#because I feel like everyone's sick of me by now

[dadvans]

my favorite line in the entire bucktommy saga is maddie's reading of "wait, it's the same tommy?" because at that point you know this girl has been THROUGH IT way too many times in a short period, like:

her soon-to-be husband comes home. he just fake called out sick from work to fly into a hurricane with his closest coworkers, her disaster-prone brother she mostly raised included, to save his boss and his wife. he tells her all about it, adrenaline still pumping the day after he comes back from the COAST OF MEXICO, and is like, no, it's fine! see, my old co-worker tommy works in air ops and I saved his life once, and we used to be super tight--[insert 10 minute off-topic backstory about how tommy used to be a jackass but now he's different here]--until he moved away, and funny enough, buck was the guy who filled in for him? anyways, tommy's the coolest, we could've died but we didn't! how was your shift at dispatch, honey

her brother she pretty much raised comes over and also brings up this tommy guy. yeah, he's so cool! do you think it would be weird if i called him up and asked for a tour of harbor? he just seemed like a neat guy, i want to be his friend, you think chim would put in a good word for me?

her brother she pretty much raised comes over AGAIN and is like, okay FUCK this tommy guy, he's so cool and knows everyone and his meat is huge!!! my best friend likes him more than me and they're doing things without me and i'm so sad about this in a really abstract way, can i please have a bagel

her soon-to-be husband comes home in the middle of this and is like, yeah he's cool and knows everyone and his meat is definitely huge. LOVE that guy!

her brother she pretty much raised shows up at her workplace and is like, remember how i was experiencing jealous thoughts and feelings because the coolest guy i've ever met with the biggest meat isn't paying attention to me and is new besties with my best friend? i may have caused bodily harm about this and yes i did involve your almost husband as a co-conspirator

approximately 2-to-3 business days pass where she experiences quiet. maybe too much quiet

her brother she pretty much raised comes over for a fourth time and is like, i lied to my best friend who i was just telling you i was angry at and s l i g h t l y injured because he kept hanging out with this other guy i was trying to hang out with and totally unrelated but i went on this date with someone and lied to my best friend about it and oh yeah it's the same guy but that is so besides the point it's not even worth mentioning

justice for maddie

[buckyalpine]

I was thinking about Bucky. A beefy Bucky. A beefy mob Bucky. Who is such a simp. I think now is the perfect time to talk about it cause I need some fluff and look at that, it's also my favorite @wifeofbarnes birthday!

Happy birthday sweet angel, I hope you have one filled with so much love ❤️️❤️️

-

Imagine a brooding beefy mob Bucky pining after his rivals sweet, shy daughter. He has no business liking her, her father was always teetering on the edge of putting a bullet between Bucky's eyebrows but Bucky couldn't help it. She's too cute. Too sweet. Everyone knows there's something between you both between the fleeting glances and the number of times Bucky's left with a blush on his cheeks whenever your around.

For someone who hates meetings, he's more than fond of going to your estate to talk over business with a man he hates so much. He's going to go to every single one of those meeting if it means he gets to see you. He never gets more than a few moments, no more than a few words before he's dragged away by Steve who isn't trying to get stabbed by one of your bodyguards.

-

Bucky swirls his crystal glass, the ice in clinking against each other as he takes a sip of amber liquid, seated at a private booth at the back of the club. The alcohol that's already warming his body heats him up even more when he sees you laughing and giggling with your friends, a cute little birthday girl tiara on top of your head.

Fuck, you were so perfect.

"You're staring again, you creep" Steve snorts but Bucky pays him no mind. He's too busy looking at you in your pretty dress, your hips swaying to the music. Tipsy, maybe even a little drunk, love sick Bucky wants nothing more than to get a moment alone with you but he's smart enough to wait.

Well, sort of.

"Go distract her bodyguards"

"You're going to get us killed"

"Then you'll die knowing it was for a good cause"

Sam and Steve shake their head as they wander off to find your security team, quietly instigating a small scuffle to keep them occupied. You step outside waiting for your car to pull up, frowning when a large black truck stops in front of you instead. The door opens and-

"Bucky, what are you doing!" you squeak as he pulls you into the back of his SUV, setting you on his lap before telling his driver to park in a secluded area and to leave for a "smoke break".

"I wanted to say hi" Bucky shrugs innocently as if its the most obvious thing in the world.

"And this is how you decided to say hi?" You giggle, feeling butterflies bustle around your tummy being so close to him. You could smell his cologne and the warm scent of whiskey clinging onto his lips; you wanted nothing more than to bury yourself into him. The pink on his cheeks deepened at you caught him in his little act, pretending he wasn't admiring you from afar the whole time.

"I didn't know it was your birthday" He shrugs again while you try to wiggle off his lap, worried someone might see you but he huffs and holds you tighter. "The windows are tinted" he reads your mind without you saying anything, feeling your body relax slightly.

"Wish you'd said hi to me earlier" You say with a sigh and Bucky doesn't like the way you look sad now. You would've loved to spend more time with him instead of hiding away like this.

"I can drop you home" He offers with a boyish smile and you shake your head because it's far too risky and there's no way you'd be able to get away with it and sneak it past your father.

"Not unless you plan on posing as the cleaning lady-

"I can do that"

"Bucky-

"I can pull off a maids dress"

"James"

"Then how about a birthday kiss" He cocked his head to the side playfully and you swear your cheeks couldn't get any hotter.

"Bucky-

"Just one birthday kiss?" He pouts and you can't believe this mass of tattoos and muscle is giving you puppy eyes with his pink bottom lip jutting out.

"I-

"Please, sugar?" He whispers, his fingers tracing nimble little shapes on your hips while you chew your lip nervously, giving him a nod because you can no longer formulate words. He leans down to press his lips softly against yours and you sigh at the little whimper he lets out, his hands pawing at you to hold you closer. He feels all warm and fuzzy on the inside, letting his arms hug your body extra tight.

"Another?" He whispers, lips brushing against yours with a plea in his voice and you giggle, kissing him again.

"One more?"

"Bucky"

"Please?" He smiles when you kiss him until you're both breathless, only pulling away when you need air.

-

Imagine how cute he'd be trying to spend more time with you as discreetly as possible. You're usually at home so that's his best bet so he'll work with what he can.

"Why is this large fuck around my house so often" Your father rubbed his temples seeing another message for a meeting to go over shipments and territories. "Seriously, he's here almost every week"

Bucky is able to pull it off for a bit but honestly not for long. He's sitting across your father and it's gotten to the point his guards don't bother waiting by the door because Bucky isn't even a threat. He always comes and goes like it's his own house and they're not blind, silently betting over if this will end in a war or wedding.

"For fucks sake are you here to see me or my daughter" your father finally huffs, no longer able to take Bucky's blushing and shifting after you left his office to give him a coffee. "You're here to see her, aren't you"

Bucky nods like a school child who got caught cause knows he hasn't been discreet with his crush. Your father contemplates tossing Bucky into the lake with rocks tied to his ankles but he's also seen the way you look at him and there's no doubt the feelings are mutual.

"God damnit"

Imagine wedding and 2 babies later, Bucky is still just as in love with you. The cutest part is he's still trying to be sneaky.

"You're married now, why the hell are you still trying to hide" Your father berates the mob boss while bouncing his grandson in his lap seeing Bucky tug you into the kitchen so he could kiss you. "You're 6 feet tall and built like a line backer, you can't exactly hide, son"

Bucky pouts at you while you giggle hearing your father snort from the living room.

"He's right, y'know" you nuzzle into your husband while he engulphs you in his arms. You squeal when he hoists you up instead and makes a beeline towards the bedroom. You still stir something in him to this day and since your dad was there to babysit anyway...

"Bucky, where are we going"

"To go make baby #3"

[bibewilderedandbuck]

Buck goes out to get food or restock after a particularly rigorous ""work out"" session and it just happens to be at the same time as some idiot decides to rob the place.

Buck is kneeling down because hes looking for Tommy's favorite gatorade flavor. They have all the popular flavors at eye level but if you're looking for dark red, you have to stoop down. Homophobic, and during pride month.

He hears the commotion and of course his hero complex kicks in. But he doesn't wanna spook the guy cause he knows how he looks. Massive and buff and a firefighter and everyone at this place knows him too, he lives right down the road (or maybe the drug store is one the first level of his apartment). He goes to send a quick text to Tommy, when the guy with the gun demands all their phones. Buck gets out "911" and turns on his location. He stays low to the floor but makes himself known. Gets the gun trained on himself instead of anyone else because that's just who buck is.

The robber is getting desperate and every time bucks phone pings he gets more and more jumpy.

“Whose needy ass boyfriend wont stop blowing up their phone?”

Buck raises a shaky hand. He opens his mouth to say something but before he can get it out-

The store clerk high-fives him and tells him he’s proud of him. “It was only a matter of time, man. He went through all the women of LA and he just moved on to the men.”

A chorus of “Oooh come on!” “That’s biphobic” “ew gross” “not cool” ring out among the other hostages. Buck’s cheeks are burning. The mix of positive and negative reinforcement creating chaos in his head.

“You really should consider letting us go.” He says to the man with the gun. Buck takes a risk and stands to his full height and the other man’s eyes widen. “My boyfriend is bigger than I am. He's waiting for me and we weren’t done.” He holds up a box of condoms and the gatorade and someone hoots behind him.

It’s then that the sirens start. Someone shouts instructions through a bullhorn. Buck isn't listening, he's determined to get everyone out before himself. He calmly explains that out there is one of the most fiercely protective police sergeants he's ever met.

"And her first priority is not going to be you." Buck motions his raised hand to the other people in the store and says, "let them go and I can help you."

The voice amplified by the horn sounds more desperate by the second and when did the fucking fire department get here?

The armed man send everyone out, except buck, who he now holds in front of him with the barrel of the gun tucked snugly against his spine. Buck can feel it shiver against his skin.

"I didn't want to hurt anyone."

"I- I know," Buck says. The guy cowers behind him and he curses his height because if anyone was a fantastic human shield its Evan Buckley.

There's a new voice coming through the bullhorn now and Buck groans. Its Tommy and he's telling Buck the whole teams here and he's going to be alright. He sounds desperate and scared and Buck just wants to wrap his arms around the man and tell him its going to be OK.

"The boyfriend?" the guy asks and Buck almost laughs. He lets out a shaky breath.

"Yeah, needy right?"

"Listen man, I made a mistake. I'm in a lot of trouble but I never wanted anything like this." Buck nods. "My baby is sick and I'm broke. I just needed some cash and some formula."

Buck groans. He's too nice for his own good.

"There's an exit in the back."

"What?"

"In the back room I've seen them take in deliveries that way." He can hear the guy shuffle and then stop.

"Should I hit you?"

"What?" Buck peaks over his shoulder, the guy is half way to the door at the back of the store and still he's completely shielded by Buck's body. Seriously he should have been a bodyguard or something.

"I mean...it'll look like you just let me go?"

"This isn't a movie? I- I'm literally being held hostage, dude."

"Right." He turns away from Buck and then stops again. Buck is holding his breath. "Thanks man. I know this is fucked up and you didn't have to help me. You're a good guy."

Then he's gone.

Buck's not sure how to react. He did it, he saved everyone and himself and oddly the whole thing feels like a dream. Unreal. He walks slowly to the door of the shop and exits with his hands still in the air. Eddie is the first to hug him, barreling right into him and smacking his back into the glass of the window. He's checking over Buck for injuries and squinting inside the store and he seems confused.

"Where'd he go?"

Buck shrugs. "Went to the back and never came out."

Athena is next, she too gives him a once over, lets him know she can take his statement tomorrow and motions to the rest of the crew. They give him one resounding bone crushing group hug. Buck's warm and smiley but he still feels not here.

Finally, Tommy ambles out from behind the police car. He's thrown on a hoodie and sweats and he's vibrating on the balls of his feet. Buck see's the same expression on his face that must be reflected on Buck's. He reaches out to Tommy and Tommy clutches at him. The hug starts off timid until Buck hears a few pops in his back and Tommy is taking a deep breath in at his temple.

The world falls back into place like they've hit the bottom of a drop of an amusement park ride. His feet feel solidly on the ground and his stomach finally drops. His knees nearly buckle. At some point Buck had known he wasn't in danger, but it didn't feel that way. It felt like he was never going to talk to his family again, he would never see Hen or Eddie or Bobby...or Tommy. There is so much he wants to say but his breath is shaky and his hands won't release Tommy's shoulders.

"Do you want to be alone?" Tommy asks. Because of course he asks. No Buck has never wanted to be alone less. He feels like if he lets go of the man in his arms he's going to float into the atmosphere and dissipate. Like he's only tethered here by Tommy's hands.

"No," Buck says. He takes a grounding breath in, his chest bumping Tommy's. "I- I want to go home."

[maybankswhore]

Maybe jj and and high school sweetheart wife

jj would definitely be the kind’ve guy that settles down early on in life & would not gaf.

you and jj would meet in your sophmore year of high school.

at first jj was a total player. he was known as the guy who got around , & only called the ‘bad boy’ because he just didn’t care about rules and smoked weed.

charming as always , though , when you and him are partnered for a random first week of school project — he’s immediately obsessed with you.

he thinks you’re the most beautiful girl he’s ever seen and he has to have you.

you make him work for it , though.

and he loves that you do.

when he finally gets to call you his girlfriend — he flips the script.

everyone’s shocked at how easy he settled down for you.

they’re even more shocked when the two of you are still together by graduation.

you guys became the most adored couple at kildare.

after high school things get a little difficult because you two are going into adulthood and try figuring things out.

you break up a couple times but it only last about a week before jj is back at your apartment apologizing even if it isn’t his fault because he knows you’re it for him.

a couple years after high school ends and you’re both entering your mid-twenties , he proposes.

it’s a super simple , romantic wedding with your closest friends and jj literally can’t stop crying.

his vows? like poetry.

he’s been working on those since junior year of highschool because he knew he’d end up marrying you.

jj would be so soft with you.

he brags to everyone he meets that two of you are high school sweethearts.

