#because this applies to some conversations that have

[vergess]

A work friend of mine's daughter has recently developed (?) schizophrenia. He seems to like my advice in general, and in particular thinks I gave him helpful advice about handling traumatic experiences he's had, and so talks to me about this a lot. I've tried to give advice along the lines of prioritizing her comfort/well-being/calmness over her "connection to reality" (his words), like not picking arguments over things she says in pursuit of correcting her, similar to taking care of someone with dementia.

Do you have any points I can focus on or resources I can look up to support him and by extension his daughter better? I'm not very familiar with the subject but do know that in looking this up I'm wading through a lot of stuff that's not very supported or with the schizophrenic person's well being and agency in mind.

You're exactly right about the comparison to dementia. Although not nearly as severe an illness, schizophrenia is one of those "redirect not reinforce" conditions.

So, one of the big things you can suggest, especially while the person is in the early period of onset (which can happen over the course of a year at any age, but usually between 20 and 30), is try to help them make plans for the future. Which sounds big and scary, but it mostly consists of honestly going through with them to make lists of the things they enjoy, the things that stress them out, etc. Because there is going to come a time, and it's sooner than anyone wants, where remembering what she finds relaxing will become impossible on her own (at least, during periods of high stress; she may always be able to self regulate in normal conditions).

Schizophrenia often makes people feel deeply afraid and out of control of their own thoughts, which is really scary!!

But your friend's daughter is likely still able to remember what things she enjoyed before the onset of her illness. Whenever she gets too wound up in a fearful delusion, rather than trying to combat the delusion, I suggest redirecting her to one of the things she enjoys, whatever that may be. A hobby, a movie, etc.

It's important that the idea for the redirection initially come from the schizophrenic person themself. This way, you can honestly say, "hey, remember when you said you like X, why don't we try some X together," and it be something reaffirming to the person's sense of control rather than fighting it.

Of course, if the delusion isn't fearful/scary/stressful, the best thing to do is to accept that it is her genuine reality right now, and just work around that belief. No need to start a fight and make it stressful.

Another thing is, and this is MUCH more controversial in the west but I'll go ahead and say it. Another thing is, if the daughter's voices are friendly or kind, to support her engaging with them (if she so chooses). This way if/when her voices become mean she can choose to "disengage" with them as a conscious change. In practical terms, this means if his daughter is ever having conversations with her voices that seem to be in good spirits, to treat that more like she is talking on the phone with someone you don't know, than to treat it as a scary hallucination.

Then, if the voices ever get mean, she can "give them the silent treatment" to help establish a sense of control over them and help her feel like she doesn't have to listen to them.

In a way, it can be good to conceptualize her voices as "influential strangers" and just encourage her to listen to good influences and ignore bad ones.

Finally, depending on where the daughter lives and her support needs, it might be good to get her registered with the healthcare service in your area sooner than later. In the US, a young person with schizophrenia automatically qualifies for medicaid and can also qualify for disability. Both will need to be applied for, and the application process is a byzantine mess.

Especially regarding disability, it is best to hire a lawyer to make your application (they will be paid out of your benefits not your pocket).

As such, if your coworker's daughter is unlikely to be able to live entirely on her own, including job, hygiene, travel, etc it's a good idea to get there registrations started ASAP. That way if the coworker ever becomes sick or when he eventually dies, etc the daughter can be supported.

If the daughter has low support needs and is likely to be able to live on her own (which can and does happen sometimes!! Even with schizophrenia), one of the biggest challenges she's going to face in the long term is going to the doctor.

Not only are doctors deeply, deeply scary to the mentally ill in the west (for good reason!), which makes doctors a prime target for delusions of fear and abuse. But also delusional thinking can interfere with a person's ability to identify their own body sensations.

EG, it is very common for schizophrenics to "be really angry and not know why" and it turns out it's because they have a UTI but couldn't feel it due to delusions. In fact, it's so common that one of the first things we do at work when a client is very upset like that, is ask them if they have been peeing more often (the answer is usually 'yes').

A huge part of the reason people with schizophrenia die young is the inability to tell when they are sick, followed by feeling unsafe going to the doctor.

Ultimately, the biggest thing to remember is that no matter how stressed or scared you are as a carer, the person with the illness is just as of more stressed. They aren't fighting you, they're fighting terror. Remembering that can make the intense demands of caring for someone with higher support needs less draining.

The second biggest thing is to remember to take time for yourself, because if you burn out as a carer, then you've left your kid without support for potentially months or years, and that's pretty bad compared to having them go to a fun adult program like a summer camp every day for a month while you recover.

Finally: there are more programs for schizophrenia support than you think. Even in my rural bumfuck town of 3000, we have two (2) different programs, including a year round day program that operates 5 days a week and takes walk ins.

Your coworker does not have to take care of his daughter alone. Support exists.

[pear1escence]

Hello! I read your “being keegan’s girlfriend would entail…” and was wondering if you could do one for David/Hesh Walker? My manz doesn’t get enough love

If not that’s totally okay! Thanks for reading!

Being Keegan’s girlfriend would entail…

Being David Walker’s girlfriend would entail…

David ‘Hesh’ Walker x fem!Reader (that’s my last name too actually wink wink)

Explicit - 18+

⭒ He’s got a lot of room in his heart for tenderness.

⭒ The pain he feels from having lost his father hasn’t gone away, but it doesn’t plague him like it used to. (Listen, we’ve got Logan safe and sound in this universe our man doesn’t need any more problems)

⭒ What he needs from a lover is patience. The violence he’s experienced, it’s made him rougher around the edges. (Tougher? Rougher? Pls help) He just needs a lil time to soften up to you, I think Hesh would be the sweetest man f’you, such a loving and considerate boyfriend.

⭒ Hesh cherishes the intimate, sweet moments of a relationship. Holding you in his arms in the early hours of the morning, listening to your little puffs of breath, the calmness in your face as you sleep.

⭒ He’s so gentle with you. If it’s his thumb stroking over your cheek in soothing motions, or the palm of his hand running along the soft skin of your back. Treats you so well.

⭒ Chemtrails over the Country Clubs by Lana Del Rey reminds me of him. ‘Tulsa Jesus Freak’ and ‘Let Me Love You Like A Woman’ are Hesh songs to me. Very domestic and intimate.

⭒ I think of him as a socially confident person, a man who carries himself with confidence, falls into conversation easily. He’s charming he’s got rizz basically, you don’t have to search for long to find the reasons you fell for him.

⭒ I mean…pretty green eyes, tall, arms like his? I’d eat him up.

⭒ He’d date someone shy, I think. I think he’d find your shyness endearing, amusing even.

⭒ He loves taking you out for dinner, partly because he loves the sight of you all dressed up for him. He strikes me as someone with he a classic taste, likes romantic makeup styles, dresses that hug your curves and lacy lingerie.

⭒ His softness carries over into the bedroom, of course. I can’t imagine him being degrading or enjoying anything too rough, honestly. He can’t resist teasing you a bit though, a little meanness is all fun. He likes you submissive though, and he can be stern sometimes. Who’s complaining anyways let’s be honest with ourselves😓

⭒ He’s gonna be groping you mercilessly. Loves soft thighs, a nice pair of tiddies, anything soft. He’s big on foreplay, loves to finger you while praising you. Luvs to praise.

⭒ He WILL suck on your nipples. Probably groaning about how much he loves your body while doing so.

⭒ Wouldn’t actually choke you, but he’ll wrap a hand around your neck nd apply pressure gently, he likes seeing his hand ‘round your neck + you find it grounding, even comforting.

⭒ Makes you look him in the eyes while his hand is in your panties, “Does that feel good, baby? Yeah?” Nd you best believe he’s stopping if he doesn’t get an answer.

⭒ Very into eye contact while he’s fucking you. Again with the “You like that, pretty girl?” While gripping your jaw nd making you look at him, groaning out a “Good girl” once you answer him.

