#bro this is so fucking old u can tell bc i had no idea how to draw hands💀💀😭

[lotus-pear]

old dazai lighting practice i found in my drafts that i have no intention of finishing so u guys can have it

[rinbowaman]

i believe my bf heelel is into some kinks. i wonder- like curious to know what kinks and positions he has tried so far on the reader,u dont have to describe them if u dont want to,u can even list it out idm!

Oh it’s fine. Lol this blog knows no shame.

So since Se7en is about or over a year old now (maybe more, can’t remember off the top of my head) let’s just say….a shorter list is what hasn’t he done…bc by now, you both covered every single position known to man and have done a lot…ALOT. Heelel has no limits or boundaries, since he is so very obsessed with reader, he has done everything (even against her own wishes) that’s the type of guy he is. It’s not necessarily just bc he’s the devil. It’s bc he is insanely in love with you that he has to (metaphorically speaking) devour every inch of you. I’m talking fucking your tits, anal, and oral (both you and him receiving. I picture him being very fond of the 69 position.)

Like heethan, he is also a masochist. But he kind of overdoes it bc…he’s the devil. He wants to see broken skin, blood, toes curling, and screams. Ofc it’s all in the line of pleasure, like he’s never going to just go and do physical harm to you that would cause great pain and injury for no reason. To everyone else, yes. Do you? No. But pain with pleasure, hell yeah.

I’ve also had a random thought of just how far he would go in his pace and momentum, and the man is relentless. I randomly thought of him fucking reader so hard, that she ended up vomiting due to exhaustion and just being railed so hard. (It was seriously a random thought bc sometimes I think about heelel and heethan from time to time.) but that gives you an idea.

I also had a thought where he stole Asmodeus’s ancient and original scripture of the Kama Sutra, and kept it so he could replicate all the positions with you, and even alternate some of them to better fit his desire. He loves making you feel good, but there are some times…the man is selfish and wants to feel good, even if you’re hurting.

My random thought about the anal piece was when I was answering some asks. I didn’t draft it but it came to my head out of nowhere and the way I saw it go down is, reader being hesitant bc she’s never done it before and wasn’t feeling too comfortable about it, but heelel forced the issue and pretty much restrained her with his own hands and just went for it. He was rough all up until he lined the tip to her rear, he actually got a bit gentle bc he knew it was her first time doing it, so he kind of verbally guides her. “Take a deep breath baby, this is going to sting a little.” Heelel spent lifetimes playing (and murdering) the succubus’s and stray angels, so he’s very experienced. I pictured him clicking his tongue and tapping the tip of his d*ck on your rear cheeks and calmly telling you to take a deep breath, and exhale as he enters. He still had readers wrists pinned behind her lower back with one hand while he used the other to slide in and as he goes in inch by inch, he would say things like “breath, hold. Now exhale.” And once he was all the way in, he’d thrust in and out at a very slow pace, giving you time to stop sobbing and start enjoying. Once he hears your moans coming in, he’ll pick up the pace and go harder and harder. He’ll watch reader go from sobbing victim of non-con to a filthy minx that wants more of him. And he loves to witness that transition. The second time around you guys do it, he ditches the slow and understanding pace and just goes for it, making that first noise coming out of your mouth a sharp yelp.

He’s very dominate, so any position that would render him vulnerable is out the window. He’s always going to be in control. Sven if you’re on top, those hands of his are going to be squeezing your waist and you’re basically being lifted repeatedly and slammed down by his rhythm.

On oral sex….bro…I picture this dude to be extremely brutal! Like making you choke on it, taking it out every once in a while to slap your face with it, sticking it back in your mouth and forcing you to gag on it until your throat bleeds. He’s a raging beast and that’s the whole reason why he made you go through all his brothers to turn you immortal, bc mortal version do you won’t survive.

He has a few favorite positions: reverse cowgirl, standing missionary, you straddled on his lap while he’s on his throne, and doggy.

And yes…he still likes to give it to you in his demon form or partially demon form. A lot of ppl did not like this or felt uncomfortable, but that’s what heelel likes. He’s twisted and very sadistic (the devil y’all) and he likes to make reader uncomfortable sometimes bc he loves seeing you scared and begging, but loves it even more when he sees you transition from being scared to wanting him more. I usually picture him doing you with his horns/antlers protruding out of his head. Since he doesn’t have regular devil horns like the devil is traditional portrayed with, he has a pair of beautiful and magnificent antlers, like an elk. When he’s in his full demon form, he almost looks like a wendigo, and he can adjust his size and be either colossal (like in the battle towards the end of the series) or he can be 7 feet tall (which is usually how big he’ll become when fucking you…get ready to take in 12 inches)

When he is fucking you in his demon form, it is very sinful and demonic, and you’ll feel very ashamed and dirty after it’s all done, but he won’t care. All he can think about is how much you were screaming and begging for him to keep going. Again, it always starts off with you fighting and begging him to not do it, but once he starts hurting your spot and making you leak everytime the tip of his dick punches it, you kind of go dumb (literally fucks uou dumb) and you’re a slob wrong mess.

[crimeboys]

hiya i feel like ive seen you mention the sweeney todd au but. sitting here kicking my feet. if u would like an opportunity to rant abt it please take this as one -kai

oh hi!! yes i've mentioned it a few times mostly bc i was desperately trying not to make wilbur a barber LMAO. i'll be so fr, im probably never writing this thing forrealsies, especially bc there are so many details and storylines i do not feel like figuring out, so i can just tell you like. everything under the cut. it'll probably be a little jumpy bc i don't have any of this info actually written anywhere it's all in my mind lul.

WARNINGS: cannibalism, murder, abuse, suicide

it's basically just like. wilbur is sweeney. quackity is mrs. lovett. 13 years prior, wilbur was sent to prison by schlatt for "treason" and a bunch of bullshit political stuff bc well they had beef. a little bit before this, sally disappeared and wilbur claimed she left him, but he actually murdered her (do not know the reason yet, and if i did i forgot) and the only one who knows is quackity, but wilbur does not know that quackity knows. also wilbur definitely ate sally in some way bc well i always liked the idea the wilbur ate sally in canon. she's just a human instead of a salmon.

so it's 13 years later, and wilbur is getting off a boat with this guy tommy who has been helping him (which btw wilbur and tommy are MUCH closer than sweeney and anthony, they're besties instead of like. awkward mentor and semi-student), and wilbur plans to go back to his old home to see what remains while tommy goes to do some fucking thang idk. and wilbur ends up finding quackity, who has opened a burger shop, and tommy accidentally runs into schlatt, fundy, and tubbo and almost gets in a fist-fight with fundy. also in this au schlatt semi-raises fundy but is kind of a shit semi-dad and everyone around him is just miserable. ignoring like 90% of the johanna plot Except the simple fact that wilbur has a kid who was given to someone he fucking hates and now he wants to get him back.

tubbo is basically toby but if toby was schlatt's right-hand man instead of random fake italian guy. also wilbur's first kill is eret, who actually came to him trying to make amends/help, but wilbur thought was trying to out him to schlatt, so wilbur like. panic-murders eret. and has a bit of a freak out about it bc he's murdered someone before (his wife lul) but it haunts him and now this does too. but quackity's just like Bro. Free meat. This goes crazy. bc it's basically the same plot of like, meat prices are crazy, quackity can't afford it, and this is the perfect solution to his meat problem and wilbur's killed someone and has a body problem. also quackity used to be part of the manberg cabinet but when he finally broke things off with schlatt for being constantly disrespected both as a partner in politics and fiance, he was basically defamed and kicked to the curb and had everything taken from him so he had to figure shit out which is how he ended up in the position of burger shop owner in wilbur soot's old place.

also wilbur and quackity obvious tension but it's like that "im probably nonbinary but ive got a job so i don't really worry about that" but wilbur's like "im probably attracted to quackity but i've got a lot of people to murder to get my son back so i don't really worry about that" and quackity's malding about that a little bc he is definitely in love with wilbur but it's fine he gets one thing he wants and that's a functional fucking business, he can figure out the wilbur shit later when wilbur gets his stupid son back.

but yeah. wilbur murders eret, which starts a spiral spurred on by quackity being like "objectively you should keep killing people so i can run my business thanks man", and the rage he carries from his life being taken away for nothing, and the violence he has always carried since he murdered sally. idk if tommy's gonna know? i haven't thought about tommy enough in this au tbh and that's bc he is Completely different than anthony so i have to fucking think about it a lot. bc he's not going after fundy like anthony was johanna, he's trying to help fundy bc that's wilbur's son and wilbur's his best friend so he wants to help him save his fucking son. but fundy is also conflicted bc he genuinely cares about schlatt, as they've all genuinely cared about schlatt, and he's like a father to him.

also tubbo does NOT trust wilbur's ass. he's very fond of quackity, from memories of his childhood and quackity at schlatt's side, trying to protect tubbo, and the way quackity welcomes him with open arms when he gets the fuck out of there after tubbo hits his breaking point with schlatt, but tubbo thinks wilbur is kind of like the worst. bc he doesn't realize until it's too late that quackity is also kind of like the worst.

i haven't thought a lot about the middle, just bits and bobs, mostly the beginning and the end. i have the ending planned beat for beat pretty much.

the ending, basically, is that wilbur has tossed schlatt down the murder chute or what-fucking-ever, and quackity watches him die. he sort of just like stands there and watches schlatt choke on his own blood, not even trying to help or kill him faster, just watches it happen. as schlatt takes his last breath, wilbur storms down to the basement to make sure schlatt is dead. and he is! so wilbur's like this is my perfect victory, everything is fine now, except shit, tubbo knows about the murders bc frankly they are not very good at cleaning up their murders. this means they either need to kill tubbo or convince him to keep his mouth shut. they both know the second isn't really an option.

one of them vouches to keep tubbo alive despite this, probably quackity, and it sparks an argument that has quackity finally confess that he knows wilbur killed sally. wilbur is paranoid and angry and quackity is paranoid and angry and their argument devolves until they're trying to fucking kill each other. wilbur barely escapes the room with his life intact, though he doesn't manage to quite kill quackity.

he tries to find fundy and tommy, but they are both still trying to get to the shop after escaping the prison? or some shit again, not fully sure, their part of the story needs some fucking work, but wilbur is frustrated because he hoped to find them before tubbo did, lying and saying tubbo and quackity were killed by schlatt and wilbur killed schlatt in retaliation, and fleeing with both of them into the night. when he can't find them, wilbur decides he needs to go back after tubbo and goes through the side door of the house and back down the basement stairs.

while wilbur was looking for tommy and fundy, quackity had gathered himself back up from their fight and planned to go after wilbur and finish the fucking job, but he trips on schlatt's body and in a moment of just complete and utter anger and frustration and, unfortunately, love for both the dead man and the man who killed him, quackity grabs a bone or knife or something and cuts open schlatt's chest, pulls out his heart, and starts to eat it. as quackity eats schlatt's heart, tubbo comes up behind him and stabs him through his heart. he drops the knife and runs, finding tommy and fundy running up to the front door, looking for wilbur.

wilbur finds himself downstairs. he looks at the carnage, the oven still running, quackity and schlatt's dead bodies, meat and bones everywhere from he and quackity's work together. he wonders how the hell he's going to face fundy, face tommy, after everything he has done. he hsan't seen his son in 13 years, he hardly knows what fundy fucking looks like, he hardly remembers what sally looked like. it's all in a haze of blood, the awful life he made with quackity and tubbo overwriting it. he decides to kill himself and explodes the shop with the oven. somehow. i guess.

fundy, tommy, and tubbo get out alive, bc i always liked that johanna, anthony, and toby manage to get out it was very nice to me. tommy and fundy are heartbroken that wilbur died (still not sure how much they, specifically tommy, know about wilbur and quackity's business), and tubbo is admittedly very sad that he had to kill quackity, but he knows what they don't, that wilbur and quackity were dangerous men playing a dangerous game and bringing unsuspecting players into it, and he is the luckiest person in the fucking world to get out of their orbit alive. so he celebrates the fact that he won their game, and the three of them try to make a life. it is certainly happier than whatever they would have found in wilbur and quackity's.

also here is the only written (unedited) scene i have you can have it bc well i love to share thangs

Killing people outright is something Wilbur will admit he’s not fond of. He doesn’t like to watch the light leave peoples eyes. He doesn’t like his hand being the one to fell someone. He sits at the counter, staring at his hands. They were covered in blood just minutes ago. Before Quackity walked him over to the sink, talking in a low, steady voice about how it was understandable, it’s hardly as bad when it’s in self-defense, what was he supposed to do? Just let Eret tell Schlatt Wilbur’s back in town? Wilbur did the right thing. Whether that was Quackity’s voice or Wilbur’s own telling him, he still doesn’t know. But Quackity meets his eyes across the counter and does not look afraid, does not look worried. Just thoughtful. 

“So,” Quackity starts, tapping his fingers atop the counter. “What do we do with her?” 

“Take her somewhere far, far away,” Wilbur says, in a voice that sounds just as far. “Bury Eret where they’ll never find him.”

Quackity nods, looking somewhat disappointed. “Right. Right. I mean, burying Eret would make the most sense, right?” 

“Right,” Wilbur echoes, hardly listening. 

“But…” He sighs, looking up at the ceiling, all that separates them from Eret’s body. “Seems like a waste, right?” Wilbur is brought a little closer to Earth in his confusion.

“A waste?”

“Business has been bad,” Quackity continues, thoughtfully, conversationally, like this is all very normal and Wilbur isn’t still rubbing at his hands to get the blood off. “Debts we can’t pay off. What would it hurt, when he’s already dead?” Wilbur isn’t connecting whatever dots Quackity lays out. Eret is dead and the shop is doing poorly. The thoughts don’t intersect. “I mean, it’d be wrong just to dump them somewhere to rot, when there’s a use? When the price of meat raises every fucking week?” Rot. Meat. The connection is made. A little laugh tumbles out of Wilbur, amusement or shock he’s unsure, and Quackity smiles. “Plenty of meat, plenty of business.” It’s completely despicable. It turns Wilbur’s stomach inside out. It’s almost enough to make a Godless man pray for forgiveness… It’s absolutely fucking brilliant.

[solasan]

HI HI HI HIH I HI :) for the infamous mc asks can i get uhhhhh full circle, beginnings, fans, voice, storybeats, and seven. i will stop now. <3 <3

infamous MC questions

TYSM CARLY ILY <3333

Full circle: What is the first song they ever wrote? Played? What’s the most recent? 

i think the first song she wrote is probably a song that eventually became eggshells, which is a rly angry/kinda devastating song on their most recent EP (glass houses). mommy issues core. it went through a lot of transformation over the years — from angsty teenage metaphors to kinda blisteringly painful adult ones — and the first time she ever sang it for the band, her hands shook the whole fuckin time. (seven was the only person to hear it before that). it’s pretty well-loved bc it’s got a lot of raw, emotional vocals, backed up by a pretty sick beat and some of rowan’s best work.

the most recent song would probs be forecast fires, which is actually hornet’s nest’s audition song for botb!! it’s about seven LOL. very angry and kind of tragic/ever-so-slightly wistful if u actually listen to the lyrics, but it’s upbeat and the kind of song u can’t help dancing to.

Beginnings: When and how did they know they wanted to be a professional musician? Was there a deciding factor?  

marnie’s always been into music; she grew up singing along to her dad’s old fleetwood mac & joan jett records and started taking guitar lessons young (mostly as an excuse for her parents to get her out of the house lol). she started writing when she was about 11 (not long before she met seven) and used to mess around with putting some of her songs to music, but she wasn’t super serious about a career in music for a while.

it was seven that first planted the idea in her head, but once planted, it rly took root. he was always the one pushing her, telling her that her music was good, that they could do this, and she only half-believed him until the very first time that their fans sang along to their music at a gig. then she was kind of like this is what i’m made for; giving people something to dance and sing to.

when seven left, though, she got a lot more serious about it. it kind of became a thing of i don’t need you, we don’t need you, we’re gonna make it after that, mostly out of spite and hurt but also because the fans loving her voice on its own was kind of a novelty for her. now she knows she wants to be singing to people until the day she drops dead LOL.

Fans: How is their relationship with their fans? Do they go out of their way to interact? 

oh marnie looooves her fans lol. she especially loves the kinds of fans that everyone else gets embarrassed over; the gushy ones, like maya. they make her feel loved, bro, and as someone with huuuuge abandonment issues, that’s better than crack. but even if ur not gushing over her, she’s probably rly excited to be seeing u, bc she just loves that people listen to her.

she’s a very sociable rockstar lol. she’ll hug fans, she’ll make a real effort to get them involved at their gigs — getting them to sing, talking to them, generally being a great stage presence — and she’s always happy to stop for a picture or autograph at the grocery store. it just thrills her bro!! she’s probably so pro-vespids (👉👈 maya came up with that n marnie ADORES it) that orion’s had to take her socials away from her sometimes bc she can’t stop tweeting back to people n they do not have the time, ross, you were supposed to be at rehearsals a half hour ago!

Voice: What does their singing voice sound like? Do you have voiceclaims(s) for them? 

throaty & husky; pretty sensual. she sounds a lot like grace vanderwaal i think (this is a good example) so her voice is very raspy and distinctive. pretty recognisable. i know, like, literally fuck all about singing, but after a lil googling i’d say her voice type is contralto, so she’s on the lower end of the vocal range.

Storybeats: If you could design one scene to happen in the story, what would it be? How would it change your character? What would make it so satisfying for the character arc? 

oof. probably some kind of confrontation with her parents? a lot of marnie’s motivations can be boiled down to “i can make it on my own, i can prove it” and essentially trying to show how capable/independent/good she is, so getting some kind of closure with her Very First Abandonment would probably be huge. i don’t picture them making up, really; more just some kind of moment that makes marnie realise oh, i don’t have to prove shit to these bastards. i think the closure would at first be pretty painful for her and she’d fuck off to go get high and block out the world, but if she could get over that, i think she’d come out the other side feeling a lot more secure in herself and who she is. probably a lot less desperate for acceptance & love, too.

im gonna try to keep this a bit briefer but i also think some kind of acknowledgement about her unhealthy relationship with party drugs would b very helpful to her. she’s not high all the time by any means, because she actually takes her career pretty seriously, but she definitely uses parties & coke to get out of her head when she doesn’t want to be there and it’s caused some problems that have made orion rip his hair out.

