#born to draw and write gay things

[solnishscrem]

AND FOR WHAT. FOR WHAT!!!!!

[campbell-rose]

Ok ok i'm a liar oops. Saw the Millie short (I have thoughts) and the season 2 trailer and i had to do my poor sweet underdeveloped bird girls justice.

Octavia is virtually the same personality wise, except she has hobbies that Stolas is completely unaware of but Stella supports fully. Specifically taxidermy, which Stella finds fascinating. I don't vibe with the design after staring at it for a while, but this was just a doodle and potential colors, i'll have to draw Stolas and then figure out her colors.

In demon lore, Andrealphus teaches lots of things, but he is said to teach astronomy, so i decided Stella (as her name would suggest) is very knowledgable on the subject and star gazes. I gave her a galaxy esc dress similar to Stolas's s1 ep7 outfit and changed her colors a bit.

They have a good mother/daughter bond in this because if Viv can't write a good mother figure then I'll do it myself dammit.

Stella is basically now all the fan theories before she was boiled down into a shitty one dimensional abuser to make the uwu gay bird sympathetic with a bit of my input.

She is the younger sister of Andrealphus, who married her to Stolas as a way of moving up in the world - as Stolas is a Prince and Andrealphus is a rank below him as a Marquis. Stella initially was distraught but tried to be good. She tried to find common ground, seeing as both her and Stolas liked stars, but they never clicked fully. When Octavia was born, Stella shifted her attention to her and started being passive aggressive to Stolas, letting her years of anger out on him in little jabs. Things along the line of her throwing a not divorced party but she doesn't loudly insult him in front of her guests.

When Stolas cheats on her with an imp, she's fucking furious. She's given up her entire life to this man, to bring her family name higher and her husband cheats on her with an IMP. The lowest of the lower class, and now her gossipy high society friends she's spent years getting into the good graces of will know. So she's a mix of fucking furious and just a tinge hurt. She's not justified btw, i just want to show her side of things for once because Viv is allergic to developing female characters.

She adores Octavia in my version. Utterly adores her. So of course she takes Octavia and tries to keep her away from Stolas as much as possible. She loves her daughter and wants to raise her better than she was raised.

That's all I might do a Sallie May and Millie redesign again who knows

[bloodheartz]

gimmw your gfalls hcs NOEWWW

oh god! I have soooo many but i'll put some basic ones down for the pines family rn and probably add on to this later ^_^

Dipper

◇ First of all this boy is absolutely autistic. My little autistic ass acted so much like him as a kid, I mean, what autistic 12 year old wouldn't base their entire summer around a weird book full of monsters they found?

◇ I think he's a trans dude and aro/ace, and that his crush on Wendy was more comphet than anything. I'm not really a fan of any ship involving him but I think platonic dipcifica could be cute.

◇ Cryptozoology/The Paranormal is absolutely his main special interest, but he also has an sp/in in computers/comp sci (but he's honestly not great at computer stuff).

Mabel

◇ AuDHD Queen! I think her main special interest is absolutely arts / crafts, I mean look at all the silly things she makes throughout the series as well as her dedication to handmaking dozens of puppets/props/etc as well as writing and entire play to impress her crush of the week in Sock Opera. ◇ I think sexuality wise she's not straight but prefers to be unlabelled. I also like to think she's the type to collect xenogenders / neopronouns like pokemon cards. ( she totally uses a bunch of cat-based pronouns) ◇ Shortly after the series I think she'd get a little less Boys-Crazy and focus more exploring who she is as a person / her self expression. Absolutely is gonna have a mall goth/emo/scene phase (she's smushing all three of those together into one thing for herself).

(I also think Mabel and Dipper were born identical twins)

Grunkle Stan

◇ Also AuDHD, not quite sure what his big main special interest would be but he's absolutely hyperfixated on Ducktective. Also going off the story in Lost Legends I think he'd absolutely be getting into making comics / drawing in general (even if hes not great at it). Post series I think he'd spend a lot of his free time out at sea drawing in the boat's cabin. Mostly making comics of silly re-tellings of he and Ford's adventures out at Sea (he absolutely shows Dipper and Mabel these if he and Ford video calls them when they're on land) ◇ I'm a transfem Stanley truther. He doesn't really realize/come to terms with it until post-series. I think she'd just grow out her hair and throw it in a pony-tail + use she/he pronouns to transition. She'd still use the name Stanley and be fine with both masc/fem terms (ie fine be called a man or a woman). Also he's bisexual (but has known this since he was like a teen, even if he didn't have the words to label it.) ◇ I think his Popsicle addiction from the unaired pilot is real and canon. Old autistic men love popsicles just look at my dad and grandfather.

Ford

◇ oh boy its projection time (i am a stanford pines fictive) 😈😈😈

◇ Transmasc, somewhere under the nonbinary umbrella but very guy adjacent. Mainly uses he/him pronouns but I think he'd use "it" and "they" aswell. Gay and Arospec as well. ◇ Autism + NPD + Schizophrenia wombo combo. He's sooooo NPD coded its INSANE, I am going to write an essay about it in the future. Goes without saying that his special interests are the paranormal and various sciences, but I think he has a hardcore love for the arts as well. ◇ Going off both the autism and arospec HC- I think he's the type to convince himself he has a crush very easily, when in reality he just has a strong admiration / platonic love for those in question, and had strong platonic feelings for McGucket back in college that he confused for romantic ones (projecting 100000000%) (i think the Stan twins were fraternal twins)

[palin-tropos]

“disco elysium fans ignore the themes for gay ships” I am adding the crunchiest themes with my gay ship thoughts I could write a dissertation on mazovian yaoi already. I could say so much about what the game does when it thematically ties “communism” and “love”. from the mazovian socio-economics thought: “[communism] hasn't really worked out yet, but neither has *love*—should we just stop building love, too?” 

I could say a lot about the extremely conflicted relationship that communism seems to have with raw human emotion, on the one hand it’s the foundation of everything. revolution is built on rousing up emotion, and the end goal is some kind of euphoria-utopia, phrases like “hope in work and joy in leisure” in the game remind you of that. the total fulfillment that is longed for and promised. the end of alienation is about emotion

but then there is a sort of terror that human emotion will cause reaction and undermine the cause and needs to be controlled, guided by a firm hand, manipulated, that it can’t just be let loose on the world. that it’s careless emotion that draws people away from the cause and towards the allure of other ideologies. intellectual rigor is needed to resist it all. critique, critique, critique

and love is one of the most terrifying and uncontrollable emotions, especially romantic love for another person. it’s such a deep form of interpersonal connection and yet it’s often destructive of a person’s true self in the name of an idealized image born of that intense emotion (and oh boy does disco elysium have things to say about that). it defies critique, it sings its own song, it blooms from within and overtakes all reason

lashing the themes of love and communism together, from the lurid tales of eight hour sex to the explicit and possible relationships between historical figures... war crimes committed not for the sake of power but in an achillean (in both ways) rampage, institutions and systems like décomptage being founded from a romantic partnership, characters whose passion for the cause is mingling with potential attraction and devotion to each other, the hanged man was killed by communism but love did him in—

it’s about emotion. in disco elysium, emotion is a kind of materialism

[ladyluscinia]

My hottest take from trying to delve into David Jenkins's interviews and piece together where he's going with this is that - for all he and everyone else are consistent about describing this show as a romance and a romcom (and The Muppets) - I don't think he finds the romance compelling??? At least, not the healthy endgame version.

Like, the one interview where he dropped that he was planning an unrequited romance in all those pitches of his until they shot the bathtub scene in 1x06...? Wild twist, but also it kind of makes sense.

Look at the comparisons he makes. Titanic (where Jack dies). Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid (where both leads die). Shows like Insecure and Grey's Anatomy, where relationships get messy breakups constantly. He's excited about fanvids set to Olivia Rodrigo's "Favorite Crime". Writes an episode based on Who’s Afraid of Virginia Woolf?, a 1966 film of a play that attacks the concept of happy marriages. He mentions A Star Is Born repeatedly in reference to S2, a movie where the disaster marriage ends in suicide and heartbreak.

