#because it seemed like it should be about her parents overcoming their fear and distrust

[cruelsister-moved2]

guys im ngl arietty is underrated the soundtrack is actually stunning the end credits scene was gorgeous i didn't even realise it was a directorial debut. its also a case where it actually makes sense to adapt a book in that way where you keep none of the plot and play with the concepts bc it's just an extremely charming whimsical concept to animate I probably would've enjoyed it if it was just their daily life and nothing happened

[itsmaferart]

Longings for Happiness!

From the mere introduction of the character Twilight makes it clear that he is a spy, working for WISE, whose goal is to "preserve world peace." And that any idea of "having a family and being happy next to someone" was thrown away. Any trace of a past identity burns to ashes.

But when you go in retrospect. Twilight's longings are present in it ALL THE TIME. But, I bias his mind and condition his to get rid of these feelings so he can continue to perform his role as a spy.

However, I think Twilight actually "isn't happy as a spy," doesn't really like being who it is, and deep down it may come to feel a slight disregard for the actions it should do. The way Twilight through his family shows small signs of "contempt' to the unethical acts a spy must do

Obviously, acts of mistrust are justified. Since it is his job, but at the same time, being with the Forgers has led him to discern and question himself Is it right to justify everything for peace?

However, as he well mentions at the feast he goes to with Yor - "someone who is willing to sacrifice himself for a greater good is worthy of admiration" (Even if you do something you don't want to do)

It is more than evident that Twilight's relationship with Yor and Anya is quite profound, because he manages to reflect on them as "mirrors" of his own sincere longings.

The way he always recognizes Yor's work, her initiative and her persistence even though she herself is unable to see it. How he has learned to trust her, and to dismiss any suspicion by seeing "the purity" of her actions. Although he doesn't really know the truth about Yor's work. He always notices how much she gives of herself for others (To protect Yuri's happiness and now Anya's)

Somehow, we see that Twilight really isn't indifferent to gratitude. Because, deep down, he "wants to feel that what he pursues has a benefit" - Something that fills his own void and gives meaning to everything he has sacrificed

It's curious, as Twilight seeks "idealized" happiness for the whole world. But he is unable to think "of his own happiness." As if having lost his parents and friends, it is synonymous with "my chance to be happy has passed and I will never have it again."

However, his gaze shows his longing for what he "wishes" to have. But he feels resigned to "searching" for himself

The mixture of frustration, fear and guilt lead him to seek a peace, to ensure the happiness of other people, and do not have to suffer the same as him. But he ends up content with only seeing at a distance the happiness of others.

Missing what he ever had, lost, or just couldn't have. (People who would stand by him and love him sincerely)

It seems to me that "Twilight" is not the real person, quite the opposite. Twilight is a role, a character, who is innate actor was perfecting in his years as a spy. He's a character, within other characters. However, the purpose behind this character is based on a survival reaction. Twilight is a mechanism of adaptation that (Eliminated). He believe in order to survive its painful reality.

Twilight's biggest fear is "facing the unknown." Obviously, it is a fear developed in the face of uncertainty and how vulnerable "a little boy" feels in the midst of a war and has lost everything. Hence, their distrust stems from dependence on other people. Having a job that involves "trusting no one" and "much less affectionately relating" works as a protective shield to his own fear. Preventing confrontation and "overcoming" them

It makes me very sad how Twilight is willing to settle for crumbs. Because of the deep-rooted trauma of "loving someone" and then losing it. And to suffer the very hell of war again.

But at the same time, the Strix mission is opening another opportunity for him and each of the Forgers. Proving that really, it is never wrong to seek a second chance to love and be happy. As long as you are surrounded by the love and support of the right people

To paraphrase his own words: Having a purpose to make a better world, and wanting to meet expectations to live up to is fine. But being caught up in it can make you lose yourself.

Actually, my greatest "expectation" or personal longing regarding the plot. It's Twilight/Loid/(Deleted). You can destroy your own emotional barricade, so you can build a life full of love next to your family.

End of Report

[galleryfake]

BIG OL’ KORTOPI INFO & HEADCANON DUMP ! ;

( aka the cliffnotes version of all the headcanon legwork i’ve done for this chara in the span of roleplaying him for five years )

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BACKSTORY / PRE-CANON : 

Kortopi originates from Meteor City, like the original members. The residents discovered him as a very small, clearly premature and sickly infant amidst the piles of garbage they regularly sifted through, not at all an uncommon occurrence, and took him immediately to the caretakers to try and save his life.

While he was able to be saved, it would be years before he would ever reach a “stable” level of health -- he was incredibly sickly and required nearly constant care all throughout his childhood, resulting in his care shifting hands a multitude of times due to the immense time and resources sink that it required. Because of this, Kortopi learned at a very young age to not grow attached to anyone, and that certain people - such as himself - were viewed as disposable by everyone. By the time his health had stabilized in his early teens, he had grown fed up with such suffocating conditions of being under constant care by people who - he thought - didn’t actually care about his life, and would simply pass him over again, and ran away to the fringes of the city to fend for himself. 

His life, from that point on, had become purely survival-based, even as his developing brain sought to accrue more knowledge about the world and the people in it. He hid in the shadows, using his small size & adjacent speed and dexterity to rob people blind before they had even realized what was happening, and using his remaining time to people-watch from an assortment of hiding spots, learning about the nature of human interaction, pursuing subjects that interested, and even learning about Nen this way.

Once he had adequately self-trained in Nen and developed his Divine Left Hand, Demonic Right Hand technique accordingly, this newfound ability caused an upset in Meteor City that eventually even reached the elders. Suddenly, people’s possessions were disappearing left and right, as if from thin air, and nobody knew why -- completely unaware that it was Kortopi’s doing, or even that the young boy existed.

Enter the Phantom Troupe. Skilled Nen users themselves, they managed to set up a trap to catch the culprit in the act of using this strange ability, and Kortopi took the bait. While the legs discussed amongst themselves on the matter of killing him or just leaving him be, Chrollo noted that Kortopi was appearing to keep the original objects he stole, and saw in him a thief, just like them, and decided to try and recruit him.

Kortopi was then cornered by the various legs of the Spider, and then approached by the Head. Though he was distrustful at first, Kortopi sensed a level of genuine compassion from Chrollo that he had never seen before in anyone, finding himself trusting in the words he spoke without question, surprising himself. Lulled in by this newfound sense of security and potential ‘belonging’, Kortopi accepted Chrollo’s offer, becoming leg #12 of the Spider.

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GENERAL INFO / PERSONALITY :

Kortopi doesn’t know his last name ( or at least, what it would’ve been had he ever reunited with his parents ) or how old he is. As of the events of the Yorknew Arc, he is 19, and when asked, he usually defaults to saying ‘same age as Shizuku’, since he’s aware that their timeline of entering child & adulthood seem to match up almost identically. He’s actually older than her by several months, a fact he’d find amusing if he were to ever find out his exact date of birth. 

Due to the troubled nature of his upbringing and the kindness that Chrollo showed him in allowing him into the group, he is fiercely protective of Chrollo and everyone within the Spider, and values their individual lives over the preservation of the group as a whole. This puts him directly in opposition of the group’s main principles and, as a result, of some of the founding members’ beliefs, as can be seen when he sides with Machi and is prepared to fight against Feitan and Phinks during the Chain User hostage dilemma. 

The Troupe is the first group of people he’s ever cared for and desires validation and acceptance from, and as a result, he often finds himself at a crossroads -- wanting to be by their sides at all times, yet too shy and afraid of making them upset to ever meaningfully reach out to them himself. Often times, he harbors his affection for them quietly, choosing to watch their group activities from a high perch or sit nearby, observing them. He never outright asks to be included, but very much enjoys when he is, and loves both giving and receiving physical affection.

Outside of the Troupe, Kortopi has a very nihilistic view of people and life as a whole. As was demonstrated to him when he was young and seemingly chronically ill, he believes that people will always seek to cast out the ‘other’ or anyone who causes too much trouble, and therefore feels justified in taking the lives of normal people, knowing they’ll eventually try and do the same to him. People outside of the Troupe are meaningless to him, and he will generally take their acts of kindness towards him as superficial no matter how good their intentions. 

Kortopi, like most members of the Troupe and most akin to Chrollo, does not fear death whatsoever. Having been on the edge of death countless times from both illness and the harshness of lone survival, he has an acute awareness that his time is limited, especially in the context of the Spider’s rule of new members being inducted by the killing of a current member. Because of this, he has no qualms doing things that may end in his death, or taking risks that may seem unwise. The future doesn’t exist to him - there is only the ‘now’.

His Spider tattoo is located between his shoulderblades, obscured by his long hair. He keeps his hair long both to obscure his tattoo and his face, keeping his identity hidden through both of these avenues. However, he’s not particularly self-conscious about his face ( as people often assume ) and he will often keep his hair behind his ears while he’s alone, eating, or around the Troupe in a private location. The appearance of his face isn’t a secret amongst anyone who knows him -- it’s rather average-looking, only made minorly off-putting by how large his eyes are, but otherwise nothing special. 

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INTER-TROUPE RELATIONSHIPS :

Chrollo is the first true figure of authority that Kortopi’s ever had in his life, and he regards him with immense respect and devotion, unable to be swayed from this by anything. He feels honored to be a part of his plans, and is always eager to show off his abilities and prowess to the leader, hoping to be praised. 10/10, would love headpats from Danchou at all times. 

Shizuku, Bonolenov and Shalnark are who he would consider his closest friends within the Troupe. These are the three he is most consistently able to overcome his shyness towards, and he can often be seen by their sides, a friendly presence that is always willing to listen to them and assist them in any way he can.

Machi and Pakunoda are both very calming presences to Kortopi, and he’ll often sit watching them read, sew or do other mundane activities, basking in their innate kindness and acceptance of him.

He desires to grow closer to Feitan, who he sees as someone similar to himself, but concedes to respectfully give him the space that he needs. He takes particular interest in observing his actions and attempting to analyze him past his cold and emotionless demeanor, and will jump at the chance to accompany him places or spend time with him in any capacity, hoping to see him open up with any luck and patient persistence.

Phinks, Nobunaga, Uvogin, and Franklin are all members with prickly outer demeanors and hair-trigger tempers, he’s found, but he’s witnessed them all to show care and affection to those they care about, and he finds them interesting to watch, often making a fun activity out of trying to predict their actions amongst Shal, Bono and Fei. He also feels gratitude whenever they show kindness to him, often reciprocating the gesture himself and taking amusement from their embarrassed reactions. 

Hisoka and Omokage give him a strong sense of unpredictability, contrasting with the rest of the Troupe’s firm resolves. He trusts them, as an extension of his trust in Chrollo, but finds their actions and demeanors mysterious, often interrogating them with curious questions to quell his own interest. 

Kalluto also gives him a sense that he may have hidden intentions, but this feeling is passed over in favor of feeling sympathetic to the young Zoldyck’s plight, as the only child in a group of highly skilled adults. Kortopi often tries to give him tips for navigating the Troupe, acting as a friendly big brother-type. 

❄❄❄

SKILLS AND ABILITIES ;

GENERAL COMBAT & TACTICAL SKILLS: [ found here ! ]

NEN ABILITIES: [ found here ! ]

❄❄❄

MISC. INFO :

He enjoys intellectual board games and is quite good at them, only being bested within the Troupe a small handful of times, usually by Chrollo. He is humble about this, and has no problem with stopping to explain any rules or mechanisms about the game should his opponent need such a thing.

In terms of sexuality, Kortopi is gay, but very, VERY demi and equally as shy. Even if he catches feelings, it takes a small eternity for him to be brave enough to distinguish them as such, and another one to actually act on them. Also, his chances of catching feelings outside the Troupe are pretty close to zero. Like, probably about %0.0001. Don’t count on him looking your way at all if you’re an outsider. 

His vocal chords are damaged, resulting in a deep, scratchy voice that tends to give people a fright when they first hear it. As a result, he can’t raise his voice very much, and avoids doing so unless absolutely necessary. It doesn’t hurt, but it results in a small fit of dry coughing that he finds unpleasant. 

The skin of his hands and feet are permanently colored a more pink-purple hue due to poor blood circulation throughout his entire body -- the rest of his skin is otherwise normal.

[blancheludis]

A/N: @stony-week, day 5: confessions

Fandom: Marvel, Avengers Relationship: Tony Stark / Steve Rogers Tags: Family, Established Relationship, Kid Peter, Nightmares, H/C, Fluff

Summary: Peter has a nightmare. Since Tony is not there, it falls to Steve to make him feel safe. 

---

The bed is too empty with only Steve in it. It is late but he is never able to sleep well when Tony is not there. They have established a routine of going to bed together, even if Tony gets up again later to get in some more hours in the workshop. Those first hours of the night are theirs, just like they drink their first coffee of the day together. These small things make their life together sometimes seem too good to be true.

So Steve is reading in bed when a sudden sense of wrongness overcomes him. Looking up, he startles when he finds Peter standing in the door to their bedroom, eyes red-rimmed, his hand clenched around his teddy. He is wearing one of Tony’s shirts and absolutely swims in it.

Steve is immediately worried. He loves Peter but he does not know how to deal with children. Usually, Peter is happy and full of cheer, always ready to explore the world. He seldom needs entertainment and often seems older than he is, already so smart. The world still is too big at times, especially for a five-year-old.

“What’s up, buddy?” Steve asks in a gentle tone, sitting up in bed. He has to hold himself back from jumping right to his feet to look for danger. Panic will likely not make Peter any less upset. “Why aren’t you in bed?”

Peter shuffles forward, just a small step. “Where’s Dad?” His voice sounds choked on tears and the kind of pure need that has Steve’s chest constricting.

Tony once confessed to Steve that he is terrified of being a bad father. From Steve’s point of view, that notion is ridiculous. Peter is everything to Tony. It does not matter how stressful things are at Stark Industries, how much work Tony has to do, how many deadlines he has to meet, he always takes time for Peter.

It has taken an eternity for Tony to leave Steve alone with Peter. Not necessarily out of distrust, but mostly because he did not want Peter to think he was getting tired of him, leaving him with strangers.

The more important it is for Steve to not mess things up now.

“Tony has to work tonight, remember?” Steve says, putting an emphasis on work. That is something Peter understands. No matter his young age, the workshop is already his favourite place. It is where the magic happens. “Aunt Pepper dragged him out earlier because he was trying to get out of it.”

Steve’s admittedly weak attempt at humour does not elicit as much as a twitch on Peter’s face. Instead, he crosses his arms in front of him, hugging his teddy close.

“I want my dad,” Peter exclaims unhappily.

Steve can practically hear new tears spring to the child’s eyes. With measures movements, Steve turns to put his feet on the ground. He does not get up yet, unsure whether he should perhaps wait for Peter to come to him.

“What happened?” Steve asks. When Tony left, Peter had already been sleeping soundly. Nothing particularly upsetting had happened this day either. “Did you have a bad dream?”

Peter hesitates before he nods his head. It seems like he avoids looking at Steve. Meanwhile, Steve is relieved. He remembers being terrified of sleeping when his ma was working the night shift, but she ultimately always came home. Nightmares are something they can deal with. Peter is not hurt or sick and that is all that matters.

“When’s Dad coming home?” Peter asks, sniffing quietly. He is still standing in the doorway, looking ready to run.

“Very soon,” Steve says, swallowing his I hope. He pulls the blanket back on Tony’s side of the bed. “Why don’t you come here and we’ll wait together.”

Steve does not expect Peter to jump at the opportunity and come running into his arms, but it is easy to admit that the way he remains frozen in place hurts a bit. Rationally, it is only logical. Steve is just the man Peter’s father brought home one night and introduced as someone who would stay with them. Forever is such a long time, especially for a child.

He tells himself to remain patient. If Peter wants to go back to his own room, they can work with that too. JARVIS is always there to watch over him, and Tony will be here within minutes if Steve tells him he is needed.

What feels like an eternity later, Peter comes into the room. The closer he comes to the bed, the more hurried his steps become. Deep down, Steve feels warm at having been deemed safe.

Steve helps Peter settle on the free side of the bed, pulling the blanket up around his shoulders once he is fully lying down. Despite never having imagined himself having children, the motions feel strangely familiar, comforting even.

Once they are both tucked in, Steve looks at Peter with what he hopes is a reassuring smile. “Do you want to tell me what you dreamed about?”

Immediately, Peter’s face closes off. “You’re not my dad.”

Steve winces in sympathy. He remembers having such a close connection to a parent. “No,” he says, not letting that near-rejection discourage him, “but I sometimes have bad dreams too.”

This confession visibly surprises Peter. “You do?” The quiver is not quite gone from his voice, but some curiosity has returned to his eyes.

“Yes. And I know why you want your dad.” Perhaps Steve should try to leave Tony out of the conversation, lest he makes his absence even more glaringly obvious, but they can hardly bond over the nature of Steve’s nightmares. “Tony helps me feel better after a bad dream too.”

“Does he tell you stories?” Peter asks, glancing at the book Steve has abandoned.

“Sometimes.” Steve smiles. Tony has a talent of turning his voice into a light Steve can follow back to reality. It does not even matter what he is talking about as long as he does not stop. “Sometimes he just holds me.”

Peter nods seriously but does not make a move to ask for either of those things. Instead, he looks up shyly. “Can we call him?”

Pepper is going to murder them if they cause Tony to leave this function, since it took her weeks to convince Tony to come in the first place. If they prove now that Peter does not want to stay home with just Steve, she will have a hard time getting Tony out ever again.

Still, Steve knows there is only one right thing to do. “Of course,” he says. “JARVIS, would you be so kind?”

One dial tone is all it takes for Tony to pick up. “What happened?” He sounds slightly out of breath and like he is steeling himself for bad news, but the moment his voice fills the air, Peter relaxes. His lip trembles as if he is going to cry again, although tears of relief this time.

“We’re all right, honey,” Steve says quickly to ban the worst fears from Tony’s mind immediately. They do not need Tony speeding here recklessly. “But we’re missing you.”

Before Tony can answer, Peter pipes up, “When are you coming home, Daddy?”

The way Tony’s voice changes whenever he is talking to his son will never cease to amaze Steve. All at once, it goes soft, full of love. The very moment Steve first heard Tony talking like that dissipated all his worries about entering a relationship with the infamous billionaire. His mother used to talk to Steve like that. To him, it is a sign of a good person.

“You’re sounding upset, underoos,” Tony says, all his attention shifting towards his son. The background noise through the phone cuts off abruptly, meaning he has gone somewhere private and is ready to leave if he has to. “Did Steve try to cook dinner again?”

“No.” Something very close to a giggle escapes Peter’s mouth, causing some of the weight to be lifted from Steve’s chest. If it hurts this much for him to see Peter in distress, he cannot imagine how it must be for Tony. “I had a bad dream.”

“And you went to Steve. That’s a very good idea,” Tony answers at once in a praising tone. “He always cheers me up when I’m sad too.”

“He’s helping,” Peter says, smiling shyly up at Steve.

Not for the first time, Steve realizes that he would do anything for this kid. Not just now, when he looks small and young and afraid. Peter’s well-being has become as important as Tony’s to him.

Incredibly gentle, Tony asks, “Want to tell me about it?”

“I dreamt –” Peter hiccups, half-burying his face against the pillow. “I dreamt you weren’t coming home.”

Steve is not surprised. Peter has already lost his mother, who kissed him goodbye one morning and went on a plane that crashed barely an hour after take-off. Despite his age, Peter is already familiar with grief and the fear that comes from the mere thought of losing more.

“Of course, I’m coming home, Peter,” Tony promises. “I won’t ever leave you.” There is that determination to make the world a better place for Peter, a safe place. “Also we have Steve to protect us.”

Goosebumps rise on Steve’s arm as he hears his own name said in Tony’s soft voice. This is not just for Peter’s sake. Sometimes Tony looks at him with that same once-in-a-lifetime wonder that makes Steve question what he did to deserve something this good.

“He’s not there with you,” Peter argues stubbornly. It might be an instinctive response but he shifts a little closer towards Steve. Not yet close enough for Steve to deem it safe to offer comfort, but they are getting there.

“But Aunt Natasha is,” Tony says with a smile audible in his voice, “and she’s a lot stronger than Steve. She’ll get me home to you.”

Natasha had been Steve’s idea. No matter how much Tony resents the idea, he is a public figure and therefore a target. He is rather tight-lipped about how many close calls or actual kidnappings he has endured, but when Steve stopped an attempt made by a group of masked men after one of their dates, Tony showed himself more amenable to the idea of protection. All Steve had to do then was mention Peter, and now there is no social function or press release or even dinner where no one is watching over him.

“Promise?” Peter asks, sounding so very young.

“Always.” Tony’s answer comes so promptly and so sure that it seems impossible that, during some bad nights, he has clung to Steve, worrying that he will never do right by Peter. “Do you need me to come right now?”

The expression on Peter’s face makes it obvious that he wants to say yes, but hearing his dad’s voice has already helped so much that he hesitates. “Won’t Auntie Pepper be mad?”

Steve knows she will make a show of it because someone has to think of Stark Industries. In the end, though, she is just as protective of Peter as everyone else who knows him.

“Not if I need to leave for you.”

Steve recognizes the urgency in Tony’s tone. Peter’s answer will not change much, Tony is already on his way, no matter what investor or board member he is going to anger with it. Peter will always come first.

Smiling shakily, Peter says, “I can wait for you with Steve.” This time he moves intentionally closer, trusting that Steve will open his arms for him. When he settles against Steve, it feels like the world has become infinitely lighter and impossibly heavy at the same time.

“That’s good,” Tony says. In a cheerful tone, he adds, “Make him tell you a story about Uncle Clint’s circus days. He can shoot arrows with his feet, did you know that?”

Peter looks up at Steve with big eyes, a smile tugging at his lips. “Love you, Dad.”

“Keep my bed warm until I’m home.”

Steve is not disappointed that Tony does not say anything to him. This was all about Peter, after all, and it will be only a matter of time until Tony is home. In fact, it is even a show of trust that Tony lets him deal with the situation on his own, without any last tips or orders.

