#bro thinks he's kallus

[barissoffee]

dare I say Rampart glow up?

[sapphic-storm69]

Rebels posting

[stars-n-spice]

Thoughts on s3 ep 13!

fucking hell ya'll,, we're almost at the end of this and I simply can't believe it and don't want to believe it simply because I don't want it to end and I don't see how the fuck they're going to tie up all the loose ends in just the next two episodes.

This time around I recorded my reactions to it and it was a lot of yelling and making really weird noises,, but uh, y'know the drill!

Incoherent screaming (this time for real) and spoilers under the cut!

Click here for the audio recording of my initial reaction

WAAAAAH I DON'T EVER WANT TO SEE OMEGA IN PRISON UNIFORMS AGAIN!!!

i forgot they had that baby up in there,, omg

FUCKIN' WAAGHHh why didn't omega try to like access that hatch thing at night?? wouldn't that have been less risky??

this episode stressed me the fuck out,, I have a headache rn holy fuck

EMERIE I'M ON MY HANDS AND KNEES PLEASE DO SOMETHING

wait how the fuck are they going to get that baby through the chute thingy??

Eva is so precious :( I love her so much

Omega has been in there for like probably a day or something and is already making plans to escape, I love her so much

"That's okay, I like a challenge" AAAAA WRECKER WOULD BE SO PROUD!!

Question: why the fuck do they keep taking samples if they know her blood is compatible??

PHEE COME BACK D:

I better see more of Phee somewhere, anywhere, please, I love her so much your honor

ALSDKF;A I FUCKING FORGOT ABOUT RAMPART LMAOOO

Echo!!!! FUCKING HELL!!!! ECHO <3!!!!!

I missed Echo so much,, this episode really just showed that they couldn't have him in it because he would've gotten things done like five episodes ago because he's just that good

Them keeping Rampart is so funny to me idk

He was such a throw away character to me in the other seasons so I this is so hilarious to me, what a silly, pathetic man I need to see him get chewed up by a space animal or something idk

after all this time it was strange to see Crosshair in the background of things but he was still shoving Rampart around and I loved it

I SWEAR TO GO IF I SEE. Y'ALL THIRSTING FOR RAMPART!!! THAT MAN BOMBED KAMINO Y'ALL BEST REMEMBER WHO THE REAL ENEMY IS!!!

Rampart is basically Walmart Kallus

I swear to god, Hunter is getting shorter

Also looks like Crosshair is filling out :( He's finally getting to eat now :((

THEIR ARMOR ALL BLACKENED OUT??? WHAT A LOOK!!

Crosshair's helmet ESPECIALLY, it looks super cool

RAHHHHHH THAT SUPER LONG SHOT OF HUNTER LOOKING AT HIS BLACKENED OUT HELMET AGGUUGGHHHHH

Felt like I was watching an episode of Rebels due to how they were infiltrating the place

How the FUCK did nobody like,, notice?? insane. imperials are so fucking stupid I love that so much.

"Oh I don't think so" FUCKING AAAAA WOW THAT WAS HOT ECHO I LOVE YOU

WHEN WRECKER WAS JUST CHILLING ON HIS PHONE???? STOP. I'M ALREADY IN LOVE WITH THIS MAN!!!! FUCKING RAAGHHHHH

"Where is your captain?" - "Uh, captaining?" WRECKER MI VIDA!!!!

I've said it 100 times and I'll keep fucking saying it,, everything Wrecker does in this season is pure just,, everything he does is amazing, I love him so much, even in the background, him simply breathing?? Iconic. He better stay breathing.

WHEN HE WAS WEARING THE HAT OF THE GUY HE KNOCKED OUT?!?!? MARRY ME.

I know Rampart is stressed out of his mind LMAO bro is getting out of this with gray hair

"It's the only chance we have of finding Omega and freeing those clone prisoners" WHHHATTTTT HUNTER FINALLY THINKING ABOUT SOMETHING OTHER THAN OMEGA??? NO FUCKING WAY!!!

THE WAY CROSSHAIR WENT "he can't go alone" AFTER ECHO VOLUNTEERED TO SNEAK ABOARD THE SCIENCE VESSEL AAAAHHH i'm going to be sick,,

Crosshair and Echo dynamic my beloved

ECHO SLAY

OH MY BELOVED ARC TROOPER!!!!!!

last stretch of the episode had me so fucking stressed

i'm not ready for the next ones

"Negative" and all the Hunter girlies fell to their fucking knees

that was HOT

and stressful as FUCK

losing my mind

Music was insane, omg loved it

WAAAAAAAAAH I CAN'T BELIEVE IT'S ALMOST THE END

AND FUCKING NOT A SIGN OF TECH???? WHAT THE FUCK

THAT'S NOT FAIR THAT THIS SHOW GETS ONLY 3 SEASONS AND FOR MOST OF IT CROSSHAIR, ECHO, AND TECH ARE BARELY IN IT!!! LIKE WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU MEAN THAT TECH IS ABSENT THE WHOLE FUCKING THIRD SEASON ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?????

makes me fucking sick

they need to give us a whole ass season of all of them together being happy on Pabu I swear to god

this episode made me fucking sick ugh

everything sucks man oh my god

[half-truths-and-hyperbole-louk]

Louk's Bad Batch rewatch part 23 !!!

I'm back batchers rip my sleep schedule lmao but nothing can stop me from watching tbb

I've got my skittles and my tumblr and disney+ and I'm ready to go 🤟

The Bad Batch 2x03

this entire planet looks like it's made of spice

nervous imperial you're not fooling anyone my dude

Tawni Ames 👑 shoutout to the queen herself Tasia Valenza 💕

CORUSCANT !!!

CROSSHAIR 🥺🥲😭💕❤ I missed you sm (I watched s1 hours ago 🤫)

another Kallus parallel 👀

regs will always hate tbb lololol

Rampart 🔫😁(me, I hate his guts)

32 rotations... 32 ROTATIONS I- 😫

the empire are bitches and we don't negotiate with terrorists

the memorial wall 🥲 (we're gonna pretend it isn't a bunch of random letters hehe)

a few behind Crosshair literally say: sdflkphi, dkniihqaz, aweututn, qqhgouer ~ anyone know more aurebesh than me who can explain this pls ??

he called him by his name !!!

CODY CODY CODY CODY 💕💕💕💕👑👑👑👑

Cody's face when Crosshair mentions the jedi 😭

the only two without their helmets on !!!

FLASHBACK TO THE FIRST BAD BATCH APPEARANCE IN TCW 👀

"mmhmmmm" ~ battle droid, bro 💀

"Dooku was right in the end" real

"We always get shot down when we travel with regs" 👀

"How unfortunate... for you" ~ someone else said this and now I can't find it 🙃 anyway I'm pretty sure it was Crosshair idk

the droid high five lmaooo

clever boys 👑

Crosshair and Cody team up will never fail to make me happy 👌

"I've beaten clankers with far less" tbb mention 🥲💕

Cody trusting Crosshair 🥰 "you do make things interesting" I'd love to see early Cody + tbb missions pretty pretty please 🥺

my mans doesn't even flinch !!!!!

