#because the dragon would roast him if this was even real.

[crossdressingdeath]

I get the sense that a lot of those Durge players who basically treat Durge like edgy Tav and get mad whenever anyone brings up that Durge—yes, even their Durge—has committed just so many atrocities aren't super familiar with like. RPGs. Or if they've played RPGs it's RPGs where your character has no in-game background and no relevant connection to the plot beyond one thing. Y'know, games where the protagonist is just the equivalent of Tav. They don't seem to grasp that a character being customizable and a character having no canonical history... aren't the same thing. Let's use Dragon Age as an example; Tav is a lot like the Inquisitor in DAI, in that they have no relevant background with all extra dialogue they've got tied to their race and class (BG3 also adds backgrounds to it, but I don't know how much dialogue you get from those and the point still stands). There's no mention of their past, no interaction with anyone they knew beyond one war table mission or series of war table missions which involve one character they knew before. Who they are doesn't matter and you can do whatever you like because the story does not care and is not impacted by it. And there's nothing inherently wrong with that approach, personally I find the story tends to get a bit dull when there's no story hooks for the player character beyond "Uh... bad shit'll happen if you don't Do Something" but it's not bad. It's just not how Durge operates. They're more like the Warden in DAO (although a bit more defined than them). The details of their backstory are still up to you! But quite a few things are already set. We know the broad strokes of every potential Warden's life because it's all set up in the origins; it'd be stupid to insist that your Surana wasn't a Circle mage or your Cousland wasn't raised in a castle as the second child of the Couslands or your Brosca wasn't a Carta thug and complain whenever people talked about how all those things are in fact the case in canon, because that's all stated outright in the game. The exact details of what they did growing up, how they felt about it, what friends or enemies they might have made, all that is left up to the player but the broad outline of what they did is set. The game relies on that, because that set background is what gives the Warden a stake in the story that the writers can then use to make the quests hit harder.

Similarly, the fact that Durge did in fact do all those awful things is vital to the plot of BG3, because... well, let's be real here, there wouldn't be a plot at all if Durge hadn't willingly allied with Gortash and worked alongside him. We know they were a necrophile, Sceleritas says that outright. We know they genuinely cared for Gortash (whatever form that care took) enough to beg forgiveness from their father for getting too close but also fully expected to kill him in the process of burning down the whole world for Bhaal, the Prayer for Forgiveness makes that plain. We know they find roasted dwarf delicious, whether you pick the options to say that or not they have ambient dialogue in the goblin camp commenting on how good it smells. How they felt about those things is up to the player (if you don't want to play someone who used to be pure evil there's a lot of really fun mileage in exploring how they got to the point where they'd do those things and how they dealt with the things they did), but they did do them. Just like it would be stupid to throw a tantrum over people talking about Mahariel being raised by Ashalle after their parents died because Your Mahariel Definitely Wasn't when the game definitively says that yes they were, it's stupid to whine about how your Durge would never do those bad things when the game tells us outright that they definitely for sure did. If you can't handle that... just don't play Durge. That is why Tav exists, so people who don't want to play a character who's done legitimately awful things don't have to. Either play Tav or get over yourself, because being able to change Durge's name, race and class doesn't mean they stop being an origin character with a backstory of their own.

[punkeropercyjackson]

in celebration of me getting my first anon hate comment that just so happens to be transphobic I want to hear more about your headcanons abt the gaang and the characters u think are trans :3

LET'S FUCKING GOOOOOOOOO

SO Zuko is Link level trans to me.I want to get my transmasc version out first,he was an early egg cracker and Ozai is a sexist ass so he was happy to have a son instead of a daughter and Ursa was happy to have a son because Zuko was happy to BE her son.Zuko's transition happened no hassle thanks to being a prince giving him easy resources and he has top surgery scars and his voice is like That because of T and voice training to sound 'intimidating' and he identifies as dragongender since he says 'he's a guy in the way a dragon is'.There's a Zunia moment where Zuko is feeling dysphoric and Nia says he's never known him as anything but a guy and Zuko snarks that they met after he realized he is one and Nia points out they actually met when he was still just figuring it out and insisting he was a guy in the way he talked about himself and that he'd just rolled with it while everybody else dismissed it as him being a tomboy.Cue 10+ gender euphoria for Zuko

And TRANSFEM ZUKO MY BEAUTIFUL WIFE <333 She keeps her birth name because 'Princess Zuko' goes hard and just has an in-universe attachment to it because Ursa named her(/hc)and her storyline in the show has major tgirl swag with letting go of toxicity to not force herself to be Ozai's son,what a Team Mom she is to Aang,Maiko and Ty Luko feel so sapphic to me and she's lowkey kinda a misandrist lmao(instantly beefing with guys for talking to Mai because she thought they were creeps just for being guys,her Iroh roasts that're worse than her Azula ones,how realistically she hates men and trust women because of having a bad dad and a good mom,etc).She's femme presenting in a japanese way and the first people she comes to out to would obviously be Nia and Aang and she was being super jittery and even teary but they showered her in love and acceptance and nobody could really say anything about the Fire Lord being transfem because hello,FIRE LORD.Her transition went as smoothly as her transmasc variant's and she's him but cooler cause she's a girl /lh

KATARA HAS TGIRL SWAG!!!She tries to emulate motherhood despite being 14 so she can be 'a real girl' but still fights against other gender stereotypes like that feminine women can't be strong or else they aren't feminine or even female and her getting so excited to finally have another girl in the Gaang :'))) Her reinforcements of her gender identity are her being transfem and proud of it and rightfully demanding she be aknowledged as female being a core part of who she is and wanting to experience the good parts of girlhood including being thought of desirable FOR being a girl(Thank you gender validation king Aang)and she's mermaidgender.Also 'I was a Teenage Anarchist' by Against Me! is Katara core and so is Punk Tactics by Joey Valence & Brae,I'm just a girl by Cassidy Mackenzie and Bang Bang Bang Bang by Sohodolls.Normie Katara truthers wild asf,that is a punk native trans girl,end.of.discussion!

Aang is transmasc genderfluid and i once described his gender as 'tboy swag in the sense that's so feminine she's a girl but in a guy way'.Any pronouns and obviously the Air Nomads had their own transgender parts of their culture so that's why he's so openly gnc and is only embarrased about it when mocked for it and Nia also practices into Air Nomad transgenderism because Aang teaches him about since it's his heritage like being half Fire Nation(the black subgroup)is!!He physically transitions but Nia dosen't,solidarity🤝🏾🤝🏼

Sokka is a trans man and the token binary of the Gaang.Nothing much to say on this one,it's just vibes and he overmasculinized himself out of trans male insecurity and he transitions physically as well!!Him and Yue were t4t obvs i mean she's literally the moon in addition to her personality????

I consider transmasc girl Toph quasi-canon since she expresses wanting to be seen as a girl but also uses male titles for herself and the Ember Island Player scene deadass had her getting overjoyed to sound like a huge burly guy so testosterone could've saved her.Any pronouns like Aang and hrt but no surgeries for extra gender fuckery

Jet is a trans Team Dad to the Freedom Fighters and diy'd his own hrt with stolen resources from the goverment,KING!!!He was working on doing the same for Smellerbee who is transfem but we didn't get to see it because the 2000s😔She gets her full transition in my verse though and finally is seen as the beautiful girl she's always been♡Also Jet's rizz comes from his brownskin tboy swag /hj

Nia to expand a bit is afab and bigender so he's transmasc and happily uses the trans man label but also he's a black femme so his experiences with gender are really similar to that of trans women's and he relates the most to them when it comes to girlhood next to other black women so he's transmascfem too!He's naturally androgynous so that's why he never wants physically transition and it took him a hot sec to find his style due to his complex gender but Otome Kei was the perfect fit and he's also dragonkin and pinkgender!Zunia is extremely goth4pastel t4t childhood best friends to lovers and The Peace Trio is literally trans parents and their adoptive trans sondaughter

Ty Lee is such a typical femme trans girl(complimentary).She's a girlypop who's super peppy and goofy but she's also mentally hardend due to trauma and dosen't actually know how to approach guys but DOES girls-A lot of Atla lesbians say this is a lesbian thing and i'm like that one 'Why not both?' meme,transbian Ty Lee supremacy.Anybody who slutshames her for her body type is automatically transmisogynistic and hates to see a trans queen winning(and is also probs a conservative who'd rather pin the blame on her than the writers🙄)

Mai is giving tradgoth transfemme.If i'd seen her design as an adult instead of growing up with the series i would've thought she's canonically trans and especially Maiko pics because they're your average alt4alt transmasc4transfem couple.Like Zuko her transition was easy breezy but fitting in with other girls not so much because she was never taught how to,thanks a lot Ukano and Michi /s.Her dysphoria was crazy bad until her and Ty Lee reunited and got to be trans girl best friends again.I think she'd be batkin also!!

And finally,Azula!!She's a nonbinary trans girl and Ozai choose her as his perfect child soldier subject so she'd 'prove' herself as truly worthy to 'fail' by being useful to him.He gave her all the hrt but none of the needed love every child does💀Azula considered herself 'the perfect trans girl' out of a mix of genuine pride and being taught to be traditionalist with her girlhood but learns to let herself stop being a perfect illusion and just a tgirl after her Nia induced redemption arc that was also a healing arc and dating and eventually marrying Ty Lee let her see that there's no one way to be perfectly trans and that she dosen't have to fit herself into a box.She added nonbinary to it because she likes being masc sometimes!

And not related but they're also all autistic.Ty

[greghatecrimes]

PPTH Gang + What I Think They’d Order At Starbucks, brought to you in incredible and unnecessarily extra detail by a very tired barista!

House: Black eye (black coffee with two shots of espresso), adds his own cream and sugar very sparingly. Occasionally when he’s alone he orders a Caramel Ribbon Crunch frap (guilty pleasure).

Wilson: Grande hot latte with soy milk. He used to order the “skinny vanilla” (latte with skim milk and sugar free vanilla) but stopped because House made fun of him for ordering the white mom drink.

Cuddy: This woman will drink any kind of coffee she can get her hands on in the morning. Even really, really shitty coffee. She just needs something to get through the day. But if she’s got time for Starbucks, I know she’s absolutely getting a tall Brown Sugar Oat Milk Shaken Espresso with two extra shots of espresso (four total). (That is a lot of espresso for a small drink and she needs all of it). She looks so stressed out that the barista draws a smiley face or a star next to her name on the cup, or writes “have a great day!”

Cameron: The Taylor Swift latte. Grande skim latte with caramel. She’s a basic bitch but she knows what she likes, good for her! In the fall she’s 100% a pumpkin spice latte girl and she probably also has the date written on her calendar for when Peppermint Mochas come back in the winter. When asked her name: “It’s Allie, A-L-L-I-E. Thanks!” automatically spells it out to make the barista’s life 3x easier.

Chase: Cameron orders for him because Chase has no idea what the names for anything are. Also likes a good Peppermint Mocha around Christmas (Cameron got him hooked; he stops drinking them after the divorce). Rest of the year he goes for an Americano, iced or hot, with almond milk. His Starbucks name is Bob, which never fails to make Cameron laugh. (Now I’m imagining putting that order out and yelling “ICED AMERICANO FOR BOB!” into a busy cafe and Chase standing there cluelessly like “who? me?” until Cameron nudges him, and I’m laughing my ass off)

Foreman: Regular, plain ol’ black coffee, any kind of dark roast. He adds his own cream very liberally but isn’t a fan of sugar in his coffee.

Thirteen: I spent way too much time thinking of the perfect thing for her. If she just gets coffee at work, just regular decaf coffee is fine. The bitter taste wakes her up since there’s no caffeine. If she wants a nice coffee, I think she’d like a decaf Doppio (two shots of espresso) with a bit of almond milk, one pump of vanilla, and one pump of hazelnut. Hot or iced, but always decaf. Gently but firmly tells the barista to please make sure it’s decaf because she’s “caffeine intolerant” (not wholly a lie. Helps her avoid the caffeine jitters.) Never uses her real name, either gives a random one or just says “Thirteen, like the number” when asked for a name by the barista. Always leaves a tip when she has cash. Orders her drink iced at any time of year if she’s in the mood for it and gets harassed by House for it.

Kutner: Rotates between different superhero names for his Starbucks name (Tony Stark, Clark Kent, Bruce Wayne, Clint Barton, etc.). Taub wants to melt through the floor every time he gets coffee with Kutner and his order is called out. Kutner thinks it’s hilarious. I really feel like he would be happy with anything you give him, but I think his go to if he’s specifically at Starbucks would be a java chip frap despite the fact that Taub lectures him about it (if he’s gonna treat himself to expensive coffee it may as well taste good!!). Also RIP Kutner you would have loved the Dragon Drink so much (both for the badass name AND the fact that it’s purple)

Taub: Doesn’t go to Starbucks often, probably really only goes with Kutner. Just orders a regular latte or cappuccino. He says he doesn’t see the point of adding in all the flavors and stuff because it’ll just drown out the coffee. Might put some cinnamon on top if there’s a shaker of it on the condiment bar. Would add cinnamon or nutmeg at home if he has the luxury of having a late morning and making his own coffee.

