Shaw Pack jumped back

STONE COLD DAVID LOVE TO SEE IT

Monarch Baz is so unimpressed I love her

The Game

AYEEE RIOT ACT!! HE SAID THE REDACTED AUDIO THING!!

Yeah that was grimy of William. Not that the king and prince of the Bennett house didn’t deserve it mind you. But taking their assets was kind of adding salt to the injury. (I gotta respect it tho! Gotta respect it!)

Also it raises the question does the house of Bennett still exist if both of their leaders are dead? Do they have someone who falls next in the line of succession?

Also I get that Vincent is like going through his world kind of crumbling down a little bit… but also… like I expected he would be a little more angry learning about the hand the house of Bennett had in helping Closeknit and basically sponsoring the Inversion?? Like that’s the event that killed your partner and gave you no choices other than turn them into a vampire forever and strip them of their powers or let them die. I thought we would see a little more relief that they are dead.

Also Vincent being all like “it was different with Adam” IN WHAT WAY BRO??? IN WHAT WAY??? Adam tortured your partner and I must restate the Bennetts pretty much sponsored the death of A THOUSANDS PEOPLE!! ONE OF WHICH WAS YOUR PARTNER!!! ITS THE SAME???

Wait… Porter was turned by a year old vamp? I HAVE EVEN MORE QUESTIONS ABUT WHY HE IS SO POWERFUL WITH MAGIC THEN!! WHAT IS THIS DUDES SECRET??

I hope that after hearing each other’s perspectives that this can bring Porter and Vincent closer together. Or at least make them hate each other less. I’m pretty sure it will, and I’m excited to see it.

Okay I genuinely don’t have too much to say about this video but one thing I will say is that it hits very close to home, in a very odd way. I could just be projecting and taking this the wrong way. However, I was the youngest child in my family, and I was too young to understand some of the stuff that happened around me or people tried to shelter me from it. Then when I was outright told the truth it kind of broke the way I viewed my life and the people in it, in a way that can’t really be fixed. So I feel that a lot through Vincent’s situation. Obviously not the same thing because my family isn’t centuries old vampires who have killed before and will kill again lmao. But that feeling of not knowing what to trust anymore, or what was real or what you just made up to make things fit the narrative that you were told. It hits pretty fucking deep.

(Am I over sharing on the internet? Possibly. But also it’s my blog so I can do whatever I want!)

Overall my thoughts areeee… While the summit wasn’t what I was expecting it was going to be I enjoyed it! It was refreshing to get some… possible moves on other storylines, some foreshadowing for ones that are going, and new information on characters!

[paperw0rmz]

Complete guide to Flickr and why you should use it

bc I got some things wrong but it’s still a very good website that we should all use instead of Instagram

1: Flickr isn’t tied to Meta or any of that Facebook bullshit, from my knowledge it doesn’t share your contacts so no one will get a notification that you joined, it’s safer that way and more private than Instagram.

2: It’s built for photos. Instagram kills quality of photos, if you’re an artist, especially a digital one, uploading to Flickr would be way better for people to actually see detail and the color.

Going on with this because it’s built for photos, while it can host video, it doesn’t have TikTok/Reels and lives which is soooo nice. Like I don’t hate that stuff, but I like that Flickr isn’t trying to catch on the latest trends.

3: There isn’t likes. Flickr is mainly for sharing and LOOKING at photos. The most interaction you can get one on one is commenting, following, and favoriting. Favoriting is basically the public saves, no one really faves things on there unless it’s a recipe or for a reference or something.

4: Groups. Flickr does have an option for communities to make groups in where you can share similar interests MOST OF THESE ARE DEAD BUT WE CAN BRING THEM BACK!!! (IM BEGGING)

5: The bios are unlimited ( I think ), I copy and pasted the entire Bee Movie script three times along with my own bio that was already in there. I’m always pissed when I have to trim my bio, so bitches who like to put everything in their bio this website is for YOU

6: It’s in chronological order. Everything. You can even look up when certain posts where made by year, month, even fucking day. The archives of Flickr are so fucking fun.

7: Its not a contest. The main reason as to why I fucking hate Instagram (other than they took away chronological order and being able to see the recents under a tag) is that it focuses too much on “#aesthetic” even on the casual Instagram side people are still posing and trying to make an aesthetic of it. Flickr is just for photos you like, which yes can be aesthetic, but it’s mainly for daily life. You will see older people just posting what they are working on, maybe a cat they saw at the store, nothing planned. Just a quick unprompted click.

