#bc why not make combat even harder for myself

[glove23]

what dnd actual play shows don't show u are just the long stretches of silence while ur players take notes/look through their things and the DM just stares off into space contemplating how little they prepared for the session

[daz4i]

possibly controversial opinion under the cut

lemme preface this by saying that i think genAI sucks and is stealing in everything but name and i don't think shit like gpt should exist

with that out of the way. it feels to me like the discussions around ai generated fics fall flat bc the people making the arguments against them don't seem to realize why people "write" them in the first place

like. most ppl who generate fics do it for their personal entertainment. if they post it i noticed it's more of a "might as well" thing. but generally it doesn't seem to be for easy clout (especially since. if they disclose that it's ai they're only gonna get hate. but they still do reveal it so i think it's more of a case of not realizing what's wrong with it)

i see the whole "if it's worth reading then it's worth writing" thing or calling them too lazy to write their own fics and this absolutely misses the point imo

like. as others have said in the past. when you're an artist it's basically second nature for you. it seems like an obvious thing that anyone can do. needless to say, the same is ofc true about writing as well

but that's not the case for other ppl - most people, in fact. many think that they're not good writers or straight up don't know how to even approach writing a story (especially a fanfic where you gotta adhere to predetermined characterization). and i think commonly, in fandom spaces, these are the ones who make ai fics (from what i've seen at least. i could be wrong and atp it did turn into a clout thing. idk)

and it's easy to say "make an effort" but 1 some ppl just don't have time or energy 2 for some ppl no matter how hard they try it'll likely not work for a variety of reasons 3 sometimes you just don't like your writing. and you don't have money to commission a fic of your idea

this isn't me defending them. as i said i think generative ai is theft. my point is, you can't actually open a discussion about it with the ppl who do it who might genuinely not understand what's wrong with it, when you don't understand WHY they do it in the first place. you won't convince them to drop gpt and open a word document by calling them lazy or saying their ideas are pointless if they don't bother putting effort into them

[as a side note that imo is relevant to this topic, i think most ppl who use character ai to roleplay with are just shy ngl. especially when they wanna rp as themselves rather than a canon character which not only makes it harder if not impossible to find a partner, it also adds a layer of vulnerability that they understandably might not want to share with a stranger or even a friend (setting aside how these bots probably collect whatever information you give them bc idk if these ppl are even aware of that). all that in addition to it generally being hard to find a partner, often someone in your age groups, who also wants to play the same scenarios as you. like unless you're super lucky you likely won't find a replacement for character ai that isn't just roleplaying with yourself]

i think the main ways to combat this mentality are

1. encourage commissioning writers (like. i myself did not know it's a thing until i was relatively old. this is absolutely not as common as commissioning art, especially for people who aren't actively involved in writer's communities, which these people clearly aren't. so raise awareness or turn them to your writer friends who take commissions)

2. explain the harm of generative ai without attacking the character of those who use it. most people, when insulted, don't exactly become excited to listen to what else you have to say (this is true abt so many things tbh. but especially when it comes to fandom stuff where community is the whole point). some might even double down out of spite. a lot of these people are young, too, and i don't think being bullied by online strangers would help combat this behavior beyond making them so afraid to ever make a mistake again that they'll leave fandom altogether

3. if someone's showing willingness - saying they use ai bc they genuinely don't know how to approach writing - just give them tips and references for how to start, if you want. if there is any seasoned writer reading this who has a lot of guides and references on hand, maybe it's worth putting them all together in a masterpost aimed directly at ai writers who might genuinely want to try to write themselves but don't know how

like any online discussion (and. many irl issues. but i don't wanna make this post too heavy), sympathy and trying to get where the other side is coming from would yield way better results than using ppl's mistakes as a way to be smug about your moral high ground (sorry if that sounds combative, i genuinely don't know how to phrase this more nicely 😭 bc this is what most of these posts seem like to me. many of them even openly admitting so)

[i may sound touchy bc, like, while i would never use genAI to write fics for me, i genuinely understand where these ppl are coming from. i hate my writing and if i ever actually manage to finish a story i never read it myself except maybe years later when i'm able to forget that i was the one who wrote it. the prospect of being able to just generate my ideas into an already written story for me to read sounds very enticing, but it's not currently an option (even if i wanted to commission someone to write an idea for me, it'd probably cost a fortune since most of them are long as fuck, or just require too much of my own tweaking in order for it to fit what i have in mind to the point it almost seems pointless to involve another person in the process), at least not in an ethical way that doesn't take away from actual writers. but. yeah. if i come off as sensitive in this post, that's why lol]

[transflynnscifo]

ohh ok moon mod again, sending as an ask both so I don't have to spam the others but also I do have more questions actually! mostly abt gameplay, bc if it does genuinely go on sale (i saw it's at like $10 rn omg?) i might look into buying and playing it myself

ill bullet point these lmao

what exactly is the gameplay: turn-based, open world, fighting game where it's open-world but not im not sure how to put it, puzzle solving, etc? I'm assuming it's like a fighting game that pulls you in a small arena, but elaboration is appreciated :0

does it,, go on sale on steam or is it purely for the switch it goes on sale? if you know, i totally understand why you might not

thank you once again :'D !!

hello hello!! thank you for asking!!

tov's gameplay uses a "linear motion battle system" which is reminiscent of a fighting game, but you have 4 characters fighting agsinst the enemy. you control one either on semi-auto (which leaves you Locked onto your target), or manual, where controls are harder but it means making a Huge fancy combo out of your controlled character!

the game is open world consisting of the following: the field, towns, and dungeons. you walk around the field (you may encounter enemies as you make your way in the world), you interact with npc and whatnot in towns, while you travel in dungeons and encounter enemies there too.

theres a lot of freedom in how to manage your party members in battles, including the skill system, equipable weapons, battle settings where you can tell the ai how to attack/where to move/etc, and you can even toggle which Attacks they can use. its pretty flexible and each character fullfils different roles! judith for example is aerial combos but is also close combat that you canbhave fun running with!

fights themselves occur in a small circular space when an Encounter happens which does remind a bit of an arena! but only boss fights take a while to beat. some dungeons have a tiny bit of puzzle solving and whatnot but even if you get stuck we have folk online who have put out solutions readily.

honestly the most puzzling aspect of the game is one thing it has kept from Ye Olde style of jrpgs: needing a guide if you want to 100%. not even just to 100%! the game has a few infamous instances of missable sidequests, events that have a limit as to when you can trigger them at latest. one of which is ACTUALLY a judith sidequest. i have done a 100% playthrough twice and i personally did not mind it much but in that regard i am not reliable, i like the challenge of it LMAO

i have good news for you: steam is where it almost always goes on sale! now i have to say that apparently its the steam port that has had the most difficulties with lag and all but ive only played less than 10 hours on the steam version so far. i would say its fine but its definitely better suited for a controller though o7

on the steam version someone managed to create a little file you can put into the steam files that lets you have character outfits from unused and cut content, or even outfits that did not make it from the ps3 version of the game (karol, a boy in the party, had a literal keroro outfit. huge frog outfit really changes the atmosphere of some scenes its hilarious)

feel free to ask more if desired :D

[snoopybleedstoo]

(unimportant) DOOM games ranking top 6

I recently got really into the DOOM series and I love each game very much so I put them in order of favorites as a simple top 6 list. I think i've played all of the main DOOM games, now including DOOM 3 6 - Doom 2016

honestly I really want to like this game more, but I'm biased since I played Eternal before this one. I enjoyed Eternal more overall, I think this Doom looks awesome but the combat is worse than in its sequel. After finishing this Doom I didn't really want to play it again but it's still cool. (Update) I play this Doom when I'm switching between games a lot, I actually enjoy it the more I play it and have beaten it a couple of times now. There is no bad Doom game

5 - Doom 3 (+resurrection of evil/lost mission)

I love Doom 3, I held off from playing it because I heard it wasn't great but I was wrong. I still come back to this game because I love the way it looks and feels. I liked everything about it, and I even liked the stupid Doom movie kind of based on this game with Dwayne Johnson and Kurt Urban.

4 - Doom II (+final doom)

This game is tempting to place above the og, but I like this one less for how much more effort it makes me put into it. I love this game bc it's harder, but it takes up more time than blasting thru D1.

BUT D2's expansion add-ons are amazing. The supershotgun and demons in this Doom are so cool I could shit. The levels are good, but I feel they're not as great as the ones put together for the first game. The first time I played tricks and traps or barrels of fun I enjoyed myself, but after a couple runs through the game it fucking sucks.

3 - Doom 1993 (+ultimate doom/sigil)

Nothing fucking beats doom but doom, guys. I love the original even more than the sequel. It feels nostalgic even though I haven't known about the series until 2024.

2 - Doom Eternal (+ancient gods I/II)

Eternal is the third Doom game I played after D2 and I was off my fucking rocker. It was so cool I was freaking out when I saw the soul sphere in 3D looking like the original. I loved Eternal because it feels great to play, it looks amazing, the demons look alike to their original designs, there's so much to collect and interact with, the upgraded weapon mods and praetor suit systems, etc. I don't reeally consider any of the Doom lore besides the first game super important but I thought the new stuff was interesting to read into. I was super confused about who the fuck dr. hayden was tho.

1 - Doom 64

Doom 64 is like a combo of the original two and Doom 3, which technically it is. I have played this game over and over again, I don't know why I love it so much. It's easier than the first two games and I'm disappointed the demons that were planned didn't all make it into the game. It's badass and it's eerie though. I played Eternal for hours to unlock the D64 marine skinpack.

[redinkofshame]

D&D stuff. I'm the DM.

So proud of myself right now.

So waaay back long ago (over a year irl but it's only been like a couple months MAYBE in D&D time bc D&D time is slow af) my players fought some owlbears. My players don't immediately jump to violence but these poor creatures, who were escaped lab experiments and thus the only owlbears in existence, were too angry and full of pain for the druid to reason with, and so they were killed. Even though this was pretty much a mercy killing, I still decided to put an egg in the owlbear nest when they found it, to make them feel bad.

Mistake.

Spouse's character is a young tiefling going Through It and is pretty much just a raw nerve of emotion at all times. Her name is Liliana and not only did she feel so bad she saved the egg, but she KEPT the egg. Despite the party's main quest giver being a high positioned wizard who has shown interest in magical creatures and is about 10,000x more prepared to care for this only-one-in-existence owlbear egg.

So Liliana has been carrying this thing around like a third boob to keep it warm and protecting it with her life, casting guidance on it every 6 second whenever she's not doing something else because she wants little Sebastian (the egg) to grow up Big and Strong. (Spouse named it Sebastian, but I started calling it Li'l Sebastian and Spouse, not being a Parks and Rec fan, did not get the joke and it caught on.)

Spouse has expended many turns and spell slots in combat to keep it safe. Did an entire combat once where a hag grabbed the egg, turned invisible, and hid at the bottom of a pond!! And they still rescued the fucking thing crazy fast. This isn't a Sprinkles situation, where the party forgets the animal companion is even there -- Sebastian is ALWAYS mentioned, taken care of, and protected. Fucking Togepi fucker.

Additionally, Spouse is great at keeping Liliana out of danger. I have sworn that I will get that egg!! She'll get hit and it's going to break!!! >:3 But actually I can never fucking get her. She stays in the back, the creatures are too show, she is ALWAYS somehow out of harm's way even during ambushes, and fool that I was I let her spend her feat to get Misty Step. They VERY FEW times I've actually managed to fucking hit her I've rolled to see if it hits/hurts the egg, but nothing lasting has ever come of it.

Until last session.

Leliana got hit MULTIPLE times, I'm still not entirely sure why. Additionally, Spouse CRITICALLY FAILED his post-battle check to see if the egg was damaged! And then, AND THEN, Liliana didn't heal it before their long rest!! Other times Liliana would use a heal whenever maybe the egg maybe got hit, just to be safe, but this time she didn't!!

It was my time to shine. See, I had already decided that this was the morning where the players would wake up to the egg hatching. But since it was set up so perfectly that Sebastian could have gotten hurt and not healed at all for the very first time, and I've been clear about my vendetta against this egg, I was able to make Spouse/Liliana think that waking up to Sebastian's shell falling apart was because she failed him, and it was glorious.

It only lasted until the druid looked at it, obviously, and it was very satisfying.

And now she has to protect an owlbear cub instead of just an egg, which is so much harder. ʕ⁠  ͡⁠°⁠ ⁠ᴥ⁠ ⁠ ͡⁠°⁠ ⁠ʔ

[reidamancy]

too soon || spencer reid

summary: When you wake up in the hospital, buried feelings arise and you must now make a difficult decision. (spencer reid x fem!reader)

category: angst

warnings: detailed descriptions of kidnapping, mentions of guns and drugs, mild cursing

word count: 5.6k

a/n: this was really a struggle to write bc i hated how it kept turning out, but now after a month since i posted Too Late, i’m finally happy with it! this is the longest fic i’ve ever written and i hope it did Too Late justice (although i think i still like Too Late better lol)

MASTERLIST

(part one, part two)

(ICYMI: read part one here)

“I’m here, Y/N, I’m here.”

His voice echoed through your mind as you slowly gained consciousness. You smiled as you felt his hand in yours and you gave it a squeeze.

You slowly opened your eyes and greeted the blurry figure beside you. “Spencer,” you whispered with a smile.

“Spencer? Who’s Spencer?”

Your vision refocused as you looked over and saw that the figure was actually your boyfriend Connor. Your eyes widened in shock and embarrassment as you tried to laugh it off. “Sorry, he was the last person I saw.”

Guilt washed over you at once. During this entire ordeal, your boyfriend hadn’t even crossed your mind. Connor must have been so worried about you... while all you could think about was Spencer. You shut your eyes and attempted to shake the thoughts of your ex away, but much to your dismay, they stayed.

Your shallow laughs were cut off with a wince as the pain in your body hit you at once. You grimaced as you placed a hand over your stomach, trying to sublimate the pain. Connor looked at you with concerned eyes, but you waived it off. “It’s okay, I’m okay.” 

Connor shook his head as his eyes filled up with tears. He grabbed your hand and kissed the back of it. “No, you’re not, Y/N.” He leaned over and placed another kiss on your forehead. “Oh God, I thought I lost you,” he whispered as he leaned his forehead on yours. 

You smiled as you leaned into your boyfriend only to feel... nothing. You tried to combat the guilt swirling in your stomach by forcing the butterflies and happiness you felt whenever Connor was around. He’s your boyfriend, why doesn’t it feel like it? 

You bit your lip at your guilty conscience as Connor sat back and ran a hand through your hair. The tension in the air was suffocating; between Connor’s intense stare of worry to your seemingly absent feelings, you had to lighten the mood.

“You’re not getting rid of me that easily.” You quipped, laughing.

Connor’s face softened as his laughter joined yours. You heard footsteps enter the room and when you looked to see who it was, your eyes lit up. You ignored your heart’s flutters as you exclaimed, “There’s the man who saved my life!”

You tried your best to mask the overwhelming emotions that erupted once you saw Spencer. You overcompensated your guilty feelings by enthusiastically introducing your ex to your boyfriend. “Spencer, I want you to meet Connor. My boyfriend.”

You cringed at your tone as soon as the words left your mouth. Maybe you were too enthusiastic... And you were too caught up in your own delivery that you didn’t notice Spencer’s face fall. 

But your boyfriend was none the wiser as he walked towards Spencer.

