#because he's still insecure that he's an Abyssal monster

[that-foul-legacy-lover]

shy Foul Legacy. you wonder, sometimes, how Childe loves. with how smug and easygoing he is you can only assume that he loves as fiercely as ocean waves, the type of person to laugh and swing you around when asking how your day was. and in some ways, he is, since that's how he greets you everyday when you visit the Bank, a grin on his face and a rarely-seen twinkle in his eye. around you, Childe is loud, boisterous, confident- but only because he's buried how shy he feels when you're near him under the Abyss, within Foul Legacy. when you finally see his other form, all those soft, delicate feelings rise to the surface. the first time you met, Foul Legacy had been scared, scared that you'd think he was a monster. but you, in all your wonderful braveness, had walked up without a second thought. you had called him "beautiful". and before Childe knew it the room felt too warm and he was covering his face with his hands, a blushing, stuttering mess. it's so cute how he looks away when you approach, cheeks warm even with his mask on. how he whines and hides his face behind his claws when you compliment him. how he yelps when your lips brush his forehead, flustered from the way you lightly chuckle. how he ducks his head behind your shoulder when embarrassed, talons still holding your arm because he doesn't want you to go. he always apologizes afterwards, saying he “acted like a fool”. but you simply hum and run your thumb over his cheeks, because you found it sweet, and soon enough Childe finds himself coming to you in either form for soft affections and a respite from needing to act so sure of himself all the time. yes, on the day you met Foul Legacy, you found that the Eleventh Harbinger loved softly, like the lulling tide under the starlit sky.

[gay-dorito-dust]

How about a jealous reader when George spends more time with Flo and one night he comes home late to a smoky kitchen with reader sleeping on the table with a plate of burnt cookies in front of her because he missed their cooking date night, just something angsty to very fluffly!

“Hey babe, are still up for-“

“Sorry to cut you off sweetheart,” George said as he rushed to shrug on his puffer jacket over his shoulders, “but I’ve got to help Flo out with a few things but I should be back before noon so we can have our date.” He then presses a kiss to your forehead before legging it out of the door faster then you’ve ever seen during the duration of your relationship as the sour feeling within your stomach you’ve had for a while began to feel like corrosive acid. Eating you from the inside out.

You could only watch helplessly as the door shut behind him and you were left to your own devices in mending the fractures of your heart. At first you didn’t think much of it but the more George chose to cut your time together short to help Flo, it only worsened the thoughts within your head that your relationship with the speckled male was coming to an abrupt end and there was nothing you could do about it. You adored Flo, you truly did, and you couldn’t blame her for something that wasn’t any of her fault; You couldn’t blame her for how George seemed to act like a excited puppy dog every time she visited for it wasn’t her doing.

Flo wasn’t responsible for George’s emotions and neither were you and you knew that that you were in no position to tell George what he’s meant to feel purely because you were suffering from the effects of a certain green eyed monster. George was his own responsibility and you were certain he was more then smart enough to understand himself better then anyone for he had to live with himself.

However what you were allowed to do was be human and feel out your emotions as and when they decided to come. You knew it was unhealthy to keep them withheld within yourself, to repress your feelings as it would only prove to be increasingly difficult task to upkeep without suffering the consequences in the form of a breakdown. Yet somewhere deep down inside you seemed to find the appeal of repressing your emotions, feeling as though it were the better route then to be an adult and sit down with George to talk about this in a civil manner.

You knew this course of action would only end up hurting you both even further, to the point where your abilities to trust one another with your most vulnerable selves would cause rifts in your relationship until it capsizes and fall into the abyss. You really don’t want to loose George, you really don’t, he means so much to you and you weren’t about to loose him because you were too scared of the possibility of what would be said in that situation which would only reinvigorate your insecurities, your fears and your nightmares of loosing him; like he was the sand slipping through your fingers.

‘I can’t keep doing this to myself every time he goes to Flo. It’s not healthy! None of this is!’ You thought to yourself as you lifted yourself from the staircase that you’ve blockaded with your body from the moment George left earlier that morning, suddenly thankful of the fact that Lockwood and Lucy had left prior to finding a simple case, leaving the responsibility of holding down the fort to you. One of the many things you’ve noted in your relationship with George was that whilst he has the habit of stress cleaning, you developed an offset habit of stress baking.

You hadn’t noticed that you were doing it until Lucy pointed it out one day and from then on you became more aware of how some of George’s habits had became your own. At the time you found to sweet that you were developing the habits of your loved one but as you placed the baking tray of vanilla and raspberry cookies into the oven, you found yourself hurting even more. It seemed that no matter what you did, George was somewhat apart of your every action and it only made the ache in your heart grow bigger at the fact that he was spending the time he used to spend with you with someone else.

Which was ironic and a tad silly considering the fact that you never felt this way whenever Lucy and George were in the same room. Maybe because you didn’t feel threatened by her in due to the heart eyes Lockwood had been throwing her way, that seemed to be more then reciprocated. If that was the case, then that only made you feel even more worse for ever thinking like that towards Flo, you’d never wish these thoughts on her, never. Yet humans were a weirdly complex species and every emotion ever felt by mankind was some of the times tied to subconscious or conscious thinking.

Whilst you were waiting for the cookies to finish, you sat yourself down in one of the chairs at the table, where you gradually found yourself coming down with a heavy dosage of fatigue and within minutes, your asleep on the thinking cloth.

George cursed under his breath when he checked the time, only to see that he was incredibly late for your date by the time he had gotten back from helping Flo. He knew it was bad to keep stuff from you but he was doing this for a reason, the anniversary of your first date was coming up, and he wanted to do something nice for you for putting up with him after all this time. So as he unlocked the door, he was greeted by a wave of smoke that burned at his eyes along with the ear piercing sound of the smoke alarm blaring all the way from the kitchen.

Worried and concerned of your well-being, George rushed to the kitchen only to see you fast asleep on the table with a plate of burnt cookies in front of you, smoke emerging from the charcoal treats, which he was right to assume must’ve set off the alarms; of which he was quick to grab a tea towel to disperse of the smoke whilst also having a couple of windows open. “Oh sweetheart,” George said in a hush voice, “I’m so sorry for being late.” He then looks over at the burnt cookies and couldn’t be but chuckle.

“An attempt was made but next time let me deal with the baking, the cooking and well…everything,” he then proceeded to sit himself in the chair next to you, rubbing your back gingerly before pulling you to his chest, “because I promised the moment we started dating that I’d treat you like royalty. Yet you refused because you wanted to treat me like royalty also. God your a fucking handful.” George chuckled as he reached a hand to rub up and down your back soothingly, his heart melting when you snuggled deeper into him as though you weren’t close enough for your liking. “Yet your my handful and I wouldn’t want it any other way. I promise my disappearing acts recently will make sense but for now, let me get you to bed before you get a crocked neck.”

Unknown to him, you had awoke the moment you felt his warmth against you, silently hearing him out and suddenly you weren’t jealous anymore. George Karim was truly a godsend and you weren’t about to loose him, not if you could always end up back in his arms as he whispered sweetly into your hair. You’ll have to save that talk you feared for tomorrow as for right now, his arms were all you ever wanted to be within right now.

[izakiisdead]

Festive Love.

ii Reader isnt actually mute but prefers to not speak but reader has very expressive face expressions.

ii He only speaks when needed, if not then he’ll be quiet.

a/n : HELP I TRIED WRITING A MAKE OUT SESSION AND ITS SO TRASH (MIGHT UPDATE ON IT)

Cw: not proofread :’3, semi nsfw at the end,

im so insecure abt this oneshot man HELP…

Requested by : Nobody

Genre : Short make out sesh in the end (NSFW maybe ?)

Naruto Uzumaki x Silent!Male Reader

(Part 1)Wake Up M/n !!

*RINGGGG*

You groaned at the sound of your alarm while trying to stop it from ringing like a bitch but end up falling off the bed.

“Tch… ouch” You got up and rubbed your head. You looked at the clock and it’s 6:30 am. You stared at the intimate object as you put it back at it’s original place and got back into bed. “Just 5 more minutes….” You groggily said before dozing off.

Timeskip “5 minutes later” (9 hours later)

*KNOCK* *KNOCK* *KNOCK*

“(M/N) SANNNNN OPEN THE DOORR !!!!” Naruto yell as loud as he can, hoping you would hear him. “Maybe we’ll just wait for him?” Sakura suggested. “It’s no use !! its been 9 hours !! He’s such a heavy sleeper.” Naruto replied. Sai was standing beside Sakura while nodding at him. “Its already almost 4 pm !” Naruto added as he puffed his cheeks in annoyance.

“Is (M/n) always this late ?” Sai calmly asked. “Well.. not really but today he seem to be taking a while to get up, I wonder what’s going on.” Sakura responded. Naruto was starting to grow impatient of the silent male and thought of an idea. “Let’s pick on the locks !!” He said with a mischievous smile.

*PAK*

“NO NARUTO.” Sakura smacked his head. “Agh ! That hurts Sakura chan !” Naruto winced. “Serves you right. We are ninjas not an intruder !” Sakura responded.

You were up in your room watching the whole show go down outside, sneaking in some silent chuckles. You actually woke up 3 hours ago but decided to skip practice because you were mentally exhausted.

You finished getting dressed and decided to go out by using the window instead of the door because why not ? You opened the window and jumped out of it; while doing so you tried to close the windows as fast as you could. You sneak up behind the three and acted as if you were there the whole time.

You tapped on Naruto’s shoulders to get his attention. “GAHHH A MONSTER !!!” You frowned at his words. “S-sorry (M/n) I thought it was a mons— HOW DID YOU GET HERE ?!?!” You let out a silent chuckle.

“Since we’re all here now we should get going—-”

“You missed practice today (M/n)” Sai cuts Naruto off. “He was wondering where you are, so am I. I’m glad you’re not hurt (M/n).” He added, chuckling a little then smile at you. You chuckled back at him while nodding at his statement.

“[Im sorry I wont let that happen again]” You signed with a smile. Sai was a little confused but Sakura helped him understand what you’re trying to say.

Naruto saw how your face lits up a little when you and Sai we’re talking. ‘W-what’s this feeling inside me..’ He thought to himself.

Naruto, without thinking held your hand; startling you. Your eye’s widen at the blonde boy’s action but you allowed his hand to intertwine with yours.

You turned to look at the pouting blondie.

“Ah ! Lets get going shall we ? Time wont wait for us will it ?” Sai said as he was staring into the abyss while you and Sakura nodded. Naruto, is still pouting. You smiled at him then tapped his shoulders.

He noticed you tapped his shoulders then lends you his ear. “Lets get going Naruto kun” you whispered into his ears; causing him to fluster up. Yes, he has heard your voice multiple times yet it still flusters him because you rarely use it and your voice sounds like whispers from an angel, enough to make a guy like him melt over it.

The both of you noticed how Sai and Sakura are already ahead of you two. Naruto held your hand a little tighter then sprints towards them, dragging you as well. It took you a while to catch up with Naruto’s pace.

The four of you are supposed to be heading to a festival after practice but of course you weren’t at practice but you still went with them. You’re going because you’re not going to miss out on good snacks they have at the festival.

(Part 2 Festival time !)

The four of you arrived right on time, the walk took the four of you around 2 hours.

You are on Naruto’s back because you were getting a little tired.

You got off Naruto’s back and gave him a bow as a ‘thank you’. “[thanks for letting me ride your back ! You’re extremely strong Naruto !]” You signed as you gave him a closed eye smile, he blushed seeing your adorable smile.

“N-no problem ! Anything for my boyfriend!! Or m-maybe future husband?” Your face reddens when you heard the last few sentences. You held his hands while trying to hide your embarrassed face.

“Awh ! Look at you two !! Now hurry up or we’ll leave you two.” Your body stiffness when you heard Sakura’s voice change. Sai nodded as he crosses his arms with a smile.

“We’re fine here !! We can just move at our pace ! You two go without us !” Naruto yelled with a wide smile. Sakura smiled at you two before leaving you two be.

[Sakura and Sai arent in a relationship, they’re just friends. Sakura is just helping him out incase things gets awkward for him]

As the two of you are now alone, Naruto picked you up bridal style and went to a more hidden place.

He gently places you down, not wanting to hurt you. “N-naruto..” he can feel his pants tent up from the sound of your voice. He ignored it. His face reddens and without thinking he kissed you.

The two of you were slowly adjusting into it. He slid his tongue into your mouth and explored the wet caverns of your mouth. He then pulled away to let you breathe since you were getting a little breathless. “(M/n)… may I continue?” He asked as he pulled you closer to which you nodded. He continued kissing your lovely lips while holding your hands and caressing it at the same time.

Despite his energetic personality, he’s very slow and gentle when it comes to this kind of stuff. He made sure you were comfortable during the whole make out session.

He took a break from kissing your lips so he can appreciate the other kissable spots of your body such as you neck, your cheeks, your forehead, your hands and etc (wink wonk *JOKING*)

“(M/n). I. love. you.” He said in a playful yet low voice in between kisses. You nuzzled at his neck while hugging him. “I love you too.” You said in a whisper like tone. Your breath hits his neck as you speak, making him fluster up.

“(M/n) sweetie, let’s continue this make out session behind closed doors shall we” You blushed at the male’s statement. You shyly nodded. Naruto was swooned by how cute you are then proceeded to pick you up then planted little kisses on your skin.

“Cmon honey, we got a festival to go to!” He said in his usual happy tone. You laughed at the male’s antics as you planted a small kiss on his cheeks. “Hey ! Sneaking a kiss on me huh ?” He kissed you as he was chuckling. “I love your kisses (M/n)” he holds you closer.

You guys took so long, the fireworks have already fired up.

The two of you watched the fireworks while enjoying eachother’s company. Naruto held you closer as your were focused on the fireworks.

-FIN

[ro-is-struggling]

Lose Myself || Bucky Barnes x Reader

Summary: Bucky can’t help but fall in love with his new neighbor even though every fiber of his beings tells him to stay away from her.

Warnings: song fic, fem reader, written from Bucky’s point of view, angst, mentions of insecurities and trauma (from Bucky’s side), mutual pining kinda, Bucky being a total simp for the reader, fluff

English is not my first language

Word count: 4200

Notes: this is part 2 of You Ruined Me (Matt Murdock x Reader) but you can totally read this as a stand alone. All you have to know is that Reader and Matt used to date but they broke up because he was still in love with Elektra. Also, I have plans for part 3 with a little more drama👀 so let me know if you guys would like to read that!

Like the previous part, this one is also inspired by a JC Chasez song, this time it’s Lose Myself so again I recommend you to listen to it to understand the vibe of the story. 

She loves daffodils and she keeps them on her window sill

When the wind blows her smell fills the room

She dreams in color, but does she know that I love her?

I'm swimming in my abyss of insecure blue

Bucky knocked on his neighbor's door gently, certain that you would be close enough to the entrance to hear him walk down the hallway to get there. You had called him urgently because you needed his help to get rid of a spider that was tormenting your apartment so naturally he dropped everything he was doing to rush to your rescue. You had that kind of relationship. Whenever you needed help killing a bug that you were terrified of or if there was a heavy piece of furniture you wanted to move you called Bucky. He lived in the apartment down the hall from you so he had no problem coming over to help you. It was always small favors and easy tasks that he would gladly do if it gave him an excuse to see you. You usually ended up hanging out together afterwards, and those were his favorite parts of the day.

When you opened the door Bucky's nostrils were assaulted by the smell of daffodils coming from inside the apartment. It was your favorite fragrance and over time he had learned to love it too. It was a scent he associated with you and therefore always brought him feelings of peace, security, love...