Seven: Do you have headcanons about their friendship and/or romantic relationship (past or future)? What do you imagine some of their best memories are? What do you think some of Seven’s favourite things about your MC were/are?

oof seven meant everything to marnie lol :) for a very long time, he was her first constant, her greatest constant, because her parents wanted nothing to do with her and she was just… so lonely. and then he was there, warm and funny and a little dry, and he was taking her to his mom’s place and understanding her music and commiserating with her over the yawning black emptiness both of them felt at times. how could she not fall in love, u know?

they pined for each other for most of their teens before finally getting together when they were abt 20. probably the first time they wrote a song together was marnie’s first Oh I’m In Love moment lol, but her fav memories are all the times they hung out drunk as shit on the roof of her parents’ place as teens, sharing a blanket and pointing at the stars n making each other laugh.

another good memory: marnie dumped her crappy boyfriend just before prom when they were seniors, so her and seven skipped prom night and drove to vero beach to drink beer and have an impromptu bonfire, and marnie ended up out in the water in her fucking dress jumping waves with him, and it was just… very soft n sweet. she misses those days.

i think seven always liked marnie’s sense of humour (she’s very sarcastic but in a warm kind of way?) and how blunt she was; there’s not a conniving bone in her body (which is what made The Vote so painful for him, among other things) and he always appreciated that. her loyalty, too. on the smaller side of things, he always thought her laugh was the greatest thing about her, because it’s loud and snorting and always so genuine. he misses it sometimes

[jerek]

alright. bonus lore time. i literally never thought anyone was cringe if i ever had a problem w u it was ALWAYS about wrathion.

since fall 2021 ive developed a new talent which is my cortisol randomly spiking and making my stomach too acidic which can and has made me vomit 10 times in a day and put me in ER-level pain and i think it has something to do with the lil polycule of rpers i was with back then.

roster was, iirc (at the time)

26 y/o male / nb

38 y/o female

mid 20s male

mid 20s nb

early 20s female

19 y/o me

18 year old nb

26 year old was the one who made the discord, roleplayed anduin, the rest of us were literally self shippers with ocs. (except me i played sylvanas)

was a SHIT ton of wranduin in there!!! i'm not evil though so i put up with it. i asked once can they please stop putting wrathion porn in there, they were like "thats cool bro i respect your triggers" and put it in a different channel still accessible for the girlies who love to trigger themselves.

so like. heres where the mysterious food poisoning came in. when i say 'dissociative' i may not mean DID as diagnosed by a trained professional after 15-20 tests but like. i couldnt even express to a therapist how shit i felt bc i was not consistently the same type of person between appointments. if you make me come in every week, next week i will not remember why i felt the way i felt last week. i'll vaguely remember what i said, but she's not me anymore lol.

and sometimes it's THAT, the true saint norman experience, sometimes it's possession (thinking other people's thoughts) and sometimes it's dreaming but girl SOMETIMES it manifests as like.

Imagine going up to norman bates and telling him he cares too much about his sick, declining, codependent mom.

Me but when you smack Wrathion I feel it. He's a metaphor for me. I think in his voice. I damn near pray to him ig, being a mormon I can tell you he is the only reason ive ever felt 'the spirit.'

Cringe? Yes!!!!! Out of my control? Yeah 😭

There is no center to my being. i dont identify as anything. i'm not the name my parents gave me, but i am the characters i use to puppet out whatever emotions. Internet sexting for so long has eaten away at my boundaries so much there is no longer any reason for her (who i was born as) to exist or for me to relate to her.

Rping in that group gave me so much dopamine I couldn't sleep, consistently had the feeling that my stomach muscles were splitting down the center, migraines. Literal food poisoning symptoms. It was really fun still!!!!!

And then when the wrathion shit happened like. Whispers of nzoth in the back of my brain started tickling my self defense instincts for no reason. No reason bc I had put up with literally everything including the wrathion shit, the only difference was I personally didn't enjoy wrathion porn.

I knew I was irrational. Not liking a certain type of porn is one thing, I was fighting off the old gods trying not to start some shit.

Prob shoulda communicated! Communicating last time gave me a trigger myself button though. Literally the [triggered] meme.

Eventually you get the feeling that shit is going down the drain whether you like it or not. The rp's stopped, everyone's switched to FF and your laptop can't run it. It's all just kinks, someone posting once or twice a day with "imagine li-li stormstout [redacted]" getting reacted with 😏 emojis.

So I posted screenshots bc I knew the other half of the world, the one with everyone else in it, would feel as alienated as I did. I'm back in 2015 as a 13 y/o dominatrix prude and I want the feeling of 'we know what's wrong' I got from the ER. Literally went to sleep 5 minutes later because I knew I'd be guillotined.

I wake up and I have no idea why I did that. It's been years since I tore off the chunk of me that will do literally anything to be included, those two halves don't communicate anymore.

But shit's fucked now!!

It was always about wrathion. Literally always about my shitass fixation on blizzard's favorite 7 year old to unbutton the shirt on. Girl why

[simmonsized]

It’s okay, rambles are fun to read. Anything that talks about a character I like is inherently entertaining by default.

I just realized how much I’ve been sending you asks, I apologize. This is way more than I planned but it’s just really fun.

That’s true too, about like the older guardians. I recognized that they’re harder to talk about like we do with the strilonde Guardians, so general thoughts about them are cool too!

It’s very sweet how much Alpha Rose cares for her brother :)

Mom and Bro are my favorite subjects, mainly because their history is so unavailable. It’s just pure speculation. We get hints of it with Mom because she works for Skaianet but Bro? What the fuck is his deal?

We can say the same thing for Alpha Dave and Rose and we can just assume they had a similar upbringing in some ways, but that just brings us back to “what was up with you guys??”

Okay, it’s Mom and Bro time because ofc I have to ask about them again. Still pretty interested in that traveling stuff that’s been hinted in your fic.

Also, I just reread some of the Bro POV chapters and I love when they hug. This one person I was talking to jokingly described them as the unstoppable force and immovable object. I thought it was the cutest shit ever. I just wanted to share that.

Hello sorry I put off answering this because I've been busy BUT

yes, alpha rose and dave are stupid codependent and it is tragic and silly but they'll be okay. one day.

but who cares about them (me) MOM AND BRO AM I RIGHT OR AM I RIGHT?????????????????????????

(RNG canon stuff obviously) I feel like it would be spoiling what i call the (well i call it by my name but for simplicity we'll say my url) deserts cinematic fic universe where i just. have connecting plot points between all my works for no goddamn reason BUT

Basically the little headcanon is that Mom and Bro were on their own in their respective Places (New York, Houston) for the first thirteen years of their lives. Canon to the Skaianet logs (once again, cringe and bad but like, works for me thematically), Harley set them both up with financials, but we'll assume they didn't have real access to them. I like to think it was Nanna who eventually couldn't fucking take how badly these two little punks were doing anymore and insisted on intervening. Bro was up to some. Not good shit lol it involved swords. Mom was just being a brat somewhere

ANYWAY due to the obligations of the session and timeline they couldn't KEEP them (nanna had a husband and son and a job to do after all and harley is. well. harley) but they did a lot of VISITING, mostly flying to washington to stay with nanna for the summers, and sometimes bro would even get flown to new york if harley was in town. grandpa let roxy visit the island (once) but never bro. go fucking figure (though if hiveswap is to be believed he did have a creepy old house in the woods too LOL). it came to a head when they were 16, and nanna and grandpa decided they were old enough to be sat down and told about The Stuff (though in my world guardians always kind of Know though whether that comes with age or not, who is to say, but like, u know, basically laying out the feeling for them into a concrete idea.

Bro already knew that all, ofc

grandpa tells mom that she's gonna be getting the house and stuff and then she and bro get into a fight abt it bc he loves her but he's so horribly bitter and jealous and already knows he's going to die yes i guess this is spoillies but whatever, and anyway that is how they like, friend breakup. Bro goes back to doing his fucked up sword thing, Mom waits for the house to be built.

once the house is built she invites bro back to new york but he's Different Now in a way she can't explain and it's so obvious his heart is all closed off and he just. sucks!!! god that guy sucks but i love him

ANYWAY YES they used to spend summers in different places but always houston, wa, or new york and stuff together! and they'd share a suitcase bc mom would constantly lose hers, so bro would always underpack so he conveniently had room for her.

anyway they love each other but have deeply hurt each other

razzle dazzle

[onlyjaeyun]

greetings my dear zadie 😁 i missed u sm (sorry for the disappearance- i really missed filling ur inbox like this pls don’t mind me💔) & i genuinely have no idea where to begin from because i just got caught up with like 30 chapters of strictly business and i haVENT BEEN SLEEPING SINCE YESTERDAY BECAUSE I CANT CLOSE MY PHONE 🧍‍♀️ first of all what the FUCKKKKK IS GOING AWNNNNN😨 like what the hell what the fuck the whole family situation is so heartbreaking then we have the fucking mind blowing jaw dropping earth shattering identity crisis inducing universe colliding inducing smut to have ever grazed tumblr idk if it’s the severe daddy issues but my GOD thewayjongseongisaservicedommakesmegentearup also can i just say as someone who’s been reading your masterpieces since hype boy i absolutely adore. like ADORE 🧎‍♀️ the way you write your smuts they always like ooze out love and i adore it sm like it’s like that one meme where u know it’s not a quick nut but smth made with love & care and that’s exactly how you be writing your shit dawg like you’re so talented?? out here making me close my phone every 5 mins just to giggle and calm myself down. now when i tell you my legs r aching bcs of the amount of hours i just spent swinging them while giggling because of the shit i was reading for HOURS BRO. 😀 like i’m so obsessed with how you write i want to kiss & appreciate each every single one of your neuron cells and axons for connecting to eachother to form such beautiful ideas mamas. anywho back to the story FUCK YOU SHIAH UGLY ASS PREHISTORIC ASS BITCH THE FUCK IS YOUR GODDAMN PROBLEM DAMN. like you’re genuinely a miserable grandma if you’re out here in your 30s or smth pushing 89 and you’re bullying & talking shit about a girl who’s 21 💀 like girl go teach at unis what u learned about dinosaurs since you’ll be talking straight up from experience. i bet yo ass she was there at the last supper arriving with her horse and all that like GIR- sorry excuse me for the disrespect fr 🙏🏼GREAT-GREAT-GRANDMA. GET YOUR GODDAMN SHIT TOGETHER AND BACK THE FUCK AWF 🤺 anywho now that we talked about the literal cause of the big bang theory let’s go talk about jongseong 🤭 no because i love this man with my whole entire heart i just- i <3 mature men <333 he’s so cool & mature & understanding & it’s making him so much more sexier than he already is it’s actually driving me crazy because wHERE do i find a replica of the man i just read about. like sir. SIR im losing my mINDDDD 🤸‍♀️🕳️ and then going to yn i love her sm :( she’s so smart & kind and she did not deserve anything that happened to her she’s such a sweet girl i can’t do this i can’t stand kind hearted people getting their souls hurt like this like pls she deserves sm better (i’m literally coming for you shiah. sleep with one eye fucking OPEN.) i’m so glad she has jimin & aeri w her i love them all so much and nayeon (btw making nayeon jongseong’s older sister single-handedly saved approximately 26392 lives and prevented 6 million deaths im telling u, ur mind? legendary.) and then we have seoul’s fav four oh mY GOD i love jaeyun sm. he’s so hilarious like bros always speaking & asking the ACTUAL questions he’s so funny i love him sm & hoon is just hooning he’s a bad bitch & a serious mf i love him sm for that fr always serving shit and all that a fucking icon he’s so real 💯 and oh lord 30 year old hee? is going down in the history books i fear 🚨 u making hee this attractive right after poison is just so ooooooo i wanna fight you so bad (w kisses & hugs duh!) but like gen. easily one of the best stories i’ve ever came across, easily one of the best authors/writers i’ve had the chance to read the works of and witness with my own eyes 🙏🏼 like thank u so much for your service fr i love u sm pls take care of urself & don’t tire yourself out (i’m ignoring all events that took place in the most recent chapter because no.) sending u sm love & kisses zadie ! <33

actually no fuck that what the fuck do you mean the engagement is ACTUALLY GONNA HAPPEN. didn’t jongseong already put that bitch in her place like GRANDMA???? R U NOT EMBARRASSED THIS IS SO EMBARRASSING. chasing after a dude when he literally told u all ur shitty fantasies AINT GONNA HAPPEN and someone who put u in ur goddamn place and SO OBVIOUSLY HAS SOMEONE ELSE HES INTERESTED IN (WHICH TALK YOUR FUCKING SHIT JONGSEONG 🗣️💯 SPEAK UR TRUTH DONT LET THEM SILENCE YOU!!) IS SO LIKE ??? girl stand up fr you’re famous ig & hella rich u can find someone else leave my babies alone i beg. and oooo girl jongseong’s dad fr about to make me become a lawyer to jail his stupid ahh alongside yn’s father (and her brothers) 👩‍⚖️ now one thing shitty men will always excel at is being a fucking asshole to everyone including your family yet excluding your side chicks! like at your prehistoric grown goddamn age you’re gonna force your son to marry someone he doesn’t even like 😧? shit’s wild fr. anyways fuck you shiah fuck every single dad in the story and fuck you shiah (pt2) cuz u ain’t SHIT. you will never be SHIT with your horrendous pick me attitude and with your personality that’s literally revolved around being a trophy wife (and being in a marriage with a man who doesn’t even want you??? like do u have no shame. no self respect. like idgaf if this is about business and allat the man DOESNT WANT YOU 🫤 get that shit in your thick ass head grandma) like that shit’s crazy and fuck that account that posted that shit i hope yn’s okay and jay makes shit up for her cuz come on now 😐

-⁉️ <3

MY BABY IS BACKKKKKK HI BABY 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺 you have no idea how much i giggled and smiled seeing you in my inbox imagain i MISSED YOUUUUU and hope life has been treating you well baby 🥺💞 pls tell me you havent been overworking yourself or i will have to fight you 💔

and please the way i couldn't even hold back my ugly laughs while reading bc you expressed my thoughts and feelings about yoo shiah in strictly business too spot on 😭😭😭😭

when i tell you the part where you started complimenting me, the smau and my writing made me tear up like i dont think you guys know how much your words mean to me and i will forever keep them super close to my heart so thank you so, so much baby. sending you the fattest kiss right now pls accept 🥺💞🩷💞🩷💞🩷

[baekhvuns]

IM BACKKKKKK

Bestie, ateez ain't making it easy for me to live especially seonghwa. 😮‍💨 BCZ THOSE LONG HAIR AND THOSE POOL PICTURES AGHHHHHHHH GOD! Anyways, about my life 😃, so, i am taking like a drop year...i obviously had to as you know my whole situation BUT I'll be doing some certificate courses and you know learning something skill based while i...do a job, yes you heard tht right😞 I GOTTA MAKE SOME MONEYYY and honestly I've cancelled out going abroad for a few years at least, I'll solely would be focusing on living here and...yeah. I'm not completely giving up, but, focusing on some other things. Mhm. The only prblm is tht my mum thinks I'm, wasting a year and considering how much of an overthinker she is, she's worrying about what others would say and Quite honestly I don't give a shit...the universe wanted me to do this...like this is my life and it's going on how it was planned so I don't see why I should be bothered by a few relatives 🙄

And other than that I HV BEEN OBSESSED WITH CHALEYA 😭 like I sing tht song every 3 seconds fr i can't. And I've been getting obsessed with oneus, their new single baila conmigo 😮‍💨 oh my lord. Another controversial thing...i didn't like jungkook's new single 3D ..... like...what was even the point?? Bro- and i hv no idea who jack Harlow is..I've seen people obsessing over him BUT THT RAP 😭 NAUR THT DIDN'T DO IT FOR ME. and honestly, it's so weird how jungkook's basically singing abt doing the deed every damn time, like ok boi I get it, and I liked seven obviously BUT I HOPE HIS ALBUM DOESN'T HV EVERY SONG IN IT LIKE THIS!

Ok what're your opinions about this whole lisa situation tho? Her performance at tht one r-rated dance thingy? Honestly, ok hear me out, idfc what lisa or Jennie anyone does in general, it was her choice she did it...and people keep hating on her bcz tht what people do...what I want to say, is what if it was a bg member...like what if it was jk or taehyung doing something like this? I bet all these girls would go crazy and be obsessed over it or something like, "omg they're breaking the kpop standard" i genuinely despise this double standard thing.

Ok rmr i told you my cousin was getting married HER WEDDING IS SET IN JANUARY 😭 AND I'M THINKING ABT MY DRESSES AND ALL. And I've been a little crazy abt traditional and ethnic clothes rlly, like yesterday me and my mum were acting like besties on a girl's night fr, we took out so many clothes and tried em in, she made me wear a saree 😭 AND IT LOOKED SO GOOD LOKE SAREE TRULY GIVES AN ELEGANT AND RICH LOOK, i felt like those 1920s rich mistresses. I mostly wear Western clothing, like only ever rarely, you'll find me wearing a suit or something similar but as I'm growing up my feminine energy keeps on blossoming so i def wanna wear a suit.

Can you imagine it will be my first ever suit...my younger cousins hv worn those things so many times and I'm making my new one, progress ig.

But yeah and no my mackenyu obsession is not dying down 😃. OH ALSO ITS HOODIE SEASON FINALLY THE ONLY THING I LOKE ABT WINTERS! And forget about the present seonghwa...THE BABY SEONGHWA 😭😭 HES SO CUTE LOOL AT THOSE CHEEKS I WANNA NOM NOM 😭

https://www.instagram.com/reel/CwWTt1dgpk0/?igshid=MzRlODBiNWFlZA==

SOMEONE SAID IT WORKS BCZ HES 11 YRS OLDER THN ME?!?! GURL 11 YRS 😭😭?!?! HOW OLD R U???

HELLLOOO!!

the long hair and the pools pics omg no bc those has me screaming at night hfkwjdlw

oooo like a gap year??? but on certificates omg ok what certificates r u doing 👁👁 marketing, sales certifications r >>> I GET IT 😭😭 need to make money in this economy can’t even breathe without having to pay

omg not the what will others say, the brown parents and the “log kya kahenge” will NEVER leave their minds god damnit,,, tell ur mom gap years r a good decision 😭😭😭 !!!!! travel, live a little and idk start a small business or a job! no ur right, if it turned out this way it means it’s meant to be done this way <3 FUCK YOUR RELATIVES RESPECTFULLY i can’t believe it’s still the same mindset in every brown parent’s mind 😭😭

STOPPPP I HWVE BEEN TOO I WAS JUST HUMMING TO IT AND DOING THE DANCE STEP (have not watched jawan yet!) SUCH A CATCHY SONG???? SRK DOING IT AGAIN,,, omg oneus ive not heard abt them in a WHILE

ooooo ive only heard the part that replays on ig = the chorus so in that sense i grew to like it ive been doing the dance to it that “u know how i like it girrrrlll” part kdvwmcjclikc I DIDNT LISTEN TO JACKS PWRT IM AFRAID ITLL RUIN IT FOR ME FBWKDJKW LMFAOOOO honestly i don’t mind,, i do hope his album has lil different genres, pop, dance, r&b, reggaeton etc excited for it actually!!

hmm so i get the whole “ur a kpop idol pls maintain a image” but honestly it’s not that bad??? it’s a creative choice and it’s a form of dance that’s on the more provocative side?? but u know what i do dislike, those toilets they have in the men’s washroom at crazy house that are a WOMENS MOUTH STRUCTURE. if it’s seen as an empowering thing, i completely disagree with it

but again, idk the issue but i also get why knetizens r talking abt it bc asia is quite conservative to these things so they find it weird and all and prefer to keep it under wraps UNLIKE THEIR MEN THAT GO SEE IT SO FJWKDJKW ur right,, if any other man did it (they literally do it w the stage outfits some of them wear) they’d get 100k likes and praises but when it’s blackpink and blackpink esp it’s suddenly a big controversy

AAAAAAAAAAAAAA STOP THIS IS SO EXCITING I LOVE TALKING ABT TRADITIONALS FJWKDJKWHSKS stop the 10/10 mom daughter bonding moment omg i do this w my mom like thrice a week and get to wear her wedding clothes and jewelry!! STOP NOT HER BRINGING THE SAREES OUT AAAAAAAAAAAAA A 90’S MISTRESS??? 😩 UR MAKEUP BETTER BE THE UNAPPROACHABLE ONE W THOSE JHUMKASS STOP IT

omg ur turning into a women, i used to be like that too (partially bc we never have events for me to wear them at) but it’s so comforting and feminine-y to pick out fabrics and jewelries and matching outfits for weddings 😭😭😭 ur turning into a women omg <33333 but omf lmk i will rec u stores to buy clothes from and ur gonna gate keep them 🔫

STOP THOSE CHEEKS STOP IT IM GONNA BITE

link no.