I can feel his smirk when he blows up the tank hehe

Cody has a jetpack and still went nah Ican make that jump 😂 I mean he did but still

Cody complimenting Crosshair 💕

WYLER AND NOVA OWN MY HEART FR

droidekas !!!

Wyler r.i.p my love 💔

There is just something about clones vs droids ya know

Crosshair and Nova silent communication I love it 👌

Cody screaming for Nova and Crosshair pulling him away 😭😭😭😭

r.i.p Nova my beloved 💔

Crosshair's discs !!!!

backflip !!!!

knife knife knife knife knife- 👀

Crosshair calling for Cody to help 🙃

KNIFE KNIFE KNIFE KNIFE KNIFE-

Crosshair putting the puck in Cody's hand - bro at first I thought mans was too injured to move the way he was like 'throw it for me I can do it from laying down in this spiral staircase' and he makes the shot and stands up 2 seconds later and is back to committing war crimes ?? Crosshair you dramatic bitch 💀

"nice throw" "nice shot" 🥰🥰🥰🥰

notice how the tk troopers got captured so they send clones to get them out.... 🙃

Mina Bonteri 💔

"peace was never an option" devastating

the clone music when Cody reasons with Tawni 😫🤧

Crosshair following orders but also saving Cody from having to kill Tawni

the Crosshair music 🥲

"so much for peace" 💔

"put her body in the square" but I can imagine how gentle he would have been with her body... do you think he left his helmet off so the people could see his face or did he cover his face for that

Ok I want to go full english teacher for a moment I'll do it in a few eps watch this space 👀

Crossy and his lil toothpick 💕 (he just murdered someone)

the clones did the dirty work now more tk troopers arrive 😡

Cody's whole speech 💔😭 "we make our own choices and we have to live with them too" knowing he's thinking about everything he's done and thinking he killed Obi-Wan... what if I screamed into the abyss ???

Crosshair not being able to sleep 😫

Rampart doesn't even know their names 😡

OKAY do we think "gone awol" means Cody has actually left or is he awol the same way Wilco is??

COME ON CROSSHAIR JUST LEAVE THE EMPIRE ALREADY 😫

hehe thank you for coming to my 2am tbb rewatch (again hehe) 💕 sorry it's late again if you saw any spelling miatakes no you didn't 🤟

[clownery-and-fuckery]

DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NAME/HAVE THE LINK TO THIS ONE VERY SPECIFIC KALLUZEB FANFICTION THAT I HAVE BEEN LOOKING FOR FOR FOREVER AND CANT FIND IT.

LIKE I CANT FIND IT ANYWHERE BUt the way Kallus was written was just chefs kiss so beautiful and Zeb was just amazing too and all I can really remember is they had to infiltrate this place and used Zeb as a prisoner but they put this weird sensory deprivation thing on him and it went wrong and they couldn't find him bc they were brought somewhere else and Kanan found him and oH THERE WAS A KID???? I can't remember why or who it was I THINK it was a baby Lasat and Zeb took a little nap with them and Kallus was like "...I will kill for you." And then he DID bc this evil slave dude was ALSO THERE and like- STOLE zeb and bad things happened and when Kallus got his hands on him with Kanan he was like "bro you're going to DIE" and he released ALL his Imperial training on this dude and that was like chapter 28 and i can't remember much else but if you know what I'm talking about I'm BEGGING YOU for a link I need to finish this fic ASAP so my brain can stop zooming at 3am every night.

[darlin-djarin]

Lowkey hate Kallus’ redemption tbh. It’s clear they weren’t intending to redeem him at the beginning and the clunky retcons required to make it work are just… tone deaf, tbh. “You can’t judge all Lasats as the same” “What about all Imperials” and Zeb doesn’t point out how stupid the logic is like bro just pulled a Blue Lives Matter and you don’t have an answer to that???? Also like. This dude bragged about personally massacring Zeb’s people and now he’s like “just kidding?” Come on now. I mean Star Wars has done worse but still

BRO JUST PULLED A BLUE LIVES MATTER HEKP 😭😭😭💀💀 IM HOLDING BSCK TEARS oh god. you do definitely have a point. i’ve seen many people say his redemption was the best in star wars and i couldn’t really say anything then bc i hadn’t watched it. even now, i can’t really say anything bc i haven’t gotten much past that episode but i do definitely agree that kallus’ reasonings were kinda off, and clearly his thinking isn’t the greatest when it comes to that. STILL, i appreciate the fact that he IS getting a redemption, even as a facist, bc everyone deserves to get a second chance and fix things etc etc yada yada all that jazz. maybe not a well executed redemption (idk yet, we’ll see) but a redemption nonetheless. i still dislike how much he bragged about the massacres and he absolutely does not need to be forgiven for what he’s done but it’s good that he’s starting to see through the empire’s lies and it’s good he’s starting to make an effort anyway. i’ve only seen one other person hate on kallus’ redemption before, and again, i didn’t really have an opinion then. i’ll probably come back to this once i finish up rebels though. 🤷‍♂️ slightly questionable on the authors’ part.

[littleladymab]

#87 for Kalluzeb (I miss them)

ok................................ ok.

87 - "My Immortal" by Halocene

Bro I've been trying to think of a good answer for this and I think the best answer is just: This would just be the Beauty and the Beast AU that we've talked about. That's the only thing I can think of.

So for the audiences at home:

Kalluzeb Beauty and the Beast AU is something Kaite and I came up with over a year ago (I checked our chat history, it was March 2022). Kallus is the Beast in this scenario because he's like, space nazi at the top and has to unlearn a lot of shit and learn how to let himself be a good person and be loved, etc etc and also we're not here for people who like to make the non-humans in SW into "feral" or "beasts" especially when compared to their human counterparts because enough of y'all do that, stop it.

I don't think I ever decided if it would be like, in a fantasy setting with a castle and all, or if it was still Star Wars setting and so like, on an imperial star destroyer or at the academy or whatever. But in lieu of talking furniture, Kallus instead has: kids. Sabine and Ketsu, Wedge, Jai, and Zare, and sure Ezra can be there too. And these kids are versions of themselves having been left under the empire's thumb, however it looks here. This is a Sabine that never got out after creating the duchess. This is an Ezra who has always been alone and enlisted just because he had no other option. And Kallus like "okay I might be a space nazi but I'm not TOTALLY heartless" and does help make these kids' lives a little better, but he's still got that knowledge of what he did on Lasan rattling around in the back of his brain.

(Canon timelines? don't know her.)

We come up with some theories about what if Kallus was cursed after Lasan or Onderon and then it was back to "is this magic magic? is this a metaphorical curse? what is happening?

Anyway, we never did figure out how to fit Zeb.... into this actual Kalluzeb plot.

[lasats-are-lovely]

Okay...

Now that I've finished Star Wars: Rebels and have actually gotten the chance to form my own opinion and find my own problems with the show, here is my biggest problem with it:

It wasn’t long enough :)

[silvercaptain24]

Fic Masterlist!

Hey guys! This... hasn't been updated in a bit, sorry. I'll try to get on that soon, but in the meantime, here! I've written a litany of fics (many of them Warriors-centric) and there's links in here! (There's not really a rhyme or reason to how these are organized, but they're here!)

