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rogersideup · 4 months

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｡°✩ ♊︎ The Gemini♊︎ ✩ °｡

Chapter 10

May 20th

Series masterlist

Previous part: Star Crossed Lover

Word Count: 11,175

Warnings: My blog is 18+ only. All minors or blogs without an age in bio will be blocked. Minors DNI. Allusions of sex, mentions of violence, and abuse recovery.

After a long hot shower, Steve stood in front of the bathroom sink. With nothing but a towel around his waist and his bathroom door wide open to let out the trapped steam, he very carefully inspected his face through the still semi- foggy mirror as he shaved.

Often times he hated the hassle of being clean shaven, and wished he could get away with having a beard- or even just some stubble again without people making weird comments about it. But if the masses felt safer with a less hairy version of Cap, who was he to not give the people what he wanted?

Eventually he got lost in how silly it was that the avengers appearances meant so much in regard to how the public perceives them, but the sound of his front door unlocking and opening pulled him right back.

"Hey, Love Bug!" Steve happily called out to you.

Blissfully unaware of what you were going to walk into, you saw the reflection of a half naked super soldier through the bathroom mirror the moment you entered his soapy smelling apartment.

The closest you had ever gotten to even seeing the man shirtless was if he reached to grab something up high or stretched and his shirt would rise to reveal an inch or two of his lower belly, so the sight of water still dripping down his pecs caused a totally normal reaction.

A high pitched screech and the sound of your hand slapping over your eyes caused Steve to physically jolt, then nearly hunch over in a booming laugh when he turned to look at you.

Standing in your Avengers suit with rosy skin, and a big smile stretched across your cheeks, you started fanning your face. "I thought you said you were almost ready! I wouldn't have barged in here had you not texted me 10 minutes ago saying that!"

"Do I not look almost ready to you?" Steve's laugh prevailed at your reaction, motioning up and down at his towel covered body.

"Almost ready to be a Baywatch lifeguard? Maybe. Go on a mission? Absolutely not." You continued with a loud voice and defensive hand motions. "Your hair is still wet!"

"It'll dry" He shrugged with a giggle. "I just need to put my suit on, it'll take two minutes."

"Is it hot in here?" You questioned, going back to fanning your face with your hand. "Or is it just you?"

Now it was Steve's turn to blush. "I don't know, it started getting pretty hot when you walked in"

"You know what? That was pretty smooth for you." You said, feeling proud of him for finally being brave enough to flirt. You dropped your duffle by the door, "Good job, Stevenson. I'm proud."

He watched you stride into his bedroom, getting closer to where he stood. Happy with the distance closing and assuming you would be greeting him with a hug, or maybe even a kiss if he was really lucky, a pout settled deep into his lips and brows as you belly flopped onto his bed instead.

"What the hell, man?" Steve questioned sadly.

You looked over at him, momentarily confused. He crossed his arms around his chest as you tried to understand what you did to elicit this response from him.

"Now I'm freezing cold." He joked playfully, looking at himself in the mirror again and grabbing a tube of hair balm and squeezing some onto his fingers.

Realizing what you had done, you got up from the bed and wrapped your arms around him from behind as he spread the product into his freshly washed dirty-blonde locks. Feeling the soft, warm skin of his tummy on the palms of your hands was a feeling you knew would be highly addictive. Your cheek rested on his smooth back and you let out a content sigh. "Hi, Stevie. I missed you."

"I missed you too" Steve grinned, rinsing the excess product off his hands under the faucet and patting them dry before placing his hands on your arms. "It's so warm and lovely here, huh?"

"It's perfect" you agreed with a smile. Rocking up on your tippy toes to look over his shoulder and into the mirror, you took a selfish moment to admire the parts of him you've never seen before.

There was a lot of effort on your end to keep the drool inside your mouth as your eyes inspected his broad shoulders and strong chest. "You have beautiful eyes."

"Thank you, pretty girl." Steve giggled at your statement as he could see clear as day that you definitely weren't looking at his eyes. "First time in your new suit, huh? It looks great!"

"It feels great too, so much more comfortable than my old one." You told him, regretfully releasing him from your arms and finding your way back to his bed and sitting crisscrossed on top of it.

“And your first Avengers mission! It's a big day." Steve left the bathroom and started gathering all the pieces of his suit. "Are you nervous?"

"Considering it's just us two on the mission, I'm not as nervous as I think I would be if it was with the whole team." You explained. "But I always get a just a little nervous before missions."

"I get that too, the jitters." Steve scrunched up his nose. "I'm extra nervous for this one"

"Why? It should be easy peasy!" You rationalized.

"I've seen your mission stats and felt first hand how hard you hit, you intimidate me." Steve admitted with a giggle. "I have to be on my best behavior to try and keep up with you."

"Are you actually insane?" You questioned, raising an eyebrow. "You're Captain America you dumb bitch, nobody can ever compare to you. I'm the one that has to work extra hard here."

Stopping in place, Steve gasped and placed an offended hand over his heart. "What did you just call me?"

"Captain America?"

"No, the other thing."

"Oh, a dumb bitch!" You said happily.

"How dare you" Steve joked, shaking his head. His eyes stayed on all the pieces of his suit that were lying on the bed, next to where you were sitting.

"I'm offended that you even had that thought."

"You're offended that I think you're good at what you do?" Steve quipped.

"Do I need to remind you again that you're Captain America?" You asked, pointing to the star on the suit next to you. "Maybe if you put that on you'll finally remember."

"I do need to put that on." Steve agreed with you, still standing and hovering over the suit.

"So why aren't you?" You asked.

"I'm really shy" Steve whispered to you, emphasizing his point.

"Oh, now you're shy!" You chuckled, turning around to face the opposite direction and covered your eyes with the palms of your hands. "I promise I won't look."

"I'll be fast!" Steve declared. A smile spread on your face as you heard his towel hit the ground, happily knowing he trusted you enough to not take a peek, but also imagining him scrambling to get into his clothes as fast as he could.

There were a few moments when all you heard was fabric rustling, then you heard a few sounds of struggle. "You okay back there? Sounds like you're fighting the uniform instead of fighting in the uniform."

"Either I'm getting bigger or these pants are getting smaller because I swear every time I put them on it's a workout just to get my ass in them" Steve admitted, voice straining as he was stuffing, pulling, and stretching. Then, you heard a zipper and a buckle. "Okay, mission accomplished, you will no longer be traumatized if you look."

You laughed at his commentary and turned back around, all he managed so far was his pants, but he was more dressed than he was in the towel. "I think those pants are the perfect size for your butt."

Luckily, slipping his undershirt over his head shielded his pink cheeks from you. "That implies that you're looking at my butt."

"I'm looking at your pants, they just so happen to be right in front of your butt. That's not my fault." You corrected. "And even if I was ogling at your cheeks, you've seen mine as bare as the day I was born so I think it's only fair."

"I saw all the places the sun don't shine" More zippers, more buttons, more buckles, more pieces, "I never said there was anything wrong with sneaking a peek."

"So you're not that shy after all" You grinned.

"Did you look over the mission briefing?" Steve asked, trying to change the topic of conversation away from his butt.

"Of course I did, like a good little agent"

"Avenger" Steve corrected happily with a lopsided smile.

"Avenger." You agreed, watching him put on his fingerless gloves.

"And thank you, that makes my job easier. So you know-"

"12 hours to get in, secure the payload, take out the traitors, destroy enemy lines, get out. We'll have a little sleepover in Colorado, we'll be home by noon tomorrow. Easy peasy!"

"Very good, most of the avengers don't pay attention to any of that information unless I verbalize it to them." Steve giggled, attaching his shield to his back after putting on his boots. "The terrain will have high elevation so we might get have a pretty big increase in altitude, it'll also be really cold- if not snowing. Are you prepared for that?"

"I checked the weather and packed accordingly."

"Ugh, I love you." Steve sighed, so happy to finally have a teammate he didn't have to babysit.

"I love you too." You giggled, standing up knowing it was time to go.

"Ready to head out?" Steve asked, walking towards the door.

Following behind him, you stop him at the door. "Wait!"

"What's wrong?" He asks with an adorably confused and concerned face.

You rocked up on your tippy toes and gave him a quick kiss. "Sorry, just needed to get that out of my system before we left."

Steve smiled. "You shouldn't be saying sorry, I should be saying thank you."

His dead serious tone made you laugh as he picked up both your duffles at the door while you opened it. "Get in the Jet, Twinkles, we have crime to fight!"

"Yes, Ma'am!"

Over the past few weeks, all of the avengers have been a substantial part of your successful and smooth transition onto the team, but especially Steve. There wasn't one scary step you had to take where he wasn't right next to you metaphorically, or physically holding your hand.

Through extensive paperwork, doctor's appointments, media training, and press conferences, he was right there to help you through it. Whether it was covering your shivering body with warm, fluffy blankets after having a fever from getting multiple rare vaccines just in case you had to travel to all sorts of different places around the world, or practicing answers to common questions the press loved to shout out to speakers at conferences, he was happy to guide you down the right paths.

After giving your face a few days to heal from the attack, you were getting slathered in thick layers of concealer and foundation before Tony introduced the general public to you, the newest Avenger. That day in particular was hard.

You were nearing a full blown panic attack while sitting in a hair and makeup chair. The makeup artist struggled at first to cover the fresh scars on your face, and you were so wrapped up in your own head about the public's reaction to you that your mom who sat in the audience, came back in the green room just to hold your hand and remind you of how great you were.

Though your Mom was one of your biggest comforts throughout your entire life, nothing compared to the calmness that washed over you when Steve entered the room. He sat right next to your mom as the stylist finished up your hair, and talked you through how the next hour of your life would go, and reminded you that he would be right in the front row next to your mom for support.

Their bright smiling faces encouraged you to be brave enough to push through the hard parts, and reminded you to bask in the joy of the warm welcome you got from the whole country.

That was also the same day your mom caught onto what was really happening, and found a few moments to ask you if you and Steve were dating when he slipped away to speak to a reporter. Then not too long after that, you and Steve mutually agreed that it would be best if the blossoming relationship between the two of you stayed private for a while as you adjusted to the public eye.

Though you knew he was still too nervous and shy around you for PDA, you still found the extent of his consideration of you to be so very sweet.

And now the two of you were at the point of the scars on your face healing nicely, first mission together underway, and he still hasn't kissed you first.

It was concerning to you for a little while there, so much so that you even went to Bucky to ask him for some knowledge from his 100 year old archive of Steve Rogers knowledge and expertise. He reassured you through plenty of experience that Steve just really sucked at being confident around girls he found himself pining over, and you, for some reason, damn near knocked him head over heels every time he looked at you. Though you were flattered and understood Bucky's words probably came vicariously through Steve's own mouth, you knew you just had to be gentle and give him some time.

Luckily for Steve, you had all the time in the world for such a sweet creature. Except for today, today the two of you only had 12 hours to complete your tasks.

Just as expected, the mission was going as smoothly as it possibly could. Well, for you it was. Steve on the other hand found a whole new set of struggles out on the field he's never experienced before.

The two of you went at it with the good ol' divide and conquer method. Though teamwork and sticking together was more his usual style, he understood the time frame and importance of getting it all done as fast and clean as possible, and he trusted that you would be perfectly fine on your own.

What he didn't consider was the moments your paths crossed and how flustered he got watching you fight. It was like watching a hot steak knife cut through room temperature butter, nobody stood a chance against you. A billion different emotions flew at him as he witnessed you fighting with his own eyes for the first time. His instinct was to protect you at all costs, but he knew damn well you didn't need him. It was simultaneously the hottest thing he had ever seen, while also kicking his own confidence down a notch considering all his thoughts revolved around you and that made his own good decision making decline rapidly.

He nearly died on the spot as he ran past you right as you took down an opponent, and still found the chance to wink at him as he passed by. Weak in the knees, he still had to find the strength to keep going.

Then with all rooms cleared minus the one with the payload, your voice filled his comms and the two of you agreed to clear it out together. A few hours deep into the mission your familiar chipper tone was now a bit deeper and raspier from the elevation and cold cold weather, all it did was make his weak knees even weaker.

By the time he ran into the room that you stormed into without waiting for him first, you were already combating with about 4 guys twice the size of you. One by one they fell to the ground, and as you came face to face with the very last of the enemies, Steve knocked him out before you could even raise your fist.

"Oh, thanks!" You smiled, standing a little straighter while trying to catch your breath.

"You were doing pretty shitty without me, thought I'd lend a hand" Steve joked, big cheeky smile on his face. He was genuinely happy to see you in your element, this was the first time he ever witnessed you be completely confident.

"My hero!" You swooned, pretending to fall backwards into his arms.

Steve giggled before looking around the room and spotting the briefcase they needed to recover. Carefully picking it up, he realized they had a few moments to just relax now that none of their opponents were conscious. "In all seriousness, remember how I said I was intimidated by you this morning? That still stands. I can barely concentrate."

"You're ridiculous, but you're doing great." You smiled, panting while you reached up to squeeze his shoulder. "I'm not used to fighting alongside teammates who actually try to get the job done. It's actually really nice. Thanks, Cap."

"Get used to it, this is how it's going to be from now on." He reminded you. "It should be pretty smooth from here on out, we'll be out of here in no time."

After destroying classified information, and tying up all the loose ends, out of there they were. By the time the two of you made it to the hotel for, as you loved to call it, your sleepover, that's when Steve finally got his chance to shine by talking care of everything.

Check in, carrying the bags, even letting you shower first while he got dinner for the two of you so you didn't have to think about anything. Acts of service was how he best knew to express his love for others, and he could tell you always appreciated it. Especially when you were used to taking care of all of your former teammates on missions.

By the time you got your sore body out of the shower and dressed in the coziest of sweats and fresh fluffy socks, it was already almost midnight and Steve already had a delicious meal waiting for you. The two of you ate together, and the exhaustion hit you so hard that you were hysterically laughing about things that weren't even funny, which made Steve laugh right along with you.

It was such a nice change of pace for the both of you. Being able to let go of the mental weight after days of battle was hard to do, but each other's company made it easy. It made you wonder why you didn't agree to be an Avenger way sooner, and it made you realize how much you just wanted to keep Steve around you forever and ever.

He knew when your giggles subsided with one big yawn, it was probably time for you to get some sleep. When he got up to take a shower, you didn't hesitate to dive into bed and make yourself cozy. By the time he got out, also cozy in some warm sweats, a content smile stretched across his face when he saw your sleeping frame all snuggled up in the blankets to keep warm.

It was starting to snow out, and the heater tried its best to keep it warm, but nothing beat the warmth of each other. Which is why Steve made the executive decision to completely ignore one of the two beds in the room and slide underneath the covers with you.

As carefully as he could to not wake you up, he reached over to turn the lights off, then cuddled you to you. He pulled your back to his front and held you snuggly against him, just as his head hit the pillow, your quiet sleepy voice pulled his attention to you.

"Yay, Stevie sleepover!" You enthused with barely any energy. The juxtaposition was more than amusing to the soldier.

"Buggy bedtime!" He quietly enthused with you. "Sorry, I tried so hard not to wake you up."

"I'm so happy I'm awake, because now I'm aware of how warm and cozy this is." You mumbled, Grabbing onto one of his arms and hugging in between yours.

"How are you feeling?" Steve asked. "Need anything before we sleep?"

"Just a little sore, but I'm totally okay. I actually feel really good." You confessed. "How 'bout you? Are you okay?"

"Not even a scratch." You could hear the grin in his tired voice. "You were incredible today, I'm really proud of you"

"You taught me everything I know." You tried getting impossibly closer to him, feeling like you were halfway between the real world and dream land.

"Hey..." Steve adjusted his arm from you grip so he could reach your face.

"Hmm?" You questioned, half asleep as his hand cupped your cheek and gently pulled it towards him.

All the already thin air was nearly knocked out of your lungs and you were fully convinced that you were definitely dreaming when he pressed his lips to yours. As corny as it seemed, this kiss was different than all the rest. It felt like all the romance books had described kisses. Sparks, fireworks, passion, comfort, love, and longer than all the ones you'd exchanged before.

You'd never felt anything like it before, not with him, not with Harvey, no one. You knew you'd remember it forever.

All of the mental weight you felt over his long journey of being too scared to kiss you first just melted right off. Immediately you realized how silly it was in the first place. You were happy to move on his own time.

"I know I haven't been the best at truthfully expressing my feelings, but that's just because you're the most special little thing I've ever had before. You made me incredibly nervous even though you've been nothing but patient with me. But just know that I really do think you're the most wonderful person I've ever met. I'm really happy we got to do this today, you've grown so much to get here. It's been really lovely to watch."

Turning over to face him, you kissed him right back and held him just as tight. "You've grown a lot too, and you've definitely gotten braver. I think you're the sweetest, most handsome man on this planet and frankly I don't know if I deserve words as kind as those. But thank you, your spot in my life has been one of the greatest honors, even more so than the fancy Avenger title."

"Now how am I ever supposed to go on missions with anyone else?" Steve grinned and he slowly moved his hand off your face and settled into the mattress and against your body. "This has spoiled me completely."

"Clint doesn't ever want to spoon with you?" You questioned sleepily. "I bet Bruce is nice and warm."

"I'd rather sleep on the floor." Steve deadpanned. "With no blankets..."

"I bet Tony would snuggle up." You smiled to yourself, knowing that would tip him over the edge.

"Outside. Naked in the snow."

A lazy giggle was all your body had energy for, "but you're shy!"

"Then it's a really good thing that you're here instead of them, huh?" Steve pressed a kiss to the crown of your head. "We can get all the cozy sleep we want in this expensive hotel on the government's dime."

"So luxurious" You mumbled. "Hope you have the best sleep ever."

"I always sleep well next to you, and the law says we have to sleep in tomorrow so that's even better."

"Oh, really?" You smiled at his made up law.

"Really." He confirmed. "Goodnight, love bug."

"Sweet dreams, Twinkles."

You did just what Steve, or the law, told you. It wasn't very hard to sleep in as late as your body would allow when you felt so safe and warm in the hold of your sweet super soldier.

Eventually when the two of you finally got your butts out of bed and back home, gears were shifted from missions and battlefields to lawyers and courtrooms.

With a lot of help and passion from Natasha, Harvey was officially on trial and facing the legal repercussions of his actions. Being a Plaintiff in a physical assault case was not something you ever had on your bingo card, and way out of your realm of knowledge, so there was a lot of work to be done.

Luckily, you had a lot of incredible people on your side. There was a solid week full of preparation with a big team of people who found it really important for you to win your case.

Tony worked with Jarvis and the compound security department to pull surveillance footage of any and all instances that could be used against Harvey in the court of law. Luckily, Steve was good at his job and thought one step ahead of everyone else, so he had recorded the date and approximate times of every single incident you had come to him for. That helped tremendously in pulling evidence.

Bucky, Sam, Nat, Steve, Commander Bennett and a few other Agents from your old recruit group came forward as your witnesses, and character witness. Their support meant more to you than anything else.

Nat also shared her best advice with you over plenty of lunches together, and even went shopping with you for clothes to wear for the three day long trial. The long week of preparation usually ended with dinners at your place every night, a double date of sorts with Bucky, Nat, and Steve.

All of the other Avengers supported the cause by holding down the fort so everyone else could focus on the trial.

Oh, and you had a really good lawyer.

Three long days of back and forth arguing was exhausting and emotionally taxing at best. At the very root of it, trying to get somebody you used to love in jail was devastating. He was your first love, and part of you knew that regardless of what he put you through, you'd always hold just a small piece of that love for him.

More surface level, and even though your issues with Harvey began way before your budding romance with Steve, you felt terrible that he was engaged with and had to clean up so much of this mess your ex boyfriend had made. It was also unexpectedly embarrassing to have to stand in front of a courtroom filled with your teammates, friends, and family where they all had to listen to the endless list of all the bad things that have happened to you at the hands of this man.

At the end of each day you just wanted to cry and be alone for a while. Making your way up to the rooftop after taking off your make up and business attire, you'd ignore everyone's attempts at trying to make you feel better and just spend some time with the stars.

Being faced head on with all the shit that was thrown at you, you couldn't help but to wonder if you should've made better choices. If you had done anything differently, maybe you would've never had to endure all the pain. You even wondered if you should be apologizing to your parents who were now hearing the true extent of your hardship.

Your dad was getting old, and your Mom was a worry wart. It wasn't good for either of them to hear any of the details, or see the close up pictures of your injured body. If he could, your dad would've killed him in one clean sweep and hid the body somewhere not even the avengers could find if he had the chance. Your sister and brother in law would do even worse than that, and you could only hope Luca would never grow up to learn about any of this and think anything less than you.

Because to him, and the rest of the world, you're a superhero now. So you found the strength to feel all your feelings after court, brush them off, then wake up the next morning to do it all again.

The last day was probably the worst. When the judge deemed Harvey guilty and sentenced him to 8 years, you should've been happy to see him getting taken away in handcuffs.

You should've been smiling, hugging, and celebrating like all of your loved ones behind you. The justice should've brought you peace, but all it did was bring tears to your eyes.

Especially as the police officers walked him right past you as they cleared the court for the final time.

"Happy?" Harvey asked you in passing. "This is what you always wanted huh?"

"I never wanted this." You stated clearly, and sadly. "Unfortunately your own actions led you here, it never had to be this way. I hope you learn a valuable lesson, and I wish you nothing but what you deserve in the future."

"You're fucking insane." He practically spat in your face. "You did this to me."

"You did this to yourself." You swallowed a lump in your throat.

Those were your final words to him before he was taken away, and you were swallowed by the arms of people who truly loved you.

In the hallways of the city courthouse, you were told by Steve, Nat, Bucky, and Sam that they passed a new regulation in the compound. It was called "The 306 policy" clearly stating that any bullying coming from any employee working for the avengers was now to be taken seriously with zero tolerance. No more strikes, no more warnings. Furthermore, if that bullying had to do with gender, sexuality, or race, they would be put under dishonorable discharge to ensure a bumpy life and career ahead.

After properly thanking everyone who put forth their time and effort to help, you got home and took a very very long nap, ate a big meal, took a hot shower, then put your AirPods on and went on a walk.

Stopping by a few shops and grabbing a few different special surprises, your mind felt so much clearer. A quick stop home, then you found yourself walking into Steve's apartment with said surprises in hand.

Given the time and the fact that it was already pretty late, you found Steve exactly where you expected him to be at 9:30 pm on a Friday night. On the couch with a movie he wasn't paying attention to playing on the TV, and his sketchbook and pencil in hand.

Not expecting you to want company tonight, Steve looked up at you with a confused look on your face when he saw you approach with flowers and a brown paper bag.

"Oh, hi love bug." Steve grinned contently, sitting up a bit and closing his sketch book and setting it down to give you his full attention.

"Hi, sorry, hope it's okay that I stopped by." You said while approaching him.

"It's always okay" Steve smiled and stuck his arms out for you. You set the flowers and the bag down on the coffee table before giving him a hug and a kiss. "What's up? How are you doing."

"Better, I know it's been a long week and I feel like I've been neglecting you a bit, and i'm sorry." You explained, watching his face soften. "I just wanted to spend some time with you. I brought us ice cream, and I got you flowers as a small token of appreciation for everything you've done for me. Not only this week, but my whole career here."

"You got me flowers?" He questioned with puppy dog pouted lips and furrowed brows.

"Mhm" You nodded, "I don't know what your favorite flowers are but these ones reminded me of you."

A sigh left his nose and his lips stayed pouted as he kept his eyes glued to the bouquet on the table. "Nobody has ever gotten me flowers before, that's so nice."

Sitting down next to him, you threw your arms loosely around his neck and rested your head against his. His arm quickly found the curve of your hip and rested there. You happily closed your eyes and enjoyed the embrace of the soldier.

"Thank you, sweetheart. I love them." Steve pressed a kiss to your temple. "But I hope you know I understand, and I don't feel neglected."

"Even if that's the case, I just want you to know how much I care about you."

"I know, I can feel it!" He reassured you, "I feel very secure, I never doubt your love and care for me."

A grin took control of your calm face. "Thank you for communicating so clearly, that takes away so much mental weight."

Steve giggled. "Will you communicate what kind of ice cream you got, and if I need to get up to get spoons?"

"Your favorite, vanilla with salted caramel ribbons. Spoons are in the bag."

"I can't believe this is how you treat me and everyone expected me to not fall head over heels?" He questioned, reaching in the bag and pulling out the pint.

You let go of him and got comfortable on the couch, crossing your legs underneath you and facing Steve. He handed you a spoon, and put half his blanket over your lap before popping the lid to the pint open.

Neither of you wasted any time before digging your spoons in. "Cheers?" Steve lifted his spoon.

You grinned. "To you, thank you for supporting me through a lot of bullshit."

"No" Steve denied, shaking his head with an even gentler smile. "To your peace of mind, getting the justice you deserve, and being brave enough to see the greener grass."

Too excited to eat ice cream to scold him for making this about you, you put the spoon in your mouth anyways. Both of you exhaled gloriously at the same time, it was so unfortunately delicious that you knew the entire pint stood no chance of survival.

"So, what are your big plans now that you finally get some peace and quiet?" Steve questioned.

"Well first thing tomorrow morning I'm going to go on a run on the outdoor track with my AirPods on, something I've been too scared to do for a while now." You noted. "Then I'll get some paperwork done from that mission we went on that I've been way too busy to touch, and after that I'll probably text Captain America to see if he wants to hang out and get dinner or something."

"Ooh, I bet he'll say yes." Steve perked up. "He told me he really wants to ask you out to get Dim Sum with him, something about a real date... but I'm not too sure. I think he was nervous about giving you some time to process everything that happened this week. So, you asking him to hang out would definitely make him happy."

"Mmm" You smiled, swallowing the ice cream in your mouth. "Well, if he needs any reassurance I would probably tell Cap that I don't need any more time to process because I learned a really valuable lesson recently."

Steve's heart started to increase in speed as these conversations always made him a bit anxious, which is why he tended to avoid them in the first place. "What would that be?"

"More time and a romantic night with candles and soup dumplings isn't going to do anything to change how I feel about you." You grinned, scooping more ice cream onto your spoon. "Whether we're in our pajamas eating ice cream together on the couch or dressed to the nines at some random charity event eating caviar, I'm just happy to be with you. This is a real date to me."

"While I agree completely," Steve giggled as a drop of melted ice cream landed on the back of your hand and you licked it off. "I have to say, if this is a date then now I'm a little nervous."

"That implies that if we were on a date, there is something you would do differently that's making you feel nervous." You raised your eyebrow, questioning his intentions.

"First of all, I'd be the one bringing you flowers. I'd probably brush my hair first and maybe not wear... this."

"But you look so handsome like that!" You argued. "And there's already flowers here so we both benefit."

"I'd also spend the whole night with sweaty palms just wondering if you were having fun or if I was acting a little weird on accident"

You smiled at his words. "I'm always having fun with you, and you're always a little bit weird. It's part of your charm. It's fun!"

"Then at the end of the night if you seemed like you had a good time and I hadn't yet scared you off I would be even more nervous because then I wouldn't know what to do." Steve shrugged. "Especially if this was a date. Because for a while now I've been meaning to ask you if I could be your boyfriend, but of course if I did that now it would just be terrible timing."

"Terrible timing?" Your head tilted sideways a bit.

"Because anticipating the answer to that question would make me incredibly nauseous, and I'm eating ice cream so adding dairy into that mix just wouldn't be pretty."

"Ah" You slowly nodded in understanding. "Okay, so I just won't answer that then. So there's absolutely no anticipation, no nausea, just ice cream."