8: Organization, Flickr let’s you have Albums which is where you can organize all your photos in much like Pinterest. Most do it by year but others do it by topic too.

9: You can upload photos in bulk. You don’t have to upload them one by one, or at a limit of ten, you can upload a FUCK ton of photos at once.

10: if you don’t like ads and want more storage space, the pro version is extremely cheap compared to Netflix. Netflix without ads is fucking $15.49 and Flickr is $8.25 a month. There are also two other payment plans if that’s still too much for you.

11: It allowed adult content. In like. Every form. Enough said

CONS

1: You can’t DM (this is not a con to me and I hate when people complain about this just fucking use a email it is so fun to email people please for the love of god)

2: You can only upload 1,000 images before you run out of space. (You can always delete images later, I personally like to delete images at new years for a fresh start and archive them somewhere else)

3: it’s dead. No one really uses it.

4: to upload your bio you have to use a desktop version of the app.

THANK YOU FOR READING PLEASE SWITCH TO FLICKR AND SHARE THIS SO WE CAN START TO REVIVE OLD PLATFORMS TO SAVE THEM TO REBEL AGAINST META AND THIS NEW AGE OF CREATING SOCIAL MEDIA APPS AND SHIT

[the-chattering-tower]

For Lore asks!

I need you to tell me things about Shio and Krasna because I read "gay roadtrip" and every serotonin receptor in my brain engaged- do they have any experiences in their travels together that had that 'terrible at the time, but they laugh about it later' vibe to them?

Because I also have a circus performer named Starling (He's a Knife thrower!) I'd like to know more about yours!- Did they always want to be a dancer? Is his talent with magic from something he'd rather forget, or are they simply just reluctant to discuss it with people that don't know them particularly well-even their family among the circus?

This got long, so I'm gonna pop it under a read more!

Krasna and Shio my beloveds

Oh, absolutely! The most notable instance being randomly running into Vortex only a week or two after Shio had decided to start behaving himself. Vortex is a bounty hunter, travelling along the Molten Scar and adjacent territories picking up suitable jobs, and they have spent years on and off in the same town that Shio is from. Except they haven't visited in a few years and as a result have Completely Missed the whole thing about Shio becoming Too Much Of A Problem and Getting Yeeten

Meaning Vortex is very enthusiastic about running into "little Shio :)" randomly! It's like meeting an aunt you haven't seen in like seven years - they maybe remember what used to be your Favourite Thing when you were a kid and mostly guess right which of your siblings is the eldest, but also they only really ask about how school is going (you graduated three years ago) and if you've got a girlfriend yet. This is not at all dispelled by the fact that Vortex is covered in spikes and carries weapons neither of the gays could hope to lift. Vortex asks how things are back home, what fun journey Shio must be having this far out, and also immediately jokes about whether Krasna is Shio's boyfriend. And Shio freezes bc this is already Unexpected and he has No Script For This. Charisma gone. Gay crush called out. Oh shit oh fuck

Krasna tries his best to conduct the interaction in the moments Shio needs to get his shit together, but Krasna's way of doing that is Be Friendly and Nod Along, which according to Shio only makes things Worse and More Awakward. In the moment it's a whole lot of fumbling and digging themselves deeper into social holes to be witnessed by someone who used to give Shio mediocre candy when he was still a hatchling

Later on it does become an anecdote to laugh about though, especially for Krasna who loves to retell it and watch Shio's mortification

*

Oh! Fellow circus Starling haver! That's a fun coincidence :D

Starling is so old in terms of how long I've had them for, how long ago I wrote his bio, that I have Absolutely No Clue where 2019 me was going with the whole magic secrecy thing. So, time to reinvent it! And answer two questions in the process at once

Starling did not always wanna be a dancer, no. Once upon a time, he was a very promising student in a very prestigious magic academy. It's what they were told they were good at from a very young age, and it was true. They were on a path to greatness, according to the adults watching over him

Until one day Starling realised that it's not what he Wants. A friend had dragged them out of studying to join them at a local harpy festival for the evening, and from then it was all downhill for Starling, as far as their tutors were concerned anyway. He found joy outside of the academy walls, in ribbons and music and dance, in entertainment and laughs and quick flings

