#because I want to be not depressed but why haven't they found the one medicine that just works

[pinolitas]

do people really sit through the process of experiencing new prescriptions and it's side effects several times until they find one that works? cus I give up so fast if the first one doesn't work I'm done

[foressfaction]

:Ticci Toby:{A Rewrite}

WARNING:: This story contains EXTREMELY triggering topics such as Domestic/Child/Substance abuse, Death, harsh language, GORE and dissociation triggers.

This story mentions mental illnesses and disorders such as Depression, PTSD, ADHD, and Tourette's Syndrome.

!!TICS MAY BE TRIGGERING!!

Prologue

So it begins. The boy tugged on the skirt of a middle aged woman. She was his mom. Her hair was short, cut into a nice layered bob, though it had grown over time, it at one point was a pixie cut. She had diamond shaped ruby earrings on, in an attempt to look formal. Her name, it rolled off the tongue very smoothly, Connie Rogers.

"Why are there so many old people here?" The brunette boy asked. Connie's son, who's name also seemed pretty vague. Tobias Rogers.

The woman was quick to correct him, shushing him loudly while murmuring under her breath with a hint of embarrassment on her face. "Toby! Haha, I'm so sorry about him," she yearned off the stares she got from her son's odd choice of a question. And a rather rude one too. Toby had always been quite the weird kid. He said what was on his mind, whatever it was, and when he wanted to say it. Maybe the question would've been better at a funeral, or a grandma's birthday party. Do grandma's have birthday parties? Toby wouldn't know honestly. He never did meet his mom's mom. That's a funny way to put it.

The two were currently at a 'meet the teacher' day. Y'know, the day about a week before the first day of school. For Toby, he will be starting the 6th grade. To him, school has always been a joke. He barely passed 5th grade and was one point away from having to be stuck doing summer school. He had never been a people person either, especially with other kids his age.

"Are any of these people actually going to be important?" Toby asked, earning a glance from his mom. Her dark circles are more visible than ever.

"I'm sure they will be, look, that's your principal, you should probably go say hi, or....something. I have a lot of paperwork to fill out. Go have a look around, stretch your legs, we've been walking all day."

Toby made a spitting noise as if he thought that was one of the most boring things she could've said. He bared his braced teeth. Meet his principal? He didn't realize going to a different school would be so tiring. Toby eventually left her side, wandering out into the empty halls. Oh so that's why there was a big sign on the door that read 'staff only.' Not like that mattered to him, no one saw, no one had to know. Despite it being a day for his entire grade to be here, it was almost like the halls were abandoned. His mind was always a little trickster, it would make him believe something when that 'something' isn't in existence. Toby took some steps forward, then found himself walking further away from the chattering of the people from the room he was just in. His entire body felt cold, chills running up and down his broken nerves.

It was kind of eerie, not gonna lie. The only thing Toby could hear was the pitter patter on his own shoes, the same old shoes he's had for years. Honestly surprised the souls haven't torn off yet. The boy found himself turning multiple corners and met with endless hallways of lockers. He's never seen a locker before. There were thousands of them, atleast, that's what his mind was showing him. 'Did I take my medicine?' was the first thing he thought to himself as he continued down these narrow halls. He was over thinking the reason why his mom shooed him away, probably because he was a distraction, or knew he needed one. As uncanny as this felt, Toby found himself quite occupied. He had started counting the lockers, every one of them, and remembered the exact number of lockers on the 8th hallway.

That's suddenly when he saw that one part of the hallway's lights were off. It was right smack in the middle of the hallway, so why did those lights not work? Toby grew curious so he started to inch towards the area. That's when he noticed they weren't just off, but flickering a little.

He knew this feeling a little too well. That feeling of being watched, judged. He couldn't quite put his finger on it. He felt the air grow thick around him, as if gross, slimy water had just been poured onto him, soaking him to the heavy weight of being drenched. This of course actually didn't happen, but it felt like it did.

Toby turned around quickly, hearing something behind him, then again in front of him. He thought he was going to give himself whiplash from all of the darting of his head. Nothing was there though, nothing of sight, atleast. When Toby looked back to the hallway where the lights were supposedly off, he noticed they were working now. This caught him a little off guard, but as he looked closer, he could see that even further down than before, lights were off.

It was leading him further down the hallway?

Toby shook his head. "No that's not real." He whispered. "That's not r-real," he once again whispered with a little more voice. He felt that if the longer he looked, the more that feeling of tightness would increase.

Toby turned his back to the suffering lights, inching his way back to the room he was in not too long ago, with his mom. He turned the corner, only to nearly run into the frantic woman. "There you are, goodness, I thought you left this building." She spoke in a rather worried tone, taking his hand into hers, her rings were cold against his fingers. "You're really warm, are you okay? Are you sweating?"

Toby looked at her quickly, confusion sweeping him. "Am i?" He asked out while taking his free arm and wiping his forehead. Behold, bits of what felt like condensation rubbed off his skin. "Well we can forget meeting your teachers, I have your schedule here. I don't want you overheating again in all those layers, you know you can't feel temperatures to an extreme, you know this." She slightly scolded. Toby was just confused. He didn't feel too hot, he didn't know he was sweating. He does struggle with a certain disorder where he could technically place his hand on a lit stove and not feel a thing, despite his flesh melting off and severely damaging his hand. If anything it would just feel warm.

It was sad to be reminded he wasn't like the other normal kids in his grade, and certainly wasn't looking forward to another year of the constant reminders either. "I will be more aware next time." He stated, tone sounding a bit degraded.

It wasn't long before the two brunettes were on their way home. Toby was gazing out of the window, sitting in the backseat with his legs pulled up into a hug. The ride was silent, but his mom had never been too talkative after the last few months. Things weren't too good at home. Though he was going to go to a different school, they still lived in this dump of a house. Denver was a nice city, but in winters it was hard to stay warm, and in summers it was hard to stay cool. The house overall just about had it.

And the family knew that.

Toby finally broke the silence as the car hit a few road bumps. "There's exactly 286 lockers in the school." There was a moment of silence, but when he expected an answer there was nothing. "Mom?" He called out, not moving from his position but did lean his head over to try to peek into the rear view mirror that hung on the roof of the car.

He could see makeup running down her face, hands clenched onto the steering wheel tightly. If he listened closely, he could hear sniffling.

Toby knew better than to barge into questions but this time he knew the answer. He would have the same reason to cry, but lately he hadn't been able to feel much emotion at all. He, again, only saw life as a joke, nothing was real, no matter how hard he pushed away the reality. A 20 minute drive full of sniffles and awkward silence finally ended as the brown Subaru pulled into the cracked driveway to an old two story house.

The thing looked as if it was gonna fall in at any given moment. On the inside it was pretty big, still had carpet though it was old and stained, very stained.

A couple of whistles left Toby, followed by a few uncomfortable popping sounds from his neck. He had something called Tourette's Syndrome which caused the boy to jerk and tic uncontrollably. It was very uncomfortable for both him and those having to witness it. If he wasn't careful, he could accidentally hit someone, or himself. Which he does occasionally. Toby stepped out of the car to see the man standing on the porch, cigarette in hand. Seemed like he didn't see them pull into the driveway. Toby knew he did.

Toby noticed his mom left the folder of his school rules and other stuff in the car on the dashboard. He opened the door to reach in and grab it, his hand slipping with a slight tic, accidentally honking the horn, making the woman jump.

"Fuck- sorry, fuck! Sorry!" The boy jumped to coo out as he held the folder up. "Got it-"

Toby quickly closed the door to head inside, hearing the man spur something up. "Fuckin' boy." He muttered in a southern accent.

Toby paid no mind as it was something he was used to, rushing into the house and sitting the folder onto the counter, opening it and looking at all the papers. "Oh there were 287 lockers..I was off by one." He had his finger on where it stated the fact. He didn't understand why he was so fixated on the locker count. Gave him a distraction probably.

Toby moved the papers just enough to peer at his schedule, something he didn't have at his old school. "Wait mom? Why did you sign me up for public classes?"

The folder was snagged away from his hands, probably giving him a paper cut. "Stop complainin' and suck it up, it's about time you learn with other kids." The man scolded. Toby could see the vein popping from his forehead. The same shaggy blond buzz cut blanketed the man's head. His dad; he carried a name that would make anyone grimace just hearing it, Jacob Rogers. "Dad!" Toby tried to take the folder back but that only earned him a smack on the hand with the rather hard plastic outsides of the yellow folder.