Silence washes over them, making Steve acutely feel Tony’s sudden absence. He glances at Peter, trying to hide his worry. Only somewhat surprised, he sees that it was unfounded. Much less tense, Peter snuggles closer into Steve’s arms, then looks up at him with big eyes.

“Can Uncle Clint really do that?” he asks, his voice not as small anymore but finally curious again.

“I’ve seen it with my own eyes,” Steve says eagerly. He sends a silent thank you to Tony for giving him something specific to entertain Peter with. If he had to come up with something on his own, he might have just made things worse again.

Steve launches into the story. Since Clint is the main protagonists, he does not even have to embellish much. The archer is just that crazy.

It does not take long for Peter to fall asleep with a small smile on his face. It feels like an accomplishment to have made him feel safe again, even if Tony did most of the work.

Only now that the excitement of the night is finally over, does Steve allow himself to analyse the tension knotting his shoulders. The weight of Peter is heavy in his arms, but it is not exactly unpleasant. It just comes with so much responsibility that Steve is not sure he is ready for. Tony says the same, though, and he is brilliant with his son. Being a parent seems to be all about tackling problems without ever being sure one is ready for them.

Steve is not Peter’s parent, of course. They have such a strange family, thrown together without regards to blood or sense that it does not matter much. Steve is here now, and he is here to stay. He is not Peter’s father, but he already loves him.

Half an hour later, Tony arrives slightly breathless in their bedroom. He stops short in the doorway, smiling at the picture presenting itself to him: Peter curled up against Steve’s side. Steve knows the softness he feels must be visible on his face. Tony’s expression dissipates his last worries of him overstepping.

Without much ceremony, Tony takes off his clothes. The expensive suit lands in a heap on the floor. For once, Steve does not have the heart to scold Tony for that. Every movement shows Tony’s impatience to be done with it and join his family.

He fishes a shirt and fresh boxers out of a drawer, manages to put both of them on inside-out, and comes to a halt before the bed. His face is so incredibly soft that Steve’s fingers itch for paper and coal to immortalize this expression.

“Thank you,” Tony says as he lays down, careful not to wake his son.

“Always,” Steve answers. He wonders how to thank Tony in return for giving him this, this family, this chance at happiness. In the ends, he decides no words are needed. He shifts slightly to put an arm over Peter to pull Tony closer until they are all three touching, keeping each other safe. This is everything. This is home.

[doomedandstoned]

Closer To The End (part III)

I contend that human beings are not suited for the world we've fashioned for ourselves. Cases of anxiety and depression are practically ubiquitous, and suicide in all age groups is once again on the rise. Some will suffer mental afflictions that last years -- perhaps even for a lifetime. This is the third and final part of my story.

~By Billy Goate~

Cover art by Ruso Tsig additional art by Karl Briullov

I'm so tired of hearing that I'm wrong Everyone laughs at me, why me? I'm so tired of being pushed around I feel like I've been betrayed

We take each other's love, forget to give back Isn't it a pity, how we break each other's hearts I know we're only human and not to blame But who the hell are you to cause so much pain Why...

MEDICATION

My parents have been anti-establishment for as long as I can remember. In the climate of the 1980s, the institutions of the day were being called seriously into question. One of them was the authoritarian nature of public education (there's a reason why Pink Floyd's "Another Brick in the Wall" resonated so strongly with people). It's no surprise that my family got caught up in the first wave of the homeschooling movement. Other areas of modern life began to be called into question, as well, taking the family down a dark, windy road that led into conspiracy culture, extreme libertarianism, and religious dogmatism.

This distrust of the "experts" put us at odds with the medical establishment, too. "Doctors only know how to do two things," mom would often proclaim loudly in one of her famous rants, "cut you open or prescribe you pills." Natural medicine held the keys to recovery from all ills, be it cancer or the common cold. "All those chemicals aren’t good for your body," she insisted. "God put everything we need for healing in the ground." I’m not here to knock naturopathy (I was an ardent follower of this way of life for years) nor my mother for her convictions, but there are some things that can’t be cured by Saint John's Wort and herbal tea -- major depression being one of them.

At one point, my anxiety, melancholy, and a generalized feeling of social isolation reached such a heightened state I turned to hypnotism, enamored by an obscure radio program hosted by Roy Masters and his Foundation for Human Understanding. I was too young to understand the significance of most of the bullshit he was spewing, but it was the comprehensive approach to life that appealed to me. I wanted answers -- all of them. About the only thing I got out of it, though, was learning how to make my own arm go numb through self-hypnosis.

Later, I'd get caught up in a movement of Biblical counseling that rejected psychiatry altogether. "Christ has given us all things we need for life and godliness," says the holy writ, ergo we need none other than Jesus to cure our mental ills. Furthermore, the thesis said, since "God has not given us a spirit of fear" it must mean that the root of depression and anxiety is ultimately sin against God. The answer? Confess your sins and walk by faith, not by sight. In short, pray the sadness away. All of this had limited effectiveness in coping with the claustrophobic cloud of melancholy that was constantly with me.

Cough & Windhand: Reflection of the Negative by Windhand

The stigma of psychiatry and modern medicine kept me from treating my depression for damn near a decade. Somewhere in my late twenties, after a prolonged and particularly dark depressive spell, I decided to talk to my medical doctor about antidepressants. He started me on the industry standard, the well-known and well-marketed Prozac, which became a household name in the '90s. I took the first dose at bedtime and when I woke up, I was seriously hating the daylight. Feeling extraordinarily fatigued, all I wanted to do was sleep. I called in a rare sick day from work. The next day I was feeling groggy, but well enough to return. Giving it the good ol' college try, I took Prozac for several weeks as directed, but the side-effects just weren't worth it for me. That’s when I was referred to my first psychiatrist.

It was a weird feeling sitting in the waiting room for my appointment. I felt like I’d joined the ranks of the fragile, broken, and confused, perhaps even the insane. It was hard for me to see myself sharing anything in common with the others that shared the tiny lobby. The psychiatrist who greeted me looked like a regular chucklehead -- you know, one of those sidekicks from a sitcom that's not coming to me now. (It just came to me: Glen from the Tom Green Show.) A paunchy man in his 30s with wavy dirty blonde hair parted to the side donning wire-rimmed glasses, the shrink pulled out a notebook and started asking me about my background, while he busily took notes. Turned out, the man was very methodical in his approach. Over the course of the year, we cycled through all kinds of drugs -- Paxil, Effexor, Wellbutrin, Lexapro, Zoloft, and a lot of other names I'm not remembering, before finally settling on Cymbalta.

Certainly, this was something I didn't want to share with my coworkers, much less mom and dad. The first time I told my brother I was taking antidepressants, he was outraged. “You don’t need that stuff in your body. You don’t need pills to feel good.” I don’t know what it is about antidepressant medication that offends people so badly, but some people feel it is their personal mission in life to get you off of them. Why all the evangelical fervor? Are they secretly afraid they are "nuts," too? It’s not like I’m trying to get everyone else to take my medication, but suddenly these people, well-meaning or not, are trying to get you off of your meds.

I’ve seen YouTube videos from a guy claiming that God has cured him of his bipolar disorder and he flushed all his pills down the toilet (bad idea, by the way). Then a month later, he comes back online crying uncontrollably, talking about how he feels like God is testing him and asking viewers to pray to stop Satan’s onslaught. Moral of the story: It's dangerous to let people's religious opinions and untested hunches drive the agenda for our mental health.

I'm very reluctant these days to talk to anyone about my depression, because of all the rush to judgement involved. Ironically, it's this breakdown of community that I believe is at the heart of much of our mental health issues as a society. Look at the comments on any confessional video addressing burnout, depression, or anxiety and you'll find everyone is suddenly an expert who knows so well the precise and perfect solution to your problems. Well-meaning or not, it's incredibly annoying and I'd rather not have trouble with it. Hell, it took me two years to finish this article.

Depressed people are often viewed with the same cynical dismissiveness ascribed to angsty hormonal teens. "It's just a phase, you'll get through it," you're told with the reassuring wave of a hand. Besides, they remind you, "Happiness is a choice!" Because they are feeling chipper today, they have little patience for you dampening their mood. Others call you edgy when you say the pressures of life are so great that you feel like just turning off the lights on all of it. Still others will view you as selfish for leaving the family reunion early (or not wanting to participate in holidays at all). When you spend the whole weekend in bed sleeping, they'll accuse you of being indulgent, not realizing sleep gives you a respite from the hurt, guilt, and regret of painful memories or the misery of an unstable home life. Or the well-meaning "It Gets Better!" It doesn't always get better as life moves on.

Then there are those who try to talk you off your meds, entirely (cue: the ridiculously overwrought Facebook posts). We've all been privy to those conversations that strike a conspiratorial tone about how it was really the pharmaceutical companies that led to Chris Cornell's death. "You should just get off the stuff," they argue -- be it from noble intentions or just pride from clinging to an opinion they've stubbornly invested in.

Then there are those who are convinced that since Jesus (or Buddha, Allah Oprah, Jordan Peterson or juicing) gave them an escape from their depression, certainly it is the universal cure for all that ails you. Understand that I was a committed Christian for decades. I know what it is like to feel spiritually serene and I value many of the things the church gave me as a young adult, namely the fellowship, tolerance, and love. I know the feeling of peace that comes from believing in someone who reigns over the chaos and cares about your every need -- an ultimate being who will make sense of the nonsense one day.

I don't wish to diminish anyone's faith or diminish your personal experiences. The fact is, however, that major depression is as much a physical illness as cancer is. Certainly, there are transitional feelings of unhappiness, emptiness, and despair that come from facing situations that seem out of one's control -- the nightmare roommate, being laid off from a job, losing a loved one. It's also true that in most cases, this sadness can be overcome by a new perspective, trying better strategies, or simply allowing the passage of time to do its healing work. Depression can be impacted by one's beliefs, but there is a kind of depression that exists independently of one's perspective on life.

SUICIDAL TENDENCIES

Apart from this series of articles (which took me a good two years to publish), I've stopped sharing my depression with other people. It's annoying, because most people don't know how to listen and empathize. They want to jump in with a solution that, if implemented by nightfall, just might make a difference by daybreak. It's just more hassle than it's worth. Over time, I've gone from being someone with an intense need to belong, to not caring what people think about me at all. I'll often go out of my way to avoid anything deeper than transactional relationships. Once a social butterfly, you'll find me quite the hermit these days. As a consequence, while I was once open to sharing my feelings of loneliness and despair, I rarely mention them any more on social media and practically never to my IRL friends. I would be the last person to call a suicide hotline, by the way. Judge me if you wish, but I'm just being honest. If you want to know what is going on in the head of a severely depressed person with suicidal ideation, here's a least one brain you can peer into.

There's a general consensus that suicide is a selfish decision, even a cowardly act. This was a casual opinion of my own for years, as well. Not until suicide touches someone in your life -- or when you enter its despondent realm yourself -- does the ridiculousness of that notion becomes apparent. Understand that for a person to commit suicide, they have to overcome the brain's own strong predilection for self-preservation. It's not so easy to take the step of ending your life. Something has gone terribly wrong with the brain's ability to convincingly cry, "STOP!" for that to happen.

In my worst bout of depression, following the demise of long-term relationship, I reached the point where every waking moment was sheer misery. Some call this anhedonia -- the inability to feel pleasure. Normally, when we are feeling blue, we seek out something to stimulate our pleasure receptors. That's why ice cream, chocolate, and Reese's Peanut Butter Cups are popular go-tos for the bummed out. For me, it's always been music and movies. On this particular week, though, I had somehow lost the capacity to find any joy whatsoever in the usual pastimes. Anything that attempted to pacify my mood met with my contempt. The only thing I could do to escape the agony of just being alive and conscious was to sleep...and sleep I did. At first 8 hours a night, up from my usual 7. Then it advanced to 9, 10, 11, 12 hours. When dawn came, a wave of misery washed over my mind again.

Once, I woke up feeling so despondent that I knew with absolute clarity that I could end my life. Today, I could actually do it. Immediately upon this realization, I wept bitterly. I've not cried like that before or since. If anything, I've become more stoic about the idea of suicide. Don't get me wrong, my internal sense of self-preservation is still quite strong. The problem is that in moments of severe depression, that instinct is dampened. You'll do just about anything just to get rid of the feeling of misery making it unbearable to be awake.

DOOM AWAKENING

One of the most important developments in treating my depression, besides medication and therapy, was the discovery of doom. There's an old expression that misery loves company. I don't know about you, but when I listen to music it's not generally to cheer me up. No, I want my tunes to have a certain level of commiseration with what I'm feeling and going through at the time. When I discovered (quite by accident) Saint Vitus, I knew I'd found my soul food. I can't fully explain that eureka moment when Dave Chandler belted out that first downtuned note on the guitars on "Born Too Late" or when Wino joined with plaintive lyrics for "I Bleed Black." This resonated with me powerfully. It brought chills. This was medicine for my weary head, a kind of mental morphine to dull the pain. I'd come to the Roseland Theater for Down and left with Saint Vitus.

As a funny aside, my roommate (who accompanied me to the show) and I rehashed the bands of the night, giving our two cents on this or that. One thing he said still makes me smile a little inside. "What did you think of Saint Vitus?" I asked. "I don't think they're the kind of band that will withstand the test of time," he remarked. "Well," I rejoined, "they have been playing now for over 30 years and were the co-headliners on a national tour, so their sound must be resonating with a good number of people." Sure, it wasn't for everyone, but on that night my doom had come.

Every song on 'Born Too Late' (1986) so perfectly captures the malaise of the deeply wounded soul, not just in lyrics but in the whole vibe. There's a thick, smoky haze permeating the record and it reminds me a lot of what it feels like after you've poured out your heart until you've got no more tears left to cry. Come on, don't pretend you're so macho that normal human emotions elude you. It's hard to put doom into words, but I'll try: on the one hand you feel emotionally exhausted because you've emptied out all those pent up feelings of loss, fear, regret, and frustration, on the other hand there's a feeling of "reset" and it often makes things much clearer to sort through. For me, when I've exhausted all my emotional resources, I'm left with a feeling of blithe acceptance. A sense of being dealt a set of cards by the impartial hand of fate. That's the kind of vibe that Saint Vitus captures perfectly for me on this record.

I spent entire weekends on those long, wonderful rabbit trails of discovery. "Dying Inside" led me to Trouble's "The Tempter" with its oh-so-tragic central riff. Lyrically, the songs I was running across could not have been more apropos.

Pentagram, The Skull, and Candlemass were not lingering far behind. Then came the more recent monoliths of doom: Electric Wizard, Windhand, High on Fire, Burning Witch, Khanate, Pilgrim, Serpentine Path, Usnea, Demon Lung, Ancient VVisdom, Dopelord, and the NOLA sludge scene, along with lesser known but equally as powerful acts like Undersmile, Shepherd's Crook, Reptile Master, Purple Hill Witch, Witchthroat Serpent, March Funèbre, Beldam, Hooded Priest, Regress, and 71TONMAN (listen to the Spotify playlist).

Doom metal spoke to me with a sharp realism that I connected with immediately. When you have no strength left to get angry at the world, you switch your listening habits from Car Bomb to Cough. You can say, I suppose, that doom was my salvation. It kept me hanging on a little while longer. The salve of those slow, low riffs gave me a strange feeling of consolation. "We know life sucks, too. Welcome to reality." It's like being awakened to the Matrix, but feeling there's not a damned thing you can do to change any of it. Your fate is sealed. It's an honesty that is both refreshing and freeing, I suppose, though one does wish to reclaim the notion of hope.

Believe it or not, even after writing all of this, optimism is my default mode. When I'm feeling well, and even when my depression is at low levels, the needle always leans towards inspiration, creativity, even a mischievous sense of humor and an aw, shucks smile that people tend to notice. I don't want to be depressed. The problem is that severe depression can make you feel, illusion or not, like you're paralyzed from doing anything about it.

As I've experienced more and more cuts and scrapes of life, I've become increasingly numb to it all, like the massive build-up of scar tissue. Things that upset me easily in the past might still hurt, but I've come to expect them, so they have the impact of a dull table knife. Perhaps I'm becoming a nihilist, despite my optimistic tendencies. It's hard not to be. Don't worry about me, though. If anything, I want to stick around to see what's going to happen next. It's the inborn curiosity we all have inside of us -- the same thing that I imagine kept Stephen Hawking going for decades after being wrecked by a disease that cruelly mangled his body into its famously misshapen form, stealing away his most basic expressive freedoms -- save for the power of his eyes and the thoughts behind them.

I've also made a deliberate attempt to pursue treatment (both psychiatric and psychological care) for my depression, which I urge you to do if you are likewise laboring under its crushing weight. The perspective of time, coupled with a remedy for mind and body can have a significant impact on your perspective, if not your life circumstances.

THE WINDY ROAD AHEAD

Learn from your mistakes, don't dwell on them. Repeated affirmations like this one may seem trite, but they are ultimately true. You can be free from the chains of guilt and move forward, as one performer puts it, "from strength to strength."

Don't kill yourself (literally or metaphorically) for someone else or for someone else's decisions. It may bum you out that a roomie decided to take your money and run or that you were rebuffed by a long-time crush or made jobless through corporate-wide cuts. You don't own that, they do.

Walks

Get off the couch, move that bod. Something as simple as a walk down the block or a drive out of town can do wonders for your perspective. As a homeschool teen living under the strict rule of a radical fundamentalist household in rural East Texas, my one salvation were those long walks in the open field -- especially when my parents started having loud, intense fights related to my mom's own mental health. I sorted through so many of life's problems (most of which seemed much larger then than they do now) through those solitary, hour-long strolls.

I really miss that where I live now, in a more congested neighborhood, so I have to find other ways of getting away from it all (getting up and out a half-hour before the other walkers, for instance, helps). Even if I don't want to rustle myself awake and move around to do as simple a task as taking out the trash, sometimes the feeling...let me revise that...quite often the feeling follows after the decision has been made and the body is in motion.

Projects

Another piece of advice I have for coping with depression is to channel your frustrations in projects. When I'm depressed, I throw myself into my work. Hell, Doomed & Stoned started because I needed a project to pour myself into. My counselor asked me once, "If you woke up tomorrow without depression, what would be different about your world?"

She encouraged me to start with the things that were in my immediate vicinity. "Well, there wouldn't be mail strewn all over the floor. My dirty clothes would be in the hamper, my clean clothes folded and put away. I'd take the time to cook myself a meal, instead of running out the door eating a quick bite out of some package."

Good, let's make a list and start there. Do at least one of the things on your list between now and the time we meet again next week.

Talks

Despite my isolationist ways, I begrudgingly admit that talking often helps, too. Though I'm an introvert and am horrified at the idea of sharing my feelings with others, I've reached points in my depression where I was compelled to tell others about it. It's as natural to do that as to cry out when your body is experiencing jolting pain. I'm one of those verbal processors that tends to sort through my problems by talking to someone else. Often, pride or shame or lack of trust gets in the way of sharing with our family and friends, so at the very least the much talked about Suicide Prevention Hotline could actually help you gain perspective on your situation.

Journals

If you don't talk, at least journal. Again, I'm not a journaler and this is the first time in almost three decades that I've written about anything related to my depression. Role play with me. You're a scientist studying the human psyche. How would you describe those feelings you call depression? When I was first asked to describe it to a counselor, I found myself at a loss for words. She helped me with prompts:

Can you tell me what it feels like?

"I walk around feeling like a dark, thick raincloud is hovering all around me all the time."

Do you feel it in a part of your body?

"Well, yeah, I guess. The head. And the chest. It feels like there's pressure building from all around me, like my head is going to explode. My heart feels like it's going to leap out of my chest."

What's happening around you when these feelings arise?

I'd then go on to detail some recent happenings. She'd press me further to describe the kinds of thoughts racing through my head in these situations. All of this was really helpful in getting me to define this nebulous, gray malaise that was following me everywhere I went.

I don't keep a journal, per se. Something about it feels needlessly egotistical, a vain attempt to reinforce the illusion in our YouTube fame crazy world that my life is worth discovering and remembering at some point in the distant future. And yet, writing down one's thoughts can be another effective way of untangling that anxious ball of feelings that keeps me from thinking rationally about the depression I'm feeling.

Today is my birthday, but I couldn't care less. It's not about getting old. I stopped caring about that 10 years ago. It's something about celebration, specifically when the attention is on me. I can't adequately describe how contemptuous I find it. My last birthday was spent alone in an empty house and a bottle of Scotch, catching up with past seasons of Game of Thrones. I was so glad it was over and the happy birthday wishes stopped. There's nothing special about this day for me.

At some point, my family stopped celebrating birthdays and holidays. I'm not sure when it happened or why. Certainly not for religious reasons, more probably for financial ones. I grew up in a family that barely scraped by, so birthdays seemed a luxury we couldn't afford. Now, it just feels indulgent. More than that, it feels sad. It reminds me of all the disappointments, hurts, and failures of the past year. It's not as though it's all bad, of course. If nothing else my birthday gives the illusion that a chapter has turned, with new possibilities for the future. I also have to come to terms with how many people out there actually seem to care about me, maybe even love me.

And later that day, I forced myself to go to a show I was quite enthused about, but didn't factor in depression being the party pooper.

I can't account for what it is that comes over me. There are people here that genuinely like me, who probably even want to get to know me better, but I push them away. Not so much directly, but indirectly, by excusing myself to use the restroom and then changing my mind midway and just leaving the venue -- without even the courtesy of a "goodbye" to friends or a "great show" to the bands. I feel awful about it afterwards, but in that moment it's like a flood of emotional pain washes over me and it feels like I'm carrying an anchor chained around my neck. I feel the great urge to find my way to unlit corners. To look busy and preoccupied. Would it hurt me to say hello? To smile? Perhaps not, but right now my psyche is tingling like some kind of Spidey Sense telling me, "Get out of here! Just get your shit and leave...NOW."