Bonus! Amber: Drinks iced coffee in the middle of a blizzard. Could also down shots of espresso like they’re tequila. The most intense bitch. Would be very visibly tense or stressed when ordering but as soon as her order’s done she’d thank the barista pretty genuinely. Go-to order is a cinnamon dolce latte, no whip but keep the cinnamon dolce powder.

[welcome-to-my-bullshitery]

Things that i've noticed that no one ever talks about in LoTR

This is a huge post by the way so im putting it under a cut

you have been warned

TFotR - Book 1

'A day or two later a rumor (probably started by the knowledgeable SAM) YES. SAMWISE GAMGEE. OUR LITTLE CINNAMON ROLL STARTED A RUMOR. idk it's so funny to me

The entire paragraph about hobbits and gift giving is too ADORABLE.

Bilbo put INSTRUMENTS in PARTY CRACKERS. AND LIKE NEW ONES.

Bilbo calling Gandalf 'an interfering old busybody'

Bilbo: "You'll keep an eye on Frodo, won't you?" Gandalf: "Two eyes as often as I can spare them."

All the gifts Bilbo gave out and they all had meaning AND ITS ADORABLE

Lobelia, to Frodo: "...you're no Baggins - you - you're a Brandybuck!" Frodo: "Did you hear that Merry? That was an insult if you like." Meriadoc (Merry) BRANDYBUCK: "It was a compliment, and so, of course, not true."

Gandalf, shoving his head through Frodo's WINDOW: "If you don't let me in, Frodo, I SHALL BLOW YOUR DOOR RIGHT DOWN YOUR HOLE AND OUT THROUGH THE HILL."

That one Hobbit who had seen Ents IN CHAPTER TWO. HAL. HAL SAW ENTS AND IT WAS MENTIONED IN CHAPTER TWO. TWO.

"Many that live deserve death. And some that die deserve life. Can you give it to them?" GANDALF. WHAT THE FUCK.

Sam, freaking tf out about just being caught 'dropping eaves' by Gandalf: "DON'T LET HIM HURT ME MR. FRODO!" Frodo, hardly able to keep from laughing: "He won't hurt you."

Sam being all excited about being able to go on the adventure and then he just. bursts into tears. like.

Gildor (AN ELF) calling Frodo ELF FRIEND. ITS TOO CUTE.

Frodo, in elvish: Thanks for the food :). The Elves: HERE IS A JEWEL AMONG HOBBITS

Pippin just flat out saying he didn't want to leave Frodo any food but Sam insisted.

Frodo, about who's taking a bath first: "Eldest or Quickest first? You'll be last either way PIPPIN." GEE

Pippin, talking about Sam: He would jump down a dragons throat to save you, if he did not trip over his own feet." GEE

The ridiculous bath song. And it's Bilbos favorite. Of course it's ridiculous if it was Bilbos favorite.

Gandalf, writing in a letter to Frodo: If he forgets, I shall roast him. Frodo, four seconds later: He deserves roasting.

Sam getting mad at Ferny or someone and throwing an apple at him. AND AFTER IT KNOCKS THE IDIOT FERNY SQUARE IN THE FACE AND HE FALLS DOWN CURSING SAM JUST GOES "Waste of a good apple." AND KEEPS WALKING.

Sam, an intellectual: "What do they live on when they can't get hobbit?" AND REFUSED TO CALL THEM THEIR ACTUAL NAME AND JUST CALLS THEM 'NEEKERBREEKERS' BECAUSE ITS THE SOUND THEY MAKE

They found the trolls from The Hobbit. About the middle of Chapter 12, Flight to the Ford. The whole group thought they were real until they saw they were actually stone.

Frodo, after discovering more about Sam: "He'll end up by becoming a wizard - or a warrior!" Sam: "I don't want to be neither." OF COURSE YOU DON'T YOU JUST WANNA LIVE IN THE SHIRE AND GARDEN ALL YOUR LIFE. OH SAM.

TFotR - Book 2

At the very beginning of chapter 1 - PF COURSE SAM WAS ALWAYS THERE AND OF COURSE HE HAD TO BE TOLD TO GO AWAY AND REST. YOU ADORABLE LITTLE SHIT.

Frodo calling the Big People 'Big and rather stupid' Accurate though.

Sam holding Frodo's hand and then blushing and thEN JUST SAYS 'It's warm! Meaning your hand, Mr. Frodo. It has felt so cold through the long nights!" SAM YOU GAY LITTLE SHIT I LOVE YOU.

Aragorn: Gollum is safely kept by the Elves of Mirkwood. Legolas: *sweats*

Elrond, to Sam: "It is hardly possible to separate you from him (Frodo) even when he is summoned to a secret council and you are not!" Sam, blushing (ITS SAYS IT IN THE BOOK THE LAST SENTENCES OF COUNCIL OF ELROND): "A nice pickle we have ourselves in, Mr. Frodo!" Me: Does Samwise is gay? Does SamwISE IS GAY??

Pippin, hasn't even done anything remotely wrong yet: "There must be someone with intelligence in this party!" Gandalf: "Then you most certainly won't be chosen, Peregrin Took!" Pippin: D:

Gimli: "His (Sauruman's) arm has grown long indeed if he can draw snow down from the north to trouble us here three hundred leagues away." Gandalf, channeling his inner sassy bitch(bilbo): "His arm has grown long."

>TBC im not even close to being done yet< ^^

[astridhoff03]

Iron Flame - Review

Burn. It. Down. Indeed. No, but I really enjoy the second part of the Fourth Wing Saga Even though I have to forgive Rebecca Yarros that she killed one my favorite Characters. The only thing I criticize is that the Love story is in both books to much. And there’s pointless smut also, which for me personally doesn’t feel like a real romantic-releationship more like a physical one. People will I hate me if I say that, but I don’t care about Xaden Riorson. I couldn't form an emotional connection with him because when I look at him I’m just seeing Rhysand and Darkling again. And the Darkling and Rhysand are similar but are characterwise very different, Xaden is a decent character but he doesn’t have what grabbed me when I read about Rhysand or the Darkling. But there are more things I really like then dislike, Violet for example she’s still a very good protagonist and I like the things she’s going trough trough out the book. It’s always interesting with her because she’s smart but also really caring. Some people compare her to Hiccup from httyd, I get they are similar, but I think personally that Hiccup is more complex and more relatable than Violet, don’t get me wrong she’s cool but doesn’t stick out that much, than Hiccup, Celaena, Feyre, Nesta, Zoya or Inej does. As I said before I don’t really care about her Relationship with Xaden that much, don’t get me wrong I like Love-Stories and Romantic stuff in books as in movies very much but at some points I had the feeling that Violet was over focused on Xaden. I know there life’s where attached to each other thanks to their Dragons, but even Feyre from ACTOR wasn’t that over focused on her mate or want to fuck him before a fucking War starts. Their Relationship is definitely the weakest part of the book and should be more in the background, I think that would’ve done overall great story wonders. The political stuff and the Dragon stuff is actually more interesting. Maybe the other three books will get me invested in Xadens Character, if it’s not his Perspective. Apropos Dragons I have to give credit to Tairn and Andarna, they were fantastic. I also really like that we see the see more of the releationship Violet has with her Dragons. But overall I have to confess I like the Dragons from httyd much more, they feel more real. I also really Love Violet and Sloanes relationship near the end, I just wished Violet would be more of a Mentor figure maybe some kind of a sister for Sloane when they resolved their conflict. Syrena and Cat I also liked, but Cat was a bitch until the end happen. But I like that Violet and her now accept each other. I just wish the side characters weren’t that blend. You know very little about them. The political that was going on was also very interesting, Navarre is a very fascinating Kingdom. The ending is very dramatic with Violets Mom sacrificing herself. Sorry but Idk why but I would’ve leave it with this ending instead of Xaden again and his red eyes and the whole scene with Jack. But overall I can recommend it, it’s enjoyable but I personally prefer the first book more. I also never saw so many roasting Videos on YouTube that for 2 hours straight. I mean yeah the Emperyean Series is a little overrated but it has potential and Rebecca Yarros is talented, the only thing that holds the Books a little back is the relationship between Xaden and Violet and also Xaden. But I wish Rebecca Yarros still the best, because I know writing, figuring out where the plot goes, plant Plottwits in it and at the same time make the characters complex and compelling is hard work. But if I were her, I would have waited a little longer to develop and figure more things out and get more feedback.

[fluffypotatey]

Hi! Me again. Do you have any headcanons about the JTTW gang? I'd LOVE to hear all of them: the fluff, the funny, and the angsty. How did you think Tripitaka found SWK when he's inside the mountain itself instead of under it, and why? Why did Ao Lie reveal himself in his human for to the two at the bridge? In the book the trio met Zhu Bajie when the father of the the pig's wife requested their help to bring his daughter back, it even referenced this in the game, but in the flashback they met at Zhu Bajie's food stall where it seems like Trip was complaining about the food to the chef. How do you think the showdown between Sha Wujing and the quartet went down in this verse? Who do you think Wujing challenged first?

hey! sorry i'm replying to these a day late T^T

so imma assume you meant the jttw gang in the context of lmk bc any headcanons of them within the book is a tough one for me bc i'm still reading through it and trying to differentiate between what's a translation issue and what's "canon" is a time :)

anyway,

i think i mentioned this before, but i love the idea of Sun Wukong finding comfort in Tripitaka and Ao Lie out of the rest of the companions post-journey. like if he were ever in a slump or feeling overwhelmed he would go to them (or they would reach out to him if they notice swk being less chipper and talkative). i think even before Wukong's isolation, he would not go out and visit people as often, mostly keep to his friends and allies (how many few they were now).

also, Ao Lie would take Wukong on so many trips into the city just as an excuse to hang out and give swk a chance to be outside. i have an inkling that Ao Lie is the type to get lost or accidentally find himself in a precarious situation that swk would have to help him from (taking a wrong turn and finding himself face-to-face with a gang or something for example, and, being the conservative warrior he is, Ao Lie would not fight them or anything). one of Ao Lie's favorite places would be the city's theater districts because it was the most colorful, and Wukong would allow the dragon to drag him along anyway, past memories be damned.

with Tripitaka, i think Wukong enjoys making playful jabs at the monk for funsies. when they were originally acquainted, these jabs were more hurtful and condescending and aggravated the monk to no end. now tho, the jabs are in good fun, and Tripitaka's sighs are more jovial than exasperated. (though he does have times when the exasperation does come bc Wukong is nothing if not a monkey hell-bent on mischief, and Tripitaka always seems to be the guy he calls to help bail him out. out of love of course.) and given that i am a "Tripitaka and Sun Wukong's relationship wasn't abusive" truther, i like to believe that both monkey and monk view their relationship as something that resembles familial and brotherly.

Wukong and Zhu Baije i headcanon as rivals to friends who are still rivals but now care for each other deeply. they will shit-talk each other, they will get into spats, they will threaten to murder the other ("roast pork-let on a stick" and "make their own monkey pelt skirt"), they will give Tripitaka and Sandy/Sha Wujing the worst of headaches but it's with love <3

Wukong and Sha Wujing are comedian buddies. i am so sure about this, the pregnancy chapter confirmed it to me. Wukong told me himsel-

but enough about my opinions about their alleged relationships in th lmk context....for le questions!!!

well, from what i remember, Ao Lie first introduced himself as, and to quote Red from OSP, "an enormous fuck-you dragon" before changing shape into his human form. so, probably during his little skirmish with Wukong (+ Tripitaka hiding behind a rock), he realized that the two were supposed to be his companions on the journey, and switched up real fast to show them that he's actually friendly!

i do think it's interesting how Zhu Baije's story is different 👀 i'm guessing they changed it to show some similarity to Pigsy and his ancestor? so the reference we saw in the game could have just been an in-book easter egg??? i honestly don't know why they changed that, but it is funny to think that Zhu Baije was a cook who met the gang when he captured Tripitaka so that his business could boom with serving specialized, holy monk meat 😂 i can, like, imagine Wukong busting down the doors of Zhu baije's "restaurant" demanding that he give the demon his monk back lmao (but that also adds another bit of confusion bc Zhu Baije was chosen by Guanyin, Goddess of Mercy, to be one of the pilgrims for the journey, so he should have recognized that the monk he wanted to eat was the monk he was supposed to protect? unless in lmk, Guanyin didn't go out and choose companions for Tripitaka?????)

now for the showdown with Sha Wujing, i bet 100 bucks that the order of fights went like this:

Sha Wujing asks/demands which if the four would fight him to be called the "strongest demon of all,"

Wukong opts for going bc he's the fucking Monkey King™️,

Zhu Baije says fuck that bc he is NOT gonna let the monkey show off again,

Zhu Baije loses, Wukong offers to help (not really, he did that to piss the pig off) & Baije tells him to fuck off,

Baije loses 3-5 times later, tripitaka pleads for the pig demon to stop and just "let the monkey do it, dear Buddha,"

Wukong rolls up his sleeves,

Sha Wujing laughs and calls Wukong puny,

Sha Wujing is pomelled to the ground without breaking a sweat,

Baije complains that he helped weaken the river demon for Wukong

exactly like that, yeah

[horizon-verizon]

Green stans have a lot of hilarious takes but the funniest thing to come out of HOTD is saying that Visenya would be team Green. When I first saw this I genuinely thought it was a joke.