“I owe you the biggest thank you. I don’t know what I’d do without her.” Connor extended his hand for a handshake, but Spencer just nodded at him. 

Spencer gave a tight smile and cleared his throat. “I should uh, I should give you two some privacy.” His eyes stayed on the ground and his voice was weak. He gave you a quick glance and said, “Glad to see you’re awake, Y/N.” before swiftly leaving the room.

Connor sat back down next to you and said, “So that’s Spencer.”

You gave a slight nod and looked away. 

---

Connor left to get lunch, leaving you alone with your thoughts. Seeing Spencer for the first time prompted a confusing set of emotions to bubble up inside of you. You were relieved to see him again; he saved your life and now you could properly thank him. 

But you couldn’t deny that what you were feeling was more than that. 

Why was your first instinct to call your ex-boyfriend, of all the people in the world? And why did your heart leap just at the sight of him? You thought you had buried these feelings long ago but right now, you felt the same as you did six months ago. It was as if your voicemail opened a Pandora box of hidden emotions. Now you just needed to find a way to close it.

Because you couldn’t afford to be thinking this way. You had a boyfriend now. Just thinking of Spencer in a different light felt like a betrayal, and you couldn’t do that to Connor. 

Besides, with all the feelings that Spencer brought back, he also brought back all the pain. No matter how much your heart longed for him, you couldn’t ignore the heartbreak that resurfaced with every thought of Spencer Reid. 

You couldn’t go down that road again. Spencer made no effort to fix what you two had after the fight, so why should you be pining after a man who doesn’t want you back? And you had to stay loyal to Connor; you can’t be thinking about your ex like this. You’ve moved on. He’s moved on.

Just then, the door swung open and a familiar mop of brown curls walked in. You pushed down your conflicting feelings and politely smiled at him. “Hi, Spencer.”

Spencer looked at you and cleared his throat. He looked disheveled, and he carried a large paper pad with him. “Hi Y/N,” he said then cleared his throat. “How are you feeling?” He asked, voice soft.

“Like I just got stabbed by a serial killer.” You deadpanned.

Spencer visibly swallowed and lowered his eyes.

You regretted your answer as soon as you saw him sulk. “Too soon?” You nervously laughed. “It was a joke, Spencer. All things considered, I’m fine.”

Spencer looked back at you and slowly nodded, staying silent. 

You glanced down at the pad he was holding. “I’m assuming you’re here on business?”

He nodded. “I’m here for your police report.”

“Oh, right,” you nodded. “I didn’t know the FBI did those.”

“I volunteered.” He glanced at you before immediately looking back down at his papers. “I uh, I thought you would want a familiar face.”

You did, and you appreciated it. “Thank you.” You smiled.

He gave a curt smile and continued. “Are you ready now or should I come back later?”

You took a deep breath and nodded. “I’m ready.”

“So tell me exactly what happened.”

You sighed as you let yourself recall the most traumatic moment of your life. “I was at the grocery store.” You set the scene again in your mind, trying to remember everything for him. “I finished putting all my bags in the trunk. I went around to the front door. I just opened it. But before I could sit down-” You took a sharp breath, the memories overwhelming you.

“It’s okay, Y/N, take your time.” His voice was sweet as he comforted you. You shut your eyes to calm yourself, trying to ground yourself with the sound of his voice.

“He uh, he put a towel over my mouth and a gun against my back. I froze, I, I should have fought but I couldn’t move and I tried not to breathe, but I couldn’t hold it any longer. I don’t know what I was breathing in but I knew-” A cry interrupted you and a tear ran down your cheek. You hadn’t even realized you started crying. 

A pained expression took over Spencer’s face. He raised his hand towards you but quickly recoiled when he realized what he was doing. He settled on just placing his hand on the side of your bed, lightly patting the hospital mattress. His hands were close, but not touching, your own. 

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t apologize, Y/N.” His voice was a whisper. 

You shut your eyes and cleared your throat, pushing through. “I knew I was in trouble,” you choked out. “Next thing I knew, I was waking up in his car. There was duct tape over my mouth. And my hands and feet were in zip ties, Spencer.” You cried as your voice broke. 

Spencer bit his lip, unsure of where the boundaries were to comfort you. He decided to innocently place his hand on top of yours. You silently thanked him for the gesture.

“I saw everything. I know which streets he went on and what turns he took. I saw the numbers on the building when he got to the warehouse. I don’t even think he knew I was awake.” Another tear ran down your cheek. Spencer’s intense gaze never left your face. You avoided his stare, but if you didn’t, you would’ve seen the immense worry in his eyes.

You took a breath before you began again. “When we got there, he carried me into this room. I tried to fight him, I tried so hard. But he was just too strong,” you cried. Your heart was racing as you remembered the fear and adrenaline you felt in that moment. “And his voice, I- I can’t forget his voice.”

Your abductor’s voice echoed in your mind as you repeated his words to Spencer.

“My, my, look what we have here.”

“You’re a pretty little thing, aren’t ya?”

“Aw, it’s just you and me now. Unless you want someone to help you?”

Your eyes were squeezed shut as his laughter rang in your ears.

“Doesn’t matter. They’ll never get here in time.”

By now, you noticed Spencer had grasped your fingers in his hand. The action was comforting. 

“He- he hit me with his gun and said, ‘Don’t try anything.’” Your head throbbed a little harder as you recalled his strike. “Then he gave me a phone and said, ‘No police. Make sure they answer.’ So, I- I called you.”

You brought yourself to look into his eyes. Tears fell from your eyes and you noticed his were glossy.

“Why?” Spencer asked.

You were taken aback by the question. You ignored the heat rising to your cheeks as you answered, “You’re an FBI agent.”

Spencer stared at you, his eyes narrowed.

You broke away from his gaze.

“Don’t do that.” You said, eyes fixed on his hand on top of yours.

“Do what?”

You brought your eyes back up to his face. “You’re profiling me.”

Spencer opened and closed his mouth, as if he were debating on what to say. “I told myself I’d never forgive you, but the truth is I already have. I can’t leave without you knowing that.” He was reciting your voicemail. “Is that true?”

Your breath hitched in your throat. You stayed silent as your eyes remained on your hand in Spencer’s. You weren’t thinking of the repercussions when you uttered the last words of your voicemail. You just knew you needed him to hear it, even if it was the last he’d ever hear from you. 

But now that Spencer was in front of you, asking for answers, you froze. This was a conversation you never planned on having, and you weren’t sure how to navigate it.

Spencer acknowledged your silence and leaned forward, disregarding his paper pad. “Y/N,” he whispered, voice soft. You avoided his eyes, feeling more tears already starting to form. “I listened to that voicemail 167 times. I memorized every word, every breath, I... Please, Y/N. Tell me I’m over-analyzing. Tell me my emotions are biasing my profiling skills. Tell me the only reason you called was because of my job.” His voice was stern, masking his hurt. If you were looking at him, you would have seen the tears in his eyes and saw that he was practically begging you to alleviate his pain.

But in your mind, all you heard was a cry from a man who didn’t want anything to do with you.

Tears fell from your eyes as you shook your head. You wanted to tell him you only called him because he’s an FBI agent. It’d only be fair. You’d go back to Connor, he’d go back to living his life. You’d both be able to move on. But it wasn’t the truth. 

Deep down, you knew you said those words to him for a reason; there was still so much left unsaid. And as afraid as you were to expose your raw emotions to him, you opted for vulnerability because it was impossible to leave this alone. 

Your voice was strained as you whispered, “I can’t.” 

“I thought I was going to die, Spencer.” You looked at him with teary eyes and were surprised to see his expression mirrored your own. “When he gave me the phone, you were the first person I thought of. I needed to talk to you one last time; there was so much I haven’t said, so much I needed to say, to you and I wasn’t thinking when I dialed. I called you because I needed you, Spencer. Not your badge.”

You let out a sniffle as the pace of your words quickened. “I wasn’t thinking,” you repeated. “I didn’t realize I was calling you until I heard your answering machine. Then everything came back to me. Your job, our memories. You gave me hope, Spencer.” You were rambling, desperate to justify your call before he could shut you down. “So I gave you clues, thinking maybe I could get out of there. But just in case it didn’t work out, I told you what I needed you to hear the most,” you sobbed. “And I know, I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have called, I-”

“I never stopped loving you, Y/N.” Spencer interrupted you and confessed for the second time. He had heard all he needed to hear, and he couldn’t stand another minute without telling you. 

You froze. “What?” You breathed.

Your mind was rampant, emotions were bouncing around inside of you as your thoughts scattered.

He, he loved you. He still loves you. This changes everything. You had prepared for your resurfaced love of Spencer to go unrequited. Although a part of you longed to feel that way again, you had accepted that you lost that feeling the day you lost Spencer. You were prepared to rebury your love, but he feels the same way. How could you dismiss your feelings for him if he feels the same way?

He loves you? He can’t. Not after what he put you through. How can he say he loved you, that he never stopped loving you, after breaking your heart six months ago? How could he have loved you while you were struggling to put yourself back together in the aftermath of your relationship? It took so long for you to heal after him, and now he’s claimed to have loved you this entire time?!

“It was never you, Y/N, I-”

You took your hand out of his grasp. “No, no, Spencer. You can’t do this to me.” 

“Y/N, I’m sorry-”

“No! Do you remember the last thing you said to me?!” You held your hand over your chest as you looked at him through teary eyes.

Spencer sighed and lowered his head in shame. “Yes.” he whispered.

“Spencer, just talk to me!”

“Leave me alone, Y/N!”

Both of your minds remembered your last fight at the same time. 

It was late, you had shown up to his apartment uninvited that day. You suggested a spontaneous movie or a quick late-night dinner. He shot you down. Up until then you had tried everything, but the man in front of you was still a stranger in the shell of Spencer Reid. So after weeks of negligence, the two of you got into a screaming match in his apartment.

“I have left you alone, Spence!” You yelled through your tears. “It’s been three weeks. I’ve given you space, time, I’ve kept my distance, but enough is enough! Please, I’m just trying to help you!”

“I never asked for your help!”

“Well, can you help me Spencer?” You were sobbing now, but Spencer’s expression didn’t soften. “I haven’t felt your touch in weeks, when you’re home you feel so far away, you don’t talk to me anymore, hell you won’t even look at me!”

“Then stop being so fucking clingy.” He sneered in your face.

“Clingy?!” You screamed. “Is it clingy to want a relationship with my boyfriend?! I don’t even know who you are anymore!”

Spencer glared at you and you tried one more time. “Please, Spencer. I just want to fix us. I don’t know what happened when you were away but if you’d just let me-”

“I don’t.”

“You don’t...?”

“I don’t want to fix us.”

Your breath had hitched and your heart dropped. “You don’t mean that.”

“Oh yeah? And how would you know? You don’t know me anymore apparently.”

“Spence, I, I love you, and I know you’re going through a hard time-”

“I don’t.”

Hot tears silently fell down your cheeks. You had to be sure what he was saying, even if it broke your heart. “You don’t... what?”

“Love you.”

You bit your lip as a sob racked through your body. “You’re upset. I’m going to leave, and we can talk in the morning.” You turned your back towards him as you began to open the door. But his voice interrupted your action and broke your heart in one sentence.

“Yeah, don’t even bother coming back.”

Tears were now streaming down Spencer’s face as he said, “I didn’t mean it, Y/N. You have to know-”

“No, Spencer. What I know is you broke my heart. You don’t get to come back and tell me you loved me all along. It isn’t fair.”

“No, what isn’t fair is you clearly still have feelings for me and you’re not letting me reciprocate them!” Spencer’s voice raised in pitch as he increasingly became exasperated.

“I, I never said that.” You scoffed, feeling the dryness in your throat. 

“You didn’t have to.” Spencer whispered. He licked his lips and leaned forward. “Y/N, your pupils are dilated. Your pulse is 30% higher than usual.”

Your brows furrowed in confusion as to how he knew that. But then you became acutely aware of the heart-rate monitor behind you and it made sense. You steadied your breathing, attempting to calm down and rid yourself of these involuntary tells. 

He lowered his eyes and bit his lip, “And when I told you I still loved you, your demeanor completely changed. You didn’t have to say anything, Y/N, I...”

“Spencer, stop.”

“You’re probably confused. A near death experience combined with the emotions of a past relationship-”

“Spencer, please.”

“Maybe I have confirmation bias, but everything points to you still having feelings-”

“Spencer, I don’t want to feel this way!” You half-shouted at him.

Your words hung in the air as both of you processed them. The two of you stared at each other, letting out heavy breaths at the intense atmosphere.

“What?” He breathed.

“I don’t want to feel this way, Spencer.” You shook your head as more tears escaped you. “Spencer, you broke me. I truly thought you were the one, but you didn’t even give us the chance. I don’t know what happened, but I would’ve gone through anything with you, Spencer. We could have worked through it together. If you had just let me...” You trailed off as sobs racked your body.

Spencer hung his head as tears fell into his lap.

“Did you know I came back the next morning?” You croaked. You heard a small gasp from Spencer and continued, “I don’t know why. I was staring at your door, trying to knock, but I couldn’t do it.”

“Y/N, why didn’t you tell me? I would’ve...” Spencer started but he trailed off. Even he knew that at that point in time, he would have only hurt you more than he already had.

“What was I supposed to think Spencer? You ignored me for weeks, and when we finally talked, you told me to leave. You obviously didn’t want me there anymore. But I wanted to knock, I wanted to knock so bad. I just, I couldn’t handle being shot down again. So I left.”

You swiped away the tears on your face. “And I figured you’d call me if you wanted to talk again. But you never did. And I had my answer.”

Spencer let out a sob. “I didn’t know it yet, but I needed you.”

“And I needed you, Spencer. Those weeks before our breakup were hell. All I wanted was my boyfriend back.” You cried.

“But I’m here now, Y/N.” Spencer breathed and you shook your head. He continued through his tears and said, “I’m here and I still love you as much as I did back then. You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me. All I could ever think about was you and how I lost you...” Spencer’s voice became a whisper. He grabbed your hand. You let him. 

“I wasn’t in my right mind, Y/N. I became addicted to dilaudid and I pushed everyone away because I thought I could handle it by myself. But that’s when I needed you the most. If I could take it all back, if I could take back all the pain I’ve caused, I would. I’m so so sorry for hurting you, Y/N.” Spencer sobbed.

“It took me so long to heal from you, Spencer.” you cried. “I can’t go down that road again... but for some reason my heart can’t let you go.” You stared at your hands as you gave into temptation and slowly interlocked your fingers through his. You could hear Spencer’s breath hitch at the small action. He squeezed your hand and the two of you looked at each other with teary eyes. 

“Why can’t I get over you? Why do I still love you even after you broke my heart? I don’t want to feel this way. There are so many reasons I shouldn’t be feeling this way.” You cried. “But I just can’t help it.” You looked up at him through damp lashes and saw him biting his lip.

“I never should have let you walk through that door. I miss us, Y/N. I didn’t know how much I needed you in my life until you left. Please, Y/N. I’ve tried to move on, but I just couldn’t. It’s you, Y/N, it’s always been you. And even after all this time, I still love you... It’s scary how much I still love you.”

“You didn’t tell me he was your ex.” A voice interrupted you and your head jerked towards the door to see Connor standing at the entrance. 

You snatched your hand out of Spencer’s as you stammered, “Con- Connor! How long have you...”

“Long enough.” He rolled his eyes. “Look Y/N. I am no one’s rebound, and I am definitely no one’s second choice.” Connor scoffed. “Here’s your lunch.” He dropped one of his bags down on a nearby chair and left the room. 

