#believes that everything he does is driven by the most logical approach (which... i have my doubts but whatever)

[iwritenarrativesandstuff]

I hope people know that when I say I really like Mori, I don't mean that I actually like him, I mean that I want to dissect his brain under a microscope.

Creepy mafia doctor man who has committed war crimes and would do so again without any compunction, but only for the sake of a goal. Why are you the way that you are.

[infamous-empire]

So I watched The Sky Crawlers

Woo boy, this is gonna be a long one.

Alright, so I’ve been interested in Mamoru Oshi films for a long, long time. He’s one of the most acclaimed directors in the anime industry, and most of his films are highly-regarded masterpieces, so I’ve always had an interest in his work. Then I watched Ghost in the Shell and it didn’t do much for me, and I promptly lowered my expectations. Still, I was curious as to whether his other work was any better, and thankfully this one delivered

MASSIVE SPOILERS FOR THE ENTIRE MOVIE AHEAD

Firstly, there’s one thing I can’t help but talk about in regards to this film: the atmosphere. This film has one of the most immaculate vibes I’ve seen in anime, and that largely just comes down to how every single part of the film is built to convey it to near perfection. All of the characters, even the more lively ones, are more than a little apathetic with understated expressions, the sound design is subtle and tends to emphasize silence a lot of the time, Kenji Kawai’s musical score is just eerie & haunting.

Hell, even the shot composition supports this (and it should say something that this movie managed to make me catch on to something as subtle as shot composition), most of the scenes are framed in a way where the places they’re in feel empty and the characters seem utterly alone even when in places where there’s other people with them. And this is even further backed up by the fact that the film rarely, if ever, uses background extras, making even the more “crowded” scenes feel pretty empty compared to most anime.

All of this comes together to create a subtle feeling of haunting emptiness which permeates the entire film, a feeling which is perfectly complemented by the character writing. Now one of my biggest complaints with the last Oshii film I watched, Ghost in the Shell, was how barebones the character writing felt, making everyone feel so unenjoyably hollow, but Sky Crawlers manages to rectify this in two ways. The first being that it does feel like there’s a sense of personality to all the characters present, on the subtlest level, even the supporting characters have their own little quirks which set them apart, and the two main leads get some fantastic development, which I’ll get to in a moment.

The other thing I enjoyed about the character writing is how it took the dry hollowness of Oshii’s writing and actually made it a compelling part of the film. The main character, Kannami, is a bit bland on the surface, of the film’s primary characters, he’s by far the least emotive and expressive, always approaching everything with the same look of detached apathy and never seeming that interested even in the ongoing plot. However, this is all by design. He’s a Kildren, someone genetically engineered from birth to be eternally young and fight in this war forever. He has no past to speak of or future to look forward to, no loved ones to ground him or home to come back to, nothing to fight for or believe in. All he has is a robotic persistence to move forward in this war because that’s the only thing he’s ever known. And it’s that same hollowness which makes the film’s ending all the more poignant, he subtly grew to care and love over the course of the film, all climaxing when he finally had something to fight for and believe in at the very end. And even if he’s dead, his and what he fought for will continue forward through Kusanagi.

While I’m on the subject, I’mma also talk about the film’s other lead, Suito Kusanagi, since she’s by far the movie’s most interesting character. Throughout most of the film, she’s something of a mystery, she’s cold towards Kannami and we see bits & pieces of what she does without much understanding of her internal logic. We’re fed details about her one bit at a time and slowly come to understand her more and more in a way which is incredibly engaging for me. She’s a Kildren who’s survived longer than anyone could have predicted, driven to suicidal depression by the monotony of fighting a meaningless, repetitive war while living an empty, repetitive life. Despite her coldness, she’s the most emotional of the characters in the film, as it’s made clear she truly does care about those she fights with and has the most strong emotional moments of the film. And the ultimate resolution of her arc at the end, being inspired by Kannami’s drive to change things and seeing hope in the future for the first time in her life, is just beautiful.

One last thing about the character writing, having a strong backbone of characterization makes some of Oshii’s other writing quirks work a lot more for me, specifically the lengthy philosophical discussions. Mitsuya infodumping about the nature of the Kildren works really well since it also doubles as her having an existential crisis and being able to unload about it to someone for the first time to the point where she’s breaking down in tears by the end of it. Or Kannami philosophizing about the monotony of Kildren life near the end, which feels earned rather than forced since it followed up on almost two hours of him slowly coming to terms with the nature of his existence.

The fact that I’ve rambled about this film for paragraphs and paragraphs without even talking about the themes yet is a testament to its depth and attention to detail, but let's get on with it. Fundamentally, Sky Crawlers is a war film, but it’s also a commentary on the frustration of our generation and on the nature of war itself in relation to modern society. It’s about the monotony of living life in a world which increasingly drives you towards pessimism and depression. The Kildren are people who have no hope for the future, the overly commercialized society which created them to fight in their wars has stripped them of any chance of a life beyond war and exploitation by the megacorporations who built the infinite meat-grinder they have no choice but to fight in. And without anything to look forward to or dreams to strive for, how do you meaningfully mature and grow as a person? How do you meaningfully develop a sense of time or continuity when every day is the same and you can’t even form new memories because of that? And without memories of the past or dreams of the future, how do you even form a reliable sense of self? These questions are at the core of this film, and they make its ending all the more powerful to me: Kannami and Kusanagi do finally find some sense of resolution at the end of the road, when they each find hope that one day they’ll be able to change the system. It’s only when they find hope in tomorrow that they begin to truly move forward. And Kannami’s death only enhances this for me, an acknowledgement that trying to change the world and truly progress is nearly impossible, an insurmountable obstacle which few might ever be able to achieve, but it’s still worth trying, worth moving forward, regardless.

I’d also be remiss not to mention the tourist scene. A bunch of tourists come to the base and treat the war they’re fighting in like a team sport they use to entertain themselves from a distance, then proceed to offer shallow pity when one of the Kildren is shot down and dies in front of them, offering vague platitudes about “fighting for a peaceful world” that not even the Kildren believe in. It’s a truly biting commentary on the sensationalization of war in modern media and adds weight to Kusanagi’s words later when she talks about how War is necessary in society because the idea of ongoing conflict in the world makes people living in peace behind the lines feel good about themselves by emphasizing the importance of peace. Plus, the scene of Kusanagi calling out the tourists is a great moment for her

One last thing, I got a lot of enjoyment out of comparing this film to Eighty-Six, my second favorite anime, since there’s a lot of interesting similarities to dig into. Narratively speaking, both are about a class of people designated to fight in someone else’s war and how they cope with being born on the battlefield & having no future, as well as having one of the main characters being one of them who’s survived longer than everyone else. Both commentate on the relationship between war and peaceful society (hell, Kusanagi’s scene of calling out the tourists feels like something right out of 86), and both have some incredible CGI fight scenes.

Presentation-wise, the film was great. The 2D animation is masterfully crafted and brilliantly subtle, and the CGI, while PS2-tier, is honestly really well-integrated, so I didn’t get any uncanny valley feelings. The music is incredible, easily one of Kenji Kawai’s best soundtracks.

So, yeah, this film is a masterpiece and I loved every second of it

[dear-mrs-otome]

Do u play ikegen? Have you played glasses guy route? Cause I was surprised to know he likes to sleep around with women. He doesn't look the type. So I'm curious about the history how he turned out like this? And how he changed after meeting with MC.

Glasses Guy AKA Kajiwara Kagetoki AKA the snarky wicked morally gray love of my Kamakura life? Ok that's an exaggeration because I can't pick just one of them...but he's a top contender. His route and Yasuchika’s are my favorites in the game.

I'll continue on after a cut.

Kagetoki is an interesting man, because he sort of embodies the rare 'nerdy slut' type. He absolutely has a reputation around town for being the guy you go to for a good time...but a good time only. He has no interest in the emotional aspects of a relationship and he treats sex as dispassionately and objectively as you would any other bodily need. He considers it no different from eating or drinking or sleeping in that respect, and his logic-driven point of view is that if a woman knows as much beforehand (that it'll be sex only) who is he to turn her down?

I will add that I have never seen or heard of him being the one to approach women. They invariably proposition him and he accepts.

All that said, his reputation is only mentioned in his own route. Never do we see him acting on any of the things he's reputed to do - in fact the only side story I can recall where it did (which came out just before his release) had him turning down the woman for various reasons but certainly in some part because he professes to be more interested in MC. He is quite fixated on her from the first moment they meet.

Kagetoki is a hardcore dominant semi-sadist - not in that he enjoys physically hurting women whatsoever but he gets off very much on a submissive partner that will obey his every command...and he makes no secret of his interest in bondage (it's even in a CG in his route dklfjdksl) or delighting in humiliating her in private. It seems that he picks up on MC's subby vibe from the moment they meet and to imply that it intrigues him would be an understatement.

That said, it's never done without her willingness to play along. In fact his MC is the most sexually submissive I think I've ever seen, a woman who secretly adores being dominated by him, and their personal relationship is heavily defined by their master/submissive roles. HOWEVER - this all only applies to their private lives. Kagetoki is proud of and supportive of her having agency and choice in everything she does, and in public they are equal partners. He adores her independence and confidence when she learns how to believe in herself, and I think his MC is one of the boldest in the game. I find them to be a fascinating couple because of this dichotomy, the two faces of their outward relationship and their personal, intimate dynamic. And I appreciate it showing that our bedroom activities and our sexual proclivities do not define our personalities. His MC in the day to day is a confident, capable, decisive woman whom he adores.

As for how he changes after meeting MC, he comes to grow into and appreciate a relationship that allows him to embrace himself fully. Any concerns MC has about his past promiscuity are wiped utterly away by his assurances that he's never felt true desire until meeting her and is confident he never would with anyone else - and in fact he has one of my favorite love confessions in the game!

[ruby-whistler]

There are three types of misinterpretation of c!Dream in my opinion; and by that I mean anyone's take ever, whether it's a c!Dream anti or a c!Dream apologist or a c!Dream enthusiast. That's right, I'm making an essay about how in my mind everyone is wrong. This is how I lead debates please don't unfollow me-

1. misunderstanding or overdramatizing evidence

c!Dream apologists; g-guys. I'm not saying he isn't traumatized, but look. I really used to believe he was just everyone's victim and hurt and mentally unstable, and I'm not saying he isn't at all, but I changed my mind because I feel like the evidence doesn't,, point that way at all. Your emotions are valid, but your takes are very removed from what the rest of the fandom thinks because you take little hints and try to make them into some big angsty point within canon.

The evidence we have proves he is more ruthless than anything; even the content creator says that. He doesn't say why he does progressively more ruthless things, and he does say it's for his ideals and out of good intentions, but he doesn't say anything about him being hurt into doing it.

I'm not saying he isn't hurt. But making analysis of an entire character based on something that is barely supported by canon isn't the way I roll and I feel like it's one of the reason why people assume all c!Dream apologist are going to woobify the character,, because some of them really do that.

I don't mind portraying him as hurt by what's happened in canon, because that is a completely safe conclusion, but jumping to the victim side of the scale seems a little bit like painting a completely different picture than what actual canon says. (Note: talking about pre-Pandora c!Dream here.)

There is tragedy in someone being driven by the environment, circumstances and themselves deeper and deeper into corruption, but it feels like by only considering that the entire character is limited to one side of the argument.

I like to also see the side of him that will hurt people because he thinks he has to, because he wants to succeed above all, the side that will ruthlessly murder and manipulate and be calculative and clever and even self-destructive about it because he believes that'll get him towards his ultimately selfless goal.

That's my morally complex bastard.

A lot of people seem to be mistaking or ignoring that for the sake of saying he is just... hurt and that that is an explanation of his actions, and even though they don't use it as an excuse, it feels a little cheap.

And here we come to the core of the problem: an emotional vs. rational explanation for the character's actions.

Because the thing is, with enough evidence, you will see that nearly (we'll get to that in a bit) everything he does can be explained rationally. Everything is connected, everything is the most logical and efficient and merciless route straight from point A to point B, because c!Dream is fascinatingly smart when you look deeper into it.

He knows what he's doing. He knows his actions are awful, and he doesn't care - not because he would be some evil person, but because his mindsets cause him to justify such things, and mindsets are more complicated than feelings.

There is a lot to explore in that direction of the character, but that is material for another essay.

In short, people seem to enjoy removing all of his agency in favor of explaining his actions emotionally rather than from a rational standpoint which results in inaccurate analysis.

Do I think it is completely understandable he attacked L'Manberg?

Absolutely.

Do I think c!Wilbur painted him as a villain to benefit his own power?

Yes.

Do I think he utilized the villain persona as an intimidation tactic and often went overkill with no regard for anything but accomplishing his goals and that he slowly became more and more willing to do bad things of his own accord because he became determined and distrusting of the world to the point of committing horrible actions?

100%.

Analysing that part of the character is the most interesting part, when you consider it - and an important one as well.

2. ignoring evidence

c!Dream antis; please. Stop saying he doesn't care or explaining his actions with obsession or assigning him personality traits or motives that he literally doesn't have in order to demonize him I beg of you.

It's so many basic and easily debunkable assumptions that can be explained with what we actually know of his motives. People will ignore both canon and the authors' words to paint him as some monster with no nuance, which he is not.

We only know so much about him, but people will ignore and deny even the little bit we have for the sake of making him the literal personification of evil and erasing the fact that he is a complex and human character. Just accept he can be accurately analysed beyond hate and let people do it if you don't want to do so yourself.

3. assuming the evidence we have is everything you need to determine a final approach and that nothing outside of the presented evidence exists when certain details prove otherwise

c!Dream enthusiasts; this was the only and biggest problem I've had since being introduced to much more rational interpretations of the character - which is emotions, and one of the biggest reasons why c!Dream gets dehumanized in the first place; the fact that we have little to no showcase or explanation of them in canon.

You see, c!Dream is a reserved character. He likes withholding his plans, withholding his feelings and information from the world.

However, since all we can really get out of watching his actions alone is the rational side (and that is deliberate by both the writer and the character, narratively and personality-wise) people slowly begin to assume there is no emotional side to his actions at all.

Which I find,, untrue. Between the people who erase the rational side of the character and those who erase the emotional side, there is little middle ground, but I don't really find either of them right either.

Because neither would be an accurate representation; just because he doesn't actively showcase his feelings doesn't mean he doesn't have them, and the few inconsistencies that are too small a detail for us to put everything together show that he does have an inner emotional world beyond what we see.

The character does work beyond what we know, and expecting that everything can be explained purely by rationality because that's all we see of him seems a little bit jumping the gun.

It leads to a less person-like view of a character who in reality simply doesn't like showing people the way he feels, and I don't really find that fair to him. It is best to accept there are things we can't say for sure, or to say an emotional interpretation can also be valid at times.

It is both important not to deny him agency and not to deny him the ability to be genuinely hurt by others or changed by his environment.

Both of these can coexist, especially in

the correct interpretation

Ok this is a joke.

I have literally no idea. I'm just throwing stuff at the wall and seeing what sticks - he confuses me beyond belief. The only person who knows about both the emotional and rational side of the character enough to have their interpretation unquestioned is cc!Dream - but when we do try to find answers, it is important for us as well that we do not ignore any aspects or possible aspects of the character, because that is the only way to get useful results out of our analysis.

Sorry this was crit of basically every take about the character I have ever seen but I needed to get my thoughts out.