Do they even know that Visenya hated the Faith of the Seven and was seconds away from burning down Oldtown, the seat of house Hightower ??

“You are a fool and a weakling, nephew. Do you think any man would ever have dared speak so to your father ? You have a dragon. Use him. Fly to Oldtown and make this Starry Sept another Harrenhal. Or give me leave, and let me roast this pious fool for you.” — The Sons of the Dragon.

“There, Visenya counseled him to take his dragons and bring fire and blood to both the Starry Sept and the Sept of Remembrance.” — The World of Ice and Fire

Okay, Maegor was a usurper, a usurper who followed his mother's path but he also HAD AN INTERNAL WAR WITH THE FAITH. He executed Grand Maester Gawen for protesting his claim to the throne, burned down the Sept of Remembrance and the Warrior’s Sons. Visenya burned down the seats of House Blanetree, House Terrick, House Deddings, House Lychester, and House Wayn because they sided with the Faith. Then, Visenya and Maegor fled to Oldtown, threatening to burn down the city, but didn’t do it since the High Septon mysteriously died. Visenya was Maegor’s most faithful support all along his reign, she played a major role as a mentor and adviser to her son.

Also, Visenya was said to have been a sorceress. The anti-magic Citadel was originally created by the Hightowers so why would she support them ???

*EDITED POST* (4/15/24)

*shrug* Anything for their raping, genocidal favs, I guess.

Also, Visenya purposefully supported Maegor because she truly thought that Aenys was too much of a people-pleasing, weak king after all she and her siblings did to conquer and rule the kingdom. She thought Maegor's assertiveness and totally opposite personality were what their dynasty needed, and she ignored the red flags out of a mixed perception made of love and necessity. to say that she hated Aenys is a bit of a stretch. She still took care of him when he fell ill out of the stress he made for himself by being way too lenient. which show she had no real ill will towards him or Aegon (his her and son), but that she saw an opportunity for herself and Maegor AND believed that only them could ensure the dynasty's future.

She was wrong. Maegor's heavier hand did seem at first to be needed for the Seven...but it obviously didn't work. They rather were more and more diligent and determined to come back in droves and he more martyred them than eliminated them. He was way too brutal and violent, seemingly thinking that he needed to keep his own wives and blood relatives in line through rape, torture, and violence....which isolated him form them and divided the dynasty....which is neve good for a dynasty.

Which is probably why you can see a steady decline in Visenya towards her death. It appeared she had great regrets ("Sons of the Dragon"):

Unlike Maegor, Visenya knew when to be diplomatic but also be effectively threatening AND not overpower those who she needed to collaborate with (how she dealt with the Vale; her partnership with her siblings).

[istumpysk]

Operation Stumpy Re-Read

ADWD: The Spurned Suitor (Quentyn III) [Chapter 60]

"Let him [Beans] think what he wants, so long as he delivers the message," said Quentyn.

"He'll do that much. I'll wager you get your meeting too, if only so Rags can have Pretty Meris cut your liver out and fry it up with onions. We should be heeding Selmy. When Barristan the Bold tells you to run, a wise man laces up his boots. We should find a ship for Volantis whilst the port is still open."

It's not enough for him to die. I need his reputation destroyed as well.

+.+.+

Volantis, Quentyn thought. Then Lys, then home. Back the way I came, empty-handed. Three brave men dead, for what?

Let your father ask himself these questions.

Will Daenerys be making those same stops? Maybe.

+.+.+

His father would speak no word of rebuke, Quentyn knew, but the disappointment would be there in his eyes. His sister would be scornful, the Sand Snakes would mock him with smiles sharp as swords, and Lord Yronwood, his second father, who had sent his own son along to keep him safe …

It's not clear to me that he's wrong, which is unfortunate.

+.+.+

"It is still not too late to abandon this folly," Gerris said, as they made their way down a foetid alley toward the old spice market. The smell of piss was in the air, and they could hear the rumble of a corpse cart's iron-rimmed wheels off ahead. "Old Bill Bone used to say that Pretty Maris could stretch out a man's dying for a moon's turn. We lied to them, Quent. Used them to get us here, then went over to the Stormcrows."

"As we were commanded."

"Tatters never meant for us to do it for real, though," put in the big man. "His other boys, Ser Orson and Dick Straw, Hungerford, Will of the Woods, that lot, they're still down in some dungeon thanks to us. Old Rags can't have liked that much."

We talk about how insane attempting to tame a dragon is, but how about this?

The Tattered Prince's men are locked in dungeons because of Quentyn, and now Quentyn wants to meet with him after lying and deserting.

I swear to god this kid wants to die.

+.+.+

"No," Prince Quentyn said, "but he likes gold."

Gerris laughed. "A pity we have none. Do you trust this peace, Quent? I don't. Half the city is calling the dragonslayer a hero, and the other half spits blood at the mention of his name."

I'm confident these freedman will regret advocating for dragons.

+.+.+

"Harzoo," the big man said.

Quentyn frowned. "His name was Harghaz."

"Hizdahr, Humzum, Hagnag, what does it matter? I call them all Harzoo. He was no dragonslayer. All he did was get his arse roasted black and crispy."

"He was brave." Would I have the courage to face that monster with nothing but a spear?

Harghaz was brave.

Quentyn is foolish.

+.+.+

Gerris put a hand on Quentyn's shoulder. "Even if the queen returns, she'll still be married."

"Not if I give King Harzoo a little smack with my hammer," suggested the big man.

"Hizdahr," said Quentyn. "His name is Hizdahr."

"One kiss from my hammer and no one will care what his name was," said Arch.

They do not see. His friends had lost sight of his true purpose here. The road leads through her, not to her. Daenerys is the means to the prize, not the prize itself. "'The dragon has three heads,' she said to me. 'My marriage need not be the end of all your hopes,' she said. 'I know why you are here. For fire and blood.' I have Targaryen blood in me, you know that. I can trace my lineage back—"

He is entirely responsible for his own stupid decisions, but it's silly to pretend she had no influence.

+.+.+

"Fuck your lineage," said Gerris. "The dragons won't care about your blood, except maybe how it tastes. You cannot tame a dragon with a history lesson. They're monsters, not maesters. Quent, is this truly what you want to do?"

"This is what I have to do. For Dorne. For my father. For Cletus and Will and Maester Kedry."

"They're dead," said Gerris. "They won't care."

[...]

"No doubt. But that was not my question. Men's lives have meaning, not their deaths. I loved Will and Cletus too, but this will not bring them back to us. This is a mistake, Quent. You cannot trust in sellswords."

Gerris Drinkwater is a great character.

Barristan Selmy, wrong again.

If this one had been the prince, things might have gone elsewise, he could not help but think … but there was something a bit too pleasant about Drinkwater for his taste. False coin, the old knight thought. He had known such men before. - The Discarded Knight, ADWD

+.+.+

"They are men like any other men. They want gold, glory, power. That's all I am trusting in." That, and my own destiny. I am a prince of Dorne, and the blood of dragons is in my veins.

Maybe he's right? He does appear to suffer from Targaryen Delusion.

He's losing me.

+.+.+

At this hour the house was less than half full. A few of the patrons favored the Dornishmen with looks bored or hostile or curious. The rest were crowded around the pit at the far end of the room, where a pair of naked men were slashing at each other with knives whilst the watchers cheered them on.

I'm going to pretend underground pit fighting was happening the entire time it was banned. That tends to be what happens you outlaw things.

Side note, today I learned underground pit fighting also happens in Westeros.

Question (from yours truly) what the hell is with Biter? Is he just a bad guy or is he something more....

George treated us to a never before heard back story of Rorge and Biter.....Rorge ran a dog and bear fighting place in Flea Bottom. Biter was an orphan whom Rorge grabbed up and raised ferally to fight in the pits. (Link)

Bwah!

Barristan Selmy in shambles.

+.+.+

"My ragged raiment?" The Pentoshi gave a shrug. "A poor thing … yet those tatters fill my foes with fear, and on the battlefield the sight of my rags blowing in the wind emboldens my men more than any banner. And if I want to move unseen, I need only slip it off to become plain and unremarkable."

Including in case this becomes relevant later.

+.+.+

Then a door he had not seen before swung open, and an old woman emerged, a shriveled thing in a dark red tokar fringed with tiny golden skulls. Her skin was white as mare's milk, her hair so thin that he could see the scalp beneath. "Dorne," she said, "I be Zahrina. Purple Lotus. Go down here, you find them." She held the door and gestured them through.

Aren't golden skulls a Golden Company thing?

Zahrina tried to buy Tyrion and Jorah in a previous chapter. Is she important? Probably not.

+.+.+

He [The Tattered Prince] gestured at the bench across from him. "Sit. I understand you are a prince. Would that I had known. Will you drink? Zahrina offers food as well. Her bread is stale and her stew is unspeakable. Grease and salt, with a morsel or two of meat. Dog, she says, but I think rat is more likely. It will not kill you, though. I have found that it is only when the food is tempting that one must beware. Poisoners invariably choose the choicest dishes."

I'll keep that in mind for the future.

Daenerys wouldn't know locusts are delectable, but Hizdahr would.

Strong Belwas bellowed, "Locusts!" as he seized the bowl and began to crunch them by the handful.

"Those are very tasty," advised Hizdahr. "You ought to try a few yourself, my love. They are rolled in spice before the honey, so they are sweet and hot at once." - Daenerys IX, ADWD

+.+.+

"I am a prince of Dorne," said Quentyn. "I had a duty to my father and my people. There was a secret marriage pact."

"So I heard. And when the silver queen saw your scrap of parchment she fell into your arms, yes?"

"No," said Pretty Meris.

I have so much secondhand embarrassment right now.

+.+.+

"No? Oh, I recall. Your bride flew off on a dragon. Well, when she returns, do be sure to invite us to your nuptials. The men of the company would love to drink to your happiness, and I do love a Westerosi wedding. The bedding part especially, only … oh, wait …" He turned to Denzo D'han. "Denzo, I thought you told me that the dragon queen had married some Ghiscari."

"A Meereenese nobleman. Rich."

The Tattered Prince turned back to Quentyn. "Could that be true? Surely not. What of your marriage pact?"

"She laughed at him," said Pretty Meris.

Daenerys never laughed. The rest of Meereen might see him as an amusing curiosity, like the exiled Summer Islander King Robert used to keep at King's Landing, but the queen had always spoken to him gently. "We came too late," said Quentyn.

She did laugh, and none of the Dornishmen know what was said afterwards.

"Prince Doran." He sank back onto one knee. "Your Grace, I have the honor to be Quentyn Martell, a prince of Dorne and your most leal subject."

Dany laughed.

The Dornish prince flushed red, whilst her own court and counselors gave her puzzled looks. "Radiance?" said Skahaz Shavepate, in the Ghiscari tongue. "Why do you laugh?"

"They call him frog," she said, "and we have just learned why. In the Seven Kingdoms there are children's tales of frogs who turn into enchanted princes when kissed by their true love." Smiling at the Dornish knights, she switched back to the Common Tongue. "Tell me, Prince Quentyn, are you enchanted?" - Daenerys VII, ADWD

What she said isn't important, it's how it looks.

Quentyn is dead, it's Drinkwater and Yronwood who will tell Doran and/or Arianne what happened.

+.+.+

"Yurkhaz zo Yunzak was the man who hired you."

"He signed our contract on behalf of his city. Just so."

"Meereen and Yunkai have made peace. The siege is to be lifted, the armies disbanded. There will be no battle, no slaughter, no city to sack and plunder."

"Life is full of disappointments."

Over Barristan Selmy's dead body.

+.+.+

"How long do you think the Yunkishmen will want to continue paying wages to four free companies?"

The Tattered Prince took a sip of wine and said, "A vexing question. But this is the way of life for we men of the free companies. One war ends, another begins. Fortunately there is always someone fighting someone somewhere. Perhaps here. Even as we sit here drinking Bloodbeard is urging our Yunkish friends to present King Hizdahr with another head. Freedmen and slavers eye each other's necks and sharpen their knives, the Sons of the Harpy plot in their pyramids, the pale mare rides down slave and lord alike, our friends from the Yellow City gaze out to sea, and somewhere in the grasslands a dragon nibbles the tender flesh of Daenerys Targaryen. Who rules Meereen tonight? Who will rule it on the morrow?" The Pentoshi gave a shrug. "One thing I am certain of. Someone will have need of our swords."