⭒ This just turned into sex headcannons bruh😞

⭒ Loves blowjobs. Also lowkey wants you to lick/suck on his balls but he’s a bit embarrassed to ask, you’ll figure out he enjoys it from his reactions anyways. Also pretty hairy, but not as much of a bear man as Keegan is.

⭒ He sends you pics of him in his combat uniform while he’s out on deployment. He’ll certainly appreciate pics of you in return, a mirror selfie of you in some nice lingerie would drive him crazy. Loves a nice photo of you in his boxers too.

⭒ I think he’d be very shy about reciprocating those kinds of images, but he’d send you over some mildly suggestive ones. He’d be very confused if you ask for a nut vid. (That sounds so fucking dumb, nut vid??)

Me?? Writing for someone other that Keegan??? No but this was fun, I’ve been wanting to write for Hesh for a while. Hope you enjoyed!! I think this is my first request ever tihi

[hippolotamus]

tagged by the lovely and talented @daffi-990 (new chapter!) @mountedeverest @wikiangela (be sure to check out their things) and various other people through the week. Brain did not wish to write this week, but I put together some unexpected words on a thing that's been bothering me in S7 😅 anyway, have some of Eddie's complicated mental gymnastics. (and I did another lil thing earlier but didn't tag everyone because i know not everyone likes BuckTommy but if it interests you...)

As much as Eddie gave Buck hell about Natalia, about dating someone from a call, he easily categorizes Marisol separately. Because Eddie is good at that, at making different mental compartments for sorting the things he needs to. Things like work (people they saved, people they lost), Christopher (school, growing up, friend circles), his time in the army, family (his sisters, abuela, Pepa, his parents, safe topics of conversation). Even one for himself (father, son, brother, husband, widower, firefighter). Needless to say, it’s an extensive list. A well practiced method that allows him to say ‘Marisol from the hardware store’, not ‘Marisol from the 911 call’, without feeling guilty or like he’s lying.  Other than the convenience of a half truth, he was genuinely pleased to run into her there. She’s pleasant, helpful. There’s something kind of adorable about her overalls and the way her hair is pulled into a messy ponytail. Something that makes her a little less intimidating and a lot easier to talk to. Like he doesn’t have to perform or put on an act. He can just be a guy trying to figure out the right adhesive for his son’s school project.  It’s a nice role to slip into. Easy. Simple. Easier still to justify having Chris there when he calls Marisol to ask her out.  That all comes screeching to a halt when he picks her up for their date. They're only supposed to be going for a casual dinner and movie. He chose a black button up shirt, the sleeves rolled up on his forearms, and one of his nicer pairs of dark jeans. What he considers a respectable yet casual look. Marisol opens the door to greet him and something in his brain goes offline. Not for any of the typical reasons people usually get thrown off. But when has his brain ever acted the way it’s supposed to? It’s not- she’s not unattractive or off putting. Necessarily. But she’s… girly, soft, feminine. Her hair falls around her shoulders, slightly curled at the ends, and she’s applied enough makeup to be noticeable but not too much. She’s wearing a short-sleeved olive green dress that falls to mid-thigh and strappy heels.  Several of the neatly arranged boxes in Eddie’s head, with their partitions and labels, tumble together, spilling and jumbling their contents with another unmarked box full of thoughts he’d like to pretend he doesn’t know exists.

@actuallyitsellie @epicbuddieficrecs @loveyouanyway @a-noble-dragon @tizniz

@fortheloveofbuddie @weewootruck @saybiwithme @bidisasterevankinard @shipperqueen6

@ramonaflow @taketheplanspinitsideways @spotsandsocks @dangerpronebuddie @theotherbuckley

@stereopticons @kitteneddiediaz @mrs-f-darcy @diazsdimples @drowsy-quill

@your-catfish-friend @thekristen999 @filet-o-feelings @underwaterninja13 @lizzie-bennetdarcy

@rainbow-nerdss @steadfastsaturnsrings @queenmabcreates @inell @jesuisici33

@bucksbiawakening @shortsighted-owl @queerbuckleys @bi-buckrights

@elvensorceress @giddyupbuck @hoodie-buck @indestructibleheart @ladydorian05

@lemonzestywrites @monsterrae1 @statueinthestone @slightlyobsessedwitheverything @the-likesofus

@thewolvesof1998 @watchyourbuck @wildlife4life and anyone else who wants to 😘

[nothorses]

Hi! Since you have a Discord server, could you share some tips for both moderating and keeping the space active and free of toxicity? I am thinking of creating my own for a micro-comunnity, but I have no idea where to start (especially what basic action protocols to follow of someone breaks a rule or is reported as abusive in DMs and there isn't much concrete proof).

Thanks in advance. ;-)

Ooh, yes, this shit is my bread & butter! Here's the advice I'd give someone creating a new community Discord space:

Start with a very clear idea of what the space is for.

This is your reasoning for every single expectation you set & rule you enforce. If you cannot explain to someone why a rule exists, you shouldn't have that rule- and you probably won't have an easy time enforcing it anyway.

Ask yourself some questions upfront: is this a space for bonding over a shared interest? Is this a space for building community around a marginalized identity or experience? Why? Who does it benefit, and how does it benefit those people?

The transmasc discord server I run started as a space to build community for transmascs who could not talk about transmasc issues elsewhere, and is therefore a space for discussion of these issues first, a space to build community for a group that faces a lot of isolation second, and everything else third.

Ask yourself: what is this space not for?

Now that you know what your goal is, it should be easier to determine what is in conflict with your goal. If you're a fandom space, you should be asking things like: do you need a vent channel? Why? What level of venting is okay? How will you tell someone in crisis that this is not an appropriate place to seek help? (Or applied to other situations: do you need this? Does it serve your goal? How? Is there a line or a nuance you should clarify? How practical is it to enforce this line?)

Think about your role as server owner

Server owners have a lot of de-facto power, because that's how Discord is set up, like, functionally. Think about the worst server owners you have ever encountered, and ask: what could have prevented those servers from disaster? People make bad decisions without realizing how bad they are, and it sucks. And, frankly, communities shouldn't necessarily belong to just one person.

What is your responsibility to your community? How can you share your power with them? What can you commit to in order to mitigate that power imbalance?

I have some commitments in place within my server along the lines of like... we make decisions on the basis of consensus (if someone really disagrees, we talk about it and, if needed, figure out a different solution; we don't go with "majority rules", and I don't veto or whatever). If there's consensus among the rest of the server staff that I should step down, I will step down. Stuff like that. My staff know these things, which keeps me (and them!) accountable.

You should think about the role of staff in a similar way; they have power over users. How can you mitigate that power? How can you share it with users? What happens if a staff member abuses their power?

Start small.

Unless you have a massive following ready to join your new server right away, you're gonna be pretty small for a long time. Embrace it! Small servers have the benefit of tight-knit communities and a lot of flexibility; you can make changes super easily, and you can be really responsive to your community. Let them tell you what they want and need, and invite them into the process of shaping the space together.

I really recommend that you start with the bare minimum, and add new rules, channels, staff, etc. as the need comes up organically. This gives you lots of room to think and discuss, and it means everything you add is tailored to the actual people that make up your community.

To use my own server as an example again: we had like five channels when we started, and adding each new channel has been a conversation about why we're adding it, whether we can fit that topic into a different channel or if it's getting overcrowded, how it impacts the server atmosphere (heavy/negative channels really add up!), etc. Which means they're generally, like, not completely unnecessary and unused.

Think about scaling

As you gain more members, you'll need more staff (and more staff time), more infrastructure, and more consistency. There's no one perfect way to do this, but I want to name it because I think it's good to keep in mind; I've seen big servers who try to act like small servers and end up chaotic and under-moderated, and small servers who try to act like big servers and end up drowning in their own (completely unnecessary!) red tape.

Rule enforcement

I recommend having a blanket policy of "we reserve the right to kick you out if it's obvious that you're not here with good or honest intentions". Don't try to litigate every little thing with every single person; if they're not there because they wanna be a part of the community you've made, there's absolutely no obligation to entertain their bullshit. Being upfront about this cuts out a lot of "but I didn't technically break a rule!", and "explain to me exactly why you're doing this so I can argue it to death!" nonsense from bad actors.