"Bucky! Thank God you're here!" you exclaimed, stepping aside to let him pass. "Come quick before it hides again." Closing the door behind him, you took his hand and led him through the apartment and into the kitchen. 

"Where is the monstrous spider you need me to take care of?" Bucky asked in a slightly amused tone. You always sounded so dramatic over the phone, but in his experience it was all your exaggerations. He was ready to meet the world's smallest spider. 

"It's in there." you pointed your finger into the kitchen as you stood in the safety of the door frame. "Between those things on the counter." You refused to go back into the kitchen as long as that thing was there, so you gave Bucky a gentle shove to force him in. He let out a chuckle, shaking his head at your attitude as he went inside to inspect the area you had indicated.

"This thing? Really?" he said when he found the spider walking across the counter. Sure, it wasn't a small domestic spider, but it wasn't the horrifying monster you had described to him either. "It's not that bad."

"It's disgusting. Get it out of here!"

Bucky didn't see the need to kill it, so he trapped it inside a glass so he could release it outside. He walked to the balcony, laughing as you let out a shriek and ran in the opposite direction as he walked past you with the spider in his hands. After releasing it Bucky closed the door to make sure it didn't get back into the apartment.

"All done! You can breathe now, doll" Bucky said as he turned to find you in the corner of the living room, hugging one of the couch cushions.

"Oh my god! Thank you thank you thank you thank you!" You thanked him, letting go of the cushion and running into his arms. "I don't know what I would do without you" you murmured against his chest. Bucky let out a chuckle, wrapping his arms around you as he felt his pulse quicken at the contact.

"Probably burn the building to the ground as soon as a bug enters your apartment."

"Oh you know me so well," you laughed, imagining the situation. "Are you staying for dinner? I have pizza and beer," you added, pulling away from him so you could look him in the eye. 

"Well, I can't say no to that."

It was sort of a tradition you guys had. Every time he helped you, you thanked him with food. It was a ritual that went all the way back to the day you met. You were in the process of moving in and when Bucky came into the building after his afternoon walk he saw you struggling to carry your belongings up to your apartment. He didn't usually interact with strangers, but the gentleman in him wouldn't let him go anywhere without offering his help. You had refused at first, telling him you didn't want to bother him, but when Bucky started lifting the boxes as if they weighed nothing you ended up agreeing. You spent the whole day together that time, carrying all your furniture and possessions up the stairs as you chatted and got to know each other. As night fell you invited him over for dinner. Your apartment was a mess of boxes and bags piled everywhere, but you had a few beers and the number of a pizza place that had been recommended to you. 

Bucky had wanted to say no, the voice of insecurity in his head screaming at him to get away from you before he ended up ruining your life. But there was something about your smile that wouldn't let him say no. You were special in a way that Bucky couldn't describe. You were completely different from him in every way, cheerful and easy to talk to, a splash of color in his gray life. Maybe that was what attracted him to you, the stark contrast you represented. You were everything he wasn't and to his surprise he liked that. 

Your little tradition had been created that day without either of you realizing it. It had been the beginning of your relationship and the beginning of Bucky's feelings for you.

And I'm losing my head

And I can't get no sleep

But if I reached out

Would you reach out for me?

Bucky hadn't been able to stop thinking about you since that day. And his feelings for you only grew as time went by. The sound of your melodious laughter was permanently recorded in his mind, accompanying him in every second of his life. He spent his days waiting for the moment when he could hear it again, longing for your next encounter in the hope of feeling once again that tingle that ran through his body every time your hands brushed.

He was in love with you, there was no denying it. It had been hard for him to admit it, but it was the truth. Though just because he was willing to admit it to himself didn't mean he was ready to act on his feelings.

The love he felt for you was unlike anything he had felt in the past. It was much stronger, much more intense. He lay awake at night thinking about you, trying to decide if he should act on what he felt. He wanted to, God knew there was nothing he wanted more than to hold you in his arms and tell you how much he loved you. But he could never muster the courage to do it. The voice of insecurity in his head always stopped him, reminding him that he was a mess and that you deserved someone better. Bucky knew he shouldn't listen to that voice, but it was very hard for him to ignore it so he kept his feelings secret, loving you in silence.

He was pretty sure you didn't feel anything for him anyway, so he didn't see the point in confessing his feelings to you. You had told him about your ex-boyfriend, how you had found him cheating on you with another woman and how much that breakup had hurt. You were so heartbroken that you had moved out of your apartment to escape the memories, hoping to start over in a place far away from all the pain. From the way you talked about him and your past relationship, Bucky assumed that you still had feelings for your ex-boyfriend. And he used that as an excuse so he wouldn't have to admit that he was terrified of you rejecting him. He had convinced himself of it because it was easier than accepting the truth.

However, there were times when he questioned his assumptions. There were times when you looked at him in a special way. Bucky couldn't describe it in words, but there was a special sparkle he sometimes noticed in your eyes that led him to wonder what would really happen if he decided to confess his feelings to you. And now as he listened to you telling him about your day, laughing over a funny story from work, Bucky couldn't help but wonder if you would take his hand if he dared to take the big step, if you would risk jumping with him or if you would let him fall alone into the abyss of uncertainty.

Knocked unconscious, walking on water cause I'm thinking of you

And don't you know that love's intoxicating and I need the abuse?

Because I'm endlessly falling, you're my destiny calling

What you're making me do

It's all because I lose myself in you

All because I lose myself in you

When you finished dinner you settled down on the couch to watch TV. It was not uncommon for you to end up curled up on top of each other under a blanket while watching a show or movie that caught your attention. Those were Bucky's favorite moments because he had an excuse to put his arms around you and pull you close to him. Normally he was not a fan of physical contact, he had too many painful memories that prevented him from enjoying being close to people. But with you it was different. With you everything was different. Bucky loved to take you in his arms and feel your warmth enveloping his body, it was like a gentle caress to his hurting soul. And that's exactly what he did, leaning back against the back of the couch to give you room to lay your head on his chest.

He tried to pay attention to the movie playing on the screen. It was some romantic comedy that he had never seen before, but you seemed to like it. He was sure it was very entertaining, but despite how hard he tried to pay attention to it, the sound of the television was nothing more than a mere background noise that sounded muffled, completely drowned out by the harmonious melody of your laughter. Bucky could smell the sweet scent of your hair, a mixture of your shampoo and your signature daffodil perfume. It invaded his nostrils with every breath he took, intoxicating him with your scent. How could he concentrate on anything else when you were all he could feel, all he could think about?

Bucky was convinced that you were his destiny calling him. He didn't really believe in that sort of thing, but it was the only explanation he could find for his feelings for you. He believed that you were meant to be together and all the shit he'd been through was a necessary evil he'd had to endure in order to get to you. Bucky felt a little selfish every time his thoughts took him down that route. He had nothing good to offer you and was probably the least qualified person to be in a relationship at the time. You deserved someone far better than him, someone who wasn't broken inside, someone who could offer you a brighter future. He knew that being with him was probably the worst decision you could make, but he couldn't deny how he felt. And even though it was selfish, he was sure that you were his destiny. 

You had made your way into his heart faster than anyone else in his life, both past and present. Somehow you had managed to break down all the barriers he had put up around his heart to protect himself, and you had secured a place in it without asking him for permission. You had become his support, his guide. You were the only person capable of making him feel good in his worst moments, the only one that with a simple smile could make all his negative thoughts disappear. You had never judged him, despite knowing who he was and what his past entailed. You had always been kind to him, showing him respect and affection even when he wasn't sure he deserved it. 

Bucky wasn't sure if you knew how much you had helped him by simply being yourself. Your kindness and caring inspired him to get better with each passing day, to fight negative thoughts and to be a better person. It made him think that if someone as good as you was capable of loving him then maybe he wasn't the monster his mind told him he was.

You had become his refuge, his home. You represented everything good in his life. You were a ray of sunshine on a cloudy day, a rainbow shining through the clouds after a storm. Bucky got lost in you every time you were together, letting your light illuminate his dark inner self. He was addicted to you, to the feeling of comfort and reassurance you brought him. He was addicted to loving you. Even if it hurted him, he couldn’t stay away from you.

I don't wanna be invisible, I just wanna be compatible

Longing for something that can only be filled by you

'Cause I'm fighting with my confidence

Build up my courage, give myself a chance

Because the only thing I think about is you

Bucky knew he was being selfish by staying by your side. He knew that the best thing for you would be for him to disappear from your life before he ended up hurting you. And in the beginning he had tried to walk away, to push you out of his heart and forget about you forever. He had forced himself to meet other people, going on multiple dates and looking for that special spark he felt when he was with you. But all his attempts had failed. The women he had dated were nice, but they weren't you. 

You were the only one who could fill the void in his heart. You were the only woman he wanted to wake up next to every morning and the only one he wanted to hug every night before he went to sleep. You were the only woman he wanted to kiss for the rest of his life. You were the love of his life and no one else could make him feel what you made him feel. And the worst part was that you didn't even realize the effect you had on him.

It took Bucky a while to accept that his feelings for you would not change and that it was stupid to look for something in other people that only you could give him. But when he finally gave up, when he finally accepted that he couldn't change how he felt, he decided to invest his energy into getting better every day. He focused on repairing his confidence and self-esteem and trying to make peace with his past. He knew it would be a long and arduous process, too much damage had been done to him and it cut deep inside him, but he hoped one day he would become worthy of your love. So he tried to take things slow, giving himself the chance to experience life in a more positive way.  He tried to revisit the things that used to make him happy in the past and find new things to enjoy, slowly but surely becoming a whole person again.

Do you know that I'm here? Do I even exist?

I'll dance on velvet skies

For just the thought of one kiss

"She has some good communication skills." Your voice brought him out of his thoughts. On the screen the protagonist was screaming at her love interest about how much he had hurt her and he seemed to understand his mistake as he watched her cry. "I tried that with my ex and it didn't work. She needs to give me some tips" you added with a bitter laugh. You were joking, but Bucky could sense a hint of pain in your voice. His stomach dropped and a sharp sting pierced his heart like a dagger.

He felt invisible, competing against the man that had broken your heart. It frustrated him to know that you were still thinking about that idiot who had done nothing but make you suffer when he was right there beside you, longing for a chance to show you how you should be loved.

Every time the subject of your ex-boyfriend came up in your conversations, Bucky couldn't help but think about how stupid that Matt guy had been to let such a wonderful woman like you go. In Bucky's eyes you were perfection itself, the most beautiful angel in heaven who had come down to take care of him. He couldn't believe that there was a single person on this earth who wasn't capable of seeing you that way. He couldn't understand how anyone could want to hurt a sweet soul like you. How someone who had had the privilege of holding your heart in his hands could have dared to crush it to pieces. If it had been him in your ex-boyfriend's place, Bucky would have made sure to take care of your heart as if it were his own, to show you every day how much he loved you and how important you were to him. Matt was a jerk who didn't deserve you and it was a shame that you still thought about him.

I see the beauty in your strength, baby

And you fight to keep it in you

But I break down your walls

With my army of love

"We're not all the same, doll. I would never have treated you that badly." Bucky spoke without even thinking about what he was saying. It was hard for him to concentrate when you were so close to him. When he realized what he had said he stayed silent. It was a very thin and dangerous line he was walking and if he wasn't careful he would end up saying things he couldn't take back later.

"Yeah well Matt said the same thing and he still cheated on me with his ex-girlfriend so.... I don't know if I can trust your words, Buck."

He couldn't stand the pain he heard in your voice any longer. It wasn't fair for someone as wonderful as you to question your worth because of the actions of a jerk who didn't know how to love you. You deserved to hear compliments and to be told how amazing you were. You deserved to be loved with the same fervor that you loved others around you. You deserved everything good in the world because you were everything good in Bucky's world. And if no one was willing to tell you that, then he would have to. He would have to take it upon himself to show you your true worth and break down the barriers you had built up around your heart, just as you had done with him. For a moment Bucky stopped caring if you realized how he really felt about you, it was a risk he was willing to take if it meant that he could give you back your confidence, support you in the same way you supported him.

"That's because Matt is an idiot who doesn't deserve you." Bucky said confidently even though his insides were fluttering with nerves. "He had the most wonderful woman in the world by his side and he let her go to chase after an ex. That's pathetic."

"You think I'm the most wonderful woman in the world?" you asked, lifting your head off his chest so you could look him in the eye. You spoke in a slightly playful tone, but you were really curious about the answer.

"Of course you are! There is not a doubt in my mind." Bucky assured you without hesitation. "You deserve to be appreciated for who you are. You deserve to be with someone who sees your beauty, but not only your physical beauty, the beauty of your soul as well. You deserve to be loved right. So fuck Matt! He's an idiot who couldn't see just how lucky he was to have you by his side."

As Bucky exposed his heart through his words, his eyes didn't leave yours not even for a second. He was afraid of what he might read in them, but at the same time he didn't know if he could keep hiding his feelings much longer. He was already confessing his love to you without saying it explicitly, so he might as well take advantage of it to evaluate your reaction and be rejected if that was what you really felt. It would hurt, but at least he would stop living in doubt. 

However, it was not rejection that he read in your eyes as the words escaped uncontrollably from his mouth. No, it was quite the opposite. Bucky noticed that special glow in your eyes, the one that only appeared from time to time and made him wonder if you had feelings for him. His heart began to beat fast because of his nerves, but also because of the rush of hope that invaded him.

"You really mean that?" you spoke, your voice almost a whisper. "Because I really want to kiss you now, but I don't know if I can go through all that again. So if you're lying, please tell me." Your eyes crystallized, tears quickly forming at the memory of the pain you had gone through after Matt. It broke Bucky's heart to see you in such a vulnerable state and he mentally cursed Matt for hurting you so much.

"I could never lie to you, doll." He assured you with sincerity in his voice before leaning forward and joining his lips with yours.

Take a journey through my heart, it's a test if fate

As we hold each other close our spirits gravitate

Let's drift into forever as our boundaries melt away

It was a slow, experimental kiss, but passionate nonetheless. Your lips moved together as your hands sought to cling to any part of each other's body they could find. Bucky cupped your face with his flesh hand, caressing your soft skin with his thumb as his brain made an effort to memorize every detail of that moment. He wanted to remember it all for the rest of his life, from the way your lips felt against his to the almost inperceptible sighs of pleasure you let out every time he sucked on your lower lip. He had waited so long for a chance to show you how he felt about you and he didn't intend to waste a single second of it.

Slowly Bucky felt you relaxing into the kiss, your lips moving more confidently against his as you let your hands creep up his chest until they found a place to rest on the back of his neck. He took the moment to deepen the kiss, your lips melding together in a real demonstration of how you felt about each other. You both could feel the little that was left of the walls you had built to protect your hearts finally crumbling, leaving you completely exposed to love. You used to think you would be terrified the day that happened. You thought that all the pain you had gone through with Matt would haunt you forever, preventing you from ever giving yourself body and soul to anyone else. But at that moment there was no place you felt safer than in Bucky's arms. You could feel his love coursing through your veins, your connection growing stronger with every movement of his lips. And somehow you knew you could trust him with your heart.

"Would you go on a date with me?" Bucky asked you when you pulled apart. His voice was barely a whisper as he rested his forehead on yours. "I want to take you out on a proper date."

"Are you saying that my cheap beers and pizza are not a good plan for a date?" You joked, putting a smile on Bucky's face.

"No, I'm saying you deserve to go on a date that didn't start with a bug terrorizing your apartment for once." You let out a chuckle, the sweet melody traveling through the air and into Bucky's ears, piercing straight into his joyfully beating heart. 

"Fair enough. I'll go on a date with you, but only on one condition." Bucky nodded, willing to do whatever you asked no matter how ridiculous just to have a chance to show you how special you were to him. "You have to promise me that you'll continue to take care of the bugs that terrorize my apartment."

