#when they ultimately become disabled too.

[snzluv3r]

i actually feel so incredibly uncomfortable and isolated in this space right now and i know that’s silly because of how many people there are just like me who share the same feelings but idk…the fact that people even think this is defensible behavior is making me feel sick

[triannel]

hello! Bill and a deaf-mute reader?

Alternatively, for the sake of attention and trying to impress, could Bill try to learn sign language or speak to them telepathically? I'm not sure about his telepathy. At least in the dream world, can hear him???

A funnier option: BILL CREATES SUBTITLES. When someone speaks, subtitles appear around them. Of course it takes a while to read, but the reader tries his best and probably laughs.

Bill and deaf-mute reader headcannon's

-Perceiving the world only by sight, your life was exceptional, your family loved you dearly but unfortunately they could not yet afford any treatment for your disability.

-You enjoy all you have though, not letting it upset you. The colors of the world making you feel functional at least. Although, you would be lying if you said you loved being like this.

-At times though you wished for your voice to come, for you to speak and hear all the sounds you could. You wanted to experience what other people had, you wanted to be normal... But until then you just had to be patient, the savings of your parents giving you more hope than ever.

-Then you met him, a strange creature that one day appeared in your dream. The three sided creature, Bill Cipher.

-He suddenly just appeared one day and for once in your life you heard something. When he spoke, you truly did hear him speak, although it did take some time for you to properly understand him. Your reading comprehension is great, but hearing and understanding was something you thought you never could attain, but here you are.

-Before you could properly understand him, he actually used sign language to speak, although it was not perfect you appreciated it.

-He messed around for a bit as well. After trying sign language, he also tried different methods to communicate. Charades, writing in different languages, drawing and even adding subtitles when he talked.

The vibrant colour of yellow brightened slightly as he spoke, subtitles appearing under him as he does so. The words flashed by quickly so you had to read fast in order to understand, but suddenly he stopped, and started drawing different pictures on the air that slowly transitioned to Morse code.

Like little bells, you started to laugh at his antics. Was....was that you, did you do that?

Surprised, you froze on the spot and tried to speak. A mess of jumbled sound was heard.

"JEEZ FINALLY! YES THAT'S YOU WONDER EYES," the subtitles under him read.

Right after you understood, a quick explosion happened inside of you. With a big toothy smile, you could not believe this was happening.

"WELL YOU BETTER BELEIVE IT, CAUSE' IF YOU WANT TO KEEP THESE YOU JUST NEED TO GIVE ME A SMALL favor IN RETURN," he spoke, using different methods that made it hard to decipher.

-You would ultimately reject his offer though, making a deal with him sounded quite sketchy.

-But despite your refusal, he surprisingly did not at all revoke your ability to speak and listen. He just kept coming back with no reason.

-His power would only work inside your mind though, as his reach to your dimension is too thin to have a direct effect on you.

-Overtime you would grow fond of him though, becoming quite a bit attached to the dreams that grants you the abilities you lost long ago. However, you can't help but feel it's all just a dream. It just feels so surreal, but even so you'd like to savour this as long as you'd like.

Waking up from your consciousness, you return to the mindscape. A few feet away from you, Bill sits in front of a piano.

Pressing one key, a musical note emenated from the instrument. Raising both his hands for a moment, he then started playing a song. Slowly, the notes colided with each other, creating a beautiful harmony.

The melody started to dance in your ears, your heartbeat slowing down as he started to sing.

"Daisy, daisy, give me your answer do..." He sang in unison while playing the piano.

Humming along with the tune, you approached him. Sitting down beside the long stool, you closed your eyes, humming and listening with your heart and ears as you both enjoyed each other's company.

[paper-mario-wiki]

why are you so pretty?

mostly through a lot of effort put into personal development, becoming more in tune with hygiene routines to clean up my appearance and self confidence, catching myself when im not standing/sitting up straight to make my posture better, eating a little more healthy so ive got more energy during the day, teaching myself how to put on and wear makeup, and through LOOOOOOOTS of selfies taken until i get the exact right angle that doesnt show off too much of my protruding brow or my love handles and nothing too close to the camera so you cant see the dense dark beard hair under my skin because it's still there even if im clean shaven if im not wearing enough foundation.

i didn't fall into looking like this and taking selfies as often as i do by chance. i didn't start taking hormones and instantly realize "oh now i like myself!" (though that definitely helped the process). it was through directed long-term effort and attention to myself and specific needs i didnt even realize i wasnt filling. i honestly think a lot of my "prettiness" is just in the confidence im willing to let myself have in my appearance that i didnt have before, and that's because i started taking stuff like this more seriously, and my body has felt better as a result. and it is kind of a drag to keep all of that up (ya know, the thing that all women have to do to be accepted by society, which also becomes significantly more difficult if you are even remotely disabled), but most of the things i talked about are just healthy decisions that most people might benefit from hearing anyway.

the ultimate "first step" is to make a single small decision, because you cant start a whole program all at once. my first step (when i was still "Chase" by the way) was trying on cutting soda out of my diet, brushing out my hair more often, and shaving the beard that i'd been using to cover as much of my face as possible for years. if you want to make Big Sweeping Changes to your life, try starting with stuff like that!

[covid-safer-hotties]

Back in early 2020, the news of the strange illness causing terrible pneumonias in China saddened me, but I believed I was safe in Canada. Within weeks, there was a reckoning: thousands were dying on my doorstep, too.

Directors of an independent living residence at the start of the pandemic asked me to become the residence’s COVID-19 advisor. They had no qualified medical staff, despite supporting elderly residents. Back in those early days, anyone with a medical qualification was commandeered to help in any way they could.

Confronted with the task of providing guidance to the nonmedical staff taking care of these residents, I decided to learn everything I could about the pandemic. At that time, about 1,000 papers were being published every month detailing research into every aspect of the coronavirus. Of course, I couldn’t read all of them, but I read as many as I could and built a breadth and depth of evidenced-based knowledge about SARS-CoV-2 and COVID-19. I wrote up the protocols and during my tenure as COVID-19 Advisor for this residence, we kept COVID out.

As a family physician seeing COVID-19 in my practice, I came to recognize that so many of my colleagues and patients had no idea how to keep themselves safe from the coronavirus, nor were they aware of its long-term risks. I saw the need to take action and effect change, which ultimately led me to becoming an advocate for Long COVID awareness.

I started the medical education company Kojala Medical, aiming to provide evidenced-based information about medical issues in a form patients could understand and reliably trust. I wanted a credible, trustworthy site to which I could refer my patients, colleagues, friends and family. We started with a focus on COVID-19 and have now expanded to Long COVID, with the site longcovidtheanswers.com.

I first learned about Long COVID in 2020 through publicity raised by the Body Politic COVID-19 support group, then became more alarmed as I read scientific articles about the disease.

Aside from the official death toll of over 7 million from COVID-19, Long COVID has emerged from the pandemic as the single biggest disaster to afflict humanity, yet very few people who are not sick with Long COVID are aware of it, want to know about it, believe in it, or even acknowledge that it’s happening. Sadly, many in the medical profession fall within that group of non and disbelievers.

This is bizarre, especially because of the impact of the disease. One recent review estimates more than 400 million global cases of Long COVID. I am furious that not enough is being done to alleviate this suffering. The injustice of yet another neglected and marginalized chronic illness that disproportionately affects women.

So, rather than sitting around waiting for ‘someone’ or ‘body’ to do something, I decided to act.

For me, medicine is fundamentally about aiding people to get as well as possible from any sickness they have — and even more importantly, preventing people from getting sick in the first place. In both of these regards, we are failing people with Long COVID dismally.

Long COVID is not the flu, it is a multisystem debilitating infection associated chronic condition. Developing Long COVID can be disabling and life-changing. Recovery remains low — and some manifestations like heart disease, dysautonomia, and myalgic encephalomyelitis (ME) may last a lifetime.