11 YEARS?? ELEVEN YEARS???? WHAT THE FUCK????? ANON UR A CHILD WHY R U HERE …. he’s 4 years older than me 😭😭

[wearequeer-andwearehere]

hey!! this might be really long and if so i'm sorry for that, just trying to figure some stuff out.

okay basically, i'm a cis female and idk what my sexuality is. i've never been in a relationship, never had strong feelings for anyone, i've kissed three boys all in club settings, and i am so confused.

i think women are pretty?? and i love looking at them in a respectful, 'you're so gorgeous way', and men are good looking in a very different way to me but i still think i'm attracted to them

i'd like to kiss a girl but i can't ever see myself being in a relationship with one. and i don't know if that is some sort of internalised homophobia that i need to address or if it's just lack of experience, bc i don't think i can see myself with a guy. or maybe a can because it's what i see all around me???

and then the idea of being approached by a women in a sexual/romantic way scares me. is that just lack of experience??

and then i've had multiple people say to me 'are you sure you aren't gay?' and other things along those lines in a non-serious way, and if i am queer, i feel like i'm proving them right, and how did i not see or realise this sooner?? like i should've known right?? if everyone else did??

and a lot of my friends are queer and i feel really safe and accepted with them, so i don't know if i just want to be apart of that and am simply creating issues that aren't even there to begin with??

but then i've dreamt about being with women and straight women don't have them?? right?

then i tell myself i don't have to know right now, but it seems like everyone else but me knows. i'm 20 yrs old and i have NO idea about anything, and maybe that's okay? plus sexuality is fluid? and always changing so maybe i'll never know?

this was very messy and i'm sorry for that, but if you have any advice or thoughts, i'd be so grateful, i'm so overwhelmed right now. - a <3

Hi hi hi A!! Don’t worry about it long rambly asks are totally fine I’m here for u homie

Wow bro ur getting some action 😭 😭 can we switch places lmao

Oh wow you’re 20?? Okay disclaimer, I am a teenager haha so take everything I say with a pinch of salt bc I explored this whole sexuality thing when I was like 13, so we’ve had v different experiences but I’ll try my best to help u out bro I gotchu

What do you mean by “in a different way?” That can mean two things. Do you find women pretty objectively and men like ATTRACTIVE, or are you attracted to both men and women in different ways?

The whole being scared thing is, as my generation would say, a Big Mood. It could be either internalised homophobia or lack of experience or maybe you just don’t like women at all.

In terms of dreaming about being with women, that could mean anything or nothing. Dreams are just your subconscious putting everything in a blender and pouring the smoothie of hell into your sleep brain. It could mean you want to be with women or it could mean that shit in ur skull is just fucking around.

Honey you do NOT have to know right know. You’re twenty. That’s like. You’ve lived like 25% of your life, approximately. That’s jack shit. That’s not even the pass mark on most tests. You have got SO MUCH of your life left to live, you’ve got like decades and shit man, you don’t gotta have everything down right now. Talk to like ur parents or older friends and see *how much* life you have ahead of you.

It’s possible that this may also be contributing to that whole young adult early 20s “oh my god everyone else knows everything and i’m floundering” but honey trust me EVERYONE is floundering. Everyone is fucked. People seem put together but trust me dude we are all goddamn messes. You’re not alone. So many people are trying to figure themselves out, just like you.

Imma be fr thinking about this shit? Overrated. You’ll just think urself into another spiral and it’ll be the mental equivalent of doing like 19 buzzfeed quizzes titled “Am I Gay?” at 3:41am and wondering where ur life is going.

Just. Stop thinking. I know it’s hard trust me I have shitass anxiety and it’s so so hard to stop thinking but stop. Tell ur brain to stfu

And then just think of one thing. what makes you HAPPY?

Because that’s all that matters in the long run, doesn’t it?

Kiss a girl and see if it makes you happy. Kiss a guy and ask yourself the same thing.

If I were you, what I would personally do is just uhhh fuck around and find out? Go to a bunch of clubs and just be really slutty til things eventually make sense lmaoo

But once again that’s not for everyone so maybe just try and think about it. Does the idea of being with a girl make you happy? With a guy? Being single?

Also one idea might be for you to explore the aromantic label—you said you’ve never had strong feelings for anyone and it sounds like you might be aro. Look under my #aro questioning tag and check out these posts:

Remember, A, there’s no time limits on these things. There’s no deadlines. You’re young, you’ve got your whole life ahead of you, so take it slow and just be HAPPY and be true to yourself. Bend society to fit you—don’t bend yourself to fit labels, yknow what Im saying? Labels aren’t all that important at the end of the day. Just. Just *be.*

I hope I could help you out A!! Sending so so much love <3333 If you ever wanna talk again feel free to drop me an ask!! Have an awesome day <33

[queenofallimagines]

The demon brothers reacting to black mc wash day

The way there are like four black characters in this game but not a single X black reader🤨 like I know you like making all your MC‘s pasty skinny insecure white girls but we don’t do that over here(Also can you notice I got side tracked with beel? Lmao)

Lucifer:

- okay so you may think he’s like thousands of years old so he knows everything about humans but he knows nothing

- He just assumes mammon let’s his hair do whatever

- Honestly thought he was buying all those hair products just to spend money smh

- So when he sees you walking by with a basket full of stuff he’s like??? Is it necessary

- “Hey Luci, mams is out so can you help me do my hair?”

- On the outside he’s all “ahah tiny human needs help”

- But we know he’s a big softy he’s trying not to cry bc that’s so domestic and intimate and he’s a sucker for that stuff

- Especially bc you made it clear(mainly asmo) that nobody could touch your hair without asking first

- “It would be my pleasure.”

- So he’s lowkey overwhelmed by the amount of stuff you have in the counter

- “You use all this???”

- “I got more in my bag”

- ????? Hello??

- But he’s a fast learner and gives great massages

- Got you falling asleep in the sink and he’s just starring at you with heart eyes

- “Next I defangle right?”

- “Yeah”

- Okay so please forgive him

- He’s used to trying-

- Keyword is try

- Ti helo mammon with his hair

- So he is snatching out the knots

- Like you thought your mom or auntie was bad?

- He’s pulling your head ALL the way back

- “LUCIFER”

- “Yeah?”

- Lmao you gotta use the pact to beat his ass

- “If you yank out another clump of my hair I will beat your ass.”

- Takes his time detangling now

- Mammon is laughing bc this why he don’t ask him for help no more

- “Yanked the shit outta your head didn’t he?”

- “BRO WHY IS HE SO ROUGH??”

- He had no idea how to braid so he will ask asmo how to braid your hair in secret

- He learns how to do cornrows pretty fast

- Will kiss your scalp when he thinks your sleeping too

- He loves how you smell

- He’s gon steal ya shea butter and blame it on asmo or mammon and he will lie straight through his teeth

- “I have shea butter already lucifer :/ you ain’t fooling nobody”

- Keeps a red silk bonnet on his room just for you

- Got silk pillowcases too

- He’s about a 6/10 on the scale bc he will give you the worst migraine if your life

Mammon:

- he’s literally black Lmao

- You can argue with ya moms idc he’s black and the devs know it too

- But he’s obviously the best at this

- My boy may have a silk press but you better believe when the humidity hits its back to 4c

- When he hears you complaining about how all your expensive hair products are back in the human realm he bust in with his loud ass

- “As your first man it’s obviously up to me to help u get that head together”

- Sir🤨 what you tryna say

- He’s super nervous bc he’s tender headed and only asmo and Lilith were allowed to touch his scalp

- “You can,,be a little rougher”

- He’s soft as hell lmao

- After wards will take you shopping for hair stuff

- He has like a whole drawer full of durags and bonnets

- “What color you want?”

- He’s the real plug lmao

- You and him be laughing at inside jokes the others can’t understand

- The black body language

- “👀🤨😘”

- “😌😙🥺”

- “What the fuck are y’all saying??”

- Bothering Satan!!

- Bro you can’t tell me he don’t look like any other white boy with a rich dad!!

- “I know he’s not wearing kakis”

- “It’s drip or drown and the water beating his ass”

- Anyway

- He will play prince

- Best wash day playlist on god

- Having Simon join in🥺🥺

- Maybe even helping diavolo not heat damage his hair🥰

- Y’all just have whole sleepovers

- Coordinating wash days so y’all can share products

- Group chat with hair inspo

- Macc daddy mc: okay but what if I pop out with these white locs?

- Mamoney: YOOO I GOT SOME LOC JEWELRY FOR THOSE

- angelfoodcake: I think they would look good in a bun

- Dia: slay!

- I’m sorry but he used aave bc he don’t know what it means like Lucifer is struggling bc he will say Random shit

- You I turn help with his hair

- He is super bougie with his product too

- “This is deep conditioner from the third layer of hell that contains the screams and tears of kkk members.”

- “…. Okay”

- Him and asmo do spa days shut up he’s a model he loves self care

- Right after wash day they do face masks

- Beaks combs

- Like his hair has a life of of its own you gotta ease into that mf bc you will start snapping metal combs

- Very chaotic but relaxing

Leviathan:

- lmao okay so this will be a struggle

- Like a first date with sweaty hands

- He probably buys a black hair salon simulator 😭😭

- Probably dry combs your hair

- Like he thought you were a demon for a sec when you whipped your head around

- “Boy I will rock your shit”

- “🥺🥺 okay”

- Might purposely mess up to have you snap on him at first he likes it when your sadistic

- But he will take it seriously when your a breath away from asking someone else for help

- He got them Gamer hands so he can section and part like a professional

- “Hand me the gel”

- Likes trying different hair styles out

- His favorite is a wash n go bc he likes seeing how it comes out differently every time

- Also you can wear your cute lil bedtime hat🥰

- He sleeps in a whole ass bathtub so he gets silk sheets and comforters and just piles em all in there

- Will wear a silk shirt to sleep bc he usually holds you when y’all slept together

- Will buy cute ruri-Chan clips to put in your hair

- Also devil horn clips that asmo bought you give him a heart attack every time

- Let’s you use his T-shirts as a towel

- Will bitch at you if you all asleep without wearing your bonnet

- “So you not wear the tsl bonnet got you for your birthday?”

- When he learns how to brain he could have half your head done in like 40 mins

- You already know he has all the slice of life anime with black main characters lined up for y’all to watch

- He’s trying his best and he is definitely succeeding

Satan:

- lmao okay so this one is funny

- Mr. Hit me or my father will sue

- He seems like he would get super frustrated and yank your hair out

- But I’ve men him personally and he wouldn’t never do that

- Before you even ask he’s read all the books he can and bothered mammon about it so he’s prepared

- He wouldn’t forgive himself if he hurt you anyway

- Prides himself on being better than Lucifer at something

- So when you offhandedly ask him to help with your hair he’s smiling so bright

- “Of course mc I’d love to”

- He’s already in his head trying to figure out which hairstylist

- Like he’s masters regular waves and finger waves

- He’s got this on lock

- He’s so gentle when he’s massaging your scalp

- “We should do a hot oil treatment,,,, just to be safe”

- Can’t be a lazy natural around him no sir

- He bothers you DAILY about your head and always got summ to say

- Like simmer down white boy worry about your cardigan 🙄

- “I can tell you ain’t oil your scalp last night”

- Boy if you don’t-

- Loves twist outs

- He can study your hair more that way

- Like what makes it not come out frizzy,how to make it pop

- Him and asmo are sifting through your hair products to make sure only the best ingredients are in there

- He’s your white knight too

- Anyone try to touch your hair demon or otherwise getting an elbow to the spinal cord no questions asked

- “Do you think your hair has high or low porosity?”

- He got your hair stats sitting in a notebook somewhere

- “High density with very fine strands.”

- Like he knows your hair more than you do

- Buys you a cat shower cap

- Also cat ears

- Cat anything you put on your head really he thinks they make you look cute

- “Mc! Do you want to listen to this audiobook with me? It’s about black hair throughout the decade.”

- Listening to natural hair horror stories on YouTube is a favorite past time

- Another one who loves the small of your products

- Will probably stand super close to you at all times to smell your hair

- “Smells like home”

- Like if he smells cocoa butter a mile away he knows your close by

- Go white boy go!

Asmodeus:

- Tbh he probably don’t know much about your hair

- Yeah he’s helped mams on occasions but that don’t mean y’all got the same hair texture or style

- Mams has like 4 a b and c all over

- You can too but I like to think his head a mess and he got different coils all over the place

- So he’s watching you like a hawk to see what products you be using

- Gets you even more expensive stuff

- “Do I need it tho?”

- “MC! This won’t be available for another century! Of course you need it!!”

- Loves doing puffs and pineapples

- Like he’s the master of doing edges

- So he lies it when he can see them clearly

- “My hard work🥰”

- Plenty of pictures

- # wash day!

- He probably got a long ass routine too so you guys do wash day together

- “You seen my African black soap?”

- “….. no”

- Steals your products too

- He wants to smell like a tropical garden too😡 you gotta share

- Buys you a silk durag that you wear in pictures

- Probably has bonnets that you can only wear in photos too

- His whole bed is silk sheets so don’t even worry

- He will be on your neck tho about your hair like Satan

- “ why is it so frizzy?? Did you not deep condition for 45 mins like I told you?”

- Says your stressing him out when you don’t deangle properly

- Lots of shopping trips

- Will match your outfits with your hair

- “Let me see what your hair looks like we got plans today”

- Favorite style is box braids and a fade

Beelzebub:

- baeby

- Like imma need y’all to stop thinking he’s stupid

- He’s a himbo but he knows about sex like his brother is the avatar of lust stop assuming he don’t know how to use the monster between his legs >:/

- Bc he knows how to EAT if anything else

- Anyway he will wash your hair in the shower

- His arms never get tired so he’s down to help you pull off a fly ass install

- Wig

- Some braids

- Locks

- Anything

- He is always ready and willing to help🥰

- Might eat your products tho

- “Where did my hair mayonnaise go??”

- “That wasn’t for my sandwich???”

- Lmao just get non scented stuff

- Probably gets horny bc you smell so good

- “I want to devour you”

- Go head then😳

- Soft dom but doesn’t know your limits so accidentally fucks you stupid

- Like he never realizes how hard he’s going or how feral he’s being

- So your brainless and drooling

- Tapped out like 5 orgasms ago

- And he’s like “you good?”

- Lmao he does kinda have an idea tho bc your choking on your own words begging him to slow down but he can’t get enough of your expression

- Wash day might as well be blow your back out day tbh

- Bc after you put your hair in that wrap it’s dinner time

- He’s gon make sure you are tired out

- Favorite hairstyle is those cute mini locs you get when your first licking your hair

- I think he likes short hair the most idk

- Let’s you use any of his shorts to dry your hair

- Will take off the shirt he’s wearing to let you dry your hair

- Will always have an umbrella ready in case it starts to rain

- Saw you upset bc it was storming and he bings an umbrella everywhere now

- Cute hair scarves

- Like he got you this cute marble orange scarf that you wear when you go on dates

Belphegor:

- This mf 😒

- I refuse to believe he’s the one that *spoiler for lesson 16*

- He’s literally so cute??? Like that’s a baby if I’ve ever seen one

- Dont let that cute face fool you tho

- He’s an menace

- Especially with hair

- Did you see that selfie he took?

- Yeah he’s a mess he don’t do mu with his hair but let it grow out

- Too tired to help you out with wash day but will hype you up

- Sleepily give you compliments and give cometary when asked

- “Try the other gel it might work better”

- “That Bantu knot of slightly bigger than the other one”

- will make sure your scarf stays safe all night

- 30 silk pillows

- “I stole this one from lucifer”

- Secretly refills your product when you’re running out

- The bottle was almost empty and now it’s completely full

- Will massage your scalp when washing your hair in the sink

- “This feels so domestic”

- He’s very soft about it

- Smiling the entire time

- Tells you you look cute to get you flustered

- Buys you cute hair accessories

- Like where did that cow hair pin come from?