[ironmandeficiency]

I saw y'all discussing potential zodiac signs for Pascal's characters, what's your take on the major ones? I personally believe Marcus Pike is a cancer, Catfish's a pisces, Din's a virgo, Whiskey's an aries, Oberyn's either a leo or a libra, Ezra's a gemini or a sag, but I lean towards gemini. Javier's the poster child for Scorpio. Don't know about Maxwell Lord.

pedro character star signs

i’m so sorry it took so long, i was tweaking this so much bc i wanted to make sure i got it right! these are just what i think based on my astrology opinions, i hope you like it! 💕 i added their moon signs for flair bc i can. gonna tag a few friends i think may be interested, hope it’s not an inconvenience

max phillips: aries sun & moon. his ambition and charisma paired with the carefree attitude and optimism are an optimum fire sign duality and despite the fact i shouldn't, i love it so much. he has an inner child that he spoils with the riches of his conquests (good and bad) & gets emotional contentment when he succeeds in achieving his goals. knows what he wants & is quick to make those wants known. you never have to worry about where you stand with him because he will not hesitate to tell you.

javier peña: taurus sun with scorpio moon (the real guy is a taurus & i can see it but w heavy scorpio influence). he has his own structure and routine and will fight to the death to maintain it. very work oriented & does his best to rationalize his emotion-driven scorpio moon with his taurean logic, it's a tossup as to whether it works half the time. has a lot of emotional needs that aren't always met day to day & thats why he smokes and drinks and fucks. but don’t let anything make you doubt his love for you because the only thing stronger than his stubborn streak is his heart and its capacity to love you so damn much.

maxwell lord: libra sun with a sagittarius moon. the charisma? attractive and engaging af. oddly adept at chameleoning himself into whatever social group he's trying to vibe with. will draw eyes no matter what because so many people know him & if they don't already, they sure as hell want to. it takes him a while to learn to balance healthy relationships and his work life but when he does, you can visibly see how much healthier he is because of it. normally tends to his emotions in private but with help, he can start sharing a bit more. more optimistic than he sometimes should be but it could be worse

frankie morales: pisces sun with a cancer moon. his caring and sometimes cautious nature (with a twinge of homicidal tendencies) make him one that you don't just casually fuck with sexually or otherwise. catches feelings very easy & makes a lot of emotionally-driven decisions. these two water signs have a propensity towards codependence & defensiveness when hurt. is at his best when he feels loved and is supported by those he loves. emotions are always fluctuating and there’s some trouble with self-discipline (which is not the same as self-deprecation). because of this, he needs someone who can ground him

jack "whiskey" daniels: his swagger!! his charm!! his generosity!! the protectiveness over people he cares about!! this has the makings of a leo sun. this charismatic sun sign paired with his capricorn moon create a living example of the most balanced "work hard, play hard" you've ever seen. has a tendency to set high standards for himself and others & is a smidge more accepting when people fuck up, wanting to help them be better in the future. his emotions are often repressed in the name of responsibility but when he feels safe, he isn’t shy about them in the slightest. very confident in his skills & one of those that he’s the proudest of is his ability to cheer you up when you’re sad

din djarin: he is the most virgo virgo to ever virgo, a double whammy of it in both his sun & moon placements. very logical, disciplined, and tradition-oriented. knows how to bargain and budget, approaches problems with as little emotional attachment as he can (doesn't always work though), and is selfless af. needs something to keep him from being a worry wart bc otherwise he will spend every waking moment fretting over anything he can find. remarkably well-rounded & somehow the most emotionally stable

ezra: everything about this man radiates aquarius sun + gemini moon and you will never convinve me otherwise. he's just enough of an intellectual elitist (the big words and flowy shakespearian vocabulary) for it to border on unique and fun & annoying as fuck. every aquarian i've met has a quirk that sets them apart from everyone else & ezra's quirk (besides murder) is his vocabulary. it takes him a long time to learn to not talk over people on accident (sometimes he does on purpose just to be a bastard), but you can tell when he’s really trying to be conscious of it.

marcus moreno: now this man is what you call a pisces. a softie with a heart of gold that is constantly being underestimated, he has more power than most think. his silly and carefree nature detracts from the badassery he's capable of so it sometimes catches you off guard when he goes into Badass In Charge™️ mode but it’s there. his moon is also in pisces, which adds to his gentility and desire to be understood by his partner. this man just needs some love dammit, give it to him already!! his empathy makes him the Cool Dad™️ bc missy and literally any other kid get the vibe of “yeah this adult will actually listen to me and value my opinions”

dave: capricorn sun, aries moon. he thrives with people who can handle their own shit competency kink anyone? and doesn’t have patience with those who should know better. his standards are higher than a stoned giraffe, and is at his best in controlled environments. has a strong sense of self & a short list of people he would risk it all for. not as outwardly expressive but he does have a couple cues that you learn over time. also knows what he wants and is very meticulous in how he goes about getting it; there are very few places where he takes no for an answer. is a very good provider but don’t expect him to be mushy when you thank him for things he does for you.

oberyn martell: gemini sun & leo moon. he’s got more charisma than can fit in the ocean and sometimes it gets him into trouble. this man thrives on validation from loved ones. there is never a worry about not knowing what he’s feeling because oh boy is this man expressive. he’s a protector and a provider (and a gossip but don’t let him hear you say that). can and will cause a scene if there’s ample opportunity, he enjoys watching shit go down. will only interfere if it directly impacts him or someone he really cares about but otherwise will just pop the popcorn and pull up a seat. somehow has all the details of everything that ever happens but you learn to not question it.

pero tovar: scorpio sun (but specifically october scorpio) & aquarius moon. he’s highly rational when it comes to emotions but does have a temper. he’s observant af of his environment & the emotions of everyone around him, and chooses his actions carefully based on those. doesn’t confront his deeper emotions as often as he should bc it’s easier to default to Angy™️ and let the rest of the world come to their own assumptions. has no tolerance for lies and other bs, wants the truth and though it makes him seem power-hungry and manipulative, that’s not his intention. it’s just his way of looking for someone he can trust with the most intimate parts of him

marcus pike: this man? taurus sun, cancer moon. has a fear of abandonment that takes a while to quell but once it’s gone, he’s all in. he’s very empathetic and observant af, will know exactly what you need before you voice said need. will feel guilty for his baggage sometimes and the guilt will make him recluse for a short period until he’s reminded just how appreciated he is. does not play around when it comes to affection & is very eager to give and receive it whenever possible

my friends that i think might be interested: @scribbledghost @autumnleaves1991-blog @dyke--grayson @max--phillips @dindjarindiaries @pikemoreno @ohnopoe @pedropasscals @forever-rogue @engineeredfiction @bitchin-beskar

[asocial-lobster]

Okay, sorting MCU characters into Hogwarts houses, because why not.

(Also there might be small spoilers for the MCU universe. You've been warned.)

Tony: Slytherin, no doubt. He's resourceful, cunning, ambitious and a good leader. His second most obvious house would of course be Ravenclaw, again for obvious reasons I doubt I have to explain.

Steve: Hufflepuff. Ma man is hard working, kind, trusting, loyal and believes in justice. Sure, he does a lot of brave stuff, but usually it's something he does out of loyalty (like joining the military because of loyalty to his country).

Thor: Gryffindor. He's arrogant, reckless, brave, naive and ful of himself. He has like zero ambition and he likes being the best. His second house would be Hufflepuff, as he's also very trusting and loyal to (for an example) Loki.

Loki: Slytherin/Ravenclaw tie (help me out in the comments?). He's very resourceful and has a lot of ambition. He dreams to be a leader and is very cunning. He is also very clever and intelligent, though. He is also creative and self aware, although not very wise.

Natasha: Hufflepuff (although I can see the argument for Slytherin). Everything she does is tied down by her loyalty to Shield or her friends. She is hard working and resourceful.

Bruce: Ravenclaw. He's of course incredibly intelligent and clever and very creative. He's also very bound by loyalty and hard working, so Hufflepuff also works.

Hulk: Gryffindor. Since Bruce and Hulk are almost different persons, I'll sort them separately. Hulk is reckless, brave and arrogant and also loyal, a trait often found in Gryffindor as well as Hufflepuff. He never really stops up to think, which is also a part of being reckless.

Clint: Hufflepuff. He is again bound by loyalty, not only to a group, but to his ideals. We see clearly in Civil War he has a strong sense of justice (he helps Cap although it means going to prison) and that is also a trait of honest people.

Wanda: Gryffindor. I had a lot of trouble with this one, but in the end I decided on Gryffindor. She is very quick to jump from cause to cause and has a strong sense of right and wrong (which gets completely derailed in WandaVision but whatever). She is very driven by a mix of justice and revenge, which is pretty Gryffindor. I also feel like Ravenclaw or Hufflepuff isn't a stretch. Comment your opinion!

Vision: Ravenclaw. He's insanely clever and driven by his logic. He analyses every situation, carefully judging the right approach and he's ready to be on the opposing site of his friends in a battle, if his logic has deducted they're wrong.

Spider-Man: Hufflepuff. Very sweet and polite, loyal to his friends and also a little naive. He's always working hard to accomplish his goals (although he doesn't always want to). I think Ravenclaw would be the second house, he's so intelligent, clever and creative.

T'Challa: Gryffindor. He's the brave hero of his people. Sometimes he's reckless and makes the wrong choices, but his heart is in the right place. He is also driven by a mix of revenge and wanting to protect his people.

Scott: Hufflepuff. He's very loyal and working hard to be with his daughter. He's also very kind and polite. He could also be a Ravenclaw, as he's very smart and creative.

Sam: Gryffindor. He's super brave, but not reckless or really arrogant. Still, he is driven by duty, which is very Gryffindor like when it's to protect someone.

Bucky: Hufflepuff. Bucky is very kind and polite. He's driven by loyalty and the desire to do good. He is honest and hard working.

Rodey: Hufflepuff. He is loyal, honest and hard working. He is trusting and kind. He is also good at following orders.

Shuri: Ravenclaw. Yeah, I think this one is obvious. She is so creative intelligent and smart and qlso pretty wise. Slytherin would probably be second choice, as she is very resourceful, ambitious and a great leader.

Thanos: Ravenclaw. He is driven by logic and desire to do good. He is smart and intelligent and has some creative solutions to problems. The second choice would be Slytherin, as he's very cunning, ambitious and resourceful.

Hela: Gryffindor. She's reckless and arrogant, very much the dark side of Gryffindor. She isn't really thinking before going in and she thinks she's invincible. She's also brave, I guess.

Comment whom I'm missing or if you have any corrections!

[wlw-lovestruck-fiction]

Hi! Long time lurker, big fan of this blog. Can I request either a headcannon or a fic of Viv Tang?

Basically, it goes like this, it's an AU of some sort, where Viv and the Poppy leave MC. MC tried to hate them and forget them especially Viv, but couldn't do it. So out of spite and care, MC creates a whole organisation that revolves around protecting Viv and the others. (Making sure their heists go well, the police/government never finding them, making sure that their old enemies never get to them etc.) They've been doing this in private, but Viv and the others catch on, and that thought bothers them. Enough to make them distracted in their latest heist.

Their heist went down in shambles, leaving MC's crew to step in and made sure they're safe, leaving MC's mark to take the blame.

They were confused ofc, but MC's crew was just giddy and happy that they get to meet their leader's old crew.

Basically, they meet MC, MC makes them make it up to her.

And we know how in the original Viv route, we try really hard to pry her open and get her to trust us, well Viv does the same, trying to get MC to forgive her. And just angst ending with fluff please?

Lots of Love <3

This will contain both HC and story parts.

…

·         After Vivienne leaves MC poisoned in Paris, of course she’s pissed.

·         A talk with Jace (and some stress painting) later, MC feels like she has a pretty good grasp of Vivienne’s decision

“She was scared,” she muses, idly playing with one of her brushes, a thoughtful frown on her face as her mind wanders to the other members. “And they were… willing to give her a way out, I guess? Pretty messed up, considering they got me in this whole thing to begin with…”

Thing is, they hadn’t left her without something. Zoe had made sure MC could return to her normal life ‘after you lay low for a bit, probably two months’, advice left in a letter alongside some cash. Enough to buy a few plane tickets around the world. First class.

Even after their most recent decision, MC could recall how careful and welcoming everyone had been. Vivienne was always a mystery, of course, lingering at the edge while MC got to know Jett and Zoe in the Art Club they had formed, or as MC debated with Remy and Leon about a movie they had been watching. With Nikolai, it was mostly challenges Nikolai loved to issue and MC was too proud to deny. But she was always there, in the background. She had become a rather comforting presence, as MC had formed bonds with everyone.

“This was not the best course of action, but they took it anyway.” Vivienne’s choice had been driven by emotion, raw panic, but MC just couldn’t wrap her mind around Nikolai or Zoe, both logical to the bone, supporting it. “There must have been something else, there.”

·         With the anger slowly cooling off, MC thought she could almost begin to understand their reasons. The Poppy isn’t the sort of group to taint their hands with blood, not unless it’s absolute necessary.

·         Celine had pushed everyone, even if the heist ended on a positive note.

·         ‘I believe you have a place with us’, Nikolai had said. MC remembered the heist and how everything could have gone wrong.

·         Their talent and quick-thinking are the only reason they got out of that situation relatively unharmed.

·         No doubt the rest of their heists carried the same danger.

·         MC thought of Celine, gun aiming at her chest, eyes glinting in Vivienne’s direction and made a split-second decision.

·         There was no way, no way at all, that she was going to let anything happen to them.

…

·         When Vivienne had first noticed the sudden lack of danger in their heists, she was instantly suspicious.

·         She couldn’t afford to brush anything off in her line of work.

·         Zoe finds the source in no time.

·         To say they were confused as an understatement.

“I thought she was back in New York?”

“I don’t understand, why would she choose this?”

“We’re hardly so incompetent as to need a guard.”

“How long has this been happening?”

“Couple months, so maybe they started operating around March?” Zoe throws them a withering look so they’ll shut up, and lets out a long sigh once they do. “Point is, we’ve gained a new stalker, even if it’s her. She got a whole organization going, she’s pretty dedicated.”

“Of course she is, it’s why we choose her in the first place.”

“Technically, Vivienne did.”

“Well, yeah. Still, this is insane. So little time, and yet…”

“MC was always a fighter,” Vivienne says, quietly. “It’s certainly an… interesting choice…”

“She seems to have very good intel,” Zoe continues, eyes glued to her laptop’s screen. “Too good. She knows our every movement.”

“Which means she will be lurking around this heist.” Nikolai drums his fingers against his armchair, a frown firmly in place. “That might be a problem.”

“She’s been doing this for months, but we’ve never caught a glimpse of her. It’s safe to say she won’t approach us, right?”

“We probably shouldn’t, either. Not for now. We need more info on this organization of hers.”

“We’ll proceed as planned.”

·         Except nothing goes as planned.

·         Jett’s bombs don’t go off when they should, providing no distraction and thus no way of escape for Vivienne and Nikolai.

·         No safe way, at any rate.

·         The guards get suspicious of their malfunctioning equipment remarkably quick, moving to search the place.

·         Remy gets found out first, though he stalls as much as he can.

·         It’s enough time for Leon and Nikolai to think for a way out, though Remy is still with the guards.

·         The bombs go off at that moment, and Vivienne is trapped.

·         It’s at that moment that MC’s crew intervene.

·         The guards are the most important issue, and so most of her crew go handle it.

·         MC takes care of Vivienne personally.

“Well, that went great.” MC says, flashing Vivienne a cheeky smile when she finds her. Vivienne looks up at her with wide eyes, brown eyes glinting under the light of the room.

“How did you…”

“Questions later, darling. Can you walk?”

Vivienne blinks, taking a deep breath. The motion helps her get rid of most of her surprise. She knows she doesn’t have time to lose, so she accepts MC hand and follows her out. The trip is quiet, of course. Vivienne keeps a carefully neutral expression on, eyes flickering from the woman in front of her to the rest of their escape route.

