#bc this was ALSO sitting in my drafts for like two weeks

[princepsumbra]

Dereliction of Duty

continued from here; @indevouement

Leo accepts the teacup, pulling it closer with one hand, noting the impressive polish that makes the golden rim gleam. How Jakob produced tea service on short notice, Leo will never know--though he suspects the butler keeps an emergency tray fully prepped at all times. Such devotion to his craft is certainly a magic all its own.

He listens quietly. A bird flies past his office window, casting a brief shadow across the room. "Kidnapping?" Leo prompts when Jakob pauses. Silence stretches on. In the span of seconds, Jakob's entire demeanor shifts into one of barely concealed panic. He does an admirable job covering it; if not for the desperate way he asks for tea, Leo would think he was avoiding an unpleasant memory.

Green eyes narrow. "Almyran pine needles, please," he replies. "And to answer your question, I am curious because of the staggering use of magic. A spell like that would require massive amounts of energy, not to mention exact incantations. Sustaining anything of that magnitude for an extended period of time would wear out even the most talented of mages."

Expression clears of suspicion as he speaks. An overreaction, surely. "Yes, others can provide me with clarity, and I intend to ask at some point. I thought it best to inquire with those I already have an established rapport. Corrin has told me little herself." Underhanded, some might say, of him preying on Jakob's devotion. But Leo isn't lying--he has not been made privy to the full extend of the nightmares that befell his beloved.

One more push. "Consider this part of my research on the subject. If what everyone is saying is true, none of your perceived experiences were real, and therefore, none of your actions had any lasting consequences in the real world." What an incredibly jarring effect that must have regardless.

[sinshckled]

★ |  * ⋆      -   -  - –  INBOX !  *  ﹡                  ﹡     ✧ * ☇  ( @nocentis ! )

Suddenly, the walls feel like they’re [ closing ] on him – and Jellal is suddenly much, much too aware of the GRIDS OF METAL that surround him - them. He feels trapped. Not by any binding, nor by any cuffs - but by an all too familiar gaze of hazel. .

Ever since his identity had been ( accidentally ) revealed, the children’s behavior toward him changed drastically - and UNDERSTANDABLY. His disguise was one of their jailers’, but his face is the one of a friend ; ( regardless of how the years had changed it. ) And while his heart fills with fondness at the way Millianna and Sho run to hug his leg & at the awe in Erza’s eyes, it is not enough to dissipate his apprehension. Looking at his younger self has been harder ever since. Jellal knows the child has questions – can SEE IT in his body language, FEEL IT in the weight of his stare, and HEAR IT in his voice. && To these inquiries, he has no wish to answer.

But the ghosts of the past have never failed to catch up to him.               WHY WOULD THIS TIME BE ANY DIFFERENT ?

.

He gets cornered at the end of his “mission”, once the dust has settled back down. When the threat is no more, and they can all breathe a little easier. While checking up on the wounded - taking advantage of the first aid supplies he always carries and knows are scarce within these walls - 

He feels a shy tug at his cloak, and turns around to cobalt strands, a familiar marking, and a [ request to talk ].

Right there and then, he knows he cannot run from this anymore.

Alas, even though the Heavenly Body mage had started preparing, as much as he could have, for this discussion to occur  - this was him, this had been him, he should know better than anyone what he could ask . . . and yet, 

                              he still finds himself at a LOSS FOR WORDS.

                " … "

     What is he supposed to say ?

     He swallows thickly. His tongue feels HEAVY in his mouth, burdened with the knowledge of the last decades. He knows that child is DOOMED ; from the peek he had gotten in the office, it was only a matter of weeks… days even, perhaps. 

     These eyes – HEAVENS, he was so small; pale skin upon frail bones, muscles built from years of labor and stolen childhood. He looks so fragile, but his eyes, despite it all, burn alight with a ferocious SPARK ; one that has not shone in his own gaze for a very, very long time.

     His fingers crackle with starlight. He tastes an anger the likes of which is foreign to him – old, bygone. He feels an urge to defy the flow of time - to let the stars bring JUDGMENT upon this wretched island, sending this ATROCITY of a R-system crumbling to the ground, and take him - take them, all these poor innocent children, so so very far away from here. & yet he cannot ; 

       Why here ? Why now ? Why him ?             What is he doing here ?

     Memories of this time are nothing more than movie sequences in his head now, decades later ; so far away, so distant. This part of him has been laid to rest alongside the WICKEDNESS of his teenage years, and both only ever come back to haunt him as a form of torture. As a result, this child was no more than an ACQUAINTANCE, a figure erased by time, wrath, grief and BLOOD.

     But being there, quite literally face to face with his past - it all comes back to him. Flashes triggered by the long-gone architecture of these walls, by the stench of rot sitting heavily across the perimeter, by the crackles of electricity, the whirring of heavy machinery & the haunting sound of children sobbing a few cells further - quietly, by fear of being whipped into silence –      He now remembers being that boy. Forcing a smile every single day of his life, for the sake of the young who looked up to him. He would tell stories upon stories, wiping tears while holding his own grief tight on a leash. ( because those stories had been his brother’s, and his mother’s, and the village elder’s, && they had starred his cousin, his neighbor, the shop clerk and the fishermen – and all these people were DEAD, by now BONES buried underneath stone and charred wood and ash. )

       ... What was HE doing here ?

     He thinks he’s struck by all five stages of grief simultaneously.The thoughts crossing his head are a blur. He feels dizzy, knees one gust of wind away from buckling.

Blaming yourself for your own weaknesses is easier when you don’t have the 11 years old version of yourself standing before you.

Looking into your eyes with – one last sliver of hope.

––– How could he ever put the blame of his anger upon him?

HE WAS A CHILD. He was a child.

            ( It hits him all at once. )

.

He knows the intricacies of time travel. He knows he doesn’t remember going through this. He knows his younger self will not walk away with an answer, nor with a solution. This is Fiorean history – and it is set in stone.

That doesn’t mean he wants to LIE to him.

( Not when he’s been standing wordlessly for this long. Not when he has let silence stretch so far. Not when the tiny, fragile version of himself is catching on to what it means. Perhaps, if he’d been quicker, it could have been an option. ) 

.

     And so Jellal does the only thing that, amongst all the possibilities offered to him, feels undoubtedly, irrevocably right. 

     He closes the distance between them with a few steps and crouches down to meet himself at eye-level. Looks – really looks at him, commits every detail to memory. From the slope of his nose to the tangled, soiled strands of blue decorating from his head ; from to the fainter scars he still sports to the swirls of angry red framing his eyes, pools of sage & amber in his irises. And then he reaches out, wraps his arms around the scrawny frame and gathers him slowly, carefully, in a hug. 

     He hides him in the crook of his shoulder; gives him a shelter, an adult, where the hastily-built foundations of his mask of strength can crack, if he so wishes. 

He lets him be a child once again.

     ――――― Just for a moment.

.

━━━ ━━ ━ ╸╺ . * ✰

“ is all this countless suffering for my own good? ”

.

Later on, shortly after finding his way back in the present, Jellal will ponder this further. The Heavenly Body mage will stand on a beach, amongst speckles of sand, and watch the sun gradually DISAPPEAR beyond the vast sea that once held him [ hostage ] ― painting the sky in shades akin to the burning fire that took everything away from him. 

He will think of his younger self - so far away in time, yet now so close in memory. 

He will close his eyes, push open the door to his history, rush past the whispers and shadows crawling its walls, and find that child still within him. He will dig him out from the grave he was buried within, and he will give him his SIGHT - his HEARING - his TASTE - his EVERYTHING.

He will let himself feel breeze upon his skin, breathe in the smell of sea salt, taste the freedom of a boundless life.

     And when his eyes open again, he will gaze upon that landscape, && he will find it beautiful.

.

✔ ― ACCEPTING

[fakeoutbf]

i was here 6 months ago about ninth house. have u had a chance to love her yet 🧍🏽‍♀️

wdym it’s been 6 months 😵‍💫

so i may have gotten to chapter 22 and while i do wanna keep reading it i haven’t gotten around to it since like … 2 months ago?? idk why i suck at finishing this book

[rhysles]

HAND-ROLLED CIGARETTES  / a rhys dunsmore playlist

satan, settle down! keep your trousers on. you can warm the globe, but leave my wretched soul alone. i don't know you, and i don't owe you a thing, but the children lose their minds in such uncertain times.              a children’s crusade on acid // margot and the nuclear so & sos.

do you really like being alone? // manchester orchestra □  lost in my mind // the head and the heart □  baby shoes // bad books □  little lion man // mumford & sons □  i am a cage // right away, great captain □  bad moon rising // creedence clearwater revival □ pride // manchester orchestra □  nights in white satin // the moody blues  □ nightcall // london grammar  □  when i met death // right away, great captain □  house of the rising sun // the animals □ when the man comes around // johnny cash  □  rusted wheel // silversun pickups  □ mesa, az // bad books  □  a children’s crusade on acid // margot and the nuclear so & sos □  man of constant sorrow // home free □  in hell, i’ll be in good company // the dead south □  oh no, i tried // right away, great captain  □ human // rag n’ bone man

[gregmarriage]

chronic pain can go die in a hole x

[vaguenotions]

Oh, yes, I just love your unannounced sleepover where you both come back from the bar after carefully avoiding telling me that's where you were going, and also neglecting to tell me when you'd be home! I definitely do not want to knock you on your ass and take a bat to your dome! That would be rude and unnecessary :)

Oh yes, please do start talking about shit amongst yourselves and make me feel isolated and othered in ny own room! These moments are what I live for, of course. Naturally. Who would ever have any issues with this arrangement at all?

[jeonginsleftcheek]

Dating Bang Chan

pairing: bang chan x afab!reader

genre: fluff, suggestive

warning/s: mdni, mentions of insecurities

a/n: i had a stressful week and this was just sitting in my drafts. this is just a collection of random thoughts i had bcs i'm soft for chan♡ 

(i'll probably do this for every member eventually)

Chan is such a sweetheart. Expect to be hugged and pulled into his lap all the freaking time. He needs to have his hands on you somehow no matter where you are or what you're doing. Chan will give you a back hug and then pull you into him, burying his face in your hair. He loves skinship like that especially with people who bring him comfort like you do.

Chan is the type of boyfriend who will always ask if you're hungry, thirsty or cold and if you need anything at all he will stop what he was doing and get it for you. He always wants you to feel comfortable.

He is also very playful and will tease you all the time. I also feel like he is that type of boyfriend that will swoop you up and put you over his shoulders all the damn time especially while you're doing something just to get a rise out of you. He will laugh cutely as you trash around and yell at him to 'put you down or else' but you both know you're laughing too.

You become so close to his mother and sister, and you and Hannah team up to tease him together. Berry also adores you and always runs to you whenever you visit. Chan will playfully pout and sulk, saying that 'his family replaced him' but he is actually so thrilled that you get along.

He daydreams a lot about your future together, imagines you two getting married and starting a family and it makes him all giddy and giggly. Some things he's too shy to say to you directly so he puts them in songs that he writes for you.

Chan will watch every movie and listen to every song you recommend him. He wants to know what you like and why you like it so send him cute songs and tell him that they made you think of him.

Late night adventures. Driving around aimlessly as you listen to music, getting something to eat from a convenience store or a gas station. He pulls up somewhere secluded where you have the perfect view of the city. You eat, talk and look at the stars together. Kisses are shared, hands are roaming and pretty soon you end up in the backseat of the car.

Chan will take you out to dinner, bring you flowers, take you out to the arcade, to an ice cream date, to the beach, everywhere and anywhere, he just wants you to have fun together. But he will also enjoy a quiet night at home, while he works on his laptop and you're cuddled up to him reading a book.