This is a terrifying situation to be in when, as a global community, we have chosen to act as though the pandemic is over and repeatedly expose ourselves to SARS-CoV-2, a grade 3 biohazard, with little to no protection.

As I read more and more research papers about Long COVID and looked at the inaction of global governments and my own profession, I feared that we were sleepwalking into a global mass disabling event unnecessarily, since we have many technologies available to prevent this.

Infection-associated chronic conditions do not have an established medical speciality, and are rarely taught in medical school. With the medical profession disengaged, people with Long COVID have been left to find answers for themselves.

My work aims to build on support groups, which have helped establish caring communities for people with Long COVID, but have also paved the way for us as scientists and medics to change the way we conduct research in a more patient-focused way. Nevertheless, they don’t entirely fulfill the need for evidence-based information about the disease in a readable format for nonmedical individuals.

I saw a huge need for a comprehensive website that would be of use to all people with Long COVID, their caregivers, the scientists researching the disease, and the multidisciplinary team of healthcare professionals that would be needed to rehabilitate them. Our organization believes that Long COVID The Answers meets those requirements.

There is also a pressing need to train medical professionals so that they will acknowledge Long COVID and feel confident about diagnosing and managing it. Inspired by an interview with Dr. Ric Arsenaeau, an expert in managing complex chronic diseases, my team and I created a podcast series: so that medical providers can receive continuing professional development/educational credits from watching this series.

The podcast series features a range of experts, including people with Long COVID, doctors, scientists, educators, and medical clinicians. Some of these experts also serve on our advisory board, overlooking and participating in the project.

Our site aims to raise awareness about the dangers of continuously exposing ourselves to a perilous virus with no thought of what it will cost us and our children.

This will mobilize the people of the world to demand that their leaders properly provide safe spaces for us all to prevent us from ever getting infected in the first place.

We need to mandate our governments to access all the mitigating technologies that we have in our roster, not only vaccination. The best way of managing Long COVID is to prevent people getting infected with SARS-CoV-2 in the first place!

We need national and international indoor clean air acts – to protect us from emerging pathogens.

For people with Long COVID, awareness will bring an educated and mobilized medical profession, governmental resources, financial and sociological support, and money for research — to facilitate treatments and, hopefully, a cure.

These are the main reasons why I jump out of bed in the morning with gusto, focus, and determination, and why I’ve poured all my money and my time into educating people about Long COVID.

Dr. Funmi Okunola is a British Family Physician who lives and works in Vancouver, Canada. She is the President and CEO of Kojala Medical, a digital medical education company behind COVID-19 The Answers and Long COVID The Answers.

[dufferpuffer]

The idea that Remus Lupin was trying to be CIVIL with Severus... MORE than Snape was trying to be civil with HIM... That... is hilarious.

Remus had one goal in POA: Look Good. Look good to Dumbledore - which meant not sharing useful information he had about Sirius Black, and likely outright LIED about things when asked. (he was his friend - and nobody asked 'is there anything you know to help with the search?' not even a stressed McGonagall...?) Look good to the Students - which meant not only being the bestest, nicest teacher possible, but to help them squash their fears. Their problems. To fearlessly walk all over Snape. I don't know if there is a single thing Remus said to Snape that wasn't passive aggressive and demeaning. Yet Snape, Mr Insults, Mr Witty Comebacks, Mr Explosive Temper - never once clapped back. He was always polite, always saying things sweetly... through gritted teeth, sure - but through gritted teeth is very much not his style when someone disrespects him.

"Severus was only being nice/putting up with it because Dumbledore told him to!" Yeah. Severus is a good boy, making an expensive and difficult potion every month, personally coming to serve it like a House Elf (Master Remus is in the habit of missing doses) Putting up with Remus' blatant lies about the map - even allowing him to take it away to his own office - because he knew snatching it back without proof would probably be against his orders.

I would call that being EXTREMELY civil. I'd call Remus' actions 'using him like a tool'. A social stepping stone. Not a good colleague.

"Snape only outed Remus' Lycanthropy because he was sore about not getting a medal!" When did Severus EVER do ANYTHING for positive attention...? If he wanted that medal so badly he could have killed Sirius Black while he was unconscious. Claimed he saved Harry Potter, dispelled the dementors himself... It would have been revenge for Lily, too! But no, he carefully lifted him onto a stretcher and took him to get medical help, despite thinking him a murderer set for execution.

"I think it is clear that Mr. Lupin is unfit to teach, due not only to the nature of his illness - but his behaviour regarding it. Having to teach his classes every month alongside my own was exhausting, as was brewing the difficult Wolfsbane potion in my spare time and delivering it by hand to ensure it was consumed... as he has proven himself indisputably irresponsible. That is not to mention the recent facts that have come to light about Sirius Black - information he never thought to mention. Worst of all, it is due entirely to his own negligence that I was forced to use my own body to shield three students from becoming infected with his illness... or worse, mauled to death."

Honestly I think that is a pretty reasonable formal complaint. But he didn't get Remus fired. Remus, now outed as disabled, could have used his LEGENDARILY RARE position as a beloved teacher with the personal backing of Albus Dumbledore to fight for better rights for and remain teaching. Albus did not fire him. The Ministry nor the Board of Governors had called for his firing. Remus quit of his own accord the MOMENT he got bad press.

It will be a long time before another werewolf will have the chance to advocate for their rights from such a supported position.

"I only missed my dose due to the emergency of realizing Sirius Black was on school grounds! I had a clean record the rest of the year, curled safely in my office - and despite it being my first year as a teacher taught my classes admirably. Any of the students and staff will vouch for my care towards my students and my subject... ...And the only one I harmed as a Werewolf was Black himself."

Remus would have SUCH an easy time explaining his negligence - and if he was willing to also use Sirius as a tool, as a social stepping stone, he could spin himself as a sort of hero, too. It would be a battle for sure. One he might lose, ultimately, and be forced to step down as a teacher. But he had the chance to be a POSITIVE face for those suffering Lycanthropy - in a world where most of them feel the only option is to turn to Fenrir Greyback. A fact he knows well, as a spy. The werewolf that was a teacher. That was PROUD of being a teacher. Whose students loved him. Who fought a murderer!

But he ran. Before anything. He would rather save face than fight for what he believes in - just like when he stayed quiet and didn't support Sirius in an argument, despite agreeing with him.

[twig-tea]

Things from Wandee Goodday ep 3 I can't stop thinking about:

I love so much that we got some good friends with benefits tension around personal boundaries when Dee asked who Yei was and then backed off (but Yak told him anyway). And between the jokes about rimming, Dee demanding Yak pay more attention to his dick last episode, and starting this episode in the 69 position, I am very, very here for this show saying over and over that sex is not just one act.

[ID: Gif of the beginning of episode 3, whichi is a pan-to-shot of Dee and Yak laying in 69 position on the floor under blankets]

i loved the different responses to hearing someone you love is in a "Friends with Benefits" situation; Kao warned Dee not to catch feelings or read too much into the situation and Cher/Yei teased Yak for lying to himself about what the situation is. Both are super valid and speak to who Dee and Yak are, who Kao and Cher/Yei are, and all of their experiences with love. And it speaks to the closeness of these relationships too, that Cher noticed Yak's necklace gone immediately and Kao similarly clocked its addition on Dee instantly.

Super here for Kao being the ultimate support bestie at work, equal parts haranguing and backing Dee up. Their relationship is perfection.

I really liked Yak peace-ing out of their agreement when Dee dropped a huge request with no context, that was so valid and in the spirit of FWB (he didn't actually owe him a bigger conversation).

I've already reblogged a couple of other people (@negrowhat and @lurkingshan) talking about this so I won't belabour it, but I am judging Dee for not only ignoring Yak's boundaries by going to his workplace and forcing him to train him and then flirting with him during training sessions after Yak both made clear he's worried about being out at work and had ended their agreement. I hope we get more of an explanation for Yak's reticence about dating a man while aiming for the championship as well as his change of mind.

