#bothering with doing the 'it's not the fault of the movie' etc etc BECAUSE NORMAL PEOPLE ARE AWARE OF THIS

[kadajsbitch]

How they deal with you when you’re emotional:

Final Fantasy VII

Warnings: Language, 18+, talking about mental health

A/n: This is my first time writing for this blog so bear with me. Idk if it’s going to be an active blog, but I got so much FF7 stuff I made and haven’t posted so I’m just going to drop it here lol 💀 hope you enjoy.

Also gifs aren’t mine.

Yazoo:

His answer to seeing you emotional will always be space.

It pisses him off to see you upset but not in a, "Oh my poor baby" way, but more of a "I don't want their ass being moody because that kills my mood, and it's annoying that they can't even calm the fuck down to tell me what's wrong right now." Way… 💀

So in a way he cares... but overall, he just wants things to be “normal” so he can continue on with his usual ways of life peacefully.

Once you calm the hell down, he'll come to you with maybe a tissue and a glass of water (so that your not snorting your own snot every thirty seconds) and he'll ask you what happened.

If your having an emotional outburst due to something like someone pissing you off, or your in physical pain and/or mental pain, he'll go into action to make sure its immediately taken care of ether that be dragging you to a doctor, or taking care of who bothered you.

If it's something having to do with something minor like a movie or book making you cry, then he very much will not be comforting you. You not being able to handle something fictional or even something based on real life (true crime, etc) is your own fault.

Maybe if said book is a work of Non-fiction and it was genuinely fucked up, he might add two cents and validate you on why your pissed but don't expecting him to cuddle and love you, and wipe your tears.

If it has to do with family stuff however, his reactions vary depending on the type of family situation, but he'll definitely try to be more comforting in the sense of not outright leaving you immediately despite it making him uncomfortable.

Kadaj:

Unlike Yazoo who walks away because he's not in the mood to deal with you in your upset state, he walks away because he knows how he gets when he's like this.

The last thing he would want was someone to see him at his lowest, and he feels it'll make you less prone to getting in this state if you don't have someone constantly comforting you.

Doesn't mean he isn't concerned however.

He'll find you after awhile and ask for a detailed explanation as to why you were so upset and like Yazoo, he goes into action.

If it's more on mental or physical side of an issue, he may offer some advice as to what he knows instead of wordlessly getting things set up for you, like Yazoo would.

If it's something minor, he's definitely annoyed but feels better knowing it's not something threatening.

"Why would you watch/read something like that when it clearly states in the description that it's that sort of (movie/show/book, etc)?" He’ll ask, probably rolling his eyes as he does so.

"Don't get anymore of this if your not going to be able to control your emotions."

Again, his reactions would vary depending on the family situations, because he does have some knowledge and experience when it comes to that, but he'd definitely be more comforting.

Loz:

Unlike either of his brothers, he immediately is standing up, looking at you like “what the fuck happened?"

Considering he could give less of a fuck about where and who he gets emotional with, you being upset in front of him doesn't phase him. It's just he wants to know what and/or who made this way.

In a way, he also wants to be there with you while you're in this state because he feels like he's the one who's constantly over emotional in front you, and so to him, it's like an "even" thing when it finally happens.

Not so much even, but he feels more comfortable being emotional when you are considering his brothers are far from emotional unless it's anger they’re displaying.

Surprisingly, he gives good mental advice if it has to do with mental health. Physical is something he'd have to get a second opinion on if that was the case, but regardless he's trying to help.

Uncomfortable with straight up cuddling (as are his brothers 💀), but he'll sit with you in either silence or try to talk to you to help you calm down.

If the reason for your emotional outburst has to do with something media like, he'll probably watch/read it to see if it'll give him that reaction too but most likely not. In that case he’ll probably shrug, a small smirk coming on his face because he can’t help but to feel in a sense more emotionally mature for once, but he’ll refrain from rubbing it in until your calm enough to handle his teasing.

If it's family, then he'll definitely listen and even end up throwing a situation that he's went through that's similar, once you finish and validate you on how your feeling. Overall, out of the three, he’s probably the best choice to talk to.

Bonus:

Sephiroth:

For the sake of this, I’ll be using C.C/Reunion Sephiroth. The remnants are still fairly new, and are adapting which is why I feel like they wouldn’t be out right evil in how they handle people they are acquainted with or have a more personal relationship with’s, emotional outburst.

Sephiroth is tricky when it comes to others having emotional outburst… as a war general, he’s used to seeing the effects of and after battle take toll on people and how they may become mentally vulnerable from it, and because of that he can be very indifferent and can come off a little harsh when he’s “comforting” those around him.

“Control yourself. This won’t be the first time you face obstacles such as these, so there’s no use in crying.”

If this is a situation outside of his usual work element however, he’d definitely feel conflicted on how to proceed.

Like his two other counterparts, I feel he’d separate himself from them due to randomly being thrown in this position. More so to keep himself calm.

I mean if we look back at C.C, he seemed fairly uncomfortable with Zack getting upset about the situation at hand, despite it being a dire one. So he’d definitely be further unraveled by someone having an outburst about something he may view as minuscule.

If it’s something having to do with someone bothering you, he’d have a quick reaction.

“Consider it taken care of.” He’d say stiffly, before hightailing it away from you to deal with whoever it was, hoping by the time he returned to brief you on what happened, you’d be more stable.

If it was mental or physical, like Kadaj he’d offer some advice on what he knew, but would ultimately do the more rational thing and suggest you speak to a doctor and/or therapist for your problems.

Again, going off from what we saw, C.C Sephiroth isn’t someone who really likes to be touched (despite him being so handsy in the remake 💀) so don’t be expecting a hug or for him to hold you or anything.

One time, a cadet was upset and he tried to force himself to do something other than stiffly telling them to get over it… he awkwardly held his hand out, and patted them… on the head.

While it did stop them from crying, the looks he got from those around him definitely made him reconsider ever offering physical comfort again. (He was trying though 😭)

If it’s something having to do with media, whether it be fictional or not, he’d simply shrug and tell you not read/watch those things if you couldn’t stomach it.

Family isn’t something he really has a grasp on, but he knows it’s important, and for your sake will try to listen and give his thoughts as best as he can for the sake of comfort.

[crystalkleure]

I'm gonna be real for a minute, I should probably spit out the reason I've had such a hard time posting or interacting here for awhile.

I have DID. I made this blog before I knew I had DID, most of the people following me clicked that button before anyone knew I had DID, and the general public doesn't really know what DID is, much less that it's not anything like the "multiple personality disorder" in the movies.

My system has a huge number of introjects in it. I, me, the alter writing this right now, am an introject. This is actually pretty normal, especially for someone like me, because the nature of my abuse has meant that I have spent most of my life extremely isolated [very against my will], with far more exposure to media like TV shows and games than to real people. You know how the people in your dreams have the faces of real people you've seen at some point, because your brain isn't good at coming up with brand new faces on its own? It's a little like that. For the DID brain to incorporate a trait into an alter, it has to be aware that that trait can even exist, which means it has witnessed it somewhere before, and the deeper human subconscious is not super great at just instinctually telling the difference between a real person and a fabricated depiction of a person, so the DID can snatch traits it has witnessed in both real people and fake people all the same.

Sometimes the DID sees a lot of traits it registers as desirable, useful to survival somehow, etc., all in just one source, be it a real person or a depiction of a person. [Or it sees just ONE trait that it latches onto really hard, and splits an alter just to embody that specific trait it perceives as so important.] And so the system can end up splitting an alter that is nearly identical to the way they have perceived that singular source, meaning that alter can resemble that source person or character extremely closely. This is all done subconsciously and involuntarily, the system has zero control over it, alters have zero control over what they are made out of. An introject does not get to choose their source.

...And on a website full of fandom shit, if you post art you have drawn of yourself, an introject alter, people are going to think that art is depicting your source person/character. And if you say "Actually that's just me," they think you are a roleplayer. Because people don't know what DID is. Even if you say "I have DID, Dissociative Identity Disorder" they can just assume that's some kind of roleplayer lingo, or something irrelevant to the Obvious Roleplay that is happening, or some kind of condition the roleplayer is just choosing to write their played character to have, and won't bother to look it up.

And this causes some extremely unpleasant problems!

People squee-ing over you and talking about wanting to kiss or touch you or ship you with some character [or themself]

People trying to roleplay with you. Usually flirtatiously.

Oh this is a fun one. People thinking you are a roleplayer, and if your source is a character who is under 18 but YOU are an adult [I'm fucking 25 years old, for example, and I will act like it], they will call you a pedophile for "aging up" the character just to roleplay adult things with them. Even if you aren't doing anything sexual, the mere fact that you are being perceived as "aging up" a character will get you side-eyed, because people still think you're being dirty with the character and they figure they just haven't caught you at it.

This one just sucks and is nobody's fault. People who are fans of an introject's source may feel uncomfortable when interacting with that introject, because they worry all the fan shit on their blog will be taken personally by the alter and gross them out. Which, while that's not ever an issue with my system tmk, can kind of happen sometimes with some systems' introjects; even if an introject alter logically knows they aren't their source, they might have difficulties viscerally believing that on a deeper level, and either way it can still cause discomfort when you bump into depictions of someone who looks just like you doing things you would never want to do.

People understanding that you aren't roleplaying yet they still get way too excited and obsessive over you anyway, because they view you as "omg my favourite character...but REAL!!!1!" [Which is both incorrect, and VERY uncomfortable for the introject alter. I am not my source, I have never been my source, I am an entirely different person who happens to resemble my source. Don't try to get close to me based purely on the belief that I am somebody I am not, actually get to know me before you decide whether or not you like me.]

People screenshotting you and putting you on r/fakedisordercringe for everyone to mock and harass, because they don't understand how dissociative disorders actually work and think legitimate shit about them is too weird to possibly be real

People fakeclaiming you in general because "there's no way that's real, real things are not this bizarre" and/or "Yeaahhhh I think you're just schizophrenic/borderline/etc., nevermind that I am not a qualified medical professional, and if I AM, nevermind that you aren't my patient and I don't know enough about you based on your social media presence to actually be able to accurately diagnose you with anything, much less dismiss a diagnosis as insanely complex and covert as DID"

People generally treating you like a weird bug on the sidewalk that a group of middle school kids are taking turns poking with a stick. I don't mind answering respectful questions about dissociative disorders, but shit like "wtf why would you do that, I think that's weird and I am assuming it's intentional and it makes me uncomfy" and "Have you ever tried just Not being crazy?" are not respectful questions.

TL;DR introject alters in fandom spaces get sexually harassed, called pedophiles, and told they're doing something wrong and being inconsiderate for existing [which, again, existing the way they do was not their choice] because "you're weird and that makes me uncomfy :( Can't you just Not?? SURELY you can just Not. Be normal."

Shit sucks. I'm sick of my system getting weird and mean messages every time any of us are open about existing.

[jsealand]

Trying to organize my season 4 Umbrella Academy thoughts (easier said than done with my audhd brain) and this is what I’ve got:

There were actually moments I enjoyed, but I think the things I didn’t like far outweighed the ones I did. Other people have covered those things pretty extensively—dropped storylines that don’t make sense to have been dropped (it’s kind of tradition in this show to drop some things, but there are others that at least need to be addressed if they aren’t going to be shown), characters acting entirely out of character (and not in a ‘people are complex and full of contradictions’ kind of way, but in a ‘the writers/creators wanted to force a storyline and it really shows, and also they straight up told us so’ kind of way), etc—so I won’t go into those.

(Here there be SPOILERS)

What I do want to explore my feelings on is the ending. It bothered me in a way I couldn’t quite put my finger on until I saw someone point out that it basically says ‘you were born wrong and the world is better off without you’, which is going to resonate in a familiar bad way with a lot of fans in a lot of marginalized groups.

I understand that because of the way the story began, the ‘born wrong’ part is true in a literal sense, in that dozens of people were forced to give birth, suddenly and violently, with no way to consent to any part of the process. Not the fault of the kids in any way, EDIT: but not really an acceptable way to end the series, either. [Actually, I take this back, because on further reflection it would mean arguing that children born from tragic or violent circumstances just shouldn’t exist. I can argue that we need to work toward a world in which those circumstances don’t happen anymore, but I won’t accept that people who already exist because of it should cease to exist. Fuck that noise. Move forward and work with the present, don’t try to change the past. And I get how with a time travel show that seems contradictory, but it isn’t: they already exist, therefore they deserve to *have existed*]

The ‘world is better off without you part’ is complete and utter bs—better off without marigold, yes, but not our beloved misfits—but I can’t think of a feasible way to have them in the world without their traumatic marigold births (it’s always bothered me in shows/movies when a character visits another timeline and sees their kids as someone else’s biological kids—NOT how it works—so I don’t think we could see them walking around in that park after having been born normally and living normal lives).

So, I understand why we got the basic plot of the ending. I don’t like that it’s the answer, but I understand it. What I absolutely *hate* is that we don’t have any positive resolutions for the Hargreeves. I think that’s the one thing the vast majority of fans could agree that we wanted from the ending and we really didn’t get it. (I’m sure there are people out there making arguments about how they at least went out together or the flowers popping up was a nice homage or something, but that’s not enough of a payoff of watching them go through hell for three and a somethingth seasons.)

Hence, my idea for what could have salvaged at least some of our feelings for season 4 (but not the fivela: that can rot in the rubbish heap of forced and unnecessary plotlines from which it sprung): we have the park scene and see our fan favorites enjoying their normal, peaceful lives—with the addition of some that were snubbed for whatever reason—and then we zoom out to see that this is being watched on the tv in Klaus’s afterlife (recognizable somehow, but maybe a little cozier and prettier) and there are the siblings all hanging out together, happily sharing pizza and squabbling cheerfully, and as we slowly zoom out further we see other people—Dave, standing behind a couch, hands Klaus a soda or something; Sloane leans over Luther’s shoulder and kisses his cheek; the other Sparrows are playing Twister or something else physical but fun; Grace and Pogo are laughing together as they… play chess, maybe? And even Reggie and Abigail are there, off to the side, smiling (Abigail benevolently, Reggie wistfully because he hasn’t quite earned a spot in the crowd yet—but we’ve seen glimpses of his ability to, so I think he’ll get there someday, especially with Abigail’s guidance). We continue to zoom out and we see all the people who might have been, but never were, and they’re together and happy. (The precedent was set in s3, after all, with Klaus’s mom having watched him all his life, despite not having even been his mom in that particular timeline.) And maybe we zoom back in to just our Hargreeves, and a teenage girl in a striped dress is sitting on a bike and looking at Klaus with annoyed resignation, but when he waves her over and offers her some pizza, she pauses for a moment, looks around at the others who are also offering—a soda, a spot on a couch, some chips, etc—and then smiles a tiny, barely-there, reluctant smile, and joins them for lunch.

[barbiegirldream]

ouch yeah the difference between comics and movies is what created the rift on how civil war is perceived by the audience. like in the comics it was very blatant commentary since if i remember correctly the talking points were fascist and the main target were mutants for simply being born like that and it was deeply fucked up to put them on any kind of register/list because again nazi rhetoric obvious even to a complete idiot. but the movies had a lot of problems to transfer this idea, mainly i think because of:

a) no mutants, already bad plot change since the mutants were literally the main point of it all, beings simply wanting to exist in peace because they were born like that. they changed it into superheroes being the main target but the thing is with mutants it was literal blatant fascism but here the waters were muddied because none of the avengers were born like that, which brings to point

b) the avengers and mcu as a whole were trying really hard to be realistic and gritty and when you go full realism, yeah country sovereignity and oversight of powerful organisations are common and expected. when the writers tried to make it based on our reality they wrote themselves into a corner, because yeah no shit the avengers would be fucking hated to hell and back if they were real, they do whatever the fuck they want with zero oversight and no respect for any law of any country. when in the comics mutants were treated horribly even as babies then the discrimination is very in your face and no sane person would agree but when a team of random people have the power of several nukes combined in a story that hopelessly clings to realism? no sane person would say "yeah sure leave them unchecked, i trust this group of strange unstable people to never do anything bad or destructive"

have no idea if my ideas make sense im sorry i might be blabering but this was the thing that has been bothering me for a while like yeah obviously comics address real life issues all the time through smart storytelling but the mcu movies are simply not smart enough for that they just fuck everything up . idk how to explain it better but the comics have a type of suspension of disbelief (destroyed towns being magically fixed, conflicts being solved in a few issues, etc.) like old cartoon shows where after the episodic disaster the town is back to normal. but mcu really wanted to copy reality and the laws of it 1:1 ratio and it became a huge mess

exactly but also civil war the movie was a mess. cause t'challa was only on tony's side to catch bucky. peter didn't know what the fuck they were fighting for just that iron man wanted him to help contain captain america. tony grabbed him last minute cause he saw spider-man catch a car with his bare hands and figured yeah that'll be useful. a lot of tony's support hinged on being able to leverage the Winter Soldier against people. cause I feel like a lot of people forget in Civil War that most people involved were not interested in the Accords. Like yes Steve opposed them but he more opposed keeping Bucky locked up.

Natasha swapped sides half way through cause she also didn't give a fuck and she's an international super spy she was Neva signing something that would allow the government to track her actions. Black Widow the movie kinda proved this.

Once T'challa realized that Bucky was not at fault he helped him and gave shelter to Steve. In the end Steve had all his friends by his side ready to back him up and fight to the death for him. And Tony had Rhodey and Pepper... right back where he started but Steve was still in his corner.

AND after Far From Home/No Way Home I think it's safe to say if Peter was ever asked to actually sign the accords he'd have been right there with Steve punching Tony in the face.

So I think it's safe to say the narrative of the MCU Civil War ultimately shows you that Steve is the good guy in the right but since the law branded him a fugitive all these cop brained people who only ever say acab cause they saw it trending are on Tony's side

(ALSO Civil War as a movie completely disproves the premise of Endgame and I think Steve got the worst ending out of any character including those who fucking died.)

[devandahlcourte-work-in-progress]

Section 3. four chapters, ending with chapter 13

I am reposting these first eighty-two chapters (in 22 sections) plus the prologue and the preface.

These posts will be the updated versions from my DeviantArt account, and since Tumblr may not display all the text correctly (it destroys anything I had in italics or underlined) I would still recommend reading everything there, on DeviantArt. They will also include internal links that navigate between the chapters on DeviantArt and will take the reader off Tumblr if clicked.

This came about because I noticed search engines were finding random sections of my book and displaying them along with some other people’s blog posts.

Okay, so that’s why I installed those internal links in each one… so that if anyone gets to a random section by way of a search engine and would like to read the story from the beginning, they can.

Only then did I realize that it wasn’t getting it’s search results from DeviantArt, but from old Tumblr.

There’s another problem at work here besides unrefined searches…

There is a new species of virus on the internet that likes to eat ancient Tumblr posts and barf them back up infested with adware - spyware - malware etc. The virus goes by names like TumGIR, TumBIG, TumPIK, or Tum(anything else but ‘blr’). The caps were added by me for emphasis so that maybe you can double check in case you’re not looking at an actual Tumblr post right now but one of these so-called “mirror” sites.

If you’re looking at this text through one of the counterfeit Tumblrs that I mentioned, then no link you click (assuming it even copies it with my links intact) will take you out; it will redirect you and show you all of the spam ads it wants to. So read carefully what url is showing on your browser right now.

If it is one of the untrustworthy ones I would suggest closing your browser window and doing whatever else you normally would in order to reset settings.

As far as my science fiction novel entitled “If And Only If,” the safest way to find it is by going to my Instagram:

@michelle.de.vandahlcourte

From there you can click on the link in my bio. It will take you to the beginning of the story on DeviantArt… the safe one! No malware.

P.S. None of this is Tumblr’s fault! It’s the malware/adware/spyware developers who are stealing people’s tumblr posts.

The actual content of this page appears below here👇

Section 3. four chapters, ending with chapter 13

↩️return to previous section, section 2

↩️↩️…and if you arrived here because of a search engine and you would like to read this story from the beginning, click here.

ℏ♄

Prajina eventually learned that the captain’s nickname, ℏ♄, was pronounceable with human vocal cords. But only certain humans had bothered to master this kind of “speech.” It was in fact, colloquially known as Mongolian throat-singing. It seemed it could be accurately reproduced by a master of this kind of singing who repeated one particular word, twice in a row, with a slight difference in pitch. So far Prajina’s new education from the device she said looked like an ancient “tanning bed” did not include any training in Mongolian throat-singing, or any Mongolian at all. The rest of the languages were to be covered in tomorrow’s session.

Her nickname could also be approximated by listening to the sound that the blue orbs called The Old Ones made when hovering in the Rock Hudson tv-movie version of Ray Bradbury‘s “The Martian Chronicles.” If you listened to the repetitious sound they make and let it repeat for two cycles but vary the pitch slightly from one to the next, it sort of sounds like it. The aliens on the Fomalhaut would still detect that you were speaking with a human accent either way, but they would understand who you were talking about: The Captain. Besides languages, all of the books were included as part of Prajina’s brain programming.

For the time being, due to physiological reasons, it was pointless to try and teach her too much more “alien speech” – or The Intergalacta as it was called – sort of an alien Esperanto. The term “alien” no longer made sense to use either. Notwithstanding semantics, most of the captain’s “native” speech, as Prajina thought of it, sounded like the synthesizers, eight minutes and forty-nine seconds into something called the “Rage Mix” by the 21st-century human called DJ BL3ND that she had in her public head cloud. The crew all regarded this as a catchy tune and had been going around seriously singing it, unable to get it unstuck from their heads.