He always puts you first, your needs above his so you have to scold him when he tells you he forgot to eat dinner. You bring him food to the studio and he's happy to see you but sad that he made you upset. You tell him you'll forgive him if he eats everything you brought him and he happily will.

Arguments with Chan would probably mostly happen when he's sleep deprived because he gets snappy then. His voice raises a little (not on purpose) but as soon as he sees tears forming in your eyes he will start apologizing. You tell him you need a few moments and obviously he does too, so he leaves to another room to cool off a little. When he comes back out, you two sit down and talk it out. You never want to go to bed angry or without resolving a fight.

No matter if you live together or you're sleeping over at each other's places you can forget about personal space. When you go to bed at night, Chan will cling onto you, he will pull you into him and hold you tight. Good luck on trying to move until the morning. Showers together because why wouldn't you wanna save water?

Absolute gentleman. Will open doors for you, move your chair, help you put your jacket on, you'll never have to carry anything heavy. He knows you can do it but he just wants to treat you like the queen you are and you better indulge him or he will sulk.

Sometimes, Chan feels insecure and nothing can make him feel better than your arms around him, his head on your chest as you gently tell him about everything you love and admire about him. He's used to always being alert and taking care of others so he'd love for you to take care of him sometimes like that, baby him a little, it lights his heart up.

Little moments when he's concentrated on something or lost in his own little world always make you gush at him and your camera is full of his cute moments, when he realizes you're filming him, he gets shy and you capture his sweet smile and cute giggles.

This man will also never give you room to doubt yourself. He will remind you every single day how much he loves you and respects you. How beautiful you are to him, every single part of you, every scar, stretchmark, anything you're insecure about he'll give extra kisses and caresses to that part of you just so you start loving yourself more.

Back hugs. Back hugs. BACK HUGS. FOREHEAD KISSES. HAND HOLDING. THIGH SQUEEZING.

Make him sleep please! He needs to rest and often pulls all-nighters but if you offer him cuddles he can't say no, he has to join you in bed.

You wear matching bracelets!🥺 And they're ones that you make by yourselves with cute colorful beads and maybe your initials and it's just so adorable!

Random cuteness agression moments where Chan can't contain all the love he has for you so he attacks you with kisses all over your face. You squeal and you both end up giggling and play-fighting. Will also tickle you every chance he gets. You're never safe from Chan the tickle monster. (He just loves touching you and loves seeing you laugh, deal with it.)

Okay but your mom will love him so much. He's the type of boyfriend that will treat your mom like his own. Anything she needs help with, he will help no questions asked. She's already calling him her son-in-law.

You need help fixing something around the house? Chan is your man. Just imagine those arms of his as he's working on something, wearing just a tanktop. (😩)

You can talk to him about anything really, he loves to listen to you ramble about your friends or work, sometimes he starts teasing you in the middle of your rambling, repeating what you're saying or reacting dramatically. You smack his thigh or arm and whine that he's not taking it seriously. He just laughs at you and promises to listen seriously with a goofy face.

But when it comes to actual serious issues, you can really rely on Chan. He will hold your hand and caress you as you tell him your worries. He'll listen without interrupting, letting you vent to him. When you're done he will do everything he can to comfort you, motivate you, make you feel better, help you get through whatever you're struggling with.

Talks about you all the time, he's so proud to be yours and he's just infatuated with you. Giggles to himself when he thinks about you. He just adores you so much.

[bigassmoonchild]

i like to think ghost have a partner that expresses love by biting { totally not me i wouldnt even think of chomping} but hes so used to it that he doesnt have a reaction when his wife is in nibble mode

but

everyone else loses their complete shit thinkin that a random person just bit ghost { i also love the idea that ghost doesnt tell soap shit jus to fuck with him }

i absolutely adore this bc i definitely do this 💀 (i've had this in my drafts for a few days now, but just finally figured out how i wanted it to go)

🫶🫶

simon would sit in the mess hall, not just to show face but also to be with the rest of his squad. price had to push him to join, but now he came of his own choice. it was something he did, not too often, but often enough.

on this particular day, you had gotten back from a mission all but a few hours ago. simon had been gone for a few weeks prior to you leaving, so you hadn't seen him in nearly a month and a half.

you walked into the mess hall, simon could see you from where he was sitting. you grabbed your tray of food and looked around to find where you were going to sit. he saw you move towards your squad before spotting him, sitting in front of soap and gaz.

so you made your way over, shuffling between people who were standing around and having to take a few different routes to get to them. dropping your tray down, you sat next to simon.

soap went to snag some food off of your tray and you smacked his hand, giving him a face as you did so. the three of you were talking, about what simon wasn't entirely sure of. he was trying to look at you while not completely giving himself away.

god, he loved you. more than you'd possibly ever know. catching his eye, you gave him a slightly confused face and you could see his eyes slightly squint with a little smile.

smiling back, you dove back into your conversation with soap and gaz. '...didn't realize that was something he did,' you said as simon came back into the conversation.

soap gave a little laugh, rolling his eyes. 'oh, gaz is a real charmer. spilled his pint o' beer on a lady once in a bar. you remember that, right ghost?' and simon nodded, giving a little grunt as he did so.

he still watched you, the light shining in your eye and the color slowly returning to your face as everything began to go back to your normal. he knew how much you missed this during missions, and even with the bags under your eyes he still thought you were as beautiful as ever.

the conversation waned, soap and gaz beginning to argue a little. your knee pressed against his, allowing your legs to touch. the only bit of pda he would allow with other soldiers around. with his mask on.

even though gaz and price knew, he kept it a secret from the loud mouthed scot. he knew, as much as he (unwillingly) cared for soap, word would spread fast if he knew it.

and the two of you spoke often about possibly bringing him in on the secret. possibly even just coming out as a couple at the nearest milball.

as much as the conversations happened, that was two milballs ago. three years you had been together, and just six months ago he had popped you the question. he knew exactly where that ring lay, on a long chain sitting just on your sternum.

some nights, he would kiss it. long and hard as he prayed to whatever being would listen that the two of you returned safe from the mission you were next on. other times, he tugged on it to pull you in for kisses.

there would even be a few nights that he would just play with it, feeling the heat of the metal from where it would rest against your skin. he loved that you kept it so close to your heart, and kenw that once the two of you married you wedding band would sit just there.

his own would sit against his heart, as soon as he got it.

a sharp pain from his bicep pulled him from his thoughts, looking down at where you bit him. clenching your teeth a little harder, you finally released him.

'what the hell was that,' soap sputtered out. looking between you, then simon and gaz. gaz gave him a little shrug, looking away as you leaned for another bite.

simon pushed your head away from his arm. 'don't bite me, you little mosquito,' he huffed at you. you gave him a cheeky little smile, winking at him before digging back into your food.

soap gestured wildly. 'no, i want to know what's going on. what the hell. why the hell?'and you gave soap a little laugh.

pulling the chain from under your shirt, you dangled the ring and chain in front of him. 'technically, we are still planning the wedding,' and you grunted as soap kicked you.

'and why wasn't i told?' he hissed at the two of you. you gave a faint shrug, playing with some of the food on your plate. you faught like hell to tell soap, but respected simons decision.

'you've got a loud mouth,'

'i do not!' soap nearly shouted. 'i absolutely do not,' he then whispered. you laughed and tapped your knee against simons.

[comingyourlugubriousness]

"Oh geez I'm so clumsy; how embarrassing! Huh, oh! You'll help me up? T-thank you!"

A BELLE OF DA BALL Yume for @starry-night-rose's Glimmering Soirée! I saw a lot of people doing this event and have been wanting to draw for it for awhile. Unfortunately, I've been sick the past week.

I went for a more femme design since my last two designs for Yume were more masculine; plus I just think dresses are more fun to draw. Heavily inspired by Cinderella's dress with my own takes.

During the event Yume isn't trying to be the belle of the ball themselves (that would be mortifying), they are actually heavily advocating for their brother Yuuta! (@bunnwich)

They are assisting the Prince's with their duties (mostly Deuce while avoiding Azul) while keeping and eye on Grim to make sure he's acting right! They're also taking pictures of everyone in their fancy clothes; partially bc Crowley told them too and partially for their own scrapbook.

VOICE LINES UNDER THE CUT:

Summon: You my friend, will be da belle of da ball!

Groovy: Everyone here tonight… don’t they kind of look like stars in the night sky…Hey! Don’t laugh! Haha! Was that too cheesy? 

Set Home: We’re all bedazzled up!

Home Idle: Azul tried to get me to sign some contract in order to” secure my brother's win”. Pff! Nice try, four eyes; do you think I’ve learned nothing?

Idle 2: When I walked up to Deuce and he gave me a big fancy greeting! He was so proud of himself; I didn’t have the heart to tell him he curtseyed at me…He’s not really cut out for princely stuff…

Idle 3: *whining* Kalim! Please don’t keep making me dance in these shoes! My feet are killing me *fake sob* who makes glass shoes anyway…

Idle Groovy:  Malleus came up to ask what was wrong with his Tamagotchi and everyone in the room gave us a wide berth. Is it that serious? He’s just some guy?

Home Login: Oh man…I don’t wanna think about how long it’s gonna take to clean all this glitter up. 

Tap: The Royal Sword Academy students keep coming up to greet me oh so politely. Something about it kinda gets on my nerves…

Tap 2: Hey, didja see Grim’s vest? I made it myself. It took me hours to bedazzle the whole thing!

Tap 3: Ugh…I feel like everyone's looking at me…maybe this outfit was a bad idea…

Tap 4: Hey, if you see Vil; don’t tell him I’m not voting for him. It’s nothing personal…! 

Tap 5: *sigh* I need a break. Hey, do you wanna go sit on the balcony with me? I’d prefer the company of the stars right now.

Tap Groovy: Oh! Wait right there! Let me get a picture of you in your outfit! You look amazing! Ready? Cheese!

Here is some sketchy draft for the dress too:

[junekissed]

happy ending

member — husband!junhui x f reader genre — angst, fluff, hurt/comfort word count — 6.6k synopsis — a pointless argument escalates until both of you need some space, but it couldn't come at a worse time. warnings — female reader, planned pregnancy, there's a big argument but i tried to not make it too toxic (jun and reader have a happy & healthy relationship i promise), swearing, there is a happy ending lots of fluff !! notes — requested by anon — this has been sitting in my drafts for months bc every time i look at it i get shy and wanna change my mind but i'm proud of how this turned out so i'm posting it finally! i know pregnancy fics aren't everyone's favorite but this was honestly very comforting to write so i hope anyone who chooses to read can find comfort in it as well <3 also the last time i proofread this was like april and if i try to proofread it rn i'll get shy again and chicken out so if there's any mistakes pls ignore! i hope you enjoy :)

you sat on the bathroom floor, trying to comprehend the weight of the news you held in your hand. you couldn’t believe it. you could? you couldn’t. 

after many months of trying to start a family with your husband, you had finally succeeded. the slim plastic stick with two tiny pink lines was the last piece of evidence you needed. it had been months of carefully tracked cycles, fertility doctors, and new positions that seemed too weird to actually do anything. but now, everything was finally falling into place.

you don’t know exactly how much time you spend sitting on the floor and staring at the pregnancy test; thinking, planning, and thinking some more. but when you finally stand up and place the positive test on the counter with shaking hands, it still hasn’t fully sunk in yet what’s happening. something you’d wanted for so long, and finally it was all right in front of you.

what do you do now? no— you know exactly what you need to do, and it’s a long list of things. the real question is, where do you begin?