It’s hard, trying to compare this woman with the one she had kissed all those months ago. She remembers how her hands grasped at her robe, passionate, truthful, those sweet words MC had muttered against Vivienne’s mouth, before the poison had taken effect.

MC had said she would never hurt Vivienne. Vivienne had poisoned her, afraid she would hurt MC.

It didn’t feel like she could hurt the woman before her, though, standing tall and strong and confident, a leader, someone made out of stone. For a moment, Vivienne had the impression poison wouldn’t even work on her anymore.

·         MC had changed. It was as clear as the water glimmering outside the organization’s HQ.

·         She wasn’t the same bubbly, hopeful girl Vivienne had taken around Paris, teaching everything she could about thievery.

·         She wasn’t the same passionate, proud artist she had been, brush in hand, smiling in wonder and then frowning in concentration when she tried to capture something beautiful. Somehow, most of the time, the subject of her painting was Vivienne herself.

·         She was steely, snarky, commanding the room with her very presence. All eyes followed her as she went, speaking clear orders for the crew to follow.

·         In the beginning, they had stuck to the Gilded Poppy like glue, curious. No doubt they were trying to see why MC cared about them so much to go through this kind of trouble.

·         One look from MC was enough to get them to disperse.

·         This change… everything it entailed… Vivienne wanted to know more.

“So, how did it feel?” MC had asked her as soon as they got a moment alone. Vivienne shot her a glance, trying to decipher something in her expression.

“How did what feel?”

“Thinking you could force me out of this. You got me in this life.”

“I gave you a way out.”

“But I told you, didn’t I? I wanted this, and you…”

“I’ve lived all my life like this. I didn’t want you to face-”

“Well, maybe you shouldn’t have chosen me, then. Ever think of this little thing called consequences?”

Isadora flashes through her mind, quick, too quick. It leaves a trail of golden hair in the back on her mind, all too real when she closes her eyes. Vivienne presses her lips together, forces herself to focus.

“This organization…”

“Don’t let it get to your head, darling. It’s not you I’m worried about.”

“…The others, then.”

“Yes. Quid pro quo, and all that. I’ll see what I can ask in return later.”

“We didn’t ask you to intervene.”

“You didn’t ask before poisoning me, either. I feel like doing drastic things without asking for permission are common place around here.”

“That doesn’t even-”

“Ah, ah, ah. Did I save your lives, yes or no?”

Jett had said, before they got released from the medical ward, that the plan failing was entirely his fault, after getting too distracted thinking about MC to get his usual formulas right. Vivienne didn’t doubt him – Jett was, after all, very dedicated to his craft. A mistake was unthinkable, unless something of this magnitude managed to get to him.

He felt guilty and weirded out, probably, she thinks bitterly, despite everything being my fault, as per usual.

“…you did.”

The smile that stretches over MC’s face is almost predatory, brown eyes glinting with satisfaction. “That’s what I like to hear.”

[hysteriapilled]

- 𝙰 𝚁𝙴𝙰𝙳𝙸𝙽𝙶 𝙾𝙽 𝙴𝚁𝙴𝙽 𝙹𝙰𝙴𝙶𝙴𝚁'𝚂 𝙲𝙷𝙰𝚁𝚃 𝙱𝙴𝙲𝙰𝚄𝚂𝙴 𝙸 𝙷𝙰𝚅𝙴 𝙽𝙾𝚃𝙷𝙸𝙽𝙶 𝙴𝙻𝚂𝙴 𝚃𝙾 𝙳𝙾

Keep in mind that this might be inaccurate considering the information given is not canon, but from google. There will be no house readings since I can't even get a hold of his actual birth time so there is no rising sign (This is Eren's chart and how he would be if he were real, so don't take everything as factual)

𝐅𝐈𝐑𝐒𝐓 𝐎𝐅𝐅

Big 5 Analysis

- SUN IN ARIES. Your sun defines your ego, core identity, your authentic self and in my personal opinion it's not really an important placement in the chart, and more of a title basically. People born into Aries are usually perceived as loud, impulsive, raging and aggressive by others— but they're very caring and protective to the ones they love, though sometimes they sure can have bursts of anger. Eren is stubborn, he can't be chained down and refuses to sit back and watch the people he cares about get tossed around. He is a firm person, quick on his feet and rather very rushing, he's like a puppy excited to get his owner running laps around him, he's hyper and motivating; a natural leader. - MOON IN PISCES. Your moon is your emotional side, how you feel, how you perceive feelings and how you process them. Eren with moon in Pisces is definitely not surprising to me— He is dreamy, intuitive, compassionate and he's either too dependable on others or just an overthinker. Though he may not seem like it Eren is very vulnerable and even prone to getting addicted to substances (alcohol, drugs, bad habits etc.) It's not the best placement in my standpoint, as he can get very affected by his surroundings and others. He can't turn a blind eye and NOT take shit to heart and rather stores it inside and holds onto it. He's very empathetic, he feels people's emotions and feels them well, to the point that he himself experiences what they are going through. - MERCURY IN PISCES. Eren has a LOT of Pisces placements so prepare to see a ton of empathy and psychic abilities in his aspects. Your Mercury is how you think, speak and learn. I sense that Eren has really great vulnerability which might not be a good thing, he trusts people too much and rather relies on them for heaps of things, he can be easily manipulated which is why he should refrain from letting everyone in. On the other hand, he is a very dreamy person and gets lost in his imagination at times. He sees the world in another, imaginative lens, and often could find himself daydreaming randomly. I can see that Eren has a hard time letting go of the past and he can even be linked to people in his life he hadn't seen in years. In terms of rational thinking he isn't the best, as he can't distinguish the logical from the emotional which is definitely something he should work on, he gets often blinded by the illusion of his overwhelming emotions toward others. He can also definitely have an eye to art since his imagination is extravagantly wide.

- VENUS IN TAURUS. Your mercury is your idea of love and how you give it and prefer to receive it— Eren's idea of romance is full of sensuality and gifts, he'll spoil you with his utter loyalty and generally with things too. Devotion is daily, he's extremely honest and would rather die than lie to you. Emphasis on sensuality, Eren craves touch and I could sense that his love language is physical touch, he will shower you with affection and fulfill your needs any time of the day. Taurus in Venus are all about comfort and coziness with their lover, so I can see that Eren loves cuddling, massages, food, sleepovers, intimate little things like that strike a chord in his heart. He can be possessive and jealous of times, he hates change specifically big ones in relationships—He can also take a long time to get to know you and prefers taking things slow and steady rather than rushing into it. I can also feel that he loves hard-workers, people who are dedicated and responsible (that's definitely his type). - MARS IN CAPRICORN. Two words. Goal driven. Your Mars is your approach towards anger and impulses as well as your sexuality aspects. Eren is self-controlled and refuses to take orders from others, he can't be chained down not because he's stubborn, but simply because he can't allow himself to stop. He has a tendency to shut out the world to pursue his objective— he moves forward (not a pun) and is willing to fight against everything and everyone to reach his goal, he isn't petty as he considers little quarrels a waste of time and energy. He likes to focus on the big problem at hand, not how to fight and win the battle but how to prepare for conquering the war once and for all. Eren with this placement knows that he is entitled to earn what he works hard for and will not let anything stop him. Mars signs can also affect appearance so I sense that Eren has very prominent and broad cheekbones, a serious face, and a very stiff, steady voice like he's about to command something. It can also be an intimate, velvety and cold voice and on the topic of intimacy— He usually prefers seeing you face to face and rather dislikes social media flings. He comes with a natural inclination to assume a dominant role in bed and he does what doesn't bother him (kink-wise) His temper is so icy, and he could definitely be on the sadomasochism spectrum. He's very soft in nature so if something was bothering you he'd instantly be turned off. Eren can be aggressive and intense but he may not specifically get off on pain (or he may) more like he finds the idea of being in control a very satisfying idea.

𝐒𝐄𝐂𝐎𝐍𝐃 𝐎𝐅𝐅

2. Jupiter, Saturn, Uranus, Neptune & Pluto Analysis

- JUPITER IN AQUARIUS. Your Jupiter is where you can receive the most luck and love, without you really doing much. It’s where you can catapult to happiness and success through quickest routes possible, within reason. I can tell from previous placements that Eren is a firm believer in standing for what you think is right. He is very opinionated and sometimes a bit too much— Some of his beliefs or theories can be brilliant and genius and others quite nonsensical and implausible, he rushes into throwing the first opinion just for the sake of throwing it first. Any analytical work about objective themes would come easily to him. Passion and enthusiasm will come astonishingly fast too as he can actually stun society with his innate knowledge with complicated subjects. Any scientific, technological, or perhaps just general abstract topics will benefit Eren greatly in subtle and/or unsubtle ways. He takes leaps of faith and believes what his eyes cannot see or what his mind cannot grasp. Simply what makes everything work out so well for him is the open minded love he puts into his theories. Sometimes though, he fears judgement people give to his methods as they are sometimes out of the box and peculiar. Eren would have to let go of his attachment to what other people think about his ways on solving or analyzing. - SATURN IN LIBRA. Your Saturn sign is your life’s obstacles and challenges, the rewards that come with time, and the discipline you need to achieve your goals. To start off with friendships, Eren cares about others and is tireless in serving others—he's also prone to putting others before him (others as in the people he cares about) And supporting his moon and mercury Pisces, he is very artistic and helps civilize those who need the lessons. The companionship he seeks can often give him solace and security, with his comrades support he feels a lot more powerful and in self-control. In relationships though Eren may tend to have a bit of an inferiority complex when it comes to relationships and is afraid of rejection & may try to shut himself away or run if the going gets tough. He is very drawn to mentor types, and may often be with someone older and wiser. Despite that he still finds a way to assume the dominant role in the relationship due to his cold nature. Eren commits to artful projects, making it possible to live his dreams by seeing them to completion, he finds it very gratifying and has mental discipline when he finds activities that matches his high ideals. His sense of social justice is heightened, that could get him into law, politics and activism—His firm belief in himself also plays a big role in this, his bravery allows himself to sacrifice whatever he has to, to get the job done. Chaos, crassness, and ugliness can cause him a lot of anxiety and fear, and with his persistence to right the wrong he gets really frustrated when people don't have an outlook to life the same as his. I sense that it may be hard for Eren to accept that only he is able to control himself, and it's a hard pill for him to swallow.

- URANUS IN PISCES. As I mentioned before Eren's chart is dominated with Pisces placements, his intuition works at another wavelength than that of the common people, and for this reason, he is in a much deeper connection to the spirit world. He can sense the occult and this acts as a form of guidance for him, an anchor to support his meanderings through life’s challenges. Pair that up with his splendid imagination and innovative spirit, and you get someone who’s afraid of failure even when he’s not doing anything out of the ordinary, the worst thing that could happen to Eren is failing and losing his sense of validation. He’s a negativist ( I can see Eren as a cynical person later on in life, a realist would fit his philosophical belief) but, he should let his intuition and connection to the spirit world heal this part of his, instead of allowing everything to work against him. He won’t let himself be fooled by naïve ideals, even though he likes believing in them. He can be quite realistic and logical when the situation calls for it and that's quite ironic considering he's indulged in his imagination most of the time. - NEPTUNE IN SAGITTARIUS. This is one hell of a placement. Experimentation with different beliefs, spiritual strands, and esoteric-based teachings are all things Eren finds interest in. He cannot deny the divine existence truly and indefinitely to himself- even if he does so to others, there is always the gnawing sense that ‘there is something more,’ and one day he may regret not finding out what that is. His gift is bringing the joy of shared faith and spirituality together, making the sect he resonates with part of his life’s philosophy. We can tell by now that Eren's purpose is seeking truth, absorbing information and looking at the world in a different lens. - PLUTO IN PISCES. Shawty Bae here can also can be more passive aggressive when trying to get what he wants. This means he can be manipulative at times. This is the only time he ever makes a power play. When he is struggling to achieve something for the greater good. (THIS ACTUALLY RESONATES WITH HIS PLAN) But this desire for control is never executed maliciously. He wants things to go his way so he doesn't disappoint those who are counting on him. Eren can be very sensitive, and it’s important to him that he doesn't let anyone down. He so desperately want to help people that he sometimes sacrifices his health and well being, and even somtimes the well being of others just for the outcome to turn out best.

𝐋𝐀𝐒𝐓𝐋𝐘

3. Chiron (Scar)

- CHIRON IN PISCES. Your Chiron sign in astrology shows where you sustained your deepest wound, your scar— It can never be completely healed, but they can be worked with and transmuted. Eren with Chiron in Pisces, we've already talked about many Pisces qualities in him (empathy, psychic abilities, imagination etc.) But the Chiron has a lot more depth into it, Eren might have a deep fear of being hurt by the universe or the forces at play. He might feel that the world is unfair or merciless and doesn't have his back almost every time. He has a sense of betrayal, and that leads him into cynicism (mentioned before in his Uranus placement) He felt that nobody was there for him when he needed it the most and he also feels a sense of victimization. This placement has a lot to do with the idea of FATE. Even subconsciously Eren feels he was dealt an unfair life, I can also feel that his way of coping is feeling someones grief right alongside them. Sympathyzing is definitely his way of forgetting about his own problems. Even though Eren doesn't exactly victimize himself he still can't understand why the universe is set up this way— he feels that the world isn't fair to him and his loved ones. Although all this scarring shows when he indulges himself in an immense shell of cynicism, then he hops between two places; Not feeling empathy for others since nobody offered empathy to him - or sympathyzing greatly and putting others' needs before his. It is easy for him to shut his feelings out but only with the help of substances which makes him more prone to getting addicted. This placement was created at some point in the past when Eren needed something badly and didn’t get it (sometimes the wound stems from a past life, but this stemmed from his childhood) Maybe it's because he felt insignificant to someone he felt was an idol to him, maybe this figure or idol was never there to nurture him and the probability of him having a lost close one in early childhood days is a very probable cause in how this Chiron stemmed.

BONUS:

- I get massive ISFP vibes from early Eren and INTJ from late him.