The conversations with Cher and Oyei have me so curious about their history! Tell me everything, show. I put these questions in tags on a gifset (but to put them on main: Where is Oyei and Yak's father (who is also a former champ but apparently uninvolved with this family business, if he's still alive)? What happened to Yak's mother that he doesn't know if he takes after her? Why can they go to Cher's family for financial help but not Yei/Yak's (to the point where they had to take out what sounds like a predatory loan during COVID)? What is Cher afraid of re: being seen being affectionate to Oyei, and where does that come from? Is this history related to why Yak is so worried about his relationship to Dee getting in the way of his championship? All of this is seeded so organically and I'm so, so curious. It also has me even more in my feelings about Cher and Yei calling Yak their son.

[ID: Gif of Yei saying to Cher: I own this place. What's there to be afraid of? From the set linked in the paragraph above]

[I have a clown theory that Cher and Oyei's relationship is why his dad is out of the picture and his gym is in financial trouble (because it prevented Yei from getting sponsorship despite being a champion), and why Yak is worried about being in a relationship with a man even though he knows his brother won't care...we'll see how much of this the show pulls together!]

The flash of trauma from Dee at the crosswalk was interesting too; where is that going? What happened in Dee's past and how is it going to affect the story in future?

[More clown speculation: Is it related to why Dee is so good with patients and passionate about ortho? Has he seen someone in his life become disabled due to physical injury?]

Speaking of, I really loved seeing Dee be good at his job and great with patients and their families. In addition to it being just nice to see and good for our understanding of his character, it sets him up to have a fighting chance in the contest too, since patients apparently get a vote.

I love love love the camaraderie and giggling between Dee and Yak around making Ter jealous and shoving their fake relationship in those gossiping nurses' faces. The way they are actually friends who like one another and enjoy spending time together is just really wonderful to watch.

My biggest question is: Will Dee get a chance in this narrative to show up for Yak the way Yak has been showing up for Dee? And how can that current imbalance be reconciled with this all leading towards Dee trying to get a placement to go abroad--and his self-stated toxic trait of always needing to win? [shoutout to @chicademartinica for laying that out succinctly in her post]

In the meantime, I'm having a blast.

[weemietime]

There isn't a whole lot of content on Tumblr about schizoid personality disorder so I thought I would make a little informational post. SZPD is a cluster A personality disorder, of the odd/eccentric cluster alongside schizotypal and paranoid. It is on the schizophrenia spectrum, and comprises the negative rather than positive symptoms of schizophrenia.

This primarily means we have avolition, catatonia, flat/blunted affect (demeanor), limited interoception (emotional sensations), lack of bonds to others including primary family members, and indifference to the opinions of others.

Whilst this isn't a diagnostic criteria, many of us are also asexual and aromantic, meaning we don't want to have sex with other humans (but usually do masturbate) and have no interest in romantic companionship.

My most disabling symptom is avolition, because I have comorbid ADHD. This means when I don't have my medication (dextromethorphan 120mg) I just sit there and zone out and can't even hold a conversation or move my body, nor even do things like feed myself. It is genuinely crippling and I am unemployed because of this, even though my meds help, they don't cure me and I need a lot of time alone.

Schizoid is something of an "anti-human" disorder, because we fail to form basic social bonds with others including primary caregivers. As a child I got diagnosed with inhibited RAD because I could not tolerate human contact. This differs from autism because autistic people generally want to socialize, they just lack the skills. I don't want to socialize and it takes tremendous effort for me to do so.

To even make this post I had to wait for my meds to click in as I was just sitting there mindlessly beforehand. While we have low internal sensations of emotions like caring, love, happiness, trust, sadness, etc. we aren't typically antisocial/dissocial and don't have a pattern of exploiting others or dishonesty. This requires too much effort.

There is a schizoid version of narcissism but it is separate to narcissistic personality disorder. NPD is characterized by a very fragile ego. You can't contradict or disagree with NPD because they are unable to regulate the emotions caused by conflict. Conversely, SZPD does not care about the opinions of others at all and places little value on them.

Our sense of superiority is legitimate, meaning we just do genuinely believe we are smarter than other people. So your mileage may vary on how insufferable you find that. I recognize this trait in myself and work to actively challenge it since it is illogical for me to think I am more special than anyone else. But, my ego is very stable, so criticism doesn't bother me the way it would in NPD.

Interoception means the sensations you feel inside your body. We lack this, so even stuff like hunger and tiredness don't impact us until we are very hungry or extremely exhausted. I don't have the feeling you would to look at a family member and get a sense of love or trust. I have a logical sense of obligation that I developed through choosing what I value based on reason. I describe this as care, and I place importance on my friendships, but there is no emotional component to this, it is all cognitive.

Tangentially: I'm somewhat of an optimistic nihilist, believing that there is no grand purpose to existence. Yes, even as a religious person. I don't think G-d ultimately has a purpose either, as an agent of the universe. (I don't believe G-d created the universe.) We have a human nervous system, so we base our rubric for morality on suffering and decide what is meaningful both collectively and individually.

I don't believe in true freedom of will (but I do believe we have agency), because we know that Bereitschaftspotential or reaction potentials occur in the brain up to two seconds before we become conscious of a volitional desire. Our consciousness occurs because of quantum synchronicity in the brain, so our free will is in a bit of an in-between state rather than fully determined or fully free.

So, we are not born deciding "I'm going to be an abuser," that happens because of brain abnormalities. It's no different than the forces of creation and destruction at work like a virus infecting a host cell. I don't place much importance on concepts of self-hood, I view myself as the electrical and chemical processes that occur in my brain, which happen without my choosing, that I can influence and impact through my own agency.

Anyway, these are just some basic schizoid meanderings for you all and I hope that this was informative or interesting in some way. Peace.

[tumblingxelian]

OK I am just gonna say it.

In regards to the whole "The writers said Ironwood sacraficing his arm means he is giving up his humanity" thing?

I think that they are 100% talking from Ironwood's perspective there.

Now hear me out.

Ironwood is one of the people who most dehumanizes Penny. Yeah sure he's superficially 'nice' when everything is going his way. Be he explicitly had her made as a weapon and the moment its more convenient to treat her as a tool than a person he does so.

Ironwood is fucking weird about his prosthetics. He is always trying to hide them until they are too bulky to cover up with clothing. He's clearly deeply uncomfortable with them and defaults to blaming them for his own behavior.

Compare & contrast to other characters. All of the heroic characters constantly emphasize Penny's personhood and even when disagreeing with her never start couching their language in commands but convincing arguments as they would anyone else.

What's more, Yang, Maria, Fox, Pietro & hell even Tyrian all wear their prosthetics or disabilities very openly and without shame. The shows framing, theme & narrative do not present these things as some kind of loss of humanity or otherwise as a negative. If "Prosthetics eat your soul" was a thing the writers actually felt, it would be more obvious.

Note: I am unsure whether the writers regard Penny as disabled, so I didn't put her with the others.

Penny's new body. Much for much-ness is made about Penny "Becoming a real girl" as though the show hadn't consistently treated her as one from her first moment on screen. & while ignoring the fact that her new body was clearly a magical/Aura construct given it was made up of wobbly green energies under a scan not flesh and bone like other characters.

Even if we ignore all that, when it comes to her new body and that whole angle, while she did show an appreciation for her new tactile senses, she was also shown to be far more vulnerable & generally to be struggling with the new body & it ultimately led to her fall.

This is very much not on brand if we were meant to regard her mechanical form as some kind of problem outside of how others used it to mistreat her.

One of Atlas's core themes' is dehumanization. The people pf Mantle are dehumanized into a faceless mob, a few city blocks that can easily be crushed beneath Ironwood's heel.

Cinder Fall was "adopted" into child slavery where the rights of her abusers to own and harm her always took precedence over her humanity.