They didn't run away with the circus, no. They unenrolled, paid their tuition, set out on their own. The joy he had found mattered but he wanted to be somewhere without the shadow of the academy looming right over it

Back when they were still a new addition to the circus, the refusal to talk about where he learned magic from was indeed because he hoped to just…forget. They had worked hard to become a dancer, to hone their art, they had put a lot of love and joy into it. They worried that upon learning about his education, others would focus in on that, ignore his "lesser" accomplishment of pursuing dance and instead mourn the lost, prospective academic career. Today, it's still the reason they don't disclose it to strangers and to new additions to the circus right away, though now less driven by fear and self-consciousness and more by just not wanting to deal with it, thank you very much

Also, it's funny. A dancer with mysteriously acquired magic powers, don't tell anyone that said mysterious acquisition involved a lot of all-nighters and takeout

He had spent years refusing to do much more than basic magic around others for the same reasons. They still don't do it much, not the most powerful or complicated stuff anyway, but they don't constrain themself too hard. They've made peace with it, accepted that their knowledge does still matter, can still be useful and a point of pride without overwhelming. Only then did he start incorporating magic into his dance

[tea-with-evan-and-me]

good evening! your response is well said & you’re completely right. evan has gotten so much shit from so many people over the years, it’s exhausting constantly having to defend him & reveal truth to people. regarding the person who said those things about evan, i’m pretty sure that was actually my first time interacting with them, they are not my preexisting friend. & you’re right, age really does not matter when it comes to false accusations & i believe that wholeheartedly. the reason i mentioned his age is bc i was under the impression some of your readers were wanting you to drag him rather than educate him in a respectful manner & i have an issue with people cyberbullying minors for the sake of it. if i misread that then i apologize & i’ll change my perspective.

& i never unfollowed you queen, i just made a new acc & got rid of the old one which is probably why you thought i unfollowed. i appreciate what you do for this fandom & even if we disagree on some things, i respect you & believe that you have nothing but good intentions. not that you would know bc it hasn’t been public but i have defended you many times as well. my frustrations are not with you specifically, i am more so using your platform to speak to the anons who seem to have an issue with me as they are doing.

to the anons who are concerned about my posts, i would be happy to speak to you directly & have a civil conversation if you are ever interested but idk who you are so if you care to discuss further, please don’t hesitate to dm me! i am more than happy to have a discussion at any time.

tweam, i hope that you enjoy your edibles & bubble bath! i’m going to go spend some time with my loved ones before unwinding.

i sincerely do appreciate you clarifying your statement and why you responded the way you did. i understand, and truthfully, i think most fans who see people repeating false information get exhausted, and the default position is to assume that the person wants to argue, be defamatory, and has no interest in you educating them by presenting facts that counter their argument. while that is very common on stan twt, it's not always the case, and we have to do our best to operate with good intentions and not become malicious because of past experiences. i certainly do try to maintain my perspective, so thank you for saying that.

and to any readers who want to weigh in on this: please understand that this is not the place to hold forum about a social media user that you don't like. the door has already been opened for you to speak directly if you feel like there is something you need to say, so i ask that you do not attempt to use me as a go-between because i am not posting this type of message. i know it's the norm for people to share tweets that they disagree with or peoples' hot takes, and that's fine - but if there is a situation where a particular person just really rubs you the wrong way, there's no reason continually seek them out. one of the reasons i created this blog was because i wanted people to have a space where all could share thoughts/opinions/discuss topics about evan that were way too policed on other platforms, and particularly, to move away from the extreme negativity and bullying atmosphere of the post-frannie and dahmer fandom that was going to hell on here. i know everyone is bored because of the lack of evan content, but i really just don't care about someone being a fan of jared leto or who is beefing on twitter. it isn't relevant, none of this has anything to do with evan, and it for damn sure doesn't have anything to do with me. i have my own opps to deal with lmfao i truly appreciate everyone who contributes to this blog positively - whether you send in your fanfic writing, your random thoughts about evan, excitement when we get a new crumb, tiktok edits, legal services for koya, etc.. it is valued, and tweam is only possible because of what you guys add.

[fortheloveofexy]

🕯️ 💥 💞 (@stabbyfoxandrew's main)

I just noticed there are two 🕯 questions on the ask game. Not sure which one you meant so I will just answer both!

🕯️how do you think engaging with each other through tumblr, twitter, comments, kudos, creates healthy fandom experiences? How do you deal with that if you're not a social person/experience social anxiety?