As soon as they realized that DJ BL3ND was not actually a Ხᢈɧᯌ from the Epsilon Camelopardalis system, but in fact a human in a mask, they also learned that it was not the sound of his singing, but a combination of sound effects applied with a synthesizer program. They quit trying to hear meaning in the “words” and just enjoyed it the way a non-Italian speaker might enjoy a beautiful aria from an Italian opera without understanding the words. Their captain was getting tired of it already and was looking forward to relaxing with “Exit Planet Dust” by The Chemical Brothers back in her quarters when her regular shift time ended.

As the ship’s captain she had a certain autonomy that other public servants rarely experienced. It was well within the scope of her job to deputize other sentient beings as needed when it helped with a case.

And considering the magnitude of this case, it could be justified. But seriously? No one else from the member worlds of The Amphictiony would pull a stunt like deputizing a human; they were still just infants as a species and needed more time to develop. But the Captain of the P.S.L. Fomalhaut’s decision would not be challenged… not ordinarily, and certainly not in this instance. They never could convey the meaning of the letters PSL to Prajina. After attempting to translate, the words were still lacking. So the abbreviation followed by the name the humans had given to that star for which the ship had been named, would suffice. It was necessary to explain to Prajina that she was on a skewed-Minkowski-space-time-inter-dimensional craft, so they might as well give it a name.

What puzzled the captain also – but she understood that most beings, including her own species, went through a phase like this somewhere in their distant evolutionary past – was that humans used so little of their brain capacity. Like having a decent amount of books available in their libraries, and yet few, if any of them, having ever read them all. Why has every human not read every book ever written? At least the ones by humans?

And if you’re going to have over a couple of hundred major languages? Okay, that’s cute, she thought. But then why don’t all humans speak them all? She knew from Prajina’s thoughts that she resembled the bluish female, presumably, supervisory alien from the first Lilo and Stitch movie. Interesting, all around. That humans had already begun to think of such things.

Personally, ℏ♄ didn’t see the resemblance, and thought the cartoon reminded her more of her crazy Aunt ࠄo࠳ ୌѪ ృ, but some of the crew did find it amusing. So yes, they had already begun to think of things; theories that might have postulated the existence of ℏ♄ and her crew. And yet they couldn’t be bothered to read every book ever written, learn every language, take all college courses in all subjects... you know, simple things like that.

Moreover, once Prajina had realized they were “aliens,” she had not only wanted to see the captain’s true form, but had finally calmed down. That she was not more comfortable with her own “tribal god images,” suggested that maybe the contact manual needed updating. Well, the so-called “tanning bed” was now ready for Prajina’s session tomorrow, and ℏ♄ went back to her quarters and put on Loops of Fury instead.

“Young” Padmanabhan

Obviously we’re not talking about “Padmanabhan the postdoc...” who was too busy writing a grant proposal to be at the rave or involved in any of this. He got his grant, published, and repeated. He eventually became a principal investigator, a tenured professor, and lived happily ever after without ever knowing anything about Stalko-Taco or the shenanigans surrounding it. So it is no longer necessary to specify that we are talking about “young” Padmanabhan.

“You could see it in the Incredibles, and in the Gatorade soccer commercial. Also, the pharmaceuticals companies already had a lot of money to expend even back then,” he looked out into his audience to see if they were paying attention.

“But the matrix was all real actors,” Siouxsie said, raising her hand but then talking without waiting to be called, “so what does the intro scene have to do with hyper-animation?” While the book they were presently discussing wasn’t The Matrix, it made enough references to the film that it generated some interesting side discussions.

Padmanabhan could see the files in her head cloud, as permissions had been granted for him to overlap their public, academic areas with his own head cloud and he could see that she’d purchased the CliffsNotes. It still contained the ancient admonition at the beginning urging students not to use the CliffsNotes instead of reading the book. Well, technically, no problem there. Siouxsie was the type who read neither.

How he’d gotten wrangled into tutoring English and American Literature students was boring and simple: he was in a hurry to get his citizenship. Then he could get his car and move around the country relatively unobserved. Alex and Prajina didn’t need to worry about such things; theirs was bought for them – a mere $3 billion each.

It had not kept up with the rate of inflation since the ‘70s. Anyway, P & A were both from prominent, wealthy, old money American families. Alex from the Lexington Sohibnazarov’s, And Prajina from the Seattle Ranganathans. So clearly their parents could afford to buy their citizenships. Padmanabhan was not from the one percent, or even the ten percent, and had decided to go the volunteer route; he was going to be teaching in public schools after he graduated, delay grad school for two years, and that way at least enter grad school as a citizen. Now he was in a hurry though. He needed access to things that citizens could get – without the government scrutiny that would be applied to non-citizens.

The fact that this tutoring counted, was repugnant to him. These were kids whose parents were anywhere from deci-billionaires up to a few of centi-billionaires, who were supposed to go to university because that was what was expected of them. Only trouble was, they weren’t very bright. How could this be counted as public service and quadruple the speed at which he achieved citizenship? One semester. Slightly less than half a year, would replace two years of teaching actual underprivileged kids in high school algebra, trigonometry, and calculus. Someone had set it up. “The fix was in” as they said. Not fixed by him, though. He’d simply answered the add which his boyfriend had brought to his attention on his head monitor – by telling him okay, and to go ahead and “click” on it.

Back to the lecture. A dirty old couch. It had to do with such diverse subjects as entropy, pattern recognition, artificial intelligence, etc. Not likely anything these spoon-fed whiners would deign to read about.

The proverbial “dirty old couch” was a benchmark holy grail of sorts, around the turn of the 20th to 21st centuries. To be able to simulate one, meant that you had a computer-generated image so accurate that humans could not tell they were looking at a computer-generated image, and might in fact believe they were seeing an actual photograph of someone’s apartment for instance.

If in the universe of the matrix, they had succeeded in producing an entire computer-generated world that humans believed was in fact reality… Then the dirty old couch goal had presumably been reached long ago. So they didn’t literally go for a couch, sofa, etc. Instead it was a pair of chairs. But they did make sure to have them be both dirty and old. The scene where Morpheus meets Neo to start explaining to him what the matrix really is, takes place on a pair of dirty old chairs. It’s symbolic. Duh. CliffsNotes to the rescue. How lazy do you really have to be to need someone to read them to you? That was essentially what Padmanabhan was doing if he stuck to the lesson plan.

The book they were “reading” however had tie-ins to what he was actually trying to investigate, as it related to P&A’s disappearance. A curious little synchronicity… and helpful one. It gave him a plausible excuse to have billionaire teenagers (citizens) go poking around in Cryptomancer™️ related matters. It was too risky to do it himself, since those local cops back in Kentucky had most likely forwarded everything they had to the feds. He shouldn’t even be a “blip” on their “radar” right now, as his Grandpa Kaushik used to say. But he might become a rather large, obvious blob on the radar screen if he were known to be sniffing around into Cryptomancer security matters.

As he understood it, the company called Cryptomancer™️ had developed a technology that made it possible to use video as evidence in courts of law once again. In fact, there were many uses for video, once verified to be actual video, such as news, official educational documentaries, etc.

His great-grandfather, as a legal aid attorney, had been alive and practicing during the entire but brief time period in which videos were inadmissible. He had shown young “‘Rajan,” as Padmanabhan was affectionately known, a “video” of someone named OJ stabbing and killing a man and woman. Then a “vid” of the same man and woman, in the exact same surrounding scenery, being stabbed and killed by a former U.S. president, then a fictional character in a hockey mask took a turn at stabbing them. Although the two people depicted were actual murder victims who suffered a horrific death at the hands of someone, none of the so-called videos were real.

The point being, that at some time in the twenty-first century, video simulation technology had become so advanced that it was impossible to tell the difference between “cartoons” and reality. It immediately meant that you could make entire movies that contained no human actors. You could make your own “virtual movies” à la Capaccio, on your desktop – starring no one who was ever actually born.

If for some reason you ever thought that Rita Hayworth would’ve given a better performance as Princess Leia in Star Wars? You could go through and replace her in every scene. Or have yourself as Princess Leia. Or your best friend as Han Solo. Replace any actors in any movie ever made before 2036, due to loosened copyright restrictions, with any other actors from any time period... or non-actors, or non-people/simulated people. And it would all look perfectly realistic. Someone who had never seen the first Star Wars movie from 1977, would never know it didn’t originally star You as Luke, Frank Sinatra as Obi-Wan, etc.

The downside to it of course was that you could now frame anyone, for any crime. From robbing a liquor store to assassinating a president. Videotaped evidence, once considered incontrovertible, indisputable evidence in court, was immediately useless. There was simply no way of proving it really happened and that it wasn’t a simulation.

And closed circuit surveillance systems? Completely hackable. It was a variation of the old vacant room scene… Only now you could have a virtual security guard walk into your virtual room and “wave” at the camera. It could be a guard whom everyone recognizes at a company, even her/his best friend would recognize them as an employee; meanwhile, moving crews could be making off with truckloads of merchandise, terrorists infiltrating a government installation, whatever. For about three years, it was a real problem. Then came cryptomancer to the rescue.

Prajina

The tanning bed was of course nothing of the sort. It was a learning technology, essentially. But depending upon how one analyzed it, it might also appear to be a device for performing brain surgery.

The captain’s sweeping generalizations had led to a situation wherein some brain damage had inadvertently been inflicted upon Prajina. It was easily repaired with biocompatible nano robots. Not only were the required repairs effected, her neurophysiology was bolstered in such a way as to prevent further damage when educating her.

So according to ℏ♄’s directive, Prajina had now “read” every book ever written, spoke every human language fluently, and had taken and mastered all college courses and laboratories offered to all students on Earth. On the third day, she started to absorb some basic knowledge from the “alien” equivalent of books.

Prajina thought briefly about how her ancestors used to employ a thing called an IQ test. Presumably it was only to detect learning disabilities in its beginning. Then later a recreational use for it evolved as it became a fun way for people who thought they were smart to compare brain pans. Since she was now someone who had read – and memorized – every book ever written, and since Alfred Binet was among those authors, she couldn’t help musing about it. She concluded it would be complete nonsense to try and compute such a value for herself, obviously.

How do you estimate mental age? You’ll need that numerator before you can do the calculation. Even an extrapolation of a mental age would be absurd. At what mental age is someone supposed to have read every book ever written, taken and aced every chemistry & physics lab, be fluent in hundreds of languages and instantly be able to translate betwixt any of them? Arbitrary indices aside, she was now regarded by the “aliens” as the smartest human being alive. Her intelligence was roughly on par with what ℏ♄’s was in “kindergarten.” Her mission was explained to her; she had already accepted it and been deputized before any of the brain tinkering had ensued. But the specifics of how she was to carry out her mission, ended up being considerably more complicated than merely comprehending and accepting the assignment.

Brenda

Though she promised herself she wouldn’t do this, Monday evening after school again found Brenda pouring through papers… frustrated. She finally took that break she’d been promising herself. That’s when it occurred to her that her weekend call to someone who she knew could send her copies of all the files she was looking for, had yet to be returned.

It wasn’t like they’d gone so long without talking that they were practically strangers; two-to-three months, tops. And that was for people living in different cities who were both swamped with schoolwork. They were still close enough friends, she thought, that it shouldn’t feel like she was bothering him. “Even if I am? Fuck it! If I am bothering him it’s only temporary; once he hears what it’s about, he’ll be too intrigued to not want to talk,” she said under her breath, her thumb poised over the phone screen, ready to scroll through recents and call him again already.

She thought about how to summarize it to him in case he wondered why the sudden interest in Stalko-Taco...

That particular story had been removed. Okay, she reasoned. It’s their website I guess, they can do what they want. But here’s the thing: it wasn’t just on the creepypasta official website. There was fanfiction. It was open source. There were other blogs that talked about creepypasta stories. People – including him – did original drawings on DeviantArt, Tumblr memes, YouTube videos; they did cosplay in real life, made videos of it, and put it on YouTube. And Instagram. Sure, Stalko-Taco had never been as popular as JTK and Slenderman; If Brenda had to estimate she’d have said he (it?) was about on the level of Ticci Toby in terms of popularity. But there was nothing.

As if the internet had been wiped clean of it. Impossible, she knew, even though not a techie person. But not only that, it was as if people’s memories had been erased; people she talked to online over the weekend who were big enough fans of all creepypastas in general that they should have known about the taco, didn’t. Erasing people’s memories? Also an impossibility, she was pretty sure. Collective amnesia? Collective and ultra selective.

But she knew something super weird was happening when Wheeler didn’t remember!

She finally got ahold of him. No problems. He’d just been wrapping up a major project that afternoon and was about to call her, he reassured Brenda.

Her nerdy friend from Gus Grissom middle school had thought about actually going as Stalko-Taco for Halloween one year, when they were about 11, but then changed his mind and went as Ben Drowned. The last she’d heard – and it had been awhile – he was into Babadook cosplay on whatever free time he had. He’d rejected the idea, partly based on her recommendation; but he also agreed that too many people would think he was supposed to be the mascot for that baseball(?) team nearby in another town sponsored by some restaurant.

Though she knew nothing of sports, she was pretty sure they weren’t as well known as, say the New York Yankees. Not major-league, if that was the right term? So outside of their state, maybe in Berkeley and San Francisco where the story was set, people might not connect it with a minor-league baseball mascot. But in Austin where they lived? No way. Everyone would be saying it’s the mascot. Wheeler never forgot anything. He was a fucking genius and had gone to some high-tech specialty high school at FDR while Brenda’s parents moved her seventy-five miles south, to San Antonio.

Everything was cool about the couple of months of no speaking. They still kept in touch at least on a touch-base kind of level. But this time he acted like she was insane. Only he wasn’t acting though.

“Have you been trying to smoke bananas again? Did you get out your grandpa’s Anarchist’s Cookbook? I know you’d never try the toad thing because you’re vegan like us, or at least vegetarian, right? But did you –”

“Alright, knock it off,” she said finally able to talk amidst her laughter, “it was banana peels, and no, I’ll never do that again. All it did was give me a headache from hell. And you’re right about the toad thing: absolutely no way. And it wasn’t my grandpa’s book, it was my dad’s.” The realization overtook her: He truly had absolutely no recollection of Stalko-Taco.

Seriously? She went over it again with him: it was a Creepypasta story called Stalko-Taco. A giant living taco appears to the most stoned person it can find who is still technically conscious on any given night, who also happens to have the munchies, and then feeds the hungry stoned person.

“How is that scary?” Wheeler had asked. Well, that part wasn’t, she agreed. Though it was creepy that a twelve-foot tall taco was actually alive, right? But it did get scary when anyone acted violently towards the stoner, somehow acting as a protector – her memory wasn’t clear. That’s why she needed to find a copy of the old stories online somewhere even if the original website owners had chosen to delete them. Needless to say Mister “I’ve never heard of anything like that” did not have any copies of files to send her.

Why else was it scary? She thought to herself as Wheeler went on about the numerous other old times he could remember perfectly well.

It may have had something to do with the “men in black” type characters in the story who showed up afterwards to erase people‘s memories and cleanup evid......

Whoa! Major mindfuck! It dawned on her that maybe Stalko-Taco wasn’t a creepypasta story at all. What if it was absolutely Real, including the MIB sort of characters who showed up to do cleanup & memory erasure? And what if that was exactly what had happened!? Except they’d somehow forgotten to erase Brenda’s mind! Alright, that’s probably crazy, but that idea in and of itself would make a cool creepypasta; and although she was still very much an aspiring future creative writing major, Brenda felt like that might be straining her creative limits at the moment. Maybe some other time. But a good idea for capturing in the paisley mushroom-patterned brainstorming composition book which she was currently carrying everywhere in case she needed to jot ideas down, that was right there at arm’s reach.

Wheeler was out when she called back the next day, that time honestly just to talk and not so much to pump him for information. So she called Renaldo, the other math and science nerd whom she knew – from her high school. He wasn’t also an artist like Wheeler, but that wasn’t necessary.

True, he didn’t know creepypastas and wasn’t into any of this. But he could answer questions about tech stuff. Like could someone wipe all evidence of something from the internet? Maybe, he said, something called the NSA could do it; whatever that stood for. At 17 there was a lot of stuff she hadn’t heard of yet. But yes, it was some kind of super secret electronic spy agency and supposedly the single largest purchaser of computer hardware on the planet. If they could do something like that, along with bots to search for any sites mirroring it and possibly post-patriot act seizure and strong arm tactics to make the owners of the servers cooperate... their conversation droned on like this as Brenda sipped her coffee to stay awake and listen to him.

...and even if someone used a scrubber, they might still find traces of it with a SQUID. “OK,”

she stopped him. “Scrubber, I can sort of guess at the meaning of, in this context, but squid?”

“Superconducting quantum interference detector,” he elaborated.

All right, a gadget of some kind then, as she now understood it. He continued lecturing. Basically, yes, he’d tried to explain. But not something a typical high school kid would have access to. Not even a typical police department would have access to it. For major crime, the local PD would be able to make a request from the FBI. Some university or corporate R&D facilities might be able to pull it off, but in order to be admissible as evidence, the authorities would most likely want to keep it all within law-enforcement.

He went on detailing how to use a so-called low tech “book code” to supposedly thwart the electronic spooks. After what seemed like an eternity later, he changed gears a bit. “It’s not going to be relevant though, for what you’re talking about, Brenda.”

She wondered why, perking up. He continued: “a bunch of kids searching for evidence of an open-source cartoon –” what Renaldo understood creepypasta to be, so far – “aren’t going to find it if The Powers That Be at the highest level really wanted it wiped.” He continued on for another 15 minutes with tech-splanations.

But why would “they” really want that, she pondered, thinking about her earlier revelation that maybe this was reality and was never supposed to have been a creepypasta story. Renaldo pointed out to her the ridiculousness of this idea at the outset: “Why would The Government build a giant robotic taco in the first place??”

He was automatically presuming it had to be the government. Brenda hadn’t really thought it through enough yet to assign blame to anyone.

“Let alone,” he continued, “allow it to be seen, enough times to become an urban legend in the 90s, allow details of it to be published in story form on the Internet, let it be viewed by as many as 8 million viewers...”

An estimate she knew he’d made from official CP website stats that they displayed on their page, which she also recalled seeing. The number bothered her as well. Because if you are going to “erase” the memories of that many people, you’d need an army of goons to go track them down and do all that... and then how do you keep that many mouths shut? Have a smaller super-elite goon-squad that erases the erasers?

Renaldo hadn’t hit upon the concept of memory erasure at all, as was apparent from his ongoing analysis: “...and then expend all that energy just to erase Internet-only evidence of it? What about all the people who read it and remembered enough, or just copied files to their local drives or clouds. Or people who, like your friend Wheeler, might’ve actually done cosplay as this taco?”

That’s when Brenda asked him the next phase of her question: can people‘s memories be erased?

It was too late. Renaldo’s mom was hollering at him to get off the phone since it was a school night, and Brenda told him it’s okay; they both had school in the morning. He agreed they’d pick it up here, later.

Continue on to next section…

If And Only If

Copyright 2015

by Michelle Viviénne de Vandahlcourte

All rights reserved.

No portion of this book may be reproduced in any form without written permission from the publisher or author.

This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, businesses, places, events, locales, and incidents are either the products of the author’s imagination or used in a fictitious manner. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental.

First Edition. © December 16, 2015.

[maximoffcarter]

Mind off.

Pairings: Wanda x reader

Summary: Wanda and y/n have been dating for quiet a while now. Both being connected by a stone makes them a little similar. With this discovery, Wanda could always listen to y/n’s thoughts, she knew what she wanted, she knew the next thing she was supposed to do, even at night she heard them. Sweet and somehow funny at first, until it starts crossing the line... 

A/n: This was specially requested by @mionemymind, I do hope you like it and you all enjoy it. I take requests, I have other ships I can also do and if you have any idea you can either use the ask box or you can message me privately;)

The mind is a mystery for everyone; they keep memories, they keep secrets, they keep thoughts, they get their imagination from it, etc. Once in a while, they hear people say, ‘I wish I could read minds’ ‘I wish I could know what he/she’s thinking about’, but they know it’s almost impossible; but not for Wanda. The redhead could remember the first time she heard voices in her mind, she thought she was dreaming, but it was early in the morning, people walking around the building, and later on she figured out she was inside their minds. It hurt, it was annoying, she felt her head would explode, but she then learned that she had to focus on her, she sometimes sang a song or sometimes just asked Pietro to talk about something so she could use her mind to imagine it.

Ever since she met y/n, she couldn’t help but read her mind, it was soothing, it was calming, all y/n thought was about Wanda; she had started to feel things for Wanda at some point, but she was so confused as if it was right or not to tell Wanda about it. It was then when she decided she was going to tell y/n about the mind reading and controlling and confess that she had seen her thoughts. It wasn’t what she expected, she expected y/n to be mad about being on her mind or that she would think that Wanda had controlled her mind, but no…instead, they had decided to go on a date.

The memory still made Wanda happy, she was finally happy. Every now and then she would hear her thoughts, she would sometimes stay up at night to listen to what y/n couldn’t say. Every night it was the same thing, nothing different other than y/n thinking about training or another mission or even about a song, until that one night. Wanda had stayed watching the movie they were both supposed to be watching it together, she was holding y/n’s hand and played with her fingers, just like y/n would do every now and then, until something caught her attention from the brunettes mind. She normally didn’t wake her up at least a bad thought had invaded her mind, but this night, she couldn’t wait.