Suspended Grieving:

https://archiveofourown.org/works/34855603

My first fic! Also the one where Talon is a great dad and Legend needs hugs.

The Ranchhouse AU series:

https://archiveofourown.org/series/2603482

The Ranchhouse AU! (Just linking the entire series here.)

Featuring: family, suspense, Legend being a bunny magnet, frying pans, Time making a big mistake, and Christmas shenanigans. Also death once you get to the main fic (but only one).

Storm Song:

https://archiveofourown.org/works/35130904

A music fic with my OC!

The City of Light and Dark:

https://archiveofourown.org/series/2911206

The 1980’s ish- while-also-being-mixed-with-LOZ-AU! Aka, never listen to the Tangled soundtrack while thinking about Aladdin and being into LU and Newsies. Featuring Warriors being Rapunzel, Twi and Blue being Newsies, Time and Malon being fantastic as always, and Legend being a softy.

The Winged Warrior:

https://archiveofourown.org/series/2808565

Wars has wings because of Cia. Of course, he doesn’t want anyone to know about them. This leads to all sorts of problems…

Traitor:

https://archiveofourown.org/works/36645646

Wars has problems with traitors… so then what happens when he thinks that he is one? (Aka, Wars needs a hug.)

Masks and Ash:

https://archiveofourown.org/works/37395742

Genderswapped Cinderella AU, ft. Time as Cinderella (Aka Mask) and Malon as the Princess, Wind being an awesome younger brother, and Wars being the eternally exhausted older brother.

Legend of the Song of Storms:

https://archiveofourown.org/works/37777522

(One of my favorite stories!) Modern AU, Time and Wars as biological brothers, and their story as told through the times Time told the Legend of the Song of Storms.

Protection of the Woods:

https://archiveofourown.org/works/37816828

Sadness. So much sadness. But also Dad Time!! You should definitely read it while listening to the recommended song for the right mood.

When A Warrior Needs Time:

https://archiveofourown.org/series/2897478

My most popular series!! Ft. Lots of Dad Time, Warriors getting hugs, the rest of the Chain being protective , Time being a gremlin, and Mama Malon.

Freed:

https://archiveofourown.org/works/39452202

A continuation of @bokettochild ‘s Bottled! The aftermath of Hyrule getting freed, Warriors blaming himself, and hugs.

Wars and the Great Fairy Kidnapping:

https://archiveofourown.org/works/39015906/chapters/97593510

Warriors gets kidnapped by a Great Fairy. There’s lots of angst.

A Soldier’s Mask:

https://archiveofourown.org/works/40218765

A trope swap where Wars may be a knight, but he doesn’t like it because of the knights of his world. (Read the tags on this guy!!! I don’t want anyone getting hurt.)

A Simple Touch:

https://archiveofourown.org/works/40335648

Fluff!! Warriors getting hugs, and Legend being a softy.

Eyes Wide, Cold and Numb:

https://archiveofourown.org/works/40445358

Hypothermia fic! Hypothermia fic! Hypothermia fic!

Help Required:

https://archiveofourown.org/works/39673845/chapters/99321237

Warriors has a problem with asking for help. The others are here to help!!

Brothers in Arms:

https://archiveofourown.org/works/40597032/chapters/101713254

A three part fic with my favorite whump tropes! Also my favorite bro trio!

Star Wars Fics:

From Bahryn to Yavin:

https://archiveofourown.org/works/40445781

A look at Kallus’s arc, from Bahryn to Yavin 4.

[hamartia-grander]

A, E, F, H, K, R, S, T, X, Z! Go wild <3

Mar I love you to death thank you <333

A - Ships that you currently like a lot: I'm currently obsessed with simarkus, reed900, and Hank and Connor's father-son familial relationship in DBH; also Ethan Winters' polycule (Heisenberg, Chris, and Mia) in Resident Evil.

E - Have you added anything cracky/hilarious to your fandom? If so, what?: I don't think so? I mean I wrote a semi crack fic for DBH on tumblr a few months ago but idk if that counts cause it was technically only one paragraph of crack. Behind the scenes, however, I'm writing scripts for a crack Resident Evil short film and a crack Detroit: Become Human Brooklyn 99-esque show. Those won't greet the public for a long time though, if at all.

F - What’s the longest you’ve ever been in a fandom?: Technically star wars has been a constant fandom since I was 6 thanks to my f*ther, but it's such a big franchise with so many different parts it's kinda like having fandoms within fandoms. I.e, I have my clone wars phases, my sequel trilogy phases, my mandalorian phases, rebels, the games, the books, that kinda thing. The Mandalorian and the Sequels were the longest though, lasting several months. Same with DBH, I've been in that fandom since last November which is crazy for me. (same length of time as my dincobb era,,,)

H - What is your favorite source text for fandom stuff (e.g., TV shows, movies, books, anime, Western animation, etc.)?: It used to be books, and I do still love reading books, but I think shows and games are my #1 favourites now. With my declining attention span those are about the only things I can latch onto easily.

K - What character has your favorite development arc/the best development arc?: AGENT KALLUS FROM STAR WARS REBELS. I lived his development arc, the metaphor being that my parents are the empire and the ISB is conditioned homophobia, the Rebels being the Gays, etc etc. For that reason it was so incredible and refreshing to get to see a character go from having a conditioned and ignorant perspective to breaking free of that because of one catalyst who made him question everything he thought he knew. And then, not only does he break free of it, he actively fights back against it, risking his life so many times to gather intel for the Rebels and keep them safe. And then when he finally gets to join them he is just the most dedicated, intelligent, strong willed fighter and he listens to others. He doesn't wallow in self pity over being a former imperial; he works to undo the harm he caused, he moves forward, he asks forgiveness but doesn't need it to change, and he forms strong friendships (and in one case a relationship) with the people he used to fight. It's beautiful and I love him so much.

R - Which friendship/platonic relationship is your favorite in fandom?: I love Hank and Connor's father-son relationship with my whole heart. Found family is my shit. Same with the Jericrew, and Kara Alice and Luther. DBH has some excellent found family content. I also love fics/headcanons where Gavin and Connor are Best Bros. And speaking of Rebels, that is a show full to the brim of found family. I feel like Dave Filoni also has some familial trauma or something bc all of his shows have intense found family themes (clone wars, rebels, bad batch, the mandalorian) which like good for him

S - Show us an example of your personal headcanon: In Resident Evil I headcanon that [SPOILERS] Ethan survives obviously and that he is in love with Mia, Chris, and Heisenberg bc I love them all and he deserves all the love. Also yk most of what I like about Gavin Reed are either things Neil Newbon (his VA) has said about him or my own headcanons.

T - Do you have any hard and fast headcanons that you will die defending?: Connor from DBH is asexual and aromantic and I will die on this hill. Also Ethan Winters from RE is bi polyamorous. Also also Chris Redfield is a Gay Man but that's kinda technically canon too. Poe and Finn Dameron are married. Gavin Reed is gay and a dog person (Neil confirmed ;). Hank and Connor are father and son but that is canon, I just unfortunately have to defend it from fans who are gross. Also so many characters are trans: Gavin Reed, Ethan and Mia Winters, Leon Kennedy, Heisenberg, Lady Dimitrescu, Chloe North Josh and Rupert from DBH, Han Solo, I could go on.