Steve slowly leaned back until the arm of the couch dug into his spine, and he rid his spoon of the ice cream still on it. "Thanks, it also really helps with that feeling." He placed his hand over his sternum. "You know? That really awful one where it's like your heart is sitting in the pit of your stomach? Like it's trying to tell you it's in danger but really everything is fine."

"Everything is totally fine." You laughed as you watched him take a deep breath. "You asked the question and I didn't runaway screaming. The earth is still spinning, and you still have twinkles in your eyes so, yeah, really it is fine."

"I'm dying slowly and painfully." Steve whispered.

Reaching out and grabbing his hand, you pulled him back up. "Never in a million years would I ever say no to that."

"Are you sure?" His puppy dog eyes came right back. "I could've done this much better."

"You know, for about 99% of everything in my life I can see a benefit and a disadvantage. Maybe a flaw or a drawback that stops me from fully enjoying something for what it is." You explained. "But you? You're the only thing I've ever been 100% sure of. I don't need anything more convincing than this, this is already the best. Nothing could better."

Steve's posture relaxed, and he squeezed your hand. "I'm speechless."

"Speechless, or perhaps all your energy is focusing on making sure your internal organs are going back to normal." You giggled. "No throw up! I'm so proud!"

"My face probably reads very differently, but I swear I'm really happy right now."

You leaned forward and kissed him. His lips tasted just as sweet as his personality which made it even harder to pull away. But when the need to breathe got too dire, your foreheads stayed connected.

"I'm Steve Rogers girlfriend." You spoke, the statement felt foreign and undeserving on your tongue. "Man oh man, how did this happen?"

"It's a really long story." Steve smiled. "Is this a good time to tell you that your dad invited me over for dinner next Tuesday?"

"Of course he did" you sighed, kissing him one more time before pulling away. "My dad didn't even invite me over for dinner next Tuesday."

"Trust me, he's going to." Steve smiled. "You have a really cool family. I hope it's okay that I said yes."

"That's fine." You giggled. "But you do understand that my dad probably hasn't realized we're dating?"

"Yeah, that's fine." Steve nodded with a smile.

"And you understand that my mom definitely knows?" You questioned again. "And it's not just going to be them two? Luca will definitely be there, and he will definitely be bothering you the whole time."

"That's the fun part!" He enthused.

"Okay." You smiled, raising your hands up in defense. "If you know what you're in for, and you still think it sounds fun then knock yourself out by all means."

Before Tuesday rolled around, Steve was thankful that neither of you got called onto missions so he could have the opportunity to romance you the way you deserved. He was also thankful that you already agreed to be his girlfriend so he could actually relax and enjoy your time together without being too terribly anxious about what was to happen next.

Just as promised, the two of you went to that fancy dim sum restaurant you couldn't get enough of, better outfits, more flowers, a lovely stroll along the water, city lights, then he asked you that dreaded question again. This time more confidently, and once more you agreed to let him be your boyfriend, and reassured him that you loved the way he asked you the first time. But, this was lovely too and you appreciated the gesture. The night wrapped up with snuggles and a movie while you happily waited for Steve to move things along at his own pace.

You did eventually get invited to that Tuesday night dinner with your parents, and that also went really well. Steve seemed really comfortable and very relaxed around your family, even more so than you expected. Of course Steve was a personable, well rounded, and easily adaptable man. You knew he could handle a lot more than you ever could, but admittedly, your mother greeting him with a big ol' kiss on the cheek immediately followed by getting tackled by Luca and Rocket at the same time was a bit more than you expected.

A big cheeky smile remained on his face the whole time he was there, and the whole long drive back home. He even fell asleep holding you in his arms with a grin on his face, happy and content as could be.

Then, the day after that and the next few days to follow, he started acting.... uncharacteristically. He got quieter, started hanging around everyone less, and working out more.

You asked him a few times if there was something wrong, and each attempt was met with a different variation of the fact that he was okay, and everything was fine.

But your levels of concern peaked when you left your apartment for team board game night. The whole team put on their fanciest pajamas, brought their favorite snacks and drinks, and gathered to play all their favorite games. Immediately the whole group asked you where Steve was, you shrugged it off and assumed that maybe he was still getting some work done and he would join as soon as he was done.

Two rounds of mancala, and a painfully long round of catan, you couldn't ignore the lack of Steve any longer. Politely excusing yourself, you made your way through the compound in your matching pajama set, socks, and ugg slippers to Steve's office just to open the door and find it empty. Making it all the way back to the Avengers sector, you quietly knocked on Steve's door before entering his apartment.

He looked like a deer in headlights as you entered his living room while he scrambled to wipe freshly fallen tears off his face to further pretend like everything was still fine.

Though you've gotten pretty close, you've never really seen him cry before. In an instant your heart nearly strained itself to death as it felt like the saddest sight you've ever seen, the you wondered if this is how he felt every time he saw tears on your cheeks.

"Oh, sweet boy." You pouted walking towards him, no longer interested in giant jenga.

"Sorry," He sniffled, running a hand through his messy hair. "I'll be out in a few minutes, I'm just- I need a minute. You don't have to stay... you should go hang out with them."

"What's wrong, Stevie?" You sat next to him on the couch and immediately pulled him into a big hug, the kind that you never want to let go from. Warm, tight, comforting, and your hand cradled the back of his head while the other rubbed his back. "And don't say you're fine again because you're obviously not."

"You're so beautiful" He cried into your shoulder.

"And you're very handsome, but that doesn't fix the problem." His compliment made you giggle despite feeling sad for him. "Did I do something wrong?"

"No." He immediately shook his head before lifting it off your shoulder so he could look at your face. "Not at all. This is not your fault, I've just been having a hard week."

You sighed and looked deeply into his big ol' puppy dog eyes. "Then who do I need to beat up?"

"Violence is not the answer, sweetie." A genuine smile reached his teary eyes.

"It could be." You proposed.

"It doesn't have to be." He reassured you. "Contrary to popular belief, I am fine. Nobody did anything bad to me. I just needed some time to process my feelings."

"Your feelings about what, Stevie?"

It took a lot of courage for Steve to be vulnerable with you. The only other time he ever let a pretty girl see him cry before was Peggy right after Bucky fell off the train, and even then, she wasn't carefully wiping tears off his cheeks and looking at him with such kind and concerned eyes. You were melting him into a pile of goo, and he couldn't even help but to feel comforted in your presence even though he usually found moments like these to be wildly uncomfortable.

"I really loved hanging out with your family. Genuinely, it was the best time I've had in a while." Steve started, setting the record straight.

But even then, your face morphed into a cringe. "Oh god, what did my Dad say to you?"

"No, nothing." Once again, you had him giggling. "Your Dad is great, and your Mom might just be an actual angel on earth. Even Jane... it's just- the way they treated me like a normal human being that night was something I haven't experienced since I got the serum. I think it's just made me miss what life was like before all of this." He motioned to his body.

Your eyes went from concerned to just sad for him.

"It's stupid" Steve shook his head, and wiped more tears off his cheeks.

"No it's not." You denied. "Everything in your life changed. I think craving and missing the comfort of simplicity isn't stupid at all. I'm not even two hours away from my family and some days I'm so home sick it's all I can think about. I can't even imagine what that feeling must be like for you."

Steve took a deep breath, trying really hard to regulate his emotions and ground himself. Your physical touch, and comforting words was working wonders. "Sometimes thinking back to how I used to be gives me this weird sense that this body isn't even mine. I almost felt stronger and more at home when I could barely breathe or my heart could barely handle me standing up too fast. Now I kind've feel like a baby giraffe learning how to walk for the first time." He giggled at his own analogy, earning your grin despite your sadness oh his behalf. "I know sometimes it's awkward and weird to observe from the outside but inwardly, I'm trying my best."

"I've always thought you to be incredibly graceful" You admitted. "It probably feels worse than it looks. But truthfully, I've always admired pretty much everything about you."

“You're too sweet." Steve grinned. "Like I said, I'll be fine. I just miss my Mom... and Bucky's family. His little sister was great. I also miss feeling normal, and this one park I used to go to study when I was in art school that's now an apartment building."

"Well, I know this won't fix much but if it's any consolation my family loves you and they love having you around. It's also apparent to me that they like treating you like a normal person, probably to a fault. You'll always have a place to go if you need to feel some good old fashioned family love and get away from all of this." You reminded him. "I can't promise that Luca will ever stop asking you to sign his captain America posters, but I'm sure he'll run out of unsigned ones soon enough."

"I like signing his posters." Steve sniffled with a smile.

"You know he asked me to do show and tell at his school next week?" You asked. "Not because he wants me to show something, but because he wants to show me off. The poster thing is totally normal."

"If it weren't for public scrutiny, I'd want to show you off too."

"Now you're the one that's too sweet." You grinned. "I'm sorry you're feeling so sad, Stevie. For what it's worth, I love you a lot and you'll always be normal to me."

You wrapped your arms around him again, but this time he squeezed you tighter and pulled you onto his lap just to feel you closer. The weight of you on him helped his body further relax, and he loved the way you cradled his head and kissed his temple a few times in the process of getting comfortable. It was really hard to think about the sadness when all he could feel when you were around was happy and incredibly grateful.

"I love you too" Steve's tears came to an end with his body closely squished against yours.

Your hands carefully cupped his cheeks and tilted his head to look up at you. Looking right into your big, kind eyes momentarily before you closed them and pressed your lips to his gave him uncontrollable butterflies.

They traveled all the way up and down his body as your tongue mingled with his, and his brain buzzed as his lips swelled. His heart felt just as frail as it did when he was that 90 pound kid with arrhythmia when you pulled away for air and opened your eyes again. They were still big and kind, but they were also just as dilated as his, and your heartbeat was just as fast.

But you knew better than to keep it going, you knew that no matter what happened, you'd never be comfortable going any further with Steve if he wasn't comfortable as well.

So rather than continuing to make out with him, your thumbs rubbed his cheeks, and you left kissed on his forehead, nose, and one quick one on his lips to make up for the sad loss. "I'd also like to remind you that you have a whole family right outside this door that wants to play Scrabble with you."

Steve couldn't ignore his love and deep attraction to you anymore. He was already in a state of vulnerability, and he desperately needed to keep you close to him. "I don't think I care too much about using my words right now."

That sentence was enough to turn your very controlled love and warmth into fire. An eyebrow raised in genuine surprise at his boldness. "We can use as many or as little words as you'd like, but that's up to you, Honey. You're going to have to set the pace on this one."

In an instant, his lips were right back on yours with even more fire and hunger than before. As the heat amped up, your fingers slid through his hair, and his hands slipped up the back of your shirt. You got lost in your own head for a few moments, overly conscious of the fact that he could feel the difference in texture between your skin and the huge scar on running down your spine.

Those thoughts escaped you as his hands assisted you in readjusting. Rather than sitting sideways, you threw your legs to the side of his and straddled him instead. As the lust progressed and both of your hearts were beating in rhythm, you could now feel that Steve wanted you just as bad as you wanted him, but like he said, his body sometimes didn't feel like him. You didn't feel right without reassurance that his heart and mind wanted this just as much.

It seems as though he was on the same page as you, because he pulled away slightly just to get some oxygen into what might as well have been his still asthmatic lungs considering you were making him feel that familiar sting. But he also wanted to check in on you.

"Is this what you want?" Steve asked, the ever so lovely twinkles returning to his pretty blue eyes.

You grinned and pecked his lips. "Of course this is what I want, but I want you to be sure too. I know this is important to you, and I look to you for guidance in a lot of situations. So if you think this is the right time for you, then there's no doubt for me."

Steve's hands traveled up and down your back, massaged the small of your waist, and acclimated you to his hands on your bare skin while you had this conversation. You searched his face for honesty just as deeply as he studied yours. He could tell you meant every word, but you spotted a glimpse of doubt.

"Tell me about your hesitance." You told him with a welcoming expression as your hands massaged the back of his neck.

Steve sighed and hung his head low before picking it back up again. "Sometimes I still feel awful about what I did to you. There was a point where your trust in me was at a zero percent, and I don't think i've forgiven myself enough to believe it'll ever be back at 100"

"Steve, no." Your brows furrowed, genuinely shocked by the words coming out of his mouth. "What? Thats not even remotely a concern, nor something I ever think about anymore."

"I think about it every day." He admitted, maybe too honestly. But he knew he wouldn't be able to enjoy himself if this conversation wasn't had.

"My trust in you is 110 percent." Your hands found his cheeks again, angling his head so he had no choice but to look you in the eye when you told him. "What happened that day was a mistake. It was a misunderstanding, it was bad communication between the two of us, and the result of that was really unfortunate. I was harsh because I was in a very bad situation, but I never thought any less of you for it. I know you didn't mean to hurt me, and we can talk about this as many times as you need until you feel better about it. But I know you had no malicious intent."

Steve nodded in understanding. "My only hesitation right now is making sure that you're confident, and you trust me enough."

"I trust you more than I trust myself, and I mean that." You kissed him and rocked your hips forward. "If my life was on the line and I had to choose between you or myself to save it, I would choose you."

He attached his lips to yours this time. More passion, more fire, more brave roaming hands.

"And if I get to choose between board games or a night with you, I choose you." You continued between desperate kissing and heavy petting. "I'll always choose you over anything else. Besides, if you think it's impossible for me to trust you this much yet, then you must know that trust is earned and the only way to earn it is through your actions. So maybe, for you to feel better you need to give me all the more reason to trust you."

"I can't tell if you're a terrible influence or a really good one." He practically whimpered into your mouth. "I love you so much, being with you is where I’ve always felt the most comfortable.”

“Then let’s get even more comfortable with each other." You reassured him. "And I'll show you just how much of a home you can turn this body of yours into. Because I love you too, and we both deserve to be happy."

He smiled before kissing your forehead, then your lips before making his way to your jaw, down your neck into your collarbone, and the last thought you could even formulate before he captured all your senses was that even just by the way his hands held you, and his lips nipped at your collar bones was that there was a whole other side to this man that you never got to know, and you were absolutely in for it now.

And in for it you were, because even though he was all kinds of sweet, gentle, and loving, he was also incredibly sexy and attentive. Though your sexual experiences in life was pretty low, he blew everything you thought you knew out of the water. You didn’t even know it was possible for your body to feel the way that it did, or to even be as attracted to a person the way you were to Steve.

Even when all was said and done, he didn’t hesitate to hold your body close to his as you both caught your breath, exchanged affirmations and a few jokes just to hear your sweet laugh.

With his arms snug around your naked frame, and his fingers drawing shapes into your arm, he continued placing sweet kisses to the top of your head. It made you realize how the icky feeling you usually got never arrived. No regrets, no doubts, no mean voices in your head telling you that you weren’t good enough, pretty enough, or skilled enough.

It was just you, Steve, and a warmth in your heart that took over the former butterflies. There was his raspy voice rambling something to make you smile, which always worked, then there was some very comfortable silence.

An overwhelming sense of gratitude for Steve washed over you like a wave as you realized how happy and confident you felt in this very moment. No rushing to cover up, no feeling of anxiety or worry. A few months ago you could barely even imagine a word in which eating breakfast wasn’t an impossible task. Now, you were excited for the night because for once, that meant tomorrow was even closer, and tomorrow was going to be a really good day. You had no specific plans, but that was the fun part, you no longer needed a good thing to happen for you to have a good day. Tomorrow could just be, and that was good enough.

You could’ve cried right then and there, you also could’ve blamed the huge rush of hormones and endorphins for making you so emotional and gushy, but the fact of the matter was that all you could think about was how happy you are.

How happy Steve made you. How lucky you were to be excited for tomorrow.

Steve grinned when he looked down at you. Cuddled up to his side, head on his chest, absentmindedly looking at your hand that was rubbing his stomach. You traced the peaks and valleys of his muscles, completely lost in thought.

“What are you thinking about?” Steve asked quietly, his smile winding as you came back to earth and looked up at him.

You knew your deep inner thoughts might’ve brought up memories of harder times even though you were nothing but happy, and you really didn’t want to keep bringing up the past. So instead of being completely truthful, you focused on making newer, happier memories.

“Honestly?” You questioned, propping yourself up on your arm so you could see his face better and moving your hand up to his chest to draw a heart over his. “It’s just-“

“Wait now I’m scared.” Steve cut you off, causing you to giggle.

“Everyone was always so sure that sleeping with you meant better job opportunities, but it’s been almost 15 minutes now and I haven’t even been offered a promotion.” You joked, knowing he’d take it lightly.

“You’re stupid!” His belly laugh confirmed it, “You’re already at the highest rank, my dear. I don’t have anything left to offer you!”

“Damn it!” You pretended to be disappointed, big smile scrunched the corners of your eyes. “If I knew it would be this fun I would’ve done this months ago.”

“It’s a lot easier than all the training, huh?” Steve asked.

“I don’t know about that, I’m kind’ve exhausted.” You joked.

“Well, we all learn from our mistakes.” He smiled. “Now you know for next time.”

“That, we do.” You agreed, relaxing into him once more. “Maybe this really is what we should’ve been going in the training room all this time, I think it’s just as good of a work out.”

Steve gasped. “There’s cameras and windows in there!”

“Oh right, you’re very shy.” You poked his chest.

“Hey!” He caught your hand and tangled your fingers together with his. “Don’t be mean to me!”

“I’m not being mean, I think that’s very cute.” You kissed his pec. “Even cuter now that I’ve seen all of you and I know for a fact there’s absolutely nothing for you to be shy about.”

“Ooh!” He lit up. “Hey remember that one time a long time ago when I saw you naked?”

“How could I ever forget?” You laughed at his question. “Is it my turn to be scared?”

“No, I just wanted to say that I think you’re very beautiful.” He smiled. “I thought that back then too, but who was I to tell you that? So I’m telling you now to make up for it.”

“Okay that’s not so bad. Thank you, twinkles.”

“Mhm” He hummed.

More comfortable silence, more basking in his body heat and skin to skin contact.

“Do you think they’re still waiting for you to play scrabble?” You questioned quietly.

“I think they got the hint by now” Steve smiled, lifting the back of your hand to his mouth to kiss it.

Once again, silence.

“Wait…” Steve spoke. “I think I might actually have a job opportunity for you. What are you doing on May 20th?”

“Celebrating. That’s the first day of Gemini season” You recalled, amused by the serendipity.

Before you knew it, the moon said goodbye to the sun over and over again for months until Monday morning rolled around just like it always seemed to do.

Your combat boots squeezed against the floor beneath you as you walked down the hallway to the agent training room. As you walked, you caught a glimpse of your reflection in a big glass window pane. Your avengers uniform suited you more and more every time you wore it with pride, and you were even more proud that Steve was in his suit walking right behind you.

With a deep breath, you opened the door to the training room and Steve followed in behind you. You were greeted with a new batch of rookies in their agent uniforms, all standing tall in a neat, straight line.

Their eyes all on Commander Bennett as he beamed the moment you walked into the room. As unprofessional as it might have been, he couldn’t even help but to give you a hug as you approached, and you were happy to do so.

You faced the agents, Commander Bennett on your right and Steve on your left created your own line.

“Hello, Agents.” Steve greeted the line. “Congratulations on making it this far into your training.”

Your eyes scanned the line, and you couldn’t help but to remember when that used to be you, and how intimidating it felt to meet Steve for the first time.

“As you all know, this is Captain Rogers.” Bennett introduced. “But more importantly, this is Agent 306. Our newest Avenger, and the highest ranking agent to ever be trained in all of shield’s history.”

“Hi everyone.” You smiled, hoping to ease their tension. “It’s nice to meet you all. From here on out I’ll be in charge of assisting Commander Bennett in furthering your expertise and knowledge, hopefully turning you all into even better agents than the last group.”

“Though this is usually a task I take on myself,” Steve further explained. “It’s never been more apparent to me that you deserve to learn from the best of the best, and the best hands are her’s. I’ll be here to help out when you guys need it. Im here for extra support when you may need, and some extra oversight on hectic days but trust me when I say you are all very lucky that 306 agreed to this.”

If the two of you weren’t trying to hard to keep your relationship private, his words would’ve made you smile.

“We’re going to start by going down the line, and learning your names and assigned numbers.” You addressed the group again. Carefully scanning their faces, you couldn’t help but to feel pure joy in your heart when you saw a whole lot of women staring right back at you. You were hopeful, and happy knowing this experience would be so much easier for them than it was for you. “After we greet you please feel free to start warming up for your first lesson, we have about two hours together today. And three hours together for four days a week for the foreseeable future.”

“Yep, so maybe even chit chat with the people around you. Take some deep breaths, release your tension, and get to know each other, because we’re about to spend a lot of time together.” Steve agreed, happy to implement your suggestions on creating a happier and healthier work environment. “Look around at the people in this room and build the foundations of a strong, tight knit community. These are now the people you need to be looking out for. You guys live together, work together, train together, so the most important thing for you to do, is build trust.”

“This journey will be difficult, and tiring no matter how effortless you can make it look. But believe that it’ll be a lot easier if you enjoy everyone you’re on the journey with.” You agreed with Steve. “That being said, Captain Rogers and I are here to lift you up and support you through just as much as Commander Bennett, so please feel free to come to us with whatever you may need.”

“Alright, let’s get started.” Bennett ordered. “Agents, tactile formation remains until after you are greeted. Eyes forward, shoulders back.”

Steve looked at you, pride smeared all across his face. “You ready?” He held his hand up for a high five.

“Now more than ever.” You slapped your hand against his.

⋆｡°✩ The end ✩ °｡⋆

Though this is the end of the series, I’m always happy to write your requests for bug and sparkles 💞🌟

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thatonebirdwrites · 19 hours

Text

Cheating Death Part 3

Part 1 and Part 2 Doctor Alex Danvers and Karen Starr moved in perfect symmetry, as they worked to extract the bullets.

Kara had sensed the one that punctured Lena's lung, but another had been hidden by her spine. Her stomach rumbled, but the granola bar Nia had dropped off sat uneaten in Kara's pocket. Instead, she kept her vigil, her stomach knotted at the sight of Lena's still form. Alex had been stiff-lipped about the prognosis. Each second, minute, hour, Lena still breathed, unconscious, while the doctors sewed her body back together. Machines hummed and beeped, and Kara took to pacing a groove into the floor. Nia had tried twice to convince her to come eat with the others, but Kara couldn't leave Lena.

If she did, she'd do more dangerous stunts, testing the edge of her powers, just to not feel the intense shame, fear, and worry that throbbed through her muscles.

One of the nurses rushed out of the room. "Rh-null blood!" she shouted to one of the technicians, further down the medical wing. "We need another batch!"

"That's our last one!" the technician called back. "Ms. Lena Luthor was our only donor."

"What do you mean Rh-null blood?" Kara asked, anxiously.

"Need it to prevent hemolysis," the nurse said. "Her blood type is one of the rarest, compatible as a donor with any human blood type, but only able to receive Rh-null blood in return."

Dread curdled through Kara. "When does she need this?"

"As soon as possible," the nurse glanced back at Alex and the other doctor.

Alex leaned over Lena's bed with her tools, her body blocking the spine region from view. They'd propped Lena up on her side with a thick pillow on the other. Her skin was pallid, deep shadows under her eyes, and her body limp against the body pillow. A terrifying sight for Kara.

Kara clenched her jaw. She pushed past the nurse despite the nurse's protestations. "Alex! Does she need another transfusion?"

Alex waved a blood-stained glove at her. "Kara, don't interrupt, and yes. Nurse --"

"We're out of her blood type. Nurse said it was super rare, is that true?" Kara ached to reach out to hold Lena's limp hand, but she didn't want to disturb the delicate surgery.

Alex looked up. Even with the mask, she looked haggard. "Well shit. And yes. i wouldn't even know how to begin to find it. All the stock we had is what Lena herself donated. She's one of the few Rh-null donors in the world."

Kara grimaced. "Then what about synthetic blood? I could make some in the Fortress if I had a sample of her blood."

"Synthetic? Would her body reject it?" Dr. Karen Starr glanced at Kara, her eyebrows scrunched. She held a scalpel in her hand, its edge gleaming silver in the florescent lighting.

"Not if it's an exact match. I should be able to replicate down to the atomic level, but..." Kara nibbled on her lower lip and the urge to weep nearly overcame her. "I could only do a small amount. It takes considerable time and energy to do larger batches. Maybe enough for one or two transfusions."

She didn't want to admit that it had been years since she did any science of this magnitude, and that had been with Kryptonian blood, which differed slightly from human. The protocol for working the synthesizers was the same regardless.

One of the monitors beeped. Alex cursed again. "She's dipping again. Starr we may need a breathing tube if she continues to dive." She stripped off her gloves, tossed them in the bio-waste, and replaced them. "Kara, if you can pull that off, then we need it as soon as possible." She used the IV to pull a small vial of blood. She handed it to Kara.

"I'll be back in a jiffy." She dashed out of the room, leaving a gust of wind in her wake.

Again the sonic boom rattled the windows of National City. The blood vial she held close to her chest.

Returning to the Fortress so soon left her feeling ill.

Here Lena had saved her from Rama Khan. Here Lena and her had fought. And here, Lena encased her in a Kryptonite ice cage. The horrifying truth was Kara could have broken free, it'd been painful, but she had the strength. Instead, she'd stood there, stunned.

If Lena had decided to kill her, Kara would have let it happen. There was no doubt in her mind; she could never fight Lena.

But Lena hadn't wanted to kill her. She'd done all she could to make sure Kara recovered fast. That seeded Kara's wrecked heart with a wild hope.

Turning down a side corridor, she raced for the medical wing of the fortress, the area she had not taken Lena. Inside a massive tube took up much of the room, with several medical instruments, machinery, and a control panel covered in Kryptonian glyphs.

She keyed the command for the synthesis of blood, a program coded into the Fortress long ago, likely when Kal's father sent it on its way.

She flipped open the side panel and inserted the tube. Now Lena Luthor's blood would join her own and Kal's in the archive, along with all of Kara's and Kal's family.

A three-dimensional DNA strand appeared in the air, along with various imaging of the cells contained in the blood. She keyed an analysis against her limited database, then keyed the command for a replica of the blood.

A red alert appeared requesting more material. Kara scowled, of course. Can't synthesize a larger amount from nothing.

She recalled a vague lesson from her father. How he'd used raw ingredients from plants to show her how any ingredients worked for synthesizer as long as it held the correct set of elements.

So, okay, raw ingredients could come from anything. So why not herself?

All that mattered was that the final product exactly match Lena's blood.

"Kara Zor El?" Kelex floated up to her. "Do you need assistance?"

She glanced at the floating robot. "Yes, actually. I need you to take my blood and put it in the synthesizer. It's low on ingredients."

He flew closer to the medical control panel. "This is human blood you are synthesizing. Are you certain you wish to do this?"

Kara rolled up her sleeve and held out her arm. "Yes, do it." She closed her eyes and tensed for the pain of a kryptonite needle. Kelex worked quietly. The soft slosh of blood in the tubing he'd hooked into the synthesizer rang with the hum of the machine.

She opened her eyes to see the data from her donation form on the other side of Lena's blood imaging. She watched in fascination as her blood was broken down into its smallest components and reassembled with Lena's parameters.

The entire process lasted fifteen minutes, but it felt like a lifetime. Kara kept shifting and nearly dislodged Kelex's needle from her vein twice.

When the signal rang for completion, Kelex applied an coagulating agent to her wound and gathered up the tubing. "This will be destroyed per protocol. Do you wish to destroy the original sample?"