“yeah— me and my wife met back in high school and have been together ever since. crazy , right? isn’t that amazing? she’s amazing.”

“i got so lucky to have the most beautiful girl in the world.”

he thinks it’s so special the two of you grew from teenagers together to adults.

“i know her way back when she had braces and colored her hair when she cried. watched her go from my girl , to my woman. my wife.”

cries when he listens to “margaret” by lana del rey for the first time because it makes him think of you.

“that song is so fucking sick for making me feel this right now on a tuesday.”

jj makes sure to be the best partner and wants to have the family he didn’t get when he was younger.

[sillymercury]

Make You See My Crazy

AzrielxReader

<3

Warnings: some slightly sexual themes

Word count: 7.9k

It’s split into parts only bc I can’t stop yapping

Summary: Upon joining the inner circle you expected excitement, movement, enterprise. Instead you were faced with mundane, every day was nearly the same and repetitive motion was killing you. It’s hard sneaking around the person you love but it’s inevitable when they’re the one holding you back.

Part 2 to I’m not the Crazy One, She Is

<3

I thought working with the inner circle would be action packed; missions, fighting, or infiltrating other courts. I imagined myself having serious debriefs with Rhysand and far off adventures with Mor or Azriel. But for the first year and some change it’s just been training. Every. Day.

I guess it was to be expected, I had to be thoroughly prepared; even if what I was being prepared for was the impossible.

Some of the scenarios Azriel would throw at me were absolutely off the wall; like being shrunken down and hidden under a walnut casing, being drugged with hallucinogenic cookies that make the enemy seem like friends, being eaten by a shark? It was deluded. I asked him if any of those things ever happened to him, his answer; “Unimportant. It could happen to you.”

I thought I was flying through training with flying colors, and so did Rhysand and Cassian and Nesta and Gwyn and Feyre and Emerie and Morrigan and Amren and pretty much everyone other than Azriel. He always found something to correct or have a question with no right answer. At first it was funny, but then I mastered the sword, dagger, staff, bow and arrow, and my personal favorite nunchucks. Now it’s just condescending.

The time I wasn’t preparing for the impossible I was working on strengthening my powers with Amren and Nesta. I’ve had control of my abilities for the better part of two centuries but using them for combat was different. I had mostly used them to get what I want, adopting strangers on the streets powers to make my night more interesting. Now I was using people’s own powers against them. My abilities expanded beyond what I ever thought, what I had ever attempted. I can connect with at least 3 people, stealing power from multiple sources. I can also connect over a distance but that’s only for people that I know, if I can envision them in my minds eye and envision their powers I can connect from virtually anywhere.

Ive never felt more powerful, more formidable, more like a force to be reckoned with than since I’ve begun working with the inner circle. But for some reason, a reason that edged my last nerve Azriel didn’t see it.

“I can take on anyone in this godsdamned court and hold my own, but it’s always ‘you’re not ready’ ‘you need more training’ ‘what if something terribly unlikely happens?’” I groaned at I threw myself back onto Nesta and Cassian’s shared bed. The female was perched at the top, legs tucked underneath herself, watching me with a sly expression.

“It’s because he likes you,” Nesta teased, a knowing smile making its way onto her face.

I flipped myself over and bit my bottom lip, failing at controlling my smile. “I know,” I said dreamily, I could feel my face heat as I thought of the shadowsinger. “But that’s another thing, he likes me, I know he does. But he’s also distant, not physically but emotionally. He’s holding back from me and I don’t know why. Like go king! Give me nothing!”

Nesta laughed as she slid onto her stomach as well, face close to mine, “That’s just how these Illyrians are. They only want love if it’s torture.”

I rolled my eyes at her words, “What did you read that in a book or something?”

“Or something,” she smirked and I chuckled at response shaking my head. “I can’t help you with your love sick yet sickeningly distant Az but in terms of putting you in the field; talk to Rhys. Tell him that you feel more than ready to have a mission of your own.”

I groaned, sneaking around Az didn’t feel right. I wanted him to see me, see what I’m capable of and want me by his side. “Okay,” I said while I picked at my nails. I peaked at the female and she gave me a pointed look, “Okay!” This time I spoke with more conviction. Standing up I stamped my foot with my hands on my hips “I am going to talk to him,” I turned my head to glance out the window, night had taken over the sky, “tomorrow morning.”

It was Nestas turn to groan, her face fell into the bed as she shook her head, “Your just as bad as Azriel.”

“Come on. It’s late, he’s probably in bed. Plus last time I went to him this late…” I shuddered. Nesta just laughed, obviously recalling the story of me winnowing into Rhys’ office and seeing my high lord and high lady in a… compromising position. “Alright,” I stretched, “I’m going home, don’t wait for me at training. I’ll see Rhys bright and early!”

Her face held mock conviction as she nodded once. I just laughed and leaned over to press a loving kiss to the females head, “Bye!!!!” I sang as I channeled Rhys from afar and winnowed myself home.

I was offered a room at the House of Wind and I stayed there most nights but I still kept my cottage. With the egregious checks Rhys wrote me every month I could afford my own little castle but this was home. A new fae had moved in next door, a very nice one, and the corner was cozier than ever before. Also with Az away, the house of wind felt… colder; I needed the warmth of my space.

I went through my night routine; stripping the leathers I had grown accustomed to wearing, cleaning my hair and skin, and climbing into bed with a shirt that Azriel definitely knew was missing. As I laid I contemplated what I would say to Rhys, he has said he thought I was ready but he still backed up Azriel. I shook my head, deciding I couldn’t wait until morning.

Rhys, I whispered into his mind. Channeling his power I was able to slip past his barriers, something he was truly disturbed to find out I could do. Rhys, I tried again a little louder when he didn’t answer.

Stop using my power against me, he spoke, frustration clear. I hate when you do that.

I giggled into his mind, finding out that mental barriers don’t work against me was a pleasant surprise for me and a source of grief for Rhys. Powers are connected to emotions so the more passionate I made someone the more control I could take over their magic. I need to talk to you.

It can’t wait? I’m… busy. I knew exactly what he meant and shivered as war flash backs played in my brain.

Ewwww, I ragged. I suppose it can. I turned in my bed, making myself comfy.

The silence didn’t last long, Never mind, Nyx just woke. What do you need Y/n?

I paused, a hundred persuasive and graceful ways to ask came to the forefront but I chose succinctness. I want to go on a mission.

He paused, from inside his mind I could hear the wheels turning but out of respect for his privacy I cast my glance away. Waiting until Az is out of town, are you trying to get me in trouble?

No! I just… I’m ready. There was nothing else to say, I’m ready. I know it, Rhys knows it, everyone in this circle knows it; it’s time for me to prove it.

I heard him click his tongue, thinking of how to deny me nicely. I filled his head with my disappointment, my hurt from being consistently passed over. A sigh was heard, and I felt his conviction break.

Okay, I have an idea. See me in the morning.

I didn’t let my excitement slip into his mind but I’m sure he heard it in my voice, Okay, okay! Perfect. I’ll see you!

I disconnected from him and rolled over, giggling into my pillow and kicking lightly under my blanket. I wondered what Rhys had planned, I tried not to let my imagination get me too excited but as I fell into rest depictions of other courts circled my mind.

-

Azriel landed in the training ring with a swift silence. His leathers were glistening in the sun, clean and shiny. He picked up the habit of cleaning them before returning right around the time you started spending nights in the House of Wind. The thought of you seeing him covered in blood unsettled him, he knew deep down you wouldn’t truly care but he wanted to protect you nonetheless.

His bright eyes scanned the ring; priestesses, Valkyrie’s, and a very loud Cassian controlled the space. No you.

She’s not here, his shadows informed him. Upon further prompting his shadows informed him that you weren’t at home, or with Rhys. His eyebrows knitted with confusion as he continued to glance around. It wouldn’t be the first time you skipped training, he pictured the time he caught you tucked into a high-end dress store when you were meant to be in the ring.

He was prepared to take to the skies, ready to find where you were hiding before his brother cut him off, “Az, honey! Not even a hello?” Cass was walking toward him with a natural ease and he couldn’t help rolling his eyes.

“Hello brother,” was all he offered. His voice was void of emotion but his heart was full, coming home to family was always enjoyable. Especially after spending time in the dark tunnels of the Hewn City, seeing someone with a smile on their face was appreciated.

Cass wrapped strong arms around Az’s shoulders, holding him tight. Azriel just returned the favor with two quick taps on his back under his wings.

“I need to go find Y-“ he didn’t make it through his sentence before Cassian cut him off.

“You need to come see these priestesses,” with an arm around Az’s shoulder he led him further into the ring. “We’ve got six more priestesses picking up swords, we have a little battalion on our hands.”

Az lightly smiled and nodded, letting his brother lead him. He figured you could have the day off, you deserve it. You had been doing amazing, you were a quick learner; swift, light on your feet, and knew how to finish strong. Your fighting coupled with your power, you would be daunting in the felid; when you were ready… when he was ready to let you be ready.

Az knew you would hold your on, connecting to his power you would be the assets he always needed but he wanted to protect you, keep you safe from that part of his life as long as he could.

The better part of the morning and early afternoon were spent with the priestesses. Helping them with their swordsmanship, correcting techniques and giving confidence where it was needed. Cass and Az felt something like pride as the watched the females taking back the power that was stolen from them. With training behind them the boys gathered around the island in the extravagant kitchen, chatting with Emerie, Gwyn, and Nesta about the progress being made. You stayed in the back of Azriel’s mind, not being at training and not showing up as the day pushed on. He tried to keep cool about it, you were sensible and strong and he didn’t need to keep you on a leash, but with training 3 hours behind him his hands started to itch at the lack of your presence. His attentive shadows kept him updated, you still weren’t at your house or any of Rhys’.

“So where’s Y/n?” He asked, trying to remain casual as he leaned forward, bracing his arms on the stone island. Lunch had came and went without a word from you. Gwyn’s eyes widened for a fraction of a a second but Emerie quickly pulled her into conversation pertaining to their upcoming book club. Weird.

Nesta just pursed her lips and shrugged coolly, a light shake of her head accompanying the motion. Cassian on the other hand was staring into the tea he that had suddenly became very interesting. That was weirder. If Cass didn’t know he would’ve came up with some witty remark like, ‘she probably found a hot male with emotional maturity’ or ‘she has your account information, probably running you into the ground.’

He stalked a little closer to his brother, Cass just dipped his head further towards his cup. Az bit his cheek, thanking the mother for his brothers inability to keep a secret or produce a good lie.

Az wrapped a wing around his brothers form and dipped down too, “If you put your nose any further into that cup, you’ll drown.”

“Huh? Oh!” Cass laughed as he stood up straighter. He cleared his throat and rolled his shoulders, trying to gain some semblance of confidence. Nesta gave him a look and he turned away quickly, unfortunately for him he turned directly toward Az. The only thing he could do was offer a nervous smile.

Az returned the favor with a saccharine grin, got him. “Where is she Cass?”

“Who?” He asked dumbly. He clenched his fist to keep from slapping his face, he was under the fire of his brothers gaze and he was choking. Az just raised his eyebrows and gave him a pointed look. “Oh, Y/n. Pfft I don’t-“ he tried to do what Nesta did, pout his lips and shrug coolly. He didn’t look cool. “I don’t know. Where is she Nesta?” His voice suddenly carried a faux confusion as he turned to his mate, attempting to take attention off of himself.

Nesta glared, “I. Don’t. Know,” she bit out through gritted teeth. Cass gulped, knowing no matter how this ended he was screwed. He just nodded, humming at her before turning to Az, offering up another lame shrug.

Az looked between the two for a second before glancing over at the other two fae. Their conversation had stopped to take in the scene, at the instant of Azriel’s eyes they quickly turned away and began speaking again.

Az just nodded, the picture of calm. Cassian gulped yet again, he knew he was the weakest link and that Azriel would press him specifically for information. Cassian’s fears were confirmed when the sick smile returned to Az’s face and a firm hand was placed on his shoulder. “Cassian,” Az’s voice was low, slow, “Where is she?” The calmness and gentleness of his words sent a shiver down Cassian’s spine.

“I don’t know, truly,” he was folding. Nesta shook her head before placing it in the arms that were folded across the counter. “She was begging and she wouldn’t let up. Said she was super determined and no wasn’t a viable answer so Rhys caved, sent her on a mission this morning.”

“Good gods,” slipped from Nestas lips. Hand braced on her shaking forehead as she looked into the distance, questioning the mother.

“What?” Az’s grip turned to iron and his brother cringed at the force. He looked between the four in the kitchen, everyone knew. Everyone knew and wanted to keep it from him, if he wasn’t losing his mind he might feel bad.

Nothing else was said, there was nothing left to say, Azriel’s pace was rushed as he pushed through the balcony doors and into the sky.

“Azriel,” Rhys breathed. If the frustration wasn’t clear in his voice, it showed in the way his hands slid down his face.

“Rhys,” he pressed, “I know I just- she just needs more time.” Rhys shook his head at his brothers words, disagreeing. He knew if it were up to Az you would never leave the safety of Velaris. “How would you feel if it was Feyre?” Az’s pushing earned him a growl.

“If you remember, it was Feyre. I had to let her fight far before she was ready. Even so, Y/n is leagues ahead of Feyre.” Az shook his head now, desperately trying to find the words to convince his brother. “If we keep her stagnant any longer the poor female will become destitute.” Azwas quickly becoming hysterical, you meant so much to him and putting you in the line of fire… Hot angry tears pooled on his bottom lash despite his best efforts to keep them at bay, continuing to shake his head as he began clenching his fist. He was fighting so desperately to take control of this situation but Rhys was hard headed and determined to try out his new toy.

“It’s not going to be easy, it will never be easy dealing with the possibility of your mate getting hurt. But if you’re just going to coddle her then what’s the point of bringing her into this circle? She is smart, and strong, let her prove it.”