X - A trope which you are almost certain to love in any fandom: I'm an absolute slut for fake dating/relationship to lovers. I'm sure a therapist could explain why but I sure can't. Idk why it has such a hold on me but I promise if a fic's got a fake relationship trope I'm gonna love it. Just the mutual pining and complete dumbassery, the tension, the yearning, the denial, it's like actually addicting for me. There's not enough of it.

Z - Just ramble about something fan-related, go go go!: It's crazy the amount of entitled fans there are, especially on this site. And I mean, anywhere from fans who invade the privacy of the actors/creators they're fans of, to fans who shit on the things other people love or actively go out of their way to be rude to other fans who are just enjoying something. When I dislike things in fandoms, I block the tags and I do not interact. I don't want to see it so I don't go looking for it. But there are fans that think they have the right to go into other people's safe spaces and attack them for any opinion that are different from theirs. Chill tf out y'all. You're not entitled to other people's privacy, to their opinions, to their content, etc. You are entitled to stfu and leave. So do that.

On a lighter note, I've made such wonderful friends through fandoms who have made all the shitty people absolutely worth it. I love y'all💜💕

[reythemandalor]

ghost crew + thranto as terrible riverdale quotes

Kanan Jarrus: Nice haircut. Looking extremely DILFy today

Hera Syndulla: On your feet solider boys! We are going to war.

Ezra Bridger: I had to drop out of the 4th Grade, to run drugs, to support my nana

Sabine Wren: Luckily I was able to get to my archery set and hunting cape.

Thrawn: I’m no expert but it doesn’t sound like he's a serial killer, kinda just sounds like he’s a lonely gay guy

Eli Vanto: In case you haven't noticed, I'm weird. I'm a weirdo. I don't fit in and I don't want to fit in. *points to his cowboy hat* Have you ever seen me without this stupid hat? That's weird

Zeb: We're not gonna kiss in front of this whole town. So why don't we both just do that bro thing, where we nod like douches and mutually suppress our emotions?

Kallus: I was born alone. I'll die alone. I'll sing alone. I'll be okay

Chopper: I think he's crazier than a serial killer on bath salts.

[that-one-weeb-but-starwars]

Halloween Headcannons yet its Mostly every single star wars character

Note: i had too much fun with this- BUT BRO I WATCHED THE HALLOWEEN KILLS MOVIE DAMN IT WAS- BRO THAT ENDING-

warnings: spoopy, swearing, Kylo Ren and Omega becoming friends,

Masterlist

-LETS GOOO

-everyones stuck in one mf massive haunt house attraction

-Obi-wan and Hondo get stuck in the maze of glass together getting chased by a clown

A chained up clown: "GET ME OUT OF HERE!"

Luke: fuck no you look like someone I know though

Leia unamused: really?

Luke: what I was gonna say Han

-kylo Ren gets stuck with Omega and they get ropped into terroizing everyone and they enjoy it a little too much

-Din won't go in because he's afraid Grogu will get shared

-Fennec kicks Din in bc if shes going all them mfs are going

-It was ment to be a nice date for Padame and Anakin: but there was a red hallway with smoke (oh you know whats about to happen)

-Fives gets so scared when turning a corner he runs into Fox and theres a fight

-thorn and Echo are so done with there partners that they're pretty straight faced during the whole thing

-Nala Se waits outside like a worried mother

Crosshair and Hunter: walks down a hall

Omega screaming: NO! DON'T EAT ME!

-they ran down that hallway like sonic tf headgehog

-Kylo ren eating massive gummies with alot of fucking cherry blood like it Omegas organ

Crosshair: UH FUCK NO- *runs the other way dragging Hunter along bc bros dont leave bros behind*

-Omega and Kylo ren high fiving because that shit was priceless

-Wrecker busy having a tea party and eating sewing kit cookies with a ghost

-Lando not knowing whats happening as he runs after Ashoka who told him if they run through it fast enough they cant get scared, and procceds to trip over his cape

-Chewbacca knockin actors out of reflex

-Jar Jar binks scaring Qui Gon Jin

-Grevious: nothing scares me

Clown: hello

Greviois: one thing scares me

-Maul w/ Feral and Savage thinking there not gonna get scared and book it the fuck out

-Rey tripping on every single wire physically possible

-Bobba laughing as they jumpscare him because hes been through so much that, that shit dont scare him

-jango: bro you good

Bobba: Dad?!

Jango: what no- But I am your death wish *activates chainsaw*

Bobba: oh shit-

-Mace Windu and Bobba end up getting stuck together

-Plo going through with matching halloween coustumes with the wolf pack

Plo: please dont scare my kids they'll swing

Boost and Sinker: OH FUCK YEAH WE WILL

-Tech walks through the whole thing on his data pad

-Count Dooku and Palpatine being so old there not aloud in the house because liabilities

-Omega and Kylo Ren get icecream after terroizing everybody

-Satine: Yes I swing both ways, with a bad COME GET SOME MF

-Satine leads Obi-wans battalion like a mother hen and there all grateful

-Tup and Dogma accidentally walked the wrong way, and somehow ended up in the peopled actual house

-Rex, Kix, Wolfee, Jeese? Yeah? They're home like reasonable people watching movies, eating halloween candy Wolffe accidentally scared some kid for just because of his eyes

- Rex: You think the generals are still alive?

The three looking at Rex the at each other: no

-Battledroids throw there own little halloween bash in the basement

-Gregor's the one who owns the house: hes the one who decorated

-Delta squad helps scare everybody

-Tarkin and Rampart walking through

Clones, anyone really including me: OH HO HO HO! BITCH GETTIN MICHEL MYERS SLAUGHTERED TO NIGHT

-Hux walks through with his cat on his shoulder, hes dressed as a witch

-crime syndicate tps peoples houses

-R2DR electorcuting people who scare him

-Kanan and Hera being too cute of a couple for people to scare

-Zeb and Chopper dont even bother

-ezra and thrawn arguing over everything, Sabine handcuffed them together

-Sabine spray painting a skeleton head

-Kallus vibin with all the horror actors

-howzer scaring the shit out of the Synudllas

-obi-wan and Hondo still stuck together

-Omega and Kylo ren exchanging animal crossing ids (okay im getting off track here)

-most cant sleep now, for about a week

Tag list: @monako-jinn-stories @reader3

[sstar-nerd]

Tbh my fav Rebels characters are ordered on who is more likely to set cereal on fire and I think that’s wonderful.

Chopper- he would add fuel instead of milk. Not on accident though. He does it to mess with Zeb and Ezra.

Kallus- this man has been eating rations his whole life he can’t make ANYTHING edible. He gets points for effort tho even when he’s a walking disaster. Sometimes just eats his burnt meal in defeat.

Sabine- she doesn’t set the cereal on fire as much as she constantly has bomb material on her hands that catch near the stove sometimes.