As dour and hopeless as that may feel, just the act of writing it down afforded me a release, which incidentally I did not feel until the writing was all said and done.

Hope, a new beginning Time, time to start living Just like just before we died

Hurt, falling through fingers Trust, trust in the feeling There's something left inside There's no going back to the place we started from.

ONE MORE THING

For those of you who are wondering what you can do for a friend, family member, coworker or just someone you know casually from shows you both frequent, I couldn't say it better than one of my longtime fellow travelers in doom, who offered up this advice:

"While it's all very well and fucking dandy that there are so many people telling those who are struggling to reach out to them, I don't think people are quite understanding just how mental illness works sometimes. People quite often don't reach out, because those that are suffering from mental illness, at times, feel like they are a burden by unloading their shit onto someone else, despite the invitation to do so. It's generally the same concept that leads on to suicide.

I obviously can't speak for everyone, but I can speak for myself when I say the last thing I want to do is reach out to anyone because I feel like I am a burden and everyone would be better off without me -- and that is ultimately why I don't reach out. The point that I'm trying to get at is if you see someone struggling YOU reach the fuck out. If you don't see someone who used to be around, YOU reach the fuck out. Think about it. It's not that hard."

Well said and completely on the mark. At the same time, if you're feeling alone and uncared for, you may look at people’s lack of inquiry as more confirmation that you are worthless trash. You may interpret a busy person's slight as utter rejection. Don't worry about what others may or may not think of you. You need to take care of you, for you. The future is fickle. Your fortunes can change on a dime, so why base your self-worth and your decision about whether to live or die by how you feel right now? Ride it out, seek out help, get a game plan in play.

I say this as someone who knows how hard it can be to get mental health. I was double insured -- through my employer and the Veterans Administration -- and I couldn't get a god damned psychiatric appointment to reevaluate and adjust my meds. I called all over town trying to get in with someone. "Sorry, we're not accepting new patients" was the universal refrain. The VA would just be too many month's wait, I told myself, based upon how long it has taken me in the past to get a conventional medical appointment. In desperation, I called up my primary care doctor who asked if I was suicidal. For the first time in my life, I knew with full certainty the answer was yes. The more miserable I felt, the more I contemplated dying. If I did it, it would be something quick and sudden, I would daydream in my most despondent moment. "You need to check yourself into the hospital now," she told me adamantly. I did exactly that. I walked into the ER and told them I was suicidal. They led me to a room, had me take off all my clothes, and put on a hospital gown. I stayed in a padded room waiting for a social worker to see me. It was a desperate move, but it did pay off in getting me fast-tracked to see a psychiatrist.

One thing I learned about medication from my new psychiatrist (because he was very caring, very careful, and hence very effective at his job) is that everyone’s brain chemistry is uniquely different. There can be other issues impacting mood, too, such as thyroid, environmental stressors, sleep problems, vitamin deficiencies, and so on. Again, it’s often hard to see whether the cart is leading the horse or the horse is leading the cart, in terms of the mind-body connection. Long story short, this doctor adjusted my meds to near perfection to get me through the rare summer-long depression I was experiencing.

Just a few months later, he got hired away to work for the County and I was left back in the same boat once again. I got a great referral, but didn't realize until bills came in I couldn't pay that the doctor was out of my insurance network. Believe me, many people prefer to go without care entirely than to go into debt and I was one of them (truthfully, I still am). I went another year until I couldn't take it anymore and this time in my desperation reached back out to the VA. Surprisingly, they saw me within a week and prioritized my suicidal depression. I'm now in a good spot as a result, but it was a long, windy, uncertain road getting here. I know it's hard to find help. Sometimes you don't know what's available to you until you knock a little louder and get people's attention.

The older I get, it seems the more stubborn I am, particularly when it comes to reaching out and asking for help. Perhaps I've always been that way and am only now realizing it's become a liability. After taking off three weeks during the holidays to catch up with the many projects that were piling up around me, I realized that my depression was sometimes stronger than my will to power through and do my best work. I would find myself sitting at the computer for hours trying to get started with a story, trying to edit audio for a podcast, trying to prepare a team member's submission for publication, and every time I would find myself coming up against something painful, perhaps similar to the long recognized creative crimp known as writer's block. I describe it as an inhibitor chip in my brain that sends pain signals to my psyche whenever I contemplate moving forward.

Of course, rationally, I know it's all just a matter of the will, right? That's what those who aren't experiencing depression will tell you, at least. They don't want to go to the gym, but they make the choice to do it anyway, so why can't you just "man up" and do what needs to be done? Well, those aren't so much the messages other people give me, as they are my own conscience. The guilt itself from a day coming and going without results adds its own layer of complication to my mood. Thankfully, I have a wonderful counselor who understands and is helping me to tackle this with cognitive strategies. This, coupled with sensible medical treatment, has at least helped me to find "even flow" again.

Finally, you're going to have some bad days where you may even want to be productive, but your body feels like it's in revolt. As a creative person who loves to pour myself into as many projects as I can when I'm feeling good, it can be extraordinarily frustrating to not even feel the will to check email, open a letter, or listen to a stitch of music. Most days, I'm trying to work in concert with my body's natural rhythms. I'm more of a morning person and get my best work done between 8AM and 11AM. Anything after that is going to be hit or miss with diminishing returns. With that in mind, I have to hold back from starting new projects before the ones already on my plate are finished, because when I'm feeling good, I think I can take on the world.

This is all a part of me rediscovering what it's like to feel balanced, bright, and in love with life. It can be frustrating to have that feeling back, only to watch it wither away as the week progresses. Since I have very high expectations of myself, it's natural for me to heap guilt upon guilt for all the missed opportunities, but beating myself up only compounds the problem (it took me a long time to really get this about myself, too). Every day is a struggle, but I've decided I'm staying in the fight for the long haul.

In short: Be patient with yourself. Be fair with yourself. Be good to yourself. Remember, this too shall pass.

"Someday you're going to die, just like some day I'm going to die. But until then, you fight like hell to stay alive, you get that?!"

-- William Holden, The Earthling (1980)

[cassinixii]

Title: Completed-- 3K audition {The Broken Prince} Published: July 6, 2017 | 7:17pm Description:

Thank you so much @/lunaofthemiste! I love Adalbert Vortigen, but Prince Brecht held a special place in my heart. I made various changes to his bio and personality to better fit with the previously established roles of his parents and sister, but let me know if I should change anything.

Three Kingdoms Final Audition Template Information Set: http://www.polyvore.com/cgi/set?id=222167622 Information Collection: http://www.polyvore.com/cgi/collection?id=6584358

Name: His Royal Highness (HRH) Prince Adalbert Francesco Ernest Pereret Age: 28 Faceclaim: Tom Hiddleston

Role: THE BROKEN PRINCE Male, 20+ - The heir to the throne in Sivalon, possesses illegal magic ability and fears the powerful magic he wields. Is fairly close to the Half-Breed Princess but to not much else.

Nationality: Sivalonian Occupation: Crown Prince of Sivalon

Personality: Charming and collected, he's always kind, polite, and well mannered, as a good prince should be. Courageous, honourable, just, and particularly dutiful, he is also, however, greatly reserved, and guarded. Trust doesn't come easily to him, or rather, it'd be more accurate to say it doesn't come to him at all, he's dubious even around his parents. The only person he truly trusts with no reservations is his younger sister. This, of course, stems from his childhood and discovery of his possession of magic. Generally speaking, he always cordial and genteel with others, but he doesn't let people in on his true feelings on the matter, whether it be how he feels about a flower arrangement or the suppression of a book. Brecht is awfully careful and cautious of how he is perceived by others, excluding his immediate family. He is very careful to always present himself as a dutiful, "good son," and rarely openly argues with his father on any matter. He's not ignorant to the plight of the people, magical and unmagical alike, but does feel that he ultimately lacks any real power to change that until he becomes king.

Brecht is primarily motivated, in literally everything he does, by his love for his Kingdom and family, and constantly considers what would most benefit them. When it comes down to it, he would choose his country over the world, but his country is in the world, so it's as though that would be an option, however, potentially defying his father, the King, which by definition makes him the Kingdom, is another matter, and a constant dilemma for the princeling (well, just prince, he's almost 30 now, but I like the word "princeling". It's a good word). He's more lenient and anti-pointless wars than his father in nature, and prefers the diplomatic approach, and generally has less extreme reactions than his father to, well, everything. The King's pretty extra in everything, but Adalbert is more measured. He's also quite good at hiding his true feelings, having grown adept after years of carrying commands of his father's, regardless of whether or not he agreed with them, as well as needing to suppress his emotions to keep his powers from showing themselves. But due to this, he has difficulty expressing his true emotions to most, with the exception of the half-breed princess and a little bit the oblivious queen. Additionally, due to his constant suppressing of emotions, when his anger is brought forth, it's quite violent, both with a explosive manifestation of his powers and aggressive physical behaviour, with which is he more adept at and comfortable with using (physically fighting), generally though, such a situation would require immediate threat to the lives of his loved ones.  

Brecht has more complicated feelings in regards to magic. He was taught from a young age that it's impure and should be destroyed, but additionally has magic himself, and has been hiding it from a young age, as well as enduring insane things his father did to literally yank the "evil" out of him. He's more willing to accept not all magic practioners are evil, however, his upbringing has generally taught him to greatly distrust and despise it, which he also more or less does. He's rather fickle about it and uncertain, and his opinion on magic and it's users does often sway, he also lacks the conviction to actually stick up for his potential/temporary positions that magic users should not all be killed, and generally hides behind his father's back in a sort of "well, maybe they shouldn't all be killed, but Daddy said so, what can you do." He feels regretful about wiping about entire families simply due to one largely inheritable trait, but hasnâ���™t done anything to stop it and generally deflects blame onto his father, which isn't entirely wrong, but he doesn't yet consciously acknowledge that as crown prince, he could be using his position to do something about it, however, he does feel a nagging sense of guilt or failure that further fuels his "good son" behaviour.

Likes: books, tea, swords, the stars, emerald green, dark blue, the night sky, lilies, sunset, horses, cats.    

Dislikes: dishonesty, dishonourable behaviour, roses, daddy-not-so-dearest, hypocrisy, swans, the sea, boats, gold

Weaknesses: He's got a couple; his family, on various levels, his father tends to ignite his rage, sister his fear, and his mother, well, he's resentful of her, but does love her. Also magically, fire is the opposite to his powers, so that's technically a weakness, though right now, he's super against his magic, so it's presently a plus. He can't swim, that's another. His life is constantly in danger, if he ever publically reveals his magic in court, he'd probably be executed.

Fears: - his father realizing he still has magic - his father realizing his sister has magic (*though, I'm slightly unsure if he knows about her magic @/brigee3) - ice (water in extension), mainly due to the link with his powers

Abilities/Skills: - raw magic: ice manipulation (he's completely untrained, and in moments of extreme emotion can freeze an entire room, possibly more. He hasn't really explored his abilities and tries his best to always remain level headed and calm to keep them at bay, and always wears an iron ring on his right forefinger.)       - fluency in many languages, including, but not limited to; Orcadish, German, Italian, Latin, French, Spanish, and English.       - extremely skilled sword fighter, a skilled fighter in general, he's adept at many a weapon, including a mace, morning star, lance, and can throw the pointy ones at a target (moving and stationary) with quite the degree of accuracy, but the sword remains his preferred weapon. Contrary to his overall personality, he has an extremely aggressive fighting style, as well as being agile and quick moving, he nearly always strikes to kill. He's also ambidextrous (with weapons), but favours his left. - excellent strategist (and literally the only thing he's okay with openly disagreeing with his father about, not in a antagonistic way, more as a healthy debate)   - skilled diplomat - amateur historian

Hobbies: - riding - reading (mainly history, particularly about wars) - training with a sword (it's the equivalent of yoga for him.)

Family: - HM King Damiano III // Father // Craig Parker // @/lunaofthemiste - HM Queen Orabella // Mother // Sarah Parish // @/lunaofthemiste - HRH Princess Alia-Lise // Half-sister // Lily Collins // @/brigee3

Background: Having been born the heir of a great and powerful Kingdom (pretty sure that's Sivalon's official tagline, if taglines existed in the 1400's), he was trained in the art of monarchy and princeship from birth. He remained untrained, however, in the art of magic. According to his mother he was born cold, but his earliest memory of his powers manifesting is around the age of 5. Memories of his childhood, overall, he prefers not to recall, as whenever he first displayed signs of magic, his parents covered it up, and his father began trying to remove Brecht's powers himself. Eventually, with his mother's help, he began hiding his magic. Her help was inconsistent, but he managed to start figuring it out himself, limiting himself to a single piece of iron jewelry, and learning to keep his emotions steady. He became pretty good at keeping himself calm, and level-headed, though he's had outbursts, and had simply refused to leave his rooms until he had returned to calm and was certain he wouldn't suddenly freeze something. The sudden disappearances had led to a few rumours of a brooding and unsociable prince, which he's worked hard to overcome, but still disappears every now and then.

When he could finally suppress for long periods of time, he began taking up the physical lessons and activities required of a prince, even more of a crown prince, such as swordplay, etc, and eventually began attending council meetings, initially as a shadow, but became more active as he aged. Though more theological differences emerged as Brecht sharpened his own mind, but he choice not to voice those disagreements, opting instead to internalize and change things when he is king, as well as distance himself from the king. However, originally, he was close, of sorts, with his father. He feared him, but he loved and respected him, closely shadowing him in council meetings, and for a long time, Brecht believed that his father was doing the right thing, by hiding and attempting to remove his magic, and though fear resulted in him eventually hiding his powers, however, he eventually began to the King's hypocrisy, and power hungry-ness. Brecht's hatred of his father was cemented following his annexation of Vravia. Invading for power or wealth or something similar, Brecht could've lived with, but because they were lifting the ban on magic? That was hypocritical of Damiano, considering their own history of magic.  To Brecht, it seems as though his father is potentially indifferent to magic, if he truly felt that magic was the source of all things evil, then instead of trying to remove something that seems to be largely passed on by blood (-aka- genetics), he should've killed Brecht instead of trying to remove the "evil". In all honesty, he believes that if magic helped Damiano to conquer all 4 kingdoms, his father would immediately embrace it.  

His dislike of his father, however, began a while earlier (before the annexation of Vravia) with his father's betrayal of his mother. Despite the complex background, he was young enough to imagine that his parents truly loved each other, the new distance was clearly his fault for being born with something evil. His view of his father was knocked down a few pegs when his half-sister was born, and his mother pretended she was hers to avoid scandal (his opinion of his mother increased for bearing something so distasteful), and he initially disliked his younger sister, seeing her as the visual form of his father's unfavourable treatment of his mother. However, he eventually came to see the similarities in his parents, both pursued what they wanted without much regard for those whom they harmed in the process, and grew close to his sister in turn, since was literally innocent of everything (he also started seeing himself as something less hateful, but that self-hatred was deeply entrenched in him by that point, and bits of it still linger within). The realization also made him begin to resent his mother, but she did make some vague efforts and motions of kindness towards his sister and himself, so doesn't hate her to the level he does his father. In fact, he wouldn't use the word hate in regards to her at all.

Why did they join the rebellion?: To usurp his father, he deeply detests the man, honestly, all of his hatred is probably spent on his father. Despite his own fickleness regarding magic, his father's flip flop of hide when useful, and persecute when useful, is extremely egregious in his opinion, and he can't just keep waiting for his father to die and for him to ascend the throne, the way things are going, there won't be much of a kingdom left if his father continues in his ways. He's also worried that their neighbouring nations will band together and invade, giving their people as much leniency and mercy as his father did Vravia. To protect his kingdom, and some of his family, he does believe that his father should be stopped, sooner rather than later.  

Other: - Nicknames: Brecht and Elbert - "adalbert" is the ancient Germanic form of "Albert", and is composed of Ancient German elements; "adal", meaning "noble" and "beraht ", meaning "bright". But if I'm being honest, I simply named him after Prince Consort to Queen Victoria I of Great Britain, Prince Albert of the House of Saxe-Coburg and Gotha - not fond of ice, or water in general, mainly due to his powers, and thus cannot swim and experiences sea sickness, and rather uncomfortable in (on?) ships. (also, I'm just now realizing how Elsa he is. And I thought the Henry V references were a bit much) - he rides/has a black horse named Vortigen and has a white fluffy cat named Kriemhild (pronounced KREEM-hilt)

Tag @/lunaofthemiste and @/sakuuya

Tag 3+: @/drownedinmoonlight @/nikkit13 @/grantsolo

Group Link: http://www.polyvore.com/three_kingdoms_an_oc_battle/group.show?id=20955

[robultrash]

Here Are Some Reasons Why Saeran Would Probably Be A Bad Father (Yes Even After All Of His Good Endings)

Wow. I’m sure this won’t be controversial! 

Now, before I start, here me out. I LOVE Saeran. His characterization to me is something of fascination and while I do not agree with the way Cheritz has taken his character with recent new routes, I can’t deny that he is and will stay one of my favorites. And as a reminder this is based off my own interpretation of him as a character and may not line up with what you think. You do not have to agree nor am I forcing you to agree, this is merely a summation of my own thoughts and ideas about him. 

So, anyway

1. He will never allow any sort of self expression within his children. 

So right off the bat I can here the arguments, but think about his appearances throughout both the cannon and the Other Story routes. Self expression is more than an act of rebellion for Saeran. The way he dresses, the way he wears his hair, the colors he chooses, all reflect a certain type of person who he is. 

If his child came up to him with a new tattoo that says ‘Eat Pray Love’ or whatever the kids these days like, he will automatically view that as a declaration of identity. His children will in no way be allowed to do things like dye their hair, or pierce their bodies, or get like, weird colored contacts. Because to him those aren’t individual expressions of a complex character. There is no complexity in the way he portrays himself. He is either sweet nice Ray in his magenta coat and flowers, or he is really scary, border line abusive Unknown persona. And I can’t imagine that idealization not following over into his children, even after years of finding his true self and working on that. He will forever fear the identity these children will create, and why?

2. His distrust in the world is ultimately going to carry over into his parenting.

This man at a young age, was signed over into a cult of lies and fear. He has known nothing except that world, and while he does manage to escape it, how in the world is he ever supposed to trust anything, like, ever? Even after working with Saeyoung to better trust or falling in love with MC and realizing the real world isn’t out to hurt him, it isn’t going to kill the notion that the world isn’t evil. He witnessed first hand the terrors of what misguided love can do. I don’t think he would even wish to have kids, let alone raise them in a world that can like, do those things to him? Like, that resent isn’t just going to go away, right? Even if he has kids with MC and they grow up and he’s genuinely happy, is he really going to let his kids out of his sight? No. What’s he’s probably going to end up doing is reverting to his controlling self, since the easiest way to deal with one’s own lack of control in life is to control another (Something Saeran has a clear history of doing). As much as I know his intentions would be in the right place, those kids would end up growing resentful and untrusting, just like their dad. 

3. How is going to accept his significant other sharing the attention?

Now, if it came to the point where they were going to have kids, we would like to think that he overcame this desperate need to be MC’s one and only, and that having kids will be a way to share her with more of the things he loves. Except, Saeran doesn't seem to have that kind of resolve. Even with his SAVIOUR, he is completely reluctant in sharing MC with anyone. He desperately needs her to be his alone. The only reason I think he even allows Rika into her life is because of her complete control over him, and even then we see hints of feeling a bit resentful and hurt when MC spends more time with her then him. Even in the canon route he admits to hating seeing MC enjoying themselves with the RFA, and again, the only reason he allows it to happen is because of Rika. If he could have it his way, like in the Christmas special, MC would be all eyes on him and nothing more. And while we can assume that he is going to bet better once you get your happy ending with him, there is just no reason to believe that he will overcome his dependency. It is much more likely for him to do so in the canon route, and that is only because his end outcome isn’t with the MC. He does not get indulged in his obsessions, he is forcefully thrusted out of them. Now I know he isn’t totally indulged in Another Story, but it kind of feels like a child throwing a tantrum for candy, and getting it after he’s calmed himself down. Like, he was still throwing a huge fit. He juts happened to correct himself without an adults help. Which leads me to another point.

4. What are the punishments going to be like for the children?

Now, I am big against any sort of physical punishment. And I can imagine that Saeran would be as well, considering all of his past. But how is he going to be expected to properly raise a child? His ideas of right and wrong and a bit skewed, and while will be worked on probably resides deep in him to the point that forever he is going to have to think long and hard on whether yelling at his child for spilling milk is appropriate or not. And we know that Saeran is very reactionary. He doesn’t think long about any of his actions. He is dead set on his first response no matter what it is. And if he cannot decide fast enough if his reaction is appropriate, are those kids ever really going to learn what is good and what is bad? Like, MC will be there,  I assume, but she cannot be responsible for the moral compass of their children they both need to play that role, and while I have no doubts that Saeran wouldn’t try his best, I would not trust him not to overreact to minor offences, and under react to possibly like changing consequential ones. (That is, of course, if he even allows them the chance to make such decisions. .Because of the whole controlling thing.)

In Conclusion:

I don’t think Saeran would be a good parent. If he were to become one, I would hope it would be in the Canon route after years of therapy and only if he plans to raise it with someone who is ready to deal with some really hard shit. (And if that’s the case I really hope that they would decide not to have children at all) And also I know that if anyone reads this I might get hate because ‘I am making him out to be a monster’ and no. That isn’t it. I just think that Saeran wouldn’t make a good parent and probably wouldn’t want to be one anyways. Not being able to parent because you can’t handle it isn’t evil. There are a ton of people out there who birth kids who should NOT BE PARENTS. And I think Saeran is one of them. Thanks for coming to my Ted Talk. Bye. 

[silverwhisp-headcannons-blog]

Kimohito now has a human boy added to his house. The boy is afraid of liminals because of a bad previous experience with one that scarred him, physically and mentally. He shows no hatred towards extraspecies, just pure fear. His parents asked smith to put him in a house where he can learn they’re not all bad people. They hope he can get past his fears and maybe make friends. How would the interactions between Him, Tio, Rachnera, and Miia go?