Az let out a chopped breath. It was his turn to bring his hands to his face, shamefully hiding the tears Rhys was already aware of. He didn’t speak for a moment, pondering. When he brought her in he had to admit he didn’t think of this. He saw it as an excuse to have her close, bring her into the family and keep her around. But after getting close to her, learning her, loving her, he didn’t care anymore. He wanted to keep her hidden from the dark world he had come to know so well. He wished she was offered a different position even though her powers were an amazing defensive and offensive asset; he never wanted to use it.

He shook his head one more time, “I just need more time.” His pleading voice broke and Rhys softened at the sound. All he’s ever wanted for his brother was to feel that earth shattering love like the one he felt for Feyre. How could he tell him those fears were invalid? That they don’t have basis? They’re wrong? He couldn’t and when Az let out one more shaky, “Please, brother,” he couldn’t say no.

Azriel landed in front of the river house with a thud, no shadowy elegance and no preternatural silence. His heightened emotions pushed all of that out of the way to make room for his task; find Rhys, kill Rhys.

He stomped through the house, making his presence and his anger known. He didn’t bother to knock on Rhys’ office door, just blowing it wide open. His high lord sat in his large leather chair while his high lady was perched on the edge of the desk, engaged in loving conversation.

The slamming doors caught their attention as Azriel stopped short of Rhys’ desk, growling his name.

“I figured you’d show up here soon enough, do you have your mission report?” Rhys was calm as he leaned back in his chair, observing Azriel and his pristine leathers and contorted face. Az wanted to stick his eyes and shake Rhys until his head fell off.

“You know that’s not why I’m here,” his voice was low as he struggled to form a sentence and not a fist.

“Oh?” Rhys feigned innocence and Azriel’s grip slipped, fists taking place at his side. “Why are you here then brother?”

A low scoff made its way out, Azriel had to look away to collect the parts of him he could. He didn’t want to play this stupid back and forth game, he wanted to find you. Blowing up on Rhys wouldn’t do anything good for him so he bit out his next words, “My mate. Where is she?”

“Ah, yes.” Rhys just nodded as he continued to look Azriel up and down, sizing how far he could push him. Feyre on the side held a confused face as she tried to decipher the situation. Azriel’s mate? How would Rhys know where she is? A low growl reverberated through Az and his brother just clicked his tongue in response. “She’s fine Az, please-“

Azriel cut him off, walking closer to brace his hands on the desk, “I told you she wasn’t ready. She needed more time to-“

It was Azriel’s turn to get cut off as he held up a hand, “No. You said you weren’t ready. You said you needed time. I gave you time, that times up.”

Az growled again, hands gripping the desk with so much force the wood under his hands groaned. His eyes were wild and his face displayed so much fury Feyre thought he might jump over it and tear into Rhys. “Az…” she said tentatively.

“Did you know?” He looked at her accusingly, not being able to hold his rage back from her. Her eyes widened and she brought a hand to her heart, her hair slid over her shoulder as she shook it back and forth.

“Know what Az? You found your mate? That’s amazing, I-“ Feyre tried to lighten the mood, choosing to focus on the good parts of the conversation.

Az rolled his eyes away from her and back to his brother. “Yes, I did find her.” His eyes held his brothers in challenge, Rhys didn’t back down but Az would either. “It’s a shame though, Rhys seems adamant on getting her killed.” He leaned in slightly, baring his teeth on the last word.

The thought of you out there, alone, in a potentially dangerous situation made his brain fog. His whole body twitched; desperate to tear apart the entirety of Pyrthian until he found you. Deep down he knew his feelings were irrational, Rhys wouldn’t send you somewhere dangerous for your first mission, solo to boot. He knew that you were fierce in your fighting technique. He knew that the reservoir of powers you could access made you one of, if not the most, powerful fae in Pyrthian. He knew you didn’t need him to protect or guard you and that you wanted this. Knowing all of those things doesn’t make it any easier though.

“She’s not- Az please,” Rhys pinched the bridge of his nose and screwed his eyes shut, trying to will away the headache his brother was giving him. “Feyre, baby, give us a moment.”

She just nodded, eyes still examining Az as if she’d find her answer written on his face. She leaned into the kiss Rhys placed on her forehead before moseying out of the office. Rhys pushed himself away from the desk and to the large couch in his office. He grabbed two glasses and the decanter off the liquor cart before sitting down. Az watched silently as he poured two neat glasses of whiskey and sipped one while offering the other.

When Az didn’t move he sat the other glass down and stared at it before saying, “She’s in no danger brother. But you might want to have a drink before I tell you where she is.”

Az’s hands returned to fists and he just stared, zeroed in on Rhys like a deadly predator. Rhys rolled his eyes and gestured to the spot on the couch next time, insinuating he wouldn’t speak until Az at least sat down. Begrudgingly he followed his brothers instructions though sitting down didn’t display any comfort as he was still rigid.

Rhys just watched his brother, looking at him as if the right way to inform him of his mate’s whereabouts would be written on his skin somewhere. The stare only unnerved Az, his skin started to prickle at the attention he was receiving and his vague patience was slipping.

He took a deep breath before grabbing the drink, downing it in one go. It didn’t help his nerves but he let out a sigh anyway before turning back, “Where is she?” His voice was calmer now, the anger was replaced with desperation, exhaustion.

Rhys let out a sigh too, leaning back he stared for a moment longer. “She’s in the day court, where she will remain for the next month and a half.” Az’s eyes widened and with furrowed eyebrows he insisted Rhys go on, “After that she will spend a month and a half in dawn, then winter, summer, and possibly autumn. I’ve spoken with Eris but I’m not entirely sure if we’ll be able to slip her in past Beron.”

Az shook his head, trying to grasp the information being given to him. “Wait you sent her through the courts? For the next 8 months? Why?”

“More training,” he leveled a look at Az whose face still displayed confusion. “Apparently what we’re doing here isn’t enough, so she will train with our closest allies. Learn all new powers along the way and techniques even we don’t have. By the time she comes back, even you will think she’s ready.”

Azriel shot up, hands coming to slide down his face has he passed around the low table. You were gone? For potentially 7.5 months? This was wrong, so so wrong. You should be here, by his side where he can see to it that you get the training you need. The thought of someone else, potentially another male, training you… his skin felt hot to the touch.

“Rhys! I don’t- what do you mean?” He stopped pacing in front of his brother, he wanted to scream, tear him a new one but he felt too manic to focus on that now. “So she’s just gone? For months?! I don’t- how could you do this!”

Rhys poured Az another glass as he spoke, “What was I supposed to do Az? You were safe guarding her to the point it was damn near suffocating. She just wanted to do something, to feel like her time was productive-“

“It was productive!” Az cut in, “She was with me! I was training her! Sending her away like that- what if someone finds about her powers? Do you know what other courts would do to get their hands on her?!”

“Yes Az,” Rhys spoke in a tried tone, being able to tell this conversation wasn’t going to cool down anytime soon. “She knows, she’s safe guarding her powers. She won’t use them in training, just learning other courts techniques and studying their powers to bring back here and implement.”

Az scoffed and shook his head, resuming his pacing. He wasn’t convinced, there was worry and anger, and longing taking up all the space for rationality. “She just wanted to get out there, you know she’s never left Velaris?”

Az’s eyes flew to Rhys’ at the question. “Of course I know,” he bit out. He knew everything about you, everything you were willing to offer him. Late nights spent in your room- at a respectful distance- gave way to room for life stories. You indulged in your early life, family, friends, love history, hobbies, likes and dislikes. He kept it all stored away in meticulous detail, committing everything you’ve ever said to him in perfect memory. You vulnerability inspired him, encouraged him to do the same and bare his soul to you. He told you everything, except for one, or maybe two things. He was safe guarding the bond, not wanting it to influence your decision. He wanted you to choose him because you wanted to choose him, not because you thought you had too.

Rhys hummed, nodding. “Well, she wasn’t going to stop until I gave her something. She’s safe and she’s happy and she’ll be back in no time.”

Azriel rolled his eyes at his brothers hypocrisy, he would be beside himself if Feyre left for that long. He moved toward the door with determination, he was going to find you. He needed to tell you that he was sorry, you didn’t have to run or sneak behind his back. He would tell you what he knew was true and promise not to hold you back anymore. “No you won’t,” Rhys cleaved through his thoughts. “One visitation permit was issued from the courts, Im sure they wouldn’t appreciate my spy sleuthing around. Not to mention how she’d feel about it.”

Az growled at that, cutting his brother a loathsome glare before slamming the doors once again behind him. Rhys just sighed, leaning back and polishing off the drink Az didn’t finish.

-

No time, that was bullshit. The months passed like years and Azriel swears he could’ve lived multiple lives in the time you were gone. He wasn’t himself, out of step, out of sync. It was kinda crazy, he lived so long without you and after just a few hours of knowing you were gone he reverted to a shell of himself.

Some days he barely tried to train, moving through the sessions like a phantom. Other days he laid his hurt bare, taking it out on Cassian until his brother had to tell him ‘no more.’

Work wasn’t able to distract him, he had been on one mission since your departure. Rhys refused to let him go, claiming he was too frazzled to focused. Despite knowing its truth Az tried to disagree, he ended up losing train of thought half way through the conversation, proving Rhys’ point.

You had sent letters, 3 came at least twice a month. One to Rhys, giving updates on where she was and how training was going. One to Nesta, the two had grown close in her time training with the inner circle. One to Azriel, it was similar to Rhys’, she was giving life updates and telling him wonderful stories. Azriel wanted to answer, truly, but the longer he thought the more he realized he had nothing to say. You were having so much fun, meeting wonderful people, exploring new powers, and seeing Pyrthian like you always wanted. He was ashamed by the fact that if it was up to him, you wouldn’t have gone. He sat down to write how sorry he was, how excited for you he was, how he wished he could see it all with you but his letters only made it as far as the fire. He was convinced you were angry with him, that’s why you left while he was gone. He read and reread every letter so much they were a crumpled mess in his hands, some terrible part of him convinced him they were pity letters. His fears were “confirmed” when his letters stopped halfway through the third month.

He was a bit surprised when around the middle of the fourth month he felt talons tapping on his mental shield, far more polite that Rhys has ever been. He opened his shield just enough to let you in, not far enough for anything other than communication.

Hi Azriel, your voice rang through him like a church bell. He shivered at the pleasant invasion, unwittingly letting the rest of his walls down from you. His subconscious wanted you everywhere, invading every part of him, committing all of him to memory.

Hello, Y/n. He hated how timid his voice sounded. But he couldn’t help it, talking to you made him nervous, especially after ghosting your letters.

He heard you sigh into his mind and he couldn’t help himself but duplicate the sound. Hearing your voice, feeling your essence, provided much needed relief.

I’ve missed you, he spoke in his mind. The words came out as a soft whisper, tentative and unsure.

Yea? I could tell by the way you ignored all my letters. He cringed at your words, your tone was joking but he didn’t miss the thinly veiled frustration. He was silent; not sure how to respond or if he even could. His remorse flooded his head and you surely caught on, based on the way you quickly spoke again. I’m sorry, shouldn’t have-

No, he cut you off. You’re right, I should’ve responded. I just wasn’t- I didn’t know what to say. I was- I still am ashamed.

It was your turn to be silent. If he stilled his mind he swears he could feel you nodding. Your questioning voice came through, You think I shouldn’t have gone?

I thought that. But I’ve read your letters, the ones to me and the ones Rhys gave me access too. Your progress is… you couldn’t have achieved what you are now if I kept you hidden.

You were silent, Azriel could feel the contemplation. After a couple beats you spoke again. I’m sorry.

Don’t apologize, ever.

You waited before speaking again, But I am sorry. It felt wrong leaving the way I did, like I was sneaking behind your back. I didn’t even get to tell you goodbye.

Azriel chuckled lightly out loud. It’s a good thing though, I probably wouldn’t have let you go.

Oh yeah? You laugh. What would you have done? Restrain me? Your voice held a playful edge that excited something in Azriel. The lower end of his stomach began to twist and he had to control himself with you still in his mind.

It was his shadows that spoke next, let her see. Their encouragement drew back the curtain of self control and he opened his mind deeper for you. He let you into the fantasies of restraining you with his shadows. Covering your vision with wisps of darkness, blurring your senses to ensure touch was heightened.

He showed you how he would be slow, take his time with you. How he would push your body to absolute extremities, take you to your peak over and over before cradling your exhausted body. You were silent as you witnessed his eagerness, his willingness to give you all the pleasure your body could handle. He heard you let loose a breath, If I knew that’s what you’d do to me I would’ve left a lot sooner.

A dry chuckle left Az’s lips, Then perhaps your punishment should be to withhold such treatment. His smirk was evident in his voice, and you gasped out a laugh at the mention of what had become an inside joke.

You’re a tease! You shrieked down the mental bond and Azriel laughed freely.

Az stayed connected with you late into the night, speaking of pretty much anything under the sun, or in this case the moon. He talked until your voice slowed down and became soft hums of acknowledgment. Eventually your presence in his mind was peaceful, calm; the proof of your sleep

-

3 weeks.

10 days.

4 hours.

15 minutes.

The time that had dragged its feet through sand was now moving at a lively pace. It was by no means quick, you had still taken your time coming back. But with daily mental communication, daily mental flirtation, having only minutes between the two of you Azriel felt his skin buzz. His wings moved on their own, display his anticipation for the world.

Az had woken up early… earlier than usual. The sun was teasing the horizon, threatening to spill its light across the mostly sleeping city. Azriel couldn’t help the coy smile as he greeted the morning happily. Little tasks had kept his body busy as his brain counted down the minutes of your arrival. Shower, train, shower again, morning flight, cleaning, bureaucratic busy work, trip to the shops, following Cassian around for a couple hours. Azriel couldn’t sit down, if he did his leg would bounce and he would be up again in seconds.