Toby glared slightly as he took a deep breath.

The brunette woman strolled in, setting her bag down on the small island counter as she rubbed the bridge of her nose. "Look, Toby, I tried to suggest special education, but they said that it was time for you to get to know your grade better, plus wouldn't it be great to hang around people who...Actually respond when you talk to them?" She spoke out, slightly raising her voice.

"But they were nice to me," Toby added, narrowing his eyebrows, taking glances at the folder in his dad's hands. "Can i atleast see it closer? Again?" He eyed the man after asking.

"Your sister takes public classes, so can you. It's time we stop babying you, you're 13 years old for fucks sake. Act like it."

"Jacob!" Connie shouted with an offended tone. She knew the man was an asshole but she usually tried to defend her kid's opinions. Their marriage hadn't been the best lately, especially after her husband started to waste their money and abuse alcoholic substances. Speaking of which, the blonde man held a dark green bottle in his hand that wasn't clinging to Toby's school information.

The second Toby noticed that his mom saw the bottle, he knew they were about to bicker.

He just didn't want to be in the middle of that, excusing himself from where he took a seat.

Toby disappeared upstairs to one of the rooms he called his own. It wasn't much, just a carpeted floor, a dark blue rug with matching bed sheets. Completely unintentional. His shelves consisted of vintage toys he never touched, books, a lamp, and other nick nacks. He only ever kept one thing out, a stuffed cow. Why? He honestly grew an attachment to it. The poor thing was ripped up in many places, had patches on the stomach and left side of the head. It looked derpy as hell but he loved it to death.

Sometimes though when he holds it, he can't help but remember the time he 'played tug-o-war' with his dad who eventually ripped the head completely off while trying to take it from him. His only reason was because 'he was too old.' No one is too old for a comfort item.

Toby crawled onto the bed and took the cow plush into his hands and stared down at it. He gently gnawed at the inside of his cheek, a habit he developed a while ago. "Today isn't the best day, Mr. Cowbells, will you make it better? At least until Lyra gets home.." He hugged the stuffie to his chest and stared down at his sheets. It wasn't long before what he assumed would happen started up. He heard their loud voices downstairs. He knew it wasn't going to be too long until he heard thrashes and door slams.

It was like this all day, everyday.

All day, everyday.

••••••I

[sabo-has-my-heart]

I have been following you for a long time, actually, you are the first person I followed here and I saw that you have emergency requests. I was wondering if you had time to write one for me. So here's the story, the last few years have been more than a mess for me. I've been pretty methodically screwed for the past 4 years. Because things in my country are very complicated and very rough… I haven't had a single normal school year since the year I was in elementary school. First, it was Corona for a year and a half, then there were a lot of missiles, then there was the whole issue of laws and trials and now there is a war… Of course, in the background, there is a hurricane of political problems and next year the war will probably continue plus there will be many problems with the teacher's strikes… and all this is simply אoo much for me, I'm only in high school… I assume that you probably already know what country I'm from… but please let's put all the politicians aside, please… the things you write helped me get through all of this. So if you can, can you write to me about a reader (female) from One Piece or Demon Slayer who went through a very difficult time and all she wants is a few moments of quiet. Just a month or a year or week without fighting or weird things. just a normal life iven if it only for a littel bit. with a happy ending. Sorry for all the truma damping and thank you very much.

(I hope all this is understandable, English is not my first language and I wrote it in Google Translate)

Hi there! I'm the first person you followed? That... that makes me want to do a happy wiggle, I'm going to go do a quick happy wiggle.......... okay, I'm back from my happy wiggle. Things sound very rough over there, but I actually don't know where you're from. I don't watch or keep up with the news. I know there's the stuff with Palestine, Ukraine, and Trump was found guilty, but that's it. Before any of you get mad at me for not keeping up with the world, please know that I do this for my own well being. If I kept up with the news, it would shoot my anxiety and depression through the roof and I just really don't need that. As much as I care about human life and others, I need to focus on my own health and well-being too. I'm happy that my writing has been helping you get through it all, it's always flattering to know that my writing has helped someone and don't worry about trauma dumping, if it helps, I'm always happy to lend an ear. So this is an Ace fic, so I hope you enjoy it and I hope it makes you feel better. My best wishes on getting through this!

Word Count: 1170

Warnings: Female!Reader, comfort

     Why had things been so chaotic lately? It seemed as if every time you turned around there was some new thing going on, some new problem or some new drama. It might be fine if it were just one thing, if it was just Thatch chasing Ace through the halls for raiding the fridge or just a few attacks or storms hitting the Moby Dick. Who in their right mind attacked the strongest man alive anyway? But it wasn’t just one or two things. Yesterday it had been Marco roping you into helping him get the crew into their yearly physicals. Last week had seen a severe storm that had threatened even the Moby Dick, calling for all hands on deck. The week before that was an attack by an entire fleet of marines. Before that there had been multiple attacks on islands under Whitebeard’s protection. Okay, sure, you weren’t the only one taking care of things. The different commanders all split up, 5 of them taking their respective divisions to check out the islands, with you joining the second division as a temporary ‘doctor’ in case anyone was injured. During the storm, you’d been mostly taking care of things below deck with the other Whitebeard nurses, making sure cabinets were securely tied shut, glass bottles of medicine safely packed away, and anything on wheels kept from rolling everywhere. That wasn’t the point, however. The point was that you were tired of something new and stressful always cropping up!

     Honestly, was it really so much to ask for some peace and quiet? A moment of respite where you could just relax without worrying about the next thing. Okay, sure, you’d had a few days here and there where things hadn’t gone wrong. Nothing bad had happened and life aboard the Moby Dick was quiet, or at least, as quiet as things got on a ship with 1,600 males. However, with how things had been lately, you hadn’t been able to relax once. Always on edge, always expecting the next thing to crop up. How long had it been since things had been quiet on the Moby Dick? How long since you’d had a true moment of rest? Hell, you hadn’t even had time to simply relax with Ace. Just the two of you, laying on the deck, napping under the warm sun; or curled up under a warm blanket, forgotten mugs of hot cocoa having long since gone cold as you slept, leaning against each other. Okay, yes, the two of you were often caught simply napping together, but was that really such a bad thing? It meant things were calm, that you could afford to relax enough to take a nap, that you could sleep. Sleep had been… difficult lately. Tossing and turning as the anxiety of what would happen next ate away at you, waking up in the middle of the night at very little bump and thunk, expecting the worst. Ace had been trying to help as best as he could. Wrapping you up in your favorite blanket, heating himself and the blanket up to the perfect, soothing temperature, lightly humming songs that he didn’t even remember learning, though he’d deny humming if you ever asked about it. Thatch had made you mugs of tea or cocoa, Marco had given you sleeping pills, but none of it helped enough.

     Looking out over the railing, you sighed. There weren’t storm clouds on the horizon, no marine ships for miles, and nobody causing any particular chaos, but you still felt on edge. Feeling a hand on your shoulder nearly made you jump out of your skin, spinning around to find a familiar freckled face smiling at you.

     “Calm down, it’s just me. I came to check on you, you’ve been staring out at the ocean for a while now.” Ace said, standing next to you, leaning with his back against the railing.

     “Oh… Sorry. I guess I’m just on edge is all. There’s… been a lot happening lately and I just can’t seem to relax.” you admitted, sighing as you let your shoulders sag, the tension ebbing away for the moment. Ace nodded in understanding, looking up at the sky.

     “Yeah. It’s been pretty busy lately. I can’t remember the last time we took a nap together. But I mean, it’s nothing we haven’t dealt with before. We kind of signed up for this when we became pirates. Or… well, when you became one of Pops’ nurses. Besides, it’ll be fine, we’ll manage. As long as we’re both alive and together, we’ve got this.” Ace smiled at you as he tried to comfort you, putting a hand on your shoulder.

     “I… I know, I just… I guess I just… I wish it would stop, you know? I don’t need much, just a month, hell I’d settle for a week, of peace and quiet. No attacks, no storms, no running from an angry Thatch, or Pops telling me I can’t fight off marines because I’m ‘not a Whitebeard Pirate’... stupid no women rule. He has nurses, why can’t I be an official Whitebeard pirate?!” you grumbled, resting your arms on the railing and resting your head on your arms.