Zeb- we watched him have those waffles once so he can probably cook better than some of the others. He can be clumsy though as the utensils are too small most of the time.

Hera- she has the brain cell out of everyone. Doesn’t mean she won’t sleep deprive herself and burn her dish.

Ezra and Kanan are banned from the kitchen. Bros don’t even get a CHANCE

[fallenrepublick]

Yoh, u back, girl. So glad to see it 😔✌️

So, um, can I make a request? I dunno, for the Chiss bros + Eli and Kallus? Perhaps with the Zabraks brothers? I don't know, you choose, baby.

The thing is, I used to have suicidal thoughts a few years ago, and I actually tried to kill myself a few times (not to worry, I go to therapy and nowadays I don't think about killing myself anymore 😔✌️), but I do still have some scars from those days.

So, um, how would they react if they found out about the scars? Would they ask? Would they ignore it? Would they hug you and make you some cookies with hot cocoa? 🥺

Have a nice day, darling!

Absolutely, here you go!

Thrawn is a listener by design. He of course notices before you say anything, but won’t bring it up. You’d tell him about it when you’re ready.

And when you are ready, when you show or tell him on your own terms, he nods, silent, contemplating. If allowed, he may gently trace his fingers along the marks.

“We all have our history,” he says lowly, watching his own hand before glancing up, meeting your eyes. For a moment, you can’t tell what he’s thinking. But his expression changed. What had before been interest and thoughtful glances is replaced by... understanding. “Everything changes with time... As will these. But I will be here. With you. That, at least, will never change.”

And Thrass has bittersweet reactions to the markings. To think, that there had been a time when you had done such a thing purposefully, it hurts him even to imagine it. Oh how he wishes he had been there, how he would give anything to change it.

And yet, you’re here. You can still place your hand in his, can accept his touch, his love. He’s grateful for these markings, if only as a sign that things are different, that you have healed and can still be with him.

When you tell him, he pulls you to his chest. He knows you trust him enough to explain it all by now, and he thanks you silently for it, for being here to tell him. He wants to give you everything, that much he’s already known for a while, but he swears to you, and to himself, that he will make you feel loved every second of every day.

Eli does ask, as he’s curious by nature. He doesn’t want to leave a single stone unturned, and though it’s frankly poor form to be so forward about it, he feels that it’s a fairly large stone to leave unturned.

So you tell him. And he listens. His eyes never leave your face when you speak. He may ask a few questions when you’ve finished, if only to set a few things straight. But really, he’s there, simply for the sake of knowing you, and he offers something himself.

“Ya know...” he says, albeit a bit hesitantly. “I used to think that... your plans have to be set in stone. And if things didn’t work out the way you wanted, that was it. Everything’s ruined. But... if being here has taught me anything... I guess it would be that sometimes, when things don’t work out, maybe it’s because you were meant for something better. Maybe... it’s because you’re meant to be somewhere else.” He smiles. And you think that he just might be onto something.

But Kallus is shocked. He doesn’t notice them until you directly tell him about it, simply because he’s not the most perceptive person. But his first instinct upon finding out is downright worry, and he listens intently as you speak, barely even breathing as you go.

His silence is a solemn one, as if still worried for your well being. He kisses the backs of your hands when you’re finished. He thanks you. For telling him. For trusting him. And after a moment, he brings you something warm and drapes a blanket around your shoulders. You lean into him in return. And he’s glad.

Maul... Maul understands. He understands more than anyone. But such a thing pains him to find out. How could the world be so cruel that it caused you, someone so good, so loving, to feel such a way? How could it make you suffer in ways worse than he had?

He holds you as you tell him, and he finds himself split. His love for you overtakes half of him. He wants nothing more than to give you all his love, to shower you in his adoration and protection. And the other half is bitter resentment. This world, this reality. How dare it? How dare it harm you this way? He finds himself wishing to destroy the worlds that caused you pain once, to create something new that would show you only happiness.

But still, you’re here in his arms. You’re healed, in much the same way you’d managed to heal him. He rubs gently at your skin. This, at least for now, will do just fine.

[moonsaberfamily501st]

Waiting for You

A gift fic for my dear friend @welcometoaurorashell

It had been a long two months for Torch. Ever since his special girl, Aya Kallus, left on her mission, poor Torch had been completely and utterly sad. He knew it was for the Rebellion and it was important. But his heart just couldn't take being without his girlfriend.

The half Clone would go around doing his duties with no problem. But it was clear that he was just drowning himself in work to take his mind off Aya. It helped for the most part. However, when one of his friends or family would force him to rest, his thoughts were always of his favorite brunette. The ex-Imperial who stole his heart.

Today, Torch sat in his room feeling miserable. It was his twin's turn to make him sleep that night and Runa played no games when it came to her younger twin brother. So there lay Torch on his bed while Runa sat in front of the door to keep him from leaving.

"I know you're upset, bro. But do you really think Aya would want you to be killing yourself over her being absent?" Runa tried to reason with him.

"For the love of the Maker. I know." Torch groaned and covered his eyes with his arm. "But its just so hard. I love her so much. Being without her is like not being able to breathe."

Runa nodded in understanding. She knew what that felt like. When Ezra went through his "Sith Phase", she rarely saw him. It hurt her to her core. And being Torch's twin and Force Sensitive, she knew exactly how he was feeling. It was hurting her to see her brother like this

"Torch I understand. I do. But do you really want Aya to come back and find you looking like you haven't been taking care of yourself? She'd be heartbroken. Do you really want to do that to her?"

Torch was silent for a moment. "...no..." He muttered.

"Then rest." Runa urged.

Torch sighed and turned on his side. It took him some time to slow his current of thoughts before drifting off to sleep.

In his dreams, Torch did what he always did: spoil Aya. It was always the same. He'd cook Aya her favorite food, lothrat pie, and tend to her every whim. Of course, Aya never asked to be spoiled. Torch simply did it because that's how much he loves her. He wants her to feel special every single day. And he'd move Heaven and Hell just for her.

In the dream, Torch chose to just sit and hold onto Aya in his lap. One arm was around her shoulders while the other kept her close by her waist. He held on for dear life. Fearing that if he loosened his grip, Aya would disappear for good.

"I love you so much." Torch said to his dream girl. "I hate when we're apart. It hurts so much. You don't know what you do to me, Aya. I thought my life was all about being Runa's twin and protecting her. But you've opened new doors for me and gave me more meaning in my life. You're the most important person to me know. So please come back already. I'm losing my mind without you here. I love you too much." Torch kissed the top of her head with all the love he had. Even asleep, his heart was aching. All he wanted, more than anything, was to hold Aya in his arms and tell her how much he loved her.

Torch awoke from his sleep. Runa stood over him with some food. Torch made a face. Remembering that Runa can't cook. "No thanks."

"Shut up, runt. Mom cooked this."

"Oh. That's okay then." Torch slowly sat up and accepted the food. "Thanks."

"Don't thank me. Its my job to take care of you. I'm your sister."

"Don't treat me like a child."

"We're not having that fight again, dummy. Eat, then shower. You smell like Dad after a mission."

"I heard that!" Rex's voice could be heard outside the door, causing the twins to chuckle.