The Ace-Ops are trained to regard themselves, their fellows & everyone else as inherently expendable. Cogs in a machine that can be replaced and should not be cared for or mourned.

& most integrally, when Ironwood sacrificed his arm so he could beat Watts. When he had Watts dangling over a lava pit & said he would sacrifice anything to beat Salem. Watts smirked. Because Watt's knew Ironwood's penchant to view harming himself or others as "Ruthlessness" and thus pragmatism was alive & well & would destroy him. Which it did.

The 'other' statement. There is one other line people point to, namely Yang's V8 line, regarding "The mechanical bits are just extra" as somehow ableist. Even ignoring as I said before that I am unsure CRWBY even regard Penny as disabled, or as equivalent to a person using prosthetics. The fact is, I can only view taking that statement as dehumanizing Penny by virtue of her mechanical nature as at best, misinterpreting Yang's statement.

Seriously, they are talking about the fact Penny will still have a soul. IE the very metric of personhood that's used to define every person in universe! It'd be no different if she was made of clay or cloned flesh.

Conclusion. As I said above, if the writers really felt that way about prosthetics, it would be much more overt than one off hand statement that very much seems to reflect Ironwood's thinking not the writers. Ironwood thinks giving up his arm and replacing them with prosthetics is something that makes him less human, a trait he explicitly admired in/projected onto Salem. It makes so much more sense for the writers to be commenting on Ironwood';'s thought process here given it thematically does not align with the rest of the show at all otherwise.

[clanwarrior-tumbly]

So, now that the DLC is out, I was wondering if I could request a part two to the pokepasta trainer reader? Like them and their team meeting Carmine, Kieran, and Perrin?

Oooo yeah!! I'm guessing you meant this post (being part 1). I'm honestly impressed by the notes ghshghsh but I'm glad ya'll love the pokepasta!reader <333

Gonna format these as hcs if that's okay

.........

Carmine

She's seen tourists bring in weird Pokémon, but you brought the scariest ones she's ever seen in her life.

She sends out her Poochyena to do battle, thinking she can intimidate you....and she SCREAMS when your Freakachu comes out to play.

It's loud enough for all to hear and for the caretaker to arrive and prematurely end the fight.

Well, at least she finally got off your back before things could get too heated.

Kieran was shocked though bc his sister was usually so brave.

During your time in Kitakami, she's just going to,,,,stare at your Pokémon team, especially when you introduce her to Purin and Disabled (she definitely thinks they're some weird gray regional variants and nothing more)

She's extremely confused as to why you named your Wigglytuff after a status move.

And Missingno.....is something she can't even begin to wrap her brain around, but she buys the story of it being from a really old Kantonian myth. That's something she can 100% believe.

After meeting Ogerpon and learning she's been misunderstood all along, Carmine slowly realizes she may have treated your Pokémon the same way.

They've been through some horrible things, and she was quick to judge them, so she apologizes for that.

Although Freakachu's smiles still creep her out..she's friendlier towards Purin and Disabled (not that she'll ever admit this, ofc).

Kieran

Like Carmine, he's gonna be pretty spooked by how your Pokémon team looks, at first.

But considering he never thought the Ogre was scary. he's nowhere near as judgmental.

During your walks together and at dinner, you explained where your 'mons came from--or at least the short and least terrifying versions of those tales so you didn't freak him out too much..

He's just fascinated that you've gone out of your way to help them despite their reputations as "monsters".

He hopes to one day have a strong bond like that with his team, or Ogerpon.

Tbh he found it really sweet when you purchased a Pikachu mask for Freakachu to wear so he could visit the festival of masks without scaring anybody.

Missingno was, understandably, the most bizarre Pokémon Kieran has ever seen, but once you explained how it's an old Kantonian myth...he's like "wowzers..that's so cool!!"

He genuinely believes you and him have a lot in common: being outcasts and adoring Pokémon most people were afraid of.

So it's even more heartbreaking for him when Ogerpon ultimately chooses to go with you instead of him.

Despite your team being utterly terrifying, she felt more comfortable being by their side...and it doesn't make sense to him at all.

It just doesn't seem fair.

He envies how your Missingno can pretty much give you whatever items you wanted--and an infinite number of them, too.

You warned him that it's not something you messed around with (plus, it corrupted an old friend of yours long ago), but he didn't care about any of that.

He wanted to know how to harness that power.

Maybe when he becomes even stronger, he'll challenge you again...

And the winner got to keep Missingno.

Perrin

She thought the Bloodmoon Beast was a terrifying and ominous force to be reckoned with, especially in the photograph she obtained.

But what you had on your team was nothing short of both amazing...and downright horrifying.

She assumes Freakachu, Purin, and Disabled are some Pikachu, Jigglypuff, and Wigglytuff variants she's never heard about or have gone extinct.

Maybe like Bloodmoon Ursaluna, they were from a distant land or some time period.

So she keeps an open mind and convinces them to do some cool poses (despite her Hisuian Growlithe always hiding behind her, tail tucked between its legs, and being certain that Purin's stare is gonna haunt her dreams now).

The only one she's heard of before was Missingno, having once believed it to be a myth from Kanto...and now she can see that it's real! And it's in your possession!

She wants a photo of it. Not for any sort of recognition or accolade, but as proof in the books that it's legit.

Unfortunately, while she can see it glitching, changing forms, spawning items for you, etc. right before her very eyes...it never shows up on camera.

Every photo she attempts to take gets corrupted or lost in the developing process.

You politely have to ask Perrin to stop before she breaks her camera.

She is, however, free to photograph your other Pokémon as they are in their natural state (aka acting like their normal counterparts and not creatures that really should've been dead long ago).

[batboyblog]

Do you think there is any benefit to the idea that Biden should just not bother with these TV debates anymore? With how the media is so strongly stacked against him, that it might be more beneficial to focus on things where he excels at like town halls and meeting people in person?

I think he agreed to do it, so backing out would look worse and be more damaging than any benefits from sticking to events that play to his strengths. Indeed the media attacked him pretty heavily for being over choreographed in events and interviews (sounds like Hillary being "over prepared") I do think Biden should, and if you look at the last few weeks he has, do more events with the people, and if he can wrangle a televised town hall that'd be great.

but on debate, we shouldn't think Biden is some historically bad debater. In 2012 Obama BOMBED his first debate with Romney, people were writing the death notices for his re-election (much closer to E-Day then July!) and it was Biden who swung into action at the Vice-Presidential debate, laughing in Paul Ryan's face and mocking him easily showing Ryan up as unlikeable and trying to destroy social security. Biden is good at being the every man reacting to "Malarkey!"

I think what went wrong in the first debate is two fold. First of all when you're President and you care to do the job, there's never ever gonna be enough time, there will always be one more call, one more meeting, one more thing that needs your attention. Biden mentioned aids adding things to the schedule. If you're a President like Biden who is good at the job and likes it, I can see how it becomes hard to say "no" because we're talking huge things. So Biden had been working too much, too hard, for too long. That week he went to Europe, did the G7 meetings lots of meetings lots of work, flew back to the US to California to do a fundraiser with Obama and George Clooney, flew back to Atlanta to do the debate. Along the way the guy gets a cold, so what we all saw was a guy who was tired from months of working too hard, jet-lagged, and sick. Trump did nothing that week, he golfed and hung out with friends showed up rested and not having a head cold.