     “Hey, it’s alright. It’s not all that cool being a Whitebeard pirate anyway. You always have a huge target on your back and you have to listen to Marco whenever he tells you to do something, it’s probably way better that you’re not." Okay, he didn’t actually believe that. He loved being a Whitebeard pirate, but he was trying to make you feel better. “If it makes you feel better, I can take you on a vacation or something. We’ll talk to Pops and we can find a nice, peaceful little island where all we do is nap, eat, and mess around.” you smiled at Ace’s proposition, thinking about it for a moment. It would be nice after everything that had happened. A little vacation on a warm, peaceful island. Somewhere small enough that a marine presence wouldn’t be necessary, lots of trees to nap under, a warm beach with soothing waves, staring up at the stars as you drifted off to a good night's sleep.

     “Yeah… that sounds nice. Once we get the chance, we should talk to the captain.” you said softly, feeling yourself relax ever so slightly, not noticing the huge grin on Ace’s face.

     “No need! Marco’s been harassing me about taking some time off after what happened at Marineford and no one will mind if you’re gone for a little while. Pops has plenty of other nurses. We’ll pack some shit and tell Marco that I’m finally taking that time off. Let’s go!” Ace pushed himself off the railing, holding a hand out to you, making you smile.

     “Yeah, let’s go.” you took the young man’s hand, letting him pull you down the halls of the Moby Dick to pack some things. A little time off, that’s all you needed, all you both needed.

[weakheavens]

Dawn Of The Clans

- The Sun Trail

I'm going to be discussing my thoughts of the first book of DOTC here.

First things first, I had been reading Power Of Three before I started this saga and so far I found it very much boring, the cats are fighting over useless things, other than that not much has happened (haven't read the last two books of POT) so starting DOTC was a nice and refreshing change in the story line and I had been looking foward to reading about how the clans came to be.

Summary-

The cats from the Tribe of Rushing Water are having a hard winter due to the large amount of cats in the tribe and the little prey, many of them are dying until Stoneteller gets a prophetic dream of a sunny place where prey never runs out.

She tells the tribe, some want to go on the journey, others hate the idea. In the end those who want to go on the journey to the place where the sun rises may go and those who doesn't may stay.

Gray Wing's brother, Clear Sky, wants to go but he doesn't. After Gray Wing's younger brother runs away hoping to catch up with the Sun Trail cats Gray Wing makes the decision to look for him and bring him to safety in the new territory.

Cats die during the journey and Clear Sky's partner is carried away by an eagle, making him depressed.

The cat who was leading the travelling cats also passes away and Tall Shadow is asked to be the new cat to lead them.

They finally reach the new territory and set to live in the moor, exploring the place they find other cats living there, mostly hostile. Clear Sky decides he wants to leave to the forest as he likes it better there, some cats agree with him, Gray Wing is once again separated from his brother as he stays with some others in the moor.

A cat named Storm is expecting Clear Sky's kits but after seeing how hostile and manipulative he has become she leaves 'his' territory. Next time we see her she passes away and only one of her kits survives, Thunder. Clear Sky disowns him as he reminds him of Storm and Bright Stream (her other partner who died on the journey) but then Gray Wing decides to parent Thunder in the moor with the other cats.

Also forgot to mention but Clear Sky becomes really hostile towards any cat who crosses into the forest because apparently it's now his and if there's any cat in his base who doesn't follow his orders or can't cooperate exactly like he wants them to he exiles them.

Opinions-

Gray Wing- I personally really really liked him at first, I like how he thought for himself insead of doing what others told him to and how the reason he left the mountains was to make sure his little brother was ok. He was kind to the cats of the tribe and always made sure others were safe, as well as he never really got extremely angry with anyone, Clear Sky would be reminding his younger brother of how stupid his actions had been but Gray Wing just accepts that the past cannot be changed.

Once they get to the new territory he is kind to the stray cats there even if they try to be hostile towards him and tries to learn about them. What I didn't like is the way he completely ignores Turtle Tail and dismisses her feelings, every time he tries to make things alright he just makes them worse? But anyway, I just hope he isn't ruined in the next books.

Clear Sky- During the first chapters I didn't understand why everyone hated him so much... now I do. I didn't dislike him at first, sure he wasn't the best and kinda made Bright Stream join the Sun Trail thought she didn't seem to like the idea much but he was alright.

After him and Gray Wing talk and become close once again I liked him but after he leaves to the forest and begins to call the territory his... gosh.

He gets a bunch of cats to fight if anyone sets foot in the forest and kill them if needed, he doesn't let some cats leave the camp and doesn't let the cats from the moor come to visit their own family, they drive them out and call them prey stealers. Then when Jagged Peak gets hurt he claims the "medicine" cat from the moor and doesn't let him out of camp until his job is done. Once he sees Jagged Peak is "just taking space" he exiles him, he was his brother.

Not to mention how badly he treated Storm and how he didn't care she had left when she was so close to giving birth.

Also he nearly makes his guards kill his brother and when he kills one of them in self defense Clear Sky gets mad??

My overall opinion on the book is that I liked it, I like how the cats are described, Tall Shadow as being quiet but speaking smart things when she has to, Wind and Gorse are so cool and I love when they befriend the Sun Trail cats. I really liked them relationship between the travelling cats and what happens to them, I think it was a nice break from POT as I was getting a bit bored from it so yeah!

I hope Gray Wing doesn't become more annoying on the next books aoqidbqlidjdq

[that-one-weeb-buts-its-the-main]

Heyy, can I request a hc for arcane Viktor as a dad of a little boy? Feel free to do whatever u want, all I want is for to be soft cuz I'm depressed and want to feel loved lol ( if needed the reader is female) thx

Have a good day 💕💕💕

this-

MY HEART

Viktor being a dad + Drabbles

reader: not really mentioned, more in the background in this one, but the mother aka you are present.

Here's the dump ◇◇ Arcane Masterlist

doin his best

Named Alto

he's really trying

like, he knows he can't run with his baby boy, so he always has his little guy in his home lab with him, they do small harmless projects, like building a boat

"But Dad, I don't like science"

what- what is he supposed to do now? That's all this man knows

"What do you like then?" "Mhmm OOO I WANNA BE A FLORIST! OOO OR A SHEPHERD!"

Won't call his sons ideas too girly,

he will stay up for hours on end with bio alchemy/bio books just so he can impress his little man

Turns out the little man found his calling in art and herbal medicines rather than a shepherded or big scientist

He still likes flowers though

Viktor is so proud of his little guy, especially in school; and when he comes home with an A-plus all excited to show his dad it just Melt's Viktor's heart

Elementary? A breeze. Middle School? A breeze. Highschool? straight to hell

Rebellious kid,

Arguing a lot with Viktor

Here's guess what? A drabble:

"I'm almost seventeen now! I know what I'm doing!" Alto shouted at Viktor.

"Then you should know better! Hanging out with smokers and drinkers!" Viktor argued, "You're smarter than this!"

"I'm. I'm not hanging out with smokers!" Alto argued, "Or alcoholics!"

"Then what? You just come home smelling like smoke and cheap alcohol just because?!" Viktor defended.

"Why, Why won't you just believe me?"

"Because, you've broken my trust, skipping school? Sneaking out?" Viktor spoke, "What are you going to do next? End up in a ditch dead in the underground because you thought you knew better?"

"You don't think you've broken my trust!? I'm supposed to be able to tell you things but you just yell at me!" Alto argued, "So how do you think I'd react when you yell at me because I'm telling the truth!? You want me to just spill all my dreams and secrets to you!?"

"Then tell me, what reasons are you coming home smelling like alcohol and smoke, what reason do you have for sneaking out and skipping school? Tell me the truth and I'll apologize," Viktor demanded.

He got no answer in return, Viktor sighing, "You're grounded."

"Whatever..."

Super scared he fucked up his and his son's relationship forever

He had to be hard on him, at least a bit right?

After about two days to collect thoughts on both sides he decided he needed to sit and talk with Alto

Was going to wake him up for breakfast

ANOTHER DRABBLE YAH:

Viktor knocked on Alto's door soft, opening it;

"Alto your mother-"

"Dad! No!-"

It was too late, Viktor had already walked in, Alto's hair messing; meaning he had just woken up at the sound of the knock, and the male that laid next to him with the same messy hair. For a moment all stuck like deer in headlights.

"fuck," Alto cursed, "Dad! Get out now!"

Alto quickly sat up, pulling his sweats on under the blanket, "DAD! GET THE FUCK OUT-"

Alto quickly closed the door,.