- His Venus Taurus makes him very romantic, so I feel like this would be his favorite song to dance to

[coolgirlontheweb]

eren jaeger (Attack On Titan) - ISFP

eren is a true IFSP - his dominant Fi seeks feelings of action, and honours his own beliefs and values. anytime eren says “i’ll kill the titans” or anything he says about his goals are driven by Fi. rarely do we ever see eren try to see the other side’s reasoning or why the titans eat humans pre time-skip, unlike armin, who indeed is an Ni dom and asks “what does it, no, they want?” the second he is confronted by the female titan. in season 2 episode 8 after he is confronted with the truth about bertholdt and reiner’s titan identities, he instantly shouts, deems them psychotic mass murderers and announces that he was going to “make you die the most excruciating deaths possible”. ISFPs who display the negative aspects of Fi suffer from a lack of objectivity, are unable to relate to things outside of their personal experience and treat their feelings as fact, unaware of their own biases. pre-time skip eren is all of this and never considers exactly why reiner and bertholdt are titans. only once does he actually weigh his options and make sense of what is happening, rather than immediately having an emotional reaction to it, and that is when ymir, a Ti dom, reminds him of his situation. signs of a Te grip are prevalent here - he was inclined to blame and reproach before he employed any rational thought to his circumstance. small hints of his Ni developing appear here when he begins to rationalise on how to escape, and what being captured may mean for the future and the scouts, but this is all shrouded in how overbearing his Fi is, i really don’t see how it can be overlooked.

throughout all of the manga, eren’s dominant Fi is at its optimal expression when he cries to ramzi in Chapter 131, “i’m sorry, i’m sorry…” optimal Fi expression helps dominant Fi users feel deep empathy when seeing people suffer, and works to ensure that every person has the freedom to authentically be themselves. even though eren knows he is going to kill ramzi, he cannot hold back from saving him, and crying to him is a heartbreaking portrayal of Fi in a doomed character. In the case that he was an Ni dom, eren would find it worthless to approach ramzi in spite of the future - which he actually initially thinks before saving him from being beaten, a sign of his Ni developing but his Fi overpowering it.

additionally, an unhealthy dominant Fi can foster feelings of instability, self-righteousness and self-pitiness. whenever eren is confronted with the damning reality of the titans’ existence he reverts from a strong willed and passionate Fi dom to one who is all of the aforementioned and above all, self-blaming. the greatest example of this that i can currently think of is in season 3 episode 9 during rod reiss’ abnormal titan attack on orvud district - eren’s Fi was so unhealthy that after rumination on being the cause of so many deaths and his overall role as “humanity’s saviour” (which is a self-righteous assumption, albeit true-ish), he begins to blame and pity himself so much that he started to physically beat himself up until he bled.

extraverted thinking (Te), being his inferior function, is naturally the least accessible to him, and therefore historically the least used. pre time-skip eren shows symptoms of Te grip. Te is an assertive function and tackles challenges head on and above all, its defining feature is that it applies logical, objective reasoning to the outside world. pre time-skip eren’s Te grip meant that he was ready to pick a fight about anything disagreeable, and had an overpowering urge to correct everything that is ‘wrong’. Te grip causes inferior Te users to recognise and dislike problems wherever they see them, yet offer no solutions to them. seldom did eren ever solve problems, he relied on erwin’s dominant Te for that and followed suit, or found guidance through armin. come the time-skip, and we are confronted by a strategic and assertive eren; his Te has noticeably developed. although, he has an extremely destructive expression of Te, i.e: abuse of power and position (as the founding titan) to get what he wants and believes the weak (his enemies, marleyans, the warriors and briefly the scouts) get what they deserve. he breaks out of jail, uses extremist ideology and manpower (the yeagerists) and ignores the chain of command, and his friends’ pleas to complete his goal. unhealthy Te users tend to be blind to nuance/context and see everything from a black and white, "i'm right and you're wrong" stance. they also have an extremely inflexible approach - rarely being convinced to change their ideas and plans. eren shows ALL of this: his Te is so influential that he is blind to any other approach to the Rumbling offered by the scouts or even zeke, since we know he doesn't activate a "small-scale" rumbling, but the whole thing.

alongside his developed Ni, eren’s character seems to do a complete 180 but it’s only a development of his Ni-Te. in my opinion, the reason why his shift in personality is because alongside an actual Ni-Te development, his facade makes it so that the strategy and stoicism he has adopted becomes pronounced. an INTJ wouldn't have trouble with healthy expressions of Ni-Te since it comes naturally to them - think of yelena: whilst all of this is happening, she remains the most pacific and rational person on paradis island. eren seems calm on the surface, but the emotional stress of having to rely on Ni-Te is definitely there. you can see it in his table talk with armin and mikasa. he attempts to stay calm in the beginning but all of the emotional stress comes bubbling to the surface in an outburst of unhealthy Fi rage. something else i think it's worth mentioning is that functions operate in oppositional pairs that push and pull against each other, creating internal conflict. eren’s singular worldview and morals in seasons 1-3 meant there wasn’t any room for internal conflict, but after seeing the other side of the wall, his Fi and Te are constantly in conflict. eren’s newfound Te, wants efficiency and order, but how does he fare with losing his humanity and treating the world as a machine as his Fi is challenged for the first time?

an early signal of eren’s Ni development is the thwarting of his previously healthy Se expression in season 3 episode 22. with Ni's future orientated intuition, causing him to be uninspired by sensory experiences, his Se gets shut down as he loses his happiness to the future. eren cannot bring himself to have fun at the beach, nor experience what he and armin dreamed about from a young age, instead, he points toward the horizon, towards the future and is utterly defeated by its prospects. this is honestly so sad, it’s as though he withers away as a person after the vision of the future.

developing Ni needs a lot of introspectivity, maturing and objectivity for a dominant Fi user. eren attains these traits in 2 ways; first, he actually peers into the future through the paths. this is sort of a cheat code into developing Ni, but it nonetheless dictates how he acts post paths vision. Ni is a future orientated function, and it experiences the world through what will happen. since eren already knows the future, his Ni expression is almost forced to mature. however, the second way that Ni is developed by eren naturally is when he runs away to marley and lives among eldians in the liberio internment camp.

contrary to suffering from a lack of objectivity due to negative Fi expression, eren is confronted with the other side of the wall. as he learns about the rest of his world, he slowly becomes more objective and understanding - his worldview has broadened, and he indulges in the part of Ni that approaches the world with a unified vision. albeit a weak Ni expression, which gives him difficulty in making wise decisions in season 4 because of a lack of clarity and no positive vision of the future, eren’s Ni develops nonetheless.

this becomes evident when we contrast his talk with reiner in season 2 episode 8 to his talk with reiner in Season 4 Episode 5. in the latter eren employs a mix of Ni-Te, almost showcasing his newfound functions to us, the reader, and reiner. eren is more calculating, authoritative, objective, and aware of his long term goal and its consequences.

[melforbes]

seaglass blue annotations

hello! i just posted the last chapter and thought i’d put together some ~fun context~ for that fic. it got way way more attention than i ever expected and for something i feel i didn’t put that much effort into i think i did in the end put a lot of effort into it so i might as well talk about it and answer some potential questions.

my favorite book of all time is the sunlit night by rebecca dinerstein (yes, that one) and something i find really compelling about that book is how sparing the prose is, forcing the reader to fill in certain gaps, and i think having to fill in those gaps makes the book a really acquired taste with which either you love it or hate it and there’s not really an in-between

i also really adore how in that book the natural world backdrop comes to life, something i find really challenging to write. recently i even read into thin air, the book about the 1996 mount everest disaster, and even though the writing was superb, i still had to google what the hillary step was because i couldn’t picture it on my own. i don’t know how people write nature because to me it feels damn near impossible, but this sparing approach really worked, so i thought i might try it out. i tend to be longwinded (gestures vaguely at this post) and wanted to have certain parts of this be a lot smaller and more contained without negating impact. whether or not i made it work is anyone’s guess. definitely not my normal style, so to speak

based on the comments i’ve received i think this might be everyone’s favorite part. in my mind age of consent by new order was playing in the background. in pretty much every fic i have a scene like this one and all of them are based on the poem first base gold by rh*annon mcg*vin from her book branches (censored because she has a tumblr and i don’t want her seeing this haha)

i absolutely can’t do the poem justice by describing what it’s about, but the simplest, most basic interpretation of the poem is that there is no better place to kiss than right here, right now, because of the past. i really like that imagery and tend to use it a lot. she as a writer has been a big inspiration for me and if you’ve read my fic true minds i should add that the nonfiction inspiration for that was directly as a result of one of her youtube videos. i particularly love how the last paragraph (stanza? im not a poet) is one big run-on sentence that’s jovial and tongue-in-cheek and colloquial and straightforward. it feels triumphant in a quiet way to me and i love how it’s done. obviously my attempts at something similar are nowhere near as insightful, but still, the most basic image of this is that there is no better place to kiss, and that’s how i felt about the two of them finding pudding in the supermarket

this part is autobiographical; while writing this last year, i went through six months of intravenous drug treatment, a month and a half of which involved long days of doctor visits on every weekday. when you’re on stuff like that for a long time you end up with a central line for better access (potential plot hole in all of this: scully never had one) but for a month and a half i got poked almost every day and strangely enough it got harder over time. the first couple you never feel, but a week or two later you start flinching, and if the needle goes in the same vein each time, it hurts the more it gets prodded. i reached a point toward the end of the in-office visits in which i would bleed a lot every time i got poked, and i can’t watch anything like that happen to me so i was looking away each time, and when i felt that the nurse was done, i would look back over, and sometimes i would be looking down at a pool of blood that i hadn’t expected to see. it’s weird, you don’t actually feel yourself bleeding, i would’ve expected a hot bloody feeling but instead it felt like nothing. and when i say a pool i mean that it would drip down beneath my elbow, stain the sheet they’d put underneath, and i wouldn’t get all of it off until i showered. i didn’t necessarily find it scary, but it was surreal and kind of pulled me out of normalizing the experience i was having. for a very long time needing iv drugs was my greatest fear and i was surrounded by that then and fine, and then, there was blood all over my arm, and like, haha, this is actually not fine. you’d think something else would’ve been scarier, but it wasn’t. and now looking back at this paragraph i wish i’d edited it differently but hey that’s life

i’d never really understood the purpose of religion as a self-driven part of life until i took anatomy in college. i was raised catholic and though culturally i understand having a religion and being raised with one, i’ve never really reached for religion when i wanted answers, and i haven’t personally understood why that’s someone’s first option. and i know there’s been plenty of commentary on the hypocrisy of dana scully as a catholic who believes in science, yada yada yada, i think everyone has read all of that by now. but what struck me while learning anatomy is that there is a kind of neuron we don’t know the function of. there are four kinds of neurons, and one of them is still a mystery to us. and then, there’s all of these different parts of human bodies that exist in a certain perfect way, but why do they exist like that? to support life, yes, but why is it that we can make comparisons? why were irises not the same color? and we name valves of the heart after religious figures. we are so hell-bent on meaning that something literal will never be enough. and all of that made me think that dana scully has god to fill in what science won’t answer, at least not yet. and there’s definitely a bigger conversation about science as denial of indigenous cultures that i am nowhere near qualified to start. after taking those classes, i think i would be more shocked if she wasn’t religious. you can ignore pretty much all of the paragraph above but it was important to me that at some point in this fic she willingly conceded that she didn’t know what would happen and that she didn’t have answers. with illness, there is no logic, there’s no thinking your way out of it, and i think that would plague her for a long time. to me, she only would accept her death when she could say she had no idea what would happen, she has no answers, there’s nothing filling in her gaps anymore, and she’s comfortable with that. and i put all of that in a paragraph about my thoughts on god because it made sense to me. there are times that just feel like you’re in a movie and there’s no one else you can say caused them. it’s not enough to build belief on but it’s enough to bring a certain kind of wonder. also one time my parents insisted on watching stripes because it was so funny and when watching it none of us found it funny at all and my parents grimaced and were like what were we on that made that good back in the day so that’s in here now haha

and now, the biggest question: does she die at the end? when i came up with the idea for this fic, i knew the beginning and ending but not the middle, and i posted this as a smaller project (ie: chapters below 3,000 words) while illness made my bigger projects harder to work on and essentially flew by the seat of my pants the whole time. i wrote the last line a long long time ago and have always seen the ending as written as the concrete ending. when i started writing this, i never intended for there to be a definitive answer to whether or not she dies. i like premature endings (the ending of girls burn brighter comes to mind) and i think that this works better without saying whether or not she lives. and i also have a hard time with giving a definitive answer because this fic very much is about death and having her die would, of course, be traumatic, but showing her living instead i think ruins any takeaways people could have. i’ve never had cancer but as a chronically ill person i think i can speak to how you never actually win with illness; the best you can do is tie, and sometimes, no matter how much effort you put in, you “lose” anyway, you lose spectacularly, and all of your effort was for nothing. i wholeheartedly believe that humans can’t emotionally or logically process natural disasters or illness, hence why much of the talk about illness in this is from mulder’s perspective as he experiences her terminal illness secondhand; that way, he doesn’t need to (but still likely will) find logic or reason or meaning for death from a terminal illness, so his discoveries and his coping mechanisms aren’t as urgently needed. had i written a chapter that describes how she lives, i think that the discussion of death in this would be voided altogether. and i also don’t believe the ending would be much different whether she lives or dies; there’s still the need for death acceptance and talking about dying, whether or not she lives, and none of the story in this fic would have happened had the characters known she would live. the whole point is not knowing.

for a little while i toyed with writing an unofficial sequel of sorts in which i spelled out what i think happens after the ending, but after realizing that that would end up being longer than the original fic and would also have some massive plot holes, i decided against it. i do have my own version and i don’t want to share that version because i never really intended for my version to be some kind of genuine sequel in which every question gets answered and everything is wrapped up and happy ever after and whatnot. it was just where my brain wandered in the same way it wanders when i watch an open-ended movie. all of that to say, if you think she lives, then she lives. if you think she dies, then she dies. it’s your decision. i’d much rather you choose than me. i never marked this as “major character” death on ao3 because, well, she doesn’t die in this fic. whether or not she dies after the fic ends, that’s for you to decide. 

thank you for taking the time to read my writing. i never expected this to blow up (it blew up for me at least, for a while it was my most popular fic ever, with i think thousands more hits than anything else i’d written) and the response has been mind-boggling and wonderful. i don’t respond to comments often because it makes me feel like a pompous jerk (”thank you for enjoying this! i, too, enjoy this thing i have written! oh ho ho!” is how it sounds to me in my head, whereas when other writers respond to comments to me it just looks like thanks man have a good day, feel free to call me a weenie) but i’ve appreciated all of them very much. THANK YOU! i hope your new year is a Whole Lot Less Shit than 2020. i don’t plan on writing more msr because i don’t really have any ideas for them. thank you for making my last time special <3

[adenil-umano]

12 Days of Spones Day 4: Connection

[Read on AO3]

“Will you look at that?”

Leonard sat back on his heels and placed the cardboard box gingerly on the ground. It was coated in a fine layer of dust, just like all the other boxes scattered around the room. Some were half open, their contents turned over and examined. A few boxes remained tightly shut, the faded labels on the side detailing contents that Leonard wasn’t ready to see. Those boxes had remained shut for over 30 years, and if he had his way they would never be opened.

But this box was different. He leaned over and blew off the dust before opening the box. “I can’t believe she kept all of these…”

“Leonard?”

He looked up. Spock stood in the doorway with two steaming mugs in his hands. Spock had left Leonard alone most of the day, just letting him sort through all his mother’s old things, only calling him down for supper. Now he stood uncertainly just outside the room.

“I have brought coffee.”

Leonard smiled. “Thank you, darlin’. You can come in, you know.”

Spock did, padding over to him and kneeling on the rug beside him. It was an old rug, handmade by Leonard’s great, great, great grandmother. It was nice not to have to kneel directly on the hardwood with his knees the way they were. 

“I see you have made progress,” Spock said as he scanned the room.

Leonard accepted one of the cups of coffee from him and took a long drink before responding. “I’ve made a little headway. But for the most part I’m just taking things out and scattering them around. I look at one thing and before I can decide what to do with it I’m distracted by something else.”

Spock nodded. “There is much to look at.”

“Mm.” He shifted to sit cross legged, cupping the mug in his hands to warm them. “I don’t think I’m going to be getting through everything tonight. Or even this week.”

“Understandable. Perhaps a break?”

Leonard glanced at the chronometer. Although it was well-past dark it was still early evening. Nights got dark fast this late in the winter. But Spock was right; his brain was fried from going through all his mother’s old things. Plus, it meant he’d been neglecting his partner.

“You poor old thing,” Leonard said. He leaned against Spock and Spock wrapped one arm around him. “I’ve been leaving you to your own devices all day. Who knows what kind of trouble you got up to?”

“I suffered through many harrowing adventures.”

He laughed. He kissed Spock’s cheek and then pulled away to rifle through the box he’d just been examining. “If we’re going to take a break, why don’t we do one of these?”