The other thing is the prepped for the wrong debate. One team Biden pushed for rules that ultimately helped Trump. The rule of mics being off when the other is speaking, people hate when Trump interrupts, he's at his worse when he does that, you made sure he couldn't do that. Second no crowd, all politicians feed off crowds, read their energy. crowds cause Trump to lean into his worst instincts always reaching for the next big reaction, but also Biden feeds off people's reactions, in a way that is much better for him than it is for Trump.

outside the rules, clearly Biden and his team gamed out the debate assuming the moderators would do the heavy lifting of fact checking Trump and calling him on his lies and Biden's job was to look like the smart normal politician and spit out facts and figures. As a life long stutterer being able to recall and recite exact numbers and data points in just the way they were written down is not and never been a strength of Biden's, he's NOT dumb, but I can say you carry the baggage of people thinking you're an idiot from when you were a disabled kid your whole life, and I've read a lot of stories that some times in a room full of Harvard and Yale people he can get rattled. And I think that happened they pushed him to try to memorize their talking points their data sets and he got in his head. And when the debate turned out to not at all be what he planned for, when the moderators showed no interest in pushing back on Trump, Biden was caught off guard, a not sick, not jet-lagged, not tired Biden would have turned it around more quickly. We saw later in the debate Biden figure out what debate he was in and how to act and start to ditch trying to remember data sets and just throw out quips and lines "morals of an ally cat!", had he been feeling better, he'd have gotten there much faster.

So I think if Biden takes better care of himself, is strict about not adding more to his work load, takes time off to relax and rest before a debate (work on his tan like JFK did before the Nixon Kennedy debate) and also focuses on being himself, he's not Obama or Bill Clinton who are great masters of explaining complex issues with facts and figures that makes you feel like you're in school with a favorite teacher. That's not Joe, he knows the stuff, he does, but his skill his being everyone's favorite uncle telling it like it is, let him do that and he'll be fine.

[pulchrasilva]

Thinking about William as a metaphor for disability again. Thinking about how William got into an accident and suddenly he's watching his body rot and fall apart. How does he cope with that? How do his family and friends cope with that? Thinking about how he died, and in a way he and the people around him have to mourn that. How when you're recently disabled you might mourn the ability you've lost, and people around you might mourn because they believe they've lost something too even though you're still RIGHT THERE. Thinking about the monsters in Deadwood being attracted to the wisps and ultimately forcing him to leave home and how that reflects the world suddenly becoming inhospitable and hostile towards you overnight. How rather than making Deadwood safer for William, he had to just leave. How often the way the world treats disabled people forces them to retreat from it in some way. How William was just arguing that the Lich didn't have rights because it wasn't alive, and then finding out he's dead too. How disabled people have their personhood stripped from them by people who think they'll never be disabled so why should they care. Are you listening to me

[mischiefbuckley]

for eddie it’s having to have a conversation with christopher and all the nerves and feelings and emotions and acceptance he will now have to face with finally coming to terms with his sexuality (if it does end up happening in season 8 depending on what happens in the season 7 finale or whenever the start of eddie’s sexuality arc begins) with raising a teenage son and having that freedom that was taken away from him from a young age of becoming a father too soon, being forced into a marriage due to the religious views inflicted upon him from a young age and then going off and enlisting in the army to endure more pain and trauma and come back feeling abnormal and never realizing that he’s been playing a part and hasn’t had the chance to be normal with his true self and finally when he does decide to break away from his family in texas and experience some freedom away from home in a new city and surrounding himself with new people who give him that sense of family that he has never truly felt with his family because they expect something from him as the man of the house

eddie meets buck, which at first he had reservations and didn’t understand why he didn’t like eddie at all. all eddie has wanted is to do right by his son and trying to provide and be there for him. by doing right by his son, he wants him in the best school that is adapting and considerate to his disability of cerebral palsy, eddie wants to be able to please his every want and desire, including reconnecting with his estranged wife to be able to figure out where this relationship goes and what that means for christopher. eddie is still needing to play the part and he enjoys himself in the idea that they would go back to normal, but that’s not the case. unfortunately due to some circumstances out of everyone’s control, shannon passes away after she had just brought up getting a divorce after eddie was going to propose to her and she announced that she wasn’t pregnant at all after her pregnancy scare. eddie after shannon passes away feels this need to continue to chase this image of a perfect family with the dotting wife and working husband with their son. he tries to find shannon in other woman, even going after and seeking a doppelgänger lookalike named kim, because to him that is what is perceived as normal and he never did get closure on shannon. shannon’s ghost continues to haunt eddie in many ways because he ultimately feels like he failed at the one thing he should have been good at. you need to be married to a woman and raise children together and be the provider of the household. those were images and reality that eddie grew up surrounded around because of the culture and religious background from his family.

when all along who has been your day one with christopher. who got you connected with carla, who always made time for you when you wanted to take christopher out, when you needed someone to watch christopher, even when just hanging out during the week and enjoying each other’s company. who made it possibly for your son with cerebral palsy to ride a skateboard and enjoy the memory because buck was able to figure something out. buck has always been in eddie’s corner and cares so much about him as he does his son. eddie trusts buck so much he’s in his will (WHICH IF DOESN’T GET BROUGHT UP IN THE FINALE MISSED OPPORTUNITY) as Christopher’s legal guardian (and I’m guessing buck is also listed as the power of attorney as well with knowing how unhinged he is) eddie reached out for him when he was shot and bleeding out and even eddie while bleeding out in the engine, was still asking buck if he was okay despite him being the one that was shot. eddie and buck have shared multiple heart to heart conversations about each other and how they feel and eddie constantly reminds buck that he does matter, he matters to him so much, he matters to christopher. when eddie was going through leaving the 118 and attending therapy and trying to grasp control over his emotions and how eddie’s afraid that he will “never feel normal.” it’s the fact that buck would go and stay with christopher while eddie would go to therapy and would go and check in on him. with buck getting struck by lightning you see eddie experience pain again in a new light. it’s always buck that has endured these moments of panic whenever something happens to eddie while on call, but we see eddie run after buck and continuously yelling “buck” as he is dangling off the ladder and when they finally do get him down, bobby makes eddie drive the ambulance because it is the only control that eddie has at the moment that he can control because he can’t control what is happening to buck and then the idea of seeing yet again another person you love die in an ambulance isn’t the best way to see your best friend, so driving the ambulance seems like the right call. even while at the hospital, eddie can’t seem to control his emotions even around christopher and we see this when eddie sneaks christopher in the room and he starts asking eddie all these questions and he can’t answer them and it’s hen answering because Eddie is trying to keep it together in front of his son, but can’t help but stare at his best friend while he’s in a coma and not knowing what would happen. everything seems to be well with buck, but eddie memorized the 3 minutes and 17 seconds because that will never leave him. his best friend was dead for 3 minutes and 17 seconds and none of them could do anything about it. he doesn’t try to get buck to adjust to his new reality. he lets him come to eddie and initiate the conversation because he knows that buck will always come to him when he needs to talk.

and coming around back with season 7 and especially after last nights episode and with how eddie and how his storyline is currently going we are introduced to the problem of christopher feeling disconnected and not remembering his mom’s voice, so we get the ghost of shannon as he reads her letter and eddie is trying to figure out how to handle a situation now with his teenage son that he wasn’t prepared for. so he asked buck for help and it’s funny how it goes full circle and ends up going back to eddie and kim, but then we get eddie being social and hanging out with tommy, which good for him he needs to go out and about and enjoy his life like he took on so many different responsibilities and didn’t get to enjoy himself in his early 20s. and yk buck’s jealously (but I’ll circle back to that in a later analysis) but it’s the fact that eddie just found it so easy to hangout and invite tommy to the basketball games and be able to just feel relaxed and excited because he yk writes it on the calendar. then we get the scene between eddie and buck where he comes out to him and like that scene really is something because eddie just stays there and listens to buck. he was more shocked by anything that tommy is gay, but he told buck that nothing would change between them. it’s always buck and eddie at the end of the day. and they hugged and it felt very sweet because it shows that despite anything and everything that can come their way, they will always be there for each other. but with eddie you have him still trying to find closer with the relationship he has with shannon and that’s what the basis of his storyline has been in season 7 with the whole kim plotline. eddie with his relationship with marisol like his previous relationship with ana, it is more if Christopher feels comfortable around them he feels happy. But when have we genuinely heard him go out of his way to talk about them in a way that makes sense for someone to talk about someone that they are in a relationship with.