Viktor was both confused and engaged, mostly because he had no idea who the FUCK was in his house

Awkward Breakfast tension

Alto actually came out of his room, quickly grabbing fruit, and rushing back into his room before his dad could comment

"Y/n," Yes dear?" "Did...Did you know Alto was..." "Gay? Yes, dear." "And you didn't tell me?" "No dear it's not my place, but I'm surprised you haven't noticed before when shopping" "What happens when we're shopping?" "He's always looking at that pin that says " I'm scared to tell my dad I'm gay pin" while shopping dear " "Does it really say that?" "No, but take the hint dear."

Alto tries to avoid conversing with his dad and does for about a week

but he can't keep it up forever and at dinner, the topic is brought up.

"Dad I don't want to talk about it." "Well, why not?" "I don't feel like being mentally abused right now that's why"

WELL OUCH

Viktor's not mentally abusive and he knows that, but still ouch

Viktor tried to talk to him about it late and at night, with their favorite drink when Alto was a kid.

ANOTHER DRABBLE YYYYYYYAAAYYYY:

There was a loud knock, Alto turning his head, "No dad. I don't want to talk to you."

The door opened a sliver, a cup of hot cocoa being placed on the shelves next to the door, the only thing seen is Viktor's arm and hand placing the cup and then quickly pulling it away, the door closing again.

Tossing the book of herbal medicines on the bed, he walked over, with a sigh he picked up the cup.

"Look, I." Viktor started, "I'm sorry if you'd just told me- I- that isn't helping..."

Alto listened, "Why were you afraid to tell me? If, if you'd answer."

Alto leaned against the door, "I. I thought I'd disappoint you....I'm already not a scientist..."

Viktor laughed slightly, "You think I care that you're not a scientist? I remember when you were little you wanted to be a florist and a shepherd. You were proud in herding Poro around the lab and the halls when you came to work with me."

Alto chuckled softly, "Yeah...I remember that..." a small smile falling onto his lips.

"I didn't care that you weren't me, please don't be me- god could you imagine?"

Alto laughed a bit louder, mug warming up his hands.

"The point is; you were happy, and that made me happy, it made me proud; that you were following what you wanted, not what others wanted." Viktor spoke, "And I'm sorry if I ever made you feel I was pushing what I do on you, and that I made you afraid to tell me the truth, I'm sorry I was a bad dad-"

The door opened abruptly, Viktor almost knocked off his feet as he was hugged tightly.

"You're not a bad dad! I'm a bad son!" Alto cried into his father's chest, "I'm sorry! I should have just told you! And then we wouldn't have argued!"

"It's okay, it's okay." Viktor tried to calm him down, rubbing the back of Alto's head in attempting to soothe him, "shhh you're okay."

Alto hugged him tighter, his head buried into his father's warm grasp.

"I love you dad."

"I love you too"

[songmingisthighs]

Hooked

introduction pt. i | pt. ii | pt. iii

ch. lxii - curiosity killed the cat

<< previous | masterlist | next >>

??? × reader, ateez × reader

A freshman hookup rekindled into something new. With an incentive, of course. But what would happen if your 'relationship' led you somewhere you never thought would happen to you ?

The three remaining boys, Hongjoong, Seonghwa, and Yunho rushed downstairs to see what the commotion was all about. Though they were nervous, they were also curious and they were not going to be the only ones left behind with the information.

But when they stepped onto the living area, they were confused at the sight upon them.

San and Wooyoung were nowhere to be found, Yeosang had a look of utter surprise which was a rare sight, a teary Jongho was standing next to Mingi who was fully crying, and in front of them was a person clad in a black hoodie and a pair of black sweats. The person's back was to the three so they didn't know who it was.

"What's wrong? What happened?" Hongjoong asked with all the strength he could muster. The others who stood in front of the person clad in black could only look at the leader but weren't able to utter a single word.

Slowly, the unknown person turned their body towards the three. All eyes widened and their breaths hitched, the sight before them was just too confusing to comprehend.

"What are you doing here?" Hongjoong asked.

"And who are you?" Yunho added.

The person took his hood off to reveal a man around their age, charming with a glint of playfulness as he smirked at them.

But before he could introduce himself, Mingi had beaten him to the punch, "this is (Y/N)'s cousin who also studied here," he said. The man nodded and grin widely, "Howdy, I'm Haknyeon," he then stuck his hand out for any of the three to shake, "Joo Haknyeon, pleased to meet your acquaintance,"

Before either one of the three could shake his hand, however, Mingi lunged forward to try and grab at Haknyeon's sweater. Luckily, Yeosang and Jongho managed to hold the larger guy back.

"Skip the pleasantries, Haknyeon, and tell them what you told us" he growled. Haknyeon only raised an eyebrow and smirked in amusement, "wow, (Y/N) was right when she said you're a ticking time bomb. No one is ever THAT happy, ever tried counselling, big guy?" he poked.

Then he turned around to the three still confused boys with a distraught expression, "It's about (Y/N)," he started.

"Oh God," Yunho yelped out, his hand immediately gripped onto the arm of the closest person which was Seonghwa.

"What about (Y/N)?" Seonghwa asked, voice cracking from nerves. Haknyeon looked like he didn't wanna talk, but the hopeful eyes in front of him struck something deep in him, "she... left," he said.

"Yeah, she left us, we know that," Yunho clarified, "no, she... LEFT left," Haknyeon stressed.

The boys behind Haknyeon let out choked out tears once again as the Hongjoong, Seonghwa, and Yunho felt like their world just shattered.

San and Wooyoung came back from the kitchen, San looking dishevelled and distraught as Wooyoung tailed after him, looking more or less the same but not worse.

"Tell me where she went," San demanded once he fully stood in front of Haknyeon. He was about to grab the stranger's hoodie in his hands but Wooyoung luckily prevented him.

Haknyeon took a step back from San to evade being grabbed, "can't do that, sorry, I promised her," he shrugged simply.

By this point, you could feel the tension in the room. The once sorrowful boys now had veins popping on their foreheads and they seemingly had their brains connected as they took a step towards Haknyeon together. The intruder was cornered in the middle of eight menacing men.

"See, Haknyeon, I told you sticking to the script would've been better,"

All nine heads snapped towards the direction of the kitchen where you stood, hands on your waist and your luggage and bag by your side.

Haknyeon grinned innocently and shrugged, "And where would the fun be there?" he joked, slipping himself from between the boys towards you. He wrapped an arm around your shoulder and grinned widely at the eight now-dumbstruck men, "If you guys haven't figured it out, I was kidding, (Y/N)'s perfectly fine and she's back, she just needs my help to slip in here as a distraction while she slipped from the back," he said proudly.

But the silence in the room was deafening. Neither one of the boys reacted whatsoever. If you look closely, you're sure that neither of them was even blinking.

Seeing and feeling the tension, Haknyeon cringed and pat your head softly, "yeesh, tough crowd. I'll let you handle them on your own," he said simply before leaving from the back door where you came.

When the door closed behind Haknyeon, you finally realized that you now have to face the consequence of your action.

Luckily, you didn't have to break the silence.

"(Y/N)? Is that really you?" Jongho choked out, surprisingly. Out of everyone there, you thought the first ones to welcome you would've been Mingi, San, or Wooyoung, or even Seonghwa.

A smile broke on your face and your shoulders slumped in relief, "Yeah, it's really me, Ho,"

You were about to take walk towards them all when Yeosang stepped forward with a hand outstretched, motioning you to stop.

"You think you can just easily walk in here and we would just so easily accept you back?" he spat out.

Your feet stopped in its track and your heart dropped to your stomach.

"Accept me back? What do you mean accept me back, was I ever rejected by you all?" you couldn't help but ask, feeling like Yeosang didn't mean what he said.

But you were dead wrong.

"You left out of the blue, without any explanation, leaving us scrambling around like headless chicken looking for you. YOU rejected us first," he said.

You furrowed your eyebrows at him, "I didn't reject you guys- oh my God, I had to get away from here for a while and I couldn't tell any of you! I didn't have time because I was pressed, FORCED to leave and having to keep my mouth shut about everything, I was miserable when I left," your voice cracked on its own mid-sentence without you realizing.

