#because of the same reason you mentioned in the post- being your true self

[constant-state-of-self-discovery]

Hear me out

The perfect subversion to this trope?

Literally just Shrek 1

too many stories about turning yourself into a monster as a metaphor for pretending to be something you aren't and losing yourself in the process. not enough stories about turning yourself into a monster as a metaphor for choosing to openly embrace yourself even if it's strange to other people

[cripplecharacters]

Writing Profoundly Intellectually Disabled Characters

[Plain Text: Writing Profoundly Intellectually Disabled Characters]

While there is a glaring lack of intellectually disabled characters - except maybe big, physically strong, white men who can’t “tell right from wrong” or have a personality - in all sorts of media, specifically profoundly intellectually disabled characters are next to non-existent, with the existing ones being used more often as plot devices rather than portrayed as human beings.

This does make a degree (and not more) of sense considering that 85% of ID people have it mild, 10% moderate, 3.5% severe and only 1.5% has profound ID, the larger group inevitably gets more representation (which doesn’t make it good, but it does exist). However, it hopefully doesn’t need explaining that minorities deserve to be represented too (...and represented well), so this is what this post will be about.

Please don’t treat this as your only source on writing a character like this (even though I’m willing to bet it’s the only one like this, at least on tumblr), do your research and always check other sources.

Also, for clarity: intellectual disability isn't an umberalla term for "mental/brain disability". It's a specific, singular diagnosis that used to be known as "mental [r slur]". It's not the same as brain damage, autism, dementia, dyslexia, and anything else that's not specifically "intellectual disability". It's something that you are either born with or acquire early in life.

How do I Include Them in the Story?

[Plain Text: How do I include them in the story?]

A profoundly ID person will spend the majority of their time either at home or in some sort of care facility since they will require 24/7 help. The easiest role to put them in is probably a family member of another character. I've mentioned on this blog before that the "ID characters always end up as the annoying younger sibling" thing is overdone, but none of these necessarily have to be true for this suggestion to work (especially not the "annoying" part).

A non-ID character could have an intellectually disabled older sibling, twin, cousin, uncle/aunt, the sibling of a grandparent, etc. Seriously - a severely disabled person can be an adult, or even an elder. Just not as a parent, since a profoundly disabled person can't consent (a lot of ID people very much can, but this is the one disability where your level of functioning is baked into the exact diagnosis - profound ID comes with the inability to consent/understand the consequences enough to consent).

"They're a family member" is basically the easiest "excuse" to include a profoundly intellectually disabled in a story (and, as a bonus, you don't have to figure out how the other character would react to meeting them for the first time, since they probably knew each other for a long time already).

If your story isn't about the profoundly disabled character and instead just features them as a character, it would be much easier to not make the other character their primary caregiver. It's simply a ton of work and the character wouldn't have time for fighting dragons and whatnot - it'd be easier to have the abled character spend time with the disabled character at home (or care facility; you can very much visit someone in one) hanging out rather than actually doing the caregiving part.

Outside of a home and a care facility, there are also day care programs that some people might attend. This is the rarest solution out of the three mainly because of financial reasons, but also these resources aren’t as common for people who can’t walk, learn self-care, etc. Going to one takes time (the profoundly disabled person isn’t gonna walk there by themselves) and probably requires a specialized van (that you can bring a wheelchair in, which is incredibly expensive). Most day care programs are focused on people who are moderately or severely ID at most. One made for profoundly ID people would require 1:1 aides, which generally means the programs are much smaller for logistical reasons, but also even more expensive. For most people, too expensive without funding. Basically, this is an option, but you have to consider your character’s financial situation and/or what kind of financial support do disabled people get where they live.

Another way is having the disabled character in some sort of high position - in real life there were quite a few cases of profoundly and severely intellectually disabled royalty. Depending on the place and time there might have been pressure to not let the public see them, but this wasn't always the case. The biggest example of the latter was probably Emperor An of Jin (the first Jin, Eastern one) who was, as his title suggests, crowned at some point. He didn’t actually rule (his uncle did) but yes, you can have a severely disabled person as the head of a monarchy, it’s not without precedent.

In fiction you can do whatever you want anyway when it comes to ableism, you can have it be there, or you can have it not be there - and if it does exist then there are still different kinds of ableism you can portray that aren't the "literally killing-the-disabled-baby/hiding-them-in-some-dungeon level of eugenics" kind. Maybe a rich family who cares about their image would actually be unable to shut up about their kid to show how "saint-like" they are for caring for the disabled - it is unfortunately realistic, and can be a potential way to have the character exist in public, not ignore ableism, and also not go the aforementioned literally-just-murder route that writers usually do to show an ableist family.

Characterization

[Plain Text: Characterization]

Warning; the bar here is somewhere in the Earth's inner core. If your character has a single characteristic beyond aggressive/loud/unmanageable*, they're automatically at the top of most complex fictional representation of severely/profoundly ID characters. Congrats.

* - Some people are those things but, unsurprisingly, they're other things too. A lot of profoundly ID people can actually be completely quiet - you notice people who are loud because they're loud.

As with literally every character, you need to figure out what they like and not like. This can be quite literally anything, but try to think of the basic stuff. Do they have something they really enjoy eating (and conversely - something they refuse to eat)? Do they have some sort of comfort toy or object they don't want anyone touching (and maybe showing them playing with it with a different character could be a way to show how much they trust them)? In more modern settings, do they have a favorite show they always bug everyone to put on? Are they really clingy or do they hate physical contact (again, maybe they only enjoy it from a specific character)?

Another characterization could be comfort objects. A lot of profoundly ID people are autistic (which I'll touch on later) and will have an object that they bring everywhere the same way that non-ID autistic people might. There's nothing really specific here, just another layer of "this character is a Person". Maybe they have a blanket they really enjoy chewing because the texture feels good or some sort of plushie they like to throw around because it makes a sound they find funny. Lots of options. Maybe they have a personal “tell” to let others know they want their comfort object brought to them.

Keep in mind, you have to show this all in non-verbal manner. A profoundly ID person is probably not using any sort of AAC device (the most robust one I remember seeing right now was a low-tech one with "yes" and "no", but there are probably ones who operate on a larger amount of singular words). This is basically another opportunity for characterization - what do they do when they're happy - laugh, flap their arms, make sounds? - and when they're upset - scream, hit themselves, make different sounds? Obviously, you'd have to take other disabilities into account (e.g. many profoundly ID people won't move much, some might not be able to make much audible sound, etc.) but almost anything helps.

This brings us to…

Communication

[Plain Text: Communication]

An important thing (concept?) I'll throw here is "total communication", which can mean different things in different contexts, but here I'll use it to mean "using everything you can to communicate with someone who cannot do so in a ‘traditional’ way".

Communication can be categorized as having two sides; expressive and receptive. For most intellectually disabled people in general, receptive skills tend to be significantly higher than expressive ones, though there are specific disorders where it’s reversed or equal. As mentioned before, most profoundly ID people won’t speak orally, won’t use sign language, and won’t use AAC (though out of all three, AAC is the most likely one). Some might say single words, but that’s about it. It’s not a “physically mute but can write perfectly grammatically correct sentences” situation, it’s more of a “[single noun]” one, if anything. Receptive skills however are pretty decent (in comparison) and they would probably understand their name, the name/title of their carer(s), names of things they see every day, events they have some frame of reference to (e.g. if they grew up Christian, they would probably know what Christmas is), etc. Your other characters could (and should) talk to them like they can understand, even if they don’t catch everything or even most of it. I say a lot of “probably” there, but the people who can’t do so usually have other comorbidities, which I’ll mention later.

To go back to expressive communication, eye pointing can be used to figure out what the character wants. A change in breathing can be used to tell that a character got stressed. Throwing an object can be used as a hint that the character wants to play. Maybe them reaching towards person A means they want to eat, but reaching towards person B means they want them to sing a song for them. Maybe them making a particular face means they just had a seizure and need to be comforted. Whatever their "tells" like this might be, other characters who know them would probably be able to tell more-or-less what's going on - you don't have to go really in-depth, especially if it's a minor character, but figuring out the ways your character communicates with others will make it feel more like a person and not a Disabled Lamp (“if you can replace a disabled character with a lamp or a sick dog, they’re not a character”).

If you read some of these and go "that's a thing that a child would do" then you're not necessarily wrong. A profoundly ID adult might enjoy activities that primarily kids partake in. This is, I can't stress this enough, not the same as "mentally being a child". Otherwise, a whole bunch of adults on this very website would be "mental middle schoolers" based on the shows that they watch - but they're obviously not. A profoundly ID adult doesn't have the "mind of a baby" if their favorite game is throwing a toy, they have the mind of a profoundly intellectually disabled adult. Sometimes people assume that since ID people aren't mentally [incorrect age], they always "act their [actual] age" and essentially end up downplaying how much some people's ID affects them, when the point is that no matter what you do, you are your age. An ID character who is 26 years, incontinent, constantly puts their hand in their mouth, can't speak, whatever, is mentally 26 years old the same way that they would be if they had a wife and a mortgage.

For the last thing from this section I'll circle back to the assumption that all severely/profoundly ID people are loud, aggressive, etc. - as I said, some of them are (just like abled people). The thing is, this is not always an unreasonable response to being unable to communicate with the people who are caring for you. If you had a pressure sore but couldn't explain it to anyone you'd be pissed off and screaming too. That's an extreme example, but still applies. If someone is severely stressed out (for an abled person, this might be inheriting a ton of debt, for a profoundly ID person it can be a change in daily routine), they can lash out. It's an unpleasant but very much human reaction to have, even if what's behind the ID person's behavior is significantly different from what an average abled person might consider "a good reason".

So I guess my advice is, try to show some empathy to the character, even if they genuinely are loud and/or aggressive. Intellectually disabled people - including the profoundly disabled ones - aren't some alien species that is just mean and hates their caregivers for no reason, some just can't process their feelings the way an abled person might because of their disability. That's not to say that caregivers aren't allowed to feel frustrated - because they are - but that very severely disabled people aren't purposefully evil. As mentioned in the earlier parts, all behavior has a cause, just like for literally everyone. So if the character is being "unmanageable": maybe they aren't some cursed burden, maybe they're just stressed out of their mind and now someone they don't know that well is trying to do *something* to them, which they can't figure out because of their disability affecting their receptive language skills.

Resources and What to Keep in Mind

[Plain Text: Resources and What to Keep in Mind]

Some resources you might read about ID can be potentially misleading. Even if you specifically look for causes of the profound severity of intellectual disability, you will get results for mild ID. That's mainly because people with mild ID make up >85% of intellectually disabled people and those with profound ID make like 1%, so they're a minority in a minority.

Basically:

Down syndrome is a very unlikely cause. It's always listed as the main genetic cause of ID, but that's only true for mild and moderate severities. If you choose any of the common causes of ID make sure it actually has the symptoms you're looking for.

Most profoundly ID people will have either severe brain damage early in life (and this can come with cerebral palsy), cephalic disorders (e.g. microcephaly), genetic conditions that you've never heard of (e.g. Pallister-Killian or Emanuel syndromes, 3p deletion), genetic conditions that you've never heard of for a very understandable reason (e.g. X-linked intellectual disability-limb spasticity-retinal dystrophy-arginine vasopressin deficiency… there are hundreds named in this way), or just have it without a known cause. The last one happens much more often than people tend to assume.

For a reason I'll probably discover at some point, most disorders and syndromes that come with ID are said to have "autistic-like features" rather than being "comorbid with autism". In practice, it's the same thing. Your character is probably autistic.

In the same way, a lot of practical resources will assume that ID = moderate ID (since most mildly affected need no or minimal support, and severely/profoundly disabled ones are a small minority) so pay attention if you're looking at the right things. If it's talking about having a job, travelling alone, etc., then you got clickbaited.

Another subsection here will be comorbidities because there are a lot of them. I’ll mention the biggest ones.

Brain damage is the most common one (except autism) and can vary a lot. There is barely anything I can say about this one, it’s an enormous spectrum that for some people causes disability and for others barely affects their symptoms. Cerebral palsy, especially quadriplegic, is seen a lot and might affect the character’s mobility a lot. Some people might be unable to breathe or swallow and need a breathing or feeding tube.

Deafness and blindness are comorbid with a surprising amount of causes of ID. The thing is, you could take advice for deaf/blind characters as-in for a character that has both (e.g.) glaucoma and mild ID and not change much, but this doesn’t really work for a character who’s profoundly disabled like this. The situation that can happen here is that it’s not actually known if the person is or isn’t deaf or blind because they can’t tell you. As mentioned earlier, some people will have absent receptive communication skills. How do you verify if they’re deaf or just not reactive to language? Some people won’t react to even extremely loud sounds, even if they can hear them perfectly well (besides, a lot of deaf people can still hear some). Same for verifying if they are blind - obviously, sometimes there’s something visual going on, but often there isn’t. Especially since the main causes of both blindness and deafness will be brain-based, not ear- or eye-based. Another character not being sure if the disabled character is blind or just very uninterested in visual stimuli is a possibility, especially with less advanced medicine.  This is also why you might see those weird statistics of "between 5-90% of people with [condition] are deaf" kind.