you thought back to all the videos you’d watched over the last few weeks. somehow every social media algorithm knew exactly what you wanted to see, and it had given it to you in abundance; baby showers, gender reveals, those “get ready with me - new mom edition” videos. all getting your hopes up before you could confirm whether or not it had finally happened.

with your hopes high and expectations even higher, you were already beginning to plan how you would break the news to junhui. as your husband and your soon-to-be baby’s father, of course you wanted him to be the very first person to know, so you couldn’t wait too long to tell him. you couldn’t wait to see the look on his face.

maybe you’d get a little gift box and give the test to him before dinner. but, then again, it was literally a piece of plastic you’d peed on. surely you could give him… something a little nicer than that.

maybe you could buy a baby outfit and wrap it up for him. but you remembered he’d mentioned so many times about how excited he would be to pick out clothes once you got pregnant. you would want him to have the honor of picking out the very first one, going to the store together and looking through the whole section before finally settling on the perfect one.

what else was there you could do? bake a cake? make a crossword puzzle? buy him a t-shirt that says “dad-to-be”? so many ways you could do it, but none of them seemed perfectly right.

from the other room you hear the door opening, and hurriedly you stuff the test into a drawer, not wanting to tell him just yet. you need a plan first; waiting another day or two couldn’t hurt, so you’ll just have to figure out how to tell him later.

you flip off the bathroom light and stride into the hallway, barely able to contain the grin on your face. you’ve always been terrible at keeping secrets, and with news as big and exciting as this you have no idea how you’re going to be able to hide it from him for more than a minute.

but luckily you don’t have to wonder about it for long, because as soon as you see jun you can already tell he’s in a sour mood. 

you know it’s usually best to let him have some time alone when he’s upset, but not for too long because he starts getting frustrated with himself and won’t stop working until he’s exhausted.

but you’re still on a high after everything today, so you decide on being a little bit sweeter to him in the hopes that your happiness will be contagious and that it’ll lift his spirits, despite what was probably a really awful day at work.

you find him sitting at the kitchen table with his head in his hands, long fingers pressed against his eyes trying to block out the light.

“hey, junnie,” you call out, sitting down in a chair next to him. “bad day?”

“yeah,” he answers shortly.

“i’m sorry, baby,” you hum, putting your hand on his shoulder, but he flinches and your hand falls away in surprise. he’s never done that before. weird. you try something else. “um, any requests for dinner?”

“not hungry.”

“alright. well, i guess i can cook up some veggies and leave them out, you can heat them up whenever you get hungry.”

he moves his hands away from his face and onto the table, sighing as he leans back in his chair. “can you just— leave me alone for a while? i’m sorry.”

you nod and stand up. “no, it’s fine. i get it. i’ll bring you some tea later then, maybe. text me when you’re feeling better.” you reach out and gently touch his hand before walking away, leaving him alone at the table.

it’s definitely one of his worser days, you note, so you retreat to your bedroom to watch more videos on your phone, trying to bring back your excitement from earlier. hopefully later he’ll be more open and you can sit down and eat something, and maybe by then you’ll have come up with a good way to tell him the news.

an hour passes and you come out of your bedroom to look for jun, having a question from one of your friends about the dinner you’d arranged to have together next week. but he’s no longer in the kitchen, so you peek your head into his office room and find him exactly where you expect him to be, trying to work himself to death.

you clear your throat before you enter, not wanting to startle him again. “hey, junnie, i know you’re in a bad mood, and i’m sorry to interrupt, but—”

“what do you want?” he snaps, never turning around from his desk. just from the way he’s hunched over his computer, he looks like the most stressed you’ve ever seen him, and your chest tightens with worry before your brain registers what he’s just said to you.

“i— excuse me?”

“i said, what do you want?” he repeats, still facing away from you.

you resist the urge to glare at him, knowing he’s probably under a lot of pressure, and you aren’t trying to add to it. “you don’t have to be rude, jun. i just came in here to double check about next weekend, minghao’s texting me.”

he finally lifts his head, slamming his hand down on the desk. “i’m really trying not to snap at you, but— jesus, you make it so fucking hard sometimes.”

you raise your eyebrows in disbelief, your voice lifting in tone. “well, i’m so very sorry to inconvenience you then, but i really don’t appreciate you talking to me like that, jun.”

“and i don’t appreciate you talking to me like i’m a child! when will you get it through your head?”

his comment stings, but you brush it off. “well, maybe if you’d just talk to me like an adult instead of throwing a fit and hiding in your office then i wouldn’t have to treat you like one!” you’re starting to get tired of how he retreats in on himself every time bad shit happens. all you want to do is let him know he doesn’t have to do it alone, and he’s just… exploding at you for no reason, so you don’t try to hide the snarkiness behind your words.

he scoffs angrily and stands up, towering over you at his full height. “oh, grow up! you’re so moody all the time and you expect me to just put up with it! as if i don’t have enough other shit to worry about, i have to worry about what you think of this and that and everything all the damn time!”

you’ve never seen him get so angry like this, and it’s almost scary how completely different this jun is from the jun you know and love. “okay, jun, fine, i’ll just—”

“no, don’t fucking “jun, fine” me. it’s like you’re doing it on purpose at this point, you act like everything is just so perfect and then when it’s not you act like it’s your job to fix everything! you can’t fix everything!”

“i said fine! just forget it, i’ll leave you the hell alone like you always want!”

he pushes past you and crosses the room in two strides, grabbing his keys off the hook by the door, his hand already on the doorknob. “i need to get some air. i’ll be back later.”

you fold your arms over your chest, trying to look unphased but inside your heart is breaking. “you’re really gonna walk out like that? you’re just gonna run away from this? real mature, junhui.”

he spins around, and the look in his eyes is cold. “if i don’t get out of this house right now i’m gonna say something i actually regret.”

and in a flash the door is slammed shut and jun is gone. you can hear his car starting up in the driveway, and seconds later everything is dead silent.

you stand frozen in front of the door, unable to move. you can’t believe it. you can’t. what just happened?

jun has never just… walked out like that.

his words ring in your ears; though your argument wasn’t very long, a lot was said in a very short time and you can’t even begin to think about how to process it as it starts to hit you all at once.

say something he actually regrets? what the hell does that mean? so he’s saying he doesn’t regret everything else, the cursing and the anger and the pointed words that were clearly meant to hurt you?

minute after long minute passes and you realize he’s not coming back anytime soon. finally you drag yourself away from the door, dropping down on the couch in a daze.

there’s never been a time where you and jun haven’t made up immediately after an argument. sure, maybe you take a little bit to cool down in your own space, but neither of you like letting the tension sit unresolved for very long. so what was it this time that made him leave without even a goodbye?

so many reasons, so many excuses, so many words you could’ve said instead. you shouldn’t have reacted like that, you shouldn’t have kept it going, you should’ve just left him alone. would that have made him stay? if you’d backed down sooner and just let him work through it on his own?

despite all the what-ifs and the doubts in your mind, your conscience won’t allow you to let him worry about everything by himself without at least offering your help. you’re a team, husband and wife, and you’ll be damned if you let him forget that. maybe you trying to help actually made things worse in the end, but at least you know you tried… right?

it’s not until you check your phone and realize that jun’s been gone more than half an hour that you finally let yourself cry. you’d been so focused on worrying about where jun was and whether he was okay that you’d barely even thought about what might happen after this.

will he just… come back and pretend nothing happened? will he come back and still be angry at you? it would almost be worse if he was calm and acted like everything was normal. would he even apologize? would you even apologize? of course you would. both of you said things that were fucked up, and you’ll be the first to admit it if it means this whole thing can be over. right now all you want is to have junhui back.

the tears keep falling but you don’t even feel yourself crying, your face rigid as the tears continue to stain your cheeks.

after an hour you force yourself to get up off the couch and move somewhere, anywhere around the house to try and get your mind off things. but you can’t erase his voice from your head, the look in his eyes as he walked out the door and the way his shoulders hunched from anger mixed with exhaustion.

you find yourself back in your bedroom and you fall onto his side of the bed, wishing you would wake up to find that this has all just been a very bad dream.

it’s after 10pm when you hear your phone buzz on the nightstand and you sit up in a panic, scrambling to see if it’s something from jun. your eyes sting from crying so much, and you blink away the remaining tears as you unlock your phone with shaking hands. your heart drops even further when you realize it is, in fact, from jun, but not the news you want to hear.

you let your phone slip out of your grasp, tumbling to the carpet with a thud. when he’d said he’d be back later you had assumed that meant he’d be coming back tonight. clearly you thought wrong.

tomorrow seemed so far away; too much time to spend alone in a house that was supposed to be filled with happy memories, but now all you felt was pain. you felt it in your chest and in your stomach and in your head and everywhere. the whole room was suffocating, heavy weight crushing down on you from every angle.

you slide to the floor and pick up your phone. you don’t text junhui back. you’re not sure anymore if he’d even read your message. 

instead you type in your friend seokmin’s phone number, listening to the line ring as you wipe the back of your hand across your eyes.

as soon as he picks up, he can hear the anguish in your voice and he’s begging you to tell him what’s wrong, but all you can muster up is a soft, “can i stay with you tonight?” because you can’t bear to be in this house another second without junhui. 

and of course he says yes, and of course he’s immediately on his way over to pick you up. and of course he stops at mcdonald’s on the way back to his house to buy you something to eat, because you haven’t eaten and even though you don’t particularly have much of an appetite right now, seokmin would rather die than let you skip a meal, especially on a night like tonight when you could really use something to keep you going.

you throw your overnight bag on the floor of seokmin’s living room with a small sigh. in a haze you’d tossed in whatever items you thought you might need; a toothbrush, pajamas, something to wash your face with. 

he gives you space for a while as he pulls out the folding bed part of the couch and brings out blankets and pillows for you to sleep with. you don’t say it, but you really appreciate his help. he’s been one of your best friends for so long, and you don’t know what you’d do without him. 

you hadn’t thought about it while you were packing, but as you stand in seokmin’s bathroom you think about the cleanser you’d grabbed; your favorite one, the one jun had gotten you for your birthday last year and you’d never switched to another brand since. 

every single thing reminds you of him, and you push down a fresh wave of emotion as you scrub the foam into your skin, trying to wash away all your tears.

when you’re done getting ready for bed you find seokmin in the living room with a pot of tea. he was just trying to help, but unluckily for him, he’d made green tea. it was your favorite… but it also happened to be jun’s favorite.

and this time you can’t hold back your tears, and seokmin is sitting wide eyed and bewildered, wondering why you’re crying over tea, but he doesn’t ask. he just reaches out to let you hug him, and you squeeze him so tightly you know it must hurt, but he doesn’t say anything, just lets you hug him as hard as you can and lets your tears stain his t-shirt.

it takes another half hour for you to calm down enough to talk. you’d spent the time watching whatever was on tv, not really paying attention and instead playing everything back in your mind. seokmin had just sat next to you, quietly keeping you company until you were ready.

“jun and i… had a fight,” you say finally, interrupting the commercial playing on the screen.

“i figured,” he says, offering you a comforting smile as he mutes the tv. “do you wanna talk about it?”