But here he was, smoothing the already smooth leathers as he waited “casually” in the greeting room of the river house. He had cleaned up your room in the HoW when you left but he took to dusting it, changing your sheets, and adding fresh and fragrant flowers to liven up the space.

5 minutes, his shadows whispered as they danced around his ears. They reflected their masters eagerness, also unable to sit still and be patient.

You hadn’t connected with him today, most likely too busy getting your affairs in order. Azriel didn’t mind though, it added to his anticipation. For the first time in what could be ever he felt like a kid, bouncing around the room with an insatiable excitement brewing below.

Azriel rubbed his rough hands together and made eye contact with his shoes, a heavy breath left his lips and suddenly it felt stagnant. Everything stopped.

Seconds turned to hours as his head turned upwards. For a moment everything stoped, the world was lost to Azriel as he finally saw you. The sounds of the room became slow and muffled and the only sound was a soft song. A light airy melody, a beautiful blend of bells and chimes. A sweet sound made only by your presence.

The air finally left his mouth and the world returned to normal, time picked up and everything was moving again. The shadows that carried you in dissipated and the ground shook with the bellows of his family.

Cassian was first to reach you, spinning you around like a doll. He barely has time to put you down before Nesta latched on and mumbled something only you could hear. Feyre greeted you with a smile and open arms, Rhys extended a hand that you took firmly. Elaine and Amren gave welcome to your presence and suddenly it was Arziel’s turn. Even his shadows beat him to you, circling every inch- noting every tiny change within you, all the things that didn’t show though your voice in his mind every night. The lines created from muscle, the natural lightness added to your hair that only comes from saltwater and direct sunlight, the clear and unmistakable scent of raw power. Every little thing was reported back to him, the way each minuscule movement of yours was silent, the advanced lightness of each step that brought you closer, the disciplined posture you now carried. Then there was the perceptive glint in your eye, one that seemed to bore into his skin, one that traced every cell and tendon in his biology; tracking his synapses and learning his bones. One that tore apart his soul and memorized it.

“Azriel,” Your greeting was clean and simple; and it almost brought him to his knees. He steadied himself with a breath and clenched the fists that wanted to reach for you. Not yet. Not here.

“Welcome home Y/n,” all the courage that made a warrior was used as he held your eyes. You were still you, still the same female he devoted each waking thought to. But you now held an edge, a deadly aura that put even him off. “I can’t wait to see what you’ve learned.”

You smiled, all of your venom hidden behind perfect, pearly structures. “I can’t wait to show you.”

Your long awaited return was celebrated with dinner, drinks, and the promise of putting your skills to the test at first light. You celebrated and mingled, held your drink dutifully but didn’t take a single sip. Your months of watching your own back and the crippling paranoia that you would be made kept you from inebriation. Not to mention you wanted to be at your best when you displayed yourself. You casually turned in early, leaving the festivities to the ones who actually indulged. You took to setting your room up in a way only self preservation would justify. Weapons were hidden all around your space, a habit from being in enemy territory with no back up. You had to be ready for anything at any time, being caught off guard would be the difference between life and death. Once you felt confident in your new arrangements you climbed into bed, channeling Azriel’s shadows to watch you in your sleep.

-

I awoke before the sun, prepping myself in fighting leathers and a clean hairstyle. My go bag was packed and placed at the foot of the bed where it could be grabbed on the way out. It was full of all the weapons I had grown accustomed to using. Most of it was basic, knives, sabers, and folding spears. There were also more elaborate weapons unique to the courts I spent time in; light directors, specific for centralizing the power of light from the day court. Loch detonators, a device that turns powered water into intense explosives. The collection was impressive but most of it would prove to be useless today, I planned on taking the boys in hand-to-hand combat.

I pushed open the window of my room before climbing out. Scaling the monstrous house, I jumped and grabbed all the edges that would lead me to the roof. The roof was hipped into a long line, on that I ascend and landed at the apex. One foot balanced on the line while the other crossed over my bent knee. My hands stretched out on either side, keeping my center of gravity directly over the line.

The cold dusk air heightened every sense as I let loose. Thoughts escaped as my perfectly poised body found peace, my steady breath the only tether to the earth. With my mind clear and body at ease I was able to connect with every part of myself, honing every part of me for battle. After an hour of meditation I stood up and began to move. To any onlooker it would look like I’m dancing on the roof not partaking in an ancient practice of energetic redirection. I came across the art of Tai Chi in my time spent in the summer court, a friend I had made took me to her village on the southern edge and though it is a closed practice one of the elders agreed to teach the basics. I had also managed to find some scrolls on the subject in Helion’s vast library and continued my training. Now it was part of my daily exercise; balance my mind, body, and energy.

Nearly two hours and passed before I left the roof, opting to winnow in and grab my bag before making my way to the training ring. Cassian and Az were there, preparing for the day with calisthenics.

“Good morning angel,” Cassian greeted with the trademark smile that comes before saying something stupid. “Done dancing on the roof?”

I looked to your feet as a smile creeped onto my face, “Yea, ready to dance with you now.”

“Ohh, we’ll see about that,” Cassian’s face was smug but I kept smiling nonetheless. It made sense, he had no reason not to be. He’s perfectly unaware of what I’ve learned and what I’ve taught myself. Azriel on the other had looked calculating, like he was trying to note all the ways I’ve changed. His gaze was piercing, like he could figure out all I’ve learned just by looking at me. He knows all of my experiences, everywhere I was at any given time but my training was not something we had discussed in detail.

“What about you Azriel?” I tilted your head as I looked him up and down. Blatant and greedy, not even trying to hide my hunger. He had opted to train shirtless this morning, something whispered that it was a subtly attempt to distract me. “You ready to dance with me?”

Azriel smirked, stalking closer as he continued to tape his knuckles. “Hmph,” he matched my actions, eyes taking over the way your lean body contorted under my leathers. “I was born ready for you.”

I felt my body rise a hundred degrees and his words and gaze, I wanted to jump on him the same way I did in our shared visions. But I kept my composure, he was trying to rile me up. “I sure hope you mean that.” one finger made its way to his arm, tracing the tattoos there until it met the glove on his hand. I grabbed his hand and brought it to your lips, kissing his knuckles in a light teasing fashion. His nostrils flared as I looked up at him through l lashes. “Because Id want nothing more than a go at you.”

He opened his mouth but was cut off by his brother, “Good morning! I hope you’re all ready because I know I am.” Rhys strolled over with Feyre, Amren, and Mor in tow. He rubbed his hands together in a gesture that showed excitement before shoving them in his pockets.

“I hope you’re ready for a show,” Cass spoke as he stretched one last time, “Y/n plans to dance.” I just smiled in response, Rhys raised a brow and his eyes shone. He was the one receiving daily briefings. I had connected with him and let him see some of my work through my eyes. Some. The rest I kept safeguarded, waiting until this moment to show them off. Since I were essentially stealing the powers I was exposed to I didn’t have anyone to train me in their use, normally that would put me at a disadvantage but Rhys changed my outlook on that. Since I hadn’t been taught how to use them I was never put in a box, never limited to what everyone else thought was possible. I could experiment with the powers I encountered, come up with my own ways to use them, and create different techniques than those normally seen. The magic belonged to others but when I used them, the powers were wholly mine.

“Okay Y/n, who do you want to dance with first? Cassian or Azriel?” Rhys asked, the knowingly look on his face was obvious. He knew what I would say, and I wasn’t in the mood to disappoint.

“Aww, I can’t have both?” I pouted lightly, turning from Rhys to the other parts of the trio, “I’ve always wanted to take on brothers.” The tease in my voice lit a double meaning behind the words. Cass snorted and Az just ducked his head and shook it side to side, even so I could still see the small smile on his lips.

“Well what are we waiting for?” Cass said clasping his hands, “I’m in the wish granting business sweetheart.” I just nodded simply as I pursed my lips, looking them up and down once more before grabbing my bag and heading to the far end of the ring. As I was wrapping my own knuckles Nesta came over with a water bottle meant for me.

“Thanks honey,” I smiled as I took the water. “Promise you won’t hate me if I bang your mate up a bit?”

Nesta laughed, “Hate you? Baby I’ll thank you. That male needs humbled.” We both chuckled at that statement as I finished with my hands. “What weapon are you going to use?” Nesta asked as I shuffled around my bag. I hummed before pulling out a small fan and sheath to keep it in. The fan looked like any other handheld fan except instead of fabric it was made of metal that weren’t fixed, meaning they could move if struck. “This,” I smiled, strapping the fan to the outside of my thigh.

“Just that?” Nesta questioned, I nodded in response. Honestly it was a lie, I had no plans to use the fan, at least not as a weapon. I pulled it for show, it would be decoy used to distract and throw off the boys. The fan wasn’t wholly useless though, I picked up different ways to turn it into a weapon when wielded skillfully. It would be too cocky to walk in there with absolutely nothing and as much as I wanted to, I knew Cass wouldn’t recover from the ego hit he would take if I acted like I knew I could beat him with my bare hands; even if that was the plan. She tilted her head before humming as well, “What exactly did you learn out there?”

I just smiled, “I can show you better than I can tell you.” I winking before turning away from her, facing the ring to show that I was ready. I heard a whoop sound come from my friend as she made her way over to join the rest of the peanut gallery.

Cassian had chosen twin broad swords, something that would look comical in the hands of a human looked normal with the giant fae. Az had nothing in his hands but there were multiple daggers lining his pants, still no shirt. I would make sure he regretted that.

“Alright,” Rhys said bringing attention to himself “no need for idle chatter or pointless speeches, begin!”

And with that I stepped completely into the ring, focus trained on the warriors in front of me as the rest of the world disappeared. I couldn’t stop the dangerous smirk that snuck onto my lips, “Let’s dance.”

A/n: don’t hate me!!! I’m so sorry it took me so long to update. I was waking up at 12 then working from 3-11 and crashing when I got home. I work on a crisis unit so that shit is madddd draining, emotionally and physically. I felt like I had nothing left to put into my writing :/ but I finally switched to 3rd shift and for nearly my entire shift I don’t have to do anything but be there so I can write at work and I have more of my day open to relax and recharge. I’m sorry I had to split this into 3 parts but this just got so long and if I would’ve kept writing it would’ve straight up been a book. But I promise part 3 will not take as long to come out. Maybe not this weekend but soon! Anyways if you made it this far I LOVE YOU, thank you so much for giving me and my stories your time :)

Masterlist

[starfxkr]

western nights III

pairing: older!trailer park!jj x reader

summary: jj maybank knows he's too old to be messing around with a young girl like you, but he does it anyways

warnings: freudian age gap, smut, some angst because yall can't have it too easy.

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。..・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。..・。.・゜✭

it was crazy how jj could make you feel so special one moment, and like shit the next. he was an expert at it.

he'd continued to find reasons to come to your room--broken ac, wobbly ceiling fan, sloping vanity. and each time ended with your mouth on him, or his fingers buried in your cunt with the opposite hand clasped around your mouth. you'd been hoping he'd invite you back to his place again soon, without sneaking away while everyone's distracted, you always wanted to be one of the women he had coming and going so everyone would know you're his. but he always found a reason not to.

"it'd be weird," he would say, "people seein you come into my trailer like that ain't a good look sweet pea, trust me."

that's always what he called you, even when you were younger but now it felt different, it was both endearing and condescending and it drove you fucking mad. no matter how much of his cum you swallowed it was like he still looked at you like a little girl.

₊˚ෆ

jj threw you a bone, just this once, when he came home late from work and saw you wandering around the complex. you looked a mess--eyeliner smeared around your big bambi eyes, grass stains littered on your knees as you walked with your boots in hand.

"you alright there, sweet pea?" he watched you jump as he slammed the door of his truck closed, eyes wide in shock as he watches you subtly go through a range of emotions before settling on what you hope is cool indifference.

so you shrug, shifting your gaze away from his, "was just with some friends no big deal."

'hanging with friends' normally consisted of you getting drunk and high with them at the beach until you ended up in the back of someones car. this time was no different, you had just hoped you could sleep there but the guy woke up and brung you back home, where you were met with an unsurprisingly locked door.

if you didn't know any better you'd think jj was sympathetic when his gaze softened.

good thing he'd grown accustomed to hiding his disgust. you stirred too many uncomfortable feelings in him. it was like looking in a mirror at times--the anger buried deep within you, barely contained when jj came to your trailer at your mom's request and he took note of your hoarse voices and red rimmed eyes as you slammed your bedroom door shut. it made him sick watching you, watching your demeanor shift into coquettish flirtation the second you were alone only to give way to wide eyed desperation anytime he kissed you and he could see the soft, meek thing underneath.

and sometimes--like now--that's what he wanted.

"whew, we'll you're lookin a little rough there, hungry?" he was giving you the lead again, like the first time. just to see where you were at.

you shifted uncomfortably again, eyes darting as you shiver in the cooling air.

"cmon, i know you're cold, you're barely wearing anything come inside."

it felt like a trap, but what choice did you have? "o-okay, just for a little bit though i gotta go home."

jj knows you don't. but he lets you walk past him, studying you as you walked up the porch first and he followed behind, "door's locked, lemme get it." this time when you shiver it's from his body lightly nudging against yours as he opens the door.

it was different seeing his trailer like this, all homey and warm unlike the thick tension that permeated it during the party and you watched him from the doorway as he threw his jacket on the couch and took off his boots in his old recliner.

"y'gonna just stand there or do you wanna get comfy? gonna take me a while to cook."

"you don't have to be a dick." despite your response you make your way to the couch, sitting with your legs hugged close trying not to falter when he smiles at you.

"not bein a dick, just want you to relax that's all." with that he gets up while tossing you the remote, "you can put on what you want but i only got basic cable...shit i need to get groceries...how's burgers sound?"

in all honesty you feel like you're in shock, jj's never acted like this with you before, all caring and casual, "uhh...that's fine?"

luckily he takes the hint and starts cooking, leaving you two in a surprisingly comfortable silence for a while until he breaks it, "she kick you out often?"

again you jolt, "what?"