This time it was Bucky's turn to let out a chuckle. "I wouldn't have it any other way." He assured you before bringing your lips back together in a kiss.

And as he let himself get lost in you once again, Bucky couldn't help but think how lucky he was to have crossed paths with someone as wonderful as you.

Baby, my life is yours, just open up the door

I can't believe I found you

[player-1]

While I'm hoping to get ch 1 and 2 up, that'll be a while though. Still I have some important bits that I want to explore:

-While the Nexomon series always followed the silent protag scheme, I kinda want to make Luke (N:E protag) a bit more reactive to what's going on around him besides a few plot beats that will go right past his head. I imagine he has more of a puppy-dog personality whenever he's comfortable or quirky and very protective about his friends when the going gets tough (it'll be more of a slow burn before The Realization but there will be plenty of hints sprinkled about). And even if I also consider Extinction's story as "a new legend retold through the generations", I also wanted to tone down how many people know Luke's name unless he tells it (ie. writes it down on a notebook) or Coco/Nora/Ross introduces him, nor does everyone magically knows sign language (besides Deena, Mentor/Ulrich, and Luke's friends/siblings).

-Besides being a stickler for default names/appearances, I wanted to mix up some aspects of the default avatar and the "alternate version" that seem pretty close to what the Omnicron fam have as a human disguise, namely the contrasting stripes of hair Luke would usually cover with his goggles. And another thing would be adding the little paw rings, star-like crest, and sharper teeth from Solus just because, and it will mostly culminate into Luke believing he has “birth defects” that make him the way he is and is pretty insecure about it (which seems harsh but Ulrich and family tries their best to give him more self-confidence).

-More! Family! Fluff!

Even if Deena ran the risk of getting hounded by the Drakes if she simply breathed in Luke's direction story-wise, she will do everything in her power to be there for him emotionally and teach him the in’s and out’s of the Guild (which is a task failed successfully on her part the second Luke figures out she knows sign (an automatic friend to him)). Even if the Primordial Tyrants are mostly meant to teach Luke how to control the Tyrant of Light, they'll have their own way of showing their praise to him (positive or not); not to mentioning sprinkling in some Metta mentions/“lore” since he’s the uncle none of them want to talk about but actively seethe over since he’s one of many factors for causing this whole mess in the first place. Ulrich would definitely be the tough but caring mentor/uncle/pseudo father-figure that he was forced to be cause of Deena that unfortunately stuck to him over the years and not-so-subtly being the favorite out of all the other kids (not that he wants to admit it outright). And of course, Luke's "siblings"/friends would have a stronger bond outside of living together in the Orphanage (Coco moreso out of "jokingly" being monsters (Luke with his muteness and other "defects" and Coco being Coco), even if the Guild slowly drives them apart with the Tyrant shenanigans.

-The normal Tyrants have the same storyline (besides a few changes), but the Abyssals will have more of an air of mystery to the main story; whether they confused the Guild about their enigmatic motives, why their bones are all out of whack compared to what they really look like, or the main culprit creating these monstrosities over a millennium and never getting caught. And since Deena, Keith (aka. Ghost of Nexomon Past), and Hilda were directly involved with Venefelis/Salem; I suppose they would have some doubts if she finally changed for good as well as having some guilt about Salem staying in undead limbo since the punishment doesn't fit the crime at this point (mostly told by Deena). So out of the goodness of his heart (and the Guild coincidentally being notified of the disturbance), Luke takes the chance to break the curse and bring her back to the physical world...And then the Abyssal storyline begins.

-And finally with Byeol the mystery "Tyrant", the cheeky little cherub deserves more recognition and potential to impact the larger story. For example, if Byeol is considered a regular Tyrant, how was he created since his Primordial Tyrant (ie. Metta) was supposed to be dead and there isn’t a Renegade fighting to make him the new King of Monsters? How wasn't he targeted by the Drakes or even mentioned by the other Renegades since the Guild somewhat know about Byeol but know nothing about his motives or said Renegade? And if all that Venefelis/Salem did was stay trapped in Pinewoods for 1,000 years, how did she know about the Spencer family vaults and have a key, have a Perfect Berry despite not being able to eat as a ghost, and knowing everything about where the Abyssals were buried and Precursor Mountain? It's almost like she had some kind of accomplice to help her learn about the outside world and indirectly allow her plan her future revenge plot...

Other than that, I'll consider getting asks up if anyone’s up to anything Nexomon related. I have more than enough energy to ramble until Nexomon 3 finally starts coming out of the woodwork.

[bloody-bunny-06]

wall of hands

As you walk in all you see is a dark room, destroyed, furniture ripped apart and the only thing that was left un-touched was a mirror covered with a thin, white, silk blanket and you decide to remove it. you gently grab the blanket and remove it quickly. and it begins a chuckle echoes through the room and you feel yourself falling, but you´re going nowhere. you standing still and the feeling gets stronger and you see a small, young man with short fluffly brown hair and a pink jacket. he stood there staring into the dark abyss, red hands are seen coming out of the darkness around him, covering him until he is gone.

you attempt to wake up but fail, again and again you try to wake up but nothing works. are you dreaming? is this a nightmare? and the most important question, is this nightmare even yours? the boy looked similar, but sadly you won´t be able to investigate any further. because you let him get taken by those hands. what a shame! you could´ve found out what about him felt so... special and familiar, but you do remember his eyes, oh how could you forget? those souless eyes felt like they belonged to a doll. infact, everything about him was hypnotizing, you´ve never seen him before but you feel like you have, his skin was smooth and clear, hair was so silky was the hands ran their fingers through them, lips soft and beautiful, he was perfect but felt so unreal. your eyes were wide open just when you remember who you are, you are him. he is you but better, he is perfect and beautiful and you are torn apart, cuts cover your whole body, no clothing can hide how disgusting you are. you are a monster. your skin feels like rubber and your hair is tangled and dirty. you eyes are red and your teeth are yellow. you control those hands, as you remember everything you feel the madness sink in, how about we see how beautfil he truly is? you rip his flesh apart, grabbing his thigh and ripping the flesh right off until there´s only bones left, as the other leg gets cut and twisted. nothing has changed. he is still just as perfect. if not even more perfect. it is horrifying. how even in this state he is just as adorable. as you watch in terror his screams of agony turn into laughter, his laughing gets louder as he stares at you without blinking once, he sounds arrogant and his eyes judge you. no, they judge how insecure you are and how you thought this would do anything. he knows. you will never be the real one, he is so sweet and innocent, everyone loves him, he is the very definition of perfection. and you are nothing. you stop as he is seen laying there. on a huge pool of blood, ripped apart once again and even with no limbs or remaining organs he is alive. you will never be able to kill him. you fall on your knees, crying and you stare down at him laying there right infront of you, his gruesome and mangled body staring right at you but now his gaze is softer, you have no clue of what this means, but it makes you more horrified of anything.

https://at.tumblr.com/bloody-bunny-guts/o/4wk6n61s2wb2

[yostresswritinggirl]

hello, recently i’ve been getting sexually harrased by old men on the internet because of my body. if you’re comfortable doing it, would you mind writing albedo comforting a reader who something similar happened to them? but please don’t describe it happening if you can

(was supposed to queue this for tomorrow but accidentally posted AGAIN but aight, early gift bbs)

Hey anon, first of all, I wanted to check if you're doing better after that ordeal? Have you talked to someone you trusted about this? Second, I hope you told those mean men off, they are truly disturbing and disgusting. I wish that after this, you'd still manage to be comfortable with yourself :((

Thinking about those kind of behaviour makes me gag and I hope that you'll find comfort someday and soon.

As for your request, I will make sure that there won't be any triggers in this answer. And so to avoid that this will be bulleted, I hope you can take your mind off with this fic!

White Lily

Albedo providing Comfort to Reader after an Unpleasant Encounter

Do you remember the meaning of White Lilies that Albedo endearingly associated you with?

Delicate, untainted, the Alchemist handled you like you were the finest dust of gold carefully drifting down the side of a beaker.

Besides wanting his White Lily for himself, Albedo acquired your heart to ensure your protection. To nurture you, bloom your brightest, watch your white petals glow in healthy conditions and prosper.

In his great care, the man almost IMMEDIATELY noticed how you wilt and appear so dim. Because to other people Albedo barely understands and cares for others, he pays attention to things he cares about the most and that includes you.

Albedo doesn't approach you immediately, as he was scared to worsen your mood even more with a wrong move.

His touches are minimal, aiming to guide you to the extra chair in his laboratory, and place around a soft wool blanket around you.

He'll stand a good distance away but still keeping the keenest eye on you as he watches for any signs of when your mood switches, either good or bad.

This gentleman will not invade your personal space during this time and it's up to you if you ask for cuddles or urge him to come closer. He really just doesn't want to hurt you any further.

He’ll indulge you like a mistress with a bell.

While in his company, he’ll provide you with things that will distract you, but in the Albedo Way™: he’ll turn on the burners so you can watch and listen to the bubbles the hopefully-harmless liquids produce, he’ll sketch beside you so you can get distracted by the sheer beauty of it; and your favorite: plucking a branch and giving it life in front of your eyes.

When it comes to physical comfort, Albedo usually has his hand and lips on your head. Why? It’s the safest route in his opinion.

He knows the importance of physical contact and how it comforts people, however he doesn’t master that thing.

If he gets really into it, he’ll softly nuzzle the crown of your head, softly stroking your hair while murmuring against it.

If you’re not ready to talk about it, that’s fine

But this genius and his aura has a way to coax out answers out of people. You’ll be leaning to his touch, “my beloved petal, together we’ll make sure you’re back to your usual blossom. I’ll always be here with you, and I will be sure to listen once you trust me enough,” and then suddenly you’re spilling your guts out to him.

The more you talk about the incident, his grip around you will be tighter, inching you closer to his chest with a protective grasp around you.

It’s like instinct: like he’s physically protecting you, pulling you away from the pain.

But also a way to make sure you don’t see the burning glare in those once soft, teal eyes.

Million paradigms stir in his mind as he continues to listen, and soon enough (even without uttering the person’s name), he’s already figured out who he needs to brea- confront.

“No matter what they say, darling, you are worth every inch of respect and innocent adoration. They are nothing but monsters, aimed to wreck havoc and haunt your mind. But know that you are more than just your body, you’re made of the most beautiful soul I have ever seen.

I will make sure that you live in a world free of insecurities, so that everyone would see you for who you truly are.”

C O M F Y HOURS

What??? Experiment? Cursed sword whomst?

Everything is off the table, full schedule suddenly as empty as the abyss as he asks if there’s something or somewhere you want to be other than his messy and crammed laboratory

Do you want to be away from people? You’re suddenly making your way to one of his camps outside of Mondstadt with a beautiful view

Do you want to be distracted more? Albedo’s an expert at keeping someone entertained and distracted because of Klee: he can teach you how to sketch, read a book to you (Legend of the Sword anyone?), heck he’ll even try to sing just to get you smiling again

All throughout the day, you’ll notice how reluctant or reeling he might be when it comes to touching you

Taking a split second of a pause before placing his hand on you, even if it’s the most innocent place he can put his hand on

He’ll tap his finger on your palm, before slowly wrapping it with his

Don’t get him wrong, he’s not just doing this because he thinks you’re uh ‘sensitive’

He just doesn’t want you to think of him the same as those guys; it would break his heart to make you uneasy, much more scaring you

Because he loves you not because of your physical properties but the warmth you provide to his cold soul

And that what makes you truly beautiful, White Lily

Bonus: He instigates Kaeya into hunting down those nasty humans, to the point that he bribes the Cavalry Captain with a proper self-portrait sketch just for this one occasion.

Writing this gave me such soft hours vibe hnghng- I hope that everyone feels safe and comforted anytime they need it. Somewhere out there you will find comfort. I hope you enjoy this, anon! And I hope you’re feeling much better now <33 sorry if this came out looking like a general comforting reader hc than the intended scenario ackkk

[aspoonofsugar]

Ironwood and Cinder: The Final Word

Cinder: And that’s… checkmate.

The Final Word of the volume is Cinder’s and it is meaningful she says it to Ironwood.

As a matter of fact Ironwood and Cinder are two sides of the same coin on many levels. This is conveyed also structurally.

Volume 7 is mostly about Ironwood’s tragic spiral. We are shown him struggle with his flaw throughout the whole volume, but in the end he loses to it and becomes just as dangerous as Salem:

Oscar: Then you're as dangerous as she is, James.

Not only does volume 8 close with Cinder instead, but it also opens with her:

And it even gives us her backstory:

Why does it happen? And why is Cinder’s final line so important when it comes to her foiling with Ironwood?

GRAVITY

It is not by chance that Watts calls both Ironwood and Cinder out before the climax of respectively volume 7 (Ironwood) and volume 8 (Cinder). This is because, as stated above, volume 7 is Ironwood’s volume, while volume 8 is Cinder’s. So they both are confronted with a truth about themselves and their reaction to it influences their stories in the Atlas arc.

In a sense, even if Watts is the one dangerously hanging over an abyss... it is actually Ironwood and Cinder who are on the brink. They are deciding Watts’s survival, but they are also deciding their own destiny.

They are choosing if to fall because of gravity or if to fly in the sky victorious.

At the same time, the two scenes with Watts show how Cinder and Ironwood are both similar and opposites.

AS ABOVE, SO BELOW

Ironwood and Cinder are nothing, but two products of Atlas’s society.

Ironwood was born at the very top:

Watts: You just stood atop it and called yourself a giant!

Cinder existed at the very bottom:

Watts: You think you're entitled to everything just because you've suffered, but suffering isn't enough! You can't just be strong, you have to be smart! You can't just be deserving, you have to be worthy! But all you have ever been, is a BLOODY MIGRAINE!

Watts is in the middle and he represents the worst traits of both.

He wants everything, just like Cinder:

Ironwood: I gave you everything you could have wanted!

But differently from Cinder it was no true he had nothing. He was successful, had food, clothes and respect. Still, he was never satisfied and ended up disgracing himself in the search of something more.

He also disregards feelings in favor of rationality, just like Ironwood:

Watts: Our tin soldier’s heart has cost him his mind.

And he sees people under him as inherently inferior:

Watts: Yes, yes, please keep your posse in check.

This is why his death is fitting:

Cinder: I merely added more flames to the fires of Atlas.

He burns with Atlas aka the city he wants to destroy, but also a symbol of who he is deep down.

What is more, his death happens specifically because he blindly follows his wishes:

Watts: Oh, believe me, this is everything I've ever wanted.

And because he is outsmarted and manipulated by Cinder:

Cinder: You deserve this, Arthur. We'll be back.

He is proud of his genius and rationality, but in the end he dies because of his feelings of pettiness.

In short, Watts, Cinder and Ironwood represent three social classes of Atlas and how the system corrupts people at every level. In general, all three want to be at the very top, but disreguard and mistreat the ones below.

-This is why Ironwood seeks control even in situations where he is not in charge, like the Vytal Festival. He also challenges Ozpin’s authority and leadership because he is not used not to be the one deciding. At the same time, he is shown ready to discard Mantle in multiple occasions.

-This is why Watts can call out Ironwood’s arrogance without seeing he is exactly the same as him.

-Finally, this is why Cinder lashes out at people she sees as Atlas elites (the Schnees, Ironwood, Watts), but treats those below her just like she was treated:

Emerald: We don't need him! Everything was going fine! (a slap is heard, and she cries out in pain)

Cinder: Do not mistake your place.

Mercury: Oh yeah? Tell that to--

Cinder: Quiet.

THE ENEMIES OF TRUST

Both Ironwood and Cinder’s left arms are artificial. Ironwood’s is mechanical, while Cinder’s is Grimm.