This actually gives me an idea for a fan fiction type thing but for now I’ll stick with the three… And may add more later in different parts. XD

Tio:*She was one of the first extra species Smith introduced you to. She figured if anyone could potentially help you with your crippling fear it would be this gentle giant full of love. When Tio met you she was worried when you started shaking and more so when you left the room abruptly. Smith explained the horrid thing that happened to you and it broke Tio’s gentle heart. She is now determined to help you if she can. Though she hopes she doesn’t make your fear any worse than it already is.*She would often visit you at Kimi’s house. The first day she did Kimi told her you’ve been locked in your room all day just trying to adjust. Tio understood. She would chat with you either on the other side of the door or over the phone to try and befriend you overtime. It takes awhile but you eventually let her in your room to talk with her. Over the course of a month, with Tio’s gentle and kind nature, she managed to get you to let her in your room. She greeted you softly and in that moment, for the first time in your life, you didn’t feel utter fear when looking at an extra species.*She slowly got your fear of extra species to a manageable level. Her gentle and caring nature made it very easy for you to trust her. She would introduce you to one member of her team at a time. Doppel would be first that way if you’re fear hit you hard Doppel could change into a human and help you more. Slowly but surely you can overcome your fear… largely thanks to your gentle Ogre friend who loves and cares for you very much. Seeing you open up and make friends with all the extra species you now know, even if it is hard, fills her gentle and loving heart with joy. She’s immensely proud of her friend she loves so much. And she lets you know it to.

Rachnera:*When Smith brought you and Rachnera saw you shaking she assumed you were nervous. But when Papi, the most innocent person in the house greeted you and you just whimpered and seemed to shrink in place she knew you were afraid of them. At first it made her mad thinking you were hateful or something. But that changed when you apologized and went to your room quickly. Smith told everyone what happened to you and it made Rachnera feel sympathy for you. She knows what its like to distrust a whole species thanks to her interactions with humans. She, from then on, tries to befriend you in her own way.*It takes a long time for you to even acknowledge when she’s at your door due to your fear. She understands but never stops trying. She’s stubborn like that. Once you do let her in she sits on your floor and asks if you want to talk about it. She shares her own story of mistreatment by humans and how she hated them until she met Kimi. She offers, with the most sincere smile you have ever seen, to help you overcome your fear. When you accept she hugs you if you allow it.  The first small step of many.*She slowly introduces you to the members of the house. Or re introduces you she should say. She goes from most to least crazy. You’ll be surprised to see that all of them understand your fear and ensure you that you don’t need to worry about them hurting you ever. It takes a long time, and not without several breakdowns, but with Rachnera’s patience and care, you begin to interact with the house more. Rachnera is always proud to see you chat or accept hugs from one of them. She loves her friend dearly so seeing you happy makes her happy.

Miia:*When she met you, she noticed your shaking right away. She was the one to ask you what was wrong to which you whimpered in response. Miia was worried and that worry was justified once you ran to your new room and didn’t come out all day. Smith, before she left, explained your story to all the girls and Miia felt like crying. How could someone hurt you so badly. She worries for you greatly. Especially since you’re staying in a house full of the one thing you fear. She takes it on herself to help you overcome it. Just as Kimi did with her when she felt like she was less than human.*She would try and speak to you everyday. Her sweet and kind voice was soothing to hear but you were still afraid of where it came from. She settled for sitting on the other side of the door so you two could chat. baby steps is what she thinks to herself. After sometime of doing this she gets you to let her in. She presents herself as non threatening as she can and asks to sit next to you. She tells you of her original fear of humans until Kimi showed her the truth and she wants to do the same for you. From there she slowly gained your trust and you learned just how sweet Miia truly is.*It may take months but Miia is ready to wait that long if needed. But when you do agree to eat dinner with everyone, Miia reintroduces you to the house and holds your hand to calm your nerves as best she can. From that day on, with Miia’s love and care, your fear, though still present, is lessening with each interaction. It makes Miia happy to see you open up to everyone in the house. It warms her heart to no end. Seeing someone she loves overcome something terrible just fills her heart with joy. And trust me, she’ll be with you on the long journey to overcome your fear fully.

[lockea]

Soren’s Reverse Racism (aka: don’t blame the victim)

I was going through the Tellius tag last night and so not only is my queue loaded up with lots of Fire Emblem stuff but I also found some interesting meta about Soren. I don’t play Fire Emblem Heroes (it was too heavily skewed towards the later games, even though I am Less Than Impressed with those games) so I don’t have the full story, but I guess there’s been some chatter about who the heck Soren is and why this Problematic (tm) darling is so popular among Tellius fans. So I did see a post that pointed out Soren, even though he’s kind of a racist asshole, is ultimately a good guy who deserves love because he redeems himself which, to me, kind of dismisses Soren’s experiences with racism himself, and ignores the nuance of reverse-racism as if to say racism straight up is just as bad as reverse-racism and, unpopular opinion time, I kind of feel it isn’t. Reverse racism is a reaction to racism, and allegations that its unjustified diminish the real world experiences of people who deal with both racism and reverse-racism every day.

But, to explain, we’re going to have to get Meta with Soren, which means spoilers ahead about our favorite Ike-obsessed baby asshole.

So who is Soren anyway?

Soren is a major character in both Fire Emblem Path of Radiance and Radiant Dawn. He’s the last of the Greil Mercenaries introduced in PoR, a mage and tactician who asked to study under another mercenary group near the Crimean capitol of Melior in order to buy himself time and hide the fact that he’d stopped aging before the game’s opening. You see, Soren is half beorc/half laguz, also called a Branded or Parentless. Like all the other Branded in the game, Soren hides who he is because his existence is seen as unnatural and he fears being cast out by the only people he’s ever seen as his family -- Ike and the Greil Mercenaries. 

Soren’s childhood experiences with racism

Throughout conversations with several characters -- mostly Ike but occasionally Stefan or Nasir -- Soren reveals that he was horrendously abused growing up. In one formative part of his life, Soren lived in Gallia. Alone, unable to speak, and already traumatized from childhood abuse, Soren was dying of starvation but the laguz around him ignored him completely, pretending he didn’t exist. Because the laguz turned their back on a him, a dying child, Soren began to resent and hate them for the way they treated him. This is an example of reverse-racism, which is when a member of an oppressed race experiences racism (the laguz ignored Soren because he was Parentless) and so the opressed forms negative connontations about the oppressors based on their race (Soren calls laguz by racial slurs and believes the worst in them, refusing to interact with members of the beast tribe especially). His affection for Ike and Ike alone was born because Ike was the sole person who did not ignore Soren and that small seed of hope in beorc is what allowed Soren to survive after Ike vanished from his life. 

Overcoming prejudice

As Titania herself points out, Soren is a very caring and empathetic young man, but he is also distrustful of others because of the way both beorc and laguz have treated him as a Branded. Over the course of PoR and RD, Soren’s motivations for overcoming his racism are self interested -- by insulting the laguz he nearly gets Ike killed -- but he does seem to be making tentative strides. When laguz show Soren respect despite knowing he is Parentless, Soren eventually returns that respect in kind. This is especially obvious in his interactions with Skrimr. 

I would argue that Soren still struggles with reverse-racism and that it is not a character flaw. Certainly, Soren’s growth as a character should be celebrated as he goes from nearly getting his allies killed all because he hates the laguz so deeply to being able to hold almost civil conversations with his laguz allies. While I think it should be applauded that Soren goes through so much character growth over the course of the games, I find it a little victim blamey to say “Yeah, he was racist, but he got better so you can like him.” I think you’ve missed the point here.

It’s like a white person saying to a member of Black Lives Matter, “All Lives Matter -- quit being racist.” No shit all lives matter, but in the world of Tellius the lives being devalued are the Branded. Laguz did not see Soren as worthy of being saved because he is Parentless/Branded. OF COURSE he’s angry and upset about that. OF COURSE he’s going to react with prejudice towards the people who saw him as not being worthy of being saved. 

Final thoughts

Tellius is interesting because while the main racial tension is between the laguz and the beorc there’s also the third part of the Branded and their struggle to be accepted by their parent races. While Soren is the most overtly racist of the Branded, he is far from alone in that camp. Stefan has given up on both beorc and laguz entirely, while Micaiah lacked faith in her beorc family to not abandon her. Zelgius and Petrine dislike beorc and laguz respectively because of the way the parent races treated them as children. 

I think that it’s one thing to applaud Soren for becoming a bigger person over the course of the games, but saying that you can ONLY like Soren because he’s overcome his racism is both innacurate (he’s still a racist little shit at times) and limiting to his experiences. I’m not saying excuse his racism (it’s still wrong) but having a warm sense of nuance and understanding to Soren’s lived experiences would be well served for enjoying him as a character with a lot of emotional complexity behind him.

#BrandedLivesMatter

[sparda3g]

My Hero Academia Chapter 136 Review

A simple moment can be defined significantly to a helpless child; one in which in need of hope, a shining light, and happiness. Deku may not have save that child before, but it brought her a ray of light. As the mission to rescue Eri is underway, there’s more buildup to the arc that serves more depth of characters and evaluate the hype meter to shed some hope for Deku to not only to redeem his mistake but to show her a brighter future.

When it comes to this series, it likes to elaborate on every single details in case of anyone would question about it, including us the audience. It makes sure that there’s little-to-no room for interpretation. That also applies to the characters as well. Many of which could have left as a single dimensional characters, yet the series insist to display that they’re more than superheroes. Sometimes, great power doesn’t always mean a good outcome.

The discussion for their next objective is pretty much done, so it left open to dive in the explanation behind Nighteye’s quirk, which is a good segue. They have to split up and find the whereabouts of Eri since she could be anywhere from their pinpoint target area. Because it makes thing difficult, the heroes start to feel distrusted with the plan, including Fatgum. Gran Torino is the wise one to inform them to remain calm and have to do it carefully. Aizawa asks Nighteye the question that every one of us is probably thinking: why not use his quirk to see the future?

One of the main highlight of the chapter is Nighteye and his struggle to keep in order in the conference. It’s not because of how he presented the plan, but rather shown his vulnerable state, or human side. It was notable that he was having a hard time with everyone, only to be asked about his quirk. Rather than him explaining out of nowhere or used in exposition during a combat, it is timed well to explain every bit of detail to his quirk. He can only do it once per day or 24 hours to be exact to one person. The other part is that he can only see the vision such as actions and surroundings, but can’t see a clear visual of their reactions or reasons.

When they begin to pressure him, I was legit growing frustrated because it was at the time, he noted that he can see a vision of death, which is a clear reference to All Might, and he looked in pain when saying so. Even when they all insist to be looked into the future and they can work around it if it is death, Nighteye makes a posture that signifies pain and suffering. The reactions from others get the idea more or less. Nighteye may be a former sidekick to the great All Might, but he’s still human.

Could you imagine watching everyone’s future and it all leads to their death, let alone at a young age? It’s a cruel irony that he’s all about laughing in style or be charismatic, yet he has to suffer the vision of death scenes. It doesn’t help that his idol’s death is now in his mind, which that alone stings a lot. He thanks everyone for their cooperation, even after all that. I admire his bravery.

Another highlight is with Aizawa. It’s not like he was wrong to ask the question because he was looking at all the possibilities as well as understanding Nighteye’s quirk, so he didn’t make me upset. Instead, he actually makes me like him even more. It’s no secret that he has been developing a lot as a teacher. I remember the way he started off as very strict guy. He does maintain to be strict but for all the right reasons and developed a strong sense of care to his students. He even considered pulling them away from internships.

He is well aware of Deku’s behavior that wouldn’t be stopped by anyone, so he will keep his eyes on him. The panel holds a lot of weight to show how much he truly cares for them, even if they are “trouble makers.” He won’t afford to lose anyone for their foolish act. I’m used to the teacher to give an easy time to the protagonist for the wrongful act, but this series provide a reasonable moment for Aizawa to react towards this mission. He even manages to share an advice to Deku, which makes this moment all the more pleasant. This shows a swell chemistry of a teacher and students’ relationship. I wouldn’t follow him forever because that would be creepy, but I digress.

The visual is handled thoroughly on the body language. You can sense the emotional thoughts from Nighteye with the way he keeps pursuing that he can’t use his quirk like easy picking. Even when it’s all done, the stance of his displays his strength to withstand the struggle. Aizawa has plenty of panels, including that single large panel with Deku, but it hits the right note of his concern. It has a warm sense of comforting despite the bad mood early on. Towards the end, it’s dreary to see what seems like a normal little girl’s room filled with darkness and I don’t mean the lack of light. Everything feels cold.

Eri can’t overcome her fear in her room, even if they act like they’re parenting her well. It’s because of Deku that she knows that feeling of cherishment that it makes her teary. It’s unknown on how long she has suffered, but that brief moment is all we need to know. It got me rooting for Deku to succeed this mission, though I am concerned with his motivational drive. It was said that he is similar to All Might in terms of madness. Is that foreshadowing that his thirst to rescue will ultimately cost something or someone’s life? The timing can’t be coincidence.

It’s another buildup chapter that is certainly welcomed to branch out the characters to gain motivations to proceed with the mission. Every hero has their own struggle and they want to overcome it. When a child sees a sign of brightness, it should not be kept as once in a lifetime; it’s up to Deku and others to save her from darkness.

[thecrossovergames]

Bellamy Blake | Twenty Four | Human | District Three | Bob Morley | Availability: Taken

Strengths:

Brave: In such a frightening world, Bellamy always tries his best to be brave, telling himself that fears are just fears, and if he slays his demons when he’s awake, they won’t be there to get him in his sleep. With a younger sister to protect and training on his side, he’s learnt to face his fears head on and keep going no matter what. Even if he’s terrified, he forces himself to deal with it because that’s how he’ll get the job done and done right. He’ll rise to any challenge and often completes them quickly and efficiently. Even arguing with him can be confronting, as Bellamy isn’t one to give up, and will share his honest opinion even if it’s unwanted.

Sharp: A trait he’s likely inherited from his father, Bellamy is extremely intuitive, and actively solves problems by doing. He’s particularly quick on his feet in dangerous situations, and is able to sense when someone or something isn’t right. By following his gut, Bellamy will decide if someone is genuine, and if so, he will support them until his dying breath, even if no one else trusts them. He relies on knowledge and experience from training, and is able to help others do the same; but he’s not opposed to using his skills to manipulate them either. Whatever gets him what he needs.

Moral code: Bellamy has set his own strict moral code that allows him to do necessary and often controversial things all in the name of survival. As a natural born leader who believes in justice, this code is the only way he can avoid stirring up excessive internal conflict, and make decisions on the spot. He is able to recognise when he’s made the wrong call however, and the guilt will always catch up with him later. Bellamy is a man of his word, and will accept all responsibility and punishment for his actions; but that won’t stop him from doing it again if he feels he has to.

Training: For over a year, Bellamy trained alongside a league of Peacekeepers in the Capitol. Working for Voldemort meant he had to be the best of the best or he’d be killed and replaced faster than he could blink. During those months, Bellamy pushed himself to his physical and emotional limit, and can now perform extremely well under pressure and adapt quickly to his environment. Although guns remain his preference, he’s also learned how to handle all sorts of weaponry with a natural ease, and is willing to train others. It’s only fair that everyone should be able to protect themselves.

Weaknesses:

Restrained: Bellamy has always believed that surviving and living are two very different things, and to do either, you have to be two very different people. A lot of things scare him, especially his own actions, but he will never show it because that’s how he overcomes. Even though he feels things deeply, actually expressing emotion is difficult for him, and he will avoid talking about them or himself. While it’s not hard to notice that he cares, he’s much more comfortable showing his affection through leading, protecting and other physical services. By burying his emotions, he survives with the hope that one day, he will live.

Octavia: Bellamy shows great restraint in his emotions except when it comes to his sister, Octavia, who he vowed to protect the moment she was born. His love for her is his most obvious, and his only self-recognised weakness. To make his sister happy, or to protect her, Bell will disregard his own ideas and change plans of action entirely, even if it means endangering others. It can often be selfish, but she’s his only family left and he will do whatever he can to make it up to her. His sister, his responsibility.

Guilt: No matter how hard he tries to justify to himself that he was only doing what he had to, Bellamy carries more guilt than any person should. He believes he’s caused all his family’s pain, and will never forgive himself for it. He was forced to do some questionable things when in training, yet made questionable decisions of his own when they were hiding out in Two. He’s convinced himself the many deaths he’s caused were essential for survival, but the guilt is always close behind. If it reaches him, he can be irrational and easily manipulated. Now a leader for Coin, he’s beginning to understand why the heroes in his favourite stories often forfeited their crowns.

Distrustful: Having been raised in such a strict and hostile environment with only his family for company, Bellamy has taken to second guessing people’s intentions, finding it hard to ever completely trust. He’s compassionate, but he has a selfish side too, his immediate priority always to protect himself and his sister. He trusts his own gut instinct and will form an opinion about something pretty fast; but he can often be wrong. Because it’s extremely hard for him to forgive, he can be prejudiced toward any type of person he hasn’t trusted before. However, if someone does manage to win Bellamy’s trust, his loyalty will be unwavering.

Biography:

Bellamy Blake spent the first five years of his life in District Three, but if you asked him about it now, he couldn’t tell you much. Just that it must have been peaceful, or he would’ve remembered otherwise. Pain is far more memorable, and Bellamy seemed to face a lot of it once they’d moved to the Capitol. He and his mother followed after his father, a recently trained Peacekeeper who’d been transferred from the Nut and hired as a security corporal in Lord Voldemort’s private affairs. Bellamy barely knew the man, and that would never change, as life within the Capitol mansion was extremely strict and family was seen as a distraction. Unless you were a pure-blood wizard, the Dark Lord had a one child policy within his ranks, and held those children’s lives against their parents, ensuring that they remained silent, and that he remained their only priority. Bellamy’s mother, Aurora, continued her job from Three as a seamstress, working right from their room. She was busy, but unlike his father she was always there, and Bellamy grew very close to her. He was tutored privately within the mansion and often brought books back to their room for them to read together, history being his favourite subject. He’d always loved stories of emperors, rebels and kings.

When he was seven, a terrified Aurora explained that she was pregnant, but Bellamy had always been bright, and he understood immediately that this was not news to share. Not that he had anyone to share it with; all of the mansion’s workers scared him. But Aurora had taught him fear was a demon, and he was to look them in the eye and never be afraid. To avoid suspicion, the infrequent visits from his father ceased entirely, and Bellamy never saw the man again. For nine months, the boy worked as Aurora’s assistant, delivering her garments and bringing back supplies, ensuring that she’d never have to leave their room; until finally, she went into labour. Bell’s little sister was born right on their bedroom floor, his near unconscious mother telling him that she was now his responsibility, no matter what. It was as if his life had started anew. Staring into his baby sister’s eyes, finger in her mouth to help keep her quiet, young Bellamy promised that he would always keep her safe. Just like Emperor Augustus would have for his sister, in the books he’d read. His sister, Octavia. Having been taught to never trust anyone in the mansion, Bellamy’s family was the only thing he’d ever known. And from that day onward, family would forever remain his first priority.

To make sure their father wasn’t executed for having a second child, Octavia was forced to live only within their quarters, Bellamy warning she could never step a foot outside their door. Whenever mansion staff visited, Bellamy and their mother would hide O in an old vent under the floorboards. The thought of his little sister being caught and killed scared him senseless, but the fear on Octavia’s face as she lowered herself into the hole each day was much worse, and Bellamy knew he had to be brave for her. He taught her to repeat “I am not afraid” to herself until it was over, something she carried out for sixteen years. Despite her begging, she could never attend school, so Bell would recount every lesson he received at tutoring, and the pair would study together at their mother’s feet. When he was fourteen, he was assigned work in the sanitation unit, despite desperately wanting to be a guard just like his father. Just like the real heroes in his books. His wishes were granted when the Rebellion broke out, reaching the mansion post haste.

Everything changed quickly after that. The Blakes were told their father died ‘during conflict’, and a shaken Bellamy was conscripted immediately to train and take his place. Grief for his father didn’t last long though, and he also had no interest in defending a leader that had always terrified him. It wasn’t until Bellamy discovered the advantages of his new position that he got into the role and the responsibility, training hard. By using his new security clearance, he was able to find out when staff would be visiting their quarters. Security was much tighter thanks to the Rebels though, and after many close calls for Octavia, Aurora took to sleeping with guards to gain intel herself. This lasted for months, until eventually, some Rebels were caught by Voldemort and his team, and the mansion hosted a televised event where captives could be bid on. As part of training field experience, Bellamy was on duty, and to take his mind off the discomfort of the evening, he decided to surprise O for her sixteenth birthday. The formal dress code made it easy to sneak her in, and for the first time ever, Octavia stepped out of their room. Despite the horrors around them, her smile that night was something Bellamy will never forget. His only mistake was not telling her who the Rebels were, and why there was even a ‘party’ in the first place. An excited Octavia spoke to the wrong crowd and was approached by guards immediately. Shaking, Bellamy stepped in, claiming she had to be a clueless plus one; but she refused to identify herself and was dragged off for questioning.

Their mother was executed immediately. A screaming Octavia was taken away to the cells, and Bellamy was left with nothing and no one but his own guilt. Shattered and demoted back to sanitation, Bellamy kept his head down for a year — until an opportunity arose for them to escape. He still had some connections within security, and as the Rebels destroyed Voldemort’s horcruxes one by one, those contacts managed to get O out of prison, and the siblings out the gates. The guarding Capitol Peacekeepers were another matter, but Bellamy dealtwith them quickly and quietly. The Blakes then fled to District Two and attempted to deal with their grief in an abandoned house, training and waiting as the rebellion swallowed Voldemort whole. The new world rose, and Coin was so promising, and the siblings were so relieved that with no other skills, Bellamy broke his own promise to never return to that mansion, and the pair gave the new President their support. Now working back in an all too familiar environment, Octavia is in training while Bellamy oversees the President’s recruits and their schedules. The Rebels, who’d Bellamy once looked at with such respect, had betrayed them and risked their new, free Panem. Imprisoning the traitors seemed fair, just while Coin works to create a better place for them all. But the longer Bellamy spends meeting terrified gazes through the bars, the more he starts to question their fearless leader’s motives. He’s now beginning to wonder just how well they really know Alma Coin.

