#btb reviewer

[okamirayne]

I was curious if you would ever write something else for NejiShika? I know you wrote a whole series for BTB (while also writing a ton of Original work, which, wow, you're amazing) but if you ever got another idea for NejiShika would you write it? Or is the BTB series a "just kind of happened" one time thing? I think I remember you once said you were inspired to write BTB because of a dream you had of Shikamaru and you found that Neji was just the perfect other half for that version of him and that's the only reason you started writing the pairing. I guess I was just curious if you would ever write something else with the pair since BTB is such an amazing series and I love your characterization of them. Also, is HHU the last one in the series? Or are you planning anything else? Sorry for the rambling, I just wanted to ask 😅

Hey there, Anon! Thank you for dropping by with your ASK, Luv ☺️

I was curious if you would ever write something else for NejiShika? […] if you ever got another idea for NejiShika would you write it? Or is the BTB series a "just kind of happened" one time thing?

Do you mean would I write more about them together in the BtB world? As in, additional stories to add to the BtB series. Or do you mean would I write an entirely different NejiShika/ShikaNeji fic outside the BtB-verse? Because yes to the former, no to the latter.

I think I remember you once said you were inspired to write BTB because of a dream you had of Shikamaru and you found that Neji was just the perfect other half for that version of him and that's the only reason you started writing the pairing.

Correct! I couldn’t see who Shikamaru was chasing in the dream, but when I began to follow the plot bunny consciously all roads led to Neji.

It was such an organic and intuitive thing, as well as a logical one. It was always meant to be.

I guess I was just curious if you would ever write something else with the pair since BTB is such an amazing series and I love your characterization of them.

Oh yes, I believe I would. Aww! Thank you so much! I’m super excited and happy to know their characterisations hit the spot for you. The characters are always my primary concern and I try my best to do justice to them, bearing in mind any creative leeway/divergence from canon with the story/pairings.

Also, is HHU the last one in the series?

Yes, insofar as a post-war conclusion. That said, the BtB story, right the way through from the first instalment to UtS, is meant to be a standalone series regardless of HHU. HHU is pure masochism on my part 🤦🏻‍♀️

Or are you planning anything else?

I never say never. Ideas pop up. It’s just hard to commit for several reasons.

1) Severe bloody Burnout recovery 😭 🔥

2) My brain currently holds 3 separate novel series, all of them big-world stories. Which is a hell of a lot to hold in my brain cavern.

These original characters and their worlds are my heart and my kismet 💜

3) I am clearly challenged when it comes to writing one-shots…I fail so hard…

4) The investment of time/energy vs the payoff of writing fanfic (especially when you’re a masochistic moron like me who writes LONG SHIT). Understandably, and rightly so, fanfic doesn’t pay for the investment put in, so a lot of the payoff for me (and a lot of fanfic writers) is the reader-feedback exchange regarding the story/characters (otherwise I guess we’d just write it for ourselves, you know?) and sadly readers don’t necessarily engage as much anymore even though they may devour the content. Which is why I absolutely adore, admire, and am so grateful to reviewers 💜; to those who did, still do, and who were so outstandingly supportive of me in the past and still are to this day. They are beautiful treasures. That’s why I always aim/aimed to deliver the best I can/could for them and not short-change them. I’d never have finished the BtB series without them. 💜

As for Rambling? No way! Absolutely no need to apologise!! I’m very, very touched you care enough about the series/characters to ask 💜

Thank you! ☺️

[honesttoglob]

Meta-overanalysis incoming: When Steve is listening to Weird Al on Foodtruck Radio in the season 1 supercut, he's listening to a Weird Al parody of his own backstory. And um. ????? Does the song UP exist in universe for Weird Al to have parodied it? Is Cup a Weird Al original and then Steve liked it so much he made up his own song based on the tune? Did Steve's backstory and UP come to Weird Al in a psychically-influenced dream but upon waking he could only half remember it and the plot didn't make much sense so he changed it to be about trying to get a solo cup at a high school party? Only Ian knows. And he will Never Tell.

[theguildedtypewriter]

The Juicy BTB Deetz

Read Burn the Bone today and see all the action and emotional ruin for yourself!

Check out the full review on Goodreads.