**********

Wanda caressed y/n’s hand softly as she called her name, her heart beating faster than ever. “Y/n? My love, can you wake up?”

Y/n groaned softly as she turned to look at Wanda, smiling sleepily at her. “Hi there.” She yawned as she looked around the room. “I fell asleep, didn’t I?” She chuckled softly as her eyes laid on the TV again.

“Y/n…” Wanda said with a slight serious tone.

Y/n turned to look at Wanda once again. “Yes?”

“Do you really love me?” Wanda whispered quietly, almost to herself, she was afraid to speak but she had to ask because she had to know.

Y/n stopped for a moment as she stared into green eyes. “I…you…you heard t-that?”

Wanda nodded. “It’s just…you know…I sometimes can’t stop doing so.” She confessed a little nervous, now wanting to take back what she had said.

Y/n smiled softly as she looked how nervous Wanda looked. “I do.”

Wanda smiled. “Really?” She now sounded relieved, a big weight falling from her shoulders.

“Yes, I do. I love you, Maximoff.” She offered another smile as Wanda moved on top of her and leaned down to kiss her lips, y/n’s hand going to Wanda’s waist.

“I love you too.” Wanda whispered against her lips as she smiled. Maybe reading minds wasn’t as bad as she thought…

**********

Some months had passed ever since that moment, their relationship had grown closer just like they both had. Wanda figured out that they were connected, apparently, with Bruce words, y/n had similar powers just like Wanda, and she was still developing some of them, so that meant, somehow, they were connected because of the stone. Science thing that Wanda hadn’t cared much about, it only made her happy that after all, she could really say that she was her soulmate. It had become their thing to have Wanda hearing her thoughts; if she got an idea and she was afraid to speak up, Wanda would talk for her, if she wanted to ask Wanda something but was too afraid to do so, Wanda answered without questioning it. It was fun sometimes, funny to others, until that one day that haunted y/n’s mind.

They had gone to a mission; normally Tony and Steve had agreed on not sending y/n and Wanda together, they thought that if either of them was hurt, the other wouldn’t think and would do something they hadn’t meant to, so they decided to always send them in different missions. But this day in particular, Natasha and Sam were on a mission together, Peter was nowhere to be found and Bruce was busy in the lab, so Steve had no other choice than to take the two of them with him, Tony said it wouldn’t be a problem, but he was wrong.

While in the fight, from one moment to another, Wanda had been hurt badly, not being able to defend herself as powerful as she was, this had y/n freezing in her place, not knowing what to do. She grew angry and almost did something that also risked her life. It wasn’t until Steve stopped her and Wanda got to stand up and walk away as if nothing had happened. But the thought stayed in y/n’s mind. Wanda had protected her, she was powerful than anyone, how come she had been hurt? And it had been bad because she laid on the floor for a few good minutes, which scared her the most.

Back in the compound, y/n couldn’t stop thinking about it, as hard as she tried, as hard as she wanted to shut her thoughts, she just couldn’t do it. She knew that Wanda would hear her, and it would worry, or it would bother her, but could she help it? They had hurt their lover, Wanda had protected her, she was supposed to get hurt. Wanda said nothing when she heard the thoughts, she knew that she didn’t want to talk about what had happened in that moment of weakness she had, so she just let it slip and they never touched that topic again. Until a few days later that she noticed y/n not being able to stop thinking about it and also couldn’t stop worrying about Wanda, looking at every movement that Wanda did. It was strange, it was…not new, probably, because she knew she cared, but it was becoming overprotective.

Y/n was cooking dinner since some of the team members were on a mission, she tried to keep her thoughts shut as she thought the things she had to do, looking around the kitchen.

“Don’t worry, I got it.” Wanda said as she walked into the kitchen, grabbing some plates, and placing them on the table.

Y/n stared at Wanda as she smiled. She accepted the help, always, but Wanda had been distant in the last few days, which worried y/n terribly, but again, she couldn’t let Wanda hear those thoughts.

“I told you early this morning that I’m fine.” Wanda said as she looked back at y/n.

Y/n looked up again and shrugged. “I didn’t say anything.”

“You thought it, y/n.” As hard as Wanda tried, she couldn’t help her words being so cold.

“Fine. I’m sorry.” Y/n went back to cooking until she heard everyone walking directly to the dinning room.

“Wow, y/n cooking. That’s new.” Sam teased as he smiled at y/n. Nat and Steve laughing along with him.

“Yeah, well, it would surprise you what I can do.” Y/n snapped as she grabbed the bowl and walked to the table to place it in the middle.

Sam, Nat, and Steve exchanged looks, not knowing that was going on. Steve went ahead and walked to the table. “Well, it does smell good, y/n. Doesn’t it, Wanda?”

Wanda nodded as she tried to offer a smile. “Sure does.”

By the way Wanda replied, Natasha already knew that something had happened between them, it was weird when they both fought or argued, it wasn’t common on them, so seeing them acting this way had Nat thinking what could’ve happened.

____________________

The rest of the dinner was actually awkward once they all sat down. Wanda and y/n had sat away from each other, something everyone noticed because they always used to sit together. Y/n tried so hard to shut her thoughts, she normally was so open with them knowing that Wanda didn’t mind, she was now upset that she had let Wanda listen to each one of them when maybe she hadn’t wanted to. She didn’t even know why Wanda was so upset and distant at this point, but she couldn’t push away all of these negative thoughts, her worry for Wanda, she couldn’t stop thinking about it.

She had decided to clean the kitchen and around the dinning room just so she wouldn’t have to face Wanda for now. She was alone, so at least she thought that she could think about everything now, to let her thoughts run around her mind, she couldn’t talk about it with Wanda or anyone, so if she thought about it, she thought maybe it would help someway. But then she heard a door opening and footsteps coming to the kitchen, she didn’t feel right about this, something was about to go down.

“I told you, I’m fine, y/n. I don’t know why you worry about me if I can defend and protect myself.” Wanda said as soon as she stood in the kitchen, just a few feet away from y/n.

“How…”

“I can hear you. Even if you are away from me, I can still hear you. You being here does not mean you’ll shut me out of your mind.” Wanda’s eyes turned red as she spoke,

Y/n furrowed her brows as she threw the kitchen towel. “You know what? It’s not my fault you can do the mind reading thing, I can’t just shut my mind whenever you want me to. If you so want me to not think, then just stop reading my mind. Stop getting into my mind. It was cute and funny at first, but now I know that it just annoys you.”

“It does annoy me! You won’t stop worrying or thinking about what I’m about to do next. If I go to a mission or not, it does annoy me!” Wanda raised her voice but tried to stay in her place.

Y/n heart stopped as she heard Wanda. “It annoys you that I care for you?”

“I can defend myself, I’m capable of taking care of myself. You worry as if I wasn’t able to do so, as if I was an idiot who can’t fight.”

“Where the hell did you get that from, Wanda? I never said that. I never thought that. I worry about you, I care for you. You were hurt because of me, you tried to protect me, and you got hurt. And I know you got hurt because you didn’t stand up like you normally do.” At this point, y/n had tears in her eyes, not being able to deal with the fact that she was arguing for such a silly thing with Wanda.

“So what? I got hurt! That does not mean I can’t fight, that does not mean I can’t protect myself. And it’s not only that, but you also can’t stop thinking about it at night, you can’t stop thinking about the stupid missions, you can’t stop worrying. It does annoy me, it does tire me out. I can’t think for myself, I can’t focus on my own thoughts because I have your thoughts in my mind.” Wanda tried to stay as calm as she could, but she couldn’t stop talking now, she had to get all out or she would explode.

Y/n stared at Wanda for a good time, not believing her words. “I didn’t…” she looked down at her hands.

“I know you didn’t know, but I cannot keep your thoughts away, I can’t focus on mine. Your thoughts are always on my mind, you worrying, you thinking about missions, you can’t even stop thinking at night.” Wanda said calmer this time, but she could see that she had already done something wrong.

Y/n bit her lip as she tried to stop her tears. “I didn’t know…I didn’t know I annoyed you that much.” She looked down.

Wanda tilted her head as her eyes softened, feeling tears in her eyes. “Y/n, I didn’t mean-“

“No. I get it. Don’t worry.” Y/n sniffed as she wiped away her tears. “I’m not…I need to get some air.”

“Y/n, it’s late and…” Wanda tried to walk close to her, but y/n raised her hand and Wanda stopped.

“Leave me alone. Please. You also need your space from me, apparently.” Y/n simply said as she ran away from the kitchen.

Wanda exhaled as she finally felt the tears running down from her eyes. She hadn’t meant to sound so mean and harsh, she hadn’t meant any of this to end in an argument. She had done something bad, she wanted to take it all back, she couldn’t lose y/n.

_______________________

Wanda had been awake all night waiting for y/n to come back, she was worried because she suddenly couldn’t hear her thoughts, she didn’t know where she was. She had wanted to go to her room, but she didn’t know if she was still upset, but even then, if she was in her room, she should be able to actually hear her and she couldn’t, not even a cry, or the sound of the TV. There was nothing she could’ve done either way, she had ruined it by yelling at her and well…by talking. It didn’t bother her or annoy her, she was still somehow insecure of herself and the thought of y/n worrying so much made her think that she didn’t believe in her, but she knew that was not true. She knew that by now she probably had ruined the one good thing she had in life.

Wanda finally decided to go check on the brunette and say she was sorry, she needed to control this and focus on her own thoughts, she had to work this out but the only way she’d do so, was if y/n was there for her, if she was by her side, she did need her. She opened the door to her bedroom and jumped as she found Natasha standing right in front of her.

“Nat, what-“ Wanda stopped as she saw blood covering part of Natasha’s body, she noticed the bruises that started to form in her face; she looked terrible. “Natasha, what happened?”

Nat swallowed as she tried to find the right words, not sure anymore if she wanted to be the one telling Wanda what had happened. “Wanda…we got an emergency call. Y/n was outside, so I asked her to come with us. But…we didn’t know they were prepared for us to get there. They fought as hard as they could and-“

“Natasha…where is y/n?” Wanda felt a big pressure on her chest as she felt tears in her eyes already.

Natasha sighed as she bit her lip. “Bruce and Tony are checking her downstairs. They were prepared specially to…” she swallowed. “…to attack you. Y/n couldn’t resist it and she…she’s not okay, Wanda. We can’t get her to wake up.”

Wanda felt her soul leaving her body as she fell to the ground, Natasha tried to grab her, but Wanda kept pushing her away. This was her fault, it should’ve been her, she really fucked up this time.

____________________

We are trying everything we can…She still heard Bruce’s voice, repeating the same words over and over again, more like he was assuring himself that he was trying and that he was really working on it for y/n to come back. It’s been a few days, Wanda lost track of days. She wouldn’t leave at least it was for the bathroom, and even then she went back to the room as fast as she could. Nat or Steve would bring food so she could eat, but she wouldn’t even finish it all. Peter tried to cheer her up, he was the closest to their ages so Tony thought he would get her, but Wanda never paid attention, never taking her eyes away from y/n. Natasha decided she would finally talk to Wanda, someone needed to, they couldn’t just leave her there losing herself slowly.

Natasha entered the room and closed the door quietly, even if she knew that Wanda would feel her in the room. “Wanda?” She asked softly as she walked to the other end of the room, sitting in one of the sofas.

Wanda didn’t even look up at her, she felt that if she teared her eyes away from a minute, she would let y/n go, her heart wouldn’t be able to handle it. She couldn’t lose her too, she couldn’t possibly bare this pain, not again.

“Wanda…it’s been days. You need to look out for yourself.” Natasha talked softly as she found a better position to sit. She looked at y/n for a moment as she sighed. “This is not your fault, Wanda. I should’ve called you, not her.”

“She wouldn’t have let you, anyway.” Wanda whispered softly as she grabbed y/n’s hand.

“Why would you think that?”

“She was worried about me. The last mission we had…I got hurt. I told her horrible things, Nat. I was tired, I was…I couldn’t think. I couldn’t focus on my thoughts and I…I yelled at her for it as if it was her fault. She only worried about m-me.” Wanda sobbed.

Natasha shook her head. “Whatever happened before the mission, it doesn’t mean it’s your fault. Steve and I should’ve known better. We should’ve protected her.”

“She can do it herself, Nat. But…it should’ve been me. Not her.”

“And that’s on me.”

Wanda shook her head. “No…this is not your fault. It’s mine and only mine.”

Natasha stared at Wanda for a minute, giving her the space to breath and calm down. She didn’t think she would get words out of her, she thought they’d sit on silence, but she was also glad that somehow she could get some things out.

“She’ll come back to us, Wanda.”

Wanda’s bottom lip trembled as she raised her hand, red light coming from it as she placed it just above y/n’s head. “I can’t feel her…” she whispered softly.

Nat knew then that Wanda was slowly losing hope and that’s what scared her the most. She then stood up and Wanda finally looked up at her. She couldn’t leave her side, she couldn’t let her go, but she also knew that Natasha only wanted to be there for her. Wanda stood up and wrapped her arms around Nat as she finally let herself break down. It was all a nightmare, now she knew how much she should’ve cherished those moments with her, all of those thoughts.

____________________

After a few hours, Nat walked out of the room to find Steve waiting outside. They both shared a smile as Nat walked to him. “How is she?” Steve asked.

Nat shook her head. “I’m afraid she’s slowly losing hope. She thinks it’s her fault. I knew there was something wrong between them, I shouldn’t have told her to come with us.”

“Romanoff, you can’t blame yourself too.”

“But you can?” Nat looked up at him. She shrugged. “We are all blaming ourselves. And until y/n wakes up, no one is going to get over it.” Natasha looked back at Wanda through the glass. “She won’t get over this, and I’m afraid this will only destroy her more.”

“We won’t lose her. She won’t lose her. Bruce and Tony are making sure of that.”

Nat shook her head. “Steve…we need to be realistic. Wanda can get in her mind, she can get in all of our minds. She can’t hear her anymore, or even feel her. What hope do we have after knowing that?”

Steve sighed as he nodded. “We can only wait.” He wrapped one arm around Nat.

____________________

“I’m sorry…” Bruce said one last time as he walked out of the room.

Wanda looked back at y/n with tears in her eyes. This was a complete nightmare, there was no turning back, there was no way she could undo this, she had left already, she was gone. How could this be happening? Wanda walked to y/n again and felt herself getting angry, something within her burning as her body became warm. This should be her, not y/n. She was supposed to be in that bed. Wanda’s lifeless body should be laying there. She knew it wouldn’t be fair to her either, y/n would be suffering just like Wanda, it was selfish, but she couldn’t bare this pain anymore. She had been here so many times.

“Why? Why are you doing this to me?” She whispered softly as her bottom lip trembled. “You promised you wouldn’t leave…you promised you’d stay with me. Why?” She rested her head against y/n’s chest as she hugged her. “I need you…I can’t do this without you. I can’t. Please come back.”

Tony walked into the room just as he heard Wanda talking. He looked down for a moment, giving Wanda a little more time, but he knew it was time to get Wanda out of the room. He walked to Wanda and placed both of his hands on Wanda’s shoulders. “Wanda…”

“No.”

“Wanda, we need-“

“No! She’s all I have! I need her!” Wanda yelled as her eyes turned red, she couldn’t let go yet.

“Wanda, she’s gone. She’s-“

Wanda pushed Tony away with her powers as she turned around. Her hands now glowing red just like her eyes. “Don’t you think I know that? You said she’d wake up! You said she would come back to me! And now you’re telling me I have to give up on her?!”

Tony tried to stand up but felt a sharp pain in his side. “We did everything we could, Wanda. She’s not as strong as you are-“

“She was strong. She could do it herself. It should’ve been me. Don’t you say that about her.” Wanda let more tears roll down her cheeks as she slowly walked to Tony. “I shouldn’t have trust you. Now she’s gone. I lost everything.”

“Wanda…”

“Wanda…”

“Wanda!”

Wanda opened her eyes and tried to adjust them as she looked around the room. “What?” She sat up on the bed as she finally found Natasha sitting beside her. “What? Where…why am I here?”

“Steve brought you here after you fell asleep sitting on that uncomfortable chair. I told Tony he has to get better chairs.” Nat chuckled.

Wanda furrowed her brows. “I fell…I fell asleep? But-“ she looked down at her hands and tried to figure out what had really happened. “I-“ she shook her head as she looked up at Nat again. “Y/n…”

Nat smiled. “I told you she’d be okay.” She stood up as she motioned for Wanda to stand up too. “She’s waiting for you. She didn’t want us to wake you up since we told her how you didn’t get any rest.” Wanda’s eyes widened a little as she rapidly stood from the bed and ran towards the room. “Wanda! She’s in her room!”

But Wanda already knew this, she smiled as she could finally feel her. She opened the door of y/n’s room to find her looking directly at the door and smiling at Wanda. “Hey sleepyhead.”

Wanda chuckled softly as she walked slowly to the bed and climbed just to lay down beside y/n and wrap her arms around her. Y/n kissed her head. “I thought I had lost you.”

Y/n shook her head. “C’mon, I may not be as powerful as you are but…I can survive it.” She teased as she looked down at her.

Wanda looked up at her again. “I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t have told you all that.”

Y/n shrugged. “You were right, and I am sorry. But…we can work it out together.” She said softly as she ran her hand through Wanda’s hair.

Wanda furrowed her brows. “Why can’t I hear you anymore?”

“I guess we both learned something knew.” Y/n smiled. “I know I have to stop thinking too much. And you, missy, need to stop getting in my mind.” She chuckled softly.

Wanda smiled again as she moved up to kiss y/n’s lips softly. “I don’t mind anymore. We will work it out together.” She said against her lips as she kissed them again. “You had me scared. I couldn’t…I couldn’t feel you and I had…I had this nightmare.” Wanda shook her head as she felt tears in her eyes.

“Hey…” y/n made her look up at her again and smiled. “I’m here. I’m not going anywhere. I promised and I won’t break that promise.” She smiled. “Maybe we need communication in a different way, not exactly just reading my mind.” She teased softly.

Wanda shook her head as she chuckled. Her heart feeling full again as she was finally reunited with the love of her life. “I love you.” She kissed her lips again.

“I love you more, Maximoff.” She smiled.

[cowboyjen68]

hey jen! content warning- this is gonna be long and ranty and about a pretty nasty (verbal) fight i got into with my mom

i'm a 17 year old lesbian living with my 50 year old conservative mom. she knows i'm queer but she doesn't know i don't like men at all- i'm pretty sure she thinks im bisexual. anyways, we've managed to kind of avoid the topic of my sexuality so we can avoid arguments. ground rules at home are no girlfriends (i can have a boyfriend though), no pride flags/pride ANYTHING, no watching lgbt movies or reading lgbt books, you get the idea. it's annoying but i'm moving out in a year so i'm just swallowing my pride (no pun intended) until then.

well last night we got into an argument. we were in the car trying to talk about our schedules so i could figure things out for my new job and she kept interrupting me and i got really annoyed so i said in a raised voice "can you please just listen to me?" and she BLEW up. now before you read this next part you have to understand a few things. 1- me and my mom are very close. i don't talk to her about my personal life but we share music and movie taste and we spend a lot of time together cooking, doing our nails, and watching movies. 2-my mom is very very mentally ill. she's been diagnosed with bipolar disorder, anxiety, and ocd and she refuses to get treated for any of it. i know this isn't an excuse for her actions, but it's an explanation. basically, she started screaming at me (in front of my 5 y old sister) that i'm a disrespectful brat and a bad daughter. she said everything wrong with my sister (she has some yelling problems) is my fault and all i do is make life difficult and she wishes i would just move out. she's done this stuff before but she said a few things different that hit deep and really really hurt me. when we got home i ran upstairs to my room and just stayed in there crying for two hours. a bit later, she comes into my room and tells me i need to learn how to admit when i'm wrong and i need to apologize to her. for the rest of the night i just didn't talk to her and stayed in my room. this morning i woke up to her playing salsa like normal and pretending nothing happened. she always does this after arguments, but it feels so wrong because of the severity of her words yesterday. she came into my room to hand me a gift with a note on top saying

"no argument, disagreement, misunderstanding, "yell-fest" or anything at all could ever change or stop the fact that i love you so much! you deserve everything good and more. i will always be on your side ♥️"

yeah. i don't really know what to do or how to feel and i don't know if you can help me but i really need some advice on how to handle this. stuff like this keeps happening more and more and i don't want our relationship to fall apart because i get offended over something she says in a fit of rage. sorry if this was too long or it bothered you in any way, and thank you for reading

It is super hard when someone you love is mentally ill. In theory mental illness is a reason and not an excuse. In theory we can love someone and not have to lower our boundaries to be mentally or (physically) abused by people.

That is all true when we can walk away, but the reality is we are not always given that option. Since she is your parent and you need at least a year to finish school, get a savings, paperwork in order, planning etc, you do not have the luxury of setting down boundaries and sticking to them.

Even relatively mentally healthy adults can and do say things that are hurtful and many of them deal with their regret but sort of bushing it off, giving a peace offering and hoping it does not come up. Admitting wrong and apologizing is super hard for lots of grown ups. It means admitting fault and because she knows she hurt you it is virtually impossible for her to say she is sorry without having to process that fact.

As a parent I know when I hurt my kids with words said in mistake or anger it is super hard to admit that. To allow that feeling to sit in my brain and to verbalize my regret. I do and can but it took time and practice.