[comicteaparty]

May 30th-June 5th, 2020 Creator Babble Archive

The archive for the Creator Babble chat that occurred from May 30th, 2020 to June 8th, 2020.  The chat focused on the following question:

What flaws does your protagonist possess, and how do you show this in story?

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

he tends to run away from things and people!

i show this by having him run away from things and people!

She's reckless and always thinks she's right. I show this by having her follow her opinions into dangerous situations haha

I have no idea how to answer the second part of that question

My antagonist

also reckless and always thinks she's right

what a pair

wow, you guys are typing a lot.

eliushi [a winged tale]

As the only wingless child, Florence is used to others ostracizing her. This causes her to believe that she’s worthless or at least a crappy replacement for her mother since she has trouble reading. This is shown by her being passive when confronted with the other winged children and tolerant being left behind. When her mother disappears, her first thought is to find her mother (to make sure mom is safe of course) but really because she feels she can’t possibly fulfill the roles her mother did for the winged community.

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

man i gotta read a winged tale seriously

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

For my comic uh lmao. It's been touched during OIYD!'s ctp chat but Cara tends to think critically on her romantic relationships, and thus even when things she goes well, she has her doubts and tries to end it before it develops lmao. Also she runs from her problems a lot (been addressed by her friend Ana through their last discussion). She done goof a lot of things but OIYD! will be pushing on her to how she gonna deal with those mistakes and her shortcomings too.

also like i guess how its depicted uh through dialogue and her body language. she physically closes herself off a bit when Ana was roasting her, and upon meeting with Richie too. so yeah lmao

LadyLazuli (Phantomarine)

Phaedra's faith and devotion to her patron goddess is, to her, a great strength - but in light what she'll have to go through, it could very well be the source of her breaking point. She's never had to consider other perspectives - to her, the line between good and evil is as clear as the horizon, and no one can tell her otherwise. I haven't gone into it much yet, apart from a few sentences in the first chapter, but it'll become painfully clear later. Her family has dutifully served the goddess for generations, and as such, Phaedra has effectively put all her eggs in one basket, and is extremely proud to have done so. As time goes on, we'll see how that works out for her...

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

AAAA

blurred lines between good and evil

I love that

Cronaj (Whispers of the Past)

Hooooh boy! My characters are basically just big buckets of flaws and personal issues. Izrekiel's flaws: * As a result of his amnesia and past traumas that still have an effect on him despite his inability to remember them, he changed from originally a fairly passionate, happy person to a rather reclusive and distrusting mess. I try to show this with his reluctance to speak much of the time, and how difficult it is for him to befriend Agatha. * He's also very quick to anger, which I show later in the story when he gets into somewhat petty fights with people. * Oblivious to even the most obvious of things, he often misinterprets people or misses nuances altogether. He is definitely not a social butterfly and comes off rather awkward most of the time. It happens a lot when someone makes a joke around him, and he just stares silently. * The rest are big ol' hefty spoilers! Agatha's flaws: * She can be incredibly bossy or "mom-ish," especially to her younger sister, but also to any random person whom she deems needs help. This is shown pretty obviously with her immediate urge to "fix" Izrekiel. * Definitely overbearing. She has the best intentions of friendliness, but she will stick her nose so far into your business that her nostrils will flatten. Mainly, she asks a lot of questions, and it can be rather annoying and obtrusive. * She also has a habit of not listening to what her younger sister, Maret. has to say. She often unintentionally ignores her, thinking her more "adult" issues to be far more pressing.(edited)

shadowhood (SunnyxRain)

Sunny: -She’s fiercely independent. As a result it takes her a longer time to trust people and tell them what’s wrong. -Doesn’t like the idea of people telling her what to do, because she craves the sense of control she was denied in earlier years -Dislikes showing sadness since it makes her uncomfortable. So she defaults to anger instead. As a result, she’s more likely to lash out in anger and regret the actions she did in the heat of the moment. -Sunny needs to realize that people aren’t inherently monsters either, that people can be morally grey. Her black and white morality may be challenged in both her writing and her relationships. But we’ll see about that. Liam: -Pretty blunt about criticizing people. He grew up in a critical household but needs to learn that there are different ways to give criticism -Highly uncomfortable with conflict. You’ll find him trying to fix the issue as fast as possible and when that doesn’t work...he’ll flee and even outright lie. It makes him seem untrustworthy and unreliable. -he loves his family. But they are his biggest fears too; the fear of disappointing them, the fear of losing their love. -for a calm guy, he tends to hide a lot of incredible self loathing and guilt. How that will affect his relationships, particularly sunny, has yet to be seen.(edited)

chalcara [Nyx+Nyssa]

Nyx thinks with her axe. She’s pretty clever if she has to be, but her usual approach to problems is „off with their head.“ The consequences off that are what drive the majority of the story - she nearly gets herself and the people around her killed. The big problem is she‘s a drifter - she rarely sees the consequences of her actions.

chalcara [Nyx+Nyssa]

Nyssa‘s a bit spoiled and soft and while she overcomes that easily enough, it‘s the combination of her believing she can fix absolutely EVERYTHING and her incapability of dealing well with failure that brings her to her breaking point.

eliushi [a winged tale]

I really love that I can identify with everyone’s character flaws and that makes it all the more relatable

Joichi [Hybrid Dolls]

Lead girl: Naomi Belfry had to deal with fleeting moments of affection from her parents trying to give her a stable childhood altho everything came crashing after her father's absence. Trying to keep this spoiler limited, like children in her position, she escaped reality through imagination lens and her obsession in her interests in forensic and observation. - I plan to show this, whenever something perks her interest, whether it's witnessing a crime scene, dangerous object or observing people at parties. Naomi also lacks a sense of trust in others due to broken promises but it conflicts with her yearning for companionship and love. Will see how she juggles her different sides. I plan for her to be morally gray. Trisha Bennett: She is a big-hearted girl and loyal friend to Naomi. Despite the rumors of the Belfry clan, Trish sees the lonely girl who tried to push others away. Trish's flaw is that she always puts other's happiness before her own. From a young age, she cared for her siblings, sometimes her grandma. Everyone basically pushed responsibility to her, due to her inability to say no. She listens to Naomi's rambles about a new mystery she's discovered.(edited)

FeatherNotes(Krispy)

nervously stares at the dumpster fire that is Trigger Elliot

eliushi [a winged tale]

Give us all the FLAWS

FeatherNotes(Krispy)

there's so many ! Trigger's biggest flaw is his constant running away from his problems and taking ANY sort of responsibility. He takes his short comings out on those around him, and is constantly in a bad mood in the comic. His biggest hurdle is his past with his ex GF, Boggmouth, to which is his biggest fear and one that he's been trying desperately to run away from (so far that he changed his name, dyed his hair, lost his glasses, etc) Vahn has many flaws as well, mostly surrounding them as a mystery and that inability to step up to the plate. They're similar to Trigger in running away from problems, as they are more comforted with familiar spaces than new territory of becoming more or something else. Vahn also has a past they have yet to deal with!

Joichi [Hybrid Dolls]

wow i really like reading people's different character flaws! Krispy, your character Trigger is such a complex character. I should get on reading it (edited)

eliushi [a winged tale]

I’m curious how everyone thought of their flaws for their characters. Did they come to you naturally? What would you say makes a flaw compelling to read/draw/experience?

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

I don't really make a character and then go, 'alright, time to add some flaws.' Like.... the same trait or even the same action can be seen as good or bad depending on who you ask?

eliushi [a winged tale]

Totally agree. A trait when taken to the extreme can be a flaw (too kind —> becoming a doormat). How do you make sure that flaw is the “right” one or the one that most fit with your character and plot?

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

Even the extreme-ness may be different depending on who you ask. Some people may feel it was 100% justified; others may feel it was too extreme, or even the opposite, not enough!

shadowhood (SunnyxRain)

I like to imagine how those flaws would work in real life. If those flaws carry the story and force the characters to develop/face consequences, I usually include them

eliushi [a winged tale]

So true keiiii and I like that approach shadow!

So what makes a trait a flaw for you keiiii

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

like look at all the disagreements IRL...

I don't like to divide character traits into flaws/virtues, personally. Like, yes, there are times I notice a trait and go "oh yeah, that's totally Bad, totally a flaw." But as a storyteller, I don't use that kinda judgment as a primary tool. I guess it's in the same vein as the whole 'no one is a villain in their own story' school of thought?

eliushi [a winged tale]

That’s fair!

Joichi [Hybrid Dolls]

It took awhile to develop my character's flaws! I start out drawing the character for fun. For some characters, I made them with intention of flipping Anime tropes, I felt some of them are so shallow, I want to flesh them out in my own stories. So as I write, their flaws are reflected in their upbringing. The personality gets revised over until I have certain ideas in mind, then their flaws come along with the creation process.? I have two sides of my brain cell where, I want to draw these children in a fun, safe environment. Then I got this other side, influenced by teen stories/games where I want to give them risks, be delinquents, have messy choices. I gravitate to stories of teenagers finding themselves?(edited)

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

What I do pay close attention to is: do the characters have major disagreements ever? If the answer is no, then I may have a problem.

eliushi [a winged tale]

All the juicy conflicts

LadyLazuli (Phantomarine)

I think I gravitated toward portraying a flaw I knew I had when I was younger. Something I'm able to look at with a more critical eye, now that I have more experience. Something I can portray both critically and sympathetically - so people can still like the character, but want them to grow past their flaw.

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

like, even if I don't think of a trait/action as bad, SOMEONE in the story would probably not agree with it. Stuff like that.

And vice versa

I do think HoK focuses a lot on greyness as an undertone, though. Not every story would benefit from this approach.

eliushi [a winged tale]

I like to design my flaw aligned to the LIE the character believes (in reference to character arcs) and see what sort of negative consequences that will be interesting for the characters to try and overcome

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

In my previous comic, almost every major player was BAAAAD, and that was the point of the story.

But HoK is not like that.

Joichi [Hybrid Dolls]

ooh the Lie that a character believes? That's interesting, Eli.

LadyLazuli (Phantomarine)

I think that makes for a good sympathetic protagonist - we're all told things that we may have to unlearn, or learn to read differently. For the protagonist, it's an awakening to the truth of the world around them. Their job as a protagonist is to accept that awakening, for better or for worse.(edited)

eliushi [a winged tale]

Yeah I like to approach character arcs using this reference https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.helpingwritersbecomeauthors.com/character-arcs-2/amp/ the flaw comes easier to me once I have the specific LIE developed

shadowhood (SunnyxRain)

Ooooh that's a good one Eli and to piggy back off of you, LadyLazuli, a lot of character flaws I chose were observed from either close friends, family, and even myself! There's something about intimately knowing about these flaws that you can see how it unfolds in real life

Joichi [Hybrid Dolls]

this would be so helpful, I have a teen character for my slice of life, that I couldn't figure his flaws out, other than being anxious. Will look into these books.

shadowhood (SunnyxRain)

You can try! It would help a lot I read somewhere that one of the reasons Princess Mononoke had such great characters wasn't because they were inherently good or bad.

Rather, they each had differing goals and that is where the conflicts are.

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

Yeah, one moment in that movie that really shines in that aspect IMO was when Ashitaka talks to Eboshi, and she retorts, "so you want us fight the samurai instead!" (i.e. instead of fighting the forest animals) This was not treated as a big moment in the movie; it was quick and pretty understated. Nonetheless, I feel it really hit the nail on the head with that particular theme.

like, "our disagreements are distracting us from the TRUE enemy: this third party!!!" is totally a valid theme, but it's not the only resolution in that kinda situation. I'm glad Princess Mononoke went for a different direction.

They did have a third party (heck, a fourth party too), but it wasn't what the whole situation was about.

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

I’m curious how everyone thought of their flaws for their characters. Did they come to you naturally? What would you say makes a flaw compelling to read/draw/experience?

yuh that's a good question. I just kinda look at the experiences I had so far or what my family or friends experienced and I'm like "what is a good thing about this flaw, what is not so good?" like there's some juggling to figure out like in some situations its great and others it's just lmao pain.

Cronaj (Whispers of the Past)

In my case, I didn't really "think of flaws" for my characters. My characters just kinda popped up in my head, and as I got to know them, their traits—both good and bad—revealed themselves to me.

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

for Cara's case its like lmao idk. a reflection of how my mom and I handle dealing with romantic relationships, and just seeing where that goes lol

for Richie, it's like that but what we like in men/masc-presenting folk but take it up to 10x and see what happens LMAOO

shadowhood (SunnyxRain)

So basically it could be a case of veering one trait into the extreme

Cronaj (Whispers of the Past)

(Also, I totally agree that the characters in Princess Mononoke are stellar! Especially Ashitaka and Eboshi.)

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

yeah, but I also made sure there's nuances too since they aren't a true reflection of our own chimera they need to stand out as their own characters after all, not a voice piece

shadowhood (SunnyxRain)

Yeah, the scene I still remember from that movie was when lady eboshi showed ashitaka around Irontown and he sees how she helps the lepers and the women be empowered. It showed that she’s a morally grey character

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

I always like messing with that kind of of diacomtomy between people and just lmao idk I just like seeing that despite differences things are connected lol

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

I really like the Disagreement-focused approach. Where would the characters disagree with each other? With YOU, the author? Would they ever call you out on something? Would you agree or disagree with the callout?

shadowhood (SunnyxRain)

Also tuyetnhi I agree. While we can also include flaws of our own, there comes a time where our characters eventually develop into their own person

It’s like watching your child grow up

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

I learned that young durring my RP days in the early 2010s

lmao

Cronaj (Whispers of the Past)

And when Ashitaka reveals a rather selfish thought of his. Eboshi: Does that arm of yours want to kill me? Ashitaka: If it would lift the curse, I would let it tear you to pieces.

(I've watched this movie way too much throughout my life tbh )

shadowhood (SunnyxRain)

I really like the Disagreement-focused approach. Where would the characters disagree with each other? With YOU, the author? Would they ever call you out on something? Would you agree or disagree with the callout?

@keii’ii (Heart of Keol) absolutely! Your characters won’t always do what you want. Sometimes they have ideologies that make you want to shake them or disagree. Because in the end, the characters aren’t you

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

I actually didn't see that as particularly selfish about Ashitaka (and I think that's a good thing that we see these differently)

shadowhood (SunnyxRain)

They will make mistakes that you might not in real life. let them.

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

yeah lmao that's why in cara's situation I'm like "same" but also "Noooooooooooo why u do that"

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

@shadowhood (SunnyxRain) And they might not even see those actions as mistakes, depending.

And YOU will make mistakes (or "mistakes"... again... depending) that the characters wouldn't make

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

even stuff I don't even realized from other friends who looked at Cara and they're like "she's her biggest cock block; it's that personality." lmaO

Cronaj (Whispers of the Past)

You don't know how many times I've wanted to slap the shit out of my characters

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

honestly

shadowhood (SunnyxRain)

@shadowhood (SunnyxRain) And they might not even see those actions as mistakes, depending.

@keii’ii (Heart of Keol) exactly! Hence these are the Lies they might have developed! They might have lies they grew up with that don’t match with ours

And yes....there are times I want to facepalm whenever I see my characters make a mistake I wouldn’t have. But I know that they’ll eventually develop out of it....or face natural consequences.

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

Anyone else here doing more grey-focused stories? Not every story needs to be that, you can have very mature stories that aren't grey. But yeah

shadowhood (SunnyxRain)

I have a very grey character

Cronaj (Whispers of the Past)

I mean... I guess it depends on labeling. I have very strong opinions, but I feel like my characters could very easily be seen as grey by others

Especially my villain

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

I think "grey-focused" is less about the characters and more about the narrative, but yeah, it's pretty case by case

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

I think in that case Cara would be considered .... light grey?

shadowhood (SunnyxRain)

This character did something VERY bad, and his actions have caused people to be split about his actions But he has deep regrets and guilt about it, even though it was a necessity at the time(edited)

Whether or not people forgive him or understand his motivations

Only time will tell

Cronaj (Whispers of the Past)

Oh yeah, my narrative definitely can be seen as grey.

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

since it's her narrative focus in the story but as there's some dark moments, most of it is just her just figurings thing out

dark moments as in lmao "i'm hurt in the feels"

not life death situations lmao

Cronaj (Whispers of the Past)

I switch between perspectives a lot in WotP, so it definitely can be seen as grey

chalcara [Nyx+Nyssa]

I don’t like grey morals that much, actually. My favourite narrative device is genuinely good people working at cross-purposes. Nobody is evil, or grey; but their personal histories and goals set them into conflict with each others.

These histories often cause or are brought by their flaws, too. But a flaw doesn‘t necessarily make you grey.

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

I don't mean grey as "an even mix of good and bad." I meant more like, the narrative does not take sides.

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

for Richie, i guess for his development as something that is a mere figment of fantasy and trying to be like "wow I wonder what being a person is like?" and he might just become a grey character if he ever experiences Cara's world lol

ahhh

yeah this story is probably pretty grey then lmao

chalcara [Nyx+Nyssa]

You can have a narrative taking side and still be good-people-in-conflict.

shadowhood (SunnyxRain)

There is one scene I wrote where the morally grey character meets someone who he’s affected. She hates him, but understands his motivation. Both of them have a heart to heart and agree that they were simply two people who were involved in a tragedy, and it hurt everyone.

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

That's a thing too! But I'm specifically curious about stories where the narrative does not take sides

shadowhood (SunnyxRain)

So in the end, it was a scene where the audience can sympathize with both, but these characters are in conflict

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

I feel you can't really have a character who will be universally seen as 50:50 good:bad. Different people will have different opinions about the same character.

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

that's so true like

idk, i guess this is an annoyance when protraying folks

and i'm like "ya just make it like it is, if you're intimate with their background or have relevant experiences with it"

shadowhood (SunnyxRain)

In real life you’re going to meet people who may not like you

Some may even hate you

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

that's why I'm like gearing Cara as like that lmao

shadowhood (SunnyxRain)

Not everyone is going to agree or like you, and it’s the same with charavters

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

yepppp

shadowhood (SunnyxRain)

Just because another character dislikes your main protagonists does not necessarily make them a villain

Cronaj (Whispers of the Past)

That's what I'm thinking too. I may see a certain character of mine as leaning more good, and another as leaning more bad, but I know my readers are likely going to disagree. I call my villain a "villain" because he opposes the "heroes," but honestly, I know that a large part of my readerbase is going to take his side in the end.(edited)

shadowhood (SunnyxRain)

In every villain’s mind they are the heroes of their own story

Cronaj (Whispers of the Past)

It reminds me of a quote from the Inheritance series

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

I don't 100% agree actually, but I do agree with something in the same vein

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

[me looking at my story] "who really is the antagonist? it's probably all of you" [points at 3 characters at the same time]

lmao

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

like not everyone actually thinks of themself as heroic -- but most will see their choices as reasonable given the circumstances.

shadowhood (SunnyxRain)

I agree. Probably should have reworded it as “everyone thinks they are the protagonist of their own stories”

A protagonist can be “villainous” too.

Also tuyetnhi lmao you have so many antagonists

Joichi [Hybrid Dolls]

omg I missed this really good convo on Princess Mononoke, I LOVE Lady Eboshi's character. I was busy talking about character writing for another show(edited)

shadowhood (SunnyxRain)

Yes she is a wonderful character! Let’s use her as an example

In her own mind she sees herself as a protagonist defending the leper’s and the women

And having to fight her way to the top from being a slave

She could have her own story herself!

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

it's like Cara has to fight her dreams, her family, her firends and her self as a cock block ya LMAO

LadyLazuli (Phantomarine)

Eboshi is fantastic. She's not good, she's not evil, she's just a person doing what she thinks is best. Even if she ends up doing more harm than good, her aim is to protect her people and strengthen her town. She does some truly heroic things as well as some heinous ones. And I love how Ashitaka lands squarely between the two factions - in his own way, because he seeks peace, he almost acts as a villain for both the gods and the humans. SO COMPLEX it's lovely.

Cronaj (Whispers of the Past)

aggressively throws love at Studio Ghibli

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

A related question that's fun to ponder is, who or what do they blame when things don't go well? (Obviously the answer's gonna vary a LOT depending on the circumstances, but something fun to think about)

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

lmaoooo oh man

Cronaj (Whispers of the Past)

Gosh, that's a great question.

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

Cara would blame herself if it's something she consciously done wrong, but if it's something out her control she'll blame the person or thing she thinks caused the inconvenience.

Cara: "Stupid sexy... man coming out of my dreams looking..... ass"

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

Don't we all wish we had a stupid sexy dream man to blame

(maybe not but lol)

Cronaj (Whispers of the Past)

Izrekiel would blame himself. Agatha would blame the powers that be. Ryukou would blame Izrekiel. Maya would blame Ryukou....

shadowhood (SunnyxRain)

Hmmm that is a good question

Sunny blames others in the heat of the moment, but she’ll think back and regret it

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

for Richie uh lmao he blames himself for most things.

shadowhood (SunnyxRain)

Liam blames it all on himself, and won’t tell anyone

LadyLazuli (Phantomarine)

Phaedra blames herself initially. Then, as with all things, deflect the blame to Ocean Satan.

