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justalost4girl · 8 months

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BETWEEN WORLDS

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You pick her up at home wearing a tuxedo. She finds it funny and pulls you by the tie for a kiss as you step out of the car to open the door. She's radiant, and you're sure you want to spend the rest of your life with this woman. The box in your pocket weighs a little heavier as you close the door behind her.

You get into the car and start driving towards your favorite restaurant. It's a pleasant, starry night, and she tells you how her boss miraculously gave her the day off today. You smile as you listen to her talk about how she missed you; Natalia has always been your source of happiness. Always will be. She puts on her favorite playlist, and you both sing along to the songs as if embarking on a journey towards the sun. It's easy with her, it always has been.

Arriving at the restaurant, she notices it's empty and turns to you in surprise. There are violinists playing her favorite symphony, and there are flowers, lots of flowers, all her favorites, in this life and the next. You propose to her, and she accepts, of course she does. She loves you. Almost as much as you love her. Even if you don't say those three words, she knows.

While you sip wine, she slowly reaches out towards you, revealing a dazzling engagement ring. The sparkle of the central stone captures the candlelight, making it twinkle like a distant star. The pure and radiant diamond is surrounded by smaller diamonds that resemble a halo of stars, symbolizing the love that surrounds them. The delicate band, made of gleaming white gold, seems tailor-made for her finger, adding a touch of elegance and sophistication to this special moment. On the side of the band, there's a tiny red hourglass, her favorite symbol, intricately carved, reminding you that your time together is eternal.

It's a perfect night.

Your hands touch across the table, and there are tears in her eyes. You've given them to her. Tears of happiness.

Always of happiness.

Plans for a beach house, adopted pets, and how to balance your schedules resurface as you wait for your favorite dish. You get lost in her eyes, and all doubts about the resignation letter you sent this morning disappear. You'll give up your multiversal missions for her, and Fury will understand. He has to.

"Baby, are you listening?" She says with that raspy voice you adore.

"Sorry, got lost in your eyes," you say, caressing her hand in yours.

"Silly. I've always loved that absent-minded side of you, but love, I need your full attention. We need to choose our trip." She holds your chin, smiling, and you look into those big eyes again. Tell her what you feel. Tell her she's your soulmate.

You sigh and gather your courage.

"Natalia, I-"

A red laser catches your attention as it reflects behind her. You instinctively turn your head to see what's happening. The tranquil atmosphere of the restaurant is abruptly shattered as an armed group storms in. A tear gas grenade is thrown. Chaos unfolds before your eyes as you pull your fiancée to the ground.

Her eyes widen in terror as events unfold faster than you can process. Your gun is in your bag, but before you can react, dozens of shots ring out in the restaurant. The world around you seems to slow down as you notice guns pointed at you and Natalia. You flip the table to shield her and engage in hand-to-hand combat with the attackers, using your combat knife.

The sound of rolling metal grabs your attention, and time seems to freeze for a terrible moment. Two fragmentation grenades roll toward her.

Your heart races as you know you need to act fast. With all the strength left in you, you throw yourself over your fiancée, covering her with your own body, like a protective barrier. Your eyes squeeze shut, anticipating the imminent impact of the explosions that would change everything.

The air is torn by the deafening sound of the grenades exploding. The force of the impact shakes both of you violently. When the smoke and chaos begin to dissipate, you slowly open your eyes.

You can feel the fragments on your skin, but none of that matters as you look down, realizing the tragedy. Natalia is lifeless, unable to withstand the explosions. Tears mix with dust and smoke as you watch her, unable to believe the devastating loss you've just suffered.

Pain and shock mingle as you helplessly watch, unable to use your healing factor to save her. You feel pain, not just physical, but mental. You feel hatred. You rise with difficulty, killing one member of the tactical group after another. Bullets tear through your skin and lodge on it, but all you feel is Natalia's blood beneath your hands.

Then, you feel nothing.

★

A casket is positioned in the center of the room, and the medications in your system aren't enough to make you ignore the looks of pity your friends direct at you.

You see the quiet Maximoff twins sitting on the stairs, accompanied by their niece, Kate. They don't smile. None of them do.