Torch quickly ate before going to the fresher. He stood there under the water as he thought about Aya again. He thought about running a nice hot bath for her. She would probably be exhausted by the time she returned and he wanted to help her relax. He'd need to get a few things to cook some lothrat pie for her. Maybe make some ice cream or cake for her. Or both. He could sit her down and brush her hair while they talked. He loved the conversations they shared. They were precious. Perhaps if Aya was in the mood, Torch could share sweet kisses with her and show her with his very being how much he loved and missed her while she was gone. Yes. Yes. That could work. Anything to let Aya know just how much he loved her.

When Torch exited the fresher in just a towel, Runa was waiting for him. He flicked some water at her. "Quit waiting outside for me. Just because we're twins and have taken bathes together, doesn't mean we have to see each others bodies."

Runa rolled her eyes. "By the Force. I don't care about your body. I see Ezra's whenever I can. But that's not important. Right now anyway. Aya will be arriving tonight."

Torch had been ignoring most of what his twin said up until that point. His eyes widened in disbelief. Not really trusting his ears for a second. "W-w-what?"

Runa handed him some clothes. "Aya returns tonight."

Torch couldn't speak. He didn't waste time speaking. He ran to his room to get dressed and got things ready for his girlfriend.

A few hours later, Torch had food ready in his room for Aya. He had the fresher ready in case she wanted a bath. He'd changed the sheets on his bed so she'd be comfortable. Everything was ready.

His comm beeped and got his attention. He didn't answer. He just knew. He ran out of his room to join the other Rebels in welcoming back the crew who went on the mission. Torch had to push a few out of the way to get to the front. Unfortunately, he fell when he attempted to push another person. He grunted as he stood up...

Then there she was. She looked unharmed. She looked just as she did when she left. She still looked so beautiful in his eyes. Torch immediately ran up to Aya and embraced her.

"Aya... I've missed you so much... I love you..." Torch told her before kissing the top of her head.

[tattersofthequeen]

Buried Treasure: A Love Story

Inspired by the true, hilarious, story of Pharaoh Tutankhamen. I kind of ran out of steam near the end but WHATEVER I’M TIRED OF LOOKING AT IT.

-----

Alisdair Massom wanted to go home.

The wind whined through the trees bordering the oasis. It smelled of baked stone and desiccated plant matter. The desert wasn't all one kind of landscape, instead ranging from stony hills to pure sand. The ground wasn't as pleasant to sit in as one might suppose: since this wasn't dune country, it was hard as rock beneath a layer of sand, dust, and pebbles.

He scrubbed at his nose with his sleeve, trying to stifle another racking sneeze, and only succeeded in smearing more grime across his face. Everything out here was dusty, from the tents to the people, unless it was flooded. His neck itched abominably where it met the collar of his khakis; he suspected he was starting to get a rash.

On paper, the idea had been thrilling: a month-long trip with Cat, excavating the tomb of a long-dead Egyptian king, had set his imagination on fire. He still remembered sneaking into the Cineplex with her as children and huddling in the dark, her warm hand in his, staring wide-eyed up at the midnight showings of The Mummy's Curse, or Antony and Cleopatra. The glow of the screen had made her face look like an illuminated sky.

He wondered if she knew how many of those trips had just been an excuse to spend time with her, braving his worries that somehow they'd be found out. He wondered if they meant as much to her as they had to him.

The fact that their flight left at an unholy hour of the night, and their assigned seats were three rows apart, ought to have tipped him off that the excursion wouldn't measure up quite as well as he hoped. The fact that he had barely been outside of the same area code, much less the country, should have been another. Still, even after the abundance of forms, the interminable waiting for passport clearance, and the mad scramble for the gate (huffing and puffing under the weight of Cat's luggage), his enthusiasm remained undampened. He'd rested his head against the window of the plane for most of the ten-hour flight, picturing golden idols glittering in the dark, his name in the papers over an unprecedented find, Ca'tra flinging herself into his arms in celebration.

The reality -as he discovered almost from the moment their plane hit the tarmac- was less glamorous.

"Having fun yet, bro?" Archi called, his back set nonchalantly against the trunk of a dead tree. He had to shout a little, to be heard over the clinking of chisels and the calls of the archaeologists gathered in the dig site. Unlike Alisdair, he seemed entirely unbothered by the dirt and the relentless heat, idly juggling a handful of dried dates. Not waiting for the answer, he softballed one at Alisdair's face with a jovial cry of 'catch'.

"Oh, yeah." Alisdair rolled his eyes expansively, and tried to fumble the date into his mouth and not the sand. "Between the bugs and the dirt and the saliva, I don't think I'm ever going to want to go back. How are you not dying of heatstroke?"

Archi rolled his head back with a long belly laugh, slapping his hands against his midsection loudly enough to make the camels shift and grumble in complaint. His grin was a half-moon glow of chemical white against dark, tanned skin. "Oh my god, you should have seen your face, man! I don't think I've ever seen that much spit come out of anything!"

Alisdair folded his arms huffily across his midsection, his face warming as he hunched his shoulders. "It's funny when you're not the one who spent all night cleaning mucus out of your hair," he muttered, and cast a baleful eye at the offending camel. It chewed placidly on the missing lower third of his sleeve, and stared unblinkingly back, daring him to provoke a rematch. The blond's frown deepened, and he shuffled another cautious step toward the dig. Just to be safe.

"Have you seen Cat at all?" he asked. Other than shifting the topic away from his recent humiliation, he'd barely seen her at all since they arrived. It seemed like they'd only just gotten through customs before Tenax- before Professor Almaizan had smarmed his way in ahead of him, and chivvied off his 'field assistant' to discuss the itinerary for their trip.

No matter where he turned, it seemed, their chaperone was always there, watching him intently with sharp amber-gold eyes and full lips quirked in what the younger man was sure was contempt. He could barely get a bloody word in edgewise with her, much less an invitation to sit with her at dinner, or maybe to hold her hand- to help her across the street, of course; God knew what these people spent their money on but it clearly wasn't city upkeep. Any time he'd tried to steal his way up to the second floor of the hotel, where the girls were rooming, Tenax had blocked the way with an unctuous smile and a long, elegant, firmly barring leg. "Terms of the contract," Alisdair's ass.

Worse, all she ever seemed to talk about anymore was how excited she was to be working with the creepy old foreign professor, and how much help he'd been with her thesis. She barely even glanced at the blond youth when he'd squawked in pain at the temperature of the Turkish coffee- much less listened to his concerns.

Alisdair kicked at the sand, his lips pursing at the memory. It simply wasn't fair.

Archi shrugged, pulling his attention back to the present as he nodded across the base camp to the foot of the tomb. "Hasn't come out since they started, I guess." He cast a long, sly glance at Alisdair's dissatisfied fidgeting, freeing a tattooed hand to smooth his beard back into shape. "I mean, she's probably having the time of her life, right? Did you know she licks the rocks she digs up?"

"She does not!" Alisdair gasped, scandalized, his eyes wide. He gave the sand pile another kick, for good measure, sending an industrious dung beetle scuttling for cover.