- Definitely not him

- If your getting nasty he will ruin the whole mood to put your scarf on lmao

- “Ayo wait a min”

- Keeps one bonnet hidden in all his sleeping spots

- Just in case

- If your products got lavender in it he will fall asleep right next to your head

- “You smell so good I couldn’t resist mc”

[batlingsstuff]

|| DREAM SMP HEADCANONS ||

✧─── ･ ｡ﾟ★: *.✦ .* :★. ───✧

hello! this is my first time doing headcanons, and i just want to clarify some things:

sadly, i won't be doing requests because i'm busy af with school and i dont want to dissapoint anyone, but you can drop some suggestions and i would think about it! it would be really nice :)

also i won't be writing romantic headcanons for minors or those who are uncomfortable with it, but i can do platonic headcanons for them! ^^

i won't be doing nsfw headcanons either, because i'm uncomfy with sexualizing real people and just writing nsfw in general :)

also, please tell me if someone is uncomfortable with fanfics and/or headcanons and i will erase that part as fast as possible, thanks for passing by! - batling

✦ means platonic

✦ characters : ranboo, tubbo, tommy, philza, techno and jschlatt

♥ means romantic

♥ characters: quackity, wilbur, nihachu, dream, george, sapnap, eret, karl, fundy and bbh

keywords:

(y/n) : your name

(n/n) : nickname

(p/p) : pizza place

✧─── ･ ｡ﾟ★: *.✦ .* :★. ───✧

“As he read, I fell in love the way you fall asleep: slowly, and then all at once.” – John Green

┌────── ⋆⋅✦⋅⋆ ──────┐

SLEEPOVERS

---

GENDER NEUTRAL

└────── ⋆⋅✦⋅⋆ ──────┘

♥ Quackity

oh boy

i just have two words for this one: pure chaos

he will punch you with a pillow if you try to sleep

and you will be MAD at this

grabbing a pillow and hitting him RIGHT IN THE FACE with all your strenght

he'll probably fake cry about it, saying that you hurt him

after a while of pillow fighting, you guys got tired and plopped into the bed, snuggling into eachother and just enyoing the comfortable silence before drifting to sleep

♥ Wilbur

you two will probably blast hamilton and scream the lyrics till the neighbours wake up and you get angry knocks at your door

and you will laugh at that, lowering the speaker's volume and telling him to lower his voice aswell to avoid your neighbours calling the police

then you'll eat snacks and talk about anything that pops into your mind, laughing at the most silly jokes

he will sing sweet songs to you, making you fall asleep to his calming voice

summary: fluff

♥ Nihachu

you and her will bake pastries at a very late hour

she REALLY enjoys baking with you bc she thinks it's a great way to spend time with you

all this girl wants is to spend her time by your side, doing particularlly anything like streaming, baking, playing games and going outside for a walk and/or shopping

once you finished baking, she will kiss your cheek multiple times. that's her way to tell you that you did a great job :)

you'll spend the rest of the night cuddling, eating your pastries and watching some random movie, commenting about how bad it is and laughing

♥ Dream

bruh

this bitch will speedrun the sleepover

is it possible to speedrun a sleepover? maybe

you'll spend the rest of the night probably playing uncharted 3: drake's deception in his old ps3

after a while, you guys got bored from uncharted and went to his pc to play amnesia: the dark descent

there are 2 options:

you will be scared as fuck and will avoid looking at the screen when you think something bad will happen or when some body will come out from a drawer

or you will be totally chill with it, laughing hard when clay pisses his pants for real when he encounters the gatherer

you named the gatherer 'bob' :)

♥ George

he'll take you to the rooftop

and pushes you so you fall to your death

i mean

he gets blankets and pillows so you can stargaze together

he'll teach you the constelations while pointing them, excited about every single one of them

"look (y/n), that's the ursa major!"

he'll have hot chocolate prepared too, so you don't get cold while stargazing

you try your best to not fall asleep on the rooftop

but eventually fail

when he notices you're asleep, he stops talking about the constellations and carries you to your bedroom, giving you a goodnight kiss and leaving you in your bed so you can have a peaceful rest

♥ Sapnap

hey mamas

i don't know what sapnap will do in a sleepover so i will just improvise B)

you will watch anime together

not any kind of anime, like that romance-comedy bullcrap

no fuck that

you will watch the classy angsty anime like madoka magica

WATCH IT IF YOU HAVEN'T ALREADY

you will fucking cry because of literally anything that happens to the characters

"(y/n) why are you crying it's just a show"

'IT'S NOT ANY SHOW SAPNAP IT'S FUCKING MADOKA MAGICA OF COURSE I'M GOING TO CRY'

the last chapter made you fucking cry harder

AUTHOR HERE I WAS CRYING SO MUCH WHEN IT ENDED

yeah you will basically watch anime with him, cry about it and he will comfort you and bring you a glass of water so you don't have a terrible headache after it

I KNOW THIS HEADCANON SUCKED I'M SO SORRY

♥ Eret

KINGG <3

you two will plan a picnic in your yard

yes your yard

he'll bring a ton of snacks and you'll buy a few drinks

you two spend the rest of the picnic talking about your future and enjoying the snacks

then, he'll make you stand up and will teach you how to dance tango

and of course you will mess everything up

and you even stomped on his feet accidentally, making him wimper

but he brushed off the pain and laughed at your concerned face

after calming down his laughter, he gave you a passionate kiss and hugged you tightly

i love eret ok

♥ Karl Jacobs

this man.

this man is the definition of sweet

you'll spend the night cuddling and making cute pet names for eachother

he will definetely give you a great back massage if you're stressed

then he'll start writing love letters full of things he adore of you

and you'll do the same for him

after that, you will share your letters and just snuggle and smile at the sweet things you guys wrote for eachother

he will deffo shower you with kisses when he finishes reading your letter, telling you that you're the nicest person on earth

and that he loves you so so much

♥ Fundy

i'm a huge fundy simp ok

he will bring his piano to your house and you guys will compose a melody together

he will let you sit on his lap while you play the piano/keyboard with him

fundy will basically teach you how to play basic piano songs

you asked him if you guys could play megalovania together

he said no :(

but still you got to play nice songs together without messing up

and when you got the hang of it, he snuggled his face in your neck and kissed you there genly

and when you got tired, he started playing very calming songs and you fell asleep in his lap, snuggling into his chest

he gently carried to your room and will sleep beside you putting a fair distance so you can have a comfortable sleep!

♥ BadBoyHalo

bbh supremacy

he will get rat ready so you can snuggle with her too :)

you guys will mainly play with rat and talk about life in general

he will call you tons of cute pet names

ofc he will call you muffin it's bbh who we're talking about

he will talk about how bad he wants to spend the rest of his life with you

after a while, he will take you to his kitchen and start making muffins together

he will guide you on how to bake 'em though

you guys had a great time making muffins and cuddling with him and rat :)

══════ ∘◦❀◦∘ ══════

✦ Ranboo

tall mf gives the best piggy back rides

when he gets to your house there is a 100% chance he will bump his head on the door frame

and there is a 100% chance you will make fun of him because of that

"(y/n) please stop laughing my head hurts :("

you'll give him some ice to put on his head while you two play minecraft on your ps4

you will bring snacks too and ask him if his head is better

"yeah, thank you (n/n)"

he will pull you in a hug so you can be comfy together while you play good ol' minecraft

because ranboo surely doesn't play anything besides fucking minecraft

stfu that video of him playing spooky's jump scare mansion doesn't exist

✦ Tubbo

SWEET BE BOYY <3

he will gift you a bee plushie

expect a lot of (FRIENDLY) hugs from him

like fundy, you guys will play piano together

you guys are most likely to prank call some random numbers AND your friends

and you accidentally called some random pizza place

"hello! this is (p/p), may i take your order?"

you were nervous and didn't know what to say

UNTIL YOU CAME UP WITH A GREAT IDEA

"hello? are you there?"

'hi yes, i would like to order 7 extra large pepperoni pizzas to (tommy's adress).'

"oh- okay! uhm- they will arrive in a few hours. are you okay with that?"

'yes ma'am, thank you.'

when you ended the call, you couldn't help but burst out laughing, knowing that tommy will be so mad at you guys-

✦ Tommy

like quackity, PURE. CHAOS.

you guys will obviously stream your sleepover

doing a q&a stream :)

tubbo and wilbur will probably crash your stream and start spamming things like 'MEETUP??' and 'DIDN'T GET AN INVITE'

you guys laughed and added them to the call

"WHY THE FUCK DIDN'T YOU GUYS INVITE ME?" wilbur shouted

'i'm sorry willlll'

you kept playing minecraft with wilbur, tubbo and quackity too since he crashed your stream like an hour later

after the stream, you got up and plopped on the mattress that was on the floor

"tired?"

'yeah'

"okay, good night big (initial)"

✦ Philza

POG

YEAHHH SLEEPOVER WITH THE MINECRAFT GOD

AND KRISTIN'S THERE TOO :)))

and oh god you ADORE kristin

i'm pretty sure she's a total sweetheart

it would be like having a sleepover with your parents

only that it's less boring

you guys will watch a movie together, you will be in one side of the couch eating snacks while phil and kristin are in the other cuddling

you'll eventually bug them about it

after the movie, you fell asleep early and philza noticed, talking to kristin about it too

and wrapped a blanket around you so that you get a good rest :)

✦ Technoblade

mr. blood god teaches you the arts of the CRAFT.

yeah i mean it's techno what else does he play besides minecraft

he will play bedwars w/ u, teaching you how to pvp

"bro you kinda suck tbh"

'stfu techno'

he will comment about how bad you are, but tries to help you get better anyways

and when you do a very poggers gamer move, he praises you

and when he praises you you're all :)))

after awhile, he gets tired from watching you play minecraft and suggest watching anime

fucking weeb

i mean

uh

other thing you guys do together in a sleepover is playing and commenting about pokemon

if you don't like pokemon get tf out of here /J

i was joking please don't leave i respect your tastes

✦ Jschlatt

ooooh boy

get ready for a session of wii training

that's all you guys will do

play wii sports and some other shit like wii music

he will laugh his ass of if you fall while playing wii fit

but he will eventually help you bc outside his funny and shouty persona, he's a really chill guy and a really nice person!

seriously like have you ever seen a theweeklyslap video?

well expect hearing amazing pep talks from him

bc this man is a legend and knows his way to words and is very good at comforting people :)

sometimes you'll rant to him about anything that's happening in your life, and he will listen to you and give you really helpful advice

and you appreciate him so much for that

✧─── ･ ｡ﾟ★: *.✦ .* :★. ───✧

TYSM FOR READING GUYS, i appreciate it if you made it this far :)

i hope you guys really enjoyed these headcanons, it's my first time doing them and aa i'm a bit nervous about posting this but i'll be fine ig

also i'm sorry if there's a grammatical error, english is not my native language and i'm still learning it :) have a nice day/night, drink water and don't fuck up your sleeping schedule!!

[jungxk]

just one (viii)

summary: the only guy on campus who’s track record trumped that of your best friend’s - park jimin - was jeon jungkook. not that that was a problem…until he set his sights on you.

notes: first of all i wanna thank the people who supported me and encouraged me through one of the worst writers blocks of my life. all the messages and comments are the reason why i finally managed to post this. special thanks to @whippedforkook for helping me with the monstrous tagging process as well as giving me so much praise. and also @lonelyending for cheering me on for a literal YEAR bc thats how long i cried over this fic! this story is so special to me. we’re in the home stretch now x

warnings: mentions of illegal drug use and distribution, swearing, brief smut.

genre: drama, romance, humour, college!au

wordcount: 8k

tagging: @cutechim @benz-biarritz @gyukult @bangulin @eatersanonymous @alyssa1926 @skivv1es @a-sucker-for-them-sappy-shit @moonights @jeymuffins @juuneaux @catsukiii @andreaisaac @whatheydontunderstand @sreveles @noruls619 @henryharios @just-a-fuxked-up-kid @befriendswithj @btsbesharam @poemsandpunani @taelha @misosoup-forthesoul @jikooksmut @heart-eyedmf @the-piano-woman @angrysunshine @chaoticpaperfanhoagie @jsungshine @ci-yen @faby-montana @shinypeanutsportshero @jooniestrivia @alucards-s @cynamyngirl @jiminie-angel @myskoova @jkshoneybuns @smokintae @remmykinsff @majinbuwu @jangx2manboongx2 @potatodogs @seul-queen @alpharyth @blenxxxg @plsky @th-singularity @bapbaptothetop @hermiones-enchantment @stomachfilledwithbutterflies @euphorora @supachloe94 @jiminxjimout @ggukkieland @just-another-fic-recs-blog @jalexad​

part i // part ii // part iii // part iv // part v // part vi // part vii // part viii // part ix // part x

x

4 years ago

x

jimin hated yugyeom.

well, maybe hate was a strong word. he just didn't like talking to him, being around him, hearing his name or interacting with him on any level, social or otherwise. he really tried though, since he was one of jungkook's closest friends and still respectfully referred to him as hyung above all else. and if anything, jimin would always have a soft spot for jungkook, the kid he used to coddle when his own brother wasn't around. but having said that, there wasn't really much basis for not liking yugyeom. it was just a gut feeling jimin couldn't explain, a very subtle callousness about him only jimin could pick up on. for the most part he was just like very other mild mannered boy by day and party animal by night, but jimin still ducks when he sees him enter the library.

"fuck," he hisses under his breath, scooping up his laptop to stride behind a book shelf for good measure. because sometimes, contrary to popular belief, jimin wanted to be alone. he didn't want to make small talk or listen to someone tell him about how well they scored on their last paper or complain about their annoying girlfriend. sometimes jimin wanted to have no thoughts and listen to fleetwood mac as per his human rights. which is why he shoves into the first private study room he sees.

and not an empty one at that. there's a girl inside, sitting cross-legged in her chair at a desk with an array of dried up paint tubes and brushes surrounding open sketchbooks. you don't look annoyed or even that phased, just amused as you give him a once over before going back to painting. "on the run from solji?"

jimin blinks, back still pressed against the door. "huh?" he regards you properly. "i'm sorry, have we met before?"

"not really," you admit with a sheepish smile, which is when jimin suddenly realises that you're...attractive. "solji is in my stats class. you hooked up with her last week at some party and she told me about it."

"oh," jimin takes in your plethora of art supplies. "you don't look like a stem student."

there's a glimmer of something in your eyes, and though you hide it well jimin knows he's struck a nerve. "yeah, i get that a lot."

"it's not solji by the way," jimin clarifies. for some reason. "that i'm hiding from. just a bellend i don't have the energy for right now."

you smile. "it's fine. you don't owe me your life story."

"i do when i'm about to impose on your...study time," jimin peers through the window in the door, wincing when yugyeom enters the hallway. "what would it take for you to let me stay in here for a while?"

you pause for a second. "honestly? just be quiet and leave me alone. is that okay?"

jimin perks up, a weight leaving his chest. "perfect, actually."

x

x

x

[jungkook 11:42pm]: why does it say wings on it

[jungkook 11:42pm] where is it flying

[you: 11:43pm] ffs kook

[you: 11:44pm] im still on the toilet can u just hurry up

[you 11:44pm] grab some tampons too pls

[jungkook 11:46pm] fine what size pussy do u wear

[you 11:46pm] i hate u

[jungkook 11:53pm] ???? ? ? well? ????

[you 11:54pm] REGULAR 

jungkook giggles at his phone, already having left the women's sanitary aisle to grab some chocolate. months later and teasing you was still bundles of fun. he knew for a fact that you were sat there with that angry pout on your face, nose crinkled. he had never bought anything like this before, but jungkook had enough brain cells to know that chocolate was another necessity for that time of the month. after grabbing a large hazelnut bar, he pauses beside the oreos before grabbing a packet of those too. just for good measure. he strides to the self checkout - because even he wasn't man enough for the cashier yet - nearly dropping his array of sanitary products and confectionary when somebody calls out his name from behind the queue.

"kook!" the voice is unmistakably yugyeom's, confirmed by the hand that clamps jungkook over the shoulder and swivels him round before he could think about hiding his socially compromising shopping items. it takes a second for yugyeom to notice, doing a double take at the pads atop his small tower of goods. he holds back a laugh, balancing a bottle of gin in one hand while he waves back at some friends to continue. they were clearly making their pit stop before a night out, probably pre's if they still start as late as jungkook remembers. with his hair styled and expensive cologne lingering, jungkook almost forgets he probably looks unrecognisable in his sweats and cotton-fresh hoodie. friday nights weren't for cuddling. still, yugyeom's smile is welcoming and familiar. "got the munchies? and maybe also a uterus?"

"shut up," jungkook grumbles, averting his eyes. he shifts to his other foot uncomfortably. "my friend just needed a favour, that's all."

"uh huh," yugyeom gives him a teasing look. "is this friend the reason why i barely saw you at jin's the other week?"

jungkook blinks back at him. "wait, you were at that party? i had no idea!" a boyish smile breaks over his face. "why didn't you call me? i haven't seen you since-"

"minseok-hyung's new years eve party," yugyeom throws his head back with a laugh. "remember how we ended up on a boat after the ball dropped and-"

"spent all of new years day detained by the coast guard!" jungkook finishes with a mischievous cackle of his own, nearly dropping the tampons in the process. "fuck, that was so much fun! we need to meet up again, i haven't been out with the guys in so long."

"well no wonder," he quips a brow at jungkook's shopping again. "word got out you're a family man but i didn't believe it. until now, that is."

jungkook's smile falls. "what do you mean?"

yugyeom looks at him for a second, confused by jungkook's surprise. yugyeom was never quite as diplomatic as namjoon or yoongi, to put it lightly. and definitely nowhere near as accomodating as jimin. which is why his next words make jungkook's back stiffen. "bro, look at yourself. you got dairy milk in one hand and tampax in the other. on a friday night. the next time i see you i wouldn't be shocked if you had a baby buggy and a mortgage." still, yugyeom throws him an apologetic look. like a mouse caught in a trap. "face it, kook. you're old news."

"what? that's not true," his brows furrow unhappily. "i don't know what you're talking about. it's not like she's my..."

he can't say the word, but it hangs between them like a dead weight.

"yeah, right," the condescending look on yugyeom's face was starting to agitate him. "you totally blanked us at jin's after she showed up. not even just jin's..." he thinks twice about holding his tongue, but as always, decides against it. "i don't know you, jungkook. whoever this new jungkook is. it's been months. you used to hit us up and be independent and spontaneous and wild and now you're just...someone's boyfriend.

"stop fucking saying that," jungkook snaps, all visible signs of friendliness gone.

"why?" a beat. "do you even use a wrap with her anymore?"

jungkook splutters, heat rushing to his ears and hands in a stinging combination of anger and embarrassment. "how is that any of your business? the fuck are you asking me something like that, as if you-"

"thought so," yugyeom looks away from him with a sigh. if anything, yugyeom knew never to overstay his welcome but that clearly backfired tonight. "whatever, jungkook," he looks over his shoulder at him. "guess you're the last one to find out you're officially married."

"you're ridiculous," jungkook scoffs. "all this over condoms? grow up, yugyeom."

"only couples do it raw," yugyeom turns away from him, alcohol in tow as he waves a hand over his shoulder to join his friends like jungkook was nothing but a lost cause. "you would remember that if you still had game."

jungkook stands there, dumbfounded while the group of boys exit the store noisily but he can't hear a thing. the siren that had been itching the back of his mind all this time was suddenly there at full force, right between his eyes. the glaring truth that yugyeom might be right makes his knees buckle. all those rules jungkook once had, all those measures he kept in place to protect his liberty, to prevent this very occurence - where were they? what happened to them? as the sweet and accommodating counterpart to jimin, why had you never complied? though, the blame wasn't on your hands alone. he got complacent, comfortable. lenient. and now without even realising he was here, a scene from a romcom in the middle of the night, with nothing to say for himself but fuck. the realisations wouldn't stop racing, one after another on the conveyer belt of his anxiety.

the photos on his phone; mostly you. time spent, usually with you. the portfolio for his latest photography module also had some resemblance to your interests. charcoal pencils, night drives, orchids. like the ones you always drew on any scrap of paper lying around. now that he thinks about it, he's seen nothing but your orchids for months. and not just that - you wore his clothes sometimes too. his bathroom had your toothbrush, contraceptive pills and coconut shampoo. his closest friends, his hyungs...not one of them was devoid of affection for you. he wasn't even confident that if the choice was presented, they would still pick him over you.

by the time jungkook finishes paying and practically sprints to his truck in a daze, he can hardly keep himself from shaking. he palms the wheel compulsively, he could feel the sweat in his sideburns, hoodie suddenly suffocating him. it smelled of you.

and then, like a final curtain call: was he just your latest fixer-upper project? some good girl wet dream to play out in the wake of your emotionally traumatic past? a slap in the face to seokjin, maybe, and nothing more? when you were done, when he was out of your system, when you knew his taste by heart and had nothing new left to try - would you stay? did you even know how to?

did he?

jungkook starts the engine. he drives to your door, drops your bag of snacks and pads on the porch, and texts you before leaving. he does not go inside.

x

x

x

"you sure you'll be okay with just the boys?"

you scoff at seulgi when she pins you with a worrying look, taking some of her clothes out of her bag to re-fold them just so you had something to do with your hands. jisoo had already left for the long weekend with her family, so there was no one there to fill up the empty space between your awakward reply. you didn't know how to tell the girls that jungkook hadn't contacted you in nearly a month. and even though he was a notable flight risk from the beginning, you couldn't help but feel like there was hostility there. every now and again he'd at least send a nude or have a quick phone call when he was drunk or high at three in the morning, but you hadn't heard a peep from him. you couldn't stand the idea of someone you cared about harbouring comtempt for you, but the fear of reaching out and somehow making the situation worse outweighed it tenfold. 

you look up to see seulgi still staring at you with concern. "of course i'll be fine! they're boys, not piranhas."