“Connor!” You called out to him but it was too late. You sighed as you leaned back against your hospital bed. 

You wiped the tears from your cheeks as you looked over at Spencer. He licked his lips and quietly said, “But I understand if I’m too late. Time changes people. Just say the word, and I’ll leave you alone.” He got up to leave but you reached for his arm. 

“Spencer,” you stopped him. He looked back at you, completely broken. You blinked the tears out of your eyes but no words came out. The two of you stood, frozen in time with unspoken words written over your faces. 

You weren’t sure what you wanted to say. You wanted to say something, anything.

But when no words left your mouth, he gave you a small nod then left the room. 

You were still frozen, your hand in the same position it was when it was on his arm. Your mind was scattered and your heart was torn. What just happened?

---

You stayed in the hospital for two more days. Since then you had a few visitors, but none from the two men you needed to see the most. 

It gave you time to think. You now held two hearts in your hands and you weren’t sure what to do.

With Connor, he was a safe choice. And he was still your boyfriend. Just the thought of betraying him and getting back with your ex didn’t sit right with you at all. Connor was a good guy, he was smart, cute, funny, and a total sweetheart. Not to mention, he was there to pick up the pieces that Spencer left behind. How could you betray him after all of that and go running back to your ex?

But Connor was a temporary high that could never compare to the way Spencer made you feel. Spencer was your greatest love. He showed you what love was supposed to be; Spencer Reid was everything you wanted in a man and more. Your relationship with Spencer was a whirlwind of emotions, and the two of you had a love you could only dream about... up until the last month. 

But were you willing to overlook that, in the name of true love? The spark between you and Spencer was undeniable, but the foundation of a committed relationship was lacking: trust. You didn’t know if you could trust him with your heart again. And the worst part, Spencer Reid had so much power over you because you were still undeniably head over heels for the young genius. 

But could you could forget about him and continue living your life with Connor? Maybe one day you and Connor could have what you and Spencer had. Or maybe you never will. Was it worth the risk?

You looked back on all the memories you shared with Connor, looking for a sign, any sign to stay. You were desperate to protect your heart from more heartache, even if it meant losing Spencer. You thought back to the beginning of your relationship and tried to remember the blissful feeling Connor gave you. How he brought out butterflies in your stomach and made your heart skip a beat. But that’s when you realized that euphoria you used to feel was nothing but a distant memory. Your entire relationship with Connor was based on a short-lived infatuation. An infatuation that ended the minute you dialed Spencer.

Because the entire time, Connor was a distraction from your feelings for Spencer. Connor may have masked your feelings for your ex, but they were still there. They always were. At that point, it was undeniable. You knew you had to follow your heart.

---

After you were discharged from the hospital, you knew exactly what to do. Your plan was simple: you’d make a quick stop before going to straight to Spencer’s apartment. But there was one factor you didn’t take into account. It was the first time you’ve been truly alone since the abduction. You caught yourself looking over your shoulder multiple times, and your heart raced as you rode on the subway. Everyday acts became daunting, and the task at hand didn’t help to calm your nerves.

It felt like years before you found yourself staring at Spencer’s apartment door. Your heart was still beating out of your chest as you stared at his apartment number. You took a deep breath and remembered the last time you were standing here. You weren’t going to make the same mistake again.

You knocked. 

There was the quiet patter of footsteps behind the door, and you felt your heart rate pick up as the shadows came closer. 

Finally the door swung open, and a tired-looking Spencer answered. Once you saw him, you couldn’t hold it in anymore; you immediately burst into tears. 

“Y/N?” He said your name in confusion before instinctively pulling you into a warm hug.

He backtracked when he realized his hug might have been unwelcome, but when you rested your head against his shoulder, he instantly relaxed as he pulled you into a full embrace. He pulled you into his apartment and shut the door, giving the two of you some privacy. 

He held you close as your tears flowed, his hands silently comforting you. You let out a sigh because now that you were in his arms, you finally felt safe. His shirt was balled in your fists as you whispered his name. “Spencer.” You breathed shakily.

His hands ran up and down your back. “I’m right here, Y/N.”

“Please don’t leave me.” You cried as you held on to him tighter. 

He shook his head. “Never, Y/N, never again.”

“Spencer, I’m scared.”

The proximity of your bodies allowed Spencer to feel your heartbeat as it pounded in your chest. Your hands trembled as they held on to his shirt, and he realized the true cause of your tears. 

He held onto you tighter as he said, “He’s never going to hurt you again, Y/N.” He heard you take a shaky breath, so he emphasized, “Ever.”

You took a step back to look at him. Your hands were now interlocked behind his neck as you looked into his eyes. “Thank you,” you weakly whispered. “Thank you for saving me.”

Spencer bit his lip and shamefully lowered his head. “I should’ve been there sooner.”

You shook your head. The odds were against him, and you knew that. But he made it. He was there, and not a moment too soon. Spencer saved your life, and he was just in time.

You released one of your hands from his neck and traced his jawline until you got to his chin. You used your thumb to gently bring his eyes back up to yours. “You were right on time,” you whispered. 

Spencer’s brows furrowed as he eyed your bandages, but before he could say anything you closed the gap between the two of you and pulled him into a kiss.

You both smiled into the kiss as your hands found their way into his hair. Your fingers weaved their way into his curls as he snaked his arms around your waist and pulled you up toward him. You got on your tip toes to meet his tall stature.

As your lips moved in sync, your bodies moved impossibly close as the two of you engulfed each other. Holding each other tight, his soft lips moved against yours until you both had run out of air. He pulled away and let his forehead rest on yours.

Spencer licked his lips. “Um, what about...”

“I broke up with Connor.”

A huge smile broke out on Spencer face, but he quickly regained his composure and nonchalantly said, “You did?”

You nodded. “Yeah, like literally just now.” You let out a small chuckle as you nervously asked, “It’s not too soon is it?”

Spencer laughed and said, “I’ve been waiting six months for this.”

You felt the heat rising to your cheeks as you smiled. Your hands traveled down his shoulders and onto his chest, resting right above his heart. 

“I never stopped loving you, either.” You whispered. 

His hands retreated from your waist and moved up your body until they met your shoulders. His large palms engulfed your shoulders in warmth, leaving behind a trail of goosebumps as they went down your arms and onto your hands. He pulled your palms away from his chest and into his own and you interlocked your fingers.

“Please don’t leave me,” you repeated, only this time the words had an entirely different meaning. Spencer’s heart broke at the implication, though he knew your insecurity was completely valid.

“I promise I will make up these last seven months to you.” He brought your interlocked hands up to his face and kissed the back of your hand. “And I will never lose you again.”

Spencer brought a hand under your chin and lifted your face towards his. “You’re so strong you know that?” You broke out into a huge smile as tears welled in your eyes. You cupped the sides of his face with both of your hands and replied, “So are you.” 

You brought his face down to place a kiss on the tip of his nose. “Addiction is no joke. I wish I could have been there so you didn’t have to go through it alone.” Spencer shamefully lowered his eyes. “But,” you quickly added. You ran your thumb along his cheek bone and said, “I’m so proud of you for overcoming it.”

He smiled and kissed your forehead. “And I’m proud of you, Y/N. That beautiful mind of yours saved your life.” Tears silently fell down your cheeks as you smiled up at him.

Spencer smiled as he used his thumb to wipe the tears away. “I love you so much, Y/N.” He whispered in the softest voice. He pulled you into another hug as he whispered into your ear, “And I’ll never let anything happen to you again.” His breath was warm against your ear, and his voice sent shivers down your spine. “I promise.”

You held him tighter as you said, “I love you, Spence.”

Spencer instantly relaxed at the nickname, missing the way it fell from your lips. You rested your head on his shoulder as his arms held you close. The two of you finally had what you had denied yourselves for six months, and both of you were doing everything to savor the moment. With eyes closed, your bodies swayed together, holding each other tight and memorizing the way you felt in each other’s arms.

After missing him for the past half year, being here with Spencer just felt... natural. It felt like you just came home. He was your home. And for the first time in six months, you were finally where you belonged.

[thedeaditeslayer]

Exclusive interview: Bruce Campbell is having a renaissance.

Here’s a highly recommended interview which discusses what Bruce Campbell has in store for fans in the future.

Bruce Campbell is experiencing a creative renaissance, of sorts. In a recent chat with the actor, he discussed a return to his horror roots, cutting a comedy album with Ted Raimi and so much more.

Bruce Campbell hasn’t been idle during his time in self-isolation. The actor has been experiencing a creative renaissance of sorts. So, we figured now would be a perfect time to reach out and get some of our burning questions answered.

With so much uncertainty in the entertainment industry at present, rumors are running rampant. We gave Campbell a chance to clear the air so to speak and address some of the myriad of questions that fans have regarding Mortal Kombat 11, the latest Evil Dead incarnation, Ripley’s and whether or not he will work with Sam Raimi in front of the camera again.

The actor also surprised us with some monumental news. He will be returning to his horror roots with the sequel to My Name Is Bruce as well as several other projects that he has on his docket including a comedy album with one of his closest friends.

Get comfy, grab your favorite beverage and let’s catch up with Bruce Campbell.

Mortal Kombat 11, Ripley’s and the State of the Industry

1428 Elm: Thanks for speaking with us, Bruce. It’s always a pleasure. We have so many things to discuss. Recently, a site came out and said that you were definitely going to be Ash in Mortal Kombat 11. It seemed like a done deal the way it was reported. Can you comment on that?

Bruce Campbell: I probably shouldn’t emphasize yes or no because I don’t know. I have not been told. If it is not through my agent or proper channels than it usually means its wishful thinking.

1428 Elm: Apparently, an email from Warner Brothers Interactive was sent to a well-known entertainment site and Ash as well as Army of Darkness was mentioned in it with the trademark from MGM.

BC: The reason why it may not happen, just so you and the readers can know this, a lot of time for legal purposes, that character cannot appear in other things because of the license. If you can’t make a deal, that character is not going to show up. So, we may have been talked to about it.

But I do know with MGM that handles the Army of Darkness licensing that they’re hasn’t been a discussion with them about it. They’re pretty touchy. We have to be careful of ownership.

I honestly don’t know. I think I would have heard something. It’s not like my agent books me without consulting with me.

Even if Mortal Kombat came to me and said they want to put me in it, you still have to make a deal. If my agent says, “Bruce Campbell wants a hundred billion dollars,” and then they say no, the deal is dead.

The answer is we don’t know. No point in beating around about that.

1428 Elm: You might not be able to discuss this but what’s going on with Ripley’s Believe It or Not!? Will there be a Season 2?

BC: We’re one and done. It’s not your father’s Travel Channel anymore. If I wanted to host a ghost hunting show, I’d be on the air right now.

Ripley’s was made for the older school Travel Channel like Drive-Ins and Dive Bars where you go to wacky places around the country. There is a big push for paranormal, mystery and science-fiction, Discovery type stuff. I think we just “out aged” ourselves.

1428 Elm: It would have been nice if the Science Channel would have picked it up.

BC: It’s all good. I remain philosophical about all shows that come and go. There are so many factors involved. You change executives and things change, companies get bought and sold and things change, ratings aren’t what you expected…

After this virus, we’re going to see what shape the motion picture industry is in. It’s going to be a wounded beast. Projects are going to go away.

You’re going to have fewer tentpole movies too. I am hopeful we’ll have a return to low budget filmmaking.

That’s what I hope comes out of it. Each studio will start a low budget division and spend the money wisely.

Number One on the Charts with a Bullet

BC (Cont.): In the meantime, what is nice, I’m finishing up a couple of projects. I’m hoping by the end of the year to put a book of essays out and a comedy album with Ted Raimi.

1428 Elm: A comedy album?

BC: Yeah, we finished it. I’m in post-production on it. I’m putting all the sound effects in now.

1428 Elm: That sounds great!

BC: Who knows? We’ve never done one before so we’re going to find out.

1428 Elm: So, you guys are harkening back to the 1960’s when comedians like Bob Newhart had hit albums?

BC: It’s our version of that. I used to listen to the top comedy albums during the 60’s and 70’s. I wouldn’t dare compare myself to any of the masters like Mel Brooks and the 2,000-Year-Old Man with Carl Reiner. We gave it a shot. I love audio and I like radio plays.

Bruce Campbell vs the Classic Monsters

1428 Elm: So, tell us what is going on with your political satire, House Divided. Are you still working on pitching that once everything gets back to business as usual?

BC: It will be on the sales block. It’s a harder sell. There’s no blood. It’s not a horror movie, it’s a political satire. Associating Bruce Campbell with political satire isn’t the first thing investors whip out their checkbooks for.

To combat that, I just finished writing a sequel to My Name Is Bruce. The idea is we want to take Bruce and have him go through each of the classic film monsters. The sequel is Bruce vs Frankenstein.

We’re done. I finished my draft and sent it to Mike Richardson, my partner at Dark Horse Comics. We’re actively looking for money on that one. It is the Expendables of Horror. I fully intend to load the cast with so many familiar horror faces. It should be a lot of fun.

It would be a cavalcade of genre stars, old, young, on TV now. We really want to cover the bases. A lot of people will be getting killed. Guest star kills. Basically, Bruce bumbles his way into being a hero.

1428 Elm: Will you have to go through Universal to get permission to use the classic monsters?

BC: Some stuff is public domain. I’m not a lawyer but we would figure out a way to do this.

I think the bolts on Frankenstein’s neck are trademarked, as well as certain looks. But you can make a Frankenstein. That story is under public domain.

It’s also a parody of a Frankenstein movie and that gives a lot of leeway legally as well. I don’t think you can say, “Wolfman,” but I think you can say Bruce vs the Werewolf. This is my version of the Bob Hope road movies.

Ted has two parts; I have two parts for Robert Englund and I have a couple of parts for Kane Hodder. If they’re a name, I am going to put them in it.

After we come out of the zombie apocalypse that we’re in and everyone gets back to work, that is what I will be actively pitching. There’s plenty going on. So, I have been self-isolating in a constructive way.

It’s an Evil Dead World

1428 Elm: We’re curious about the 1970’s period piece that you were working on when we talked to you last year. What happened with that?

BC: It’s currently on my action board. I will eventually get to it. I am going to finish my book of essays first and then I am going to get to that one.

The story is set in 1979. The idea behind it is what would have happened if us raising money for Evil Dead went horribly, horribly wrong. It becomes a horror movie in and of itself.

1428 Elm: How did this idea come to fruition?

BC: I was going through projects in my computer. People who have a lot of downtime do spring cleaning. Clean out your woodshed, toolshed when you have extra time. In this case, I went to the head of my projects folder.

This one popped up and it was just an outline that I had written 15 years ago. I thought, wait a minute, this is pretty well thought out.

In the 70’s, filmmaking was real, you didn’t have a lot of options. You had to get cameras from a certain place, you had to have insurance. There were a lot of steps that you had to take that made the process really difficult.

I remember making calls for money from payphones in blizzards and s*** like that. You had to leave messages, you’re getting busy signals, you’re not texting anyone. There are no computers, there’s no email, its old school. You sent things in the mail.

Today, filmmaking is not difficult. I can go to a store and buy a 4K camera. I can make a movie with $5,000 worth of equipment. Probably less.

1428 Elm: Well, you can do it on your phone too. Sam Raimi is on Quibi now with 50 States of Fright, which is entertainment tailored to your device. If his series continues once everything settles, do you think there’s a chance you might appear on the show?