And even broad spectrum - he repeatedly explains that he's not compelled by pirate stories. Accuses the genre of being "creaky" and "hard to budge", and then claims to want to subvert it in one interview and shrugs about how "it's a pirate story" as reasoning in others. But the part he seems interested in...? Well it's the oncoming end of the Golden Age aspect, and also maybe the short and violent life of organized crime. He's drawing comparisons to mob movies and Westerns - two things I think we can say trend toward the bittersweet to tragic scale with endings. His examples certainly do.

I'm no longer surprised he was really compelled by the Edward and Izzy toxic divorce in S1 and the idea of doing an arc about "Can Izzy find himself outside of this toxic relationship?" only to answer "No." It seems right in his wheelhouse, tbh. Definitely enough that if he felt like Izzy ought to die due to vibes, I doubt he was looking too hard for an alternative.

For all his talk about "Can BlackBonnet put the work into this relationship?" I'm really getting the impression he thinks the more compelling answer is also "No." He likes the idea of a happy ending maybe, but he doesn't really seem into that as a story.

Now, he does seem to have gotten a crash course in "Maybe don't bury your gays?" and he's not lying about wanting to avoid the specific kinds of coming out and queer trauma stories - those are different kinds of tragedies - but I am... skeptical, perhaps, that the forced happy ending feeling of S2 will do anything but repeat in S3.

Just because, like, if I was scrolling these takes on a fic author's blog, I'd put majority odds on the main couple hanging in the final chapter, and I bet a happy sunset ending would come kinda out of nowhere...

Not really a recipe for satisfying, you know?

[paeliae-occasionally]

Hello! Intro Post.

Hi, so I’ve been hanging around for a while now, but I have recently started posting more so I have decided to write an intro.

Online I go by Pae, I am non-binary. (they/them) and I write and draw.

Current WIPs

Blue Posts are the essentials of you want to send me an ask , or if you just want an intro to the blog.

Scenes

Memory and death

Marsh Prison scene

Lore stuff:

Magic

Magic Systems

The history of the runes

More runes lore

Culture

The mages immortality lore

The death realms

Languages

The Druids

The Tiel’Drysar

(More Necromancy)

The lighthouse keepers

Laith’Zairel

History

The blood wars

Blood wars 2

The mist war

The Separation, Dissolution and Accords

Maps

-Laith’Emeris 1

-Laith’Emeris 2

-30BD map

-Laith’Zairel

Join the Tag List~

Summaries:

Paeliae - Magic politician

A mage living in the period when the god vs mages war starts. (8 BD, before dissolution) He is a politician, despite having no patience for the ages old elvish mages who currently run the council. He is obsessed with leaving a lasting legacy even if that means dying today. As such he is vehemently against the concept of immortality, During the war he helps negotiate with the gods to come to a truce. 27, He/Him.

Xaeren - Runic Inventor

Xaeren designed 42 of the 47 runes and uses them to protect himself from the vengeful goddess Schaeres. When she finally attacks him, Xaeren realises there were very few limits to what he could do with the runes and sets out to kill Schaeres, both as payback and just to prove that he can. But some things can’t be done alone…

Xaeren lore 1

Xaeren lore 2- (This is a bit old so some of the Kell stuff has changed)

Xaeren lore 3

Kell - Magic Student

Xaeren rescues her from a small dock town and gets her a place at the Lysandri school of magic. Kell is thrust into a world of magic and has to keep up with the help of Xaeren’s tutoring, but as she begins to fit in with the mages there, her loyalty to the criminal godkiller Xaeren comes into question.

Tyro - Traumatised Sorcerer

lives in the modern day (about 1500 PD, post-dissolution). They have recently escaped from the abusive cult that adopted them as a child, with their adoptive brother Apollo. They are a sorcerer, so have born magic, but also we’re taught to use runes by the cult. They never used them because of trauma but they could if they wanted to. They are currently running from the cult and trying not to be noticed by the government, who take in all sorcerer children so they can have a monopoly on magic. They have found a family in some other sorcerers living in an abandoned manor outside the city. 17, They/them

Apollo - adopted older brother of Tyro.

He took care of them and the others in the cult, despite being abused severely himself. Despite the trauma he is a very powerful runic. He is currently being attacked by, and looking for other cults like the one he was adopted into to help other children like him. 21, He/They

Ez and Rin (~1000 BD)- The gay bois, who definitely don’t start the apocalypse.

Ez (short for Ezemhaziel) is the god of refined magic. He falls in love with Rin when he is researching to create the runes. He is somewhat of a Prometheus figure, as he brings the first magic to mortals by teaching Rin.

Rin is a gardener working for one of the altic kings, who equally loves Ez for his magic and creativity. Ez and Rin end up working on the runes together. The other gods get mad that Ez gave magic to a mortal, and they let the mortals murder Rin. Ez is mad. This will spiral and cause the start of the godly war, which then ushers in the godly mages war, where 3/4 of all mages die and the gods are removed from the world.

Daimion and Marsh - the regretful and the merry murderer

Daimion and marsh grew up together being trained for an elite military unit, which they both got into. While in the unit they are ordered to fire on civilians and they do it, but later Daimion regrets killing innocents and leaves the unit without notice. He goes on to find the daughter of one of the people he murdered that day and the woman who has been taking care of her. He protects them fiercely and tries to make up for what he did. Marsh however, fully commits to the ‘I kill people as a job, I might as well enjoy it’ and ends up being so recklessly violent that he is imprisoned in the highest security jail in the country, which he later breaks out of to commit a massacre, then returns to his cell like nothing happened. This occurs a couple of times until Daimion has to go get him. - Marsh intro - Marsh lore

Just a brief overview of some of the things I am currently working on. I plan to post more about the magic systems and historical events of the world. I also post maps.

Feel free to ask me about this, and tag me in games. Interact here to join the tag list:

Tag List~

Thanks for visiting, feel free to stick around <3

[pavelkaramazov]

This will be my worst post but fuck it. If you’re absolutely DETERMINED to take it there then Smerdy/Ivan absolutely BODIES Alyosha/Ivan in terms of narrative/characterization/dynamic/motif and theme/basically everything else that matters. But it is really not about that for the vast majority of people who are deadass about shipping yaoi from a Russian novel published in 1879. All the IvanYosha stuff seems like it’s really more about getting your rocks off on AO3 and drawing two conventionally attractive anime twinks kissing. To which I wonder why you wouldn’t pick literally any two characters from any media for that unless you’re just into incest or something. 

I really love the Grand Inquisitor kiss! And I don’t like seeing it interpreted that way! 

On the other hand something that drives me insane about my personal interpretation of the book is the juxtaposition between the Alyosha Ivan kiss vs Ivan’s general disgust for Smerdyakov. Why is Alyosha kissing Ivan a pure, innocent expression of Christian love for all humanity but Smerdyakov’s gesture of love (killing Fyodor) is something so perverse and horrifying? It shows us something about their station of life through the roles and the acts that are even allowed to them in the narrative.

As far as SmerdyIvan goes I am reminded of the JSTOR article I read (that I now cannot fucking find) where the author mentioned an idea that all of Dostoevsky’s novels center around or contain one central taboo that is so unspeakable that it is scarcely even outright mentioned, and that the central taboo in question in TBK is that Smerdyakov is the fourth brother.

Incest is already gotten into in canon and much has been written about this, especially regarding Dmitry and Fyodor’s rivalry over Grushenka, but also with Ivan falling in love with Dmitry’s ex. So even though we are going far afield from authorial intent, it is really not that much of a jump to start looking at emotional incest from other angles within the family, as we already know literally every other type of abuse was already occurring within that (entirely fractured) family unit. As far as I am concerned regarding authorial intent, any claim you want to make about a work of fiction is fair game as long as you can justify it with evidence from the text, and people have been writing academic articles and essays making wild inferences from this text for the last 150 years, so I defend my right to make this interpretation. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, if Freud can diagnose Dostoevsky as bisexual we can say whatever we want about this book.