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

if it something Cara done tho, I think he'll have to do some mental gymastics that he isn't outright hurting her feelings but getting his point across (hypothetical situation here lmao I need to draw faster)

ocean satan lmao

Cronaj (Whispers of the Past)

I feel that energy from him tbh

shadowhood (SunnyxRain)

Ocean Satan/lucifer probably has his own fan following tho

Chethanists

LadyLazuli (Phantomarine)

Fata Morgana! Or the Bone Church (RIP)

but yeah, when the origin of all your world's problems is a single entity - BLAME IT

very easy

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

just like blaming an alternative god for the misfortune of humanity lmao

Joichi [Hybrid Dolls]

In my story, Naomi might go into deep thinking if things don't go well. It means the mystery got deeper and she wants to find out why did it not go well? It depends, I should write a case where the blame can go easily to someone, but the MC has a different reaction than others.(edited)

It depends on situation, I'm trying to think about something that makes the character blame someone? Jasper might be the type of kid, who self blames his own incompetence.(edited)

Erin Ptah (BICP | Leif & Thorn)

Thorn is impressively good at figuring out how to assign blame/responsibility to the right parties in the right proportions, but to be fair, he's had a lot of therapy

varethane

That thing about never having a character everyone will like is so true-- I feel like the most consensus I've ever had was over Teeko, the main character of my previous webcomic. Almost everyone agreed that she was a cinnamon roll, but there were others who considered her irritating (or at best, found her irritating at first but then got to like her)(edited)

I'm pretty sure the lead of my new comic will be significantly more polarizing

Erin Ptah (BICP | Leif & Thorn)

(He has PTSD from a dragonslaying mission that went bad, where he didn't give the order that made it all go wrong but was in a strong position to stop it and didn't, so Responsibility been kind of a major theme in his brain ever since)

varethane

Her major flaws are that she's kinda selfish and impulsive, and while I have a whole Arc planned, that type of character is just guaranteed to rub some readers the wrong way

Erin Ptah (BICP | Leif & Thorn)

Meanwhile, Leif is very well-conditioned to assign responsibility to "anything and anyone except my country's leaders and system of government"

Which is also changing over a long-term character arc! And there's definitely debate in the comments sections at any given stage about how reasonable he's being now

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

My favorite flawed character ever is Leona from Prague Race. I loved that comic but not gonna recommend because it is on forever hiatus. I'd never seen her flaws before in any other character and yet felt them deeply. Her flaws are to the point where you're not even sure if she is a good person. https://www.praguerace.com/comics/1438038533-06.jpg https://www.praguerace.com/comics/1438197522-07.jpg https://www.praguerace.com/comics/1438802007-08.jpg(edited)

varethane

She isnt, at all, but I still love her as a character ahaha

(Well okay she is a little bit at least)

eliushi [a winged tale]

Ahh I remember Prague race

It’s fantastic. I really enjoy the antihero/unconventional qualities Leona has(edited)

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

i LOVE her

I love her look

I love her attitude

she is like

my favorite character ever in webcomics

shadowhood (SunnyxRain)

Ahhh so is her flaw having her desires supersede others?

Or desiring entertainment even at the cost of hurting others?

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

She is exceptionally curious, to the point of recklessness(edited)

eliushi [a winged tale]

A related question that's fun to ponder is, who or what do they blame when things don't go well? (Obviously the answer's gonna vary a LOT depending on the circumstances, but something fun to think about)

Flo: blames herself Ash: blames anyone but Flo Ice: blames anyone but themself Bell: blames the person who is deemed logically wrong

I think Leona’s flaw is self-centredness. AFAIK it’s because she is going to die? Terminal illness? then she feels the world owes her everything

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

She was like that before that happened though

Like in the opening where she drags her friend into a sketchy shop and plays with the mysterious artifacts and falls into a new world

eliushi [a winged tale]

Ah so just a selfish character then?

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

All the while being like

"hey neat!"

eliushi [a winged tale]

Disregards others’ boundaries for her amusement and purpose

It’s a great flaw to explore

shadowhood (SunnyxRain)

Oh that one is a very good flaw

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

Before this point it was more disregarding her own life for her amusement and purpose

It's her own fault she has a year to live

eliushi [a winged tale]

It’s all starting to come back haha

shadowhood (SunnyxRain)

So basically she’s self entitled

Those types are tough to pull off

If there’s one character flaw I want to see more, it’s characters that struggle with taking a stand

eliushi [a winged tale]

For sure. I find antihero and passive protagonists especially difficult to write/draw

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

i might be the opposite because people complain about my protag being too passive lol

He just wants to live

/not live

shadowhood (SunnyxRain)

Hmmm, I’m the opposite actually! I dislike conflict so I try to either run away or hide when it happens

So for me it’s easier to write someone who is scared of conflict and is seen as a coward than someone more active

eliushi [a winged tale]

Eli did the proactive choice to follow the minor goddess right? I see that as having agency

I meant more of writing them as compelling characters

Especially as protagonists

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

ahhhh i'm glad

i agree that stories usually read better when the main characters have a goal

it gives you a thread to follow throughout the story

eliushi [a winged tale]

For sure. Having a clear external goal to augment the internal one is key

shadowhood (SunnyxRain)

What if the main character’s goal is not having a goal

Or being viscerally against the goals of everyone else

eliushi [a winged tale]

Against the goals is a goal in itself I think haha

shadowhood (SunnyxRain)

Where it’s seen as against the cultural norm to have one....like Eli

Omg full circle lmao

eliushi [a winged tale]

But if the goal is to be passive then... that’s where I find it is difficult to write compellingly

Unless you have side characters that boost the agency

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

ugh can't talk about eli while talking to eli

i got confused lol

shadowhood (SunnyxRain)

I think with those types it works with other characters also having goals

Exactly Eli!

.....oh my god this is getting confusing

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

ack now i got confused in the opposite direction

i think

eliushi [a winged tale]

Exactly shadow. Hence I designed ash, ice and bell to be strong voices to counteract quiet Flo

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

I love me some well-written passive characters TBH

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

mm i agree. if the mc doesn't have a lot of agency, other people need to to drive the plot forwards

shadowhood (SunnyxRain)

Yeah! I did the same thing by having sunny be outspoken and Liam be the one that runs away

And she ends up having to call him out on his shit!

I wonder if their passivity can be both a strength and a weakness tho

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

I think I actually gravitate more towards passive ones than to overtly proactive ones, with all other factors being hypothetically equal

shadowhood (SunnyxRain)

stares at Danbi

eliushi [a winged tale]

But I find there’s a point in which your passive character needs to make a change for their arc; stasis = death. Ultimately depends on the narrative and theme and with a negative arc it’s something to play with

Danbi is not passive I don’t think

shadowhood (SunnyxRain)

Hmmmm danbi has a passive nature But you’re right now that I think about it

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

I think part of it is I'm currently in the "I need to take a break from those ultra-motivated shounen action MCs" phase

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

Me: Eli is passive! Eli: no Shadow: Danbi is passive! Eli: no

:p

eliushi [a winged tale]

I find the passive protagonist is like the boy in hyouka

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

what's he like? i haven't read/seen that

eliushi [a winged tale]

Or a lot of those anime’s where the love interest or others drag them into things

shadowhood (SunnyxRain)

Ahhh those types

You’re right about those being hard to write about because they can become satellite love interests

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

I'm thinking more along the lines of, when the story itself isn't about WE RESOLVE THIS BIG CONFLICT YES

shadowhood (SunnyxRain)

With no motivation except for their friends/love interests

eliushi [a winged tale]

https://hyouka.fandom.com/wiki/Houtarou_Oreki

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

I have not actually read this, so not sure why this is the example to come to my mind, but: there's this manga? in which humanity is facing extinction, but people are just calmly accepting instead of panicking or rebelling. They're not trying to fix things, they're just living out their lives

varethane

In Wychwood, Felix is an extremely passive character (it's one of his biggest flaws, he's absolutely terrible at standing up for himself and..... I mean, atm he doesnt really have any opportunities to make decisions for himself, but if he does he second guesses himself and ends up doing nothing lol)

eliushi [a winged tale]

I see that as more of a choice of acceptance keiiii

shadowhood (SunnyxRain)

Ooooh okay I see Eli

eliushi [a winged tale]

But I mean we all have different definitions and thresholds we refer as passive

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

I mean it's okay for us to define "passive" differently, as long as we're aware of how the different definitions affect the discussion

eliushi [a winged tale]

Yep yep

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

If I knew we were all going to die and there was nothing i could do about it, I think I'd just live out my life too. Spend time with family and cook good food.

shadowhood (SunnyxRain)

In that case there is one character I have like that, but the reason he’s passive is because his hyperperfectionism has marred him and he’s severely depressed now

eliushi [a winged tale]

I’m more referring to a narrative passive character https://www.jimenainovaro.com/blog/2019/9/7/passive-protagonist-how-to-tell-if-you-have-one-and-how-to-fix-it

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

Anyway, HoK is like that: it's not about FIX THIS BIG PROBLEM WITH THE WORLD. The world does have massive problems, and there are multiple groups of people trying to fix, delay, or otherwise address those Big Problems in various ways. But the story itself is not about that.

eliushi [a winged tale]

Right so if the story is not about saving the world, in relation to the actual theme of the story, I don’t think Danbi is passive

Natasha Berlin (Pot of Gold)

ELUISHI

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

mm we're talking about the benefits of passive characters but that link is "how to fix it" ah

Natasha Berlin (Pot of Gold)

YOU’RE HERE

eliushi [a winged tale]

Oh hai!

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

I feel like that article is written with the assumption that you want the readers to root for the MC, which I think is.... not necessarily what you want.

shadowhood (SunnyxRain)

Hello????

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

ah

shadowhood (SunnyxRain)

It depends on what kind of story you want to write I guess

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

yeah like lmao root when you feel like it worm

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

Yeah

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

I guess for my story it's just lmao done out of my curiosity and just seeing that to form.

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

Full disclosure, I do not read fast enough to have read the entirety of that article by now (edited)

eliushi [a winged tale]

Exactly shadow

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

But I think that also brings up an important point

eliushi [a winged tale]

https://threekookaburras.com/blogs/news/14720925-writing-tips-whats-wrong-with-a-passive-protagonist perhaps another viewpoint

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

WHAT is the "ideal reader reaction" you want with the story? (can break this down to "with this one scene/ arc" etc)

(can also have multiple ideal/desired reader reactions for the same story/ arc/ scene)

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

ooh that's an interesting question

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

(I also really like parentheses)

eliushi [a winged tale]

I feel like that article is written with the assumption that you want the readers to root for the MC, which I think is.... not necessarily what you want.

I recall you mentioning HoK is more like a character study. I think more conventional storytelling want the audience to be invested in the protagonist

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

i honestly don't really have an answer

just want people to know these characters and this world

shadowhood (SunnyxRain)

Personally the reaction I want....is for other people to learn along with them

And hopefully touch their hearts

And yeah keiiii you DID mention that it’s more focused on character development at one point

eliushi [a winged tale]

Ideal reader reaction by act 1: exciting adventure here we go! Act2: oh no Act 3: oh that makes so much sense why everything is happening but how will they succeed Act 4: hope

shadowhood (SunnyxRain)

OH that’s what you mean?

Natasha Berlin (Pot of Gold)

What’s an act four

eliushi [a winged tale]

Oops I meant season

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

I think. My four chapters are similar to Eli's

eliushi [a winged tale]

(Season 1 is act 1; seasons 2&3 act 2 and last season is act 3)

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

for me, like if to make my characters relevant to the audience isn't the main goal. like relevant characters doesn't equate to folks understanding to the nuances of their struggles. at least for me. I just want to write the story for the sake of it and what folks react to it uh lmao that's their reaction. stick for the ride if you want to see things panned out is my mind set

shadowhood (SunnyxRain)

Arc 1: people are excited then sad...what the fuck shadow Arc 2: oh my god oh my god this happened it’s chaos angst time Arc 3: melancholic but going up in a way Arc 4: AHHHHHHHHHHHHH Arc 5-7: this is sweet as hell

eliushi [a winged tale]

Yeah I should rephrase: there can be many reasons why you want the audience to NOT root for the protagonist (ie protagonist is a serial killer and the reader is more keen to know if justice will be served)

But these are done intentionally and the protagonist is not passive in the narrative sense(edited)

Natasha Berlin (Pot of Gold)

Act One: Buildup Plot Point: NO NO NO NO Act Two: angst Plot Point: Act Three: Ships

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

like, I don't necessarily want anyone to agree with any of the characters. But I want people to be able to see why they think or feel the way they do. More importantly, I want people to FEEL that their (the characters') feelings are real and powerful. So I guess for every arc of HoK it all comes down to: "my heart is breaking and healing at the same time"

shadowhood (SunnyxRain)

Natasha I relate to the ships coming in later part

same

Natasha Berlin (Pot of Gold)

I’m tryna have at least one ship sail in act two XD

eliushi [a winged tale]

I live for the AHHHHH and

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

dang I just love throwing curveballs

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

we can tell

eliushi [a winged tale]

Shadow will draw the ships for me

shadowhood (SunnyxRain)

Oh the AHHHHH part is a ship

YES I DRAW ALL THE SHIPS

Natasha Berlin (Pot of Gold)

The is my favorite part of the story

shadowhood (SunnyxRain)

not saying which ship tho sorry

Natasha Berlin (Pot of Gold)

Aside from the ships

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

lol

if I have to break up the structure for OIYD!

shadowhood (SunnyxRain)

Yes the is a good scene More please

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

... nah it's too soon to share ask me again in 5 years or somethin

Natasha Berlin (Pot of Gold)

@Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!) mood

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

I'm like lmao i'm on ch. 3

and it's early to draw some conclusions of what structure i had set up, but I do have a clear idea where I want going with it. just... have to draw it lol

Natasha Berlin (Pot of Gold)

Dude I’ve basically scripted my act three and I haven’t even gotten to my first major turning point

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

same mood, same boat

shadowhood (SunnyxRain)

I’ve only scripted up to arc 2

And I’m already feeling the chaos

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

for me uh.. I guess its main arcs are there

Natasha Berlin (Pot of Gold)

My act one is the most solid, followed by act three. I’m slowly figuring out the middle XD

shadowhood (SunnyxRain)

Because shit gets dark in the end of arc 1

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

but I had chopped off like 8 chapters lmaO

Deo101 [Millennium]

I script... like one scene at a time if that..

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

so it's a lot shorter than it was originally intended but at least

it is more impactful for me lmao

just non canon content now lol

eliushi [a winged tale]

You got this Natasha!

Natasha Berlin (Pot of Gold)

YEAH!

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

I also can't script super ahead, at least with this story. With my previous comic I scripted like 2+ years worth of content in advance

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

oof that's my first webcomic lmao

and ... I stopped after the first chapter lmao

LadyLazuli (Phantomarine)

What reader reactions I want for my comic? Uhhh... Volume 1: Pretty world! And also some mysteries... Volume 2: Even more mysteries... culminating in the moment Volume 3: IT'S EVERYTHING I COULD'VE WANTED

Deo101 [Millennium]

yeah my next comic I'm planning ive got a script for like a whole thing but for this one im like "hmm... what seems fun?"

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

For me, I think the main factor is that the previous comic was heavily dialog-driven (you could convert it to an audio drama with minimal changes), while my current comic is very visual (you really can't convert it into an audio drama...)

shadowhood (SunnyxRain)

EVERYTHING WE WANT CLAIRE?!!?!

LadyLazuli (Phantomarine)

Everything you want

shadowhood (SunnyxRain)

EVERYTHING?????

LadyLazuli (Phantomarine)

Yes

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

man, it must have some good cheese in there

Deo101 [Millennium]

oh are we answering what we want our readers to think?

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

yea

shadowhood (SunnyxRain)

Yiss

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

I'm like "I'm not qualifed to answer this because lmao"

Deo101 [Millennium]

I want my readers to be like oh this is fun! the whole time, i think

dont want it to change, want it all uphill

no stress or nothin just fun times

shadowhood (SunnyxRain)

Deo reading your webcomic is like going to the beach Pretty chill

Deo101 [Millennium]

hell yeah!

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

Space beach!

Hey my rank just changed!

shadowhood (SunnyxRain)

Wha

Deo101 [Millennium]

when you read my comic I want you to feel like youre sittin poolside with a cool drink and some sunglasses

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

it does have that vibe yeee

Deo101 [Millennium]

fuck yeah thats everything I could want babeyyyy

shadowhood (SunnyxRain)

It has mojito pina colada vibes

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

aww yeee

shadowhood (SunnyxRain)

Mine is just sangria

WITH SHOTS

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

I guess for OIYD! is just "bloody mary please say sike"

shadowhood (SunnyxRain)

Is eightfish’s like....champagne

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

Refreshing glass of ocean water

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

Is this the "what drink would your comic be" topic?

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

lmao

shadowhood (SunnyxRain)

salty

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

salt

shadowhood (SunnyxRain)

Yes

Natasha Berlin (Pot of Gold)

Ooooh good question

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

Time to bring up my answer to that question again: "liquid bacon fat, so that it stays in your heart forever."(edited)

Natasha Berlin (Pot of Gold)

Hot chocolate

Dark chocolate kind

shadowhood (SunnyxRain)

Holy shit that’s two sides of the spectrum right there

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

Omg keii

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

keii idk how I feel about that if I'm gonna have caradiac arrest reading your comic lmao

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

Heart Attack Of Keol

shadowhood (SunnyxRain)

Clogging my arteries oh lord

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

You're killing me today kei

shadowhood (SunnyxRain)

Omg

But wait is Phantomarine also a glass of ocean water

Deo101 [Millennium]

not read it yet but I feel like its that blue drink from applebees

do you know the one im talkin about, the one with the shark gummy in it

shadowhood (SunnyxRain)

whaaaaat

We don’t have Applebee’s here do explain

YES?!

LadyLazuli (Phantomarine)

drop a big salt chunk at the bottom of it and YEP that's Phantomarine

Deo101 [Millennium]

very sweet but there are like 2 shots in it so you will get 1: brain freeze and 2: more tipsy than u think!

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

yuhhh

my mom always buy that drink deo

shadowhood (SunnyxRain)

I kinda want to try it now

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

It's good

LadyLazuli (Phantomarine)

Applebees come to Canadia plz

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

lmaoo

wait what

shadowhood (SunnyxRain)

We canucks want to get a brain freeze pls

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

there's no applebees in Canadaland?

shadowhood (SunnyxRain)

Nope

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

omgGGG

shadowhood (SunnyxRain)

We have a tims tho

LadyLazuli (Phantomarine)

also this might be getting a tad bit off-topic so watch out

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

okay tru tru lmao

dang tragic like

imagine making drink references in your comic and someone is like

"yo what is that? lemon juice?"

"........... lemonade?"

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

Sorry rebel. We are just perpetually off topic

Deo101 [Millennium]

the page that had orange juice in millennium everyone was talking about the orange juice

and same with the page that there was milk

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

actually this would be an intersesting question like lmao if your comic still makes references to your native place of being

shadowhood (SunnyxRain)

The logo was funny deo

And cute

Although at first I thought the cow was a space pig...

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

like having orange juice in space i'm like yaaaa lol

Deo101 [Millennium]

okay but the page with milk also had a murder skeleton

shadowhood (SunnyxRain)

But space pig

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

Skeleton milk

shadowhood (SunnyxRain)

Mmmm yes taste the calcium

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

so much calc

shadowhood (SunnyxRain)

Enough to bone milo

Deo101 [Millennium]

yeah everyone was like "he just wants the milk!"

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

Page with the clock everyone was talking about the clock

The way deo draws inanimate objects is just

Really memorable

I guess

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

whu

Deo101 [Millennium]

you would be the first person in my life to have ever said that

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

omg

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

(or maybe you just don't have anything else more interesting on the page :p)

shadowhood (SunnyxRain)

The devil is in the details

Or should I say

bone milk

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

Crunchy

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

i don'tt hink I can handle bone milk since i'm starting to develop an intolerance to lactose

Joichi [Hybrid Dolls]

I'd love to draw my ships but anxious brain thinks, I shouldn't because no one knows them

shadowhood (SunnyxRain)

I remember that there was a talk about the page on deo’s server

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

oh man ships worm lmao

shadowhood (SunnyxRain)

And someone mentioned carbonated milk

Deo101 [Millennium]

I dont wanna think about carbonated milk

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

people like guessing Richie or Dean for Cara and i'm like ya'll missing the 3rd option

"it's the friends we made along the way"

shadowhood (SunnyxRain)

Ot3 ayo

Deo101 [Millennium]

I think I was the one who mentioned carbonated milk though

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

dfjalkgjaeoifuiodj

Deo101 [Millennium]

gjsdaghsagjkhgjkasg

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

OT3

shadowhood (SunnyxRain)

YOU WERE

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

Do it I dare you

Deo101 [Millennium]

shadow big brain w ot3

shadowhood (SunnyxRain)

I meaaaaaaaan

I have a love triangle

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

if they were compadable with each other

probably LMAO

shadowhood (SunnyxRain)

But if they get together

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

but lmAO

shadowhood (SunnyxRain)

its a metaphysical paradox

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

AAAAA

shadowhood (SunnyxRain)

But yeah I love the OT3 option

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

It would be actually interesting to see polyamory in a comic not about polyamory though

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

[puts down things to consider]

shadowhood (SunnyxRain)

Cara/Richie/dean

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

I'm like I want to see as a possibiltiy

but it's also errrrrr enriched with Viet stuff and i'm like bruh

shadowhood (SunnyxRain)

I too, like Eightfish, dare you to do it

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

how that would affect Cara's relationship with her family

Joichi [Hybrid Dolls]

I agree Eightfish! I like the secret polyamory in a comic, like Marmalade Boy had a poly family and only when I was older, knew about it. I reread it, was like holy cow! It is a poly family(edited)

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

:000

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

same with Dean's too since they're both tradtional vietnamese families to some extent

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

(Apologies for taking forever to type this) "Maybe no one talks about Interesting Things in your scene because there is no Interesting Thing in your scene" used to be my big fear, to be honest. But I feel more confident after a recent epiphany, and if anyone else has that fear, please know that if YOU see Interesting Things in your story, that absolutely counts.

Joichi [Hybrid Dolls]

aww thank you!! I need that reminder.(edited)

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

I'm like man

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

It was a joke because deo's milk scene literally has someone being cut in half! But I do agree with you keii!