Mobility is almost always severely affected. Some are fully mobile, but that’s simply not common. The average person will be unable to walk independently. It’s not always a muscle or nerve problem (though it absolutely can be), it’s mostly an issue of coordination. Because of this (and understanding physical space), operating a wheelchair (...successfully) might be impossible. This doesn’t mean you should just drop your character in a hospital wheelchair for them to get wheeled around because they will probably need a wheelchair that will actually support them - a headrest, ability to tilt, a harness, all that. This could be done with a powerchair (they can have controls on the back for a second person to operate), a manual wheelchair, or an adaptive stroller.

Now for resources;

One good resource I can recommend is SBSK (which I shared before), to my knowledge this is the only place that interviews severely and profoundly ID people (+their families) and the interviewer is great at actually interacting with many of them. 

Most resources on the practical things only ever talk about caregivers (who are very important) but completely ignore the actual person being cared for which IMO kinda defeats the point.

Good luck writing!

mod Sasza

[ode2rin]

all my flaws

pairing. itoshi rin x gn!reader

genre. post-argument fluff | suggestive themes | established relationship | new boyfriend!rin 

content/warnings. 2k+ wc | characters are in their 20s ! | pro-athlete!rin | making out | narration heavy! | profanity | minimal proofread (me and my word vomit) | it’s like a new installment of this rin

in which: people say new relationships supposedly need a breakthrough fight to level up, but rin swears he would rather go through hell than do this again.

Your first fight as a couple freaked Rin out, even though he appeared stoic during the argument.

In the heat of the moment, Rin abruptly left your apartment, not uttering a word. Instead, he left you with a lingering glance filled with apathy—a look he'd never cast upon you before. His eyes turned void once again, when you were just getting used to it being bright and free.

What began as a simple disagreement, like any other couple's quarrel, escalated into rhetorical questions, accusing tones, and suddenly, it was him against you.

Silently, he rose from his seat, walked to the door, and vanished like a shadow that had never existed. To Rin, it felt like the right thing to do. You can't leave him if he does it first, he convinced himself. A twisted logic, fueled by emotions creeping from his past.

Yet apparently, his logic seems to be in total shambles when mixed and driven by emotions concerning you, because ten minutes later down the road, he wanted nothing more but to turn the car around.

Even so, in Rin’s true self-sabotaging fashion, he refrained. Because he’s awful, selfish, and couldn’t even fix insignificant arguments like a normal person would. Convinced of his own flaws, he believed you shouldn’t be with him— shouldn’t give him that chance after all.

The next thing he knew, the ten minutes he could’ve made to retreat back and apologize turned into 27 hours and 48 minutes of misery, spent in non-speaking terms with you.

It sucks. Everything sucks.

That night, he slept in his own bed. The next day, the in denial and emotionally constipated side of him made himself believe that the expensive yet seemingly useless mattress felt responsible for the raging tension in his shoulders and back. Of course it wasn't because of the absence of your messages or the unfamiliarity of his own bed. Of course, it’s the bed’s fault.

Life isn’t what it used to be. The sun didn't shine properly if it didn't come through the window of your room he spent the night in, his usual protein drink tasted like absolute shit because you didn’t make it for him, and not to mention the lack of cuddles before he gets up in the morning— it was bound to be the worst day of his life ever since you happened.

To make things even worse, he’s disassociating in practice, even missing a goal making everyone stop in their tracks. It was an unusual sight, Itoshi Rin doesn’t miss, after all. 

He was acting so gloomy that Bachira even pointed out how there’s a storm cloud looming over his head. A statement that earned a curt ‘fuck off, bobcut’ from the striker.

Meanwhile, Isagi took a more rational approach of expressing his concern toward his friend’s atypical behavior by taking out his phone and sending you a message.

Isagi: Did something happen between you and Rin? He's being tenfold more insufferable. [1:13 pm] Isagi: Please do something about this. - Chigiri [1:15 pm]

On the receiving end of these messages, you couldn't help but admit to yourself that you felt a peculiar sense of relief, knowing Rin was grappling with the same turmoil after he left.

You'd had your share of arguments before—petty disagreements that were easier to fix due to forced proximity. It was simpler when you were obligated to walk together on the way home from school; otherwise, he would stand in the same spot outside your classroom if you decided to be petty and ignore him. Annoyed but still caring, he insisted on confirming you got home safely, reasoning that your houses were next to each other.

Rin was still hard-headed, much like all these years. A testament to this was his silence over the past 24 hours.

Reading Isagi’s text messages once more, you let out a sigh and made up your mind – you will force him to fix things with you. You will express your displeasure at his abrupt departure, insist he not repeat it if he wants to do this right with you, and convey that it should always be the two of you against any problem.

It might be a blow to your pride to give in first, but it is what the two of you needed. It is what he needed. 

It just happened that you loved that man enough to provide what he needed, despite all flaws.

A day of missing you must have driven him to hallucinate, Rin concludes. You, perched on his couch, delicately peeling oranges and chuckling at a whimsical show on the screen, are just a hallucination.

“You’re home.”

And would you look at that, hallucinations even speak.

From your vantage point, Rin looks like he's seen a ghost greeting him with his unblinking teal orbs and brows slightly arching upwards. You notice the subtle tightening of his grip on the strap of his gym bag as he takes measured steps towards you, as though cautiously approaching a dream he fears might dissipate.

“Rin?” you whisper in confusion. It was meek, barely a whisper of his name, yet it was all that he needed to close the gap between you in mere seconds.

You gape at him from how determined his strides were. Surprise is instantly replaced by warmth as your lover basically throws himself over you for a well-sought embrace the moment you're within his arms’ reach.

You’re real, and you’re here.

And he can’t even begin to tell you how much tension finally left his body with that realization.

“I thought…” he trails off, burying his face in the crook of your neck. 

As shallow as one might say, each passing hour of being away from you has fully convinced Rin that it might have been the end to what the two of you had.

“I’m sorry.”

“Me too,” you whisper softly in his ear, your fingers finding solace in the familiar texture of Rin’s hair, tenderly tracing paths down to his nape. Rin responds with a gentle kiss along the side of your neck, a silent affirmation of his gratitude for the comforting gesture.

Unspoken sentiments hang in the air, but neither of you feels the need to verbalize them just yet. The minutes stretch, and you both savor each other’s warmth that has been sorely missed.

As minutes gracefully slipped away, you initiated the release from his embrace, much to his chagrin. Rin openly displayed his disapproval by gently yet firmly wrapping his arms around you. But you were resolute in your purpose and slightly pushed him back.

“Have you eaten?” you ask, holding his face to look at you.

“No.”

“I’ll make you some food, then. Stay here.”

Before your intentions could take you to the kitchen, Rin pulled you back making you fall back to his lap. “don’t want you to go,” he confessed.

“But dinner–”

“No.”

“No? You don’t want to eat?”

“No,” he firmly replied, “Later. I want to hold you first.”

You didn’t respond to Rin, and just took it upon yourself to make yourself more accessible for him to hold by facing him while still seated in his lap. The shift in position sent a shiver of anticipation through both of you, and Rin, consumed by the moment, reveled in the exquisite sensation of your body pressed closely against his.

Slowly, his fingers reached the side of your jaw, tracing and guiding you closer to meet him halfway. With closed eyes, you felt his lips approaching, delicately and purposefully, until his lips were a breath away from yours. The distance between your lips diminished as Rin closed in, capturing your mouth in a sweet, lingering surrender. 

Rin’s strong hands explored every inch of you it could reach. You felt his touch on your neck, shoulders, down to your thighs. The teasing fingers paid extra attention to your waist, their grip subtly teasing the hem of your shirt. You melt into him more when you feel said teasing hands slide inside.

He was everywhere— your mind, your body, your very soul. Rin had them well occupied with all of him.

A soft gasp escapes you when he nips the familiar spot on your neck just below your ear, each kiss that follows tracing a path to your collarbones. Another gasp, louder this time, as Rin gently sucked the skin beneath your collarbones, mending the sweet sting with his feather-light kisses.

It was getting harder to think when a feeling of desire ran from your chest down toward your inner thigh from how impossibly hot Rin’s lips were consuming you.

And just when you thought he had had enough of you, Rin’s hand once again cradled your jaw, guiding your gaze to meet his. Shivers danced down your spine as you absorbed the sight of his half-lidded, glossy teal eyes.

“I need you, baby,” he breathed, “please.”

It seemed as though there was a lot to make up for in the past twenty-four hours that he couldn't hold you.

You stirred from your sleep to the sensation of lingering kisses scattered from your forehead down to your jaw.

Blinking away the remnants of sleep, you found your lover gazing at you with those bright and free teal eyes, and you swore you never had a better way to start the day than this.

A smile graced your lips as you prepared to reciprocate the affection, intending to reach for him and plant a kiss on his jaw. However, your gesture was momentarily halted by his unexpected outburst.

“I love you.”

Professing to you used to terrify Rin – it used to knock all the air from his lungs and make the room seem so small. Now, with a few years ahead to gather enough backbone to escape the misery of pining, professing to you— loving you, felt as easy and natural as breathing.

And he hoped, with every beat of his heart against yours, that he would be breathing just fine in the many years to come.

“I love you,” he tells you again. Just for good measure, to ensure you heard him right, and just to make sure you know he does love you.

You heard him well. His words were clear enough, and the rapid beating of his heart against yours was loud enough to attest.

“Say it back, please,” he pleaded against the soft skin of your neck.

“I love you, Rin.”

“Still?”

“Still.”

He offered no verbal response, but a palpable sigh of relief emanated from him. For a man of few words, he sure does need a lot to feel better.

His warm breath lingered on your skin as a brief silence enveloped you both. Then, with a deliberate yet gentle gesture, he gathered both your arms, placing them above his shoulders, and pulled you closer by your thigh, guiding it above his own.

He loved holding you this way. He wasn’t a big believer, but he wondered if this, right here, was the closest he would ever come to heaven.

“But we have to unlearn those bad habits, Rin,” you asserted, your voice carrying a firm resolve, “No more leaving. We will sit through it, and we will talk, baby.”

Rin’s arms around your waist tightened, as if silently acknowledging your words. You knew he was listening— Rin could be hard headed and all, but he always listened. To you, and only you, that is. 

Minutes passed in silent communion, the world outside fading away as you and Rin held each other. Eventually, drowsiness began to cast its gentle veil over your senses. You couldn't tell if Rin had fallen asleep because his face was buried in the curve of your neck, hiding away in your scent. Yet, the soft and steady rhythm of his breath made you think so.

As you closed your eyes, allowing the realm of dreams to envelop you, Rin’s voice, muffled and quiet, broke the silence.

“Are we going to be fine?”

Barely audible, his question carried a hint of hesitation. And perhaps, if you listen a little closer, you could almost hear the 11-year-old Rin behind his lucid words.

Lucky for him, you had known that little boy throughout your life, enough to love him just as he needed, despite all flaws.

“We will be.”

note. hi, my life ain't life-ing lately soooo here !! i hope all of you are fine and having a blast. but if you aren’t, i’m sending you all of my love. we’ll have better days ahead, trust 🤞🏻

[myun-saidthoughts]

Reasons Why Water House Synastry Is Karmic and Intense:

In this post, I want to address some reasons why water house (4th, 8th, and 12th) synastry can be very intense, very transformational and why it creates/increases codependency.

(the basis of this thread is the fact that there is attraction and desire within the romantic connection, and the depth of feeling will run more true if you share multiple other intense synastry aspects/past life connections. Friendships/family relations that have heavy 8th/12th house synastry overlays manifest *very* differently)

Each water house has one common factor, and that's with these type of synastry overlays; you will feel seen or accepted. In some way, some form, the severity of it depends (as usual), but

if you struggle with:

4TH House:

Showing your true character to others without the fear of being judged.

Sharing your inner thoughts to others with ease and safeness.

The fact that you never felt/had a safe home, so now you long for that feeling (of being at ease/comfortable with someones presence).

Feeling ease and comfortability within your environment or within yourself, instead you experienced that those feelings came at a cost.

Feeling secure when you're meeting others/being open to others.

Stating your inner thoughts or feelings outwardly and confidently.

Trusting others.

8TH House: If you struggle with:

Self acceptance.

Self worth.

Self love.

Self confidence.

Accepting/receiving love.

Having low respect for yourself (meaning how others treat you may be hurtful but because of lack of validation within, you allow or accept that behavior).

Having a pattern where the way others treat you either gives or takes away validation your inner wounds need.

Deeply craving emotional closeness yet fearing it at the same time.

Allowing yourself to desire love.

The fact you're emotionally unavailable; so you're unsure with how to deal with romance, and yet a part of you still deeply desires a partner.

These also may resonate if you have 8H Placements, Pluto aspecting inner planets/Scorpio placements.