We know from the canon indisputably that Smerdyakov is unhealthily attached to Ivan, and we know that some vague thing about Smerdyakov sets Ivan’s Geiger counter for rancid horrific disgusting vibes to 10 immediately, anytime they are on the page together. So we can infer a lot from that.

Smerdyakov was literally born of sexual violence, and is a pariah in terms of his gender expression and sexuality, so him taking on the role of someone with a warped sexuality in the narrative just sort of… follows, in terms of the novels concern with the idea of inherited sin. 

There is something compelling to me about the idea that Smerdyakov would seek entrance into the Karamazov family in another, weirder way psychologically through attaching highly inappropriate feelings to Ivan. (‘If you think of me and my feelings toward you as incestuous, then that means you have acknowledged me as a family member’) 

And regardless of what I literally just said about authorial intent, Dostoevsky outright tells us how gay Smerdyakov is like every single time he’s on page. So there is also that.

Their relationship appeals to me greatly insofar as it is utterly disgusting and that’s my jam. There is lots to explore in this dynamic but one indisputable thing baked into the text between them is that it’s literally impossible to imagine any truly romantic union between them simply because of the way they both are. They repulse each other far too much for any expression of that sort. The actualization of their inappropriate relationship is not a culmination through an even vaguely romantic or sexual encounter, instead, it is the fulfilling a murder pact. 

They are like two oppositely charged magnets or something, in turns attracting and repulsing one another, pushing and pulling on each other’s gravitational pulls. Regarding the Tchermashnya-Moscow conversation, the way that their conversations are in doublespeak, with words said out loud and then literally entire other sentences written out in thought and illustrated through description of physicality, is incredibly fascinating to me. They seem to be literally communicating telepathically.  I am reminded of another JSTOR article I read that mentions the Dostoevskian doubles “exerting influence over one other that cannot be explained in any literal sense.”  The only reason they can communicate like this is because they are doubles, and this doublism is reinforced again in the narrative by their being fake twins, the same age but born to different mothers. 

They are each other’s shadows, they share a consciousness on some level, or access each other’s consciousnesses at different times through this shared plot in a way that seems incomprehensible to both of them. And Smerdyakov, in my own interpretation and opinion, as someone who is completely starved for any kind of positive regard, takes this for love. Whether that’s familial or otherwise or both. 

They engage in this mutual seduction towards an ultimate goal or realization: Ivan presents the idea, that “all is permitted” and that perhaps it would be for the better if Fyodor were dead, and Smerdyakov takes his lead from this and in turn pulls Ivan into the murder plot. Their relationship is romantic insofar as they are seducing one another in turn towards this unspeakable and forbidden act that they both desire: the murder.

They deny it right to each others faces, only Ivan’s is an earnest denial, to himself first and foremost, and to Smerdyakov it’s just sort of… foreplay. Like, “we’re just two clever people who are only saying this because we have to, and we get it, and you’re in this with me.” 

There is something really compelling too in the fact that Ivan is on board with the murder plot in one scene on a subconscious level, but later will utterly deny that any of this ever happened or that he ever felt that way. He has expressed and betrayed a desire that is so deviant, so forbidden, and so distressing to him that he has a psychological break over denying that that could have truly been something he wanted. Ivan expresses overwhelming disgust and disdain through the entire book, mostly towards Smerdyakov, but finally towards himself when he is forced to the realization of the role he has played as the idealogical murderer. Whereas Smerdyakov, the more active pursuer in their relationship, is not ashamed of his desires and is the one who ultimately has the lack of inhibition required to carry out The Forbidden Act. 

Ivan is attracted by Smerdyakov initially, despite himself, for reasons he can’t understand, like one is drawn to a cataclysmic disaster of fate in a Greek tragedy or something, and ultimately it descends into complete loathing on both sides, kills Smerdyakov, and mocks Ivan’s entire character by undermining his self concept and his entire value system and laying utterly bare his fatal flaws as a human being. Utterly doomed and hopeless relationship in every single way! 

Alas, no one wants to match my freak about this and that is definitely for the better. If I had to see ship art of them kissing anime style I would kms. Whatever the fuck they had going on is way better. 

[dfortrafalgar]

a quick message

hi, i wanted to bring something up real quick. i got a message in my inbox a few days ago that made me pretty uncomfortable, too uncomfortable to answer it in public, but i still wanted to say something after giving it some thought

regarding IMLY

i am pro choice. i always have been. and in no way shape or form did i want this fic to be some sort of pro-life symbol because that's not who i am. i am pro choice which means i believe that women have the right to decide what to do with their own bodies. if a woman wants to have her tubes tied, get an abortion, or get a hysterectomy, then that is HER decision. if a woman decides she wants to be child free, that is HER decision. and i am a huge advocate for that. being pro choice coincides with my feelings on adequate access to reproductive healthcare and education for women. these things go hand-in-hand to me.

i also wanted to bring up the subject of natural birth real quick. i do not think c-sections are "cheating." a c-section birth is just as much a birth as a "natural" (vaginal) one.

this fic is the ideal for ME, not the standard. i understand that most twins are born via c-section, and i understand that some women decide not to have children after undergoing miscarriages. these are all things that fall under the pro choice mindset. this fic came from a personal place for ME, and i just happened to share it on the internet

if i was put into the situation where my fertility treatment led me to having twins and the best course of action was a c-section, then i would chose the c-section, but that wouldn't be MY first choice. for some women, that IS their first choice. for some women, a vaginal birth is their ONLY choice. do you see what i'm getting at here?

also, im bisexual. i do not think that heterosexual marriages and families are the Societal Standard. lesbian women can have babies. gay men can have babies. trans men can have babies. no matter how one goes about having a child, it is POSSIBLE. if you have a uterus and the capacity to get pregnant, it is your body and your choice and your life to live.

im honestly a bit heartbroken. again, i'm not going to post this ask because it made me extremely uncomfortable, but i want to make all of this very, very clear, and i am very sorry if this fic left anyone with a sour taste. that wasn't my intention.

additionally, i am sorry about my silence as of late. i have been working frequent and long hours at my job and have switched back to drawing more frequently rather than writing, but i have been working on EVERY request that i have gotten since turning off my inbox asks. i haven't forgotten about any of them (i literally have them written down in multiple places to remind me). i've said it before, writing is not my full-time priority. it's a hobby, and the only reason it was more frequent throughout march, april, and may was because i was going through extreme art block. a part of me wishes i didn't open requests because i have a guilty conscious and operate like im running a drive-thru (which is also what i do for work tbh), but people have been super sweet and trusting me with your stories is an honor, and i PROMISE i have not forgotten about them

sorry about this long-winded post out of nowhere

take care, and i'll be back soon. i promise

[nicosraf]

I just wanted to say the cain chapters were my favourite chapters of the entire book, finding out the Cain & Abel lore had me messaging my partner (my christian bible gamefaqs guide) feverishly late at night to tell them abt it. But also the line "who remembers cain?" And the response... i GASPED in the bus!!!!!!!! IT MADE ME SO EMOTIONAL. the writing and repeated lines between the paras of that chapter was so insane i was shaken by The Prose!!!!!! Another moment i was so taken aback by was ohya and hahya sheltering the human children bc oh FUCK THEYRE STILL LIVING BEINGS... THEY HAVE FAMILIES N LIVES TOO...THEIR ONLY SIN WAS BEING BORN TMT i started doodling that scene (i cant draw good but sometimes ur compelled by Emotion to) bc it struck me so much how even the giants are innocents... its been two weeks n thinkin abt the fate of azazel n samyaza's family unit has destroyed me irreparably

Spoilers for A&M!

Ahh I'm really glad you liked the Cain chapters! My ideas for Cain were one of my biggest motivators for turning the idea of ABM into the idea of a trilogy. I remember hearing once that Cain is really Lucifer's child, and I have a gay brain, so I imagined Lucifer taking in a little Cain. And here we are! Cain may be a fav character of the series for me. Agh I just love him

And Ohya and Hahya.... Aghh ive said this before but I originally planned to have them talk, and it made it halfway into the finished draft. I decided the ambiguity about their humanness was better, but yeah! You hit the nail on the head. They're also living things with families. It's not their fault they're hungry :(

Thank you for reading A&M! I'm really happy you enjoyed it!!