By the sounds of it, she will likely not be open to therapy with you to learn some communication tools. If you have a school counselor or the ability to get therapy please do so, even if just for yourself. Lots of therapist are working on line now so it is easier to access. Some schools will facilitate therapy.

You need to keep in mind that you are leaving within a year. A doable goal. Use your energy to plan. Make sure you have access to your birth certificate, social security card, insurance, taxes, etc. If you have a car get it in your name. If you have a cell phone make sure you have access to switch the account. 

Work on your independence so when you are able to you can break loose. The less you rely on your mom the more you can work on a healthy relationship with her because you can set boundaries, speak your mind and garner respect without fear of loosing your housing or safety. 

Lastly I am sorry you are going through this. Know it is no fault of your own and you don’t deserve such harsh treatment. Her words come from mental illness and inability to communicate her emotions in an appropriate manner, but knowing the cause does not make it any easier.  I am glad you reached out, even if just for the chance to vent and to hear that you are worth more than the treatment you are receiving. 

[youamongthemelissas]

hi mwah <3

may i have a scenario with zoro being a brat who doesn't want to go down on his girl, but she just puts in his place by sitting on his face? 👀

ara ara, it seems that the fifteen hours I've been sleeping have made me reap the rewards uwu

well, I really hope you like the result and that those 3,3k words make up for the delay in my writer's block. i've only reviewed it a few times because i'm really really sleepy right now, so I apologize in advance for any mistakes! :(

warning: oral sex (giving and receiving), fingering, face sitting, etc. only for +18. smut everywhere

Zoro and I had known each other for almost two years, but he changed his position from hookup to boyfriend two months ago. Our chaotic relationship started at a horrible party. Everything that night was horrible, except when the handsome guy approached me offering his help when some ramshackle human being spilled water on my shirt. To complete my disaster, the outfit I wore was white and cotton, so it marked the contours of my breasts just right. Damn day I decided to leave my house without wearing a bra. Too embarrassed, I just crawled into the bathroom – which didn't even have a lock – and waited for the crowd to dwindle or for my shirt to dry so I could get out of that unhealthy place. But fate didn't have the best plans for me, as I saw the bathroom door open and a man enter that cubicle.

"This is the ladies' wc, you know?" I informed the guy angrily.

“I know,” he replied simply. "I saw the whole scene, so I decided to come make sure you're okay."

I arched my brow and stared at him with half-closed eyes. Was he feeling okay? I looked for signs of drunkenness in him, but his voice was steady and he looked too sober.

“Very nice of you, but you can't just lock yourself together with a strange woman in a cubicle. You know, I can interpret this as sexual harassment!” I snapped.

“Oh, fine. I was going to lend you my shirt so you could wear it and wouldn’t have to wait for yours to dry, but I see you don't need my help. Bye and sorry for the inconvenience,” and so he left, not giving me a chance to respond.

I cursed the Universe, but then I stopped myself because a tarot reader had informed me that a situation like this could happen throughout the week and I didn't listen. In the end, it was my fault for being a stubborn and skeptical one.

I really couldn't tell how long I was locked in that fetid cubicle, but when my t-shirt dried enough not to leave me practically naked from the waist up, I walked out and saw the same guy as before, he was talking to a red haired girl, actually it looked more like an argument was going on between them by his annoyed expression and her restless gestures. Would she be his girlfriend? Was the discussion focused on me and the bathroom incident? Well, I wouldn't stay there to find out and risk getting hit by the girl for something that wasn't my fault. He was the one who entered the ladies' room with an unknown woman!

And my disastrous night ended when I lay in my bed and turned off the light to finally sleep and erase all memories of the party from my head. But that boy's face has not left my mind.

The days followed normally, and when I was already forgetting the cool guy, I saw him for the second time in a bakery. He wore the same shirt that day of the party and sweatpants. His sleepy face gave away that he had just woken up and had just left the house to go buy bread for breakfast. He saw me but pretended not to. I got the feeling I should have apologized for the misunderstanding, but he was already making the request. Luckily, we were assisted together as soon a second attendant appeared who assisted me as well.

As soon as we paid the bill, we silently left the place and I got a chance to talk to him as we were heading in the same direction.

“Hey,” I called him, being ignored. "Boy, wait a minute"

“What is it, girl?”, he snapped at me sharply.

“I wanted to apologize for the misunderstanding… Seriously, I was just freaked out by a guy walking me into the bathroom…”, I was sincere.

"It's all right. Go on with your life in peace.”

“And you had a girlfriend, right? Like, you were still wrong in the end…” I couldn't hold my mouth before needling him.

This time he stopped abruptly and turned to me, making me smack my face into his chest.

"Girlfriend? First you accuse me of sexual harassment and now besides being a harasser you think I'm a traitor?”

“I didn't accuse you of anything! Except the girlfriend part. You and that red haired girl seemed to be fighting really bad, like boyfriends do,” I clarified.

“Redhead girl?” he seemed to search his memory for what I was referring to. “Nami? God forbid me dating that devil woman! She's not my girlfriend, and we were fighting because…”, he stopped mid-explanation. “This is none of your business, girl. But she's not my girlfriend,” he ended the pseudo-argument.

I nodded and went on my way.

“How long will you follow me? Now I can interpret that you're a deranged stalker”, he told me right after we turned down the same street, after walking close for a few meters.

“I'm not following you, my house is on this way”, I replied.

And that's how I found out that we lived in the same condominium.

Although I clearly remember the first two times we met, I can't say when exactly we started to change our cat-and-mouse relationship and elevate it to a more intimate one. Maybe it was when he fucked me for the first time in the laundry room in the building. I was taking my clothes out of the machine while he put his clothes in another one, and then we looked at each other and as if we had the same idea, he grabbed me around the waist and lifted me up to put me sitting on top of the machine he had just finished stuffing with his own clothes, putting it to work and taking me in a kiss while taking off my panties. When he entered me, I moaned loudly, but the sound was drowned out by the shrill noise of that old machine. Zoro confessed to me later that he chose precisely that one so my moans could not be heard. I think it was the most insane thing I did, because at any moment someone could come and catch us, but luckily for us that only happened after Zoro had cum on my thighs and taken me off that old thing. It was weird walking with my legs sticking together because of his cum, but I didn't have time to clean up, just lift my panties and straighten my skirt before passing the newcomer, who didn't seem to have noticed our presence.

After our first sex, we didn't get apart anymore. We couldn't be alone as we caught fire and had sex wherever we were.

As time went by, we calmed down and our meetings became more spaced, but our chemistry didn't extinguish even a little bit during these almost two years, on the contrary, it only earned us the beginning of dating. And we became more than just hookups, we became friends too, those who know about each other's lives and I got to know Nami, the red-haired friend he was fighting that night at the party. I came to discover that they could never be boyfriends, because she loved money and women.

Everything with Zoro was almost perfect. He was a good boyfriend, and even though we're two hotheads, we never fought. There are always dialogues in our relationship and this helps a lot to avoid unnecessary fights. Besides, sex is wonderful, everything just right, except for one small thing that bothers me. We combine a lot in bed, I always try to please him and give him pleasure at all times. I've lost count of how many blowjobs I gave him and how many times I let him cum in my mouth, but the problem is that he never even gave me oral sex. And that makes me a little frustrated and scared. Was the problem with me? I took good care of myself, but he always shifted position when I tried to get him down on me.

One day, while I watched him playing his favorite game, I stroked his hair.

“Babe?”, I called him.

“Hm?” he mutters, not moving an inch.

“Do I disgust you?” I asked bluntly.

"What? Where did you get this ideia?”, he turns abruptly to face me, doing something wrong in the game because soon there are some curses directed at him in the chat.

“It's just a question.” I shrugged.

“It can't be just a question. For you to ask me that, there's definitely a reason behind it,” he replied, no longer looking at the TV screen, and not realizing that he was being offended by the other players. Damn virgins.

“Nevermind…”, I hesitated, unable to let myself be affected by the comments, which weren't even for me. "Your game friends are very angry with you."

"Fuck them, the issue here is you.", he held my face with both hands, making me look at him. “Tell me what made you think about it,” he looks deep into my eyes, almost reading my soul and I immediately regret opening my mouth. But it was too late, lying was out of the question, because he knows very well when I lie, so I had no choice but to tell the truth.

“You never gave me an oral. So I deduced that the problem is with me”, I said at last and he let me go.

It was his turn to shift the focus to another corner.

“It's nothing to you, it's me who is the problem. I've never done that to any women, and in the movies I see them “squirt”, what if that happens?” He looked a little frustrated and embarrassed.

I got up from my seat and stopped standing in front of him, making him glare at me.

“You have to stop thinking real life is a big porn movie, Roronoa,” I said, putting my index finger on his forehead. “I really admire you knowing how to fuck without looking like a caveman”, I said that last sentence more to myself.

“Hey!” he heard and seemed offended. "It hurts, okay?"

“Sorry, but that is nothing but the truth”, I rolled my eyes.

Even though he didn't suck me when we had sex later, the seed of doubt was already planted in his head.

I know this, because days later he was more committed to making me cum. Before he seemed to care only about his pleasure, but after our conversation, he even put his fingers to work on my clit – which were presented by me –, as he moved in and out of me, until I came on his fingers. It felt good, but I wanted to feel his tongue down there, and wanted to see his head between my legs. I wanted so badly to squirm in pleasure beneath him as he sucked everything I had to offer him.

When the dream day finally arrived, all my thoughts turned opaque as I felt him hug me from behind and lean his body against mine as his lips found the skin of my neck.

“Do you know how hot you look wearing my shirt?” he asked huskily, pressing me closer to his body, making my ass fit into his crotch. And I already felt it was hard. "Even more so I know you're not wearing anything under it."

I couldn't hold back the moan as I felt his fingers travel up my waist until they reached my breasts under the fabric. He squeezed it first and then circled the nipple with his finger, making it hard. He knew how sensitive I was in that area. And to my delight, he lowered his other hand to between my legs, and slid it to find my sex, which was already starting to get wet.

When I was in his apartment, I liked to have just one piece of clothing. Walking around his house half-naked was one of the most satisfying things for me, because I knew that anytime we were going to get laid and being too undressed would get in the way of the process. So I opted to wear just a pair of panties or a T-shirt with nothing underneath, as was the case now.

He removed his hand from my body and pulled me away, but only to pick me up and take me to his bed, where he laid me down and leaned over me and started kissing me.

His kiss tasted like the whiskey he drank a few minutes ago. I ran my hands over his body and scratched him lightly on his back, inside his shirt. He ended the kiss and rolled off of me, but only to undress. I watched the scene intently, looking at each piece of skin that was revealed to me little by little. When he took off his underwear and his cock popped out, I felt my mouth water. He was there in front of me, completely naked.

I got rid of his t-shirt I was wearing and crawled until I was close to his body, took his hard member in my hands and started masturbating before putting it in my mouth. Unconsciously, I reared my hips up, and ran my tongue over the glans, tasting the pre-cum. Without waiting, I felt him lean over to smack my ass, and it made his cock almost hit my throat, making me gasp. I pulled it out of my mouth, gasping for air, but went back to sucking on it. When I relaxed, I put him in one piece and this time I got used to that intruder so deep, and I heard him grunt. He loved when I swallowed him like that, but before I could make him cum, he gently withdrew from my mouth and lay down on the bed, turning me to stand beside him.

He kissed me again and wrapped his hands around my waist and slid them to my ass, where he slapped my ass, making me moan into his mouth.

We made out until he was on top of me, making me feel his hard cock on my thigh as he kissed my neck and played with my nipples.

I was already throbbing with lust, and it got worse when he slid his fingers to my clit and touched his fingertip to that sensitive spot, making me arch into him. But he did nothing but tease me, and I wanted him to use his tongue this time to bring me to orgasm. For that reason, I forced his head down and he got the message, surprisingly trailing kisses down my body, but before he got there he stopped and returned the kisses to where they were before, leaving me frustrated.

I sighed in annoyance, and shifted our positions, getting on top of him. I positioned myself right on top of his cock, and I fit my pussy there, not to slide him inside, but to rub myself there. He liked my boldness a lot, but I abruptly left the place until I was positioned right in his mouth. I felt him startle under me, but it was too late because I was already sitting pretty well in his face, with my cunt snug in the place where I always wished it was. He showed no resistance, just ran the tip of his tongue over my clit and I closed my eyes, sighing.

At first, he was stuck and a little lost, but little by little he got used to it and now his whole tongue passed through my intimacy, sometimes sucking painfully. It was good for me and it was good for him too, because I felt him grip my thighs tightly, holding me in place as he penetrated me with his tongue. I saw stars. When he smeared the entire place and when my body showed signs of the first orgasm, nimbly and using a little force he took me off him and put me back on the bed, with my back to the mattress. I thought he had given up, but he again slid down my body and positioned himself between my legs, giving me that wonderful sight. Again he pressed his tongue against my clit.

Seeing him there, with his head buried in the place I'd always dreamed of, made a fire burn in my stomach, and my brain worked tirelessly on the new sensations his mouth was gaving me me.

And he looked very committed and thirsty. He was like someone who had gone days without even a drop of liquid and who had just found an inexhaustible source of pure water. And I was that source. And just the thought of having him thirsty for me was enough to give my boner more ammo and make my hips start working nimbly, looking for more contact. Zoro shaved every day, but there were already two that he didn't shave, so the growing hairs scraped the inside of my thighs when I moved my hips, leaving goose bumps.

His tongue explored every corner of my intimacy and his arms closed tightly around my legs as he brought one hand to one of my breasts and rested it there, squeezing every now and then as my body showed signs of orgasm.

He didn't let go of me when I came for the first time or when I screamed for the second. Instead, he circled my waist with his arms and held me immobile in place as he sipped every drop that dared escape from me. He showed no signs of satiating even when I scratched his shoulders or slapped him in the arms to get him to let go. In fact, it felt like it was just an extra boost for him when I was on the verge of madness, writhing in his mouth and thrashing around aimlessly for support and control of the spasms in my body.

He was both a sadist and a masochist at the same time, which is why I was so attracted to him.

When he released me, I was almost voiceless and completely shaky. I wouldn't be able to form an intelligible word, and his playful smile, which I saw blurred due to the tears pooling in the corners of my eyes, gave away his satisfaction at seeing me in that state.

When I finally composed myself and my heart stopped beating in my chest, pulse, and throat, I took a deep breath and stared at him. He was lying beside me, looking at me and running his hand down my face, lovingly.

“You look beautiful when you're coming”, was the first thing he said.

“You look handsome between my legs”, I returned the answer in the same tone.

He smiled and massaged his jaw, as if in pain.

“Too bad it takes so long to cum, my chin hurts”, he complained and I rolled my eyes.

“You didn't leave me after my first orgasm,” I accused. “For those who were afraid of giving me oral sex, you seemed to enjoy it a lot”, I continued, with a pout.

“I had no idea you were that tasty,” he said, smiling slightly. “Now you better get ready, because your taste has gone straight to the top of my favorite flavors”, he assured me, as he pulled me by the waist to glue my body to his.

I kissed his lips softly, and touched our foreheads, and he kissed me again, obscenely. It didn't take me long to be on my knees for him, determined to reward him for the multiple organs he gave me.

Seeing him from above, with his eyes closed and his expression filled with pure delight, made me want to feel his cock in the back of my throat to the point of gasping for air. But he refused to cum inside my mouth. He lifted me up and positioned me on all fours on the bed and placed the condom on his cock.

When he sank into me, I moaned loudly, too happy that my sex life with my boyfriend was perfect.

[shirophic]

relationship alphabet with fuyuhiko kuzuryu

here are some relationship headcanons with fuyuhiko kuzuryu for @iateyourdoggo-part2​ ! enjoy! (2/3)

tw: gn reader, 

A nnual - what’s something they and their s/o do together every year?

You two have a day where you both buy each other 5 to 10 things you think the other will like, and then after that whatever you guys want to! But you both have to be free on this day!

-

B ashful - are they shy in the relationship?

Most people would expect the bold and young yakuza to be the fierce one, but in reality he’s just a little softie. In public he doesn’t talk much - keeping a stern face and standing by your side. But in private he’s much more different. If he’s not busy he’ll slightly demand ask for cuddles. And once you get started theres no end to it! He’s shy in private but tries to keep a bold stance in public - proud yakuza things

-

C aptivating - what catches their interest in their s/o?

His interest started when you kept trying to speak and communicate with him. He’s only ever had peko, so he doesn’t expect anyone to try and be his friend. He’ll constantly deny hanging out with you until it’s been a while and he gives in. Reluctantly, he began to enjoy your presence and sometimes even asked to spend time with you! 

-

D omestic - do they plan to settle down/start a family?

He never really gave any thoughts to it, but I think he would. Maybe a kid or two, after he’s retired from his yakuza state. Most people, again, thinks he’s some apathetic guy - and again, that's not true. So yea, maybe he would but he never really gave any thoughts to it.

-

E mpathetic - do they understand their s/o well? are they good with emotions?

He would have a rough time understanding unless you tell him your feelings directly. Some obvious movements he can tell what’s up - some others he cant. He also has a hard time saying his own feelings, he definitely tries to practice communicating with peko

-

F ight - are they willing to forgive their s/o after a fight? if so, how? (slowly, quickly, etc.)

Well if you two ever fight, he’ll always be the first to apologize. It’ll take some time,  so he’ll apologize but slowly. He’s very stubborn, it’s basically canon ASJFJDF. But he’ll probably go up to you and apologize, he’ll probably blush though. Very very tsundere like.

-

G ift - do they spoil their s/o? if so, what kind of gifts do they give?

He definitely does! His wealth is very high, so if you ever want something, it’s at your door! Like that new merch that just dropped? At your door. You mentioned how you’re too broke to get any manga/books/movies? He bought all the editions. Etc. etc. 

-

H onesty - are they honest in the relationship? do they keep secrets? if they do, do they plan telling their s/o at a point?

He is honest, but he keeps some secrets to himself. He does plan to tell you, don’t worry, it's just that it's hard for him to communicate like I said before. Definitely more far into your relationship, even though its risky.

-

I nspiration - does their s/o inspire them? did their s/o help them over some obstacles?

Yes! You definitely did. You probably helped him soften up more and let his emotions flow. Thanks to you, he’s definitely relieved of some of his problems. As for obstacles, you helped him with anything he needed help with along with peko. You and peko are like his cheerleaders!

-

J ealous - do they get jealous? if so, how easily? what are their actions when jealous?

Yep, he does. Pretty easily, but he has his trust put into you as you two grow your relationship. He’ll make up some excuse and then as you two turn around he’ll glare at the person. Of course, you’ll have to communicate with him and explain yourself.

-

K iss - who initiates the first kiss?

You, definitely you. He’d be way to shy to do it, maybe he’ll ponder on it but he’s to shy to make a move. After the kiss he’ll blush and stutter a bit, but after it becomes a regular thing for you two, he’ll initiate the kisses.

-

L ove - who tells the other “I love you” first?

Again, you. It’s also likely he’ll blurt it out accidentally. Whichever you prefer ig. He’ll be in shock no matter which scenario, and probably will try and deny it a bit.

-

M arriage - do they plan to propose? if so, how and when?

Maybe, making your relationship official wasn’t a thought on his head. You were his boyfriend/girlfriend/significant other, he thought they’d already made it clear? But marriage would be nice, going along with settling down with a family.

-

N icknames - do they have pet names for their s/o?

when he’s comfortable, he’ll call you stuff like “dear” and “love”. But he’ll be a bit hesitant and will ask you weather you’re okay with it or not.

-

O bservant - do they observe their s/o often? what do they do if their s/o is happy/sad/angry/scared/etc.?

He does observe you often. He’ll notice some things like little changes in your attitude and actions. When he sees you happy he’ll slightly smile (if you two aren’t in public, and or if no one was watching)

when you’re sad, he’ll quietly come up to you with whats going on. If it was something/someone he’ll send his gang to them. If it was something like work/social media/etc. He’ll give you some cuddles and reassurance (if you’re comfortable with it), and if you’re not he’ll give you your space.

when you’re mad, he wont interfere, since he can get mad easily as well. After you’re calm again, everything would go back to normal as if nothing happened.

when you’re scared he’ll reassure you nothing bad was gonna happen and that he’d always be at your side. He’ll try and cheer you up with things you like/things that can make you happy.

-

P layful - are they playful? if so, do they pull pranks?

He’s not that playful, but he’ll tease you a bit. For example: if you fall he’ll snicker slightly before helping you up, and reminding you to be careful.

-

Q uaint - what’s something their s/o got them that makes them feel happy?

Well, for one, he’ll be happy with anything you get him, especially if it's something he’s wanted for a while. Due to him being rich, he could buy anything he wanted. But it’ll mean a lot more when from you, even if it was a little lopsided. 

-

R emembrance - what was their favorite memory with their s/o?

It would probably when you two had your first kiss. The kiss was a bit awkward but it was both of yours’ first kisses. After the kiss you two had cuddled and made your relationship official with each other. 

-

S ober - what would they say when drunk but not sober?

“Hey s/o, you dooo know that you mean the world to me riight? Like i cant even explaain how much you do. Your face is really pretty and you’re really kind! You’re amaazing!”

-

T idy - are they the messy one or the clean one in the relationship?

He is the clean one! Unless you’re also clean, he is definitely the clean one. Messy work spaces distract him and bother him. 

-

U pset - do they get upset easily?