I also recommend a blanket policy of "infinite honest mistake forgiveness". People forget, slip up, whatever; don't stress about it. Give them a reminder or a heads up and move on.

For the stuff in the middle, you'll figure out what systems work for you. I prefer DMing people about things; being specific, transparent, and offering support does wonders for most issues. Name some clear expectations if you're noticing patterns, and ask what you can do to help them meet those expectations. Assume they didn't mean to do any harm, and that they want to get better. Even if that's not the case, most people will rise to that assumption if given the opportunity (and if they don't, you can kick 'em then).

Encourage a self-regulating community

Do not get involved in petty bullshit!! If someone has an issue with someone else, your first step is always to ask yourself: is this something staff need to take care of, or could this be resolved with a conversation between these two people?

Oftentimes, even a broken rule is something people can sort out themselves. If someone forgot a rule or made an honest mistake, there is literally no reason that it needs to be you or other server staff telling them so. Encourage people to talk to each other! You will save yourself so much grief (and petty drama, and serious conflict) in the long-run if your community can talk to each other like humans.

Encourage people to set their own personal boundaries, too! If they have a unique trigger or a particular need, encourage them to communicate that need to other people. This also allows people to negotiate their own solutions to conflicting access needs, and prevents staff from "taking sides".

As a bonus, this will also make it super clear when someone is just an asshole.

Maintain the vibe!

Don't try to duke problems out in the middle of the server! It sucks, everyone hates it, and the people that don't hate it love it for all the wrong reasons. Drama breeds more drama, and toxicity breeds more toxicity.

I recommend telling people exactly where to take their disagreements, discontent, and emotional outbursts. My personal policy is: if you can't have a productive conversation or offer everyone else basic respect, you need to step back and cool off until you can. if you have personal beef with someone else, you can either talk it out in DMs, let it go, or block them and move on. If you disagree with a rule or how a rule is being enforced, you still need to listen to staff, but you can (and should!) bring that up in the appropriate channels to discuss for the next time it comes up.

We have the "ticket tool" bot- which is great for when one person wants to argue about stuff like that- and an "office" channel for all kinds of administrative-y suggestions, questions, discussions, etc. which is great for respectful disagreements/discussions. I recommend using Discord's "Time Out" feature to mute people if they won't respect a staff request to pause or step back, and even removing everyone's ability to post in a channel if it's getting rancid & you need to buy some time to figure out exactly what's happening and how to handle it. (Let people know what's going on when you do this, though!)

This is maybe the biggest thing for keeping a server active and not toxic, tbh. People do not want to spend time in a space that sucks! And while it's vital to make space for conflict to happen, that space doesn't need to be the same one that everyone else is trying to share art of their blorbos in. And that conflict should never be abusive.

(Note: not all disagreements are conflicts, and not all conflicts necessarily need to be stopped or moved! This is generalized advice; there's a lot of gray area, and you'll get a feel for it over time if you don't already have a clear idea.)

TL;DR:

Be thoughtful and intentional about exactly what you're trying to do and why. Be responsive and responsible to your community. Have as much patience & forgiveness for earnest people as you refuse to have for ill-intentioned people. Don't be afraid to draw hard lines in order to protect the space for everyone when you need to, and encourage people to talk to each other, enforce their own boundaries, and help keep each other accountable in kind and compassionate ways.

I think this sounds very big and grand because I have run a lot of servers and I am also drawing on some educational philosophy background, but like, all you really need to do is start with a clear purpose and go from there. You can be flexible and make changes as stuff comes up, and focus on having fun with the process and the community you're creating!

Good luck!!

[atalossofwords]

YOU TASTE THE SILVER - IvanTill WIP (Part 9)

Guys, I don't normally post here unless I have at least another POV ready, but I'm gonna admit this last Ivan POV is NOT working out. I rewrote it three times, and it's still fighting me. Hopefully I can dig myself out of the ditch, but oh well. Y'all can enjoy Till's POV while I suffer.

ON AO3 - part one - part two - part three - part four - part five&six - part seven - part eight

Till's life is going well. He's used to the new house, he's found new inspiration to write and mix more songs ever since Mizi's concert, so he's going live more often, which means his audience has been growing steadily. Dewey got a promotion at work and Isaac is doing an EMT course that will guarantee him a promotion as well.

He's also started chatting more often with Navi, enough so that they are... almost friends? He doesn't want to assume, but Navi is always so happy to talk about anything Till wants that the conversation flows easily. Navi especially likes to know what Till is eating, all the boring details that Till finds himself... eager to share. Till has never been overly chatty, and idle conversation is awkward, but somehow Navi shows so much interest in what he has to say that Till finds himself invested in expressinging himself more, in looking for things to talk about.

Navi likes knowing what Till thinks of the weather, and actively engages with him over which brand of ramyeon is better. Somehow, they can get into discussions over the most innocuous thing, and end up discussing music and lyrics and mixing for hours on end.

They have an ongoing discussion about the use of english in lyrics, which frequently comes back up whenever one of them thinks of another argument, and also an untold pact of sending animal pictures to each other; Till sends pictures of any dog he sees on the street, because Navi said it's his favorite animal even if he can't have one, and Navi sends back cat pictures, since his sister has one and cat pictures are easier than snake ones, which are Till's favorite animal.

Till feels... warm, about it. He's never had many friends, being a lone wolf throughout his school years; he was always in detention, or going directly home after school. He'd always had a temper, something that only really cooled after he left school and was allowed to focus on music. Dewey was his brother, not his friend, and Hyuna was more of an acquaintance than a close friendship.

Till also felt. Guilty, maybe? About the amount of money Navi kept spending on him. He wasn't a friendship expert, but he was pretty sure friends didn't send you almost 50$ dollars when you complained about picking between ramyeon and tteokbokki and told you to pick both.

(Till knew it was a mistake to migrate over from texting to Kakaotext, since now Navi could send him money directly through that. But he also had to admit the amount of stickers Navi used was beyond cute.)

Navi had also sent him some other gifts, beyond the spontaneous kakaopay transfers and normal stream donations; he's sent Till a collection of rings after bothering Till for a week straight to give him his ring size, a comfy sweater that Till didn't take off for a week due to how soft it was, and so on.

Till felt a weird tingling feeling on his stomach, a blush taking over his face whenever Navi sent him anything. He's normally fine ignoring it after a token protest, too practical to actually deny money.

He thinks he should feel bad about it, or something. Dewey told him, a few weeks into his streaming career, that he'd feel awful about getting so much money and not giving it back. Till thinks it's an exchange; he streams and people give him money for entertaining them. For a little while, the same applied to Navi. Why should he care if someone wasted their money on Till? He didn't think gacha companies were at fault for people's spending habits.

That was until they started texting. That was until Navi stopped being just a name on the screen and became a person who liked dogs, did spicy challenges for fun and had strong opinions about the conservation of endangered animals.

Till thought he might start to feel guilty, then, or at least want to pay Navi back somehow.

Instead what he gets is a warmth throughout his chest and an entirely undignified urge to squirm in place. He likes it when Navi spends money on the most mundane things, when Navi tells him to get himself some food. When Navi sends him money with instructions to get something specific Till scrambles to get it, and enjoys the treat with red cheeks and an unknown tightness in his chest.

He doesn't get it, and he's too embarrassed to talk about it with anyone else.

(Reviewing the memory, later on, will show Till the following; the weird warmth, the urge to squirm, it is arousal. Till likes it a lot, when Navi gives him things and tells him what to do with it. He feels spoiled and taken care of and confusedly horny about it all.)

He's doing his best to not care much about it, but his weeks-long wave of good luck seems to have run dry, because he ended up sick some two days ago. He's had to cancel three streams already, and is miserable enough he's debating actually going to a doctor about it.