BC: Never say never, that’s all verbally at this point. They have to succeed; they have to survive. Any new format, any new platform, I’m game and if Sam’s involved all the more reason.

1428 Elm: Have you ever thought of doing anything like Quibi?

BC: Not yet. I’m used to writing 90-page screenplays with a three-act format. I can adapt anything too.

I was thinking the other day, I have a few screenplays that might be tough sells but maybe I might convert them to a fricking novel and put them out as books. There’s lots to do. I’ve got plenty going on.

1428 Elm: Has the current situation affected the new Evil Dead? We remember that you talked about possibly going into production at the end of this year. Is that pushed back like everything else?

BC: No, not really. It was so early in the stages that we can keep going. I just read the first official draft today. So, then we’ll give notes and additional writing will take place.

Then you have to budget the thing so you know how much money you need to raise and then you have to get the money. Nothing will stop any of that.

You can make calls for money, you can send the script to people, you can do budgets. The only thing that will be affected will be the actual start date. Which we didn’t know anyway. We may end up not being delayed at all.

Many thanks to Bruce Campbell for chatting with us.

[capcarolsdanver]

Training

Request: Bello! New here! Could you do some Carol x Reader where they have a relathionship like Tony and Peter? Bônus If Peter is Reader boyfriend?

Pairing: Peter Parker x reader (with Carol Danvers x reader friendship I guess?)

A/N: Oh my god this is way longer than I aimed for it to be. My bad. I had a whole bunch of trouble writing this fic. I really like the idea of it but it was a lot harder to write than I thought it would be and I’m definitely not super happy with it (probably bc it wasn’t Carol x reader relationship if I’m being real). Hopefully it’s okay, please send me any feedback!!

You don’t remember much about your life before you met the Avengers. The first clear memory you had was from when you woke up in the Avengers facility, jolting awake with a scream. You looked around at the unfamiliar room, panic setting in before a woman quickly entered the room, her eyes full of concern as they took you in.

“Hi. You’re awake,” she said gently, trying to ease your obvious distress as she slowly stepped further into the room. “Do you know who I am?”

You squinted at her, and while she did look familiar, you couldn’t place her face. You shook your head and she offered you a soft smile.

“My name is Carol Danvers. What’s yours?” It took you more than a few seconds, but it finally came to you and you told her your name. “Well, it’s nice to officially meet you, Y/N.”

Carol moved to take a seat next to the bed and your eyes followed her. Though you still felt a sense of uneasiness, Carol’s presence seemed to ease your discomfort slightly.

“Do you remember how you got here?” She asked. You felt panic begin to set in again as you realised that you didn’t. “Hey. It’s okay,” Carol said, gently placing her hand on your arm. “I’ll remind you, okay?”

You nod and let Carol recount how some of the Avengers were helping to deal with an explosion in New York, the result of some wannabe villain failing miserably at his grand plan of taking on the Avengers. Though he got their attention, he was immediately caught and luckily his damage was kept to a minimum.

“Danvers, why don’t you check out that warehouse for anyone inside?” Steve gestured towards a small warehouse that had taken a hit and even though it looked likely abandoned, Carol nodded and made her way inside.

That’s where she found you, curled into a ball behind some boxes near the corner of the warehouse. She approached you carefully, moving to place a hand on your wrist but quickly becoming startled when her hand moved straight through your arm.

“Rogers, I’m gonna need some assistance here.” Carol spoke into the comms and watched you closely to make sure you were breathing, sighing in relief at the slight intake of breath she saw you take.

You looked at Carol with surprise as she spoke.

“Wait. Your hand went through my arm?”

“Yeah. As soon as I realised you had powers I knew we had to bring you back here. Steve helped me figure out a way to-”

“Hang on a second,” you interrupted, bringing your hand up to rest on your forehead. “Powers? I think you’re mistaking me for someone else.” Carol lightly chuckled.

“Trust me, I saw it myself. I’m not mistaking you for anyone else.” At your reaction, she squinted her eyes at you. “You really don’t remember anything, do you?”

“I think I’m lucky to even remember my name, to be honest.” Carol smiled sadly at you.

“You know, I actually know a bit about the whole forgetting your past thing, too.” She said. “It’s rough. But I had people help me to find myself again. And you have people, too.” You looked at her skeptically. “Well, you at least have me,” she shrugged with a smile. You returned her smile before your eyes dropped to you hands and you studied them for a moment.

“I just don’t know what I’m supposed to do. I mean, I have powers. Like, where did they come from? What powers do I even have?”

“We’ll figure that out, don’t worry.” Carol stood from the chair. “For now, you need rest. Everything else can wait.” She made her way to the door before turning back to you. “Tomorrow we’ll have you moved into your new room and you can hopefully feel a bit at home.”

You thanked Carol as she left, still unsure about your new surroundings but significantly more relaxed.

------------------------

You settled in at the Avengers facility quicker than you had expected. Carol had been there for you practically any time you needed someone, just like she said you would, and you couldn’t even express how grateful you were for it.

You had found yourself waking up almost nightly in a cold sweat, most often than not screaming yourself awake, and Carol had immediately rushed to your room and to your side every single time without fail.

“Hey, Y/N. Shh, it’s okay. You’re safe,” she would whisper as you clung to her tightly. She would hold you reassuringly until you’d cried all the tears you had and if you wanted to talk she would stay and listen, but usually you’d just apologise to her and try to go back to sleep.

You had become equally excited and nervous to learn more about your powers and how to use them, and you and Carol spent hours on end in the training room trying to figure out what you could do. You had no memory of ever even having powers, and Carol only had her first encounter with you to go off of, so she’d assumed you could probably manipulate density in some way.

At first you were worried you would accidentally hurt Carol, but then she showed you exactly what she could do with her powers and your worries almost immediately faded. Carol was incredibly strong and you felt honoured that she’d decided to act as a mentor of sorts to you.

It was a few weeks after you had first arrived that you met Peter Parker. He had finally taken Tony up on his offer to stay at the facility so he could properly train and learn the abilities of his upgraded suit inside and out. Carol seemed to be quite fond of Peter and he liked to hang out in the training room while you were in there, frequently shooting you encouraging words as you grew frustrated at your lack of control over your powers.

You had your first breakthrough one day when you and Carol were sparring while Peter took a break from his own training to watch you. You could tell Carol was trying to frustrate you, never letting you land any solid hits and even using her powers a little to throw you off. At one point you lashed out at her, and she easily dodged your attempts and swiped your legs. You were thrown onto the ground and she pinned you down.

“Come on, Y/N. You’re almost there, I can tell.” You tried to push Carol off of you but she pinned your arms to the ground on either side of you, not backing down. You continued to try and push at her and Carol watched your frustration build as she held your attempts at bay. “Don’t just use your physical strength. It’s more than just that.”

You had no idea what she meant, but she clearly wasn’t going to let up any time soon, so you tried to focus on her words rather than putting all you efforts into pushing at her. You saw Carol’s eyes widen slightly as suddenly, you felt her weight on you change dramatically and you were able to easily remove your arms from her grip, pushing her away from you as you stood up.

She fell to the ground before getting to her feet, shaking herself off and stepping towards you again with a smirk on her face. You were still shocked you’d even managed to get Carol off of you, so when she stepped forward to swing at you, you flinched and waited for the punch to land. When Carol fell forward, you looked down to see that her arm had gone straight through you. You moved forward, through Carol, before turning around to look at her in shock.

She wore a proud smirk on her face and you found yourself completely speechless.

“Oh. My. God. That was amazing!” You heard Peter cheer as he came running up to you, engulfing you in a tight hug as he laughed. You returned the hug just as tightly, letting your relieved joy out as you laughed too. You looked at Carol over Peter’s shoulder and she eyed the two of you before shooting you a knowing smile.

------------------------

You and Peter began hanging out around the facility outside of training, Carol teasing you mercilessly over it. Every time she caught sight of the two of you, she would snicker to herself before usually sending some kind of remark your way. Her favourite was the classic ‘get a room!’, and you would roll your eyes every time you heard her say it, which just made her laugh harder.

Occasionally, Peter would ask you to train with him and he’d always talk about how you’d get to fight alongside each other with the rest of the Avengers soon. Carol walked in one day, overhearing him talking to you.

“Let’s not get too ahead of ourselves, Peter. Yes, Y/N has learnt how to use some of her powers. But she isn’t anywhere near ready to use them in combat yet.” Peter brought himself back onto the ground from the spot on the wall he’d been climbing in his suit.

“Well, yeah, but with my powers I just jumped straight into using them and it helped me a lot, ya know? Like, I always went out and looked for bad guys to try and take down. So maybe that’s what Y/N needs to do, too.” Carol crossed her arms and you saw Peter physically take a step back from her, his eyes instantly widening.

“Okay, first of all, that was incredibly dangerous of you to do that.” Peter looked to you, then back to Carol, bringing a hand up to scratch the back of his head.

“And second, you’re not considering the kind of powers that Y/N has. We haven’t even seen the extent of what she can do. But what we do know is that her powers could really hurt people, especially if she hasn’t learnt to control them yet. And that’s just the powers that we know of.” Peter nodded at Carol.

“Right, of course Miss Danvers, ma’am. I think I get it now.” Peter stumbled over his own feet and Carol watched him, trying to suppress a smile. “I think I’ll be going now,” he continued as he walked over to you, leaning in towards you slightly before he glanced back at Carol, deciding against his actions and instead heading towards the door. “Um, yeah. Bye.” He quickly waved before disappearing out of the room.

Carol looked to you in amusement, shaking her head.

“Your boyfriend is something else,” she teased and you immediately felt your eyes roll.

“He’s not my boyfriend.. I don’t think.”

“Sure, sure,” Carol chuckled before giving you a more serious look. “Well. Whatever he is to you. I get that he’s excited about your powers, but it’s important that you take the time to master them before we use them anywhere else. You know that, right?”

“Don’t worry, Carol. I know how big a responsibility it is to have powers. I’m not gonna let Peter talk me into going on a rouge mission to find some bad guys.” Carol looked at you for a moment, nodding and letting a smirk appear on her face.

“Good. You ready to train?” You nodded and followed Carol’s lead, eager to learn how to better control your abilities.

------------------------

Carol would still help you deal with some of your most difficult nights, but Peter had also become someone you knew you could rely on. Your night terrors had slowly lessened and you wouldn’t wake up screaming in the middle of the night as much, but it definitely helped knowing you had two people who were there for you no matter what time.

If you were having a particularly bad night, you would tend to call on Carol a little more, as she was a little more patient than Peter and would give you the time you needed to deal with whatever was going through your head before asking if you wanted to talk.

Peter was great at helping you too, especially on the nights where you just needed someone to hold you, and he usually immediately calmed you down when he’d wrap his arms around you, kissing the top of your head and whispering supportive words in your ear.

It was late one night when Peter had come to your room for other reasons, and you walked Peter out to the hallway before he headed back to his own room. He smiled at you and leaned in, kissing you softly before you both heard the sound of someone clearing their throat a little further down the hallway.

Carol stood near her door looking at you and Peter with raised eyebrows. Before you could even say a word, Peter quickly panicked and made some excuse to go, leaving you and Carol standing in the hallway alone. She looked down the direction of the hallway Peter had rushed off to and looked back at you.

“Is everything okay? Did you have a night terror?” She asked, her concerned eyes on you.

“Oh. Um. No?” You sheepishly replied, watching the concern immediately leave Carol’s face. She let out a sigh.

“You know, you really shouldn’t have anyone in your room at this time of night.” You furrowed your brow slightly in confusion.

“You can’t say that when I saw Valkyrie heading to your room, like, two hours ago.” Carol was silent, momentarily lost for words.

“That’s different,” she finally settled on.

“What? How is that any different?” You scoffed at her.

“It just is,” she said. “You and Peter are both still so young.”

“Come on, Carol that’s not a valid excuse. We’re both old enough to consent.” Carol stepped closer to you, ready to say something else, but you spoke before she could. “No, I’m done with this conversation right now. Good night.” You walked back into your room, shutting and locking your door before shaking your head in anger.

The next day, you and Peter had decided to escape from the Avengers facility for a while. Peter had apologised profusely for Carol catching you last night but you had insisted that neither of you were at fault. You walked together down the streets of New York City, Peter pointing out some of his favourite places.

“This building right here,” he said, pointing to a tall building on the street corner. “I used to sit on this balcony all the time and look out for any danger. You know, so I could practise using my suit and my powers and stuff.” You nodded along before your ringing phone caught your attention.

“It’s Carol,” you said to Peter, rolling your eyes slightly before answering. “Hello?”

“Hey, Y/N. I went to your room to speak to you, but you’re not there. I, uh.” You heard Carol scoff at herself before she took a deep breath. “Listen, I’m not so good at the whole apologising thing, but I just wanted to say that I’m sorry for last night. It turns out it’s all fun and games telling you and Peter to get a room until you actually do.” You chuckled and let her continue, you and Peter coming to a stop.

“I guess I just feel a kind of responsibility for you, you know? And I know it’s weird but I think I just went straight into asshole parent mode before remembering that I’m not at all your parent.” Peter was watching you while you listened to Carol, offering a hopeful smile and a questioning thumbs up. You nodded at him and he let out a sigh of relief.

“Yeah, I get it.” You said to Carol. “It’s okay, your apology is accepted.” Peter smiled at you before his face changed to one of alert, looking at the raised hairs on his arms. He quickly pulled you down the nearest alleyway he could find and looked out onto the street as you heard a loud crashing sound.

“Thank you,” Carol said, the relief in her voice evident. “Hey, where are you by the way?” The sound of a car screeching and speeding down the street became louder as it got closer to you.

“Uhh, Carol. I’m sorry but I really have to go,” you said as a car sped passed you and Peter and you heard a gun fire from further down the street. You noticed a man from inside the car lean out the window holding a machine gun.

“Wait, what’s happeni-“ you heard Carol start before you hung up your phone.

“Woah!” Peter exclaimed as he quickly opened his backpack and attached his web shooter to his wrist, grabbing his Spider-Man suit and practically jumping into it in a matter of seconds. “Stay here,” he told you before flinging himself up into the air with his web towards a streetlight.

You watched as Peter shot a web towards the car, pulling the gun away from the man before any shots could be fired. The man yelled something to the driver of the car as it screeched to a stop. Peter began moving towards the other man on the street who had opened fire earlier.

You watched the man in the car as he flung the door open, marching to the trunk of the car and pulling out an even bigger weapon than the one he had before, this one looking like some kind of grenade launcher. You gulped as he turned it towards Peter.

“Peter!” You yelled, desperate to get his attention. He had his back turned and was preoccupied, and you knew he wouldn’t be able to hear you. You nervously faced the man holding the weapon, holding your hands up in his direction and squinting your eyes in focus.

Just as he pressed the trigger, you quickly tried to use your powers to increase the pressure of the air against the man, something you’d only just started practising with Carol, to throw him from his position. It worked and he was thrown backwards, but you looked on in horror as the weapon still fired. Your powers had thrown the blast off course, now heading up instead of straight towards Peter, but it was still headed straight for the building behind Peter.

Not knowing what to do, you braced yourself for the impact, before a sudden burst of light appeared and flew up towards the explosive, redirecting it and aiming it straight upwards, away from harm as it detonated. An explosion echoed through the air as the blast went off.