He does, but not with you unless its something major. Like if his coffee machine wasn’t working, he’ll probably try numerous ways to get his coffee but none of them seem to be working - so he took the easy way out and shaked it vigorously. Yep 

-

V aluable - how valuable is their s/o and relationship to them?

Precious. Very very precious. Ever since you stepped into his life he sworn to not let anything bad happen to you. And if anything did, he’d think he’d be the one at fault for not protecting you and his and yours relationship. 

-

W ild card - any hc or scenerio! (up to the author)

Whenever you two cuddle, he’s always the little spoon! Unless you’d prefer being the little spoon, he is! He likes it because it makes him feel safe and protected that way, instead of the other way around.

-

X enolaila - do they have a special way of communicating with their s/o? language, gestures, etc?

You guys have a special way of communicating with your eyes! Whenever you/fuyuhiko needs help or is uncomfortable or just any feeling, theres always a special look in both of yours’ eyes.

-

Y earn - how far are they willing to go for their s/o and their relationship?

Very far, he’ll go to far, far (but reasonable) lengths for it. But unless you want to quit this relationship, he will very much die for you to keep you safe.

-

Z en - what is their s/o and their favorite place/time to relax together?

Whenever he’s done with work he loves to either cuddle/do something fun with you! He can’t catch a break with his duties, but for you he’ll try to make time for! His favorite is when trying to bake with you, that either causes the house burning down or you two actually getting the hang of it

[wizkiddx]

i saw that you at least used to write for harry could u do another? like maybe im just a basic bitch but 'only one bed' trope or sm

Summary: honestly just me shitty attempt at the only one bed thing ahah with Harry Holland x reader

no warnings I don’t think apart from my ramabling :)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

God you were groggy. It had been a long 16 hour flight and you were well and truly completely over this day. Once you’d had some proper sleep, no doubt you will be beyond excited to explore the forest and beaches of this remote island in Indonesia. You were certain it was beautiful, even if you’d arrived in the dead of night so you couldn’t see any of the majesty yet. It was one of the joys of being Tom’s makeup artist - travelling the world and being paid for it? A literal dream. 

Except maybe the previous 24 hours. The Holland name carried a lot of weight in the world, but not enough to control typhoons across the tropics - there were some limitations to his power. And yes first class lounges were nice but none had beds to crash on during the 6 hour weather delay. The four of you (Tom, Harry, Andrew and yourself)  ended up camping out in a out-the-way corner. Tom got the long sofa; Andrew in one of those weird egg line chairs; you and Harry splayed on the floor. Why you’d had to get up at 4 am to catch a flight that was now not departing till 12 hours later actually hurt to think about - especially because you’d all gone out for a meal the night before that had inevitable went a lot later than planned. 

Two connecting flights with a very angry baby later, the four of you were checking in to the only hotel on the island - which was now almost exclusively filled with the production team for Tom’s newest movie. It wasn’t especially big-budget with massive million pound overheads, instead a smaller scale indie film (that you privately thought might earn Tom a number of accolades). But yeh, shooting on an island that received almost no tourism meant everything was different to the usual. None more so than for Tom and his team (including you) who he normally would look after very well, with the nicest hotel rooms or rental homes. 

The hotel was basic, you’d known that before you arrived but seeing is believing is it not? Most entertaining though, was seeing Tom’s face. Andrew was a well travelled older guy, he had stayed in some shitholes in his life. Equally you and Harry had both travelled when you were younger (you through inter railing and him in australia), so had stayed in hostels before. But for Hollywood star Tom Holland? The way he tilted his head to the side as if to say ‘really this place?’ did lift your spirits momentarily. 

Andrew had got his key first, bidding you all good night with a grunt, then Tom - who still seemed confused as to the whole arrangements. It left you and Harry at the small dingy reception, the warm glow of an old lantern-esque light fixing illuminating the place. The guy behind the desk was a smiley local and greeted you warmly, if incorrectly.

“Ah and finally the couple I see!” He spoke with a thick accent but still very clear English which had you questioning if this was just a translational error. Harry looked at you instantly, his eyes wide which made you scoff - him joining in, shaking his unruly curly mop emphatically.

“No no we um… we aren’t together.” All the while Harry pointed between the two of you, communicating through actions rather than just the language, given that you were both the very typical Brits abroad who hadn’t learnt the language of the place they were visiting. 

“Still under Holland name?” The guy asked in a perplexed manner, flicking through a book filled with cursive scribbles and scanning to see if he’d made a mistake. He checked one, then looked up nervously before checking the same page once again- you saw where this was going. ”We, we only have couples room down for you though? 3 double rooms is the booking for Holland.” 

It was late, you both stunk of a combination of plane and BO, you both just wanted your individual and respective beds. 

“Well can we get another room then?” Harry didn’t quite snap but there was still an impatientcy to his voice, which came out whenever he was a little agitated. Seeing the slightly worried look the mans eyes, you leaned onto the desk with a genuine smile. 

“Sorry we know its last minute and its not your fault, we’ve just had a really long flight.”

“I am terribly sorry miss but we are only small hotel and Hollywood has filled us up. I have no other rooms. I am truly sorry sir, ma’am.” The guy went from looking worried to terrified as Harrys jaw tensed up, you naturally squeezed his arm to try and ground him, instantly deciding that you’d just work it out. 

“No no it’s not your fault, don’t worry we’ll figure it out. Can I just get the key?”

Harry stepped back and let youtakeover proceedings, signing all the insurance documents etc and asking the man about the breakfast arrangements and such, though you saw him furiously typing on his phone and by the buzzing in your pocket- presumed he was messaging the group of you Tom, Andrew and himself. 

Once finished the guy pointed you on your way, up two flights of stairs and down a hall. The whole time Harry was muttering about how useless the other two were for not replying and also for making the wrong booking in the first place. If only you hadn’t been the last two to checkin, then it would’ve been someone else’s problem.

He felt especially guilty just because you were the only girl-  he didn’t want you to feel uncomfortable, hence why he was trying to locate his brother so they could share tonight till they got it figured out. The tension, combined with sleep deprivation, was palpable as you both walked in silence toward the room - Harry was trying to formulate a plan in his head as they did so. And honestly? You just couldn’t be bothered to deal with it. So, once you reached the door 57 holding the physical key (old school, rather than a key card) you just decided to address it. 

“Will you chill please?” 

“Well if my idiot broth-“

“Oh leave him be for god sake. If you’re okay with it I really don’t mind sharing with you tonight?” Not bothering to laugh at his slightly shocked expression with mouth hanging a little open, you fiddled with the key until the lock clicked open. From the entrance you had a pretty clear view of the whole room and… well, lets just say dated would be a fair expression - when compared to what you were used to? The floor was tiled and the bed was a small double, with some funky and slightly washed out prints of blue and red on the cover. The pillows looked a little limp, more like glorified pieces of cardboard than anything fluffy and comfortable. The walls were that yellowy magnolia shade that everyone in the UK had gone insane for in the 80s and there was an old school wooden wardrobe in the corner. 

Home for 5 weeks. 

With a shrug of your shoulders you entered, dumping your personal and work suitcases by the far wall carelessly - the higher priority action being to collapse on the bed. Doing so with an overdramatic huff, you let your eyes close but payed special attention to the delayed footsteps of Harry as he entered, then the slight creaking noise as he perched on the other side of the bed - no doubt looking at you, at least slightly fearfully. 

The relationship between you and Harry was complex to say the least. Well no… it should be, not on the face of it. You had met through work and made friends. And you wished it was that simple but alas, nothing ever really is. When you’d first worked with Tom you were in the tail end of a relationship you had long since forgotten about - literally meaningless, not worth the time and effort you’d put into it. From the start you’d had a feeling Harry was more interested in you than the average co-worker (even if your job and therefore co-workers were anything but normal and average) but you were in a relationship so nothing ever came. 

Then almost as if synchronised, just as you got out your relationship, Harry threw himself in the deep end with a girl he’d met through his family friends. Then the roles were somewhat reversed, you now spent a good chunk of your day just entertaining yourself with thoughts of the curly headed, slightly awkward, very-passionate-about-tea-making Holland. The cliche is so real - your always want what you cannot have. 

However, a couple months ago his relationship had fizzled and faded away leaving both of you in a sort of no mans land. The sort of not wanting to ruin the friendship situation. The subject was never broached by either you - except you assumed he was being tormented in a similar way to how you were by his big brother and Andrew. Never publicly, yet whenever you found yourself alone in a room with one of them (being Tom’s makeup artist that happened often enough) there would always be a sly dig. The chemistry was  so ‘obvious even a blind man could see it’. Somehow though, weeks of this and your were still stuck. Stuck in the middle. 

“You sure you’re alright with this?” His voice was gruffer and hoarser from the long journey but you could hear the self-consciousness and naivety in his tone, without having to peel your eyes open and look at his face. 

“I know your not a murder and plus, we shared the airport floor this morning… this is pretty much the same.” He hummed in acknowledgement so you carried on “and plus your pint sized.” That earned you a playful shove in the side as you sniggered, before pulling yourself up so you we now sitting next to him, legs hanging off the edge of the bed. His brown eyes searched deeply into yours, as if physically checking for any hint of regret or hesitation. “Don’t even dare offering to go on the floor.” 

“Okay okay okay!” Holding his hands up in surrender, you both laughed, breaking the peace of the late night of the remote Indonesian island. Once an impressive yawn interrupted you though, Harry proclaimed it was time for bed and shooed you into the bathroom to get changed and sorted. 

Honestly you were too tired and lazy to dig out your cleanser and skin stuff, instead opting to just splash a bit of water on your face before swapping into your pj shorts and an old tattered oversized tee. Once done you and Harry swapped, him coming out a couple minutes later in basketball shorts and a black loose fitting tee. 

It wasn’t awkward so to speak, more a sort of excited-tense atmosphere, which there was no doubt Harry was mainly responsible. The boy was jittery and on edge, which to put simply, you didn’t have the energy to reciprocate. 

With a quiet wish of goodnight to each other, Harry flicked off the bedside lamp and you both rolled to your respective edges of the bed, a large space of no mans land between you. In the middle. You know the first time you share a room with someone and you overthink everything? When you don’t want to move about or fidget too much in case it disturbs the other? When your listening intently to their breathing, in the hope it’ll even out and only then will you feel able to fall asleep yourself? 

Well it doesn’t work when both of you are doing it. When both of you are professional over thinkers. 

God knows how long it took till you gave up, favouring sleep over your worries and concerns. So you flipped over, no doubt rocking the whole bed, turning to face his back that was still huddled almost teetering off the edge of the bed. The only light within the whole room was that coming under the actually scarily large gap between the floor and the door to the hallway. It was just enough to see the back of Harry’s curls and you must’ve fallen asleep trying to trace all the torturous and windy routes of the strands.

///////////

In the morning the process of waking up didn’t come easy to you as normal for many reasons; the long day prior; the jet lag; the weird surroundings. So you stayed in this sort of blissful haze for probably longer than you should. Half aware but not really; half asleep but not quite. In the middle  of sleep and alertness. Therefore it took you longer than it should have to notice the extra weight on the dip of your waist. Not anything alarming, just a presence you were absolutely not used to. It was only when you shifted a bit to lie further on your back, that enough of a stimulus from the added pressure made you actually open your eyes blearily. And sure enough, a limp hand looked to have casually and unconsciously been thrown over your side. 

As if in slow motion, you traced the arm backwards - first with your eyes, but then having to twist your neck too. Only then could you fully see the browny ginger haired boy who was lowkey spooning you? It was certainly a way to fully wake you up, breath halted to a stand still in your lungs, in fear of disturbing him and having to confront what would almost certainly be an awkward situation. 

There was still a safe hands width distance between the two of you except for the rogue arm. Harry’s head was placed to the edge of his pillow, mouth slightly parted as his breathing slightly tickled the wispy hairs on the back of your neck. He looked so peaceful and calm - a difference to the normal Harry who, even on a good day, took great pleasure in meticulously picking things apart and being a bit cynical. It was part of his ‘charm’; but seeing him like this was a type of vulnerability he rarely chose to show. 

To be fair he was asleep, he dint realise he was exposing himself in this way.

Finding yourself a little transfixed (a bit creepy but hey) on the natural curves and definition of his face, you ever so carefully rolled over in the bed to face him. It stopped you from craning your neck and gave the sleepy boy a slight nudge, making him tense his arm a little more tightly round you. 

He settled quickly though, giving you ample opportunity to just observe what was going on . Both right in front of you… and what the hell was going on in your head. Because to be honest it was an overwhelming amount of emotion thoughts for the early morning. 

Somehow you must’ve eventually drifted off once again because the next thing you were aware of was a shuffling from immediately next to you. This time though, you were instantly aware of exactly the situation you found yourself in and chose to keep up the pretence of sleep - a little interested in how Harry would play it. 

You heard a small gasp, having to suppress a chuckle at what you imagined Harry’s sleepy and panicked face looked like. That lasted a couple of moments, before you felt him painstakingly slowly peel his hand from your waist and if you were being 100% honest… you heart sort of sank. 

What you had been expecting?- you don’t know and really there was really no reason to be disappointed. Yet, you still felt this deflated and disappointed feeling, hit your chest especially hard. Perhaps it was because of your focus on that emptyness that you forgot you were supposed to be pretending to be asleep./.

Because when he had delicately brushed the side of your face to tuck a rogue bit of hair behind your ear - your eyes flickered open.  Like a rabbit caught in headlights, Harry froze, his hand still hovering over your jaw. Equally, you didn’t know what to do. Because really… do friends tuck hair behind the others ears? And do friends look at each other with this matched expression of confusion and fear? 

It took a painfully long time (though in reality was probably only a matter of seconds) before the boy retracted his hand, suddenly sitting up from his reclined position down at you. Mirroring his actions, you both ended up sitting, facing the opposite wall, bodies closer than they needed to be in the double bed. Both still very much in the middle. 

“I er-“

“-No no don’t… was nice of you” He had been about to apologise which you didn’t want to hear. You didn’t want to hear ‘ I didn’t mean it’ - you wanted him to mean it. In response Harry nodded jerkily, and from your peripheries, noticed he was searching your face for any sign of emotion.

“Still can’t believe this all happened… I-I didn’t disturb you too much did I?” He sounded really nervous. You were never like this with each other. So static and forced. 

“No no… I slept really good actually.” Your register was quieter, waiting till you’d finished speaking before looking over at him with a self conscious smile. 

“Ah I’m glad… I um-I did too.” The silence returned and the atmosphere just felt sharp. It felt like you were quite literally walking either side of a knife edge. It made you chew on your bottom lip, playing with the slightly frayed edges of the vintage quilt. 

“Y/n- I look…” He’d bolted upright and voice was more raised than normal for the morning. “This is gonna sound so fucking weird, especially cos we’re literally in the same bed but... but I was thinking we could maybe go on a hike or something together?” What he seemed to be suggesting didn’t match the level of panic that was conveyed in his body language which confused you. And what the bed had to do with it… was yet to make sense in your head. 

“I think Andrew said we’re getting some tour of island this afternoon so-“

“ I kinda meant just you and me.” 

The penny dropped and it had you focusing all energy on processing what was happening - understandably causing Harry to only worry more with the lack of response. “I’m sorry if I’ve ruined ever-“

“No I-I….I’d really like that too.”

“Oh er… well… really?” The sheer shock made you giggle, feeling the two of you sliding back into the normal dynamic.

“Normally a boy has to buy me a drink before he gets in my bed but….” A mischevious smirk that spread across your lips gave Harry the final confirmation that just maybe you were interested too, making him scoff and quietly chuckle.

It was odd; mainly because this was the two of you being incredibly vulnerable and honest with each other - something that you hadn’t allowed yourself to be for fear of messing things up. And then one lazy morning, both with morning breath and slightly puffy eyes, it changed. For the first time when you looked at him, he really saw - and vice versa. You were still in the middle of something, yet it was completely different. 

This time you were in the middle together figuratively as well as literally. In the middle of the bed, closer than you needed to be, but not wanting to retreat - while you both just looked shyly and bashfully at each… Eventually you lips hesitantly met in the middle. 

[creepypocky]

Hello dear! May I have a romantic and Nsfw creepypasta match-up please? Feel free to ignore this if they are closed but if you do choose to do this then thank you so much! I hope you have a great day/night!

Zodiac sign: Leo sun, Aries moon, Leo rising

Personality Type: ENTP

Pronouns: She/her

Sexuality: Straight (For now might be bi but i'm going with straight)

I'm 5'4 and I have a very tiny body frame so i'm extremely petite and pretty small. I'm not very curvy and I literally have the body of a cereal box...lol but its fine because I have nice hips and thighs. I have thick brown hair that goes down to my back and it gets tangled pretty easily but its kinda fluffy. I have brown eyes and tiny freckles all over my face and body. I also have a very strong grunge style, like Flannels, band t-shirts, combat boots, leather jackets etc. But i'd also always enjoy a nice oversized sweatshirt or hoodie with a pair of skinny, ripped jeans and some converses or something along those lines.

For my personality.....this is where things get interesting. At first people find me very intimidating due to my resting bitch face and cold exterior but I promise i'm not like that ALL the time. When you get to know me, i'm a big extrovert, goofy and about everything that comes out of my mouth is sarcasm or some dry humored joke. I'm also that one friend in a group where they literally will do the stupidest shit ever like for an example one time it was super dark outside and my other friend was there, while I was trying to climb a tree and I failed and fell out of the tree, and landed on my back. I got straight up after that somehow it didn't hurt.....like at all? But yeah i'm super reckless and sometimes people have to save me from myself if you get what I mean. I also have a very strong "I don't give a fuck" attitude and I will not hesitate to stick up for myself or my friends....like i'm the type of person where if someone glares at me, i'll glare right back. I can have bad anxiety and I can be very self destructive. This is where my feisty, stubborn, hardheaded side comes in. If I want something then i'll fight for it even if it hurts me and i'll get into a bad cycle of putting myself down and trying to do better even if I did great the first time but I always push myself too far and other people have to stop me because I usually can't see it when its happening. I also cover my emotions up and I have a lot of trouble talking about whats bothering me or what problems i'm having emotionally so I put up a wall and I act tough, or happy and sometimes i'll be the exact opposite but I try to hide it.

Weird things about me: I've grown up in the south all my life so sometimes when I talk a few words they'll come out sounding WAYYY more country and southern then I wanted, I don't have an accent but sometimes my words just come out that way. I also love the smell of cigarette smoke....let me explain. When I was a kid my parents smoked a lot and I was used to smelling it and now it reminds me of home and is sort of comforting.

Things I like: I love swimming (I was on a swim team for about 9 years), I love horror movies, I like rain and the sounds of thunderstorms because its calming to me, I also love the smell of rain, I like cloudy days, cooking, listening to 80's and 90's rock but mainly 90's because 90's is the best, My favorite bands are Bush, Audioslave, Red Hot Chili Peppers, Linkoln Park, Pearl jam but i'm pretty open to anything. Things I dislike: Spiders.......I will scream if I see a spider.

So for the nsfw part.....I'm very shy and i'd like it if someone guided me. But i'm 100% a Bottom and I love praise and maybe a tiny bit of degradation. I also have a big ownership kink like if someone tells me that i'm their's....then I might die. Also if they told me that they "Needed" me I would also die on the spot...in a good way. I'm also a sucker for marking like lovebites and hickies? Yes please. But please tease me and edge me because I prefer not having control so someone else being in control is just...lovely. Also pet names! Like Sunshine, Babygirl, Doll....AHHhh I might melt. Things I don't like are impact play or the whole "Daddy kink" It kinda just makes me cringe

I also don't think I really have a type but.....I do tend to love people who are brooding, and intimidating on the outside but a big teddy bear on the inside because that's how I am sometimes. I hate people who are fake or just passive aggressive because they are super annoying to deal with and honestly if you have something to say then just say it to my face rather than behind my back.

Hello :)

|| I enjoyed reading through this. I'll definitely work on it now. ||

I match you with ~ Jeff The Killer!

First off, he really likes your size and style, he has a think for small girls that can still be tough and that’s something he loves showing off when you get together lmfao, he’s like, “Yeah, my girls strong. Fuck you gonna do about it?”

Now, Jeff is a really unstable, violent guy. A lot of people (even me) don’t even see him ever being interested in being in a relationship, so when the creeps saw Jeff with his arm around you, they were immediately baffled by it.

The truth is, though, this man totally wants to have someone by his side, someone that accepts him even though he’s a killer. Someone that’s open to his feelings and is willing to look past all of the horrible shit he’s done.

You’re like that to him, it took him a very long time to get used to how he felt for you at first. At first he thought his brain was just being stupid, but Jeff isn’t dumb. He knows what these feelings feel like, and he recognized them almost immediately after that.

Jeff is really insane, and he constantly leans on you for support and depends on you to keep him leveled at times. It can get pressuring, but despite it all he always makes sure to not blame you if he ends up doing something dumb because he knows it’s not your fault.

He finds your clothing style pretty hot, he really loves badass kind of outfits with leather and band names, because as I said, he loves to show off that his girl is “cool” or something.

He thinks your resting bitch-face and cold exterior is really badass too, being around you always gives him so much confidence and its a great change from the usual fake confidence he has around everyone that he keeps up as a defense mechanism when in reality he was always pretty insecure.

I honestly think Jeff is an extrovert too, like he loves being around people and interacting with them (When they’re not normal people and don’t think he’s hideous, that is). I canon this mostly because when hes alone, then he’s also alone with his thoughts and his thoughts always end up wandering to his insecurities and what he hates about himself, but you often catch him during these times and you reassure him that everything will be okay and that you still love him.

