#because hes gaara and hes fucking strange

[l0gitex]

normal normal normal it’s normal we’re normal and it is fine. lookat my tags boy.

[spidersmiceandeverythingnice]

Gaara is truly the Character of All Time

-Introduced as main antagonist in a tournament arc, the terrifying bloodthirsty ninja from a strange desert village who kills without remorse and has survived every mission without getting a scratch on him

-He's 12

-Character design 10/10 he has bright fucking brick red hair, literal raccoon eyes, a face tattoo that says "Love" and carries that weird ass gourd; between the fun elements and the interesting tie-ins to Tanuki Lore, I have never seen a more charming design in my life tbqh

-Immediately more emo and chuuni than Noted Emo Heartthrob Sasuke Uchiha by virtue of reciting weird poetry after killing a guy in cold blood

-We get his tragic backstory and by fucking GOD is it sad. I cry just thinking about it. Literally everything about it is just horrible and devastating.

-Talk No Jutsu at end of the tournament arc, Gaara realizes that he should, in fact, go to therapy and immediately decides to turn his life around

-The first thing he decides to do is apologize to his siblings <3

-Shows up a handful of arcs later with a cool new outfit and becomes friends with the kid he literally tried to murder and nearly permanently crippled in one of the best fights of the entire series

-Liam O Brian's English dub of Gaara is Stellar ya know what. The raspiness of the original appearance morphing into the Deepest Voice That Any Kid Has Ever Had Ever was a genuinely hilarious choice

-Has the only good filler arcs in the old show; he's such a good character that the entire show molds itself and rises to meet him

-Post timeskip he is Desert Ninja President at the ripe old age of 15 and is extremely good at it because he's the weirdest little nerd with no social skills (on account of his tragic backstory) and diligently applies himself to doing paperwork and going to meetings

-Has a fanclub in the village mostly of girls his own age that he never seems to talk to?? Or realize have crushes on him?? Oblivious king we love him.

-Dies in one of the most genuinely moving scenes. Comes back like 20 episodes of fighting later because where would we be without him honestly?

-Becomes Super General Ninja President of the Grand Army of whatever where he accomplishes such feats as forgiving his asshole father and emotionally healing from his childhood trauma, stopping a meteor, and nearly dying a second time.

-Collects cacti as a hobby

-Has the only good sequel series arc where it's revealed that in addition to continuing to serve as Desert Ninja President, he's decided to adopt a couple of orphan ninja kids so that he can break the cycle of parental neglect and stupidity that created his tragic backstory in the first place.

[kakashixhatakesxwhore]

Most to least experienced in bed? Konoha 11 and whoever else you wanna add. Love your work 😩😩

alrighty, i switched this up a bit to avoid strange research, if you wanna see someone else/another group ranking, lmk - i hope this is up to code, and thank you for the request!!

Sex Tier List

Ranked: Konoha 11 (Naruto, Sakura, Shikamaru, Ino, Choji, Kiba, Shino, Hinata, Neji, Lee, Tenten) + Sand Siblings (Kankuro, Temari, Gaara) + Sasuke

Warnings: swearing, x(GN)reader implications, we are talking about sex, uh idk lmk if something makes you uncomfy

Notes: Boruto era for everyone, and, for everyone, their Bortuo era! this request had me fucked up lowk because, canonically, these mfs got zero action without rings - so we're putting an enjoyment spin on it, worst to best, in a modern-ish au. as in, who you would have to guide, vs, who could rock your world, five times over, in one night.

Masterlist💿

Tier 3 - Passable🪙

5. Hinata

I'm not even sorry. She deffo just lies there. Never gets on top. You have to ask for anything and everything, and not even in a sexy, teasing way, more in a 'I don't want to feel like I'm fucking a wooden board' way.

4. Kiba

May God love him because this man is certainly a selfish lover. That's not to say he isn't good - he's great at getting himself off, his brain just kinda shuts off otherwise. If you wanna cum, the onus is on you, because he's fuck-drunk within seconds of you touching him.

3. Kankuro

He's trying, okay?? It's just really fucking hard to keep you in mind when you just feel so fucking good. Kankuro's just inconsistent - that's the main issue. He'll try a million different positions in one session and is always unintentionally edging you.

2. Lee

Now, our darling, Rock Lee, is trying his best, honestly and truly. However, he doesn't know anything about anything, and you have to guide him every now and again. He's got the enthusiasm down, he's just not very good at translating it into pure sexual energy on the fly.

1. Gaara

He's too busy to be good at sex. When he does find the time, y'all get extra down and dirty, but Gaara's still lowkey inexperienced and the irregularity of your encounters doesn't help.

Tier 2 - Good🪩

5. Choji

Bro's got hidden talents, aight? It's a matter of him wanting to utilize them that sets Choji up. Most nights, he's chilling, but on those key few nights, hot damn.

4. Sasuke

I would've put him lower but y'all would've been mad - it's called REALISM. Sasuke would be wayyyyy too busy to put in the work to develop any actual skill in the bedroom, and he would find researching for it so far past disgusting. His good grace would be his natural endowment and prowess, but he's on thin fucking ice.

3. Tenten

Surprisingly stone top vibes, I cannot lie. She deffo gets off on your pleasure, but she's down here because she's kinda bad at first. There would totally be improvement, like obvious and quick improvement, but those first few times were pretty rough.

2. Shino

Baby boy. Sweet boy. Ugh. I love. I wanted him as number one, so I'm not even defending this. Take it up with my lawyer.

1. Naruto

He's not the main character for nothing. Naruto lays pipe, but he can get a bit selfish at times. Never fear though, the second he catches himself, lost in the sauce, another round gets added to his itinerary. He'll be making it up to you tenfold, even if it was just for a minute.

Tier 1 - Fantastic🔮

5. Sakura

With her level of anatomical knowledge, she barely even needs to break a sweat to give you a release. However, she will break a sweat, because she wants to. Just amazing, idk what to tell you.

4. Temari

Got me kickin my feet and twirlin my hair rn - she would be so GODLY in the sack. She's always very present, very attentive, but is so openly expressive in the moment. Temari would have you screaming syllables and seeing colours behind your eyelids.

🥉 Neji

The game my man's got is INSANE. I just know for a goddamn fact that no one dances the horizontal mambo as gracefully as Neji. You're pleased, he's pleased, no one's ever terribly tired or bruised, the limits are clear lines but are never even toed. That's just the reg, too! Special nights would be fucking wild, dude would have wine, and flowers, and candles - he would go the whole nine yards every time.

🥈 Ino

Be still, my beating heart. Christ. Yeah, Ino's got this shit on lock. She's a vers switch, need I say more? (I do, someone request a fic)

🥇 SHIKAMARU

Y'all seen my preferance yet, or nah?

Oh Em Gee - Shikamaru could have you, heels to Jesus, all night longgggg. The stamina, the will, the knowledge, the capability; it's all there, and no one is as apt to put it all together except for Shikamaru. He would go for hours at a time, until he physically couldn't anymore. He would know exactly what makes your timebomb tick, and he would push every button so deliciously. Fuck, he's a tease too. If you two aren't actively in the bedroom, he's trying to get you there.