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

like I would like to, but I ain't poly and I don't want to mis represent those communties ya kno? riP

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

And there's bound to be someone who likes the same interesting things as you

Deo101 [Millennium]

yeah keiiii I worry a lot that all my comments are about asses or something because they just dont care about anything else i'm doing

Joichi [Hybrid Dolls]

Because Lavender Tea was on haitus since I thought my main lead boy was boring but I realized my friends do like simple characters which don't have to have complex pasts.

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

I'm always like "lol my comic is full of boring conversations" But then every once in a while I get someone who says they actually really like the boring conversations and that just makes me :)))(edited)

shadowhood (SunnyxRain)

People like to hyperfixate on the weirdest things in stories

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

@Eightfish (Puppeteer) YES!!!!! Interesting Talky Scenes FTW

shadowhood (SunnyxRain)

Also I actually like the casual conversations you have eightfish

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

Well like would you have as many reader if your comic was just ass panel ass panel ass panel? :P

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

like sometimes I see people asking "how do I make a talky scene interesting" and I'm like... BUT TALKY SCENES ARE INTERESTING???

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

people can have the ot3 in their dreams and I'll recognize that but for me lmao I'm like i can't

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

It is a little challenging to make talking scene interesting visually

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

ye

Joichi [Hybrid Dolls]

it is actually, like the way to keep it interesting I heard, is the angles, and not always focus on their face shots.

Deo101 [Millennium]

hands

give them an activity and focus on hands babey

LadyLazuli (Phantomarine)

OT3's, eh

shadowhood (SunnyxRain)

Background props and angles is what I show

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

feet

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

i guess suffering through complex angles in my panels do really pay off

Joichi [Hybrid Dolls]

I wanted to challenge myself to draw silent panels and minimal dialogue.

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

I wonder if I sort of lucked out with HoK, in that the characters are often (though not always) locomoting while talking. That probably makes it easier to make it visually non-boring?

shadowhood (SunnyxRain)

Ladylazuli i see you eyeing that ot3

Joichi [Hybrid Dolls]

same, I like to draw background props, different angles.

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

oh lord what u done shadow

shadowhood (SunnyxRain)

Beautiful things tuyetnhi what you talking about

Deo101 [Millennium]

ACTUALLY huge sidenote but you reminded me joichi, whats helped me get my writing way more to where I like it is every conversation being like "what if I took out all these speech bubbles?" and then actually going through and cutting most of them out

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

what u MEAN DFJAKGJDKFdjl

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

I think the ship shadow is thinking of might be more ot7billion

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

fkaljfdghakldfj what

shadowhood (SunnyxRain)

the more the merrier

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

oh god

Joichi [Hybrid Dolls]

I have shipped OT3 before. I researched quite abit into Poly and started making a story on the side, just to understand the system and responsibilities. Just know that it's not perfect, but there's some differences(edited)

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

yeah, I looked into poly relationships to but lmao even with the research and asking first hands accounts, I don't think I can do it justice

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

... me with monagamous relationships tbh

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

like it's hard working with a person in a monogamous relationship but also doing the same with 2 or more oh lord man

it's a lot of work for the persons who inciated and participating in such relationship struggles

Joichi [Hybrid Dolls]

it is still a big challenge. The good things I did hear for poly folks is, a strong sense of trust, and balancing the love between other partners. Also consent always(edited)

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

yeah

shadowhood (SunnyxRain)

I’ve read testimonies of poly people and they stress that you need a LOT of communication

There’s a lot of trust and mutual respect needed to pull off poly

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

mhm

Deo101 [Millennium]

I'd argue you need that for any relationship!

shadowhood (SunnyxRain)

Actually yeah you’re right! Every relationship needs that!

Joichi [Hybrid Dolls]

I may stick with monagamy couples most of the time. The only time I'll draw poly is a mention of couples, i feel I'm not the right person to write drama about poly relationships yet.(edited)

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

I'm like thinking like for poly persons that working with 2 or more partners like

Deo101 [Millennium]

thats why I dont write drama about any relationship LMAO

shadowhood (SunnyxRain)

I have thought about writing a poly relationship once but er....I was thinking of doing villains in a toxic one

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

how does that play out like... since I think the possibility with being burnt out with communication with multiple partners

and the partners themselves like their relationships with the main poly person's partners too

shadowhood (SunnyxRain)

And showing how it deteriorates through time when one partner is abusive and it destroys the other two

Oh I’ve seen an abusive poly in real life before

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

oof

shadowhood (SunnyxRain)

One partner chose to have multiple male partners

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

so I have rip

shadowhood (SunnyxRain)

But her boyfriend didn’t want that...and the female partner wouldn’t allow him to have other partners

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

also uh same but it was one guy with women as his multiple partners

the guy had a toxic masculinity mindset.

and i'm like to my friend like " Are you still going out with him?"

Joichi [Hybrid Dolls]

was he cheating on them though, or was it consented? Because infidelity is different from poly. My poly friends can't stress that enough(edited)

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

it was consented but from what I see it that for to established relationship he wanted like the women to be him as his partner

and they agreed to it

but he also was meeting with other women other than his poly partners

so i'm like

shadowhood (SunnyxRain)

Okay that’s....not good. And I think that’s what needs to be addressed a lot I wonder if there are comics out there that talk about poly relationships

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

idk. like if it works with them, that's on them but i'm like idk how I feel if my partner will do that when I agreed to be only monogamous to him

Joichi [Hybrid Dolls]

yes exactly. Yes there are and usually healthy poly relationship. I have to go find it, but not many comics.

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

so lmao it didn't sit well for me due to my morals I guess

but if he, and my friend, and his poly partners had it work, I guess more power to them?

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

Okay but if your partner decides to be poly without you, that's not being poly, that's cheating

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

No, eightfish the thing is that they agreed to him seeking out multiple partners while being monogamous

so it's more like an poly-open relationship thing?

at least that's in my understanding

shadowhood (SunnyxRain)

Not only that, banning your partner from seeking out others is hypocritical

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

like his partners doesn't have an issue with it

that's the distinction

idk man i don't understand well, and even equiped with this knoweldge I rather read other poly folks works about the subject than attempting poly relationship dynamics myself lmao(edited)

that's my two cents on it lol

yeah

Joichi [Hybrid Dolls]

like for some poly people, they like the idea of having multiple partners, so that there's less pressure to be a perfect partner. Some compare it to; having more than one friend? what do you guys think though?(edited)

Deo101 [Millennium]

idk I just have friends

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

I say that's some valid points. like they're varying degrees

Deo101 [Millennium]

im not poly so I cant comment

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

and the poly experience is varried so there's not right all to be all so yeah lmao.

Joichi [Hybrid Dolls]

yeah I think so too. TBH, I was feeling mixed when they compare romantic partners to having multiple friends?

but because I think the love for a partner is much deeper, but that's just me?(edited)

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

I say it's valid if you feel that, but i know folks will beg to differ on other responses

I guess for my experience, friendship love can be deep as romantic love and i'm not nesssarly lacking if I don't have love from a romantic partner nor a platonic friend

it's varied, fluid, and if it works for your understanding... I don't see the harm

Joichi [Hybrid Dolls]

ah when you explain it, I can see why, I do see friendship can be pretty deep and emotional.(edited)

Deo101 [Millennium]

I think for me, I feel love very deeply for my friends and also my boyfriend. the differences are paper thin between the way love feels for me, it really comes down to "I chose him to be the one im kissin and stuff" cause its not even "spend the rest of my life with him only", because I fully want my close friends to be with me the rest of my life! I would love to live near or with them and see them every day, so its not that sort of foreverness thats different.

its not something that I'm self aware enough to be able to pinpoint.

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

yeah!

Deo101 [Millennium]

also this is VERY off topic I feel

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

... very tru

Joichi [Hybrid Dolls]

oops, it was interesting though. I've been questioning about the differences between romantic love and friendship(edited)

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

Paper thin differences between deep friendship and strong romance are actually pretty relevant to HoK Though probably still off topic for this week's topic

Shizamura 🌟 O Sarilho

I feel like I'm arriving four years later to the party, but if we're talking about character flaws then oh boy do I have some for you! In O Sarilho, we have: - Nikita's big inability to open up to people and having absolutely no tools to deal with the traumatic things that happen around him. It's so much better to keep it all in, ignore the people who are trying to help you and just let it all come out through anger; - Shizuka always says the wrong thing. Always. It's her natural talent. She doesn't mean them that way but now they're out and that's what counts; - Franquelim avoids conflict (with good reason) to an almost complacent point; - Dária is completely unaware of her privilege and tbh her own sheer luck!!; - Steffano has some problems with making his intentions clear and privilege too, in a way he also a bad time standing up to his father's antics and correlates his relationships with how useful they are to him (and vice-versa)

eliushi [a winged tale]

I’m always curious about the creator’s process arriving at their stories and characters, including character flaws! I’m wondering how these flaws affect the character developments/dynamics and propel the story?

Shizamura 🌟 O Sarilho

at least for me, I am trying to write a story about cooperation, so figures the major flaw my main character would have would be... being very uncooperative

FeatherNotes(Krispy)

(Osarilho is amazing and illustrates that perfectly )

Shizamura 🌟 O Sarilho

()

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

Oh nooooo I was typing a long reply and accidentally deleted it

FeatherNotes(Krispy)

F

Shizamura 🌟 O Sarilho

OHNO I wAS LOOKING FORWARD FOr IT

looking at @keii’ii (Heart of Keol) is typing... with such antecipation

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

I should type in notepad and C&P but I never learn...

Shizamura 🌟 O Sarilho

well, I think character flaws need to relate in some way to the major storyline, to the big events and themes of the story, but a lot of what I got comes from my interactions with other people, seeing what they think and also how I think and evolve and rationalize stuff... but obvs that all needs to be molded in a way that serves the narrative

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

Anyway, I was starting to talk about my experience writing my previous comic, which was a conflict-driven story. What is the conflict (and/or theme), and why are these characters personally involved? What traits, goals, etc. of theirs keep them tied to this very unpleasant mess?

I didn't actually have to sit down for many days trying to figure that out. Once the biggest piece of the puzzle fell into place, the rest just followed pretty smoothly!

And the biggest piece of the puzzle was "what is it that I want to talk about with this story?"

Shizamura 🌟 O Sarilho

yeah! that kinda tends to happen xd find the big piece and the others follow

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

So I think that's sorta similar to what @Shizamura 🌟 O Sarilho said about cooperation. In my case, it was "romance can be VERY DESTRUCTIVE"

(I had seen too many "finding Mr/Ms Right fixes all of your life's problems" stories at that point in my life)

Shizamura 🌟 O Sarilho

romance doesn't put bread on the table

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

So I had: - one extremely manipulative, baby-faced MC & his love interest (figuring out that he was manipulative was a part of the First Big Piece that fell into place) - one guy who actually found his True Love, married her, but still had serious problems. He had not even begun to resolve those problems when his wife unexpectedly died - another guy whose OTP was himself x his sister who did NOT want any of that (no assault happened, but that does not make this okay) They all had other aspects that I'd consider flaws, but you can see how those flaws are central to the story.

HoK, on the other hand, isn't really a 'there is something objectively terrible going on' kinda story. (I mean there is, but the story doesn't focus on that.) So I approach it from a different angle that I can't quite articulate/describe right now.

Shizamura 🌟 O Sarilho

with terrible things it's easy to divide the characters in proactive/complacent axis

the "something terrible is happening, are you gonna do anything, or are you gonna let it happen?" but also the third option you are making the terrible thing

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

Yus

Shizamura 🌟 O Sarilho

some people transform into tigers.. to cope

carcarchu

i don't know if i've ever consciously thought about giving my characters flaws. all i think about is "this is the role they need to perform, and this is how they're going to do it"

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

Yeah, it's not like an MMO character creation process: "pick body. pick face. pick strengths. pick flaws." It's a lot more.... simpler and complex at the same time

Nutty (Court of Roses)

In Court of Roses, Merlow's main flaw is that he spends so much effort making others happy and comforted that he entirely neglects himself. He's had a traumatic experience in his past, and since it's still fresh and painful for him, instead of opening up about it, he drinks to numb the pain, if just for the night. Until the nightmares awaken him, of course. While he is an extremely social boy and thrives off the company of good friends, he is so, so afraid of them getting caught up in his troubles. So much so, that after an especially terrible nightmare, he attempted to run away into the woods to escape them "being hurt" in some way. He's constantly putting others before himself. Hopefully he'll learn through the other main bards (especially Nocturne) to take care of himself without guilt, or in a self-destructive manner.

Joichi [Hybrid Dolls]

As I think of Eliushi's question; when I typically think of flaws, I imagine they need to effect the character's life or relationships with others. Some of my older teen or adult characters, I can naturally imagine their flaws, since they are closer to real people.

While my cinnamon roll-like OCs are a little harder to figure their flaws, it can't be too dark or out of character. I figure I'll figure it out as I carry on the story(edited)

sssfrs (JOE IS DEAD)

Cricket is mean, antisocial, and irresponsible. All of the rest of the pirates hate her because she went behind their backs and did something destructive that got them all in trouble. She also has a learning disability that she's really hard on herself about, calling herself "stupid" for not being able to read. She also has no problem with killing or stealing. Captain Harriet Hopper is more of an outwardly good person, with strong moral values and a general capability of commanding respect, but she has very low self confidence, second guessing her leadership decisions and often relying on reassurance and guidance from others rather than taking control of a situation.

The rest of the cast are pretty much just ruthlessly evil with only a few exceptions.

DanitheCarutor

Julian: - They're completely humorless, they do not laugh, they do not smile, everything is VERY serious business! When a joke doesn't fly over their head, they will not find any shred of humor in it. All jokes made by them are purely accidental. - Julian has no self-worth. Self-care is practically non-existent, they don't care about sleep, hygiene, eating and anything else that would help them feel even remotely better. Also, other than with Apollo, they will never stand up for themselves or give anyone lip unless it's to defend someone else. - They are an OCD level workaholic/cleanaholic, and will clean and keep themselves busy regardless of environment. While they did pick up good domestic responsibilities and work ethic at a young age, these positive habits have turned into excessively defensive ones. - They're a tiny ball of stress that second guesses themselves constantly. They are on edge nearly 24/7 about everything, especially when it comes to their partner and his instructions. - Very unambitious overall, they don't see themselves with a future so they don't try to have one. - Julian can have quite a temper and can be an absolute stubborn mule sometimes. They used to get in a lot of fights, especially when defending other kids, now they're like those grouchy old people who'll yell at you to get off their lawn. - They refuse help from others, seeing their own needs and presence as a burden they try to keep as low a profile as possible. I try to show these flaws through Julian's actions, interactions, the subjects they talk about, body language and appearance. Admittedly a lot of their personality hasn't shown through yet, currently in the comic their slew of mental health and domestic issues are overpowering who they are as a person, they're essentially living in survival mode. Later on their personality will start to show more, with their general flaws not being as heavily influenced by poor mental health and a bad environment.

DanitheCarutor

Apollo: - While growing up, his education wasn't taken very seriously by him or his family, in turn he slacked off a lot of school and now isn't the brightest bulb in the box. The lack of good education is also coupled with being very sheltered, he started out in private school then moved into homeschooling, so he never developed any significant life experiences. - He lacks basic survival and emotional comprehension skills. These skills were never encouraged or experienced during his upbringing, so he never developed them. - Apollo is very much a spoiled brat, he puts his wants first before considering other people. Although being someone with a general good nature, he tries to do his best with his close friends, he's just not very good at being considerate. - He is extremely gullible and overly trusting. If someone he considered a good friend told him you could create diamonds through your nose by snorting wasabi he would probably believe them. - Apollo doesn't have a whole lot of respect for himself, letting people use him and swindle him out of his money and possessions. His upbringing has a lot to do with letting people take advantage of him, but it also has a lot to do with his underlying guilt for past events, he just doesn't see himself as someone worth respecting. - He's a raging alcoholic due to the previous point. But he is very stubborn about it, insisting he does not have a problem, and that he can quit any time he wants to. - Apollo is a very lazy person overall, he refuses to learn basic skills, doesn't even take care of his personal and environmental cleanliness needs half the time. I try to show Apollo's flaws the same way I show Julian's, although with him there is a lot more focus on actions since he's a much more active person. His bad decisions are a major cause for some of the current predicaments in the comic, and have had a large roll in the story so far.(edited)

SPOILER

Tantz Aerine (Without Moonlight)

Fotis' flaw is that he lets emotion take over him and tends to jump to conclusions. He's very precocious and has had to grow up too fast (he's only 14 and has experiences not many adults have, or should have) but he's still young and inexperienced. He makes errors in judgment though he learns fast. When he thinks coolly he's more likely to make a pretty solid call. But when he's angered, or feels intense grief, or intense joy or desperation, he tends to make less informed choices. Unfortunately living in WWII and Nazi-occupied Greece makes for a very unforgiving environment for trial and error. It shows often in the comic when he talks about things with older people- people that fight with their own demons and challenges.

kayotics

Oh crap, I almost missed this topic. My main character has SO many flaws

Deo101 [Millennium]

and we love him for it

shadowhood (SunnyxRain)

it's not too late

list them!

kayotics

I must prepare myself

kayotics

Some classic Toivo flaws: - Serial romantic. He loves the idea of being in love, and is desperate for it. - Flighty. He's hard to keep around. He's afraid of commitment for various reasons, and coupled with the serial romanticism, leads to a lot of heartache for him. - Related to the last one: avoidant in general. If he can avoid talking about hard conversations, he will. - A lack of coping mechanisms. This comes out in a very real way in chapter 3 when it's revealed that all of the ghosts in his house are literal ghosts of relationships, made by him trying to avoid dealing with the breakups. - Impulsive and leaps before he thinks. He's the stupidest genius you'll ever meet. He's super smart, and pretty wise, but he's going to act first before he even thinks about it. (sometimes this is a positive thing, and leads to ingenuity) - Petulant. He's pretty childish a lot of the times. - Brash. This doesn't come out as much in the comic, but when he's dealing with new people or people he doesn't like, he can be quite rude.

I'm sure there's more but those are the big ones.

[marjaystuff]

Elise Cooper Interviews Melinda Leigh

Cross Her Heart by Melinda Leigh is action-packed.  This first in a series has great characters working together to solve a murder mystery. It is a tale of lies, deceit, abuse, jealousy, guilt, blackmail, and murder along with heartbreak scenes about family.

The main character is Bree Taggert.  She has left the town of her birth and rarely goes to visit, even though her sister Erin, her niece and nephew, and brother Adam live there. As a child she had so much tragedy in her life, which included an abusive father, a murder-suicide of her father and mother, and being raised separately from her siblings.  Now more than twenty-five years later she is a Philadelphia homicide detective.  She gets a frantic voice message from her sister, Erin, and decides to return to her hometown to help. Once there, Bree finds Erin was murdered, with her estranged husband, Justin missing, and now considered a person of interest. She comes to the realization that history is repeating itself with the circumstances of Erin’s death forcing her to face past demons, as it mirrors the nightmares she lived through as a child.

Determined to get to the bottom of the murder Bree realizes that Erin’s body was found by Matt Flynn, a retired investigator and K-9 handler. Drugs were the cause of Justin and Erin’s split after he became addicted to pain medicines. Although Erin kicked him out of the house because of her children, they were still seeing each other and were trying to work things out. Teaming up with Matt Flynn, who was Justin’s old friend, Bree vows to uncover the secrets of her sister’s life and death.  The current Chief Deputy Todd Harvey knows that Bree and Matt aren’t going to sit quietly by while his department investigates. He makes a deal with them; he won’t try to stop them, but wants to be kept informed. They team up even though Bree has issues with Matt’s partner, a German Shepherd K-9 dog, after she was bitten as a child.

Although Bree has vulnerabilities she is a determined, strong, smart, and relatable character. She is thrown into the parent role, assuming the responsibility of raising the two children left behind.  Her teammate, Matt, is very supportive of her and is also strong, level-headed, and resourceful. He also has his issues, still recovering after he and his dog were shot in a friendly fire incident.

The mystery is full of twists and turns that leave the reader on the edge of their seat. With red herrings inserted throughout the plot, readers will be kept guessing who is the true killer until the very last pages. People will enjoy this first in the series and will yearn for the next book that is sure to have another heartbreaking drama, a suspenseful story, and gripping characters.

Elise Cooper: How did you get the idea for the story?

Melinda Leigh:  At a conference during a workshop on first responders I was listening to 911 tapes.  This is where I got the idea for Bree’s character.  I started to think about what happened to those people after they called for help.  Having plenty of law enforcement contacts has helped me form Bree’s character.

EC:  Abuse plays an important part?

ML:  I had taught self-defense classes.  There were women who were in an abusive situation so I was aware of the dynamics.  There is a lot of psychological manipulation that goes on with domestic violence.  It is just as common for emotional abuse as physical abuse.  The fear created is how men generate control.  

EC:  Dogs play an important role?

ML:  Bree had a tremendous fear of dogs.  It will be a long process for her to overcome it, and it will not be easy.  I also had a gateway dog in the story that is used to help her overcome her fear.  This storyline came to me after I adopted my last dog.  Ladybug is a real dog, my actual dog.  My Ladybug is the sweetest tempered dog.  Some of the other aspects of a non-intimidating dog comes from a collie I had.  She was such a good ambassador for my neighbor’s children.  

ML:  You seem fond of dogs?

EC:  I put in this quote, “trust a dog more than most people.”  Everyone should have a dog.  I would have twenty if I had the space. People can always count on their dog. I always had animals growing up.  There is also a cat and horses in the story.  Animals are such a supportive member of the family.  They are great for a writer to introduce some lightness into the story.  

EC:  How would you describe Bree?

ML:  She is brave, older than her years, but is also distrustful, likes to compartmentalize, is a straight-shooter, direct, and determined.  She is both courageous and flawed and has control issues because of what happened to her as a child.  

EC:  What about the relationship with her niece and nephew?