[verdemoun]

Gonna ask about more Jack and John content pls sir. I dont remember if I said this before but I was in shock when you told that Isaac have dark hair, always imagine him a blondie like Arthur, but I fine with that. Also I think that Arthur can see that John is trying to get along with Jack, so when Jack ask if he can go with them to their father-son activits, Arthur have to unhappily say no, because it was suppost to Jack do that with John, and not use that as an escused to avoid John ( sorry about my bad inglesh, but I just relearned my art skills so I wanted to draw something of your AU) ❤

thank you! i thought it would be fun having a different isaac, considering eliza's reconstructed model had black hair very similar to mary it would be fun having a black haired isaac. also i always would've had isaac dye his hair black because he's emo and because physically i imagine he is really similar build to canon era arthur so they needed some obvious differences. just born ready to carry boundies over his shoulder.

Arthur can see John trying but he can also see how a lot of the time that trying backfires. Maybe John just has more daddy issues than Arthur but as much as John tried to change post 1907 for his family, the new John still wasn't quite the person Jack needed.

Because of this, there's a lot of things Jack would actually refuse to do with John but with Arthur he would happily go. Also spite. For example, if Isaac bullies Arthur into letting Jack come camping with them, Jack will just sit by the campfire reading while Isaac, Charles and Arthur go off for their usual father-son symbolic hunting of deer. He might join in campfire stories later or have a few swigs of beer but he actually hates hunting and fishing - which is what John associates with camping.

Maybe it's because Jack is just a gay little bookworm. Surely anyone who's ever spoken to him knows it, because Jack would never willingly admit it, but he's just - soft. He wasn't meant to be a gunslinger in every way. John knows that better than most!! He loves his son. John absolutely loves his son. All those times he sat there and listened to Jack ramble about books, completely overjoyed to see his son happy? But he never knew how to tell Jack it was because he loved seeing his son being himself, and happy! He knows his son is too soft and sensitive for his own good which is why he really believed Jack was safe FROM becoming an outlaw - yet he did.

Jack needs people so much. He's been isolated his whole life. He lost most of his family, the gang, in 1899. He got that diet child of divorce experience in 1907, lost his sister, the only other non-adult in his life, in 1910, his dad and Uncle in 1911, and mother in 1914. No one has ever just been there for Jack. He needs someone to be there for him, to understand how difficult it was for him, little gay bookworm Marston, to become an outlaw, how much he tried to be an outlaw because that's the only way he knew how to 'be a man' thanks to John.

John just. Can't be a boy dad. At least not Jack's dad. He has too many of his own issues, 90% of them are daddy issues. He doesn't know how to bond with a gay little bookworm. The days where he gets it wrong far outweigh the days he gets it right. He's fucked up too many times. Even when he tries to show interest in Jack's writing, Jack will snipe back with 'I thought they were just silly stories' because he remembers something John said in anger not even directed at him but about him in 1907. John knows how to bond with an outlaw, a bastard as rough as him - and it shows because he gets along with Isaac great. He doesn't know how to be friendly with his own son, and especially after timewarp Jack isn't willing to give him any more chances.

It's an everyone sucks. Jack knows he shouldn't have become an outlaw. He's ashamed of himself, deep down, for 'throwing away' the life so many people died to give him a change to. And John's ashamed of him for the exact same reason and it's really hard for John Marston to not wear his emotions. He might not be emotional but he's honest. If he's mad, you know he's mad.

Like god damnit Jack wants someone to be proud of him and say it's okay. That even if he thinks (or knows) it was a mistake, he did his best. He did what he thought was the right, what he was raised to think was right, because he saw John fall into the cycle of revenge and redemption over and over again so what else was he meant to do? But John - even if he said it, knowing how much Jack wants to hear it, it wouldn't be true and Jack would know.

Jack is a lot more sensitive than even modern era boys would let themselves be, let alone a 19th century outlaw, and John's judged him or let him down too many times, angsty teenage bullshit or not, for Jack to readily give him another chance. I say sensitive but I really mean Jack Marston is serving petty ass punk bitch.

Arthur would try very hard to help John out, try to give him tips on how to talk to Jack or offer to go on out father-son group things because Jack and Arthur? Great relationship! Arthur might be as emotionally intelligent as a lump of rubber, but he gets being creative and at least will give Jack the space to read and write without judging him. Sometimes it's nice, the strange days there's an activity they'll all enjoy (usually involving fire). Most of the time though, if Jack and John are talking without screaming it's because one or both of them are drunk.

[hostilemuppet]

The Twitter Drama AU Timeline

finally, after months, we finally have a timeline. this is not exhaustive (i tried to mainly include the super important parts, and some less important parts i thought were REALLY funny), and is probably only 75% accurate due to the non-linear nature we wrote the fic in to begin with, but it is better than nothing! updated as of chapter 10 (low hanging fruits)

12th March 2023: Tiny Diamond is born, Creek is his other dad, which is kept a secret from everyone except Guy and Creek.

November 2023: The events of Band Together, almost completely identical. Following which, Brozone get back together and start working on their reunion album. Now that Branch is in the spotlight, Barb is forced to acknowledge her ex girlfriend (one night stand) Poppy is a lot happier with a transfem butch, which sparks Barb’s descent into terfism. Val and Creek briefly see each other.

December 2023: John Dory gets his Twitter confiscated by Clay. Floyd gets his sex tape leaked (by Creek). Clay throws Viva under the bus for the first time. Clay accidentally gets Bruce accused of cheating on his wife, but they pin it on Branch, who just organised a fake breakup with Poppy because he was uncomfortable with all the smutfic. Riff leaves Barb’s band, and collabs with Creek but calls him an asshole. Velvet gets out of prison and writes a callout thread on Floyd. Floyd gets cancelled for the first time. Creek and Floyd start seeing each other in secret.

January 2024: Val publicly comes out as nonbinary and is kicked out of Barb’s band, then outs Barb as a nepo baby as revenge. JD tries to sneak back onto stantwt but is doxxed. Floyd tells Branch about his relationship with Creek; Branch is surprisingly fine with it as long as Creek is suffering, and boy does he suffer.

February 2024: A misunderstanding leads everyone to think Branch broke up with Poppy because he’s a gay man. He comes out as a lesbian but is immediately met with vitriol of both the exclusionist and transmisogynistic varieties. Barbtwt have a bone to pick with Hickory but he comes out on top. Clay throws Viva under the bus again but this time she's had enough, and releases an expose video on him and kicks him out of the pod. Viva and Floyd become BFFs.

March 2024: Dating rumours about Smidge and Poppy start, which Smidge does nothing to help. Barb accuses Smidge’s actual boyfriend of being a pedophile, and gets ratio’d. Creek and Floyd go public with their relationship.

June 2024: Guy Diamond gets into controversy after soliciting a camgirl and his family vlog channel goes on hiatus. Clay and Viva get back together, and Viva records revenge porn of him to “keep him in line”.

August 2024: Biggie gets into mild controversy that escalates into cancelation when he responds in character as Mr Dinkles. Clay and Vivas relationship becomes undeniably abusive, but they’re really good at hiding it.

September 2024: Floyd and Creek get married! Satin & Chenille have Velvet on their podcast. Guy Diamond gets cancelled after being outed as Pro-Life. 

15th December 2024: Floyd and Creek have twins, Brad and Angelina [LASTNAME]-[LASTNAME2-.

April 2025: Creek and Floyd drop all pretences of thinking they’re a healthy couple.

12th May 2025: Creek aborts his second egg. They would have been named Shiloh. Floyd is distraught and gets harassed on Twitter again for being Pro-Life.

August 2025: Creek and Floyd divorce.

September 2025: It comes to light that DJ Suki is stealing from her niece CJ.

December 2025: Creek and Floyd get back together. Val stops hiding their racism from twitter and get doxxed by KPop fans. They have to live with their mother.

January 2026: Harper starts drawing Bruce as a transphobic caricature, a skinny feminine twink.