The burst of light that had appeared earlier came towards you, before it took on the shape of Carol in her Captain Marvel suit. She landed right in front of you, and Peter flew over with one of his webs.

“Woah! Captain Marvel, that was so awesome!” He yelled in disbelief.

“Are you kidding?” Carol practically spat out, glaring at Peter. He backed off from her, looking taken aback as she stomped towards you both. “This is awesome to you? You think this is how you be a hero? By going out and looking for trouble?” Peter remained quiet.

“Carol-“ You tried.

“No, don’t,” she interrupted. She quickly turned and shot a photon blast at the man from the car as he tried to get up and run. “Just let me finish this. I’ll see you back at the facility.” She blasted herself away from you and you and Peter looked at each other before leaving.

------------------------

You told Peter you’d deal with Carol alone. You knew he blamed himself for Carol’s anger, even though he’d actually tried to keep you out of danger.

You sat in your room waiting, and sure enough it didn’t take too long before Carol came storming in.

“What the hell were you thinking?” She started. “Did you see all the people there? Someone could have died, Y/N. Didn’t we just talk about this?”

“Hey, don’t try to blame this on us. They already had those guns before we even got there.”

“That’s not the point.” Carol ran a frustrated hand through her hair. “You’re not ready and Peter is just pushing for you to use your powers before you even know how.”

“What is the point then, Carol?” You retorted back, standing up. “Seriously, what is the point in having these powers and seeing something  bad happen but choosing to do nothing? And Peter has done nothing wrong. He has been nothing but supportive.” Carol sighed and took a second to recollect herself.

“I get it, okay? I know the sense of justice. But today you used your powers when you hadn’t properly learnt how to yet, and it almost went so wrong. If Peter hadn’t been pushing you-“

“Carol, he didn’t push me to use my powers. He tried to protect me, okay? I chose to use my powers. It was my fault, not his.” Carol blinked at you.

“He didn’t tell you to use your powers?”

“No. Do you know how much he respects you? So much. He would never purposefully go against anything you tell him or me to do.” Carol remained quiet. “I made a mistake, okay. I knew I wasn’t ready but I panicked and I’m just lucky you got there when you did.” You felt tears sting at your eyes but managed to blink them back before they could roll down your cheeks. “I’m sorry. I promise I won’t do anything like that again until I’m ready."

Carol nodded and pulled you into a hug. “We’ll work on it, okay? You’ll get there soon.” You nodded against her shoulder and she pulled back to look at you. “So, Peter really respects me that much, huh?” You chuckled.

“He accidentally called you ‘Aunty Carol’ the other day.” Carol burst into laughter, throwing her head back.

“Oh my god.” She attempted to wipe tears from her eyes as she continued laughing. “I cannot wait to make fun of him for that.”

[afewmarvelousthoughts]

Truth Pt. 12

Truth Master List

Request:

What’s up sug! sorry you’re struggling right now but I’ve come to help you If you could bring this to light for me I’d absolutely love for YOU TO DO JT So basically Bucky X Enhanced reader who are fuckin enemies. Hate each other to every last fiber of their beings bc Bucky is rude and she calls him out on it. AnywHs, they get drunk, truth or dare (go crZy baby) and LOTS LF dirty talk if u wanna do smut but if u don’t then buck taking care of her while she’s drunk cause she admitted her feelings

Pairing: Bucky X Reader (Enhanced)

Summary: Since The Avengers gave you a home the only blight has been Bucky Barnes, a ghost from your past that you can’t seem to shake. It makes you hate him. The feeling, it seems, is mutual. But… a simple game reveals that maybe things aren’t quite so simple. (Post Winter Soldier AU)

Warnings: FLUFF, FEELS, CUTE MOMENTS, only a little sad

A/N: Look. I’m a sucker for Bucky dancing, I’m a sucker for cheese (sometimes) and also I just thought these two deserved a moment like this after everything they’ve been through. Ugh. I love them.

Tags are open!

@midnightdream83 @mywinterwolf @disagreetoagree @breezy1415 @peachthatdrinkslemonade @wonderlandmind4 @piensa-bonito @handplucked @buckysstar @sam-jae @marauder--harder @for-the-love-of-the-fandom @andreagf956 @marvelousmeggi @jewelofwinter @fairislesheets @animegirlgeeky @lydklein1 @katecolleen @siriuslycloudy2 @zannemes 

The next morning you slip out while Bucky is still sleeping for your appointment with Tony and Bruce.

You were happy he managed to get some sleep. Throughout the night you kept waking up, terrified he’d stopped breathing or constantly seeing that image of him bleeding from a wound you’d inflicted on him…

The moment the elevator opens you’re met with Black Sabbath blaring. It wouldn’t have been your first choice but you’re not mad about it either.

“Mornin’ Sparks!” Tony bellows from the other side of the room.

“Coffee or tea?” Bruce asks.

“No fasting?”

“Nah.”

“Coffee.” Bruce pours you a cup and brings it over to the chair you were at a few days prior.

“We just needed that for the initial blood tests.” You hold your arm out and he begins to attach the nodes.

Tony heads over when Bruce is about done, Dum-E on his heels. “Sorry, had to fix this idiot.”

“Be nice to him,” you smile at the robot. 

Tony laughs shaking his head and holds out a bag of banana chips. You take a few, munching them, mind wandering back to Bucky.

“Hey,” Tony sits next to you, placing a hand on your shoulder, “you ok?”

“I’m fine. I’m not the one who got a hole torn in their side yesterday.”

“It really looked worse than it was,” Bruce says, tone trying to reassure you.

“I know how much worse it could have been…” You feel the energy rise in you.

“Damn,” Tony looks at the screen. “Tell me, after a fight are you able to get your power up and running faster?”

“Uh… maybe? I’ve never really paid attention to it.”

“Because it took almost an hour for you to reach this high of a level the other day. And now what, five minutes?”

“Could be linked to emotion too.” Bruce would know.

“Yeah. Both maybe? Sorry, I know that’s not helpful.”

“No, but it’s interesting.” Tony studies the readings as the energy quiets. “The signature is also just a touch different-”

“Not quite as stable,” Bruce finishes. It’s like you’re not really there. Which is honestly ok with you.

“So you and Lefty,” Tony pops some chips in his mouth, “had quite the tiff. Guess you made up?”

You glare at him for a minute before responding. “I guess making him bleed was good enough payback for being a chauvinist.”

“Maybe,” he glances at the screen. “You should actually talk about it though.”

“Are you really giving me relationship advice?”

“More of a suggestion. Based on my own many and likely continuing mistakes.” Bruce snickers and Tony throws a chip at his head.

You laugh and sigh. “As much as I hate these words, you’re probably right.”

“You just broke rule #1, Y/N.” Bruce shakes his head in mock disappointment.

For the rest of your appointment, you run through some of the same things you did before. Bringing your energy up and down, letting it crackle from your fingertips, forming and dissipating.

Tony and Bruce both study the screens after you’re unhooked. “You boys need anything else from me?”

“Nah, you’re good Sparky. I’ll let you know if we need ya.”

“Have fun nerds!” You call over your shoulder as you head back to Bucky’s apartment to check on him.

When you open the door the smell of bacon makes your stomach growl. The sound of Bucky singing along to Sinatra’s Fly Me To The Moon brings a smile to your face and an ache to your heart. What if you’d-

“Y/N?” Bucky’s calls from by the stove.

“Yeah, it’s me. Sorry I didn’t knock…”

He comes out of the kitchen with a mug of coffee for you. “You don’t have to knock.”

“Thanks,” you take the mug from him but don’t take a sip, your lips pursed, trying to settle your nerves.

“You’re welcome. Thought you may be hungry.” He nods toward the kitchen and heads back.

Slowly you follow taking a seat at one if the bar stools. You stare into the mug, the silence only broken by the sizzling from the pan for the next few minutes.

As he cracks and whisks the eggs you can’t stand it anymore. “Why are you doing this?” You snap.

He turns around, bowl in hand one brow raised. “Like I said, I thought you’d be-”

“I could have fucking killed you Bucky…”

“Yeah,” you feel your face contort at the admission. “But it was my fault.” You turn back to your coffee, the guilt too overwhelming.

He turns the burner off and comes to your side, “Look at me, Y/N.” His right fingers graze your left cheek, gently turning your face to his. The expression on his face is soft, eyes crinkled slightly at the corners. “You had it handled. I… I was... well I was acting like my fucking father. Like I knew better based on nothing but my own pride. Because of that I got in the way and got caught in the crossfire. That isn’t on you, baby.”

You reach a shaky hand out to touch his side lightly where the bandages were. Bucky takes your hand in his, lifting it to his lips. “I can’t promise I won’t ever be an authoritative prick again. But I’ll work on it, I promise.” Sniffing hard you nod. “We ok?”

“Yeah. We’re good.”

The two of you enjoy a nice breakfast and have just curled up on the couch to watch a movie, both of you still tired from the mission, when Tony texts you:

“Hey. Can you come back for a minute? Wanna talk about something.”

You sigh heavily.

“What is it?” His back is pressed against your upright torso, head on your chest. Tilting his head to the side he looks up at you.

“Tony needs me to come back to the lab for something.”

“Ok,” Bucky groans a little as he sits up, the exhaustion clearly kicking in. “Tell him if he keeps you too long he’s gotta deal with me.”

You laugh, “You got it, Sarge.” Standing you lean down and press a kiss to his forehead.

Tony’s at his desk, the lab quiet for once. It’s unnerving.

“What’s so bad that you don’t even have music on, Ton?”

“Huh?” He looks at you distracted. “Oh! Nothin’ bad just needed to focus and couldn’t find the right song.” He flashes you a half smile.

“Tony…?”

“I just can’t work out how you tick. It’s unlike anything we’ve seen…”

You can’t help but laugh bitterly, “Well you’ve only tested me twice.”

“True but the results are so different. I mean… the base readings are pretty similar but… I just hate a problem I can’t solve, or that I don’t even know how to start.”

“Are you trying to… fix me, Tony?” A cold feeling of betrayal begins to settle over you.

“No! Absolutely not!” He looks horrified and you feel like an idiot for thinking that. “Unless you want me to… I just want to be sure we can keep you, ya know...”

“From blowing up and killing everyone?”

He rolls his eyes, “I was going to find a more tactful way to put it.”

“Tact isn’t your style man.”

“Ouch!” He dramatically grabs his chest. “Anyway, I was wondering if you’d be cool with me tagging along on your next few missions as a non-combatant. I just want to monitor your levels in real time, see how they change in combat vs. in a controlled setting. But I don’t want you to feel like I’m babysitting you.”

You think about this. It could be a little weird. Tony usually stayed out of most basic missions, only really getting involved in the ones where they needed the extra firepower. Honestly you always like when he’s along and you can think of another good reason to have him…

“I’m game. But I need you to promise me something.”

Tony’s brows raise with suspicion. “That makes me nervous… suuuuuure.”

“If you’re with us and something goes wrong. If I’m down or compromised in some way… get him out.”

Tony’s face settles into a stoic mask as the weight of what you’re asking settles over him. “Y/N…”

“Look, I don’t have any intention of throwing myself to the wolves or anything but after yesterday… I just don’t trust he won’t do something stupid to save me if he thinks he can… no matter if it’s a lost cause.”

“He’ll put up one hell of a fight. I saw how he looked at you Y/N the other day. That man is-”

“You can handle him. Plus… you’re the only one that can besides Steve and…”

“He’ll hate anyone who pulls him out. You figure I can handle that.” He smirks.

“Tony…”

“No you’re right, I can. And I am the only one. So yeah, deal.”

You give him a cold smile, it wasn’t exactly something to be happy about. “Alright.” You stand and extend a hand to shake on it.

He takes it and pulls you into a hug. “Just don’t put me in that position Sparky. You don’t get to just cash it in, ok?”

“I won’t.” You pull away, this time your smile is genuine. “Besides, without me, who’re you gonna make playlists for?”

“Exactly.”

You enter the elevator with a strange sense of hope warming your chest. A sense that grows and grows over the next few months.

For the most part, you’ve moved into Bucky’s place. Sure you still technically have your own apartment in the tower but you haven’t stayed there one night since that mission where you injured him. Your clothes, records, and even some of your photos have made their way into his drawers, shelves, and onto his walls slowly but surely.

On nights where you’re not beat from a mission or eating with the team, you cook together. Dancing everything from the waltz to tango as various dishes bubble away on the stove. You even convince him on a few occasions to invite one or two people over for dinner or drinks that aren’t Steve.

Nat and Clint join you one night. Another it’s them and Steve, which proves to be hilarious back and forth between best friends calling one another out on their reckless bull shit. You laugh yourself to tears more times that night than you can count. When you have Sam over things are awkward for about a half hour before they gang up on you to argue the superiority of Star Trek to Star Wars.

Tony accompanies you to whatever missions he’s able. Mainly he hangs back in the jet, looking over the feedback Jarvis sends him from the cuffs he modified to not only offer (hopefully anyway) emergency stabilization but to give him readings on your energy levels, how the signature changes, temperature fluctuations, and other minute details you never pay attention to.

When you’re back on the jet he usually would do a more thorough scan as you fly home. Determined to figure out just what Hydra did and how he can give you the most control possible. It warms your heart that he’s so determined.

Only twice do they pick up on any more energy signatures that come close to your own. The first was a false positive. While the other seemed to be just residual energy since the facility appears to have been abandoned for years. In fact, you’re fairly certain it was one of yours, judging from the way your head feels like it’s filled with static and the soul-shredding dreams that followed that night.

Bucky held you while you screamed and cried. You weren’t able to make your tongue form the words, some block in your brain preventing you from speaking about that facility. It was ok though, he understood. The night was spent with him rocking you gently in his arms, singing softly to you, grounding you to a present so wonderful it made the past truly feel like nothing more than a bad nightmare.

You weren’t the only one to deal with ghosts though. It was a particularly brutal mission, the Hydra agents were determined to win or die… needless to say, they didn’t win. Bucky had been cornered with Nat by about 10 agents. When you saw them after they were both covered with viscera and blood, looking more like animals than humans.

That night you rolled over to find the bed empty the door to the bathroom cracked, the sound of the shower running seeping out. You padded quietly over, pushing the door open slowly, not wanting to startle him. Bucky was on the floor of the shower, head pressed to his knees. Scalding hot water hitting him from all angles, his skin pink and red. When he lifted his head you felt your heart shatter. His face a mask of fear, pain, regret, and horror.

He didn’t have to explain to you why, though he wants to. What he wants is irrelevant. Had you asked for a mission report he could have given it, could have recited every horrifying detail of the day. His mouth opens and closes as you tentatively approach.

“Zamorozka,” is all he’s finally able to manage in a shaky voice when you’re by the shower. Freezing. Cryo. That’s what they would have done after a mission like that just to be sure. Wipe. Reset.

Nodding you strip your clothes, stepping into the cloud of steam to sit behind him, warm him further with your body, pull him as far from that freezing hell as you possibly could. For a long while, you hold him, kiss his tense back muscles, remind him where he is. When you coax him out of the shower you tell Jarvis to crank the heat in the apartment. You wrap Bucky in cozy clothes and blankets and though you’re practically sweating you don’t care.

But even with those and a handful of other times that your past comes knocking in the night, the two of you find something neither ever hoped for. Happiness. He frustrates the hell out of you some days but he makes you laugh, never questions your silences, and goddamn if he wasn’t incredible in the sack.