I think that positive engagement with fandom can really be a powerful motivator. Part of it is the dopamine hit you get from making something good that a lot of people like, but I also think that even just the smallest positive interaction with others can really build friendship and community.

I have friends whom I've known for years now, and our friendship started because we both agreed Andrew is beefy and got very loud and passionate about it! I have friends whom I only got to know because I was a new fandom author in need of beta readers. Hell, I've made friends with people because we were excited to talk about the omegaverse!

I think the important thing with fandom interactions is to remember that there is a full and complete human behind every username, and that fandom-related stuff is only as serious as you want it to be.

🕯️was there a fic that was really hard on you to write, or took you to a place you didn't think it would take you?

Of all the fics I've written, More Than Words has been the hardest by far. I decided going into this fic that I wanted to incorporate a lot of elements and experiences from my own childhood into it, and that includes both good and bad experiences.

It has required that I examine memories and emotions I've long since tucked away, and that has been both deeply painful and extremely cathartic. Each chapter is emotionally exhausting to write, but it feels necessary to do so, both because I think it will help me process some shit and because I feel like it's a story that needs to be told.

💥find your least kudos'd fic - say something wonderful about it.

I'm gonna narrow this down to least kudos'd completed fic because I know there are some people who hold off on leaving kudos until a work is finished. So let's talk about And Baby, I'll Shut Up.

I'm actually quite happy with this one. It was a gift for my dear friend @halfpintpeach. I've never tried to write a fic based on a song before, so it was an interesting challenge to try an incorporate the lyrics and shape the themes of the song into a workable plot. In the end it's a very simple little fic, but I like the imagery and the prose quite a bit, so I'm happy with how it turned out.

💞what's the most important part of a story for you? the plot, the characters, the worldbuilding, the technical stuff (grammar etc), the figurative language

For me, it's the characters, always. I find that things like plot, worldbuilding and grammar cease to matter if your characters are not relatable, if not loveable. I love it when characters feel like fleshed out, real people, like friends I've never met and yet deeply know.

My technical writing is merely okay. I don't get too stressed about things like grammar - so long as it's readable and not distracting, I don't much care. I could spend ages perfecting it but really, it's not a big deal. The only thing I am really particular about is spelling, but that's because I personally find it distracting.

In my opinion, my prose is more serviceable than beautiful, and I'm okay with that. It's something I'd like to get better at in the long term, but honestly I think my prose being on the simpler side sometimes works in my favor, bc it means my writing is really approachable and easy to read.

It might not have the most interesting or stimulating turns-of-phrase, but I do think it lends itself to telling a story that just sucks you in. If prose is a window through which a story is viewed, then my window is floor to ceiling glass - its simple and unobtrusive, it does not stand out so it does not get in the way.

[inchidentally]

feel like this one might be a bit hmmmmm so putting my response behind a cut to keep it out of tags

I've been mulling over how to respond to this bc I can't quite tell the intent behind it or if it's leaning sort of anti Lando? I'm gonna do my best and not assume too much?

I mean first and foremost in full reality Lando and Carlos are just shooting the shit when they meet up. I'd pointed out in a previous ask that when carlando race moments get isolated out they're missing a lot of the same pair ups happening out of frame. there are a whole lot of friends meeting up for one on ones like that. they're also being just as physically without boundaries but folks have latched onto carlando more than those (me included lol). in terms of rpf material maxiel and galex are waaayyyy more intimate and devoted to each other.

but yeah none of these guys are talking about personal shit in those moments. they've got a race up ahead and they're catching up on everything from sports to sports and sports and then maybe something funny from a group chat or social media. mics have sometimes picked up on bits of them talking (including carlando) and it's the most banal guy talk you've ever heard in your life. it's way better as a fan of a ship to focus on how close they stand and pretend they're gooey over each other lsgjlaflslahd

so I think whatever you're seeing in Carlos in terms of choosing to go talk to other guys is just as incidental and without meaning! Carlos will always seek out Checo and Nando the way all ppl want to talk in their native language for a change. and literally the entire grid wants to talk to Lewis lol. especially if a free shoulder rub comes out of it.

and babe Carlos' gfs have always been his preferred place to be during down time on race weekends so there's never going to be much if any interaction with Lando. I can't comment on what Carlos actually feels obviously but he's a guy who needs a gf in his life and they're where he goes as soon as the racing weekend is over.

real life non-rpf carlando for me has always been a big brother/little brother relationship very similar to Charles with Arthur. they love each other and huddle together a lot but there's also a divide in terms of one feeling responsible for the other. so maybe what you're seeing is that sometimes big brother wants to go off with his partner and be around people his own age while little brother does the same.