No one in the room does.

Everyone misses her, you know. She's gone, leaving a void in your chest. Your eyes wander to your own hand, finding the gold ring she gave you as a promise of the future. A future that never came and that the body in the center of the room announces will never come.

Steve comes to you and crouches to meet your eyes. He speaks, but you don't understand. You realize that his eyes have always been similar to hers; she has beautiful eyes. She had beautiful eyes. You need to get used to using the past tense again. You always do.

Steve stops talking and just holds your good hand. Your body has scars from the night of the attack, and even though you're medicated, his touch hurts, even if it's comforting. It's not soft enough. Nothing ever will be. His hands aren't as gentle as hers. Hers, cold from the absence of life. Still, you lean on him as you shed another waterfall of tears.

Steve holds you tighter.

Wanda, your best friend, takes over after a while. You dive into the woman's embrace, knowing all eyes are on you.

The silence in the room is deafening, and you want to scream. You want to scream the pain you feel for having lost the love of your life once again.

"Tragedy will follow you when you allow yourself to love her."

The words echo in your mind, like a dark reminder of a painful past. The curse of love, a prophecy that seems to haunt your existence. You remember the first time you heard it, when an ancient seer looked deep into your eyes and whispered this warning.

You should have believed it.

The urge to scream overwhelms you; you want to break everything. Every picture chosen by her, but instead, you take a deep breath and try to remember something that brings you relief. A memory. Like your Natalia taught you.

☆

You remember how you got here. Nick Fury gave you a mission, and you completed it. You always did, but a stray bullet found its way between your ribs. Hearing your strange breathing made your agents panic, and they brought you unconscious to the medbay.

Even though you had said that was forbidden.

You didn't want to meet her again. That red-haired woman, Natalia, had been assigned to your battalion. You were sure Fury had pulled some strings to make it happen.

"A gift," he said. After completing so many missions successfully, Fury found it interesting to bring her back into your life. Since you started working for him as a multiversal agent, meeting the current version of that woman was something that happened often.

She was your canonical event, the only standard thing that remained independent of your universe at the moment. Sometimes it took a while, and you had to travel to distant lands to find her, other times you could meet her in a cafe. After several encounters in different universes, you stopped searching for answers. Maybe she was your soulmate, but you had lost enough to believe in that.

"Look who finally showed up," a familiar voice interrupts your train of thought. "I was starting to suspect you were just a ghost," Natalia says, raising an eyebrow.

It's the first time you've heard her make that joke, and a smile escapes your lips. It's easy to laugh with her. It always has been. And your smile makes her smile even wider.

"Did you hope I'd get hurt? What kind of doctor are you?" You playfully retort, hiding the pain you felt.

"Don't say that, you silly. Let's see what you've got," she says, cutting your blouse with a half-smile, exposing your skin, which still struggled to recover from the wounds. Courtesy of the bullet that was still lodged in your rib.

"Just pull it out and let it heal; it's not a big deal. I would have done it myself if I hadn't passed out," you say, playing with your fingers. You don't like seeing her worried; it makes you anxious too.

"I read your file, and I know your super-healing won't save you from an infection. I'm going to do this right. Need anesthesia?" She looks at the rest of your body, searching for other places that need attention.

"No, I'm used to the pain," you say, trying to appear brave. It's not entirely a lie. You're used to the pain and prefer the feeling of a foreign object being removed over a needle piercing your skin. You hate needles.

"It shouldn't be like that. No one should get used to pain, not when science created this," Natalia smiles and shows you a syringe. "Local anesthesia. I'll need to locate the bullet inside you; it might take a while, and I don't want you to feel it."

"It's not necessary. I really don't mind the pain," you try to smile and look strong, but Natalia's eyes light up with realization, and you know you've lost.

"Are you afraid of needles?" She looks amused, and you nod with closed eyes.

"The feeling of something piercing my skin hurts, but the needle hurts me. As it goes in, my skin tries to heal, and that hurts. I don't like the sensation. I'd rather take ten bullets than have something stuck in my skin," you admit, looking at her. Her eyes are beautiful, you realize. They always have been.