Kara tugged the larger container free from the synthesizer. The smaller vial still sat in its slot. "Yes. Thanks Kelex. I got to go."

The entire flight back her head swam with dizziness from the blood draw, the night sky not at all conducive toward recovery. By the time she stumbled into the surgery room with the container, it'd been nearly twenty-five minutes.

"Please tell me I'm on time," she said.

Alex stared at the metal container. Several monitors beeped alarmingly in the background. "Yeah, yeah, how do I work it? Because she needs it now."

She showed Alex the set of controls and where the tube could be inserted for the transfer. "I tried to make enough to last awhile."

Alex swiftly hooked it up to Lena's IV. "All that from a small sample?"

"Well, not exactly." Kara rubbed the back of her neck. "I used my own blood as raw ingredients so the synthesizer could reformulate it for Lena."

"Shit." Alex's hand hesitated on the clip that would start the transfusion. "Are you sure it's safe?"

"Hundred percent match to the original sample. Do you have a choice?" Kara crossed her arms. "You said her blood type is rare."

"Nearest hospital with Rh-null stock has only a quarter of what we need," Dr. Starr said. She worked on the final stitches to Lena's spine surgery. "We've had no other replies on the network."

"Fine. Let's hope this works." She flicks the clip and breathes out a long sigh. "As for you," she pointed to Kara, "great work. Now shoo and go sit under the sunbed. You look pale as fuck." Alex waved her hands toward the door. "I'll let you know when she wakes."

When. Alex said when.

Hope dug its roots into Kara's heart for the first time that day. *** Light danced across her eyelids. Whispers echoed in her ears. Soft fabric lay across her skin. Pain melded with the aggravating thirst and pulsing headache.

If she was dead, then the pain would cease.

Which meant she was alive.

Her eyes slowly opened to a small room of mostly glass walls. She lay on a bed, and a sheet and blue blanket covered her body. Someone dressed in a white lab coat and black pants fiddled with the IV bags. Or rather one metal container that had a tube connected to her IV, its contents blood-red.

The red hair cropped short rang with familiarity. "Alex?" Lena rasped. Speaking hurt her throat. Her mouth way too dry.

The woman turned with a smile of relief. "Hey, the sleeping beauty finally awakes." She turned and lifted the blanket to adjust the blood pressure cuff and examine the IV needle in her elbow. "Maybe now my sister will stop bothering the hell out of me."

"Kara?" Lena struggled to comprehend what happened. "How? What is that? Why am I..." She tried to lift her finger to point at the container, but she seemed to have misplaced her strength on the stairwell.

"The signal watch." Alex lifted her head to study Lena, her eyebrows furrowed. "You're lucky. A few minutes later and I'm not sure even surgery would have saved you. You lost far too much blood. It's a good thing you donate blood a lot, as we had to do several transfusions. When our stock ran low, Kara raced to the fortress to synthesize more."

Lena struggled to parse Alex's words. "Synthesized?"

Alex shrugged. "I'm no expert on Kryptonian tech. That's Kara, Kal, and Brainy. All I know is she used her own blood as ingredients to craft a replica of yours."

"Her own blood?" Lena repeated, stunned.

But why? She'd raged at Kara, trapped her in a Kryptonite cage, deceived her for months, and yet Kara saved her? And why was Alex helping her? If Alex knew about the Kryptonite cage, she'd be more likely to shoot her or throw her in a cage to die. Not save her life.

Hot brands swept through her neck and back, and she hissed, her eyes briefly closing. The machine hummed next to her like an irritating bee. Each pump alleviated some of the dizziness, but the pain burned with a dogged persistence.

Alex reached over her to dim the lights. "Look, I get the whole being reluctant to use the watch. But for that situation? You should have used it sooner." She fiddled with a tablet. "Those bullets did some nasty damage."

She gave Lena a faint smile. "You also don't have to worry about Leviathan assassins any further. Kara took care of them."

"Took care of them?" She felt like a parrot, repeating words that made no sense to her. "But why? We -- we fought."

Alex hesitated far too long, her smile tight. "Ah, she just took care of them. They won't bother anyone going forward."

It dawned on her slowly. "She killed them? But..."

Alex understood her trailed off sentence. "I know," she said, softly. She grasped Lena's hand and squeezed gently. "It's against her code to kill, but you've always been her exception."

This was a dream. It had to be a dream.

Tears blurred her vision, and although she tried to hold them back, they burned on her cheeks. Her body throbbed in agony, her condition atrocious, and this information overwhelmed.

She had been prepared to die on the stairs. Any signal watch activation had been only for a last goodbye.

Kara should have left her there. Moved on and found someone better. Not save Lena, who out of bitterness and heartbreak hurt Kara and deceived her for months.

With a tenderness she didn't deserve, Alex wiped away the tears with a kleenex. "Take it easy, Lena. You're safe here." She gestured to a cup with a straw. "Want a few drops of water? Can't have too much but it'll at least eliminate the dry mouth."

"Alex..." the urge to confess simmered, but the words clogged her throat and came out as a strangled sob. She wanted to curl up in a fetal position and cease existing. She should have died. Why couldn't Kara let her die? She'd lost everything.

"I don't deserve this..."

"Nonsense." Alex smoothed back Lena's hair. "You deserve it more than anyone." Her smile held a hint of melancholy. "And I'm sorry I wasn't as supportive of you and Kara. No matter what happens, we're here for you, Lena. And I want to make up for my mistakes to you."

"Don't!" The word erupted in a coughing fit. "Please, don't. Alex, I hurt Kara. Don't you see? I'm not good." Her tears burned with shame. Her thoughts fixated on the Kryptonite cage, the pain of seeing Kara in it, the urge to free her, how it'd taken all her willpower to walk through that portal. How she'd collapsed into tears on the other side. She loved Kara, and yet still hurt her? What kind of monster did that?

God, she loved Kara. She loved her so much it hurt. Now she was broken on bed, trapped with the knowledge she was capable of hurting Kara. "You shouldn't have saved me."

Alex frowned. "Lena, we all make shitty mistakes. I fuck up and hurt Kara sometimes, and we talk it out and fix it. You doing it doesn't mean you deserve death."

"Shitty? Shitty doesn't cover this." She felt loopy and out of control. Her emotions bubbled and frothed, her head spun, and the pain crawled through her spine. "I killed my brother for her. And... and he showed me she was Supergirl. I didn't know what to do. So I went to all of you, and you were celebrating and playing games." The pain with each breath, each word spoken ripped through her. But she had to get it out. She had to make sure Alex knew she was not worth this care.

"Lena..."

"No! Let me finish!" She tried to push herself upright, but her arm wouldn't handle her weight. She collapsed onto her side, wheezing. "Was I just the Luthor on a leash? No more a friend than a cat with a rat? I wanted Kara to feel my pain. I deceived her, used her, and I do not deserve this care--"

"Lena," Alex interrupted, sternly. "Lena, listen to me. You are hurting yourself with this." She gently pushed her back against the mattress and readjusted the blankets. "I am a trained doctor, and one thing I know, that it doesn't matter what a person did. If they come to me needing medical assistance, I give it. Want to know the best thing you can do right now?"

Lena sucked in a breath, still trembling from the pain and exertion.

"Rest. I mean it, you've been through hell. Your heart stopped during surgery, okay?" Alex's voice shook with an emotion Lena couldn't decipher. "I had to call J'onn in to hold Kara back from doing something very stupid. We almost lost you." She breathed in sharply. "Now is not the time for confessions and blame games. As your doctor, I order you to rest."

She picked up the cup and held it out. Reluctantly, Lena took a few short sips. Her head fell back against the pillow in exhaustion. She closed her eyes, but all she saw was the Kryptonite cage.

***

She woke next to voices whispering by her bed. One she recognized as Kara and the other took her a few seconds. Nia? She hadn't interacted with the girl much. She kept her eyes shut, the pain too much to handle speech.

She wished they'd go away. Leave her to mope in pieces.

"Kara, you need rest too. Lena will be okay. She's under Alex's supervision."

"I'm not leaving her side. I can't." Kara's voice sounded uncharacteristically wild. "She died, Nia, she died for almost twenty seconds. No, I have to make sure she's okay."

"I get that, okay? It scared all of us too. We can take shifts or something. Make sure someone is always at her bedside." Nia shuffled further from her bed. "Didn't you say we were stronger together? El Mayarah?"

Kara breathed in sharply. "Using my family motto against me?"

"Hey, just using my full arsenal here. Like you taught me." Nia paused and sighed. "I didn't want to say this, but Andrea has been on me today about our articles. The only reason we even have this extension is because it's Lena in the hospital. Don't make the situation worse."

"Maybe I'll just quit."

"And never be a reporter again?"

"Lena is more important."

"Oh my god, Alex wasn't kidding. You're like a steel mountain. Not budging. Do you think Lena would want you to just throw away everything you've worked for?"

"Lena is more important than anything."

"Even your life?"

"Yes."

"Jesus, Kara."

"No!" Lena winced at he pain from her outburst. Both Nia and Kara turned to her. "No, god no, I'm not more important than your life."

Pain arced down her back, and she blinked back tears, but still they crept free anyway.

"Yes you are!" Kara shot back. "I'm nothing without you, Lena! I just can't. I can't lose you again."

Lena growled deep in her throat, and gathered up every once of energy she had. If she had to walk out of here to prove her point, then fine.

Except, no matter how hard she tried, her legs refused to respond. In fact, she felt only a vague tingling, more in the thighs and not anything below.

She pushed herself upright, which sent pain shooting down her back. Her hands gripped her legs. They were definitely there, but she couldn't get them to move.

"Lena! You shouldn't be moving yet!" Kara said, frantically. "Please, rest." She moved to push her hand against Lena's shoulder.

In response, Lena pushed back, but that succeeded in collapsing into Kara's arms. "Kara," she growls, "if you don't go out there and do your job, I will verbally berate and flay you alive."

"Um, Andrea already does that," Nia said.

"She's too soft," Lena grumbled.

"That sounds a bit like you're telling on yourself," Nia said. When Lena shot her a glare, Nia took a step back. "And I'll just be getting Alex, bye!"

The door swung shut behind her.

Kara gently laid Lena back in the bed, and to her dismay, she didn't have the strength to protest. "I'm going to stay here until you're better."

Lena wanted to yell at Kara. To get her to stop whatever this was. But the pain crackled through Lena's body, and she couldn't think coherently. Instead, to her horror, she wept, her only intelligible words, "I can't, I can't, I just can't."

Kara tenderly held her through it, her hand smoothing back her hair. She didn't say anything, just stayed there, until Lena, exhausted, tumbled back into blessed unconsciousness.

***

Time held no meaning. Depending on the culture, it either flowed like a river in one direction, or it flowed in a circle. Even cosmology couldn't decide if the universe was cyclic -- a big bang, expansive era, then the big crunch -- or ever expanded in all directions endlessly.

Lena felt trapped at the center of some sort of timeless hell. The pain left her short-tempered, and the fact Kara refused to give up on her also grated on her.

"Why can't you see the truth?" Lena shouted at one point. "My body is broken, Kara! I'd rather be dead!"

Kara had stared at her, but then she clenched her fists. "Don't you dare speak ill about yourself." Her voice dropped to a dangerous low tone that did more for Lena's libido than it did to intimidate. "You are beautiful. Gorgeous. And you're hurt and healing. You deserve life, and I will always fight to save you."

Lena didn't know what to say in response.

Because Kara had an alarming point.

She had fought to save Lena over and over again. No matter what her family threw at them, no matter how many assassin's sought her death, no matter the attacks on her person, Kara had been there. Or she'd send Supergirl, which had actually been Kara.

"Was it really you flying me when I was poisoned?" She asked instead. Her voice came out weak, irritatingly timid.

"Yeah. Yeah, it was. I -- I was terrified. Had to use ice breath on you to induce hypothermia to give Alex's medicine time to work." Kara slumped in her chair. "I almost told you then when you said you remembered the flight."

"Why didn't you?"

"James was shaking his head ..."

"I didn't ask about James, Kara. I asked about you. Or do you not make decisions for yourself?" Irritation crept into her voice.

"That's the problem, Lena! Don't you get it?" Kara threw her hands in the air. "I didn't trust myself, all right? So yes, I did rely on others to make decisions, especially about the whole Supergirl identity. I can't afford to mess up. I can't afford to lose anyone else. I just can't."

Lena struggled to parse Kara's words. The pain ricocheted up like it always did before Alex or a nurse came and swapped IV bags for new ones. "What do you mean you didn't trust yourself?"

"Do you know what happened before you came to National City? The attack by my people? That was my Aunt." Kara said bitterly. "My Aunt and her husband wanted to -- Rao, it doesn't matter. I trusted her, and I was wrong. People got hurt. So many died. Alex had to kill my own Aunt because I couldn't do it. Nothing stopped her and Non. And then, and then..."

She shot to her feet and began to pace. "You're not the only one who can make kryptonite, okay? Max Lord did it first but he made red."

"Red? What does--"

"It was horrible. I -- I got infected and it shut off my inhibitions, it made every bad thought, every intrusive nightmare, come to life. I acted it all out, and people got hurt. I almost killed Cat Grant. Alex and J'onn used every Kryptonite they had to capture me."

Lena blinked. She didn't remember reading that in the papers, but then she'd been very distracted by shit in Metropolis at the time. "Were you in control?"

"I don't know." Kara dropped back into her chair and put her head in her hands. "It haunts me to this day. I hear the word synthesized Kryptonite and I start to have flashbacks. I can't let that happen again."

"That's why you acted that way during the worldkillers crisis." Lena didn't ask it as a question.

Kara's shoulders slumped. "I had to be in control. That way no one could get hurt. No one would die. And that was out of my control. But I was trapped back in the Red-K nightmare, and I didn't realize it at first. I -- i was wrong. I shouldn't have acted out my trauma on you. I'm sorry for that too. It hit home how bad I fucked up in the elevator when we were on our way to comfort Sam."

No wonder Kara had looked so upset when she said she'd never trust Supergirl again. She sighed and rubbed her fingers against the IV line. "I tend toward dramatics and can be terribly petty," she said finally. "You tried to talk to me as Supergirl to fix it, and I refused to listen. So as Sam likes to remind me, two wrongs don't fix anything. I'm sorry too."

Kara tentatively touched Lena's hand. "Thank you for this conversation. How are you feeling? Are you in pain again?"

"Alex mentioned internal bleeding once and you're hovering again?" Lena grumbled.

Kara winced. "I just want you to be well."

Lena sighed. "I know, Kara. And yes, I'm in pain. How about you get your sister, and read more of your book out loud?"

She wasn't sure what started that activity, but listening to Kara read soothed her far more than she'd like to admit.

"Okay." Kara shot to her feet. A breeze whipped Lena's hair into her face, Kara vanishing.

Still not used to it, but she was getting closer at least.

***

Two weeks and four days after she woke in Alex's medical ward, Lena was examined by Alex and a Doctor Starr. Part of that exam required her to sit in a wheelchair, which hurt far more than Lena wanted to admit.

Alex's checked her reflexes with her little hammer, while Starr listened to Lena's lungs.

It was irritating, but she was slowly accepting this was her reality now.

At least, the odd Kryptonian container had been used only once since she first saw it. She had a stress induced bout of hemolysis, which didn't surprise her. She knows she's prone to anemia. Kara's frantic reaction had Alex banning her from the room for two whole days.

It should have brought relief, but Lena missed Kara by day two.

As the doctors conferred, a startling thought hits Lena. "Alex, has Kara ever had a loved one in a condition as bad as mine?"

Alex turned and crossed her arms. "When I got sick from Pestilence, I'm told Kara was uncharacteristically erratic. But I was only sick a day or so. So I guess, no, not for this long."

"Hmmm." Lena turned the thought over in her head. "I think I know how to calm her down."

"Oh?" Alex had adopted a neutral tone since Lena's high-on-pain-meds confession. "And what wonderful idea does my patient have today?"

"Take me around wherever we are. Let her see me outside this room." She attempted a smile. "Yes, I'm in a pain, don't ask. Just let her see visible progress."

"I'd advise against..." Dr. Starr started to say but Alex held up her hand.

"No, she's right. Kara needs to see progress. And you are progressing, it's just not really that visible right now." Alex stepped closer and leaned over Lena. "But I need full honesty. Are you positive you want to do this?"

Lena nodded. "Yes. If it helps Kara, then yes."

"I'm not asking about Kara. Will this help you?"

Lena tilted her head puzzled. "I suggested it to aid Kara not myself?"

"Oh my god." Alex threw up her hands. "Do you see what I'm working with here?" She said to the other doctor. "They're both idiots."

Lena sniffed a trifle offended by that statement.

"I mean, yes, you have a pertinent point." Dr. Starr chuckled. "Maybe just indulge her?"

"Not you too. Go right the report." Alex flicked her wrist at the other doctor. "And you," she pointed to Lena. "Tell me immediately if your pain increases. Or else."

Lena knows an empty threat when she sees one. She gives a half-shrug. "Sure. Now shall we?" She waves her good arm toward the door.

Alex grumbled under her breath and pushed her through the door. A certain satisfaction warmed Lena's heart. She'd won against Alex, which was not an easy feat.

The hallways outside the medical room were all a dull grey. The austere architecture painted this place as the DEO. Ah, so that was why she was under Alex's care.

"Lena?! Alex!" Kara skidded to a halt near the door to the control room. Lena can hear the voices of agents and machinery beyond it. "Oh gosh, should... should you be up? Are you okay, Lena? Do you feel any pain? Oh Rao, Alex, what if she's in pain?"

"Kara..." Alex started to say, irritation in her voice, but Lena cut her off.

"Kara, listen to me." Lena held up her hand. "I suggested this. Needed some fresh air. I'm fine. Honest." Yes, her pain has increased a bit, but honestly, she needed out of the medical room.

Plus, this served a dual purpose of showing Alex that perhaps she could go home to rest and do outpatient or whatever happens next for recovery.

Kara wrapped her hands around Lena's, holding it gingerly like she's glass. "Are... are you sure?" She looked so pathetic, that Lena relented.

"Kara, darling," Lena said, gently, "If we're going to get through this, I need you to trust me. Can you do that?"

Kara nodded. "Anything."

"Then trust me when I say I'm okay. Don't assume what I need. Always ask. Can you do that for me?"

"Yeah. Yeah. I can do that." A hint of relief coated Kara's voice.

Lena realized an important fact about Kara that day. When dealing with a situation Kara couldn't control, Kara needed tasks to do. Even simple ones worked.

She tested this hypothesis the next three days. Her conclusions confirmed her hypothesis correct. Kara truly did a lot better with tasks.

If there was one thing Lena excelled at, it was crafting a list of tasks. Whether she got them all done in a day? That was another story.

On the fourth day, Alex stopped in for the usual check-up. "So, you've really figured my sister out, huh?"

Lena studied Alex carefully, uncertain if the question was in good faith or not. "I'm reconciling all parts of her in my head. I can't say that means I have her figured out."

"No, I mean, you solved it." Alex gestured to the building beyond the medical ward. "She has calmed down by a million percent. I no longer feel the need to kick her off the planet twenty times a day."

Lena couldn't help but chuckle at the image of Alex's boot knocking Kara into orbit. "That annoying, huh?"

"God, yes. I get it, I do. You really scared us. All of us. Even Andrea Rojas has been in my business. And now Sam demands to know when she can visit." Alex scribbled her vitals onto the chart by her bed. "So now Kara is dealing with them. Using your phrases too. 'Don't assume, ask Lena.' I can actually do my duties for once."

"About Andrea and Sam..." Lena leaned back in the bed, fatigued by the act of sitting up. Which was incredibly annoying, but fine, that was her life now. "It's been a few weeks. How are you handling those businesses? I only spoke with Jess once."

"I'm not giving your phone back yet," Alex scolded. "I can't trust you with it. You'll try to solve world hunger or something."

"I was merely answering my emails and..."

"Nope, no work. You can't heal if you're working." Alex capped the marker and stuck it to the board.

Lena rolled her eyes. "Alex, I am dying of boredom. Answering emails won't kill me."

"You weren't though. You were heads deep in programming, and then wondering why your pain was so bad, you couldn't move for a whole day." Alex shook her head. "Can't trust you. And I'd like to."

The way she said those last few words had a seriousness that contrasted her slightly playful, scolding tone from earlier.

"How do I build up that trust then?"

"Prove to me you're serious about this." Again that sense the conversation had a double meaning. Something more than just her health. "I need to see you acknowledge your limits."

Lena frowned. "This conversation isn't just about me, is it?"

Alex put her hands on her hips, oddly similar to Supergirl, except Alex held far more authority in the stance. "Perceptive. Yes. I asked Kara about your confession. It wasn't easy. She finally told me everything. You put her in Kryptonite, Lena."

Lena looked at her hands. "I know," she said, softly, "I remember. I had hoped it wouldn't come to that. It's why I programmed in the sun burst."

"Which is great that you did that, but Lena, can I trust you to never trap Kara in Kryptonite again?"

Lena clenched her fists. "Yes." She met Alex's gaze, resolutely. "I love Kara, Alex. I recognize I fucked up. I lashed out exactly how Lex wanted. Played into his hands again. So as a big fuck you to my brother, I'm going to stick by Kara's side, and do what I can to aid her."

Alex studied her silently for a long moment. "Okay."

Lena raised an eyebrow. "Just okay?"

"Yes, just okay. Geesh, want a rambling speech, ask my sister." Alex walked to the door but paused, her hand on the doorknob. She looked back at Lena. "You're good for her, Lena. Kara has never been as happy than when she's with you. Please don't fuck this up."

"I thought you didn't do rambling speeches?" Lena smirked at Alex's raised middle finger.

"Oh, before I forget, you feel up to start physical therapy?"

"Is this where I prove to you I will honor my limits?" Lena asked dryly.

"You could say that. So a yes?" When she nodded, Alex smiled. "Great."

After the door shut, Lena sat in the semi-darkness and wondered if she could trust Kara and Alex. Could she trust any of them?

She raised her blankets and looked at her legs. They tingled now, but moving them caused pain bursts at the base of her spine. She didn't trust Lilian to help her with this. She did trust Sam, but after ghosting her and not answering her calls for months?

She dropped the blanket and laid down. She needed to trust them, and that scared her far more than any promise to a prickly sister of a Superhero. Trust was not something she did well. It tended to backfire on her, and yet, what else could she do?

Trusting no one but an AI had gotten her exactly nowhere. Other than more heartbreak and stuck in the medical ward, disabled from waist down for who knew how long. She truly did want to get better, but was she hiding from the world by half-assing this recovery?

Kara didn't know the extent of her treachery, or how she'd used the DEO to test the mind-control she'd uncovered from the Martian. Yes, that test had helped Andrea, but it also showed that her programming had a troublesome flaw. One she never quite ironed out. Hope's calculations had been her last ditch effort.

It led her to the same question that had haunted her since she woke up here: why were they helping her? Only her own paranoia answered that question, which wasn't helpful.

She closed her eyes and let the darkness of pain pull her out to sea.

***

When she next opened her eyes, the light was muted even further.

A person snored softly in the chair next to her bed. She turned her head to see Kara slumped there in jeans and a purple button-down shirt. Her blond hair spilled in loose ringlets around her face, and a book perched in her lap.

It was the book she'd been reading out loud to Lena: Poseidon's Wake, a fascinating science fiction romp about aliens, human's hubris, what constituted sentience, and sentient elephants.

On the table just behind Kara's chair, a vase with flowers sat with a card in front of it. She picked it up, the paper rough against her skin. Inside and decorating every page was kind 'get well soon' words from Nia, Brainy, Kelly, and all of Kara's friends.

The people she'd deceived in her single-minded quest of revenge. Her stomach twisted with nausea. The card slipped from her fingers to fall onto her stomach. A small card sat taped to the vase, and that one just read, "From Sam and Ruby."

She sucked in a sharp breath and winced at the pain in her left side.

Kara flinched and sat upright, her eyes blinking sleepily. "Lena?" She focused on her bed and smiled in relief. "Hey, how are you feeling?"

The question bubbled out of her before she could stop herself. "Why is everyone helping me?"

"What do you mean?" Kara reached up to fiddle with her glasses, but she wasn't wearing them so the gesture became tucking hair behind her ear instead.

"I deceived all of you. I hurt you." Lena's voice turned bitter. "Alex said she wants to trust me. That I'm good for you. I knew Kryptonite hurt you and I did it anyway. Why don't they all hate me? Why am I here?"

Kara shrugged. "The cage dropped as soon as you left. Then came your lovely sun bomb thing. I saw the code you used. You programmed that. So that means you never meant to hurt me. And I think you needed to get that all out. I -- I'm sorry it took me so long to understand. So, don't worry, it's okay."

"Okay? Just okay?" Lena couldn't believe her ears. "Kara, I need you to be honest. Why am I your 'exception' to your rules? Why is Alex giving me the shovel talk? What are we to each other?"

Kara sighed. Her fingers drummed against her knee. She took a deep breath and seemed to come to a decision. "Because I love you. I didn't realize how much until our fight. Until I almost lost you." She briefly closes her eyes. "I nearly lost myself to rage. Dunked myself in the ocean to try to calm down. And I couldn't let you die without telling you my last secret."

"Last secret? I -- I know you consider us friends..." Lena had heard Kara say 'love you' before, but this moment felt charged in a way the others did not.

She smiled, sadly. "It's not friendship love. Lena, I love you. Everything about you. I want to be with you in whatever way you'll have me. And if you don't want me around? Say the word and I'll vanish. Well, maybe still save you when needed but only in a professional way I guess."

"Be with me?" God, she was being a parrot again, but the words from Kara's mouth felt unreal. "You love me? And yet deceived me for years?"

Kara slumped in her chair and pulled at a thread on the cuff of her sleeve. "I'm sorry, Lena. I really am."

"Yes, you've said that many times," Lena said. She sighed and picked at her blanket.

For a long moment, she struggled against an absurd urge to cry. Fatigue lined her body and soul, and truthfully? She didn't want to fight Kara or enact revenge any more. Her retaliation hadn't helped her feel better; she'd felt worse instead.

No, maybe she should try the harder road. Talking. God, what would Lillian think of her now? She was going to discuss her feelings instead of of manipulating the universe.

"Did you ever trust me?" Seemed a good place to start.

"Yeah!" Kara nodded. "In most things, and I wanted to trust you about Supergirl. I just." She leaned her head back with a growl of frustration. "At first the DEO pressured me to tell no one, especially you. But then it became about me wanting to be just Kara with you."

"The whole not trusting yourself come into play there?"

Kara nodded. "I let others convince me that not telling you was good. That if I told you, I'd be selfish and ruin a good thing for you."

"Wait, did someone actually advise that?" Lena wrinkled her nose. "Because that's shit advice."

Kara winced. "Mon-el did."

"I see. From now on if someone says lying to me is better for me and honesty is selfishness, just punch them for me, okay?"

Kara blinked at her before bursting into laughter. "Oh Rao, okay, sure, I can definitely do that."

"Great." She imagined Kara punching Mon-el, and it definitely brought more satisfaction than anything she did the past few months. "Do you trust yourself now?"

"I..." Kara hunched down in her chair. "I don't know." She breathed out roughly and a piece of ice formed on her knee. She flicked it to the floor. "When I -- I found you? I lost myself in rage. I killed Rama Khan and his allies. I don't really regret it, but... can I trust myself? Because if you're hurt, I -- I probably should be restrained."