"your mom, she kick you out a lot?" jj beckons you to the kitchen and you pull up the stool to the small island as he loads you up--bacon, cheese, lettuce, pickles, all the condiments you may want and a mound of fries all hand cut. a cold glass of coke on the side. you're mouth waters and you struggle to think of the last time someone cooked for you.

"i guess, normally it's whenever she has a new 'boyfriend' but i don't know sometimes i think she just gets sick of me. like if she locks me out she can pretend she never had me." there's a distant look in your eyes as you stare at the plate, and jj takes control, watching your face expression as he adds or puts aside the various toppings until he makes the burger you want.

"it's not your fault you know, i remember when she got pregnant, didn't surprise anybody really, we knew it was gonna happen eventually." jj cuts the burger for you next and finally you start to eat.

"maybe so. maybe she's mad i didn't do the same. maybe one day i'll come home and she'll be gone."

that one hurt him, deep and low in the pit of his stomach because he knows that feeling, that morbid anticipation of coming home to an empty house, left to fend your yourself in a way you didn't have to before.

you're nonchalance is off-putting as you shovel down your food, smearing the rest of your lipstick until its on your chin and he reaches forward to wipe it off.

"you mentioned your mama and her boyfriends. thought you said she was sweet on me."

"she's sweet on anybody who looks at her instead of me."

there's a pause.

"i never looked at her."

"i know. neither do her boyfriends."

another pause and the two of reach an impasse, and he can see you slipping again, that veil coming down over your eyes and he stops you half way, "you're filthy sweet pea. go take a shower."

with that he shuffles you along, getting you towels from the linen closet and a pair of old clothes so you could shower and get dressed while he cleaned. and he spent the entire 30 minutes buried elbows deep into the soapy water trying to will himself not to step in there with you.

truth be told, jj's glad he didn't, because he wouldn't have gotten to see you when you stepped out--your short hair curled against your forehead, and you looked...soft. the dark makeup no longer caking your eyes making them look gentle and curious. the cherry sweet scent of your perfume had been scrubbed off, now he could smell the ivory soap clinging to your skin from the kitchen.

"i don't...know what to do with my clothes."

jj breaks out of his reverie, quickly coming to take them out of your hand, again trying to ignore the feeling of your still warm underwear in his hands, "don't worry bout it sugar, i'll take care of it."

it's late by now and he can't ignore how tired he is, and judging by the way you yawn and rub your eyes he could tell you were too. so he pulls out the futon, fully dressing the bed so you could lay down comfortably as he puts the pillow under your bed, again ignoring the now familiar desperation in your eyes as he tucked you in, clearing his throat when he pulls back to look at you. all he could see was your eyes peaking over the covers.

"you uh, you can have the remote, watch what you want just don't pay for nothin." jj's nose twitches and he watches you shift to your stomach so your plush cheek is pressed into the pillow.

"will you be mad if i do?" there you were, soft and gentle like he liked you.

"nah, nah i won't be mad." his hands flex.

an impish smile spreads across your face, one jj's never seen before and he hates how his heart skips a beat, knowing you likely never shown it to anyone else, "okay. i'm gonna buy a movie then."

jj snorts out a laugh cutting off the lights as you finally settle in, "alright then, make it a good one."

"you don't wanna watch it with me?" that lurch in his stomach again as you make one last ditch attempt but he ignores it.

"good night sweet pea." when jj closes his bedroom door behind him, he hears a soft good night.

that night he dreams about you in ways his mind hasn't conjured up in 20 years.

[queenpiranhadon]

A/N: okay NOW two more chapters left lol because chapter seven is turning into a pain to write 😭 Luckily school's out for the summer so I have more time to write :) TY @cashmoneyyysstuff MY ICON ILY Here's the masterlist!

Warning(s): Cursing, reader is the daughter of Aizawa, Shinso and Eri are biological siblings, reader is 20 years old, reader befriends Kaminari and Sero, Reader uses "Cattus" as her alias, reader's nicknames are Cactus, Cattus and Cat, reader's down bad LMAO, war, reader gets hurt, blood, reader wears a bra, bad war descriptions lol what do you expect from me, reader is AFAB and female, bakugou finds out 😀👍, ANGST, reader goes home, family reunion, Aizawa gets sick from grief, PTSD, KATSUKI'S NOT SEXIST I PROMISE

Pairing(s): Bakugou Katsuki x Reader

ᴄʜᴀᴘᴛᴇʀ ꜱɪx: Cattus

Time seemed to stop.  

The red color of his eyes, such a warm color, turned so cold. 

“Y-Yer a fuckin girl?!” he spat, aghast, disgust clouding his features, he turns away, refusing to look at you. 

You couldn’t even more, nor speak. 

How could you have been so careless? 

Bakugou lets out an irritated snarl and looks back at you briefly. 

“If the others find out, you’ll be killed.” he says, tone icy and filled with venom. Your heart drops.  

“I-” 

“Get changed and get out.” He cuts you off, not wanting to hear what you had to say. “Now I don’t owe you anything.” 

He exits the tent swiftly, as if he couldn’t even stand to be in the same room as you. 

*** 

You were given a horse, and nothing else, leaving without saying farewell to your friends. They would be informed that you had died, and that your body was being disposed of.  

It gave you an icky feeling, faking your death- which was weird, considering you left your family in a similar manner.  

As far as they knew, you might as well be dead.  

Would they be happy to see you? 

The same thought had plagued your mind for days now, yet you never imagined they would come to reality so soon. Your heart sinks with the realization that as of now, you basically let down everyone you knew.  

A tear slips down your cheek, from your discharge, and from that loathing look in Bakugou’s eyes.  

Stupid feelings.  

You knew it would end badly when you found yourself falling for the captain, but just the acknowledgment wasn’t enough to prepare you for the pain brought on by your heart being ripped in half, only for those halves to be shattered beyond repair. 

It was moronic of you to even be feeling these things, just as it was to crush on your superior like you were a schoolgirl and not a warrior.  

But at least now, you didn’t have to pretend.  

You weren’t going to lie, you were going to miss Genken, Denki, and Hanta.  

But now, you were Y/N. And though you were yourself again, there was no doubt Cattus would still be a part of you.  

He always was, you reckoned.  

Cattus was the fiery side of you that defended his (?) friends when they needed protection. He was the side of you that took charge and cared for your family when they couldn’t take care of themselves. Cattus was a warrior. 

And you were too.  

Tightening your grip on the reins, you will your horse to go faster, riding into the night, returning home to your family for the first time in months.  

*** 

You found yourself staring at the border of your village after 5 days of travel, the sun setting and your brain half asleep, running purely on adrenaline.  

It was lightly snowing, signs of winter’s presence, though the cold didn’t nip at your skin as much as it used to before. 

Pain didn’t feel the same anymore after what you’d been through.  

Your wound still stung, but you refused to acknowledge the pain- telling yourself you deserved it after everything. Is this how your dad felt after the war? You didn’t know. Though your situations were vastly different, one spending more time fighting than the other, and one almost convicted of a war crime, you knew that the pain was all the same.  

But right now, you didn’t feel pain.  

Instead, anxiety clawed at your heart, dismounting your steed to let it graze freely among the nearby fields, where other horses resided nearby. He would be fine living there with his new friends.  

You walk along the streets of the village you grew up in. You’d one been gone for 7 months now, and yet it felt so foreign to walk down the cobbled streets you walked across so long ago. When you find your home, a pang of sadness washes through you- it looked so empty and lifeless now. You missed you family dearly during the past few months, and yet you refused to acknowledge the feelings because they were a sign of weakness. 

But here you were now, a truckload of emotions crashing into you as you walk up the steps to your porch, the same steps you sat on when you had the conversation that started all of this. The wood creaked under your feet, a sound so familiar and so wrong at the same time. 

So much had changed over time- it was hard to feel like yourself again.  

You gingerly placed your hand on the doorknob, feeling the bumps, ridges and crevices you memorized, your pounding heart was deafening as you sucked in a shaky breath and finally opened the door.  

It was quiet. There wasn’t a buzz of the happiness and joy that you always felt in your home, instead it felt null and void.  

The first thing you notice is the figure sleeping on the couch.  

Hitoshi. 

Your younger brother looked exhausted, the dark circles he usually sported were now so prominent that it was unhealthy. He was skinnier, and a little taller, your heart ached to know that he wasn’t eating well and that he had grown up and you weren’t there to see him.  

Making your way over to him, you brush his hair out of his face softly, only for him to startle and jolt upright, freezing as his lavender eyes widened it realization that it was you.  

He slowly brings a hand to cup your cheek before patting the rest of your body, as if to ensure you were genuinely there.  

“Y/N...” he croaks, tears spilling from his eyes. “Is it really you...?” 

You want to sob, he sounded so broken, so helpless, guilt threatening to consume your every being. Tears slip from your eyes as you nod, letting out a choked laugh as he encircles you in his arms, whispering “You’re home... you’re finally home...” more so to himself than to you, as if to ground him. 

You and Hitoshi end up falling asleep on the floor that day, and you numbly allow him to redress your wounds and receive an ear load of yelling and scolding from your actions the next morning. He isn’t furious as you expected, however, he was extremely worried though.  

“W-What happened while I was gone...” you murmur, refusing to look at him as you sit on the side of your bed.  

“It’s...been a lot...” he sighs, telling you to get comfortable as he fills you in.  

Hitoshi had slept in the living room every night, in hopes that you would come home. At first, he slept on the porch, but Eri insisted he sleep inside saying that he was only harming himself. It was true, as he had gotten a nasty cold the next morning, leaving the ticked off 9-year-old to take care of him.  

Eri was upset with your departure, rarely going out after you left and taking up the chores you did to maintain the household, even though Hitoshi insisted he could do it. She slept in your bed every night after that and was currently sleeping as you and your brother were catching up. 

Your father, however, was a different case. He fell apart after you left, never talked, never ate – Hitoshi was terrified and had asked Hizashi for help, the usually humorous blonde now deadly serious as he and your father had gotten into a terrible argument. The only thing your brother was able to hear was “I lost my wife; I can’t lose my daughter too.” 

You sobbed uncontrollably as Hitoshi held you again, resenting yourself for the pain you caused your family, and resenting yourself for the hateful vermillion stare that you were sure would haunt you for the rest of your life.  

Though scalding tears burned through your skin, it didn’t hurt to cry as much as it used to. They didn’t feel suffocating, instead they felt liberating as you finally unloaded months of negative bottled up emotions.  

Your family was safe, thanks to you, and you were going to make sure it stayed that way.  

*** 

Eri wakes up a few hours later, her red eyes lacked their usual luster until they noticed you, the nine-year-old ran up to you and hugged you tight, her tears bleeding into your clothes.  

“Y/N...?!” she gasps in surprise, burying her face into your chest, inhaling deeply as if to memorize the way you smelled. Usually, it would have been weird, and uncomfortable considering you hadn’t showered in a week, but you allowed it, stroking her hair comfortingly, as a few more tears escape your eyes and roll down your face.  

“M’not going anywhere Banana.” you whisper, and she snorts and punches your arm weakly.  

“You know I hate that name.” 

You stayed like that for a while, before letting each other, drinking in each other’s appearance.  

“You look terrible.” she quips and you can’t help the laugh that erupts from your mouth.  

Eri and Hitoshi look at you in surprise – the you that they knew was more reserved, but they had to admit, they liked to see you let go more. You looked happier, and your joy was always contagious.  

Your siblings usher you into the washroom to finally shower, saying you smelled like shit (not really- if Hitoshi cursed in front of Eri you probably would’ve whipped out your sword) and you roll your eyes at their antics.  

You look into the cracked mirror on the way and get a good look at yourself- the first time you had to liberty to do so before you left.  

You truly didn’t look like Y/N anymore, you knew that much. But you didn’t feel like Cattus either. It was the strangest feeling, feeling like two people and neither at the same time. You sigh, dismissing it- knowing that maintaining another identity for so long would clearly have its side effects, but it was still uncomfortable to deal with.  

You were Y/N. But better. And happier with yourself.  

When you finally exit the shower, looking and feeling more like you, clean and in fresh clothes, a thought strikes you.  

“Hey... Toshi...?” You murmur, approaching the purplenette. “Where’s Dad?” 

Hitoshi looks away from you momentarily, before looking at you with sadness in his eyes. “He’s staying at Chiyo’s. Ever since you left, he hasn’t been eating well, and he’s been bedridden for a while. Hizashi says that he isn’t really stable for us to visit him.” 

You don’t listen to the last part- slipping on some random pair of shoes and bolting out of the house before heading over to Chiyo’s home.  

Your heart raced, in sync with your footsteps, one after the other.  

Your mind was even faster however- thoughts of worry and anxiety so strong you felt like you couldn’t breathe.  

Was your father okay? 

Was he mad at you? 

What if he doesn’t make it? It would be all your fault. 

As soon as your mind comes across the thought, your legs move impossibly fast, racing all the way across town until you reach the apocarthy center, also where Chiyo lived, and where she treated those in unstable conditions.  

You knock rapidly on the door, hearing a faint “I'm coming I'm coming...your generation is so energetic these days...”, the few seconds it takes Chiyo to open the door feel like a millennia each- as soon as the door opens, you see the small older lady look at you in surprise, but you pay no mind, slipping past her immediately and running down the hallway, turning the corner to find the room where Chiyo let her long term patients stay.  

And yet, you can’t bring your shaky hand to twist the doorknob and open the door. 

You feel terrible, knowing that any caring daughter should rush in immediately, but guilt wracks your mind, and your heart.  

You feel a hand on your shoulder and look down to see Chiyo looking up at you which a solemn look on her face.  

“He’ll want to see you, Y/N” she says softly, and you swallow thickly and nod.  