🔗s in bio or check out linktr.ee/rejohnsonauthor

🔥𝐁𝐮𝐫𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐁𝐨𝐧𝐞🔥

The secret demonic underworld of Newborn City is at war, trading out one villain for another much more powerful than the last. As the threat grows, one demon is faced with an old flame from his past.

Life's all sunshine & roses now that Marcus is dead, right? Wrong. Now that the Inferno's former boss is no more, his second command, Roger van Statton, steps up to the plate, & demons are disappearing left & right. As Ciaran's best friend, Dimitri Romanov, struggles to identify the pattern of the kidnappings & murders, a mysterious guest shows up at the front door. Dimitri knew life was a bitch, but bringing in old flames was a new low.

When you're a killer, it's hard to prove you didn't, in fact, kill someone, & Red's all out of ideas. On the run from the cops who want to arrest her for the one murder she didn't commit, Reddina Leeyan decides to turn to some old friends. The trouble is, none of them want to see each other. As Roger's plans pick up new steam, Dimitri & Red are thrust into a fight they didn't see coming—& old feelings are brimming under the surface.

With everything catching fire around them, Dimitri & Red have two choices: lock themselves up in cages of their own making or fight for what they love. As the second installment in the Newborn City Series, Burn the Bone forces its heroes to deal with kidnapping, torture, &, worst yet, confronting their feelings.

BTB, 2nd in the NBC Series, is full of second chances, high stakes, & edge-of-your-seat action. It's a dark PNR, & you'll find:

👥Dual POV 👄Slow-burn to high heat 💗Second chance ☑️Forced Proximity 🩹 Hurt/Comfort 😈 Morally Grey MCs 💦C*m play 💓Praise 💔Tragic Pasts 🫗Alcoholism 😔Self-hatred 🔪T0rture 🪢K!dnapping 🔫 fights

[thiswontbeforever]

everyday i feel like i wake up to some kind of chaos

twitter is still a mess and everyone there is so dramatic omf

at least edvin’s btb finally dropped and is so beautiful 🤍

a little omar content 🙌🏼🥺♥️ idk what’s going on there with the event and the lady he was with who posted him & N & then Wilnur’s story but just happy to see him ☺️ keep thinking about that tweet he posted and have just been hoping he’s been doing okay & that whatever it all was settled out <33 i miss him but he obviously needs time away

also i just need s2 to drop. i cant take all these reviews coming and interviews and ‘surprises’ coming and i stg it feels like everything being said about s2 from them all contradicts itself a bit so i honestly have no idea what to expect and just want people to stop !! judging !! before they see it.

(also people being surprised wille cut his hair like ?? y’all never heard of the breakdown to impulsive hair change pipeline? what was the queen gonna do tie him to a chair while someone cut his hair?? it seems the whole point is that wille isn’t just complacent to her or her orders anymore and trying to make his own decisions. (was it the right decision? no. prince hair truther til i die.) but like kskskskwkwldndw y’all leave your headcannons at the door.)

[tk-tae-and-symphony]

why tk?

here are 7 reasons why:

1 the perilla leaf argument

in which tk argue that there's no f-ing way they'd be ok with their partner helping a friend with the perilla leaf. chopsticks are an extension of the self and chopsticks touching denotes closeness.

yet jk has fed tae with his own chopsticks many times. tae has literally eaten food that was halfway to jk's mouth (the documentary premiere). tae has stuck his fingers in jk's mouth while feeding him (its1).

2 food

more on the topic of food. tae's love language revolves around food. it's something he's learned from his mother (who packed sandwiches for everyone in its1) and he's given kimchi to his wooga friends. while waiting for the 2021 grammys announcement, tae is visibly peeved when jk asks for food. not because he doesn't want to share but the tone is more "babe, i asked you! and you said no but now you're hungry". note that he gives jk food (and even feeds him) when jk acts cute for him.

tae also knows how jk likes his drinks (festa dinner party 2022). in its2, they spend almost all the food scenes next to each other.

3 the amount of care that jk takes when it comes to tae

jk's said that he gives up on things easily but when he really wants to do something he gives it his all. look at the time he took and the amount of care over the snow globe he made for tae (in one of the winter packages). when he cooked for tae in one of the cutest its2 moments, his own version looked delicious but lackluster compared to the feast he whipped up for tae.