Just as she suspected, guilt threaded through Kara's voice. Lena shifted to the good side, her pain ever present a minor ache from the pain meds. "Will it help to know I trust you?"

Her own words surprised herself. And yet, it was true.

She did trust Kara.

Kara looked up and smiled faintly. "It does actually. I wasn't sure you ever would again."

"Kara, even when I was angry and hurting, I still trusted you with my life. My heart?" She ran a hand through her hair. It needed washing again, which meant asking the evening nurse for help, something she dreaded. "That I couldn't trust you with. But!" She held up a finger to stop Kara's words. She shut her mouth. "I think I'm ready to try. I know this won't be easy. We're both headstrong, but when I'm working with you, I'm a better person. I'd like to find that again."

Kara smiled, tears shining in her eyes. "You feel like home to me. I feel I'm a better person with you too. Even if I'm a bit dramatic about injuries." She rubs her hands on her jeans. "I just, I don't know. I was so worried."

"I know." Lena reached out and touched her wrist. "You've never had someone you love taking this long to recover. A rather intense introduction to mortality, eh?"

"You died for twenty seconds, Lena," Kara whispered.

"Are you focused on that or on the fact I'm alive?"

Kara tilted her head and stared at Lena. "What do you mean?"

Lena waved her hand impatiently, then winced. Her side ached at the movement. "If you focus on that fact and not on the present moment of me, recovering, then you become trapped in the past. You can't move forward, can't plan, and your actions become only reactions. Never a conscious, informed act."

"Oh." Kara tapped her fingers against her leg. "You know, that's a good point. Death has made you wise."

Lena shrugged. "Maybe. I need the reminder myself sometimes."

For a moment, both listened to the drip of the IV.

"I didn't have these powers on Krypton," Kara said suddenly, "I was just a normal kid, well, as normal as the first thirteen year old inducted into the Science Guild could be." A slight smile tinged her lips, but it faded into melancholy.

"You were a scientist?" It surprised her a little.

Kara nodded. "Bred to be so."

"Wait, I'm sorry, bred?"

Kara smiled. "The birth matrix is how we reproduced. It was very rare to have a natural birth like Kal's parents. Usually parents like to edit the child's genes. I was modeled to be a scientist like most of the El family."

Lena hummed thoughtfully. "I'd love to hear more about Krypton, Kara. If you'd like to share." She definitely had questions, though she' wasn't sure how best to ask.

"Thank you." Kara reached out to grasp her hand. "No one has every really said that to me?"

"Seriously?" Lena frowned. "Then consider the offer standing. Whatever you wish to share, I will listen."

"And the same for you. I want to hear what you have to say. Your thoughts. Hopes, dreams, random ideas, anything."

Lena smiles, but one last question still haunts her. "One last question. You've said 'just Kara' a lot. You've always been just Kara to me. Did you think I'd treat you differently if I knew?"

Kara winced visibly. "Yeah? Everyone does. I mean, look at Winn as an example. I wasn't just Kara to him anymore, and he became obsessed with superhero stuff. James knew thanks to Kal. Nia treats me as her superhero mentor. It's just over and over people failed to see me. They saw the cape, and either wanted to be like the cape --"

"James," Lena murmured, thinking of his guardian stunts.

"Or helping the cape. I wasn't just Kara, and I could be that with you, and it felt so good. Like coming home. It's why I can't stay away. I want to make this right, Lena." She yanked the thread free of the cuff. "So, uh, that's why I'll help you with your Myriad plan if you want."

"What?" Lena stared at Kara. "You don't know what it is yet."

Kara shrugged. "So? It's you. I want to help you no matter what. If I have to hang up the cape and go undercover to do it, then fine."

None of Kara's words made any sense to Lena. Her head ached again, and a faint scent of peaches wafted from the pain meds. She tried not to think of her legs.

"The project is dead," Lena said, flatly. "You might as well take Myriad back. It won't happen any time soon. Especially not with this." She waves a hand weakly toward her legs. "I can't feel them yet."

Kara reached over and grasped Lena's hand. The warmth sent a shiver down Lena's spine. "Then I'll help you recover. Whatever you need."

"Kara..." Lena sighs. "What if I hurt you again?"

"I hurt you first," Kara said. She winced, "I mean, not to make a contest of it. But yeah, we hurt each other. So that's a thing we did. But here we are, both of us alive despite it all. And yeah, we might hurt one another again, but I think you're worth it. You're beautiful, Lena, outside and inside. That hasn't changed. I want to work on us if you're game."

Lena recalled her words at the Fortress, said in anguish, "You don't get to tell me who I am anymore." But that had been a lie. She'd wanted so bad for things to be real with Kara. To be loved by Kara. To not have it all snatched away.

She'd wanted to fix it all, but it had not occurred to her she could just talk it through with Kara.

For several long minutes, she quietly breathed and sorted her thoughts. The pain simmered annoyingly, but she wasn't ready to sleep again. Not yet.

"This isn't easy for me," Lena said, carefully. She winced at the pain along her side, but she wanted to get this out. "I wanted to fix the pain. To somehow stop others from hurting one another."

"With your project?"

Lena sighed. "It doesn't matter. Hope was lost and she's needed to run the calculations. And would it have stopped the pain? I don't know. I didn't have time for proper tests. It wasn't ready, but Leviathan kept accelerated my timeline."

"So you sought to end all pain?" Kara tiled her head. "Isn't that kind of... mind control?"

Nausea swirled in Lena's stomach. Those words reminded her of Lex's journals, of his experiments, of his experiments on her. God, Lex really had played her, hadn't he? He knew she'd read his journals, knew she'd turn on Kara for her lies. "It's for the best," she whispered, "that it failed. Lex manipulating me by driving a wedge between us." She fiddles with the strings on the blanket's edge. "He has a habit of snatching away all the good in my life. He tried to destroy what we had. Like a fool I fell for it."

"No, well, maybe for a little while. But we're still here, and we're being honest." She lifted Lena's hand and gently kissed her knuckles. "I understand you might not believe me now, but I'll prove it."

Lena sighed. She wasn't sure what to say to that. The medicine dulled her thoughts, drew back the pain, but now fatigue corded through her body. "You already are. And I want to work on us too." "So where do we go from here?" Kara asked.

Where did they go from here indeed? She knew this was a stupid idea, that she shouldn't allow it, but with the Fortress fight, the assassin, almost dying, surgery, long recovery, and now this?

Lena weakly tugged on Kara's hand. "Ask me later. Right now... can -- can you hold me? I don't want to be alone." Her words came out small and shaky. This asking for things scared her as much as it thrilled her.

"Of course." Kara graced her with one of her winning smiles. She gently moved Lena just enough for her to slip onto the bed next to her. Her arms wrapped around Lena, and warmth embraced Lena from head to toe.

She buried her face in Kara's shirt, and breathed in her vanilla scent.

The anger and pain that had fueled her for months no longer simmered in her gut. Part of her feared giving Kara another chance, but at the same time, her traitorous heart shouted in relief at being in Kara's arms. The hurt hadn't full gone away, but its edges had softened.

"You've always been her exception," Alex had said.

Maybe starting tonight Kara could be her exception. Instead of more revenge plots or running, she'd stay and work on whatever this was between them. No matter how hard it became. Maybe someday soon she can say the words out loud, that she truly did love Kara.

Because even in the fires of hardship and pain, a rock could still become a gemstone.

Epilogue incoming

#supercorp #lena luthor #kara danvers #supergirl #kara zor el #Crisis does not exist in this fic because I didn't feel like dealing with it #Also as a disabled person the ending for this is sort of a guilty pleasure.#Thanks for reading!#cw supergirl #kara x lena #supergirl cw #There is an epilogue for some fluffy goodies after all that angst #I really wanted to give Lena some good conversations with Kara and Alex #Let me know your thoughts #eventually this will all go up on AO3

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arabaka · 10 months

Text

₊˚ʚ ☁️ ₊˚ ♡ ﾟ. content warnings ⤸ sfw. fluff + angst for the birthday boy! spoilers for chapter 236. 736 words. while i don't mind ageless/minors interacting with my sfw posts, do NOT follow if you do not have your age in bio.

₊˚ʚ ☁️ ₊˚ ♡ ﾟ. author's note ⤸ maxine voice from russian doll: sweet birthday baby!!! i had this sitting around in my drafts and honestly been going through it so... we love-self care. also peep the httyd quote B)

He’s already seen everyone else (Suguru, Nanami, Haibara, and Yaga) but there’s still some unfinished business for the strongest, the ill-fated, Gojo Satoru.

After all, it’s a long known fact that Gojo Satoru really died when you did.

“Well,” Gojo stands, dusting off his uniform pants, “Gotta go.”

“Leaving so soon?” Geto asks with a knowing smirk.

“Yeah. Got a date, ya’ know.”

Of course, you’d reunite at an airport terminal of all places. The staple location for every cheesy rom-com movie, where the twist is that both lovers are dead.

What can you say; spending even just a few years in limbo will round out the humor in you.

But it’s also perfect, in its own way. How many rom-coms did you watch with him that had this exact scene in them? How many times had you recreated those corny, predictable scenes anytime you had to travel with sincerity because between the two of you… One couldn’t really live without the other.

Maybe there really is something to this airport effect.

You’re both running so fast, desperate to leave all the time you spent apart in the past.

Gojo sweeps you off your feet, somehow staying grounded on his despite the boom of excitement between the two of you. Your giggles make him giggle and it’s like you were never apart.

When you kiss, he remembers what it felt like when he really had someone to keep living for.

The memories don’t stop there: a dam of his own making cracks under the pressure before splitting apart entirely. It still hurt to reminisce on those times you shared, even after all those years it never got any better. But with you back in his arms, the experiences have been returned to their original glory. Their original joy.

He can see them all so clearly.

The look of annoyed disgust you gave him when you met as first-years at Jujutsu High: he never did let you live down your initial distaste for him and you never let him forget why you gave him that look in the first place. But it sure as hell didn’t stop you two from sneaking off to make out when you should have been practicing.

The gleam in your eyes when he told you I love you for the first time: you had cried right after and had him thinking he did something wrong but you more than made up for it when you tackled him to the ground, sobbing “I love yous” right back.

The warmth of your arms when he’d wake up screaming the nights following the first time he’d lost Suguru: he never could thank you enough for giving him such a perservering comfort.

He’s seeing it all: graduation, birthdays, holidays…

A flash of you and him in the bed you shared, in the apartment you two called home, and the night he proposed… How you said yes before he could even finish the sentence.

And that's where it ends because you'd be gone before the two of you could even announce your engagement.

Gojo never loved after you, didn’t even try to find someone else because no one could ever come close to you.

Now here you are, in his arms again… Where you belong. He kisses you over and over again with the fervor of a man starved, Gojo desperate to reacquaint himself with the way you taste and feel.

“I was beginning to think you forgot about me.” You tease, arms looped tenaciously around his neck; you aren’t letting go this time.

“Pft- You? Never, baby.” His lips skirt yours, “You don’t know how much I’ve missed this.”

Gojo makes you laugh. He always could.“I think I have an idea.” You chuckle, your eyes crinkling as you smile.

“Let me look at you.” You both say at the same time, falling in love with each other all over again.

With an air of remorse and his pretty blues saturated with sadness, Gojo whispers, “You’re as beautiful as the day I lost you.” His heart still aches like it's become a muscle memory. “I should’ve–”

“Hey.” Your hands firmly grasp his face, “Stop that.” You give him a good shake with that determined look in your eyes he's longed for all these years. “We're together again. I don't know for how long or what comes next but… For better or worse, right?”

“For better or worse.” Gojo agrees and for the first time in a long time he smiles without guilt, thinking to himself:

“I’m hoping this isn’t a dream.”

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girlsneedff · 5 months

Text

Tetris player!Chosou x f!reader (NSFW!!)

Minors and ageless bios please dni

Mating press, slight Tetris! babble, established relationship, breeding (slightly)

Author’s yap: ok ok so I basically sat and watched this Tetris tournament on TikTok and I got inspired… possibly one of the more unserious things I’ve written, but that’s ok!!

————

Tetris! is boring as shit.

How could someone sit there in front of a rickety old 8-bit, shitty quality game and have fun for hours? It was stupid.

Well, that was before you started dating an 8-time Tetris! champion. Now the game is absolutely amazing- a Heaven sent.

Chosou Kamo’s a man of few words. Even when he finally mustered up the courage to ask you out (you were in the same humanities class), it went like this:

“Hello, we- ………date?” The blush saturated his cheeks as he twiddled his thumbs while remaining eye contact.

Oh, those thumbs.

He’s cute, and you’ve been ogling him a bit (a lot) during class, so of course you took up his offer, regardless of how ill-planned it was.

Next thing you know, you’re at his place- always watching him prep for a tournament he’s competing in. Whether it’s an actual controller or on his pc- he practices for hours- at least 3. His hair is in his usual messy pigtails as he chews the inside of this right cheek.

Next Tetrimino is an O- he moves that to the left-most end of the field. Then it’s a T- he flipped it so it fits nicely into this little slot he had created with some past pieces. He gets an I- his face lights up as he gleefully moves it to the right-most end of the field, sliding it into the perfect position and boom: Tetris!

A line of 4 disappears with this completion, and the game continues, his fingers moving at rapid paces to keep up. His eyes flicker to you, to make sure that you saw his victory, then back to the game.

You must admit, when he first told you he was a multi-time Tetris! winner, you damn near laughed at him. You wouldn’t do it in his face- but you definitely have scoffed thinking about it before.

“Hi- oh yea this is my boyfriend. Oh what does he do? Well he’s a Tetris! Champion!”

Your peers would look at you sideways.

But you couldn’t give a rat’s ass what they think now. You’d scream it from the rooftops actually. He’s made you scream a lot more embarrassing things than that.

You owe Tetris! your sex life. Truly. In your vows, you might give Tetris! a shoutout. Because the way that this man knows how to work his fingers- it’s unnatural. How he works his everything- jeez he’s Heaven sent.

————

“Baby, I need an opponent.”

You sit up to look at your boyfriend. He’s sitting in his gaming chair, still working away at Tetris, while you lie on his bed, scrolling on his phone.

“Why don’t you call up your frien-”

“Play with me.”

You freeze. This was the first time he’s ever brought this up. You’ve been coming over for 4 months now, and never once had he asked you to play with him.

“You know I don’t really know anything about Tetris!, right?”

“I’ll teach you. I just need to practice for tomorrow against somebody. It will help get me in the mood.”

It sure as hell did help him get in a mood. Sitting in his lap, he hands you his other console, makes sure you’re ok, and presses play. His console rests on your lap, while you hold yours up a bit.

…

And he lost.

…

Because how the flying fuck did you two end up on the bed?

Lock down: When a Tetrimino is put into a place where it’s no longer moveable. Kinda like how you are now.

Choso supports himself on your bent thighs with knees damn-near touching your ears as he towers above you, sweaty strands of hair still sticking to his face as he keeps eye contact. There’s no possible way you could escape this- even if you wanted to.

Then, he does his next signature move: Hard Drop. When a player drops a Tetrimino right into Lock Down from its starting position- no alterations.

Well, save for the fact that he had you line him up with your cunt, he’s by the book.

Who knew that Tetris! players would be so good at multitasking? With every stroke, he plays with your clit like he’s moving pieces- this Tetris!-junkie really doesn’t quit. He keeps it at a steady pace, steady force. All the way to left field- down. In the middle- he lets it wait for a little bit before he moves it to the right and down. It’s dizzying.

The way his dick is stretching you, and how his lithe fingers work to bully your clit into submission, you felt like you were levitating.

Then he starts fucking drawing the Tetriminos on your clit. You swear you’re actually in Heaven, the angels singing choruses of Tetris! hymns and praises while perched upon fluffy white cumulus clouds. Your mouth is in a permanent “O” position.

He definitely felt you clench around him- he lets out a breathy moan- louder than the noises he was already making. He has an airy type of grit in his voice every time you have sex- one of the many things that you love about this man.

Chosou leans close to your right ear, deepening the position as he speaks:

“Z, I, L, O, J…”

Before you know it you’re creaming- babbling random nonsense that you definitely don’t remember, but definitely know it was embarrassing. Cumming from him saying letters? How pathetic. But you don’t give a goddamn fuck.

You dig your fingers into your own flesh, since you were propping yourself up properly.

Chosou kisses your cheek and your neck as he continues to fuck you through your high.

He finally succumbs to his own desire, pumping everything that he has inside you with a soft, yet kind of whiny moan.

From that moment onwards, you vowed that you will never disrespect Tetris! again.

#jjk #choso x black y/n #choso my beloved #smut #fluff #jjk x reader #choso x reader #choso x you #jjk x you #jjk x fem!reader

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sadie-bug345 · 6 months

Note

Ok so can I maybe get greasers headcanons with an absolute academic weapon s/o (think Rory Gilmore/annabeth chase/Devi Vishwakumar) who’s parents like make them get all A’s and they are very Ivy League bound, always dressing in blazers/looking very sharp and corporate and super ambitious? (Probs academic rivals with pony lowkey 💀) Thanks so much lmao I think Dallys is going to be 🔥🔥

YESSS 🫶🫶 i myself am an academic weapon🧐(JK LMAO ap physics has made me lose my will to live) ANYWAYS

ponyboy:

yall are actually so cute together ngl

like you guys study for tests together and do hw together

cause you guys are in the same honors classes and stuff

some days pony will get cocky and be like “i’m so much better than you at bio” or smth like that (🙄)

and then you guys get into competitions to see how many times you can get correct answers in class it’s actually crazy

everyone else in class is like 😟 LMAOO

sodapop:

soda is a little on the dumber side😭

im sorry i feel like its canon that he’s a lil slower

WHICH IS OK

but he’ll try and watch you do hw and then get bored like instantly

that or confused

he always says “i was good at math til they added letters🤓☝️”

and you’re just like🥱

LMAO you guys are good for each other tho

cause you convince him to prioritize some form of learning

and he helps you let loose

johnny:

he is honestly really sweet🫶

like understanding when you turn down hangouts cause you got final exams and you cram like crazy

but he also loooves just chilling in your room while you do homework

his catchphrase is “just ask the teacher tomorrow, man”

and you’re just like “🧍‍♀️ it’s a friday night”

anyways he’s just really supportive and proud when you come back with all As on your report card🙏😜🤩

darry:

HE GETS IT

he is real supportive

hes all abt that grind as we know PLUS he canonically gets on pony for his grades

so he’s glad that he don’t gotta worry at all abt that for you

he’s so proud and happy when you get a good score on a test you were worried about and yall go on a lil date night🫶🙏

dally:

he couldn’t care less i’m sorry😭🥱

like DONT GET ME WRONG

hes secretly like super impressed and proud to have a smart asf s/o

but he gets butthurt when you blow him off cause you got a test tomorrow and you’re going to bed early

dal never really had the internal motivation to actually put stuff into school so he just doesn’t get it

whenever you try and include him w your studying/homework he tries to help w flashcards

and whenever you get the answer right and it’s super specific he’s just like 😟

and you’re like “right?” and he’s like “…yeah”

MY GUY IS SCARED cause he knows you could just totally destroy him intellectually🧐

also cause he’s scared you’ll realize you’re too good for him

but its okay 🫶🫶

two-bit

he thinks school is boring like bruh is a total super duper senior just for the friends but the academics

BRO CLOCKS OUT

meanwhile it’s like a major part of your life

hes really impressed

whenever you get some academic award he’s always like “WOOOOOO”

LMAO

you guys have really funny fake arguments

which you destroy him in

youre just like “that’s a fallacy…and that’s a fallacy…bandwagon”

boom roasted asf

steve:

you tutor him kinda on yiur school subjects

yk the study method where you explain a concept to someone else to help you remember it?

you do that for him but he’s just like 😀🧍‍♂️

“and that’s pretty much what mitosis is!”

and hes like ”…i’m glad😀”

LMAOOO

he’ll also try and teach you abt cars and car parts

which is just a bit of a struggle🤏😀

TYSM FOR REQUESTING🤩 my inbox is open! i’m really trying to get to everyone’s and some take more thought for me to plan than others so sorry if they take a while🥰🤪‼️

#dallas winston #dallas winston x reader #the outsiders #matt dillon #the outsiders sodapop #johnny cade #johnny cade x reader #ponyboy curtis #ponyboy curtis x reader #darry curtis #darry curtis x reader #steve randle #steve randle x reader #two bit x reader #two bit mathews #outsiders

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xbruised-peachx · 1 year

Note

could i get some soft gromsko hcs 🥺 sorry i keep seeing ones where hes a misogynist (untagged so it triggers me from a past relationship) and i much prefer your interpretation where he's caring but still confident

Aww 🫂🫂🫂 I'm sorry Anon, I'm actually in the same boat as you, my bad relationship ended exactly a year ago so yeah.

Everyone's allowed to have their own interpretation and all that fun stuff but I absolutely agree, I can't see him like that. Talking to my Polish friends about it, it's just not his generation and it's a very tired trope of "misogynistic, loud slavic man" they are not too happy seeing. For me, it's almost a bit of an American trope that is "loud and boisterous=asshole", which I dislike as he has multiple lines IN GAME that shows him as caring and you know... nice (ex. Czasami trzeba się poświęcić dla innych (sometimes you must sacrifice yourself for others), You're not dying yet!, Trzymać się (hold on) the surgeon is coming, I was proud to fight with you!, I am your wingman, etc). Not to mention you know... HE'S A MEDIC or at the very least "extensive medical training" as stated in his bio.

So yeah, I'll happily give you some nice, loud and proudly in love Gromsko headcanons, Anon💚

Tags: fem!reader, pure tooth rotting fluff, alcohol mention for the last point

Gromsko always has his arm around you in public. He wants the world to know how lucky he is to have you. He still has some slight guilt in his head about showing PDA from getting glares from various babcias back home, but he can't help it when he sees you, beautiful eyes looking back at him with such adoration. He has to show it back somehow.

Often, he'll just settle for hand holding (before marriage? Scandalous) as you guys walk around. He'll watch you as you interact with employees, you asking for help as his thumb runs over your knuckles, running along the back of your hand. Even if you get nervous talking to employees, his touch reminds you he's right there if you need him, and that he's more than willing to help if needed.

You getting disrespected sets him off in a whole new way. Instantly, he'll step in front, asserting his height advantage he often has, looking down at them with contempt that they would even dare speak to you like that. "Want to repeat that?" His voice coming out as low and threatening, booming around the room. When they inevitably leave you both alone, his attention goes right back to you, gently cupping your face as you look up to him as he asks if you're okay. You smile and nod, telling him a soft thank you. You can practically see his heart melt as he looks back, eyes softening and a gentle smile on his face, taking your hand and continuing like nothing happened.

Though he learned some cooking from his grandma, he has fond memories of watching Robert Makłowicz with his mom during weekends, making the recipes for dinner. When he found out Makłowicz has a YouTube channel, the two of you went on a deep dive for hours, cuddling on the couch and him translating for you when he started laughing or just said something nice, and thought it'd be nice to share. He also showed a few older clips, particularly this one of him and a dog and now the two of you have the little inside joke going "EHEHEHEHE" at small, cute things.

He often cooks for you, even wanting to take care of you like that as well. He doesn't mind the help but he takes quite a bit of pride in his cooking. He loves when you come up behind and just hug him while he's at the stove. For him, that plus you smiling as you eat a meal from him is the greatest reward.

Every injury is an emergency to him, often taking huge precautions even for little things. The house is never out of band-aids or antibiotic ointment. Even stubbing your toe will have him running out of whatever room he's in, stopping what he's doing to make sure you're okay.

He is the best to have around during the time of the month. He'll make some good iron rich foods, but still get you whatever snacks you want. He may want to take care of you physically but he knows part of health is mental too, and that he can't force something on you when you are craving something else. He makes sure heating pads are ready along with a nice comfortable spot in bed. He isn't overbearing though, as he knows sometimes you just need space. He knows that when you need him, you'll let him know. Often you have fallen asleep, head in his lap with a heated stuffed animal hugged to your chest. He'll carry you to the much more comfortable bed with ease, watching you at peace with a smile on his own face as he'd go back, cleaning up any snack wrappers in the living room, turning off any electric heating pads that might have been left on. He may join you for a nap eventually, but he'll leave you at peace for now.

Being used to waking up for the military, he wakes up before you, and he really doesn't mind. The warm glow of the sun rising as your lips are parted, gently breathing. His arm around you, he can feel the gentle rise and fall, your heart beat calm against him. He could look at you like this for hours, going back in forth in his head questioning how he got so lucky but also not wanting to question it, instead to just enjoy this quiet morning. Birds chirping, he wants to get up and make some coffee for you but he doesn't want to leave you in this moment... not now or ever.

He loves animals... all of them. Often, if he sees a random animal in the street, he'll call out to it instinctively in Polish, often leaving a poor hedgehog stunned in the streets, unsure what to do about this giant heading towards them. He loves going to the shelter with you, seeing big dogs go from barking to wagging their tail, wanting to get out to play, and going to cat rooms to sit for a while, playing with all the cats, young and old. Old cats flock to him like no other and he always imitates their crispy meows. Seeing him hold a kitten that easy fits in his hands, curling up into a ball as he holds it against his broad chest, gently petting its head with two of his fingers... it warms your soul.

He is a very affectionate drunk. He'll be stumbling down the streets, goofy grin on his face as he hugged on you for balance. If any even breathes in your direction, positive or negative, he'll be calling out to them, "HEJ! To moja dziewczyna... GO!" (Hey, that's my girlfriend) You often end up apologizing to whoever it is, his slurred speech being the answer for why. When you get home he'll often just keep repeating how beautiful you are while snuggled in your chest for once. Looking up at you, you see that look of disbelief in his eyes, but quickly returning to just bliss as he remembers you belong to each other. Snoring like a bear buried deep, he knows absolute comfort knowing you'll be there for each other for the inevitable hangover the next morning.

#call of duty #call of duty modern warfare #cod mw2 #gromsko #gromsko mw2 #ask peach #gromsko x reader #sobiesław kościuszko x reader #sobiesław kościuszko #call of duty x reader #mw2 x reader #cod x reader #grom writing

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nyxfleuret · 7 months

Text

Kenji (Rush Hour 3) X F!Reader

|18+| MINORS AND THOSE WITHOUT AGE IN BIO, PLEASE DNI!

Warnings: smut (lmao), breeding kink (kinda), daddy kink (kinda too lol), swearing and a little surprise in the end.

Word count: 1770

|Author's note: I had to write about him. I just remembered the existence of Rush Hour 3 and I went to google and searched for cast and then, BOOM! HIROYUKI SANADA IS IN THE MOVIE! So I went like: Yeah gurl, go for it! I mean, I didn't see anyone writing for him so I had to do it. Lmao, I'm sorry, I hope you all enjoy it.|

"Soon, Lee will be here with Genevieve and this will all be over, don't worry." Kenji said, stroking your chin with the gentle touch of his fingers as he adjusted his black shirt beneath the white suit he was wearing.

You were tied to a chair by ropes, looking around to try to find a way out that wasn't the elevator door, failing miserably.

Yes, you were trapped inside the Jules Verne restaurant, inside the Eiffel Tower, which luckily for Kenji, that day, was empty.

The view from up there was wonderful, nothing could compare to it, but none of that relieved the tension you were feeling.

Kenji's idea was to use you to bring Lee and Genevieve to the restaurant, getting 'Shy Shen' back.

His henchmen had found you in Los Angeles, trying to escape to the airport but little did you know it was too late.