Their respective arms convey opposite approaches to things.

On a more general level, they are respectively linked to Creation (Ironwood’s mechanical arm) and to Destruction (Cinder’s Grimm arm). As a matter of fact a robotic arm is a human creation, while Grimms are nothing, but the symbol of destruction.

On a personal level, their arms hint at the two characters’ opposite personalities.

Ironwood’s arm can’t feel pain.

Cinder’s is instead linked to pain and feelings in different ways:

Raven: Aura can't protect your arm, it's Grimm.

Salem: You chose to disobey my specific instructions just to fail again.

Cinder: She’s back…

Cinder feels great pain whenever her Shadow Hand is cut because she can’t protect it with aura. At the same time, it is used by Salem to torture her. Finally, it links her to Salem to the point that she knows when her Master is back.

In other words, Cinder’s arm lets her feel more, while Ironwood’s lets him feel less.

This difference is mirrored by both the ways Ironwood and Cinder respectively attack Watts and by their semblances:

Ironwood’s Mettle lets Ironwood suppress his own feelings, so that he can pursue any objective, no matter how cruel or immoral it is. It makes him “superhuman”, but in a very negative sense.

Cinder’s Scorching Caress represents Cinder’s explosive emotions. It is a form of self-expression, which is both destructive and self-destructive.

Ironwood’s semblance is about repression, while Cinder’s is about lashing out.

Similarly, Ironwood goes after Watts at the cost of his arm and he ignores the pain he feels:

Watts: I wouldn't do that if I were you. I mean, unless you're hoping to add more metal to that body of yours.

Cinder instead goes after Watts to vent her anger:

Cinder: What do you mean, she'll destroy herself? How am I supposed to take her power if she's dead?!

Both are extremes and both are wrong, as Winter explains:

Winter: But yes Penny, we must still acknowledge our personal feelings, wrestle with them. It ensures us that we’re on the right path. It’s what makes us human.

Ironwood and Cinder should aknowledge their own feelings not to be consumed by them.  It is also the only way for them to truly be humans, not machines or monsters, but simply people.

Both characters almost succeed just before the climax of their respective volumes.

Ironwood tries to open up to others:

And Cinder shows vulnerability:

However, none of them is able to capitalize on this chance for development. This is ironically because of each other:

Cinder messes with Ironwood’s insecurities, while Ironwood’s ultimatum gives Cinder the perfect chance to ignore hers.

The result is that Ironwood goes back to control, while Cinder goes back to manipulation. Both do so because they are unable to trust.

Interestingly, they take after their respective mentors in this.

Ironwood takes after Ozpin:

Ironwood: Did you really think you were the only one who got to work on a new plan after Beacon? WIth Ozpin gone, I needed my own team of people I could trust.

Oscar: General? Earlier, you asked for my advice.

Ironwood: I wanted Ozpin's advice.

Oscar: And his advice probably would've been to keep your secrets.

Cinder takes after Salem:

Salem: When I chose you as my vessel for the Maidens, I put my trust in you. So, I trust that you wouldn’t possibly return to me empty-handed.

Ironwood’s whole struggle in volume 7 is his search for a “new approach”. He wants to be like Ozpin, but better. This is why he founds his own group, but wants to trust the world with the truth about Salem. However, he confuses trust with control.

Cinder instead wants to become just like Salem and suffers when she sees she is not. This is why she collects assets, just like her master. This is also why she does not trust anyone, but manipulates others.

That said, what is the difference between Ironwood’s control and Cinder’s manipulation? It has once again to do with feelings.

Ironwood’s attempt to manipulate others is about suppressing feelings. He uses Atlas’s military hierarchy and social structures to ask for his subordinates’ blind loyalty.

Cinder’s method to control people lies instead in making use of others’ feelings. She uses both wishes and fears to her advantage.

In short, control and manipulation are nothing, but the same inability to trust declined in opposite ways. They are both “enemies of trust”.

This is why both Ironwood and Cinder find a strong enemy and a foil in the character, who embodies friendship in these volumes:

Deep down, Ironwood and Cinder not trusting others is because they fear betrayal:

Cinder: I won’t have to run now.

Rhodes: That’s all you’ll ever do.

Ironwood: I've chased a lot of shadows over the years, always expecting betrayal. But never once did I think it would ever come from you.

However, Penny too is betrayed and mistreated by others:

Penny: I do not like it when friends fight.

Ruby: I know. Yang and I may not agree on how best to save Mantle but-

Penny: No. I mean Winter. The general. They were our friends. But then the Ace Ops attacked you. And the general, he said people were going to die, because of me.

 However, she does not give up on the ideal of a genuine bond:

Attached but not By strings

Still, if Penny is a positive foil to both Ironwood and Cinder, why does she die?

RISK

Weiss: Trust is a risk.  

Yang: Ruby, they’re not called sure things, they’re called risks.

These two lines taken together are why at the end of volume 8 Penny dies, our heroes fall and the manipulative Cinder wins.

It happens to show the main theme of the two Atlas volumes. Trust is not a “sure thing”. It is a risk and it does not always work. Still, it is necessary to trust as it is necessary to take risks:

Yang: You were being optimistic. Look, blind optimism isn’t great, but no optimism means we already lost. We need hope. We need to take risks.

Giving up on trust and risks means giving up on hope. It means to give in to fear.

Still, this does not mean your trust will always be paid back. And it does not mean that the risks you take will always work, even if you come up with a wonderful plan:

Cinder: I knew your plan would be bold, but I never could have predicted all of this...

Sometimes people will betray you:

Sometimes your risk will end up in a fall:

However, it is still worth to trust, even when you have no guarantee it will work:

And sometimes It is even worth to risk the fall because it may lead to people being saved:

This same idea is conveyed also through Penny’s final choice:

Penny: Trust me.

Winter: Thank you for trusting me with this.

Penny dies tragically, but she still manages to pass the Maiden’s power to a person she trusts.

This is especially meaningful because the Winter Maiden power, just like Penny herself, has been subjected to both control and manipulation.

Ironwood does all he can to make sure the power ends up to Winter. At the same time, he is the one most responsible for Penny feeling as nothing, but a robot:

Ironwood: As the official report stated, that footage was doctored. Penny is completely under my control.

Cinder tries to steal the power three times. She also manipulates Penny’s feelings towards her friends:

Cinder: I was hoping your friends would be here. But it looks like they left you to do all the work. You’re just a tool to be used!

In the end, Ironwood treating Penny as a machine (control) and Cinder using Penny’s love for her friends against her (manipulation) are among the psychological factors that lead Penny to be mortally wounded by Cinder.

Still, while dying Penny negates both Ironwood and Cinder and frees the power and herself from both control and manipulation.

The fact she chooses Winter works well to illustrate this.

Winter is the person Ironwood wants as the next Maiden. However, Winter becomes a Maiden not because of Ironwood’s control, but because of Penny’s trust:

Ironwood: So… the destiny I chose for you has arrived.

Winter: You chose nothing. This...was a gift.

Winter is a Schnee, so she represents both what Cinder hates and what she herself wants to be:

Cinder to Winter: You Atlas elites are all the same! You think hoarding power means you’ll have it forever, but it just makes the rest of us hungrier.

Winter is a symbol of Atlas and so she is a reminder to Cinder that Atlas is not really destroyed:

Robyn: What do you think a kingdom is? The people, or just the chunk of land they live on?

Just like Cinder’s past isn’t.

WORTHY

Cinder wants to be worthy. Ironwood wants to be a hero.

Deep down, Ironwood and Cinder want the same thing. They want to be above others. They want to be more than humans.

However, they go at it in opposite ways:

Ironwood: I have sacrificed everything!

Cinder: I want it all...

Ironwood thinks that victory lies in sacrificing everything, while Cinder sees it as taking it all.

These opposite viewpoints mirror their respective social stances.

Ironwood can say he wants to sacrifice everything because he has everything.

Cinder thinks happiness lies in everything because she has nothing:

Cinder: You’re right. Without you I am nothing. But because of you, I am everything.

In the end, Ironwood and Cinder are each other’s true enemies, but they fail to see it and lash out against the wrong people:

Ironwood and Cinder’s respective fight against Winter and Weiss is exactly this.

Ironwood fights a Maiden he sees as an enemy of Atlas, while another Maiden is attacking the people he swore to protect.

Cinder lashes out at Weiss because of her origins, while Weiss has decided to leave her status and money behind to make the right thing.

Still, Ironwood and Cinder are too hypocritical to see the truth. This is why they attack people, who could have helped them, if they were given the chance.

This is also why they receive a warning:

Winter: No, you have sacrificed everyone else!

Winter: You… are going to pay… for everything you’ve done!

Ironwood claims he is ready to sacrifice everything. However, he never sacrifices himself:

In the end, he is unable to sacrifice his life to fight Salem.

Let’s highlight he has nothing to lose by this point. He is falling with Atlas anyway. In his final moments, he is given the chance to prove true to his words:

I would die Without regret, I’d offer up my life With zero reservations I would fly Into the sun If that would keep our dream alive

Instead, he gives up. He has been shooting his allies until the very end, but freezes in front of his enemy.

Cinder thinks she is closer to her final victory, but in the end she has accomplished nothing of what she truly wants.

She wants to kill RWBY, but they are alive. She wants the Maiden powers, but she fails.

At the same time, Cinder is still far away from what she truly needs:

Cinder: You have everything you need?

Watts: Oh, believe me, this is everything I've ever wanted.

She is given a perfect mirror of herself in Watts. Still, instead of seeing it, Cinder uses his flaw, which is her same flaw, to kill him. Watts’ wants lead to his death and the same thing might happen to Cinder if she does not stop herself in time.

Finally, there is this:

Salem: This game is not yours to win, Cinder, it’s mine. Just because you’re more valuable to me than a pawn, does not make you a player. Everything is already in motion. All you need concern yourself with is your ability to act when I tell you to.

Ironwood and Cinder share a chess motif.

Ironwood thinks of himself as a player and specifically as Salem’s opponent.

Cinder is instead told she is no player.

However, in the end, Ironwood becomes a mere pawn to the point that all Watts has to do is to open his cell to be sure he is going to unwillingly aid in Cinder’s plan.

What is more, he is so fixated on Salem that he fails to aknowledge the people below him. This is why his true opponent is a slave that Atlas exploited.

Cinder frames herself as a player instead. She is the one who truly makes the first move against Ironwood and ultimately she is the one who defeats both him and our protagonists. Finally, she is the one who calls checkmate.

Still, is she really playing her own game?

In the end, the one who gets what she wants is not Cinder, but Salem:

And all she has to do to obtain it is one small move:

Salem: And I’ve realized, it’s all my fault. You’ve fought your whole life unwaveringly for what you want and here I am holding you back instead of lifting you up.

While Cinder is once again letting her talent be exploited by those above her. She is choosing to be Salem’s Queen instead than a player of her own life.

She is the Black Queen defeating the White King, but nothing more.

[daydream-believin]

MERLIN’S APPRENTICE & MERLIN’S CHAMPION || trollhunters

warnings: swearing

a/n: if rott gave me anything it gave me this idea

I KNOW I SAID “JUICY” BUT REALLY THAT WAS JUST THE ANGST POTENTIAL,, THAT IM NOT INDULGING IN THIS POST IM SORRY LMAO

OKAY WHAT IM REALLY TALKING BOUT HERE IS A GOOD MERLIN/ARTHUR BUT IT ACTUALLY WORKS

no sorry i haven’t seen bbc merlin don’t come for me i’m ignorant

OKAY SO

we know douxie kept an eye on the human trollhunter and co

but douxie’s really having a hard time convincing himself he’s just doing his job

he’s actually enjoying this a little too much despite how boring staying in the shadows is

and he’s kinda worried?

so he’s got this bright idea: you know what would better help him keeps tabs? if he befriends this person

and so he does

fuck merlin’s shadows

sod the rules

ofc he’s very up front about knowing they’re the trollhunter and that he’s merlin’s apprentice

we wouldn’t want that to become a huge festering secret that eats douxie from the inside out until the inevitable reveal when merlin calls them both to help with the arcane order and they realize they’ve both been lying to each other’s faces for months/years and neither of them know if they could ever trust the other again, right? — phew *catches breath*

but before you know it, mr. casperan and mx. trollhunter are best friends

he’s basically the toby to your jim

and you’re very happy to have a best friend like douxie

he understands that monster hunting hustle

he’s the only person you can vent to and actually talk about what’s going on without sounding like a loon

and douxie likes being able to tell someone all his frustrations with merlin, since you’re also in that boat with him

you spar sometimes. it’s fun, but you’re very careful not to accidentally hurt your friend (he’s extremely careful not to hurt you or wound your ego by effortlessly wiping you out)

ofc, there’s the occasional, brushing of hands, faces a little too close together, accidentally winding up on top of one another, purposefully winding up on top of one another 👀 you know how sparring be

you and douxie are a duo. a duo who have become trollmarket’s resident troublemakers, to vendel’s exasperation

you guys tease each other a lot

you do a lot of stupid shit, cause hey, now you have magic armor and a magic sword and a magic best friend, did you think you wouldn’t get up to some shenanigans?

douxie is your impulse control and he’s not a very good one, as he’s just as bad

truthfully archie has the brain cell

and pranks? gods the pranks. you two are always either pranking each other or you’re teaming up to prank some other troll who said smth mean to you in the pub. vendel had to personally put a stop to it (read: chew you out)

doux thinks the world of you tho, you’re such a noble knight, and likes to tell people about how you’re a cinnamon roll, so innocent, so pure

and then they meet you and you directly contradict those statements

trollhunter: i’ve never done anything wrong in my life, ever

douxie: i know this and i love you

(spoiler: you’ve done lots and lots of wrong)

doux spends an awful lot of time slinking around trollmarket now, and he’s in the know for everything that’s happening

(no more being kept in the dark for this wizard apprentice)

and doux knows merlin won’t completely approve of this, but hey, it’s not like he’s helping and thus directly disobeying

really, he’s not helping you at all, it’s really fucking annoying

okay so mayyybe the occasional healing spell. you’ve got those puppy dog eyes he can’t say no to

but you understand his sense of duty, or whatever it is that drives a follower, technically being a follower of merlin yourself

you respect the old geezer (as you have not been turned into a half-troll yet) as a wise mythical figure, and as your best friend’s father

and what a perfect match you are for each other, champion and apprentice, mutually being screwed over by a guy you both think has all the answers

you and douxie help each other grow in your self-worths, that you two are more than the chances merlin has given to you

unfortunately, mortifyingly, you have caught feelings.

douxie has also caught feelings, and is saying nothing yep you have enough on your plate without him putting this on you so he’ll just quietly pine and suffer don’t mind him choking to death in the corner when you take off your helmet and throw back your hair

y’all’s problem really starts manifesting itself as protectiveness. you are really protective of your wizard and he is really protective of his knight

lots of things said that are Not What Friends Say but neither of you really want to be the one to point that out

lots and lots of i love yous that slowly get more and more serious until it’s not exactly platonic anymore

and it’s just really nice to have someone to get coffee (or your favored hot drink) with at four in the morning after a tussle with a troll

and that’s basically how you and douxie spend the bulk of trollhunters, just vibing

as much as you can vibe, with all the changelings and shit trying to murder you all the time

then merlin wakes up and shakes up your world

you are aware of your impending doom

you’re aware of it

merlin keeps looking you up and down like he’s mentally making up the measurements of your coffin

and tbh the idea of fighting gunmar freaks you tf out

and you’re supposed to win that fight?