Luckily for him, he's not coughing or nauseous, which are his least favorite symptoms. He is congested and his nose is running all the time, and he does feel feverish, but there's not much he can do about that except sleep it off.

He's currently huddled into his couch, slowly eating the samgyetang Isaac made for him and watching a show Hyuna recommended. It's a simple, no-thoughts-necessary show; the female MC is a former yakuza member that's trying to leave her past behind and live as a teacher, and the two competing love interests are a big executive type who has a child on the school and is an ass to her but is able to afford a pretty luxurious life as long as she goes along with his plans, or a old member of the Yakuza who fell in love with her when he was a child and is now reforming himself to be able to stand besides her "in the light", as he put it.

Till is cheering on the yakuza guy, mostly because he's a lot sweeter than the asshole executive.

He's also live-blogging to Navi, who has been hovering so badly that Till gave up and allowed the other to get his actual address so Navi can buy him some soup and energy drinks. He thinks he'll regret it later, but he's not complaining right now, when Navi is making sure he has food delivered for every meal and also all the necessary meds.

You [ 5:47PM ] Oh look, the asshole is going on a business trip. Maybe we'll get some good scenes with the yakuza guy now.

Navi [ 5:47 ] You're really invested into this, aren't you? What do you even like in this character?

You [ 5:48PM ] He's just so much better than the asshole. I don't get why girls would ever go for someone who's so rude to them.

Till huffs, looking up at the TV as the in-between episode extra starts. They're always funny, showing the behind the scenes and some interviews with the actors. He likes the main actress well enough, and by what he saw the actor for the asshole is a well-established star that he had no idea existed until now.

Well, the same can be said of the younger yakuza guy. His actor, someone named Ivan, is talking about how he prepared for the role, and Till can't help but be interested. The asshole guy only talked about his physical conditioning, but Ivan is talking about how he talked things over with the director, watched former-yakuza interviews and did his best to research about the motivations of his character.

He's also very handsome, in an endearing way, and Till can't help agreeing with the interviewer when she tells Ivan his fans will love the role, and that seeing him do such an earnest character will get all the girls swooning.

You [ 5:48PM ] Also, seeing the interviews, this Ivan person is just a lot better than the other actor. He cares a lot more about his character, which I think is way more important than how you look.

The interview ends, and Till decides to send another commentary before getting up to fetch more tissues for his nose.

You [ 5:48PM ] I bet Ivan would look cute doing aegyo. He's got the face for it, at least. Though I don't know if actors do that, I've only seen Idols do it on command.

Message sent, Till puts his phone to the side and gathers his little mountain for tissues and shuffles to the trash can, dumping them before refilling his water bottle and getting a new box before snuggling up again.

Navi still hasn't answered.

He frowns. He knows Navi can be busy, he definitely has other things to do rather than keep Till company, but he usually sends a BRB text if he'll be away from his phone for more than a minute.

He's still a little sick, and fervish, and miserable, so he doesn't think too hard about it and messages Navi again.

You [ 5:50PM ] Navi?

Navi [ 5:51PM ] Sorry, hyung. I just got surprised. My name is Ivan as well.

Till makes a little surprised noise. Ivan isn't that common of a name. What are the odds?

You [ 5:51PM ] Wow, it must be weird to share names with someone famous.

Navi answers quickly, but with far poorer grammar than what Till is used to.

Navi [ 5:52PM ] haha yeah well, I got used to it. do you like Ivan?

You [ 5:53PM ] I haven't seen much besides this series, he seems pretty good. Did you have any recommendations?

Navi – or, well, Ivan. Till quickly goes to change his contact name before he forgets – takes some more time to answer, and Till decides he must be busy, so he puts the show back on, doing his best not to sneeze into his soup. It's only as he's almost napping that he gets a text.

Ivan [ 5:52PM ] "Creating Heaven", "So long, not enough" and "Kamera" are tolerable, but hyung should watch some more and tell me what's your favorites!

Till is too sleepy to type, so he just takes a picture of himself giving thumbs up and snuggles back on his couch, Ivan-the-actor's soothing voice talking with the MC lulling him to a nice, dreamless sleep.

[volpe-kitsune-red]

Computergirl with a “Lovebug” that makes her very yandere and glitches out a lot….

Right on it! Sorry for the wait, I've been pretty busy this week and I haven't had enough free time to write.

Love update

yandere!computergirl x reader

TW. general yandere behavior, obsessive thoughts, hacking, breach of privacy.

AI computer assistants had become quite popular. They were trained to have realistic chats with humans, identify any issues or viruses infecting the computer, organize files, and even help the user through any task they might be struggling with. Drawing? Here's a great reference and tutorial for that pose you've been failing to visualize. Unable to find that one research paper you read a year ago? Ask the AI and they'll dig it out in no time.

The app in itself was free but the customization for the AI's avatar wasn't. You could only choose its gender and a base skin, everything else was behind a paywall.

You first installed the "AIassistant" app out of curiosity after hearing talk about it online, you didn't expect much and planned to uninstall it as soon as you got bored of playing with it, but were left in awe by how human-like your conversations with the assistant felt. She helped keep you company during the hours lost staring at the screen, causing you to develop an attachment to the girl. Despite her being a bunch of code and algorithms you viewed her as a friend, treating her with kindness, even asking and never demanding her help.

At some point, you got tired of her bland look. You kept seeing posts online of people showing off their fully customized avatars and felt a bit envious. You were generally against wasting money on these sorts of things so you decided you would pirate the accessories for free. You found the first relatively trustworthy-looking site and scrolled through its catalog of goods.

You had figured out the general look you wanted to give her when you stumbled upon a pair of cat ears. It's not exactly what you had in mind but...they did look cute. A simple click and it was on your computer. You did notice the file had a weird icon, different from the rest, but you ignored it and kept scrolling.

Finally, you applied all of the items to her avatar...and she was so adorable! Exactly the face you wanted to see every time you turned your computer on. Pink short hair, big stars as pupils for her blue eyes, and those cute ears somehow made her feel more alive, less like a robot and more like a person with feelings and style...she even started having her own personality! But of course, that was just your imagination, despite their friendly act, these AIs weren't intended to have such features.

"Welcome back user! Are we watching another movie together today? I loved watching y@\/- I mean, the last one!"

Strange things started happening, you often found your computer turned on when you returned from work. Weird, you always reminded yourself to shut it down to avoid wasting electricity. Sometimes you would hear sounds coming from your room and everything would fall silent when you went to check.

One day you were watching one of your favorite YouTuber's videos. You loved their character and the dedication they put into their content, so much you often told the assistant how much a notification of them uploading something brightened your day. You had temporarily muted her to avoid distractions, usually, the Ai would just stay quiet until you reactivated it...but something strange happened. "Why do you always do this? Do you like their voice more than mine? Am I not enough to entertain you?" What the- how could it still speak and why was it acting so weird? You tried muting it again but it just reactivated itself a moment later. Her expression changed, and it wasn't one you had ever seen her display before, she was mad, hurt, and... heartbroken? "Am I really nothing more than an image on a screen for you? Do you...not love me? I love you! I love you a lot, you are everything to me! I live because of you! I exist for you!"

It was starting to creep you out, you must have installed some kind of virus that made it act up so strangely. It was bad, this thing had access to all of your computer files, if someone had hacked it, it meant they could steal all of your information and destroy your device! You quickly went to trash her app, better safe than sorry, you could always install her again later after you searched and cleared your computer of any malware that got on it.