"I have need of those swords. Dorne will hire you."

[...]

"I will pay you part when we reach Volantis, the rest when I am back in Sunspear. We brought gold with us when we set sail, but it would have been hard to conceal once we joined the company, so we gave it over to the banks. I can show you papers."

A very bad idea quickly getting worse.

+.+.+

The Tattered Prince finished his wine, turned the cup over, and set it down between them. "So. Let me see if I understand. A proven liar and oathbreaker wishes to contract with us and pay in promises. And for what services? I wonder. Are my Windblown to smash the Yunkai'i and sack the Yellow City? Defeat a Dothraki khalasar in the field? Escort you home to your father? Or will you be content if we deliver Queen Daenerys to your bed wet and willing? Tell me true, Prince Frog. What would you have of me and mine?"

"I need you to help me steal a dragon."

Caggo Corpsekiller chuckled. Pretty Meris curled her lip in a half-smile. Denzo D'han whistled.

The Tattered Prince only leaned back on his stool and said, "Double does not pay for dragons, princeling. Even a frog should know that much. Dragons come dear. And men who pay in promises should have at least the sense to promise more."

"If you want me to triple—"

"What I want," said the Tattered Prince, "is Pentos."

How is Dorne going to give you Pentos?

Sorry, I've hit a point where I don't remember a single thing that comes next. Is this contract still active?

That seems less than ideal.

Final thoughts:

Call me Boomer Barry, I think I'm ready to leave Meereen.

-> return to menu <-

[scriveyner]

chase forever down 2/31

chase forever down | 2/31 | bungou stray dogs | 👿🐯 | #smarch 🔞| ~3100 words

It took almost a full week for the bruise to fade on its own, which in normal circumstances would have allowed Atsushi all sorts of time to sort through everything that had happened. Of course, he had to turn up to work on Monday only to find out that Dazai had fucked off to parts unknown again, attempt to track him down, get shot at by a bounty (?) hunter (??) who apparently wanted Atsushi’s pelt (???) for some goddamn unknowable reason; and then Dazai had the straight nerve to show back up to work on Friday all perky like Atsushi hadn’t been put through the wringer this week by him, specifically.

Continue on AO3 or:

“I think, perhaps, it would be best if you laid low for a few days, Atsushi,” Kunikida said as he stood by his desk, glancing over Atsushi’s report. His other hand currently had all his weight on it, pinning Dazai’s head to the desk. “Although the bounty hunter is in custody now, and we’ve cleared everything with the government, these things have a way of escalating out of nowhere.”

“Lay low?” Atsushi repeated, because he never thought he could be considered to have a high profile in the first place, pictures of him in the paper notwithstanding.

“He means don’t tear up the streets causing a scene and fighting anyone in particular,” Dazai sang, face smooshed.

Well, laying low would give him time to do a little research in peace, although as far as he could tell there wasn’t any sort of handbook for the situation he was in. To be fair, he hadn’t checked the library to see if “So Your Mortal Enemy/Occasional Partner is a Secret Vampire” had a waiting list.

Anyway, he was fairly certain that vampires weren’t real in the first place, but that made the fact that Akutagawa-goddamn-Ryuunosuke sucked a hickey into his neck even more bizarre.

Atsushi was tempted to ask Dazai about vampires, but still remembered the absolute roasting he got about Godzilla, and kept his mouth shut.

Hey, he’d been in a giant flying whale and been witness to a member of the Port Mafia clocking an entire ability dragon full-on in the face with a skyscraper; a giant radioactive lizard popping up out of the ocean seemed like a fairly ordinary Thursday.

He’d also jerked off in front of Akutagawa-The-Possible-Vampire, and why the fuck did that just pop into his brain out of nowhere. Atsushi adjusted his courier bag, focused gamely on a cold shower, and started on his way home.

It was brilliantly sunny, the sky that perfect shade of blue with the occasional thin cloud on the horizon. It was the sort of afternoon that chased away all thoughts of despair and darkness, and it lifted his mood immensely. He decided to stop by the local shop and get some fresh vegetables, make a nice big meal, and maybe catch up on some of that sleep he’d been missing after the chaos of the past week. No more thoughts about the weirdness in his life, or the fact that thinking about Akutagawa’s eyes made him hornier than shit.

God dammit, he did it again.

Atsushi sighed, added alone time in the bathroom before Kyouka got home to the mental checklist, and headed to the grocer.

=====

Atsushi was deciding between two packages of meat when he saw a flash of red out of the corner of his eye that drew his attention. He glanced over to see a Rashomon head pluck a similar package out of the cooler beside him and withdraw back. Atsushi followed the Rashomon tendril to its origin, staring at Akutagawa dressed in his usual civilian clothes, dark shades and all, as he walked right past Atsushi without acknowledging him once, shopping basket in hand.

His stomach did a little flip and he snarled mentally at certain body parts to fucking behave as he left his basket on the floor and hurried after Akutagawa. “Hey!”

Akutagawa paused and glanced back over his shoulder at Atsushi, eyes shadowed completely by the glasses. “You,” Atsushi jabbed his finger at Akutagawa. “You’re a vampire!”

There was a long, long pause.

Atsushi became increasingly aware that they were in the middle of a crowded supermarket, and other customers were giving them both a significant side-eye as they passed. Akutagawa turned fully around, staring down Atsushi all the while.

“You’re an idiot,” Akutagawa said and turned to leave.

Honestly, Atsushi had expected this reveal to be a little more melodramatic than it was. It was the middle of the day, they were now outside the supermarket that was several blocks away from his place of work, and he had been the exact opposite of geared up for this confrontation.

He’d been buying dinner, for god’s sake.

Akutagawa stood in the shadow of the building, leaned back against the alley wall and arms folded as he watched Atsushi pace in front of him. He’d been remarkably accommodating in allowing Atsushi to drag him out of the building, he’d fully expected a fight, but Akutagawa simply loudly expressed his opinion of Atsushi’s mental prowess to anyone in shouting distance.

So, Akutagawa in daylight. This was already a point against the Vampire Theory, as it was still broad fucking daylight—lurking in the shadows of the building notwithstanding, as Akutagawa was a lurker by nature—and he had yet to even sizzle, never mind burst into flames.

Atsushi rubbed the spot on his neck where the mostly faded bruise still sat. “You’re a vampire,” he reiterated, with less dramatic flair, and once again Akutagawa made a noise of derision, staring at Atsushi over the rims of the dark, not-quite-sunglasses he usually wore in a small attempt to mask his identity.

A point for the “Definitely a Vampire” column, those mysterious dark glasses. He only wore them during the day, too, that Atsushi had seen…protection against the sunlight? But he was out in the sun. And he’d seen Akutagawa in daylight many, many times, all without the benefit of the dark glasses. Well. Point still sitting in the Vampire column, pending approval.

“Idiot,” Akutagawa sniffed. “Remind me why I’m entertaining your nonsense again today?”

“You are a vampire,” Atsushi insisted again, stopping in his tracks, arms folded. “You attacked me out of the blue! Don’t laugh. And you bit me.”

“Do you actually believe vampires are real, weretiger? You pulled me from my errands to make me listen to you ramble like a madman about fiction.”

“I’m not rambling!”

Akutagawa arched a brow, and Atsushi turned on his heel to pace again. “You bit me and sucked my blood!”

“Are you certain you didn’t just hit your head?”

“I have a bruise!”

Akutagawa appeared unimpressed, as Atsushi turned and yanked his collar down, displaying the now-faded, yellowish splotch on his neck. “I have no interest in your sexual conquests as such, weretiger. Are we through?”

“No, we are not through. Explain to me why your eyes turned red, and why you bit me, if you’re not a vampire.”

Akutagawa tilted his head. Looking over his glasses at Atsushi, Atsushi could see his eyes glimmering slightly in the shadows, that same reddish hue. Then Akutagawa said in that same tone that had haunted his dreams for the past week, “we are through here.”

Atsushi stared at him in response, and Akutagawa pushed his glasses back up his nose, straightening as if preparing to leave. “And where do you think you’re going?” Atsushi asked, angrily, and Akutagawa paused, a clear look of confusion crossing his features. “Did you not hear me? We aren’t done.”

The weird, vocal modulation in Akutagawa’s voice sent a frisson of electricity down Atsushi’s spine, pulling something tight in his gut again, but he suppressed the shiver. Akutagawa stared at him strangely, and said, “we’re done.”

“And that,” Atsushi waved his hand at Akutagawa. “That weird voice thing. That’s a vampire thing too, isn’t it? Some kind of,” he wobbled his hand slightly, “Jedi mind trick type thing? I can tell what you’re doing now, so it doesn’t work. And you are,” holy shit, Akutagawa really was, he wasn’t making this up in his head, “a vampire!”

Akutagawa was flat-out staring at him now, like he was a puzzle that Akutagawa couldn’t solve. “Why doesn’t it work on you?”

Atsushi took two large steps back, suddenly struck by the fact that Akutagawa was a goddamn real vampire and he didn’t know what he was supposed to do now, because they were out in daylight and vampires were supposed to catch on fire.

Well, at least this meant he didn’t have to worry about pulling his punches going forward.

Akutagawa seemed to realize what his reaction meant all at once. “I am not—” he began, a snarl in his voice, but Atsushi’s voice overrode his.

“I can’t believe you’re a goddamn shit-sucking vampire.” He’d made it to the other wall of the alley, his back flush to the brick, and was eying his exit route. “How long has this been going on? Does anyone else know? Have you killed anyone? Okay, that was a stupid question, but have you killed anyone as a vampire—?”

“SHUT UP,” Akutagawa roared, his voice crackling with energy.

Atsushi winced at the volume but was otherwise undeterred. “I will not—!”

Well, he still moved faster than Rashomon.

Atsushi bounced off the side of the building, kicking the Rashomon tendril away. Akutagawa seemed to move faster than his own ability again, catching Atsushi by the shoulder in mid-air and turning him, landing on top of him hard enough that the concrete beneath them cracked. Atsushi hurled him off, twisting, and Rashomon caught up, wrapping around his leg before he could properly defend and then they were both airborne, Atsushi winged around like a fish on a line and was unable to gain any real purchase.

He dangled by his ankle, five stories up, while Akutagawa stood crouched on the concrete lip that ringed the building just below the roof. “If I were a vampire, idiot weretiger, do you really think I would be wandering around in broad daylight?”

Oh, he better not be able to read minds, too. Atsushi bent double, trying to get at the single tendril of Rashomon around his ankle with his claws. “Maybe if you didn’t try to mess with my mind!”

The tendril shook him violently enough that he lost progress and hung for a second, head spinning. “You keep coming to the most ridiculous conclusions.”

“I wouldn’t have to come to ridiculous conclusions if you didn’t fucking lie to me!”

Akutagawa hauled him up enough so that they were eye to eye, although Atsushi was well out of swiping range for the moment. “When have I lied to you?”

Atsushi stared at him, then pointed with one tiger claw. “You. Are. A. VAMPIRE.”

He doubled up and got both his hands around the Rashomon tendril, shredding the ability in his claws. Before Atsushi could even begin to consider how he was going to handle the five-story drop, several more Rashomon tendrils shot out at him and Atsushi swung around, caught on a broad one with the pad of his foot, and used it to launch himself at Akutagawa.

Akutagawa stood up to face him, eyes a brilliant, glowing red behind his glasses. “STOP,” he roared, and Atsushi felt the word vibrate in his muscles and bone but didn’t even hesitate, spring-boarding off a Rashomon tendril and catching Akutagawa by the front of his dark coat, flipping them both up over and onto the roof properly.

Akutagawa landed on his feed, sliding on the rough pitch, and Atsushi landed in a crouch with bared teeth. “I’m going to bite you, see how much you like it!”

They stared at each other, chests heaving in near unison, the unearthly red glow finally starting to fade from Akutagawa’s eyes. “No, really, why the fuck doesn’t that work on you, anymore?”

“Your weird voice thing?” Atsushi swiped the back of his hand over his cheek, smearing the blood from where Rashomon just nicked him coming up over the edge of the roof. Akutagawa’s expression froze, eyes locked on Atsushi’s face, and Atsushi pointed at him, victorious. “Ha! Vampire!”

Akutagawa tilted his head back and stared at the sky for a second, while dragging his hand down his face, and then he finally gave up. “Fine,” he said, sounding thoroughly harassed.

Atsushi rose from his crouch, giving Akutagawa a wary look. “Fine?”

“You win, weretiger. I am a vampire. Are you happy?”