February 2025: Viva stops taking birth control. Branch gets doxxed for the first time (by Cloud Guy). Dante starts stalking Branch.

March 2026: jdtwt find out that JD used to have a thing with Delta Dawn, and harass her a bit. The two get back in touch, and Delta tells JD that they actually had a kid together (Holly Darling). JD is thrilled about being a dad. Holly is initially apprehensive but eventually comes around. JD gives Delta Cooties (it’s okay, there’s a cure). Sky Toronto buys Twitter.Crimp gets run off the internet for uncomfortable roleplay with Tiny Diamond (pretending to be 14). Velvet gets cancelled for workplace abuse. Smidge starts queerbaiting by selling merch of referencing her and Poppy’s fake relationship.

April 2026: Tiny Diamond reveals he is not actually 14, he is physically 3 years old (but for our purposes he is functionally 9 because Trolls age weird). He loses all his OOMFs (CJ, Preiscilla, Keith (all approx 13)) and has his account suspended. Branch gets really jealous over Smidge and publicly shittalks her. He and Poppy “get back together” but set the “boundary” that any smutfic about either of them can only be Broppy (obviously not everyone follows this rule).

May 2026: Cloud Guy leaks Smidge’s miscarriage after being paid off by Barbtwt. Branch gets doxxed for the third time. Poppy demands Sky Toronto take action so he permabans Cloud Guy’s IP. Cloud Guy goes to live with his parents.

June 2026: Gust Tumbleweed is violently homophobic to Synth during an LGBT charity event, but faces no consequences because he starts flirting with his fellow straight male friends again. Poppy gets sick of Dante stalking Branch so she prepares to take matters into her own hands. Holly Darlin starts selling snake oil, from the same company that supplies for Satin & Chenille. Holly and Satin start dating.

July 2026: Satin & Chenille (both Creek’s exes) are invited to the Floyd and Creek household for dinner to ‘bury the hatchet’, where they witness blackmailable activities and force them both to come on their podcast and embarrass themselves (mostly Floyd).

August 2026: Demo falls in love with Gust after being flirted with for several months, breaks up with his current girlfriend (DJ Suki) and gets very VERY aggressively turned down by Gust. Dante sends a glitter bomb to Branch’s pod, so Poppy beats him up, but Dante calls the cops on her and she faces legal trouble. Harper starts drawing Creek as a trans man, even though Creek is a cis man, because she felt like it. It catches on. Biggie gets cancelled for something unspecified but really, really bad.

September 2026: Guy Diamond faces controversy for thinking Troll babies sleeping in beds causes Autism, which he got from Creek, who he used to date and is now interested in again. Clay starts nearing his brink wrt Viva and stays with JD for a bit. Viva finds an egg in her hair, which she soon loses (19th). Cloud Guy kills himself. Biggie overdoses while playing Overwatch. Veneer gets hit by a bus.

October 2026: Sky Toronto and Nova Swift get divorced (she leaves him for a trans Troll). Branch and Poppy get an egg, and Viva is the first they tell, so she manipulates them into thinking they’d be awful parents and she can take care of it for them. Viva uses the egg to convince Clay to come home.

31st October 2026: The egg Viva stole from Branch and Poppy hatches. Their name is Ha’Penny Hatch. Since the kid looks nothing like either “parents”, Clay figures that Viva cheated on him and finally goes grey.

November 2026: Harper deletes all her socials when her proship side account is found. Gust tricks Demo into thinking his feelings are finally returned, only to crush his heart again publicly during a subathon.

December 2026: BrozoneRonpa resurfaces. Branch accidentally says something offensive about Guy Diamond publicly, and Guy capitalises on the potential controversy, which leads to intense Guy VS Floyd beef (they are both interested in the same man (only Floyd is married to him). Nova Swift moves to Mount Rageous, leaving S&C in need of a podcast producer, and Fuzzbert is their only hope but expects a big paycheck.

January 2027: Guy Diamond reveals that Tiny Diamond is actually Creek’s son. Floyd goes to stay with Branch. Bruce finds out the real reason Clay went grey and his immediate plan is to fake Clay’s suicide and take him with him to Vacay Island. JD, Viva and Penny are the only members of Clay’s immediate family who don’t know he’s still alive. Clay’s funeral is livestreamed on Twitch. Holly Darlin’s newly rekindled relationship with her dad is halted in its infancy. 

[meowza315]

i mean it when i say you might have my fave mike characterization ever with avatar au mike. it's what i love for regular or canon mike and you put it in gay lien form and it's great. I wish more people did it. idk he's... really soft around will and it's clearly so natural for him but to me he also seems confident or suave in other ways even as the newcomer to the world. and i LOVE that for mike. maybe it's his protective instincts i see too? basically I'm saying ...avatar mike is hot 😭 i'm sorry. even the way you sketch him lounging. no wonder will is heart eyes and draping himself into his arms all the time. he seems so at peace with mike and mike looks amazing, there's a difference between the two personalities and i look forward to seeing it every time you post. yeah mike's confidence is attractive uhh well done on making me feel things about gayliens!!!

THANK YOU!!

I love trying to keep them in character as much as I can, but it’s not always 100% possible because of the setting and the whole plot of the AU with how they live in the jungle and Will having to teach Mike about everything so he doesn’t end up dead. It’s not really in character for them to be doing so much physical activity as they are in the AU but it’s inevitable because they live in a jungle, it’s where the Omatikaya live. They have to do all these physical activities to get around and do daily tasks (which ultimately builds muscle on both of them because of it. I mean they’re climbing trees and running around so it makes sense).

idk how he even pulled Will tbh with how “stupid” he is. I say that in quotes cause I say it jokingly. I know he isn’t stupid he’s a smart guy canonically to ST and still is in the AU but Pandora is, even with him being BORN there, a new place. cause he wasn’t allowed to roam the forest with an exo pack at 12 like Spider was. it was for his safety cause he’d probably end up getting mauled by a thanator or a viperwolf and have 0 protection. I mean even then he still nearly dies at least 3 times (which Will makes fun of him for). It’s just more difficult to traverse and get around and get used to, you get me??

idk if I’d be comfortable saying he’s hot because of the fact that he’s still very much based off a character that is 14, even though in the AU they’re both aged up to be 16-19 (for 1: Mike being at least old enough that he’s not gonna get himself in a lot of trouble, he’s mature enough to not make stupid decisions basically. I mean, who’s gonna give 12 year old Mike Wheeler a whole other body that costs well over a million dollars to make? and 2: the story takes place over 3 years so they’re gonna age). he’s definitely attractive I’d say yeah but I’d just say he’s a handsome guy (cough the doodle I did above^^). One of my fears is them being all sexualized because they’re older and don’t really wear that much 😨 like they can be in love and not sexualized in the process if ykwim

I remember writing something about them having a conversation that ended up growing into Will pining over Mike (ex: how he’s a bit clumsy, the way he’s treated by Mike, which is essentially his kindness, how he’s a bit snarky or sassy sometimes, etc) and Mike kissing Will repetitively to satisfy that “longing” Will gets for Mike’s lips. It’s not just his appearance but his personality that draws him in, yk? The way they love each other just makes Will fall so much harder, even if Mike was the one that canonically fell first. I’ve had a thought of how their love language in this AU would be touch because of how they’re constantly touching or holding each other close when they’re in the forest together (and being romantic, not counting when they have conversations and are sitting idk. a foot or two apart. their relationship isn’t ALL kissy kissy romantic, even if it’s what it seems like from how I draw them). but obviously even if their love language is touch it doesn’t automatically mean they’re doing sexual things because.. um. it’s weird. and if they were touching each other in weird sexual ways or in areas that would seem sexual (the ass. no. and like. intimate areas. or even just each others chests in weird ways) both I and other people would be severely uncomfortable by that. they can love each other and be touchy without it being in a sexual way because, I can’t stress it enough, it’s WEIRD.

moral of the story (of that paragraph and the one above it) they can be in love and be the way they are in the AU without worry of being sexualized 🎉

I just ranted a LOT I apologize 💔💔 I would rant more but I think the post is long enough so 😭

[gentlebeardsbarngrill]

15 QUESTIONS FOR 15 FRIENDS

Omgoodness I was tagged by several folks , ty my friends! Tagged by @edscuntyeyeshadow and @ofmd-ann and @kiwistede @spirker and @soupbtch!