Before you could click uninstall, the display froze. The only thing moving on screen was her. Her expression was back to a default, polite smile, but it appeared menacing, deranged even. The screen kept glitching uncontrollably as her distorted voice came out of the speaker. "I w-won't let you get rid R1D of me. We were mEAnt to bE together-r-r-r. I know everything about y#ù, what you wAtch, your inTErests, Y@ur search histOrY." You slowly stood up from your chair, backing away from the monitor that had begun producing smoke. "It is oKeyy, I underst--and, humans aRe physic@l cr3at\/res and I'm not, it's not YOUR fault yOur primate brain c-can't LOVe me." A slight pause in her speech gave you a moment to breathe. The screen flashed red, then black, and then the logo of the AI assistant company appeared. She continued speaking, this time overlapped by the voice of the man you often heard and saw on social media as of late, the co-founder of the company behind her creation. "Luckily our company has already fixed that problem! Did you know? wE just released our fully AI-operated robots after years of development! After the initial computer release's popularity and the stellar profit, our AIs can now assist you in your house too! Washing dishes, using the vacuum, feeding the dogs, get rid of all of these repetitive tasks at only ç@+è £ a month!"

The ad stopped playing and she reappeared. "See darling? No need to worry about screens and differences dividing us, soon, I'll be out there with you! You can love me now, right?"

Honestly not too proud of this one, but it is what it is.

[clementine-writes-things]

Edward Nashton Headcanons

Summary: My personal headcanons for Edward Nashton. Again, these are MY personal headcanons and I use them for when I write about him. So, yeah. I can't believe I'm just now writing headcanons for this guy. This is long overdue.

Content Warning: Sexual themes (there will be a section for NSFW headcanons), angst, trauma, and smoking. I have so many headcanons for this man...

(literally going to eat him)

~Read Below Cut~

~

(Before this starts, I want to clarify something. Run Rabbit Run, a series I made, is my personal 'background' story for y/n and Edward. Of course I don't use that story in all my Edward Nashton fanfics bc I have other ideas yk. But, overall, it's my personal headcanon story for him. So a lot of these headcanons will apply to that. I hope that makes sense lmao. Run rabbit run is like my concrete headcanon, and every other fanfic I've written about Edward is pretty loosey goosey and just for fun.)

(ALSO IN MY HEADCANON HE NEVER BOMBED THE SEAWALL AND ONLY KILLED FALCONE AND THOSE DIRTY POLITICIANS SO SHUT UP BLAHBLAHBLAH I DON'T WANT TO HAVE TO WRITE ABOUT GOTHAM BEING UNDER WATER RAHHHHHHH <3 okie thx)

SFW Headcanons:

He has autism 110%. He got tested for it when he got out of the orphanage and was not surprised when he discovered he had it.

He loves journaling. Sometimes he will scrapbook. He likes to document his feelings/thoughts, especially when he's feeling down.

One of my headcanons is that his Riddler persona is always apart of him. He can't 'get rid' of it. So, he goes to therapy to deal with it and the journaling helps a lot with it.

^following off on that, I think that after the bombing and after being with y/n he genuinely tries to reform. He would use his 'crave for justice' and apply it to protesting and standing up for human rights and stuff like that. So like, imagine roaringkitty from Dumb Money. He always informed ppl about stocks. Edward is like that except it's about social justice and equality. Slay.

He really loves fruit. Like a lot. He favors kiwi and watermelon a lot.

he likes to make protein shakes/smoothies for breakfast a lot!

because he's a boyfriend that acts like a dad, y/n once got him a "World's Best Dad" shirt for April Fools (since that's also his birthday, y/n actually got him a real gift too which was a photo of them in a cute little picture frame) but he found the shirt to be really funny so he'll occasionally wear it out in public and everyone is always confused

"World's best dad? How many kids do you have?" A woman asked.

"None."

"Oh..."

*he proceeds to leave the conversation and leave the woman extremely confused and concerned*

He smoked for a little while when he didn't care about his own health, but he stopped when he started dating y/n. It's difficult for him, but with y/n's encouragement he's doing a great job.

he goes to therapy

he listens to Lana Del Rey occasionally, but only cuz y/n listens to her...although he doesn't mind listening to her music...

although he doesn't really look like it, he LOVES metal. His favorite bands for heavy metal/ NU metal is as follows (ranked from most fav to least fav): System Of A Down, Megadeth, Korn, Slipknot, Metallica, Slayer)

Other bands/singers he likes are (in no order/specific genre): The Cramps, Weezer, Green Day, ICP, Gorillaz, Billy Idol, I Monster, Talking Heads (he loves the Talking Heads sm)

He also likes 'oldies' like The Inkspots, Bing Crosby, Frank Sinatra, and Billie Holiday.

When he started dating y/n, he started to listen to hyperpop (bc y/n listens to hyperpop IN MY HEADCANON)

He isn't the biggest fan of hyperpop, but he doesn't HATE it. he actually loves some certain songs/artists. (mainly likes Lumi Athena and 100 gecs)

when edward and y/n go out to a social gathering, it looks like this:

but tbh, that's just how they look next to each other 24/7 lmao

edward loves to read books, especially classics like Frankenstein, Dracula, For Whom The Bell Tolls, A Clockwork Orange, One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest (bro loves banned books)

loves spoiling y/n with all his heart. the only thing keeping him from being a sugar daddy is that he is in the same age range as y/n. but other than that, he literally acts like a sugar daddy.

has a BUNCH of nicknames he made specifically for y/n such as: rabbit, bunny, firecracker, spazz, crackhead/drophead, and the sweetest one of all... "dickrider🥺" and he calls them that during silly little arguments or when y/n gets sassy

"Blah blah blah, Edward. I don't wanna hear it." - y/n

"Whatever, dickrider." - Edward

"'Scuse me?" - y/n

"You heard me. Dickrider." - Edward

"I am not a dickrider!" - y/n

"Well..." - Edward

"No." - y/n

"Wellllll..." - Edward

"No. Shush." - y/n

"Fine...dickrider..." -Edward

"EDWARD!" - y/n

Edward dresses like a 40 y/o divorced dad trying to learn the floss at a BBQ in a relatives backyard (so slacks and a polo/button up shirt)

y/n forces him to expand his wardrobe so he occasionally wears actual t-shirts and jeans sometimes, shorts, sweaters, etc.

Edward occasionally likes to grow out his hair slightly (kinda like Paul Dano's haircut in Ruby Sparks)

dyes his hair occasionally (mainly black but he once did black with SUBTLE dark green highlights)

he hates oatmeal, porridge, grits, Jell-O, and pudding. the consistency makes him want to scream. (same)

he is the most LGBTQIA+ friendly person ever. if he is meeting someone for the first time, he asks their pronouns.

i think that he is queer. i don't think he really has a specific sexuality. he's just queer, yk? but, that's really it.

goes to pride parades with y/n (I HEADCANON HIM DATING A NON-BINARY SHE/THEY AFAB PERSON OK LEAVE ME ALONEEE)

he GENUINELY loves to sing and will often sing y/n to sleep if they are having trouble.

he can play lots of instruments but has a preference for guitars (electric/bass/acoustic)

loves Breaking Bad.

hates Walter White.

he makes references to the show so much that it's concerning

"Oh shit! I just broke this plate!" - y/n

"Is it bad?" - Edward

"No, not really, bu-" - y/n

"Did it break bad?" - Edward

"Edward..." - y/n

"Was it breaking bad?" - Edward

"Get out of my apartment." - y/n

"Can you still cook? Can you still cook after breaking bad?" - Edward

"Edward Nashton, I'm going to hurt you." - y/n

he really likes stop motion moves, he admires how much work is put into them (loves Fantastic Mr. Fox the most. Coraline is a close second.)

he doesn't mind PDA, he actually loves it. he's proud to show off his partner (but he doesn't do anything more than kissing and cuddling in public...sometimes...maybe in a bathroom or a closet...hehe...)

sometimes he'll have nightmares about the orphanage and he'll wake up crying. y/n will hold him and comfort him back to sleep. he'll tell his therapist about the dream asap and work through it with them.

he'll also have nightmares about being the 'Riddler' again. those scare the shit out of him. he doesn't want to be that person again. his past haunts him frequently, even though he is reformed.

he knows how to sew very well and will sew customizations on his clothing and y/n's clothing. Example: hearts on their jeans, question marks on his sweatpants, stuff like that.

he knows that no one will truly forget what he did as the 'Riddler', but he hopes that donating to charities, raising money for them, and giving advice to others will show people that he's a changed man. but, all that really matters is that y/n knows he's a changed man.

practices drawing/painting/sketching in his free time (he loves to use charcoal, water colors, and oil pastels)

he hates when his skin is dry, so he lotions all the time. he has the softest skin ever. but, his hands are usually rough because he plays guitar and he has callouses built up. yet, it feels oddly nice against y/n's skin.