He lifted up another box with a Claude Monet painting on the cover. It was a puzzle proudly declaring itself to be 1,000 pieces.

“A puzzle?”

“I used to do them all the time as a kid.” He ran his hand over the cover, thinking back, way back, to how he had sat hunched over the kitchen table across from his mother, the both of them sorting through pieces together. “It took us days, sometimes. I suppose a puzzle like this is pretty easy for a Vulcan.”

“I have never attempted an Earth-style puzzle of this kind. I would be delighted to assist you.”

Leonard smiled. He rose, his knees creaking, and picked up his coffee and the puzzle. “Let’s get to it, then. These puzzles aren’t going to solve themselves.”

Spock had set up a little workspace on the kitchen table which he dutifully cleared away to make room for the puzzle. Leonard dumped it out haphazardly and began to sort through the pieces.

“I always went from the outside in,” he said, locating a few pieces with straight edges. “It was easier for me that way. And if you can find the corner piece--aha!” He held one up. “These are more valuable than dilithium. Treasure them.”

Spock nodded seriously. He sat beside Leonard and began to sort pieces as well. Spock pushed the edge pieces his way, and the rest he seemed to be sorting by color.

The first few pieces clicked together easily. They filled out two of the corners and started building up the right-hand side. After that, though, the going got tough; much of the image was of the same color with only slight variations from Monet’s brush strokes. Leonard would have left it for last, but Spock was transfixed by the muted yellow-brown. He carefully compared each piece to the other, holding them near what they had already completed and then pulling them away again.

“Mr. Spock, you’re a natural.”

Spock was intent on his task and didn’t look up. “I am attempting to approach the matter through logical means. Sorting the pieces by color should allow us to easily access pieces which fit near each other in the completed puzzle. Then, it is merely a matter of finding likely pieces to fill the gaps. Although, I must admit I am impressed by the manufacturer’s ability to create such similarly shaped pieces that nevertheless do not fit together.”

“It’s a skill.” Leonard found one of the pieces and clicked it into place. They were building a little peninsula of puzzle pieces. 

“Tell me: is this act intended to induce frustration?”

Leonard laughed. “Intended? I don’t know about that. But it often does. I was driven to tears more than once as a kid. And a teenager. And an adult.” He smiled at the memory. 

“That does not sound enjoyable.”

“It’s like life, Spock. It has its ups and downs. But unlike life, you always know exactly how well you’re doing, and how close you are to being done.”

They worked in silence for a while, connecting pieces. It took nearly an hour to solve the riddle of the right-hand side, and then they got into more interesting territory. Yellow and pale orange pieces clicked together, and Leonard admired Monet’s ability to render reflection in such a bold medium. 

“Leonard, I do not mean to alarm you, but I believe we are missing several pieces.”

“That happens. They’re so small they get lost. Hell, some of them are probably still floating around the house somewhere.”

“One of them may be the corner piece.” Spock tapped the lower left-hand corner. “I have not found a piece which fits here.”

Leonard whistled. “That’s a shame. It won’t be complete without it, but maybe it’ll still look nice.”

He’d been right about Spock’s speed. As they wound down, Spock began to click pieces together faster and faster, until all Leonard had to do was sit back and enjoy the show. Spock was completely into it now, utterly focused and intent. He hardly seemed to notice that Leonard was no longer assisting him. Leonard folded his hands together over his stomach and smiled as his partner set the last piece firmly in place.

Spock sat back and surveyed their work critically. “Four pieces are missing. Including the corner. I am sorry, Leonard.” He looked beseechingly at him.

Leonard laughed. “It doesn’t matter, darlin’. I just liked putting it together with you. Shall we admire our handiwork?”

They both leaned over, examining the semi-completed rendition of Monet’s Jar of Peaches. It was a nice, simple painting, Leonard thought. He wondered if Monet had snacked on those peaches after he finished painting them.

“An interesting method of observing fine art,” Spock said.

“Not every day you get to touch the paintings. Even if it is just little cardboard cutouts of it.”

Spock turned to him and offered him a finger kiss, which Leonard happily accepted. “Thank you, Leonard. For introducing me to something new.”

Leonard curled his fingers a bit tighter. “Not exactly new. I think I did this exact puzzle with my mom, oh, sixty years ago now? I think it was fall then, though. I remember I was so excited about the peaches that she cut up a bowl for me. Fresh off the tree.” He was starting to get a little heavy-lidded. He yawned, and had to pull his hand away as his yawn turned into a stretch. 

“Perhaps we should retire?”

“Mm, sounds nice.” He give Spock a kiss on the cheek, and then another, more lingering one on the lips. “You’re precious to me, darlin’.”

“As precious as a corner piece?”

He laughed. “A helluva lot more precious than that, and you know it. Now come on.” He stood and offered Spock his hand. “The bed is cold and I need my Vulcan space heater to warm me.”

Spock rose gracefully and slotted their hands together. They left the puzzle laid out on the table as they walked away, a work of art that wold span generations. Even if, occasionally, a piece or two went missing.

[magicofthepen]

Gallifrey Relisten: Spirit

This reaction post is almost 4,000 words long, which, given the episode in question.....is very on brand for me. So here have a whole lot of ramblings, in which I go back and forth between “I love this so much” and “hmm yes I do think Spirit is overhyped by virtue of being The Romana/Leela Episode,” and back and forth between “I will be objective and not get overtly shippy about this” and “I’m definitely getting overtly shippy about this.” 

(Includes discussion of The Apocalypse Element, the rest of Series 2, Intervention Earth and Enemy Lines, also a bit about Time War 3, but only in the last section.) 

Things that are absolutely not overrated and deserve every bit of the hype:

1. The premise

Like, hold on. Hold on. Here we have an entire episode resting on the premise of “Romana wants Leela to stay on Gallifrey so badly that in spite of being y’know, the President of a planet, and specifically a planet currently undergoing major social changes and dealing with evil eldritch beings, the #1 most important thing for her to do with her time is take Leela on a private vacation off world to convince Leela why she should stay on Gallifrey.” (Hint: it’s. it’s for Romana.) 

She also then proceeds to be very bad at using her words when it comes to this premise because Romana is all into grand gesture and very little into actually talking about her feelings. Of course. But in an episode that rests on the idea of Romana as the Rational, Logic-Driven One, and Leela as the Instinctive, Emotion-Driven One, it is very good that the premise of the episode is entirely driven by Romana’s emotions. (Wait. Am I going to talk myself out of the idea that Spirit creates these overly simplistic contrasts between Romana and Leela by arguing that it also muddies them at the same time? .....I still think the “overly simplistic” thing is true to an extent. But stay tuned.)

2. The core emotional story

I’m deeply into Gallifrey for the relationships between the main characters, so Spirit is vastly appealing on that front. 

The central question of Spirit is: can Leela trust Romana? Leela’s been deeply betrayed by her husband, she feels lost and adrift and she’s doubting her own ability to judge people. (“He stood before me as Torvald, and I did not know him. I had thought myself to have a keener eye.” / “But is his the only trust I may have given in error?”) Leela’s doubting her own instincts specifically, which is why it’s so important that this episode has Romana move from being more dismissive of Leela’s instinctive, emotional approach to the world, to understanding where Leela’s coming from and appreciating her instincts and worldview. Leela needs to trust not just Romana, but also herself.

And it is 1. important to explore this! Shoutout to Gallifrey for not brushing aside the emotional repercussions of Andred’s betrayal on Leela’s close relationships in general and her own image of herself! and 2. intersects in super fascinating ways with Romana’s trust issues.

Romana gets a hard time for the “valuable asset” thing, which. Fair. But I think it is important to acknowledge the premise here — the whole vacation, everything Romana is actually doing screams “I care about you very much on a personal level,” and just because she isn’t saying that doesn’t mean she isn’t showing that. Because she has her own baggage when it comes to friendship and trust, and a lot of that does loop back around to “being imprisoned for twenty years and having no one come to save you really messes you up. on so many levels.” 

(Also I have to mention the end of The Apocalypse Element because that last scene with the Doctor and Romana really established how I looked at Romana and her close personal relationships moving forward. Because yeahhhh maybe having the one (1) person who is specifically your Friend (and not your colleague, or advisor, or anything related to The Presidency) go “yeah you can clean up this mess right! cool bye!” after you’ve gone through decades of trauma immediately followed by needing to repel an invasion of your planet....maybe that might make you distrust that anyone in the universe is actually going to care about you as a person anymore, and not see you as The President of Gallifrey first and foremost). 

Bottom line: Romana really, really likes Leela (.....we all can decide in what way....), but also has a whole lot of doubt that other people could care about her as a person, doubt that it’s even worth letting herself be that emotionally vulnerable with someone else, because what if they throw her trust and care back in her face? And so this whole episode, there’s this undercurrent of wanting to trust each other and wanting to care about each other simmering under the surface for the both of them, but they’re both having trouble really seeing and believing what each other is feeling and I love it. I love this kind of interesting, complicated relationship struggle so much, and I love how Spirit has a positive ending, where they both manage to convey to each other in one way or another that they really do want to be around each other. ( “I was so alone in the world of dreams when you left. The wildlands were dark and so quiet. I do not wish to be alone.” / “There will be a place for you with me, for always. Whatever face I wear.” ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh) 

(Sure, the later episodes of the season fuck everything up again, but we are Not Talking about Insurgency/Imperiatrix here.) 

(We are also Not Talking about Intervention Earth/Enemy Lines....okay I’ll talk a little about IE/EL, but only because when relistening to Spirit there’s this sort of elephant in the room with “There will be a place for you with me, for always. Whatever face I wear.” And that elephant is the writers deciding that when Romana regenerated, she would abandon Leela, which...hmmm. To be fair, I have lots of more complex, specific thoughts about what might have happened emotionally and literally in that thankfully jettisoned timeline, but the bottom line is that I was and still am very *side eyes* at that writing choice.) 

3. The chair scene

Oh my god. Oh my god. This scene is actually brilliant and delightful on every relisten, I want it framed please?? 

I think it’s probably iconic because it’s just so happy, and it is so so wonderful to have a moment like that, with the two of them making up a silly story to Hallan about what happened to the window and laughing about it. And it is good! It’s so good! (A side note: Romana in particular in this episode has that “audibly smiling” tone of voice so so much more than usual, in addition to her overall tone having very clearly shifted away from “presidential” for the majority of the episode and y’all.....it’s so excellent to hear, that is such a rare thing.)

Also specifically, it’s the fact that Leela is like ugh this room is too stuffy :( and Romana immediately is like “I must fix this, I need to make her happy” and does something so ridiculous and impulsive just to please Leela.......again, this episode is pulling a Romana Has Too Many Feelings and is acting on her emotional instincts thing......yes. 

“You’re a breath of it yourself in the Capital.” “Oh Romana, nice words will not make me stay.” I’m sorry but Romana’s delivery of this line is so flirtatious? (And Leela going ah no, you can’t flirt your way out of this.) 

Things that are......not good:

1. The science vs. spirituality dichotomy (and how it makes the characters look)

The whole evolution vs. creation discussion thing not only feels too simplistic for the characters, but it also feels like it’s deliberately painting Leela in a negative light? To have Leela specifically going I don’t believe in evolution when the audience is going to disagree with her and bounce off of that....yeah. It also feels like the whole exaggerated ~super in tune with nature, doesn’t know or believe things about science~ thing is leaning into the racist indigenous stereotypes her character is too often linked to.

And on top of that, it doesn’t feel in character? Classic Who episodes don’t stick in my brain that well so my memory isn’t super clear on the details, but Leela was banished from her tribe for questioning their beliefs. Plus she learned that her society’s social divisions were based on misinformation and forgotten history (having more information was important, it changed things for her world). And she was the one who wanted to leave and travel, and also has always showed a lot of interest in learning new things. To have Leela so deeply clinging to the beliefs she learned when she was young, without any of that questioning or the nuance of weaving in new things she’s learned with the old......it feels reductive. (There could be so much more nuance here re: how living so long away from the Sevateem and having to defend her background so much on Gallifrey has affected her relationship with the culture and beliefs she grew up in, but Spirit has none of that.) 

2. The mindswap’s lack of nuance 

There’s a similar issue here with the mindswap, where Leela especially comes off as over-simplified. I don’t know if this was an acting choice or a directing choice, but the over-the-topness of Lalla’s performance during the mindswap really feeds that (the way Romana’s voice sounds so different when she’s “acting like Leela”, while Leela still sounds fundamentally like herself when she’s acting more like Romana — why the difference?). Also, Romana is a lot more helpless and distressed when she has part of Leela in her mind, which again, does not make Leela come off as especially competent (even though she is). There are times when this episode feels like it’s trying harder to put Romana and Leela into these boxes than it is at trying to break down those boxes and yeah, all around I wish there was more nuance.

3. The interrupting of the vacation date, damn it, do you think I care about a “plot”?

Alright, alright this one is not in the same category as the other two. It is absolutely not a valid criticism, it is purely the “I want this audio to cater to me, personally” part of my brain getting disappointed every time I relisten when Wynter crashes the vacation. Specifically, when they’re all alone in the woods together having important personal conversations and Leela’s decided that they’re camping out for the night....maybe I just wanted to hear the overnight camping trip, y’know. Maybe I just wanted them to cuddle beneath the stars. (Also this will come back big time next episode, but I very much back away from horror of Wynter’s mutilation, I am a squeamish person and the Wynter thing is not my favorite plot.) 

Misc liveblogging things: 

“I’m sorry I had to have you dragged here to my quarters. I have requested an audience with you several times on a matter of security but have received no answer.” — It’s unclear exactly how much time has passed between Lies and Spirit, but not too long(?) and Leela’s been trying to track down Andred a lot during this time (which means that once again, Romana’s specifically taking Leela away from looking for Andred....).

Leela scathingly calling Romana “Madam President” oof. (I think this moment may have been what I was thinking of re: Leela only uses Romana’s title when she’s annoyed or angry, will have to note if/when it happens again.) 

“It is your world and not mine. Although I have lived here for many years it has never been my home. And I am unhappy.” I know I’ve said this before, but Leela’s concept of home is very much the people she cares about and hhhhh so many feelings about this throughout the series.

Oof Darkel’s got Romana pegged with the “how far will she go” thing.

Is Narvin......being nice re: Romana having a trying time? Or sarcastic? Or is he just like oh thank god she’s off the planet for a hot sec I can take a breath. 

Brax saying it was him that recommended Romana leave and insisting they don’t talk about it — he’s sooo covering for her, but also I want to know how that convo went....how exactly did Romana explain the “I’m going to take Leela on a private vacation off-world for.....personal reasons.....please cover for me slash be my emergency contact” thing? 

“So I can only conclude from your recent behavior that you’re experiencing a considerable amount of pain.” — I mean, Leela did explicitly say earlier that she was unhappy. Still, it is a really good moment here — Romana saying I see that you’re hurting and I want to help. 

.......and that’s right before “valuable asset” line. You were doing so good, Romana. (She does say friend though! I mean, she says it like it’s an ordeal, but she does immediately course correct to admit that Leela’s her friend.) Also....I’m having some kinda thought here about the “asset” line — how she compliments Leela in terms of her usefulness is icky, but I think Romana often judges her own worth based off of how useful she is to Gallifrey? I think there are several moments throughout the series that point to Romana basing her worth as a person off of her work and how successful she is at protecting her world and making it better, which is just an overall unhealthy mindset to be in (and this says something about the toxicity of Gallifreyan culture possibly but also something about the lingering trauma of Etra Prime and living for decades in a place where her life itself (whether she survived) was directly tied to her usefulness...going to mull this over more, but I think there’s something here). 