4 tae's hands

tae has the habit of reaching forward when he's making a point he's interested in. watch the way he reaches in jk's direction with his palms facing down when he mentions jk in a group conversation. or the way he pulls at jk's arms (3J+tae vlive in ptd lv when jk tries to leave to shower, gda 2020, proof live onstage at kbs music show).

5 kbs news behind the scenes

being on kbs news was the moment where it really sunk in with the boys that they were famous. it was a big goddamn deal for them. and tae turned to jk for physical reassurance on the way to the studio. after, as they were exiting the building, tk started getting clingy before springing apart when they realized the cameras were still on them.

6 they're each other's biggest fans

tae waxes lyrical (pun intended) about jk's music. his tone is gentle in the recording he makes for jk in the 2020 winter package where he tells jk he thinks jjk is the best singer in korea. note that he thought this recording was going to be private.

tae takes pride in being one of the first/only people to listen to jk's music. he's championed stay, talked about listening to my you a month before it was released, and praised your eyes tell over the song he was supposed to be promoting.

normally reticent jk goes on and on about how hot he thinks tae is. and let's not forget the number of times he's been caught giving tae the up and down. instances that come to mind: maknae vlive in ptd la, my universe btb, dynamite mv making clip)

7 physical touch

how many bros or friends do you know who touch each other's inner thighs for an extended period? or cuddle and nap wrapped up together?

there are too many instances to count where they've lounged on each other (its1, festa dinner party 2022, and gda 2020 for a small sample). they're touchy on camera and in front of a stadium full of people (dope and dna in ptd lv) or when they think they're off camera like when they're reviewing pictures. the way jk ran his hand along tae's back and then patted his ass in the proof live premiere.

the mvp: the styles concert video jh took where jk pulls tae's hand over his heart

there's an abundance of moments. i'm sure other people have their own favorites, this is just a shortlist that comes to mind

[newsbites]

News from Belize, 8 June

Deputy Commissioner of Police, Bart Jones seeks judicial review against the appointment of Dr Richard Rosado as Deputy Commissioner of Police.

Commissioner of Police, Chester Williams, supports Dr Rosado's promotion and emphasizes the importance of unity among police officers.

Litigation is becoming more common in Belize, and individuals have the right to seek judicial review if they feel their rights have been violated.

2. Economic issues, crime, and corruption remain the top concerns for Belizeans, according to Michael Ashcroft's "2023 Belize Poll".

Despite concerns, a majority of citizens feel that their personal economic situation has improved, and there is a perception that things are better than they have been in almost a decade.

The survey also found that 61% of respondents feel that the country is on the wrong track, but this is one of the lower numbers compared to other countries surveyed.

3. JetBlue Airlines will now offer nonstop year-round roundtrip flights three times a week between New York’s John F. Kennedy International Airport and Belize’s Phillip S.W. Goldson.

4. Attorney General Magali Marin-Young will be leaving office to return to private practice due to personal and family commitments.

[yoonieper]

Progress Page (WIP)

Hello guys this is a page dedicated to keeping you guys updated on what I’m currently writing as well as estimated dates things might get published! This is to keep you guys updated because I sometimes don’t post for months but trust I’m always working on something (it just might take me a while lol)!

(P.S. I’ll work on more official graphics for this later, please accept the place holder for the time being :’D)

Information:

I will try my best to update this page at least twice a month! Once on the 15th and then on the 30th or 31st. If there are major updates in between this I will make immediate changes!

For works that have abbreviated titles, that means they are unpublished oneshots or series. I might occasionally give little hints but this is as much information as you're going to get for the most part unless you're part of my beta team! Hehehe not so subtle plug (if interested in joining check out this post for more information)~

For series the progress bar you see is for the current part I am writing! The note below will give more information about how many parts in total are complete!

Please check out my masterlist for more specific or detailed updates!

These are not all of the works I have in progress now! Works will be added to the progress page once I have started writing them! Trust I have a bunch of random docs with ideas that I haven't gotten to yet... yet ;)

Please check key below!

Key Stage:

❈ Planning/Storyboard

✎ Writing

✄ Editing

✑ Being Betaed

⭆ Publishing soon...