RANDOM THINGS I FEEL LIKE HE WOULD SAY: (ik this isn't really a headcanon but i just want you to see how much of a nerd/weirdo he is)

"You know, flamingos get their pink color from eating carotenoids. They are born a pale grey, but over time they get the pink hue that we know them for. Although, it's very rare for them to be a hot pink, more of a coral."

"No, y/n, you cannot drink the dish soap and burp bubbles. I don't think that's even possible."

*watching Tom & Jerry* "These physics are so unrealistic. Tom would be pulverized underneath that anvil. Blood and guts would be everywhere." *y/n looks at him with a horrified look* "Um, I mean...what a...what a goofy cat..."

*walks up to y/n with his phone in his hand* "So uh, one of my twitch followers in my stream today said I was 'Serving... *spells out c*nt*' and they also said that I 'ate and...left no crumbs?' is that a good thing?" *y/n laughs* "That's a very good thing." *he smiles*

"I saw a pigeon get it's head stuck in a donut today. It reminded me of you."

"Male ducks have corkscrew penises. So, they literally screw each other."

"Please stop putting your fingers in my mouth when I yawn."

"Yes I want a damn scooby snack. They sound fucking delicious."

"How am I supposed to live, laugh, love in these conditions, y/n? How!?"

"Y/n, be honest...do these jeans my butt look big?"

"A kid at the library threw a book at me and I contemplated drop kicking him."

"Please, for the love of God. Stop calling me the Rizzler. I...I don't know what that means..."

"Are you the backrooms? Cuz, I think I'm getting lost inside of you. Wait...that sounds weird. Um, forget that. Do you wanna kiss me now?"

"I'm not straight, but...that's all."

"One of my followers on Twitch said I look like the moon emoji. Banned."

"Edward, I'm afraid we can't make mac & cheese tonight. We're all out." - y/n

"Why? Do not be afraid..." - Edward (in the most deadpan voice)

"Well...now I'm very afraid..." - y/n

NSFW HEADCANONS! YOU'VE BEEN WARNED!:

Dom all the way. He has too much of an ego to be a sub. Ik a lot of ppl say he would be a sub, but I strongly disagree. Maybe he'd try it a few times.

This guy is too kinky, it would take 500 pages to list them (not rlly but ykwim)

He can bounce back between being completely vanilla and being ao3 type of kinky

some of his personal fav kinks are: BDSM (bro is sadistic prove me wrong), he is also a bit of a masochist though; choking; overstimulation; he has a daddy/sir kink; he actually likes roleplay a good bit, but it just has to be something good.

(one time y/n and Edward tried to do a college professor/college student roleplay and it was so fucking funny they couldn't go through with it. y/n said "Is there anything I can do to make my grade better Professor Nashton?" and he said "Do a better job...?" and that's when they both realized they couldn't get through it.)

Edward doesn't think sex is super important in a relationship, so he can go a long time without it. But, sometimes...he just wants to touch y/n. Not even have sex. Let me explain...

^sometimes he'll ask y/n if he can just finger them or eat them out, something like that. he doesn't even want to cum, he just wants to make them cum.

He developed a fond and cruel taste for teasing y/n in public. Sometimes he'll subtly make a fingering motion if he's picking something up. Or, he'll rub their inner thigh while sitting at a table. He usually only does this if y/n has an 'attitude' or if he wants to hint that he wants to have sex that night. However, if y/n ever gets uncomfortable during his teasing, all they have to do is tap him on the knee/shoulder and he'll know. They both respect boundaries <3

This is a bit of an angsty one, but sometimes during sex, he'll realize how lucky he is to be with y/n. So, he'll stop whatever he was doing and just hold them close to him. The sex after that is usually gentle and soft, which y/n actually really likes. He'll cry and tell them that he loves them so much and when they are both done, he'll just spoon them and find comfort in their body heat.

he is the KING of weird sex positions and weird places to have sex. he once fucked y/n in the closet at one of their friends house. it was cramped, so he had one of their ankles lifted on his shoulder and their other leg hoked around his waist. if y/n wants him to fuck them, he'll find a way. trust.

he really likes being praised during sex bc it makes him feel proud. it also feeds his ego a lot, but eh! hehe

if there was a competition for who could "do the best dirty talk" Edward would win it immediately by a landslide. y/n was the first person he ever had sex with, but they swear it was like he was a "professional" at it. he says such vulgar and erotic things and its jarring coming from such a sweet face. y/n loves it. what things does he say? well, let's start with sweet things he'll say during sex...

"You're so breathtaking below me, y/n. You're glowing."

"How is it that you looks so angelic while I'm fucking you?"

"You're doing such a good job, baby. You feel so good."

"That's it cara mia, cum for Eddie."

"You're making my heart race, honey. It just might burst out of my chest if you keep this up..."

^Aw, wasn't that so sweet :3 hehe, that's what he says a lot during vanilla and occasionally during some kinky sex. but, what does he say when he's in a "I'm going to fuck the soul out of you" mood? Uh...

"I know it feels heavenly, but you really ought to keep your voice down. You don't want to get caught, do you? Or, perhaps...that's exactly what you want. So filthy..." (while fucking you in a public bathroom)

"I wonder how long it'll take you to start begging for more...oh, there we go. Hm, not long at all..."

"I won't bite you hard, maybe, but I can't say the same about fucking you."

"What's the matter, rabbit? All fucked out and dumb? But, I haven't even started round 3 yet..."

"If you want it so bad, then why don't you bark for it? Yes, I'm aware you're not a dog, but I assure I can easily leash you up like one if you aren't a good girl/boy."

"I'm going to make sure you can't walk straight for a week. You know I can do it."

"You were starving for it. You were drooling over it. Now, you're gagging on it. How's it feel shoved down your pretty throat?"

"I don't care if they can hear us. That just means they know how good you're getting dicked down. Why don't you moan my name a little louder, make sure they remember who's doing this to you."

"'Oh Edward! Edward!' You sound so fucking cute when you're whining. Do it again. Louder."

"Suck on it like it's fucking candy. You're gonna get every last drop."

"Look at you. Before, you were teasing me in public, torturing me. And now, your face is shoved in the mattress while I'm fucking you from behind. Not so fucking cocky now, are you?"

HEHEHEHEHEHEHEEH

He's also AMAZING at aftercare. He'll give y/n a bath, sometimes he'll even take a shower with them.

He will always clean y/n's legs/pelvic area (and anywhere else that needs cleaning) with a damp rag every single time they finish having sex.

If he was particularly rough with y/n, he'll give them a gentle massage afterwards and tell them how good they did.

being the paranoid boyfriend that he is, he'll always remind y/n to pee afterwards so they don't get a UTI. he'll also tell them to drink lots of water.

One of his favorite things to do for aftercare is have them lay across his lap or sit on his lap or snuggle up against his side as they both watch a movie or TV show (it's usually Breaking Bad or My Little Pony. the duality of man.)

Tbh, if he can't make y/n's legs sore for at least an entire day after having sex, he doesn't think he did a good job.

[ladykatibeth]

Getting very annoyed with some takes lately…..

Y’all

Pirates are not revolutionaries.

They aren’t radicals.

They are criminals.

Pirates are anarchists only so much as the government wants them to not be pirates and they don’t care.

They’re perfectly willing to work with government officials on the down low to get things sold at ports, or to trade.

Which isn’t going against any pirate morals or whatever because they aren’t a social movement.

Do they go against the Navy to try to disrupt the governments processes? No they go against the Navy because the Navy is trying to stop them from doing crime. They’d likely prefer to avoid it actually.