And it seems that you make him happy too. You’ll catch him watching you from time to time, a warm smile lighting his features. He’s more personable to everyone, even Sam commenting that he likes him better now. Steve is convinced you’re bringing back more of his old self, you hope that’s true.

-

Bucky can’t help the smile on his face. All you’re doing is caring an armload of blankets in from the bedroom but still… it makes him unbearably happy.

Everyone is wrapped up in gala business. Some necessary evil PR stunt for the Avengers. No one has mentioned anything about having to attend to either of you so instead, you’re taking the time to watch movies and eat copious amounts of shitty food.

He pops a cheese puff in his mouth and you look over to him. “If you eat all those I’ll zap you.” Laughing Bucky walks over and tosses a neon orange ball at you. Effortlessly you catch it, munching loudly.

“What’re we starting with?” He settles next to you, tugging you close.

“Reservoir Dogs, Tony’s been harping on me to watch it and I just want him to shut up about it.”

Bucky laughs, “Alright. Hit it Jarvis.” The windows darken to block out some of the early afternoon light and the film starts.

They’re no more than 20 minutes in when Jarvis pops in. “Pardon the interruption, Captain Rogers is on his way up.”

You exchange a glance, “Everything alright, Jarvis?”

“To my knowledge, yes.”

When Steve raps at the door Bucky gets up to let him in. “Hey, sorry to interrupt.”

“It’s fine.” You pipe from the living room as they head in. “Cheese puff?” Steve smiles at the proffered bowl, never one to turn down a snack he grabs a handful as he sits.

“What’s goin’ on?” Bucky settles back at your side, automatically taking your free hand in his own.

“This damn gala.”

Bucky laughs, “You never did like a dance, Stevie.”

Steve rolls his eyes, “Hard to when every gal had a foot on me at least.”

“Mhm. That was why.” He turns to you, “He just doesn’t like dancing.”

“You do though.” You both turn your eyes back to Steve, Bucky’s suspicion mounting. “That’s kinda why I’m here…”

He reaches over and nabs more cheese puffs, shoving some in his mouth before continuing. “Hill thinks maybe you should both attend.”

You just popped a puff in your mouth and begin coughing a bit, “What?!”

“Don’t shoot the messenger,” Steve holding a hand up in surrender. “She said it would be excellent PR for the team to let people see-”

“The reformed freak show?” Bucky’s grip tightens on your hand. This puts a bad taste in his mouth. Steve looks wilted and Bucky regrets his tone.

“No man, at least I don’t think it’s like that.” His fingers begin to drum on his knee. A classic Rogers tell that he’s nervous as all hell. “I think it’s more to show people that you’re not something to be afraid of, either of you.” Bucky feels you shift next to him.

“The public knows there are two former Hydra assets on the team. You,” he gestures to Bucky, “they know about from the Battle of The Potomac. But, Y/N, you’re a total mystery which is almost worse.”

Bucky stares at the place where your clasped hands rest. People fear what they don’t know. “So… this is a PR suggestion, not a team decision?” He can feel the tension in your body.

“Yeah, but everyone agrees it’s probably a good move. It’s a secure event, every attendee vetted. Plus it’s here in the tower so if you need to duck out, you can.”

“Bruce said the last one wasn’t bad,” your voice seems kind of small.

He looks over at you, your eyes also glued on the spot where your bodies connect. “Do you wanna go, doll?”

You laugh a little bitterly, looking up, “I mean… it’s not my thing, I didn’t even go to prom but if everyone thinks it a good call and will help PR… I kinda feel like we should.”

Suddenly he feels kind of excited, having you on his arm, dancing with you… Of course, there’d be all the other people, press, and… He swallows hard. “Alright. We’re in.”

“Thank god.” Steve looks genuinely relieved.

With the gala on Saturday night, your relaxing Thursday afternoon immediately shifts. Now there are clothes to be chosen and fitted, logistics to discuss, various preparations to be made.

Bucky is drug off with Tony and Pepper takes you on. Tony gets his tailor on fitting a suit for Bucky immediately since apparently what Bucky had wasn’t suitable, despite the fact that Tony keeps insisting that the event isn’t super formal. It makes him think of when he’d let his sisters dress him up. Except he’s more annoyed and less endeared.

The next day you’re both back in fittings after breakfast. When you’re done it’s lunchtime and you both look spent. Still, it’s off to a meeting with Hill to cover security details, as much for the attendees as all of you.

Most everyone would enter at the beginning of the party, do the press thing, answer a few preselected questions, etc. When they’re going over this Steve looks like he wants to puke. It’s the one time Bucky’s happy he’s known for being an unstoppable murder machine.

The two of you and Bruce would hang back, coming in an hour after the others once the event actually starts. This doesn’t mean there won’t be some pictures snapped throughout the evening or even that people won’t attempt to interact with you all but it will take the pressure of being in the spotlight off. All that’s really asked is that you all stay for at least a half hour but if you need to leave that’s ok.

No weapons would be allowed into the building. All of you were welcome to arm yourselves as you saw fit. While they never anticipate anything to go wrong, few were bold enough to make a move inside Avenger’s Tower, after all, it never hurt to be prepared.

Saturday morning comes and you’re both already over it. His initial excitement has been smothered in anxiety and general annoyance with the whole process. Plus he knows as soon as he sees Tony, he’s going to have to once again make it clear that he’s not cutting his hair.

“Let’s just say we’re sick.” You press tighter into his side, burying your face in his chest.

His lips curl a touch as he strokes the back of your head. “Don’t think that’ll fly, doll.”

“Thirty minutes has never seemed so long in my life. And after Hydra, I feel like that’s saying something.” You roll over onto your back next to him.  

He can’t help but laugh. “It’ll be fine,” he tangles his fingers with yours. “Besides, didn’t Tony say he put together a great playlist?”

“Not worth it.” Your phone buzzes on your nightstand. Groaning you pick it up. “It shouldn’t take a whole day to get ready for anything ever. It’s just not right.”

“You’ll have fun, Nat’ll be there.” You slide him a sidelong glance. “Promise after this we’ll see about running off someplace for a few days. Sound good?”

You smile before pouncing on him, straddling his hips, kissing him hard. “The thought of having you all to myself for a few days may just get me through this.”

Your phone buzzes again and you go to get off, he pulls you back, “I think they can wait a minute.” He lifts his hips to fully press the hard length of him against you.

“I think you’re right Barnes.”

His good mood lasts until the exact second Tony asks about his hair for the sixth time in the last three days. “Stark, if you ask me one more time I swear to god I’ll-”

“Alright, alright,” Tony’s hands are up. “At least pull it back.”

“Planned on it.”

“Give him some credit, Tony, the man wasn’t raised by wolves,” Clint pipes up from the couch where he’s waiting to try his suit on too.

Bucky doesn’t see you for the rest of the day. Pepper planned what she swore would be a fun ‘girls day’ for all the women on the team. He hopes you’re having fun but as the clock ticks closer his anxiety over everything is peaking. Seeing you, he knows will calm some of it. He’d face anything with you by him.

You were all meeting in the common space for a toast before the majority of the team went down to kick things off. When he gets there, it’s just the guys, drinking whiskey and lounging.

“I guess you clean up alright Barnes.” Sam lifts his tumbler of amber liquid in Bucky’s direction.

“You don’t look terrible either, Wilson.”

“Psh,” Sam scoffs as Bucky takes a seat by Steve on the couch, “I know I look damn fine in this Armani. Not that you’d know taste if it hit you upside the head.”

Bucky has to admit, Sam’s burgundy suit is pretty sleek. He’d opted for something black. Its slim cut seems strange but it’s the style now. The jacket, Tony insisted, could be worn open and thank god this wasn’t something he needed a tie for. In fact, the perfectly tailored white button-up was open a few buttons, making it fairly comfortable.

It’s almost twenty minutes before the elevator dings. Everyone but you and Natasha file out. Tony catches Pepper up in a passionate kiss. Hill looks incredible in pants that hug her legs and what looks like a men’s blazer without a shirt under, very her. The other gals look great too.

Since time was getting tight Tony goes ahead and gathers everyone around, popping a bottle of champagne and pouring glasses. Finally, Natasha saunters in but oddly you’re not with her.

“Sorry I’m late, had to figure out where comfortably put a pistol,” Natasha announces. She’s in a bold number. Gold, short, strapless, with a triangle cut out showing her cleavage perfectly. 

“Told you not to go with the Versace,” Hill quips.

“Ok, but how could I not. Just look at me.” She flashes Bucky a smile, “Y/N is right behind me.”

On cue, the elevator doors open and you step out and Bucky’s jaw hits the floor. You’re radiant in a floor-length black gown, sheer from the waist down with black overlays resembling roses with crystals providing shimmer, the neckline plunges almost to your waist, your arms bare. Your hair is swept and pinned to one side, curls perfectly shielding half your face, your lips a deep blood red. 

“Woah.” Steve breathes out next to him. “I don’t know if you can handle that Buck.”

“You may be right,” Bucky can’t take his eyes off you as you float over to them.

“I feel slightly ridiculous.” You say exasperated as he wraps you in his arms.

“You look beautiful.”

You smile softly, a slight blush on your cheeks. “Thanks”

“I may have to take back what I said about your lack of taste, Barnes.” Sam teases before Tony shuts everyone up for the toast.

When the time finally comes to slip into the party you grab his metal hand so hard you’d likely break a regular Joe’s bones. Bruce goes first. Since you’re supposed to wait a few minutes he pulls you into him. Kissing you, his fingers grabbing your hair by the roots, body pressed tights against yours. Your panting when he releases you.

“You’re lucky this lipstick is magic.” He laughs noting it didn’t budge.

“Ready darlin’?”

“Now I am.”

Hand in hand you walk into the room. The door is tucked in a back corner so no one really notices either of you for a minute. That is until Captain America just has to pull up next to you both.

“Save me,” Steve whines.

Bucky can’t resist laughing at how visibly uncomfortable his best friend is. He clasps his free hand on Steve’s shoulder, “Come on, pal. Can’t be that bad.”

Honestly, it wasn’t bad at all. People keep a wary but curious distance from the two ex-Hydra agents in their midst. This means when the other team members want to have a minute away from their PR faces they just gravitate toward the two of you. He wants to dance with you but honestly, he’s too nervous to drag you out into the big middle of it all. It’s fun to watch the others dance and get a little silly though.

After a couple of hours, Tony and Pepper approach you.

“Come on,” Tony’s free hand grabs Bucky’s.

“What?” Bucky has no clue what Stark is playing at.

“Grab that gorgeous woman and get on the damn dance floor with us.”

Pepper smiles at you with a wink, “As much as I hate to agree with Tony, that Elie Saab you’re wearing is too beautiful to be a wallflower.”

A few light synth notes start and all the sudden you bust out laughing. “Foreigner?! Tony? Really?”

“This is a great song!” Tony’s face takes on a mock look of offense. Bucky doesn’t know the song but he’s not hating it, unlike some of the other stuff you had him listen to.

As the four of you begin to sway on the dance floor the crowd there thins out a bit. You’re still giggling in his arms. “Tony is such a lame ass.”

“What was that Sparky?” Tony shouts over the music.

“You’re a lame ass!” You shout back, Pepper belts a laugh and there are distinct snickers from the crowd.

You’re both laughing as he spins you out when the melodramatic chorus kicks in. The two of you manage some kind of waltz sway mashup, giggling like kids.

Natasha and Sam join you all and seem to be getting a kick out of the song choice too, singing along. As the song turns takes on a choral vibe you, Tony, and Pepper, along with a chunk of the crowd all join in. Bucky swears his face aches from smiling.

When it ends he can’t help but spin you into his arms and kiss you. A few whoops from around them makes it sink in just how public this is. Somehow he doesn’t really care. Your head falls back and your ringing laugh sends his heart soaring.

“Careful Tin Man,” Tony playfully elbows him, “wearin’ your heart on your sleeve there.” 

Bucky thinks that Tony Stark had never been more right in his life. 

[y01te-moved]

🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻

i almost cant even count how many this is but im doing every single one anyways and you cant stop me despite the fact that this obviously took me ages to actually answer

1: if ur reading this ur legally obligated to follow max (sender of this ask) Right Now. Just Do It.

2: i think more ppl with my sense of humor should watch Spider Riders bc listen..  if somewhere along the line that show suddenly gained more popularity again in this fine year of 2019 id be both actually funny for once but also revolutionary. by all technicalities some of my hcs are fucking great but i dont think i could say a lot of them and even be comprehensible outside of orientation based ones that are just rlly controversial. granted im not even sure i could or would actually recommend the show to people cause its kinda dumb a lot of the time and also fairly long at least to my standards so its harder to finish unless ur like really invested in it :pensive:

3: also on that note the next time a horny person even THINKS about Corona im Going to break into their home and then break their knees. i hate that she has so much fanart thats basically just fetish art or otherwise managing to be nsfw in some way shes like 15 at best fuck off!! its rlly only a problem on like. deviantart but it still makes me die inside.

4: character development is hard i never actually keep my ideas and what i have written down on like.  my actual bios for everyone on the same pace so its a confusing mess and i wish i was better at combating that

5: anon and kanon r such good loids i wish people used them more but i think a part of the problem is that i dont always look That hard for things that use them ahdbsadgashdj

6: alex is the best sdv bachelor and im not accepting criticism on that notion. 2nd best would probably be like..  sam except i havent tried hard enough to be friends with him yet which i feel bad abt bc he seems nice

7: i miss the cracking open a cold one with the boys meme that was still one of my favorites

8: (goes BACK to thinking about SR shdfjds) the anime had no right having like so many characters base their ideals off of how brade used to be in the past and all those good takes on like not necessarily Having to resort to violence as the ultimate solution and all that good stuff just to be like, “surprise!! he actually IS still around! but also he’s going to be minimally helpful at all until the last few episodes and otherwise we’re going to make a ton of gags about him trying to hit on the like 2 girls in the team who are also like 15 while he ignores practically everyone else because thats funny!” im still so mad about it. he is the absolute worst and he has no rights. there was also so much potential they seemed like they could have used and were trying to hint at using in terms of further developing more important details about the history of the inner world or at least some of the things that had been going on well before hunter ever showed up and then they didn’t do anything but hint at the idea of brade having known hunter’s grandfather. but even that wasn’t 100% confirmed bc they dodged around it the one time they had hunter ask. its a mess.

9: my taste is so fucking weird and i hate it bc its mostly just, “oh yeah i heard abt this thing and it seems cool im hoping to start getting into it soon!” for most things that are actually cool or popular or all that and never actually get into it, but then i see smth dumb as shit that i know would probably make me look like an absolute fool for liking and im like, “oh yeah yknow what i can do this one” and then i do like it but i cant say much about it either cause i dont wanna look like.   a fool.

10: these have been depressing as fuck so im gonna lighten the mood and say that himbo is a fucking hilarious word and i love it

11: also axel (kh) is a himbo. why? he just is.