[vitaegratis]

The difference between DNI’s and callouts, bc apparently there be discourse again and I’m tired.

People should be allowed to have DNIs and should be allowed to have DNIs and should not be shamed for curating their experience so that they feel comfortable/safe.

And you should respect their boundaries.

It’s not elitism, and even if it was, who fucking cares. No one owes anyone anything. Folks are allowed allowed to be selective.

They’re not telling you who you can and can’t interact with; they’re telling you who they’d prefer not to interact with, and that they’d rather not interact with anyone who associates.

Can be low key awkward when you find out why someone is on someone’s DNI, and you have to make a choice - or if followed them/interacted in the past, but don’t anymore - and you don’t know how to communicate that… but uh.

Don’t be a dick, and just. Respect each other and don’t disregard these things that people put in place for a reason - their safety/comfort/peace of mind.

They’re not douchey. You’re douchey, if you do.

Literally every DNI list I’ve ever seen - no one airs their dirty laundry publicly. If you’re curious they’ll tell you privately their reasons for including someone.

Meanwhile, callouts…

Callouts that warn people about the behavior of others is one thing, if someone is being actively harmful… but if someone is just minding their business?

And you decide to drag their name through the mud with horrible assumptions and allegations, for no discernible reason?

Get the fuck outta here with that.

If you don’t like what somebody writes - be it an interpretation of a character/a ship/etc… you don’t have have to interact.

There’s no need to launch a smear campaign against them?

Again, if someone is writing really gross stuff like with children or animals, or being abusive towards others ooc… that’s obviously it’s own thing. You should absolutely tip people off to that.

But when someone portrays a character as being of age and you come in with your extremely bad faith assumptions and make claims as to their intent for doing so. Or you spread lies and misinformation.

Like. Why? What do you hope to achieve? Did OP hurt your feelings somehow? Does it work you up so to see a character interpreted in a way you don’t agree with?

I just. Brains. Use them, if you have them.

I love my circle of affiliated mutuals, and the people who I haven’t really interacted with but we’ve lurked upon each other for some time. And I want to be more social here, reach out to people, do more things. But all the never ending bullshit is discouraging. I think I’m kinda good in my corner where we’re all just happily vibing?

We all know each other’s intentions, and are able to communicate with each other like adults. Idk.

This is supposed to be a hobby. It’s supposed to be fun. An escape.

[synonymouswithanonymous]

Alex a commentary as response

Well first of all he has liked comments before, my favorite example of that is when he liked a comment that said "insufferable fans" in reference to people calling his GF toxic etc. There's more examples too. But those comments about him not taking his personal time to scroll and react to comments, sounds like another example of emotional blackmail to me. More examples of that below.

As always this will be long, skip if uninterested! 😊😊

Wait, so now they want him to validate their fanship by liking or interacting on comments more? He's not doing enough for fans? Nothing he does is good enough? His non working free time should be Spent how he sees fit. Lots of celebs don't even have socials, therefore never interact with fans unless it's at an official function. Criticizing him for not doing enough for fans? What else do they want from him? This is unreasonable.

Does he somehow owe anyone anything? Does he owe anyone his free time? NO.

He already sold a performance, which is his job, he doesn't owe fans anything else.

Just bc you/they/us chose to be a fan, and chose/choose to spend our time that way, with no payment, is only 100% on you/us.

Celebrate people, be a fan yes! But to expect something in return for something he never asked for is ridiculous. The same way hating JM bc she's your celeb crushes GF is ridiculous.

God forbid he only interact with fan pages that have been around for ages.

God forbid he only interact with accounts he Actually knows in real life just like everybody else, friends, family, GF, industry people he would want to know. And trust.

God forbid he ignore all the thirsty and quite frankly embarrassing comments from people who treat him as meat. I wonder how many he had to scroll through to find one about his acting (instead of GF abuse/you can walk?/you're not gay? Etc) and not a thirsty or abusive comment. He got threats over his characters actions on vikings, some people are deranged or unable to differentiate between a character and an actor.