gods

you’re preparing for your nightmares coming true soon

truthfully you knew your fucking job had a 100% mortality rate

you don’t want to die with regrets

so

you spill

you spill all the things you’d wanted to tell him and how much he means to you and that you couldn’t bear it if you were a goner before he knew

miraculously, douxie feels the same and tells you all the things he’d been holding back and and what you mean to him and how much he wants to protect you, that you’re gonna make it, if he had anything to say about it

and everything is perfect for one night

now you have a real reason to win

not that saving humanity isn’t a big responsibility on your shoulders and definitely A Reason

but knowing douxie’s waiting for you, for the life you’ll build together after this, the peace you’ll both have, it’s absolutely a big motivation to give your all and come out victorious and survive

hahaha loser you don’t know about the arcane order

and then merlin uses your microwave to cook a weird potion

you and merlin are alone in the house, but there’s no real mind games necessary. you may have grown past thinking he was a god, but in the end, you’re still a follower of merlin, and if merlin thinks this could give you an edge, well, who are you to question his methods

doesn’t mean you aren’t nervous as your master hands you the bottle

yet you don’t even hesitate to drown yourself in the black abyss of the tub

whatever it takes amirite?

and now you’re a half-troll

a sexy half-troll, if you do say so yourself

yeah, no ‘i’m a monster’ angst here, you’re loving the power-up

you’ve got to treat it like a cool new power-up or you will cry actually tbh i lied about the no-angst thing a new body is disorienting

your only real concern is douxie

not concerned for long tho, he sees you and the first thing out of his mouth is “nuclear!”

and he senses your concern, so he does go out of his way to assure you that boy, girl, enby, or half-troll, he loves you for your soul, darling

also again half-troll! you is hot as hell so he’s not really losing anything here 👀

he makes sure you know that too, not to let any insecurities fester

him raking his eyes up and down you gives the opposite effect of the dread merlin sent down your spine doing it

anyways,,,

doux helps out a lot more in the eternal night

like helps merlin re-defeat and re-seal morgana

he’ll do it again in few weeks but with a bigger role you know, this is practice

thank merlin for that edge YOU ARE THE LAST TROLLHUNTER YOU ARE VICTORIOUS YOUVE GOT GUNMARS HEAD IN YOUR HANDS HAHAHA

but now you’ve got to go to new jersey

douxie’s been instructed to stay in arcadia tho 🥺

it’s okay, you’ll see each other again soon

sooner than you realize

and until then you talk each other to sleep every night over the phone <3

merlins glad, actually. he’s glad hisirdoux found some solace. even if it is with the lamb he was raising for the slaughter. maybe things will go okay for them. the time map suggests it might be so

hisirdoux may have done things in a way he didn’t quite approve of, but that’s because he’s becoming his own wizard, and merlin is proud

[that-foul-legacy-lover]

Hello ! First, I hope you had a good day and nice sleep and your vortex vanquisher looks amazing ^-^

Then I had another thought with foul legacy and seelie (also i love your little scenario its so cute)

So yeah you're helping foul legacy to (re?) learn how to speak and maybe write, and he secretly practice to say stuff like ''i love you'', ''thank you for being with me'', ''you're beautiful'' and some others cute sentences like that in front of the seelie because hes too shy to say it directly to you. And one day you come home and hear seelie squeaks from FL room so you go see and now hes embarassed but manage to say these sweet words to you! If he can write ig you can also expect the seelie to bring you FL letters (idk if it can be called letter but piece of paper with compliments on it haha) randomly while hes hiding in his room because baby is embarassed

I hope its clear enough ^^'

ohhhh my moon and stars this is soso cute i love this

Foul Legacy is still very insecure about how different his voice is now, how it's gone from strong and charming to low and growling- he's scared he'll sound like he's threatening you, so he practices over and over with the seelie floating and cheering him on via little cheeps. he wasn't planning for you to find out so quickly, it's just that you happened to come home earlier that day and walked in when he was practicing!! Foul Legacy was mortified when you seemingly appeared out of nowhere and asked what he was doing, burying his face in his hands and letting out embarrassed little squeaks

eventually he manages to muster up the courage enough to clasp your hands with his claws and mumble all the things he's been desperate to say since he fell in love with you. Foul Legacy blushes at the surprise in your eyes, turning away as his words trail off into flustered chittering, until you press your palm to his face and tilt his head to look at you, smiling wider than he's ever seen

the seelie chirps in satisfaction, twirling in the air as Foul Legacy hides his face in your hair, unable to conceal the delighted purrs that emit from his chest when you repeat his words back to him, putting as much love and care as possible into loving your Abyssal moth monster. maybe one day, when he has enough confidence, he'll show you the papers he practices writing on, the ones full of ramblings about everything he loves about you- but not yet. just holding you is enough right now

the next day, you find a piece of paper on your desk. the handwriting is slightly crooked, but still legible, and your cheeks warm as you read countless declarations of love from Foul Legacy. meanwhile, the seelie happily spins in midair, squeaking in mischievous joy

[flowercrown-bard]

A new us will begin (interlude)

the loveliest @thingr2 asked for Dandy’s pov of what happens between chapter eight and nine (thanks for letting me procrastinate a little longer by writing things like this instead ;) )

I’m not sure if there are spoilers for the rest of the fic in this and this is unedited

word count: 4k

Tw: mention of past major character death, blood

„We have to turn back!“ Dandy shouted. One cry in a row of a hundred others. The whole ride through he had pleaded, cried, begged for Mika to just turn around. “Geralt is still back there. Mika, please!”

His pleas fell on death ears. Or perhaps Mika did answer. At first, they had tried to sooth Dandy, reassuring them with soft words like a mother would a child when the child was scared of a monster. But Dandy wasn’t a child anymore. And not all monsters were figments of children’s imagination. Some children died fleeing monsters. Some mothers did too.

And yet Mika kept fleeing. They all did. Whether they were still trying to calm Dandy or if they had given up by now, Dandy wouldn’t be able to tell. His blood rushed too loudly in his ears and the hoof drums sounded like thunder; the merciless rhythm of a battle song, getting louder with each beat that carried him further from Geralt, the horse’s panting creating the skincrawling harmonies.

And above all was Dandy’s own voice, a terrible solo in dissonance with the rest of the music.

“Geralt!” There were no more words left. Dandy had written a play. In his most private moments, he had even tried his hand at poetry. His words had brought audience members to tears and made his friends laugh. Now, though there was nothing. No poetry, no artful prose. Just the name of the man who might never say Dandy’s name again.

Dandy wished he could do more than scream that name. He wished he could jump off the horse, run back and safe Geralt from whatever he was facing, all alone and not knowing if the troupe would come back for him. They needed to come back for him!

But Dandy might as well have been chained to the horse. Even if he somehow got down to feel solid ground beneath his feet, he would have no way of telling where he was or where he should be going. All he could do was cling onto Mika’s arms around him and pray he didn’t fall off.

Finally, after what felt like an eternity – even a couple of minutes could have been too long, could have been enough to let Geralt die all alone – he felt the horse slow beneath him. He was jostled worse than before when Roach went from a gallop to a trod, until eventually, her movements got smoother and halted completely.

There was clanging and muttered words of relief as the others dismounted. Dandy was forced to remain on top of Roach until someone tapped his leg and told him to slowly dismount.

Strong arms caught him, guiding him down until his feet reached the ground. It wasn’t the arms he had secretly hoped he would feel. Dandy knew it was impossible, but a foolish part of him had hoped that Geralt had somehow seen reason, that he had followed them and was safe with them now.

But the arms holding them felt different. The voice reassuring him that he was fine wasn’t deep or raspy enough. It was loving, but it lacked that special undertone that always tinged Geralt’s voice and made Dandy’s heart beat faster.

Now, his heart only raced with fear.

“Geralt.” His voice was but a breath. “Where is he?”

The silence that followed was answer enough. No one knew. No one had dared slow down their flight enough to see if Geralt needed help.

“He’s a witcher,” the person holding him finally said. “He’ll be fine. He came with us to protect us and that’s what he’s doing.”

“No he didn’t!” Dandy was taken aback himself by the unexpected sharpness of his voice. “He didn’t. He is with us, because I asked him to come. I am the reason why he’s in danger, because I was too selfish to leave without at least trying to keep him close. And now he might die-“ His voice cracked and his eyes began to burn. “And he will be all alone. I can’t let him be alone! I have to go back, I have to be with him-“

“Dandy!” The hands holding his upper arms tightened and the sharp tone brought his spiralling thoughts to a grinding halt. “You have to calm down. We won’t just abandon Geralt. He’s one of us. You know we don’t just abandon family.”

Dumbly Dandy nodded. The gesture felt empty, like a mask he was putting on, but there was a familiarity to it. Remembering how to react with his expressions and gestures was just enough of a distraction to stop him from going back to crashing into the abyss of terror and anger.

“I know,” he said quietly. “I know. But he’s – “

“Nadine is getting help,” the person reassured him. “We’re outside a town. Nadine is talking to the alderman as we speak. All we can do is wait now for help to arrive.”

Waiting. Again. It seemed that was all Dandy could do. In his mind, he spun an impossible future, in which he swung himself onto Roach, kidnapped her and rode off to find Geralt. He found himself mentally going through all kinds of stiches and potions that might help a wounded witcher. He already dreamed about dragging Geralt back to an inn room and taking care of him until he could be sure Geralt would survive.

Rationally, he knew that those fantasies were nothing more than that: Cruel dreams that taunted him with how unachievable they were. Dandy couldn’t climb on top of a horse again. All he could do now was pull away from the person holding him - just enough to take a few steps, but still touching them for orientation- and clinging to Roach’s neck instead, her warm breath huffing against his neck and her hooves stomping nervously. It probably wasn’t the best idea to be so close to an unsettled horse, but for some reason, being near Roach was a bigger comfort than listening to his troupe’s words as they tried to comfort him. Geralt always smelled of Roach. Being so close to her, he could nearly imagine what it would smell like, if Roach’s scent was mixed with the smoke of a campfire and the heavy scent of pines.

Imaginings. That was all Dandy had now, wasn’t it? Imagining Geralt was alight. Imagining Dandy could somehow help him.

No one in their right mind would let Dandy sew up a wound and he didn’t even know if witchers truly took potions. Geralt had never talked about any such thing and neither had Dandy’s tutor ever mentioned potions – and she had made sure that he knew plenty of witchers, Geralt of Rivia especially. She would have told him if Geralt needed potions, wouldn’t she?

But Dandy could do nothing. His whole being was filled with one single thought, one unbending need: To get back to Geralt. To be with him. To make sure he wasn’t alone.

Geralt didn’t deserve to live alone. He didn’t deserve to die alone either.

By the time voices drew nearer and people were shouting about getting gallons of water onto a wagon, Dandy almost felt numb, his fantasies about how life could be no longer sustaining him.

It was only when he heard the squeaking of too slow wagons rolling away, when he snapped back to full alertness.

“Nadine!” he shouted without thinking. He had no way of knowing if she was anywhere close enough to be able to hear him, but she was probably leading the helpful townsfolk. And she would never ignore one of her family if they needed her. She hadn’t ignored him when he had still been a boy, barely deserving to be called a young man, insecure and uncertain if he’d ever be able to find his own footing. Back then, she hadn’t hesitated to give him a place in her family and not once had she let him down when he had needed her. “Nadine, take me with you! I need to go back to him!”

Painfully tense seconds passed in which no one responded. The shuffling, squeaking, shouting continued and Dandy was left as he was, feeling like he was alone standing on a rock in the sea while a storm raged around him. He couldn’t tell when the first wave was going to crash into him and drag him under.

Heavy steps came closer and a hand tugged at his sleeves. “It’s me, Kara.”

Dandy tensed. “Kara, please –“

She didn’t let him finish. “Mika’s helping getting the water on the wagons and Nadine is making sure the rest are unharmed.”

“I can help. I swear I’m not useless. I can help with Geralt –“

“Doesn’t matter,” Kara said firmly. “I don’t care if you’re useless or the most useful person in the world. Geralt is important to you and you’re important to all of us, so I’ll be damned if I don’t take you with me.”

The pressure that had steadily been building behind Dandy’s eyes finally became too much. Tears welled over, rolling down his cheeks as his shoulders shook with sobs. There had been no wave crashing into him. Dandy had been the one to crash. Now, he would drag himself back on land and he would make sure Geralt would emerge from the sea-tossed storm with him.

He let Kara hoist him on top of Roach again and felt her saddle up behind him. She called out to someone else – Jasof, Iva, Marin. The stagehands; the strongest of the troupe.

Dandy assumed they were riding with them, as Kara clucked her tongue and spurned Roach on once more.

Impossibly, the way back felt even longer than it had taken them to get to the town. But this time, Dandy could tell they were getting close, even before the horses slowed.

There was crackling in the air, roaring, hissing. A wave of heat hit him in the face. Immediately, his eyes teared up again and he had to squeeze his eyes shut to keep out the burning sensation. It didn’t work. The overpowering stench of smoke filled his lungs, choking him, drowning him.

“Geralt,” he wheezed.

Kara’s let out a noise that probably was supposed to sound soothing, but the tremble in her body that was pressed against Dandy’s proved her act a lie.

“Stay here,” Kara commanded once she had dismounted and helped Dandy down again.

Dandy did as he was bid, fisting his hand into Roach’s mane. It was all he could do.

He felt painfully naked without his cane and when Kara stepped away from him, he had no way of orienting himself, no hope of knowing if he’d be any help or put them all in even more danger if he were to move.

A new wave of smoke rattled his lungs and his whole body shook with his coughs. Roach grew more and more agitated by the second, neighing and stomping her hooves.

“Where is he?”

The shout startled Dandy out of his frozen panic.

“I can’t find him. I – there’s blood.”

No. No!

Before Dandy could think twice about what he was doing, he pushed himself away from Roach and took an uncertain step. His heart was racing in his chest, all instincts telling him to turn back, to cling to Roach, to stay where he was! He didn’t know where he was going. He might be walking straight into danger and he’d be nonethewiser.

Snow crunched beneath his feet. The fire roared to his right. Roach huffed to his left. And his friends shouted helplessly for Geralt all around him.

The cacophony of noise made him even more disoriented. Where was he? Was he even anywhere close to Geralt?

He didn’t know. And yet his feel carried him forwards, shuffling, slow and careful. One miniscule step at the time, his hands stretched out before him. He wished he had his cane with him. He wished he knew where anything was. He wished Geralt was here to gently guide him.

But he was alone.

And yet…

There was something compelling him to move. I need to find him. I need to get back to him. I can’t leave him alone!

The words repeated over and over in his mind like a mantra, like they were the essence of that his soul was made up of. Just the need to get back to find Geralt. In this moment, his entire life was directed towards that one goal and for some reason he couldn��t explain, he knew with an unnatural certainty that he could fulfil his wish. He could find Geralt. He always would.

His foot caught on something. He staggered and fell forward, catching the fall with his hands. They met something solid. Wood. It splintered and dug into his hand, but it was unmistakable nonetheless.

It wasn’t enough to orient himself or give him any clue about why a wagon seemed to be so close to the ground, but it was a start. He trailed his hands over the wood, following the edge, crawling along the line of the destroyed wagon.

Until finally, his hands found something other than wood. It was soft, warm, and moving shallowly with weak breaths.

“Geralt,” he whispered, his voice breaking with hope he didn’t dare to latch onto. His throat went tight. It was him. It had to be him!

Dandy’s hands roamed over every inch of him he could find. His fingers found cold metal and closed around it instinctively. Round, with bumps in the middle. Geralt’s medallion. It was vibrating, pulsing in time with Dandy’s heartbeat.

His hands wandered lower and met something wet and sticky.

His stomach twisted and his blood felt cold as the snow that was soaking him where he kneeled on the ground.

“Kara!” he shouted over the roaring of the fire. “He’s here! I found him! He needs help!”

His voice was raw, shrill with fear.