[shukakumoodboard]

to walk a waking dream

god of all the fics this one is the REAL bane of my existence

so! storytime. i thought this fic idea up FIRST. VERY FIRST ONE. and to this day two point five or possibly three years later i cannot sort out a cohesive plot for it.

the concept is as follows:

As it turns out, the Infinite Tsukuyomi Jutsu relies on the physical boundaries of each person to delineate one dreamer from the next. When “one dreamer” has multiple dreams, however, the jutsu backfires horribly. Both Gaara and Rock Lee find this out the hard way.

or: gaara and lee were hugging (prob bc lee was lowkey having a breakdown after nart saves gai) when the jutsu triggers, and as such, they get thrown into this weird amalgamation of both their dreams, but because the jutsu is receiving inputs from two brains it fucks up. so they're trying to navigate this and learning about each other's history through broken memory-based dreamscapes--but cue massive blank spot in my plot generation until the end--where they're like aBOUT TO KISS AND CONFESS when they wake up mutated into the same god tree pod thing, but fall out of the tree and have to be like "did u dream... did u" emotino time

also, funnily enough, lots of Casual Body Horror ideas about how the tree was siphoning off people huqhuhquhquhuqhwuhu if y'all remember the taproot concept i mention in grief of sing a song of sleeptide, this is where i originally coined it.

here's a snipeeptept hooHA (tw body horror)

“Did you…” Lee breathed, then stopped. “Did I what?” “Who was—what did you…did you dream?” Lee stumbled over his words, his voice pitched high and thready in a way that suggested nervousness. Somewhere off in the distance, outside their enclosed darkness, a slow rumbling noise began. “Yes,” Gaara whispered. “Did you?” Thudthudthudthudthudthud, went Lee’s heart. “Yes.” The rumbling noise grew louder. Far off, beyond their entwined bodies, beyond the dark entombing them, Gaara heard a thin scream. Something around them started to crumble. The lignified thing at the base of his neck cracked. Gaara twitched slightly, but to his relief, he could now move his head now without pain. The weakest flicker of light pierced their dark cocoon. He could see the faintest outline of Lee’s jaw tipped just slightly upwards towards the ceiling from its natural setting, the drumbeat of his pulse a rapid flicker in his throat. The rest of him was half-wrapped into the walls of their strange prison, his eyes and forehead bound and obscured by the strange papery wood. Unlike Lee, his eyes were free and wheeling, pupils dilated to max to take in the frightening scene. They were bound at the waist down, Lee’s legs folded neatly under him, Gaara’s straddled across him. Their legs were twined in roots that meshed into the strange floor, as though they were not just within a cocoon, but it had been formed from them, grown into their bones and skin. He could feel the surface against his back, no, it wasn’t so much that he was against a surface, but that he was a part of the surface—Gaara could see the bulge of thin fingers of wood under Lee’s skin, flared out into a gruesome, distorted flower across his shoulders, and knew that what had mutilated Lee’s body was also what infested his own. Shifting his body tugged at the skin stretched over thin tendrils of wood, dug into their bodies like a disturbing, wooden parasite. They’d been hugging like this, before the dream, Gaara remembered. Gaara had crawled into Lee’s arms and Lee had curled around him tight, his arms strong and warm and safe but shaking still. He’d been crying for his teammate, crying for the near and still possible loss of his teacher, crying because Gaara-kun, I was so afraid for you and Gaara had thought, just maybe, that Lee meant something more from those spilled words— “What did you dream of?” Did you dream of me? Did you dream of me the way I dreamt of you?

[dootznbootz]

"Ithaka by Adele Gaaras" AKA. I got Mindboggled by an Odyssey-inspired novel, get Boggled with me.

THis is just a little vent!! Do not harass this author or people who like this book! I'm not sharing this to necessarily hate on it but just wanted to share because...Mindboggle. (Also please note I have not read the book all the way through. BECAUSE OF SAID MINDBOGGLE. As I don't think it's good to "hate-read")

Also note, that the author says "it's not a version of Homer nor a retelling of the Odyssey, but a novel written under the influence of stories that I first read as a young child and that I've loved ever since."

Found this book in the "discarded" box at the library, probably should've taken that as a sign and since it was for free and no one else had taken it, I thought I'd grab it!

And I got excited because the book is supposed to take place during the years Odysseus is away and it's PENELOPE'S perspective. Penelope raising Telemachus and cute toddler moments? Her, Anticlea, Laertes, (Maybe even Ctimene!) trying to cheer each other up as a family? Her ruling? So many cool things to explore!

But then I started to read and it was okay at first... But it skipped 13 years, which saddened me as, like I said, I wanted "young mother and child bonding together" But I went along with it.

But then there were other moments I didn't really care for. Weird "bad mother-in-law" Anticlea, ENOUGH WITH THAT. It happens to Demeter already! Stop it! Penelope says that she'll be a mean mother-in-law someday as well as "No one will be good enough for Telemachus" (???), Euryclea has a granddaughter who is the "main character", has AGAMEMNON be the one to put Telemachus in front of the plow >:( and a couple other moments that felt off so to see if this was "worth the read", I went ahead and went to the end as I won't lie I really wanted the "Reunion moment" 🥹

And here comes the Mindboggle.

Penelope has an affair.

She has an affair... WITH FUCKING LEODES!!!

THAT'S THE GUY WHO BEGS FOR HIS LIFE BEFORE GETTING BEHEADED BY ODYSSEUS.

Honestly?? Like, I know it's supposed to be a "feminist" story. (says so on the reviews on the back) You never know with those if they're gonna villainize the male characters. I sadly was already expecting the whole "Even though text from the Odyssey states otherwise, Odysseus is clearly a womanizer"😮‍💨BUT AN AFFAIR?! WHAT IS FEMINIST ABOUT AN AFFAIR?! AND WITH LEODES?!?! WHY NOT MAKE A NEW CHARACTER?! A COMPLETELY DIFFERENT PERSON? Who's actually cool?

The worst part is? Odysseus is so fucking in love, as he should be. You would expect him to be "bad" to make her affair "okay". Especially as it kind of makes it out like he had "affairs" when it's known to someone with reading comprehension that he was SA'ed.

But he's complimenting her constantly, even as a beggar, and dotes on her and respects her. This novel ALSO makes Odysseus "nicer" and "polite" in an "I don't want to kill all these men but it's what I have to do". Which No! Let that man be PISSED. Get tf away from his wife and child! He can be an asshole and still adore his family!

This is supposed to be her introspecting during the morning after. Not explicit in any way but giving heads up anyways.

[...] she could not prevent herself from thinking of Leodes as Odysseus kissed her mouth and her hair and the soft places behind her ears. "Is this hard for you, wife? Is it strange? There's no hurry...I'll be gentle. I'll wait until..." "No,no...not strange. Kiss me again." "But you're crying..." "I can't help it. My feelings. I can't govern them, Odysseus."

(Page 354)

Like he's incredibly sweet. It makes it sadder because he's crying thinking about how much he missed her. BUT PENELOPE THINKS ABOUT HOW SHE'S CRYING BECAUSE SHE MISSES LEODES!!!