God forbid he starts liking multiple comments and then it turns into "why's he ignoring my comments and liking theirs" bullshit. He can't win THE same way JM can't win. He owes fans nada, nothing, zero, zilch. His job is an actor, and he chooses to share some of his life for promo purposes/normal living your life. He does not have to do that, sure it's easier to maintain interest in his celebrity, but he has said before he tries to find a balance that works for him. But why are people asking for more? His free time is his own and God forbid he spend his time on his life and his interests instead of replying to fan comments which would be work imo. There's a reason they charge for con tickets, his time is money. Maybe he'd rather build industry contacts, which would get him in a movie faster than 2million fans (that's a small number, he's an underdog, he is NOT mega famous). Edited to add to this, Courtney C that I linked to in another ask has 1.9 million fans (over 2 mil before murder charges) and she's not exactly mega famous either.

But this is the same crowd reveling in his loss of followers like it's not just bots getting deleted. They think it's due to lack of fan interaction and him getting a GF. Nope. That's most likely not true. Meta has deleted over 39 billion fake/bot accounts in the last two years. I posted an article on it months ago.  There's only about 8 billion people on the planet too so they've been deleting quite a bit. And celebs are targets of bots bc they're famous. I highly doubt anyone with a real acct unfollowed except for maybe a couple hundred immature jealous girls. But that's not a whole lot. Maybe his real follower number is only really a million or less? Maybe it's just the number of likes he gets and that's his real fan number? And he doesn't seem worried about the numbers, he said he's comfortable with his level of fame. Instagram even let's users delete their own bots. Spamguards, instaplus pro, follower manager, there are youtube tutorials to remove inactive users or bots.

Also maybe if people stopped prying so much? So many scammers around too. Didn't he get his Facebook hacked? I don't have a FB so I missed that lol. Maybe if some people didn't overstep and pretend they were married/dating for 4 years/emotional blackmail with talks of self harm if he didn't talk to them, just to emotionally blackmail/torture him. Maybe he'd share more or interact more. Maybe if people weren't vile to his GF? Maybe he has to DO LESS BC SOME people take an inch and try to build 20 miles of lifetime bad movie writing fantasies of railroad for him. They actually fabricated Accounts on IG and "proofs" for a period of 4 years! And that wasn't just a one off loon, there's been more than one (EN)! 😦😦 There's literally at least 2 pages online when you google aha wife/partner that's just a gross lie (a lisa and someone else?) Complete with icky misinformation fantasy. I mean really? REALLY???? They wonder why an article about him, said he was scared of his "rabid fans" and then they wonder why he posts less? How long til they turn this into another round of his GF is to blame bc her "eyebrows show she's evil." 😂😂😂😂 again, the few ruin it for so many.

[nathank77]

6/1/24

6:24 a.m

I'm about ready to end my life. Why? I'm so fucking alone it's ridiculous. My hierarchy of needs is not fullfilled.

Remember how I said my room is too small and I have to take all my stuff I don't use as much and shove it in the attic? Then my sister throws furniture all over my stuff breaking it and I can't even access my stuff.... I can't get near my skinny clothes box cause there is stuff all over my stuff...so I'm just waiting for her to stop disrespecting me I asked her to move it. Hopefully soon cause I don't need a lot of clothes if I could get to the ones I already own!!

I live in constant conflict and toxicity between my family and then my stupid brain that won't quit hallucinating.

I can't find a gf let's be real, online dating is all women from different countries and everyone who is cute, can get anyone they want and they don't see me cause they get their first choice.

I mean I was thinking I'm so thin and attractive atm and i have no where to wear my clothes. Nothing to do. No community involvement. No nothing.

I looked at community service opportunities. It's a job. A job you don't get paid for and where you won't meet anyone. What's the point? Serve popcorn at a stand? Oh work for free? Show up the same time/ same days yet get nothing for it and bc it's a job not meet anyone...

Then I looked at meet up hardcore anything that isn't online is basically pay to do it or in the morning thanks circadian rhythm from preventing me from doing free hiking groups....

I mean how am I supposed to be involved and meet people if online dating is this fucked and like I want social obligations but I don't want a job, why? Cause if I could work I'd work to get paid for it cause I need money..... not work for free.

Okay so then I thought about it I need people to hang out with. Yet I need the ability to cancel and for it to not be a constant obligation bc its a stressor at that rate. That means friends until I find someone. I can't work I'm too fucked up...