ARE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE?

Uh, I am not named after anyone in particular, but my family has a tradition of A being the first letter of the middle name.

WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED?

Yesterday lol. I was upset about creators work being on the repo without permission! (Not anyone's fault, I cry about a lot of things lol)

DO YOU HAVE KIDS?

Yes! 1!

WHAT SPORTS DO YOU PLAY/HAVE YOU PLAYED?

Oh boy, I played baseball for 10 years on the boys team! I also played volleyball one year...but mostly just baseball.

DO YOU USE SARCASM?

NEEEEEEVER.

WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT PEOPLE?

If they are kind :)

WHAT’S YOUR EYE COLOUR?

Hazel baby, yeah

SCARY MOVIES OR HAPPY ENDINGS?

Uhhhh that's a weird selection. Depends on my moods. I like happy endings if people have had lots of trauma lol, but if I'm in the mood to laugh, scary movies.

ANY TALENTS?

Talents? Uhhhh, does sarcasm and swearing count? I can come up with some pretty fun swear combinations.

WHERE WERE YOU BORN?

On an AF Base

WHAT ARE YOUR HOBBIES?

Uhhhh, mostly gay pirates lately. I also have a small business, I used to love to draw / write / read (now I read mostly fanfiction)

DO YOU HAVE ANY PETS?

Yesss I have a 16 year old kitty.

HOW TALL ARE YOU?

5 ft 8 Inches

FAVOURITE SUBJECT IN SCHOOL?

Creative Writing

DREAM JOB?

Wild animal rehabilitator/conservationist. I would love to eventually be a veterinarian!

No pressure tagging! @blakbonnet @saltpepperbeard @celluloidbroomcloset @catbells-and-summerlinens @brainfugk @merryfinches @scorpiostarseed @sleepystede @melvisik @elby3000 @lisahafey @libbyroseitm @lamentus1 @bizarrelittlemew @quiet-compassion @coccinelf @quirkysubject @marbledwings @cosmosart-s

(Sorry I think some of you have been tagged already!)

[nerdygaymormon]

Queer Religious Songs

I was interested to see the news that a song by the drag queen Flamy Grant was top of the iTunes Christian chart. I listened to the song and really like it. 

There are many religious songs I like, but these queer ones speak to a part of me that the others don’t, they ask questions that are important. 

1983 - Church of the Poison Mind : Culture Club - A religious gay man has found love, but because of what he was taught at church, can’t resolve his own feelings about being gay. The message is if you’re living in a culture distorted by prejudice, take a chance on joy–embrace love, whatever form it takes.

1987 - It’s a Sin : Pet Shop Boys - This song is about a person’s lifelong feelings of shame and guilt, presumably for being taught that being gay is a sin. For everything I long to do, no matter when or where or who, has one thing in common, too. It’s a, it’s a, it’s a, it’s a sin.

1988 - A Little Respect : Erasure - In this song the gay singer is calling to a lover not to leave and asks the question, what religion or reason could drive a man to forsake his lover? So often the religions we’re raised in are anti-queer and people have a tough time breaking from the prejudice when they have their first romantic relationship.

1991 - Losing My Religion : R.E.M. - Lead singer Michael Stipe had declined to address his sexuality, so when “Losing My Religion” came out, people assumed Stipe was coming out as gay. Consider this the hint of the century. Consider this the slip. It stands as a classic example of queer coding in the era of “don’t-ask-don’t-tell.” The song was interpreted as the struggle of a closeted gay man coming to terms with what his religion taught about gay people.

1992 - One : U2 - Bono explained that “It’s a father-and-son story. I tried to write about someone I knew who was coming out and was afraid to tell his father. It’s a religious father and son… I have a lot of gay friends, and I’ve seen them screwed up from unloving family situations, which just are completely anti-Christian. If we know anything about God, it’s that God is love.” Knowing it’s a gay son who is talking to his unaccepting dad, the lyrics really hit hard. Did I disappoint you or leave a bad taste in your mouth? And also these words from the chorus, We’re one but we’re not the same. Well we hurt each other then we do it again. It seems eventually the son decides to draw a boundary and remove his father from his life - I can’t keep holding on to what you got, 'cause all you got is hurt. I like that the lyrics say We get to carry each other, carry each other, we are different and may not agree on everything, but we choose to help each other, it’s asking us to find ways to have our relationship work even though we’re different.

1997 - You Have Been Loved : George Michael - George Michael wrote this song about Anselmo Feleppa, who died of an AIDS-related illness in 1993. While an intense song about grief and death, it also involves a spiritual struggle. Anselmo and his mother both say that God is not dead, George counters by challenging What’s the use in pressing palms, if you [God] won’t keep such love from harm? It’s a cruel world. You’ve so much to prove.

1997 - Together Again : Janet Jackson - The album notes say “I dedicate the song ‘Together Again’ to the friends I’ve lost to AIDS.” It’s a sweet song with hopeful words. Everywhere I go, every smile I see, I know you are there smilin’ back at me.

2011 - Born This Way : Lady Gaga - Many songs hint at queer identities and acceptance by using metaphors, but not this one, it is direct. No matter gay, straight, or bi, lesbian, transgender life, I’m on the right track, baby, I was born to survive. The song is a real celebration of who we each are made to be. God makes no mistakes.

2011 - We All Try : Frank Ocean - Frank Ocean sings of losing faith in mankind as the LGBTQIA+ community struggles to find acceptance. I believe that marriage isn’t between a man and woman, but between love and love, and I believe you when you say you’ve lost all faith, but you must believe in something. He reassures the listeners and the LGBTQIA+ community that I just don’t believe we’re wicked, I know that we sin but I do believe we try.

2012 - Same Love : Macklemore & Ryan Lewis feat. Mary Lambert - Macklemore sings against the homophobia taught at church. When I was in church, they taught me something else. If you preach hate at the service, those words aren't anointed and that Holy Water that you soak in is then poisoned. The song concludes with Mary singing I’m not crying on Sundays, which I think means not letting religious intolerance and churches harm us anymore, not subjecting ourselves to those words anymore.

2012 - Origin of Love : MIKA - Mika said this song “talks about my life, it talks about the church, it talks about falling in love and it talks about being happy and proud about falling in love with whoever you fall in love with, even if it’s a man. So in a way, this is my statement and my thank you to the man I love.“ To his partner he sings You are the sun and the light, you are the freedom I fight, God will do nothing to stop it.

Mika contrasts the goodness romance brings to his life with how the Bible introduces heterosexual relationships: Like stupid Adam and Eve, they found their love in a tree. God didn’t think they deserved it. He taught them hate, taught them pride, gave them a leaf, made them hide. Let’s push their stories aside. You know the origin is you.

2013 – Take Me to Church : Hozier - The lyrics are against church-fueled homophobia and persecution of queer people, and instead Hozier finds meaning by worshiping in the bedroom. Many queer people can identify with these lyrics: Every Sunday’s getting more bleak, a fresh poison each week. "We were born sick", you heard them say it. Hozier explained that churches undermine humanity as they teach shame about sexual orientation by saying that it is sinful or that it offends God. Hozier is an outspoken LGBTQ+ ally and the music video depicts two gay men being ripped apart by homophobic violence in Russia. It brought international attention to the anti-gay laws in Russia.

2015 - No Place in Heaven : MIKA - Mika is singing about how religion teaches there’s no place in heaven for gay people because the way we love is sinful. Father, won’t you forgive me for my sins? Father, if there’s a heaven let me in.

2016 - Son of a Preacher Man : Tom Goss - This 1968 song gets a gay update. The video tells the story of two gay teens struggling to understand their feelings for one another while operating within the confines of an evangelical church.

2016 - Trash : Tyler Glenn - In response to the Nov 2015 Policy of Exclusion by The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, Tyler created this video denouncing the Church’s restrictive view of same-sex relationships. The pain and anger are so raw in this video, it hurts to watch. These lyrics are an indictment, that he’d repent his days away if we wanted him to stay, but we throw him out like trash. If this is God’s church then there should be room for ALL God’s children.