12TH House: If you struggle with:

Emotionally availability/allowing someone to see you, all of you.

Receiving tangible, stable, harmonious, love.

Having a habit to/find it easier to fix or save someone in hopes of changing their self destructive habits or mental health issues. This type of tendency creates an avoidance within yourself especially if you don't focus on your own needs or problems. (it's easier to focus on someone else's pain rather than your own)

Feeling safe with the idea of not being needed, instead you choose to be the giver or other woman since it subconsciously keeps you at a distance of being openly loved (which is something you subconsciously fear)

Holding the deep desire to feel seen past the physical 3D.

Allowing yourself to receive the type of love you're able to give/shower another.

Wanting to fix or heal someone's mental health wounds or problems, you find it safer to be their savior rather than have a true give and take partnership.

(These also may resonate if you have 12H, Neptune aspecting inner planets/Pisces placements)

These are a few examples of how intense these synastry overlays may manifest if you are struggling with the above statements. I briefly mentioned a few indicators, needless to say they are more and each synastry chart or even natal chart will always paint the picture better of how deep these relationships can manifest.

then 4th, 8th, and 12th house synastry will cause internal shift within, whether you want it to or not.

4th House: With the 4th house and when someone walks into your life and they ignite your IC, the part of your character that you readily hide becomes unlocked. If you personally have struggled with being comfortable in your skin, or have struggled with feeling secure with who you are as you are, then this person to you will feel like a comfort blanket. Their presence will shift you into a mood where all you feel is safe, present, and in the moment. With them, you will feel complete in showcasing your inner world and your inner thoughts. Their presence will become this key that you didn't even knew you need. It'll feel easy with them, and there is no hesitation, confusion or worry. You can't feel worry, and it's not because they insistently tell you not to feel anxious, you just naturally won't. You guys will likely share the same humor or communication style, and if there is a Venus conjunct IC then the IC person will feel this romantic pull with showcasing their personality outwardly that they won't be able to shake towards the Venus person. Overall these feelings are especially true if you struggle with letting someone in, if it takes some time for you to allow someone else to see your personality or thoughts, then they will feel like a cure for allowing to let that side of you out and when you're next to them; you'll feel like you're finally home.

Example: you walk into a bar and they make eye contact with you, you instantly smile, they instantly smile, and the conversation that ignites feels as if you just spoke to them. It could be weeks, months even since you last saw them but the comfortability between the two of you oozes out in a way where it feels like they just came back home to you. (especially if you share heavy 3H synastry overlays as well or if their mercury softly aspects your inner planets, vice versa)

The reason why this type of connection can be hard to let go of is because their presence might cause or create a codependent need in you for them in order to feel "safe." All their presence is doing is igniting the secure feeling in you that you wish you had, you finally can look into another's eyes and feel that type of comfortability you've always been scared enough to unlock or accept. Your private thoughts and characteristics feel safe next to them, and because of that, they create this security within you won't know how to let go of. So, all they are doing is unleashing your wish of being your truest self without fearing the consequences of being seen for who you are.

In some cases, 4th house synastry may not run as intense, and some say it can be 'mundane' or boring, especially if you don't struggle with the listed wounds I stated, or if you don't share other intense or cute attraction synastry aspects with them; but in essence this individual will feel like a grounding force.

The bond you can form with them is tangible, it's secure, and it feels real. So, letting them go will feel as though you're letting go the one desire of ever revealing your private inner self with ease, especially if this is a part of you that you've been too afraid to openly show or even accept.

Songs That Relate

Look After You - The Fray

Chasing Cars - Snow Patrol

Control - Zoe Wees

Hey Stranger - Billie Flynn

8th House: With the 8th house, these type of connections are more intense, and naturally so. With this type of synastry, and if you struggle with self acceptance especially with self love or self worth, then letting go of this connection will feel near to impossible. It will feel like life or death if they walk away from you, and it will feel like a part of you dies every time they don't give you the reassurance or acknowledgment your soul wishes for. Their eyes alone, tell you it's time to let that wall down and without effort your wall crumbles. You know that if they leave, a part of you will leave with them but if your wound of wishing to be accepted runs so deep within, you can't help but take that risk. You're aware that the unavoidable low following their absence will cut deep, yet instead of walking away, you prepare yourself for its inevitable arrival.

You allow that pain to embody you because that pain hurts less than not feeling those moments of acceptance that they are able to give you, especially if it's what you've always reluctantly wished for.

With their presence that void of wanting emotional closeness that you've always longed for will feel like it has vanished, their eyes alleviate the long-ignored half-empty feeling, and so the part of you that wishes to been seen, the part of you that wishes to feel accepted, the part of you that wants to be vulnerable won't know how to let go.

You could run into them and it could be weeks, months even and if you still struggle with loving yourself in the way you wish they would, their presence will create this upheaval that will shake within you, this synastry holds cycles, loops, ups and down to the point of where if you don't hate them, a part of you will still want them.

This synastry creates a dynamic where this soul that entered your life is only igniting the parts of you that you, yourself don't accept, love or acknowledge. Their presence becomes this band-aid that somehow soothes the deepest parts of you that have been abandoned, and their presence soothes the part of you that you yourself believe you can't heal. This fear then creates a scarcity mindset that can cause you to become someone you're not, and even if you logically know what is objectively best to do in situations to not create more intensity within the connection; there's just a part of you that can't care.

The reason why this type of connection can be hard to let go of is because their presence might cause or create a codependent need in you to have them in order to feel "seen." Their presence gives you a sense of acceptance where you allow yourself to accept love in. If you struggle with emotional abandonment, or fear love, then their presence will feel like a "skip the line" pass with inner healing the parts of you that feel broken.

The reason why 8th house synastry is discussed so promptly and openly is because these feelings that persist (when dealing with inner wounds) become such catalysts of growth and ego deaths; but that is only because this connection allows in the hope for love you've been wishing for all your life. You want to be held, you want to be cared for and loved in a way that you've never received, and this person presences grants that sole wish. They bring you that one solace feeling that you've never felt and because of that, letting them go is letting go the one key that makes you feel worthy, seen, and accepted.

Their presence creates this codependent need within because they become this one "thing" that you think you need in order to fulfill that self love wound you keep repressing. You'll start to rely on them for emotional clarity or serenity, you'll start to "need them" in order to feel good, and you'll expect them to make you feel "better" emotionally and if they fail to meet those expectations, all you'd be faced with is the unwavering feeling of the lack of self love or worth you're too afraid to self develop.

The love you're so readily able to give them, is what your soul is asking you to give yourself.

*Those who have prominent natal Scorpio or 8th house placements as well as having Pluto aspecting harshly their inner planets or ascendant will feel these trials and errors more*

Songs That Relate:

Locksmith/You Don't - Sadie Jean

Addicted - Kelly Clarkson

Im Yours/Heartbeat - Isabel LaRose

Just a Little Bit of Your Heart - Ariana Grand

Heavenly - Cigarettes After Sex

Is There Somewhere - Halsey

12th house:

This post focuses exclusively on a 12th house relationship between two kind and evolved individuals. While there are other darker themes associated with 12th house synastry — such as deception, substance abuse, hidden affairs (like being the other woman or mistress), lies about one partner’s true nature, or fear that one partner is withholding information or their true self — I won’t be discussing those here. I might explore those themes in a future post, as they are important to note, but for now, my main focus will not include those themes.

“Though I barely know you, it feels as if I do. Your eyes and body language seem to speak your thoughts, even the ones I can’t fully grasp. There’s no visible thread connecting us, yet this feeling remains.” — Planet Person

With the 12th house, this synastry unlocks so many different routes and experiences. Many factors influence how each individual can feel towards this ethereal connection. One way this synastry can manifest is through the tendency for the 12th house to cloud, confuse, and bring hesitancy into the connection. In some cases, Person A (or the person who has heavy Neptune/Pisces/12th house placements) will feel as though they can read Person B in such a deep and subconscious way; this type of knowing may even be hidden from Person B to the extent that they are unaware of their own subconscious emotional needs, thoughts or feelings, and yet (especially if there's care or desire on their end) Person A can read Person B like a book. 12th house synastry can be so thought provoking because of the absolute depth and surreal feeling it can add into the connection. The planet person (or the person who has heavy Neptune/Pisces/12th house placements) will feel this innate drive to be with the house person (or the other partner who isn't as spiritual adept). It's as if one partner, driven by an innate need to give endlessly, is profusely tossing their sole bucket of water into the vast ocean of the other partner's needs. The giver (or the person who has heavy Neptune/Pisces/12th house placements) is so focused on giving that they overlook the importance of receiving, while the receiver remains oblivious.

If Person B remains unaware of the deep spiritual bond between them that can manifest, they may perceive Person A's actions as invasive or unnecessary. Person A, recognizing wounds in Person B that Person B may not be aware of can evoke a sense of fear in Person B, this has to deal with the issue of them not allowing or accepting a form of love that they believe (Person B) doesn't serve them.

If this scenario resonates with you, then this individual is provoking a wound within yourself that deals with the acceptance of receiving authentic love. This innate need to only give highlights your own fear of receiving real reciprocal, stable, tangible love.

In this scenario where one party wants to save, fix, heal or give, highlights that fearful nature within you where you allow to stay in shallow waters. You subconsciously know that you have such passionate love to give, but that thought of giving to someone who in turn might be willing to give back evokes fear and uncertainty within you.

This subconscious block holds more comfortability within you since it allows you to never accept a love where your soul will fully be fulfilled. It's self sabotaging and self written, you naturally already know how the story will end between you two, and so you subconsciously will find a character who perfectly embodies the story you yourself say you try to run from.

On the other hand this synastry (when desired and when it's dealing with highly evolved individuals) can unlock such deep soulfulness between both partners. Between the two parties, it'll feel as if they have found someone that can finally understand them better than anyone ever has, it'll feel dreamy and mystical. It'll feel as if their body language writes stories that you could only read.

In a pure sense, one partner that desires the other very deeply and whole heartedly wants to make sure that their partner is seen, and understood. And this comes from a very sincere place and if the other receiving partner allows that kind of love in while being okay with giving that same love back, that is when this type of connection can be ideal.

Now in this scenario, this type of codependent nature deals with over emphasizing redemption with no boundaries. If there is solid exchangeable love, a part of you may believe there is always more good than bad within them or within the relationship, and so their wrongdoings or unacceptable behavior to you or to others somehow receives justification or more understanding than he or she should receive. (especially if you also share 8th house synastry with them). As well as it's important to understand that if there is this innate understanding given by one partner that's always present when there shouldn't be, that's when the relationship can become overwhelming, or draining. Just because you know, understand or empathize with the other partner's actions or patterns doesn't make their actions okay.

This type of dynamic receives interchanging parts, with the 12th house things can lack a solid foundation and have a lack crystal clear communication, some days you both won't deal with struggling dynamics, then one day Partner 1 acts out, to which Partner 2 cuirasses and holds, then a few weeks later Partner 2 acts out and Partner 1 comes to their aid.

Truly the amount of stories, experiences, how Person 1 will feel vs Person 2 is genuinely so intercomplicated and nuanced. Each story lies within the two parties involved, with this house they are just so many different routes and avenues it can uphold, so this particular post may not cover every ounce of information on 12th house synastry. If you are curious to learn more only about this synastry I have a long updated post titled "Understanding 12th House Synastry" and it's far more in-depth (click the text).

In essence, how the other partner receives this type of boundless understanding calls for them to be a very kind and open individual. It's important to understand and recognize red flags or self undoing patterns. Staying aware of the actual real situation instead of sitting in bed thinking of the "What if's" are key. Their posts may not be about you, that song on their story can be just a song, remember that. Especially if the individual lacks self awareness or care on their end.

Finally, I don't believe water house synastry holds malicious energy or serves as a dictatorship with stating how the relationship will fail. Not every synastry overlay is set for such intense energy or uncomfortable experiences, each planet in a natal chart holds different themes. What truly matters at the end of the day are the two souls involved within the connection. Desire, care, love, and acceptance are all foundational keys for any relationship to last even those with or without water house synastry. Accepting yourself in the purest form when it comes to each water house theme (4,8,12) is key.

Your natal chart when it comes to synastry serves as a mirror within yourself, everything you are feeling for someone else is already sitting within you.

Don't forget that.

[dreamingofthewild]

I might get hate for this hot take, but I will say it anyway because there have been a lot of Mystra defence posts lately. Content warning for religion critical ramblings (I feel like I need to preface this with a disclaimer that I am not an atheist).

Tl;dr - I think people struggle to see how Mystra abused Gale because worship is romanticised to a certain extent in fantasy, especially when it comes to the 'good' aligned gods. Yet his story, like Shadowheart's, is a criticism of transactional faith - specifically where the line lies between devotion and exploitation.

Please note that these are just my opinions from what I have observed from the game, and interesting meta posts from other users on this subject. I don't claim to be an expert on religious practices - or an expert on Gale. I am open to discussion, and my intent is not to invalidate other people's opinions or headcanons.