A scoff left Yeosang's mouth, "No one forced you to do anything, (Y/N), you LEFT, you CHOSE to do that all on your own," he turned a bit to point at Mingi, Wooyoung, and Jongho, "You left those three crying their eyes out for you, there wasn't a day when Mingi wouldn't actively go out to look for you with one of the others, do you know that your former RA almost got his ass tied to a restriction order?" he then moved again to point at the three oldest, "Hwa hyung and Yunho barely ate, too stressed to even keep food down, Hwa hyung had to take medicine for the toll of stress on his body and Joong hyung barely went out of his room, he tried to distract himself from the fact that you left without saying anything, some of us had to force him to eat and sleep,"

Then suddenly he gripped onto San's hand and brought him forward. Your heart broke at how sunken San looked, bags under his eyes and he seemed visibly smaller and weaker, "and San here got so depressed that he wasn't able to function whatsoever. I had to make sure he got out of his bed and move around every day or else I'm sure that he would've died," Yeosang's voice cracked as tears began streaming down his eyes.

Yunho took a step forward and look around at everyone, "G-guys, let's calm down a bit-"

But he was cut off by Yeosang who had let his emotion took over him completely.

"You left us! You left us broken-hearted and confused and lonely and ruined! So no, you don't get to waltz here so easily, thinking that we'd just accept you with open arms after the crap you pulled. If you wanted to be a wandering tramp, then why even bother coming back? Did you get bored out there? Or were your conquest turned out to be a failure? We were genuine about you, yet you simply shrugged us off like dust," he screamed at you.

You didn't even realize that your own tears had run down your own face. You looked around for the other boys for help, but neither one were looking at you. They were actively avoiding your stare.

Seeing Yeosang's chest heaving heavily with lips trembling, Seonghwa took a step closer to him and pulled him back slowly.

"Yeosang, come on, man, not like this. Not now. Let's take a deep breath first, okay?" he said softly despite his own obvious bubbling emotion.

Maybe it was the raw emotion and the vulnerable state Yeosang was in, but he simply let Seonghwa drag him back slowly until they both retreated to the stairs.

One by one, starting from Jongho then Hongjoong and Wooyoung, then San slowly followed whilst keeping his eyes glued to the floor, they all left you. Your heartbeat quickened when you watched their retrieving figure, backs towards you so coldly.

Not that you could blame them, Yeosang made a point about you leaving just like that without any notice.

All that left were Yunho and Mingi.

As they looked at each other, you could see that they were debating whether to welcome you or not.

Your hope was immediately crushed as they simply gave you a broken-hearted stare and followed the other six, disappearing to their own rooms.

So all that's left was you, out in the open.

All alone.

Vulnerable.

How you wish you could turn back time and changed your decision.

taglist :

@raysanshine @peachy-maia @xuxiable @90s-belladonna @theclawofaraven @sanraes @sungiehan @felix-kithes @nycol-ie @superstarw99 @skkrtnawrskkrt @viv-atiny @the7thcrow @stfu-xeena @laurademaury @multihoe-net @daisyhwa @scoupshushushu @whyisquill @bikiniholic @yunhorights @exfolitae @simplewonderland @verycooldog2 @perfectlysane24 @hannahdinse8 @tannie13 @aka-minhyuk-kun @phebeedee @em0yunho @marsophilia @donghyuckanti27 @se-onghwa @malewife-supremacy @hyunsukream @elijahbabyb @taejichafe @alliecoady98 @rdiamondbts2727 @hakuna-matata-ya @ohmy-fandoms @spacechubbyatiny @stray-bi-kids @imaaroy @fashi0nablee @rindomo @violetwinters @nabihwa @linhyyboo12 @mirror-juliet @bestboiericsohn

[thoradvice]

tw depressive thoughts, suicidal ideation, conversoin therapy mention, homophobia, death, anxiety, panic attacks, overdose

//

//

hey thor, if you could please tag this with those and more that you see fit, i wouldn't want to trigger anyone, thank you.

but i've been struggling the past year with a lot. i'm bisexual, and my parents are extremely homophobic and i dont doubt that they would send me to conversation therapy if given the chance. my papa, the only person i truly ever think loved me, passed away four days before my birthday in september. my anxiety attacks have worsened so much that i get them when i get below a 85 on an assignment. i have to take care of my two little brothers almost entirely by myself. my mother couldn't give a shit about me and i haven't seen my dad since he found out my mom was pregnant with another mans baby. that was two months ago.

i'm only 15, but i dont wanna be here anymore. the only reason i haven't done anything yet is because of my little brothers. they're the only thing keeping me here. i hate myself. i'm the spitting image of my mother and i cant stand to look myself in the mirror. all i see is her screaming at me, telling me i'm worthless and i don't deserve to be here in anymore. i held a bottle of the strongest medicine in the cabinet this morning, and i was so close to locking the door and taking them. i don't know why i sent this in, but i feel like i've talked so much to my mutuals on here and at this point i'm boring them, like they dont care anymore.

im going back to my therapist in a couple weeks, and i have a feeling i'll be put back on my meds. i just want this feeling to go away. i dont want to feel like this anymore. i want to be there for my little brothers and my soon-to-be little sister. i want them to see me as their strong older sister, not the girl who cant go three hours without crying.

i want to get better, but i don't know how to do that thor.

hi there, honey. i’m so so beyond sorry that you feel like this. please know that you deserve so much better. you deserve loving, accepting parents. you deserve a happy life. you deserve to feel good. i’m also gonna take this one point at a time, and give advice on each, because i think that way i’ll be able to give the most in-depth help.

it’s hard to deal with homophobic parents. it really is. but you don’t owe them your sexuality. you never have to tell them, especially if your safety is threatened. i know how hard it is to be closeted and to know that your parents won’t & don’t support you. but there is so much more than your parents. you will meet so many people who love, accept and support you for who you are, no matter what. i’m a huge believer in found family, and i believe that you can find your family. know that you’re not wrong. your feelings aren’t wrong. you will never be perverted or bad or gross for being bisexual. it’s so much more than okay to be bi. your sexuality is beautiful.

your mother is wrong. so so wrong. you’re worth so much. you’re a living, breathing person. that alone gives you so much inherent worth. nothing and nobody, including your mom, can ever take that away from you. there’s nothing that you or anyone else can do that will ever make you worthless and anything less than a person who deserves the best that life has to offer. you may look like your mother, but that doesn’t make you like her. from this ask alone, i can tell that you’re a loving, caring and strong individual. your mom seems the opposite. 

you do deserve to be here. so so much. you deserve so much more than you believe right now. i’m so sorry that anyone has ever made you feel otherwise, and even more sorry that you think that suicide is the only way out. i know that these words are easy to say, but they’re true. i’m not much older than you (almost seventeen) and i’ve tried to kill myself several times, more times than i want to think about. i never thought that i was worth anything, that i deserved to be here. i hated myself beyond belief and i saw so much of my past self in your words. i’m by no means recovered, and i do still want to die some of the time. but i know that i have worth, and that i deserve to be here. i know that i’m not a bad person, and that i’m loved. my point here is that there is a future beyond this. it’s only in the last eight or so months that i’ve begun to feel like this. hell, i planned a suicide attempt back in march. recovery is possible for you. please believe me when i say this. it will take time, and effort, and it’s going to be hard. but you’re worth it. you owe it to yourself - your eight year old self, your thirty year old self, and your seventy year old self - to give life a chance.

that’s good !! that’s beyond good. i’m proud of you for that. please talk to your therapist & be honest with how you’ve been feeling. your meds will almost definitely help with this, and you’ll start to feel better soon. if they don’t work well for you, you can ask your therapist if you can switch them. opening up to your therapist, though, will absolutely be the best step in feeling okay again.

you’re so strong. so so fucking strong. you’re dealing with all of this, and you’re still here. that’s amazing. you want to get better, and you’re trying to make that happen. i’m sure your brothers (+ future sister) treasure you and know just how strong you are. please know that i’m so proud of you. it takes so much strength to know that you want to recover, and to reach out like this, to talk about your feelings at all. you’re so loved and you’re worth so much. please come talk to me (via asks or messages. if you prefer other social media, i can give you my instagram) if you ever need anything at all. best of luck <3

[fifi-uchiha]

You know, I'd say I'm kinda confident. Like... I know I'm not thin, but I'm fit af, I like my body as it is, I work out every day and I like being good at it.

And I like showing my belly because after so many years of dieting and my tummy tuck, I feel good enough to do just that.

But I have scars.

And I never gave a shit about them, I didn't even think about wanting to hide them. However, I had a little chat with a few people at the gym and there was this one girl who was about my size. Apparently her tummy isn't flat (but she still looks fine! Like... It's nothing serious imo) and we were talking about working out, food, body positivity ect.