“i don’t know. there’s not much to talk about.” you take a shaky breath, remembering it all one more time. “we both said some awful things that we didn’t mean. at least, i know i didn’t mean them. then he just… left, and he texted that he’d come home tomorrow. that’s it.”

you don’t tell him about the pregnancy test. you’ve mentioned once or twice that you and jun had been interested in starting a family, but you’d never gone into detail about it and you weren’t going to now. you still wanted jun to be the first person to know, even though you didn’t know when that might be anymore.

you tell him about other things instead, about your day at work and your plans for the weekend. eventually you finish your tea, and seokmin retreats to his own room and shuts the door with a quiet click, leaving you alone in the quiet of his living room.

it takes you a long time to fall asleep, but soon your exhaustion catches up with you and you let yourself rest, physically and emotionally drained. at least the silence here isn’t as bad as the silence at your house.

across town in his friend seungcheol’s guest bedroom, jun can’t stop tossing and turning. he’s fucked up, he knows he fucked up, big time.

why did he leave? he shouldn’t have left. you had been absolutely right, he was running away from everything and it was stupid and dumb and immature. but in that moment all he could think about was what the next awful thing he might say to you was, and he knew if he had stayed for any longer he wouldn’t have been able to stop what came out of his mouth. he was out of control, and immediately he knew it.

not even the worst day in the world could make you deserving of all the things he said to you. you were the only thing that wasn’t bad in his life; even on shitty days like today, all you did was care about him. and all he did was hurt you.

jun barely sleeps that night, finally forcing himself out of the extra bed at dawn. he’d been too anxious to sleep, too frustrated with himself to do anything other than think about everything he did and wonder if you were okay without him.

he’d already gotten an earful from his friend last night, and he knew he was still in big trouble. the things he said wouldn’t just go away overnight. in fact, they’d probably gotten worse by leaving them to build up overnight, and again he’s kicking himself for ever leaving in the first place.

he packs up his things as quickly as he can, eager to get home and see you again. on his way out the door, he thanks seungcheol for letting him stay the night and he apologizes for bothering him so late.

“i’m not the one you need to apologize to. you better figure out how to fix this, jun.”

with a straight face he nods, bowing his head as he closes the door.

in his car, jun takes the long way home, trying to find an open grocery store. he knows it won’t make up for how he acted, but the very least he can do it buy you a bouquet of your favorite flowers.

he walks through the aisles, basket in hand, trying to think of something else for you. maybe he’ll get the ingredients he needs to make your favorite dinner tonight; he hadn’t eaten last night, though you had offered to cook for him and he’d shot you down.

he feels another pang of guilt at the thought, remembering yet another kind gesture you’d tried to give him that he’d brushed off like it meant nothing. it meant everything to him, and in the middle of the frozen vegetables aisle he swore he wouldn’t ever do it again. 

he’d taken you for granted, and he was so lucky that things hadn’t ended worse than they did. he could’ve said something truly unforgivable, or he could’ve even lost your relationship altogether. but he was still yours, and you were still his, and he would just have to work extra hard to make sure you knew how sincere he was.

he’d been a little worried that you hadn’t texted him back last night, seeing that you’d read his message but never responded. you were probably still hurt, and he didn’t blame you; still, he’d hoped you would say something back.

with grocery bags loaded full of ingredients for dinner and the special things he’d bought for you, the drive back home feels a little more hopeful.

he plans out everything he’ll do in the car. he’ll bring the groceries in and put them away quickly; it’s still fairly early in the morning, so hopefully you won’t be awake yet. he’ll arrange your flowers all nice in a pretty vase, and he’ll come in and wake you up with the best apology of his life and hopefully a really big hug. after the last 24 hours he really could use a hug, and he’s sure you could too. and then he’ll explain how sorry he is and how he didn’t mean any of it and then everything will be better again. yes, everything will be okay.

the first part of his plan goes perfectly. he sneaks into the house and when he’s met with silence he continues putting everything away, quietly so he won’t wake you up in the other room. then, he puts the flowers in a vase and with everything in place, he walks down the hallway to finally face you.

but when he twists the bedroom door handle, the bed is made and the room is empty. you aren’t there.

he frowns, leaving the room and poking his head into the bathroom, then his office. he calls your name loudly, hoping you’re just in a corner of the house and you’ll come out once you hear him. but no reply.

he goes back into the living room and sets the vase down on the coffee table, trying to think. you aren’t usually up this early, but maybe you hadn’t been able to sleep and you’d gone out for a walk, or maybe you’d gone to the store to get more cereal? 

a sinking feeling rises in his chest, and he walks back into the bedroom to confirm something, sliding open the closet door to check. your overnight duffel bag is gone.

he ducks back into the bathroom to check something else. your toothbrush isn’t sitting in the jar like it usually is. he slides open the bathroom drawer to check one more thing, and—

his hand freezes on the knob, staring at something in the drawer that wasn’t there before. he’s not sure it is what he thinks it is, but either way there it is, clear as day in front of him: a little white piece of plastic, sticking out from underneath a tissue. 

gingerly he pulls it out, holding it up to the light to see it better. when he sees the two pink lines he nearly drops it in shock, but he stops himself, setting it gently on the counter instead.

this is something special, something precious, and he knew he had to take care of it. you’d saved it for a reason; you could’ve easily just thrown it away once you knew the results, but you had kept it instead. were you going to give it to him?

he covers his mouth with his hand, still staring at the stick sitting on the edge of the sink. it was just a cheap piece of plastic, but to him it was the most important thing in the entire world.

he deflates when he realizes you’d probably been planning on telling him last night, before he’d blown up at you. if he’d been paying attention to anyone other than himself, he would’ve noticed your mood was happier than usual, your face glowing with contained excitement. he should’ve been paying attention.

there’s a sense of urgency in his stride as he dashes around the house, looking for any other sign of you, but it’s clear you weren’t there. there were so many places you could be, he can’t even begin to think of where to look. your parents, friends, family; hell, you could even have stayed in a hotel, alone and upset. he should’ve been there. none of this should’ve ever happened.

immediately he presses the speed dial for your phone, but of course– no answer. he calls again, and again you don’t pick up. he curses, resisting the urge to slam his phone down on the table in frustration. no, he has to stay calm. that’s what got him into this whole fucking mess in the first place.

he remembers that your parents are out of town on vacation, so you probably wouldn’t have gone there. you wouldn’t have gone to a hotel because you always lecture him about the importance of saving money “just in case”, so you wouldn’t have paid to stay somewhere. your sister is still in college and shares an apartment with three other people, so probably not the best idea either. 

that narrows it down to one of your friends’ houses; seokmin, who lives a couple blocks away, or joshua, who lives on the other side of town.

he figures seokmin is his best bet, so jun takes a deep breath and finds the contact in his phone.

“what do you want?” seokmin’s usually cheery voice has an edge to it today, and jun knows he’s picked right.

“is she there?” he asks anxiously.

“she is,” he confirms, and jun exhales, letting out the breath he had been holding in. “but she’s asleep still. i’ll let her know you called.”

“wait,” jun adds quickly.

the line is silent for a moment, and he’s afraid seokmin’s already hung up, but finally he gets a response. “what is it?”

"can i–are you sure? please," jun pleads. if he could just talk to you, just explain what happened and that he's so fucking sorry—

“hold on,” seokmin says, and the phone goes quiet again.

jun’s heart is in his throat as he waits for a response, and he stops when he finally hears your voice. “hello?”

he breathes a sigh of relief. “sweetheart. i’m so sorry.”

you don’t reply, so he continues.

“i’m glad you’re okay,” he starts, trying to put the right words together. “i shouldn’t have said any of that last night, and i shouldn’t have left. i didn’t mean it. i’m sorry.”

“thanks” is all you say, and he hates how small and sad your voice sounds. it’s his fault you sound like that.

“i found your test,” he bursts out, unable to hide his excitement any longer.

“oh." you pause, swallowing. "so… you know.”

“yes, i do know, baby. i’m so sorry, if i had known before—”

you cut him off, your tone suddenly rising with anger. “‘if you had known?’ so you won’t yell at me if i’m pregnant, but you’re just fine with yelling at me when you think i’m not? is that the only reason why you’re even apologizing to me right now?"

“no— fuck, no, of course not. i shouldn’t yell at you, period. and i’m not going to ever again.” jun pauses for a second, rubbing his hand over his eyes. he’s done nothing so far but make everything worse. “i really messed up, honey, and i’m sorry. i can’t say it enough. but— please, come home. i don’t want to talk over the phone.”

you squeeze your eyes shut, trying to will away the tears that threaten to fall again. you don’t want to cry about this anymore. “okay,” you say finally. “i’ll be home in a little while.”

“thank you,” jun says, and the way his voice breaks makes your heart sink. you can tell he feels awful about everything, and you do really, really miss him.

“…i love you," you add, changing your mind at the last second.

“i love you, too!” he says immediately. “i love you, too, honey. text me when you’re on your way.”

“i will.”

he says “i love you” twice more before you end the call. you sit in silence for a second, processing everything before you stand up off the couch and head to seokmin’s room to give him back his phone.

"can you take me home now, please?" you tell him softly, and immediately seokmin stands up and hugs you, his arms wrapped tightly around you.

"of course. let me know when you're ready."

half an hour later you find yourself in the front seat of seokmin’s car once again, this time sitting nervously in his driveway as he puts your bag in the trunk for you. you're still not sure if you're ready to face jun yet, but you know you have to.

reluctantly you unlock your phone and open your text messages with jun, your eyes landing on the text he'd sent last night that had gone unreplied. with shaky fingers you type out that you're leaving seokmin’s house, and jun replies almost instantly with a long string of heart emojis.

seokmin gets into the car and starts it, and you exhale and set your phone in the cupholder.

"are you okay?" he asks, turning to look at you. "because you can always let me know if you need anything. anytime, day or night."

"i'm alright," you say, taking a deep breath. "i'm fine. but thank you, seok. i really appreciate everything."

he smiles, shifting the car into reverse. "of course. it's no problem at all."

the second he hears the car pull up outside the house, jun jumps up off the couch, smoothing his shirt down anxiously. through the window he watches seokmin hand you your bag and close the trunk, giving you one last hug before he gets back in the car. he doesn't drive away until you're at the front porch, and with a deep breath jun swings open the door, before you can even knock.

you both stand there in silence for a second before he blurts out another apology. "i'm sorry," he rushes to say. "i'm really sorry."

you give him a weak smile. "can i maybe… get in the house, first?" you ask quietly, motioning with your free hand at the doorway.

"yeah, i— yeah, shit, of course," jun says as he practically jumps out of your way, holding the door open for you to walk inside.

you set your bag on the floor by the couch as he closes the door behind you. the sound of the lock clicking seems too loud in the uncomfortable silence that settles over the room.

"can… can i give you a hug? please?" he asks, and you stay quiet but nod. 

he closes the distance between you in one stride and wraps his arms around you, squeezing you so tightly and holding you close to his chest. "i'm so sorry, honey. i didn't mean any of it. i promise."

"i believe you," you finally manage, your voice a little muffled from how he's pressing you against him.

he doesn't say anything more, just holds you and holds you, and it feels so good to be home where you belong. there's a lot that needs to be said, but for right now you don't need any more words. you're just glad to be back together again.

after a while you pull your head away from him so you speak. "i'm sorry."

"why are you apologizing? you didn't do anything wrong, baby. i'm the one that needs to be apologizing."

you shake your head. "no. i said some things last night, too. granted, not as bad as you, but…"

jun breaks out into a grin at your joke, and you feel your mood start to lighten. "…which is true. and i'm sorry."

"jun, you can stop apologizing now. i get it, you're sorry. you don't have to tell me a million times," you say, trying to laugh a little.

now it's his turn to shake his head. "well, i'm going to anyway. because i am sorry." you look away from him, feeling embarrassment start to boil up, but he continues talking. "i'm serious. i'll say it as many times as it takes to make it right."

you turn your head back to him, struggling to keep a straight face. "why did you leave, jun?" you ask softly.

he takes a deep breath, and still trapped in his arms you can feel his chest expand with the breath. 

"it was stupid," he says finally. "i left because i didn't want to stay and risk hurting you more. but i realize i did that anyway, by leaving. i was just… i needed some air. but i shouldn't have stayed away, and i'm not gonna do that again. i won't do it, ever again."