I just always feel the need to defend Gale when people defend Mystra - as he seems to be the only person in the game that people think is exempt from the 'cycle of abuse' theme.

In my opinion defending Mystra by claiming she "has her reasons" for how she treats Gale is essentially the same as the "God has a plan for everyone" response people use when something bad happens. Similarly, justifying Mystra's demand for Gale to use the Orb as her way of "protecting her domain" closely resembles telling someone they've sinned and the only way to redeem themselves is through sacrifice or death. This reasoning follows the same troubling logic: "God is good, God is great, and whatever God asks is justified because we depend on them."

According to this logic, obedience is mandatory, without question or challenge. That logic places worshippers in a one-down position where obedience trumps consent, curiosity, or self-preservation.

Mystra's relationship with Gale was undeniably exploitative, and we should question rather than blindly accept her motivations. She withheld crucial information about the Orb until he became an actual liability, and even then, only to protect herself. She had alternatives - she could have asked him to retrieve the Crown, and he would have - but instead, she told him to die. If you want proof that she is only caring about herself - and not the fate of Faerun - watch what happens when you allow Gale to use the orb in Act 2. I think giving Mystra the crown at the end of the game proves that Gale was never a threat to her.

Gale’s status as her Chosen was contingent upon his obedience and usefulness, making him little more than a tool for her ambitions. Being a Chosen is nothing more than, ''I will give you these powers in exchange for your service to me''. As a deity, Mystra had no genuine need for mortal companionship or intimacy beyond creating emotional dependency and isolation. Encouraging such profound reliance on her praise that Gale would willingly contemplate suicide is morally reprehensible. Gale's acquisition of the orb was rooted in a desperate attempt to impress Mystra (he mentions that he felt like her attentions were slipping from him i.e. he thought the was doing something wrong) - a pursuit she surely recognised and could have prevented if she had just communicated with him. Yet that would require caring about him, and not just what he can do for her.

She calls his actions selfish, when she never told him the true nature of the orb until it was relevant to her, and didn't acknowledge that he was doing so as an act of devotion. He also spends the whole game actively trying to feed the orb so it doesn't detonate and harm others, which is far from being selfish. Yet many people in the fandom call him manipulative for doing so.

Is Gale really selfish for wanting to impress his Goddess, and then for wanting to live?

Gale wasn’t a real threat; he was an example. A warning. Her message was simple: defy me, and I will turn you into a weapon against yourself. His devotion, cultivated since childhood through Elminster’s influence, was used against him. He was isolated, praised, elevated and made dependent on her approval. His powers came at the cost of servitude.

Defences of Mystra’s behaviour can be unsettling. Gale certainly isn't flawless - he is ambitious, sometimes reckless, and lacks wisdom. But perhaps he was too young and vulnerable to shoulder the responsibilities of being a Chosen. Had he not been isolated through his relationship with Mystra, he might have had peers or mentors capable of offering guidance and restraint. If Elminster hadn't entered his life when Gale was merely eight years old, perhaps Gale wouldn't have developed such intense ambitions in the first place. Gale’s character and choices were deeply influenced by an environment that prizes ambition - an attitude common among wizards in the Dungeons & Dragons universe.

If Gale was born during the spell plague then this makes Gale, who admits that he was summoning rabbits as a babe, even more special and worthy of the attention of Mystra.

Mystra's abuse of Gale does meet grooming patterns where - a powerful adult ''builds trust, meets needs, then slowly sexualises the bond before discarding the victim once usefulness wanes''. She was his mentor before his lover and in a line that was removed from the game he says that when she revealed herself to him 'he couldn't say no'. Once again, we have to question why Elminster sought Gale out and he role - intentional or not - that he had to play in putting Gale on this path. Especially since in the lore he was helping Mystra find new Chosen when she returned - and why would he not recommend Gale. Once again, Gale felt that her attentions were slipping, which is why he wanted to impress her, and he was discarded until he was useful to her again (to get the crown).

This dynamic mirrors real-world religious abuse - particularly when leaders tie love, worth, or salvation to sacrifice, silence, and obedience. People in such systems are often taught that suffering is noble, doubt is betrayal, and punishment is deserved. You can see this is Gale's personality - eager to please, terrified of abandonment, and reluctance to set boundaries.

Gale’s arc in BG3 is partly about breaking free of this cycle. He’s forced to confront the reality that Mystra’s love was never truly unconditional or healthy, and he has to define his own self-worth outside of that toxic relationship. That’s a painfully familiar journey for a lot of people who leave (or are cast out of) controlling religious environments- they have to unlearn self-loathing, reclaim their autonomy, and build meaning from within, not from the approval of a distant authority.

Many players miss this interpretation because Mystra is presented as a good-aligned deity, and Gale is imperfect. I feel like religion and worship is romanticised to an extent, and so the good gods are considered to be good in a way that reflects real world zealotry, and so they assume that Gale must’ve done something to deserve her rejection. Rather than reflecting on the ways that the gods exploit mortals and punish any flaws, or human traits such as curiosity.

Her being on the neutral alignment, and Gale having very human imperfections, doesn’t excuse her actions or make the relationship healthy. It just shows how deeply this kind of manipulation can hide in plain sight when cloaked in authority and framed as divine purpose.

Yet, I don't think that people are ready for this conversation yet. Not only does it criticise real world religion, it criticises how religion is often romanticised in video games. The gods are often humanised, and so we attribute human characteristics to them. It's then so easy to justify their actions, or to even side with them.

This is what I mean when I say that Gale's storyline can't be easily translated to the real world. Gale, unlike Shadowheart and Lae'zel, has a direct relationship with his goddess. Lae'zel and Shadowheart were raised in cults, whereas Gale was not.

Unlike them, we don't see the institution that cultivates the environment he grew up in. Which is wizarding institutions and the very nature of chosen's.

As this is popular in DnD, I think it gets romanticised, and so people can't see the problematic aspects of this system. Thus, they feel the need to defend Mystra.

Translating that to the real world is harder because you would have to make Mystra a mortal, where the story then loses the religious aspect. However, their relationship is still a toxic one, defined by uneven power dynamics and the exploitation of those with talent. By recognising that their relationship is toxic, you are then forced to recognise how abusive their relationship is as a God and a mortal.

I firmly believe that fantasy shows us that if the gods were undeniably real and came in many formats, more people would be religious. I know that what you like in fiction doesn't always equal real-world behaviours. However, sometimes you have to ask yourself why you are quick to defend Mystra if you criticise religion in real life.

I am not saying that you should hate Mystra. After all, it's nice to have a morally dubious female character fulfilling a certain role that's usually dominated by men. But I am saying that you should be critical of her and recognise that she was abusive towards Gale.

Just so you know where the 'Mystra haters' are coming from.

Thank you for coming to my Ted talk.

[felikatze]

THE ISLANDER EUPHRASIE THEORY: THE CRACK HEADCANON THAT RUINED ME FOREVER

HI. you might know me as the kingphie divorce guy. or as the guy who wrote the 6k ludonarrative essay. Today i am going to introduce to YOU @the-bitter-ocean's fantabulous ISLANDER EUPHRASIE THEORY!!!

DISCLAIMER

This post contains SPOILERS for ALL of In Stars and Time. INCLUDING THE ACT 6 SECRET!!

You have been warned.

ALSO!!!!

The original headcanon/theory is VERY MUCH Ocean's fantastic work! I am merely rehashing all the arguments for it that have been laid out across various chats into one cohesive thing people can look at. Also citations! Who doesn't love those.

WHAT IS IT?

Well, it's quite simple. It's the theory that Euphrasie, love of my life and Head Housemaiden of Dormont, is from the forgotten island, same as Siffrin and the King.

(Yes, this is why divorce AU exists.)

WHY DO YOU EVEN BELIEVE THIS?

Quite a lot of reasons, actually.

It's really funny

Let us begin with: the basics.

SUPERFLOUS AESTHETIC DETAIL

HAIR COLOR

This is Euphrasie. She's very pretty. I love her.

You might notice several things about her, like her fantabulous white hair.

Well. What other characters have white hair?

You have guessed correctly. The ONLY OTHER white haired characters with actual artwork are Siffrin and the King, both from The Island The World Forgot. Thus we can assume that it's a typical hair color for islanders. Makes it stand out very much that Euphie also has it.

(What about the beautiful one- sh sh sh he's blonde. He's blonde.) (Well, actually, considering that they are the only one who acknowledges that Vaugardians are also weird, what if he's from the island as well? Checkmate atheists.)

EYELASHES

(EDIT!!!!! FINALLY PUTTING THIS ON THE MAIN POST!!!

Turns out I was incorrect in this. Some characters (Mira, Isa) also have eyelashes on SOME portraits. The mentioned chars r still notable for Always Having Em, + the Loop lashes are like, literally intended as plot twist foreshadowing, but, hey.

That's what you get for writing essays at 1am.

IN RETURN!!! Someone pointed out to me [i forgot who sorry] that Euphrasie's capelet.... has stars on it!! It's speckled like the starry sky!! Now isn't that a neat coinkydink.)

(Original text left up because I respect my past self's artistic vision. And his lunacy.)

Correct. Eyelashes.

Going back to our portrait of Euphie, she is drawn with precisely three eyelashes. Why is this notable? Because Siffrin and Loop are.

So much so, that being drawn with three eyelashes, is specifically an element of foreshadowing to Loop's true identity.

(squints at character portraits) literally no characters besides Siffrin, Loop, and Euphrasie have eyelashes? Oh my god. What? Nobody has eyelashes? What the fuck? (okay, some moments later: Mirabelle has eyelashes in some battle artwork, but these three are the only ones specifically with eyelashes in dialogue portraits, which is still incredibly odd.)

SPEAKING HABITS

(EDIT!!! Another Point that is Kind Of Off, in that other characters [e.g. Odile] also do this occasionally. Again, keeping the text for my creative vision.

In return I get to inform you that the King makes the "not so bright, Bright One" pun TWICE in different loops, thus implying the King likes puns. Take this as you will. That's been my psychic damage, buhbyeeee~)

Hey, so, you know when you talk to people in Dormont, a lot of the NPCS will have a nametag that just says "[something] One" right? Daydreaming One, Castle-Loving One, Beautiful One?

And I've seen people wonder, are these titles? Nicknames?

And I bring you this: Siffrin addresses these people with these epithets in his head, because they have no fucking clue what anyone's name is.

So Siffrin just naturally lapses into this style of nicknaming strangers.

Which two other people also do.

Bright one... ...... Do you remember? Traveling one! Are you done talking with your companions? Yes, wonderful, wonderful!

Funny little tidbit that these three characters all speak alike isn't it :)

Okay. With aesthetics out of the way, let's move onto the next tier of this iceberg:

THE MECHANICS OF FORGETTING AND BEING FORGOTTEN

I realize in the process of writing that we must outline the nature of the curse. What gets forgotten and what gets to stay?

The particularity that's important to us right now is: what people get forgotten?

All evidence points toward this: an entire person is only forgotten if they were physically present on the island when it vanished.

I'm pulling up two example cases to prove it: Siffrin and the Daydreaming One.

The thing with Siffrin is: we know he witnessed the exact moment the island vanished. And, very notably, Siffrin was in a boat.

You can get the dialogue that proves this only in ACT 2 in a secret room most people don't find on their first playthroughs, which is both very funny and very evil. Here's the dialogue.

Siffrin: "I ran away from home once!" [...] Siffrin: "And so I took our boat! Got to the beach, rowed away from the shore a bit. I was going to come back right away, I just wanted to scare my parents a bit!" [...]

Siffrin: "I started to row back towards the shore... And then, I... I... ..." Isabeau: ... Sif? Siffrin: (Woah! What?) "Um, yes?" Isabeau: Um... You were telling us how you ran away from home? Siffrin: "I... was?" Odile: You... Were. Bonnie: DID YOU FORGET WHAT YOU WERE TALKING ABOUT WHILE TALKING ABOUT IT?!?

Siffrin is from the island, but was not physically present when it disappeared. This resulted in Siffrin forgetting their entire identity, including given name and spoken/written language.

Additionally, this is confirmed via Word of God to be the exact moment the island disappeared, so here's proof I'm not reading into it:

Shoutout to bibliomaniac's insane google spreadsheet for the easily searchable screenshot. god bless. Brinny, ily.

On the other hand, with the Daydreaming One, we have proof of a person who is not originally from the island, but was physically on it at the time of disappearance.

Siffrin: "Don't you have a sister?" Daydreaming One: I... I don't? I just said I'm an only child, silly!

(For her to forget someone like her sister, so easily... Her sister must've traveled to...)

Secondly, we know that remnants of the island were not completely forgotten immediately.

Memory faded gradually, starting with the ability to still speak and think about it with accompanying headaches, until it ramped up in intensity and everything is simply gone.