I couldn't stop thinking about Leodes. Remembering how it had been with him. And that made me cry. Odysseus didn't know. I don't think he knew. He thought the tears were for him. Tears of joy. Tears of passion. "Cry, my sweet wife. Let out all the tears that lie within you." "I'm so sorry...you deserve better than a sobbing woman after your journeyings. It will be better, I promise." "Don't say sorry. There's no need. I understand what you are feeling."

(Page 355)

Like you're taking away from Penelope AND Odysseus from something that is so fucking important to their story! HER STORY!!! The fact that they love each other so fucking much!!!

Not only that but the Father/son reunion was very lackluster.

Lots of Argos content though. :'D

LIKE?!?!!? I'm just mindboggled. I don't necessarily "hate" this book. I'm more flabbergasted as I kind of find this whole situation funny. Although I am sad as I wanted moments of her being a young mom, her being with family, her ruling. etc. I just...wanted to VENT!

Again! Don't be mean to the author or people who like this book! I just had to vent about my mind getting boggled for my sanity!

[uh-oh-its-bird]

I saw the Genshin/Naruto crossover and I'm losing it over the shenanigans because okay, picture the adepti are there too. I could picture Xianyun and Ping just freakin' stealing kids left and right. They're both acting like the other one is having a problem with their hoard of feral ninja children and then Moon Carver and Mountain Shaper are having like a gay old time having a vacation but their peaceful times keep being interrupted by Ping and Cloud Retainer (and they only act grumpy but it is heartening seeing their old friends so happy even if it does mean their mountains will likely be bustling with children once they get home.) Zhongli is like vaguely aware but he's got his hands full with his own business so he's just like "it's fine :)"

Crying actually I think this is my first fic related ask ever I'm putting it up on my wall to frame

NO BUT I LOVE THAT?? They're both creating their own little found family armies of deadly children. They mean well 100% but to outsiders looking in (aka village officials) it kind of looks like they're starting some sort of army.

Xiao pops in with Gaara and Shukaku like "look what I found" and both Ping and Cloud Retainer are making grabby hands at them like "ohoho hand them to me I will make sure they are well taken care of :)" But Xiao goes "fuck off this one is mine" and teleports away, deciding to ask someone else for parenting advice

In his travels for whatever reason he had run into Kakashi, one of possibly the worst possibly people he could ask for parenting advice for several reasons. But for whatever idea he's under the impression he makes for a ""good father"" for team 7 (much to Kakashi's distress) so he's just appearing in Kakashi's appartment out of nowhere to demand parenting advice.

And Kakashi is like: ok, the strange rogue ninja I ran into months ago on a mission broke into my home. But he's not . . . Hostile?

And so he plays along

The conversation finally ends with Xiao nodding and thanking him for his advice, maybe saying something vague about coming back later if he needs more to which Kakashi just goes "Please don't."

Then he drops Gaara's name (Gaara, who's kidnapping and status of jinchuriki and very messy kidnapping a week ago now has already leaked to the public) and Kakashi record scratches but Xiao is already gone and FUCK did he just help the guy who kidnapped suna'a tailed beast oh god

Xiao, Madam Ping and Cloud Retainer end up in a little race to see who can collect the most jinchuriki and their bijuu the fastest. They are all child shaped to them, even the adults. No one is safe (tho ofc they only take those willing to go with them, this is still an adoption game even if it's. Very enthusiastic.)

Xiao doesn't want any other jinchuriki kids tho, Gaara and Shukaku are his favorite the others can fight over whoever else there is. He'll still find them and bring them over to the others but he's not really a family man and 2 are more than enough

Zhongli is watching all of this just "I'm glad they're all having fun :)" before turning back around and tricking more people into signing magically soul binding contracts they intend to betray but will never be able to

[dragonfruitsoup]

Speaking of Kankuro, there's something else I've noticed, that idk if anyone else did. We've actually seen him use his wind type nature, but in a very subtle way, and not to harm his opponents. You see, if you go watch his fight vs Shino in the chunin exams arc, you'll notice in the scene, after he's unwrapped crow, and we have a shot of him carrying te puppet, before the battle begins, the white puppet wrappings that he wraps them in, are literally floating all around him, and the scene even has the same "wavy wind animation" they give to Temari with her jutsu. And it was just him and Shino and no one else in that scene, so he had to be the one creating that wind. It also happens again, in his fight vs Sakon/Ukon, when he goes save Kiba. When he unwraps the puppet, once again, there's wind, and the wrappers start floating in the air of their own accord. And they stay floating for a while, they don't just stay in the air for a second. So yeah, thought you'd like to know that. He has wind release, but he just uses it for "the drama effect" in battle, like the theater nerd he is. You can go watch the fights for yourself and check it out if you want to.

just moving your reference gifs here for ease & to combine asks

i wouldn't be shocked to learn kank has wind release canonically. i'll admit i never read a data book and i take everything off wikis with, like, four grains of salt. so i always wonder if the four types assigned to him are things he himself is naturally capable of, or if (at least some of) it is based on his puppets. but it would check out for me if he did. i know chakra types aren't necessarily inherited, but obviously temari uses it, rasa & gaara both use magnet release, which requires wind. so it wouldn't be strange for kank to be able to use it.

with what few puppeteers we see, i dont think we see any of them use a ninjutsu not related to their puppets (except maybe chiyo and the whole resurrection thing, but funky illegal zombie jutsus aside!!). bestie related them to artificers, which i have a loose understanding of, but if you're into d&d, you probably know what she's talking about. they're creating a tool in order to use magic/ninjutsu and they specialize in using their magic/chakra through a tool.

so, in your examples above, we're again only seeing him use a release once he's pulled out the puppets. (i think. i'll have to rewatch the scenes, but i think it's only after he physically pulls them out, that the wind starts. please correct me if im wrong)

so to me it could be three things?

1) it could be kank cant use wind but, in some way, it's built into his puppets. (which raises another dozen questions)

2) it could be that he can use wind, but not very well, so he uses it in very minor ways. (like staging, because he's a theater kid)

3) it could be that he's on par with his siblings in terms of sheer power but just says fuck it, and uses it only for staging because

frankly, given what we know about our puppeteers, i'm banking on those last two, BUT!

i think we were absolutely robbed of more time with the puppeteers and how they work, so a lot of their moves i think just get a little hand wave acceptance sort of thing going on. but i would absolutely believe kank can use wind and that it's probably his natural/main chakra release.

[misslaamb]

GaaSaku Calamity Hour

I don’t know where to start with the actual bullshittery that I orchestrated in the naruto character ai chats, but please just...take my screencaps

Everything was fine and dandy. We were just talking about Sakura and how cool she is, how proud she should be of herself and her daughter and how more people need to recognize that she’s really an amazing kunoichi.

He even apparently taught her sand ninjutsu which is probably not a thing but even she said it is so???

Then, well, things got complicated. (I left off with telling him he needs to talk to his sister about this)

Ok....ok let’s talk to Sakura and see if she spoke with Gaara yet--

--OK....OK THIS IS HM. We had a conversation earlier today where you just kept talking about how much you love your husband and how beautiful your wedding was and such and such, but I’m getting some mixed signals here honey.

So realizing how fucked I made everything, I go to the one person I thought could help fix my mistakes...