"What's your happiest memory?" She says after a few seconds. You think she got lost in your eyes too. "Can you think about it for a minute for me?"

You nod and close your eyes, thinking of a beach afternoon you had with a green-eyed woman when the world was still simple, and you were good. You met her in a bookstore and invited her for coffee. The day ended up at the beach for some reason, with both of you barefoot, shouting at the sea.

"Ready. Injection applied," Natalia says, smiling, proud. And you can't believe her. She always surprises you, so you decide to give her a chance and say your name to her.

"Fury talked about you. Impressive healing factor and honor in missions. It's a pleasure to meet you. I'm Natalia Romanov," she says with a smile, still focused on removing the bullet from inside you.

You smile as you feel her fingers touching your bones, but it's gentle and tickles. You offer to buy lunch. ☆

"We need to take her," Wanda whispers softly in your ear.

You nod and wipe away the tears. Approaching the casket, you observe her lifeless form, a peaceful expression on her face, and you hold her hand. The stiffness hurts, but you know this is your last chance to touch the woman you love in this universe. Your Natalia. The sweet and gentle woman you've loved since that morning.

You kiss her cold forehead and step away with teary eyes. The casket is closed, and you hate yourself for not having died with her that night.

☆

When Fury comes, two days later, you are sitting on the bed. Knowing he was coming, you organized your belongings and wrote in your journal. The room is quiet, the pain still overwhelming, but your determination remains unwavering.

Nick Fury enters the room, with his characteristically serious gaze and an envelope in hand. He observes you for a moment, understanding the magnitude of what you've just been through. With a silent nod, he approaches and hands you the envelope.

"I have a new mission for you," he says, with a mix of respect and regret in his voice.

You accept the envelope firmly, even though your heart is heavy. Inside it, you find detailed information about the next mission and the new universe you will be sent to.

"You don't have to do this," Fury adds, watching you fill a notebook.

But you look into his eyes and reply with determination, "I will do it. I will ensure that the next person to take my position has all the necessary information."

With that, you continue writing in your journal, sharing details, secrets, and strategies that only you know, and you wonder if you will ever be able to break this curse, to find the happiness that seems so elusive. A new you will replace you by morning, with a copy of all your memories, but you want her to be perfect. The twins deserve a godmother who remembers their favorite ice cream. Kate, a guardian. This universe, a sweet companion.

You leave the journal on the bed next to your wedding ring. Saying goodbye to the room one last time, you put your sketchbooks into a backpack and tie Natalia's ring on a cord around your neck. You will always remember her, you always do. It's your curse. The new mission represents an opportunity to get lost in a new universe, but deep down, you know a part of you will always be with your fiancée, in the memory of a love that couldn't be erased.

A portal opens, and you look at yourself in the mirror one last time.

And follow Fury through the portal.

☆

The SHIELD headquarters building is impressive, with its imposing architecture reaching towards the sky. It's your first time in this universe, but you are still in mourning, carrying the memory of the tragedy you left behind. This universe is destined for defeat in a few years, and you must prevent it.

As you walk through the well-maintained gardens surrounding the building, your legs moving almost automatically, you find yourself lost in thought. The green trees provide a glimpse of nature amid the rigidity of the concrete structure. You wonder what it will be like to work in a place like this, in a world so different from your own.

Suddenly, a soft voice interrupts your thoughts. "Hey, you're the new recruit?" It's a feminine voice, intriguing and confident. You turn to find an elegant woman with red hair and eyes that seem to capture all the depth of the universe.

"Yes, that's me," you reply, your voice slightly trembling with surprise at being approached so abruptly by the woman you buried a few days ago.

The red-haired woman smiles, an enigmatic smile that reveals only a small part of what she must know. "Welcome to SHIELD. I'm Natasha Romanoff. I'll show you how things work around here."

Even as she speaks, you can't help but feel that something is wrong in this universe. You take a deep breath and follow Natasha, determined not to repeat the same mistakes of the past.

#natasha romanoff x reader #natasha romanoff deserved better #black widow x reader #i will never recover #im back from the dead

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