The Sparkling Diary in the library is more or less proof. Memory of the island was gone, but... people still remembered that they forgot something. People still knew what they were talking about, (an island north of Vaugarde), just without the specifics.

"Urgh. Also, Dad noticed no one can say the name of the island north of here anymore?" "I tried to say it yesterday and I got like the WEIRDEST headache for HOURS."

And Odile also remarks the following

Odile: We also know that people could remember that country clearly, before.

This will be relevant later. Moving on.

CONTRIVANCES

THE HOUSE'S OBSERVATORY

SO. The House of Change of Dormont has this funny little room on the third floor. It's an observatory. To look at stars with. When entering this room for the first time, Mirabelle says this:

Mirabelle: What...? Was there a room like this in the House? Y-yeah, I remember! Someone was working here... Studying... They looked like... ... Um... Sorry, I can't remember.

This reveals to us several things:

This room is innate to the House, and not brought here by the King's weird redecorating

Someone from the House was using it for study

All memory of who or what was studying and being studied was erased alongside the island's existence

Of course we can say, "yo, what if Euphrasie was using this room and just forgot?" but that is. a headcanon. I ADMIT! It is a stipulation

However, I find the general presence of the Island written all over the House incredibly interesting.

Inside the Observatory, there's a pile of papers with messy handwriting. You can't read these in until ACT 4. Even in ACT 4, you can't read them. But you do learn what's written on them.

(A pile of papers.) (It looks like someone was trying to write your country's name.)

Inside the observatory is also a globe. Upon repeated interaction in... act 4, i think, you get this:

(You see a spot on the globe where the paint has started wearing out, like someone kept dragging their finger on it.) (You drag your finger there too.) (Erased. You almost want to look for lightless paint.)

BOOKS

During the various quests to discover the truth of the loops, you run into a lot of books, written in the forgotten language. Now, Dormont is not close to the island. Dormont is not close to the coast.

Bambouche is. That's why Bonnie has heard about the island before and knows it was a big deal - they lived really close to it.

Bonnie (and then1): I think, I think my village was really close to it!!! My sister said it was all everyone could talk about for weeks!!! Mirabelle (anxious1): That's so frightening... I'm glad that whatever happened, she didn't get caught up in it!

As we can see in this map, Dormont is in the southern half of the country, and very centrally at that, meaning it has basically maximum distance from all waters and ports. So why does this landlocked small town have so many books in this language?

These aren't just dry books, either. In Dormont's library, there's actually a translated version of volume 2 of The Cursing of Chateau Castle.

(You take the book out again.) (You can read its title, now...) (Your heart is beating, badump, badump, badump.) (It's...) (... A translated copy of "The Cursing of Château Castle", issue #2.) (You start laughing.)

CONCLUSION OF THIS SECTION

Islanders lived in Dormont. Maybe even multiple! We've established that whoever is in Dormont when it vanished would not simply disapper, instead

they forgot where they're from.

One day, the islanders in Dormont could no longer remember being anywhere but Dormont. Being anything but Vaugardian. The observatory fell into disuse, as the person studying there gradually forgot what they used it for, even as they desparately tried to hold onto it, boring holes into the globe, and scribbling its name over and over until its unintelligible.

And, in all likelihood, eventually that knowledge was just gone forever. They simply became part of Dormont, none the wiser to their own history.

Books slipped into cracks. Rooms fell into disuse. Nobody remembered to clean out the remnants.

Now. The real cinch of this.

Why, in particular, do I think Euphrasie is one of them?

Answer me this, then.

How does Euphie know what Wish Craft is?

1. How could she read it?

Euphrasie knew specifically that Wish Craft exists, when all books on it are written in a language nobody can read.

The book in the storage room? The diary in the room behind the star door? The book in the secret library? None of them are legible.

There are no legible records of Wish Craft.

2. What about the Favor Tree?

Euphrasie knew specifically that Wish Craft is related to the Favor Tree. It's also a Vaugardian practice to make requests of the Favor Tree, but they're just that - requests. Nobody thinks they actually have power.

Only Euphrasie does. She thinks it's the key to defeating the King.

(This is... A list of people who wished to save Vaugarde!!!) (You look around her desk, trying to find out more.) (Why would she record the people who wished to save Vaugarde?) (... There!!!) (It's a little notebook, jammed between random boring paperwork...) (In it, the Head Housemaiden talks about Wish Craft... How in the days before the King attacked, she noticed everyone was wishing to the Favor Tree for the same thing:) (To save Vaugarde.) (And she started wondering if this wish could be the key to the King's defeat, somehow...) (So the Head Housemaiden knew about Wish Craft!!!)

Except, when Isabeau talks about it...

Isabeau: Well, it's just a random big tree. But when you're a believer of the House of Change, the biggest tree in a certain place is called a Favor Tree! It's like, it’s the tree with the most power, so you can ask it things? As a favor?

He struggles a little to explain it. Almost, as though the tradition came from some other culture, imported into Vaugarde, and no one can definetely remember where it came from.

To note, here, is that the Favor Tree is hugely associated with Loop, and wishes in general. Wishing on a Favor Tree is such a hugely powerful ritual when executed correctly, that it caused the entire timeloops.

And I'm not even gonna break out citations to prove that Wish Craft is associated with the island. Come on. You know that. You played the game. It's required to beat the game.

If you haven't beaten the game, what the fuck are you doing here. Go back and play it, baka.

3. Something's breaking, failing, rotting

At the end of ACT 4, when Siffrin confronts Euphrasie about her knowledge of Wish Craft, Euphrasie is distinctly aware of this: the people of Vaugarde are wishing wrong.

It's true. All of Vaugarde wished to the Favor Tree, wished for us to be saved. We wished for a savior. A way for us to win against the King. And Wish Craft gave us the means to do it, didn't it? Made sure it'd work? [...] But... But something went wrong, didn't it? Something goes wrong, every time!!! [...] The only answer I can find... Is it's because we did it wrong. I don't know what happened But we must've done it wrong!!! None of us in Vaugarde knew the exact ritual, but-- But we must have done it so wrong, it broke, and it doesn't answer to us at all anymore!!! [...] I don't know, I don't know, I don't know!!!

There's only one person who knew how to make a Wish correctly. And he made it by sheer instinct. Something they could not place even if they tried. Just... a forgotten ritual, dredged back up by muscle memory. Something he's probably been doing since he's a little kid, something that's so backed into their habits they use Wish Craft to carve figurines out of wood.

To end, I leave you with this. Dialogue you get when you try to talk to Euphrasie again, before you talked to everybody else.

If you talk to me... REALLY talk to me... It's all over. What "it" is, I have no idea... I know... I can feel that... I couldn't change whatever comes next, even if I wanted to. But I know it is the will of the Change God. Or, no, perhaps... The will of something even bigger... ... Something will end, once you talk to me.

There is a way for Euphrasie to know all of this. To know Wish Craft exists, to be aware she's doing it wrong, but not knowing, remembering quite enough to get it right.

If she knew it all beforehand already.

[bucca2]

okay not to wax poetic about a minor side character in Skyrim that annoys the fuck out of most people, but it really does sadden me that most people are like “he’s annoying, kill him!” and then do no self reflection on the fact that they only killed him because of a petty personal gripe and because they were sent to do so by a power tripping traitor who LATER ALSO TRIES TO KILL THE LISTENER THEMSELVES.

For a long time I’ve had Thoughts™ on the phenomenon of Gamers (derogatory) who treat any NPC who is even slightly an inconvenience with disproportionate and often violent vitriol, but this post is already getting long. General musings on the tragedy of Cicero’s character and how it’s objectively the wrong choice to kill him below.

Thanks to my partner @wrenanigans I’ve had reason to re-examine Cicero’s character, and his past just makes me so deeply sad. Of course, his journals only cover DB-related events, so maybe he had a personal life he just didn’t write about, but it kind of struck both of us that he feels the loss of his fellow DB members so keenly and yet never really mentions any personal relationships outside of obligation to his fellow assassins. (i.e no family or lovers pre-insanity when he was a normal, extremely capable man) Like of course he went insane. The organization that was his entire life’s purpose not only promoted him to a position where he could no longer do what he joined them to do, but then he watched the organization dissolve around him and all his friends be slaughtered.

Then he was alone with the Night Mother waiting for her to talk to someone and give him direction for eight fucking years!!! Of course he went completely off the deep end! If I was isolated, paranoid (but is it paranoia if they’re actually out to get you?) and constantly on survival mode for that long, I’d be relieved if being a little quirky and doing little dances was the extent of my deviant behavior! (The murder comes with being in the Dark Brotherhood, so I don’t wanna hear any whining about him being stabby. Murder isn’t OK if the Dragonborn does it, but suddenly immoral if people you don’t like do it. In video games.)

I think for most people who don’t put much thought into Cicero and his actions, they just vaguely think “oh, Cicero betrayed the family and tried to kill Astrid, so killing him is justified irrespective of her later betraying us”, which is simply not true. There’s a very interesting post I saw floating around lately about how you can’t treat religion in fantasy worlds like TES the same way you would with religious groups IRL, because in TES there is tangible proof that gods exist, and they can and will fuck with the mortal world for their own whims. The point of the DB quest line is that the Tenets matter, and straying from them and the Night Mother almost snuffed the DB out for good. The narrative of the game explicitly justifies Cicero’s actions and QUITE LITERALLY tells you that killing Cicero is not the right call.

TES has a lot of creative interactivity with picking your own outcomes and going with your own solutions, but quests don’t usually end with “go kill this guy. but you can also spare him… ;)” They usually don’t give you an old wise dude whose spirit you can summon who tells you not to kill that clown. And then if you spare Cicero, he comes back and is a potential companion. Like…I don’t know how much more obvious it can get that you’re not supposed to kill Cicero. I get for most people it’s not that deep, but this is TES. We talk about lore here.

[kanmom51]

Missing Jikook today

Not that I don't miss them every single day, but just saying...

@wonsummernight Miss your edits!!!!!! I know there isn't any new Jikook content just yet, but if there was a time we were in dire need for some heart wrenching Jikook edits, this is it!!!

Basically, this is me telling you "PLEASE COME BACK". 💜💜

So, I came today to cry a little, you know commiserating together with others takes the edge off a bit (note to self: keep telling yourself that, and you might start believing it too...), but also to remind y'all that SM is crap, a viper pit, a cec pool, where all the miserably unhappy ignorant assholes tend to flock to (this is about the assholes that have turned sm into such a place), either to create drama that will get them some much needed attention they aren't getting elsewhere, or to create a parallel universe where their dreams and wants come true, even if they have zero standing in reality. Oh, and I forgot those that are there to make some hard cash, by all means.

And why am I mentioning all of this, you may ask?

Well, because for some reason my hopes and dreams for a fandom cleanse are being shattered as we speak.

As you may already know, I've taken a step back lately. mainly distancing myself from SM, as it's been going downhill for ages now, but has become an even uglier place to visit in the past few months, I'd say ever since it's been known that JK and JM are enlisting TOGETHER and will be serving TOGETHER, basically being in each other's close vicinity 24/7 for 18 months (even if not sharing exact same duties within the unit) and spending off time together . And to clarify once again: Same unit, same posting (base), different duties within the unit.

You'd think that 3 months in, and after the initial shock, reality and truth would set in (even with the most delusional) that these two young men CHOSE to enlist together (free choice and steps taken by both of them to achieve this). And once again me reminding they are the only ones in the group to decide they want to do this and the only idols to ever do so.

But no. Who am I kidding? Probably wishful thinking on my part. You know, that these people will either wake up, smell the roses and just cope with reality, or plain and simply piss off (that's probably me being delusional at this point).

Point being, it's gotten even worse. Like who would have believed that would happen? Yeah, probably should have seen it coming though. When you have cult behavior, when you have those that profit off it (monetarily or otherwise), I should have known it would go this way. The need to dive even deeper into the filth of this earth, to create even dumber narratives, to, of course, spew even more hate towards either of them (depending what delusional team you are on).

Should have seen it all coming.

Sadly, instead of just leaving, tail between their legs, they are doubling down on their utterly delusional beliefs regarding these young men. Not without pain, I may add. Pain, that a small part of me, someone that tries very hard to be nice and good and positive, is now relishing (I lie... not that mall of a part after all). Their twists and turns, their made up shit to compensate for whatever shit JK, JM or Tae are throwing their way... kind of priceless. I mean, if they aren't going anywhere, should we not at least enjoy their demise?

Does that make me a bad person?

Honestly, I don't think so.

And Jikook being away from most of this, lighting the fire and walking away leaving their haters behind to burn, was a nice touch.

Now we just sit here silently wait for our little travel show...

💜💜

[a-seeker-of-knowledge]

“…Uh.. Hello there. Nice to make your acquaintance.”

Hello hello hello!!! Welcome to my (now second) Shadow milk Cookie RP Blog!!! (Main one is @the-light-of-deceit)

You may be asking, “what’s this? This doesn’t look much like shadow milk cookie.” To which I SAY— yeah no it doesn’t. But there’s a reason for that!!!