"i just don't want you to leave me," you manage, trying and failing to hide the crack in your voice as you feel your eyes start to well up with tears.

he hugs you tighter and one of his hands comes up to cup the back of your head, gently smoothing your hair with his thumb. "i know, baby, i'm sorry. i'm not going to, i promise."

you don't respond, but you know he's telling the truth. the last 24 hours have been hell for the both of you, and you don't doubt he means every single "i'm sorry" he's said.

"so…" jun starts, and you tilt your head up at him.

"so?" you know what he's going to say next, and despite the excitement you had yesterday you feel yourself dreading this part of the conversation.

"you're pregnant?"

you sigh, looking down and avoiding his eyes. "yeah."

he hums. "but you don't sound excited?" he asks.

"well, i was, last night."

"i'm sorry," he winces. "do you wanna tell me now and i'll pretend this didn't happen and i don't know about it?"

you shake your head. "no, it's fine. the moment's kinda… ruined, already."

he sighs. "yeah, i know. i'm sorry i ruined it."

"i said it's fine, jun."

"no, it's not fine," he says firmly. "it's one hundred percent my fault. this is important to you, and to us, and we should be celebrating right now. last night should never have happened."

"jun, it's in the past. it was messed up, but i forgive you," you say, lifting you head to look at him once more. "it's not a big deal. we're okay now."

"i just want you to be happy about it," he says with a sniff. "we've been trying for so long, and finally…" he trails off, staring at you with watery eyes. 

you smile at him. "i am happy about it, junnie. i'm so happy, you can't even believe."

"did you tell seokmin?" he asks, and his brows furrow when you shake your head no.

"no, i didn't. i wanted you to be the first i told," you say shyly. "i knew you would want to be the first to know."

"i love you so much," he says, still hugging you. he's never going to let you go, never again. "do you know how far along?"

"no, i didn't go to the doctor. probably like two or three weeks, though, if i've been counting it right."

"wow," he sighs, a smile on his face as he stares off into the distance behind you. "i can't wait."

you watch his eyes, practically able to see the thoughts running through his head. 

after a while he loosens his grip around you, moving to swipe at his eyes quickly with the back of his hand. "well—anyway," he starts, giving you an awkward chuckle. "i bought stuff for breakfast. if you haven't had any, yet. and i'm making dinner tonight, too."

before you can even respond his eyes widen, like he's just now remembering all the things he had planned, and he lets go of you, bounding into the kitchen. he returns seconds later with a huge glass vase full of flowers, practically tripping over his own feet in his rush to hand them to you. "and i got these for you, too. sorry they're not the best, it's all the store had this morning."

"junnie, if this is the best the store had, then i don't think i wanna see their best," you laugh, holding the flowers up and admiring the dozens of bright blooms. "this is gorgeous, but you really didn't need to get me anything."

"but i wanted to," he counters, still running around the room to grab the gift bag sitting by the couch. "consider it an 'i'm very sorry' slash 'congrats you're having a baby' gift."

you set the vase down on the table next to you and take the bag from him, pulling out the tissue paper and crumpling it into a ball.

"i didn't have a whole lot of time to look this morning, but i found these," he says nervously, waiting for your reaction.

from the bag you pull out a miniature plastic hanger holding a set of tiny pajamas covered in little kitties, attached to a matching set of striped orange socks.

"i wanted to be the first person to get you baby clothes," he explains as he fidgets with his hands. 

"i knew you would," you smile at him, setting the empty bag and the clothes on the table along with the bouquet of flowers. "and they're perfect. they're so… you."

you throw your arms around his neck, pulling him back in for another hug. "i love all of it. thank you, jun."

he grins, rocking you back and forth in his arms and leaving kisses all over your cheek. "i love you too, baby. i missed you so much. i won't ever do that again."

"i know," you smile. "now… you promised me breakfast, isn't that right? because i'm starving. crying is exhausting."

he laughs. "no crying anymore. and i did promise you that, so tell me: do you want blueberry waffles, or strawberry?"

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[closetcasefabray]

i found this in my drafts, & i don’t remember when i started to write this, but ta-da! finally wrote something. this is not a cohesive whole (nor is grief so we can pretend it’s intentional).

also this phone business is awful—almost threw it when tripling the length of this (what was supposed to be) drabble 😒 forgive wonky formatting &/or typos. (laptopless life sucks)

this drabble-ficlet thing is for @snowandwolves bc our friendship is based in wrecking each other emotionally with avatrice au’s & headcanons. also some of this was inspired by sixth to the ninth hour, from which i will never recover. but this isn’t complete despair!

—

summary: beatrice returns to switzerland and tries to live her life. (canon compliant, s3, grief)

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a thing that carries itself

—

It is when you are asking about something that you realize you yourself have survived it, and so you must carry it, or fashion it into a thing that carries itself.

(nox, anne carson)

—

beatrice knows hans could close the bar down on his own while blindfolded on a night like tonight—not much money to be made mid-week with dwindling tourists and seasonal stays—but beatrice doesn’t suggest it, and hans doesn’t offer. he’s come to recognize when beatrice needs some company, even if it’s just a couple hours and they exchange few words.

—

beatrice returned to switzerland a few days after camila found her asleep at the arc for the fourth time.

(jillian is moving it back to her lab to rebuild, camila offered with a gentle smile—one that expressed she too was hopeful, but not so much she wished to give beatrice too high of expectations.

beatrice knew, even with every scientific expert working on the arc, it would take over a year to repair the arc and source enough power within their earthly limitations for it to open even briefly. beatrice also knew it would likely require a decade of research before someone could go through the arc, let alone explore the alien realm beyond it.

as of a month ago, the arc team is still a few brilliant nuns led by a genius scientist, but when beatrice looks at them, she only sees young women—too young to be willing to die in a holy war—and a mother mourning the loss of her son for a second time.)

before she left, beatrice said goodbye through the arc—if only for the smallest chance a loving god would take pity on her and split open the barrier between realms just briefly enough for her words to reach through to ava:

see you at home. (i love you.)

—

when beatrice first arrived back to town, she became overwhelmed as she took in the remarkably unchanged neighborhoods, all the same buildings standing as they had when she and ava left in the night.

(the ache in her chest turned bitter, so much so she had to refrain from shaking the couples laughing and enjoying each other’s company in the sunshine—ava is gone. do you understand? don’t you feel it too? the absence of her?)

their old flat sat untouched as well; beatrice knew the elderly couple who owned the building weren’t eager to put much work into clearing it out to show it to young university kids who would be far too loud for their liking. (not that ava would ever be considered quiet—she had charmed them like she does everyone.) they warmly welcomed beatrice back and handed her the keys within the hour.

(she found a crumpled tank top of ava’s in the back of the closet and, holding it in her hands, pressed to her chest, she let herself cry for the first time in weeks, sitting on the dusty floor, counting the pieces of furniture in the room that ava once touched.)

the usually absent bar owner also returned the keys and beatrice’s managerial position before she even finished asking if they were hiring.

(what about hans?

he likes being head bartender.

there’s really no one else?

i’ve had two different managers and three different bartenders come and go since you and ava left. i can’t find a replacement half as good as either of you.

beatrice isn’t sure what expression he read on her face, but he didn’t say ava’s name again after that.)

—

throughout the next few weeks, beatrice thought returning to a place so full of memories of ava was possibly some misguided, catholic-guilt-induced self-flagellation—to wake up in their bed alone, to drink tea across from an empty chair, to walk the familiar paths to their favorite places without her—the lack ached in the hollow of beatrice’s core like penance.

maybe i’m meant to feel like this, she thought, and still thinks at times, but then she remembers ava in the gold room—the only thing holy in a temple devoted to a false prophet—telling beatrice to live her life. (gospel, she thinks.)

when ava kissed her, beatrice didn’t think of sin or hell. she thought only of the truth of ava’s lips, her body—capable of flight and phasing through stone—standing before beatrice and choosing love, a tenderness the world had never offered her. it was the opposite of sin—it was sacrament, a baptism that tasted of salt as they kissed, bathed in light.

so beatrice stays and tries each day.

(we are all just trying to be holy.)

—

in the months of staying, of trying to live her life, her friendship with hans has grown into something quieter and gentler than beatrice would have expected from the same bartender who had taught ava german curses and euphemisms. (beatrice would pretend she couldn’t hear as they whispered conspiratorially, knowing ava was familiar with more than half of the swears, but ava was still delighted by every cautiously murmured phrase hans offered her.)

it surprised beatrice at first, to find that hans actually likes her as she is—his overly organized manager-turned-friend who drinks tea out of the same mug every afternoon she comes into work and almost never drinks alcohol but will sip the occasional “virgin cuba libre” when he asks her to hang out with him after work for a shift drink. hans is even familiar enough with beatrice to occasionally tease her in german, her fluency allowing her to respond with a quick-witted retort. she smiles at his amusement, and he is thrilled by each new detail he learns of her.

beatrice is grateful to be closer to someone who doesn’t owe god his life, who remembers ava as ava—not the warrior nun or the halo-bearer.

(instead, hans remembers training ava at the bar, her focus when he taught her classic cocktail specs, and her enthusiasm that breathed life and vibrancy back into the bar job he had begun to find tedious. he remembers making ava laugh so hard her cuba libre came out of her nose, the little snort in her laugh when something amusing surprised her, the pout she’d use before asking for a favor—always far less effective on hans than beatrice. he remembers ava beaming when she mastered a new skill, her eyes finding beatrice to check if she saw—beatrice always saw and always smiled back; how could she not? beatrice was a moon in ava’s orbit, and she had no other option but to glow in her light.)

mostly beatrice is grateful that their friendship doesn’t try to fill the space and silence ava used to occupy; instead they fashion it into a kind of shared insulation for them to keep warm in the cold of grief. so when beatrice daydreams over the books at the bar and something startles her back into this realm without ava, she appreciates that hans doesn’t say anything to draw attention to the way her eyes shine with the sorrow of reality, like they did the first time hans said ava’s name months ago and all at once beatrice felt the air leave her lungs and her eyes burn. hans will stay nearby in those moments, offering an ear if she does wish to talk, but far enough she doesn’t feel obligated to explain it. sometimes it’s just the comfort of someone nearby who misses ava too.

(occasionally beatrice lets her mind project ava across the bar, watching her move from table to table, turning to beatrice and giving her a wink, hips swaying to a german pop song, sometimes accompanied by a little spin as if she wasn’t carrying a precariously balanced tray of glassware. but when the reel in beatrice’s mind starts to fade and flicker, she blinks and the shining sadness of her eyes dims into a melancholy others often mistake for stolidness—when the vision of ava smiling and making drinks beside hans blurs, it’s too ghostly for beatrice because ava is alive.

beatrice doesn’t find much comfort in god these days, but she still has faith.)

—

beatrice steps outside with hans, takes a deep breath, looks up at the unpolluted skies, and finds the constellations ava drew when they would sneak onto the roof of their flat when the nights were clear. beatrice has taken to writing the mythology of each one in her head as she walks home at night. she often considers writing some kind of scripture based less in fear and shame and more in love and forgiveness. maybe if she tells the stories enough, ava will return a new testament.

(but beatrice promised herself that once ava returns, she won’t share ava with the world—no temples, no saviors, no holy wars. beatrice wants to watch the sun set on the ocean, casting ava in golden light that doesn’t feel like a goodbye. she wants ava to press her lips to hers again but as a greeting, as a stay here with me. she wants to watch the sunrise spill across ava’s face like a promise beatrice will keep. she wants ava, and she is learning to forgive herself for this—the selfishness, not her love—beatrice’s love does not apologize.)

“are you off work tomorrow?” hans asks as they start walking the several blocks toward their respective apartments.