So I thought about my friends. Charlie is cool but she talks nonstop. She would go out with me to savers but its truly "girl talk." I used to get along with girls better but now idk if that's true. Maybe it depends on the girl?

Katelyn isn't around cause yea. We chat occasionally.

Tee is always busy.

John is a gamer-tbh he would be perfect if we went out to savers and the mall and the park and shit. He talks Enough about himself to fill the silence but there is room for me to speak too. I just never met him in person and I want someone to go shopping with and leave the house with. I don't just want online interaction.

So I'm thinking maybe men are more my style. They aren't all emotional and shit. We talk about cool stuff but also can get emotional. Like it's a real friendship but the emotions arent the core of the friendship if that make sense.

I made friends with my mother's coworker who is around my age. Her name is Marcy. She was cool. She has ocd. But talk about "girl talk." She came to my birthday party stayed until like 4 a.m. man can she talk. I couldn't even respond. My god. It was all emotional and about trauma and shit and it's like I'm sorry but I'm fucked up... I don't have time for that. I have enough of my own trauma. I want to play games and talk about movies and shit. We can share stories but it can't be the core of the friendship.... I mean I was going insane listening to her. I only have time for your shit like that if you're going to date me. Sorry not sorry. I have enough of my own shit to deal with than to listen to you prattle on about your life and trauma.

Charlie isn't really like that. She's more like my gf and I. And it's annoying cause I'm so single I may as well be a newborn baby. Or something. I can't find ANYONE. Although she does talk about trauma and stuff... it just isn't overkill like marcy. I legit wanted to jump off a bridge or tape her mouth shut. I haven't talked to her since. I made sure she got home. That was it. I never reached out again. I don't have time to be your therapist. And that feels like girl talk to me. If I hung out with her again I'd duct tape her mouth so I could respond.

Steve doesn't have a car and has a thing for me.. so I got to do all the traveling and I'm not interested..

Basically I can go shopping with Charlie and barely get to talk and listen to girl talk or I can play games online with John. Idk I just dont think he would go to savers with me. At least without his wife. I could try but yea...

I have no normal friends. Other than john.. and I will attempt.. but he is far more interested in gaming he does want to meet me in person but I mean I just don't see us getting together and going to the mall on a Saturday or something.

So what I need is friends who can fill silence and can listen. People who will go places with me. I Mean I asked my sister about savers... we will see...

I looked up pride events and things everything is so far away and I could go alone and maybe someone would talk to me but it would just be some gay guys.... that's the issue...

I am trying really hard to put myself out there and figure out what I can do to have a community. Feel seen. Find someone. Another thing is if I were to go to pride let's say with my sister people don't approach people with people. Basically I have to go alone.

Idk what to do.

My hallucination is driving me crazy. I want to end it all. I am beyond recovery. I am not going to find someone.

Maybe I can go to savers with skye or Charlie. Maybe I could with marcy but I really wanted to duct tape her lips shut. I wanted to bang my head against the wall. I wanted to have a plane hit me so I didn't have to listen anymore.

I don't see myself relating with girls unless they are a gamer or something. It has to be romantic. I don't want to hear about your stupid partner. And I don't have time to hear your trauma. You think you're traumatized?? Try listening to a voice 24/7. Having ptsd, panic attacks, insomnia. Microsleeping. Ocd. And having toxicity be the definition of your life and all that surrounds you. Your trauma is BABY SHIT in comparison to mine and I don't want to talk about trauma with you!

I need normal people who talk about movies........... normal shit.... like men... I'm not getting emotionally invested in your life and being your therapist unless you're a girl I'm going to date... sorry not sorry. You don't know trauma until you microslept for a month. You don't know trauma unless you have heard a voice for almost a year every day every second with no relief.

I talk about my trauma to my therapist. Not my friends, not anymore. I talk briefly about what's going on with me to them. I overshare a bit BUT I also talk about games and movies and characters.

So yea I feel hopeless. I need normal friends. And a way to meet people that isn't a constant social obligation.

How do I do that? Who would take me like this?

I want to dress nice and go places and have something to do. I want to be appreciated. I want to be needed but I don't need one sided girl talk friendships.

I may need to befriend emotionally competent men like john...

I also want opportunities to meet a girl... I need romance... I mean... idk...

I need a new family. I need a new life. I need my brain to get better. I needs more money... I need stability. I need all the things most people have and take for granted..I need my hierarchy of needs fullfilleld.