ML:  The relationship to the children came very quickly.  She definitely relates to them having gone through a similar past.  She doesn’t want what happened to her and her siblings to happen to Erin’s children.  She is very protective over those children, and has vowed to them she will find their mother’s killer. She slowly realizes her life will not be the same as the children become her responsibility.  

EC:  How would you describe Matt?

ML:  He is a good guy.  I like my main characters to be good people.  I think he is caring, kind, and at times funny. A former police K-9 handler has him loving dogs, which is why he adopted his German Shepherd partner, Brody, after he was also retired. At first, he has become a friend to Bree, and the relationship will be slowly developed because of all Bree has gone through.

EC:  How do you think the children were affected by what happened when they were young?

ML:  Three siblings were in the same situation and they reacted differently.  All three children came out wounded. Bree was much older so she has more memories than her siblings.  She remembers her life before losing her parents.  Her sister Erin is more desperate to be loved and she was not able to function when she was alone.  She felt her childhood was stolen where Bree remembers her childhood and does not want any part of it.  Adam, who was only a baby, has an emotional disconnect, maybe as a coping mechanism.

EC:  How would you describe Dana Romano?

ML:  She was Bree’s police partner. Because she had retired, she is helping Bree out with the children and household.  She fills the family role and is a steady mentor to Bree. I think family is not always blood relatives, but is sometimes made.

EC:  What about your next book?

ML:  Book 2, See Her Die, releases in September. Book 3 comes out in March.  I am hoping there will be more than four books in the series.  Throughout the series there will be the core characters of Bree, Matt, Dana, and the children. I enjoy writing characters that build up over a number of books.  In book 2 a new dog will be introduced as a police dog.  It begins right after Bree takes over as Sheriff. The first major case has a homeless teenager witnessing a murder, but no one believes her.  

THANK YOU!!

[morsmordrehasbeensaved]

CONGRATULATIONS JESS, YOU HAVE BEEN ACCEPTED AS VIKTORIA KARKAROFF WITH THE FACECLAIM OF ERIKA LINDER!

Welcome to the roleplay, Jess! From the moment you sent me your little character description to plot out a connection through the IM’s, I had a feeling we were going to like your application - and turns out, I was right. We absolutely love Viktoria, her description, her personality, her bio - it was all just wonderful to read and we cannot wait to have her (and you!) join our group and to plot and write with you.

Check out our acceptance checklist right here on what to do next!

♔ OUT OF CHARACTER INFO ♔

NAME/ALIAS:

Jess

AGE:

23

PREFERRED PRONOUNS:

She/Her

TIMEZONE & ACTIVITY:

GMT and I’m usually on once a day!

TRIGGERS:

REMOVED.

ANYTHING ELSE:

REMOVED.

♔ IN CHARACTER INFO ♔

FULL NAME:

Viktoria ‘Vik’ Karkaroff

FACECLAIM:

Erika Linder

BIRTHDAY AND AGE:

Born on January 2nd, 17 years old

HOUSE AND YEAR:

Gryffindor, 7th year

AFFILIATION:

Order of the Phoenix

BLOODSTATUS:

Pureblood

PRONOUNS:

She/Her

SEXUALITY/ROMANTIC ORIENTATION:

Pansexual, Homoromantic

EXTRACURRICULARS:

Quidditch Seeker

Art Club

Magical Creatures Club

DESCRIPTION:

You were supposed to be someone else. You failed your parents and they silenced you, over and over again. You still find it hard to use your voice. They maimed you, but you don’t wear your wounds. You fight back and you fight for others who cannot fight for themselves. They do not understand you but you understand yourself. Anger is your downfall, but it empassions your art. Not everyone is out to get you, it’s difficult but you have the courage to try and learn. Good will always win out, to stay good is your hardest task.

PERSONALITY TRAITS:

+ ( Resilient, Selfless, Creative )

Vik has been through the ringer with parental abuses. Though her sulky and quietly brooding nature might scream Slytherin, there is a fire in to survive and to thrive that aligns with the heart of a Gryffindor. There is nothing she can’t overcome, and those she is artistically creative she usually takes a more brute force approach. This is showcased when standing up for herself and more especially others. There is no situation in which Vik is a bystander, there is a compulsion in her that needs to stand in front of others to prevent them being harmed. It’s something she wished her brother had done, so she will not follow in his sheepish footsteps in that regard.

- ( Volatile, Stony, Distrustful )

She won’t shout, you won’t hear her anger coming. Vik is rather explosive, dangerous too because she is clever in her volatile nature. She has any number of spells and incantations to disarm an opponent in any given situation. It’s best to play nice around her, or hope that you are able to deal with her wrath. When content with all around her it’s hard to read her, her rigid jaw unmoving for most and smiling was only a response she started actually utilizing when she got to Hogwarts. Resting bitch face isn’t the phrase, Resting vogue face perhaps. It’s a face that says ‘I don’t trust anyone’, and she doesn’t. How could she after how her parents treated her? There is a part of Vik that’s jealous of the tight-knit friendships everyone seems to have, but she doesn’t trust others, nor does she trust herself. She’d never forgive herself if she hurt someone, better to steer clear altogether, even if it pains her.

BIOGRAPHY:

Aren’t you a girl?

Born to a pair of Death Eater’s with a proud older brother who stood over her, casting his shadow on her with every step. She was to be great but had trouble finding her footing beside a brother who seemed to do everything right. He was strong and he followed their ideology as if it was interwoven in him. Viktoria did not feel as well-weaved, a tangled mess of other and strangeness. As soon as she could toddle on her own two feet she refused frills and the dainty touch that her mother imposed on her. Freedoms and liberties lost because she was supposed to be fairer. Vik had no qualms about questioning the stern authority that opposed her wants, dishing out why’s where she saw fit. Why couldn’t she do as her brother did and why did she feel so restrained? It was an embarrassment, a failure and constant acts of defiance would not be tolerated in their household, they would not be heard. And so they weren’t. Silencio. She wasn’t sure how many times that had been muttered in her company, her mouth trying to form words that her vocal chords had forgotten to produce. After many years of the same abuse, she stopped talking, knowing what she would get in return, a self-taught mute, waiting for something to change.

Shouldn’t you be in Durmstrang?

An unsure young Vik took the steps slowly as they ascended to be sorted. Snide remarks hit her, a Karkaroff should be in Durmstrang, but she had been ousted, offloaded. She should have been stood beside her brother enrobed in red velvet, swaddled in a family history that would have seen her sail through their institution. The Sorting Hat concerned her, icy blue eyes looking from table to table wondering how it would judge her. There was a part of Vik that expected it to announce that she simply didn’t belong and she’d be shipped back to her parents’ cruel clutches. It would judge her and it would know that she wasn’t worth the chair she was perched on. “Gryffindor!” Rang out through the Great Hall before she hurried to her seat in a sea of red and gold. There were too many voices and so many hands that she was surely motion sick, one or two nods were managed before her head lowered and she allowed the excited youth to express themselves. It was a hesitant start but at least she had a place.

Do you ever say anything?

School had been years of silence. It was enjoyable and Vik was enriched by what she had learned, but she was always going to be better at observing than mindless chatter that seemed to come so easily to others. She found avenues that suited her, the library being a safe haven and the position of seeker couldn’t have been more ideal for her. Her broom was her best friend, hours on end spent chasing a golden wisp that most others couldn’t have hoped to even see. Vik found herself rather adept in the role of seeker, found a small place for herself, a place that she could call her own and have people recognize her for it. What’s more, it was positive and so entirely comforting that it allowed her to realize her potential and even got her talking more. A sentence at a time, still breathy and heavily gapped by an overworked mind trying to believe she had things worth hearing.

Seventh year brought about anxieties of the future and the home she would return to when school finished up for the summer. The comments about her, those who wished to understand her mystery in such a callous way seemed to become a more inscrutable background noise, one that she’d learned to block out. There were bigger worries, fears that she would lose the voice she found if she didn’t have somewhere to go after school. Home was not an option, there had never been a home. An interest developed in the war that was being waged, her parents sending her cryptic propaganda a few times a year to remind her where she came from. Her making use of ‘incendio’ to reaffirm how far she was away and how much she’d learned. Become a Death Eater? She couldn’t. Every part of her pulled away from that life and thus every part of her pulled away from her parents. She does everything she can to know more and more about the Order, trying to make connections even with her unimpressive social skills. Vik wants good to reign supreme and knows that she will not stop until the war has ended and her side has won.

CONNECTIONS:

Alice Fortescue - Past flame, thinks about her often, hopes she’s happy Liliane Chastain - Friend, source of artistic muse Gideon Prewett - Friend, a shared interest of teaching each other their strong suits

ADDITIONAL INFO:

im so hype to send in this app that this bit is blank, my bad!!

[oliveheart-worldbuilding]

Name meaning: Cherry- (Prunus avium) because of her mostly white fur that resemble the flowers of this tree. Flower- nurturing cat who is incredibly good at raising kittens.

Gender: Female cis

Sexuality: Heterosexual

Life mate: ~

Reproductive mate: ~

Family:

Blood parents- Storkpelt and Copperface

Foster father- Privetcloud

Siblings- Copperstorm

Half-siblings- Cootkit, Sootkit, Cloudkit, Foamkit and Antkit

Personality: Gentle, over-critical, optimistic, motherly, good mediator and resilient cat. Cherryflower is an overly gentle and optimistic cat that loves helping those around her; tough she can be quite troublemaker when she is with Pebblefoot and Lythrumnose she always means good. She’s extremely good with kits and younger apprentices; she loves babysitting and helping younger apprentices with every problem they may have. She does work as a mediator for warriors too as she is really good at listening to other cats’ troubles and, impartially, decide whose argument or idea makes more sense or is more appropriate. She tends to be over-critical of the decisions those around her take and is quickly to distrust someone who she considers a hypocrite or a liar. Cherryflower, despite her looks, is extremely resilient; being capable of overcoming fears, sadness or anything that might hurt her, really fast. Everyone who considers her pretty and frail normally change their mind upon getting to know her.

Story:

Kit- Cherryflower was born alongside Copperstorm to Copperface and Storkpelt. While Copperstorm was always her father’s favorite, Cherryflower remained by her mother’s side most of the time due to her weaker condition when she was born. Cherryflower would stay by her mother’s side and listen to her stories and clan’s legends. Throughout her kithood she discovered that her parents’ relationship was not really good but remained silent about it only helping her mother when she was down; this made her mature up really quickly.

Apprentice- Became apprentice to Rainpath when he was still mentoring Pebblefoot. Both mollies became good friends from the really beginning, Cherryflower had the caring and motherly personality Pebblefoot needed and Pebblefoot had a shy and calm nature that Cherryflower couldn’t get from her family. Her father’s death was the first time she interacted with death directly but, though sad about her father’s death, she overcame it extremely quickly. Her father had never been good to her or her mother (or that she tought) and she felt more like a tool he had used than an actual daughter. Watching as her mother started to search more and more comfort in Privetcloud she decided to cheer these interactions seeing them as an opportunity for her mother to feel actually loved and cared for, much to Copperstorm’s dismay who felt they both were betraying Copperface’s memories; both sisters started to argue daily and their differences ended up separating them completely. She started to act as a helper to younger apprentices befriending Lythrumnose. From that day on, Lythrumnose, Pebblefoot and Cherryflower became a group of inseparable friends.

Warrior- Became a –flower cat after her dedication helping everyone especially younger apprentices and distressed queens with their energetic kits. Pebblefoot, Lythrumnose and herself became a known group of cats in Seaclan as a helping/supporting group for apprentices, queens and young warriors. Sometimes they would even help the deputy or leader taking decisions such as what apprentice should be trained by what warrior or what name should an apprentice receive. Heronpaw became her first apprentice; tough both mollies did not have much in common, Cherryflower hopes she can teach the egoistical and whimsical cat some manners and how to rule her own life without entirely depending on her older sister, Ibispaw. Fully approves her mother’s decision of becoming Privetcloud’s mate; when she heard the news of her mother being pregnant she was really excited and glad that she would have the opportunity of helping her raise them. She plans on becoming mother soon tough has decided that she will not take a life mate, she prefers choosing a loner nearby and raising the kits herself with her mother and friends’ help. Her constant arguments with her sister have cooled down with time; tough both sisters do not talk much, Cherryflower loves her sister and is trying to be back on terms with her which is difficult considering how different both of them are and how Copperstorm doesn’t seem cooperative at all.

Elder- ~

This character belongs to me please do not use it without my permission.

[thecrossovergames]

Accepted: Bellamy Blake

because i needed yet another muse

OOC

Name: they call me Hamlet ‘cause i’m so tragic & boring

Age: still younger than all of y’all

Preferred pronoun(s): Dadmin

Activity level: what does this mean

Time Zone: oi oi oi

Limits/Triggers: eating raw onions

Previous Roleplay Accounts: idk her

Additional Characters: i have 3 muses left and they’re all girls, can u swing it

IC Character Name: Bellamy Blake

Character Age & Birthday: 23 / August 14

Character Species*: Human

Character Face Claim*: Bob Morley, my fellow aussie pal

District of Origin: Three

Strengths:

Brave: In such a frightening world, Bellamy always tries his best to be brave, telling himself that fears are just fears, and if he slays his demons when he’s awake, they won’t be there to get him in his sleep. With a younger sister to protect and training on his side, he’s learnt to face his fears head on and keep going no matter what. Even if he’s terrified, he forces himself to deal with it because that’s how he’ll get the job done and done right. He’ll rise to any challenge and often completes them quickly and efficiently. Even arguing with him can be confronting, as Bellamy isn’t one to give up, and will share his honest opinion even if it’s unwanted.

Sharp: A trait he’s likely inherited from his father, Bellamy is extremely intuitive, and actively solves problems by doing. He’s particularly quick on his feet in dangerous situations, and is able to sense when someone or something isn’t right. By following his gut, Bellamy will decide if someone is genuine, and if so, he will support them until his dying breath, even if no one else trusts them. He relies on knowledge and experience from training, and is able to help others do the same; but he’s not opposed to using his skills to manipulate them either. Whatever gets him what he needs.

Moral code: Bellamy has set his own strict moral code that allows him to do necessary and often controversial things all in the name of survival. As a natural born leader who believes in justice, this code is the only way he can avoid stirring up excessive internal conflict, and make decisions on the spot. He is able to recognise when he’s made the wrong call however, and the guilt will always catch up with him later. Bellamy is a man of his word, and will accept all responsibility and punishment for his actions; but that won’t stop him from doing it again if he feels he has to.

Training: For over a year, Bellamy trained alongside a league of Peacekeepers in the Capitol. Working for Voldemort meant he had to be the best of the best or he’d be killed and replaced faster than he could blink. During those months, Bellamy pushed himself to his physical and emotional limit, and can now perform extremely well under pressure and adapt quickly to his environment. Although guns remain his preference, he’s also learned how to handle all sorts of weaponry with a natural ease, and is willing to train others. It’s only fair that everyone should be able to protect themselves.

Weaknesses:

Restrained: Bellamy has always believed that surviving and living are two very different things, and to do either, you have to be two very different people. A lot of things scare him, especially his own actions, but he will never show it because that’s how he overcomes. Even though he feels things deeply, actually expressing emotion is difficult for him, and he will avoid talking about them or himself. While it’s not hard to notice that he cares, he’s much more comfortable showing his affection through leading, protecting and other physical services. By burying his emotions, he survives with the hope that one day, he will live.

Octavia: Bellamy shows great restraint in his emotions except when it comes to his sister, Octavia, who he vowed to protect the moment she was born. His love for her is his most obvious, and his only self-recognised weakness. To make his sister happy, or to protect her, Bell will disregard his own ideas and change plans of action entirely, even if it means endangering others. It can often be selfish, but she’s his only family left and he will do whatever he can to make it up to her. His sister, his responsibility.

Guilt: No matter how hard he tries to justify to himself that he was only doing what he had to, Bellamy carries more guilt than any person should. He believes he’s caused all his family’s pain, and will never forgive himself for it. He was forced to do some questionable things when in training, yet made questionable decisions of his own when they were hiding out in Two. He’s convinced himself the many deaths he’s caused were essential for survival, but the guilt is always close behind. If it reaches him, he can be irrational and easily manipulated. Now a leader for Coin, he’s beginning to understand why the heroes in his favourite stories often forfeited their crowns.

Distrustful: Having been raised in such a strict and hostile environment with only his family for company, Bellamy has taken to second guessing people’s intentions, finding it hard to ever completely trust. He’s compassionate, but he has a selfish side too, his immediate priority always to protect himself and his sister. He trusts his own gut instinct and will form an opinion about something pretty fast; but he can often be wrong. Because it’s extremely hard for him to forgive, he can be prejudiced toward any type of person he hasn’t trusted before. However, if someone does manage to win Bellamy’s trust, his loyalty will be unwavering.

Biography:

Bellamy Blake spent the first five years of his life in District Three, but if you asked him about it now, he couldn’t tell you much. Just that it must have been peaceful, or he would’ve remembered otherwise. Pain is far more memorable, and Bellamy seemed to face a lot of it once they’d moved to the Capitol. He and his mother followed after his father, a recently trained Peacekeeper who’d been transferred from the Nut and hired as a security corporal in Lord Voldemort’s private affairs. Bellamy barely knew the man, and that would never change, as life within the Capitol mansion was extremely strict and family was seen as a distraction. Unless you were a pure-blood wizard, the Dark Lord had a one child policy within his ranks, and held those children’s lives against their parents, ensuring that they remained silent, and that he remained their only priority. Bellamy’s mother, Aurora, continued her job from Three as a seamstress, working right from their room. She was busy, but unlike his father she was always there, and Bellamy grew very close to her. He was tutored privately within the mansion and often brought books back to their room for them to read together, history being his favourite subject. He’d always loved stories of emperors, rebels and kings.

When he was seven, a terrified Aurora explained that she was pregnant, but Bellamy had always been bright, and he understood immediately that this was not news to share. Not that he had anyone to share it with; all of the mansion’s workers scared him. But Aurora had taught him fear was a demon, and he was to look them in the eye and never be afraid. To avoid suspicion, the infrequent visits from his father ceased entirely, and Bellamy never saw the man again. For nine months, the boy worked as Aurora’s assistant, delivering her garments and bringing back supplies, ensuring that she’d never have to leave their room; until finally, she went into labour. Bell’s little sister was born right on their bedroom floor, his near unconscious mother telling him that she was now his responsibility, no matter what. It was as if his life had started anew. Staring into his baby sister’s eyes, finger in her mouth to help keep her quiet, young Bellamy promised that he would always keep her safe. Just like Emperor Augustus would have for his sister, in the books he’d read. His sister, Octavia. Having been taught to never trust anyone in the mansion, Bellamy’s family was the only thing he’d ever known. And from that day onward, family would forever remain his first priority.

To make sure their father wasn’t executed for having a second child, Octavia was forced to live only within their quarters, Bellamy warning she could never step a foot outside their door. Whenever mansion staff visited, Bellamy and their mother would hide O in an old vent under the floorboards. The thought of his little sister being caught and killed scared him senseless, but the fear on Octavia’s face as she lowered herself into the hole each day was much worse, and Bellamy knew he had to be brave for her. He taught her to repeat “I am not afraid” to herself until it was over, something she carried out for sixteen years. Despite her begging, she could never attend school, so Bell would recount every lesson he received at tutoring, and the pair would study together at their mother’s feet. When he was fourteen, he was assigned work in the sanitation unit, despite desperately wanting to be a guard just like his father. Just like the real heroes in his books. His wishes were granted when the Rebellion broke out, reaching the mansion post haste.

Everything changed quickly after that. The Blakes were told their father died ‘during conflict’, and a shaken Bellamy was conscripted immediately to train and take his place. Grief for his father didn’t last long though, and he also had no interest in defending a leader that had always terrified him. It wasn’t until Bellamy discovered the advantages of his new position that he got into the role and the responsibility, training hard. By using his new security clearance, he was able to find out when staff would be visiting their quarters. Security was much tighter thanks to the Rebels though, and after many close calls for Octavia, Aurora took to sleeping with guards to gain intel herself. This lasted for months, until eventually, some Rebels were caught by Voldemort and his team, and the mansion hosted a televised event where captives could be bid on. As part of training field experience, Bellamy was on duty, and to take his mind off the discomfort of the evening, he decided to surprise O for her sixteenth birthday. The formal dress code made it easy to sneak her in, and for the first time ever, Octavia stepped out of their room. Despite the horrors around them, her smile that night was something Bellamy will never forget. His only mistake was not telling her who the Rebels were, and why there was even a ‘party’ in the first place. An excited Octavia spoke to the wrong crowd and was approached by guards immediately. Shaking, Bellamy stepped in, claiming she had to be a clueless plus one; but she refused to identify herself and was dragged off for questioning.

Their mother was executed immediately. A screaming Octavia was taken away to the cells, and Bellamy was left with nothing and no one but his own guilt. Shattered and demoted back to sanitation, Bellamy kept his head down for a year — until an opportunity arose for them to escape. He still had some connections within security, and as the Rebels destroyed Voldemort’s horcruxes one by one, those contacts managed to get O out of prison, and the siblings out the gates. The guarding Capitol Peacekeepers were another matter, but Bellamy dealtwith them quickly and quietly. The Blakes then fled to District Two and attempted to deal with their grief in an abandoned house, training and waiting as the rebellion swallowed Voldemort whole. The new world rose, and Coin was so promising, and the siblings were so relieved that with no other skills, Bellamy broke his own promise to never return to that mansion, and the pair gave the new President their support. Now working back in an all too familiar environment, Octavia is in training while Bellamy oversees the President’s recruits and their schedules. The Rebels, who’d Bellamy once looked at with such respect, had betrayed them and risked their new, free Panem. Imprisoning the traitors seemed fair, just while Coin works to create a better place for them all. But the longer Bellamy spends meeting terrified gazes through the bars, the more he starts to question their fearless leader’s motives. He’s now beginning to wonder just how well they really know Alma Coin.

Changes/Comments:

remember when voldemort was our biggest problem