I just said that I was happy about my weight loss and the fact that I can wear... jeans with a crop top. I was never able to wear them because of my horrible looking thighs and my tummy. After losing so much weight... Your body won't be able to handle so much lose skin, my tummy skin alone weighted almost three kilos.

Anyway, you know what she said?

"I would never wear revealing clothes if I had scars. Urgh, they look ugly and horrible and I sure would hide them."

(we speak German here, I just translated it)

I don't know why, but that... Angered me because I knew it was directed at me. And yes, it even hurt a little for a short second.

But I'm the kinda who feels more anger than sadness because...

She saw my scars on my tummy and in my legs. She SAW them and she willingly said something so mean just to fucking hurt me.

And yes, I reacted and said:

"You know what? You're just jealous. You're jealous and butt hurt because you can't wear revealing clothes because of your fat tummy. I would chose my scars and my successful weight loss over your thick tummy anytime and I'm very sure you would too."

To be honest, I never said something so mean and it felt horrible. Like... You can wear anything at any size, no matter how thin or thick you are. No one gets to tell you what to wear. I never wasted even a single thought about something so silly.

But I gotta be honest, I wanted to hurt her.

After all, she knows what I've been through, those surgeries almost broke me, especially my thigh tuck. I was in so much pain and thinking back, I think I was depressive because of the pain I endured.

Of course I never regretted it, I'm glad I endured it but now, some random girl sais something so rude just to fucking hurt me. That'd why I wanted to feed her her own medicine and now I feel bad somehow.

Urgh...

That's my scar. At least the visible part and I have the same scars on each inner thigh. I mean, I know people can see them but... I never considered my scars as 'disgusting', I don't even see them as mistakes and I never found them ugly. To be honest, I'm just glad I finally have a flat tummy which I never had before.

Wearing shorts, crop tops or even a bikini like on the picture... Never.

This is my first year where I felt good enough to wear clothes that I always wanted. And I don't give a damn about what people think of my scars.

Hell, I worked my ass off to get them, I lost 57 kilos and I'm happy about it.

But I realized something.

I should've worn all those things I liked before. I looked very bad, guys. Like... Seriously, having to much lose skin was horrible, I didn't feel like... A woman, as stupid as it sounds.

But now, I realized that people will always talk shit about you, no matter how your body looks.

Don't give a shit about them, just do your thing, stay healthy and don't cover yourself just because of what others think.

You like revealing clothing? Wear them!

Or you want to cover your body because you don't think it suits you or because you just don't like revealing clothes? That's totally okay.

But do it for yourself, not for the others because it doesn't matter what oh do and what you wear.

If there is a bitch or a bastard in your life, she or he will talk shit about you.

I started to not give a shit anymore.

You should too if you haven't decided that already 😁

[asking-jude]

My best friend is yelling at me because I haven't been responding to messages, calls, or anything nowadays. I'm just extremely depressed, but when I tell her she says "its no excuse." And I get it but she won't take my view for a second because "She's just as sad but doesn't do it like me so why should I get too." I know that is a toxic mindset and I want to set her straight but I feel I can't.

Hi love, 

Thank you for contacting Asking Jude. I am so sorry to hear that you’re going through this. Please know that it is not okay that your best friend is treating you this way. It’s great that you can realize that this is toxic behavior. 

In any relationship, it’s healthy to have boundaries when it comes to emotional health. Your best friend is overstepping that boundary by expecting you to be available to her 24/7. You are depressed, so it’s hard to be social and respond to anyone because you want to be alone. It’s not okay that she is disregarding your emotions and point of view on this situation. 

Being sad and depressed are two different things. Sadness is a normal response to loss, disappointment, problems, or other difficult situations. Meanwhile, depression is a mental illness that affects mood, and it doesn’t go away as fast as sadness does. Regardless of that, you are two different people and respond to things differently. 

I think it’s great that you want to set your best friend straight because that involves standing up for yourself. Instead of telling her off, I recommend that you tell her how her statements made you feel so you don’t accidentally create more conflict. The best way to do this is to use “I-statements.” These are phrases that are commonly used in conflict resolution because they foster a non-hostile environment. I would pick a time where you are both in a pretty good mood to have this conversation, and I recommend that you do this face to face. Here are some guides on how to use “I-statements” and on conflict resolution: 

https://www.bumc.bu.edu/facdev-medicine/files/2011/08/I-messages-handout.pdf. 

https://www.washoeschools.net/cms/lib/NV01912265/Centricity/Domain/176/2.3_I%20Statements.pdf. 

https://www.helpguide.org/articles/relationships-communication/conflict-resolution-skills.htm. 

https://www.edmonds.edu/counseling/documents/Conflict.pdf. 

https://wendymillermeditation.medium.com/9-rules-to-resolving-conflict-with-friends-7391f8cb7dd5. 

https://theeverygirl.com/how-to-handle-conflict-with-a-friend/. 

Here are some resources on how to deal with toxic friends: 

https://www.healthline.com/health/toxic-friendships#moving-forward. 

https://medium.com/lady-vivra/how-to-handle-toxic-friendships-2334389dfdf2. 

https://thehappyarkansan.com/blog/toxic-friendships/. 

I found these guides on how to set boundaries:

https://www.uky.edu/hr/sites/www.uky.edu.hr/files/wellness/images/Conf14_Boundaries.pdf. 

https://www.therapistaid.com/worksheets/setting-boundaries.pdf. 

https://www.therapistaid.com/worksheets/boundaries-psychoeducation-printout.pdf. 

https://static1.squarespace.com/static/55c0bd42e4b0cbff9773171f/t/5a1a3f4be4966b1342ebf5c7/1511669579867/_+Boundary+Starter+kit+Nov+2017.pdf. 

In addition to the resources above, I recommend that you utilize helplines for added support. Hotlines are excellent resources because they are free, confidential, and available 24/7. Here are my suggestions:

Crisis Text Line: Text “HOME” to 741741 to speak with a counselor or visit https://www.crisistextline.org/ to access their Facebook messenger chat.

7 Cups of Tea: Visit www.7cups.com or download their app (IOS or Google Play) to create an account. Once you have, you can start chatting with one of their listeners or attend group sessions on several topics. 

I hope that you’re able to resolve this issue with your best friend and that she starts to respect your boundaries. You don’t have to be available to her all the time. You are allowed to take time for yourself. If you need any more support, please don’t hesitate to come back to Asking Jude.

Love,

Meggan

Asking Jude has moved to its OWN platform at askingjude.org. We will still be answering submissions on Asking Jude, but the new website’s submissions will take priority. We highly recommend you create an account on Asking Jude’s website, so you can receive 24/7 support from the Asking Jude Team and our community members. 

[basement-critics]

I watched "I Have A Complaint" so you don't have to...

Okay so I know @carmensandiego-againstonision already did one for this video, and if I knew how to link the post I would, if you haven't seen her's please do, but I have some things I want to add to the video as well.

• Starts off saying they have a bone to pick with the planets and life. And that this video is a vent video so they can "vent their sorrow and pain"

• Says that they didn't mean to look like Archie from Riverdale, but you can pretend they are Archie complains at you

(Okay I don't even like Riverdale, but you look nothing like Archie, like at all)

• Claims Mercury Retrograde is fucking up their life, also states they are a skeptic in all the astrological stuff. But are starting to believe in Mercury Retrograde because "everytime Mercury is in Retrograde shit starts to go down hill for me"

(Or could it be that it's just a bad day/week and you are looking for something outside of yourself to blame it on?)