Series and sometimes oneshots might have additional notes (ex parts completed) below for more detail if need be!

Oneshots:

LIITA: Hobi Oneshot

⋘ 𝑙𝑜𝑎𝑑𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑑𝑎𝑡𝑎... ⋙

██████▒▒▒▒ ↺65% (✎)

V: Jungkook Oneshot

⋘ 𝑙𝑜𝑎𝑑𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑑𝑎𝑡𝑎... ⋙

██████▒▒▒▒ ↺65% (✎)

BTB: Jungkook Oneshot

⋘ 𝑙𝑜𝑎𝑑𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑑𝑎𝑡𝑎... ⋙

█▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒ ↺10% (✎)

E: Jimin Oneshot

⋘ 𝑙𝑜𝑎𝑑𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑑𝑎𝑡𝑎... ⋙

█▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒ ↺17% (✎)

MT: Jungkook Oneshot

⋘ 𝑙𝑜𝑎𝑑𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑑𝑎𝑡𝑎... ⋙

█▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒ ↺10% (✎)

Series:

Secrets of the Sea (MYG)

⋘ 𝑙𝑜𝑎𝑑𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑑𝑎𝑡𝑎... ⋙

█▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒ ↺15% (✎)

Masterlist coming soon!

Pecattiphilia (PJM)

⋘ 𝑙𝑜𝑎𝑑𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑑𝑎𝑡𝑎... ⋙

██▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒ ↺20% (✎)

Act 2 in progress!

Beyond (KSJ)

⋘ 𝑙𝑜𝑎𝑑𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑑𝑎𝑡𝑎... ⋙

█▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒ ↺10% (❈)

Reviewing storyboard before proceeding to part 1

FTB: Jungkook Series

⋘ 𝑙𝑜𝑎𝑑𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑑𝑎𝑡𝑎... ⋙

█▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒ ↺10% (✄ + ✎)

Total parts unknown

6 parts + prologue are complete!

Part 7 in production!

C: Ot7(ish) special!

⋘ 𝑙𝑜𝑎𝑑𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑑𝑎𝑡𝑎... ⋙

█████▒▒▒▒ ↺62% (❈, ✎, ✄)

3 parts are practically completed 2 are in an extreme editing stage and 2 still need to be completed :3 (hehe so excited to post this one!)

MASTERLIST

[okamirayne]

Hi there! Just dropping by to say that I absolutely love you’re writing 💕 whenever I’m in a funk, and am looking for something to read as an escape, I always turn towards the BtB series. It’s such a comfort for me. Thank you for all of the time you’ve put into these works (and for free!), I always look forward to reading whatever you put out next.

Aww, you sweetheart!!! 💕 Thank you so much for this kind message!

How lovely to learn that BtB is a comfort go-to for you, luv. The time put into the works is rewarded by the kindness and support of readers such as yourself. I'm super chuffed to have your interest and investment in my craziness and really am grateful you carved out the time to send me this message. It's immensely appreciated. You're truly wonderful. 💕

[questlation]

CAMBRIDGE, Mass., Dec. 5, 2022 /PRNe... https://questlation.com/prnewswire/a018686ca805300d621f3add7bc6dbe2/?feed_id=3637&_unique_id=63a91473478b9

[newzzwired]

MIT Technology Review Insights' Blue Technology Barometer weighs the state of oceans in its second annual ranking

MIT Technology Review Insights’ Blue Technology Barometer weighs the state of oceans in its second annual ranking

CAMBRIDGE, Mass., Dec. 5, 2022 /CNW/ — Produced by MIT Technology Review Insights in association with Morgan Stanley, the Blue Technology Barometer 2022/23 (BTB) is the second annual comparative ranking of 66 countries and territories on the progress they are making toward sustainability by protecting the ocean environment, monitoring marine activity, contributing to technology innovation, and…

[dissidentlibrary]

Coffee, bedroom, Titus Andronicus, usual lockdown in Cambridge morning.

I need to tell you about Titus Andronicus and other readings I did recently.