Without meaning to, Lee and Carter got you into this mess and now, you didn't know how to get out of it.

"Good girl." Kenji smirked, raising an eyebrow as his piercing gaze met yours. However, you felt chills and a slight warmth in your belly, making you sigh and look at him with your fearful look, but with a touch of... lust.

It was very strange to feel that way about someone who (maybe) wanted to kill you, maybe it was that 'Stockholm Syndrome'.

You don't remember the last time you saw someone as attractive as Kenji or who made you feel that way, but one thing was for sure: This felt so good.

These sensations did not go unnoticed by Kenji, who soon began to take advantage of the situation, teasing you.

"It seems that my little kitty liked being called a good girl, if she continues to behave she will receive a very good reward." He got closer to your face, his warm breath fanning against your cheek before he leaned in and placed a gentle kiss on it.

You sighed again, trying to shake off the feelings you had for him but deep down, you knew you couldn't do that.

One of Kenji's men knocks on the door and they enter, speaking in Mandarin as he warns his boss that Lee has been spotted with 'Genevieve' somewhere far away from the city, which means they are already on their way.

While the two were talking, you see a switchblade on the table, close to where you were and silently, you reach behind your back to try to pick up the object.

"Thank you, withdraw." Kenji waves his hand in the air as the man retreats, leaving the two of you alone again. He realizes what you were trying to do and then looks at you with that same penetrating gaze, making you stop in the middle of the action.

"Tsk Tsk Tsk." Kenji shakes his index finger, taking the switchblade with his other hand and placing it in his suit pocket. "Bad girl...I think you need to learn a lesson."

You swallowed hard, looking at the tall, slender man in front of you, his gaze dropping down to look at your form, your curves.

"I think I'm going to have to punish my kitten." Kenji licked his lips erotically, almost making you choke on your own saliva. He untied the ropes that were holding you to the chair, lifting you by the collar of your shirt and positioning you in front of the table, your covered breasts meeting its icy surface.

"Daddy will teach you a lesson." He smiles pretentiously, caressing your jeans-covered ass with both of his hands, his breathing getting heavier by the minute.

You self-consciously rub your ass against the erection already visible in the white pants he was wearing, yearning for more.

“Please…” You breathe heavily, increasing the pressure of your rubbing.

"Please what?" Kenji slaps one of your cheeks, giving it a squeeze soon after.

"P-Please, I-I...I need you to fuck me." You lower your head, resting the weight of your body on your forearms.

"There was one little thing left to say, dear." He slaps your cheek again hard, but this time, caressing it.

"I need you to fuck me, daddy!" You sigh, arching your back after feeling Kenji rubbing himself against you.

"Good girl." He kisses your right cheek, tucking a strand of hair behind your ear.

Kenji unbuttons the belt of your pants, lowering them and finding your completely wet panties as he makes small circles on your clit with his index and middle fingers, spreading the wetness there and receiving light moans from you.

At that moment, words couldn't be uttered by you, your brain started to fail, only focusing on the pleasure that Kenji was giving you.

You were still in that same position, supporting your body on your forearms while your forehead was in contact with the cold table material, heavy sighs leaving your mouth as you tried to control yourself in the Japanese man's presence.

Kenji stopped and pulled down your panties, finding your wet pussy as a mischievous smile forms on his face.

"You're already so wet...And I haven't even started." Kenji opens up more space, separating your cheeks with both hands and licks a strip, leaving trails of saliva along the way.

"Oh shit." Surprised, you moan loudly and your legs start to feel wobbly as you try to compose yourself.

Kenji caresses the soft pubic hair of your pussy, placing light kisses on your intimate area before licking two fingers and penetrating you with them, at the same time working with his tongue, pumping them at the same time.

You turn around, laying your back on the table, arching it as Kenji continues licking and penetrating you with his fingers, feeling you close against his fingers.

"Shit...I'm coming..." You moan and grip the edges of the table, feeling your orgasm reaching its peak. You cum on his fingers and tongue, which continues working on your pussy in an attempt not to waste any drops of your juices.

He moves his face away from your intimacy, looking into your eyes as he lifts his two fingers and takes them to his mouth, licking and sucking them, closing his eyes as if enjoying your taste.

"Mmmm, nothing compares to this." He opens his eyes and smiles at you, giving you a little wink. You look at him, blushing a little as you breathe heavily, feeling him come closer and give you a passionate kiss, making you taste yourself.

When he breaks the kiss, a string of saliva connects between your lips, soon to be broken by Kenji with his tongue.

"Not over yet." Kenji caresses the inner part of your thigh, separating your two legs, exposing your intimacy. He starts by taking off his white suit, throwing it on the floor, unbuttoning the black shirt that was underneath, then taking it off, giving a view of his toned chest and finally, he unbuttons his belt and the buttons on his pants, lowering them. and showing the bulge still present inside his black boxers.

Your eyes can't look at anything other than his clothed dick, which is already dripping with pre-cum, visible in the wet spot at the top of his boxers.

Kenji pulled down his underwear, his dick popping out, full of veins and having little hair at its base, which in a way, gave beauty to his figure.

There was no denying it, that man was simply perfect in your eyes.

"Kenji...I don't think it will fit." You swallow hard, not looking away for even a second.

"Don't worry princess, I'll make it fit." He spits into his hand and starts pumping his cock, steady movements up and down, as he rubs the tip of his cock at your entrance.

"Ready?" He asks as you nod, preparing yourself for what would come next.

He rubs himself against her pussy for a few more seconds and then slowly enters, giving your vagina time to accommodate his large bulge.

You moan and look at him, feeling the caress he made on your cheek, in an attempt to ease your pain. It hurt a lot, but you knew that with time, you would get used to it.

Kenji started with light, gentle movements, not wanting to rush anything. He knew it wouldn't take much longer for Lee to arrive and so he thought about what his adoptive brother would think if he saw him in this position.

The thought excited him, turning him on. The man pulled your shirt over your head, meeting your bare breasts.

"No bra? I didn't know you were that naughty." Kenji smiles and laughs lightly as he takes one of your nipples into his mouth and caresses the other with one hand, holding your waist with the other, receiving more of her moans.

The sounds that came out of your mouth were music to his ears. It was clear that he was experienced and had already slept with other women, but NONE could compare to you, your beauty, your moans, everything about you was perfect for him.

He moves away from your breasts and starts giving harder thrusts, making your breasts bounce with each thrust.

"Nngh...I'm going to come again." You close your eyes, your mouth opening again to let out more moans as Kenji approaches your neck, his warm breath hitting your skin and finishing with kisses and hickeys on your neck.

"Wait for me, I'm coming too, princess..." He smiles and moves away from your neck, finishing with one last, stronger thrust, spilling his hot, dense seed inside you, both of you reaching the peak.

He caresses your belly, kissing your cheek again and letting out a light laugh.

"If I die tonight, I will die happy knowing that there will be someone to carry on my legacy." He caresses your neck and his gaze is no longer penetrating but full of love. "I love you."

"I love you too." You kiss him, happy with what had just happened. You didn't know how you got there, but you didn't even care, since your goal from now on, the only focus on your mind, was to continue Kenji's lineage.

"Holy crap." Lee interrupts the moment, looking at the two of you in shock.

"Oh, looks like we traumatized someone." Kenji laughs.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

(POOR LEE LMAO)

Thanks for reading!

#hiroyuki sanada #dayuuuuuuummmmmm #because i can #because he is #so hot omg #kenji hiroyuki sanada #kenji rush hour #rush hour 3 #kenji x reader #kenji (rush hour) x reader #oh no #hes hot #villain x reader

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the-whispers-of-death · 3 months

Text

This is an 18+ Only Blog! Minors & ageless blogs will be blocked!! Do not interact if you're a minor or don't have an age in your bio/pinned post!!

A/N: Reader is written as male reader considering it later describes you as a "wanted man", but this can be read as gender neutral because there's no other indication of your gender. (This might change later on, if I decide to continue with adding onto this drabble, in which case Reader's gender will be more clear in the potential next parts.)

Imagine living in a dystopian world and the 141 is a known rebellion, looking to topple the tyrannical government once and for all. And imagine you do something to piss off said government.

So now you're running through the crowded streets, weaving in and out of people, trying to lose the city guards that are gaining on you. You did something so simple, yet here you are, being hunted down like a high-level criminal.

You near the edge of the city, knowing that if you just make it to the woods, the city guards won't follow you. And while the woods are scary and you've never been in them, they must be better than seeing the inside of an unregulated prison.

Safety is so close, you can just taste it. See it.

And then you stumble on a loose cobblestone, falling hard onto the ground.

No, no, no, you think as panic overtakes you as you try your best to get up as quickly as possibly only to fail and still be on the ground. You can hear the city guards run faster, knowing that this is their chance to take hold of you.

It'd be so easy, no one else is going to help you. They're all just staring at the commotion, this would be the highlight of their boring day.

Just when your panic hits its peak, a large figure pushes through the crowd and takes you by the hand. He lugs you up onto your feet and barely lets you gain your footing before pulling you along, both of you running towards the woods.

As you two pass the border of the city and into the woods, you don't stop running despite hearing the city guards stop short at the border. You two just keep running and running.

Until you get to a riverbed, the sound of the water rushing beside you joining the sounds of your heavy breaths. As soon as you two arrive, the man lets go of your hand and you take the time to get a better look at him.

And what you see shocks you.

You see the man wearing a white skull and black balaclava that you know so well from seeing on wanted posts. You take in the massive muscles he has, muscles you've heard he uses in battle so often, if the stories are to believe. You know this man and what they call him, because he's a legend.

"You're Ghost," you murmur in awe, looking at him with wide eyes. You watch him turn to you, short puffs of air coming from him as his brown eyes drill holes into your face.

Ghost nods, grunting gruffly. "I am he. And I am also your savior," he says, his voice dry as always.

You raise an eyebrow at that wording, but he did save you, so you don't comment on it. "Thank you, I really thought I'd end up in prison. I'll just be out of your hair then." You move to turn away, content to part ways with your knight in shining armor.

"Ah, no. You don't get to leave," Ghost replies, his booming voice making you stop in your tracks. His eyes twinkle when you turn back to face him. "I saved you and the least you can do to repay me is to join the rebellion. You already must've done something out of the norm to cause the city guards to chase you, you might as well embrace your life as a wanted man."

You can't deny that it would be better if you stuck with Ghost and the 141, simply because you don't know life outside of the ordered world you were living in before. It'd be nice to learn how to take care of yourself.

"Alright, fine. But I'm only doing this to repay you for saving me. I don't really believe in your cause," you say, still a little hesitant to trust the rebellion you've been told was absolutely horrible.

Ghost's eyes crinkle underneath his mask, clearly smiling under there. "Oh don't you worry, you'll see the truth. Eventually."

Separator made by @une-femme-de-lettres

I had a dream for a book about a dystopian world and then when eating breakfast I thought, what if I placed Reader and the 141 in a dystopian world? So here is what was going through my mind during breakfast.

Reblogs are welcomed & appreciated! Asks are open, feel free to pop in and request something! (Check the rules in "Rules for Requesting NSFW" before requesting.)

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mama-qwerty · 4 months

Note

a curious question I want to ask you, what do you think of a au where Eclipse was raised alongside Shadow and Maria on the Ark and Eclipse's creation was sort of a power balance between the ultimate lifeform in Project Shadow also what do you think of the sibling dynamic with Maria, Shadow and Eclipse be like?

Oh, that's an interesting question.

I could see Eclipse being the weapon Black Doom wanted Gerald to make in the first place. Maybe the Black Arms scientists don't have an adequate 'imagination' to create a bio-weapon, so BD enlisted the help of Gerald to do so. Gerald used full strength Black Arms DNA to create Eclipse, and the darkling is essentially exactly what BD wanted in Shadow.

Shadow, however, was Gerald's pet project. He snuck a teeny bit of Black Arms DNA and merged it with the DNA from a quill he found on one of his off-world expeditions, and ba-da-bing, ba-da-boom, Shadow was born. He was meant to be Maria's protector, her savior, her emotional support animal. And he performed exactly as Gerald wanted. The unlimited chaos energy and other powers were secondary and a little unexpected, honestly.

Shadow and Maria are thick and thieves, always together and learning and snuggling and sharing an emotional bond stronger than any Gerald had seen before. He's so pleased with himself for Shadow's success.

Eclipse . . . doesn't understand it. Black Arms are not known for their emotional attachments, or their need for connection past the hive mind link that delivers orders. But Eclipse doesn't have a hive mind link. He's separated enough from the Comet that he hasn't connected to it, and thus, is alone. Gerald makes sure to keep him separated from Shadow and the rest of the Ark, because he's a product created specifically for BD. And maybe Gerald's having a little moral dilemma for creating something that could pose a threat to Earth and everything he holds dear.

So Eclipse spends his days alone in the lab. Enduring test after test. He watches the comings and goings, but ultimately doesn't know how to feel regarding all this.

And maybe Maria and Shadow sneak into the lab one night, after everyone else has gone to bed. And they sit before Eclipse's tank. Maybe Shadow can hear Eclipse's thoughts, and tries to reach out to him, let him know he's not alone.

And Eclipse's eyes snap open at the first feel of Shadow's thoughts in his mind. The two stare at each other, sending messages back and forth, while Maria looks on, keeping watch to make sure they're not caught.

Maybe this becomes a nightly ritual for them, and soon the all become closer. Maria and Shadow reach out to Eclipse, trying to include him in games and fun things. As much as they can, anyway.

And Eclipse starts to understand this connection. This need for companionship. This desire to form bonds with others.

And the three become close.

Then Black Doom arrives to retrieve his weapon.

Gerald tries to buy time. "It's not ready," he claims. "I'm still running tests." BD doesn't buy it and orders his warriors to attack, to take that which he deemed created in his name. The Ark is overrun. Maria and Shadow try to get Eclipse out of there, but they can't. Maria is injured, and Shadow drags her to the escape pod. She shoves him in instead, insisting that he's the only one who can stop the Black Arms, should they get to Earth. She sends him away.

Eclipse finds Maria as she's hidden herself in a dark corner. She's fading, and he sits with her as she draws her last breath.

Eclipse looks toward the chute where Shadow's pod was ejected. The warriors are coming. He gently lays Maria down, and leaps through the ejection tube, heading down to Earth to find his brother.

#ask me #toonartist's stuff #eclipse the darkling #shadow the hedgehog #maria robotnik

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screampied · 5 months

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How did you made your username pink😭😭😭 and also how did you made power:its getting weird now two different colors 😭😭😭😭 you truly are the theme queen 🤧🤧🤧🤧

hi thank you so mauch omg 🙇‍♀️🙇‍♀️💓

sureeeee id love to help, it’s kinda hard to explain so i hope i don’t miss anything :')

to start off -> you’ll want to be on tumblr browser, i don’t think you can do it on the app (you can / js not the copy pasting the code)

so on the browser (i’m doing the mobile method btw not on laptop but it applies as the same) click the icon near the top left first

then once all the other stuff comes up / your blog(s), settings, etc + scroll down to where it says Blog settings

scroll down until it says this (custom theme) -> you’re gonna wanna click Edit theme

this is the tricky part bc codes r so 🙄 to deal with but i got you !! so immediately it’s gonna show you this — go to where it says description

that’s my entire bio as you can see -> the “it’s getting weird now” for reference the entire thing i have is :

<p><a href="https://youtu.be/Bt8dxSAZRW0?si=_v7VBeiDSIeOrHXi"> #𝐏𝐎𝐖𝐄𝐑:</a> 𝐈𝐓'𝐒 𝐆𝐄𝐓𝐓𝐈𝐍' 𝐖𝐄𝐈𝐑𝐃 <a href="https://youtu.be/dFlDRhvM4L0?si=g7r7EfoEFGT0SIP2">𝐍𝐎𝐖</p>

the code to have links in your bio is

once you do that, click the save option and then go back to tumblr !!! (by the way, i think you need two links to have two colours)

to change the colors you do it (at least i do it) on tumblr — the app. on your blog, click the lil palette icon near the top right

then it’ll show this — the places i circled is where you’ll change your two colors !! 🫦the accent and the display name of your blog. choose wtv color to your liking and boom !!

hope this helped you babie !! 🙇‍♀️🙇‍♀️🙇‍♀️💓

#anons 💌#👩‍💻 — TUMBLR TIPS.#we’ll make a new tag yay #🧁

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rogersideup · 1 year

Text

Nice to be kneaded

Chapter 17

Endgame

Series masterlist

Previous Part: Crawl Home to You Next Part: Good Luck Charm

Word Count: 7,236

Warnings: My blog is 18+ only. All minors or blogs without an age in bio will be blocked. Minors DNI. Mentions of medical equipment, loss, abuse, PTSD, anxiety and depression.

Last night, you had cried yourself into such a deep sleep that a linear existence wasn't even a concept to your subconscious. It was the first time in weeks it felt like your mind had a moment to sit in silence without overthinking or anxiety poking at it's need for peace.

Steve knew you needed your sleep, and waking you up just to let you know they were about to snap the nano-gauntlet felt like all he would be doing was worrying you. So he sent you a quick text saying he loved you and decided that would be enough to allow you to keep the rest you deserved.

It worked, because you woke up to the sound of a deep, grumbling boom. Like thunder overhead, yet there was not even a cloud in the sky to indicate a storm would be happening.

When you sleep filled brain snapped awake, and immediately remembered the day the blip happened, the sound of rumbling immediately brought tears to your eyes and sprung you to your feet.

They did it.

You wanted to shout your joy from the rooftops, jump up and down with overflowing happiness, run through the streets to reconnect with all of the people you've missed for five whole years.

Then the tears started flowing, so prideful of Steve, and in complete awe that he had contributed to saving the world once more.

The phone on your nightstand started ringing and buzzing like crazy, calls and texts coming through from friends and family alike. Complete disbelief took over.

Between your two fingers, your squeezed your sunflower once just to see if you could get through to Steve and make sure he was okay.

Seeing your sunflower illuminate with one long, golden glow had you smiling from ear to ear as more tears fell down your cheeks. He was okay.

Completely disregarding the fact that you were in sweatpants and a tank top, you threw your messy hair up into a ponytail and quickly slipped a pair of sneakers on your feet before bolting through your bedroom and running down the staircase into the living room.

Just as you were unlocking the front door to run outside and take in the new state of the world, the breath was stolen from your lungs and you no longer felt like rejoicing.

The golden light of your sunflower caught your eye once more, and you counted four glows.

Emergency.

You stopped in place, hoping that your eyes had deceived you. Hoping for the best, you squeezed it back three times hoping you'd get three back. Maybe he tried to say he loved you and accidentally pressed it once more.

He received your message, and sent his again.

It illuminated four times. Emergency.

There was a small pause before he sent three, I love you.

That was all the confirmation you needed to know that he was trying to tell you something bad had happened. You could feel it in your gut that it wasn't going to end well, but for some reason, you still needed to go outside.

The second the sun hit your eyes it felt blinding, and much like the day half the population disappeared, the neighborhood was pouring out into the streets. People hugging and reconnecting outside, some we're confused, some were overly aware. Reunions were bitter sweet, so happy to be together again, yet so incredibly sad over lost time.

The fathers of daughters who had come back to their babies walking, and talking. Elderly couples who now had even less time to live the rest of their lives together, loved ones coming back to find their person had passed on in their time away.

The second your feet hit the porch, they slowly carried you down the steps. When the neighbors saw you and your tears, a handful of them immediately rushed towards you.

Everyone in this tiny town was well aware of Steve at this point, he was a celebrity to the locals yet they all loved him dearly and treated him so kindly. Steve was so loved, and he loved everyone in return.

Their concern for you and for him during a moment like this rushed to the forefront of their priorities.

"Oh darling" Your next door neighbor on the opposite side of Steve's old house pulled you into a hug. "Is Steve okay?"

You allowed her arms to comfort you, "I don't know."

Then more footsteps came rushing around you in all directions, arms engulfing you, hands holding your pieces together. You couldn't even distinguish who's voice was coming from where, but you were immensely grateful for the community always being there for you, and him.

"Honey, he did a wonderful thing."

"Have you heard from him?"

"Where is he?"

"New York" You lifted your head with a sniffle. "He's in New York, he said there's an emergency but I don't know what happened."

"He's strong, he'll be okay."

"He's going to be just fine."

"Steve is a force to be reckoned with, he's going to give hell to anything that tries to touch him."

More footsteps, then a breathless "have you guys heard the news?"

Your head lifted, you looked up at the friendly face that was looking back at you with regret and sympathy "What happened?"

"Thanos is back on earth, he brought an army. The entire avengers compound was destroyed, they're showing it on the news right now."

The tiniest gasp hitched in your throat, and settling anxiety dizzied your vision. It felt like your hearing cut out for a few moments while everyone else around you asked the important questions.

Tiny pieces of information poked through the thick film of fear shrink wrapping around you. We're the avengers okay? Nobody knew. The compound was no longer standing, it was nothing but a pile of rubble beneath the Avengers feet.

But the loudest and most invasive flood of information to your brain was your own voice screaming at you, telling you that the only ounce of control you had over Steve's well-being was to start going to him. Secondly, you thought of the Avengers and the love Steve had for them. They were now misplaced, some of them with no homes now that the compound was blown to shreds. You needed to go to them too.

"Sorry," You mumbled, stepping away from the support of your community and further into the driveway. "I have to go."

Running into your house and grabbing a few things, you shoved it all into a backpack and headed back outside.

The neighbors gentle voices tried to ask you where you we're going. Maybe they were trying to get you to think of the consequences of your actions before you set out on a long drive across state before you started the journey. But all you were thinking of was how he would get home, how you needed to be there for him if he got himself injured or even wors.... no. Not gonna happen.

Getting into the driver's seat and starting the car, you were immediately thankful to your past self that filled the tank with gas after arriving home from New York.

Setting out into the road, you knew there was a chance Steve would get mad at you for this. His only request was for you to stay home so he knew you would be safe, but right now you knew deep within you heart and soul that this is what you needed to do.

During the long drive, you tried to distract yourself through the hours. Blasting your favorite music, chatting with everyone who called you and catching up with everyone who had blipped. You even tried a few times to get into contact with your mom, but for some reason you still couldn't contact her for about an hour or two.

Driving though different cities gave you a good idea of what the world was like now. Some places you sped through with not another car in sight, every one at home with their loved ones, and in other places traffic was horrendous.

It got worse and worse the closer you got to the compound. As you started nearing, your heart pounded out of your chest as the sky got deeper and darker grey.

The smell of thick smoke was seeping through the exterior and through the air filters, you had to make so many different routes to avoid the road closures, sweet talk many police officers to convince them to let you cross evacuation barriers.

As if the universe had planned it, you pulled up at the perfect time. You got as close as you could, put your car into park, got out and started walking towards the smoke pillars and rubble. You could tell whatever had happened was over now. All the chaos in the sky had settled, and you could no longer hear any shouting, banging, or loud noises in general.

Then, your sunflower lit up with one long glow, and your phone started ringing shortly after.

You pulled it out of your pocket, and Steve's name was displayed loudly on the screen. Your shaky fingers accepted the call as fast as they could.

"Baby, are you okay?" You asked quickly.

You could hear him panting like a dog, and the rubble crunching beneath heavy tactical boots. "You're here?" He asked. His voice was breaking, and hoarse.

"Yeah, I am." You told him, knowing he had your location tracked for his own peace of mind. "I'm sorry, I know you told me to stay out but I just felt like I really needed to come be here for yo-"

"I need you" he panted, broken voice cutting off your apology. "You were right."

"Where are you?" You questioned, now having a fire lit under your ass to get to him even quicker.

"Stay where you are, I don't want you to have to see what happened over here." His emotions slowly cracked. "I'm coming to you."

Today had already been one of the worst of his life, and leaving you traumatized over the sight of a war zone and the body of someone you had developed a platonic love for was not something he wanted to do to you.

It wasn't long before you heard heavy footsteps coming towards you, you stood on end feeling uneasy and uncomfortable in the environment you willingly put yourself in.

Then, you saw him. Steve was doing his best to get to you, but he was hanging on by a thread. It instantly shattered your heart to see him so distressed and worn down.

The skin on his face and fingers were painted grey by the smoke and ash that clung to it, blood was pouring down his left cheek from underneath his helmet, and part of his bottom lip was cracked open. His legs were shaking and he walked slowly with a limp, and only half of his shield was attached to his arm. His big blue eyes that usually held a beautiful optimistic sparkle were dull and watery.

Your feet started running over to him faster than your mind could keep up with, and the closer you got, the more Steve unraveled.

He had exhausted his bravery and overextended his ability to hold his composure, so the very moment your hand landed on his shoulder and your eyes looked him up and down with a horrified look smeared on your sweet, beautiful face, he lost it.

"Holy shit" You whispered to yourself. One tear fell down his eye before disappearing under his helmet, then you wrapped your arms around him in a very gentle hug as to not cause him anymore pain, and that one tear turned into something you've never seen Steve do before.

He started sobbing.

Of course you've seen him cry before, but this was more than that. He was collapsing in your arms, failing to catch his breath between panting and crying as his emotions unwound faster than he's ever allowed them to before. You did your best to hold him up, but he was a solid, built guy who was a lot taller than you.

The two of you swayed as he cried, but you could feel just by holding onto him that he hadn't inhaled a single breath in a concerning amount of time.

"Breathe, honey." You reminded him calmly, one hand rubbing his back and the other cradling the back of his helmet covered head. "You have to breathe."

Steve inhaled a choppy attempt at a big breath, and recognized that he was starting to feel like all of the parts of the suit on his body were heightening the pain radiating through each of his limbs, it was suffocating and growing more unbearable by the second.

As if you were an expert of reading his mind and had a PhD in his body language, you let your arms release him slowly allowing him to hold himself up again before your hands reached for his face.

He couldn't rip his gaze away from your face. Usually when your eyebrows were furrowed and your lips pouted in deep concern for someone, it made him sad. But right now, your soft doe eyes and the whole of your deep concern being directed straight at him left him feeling a kind of comfort he hadn't felt since his mother was around. It only encouraged his tears to continue flowing at a rate that was completely unmanageable.

Your steady hands unbuckled the strap around his chin and lifted the helmet off his head then placed it on the floor before your thumbs carefully swiped tears off of his cheeks while avoiding all the blood on his face. All it did was smear the smoke across his cheeks even more, but he was soaking in every second of feeling your skin on his.

"Are you hurt?" You questioned softly, hands moving from his face down to his utility belt to unbuckle it from around his hips, but your eyes never left his.

"My arm" Steve confessed through choppy breaths and sniffles.

Only then did your eyes leave his, and trail down to his left arm. Half of his shield still attached, your hands grabbed his and lifted it carefully higher to your face to inspect it. That's when you realized he was still holding onto the shield because his forearm was slashed straight down the center through the suit, and it's leather straps were tightened to hold it together to keep it from bleeding out.

"Okay" You nodded, letting yourself process that he was injured. "Anywhere else?"

Unexpectedly, he let out a small laugh between the tears. "I just got the shit beat out of me, everything hurts."

You gave him a sympathetic smile, then something caught your attention out of the corner of your eye.

"Baby, you might not want to look over there." Steve warned you again with a remorseful sniffle, but it was too late.

You spotted the red and gold iron man suit all too easily amongst the dull grey surroundings. Though you couldn't make out much detail from far away, you could see his helmet was off, his arm was burned with a gauntlet on his hand, and he wasn't moving. He was surrounded by weepy Avengers, most of them kneeling or squatting around him and each other, offering hugs and condolences.