• "Every small little inconvenience that could happen to me is happening to me"

(Oh snap, it's almost like you are an adult)

• Says they are losing their shit over this

• For the first time I've ever heard, they call themselves Kai

(Looks like Greg finally wore you down huh)

• It all started a week ago, when their car didn't work right. Their power steering shut off, but they made it home safely, where they told Greg and he went to look at the car. And it worked fine for him

• Says stuff like that happens often, they will be trying to get something to work but it won't, and then Greg will use it and it works fine

(Same fam, it's just a thing that happens to everyone)

• That was the first sign, and the first inconvenience

• Says they were feeling weird for a while

• They had trouble talking to people, and they had to go into a meeting where they had a hard time getting their point out, and they felt dumb because of it

(Again same, I did this today in English 1. It happens to everyone)

• More little things like that started happening but they don't go into detail

• Then they started to feel bad and sick, so they scheduled and appointment with the Doctor. Then they make a point to say how they never go to the Doctor even when they are really sick

(Yo that is so not healthy)

• So they go to the Doctor, but they only have an 8 am appointment

(Oh no, an early appointment that means you can get done earlier and get more stuff done later in the day)

• Greg had to drop them off

• And then they had a bunch of extra time after their appointment "which was awful by the way"

(Oh no, some time to yourself)

• They are salty about having to go to "a women's health clinic" and said it wasn't the funniest thing and they almost cried the entire time they were there

(Okay I get that this could cause dysphoria I do, but Lainey you have to realize you have the body of a women. If you need to go see a Doctor they are going to put you down as a woman regardless of where you go because you are biologically a woman and that affects your care and your medication you can be put on a lot. Also if you knew this was going to bother you, why not try going to other health clinics. There are general health clinics that aren't gender specific)

• They finished their appointment early and decided to walk to Starbucks that was a mile away

• But oh no, it was up a hill and it was cold out

• They got their Starbuck "so all in all, not that bad"

• The clinic called them and told them they had an infection and need to be on antibiotics

• The antibiotics are making them sick

(Like they do with everyone)

• They say it's not fair to be on a medicine that makes you sicker than the illness it's treating and they are depressed about it

(Which I can agree with, but that what antibiotics do. They make you sick, that's a well known thing)

• The first and foremost indicator of the Retrograde is that, they and to run errands, and it was hard and they had to do it themself

(I've been running errands by myself since I was like 14, it's not hard)

• They decided to treat themself with a Green Tea Frappuccino from Starbuck, because they don't get Starbucks often

(Sure you don't Lainey, sure. *looks at all the videos where they have a new Starbucks cup*)

• Then they dropped their Green Tea Frappuccino

• Lainey almost had a break down in the Target parking lot over a spilt drink

(It's a drink, from a place that burns their tea and coffee so you can't taste how low quality it is)

• Their alarm hasn't been going off all week so they had to rush out the door and didn't get to eat breakfast

• Lainey stops at McDonald's and orders food and a coffee

• So they order, and pull up to the window. The woman handed them the bag, Lainey says they do not remember, to this day, taking the bag from woman, like it's a complete black spot in their memory

(LAINEY GO TO THE DOCTOR, THAT IS NOT NORMAL)

• They get their coffee, and sit there waiting. The woman comes back and asks Lainey if they need anything else.

• Lainey tells the woman they haven't gotten their food yet, so the woman goes and gets Lainey another order

• They go park so they can get their maps up and their food ready so they can drive

• And they see they have two bags off food in the seat

• They say they feel like an asshole and that they can't take it back, and how they never want to go back to that McDonald's again

(Like I get the feeling like a jerk part, but hey, free food)

• They almost broke their ankle by tripping over the stuff all over their dirty house

• They laid on the floor for 30 minutes afterwards

(1, clean your house. 2, you are a mother, if you fell and hurt yourself then so will your children. 3, you are a mother of 2 children, you shouldn't be laying on the floor for 30 minutes while your kids were doing God knows what)

• "It still hurts, to this day"

(Because it happened that week Lainey)

• They then show us their gross feet

(I don't know if their feet are gross by normal people standards, but I really hate feet so all feet are gross)

• They say their emotions are going haywire and they are sad about everything

• If someone looks at them the wrong way they feel like they cry

• They feel betrayed all the time as well

• They also say they are lonely, and that Greg is working all the time

• So they lay in bed and cry

(Again, mother of 2 small children)

• They cry themselves to sleep almost every night

• They feel like everyone is ignoring them

• They get upset when people leave them on read, even though they do that to everyone

(Okay Lainey, this is coming from a genuine place. Please, please go get help. Being sad all this time, crying all the time, being on the verge of a break down all the time, is not normal nor is it healthy. You may have a hormone imbalance, or you may have an undiagnosed mental illness that you really need help for.)

• Says that in 6 days they won't feel like this anymore because Mercury will be out of Retrograde and they will "be the happiest bean to ever bean"

(They keep usuing really cringing language like this, it's like a middle age mom trying to fit in with her kids and their friends)

• They are doing a binder video soon where they compare an expensive binder to a cheap one

• And even though they already have an expensive binder, they ordered another one to use and ordered a cheap one

• The cheap one is dangerous because they feel like it is going to crush their lungs even though they put in their measurements

• Their expensive one was supposed to ship in 1-6 days, but it got delayed. When they emailed the company they got a code for free shipping in their next order

• Claims that they need it soon because it's urgent

(1, free shipping in your next order? Hell yes. 2, you are a YouTuber who makes your own schedule and doesn't upload daily, it's not that urgent)

• They can't talk about the last thing, even though it was supposed to be the craziest thing that they have ever found out in their life and really proved the Mercury Retrograde stuff

• They say it's not normal for things to be like this, so unless they "pissed off the magical sky spirit" they don't know what's going on, but they want it to stop

• There have been other minor annoying inconveniences that have happened, but nothing so important to remember

• Lainey says that once Mercury goes out of Retrograde it will all stop and life with go back to normal

• They like to complain

Conclusion

Lainey, I really think you need some help. You are overly emotional all the time from the sounds of it, and that's not healthy for you. Also, this is stuff that happens to everyone, this kind of stuff is normal. We all have bad days or weeks, that's just how life works. Don't look to blame something outside of yourself, when it's just life, these problems happen to almost everyone, sure it's annoying, but it has nothing to do with Mercury Retrograde.

[disabled-queen-hc-blog]

Really REALLY hard time with my anger right now... Could I request one of the boys having comorbid PTSD and BPD and their anger being triggered to the point that they self harm on their face and chest? Obviously you don't have to do this but I just need a safe outlet. I haven't done anything to myself rn

I could see Freddie doing this.

The worst thing about BPD is that the things you feel and observe are sometimes not based in reality. A smile that fade back to a neutral expression a little too quickly can mean the person is only humoring you and actually hates you. Someone looking away or at something else while you’re talking to them is them showing you how boring and uninteresting you and what you have to say are. A yawn while in your company is an expression of their boredom with you as a person.

At a little celebration for Queen in a run down pub, the boys did all three of those things while Freddie was talking or the center of attention. Brian’s smile faded so quickly after Freddie was done talking. Roger kept looking at the bar keeper. John yawned.

Things were white, but almost immediately, they went black.

They hate Freddie.

They loathe him.

They’re only using him for his talent.

They think he’s a shoddy friend.

They can’t stand him.

Fine.

Fine!

Freddie stood up suddenly, his palms slamming down onto the table.

“I’m leaving,” he hissed, his eyes squinted. The boys are confused but he doesn’t let them ask or explain themselves. Their actions have said enough.

He paid his tab because he doesn’t want them to think he’s a cheapskate in addition to being so mind numbingly boring.

Freddie practically runs home, having to use every ounce of his willpower not to sob the whole way. He can’t believe it. His best friends. How could they treat him like this? What had he done other than be there for them? Why did they hate him?

Once the door to his house opened, so did the floodgates.

He bawled and howled, tossing all his stuff to the floor, wobbling as he locked himself in the bathroom.

Why was he so unlovable? Why did nobody want to be with him? Why couldn’t anyone love him the way he wanted to be loved?

His eyeliner ran as he looked in the mirror, staring into the eyes of what must have been a pathetic creature. Ugly and whiny and pathetic.

He used a finger to trace his chin and cheekbones, wondering whether he was in the wrong or they were. 

It must be him. He had a horrible track record with friendships and partners. Could never keep them for more than a few years at best. A few days at worst. 

There must be something wrong with him.

There is something wrong with him.

If only he could find it and pluck it out. Pull it out. Squeeze, yank and burn it off.

Freddie grabbed tweezers from the counter and a safety blade from the medicine cabinet. He wasn’t sure what he was doing or what he was looking for. Maybe he’d see it when he looked hard enough. Or maybe he was just doing what someone as awful as he was deserved. 

♚

“Jesus, Fred. Did you lose a fight with a cat?” Roger said, John slapping the back of his head right after the words left his mouth. 

Freddie walked into the room, his giant sunglasses on, hair failing to cover his face. Although the friendship was over, he still had duties towards the band. If the band even cared to keep him after his stunt yesterday.

Brian stood up, his features morphing from shock to concern to something vaguely warm.

“Freddie...what happened last night? Did we do something to hurt you? And um..y-your face...did you fall or something? Are you okay?” Brian asked as he approached the singer, his shoulders slumped meekly. 

Freddie’s cheeks hurt, so he talked quietly as to not irritate them. “I’m fine. I’m a big boy. I can handle myself. Drop the fake concern and let’s get to business, shall we?”