“yes, but if you need—”

hans shakes his head vigorously, and beatrice gives him a small half-smile.

“you should go to the library, get a couple books. if you come by, i’ll make you tea but you absolutely cannot work,” he says, pointing his finger at beatrice with an exaggerated sternness.

beatrice smiles a little wider, “i won’t.”

when they reach the cross streets where they part ways, hans wraps his arms around beatrice’s shoulders, and she wraps hers around his waist—a strange arrangement of limbs both of them had grown up unfamiliar with, something that ava taught them to appreciate—touch, closeness, a human intimacy too many would never admit they needed. so they make a point to hug each other for brief moments to carry that part of ava with them.

—

her nighttime routine unfolds as muscle memory so her mind wanders to work, hans, and always ava. she climbs into bed and imagines ava teasing her for keeping her shirt under her pillow, where she rubs the fabric between her fingers.

you always liked being close to me when we slept, ava would say.

i always liked being close to you when we were awake, beatrice would confess.

she savors the moments just before sleep, when those minutes are hers alone without obligations or the weight of the outside world—her mind in a free fall. (when beatrice was a child and her mother was kinder, she would soothe beatrice after a nightmare by telling her to think of all the exciting things tomorrow would bring.) as if directing the trajectory of her plummet, she chooses ava every time.

she closes her eyes and plays the memories against the back if her eyelids, setting her unconscious mind on a path toward a kind of imagined heaven, so maybe—just maybe—beatrice will see ava again in her dreams.

tonight she is walking into work, and ava looks up and smiles at her from behind the bar.

hey, bea.

hi. she feels something joyous swell inside her, and the glassware behind the bar starts to glimmer as she walks toward ava. i missed you.

we had breakfast together this morning, ava says with a laugh, but once beatrice is beside her, ava leans close and whispers, i miss you too, bea. everyday.

when ava pulls back slightly, beatrice sees it—the melancholy half-smile on ava’s lips, her dark, shining eyes. the shimmering light grows, and beatrice feels ava’s hands take hers and pull her closer.

i’ll see you at home soon. ava tucks a strand of bea’s hair behind her ear, and she feels herself lean into her touch.

ava—

it’s okay, bea. just wake up.

when beatrice opens her eyes, she can see the night sky outside her window, but the flickering light of her ocs necklace on her bedside table seems to light the entire room. she cradles it in her hands and decodes it on the first pass, but to be sure, she watches it flash three more times—ava is alive.

—

fin

—

thanks for reading!

some rambles/notes:

i almost never write from bea’s perspective bc she’s v smart—i’m decidedly not bea-smart (nor am i ava-smart but i am ava-eager-&-a-little-reckless, so that’s what i typically lean toward). so i think i did a rewatch & felt a little heartbroken. also p sure i drank half a bottle of wine during the rewatch so that may have been why this is [gestures vaguely] like this.

but anne carson and richard siken are my roman empires, so i named this after the opening anne carson quote from nox. and i will always think of avatrice when i remember we were in the gold room where everyone finally gets what they want . . . we are all just trying to be holy.

also what i didn’t include & is in my head:

- hans & bea’s talk about what happened with ava. basically “she had to leave, and i don’t know if… i don’t know when she’ll come back” & hans isn’t sure what it means but he never tells beatrice to move on bc he knows he couldn’t understand what happened. mostly he saw them together and he’s never seen beatrice smile the way she did with ava. also i said beatrice rarely drinks but she & hans have this conversation with wine involved. the drunk cry bar staff bond is real.

- the day beatrice realizes she’s been without ava longer than she was with her—she’s marking the date in the inventory book, then she just stops as her brain does the math against her will. hans sees her hands are trembling & he just knows. he takes bea up to the office & gives her some water. he asks, “do you think your home will help or make this harder right now?” so he has beatrice over to his small, neat apartment and he makes some food for her. he asks if it’s about ava & whether or not bea wants to talk about it. she doesn’t want to talk, but she says hans can talk about her. so hans tells bea some of his memories with ava. thus some of the memories included.

anyway, sorry? i guess?

also if you haven’t—read @snowandwolves fics if you want coherent & complete(ly devastating & healing) fics:

sixth to the ninth hour is canon compliant s3 & basically ava walks through hell to get back to bea. 😭 i cried. my heart ached. but also there’s plenty of spice 😏 [ava eyebrow wiggle]. all my favorite things heh…

leave the light on (i'll find my way home) is lighthouse au. our babes are so soft and in love 🥹 i went on a trip to see puffins & lighthouses bc of this. the whole fic is incredible, but there’s this one part in the lighthouse… i think it altered my brain chemistry in the best way.

[everythingmp3]

in good hands

adult!Van x fem!reader

working at Lottie´s retreat has its regular routine, which suddenly gets disrupted when you cross paths with one of her old friends. lucky for Van, you are in a giving mood and might just know how to help her unwind after a stressful day.

warnings: minors dni. smut, reader "tops" but just lightly

author´s note: hii it´s been a while since I’ve dropped a Van fic but I found this in my drafts and edited it a little bc I thought some of you might enjoy it during our painfully long wait for season 3! so here u go, something lighthearted <3 (this is set during 2x7 when they’re all off doing their little therapies, a brief Lottie appearance at the end)

people might have assumed that the way you found your job at Lottie´s compound was some exciting story, but it really wasn´t; nobody recruited you, there was nothing cult-like about it, you simply needed a temporary job and had found it online.

they were going to pay well, on top of giving you a whole cabin to yourself, so the decision to send off your resume and accept their offer had been a very easy one. the place was serene and refreshing after coming there from your place in the city and your new boss, Lottie or “Charlotte” as everyone called her, seemed sweet in both a maternal and sisterly kind of way way. you could see why everyone was enthusiastic about the community she´d created there, but to you it was just a way to earn money, you didn´t buy into the whole spiritual aspect. still, you were glad to play along for anyone who wanted you to, agreeing with others that your time there was very “transformative” and that you were eager to create a “safe space” for any guests that you worked with.

still, some nights it all got a little boring and lonely, about a month into it, you almost felt like you were living in a monastery: no friends, no internet, no junk food, no way to let loose and it didn´t help that hardly anyone at the camp was on the same wavelength as you. you got along with everyone but nobody stood out to you as someone you´d wanna get close to, have fun with, get in trouble with, so you were left to your own devices; sometimes you stole some liquor from the dining hall and drank that on your own at your secret hiding place that you´d discovered about two weeks into being at the compound. it was a spot in the woods, you had to walk about five minutes to reach it, an old bench close to the lake, nobody ever bothered you there.

one day you were particularly tired and exhausted, people had unloaded a lot of emotional bullshit onto you, so around 7 pm you were ready to escape and to have at least an hour to yourself, just sitting there on that bench listening to the birds and trees, zoning out, trying to let the stress of the day go.

while you were already there, Van was still deciding where to go to be left in peace while drinking what she´d just gotten out of her truck. wherever she looked, she saw people dressed in purple who absolutely would not approve of her plan, so her last resort was going into the woods. she almost laughed to herself about how ironic it was, that the day she reunited with her old friends was also the day she went into the woods for the first time in ages. 

she was hoping to maybe find a large tree stump she could sit on, but a few minutes into walking she saw something she didn´t expect: you, sitting on a bench. at first she thought fuck. that would have been perfect. for a moment she wanted to turn around, but once she saw that you weren´t wearing purple she got curious, it also helped that you looked rather attractive, even from behind, so she decided to stay. Van didn´t want to startle you, so she tried to sound very calm and polite as she approached you tentatively.

“sorry I really don´t mean to bother you-” you turned around, taken off guard, a little annoyed by the fact that someone else had found their way to your spot, but once you saw Van you knew immediately: oh that´s not a guest. you were confused, she could tell, “I´m a friend of Lottie´s, I was just looking for a place to chill for a moment, but I can leave” your gaze fell from her striking face to her hand that was holding a bottle of what looked like tequila, so a smile spread across your face, “oh no, it´s okay! you can sit if you want. if I can get a sip of that..” you said in a mischievous tone. Van nodded, relieved you didn´t mind her presence, she came over and sat down, handing you the bottle, “here you go. so are you..” you realized you hadn´t told her anything yet “oh right, I work here. so.. shhh” you held an index finger to your lips, grinning, before you took a big sip of the liquor, exhaling after “yeah this is good”, she smiled, eyeing you curiously, “so, I take it the job isn´t all that easy huh?”. you shrugged, looking back at her, realizing how hot she was now that she was sitting so close, the faint scars on her face somehow adding to it, “oh it´s fine, really, this beats any of the other jobs I had so I won´t complain to you. but you know... the whole enlightenment and personal growth obsession does get annoying sometimes.” 

she laughed, realizing that you might be the exact person she was looking for, someone who shared her suspicious mindset, “okay I take it you´re not a “believer” then?” you shook your head “nope, absolutely not, I am here to earn money and help people. that´s it, I´m not looking to see the light or whatever the fuck” you took another sip, she let you, more interested in your thoughts than getting fucked up, increasingly glad she had the guts to approach you, “I see. and how do you help? what´s your job title?”, you passed her the bottle as you explained it, “well. I am sort of a physical therapist but the amateur version, nothing super medical, just massages and stuff like that, helping with tension or soreness or just general discomfort.” she didn´t expect that, “really? so you´re good with your hands then?” the moment she said that she realized how shamelessly suggestive it was, but before she could backtrack she saw a flicker of intrigue in your eyes, a pleased smile as you answered, “you could say that, yes”. it dawned on you then that she also found you attractive, and you were starved for genuine excitement, for pleasure, so you challenged her, staring into her eyes, intensely “I mean, I can tell from looking at you that you could also use some help physically” she raised her eyebrows, things were getting interesting“oh really? how so?”.

without warning you reached out to squeeze her shoulder, feeling her wince, “yeah, just as I thought. tense as hell”, an authority to your voice, you saw right through her and she felt her face flush, your grip was harder than she expected, it was turning her on. “well driving for about six hours straight will do that” you were sympathetic then, “oh okay, that´s a lot. I mean, I´m off the clock but I could make an exception if you wanna let me try something” you smiled, kindly, a sweetness to your tone, but not without a certain danger in it, she could tell, and she was getting nervous, but what did she have to lose? so she said “sure. okay..” you nodded, determined, gesturing for her to turn her back to you, “right, please tell me if anything hurts too bad” you instructed, her face burning up by then from the anticipation of your touch.

“you have really nice hair” you said, drawing out the really for emphasis, as you moved it to the front so it wouldn´t be in the way, letting it spill down her chest as you placed your hands on her shoulders, near her neck, slowly pressing your thumbs down through the fabric, “oh thank you” she said, her voice giving away that she was almost a little shy then, it felt exhilarating, to have a hot stranger being that that attentive and charming out of nowhere. the surroundings helped her with relaxing, the sun was setting and the sound of small waves crashing on the shore close to you filled the air. the moment she felt your fingers digging into her flesh her whole body reacted, at first it hurt a little but then she realized you knew exactly what you were doing, there was a distinct skillfulness she could detect, so her muscles relaxed into your palms. 

“good?” you inquired, sort of cocky because you knew it was, her eyes were closed by then, “hm, yeah, feels nice”, her voice was smooth and deep, you almost told her to keep talking so you could hear more but instead you silently, diligently continued your touches, moving towards the space between her shoulder blades, pressing down enough so the circles you were drawing could loosen her up, you wished you could have touched her bare skin, a few noises of discomfort escaped her but you could tell it was the good kind of pain, the kind that signaled to you that her body was reacting well. after a few moments of silence and focused pressing and squeezing on your part, she spoke up again,“the people here are spoiled as hell huh? getting treated like this by a pretty girl” you perked up then, your hand moving up to her neck, your touch lighter, almost sensual, closer to a caress than a massage, she could tell that it wasn´t something you´d do to any guest, “did you just call me pretty?” you said, leaning close to her, your head almost resting on her shoulder then, your voice playful, she still had her back turned to you, Van knew there was no going back from that,“well. you are.” she said, matter of factly.