Hallan is so awful about Leela, and he goes on for a bit about how he should be watching the president at all times — aka there is definitely resentment within the Chancellery Guard towards Leela for taking the role of bodyguard to the president. And this is mixed in with nasty comments about Andred, former member of the Chancellery Guard, for marrying an alien. 

“A marriage is about maintaining the power of the chapters, strengthening alliances between houses” — it is interesting how more than once in the audios they talk about marriage as primarily a political thing in Time Lord culture (at least among the elite), with love being an exception and something disapproved of. 

The “Leela’s been on Gallifrey for twenty-five years” math......does not work. Between The Invasion of Time and the Gallifrey audios, Romana left Gallifrey, ended up traveling with the Doctor for a while, stayed behind in E-space for a while, returned from E-space to Gallifrey, became President, got captured by the Daleks and held prisoner for twenty years, and according to Square One I believe it’s been “years” since The Apocalypse Element.......and apparently only twenty-five years have passed on Gallifrey? Even if we pretend that no time passed on Gallifrey during Romana’s adventures with the Doctor and in E-space, that timeline is still questionable. Leela has to be on Gallifrey for a lot longer than that. 

“I’ve searched for [my purpose] in many places.” — It’s interesting that Romana lists off the places she’s tried to find purpose, but doesn’t say anything at all about Gallifrey — Leela is the one to say that Romana has found her purpose on Gallifrey, Romana never actually says that. (I have...lot of feelings about Romana’s very complicated relationship to Gallifrey.) 

Romana mentions Pandora predicting that she would rule over Gallifrey, and predicting that Romana would let that happen — Romana is worried about Pandora in particular, and also there’s the implication that she wants Leela to stay to help her hold onto herself and prevent that future. 

Just ahhhh the scene by the fire where Leela decides, after avoiding too much discussion about what she’s feeling, to be emotionally honest: “It frightens me to think that I have spent so much of my life with another in a trust that I believed was true and strong, one that could not sicken, and that I was wrong.”; “You are my friend. I know that, for all we disagree on. And yet, if tomorrow you grew sick, you could throw off your form like an old sheet and be a person I would no longer recognize, not with my eyes nor with my heart.” It’s a good scene!!

The whole “who is the broken man?” mystery is good on first listen I suppose, but I’ve never quite bought that they can’t ID him. Can the Time Lords not do a quick DNA test or something? (To be fair, these are the same people who missed that Andred was impersonating someone else for months, but at least here they actively know that they need to be figuring out who he is.)

The herbal remedy — “The outsiders use it when in pain or distress.” Confirmation that Leela does hang out with the outsiders on Gallifrey. 

“I’ve been inside these things I don’t know how many times and I assure you nothing could go wrong.” Post-Etra Prime Romana trying to get some sleep for once tbh (also okay she does have some healthy coping mechanisms apparently). 

“It speaks to your innermost wishes and wonders and indulges them while you dream” “There is a wild woman inside me” I’m so sorry but did they really not intend to making the sensory tanks and mindswap sound incredibly erotic because

“It is winter here.” *eyebrow waggle*

I do not like hearing stabbing sounds! (Also apparently this season has a thing for Romana kinda sorta killing people with knives.) 

Leela wakes up a bit later than Romana (she stays in the dream space longer), and she says she heard Pandora’s voice — Romana dismisses that, but I do wonder what exactly happened in the dreamspace after Romana woke and what additional things Leela might have heard/seen??

Hallan is so shitty, kick his ass Leela.

I do wonder why the subplot with Melyin and Hallan was included? Was it to introduce Hallan as a character and flesh out the side characters so we know them a bit better when they’re around with the Wynter subplot? (Personally, I don’t enjoy how earlier in the episode they keep cutting away from Romana and Leela’s really important and interesting conversation to those two sides characters, so I’m not sure they needed that storyline?) But there is this sort of interesting moment where Melyin talks about freeing herself from this place where she’s isolated and Leela sympathizes — and yet at the same time is choosing to go back to Gallifrey. There is potentially an interesting parallel here, but I’m not exactly sure what the parallel is supposed to be saying about Leela.

“And what about you? Back to Gallifrey and your husband?” “I am returning to Gallifrey, yes. It is not yet time for me to leave.” Leela expertly dodging mentioning Andred in her response or referring to him as her husband. Actually I kinda want to pay more attention to when she does or doesn’t refer to Andred as her husband. I’m pretty sure she calls him her husband after he dies because that is who she’s grieving, but in this episode she talks about wanting to confront him and hurt him or make peace with him, and in A Blind Eye she was all “my husband is dead” (and I think there are some things in Insurgency about this) —there is a question here about whether or not she still considers herself married to Andred at this point.   

How did the knowledge of events get out on Gallifrey? Brax says if people were watching his movements closely it wouldn’t be hard to put things together — but also he probably knows that Romana needs to return for Gallifrey for events to play out, so it seems quite possible that he essentially leaked the info himself (knowing that the events of Pandora are coming....oof). 

Leela talks about returning to Gallifrey avenge the broken man — in series 2 and 3, she frequently turns to vengeance as something to give her motivation and purpose when she’s unhappy and grieving, but I forgot it came up as early as Spirit ahhh yikes. 

The (shippy) elephant in the room:

(Includes vague mentions of Time War 3.) 

As a final thing, I do want to mention that while this episode has a reputation of being really gay (because yep it so so subtextually gay)....I do always remember that it is only subtext. Specifically in a “isn’t it interesting that other ships between main characters get clearly teased as romantic possibility, but when it’s the core relationship of the show that just so happens to be between two characters played by women, they would never explicitly hint that there might be anything romantic going on there” way. (For a long time, I tried to convince myself this didn’t bother me. It does.) 

Like don’t get me wrong, I adore their friendship and I am very cool with their relationship being entirely platonic in the audios. However, my feelings are also very context-dependent, and the context is an audio drama series in which the only explicitly queer characters are side/minor characters who die horribly (and also only exist in the very recent releases). There are no canon f/f relationships or canonically queer women in the entire series (no, Leela/Veega doesn’t count, they were pretty explicit on that being not canon), in contrast with plenty of canon m/f relationships. This is also why I say that I’d be 100% unbothered if Gallifrey really was equal-opportunity devoid of romance (I really genuinely enjoy the friendship-centric narrative of this series, it’s so good) or even had significant canonically queer side characters, but when there’s such a pointed ignoring of any queer subtext and a general ‘would never ever make any main character canonically queer’ vibe throughout the whole series (I am looking at you Unity) it’s.....hmmm. It just doesn’t feel good, you know? 

To end on a lighter (ish) note, going to talk about shippy things for a sec — so I have many headcanon universes that float around in my brain, but generally speaking when I’m writing Romana/Leela fic or thinking about the possibility of their relationship being romantic at some point, I tend to go for things happening between them later in the audios (ideally post-Enemy Lines), with the early series just being endless unresolved tension. But gosh there is a part of me that’s interested in the disaster universe where they do get romantically involved with each other post-Spirit (because as far as the early series go, it does feel like it has to be post-Spirit, when Leela does make the choice to stay with Romana/for Romana on Gallifrey) because oh god that’s so emotionally messy. (It’s only been six months and change since Leela’s husband first disappeared! We’re only two episodes away from Andred’s death! She’s not in a healthy emotional space to be doing this right now, and neither is Romana, frankly! Especially given what’s going to happen in the next several episodes.....but oof wow there’s certainly a story to explore there). 

This was not a lighter note, I’m so sorry. Anyways, friendly reminder that I’m always down to go on and on about Romana/Leela, I have....so many feelings about them. Also if you’ve actually read through this entire post, wow and thank you??

Previous Episode Reaction: Lies

[carnal-lnstinct]

Conton City Lockdown

Summary: Time patrollers have returned from missions carrying an unknown disease and infecting others denizens of Conton City with it, forcing Trunks and Supreme Kai of Time to shut down most operations and training around the City and drastically limit missions for a while until they can get everything under control. Everyone is instructed to stay inside their assigned domiciles until further notice. “Who knows what that could do to the timeline if Patrollers pass it on during a mission?!” Supreme Kai of Time urges Conton. The Conton City Hero has also been quarantined with her current Master, Goku much to both their dismay as there was still so much training left. What other shenanigans can the two saiyans get themselves into while being all cooped up.

Word Count: 2,164 (Chapter 2) AO3 Rating: Mature Warning: (  explicit language ) A/N:   Did I yadda yadda some saiyan lore around a story line where anything can happen and be logically possible when time travelling and universe hopping exist on a regular basis? You bet your sweet monkey tail having arse. This one was a little shorter, but the Gitchie, gitchie, ya-ya returns next chapter.

Chapter 2

You're not too keen on traveling to the other world of your own free will just yet. It was barely a pleasant experience travelling to Hell to correct the hitch in the timeline before. Not to mention the Parallel Quests assigned to you to investigate. For a place so colorful and vast...it was Hell. No need to see more of it or anything like it for a while. Your Training Master making the suggestion to travel with him to King Kai's is immediately met with a hard pass. Yes, you had eventually brought out the tracksuit he left behind a while ago as a spare pair of clothing for him. And as predicted he recalled the dead Kai's humble planet. "No one goes there but me, anyways" He pointed out as a matter of fact, "There was no way a dead Kai was going to get sick". As quickly as he could put on the clothes after cleaning up from your passionate moments, he bid you farewell for now and was gone. Leaving you with just the phantom traces of his rough hands abusing your skin and sloppy kisses all over your face and neck. It had only been hours following the powerful experience and you couldn't believe how much you missed his presence already.  It would go against your nature to have begged him to stay simply because you wanted to stay close to him a little longer. Maybe the time separated was needed to give you some time to think it over. Goku was your Trainer, after all. Not only yours, either. But he had always praised you as his star pupil. Never have you felt selfish of another person before and blamed it all on still being caught up in the heat of the moment.

As the time passed on and the new day surely came to its expected end, right as you were ready to accept that you were going to be here alone for a while, Goku's energy instantly fills the space and he reappears in front of you. His skin sweaty and tracksuit filthy from his work out, but with that delighted smile of his. Your heart fluttered, not expecting him to return so soon. In his hand was a bundle of boxed food made by the North Kai. What you assumed was some portion of food he saved for himself for later was brought specifically for you. Without warning, you climbed the larger Saiyan with a single leap when he said it, crashing your mouth onto his and practically mounted him right then, his sore muscles and all. Nothing sharing the lunch he brought afterwards didn't fix.

The few days following Goku's awakening into this "new hobby" has been a very informative bonding experience for the two of you. And now you were sure he was trying to kill you with it. Of course, you bring it on yourself having to be the initiator, the latter still not quite able to pick up on your cues or innuendos to jump start a good time. You'd make it clear to him in your frustration after you toss playing coy out the window and spell it out to him. That aggressive tone you embody that would put off anyone else yet it only seemed to make the Saiyan feel embarrassed for his short-comings in the whole thing, but thrilled for the shared pleasure. Goku's gentleness in his approach to it sometimes leaves you somewhat unsatisfied, not that he never made up for in the long run, and boy does he, but he was never just right when you needed him to be.

Granted, your wild fantasy stems from the raunchy mangas you have filled your spare time with, you know the Earthly Saiyan has it in him. He just missuses it. When you want him to challenge your forwardness and press his hard, trained body against yours, squeeze your smaller frame to fit to his and stare you down with his feral eyes, he's tenderly rubbing into the curves of your back and tail, and placing these little warm kisses into your face and neck. But when you want to take it slower after being driven into at different angles and your body aches from the constant stimulation, he does not relent nor does your burning saiyan blood and sex-drunk mind carry the sense to yield even when the azure color fills his eyes and the golden hue vibrates across the outline of his body threatening to revitalize him for another go. You just wanted to see that savage vigor from beginning to end, and then the gentleness can follow.

It was the closest thing the two of you had to training together these days, a challenge of endurance and control. Still, not a day went by you weren't longing for Supreme Kai of Time or the Elder Kai to summon you back to the Time Nest for another special mission. With all the going on of the disease and that creep Fu on the loose as well, work was going to be non-stop to catch up when it was finally okay to head out again and you were looking forward to scratching that fighting itch once more. The worry settling in your bones and the daily complaint of your "cell mate" begging for the same release were beginning to make you stir-crazy. You had to distract him for your sake and his. One more 'It's already been "so-and-so" days, when's it gonna be over?' and you were going to put him through a wall.

Being saiyans on opposite ends of the spectrum did well to draw attention away from the quarantine, as well. You found yourself more intrigued with this version's history that lead him to the man he is today. You know the basics, all the scouted Time Patrollers do, but this variant of the Z Warrior lead a life not too similar with the story and still comes out more powerful than ever. You pressed him for answers, idle chat through the "parrying" game you came up with to keep your focus sharp. Goku sits in front of you with both his hands  held up as you try to punch your fists pass them. There was no concern you would land anything. The way he misdirects your fists with hardly a flinch in his posture was pure instinct. As you sat across from him, fists up as you try to think 3 steps ahead and contemplate which one to throw at him, you finally asked.

"What's it like? Living with Earthlings? " Hoping your sudden question would give you the opening you need, throwing a right hook only to be swatted to his right. You recoil back into your stance, continuing. "I didn't grow up on Planet Vegeta either, but I was still raised around other saiyans."

"Really? I thought all of you were coming from another Planet Vegeta in the time-space holes you guys are always working on. I'd love to see what kind of strong warriors you got there, especially if they're as strong as you!" Another success block as you come at him from the right again. "As for Earth, it's pretty amazing! We don't have many saiyans, but we got a pretty strong batch of fighters. If not for guys like Piccolo, Raditz or Vegeta, we would never know how much stronger we could become. But when we're not fighting to get stronger and everything's at peace, it can be pretty beautiful. A little too quiet for me, but I wouldn't want to have it any other way so long as I can always get a good fight in every once in a while. Not to mention all the awesome food!"

Agreed, Earth definitely had some of the best food you ever had in your whole life and was grateful for its abundance here in Conton City. There was so much flavor, and the different consistencies all coming together to make something you couldn't hardly put it into words. It made your mouth water just thinking about it.  "What about you, (y/n)?" The Saiyan asks.

"In my timeline, I grew up on Planet Stock. A sub colony of Saiyans our King Vegeta colonized in secret from King Cold as a gift to the Young Prince who would one day rise as a formidable foe to that tyrant Cold and his heirs. Then he would rule over Stock as his own kingdom while Planet Vegeta acted as our hub world. Or... at least that was the plan. One day our planet suddenly stopped getting responses from Planet Vegeta, not even the best scouters could detect it anywhere. Like it disappeared. It was only after I became a Time Patroller I found out Frieza destroyed it." Your fists visibly clench tighter as you opt for a left punch this time. Rather than parrying it this time, Goku catches it in his hand.

"Frieza always prides himself on that. I'm sorry." Your Master offers looking down at you with a softer gaze. You look up from your focal point to see his stare and look away.

"It doesn't matter. Knowing what I know now, even if Planet Vegeta and Stock had hundreds and hundreds of our best warriors there to defend against Frieza's attack, we would be worse for it. I've seen it.. " You withdraw your fist from his hold and roll your shoulders. "And Lord Beerus will destroy us all for it." You lower your stance and release your tensed hands. It's not easy to think that letting one monster destroy the home world of your people was better than the God of Destruction wiping out both worlds. Besides, the scroll of time deemed it the most accurate that Frieza gets to do it. You're still pushing against the Elder Kai and Supreme Kai of Time to use the Dragon Balls to restore Planet Vegeta.