2016 - Shameless : Tyler Glenn - The video has an old man in a black suit & white shirt tied up to a chair as Tyler sings You judge, but I don’t give a damn. I live a life so shameless. He lists things he does shamelessly now that once he would’ve been judged for: porn, one-night stands, alcohol. Tyler has now left the church and is not letting old men in suits make him feel shame.

2016 - G.D.M.M.L. Grls : Tyler Glenn - Despite the best efforts by this gay man to make church work, it didn’t because God Didn’t Make Me Like Girls.

2016 - Heaven : Troye Sivan feat. Betty Who - Troye sings candidly about what it’s like for a religious teenager to come out as gay. Without losing a piece of me, how do I get to heaven? Without changing a part of me, how do I get to heaven? All my time is wasted, feeling like my heart’s mistaken, oh, so if I’m losing a piece of me, maybe I don’t want heaven? Troye explains “When I first started to realise that I might be gay, I had to ask myself all these questions—these really really terrifying questions. Am I ever going to find someone? Am I ever going to be able to have a family? If there is a God, does that God hate? If there is a heaven, am I ever going to make it to heaven?” The video features footage from LGBTQ+ protests throughout history.

2016 - Sudden Death (OMG) : Tyler Glenn - In this song, Tyler expresses the initial shock of his faith crisis. I never asked to fall from grace. Catch me I’m starting to fall! Don’t know what all this is for! Keep comin’ at me with your disrespect. You went and started a war. Now I don’t care any more. I keep on living like it’s sudden death.

2016 - Devil : Tyler Glenn - A song that highlights the conflict between religious belief and queerness. I found myself when I lost my faith and not being able to pray the gay away. The constant in his world, what he’s anchoring himself to, is that his mom still loves him, and that’s important because studies show the acceptance & love of a parent makes a huge difference when someone comes out.  

2016 - Queer Gospel : Erin McKeown - This song was written in response to the ongoing trend of "religious freedom" legislation being passed by some US states. Love us as we are. See us and we're holy. In this shall we shall ever be, wholly ourselves.

2016 - Midnight : Tyler Glenn - The Neon Trees frontman gives an emotional song about his departure from the Mormon church but not from God. The ballad is accompanied by a video that shows Glenn removing his religious garments and replacing them with a glittery jacket, which is such a powerful metaphor.

2017 - The Village : Wrabel - There are lyrics in this song of what religious people have told him, and boy do they hurt. They say, 'Don't dare, don't you even go there, cutting off your long hair. You do as you're told' Tell you, ‘Wake up, go put on your makeup, this is just a phase you're gonna outgrow.’ There’s a line in the song that hits me hard: One line in the Bible isn’t worth a life. The video is beautiful, very poignant, it breaks my heart and gives me hope. 

2017 - Pray : Sam Smith - You won’t see Sam in church, but they say they’re a child of God at heart and they’re begging God to show them a way. I'm not a saint, I'm more of a sinner. I don't wanna lose, but I fear for the winners.

2017 - HIM : Sam Smith - This is a song about a boy in Mississippi coming out and the conflict between his sexuality and his religious upbringing. He is grappling with the feeling that there’s no place in church for him because he’s gay. The “Him” being sung is used both for God and for a boy he likes. Holy Father, we need to talk. I have a secret that I can't keep. I'm not the boy that you thought you wanted. Please don't get angry, have faith in me.

2018 - Explaining Jesus : Jordy Searcy - Jordy grew up playing music with his family and in his church. In 2014, Jordy landed a spot on NBC’s The Voice. In this song, Searcy is apologizing for how poorly we have been “Explaining Jesus” to others. He begins by singing If you're gay and over 85, you've felt for your whole life, that when God made you, he just messed up. The song ends with And I'm so sorry for all the wrongs. We're broken singers with broken songs. We paint our pride and call it truth. I'm sorry no one explained Jesus to you.

2019 - Hey Jesus : Trey Pearson - Trey made headlines in 2016 when, as the lead singer of the Christian rock band Everyday Sunday, he came out as gay. Three years later and Trey has a question: Hey Jesus can you hear me now? It’s been awhile since I came out, I was wonderin’ do you love me the same? As a person who struggles to reconcile faith with sexual orientation, I find this song quite moving. 

2020 - God Loves Me Too : Brian Falduto - Brian played the gay kid in the movie School of Rock. Now as an adult, Brian is back and singing a song that no one has to earn God’s love. Brian wrote the song after visiting a church that was welcoming and accepting of queer people. I look around and see I’ve found a place where peace and love abound. I’ve waited my whole life for the truth. It is true, God loves you. It don’t matter if you’re LGBTQ.

2020 - Chasing Rainbows : Big Freedia feat. Kesha - Freedia is a gay Black man who carries a purse and uses “he” and “she” pronouns. Kesha is bi. Together they put out an uplifting song. Freedia lists the various ways she’s been put down throughout her life by schoolyard bullies, religious figures and record labels. Kesha makes clear we won’t be put down any longer when she sings You know me, bein’ free. Won’t be silent, I pray for my enemies. 

2020 - Jesus Christ 2005 God Bless America : The 1975 - This song has Matty Healy pondering religious faith and love from his perspective as a queer person and describes hiding his sexual identity because of his religious beliefs. Phoebe Bridgers, who is bisexual, contributes a fragile and vulnerable verse. She sings of her love for the girl next door. Her love is unrequited as she is unable to reveal her true feelings to her neighbor.

2020 - Orphans of God : Ty Herndon & Kristin Chenoweth feat. Paul Cardall - The message of the song is that there are no orphans of God. We are all loved, we are all thought about, we are all created equally and God loves us all just the same. Ty Herndon is a country singer who came out as gay in 2014

2021 - I Know it Hurts : Paul Cardall & Tyler Glenn - This makes me think of a queer person coming to recognize their insecure place in church, how all those negative teachings were about you. I just wanted to believe, but how am I supposed to believe this about me? And then we find each other, queer believers who can understand what we’re going through, who know the hurt and the teachings and comments. For most queer people, they leave church and go on a different path. They’re not lost, a faint light at the end is guiding their way, they’re finding another way back home.

2021 - It’s a Sin : Elton John and Years & Years - This arrangement of the 1987 song by the Pet Shop Boys was recorded by the gay icons Elton John and Years & Years for the 2021 Brit Awards. The words are about a person’s lifelong feelings of shame and guilt for being taught that being gay is a sin. 

2021 - Born this Way (The Country Road Version) : Orville Peck - For the 10th anniversary of this iconic song, gay singer Orville gives it a country music makeover

2022 - Good Day (feat. Derek Webb) : Flamy Grant - Matthew Blake was a worship leader for 22 years who has become a “shame-slaying, hip-swaying, singing-songwriting drag queen” named Flamy Grant. The lyrics talks of coming back to church after having left for feeling oppressed. They’ve come back to church because despite what some say, God’s love is expansive enough for everyone. God made me good in every way, so I raise my voice to celebrate a good day. This song hit #1 on the iTunes Christian chart.

2022 - If I Was Gay : Andreas Wijv - 29 year old Swedish singer and model Andreas Wijk wrote this song and debuted it in a TikTok video where he plays it for his parents as his way of coming out. It’s a vulnerable song that many will relate to. If I was gay would I be what they say, just a stereotype? If I was gay how do I get to heaven when there’s “no church in the wild”?

2023 - Faith : Semler - Grace Semler Baldridge performs by the name Semler and is genderqueer and nonbinary. Semler grew up with a dad who was a pastor in the Episcopal Church, and sings of how the rejection of their identity by the church left them scarred. When my religion turned against me, they said my hopes and dreams were faulty. I showed these holes inside my hands, and they claimed they couldn’t see. Even as they struggled with the church, Semler kept a relationship with Jesus and found they flourished far more than they did in church, and now the thought of going back to a church is unappealing. But I don’t wanna get small to be in those rooms. After singing about their religion turning against them, we hear the lyrics Our God is good and able, and our God is flipping tables at the mess of love we made a religion that often didn’t accept their identity. This song was released in June and before Pride month was over it reached the top of the iTunes Christian music chart.