“wanna say that to my face maybe?” you teased, tapping her to signal that she should turn around, which she did, slightly disappointed that you´d stopped touching her, giving you an intense look, “you´re that starved for compliments huh?” she teased back, tilting her head, “I am starved for a lot of things” you were bold then, her expression shifted, a sudden need came over her as she scanned your face, her gaze involuntarily stopping at your lips, “I can tell”, her voice somehow even deeper than before, sending a shiver down your spine. you did not have any shame left in you by that point, moving closer to her, close enough to feel her breath, pressing yourself against her a little while staring at her, your hand on her thigh, “you know. I can think of something else that might help you relax..” she almost blacked out for a second as you said that, your hand placement killing her, your breath on her neck, she had no idea how you´d figured out that she was into being overpowered by other women, but it felt too good to push back. you were almost purring at her as your hand wandered down to her zipper, undoing it for her, but her own hand moved to your face then, grabbing you rather hard, stopping you, “jesus maybe give me a kiss first” she whispered as she pulled you in and you immediately matched her eagerness, her soft lips a thrilling sensation, both of you clearly worked up by that point, kissing turning into making out within a split second, neither of you holding back with the desperate sounds that left you, for a moment Van had the upper hand, feeling you turn needy from her touch, and since you´d initiated she had no problem taking advantage of the fact that you weren´t wearing a jacket, she reached under your shirt and grabbed your chest firmly enough to leave bruises, forcing a whimper out of you, it had been a while since she´d hooked up with anyone and she groped you in a way that made it very clear, taking what she wanted without much regard, but you liked it, feeling wanted like that. once you pulled away to try and breathe, you resumed what you´d started doing before, making sure she was fine with it, “can I?” you sighed against her cheek, breathing her warm scent in, hearing her take unsteady breaths, she nodded, “hmm” a sound of approval, so you pushed your hand down her undone jeans, slipping your fingers into her underwear, the heat of her skin already delicious before you even went further down.

her hand was gripping your arm with force as you did this, the moment your fingers met the wetness that had collected from her arousal you let out a barely audible “god..”, it was all you wanted in that moment, to feel her growing even wetter, so you slid two of your fingers between her lips, getting them all slick before slowly moving them up and down, really savoring it, hearing her moan a little, followed by a soft “fuck”, her nails digging into your skin by then, you couldn´t keep it that slow so you added some pressure to it, some force, the way you knew it felt best from masturbating that way, paying attention to the rest of her body too, kissing the side of her pale neck, all the way to the middle of her throat, which was easily accessible since her head was tilted back in pleasure. you focused on her clit then as you briefly ran your tongue over her neck, making her whine from the double intensity of your fingers and your mouth, “you´re so fucking hot” you sighed before kissing her again, feeling her struggling to kiss you back, in disbelief over having someone so your type practically melting into your hands.

“fuck don´t stop” she begged, as you found the exact right rhythm, her clit throbbing by that point, “go on, cum for me” you cooed as you felt her losing her composure, her hips moving upward to meet your hand, a desperation to it, so you did your best to really put all your strength into the last few moments of getting her off, her underwear a soaking mess by that point, she bit down on her lower lip as she came, almost drawing blood, your face deliberately near hers to hear the sound of her climax, “that´s it” you praised as you slowed down but still kept touching her, getting your fingers covered in her juices even more, the heat and velvety texture a sensation that almost got you to cum as well then. Van was so dizzy with heat that even those light lingering touches felt heavenly, but finally you let go, trying to regain a sense of where you were and what had just happened, a satisfied grin on your face as you looked at her, her face all flushed, her cheeks glowing red as she zipped up her jeans with unsteady hands, shaking her head as she returned your look.

“I think am starting to like this place..” she uttered in a breathy tone, you smiled, "good, I am doing my job right then”, she nodded, grinning, “yeah, I think you really found your calling” enjoying the attention you were showing her with, the afterglow of the endorphins that had unexpectedly rushed her tired body. “oh fuck I think the others might be looking for me by now” she realized that it had gotten dark, her phone was still confiscated of course, so Van knew they might get worried if she randomly disappeared without a trace.

“right, okay, I should get back too I think” you said, standing up, suppressing a laugh as you saw her struggling to put weight onto her still slightly shaky legs, “oh you´re enjoying this huh?” she said, pushing you forward as she approached you, “if I wasn´t running late I´d get you back right now”, you blushed at the thought, “is that a threat?” you asked as she caught up to you, “maybe” she uttered, adjusting her hair and clothes. “well in that case, if you do end up staying here, my cabin is number 7. if you wanna follow through on that”, she couldn´t believe how bold you were being, but it did thrill her, and after a day like that, driving home at night seemed awful, so she thought why not stay until the morning? your offer made it much easier to abandon her escape plan “sure, I´ll keep that in mind” she said, meeting your eyes one last time before you were on the camp grounds again, walking towards the main area.

"you know I saw you guys earlier. in the parking lot", you confessed, "you did? well, believe it or not that was the first time I have seen most of them in like.. 20 something years", that was not what you had thought, "wait really?", "hmm." , she couldn´t help but take the chance of maybe making you feel a little jealous, "actually one of them is my ex. to make things even more awkward..", you laughed, "damn, you have more going on than me, that´s for sure", she looked back at you then, "really? nothing fun you´ve gotten up to here so far?", you shook your head "couldn´t you tell, with how I ambushed you just now?" she laughed, "right, no, it was kinda obvious."

the moment you approached the road that lead to dining hall, you could both see Lottie making her way in your exact direction and let out a simultaneous, “fuck.” as you saw the tall brunette looking straight at you. Van would have to talk to her but you took the easy way out, whispering a “good luck” to her as you excused yourself, avoiding eye contact with Lottie as you passed her, only a brief wave and barely audible “good night” as she was busy fixing Van with her gaze, the look of someone who was about to start an interrogation, her arms crossed. of course she could tell, that blush on both of your faces, the way Van looked at you as you walked away, it was clear as day what you two had been up to. once Van stood in front of Lottie she decided against an apology or justification and went straight for a joke to try and diffuse the tension.

“I think you should give that girl a raise”, she said, Lottie nodded and raised her voice, “oh I am sure I fucking should after whatever it is that you just made her do”. Van protested, acting offended, “made her do?? I´ll have you know that your worker pursued me, thank you very much”, and Lottie couldn´t help but crack a smile then, shaking her head in disbelief, “you know I expected a lot of things to go down when we all reunited earlier, but this was definitely not on the list”. Van shifted her weight, an almost girlish expression on her face then, “well. I mean if it makes you feel better, coming here definitely did help me relax”, “you know what, if that´s what it took then I´m glad. not that I´d ever pimp my workers out on purpose but hey. what happens happens” Van nodded, “exactly. also, you can´t act like you´re so holy, don’t tell me you’ve never seen a hot girl around here and.. considered things” Van teased, Lottie gave her look that said careful, “believe it or not I don´t have ulterior motives” Van laughed, “sure, you never do.” a familiarity to their exchange that made both of them feel a little nostalgic, in the end Lottie was just glad to see Van smile, after all this time she could tell that life had worn her old friend down, and if having some fun with a pretty girl could get her spirits up, who was she to judge? “okay. ready to go back to the others?”, “no.” Van answered, dryly, Lottie smiled, “me neither” as she linked arms with Van and dragged her off to where the other four were waiting.

as they walked Van tried to keep it in mind, “number 7”, the cabin that she might have to casually walk past later that night. 

[redishflavor]

if you saw the other one no you didn't

someone's John dory ask got eaten and I can't find my previous draft on it 😔

A/N -> I'll be starting school soon again so I won't be able to write as many fanfics as right now, but still send it requests! I just won't be able to publish them as fast as before 😅

but anyways (this is way longer than my last one damn)

John dory x reader headcanons

okay let's get one thing straight

this man has been in the wild for over idk how many years

he probably is secretly touch starved

and he's probably really bad at flirting

let's say this is after the events of TBT, so he's back in society again (probably)

hes bumped into you a few times and during those few times it was just some small talk here and there

but then when he bumped into you again he decided to flirt

with a terrible pick up line

after he said that he gave a look that was like "Yep, still got it"

he does not got it

you just looked at him, looked away and snorted

he thinks it's working

it might be

without him asking, you gave him your number on a peice of paper

there was a small not under the number (yall choose idk what to put) with a small heart at the end

(ur stinky but funny ❤️) (I sorry I had to😭😭)

he didn't read the note, he js put it on his wall in a frame

he was the first to text you

just a simple "Hi this is John dory"

and you know how some people type something but not send it?

he did that

"PLEASE PLEASE DATE ME 🙏🙏" then he deleted it to respond 'normally' to your text

after a few weeks of talking to each other you were the first to ask if he wanted to go on a date

he probably has never responded so fast to someone on his life

I js had to add this but he probably lost his other glove bc Rhonda ate it

anyways back on track

the first date you two went on was at a small Cafe (idk I panicked😭)

you two talked about a hunch of stuff but then settled on the topic of bands

one of your favorite band was BroZone

his eyes visibly lit up at the word BroZone

asks a bunch on questions like "who's your favorite band member" or "what's you favorite song"

takes his SWEET TIME telling you he's THE John Dory from BroZone

so many questions from both him and you

but after that date he offers to walk you home

and that's also how he got your address

a few more dates later he's the one to make the first move

a small text saying to meet him up at the Cafe they had their first date in

hes already there looking a bit flustered

after you two sit down he asks if you want to date

and that's how yall start dating (I am so sleepy rn guys)

every now and then he would send small gifts to you like flowers, candies, anything that reminds him of you at almost any store he goes to

he likes compliments, both giving and receiving them

when he's spending the day at your place he likes to cuddle with you

or hold you in any way

hug, hand holding, any touch basically

LOVES when you kiss him

like pepper him with kisses and he's melting

grab a bucket and mop he's gone

when he first introduced you to his brothers they had many questions

when Poppy met you (probably through Branch)

you two both bonded over dating a member of brozone

as you and Poppy were fangirling over them JD just looked at you lovingly

like he almost forgot his brothers were there

he loves you too much

he also gets you free tickets and backstage passes to every single one of BroZone's concerts

you've never missed a single concert

and you have way to much merch (mostly JD's merch) (and it's signed with his signature)

I think I might end it here bc I'm running out of ideas and any longer to post this would end up taking longer to post because school starts in like 2 says for me 😭😭 anyways I hope this was good for whoever asked this and again so sorry I lost your ask! I hope you have a great day/night!!

[psychesalcove]

„ i think we're one of the same, i don't think we could help it (no i don't think we could help it) ”

𝜗𝜚 headcanons with percy with a child of amphitrite and their dynamic!!

requested: yes, by anon !!

⚠️: not proofread AT ALL, percy being sassy as usual, nothing else i believe!!

💬: thank you so much for the request anon!! I decided to do some headcanons with this, which I hope is okay with you—if not, feel free to send in another ask and I'll get to writing it!! ALSO i thought i had uploaded it but i just saved it to my drafts, so im so sorry for not seeing my mistake sooner!!

𖹭 some background info on this, amphitritea is the wife of poseidon—so this dynamic would be like step siblings in my mind, so that's what I'm going on!!