When you looked back at Steve, your heart broke even more for him. "Oh, you poor thing. I'm so sorry."

He had now lost two friends he loved dearly within 24 hours of each other, and there was nothing you could do to take the physical or mental pain away from him.

"Thanos and his army were about to destroy the planet." Steve explained with a cry, shaking his head in disbelief. "He got the gauntlet, snapped them away. The stones are powerful, a normal human body can't handle them."

"He did the right thing." You dropped your voice to a whisper, trying to hold back your own tears for Steve's sake. You ran your fingers through his sweaty hair a few times as he tried to grapple at the events that took place.

"He had a wife and kid." Steve cried. "They were his priority just as much as you were mine. What if it was me?"

"Baby, he kept them safe." You nodded tearfully, but still managing to keep them at bay. "He saved the world so Morgan could grow up safe and happy. He shouldn't have ever had to make that choice, and it's awful that it happened, but he did the right thing. No matter who would've done it, it was the right choice."

He nodded silently and let your words sink in.

"I'm so proud of you." You gently rubbed up and down the bicep of his injured arm, trying your hardest to keep him together. "Thank you for continuing to fight for humanity even when you felt like you had no fight left in you."

"I did it for you." He sniffled.

"I love you so much" Your arms engulfed him again, he clung onto you like his life depended on it. You could feel the whole of his body shaking in pain.

"I love you too" His tears were slowing down, but remained in a state of overwhelming emotion.

"Should we get you to a hospital?" You asked, hating every second of knowing how bad he was hurting.

He shook his head. "I just want to go home."

"I'm so sorry you had to go through this, my love." You squeezed the back of his neck. "What about your arm? They can give you some painkillers, clean you up, take care of your face."

"I know it looks scary, but the serum will take care of it." He shoved his face deeper into your neck.

"Are you sure?"

"Mhm" He reassured. "I really want to be mad at you for putting yourself in danger like this, but I'm so happy you're here."

You smiled at his words, "You can be mad at me if you need to, but if I was in an emergency in a whole different state you would move mountains to get to me."

"I'd rage war on the entire world." He grumbled.

"Honey, you're shaking like a leaf. Do you want to sit for a minute?" You asked, then your attention was pulled away by the footsteps of multiple people, and a voice.

"Oh, there he is. Guys, we found him." Spoke a male voice you didn't recognize.

"Sugar cookie!"

You looked up and couldn't even help the smile that subconsciously smeared across your face. "Sam! Welcome back!"

Steve looked up and unwrapped himself from the hug, but you both kept one arm around each other to help hold him up.

"I'm happy to see you, sugar! And even happier to see that you and Stevie boy over here made it work."

He quickly approached you and gave you a one armed hug, understanding why you weren't letting go of Steve.

"Me too." You smiled, now seeing the bright side of what Steve fought so hard for.

"Let me help you out, are you alright Steve?" Sam asked, coming around to Steve's other side and taking the weight of the soldier off of you.

"I'll be fine." He nodded simply, accepting Sam's help.

You were so focused on Steve and Sam that you failed to notice the shyer, more timid footsteps headed towards you three.

Sam, pointed before saying "Hey, have you ever met B-"

"Bucky!" You enthused, walking towards him with open arms.

Your warmth made a smile appear on his face too, and when he met you in the middle, he happily gave you a hug.

Ever since Steve started telling him about you all the way back during his days in Wakanda, he had a deep rooted fear that you would be scared of him. But that all dissolved when your hands quickly rubbed his back and and you approached him without even a second thought.

"It's so nice to finally meet you." You told him.

"It's about time." Bucky agreed, still a bit shy.

You remembered all of the countless conversations you've had with Steve about Bucky. How when they were teenagers, Bucky was outgoing and extroverted, maybe to a fault. But nowadays he was shy, slow to warm up, and slow to feel comfortable around new people. You understood wholeheartedly, and wanted to give him the space he needed to gain confidence that you were safe to be around.

All of Steve's family had been through a lot in life, but especially Bucky, and especially in this very moment.

"Sam, Bucky, are you guys okay? Are you hurt?"

Both of the boys shook their heads no, then gave their undivided attention to Steve. All three of you knew he wasn't going to be able to exert himself for much longer at all, so they helped you out.

Sam ran to inform everyone that Steve had to go, while Bucky started helping him walk to your car. Eventually Sam caught up and both boys walked him over, taking most of his weight in the way there. You put his belt, helmet and half the shield into the trunk while Steve leaned against the car, and the three boys chatted away.

They were all in agreement that Steve needed to be home, and given lots of love and attention while he healed his body and mind. It was really sweet to see the love they had for each other in real time. A small circle of people Steve trusted to let see the tears fall regardless of being in uniform. Though it was terribly sad, and so bittersweet, the underlying tone was pure love and you couldn't help but to soak it all in.

When you joined them again, Sam looked at you. "I think we should get this man home."

"Couldn't agree more." You nodded, but you couldn't help but to worry about them too. "Boys, do you have a place to go?"

"I'm headed to my sister's place." Sam confirmed.

Then your eyes met Bucky's. "I'll figure it out." He told you, but you could hear the lack of belief in his own statement.

"Come with us." You told him confidently. Then realized you should probably check with Steve before inviting someone to stay with you, but he was starting to hunch over in pain, his eyes were closing and he wasn't paying much attention to anything other than staying upright. "We have a guest room, you can stay as long as you need."

"No, I couldn't possibly burd-"

"You're absolutely not a burden." You didn't even allow him to finish that statement. "You deserve a comfortable place to lay low for a while, I'd love to get to know you better, and I think it would be good for Steve to have you around. You're more then welcome, we'd love to have you."

He sighed, "okay, but I promise it'll just be for a few days until I can get a place."

You shook your head. "As long as you need, no rush."

"Let's get Rogers in the car" Sam told Bucky, earning a nod.

They got him into the backseat so he could sprawl out if need be, and buckled his seatbelt. The boys said bye to Sam, then Bucky got in the back to keep an eye on him and make sure his arm wasn't bleeding too much on the way home.

It was just you and Sam standing outside the driver door, and he wasn't shy about giving you information you needed to know about Steve.

"The serum will heal his body but it also makes him mentally strong, so seeing him like this is... it's hard." Sam admitted.

"I know, it breaks my heart." You agreed. "I'll take good care of him."

"I looked after him when he ended up in the hospital once. When he gets injured like this and is in extreme emotional pain, he falls asleep for a very long time. You can wake him up for short periods of time but he'll fall back asleep quickly. It's like the serum is using every ounce of energy it can to self repair, he has nothing left for anything else."

Thinking back to all time times Steve was especially sad, and the whole time he spent as a fugitive, you realized Sam was right. He always slept it off. "That's actually really helpful, thank you."

"Is it okay if I call you to check up on them?" He asked.

"Call me whenever you'd like. Do you want to come with us too? It'll at least get you out of New York."

"Thank you, but I really should get home to my sister, check in on my nephews." Sam smiled.

"I understand" You nodded. "You're welcome anytime."

The two of you exchanged phone numbers and said your goodbyes before hitting the road again back to Greenwood. It didn't take long for Bucky to fall asleep next to Steve, so for a few hours you played your playlists quietly to try and keep yourself entertained after having driven so many hours already. Eventually Bucky woke up, and sure enough, Steve had slowly and unconsciously started making his way over to cuddle him.

It made you giggle every time you looked back at them through the rear view mirror. Bucky had to practically fight Steve's limbs to keep off of him and every once in a while he would a mumble out a comment about how he hasn't changed at all since they were teenagers.

Eventually Bucky offered to drive the rest of the way once he realized how long you had already driven today, and that it was probably in Steve's best interest if you were the one looking after him. So you pulled over at a gas station, filled up, then switched with Bucky feeling more than grateful to get away from the wheel for a while.

When you got into the back seat with him, you sat in the middle so he could get all the snuggles he didn't even know he was asking for. Realizing there were more parts of his suit you could still take off to make him more comfortable, you removed the communication device from his ears, pulled the thick leather gloves off his hands, and rolled up the sleeve of his suit on his injured arm so the fabric didn't irritate the gash further.

After spending the whole day in the car, the relief that rang through your body when Bucky pulled into your driveway was immense. The two of you got Steve out of the car, into the house and up the stairs successfully, but it caught a lot of attention from friends in surrounding houses.

A few came out to offer help and thank Steve for what he did, but you could see it in their eyes that seeing Captain America unconscious and covered in blood was their first reality check that being a superhero wasn't all that fun.

The two of you sat him safe and comfortably in your shared room before getting Bucky a comfortable change of Steve's clothes and setting him up for a shower and a very long nap in the guest bedroom. He was incredibly grateful to be given that luxury.

Then, you had to deal with your 250 pound bag of bones. Standing over him, you started shaking his shoulders and tapping his cheeks to try and get him to wake up. And when he did, he looked around with a confused and scared look in his eyes when he realized he wasn't where he thought he was anymore.

"Hi baby." You said to pull his eyes towards you, hoping he would feel safe again. "You're okay, we're back home safe and sound."

"Bucky is here?" He mumbled, trying to keep his eyes open.

"Yeah, he's just downstairs settling in." Keeping your voice and your touch gentle. "How are you feeling?"

"Still hurts."

"I'm sorry, sweet boy." A physical pain bloomed through your chest as he muttered those two words. Watching the strongest person you know become so weak had been one of the saddest moments you've bared witness to. "I want to try to get you out of the suit and cleaned up so you can get more comfortable. Do you think you can handle that right now?"

"You'll help me?" Steve asked.

"Of course, I'm not going to leave you." You reassured him.

"Yeah I think I can do that." He nodded, slowly blinking his eyes.

With a whole lot of patience and working carefully and slowly, you helped get him undressed, showered, and semi-dressed again while trying your hardest not to cause him any more pain than he was already in.

It was hard for you to see his body in such destress, every piece of clothing you removed revealed a new deep purple bruise that was settling beneath his skin. The blood washed off his face but it was still cut up, and tiny little hisses and whimpers of pain he tried his hardest to keep to himself would escape past his throat every once in a while.

Eventually you got him into bed. His hair was still a little soggy from getting washed, and you didn't manage to get a shirt or pants on him but hey, it was good enough. Only once you got him settled and comfortable did you sit next to him and start gently wrapping up the cut on his forearm.

The serum was already doing a good job taking care of it. It was no longer bleeding and it started fusing back together, but you still wanted to make sure it stayed clean and unbothered as he healed.

You finished by cleaning up what you could, put your own soggy hair from having to get into the shower with him into a clip, then got into bed next to him.

Fingers sliding through his damp hair, and delicate kisses being placed to his temple, he finally let it sink in that he was safe and would continue to be safe.

He fell asleep again, and the deeper he fell the more he clung onto you. The biggest part of you was happy and relieved to have him slowly smothering you, at least you knew he was safe and out of harms way. But, you couldn't quiet the smaller part of your brain that couldn't stop barking worries at you. Luckily, it all seemed trivial now that the world could start healing again.

Steve slept through the rest of the day, the entirety of the night, and didn't wake up until late morning the next day. You tried waking him up once to see if he wanted to eat, but it was clear when he started responding to you with his eyes closed that it wasn't going to happen.

Luckily it was pretty easy to slip out from beneath him. That night you and Bucky got a lot of time to talk and bond over dinner and a few beers, you even snuck off to go see if Georgia was home from the hospital yet but the driveway was empty and your knocks at the door were unanswered.

It seems like everyone slept in the next morning, including you who was woken up to back rubs and the sweetest kisses. The sun was shining brightly through the curtains, and big blue eyes were looking back at you as you opened yours.

"You're so pretty" Steve whispered with a soft smile, continuing to rub your back.

"Good morning, baby." You mumbled, trying to wake yourself up more. "How are you feeling?"

"A lot better." He confirmed. "Still sad, but better. Maybe a little embarrassed."

"Embarrassed? Why?" Your hand found his cheek.

"I broke down fast, and hard." He said with a shy expression, "I couldn't even hold myself together."

"You hold yourself to a standard that's impossible to attain." You told him, gently rubbing his cheek with the pad of your thumb. "I love you and I love that big ol' heart of yours. I love that you express your emotions, and all I want you to do is feel all of your feelings. But the only thing I will not allow you to feel is embarrassed over how you reacted to something that traumatic."

"Well for what it's worth, I'm definitely feeling feelings."

"Be gentle with yourself." You pressed a kiss to his lips, prompting his eyes to close. "Just in the past few days you've time traveled, made amends with an agreement that wrapped your life up for two whole years, lost two of your friends, and almost sacrificed yourself to an army of titans trying to take over the planet. You saved the world. It's okay to cry."

He nodded before shoving his face into the pillow below his head. Patiently and calmly, you played with his hair waiting for him to open up more about the recent events. You could tell the word vomit was on the tip of his tongue, the moment he started to let it spew out it would take a while to stop, and you were ready to listen for however long he needed you to.

"Where did you go when you time traveled?" You questioned, trying to give him a place to start.

"Avengers tower in 2012, we tried to get the space stone in Loki's scepter." He started. "I had to fight my past self in hand to hand combat, do you know how weird that is?"

"No, no I don't." You denied with a smile. "Did you get a chance to see how handsome you really are?"

Your fingers pinched his cheeks, earning a blush. "I was a little too busy free falling off a glass bridge from a few stories high."

"That's fair."

"Well our plan didn't work, so Tony and I went to Camp Lehigh in the 70's to get the Tesseract."

"Why the 70's?" You questioned.

Recalling the reason to you felt like telling his mom a story not realizing there was incriminating information in it, so the tiniest giggle escaped his lips. "Well Tony and I may have used the last of our pym particles to get there because Hank Pym used to have a lab at the camp at the same time the tesseract was there, so we were going to grab the stone and more particles to get home! A win win!"

You narrowed your eyes at him. "Im so glad I had no idea any of this was happening."

"It's better that way." Steve agreed.

"Was it weird to be back?"

"It was weirder to be back during a time I could've lived through had I not, you know..."

"Yeah" You let him know you understood, not wanting him to have to recall yet another traumatic event.

"It was also weird getting the chance to see people I used to know, but older than when I knew them."

The moment those words left his lips, Steve watched happy crinkles form around the corner of your big beautiful eyes, and your lips trying to contain a smile. "Did you see Peggy?"

Steve was immediately nervous to answer that.

It was the first time her name had ever left your mouth. The two of you had never spoken about ex partners unless it was about how bad your last one was.

From what Steve understood, the story of his journey as Captain America back in World War II was one that was often taught about in school. Him, Bucky, the Howling Commandos, Dr. Erskine, Howard, and Peggy. Their relationship was no secret, it was a tale told to kids, a short lived romance that inspired movies and stories around the country.

Though it's true that she got him first, he loved you more.

The last thing Steve wanted to do was hurt your feelings or say the wrong things. But he also knew he had a lot of feelings about the lost time and lost chances in his life that wouldn't be healthy to keep bottled up. Recognizing he needed to talk about it with someone also meant that he finally had something he couldn't talk though with you. For your sake, he wanted to protect your heart as much as you protected his.

"I did." He kept his tone neutral and face expressionless with a hint of apology. "Through an office window by accident."

Unexpectedly, your smile grew wider. "Did you talk to her?"

"What? No." His eyebrows furrowed.

"Why not?" You questioned.

"I could thing of about 15 different reasons why that wouldn't be a good idea." Steve defended himself, realizing that you wanted him to have seen her.

"Oh yeah? Name one." You stood your ground.

"Well, let's start with the fact that my body was somewhere frozen into a big block of ice and I was supposed to be dead."

"Not good enough, you should've been warmer." You denied, obviously joking.

"Ugh, you're so right." Steve agreed. "Also I don't know if you know this, but I have a really incredible girlfriend that I love more than anything in the whole world. I was a little too focused on getting home to her."

"You didn't even want to say goodbye?" You asked with a pout.

"I already did. I said it in person a few months before she passed, and again when I carried her casket into her funeral. There's nothing more that needed to be done." He said confidently. "Why the pout, honey?

Your thumb drew a heart into his cheek. "Because Peggy was my favorite person to study in history class, and frankly I'm jealous. Not for the obvious reasons, but because you got to see her and I didn't."

That brought a rush of relief to Steve's mind and a genuine laugh out of his body. "That's adorable, and I'm sorry. I'll be more considerate next time I find myself in the 70's."

"Thank you, I really appreciate that." You smiled. "Is this a good time to tell you I wrote an essay about her in high school and got an A on it?"

"How long have you waited to tell me that?" Steve asked, feeling more awake now but it was obvious you were still a little sleepy.

"How long has it been since I figured out you were Captain America?"

Steve giggled again, "did you get any A's on Captain America essays?"

"Literally never." You denied. "Sorry."

"It's okay, I understand." His smile prevailed.

"If I wrote one now I'd get an A plus."

"Oh, I believe it." He agreed.

"How's you arm? I've been worried about it."

"Feels like it's not even injured anymore." He eased your mind, before easing his own. "How have you been holding up with all of this?"

Another kiss was placed on his lips before you started. "I'm okay. It was hard seeing you yesterday, and it going to take a while to not be sad about Nat and Tony, but I'm so happy you guys were able to reverse what Thanos did."

"Have you talked to your Mom?"

"I did." You smiled. "She googled my name to try and find out if I was okay before she called me, and I think she's a little shocked that I'm dating you but other than that I think it'll take her a while to process what happened to the universe."

"Oh no, does she not like me?" Steve cringed.

"It's impossible to not like you" you denied.

"Have you met Georgia and Michael?" He questioned. "Speaking of, had you heard from her?"

"She's okay." You confirmed with a nod. "Should be back home at some point today."

"Did I hallucinate that Bucky is here or is that real?"

"Oh no that's real, he's downstairs." This time you giggled. "Were you hallucinating?"

"I... don't know. Yesterday was a blur." He answered. "I thought we agreed to you not taking in anymore fugitives!"

"Oh but this one is so cute!" You enthused as if the grown adult assassin in your guest bedroom was a puppy. "Can we keep him!?"

Steve shook his head at you with a smile. "Unbelievable."

"Pleaaaassseeee" You begged.

"Maybe I should call your mom and ask her why she didn't teach you stranger danger" he joked.

"Bucky is no stranger, you big meanie." You very gently hit the top of his arm, the way it was barely even a pat made him laugh. "He's wonderful. We had dinner together last night."

"You and Bucky had dinner together?!" Steve questioned. "He's gonna steal my girl with a clean sweep."

"No he's not." You denied. "And to be fair, I did try to wake you up."

Steve smiled and kissed you softly. "Thanks for looking out for him. It means a lot to me."

"He's important to you, so he's important to me." You reminded Steve.

"But you like him so far?"

"I love him, he's great." You sleepily enthused.

"I should go bother him" Steve noted, trying to get himself out of bed. He slowly sat up and kicked his legs over the edge until he was sitting. "You wanna go bother Bucky too?"

"Is bothering him my only option?"

"You could annoy him? Maybe pester him."

"Existing in peace isn't an option?" You giggled, stretching out your back and all 4 limbs now that Steve was up and you had the whole bed to yourself.

"With Bucky? Never."

"Sounds fun" you nodded.

You watched Steve stretch each of his shoulders out, pulling each arm to the side between opposite folded forearms and bicep. His face scrunched up, and a little wince sounded from his throat.

"I thought I felt better, but lying down was really deceiving." He noted.

"You look pretty solid considering you were half dead yesterday." You noted enthusiastically. "That's good, right?!"

Steve watched you get out of bed before looking down and realizing he really had barely any recollection of what happened after you made it to New York. "Also, where are my clothes? Why am I half naked? And who saw me naked? How am I so clean?"

You laughed at his choice of words. "Just me, I helped you take a shower, remember?"

"Nope." He popped the P at the end of the word. "But thank you!"

"No problembo"

He opened his arms for you as you approached for a hug, and he happily wrapped you up and kissed your head. He was always grateful for you, but a little more so right now.

"You're incredible, Honey." You reminded him once more, your hands rubbing the bare skin of his back. "I'm happy and sad for you at the same time, but I hope through the good and bad you can find peace now."

"This was definitely a good start." He grinned. "I love you, I couldn't have done it without your support."

"I love you too."

"My arms still really hurt." He stated, gently swaying you from side to side. "Probably from wielding mjolnir."

That statement earned your stillness as you thought about what he had just said. Then all at once you pulled away from his hold, "you did WHAT?!"

Series Finale: Good Luck Charm

Tag List: @patzammit @bemysugarbean @happinessinthebeing @jaqui-has-a-conspiracy-theory @differenttyphoonwerewolf @themotherof10 @talesofadragon @spikeluv84 @royalwriteroftheuniverse @whiskeytangofoxtrot555 @bitchy-bi-trash @crazyunsexycool @openup-yourmind @selella @kattreffic @benedict-squirtle @magnificentsaladllama @theroyalmanatee @calwitch @avengersinitiative2012 @rogersbarber @daddywattpad4945

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partysol-the-umbrella-wielder · 5 months

Text

I thought I posted this already oops. Here is some bios of these two idiots that I love so much.

Hurbie (she/her): Before she made her little journey, she was a tailor apprentice working under Harhall.

She is decently peppy And tries to keep everyone in high spirits. But her anxiety and awkwardness is worn directly on her. She tries to appear tough and she technically is, But at this point she's so used to people bossing her around that she struggles to actually put her foot down.

She just moved to the bean bean kingdom for job reasons But also for an old dream. She had as a kid to go to space so she's trying to rent a rocket for that ( I like to imagine space travel is actually pretty easy here thanks to galaxy)

tho despite doing what she loves, she ended up becoming pretty miserable after a while of doing the same thing every day. As she was not very good at talking and ended up self isolating for a bit.

It's only after she takes a night walk to try and help herself, She finds the person that changes her entire life. Beez! She ends up rescuing this "poor defenseless" alien and a super willing to help when hearing their plight about trying to find other survivors. Letting them take her boom box and modify it, and coming along to help.

She ends up, however, learning more about what they are and, well, how deadly the Shroobs are in general. After this, she was tempted to try and stop this, but something kept pushing her forward. Almost like her brain is working against her. It's probably nothing, though :]

She also never fully goes villain despite everything. Even after some changes she goes through, she is still a dork that cares a lot about aliens and cool clothes

Beez (it/they/he) shroob mechanic that survived what they call "the acid rain."

They don't really talk about anything before that. It's hard enough trying to remember what was going on during the rain. Seeing they're fallen melt away.

What we do know is They ran far away from the mushroom kingdom, even somehow crossed the border into bean bean.

There they stayed for multiple years. Completely isolated and emotionless. It wasn't until a weird bean creature approached them that they started moving again, to attack her at first, But then stopping after feeling touch for the first time in years.

Shroobs can't cry,, So all they did was stop. The weird bean called Hurb Took them in giving them some leftover pizza and soda and even giving her room to them. They were definitely confused by this hospitality but ended up learning to enjoy this kindness.

After all, wasn't the whole mission to find a place to call home to finally relax. Yet they were left unsatisfied... The mission couldn't truly succeed when there's only one of them left. In the end, they repurposed Hurb's old boom box not only for communication but also to send a signal out, a shroob sos, to try and find any survivors. It took a while, but they did.

And that starts their journey to find every last shroob!

Beez ends up going from mimicking emotions to finding their own person within this mess. Which ends up making them one of the kinder shroobs... Emphasis on kinder. He can and will still try to kill people. But only if it's necessary. He ends up getting a hobby outside of his electronic work by learning how to make drinks. Vim never tasted better!

#my art #my ocs #long post #mario and luigi #fanart #mario and luigi oc #shroob #beanish #mario and luigi partners in time #mario and luigi shroob #Hurbie #beez

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drifting-pieces-blog-blog · 9 months

Text

Breaking down the comics: BEMIS. Part 1

READING THINGS SO YOU DON'T HAVE TO!

Alright, I covered "Age of Khonshu" and honestly was so incensed that I had to make a post talking about it.

So let's get this other bread (and burn it).

A lot of new Moon Knight fans have heard the cry when asked what to read and where to get started. And true fans everywhere agree: DON'T READ BEMIS.

And there are long posts and screams and sobbing about why not to read it that come out to "It's so bad!"

But there are the curious out there. They want to know why it's bad. They want to know what happened. And...well...

It spans a few issues. I…I was foolish and thought “I can do this in one go! How long can this take? I don’t want to spend that much time on BEMIS.” ….I forgot that doing one of these usually takes me the better part of a day to cover ONE issue.

I’m going to break this up into Four (fuck you Tumblr) parts and cover both volumes instead of a post per issue. I don’t want Bemis to take up that much space so prepare for a few VERY LONG posts.

Let's ruin my month! (AKA: Watch me slowly descend into blind rage).

Marvel Legacy: Moon Knight. 2017. Issues 188-200.

Part 1: Crazy Runs in the Family. (Issues 188-193) Published: November 08, 2017

Written by: Max Bemis

Art by: Jacen Burrows

Editor: Jeff Youngquist

Let's start with:

WHO IS MAX BEMIS?

Oh my god he's in a band. He's the lead singer for the rock band "Say Anything".

My level of disappointment just doubled.

According to his bio: He was raised in a 'strong Jewish environment'. His grandparents survived the Holocaust. All this has inspired his music.

(I can't even begin to tell you how much actually looking up who he is has made me ten times angrier).

In 2013 he started to write comics. More importantly, he wrote for characters that suffered different mental health issues. ('Polarity' at Boom! Studios about a hero with bipolar disorder).

He then ended up at Marvel.

For his personal life: He has bipolar disorder and self medicates with drugs (Marijuana).

He also self identifies as "A Jew who is also a Christian", which he considers a "New age, metaphysical view" on religion.

Good. Great. Fantastic. Now I know who this man is and I hate him even more.

What's even funnier? Apparently his music fans ALSO hate him because he's "a sanctimonious hypocrite".

Seriously, there's a whole Reddit page on why he's a terrible person. I'm not going to site any sources because I can't fact check a lot of those claims and maybe they are false or maybe they are true. I'm not here to slander a life. I'm here to talk about Moon Knight.

I’ve procrastinated enough. Let’s go….

We open on "Ravencroft Asylum". Good start.

We see a Doctor Emmett talking to a patient in a locked cell that's stylized like a prison interrogation cell.

"You say remembering your youth is like looking through a layer of Jell-O. Were do things become lucid? When did you become yourself?"

(I already hate it).

"I learned who I was in the army, that much is clear." The patient responds.

"I get it. The army. The incident. Aside from the physical, what did you walk away with on the day you hurt them?" The doctor looks at the files.

And the patient is hesitant to speak on it, but he tells her that "In the army, I learned that there is a God."

He talks about how he saw God 'in his fire' and that non-believers, atheists, skeptics, and all that are wrong. How they can't understand how big God is.

(And now I remember when I first read this how uncomfortable this first issue made me.)

"They weren't very nice to me in the Army, but why would they be? I had to show them I was more devoted, more significant than they were."

I'm going to put a pause on this right here after just two pages. There are some Trigger Warnings that need to be discussed real quick.

I grew up in the deep south and I’ve legit heard talk like this in real life. It’s terrifying.

I knew a lot of 'born again' Christians who tried to 'save my soul'.

This comic is going to get VERY uncomfortable for anyone that has had to deal with religious trauma. Just putting it out there. Skip if you can't handle any sort of religious trauma like excessive God Talk, Cultish behavior, Come to Jesus moments, or severe Antisemitism.