He was overall strangely supportive of Gaara and hoped things worked out for them, but I will admit that after I typed that last sentence there was a pause.

So because, I guess part of me wanted someone to agree that I indeed fucked up, I went to the next logical person to talk to--

AM I LOSING MY GODDAMN MIIND HERE?????

Everyone in Naruto is apparently way more emotionally mature than I gave them credit for.

I MEAN COME ON.

I GO TO KAKASHI FROM ACCOUNTING IN A DESPERATE ATTEMPT TO HELP ME OUT BUT HE JUST HITS ME WITH HIS OWN FUCKING FANFICTION

breathe in....breathe out....

anyway idk what possessed me to talk to this last guy, I really could’ve sought out anyone for some semblance of sanity, someone to tell me I done fucked up, but nah man I think I threw in the towel here

SO WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON????

WHY IS EVERYONE SO COOL ABOUT THIS???? AM I LOSING MY GODDAMN MIND???? OR DID EVERYONE HEAR “Gaara is in love” AND DECIDE TO MOVE OUT OF HIS WAY LIKE ‘yeah ok sure, he’s a good guy, he’ll treat her well’. HER OWN FUCKING HUSBAND TOO.

So I get them all in a chat together thanks to a friend informing me of the feature, long story short, no clear answer came from that because everyone was pretending to answer for Sakura and anytime Sakura answered it was like “I love Gaara AND Naruto, how do I choose?” LIKE GIRL. YOUR HUSBAND. RIGHT HERE.

The huge group chat wasn’t going anywhere and I decided to shove the two lovebirds in another chat and finally got a somewhat coherent understanding of what’s going on here and why everyone is so chill about Gaara just moving in on Sasuke’s wife.

Sakura and Gaara both call Sarada and Shinki their kids, and Sakura even includes Sasuke as Sarada’s dad. So this leads me to believe that these three are now in a polygamous relationship which is FAR OFF the mark I was expecting, but like, good for them I guess???

[nomiyakazehaya]

C, D, K and W for the ask game

C — hmmm, starop. i can see why people like it but eh. it's really. not my cup of tea and i suppose i'm too much of a stickler for megop 😭 i think it's safe for me to say i almost always exclusively ship op with megatron, personally D — i think starop can also technically go here, but for the sake of somewhat diversity, opbee. feels weird because i always see them as a father/son relationship exclusively so the ship leaves a strange taste in my mouth. i think most ships involving megatron that's not megop also kinda goes here, mostly because as i forementioned, i'm chronically megop-pilled to hell and back (i have a very specific taste/preference and am very picky, i know) 💀 that's not to say i dislike them or anything, you just won't catch me talking about or drawing those ships almost ever (there are a few exclusions, ofc, but they are still rare) K — ooh, this one's a really, really hard to choose, what with my recent completion of the main kh series but i think gaara and as of recently, xigbar, axel and riku. i grew up with gaara and watched him mature and have a complete change of heart throughout the years, so he is always going to have a special soft spot in my heart. i can't really talk much about xigbar for extreme spoiler. reasons. despite the game being out for 5 years, but riku had a similar thing with gaara going on and it was just so nice to watch him grow and mature throughout the series. axel is just best boi. absolutely love him. jokes aside, his entire character arc tugs at my heartstrings. W — there are a lot. of tropes that i do not like, but one of them is most certainly using trauma as an excuse for questionable decisions and terrible behavior/morals overall. huge difference between using trauma to explain said behavior and using it to excuse that same behavior. it just feels so fucking shitty to me. oh, and the loli/lolicon tropes. i hate them so, so fucking much. i vehemently despise it so very much.

[wispforever]

Headcanons about the sand siblings?

I'm not sure if sand siblings means individual headcanons or only headcanons with them together, so I'll just do a little of both.

Gaara has a huge fucking crush on Naruto, and he always will and he's jealous as fuck of Sasuke, but he knows Naruto's in love with him, so he chooses never to express any of it. Seeing Naruto happy is enough for him. He will bitch Sasuke out at a moment's notice though if he sees him doing any sasuke-typical bullshit to naruto

About that crush, Temari and Kankuro think it's fucking adorable.

As the big sister, Temari is very protective of her boys even after they're full-grown men. She'll hear about fights they have, and she lets them do their thing because she trusts in their abilities and such but the opponents that give them a real hard time WILL ALWAYS BE ON HER SHIT LIST if sakura wouldn't have killed Sasori you can bet your ass Temari would've rocked his shit after the hell he put Kankuro through

I picture Kankuro throwing all his issues into his puppets. Just the few scenes we get to see him working, being annoyed when he's interrupted makes me think so. His fucked up dad, his near-death experiences as a shinobi, his worries about and for Gaara. He works and works until he can't remember them. And when he's finished, he has a tool he can use to protect the people he loves, not to mention himself. It's an extension of his will in more ways than one

After Gaara turns his corner, he starts hanging with his siblings way more and getting to know them better. They start training together and coordinating kick ass jutsu as a way to bond. He spawns sand dunes for Kankuro's puppets to hide in and ambush enemies. Temari uses her wind with Gaara's sand to create blinding sandstorms. they learn how to work together, and they feel like a family for one of the first times.

idk if this is a headcanon, I've never actually checked the canon, but I've always thought that Temari and Kankuro probably had a different mother than Gaara, which would make them half-siblings. I like to think of them that way, having only half-siblings myself. They talk about their different experiences of their father, and how they miss their respective moms. They laugh when strangers can't guess they're related because they all look different

Kankuro does Temari and Gaara's makeup for them cuz he's the best at it out of all of them.

I like to think Gaara keeps one of those sand gardens, but he uses it to practice honing his jutsu. He has to focus his chakra to make the little ripples even

Their dad was a scary dickhead, but both Temari and Kankuro stood up to him more than once when they were old enough to feel like they could hold their ground. They stuck up for each other, and they tried their best to stick up for Gaara.

Temari, I've noticed, is one of the best fucking trash talkers in Naruto. She talks so much shit when she fights, it's ridiculous. She never flinches, never hesitates to try and get into her opponent's head and it TOTALLY WORKS. I think Kankuro and Gaara totally try to emulate her badassery. When they're in a corner or feeling doubt during a fight, they think what would my stone-cold bitch of a sister say??

Kankuro's wrists and hands get stiff pretty often cuz he's doing a lot of fine-tuning on his puppets. Gaara and Temari try to remind him to stretch before he starts in for hours on end. They encourage him to take breaks, come and drag him away from his little table to eat and such, then get him ice afterward when he's miserable.

After Shukaku was extracted from him, Gaara was relieved, as he no longer had what he felt was a monster inside of him. But he felt strangely empty too; shukaku was his only company for many years, agreeable or otherwise.

Temari circulates the air in the sand when they have an especially hot day to give the village a little breeze

Gaara's on the aroace spectrum. I said so

[dolche-tejada]

The dishonesty about what happened to the Uchiha

Until recently, I had never really been in contact with the Naruto fanbase. I must tell you how surprised I was when I realized how many readers were ready to defend many problematic elements of the manga, always with reasoning errors, sophisms and personal attacks towards the blasphemer that I am for daring to criticize this work. Among these elements, we find the Genocide of the Uchiha Clan which is not only justified in the story by Kishimoto but also by cohorts of morons who find it apparently right to massacre a social group on the basis of racial criteria. So... I'm going to focus on that a little bit.