He totally relates to being the friend that says stupidest shit, you two will often just go up to one of the creeps and just start spouting random shit. He honestly fucking loves being goofy with you, and you two are always creating awesome memories together when you prank the other creeps and sometimes each other and he honestly wouldn’t have it any other way.

When you do stupid shit that gets you in trouble or puts you in danger, he’s always quick to get to you and make sure you’re okay, he would probably panic a lot though. Like, “What the fuck, dumbass?” “How the HELL did you do that???“ as he’s frantically trying to solve the situation. Will most definitely sit there and laugh at you for a good 5-10 minutes once the whole thing is dealt with though.

You being able to stick up for your friends is one of the great qualities about you that he absolutely adores, especially since before he became a killer he would always get bullied and nobody would ever stick up for him, so one day when you defend him against a bunch of assholes it just warms his heart up and makes him feel so loved, but he most likely wont admit that.

He’d let it slip eventually though.

When you’re feeling self-destructive, he is 100% there for you. Although he’s not really the best at giving advice, he’ll still sit there with you and let you talk your heart out and will listen to every single word because he wants to show that same contribution towards you that you’ve shown him. He’ll constantly reassure you that not everything is your fault and that you’re strong, and he’ll make little promises to you.

If it was a person in particular making you feel that way though, he’d definitely make sure to pay a visit to the motherfucker.

He admires your determination to fight for the things you want, but to an extent. He hates it when you overwork yourself or push beyond your limits to the point where it destroys you, and he wants you to know that you’re not alone and you can ask for help, you don’t have to destroy yourself. He’s more than willing to stay right there, by your side.

He understands hiding your true emotions, because well, he’s had to do it a lot around the other creeps and around his family when they were still alive. So he won’t ever push you to talk about somehting if you don’t want to, but he doesn’t want you to pretend to be okay either. He’s more than willing to just lay with you and do whatever you want if it would make you feel better.

He honestly likes how you have a southern accent at times, when he’s feeling upset or like his sanity is draining, your accent really soothes him so sometimes he’ll ask you to lay it on thick because he could honestly listen to you talk to him and listen to your accent all day if he wanted to.

It’s good that you like cigarette smoke because I canon this man smokes very often.

When it storms at night, he’ll always hold you close to him with a blanket and just listen to the storm sounds with you because it soothes him too. This man is really pent up from feeling driven to constantly murder and just sitting with you listening to the rain and thunder is one of the main things that level him.

He’s really not the best.... at cooking.... but, this means you can cook often for him since he won’t for himself. B)

He will just put you in a car and drive for hours to no destination and blast that 80s and 90s music just to see that smile on your face.

This man will 100000000000% destroy any spider within a 10 mile radius of you.

He understands not liking people who are fake because there were a lot of people who talked shit about him when he went to school, and when he has a problem with someone he will always say it to their face and make them understand that they’re a piece of shit to him.

NSFW:

You like being dominated and guided? Good, because this man is at least 95% a top. He thinks it’s adorable that you’re shy and will most definitely be willing to guide you through the whole thing and tell you exactly what to do for him.

Jeff is really possessive tbh, so when he’s fucking you he will constantly say shit like,

“Fucking mine”

“You’re nobody elses“

“You belong to me, only”

This man will definitely bite you everywhere, he lives to just throw you down onto the bed and start biting everywhere on your body and making sure to leave marks just so you know exactly who owns you.

Don’t worry honey, he will spend hours just filling you with his cock and telling you that you cant cum unless you beg more, or he’ll just pull out right when you’re about to cum on him and just slap your folds with his fingers as a way to make fun of you.

He’ll call you things like, “baby” “dollface” “darling” when he’s feeling passionate but oh boy if he’s feeling angry or he’s punishing you? Be prepared to be degraded all night.

There we go <3

Sorry if this is too long lmfao, I just think that Jeff is a really misunderstood piece of shit. I hope you’re having a great day and taking care of yourself, and I hope you enjoyed this matchup. :)

[baecvlt]

Better Late than Never

in which the reader was set up on a blind date by Sonia Nevermind with Kazuichi Soda

• Kazuichi Soda x Reader

• fluff

• fem reader

• original idea <33

BTW YALL this might sound accidentally self insert-ish but that’s because I gave the character interests (since this is a date fic) but I dont know anything else to put for them. anyway enjoy still.

“So, there’s no one there?”

I glared at her, death staring into her clear, blue eyes. “What the fuck is ‘there’?”. She sighed and lightly hit my arm. “I’m asking you if you have a crush, silly!,” she spat, yet her tone remained friendly. I shook my head. “I don’t find any of these people attractive, Sonia”.

“So you wouldn’t go out witj a classmate?”

“No, Sonia”

She stays silent, suddenly darting her eyes at Hajime. “How about him,” she asked,“Hagime seems like a nice guy”. I shrugged. “Not my cup of tea, really”. She then points at Teruteru,“And him?”. I looked at Teruteru, who was already gawking me. “God, no, Sonia,” I gagged,“Too perverted for my liking”. She then began listing names. Here is what I had to say for all of them.

Hajime: Boring

Nekomaru: LOUD

Fuyuhiko: Mean and short

Nagito: Psycho!

Eventually, she gave up. I didnt feel any way of them, who’s to know how I feel about anyone else at this school? “Fine,” she said, but her eyes lit up,“Oo! How about-”.

“Oof!”

He had bumped into me, knowing me to the floor. Kazuichi Soda: the Ultimate Mechanic. “Yeah, him!,” Sonia said. I looked at Kazuichi, disgust on my face. “Not in a million years”. “Huh?” (Kazuichi was madly confused). Sonia grumbled,“What’s wrong with him?”.

“What isn’t there wrong with him? He also doesn’t bathe!”

“Ouch, I bathe,” he said. “Why were you in such a rush anyway?,” I asked. He shrugged, but eventually sighed and revealed his reason. “I got excited,” he said softly. Sonia and I were confused.

“I just got updated on my— something. I’m going to the office to see what they have to tell me about this thing I’m in the middle of”

I was confused, but I had to know now. “Anyway, I’m sorry,” he said, walking right past us. I stood there, but Sonia got my attention. “Come on, we’re gonna be late to Economics”. She grabbed my arm and pulled me to class. When we got there, everybody was huddled up. There was something they were being discreet about. “Hello, friends,” Sonia said,“What are we talking about?”. “Kazuichi,” Ibuki said without the slightest hesitation.

Okay, maybe not that discreet.

“What’s wrong with him?,” I asked,“Besides all that, I mean”. “Cut him some slack,” Hajime said, now I knew the situation was a little more sensitive than I thought. Sonia and I both got our chair to listen. Hajime sighed,“This morning, I woke up and went to get Kazuichi for class. He wasn’t in his room. Later that day, I went go check on him and he was in his room, but when I opened the door, his eyes were just read and tired. I asked him is all was well, he only nodded and smiled. It took a while, but he still told me he was okay, now adding in the detail that the board had gotten back to him on his request to be transferred elsewhere”. My mouth dropped slightly. “Transferred where?,” I asked, Hajime only shrugged.

“This is all Sonia’s fault!”

We looked at Hioyoko, Sonia quick in defending herself. “He wouldn’t transfer schools because of me, it’s probably all your fault,” she was defensive,“Maybe if you weren’t so mean to him all the time—”. Suddenly, arguing broke out. I heard many things. Hajime said he hasn’t shown interest in her lately, Sonia seeming slightly offended. Gundham was blamed, Ibuki wasn’t being blamed (she was never cold with him). Suddenly, Mikan spoke out. “Wait!”. She yelled, so we were quiet. Surprised by her tone, it made us all shut up. “What if it’s all our faults?,” she suggested,“Y-You didn’t have to be cold to him. Who else besides Ibuki or Hajime spoke to him without immediately judging character?”. It made me think, but suddenly Fuyuhiko spoke. “Fuck that!,” he said,“The dude probably wasn’t enough to be here so they dropped him. He was also probably too embarrassed to say that. And the eyes? Please! They were red because he might be some type of pothead; high out of his mind!”. “That’s a really shitty thing to say,” Hiyoko said,“Even *I* know that’s harsh”.

“I don’t give a fuck; Its true”

Hajime shook his head,“I’m gonna agree with Mikan”. “Wait isn’t it like extremely hard to transfer from this school?”. “No, not quite,” Chiaki said,“When given valid reason, the board can transfer a student elsewhere”. “If in fact the mistreatment of Kazuichi was the reason he sought transfer,” Peko added,“He probably went with ‘mental health concerns’. Since we’re all of age, he wouldn’t need to run it by a parent or guardian, making it much easier for him to transfer”. There was silence. “So what now?,” I ask. Hajime had a quick answer,“We treat him better”. “Is it not too late?”. Peko shook her head.

“If Kazuichi really went to simply be spoken about the appeal, students are given three days to make their final decision. Afterwards, there is no going back since students are allowed an appeal once”

We all still sat there. Were some of us actually cold towards him? I mean, everyone else in the academy didn’t even acknowledge him (neither did some of us, but we were around more, right?). “Alright, studebts, to your seats now!”. The professor being there had us scurrying away from Hajime’s desk. Throughout the whole class, I couldn’t focus. I kept thinking of Kazuichi, but why? Why did I care about him leaving so much?

The bell rang, Sonia waited for me. Econimics was our last class every Thrusday. The minute I was within her reach, she continued the conversation from earlier today. “So, I was thinking: you can’t talk to boys for shit,” she said. “And?”.

“What if I set you up on a blind. date.— huh? How about that?”

I sneered. Blind dates—they were such a tacky idea to me, what the fuck, but this was Sonia. She always new what was best for me when it came to, well, everything. Plus, it might be fun, or funny?

“Oh, what the hell. I’ll give it a try”

Sonia smiled so hard, her eyes shut. She squealed. “I cant wait,” she said,“I promise, this’ll be good for you. Just you wait!”. She kissed me on the cheek, leaving me behind. “Wait— we aren’t going home together?,” I asked. She shook her head. “I have some things to take care of! See you tomorrow, love”. She hurries her way. That girl. I’ll never understand her…

“Hey, how’s it going? … Nice … Well, now that you ask, I was wondering if you were open to a blind date? … Splendid! Friday, agree to meet with this girl, here’s her number … Let’s make things more interesting … Don’t tell her your name … Yes, you do know her”

I got home, setting my book bag down and practically collapsing onto my mattress. What a day. Before I got in thought about all that I was told today, as if on cue, my phone rang. It was a message, one from a number I had never seen before.

???: Hi :)

I was friendly, I didn’t have to be.

Me: Hello :)

As if a second cue went off, Sonia texts me.

Sonia: Has your blind date messaged you? btw make up a name! dont reveal anything !

Me: OH okok

I return back to the unknown sender.

Me: sonia put you up to this ?

???: yes, ma’am (or sir, or i have no clue. sonia said you were a girl. sorry)

Me: hey dont worry, sonia said she was setting me up with a guy, so i assumed too. i am a girl and being called ma’am doesn’t bother me.

???: well you assumed correctly, but thank you for letting me know, ma’am i get unsure.

???: anyway, what’s ur name?

I thought of a good, normal name, but nothing occurred to me. I looked all around my room for an object. Suddenly, my eyes landed on the family camera I had left in my room whenI used it for a project.

Me: my name is cam, hbu

???: Zero

Me: Is that really your name?

Zero: no but it makes sense to me

Me: wdym?

Zero: itd just me i guess

Me: ur gonna make me sad booo

Zero: oops, sorry !

Me: lol Its fine. but seriously, I know there is someone who cares about you. if anything Is wrong. you can talk to me, even if our date friday goes to shit :)

Zero: Yeahyesh thanks for that, Cam. its just my friends, i dont feel seen by them and it just feels like my parents have followed me.

Me: Well, they probably really love you. if it helps, I care about you :))

Zero: you’re very kind

Me: aw noooo. anyway, how was your day?

Zero: it coulda been better. yours?

Me: yeaaaa same here

Zero: what’s wrong?

Me: found something out ab a friend of mine.

Zero: is everything okay?

Me: Yea it all should be if I can fix things with him

Zero: you must really care ab him

Me: yea i really do

“Zero” decided it’d be best to change the subject since he figured it was slightly depressive (which it was). From the time I got home (4am) to 12am, we talked. I was excited because for once in my life, I was speaking to someone who liked the things I did. The same movies, the same bands. He listened to a lot of new wave and indie rock. Eventually, I got sleepy, so we called it a night. He called me cute and let me go to bed.

I actually looked forward to our date Friday. I didn’t care who he was, for he was perfect.

Morning came around and I just wanted to talk to him. In fact that’s all I did. We texted in homeroom, Theater, Calculus, etc. It was Friday today, meaning we’d have to meet today after school, thus revealing ourselves. Sonia and I were in calculus and she noticed I wouldn’t put my phone down. “God, someone’s obsessed,” she teased. “He means everything to me,” I said, breaking no eye contact with my screen. Sonia went to Kazuichi, who I have class with for Calculus, Government and Chem (which we both failed last year). I couldn’t care to break my focus on my screen, but I did head him mutter “she’s perfect”. So Kazuichi found someone else? That’s fine, but will she care enough to stop him from transferring? Could be be transferring for her?!

As the day grew the situation began getting fucking dire.

I was headed to my final class, chemistry. I had my phone in hand, texting away and very distracted. Suddenly, just like yesterday: “Oof!”. I was on the floor and above me? Kazuichi Soda. “I’m sorry, oh my god,” he said as he helped me up. I shook my head. “Nono, this time it’s my fault,” I said, dusting myself off,“I wasn’t paying attention”. 

“I was also very distracted, heh”

I smiled, picking his phone up from the ground. His screen turned on, exposing that he had been listening to music. “Cocteau Twins”. I handed him his phone. “You like them,” I asked. He nodded,“Do you?”. 

“Yeah, I do”

“Cool... where are you headed?”

“Chem”

“Why so early? There’s a whole hour and a half till we have to be there, plus the 5 minute tardy bell”

“I like being early. Where were you going?”

“My room,” he said,“I can’t find my chemistry journal, so I figured I should look for it before class”. “In your room?”. He nodded. For some sick and weird reason, I felt bad leaving him to do that on his own. “I can help you,” I blurted, almost instantly. His face lit up. “Really?!”. His overly joyed expression brought a smile out in me as well. “Yeah,” I answered softly. He grabbed my hand and ran with me up to his room, having me keep up with him. We got to his room as my heels skid slightly behind him. When opened the door and turned on the light, my jaw dropped.

His room was a complete and utter mess.

“Kazu- how is anything gonna get found in here?,” I asked, trying to keep my tone as calm as possible. “Its manageable,” he answered, entering and starting to look through all his junk,“I haven’t had the energy to clean my room anyway. It hasn’t really bothered me”. I shook my head as I walked in. “No, this isn’t right,” I said, an idea coming to mind,“Why don’t you lay there and rest up a little? I’ll clean your room”. His eyes lit up. “Really?”. I nodded, a warm smile creeping up on my lips. “Well, okay,” he answered,“Thank you, sweetheart”. I couldn’t even react to the pet name. His hat rested over his eyes as he quite literally fell asleep before my very eyes. 

With that, I got to work.

Cleaning out his room, taught me a few things. He also happens to like the same films as I do, but he likes more action films. I also learned he has a much bigger wardrobe than I thought. Lastly, he isn’t as mess as I thought. He had everything one would need to clean, even owned a vacuum. It took me about 1 hour and 5 minutes to clean out. I hadn’t realized it was that long, time went by me like a breeze. I approached him and sat by him. In a pattern, I shook him carefully then played with his hot pink hair, which was softer than expected. 

God, there’s something wrong with me. 

He woke up and I removed the hat from over his eyes. He lay as he looked around, seeing his room uncluttered. “Wow, it’s like a brand new room,” he said happily. “Yep”. He sat up and smiled back at me. “Thank you,” he repeated. 

“It’s nothing, really”

His voice was still groggy, I could tell he was a little dazed after his nap. He lay back and laughed to himself as we sat on his bed. “What?”. He shook his head as the lazy smile on his face grew slightly wider. “You’re really pretty”. I blushed a little, and laughed nervously. “Thanks”. He sat back up again, we both had no idea what to do now, but look at each other. It was a comfortable silence. I could forever into his oddly colored eyes. 

I wanted him to kiss me, now.

I’ve truly lost my mind. I had no idea if it was just tension or anything but that. Would I like it or would I despise it. I decided to maybe test these waters, but before I could, he beat me to it. Out of nowhere, he grabbed my chin, pulling me to his lips. Kissing me skillfully, he lay back and I followed so I wouldn’t be away from him, leaving me straddling his lap. What a day to forget to wear shorts under my skirt. With how he kiss me and I kissed him, it was no secret we wanted this for a while now. The fact that I wanted this made my stomach knot. We pulled away, slightly winded. “That was so fucking hot”. I proceeded to tell him this never happened. He agreed it didn’t. Then he added:

“I’ve never done that before”

“Neither have I-”

Then, it hit me. Kazuichi was my first kiss.

“This must be a very shitty realization,” he said, laughing a little. “Shut up, let’s get to class”. He nodded, getting up from bed, seeing that his journal was on his now clean and visible desk. He picked it up and now we were ready to go. We were still early, despite distance and how crowded the halls were. We sat at our own table, usually we both sat alone since none of our friends had this class. We all knew each other, but we wouldn’t exactly call certain people friends. Anyway, during class, I was extremely bothered. I felt sick and I couldn’t stop thinking about that fucking kiss.

At all.

I really didn’t want him to leave. I couldn’t stand the thought of him leaving. I had to stop it, but why did I want to anyway. Is this pity? It didn’t feel like it; I can tell when I pity someone and this didn’t feel like pity. Could it be that he’s always been there?

I’ve never fallen in love before, nor caught feelings. Something about him felt so familiar. What has Kazuichi done for me?

I began to think and it all came to me. The times I had no one else to talk to so he’d be there, whenever someone has bailed on me I’d go to him. I’ve taken him for granted, yet he’s smiled through it all. To think I’d hurt him made me feel worse. “God, I hate this class,” he whispered to me. I broke away from my thought. “Oh, me too,” I answered,“How are you doing, though?”. 

“In this class?”

I nodded. “Terrible”.

I mouthed an “oh”. After a second, I offered a solution. “Well, you can always ask me for help,” I said. “Seriously?,” his eyes lit up like when we were in his room. God his crooked, toothy smile had me smiling, it was intoxicating. “Yeah, come to me anytime,” I said, getting quiet. This was quite awful. On top of that, I remembered I had a date after today. I didn’t even want whoever the fuck I had to meet with. As planned by Sonia, we were to meet at the bridge in between dorms on the third floor at 7pm (mind you, I don’t have a room in this school so there really is no reason for me to stay so late). Now that I think about it, it really sounds like more of a meetup than a date. Maybe it wasn’t so important for me to meet this mystery man. I can just text him I was no longer interested.

And that’s what I chose to do.

After class, I bumped into Sonia. She smiled widely when she saw me. “Oh my god, Are you excited for tonight?!”. Here I am, bursting her bubble.

“No”

Her smile went down slowly. “Why not?,” she asked. “I’m not going”.

“WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU MEAN YOU AREN’T GOING?”

That was probably the loudest she’s ever spoken. “I mean, I don’t want to”. “But this was important, what the fuck,” she seemed too upset about it. “I don’t want him,” I said,“I’m into someone else”. “WHO?”. I swallowed before the name came out of my mouth,“Kazuichi...”.She slapped her hand over her mouth. “I know its emba-”.

“THAT’S NOT WHAT I’M GONNA SAY, oh my god. You have to go still, don’t leave your blind date hanging, please. I’m begging you, please!”

I scoffed.

I nodded. “Fine, but I really cannot pretend to have a good time,” I said to her. Nodding frantically, she said she knows. Ultimately, it was my choice and she knew that. Sonia walked home with me, then said she would walk back with me when it came time to meet my blind date. She wanted be there for when he was revealed. I got a message from this man when I got home.

Zero: Hey, are you sure you want to meet?

  I raised a brow and showed Sonia. She covered her mouth, but quickly told me to say yes. So that’s exactly what I did. 

Me: Yeah

Zero: ok

  “He isn’t into it,” I said, showing Sonia the messages. “He will be”. Damn, she was so dead set on this and for what? “Come on,” she said,“We should get going”. I nodded, getting up from the floor we sat on in my room. Locking up, we swiftly headed to the bridge.

It was dark by the time we got there.

“Hello?”

No answer. “Maybe wait a little,” Sonia suggested,“He gets shy”. I turned to her. “Do you know him?,” I asked. “Of course I do”. She must’ve misunderstood what I asked. “No, but do you know him know him,” I cleared up,“like is he close to any of us”. She nodded, now I was really curious. A couple minutes passed and he still wasn’t there. “See,” I said,“Fucking no-show!”. My hands clenched into a fist. Sonia was getting closer to me, looking as if she had some consoling words to say, but she stopped. Smiling, she backed away. Then, I heard footsteps behind me. She stepped away from me, nodding towards me, but that was just a signal for me to turn around. I heard a gasp,“You?”. 

The familiarity of the voice—it all made sense now.