You see, I have a passion for making AU’S of my current hyperfixations!!! And, well, shadow milk cookie is one of them!!! I was listening to a song and thought.. Hey! What if I make another au of shadow milk cookie and turn it into a blog to help flesh out the story and personality?

The basic plot of this au is it’s inspired off spinel from Steven universe! Shadow Milk Cookie is blasted with a spell in the final fight with Pure Vanilla Cookie, and in doing so is reset back to his past self, The Fount Of Knowledge, with no recollection of anything that happened, no clue who these random cookies are, and confused on what happened to his colleagues, aka the rest of the beast cookies! Now it’s basically everyone trying to help him with his memories while also.. not.. letting him relapse into Shadow Milk lmfao

A few kinda important facts about the au!!!

-Shadow Milk does have a canonical past name here, however Seeker can’t remember it, so until it’s revealed you can call him Seeker, Fount, or any other possible name for past shadow milk in hopes you’ll help him remember!!!

-Seeker is currently traveling with the main group in hopes of reforming him entirely, which his minions are not taking very kindly to. They are apart of this story.

-Wizard cookie believes it’s an act because of how deceitful Shadow Milk is, however Pure Vanilla KNOWS it’s true…mainly because since they share the same souljam he’s forgotten a few things too. Just not as much as Seeker, considering he wasn’t the one blasted with that spell.

Now, onto the rules and characters you can ask!!! (…the rules are mainly just copy and pasted from my other blog BUT THERE ARE A FEW DIFFERENT ONES!!!) (rules under the cut!!!)

-While I do ship things I won't be using many, if any ships for this blog. (One of the few I will use though is Blackbell/Silversapphire! However it might not be brought up much.) As much as I love ships I don't want there to be a whole bunch of ship wars going on. I will think on it though! Who knows, maybe I’ll add ships eventually!

-While this goober is an adult I am not, so please no suggestive stuff! Suggestive jokes are fine (refer to the light of deceit for an example of some, might be able to find it) but nothing too over the top.

-PLEASE interact if you have a cookie run blog of your own!! Not really a rule, but I LOVE interacting with fellow accounts!!! No matter if it's other versions of shadow milk (AU'S are allowed too!!! In fact PLEASE mention your AU'S if you want I love making and reading AU's so much), an OC, or just any other cookie from the game, l'd love to interact with ya!!!

-Don't be afraid to message me!!! I'll respond normally, and while I may be socially awkward at times I don't bite!!! In fact, sometimes I’ll message you first!!! I love meeting y’all :3

-Please don't spam links or videos. If you're showing SMC something that's fine, but it's seriously annoying (speaking from other roleplay accounts) being spammed with brainrot songs and all sorts of other things. I will not answer if you do.

-Like the one above, please don't spam small asks or words. Example: "egg" over and over again. It may seem funny, but it's really not. I might answer one or two, or I may not. Please just don't.

-If you want my main blog please ask privately!! I don't want to share my main blog at the moment, though this may change in the future. However, considering I’m thinking of doing little doodles here once in a blue moon… if you know my main blog (which you prolly don’t it’s pretty small 😭) then you might know who I am, my artstyle will not change no matter how much I want it to T-T

-Please don't bother me or get upset if I don't post much. This is a side thing that's supposed to be fun for me, so I'll be coming back to it at random.

-Keep in mind this is an AU, so some things will change. Will try to be close to canon though!

Aaaand that's really it for rules!!! Now onto characters you can ask and their indicators!!!

Seeker Of Knowledge/Fount Of Knowledge/Shadow Milk : “Example Text” -♧

Pure Vanilla : “Example Text” -♧ (he does have the same sign off as Seeker but that’s just because they share a souljam. His is orange, Seeker’s is blue.)

Black Sapphire : “Example Text” -♢

Candy Apple : “Example Text” -♡

You can also ask the main trio things!!! (They don’t have sign offs)

Gingerbrave : “Example Text”

Strawberry Cookie : “Example Text”

Wizard Cookie : “Example Text”

That should be it! Hope you enjoy the blog!!!

[pleasantspark]

Fujioshi's Are Not Welcomed In The LGBTQ+ Community

I am kicking out and facilitating this once more, I don't give a fuck if people call me homophobic but this shit's got to fucking stop.

Fujoshi's are NOT welcomed in the LGBTQ+ I am not letting you all infiltrate our community and I am calling out them specifically. The reasoning for why this community is hated is because you guys constantly sexualize and infantilize our community for sexual pleasure.

I've noticed half of them identify as within the community which is NOT true, most of them use the bisexual and pansexual identity as apposed to the ally of the LGBTQ+ to hide behind that as a shield for criticism, and I am now putting my foot down.

Most of you who identify as BiPan are NOT interested in both genders, you (this goes for fujoshi's not all bipan or all fujoshis before people kirk the fuck out. And if you lose your mind and yell at me in inbox over it, I am assuming you guys have a lot to hide, hence Anon Asks will be monitored.) are only interested in males and have no specific interest in trans or even females.

I am well aware there's OTHER terms that can describe the specific attraction but I think you all need to be flushed from the community. This issue has been related to the Hazbin Hotel Community because most of the LGBTQ+ Stans are incredibly homophobic and only wear the labels to deflect any criticism.

Viv claims she's bisexual, she's only dated one man in her entire life there's been reports and claims of her not being "bad because she's the LGBTQ"

You are not exempt from crtiticism regardless of if you are black, red, green, purple or even a fucking helicopter. You are NOT void of criticism, you're still held liable, regardless if you identifty as Trans or not.

The reason why I am making this announcement to actually have the community finally put there foot down and take control once more, if we sit here and allow them to continue plaguing the community we're only going 50,000 steps backwards, it's time we reclaim the LGBTQ+ and put an end to this.

How To Spot A Fujoshi

Constant glorification of fetishistic gay relationships, most specfically with uneven body proportions (I.E Lithe little sub boy and Dom big buff Daddy uwu)

Constant defending of the ship as being "LGBTQ+" or "Progressive"

Constant glamorizing MPREG which (if it's not canonically possible, I.E. In DBZ Namekians can canonically lay eggs, making it canon for mpreg in the same way as Frieza's Species Can.) is a fetish for weird Fujishi's.

Constant red flags involving their takes on other characters, and focuses more on male orientated relationships or even outright claiming X character is Y and saying it's canon basically erasing the characters original sexuality to fit their fetish, it's one thing to have a headcanon but using said headcanon as it's supposed fact is not okay.

Constant deflecting and calling other members of the LGBTQ+ who have issue with the fetishistic material as being antis or downright homophobic.

Women Hating, oftentimes shipping a married man with a best friend/rival and or shitting on OC x Canon or Self Insert x Canon or even sinks a ship/tries trampling a ship because of their gooning fantasies.

Internalized Homophobia (regarding anything that doesn't stand for G.)

What do to if encountering a Fujoshi?

Ignore them, block them.

Make a list of warning DNI/BFY for others

What NOT to do

Call them out, giving them attention is only serving to give them victim hood status.

Send them direct hate.

Vague Posting Them

Mentioning them

What does this mean for you and me?

If you're a Fujoshi or support ANYTHING I DO NOT stand by I have explicitily denounced, this is your FINAL WARNING to block me because I am personally gonna go through every single fucker whose actively reblogged my shit.

This is your final message to LEAVE. I have been advised to finally put my foot down and this is the final nail in the coffin. People have actively camouflaged their way into our community and this is fucking disgusting.

I am not kidding, if you don't want me to find shit that I happen to come across later on down the line then this is your final warning to unfollow and block me. It doesn't do well to lie to me or lie to anyone else especially when shit comes out later down the lie.

If you're my mutuals I expect you all to be honest and understanding, not be liars who uphold the same moral and values as me only for me to later find out you support disgusting things.

If you think I am harsh on strangers on Anon, I am more harsher on Tumblr Mutuals and I have huge expectations for them, I do NOT need another Nvrth incident because GODAMN it, people are so easy to trick and lie to me.

"But you support so and so!"

Not anymore.

"But you wrote disgusting Mega Man Molestation Fics!"

I addressed them, they were trauma fics that were uploaded to my orphaned A03 account when I was between the ages of 12-15. People have actively spread misinfo stating I was 21, when I was around 12 at the latest and 15 at the eldest.

"You supported a groomer!"

Nrvth had actively withheld the information from me so I didn't know all of it until he had ex communicated me due to my poor misspeaking of how I viewed a younger close friend whom I no longer speak to, he had lied to me and the extent the CC for years and that person is NO longer online.

"You GROOMED PRECIOUSSTAR64"

Again, same person who actively harassed me and my friends, mocked my trauma and had people press other Mega Man creators on Tumblr to spread malicious false allegations over a internet relationship that he did not actually give a fuck about because any kid that is a Birdie Clone only OD's because they are in love with the Discord Nitro users PFP rather than the person as a whole, lasts for a bare minimum of 3 weeks, and is littered with suicide threats, false grooming and abuse allegations. Star is nothing more then a lying witch who groomed a 12 year old who she claimed was her little sister. I suggest you don't believe a spastic moron who LARPS and mocks people with BPD who hasn't been medicated and who gets her Mommy who OBVIOUSLY needs to take away her internet privilleges to fight battles for her. She ruined my life and accused my partners of heinous things for a Online Relationship.

"Okay, but you wrote that fanfiction that was WORSE than stolkholm!"

The fanfiction you were referring to was a fanfiction never released at all, I mentioned numerous times, in the physc ward I was not allowed phones so I utilized the materials like journals and lined paper to write depraved shit because I was still coming to terms with my trauma. When I left I continued documenting them in journals my Mom bought me, most of these journals exist by my bedside tote and will NEVER be released, there's an uncensored reading I did of the fanfictions that would exceed an hour that would be released to give closure and confirmation of those existing but considering this shit was documented between 2017-2020 I consider this ineligible and most fics are lost media, the fics I am specifically referring to are now completely burnt (by abusive people) or just fics that were lost when confiscated, the ones that were in binders are mostly gone, the journals remain. If I ever to get rid of them I would photo copy the journals and preserve them for only myself and half of them are actually fucking gross and unpleasant, I would be going over the contents and someday explaining the thought process maybe after I am done, but yes they do exist and yes, i do mock them, compared to my recent writings I'd say its improved. But no, I am not a pedo. Just a poorly traumatized child who wrote in journals to cope, and made the mistake of posting some off the cuff fics I do not stand by. I am firmly disagreeing with anyone who dares think I support shit like that.

There is all my claims, I am not a saint, I am someone whose flawed. People have actively asked me my takes and I am just some rando on the internet.

[nohoes-bedempty]

A useless metal history lesson because I'm intense and I love Eddie Munson

Featuring: Billy Hargrove.

You know...

I've always loved metal, from my early teenage years to now that I've turned 30. And since I started watching Stranger Things and Eddie came into my life, I don't think I've ever felt prouder of being a passive part of the community, but as much as I love fanfiction, understand and respect the need to write an OoC Eddie, mostly to be a little self-indulgent, there are things that I just WANT to share with you, simply because I can and I've been thinking about lately.

So, if there's something that always makes my soul burn with love, it's music; making it, practicing it, listening to it, study it in a philosophical, anthropological way, appreciating it in a peformative way, doesn't matter, I love it, and I love watching documentaries about the history of it, mainly, you guessed it: metal.

Now, I love me a Rockstar!Eddie fanfic every now and then, but I recently read a -very- unpopular opinion that rubbed me the wrong way about Eddie not actually liking metal, but pretending to like it while enjoying other music. Now, they're unpopular for a reason, and this is by no means a statement to dismiss a mere opinion, but it seems like someone discovered liking other artists while being actively part of a subculture. As a goth myself, and it being a music-based subculture, we know it's pretty much impossible to listen to a single music genre forever; you have to listen to the music to be considered part of the subculture, but that doesn't mean it's the only genre you have to listen to for the rest of your life. I'd go crazy if I only listened to a single music genre, no matter how much I love it.

Eddie LOVES metal, but not just any kind of metal, not the kind to come across when you look for "Accurate Eddie Munson Playlist" on spotify, for example. I'll tell you a little story:

Back in the eighties, when metal funded the bases of political views, sound, aesthetics and the public that felt drawn to it, was also the time it was mainstream. Many musicians were earning a good bag by making rock/metal, and to a lot of other aspiring musicians, it was never about the passion but about the money, they wanted to become rich by playing music that was being well-paid. Why do you think so many songs about **certain** glam rock bands are so trivial? Not that there's anything wrong with that, but when most metal bands sing about politics or fantasy stories, it looks like there's a stark difference between how metal started vs. how it ended.

In the history of metal, there are a lot of bands that want nothing to do with the genre because they wanted nothing to do with bands like Poison, Mötley Crüe, Quiet Riot, Twisted Siste, Jetboy or KISS, because it took the main purpose of the message of what metal once was.