Especially with yk the season 7 change to ABC, like Marisol is giving nothing to the plotline at all except just being his girlfriend while eddie is doing the whole going after the doppelgänger of his late dead wife and giving more of a dramatic arc to the whole thing. eddie pursuing kim was him trying to grasp some closer on the whole situation between him and Shannon. he is able to control the narrative in his mind and prior to kim showing up at the station with the tray of brownies, eddie had done a decent job at managing to keep all his worlds apart and keep the distance between everything in his life and I think that is his biggest challenge that he has never had to confront reality and that will be a big challenge for him to overcome whenever his sexuality arc comes into play. because currently we left off with season 7 episode 9 on the ending being that eddie was getting off of his chest everything he would have wanted to say to shannon but never got the chance too because she died and in a way kim was trying to help the guy out, but it ended up backfiring in both of their faces because marisol and christopher walk in and christopher immediately calls out and says “mom” and it all just ties back to how neither one of the diaz boys have really accepted and moved on from shannon. eddie in the sense that was his first everything and how could you move on from the death of a spouse, especially after she had asked for a divorce prior to passing away and christopher I mean that was his mom. we have seen that since christopher lost her at a young age, he did attend therapy, but gradually over the years it gets brought up again and again because how will a child ever truly get over the death of their parent. they both have tried to accept and try to move on, but both of their coping throughout the years has been at the best of their ability. eddie is stuck and has been stuck in a place of not being able to move on and still we have the next episode to see what happens, but with this distance and isolation that Ryan talked about Eddie experiencing at the end of season 7, it does make me wonder how this could tie into a potential coming out/acceptance arc for Eddie

anyways some of my random thoughts I’ve had especially after last nights episode so if you read all the way through, thanks homies I ramble a lot I know lmao

[gwenllian-in-the-abbey]

i think Helaena can be autistic but also a happy and joyful girl , autism ≠ depression. the way the portrayed the only neurodivergent character on screen as unstable, shunned depressed, and with no importance to the plot feel very ableist and weird , but then they're the ones who made the guy with a foot disability a feet fetishist 🫠

Hi OP, finally answering this because the trailer dropped and still the only Helaena shots we have are from her Jaehaerys' funeral. There is also one still photo of her. If you haven't seen it, here she is, apparently sewing the funeral shroud for her little boy:

So it seems like season 2 is going to continue on this trajectory for Helaena as a character who exists in order to suffer beautifully.

Don't get me wrong. I am glad that the show is going to wring the full emotional effect from Blood and Cheese, not just shock value. The audience will feel the real horror of a six year old child brutally murdered in his own home and the psychological torment of Helaena. It should be terrible, it should be devastating, and I hope they do not pull any punches.

What's disappointing about how the show has handled Helaena is that they didn't really put any effort into building up her character before her tragedy. It's all well and good that she likes bugs and she's touch averse, but what are her opinions? Who is she closest to? How did she react to becoming a mother so young? To what extent does she understand her visions? What does she value? She can be happy and cheerful, or she can be frustrated and angry, and hell, she can be depressed too, but I need to know why. It's telling that I can describe the basic internal motivations for each of the male children, including Luke who was a glorified plot device, but I cannot for Helaena. Aegon wants to feel loved, Jace wants to prove he's as worthy as any trueborn heir, Aemond wants what his brother has, Luke wants to be free from his family's expectations. Helaena? Fuck if I know. I guess she wants not to die horribly.

The ableism is an issue. F&B is full of women who were deemed "simple" -- Gael, Daella, Jaehaera-- without being given much else to define them, and HotD adds another (there's something, I think, to the way the "simple" Targaryens are always women and how disability kind of used as a way to remove them from the narrative and shunt them aside, often tragically). And while it's great to see an autistic person represented on screen, the show consistently has an issue with treating representation as characterization. "Autistic girl who likes bugs" is not a personality. Autistic people, (even those with horrifying prophesies I assume), do have hopes and dreams and feelings about things. The one peek we get into Helaena's life is at the in episode 8 when she roasts Aegon and even that scene is open to interpretation (and gets taken wildly out of context). Now, I can read a lot into the actor performances, but ultimately, lines that could have given a glimpse Helaena personality were cut. It's as if they're afraid that if they give her an opinion on anything she would lose that (frankly kind of infantilizing) "pure cinnamon roll too good for this world" "i would die for her" sympathy from people who are not inclined to be sympathetic for her family as a whole.

(And anon, you're right about Larys. And let me say, turning Larys' clubfoot into the punchline of an OnlyFeet joke also does not inspire confidence that they'll handle Aegon II's eventual disability with any sensitivity either, especially when Mushroom's accounts of his last few months are incredibly mean spirited. We need to start that discourse now so they get the memo).

Sadly, I don't think the show really has any intention of course correcting with Helaena in season 2. I imagine at most we'll have her try to warn Aegon and/or Aemond about Blood & Cheese but they won't understand her warning, and then this will be a vehicle to further their guilt and grief. And while we do need to see Aegon's guilt and his grief, I also want to know if Helaena blames herself, if she wishes they'd run away when they had the chance, if she thinks Aegon could have done something, if she is angry at Aemond for killing Luke, if she wants revenge. I do think, with the public funeral for Jaehaerys, they are going to show that the smallfolk are fond of Helaena, and hopefully that will be expanded upon this season and in season 3 because her death is the catalyst for the revolt that sees Rhaenyra driven from the city, and we should understand why her death has such an impact before she actually dies.

[spacerockfloater]

Hi.

It's so disheartening to see how a big chunk of TG turned on Aemond and Alicent and only support Aegon now. I deeply dislike most of the writing decisions this season, but people seem to forget that these decisions didn't harm only Aegon's character, but also Aemond, Alicent and Criston's, I would say even more than Aegon's. Nevertheless, after the last week episode I've seen a lot of TG hate directed towards Alicent and Aemond that reminded me of TB discourse and it's just sad.

I would love to hear your opinion on this. Thanks in advance.

Hello there friend! Thank you so much for sending me this ask!

Sigh. This is such a complicated issue. As a fellow TG supporter said recently in one of my posts, us turning against the Targtowers and hating them was exactly what Ryan Condal wanted.

They accidentally made them too sympathetic and righteous in the first season, so they had to ruin them to remind the public of whom they are supposed to hate. It’s sickening.

Alicent’s whole journey was about understanding that she needs to be more fierce and demanding to help her family survive. The first season ended with her being ruthless and ready to sacrifice everything for her children. But now she has regressed back to herself from the first half of S1, a scared little girl that doesn’t have the guts to do what must be done and loses all hope the moment the first tragedy comes her way.

Aegon’s whole journey was him overcoming his bullying tendencies and genuinely supporting his brother and his family. He may have initiated the pink dread incident but when his mother told him to cut the bullshit and stop acting like his nephews are his friends, he had no problem knocking Jace to the floor during practice. He stood tall when his brother was disabled and refused to name his mother as the one who spread the rumour(!) of Nyra’s children being bastards. He spoke his truth with his whole chest. Years later, the moment Aemond rose to answer to Lucerys’s mockery, he was right beside him, toasting with him and smashing Luc’s head on the table. And finally, when everyone turned on Aemond for taking his revenge, it was Aegon who demanded Aemond remain in his council, because that was his brother, his best sword and he wanted him there, even if their mother could not bare to look at him. Aegon rose to the occasion and was ready to become a better person, he seemed to genuinely want to serve his subjects. He loved nothing more in the world than his son and his death tore him apart. But suddenly, next episode he has forgotten all about it and is back at bullying Aemond again? That’s just none-sense. All that character development for nothing.

I did feel like Aemond burning his brother alive went from 0 to 100 real quick. He already got his lick back when he made a fool of Aegon in front of his own council. Aemond is a calculating person. He would know that talking Aegon out of the way would cause more harm than good.

Their relationship has been destroyed. Every TG member hates the others. Ultimately, I think we just have to accept this is bad writing and let go of the show because yikes.