“You!,” I cried. My eyes watered as a smiling Kazuichi stood in front of me. I hugged him and I could tell he wasn’t expecting me. “God, I thought you’d hate me,” he sighed, relieved. I shook my head. “I’ll leave you to it,” Sonia said,“I have to go anyway; my ride’s here”. We waved her off, getting back to each other. “Wanna head into my room?”.

We headed into his room, snuck in, I’m not supposed to be here. He threw himself onto his bed as his hands made a gesture for me to get on. I straddled him like before and kissed him. “Someone’s excited,” he teased. I scoffed. “I’m not the only one”. His face turned red as he looked away. “Hey, Kazuichi? Can we talk”. He nodded, waiting for me to introduce the topic. 

“Hajime and, well, everyone else including Sonia and myself were talking and—”

“Yeah?”

“That you’re leaving?”

“Oh... yeah. I am”

I frowned, getting off him, now sitting next to him. He looked upset now that he remembered. “It isn’t too late now, is it?”. He shook his read putting his hat on his bedside drawer (me thinks this is the first time I’ve seen him without a hat). “Tomorrow, I go confirm my decision,” he said,“I feel... miserable in Hope Peak. I don’t belong here”.

“Kazu...”

“You don’t know what it feels like not having anything in common with anyone. Everyone being so fucking distant”

“I do know how the first one feels, but... we have each other to relate to”

“I just hate how this school makes me feel and I want it to go away”

He shivered as his eyes began to water. It hurt so much to see him cry. I never have. “Baby, look at me,” I said to him,“We all love you, okay? I love you. I’m sorry for being so cold towards you this whole time. You were always there”. He stuck his head into my chest and just let everything go. I played with his hair as he got rid of emotion. I lay his head down and straddled him again. Quickly, I kissed all over his tear-stained face, the taste of salt persistent on my lips. The kisses got him riled up and giggly once again, making him tackle me. I fell back on the bed as he did the same to me. He smooched me on the lips before giving me his final word.

“I’ll think about it, okay?”

I nodded, not pressuring him. I wanted him to be so sure about staying. I also wanted him to know that if he did stay, I would be there, always. “You need a ride home?”, he asked. I could have gone home, but I didn’t necessarily want to. “Aw, don’t you want me to stay?,” I pouted. The way I said it was so playful it almost felt like teasing. He blushed frantically answering,“Yeah, I do”. I then realized I didn’t have clothes to sleep in.

And no, sleeping in underwear could never be an option. (Not yet, at least)

“Damnit, I don’t have clothes”. That’s when he opened his drawer and threw some sweatpants at me. “You have a shirt under that one, correct?,” he asked. I nodded, unbuttoning my school shirt. it was a silk black undershirt, could be used as an undergarment or sleepwear. “Hey, I’m just gonna go out to the communal to wash up, okay?”.

“That’s fine, baby”

He smiled, heading off with his toothbrush and towel. Once the door shut, I with a I slid off my socks. I then stood up and took off my skirt. The clothing fit me kind of snug, but I didn’t mind. I lay back and waited for him patiently.

His shower was quick, well, in my opinion it was. His hair gave off a brisk scent, as he lay next to me. His eyes looked weak as he hug his face into my chest. It wasn’t in a weird way or anything, so I simply assumed he was tired. “Are you sleepy, yet?”. He nodded, his face in deeper. “I’m really sleepy,” he said softly. I ran my fingers through his hair like before and let him sleep. Watching how at ease he was in my embrace soothed me to rest. According to Hajime, he was usually a light sleeper. The slightest touch or noise would wake him up. He would shift around or mumble in his sleep. This time, it was different.

It was peaceful.

The next morning, I woke up and put on yesterday’s clothes. When I got to putting on my shoes, I felt him move behind me. “Good morning, sleepyhead,” I said sweetly. “Good morning, angel,” he said, his voice straining as he stretched with a grunt,“Time?”. 

“9:30”

He got up and threw on a pair of clothes that I have never seen him in. “You want a ride home?,” he asked,“I meet with the board today at 10. If I take you home now, I can make it back in good time”. I nodded, going hand in hand with him after he had put his shoes on.

I never knew Kazuichi drove. I recall him say he had terrible motion sickness, yet here he was driving me home in a borrowed car that had been worked on in the school’s auto shop class. I had nothing else to talk about and the silence was killing me. “So you can drive?”.

“I can drive”

“What about your motion sickness?”

He clicked his tongue. “Yeah, that’s always been there, always will be,” he began to explain,“but I’ve learned to ignore it”. He put his arm around me, smiling. I smiled, yet I was terrified. What if I wasn’t enough to make him stay? As he drove, I noticed he had nothing in mind. With Kazuichi, you can always tell when there’s something on his mind. Always. He’ll squint, mouth some words to himself...that’s how you know. It began to overwhelm me and I wanted to cry. I wanted to cry knowing there was possibly nothing I can say or do for him to stay. He may know I love him, but what if the timing was off?

Oh, well.

We arrived at my home, him walking me up to my doorstep. He kissed me, his smile dropping afterward. Fuck, he must’ve noticed... “Hey, is everything okay?”. I nodded. “Okay,” he said, uncertainty in his tone,“Well, text me if anything!”. I nodded, a faint smile on my face. I headed inside and lay in bed.

My memory of that Saturday and the Sunday that followed are fogged. I don’t remember leaving my room, let alone my house. Monday came around. I was nervous. I walked down the halls, Sonia standing and an expression of worry spread across her face. “Sonia,” I said,“What’s wrong?”. She gulped and I knew nothing positive would come out of this.

“Hajime hasn’t seen Kazuichi all day”

My eyes widened and I wanted to pass out. “No, that can’t be!”. I didn’t want to feel this. It was all guilt. Why, though? Everything seemed fine when we had last seen each other, it made no sense. “You haven’t talked to him?,” she asked. I shook my head. Sonia sighed. “Okay,” she began,“We have government today. Your only class with him. All we have to do is wait and then we’ll know for sure”. I nodded, trying not to let emotions get to me.

Now in government, I waited, We all did. None of us had heard a word from him. Soon enough, an hour passed: no Kazuichi. Tearful, my eyes shut as I placed my head on my table. Hajime walked up to me. “If its in any consolation at all,” he began,“Kazuichi really did like you. He loved you. I’m sure he knew you loved him”.

“Why the fuck do you make it sound like he’s dead?”

“I see how it would sound like so. I’m just gonna leave my words at that”

My eyes were burning and a headache began growing. Suddenly, there was pounding on thr door, pounding that startled the class. The teacher sighed. The knock was that of a late student, which obviously would’ve annoyed her considering this is a 65 minute class and it had been an hour or so. A student volunteered for the door and there stepped in a distressed Kazuichi.

“WHY THE FUCK DIDN’T YOU TEXT ME?!?”

I sniffled and my heart was beating out of my chest when I heard his voice and saw his face. “Kazuichi?!”. I ran up to him and hugged him, he was tense. “I was so worried,” he said. “That makes two of us”. I kissed him, he asked if I was okay and I nodded so frantically. “I didn’t text because I was sad!”. He hugged me tighter, kissing my forehead. I looked into his eyes, falling in love. Then I had realized one thing. “Wait”. He looked at me,“What’s up?”.

“WHY ARE YOU SO LATE?!”

“I HAD AN EYE EXAM!”

He walked to the teacher and handed her a doctor’s note. “You know I can’t mark you present right?,” she said. “You can’t mark me absent either, miss”. Yeah, he wasn’t the best student here. He walked back up to me and kissed me. “There’s like 2 minutes left,” he said,“Can we leave?”.

“Just go”

Being a nuisance paid off as we were all let out early. He grabbed my book bag and ran with me, pulling me by the hand. He took me to the back of the school, yeah, the very back behind the gym. I sat in his lap as he kissed me once more harder, now that no one was watching. I then faced him. “I thought you were leaving,” I whined. He ran his hands through my hair. “I was going to,” he said,“but I couldn’t do that to you, or to myself”. We sat in silence till I said,“Who would’ve thought?”.

“Yeah, in a million years, huh? What year we in?”

“Shut up”

I kissed him and felt him smile against my lips. “Don’t change, Kazuichi”. “Don’t plan on it,” he said,“I love you”. “I love you too”.

[mashiraostail]

IT'S SPOOKY SEASON! How would Aizawa, Vlad King, Midnight and Present Mic feel about a small Seamstress S/O who LOVES Halloween, like the MOMENT August moves to September and the weather starts getting cooler they bring out the pumpkin spice candles, big comfy sweaters, pumpkin spice lattes and Halloween decor, bonus points if they bake pumpkin treats :3

HALLOWEEN TIME!! Halloween oreos Halloween oreos Halloween oreos Halloween oreos Halloween oreos >:3 

Aizawa: He’s pretty indifferent to seasonal stuff, his wardrobe is usually ever unchanging and his favorite foods are mostly year-round things, though all the black cat decorations are enjoyable and he likes seeing his kids get excited about the season so he’s no scrooge about it.  He’s more than happy to let you decorate your living space if you share it, and if you don’t he’ll even let you decorate his too, he’ll probably even ask you to come with him to get things for his students to decorate as well.  He’s probably a disastrous baker but he’ll linger around you if you’re baking, especially if you ask him to keep you company while you do.  Put him to work on the easy stuff, melting butter, chopping nuts, oiling pans etc.. measuring isn’t really his forte. Despite your initial disbelief, he’d do a couple costume is you asked him incredibly nicely (you’ll probably owe him a favor...or five) despite how he may act though he probably enjoys it. Not a huge fan of sweet drinks himself but he’ll surprise you with them if he has the extra time, out on patrol, if he knows you’re working late, etc.. if you work together you can expect one on your desk once or twice a week, exactly how you like it even if you don’t remember ever telling him your order.  Scary movies don’t bother him so feel free to drag him into a marathon of them, he’ll lay back on the couch and watch with you when you’ve got the downtime. Be wary though, if you get scared he’s probably gonna make fun of you just a little. His favorite thing about the season is for sure the smells, nutmegs, gingers, pumpkin etc...he likes the sharp scent of fall and the neutral colors are also pretty enjoyable for him. But on top of that, he just likes seeing other people be excited about it, even if he acts like a stick in the mud sometimes but you know just like everyone else he’s pretty soft where it matters. He always gives himself away by coming to you and talking about how Mina scares Denki every morning without fail for the ‘spirit of the season’ or the running list of what to dress Bakugou up as for the holiday (top contender is currently: q-tip). get a sexy cat costume Sekijiro: Come on his hero name is a vampire joke  He probably likes it much more than he lets on, and like Aizawa, he loves watching his kids get excited about it. He probably lets them pick a costume for him every year (it’s usually some type of vampire) He’d be overjoyed to decorate with you, and will definitely leave up the decorations until it’s time to change for the winter season.  He loves seeing all the foliage change color too, go on a few walks with him before it gets too cold (even after, he’ll just wrap an arm around you, but he’ll say he feels bad keeping you outside in the cold).  I feel like he really loves fall seasonal drinks and stuff, maybe not the signature pumpkin spice but something akin to it may be slightly less sweet. But he’ll try anything you offer him and pretend to like it even if he doesn’t for the sake of not killing your excitement.  He always makes a mental note of the things you like to surprise you every so often. He likes baking with you even if he’s not always great at it, but he’s a pro at kneading dough, for obvious reasons, he’s also good for hand-mixing, and eating batter (”You’re setting such a bad example for your students! Stop you’ll get sick!” “They can’t even see me!”) Also totally down for a couples costume, he’ll think it’s funny and cute of you to want to match with him so he’ll definitely do it, and if his students don’t already know about you and suggest one he’ll even let them know he’s got to be able to match with someone this year.  Super loves scary movies, classic monster stuff Dracula, The Blob, anything Junji Ito, he doesn't mind newer stuff but sometimes its a hair too gorey/sexual to be tasteful for him. They don’t scare him, for the most part, there’s just one very specific thing that bothers him (It’s Teke Teke, even just mentioning it is enough to send a shiver up his spine, seriously don’t even joke about it he’ll cry and be mad at you for at least two days or until you give him a heartfelt apology without laughing because it’s “seriously not funny babe come on”) If you have made the mistake of making a Teke Teke joke at him in the past and he discovers even a single thing you are afraid of he will hold it over your head, don’t think he’s not that petty. But he’ll only do it as payback. If you're nice about Teke Teke he will promise to protect you from whatever awful movie monster scares you. If you aren’t well then you’ll just have to face Tomie yourself, unfortunately, “sorry babe but it’s about time to shape up, looks like it’s just you and Tomie now, alright well, goodnight” *clicks off lamp* (of course, he will cave in mere minutes and promise to protect you especially if you actually look scared and his joke didn’t calm you down at all) Don’t worry no evil movie monsters will get to you with Vlad around. get a sexy vampire costume 

Nemuri: Loves Halloween, please fall is this woman’s bread and butter, the fashion is impeccable it smells great and Halloween costumes are so much fun. She’ll 1000% try to rope you into some overtly sexy costume for her own enjoyment even if that sort of thing isn’t your speed, she’s gonna beg, just for one night. Loves decorating probably has the 12-foot skeleton from home depot. Her and Hizashi probably scare the crap out of their students at least once a year, some insane grand scheme that Aizawa and Vlad both know in and out but won't bother tell tell their students if they are unlucky enough to be the targets of it. If you work at UA with her and even think about ratting her out she’ll sniff it out from a mile away and then you’ll be at the top of the duo’s hit list.  Put simply...there is no option but a couple's costume. You will be matching if its the last thing she does.  Loves the seasonal drinks, pumpkin spice is her jam, whenever you pick one up get her one too she’ll thank you generously, and she’ll always have one for you too.  She’s pretty good at baking but not nearly patient enough for it, she’ll distract you halfway through and by the end of the night, all you’ll have is a half made batter, a preheated oven, and some hickeys.  Serial candle lighter and buyer. It’s an addiction, honestly, the smell of nutmeg may be so overpowering that you have to blow one out. At least the mood lighting is nice.  Also loves scary movies and will watch as many as you want, she may jump during them but they’re quick to leave her mind after so if you’re a scaredy-cat she’ll tease you but in the end she’s got a few pretty good methods for distracting you. She loves the season herself but she loves watching you get excited about it, seeing you hobble in the door with arms full of decorations and baking goods just brings her so much joy. The first time you break out a classic fall sweater she’ll compliment you for hours and steal it to wear the next day. get a sexy devil costume

Hizashi: Also loves the season and Halloween, hates all the spiders though, eugh. Not so bad if they’re all fake which normally they are. Aizawa is on his shit list for leaving a huge fake one on his desk chair one day, he tied a string to it and when Hizashi pulled his chair out started tugging the string, seriously he screamed so loud Nemuri thought someone was being abducted.  Though he’s usually good at getting people back on those sorts of things, but Aizawa is notoriously hard to scare so it’s just been festering for years.  As mentioned for Nemuri, they definitely pair up and come up with some huge scheme to scare like at least 10 kids at once, ideally a whole class. It takes weeks of planning, usually happens somewhere around the middle of the month, anyone who has had the misfortune of being part of the target group before always gets tense around that time of year as they are very effective (Tamaki and Mirio have been scared three years in a row, Mirio handles it very well but Tamaki does not come to school for two days after). He loves to bake, he’s probably decent at it too but he makes a huge mess, and he gets distracted too easily if you kiss him or touch him at all you will (similar to with Nemuri) just be left with a half-finished recipe and slightly sore thighs. It’s not his fault. it is Couple costume or Halloween simply does not happen. That's the law! The cheesier and sillier the better, please.  He can either love pumpkin spice or hate it depending on the cafe, but he’s addicted to surprising you with little fall treats so expect plenty.  Big apple cider guy though.  He’ll watch a horror movie with you sure. he’s not afraid of most, but the really good ones will get him, slashers don’t bother him, ghosts are fine, home invasions are nothing, but demons? Eugh. Also bugs of course. An over the top gore makes him squirm. If it’s one of those maybe invite Eraser to deal with his quirk because of the screaming. Your neighbors will think you’re trying to murder the poor man, though you’re probably no better. He likes getting scared with you though so don’t worry about it, and like Nemuri he usually forgets about it afterward.  if he finds it to be a slow, boring movie expect to get sidetracked, especially if you’re jumpy, he’ll put an arm around you and pull out all the classic cheesy moves and lines until he can coax you over. Loves carving pumpkins, seriously loves it so much probably dedicates a class period to it. Will carve a matching set with you if you ask (in his eyes it’s something akin to a marriage proposal so be mindful when you do ask). get a sexy maid costume

[sunflowerhae]

Snowflakes ✧･ﾟ:* ♡ *:･ﾟ✧

♡ requested by @ty0ngf

♡ Mark x gn!reader ft. Jaemin

♡ angst, character death, mentions of holidays but nothing specific

♡a.n// ty for the request, I didn’t do Taeyong, as I have a story coming out for him with angst, sometime this summer. If you would like to be tagged, lmk.

♡Requests are open! Request 🧸here🧸

You wanted to make this work. God, more than anything did you want to make this work.

If you could magically brush away the pain, distrust, and anger in yours and Marks relationship, you would do it with no hesitation. You’ll hear from people that the best way to deal with trauma in a relationship is to face it head on; communication is the key to any functioning couple. It’s not like you didn’t know this, it’s not like you didn’t try. Hell, you even moved halfway across the world to make it work. However, you’re soon coming to realize it might take more than a move and a talk to breathe love back into your comfortable-turned-quiet relationship.

It’s become a challenge for you - a task, one might call it - to try and remember the lasts in your relationship. The last kiss, the last hug, the last movie night, the last ‘i love you’, etc, etc. While it was a sad thing, at least it gave you something to do while your boyfriend ignored you and brushed off your attempted affection.

‘It’s been three weeks since the last time we kissed. Or has it been four? I mean, it wasn’t even a kiss, really. Just a peck on the cheek. I’m sure it’s been four. A month ago, righ-“ The harsh sound of a plastic cup you were washing, banging off the counter and onto the floor, pulled you out of your thoughts. With a sigh, you picked up the cup from its displaced spot on the ground and placed it on the drying rack - not even bothering to wash again. Like many times before, you looked around your cold and silent apartment, lost in space. It seemed that lately your thoughts had been your only best friend, but even those turned sour eventually. Everything in your life, it seemed, turned sour.

Just then, the sound of the door opening and the quick beep that usually followed, filled the empty sounds of your home. You walked out of the kitchen and to the foyer, where Mark had already taken off his shoes, and was hanging his jacket up.

“cold out there?” you asked, startling the blank expression on Marks face.

“I suppose, I got a taxi home.” Shanghai was in the middle of winter now, and the snow that graced the ground around your apartment complex was just as cold as what winter generally felt like to you.

You used to love winter. You loved the snow, and cuddling by the fire. You loved hot chocolate, and sweaters, and holiday movies on hallmark. It was cheesy, but winter really was your favorite season.

Was.

Nothing more was said to you. Mark, not expecting anything else, started his trek to the bedroom, where you assumed he would spend the rest of his night.

“I was thinking,” your voice stopped Mark in his tracks, and he turned around with an expecting look, “maybe...we could watch a movie tonight? I saw they’ll be playing How the Grinch Stole Christmas on hallmark, and I don’t know about you, but i’m craving takeout and I thought we could turn on the fire an-“

“I have work.” your small smile dropped, and Mark said nothing else, but instead turned and continued down the hallway.

It angered you, really.

It was Marks idea to move to Shanghai. He said that what your dying relationship needed was a fresh start; somewhere to heal from what happened. You had agreed then, but now you wished you had just let your relationship go. Then, at least, you could be surrounded by people who love and care about you, and you could heal. But now, you’re in a foreign country where you don’t even speak the language, and you’re alone. Even with Mark, you still truly, really alone.

What hurt the most, out of everything, was that you and Mark never even talked about it. You never even yelled, or fought, or cried together.

You were over it.

Following Mark, you paced into the bedroom to find him sitting on the bed, on his phone. He looked at you when you came in, but didn’t keep his attention on you for long; not until you grabbed the phone out of his hand and threw it onto the bed, next to him.

“Y/n, he-“

“Yell at me.” Mark was confused at your words.

“what?”

“Yell at me, Mark. Scream, cry, get red, do anything instead of pushing me away and pretending that what happened didn’t,” the tears came before you let them, and Mark stood up with wide eyes, “I’m tired of playing house and ignoring it! I’m tired of living somewhere that I don’t even speak the language, I’m tired of being alone! If you don’t love me, if you hate me, then okay, i’ll hate me too, more than I do now. But i’ll let you go! Please, tell me if you hate me and let me go. Let me go home! That way, I can at least try to heal, o-or something! Please!”

Mark stood there, contemplating his next move. The silence felt deafening, but in it you realized something. You’re relationship truly was over. You didn’t know what Mark was going to say, but it didn’t really matter. Even if he didn’t hate you, he certainly didn’t love you. This was it.

“I can’t.” He finally whispered.

“...you can’t what?”

“I can’t...bring myself to hate you. I look at you, every day, and I want to hate you. I want to blame you, and despise you, but I know doing that, will only let me pretend for a little longer that what happened wasn’t my fault. That it wasn’t me who...” He trailed off, keeping his eyes to the ground.

“Mark, you’re not completely to blame. We both played a part in it. And you might not hate me, but you certainly don’t love me. I think we’re past trying to, heal whatever this is.” Mark nodded in agreement, and plopped back onto the bed. You slowly walked to where he was, and took a seat next to him.