[gegendensatz]

Karl Ove Knausgard: Leben

„Es war das erste Mal in meinem Leben, dass ich irgendwo hinfuhr, ohne wieder nach Hause zurückkehren zu müssen. Es gab kein ‚zu Hause‘ mehr, wohin ich hätte fahren können.“

Suff, Freiheit und Erinnerung – mit diesen Worten ließe sich der Kern von Karl Ove Knausgårds Roman Leben (2015, bei btb) am besten erfassen. In diesem vierten Teil seines großen autobiografischen Projekts erzählt der Autor vom wilden Leben seines 18-jährigen Ichs und erinnert dabei in seinem Wunsch nach Freiheit und Selbstbestimmung durchaus an den Hauptprotagonist Holden aus Der Fänger im Roggen.

„Als ich vor dem Lehrerpult stand und meine Sachen ablegte, starrten mich alle an. Meine Handflächen waren feucht, das Herz hämmerte, und wenn ich atmete, dann flach.“

Eigentlich will der junge Karl Ove Schriftsteller werden und ein freies Leben weit entfernt von einem Nine-to-five-Job führen, doch für den Anfang braucht er etwas Geld.  Das Abitur gerade in der Tasche, zieht er also in die norwegische Provinz, um dort an einer kleinen Dorfschule als Aushilfslehrer zu arbeiten. Zum ersten Mal wohnt er ganz alleine, trifft jede Entscheidung für sich selbst und muss nichts und niemandem Rechenschaft ablegen. Endlich frei! Das heißt: Partys (soweit diese in einem kleinen norwegischen Dorf möglich sind), Alkohol und Frauen. Doch ganz so kommt es doch nicht, denn so frei wie er glaubt, ist er doch nicht. Im Umgang mit seinen neuen Arbeitskollegen und besonders mit dem weiblichen Geschlecht, ist Karl Ove extrem unsicher. Zusätzlich holen ihn immer wieder die Erinnerungen an seine alten Mitschüler ein und so muss er sich erst ganz langsam befreien: Von seiner Vergangenheit, von seiner Unsicherheit, von seinem alten Selbst.

Wie für Knausgårds Romane typisch, liegt die Spannung nicht in der Handlung, sondern in den Figuren. Es ist absolut faszinierend, wie der Autor retrospektiv seine eigene Psyche erkundet und wie sein jüngeres Selbst langsam den Weg ins Erwachsenendasein findet. Besonders die durch die Scheidung seiner Eltern geprägte Beziehung zu seinem Vater, ist ein Handlungsstrang voller tiefer Emotionen und Spannung.        

„Und es gab die Stille. Das Brausen unten vom Meer, unsere Schritte im Schotter, das eine oder andere Geräusch von irgendwoher, wenn jemand eine Tür öffnete oder irgendeinen Ruf ausstieß, alles umgeben von Stille, die von der Erde und den Dingen aufstieg und uns auf eine Weise umgab, die ich nicht ursprünglich nennen möchte, aber doch so empfand.“

Wer mit Knausgårds Werk vertraut ist, der weiß, dass sich alle seine Romane durch eine besondere Atmosphäre auszeichnen. Der Norweger ist einfach ein Meister darin ist, das Alltägliche zu feiern und  ihm einen besonderen Glanz zu verleihen. So auch in diesem Roman: Immer wieder gibt es zum Beispiel bildhafte Landschaftsbeschreibungen. Seine Sprache ist dabei poetisch aber doch federleicht. Er fängt all jene Eindrücke und Stimmungen ein, die sonst so selbstverständlich erscheinen und die andere Autoren so leicht übersehen: Licht, Stille oder das Brausen des Meeres. Immer wenn ich dann einen Roman von ihm beendet habe, habe ich das Gefühl,  selbst mit offeneren Augen durch die Welt gehen zu können und sie ein bisschen tiefer wahrzunehmen. Wem so etwas gefällt, dem sei auch Knausgårds Jahreszeiten-Reihe ans Herz gelegt,  die die scheinbaren Nebensächlichkeiten des Lebens ins rechte Licht rückt und zum Leuchten bringt.    

Leben – eine poetische Erzählung über die Ich-Werdung eines jungen Menschen.  