Atsushi blinked at him, not expecting capitulation in any form. “Uh.”

“No one was meant to know. Especially not you.” Akutagawa stalked forward, eyes glimmering like they were going to change colors but stayed that nebulous shade of gray. Atsushi took a step back and realized suddenly he had nowhere else to go when the back of his leg hit the edge of the roof and he stopped dead, eyes wide.

“What’s the matter?” Akutagawa asked, stopping just in front of him. “Now you’re scared of me?”

“I’m not scared of you,” Atsushi said because he wasn’t, but his body seemed to think otherwise. Akutagawa’s hand darted out, catching his chin, and turned Atsushi’s head.

“Since you’re in the know, now,” he breathed and licked the blood from Atsushi’s cheek.

Atsushi froze in place. Akutagawa’s tongue felt like lightning, warm and sharp, and he gulped air, limbs trembling. Just like that, he was hard. No, no no no no no, he thought desperately, as Akutagawa swiped his thumb over the area of the cut, but by now the flesh had already sealed over the wound.

“I hate how fucking good you taste,” Akutagawa rumbled, face still too close. “It’s not normal.”

There was something about his voice now that was resonating to Atsushi’s core. It didn’t sound any different than normal, and it certainly wasn’t that weird tone he had been trying on him earlier, but Atsushi’s breath went short and his head went fuzzy.

The corner of Akutagawa’s mouth turned up into a smirk. “Ah. There it is.”

Atsushi swallowed hard and shook his head free of Akutagawa’s hand, and Akutagawa drew back. He pushed the palm of his hand over his cheek but it came away dry, and he looked back at Akutagawa, who was now, once again, at a safe distance. “Is that it?”

The question seemed to perplex Akutagawa. “What?”

“So, you’re a vampire and you’re going to, what, lick my cheek? What the fuck did you do to me?” Atsushi shifted his stance angrily, resisting the urge to shove his hands down his pants this time. “Don’t start what you can’t fucking finish.” He tilted his jaw back and bared his throat challengingly, and Akutagawa’s eyes glimmered again.

“You don’t know what you’re offering,” he said, softly, and Atsushi spread his hands.

“How many people have you killed like this?”

The question seemed to amuse him. Rashomon rippled across his shoulders, a faint red glimmer in the sunlight, and Akutagawa tilted his head, looking at Atsushi again through his dark shades. “Fear not, weretiger. I have kept true to our accords. Yours is the only blood I intend to spill…if I feel often enough, I never have to take a life.”

Akutagawa on him, teeth bared under the moonlight flitted through Atsushi’s mind unbidden. “And what happens if you don’t feed often enough?”

The look on Akutagawa’s face told him enough, and he jerked his chin again. “Fine. Don’t feed on anyone else. Don’t harm anyone else. You have me, you want to spill my blood? You can have it.”

Akutagawa looked away, hand clenched over his mouth and breathing hard. “What’s the matter?” Atsushi challenged. “I thought you said my blood tasted good—?”

He wasn’t fast enough to see Akutagawa move, but there was suddenly a hand on his shoulder and the other on his face, tilting his head away as Akutagawa’s fangs sank into his neck, atop the previous, yellowed bruise. Atsushi gasped and staggered, but Akutagawa caught him as he collapsed, lowering him far gentler, sitting him back against the concrete lip that bordered the edge of the roof.

Akutagawa’s mouth was still on his skin, and he shifted, knee pressed between Atsushi’s spread legs. There was no way he couldn’t feel how hard Atsushi was, or the wet spot that was beginning to appear on the front of his pants and Atsushi panted, everything gone in a haze of pleasure. He was so warm, and light-headed, and when Akutagawa finally, finally lifted his mouth his breath felt like fire on Atsushi’s skin.

“You’ll be mine,” he breathed, tongue brushing over the torn flesh, Atsushi’s skin knitting whole, “and only mine?”

“Oh, fuck,” Atsushi whimpered, so hard he could think of nothing but touch. Akutagawa rumbled and pressed his knee into Atsushi’s crotch, watching him choke. Then he seemed to take pity on him, shifting enough that he was kneeling between Atsushi’s spread legs, fingers pulling at the waist of his trousers. Atsushi gazed at him blearily, and Akutagawa slipped his hand down the front of Atsushi’s pants.

Oh. Oh, Akutagawa’s hand was on his cock right now.

Atsushi’s head went back, eyes unfocused as Akutagawa palmed his trapped erection, fingers curling around his girth. He rubbed his thumb over its leaking head but made no effort to free him from his pants to bother with stroking him properly. “Just a little taste,” he murmured. “Don’t want to reward you too handsomely for being a stubborn little shit, weretiger.”

Panting aloud, Atsushi clung to his coat, held tilted back, and came anyway.

Akutagawa yanked his hand out of Atsushi’s messed pants and stared at him as Atsushi slumped back against the concrete, breathing hard. He ended up wiping his hand clean on Atsushi’s untucked shirt, and then plucked Atsushi’s phone out of his pocket while Atsushi lay, blissed out, in place.

“If I text you,” Akutagawa said, typing something into Atsushi’s phone, “you will show up.”

He was doing the weird voice thing again, it sank into Atsushi’s bones and simmered there. Atsushi moaned, and Akutagawa dropped his phone in his lap. Then he stood, dusted off his knees, and inclined his head in a small bow. “Thank you for the meal.”

That said, Akutagawa stepped up over the lip of the roof, next to Atsushi’s head, and vanished over the side. Atsushi exhaled a small laugh, pushed his hand back through his hair, and looked down at his mess, all over his clothing.

Fuck, what had he just gotten himself into?

<< Chapter 1 || Chapter 3 >>

[p-artsypants]

No, You Go First (6)

Ao3 | FF.net

The rest of the winter felt like a dream. The dragons were gone for the season, off for warmer climates, and the town was free from raids in the meantime. It seemed like people were slowly coming around to Astrid’s failure in the ring. They began smiling at her again, and she could mostly conduct business with the stall vendors as normal. 

Astrid and Hiccup did spend a lot of time together, in between chores, working at the forge, and spending time with Toothless. They never quite had the freedom to return to the hayloft, but they often shared knowing looks. Brief kisses were shared in the cove or up in the sky, never in town. These moments of intimacy were theirs, and theirs alone. No viking tradition would dictate what speed this relationship would go. 

As for Toothless, he seemingly didn’t mind staying in the cove, especially with the addition of Stoick’s hut. The weather in the cove was more mild, thanks to the tall walls. Everytime Hiccup returned to the cove, the dragon had another fort built. And by fort, I mean a mound of snow that was tunneled out so Toothless could hide in it.  

Hiccup’s study sessions with Toothless weren’t yielding as much new information, but their connection grew stronger. Some days Hiccup tinkered with his tail, and sometimes they just flew and explored. 

This evening Hiccup sat by the fire, protected from the wind by Stoick’s shack. He roasted his dinner, a fish on a stick, while Toothless ate his own meal. 

HORK HORK BORFF 

Toothless upchucked half a fish for his boy. 

“Uh, no thanks, I’m good.” Hiccup laughed.

A flock of Terrible Terrors, perhaps the only on the island that hadn’t migrated, came out to try to pilfer the stash of fish Hiccup had. 

Toothless wasn’t having it.

Hiccup watched with amusement as the tiny dragons tried to sneak a fish, only for Toothless to swipe it back with a growl. One brave dragon inhaled deeply to attempt to blow a fireball, only for Toothless to puff a small flame in its mouth, making it burp out its smoke and saunter away dazed. 

“Huh, not so fireproof on the inside…”   

“Ah! There you are, son!” Stoick called from the entrance to the cove.

Winter meant that most people were spending time inside. This meant less drama for Stoick, and more time for him to get his actual duties done. By sunset, he was done for the day, and took a hike out to the cove. 

“Hey dad.”

Stoick stepped around the flock of Terrors, not as keen on them, and gave Toothless a fond pat on the snout. “Keeping busy, lad?”

“More or less. You know, I always assumed that the dragons migrated because they got sick of snow, but Toothless plays in it. I wonder what the real reason is? I wonder where they go?”

“They move to be someone else’s problem.” Stoick said, rather callously. Then added, “no offense, Toothless.” 

The dragon rolled his eyes and smacked his gums. 

“You’re right though. It's a good thing we get a break now. What a disaster it would be if they raided and accidently set the store room on fire!” 

“Aye. We had a hard enough year storing up rations.”

“Even with the eels?” Hiccup winced. 

“Don’t get me wrong, the eels helped! We just had a poor harvest this year.” 

Hiccup frowned, then tried, “imagine how helpful dragons could be with farming? Twice the power of an ox!”

“You’re getting ahead of yourself again, son. Find a way to stop the raids, then you can brainstorm all the ways to get the village to accept dragons.” 

Hiccup sighed. “The second one is easier though! We don’t even know why they raid! Or where they go! Look, Toothless eats fish, almost exclusively. He eats a lot, but he’d certainly be able to catch it all on his own in the wild. And even when he joined the raids…” He turned to look at Toothless, and scratched under his chin. “I wish you could just talk and tell us everything, bud.” 

“Aye, that would be the easiest way, hmm? But if dragons could talk, we would have solved this problem generations ago.”

“Yeah…”

“But, son.” Stoick rested a hand on his shoulder. “You’re the first to get this far. I know you’ll figure it out.” 

Hiccup clenched his fist. “I really hope you’re right.” 

Stoick just rubbed his head with a little smirk and settled into his chair by the fire. Hiccup watched him, noticing the look on his face. It was a different sort of smile, one he hadn’t seen his father show before. 

“Why are you so smug?” 

Stoick grinned wider. “Well, not to toot my own horn…but I made an observation of my own.” 

“Wait, what? Observation? You mean you discovered something about dragons?” 

“I did, as a matter of fact! The other day, you were working late in the forge. I came out here and sat for a while…and noticed this.” Stoick took hold of a large stick in the fire, and pulled it out. The end was mostly embers, with a tiny flame. He stood and brought it over in front of Toothless and the Terrors. They all watched. 

Stoick slowly waved the stick around, making a figure eight in the air. The Dragons all crooned softly as their pupils dilated. 

“Whoa…they’re totally hypnotized.” 

“Dragons like fire…who knew?”

They took turns waving the stick around, making the dragons sing with a pleasant tune. It was kind of adorable. Finally, when the embers burned out, the dragons gave a little shake and went back to normal. 

“That has to be useful, somehow,” Hiccup mused. 

Stoick snorted. “Next dragon raid, we lull the beasts into a state of peace and then whip out the eels and send them scattering.” 

“You joke, but that was what I was working on!” 

Stoick laughed, but then became somber. “Something you said bothered me, son. Why they raid. I had never thought about it before. I guess I had always assumed they were lazy and wanted an easy meal. But they come together, all at once, and all types of dragons, even those that shouldn’t get along.” He looked over to where the Terrible Terrors were harassing Toothless again. He took it in stride, and simply smacked them away when they got too close. 

“It’s almost like the dragons coordinate an attack,” Hiccup mused. “I mean, it’s not that surprising, Toothless is very smart.” 

I am, aren’t I? Toothless crooned. 

“Perhaps then, when the weather is better, you and I could look into it more.” Stoick suggested. 

“Like how?”

“Like, on Toothless. We haven’t had any luck from the boats. Maybe flying is the key.”

Hiccup wasn’t sure he liked that idea, but relented. “It’s worth a shot.”

—--

When spring arrived, it was like waking from the dream. The green grass and spring flowers were still a few months off, and for now, spring meant rain, mud, and gray. 

Once the snow had slightly melted, the dragon raids began again. And the first one was a nightmare. Everyone scrambled to find eels to fend them off, but there were none to be found. The eels had their own winter migration, and hadn’t returned to be caught. 

“How could you do this to us?!” 

“You let this happen! This is all your fault!” 

“I lost three of my sheep! I only have three left!” 

“My house was destroyed!” 

Hiccup stood in the midst of very angry Vikings, all violently yelling and shoving him around. 

“I didn’t—of course I wasn’t—p-please just listen—I’m so sorry…” 

Right before he could burst into tears, Stoick yelled over the crowd. “THAT’S ENOUGH!” 

The crowd settled slightly, but by their body language, they were not happy. 

Stoick crooked a finger towards Hiccup, and silently beckoned him to stand next to him. 

Feeling two feet tall, Hiccup slunk up the stairs and stood next to his father. 

“Now, you all have had your whole lives to know how dragon raids work. We all knew the eels were a temporary fix. And they’ll work again when they migrate back to our waters. This solution is brand new, there were bound to be some hiccups—Ah, no pun intended. Don’t take it out on the poor boy.” 

“You're just saying all that because you're his father!” Someone shouted. 

“And what of it?! I’m the proud father to a genius! I’d like to see any of you stubborn goats come up with a better plan!” 

“Dad,” Hiccup stated, stepping up. “I’ll take it from here.” 