On top of the religions issues, this comic is also going to have significant mental health mishandling. We’re talking about abuse from Doctor figures, use of improper terminology, abuse of the mentally ill, and severe discrimination.

OH and misogyny. Let’s not forget the misogyny.

This comic run also gets very…disgusting. I had many moments when reading this that legitimately turned my stomach. There is going to be depictions of self mutilation, gore, suicidal acts, and violence.

I AM GOING TO CENSOR THINGS. I will not blur images, but I will NOT be posting any of the comic pages that depict any of these violent, shock value, images. I’ll give a brief rundown of what’s going on and tell you that there is an image that I am going to skip. I’m telling you guys, these two runs were disgusting and curdled my stomach many times. Especially issue two.

So…Those are your only trigger warnings.

Let’s continue.

So now we see a narration by Dr. Emmett.

It is not going to paint a good light on Dr. Emmett.

She's in her office at night going over files.

"Sometimes, this job is guiltily fun... To be frank, patient 86 is @#%$ FASCINATING. He attributes his pyromania to a leap of faith. Conversely, I might argue that it was the fifth canteen full of force-fed urine that inspired him.

Sometimes I get him so fully that it's like I want to have a beer with the guy.

He wears self-delusion with so much dignity. I wish I had that level of resolve, that I could stop fixating on the...SPECTOR conundrum.

I'm just a failure of a doctor, left without a shell-shocked dissociative bipolar to shove away in a box.

In any other instance, I'd dial this one in. It's just that one nagging thing.

Lunatic joins the army. Said lunatic freaks out and ends up spiritually reborn in a near-death experience.

Sound like anyone you know?"

OH GOOD. GREAT. I just... Deep breath. Deep breath.

We’re going to play that angle. Woman psychiatrist/psychologist falls for her feminine desire to get with her patient. She can’t be expected to uphold her standards as a doctor or her doctor patient relationship. She has to dream for that exciting patient. She plays it off as wanting the award winning famous patient that makes her career into something amazing but because she’s a woman she has to play the dreamy sighing “Oh look how amazing he is!” role. And of course she’s after Marc. She can’t have Marc, so she finds this other patient that has a similar start of PTSD military based trauma and she’s going to fail to help him because she wants him to be like the other guy.

Not to mention she's using outdated terms like "Shell Shocked".

A term coined in WWI when for the first time, the world witnessed large groups of men coming back from war after encountering new aged weapons never dealt with or seen before.

Then she calls him Bipolar and links it to his Dissociative disorder.

I don't have a degree in psychology, but I do have a special interest. From what I've seen in the OG early comics by Moench, Marc Spector is not Bipolar. He does not exhibit episodes of mania followed by deep periods of depression. I'd go further into it, but trust me... He has a LOT of issues, but Bipolar was not one of them to start with.

In fact, after Schizophrenia, Bipolar was one of the most commonly misdiagnosed mental illnesses. A lot of people with DID were misdiagnosed with Bipolar disorder because of the way the symptoms presented in many cases. You didn't have another person in your brain, you were just exhibiting mania and now you're depressed.

ANOTHER THING to take issue with!

This comic is coming DIRECTLY on the heels of Lemire's run. In that run, it was the first time we dealt with Marc's official time in the army and his dissociative states.

We saw Marc wandering through the desert, dissociating and dealing with Khonshu issues.

The off handed tick about "Lunatic joins the army. Said lunatic freaks out and ends up spiritually reborn in a near-death experience."

1. The army did not lead to a Near-Death experience for Marc Spector. He joined the Mercenaries and was killed when his conscious got the better of him and his leader shot him for trying to save someone.

2. A doctor of psychology should NOT be using terms like 'Lunatic'.

3. Marc didn't 'FREAK OUT'. He had several dissociative episodes that ended up with him being discharged.

4. Marc was NOT 'spiritually reborn'. Depending on who is writing and how Khonshu himself is being depicted... An ancient god revived him as his avatar. This is not converting him in any sense of the word. Marc Spector may have issues with his Jewish beliefs and upbringing, but he is still very Jewish. He was NOT 'spiritually reborn'. He was brought back to life to act as Avatar and Marc took this to being Moon Knight, vengeance, paying for the pain he caused, and trying to be a better person. To be a different person. To be anyone except Marc Spector. Jake and Steven took this to just mean that they wanted to help people.

So... Yeah... Now we move on to the title page.

This is going well. We can already tell that Bemis either just didn’t read the Lemire run and got the cliff notes, or he just didn’t care and only took away bits without understanding the actual story it had to tell.

ON THE TITLE PAGE. Ohhhhh man you guys. ON THE TITLE PAGE.

Every title page has a little blurb explaining who the character is and what's been going on in previously connected issues. This way, people can pick it up and just go without having to dig through old comics. It's also a good reminder for people like me, who have shit memories and have forgotten what's going on after having to wait a whole month for the new issue.

I honestly have no idea who writes these blurbs. Sometimes you'll get the same blurb that lass for YEARS. (see Bendis run and how that carried over for runs and runs).

"Marc Spector. Steven Grant. Jake Lockley. Each a distinct personality of one man vying for control. Spector, the original personality, has asserted his dominance and fights to retain that control. But years ago, as a mercenary, Spector died in Egypt under a statue of the Moon God Khonshu. In the shadow of the ancient deity, Marc returned to life. From then on, Marc took on a new aspect in honor of Khonshu, dedicating his second life to fighting crime as....

MOON KNIGHT".

I want to fight someone. I don’t know who. But I want to fight someone. Whoever wrote this… This is what Marvel took away from the Lemire run. His beautiful run that for the first time, really dealt with Moon Knight’s mental health struggles. That said “They have dissociative Identity Disorder. They are a system. They have learned how to work together. They have found peace in who they are.” And whoever wrote this blurb went “Nawh, but Marc is the dominant and original personality and he’s in charge now!”

Editor in Chief: Axel Alonso

Chief Creative Officer: Joe Quesada.

Ah... These guys. These guys are to blame. We meet again Quesada...

Alright. We now see Dr. Emmett at some party (birthday party? They're all wearing party hats but they're clearly eating dinner and one guy is wearing a kippah and someone else is wearing a top hat and one guy is wearing no hat. I... I don't even know. This is all a disaster at this point.)

The group is laughing about things and Dr. Emmett is day dreaming about Marc Spector.

"Marc, my former patient. And this new one, patient 86. Traumatic experiences in the middle east. The similarity is brazen. Was there something in Marc's experience that patient 86 could..."

Her thoughts are interrupted as one of her colleagues takes a jab at her. "Still stuck on the hooded leotard guy?"

She snaps to defense and they tell her to let it go. That she can do better than 'that loser'.

Back at home, she's angry. Moon Knight is not a loser in a leotard.

And we see her shrine. Yeah... This is healthy.

Oh good. Back at work she's dealing with patient 86. She's attempting to explain how his brain works to him.

Get ready for some grade A psychology here people.

She explains that on one side of his brain is chemistry and the other is "Personality. Socially ingrained behavior. I want you to see the distinction."

He asks her that the fact that he's murdered people should label him as insane.

She disagrees. "I'm not sure the fact that you're a murderer proves anything about your nature."

Hmm.

She goes on to explain that "So many have been clinically impared by their unique brain chemistry. They needed help. We failed them. Imagine hearing audible voices that told you to eat a person. These people needed treatment."

And she points to cases like Sam, Gein, and Fish.

Yeah... Because Gein needed treatment. I'm just gonna... Just gonna.... ARGH.

"You developed bipolar disorder during your early adulthood. Moods fluctuating from mania to depression to utterly convincing delusion. Compounded by the traumatic childhood on the street, in state homes, and juvie that you barely recall. None of these things were your fault. Nor what happened in the desert."

Okay, they're just throwing out things at this point. They're just going to start listing off the sterotypical bad childhood leads to a bad kid and trauma things.

She then goes on to tell him that she understands what he did. That it was not his fault, that he was looking for something to control and fire was his answer. Not to mention God. "None of these symbols are inherently harmful. I've seen the power of symbolism redeem one of my patients who was literally split apart by trauma."

oh no. no no no no...That's not how... ARGH.

"Imagine what it could do for someone who was ready to receive help. Bipolar disorder, when tempered, can produce intense inspiration and creativity. I want to help you."

And she adds "Kurt Cobain" to the list.

I'm just going to... To sit here... quietly raging.

Alright, so now we see Dr. Emmett walking through the Egyptian exhibit at the museum.

"If Egyptian Mythology worked for Spector...It could work for my mysteriously nameness patient."

HOW IS HE NAMELESS?! HE WAS IN THE ARMY. They KNOW where he was stationed, they know what unit he was in, they know the trauma he faced and bullying, and they know the group of people he killed! OF COURSE THEY ARE GOING TO KNOW WHO HE IS.

"As I stand in front of the statue of Khonshu, Marc's main squeeze, I have a very important realization--Marc Spector may be legally insane... But he was never crazy at all.

Is every priest who hears the voice of their lord crazy? Every shaman? The damn writers of the constitution, invoking god on every page?

Marc manifested the meaning of this icon. His dissociative identity disorder simply brought it more vividly to life.

He needed an emblem of his inner bedlam and his innate need to protect victims. And the god of these qualities--Khonshu--came to him literally."

THAT'S NOT HOW IT WORKS. He didn't get DID out in the desert. He's had it since he was a very young boy! He didn't go to Khonshu to try to make sense of it! His DID didn't 'bring it to light'. It didn't make him hear the voice of god!

So she decides to pick out a god for her patient.

Cause that's healthy.

She considers Osiris, Horus, ....Imhotep...

But of course she stops at Ra.

You know what's really getting to me right now? This so called Ivy league doctor that clearly has no idea what she's doing, has zero ability to draw the line at doctor patient relationship, her obsessive tendencies, and pushing her obsession onto another patient.

Furthermore, when you look at Patient 86, you do see a man that recognizes that he did something wrong. That he needs help and is in a place to try to understand how his own brain is working. We see him clinging to her words and trying to understand where she's going with her treatment.

She explains that Khonshu is Ra's son.

"I explain my understanding of the two gods' dynamic to 86. Some of it comes from established myth, some from Freudian interpretation."

FREUDIAN. THEY ARE GOING FREUDIAN. This is a no Freud zone.

"Amon Ra represented the burning, blazing emblem of masculine virility that is the sun. In many cultures, the sun stands for the sovereignty of masculinity --logic and raw power. But in the New Kingdom of Egyptian lore it was his Adopted son Khonshu who was described as "Greatest God of the Great Gods."

(Nope. There was a brief Khonshu cult where they briefly played at worshiping the Moon instead of the sun. This was later put down and Ra resurged as the leading deity again. And it certainly wasn't the 'New Kingdom' path to look at him as the greatest of the great).

"Khonsu of the moon, a universal symbol for the redemptive power of insubordination--femininity and sensitivity. The Ras of this world resent becoming passe. It makes them angry. And they burn harder to spite their own impotence. Established society can't accept change. Can't accept that the old ways don't work anymore."

Oh good. Misogynistic teachings. Just what he needs.

"Something happened to you when you were young, dropped you into a sea of lost children. I believe what you're hiding from yourself was most likely some form of abuse."

She asks him to try to remember and he does remember abuse from the people in the army but also as a child being abused.

Now we have the utmost breach of doctor patient confidentiality.

"Finally, I reveal the tale of Marc Spector to 86. How a confused mentally unstable boy drew on the figurative power of the Moon to justify his nature.

Marc's transformation into the hero called Moon Knight...A role model for the bewildered.

I pass along all my endless research and documentation of his life since he was under my care, as well as several well-regarded books considering Egyptian mythology."

AHHHHHHHHHH.

"And madly enough, patient 86 gets it. It clicks in him. He sees how Spector, like him, was not just insane, but was truly immersed in a living myth. It was never the moon's fault that it shone so brightly."

Now we see Dr. Emmett having a nightmare.

She sits in a large empty and white office when she's suddenly attacked by mummies.

Moon Knight shows up to save her and rips apart the mummies.

But wait, it's not Moon Knight!

JESUS. I don't know why that reminded me. But this patient is purposefully drawn to resemble the white Christian version of Jesus. So that’s another contention I have with this comic.

I’m also 90% certain that that cat wasn’t white a few pages ago…

Alright, back at the asylum, we see a changed patient. He's more confident. More thoughtful.

She tells him he needs to be present and not dissociating into the void. She wants to continue his 'traditional therapy' as well as his "...studies."

He tells her that he knows who he is now.

She tells him that even if "the allegory of Khonshu brings you resolve, you still need medicine. You still need therapy."

"So, it's just a story now? I suppose Ra never let his wrath rain down on his errant son? That everything you taught me was an illusion?"

Suddenly she's back peddling. Saying she didn't teach him that. It's not what she was trying to get him to understand.

He asks her to leave. He has things to think about.

I mean, honestly what did she think was going to happen?

She has a patient that believes that he has been touched by the divine and has become godly. So she has given him a god that is involved in FIRE, the thing he is associating with god. She's basically given him a path to his own displacement!!

She FINALLY realizes that she can just go to the military hospital to try to figure out who he really is.

At the military medical facility, she talks to another doctor.

"I don't say this a lot about multiple murderers, but... If you're asking what I thought of the man, I'd have to admit he brought nothing but warmth to this place."

And that's the thing. He's a quiet and pleasant man. Introspective and not really possessing his own unique personality. He accepts what is put on him. A sort of trauma processing and self defense.

The doctor then explains that patient 86 signed up for the army under a forged alias. Okay. So that explains why they don't know who he is... But they could call him by that name instead of just 86.

While she's there, another patient runs up, having overhead who they were talking about.

He screams about how he was there and he saw what happened.

"We all know the truth. It was impossible. They had him tied up. Naked. How could he have possibly started that fire? No matches, no lighter. I know what he--"

The orderlies show up and of course pull him away.

At the same time she gets an emergency message from her own asylum telling her to get back there right away.

She gets back to find 's room covered in blood.

Her response?

"How could this be? Was it all for nothing? As a doctor, I believed I could make a difference. But again, I am just at the whim of the raw, elemental power of insanity."

NO. You most certainly are not at the whim of the power of insanity! THIS IS YOUR JOB. Your job is to help people who have mental health issues! Being a doctor in a mental health institution is HARD. You have the lives of people at their most vulnerable in your hands!

So what happened?

Another nurse tells Dr. Emmett: "We found him like this and immediately restrained him. So nobody else besides Nurse Hayworth could be hurt. ALso... There was no other way to retrieve her nose."

Cool. We're going Hannibal Lecter now? For dramatics? For shock value?

I'm not going to show you the comic picture here. I hate it. It hurts to look at. It's disgusting. It's clearly done for shock value.

But we see wrapped up in a restraint jacket with blood all over his face. Behind him he's drawn RANDOM vaguely Egyptian hieroglyphs in blood.

She asks him why he did it.

"When I revealed myself to her... She didn't believe me."

Dr. Emmett is confused. She thought he was a kind and compassionate man who had a terrible upbringing and didn't know who he was.

He tells her that she should know who he is since she taught it to him.

"Khonshu." She answers. Because she's an idiot.

"Khonshu is nothing next to me."

He bursts into flames, igniting the whole room.

"I wanted to speak to you before I go, but...I'll have to take leave of you now, Dr. E. Whatever made me the way I am is irrelevant. You brought me purpose. You showed me that I am--and always have been--A God."

"Dear Lord. Amon Ra."

He tells her that Khonshu is going to bow to him even if he has to crack his spine and so on and so on....

He leaves the hospital, leaving the doctor to die in the flames.

We see flashes of his past where he set fire to his abusers as a kid and again in the army. Fire caused by his own mind.

"He was always meant to become this. And now I know what trauma robbed him of his memories. Sometimes the sun gives birth to a bright brilliant Moon, changing us for the better. But sometimes it consumes us... And we burn, it becomes all we can see."

We cut to a shot of the hospital being on fire and emergency services there.

Look! They found a survivor in the flames! The commentary between the paramedics is disgusting. And the casual way they move to treat the survivor is also just disgusting.

We get to see the survivor and it's Dr. Emmett. Completely burned up but still alive. Again... shock value and I'm not going to show you the image here. But it's bad.

She is laughing and yelling about how she believes.

We see 86 walking away from the hospital down the road, happy, and also naked. I honestly don’t know why this became a thing in comics with naked guys all over the place. It’s obviously used as a way to elicit some sort of reaction from the reader. One of disgust, something to laugh at, or just “Oh no! The man is naked now!” I hate it.

Then we get a few pages from Khonshu. A recap on Marc's story.

It's not told right. But I will forgive it because it's told from Khonshu's point of view, and that asshole probably sees it this way. So... I suppose I'll turn a blind eye to how wrong the story is here.

You would see it as Marc begging, wouldn't you, you stupid pigeon.

"He became...A hero. He used my powers to fight crime. To find redemption. It only cost him his mind. You see, the criminals aren't the only thing Marc Spector fights. He also fights...

"The voices in his head. Marc Suffers from Multiple Personality Disorder."

I've said it before. It stopped being called Multiple Personality Disorder YEARS ago. This is lazy writing with no research. And coming off of Lemire's run, this is just insulting.

Also calling it 'voices in his head' is just outright pitiful.

"But given time, he has managed to make peace with those voices. Including mine. No, together, we are... MOON KNIGHT."

And that's the end of the issue.

We get an afterward from the author.

It angers me beyond words.

"Writing Moon Knight (not "a book like Moon Knight" or "Writing such a huge project for Marvel"...Writing Moon Knight) is a dream come true. I couldn't pick a better place in the Marvel U to inject my passion into, and it is the pinnacle of everything I've worked towards as a writer.

Anyone who treats a superhero comic as an easy paycheck needs to check themselves and realize why they're our most prevalent modern myths. Thank YOU (and my fam at Marvel) for letting me write this, supporting my previous work, and allowing me to make comics with someone as esteemed and talented as Jacen.

I only ask that if you enjoyed this somewhat bizarre issue, keep reading this book. I want to enjoy it with you. Maybe we can claw away at something horrible together.

It will not, however, be pretty.

-Thanks,

Max Bemis."

We also get an afterword by the artist, Jacen Burrows that notes that they are following in the wake of legends like Smallwood and Lemire as well as Ellis and Shalvey who worked hard to re-awaken Moon Knight after it's cancellation (see Bendis). They note that they are working to tell a new and defining chapter in his character and a thought-provoking, intense, and scary note in Marc Spector's life.

I'm going to go punch a wall now.

NEXT ISSUE! #189!

Here we go… issue two… Let’s get this…moldy… bread.

We open on... NYC Subway. We see a happy dude driving the subway car. As the car rolls into the station, a large man steps into the cab with him.

"Happy to have made it to Friday? The stench of your jubilance is offensive. But you're right to rejoice. Today you learn the truth."

He touches the driver's shoulder and slowly a blue beam over takes him and his eyes turn blood red and start to bleed. ...I'm not posting a picture.

"Tell me what you've learned by knowing me. I'm living in you now."

The driver starts to stammer and talk. "H...H..Humanity is perverse. Genocide is the comeuppance we deserve. There is no creator. Undebatable. Love is a contrivance. Undebatable. The white house is the death star. Twitter is a virus. And when the nukes raze everything we know...Only a fool would claim it wasn't our destiny."

Yeah... The large man calls himself "THE TRUTH" and has the ability to send these visions into the people he touches. It makes the driver hate everything and he starts up the car again, out to spread the truth.

We are back to Khonshu narrating.

"My name is Khonshu. Moon God of Egypt. I'm here to tell you a story about a mad vigilante named Marc Spector. Our tale finds us here, on a standard night for Marc, who, when dressed in all white and donning a cape, refers to himself as Moon Knight.

Marc has spent ten minutes decorating this bar with the blood of these drug dealers and slavers. The cacophony of snapping collarbones and pit-pattering plasma is like whale songs to him.

As the thud of a man being literally punted across the room sounds, Marc Spector is grateful for his life.

For the privilege of serving me. Khonshu, protector of travelers in the night.

You see, Marc Spector is crazy. But in the context of my blessing, he is, well...A 'Super Hero'."

I overlooked it before, considering it comes from Khonshu's narrative and Khonshu WOULD see things differently.... But I can't. I can't even attribute this to Khonshu. This is just tripe bullshit.

We're going to start fast forwarding here because... It just keeps going on like this. The old bird just doesn't shut up. He carries on for three pages and there is a LOT of text there.

We see Moon Knight beating up a bunch of guys to a bloody mess. Then we move down to see a bandaged up Marc heading up to his VERY run down, grungy, apartment building. He waves hello to some old lady behind the glass that runs the place.

He tells her he'll have the rent for her in the morning.

Khonshu again calls Marc having just recovered from a 'personal crisis' and taking his problems more seriously, like his struggle with 'multiple personality disorder'.

Khonshu boasts about how hard it is to live with a demigod in your head and that Marc has learned to 'live with his lunacy and wield it like a weapon'.

We see Marc ironing his Moon Knight outfit while watching TV.

Khonshu AGAIN talks about how Marc has learned to use his three distinct identities and that therapy has let him come a long way. About how Marc came to him begging to have his life saved and now Marc is his 'earthly champion'.

"Or perhaps he was a space cadet whose psychosis was triggered by being shot up and dried out in the baking middle east sun. Your call."

THIS IS WHAT YOU GOT FROM LEMIRE?! THIS?! How...How... HOW.

We now see Marc passed out in bed.

"Marc is ready to become someone else."

Yeah so… We got him ‘becoming’ Steven. Who talks to Khonshu. Sure. Fine. Whatever. Khonshu calls him Narcissistic and decadent.

FIRST OF ALL. Oh. You did NOT just come for Steven Grant. Oh we are going to have words now.

Steven Grant is a beautiful wonderful man who has dreams of charity, peace, and living the perfect life that he was EXPECTED to live as a child under his father’s role. He’s the ideal son he was supposed to be, but he keeps his eyes on what’s right and what’s wrong and has STRONG moral opinions. He takes care of the body because he HAS TO. Marc isn’t going to do it. If it wasn’t for Steven, they’d turn into a walking festering infection with broken bones and starve to death! Steven keeps them alive and HEALTHY. He is the epitome of the one that gives because he believes in living a good life as a good person.

Oh. Now you're gonna come for my boy Jake?! YEAH. YOU BETTER AVOID DISCUSSING HIM FOR NOW. I’LL BITE ANYONE THAT COMES FOR JAKE. (spoilers: I know exactly what he does with Jake later and I am furious).

Alright. Back to Patient 86, or RA as he's going to be called later for a bit.

We see him in a homeless shelter getting soup. He talks to various homeless people, prostitutes and druggies in an effort to locate someone. There are heavy implications in some of these images that he 'did things' to get the information he wanted. I’m not going to post them because of the nature of the way these people are being depicted.

Back with Khonshu and Steven. He's at some business meeting. He's made them a lot of money. Everyone is happy and celebrating. Apparently Steven goes to struggling companies and makes them VERY wealthy.

He's decided to donate his portion of the new wealth towards his "Lunar Lives" charity fund that feeds the displaced youth of New York.

Steven shrugs saying that money is boring and he finds it fun to toss it to places where it doesn't belong.

Sure, we'll go with that version of Steven Grant being a kind and charitable man.

The party is interrupted by news reports that a subway conductor committed suicide by crashing the car. The survivors of the crash are now apparently acting strange, "self mutilating" and acting violent towards the aid workers trying to help the scene.

Steven slips away from the party.

Moon Knight time.

But first, we go back to RA.

He's found the person he's looking for. He's guarded by thugs. After a little encounter, Ra sets fire to one of the thugs and heads up to meet the man.

Back at the subway crash, we see chaos as rescue workers try to put out the fire, help the injured, and deal with the ones that are suddenly acting violently.

And Khonshu is still going. It's an interesting choice. I'll give them that. Having Khonshu narrate instead of hearing at ALL from the Moon Knight system. I suppose it gives them bigger leeway when it comes to the unreliable narrator because Khonshu WOULD see things differently. An excuse to not depict Marc and the others correctly?

....But it still does swing widely and miss far too often.

"Quite familiar with all the things that make men weep and soil themselves, Marc Spector felt at home in these derelict tunnels."

We see Moon Knight walk past the crash and into the train tunnels.

"After too much time confined in a white room, the odor of dead rat fart and fungal growth actually calmed his busy brain. He was in his element-The inspector holmes of king fu madmen."

See, this is where it falls flat. If Steven is dealing with the business aspect, Marc isn't going to care about that room.

And again we get ANOTHER jab at Marc being 'insane' and liking the disgusting things and being more at home in dank and terrible places.

Perhaps Marc is more at home in sewers (there was a sewer man) than Steven or Jake... But it has nothing to do with his mental state. It's because, as Moon Knight, he isn't above things like that. He's not the perfect clean hero that Captain America or Iron man is. He's the man of the people that puts himself down there in the lowest parts because it's where he's needed.

Moon Knight rightly is able to look at the scene of chaos at the crash site and deduct that it's a psionic attack.

"Historically, he had found telepaths to generally be meek characters using their sway over the mind as compensation for physical frailty. Like sexually feeble men with muscle cars."

Unnecessary jab.

Now, as much as I dislike this art style, it's a choice and there is SOME merit to it. Look, here's a nice page.

Here’s a badly cropped version. I like the way they drew Moon Knight in the first two panels with the play of the light and shadows. That big angry dude down there is the Truth guy. And I cropped it there because under him is a bunch of guys he’s shown the truth to who are writhing on the ground, bleeding from the eyes and shouting terrible things.

Moon Knight goes in swinging and lands a few blows, trying to know him out to release the affected people from his psychic attacks.

The guy is pretty big and he takes the hits easily.

He manages to grab Moon Knight by the neck and starts to use his abilities on him.

So what truth does Marc see?

"I'm a mad circus clown... This is all for myself. There is no Moon God. Just another...Sick... Delusion..."

I...honestly can see Marc having that issue. It's an issue he's had before where he thinks this is all his own way to keep being violent and that Khonshu is just a product of his need to justify what he does.

Marc snaps himself out of the psychic attack by punching himself in the face.

And I forgot that Bemis has decided that Marc Spector is a masochist and he loves it.

Literally, it has Moon Knight yelling "Ghhh. I #@$% Love it!"

He attacks the Truth again, slicing him up with his crescent darts and landing blows.

The Truth remains standing.

Moon Knight decides to look inward for help.

"Not having a lot of luck here, Fellas. Khonshu's more of a talker and this guy's power set is the real deal. Grant's useless...Doubt the Truth is looking for stock tips."

(I forgot that Bemis considers Khonshu to be his own version of an Alter without being an alter? That he just lives in their head.)

UGH. Yep. Here we go. This is what he's done to Jake.

"I'm gonna need..." And Moon Knight lets out a scream of rage as Marc steps out and tells Jake to "Do your worst."

Apparently... Bemis has decided that Jake is the wild card, violent, unpredictable, and brutal. Worse than Marc for some reason. That Jake is the powerhouse of hits...

I honestly has no idea why he went this route when MARC of all people has always been the one to be the guy that doesn't go down and always hits back. It just makes no sense.

What even.

Jake comes right at the Truth, spits a tooth in his face, then challenges him.

"You want to step into Jake Lockley's mind, you gigantic freak? I @#$% Dare you.

You met Marc. Marc's disturbed as hell. Now imagine that he took all the worst parts of himself and let them fuse into a living person. Now go ahead and taste MY truth, you leech."

I HAVE SO MANY THINGS TO SAY ABOUT THIS.