[sleeponrooftops]

Here is my official @beatthebacklist TBR for 2020! 80 books that have been purchased between 2018 and 2019. I’m only aiming for 100 books this year, so I guess I know mostly what I’m reading for the year! . These are separated by genre. First stack: horror & urban fantasy. Second stack: high fantasy. Third stack: nonfiction, adult fiction, space, middle grade. Overall, half are some kind of fantasy or scifi. . Looks like a good year to me! . #maryreads #amreading #reading #readersofinstagram #books #bookish #booklover #bookreview #bookworm #bookdragon #bookstack #bookstagram #tbr #beatthebacklist #btb https://www.instagram.com/p/B6zD2T8gLJ4/?igshid=1e1itcuki5h1d

[buecherbummlerin]

Schuld

Autor/in: 

- Ferdinand von Schirach

Verlag: 

- Btb Verlag 

Inhalt (Klappentext):

 Fünfzehn meisterhaft erzählte Geschichten. Ferdinand von Schirach stellt leise, aber sehr bestimmt die Frage nach Schuld und Unschuld, nach Gut und Böse.

Meine Rezension:

Ferdinand Von Schirach ist und bleibt einer meiner absoluten Lieblingsautoren und hat mit Schuld mal wieder sein Können unter Beweis gestellt.

Wie immer konzentriert sich Schirach auf seinen klaren und eher schmucklosen Schreibstyle und schildert teilweise nüchtern Geschehnisse und Verbrechen. Trotz dieses eher schmucklosen Schreibstils schafft es Schirach dem Leser die Geschehnisse und Verbrechen mit Emotionen zu vermitteln. So bin ich den kurzen Fällen/Geschichten, aus denen Schuld zusammengesetzt ist, mit Schock, Verständnislosigkeit, Mitleid und auch Verständnis gefolgt. In seinem klaren Schreibstil schafft es Schirach zudem brilliant die Frage nach Schuld zu diskutieren. Dabei wird dargestellt, dass Schuld nicht immer so leicht und deutlich zu definieren ist, das es viele verschiedene Arten von Schuld gibt und das es manchmal sogar Schuld gibt, der man eher mit Verständnis begegnet, als mit Ablehnung. Das Unschuld und die Definition von Gut und Böse dabei eine Rolle spielt stellt Schirach in seinem klaren Schreibstil deutlich dar. Eine Sache, die mich mehrmals zum Nachdenken bewegt hat und die ich wiederum besonders an Schirachs Bücher liebe, denn sie versuchen immer irgendwo eine Art von Moral zu vermitteln oder auch unsere Moral und Prinzipien in Frage zu stellen.

Besonders gefallen hat mir auch der Beruf Schirachs als Anwalt, dessen Aufgaben und Moral er auch in diesen Kurzgeschichten an einigen Stellen darstellt. Dadurch und nicht zuletzt auch, weil die Geschichten auf wahren Fällen beruhen, schafft es Schirach das man sich als Leser die Situationen viel besser und realer vorstellen kann. Damit wird es dem Leser möglich in eine Welt einzutauchen, in der Verbrechen und die Frage nach Schuld Alltag sind und in der Themen angesprochen werden, die einem Menschen außerhalb dieses Arbeitsbereiches vielleicht gar nicht so bewusst sind. 

“Wir wussten, dass wir unsere Unschuld verloren hatten und dass das keine Rolle spielte. Wir schwiegen auch noch im Zug in unseren neuen Anzügen neben den kaum benutzen Aktentaschen, und während wir nach Haues fuhren, dachten wir an das Mädchen und die ordentlichen Männer und sahen uns nicht an. Wir waren erwachsen geworden, und als wir ausstiegen, wussten wir, dass die Dinge nie wieder einfach sein würden.” (Ferdinand von Schirach, Schuld)

Fazit:

Wie immer kann ich nur Gutes über Ferdinand von Schirach sagen und würde euch Schuld, wie alle anderen seiner Bücher, die ich bisher gelesen habe, jederzeit weiterempfehlen. Die Kurzgeschichten regen einen zum Nachdenken an und nehmen einen als Leser mit in eine Welt in der die Frage nach Schuld und Unschuld, Gut oder Böse immer wieder aufs Neue gestellt und definiert werden muss.

[minatsuki-on-main]

Imagine being this confused about btb, guy from review just straight-up went on an acid trip from Izanami only

[thereadingtrashqueen]

Ik was Alice - Melanie Benjamin Alice I Have Been

Before I say anything else, I'd like to point out that this book is historical fiction. Fiction.