Now, although not all glam rock bands talked about the same things, there is a difference with bands like Iron Maiden, Dio, Metallica, Megadeth, Anthrax and King Diamond/Mercyful Fate. W.A.S.P. was one of the glam rock bands that Eddie liked that had really interesting lyrics.

Why am I mentioning Billy Hargrove? Patience, my darling, I'm about to start.

Eddie, like I've said in a past post, is a storyteller. He's a Dungeon Master, meaning he has to get creative about writing stories for his campaings, dig in fantasy worlds, that's why he likes TLOTR, that's why he likes Dio and Iron Maiden, because their lyrics feed his wandering mind (likely ADHD) to keep him creating. I'll leave some verses of songs to make a point.

"...In the land of the lost horizon

Where the queen lies dark and cold

And when the stars won't shine then the story's told, yeah

When the world was milk and honey

And the magic was strong and true

Then the strange ones came and the people knew

That the chains were on

That the chains were on..."

Dio - Egypt (the chains were on). (The Last in Line, 1984)

____________

"...When you're lying in your sleep, when you're lying in your bed

And you wake from your dreams to go dancing with the dead

When you're lying in your sleep, when you're lying in your bed

And you wake from your dreams to go dancing with the dead

To this day, I guess I'll never know

Just why they let me go

But I'll never go dancing no more

'Til I dance with the dead..."

Iron Maiden - Dance of Death (Dance of Death, 2003)

_____________

"...You have been dying since the day you were born

You know it's all been planned

The quartet of deliverance rides

A sinner once, a sinner twice

No need for confessions now

'Cause now you've got the fight of your life..."

Metallica - The Four Horsemen (Kill 'Em All, 1983)

The fact that Eddie was a drug dealer and was two years behind graduation make people believe he wasn't smart, but the creativity needed for what he did, plus the amount of reading he probably did gets ignored constantly, because we think Eddie doesn't read, that Eddie doesn't have a sharp mind, that the only thing he does is play guitar (as if that enough wasn't to be praised, he likely learned Master of Puppets in a week with no internet and no youtube tutorials. I don't think you understand how skilled he was) and play DnD (and some authors don't know how sharp and smart DMs are).

Eddie was way more than that, and every time I think of his artsy nature, I can't think of anything else besides how much I want to lick his brain. Eddie was a genius, one dominated by the right side of his brain. Do you not remember his speech at the cafeteria about false comformity?

Billy, Billy... How are you featured in this post?

Oh, because the post about Eddie pretending to like metal made me think that it's actually a real thing. People pretending to like certain music genres because of the public image it gives them.

There are a lot of people in the community (mostly men) who like metal because they think it makes them look intimidating, badass and smart, like they like to brag about how the bands they like talk about things that matter in their lyrics but these fans don't live up to what they listen to; they're still homophobic, racist, fascist and a lot of awful things in between, while listening to music that's highly political. Billy liked Metallica, I rememer his "Kill 'Em All" poster stuck on his wall, but he was a douche. Do you know what he listened to? You might guess... Yeah! Glam rock! Ratt, Mötley Crüe, all the bands you think Eddie would listen to just because it says 'metal' and it happened in the eighties. Billy was a man worried about looks and getting laid, things that these musicians talked about in their lyrics. He wasn't sharp-minded, he wasn't interested in being creative, in bands protesting against war or telling fantasy stories about pharaohs, dancing with the dead or princesses and castles. The current image of the misogynistic rockstar surrounded by groupies and wasted on substances was an image created by musicians bragging the life they could afford thanks to rock and roll, nothing to do with the initial message of the genre. If you know anything about the main bands Eddie likes to listen to and Corroded Coffin's potential influences, you'd know they weren't really interested in living their music in Mötley Crüe way, where the main focus was, like I said, bragging about the things money from rock and roll gave them or the women (using them and stop seeing them like people while happily married), but in a sillier way where they focused mainly on writing creative music, writing lyrics for the outcast like them the way Metallica did.

Although there were a lot of iconic metal figures who were nothing but polite when asked about 'looks metal', who would roll their eyes at the question because the wording was disrespecftul towards those musicians, there is an undeniable rejection too. Lemmy Kilmister from Motörhead was respectful, he'd say he wished he was pretty too, that he didn't mind 'being copied'. Cliff Burton said that it worked for them, but wouldn't work for Metallica and that was fine. But James Hetfield said during a concert that they weren't 'a band who sang about girls and shouted rock and roll every few seconds'. I wonder who they were hinting at. (I'll look up the video to leave it here or to at least quote it verbatim).

Anyway, if you're curious about bands Eddie would have liked from the eighties, I'll leave a very scarce list so you can use them for prompts in your fanfics, just in case you want to be a snob like me and use bands with contents he'd appreciated:

Helloween

Ronnnie James Dio in any band (Rainbow, Dio, Heaven&Hell, maybe even Elf)

Savatage

Death Angel

Dark Angel

Sepultura

Witchfinder General

Cruel Force

Armored Saint

Diamond Head

Metal Church

Saxon

Crimson Glory

Just a name a few, I actually had a longer list I can't find and I'm not in the state of mind to search or try to remember, also to not make this post longer than it already is. BUT if you want more bands I'll be posting the list in a different post, and if you want me to tag you, just ask ♥

[glamnessaaumisc]

FNAF/Banban Shitpost

Based on something @aarcade said when they were streaming Garten Banban IV in a Discord VC.

Update: They played Garten of Banban VI when it came out as well. I will hide a long-ass (and VERY cringe) text post regarding my opinions about the game (re: 95% about Bittergiggle) underneath a read-more link.

In my opinion, the game was pretty much what I expected from a Banban game. However, Bittergiggle is such an unexpectedly amazing and complex character coming from a game that only a four-year-old could enjoy. Not only does his voice actor stand above the rest of Banban's voice cast, but he has a really great motivation behind his actions, and you can understand why he does everything he does, both good and bad.

In Garten of Banban IV, Bittergiggle is established as a character whose raison d'etre is his comedy career. He was, quite literally, born to be funny. However, the world he was thrust into prohibits him from making any jokes whatsoever lest it literally be destroyed. This is so because Queen Bouncelia, the de-facto ruler of some LARP-kingdom underneath the kindergarten, holds the "Naughty Ones" at bay within her pouch and may accidentally let them loose, should she ever laugh. (Did I mention Banban's story is stupid af?) Thus, Bittergiggle is ostracized from the Kingdom by Sheriff Toadster, forced to take his comedy career even more underground than it already is. Due to this ostracization, he begins to question the notion that the Queen's laughter could lay waste to the Kingdom and even rebels against Toadster's self-assigned and often overreaching authority. (Note: Toadster is technically in the right by preventing Bittergiggle from getting to the Queen, but he also arrested most of the original cast of Garten of Banban for seemingly no reason at all. He's kind of like a Discord/Reddit moderator who flexes his authority by being a tyrannical prick.)

But eventually, Bittergiggle finally does it, the madman! He makes the Queen laugh...but that end-of-the-world conspiracy he denied so vehemently is proven to be true! The Naughty Ones escape and lay waste to the land he called home. When you next meet Bittergiggle in Garten of Banban VI, he apologizes profusely for his lack of foresight and pledges to help you out with fixing the problem he created. His life starts turning around. He gets together with some other characters - Banban, Nabnab, and Kittysaurus (I am losing brain cells) to name a few - and goes on a quest to find the Queen's scepter, which IIRC is a weapon that can combat the Naughty Ones or something like that. He even gets an audience to listen to his jokes! That's right, in one part of the game, Bittergiggle admits to you that he sometimes says his jokes aloud and the Naughty Ones laugh at them from the darkness. It makes him really happy, and he feels as if he is finally fulfilling his life's purpose. In fact, his newfound audience makes him so happy that at the end of the game when you're escaping the leader of the Naughty Ones, he stays behind because he wants to keep his audience and continue to fulfill his purpose.

The next (and last at the time of writing) time you see Bittergiggle is in the ending cutscene of Garten of Banban VI. The Naughty Ones' laughter was but a ruse, and when he embraced his "audience" they corrupted him and turned him into their thrall. Truly, Bittergiggle is the most tragic and well-written character in the content-farm-friendly clusterfuck that is Garten of Banban.

My IQ dropped into the single digits when I was writing this, and I hope yours does the same as you read my incoherent rambling about the worst mascot horror series.

[rainbowsky]

Anonymous asked:

Hey rainbowsky I hope you are doing well love you account, I saw this on Twitter about wyb following an account on weibo that slanders xz and few other celebrities. I'm not on weibo personally and I was wondering if its true . Forgive my not so perfect grammar English ain't my first language

Hi, Anon. Thanks so much, I'm glad you're enjoying my blog! ☺️

Your English is fine! It doesn't have to be perfect anyway, people. Even people who grew up with English as their first language sometimes struggle with how to express things. I'm not going to be grading anyone's messages. 😘

Regarding this issue, I want to remind everyone that following and reading what antis say anywhere is never a good idea. Their only purpose in life is to hate, and you should just edit that all the way out of your life. Block, ignore, and report when appropriate.

For background, there are some haters out there claiming that he followed a moto account that is a notorious cyberbully who slanders many celebrities.

I happen to be very intimately aware of who DD follows on Weibo, because I did a comprehensive post about it a while back. I know all of the patterns of who he tends to follow and their relationship to him.

DD absolutely does not follow any fan accounts, and never has. He does not follow the account in question.

The claim is that he followed this person and then quickly unfollowed them. I think that anyone with two brain cells to rub together can tell that is obviously an accidental follow. We have all done it at some point in our lives (and for some reason it only seems to happen with accounts we absolutely would not want to be associated with!).

If you've ever used the Weibo app, the follow button is a few millimeters away from the phone's back button, and it would be easy to accidentally follow somebody when you meant to go back to the previous page. Especially if you have huge hands like his.

Why would he be looking at the page of an anti? Probably for the same reason you were, Anon. Everyone has a morbid human curiosity about anti material for some reason, and they spend entirely too much time looking at it.

It's possible that he saw a hate comment about his husband and he wanted to see if it was someone claiming to be his fan. It's possible he saw something said 'in his name' that he didn't agree with. It's possible somebody mentioned that account as potentially in the next crop of people being sued. We will never know.

What we do know is that if he ever did follow them (and screen caps can be faked very easily, so I'm not even sure that's true), he doesn't follow them now.

Edit: apparently the supposed DD account wasn't him, it was faked. All the more reason to ignore this kind of BS.

These are the kinds of things that people can waste time hand-wringing over, when they are absolutely inconsequential.

The reality is that the people angrily spreading this story about him are just as horrible as the person they are claiming he followed. That is the irony of all of this. They are the exact same sort of person. They say and do all of the same horrible things as that account does.

The other irony is that all of this is happening on xitter - a platform no decent human being should still be participating in.

Anyone still on there is participating in a Neo-Nazi platform, and further legitimizing and lining the pockets of the richest, most corrupt dirtbag on the planet, who is right now actively engaged in an illegal, racist, anti-queer, anti-disabled, anti-kindness, self-serving fascist dismantling of the US democratic systems of government. That should be more worrying to you than this ridiculous story.

The fact that there are so many high profile turtles who still participate there is an ongoing source of deep embarrassment and shame for the fandom.

Why not leave that hateful platform to the antis and move over to BlueSky, which has all of the features needed and none of the baggage? Most of those turtles already have a presence on there, they just don't actually use their accounts. They need to find the moral courage to lead everybody to greener pastures.

[myun-saidthoughts]

12th House Synastry: The Darker Themes That May Manifest

I made a post about Neptune and 12th house synastry awhile ago (here is the link to that: Understanding 12th house synastry)

In that post, I explained how this synastry can manifest between partners, but I didn't discuss the darker side of it or discuss why those darker themes are present in the first place.

To start off, some of the more common dark themes associated with this synastry include deception, lies, addiction, and hidden agendas. This synastry also can indicate being the other woman in a relationship or one party may have a commitment to another person that the other party isn't aware of (such as one partner is married, engaged, or involved with someone else). If there is 8th house synastry involved (like Pluto aspecting inner planets or 8th house overlays), power dynamics may emerge, with one person holding an authoritative position. Age gaps or factors such as work hierarchies, status, reputation, social circles, or cultural influences may also prevent the two parties from publicly showcasing their relationship.

The reason these dark themes manifest is influenced by many factors, the primary one being the person's core nature. If they are spiritually awakened, aware, compassionate, or empathetic, the themes mentioned above are less likely to arise within the connection. Ultimately, who a person is at their core will dictate how these connections manifest.

I have read many 12th house/Neptune synastry stories, and one major red flag that stands out is what is often 'hidden' within the relationship. While this synastry can evoke profound, otherworldly feelings, there’s a risk that the person you’re pouring your love into may only be a projection of your perception of them. This is tied to how you view yourself, your understanding of love, and your willingness to be vulnerable.

This synastry naturally clouds and confuses the relationship dynamic, if you have natal 12th house placements, Pisces placements or Neptune aspecting your own inner planets then the influence of falling into the web of what you think is, instead of what actually is; is more likely.