"at least piranhas contribute our ecosystem. boys just cause problems for the hell of it," seulgi lays a hand on the crown of your head like a berating big sister, swivelling you to look at her in your fit of giggles. the urge to nestle you under blankets like a baby bird made her chest heave, and you could tell. "i'm serious. if jimin tries anything, call me immediately okay?"

"jimin?" you snort. "out of a room full of delinquents, my ex, and taehyung, you're worried about jimin of all people?"

seulgi wrinkles her nose. "god, when you say it like that its like i'm throwing you to the dogs." she pauses. "something's up with jimin. i don't know what it is, but he's...off."

you tilt your head innocently, remembering the brief interaction you had with hobi at seokjin's party. you had been so caught up in jungkook - or lack thereof - you hadn't thought to press him about it afterwards. in truth, jimin remained as...jimin as ever. if he was acting differently you certainly couldn't tell. "you think so?"

"mmm," she leans on the lip of the open suitcase thoughtfully. "but maybe with jungkook there, he'll behave himself."

you gulp, fiddling with his watch on your wrist anxiously. "maybe."

x

x

x

you nearly yelp when you feel a big hand swivel around your waist, bucking into the kitchen counter reflexively. jungkook always did this before rubbing his boner against your ass, but the light scent of citrus and short squeeze lets you know immediately that its taehyung. hoseok, jimin, namjoon and yoongi were still in the living room playing video games, giving taehyung the perfect opening to intercept you. namjoon and yoongi had insisted that you come over to their place after finding out you'd be alone for the weekend, and you had completely refused before taehyung's coaxing. and of course, jimin's persuasive nudging. even though you felt safe and relaxed here, it felt wrong to be in jungkook's friends' place without him. almost like a breaching of an unspoken boundary.

and clearly, taehyung picked up on your discomfort by the way he stared at you so softly. his back was to the sink, his sillhouette particularly long and lean this evening. "you need to lighten up, princess. you keep looking over your shoulder so much it's making me nervous!"

your visibly droop with a sigh. "i'm sorry tae. i've had a lot on my mind lately, and..."

he claps his hands on your shoulders, teeth peeking through his grin. "you're not doing anything illegal by being here without jungkook."

you wince at his name. "have you always been able to read my mind like this?"

"absolutely," taehyung's brown eyes look so rich up close. "you're allowed to have friends that are also his friends, because - and try to stick with me on this - relationships between people are allowed to be independant from the primary circles they met in. mind boggling concept, i know."

you wack him on the chest until he laughs. "stop making fun of my anxious thought processes! its called mental illness, sherlock! i can't help it!"

his nose scrunches cutely, enjoying your first fiery outburst of the day. "whatever. i call it not getting laid for a month and losing critical thinking abilities from it."

you gape at him indignantly while taehyung roars with laughter. "you're such a dickhead," you hiss through gritted teeth, yanking his hair and jabbing your fingers in his sides the way you would with jimin during a tickle fight. "whores have feelings too, taehyung! whores have feelings too!"

you both fall about with laughter, knocking over half the snacks on the counter in the process which only makes the pair of you laugh even more. it's such childish chaos trying to clean up the mess on the tiny kitchen floor that neither of you notice the front door open, or the gust of metaphorical and literal wind that follows. watching taehyung trying to salvage a bag of broken crisps is just so funny that the presence of an another voice in the living room goes unregistered, as do the footsteps leading up the hallway to the kitchen, so you have no time to brace yourself or properly pull yourself together with you see-

"...jungkook."

yours and taehyung's heads snap to the doorway. jungkook stands there with almost complete lack of emotion on his face to the pair of you kneeling in crumbs and napkins. there's a brief pause where the tension in your eye contact alone was so strong that it felt wrong to breathe. but it is shortlived. jungkook tiptoes over you like spilled milk, reaching for a glass of water. you and taehyung lock eyes while the tap runs in the awkward silence. "hey. you okay?"

"um," you're not sure whether to stand up, hug him, look at him, or even face him. "yeah! yeah, i'm fine."

he nods politely. "hyung?"

even taehyung looks visibly uncomfortable. "i'm good."

"cool. see you later," he says, downing the glass impressively fast before leaving the room just as fast as he entered it.

you and taehyung stare at each other again, not understanding why you both feel like kids caught eating cake before dinner. you could feel the sweat pricking at your back from the realisation. jungkook had no idea you'd be here, and given that interaction he'd probably want to leave now. there was always the inkling woven between his radio silence that he was done with you, but you never let yourself take it seriously out of logic. because how could months of passion and tenderness and honesty be undone so irrevocably like that? it didn't make sense. you hadn't changed. you were the same girl he hit on relentlessly and chased against all odds. so what was different now?

"____," taehyung calls your name gently, and it's only then you realise you're already up and trailing after jungkook into the living room. when you walk in he's already putting his shoes on to leave again, barely making eye contact with you while he chats absently to his hyungs so he can look busy. the four boys on the large sofa can only reply wearily, eyes darting between the pair of you like a firework was about to blow to soon. and it was.

you could feel it in your throat, under your breast bone, bubbling up your stomach. "wait, jungkook. um...h-how have you been? i haven't heard from you in-"

"i've been good," he keeps tying and re-tying his laces without looking up. "super busy. you know how it is."

his curtness makes you flinch. this same time last month jungkook used to kiss you senseless before he had both feet in the door. he'd ring the doorbell incessantly like a child and greet you with the biggest, toothiest grin you had ever seen. he'd make fun of your bed head and squeeze your cheeks until you'd snap at him. and now when he looked at you he hated every second of it. your mother had the same look. your eyes start to burn involuntarily. "yeah, i do. how is uni? your final project is due soon, right? what theme did you pick in the end?"

"the one i told you about," he stands up abruptly. "sorry, noona. something came up. i'll see you arou-"

"something came up?" you step closer to him. "something came up the second you saw my face? or did you really just trek all the way to your hyungs' place for a glass of water, jungkook?"

jungkook stiffens, but is determined not to lose face. and it's difficult to do under your big, accusatory eyes and jimin's death stare at his back. the whole room was waiting for his response, so he just shoves his hands in his pockets resolutely. "i needed to see yoongi hyung, but i can come another time."

you fold your arms. "well it's clearly important, and you're here now. so don't let me stop you."

"but you will stop me," jungkook snaps. "that's the problem."

"kook-ah," yoongi warns quietly, but he took one look at your face and knew the damage was done. jimin was already standing up, circling around the back of the sofa towards you. the red lights were all there; your watery eyes, your trembling hands. every breath you took looked difficult for you to complete and only jimin noticed.

"what are you talking about?" you squint. it takes you a second to understand; yoongi's guilty expression, jungkook's indifference. "oh, you're fucking kidding me." your resolve breaks for a second turning away only to glare back at jungkook with so much fire you can hardly stand it. "you're selling again? are you insane, jungkook?"

"see," jungkook's eyes are stony. "i knew you'd get this way."

"what other way am i supposed to get?" his lack of response only infuriates you more. it felt disrespectful. "jungkook, you're not a kid anymore. if you get caught with drugs the consequences are serious! forget the potential jail time, you could get kicked out of university, it would go on your record forever and-"

"stop talking to me like i'm a kid!"

"then stop acting like one!" you hate raising your voice, but it keeps climbing without your approval. "did you think about this for even five minutes? this isn't like just going to juvie like before and being done with it jungkook. your hyungs can't bail you out of everything."

"this is a lot of talk for someone who lapped up those fancy paints without a second thought," jungkook says darkly. his eyes aren't like you remember, his face solemn and near unrecognisable. "or did you think that getting that kind of money overnight is only something that's possible through daddy's credit card?"

dread blooms like a garden inside you. "that's...that's how you bought the paint set?"

"welcome to the real world," he quips. "as if selling overpriced weed to a bunch of pick-me-freshmans is considered a crime against humanity to anyone but you."

"you think that's why i'm yelling at you right now?" your voice was growing hoarse, desperate. "you think that's the problem i have with you being literal drug dealer, jungkook?"

he hates it. the sweltering silence, the judgmental eyes digging into his back, the slow realisation that the tears in your eyes were not at him but for him. jungkook's ears ring enough to make him sway on the spot if his feet weren't planted so firmly on the dingy carpet, this metaphorical ground. he couldn't shake the feeling that his lifestyle was only an issue now because of you, how he never felt a shred of guilt about any of this shit until he met you. and if there was anything that jungkook never responded well to, it was pity. and he could feel it from every person in the room, all people that that once cherished and coddled him until you came along. he swallows, throat dry from the way he couldn't look at you knowing what he was going to say next.

"you're embarrassing yourself, noona. you're not my girlfriend and you never were, so stop acting like it."

cotton. it's very faint, under the layers of conflicting cologne and beer and smoke, but jungkook still smelled of cotton while he spat acid. nobody could speak, even though jungkook never raised his voice let alone a hand to you, it still hit like a slap in the face. it sunk into the walls, your clothes, suddenly every hair on your body felt heavy with it. dirty. the shame came first, the humiliation next. and then the sorrow, the dread, and finally the defeat. you knew the stages well by now, and they were cycling through you like clockwork. how foolish you were, to make the same mistake again. nobody dared to move, everyone but jungkook staring at you in denial and horror. they couldn't believe their eyes when you nod steadily, bowing your head to the floor.

jimin is already slotting himself between you, his jaw tight. "that's enough, kook. just leave already."

"no," you stop him, unnervingly resigned. that single word cuts through all six men with ease. "he's right." you step around jimin, closing the space between you and jungkook. for a brief moment he wonders if you'll actually hit him, but somehow watching you unclasp his watch from your wrist and drop it on the coffee table in front of him is far worse. the sound seems to ring like church bells, definitive and umistakable. "you're right, i'm not your girlfriend. you win jungkook."

they all watch you leave in dismay, listen to the door closing softly behind you. within a second jimin sprints after you, calling your name, leaving everyone else dumbfounded. jungkook's stare could bore a hole into the abandoned watch on the table, still ticking away like nothing changed. like his eyes weren't burning, lightheaded at the realisation that he would never wear a watch again let alone the one he put on you.

x

x

x

to an outsider, you looked like you were coping well considering you just got dumped in front of all your friends. but jimin knew that face. your stony eyes, lips pulled thin as if to seal inside the collapse of a monument. you took the tea he offered, and then his arms, your face finding his chest with ease. muscle memory. his torso was a tad shorter than jungkook's, his heart closer to your mouth as if the steady thumps were asking for a kiss of acknowledgement. every time you close your eyes you could see jungkooks face, hard and unforgiving and nothing like the man you trusted all this time. but it wasn't a new expression; you parents looked at you similarly the last time you saw them. it was the look of someone who had no regrets cutting all ties. and now, jungkook was behind them in a lost list of people who chose to be strangers over loving you.

jimin sighs when you cry into his chest, brushing the back of your head gently. he had been ready for this for months, but he still hated to see you this way. again. it made his bones itch, his skin crawl uncomfortably every time you weeped. the only time he considered violence was when you were crying. but he knew what to do, laying down across the sofa so you could curl up into a ball next him, head on his bicep and face smushed into the crook of his shoulder. you used to cry like this for hours and hours, his arm familiar with the prickle of pins and needles. but it was the only place you felt safe. tucked into jimin's side is where you would always belong, and that truth was more glaringly obvious than ever now.

"lets get something to eat," he offers eventually, hand craddling the crown of your head like a child. jimin's other hand on your hip is warm and heavy when he pats you soothingly. in your episodes, you responded well to touch. "what about thai food?"

"not hungry," you grumble against him.

"we could make something together?" he peers down at your lack of response. "come on, babe. you gotta eat something. you didn't even have breakfast-"

"why am i so stupid?" you whisper, a fresh bout of tears welling up.

jimin rubs your thigh. "it's not your fault."

"yes it is. jungkook gave me plenty of red flags, and i ignored all of them-"

"oh, i meant you being stupid."

you scoff. "cheers."

"what?" jimin cocks a brow when you lift your head to look up at him. he wets his lips and you follow the swipe of his tongue thoughtlessly, distracted enough by his touch and proximity that you take a second to digest his words. "it's not like any of this exactly came as a surprise. you ignored me, remember? wanted to flex your big girl pants."

you pull away from him and sit up, forcibly shutting out the daze that jimin routinely puts you under. "what's wrong with you? can't you be polite and wait for a couple hours before laying into me like a normal person? jesus, jimin."

"so let me get this straight," jimin sits up, watching your back as you sit away from him. "you're mad because i'm not telling you what you want to hear?"

"no," you say, head shaking. "i'm not mad. i'm upset because i came here to be comforted by my friend and you're just making me feel worse."

"what do you want me to say, ____? that i had high hopes from the start?" jimin pushes his hair back, brows now at a sharp incline from frustration. "i told you starting something with jungkook was trouble but you didn't listen. why should i feed your victim complex when all i've done is try to help you?"

"victim complex?" you repeat, standing up slowly. the sudden steadiness of your voice causes jimin to panic.

"not like that. don't take it like that, it's just," he's suddenly before you, his warm hands palming up your arms warmly. "i didn't wanna see you get like this and it happened anyway, is all i'm saying." he sighs when your scowl doesn't let up. "if hobi hyung hadn't have given up so easy, then maybe…maybe this would never have happened. maybe if i had been harsher with him then you would have-"

"what are you talking about?" you ask quietly, searching jimin's face. "give up so easy? what's that supposed to mean?"

he looks away, hands slipping off you. "it's nothing."

"jimin."

he struggles to look at you, tongue in cheek. his lips purse for a moment, pink like roses. he's wearing that navy jumper you like. "look, it's not a big deal. he wasn't supposed to fuck you or anything, just take you out for a while. get your mind off kookie, show you a nice time."

your blood runs cold. "what?"

jimin's expression softens. "it's not as bad as it sounds-"

"really?" your voice is sharp, sharper than he's ever heard it. you recoil as if you had been struck for the second time today. "because it sounds like you asked some guy to keep me occupied like i'm a fucking dog. all because you can't stand the idea of me being within a meter of jungkook-"

he steps in, but you step back. "you know that's not true, _."

"don't i?" you scoff, covering your face in disbelief. "jimin, you've been hellbent against me even looking at the guy since day fucking one."

"because i didn't want you to get hurt!" jimin counters, eyes downcast. "i know, okay? i know how much of a dick it makes me sound, but its not like it hurt you when you had no idea! hoseok broke it off before you even knew about it so why-"

"because it's worse," you turn away from him. "you tried to control me. choose what's best for me because you think you know better than i do. sound familiar?"

his jaw sets, and it's like you can hear the twine snap in his head, the percussion of his heartbeat above yours even though he doesn't close the space between you. jimin stares at you for a long minute before drawing in a thin breath. "fine," he steps in, and you can't look away. "you want me to say it? fine. i'll say it."

suddenly the air is lace thin around you as you stare at him, waiting. jimin looks off somewhere else, somewhere you can't reach. "don't tell me you haven't thought about it, because i know you have. if i have you must have too. and lately its all i can think about - being with you, holding you, being the one who gets to touch you. and yeah, maybe it took having to see you with jungkook for me to realise how much i want all that, i put my hands up. but you have no idea what's it like to watch the person you love most get toyed around with by a time bomb like that. i've seen jungkook go through girls like underwear and i love him, god i love him, but even the idea of you being one of those wasted girls sitting outside a party crying over his sorry ass makes my fucking ears ring."

"j-jimin…" you whisper, but you have nothing to say. your hands shake.

"you deserve more than that, ____. you deserve more than waiting around for booty calls or living up to what the next guy wants. from jungkook, hoseok, anyone. you deserve someone's devotion and yeah, maybe all this time i've been too much of a pussy to give it. maybe all this time i was tiptoeing around my feelings for you because i knew if i admitted to myself that i loved you - if i admitted i was just like every other guy - i'd actually set the bar for something other than disappointment. id actually have to step up, and i didn't know if i could do it. i still don't. but if it has to be someone…it should be me."

suddenly he's holding your hands, calming the tremble that rattles them. his words bunch up together in your ears, the meaning lost amidst your awe. "jimin….jimin what are you saying? where is all this coming from, i don't...i don't understand wh-"

"i'm saying," he cups your face. "choose me." he pulls you in. so, so close. "choose me, not jungkook. not anyone else. me."

and there's a part of you that has already caved. that's already kissing him, melting into his arms like you've wanted to for so, so long. you're falling back onto the couch with him in a fit of giggles, curling back into his chest to hide your watery eyes, asking him why the fuck he took so long. you chat together between teasing kisses, pour your hearts out, maybe cry a little. later you would make tea and order pad thai and watch the office all night and fall asleep together in the living room well past dawn and then-

you close your eyes. "i can't."

"you can," jimin says, so passionately you shudder. his brown eyes are teaming with too much determination and ardour for his own good, and you both know it. its difficult to grapple with how huge a risk he's taking, because jimin never takes risks. it made the whole situation seem dire. "you know you can, ____. it's us. there's no one like us."

you don't know how you're not crying yet. you only have jimin to hold onto, hands balled in his shirt without knowing if you're about to push him away or pull him in forever. "maybe back then. maybe if you'd have said all this before," you feel empty, the beat of your pulse suddenly strong in your fingertips. "but it doesn't matter anymore."

he shakes his head in denial, his determination palpable. "of course it does-"

"i'm in love with him," you say. to jimin. to yourself. to the world, finally. "i'm in love with jungkook." holding jimin's stare isn't as difficult as you thought it'd be. "you know if you'd have done all this a few months ago…if you'd have just...i was always yours without question, jimin. and you knew it." it's his turn to bristle under the strain of your voice. "jungkook isn't perfect. i'll be the first one to admit that. he's made me cry, he fucks up, he makes mistakes. but he's never lied to me. he never made decisions for me. he never passed judgement on what i should or shouldn't do with my life. something that i never thought i wouldn't able to say about you, too."

there's a brief moment where everything stops. neither of you can believe what you just said. jimin watches you, frozen in his place as you take your bag, eyes glittering with tears when he calls for you. suddenly he's the time bomb he feared becoming, the panic in his eyes lighting them up like fire crackers. for the first time in his life, he stumbles over his words, and then his feet when you reach for the door, all composure lost. he was unravelling like a tapestry in front of you, never to be repaired, and he could feel it. "____. ____, please," jimin chokes, his cheeks blotchy. "i wanted to protect you, i was just trying to help. don't go. please don't go. i was trying to help you."