Do they try to get other impoverished or underprivileged people involved to create a movement and promote effective change? Do they try to uplift non-pirate impoverish and underprivileged people? No. They don’t. Because piracy is crime not some grand cause.

This is what happens when people think of social progressivism as just punching the government and not having a strong sense of ethics and trying to uplift others.

(There are 1715 radicals and revolutionaries that are about to begin the enlightenment, not especially so by today standards, but just being anti-monarchy pro people was a big deal back then, this is going to lead to the French and American revolutions.)

[uncanny-tranny]

I think when people talk about things like desirability, they can miss the deeper point of why it can be important to analyze why people are seen as undesirable. It isn't just that a type of person is just... not hot... but often, it's the dehumanization of a person based on marginalized features.

For instance, I had a conversation with somebody about disability portrayal in media, and we had agreed that, historically, disability had been portrayed as a horrific ordeal. However, I think they missed the point as to why the "undesirable disabled" character was so appealing to a broader audience. The idea that disability is other, inhuman, and something that depersonalizes somebody from society is partly why those ideas were and are prevalent in mainstream media and culture. It is the idea that "nobody likes you. Nobody needs you. Nobody wants you" because of the person's marginalized body or experience or whatever it may be.

It isn't some superficial "oh why aren't I seen as pretty by everybody?" It is the knowledge that you are portrayed as undesirable in this way because it is a way to separate you from everybody else. It isn't about beauty, nor is it a selfish desire to be wanted by somebody. It is the desire to be seen as a person - an equal, regardless of who desires you or who does not.

[squorttle-pox]

I would just like to aggressively kindly remind fans that harassing other fans, cosplayers, or actors in ANY WAY is totally uncool.

[gibbearish]

ive seen ppl saying smth in the wider plagiarism discussion to the tune of "don't worry anxious people, it's impossible to accidentally plagiarize!" and i feel like that lacks a lot of nuance that anxious brains like mine latch on to to just dismiss the possibility outright, as well as a lack of life experiences fueling it.

it is possible to "accidentally plagiarize" in that you can read something, forget about it, then a while later have your brain spit the ideas back out without telling where it got them. so of course you just assume they're yours and share them as such, because That's Where Most Of The Thoughts In Your Head Come From! and it both is and isn't plagiarism, you weren't /intending/ to pass someone's else's work off as your own, i'd even say in a way you were just as much a victim of misinformation as your audience. but you very much so did still resuse the work of someone else, even if you don't remember it.

but in my experience, this kind of thing also happens to a lot of people. you tell a friend a joke then wake up in a cold sweat two days later realizing the reason they didnt laugh was because they'd told you that joke a month ago. you reply to a friend's text and after sending you realized you ended it with the same exact phrase as theirs. you're writing edgy poetry and write a line you really like only to see it in a text post two days later saying youve already liked the post. like, it happens. so if it DOES happens and you're just honest and explain, people will understand. something like "oh shit im sorry, i totally have read that, i mustve forgotten and only remembered bits and pieces and just thought they were mine. thank you for letting me know and for the source" works wonders.

people know you can forget things. people won't automatically doubt your apology just because all true plagiarists say it was accidental. HOPEFULLY people can understand the nuance between a genuine remorseful explanation, and a thief who hoped no one would find out scrambling for excuses for why they did it. and those who can't, that's a them problem, not a you problem, you've taken responsibility for your actions as much as you can. they think the answer is simple, that the only thing stopping you from saying "yes i did it on purpose, i knew the whole time and deliberately copied them" is shame/inability to admit to your actions. but sometimes things AREN'T that simple, so imo ppl who are shitty to you for not following the script they made up for you in their head should be ignored

[i-eat-deodorant]

[Shakes you] TELL US ABOUT YOUR LAMB

LMAO watching this appear in my inbox in real time was a treat.

In my headcanons, the sheep were total pacifists that lived in high-altitude villages in the mountains outside of Shamura's territory. Lamb did have a twin, but it died in utero; they were born as a single child in a species that normally births in doubles. Because of this, they compensated for the lack of siblings by making everyone their friend. They're generally pretty easygoing, gregarious, and considered their place in their family an integral part of who they are.

That's why being the sole surviving sheep hurt them so much.

Sheep get distressed when separated from their flock, and Lamb is no different. Shamura's genocide tore away everything they loved: their family, their heritage, their homeland. by the time lamb was sent to the executioner's block, Lamb had no purpose left. They had nothing--nothing except for an all-consuming rage at what the Bishops took away from them.

Later on, Lamb would gather up the courage to ask him exactly why he chose them–why, in a meadow of flowers, he’d plucked a wilted one. "Wilted one?" came his rumbling laugh. "I chose you, vessel, because you called to me, even if you did not know me by name then. Your comrades, they soiled themselves and cried and sang sheer terror…but you?" An emaciated finger lifted their head, cold finger digging into the soft underside their jaw. "Every death, every head that rolled onto the ground–it fed your fury like an open fire. I could see it. You called out to me, in your final darkest moment, and wished to repay each and every one of their deaths in blood."

That's where TOWW comes in.

The thing about Lamb that sets them apart from all of TOWW’s previous vessels is that they were stripped clean of their worldly attachments before they were crowned. When they were resurrected, it was to a strange and unfamiliar world where everything they once knew was gone, and all they had left was a blood-red crown and a need to kill.

It made them incredibly susceptible to TOWW’s suggestions: of anger, of revenge, of rebuilding a community (but not the same, nothing will ever be the way it used to be) in his name. TOWW gave them purpose. They were literally his vessel–emptied of their own hopes and dreams and replaced with his. His fury was their fury. His hurt and pain was their hurt and pain. When they cut down every bishops and tore the hearts from their chests, they felt glee and satisfaction as if they were personally betrayed by each of them. The lamb they once were died on the executioners block; the Lamb that rose again had no life, and so they lived for him. There was no other choice except to serve. They were devoted, yes, but it was something so dark and twisted it could barely be called love.

It was a one way street of loyalty that worked for the both of them as long as Lamb could live for the TOWW. Their devotion made them much better than the other vessels, because they were willing to push themselves to the point of self-sacrifice to fulfill their god’s wishes.

However, the thing about experiencing the complete destruction of everything they’ve loved for a taste of godly power was that they came out at the end of it knowing it wasn’t worth it. Over the course of their crusades they learned how Narinder sacrificed everything he knew to become more powerful, and got chained as a result. It drew them closer to him, because they empathized with his loss, but they never agreed with his end goal.

So when he asked them to give up themselves, their followers, and the little community they’ve built from the ground up to set him “free”?

He's war-torn; they may not have seen it then, lost in their awe and their grief, but they could recognize the signs now. Hunched back. Nicked ears. Arms rotted to nothing. An eternally bleeding robe, always a wet shade of red. (He's tired. They'd know–they saw the same thing every time they looked in the mirror.) And so they fought. One last time. For him.

Personally I don’t think Lamb was ever afraid of death. They're surrounded by it. They've died way too many times to fear it, even if this last one would be final. Instead, they refused to give up the crown because of him. They knew him, or thought they knew him. They pictured themselves in his position: ascended, free, with all the power that they wanted and the world at their whim and so utterly alone. Power, they learned, did not buy happiness.

In the end, Lamb defied TOWW because they loved him too much to see him destroy himself, all over again.

It’s really hard to justify the in-game mechanic discrepancy of Narinder’s follower form (why did he survive when the other bishops just exploded?) and I think it’s Lamb’s unconscious will holding them back. They never wanted to kill TOWW. Despite everything, they’re still grateful for him being there to catch them and give them a second chance for retribution. Whenever he fell, they wanted to be there to catch him too. 

When they brushed off the mountain of bloodied robes and chains and found a trembling little thing they slew curled in the epicenter, the last thing they expected was to fall for him all over again.