For example, the reason you may be drawn to, influenced by, or dealing with these dark themes has to do with the level of commitment or love you're ready to process. You may consciously state that you desire a deep love, but if you look at your past patterns, you might notice that you often fall for the people you claim you want to stay away from. You may say, 'I deserve better,' or recognize that the type of love you're offering is not being reciprocated. While you may be consciously aware of this, you still find yourself in connections that reinforce the image of love you say you want to change.

This has to do with the fact that there are still subconscious self beliefs that are operating within you; these beliefs may be so deeply rooted in your subconscious to the point where you are not even aware of it, and the reason why these dark themes are able to manifest within your life is because the people you are choosing are reiterating the self belief you're "comfortable" with. I say comfortable because it's what feels known within you, this person creates a feeling within you and though they may logically be wrong for you in so many objective manners, the fact that you can feel drawn towards them is what is causing you to want them, especially if you struggle with emotional vulnerability, or if you find it hard to actually form feelings towards another. This person is (in essence) allowing you to form feelings because their presence/actions reaffirm the same self beliefs you've been dealing with throughout your life.

This type of synastry even becomes more nuanced when the 8th house is involved, oftentimes if you are not aware of your own self inner wounds this type or interplay can cause such chaos. This is especially true if you are choosing someone who wants to use you, or if they have their own inner battles that they ignore. In essence to stay aware of the connection at hand:

Look at them at face value instead at the value that you give them.

Stay aware and acknowledge the fact that their own actions and choices act as a true unit that showcases their true feelings towards you.

Understand that even though you're able to understand or empathize with their struggles doesn't mean you should justify their actions.

The feeling you feel with them is already sitting within you; if that wasn't the case you wouldn't be drawn to them in the first place. Therefore that scarce mindset where you may feel like you need them to allow romance in is only a facade that keeps you at a distance of receiving reciprocal love.

This again is an extreme case but I wanted to make a note.

Another thing I want to note is that with this synastry, you might feel an intense draw toward the other person, as if you’ve known them in a past life (because how could someone create such deep longing within you if that wasn't the case?) This might create the connection to be very thought-provoking, and the longing you experience can manifest instantly in moments when you're not with them; this might lead you to believe that you share a deep, once-in-a-lifetime connection. However, the person you are drawn to may actually be a projection of your own desires for emotional fulfillment, especially if they are an objectively lost soul struggling with personal battles such as addiction or ongoing affairs.

The reason why individuals often state that 12th house and Neptune synastry can indicate past life connections is that this type of synastry evokes similar feelings of longing, wishes, and desires. In my experience with both, I understand why people associate Neptune/12th house synastry with past life connections. However, this synastry often creates a sense of longing while leaving more questions than answers.

With past life connections, you may instantly feel a deep longing for someone you’ve just met—their eyes seem familiar, and their touch feels sacred. In contrast, when Neptune and the 12th house are involved, there’s a crucial difference. Instead of a sense of certainty, there’s more wondering, thinking, analyzing, and fixating. You might convince yourself that you know them by creating intense, otherworldly feelings within you.

In genuine past life connections, there’s an unexplainable, intuitive sense that you’ve met before, without needing proof or logical understanding. You feel deeply connected without questioning it. This is a key difference that more people should recognize. If there are more questions than an immediate intuitive knowing, the likelihood of it being a past life connection is much less.

In summary, the main difference with Neptune/12th house synastry vs past life connections is there's a "without a doubt" mentality that you've known them before. The main reason why theres an association with 12th house synastry and past life connections is because this synastry genuinely mimics the same deep rooted feeling of longing or what if scenario's. This synastry causes you to create feelings within where it'll feel like you two have been together before but that doesn't mean these feelings are rooted in the deep seated knowing of "I've met you before" like true past life connections are like.

(which is why it's very difficult to differentiate and I can understand why but within, you will have moments with them and if out of no where you say "this has happened before" or "it's so easy with you" or if 5 hours feel like 10 minutes, then the chances of them being a part of your past life is more likely; and you can feel this way without even having any intense 12th house synastry with them, you don't have to have 12th house synastry with someone to showcase a past life connection).

That said, there can be times when you may be dealing with 12th house or Neptune synastry and you may consider yourself an open or healthy lover, yet still encounter these themes. You might fall for someone who isn't who they appear to be. Stories like 'We have been dating for two years, and he is an addict' or 'I am engaged, but he has another wife' illustrate this. These examples are extreme, but I believe can occur because this synastry can cloud judgment. That's why it's important to evaluate the relationship at its core rather than relying solely on your perceptions.

If you find yourself dealing with these themes or have dealt with them in the past, it's important to recognize that the other partner may not have any real love for you. This is why the 12th house is often associated with 'hidden enemies.' These individuals may not be hiding their true selves, but in your perception, the person they actually are is someone you haven't been able to see. Or in another sense this individual just held and hid parts of them from you, and because of how clouded this synastry can be, falling victim towards these connections is more likely (but like I always say entire natal charts and who the person is at their core dictates the severity of what can occur within these connections).

Another intriguing pattern in this synastry is the tendency to be drawn to darker themes, often finding yourself attracted to someone who seems in need of saving or fixing. The spiritual connection you feel may arise from a deep longing to help them, as their internal struggles compel you to give endlessly. Their internal struggles causes you to give and give which ultimately keeps you at arms distance within the connection. Especially since they can't formally give you the same love you are giving them, and this stems from the fact a part of you doesn't believe you deserve the type of love you fantasize or long for. That being said, the dreams you have about them or with them, and the coincidences that keep occurring could very well be reflections of the emotional fulfillment you desire, and doesn't paint the fact that you two are "meant to be"

This pattern can also be linked to unrequited love. When this occurs, it mirrors what I’ve mentioned before: you find yourself falling for someone you can't truly have. You become infatuated with the person you imagine them to be, rather than who they actually are. You create scenarios in your mind where you’re together, longing for a connection that has never existed. All of these patterns stem from a fear of embracing reciprocal love.

It feels easier to desire someone rather than have them; it's more comfortable to long for the idea of a partner than to actively choose someone who can choose you in return. Such dynamics are more prevalent when you struggle with emotional closeness and vulnerability. Selecting someone whom you subconsciously know won’t or can’t choose you can feel like a safer option.

I explore this concept further in my original 12th house synastry post, so feel free to check that out for more insights.

The main point of this post is to remain aware of your own wounds, self-undoing patterns, and emotional fears regarding romance. The self-giving nature you choose to engage in can create a block to receiving the kind of love you’re capable of giving to others, often stemming from a fear of being in a reciprocal loving relationship. If you stay aware and offer yourself inner healing then the chances of falling in relationships where these dark themes can occur is less likely.

Note: I believe that if you have strong Pisces placements, 12th house natal placements, or Neptune aspecting your inner planets, as well as a broken attachment style or a tumultuous relationship with your mother, you may be more susceptible to experiencing these dark themes in your reality. If you fear love yet simultaneously long for it, these factors can be significant indicators. Conversely, if you do not have these characteristics, the intensity of such themes is less likely.

[acourtofthought]

Why are these people so obsessed with connecting Elain to sunshine and the day court when Lucien isn't even connected to the day court yet 😭😭

Mans has no clue his real daddy is helion not Beron. Mans spends his time in the HUMAN LANDS - far away from the day court. He doesn't even cross paths with Helion.

Not to mention - we don't know jack shit about the day court like who is to say she would be happy there?? Like I envision the day court as a desert - by that logic - how tf she gonna garden there anyways???

Elain is not plant. 🪴 stop trying to send her to different courts to be with different men because she likes flowers and asked for sunlight once 😡

Her home is where her family is. Where the people she loves are. Stop treating her like a basil plant!

I've been ignoring anti anons but since you're not technically an anon I'll respond though my guess is you're still acting pathetic and posting under a burner account rather than having the balls to post as your real self.

Feyre once called the Spring Court her home.

Elain once wanted to go home to the human lands.

What makes you think, when the definition of home changed for both Feyre and Elain already, that Elain's true home can't end up being somewhere other the NC?

She didn't want to be in the NC in ACOWAR. She didn't choose the NC as her home. She ended up there by default because she had no choice. She had no choice but to find friends in Feyre's inner circle. Had no choice in males outside her mate aside from the one single guy in Feyre's inner circle.

Elain's experiences after being turned now consist of elderly fae and the people she's met through Feyre. Those are not real choices, are they ? It's choosing from a very small pool of people and you can't cry how she's finally found where she belongs when she's seen the tiniest percentage of what actually exists in her new world. Especially when none of those people encourage her growth and actually try to hold her back from doing more. With family and friends like that why have enemies?

And honestly, don't play dumb. You're the same people claiming Elain will have something to do with the Dusk Court though absolutely nothing supports this whereas Lucien was literally connected to Day in ACOWAR. Just because he doesn't know yet doesn't mean it's not still his birthright 😂. The power still sleeps in him even if it hasn't fully been revealed. Sarah didn't remind us of this secret in ACOFAS if she didn't plan on writing about it when Lucien gets a pov. Also, in case you're forgetting Lucien is now permanently stationed in Spring. It's almost like.. hear me out.... him in the human lands wasn't going to be his forever home but simply Sarah giving him a place to reside temporarily until it was time to continue building his story.

And he has crossed paths with Helion, they were literally at Starfall in SF at the same time. Lucien gives reports to Feyre and Rhys in the NC. Helion is friends with Feyre and Rhys and has visited the NC. It's quite easy for Sarah to stage a little run in. Not to mention Lucien traveled to Day way back when to search for info on how to break the bargain between Rhys and Feyre.

Elain is not a plant but the author told us she needs sunshine, that how she was once so full of light nothing now remains. Then proceeds to reveal Lucien as the heir to Day and later adds on to that how the gates to Elain's mind have sleeping buds. Sleeping buds when she currently resides in the NC. Even later we're told how NC black sucks the life from Elain no matter how much she claimed to be part of the court.

This is the same author who had Feyre paint stars on her drawer for some unknown to her at the time reason. Which led to her finding her home and mate in the NC. This is called a literary device. If you look into them you might enjoy your reading experience a bit more and if you're still struggling to grasp the concept you might be too young for these books.

Also, you realize the Day Court and Spring can still have gardens right? The flowers won't just magically grow on their own without being planted and require zero upkeep? That's like saying Florida has no need for gardeners just because it's warm year round 😂

I actually feel bad for you, how wide a margin you keep missing the mark with.

[freedelusionshere]

Syd tried to run Sheridan Road on her own and it wiped her out financially and emotionally. This is obviously completely different from Carmy’s Empire experience with Chef David’s waste, abuse, and excesses, but there are some parallels. See @whenmemorydies post about The Bear showing intentionally how food, time, and labor are wasted.

Syd wasn’t using extravagant ingredients she was just making really good food. The lamb ragu story comes to mind. Something that had to be cooked slowly for hours (which, there are similar mentions of this like Carmy telling Marcus about the plum wine reduction that had to be watched for hours), but the ragu is a dish that can be stretched further to feed a lot of people with relatively inexpensive ingredients.

Can you imagine her hand making all of that pasta for mean pasta lady’s event and having to throw it out and how that probably killed her? Like throwing out all her labor? She pivots by serving it over those Hawaiian rolls which you can buy at the supermarket. But that’s like panic mode having to make it work and then we know this woman wasn’t having it.

Also, we see Syd being frustrated at trying to make pasta in S2, which must be on purpose narratively because it’s something Carmy can probably do in his sleep but she doesn’t want to ask him for help at that point, she’s pissed at him.

All of this to say Syd had to have hired catering staff to help her, but probably didn’t have a team around her at all times. She was probably doing all the books, marketing, cooking and testing, buying, etc. As someone that had a business before and it bombed this shit is next-level exhausting. Part of the reason I wanted to do it was to escape the system I was working in and do things my own way which is really a trap in and of itself when you try to do it all on your own.

Which, I know what she means when she tells her dad she doesn’t have “another one” in her and why she doesn’t want to have to leave The Bear and start over again when Carmy literally agreed with her that they would try to do things differently.

But Syd also has a tendency to minimize herself and bust her ass endlessly and she feels responsible for other people. When you go to work for yourself and make all the decisions you don’t have to create a system to put other people through and grind them like you are grinding. Look at how she protects Tina in S3. Her taking care of other people is deflecting from taking care of herself and being honest about her needs.

This long-ass post is basically to talk about how she doesn’t want to be individualistic but Carmy also said he didn’t want to do things the same in S1, either and then did. If Syd ends up in charge in S4, is she likely to repeat her past as well? Her entertaining Shapiro’s offer seems to be hinting at that (wanting control) or would she potentially reject the idea of one person being in control at this point altogether? I think what she wants is a true partner but if she doesn’t feel she will get that will she fall back on being self-reliant?

Or, as @whenmemorydies posted here about Syd "putting in the work", will she not repeat the past because she has grown and learned?