"no. you were trying to have me." you say, closing the door behind you.

x

x

x

you have no idea what time it is when you hear the bell ring incessantly.

it had been hours since you'd returned home from jimin's, but there was no way for you to keep track when your only priority was just keeping yourself afloat. you turned your phone off, drew the curtains, and resolved to alternate between sitting in seulgi and jisoo's rooms until they came back. you didn't know what else to do. when you weren't crying you were hyperventilating, and when that stopped the absence of emotion was so powerful you could barely keep your eyes open. you were exhausted but could not sleep. starving but could not eat. it was a miracle you even made it down the stairs, using what little strength you had to yank it open without even thinking about who could be on the other side in the middle of the fucking night. but at this point, you would gladly take a serial killer over jimin or jungkook.

"taehyung," you breathe when you take in his face, relieved. you must look like absolute shit because he scans your face and winces. 

"jimin told me," he says, the apology in his voice and expression was almost painful to register. "he told me everything. ____, i'm so sorry. i should have told you about the hoseok thing, i just thought it would be worse coming from me, and then i tried to force jimin into confessing but then he didn't because he's jimin, and now-"

"you're only allowed to come inside if you stop apologising," you say weakly, voice haggered from the hours of crying.

taehyung's pouty expression almost makes you smile with how cute he looks, gingerly stepping over the threshhold. "i really am sorry though."

"for what," you say monotonously, closing the door behind him while he takes off his shoes. "my inexplicably terrible taste in men? my uncanny ability to get manipulated by literally anyone who shows me a scrap of affection? or my absolutey shredded-to-shit attachment style thats barely intact let alone functioning healthily? after hoppping between the first two for a few hours i'd personally go for the latter. but whatever."

"please shut up," taehyung sighs, bringing you into his arms before you could have a second thought about it. "you need to amp up the misandry in this context. a lot of this had nothing to do with you and everything to do jimin and jungkook."

you're too tired to open your eyes, snuggling into the softness of taehyung's chest. you’re too exhausted to argue. "where did you learn the word misandry? have you been reading?"

"yeah," you can hear his big, pleased grin. "i know you and the girls have been calling me a himbo behind my back."

"affectionately," you add, peering up at him. he wipes the wetness off your cheeks, moving upstairs to your room with your hand in his. he fetches you a glass of water before putting you into bed like he's paid to do it. taehyung was the cuddliest person you had ever met, but you had rarely seen him dote on anyone. "girls love himbos. it's a compliment."

"not all girls," he mutters when he returns from the bathroom with a glass of water. "drink this, would you? you look so dry it's making me itchy."

you do as he says with a roll of your eyes. "what do you mean?" you finish your water with a big gulp. "jisoo loves dumb guys, what are you talking about?"

taehyung looks away from you, bottom lip rolling up under his teeth so fast you barely catch it. he pulls up your desk chair next to your bed, thinking long and hard before meeting your eyes again. "i don't mean jisoo."

you don't understand at first, but after staring at his face for a long minute your stomach drops. "don't. don't you fucking dare," another beat of silence. you rip the covers off you to scamble to your knees, grab your pillow and hurl it at taehyung's head. "taehyung, please don't tell me that the one remaining, healthy relationship i have with a man has also been shot to shit because i swear to god i'm gonna-"

"it's not a big deal," he says firmly, and he really does mean it. taehyung catches your wrists when you lunge at him, effectively ending your outburst before it can begin. he keeps hold of them while he stares into your eyes, watching the way they fill up with a fresh bout of tears. "i've had a crush on you for a while, so what? it's not anyone's business but mine so don't worry about it."

you try not to scream at him. "how long?"

"...since the start." he shrugs. "it's not like i could have done anything anyway. with jimin around. he’d never have it."

"but...! but..." you splutter, the highlight reel of your friendship suddenly marred before your eyes. "but you let me talk to you about boys! you gave me advice with hobi and jimin and jungkook and...! you encouraged jimin to confess to me. and the whole thing with jisoo?"

he wets his lips guiltily. "jisoo is a nice girl. i like her, but...not like you. i've always liked you."

you shake your head in horror, your face crumpling. bile rose in your throat. "so all of that...playing with my friend like that. was just to get to me?"

"listen to me," taehyung says firmly, gripping your wrists to make you look at him again. he's so close you can feel the warmth of his breath on yours, and you never realised how large taehyung's torso was compared to yours before. he could have smothered you, but he didn't. in all senses. "the way jimin and jungkook handled their feelings is on them, just like how this is on me. it doesn't matter if i'm fucking you or not, you're my friend and i'll always want people to do right by you. and that includes me."

there was nothing else to say, so taehyung wordlessly wipes your face again and fetches you more water before retreating to sleep on the couch downstairs. all the while you sat there in your bed, confused and bewildered and thoughtful. the same bed jungkook fucked you on. the same bed jimin held you in. out of all the men in your life, taehyung was the only one who treated his feelings for you with reverence. there wasn't one interaction you could think of where he made his feelings clear, where he even hinted towards wanting something more. if he hadn't have said anything tonight, in the wake of one of the most emotionally tumultuous days of your life, you would still be in the dark about it all. and that was the scariest part. you didn't know anyone else who hadn't let their feelings for you effect how they treated you. so ultimately, it was possible.

and jimin and jungkook chose not to do that. but taehyung did.

taehyung did.

when you finally pad downstairs after hours of ruminating, jisoo's bedroom door is wide open. and that's who you should be thinking about now - your friend and sister jisoo - as the sky begins to lighten with the signs of morning. you hadn't slept for over twenty four hours, you were hungry and thirsty, delirious from the whirlwind of losing the two most important men in your life in one day. but still, you are drawn to taehyung. taehyung, who never asked anything of you. taehyung, who was as silent as he was selfless this whole time. taehyung who routinely put what he wanted aside in favour of what was best for you. taehyung, who protected you without needing credit or recognition for it. taehyung, taehyung, taehyung, taehyung, taehyung-

"taehyung," you whisper scraping your nails through his hair. his eyes fluttered open, twisting his head to face you as you hovered above him. he could barely see you in the darkness. "taehyung, wake up."

"what is it?" he croaks, sitting up with half-lidded eyes and a yawn. he doesn't know how to read the expression on your face. he swings his legs off the sofa in a sitting position, wearing nothing but his boxers and tee, visibly alarmed. "what happened? are you okay?"

you take his face in your hands and kiss him. 

taehyung stiffens against you, breath drawn thin. you pull away to gauge his expression, desperately searching his eyes in the darkness. for discomfort, disapproval, anything negative at all. the absolute ardour you find instead could knock you down if taehyung didn't reach for your neck, kissing you again. you whine at the feel of his tongue, having no idea where such sudden and intense arousal was coming from. when you pull away with shaky limbs, you climb onto his thick thighs so he can feel your wetness through his boxers. taehyung grunts at the sensation, and again when you kiss him passionately and without abandon. the sweet girl every guy he knew was agonising over, suddenly in his lap. he's barely had his tongue down your throat for ten minutes and you're already rocking into him, his erection betraying his resolve.

it's better than he dreamed. 

"taehyung," you gasp, palming him now. he groans when he pulls away to look at your mouth, glistening with his saliva when you take his hand and guide it down to your arousal. "please."

[ennoshawty]

HQ CAPTAINS AS THINGS

i was bored and felt like doing a crackfic thing but i didn’t have any solid themes or good ideas

SO I PRESENT TO YOU - THE CAPTAINS. AS THINGS. IDK HOW TO WORD THIS BUT YOU’LL SEE AS WE GO ALONG.

warnings: VERY LONG, slandering a crybaby oikawa (lovingly), mentions f!reader, shitposting, mentions of violence in kita's, (a bit) yandere!kita, cursing, unedited, me being an idiot

officer!daichi

we are: vigilante/troublemaker

loving the enemies-to-lovers trope so much

nah bro you ain’t full criminal (bc my preppy ass could never) you just do the small vandalism things y’know like drawing peepees on government buildings and knocking over bins

u literally confessed to him by spraypainting the entire billboard by his workplace “I LIKE YOU” like way to go girl

He didn’t appreciate the creative graffiti but he rlly likes u so all u had to do was clean it and then next thing u know yall are out on a cute cafe date

but let’s talk about before yall got together

he’d CHASE u thru alleyways when he’d catch you writing “police sux” on the fuckin wall

bro is NOT AT ALL afraid to jump onto the roofs it’s FRIGHTENING to see this huge ass police officer storm after u

HES SO FAST HOT DAMN WOMAN HOW DO U GET AWAY FROM HIM??? USAIN BOLT WHOMST???

you’d almost always get away by a hair - he’s SO SO close

and it frustrates him but excites u oooooo arrest me shawty

and this would continue for a while

but yall have such fun fun banter - you’d tease him and he’d say something back and you’d bolt and he’d chase

some days he’d catch you. but in those times u slip away somehow

he’s having so much fun and doesn’t even know it

and then at one point he doesn’t even care about bringing u to justice anymore. he knows it’s bad for business and it’s unprofessional but he’s so attracted to u

he doesn’t even know it. HES IN DENIAL!!! his mind: “oh i’m just asking about her so that i know her motives” bruh no u just asked about our fav pastry this aint about crime anymore

and when he finally gets it,,,DINGDINGDINGDING SOUND THE ALARMS !!! MAN IS WHIPPED!! he’s more shy around u awww,,,doesn’t even want to chase u anymore but he will still engage in banter w u.

yall get a little peace treaty in the lil crush stage - you both are kinda aware of ur feelings towards each other but don't really wanna mess it up and jeopardize whatever's going on like bros PLEASE JUST KISS ITS INFURIATING

it’s more of a competition to see who will break the other first (and you lost he’s too hot)

he lets u joyride his cop car in an empty parking lot <3 he is the one <3 this is true love

u gotta marry him right now bro no excuses

u are no longer on the crime side of the law,,,u support him and only him fuck the rest of the cops (i’m jk of course...or am i)

u are his badass sidekick <3 unofficially of course until he marries u

u help him with the small things like helping lost children find their parents and helping old ladies cross the street

but you want to do the FUN stuff - chasing thieves and arresting drunkards.

unfortunately, he loves u too much to put u in danger so he keeps u from doing the dangerous things

after some protesting later, he trusts u to take care of urself. and now yall have a competition just like old times - whoever catches the most baddies at the end of the month wins (he WILL scold u if ur too reckless though)

THE TWO OF U ARE JUST GOOD COP BAD COP UHAHAHAHAHAHA

but it’s much more complicated than that - it’s either ur the laidback one and he’s the strict one or ur the fiery one and he’s the person like “calm down”

PLEASE HE HATES BRINGING U TO INTERROGATIONS he’s trying to be serious but you keep making him laugh istg he has to kick u out each time

u still make him laugh when u pout-glare at him thru the glass

bro says he’s not the stereotypical cop but the moment u surprise him with donuts and coffee in the morning he will make out w u right then and there

even though yall dating he still won’t let u play with his equipment

but sometimes u grab his walkie talkie when he’s not looking and prank call the others

and his coworkers know by now they’re like “oh it’s daichis gf” and go along with it HAHAHAHA “this is alpha 1, daichi just contracted ligma, over.” “roger, but what’s ligma? over.” “*inhale* LIGMA-” *daichi takes the walkie talkie back*

his coworkers are chill lmaoooo they love u two as a couple THEY ARE VERY SUPPORTIVE they planned a surprise anniversary party of when u joined the force (unofficially)

the juniors tanaka and noya are jelly ooooo but they respect their captain <3

u loooooove hanging out w the starry-eyed new recruit hinata and he’s bouncing around asking u personal questions “how did you date the commander!!! what’s he like as a bf??” he also accidentally exposes how much daichi talks about u in the office before he drags him away and murders him off camera

he does get u a walkie talkie that’s just connected to his line, tho. for emergencies. it’s ur second phone basically that only has his number in it

daichi LOVES it when u massage him after he’s had a long day but his shoulders are stiff as a statue,,,he’s also super stronk and can carry u anywhere <333

IMAGINE HE HAS A POLICE DOG - he doesn’t, but he’ll get one of his buddies to bring u a k9 unit so u can pet it and when he sees how happy u are he considers getting one PLSSS IT WOULD FIT HIM HELPPP

bro is VERY strict on safety. bulletproof glass in yalls house. alarms + cameras everywhere. trackers on every device. underground bunker. (just kidding lol)

daichi teaches u self-defense and gets u a bejeweled taser for ur bday <333 MARRY THIS MAN RIGHT NOW OR I’LL-

in other words i love daichi and he is husband material WIFE ME UP BUDDY

househusband!oikawa

we are: girlboss sugar mommy

somehow you tamed this bish to becoming your obedient malewife

and by obedient i mean whiny but compliant

IS MORE ATTACHED TO YOUR BLACK CARD THAN TO YOU. I SAID IT. THE TRUTH.

sure, he’s pretty and gives affection sometimes but the only time he’s bein cute and snuggly w u is when a new fendi purse came out and he wants it

his specialty is cooking but he’s so lazy he’s all “just get the maid to do it”

please give ur workers a raise he’s so demanding

when you take him to ur business parties hes ALWAYS bragging about you and ur large house with this and that and his favorite: indoor hot tub. he always brings up the indoor hot tub.

only reason you bring him is cuz he’s pretty and he whines when you leave him alone for too long

yall cant even stay for too long - he’ll practically drag u out of the building and whining that it’s too hot and his suit is too stuffy and to call a limo

he’s not afraid to embarrass u if u dont give him what he wants and he will spit out food at a formal dinner if its not to his liking

probably in competition w househusbands! makki and mattsun about who gets the best house so he’s constantly begging u for an extension to the house “please babe!!! makki has-” “no.”

8/10 times throws tantrums in public and 1465/10 times throws tantrums in the house

he wants to cry for the sake of crying. one time he lost his shirt and he wouldn’t stop bawling for 15 min

please find him a hobby

crybaby . the moment u give him the glare of death it’s over. but he’s got a cute crying face which makes up for his annoying whimpering

like he made the mistake of throwing a temper tantrum in the mall only for you to glare at him with a look that said “we’re discussing this when we get home and you’re gonna get your ass beat” and walk away. immediately stopped what he was doing and he was running after u, sniffling and mumbling apologies

please humble him and have him sleep outside. the couch is too luxurious to banish him to. he made sure of it himself. it’s reclining and has charging ports. he will not learn his lesson that way

does NOT want you to get a pet or a kid or even another sugar baby/househusband - he wants to be the center of ur attention

speaking of which he HATES it when you work for too long or work overseas. when u come back he’ll pout at u and give u the petty silent treatment

don’t bother trying to comfort him he thrives off of it and he’ll keep going so u can keep paying attention to him. if u just ignore him back he’ll come crawling back to u. “WHY ARE YOU IGNORING ME IGNORING YOU?? DO YOU EVEN LOVE ME ANYMORE???”

one time yall got into a fight and he was all like “since ur being a rude mommy i’ll just find someone else !!!” inside u were like “oh god finally” but instead u said “okay”

ohmygod he panicked. he was rlly expecting for u to fight for him,,, but he doesn’t want to admit defeat first so he tries to go thru with it but you literally dont care. even when he has his chanel luggage packed and he’s standing by the door ur just like “ok bye bitch”

So he’s trying to stand by the door and wait for u to say that ur joking. ur not.

“fine! I’m leaving now!” “okay.” “...*sniffles*” “tooru, go.” “WAAAAH NO IM SORRY I DONT WANT TO-”

u knew this was going to happen sadly. u even hid the keys to all of the sports cars u own just in case he was actually going to go thru with it

tries to get in the gossip circle with the neighborhood trophy wives but they don’t think he’s cool enough. they like u though. they think ur hot asf and oikawa doesn’t like them no more bc theyre hitting on his ATM. but thanks to that u know all the gossip and shit even though u don’t ask for it

Every time u pass by a store where he thinks he wants something he’ll just cling to u and give the puppy dog eyes. like it could be out of nowhere and u see it and you’re like “where. which store.”

bro once he went luxury he never went back. he wouldn’t EVER step foot into a grocery store ever again congrats he’s been bimbo-ified

beat him with ur gucci belt pls it’s so funny

also please please PLEASE discipline him. tell him it’s NOT okay to just randomly purchase the entire swarovski store or to throw a party at ur house just bc he’s feeling petty about u being at work for too long. ofc he’ll bitch about it but you need to be firm

but don’t worry,,,he’ll get the idea when u take away black card privileges and slap him around (lovingly)

now he has to ask permission like a good boy. he’ll kneel and hug u and give a lil pout and whine

you got a bigass man child i’m sorry maam u should’ve picked tobio or ushi

ceo!kuroo

we are: secretary

bruh keeps it mostly professional during work hours

but that all gets shedded off like a snake when we on break

one minute he’s all “get these papers done by today or i swear on all that is holy i will destroy you” and then later he’s all “hey sweetheart wanna grab a cup of coffee”

flirty flirty FLIRTY FLIRTY AAAAA HES A MENACE

but you’re less than impressed bc y’know when the time clocks out and its time to go back to work he’s ruthless once more

HUMBLE HIM FOOL only when you’re on break though

will NOT stand for anyone else in the workplace bullyin u - NO WAY. only HIM

he’s got TONS and TONS of dirt on everyone in the office - NO ONE is safe so they wouldn’t even dare

RIP janet from accounting

that dumb bitch made the mistake of insulting u to ur face and in front of him. never heard from her again

it’s not even limited to the other employees - he’s not afraid to go off on a potential business partner if they dared disrespect you

bruh tries to call u on ur off days for the most randomest shit and to get ur attention

*picks up phone* “sir?” “ah! my favorite secretary ever! listen, i need you to grab my pens from my desk at the office and bring them to my place.” “...with all due respect, it’s 2 am, sir.”

but u have to comply with his ridiculous demands cuz he’s the bank

and he depends on u completely. as much as he hates to admit it - u have his schedules, itinerary, provide coffee, performance rates, stock info, you name it.

once u were out sick and he had the worst management - he’s not used to working without you

def tries to get some of ur workload off of u bc he’s worried that the stress of working for him made u sick + he doesn’t want to go thru scheduling again

prolly gets bored in meeting rooms and sends u little smirks and wiggles his eyebrows and weird looks while he’s sitting and ur standing in the corner like bruh pay attention

maybe sometimes he’s secretly makin fun of the presenter and doodling on his spare sticky note something funny to make u crack a smile

he’ll tease u for it of course “oh, secretary! you should be paying more attention! what would you do if this was important?” bruh i can multitask now keep airdropping me ur selfies i’m saving all of them (news flash: u dont save his dumbass selfies otherwise his ego will inflate too much)

sometimes likes to pull u aside from work to hug u - you say it’s highly unprofessional but he says it’s his stress reliever

you ALMOST got caught by one of the newbies and he was kabedon-ing you

he tries to play it off (since u were embarrassed too) but u know better,,,DO NOT LET HIM FORGET ABOUT IT he turns red and embarrassed every single time USE THIS TO UR ADVANTAGE !!