Twisting the knob, you finally push open the door and see your father sitting on a bed by the window. Turning his head, he sighs, “Chiyo, I told you I don-” he stops talking once he sees you. 

“Y/N.” he whispers, his voice shook and his eyes were wide.  

He was frailer than he was the last time you saw him, his skin that you always complained made him look half dead was now sallow and sickly. 

You walk over to him slowly and kneel in front of his bed, taking the man by surprise.  

“I’m sorry.” you sob, letting all the guilt and sorrow you felt wash over you. “I know I shouldn’t have left but I couldn’t just let you die.” 

You hear a small laugh and look up to see your father smiling while wiping incessant tears from his face.  

“Come, my warrior.” he says warmly. “You have made me proud.” 

*** 

It’s been a month since you returned home- news of the war spread through the village.  

You’d hear about the famed War Dragon and how he valiantly led his troop into battle, without losing a single soldier. It relieved you to hear it, knowing that Denki and Hanta were alive and well – but you still missed them.  

You reunited with Izuku and Ochako, both extremely worried but overjoyed to see you, nonetheless. Ejiro was still fighting for his country, and you missed him, worry bubbling in your stomach at the thought of getting hurt, but you trusted him. Ejiro was strong, and brave, no doubt a courageous soldier- he would come home.  

It was almost like everything was back to normal, but it wasn’t. 

You still jumped at everything, scraping a chair, someone’s limp brushing against yours, even a voice disrupting the silence, everything set you off.  

Eri was significantly more mature now, no longer the bubbly and hyper girl you knew, now more reserved and calmer. She reminded you of yourself, the knowledge was painful, but you were glad to see she retained her voracious appetite and distaste for bananas.  

Your father was recovering slowly, as you were now working overtime to stuff both him and Hitoshi with the food and nutrients, they needed to be healthy again. After you left, they deteriorated both physically and mentally, and so you decided to help them in any way you could.  

You tried your best to forget about the battle in the Chira Woods after that, but something just didn’t add up. 

How did the enemy know you were planning to ambush them? 

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[ninyard]

Nicky: yeah he slept with a chair in his room and a knife nearby so we think he’s just insane

Neil: ……

No but rlly, no matter how you feel about Nicky, on one hand I am an outside observer so reading this exchange I’m like “oh ffs obviously that’s not why! That makes no sense!” But then I think about it more and it’s actually probably really realistic? Nicky doesn’t know what andrew went through, he probably didn’t think his life in foster care was that bad, that kind of abuse just isn’t on his radar bc he’s had different experiences and exposures, so the possibility of anything else just doesn’t cross his mind, plus he’s already biased to think andrew is just naturally “like that” bc that’s the assumption he’s already been operating under, plus the natural inclination of ppl to not want to see awful things. It makes sense for him and Aaron that that’s the conclusion they come to, and that makes me so mad at the world for reasons I can’t quite articulate

Sorry for hitting you with this out of nowhere I actually meant to say something else but idr what bc I clicked the ask button and this is what came out instead xD

Oh 100%. I GET it. I understand why everyone has this perception of Andrew that he’s, in their own words, a monster. That he’s a loveless, emotionless sociopath. Imagine Aaron, excited to meet the twin he didn’t even know he had, and the first thing he says to you is fuck off, fuck you, leave me the fuck alone?

Imagine you meet the cousin you didn’t even know you had, and for some reason you don’t know about, he’s been in your house for how long? He’s been there for how long before he’s made an enemy out of your father, out of your aunt, he won’t talk to the cousin you did know about, he’s angry and depressed and he keeps knives under these arm bands he refuses to take off? He’s like Aaron in a different shade, like the dark version of a person already dark and destroyed. But he won’t talk to you. Why won’t you talk to us, Andrew? And all you get in response is a knife, or a blank stare, or a fuck off, fuck you, leave me the fuck alone?

Then your aunt is dead, and he’s alive, and the cousin you did know about is grieving and angry, and you, Nicky, who has fought so hard to keep the peace in your household, are now surrounded by negativity, and anger, and past problems that nobody fucking wants to deal with?

I get it.

Then they’re at Eden’s, and he hears it over his shoulder, the shouted slur. And then Andrew, who barely even talks to him anyway when they’re out drinking is on top of this stranger in a flash. And there’s blood, and the stranger stops fighting back. But Andrew’s fists keep coming back, and keep coming back, and keep coming back.

He nearly kills him. He nearly kills him. He nearly kills him. For you. Because you don’t know that he’s gay. You don’t know the weight of the word shouted your way. He’s protecting you. He’s protecting you.

You’re scared of him. He gets locked up. Whatever the timeline is pre-tfc. You’re scared of the cousin you didn’t know you had.

I get it.

But imagine being Andrew. They don’t ask what happened. They take the courts word for it when they say you’re a danger to society. They take the courts word for it when they say your depressive episodes are a danger to yourself. You tried. You tried to tell someone, but it’s a misunderstanding, and god’s intention, and your fault. So why bother trying again?

You spend all this time on this medication that makes you feel worse than anything you’ve ever been on - you spend years of your life in this haze, a mixture derealisation and constant and unending mania. You’re sick without it. You’re sick on it. You don’t remember who you are without it. You don’t want to know who you will be without it.

And imagine being Andrew, and it takes being violated in your cousins childhood bedroom, or just a room in his childhood home, for them to finally get it? Your autonomy stolen from you. Your secrets exposed without permission, again. Your consent is never your own choice. It never has been.

Oh and then let’s think about Nicky. And all that’s in his head is ANDREW IS WORSE WITHOUT HIS MEDS.

Maybe he hears the laugh from the bottom of the stairs. Maybe he only hears Neil talking about it. ANDREW WAS LAUGHING. HE WAS LAUGHING. HE WAS VIOLATED AND DESTROYED AND COVERED IN BLOOD AND HE WAS LAUGHING.

And this has happened before?

And Drake was not the only one?

Does it make sense now?

Is he a sociopath or was he made to be that way? Is he crazy or was this someone else’s fault? Does he protect his family because nobody protected him?

Why didn’t he tell me? Why did this happen under the roof of my family home?

In theory I hate how they don’t know what Andrew is really like. How they’re afraid of him off his meds. But it makes sense why. I get it. Why the fuck would they not think that?

But I think they understand how wrong they were eventually. I think they see how he might not smile anymore - but he is much happier now.

[bubbles-for-all-of-us]

I loved Worship but it got me thinking about like what if someone kept calling her mean stuff during the show and just boys reacting to their girl getting slandered tnx

Guess who got carried away? 😂 I love it guys, thank you for popping into my ask. I really love seeing your ideas!🤍✨

Sleep token x reader

For the record

It’s the usual shenanigans that get the show going. Considering that everyone was in a good mood tonight was already labeled to be a solid night. It always felt the best like this. When everyone was fully relaxed and enjoying themselves. You had lingered back with IV before the show, too lost in bickering until it was him messily making sure that your headset was on before someone thrust his guitar into his hands. A little wink. A little nudge. And it was back to the place you had grown to love. Crave deep within your soul.

It’s behind II that you sing some of your most beautiful solos. Finding your way up on his seat while his hands go up and down your thighs. Mostly trying to make sure that you don’t fall back but enough to seem that he’s more than happy to sit between your thighs while you stand above him. It’s the fleeting kisses that you keep sharing with IV tonight. One after another, every time you pass by. Till it’s almost funny when he’s right in front of you. Pretending as if it’s an unexpected bump in. It’s Vessel that you fall to your knees to and he’s more than happy to brush his thumb over your bottom lip, leaning in only to push your face to the side. Making you fake fallback as you lay your limp there for a couple of beats. Enjoying the roar of the crowd. III manages to trap you in between his guitar and you as you both swing to the beat. Your fingers trailing up and down his thighs.

But it was the odd eyes that you kept on landing on. First row. Right in front of you. Ones that made you sick to your stomach. Ones that you tried to avoid. But you kept on coming and coming back. And it’s when you come towards the edge of the stage to sing yet another part of your siren song that you hear it. “Cheep Whore”, “Band filth”, “Shared bitch”. Rolling in and in. With more and more people turning their heads towards the people screaming at the tops of their lungs.

And it’s as if the words had scorched you. You find yourself backing away. Till you hit something solid and warm. A hand coming to steady you. But you pull back just as fast. Turnning to find a pissed-looking Vess. “Keep going”, your mouth, letting yourself trail your gaze over the rest of the band. Only to find another three pissed faces. You grab Vessel’s hand, pulling him closer, “Do the rest of the show the way it was supposed to be”, you begged, “Leave it and keep going. They will follow”.

A wave of relief washes over you as he steps away. Continuing the next song. III blazing eyes are the next thing you see but you just shake your head at him. Even if the poor pick gets thrown across the stage and not in a nice way. But they stick through. Faces tight. The atmosphere off. The magic faded. The feeling was lost. You stick to the furthest part of the sage, doing your parts as if glued to it. The moment the last sounds of the cords fade, you’re turning onto your heel, diving backstage.

You feel stupid almost, that something that was going on in comments and posts for some time now had finally made you slip up. Cause you didn’t care. Not really…. right? “Y/N”, a bang sounded at the door making you flinch, “You in here?”. A part of you wants to keep quiet. Let this fade into the back too. But you hear the commotion, not enough to understand what the bickering is about, before a much louder banging ring through the quiet space. “Open the door”, IV's voice is much more strict than II’s. The agitation oozed out. “I am taking my makeup off”, your voice cracks, and your silent scream into the void within because you know that they would have heard it. “You take it off in the bus while we drink, don’t start bullshiting me now”, IV rattles the hand and you suddenly start to wonder how long it would take for him to break the door.

“Look”, II cuts in, “I get it, you want to be by yourself but we kind of got a situation going on with III”, and it’s enough to make you step closer to the door. Because you care about them and if III is flying off the handle it would be your fault. “What happened?”, you mutter, pressing your face against the door. You’re met with silence but it’s enough for you to know that they are looking at one another now, silently debating their next words.

“Jumped off stage and took off towards the pit”, and that’s enough for you to yank the door open. You just don’t get to go as far as two pairs of hands pulling you back. “Come here”, you hear IV mutter before you were met with II's embraces. The warmth of him cutting deep through you. Making your eyes sting. Yet you pushed back, trying to escape them both. “Let me go, let me talk to him”, you wheezed. “It’s taken care of”, IV cut in, “He’s backstage somewhere, you don’t need to worry”.

You looked up at them, “You tricked me, idiots”. IV reached to catch your face, “You ran off, locked yourself in a fucking bathroom. What do you expect that we baked you cookies?”. “IV”, II hissed, “What he was trying to say is that we care for you and that shit on the stage shouldn’t have happened”. You fist II shirts, trying to keep your composure, “I don’t care and don’t understand why you’re making a big deal out of it”, you sighed in frustration. You needed out, or you would cry and you hadn’t yet done that in front of the boys.

“This is a mutual choice”, Vessel’s voice fills the space, “If we mess around, we mess around together. One of us having to take shit for it is bullshit”. And that’s when you see him. Rubbing his left hand’s chuckles. Your whole body drains from your body. “You punched him didn’t you?”, you mutter, already thinking of all the articles. And what for? After all the years of staying out of bad PR. Your legs move on their own accord and with a couple of steps you are wrapped up in III’s arms. “For the record, I missed”, he grunts. And that’s the thing that snaps the last bit. A strange strangled noise leaves your lips before you can clap a hand over your mouth. The look in III eyes shifts, “I would go back there, just saying”, he mutters before pulling you back into him by the back of your head.

“I need Chinese tonight”, II throws it out in the open. Making the salty stream of tears down your cheeks feel less pathetic in a way, as everyone snorts in their toes. “I call dibs for the bus bed tonight”, Vess points out and it’s as if nothing had happened. The same dynamic between you five talking is usually formed. “You’ve slept there for the last two stops”, III is quick to remind him, yet his eyes are still on you. Quietly assessing the real damage. “And before you say it, you aren’t special because you’re long and skinny”, Vess simply flips III off before the room is once again filled with laughter. You feel soft hands brushing against your chin before your head is gently nudged upwards. Meeting IV eyes within a blink. “Head up, little siren”, he muses, brushing the tears off your cheeks, “Can’t have you loosing your spark”. You nod tightly, trying to not let another wave of emotions cloud your eyes. “For the record, I would eat you out”, III shrugs, making the rest of them chorus his name with curses following right after.

[arinzu]

My Headcannons for Yoichi Isagi, Rin itoshi and Alexis Ness💕

Might not be accurate

💗💗💗

Yoichi Isagi :

✿He took a photo once of his hair slick back and his fan went absolutely feral.

✿He time to time stalks Rin to observe what he does.

✿Isagi probably stares at the ceiling when he's about to sleep and think about all of the opportunities he missed.

✿If he played any other sports it would be chess, since his vision is great for mental games.

✿Tbh is he was a sin he would be greed/gluttony.

✿If he could ask anything from his parents, it would be to have a little sis.

✿Does skin, body and hair care every few days.

✿Swears in videos games often. Those little brats think they're so gOoD but once isagi finishes his puzzle he'll devour them

✿Tried to hit Kaiser in the head with the ball after a practice match, but Noel Noah was there

✿Gossips with kurona and hiori about kaiser and ness, It's perfect since kurona doesn't know what they're doing but hiori has a lot of dirt on them.

Boyfriend Headcannons💤

♡Plays football w/ u and teaches you by beating you, not even to destroy your self esteem.

♡ such a sweetheart while you are on your menstrual cycle (if you're a girl)

♡ gossip about every teammate with you, like a whole book of players he wants to gossip to you about

♡ once you were sick, he drove to the local store at 2 am just for you. He's so sweet.

♡ Cooks very well like he'll cook food decently

♡ Not that toxic? Maybe that's probably up for debate

♡tells you about his problems like it's the national news to be discuss

♡ Has that romantic playlist he made just for you and him to enjoy.