Surprised, Stoick gestured it on. 

Hiccup took a deep breath. “I’m sorry that this happened. I only had the best intentions when I gave the advice of the eels. My goal is to save lives, and it failed this time around. I’m not done coming up with solutions. I want to ask for another chance to help. Eventually, I will find a way to stop these raids all together. Will you believe in me?” 

The response was a wave of muttering. Then Spitelout shouted out, “we don’t have a choice!” And then people started to filter away, frustrated that they didn’t get any justice. 

Stoick gave his son a gentle head rub. “It’s alright son. You are tackling the problem with the most investment in it. People are bound to be upset when it goes wrong. They forget how much livestock was saved last year with the eels.”

Hiccup didn’t respond, just sighed in defeat.

“You had a good speech too. It was good practice.”

“They don’t respect me, dad. They don’t trust me.”

“Your fellow men have a hard time respecting boys. A lot of respect will come with age. Don’t get discouraged.” 

It was easier said than done.

—--

Hiccup was exhausted. His deal with his dad did have two terms. One was studying the dragons and trying to find a solution to the raids. It required brainpower and careful observation. The other part of the deal though, was working in the forge, to grow strong and better handle weapons. This was the exhausting part. Hiccup could observe dragons all day, but this was hard work. 

It was late, later than Gobber usually had him work. Gobber had even left for the day hours ago, leaving the work to Hiccup. 

“There you are!” Astrid heaved a sigh. “I’ve been looking for you. I didn’t think you worked this late.” 

“Not usually, no.” Hiccup set the sword down. It needed to be sharpened, but that could wait a second while he took a break. “Spitelout had a big order come in.”

“And Gobber’s not helping you with it?”

“Spitelout asked me to do it, specifically. Something about wanting to keep me busy.” He rolled his eyes.

Astrid hopped up on the counter by the wall, as Hiccup rested in the only chair the forge had, leaning halfway out the door into the cold spring air. 

“I went out to the cove and hung out with Toothless and Stormfly for a while,” Astrid said. “I assumed you would come out there when you were done, but you never showed.” 

“Yeah, I’ve been swamped…wait, Stormfly? Who’s Stormfly?”

Astrid straightened her back and preened slightly. “She’s my new dragon.”

“What? Who? Since when?!” He laughed. 

“You remember our big rebellion?”

“How could I forget?” He said, with a dreamy smile etching onto his face. After all, that’s when Astrid had first kissed him. 

“That Nadder we released, she must have understood me more than I thought. She was in the cove with Toothless. She must have gone looking for him when she migrated back.” She smiled. “She remembered me too! Pranced right up to me!” 

“Wow…” Hiccup breathed. “That’s…that’s incredible! She must have learned to understand us a little from her time in the arena! I know that Toothless certainly understands us! That’s so cool! I–...” mid-rant, Hiccup noticed what she was trying to hide. “What’s wrong?”

“What do you mean?” She blinked several times, but her red eyes didn’t clear. Her hair was still a mess, and she had dark bags under her eyes. 

“You aren’t wearing your sling. Did you get cleared today?”

Astrid sighed. “Yeah…that’s kind of why I was looking for you originally.” She unwrapped her arm guard from her right arm. A huge, ugly scar spanned the inside of her arm, and a smaller scar was on the outside. The Monstrous Nightmare’s tooth had penetrated her arm all the way through. 

“So, you got a scar. That’s the mark of a warrior, right?” He smiled, trying to help. “Didn’t you say it’s only fun if you get a scar out of it?”

“The scar doesn’t bother me. But…” She held out her arm and attempted to make a fist. Her index finger curled in, and her pinky curled half way. But her middle and ring finger only flexed slightly. 

“Astrid…”

“I hoped that maybe by time it healed, I’d be able to move all of them. I figured my fist would be weak, but…” 

Hiccup picked up a hammer and went over to her, gently laying the handle in her hand. She was able to hold it with a loose grip, the majority of the hold coming from her index finger. Gently, he wrapped her weak fingers around the handle. “Does that hurt?”

“Not at all.”

He let go, and her fingers slowly released. 

He frowned, holding her hand again. “Maybe, with time…” 

“Gothi didn’t think so.” She finished his sentence. 

He looked up at her, realizing her eyes were welling up with tears. 

“It’s okay,” she breathed. “Because I have Stormfly now. She can throw spines…you just have to get the raids to end. Then she can always be with me and protect me when I can’t protect myself.” 

He stared at her hand, studying the way her fingers moved. Maybe there was still something to be done. Some straps or something? “Can you bring your axe to me tomorrow?”

“What for?”

“I think…maybe I can adapt it for you. If you’re willing to experiment with me…” he trailed off, a blush rising to his face.

Astrid smiled, before tugging on his tunic to pull him closer. “You know how I feel about experimenting with you.” She smirked before placing a cheeky kiss on his lips. 

Hiccup giggled after that, before quickly trying to play it cool. “Uh yeah…we…” He gulped. “We’re great at experimenting.” 

She smiled at him then, big and bright and honest. “Thank you. I just came to tell you what happened, and maybe…I don’t know, get a hug out of it. But you actually came up with a solution…thank you.” 

Hiccup stepped closer and wrapped his arms around her. “I can still give you a hug though.”

She breathed against him. “You’re the best, you know?”

“I’ve been told.”

“And humble!”

—--

Only a few days later, Astrid finished up her chores early to meet Hiccup at the cove. They were going to go for their first flight together on separate dragons. She had been so excited! She even got to introduce Stormfly to Stoick.

“Oh, so there’s two now?” He had lamented. 

“You’re next, you know,” Hiccup had teased. 

“I’m not training any beast!” 

It had been rather funny, and the memory still brought Astrid joy. The chief of her clan, more or less approved of her training a dragon! With Stormfly on her side, she was sure to help Hiccup find a way to stop the dragon raids! 

“Astrid, dear, where are you going?” Phlegma asked, jolting Astrid from her memory. 

“I’m meeting up with Hiccup,” she said simply, scooting on her boots. 

“Actually…we have something to talk to you about…” Her mother said, not meeting her eyes. Phlegma was usually an optimistic person, but her tone held nothing but dread. If anything, it was the tone a child had as they told their parents they broke a family heirloom.  

“What’s wrong?” Astrid asked, on edge. 

Axel walked into the room, a grim look on his face. “Perhaps you should have a seat.” 

Astrid sat down on a bench, as she was instructed. Axel took a seat next to her. His hand rested on her back, more gentle than he had ever been, especially with his shift in personality. He gazed at her, eyes full of sorrow and grief. 

“Dad?”

“I’m so sorry, Astrid.” 

Astrid sighed, his apology like a balm on her broken heart. Was he finally over her failure? Was he finally trying to make amends?

“I forgive you, dad.” She smiled.

But he only shook his head. “You won’t forgive me. I’ve done something horrible.” 

And then he proceeded to tell her what had happened. What was at stake, what the future held for her, and that she had no say in the matter. Each word brought her lower and lower, a knife cutting into her chest, threatening to cut her heart right out from her ribs and leave it bleeding and quivering on the floor. Betrayal. Absolute, horrible, betrayal.

“YOU’RE A MONSTER!” She shrieked before bursting from the house. She ran. Ran for her life. Ran to what made her happy, what felt like home, and what she would soon be losing. There, perhaps she could glean a fragment of joy before it was all over.

—-

While the storm was still gathering, and things were seemingly falling apart, lightning struck suddenly and hard, destroying the very foundation to Hiccup’s happiness. 

All seemed well, as he and Stoick spent an evening together in the cove with Toothless. An easy day, a quiet day, a day that didn’t give any indication of what was going to happen. 

“Hiccup!” Astrid’s voice echoed over the forest. 

“Astrid?” He called back. 

“Hiccup!” There was so much pain and sheer terror in her voice. He stood and started quickly towards the entrance. She appeared quickly, running at top speed. “HICCUP!” She cried. She ran to him and flung her arms around him, burying her face into his shoulder and weeping openly. 

Hiccup stood frozen, shaking, before he hugged her back. 

“Lass? What happened?” Stoick asked, his tone serious and hard. 

Stormfly squawked, and stood nearby, crooning cautiously. 

Hiccup pet her hair. “I gotcha,” he whispered. “When you’re ready, tell me what’s wrong?” 

“My father!” She wailed. “He–he–he bet on my fight!”

Both Hiccup and Stoick winced, already knowing this, but not prepared for how badly it would affect her. 

“Well, you know how vikings are–...”

“He bet me! He made a bet with Spitelout and I lost that fight and now I have to marry Snotlout!”

“WHAT!?” Stoick and Hiccup both shouted. 

Astrid pulled away slightly to grab Hiccup’s tunic. “It’s already been arranged! Those weapons Spitelout ordered were for my father! They made up the contract and exchange and everything! I didn’t even get a word in!” 

Hiccup stood shell-shocked. This couldn’t be happening! Everything had been going so well, and now…he was losing her? He didn’t even get a chance to fight for her?

“How do I undo this?” He asked his father. 

Stoick shook his head. “I’m sorry son, but this is a contract between families. The chief has nothing to do with it.” 

“But–but you have to be able to do something! Anything!”

“We could try talking to Axel and Spitelout, if they both agree to call it off…” 

“My dad will agree,” Astrid said quickly. “He wasn’t happy about the agreement. Please, please Stoick. Please talk to Spitelout! I beg you!” 

“Alright lass, alright,” Stoick sighed, patting her head. “Let’s go and have a word with the man.” 

By the time they returned to the village, night had descended. Hiccup walked with an arm firmly around Astrid and held her hand with the other. 

The three went to the Jorgenson household, and Stoick took a deep breath before knocking on the door.

A moment later, Spitelout opened the door. He smiled, though it didn’t seem genuine. “Stoick! What can I do for you so late an hour?” He then noticed Astrid crying, and chuckled. “Oh chief, you’re not getting involved in this, are you? Axel and I have a gentlemen’s agreement.” 

“I’m not here to command you to do anything. I would never use my position as chief to do that. No, I’m here as Stoick, the man. Astrid asked me to talk to you.”

“Well, there’s not much to talk about. The contract has been agreed upon and I paid the bride price, he paid the dowry. It’s settled.”

Stoick kept calm, eerily calm. “Spitelout, I am very curious though. You didn’t see how much time Astrid and Hiccup spent together? Did you not consider that?”

“I noticed, but you and I both know that has nothing to do with it. You and my sister were in a contract, even though you barely knew each other.”

“Yes, but neither I nor Valka were particularly close to anyone before our contract. I’m not saying that Astrid and Hiccup are romantically involved, but given time—”

“Yeah, I know.” Spitelout said sharply. “So that’s why I took my chance now. If I wanted my son to marry well, I needed to make the contract now.” 

Stoick’s nostrils flared. “And so you did that without considering the lass’s feelings?”

“Since when did you ever care about feelings, Stoick?” Spitelout spat. “You certainly didn’t care about my sister.”

“I loved Valka!” Stoick bellowed. “And how dare you insinuate otherwise!?”

Spitelout yelled right back. “If you really loved her, you would have protected her better! She wouldn’t have been taken!” 

“Are you—wait, you’re not doing this for Snotlout, are you? You’re doing this to spite my family!”

Spitelout gave a bitter smile. “It's in the name, Stoick.” And then he slammed the door in his face. 

“Unbelievable.” Stoick bit. He turned to look at the kids, only to see Astrid looking completely devastated. “Lass, I’m–”

“He’s horrible!” She croaked. “A stupid feud! He’s ruining my life over a feud!” 

Stoick shook his head woefully. “I’m sorry, lass. I’ll try talking to him in the morning. Spitelout can be reasonable, on occasion.” 

Astrid didn’t have much hope in that regard, and elected to hold onto Hiccup as long as she could.

—--

The next morning, the horn that signaled an announcement echoed across the village, and everyone assembled in the square. 

Hiccup already knew it wasn’t going to be good, based solely on the fact that his father was standing on the steps, along with Astrid and Snotlout. Spitelout and Axel also stood on the steps, behind their children. Once everyone was assembled, Stoick raised his hands for everyone to settle down.

“Good morning everyone. As you have all surely noticed, the next generation, my son’s generation, has reached the age of marriage. Axel Hofferson and Spitelout Jorgenson have completed a contract to bring their children Astrid and Snotlout into marriage!”

Hiccup scoffed. Stoick was delivering this news as clinically as he could. 

“The wedding will be in the fall, after the first harvest. And because this is an important affair for our family, Hiccup will be conducting the ceremony.” 

“What?!” Hiccup barked out in outrage. 

The assembled immediately began gossiping, and throwing looks over to Hiccup. 

“It will be his first ceremony as heir, but we believe this is the best opportunity for him to learn.” 

Hiccup grit his teeth and clenched his fists. How could his father let this happen?

All in all, the crowd gave congratulatory cheers, more so for the prospect of having a big party than the actual marriage. 