never goes into an elevator without you bruh is so attached to u n holds the doors open for you

but you have to open normal doors for him if he doesn’t know how it works (hint: manual doors. “why isn’t it opening on its own?” “sir, there’s a handle.” “but?? what does it do??”)

bruh acts like a dumbass sometimes so you can baby him :/// wtf man just because you’re rich doesn’t mean i’ll- ...wait...how much did you say…? that many zeros? HAND ME THAT FORK YES I’LL FEED YOU COME HERE- HERE COMES THE AIRPLANE BITCH

brings u to overseas trips and he spoils u too

no matter how much you insist that you’re ok he gives u a lot of luxurious items. “think of it as a bonus from me.” NOW YOU JUST HAVE A COLLECTION OF NICE SHOES/BAGS/JEWELRY AND HE LOVES IT WHEN YOU WEAR THEM TO WORK IT MAKES HIM SO HAPPY UGHHHHH

BRUH just a sugar daddy at this point “you have to look presentable for the next focus group so here’s a nice rolex watch” “sir, i don’t need-” “ah ah ah - it’s my treat.”

it’s pointless to refuse him but he still teases u for it like what???? “if i didn’t know any better, secretary, i’d say you’re just doing it for my money and not my fabulous looks and personality.” “exactly.” “hey!”

yall go for drinking parties a lot. whether with the whole branch or just the two of u

KARAOKE W KUROO AFTER A LONG DAY OF WORK <333 becomes a ritual between the two of u

he’s so silly when he’s drunk lmfaoooo goofy ass mf

but that’s only when it’s the two of u. he controls his alcohol around others and his uncool side is only for u <3

also ur the only one he trusts to take him back to his place and handle him

it’s the other way around too - when u drink a lot he looks after you <333

you have a higher tolerance than him and sometimes u have competitions between the two of u on who can drink more but then yall always end up shitfaced

HES the one who has a crush on you

you know the drill - gaslight gatekeep girlboss

he’ll do anything for u but wouldn’t ever admit it he simp

offers u the keys to his estate and offers for you to LIVE with him

bruh just marry me already ok WAIT WE’RE NOT EVEN DATING YOU NEED TO WORK ON THAT SIR-

he’s so awkward tryna confess to u,,,he may be this big hotshot ceo but he’s acting like a schoolgirl in love

probably prints u a confession when he asks u to go to the fax machine lmfao what a nerd

in other words ceo!kuroo is a nerd and you need to top him immediately get that bank

dog hybrid!bokuto

we are: owner

Husky-malamute breed!!! BEEG DOGGIE VERY HAPPY N DROOLY <333

OVERLY HYPER. JUMPS ON ANYONE AND U AT ANY GIVEN MOMENT

he’s well trained i swear but the moment he sees something of interest then i’m sorry you just lost him

please if a robber came in he wouldn’t even attack them he’d just tackle them w hugs

he loves loves loves snuggles <333 u busy? nope!!! hug time!!! cooking something?? oo lemme see!!! whoops look at all those tomatos on the ground. u got a deadline coming up and u really need to focus?? CUDDLE TIIIIIIME- w-wait - huh?? why are u shoving me off?? do you - do you not - huh?!?! WHY ARE YOU LOCKING ME OUT OF THE ROOM?? NO!!!! I LOVE YOU!!! IDK WHAT EXAMS ARE BUT I WANT CUDDLES!!! HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME????!!!

the WORST things u could ever do to him is leave him and call him a bad boy

HE CRIES ON THE SPOT </3 HOW COULD YOU </3

soso bummed when u go out of the house without him </333 waits by the door patiently waiting for u to come back </333 sob sob

the moment he hears the door unlock he LEAPS and his tail is wagging like CRAZY

he is SO STRONG. almost always knocks u over whenever he jumps on u

destroys EVERY toy u bring him. u leave him for 5 seconds and there’s stuffing all over the floor and whatever u brought him is nonexistent

tugs on the leash when u walk so much that it SNAPS

loves romping w the other dogs in the dog park but he needs to tone down on his friendliness he almost killed a lil orange chihuahua

gets distracted by EVERYTHING. ooh, squirrel! oo, butterfly! OOO HUMAN CHILD!! MUST EAT!!!

ok while he might be friendly, he still gets super super jealous. you both were outside and u were petting the neighborhood black cat and bruh almost swallowed his head

which u thought was weird bc the two are normally friends and are pretty nice around each other

so now he’s more feisty around him and any other cat that’d get ur attention

If it was a person, then that’s another thing. He’d be very friendly at first but then slowly realize that ur attention is more directed on them than him. then he’d go ballistic

but when u scold him for practically assaulting the poor dude and call him a bad boy,,,he’s lost it

u have to lock him in the other room and he’s crying and whimpering, scratching at the door. all he wanted to do was protect u from that bad bad man who took away his owner’s attention !!!

def snarls at the dude next time he comes into ur house/apartment...dude never came back

“GRRR” “AAAA GET UR FRIGGIN DOG B-” “he don bite” YES IT DO GET UR-”

doggie bokuto rlly tries to be slick...it doesn’t work. like he tries to do that thing when he’s a total demon towards the guy but then act like an angel around u but it doesnt work bc he’s not smooth

doggie intelligence: 2 IQ. one time u got him a puzzle box and hid a treat in it but bruh couldnt figure it out just straight up monched the entire puzzle simply bc he smelled his fav bbq treat in it

speaking of intelligence - he only knows how to say a few words like ur name and incomplete sentences. speaks in barks and whines and sometimes a word

SO BIG THAT HE GRABS FOOD FROM THE TABLE WHEN YOU’RE NOT LOOKING

u had some delicious beef steak? oh dear, where did it go? there’s ur puppy kou with steak sauce all over his lips

big fan of hiking trips, sports, literally anything that involves going out

he LOVES getting dirty outside playing. boi cant control himself from rolling around in the mud

hates baths at first but then he likes how u spray the water on him and giggles awww he likes bath time now

we all know he’s not the brightest pup of the pack but,,,he’s somehow psychic. he knows when ur taking him to the vet

HE THROWS A BIG FUSS ALL THE TIME - sometimes he tries to hide but his huge tail under the couch gives it away

and he knows when ur thinking of taking him on a walk. he also begs u to take him outside by settling his head in ur lap and pouting until u give him what he wants

he likes the big ol doggie sweaters/pjs u buy him...but he always ruins them. no matter how much u buy him, they’re all ruined. he complains how scratchy it is and it feels weird on him

knows LOTS of tricks but if u teach him more than what he already knows he will forget one of them he’s like a damn pokemon

he feels ur emotions :((( if ur mood is down his tail droops :(( and he gives u cuddles and tries to make u feel better

he even likes to make a fool out of himself and be silly if it makes u laugh :((( he’s so precious

in other words i love doggy bokuto

pirate!ushijima

we are: kidnapped

ah yes we’re are captives of the most fearsome pirates of the seas: shiratorizawa

just so you know, tendou was the instigator. he was all “let’s kidnap a noble’s kid and get the ransom money!” (whether you actually are a noble or not is up to you)

thing is, nobody’s willing to pay (if you aren’t a noble) or the pirates really pissed off the folks in charge and are now doing a manhunt

so yeah you aren’t going back anytime soon

but he’s a pretty good sport about it - very hospitable

he notices the little things u like and gets them for u <333 sighs <333

he saw you reading that book? wow look at that, there’s suddenly a stack of them and the same genre he saw you reading

but you definitely shouldn’t test him. he’s SUPER scary when it comes down to it

you saw how ruthless he was with the rogues that had dared to challenge him on sea

mf made them walk the plank

you help on the ship bc u wanna be useful and also shirabu keeps being mean

he asks u to teach the crew how to read cuz theyre dumb as shit and only know water and treasure

speaking of treasure - when he leaves u on the ship to explore a cave, he gets u really pretty jewelry <33 anything u ask for

“oh, welcome back captain. how was your mission?” “i brought back a few trinkets i thought you might like.” *reveals whole chest of priceless gems* “are they to your liking? if not, we can set sail for something else that might interest you.” “I-”

bruh got a pet eagle - u ask the crew and they dont even know how tf it happened

hell, even he doesn’t know how it happened wtf. “oh. one day it flew down to me and i fed it. that’s all.” wtf

equivalent to diluc’s bird - he didn’t even give it a name so he gives u the honors

U name him rigatoni (you got a great naming sense btw)

oh my god oh my god oh my god HE TRIES TO PROTECT U WHEN PPL WERE TRYNA INVADE THE SHIP

it was the first thing he did no cap - burst into ur room and scoops u up <33333

“what the-” “we need to get you to safety. we are under attack.” and holds u close to his chest AAAHSIDHFPSDHFN OH MY LORD YES

HAS THE TEAM GIVE U SELF DEFENSE LESSONS AFTER THAT

tendou tries to give u a sword but ushi says no “she could hurt herself.”

“but ushiwaka! we can teach her not to hurt herself” “...it’s my orders.” “c’mon, be more honest, ushiwaka! what’s the real reason?”

he goes quiet then looks at u “...i’ll always be there to help. she’ll have me.” AOISHSDHFSNDF

HELPPPPP SIOJFDSKFJP HES SO CHARMING AND HE DOESNT EVEN TRY

but the rest of the crew are like “then what’s the point”

but tendou sneaks u a dagger just to be safe

sorry ur apart of the crew now - but they’re like a family even if they did kidnap u

oh whatever your life before wasn’t as cool as this (no offense)

they are given orders to protect u at all costs

speaking of which - ushi isn’t all that great w guns

almost blew his own head off tryna figure out how it works before reon snatched it from him

he brings you with him to towns and cities and he likes taking u to the markets to get you stuff

ushijima tell me your love language is gift-giving without telling me your love language is gift-giving-

he finds out you’re pretty good at bargaining and brings you onshore a lot more

is mesmerized at how you absolutely BERATE the merchant who was tryna rip you off like sis where is this violence coming from??? he loves it??

he also likes to stop by some pretty islands and imagines just settling down in such a nice place w you <333 SIGHS <333 VERY <333 LOUDLY <333

no matter how much he likes you...he will NOT let you drive the boat under any circumstances </3 its his livelihood c’mon man

whenever you have to stay on the ship while he’s away he sends rigatoni to give messages and the two of u talk thru messages

speaking of which rigatoni is fierce and can definitely sink his talons and his sharp beak into any bastard that dares get near you while the captain is away

wakatoshi “swimming is for pussies” ushijima - he’s water resistant

bruh so powerful he walks on water

second coming of christ who

IM JUST KIDDING he does swim but we hardly ever see it

legends say (tendou says) he looks rlly awkward doing it and only knows how to doggie paddle

speaking of our homeboy tendou - he loooves spooking the team (and especially you) with scary stories . don’t worry tho - this is all a ploy to get the beeg pirate husband to comfort u at night ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) he is ur wingman u can count on him. but his suggestions are ridiculous

“Jump off the deck and see if he’ll catch you!” um excuse me- THOU SHALT NOT PUT BIG HUSBAND TO THE TEST

he’s got good intentions...i think…

but everyone literally knows he would dive after you

in other words pirate!ushijima is a softie at heart but goddamn he probably secretly has a pet shark so dont test him or u goin overboard

mafia leader!kita

we are: associate from different group/family

kita highly respects u and yall have been acquainted since u were young with the alliance of ur families

so in a way ur childhood friends but yall do have lil bit of friendly rivalry a bit

arranged marriage whuuuutttt...yeah thats what happened but u love him <3

nobody else knows about ur arranged marriage but you two

POLITE GENTLEMAN <333 !!! HNNNNNNNN his granny raised him right even tho he’s a mafia leader

RICH BOY RICH BOY RICH BOY- ALWAYS DRESSES DASHINGLY AND SMELLS GREAT MMMMMM

he owns the majority of the underground casinos

and has lots of connections with others. countless, might i add.

you on the other hand specialize as an arms dealer so he cherishes your services the most

prob has the traditional tattoos allllll over his back and shoulders w like a dragon or sm and def a fox or kitsune

when u two were little he asked ur favorite flower and GOT THAT TATTOOED ON HIS BACK <3 probably secretly has your initials hidden in there somewhere

u both have a silent understanding of each other and he talks to u more than he does anyone

before he used to smoke but once he figured out that you didn’t like the smell of cigarettes he quit just like that

his underlings, the miya twins are so confused on how kita switches from totally brutal and ruthless to so soft around u

they can’t tease him for it, though, cuz he’d pulverize them

but they want to know more about u,,,you mysterious enigma,,,but kita would kill them if they dared asked about you

so they go to inarizaki’s most secretive informant/cyber mercenary, suna rintarou

and suna knows all about you. he saw you one time and he was curious about who you were and is now rlly scared of you because he dug too deep and you’ve got LOTS of history

he doesn’t dare tell the twins what he found no matter how much they bug him

until they bribe him at just the right price

and when aran finds out and tells kita?? ohhh boy it’s lights out for all three of them

oh my god ,,, would kill for u he loves u so much

one time you were kidnapped and held hostage

bro saw red

MAFIA ANNIHILATION SPEEDRUN ANY % NO GLITCH

he got world record time

wiped out the entire conglomerate behind it - nothing and nobody left behind after that

and of course, made sure you were safe.

yandere? ofc not...i mean...just look at him...so innocent...he would never...sharpening that knife...with splattered blood all over him...

is now joined at the hip with u,,,no matter how much you tell him you’ll be fine now and that you have tons of reliable bodyguards he won’t let it go

“don’t you have to go back to your place?” “this is my duty as both a fellow associate and your future husband.” aww,,,ur so sweet...but BRUH PLEASE GO HOME ARAN IS DOING EVERYTHING OVER THERE

makes sure to build a headquarters DIRECTLY NEXT TO YOURS so that its faster

and it’s not long until he just signs a deal to merge ur factions together (since yall getting married anyways)

and oh my god...ur underground wedding is SO SO PRETTY

absolutely DOESN’T care if he’s smuggling jewels from different countries - he’s having your ring CUSTOM MADE and the way you want it. “the diamond is too small? sure thing, darling, i’ll have it 7 times that size.”

makes sure everything is perfect in ur wedding <333 its very extravagant and even though its not really his style he’ll do anything for you

he absolutely WOULD take your last name if you wanted. FIGHT ME ON THIS

takes you to his private island for ur honeymoon so that the two of you don’t have to worry about work

meanwhile aran is scrambling around the place trying to cover for the both of you

he’s a VERY romantic husband - NEVER takes off his ring even for security. he says its practically a part of him just like you are <3

the ring has a built in tracker connected to an app. possessive? noooo...

in other words this escalated pretty quickly but i aint complaining if it gets me married to kita

--

--EXTRA EXTRA!! other characters’ roles!!--

officer!daichi:

karasuno squadron consists of:

cops: daichi (duh), asahi (mostly patrol, he hates confrontation), tanaka & noya (mostly accompanied by ennoshita), hinata & kageyama

investigators/detectives: sugawara, ennoshita, yamaguchi, tsukishima, kiyoko, yachi

surveillance: narita, kinoshita, tsukishima too

househusband!oikawa:

makki and mattsun are also househusbands

iwaizumi is a malewife fhasodjkasdhf-

ceo!kuroo:

lev is the newbie that walked in on u two-

janet still a bitch

kenma is his fellow ceo buddy. he also owns a multimillion dollar company and kuroo’s and his have a sort-of contract so you see him a lot in meetings

yaku is like one of the top performing managers so whenever yall have branch meetings he’s there

dog hybrid!bokuto:

kuroo is the black neighborhood cat bokuto almost murdered cough cough i did that on purpose yes i did

kenma is also another neighborhood cat. you don’t see him around that often but now that bokuto got jealous he stays far away.

hinata is the orange chihuahua i briefly mentioned

i couldn’t decide whether akaashi would stay human and be his previous owner or also be a cat/dog/owl. so lets say he’s ur human friend that is your bestie and comes over a lot. bokuto likes him, though. still gets jealous a bit.

pirate!ushijima:

tendou is practically is right hand man

the rest of the team have something to give idk how to explain pirate team members okay-

BUT BUT BUT- they do have sea rivals which are the seijoh pirates. you ran into them one day and oikawa thought you were kidnapped (you were, but you liked it there) so he tried to do you justice and failed miserably. ushijima ragdolled him into the ocean when he flirted w you.

mafia!kita:

the twins are something akin to mercenaries basically. or just plain lackeys.

suna is an informant/cyber mercenary. he gathers information about ppl which is how he knew about you. and he’s a hacker lol.

aran is his second-in-command, omimi + ginjima are his bodyguards

a/n: im going to regret posting this

[maisietheweltoncow]

The Dead Poets as Things My irl Best Friend Has Said

@thedorkslayer I'm exposing you bestie (it also includes other people but yeah)

Knox: I'm straight as a pancake......... oh shit pancakes are round

Pitts: Bro I'm a garshallforlyfer

Charlie: I have no idea bestie I am just a horny entity

Cameron to Charlie: omg you learnt how to cook

Cameron: If you turned up to a dnd session with dice made of fucking beans I would commit arson then and there

Neil: I FEEL LIKE IT'S VERY RAAAAAAAA

Charlie: He looks deliciously overgrown

Knox: I have a long term relationship with MCR, she's my girl dawg

Todd: I wouldn't have got the anxious tendencies if I knew they wouldn't fit in the burrito of life

Todd: Eminem, I am smoking Eminem

Charlie: cannot tell if this is some sort of code word for I want to rail him and or kill him

Cameron: What do fat greasy chips connote, Charlie?

Meeks: Absolutely shitting my pants with laughter rn send help

Pitts: I do peace signs backwards what about it 🥵🥵- it's because I'm not like other girls

Knox (idk it feels like it fits for him): I don't hate white people... I'm not anti white I swear 😭

Cameron: My brain just said, let's pop u in a prison with a feral dog

Neil: I'm hungry but this is distracting

Todd: Once Spotify told me I was in the top 1% of people who listened to girl in red in lockdown bc I found her voice relaxing and used it as background noise for my work basically on repeat

Cameron: You know when you read the words 'shit eating grin' it always confuses me because I don't think you'd be grinning if you had to eat shit. So why is it there? It confuses me.

Charlie: I have many kinks Richard Cameron I don't think getting chucked out of windows to my death is one

Todd: For someone who hates children, I'd be a great parent

Charlie: I hate these 12 year old chavs thinking they're all it there stood in the queue thinking about what they want like get out let me order. They aren't gonna move I swear if they don't move in 15 seconds imma punt them. Bet you they all have chav boyfriends and practically drink Victoria's secret perfume.

Charlie: There's not gonna be any fanny jokes so what's even the point

Neil: I should get a mullet

Pitts: Fuck. It was because I wanted to be Pete Wentz but I wouldn't admit that to anyone honestly fuck gender I still want to be Pete Wentz like flat chest? Yes please, my noodle proportions fit nicer to a flat chest and I'll feel better about myself but then again I don't hate boobs.

Todd: wait wait y'all are shipping Alina with a 120 year old man????