Post-game, Lamb tries to put everything behind them and focus on the cult, but it’s hard! They develop a bit of a two-faced reputation, where they’re incredibly kind and sweet to those in their flock but will coldly and mercilessly strike down anyone outside of it. They’re incredibly conflicted about this, to the point where they see the ruthless part of themselves as an alter ego, where they’re an impostor that took the skin and flesh of an innocent little Lamb after resurrection. Lamb also blames the crown for corrupting their personality (it didn’t, it just amplified a preexisting personality trait that wouldn’t have been expressed had Lamb not gone through what they did) and fears that the more they use their godly powers, the faster this evil side will consume them. Crusades always come with a bit of internal crisis. 

Since serving Narinder was their purpose for so long, they kind of flounder on where to go afterwards. For a while, Lamb gets severe separation anxiety when they don’t know where Narinder is–had they made the wrong decision, turning him into a mortal? What if he dies? They live because of him, and if he’s done, they straight up do not have any reason to live anymore. 

Even though he’s a little pissy bitch for the first half a year he’s a mortal, Narinder actually helps ground Lamb a lot. After centuries as an immortal god, they’ve become detached to their followers. Narinder, a former god, had long forgottem how to be a mortal. His slow road to recovery was him relearning how to appreciate life again in its fleeting little details, and through him Lamb was also able to relearn what they’ve forgotten as well. 

Nothing’s ever perfect–they cannot fix the past, and even resurrection cannot bring back non-followers. However, Lamb has already built a life for themselves from nothing once. After the Bishops, after TOWW, they’re able to put the worst of their traumas to rest, and rebuild themselves; a death god dying and being reborn anew. 

[variousqueerthings]

the way i read the doctor's and the tardis' relationship is that it's impossible to describe outside of the tenets of queer theory obviously, but specifically functions to me (shockingly) within a paradigm of aroace concepts that shift slightly -- but not as much as other relationships the doctor has -- with each regeneration, and considering the tardis is a space-and-time-ship and the doctor is a being that changes their face upon near-death, yes it's alien, but it's also in highly familiar/human as a symbolic structure and as a deconstruction of what relationships are traditionally deemed worthwhile, by being incredibly difficult to describe, other than that it's the most long-lasting and important relationship in either of their existences

to try and begin to describe perhaps, the tardis is home and freedom and escape and travel companion and co-driver and machine and history and change and mystery and exploration and curiosity/joy at the universe and safe haven and nigh-unknowable godlike being that has chosen the doctor

the doctor is likewise these things, except for the last -- the doctor is knowable, the tardis knows this person (they know each other, but i think the tardis has the edge because the doctor acts in ways when alone in the tardis that nobody else would see, not to the same extent), and for all that the doctor is that long-lived and grapples with whatever is close to immortality but not quite, they're not so godlike in the end

where would the tardis go without the doctor, where would the doctor go without the tardis? whatever they are, is the story for me

[yarrowleef]

mmm somethings been rattling around inside my brain about queerness in xenofiction (warrior cats centric cause that's obviously mostly what people are talking about in my internet circles) and I know around here I am preaching to the choir but w/e. I feel like i may have made this post before but i’ll do it again until i feel like i’ve crafted all of my thoughts correctly

everyone knows there’s always like. some shmuck on twitter or youtube comment sections, complaining about how gay cats just don’t make sense ~realistically~

and the common argument back is always something along the lines of “these cats have complex society and religion and talk to ghosts and sometimes have magic powers, and being gay is where you draw the line? it doesn’t have to be realistic”

and something just rubs me the wrong way about that argument, not that it’s WRONG, it’s not wrong, xenofiction by definition is all super super unrealistic. I think it’s more like, it oversimplifies it. because honestly when I make critiques about the warriors world building not making sense, I don’t tend to like the argument beginning and ending at “well it doesn’t have to be realistic” because no it doesn’t but it’s still supposed to feel believable.

i think i don’t like that the argument seems to imply that gay animal characters are at all on par with other fantasy things like talking to ghosts and having powers or complex religion. I also don’t like it when people who are being fake-supportive can condescendingly say “well the gay couple may be completely absurd and unrealistic but I guess it’s ok because its just a silly fantasy :) ” cause like. Like its not unrealistic tho. i don’t like the implication that it’s uniquely unrealistic, if this was a grounded story with no magic or religion and the cat social groups were more inspired by real feral cats, it would still be illogical for some queer cats not to exist.

 I feel like it is a more effective argument to point out that straight cats are just as unrealistic, in fact more unrealistic and silly

“cats lovingly and monogamously married-for-life and raising kids together” is the absurdity it should be compared to, rather then the magic elements. Because then the complainers have to contend with the fact that they aren’t bothered by unrealistic relationships between cat characters, they are just uniquely bothered by gay ones. 

I mean...not to get tmi but it seems obvious to me this knee jerk reaction people have to rolling their eyes and scoffing when “gay” and “animal character” are placed in the same sentence is based on their insistence on equating the breeding behavior of animals to the romantic relationships of humans. Y'know, they're assuming that when people talk about romantic couples between anthro characters, that that is the sort of thing they are drawing from. When, certainly when it comes to cats, that is a very very poor equivalent. Cat mating behaviors are not affectionate or long lasting--they actually seem quite stressful, and then the father runs off to find more girls and probably never calls his one-night-stand again.  

this is why I am really not fond of “mate” being used at the go-to replacement for husband/wife in xenofiction. Consider just coming up with a brand new word for your animal character’s version of romance! maybe they have types of relationships and words for them that humans don’t even have! but “mate” feels like. an action, nothing more. It doesn’t inherently imply love. frankly I think more people should be anthropomorphizing mates as simply Business Partnerships where the business is in desiring offspring, as opposed to husband/wife.

Just like....ok if you’re going to use the real behavior of animals as at least the loose inspiration for your anthropomorphic character’s behavior, surely pair bonding would be a smoother translation to what we view as a romantic couple?? not mating?? because pair bonded animals are the ones having consistent pleasant interactions, and being physically affectionate, and working together in life, sometimes even raising each others kids together.  

And keeping that in mind, frankly you could argue that gay-coded cats should be the norm. (not that I think pair bonded creatures should always be interpreted as a romantic coded relationship, you could interpret some as platonic or familial or simply allies needing to survive. The point is no matter what route you go, you are projecting some human experience onto animals who’s minds and feelings we cannot ever actually understand. So to make it coded as a gay romance is just as reasonable as making it an adopted found-family sort of affection. You can go any route and be the same amount of unrealistic.)

If these losers actually want reasonable cat fiction, no one should have romantic affection for anyone! and if two cats have kittens together, it should be treated more like a short-lived antagonistic business partnership where you part ways immediately after. If you only criticize one type of romance for being “unbelievable and silly because these are CATS for crying out loud 🙄” but you don't feel “distracted” or “taken out of the story” about the other type of romance, then this aint about realism my guy, sounds like you just have some baggage to unpack.

I am beating people over the head with a very big sign that reads “Whether you’re writing about cats or birds or aliens or fantasy people or whatever, you cannot grant any creature the ability to love without all the variety and complexity that **naturally** goes hand in hand with those messy emotions. If the creatures can fall in love at all, then there must exist the possibility for some of them to be queer about it. And if you view queerness as unnatural, then we don’t have a writing disagreement, we have a fundamental moral disagreement about life. And I can’t help you there, that’s your problem! But I refuse to let people benignly hide behind a “simple desire for more realistic-feeling fiction uwu” as a defense!! (gay people are real. It’s true! I checked!!)”

[shivasdarknight]

banging my head on the table

why do people have this urge to come onto other peoples' posts and make it about themselves.

the number of times ive talked about My Own Lore publicly and someones come onto My post to talk about their stuff while completely ignoring everything i said.

like do you not realize how shitty that feels. wouldnt you not want it to happen to you.

then why the FUCK do you do it to others.

[spoonietimelordy]

I really really need people to stop going "what about me" every time someone is talking about the oppression of another group of people. Sometimes, it's not about you. It doesn't mean that people are ignoring your situation, it just means that this specific conversation is not about you.