"It's never easy to make decisions like that. There's not a moment I don't think back on the times when I was at my limit and felt like I was gambling with the lives of my friends and the people of earth in order to win a fight. But I always find a way to push through and save everyone. I even thought letting Cell blow me up would spare everyone. " He laughs, but it sounded a little more morose than his usual joy, making you turn your gaze back towards him. "I was foolish, when I had fought Cell we were evenly matched until I used my Kaioken attack and managed to knock Android 18 of him. I gave him a chance to give up and leave the planet and instead I put everyone else in danger.. I even thought if I stayed in the Other World, Earth would be a better place. We still had Piccolo to keep an eye on everything, and Vegeta too. Oh, and Trunks, too! He was going to grow up someday and be a strong warrior just like his father. Everyone else could live the life they wanted."

Goku extends his large hand and cups your small cheek into its curve, you leaning into the warm touch, "Your heart's in the right place. I see why everyone puts so much faith in you to do your best." His smile grows and your cheeks glisten with a pink hue. You avert your eyes as your insides flutter up again to avoid his knowing eyes.

"--W-Whatever, don't go getting all sentimental on me." You shrug trying to fight off your own smile. You raise your fist and give him a playfully nudge on his chin. "See, you're leaving yourself wide open. Keep this up and I'll surpass you in no time." Goku's bright laughter comes full force and he takes your first in his hand again.

"So long as you keep training, I'm sure you will." He brushes your fist pass his lips and delicately places a kiss to your battle-hardened knuckles. "I'll be sure to get stronger, too."

That sounded romantic coming from him, the blush on your face spreading but you keep trying to play it off. A little soft touch...actually does a lot to you. Your chest and your belly are bouncing such a warmth back and forth but it's different from wanting him to pin you down with all his strength and bury himself to the hilt inside you. Just his hand on your cheek and wrapped around your fingers as his lips caressed them was so...fulfilling. Even his laugh, once this goofy sound to your ears was now a blissful tone to your very soul. The Savior of Earth, this immortalized hero across the timelines made you feel like you were blooming. The sensation was only shaken by the sudden growl of his stomach, prompting him to laugh nervously "Whoops, guess I'm hungry again."

You laugh too and shake your head. "Fine, but dishes are on you this time."

[counterror]

* ANSWERED ASK  /  GHOST META.

                          DO NOT REBLOG.

RANDOM DEVELOPMENT ASKS  /  ALWAYS ACCEPTING.

anonymous asked :  are there any differences between how simon acts towards children and how ghost acts towards them ? in a situation where a child could be a threat, how does he deal ? in the other meta you said he could potentially become more feral and frantic when presented with a vulnerable kid, is this because of an innate desire to keep them safe or for other reasons ? what's his view on those who harm children and if he witnessed something like that, what sort of reaction would he have ? love your metas btw !

I believe there are differences.   in a situation where ghost is confronted with a child as a hostage, it’d be simon that bleeds through.  if you think about it, despite simon practically shutting himself off and engaging ghost once the mask is on, ghost isn’t a separate entity that’s jumped into his body.  he’s a persona.   meaning, despite his complete lack of empathy and hard shell, simon is witnessing everything taking place.  he’s merely channeling certain aspects of himself to get the job done.   

take the concept of a method actor, an actor who remains in their role right up until the job is finished, if they’re playing an extremely apathetic character and the routine of that character is to kill the bad guy.  mind you, the actor themselves are empathetic.  so you’ve got this caring, empathetic actor playing the role of someone that’s the complete opposite.  and it’s all going fine, routine is routine, you’re used to it  -  until there’s the cold hard reality of a child stood in front of them with their life on the line.  imagine that one thing that draws every ounce of empathy out of you and put it in the place of that child.   do you really think simon, the actor in this circumstance, would shun that entire situation purely to remain in character ?  if they really want to, they might confront the event as the character  -  while responding to the actor’s empathy rather than ignoring it entirely, if that makes sense ?   

so you’ve got ghost, who’s apathetic, logical, focused and objective being driven by simon riley, who’s capable of being all of those things but completely lacks the composure to act confidently and intelligently on them.   which works fine, until ghost is faced with a situation that can draw aspects of simon out that are meant to be boxed away until later.   but then without ghost present, simon on his own would behave in an entirely different way.  which would risk getting him and the child killed, because the urge to react would outweigh the certainty of being logical and careful.  but because simon would also bleed through ghost in that moment, even with the mask on, it’d prompt ghost’s response to be less calm and analytical than it would be when faced with an adult  -  since simon wouldn’t be bleeding through under that circumstance.  

however, high stress interactions differ massively from general ones, so if ghost was faced with a child in a calm environment  -  say he randomly crossed paths with one while deployed, it wouldn’t trigger any reaction from simon.  he’d move on and have little interaction.  he’s there to get the job done.  whereas were simon to cross paths with a child, he’d be more observational of the child’s surroundings, scanning what their parents are like or if they’re in any danger.   this changes for ghost when high intensity comes into play  -  when lives are on the line.   he would ignore the child, up until that child called for help or was visibly in danger, in which case a response would surge from simon  -  likely kicking ghost into reacting in a more urgent and frantic way.   it’s important to note that ghost is, mostly, a manifestation of simon’s grief and anger that is stored away, which he learnt to utilize in a useful way.   emotions that would typically eat away at you and push you to act out within society are caged away and then brought out in full force when faced with hostile environments  -  he’s able to turn that aggression and violence on and off with the mask.   but the lack of control in a situation can cause it to be used inappropriately or clumsily, because simon’s lack of composure bleeds through and is liable to cause ghost to make mistakes.   so behaviour and reactions definitely vary depending on circumstance.

things differ with a child who’s perceived as a threat.  it’s similar to how a soldier may love dogs, may even own one, but if an enemy’s dog is charging at them with the sole intention to rip out their throat or one of their teammate’s, they have to act without holding up the mission or giving away their presence.   I do believe when an enemy is involved ghost will aggressively and actively block simon out in order to proceed.  he’s experienced enough to know that an enemy with a weapon has the potential to compromise the mission, kill him and one if not all of his men.  there is a big difference between an innocent civilian in danger and an enemy that is bringing the danger.   this is where ghost’s objective thinking comes into play, child or not, this enemy has a weapon and intends to use it on me.  morals and ethics go out the window, albeit with an extremely subtle struggle in comparison to eliminating an older enemy.   whether he wants to or not doesn’t come into it, and the same can be said in a situation where a pregnant woman with an explosive vest on is approaching him or his team.  he’s trained to see, before anything else, an enemy who intends to harm innocents.  whereas an innocent child being taken hostage by an enemy presents a completely different variety of consequences and possibilities.  

that’s not to say eliminating a child enemy who’s considered a threat wouldn’t play back on his mind later once the mask is off.  but the reality is that, leaving that child alive could’ve meant high causality numbers of the people he’s supposed to be protecting  -  that lapse in judgement could risk the deaths of many, all to protect that one.   and ghost is trained to see that before anything else, meaning simon is too and therefore wouldn’t disruptively bleed through because he knows it has to be done.

the feral and frantic side I mentioned in that meta is a combination of simon bleeding through which prompts ghost to lose the control he has over the aggressive, hostile aspects of himself he projects  -  anger that’s triggered to be used inappropriately or impulsively rather than calculated or logically.   ghost is a protective persona, his purpose is to act as a fortified wall around simon so the moment a direct threat to simon is perceived ( such as something that triggers his ptsd, like witnessing a child in danger, ) ghost’s aggression will spike in a way that isn’t progressive.  ( this isn’t to be compared to the general threat that comes with his line of work, because that’s a different threat entirely. )  that’s simon bleeding through, his lack of composure pushing the control out of ghost’s hands.   

it isn’t innate, but it is a desire to keep them safe.  throughout much of his childhood, he didn’t feel this way.  in fact, he wasn’t aware of his own trauma for much of his life, until he grew to his older teen years in which terms and labels became evident and he could see life for what it was.   he eventually felt for kids in rough situations, and empathized with them, and his trauma / abuse throughout his childhood is the primary fuel of that desire.  he had to become his own hero, effectively  -  there was no one there for him and therefore he had to become the man he needed at the time of his struggle.  if he witnesses anything remotely similar to that which he experienced, or he sees a child who needs someone but doesn’t have them  -  he steps up and puts people in their place.  he will speak up about it.   

however, the final push came when his nephew was murdered alongside his family.  a sweet, innocent child caught up in cold blood.   clueless and terrified as two men, who were seen as friends, stormed the home and began gunning his entire family down.   simon could never grieve for his loss.   he could only focus on vengeance and justice for them and himself.   but he regularly thought of his nephew’s suffering.  wondered whether he died immediately, or whether he died slow, face down in pools of his blood  -  helpless and alone because his uncle riley wasn’t there to protect them.   he couldn’t save himself, he couldn’t save his nephew, and certainly nobody on the outside at all tried to save either of them or even gave a single fuck about their tragedy.   he doesn’t trust the law to step in, and he doesn’t trust anyone’s justice but his own.   simon riley would risk any consequence in order to save an innocent, vulnerable child and it’s unlikely ghost would be able to do anything about it, other than offer a more composed, controlled, logical approach than simon alone would. 

simon views those who harm children as weak and pathetic.  there’s no other way to put that.  he despises those who abuse their power and who take it on out the defenseless.   it says in the comics that he joined the military after the events of the september 11 attacks.  a position sought after in order to protect people from the tragedy and destruction many aim to produce.   even at the start of his military career, he wanted to defend the defenseless.   as aforementioned, simon would risk any consequence to save an innocent, vulnerable child.  the most likely reaction you’d be looking at is him scaring the abuser / person doing the harm into never doing it again.   he knows his father was fearless, didn’t care if he lived or died.  which is where he, in the end, got to him, by leaving him to his cancer despite his father asking a favour of him.   hanging in between life and death.   

simon would know it’d be most sensible to involve the law and assist in pushing for justice, which is where taking ghost’s persona on would come in handy, enabling him to do what would be considered illegal in order to get a better outcome without waiting for the law to do very little.   I won’t go into detail, but he’d certainly give much more than a stern word, that’s for sure.   why remove a child from their home environment and throw them around needlessly when you can remove a few of the abuser’s teeth or fingers and ensure that child receives nothing but the best from that point on.  if you see what I’m saying.

[1000roughdrafts]

Family Secrets: Chapter Five

Pretty Thoughts

Summary: After interrogating a demon for weeks on end, she gives you the information you‘ve been hunting for. Enlisting help from Garth brings trouble in the form of Dean Winchester. 

A/N: again, sorry about formatting, I’m on mobile. Also, happy halloweeeeeen🎃:)

Warnings: SPN style demon torture (lol), obscenities, slight angst (argument between reader x dean), Dean in slight pain

W/C: 2.7k

Masterlist/schedule

Previous Chapter

"Just give me their names you disgusting rat," you shout through clenched teeth at the thin, black hair and black eyed demon you have strapped to a rusted chair. Dumping holy water onto the demons face you smile as it screams out in agony. With clammy hands you lean in, your face just inches away from it's blood drenched cheek. "You're going to die no mater what, so give me what I need and I'll put you out of your misery."

The demon stays silent, looking at you with it's now chestnut eyes with russet rims. It's long lashes bat once at you. "Mandy," you say gingerly while pushing yourself up to stretch out your back.

Taking a glimpse at the devils trap you've carved into the floorboards of a room you and Rufus had added onto the cabin, it wretchedly begs, "it's been weeks."

"Pretty neat, huh?" You mendaciously chuckle while toying with the dagger. "I've expanded on the normal version. Thought I'd had a trick of my own. You're dying, slowly and never to return again that's to some spells I've learned along the way."

"How cute. A hunter dabbling in magic. Does daddy know that you're no better than those you're in search of?" She puts on a false pout before breaking into laughter, "oh, wait."

Your eyebrows erect to reveal your arrogant eyes and temperate smirk. "Names. Now."

The demon stays silent, continuing to look around for a way out. Fed up with its evasiveness you grab a syringe filled with holy water and finished off with a spell to elongate the effects, to quickly inject the demon before it can scream out. After giving a second dose, you throw the empty syringe back onto the tray.

"Guess I'll see you in a few days, then." You laugh, "if you're still alive that is. See, I do need this information, but if you die before I can get it, well, that just means I have to kill more of your kind. And that's a win win for me."

You stealthily turn to walk towards the wooden block of a door that leads to the cabin. As you approach the first step, the demon lets out a thundering, frustration driven growl. Twisting around to face the demon, you smile, "yes?"

"Allanah Sandburn, Rose Coach, Taylor something and Violet Yasmin."

"Who else?" you demand while striding over and paralleling you're torso to the demons, pulling your dagger to her cheek.

"Guess you're gonna have to get another 'rat' to tell you that one," it shrieks, spitting at you. "That's all I know."

"Good one," you say, wiping the saliva from your cheek with the back of your hand and letting out a small chuckle. "I guess you're right."

Thrusting the blade into the left center of the demons chest it lets out one last ear piercing shrill, throwing its head back in torment. The body twitches and convulses and the last bit of essence vanished from the vessel in a luminous flash of vivid energy.

After showering the dagger in holy water you use your handkerchief to wipe it dry before dialing a number into your cell. "Hi, Garth." You pause and smile, "yeah, grab a piece of paper, would ya?"

You rotate around and stride over to the demon. "Can you do me a solid and have a look-see at a few names?"

—

A nauseating stench vents into the smokey air as you glare into the pit and gawk at the burning carcass. You reach into your pocket and put the singing phone to your ear, "what's the word?"

"Why are you asking Garth to track down a coven?"

"Grumpy? What are you doing with Garths cell?"

"What? I'm no- didn't you see the number before you answered?"

"Luckily for you, I didn't. Slick move leaving your card behind, I thought I had your number blocked."

"Yeah, well," Dean clears his throat. "Sam says I may have been a little too tough on you."

"Tough?" You called me a fucking monster, asshole, your thoughts scream.

"Now, I know I called you a monster and hey," he chuckles, "I've been there. Like you said, a lot of hunters have a bounty on my head."

"And?" Do you expect me to fucking care? You think as you sit on the cement steps in front of the porch.

"And I'm not expecting you to care or anything, but, uh, I thought 'what the hell, let's give her a shot'. What do you say?"

"Give me a shot?" Better make sure that's an iron bullet, you cynically joke.

"No, look, I'm not fixin' to shoot you," he says quickly and then more smoothly, "I'm saying I want a second chance."

"Yeah well you can take that and-"

"Shove it where the sun don't shine? Tried that. It can right on back."

You can hear a playful grin that he's attempting to suppress, and roll your eyes at the image. "I have gone a very long time with just myself, I think I can handle-"

"You're not doing it on your own. Covens typically meet in groups of-"

"Thirteen. I'm aware. I wasn't born yesterday."

"Says the girl who doesn't even know when she was born," he scowls.

You laugh, "aw, would you look at that, it didn't even take more than five minutes for your true colors to shine back through."

"Okay, smarty pants, I'm looking at this from a logical point of view. Thirteen against one are not great odds. You want to get yourself killed? Be my first. But if you want help, do nothing until we get back. What do you say?"

"That's assuming that I'm not already being logical about this." You pause, "tell me what Garth found out and I light agree to that."

He sighs, "the main one you're looking for Allanah. I guess she was last seen somewhere near Kansas City, but seriously... don't go poking around until me and Sam get back to the cabin. Just stay where you are. Do you hear me?"

You switch the phone to your alternate ear, standing up from the steps. "You are not in charge of me, Dean! We met purely coincidentally, you threatened me and I went off on my own remember? I didn't even want to hear from you again!" What does he care anyway?

"Whatever. I don't care. Just don't drag Garth into it."