♡Due to being in blue lock he hasn't texted you often so in return he tries to send gifts every month

♡ Calls you darling and sweetheart multiple times a day

Rin itoshi

✿Drools in his sleep (Me too Rin)

✿I feel like he'll stand awkwardly in a party not even interacting with anyone

✿Is good at cleaning, not barou level but up there

✿Perfect grammar, also TOP at his English

✿Never uses any gen-z/alpha slangs or any type of slang infact

✿Dry ass texter...

✿Gets really weirded out by any of his THOSE fangirls/fanboys... Like wdym you wanna have the reproduction LIKE HE'S ONLY 16

✿Knows knife play at some point, don't ask him why (he doesn't know)

✿Artistic in secret... Like he'll paint the beach or anything that shows the happy times of him and sae

✿Gets nightmares of that day... (Pretty sure everyone has that headcannon by now)

Boyfriend Headcannons💤

♡Cuddles every time he gets a chance with you. That kinda prevents him from getting those dreams....

♡ even if he's not as romantic as the others, you guys still go on weekly dates and THEY are expensive or just casual date like movie date🫶

♡After getting traumatized by sae, he almost broke up with you, Thank goodness, that you manage to make him snap out of it.

♡ After getting convinced by your and his parents he went to couple counseling and saw his mistakes

♡One of his favorite things to do with you is Playing football, I mean two things he loves in one? Count him in!

♡ Bring extra clothes with him whenever you're around, just in case it gets cold and he doesn't need to give you his hoodie.

♡Does not have much of a soft spot for you BUT, his eyes sparkle whenever he sees you like the good old times

♡ Almost made you cry when you both were on a movie date, it was those scary ahh movies that you don't know what's coming next.

♡Has a separate Love notebook from his early days of middle school that he reads when he misses you.

♡Calls you lukewarm as a word of affection when he sees you

Alexis ness

✿Would probably be in good terms with isagi if it didn't end like this

✿Has a mental breakdown every few days because of kaiser paying too much attention to isagi

✿Makes Kaiser a birthday cake every year and even bought him EXPENSIVE stuff from his hometown

✿Keeps the magician outfit he had when he was just a child, he cherish it like it's the most valuable thing in the whole universe

✿Would be friends w/ Charles if they interacted more, I mean like opposite friends, Ya'k

✿If richer than his awful siblings back home, if not then... It's because of the plot.

✿If he didn't met kaiser he'll probably be better than what he is now.

✿Has surprisingly good fashion taste, It's better than most blue lockers I can tell you

✿Has that changing color book lamp at the side of his bed he use when he's upset or just sad

✿He would like science if it weren't for the fact of his childhood

Boyfriend Headcannons 💕

♡Is actually quite the gentleman to you and your family members, since he a very toxic household

♡Always makes your favorite dish, if he doesn't know the recipes he'll find it by your guardian/ by how you like it.

♡Gives you a lot of gifts, I MEAN A LOT like everyday you'll find things that you enjoy at your doorstep

♡Due to being away from blue lock, he gets awfully jealous of the boys around you. Even if it's just a friend

♡Husband material frfr

♡ Punch a dude that was making you uncomfortable, and then ran with you to flee the scene.

♡Prefers the value of affection than the materialistic value of a gift you give him

♡ Loves being the small spoon but if you want, he can be the big spoon, anything for his precious angel.

♡Yandere tendency!!! Whether a girl or boy, he will get jealous if you spend more attention on them than him!

♡Call you angel or any kind of German words of affection, he will use it

That's it y'all💋

Thank you for reading this! It too me longer than expected!

So thank you for staying till the end even tho it was just 3 blue lock characters!

💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕

[creature-wizard]

The importance of separating belief from practice from economy when criticizing spirituality

I notice that a lot of people who want to criticize harmful expressions of spirituality often conflate the beliefs and practices of those spiritualities together, rather than separating them and asking themselves which one is harmful exactly, and why.

Sometimes, both practice and belief are harmful. For example, going on a highly restrictive detox diet because it will supposedly rid your body of toxins put into regular food by an evil conspiracy. There's no evidence that detox diets actually work as claimed (and if they seem to, it may be that you actually have a food allergy or intolerance, and you feel better because you happen to be cutting out that food for awhile), and they can actually be very harmful. Meanwhile, this sort of conspiratorial worldview has roots in old antisemitic conspiracy theories used to justify violence against Jews in the past, and today, justify queerphobia and ableism by way of suggesting that an evil conspiracy is putting chemicals in our food and water that turn kids gay, transgender, or give them ADHD, autism, or whathveyou.

But other times, it's not quite so simple. For example, let's look at modes of faith healing that hold that you should eschew evidence-based medicine in favor of praying and getting right with God. Meanwhile, studies show that people who rely on faith healing don't exactly have a great recovery rate. Many children have died from treatable diseases because their parents were taught that sickness was a test of faith and God would damn them for seeking conventional medicine. (Can you even imagine how terrified of eternal damnation you'd have to be in order to watch your own child die in agony?)

If we look at most people who believe in prayer, we can see that most of them don't agree with this extreme position. Most people believe in prayer and evidence-based medicine. If anything, prayer gives many people a way to feel like they aren't just sitting around doing nothing while their loved ones are in the hospital, and that itself is arguably beneficial.

Now, if you personally have trauma connected to prayer, or just don't find any meaning or satisfaction in prayer, then it's fine if you don't want to do it. But that doesn't mean it's appropriate to tell everyone else that they shouldn't do it. When you do this, you're just using your own personal feelings as a moral compass, and as we know from observing the "thinking about gay sex grosses me out, therefore it's unnatural and against God's will" crowd, that's no way to go.

So how about beliefs and practices used to extort people? For example, energy healing services often come with steep price tags. But let's be real, so does evidence-based medicine in places like the US. This clearly does not mean people should just stop seeking evidence-based medicine. It does means that we drastically need to change the system, so healthcare is more accessible. Additionally, if there's one thing I've learned from researching alternative medicine, it's that practitioners are more likely to actually offer something for patients' complains, rather than telling them that it's all in their heads or that they need to lose weight. This doesn't mean that an exploitative alternative industry should be allowed to exist, of course. But it does mean that we need to understand how prejudice among doctors fuels it. Moreover, I think we can agree that someone who watches energy healing videos on free YouTube after they've done all they can from an evidence-based medicine standpoint, or offers free energy healing sessions to friends who are in the same boat, are not in the same category as scam victims and scammers.

So yeah, when you're out there criticizing harmful forms of spirituality and religion, remember to separate practice from belief from economy and examine each one separately and in terms of how they connect to each other and to larger issues, rather than putting it all on blast together.

[a-nthems]

Bites | JTK

jtk x f!reader

A/N: WOW hello! this is kinda short and totally self indulgent. it's based on a song i am kind of obsessed with right now. this will not be everyone’s cup of tea so please make sure to read the warnings. i have another much softer fic coming your way, so be on the lookout for that if you enjoy this one. <3

WARNINGS: 18+ ONLY, CHEATING!!, angst, hurt/kind of comfort, super toxic, this is not a healthy relationship/situation, mentions of drinking, sub(m) dom(f), slapping, orgasm control/denial, degradation, bondage, oral (f!receiving), pegging, fingering (m!receiving), lowkey hate sex, if i missed anything please let me know!!

PSA: i do NOT condone cheating/this kind of behavior. this is strictly fiction. 

You’re so angry it’s making it hard to see straight directly in front of you. Jake stands before you, trying his best to look as innocent as he possibly can, but your blurry vision won’t focus on anything but his neck. They’re clear as can be, the marks, even in the dim light of your kitchen this late at night. They’re still new, but bruising his skin in a way that makes you sick.

It’s not the first time you’ve been suspicious, but it is the first time you’ve seen the proof directly in front of you. You feel like you can’t breathe. Your stomach twists as he attempts to shield your view of the hickeys with his hand. He’s just come home from a night out. He was supposed to be with friends. Jake had told you not to wait up, but despite everything, you had because you missed him. 

“What the fuck?” Is all you can seem to manage, and you can feel the sob bubbling up in your chest as you try your hardest to contain your spiraling emotions. You feel hurt, betrayed even. 

“Baby, wait,” he starts, moving towards you. You immediately take a step back and you find your back pressed against the cool counter behind you. 

“No,” you bite out, “Are you fucking kidding me, Jake?” 

“Let me explain, please,” and he is pleading, “I’m sorry, my love. I love you, come on, just listen to me.”

The dam breaks, and you can only imagine how weak you look when your entire frame begins shaking, the sobs wracking through your body. He reaches a hand out to grab you, to comfort you as he often does, but you smack it away. He hisses, but takes the hint and places himself at a safe distance and watches as you fall apart.

It’s ridiculous, maybe, how blind you have been. “Once a cheater, always a cheater,” your friends had told you, but you brushed them off easily. He loved you. He wouldn’t do that to you. You had convinced yourself.

If only they could see you now. 

“Baby, listen to me. Breathe, just breathe,” he tries, “I love you, breathe, in and out, sweet girl.”

“Fuck you,” it’s more of a whisper than you intend it to be, and you slide down the counter and find a seat on the floor. Holding yourself up is out of the question, and you seek refuge in the cold tile against your skin. You need something to ground you. 

“Don’t you dare fucking say that to me right now,” you manage, slowly calming yourself down, “You don’t do that to someone you love.”

“I do love you,” he sighs, “I promise. I do.”

“Shut up,” you yell, “Please, just shut up,” this time, it’s softer, more of a desperate plea. Hearing his voice will do nothing to help the immense hurt you’re feeling. 

Jake offers a small nod, sighing loudly as if you’re the one being unreasonable. 

It takes a few minutes for the panic to settle, and eventually you’re still sat on the floor and looking ahead with a vacant stare, breathing heavily, a few stray tears still falling. 

“Talk,” you demand.

“I’m sorry,” he starts, “I promise nothing else happened. We were drunk, she just started-”

“Don’t you dare put all the blame on someone else. Be a fucking grown up.” 

You can’t even look at him. 

“Okay,” he tries his best not to sound irritated and fails, “We were both drunk. Flirting, I suppose. I know it was wrong. She kissed me, but I did kiss her back. Obviously, she got carried away with them.”

“And?” 

“That’s it,” he frowns.

“So you go out, get drunk, and flirt with the first random pretty girl that comes onto you? Are you that fucking desperate? I’ve been here all night waiting for you to get home, to our home, and you’re out fucking some other girl?”

You get up from your spot on the floor, finally forcing yourself to look at him. To his credit, he looks hurt. Guilty, even. You try not to care.

“I didn’t fuck her,” is what he settles on.

“Great,” you laugh, “Did she fuck you, then? Suck you off in the bathroom maybe?”

He visibly winces at that, “You know better.” 

“I don’t think I do, Jake.”

“I wouldn’t-” he starts, but you’ve had enough already.

“Shut up. Now,” you move closer to him until he is now backed against the counter, “You wouldn’t what? Let someone else fuck you? That’s just for me, isn’t it?”

“Yes,” he whispers, eyes wide and hands gripping the edge of the marble so hard his knuckles are turning white.

“Oh, so anything else is up for grabs, hm? Letting other women mark up what’s mine, kiss what’s mine, touch what’s mine?”

“No, that’s not true, and you know it,” he’s still speaking quietly, scared of your sudden change in demeanor. 

“Again, I don’t know what’s true, apparently,” you step forward again, pressing yourself against him. He inhales sharply, looking down at how close you are, and fights the urge to reach out and grab your hips. 

Jake stays silent, locking eyes with you once again. 

“You’re mine. Maybe you need a reminder, hm?” 

You reach up and run your fingers through his hair. He immediately starts nodding, and you can feel him growing harder against your thigh as he tries not to grind against you. His mouth opens, but before he can get a word out, you grip his hair tightly in your fist and pull, effectively forcing his head back and giving you full access to his neck.

“Shut up,” you say sharply as he lets out a pained hiss, “I’ve heard enough of your shit.”

Your lips brush against his neck, against the marks she left a few hours earlier. He lets out a quiet whimper, which causes you to tighten your grip on his hair once again. 

“She really did a number on you, huh?” You speak lowly as you begin to kiss softly over the red blooming over his tan skin. His chest is heaving as you begin sucking over the expanse of the bruises, trying to erase her marks with your own.

Jake’s hips kick up against you when you bite him harshly which causes you to pull your mouth away and push a thigh between his own. He bites down on his lip, trying desperately not to make a sound as you instructed. 

“Bedroom,” is all you say, stepping back to let him follow your command. You watch, somewhat delighted, as he nods and makes his way out of the kitchen, throwing one last guilty glance over his shoulder before disappearing and making his way to your shared room.

You take a deep breath once he’s gone, and wonder what you’ve gotten yourself into. You’re absolutely angry and hurt, which has somehow bled into arousal. Shaking your head at yourself, you decide to let him suffer a bit longer, and grab yourself a glass of water. 

Taking a sip, you stare at your reflection in the window in front of the sink and frown. Your mascara has run down your face, and the hurt is written all over your expression. Looking down at your hand, you realize you’ve been shaking this whole time.

The anger hits you once again, and the glass slips from your hand, falling to the floor with a loud shatter. It only serves as a reminder of how broken you yourself feel.

Running a hand through your hair, you let out a sigh and decide to leave the glass for later cleanup. You wipe the mascara off of your face to the best of your ability before turning to make your way to the bedroom.

Pushing open the door, you find Jake laying back on the bed only in his boxers and palming himself through them. He immediately pulls his hand away from himself when you enter, looking at you with wide eyes as if to apologize.

“So fucking desperate, Jake,” you shake your head at him, “Can’t even wait five minutes for me.”

His mouth opens then quickly shuts again, remembering your earlier demand for silence. Ignoring him, you dig through one of the drawers of your dresser. He whines softly when you turn around and show what you grabbed. You toss the strap onto the bed next to him, watching as he eyes it desperately. 

“Sit up,” you order, and he complies.

“You remember the safe word?” You ask softly, tucking a loose strand of hair behind his ear.