𖹭 when you first got to camp, percy emideantaly felt like he should get to know you–he didn't know why, but something about you seemed familiar in a way he couldn't place

𖹭 so ofc, like the social butterfly he is, he goes up to you and introduces himself to you,

𖹭 you already know of him bc of the whole savior of olympus and forbidden child thing going on, but you introduce yourself to him

𖹭 he invites you to sit with him so you don't have to be dangling off the hermes table bc of all his kids, and you happily agree

𖹭 the next few days, you are off doing your own things, but you and percy still say hi and stuff when you see eachother

𖹭 about a week has passed since you arrived, and still no sign from your godly parent

𖹭 and, literally no one could figure out who's kid you might be (even my girl annabeth was struggling with you)

𖹭 it was canoe race day, and you got paired up with percy (he def didn't beg Mr. D to have you in his group)

𖹭 you and percy were doing well in it (obv since he's a literal child of the sea), and you two ended up winning

𖹭 and, as percy moved to high-five you, a familiar blue glow appeared above you,

𖹭 you look up, and see a symbol of twin dolphins, the sign of Amphitrite, the wife of poseidon

𖹭 both you and percy were both shocked (probably him more than you)

𖹭 but, he quickly got over his shock and high fived you super hard

𖹭 "you're my sibling oh my gods oh my gods!!"

𖹭 he's like actually so happy when you got claimed

𖹭 but, he knows it can be hard getting used to being in a cabin alone after being with the hermes kids, so he helps you all he can

𖹭 this includes him helping you decorate your space, either with Polaroids of you and your mortal parents and friends, getting fairy lights hung up, and getting some stuffed animals on your bed, and a lot more things

𖹭 he wants you to know that you can always come to him for anything at all!! Even if it is a crush (even tho he knows you would go to piper for that)

𖹭 he would have so much fun introducing you to Tyson,

𖹭 like the three of you would be besties omg

𖹭 you and percy would also do that trend where you make bracelets with eachothers eye color (tyson would have one 2 don't worry 🙏)

𖹭 and both of you would religiously wear them and almost never take them off unless it's deemed unsafe to be wearing)

𖹭 percy would also make you practice with him, mainly bc he wants to be sure that you are prepared if any monster invasion happens or you get sent on a quest

𖹭 on the topic of a quest, he would be like a dad with a teenager going to their first dance or party

𖹭 he's actually so worried for you and what could happen; he's constantly asking if you have everything packed, if you brought enough ambrosia, etc.

𖹭 he'll def talk to chiron and Mr D abou the quest saying that he should also be able to go on it

𖹭 and then he gets all pissy when he can't come

𖹭 he's like: "wdym I can't go with them ☹️🙄😠"

𖹭 ALSO sally absolutely adores you

𖹭 he brought you over to his apartment for the first time and introduced Sally to you and BAM

𖹭 sally now has three kids, along with paul

𖹭 she's also worried whenever you have to go on quests, she makes you food and gets everything you need ready like omg I need sm like her

𖹭 you and percy have also definitely gone to some type of water park and just like,

𖹭 bullied all of the kids there with your water powers

𖹭 but then u guys get kicked out for being too loud and in the lifeguards words, "loitering"

𖹭 you both had to look that word up on Google afterwards

𖹭 percy and you also have sleepovers sooo often

𖹭 mr D at first tried to get you 2 to stop having them

𖹭 but you guys were like "we're siblings we share the same cabin wdym we have to be in different cabins 🤨🤨"

𖹭 percy and you also have beds set up in eachothers cabin that's just, yours or his bed

𖹭 and when you have the sleepovers, the two of you make the best pillow fort known to kind (you probably got the idea from annabeth)

𖹭 on the topic of annabeth, you two would emideantaly become besties

𖹭 percy will never tell either of you but he got a bit jealous of you guys when you first met

𖹭 you'll probably become friends with all of the 7 bc of your relationship with percy (I say that the 7 are all friends no one could make me think otherwise)

𖹭 percy and you have little hangouts where you chill at the bottom of the lake and just chat ab anything — even with the animals down there

𖹭 the two of you also have def went to an aquarium and made everyone think your psychos bc you talked to all of the animals there

𖹭 overall, percy thinks of you as his sibling, and loves knowing that you'll always have eachothers side <3

[x-liv25-jamieswife]

hawthorne weekly dinner head canons

this has been sitting in my drafts for so long (although i only started posting earlier this week, i've had a few posts in my drafts for a while) you can't tell me they don't have weekly dinners. they're all literally so cute. like i can just imagine the four brothers, avery, libby, max, and even rebecca and thea sometimes spending some time all together. i might make a part two bc i honestly love the idea of all of them spending time together at dinner.

max and xander are always talking about the weird things that happened to them that week (once, they managed to get stuck with a lion in a cage at the zoo)

libby and grayson usually cook the food together. xander will help libby make the desserts.

once grayson starts dating someone (lyra probably, for some reason i'm still not convinced they'll end up together), obviously she joins these little dinners.

avery sometimes forces alisa to stop working and join too. she slowly starts to get over nash bc of them (she realises she's a girlboss and doesn't need a man in her life (i hc that she's bi))

grayson really enjoys the meals. he slowly starts to loosen up and smile more (this makes everyone really happy).

they once dared avery to make the food one night, but she's a horrible cook so they just decided to order take out.

jamie, when the plates and everything have been taken away from the table, gets on top of it and starts twerking.

the dinners always lead to everyone settling down in the living room and watching movies/tv shows (in two other posts, i mentioned that xander, grayson, libby, and avery love medical dramas so they probably all just watch that)

rebecca doesn't really like socializing with so many people at once so she brings a book with her. thea notices her all lonely and starts to talk to her bc she's such a good gf (istg they're so cute together).

avery and jameson always sit next to each other and are touching each other (sometimes jamie has an arm wrapped around her shoulder, other times he's holding her hand or places his hand on her thigh.

grayson canonically loves photography, and so these dinners give him the opportunity to show his work. he also takes pictures of them at dinner

sometimes he'll also show everyone some piano pieces he composed (this guy most definitely plays the piano)

these dinner usually end up becoming games of truth or dares, never have i ever, two truths and a lie etc. these games reveal so many things about everyone. so people get to know each other better

libby always has a slew of funny stories about baby avery. avery's always blushing from embarrassment.

sometimes, thea's just on her phone the whole time replying to comments and stuff.

xander likes to sit next to grayson cause he likes to talk about his gadgets and, bc gray doesn't really speak, he can talk freely (gray loves hearing him talk about things he enjoys). xander also has max sitting on his other side so that he can talk to her too, but usually she's busy talking to avery and stuff

during one of these family dinners, they learned that gray had an emo phase when he was 11.

they also learned that avery used to be a hopeless romantic thanks to max and libby (the four brothers, thea, rebecca, and alisa were all shocked cause she doesn't seem like she would be one but then they realized it made sense)

during a game of truth or dare, jameson managed to bang his head so hard on the table he passed out (idk what the dare was)

libby tends to sit across grayson and they start talking about cooking and stuff.

grayson once forgot about the dinner but really wanted to attend. he couldn't find a shirt he liked though and he was so tired that he just showed up shirtless (everyone had no words)

sometimes, avery or one of the brothers will post pics of their dinners and fans always think it's adorable.

jamie and avery will talk about the trips they took together

nash loves to talk about taylor swift's easter eggs/cryptic posts, etc. max who's also a hard core swiftie joins in. the rest of the table, at some point, start to like talking about these easter eggs too, and it becomes a huge thing (i hc that all of them were already swifties prior to these dinners. some less addicted to her music than others though)

they all like reading (except for thea, she doesn't get the point of it) so they start talking about thebooks they like or are currently reading.

at one of these family dinners, its revealed that nash reads smut (people already knew max and xander read smut already cause they aren't ashamed to talk about the weird shit they read)

max is always threatening avery to reveal all of her dirty secrets (they've been friends since childhood, of course max knows things about avery that no one else does)

at first, libby was kinda shy to talk at the table bc she felt like people didn't really care about what she had to say (fuck you drake, it's all cause of him) so nash started comforting her and encouraging her to talk. grayson overheard the conversation and started a conversation with her to encourage her. he told her that she was part of the family whether she wanted to or not, and people wanted to talk to her (she teared up).

sometimes, when libby gets anxious about speaking, nash will put his hand on her thigh and hype her up.

at first, grayson was so happy to have these dinners and be surrounded with people that love him that he would start to tear up in bed at night. over time, he started to accept that these people would always be in his life and stopped crying at night.

if anyone has requests, feel free to leave them! hope you guys like these <3. also here's a little seating plan i made for fun :) when lyra joins someday, she sits between gray and rebecca.

[evansbby]

What would Steve do if Omega went and got a job behind his back after she completed college? 😂 like Rosey is in school so she becomes the assistant of someone in her field especially if her boss was an alpha 😏 (imagine if her boss was Ari 😂😂)

I don’t think omega does anything without Steve’s permission 😭😭

But you’re inside my head bc ofc I’ve been thinking of scenarios like this!!! I can imagine them having a fight over it bc she really wants to get a job bc she feels restless at home now that Rosie has started preschool. Steve wants to have another baby and omega says she wants to try working first. Steve is super against this and doesn’t want her to work at all, especially now that he’s the senator and they’re in the public eye— he wants his wife to be a mother and housewife first and above all. So he puts his foot down.

Then omega goes behind his back and just starts applying for jobs for the heck of it… just to see if she’d be accepted. She applies for one job which she’s UNDER-qualified for and she gets it which makes her suspicious and she realises all these places only want to hire her bc of her last name (Rogers) and the fact that she’s the senator’s wife.

SO THEN she starts applying using her maiden name and she keeps getting rejections 🥲🥲 Turns out nobody wants to hire an omega in a job “more well suited for alphas.” This makes her really sad. THENNN I can imagine her getting finally accepted to a job at a female-run publishing house as a publishing assistant and she’s sooo happy! She tells Steve, and explains how she only has to go in two days a week and the rest is work from home.

Steve is… not thrilled. In fact, he gets angry bc how dare she apply with her maiden name bc that’s not her surname anymore. And how dare she go behind his back because she’s not allowed to do that. He asks her how she plans to do this job when she gets pregnant again because he DOES plan to get her pregnant again, like, as soon as possible.

Omega says she would like to wait another year before having another baby, so she can gain experience working. Steve is NOT having it (he’s in especially a bad mood bc of work stress and all that). So he just slams the door and leaves and sits and stews in his home office. Omega gets paranoid that he hates her and will leave her (although not that much, only a little bit bc she’s healing now) so she tells him she’s sorry and she won’t accept the job and she loves her family and loves him and if it makes him that upset, she’ll sacrifice the job to do what he says bc she knows that marriage means you have to sacrifice certain things.

But then STEVE (who has calmed down) feels bad bc he hates how sad she looks and he knows she’s been through so much and how could he really deny her from this happiness? There’s an internal war going on in his head because on one hand, he’s her alpha and his word is law and he shouldn’t be made to feel bad for putting his foot down. Tons of his friends and family keep their omegas under very tight control. He doesn’t want to be seen as lenient! But then he ultimately decides he doesn’t care, and that he wants her to be happy.

So he does a thorough background check on this publishing house, and is secretly pleased that the staff is all women (that’s a big deciding factor in letting her work there). And turns out, it helps him gain public favour too, bc Senator Steve Roger’s wife is not only the perfect submissive housewife and mother, but she is also a working woman! So Steve gets praised in the media for allowing her to work.

AJDJSKAK idk if this is canon bc although I like this, I also love the idea of omega being a traditional housewife and having baby after baby with Steve 🥹🥹 so let’s just call this a brainstorm idea draft whatever, but not officially canon! But not unofficial either! What do you guys think??