"Oh," you scoff. "So that's a perfectly acceptable thing for Dean Winchester, but I can't?" Asshole.

"What did you just say?"

Louder this time, you repeat yourself, "I'm saying you don't own him. You can't just keep bossing people aro-"

"No, something about an ass."

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"I could have sworn you called me an asshole."

Immediately you end the call and hold the phone against your chest. "How in the hell could he have heard that?" You say aloud, too scared to say anything mentally.

Walking inside to grab yourself a much needed beer you try to drown out the idea of Dean Winchester heading your every thought. You're trying to keep them concealed and nothing too personal, but after a lifetime of privacy as far as thoughts go, it's not as easy as you hope. Opening the beer, your phone rings again.

"Leave me alone," you growl.

"Oh," Tim says, "I'm sorry. I didn't realize you were upset with me."

You put your palm to your forehead, "I'm not, Tim. I'm sorry. I was just on the phone with someone else, and... what's up?"

"Well, there's this guy missing from my town. The police don't seem to be doing much, but I really gotta know if he's okay, you know?" He sniffles, "I figured since you're part of the FBI or CSI or secret service or something you could look into it?"

"Oh, I don't know, Tim," you sigh. "It doesn't really... work that way."

"Please? It would really mean a lot to me."

"Just... just text me the location."

By the time you arrive, the neighborhood is dark. No street or porch lights are on. Most of the houses are guarded up with rusted chains on the windows and skirted with tall metal fences. You grab your pistol from the glove box and double check the clip. With the dagger still in your boot, you sneak out while checking for wandering eyes. The sidewalk that interrupts a dandelion garden leads to a golden brown door. Checking over your shoulder once more, you pick the lock and creep inside.

What you presume used to be a coffee table is wearing the couch and underneath the two is a torn up rug. Shards of splintered wood litter the floor where the dining table had collapsed. A thick coating of muddy red blood is splattered over the previously cotton white walls and wooden floor. You aren't sure whether it came from one person or more, but it is enough to leave a man dead. The only room unscathed is the office, which seems to remain orderly if it weren't for the papers scattered around.

Whoever is doing this was looking for something.

After bowing to your knees, you rummage through the cluster trying to find a clue. You check the mahogany dressers of his desk, and find nothing to suggest he had a life outside of work. You open the screen of his laptop and smile when it pulls everything up with no need to enter a password. Finding nothing but excel worksheets and business projects, you focus your attention to the matching bookshelf to see much of the sale.

Nothing seems to be helpful until you notice that one is remarkably shallow compared to the other. Quickly and quietly, you pull everything out and using the heel of your gun you give the makeshift bottom a rough tap. After a few attempts it opens just enough to reach inside. The tips of your fingers are instantly cold to the touch of a large skeleton key. 

"I believe that belongs to me, sweetheart."

Drawing your weapon you whip around and lime the barrel between the mans eyes.

"Ah, the ol' gun to the head trick," he laughs with his arks in the air. "Go ahead, love, wouldn't work on me anyway." He drops his arms as you bend to reach the dagger, keeping him in sight. "Tsk, tsk, tsk. I know what you're going for, darling, and I'd strongly advice against it."

"Who are you?" Dean help! You scream in your mind, putting as much strength and emphasis onto the name as you can, hoping that he can hear you.

"Trying to cut out the foreplay I see," he snarls while walking to your side. "Very well, then. The names Crowley," he says proudly, chin held high.

Bursting through the door of the cabin, the Winchester's lug in their bags and plop them into the floor. Sam shuffled through one of the books shelves while Dean is staring out of a, foolishly open, window. He steps back and forth along the floor before throwing his arms out and halts his pacing, “we have four missing people, and never seen or heard of before weather patterns."

Sam lets out an exasperated sigh, "are we sure they're even connected?" He pulls a book from the case and settles in at the table to flip through it. He scans the room, twisting his body in both directions, "said a minute. Wasn't Blue supposed to be here?"

"I couldn't give a -" in completion of a sentence, Dean screams obscenities as he drops to the floor boards, holding his head in his hands.

"Woah, what's going on?" Sam scrambles to his side, dropping to the floor with him.

"I don't-" Dean belts out another cry of pain, "I don't know. I can hear her though."

"Who?" Sam pulls his brother up by the shirt and sits him upright. "Who do you hear?"

Dean clasps at his chest, looking up at Sam with wide eyes, "Blue. She's in trouble."

"I'm only here for one thing." He puts his lips next to your ear, and a hand in your hair. "And I'd hate to break those lovely little fingers of yours to get it, but you see, I'd do anything to get what I want." After rolling his fingers down your sleeve he removed his hand to point at the key, "and what I want is that."

"Did you kill him? What's so special about this key anyway?"

He chuckles, taking a short breath and turning his back to you. "You're such a naive, little, what? Hunger, are you? You really think I would waste my precious time on this fool?" He side eyes you while walking over to the bookshelf. "The key," he says, pouring some bourbon into a glass, "is really for me to know and for you," he paused with a grin and takes it down in one gulp, "to never find out."

"Wow," you scoff. Dean! Dean! Dean! Grumpy! Dean!

His eyes squint before trailing up and down your figure. When they meet back up with yours they are curious, and intrigued, "what's your name, love?"

"I'm not about to play share and tell with a demon," you scowl.

"King of Hell," he says through his teeth. "I could snap your neck with a snap of my fingers," he smiles and holds his hand up, "humor me."

"But I've piqued you're interest, haven't I? You could have done that from the start, but you didn't." You mirror the expression on his face as he pours himself another glass without removing his eyes from yours. "Which means you need me alive, don't you? Why?"

"Because we made a deal," a woman's voice fills the room before she can be seen. Grumpy, please! She slowly walks to Crowleys side, glancing at him once before resting an arm on his shoulder. She smiles at you, "hi, Y/N. It's been so long since I've seen you. So for the sake of meeting in, oh I don't know, twenty or so years, I'm Allanah."

She makes her way over to you, wrapping her arms sound your back and grabbing the key. She hands it to Crowley, who disappears instantly.

Allanah laughs, "the part he doesn't know is that without you, that key is nothing more than a paper weight."

Dean drops his hands to his knees and struggled to get his words out through chunky breaths, "have you seen a woman?"

"I run a bar, kid. You're gonna have to be a lot more specific than that," the man scoffs.

"I got this," Sam whispers and turns to face the bald and bearded man behind the counter. Clearing his throat, he asserts, "I'm agent Scott and uh, my partner here is Agent Paxton." Dean sits at the bar, using it as a pillow and only raises a hand in acknowledgment.

Sliding a picture onto the counter, Sam continues, "her name is Blue. Have you seen her come by in the last month or so?"

The man only shakes his head, Sam puts a palm down on the counter. "She may have had a, uh, fling with one of your employees."

The man laughs, "if you think that narrows it down, you'd be mistaken."

"I believe his name was Tim."

"That sounds about right. That Tim sure did have a way with the ladies," she shakes his head with another chuckle.

"Did?"

"Yeah, he quit comin' round about two weeks ago. No calls, nothing. Was a shame, too. It's difficult to find people who work in this damn town."

Dean... please, I'm begging you. Please.

"Shut up!" Dean yells, pounding the counter with his fist and capturing the attention of the people in the bar. When he noticed all eyes are on him, he adjusts his tie and gives a tired chuckle, "bad dream," he jokes with a half nod and light wave before dropping his upper portion back onto the counter.

Sam pulls a card from his suit and places it onto the bar, "if you hear anything." He lifts his eyebrows while tilting his head slightly and adds force to his words, "from either of them, give me a call."

Next Chapter

PermaTags<3 @waywardblueshun @81mysteriouslyme @drakelover78​  @soab1967 ( @hillface89​ won’t let me tag your main :/ ) 

FS<3: @lilulo-12​ (I hope I’m tagging the right one for you, if not lemme know :) @vicmc624​

[zalrb]

If you could rank tvd male characters (not by looks ofc) but by character wise & development from best to worst what would it look like? & if you’ve already answered this sorry

I mean, development is difficult because with the exception of Stefan, it’s mostly wasted potential. Tyler had pretty good development in season 2 and 2x05 encapsulated this because he did something that Damon never did --- he snaps at Jeremy and then apologizes and says he’s working on being better and not such a dick all the time and throughout season 2 we see that in effect, we see a different side to Tyler, a vulnerable side, someone who asks for help and admits he’s scared and leans on someone (Caroline) but at the same time, his development with the werewolves was done horribly because they don’t give him enough conflict --- to be fair, they don’t give Bonnie, Caroline and Elena enough conflict around it either --- but if he’s being divided between his friends and his new supposed family, if Damon kills his uncle and his friends cover it up or help them and then his new werewolf family is torturing his friends, like the crisis of loyalty and identity crisis Tyler should’ve gone through should’ve been massive and it wasn’t. Plus after season 2, it’s like the show doesn’t know what to do with him emotionally anymore. Plot-wise him being sired to Klaus and then trying to start a hybrid army against him and then wanting revenge for his mother’s death is fine but I don’t really see how Tyler emotionally develops throughout all of that so the potential is wasted.

Matt. Matt had so much potential, I talk about it all the time:

With each and every episode I’ve been like, how has Matt not set fire to Mystic Falls yet? How has Bonnie not snapped on her friends and just released all of her magic on them yet? Like the most they make Matt do is get grumpy at Stefan for a minute and then refuse to let Elena feed him her blood? And Bonnie shows Damon what she went through in the nineties with Kai and she’s done venting? Are you fucking serious? People keep saying that Matt is a useless character but I see the potential in him because he and Bonnie would make the perfect opposition to the ‘core’ group and imagine how deranged they’d be? Like a psychological break would happen between them and they’d give absolutely zero fucks. And then we could deal with the ‘core’ group being so surprised that the two people they step on the most are ‘fighting back’ in a sense and are refusing to be ignored.

Him taking out his anger on Tyler didn’t bother me, it’s that the scale wasn’t big enough. He said a few words and he didn’t let Elena heal him like that’s a big deal. It’s not. It’s inconsequential. I don’t buy that he’s resentful because he doesn’t act resentful, he acts sullen; he shouldn’t be friends with any of them. His rage should destroy the entire town. He’s been bitten how many times, he’s been hit by a car, he’s been stabbed, he’s been used as bait, he’s been buried alive, he’s been driven off a bridge, like no, a few words here and there about how vampires suck isn’t going to cut it. It shouldn’t be respectful or respectable or small or at the right times, he should hate everyone with a passion, it should be to the point of insanity, like he should be obsessed with either destroying them all or getting the hell out of town but to make it more interesting it should be destroying them all; the line between enemy/friends should be gone and Bonnie should join him with it.

My point is that Matt’s anger should be directed at everyone, including people who don’t necessarily deserve it at the time. He should have a prejudicial hatred against all things supernatural, like it should be a fury that has a rational base and spirals out into irrationality because he’s at his wit’s end and he has a psychological break, it shouldn’t be logical and strategic, it shouldn’t just be about Damon and Stefan, that’s what I mean by how in my opinion it shouldn’t be “respectful resentment” everyone should be a threat or a target in his eyes and same with Bonnie after everything they’ve been through. They should have serious PTSD.

A psychological break doesn’t necessarily mean that Matt wouldn’t be effective at what he’s doing, it just means that he wouldn’t follow certain guidelines and he wouldn’t be confined. I like the idea of psychological breaks, I like the idea of snapping because the only characters who have been allowed to do that are Damon and Elena and I guess Stefan. Caroline turning off her humanity wasn’t a “snap” in my opinion. A snap has a lot of potential to be messy and I like it when characters get messy, I like it when they go off the deep-end because there’s so much you can do with that. I like the idea of Matt and Bonnie just having a disconnect and going beyond logic and reason and playing dirty because neither of them have done that before, it’s an unexpected route for both of them to take but one that still keeps in line with their characters after everything they’ve been through. I’m not interested in the “by-the-book” approach because we had that with Bonnie’s dad and we had that with Connor and we had that with the Council, it’s more of the same thing and the point is that the show should go in a different direction and to see the psychological and emotional scars that being around the supernatural has done to both Matt and Bonnie would be AMAZING and heartbreaking and it’d be intense for the other characters to see just how far they’ve pushed them.

in my opinion, Bonnie and Matt should be the “big bads” that everyone has to face but instead of it being an external villain, it’s an enemy they/the town created. That, in my opinion, would make sense for both characters and would be such an interesting storyline for the show to take on. Not these one minute/two minute/one episode gripes that go absolutely nowhere or get shut down quickly.

I mean they had ample opportunity to really push that forward but it’s like they’re too scared to do anything that has actual consequences. For me, Matt’s descent should’ve happen in season 5. He was in a house full of vampires and none of them heard Nadia take him and none of them found him buried alive? Instead Caroline took Klaus’ word for it (Klaus above all people) and everyone else was preoccupied with other things and were all at the Salvatore mansion when he finally got back? Like THAT should’ve been the beginning of the end. I have so many problems with that episode.

How would you write the team up of the psychological break with Bonnie and Matt against the main group?

I always said that one day Matt would just snap, like some bullshit will happen to him again and he’ll just set Enzo on fire on something and Bonnie would walk in on him and he would just rant about how he’s sick of being the guy who gets run over and stabbed and buried alive and shot and be like dude, we were FINE until the Salvatores showed up and Damon killed Vicki and wanted to get into the tomb so Grams died and Bonnie being like Matt, c’mon, bad things would’ve happened anyway, Elena was the doppelganger Klaus would’ve  — and then he just scream and say this is what I’m talking about the constant defending, don’t you get sick of it Bonnie, think of everything that happened to you, like aren’t you just MAD? And then Bonnie leaves and gets taken advantage of again or lied to again or has to put her life in danger again with great emotional and/or physical cost but that’s a secondary thing to the core group (again) so she just goes to Matt like yeah you’re right.

So since it’s all-in for him, does Matt die or win? Knowing you, even if he dies, there’ll be far reaching consequences of this arc, right?                        

I think what I would do is Stefan and Damon argue about how to handle it with Stefan wanting to lock him up and Damon wanting to kill him. If he did die then I think the consequence of that would be the Salvatores leaving MF, like either Bonnie has been pulled back already and she’s like you guys drove him to this then murdered him, either they go or I do and Elena and Caroline choose Bonnie or after Matt dying they don’t trust the Salvatores to not kill Bonnie so Elena “banishes” them before it becomes a everyone tries to kill Damon and Stefan gets involved and puts his life in danger because of it

I meant to say if he didn’t die, then I’d Azula him where he just is so mentally deteriorated that they lock him up and Bonnie goes to the group and is like, yo this is what you do to people eh?

But we never go there.

Jeremy --- Jeremy doesn’t even have an emotional arc, really. I mean we’re meant to believe he gets to this state of acceptance of becoming a hunter, which was a storyline that came out of nowhere.

Enzo never should’ve been introduced.

Klaus I have issues with because homeboy does not act like a 1000 year old vampire and his goals are SO small-scale, it’s EMBARRASSING:

  I know you say that Klaus’ daddy problems were very unoriginal and that another storyline could have explored which I do agree with. But what storylines do you think they should have done instead?            

To be honest with you, I’m not sure I would’ve given Klaus anything, I’d just lean into him being a megalomaniac and give him greater ambitions, like him being like you know, I’ve been alive for 1000 years, I’ve lived under kings and prime ministers and presidents and I legit could just do a better job than anyone, so first he wants to rule vampires, then the supernatural world in general and then the world at large. I’m not saying it’s original but I would prefer that over my dad was mean to me and my family hates me even though I stake them all the time so let’s make hybrids so I can rule one town in one country. OK…

Damon is Damon.