12: im also bad at character design i think bc i always worry that my characters look too similar in terms of hair style like all the time and idk if its rlly that bad or not jfhgkf.  that and like. so many of my characters just wear jeans and boots in terms of the lower half of their body its so unoriginal but it always works so well…

13: still disappointed in myself for having never 100%’d even 1 tlodw game. lunatic mode.. Difficult

14: i dont keep up with ace attorney fans but i hope everyone out there agrees that miles has peak vampire energies based on the way he dresses alone

15: re:zero fans have no rights only bc i only ever see ppl talking abt rem and ram like. wh..   was no one ever going to tell me about reinhard or was i just supposed to watch him get introduced in the first few eps and then fall in love w/him immediately before even finding out hes supposed to be a knight which makes him 20x better

16: leon and/or leonhart is like genuinely a good name idk why it just sounds rlly nice

17: ive had like so many technical difficulties with this site since trying to answer this i hate tumblr

18: im pretty sure im like. genuinely just gonna go mute or some shit one day cause honestly ive mostly only ever gotten worse and worse about not actually being able to say things even when i know exactly what thought im trying to say, both physically and like. online. its so weird i feel like i just cant say things. it may just be being self conscious but i restrict myself soo heavily and its WEIRD….  its like being trapped in ur thoughts and it sucks.  probably doesnt even actually mean all that much but it still makes it hard for me to accomplish anything ever which i hate.

19: despite all the titles like ssbu and all that existing for the switch i think id only want one to play the new(er) inside system games i havent had the chance to yet like the spinoff card game and rudymical and also brave dungeon but w/neville and klinsy and whoever else was dlc on that game cause obviously i own the 3ds port but also neville..  good…  i wanna see how she plays..

20: i miss when i could be passionate abt cave story it just makes me feel tired seeing it sometimes at this point but it also still holds a great significance to me so its just confusing and im not sure how i feel abt it

21: the SR novels were cowards only on account of not giving us any official design for petra but also for writing igneous like.  That.  novelverse igneous is just too bitter in general and like i get it but they couldve done a lot more with him even though he is still somewhat respectable in the end, granted its hard cause like holy shit hes so fucking mean to hunter literally who asked for that. im just glad the anime let him be somewhat more idk..  i guess sociable while still keeping a lot of the inherently essential aspects his personality had like his almost over the top loyalty to the prince and taking things like training/combat in general very seriously. its just good and animeverse igneous is so good id die for him thanks for coming to my tedtalk

[cipherr]

what kind of dark place is Eralei in and how does our resident cinnamon roll Sith rediscover happiness? if you're comfortable w/ spoiling that much before the Great Eralei Fic, i mean. (i know there's been at least one other anon, probably more b/c your OCs are beyond gorgeous 😍 i totally get you tho, im super shy when it comes to sharing stuff about my characters too)

you are making my life complete, anon. ily <3

OOH BOY. i think the best way to answer that first part is to go more in depth  on her life and her character. i don’t want to spoil too much, especially about the whole Wrath thing, though if anyone is super curious about that and wants to know please feel free to message me and i will spoil it for you :’D 

this is gonna get long, but it’s important stuff, since i haven’t openly posted this much in-depth about Eralei before c: i uhhhh apologize in advance LOL

and to anyone who cares to read all of it (but please don’t feel obligated bc it is…a lot…) you are a saint, and i love you. amen.

so Eralei comes from a noble Imperial family, long-standing and proud and very steeped in their traditions. she was always particularly gentle, though; inherently kindhearted and soft, she had plans to eventually use her standing to work towards stability and peace rather than squabbling for more power. that all got turned on its head when her Force sensitivity was discovered, a bit later than most maybe, when she was about sixteen. suddenly she wasn’t to become the future Lady of her house anymore… she was to become Sith, to become powerful and strong and be a great source of pride for her family just like all the others in her bloodline before her who happened to have such a ‘gift.’ to that end, she was given her family’s traditional markings on her face, a permanent reminder of who and what she is and always will be. go and become Sith and bring pride to her family…or don’t come back at all.she was given a private trainer for a year or so, teaching her the basics of combat techniques to give her a fighting chance, and then she was whisked away to Korriban, and she follows the Warrior storyline from there.

in her early days, both in the academy and as an apprentice, she was fueled by fear. she was terrified of the other Sith, but of course she couldn’t let it show. she masked it, used its strength to survive. she desperately played the part of the dutiful apprentice, the proper young Sith, because that was all she knew to do. she avoided being needlessly cruel whenever possible, and on the occasions where she’d be expected to enforce her power and authority on ‘lesser’ beings, usually because she was being watched, she did so with great remorse. she didn’t trust anyone around her, least of all Darth Baras. she knew from the start that he was only going to use her and then dispose of her, she just had to do her best to survive and bide her time until then.

but what hurt her the most was how she’d be treated by non-Sith. some would cower and grovel like they were expected to do, yes, and that just broke her heart. but worse than that were the ones who treated her like just another monster, who assumed she’d be like all the rest, who wouldn’t even give her the chance to prove herself. she even ran into Jedi who would immediately taunt or provoke her, assuming she would be hostile, sometimes even trying to goad her into swinging first so that they’d have an excuse to fight.she was quickly realizing that no matter where she went or what she did, she would be met with fear or hatred. 

the absolute last thing she wanted was to be just another Sith monster, but as time went on and she got herself deeper and deeper, into her apprenticeship and into Sith politics and lifestyle, it became harder and harder for her to hold onto her ideals. she couldn’t always talk her way out of violence, or spare someone without getting caught. her survival instinct took over, and in order to not appear weak to the other Sith, she had to act like one more often. and…it became easier. she found herself raising a hand to choke the life out of someone, out of frustration or impatience, without giving it a second thought. she was in a hurry, damn it, and they were making things difficult. if they wouldn’t give her their cooperation, she would just force it out of them, and then leave them on the floor gasping for breath. but at least they were alive, right?

but this terrified her. it came so easily. she was so wrapped up in doing whatever she felt was necessary for her survival, so wrapped up in playing her role, that it started to become second nature. worst of all, for the first time since leaving her home, she started to feel strong. she started to feel that she might have a chance of survival after all. but at what cost?

she has her moments of ‘weakness,’ where she snaps and, fueled by her fear or her anger or whatever else, becomes at least briefly consumed. those moments soon pass and she’s left wondering what’s she’s truly becoming..and eventually wonders if it’s even worth fighting against.

i mean, if she’s going to play pretend and act like a Sith, why not just make it real? why try to deny it all? she’s becoming strong, she’s becoming respected…feared, too, but that’s just the way things are. maybe this really is who and what she was meant to be all along, and trying to fight back against it is just prolonging her misery. why not just give in?

except…that’s not her. it’s not who she is. deep inside, she knows this, and it never really goes away. she finds no more satisfaction in just giving in to it all…in fact, she just feels hollow. and she’s aware enough to realize she can’t sustain that, either.

eventually, she comes into her own and finds more of a balance. she’s not so soft anymore, but she retains her good heart. she finds meaning in being Sith in her own way. you don’t need to be cruel and power-hungry to be Sith, you don’t need to trample everyone else underfoot for personal gain. she allows her feelings and emotions and passions to fuel and strengthen her, rather than hold herself back out of fear. for a time, she’s actually doing pretty well.

then, of course, the entire galaxy gets thrown into absolute chaos :’))

all of this stuff from her past starts to resurface again, later on during the expansions. (spoilers ahead for everything up to where we are now, obviously, but i feel like most people know what’s going on by now)this time she’s making difficult decisions that affect way more than just herself… she has a lot of people watching her and depending on her now. her personal vendetta against Vitiate/Valkorion (for Personal Spoiler Reasons) begins to cloud her mind and consume her as well. she can barely stand to live with herself, knowing he’s rattling around in her head. and her sheer rage against him and his actions, and what she sees his son becoming, almost completely overtakes her. the Eralei of twelve years ago might have seen that there could be a way to give Arcann a chance, but so much has changed since then, and she’s stressed out and struggling and exhausted. in her eyes, Arcann is just on his way to becoming another Valkorion, and she does everything in her power to prevent that from happening…losing a lot in the process. Senya’s death, by her own hand, hits her very very hard. Senya was more of a mother figure to her than her own mother, but she didn’t stand down, and Eralei felt–in that moment–that she had no choice. it’s one of the biggest events that leads to her breaking, and one of her deepest regrets.

and then the whole traitor thing puts her even more on edge, she’s dealing with more Personal Spoilery Things relating to her past that are coming back to haunt her and actually threatening her life, and Theron comes in with that ‘betrayal’ and the whole “you’re becoming what we’ve fought against” thing (which WE know is bullshit, and HAVE known is bullshit, but…she doesn’t know that. all she hears is one of her closest allies affirming her worst–and oldest–fears. that she’s just another monster, and she’s been blind to it this whole time, until it’s too late.)

as for how she pulls back out of it all and becomes herself again… you will just have to wait and see 8) (honestly, i’m still working a lot of the details out myself.)

but yes! that’s Eralei. she’s complicated and confusing and a bit contradictory sometimes, but i’ve never had this much fun with a character or a story before, so i’m just having the time of my life :’D

i hope i’m not sounding redundant but thank you again, having someone else take an interest in my characters and their stories means more to me than i could possibly put into words. <3

[treeplays]

ok so final season thoughts so far...

the positives:

opening credits sequence and music!

360-degree camera!

new combat style is great

new graphics look is sooo much better

collectables!

ending choice slides & character status!

"your relationship has changed"!

episode runtime is finally decent

i like the idea of the main cast this season all being clem's age, so it's equals interacting with each other for once instead of it constantly being clem versus the adult world 

that basement sequence! (the lead-up, the darkness, the blood-red flashlight, the lightning, the sounds, gahhhhh!) 

also loved the train station car getaway

the negatives:

again with the horrible generic main menu design & no chapter select option

again choosing to hang out with x character means you miss out on character development for the other. no rewind means it's even harder to go back and see it for yourself

no cumulative effect for relationships- i'm not positive bc i haven't tested it thoroughly myself but from what i can tell it seems that the outcome of relationship states are tied to single lines of dialogue rather than your decisions throughout. which is... not great especially ie for aj, "dont hesitate" = pragmatic rather than "save a bullet for yourself" which = ruthless. not only does it feel backwards (is that a bug?) but even if you're completely consistent you still can end up with an aj opposite to everything you've done, just bc of a single line of dialogue. doesn't feel right. especially with all the "aj is watching" emphasis. hope it's a bug tbh bc that just makes things sooo predictable.

i'm not a huge fan of the story builder that shows at the beginning of the episode. i mean the art is gorgeous but it seems so transparent how certain decisions are designated either important or completely inconsequential. and it prompted me to fill in the blank with some decisions while with others it automatically detected my past choices. ??? And with barely any mention of ANF at all it's just :/ are u really that obviously just throwing it out the window, telltale?? why even bother ghhhggggg i love javi but i STILL don't understand why they went with his storyline for instead of sticking with clem for a season 3. especially with so many different "#myclem" ending slides for a new frontier, like, you just know that it's all pointless :(((((( plus the disconnect with ANF's ruthless bloodthirsty clem no matter your past decisions, she feels like a completely different character from seasons 1 and 2, it just feels weird especially when you can have her go all "softy" again in the final season. lol like this clem is too reasonable, ANF clem is just a different person

anyway i really want to find out what happened at the ranch, and also Richmond?? why would clem not go back if she was good friends with javi? or maybe she did and something happened???

also there's a known bug with a s2 ending- staying at wellington doesn't register in the game. so my clem didn't have the cheek scar but i swear i got a glimpse of kenny's hat as she was taking things out of her backpack in the piano room. or maybe it was just her own hat lol but i'm sad i got so excited for a minute thinking aj was finally going to get to wear it! hopefully they'll get it fixed but i also don't understand / hate that the story builder doesn't account for these things so it's just like Okayyyy well that obv doesn't matter then ughh

[pikapegasus]

“Your feet are freezing.” For the starmora prompts thingy

“Your feet are freezing.”

our usual mixture of fluff and angst here, bc why the hell not !!! ft. gamora’s really cold feet

send me a ship + a prompt about your ship sharing a bed!!

Whenever Peter sleeps with Gamora—just sleeping, mind you, their relationship isn’t quite there yet—he actually, like, sleeps through the night, experiencing alot less nightmares than when he sleeps alone. Despite her somewhat coldexterior upon first meeting, Peter’s found her to be quite warm when she opensup.

As helpful as she is in combating nightmares, though, she’snot quite the best when it comes tosharing the bed, whether it be stealing the blanket or nearly pushing him off the bed in her sleep.

(”I didn’t do it,” she insists innocently every time. “You’re just clumsy.”

“How can I be clumsy when I’m asleep!”)

She also moves. Like, a lot. It’s not very stealthy for anassassin, but he’s felt her readjust her position at least ten times in one night before (yes, he counted and, yes, he is that petty). They’ll start out parallel toeach other, and wake up completelyperpendicular, Gamora just lying across him like he’s another pillow for her. He’s notsure if he finds it bewildering or endearing.

Anyway, at least it’s a peaceful, nightmare-free zone.

Most of the time, at least.

Tonight, he wakes up to her moving more than usual, though she’sstill on her side of the bed. He manages to put two and two together through thehaze of sleep in his brain, labeling her movement as tossing and turning beforereaching out a hand to shake her awake.

“Hey, hey, wake up,” he mumbles, still half-asleep. “It’sjust a dream, Gamora.”

He yawns and she turns to him, slowly stirring. As he movescloser to her, she kicks a foot out toward him, landing squarely on hisstomach.

“Ow!”

Of course, thatwakes Gamora up from her dream, and she looks up at him tiredly. “Did I justkick you?”

“Not as hard as I’m sure you could’ve kicked me,” he sayswith a shrug, pushing her foot away and scooting closer to her. “Your feet are freezing! Why are they so cold? How are they so cold?”

“I get cold sometimes,” she answers simply, pulling the coversmore tightly over herself. Then her expression softens. “I’m sorry I woke you.And kicked you.”

“It’s fine, don’t worry about it,” he reassures her. “Evenin your sleep, you go easy on me.”

“Of course.” She smirks. “You’re fragile.”

“Ha, ha, thanks for being so considerate.” He finds her handunder the covers and takes it gently, running his thumb over her knuckles. “Youokay? It looked like you were having a nightmare.”

“I’m fine,” she says with a shrug, looking up at theceiling. “Just some bad memories.”

“Wanna talk about it?”

“Honestly, I don’t really remember what memories they were specifically.Mostly just memories of home.”

Home. It’s apainful subject between them, for everyoneaboard the Quadrant, because it was the lack of a home that brought them alltogether, after all. (And everyone had pretty much lost their home world insome tragic way.)

“I know how that goes.” He offers her a sad smile. “Do youmiss it? Your planet?”

“Always,” she whispers, then turns her eyes back to his. “You?”

“Yeah. I mean, Earth is still around, but without my mom, it’sjust…”

He trails off, but he knows she understands.

“Do you ever think about the ‘what if’s?” he asks then. “Like,what if the bad things that happened didn’thappen, and you got to grow up normally?”

She smiles a little. “When I was younger, I loved readingstories, especially ones about warriors and legendary war heroes in ourhistory. I wanted to be like them, though there were no wars to be fought,at the time; my people were fairly peaceful. I like to think that if Thanos never came, maybe I would havebecome a storyteller myself, writing my own stories of warriors for adventurouschildren like myself.”

Whenever Gamora opens up about her past, Peter shuts himselfup quickly to give her the space to share, because he’s noticed how much harderit is for her than for him. She’s getting better though, opening up more to himas he does to her, and her childhood stories of Zen-Whoberi are some of Peter’sfavorites.

“That explains how you always have such good stories to tellGroot,” he teases.

“I was a well-read child,” she says. “What about you, if youstayed on Terra?”