This means I'm aware that this book isn't 100% factually correct, and it also means that it doesn't have to be. If you want to read a book that is only facts, read a biography. I've seen too many people complain about things that were wrong or made up to not mention this. This review also contains spoilers.

I have so much to say about this book, I apologize for the length of this review.

This book left a huge impression on me, and it's been on my mind constantly since I started reading it. I hadn't intended to finish the book last night when I noticed it was 10pm already and I hadn't read a word yet, but I ended up finishing it anyway as I just could not put it down. The writing is just incredibly good; and I'm saying that about a translation. I cried twice, which is not something I do easily and which is something I definitely did not expect to happen when I picked up this book.

My expectations were simple: Was Carroll really the pervert/paedophile people on the internet make him out to be? How did everything affect Alice?

I discovered Alice was based on an actual Alice when I read the comments about Carroll, and it intrigued me. When a few days later at work (I work at the library) I came across this book, it felt like fate. I read it immediately after Alice in Wonderland and Through the Looking Glass, and I'm glad I did. I think that if I read it the other way around it would have altered my opinion. I want to reread them now with the new knowledge, but I'm in no hurry.

Please note that I am talking about this book and its story as if it were the truth. It just makes it a whole lot easier, but know I am aware of the differences.

I don't know where I stand on Dodgson. I started off feeling incredibly uncomfortable whenever he was around Alice, and how Melanie wrote Alice's thoughts. The photo and how it was taken didn't help matters. But as I read on, and Alice grew older, I started to realize that times were different back then. You can't read this book and judge it by 21st century standards. Rumor has it Dodgson asked for Alice's hand, but nothing has been confirmed, so we don't know. The book also doesn't give an answer to that, but if Alice was 14 or 15 at the time, that would have been perfectly acceptable. And Alice certainly really liked him back, even loved him in her own childlike way. She asked him to wait for her. However, if he asked for her hand when she was younger, that is just not okay. Nor is the creepiness when she was 7, which is the age she always stayed in his mind. To me it's a very dubious situation, which isn't as black and white as people would have you believe.

Technically, he never did anything wrong. Technically. There is a moment at the end where Alice remembers a fateful day in the train, where she kissed him. Should he have pulled away immediately? Probably. But the point of the matter is that she kissed him and not the other way around. In this book, Alice is more of an instigator than Dodgson ever was.

Now, I don't know much about facts, to be honest, and I've read loads of contradicting things. One says the family broke with Dodgson, others say they reconnected after the book came out. This book keeps them apart, which adds to the story, and which in my opinion makes more sense. Melanie incorporated that wonderfully in the story, having Alice look back as she grows older. Said book however, would never have seen the light of day if Alice hadn't insisted on Dodgson writing it down. So no matter where you stand on their relationship, it brought forward an amazing story.

I would have loved to see her collection of first editions of Alice's Adventures in Wonderland, though!

This book focuses on more than just the friendship between these two. After the break, Alice finds herself falling in love with the Prince of Wales; Leopold, who is in turn, falling in love with her as well. I loved this storyline so much, and it broke my heart when the inevitable happened. I heard stories that they didn't even like each other, but I think they were at least friends. Why else would they both name one of their children after the other? Why else would he send her a wedding gift? They must have made a huge impact on each other.

The final part of the book focuses on Alice when she's 'old'. She's married, has three sons, and loses two of them to the Great War. Honestly, she has been through a lot, and it's inspiring to see how she never gave up. In that way, she is exactly like the little Alice we know. I truly felt for her at times.

One small thing that I really enjoyed was when she met the 'real Peter Pan'. Once again I had no idea he was based on a real person, but them meeting is just something so out of this world, that I couldn't help but smile. When I read that Peter committed suicide later in life, after learning he didn't like being the real Peter, and wondered how Alice had done it for so long, my heart broke. There is definitely a downside to these kinds of things that we usually don't think about, don't realize.

I would definitely recommend this book if you are capable of keeping in mind this is historical fiction, and wouldn't mind possibly ending up viewing Alice in Wonderland differently while learning more about her and her life. Otherwise, I'd urge you to skip this one.