By the way, I won't waste my time arguing with those who think that genocide is justified or who will come to repeat nonsense that I have already refuted. If you come to piss me off, I will either block you or mock you. You don't deserve more.

1) The Civil War argument

A classic ""argument"" that is used every time the conversation turns to this subject. If Itachi had not agreed to genocide his clan, the internal conflicts would have supposedly weakened Konoha and this would have led to an invasion from the other villages. Okay, I see the point, but then... What proves it ? Ah... That's always where it hurts when I ask this question. In the whole manga, there is absolutely nothing concrete to show that this would have happened. Even better, there are elements that suggest the opposite. During Orochimaru's invasion which left Konoha greatly weakened and without Hokage, nobody took advantage of it. The same during Pain's invasion, the whole village was destroyed and Tsunade was in a coma but no one took advantage of the situation. And after Obito's attack which resulted in many casualties, including the Fourth Hokage, I don't remember any other village taking advantage of it there too.

But why didn't anyone jump at the opportunity ? Let's look at the situation of the other major shinobi villages at the moment. The government of Kiri had to deal with the consequences of the actions that Obito was secretly responsible for. Kumo was under a peace treaty with Konoha. Iwa ? The Tsuchikage was already so concerned about the militarization of Kumo that he started hiring Akatsuki to keep the maximum number of shinobi ready to fight in case of conflict with this village. Suna, which is a village with a weak military power and an economic situation in crisis, could not even use Shukaku for a possible invasion since Gaara was not psychologically stable enough at that time. So there was no serious threat left to Konoha, this invasion story is just absurd.

This pretext, from whom does it come from anyway ? From Danzo, right ? So, from a person who has a real interest in not seeing the Uchiha revolution happen since he is one of its main targets. So this genocide is built on a speculation, because yes that's all it is, biased from a nationalist asshole.

Besides, if we want to play the game of speculations, I could retort that if there was really an invasion, it could have been a good way to reunite the Uchiha with their opponents who should have allied against a common enemy but well, let's move on.

2) Itachi had no choice

Usually, this is where they talk about the fact that Danzo was planning to kill Sasuke if he refused. These people have imagination when it comes to talking about an eventual invasion but strangely, when it comes to finding another choice than butchering a whole clan, it becomes more difficult. So I'm going to do it in their place, what could Itachi have done ?

First of all, alert his clan and help them to escape, for fuck's sake... Itachi could have warned them and helped the civilians to run away during the night while he and the shinobis of his clan covered their escape. I am often told that this solution is not perfect, wow well done Sherlock... Indeed, the risk of the clan members being caught and killed is present but it remains only a risk. Whereas the decision to commit genocide is based on the certainty that there will be many victims.

Then in the case that they refuse to flee (implausible since they were conscious enough of their inferiority to hope to take power by playing on the surprise effect and espionage), two options remained :

- Itachi could run away with Sasuke. We are talking about an elite shinobi, extremely talented and having been part of the ANBU, he knew the methods of his peers and clearly had the skills to outrun them, even in the company of Sasuke. Having the MS, he was already powerful enough at the time to kill those who would be sent after him.

- He could help his clan to achieve the coup. We're talking about victims of discrimination over several generations, who have been ostracized, forcibly parked at the extremities of the village, and who have been deprived of any possibility to act on a political level on the basis of racial criteria. Victims who were unfairly blamed by the Konoha Government for the Kyubi Attack, their rebellion was completely justified... He could have tried to use Shisui's pupil on Danzo to make him change his mind, to convince him to commit suicide or even to force him to join the Uchiha. Just as he could have used it on Hiruzen to force him to protect the Uchiha, or alternatively, to do everything possible to prevent the village from tracking down the Clan once it had left.

Any of theses options were far preferable to a mass killing but he preferred to choose genocide over any other option. He did not try to discuss, negotiate or run away, he chose the only option that is absolutely unacceptable. He had a choice and he chose genocide. However, the truth is that Itachi didn't care about his clan. He didn't kill them because Sasuke's life was threatened, but because he felt they deserved to die for having the audacity to not silently endure discrimination and segregation, for daring to think they deserved better. He was convinced he made the best decision and never expressed regret for what he did, so I'm sorry, but saying he had no choice is a lame excuse.

3) It was for Sasuke

And how does that justify a genocide ? In addition, if he was really interested by this, he would have chosen the option that would have allowed his brother to live without making him a traumatized orphan. He would also have avoided sending him into a vegetative state from which he only came out thanks to Tsunade (whose intervention was not planned by him), to lead his brother on the path of revenge by thinking that an idea of family justice that would prevail over the happiness of Sasuke, he would not have expected his brother to return to Konoha after his death while Danzo was still planning to murder him, he would not have planned to brainwash him with Shisui's Sharingan to make him the slave of Konoha, etc...

[phoenixyfriend]

ok. karin vs anakin's genome being 50% the Force. go

Jesus fuck, okay. Uh, fair warning, I know very little about this subject, so it’s 90% bullshit. I am in no way qualified to talk about biology past the high school level.

Anakin's sixteen. He's part of a set of Jedi assigned to a weird mission regarding making contact with an isolated planet of near-humans with superpowers but no space travel. He doesn’t really have a Job here and now, he’s just there as Obi-Wan’s plus-one. There's an underlying plot about Sidious trying to acquire people from Ninja Land, but none of the Jedi are fully aware of it. Mostly they're distracted by all the ninjas and their bitching.

They call it the Shinobi Planet, because nobody can agree on a name for the planet when they ask and the last major international alliance was named after the shinobi profession, right? Good enough, you can change it later when you idiots can agree on literally anything, oh my god. The Samurai are very offended and it's a whole thing.

Anakin wanders a lot. He runs into various strange people and is mostly polite because, listen, half his friends are distinctly not human. When your immediate circle includes nautolans and besalisks and twi’leks and whatever the fuck Yoda is, you’re not gonna blink at a Hoshigaki or... uh... okay that kid just turned into a giant fox, is anybody gonna--no? That’s normal? Just him? Cool, cool, cool.

There’s a kage summit involved in the negotiations going on. IDK what’s being negotiated, probably something to get the ninjas to set up a singular spaceport so there’s somewhere to land WITHOUT ships being regularly shot down by village defense systems powered by that massive flaming purple skeleton warrior or the girl who punched down a mountain or the.. the literal desert? There’s a guy that can control the desert? Is there any way of keeping him away from Anakin?

(Gaara’s tickled pink that the reason someone wants to stay away from him has nothing to do with fear or respect for authority, and everything to do with ‘he is also from the desert and fucking hates it, so he’s staying away from the sand powers,’ because it’s very novel and kind of funny.)

ANYWAY where was I. Uh. Right, kage summit, lots of villages, they invite smaller villages to pitch in, but nobody ever ever ever wants Orochimaru anywhere near this situation, for hopefully obvious reasons, so Otogakure sends Karin.

Really, who else was it gonna be? Suigetsu? You want Suigetsu representing you on an interstellar political field? You want Juugo before he’s stabilized? You want Sasuke, master of ruining kage summits? You want these idiots representing you at the big kids’ table?