“do you believe in heaven?” Mark finally asked after minutes of silence. You knew Mark was religious, but, you had never talked about it before. And right now, you didn’t think that anything you could say would make him feel better, so instead you stared out the window to your left. You stared at the snowflakes softly hitting the ground, and as the tears continued to flow, you finally let yourself remember that night.

One Year Ago.

Mark was pissing you off. It wasn’t anything new, but it didn’t mean it bothered you any less. You loved the holidays, and the thing that you loved the most about it, was holiday parties. Something about a group of loved ones gathered in good spirits to celebrate each other, really made you giddy. This one in particular was great, because it was an ugly sweater party, and as a gag gift for your third anniversary, you got Mark and yourself matching ugly sweaters. They were to die for, he had a bright red “ketchup” sweater, and yours was a piss yellow “mustard”. You were so excited to show them off - Mark, however, not so much.

“I just don’t understand why you’re so upset about it!” Another sigh came from your mouth as you continued to stare out the car window and to the snow filled streets. The weather was particularly bad this time of year, and you couldn’t even see anything besides the road in front of you and the hazy glow from street lights. It would make someone nervous, had they not grown up around it like you had.

“I’m upset, because I bought ugly sweaters and it’s an ugly sweater party! I don’t get why you’re so embarrassed!” You reasoned with Mark, who refused to wear his ketchup sweater, opting instead for a normal patterned one.

“I don’t even like ketchup! Why’d you give that one to me?”

“Because it’s funny! Right Jaemin?” You turned to look at your friend who currently occupied the backseat of your car. Mark and you only lived across the street from Jaemin, so it made sense to carpool to a party you were all attending. Jaemin, however, began to regret it when you and Mark began to argue.

“No, no, no, don’t bring him into this! Keep my friends out of our business!” You huffed Marks way with an eyeroll as you situated yourself back into your seat.

“Our friends” You corrected Mark under your breath.

“what?”

“I said OUR friends. I hate when you gatekeep the guys.” It was Marks turn to roll his eyes.

“I’m not gatekeeping, i’m just saying.”

“saying what?”

“Well, I mean look at it like this - if we broke up, I would get the guys.”

You looked at Mark in surprise, and even Jaemin could tell this wouldn’t end well.

“If we broke up, huh? You think we’ll break up?”

“What? No-“

“-Over ugly sweaters -“

“ -Y/n, what are you talking about no -“ Mark turned to look at you, as you both started talking over the other in the stupidest fight Jaemin had ever encountered. He could tell one of you struck a chord with the other, and he looked on in horror as he saw what was about to happen while the two of you fought.

Mark had swerved just a bit, he promised up and down that he only took his eyes off the road for maybe a couple seconds. Unfortunately, that’s all the time it needed.

“MARK, WATCH OUT-“

The car had been T-boned on the drivers side, right where Jaemin had been sitting.

He never stood a chance.

You dragged your eyes away from the snow, trying again to forget, and to the side of your partners face, where you found that he was already looking at you with tears forming in his eyes. Wordlessly, you pulled him into a hug, and let his sobs stain your shoulder as yours did his.

Mark was running. He was running from Jaemins death, someone younger than him who had so much life left to live. He was running from dealing with the truth that he was somewhat to blame, and more importantly - Mark was running from what you thought of him. He didn’t want to know, he wanted to pretend that you two hated each other, so that it would be easier to let go.

But you were right, it wasn’t just him that killed Jaemin, and it wasn’t just you. The sooner you two learned that, the sooner you could begin to move on. It wouldn’t be easy, and you know at this point that the most you could get out of Mark is a friendship through shared trauma, but that was okay with you. You were tired of fighting, and tired of wanting to make this work. You just wanted to move on, god, did you want to move on.

[phoenixfire-thewizardgoddess]

What is your opinion on straight passing privilege? I (bi) don’t think it exists, but a close (lesbian) friend of mine insists that it does bc “You can hold hands with your SO (nb cis passing man) in public without risking being the victim of a hate crime.” I have been researching but keep seeing this same argument coming up, and I’m unsure and don’t want to be making anyone upset if I’m being ignorant here.

I think that there's a lot of fucked up internet politics around who is and isn't allowed in the community. Which is ridiculous.

Gay, Lesbian, Bi, Pan, Poly, Ace, Aro, Trans, Intersex, etc.

The only people who shouldn't be in the community are cishets, and pedos, none of that 'it's a sexuality' nonsense, it's predation.

The concept of straight-passing is ridiculous, primarily because it's all based on assumptions. If you're in an m/f relationship, and you are both cis and heterosexual, it's straight.

But here's the catch, if you identify as any LGBPT+ then it's not straight.

Two trans people in an m/f relationship is not straight passing.

Two bi people in an m/f is not straight passing, it's queer babes, it's in the name. If you're bi and your partner is like, straight, it's still queer from your side of the fence.

It's the 'pick a side' argument from another direction, this straight passing nonsense. Where you are villified by the straights if you have a same-sex relationship (or fetishised, let's be real, every part of the acronymn has it's own p*rn category aimed at straight people with a kink), and if you have a relationship with the opposite gendered person, the queer community gets cranky.

Two things:

1) Is this friend between 13 and 25? Bc they could still be working this out or being mentored by t*rfs, or had some bad info. IT could be jealousy or fear of being open where you live. Perhaps you could question what makes her say that; has she had a bad experience, or did someone say this to her. where are you Are you in america? are there snake wielding jesus warriors near you? Blink SOS if you need an escape route, child

2) Who wins when everyone in the queer community is divided and policing one another? Telling everyone off for dating this person or that person or not at all

I didn't get an invite to the big queer conference to make these decisions, so like, they're not valid. It's some pocket of internet active idiots who think they can speak for everyone.

What we need to do is stop pulling this bullshit on one another and get back to asking just why the fuck it's not okay for people who are perceived as not-straight or cis etc to hold hands in public.

There's a problem for every facet of the acronym, babes and dudes and theys. Lesbians are heavily sexualised by straight cis dudes. Gays are heavly fetisihed by straight cis women. to the point where even saying 'I'm gay' is considered to be an obscene, sexual act that you should not let children be exposed to.

And there's always someone from the opposite gender who thinks they 'are confused' or 'haven't met the right (gender) person yet', or 'they could fix them with their magic genitals' or mumbled religious nonsense. There's such intense stereotypes that people can't stand women who look butch, but also you can't 'really' be a lesbian unless you are' or gay men can't just be, like, a normal dude, instead of some flamboyant in-your-face charicature.

Of course people who match the stereotype exist, too. And they get no respect for fitting into the stereptypes either, it's just another reason for disrespect. There's no winning.

Bi's can't talk to anyone without hearing a question of a threesome come up or being attacked from either side for coice of partner.

Pans, same, but also kitchenware jokes. Both Bi and Pan are considered sluts and whores and can't decide or are going to cheat, etc. Or the 'you're being special snowflakes', 'choose a side', 'you're secretly gay and won't admit / you're secretly straight and want attention' etc.

Ace/Aro - everyone under this banner gets the whole 'you just haen't found the right person' or 'when you're older/you're a late bloomer' or 'how do you know?' or 'maybe you're straight/gay and haven't worked it out yet?' invalidating them completely and trying to push sex onto them. The queer community has always let Ace and Aro in under the Bi banner, and they are welcome. But the internet community, usually young people, are tearing each other to shreds over it lmao.

Chill.

Non-binary, trans, intersex. They have been here for ages, but people from one community try to destroy their credibility, despite them existing since humanity has. It's big on p*rn and fetish sites too, lot of straight dudes think these things are hot and sexy, but would spit on trans people in the street. Hypocrites (I mean, every second low-brow comedy movie out there makes a thai-l*dyb*y joke, and how it 'doesn't count' like yikes).

Nb has only just been recognised, which is funny bc society literally made up gender and the rules and pretended that was how its encoded in DNA lmao.

Transpeople have it bad though. Between the cis straights, the cis queer community (primarily t*rfs and those who fall for misinformation) and the fetishists, and the medical community who treats them like an illness rather than people. Like, they are afforded respect if they 'pass', but even then it's still an EW factor.

Transwomen are seen as 'men in dresses who want to break into women's spaces' and treated horrifically; assaults are very high. Transmen are seen as butch women, and 'gender tr*itors' by the Crazy Motherfuckers we mentioned before; their assaults are high. They're not considered Real People unless they meet the ridiculously high standards for each gender; unless they perform Right.

I remember, but did not understand at the time bc I recall i was little, that there was a gameshpw bachelorette style and there was a big twist. You know what the twist was? That the bachelorette they'd been dating and trying to win over... was trans. I don't think that she knew it would be the big twist, either; of the two men remaining, bother were angry and one might have been sick. Might be on youtube.

But like, that's funny to the non-queer community. They put a huge fucking target on this woman's back, put her in danger of being hurt, abused, killed, by anyone who watched it. By the men who she had 'lied to' as they chose to frame it, of their weird white american families who could have sought revenge. Like yikes.

And intersex people (called h*rmaphrodites for a long time even by medical personnel) were also a p*rn category and/or medical curiosity for centuries. Not to mention all the cases of parents who just went with 'make them a (specific gender)' if there was mixed presentation, at birth, and got mad at the kids for being like "Hey so, you flipped the coin wrong and I'm ___" even thought the potential for this was always on the cards.

And the parents often make a big messa bout how their baby ___ is dead and gone, even if they DO accept the person/child as who they really are. It's like, I get it they have changed but you didn't mourn their first haircut or lost baby tooth like this and that was change too, chill.

-

Straight-passing is a projection and a weapon. Like, is it the people in the relationship's fault that society looks at the pair and decides they are m/f, straight and cis? Nah, it's what people are conditioned assume and that's on them.

We can't bring it into the queer spaces and keep perpetuating that shit, because it's nonsense. Queer people are dying in other countries and your friend wants to being smart-assed about the fact you hold hands with your nb datemate in public?

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Nonsense. That's right up there with t*rfs and the gold-star bullshit that was going on for a few years there. Probs still is among the younger people lmaoooo.

'Passing priviledge' is a myth, and it is used to hurt people. Vulnerable people and those who need support / guidance and assistance from their queer communities more than ever. So try to talk to your friend or try The Whole Friend disposal services, either way, chill.

The real issue here is that any of us are at risk of a hate crime for daring to even show affection in public. That even in safe spaces, 'allies' and those wise enough not to be openly homo/trans/bi/pan/ace/aro/other phobic are still side-eyeing you and wanting to talk 'for you' without listening to the community itself.

We have bigger issues than this, and your friend (and some others on the internet) need to get a grip and prioritise.

[Insert strained analogy about being pro-child but childfree in a suburb where everyone got married out of high school and anticipates you and your partner will too, no matter how often you remind them No Thanks. But you babysat the other day and people thought you and your partner looked like 'naturals' when you took child to the park and played with them. And you remind them, hey, chill, we like kids too but it's not for us. And they get pissy and pushy.]

---------

I can only point it out from my perspective, I'm certain there other queer people from the above acronymn community who can present their thoughts on the matter to and what it means to them.

Thanks for the question, good-bi.

[pluto-writes]

Atsushi Nakajima x Reader| Fluff Alphabet

A/N: Umm???? I finished this earlier to celebrate this blog reaching 80 followers but over the weekend I managed to reach 90?? Thank you!!! ♡♡♡ (and a thank you to Mai for helping me with J). 

Words: 2,053

Activities - What do they like to do with their s/o? How do they spend their free time with them?

Atsushi loves to go shopping with you! Going into stores and seeing what they have never fail to amaze him, and he has this cute little shocked face when he sees new things. 

He also enjoys going to the library with you, being able to escape reality for a little bit is calming to him. And he’s able to brush up on his studying too, he knows basic things but there is still much left for him to learn. If he has any trouble reading a certain character he’ll come to you for help. 

Not long after spending time with him, you learned about his liking towards chameleons and decided that you would take him to the zoo for a change in pace. You planned it to be a surprise for him, and couldn’t wait to see his reaction! It was hard to contain your excitement but you managed to pull through and it was worth it.

He got extremely happy you thought of something so special just for him. He was so overjoyed by the gesture a few tears came down on his face. With a gentle motion you wiped his tears away.

“It’s just… It’s just that no one has done this for me before,” He grabbed your wrist with his hand and leaned into your touch, “Thank you, (Y/n)... so much.” 

Beauty - What do they admire about their s/o? What do they think is beautiful about them?

Atsushi admires your kindness above everything else. Growing up, kindness was something he never got, so as an adult he cherishes any generosity he receives. 

He loves your eyes and the story behind them, he can see that you’ve been through stuff in the past but despite all the challenges you still stand tall. How can he not find that beautiful, especially considering he finds himself weak, so he has you to look up to.

Comfort - How would they help their s/o when they feel down/have a panic attack etc.?

If you’re panicking, then he’ll start to panic too. But he’ll think about how he'd want to be treated in that situation, so he’ll wrap his arms around you and hug you till you calm down.

It surprisingly works, his warmth is so comforting and soothes you till your heart beat goes back to normal. He’ll listen to whatever is bothering you and encourage you that you can get through it. He assures you that he’ll be by your side the entire time and that if you get overwhelmed again he’s never too busy for you. 

Dreams - How do they picture their future with their s/o?

He doesn’t have his hopes up too high, he fears that if he asks for too much it’ll be taken away. So for now he’s perfectly content doing domestic everyday things with you.

Others may see that type of future to be rather tame, but he’s never experienced anything like this before so being able to share these tender moments with you is more than he could ask for.

Equal - Are they the dominant one in the relationship, or rather passive?

Atsushi has never dated anyone before you, so he is still learning even while in a relationship. He’s more passive since he doesn’t want to do anything wrong or upset you in any way. He knows that if he messes up you won’t punish him, but that anxiety is still rooted in him. 

At the beginning he lets you take the lead for the most part, but after time and many words of affirmation from you he feels semi-confident to make the first move.

Fight - Would they be easy to forgive their s/o? How are they fighting?

He forgives easily since he believes that he’s in the wrong, and that by apologizing it’ll make you feel better. When you notice this pattern, you tell him that he is not at fault, and that small disagreements are bound to occur.

Fights between the two of you doesn’t happen often, but when it does it’s very awkward and tense. 

Gratitude - How grateful are they in general? Are they aware of what their s/o is doing for them?

Atsushi is very grateful for everything you do for him, sometimes he questions about what he did to deserve you. Everything you do for him is so sincere and full of love he can’t help but cry out of happiness.

Honesty - Do they have secrets they hide from their s/o? Or do they share everything?

He’s as open with you as he can, he doesn’t tell you everything at once but he’ll gradually tell you all there is about him. He doesn’t tell you to seek out sympathy, he just wants there to be someone who he’s able to confide in.

After telling you his past, his heart feels lighter, like one day he’ll be able to let go of all that has happened to him and keep his eyes on the future without anything to hold him back.

Inspiration - Did their s/o change them somehow, or the other way around? Like trying out new things or helped them overcome personal problems?

Being with you has definitely boosted Atsushi’s confidence. Whenever he messed anything up he would blame himself for not being good enough, and that he couldn’t do anything right.

You decided to help him change that type of attitude and told him that he is worth much more that he’s given himself credit for. That even if he doesn’t see it, you do and that you’ll stick by his side till the end. 

Jealousy - Do they get jealous easily? How do they deal with it?

Atsushi doesn’t feel jealousy, if he sees you spending time with someone else more than him he thinks that something like this was destined to happen. That you found someone better than him, and forgot about him.

So when he saw Dazai talking with you, making you smile and laugh he didn’t know what the tug at his heart was at first. Then he saw Dazai whisper something into your ear, which made you cover your face in embarrassment.

Atsushi has never seen you react so strongly like that, of course they’ll be times where he’d get to make you laugh and smile but never to the point where you felt the need to cover your face. He sighs and looks longingly at the two of you. Taking a deep breath he continues the rest of the work day without bothering you. 

You notice this and approach him after work and ask him what’s wrong. When he tells you how he felt, it’s heartbreaking to hear him talk about himself like that.

“You know that I love you Atsushi, right? Please know that I won’t leave you.”

“You tell me that but..” He averts his eyes from yours, he sighs, “it’s hard to believe sometimes. You, dating someone like me...”

“Someone like you?” You echoed. “Of course I’m dating someone like you! I wouldn’t want to be with anybody else.” 

Kiss - Are they a good kisser? What was the first kiss like?

His first kiss with you was very awkward, he was unsure as to what to do and ended up getting tense the moment you leaned in. With time however, he does get better. Though if you catch him by surprise he does react a bit late.

Love Confession - How would they confess to their s/o?

When Atsushi gets the confidence to confess to you, the boy is a blushing mess. While talking to you he keeps stumbling over his words and fidgeting.

You try to listen and comprehend what he’s trying to say but you can’t understand a thing he’s saying.

“Atsushi...” You call out, gaining his attention, “slow down. It’s just me, okay? No need to be so nervous.” You offer him a gentle smile.

He shakes his head, “That’s exactly why I’m nervous… Because it is you. You mean a lot to me, y’know?” He takes a deep breath. “(Y/n)... I like you… a lot.”

That caught you off guard for a second, but you regain your computer and give him a wide smile, “I like you too, Atsushi!”

Marriage - Do they want to get married? How do they propose? What would the marriage be like?

He’s still young, so the idea of marriage hasn’t really crossed his mind. He has to admit though that since being with you it made marriage an achievable dream. 

If you were to marry, you guys would be known as the cutest married couple. In private you make sure to show him tons of affection and he reciprocates it back to you in full.

Nicknames - What do they call their s/o?

He’d call you things like sweetie and sunshine. Atsushi thinks the world of you and he wants to prove it to you.

On Cloud Nine - What are they like when they are in love? Is it obvious for others? How do they express their feelings?

He’s very obvious when he’s in love. He becomes more awkward around you, and stammers a lot. His face is proof too since it gains a lovely shade of red when he talks to you or when anyone mentions you.

He expresses his love by devoting his time to you, as much as he might embarrass himself he doesn’t want to let go of this feeling you gave him. So he spends most of his free time with you, which leads you guys into talking more and then to his inevitable confession.

PDA - Are they upfront about their relationship? Do they brag with their s/o in front of others? Or are they rather shy to kiss etc. when others are watching?

He likes to keep it lowkey with you, he knows that the others are bound to figure it out themselves but he likes to keep what you two have to yourselves. He’s open to lingering touches and hand holding in front of people but any further and he might lose face.

Quirk - Some random ability they have that’s beneficial in a relationship.

Atsushi’s optimism is refreshing, despite the situation you guys are in he always finds a bright side. While it might not come naturally to him, he still tries to see the light no matter how bleak the present may look.

Romance - How romantic are they? What would they do to make their s/o happy? Cliché or rather creative?

He doesn’t think he is but at times he can be unintentionally romantic. He had gotten you flowers one day cause he saw them on his way to work and they reminded him of you. When he gave them to you, you swear your heart was going to explode from how cute he was.

His gestures are somewhere in between, some ideas he’ll get from romance movies or he’ll think up of something that is unique to only the two of you.

Support - Are they helping their s/o achieve their goals? Do they believe in them?

Atsushi is your biggest supporter, and he’ll be sure to let you know every waking morning. He encourages you, and believes in your inner strength. 

It’s also why he likes you so much, you don’t want to let anything hold you back from accomplishing your goals. 

Thrill - Do they need to try out new things to spice up your relationship? Or do they prefer a certain routine?

Atsushi is perfectly fine with how your relationship is currently going. If anything out of the norm happens his anxiety starts to act up. He much prefers when he’s able to anticipate what's to come.

If you want to do something out of your guys’ comfort zone, depending on what it is he’d be more than glad to oblige. All you have to give him a heads up to he can mentally prepare.

Understanding - How good do they know their partner? Are they empathetic?

He tries his best to understand you, he wants to know all there is about you. He’s always been empathetic towards people but with you it’s like your hearts have become one. 

Value - How important is the relationship to them? What is it worth in comparison to other things in their life?

Atsushi cherishes his relationship with you more than life itself, being with you has opened his mind to possibilities he didn’t even know about. You have shown him what being alive is all about and he doesn’t want to lose that feeling. 

Wild Card - A random Fluff Headcanon.

Sometime Atsushi would wake up in the middle of the night from nightmares either about his time in the orphanage or about losing you. He’d wake up in a cold sweat and look over to you to make sure you’re okay. 

When he sees you sleeping peacefully it calms his racing heart just a little bit, he’d lay back down next to you and hold your hands before going back to sleep. He doesn’t wish to bother you with his problems so if possible he’d like to avoid waking you up.

However, there are days where his night terrors do wake you up, but you don’t mind. While he’s apologizing about waking you up, you go into the kitchen to make the both of you some chamomile tea to help alleviate his nerves.

You guys end up talking about whatever is on your minds till you fall asleep.

XOXO - Are they very affectionate? Do they love to kiss and cuddle?

Atsushi loves to receive affection from you. He grew up touch starved so when you show him attention and cuddle with him he’s instantly hooked. 

Depending on his mood he’ll either be the little or the big spoon. When he feels down there’s no better place than being wrapped around in your arms with your hand combing through his hair.

Yearning - How will they cope when they’re missing their partner?

When Atsushi misses you he feels as if he’s missing a part of himself without you. He’ll be sure to keep a part of you with him to look at and remind him how lucky he is to be with you. And in turn he’ll give you a part of himself as well.

Zeal - Are they willing to go to great lengths for the relationship? If so, what kind of?

Atsushi will move mountains for you if you ask him. This boy loves you so much that he’s willing to do anything he can to make you happy.