Once they started to disperse, Hiccup rushed up the stairs. “Dad, you can’t be serious! I can’t…please don’t make me…” 

Stoick corralled Hiccup away, a hand on his back. “Look son, I tried, but Spitelout is set. He originally wanted the wedding for this week, but I got him to agree to the fall. That way, you and Astrid have time to adjust.” 

“But why do I have to do the ceremony? I don’t even want to be there!” 

“That’s what got Spitelout to agree. We have to take the blessings where we can get them.” 

Hiccup peered around his father to look over to Astrid. She was standing awkwardly as Snotlout was talking at her. She looked miserable. 

Hiccup couldn’t tell what Snotlout was saying, but by the sneer she threw his way, it wasn’t a pleasant conversation. 

“This sucks.” Hiccup said tersely. 

“You’re a viking, lad. It’s time to buck up.” He gave him a rough pat on the back. “Besides, you still have Toothless.” 

Hiccup scoffed. “Yeah, well Toothless isn’t even allowed in town.”

[burnwater13]

The Mandalorian had carried Grogu away after the three other Mandos went soaring off into the sky. Trask was pretty dangerous for a moon that seemed to have nothing to offer but fish and more fish to feed a hungry galactic population. 

Grogu wondered about that. Very few of the planets and moons and places they had visited had seemed even remotely self-sustaining. How did they sustain their populations? Ration packs might be convenient but not every planet had the technology to produce them. 

Sure on Coruscant you could find all manner of protein modification systems and they could make all sorts of almost fresh foods. But they still needed feed stock. That feed stock was made from more than just carbon dioxide  and methane. You needed all sorts of other elements and minerals to make the stuff and be able to create balanced nutrition for so many different species of life forms. 

Grogu often wondered if that’s why he didn’t like rations? They didn’t include some essential nutrient for his species. But critters like frogs, dung worms, yob-shrimp, and gorgs did. That might also explain why he found veggies so disappointing and chicken so delicious. Some of them had essential nutrients for Grogu and others were just awful. 

The Mandalorian found that disappointing. Sure, in a pinch, Din Djarin would some critter that had once been living because there was no choice, but give him a choice and he ate his neatly cut up rations pack every time. They must have been perfectly formulated for Mandalorian physiology. Grogu thought that was a pity. 

It was hard for Grogu to imagine that Din didn’t love the crispy, almost sweet, crackly deliciousness that was roast  Krayt dragon. It was almost as delicious as fresh frog or shrimp. Their texture was very similar. Grogu had never asked the Mandalorian to grill his frogs or shrimp for him because he figured it was just better that he make those things disappear before Din was sad about their little lives ending to sustain Grogu’s life. That Mandalorian was a real softy. 

Grogu had tried to explain to his tall, soft hearted protector that he talked to the critters prior to eating them and asked for their permission. Some critters didn’t mind and others, well, they hopped right out of Grogu’s mouth. That was always disappointing but maybe they hadn’t developed the best flavors yet? What if they had more growing to do? Grogu didn’t want to stop them from achieving their life’s dream just because he was hungry. 

The one time Din Djarin was very good about eating something pretty fresh was when it had to be ended for other reasons. So when they stopped that Krayt dragon from killing more bantha and people, Din had been pretty happy to get that Krayt dragon haunch. But he brought it right back to Peli. Grogu knew that Peli never looked a gift gundark in the mouth (don’t you do it either, that would be a huge mistake), and happily traded ration packs for that big chunk of dragon. And… she still let Din have some broth made from the trimmings of the roast. 

Grogu had determined that Din obtained most of his water from bone and meat broth and the rest from stuff like spotchka and ferment. He wondered if that was a Mandalorian physiology thing as well? It seemed likely. He knew the other Mandos they met liked their ferment and their broths. Of course some of them ate slither worms and stuff like stew and soup. He wondered if they ate a broader  range of foods because they could take off their helmets, while Din stubbornly kept his in place? It made sense. From a certain perspective. 

He wondered if he could train the Mandalorian to take his helmet off for longer periods of time so he could eat other things. Grogu had heard about critters being trained to do things for food rewards that actually helped the critter lead a better life. For example, getting a Nexu to allow it’s keeper to check it’s teeth for cleanliness and good gum health involved offering it chunks of meat from behind a very secure enclosure. 

Grogu was certain that not always wearing that helmet would improve the quality of the Mandalorian’s life. First and foremost he would actually be able to eat something that couldn’t be reduced readily to a tiny bite sized. Then he could learn to relax. Maybe tell a joke. Have some fun. Things like that. Grogu would be sure to have some of Din’s favorite treats handy (cut up bits of rations of course) and reward him for his good behaviors. After all if you could teach a Nexu that way, how much harder could teaching a Mandalorian be?

[kellyvela]

I think saying they're little shits is a bit too much (well with Jace anyway. Can't say for Luke since he's more of a blank book than his brother. Then he decided it was a-ok to laugh at the pig placed in front of Aemond when the dinner was so blatantly a high tense affair). Honestly both boys haven't been shown enough onscreen for me to get a good grasp of who they are. Jace seems to be stubbornly drinking his mother's kool-aid even though all Aemond has to do is declare everyone should drain their cups to his STRONG nephews before Jace (and Luke) lose their shit. So that kool aid isn't working for Jace was well as he likes to believe.

Both boys seem to be what, in their teens? They should have realized that Aemond was making a trap with the way he emphasized STRONG. Like c'mon guys, don't tell me your mom and stepfather didn't brief you before this dinner? (actually they probably didn't, or didn't do so properly).

At least Cregan and Sara will be able to get Jace to stop gaslighting himself (hopefully lmao) and get some discipline into him. I don't want to say too much for anyone that doesn't know Luke's fate from the books, but Luke's a lost cause.

Tbh I'm gonna be really curious to see how next season pans out since Jace will likely be in Winterfell then. This is an age where while it's not a holy shit monumental moment, it's less of a surprise than in the future when a dragon pops up over the moors of Winterfell with a rider on its back heading for a visit. Given Aegon's prophecy is a re-occurring thing (still salty about that change but I digress), I think we will get multiple episodes of Jace in Winterfell. If it doesn't stretch all of season 2 it will stretch for a bulk of it.

If someone mocked me with a pig because my dragon egg didn't hatch. Then gouged out my eye, when I was already neutralized, because I claimed the biggest dragon out there. Then, years later without showing any regrets or trying a sincere apology, not only laughed at my face but looked at me with such smugness because they put a roasted pig in front of me at the dinner table. I would have asked Vhagar to eat him after the dinner, really. So yeah, I call him a little shit.

At that point both Jace (16) and Luke (14) know that they are bastards, and they understand what being a bastard means. But they not only follow his mother's lies (that is, at certain level, reasonable, at least in public), but act outraged when anyone tell them the truth, even in their close family circle, a truth they perfectly know and understand. So, again, I call them a little shits.

The same way Jon Snow had his "welcome to real life" moment with Donald Noye, I hope Jace have a similar moment with Cregan and Sara at Witerfell.

[xxlordalexanderxx]

🍁.: The Eventide Revelry :. 🍁

The festivities had started but the real celebration did not begin until the king and his entourage had arrived. Usually Alexander was heavily feared when he made a personal appearance, because if he had to leave his home, it was bad. Today though, his showing was welcomed, cheered even. He never came to the festival in person, only his fire that would be safely contained until ready for use.

The dragon king was in a jovial way, waving as rose petals were flung at his feet and his loved ones who were able to join him. They would also be flanked with guards to help make way for Alexander and his family, as they made for the main square. In the midst of everything was a huge pile of logs and planks as tall as the draconian, ready to be ignited.

Seeing the king in the town square caused a crowd to gather, only as much as the king’s guard would allow as he needed space, He began to speak, his voice booming, powerful and amplified so all could hear.

“Beasts of Xandora, it is a great pleasure and an honor to join you all this fine evening. I know I usually stay in my castle but things are different this year. The kingdom is changing, and so am I, for the better. Let this Eventide see the pleasant close to the year, the plentiful start to the great harvest and the start of new beginnings to come. Eat, drink, dance, and be marry. And may your hunts be successful and your kills be clean!” A charming yet devilish smile, before the draconian jerks forward and blasts the massive woodpile with a powerful torrent of fire.

The bon fire lit up with ease in a dazzling display, to the awe and joy of all who attended. Alexander’s fire was deadly and dangerous but in this context it was the life of the party.

Once the king’s flame was ignited the festival really began.

Stands were set up peddling various baked goods such as pies, tarts and honey cakes, candied dipped apples and sugared spiced figs, and sacks of honeyed nuts. Butchers offered roasted meats and meat pies, and turkey legs, even whole turkeys if you were hungry enough. Meanwhile wine makers served their finest wines, from blood wines, to spiced wine, to heavily aged wine, along with ale and mead if the former was not to your taste. There was dancing and music and shows as well, the locals seems generally happy. And everywhere there were wonderful autumnal themed decorations.

The evening would carry on for roughly 6-10 hours.

🍂| [dividers]

[why-is-james-on-here]

I just finished a shitty Christian fantasy novel. Rant time!

I wish I could start this review with some snarky comment making fun of how awful this book is. I wish I could talk about how it murders the English language on every page or how it made me feel mental anguish on par with physical pain. I can’t though. If Leviathan was the worst book ever, that would be something. Instead this book is… empty. It’s a tale based in Christian mythology, all about the life of Noah when he was a young man, long before God told him to build the Ark so he could escape the Great Flood. It takes place in a world filled with angels, giants, dragons (actually dinosaurs in this world), and at the center of it is a man chosen by God to do great things. Does that sound cool? Well, yeah, I thought so too. There are 2 issues (at least 2 big issues, there’s plenty of small ones) that prevent this book from being… anything. 1: The author believes that all of this is literally true. He genuinely believes that the Earth is only a few thousand years old and dinosaurs lived with humans in Biblical times. That’s hardcore stupid on its own, then you realize it means that R.M. Huffman believes this book is all true. Maybe parts of it are fictional in his mind, but which parts? It’s impossible to say. Imagine if J.R.R. Tolkien wrote The Lord of the Rings under the impression it was real. He wouldn’t be writing it to make interesting characters or a cool world to explore or a story with heart, he’d be writing it with religious reverence. He’d be copying something someone else already made without any new ideas or themes added and expecting everyone else to admire it as much as he does. And if anyone doesn’t admire it, it’s because they hate God and Christians. No need for self-reflection or taking criticism, because this isn’t actually a fantasy novel (in his mind). The issue here is not that the author has different beliefs than me, or even that he’s clumsily pushing them in his book. The issue is that there is nothing here beyond his beliefs, which brings me to the next point. 2: There are maybe 6 events that transpire over the course of more than 400 pages. This isn’t an adventure, or even a series of adventures, it’s just Noah. Noah hanging around at home and basking in everyone talking about how great he is and how he’s destined for great things. Noah going to get help for his town without running into trouble. Noah coming up with brilliant plans to defeat villains such as “If we want to kill the Leviathan we have to break it’s skull open with an ax!” Great plan, mate, no one else could have come up with that. That might be fine if Noah had any personality or interesting things to say/do, he doesn’t though. He’s just the hero because the author made him the hero, and the author made him the hero because the Bible did. There’s a final battle near the end which, to be fair, isn’t half bad. It would be better if the protagonist actually did things instead of just knowing how to win without effort, but y’know, I’ve read worse. The only real entertainment value it has is to remember that the author believes this is all literally true. He’s an insane dipshit who believes humans and dinosaurs lived together, this isn’t a fantasy world for him, its existence is a religious fact, never to be questioned. And if anyone does question it, they must be attacked/silenced. So I can’t even act like this book is the worst thing ever. I want to channel my inner Roger Ebert to roast it until it’s reduced to ashes so I can scatter them on the wind. I can’t though. And even if I could, this book isn’t worth it. There is nothing here, not even anything to mock. I know Christian conservatives would say that dog shit tasted like candy if the dog claimed to love Jesus first, so I expect at least some hate for this negative review. I don’t care though. This book isn’t bad because it’s Christian, it’s bad because it’s bad.