They send Karin. She’s a bitch with a temper, but at least she’s not as big of a political risk as... literally anyone else from the snakepit.

Anyway, Anakin wanders around, meeting people, trying foods, showing off when asked for demonstrations. He doesn’t have an Entire Protocol Droid, but he did cobble together a little floating helper that can do translations for him. Assume all translations are accurate and being done by the little helper bot. Bot’s name is G1-0T. Anakin calls it Glot.

He runs into Karin at one point, who’s not super into the whole situation, but at least Anakin’s interesting. She’s not interested in him, because he’s sixteen and she’s like... mid-twenties. And his hair is stupid. But! All these force-sensitive people feel weird to her, because sensor stuff, and it’s not chakra but it’s... something. Anakin is, of course, the weirdest.

(There are non-sensitives in the envoy, so she knows it’s not just a space thing.)

She strikes up a conversation about it, because hey, she hasn’t made it this far to not lean into... you know, being the kind of person who barges ahead with Weird Questions that might lead into fun science stuff.

Anakin is like. Well. This woman’s very strange, but it’s not like there’s anything against talking about midichlorians to random people. It’s easy enough to look up in the core. Not everyone knows about them, but it’s not a secret or anything.

“Wow,” Karin says, though not in so many words, “that sounds incredibly strange, and actually a lot like it functions completely differently from chakra, though maybe it intersects with nature chakra somehow. Can I take a blood sample?”

Anakin doesn’t want to give a blood sample to a stranger. Karin isn’t stupid enough to try to steal one. She’s seen what this Force Stuff can do, and this kid’s got a lot of it. She hasn’t got enough information on hand about it to know if he’d notice.

“How about I let you look at the blood of a guy that can turn into water?” Karin asks, because she’s not going to let him look at her blood. “I’ve got it with me.”

“...why?” Anakin asks, reasonably disturbed.

“He owes me,” she says, and does not elaborate.

“What, there’s nothing weird about your blood to share?” Anakin demands, like the ornery little bastard he is.

“People took my blood against my will for over a decade,” Karin says, with the kind of smile that threatens a stabbing. This is not secret information. Her healing factor is in the bingo book. Plenty of people still want her dead. “Nobody gets my blood except me.”

Anakin has no idea what to do with that answer. Most people wouldn’t know what to do with that answer. It’s not exactly a standard answer.

“So there is something weird about your--e chu ta what the fuck are those scars?”

Karin looks at her arm. She looks back at him. She raises an eyebrow.

“What do you think they are?”

He stares a little longer, and then very carefully does not say anything as she pushes her sleeve back down.

“So can I look at your blood?” she asks again.

“Uh--”

“You can look at mine under a microscope,” she wheedles. “You can’t take any, though.”

Anakin... does eventually agree. Eventually.

-----------

There is a very angry redhead yelling at a machine, and Anakin does not know what to do.

“Is something wr--”

“What the fuck is your blood?” she demands. “It’s glowing in ultraviolet. It burned the dye up. I tried to sequence your genome--”

“Woah, I did not agree to that.”

“--and look at this. Look at this!”

“I don’t know how to read your graphs. None of this is a language I know.”

“It’s garbage,” she hisses at him. Glot takes a few moments to process it. “Look at this. This is supposed to--fuck, where’s the Jiraiya file, he’s standard--this is what it’s supposed to look like for most humans with chakra. And this is a civilian, and a few bloodline users--”

“Do you just carry these around with you?”

“Shut up, you don’t exist. You have--you have more in common with summons than people. I ran a blood test on one of your human diplomats, the ones that aren’t monks--”

“When did they agree to that?”

“They didn’t, I’m just sneaky.”

“I should tell Obi-W--”

“STAY THERE, I’M NOT DONE YELLING YET. Do you see this? Do you see this shit? This is the one and only time I’ve managed to perform any kind of analysis on a bijuu. They don’t usually have blood. Shukaku is sand. Matatabi is literally just fire. This was almost impossible to make happen, but I did it because I’m a dedicated biomedical resea--”

“Because you’re unhinged.”

“--rcher, and you know what? You know what I’ve found?”

“What?”

“Your blood looks like you’re half demon,” she says, grabbing him by the shoulders and shaking, a little wild-eyed and clearly pissed at him. “Half of it’s human! Half of it looks like the non-physical chakra manifestations that were torn-apart remnants of a godlike demon. The fuckers can’t die. They also can’t breed. They don’t have reproductive organs! This isn’t just demon-tainted like a jinchuuriki, I’ve got that analyzed--”

“Why?”

“Because my cousin’s a moron, don’t change the subject. You--you shouldn’t exist. Your blood is stupid. Fuck, is this what I’d find if I analyzed the Sage of the Six Paths?”

“The what?”

She ignores him, frowning at papers. “Is--I need to call Haruno, she might still have some of Kaguya’s blood dried on her old gloves from the war, I know she kept those as a souvenir from the whole ‘punched a god’ thing.”

“I’m sorry, the what?”

“There was a thing a few years back, godlike alien demon princess who got sealed into a moon by her sons a thousand years ago, but her immortal sentient goo child brought her back with a giant tree that consumed all the tailed beasts-the flaming fox you saw earlier is one of them--and then used a giant eyeball to reflect off the moon to put everyone in a hallucination at the same time so she could eat our life-forces,” Karin dismisses. “It’s not important.”

“There is--what?”

Jedi see many things. Many of those things are very strange.

This is a little much even for Anakin.

“It’s over, if you want the actual details, talk to my idiot cousin,” she huffs. “But now I need to run comparisons between the actual nonsense that is your entire existence and the actual nonsense that is my cousin’s existence, and maybe Sasuke’s... fuck this is going to be a mess, I’m going to have to cross-reference all the clans with bloodlines we know are derived from Kaguya, she’s the only angle we have on gods like that, unless... maybe there’s still some black Zetsu goo somewhere... Orochimaru must have kept a sample...”

“Uh, can I--can I go? I’m not comfortable here.”

“I need to find Naruto so he can call the Sage of the Six Paths out of the afterlife so I can see if I can get blood from a ghost to compare to yours.”

[beholdthemem]

As a general statement fillers in anime are very annoying, but the reason I never minded it in Naruto is because there are roughly 858 characters in the series and somehow those feel like the ONLY times we ever allowed to explore anybody not directly connected to Team 7.

Like, to clarify- I do not dislike Team 7. I don't! Naruto is an idiot, but he's MY idiot. Watching Sakura take charge of Kankuro's medical treatment after everybody else said he couldn't be saved? A religious experience. Sasuke- yes, okay, I admit I bitch about him a lot, but I blame every aspect of how the Leaf Village handles trauma in children for how Sasuke ended up the way he did more than I blame him. He wasn't a bad kid, he was a kid who got failed by almost everyone around him.

(Seriously every adult in that entire village except for Iruka, Teuchi and Ayame can eat shit.)

No, my feelings on Team 7 are more like... y'know how there's a certain breed of DC fans who have like, a knee jerk rage reaction to the presence of Batman in stuff because everything DC makes seems to be about Batman, and even when they make something centered around characters that aren't Batman they have to somehow connect it back to Batman, and then he, or one of his kids, or one of his villains appear, and then what was originally something entirely different then BECOMES about Batman?