The 3 others went bug eyed, confusion riddling their faces like the cuts on Freddie’s.

“Fake concern? Fred, what are you talking about? We’re worried about you,” Brian said as he took a step closer to Freddie. Freddie stiffened.

“I highly doubt that,” he said, taking off his shades, showing off more bruises and cuts.

Brian frowned, wanting to gently touch Freddie’s cheek but didn’t, knowing he’d be rejected. “Freddie, please. What’s wrong? What happened to your lovely mug?” he nearly pleaded, Roger and John ushering themselves closer to hear.

Freddie scowled, hugging himself defensively. These mind games they played! Disrespecting him one minute and loving him the next. It drove him insane all the gymnastics they did to try and keep him second guessing himself. Not anymore! No! Freddie may not be perfect, but he deserved better!

“You lot is what’s wrong! You guys don’t care about me. Not as much as I care about you, at least. I can see the hatred you all have for me in your eyes when we talk. You don’t even try to hide it. Yawning and checking your watches whenever I open my mouth. It’s so clear you’d rather be anywhere else than with me! All you want from me is my voice! I’d respect you all more if you admitted it to my face,” Freddie spat out, his cheeks growing red, making all his injuries throb.

He was met with an array of puzzled and incensed looks. 

John’s jaw dropped, his skin going pale. Roger looked about ready to start yelling. And Brian just looked hurt.

“What in the ever loving fu-” Roger attempted to say, getting cut off by Brian.

“Shut up, Roger.” he whispered, not needing Roger’s infamous temper to make things worse. He’d handle it, as John seemed shell shocked, seconds from bolting.

“I think I speak for all of us when I say, none of us know what you’re talking about. You’re our best friend. We love you. You are quite literally the best thing that happened to any of us,” Brian said softly, slowly and as sincerely as he could.

Freddie hugged himself tighter, shaking his head. “I know what I see. I’m not crazy. You all..h-hate me. And I won’t be lied to anymore.” Freddie wanted to badly to accept this apology, but he had to rationalize it with himself. It was fake. It was. He had to do what was right for him which was getting this off his chest.

“I don’t think you’re crazy, Fred,” Brian said, trying to not look at the cut that was now weeping on Freddie’s chin. “I think maybe you’ve misread some signals. I understand.”

“Oh, no you don’t! Everyone loves you, Brian. You couldn’t possibly understand me,” Freddie retorted, ruffling up.

“Oh, I do. When I’m depressed, my brain reads everything as negative. Sometimes, when you’d visit, you’d be all smiles and loving and my brain would take it and warp it into something nasty. It’d tell me how you only came over to get me feeling better faster so I could play in the band. That otherwise, without my talent, you found me to be useless and not worth the time of day. And sometimes, I’d believe it. I understand, Fred.”

Freddie contemplated Brian’s words, shivering when a trickle of blood slid down his neck. He wiped it up, blinking at the boys before him.

“You think...my brain’s lying to me?” he said in a tiny voice, a glimmer of logic shining in his eyes. A hint of reality burrowing it’s way to the surface.

Brian nodded. John and Roger followed suit. “Perhaps. And that’s fine. It happens. We still love you. We love you so much. We all have some flaws, right?” Brian took the opportunity to close the gap between him and the singer, pulling him into a tight hug. 

Freddie wanted to resist, but found himself melting into Brian, his eyes fluttering shut. 

Everything was white again.

He felt love. So much of it. He felt joy and peace and admiration. He felt whole.

“I love you boys,” he mumbled as the other two joined in on the hug, making Freddie practically radiate warmth.

“We love you more,” Brian replied, nuzzling the top of Freddie’s head, concern etched all over his features. Luckily, Freddie couldn’t see it.

“We’ll talk more about this later. How about we get you home, clean you up and watch some TV?” he asked, giving Freddie a squeeze. Freddie nodded blissfully. He had his boys back. He didn’t care about anything else.

As the four of them left, Brian, John and Roger all shared a glance. None of them understood what had just happened or what they could really do about it. They prayed this would be the last time Freddie acted out.

[letsdiscussrobots-blog]

Hi! Anon from earlier asking about angst requests, thank you for answering so promptly! I was thinking about the hypothetical situation I proposed aaaand I wound up liking it better than what I originally had in mind. So, could we get the TFP autobots reactions to getting their human s/o back after the decepticons have held them captive for while? Assuming the decepticons haven't bothered to take proper care of the s/o? (lack of water, etc) (P.S. I adore your blog it's my favorite ever!!)

Aw thanks darling! I’ll do the main 5 so it doesn’t get too long.

Optimus Prime

He’d lead the rescue mission to get you. He’s never been so enraged in his life when he finds you in a cage- a cage, like some sort of animal- shaking and crying out to him. Careful not to harm you in the process, he rips the bars off the cage and reaches for you.

Very nearly cries when you cling to his servo. Megatron will be dealt with later-  oh, he will be dealt with. But right now you are first priority, and Optimus calls for an immediate groundbridge.

He wants to hold you during your medical examination, and Ratchet doesn’t have the spark to tell him no. 

He’s drowning in guilt as Ratchet reads off your chart “malnutrition, dehydration…” the list goes on. Optimus smooths a digit over your head and curls you closer.

For the entire time your bedridden he sits next to you. He just can’t tell you how sorry he is for letting you get hurt. 

The morning after you’re brought back you wake to Optimus kissing your head. He gently tells you to go back to sleep. As you doze back off you see him leave through the groundbridge and hear his vow to kill Megatron.

Ratchet

Usually he doesn’t go on missions, but nothing could make him stay behind on this one. The ‘Cons are sure he’s back on synth-en as slices through enemies and demands to know where you are. Nearly removes Starscream’s head for his smart mouth.

Your chains are nothing to him. He’s able to get them off without hurting you with his surgical instruments. He’s ever-so-gentle as he checks you over.

Isn’t even trying to hide his anger as he reads your vitals. He’s cursing the cons with every breath until he realizes your distress. Then he apologizes and quiets himself.

His bedside manner is a lot better after that. He lovingly encourages you to eat and drink slowly, praising you and petting your head as you take slow sips of water. He tells you how much he loves you and that he missed you.

He’s extra crabby to everyone else,though. He constantly scolds people when they’re too loud and shoos them away from the medbay. 

He sleeps in the medbay while you’re bedridden in case there are complications or you have a nightmare. 

Bumblebee

Is extremely quiet and hyper-focused on the rescue mission until he finds you. Then he frantically asks you if you’re okay and cuddles you close.

He feels like absolute slag. First Raf got sick and then you got captured; why can’t he protect the people he loves?! He switches between anger and depression.

He’s going to kill Megatron- he is. After Tyger Pax and Raf and you, does anyone else have more of a right to the warlord’s life?

Is extra affectionate with you. He nuzzles you and constantly tells you how much he loves you. When you’re feeling up to it he cuddles you while you watch your favorite cartoons.

He gets jumpy and protective of you. When you cough he immediately calls Ratchet in a panic. Bulkead will be too loud and he’ll angrily buzz at him to hush.

Arcee

The Cons put you in Arachnid’s “care” to specifically piss Arcee off. She wasn’t allowed to kill you, but you weren’t in the best shape when Arcee found you.

Arcee returns to the base with you and a few long, spindly appendages she “collected”

At first she switches between being possessive and distant. Ratchet tells you it’s because she’s so scared of losing another partner. She’ll come around.

She does come around after awhile and ends up mothering you. Did you drink plenty of water? Take you medicine? Do you need another blanket?

She kisses you goodnight and holds your hand while you sleep.

Bulkhead

Even scares his team on the rescue mission. He’s going full-blown Wrecker style, and he’s frighteningly emotionless as he tears Cons apart.

He finally returns to his old self when you’re in his servos. He holds you protectively and orders Ratchet to open the groundbridge and prep the medbay.

He freaks out over every injury you have, even if it’s just a bruise. Begs Ratchet to be extra careful with you and gets sent out of the medbay until your examination is over.

The IV you have to have unnerves him. It reminds him how fragile and small you are. It keeps you trapped in the medbay. It’s keeping you alive right now because those slagging ‘Cons didn’t give you water.

He gets you get-well soon balloons and ice cream and even a big fluffy teddy bear to cuddle when he’s away. 

At night he gives you kisses and tells you stories (happy ones of before the war) as you fall asleep. He camps out in the medbay so he can be close to you.