However, if we want to discuss show canon, we should keep the characters accountable for their actions and unfortunately, I am displeased with all of them except from Criston. I’ll keep supporting Aegon, Aemond and Alicent but I must also criticise them for the things that they do if I want to be fair.

That being said, I can see why Alicent is horrified by Aemond’s actions. I can see why people think Aemond went too damn far. At the same time, I can see that Aemond would never just sit down and accept being abused. Add to that his not so secret desire to be king, and you can see why he wouldn’t think twice about turning his brother to ashes.

All in all, I think that every opinion is justified and that we must wait for the new episode to air (Aemond’s interactions with Aegon and Alicent are essential) for some additional insight on the incident of Rook’s Rest.

[randomlonelymusician]

Queer manga I'd like to see adapted

So there's definitely a lack of queer anime out there, so I wanted to talk about three that I think would make good anime. (Note: I realized all these are mainly centered around mlm relationships, so... take that as you will!)

Blue Flag

Blue Flag is one of my favorite romance manga that hasn't been adapted into an anime, and I think it seriously deserves one. It's honestly a love triangle, but one of the only series I've seen that actually does a triangle instead of an angle and does it well. It follows Taichi, a high school third year who is growing apart from his childhood best friend, Touma. Things sort of change when Futaba approaches Taichi due to her crush on Touma. The two become closer, and unbeknownst to them, Touma is gay and in love with Taichi. And as a bonus, Futaba's (female) best friend Masumi is in love with her, too!

Blue Flag is ultimately about navigating those confusing feelings of love in that weird transition between childhood and adulthood. While it's not a complicated premise, it's a beautiful, full tale of romance and friendship that would make an incredible anime if adapted fully. This is one I truly hope will get an adaptation someday.

Go For It, Nakamura!

I know this is kind of a weird one to think would fare well as an anime, but with the success of Komi Can't Communicate and anime with similar structure, I think this one would do well! Go For It, Nakamura! follows Nakamura, a shy high school boy who is completely in love with his classmate, Hirose. It's an episodic comedy with many elements that parody BL, all while celebrating other elements of it.

Nakamura is such a lighthearted read, and if it were a bit longer (another volume, maybe?) it would make a great episodic comedy anime. I honestly think it may even open up the BL genre to people who would've never considered it before. (Such as my brother. He would like this one!)

I Hear the Sunspot

Okay, I know this one got a live-action movie adaptation, but when I read it I just kept thinking of how pretty it could be animated. It follows Taichi (I know), a cheerful college student, and Kohei, who struggles with hearing loss. Taichi is able to break through Kohei's shell, and the two of them start this more than friends less than lovers relationship.

Besides the fact that it's a great manga and it's always nice to have more disability representation in anime, I think it would just look so pretty as an anime. I kept imagining a softer color palate with lighter animation, similar to something like Sweet Blue Flowers. I just think it would be so pretty.

Bonus: They should adapt Harukaze no Etranger (continuation of Umibe no Etranger), especially since the best character doesn't get introduced in what was in the movie, and I want to see him.

So that's all I had on the top of my head. Please give any titles that come to mind that would make great anime! (I will use these as recommendations...)

[uwingdispatch]

Wayward Evenings

Notes: Ezra Bridger/Reader, established relationship, gender neutral reader, post-rebellion/post-war, hurt/comfort, chronically ill/disabled reader

CW: alcohol consumption, the aftermath of alcohol consumption, implied sexual intimacy

Ao3 Link

★★★★★★★★

You hadn’t expected to spend your evening holding your husband’s hair back in the refresher. In fact, you’d had other plans. But when Hondo was in town…you’d learned to expect this kind of thing. Perhaps it was your mistake to try and do tonight any other way, but you’re still annoyed that Ezra is just so…Ezra when it comes to the former pirate. 

“You’re lucky you’re pretty,” you tell him. Ezra is leaning against a cabinet on the floor doing his best to stay upright. Despite your irritation, you’re right there with him, smoothing his sweat-slicked hair away from his face. “Every time,” you say. “It’s like you’re incapable of making good decisions around that man.”

“I think you’re onto something there, sunshine,” he says. “But can we talk about it tomorrow? I feel like I’m going to die right now.”

You let out a deep sigh. “Sure,” you say. “If you promise to never drink pirate moonshine again.”

“It was made on Batuu, so technically it’s moons-shine.”

“You know what? I’m just going to leave.”  You have no intention of leaving.

“I’ll never touch that shit again,” he says. “For you, of course.” And then wretches again. 

An hour ago someone at the cantina had called you to come get your idiot husband. They normally would have called Sabine—she was more physically capable of dragging Ezra out of a bar and throwing him into a speeder—but she’s been off planet for the past few weeks and that left you and your droid to come coax Ezra out of the building and get him home. 

“I know you had plans,” he says. “I’m so sorry,”

“Too drunk to stand up,” you say, “before the sun’s even fully set!”

“I guess I was just feeling ambitious.”

“When they called me to come get you they were worried you were going to try and fight a Dowutin. Over an insult to Hondo’s ‘honor.’”

“I would never actually—” 

“If you weren’t who you are you might have gotten arrested.”

“I know.” 

“Ezra, I love you, but I really don’t love this.” 

Even still, you’re rubbing his back, holding him steady. There are people you meet at a certain age and somehow, whenever they’re around, you become that age again. You understand this. It just doesn’t make your current predicament any less frustrating..

C2-B35 rolls in grumbling and hands you fresh towels, which you pass off to Ezra, who seems to be regaining his balance as he stands, the nausea abating.

“I think the worst is over, Cee,” Ezra says.

Ceetoo, being a therapy droid ultimately concerned with your wellbeing, chirps and whirrs—a curse-ridden message for Ezra that you don’t bother acknowledging. Because despite her vitriol, the little astromech has been monitoring his vitals since the two of you picked him up earlier. 

“Get cleaned up,” you say. “Is there anything you need?”

“You’re too good to me,” he says. “But all I need is you.”

In the kitchen, inhaling a bowl of leftover pasta, you remind yourself that this is not a regular occurrence. You hear the shower running and feel a bit of relief knowing you’ve moved on to the part of the evening where Ezra can take care of himself. Which means the vomiting is over. And given how much of that had gone on earlier, you’re pretty sure he meant it when he said he’d swear off Hondo’s moonshine.

When he emerges he’s wearing just a pair of gray lounge pants and a soft red robe—yours—left open. 

Ceetoo is nearby watering her plants and in a series of beeps and whistles she asks if she needs to still be monitoring Ezra. 

“I’m good, Cee,” he says. “I just need to rest. And make up for…all of this.”

He slips his arms around your waist and nuzzles your neck before pressing a soft kiss to your temple. 

“Feeling better?” you ask.

“Eh…mostly.”

“Still a little drunk?”

“A little.”

You take his face in your hand, brushing your thumb over his cheek before tucking a few wayward curls, still wet from the shower, behind his ear. He leans in as if to kiss you and you stop him. “Not before you drink that water,” you say, pointing to a large glass on the kitchen counter. “All of it.”

“And then?”

You shrug.

“You know I’d do anything for you, sunshine,” he says, his voice low, his lips almost touching your ear.

You reply: “I know.”  

***

You’d been dating Ezra for six months when you first met Hondo. Ezra had described the old Weequay as “kind of like an uncle, but not the kind of uncle you call in an emergency…unless it’s like a real emergency, he’ll show up for that.”

And after a night out with Ezra’s “uncle” you wondered if you really knew who you were dating. It wasn’t that the liquor had changed his personality, or even that Hondo had. You just hadn’t seen this side of him before.

“I think I overdid it,” he said.

“You did.”

“I should have warned you.”

“Ezra,” you said. “I don’t know if there’s any way to warn someone that one of your dearest friends is the kind of person who thinks axe-throwing while drunk is a good idea.” 