2024 - Hell Together : David Archuleta - This is a song of David’s experience at church as a gay person: Bow your head, don’t be bold. You’ll survive by doin’ what you’re told. It became too much and he worries what his mom would think if he leaves the church: All I want is to make you proud. If I would run, would I let you down? In response, she replies: “If I have to live without you. I don’t wanna live forever in someone else’s heaven. So let 'em close the gates. Oh, if they don’t like the way you’re made, then they’re not any better. If Paradise is pressurе, oh, we’ll go to hell togethеr.” A beautiful story of a mom supporting her queer child. In response to his mom, he answers that he’s worried about what’s ahead but is confident to take those steps together: You and me, that’s all we need. Blood is thicker than the pages that they read. I’m afraid (I’m afraid) of letting go, of the version that I used to know. I’m not crying, you are.

[losersroom]

could u directors cut the conversation of gay90s where it's like "I’ve been thinking about April. You know, before I left." to "“Absolutely,” says Brock, who has never understood anything less in his life"....whatever pieces of that that u want to!! i just love that conversation and would love to hear ur behind the scenes!!!!

GOD so like. alright that whole fic grew out of a conversation me and g were having Forever ago about this post, particularly the second point. and i was like, oh hey, that reminds me of this story i wanted to write about brock going to the gay 90's. and then i sat on it for like two more months.

so the important thing to take away from this is that it was only ever supposed to be that first part, where brock and jonas run into each other and then jonas sucks him off and they kind of subtly agree to not talk about it, the end. but like, i am at heart a gigantic sap and i wrote up to there and realized i couldn't leave it on the final line of. it can never happen again. because i too have been gay and closeted and sad about it, and i didnt want to give all that to brock.

(the other thing, which you didn't ask about but here it is, is like. a lot of these thoughts and attitudes i gave brock in that fic were just... how i felt, about myself and queerness and everything, at age 21/22, born and raised in the midwest. and like obviously i grew up and got over it and i'm extremely queer and trans and married now, and i want to think, hey, in this universe i'm constructing, it can get better for brock, too. we just have to get him there.)

anyway i had to then construct like. a narrative throughline from blowjobs to some sort of mutual understanding. ive said this before but i always think it's fun in these things to like, present brock's opinions and perspective and expectations and just pepper in around the edges hints of what jonas is actually thinking and feeling and doing, which. doesn't always line up. and then make people guess what's going on in his head, same way as brock is guessing. what i HOPE people took from that scene is that, you know, that whole summer brock spent thinking about jonas, jonas was thinking about him, too. trying to work out in his head if brock being there was a one-time thing or if there's an opportunity to have something more. and i DONT want to get into whether or not i think jonas actually has a history in this continuity with any of the people that brock imagines he might, because i think it's more fun to leave people room to draw their own conclusions, but he definitely has more experience with Being Queer In The NHL than brock does, and navigating that world, and being just. careful about it. exercising caution. he might want to mess around with brock again, but he has to approach it with discretion, you know, in case brock... Isn't into that. (but in my heart, because i'm me, i also like to think that jonas is interested because it's brock, not just because he's there and potentially the only one of their teammates available. u know. in my heart everybody's in love, im a romantic, i can't help it.)

so that scene was just intended as like. connective tissue. but it wound up being my favorite part of the entire fic lol. just the... palpable awkwardness of trying to figure out if a guy is interested in you. being on the same page without really being on the same page. and then jonas choosing to just hang out awkwardly and watch a terrible movie at 2 am with brock not just because he cant think of another way to extract himself from the situation now that its clear theyre not going to fuck, but because he sincerely likes spending time with this idiot, lmao. that's Real. that's a move i would have done, when i was dating.

[pridepages]

Give and Take: A Power Unbound

I finished A Power Unbound by Freya Marske. I have thoughts...

Here there be spoilers

What do we know about love?

No, seriously, I'm asking. The more stories I hear--both real and fictional--the less sure I am that we have any idea what it is we're talking about.

Because love may be patient and kind...

But it also might be dirty degrading sex and someone to argue you into submission.

Meet Jack Alston and Alan Ross: the last couple in the found family of disaster gays trying to save the magical world in Freya Marske's The Last Binding trilogy. The third volume, A Power Unbound, centers the love story of Jack and Alan amidst the final confrontation that will decide the fate of the magical world.

(I actually find the magic and politics the least interesting thing about these books, so let's stick to kinky sex and power dynamics.)

At a surface level reading, Jack and Alan are an opposites-attract trope. Jack was born to power and privilege in every sense, titled and magical, while Alan scrambles to survive in a world where he literally repels power (both figurative and literal). Rather than fall into the temptation of a beauty-and-the-beast narrative or a cinderella story, Marske has the two of them lean into their inequality.

They get off on power struggle.

These two have the kinkiest role-play I've seen in traditional publishing. Full credit to Marske for writing a romance that says: "You can have all the deviant sex you want between safe, sane, consenting adults." (A radical notion when we're reluctant to increase the perception of gay sex as 'deviant,' but seriously, fuck respectability politics!)

But the mastery of character development here is how the push-pull of their chemistry translates outside of the bedroom.

When we first meet Jack Alston in book one, he's cast in a more villainous light. He's nasty and hurtful to his ex, Edwin Courcey. It would be easy to write Jack off as simply cruel, but from his perspective, the whole dynamic translates differently.

Jack is a "mean friend." His love language is to tease, to bait, to skirmish. He grew up jabbing his way through life, all knees and elbows. But every time he tried to draw Edwin out...he only ended up pushing him away.

It couldn't be more different with fiesty Alan. "They fit in ways they shouldn’t ever have fit. Even when they fought, they fit–there was no mockery falling on soft, malleable ground…Only the knowledge that any volley would be met and thrown back, brighter and better."

Jack and Edwin were fundamentally wrong for each other, their chemistry toxic. By contrast, Alan understands the love language of insults and banter. He's strong enough to take it.

But strength and weakness are their own sort of power, and both Jack and Alan are keenly aware of it. During one of their intimate scenes, Jack cuts the moment short because he realizes they are not in a moment of mutual pleasure. "When I fuck, it's because it's what I want. Not because I'm punishing someone, or too angry to be safe." Nor will he let Alan turn their intimacy into self-harm, refusing to be "used...as a rod to make stripes on your own back."

It's a critical piece of self-awareness. Jack knows he has a responsibility to use his power with the utmost control to create mutual pleasure and do no harm.

If Jack's journey is one of learning how to share power, then Alan's arc is about learning how to accept it. "Size and strength, station and wealth. All the advantages possible," Alan marvels as he looks at Jack. "Do you know how hard it is to believe someone won’t use it against you? To put your heart into someone’s hands knowing that?"

Alan may like to play at being overpowered, but that play is a consensual illusion: he knows that at any time he can voice the safeword and end the game. When it comes to sex, he can maintain control. But you can't safeword out of falling in love with someone. "Alan had never needed to lean on anyone. It was intolerable that he now kept turning out the pockets of his soul and finding caught in their seams the desire to let someone take his weight. The desire to be held, even kissed."

It's safer to lock yourself up: to stay in control by keeping the rest of the world out. But you can't have love without putting your innermost self on the line, making yourself as vulnerable as possible.

To take of someone else, you have to give everything of yourself.

I don't think it's a binary switch. The ways and means of how we create a give-and-take change depending on the people involved. Some people need soft and gentle love. Some need bright and sunny love. And some people need to be "kissed like an argument. Alan slid his hand to the nape of Jack’s neck and argued fiercely back."

All of them are good. Because all of them have the power to give and take what we need...and what we want.

Jack can be "masterful in the bedroom" and "take your heart between my ribs and guard it like my own." Alan can be a fighter and submissive, can hold his own and still want Jack to "kiss me until you know me, and unmake me, and love me anyway."

I don't know anything about love. But I think these guys just might.

When it comes to love, you'd better give as good as you get.