DISSOCIATIVE IDENTITY DISORDER DOESN’T WORK THAT WAY. It’s not making people out of things! You don’t go “Well I hate that I burn all the cakes so I’m going to make this person my cake burning person!” ALSO Marc isn’t that bad either! Marc did terrible things, but Marc is also the hardest on himself! Marc could burn a cake and then use it as proof that he’s the worst person in the world! And Jake ISN’T a bad person! Jake is a good kind loving man with friends and a good heart and I’M SO ANGRY RIGHT NOW.

And the whole time, you see ghostly Marc off to the side looking less than pleased at the situation and reminding Jake that "You're not allowed to kill him, Jake."

And the Truth pulls away in pain.

"Dear God. The things...The things you've done."

WHAT?! WHAT DID JAKE DO?! DRINK HOT COFFEE AND BURN HIS TONGUE?! DID HE PLAY BALL WITH ONE OF THE LOCAL KIDS AND MISS THE HOOP!? DID HE DOUBLE PARK HIS CAB!?

Truth is still reeling. "He has no idea...Does he? You blind him to your foul actions! I'll tell him, you fool! I'll tell him about..."

and Jake cuts Truth off by shoving two crescent darts into his eyes. Yeah...they got an eye thing in this run. I'm not a fan.

Jake gives the body back to Marc, who instantly wants to know what Truth was talking about.

He chastises Jake for his actions and tells him that he's going to get a talking to about this later.

And Marc makes a bad pun about "The Truth Hurts" over the unconscious Truth.

Khonshu and Steven shake their heads at him and Marc claims to be the funny man.

whoopy doo.

With the Truth gone, the afflicted people seem to be recovering now.

Back at RA's part of the story, he finally makes it upstairs to to see the guy he's been looking for.

Oh. Oh no. I forgot about this. I totally wiped it from my mind.

We see someone sitting at a chair. Ra tells him that he's been put here to destroy Khonshu.......

"As a manifestation of his father, Ra, I am offended that he continues to breathe and spread his gospel of dissent through a foul Avatar. A HEBREW, no less. I want your help to end Marc Spector."

I'm... I'm going to take a minute here.

I want to make a few things Very...VERY clear.

I don't care who the fuck is writing this, how they were raised, or where they stand with things now.

This is not okay. Not in a comic book, not in real life, and not in any sense of the word.

We have a figure who is CLEARLY styled to look like a Jesus figure that believes he is the Egyptian god Ra. We have him out to destroy Moon Knight because 1. He works with Khonshu and 2. He is a 'Hebrew'.

This is just disgusting.

And to put it in a comic. Where people of all ages read it and think that it's okay.

Maybe you had some teen or young adult that was identifying with the bad guy. It happens. They see a bad guy that came from a bad situation and they root for them or fantasize what it would be like to burn things like they do. And they start spitting hate like this. Violence towards Jewish people. You are giving them permission to hate a people too. To blame them. To look at them as inferior.

Or maybe you have a young naive kid that has never heard talk like this before and suddenly "Hebrew" becomes a slanderous hateful word. Congrats. You've just turned that kid into always associating that word with bad and disgusting things. It's only a step away from becoming antisemitic in their life.

I just... I can't. I can't even begin to tell you how much this is painful to see. To see Marvel allow this as a company. A company founded on Jewish people. To see Moon Knight as a comic, based around a Jewish system that was originally designed to be about dealing with trauma and hate and pain and finding a way to get better and continue to find the light in the dark.

Anyways... Back to the comic...

The man behind the chair is eager to take down Marc Spector, but he knows it takes more than a man. So Ra sets the place on fire to show off his skills.

The man stands up, impressed.

Oh look... It's Bushman.

A very poorly drawn Bushman that BARELY makes it past the caricature of an old racist cartoon black man. And it only gets worse from there. And as much as Bushman is the bad guy and used to (USED TO) be Marc's biggest enemy... This version of him only goes downhill from here. And we've moved on from antisemitism to racism.

fun times for all....

Oh good. This issue is done.

Can you tell I’m regretting this decision yet?

You know what? I’ve got a question for you to think about! We can all get mad at Bemis. We can point at his horrible story and all the terrible things he wrote about (and boy howdy are there more and they get worse as we go on)... But what about the art?

As MacKay said “Art can make or break a comic”. You can have the most beautiful story in the world and then have it drawn like shit. So who decided to make everything gory and bloody and shocking? Who decided to make Bushman into…THAT? Did Bemis say “I want you to make him look like this” and then pull up a 1940s comic? Or did Burrows make this call all on his own? Are there really two people to blame for these comics? Can we be angry at the artist too?

I’m already pretty pissed at the editors that let this happen… But who drew this?

Jacen Burrows started working with Warren Ellis in 2000. Ah... That explains some of the gore.

Also illustrated adaptations of Alan Moore. Yup. That explains the gore. Those two have very specific styles that usually translate into a lot of gore.

Oh yup. He's also worked a lot with Garth Ennis.

So we've got three of the four most graphic big name comic writers there. This explains a lot.

I don't have much on his personal life, or things that would show WHY he drew things this way... Perhaps it was direction or perhaps it was choice. Looking at some of his other works, they don't all look like this. So who knows?

NEXT ISSUE! #190!

I don’t want this bread. Send it back. I want different bread.

You know what? Why even bring Bushman into this?

This is a move designed to pull the old fans back in and to elicite "OH MAN" emotions from people. And it is not done well.

Bushman started as the big bad. He was the one that worked with Marc as a mercinary and the one that killed him. He's shown up a few times over the years, putting fear into Marc as Bushman threatened his friends. Then Marc killed him (and cut off his face).

So why bring him back? He's done. Marc has burried this particular thing of the past. He's a memory of a ruthless and brutal time.

And what they do with him here is just... They mock him. They make that memory into something grose and shameful.

You'll see in a bit.

So the next issue opens on some look backs at Moon Knight through the ages. We've seen this before. Other one shots and annuals have touched on the other Knights of Khonshu.

This time we see it through Ra's eyes.

"And so it has been since the days the gods themselves walked the earth. Ra and Khonshu, vengeful father and errant son. Warring for the very soul of the world, reborn again and again through earthly avatars. And in every instance....Ra is humbled. Shamed."

....Did Bemis even do mythological research? Is he just going based on "Ah yes, the sun and the moon!"

I'm no Egypt mythology expert, but I can tell you this... Khonshu (or Khonsu as it's really supposed to be spelled) is the son of Amun and Mut. Amun and Ra used to be two different gods but eventually merged into Amun-Ra when two big cities rose to power. He was then attributed with being the king of all.

Khonsu is often depicted as a child! He's drawn with a side-ponytail, which is the "sidelock of youth" and depicts youth in ancient art.

At first Khonsu was incredibly violent. He absorbed other gods' powers by eating their organs. Eventually, he was changed to a mellow god of Time, Measurement, and prosperity.

As I mentioned before, there was a brief period when a popular city worshiped Khonsu as the superior god, but it didn't last and Ra was put back in power when that city fell.

So Bemis clearly didn’t do any research into how the story originally goes. I’m not surprised.

He babbles almost incoherently about Karma and balance and how Khonshu always wins because the Sun God failed to find a proper Avatar.

He says Ra is here to break the cycle and bring order back to mankind. Because mankind needs discipline and order.

"I'm not like those who came before me. I'm not like you, victims of Khonshu's pride. I was born with the flame within me."

So apparently this is a big speech to some henchmen. Or just a bunch of guys looking to get revenge on Moon Knight? Unclear.

Ra's speech done, who is now known as the Sun King, Bushman gives his own speech.

He admits that he now lives his life dealing crack and isn't at his best.

"Marc Spector...Scares the crap out of me, simply put, I don't want to die again. I wouldn't come near Moon Knight with a ten-foot pole at this point, but with Sun King's determination and power?"

He tells them that with Sun King's fire, they can take down Moon Knight.

Sure.

Back to Mr. Spector himself... We see him meditating and holding a little talk with Jake.

Still we get Khonshu's narration:

"The inside of Marc Spector's head is a picturesque, violent landscape touched by Egyptian mythology, Judaic folklore and Fragments of his past."

I have so much I want to argue about with this that I don't even know where to start.

So we see an abstract headscape here. Marc has Jake in a boxing ring and is beating the crap out of him.

He's angry at Jake for keeping things from him and he wants answers.

And here we get a childish depiction of their argument that holds no research and insulting implications.

It's supposed to be funny. It has a certain charm to it that a much much younger me might have found agreeable, but older me has learned a lot and it just makes me tired. And upset at the character assassination that has been happening to my good buddy Jake.

I'm also upset at the implication that Jake is just 'a piece of Marc'. The parts Marc didn't want.

So they continue to fight while Khonshu and Steven watch. Steven is upset at their fighting and tries to get them to stop.

Jake takes a bad blow. "Look, Steven is the wealthy benefactor. Khonshu is our connection to the bigger picture. You're the voice of reason. And I deal in the grimy leftovers. You BUILT us this way."

I hate it. Marc didn't BUILD them. He didn't sit down one day and decide to make other people to hold things! It also depicts Khonshu as being an altar.

While I've often toyed with that idea, it's always been clear from day one that Khonshu is NOT another aspect in their head. There IS a good chance that they have someone that has been formed as a fictive or even a persecutor in the form of Khonshu... But that's an argument for another day. For the sake of this review, Khonshu himself has always been an outside force!

ALSO. Marc. Marc Spector. The voice of reason?! How do you get a character SO WRONG that you are writing a whole comic book for? When has Marc Spector EVER been the voice of reason?

Jake puts Marc in a sleeper hold and threatens to "put you to sleep" if Marc doesn't chill out.

"It's not your fault that your mind ended up like this. All we can do is embrace the crazy and let you move on with your life. Which means you need to trust me, Marc. Capiche?"

I have always been a huge fan of the implication that because of their unique mental health issues, DID, and dealings with Khonshu, along with repeated trauma and death, that the Moon Knight system has the ability to surpass expectation and use these things as secret weapons. The number of times people have attacked them mentally and just been destroyed is amazing. I love it.

THIS. This I hate. "Embrace the crazy". This is clearly the message Bemis got from Lemire's run. That they went through all that so that they could be crazier and use it as a wild card. NO. Just no.

Anyways, Marc and Jake make up and relax while Steven hugs Khonshu in the background in celebration.

We now to go the Sun King, who is knocking on a door to a fancy looking house.

And who answers the door? Marlene Alraune.

For those that don't know, Some time after Moench left Moon Knight, Marlene also left them. When Moon Knight picked up again for the Houston run, Marlene came back, but it was a rocky relationship. She left them again, saying she couldn't be with them for her own health.

Sun King poses as a charity drive door to door person and while Marlene is getting her check book, he notices a picture on the wall. He freaks out and calls in Bushman.

Marlene is famliar with Raoul Bushman. He's the man that killed her father, after all. The one that killed Marc and started it all.

Bushman notices the picture and taunts Marlene.

He calls her a damsel-in-distress. This has never been the case. Marlene has NEVER been a damsel-in-distress. As much as I harp on her from the old days, that girl could take care of herself! Half the time she was the one rescuing Moon Knight!

So to see her passive and not knowing how to fight or take care of herself? No.

We head back to Moon Knight, who is fighting a bunch of "disabled gentlemen", most of which are missing arms and legs and the such. It's implied they work for Bushman and Moon Knight is to blame for their missing pieces. hmm.

While fighting, he gets a phone call. In typical "My ex" fashion, the caller ID says "Do NOT pick up, Psychopath! Let it go!"

Hm.

He answers. Khonshu is not pleased by this but Marc can't help but answer. It says that Marc is still obsessed with her.

He's super happy to hear from her.

Marlene tells him that she's missed him and wants him back in her life.

She attempts to warn him, telling him that maybe it's best if he didn't come over, but Sun King is there and puts the squeeze on her.

Marc is far too eager to go meet up.

I'M GOING TO PUT A PAUSE ON THIS FOR A SECOND.

This is something that has bothered me for AGES and this is the run that started it. (Bemis. Always blame Bemis. But there is also another writer that messed it up too. I'll get to that MUCH later.)

Moench originally wrote that Marlene was in love with Steven.

Jake was incredibly indifferent to Marlene. ANy time they interacted, he treated her as a friend, but was more interested in headint to Gena's. Jake was not into the fancy rich life and how she wanted to live.

Marlene hated Marc Spector. Marc was violent, had a dark past, and was involved in her father's death, her brother's death, and various other tragedies.

If Marlene was going to do anything, it would NOT be Marc. OR JAKE. It would be Steven. In the whole Moench run, she always insisted in calling them Steven. She wanted them to just be Steven and give up the other lives.

BACK TO THE COMIC.

We see a flashback of Marc and Marlene on a raft.

"From the first time you saw me? Huh. Even though I was some mercenary who hadn't showered for a week?"

BULL. SHIT. The first time Marlene saw him, he was working with Bushman and had imprisoned them all, then her father had been killed. The first time she spoke to Marc I'm pretty sure she either told him off or he was dying and she was happy because she thought he'd killed her father.

He's telling her the story of when he had to kill his own brother. (he's not telling the story right). Then he talks about his dead girlfriend and other trauma from his past.

What makes me mad is that this is conceivable. We have Marc Spector (Marc, not the other two) talking to Marlene about his past, his trauma. It’s possible that over time she could have decided to get to know Marc. That she realized that Marc is not just a murdering scary man and made peace with the fact that she needs to know him if she wants to be with Steven. It’s possible that she got him to open up and tell her his trauma and what made him what he is now. It’s even possible she started to date him too. I can get behind that! It’s growth for BOTH Marc and Marlene.

And I wish this was how it was done. How it was left. I wish that they had this growth. That Marc and Marlene could become closer. That he and Steven learned to trust one another so much that they learned to be with Marlene and share. But this isn’t how Bemis does it.

We are back in the now and Marc shows up at Marlene's with flowers and a suit.

He tells her she looks great. He really thinks they are getting back together. Denial is a land that Marc Spector is king of.

And Sun King is standing in the dining room waiting for him.

Sun King pretends to be Marlene's boyfriend who has been living with her.

He tells Marc that Marlene told him all about how he was Moon Knight. It's not like this is a big secret. Marc was only mildly into secret identities. He wasn't very good at it.

And Marc isn't taking this well. While Sun King pretends to be a guy that's with Marlene, he then starts to talk about how someone else has been 'getting with Marlene.'

He tells Marc to ask Jake Lockley.

And in the inner world, Marc is a giant monster pissed off and turning on Jake.

Not how that works. But sure. Why not. Also, let’s propagate the notion that DID promotes distrust in the system and that there’s an evil alter that goes around doing things behind their back like this.

AND THIS. This is disgusting.

She claims to have never stopped loving him and was so desperate for him that she got with Jake?! Not the same person! You don't get a hankering for Marc and go for Jake instead!

And then the notion that Jake came to her telling her to keep it a secret?!

And then telling them that Jake was never "warm". That Jake has evil in him and he just didn't stand up to Marc?!

WHY IS JAKE The EVIL ALTER!? He isn't. Jake Lockley is a loving kind and caring man. He goes to Gena's every day and asks her how her kids are doing. He feeds the homeless. He makes friends with the people on the street.

And she tells Marc that she tried to break it off with Jake but it was too late and she couldn't do it alone.

And that's when Bushman shows up.

Yep. There’s the daughter. And the fact that she calls him “Uncle Jake” and not “Dad” despite the obvious implication that Jake has been in her life for a long time…

Maybe they were trying to protect her from the Moon Knight curse but not letting people know she was his daughter… But still…

Her name is Diatrice. She has pink hair.

This is the ONE thing that came out of Bemis that is kinda okay.

It isn't till MacKay gets his hands on her that I actually started to like her. She's a force.

I admit, change scares me. And I've been jaded by the "We have to introduce a child to keep it interesting!" concept that show-runners and authors seem to have. I was also so incensed by Bemis' terrible writing that I took the stance of HATING Diatrice when I first saw her.

But it was bad writing. And give her to a good writer and she can do such wonderful things.

When Jed MacKay got to put her in a story, she was smart, she was fiesty, and she embraced her dad. More so, he embraced her.

Amazing what happens when someone does something not for the shock value.

And now we move to the next issue. Good. Great. I hate the art. I hate how weepy Marlene is here. Old Marlene would have been pissed. She would not have put up with this shit. She was smart. She would have found a way to warm him. To do something. I honestly can’t tell if this is misogynistic or just BAD writing? Maybe both?

Issue #191.

So the cover is the famous picture of the farmers. It's supposed to depict family homesteading life.

In the real picture, it's not well known, but it is the farmer and the daughter, NOT his wife. Just a little art knowledge there for you.

So we are back to Khonshu narrating.

I don't even know what he's narrating. Something about gods and the power structure of gods and his moon battle against the sun. Something about the moon representing mythical and birth and creation and then sun representing the psychopath and the ground and humans.

Not even mythologically correct in...ANY culture as far as I'm aware. At least none of the one's I've read about. Maybe in some. I don't know. But I doubt very much if there is, Bemis knows about it.

He also starts talking about evil and angels and devils. Dude has got his theology mixed up.

Also, Marc should be a bit more upset about seeing Bushman here. They have...HISTORY.

(There she is. There’s the Marlene I know and care about.)

So everything is on fire. Marc grabs Diatrice and gets her out.

He tells Marlene to get out. She just stands there DESPITE THERE BEING A SLIDING GLASS DOOR BEHIND HER.

He tells Diatrice to go find a place to hide, he has to go help Marlene.

She asks him if he's crazy because you're supposed to run away from fire.

He just looks at her before going back inside.

Marlene is still standing there with a sliding glass door directly behind her and fire in front of her. I don't even....

Marc calls out Raoul Bushman while he fights the henchmen.

"You're such a %$#@!!!"

Roul shoots him in the shoulder. Marc doesn't care. He knocks the gun out of his hand and slams his face into the wall.

Sun King sets Marc on fire. Marc strips down to his skivvies and throws his burning pants into Sun King's face.

Yeah. I can see Moon Knight (especially Marc) doing this. It's a good fighting tactic. It's a good depiction of Marc's talent for hard combat with quick thinking. (See? I can see the good too. Still angry, but there is soooooome good.)

See… It isn’t beneath Marc. This guy pretends to know Marc because of the terrible psychologist and being connected to ‘Ra’. But this isn’t beneath Marc. This is classic Marc fighting.

So they now face one another.

"What are YOU supposed to be?"

"I am Ra's chosen sword. Here to strike you down. I'm the Sun King."

"....Of course you are."

"My purpose is to make your death a mockery. In fact, I wouldn't be doing my job if I just struck you down. It's gotta be so tragic that it means something."

He goes on like this for a hot (LOL) minute. Honestly, Marc's heard it all before. This isn't the first time he's fought a guy with delusions of whatever he's got going on.

At this point Diatrice shows up again and is pissed off that her swing set is on fire.

Marc grabs her and makes a run for it.

He asks her what her name is. She tells him Diatrice and that he already knows that.

Marc is just caught up in the weird name.

"Mommy let me change my name to whatever I wanted!"

Which is super just... Considering she could never even bother to get Marc, Jake, or Steven's name right... Way to go Marlene I guess?

Marc feels the same way.

It's at this point that he runs BACK into the burning house holding his child for some reason? There's a note on the wall "We have your queen."

Well, Marlene's been kidnapped. Not the first time.

Probably for the best, honestly, considering she couldn't figure out how to use ANY of the exits that were surrounding her.

Back at Marc Spector's apartment, we find Marc failing real hard at talking to his daughter.

So this means that Marlene told her that JAKE was not her dad and that her dad was a super hero. Meaning she pretty much told her that Marc was her father.

Look. I know a couple of systems that have children. How they choose to discuss their DID with their children is up to them. Some chose not to discuss it at all until the kid is old enough to understand difficult concepts like this. But they also don’t hide it. None of the systems I know hide it from their children. The kids just learn to recognize the different members of the system, and to them, they are all “Mommy” or “Daddy” because that is the role that they inhabit while present.

It falls back to the whole “Hold your system accountable” aspect of being a functioning system. It means that they hold each other responsible and they all understand that they have a child and must function as a parental figure to protect and care for their child.

So the fact the Marlene is telling her that one of them is the dad and not the other… Hiding it from one and that Jake hid it from them. There is a disconnect here that is damaging and insulting.

So we see her argue with Marc about him not being a super hero. He doesn't look or act like Captain America, he can't fly, and he looks tired and smells funny.

He declares it was an 'off day'.

But, it's what I love about Moon Knight in general. He's just a guy. He has zero powers. He's even a bit of an idiot sometimes. He's just a guy out there that takes a lot of beatings and has a lot of trauma that he works out while wearing a mask.

As they talk, we see Jake, Steven, and Khonshu in the background watching.

Honestly, fair. I have seen systems be put in situations where perhaps a member they don't really trust yet is present in a situation that could be dangerous to them in general. Perhaps a little is present when they shouldn't be. Perhaps a high trauma holder is present in a potentially triggering situation. Or perhaps a persecutor that has a history is out around a member of the family that they don't trust them to be around.

You'll have the protectors and gate keepers VERY close by monitoring and ready to step in if need be.

At least this is true in the systems I've spoken to. Feel free to sound off if you have other experiences. I love to hear from systems about their own experiences and how they handle the family situation.

So now that they've argued on if Marc is or is not actually a super hero, she asks about her mom.

He assures her that she isn't going to die because he's going to save her and "seriously hurt those bad guys".

She asks if he likes Katy Perry. He says no. He asks if she likes Dazzler.

So they put on a record of Dazzler and have some bonding time while Jake keeps watch.

We head out to a high security prison to find some guards chatting.

One of the guards is missing an eye and wearing an eye patch.

He heads to a cell and asks the person inside to head to the city and get revenge for him. He wants him to kill Bushman.

Hey look, The Truth guy is back.

Considering the Truth guy ALSO got his eyes stabbed out... I'm not sure how he's walking around like that without any training or aid or anything...

Also, this guy was seriously not that impressive as a bad guy. He's just big and has a 'scary' design to him. I'm not impressed by this attempt to make a recurring bad guy. It's just not an impressive reveal of a returning bad guy.

So the Truth heads out of the jail easy peasy.

Back in Marc's apartment, Diatrice is asleep and Marc is holding a meeting in the head space.

You've got Marc, Jake, Steven, and Khonshu on a platform with Cthulhu in the background. I don't know. Do they think that the head space can just conjure anything based on need or emotion? Maybe it does? Maybe it doesn't? I Don't know.

Apparently this is a recurring thing Khonshu does because Jake tells him "Khonshu... Don't you be giving me that "Cthulhu" Bullshit. Not you." And Steven agrees. "He's kind of right. We can't just use squids to explain all weird things in this world."

You ready for this? I bet you aren’t.

Yeah I… I’m gonna… I am not touching this. I don't have the time or energy to sit down and type up a whole manifesto on what's wrong with this page.

And this is where the now famous line comes from:

Also let’s add some eating disorders to the mix. Why not? Do you have a disorder and feel left out? Don’t worry! I’m sure Bemis will get to that too! Not to mention there is a very underhanded homosexuality jab mixed in with that too! Blink and you’ll miss it, but this is a common way for older shows and media to take a jab at how wrong the GBLTQ world was. Make the villain have some latent homosexual tendencies, usually towards the main hero of the show.

So now we see Busman, Truth, and Sun King hanging out.

Truth is following them now, though apprently he sometimes accidentally uses his powers.

They review a map and discuss where they want to go.

Bushman tells them about a "Backwards tribe that I 'liberated' before we took over."

Yeah cause that's... Hmmm.

They decide to go t that island to start a "new eden".

Sun King tells Marlene the plan in a gloating fashion.

"You've gone so far as to tie up a super hero's girlfriend and you're bragging to her about your evil plan.

You're not profound. You're a linkless wikipedia reference waiting to happen."

Well, at least she gets that jab in.

"Perhaps that's so. But I'm still going to kill your child while her dad looks on. Just to prove the uselessness of his cause."

He tells Marlene he's going to use her to lure Marc to his doom. He also asks Truth to create an army.

Back with Marc, he is telling her about Frenchie.

Look, I've always been a big Jean-Paul Duchamp fan. I love him. It breaks my heart that things went the way they did and he eventually left Marc and they had a huge falling out. But I am happy Frenchie found love and has his own chance to be happy.

Do not bring my poor Frenchie into this world of Bemis.

…I’m sorry, did Marc just describe Frenchie as “A father figure”?! In what universe? Who are these people that think he’s a father figure to him?!

So Marc has called in Frenchie to baby sit Diatrice while he goes off to save Marlene.

I'm just sighing right now. Because it's been established that Frenchie is not talking to Marc anymore. He isn't adventuring anymore.

Frenchie lost both his legs in a mission gone wrong. He fell in love with his PT person and now they run a restaurant together. While Frenchie still misses the adventures, he also is tired of the PTSD and the pain that follows Moon Knight.

This is just shoddy editing by team Marvel.

Also this...

And this is how they ended this issue. Cliffhanger dead zombie Frenchie. Why is he in scrubs?

(It's at this point that I realized that Tumblr would only let me upload 30 images and I was going to have to break this up into more than two long ass posts. I'm so very very sorry.)

Part two will be linked very soon. Until then, I'm going to thank you for sticking around this long and hope you finish this rage filled adventure with me.

I'm going to admit that I am biased in not just hating Bemis, but also hating this art.

There are places for art like this. I've seen it utilized well in comics where the nature of the comics stands very well with this sort of art. Punisher Max for instance. For those that don't know, Punisher Max is a stand alone version of Frank Castle that was created in order to depict the ultra violence that Frank Castle is capable of in his search for justice and his never ending war.

The problem is that Moon Knight has gotten a reputation for being incredibly violent and unpredictable. You can probably thank Houston for that, but I'm sure the problem dates back to the 90s (always blame the 90s).

On the one hand, Marc is a former soldier, mercenary, and has anger issues. On the other hand, people have been using the excuse that "He's insane, of course he's going to be violent and unpredictable."

This has, most unfortunately, attracted writers like Bemis to the comic and then recruited artists that are more adept at drawing shocking gore or acts.

And even worse, this has attracted in a VERY specific fan base that reads comics looking for the gore, action, and hyper violence. They pick up an issue of Moon Knight, that has traditionally been based around dealing with mental health, classism, depression, and political issues.

These sorts of readers are easy to spot. They will list issues like Bemis, Aaron, and Bendis as their favorite issues. They will complain that newer stuff is boring or that they can't read the old stuff because it's too chatty. They want the action. they want to see Marc ripping a man's face off and biting out their throats.

Things like this are what goad on the perpetuation of Mentally I'll people being dangerous and scary and untrustworthy.

I'll touch on it more next time, but when we see things like this, it's so important that we don't put up with it. That we tell the big companies that Marvel, DC, and so on that we won't stand for this. That they are the problem. Don't put up with things like this. Don't put up with Bemis.

...Also I just really hate this art style. Every page feels SO static. Everyone is always just standing around grinning at things. Maybe I was spoiled by Bill Sienkiewicz, Declan Shalvey, Smallwood, and Alessandro Cappuccio. These people made even standing still look beautiful and full of life. They knew that sometimes just having Moon Knight standing in the rain could say more than words ever could.

PART TWO HERE.

Let's finish this bread.

#Moon Knight #Moon Knight comics #Analyzing the comics #BEMIS #This is a labor of love/hate you guys #Please it took me so long #It was so painful #I'm doing this for you #We can't just ignore it anymore #We have to understand the bad comics so that they don't happen again #We have to call this bull shit out

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