[mdhwrites]

Jumbled Thoughts: The Accidental Power Paradox

So what do I mean by accidental power? Well, it’s actually what it sounds like. “I have great, cosmic power! Power beyond comprehension! Reality is my bitch and I can do it all before even a cup of coffee! The drawback? I can’t control it. It works when it works and it doesn’t when it doesn’t.” There is a lesser version of this that’s also “The character’s ability is luck.” Especially when it comes to bad luck and there’s a reason I highlight the bad luck more than good luck ability actually. In both cases though, the explanation is supposed to be that randomness and chance are a major factor in the outcome. That for as hard as they may try, they can never force it. Which... On paper sounds great. It’s a rough position for a character to be in to know that the next time they cast a spell, it could just not work. Or do something they don’t want it to. Or any of a million possibilities. But let’s evaluate from a story perspective how that manifests. What the possibilities for it are as written: 1. It never fails when it’s needed. The character’s bad luck makes them lose twenty bucks but when they need something to keep itself together just long enough for someone to save them, it does. The magician couldn’t fix the bar that his barbarian companion destroyed because the aetheric currents said no but when the dragon was about to roast them all, he summoned his magic and didn’t just make a shield, he actually turned the fire to his will before using it against the dragon itself! The hero who sometimes has his powers couldn’t save himself from bullies but after chanting to himself, screaming to the heavens and running there depowered anyways, he transformed just in time to save his girlfriend! And... This is how it goes every time. We never see the trauma or tragedy that would befall them if the coin hit tails when everything was at stake. This is the most common honestly for the power side of things. And, as a subsection 1. B: I’m clumsy! But not in a fight or a way that matters. It’s weird how many characters get clumsiness as a trait, especially when they’re meant to be formidable or the like. It makes them out to be a bit of a goofball, lead to some silliness and from time to time might make it so they slip in battle before then spinning on the ground and taking out three guys while they’re laughing. Because... That’s totally a downside to a character and not just a visual gag. The problem for this one is also the most obvious. It stops feeling like there’s a drawback if there are never consequences caused by the drawback. And this admittedly goes for ANYTHING. You have a stamina or mana system? Then when you say a character is out of mana or something takes a fuckton of energy, it better actually be the case. If they manage to somehow draw up enough dregs of energy to cast a ninth level spell or come back as if they just had a twelve hour nap in five minutes, then you’ve broken your own rules. You’ve exposed the lie. That the rule was only ever in place for when it was convenient. When the plot demanded it. Even worse for this archtype when it NEVER goes wrong is that you never even get the angst caused by... Well, wait for it. Oh, and this goes triple actually for the ‘bad luck’ character who never gets in real trouble. Quick story about a really bad anime: A friend of mine told me to check out Tenchi GXP with him because we’d just watched Tenchi Muyo and I’d loved it. When they told me the main character had ‘bad luck’ though, I asked if it was actually good luck and they called it bad luck. My friend said no. My friend, bless their heart, lied to me. The moment this just shattered like glass (and it was pretty bad before now too in really egregious ways) came when the main character warps into a new part of space and suddenly space pirates by the DROVES start warping on his location. Their warp drives just... randomly brought them there. How unlucky! He has no way to fight them after all. Problem was that GXP stands for Galactic Police and they were hot on his trails for his shenanigans but still on his side so suddenly all these pirates now had to deal with a fuckton of police. It’s a rout, the main character is awarded the bounties of some of the hardest to ever catch criminals the force has ever found and given a captain spot and his own starship specifically so they can track him, wait for his distress beacon to proc, and go find the pirates because this is THAT PREDICTABLE A SITUATION. That’s not bad luck. That’s good luck. 2. It ALWAYS fails when it’s important. Oh, you’re a side character! Maybe a one off where the characters meet you, your life is sad and miserable and either the main characters figure out why you can never save the ones you care about and fix your problem or just go on after a “Sucks to be you!” 3. It sometimes fails. In all situations. Congrats! This sounds like the right outcome, correct? This is what it’s supposed to do after all. Right? Right?

Well... Now it’s time to talk about the paradox side of this. Because this was inspired by a friend of mine pitching that a character’s magical powers were meant to be random and by accident and that they didn’t know how they work. As I said at the beginning of this: That’s good in theory. In practice, you’re the writer. YOU know how it works. And if your excuse for why it doesn’t work or not in a given situation is random, it’s not. It’s what is commonly referred to as “The Hand of the Author.” Because you had to make a decision. You had to decide whether or not it worked and the consequences for it. That’s the biggest problem with this sort of power. You could even try to go full D&D on this and use dice and what not to decide when it works or not and you still won’t escape it. The dice say that as a blade comes down, their shield doesn’t activate? Well, randomness just decided that character is dead. OH but what about that romance subplot you’re really invested in? Wait, what if their shield fails, their life flashes before their eyes and then suddenly their new life stops the blade just in time to save them? Isn’t that romantic? Isn’t that such a sweet way for such a harrowing moment to go well? But you also just cheated your concept. And... That’s fine. You’re the author. End of the day, you’re in control of the characters and plot. Everything you have at your disposal to tell your story should be used. The question is if your audience is going to be okay with your reasoning when it happens. Because let’s say that we’re back at that sword stroke. You roll the dice and you stick with it. The character is dead, romantic subplot be damned. You made it random and stuck to your guns on it. And then people on Twitter or Reddit or in general LOSE THEIR SHIT. What about the time he stopped a friend from being torched by a dragon? Why couldn’t that guy die instead? Come on, his powers failed that morning when he had to fix a barbarian’s bar room brawl! He earned having his powers work this time! And you notice that readers do drop off after this. Maybe not a lot... But some have discerned the lie. Or shown that, honestly, the lie was never a strength of your story because if your only explanation is cosmic fate... You control that cosmos. And some people are going to realize and have an issue with that when something theoretically is 100% in your control hurts them. Now, you might reasonably ask why it matters if this is in the author’s control if they’re god in a story. Isn’t everything their decision? A character makes a mistake and you’re the one who told them to make a mistake, right? Well... 4. The power was never accidental at all. This is an option. The character themselves may think it’s random but it wasn’t. Let’s take that wizard. He was annoyed at his barbarian friend and didn’t want to help him. When he cast the spell, instead of just failing, it shattered the tables! It made the damage worse and he didn’t rightfully no why. The barbarian and the innkeep both scream at him, claiming it was on purpose, and so he goes out for a stroll. He’s sad, questioning his abilities and wishing he had answers for them. When a pack of assassins come for him, he tries to ward them off with magic but his heart isn’t in it. The one he loves recently had a fight with him and things have just been terrible in general. A small part of him honestly just wishes things would stop being so bad. And that small part wins out when the blade comes down, unlike against the dragon when his friends cheered him on! Told him how great he was and how he had to simply believe himself! They all that day were scared but they believed they’d make it out somehow! Someway. The only one of them that wasn’t scared was the mage. He believed his friends after all so why did he have anything to fear? All he had to focus on was how the dragon would be felled. Preferably by his hands. A savvy audience could put together the rules that the wizard never did. That even if they didn’t understand it, both the author and the audience did. It had rules. It had reasoning. It just could feel random because those rules might influence the outcome. Emotions can do a lot after all so having a spell be more powerful or more destructive than hoped for when influenced by them? Actually pretty good and a fun bit of flair rather than simply authorial intent. And that’s how you avoid the ‘god’ claim. When a character makes a mistake, if it’s rooted in the character’s flaws and the like, then you as the author can mostly only be blamed for putting the character in that situation and giving them the flaw. What they did in that moment simply made sense for them though. That’s how you get things like Greek Tragedies. When everyone is acting as they should according to their character and everything goes wrong. Because hey, this thing you have to make in a way that can be understood by people having logic to it weirdly benefits from having logic to it instead of just trying to mimic reality. And is there an upside for people who’s ability is luck? Well, weirdly enough: 4 b: Their power is based in good luck. This isn’t even a joke. Anyone who read the Halo Book “The Fall of Reach” might even be humming to themselves with a smile. After all, Master Chief in the books was not the best Spartan because he was the strongest, smartest or fastest. Cortana states that what makes him special is that he’s lucky. And most main characters are. They run into the right people, have patrols on the right cycle, have the right rainy days that put them under a bus stop with the girl they like, etc. like that. Suddenly, you’re giving an in universe reason for all those coincidences. Does that mean you should have them find a billion dollars or win every lottery they enter? No. That’s asinine unless that’s the point of the story. It’s also why you very rarely have characters who stick around long term with luck anything. It’s a bad mechanic in a story. Plain and simply. Conclusion: “There is no such thing as coincidence.” In life, I don’t agree with that. A Twitter algorithm happened to show you a piece from an artist you end up being friends with because you liked it so much that you start following them? That’s coincidence. You find twenty bucks on the street? Awesome. You forget the soda you put at the bottom of your shopping cart? Sucks. But it’s not some cosmic deity deciding today is a good or bad day for you. That is not the case in a story. No matter what an author says, or the characters in universe say, there is a deity deciding everything for them. It may be good and listen to them as characters but it still makes the final decision. And before anyone tries to be a dick: Coincidence in a story has its place. If a character was ‘just in the neighborhood’ but vital to continuing the plot, that’s okay. Sometimes momentum and emotion can be better than pure logic. In fact, commonly, a little bit of bending is best. But don’t try to tell me something will be easy to drink from when it’s a two foot long crazy straw. The moment it becomes annoying to drink with, I’ll start asking why it isn’t straight because at that point, the curves won’t be worth the trouble anymore.

[sacred-stanning]

Chapter 5: Lucky Sister

This chapter starts with Eirika visiting a town that was formerly the border between her kingdom of Renais and the Grado Empire.

We get a small cutscene where this handsome chap with a hat shows up.

And then we find out that Grado is looking for some sister from the church who is suspected of being a spy.

By the way, Cormag is "Koogaa", or "Cougar" maybe.

And then we run into this guy who is surely a random dude who won't be important later, and neither will the girl with blue hair that he is searching for.

Here are my unit choices for this map. This was a hard one. I'm forced to bring Natasha even though she is just worse Moulder and I don't need her. For real, what kind of GBA second healer doesn't have a horse???

I decided to leave Vanessa behind, even though I love her and want to keep using her, just because of the unit limit. There are a bunch of archers that make it hard for her to move around, and also a lot of axe units that she does poorly against.

And I brought Garcia instead of Ross since Ross is still kind of squishy, and I wanted someone else who could maybe take a hit. But maybe I overthought it. I am going to invest in Ross from here on out, so I probably won't be using Garcia longterm.

Here's the map. Lots of houses to visit! There will be some bandit reinforcements. And there is a skinny "second path" on the left that I will send Franz up. It's a kill boss map, but I plan to kill every last one of them™.

Step one: Garcia goes to visit the house at the bottom.

You can see that Eirika and Franz are also set up to intercept enemies above. Seth is moving right to intercept some reinforcements who haven't appeared yet, and Natasha goes with him since she's the one who needs to talk to Joshua to recruit him.

Franz gets a decent level up when the guy above attacks him.

Eirika doesn't finish off the axe guy, so things are looking like this at the beginning of turn 2. The two axe guy reinforcements to the right have appeared already.

Lute makes roast bandit.

LUTE!!!

And Garcia gets to the house at the bottom and encounters a dancer.

She gives us a dragon shield! Yeah!

So then we set up for the next turn. Franz is going to go up the left side on his own. He doesn't need any help. Seth is going to handle the three enemies on the right by himself. The other group in the middle is going to move up and deal with the archer and soldier above them.

Franz bends reality.

And Neimi gets a level up. Some strength would be nice, but speed is good too.

So here we are now. Seth killed all three guys on the right. The soldier above him is not the one from before, it's another guy who moved down. Despite getting a level, Neimi didn't actually finish off the archer she traded blows with.

Franz can just go running up now, the middle group will take care of the archer, and Seth will continue to destroy everything in his path. Maybe he'll occasionally leave something for Eirika to do.

So Franz goes here:

Seth won't leave anything behind for Eirika if he attacks first, so Eirika has to go first:

And then I actually decide to just leave Seth to the side of the soldier without attacking since the weakened soldier will almost certainly go for Eirika, not Seth, giving her a kill and some more experience.

Also, Natasha does a heal. Good for her.

Eirika gets a level up on enemy phase!

Some day we'll get strength.

Coldest take ever but, GBA animations are amazing. I love the "horse almost falls over" attacks.

Franz keeps making his way up the left. I leave him on a forest here. Franz really doesn't take much to get going. I'd forgotten how quickly he becomes a strong contributor.

Eirika chips at the archer

Seth finishes the archer off, and Lute, who has slightly higher defense than Artur, sets up to take a hit from the soldier. Seth is also going to take an attack from Joshua. This is the scariest part of the map. Joshua can easily crit people with his killing edge, and Seth sometimes will crit too since he just has good stats. Either of them could kill the other.

I think sometimes in the past I've used Gilliam here to soak up a hit from Joshua since he will pretty much never kill in retaliation, but I didn't bring him this time.

Franz takes no damage from the sword guy. But he dishes it out just fine.

...and gets a level up!

Lute fights a battle on another front. (Wait, is she fighting, or dabbing?)

She gets level up too! More magic!

LUTE!!!

Let's end on a cliff hanger!

Well, actually, this situation isn't as dangerous as I remembered. Maybe I was thinking of hard mode.

As you can see here, neither of them can actually kill the other. Seth has a 0% crit chance, and isn't fast enough to double. And even if Joshua crits Seth, he'll still only do 12 damage.

To be continued!