He nods, but you ask for confirmation, “You can say it.”

“Red,” he breathes out.

You almost smile. “I think you owe me, baby,” you sigh, “Getting me all worked up, hurting me like that. Make me feel good, then I’ll think about you, hm?”

He nods, moving to grab your hips to flip you onto the bed when you give him a pointed look. He retreats, and you instruct him to lay back on the bed once again. 

Getting up from the bed, you can tell he’s confused. You come back holding a piece of simple black rope, and then he understands. Jake brings his hands out in front of him, offering them to you before you even get the chance to ask.

You wrap the rope around his wrists and tie it, pulling it so it’s snug against him, but not uncomfortably tight. “Above your head,” you order.

As he does what you’ve asked of him, you take the time to remove your shirt and shorts, leaving both your bra and panties on. Moving to straddle his hips, he licks his lips at the sight of you.

Running your hands down his chest, you watch as he shivers at your touch, muscles twitching. 

“You’re so hard, baby,” you hum, grinding your hips down just once, “Did she not do a good job? Didn’t get you off?”

Jake shakes his head no, “You can answer me,” you decide, “Only if I ask you a question.”

“Okay,” he gasps out as you reach up to grab his neck. Squeezing lightly, you watch as his mouth drops open and his tongue darts out to lick his bottom lip.

“So? She really didn’t get you off?” You grind against him again.

He fights to keep his breath steady enough to respond, “I told you she didn’t, love.”

“Did you get her off instead? Bend her over the dirty bathroom sink and eat her out? Did she taste good? As good as me?” You question him.

“I didn’t, I promise, I wouldn’t. Only want you, I’m sorry,” he rambles.

“Stop apologizing if you don’t mean it.”

“I mean it, baby, I do,” he begs.

You roll your eyes, lifting yourself off of him to slide your panties down your thighs. His fingers twitch where they rest above his head, wanting to reach down and touch you.

“Make me cum,” is all you say before shifting up the bed over him so your cunt is directly above his face. He licks his lips again and nods frantically.

You finally let yourself fall down against him, thighs sitting on either side of his head. You grab his hands with one of yours, “If you need a break squeeze me three times. Do it now so I know you understand,” you sigh out as he drags his tongue across your slit and up to your swollen clit. He squeezes your hand three times, and you squeeze his hand back just once to confirm you felt it.

He swirls his tongue around your clit, sucking it into his plush mouth and humming against you lightly. He knows exactly how to make you fall apart, especially with his mouth. He goes down on you anytime he has the chance. 

“Feels good,” you offer him just the smallest amount of praise, before taking action and grinding yourself against his tongue. You look down to find him watching you closely, eyes wide and desperate. He’s moaning into you at the taste, begging for more without words. The way he looks when he’s eating you out never fails to make you even more desperate.

He sucks your swollen bud into his mouth again, swirling over and over it with his tongue, just like he knows you like. He’s playing dirty, trying to get you to cum quickly. You choke on a moan, eyes rolling back in your head as you feel the knot in your stomach tightening. 

“Fuck, Jake, I’m gonna cum,” you gasp out.

He hums against you, working his tongue faster, eyes still locked on yours, desperately trying to get you there. You slam head on into your orgasm, crying out his name, tightening your grip on his hand as you feel the pleasure coursing through your body.

He lets you ride it out, still licking against you softly and rubbing his thumb softly against your hand above him. You don’t fall off of him until your thighs are shaking. His hair is messy, face covered in your release, and soft whines are trilling off his tongue. 

“Don’t think that means you’re forgiven,” you mumble. You reach up to grab his face, forcing him to look at you, “You’re lucky I even let you taste me. You don’t deserve it.”

“I know,” he whispers out, “Thank you.”

You let go of his face, instead resting your hand flat against his cheek. He knows you well enough to know what’s coming, and braces for the impact.

“Give me a color.”

“Green,” his reply is breathy, “I deserve it. Hit me, I know you want to.”

“Yeah, you do fucking deserve it.” 

Your palm comes in contact with his cheek, a smack noise sounding throughout the room, followed by a groan from Jake. “Cannot believe you,” you speak again. Leaning down, you connect your lips for the first time since he came home. He whines into your mouth, licking into you desperately.

“I know, I’m sorry, baby, please. More,” he whispers against your lips. He sounds more desperate than you can ever remember him being.

“You’ll get what I want to give you,” you say plainly, moving from your place on his hips to between his legs. He lets you pull his boxers off of him, hands still in their place on the pillow above him.

His cock slaps against his stomach, hard and leaking, already beginning to leave a pool of precum on his soft skin.

You spit into your hand, taking hold of him and stroking him as lightly as you can manage just once. His knees fall open when your hand moves further down his thigh, and you reach to your nightstand to grab the bottle of lube that resides there. 

——

He’s moaning breathlessly as you work him open, cock twitching where it lays against his soft stomach. 

“Please, I need it,” he begs. 

“I told you, you get what I fucking give you,” you pull your fingers out and he whines at the loss.

“I’m sorry. Sorry, baby. I’ll listen. Promise.”

“Yeah, you will.”

His chest is heaving, you’ve taken your time working him up, and you can see how desperate he is. His eyes keep fluttering shut and he’s covered in a light sheen of sweat.

Fastening the strap around your hips in record time, you lean over him again, “You want this?”

“Please,” he nods, “Ruin me. I deserve it, please.”

“God, I hate you,” you bite out as you line yourself up and push inside of him in one quick thrust, “but I fucking love you.”

“I love you, baby. So much,” he whines out, already overstimulated from the constant teasing and feeling of being full, “Feels so good, already. Please.”

“Yeah? Feels good? Then why do you need others?” You can’t help it. Adjusting your grip on his hips, you pull him towards you, smiling to yourself when he gasps out a whimper at how deep you are. 

“I don’t, I swear. I’m sorry baby,” you pick up your pace, and a broken moan of your name sounds throughout your bedroom, “Sorry, sorry, ‘M sorry,” he rambles on.

“Stop fucking apologizing,” you bring your hand to swat at his cheek once again. He takes it, a gasped moan flying out of his mouth.

“Okay, okay. More. Please more,” he says through a string of moans.

“Was she as good as me? Hm, Jakey? Are you sure you did not let her fuck you like you let me?” 

“No,” he shakes his head, “Just want you, baby, only you.”

“You’re fucking mine,” another slap across his cheek, he bites out a desperate groan, nodding his head, “No one will fuck you like I can.”

“Mhm,” he gasps through a moan, “No one, baby. I’m sorry.”

“Shut the fuck up,” you cut through his apology with a sharp thrust, his back arching into you.

You reach between the two of you to grab his cock, starting to stroke him in time with your thrusts. He’s whining, little “uh” sounds escaping his open mouth everytime you thrust into him.

“Baby, ‘m close,” he warns you, “Gonna cum.”

“No,” you say as you take your hand away from his leaking cock and slow you thrusts down until you’re stopped, still fully inside of him.

He whines, his hands that have so far stayed in place above him coming down in an attempt to grab you. You take hold of his wrists before he makes contact, pushing them back against the bed and holding them there. 

“Keep going,” he begs, “Please, gorgeous. I need it, I need to cum.”

“Tell me what you did, maybe I’ll let you cum.” You lay out a compromise, grinding your hips against him, pushing the strap deeper inside of him.

Jake whimpers, eyes rolling back. “I told you already, I told you everything.” As angry as you are, he looks delicious. 

“I want details, Jake. How did you touch her? How did she touch you? What did you say to her? You’re not fucking cumming until you tell me everything.”

“No,” he gasps out, “I can’t.”

“You can and you will.” You pull all the way out only to fuck back into him once.

He whines, tossing his head to the side so he does not have to look at you when he admits, “She was on my lap,” he sounds ashamed, as he should be, “Kissing me. My neck, my lips. My hands were on her waist, hers were all over me, I don’t remember.”

“Like hell you don’t remember,” you grab ahold of his chin, forcing him to look at you, “What did you say to her?”

“I was drunk,” is all he offers you, letting his eyes slip shut.

“Look at me,” you plead, “please.”

He takes a breath and opens his eyes, “Don’t do this.”

“You did this,” you whisper.

Before he gets a chance to respond, you begin fucking him hard and fast again, watching his eyes roll back. 

“Baby, slow down. If you don’t I’m gonna cum,” he warns.

“Then you better start talking,” you laugh, despite how unfunny it is, “I think I made myself clear.”

“I didn’t say much,” he whines.

“Liar. You have a dirty fucking mouth. I know you better than that.”

You continue your brutal pace, watching as he struggles to hold himself together and collect his thoughts.

“I can’t, you need to slow down.”

You stop again, looking at him expectantly.

“I told her she was pretty. That I wanted her, but it wasn’t true. I promise, baby. None of it was true.”

“Fuck you,” is all you can manage, the anger still bleeding into the desire to absolutely ruin him. You pick up your pace once again, taking a hold on his neck and using your other hand to stroke him.

“Fuck me,” he gasps out from your grip around his throat, “Ruin me.”

“I will,” you promise, stroking him faster.

You feel him twitch in your hand, his mouth falling open and moans falling out with every thrust of your hips, “I’m gonna cum, pretty girl.”

“Wait,” you force him to look at you again, “I’ll tell you when you can.”

“I can’t wait, baby.”

“Fucking wait,” you slap him again, and he lets a high pitched whine as his thighs begin shaking around you.

“I’m sorry baby, please,” you watch as a tear falls from his eye, “I can’t hold it, I’m sorry.”

“You don’t deserve this. You don’t deserve me. You don’t deserve to feel this good.”

“I know,” he cries out, a moan following, “You’re right, baby, I know. Hit me again. Please, you want to. I want you to,” he begs. 

You let out a small groan, reaching up to place a smack across his cheek once again. You’re so worked up, despite him getting you off only a bit earlier. The friction of the strap rubs against your swollen clit with each thrust, but it is nowhere near enough to make you cum again. 

“Baby,” he pulls you out of your own desperate thoughts, “Baby, fuck, baby. Please, I’m gonna cum, please.”

He’s shaking still, head thrashing back and forth against the pillow as he tries to follow your direction. 

“No,” you whine, grabbing his chin one again and forcing eye contact. 

“I can’t look at you,” his eyes close again, “Too much, too pretty, baby, please,” you slap him again and his eyes fly open, getting the hint. “Oh god,” he moans out as his eyes lock onto your own. 

“Cum,” you finally give him permission, grabbing at his hands above him.

“Fuck, thank you,” he wheezes as his orgasm hits him head on, white streaking across his stomach and onto your hand, stealing the air from his lungs, “Thank you, sweet girl. I love you,” he continues to mumble sweet nothings into the air as he comes down from his high.

You don’t reply other than a quick, “You’re welcome,” and slowly pull out. He hisses at the loss, then realizes your hand is still holding his own and gives you a squeeze. 

“Let me make you feel good,” he offers, “I can do it. Anything for you, please.”

“No,” you shake your head, “I’m fine.”

“You’re not,” he whispers, squeezing your hand tighter.

“I wonder why,” you hum, untying his wrists and beginning to move off of him.

His hands fly to your waist, holding you close to him. You give in easily, and allow him to flip the two of you over and settle in his favorite spot - between your thighs. He begins leaving light kisses on the inside of them, and just before he begins to go down on you again, he whispers softly,  “I love you.”

And you almost believe him.

Taglist: @lyndz2names

[the-musical-cc]

Not gonna watch the Mario Movie until at least next week (It's Semana Santa over here, kids are outta school, people don't give a damn about still respecting COVID restrictions and people are incredibly annoying about being the first to watch something as if it's not worth a damn otherwise.) so here's papá luchón Toadsworth with his fruit spawn from my Momotaro!Peach AU in the meantime.

[snzluv3r]

i actually feel so incredibly uncomfortable and isolated in this space right now and i know that’s silly because of how many people there are just like me who share the same feelings but idk…the fact that people even think this is defensible behavior is making me feel sick

[frogoru]

i've had to indulge in christian scripture a lot for the past few months because personal life stuff and i need everyone to know that there's a book in the bible where king solomon goes on and on about how horny he is for his wife and it's SO SENSUAL and i didn't expect it at all (it's really beautifully written if anything but also sex funny. i put verses down below that invoked said feelings because its so wow)

"Your two breasts are like two fawns,     twins of a gazelle,     that graze among the lilies."

- 4:5

"...How much better is your love than wine,     and the fragrance of your oils than any spice! Your lips drip nectar, my bride;     honey and milk are under your tongue;"

- 4:10-11

"How beautiful are your feet in sandals,     O noble daughter! Your rounded thighs are like jewels,     the work of a master hand. Your navel is a rounded bowl     that never lacks mixed wine. Your belly is a heap of wheat,     encircled with lilies.  Your two breasts are like two fawns,     twins of a gazelle.  Your neck is like an ivory tower. Your eyes are pools in Heshbon,     by the gate of Bath-rabbim. Your nose is like a tower of Lebanon,     which looks toward Damascus. Your head crowns you like Carmel,     and your flowing locks are like purple;     a king is held captive in the tresses."

- 7:1-5

"Your stature is like a palm tree,     and your breasts are like its clusters.  I say I will climb the palm tree     and lay hold of its fruit. Oh may your breasts be like clusters of the vine,     and the scent of your breath like apples, and your mouth like the best wine.

She

It goes down smoothly for my beloved,     gliding over lips and teeth.

 I am my beloved's,     and his desire is for me."

- 7:7-10

In verse 8 of chapter 5 his wife says "I am sick with love." and that makes me feel really AHHHHHH oh my god?? it's so intimate

[aropride]

if you imagine that guy from saw and he's sawing his own leg off in the bathroom but it's just like, a normal bathroom and he's not chained to the wall or anything and he really didn't have to saw off his leg at all but he imagined a situation in which he would have to do that so he decided to get it over with as soon as possible. well that's how i approach all my interpersonal relationships