He heard people running towards him, felt a pair of hands pulling him away, holding him tight. He couldn’t tell if the person holding him wanted to make sure he knew where he was or if they wanted to make sure that he stayed where he was. Holding him or holding him back.

It felt like the latter.

Dandy focussed all his senses on Geralt. He heard groans, pants and splintering. The others must be lifting the wood off of Geralt. They were the strongest of the troupe. They had to be strong enough for this…right?

After another helpless eternity, the world around Dandy grew louder. More shouts. The squealing of a wooden wagon. Splashing and hissing as water met fire.

The townsfolk must have arrived and they must be extinguishing the fire. And yet no one was hastening to Geralt.

“A healer!” He heard someone cry. “We have an injured person!”

“He’s dead,” came the reply that made Dandy’s hands clench on his thighs and made him strain against the hold. “No one can survive being crushed under a wagon.”

“He can!” Dandy shouted. The arms around him tightened. “He’s a witcher! He can survive more than that. He got swallowed by a selkimore and survived. He made it through the war with Nilfgaard. He is the only witcher who survived extra trials!”

He didn’t know how much of that was even true. Maybe it was something his tutor had told him about or maybe it was just something his panicked mind was making up, trying to convince him that he wasn’t about to lose Geralt.

The shouting stopped.

“A witcher?” There was something in that unfamiliar voice. Something terrible. Cold fury. Hot, burning hatred.  “You didn’t tell us we were helping a witcher.”

“I didn’t think it necessary,” Nadine said in that tone she used when the actors messed around too much during rehearsals. “He needs help and we are –“

“We’re not helping mutants,” the stranger spat.

The sound of movement fluttered around Dandy.

“What are you talking about?” Dandy tried to pull himself free. Maybe it was better that Kara was stronger than him. It wouldn’t have ended well for him if he had freed himself. “He is a good man! He saved us and he has been saving people for a century!”

“Let him save himself then.” Dandy could practically hear the sneer in the stranger’s voice. “Or better yet, let him die.”

“How dare you, you worthless son of a –“

Quick steps approaching, Kara and Nadine shouting in tandem and then a smack in his face that flung his head to the side.

He let out a sharp cry, more out of shock than pain. Somewhere in the back of his mind, he could feel Kara shift their positions, bringing herself between Dandy and the man who had hit him.

The stranger didn’t let that deter him.

“Listen here, you bastard,” the man hissed in a low voice that sent shivers down Dandy’s spine. “My town won’t help mutants like him. We are leaving. You’re lucky we don’t burn down the rest of your wagons for tricking us.” Snow crunched, as he got even closer. Dandy could feel Kara tense. “You can be lucky you’re still alive. Someone like you…breakable, gullible, expendable. Of course you’d feel kinship with someone else who’s just as unwanted as you. But you should let him die. Or else you’ll be the one to die. Maybe not today, but sooner or later, he’ll be the cause of your death and when that day comes remember that I warned you.”

“That’s enough-“ Nadine’s voice cut through the air like a knife. “Leave him alone. I appreciate that you helped with the fire, but I won’t let you talk to Dandy like-“

“I don’t care.” Dandy said, a fire coming to life in his chest, growing stronger with each word the man had spoken. “I don’t care what you say, Sir. If I had to, I would stand between Geralt and the likes of you any time. I will defend him as long as there is breath in my lungs to speak and tell people like you that you are wrong.”

For a tense moment, there was only silence. Then finally, the man huffed and retreated, the other people that had followed him here to fight the fire, following him once again.

Dandy should have felt triumph at having had the last word, but all he had was a coldness and heaviness spreading through his limbs.

He hadn’t known – Geralt had told him that not all people liked witchers. He had warned him. But Dandy hadn’t realised that this dislike, this unreasonable hatred went so deep that people would leave Geralt to die.

When Geralt had told Dandy that he was hated, he had meant for it to warn Dandy to stay away from him. All it did now, was solidify what Dandy had already known: That he would stand by Geralt, stand between him and the world if he had to and stay there until no one doubted that Geralt was worth defending – even if Geralt himself was one of the people Dandy had to convince of that.

He stood to the side, leaning against Kara, until someone pressed his cane into his hand. The familiar weight made him let out a dry sob. It was too much. It was all too much. And he was doing too little.

He could do nothing but listen as the others carried Geralt into one of the wagons, only moving to say that they could put him in Dandy’s wagon. He heard Clarisse say that stitching up wounds was nothing like sewing costumes, but she would still try everything in her power to treat Geralt’s wounds.

As Dandy waited, something nudged his shoulder from behind. Warm breath ghosted over his neck.

“Roach,” he said without thinking about it twice or asking anyone if he assumed correctly. A weak smile stretched his lips as he caressed her nose. “He’s going to be fine. I promise, he will be alright.”

He wished he could believe it himself.

Later, when he was finally allowed to go into his wagon and see to Geralt himself, he sat down on the bed heavily. His hands twitched at his sides, before finally, he reached out, finding Geralt’s hair and running through it in a soothing motion. He didn’t know if he was trying to calm Geralt or himself.

Once he started touching him, he couldn’t stop. He couldn’t be apart from him again. Not now, not after being left unknowing for so long whether Geralt would live or die.

“Geralt,” he whispered, leaning closer until he could feel Geralt’s breath ghosting across his face. “Geralt, can you hear me?”

No reply. Dandy pressed his free hand against Geralt’s chest, feeling the slow rise and fall of his chest, tracing the medallion that hummed at his touch. His fingers tapped a rhythm onto it. A melody was at the tip of his tongue, but couldn’t fully form. He wished he could sing for Geralt now. He wished he could do anything to make sure Geralt would stay with him forever.

“Don’t leave me, Geralt,” he whispered and meant more than such simple words could say. “Don’t ever go. I can’t lose you. Don’t make me lose you.” His words came from deep inside his soul and yet, they somehow felt like someone else’s words, like an echo of something he had heard before.

Geralt was still out. But he would survive. He had to. But in case he didn’t…

“I love you, Geralt.” He tilted his head forward, his lips meeting a scarred cheek. His fingers came up caressing the scar as if it could take away the pain that had caused it.

He wished Geralt could somehow feel his touch and know that he wasn’t alone.

“J’skr.”

Dandy’s whole body tensed when Geralt let out the garbed sound.

“Geralt?” he urged him.

Geralt let out a long sigh and beneath his fingers, Dandy could feel Geralt’s face stretch into a faint smile.

“Jaskier…” Even in his sleep and with the pain that must still be racing through Geralt’s body, his voice sounded unbearably warm and fond.

“I’m here,” Dandy said, caressing his cheek. “I’m-“

He froze. It hadn’t been his name. Jaskier. For a brief, beautiful moment he had been so sure Geralt had spoken his own name.

Bitterness welled up in Dandy. Of course he had been foolish enough to think such a thing. How could he not imagine Geralt saying his name in that tone? It had been what he had dreamed about for months. Sometimes he had even let himself think he could have this, could have Geralt.

But now…

He gave a weak smile. A mask. An act.

“It’s alright,” he whispered. “You’re not alone.”

But Jaskier wasn’t here. Geralt was calling out for someone who didn’t sit by his bedside, who couldn’t stroke Geralt’s hair, who couldn’t coax him back to wakefulness. All Geralt had was Dandy.

“I’m sorry,” he said. “I wish I could be more.”

He swallowed, starting to pull his hand away, when Geralt started mumbling again. Dandy had to strain his ear to understand what he was saying.

“Love you…Jaskier.”

Dandy squeezed his eyes shut. He had known. Long before now. The way Geralt sometimes spoke about his friend, never even mentioning his name out of the pain it would bring. Of course Dandy had known that Geralt loved his friend, his Jaskier.

It was different hearing him say it like this.

What was even worse, was what followed the next hours. Dandy didn’t leave Geralt’s side for a single moment. He spoke to him softly, caressed his hair in comfort and held his hand. Above all, he let his own heart break, listening to Geralt cry out for Jaskier, begging his long lost love not to leave him, to come back to him, to live again.

He listened to Geralt live through Jaskier’s death again.

“I wish you didn’t have to go through that,” Dandy said softly, his voice thick with all the tears that had already dried up. “I wish you never have to go through that again.”

Maybe if he wished hard enough, it would come true. But even a dreamer like him knew that wishes spoken aloud were nothing but wasted breath. For now, Dandy could do nothing but listen to Geralt relive a nightmare and know that no amount of wishing would bring Jaskier back or undo what had already happened.

[godkilller]

@shirenui144

A more sombre question, but had me wondering... Has Gin ever cried / what would it take to make him cry? I imagine it would be verse dependent, but could a man this guarded ever visibly show such emotional hurt?

          out of character.  Why must you hurt me.

          But it’s an excellent question, and as you say too -- Gin has become such a guarded, numbed, and twisted man. He has, for lack of better wording, killed off that part of himself long ago. He is also one of the topmost guarded characters in Bleach, even Ichigo’s little trick of ‘reading his opponent’s heart’ during battle did not work on Gin. Gin was empty. Gin wasn’t even ‘looking at Ichigo’ with his heart when fighting. They did not reach each other. Gin is so utterly closed off from others and himself that there’s an eerie absence of self present in him, a swallowing abyss, intimidating and oppressive. Gin has also spent his entire existence isolated, he joined Aizen extremely young and thus his centuries-long otherness began. He cannot show emotions akin to Toshiro, who is often used in ways alongside Gin to show what happens if one shows emotions and weakness to Aizen Sousuke via childhood friends. Renji and Rukia, too, are used in ways that contrast Gin and Rangiku subtly in the background. Gin’s interactions with Rukia about Renji, and his interactions with Toshiro about Momo are to make Gin more of an other. He is removed, unlike them.

          So Gin does not despair openly like they do. He doesn’t shout or cry for the audience to see. He’s a villainous cold-hearted bastard.

          This is on top of the potent sense of cultural toxic masculinity and military way of avoiding / “dealing with” emotionally charged moments, not speaking of trauma, and the whole nine yards of suppression which channels into self-worth issues and a tendency for violence. Most characters in Bleach, and especially male characters, aren’t allowed to really stop and think about what they’re feeling, doing -- Ichigo being able to do a decent amount of that, yes, with his protagonist badge, but even then ?  It’s pathetically insufficient, barely a taste of what Ichigo actually should be experiencing, and no other characters are allowed to mourn losses or suffer long-lasting consequences for their actions, for injuries, for mistakes, for harmful words or acts. It’s an action / fighting series, the audience is here for big flashy swordfights and cool abilities, not emotions. Certainly not darker topics of PTSD and the like.

          You can slice it any which way, but Gin grew up as a child soldier. It can be contrasted by the fact that the majority of the Gotei 13 / Shinigami characters are shown, in flashbacks, as entering the Academy whilst in adulthood, becoming Shinigami once adults, with the exception of people like Toshiro, Momo, Hiyori, who all look / are perpetually young.

          Gin is a little older than Toshiro, for context, by the way -- and he is younger than Byakuya. Because Tite doesn’t know how the ages of his own characters work, it can be argued that Gin and Hiyori are possibly within the same ballpark in terms of ages. But like. Look at her. What the fuck. ANYWAYS, the point is ?  Gin’s young, and his trauma is fairly fresh. From the Winter War -- and then 110 years into the past to the Turn Back the Pendulum arc -- Gin spends the majority of his childhood either playing caretaker for Rangiku, who is actually a little older than him, and then killing; first, the three Shinigami that attacked Rangiku, then the Third Seat of the Fifth Division, and then many more likely during his career of observing failed projects at Aizen’s side, witnessing horrific Hollowification experimentations, and many more things. The crucial period of development for things like higher level empathy  ( Gin showcases it by sharing his food with Rangiku, a stranger, and then we see the absolute absence of it from then on )  and Gin swiftly enters into the midst of Erikson’s industry vs. inferiority stage of development; what does he have to offer the world ?  What can he become ?  Will he be good enough ?  This is the stage in which Gin makes the connection as well as makes peace with becoming a monster; this is what I’m offering, this is what I’m becoming, this will be good enough.

          He flipped a switch. It’s questionable whether or not Gin has the ability to cry once he’s an established Third Seat. It’s gone, it’s been swallowed down a hole so deep and dark Gin doesn’t want to go searching for it. He doesn’t want to cry. Gin already has a negative connotation connected to crying given his quote “I’m gonna become a Shinigami, change things for ya, so that you don’t have to cry anymore, Rangiku.” Not crying = good. Not crying means better. Rangiku crying over what was done to her was what embedded into Gin that he needed to be stronger. No crying allowed. None. In his mind, obviously, Gin doesn’t actually make that connection that ‘because Rangiku did this, I’ll do this’ no, he’s not so meticulously aware yet, but there’s certainly an imprint left on him from those earlier years in the Rukongai, dreading her tears, hating them, hating those men, and so crying = murderous intent. Crying = anger.

          If Gin cried as a child, he didn’t realize he was doing so. I can see him crying in his sleep from a dream, a nightmare, a jam-packed series of emotions hitting him whilst vulnerable, whilst unable to smile and swallow it all down. I can see him waking from it and wiping at his face, feeling utter detachment like an ache in his chest, an otherness, like that wasn’t even him crying, that wasn’t him. Gin wouldn’t think more of it, he wouldn’t dare linger on the thoughts. Conceal, don’t feel, don’t let them know.mp4 and all that jazz.

          Gin is more likely to lash out in anger than let himself cry. I have a headcanon / drabble somewhere of Gin screaming into his inner world, clutching at his hair, feeling so terribly close to crying but he can’t, it literally will not happen. He’s too bottled up and frustrated from that that when he actually has an opportunity to cry and it doesn’t naturally happen because he’s become so suppressed, it just outright angers him. Because he has latched everything up, lock and key, by the time Gin’s an adult -- if he were to cry as an adult, it’d be during a flurry of explosive emotions. He cannot just casually let loose, no, that door’s jammed shut, it’s been coiled tight in him. A pit of despair by the time the Winter War rolls by. Gin admits to feeling anxiety, dread, during that conflict -- a sign of slowly coming undone, no longer able to keep himself from hesitance, doubt, insecurity, and anticipation hovering around him like a dark cloud. Gin cannot cry, though, not now. Not when he’s so close to making all the pain worth something...

          So it’s no surprise that Gin really only starts getting the actual opening to properly cry in my canon divergent verses. But the catch !!!!  Gin has failed so thoroughly and so brutally that he feels he doesn’t deserve to weep about it. That this is merely a fraction of the karma he deserves. He experiences suicidal ideation, daydreaming of how it’d simply be easier if he hadn’t survived at all. He feels too hollow to cry, then, at the start. He feels too heavy, too much, it’s too much to cry about. He ruined himself and Rangiku for nothing. He did all of this for nothing. And now Rangiku wants answers, still waiting, watching him, and he can’t cry in front of her. IT’S STILL INGRAINED IN HIM FROM CHILDHOOD: she’s the one who cries and he’s the one who comforts. The audacity of him to cry in front of her after everything he put her through, as though he were the victim and her the one needing to comfort him. Gin may be morally gray, but at times he truly sees the world in black and white. No moderation, no give and take.

          It’d hit him later, when he’s learning to become more vulnerable. When he’s trying to open up to Rangiku about something he has to rip from himself, his heart holding onto this sorrow for so long Gin has to surgically remove the truth from himself. AS A CHILD, WITNESSING WHAT HAPPENED TO RANGIKU COUNTS AS A TRAUMATIC EVENT. Not talking about it for 110+ years does a number or two on you when you at last, FINALLY, tell her the fucking scoop. Gin repressed what happened to Rangiku because he recognized that Rangiku did not fully and properly remember, recollect, what happened to her. He knew. Gin saw.