Meeks: Why do I have a crush on the dad from meet the Robinsons

Him and the wife are a bi panic idk why they just are

I feel like the Meet the Robinsons fandom is as weird as onceler stans

In another dimension Meet the Robinsons is literally the lorax fandom level of bizarre.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

That's it besties, I would be happy to do a part 2, just ask :)

I'm gonna tag some mutuals because I feel like this isn't gonna get much attention:

@aedan-mills @neil-perry-is-alive @duh-itsalampmeeks @andersonsdeskset @deadpoetdalton @she-nuwanda @freckledcameron @totallynotmrkeating @mendesxruel @caffieneandconstellations @academic-on-a-midnight-dreary that's all I can think of off the top of my head, sorry if I missed you.

[jackassbroadcast]

Hello im a Tommy enthusiast who watched that one stream where he monologued to foolish for like hafe an hour bc i heard it was a cool stream or wtv to realize how much amazing character moments it had that barly anyone in this damn fandom is talking about so ill fucking do it

(Only after finishing this i realized i wrote 1.7k words LOL OOPS)

If u dont know what in talking about its this stream (apologies for linking a clips channel the actual vod on foolish's channel is deleted by now)

Also heads up /rp /dsmp every time i refer to someone here by name is their character unless stated otherwise bc writing c! Before every name Is tiring LOL

Also // suicidal idealization , death mentions

The conversation starts off with foolish and tommy mining for Wilbur, and foolish questions how simply mining will solve the problem to which Tommy reponds with "they dont get solved, do they? It just ends uo with some madman screaming 'Hes solved it!' And now look at him." And how he wants to "prevent the problem before it goes outta hand" something that clearly references Wilbur and his destruction of lmanburg, which paired with him collecting stone for Wilbur as the way to stop said problems he believes if he does anything he can for Wilbur and support him by his side enough this time around, that he wont do anything like thay again, which as im writing this makes be realize by doing that we learn hes blaming himself for what happened to Wilbur in November 16th and pogtopia and a whole, by not being enough for Wilbur in his mind.

The conversation continues, foolish off hand asks why would tommy want to stop Wilbur? Weren't they friends at some point? To which tommy leads foolish to lmanburg and tells him the story of the nation (how it was him and Wilbur's nation, how they made it to espace dream's iron fist and how they held an election "which puts your life on the line, which is good- if you're confident but- perhaps we were too confident", how they lost)

Tommy: "You know the phrase: 'treat other how you wanna be treated', foolish? People dont ever listen to it. Wilbur- he decided he wanted to be treated poorly so he treated everyone around him poorly "

This Tommy quote, to me at least, so so amazingly strong in conveying how understanding he is? To the world around him. Like-

I have not seen one person bring this quote up, and yet its (at least to me) shows such growth and understanding in Tommy i saw little to nothing like it in other streams. It shows he understands, he knew Wilbur didnt change just because, he knows he was struggling, that he thought everyone around him were againt him, were going to abandon him the first chance theyll get- and he thought he deserved it. So he, as a last way to defend himself against that, hurt them first, abandoned them first, so theyll see how much of a 'bad' person he was and take him out- and tommy saw right through that, possibly understanding it more after exile.

This next qoute was talked about much more but i still wanna bring it up

Foolish: "Do you believe in second chances?"

Tommy: "Oh, no I don't really believe that its not really a thing for me foolish its just that-" *sigh* "- i believe everyone has a little bit of good in then and this is not about giving him a second chance or a third chance- its not about *chances* foolish. Its about not giving up on the poeple you care about. "

Which. I mean. I dont know how healthy that mindset is, but comign from Tommy it makes so much sense.

Techno, tubbo, eret, sapnap. These are all people Tommy used to be extremely close to, had either a war or had been betrayed by them, and yet still found it in his heart that he still cares for them, with all of these, they did horrendous things, that hurt tommy physically and mentally, while also not being once or twice, but a contentious thing, but while tommy is to this day still effected by their actions he still found it in himself to forgive, because he knows he fucked up too, a lot, and he knoes they learned from their mistakes just as he had (except c!techno FUCKKK c!techno mf doesnt learn SHITTT) and he knows, when the time comes he knows hed want the people he hurt to forgive him too. (And he wants Wilbur to do the same)

Next qoute i will cut to a couple parts because its really so good and full of character i had to bro

Foolish: "Do you consider yourself to be the good guy or the bad guy?"

Tommy: "It really depends who you ask, isn't it? Yknow? If you asked dream he'd say im *his little toy that he plays with* you know? It doesnt.."

This part really stunned me when i first heard it because, and correct me If im wrong, but i dont think tommy ever acknowledged how dream sees him, and  how right he has his viewpoint too. Just the fact tommy is so *painfully* aware of how dream doesnt even see him as a person anymore but just a toy to mess around with for a while than just throw it away when it get too boring really hurt me. Someone give this kid a hug

(Continued) Tommy: "...foolish, honestly? I used to consider myself 'the good guy', you know? The fuckin'- second in command! But these past- these past like six months or so, foolish, everything got so much harder than it was before. Because before it was just us vs bad guys, it was all so clear! But- its not been 'clear' for so long, right? It wasn't; 'these are the bad guys! These are the good guys!' Now it's : 'he's doing this and it makes him a bit worse-' i mean, it all got so complicated, so- i don't know. Depends who you ask."

He says this, in response to foolish asking if hes a good guy- but its awfully similar to if Wilbur asked him if they were the bad guys. Because foolish just asked about him, and yet in his answer tommy made sure to keep using the words "us, he's, guys" as if hes not really talking about himself, as if hes explaining how Wilbur was wrong. Which he was. Also something interesting ive noticed, he says "the last 6 months or so", which indicated that with Wilbur he knew better to follow his word and leadership- with Wilbur he was always on the right side but when he lost him he felt much more lost alone, and couldn't trust himself enough to be on the "right side" .

Foolish: "I dont know, it all seems strange because just from, you know- hearing from others and, you know, learing a little bit, its seems like you've been the hero, you've been the villain, the conqueror, the savior, and, even now, i have no idea what you exactly are."

Tommy: "that's up to you to decide, isn't it? Im just- *uh*  i dont know. These days, foolish, I'm a little weaker than i used to be"

Foolish couldn't be more right with what he said, another example of this we see where a character acknowledges tommy never sticks to one thing us Charlie when calling him "tommy fron nowhere" which shows more how he cant stick to one thing, during the course of him on the server he had been friends and enemy with nearly everyone, been on pretty much all sides, and while never really intentionally, being in the center of conflict. When foolish says he doesnt know who tommy is anymroe at this point and all Tommy says in return is that "hes a little weaker than he used to be" does to show he misses who he used to be, with lmanburg, with Wilbur, when he knew who he was, now he doesn't know who he is anymore, but still so desperately want to be more demonstrated by the lines coming rigth after that one:

(Continued) Tommy: "..I'm not- I'm now who i want to be, but-"

Foolish: "Being honest with you, Tommy, that's the same case for me as well."

Tommy: "...heres the thing, foolish, unlike you i dont really have a choice. I have to try and be who i want to be, because if i dont, very bad things are gonna happen in this server. And now that Wilbur's back i can't- quite frankly *no one* can risk that. So i dont really have a choice."

Tommy want's to change- he wants to be better than he is now, to be closer to who he used to be, no matter how impossible that might be, but he also sees it as an immediate thing, he wants to change now, or asap, which is why hes collecting stone for Wilbur in the first place- old him would've done that with ease just because Wilbur asked and he wants to have that back so badly, asap. The way he talked about this reminded me of when he tried getting over his trauma stream before he went in the prison to kill dream: he knew he wasnt the best but he tried getting over that asap to go kill dream asap. He didnt wanna take the long road of years of healing and instead thought he could get over it just like that, and that experience clearly didnt teach him anything because now hes trying to slide back to the relationship he and Wilbur used to have and ignoring the drastic changes they both had plus the bad moments that were the reason they feel out in the first place, or maybe he knows, but at this point, after everything that happened to him and the server, he doesnt care anymore? He knows hes not the same he was and he'll never be the same, because thats not how it works, but his mentor, president, big brother is back after so long tommy felt so lost and alone he thinks maybe, this time around, with Wilbur, he could try and be better again.

[incorrect-ikevamp-quotes]

Hi! I love everything that you write and heh I am a fan! 😄 tbh this is my first time requesting something on Tumblr! If you don't mind and if I am not being a bother...can you write about how the guys would react If MC suddenly starts making meme references? I don't know how I got the idea but I am REALLY curious. And love you! :D

Hiya! Tyvm for the kind words, and apologies that this took a while! I hope you have the chance to enjoy it regardless ❤️❤️❤️ Love you too, sweet pea! I promise to get to the next request you’ve sent ASAP~

Aight but this would be hilarious because the range of the reactions is just ungodly. I will be putting this under a cut after Napoleon so I don’t clog up everyone’s dash, but all the suitors are included below otherwise! 

Comte is the one that recognizes a few, but didn’t really stay in modern times long enough to be as well-versed as a Gen Z kid might. Regardless he finds the wittiness and absolute chaotic fuckery to be delightful, and will 100% support the harmless nonsense. It never fails to get a laugh out of him

Mozart that first day be like: “Buzz off MC I hate you” MC, because she likes swinging bats at wasps’ nests: “Well that’s not very cash money of you” Mozart: ?????????? Comte, giggling in the bg like the secret fae he is This one’s just because I’m petty, but after the events of Comte rt I just imagine them encountering Vlad again and MC’s just “I lived bitch.” while Comte is flipping him off behind her lkjahgkjhdsg

Comte @ Leo when he finds the latter under his desk: Had it not been for the laws of this land, I would have slaughtered you.  MC: wheezing from the hallway as she’s about to give him his letters

MC: So how was your day, honey? Comte: Good, good--briefly had to go beastmode upon the punk that pilfered my lint roller MC, biting her lip to keep from laughing: So does Leo still have his kneecaps? Comte: for now.

Comte, @ literally anyone upsetting the MC: I won’t hesitate, bitch

Comte: Be careful with my emotional baggage, it’s designer

MC: What if I was evil and ran towards you at very fast speeds Comte: My arms are strong, I would catch and hug you

Leo and Dazai are the ones that don’t have a single reference point but are filled with so much dumbass chaos energy that they just. Understand immediately???? Nobody knows how or why, but they just catch on so fast--adapt the language in a matter of weeks. Never underestimate the power of combined boredom, depression, and humor

I swear to god I just see MC taking them their Blanc/Rouge and being like “here you go sir, one enslaved moisture” and they just go fucking hog wild from day one. MC starts impersonating Theo when he leaves the room around Dazai, like fake deep voice “you all only hate me because you do not like me and I am mean to you. grow up.” Or like the MC meets a baby on her travels with Leo around town and she holds them and says v seriously and sagely “So you are Baby? I have heard tales of your exploits.” and Leo about loses his shit right there. They both think MC is the funniest person alive--they’ve never been more eager to throw a ring at someone in their entire life.

Also a bonus for my beloved Dazai:  MC, facing even the slightest inconvenience (like dropping her fork) in the most dramtic voice possible: Life is not daijoubu. Dazai: wheezing

MC, after watching Theo turn down a woman at the bar in the meanest way possible: bro quit letting the darkness consume you u r scaring the hoes Dazai, literally rolling around on the ground, half-drunk and dying:

MC, walking alongside Dazai and stopping to stare at her reflection in the River Seine. Dazai’s expecting some sad or twisted shit, since people often feel comfortable talking about those things around him, but instead she just: “Oh, it’s you. The source of all my problems.” And he about falls into the river from shock HAHAHA

At this point don’t be surprised if his next book is about an absolute madlad woman similar to MC

Napoleon finds it to be a delightful quirk more than anything? He doesn’t really understand it, but he finds it funny when they change their voice for effect or speak in exaggerated tones. If it’s just comprehensible enough for an outsider to understand--or Sebas gives him context--chances are it’ll send him into a laughing fit

For this one I just imagine MC singing that Ratatouille meme song obnoxiously bad while cooking, and Napoleon and Comte are just so wildly amused by it bc it makes zero sense and it’s only vaguely French at this point

MC @ Napoleon while they’re cooking brunch: Can I offer you a nice egg in these trying times?

MC, conflicted because she’s tired and wanted to sleep in but also got to see Napo’s cute sleeping face for a few hours: For my next stunt, I’ll wake up at 5AM on the day I can sleep in. Sebas: Early to bed and early to rise makes a person healthy, wealthy, and wise MC: early to bed and early to rise makes me a massive bitch Napoleon: laughing in agreement

Isaac is the type to be bewildered and concerned at first (especially when he hears the more nihilistic ones hoOOOoooOO BOY) but eventually begins to understand it’s some bizarre attempt at humor (that hurts Zack baby). While some part of him laments that it reminds him of Dazai and he’s secretly jealous of how she and Dazai bond over it, he will sometimes join in the chaos when the mood strikes him and he’s feeling mischievous

Isaac: How are you feeling? MC: Oh, I’m not Isaac: seconds from dialing 911 Isaac: Are you okay? MC: Oh yeah dw I just suffer from that syndrome where your neutral expression makes you look like you’re an angry serial killer Isaac: say sike rn

Isaac, tutoring MC and correcting something:  MC, muttering while redoing it: The risk I took was calculated, but man am I bad at math. Isaac: unable to help a laugh

One time MC was avoiding Isaac for fear of hurting his feelings and he just confronts her like: Isaac: back by unpopular demand, me! What’s wrong, MC pls MC was so hecking proud of him

Isaac, telling MC about a recent discovery he learned at uni from another professor: bones typically heal stronger after they’ve been broken--so long as they’re set properly, of course MC, looking him dead in the eyes: So what you’re saying is that I should break every bone in my body until I become superhumanly powerful? Isaac: please do not, no

Mozart and Jeanne are just. Totally lost. Why are you talking like that??? Why are you making “crab hands”???? They don’t understand. Maybe never will. They reach a point where they just kind of laugh and shake their heads, endeared by the oddity after they’re used to it and have determined it isn’t a threat/insult. 

MC: It’s a cold and it’s a brooooken, Waluigi. Waaaaluigiiiii...waaaahluigi..... Mozart: surprised, then starts snickering and playing along on the piano

Arthur, asking MC very personal questions out loud because he is an idiot sometimes: Soooo MC, are you a top or a bottom? MC: I’m a threat. (If he asks a second time, the response will be “Wouldn’t you like to know, weatherboy.”) Jeanne, fighting a smile:

MC, about to punch an asshole: Your free trial of being alive has ended Jeanne, seconds from laughing for the first time in 100 years:

Also, because I genuinely can’t help myself. You know that knight meme like “Parry this you fucking casual.” I cannot stress enough that it is literally the personification of Jeanne’s entire character. I’m not even joking.

Arthur and Shakespeare are utterly fascinated by the rapid evolution of wordplay and the sheer hilarity. They will ask all about these so-called “memes” and ask for examples of them if MC can show them (either somehow accessing her phone or drawing them). MC draws Arthur the knife cat meme and he about a s c e n d s at the hilarity of it all, points and yells THEO IS HOLDING THE KNIFE. He is correct. They will be delighted and follow along eagerly, and--god forbid--will make their own based on late 19th century struggles.

Is this where Shakespeare got the idea for “What, you egg? stabs him” and “You are a saucy boy.”? I’m too scared to ask. Don’t even get me started on “The Fool jingled miserably across the floor.” That one is just too on the nose...

I can’t even imagine what would happen to Shakespeare if MC like translated vines and memes into Ye Olde English around him. Imagine she’s at one of those noble balls and hears rumors of these two guys living together and they’re so obviously gay and he says “And those gents w’re roommates.” And in the most false surprised tone ever MC just replies “oh mine own god, those gents w’re roommates.” Imagine having a wife that’s just as hilarious as you are and hits you with all the force of a bag of wet mice every time you speak in retaliation, he’s going into palpitations.

Every time Arthur does smth stupid MC just: “I Pretend I Do Not See It.”

Vincent is tickled pink by MC’s penchant for finding joy and/or amusement in nearly everything they do, and he smiles gently when he sees them muttering and laughing to themselves. He wants to be able to join them in what they love, but he has a harder time following along and understanding the darker humor sometimes. Mostly gets confused??? Please give him the easier ones to mimic and laugh when he tries--or just include him in your jokes MC. He’s babie your honor...

But he also. Will not. Stand any kind of self-deprecation or borderline verbal self-harm. He’s usually very easygoing and calm, but for whatever reason that stuff makes him go deathly quiet and upset.

MC, after something goes horribly wrong, hugging Vincent: Oh Vince, we really in it now Vincent: giggling a little despite his worries, relaxing

MC: Theo stop simping for Vincent that’s my job

MC, when Theo leaves the room and she gets Vincent all to herself: The evil is defeated.

MC: And this is where I would put my will to live...if I h a d one! Vincent: ;-; MC: oh shit, oh fuck, I was only kidding Vincent wait (MC was subsequently lectured and loved on for many hours)

Theo is conflicted because on the one hand, he loves to see you smiling and having fun. On the other, you’re clowning as hard as Dazai and Arthur and he can only handle so many monkeys in his circus. Most of the time he will roll his eyes and be the straight man of this comedy, but you might find him cracking a smile--or accidentally letting a chuckle slip past his lips now and again.

MC, after meeting Theo: I’m a nice person, but I’m about to start throwing rocks at people.

Theo, those first days: Oh? You’re approaching me? Instead of running away, you’re coming right to me? MC: I can’t beat the shit out of you without getting closer.

Theo: Every time I ask MC to explain “vibe check” to me she hits me with some kind of improvised weapon

MC, after the “incident” (you know the one): This year, I lost my dear lover Theo Theo, in the distance: QUIT TELLING EVERYONE I’M DEAD! MC: ;-; sometimes I can still hear his voice...

Sebastian is last because oh boy. OH BOYYYYY I LOVE HIM. Okay so the way I see this happening with Sebastian is just. So wild. Because at first he’s t r y i n g so hard to be the proper butler man. He does not meme. But then he starts to drift closer to what Niles from The Nanny was, where he’ll quip and joke in private or when the situation is just beyond the amount of absurdity he can handle without making a snarky comment. Everyone in the house can’t fathom how Sebas and MC got so close so fast, but there are points where they’re just “Are they even speaking English anymore???” It’s 11 times funnier than normal because Sebas almost never smiles or laughs when memeing, the deadpan quality of his playing along sends MC every time

Has ABSOLUTELY said “HEY. PANINI HEAD. ARE YOU EVEN LISTENING TO ME???” jokingly when MC made a mistake in the kitchen. They laugh about it for y e a r s

MC: I can’t date someone who keeps a lamb as a pet, that’s so weird Sebas, brushing Lotte in front of MC: MC: MC: Okay, I will make an exception because she looks very polite

MC and Sebas, fully aware of the fame some of the men will reach in modern times: We will watch your career with great interest.  (I s2g that’s like half of Sebas’ rt right there I’m crying)

Sebas rt with Lotte be like that 500 dollar Mareep meme: “sometimes a family can be just a boy, his gf, and their 500 dollar two foot tall Lotte”