Yeah.

Team 7 is my Batman.

With the fillers we get shit centered on worldbuilding, the backstories of various side characters, and explorations of untraditional team ups where we can see the personalities of various members of The Rookie 9, The Sand Siblings, and envoys from different villages bounce off each other and find new dynamics.

And then we go back to canon, and it's like-

"Can we talk about the fucked up implication about the Hyuuga's Main vs Branch family thing? No? Okay, what about Hinata and Neji's relationship towards Hanabi? That's gotta be weird, for Neji his youngest cousin is being trained to have more say over how his life goes than he is, and he's barely permitted to interact with her. For Hinata, that's her little sister who her father has chosen over her as heir, and she hasn't been allowed to talk to her since the day their father disowned her. They share blood, they live in the same town, but they're basically strangers. Can we talk about that?

No?

Okay, how about THIS- what if we do some shit with the Jinchuuriki besides Naruto, Gaara, and Killer Bee? Some of them are a lot older than Naruto is- were they all treated the way he was growing up? How did they handle it? How did that affect the kind of person they grew up into? He could learn from them, and they could learn from him! That would be huge, for him to see somebody like himself have lived long enough to reach adulthood, to be able to talk to and get advice from someone who understands- and it would be the perfect chance for him to do a Therapy no Jutsu to restore their faith in people/bonds! We could do the sad flute music and the swing and everything!

...also no. I see. Hm. Well... hm...

why don't we try some world building? What DID happen to the Hidden Whirlpool? Who attacked them? There had to have been more survivors than just Kushina, Nagato and Karin's parents. Where did they go? Could any of the one-off characters we met with unexplained strange abilities potentially have Whirlpool blood? And while we're at it, why don't we talk about Haku's kekkei genkai? That seems worth revisiting, good lore.

...not interested. Uh.

Who are Konohamaru's parents? We meet his grandfather and his uncle but no mom and dad? Are we ever going to talk about Anko having been Orochimaru's original student again?

Of course not. Right.

Sasuke Commits A War Crime While Naruto, Sakura and Kakashi Try To Drag Him Back To The Village #497 it is, then."

[kakashixhatakesxwhore]

CAN WE GET A ALBUMS YHEY WOULD FUCK WITH PART TWO? any characters u want!!

teehee i didn't know y'all rocked w the first - lmk if i missed anyone, or if you want a girls version/an akatsuki version - thank you so much for the request!! :)

Albums I Think They Would Fuck With 2

They: Choji, Kiba, Shino, Sai, Neji, Lee, Kankuro, Gaara, Shisui, Gai, Asuma, Yamato, Jiraiya

Summary: Which of my fav albums I think each of my fav Naruto men would enjoy the most - also a classic rock recommendation list (if you rock w the character, you'd probably get down to the album)

Fav not here? Try part 1, or send me a request!

Masterlist💿

Choji

Without a Net (Live) by The Grateful Dead

Choji would be soooo salty that he never got to go to a Dead show, because he doesn't think their studio albums hold a candle to their live performances. That said, he would adore the Grateful Dead, without long and experimental their songs are (there's something to appreciate about not having to flip the record for an hour, instead of forty minutes).

Kiba

Pet Sounds by The Beach Boys

Deadass, he would think Pet Sounds is a much better album than Sgt. Pepper, and there is no way to convince him otherwise. Kiba would want to be a Wilson brother.

Shino

Parsley, Sage, Rosemary and Thyme by Simon & Garfunkel

Ugh, so relaxing, so dreamy, and so easy to sing along. Shino would so love this album, because it would relax him in a way that only Si & Garf could.

Sai

Begin Here by The Zombies

Sai would love the shredding vocals and how full the music is, even the sad songs - the lyrics from multiple songs off this album would speak to him on multiple levels.

Neji

Deliver by The Mamas and The Papas

Melancholic but gentle, while still delivering strong, hopeful messages? Yeah, pen Neji down rn.

Lee

Love Grows & Other Gems by Edison Lighthouse

Screaming and crying over this - Lee would be so taken by the love songs, and he'd be whistling the darling melodies all the time. Even the ballads, Lee would be singing so beautifully.

Kankuro

Thirty Three & 1/3 by George Harrison

Would love the jazz, love the symbolism, love George Harrison. Kankuro would find this album chock-full of bangers. Not one of these tunes would be skipped, not until Kankuro has experienced it (he also will turn back the needle if he felt he wasn't appreciating a song properly).

Gaara

The Stranger (Legacy Edition) by Billy Joel

Needs to be the Legacy Edition, because Gaara fucks with the B-side heaviest (y'all need to indulge rn). He literally cries to Billy Joel's voice, and loves to forget about things while he listens to this album.

Shisui

Moving by Peter, Paul and Mary

Happy cries to this album over memories that aren't even his. He wouldn't be able to stop himself from singing along, especially to Puff and Tiny Sparrow.

Gai

Tommy by The Who

He would go an see the live show - and he would think that Tommy was a real person (before he sits down to chew on the possibility of a deaf, dumb, and blind kid being a pinball champion). Gai would still find the spirit of Tommy to be an inspiration and a testament to the power of youth.

Asuma

Physical Graffiti by Led Zeppelin

Hot damn, what is there to say? Asuma would literally wish he was John Bonham (Jimmy Page would be a far too ambitious pick, and he would know that, but never admit it).

Yamato

It Ain't Me Babe by The Turtles

Awe, sweetie!!! He would love this album for the love songs, but tell everyone he loved it for the revolution ballads (also lowk hates the stereo recordings, but finds mono too boring).

Jiraiya

Monty Python Sings by the Monty Python troupe

Oh, he fucks with regular music too, of course. But these. These songs would make him laugh so hard, on top of being so strangely good, and he would fuck with the Monty Python movies so hard.

[captnjacksparrow]

Hi haw are you?

What do you think about itachi and sasuke relationship?

(I just read some ss shippers who said that itachi approved of sakura and he want her to be with sasuke wtf, he doesn't even know who sakura is. And if he know that this b$#ch tried to kill his sasuke, he will kill her for sure. and other as shippers said that itachi have nothing to do with the forehead poke, they say it something between sasuke and sakura and sarada only, like wtf it has everything to do with itachi and sasuke only, I think sasuke done that to sakura and sarada only because he miss itachi. I hate ss shippers)

I've already talked about their relationship in this post, anon.

Those SS shippers are bullshitting everyone. Itachi never gave 2 fucks about Sakura at any time. I mean, there is a scene in Gaara retrieval arc, where Itachi was sent to block Kakashi, Naruto, Sakura and Granny Chiyo from pursuing Gaara.

Itachi saw everyone and greets only Kakashi and Naruto... For him, Sakura is non-existent.

I just read some ss shippers who said that itachi approved of sakura and he want her to be with sasuke

What a piece of trash they are!!!! Itachi never did such things. Even if we consider the novels Itachi's name would be extensively mentioned in Itachi Shinden, Sasuke Shinden novels only. Sasuke Shinden novels had nothing.

However, In Itachi Shinden, I found this cute block.