          Compartmentalizing her trauma on top of his own, as though a keeper of it, a sin-eater, Gin would feel absolute despairing relief at finally telling her. Despairing because he’ll be inflicting upon her something he’s been holding back, holding that door shut, for the entirety of their knowing of one another, and to finally let go of the door and let that beast of trauma go charging at her undeterred ?  There’s immense guilt attached to this entire affair. Gin feels childlike guilt; why her, and not me ?  I wish it could’ve been me, we could’ve traded places and I’d be fine, I’d live, we could live happy together.  Akin to survivor’s guilt, Gin wishes those men had found him and taken a piece of his soul rather than Rangiku’s. The ‘why’ of it haunts him. Why her. Why didn’t I stop them. Why didn’t I show up sooner. I could’ve bitten at them, kicked and hit, we could have escaped together -- or at least you could have. Gin also feels guilt at a base adult level: why am I keeping this from her ? No, it’s too late to tell her, she’s happier now, there will never be a good time to tell her.

          There are so many things, feelings, thoughts, that Gin has never shared with Rangiku due to it all being tied to the unspoken secret he’s let fester inside of him.

          SO WHEN GIN FINALLY TELLS RANGIKU WHY HE JOINED AIZEN, WHY HE TRIED TO KILL AIZEN, WHY HE SAID THOSE WORDS TO HER DURING THAT BLIZZARD AND BECAME A SHINIGAMI ... GIN’S GOING TO BREAK DOWN.

          The truth is tied to vulnerability in Gin’s mind. Telling it means ripping himself apart at the seams. Everything he crafted himself out to be was made around this secret. It’s going to be bloody, it’s going to hit him like a fucking train. Gin’s going to feel it coming, rumbling on the tracks, he’ll hear it even, that approaching storm, he’ll know by the prickle at his eyes and the closing of his throat, but still nothing’s ever prepared him for the absolute choked finality of the truth, and he’s going to do his best to hold it back -- it’s instinctive, it’s in his blood by now to mask it, stop it, divert and drawl his way out of it. But this time he can’t just stop halfway and distract her, talk about something else. No, Gin’s cornered himself and it’s high time Rangiku got the truth from him, he can’t run away any more. He’ll have to grit his teeth and talk through it, swallow it back just enough to speak, to tell her what he’s done to them both and for what, for why, it’s the worst possible conversation they could ever have, but one they need. And Gin’s going to find himself incapable of holding back a sob the more he discloses, the more that slips out and escapes him the more the emotions tied to that sunken anchor come up too. He will feel simultaneously lighter and heavier for it.

          There are numerous ways Gin’s thought about wording it. He’s thought about the numbed approach, MISSION REPORT style: Aizen Sousuke harvested souls from the 64th Rukongai District, they took a piece from you. Perhaps not, no, not like that. Maybe... back when y’were a kid, there were three Shinigami assigned to the 64th District to collect souls to fuel Aizen Sousuke’s Hogyoku. They took somethin’ from you. I saw it. I saw them hoverin’ over you, I saw it in their hands. I saw’em offer it up to Aizen in the forest, collectin’ firewood. I saw him.

          WHY DIDN’T I STOP HIM, WHY DIDN’T I ATTACK THOSE THREE MEN THEN AND THERE IN BROAD DAYLIGHT WITH YOUR COLLAPSED FORM A FEW FEET AWAY, MAYBE I COULD HAVE TAKEN THEM ON AFTER ALL. I COULD HAVE CRUSHED A SKULL IN WITH STONE, I COULD’VE STOLEN HIS SWORD BEFORE THE LIFE FULLY FADED FROM HIM AND MADE IT VANISH, I COULD’VE CARVED THROUGH THE SECOND, SLICE THE TENDON AT THE THIRD’S ANKLE AS HE ATTEMPTED TO FLEE, WARN OTHERS. SLIT HIS THROAT AS HE CRAWLED AWAY. YOU’D HEAR IT, OFF TO THE SIDE. YOU’D SEE ME COME UP TO YOU WITH BLOOD SPLATTERS. YOU’D SEE ME LEAN OVER YOU WITH NOT A PERSIMMON OFFERED, NO, YOUR OWN FUCKING SOUL THEY PLUCKED FROM YOU. SHAKY HAND. BLOODIED HAND. TAKE IT, TAKE IT BACK. I FIXED IT --

          Just tell her. JUST TELL HER.

          DO YOU REMEMBER THE DAY WE MET, RANGIKU ... ?

[goldenworldsabound]

Wendy!!! What would a crossover between your main faves (Viren, Kunikida, Fitzgerald, and Zhongli) be like?? Like if they all switched up their source material?? :Oc I imagine it would be very chaotic

I've been thinking about this all day, Day (...day day uwu).

(because I'm a little compulsive I have to correct main to currently fixated on faves BUT YES!!!)

I've thought about faves interacting before and it's one of my BIG FAVORITE INDULGENT THINGS to think about

Viren and Fitzgerald are an interesting pair - I think that Viren, while he appears fairly confident and powerful, is actually full of self doubt and insecurities, and someone as truly self confident and cocky as Fitzgerald would absolutely rub him the wrong way and appear as a Threat to him. So he hates Fitzgerald almost immediately fkdjahfkjdsa

Fitzgerald, on the other hand, is like. I feel like generally he's ambivalent about most folks unless they're his employees, get in his way, or do something of note. People are generally a means to an end. So he's mostly ambivalent to Viren and doesn't really see him as a threat so fdskjahfdjsa

You have Viren trying to one up Fitzgerald repeatedly while Fitzgerald is just like that's nice old sport. fkjdahfkjdahs

Kunikida wants nothing to do with either of them most likely BUT I feel like he'd get along well with Zhongli and Xiao (who I had to add into this even though you didn't mention him fkjdsahfk I just had to!). I don't think Kunikida would be much bothered by Xiao's stand offish nature, and I think he and Zhongli would get along pretty well and could chat about things for a while. I think that Xiao would find Kunikida agreeable ("as far as humans go" he clarifies) since he's generally pretty rational. Zhongli is interested in the concept of Kunikida's ideals as a kind of contract with the self in particular I think.

Throwing this under a cut as it continues to grow fkjdsha

You've triggered my trap card which is my slowly developing crackship between Kunikida and Zhongli. I call it a crackship BUT I was thinking about how I decided my bsd si plays videogames, so why not have her show them to Kunikida, and why not have one be Genshin? I think it's kind of fun to imagine Kunikida wanting to self ship into Genshin and even having his own faves.

Immediately I think Kunikida would be a geo polearm user. It just fits. I also just like. I JUST REALLY THINK HE WOULD HAVE A CRUSH ON ZHONGLI OKAY LIKE??? This man is BI and Zhongli is really pretty and I think he's just like. 😳 about him. Okay!!! And contracts and ideals are somewhat similar in ways, and I just feel like they'd really deeply respect the way the other views things and I just...I ship it okay. I said crackship but actually I think it's really cute fjdksahfkjdsahfd and of course they can both date me as well uwu

SO yeah Kunikida the geo polearm user who left Inazuma prior to it getting locked down, because he was curious about the teachings and ideals of Rex Lapis, as he felt them as aligned to his own. He runs into a man named Zhongli who becomes his sparring partner and tea buddy, and he's also taking on commissions as part of the Adventurer's Guild, and ends up with a partner named Wendy who he's frankly worried is going to get herself killed one day if he doesn't help her. He then has a bi panic because BOTH OF THEM??? ARE LOVELY??? and then later he gets to date them both the end fdjsafkdsah thinks about this AU more than I meant to

I also considered a few others in Genshin recently

Fitzgerald is an electro claymore user. He's a very rich man in Fontaine who lost his daughter. It was at that time he received his electro vision, because his entire goals and hopes and dreams revolve around bringing her back to life, ie maintaining things as they had been, or in fewer words eternity. Given the Inazuma has contracted Fontaine for mechanical works even under the lockdown decree, he wants to get himself over there to get an audience with the Raiden Shogun to figure out if she can help him in his pursuit of eternity. He's bold. Very bold.

As for Viren. I think that Viren would fit most involved in Khaenri'ah somehow. For those not super familiar with Genshin, Khaenri'ah was a human civilization that had no god, but made incredible technology some of which still tries to kill you today, even though they were destroyed 500 years ago by "the gods" (not like Zhongli and Venti, like the gods ABOVE them). They seem to also have some magic of their own, if Dainsleif is any indication. Most of them got turned to Abyss Mages and other monsters 500 years ago...it just kinda feels like this lines up well with dark magic in my brain. So Viren might be one who didn't get turned into an Abyss Mage, and he's pissed at the gods, and probably helping run the Abyss' plots and plans while fronting as a human somewhere else. Maybe Mondstadt.

ANYWAY YEAH that's a lot of me rambling. Not entirely on focus either so apologies KFHWJFWKJE but I had a lot of fun thinking about this!!!

[capri-ramblings]

PLEASE give us some of that clingy yandere Azul you were talking about!!!! As an octoboy simp, I love cruel and manipulative yandere Azul all day long, but emotionally violate, desperate yandere Azul ?? now that's some good food right there 🤩🤩

Oh my god, yes, thank you ( ´◡‿ゝ◡`)

So basically,I don't have an ongoing plot for him yet but ahh, can't you just imagine him being all needy for his s/o? He's probably one of the ones who's low-key insecure and gets upset a lot *insert Azul squatting inside his octo-pot plotting various murders*

Also there's slight nsfw down there but I think it's super soft still so ( ꈍᴗꈍ)

Clingy!Yandere Azul

- Waking up with his arms curled around your waist so tightly you actually stirred awake because it was getting hard to breath

- His quiet breathing against your skin cool rather than warm, and when you actually try to move away he lets out this low whine and his lips part to mutter out your name

- Azul is definitely a competitive yandere alongside his natural jealousy-driven streak of course, and that means any other attention given to other males infuriates him to the core

- He won't show it at first, but it sometimes slips from his usually composed demeanor in the way he traces your gaze to where its placed on someone other than himself and how everything at that time just seems to freeze for him

- With his past of being bullied and never being seen as enough in the merfolk community, he sees this as a warning. A warning that he shouldn't let his guard down and that there is always room to improve

- If he doesn't grow as a person,you'd leave him for someone better,won't you? Of course you would.

- There's bound to be people who'd want to take you away from him. People who think they're better than him.

- He'll have Jade and Floyd tail behind you anywhere you go, and whenever he can't do it himself. The brothers would have to report what you did and where you went and who you were with.

- He won't jot down anything, he's irritation of not being the person you revolve around will have it all seared into his mind.

- When he gets to be with you, expect him to be oh so touchy despite his effort to play it off as mere playfulness.

- This one time, he caught you with Deuce and Ace, laughing about a joke Ace had shared, and something inside him clenched so hard, Azul couldn't find a way to breathe unless he walked away from the scene.

- You looked so at ease with your friends, but when you're with him you have this slight wall up. He knows it's most likely you being careful and although the thought of being seen as such a cunning person would usually be enjoyable to him, when it came from you, Azul wanted to run back into the ocean and hide himself

- He's heard from Floyd that some of the first years called him a somewhat monster for his ways of dealing. Did you see him the same way?

- Despite the smiles you sent his way, the times you'd spent at Monstro Lounge watching him work and how tolerant you were with his personality, did you see him as some unsightly creature as well?

- When you mention his Mer-form, Azul immediately reverts back to being the timid boy from his past, his voice would pitch and he'd beg you not to bring it up anywhere public and when you let a small laugh, he looks at you with such a dreamy face you mistook it as him being upset and pouty

- He likes resting his head on your shoulders, and wraps his hands around your waist so he could pull you up against him easily. Your scent is different from most land dwellers,and it's safe to say he's addicted to it

- Azul tilts the scale of being delusional and possessive pretty well, though when he tips to either one side, he gets emotional quick and often times it results in him losing all rationality

(Slight?) NSFW

- Most times during nights when you're alone together he likes to bury his nose in the crook of your neck and lightly graze his teeth against the bare skin there,his hands gripping the back of your thighs as he slowly takes time to part your legs

-He loves it when you arch your back and he feels your chest press against his and at the same time he's itching to just press onto you until you're gasping for air

- Yandere!Azul,clingy or sadistic, will always be keen into making his s/o squirm in his grasp but clingy Azul would always make you say you love him rather than have you beg.

- He'd nuzzle up against you, murmuring words that sounds like he's the one begging for you

- "Don't look at anyone else. Please...just..Look at me"

- "Say you love me, won't you? You're driving me insane"

- "I'm yours. Always. So,be mine. Now and forever."

- Praise him whenever he leaves kisses gently across your body and you'll see him melt. The blue in his eyes shift from one hue to another and it's as if you're drowning, pulled into an abyss.

- Trail your lips against the nub of his throat and he'll elicit a gurgling growl, hands gripping onto your waist like suction cups as he murmurs out how he's never letting you go

- It's during times like these that all those suppressed emotional turmoils of his begin to bubble and surface, as if the mere closeness of you brings out a predatory aggression he didn't realize he had until it grabs his entire being and his hands ache to place his mark on you in any sort of form he could grasp.

[hamliet]

hello, in svsss what do you think of zhuzi-lang? his story is so sad but he gets so little attention :(((

Zhuzhi-Lang is actually one of my favorite characters in Scum Villain! Perhaps my second favorite after Luo Binghe, actually. His death devastated me. 

So, before I discuss him, I will recommend this excellent meta by @thisworldgodonlyknows. Basically, Zhuzhi-Lang has remarkable similarities with other characters in MXTX’s works (notably, as the meta discusses, Wen Ning, but also with Wei Wuxian, Luo Binghe, Su She, and even Hua Cheng). The trope is called “because you were nice to me” on TVTropes, and essentially it’s if someone is kind to a character who is usually treated unkindly by society, they become obscenely loyal and spend their life trying to earn that one act of kindness. If someone tells these characters they have worth, they become wildly loyal, trying to earn that person’s affirmation again and again. It comes from a highly insecure sense of self and from the fundamental question each of MXTX’s three novels ask: how can humans earn the right to be alive? 

The answer is that we are alive and deserve to be, and the right to live can’t be earned because it’s inherent. If you look at it, almost all of these characters end up dying at some point in a misguided attempt earn their right to live. Even if they have a happy ending, they die in the meantime; these deaths are not always directly attributed to these tendencies in the character, but are certainly somewhat connected.  

Zhuzhi-Lang dies trying to save both Tianlang-Jun and Shen Qingqiu. 

Luo Binghe is the only one who does not die but Luo Binghe is still considered dead for several years after being pushed into the abyss (which is at least a metaphorical death) by the same person who he was dedicated to serving. 

Wen Ning winds up a weapon; it’s noted his repressed resentment has been used post-death. His arc is about overcoming the idea that he has to earn the right to live even a second life, as Wei Wuxian wants him to live on his own and Wen Ning eventually decides to do so. 

Wei Wuxian kept trying to make it up to the Yunmeng Jiang Sect for taking him in (he says as much), which leads to misunderstandings that eventually result in his own death. 

Su She dies trying to save Jin Guangyao, and it’s all for naught in the end. 

Hua Cheng dies three times, each time for Xie Lian (mimicking Xie Lian’s three ascensions), and each time his death hurts Xie Lian. 

However, for each of these characters, it is absolutely not their fault that they feel they have to earn their lives. The biggest bad in all of MXTX’s works is society and its lack of empathy for those who are somehow deficient by its standards--and if you look closely, most if not all characters might be considered deficient, even the ones who pretend not to be. 