"Oh yeah, bro, she totally does. Rocks. Bones. AND all those little brushes. She just sticks 'em in her mouth." Hand raised, fingers together, Archi moved his chin up and down behind his hand in a slow, wicked nod. "I've seen her do it. Go check if you don't believe me. Bet she's already licked your old man's shaving whisk."

Alisdair thought about the possibility for a moment, toeing at the sand. There was something under there, he thought, shifting under his boot. He hoped it wasn't a scorpion. "Man," he said at last, "it doesn't even matter if she did. It's not like he ever uses it." Despite the gentle nudges he and his mother had given, the senior Kallus' facial topiary continued to grow, and the expensive father's day gift gathered dust in the bathroom cabinet.

"God." Archi's face scrunched like one of the dates he was juggling. "Do you think he's got.... you know, a second sideburn growing on his chest or something? Just.... taking everything over?"

"Oh," Alisdair shuddered, wishing -not for the first time- that his parents had elected to install a second bathroom. "He does, actually. It's a whole thatch. Thanks so much for reminding me."

A date rebounded off his shoulder as Archi missed his toss with a look of horrified glee.  "Bro, are you fucking serious? Are there pictures?!" His grin widened until it threatened to eclipse his face, visions of blackmail dancing in his head.

Alisdair rolled his eyes, stooping to retrieve the fruit. It wasn't a conscious decision: years of hearing his mother's vendetta against litter had him moving almost mechanically. He wasn't even sure where to throw it once he had it; it wasn't as if an Egyptian desert had compostables bins lying around. His fingers closed around the date, and brushed against the object he'd felt before, just under the sand.

On a whim, he worked his fingers deeper into the debris. It was hard, flat, and rigid: definitely not a scorpion. It didn't feel like much of anything he recognized.

For a moment -just for a moment- the embers of his fantasy caught light again. He saw himself pulling a jewel-studded length of belt free from the sand, or an ancient scroll containing a map to forgotten treasure. He imagined Cat's eyes widening at the sight of it, her mouth falling open in astonished wonder at his luck and talent, apologizing profusely for not having seen how valuable an addition he was to the team. Yes, that would do nicely.

Rocking back on his heels, he opened his hand, dusting away the last of the grit to discover-

"Izzat a piece of beef jerky?"

Archi leaned over Alisdair's shoulder, squinting down at the object. It was not a Pharaoh's belt. It was not a scroll case, either. Instead, he was holding a coal black, withered stick the length of his hand. His nose crinkled in disappointment and revulsion, hand dropping dejectedly to his side. He nearly dropped the thing into the sand before Archi plucked it away from him, bringing it up to his nose like he might an expensive Cuban cigar.

"Blech! It smells like my Uncle Rau's attic!" His friend jerked his head back, expression curdling, and leaned close to shove the object near Alisdair's face. "I mean, I'd still eat it, though. Bet me twenty bucks?"

"Archi, I don't want your-" Alisdair had only just managed to get his feet underneath him before his nostrils were assaulted by something both acrid and faintly herbal. He retched, slapping his hands over his nose, then retched again as he realized the smell was clinging to his palms. "Oh, god, that's VILE!"

"I know, right?! About that bet...."

Alisdair swiped the jerky from his hand, dropping it into a pocket of his khakis, not so much because he actually wanted the disgusting thing anywhere near him as wanting to keep his friend from following through on the threat. "I'm going to go find Cat before you find anything else to shove into your mouth."

Turning sharply on his heel, ignoring Archi's braying laughter, he lengthened his stride across the hard-packed earth toward the dig. He tried to think of Cat's bright blue eyes, her dark curls flecked with glittering dust, and not early memories of his father or the possibility that Archi's little sister had graduated from licking rocks to sampling the shaving cream.

At one point -back when it was first built, Alisdair supposed- the tomb must have been truly magnificent. Sandstone pillars lined the front entrance, still standing firm despite their age, each section painstakingly hand-shaped and still sporting the chisel marks of the artisans who'd sculpted them.

Cat had tried explaining, over the groaning of the camels, the particular types of pigments that would have once decorated them- but he'd been too focused on keeping the constant sway of the animal beneath him from upsetting the contents of his stomach to listen. Now they were the color of dust, the same as everything else in this wasteland.

Most of the structure was still intact, but the section Professor Almaizan had them working in had been dug out in the past year. The pillars near the opening listed slightly, either displaced during the previous excavations or by age.  It made them resemble the bones of some ancient, long dead beast, or the nave of a ruined church, open to the moon. Here and there, colored thread was strung out in careful grids, marking off grids for the researchers to work. Near the northern corner, he could just about glimpse the lean figure of Professor Tenax Almaizan as he inspected their work, his dark shalwar kameez billowing in the hot, dry wind.

Steps had been carved into the excavated stone, or cobbled together from what wood they'd managed to cut, leading down into the guts of the structure perhaps some twenty (steep, gritty) feet. If there was any consolation, he supposed, it was that at least there was shade below the first level. Sweat cooled on his forehead as he passed out of the scorching midmorning sun. The shade smelled of hot bricks and chalk dust.

Steadying himself against the wall with a hand, he tried to picture what it would be like to be the first person to set foot in the burial chamber: torchlight glittering off ancient golden idols, gems the size of his hand, his archaeologist companion pressed close for protection as the withered old pharaoh began to stir-

A hand clamped down on his ankle.

Alisdair's undignified squawk echoed from the walls as gravel crunched under his feet, boots skidding on sand. The attempt to correct his balance, far from serving its intended purpose, nearly sent him over the edge and into the excavation pit. Hands flailing, he grabbed for the scaffolding and dug his heels in, a flush of embarrassment and adrenaline flooding his already heat-blotched face. "Ca'tra," he gasped, voice several octaves higher than he'd intended. "Don't grab me like that!"

Ca'tra Akaata (graduate student, aspiring archaeologist, current leading cause of premature heart attacks) was exactly where Archi had said she'd be: sat in the dirt, having the time of her life. One leg braced beneath her, she stretched the other out as far as it would go, marking her place with her toes as she arched up to grin at him. "Hi, Alisdair! Don't come down, I'm still finishing this section." Her voice was oddly muffled.

Lips twisted into a pout at her clear and total lack of remorse, Alisdair ignored her admonition, edging down the last set of steps- though, as a concession, he was careful to avoid the dig points marked out around her.

As she came into clearer focus, he realized her brother had been correct on another point: The horsehair shaving brush WAS in her mouth. Lengthwise, to be specific, teeth clamped firmly on the mahogany handle. He suppressed a wince at a fleeting image of his father, mouth downturned in a perplexed grimace as he loudly asked where the indentations had come from. Turning her head, she casually spat it into her hand, wiped it clean on a corner of her brightly patterned head scarf, and set it back down in the toolkit. "If you step on anything," she warned, "I won't be held responsible for what the Professor does to you."

Tossing his hair, Alisdair let out what he hoped was a sufficiently dismissive snort. "Oh, what do I care what that musty old pedant says? I was just making sure you didn't need to be rescued from traps or flesh-eating scarabs." Cat blinked at him for a second in mute astonishment, then threw back her head and laughed, dimples forming at the corners of her mouth. The movement revealed a stray, coal-black curl escaping the confines of her hijab. His hand twitched, resisting the urge to tuck it back into place.