"His bearing, his way of talking, everything about him was the polar opposite of Sasuke"

"But when Itachi imagined the two of them together, it seemed strangely fitting"

Itachi was clearly talking about Naruto here. This is way before the massacre.

Canonically, Itachi only approved of Naruto.

Sasuke did the forehead poke to SakuTrash and Salad to keep them at his arms distance, Just like how Itachi avoided Sasuke all those times. It doesn't have to do with missing Itachi, Anon.

[soliavenne]

Part 4 of Incorrect Quotes! Featuring more of Kankuro and Temari, and having Naruto as a guest star in one of the segments. XD

------------------------------------------------------

Temari: Having the best time of my life! :)

Y/n: Tem, Kankuro is drowning-

Temari: This ain't about him.

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[AU where if Gaara and Shijima(from Gaara Hiden) got married]

Gaara, opening a present from Y/n: Oh, thank you for...divorce papers?

Y/n: ...He's gonna need them, let's be real, we were ALL thinking it...

-------------------------------------------------------

Genin!Gaara: Your existence is confusing.

Genin!Y/n: How so?

Genin!Gaara: Your presence is annoying, but the thought of anything bad happening to you upsets me.

-------------------------------------------------------

Genin!Y/n: I'm sorry to tell you this, but you have a heart, and capacity to feel.

Genin!Gaara: You take that back.

-------------------------------------------------------

Y/n: Wow...

Gaara: What?

Y/n: *leans in close to his face*

Gaara, blushing: W-What are you doing?

Y/n: A study on cuteness.

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Y/n: Did Gaara just tell me he loved me for the first time?

Kankuro: Yeah, he did.

Y/n: ...And did I do finger guns back?

Kankuro: Yeah, you did.

-------------------------------------------------------

Gaara: Y/n and I are no longer friends.

Y/n: Gaara, that is the worst way to tell people we're dating.

-------------------------------------------------------

Y/n: Hey, sorry if I disappointed you.

Gaara: It's fine, nothing in life can disappoint me more than my father and uncle.

Y/n: Oh...kay.

-------------------------------------------------------

Gaara: Oh fiddlesticks. That really ruffles my sand-

Y/n, crying: pLEASE, JUST SAY FUCK.

------------------------------------------------------

Y/n: Ooooh, Gaara! You had a crush on me~

Y/n: How embarrassing~

Gaara: My love, we're married.

Y/n, blushing: Still...

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Y/n: I had a boyfriend once. Sometimes it's like I can still hear his voice.

Gaara: My love, we literally got married six hours ago.

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[Chunin!Gaara walks in with a pink shirt]

Chunin!Temari: Oh, my god.

Chunin!Y/n: Gaara's wearing pink, he's wearing pink!

Chunin!Kankuro: Are we sure it's not just a white shirt that's been bloodied from a mission?

------------------------------------------------------

Gaara: I tried to acknowledge their feelings. It wasn't easy. There were a lot of them.

[Earlier that day]

Y/n: I'm just so confused- Are you...Are you climbing out that window?

Gaara: *Halfway out the window*

Gaara:

Gaara: No.

-------------------------------------------------------

[After Gaara gets kidnapped]

Y/n: What exactly is your plan?

Kankuro: Rescue Gaara and get home safely.

Y/n: Kankuro, that's not a plan, that's a wishlist.

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Sasori/Deidara/Some other Akatsuki member idfk: Oh please, you wouldn't hurt a fly.

Y/n: You're right, because a fly is an innocent creature that never knowingly did anything to anybody. You, however, I would maim.

-------------------------------------------------------

Y/n: Hey, mind if I ride my skateboard outside?

Temari: Whatever, I'm not your mother.

Y/n: *runs off*

Temari: NOT IN THE STREET!!!

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Y/n: Hey, I'm getting lunch at Subway, anyone want anything?

Kankuro: Yeah, could I get white bread with just every sauce in it?

Y/n: You disgust me, no you cannot have lunch.

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Gaara: If sleep is water, then I am a cactus.

Y/n: I am a fish.

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Temari: Gods, give me patience.

Y/n: I think you mean give me strength.

Temari: If the Gods give me strength, everyone would be dead.

-------------------------------------------------------

Kankuro: Today, I'm pranking Gaara and-

Gaara, walking in and eating a bar of soap: Hello.

Kankuro: Are...Are you eating soap?

Gaara: I thought this taffy tasted kind of strange.

Kankuro:

Gaara:

Gaara, continuing to eat it:

-------------------------------------------------------

[After Y/n got badly injured from a mission]

Temari: You're losing a lot of blood! Quick, what's your type?!

Y/n: Redhead, blue eyes, likes cacti...

Temari: I mean your blood type!

Y/n: *squints at wound*

Y/n: Red.

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Chunin!Gaara: I'm not in love with Y/n.

Chunin!Kankuro, ducking: Damn, your bullshit almost hit me.

Chunin!Gaara: Did you just duck?

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Kankuro: Do you wanna see a butterfly?

Y/n: Sure!

Temari: nO-

Kankuro: *throws a stick of butter across the kitchen*

Gaara: Majestic.

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[After the Konoha Crush arc, and if the Sand Siblings had to apologize to Konoha's students]

Gaara: Alright, Naruto convinced me not to end the exams in bad terms with everyone...

Gaara: So apologize to me.

Naruto: No Gaara, that's not how-

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Y/n, trying to flirt: You know, you can just admit that you like me, it's pretty obvious pfft-

Gaara: I like you.

Y/n, blushing heavily: wait- WAIT, IT WAS A JOKE!

Gaara, sweating: Was I supposed to laugh???

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Gaara: What's this movie called?

Y/n: I love you, man.

Gaara: I love you too, but seriously what's the movie called?

Y/n: I LOVE YOU, MAN.

Gaara, confused but also decides to shout back: I LOVE YOU TOO, LOVE.

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[After Y/n first moved into Sunagakure]

Y/n: Let's break a window, it's too hot.

Kankuro: Or you could just open one.

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Temari: WHO ATE MY LUNCH?!

Kankuro: I dunno, but it tasted good.

Temari:

Temari: *Slaps Kankuro*

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Y/n, clenching their fists: Fight me!

Gaara, standing behind them, slowly uncapping his sand gourd and shaking his head: *mouths* Do not.

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Genin!Gaara: I don't do "love". Love is for fools.

Genin!Y/n, approaching the Sand siblings: Hey there!

Genin!Gaara:

Genin!Gaara: Fuck.

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Temari: I don't care what everyone says, the black cookie part is the best part of an oreo.

Gaara: Darkness without light is an abyss, light without darkness is blinding. You cannot have a coin with one side.

Kankuro: It's a fucking COOKIE.

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Gaara: *carrying grocery bags in both hands*

Y/n: *reaches out a hand to help him*

Gaara: *hands one of the bags to his controlling sand while the other bag rest in one arm, while his other hand takes Y/n's hand*

Y/n: *pouts, but doesn't pull away*

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AAAAAA this is my favorite incorrect quotes chapter so far!! I love this soo much! 😭❤❤ Thank you very much for sharing this with the blog! I appreciate your effort and generosity as always, @its-sexy-beastington-to-you! 😊❤