You were walking a rather tipsy Ezra home after what you had thought would be a casual dinner with a quirky family friend. But that was not how time with Hondo would ever go. You’d threatened to leave over the whole axe-throwing throwing thing, but stayed a while when Ezra reluctantly backed down from the challenge.

“I forget that Ezra Bridger cannot hold his liquor,” Hondo had said. “I would do anything for this boy, but he would have made a terrible pirate.” 

Ezra looped his arm around your waist and sighed. “With Hondo,” Ezra said, “sometimes it feels like I can go back in time. Like…”

“Like all the time you lost while you were away didn’t happen?”

“You get it,” he said. “Of course you get it.”

“I don’t know if I get it, but I think I know what you’re saying.”

Ezra never got to go through a wild phase—not the way most people did as young adults. Hondo, however, seemed to make space for the chaotic teenager in anyone. Which maybe under other circumstances might have been fine, but Ezra’s limit was usually a pint or two of ale. Tonight there had been Correllian wine. And then shots of something that smelled like explosives.

Just outside of his house now, Ezra mumbled, “I would have been a great pirate.” 

You swiped his key card to open the front door and, as soon as he could get to it, he flopped into his bed. 

You sighed, watching Ezra struggle to take off his socks. “I’m sure you would have been legendary.”

“Legendary!” he repeated.

You got ready for bed, using the items of yours that had started to collect in the refresher. Some you’d left at Ezra’s place over the last few months. Others Ezra had bought for you, wanting you to feel welcome and at home with him. He called your name, and you went to the kitchen to get him a glass of water, knowing he’d be feeling this in the morning if he didn’t at least try to hydrate.

“Come here,” he said. “Let me hold you.”

When you joined him in bed, he pulled you toward him, undressed now, his skin warm against yours. “I don’t usually drink like this,” he said.

“Yeah, I don’t think I’ve seen you this intoxicated before.”

“That’s on purpose,” he said. “I can’t believe I let myself…you know what? It doesn’t matter. It’s fine. I’m fine.”

“Drink the water,” you told him.

“I will,” he said. “Hey. Hey…can you look at me?”

You tuck his hair behind his ear, let your fingers trail down his neck and along his jawline. “I’ve been looking at you this whole time.”

“I’m just so glad you came out with me tonight. I know Hondo is a lot, but he’s family.”

“He’s probably not too fond of me.”

“Are you kidding? He loved you.”

“Really?”

“How could he not, sunshine?” he said. And after a pause, “Do you know how important you are to me? How much I love you?”

It was the first time either of you had said these words to the other. And you hadn’t expected to hear them as a drunken confession. “Ezra, I—”

“You don’t have to say anything.”

“It’s okay. Just…tell me again when you’re sober.”

“I will.”

He pulled you close and you rested your head on his chest, breathing deeply. He smelled of sweat and alcohol, of course. But also of him. Of a man you’d very much fallen in love with. Sometimes you thought you’d fallen in love with him the day you’d met. But you’d held those words back, wondering sometimes whether Ezra Bridger was the type to settle down. 

But now, there was something about the way he stroked your hair as he started to doze off. And when he said “I’ll tell you I love you every day for as long as you’ll have me,” tipsy or not, you believed him.

***

You’re in the kitchen brewing a fresh pot of caf when you hear Ezra stumbling down the hallway, followed by the loth-cats that had been sleeping at his feet.

“You’re never up this early,” he says.

His hair is wild, and he’s wearing a robe—his this time—and not much else. You don’t need to tell him he’s a mess. He knows. And he knows how he got here.

“There’s no Jedi trick for hangovers,” you say. “Or at least that’s what you’ve lead me to believe.”

You put a plate of eggs and two headache tablets on the table and he sits, a look of defeat in his big blue eyes.

“I’d been hoping to make you breakfast today,” he says. “I really kriffed things up last night.”

Ceetoo comes in the front door carrying a shopping bag, looks straight at Ezra and starts grumbling in binary.  

“I know,” he says. “I’m profoundly aware of this. Can you please lower your volume?”

You bring two cups of caf to the table and sit beside Ezra. A man who’s stayed up with you through countless nights when your chronic pain was at its worst. Who makes a point of bringing you your favorite tea anytime you have a particularly bad migraine. A man who, when you’d first met, lived on the opposite side of town—but when he found out how difficult your anxiety could get, he started making that long drive to you any time you were struggling and he thought he could help.

He did kriff up last night. But you can’t find it in yourself to hold it against him. “It was a rough night,” you say. “But it’s behind us.” 

Sipping his caf he says, “Thank you, love.” 

“You would do the same for me.”

“I don’t mean the breakfast. I mean, I do. But you deserve better than a grown man who can’t get his shit together for one night so you can go out with your friends.”

There’s something sheepish about him as he takes your hand, and you see the “boy” Hondo always refers to when he talks about Ezra, despite his being in his forties. 

“You have your shit remarkably together ninety-nine percent of the time, Ezra,” you say. “I can make new plans. And you were sick enough yesterday that I think that might be punishment enough.”

Ceetoo grumbles as she brings you a plate of sliced fruit. She’d happily gone to the store for you but had been less than enthusiastic about it when you told her the fruit was for Ezra—she could hold a grudge as well as any organic. But you reminded her of how many times he’d been there for the two of you, and that if you could forgive him for one ruined night, she could, too. 

As she’s leaving the kitchen she beeps and whistles: try not to barf.

Ezra laughs. “I’m so glad she doesn’t actually hate me,” he says. “Though sometimes I wonder.”

You sit in silence for a while, listening to the wind blowing a tree branch into the window outside, the birds singing in the garden. And you remember planting that garden with Ezra when you first moved into this house, how you reminded him again that you probably wouldn’t be able to help much with maintaining the garden because of your chronic pain. And he’d taken your hands and told you that he didn’t expect anything of you other than that you being in his life. That just you being here, making a home together—that was enough. He’d wiped the tears from your cheeks when you began to cry, your heart so full it was spilling over.

“How are you feeling?” you ask.

“Better now that I’ve eaten, actually.”  

He gives your hand a squeeze before you get up to feed the two tooka cats who have gathered under the table, nipping at your feet. One you’d had when you met Ezra—the other was a three-legged stray Ezra had found living in an alley behind his work, far too friendly to be a street cat. You nearly trip over the little guy as you turn to put the kibble away, only to be steadied by Ezra—you hadn’t even realized he’d gotten up from the table.

“Hey,” he says. “I’ve got you.”

“I was fine,” you insist.

He smiles. “Sure.”

His grin is infectious, and soon you have your arms around his neck, unable to stifle the smile on your own face. He ghosts his fingers along your cheek, his thumb swiping over your bottom lip for a moment before leaning in to kiss you, slow and lingering.

“You can make me dinner tonight,” you tell him. 

“And in the meantime?”

You can’t imagine he’s recovered that quickly. But Ezra is always full of surprises. So when he leads you back to the bedroom you follow. He discards your clothing in the hall, piece by piece as you stumble over each other, a feeling of lightness filling you as he kisses your forehead, your nose, your neck before you tumble into bed. And when you find yourself beneath the sheets with Ezra, you’re thinking about how seamlessly he fit into your life, from the very beginning. And now, how perfectly your bodies fit together, his deft hands finding exactly where and how you love to be touched. 

He whispers in your ear: “Let me make this up to you.”  

And you melt into him, your fingers lacing into his hair as he kisses you deeper, a spark of electricity running through you as if it were the first time he’d ever kissed you. 

“You still owe me dinner,” you tell him.

“I’ll give you anything,” he says, pressing a kiss to your clavicle. “Anything you want,” he says, “it’s yours.”

And, if only because he’d never once given you a reason not to, you believe him. 

★★★★★★★★

Thank you so much for reading! Once again I am here to be a gremlin about Ezra Bridger somehow growing up to be Blorbo. I hope this fic made you feel seen and loved.

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