“Well, if my mom hadn’t gotten sick, I always wanted tolearn more about space, because of the stories she’d tell me.” He pauses. “The non-Ego stories. I never had a lot offriends growing up, though, so I would probably stick with her for a long time. Makeenough money to take her on trips around the world and such. It’s funny; I’vetraveled to all these different planets all over the galaxy, yet never left myhometown while on Earth. Maybe she and I could’ve traveled the world together.”

Now it’s just a “what could have been.” Ego made sure ofthat.

“But, hey,” he continues, squeezing Gamora’s hand, “consideringhow much bad shit we both went through, we ended up in a pretty okay place, Ithink.”

“Yeah.” She nods. “I think so, too.”

She opens her arms then, so he wraps his arms around her, settling his head over her upper chest. He tightens his hold on her.

“Now you can’t move all over the bed in your sleep,” he saysplayfully, closing his eyes. “I’ve trapped you.”

“Foolish Star-Lord,” she responds with a yawn, “nothing canstop me, not even you.”

When he wakes up hours later with her (freezing) feet in his face, he’ll have to admit, she was right.

send me a ship + a prompt about your ship sharing a bed!!

[worstchosen]

everything you didnt already answer!

flower crown: when did you last sing to yourself?earlier while working on memorizing the next song i wanna cover ;)))

fairy lights: if a crystal ball could tell you the truth about anything, what would you want to know?i guess i’d like to know around when my mental health starts to get a lot better

daisies: what is the greatest accomplishment of your life?i don’t know, but a really proud moment for me was when my guitar teacher called me his star guitar student :’)

1975: what is the first happy memory that comes to mind, recent or otherwise?singing the song i wrote about jay to him

matte: if you knew that in one year you would die suddenly, would you change anything about the way you are now living?i have genuinely no idea

black nail polish: do you have a bucket list? if so, what are the top three things?1) die…… im kIdding i don’t have one lol

pantone: describe a person close to your life in detail.i’m pretty sure dirty blonde hair, but that’s just from my memory and my memory is terrible. blue eyes, freckles, which she hates but i think they’re what makes her her. she’s so pretty honestly, i don’t think she believes me when i tell her. she’s tall and probably my favorite person to hug because of her height. she tries her best to stay happy and positive constantly, even when she’s struggling and hurting, we’re very similar in that way. i really appreciate it. she helps me feel calm when she’s being idiotic, she’s just so wonderful and i’m so lucky to have her close, since she has many friends. she’s my beautiful best friend and i don’t think she realizes how much we all admire her. i cried writing this. it’s about kylee. gosh i love her. (also she was just the first to come to my head)

moodboard: do you feel you had a happy childhood?for the most part, yes

stars: when did you last cry in front of another person?wednesday

plants: pick a person to stargaze with you and explain why you picked them.jay; i mean, he’s my boyfriend. and my tag for him is ‘my stars’. and stars calm me, he calms me. i love the stars, i love him. there’s similarities between the two and it would just be lovely.

converse: would you ever have a deep conversation with a stranger and open up to them?nope nope nope

handwriting: if you were about to die, and you could only say one more sentence to one person, what would you say and to whom?i’d probably tell jay how much i love him and how great he is. that’s really tough gosh.

cactus: what is your opinion on brown eyes?they’re so beautiful. something about them, they’re just stunning.

sunrise: pick a quote and describe what it means to you personally.i genuinely can’t think of any quotes that mean something to me

overalls: what would you do with one billion dollars?visit jay. go on some kind of trip with him and my 3 close friends

combat boots: are you a very forgiving person? do you like being this way?i am. there’s a person who i forgave so many times and i regret it. so much. i wish i weren’t as forgiving

winged eyeliner: write a hundred word letter to your twelve year old self.i dont remember enough about my 12 year old self to do this

tattoos: how do you feel about tattoos and piercings? explain.tattoos are cool, piercings are cool. i would never get many myself but there so cool on other people

piercings: do you wear a lot of makeup? why/why not?nope, i don’t where any. don’t think it suits me

bands: talk about a song/band/lyric that has affected your life in some way.dodie has helped me a lot in accepting who i am and just her music calming me and such

messy bun: the world is listening. pick one sentence you would tell them.calm down, be quiet and kind.

cry baby: list the concerts you have been to and talk about how they make you feel.5sos; at the time, it was great because i really loved them, but know the memory’s just kinda meh.dodie, tessa, rusty, jesse; the best night of my life. all four are so talented. i’m so glad i was able to go. meeting dodie was a great experience.

grunge: who in the world would you most like to receive a letter from and what would you want it to say?probably jay but i don’t really know what i’d like it to say. i don’t know.

space: do you have a desk/workspace and how is it organised/not organised?i don’t have one, sadly.

white bed sheets: what is your night time routine?take meds, take out contacts, lay in bed until i’m tired enough to sleep

beaches: if you had to dye your hair how would you dye/style it and why?i’d dye it pastel pink!! just bc it’s my fav color

eyes: pick five people to go on an excursion with you. who would you pick and where would you go/what would you do?well i’d go with jay, riley, kylee, anahi, and ariel (my step-sister) but im so indecisive idk where we’d go

11:11: name three wishes and why you wish for them.1; to be with jay. all the time. constantly. because it’s tough not being with him now, although we haven’t met, and i don’t want to just meet him, you know? because then it’ll be even harder.2; for people to stop assuming genders/making jokes about gender/just accept everyone. i’m tired of people assuming and being rude about it all.3; to meet all the phetuses. we’re literally like a family and it would be so cool to just hang with them all.

lightning: what’s the worst thing you’ve ever done while drunk or high?i’ve never gotten drunk or high and i never will get drunk or high

storms: you can only listen to one song for the rest of your life, or only see one person for the rest of your life. which and why?song; i can’t handle only being able to see one person. i would go insane. you don’t have to constantly listen to the song, but it’s either being alone, or with that one person and i’m sure it would get kind of frustrating?

love: have you ever fallen in love? describe what it feels like to realise you’re in love.i have. it’s like. a flower blooming inside of you; coming to life. absorbing the sunlight that seemingly radiates off the person you love, and it feels like you have a part or the person with you. all the time.

clouds: as a person, would you rock nail polish? or short hair? (i changed this one bc it had EXTREME gender roles smh.)yes and yes. i paint my nails all the time. i have short hair.

coffee: what’s your starbucks order, and who would you trust to order for you, if anyone?i don’t go to starbucks

marble: what is the most important thing to you in your life right now?probably the stuff i’ll be sending jay. it’s weird but it’s very important to me.

[thegeminisage]

TODAY’S ZELDABLOGGING, which has ENDGAME SPOILERS (yes i beat it):

all right i got about ~3 hours to get my shield and beat zelda lets fucking do this

the temple of time music is breaking my heart

this is one place where i'm mostly ok with them not using a classic tune for it tbh

like this music has so much grief and tranquility

i used to think the plateau was SO huge and really it's almost miniscule

i know it's a bit of a waste of time but i'm making the final trek on foot, no fast travel, temple of time to the castle

So Many Guardians

i can fight them now but only if theyre in the right place too close or far away and i cant do it

on a side note: yesterday (?) i found a beautiful pink spring i took many pictures of

today i saw that glowing spot on the map and realized i'd never figured out what it was!

dropped a pin bc i was curious, and it's the pink spring

temptation to warp over, check it out, and warp back: astronomical

but i'm on both a mission and a time limit, so it'll have to wait

ok. ok. im Here. its Time. lets go. shield first. that is My Shield, and the stalnox Cannot have it

there's a door i can't figure out how to open :/

ah, i see the stalnox

but i want that door!

google isn't helping me so i guess i have to leave it??

ok, all abilities fully charged, 3 fairies, plenty of food. i can do this. i almost killed one by accident once. that is MY SHIELD.

oh my god its got SWORDS stuck all in it jesus FUCK

my first shot did a lot of damage! but im wearing the atk+ armor which i can't keep on, it's a glass cannon

oh my god that was so EASY?

i kicked its ASS LMAO

YESSSS THERES MY SHIELD OH YES

holy shit when my swoprd strikes something in here it sounds like cannon fire! steady glowing too

i don't think there's one right way to go here so i'm gonna try to explore as much as i can

i've been spoiled by the fact that zelda has a diary laying out somehwere so i wanna find it for myself

ohhh the remains of the red carpet in here

i'm actually next to the tower i climed before, apparently i was just shy of exploring all there was to see up there...i'll see if i can have another look

lol i decide that and it IMMEDIATELY begins with the lightning storm

i found it!!! oh god was this her bedroom ;_;

AAAH SHE TALKS ABOUT LINK

he's quiet and persostent and can't resist a good meal

and it talks about why he never speaks ;_;

I LOVE THIS HE HAS A PERSONALITY!!!!

omg she even talks about her mother ;_;

A WOMAN NOT OF THIS EARTH

the goddess hylia or was it fi?? oh my god.......

WORTH IT!!!

found the guard chambers ;_; this all hurts my heart, so much was just Lost

oh my god no THE BLOOD MOON...

huh. no cutscene here

honestly fighting my way thru moblins in hyrule castle...haha man

ohhhh the library ): i bet zelda loved it here

oh my god they even had docks under the castle!!!

oh NO i found the king's journal

he hated being cruel to her and was gonna be kind when she got back but instead the last time they really saw each other they were fighting!!!

still doesn't give him an excuse tbh but i can find a SLIVER of sympathy now

okay so........now i've explored all the insides. i go out?? i.......fight ?????

oooohh god im scared again ))):

oh shit oh Shit i found it oh god

im looking up a walkthru to read after the fight starts i dont need any more surprises

ZELDA?

OH MY GOD HE'S DISGUSTING HE'S SPIDER LIKE I AM SHRIEKING WHY IS IT ALWAYS SPIDERS

YEAAHH BOY HALF HEALTH FUCK YOU GANON

I HAVE COURAGE!!!!

ooh he has guardian weapons

ok yes walkthru

GOD LMAO if you dont free the divine beasts you have to fight the minibosses here

oh god this is gonna be tough

haha "guardian weapons will break your shield" NOT MY SHIELD

i mean yes it can break but its Highly durable and replacements can be made if it does

OH GOD HE'S GROSS HE'S BUGLIKE WHY WHY

GANON THE MAN WOULD HAVE BEEN SO MUCH BETTER

i mean i know. they had us fight a manlike thing in ss AND tp but. i miss him

oooh down to 25%

YES FUCK THERE HE GOES

eeeew

im ready for phase 2 baby

there's gotta be one right there ALWAYS is

YES here we go

AAAH I GOT THE BOW OF LIGHT

oh no i dont have epona though just a different horse im sad i should have left her out

BUT HE LOOKS JUST LIKE GANON THAT I KNOW

OH MY GOD THE FINAL BOSS MUSIC IS THE TRAILER MUSIC

THE MAIN THEME AT LEAST

WE'RE ON HYRULE FIELD NEVER DID I SUSPECT THIS WOULD BE OUR BATTLEGROUND

I DID IT!!!!

ZELDA

BEAUTIFUL SWEET YOUNG BRAVE ZELDA WITH HER MUDSTAINED DRESS

oh my g o d

"may i ask, do you really remember me"

oh my god...oh my god

ANSWER HER?

AND NOW CREDITS? IM DYING

ohhh the credits showed a bit of everybody and despite myself when they played the trailer song and showed the old man/the plateau i welled up we've come so far

HEY THERE'S SHIGERU MIYAMOTO'S NAME HEYYYYYYYY

awww that was the last song of the trailer

A STINGER

THANK GOD

ohh my god 

IF THE SPIRITS OF THE CHAMPIONS AND THE OLD MAN WATCHING LINK AND ZELDA WEREN'T AN OOT NOD....

OH MY GOD ONE MORE SECOND AND ZELDA COULD HAVE MET EYES WITH HER FATHER

jesus christ, old man disappeared last too, my HEART

theyre gonna restore hyrule!! they're gonna travel together again!!

okay i GOTTA load my file and see what's what

awww it's the one i saved right before the battle i thought there was post-game content...?

it does have a little star next to it tho

ah well

that was.......incredible

and i cried

so there's that

man!!!!! im so, so glad

what a good game

honest crit: no, it wasn't PERFECT

i could have stood more classic tunes to punch me in the feels more often and give us more of that old #aesthetic since they changed SO much about everything else - at times it didn't even quite feel like a zelda game, though the reminders that it WAS were always heartbreaking and wonderful

also maybe this was just my playstyle but i feel like there could have been more than just the four dungeons since they were so short...i know the dungeon-y puzzle stuff was spread all around with koroks and shrines, but is One big dungeon too much to ask? even hyrule castle had 1000 ways you could have gotten through

could have stood a little more acknowledgement of who you were and what you were doing as the divine beasts started waking up? like from npcs and shit, not even for Glory or whatever but just because the story felt reeeeeeally spread out, even with the memories scattered everywhere

and again a little bias here but some of the battles once you began getting Up There were a little TOO fake-difficult...i saw white bokoblins in old old places so i know it has to do with You, not your location, and i could have lived w/o it tbh

would have loved some form of new game + or postgame content, but maybe i'm just sad bc i misunderstood a spoiler or w/e it was that happened

things i loved:

the music

the cinematics, holy shit

the voice acting

when they DID use classic tunes it was to INCREDIBLE effect, same with the castle style, the ruins, even the nostalgic armor

obviously the open world gameplay was delightful and addicting, i literally couldn't get enough

the final boss battle wasn't too hard but VERY climactic and wonderful, just difficult Enough - could have maybe been a BIT harder but then i did start with him at half health!!

the dungeons, while there weren't enough of them, were EXTREMELY cool, i felt DWARFED by those beasts, after i saw the first one i never called them jaegers again

actually kind of liked the weapon durability thing bc then i could just pick them up during combat when i was running low and steal them or fight with them, throw them, etc

did not like the BOW durability, all my bows broke VERY quickly, that and running out of arrows always was totally urgh...even with my weapons inventory upgraded i STILL couldn't hold all the cool ones the game threw at me, it needed to be like that for players that favored the bow - more of them that were OP, more arrows, etc

anyway i could go on and on but

i gotta sleep, and

i'm so happy zelda is free

it would have been so cool to have her as a companion in post-game, Somehow

or at least see her reunion with all those who missed her

or see link get his memories back

it ended a bit too soon but it was beautiful and i loved it

goodnight

[hongism]

im so alone im sad and im also sad bc all the asks are about mists of celeste but here i am and telling you im feeling depressed im sorry why do i do this 😭😭😭

baby :c you don’t EVER have to apologize, my ask box is always open for anything and everything and i don’t mind one bit i promise you 🥺 even tho i get a lot of asks about mists, that’s not all i care about and i always enjoy just getting to chat about anything in the world with you guys :( loneliness is one of the hardest feelings to deal with in my opinion, and it’s made especially hard because of the way the world is right now. even if we’re introverts or antisocial or don’t even like people all too much, loneliness can affect us, and it’s such an intense and plaguing feeling. i know how that feelings, and it always pains me to hear that someone is going through that, no matter who they are :c

there aren’t many effective ways to combat loneliness when it hits super hard, but as someone who does struggle with that from time to time as a symptom of other issues, i can say that some things that help me when i’m in a slump include calling or texting someone even if it’s someone i see often, watching videos that are light-hearted and make me laugh, and taking some time for myself. it’s easy to get bogged down by emotions, and it’s much harder to pull yourself out of a slump, but you never have to apologize for feeling sad or depressed or anything like that because your feelings are valid and important :c i love you lots bby and you deserve the world and everything good in it 🥺🧡