I need my brain to recover but it can't in this environment. It truly can't. I need to be social with non toxic or overbearing people... I can't recover here. I can only survive...

I need stuff that doesn't exist for someone like me.

And for Elise I'm fucking sorry I didn't talk to you normally when we talked... if I could do it over it would be different. If you ever give me the opportunity you'll see it will be entirely different in all the right ways. If you're here. I have no idea. All I know is we shared something. But is it gone?

[imnotreal-png]

>:) -- Entry 1

OK i just smoked a joint after i wrote the date and now im kinda chillin but imma still yap on dis hoe.

I am a loser. Like a huge loser, okay? Like im not dumb or wtv, i may have reached a weird and insane level of self awareness, but im just as much of a loser as anyone else.

I keep catching myself trying to people please and overstepping my boundaries and justifying it with "oh everyone else does it, so what, its normal" like ok dumb bitch that doesn't make it okay, get a grip.

But i will be yapping away abt alot of stupid bullshit i deal with and stupid things make me sad. I am very well aware that I am irrational, but these are things i feel in those moments that i always hold in because i don't want people 2 see that weak side of me. It's embarrassing and it's not me.

In truth, i have nooo idea what i'm doing. I have 0 clue on where i'll be in the future. I didn't think i'd make it this far and not on some suicidal shit (idk if u can say that word here, oops.), i just genuinely thought that i'd somehow perish?? Like i wasn't really real in some weird way. I just didn't exist. Even though i was always the center of drama or the cause of all things chaotic, i was always misunderstood. god that's so fucking cringe but hear me out.

I always said shit that i believed was clear enough to be understood and yet it wasn't. Even my tone apparently has been rude this entire time. But no one would actually tell me how i come off, they just ate it up in silence and then spaz on me. Even now i don't really understand because i truly believe i am very clear on what im saying. Yet it's still...not seen the way im trying to show it? Idk if im making any sense bruh but whatever. Maybe im narcissistic but no one understands my brain the way i attempt to express it...or i guess how i see it. Idk i guess im just frustrated that no one understands me or gets my brain.

Also it's super cringe when people tell me im mature for my age. Literally eat my shit. actual ick. get away from me.

I hate my mom. She hates me too but she hates me bc I'm not the pussy she wishes she was when she was my age. She's the most childish person i know. I genuinely do not care what she thinks of me whatsoever. She's just power hungry and immature. Actually, I don't even hate her, i just hate that she gets to have all this power over me. I just want my freedom, thats it. She can hate my lifestyle or whatever the fuck, as long as im not living with her. At the end of the day, im truly content with who i am as a person and my moral compass etc, she cant affect that. I just need to have my own space and leave her household to finally be free and actually experience life in a comfortable and more peaceful way. I guess that's all i can say rn. I just wish she would respect my boundaries and stop treating me like im her competition and she'll always be superior. She won't and i cannot wait for the day she finally see's that lol.

!! super irrational moment alert !!

LMAO this is super cringe but like when i started music i put "listen 2 my moozik" in my bio bc we say muzik in albanian but americans wud have 2 read it as moozik to get it right + its funny? Ever since i started rlly getting exposure and performing out there, all these NON SLAVS/BALKANS have started putting it in their bio's 🙄 like be fr, its sooo obvious (at least to me). And now some of these mfs i've interacted w startes stealing my lingo and the way i type [this isn't how i type when i txt friends. its worse and i shorten everything in a miserable way cuz its funny] and it's cute at first but now mfs on social media posting the way i do and talking the way i do. [insert side eye bc yeah] and it's kinda cringe cuz they're actually rlly shallow and mainstream people, they just look like they trying 2 hard to be quirky. lol.

im probably tweakin tho idk.

i wish i grew up with art. i wish my parents had that and were able to introduce it to me. I feel like a fraud when i try to be creative and do things. Even with making music. As much as i enjoy it and love it and it really does make me happy, it feels fake. I can't play any instruments, i can't sing, im far from a good writer, fuck if know anything abt music theory...i literally just click buttons and make sounds on my computer lol. I didn't grow up indulging in art and creativity, i was actually always super bad at it. I wish i had a deeper connection with it. I wish i understood it better. I wish i expressed it better. I wish my ideas were my own. I want to be able to create something that is truly mine without feeling like im a fake.

UHHHH so imma just come on here and vent whenever i feel like i have something i need 2 say. This is intended for the void, if u come across it...cringe.