"Scarabs don't eat people, Alisdair," she said, once her ebullience had faded enough to talk. "That's just the movies." Her teeth flashed, lower lip pinned in concentration as she picked dirt from a tiny clay figurine. "Then again, they might make an exception for you. Skittering around in the dark, hankering for your succulent flesh." She wiggled her fingers at him. "Skitter skitter."

Alisdair swallowed, hard, and stood up on his toes, shuffling a little further away from the nearby hole in the wall. Not that he believed her teasing, of course, just that he had heard that. Snakes. Liked to hide in holes in the wall. That was it. Just to be safe.

"You are so mean," he huffed. "At least tell me you found old Pharaoh What's His Nuts so we can go back to the hotel and celebrate."

The young archaeologist hummed, gently blowing the last of the dirt free of her figurine, and glanced up at Alisdair with arched brows. "I hate to disappoint you, but old Pharaoh What's His Nuts was excavated years ago, as I told you repeatedly on the way over.” She paused, and hummed thoughtfully, in the back of her throat. “Most of him, anyway."

"What?!" Alisdair gaped down at her. His knees sagged, back dragging over the rough stone as he dropped into an undignified squat at the edge of her workspace. "But I- but you said-" The champagne and press conferences he'd envisioned evaporated like a heat mirage, leaving him suddenly very aware of how hot and dusty and tired he was. "I thought you said this was exclusive!"

Cat rocked back on her heels, resting her forearms on her knees, and gave him a look that might have been pity. "It is exclusive, Alisdair. This is one of the most important digs of the decade. It's a miracle it hasn't been stripped completely bare by looters, or other archaeological teams. It's an amazing opportunity to get hands on experience in the field. I don't know how the Professor pulled it off."

"I think I've had quite enough experience in the field for one lifetime, thank you. I honestly don't know what I was expecting, but it certainly wasn't scorpions, or heat rashes, or all this sand. I don't like sand, Ca'tra."

Cat put the toothbrush back down with rather more force than was strictly necessary. "It's a desert, Alisdair. It's going to have sand. If you weren't prepared for some rough conditions, you could have just stayed at the hotel."

"I wanted to come with you!" Alisdair's voice rose, threatening to become a whine. "I know Professor Musty thinks I'm just a glorified pack mule, but I didn't think you agreed with him."

She sighed, expansively, rubbing at the bridge of her nose. "I know you don't like him, but he's really taking a chance with me on this expedition. It's not my fault someone got here before us."

Alisdair knew he couldn't really argue with her reasoning, but it didn't quell the bitter disappointment pooling in his gut.  It threatened to rise into his throat and choke him. He stared down at the toes of his boots, hands fisting at his sides, and tried to convince himself the stinging in his eyes was just from heat.

"Oh, your professor's so great all right," he snapped. "He's so great that you've been ignoring me this entire trip and dragged me out here where there are scorpions and snakes and heatstroke and spit, and you and your professor'll go on to become rich and famous, and I'll probably die from the curse and all I found out here was a piece of ancient beef jerky!" Without thinking, he plunged his hand into his pocket, flinging the leather down in the midst of her carefully plotted workspace.

Cat's face flushed with anger, her eyes seeming even more intensely blue against the darkening of her cheeks. Snatching the object from among her grid stakes, she pulled her arm back, clearly intending to hurl it right back at him.

Then, abruptly, she stopped dead. Her arm was still poised, fist wrapped around the leather in preparation to send it back in his face. Slowly, she lowered her hand, staring down at the stick in utter bewilderment. "Beef jerky?" she repeated. Before he could stop her, she raised her hand to her face. He had a nightmarish vision then, of her tongue flicking out, flicking out to taste-

"CAT, NO!" He lunged at her, nearly ploughing into her dig, feet skidding as she shot him a murderous look. He teetered at the edge of the colored twine as she brought her hand up to her face again, sniffing once, and then again, more deeply. The flush faded from her cheeks as her eyes went wide.

"Alisdair," Cat said, her tone slow and deliberate. "Where did you find this?"

His brow furrowed in confusion as she held it out to him. "Lying in the sand, who cares, Cat, it's just a piece of jerky. I was going to throw it away."

"Alisdair." Her expression sharp, she leaned forward across her workspace to lock eyes with him. Her hair had slipped even further from the hijab, shading her eyebrow; he took the jerky from her in bewilderment. "Where EXACTLY. Did you find this."

"The entrance to the tomb, I guess?" Alisdair glanced down at the sad piece of leather and wrinkled his nose in renewed disappointment. "It’s hardly the royal jewels, isn’t it?"

But Ca'tra was looking at him now with an expression of astonishment that didn't look like it was born out of mockery, eyes flicking back and forth at some internal dialogue. "No," she breathed, the hints of a smile beginning to grow on her face. "It's so easy. Oh, my god, that's so stupid, I don't believe it."

"Cat?" Alisdair eyed her, warily, his hand still poised in front of herself. He nearly jumped as she lurched to her feet, crossing the dig in one long bound and reached out to grab his shoulders. Silently, she shook him, her face breaking into a grin to rival Archi's. It scared him more than her anger had. "What are you talking about?"

Cat shook Alisdair again, and grabbed his wrist in excitement, her expression very nearly gleeful. "It's been a mystery for years, Alisdair, ever since the Pharaoh was moved from the burial chamber. All those theories! And it was right here the entire time, I could kiss you!"

Alisdair felt his face heat, his anger and frustration leaving him in a rush. His palms prickled as she threw her arms around his shoulders, almost knocking the jerky from his hand. "Oh, well. Um. You're welcome," he mumbled. "What... um. What is it, then?"

"I said they found most of Pharaoh Khem-Adas. Most of him." Cat pulled back, holding him at arm's length, her eyes twinkling. "You said it yourself, Alisdair. The royal jewels! The royal jewels of Old Pharaoh What's His Nuts!" An hysterical laugh bubbled in the back of her throat. "The embalming, the composition, its size- stay right here, I'm going to go find the professor!"

For an instant, still suffused in rosy warmth as he was, the words failed to sink in. Repeating them back to himself, however, Alisdair felt a trickle of dread coil up his spine. He stared down at the mummified leather in his hand, small and roundish and not altogether unlike the treats he sometimes gave Mrs. Almaizan's pomeranian.

Treats that were made of.... of....

"Cat!" His voice cracked slightly, as his flush was replaced with a sickly greenish pallor. He could feel bile rising in his throat. "Are you saying this is.... that I'm holding a-"

“Don’t worry, Alisdair!” She grinned at him, wide and wild, pausing with her hand on the scaffolding. “I’ll make sure you get your picture in the papers! PROFESSOR ALMAIZAN, GET THE CAMERA!"

For such a small woman, Cat's voice echoed across the tomb- across the entire base camp as her feet pounded up the rest of the steps to the upper levels. As his vision began to tunnel, Alisdair thought they could probably hear her all the way back in Cairo.

"ALISDAIR FOUND PHARAOH KHEM-ADAS' MISSING PENIS!”