For Zhuzhi-Lang specifically, he was born to a snake demon clan. He isn’t regarded as a fully human/demon; instead, he’s literally trodden upon and looked at as a lesser being. This cruelty has embedded itself deeply in Zhuzhi-Lang: he is violent when someone is violent to him as a result thereof, but he is also kind to an extreme when people are kind to him. As the above meta I liked to says, he doesn’t understand the nuances of humanity (and when I saw humanity it isn’t limited to just humans--demons/ghosts/gods all fit this within the story), the nuances that enable characters to overcome their flaws and choose their own way to live. 

Zhuzhi-Lang is also a foil to Shen Qingqiu and to his cousin, Luo Binghe. Shen Qingqiu, after being transmitigated into the story as the villain, lives as if he has to earn his survival (oh and he also dies temporarily as a result), and lives without nuance. He believes he knows how the story will go, how it is written, even as he knows he’s rewriting parts of it. However, by the end of Shen Qingqiu’s arc, he’s realized he can make his own choices, he can even choose the genre of the story he’s living, he can change the fate of the world and his own fate. It was this fear and this primal belief that he knew how things would go, these constraints he put on his own actions as a result (like pushing Luo Binghe into the abyss), that led to much of the pain and tragedy. 

For Luo Binghe, he keeps trying to earn the kindness of Shen Qingqiu, falling deeply in love with him. Yet Shen Qingqiu, much like society itself, is afraid of Luo Binghe, so Luo Binghe tries all manner of rules to earn his appreciation and love but doesn’t succeed. When that fails, Luo Binghe decides to rewrite the entire world, combining the demon and human realm, not caring at all. He goes into a qi deviation, having completely let go of nuance, wanting to destroy the entire world to control the narrative he has never been allowed to control (and much like Zhuzhi-Lang, to return the world the cruelty it always treated him with). Shen Qingqiu saves him, of course, and it isn’t a coincidence that their ending is Shen Qingqiu telling Luo Binghe that if he will not be welcomed in their society, they will find a place where Luo Binghe will be welcomed. In other words, Shen Qingqiu learns nuance himself, learned that the nuance and loyalty of Zhuzhi-Lang is not inherently bad or harmful; in fact, loyalty is a good trait when it is nuanced. 

Although Zhuzhi-Lang’s life ended tragically and I’m still not over it, his life wasn’t pointless, and his legacy is not of a monster trodden into the dirt. Yes, some may remember him that way. But the calamity is not solved when Zhuzhi-Lang is nailed to a wall; it’s solved through an act of love and loyalty, through Shen Qingqiu committing to Luo Binghe in his extremely awkward and hilarious way. Even if many characters thing that Zhuzhi-Lang was a villain put down, the narrative counters this. Additionally, not all characters think as much: Tianlang-Jun is still alive and has another chance, and Shen Qingqiu learns the value of loyalty and assurance thereof, which enables him to prevent Luo Binghe following a similarly tragic path to Zhuzhi-Lang. 

[wedreamedlove]

Bai Qi’s Vitality [Character Study]

Essay train chugging away at full speed here, haha. This comparison came into my mind while I was ruminating over Xu Mo's post and it was actually what made me jump the gun to push out Xu Mo's before I read his Prison Date (more accurately Imprisoned Dreams Date...) because this essay for Bai Qi jumps off of Xu Mo's post.

Disclaimer: I use CN translations and also spoiler warning for R&S synopses for end of Season 1.

First, I want to quote some lines from weibo user @我写文太差被关了起来 (lit. "My writings are so bad I got locked up" LOL) whose post I don't really agree with, but she wrote these three lines for Bai Qi that sunk its claws into me and won't leave:

"If I can only choose one word to describe Bai Qi then I would choose 'vitality'."

"He doesn't wish to love this world."

"He has always loved this world."

If Xu Mo both yearns for companionship [Loneliness] but is innately separated from the world [Into Your World] and ruthless to himself in accepting that furthering his goals may continue to keep him alone, then Bai Qi is separated and aloof from the world by choice.

If Xu Mo has a detached view and an intellectual curiosity or fixation on the abstract concept of survival of humanity, then Bai Qi is down on the ground experiencing the world in its natural state and trying to protect it, individual by individual.

I'm not saying one is better than the other (they're both my biases) but it's neat to contrast them. I've mentioned here and there that the LovePro men are foils for each other in interesting ways.

Anyway, I wrote this piece [Price of Freedom] but there was a missing link I had a hard time articulating and now it's been delivered to me! So, while Bai Qi has made MC his home and the North Star he always goes towards, he can actually survive on his own because of his innate core of justice.

I know it's a common thought that Bai Qi revolves around MC too much and she's like a goddess placed on a pedestal because she gave him a new life, but what I want to argue is that while she did give him a new lease on life she isn't the sole meaning of his existence.

MC is incredibly important to Bai Qi, but the quote below shows what she really gave him when he awakened his Evol from her piano playing.

"His existence didn't need a so-called father, what people called friends, or an accepted meaning." [Campus Date]

He becamse self-actualized right then and there. He doesn't need to rely on anyone or anything to live now except for what he himself decides on.

Now, I'm going to plop an entire scene from his [Fullmoon Date] because it's going to lead into my next points. Please keep in mind the words from the weibo user at the top:

(But also, why did Elex translate the entire date into present tense? Ballsy LOL. Not only does it break consistency from their previous dates but the source text was in past tense and not written for present tense.)

The full moon was reflected in his eyes and in my muddled state I could faintly hear the growl issued from his throat.

His claws slowly grew and tore into his palm. A blood-red light gathered in the center of his hand and it became a sparkling crimson heart-shaped crystal.

Wizard: Bai Qi, do you really think you can defeat me?

Wizard: If you could, then you wouldn't have chained yourself here together with me for so many years.

Bai Qi: It's different now.

Wizard: What?

Wizard: Haha, don't tell me you're going to throw away your humanity? Then you really will become a monster that is neither human nor beast!

Bai Qi: I don't care.

Bai Qi lowered his head and looked deeply at the girl in his embrace, a tenderness in his eyes that he never had before.

He softly brushed the hair on her forehead and leaned close to her ear, gentle but unwilling to say goodbye.

Bai Qi: I'm very lucky.

Bai Qi: That, right before I fell into the darkness, there was someone who caught me.

Bai Qi: Whether it was apple pie or lemon pie, the things you made... they were all delicious.

Bai Qi: I wanted to lie down on the grass with you and take a nap. I could have also lent you my tail as a pillow.

Bai Qi: I wanted to be able to grab your hand every time you ran, not as a hunter and their prey and not for training.

Bai Qi: Thank you, [MC].

Wizard: What are you mumbling about?

Bai Qi didn't concern himself with the wizard's provocation and he carefully placed the girl's body in a safe corner. The next time he raised his head, his face was filled with resolve.

In the next second, he crushed the crystal in his hand.

Pausing here to point out the epic callbacks Papergames always does. I checked the ENG and while there was no problems there, the CN text echoed the same structure entirely.

"Then I'm very lucky. There was someone who caught me right before I hit the bottom." [CH7.18]

"And you saved me. Don't lower your head, look at me. Don't feel insecure and don't feel like you're useless. You caught me again right before I hit the bottom." [CH15.7]

"The day I met her, there were gingko leaves drifting and falling slowly through the air, and it was the most beautiful time in late autumn. It was also the darkest time of my life. But she was the one who caught me tightly when I fell." [Spring Festival Date]

Returning back to the [Fullmoon Date]:

I slowly stood up, shivering uncontrollably, but I did my best to keep up a smile and carefully walked towards him.

Bai Qi: Stay away from me!!

MC: ......

His voice was hoarse and rough. The snow gradually lightened and softly fell onto that enormous body, like a sad but gentle embrace.

Bai Qi: Don't...

Bai Qi: ... Don't look at me.

My mind was filled with Bai Qi's face and, before today, I couldn't have imagined the close calls and fights he had experienced.

He would wag his tail in happiness and, when he was displeased, his ears would twitch back and forth, selling him out.

His hair was soft and his hands full of calluses, but when squeezed they were warm.

MC: Bai Qi, now I finally know why you were trapped here.

MC: You locked yourself up, right?

Bai Qi: ......

MC: All these years, it was to protect the townspeople and to fight that wizard.

Bai Qi tensed his body and I slowly raised my voice, repeating my conclusions again.

MC: You chained yourself here to protect others.

MC: In order not to let people come close, did you spread the rumors about eating Red Riding Hood yourself?

MC: Everyone is terrified of you, hates you, and calls you a monster, but you still protect them.

I approached him, bit by bit, and the snow fell into the corners of my eyes, slowly dripping down.

MC: This Big Bad Wolf of yours... you aren't qualified at all.

Bai Qi: ... These are just your guesses.

MC: Then you can tell me.

MC: No matter how many times it's said, as long as you talk to me, I'll listen.

Bai Qi: NO ONE WOULD BELIEVE A MONSTER!

MC: I believe.

MC: Besides, you aren't a monster.

MC: Let's go home. I'll bring you your favorite apple pie tomorrow.

Bai Qi slowly turned around and the snow fell into his pained eyes. I saw him remain in place.

Bai Qi: ... You aren't scared of me?

MC: I'm scared.

Bai Qi: Then why...?

MC: But I... want to understand you, little by little. I want to understand the real you.

It was impossible for me to imagine how many times he had once been misunderstood and been attacked. He sifted through this heap of suffering, again and again, but all he managed to save up was a bit of sweetness.

Yet he relied on this sweetness to solidify himself into a voiceless and silent blade, standing up steadfast in the abyss and never wavering.

My hand finally touched Bai Qi's "hand". His claws were pointed and held no warmth.

MC: You defeated that wizard, right?

Bai Qi: ......

Bai Qi: Mm, he's gone.

MC: Fairytales always write about knights and a prince on a white horse defeating the evil wizard and protecting the peace of the country.

Bai Qi: I'm not as great as you say and I've never thought about changing the way others look at me.

Bai Qi: I just use my own way... to be who I want to be.

Bai Qi: I'm not that prince on a white horse written in fairytales.

MC: Prince Charming certainly wouldn't be like how you are now.

His ears trembled and it was like he suffered a bit of a blow.

MC: Prince Charming always has to ride on a horse, wear a stylish cape, and wield a golden glittering sword.

MC: He has to always be graceful and maintain a heroic appearance.

Bai Qi: ......

MC: He wouldn't be like you, in such dire straights and so miserable, even giving up your own freedom.

MC: Even being beaten black and blue, with a bloody nose and swollen face, and yet crawling up out of the mud to go and protect other people.

MC: How is this a prince on a white horse?

His claws trembled slightly and his tail drooped down. His gaze was stuck to the ground, as if he were waiting for some sort of judgment.

MC: Bai Qi, you're a hero.

After he heard my words, his head shot up and those amber eyes were filled with doubt and shock.

MC: Even when you're covered in injuries and your clothes are ripped and torn, you still continue to stand in front of everyone.

MC: Even if there was no glory or reward, you would continue to use your own way to protect them. To protect me.

MC: You're the most foolish of heroes.

MC: But you're also... my hero.

First, more callbacks to Bai Qi's view about other people:

"At that time he said to me, 'Since you can't change the way others look at you, why not just follow your heart and do what you want to do.' These words had a great impact on me." [Campus Date]

"When did I ever care about other people's views? Except for yours, I don't care about any others." [Wish Date]

HONESTLY, the entire prince vs. hero speech the MC gave was just so darn good. The bit about how he crawls through the mud, battered and bruised, to continue protecting people? I had to take a moment after reading that and recalled the weibo user's line about how she would describe Bai Qi with just the word "vitality". The crazy thing is that they wrote this BEFORE Halloween was even announced.

Now, coming back to this essay, this is showing how he can live without the heroine. That was exactly what he was doing in [Fullmoon Date]; she gives more meaning and softness to his life, but he wasn't living an empty life before her either. Like he said, he was just doing what he wanted to do and being the person he wanted to be.

(whispers) He doesn't wish to love the world. He has always loved the world.

The winter world version of him shows this incredibly well. Yes, he was cold and curt towards MC throughout the whole thing but he also had that unchangeable core of kindness and justice and, as I mentioned in my Xu Mo post, MC draws her strength from how Bai Qi is always the same.

[Rumors & Secrets: Lost]

"How is he?"

Bai Qi's voice sounded and everyone in the rehearsal hall turned their heads to look in the direction of the door. The man's wounds had already been treated simply and there was a small gauze taped on his left cheek.

The female team member, who was in charge of comforting the man, gave a forced smile: "Not too good. I think he still needs..."

Before she finished speaking, the man suddenly shuddered violently. He gripped the blanket on his body tightly and tried to hide himself inside. His eyes shook and his expression was guarded as he carefully stared at Bai Qi's movements. The look in his eyes was as if he was watching a monster. The female team member nodded her head, a bit awkwardly, at Bai Qi and hurriedly brought the man away. When they passed beside Bai Qi, she heard that man muttering to himself.

"Monster..."

Bai Qi also heard it, but he only looked at the piano beside the window indifferently. That spotless white color was stained with blood, looking extremely wrong.

"Clean everything up."

Everyone who was stunned in their place came back to themselves and rushed to resume their actions. The short man sidled over to Bai Qi and it took him a long time before he could say: "Captain Bai, don't mind that..."

Bai Qi didn't say anything and only lightly nodded his head. He really didn't put what had happened just now in his mind, or perhaps one could say he was already used to it.

He saved many people under the hands of different criminals: some would thank him, others would be terrified to the point of being unable to speak, but the majority of them, after seeing his power, would see all Evolvers as monsters.

Look! LOOK! He continues doing his job even without knowing the MC and protecting others, despite whatever people think of him and say about him.

MC's presence in his life gives him:

"She's the one who told me I could live more strongly, and she's also the one who told me I could live more gently." [Spring Festival Date]

Her love gives him the sweetness his world is lacking, but he doesn't need it either. Again, I want to emphasize that it doesn't make it any less important and they're probably both halves of the whole that makes up the Bai Qi we all know and love, but he won't have the gaping hole and conflict that Xu Mo is going through LOL.

Okay, now we're going into extreme spoiler territory where these R&S synopses show Bai Qi's perspective before the end of the world and Season 1.

[CN Weibo Topic: Before the Comet Strike]

Looking up at the clear sky, before the world was displaced, the memories imprinted on our minds would not be erased.

[Frontier: A Message Unable to be Passed On]

At the last second, he was still quietly organizing and protecting this city.

The words he ordinarily wouldn't say in front of you turned into gentle whispers that melted into the night breeze.

The answer and door at the end of the world would surely be revealed in the near future.

[CN Fearless ER - Rumors & Secrets: Frontier]

Bai Qi leaned against his motorcycle and suddenly felt that what he had always protected in the past—what that girl had always protected in the past—was not only the entire city and this world, including the people who weren't willing to give up on anything, but also the most ordinary and small things in life.

It was to have a not-so-big place, a hot steaming breakfast in the morning, a light for him when he returned home late, and the one phrase "Welcome home".

"It would have been nice if that could have lasted a bit longer."

I can't translate this entire R&S because there's too much context and build up missing, but the important takeaway is his utter conviction in the MC and how he wants her to continue running forward without looking back and his belief in how their destinations will always overlap. If they continue to move forward, he believes they'll definitely meet again.

MY HEART. BECAUSE HIS DESTINATION IS ALWAYS HER!

I've always mentioned that MC and Bai Qi parallel each other so much that they're almost like mirrors. They both prioritize justice, the lives of ordinary and innocent people, and they are each other's source of courage, motivation, and determination to keep moving.

They add to each other's lives, but they don't need each other in order to keep getting up after falling and fighting for their belief of protecting the world and their loved ones.

Lastly, to finish off my new ode of love for Bai Qi, I'm going to end with the weibo user's words again:

"He doesn't wish to love this world."

"He has always loved this world."