#but I am hardly active there. I am a very simple person. I feel like a misfit in the world of social media to be honest. I like hanging arou

[oliversrarebooks]

The Rare Bookseller Part 15: Emily's Last Meal

Masterlist

September 1925

TW: captivity, mind control, covert brainwashing, Emily POV

Emily spent the entire afternoon curled up in a ball on her cot, wishing there were anything she could do to take her mind off of her situation. She'd like to go to sleep, even though the lights were still on, but sleep wasn't coming.

Lily had taken Oliver again, which meant the next time she saw him he'd most likely be glassy eyed and spouting pro-vampire nonsense, robbing her of the only person in the place she could at least hold a conversation with. 

Even though he was a victim as much as she was, she wasn't especially inclined to feel charitable towards him right now. She had hardly slept a wink since she'd been dragged into these cells, and the sleep deprivation had been making her especially irritable, a raw nerve that kept being poked. And last night had been the worst night at all, because Oliver had spent the entire lights-out period chanting hypnotic mantras, loud enough for Emily to hear. There had been a steady drone of "obedience is pleasure" and "no desire to resist" the entire night with only brief respites. Not only was it disruptive, but Emily had actively fought sleep, not wanting to fall asleep with hypnotic chanting softening her mind.

The vampire guards who were so quick to crack down on unwanted noises did nothing about this, of course. Emily suspected that Lily had engineered this to take down both her and Oliver at once, a two-for-one special.

It wasn't Oliver's fault, and she knew that. Her annoyance should be directed towards Lily and their vampire captors, and it mostly was. But she still very much wasn't in the mood to speak to him when Oliver returned, completely unguarded, wearing a simple white kind of frock dress and looking quite serene.

"What are you wearing, Oliver?" 

"Miss Lily gave me these clothes and let me shower," he explained. He was standing in front of her cell and none of the vampires seemed to care.

A lost cause, she thought, and hated herself for thinking so.

"And she told me to tell you that she'll be inducing you very soon."

Emily felt her mouth go dry, a cold pit of fear in her stomach. Of course, she expected this. She'd known what was coming. That didn't make it any easier.

"I know you're scared of it, Emily, but it's really not that bad," said Oliver in a tone that was probably meant to be reassuring. "She didn't take my mind that much at all. I still feel like myself, I just don't have any desire to escape, and I want to obey whatever the vampires tell me to do. That's not that bad, right?"

Oh, Oliver was such a lost cause. And she was next in line.

"Are you listening to yourself? You think that wanting to obey the vampires, the vampires who kidnapped us and are holding us in prison to sell -- you think that's okay?"

Something briefly flashed in Oliver's eyes, a spark of life. "I think it's... I think it's our reality," he said. "And if we have to be here... is it so bad if they make us want to obey? It's easier, and will help us survive. That makes sense, right?"

"I don't really care what makes sense," she said. "I don't want to be a slave. I don't want a vampire erasing my free will. I don't want some monster feeding off of me -- or did they make you forget that they were going to do that, too?"

"I didn't," he said. "You're probably not going to believe me, but Miss Lily showed me a little of what it would be like, and it wasn't nearly as bad as I had imagined. I'm not sure how to explain it without sounding crazy, though."

"It sounds crazy because it is crazy. Because you're totally under their spell now. What about your bookshop? Your former life?"

Oliver's calm facade broke a bit as he looked down at his feet. "...I'm not getting those back, I don't think," he said. "I... um. Perhaps this is an awkward question, but how hypnotized am I, actually? I feel fine, but..."

"I think Lily's gotten so far in your head that you can't even tell how much any more. I'm sorry."

"...I suspected that might be the case."

"Do you want me to try and snap you out of it?"

"No. I have no desire to resist," he said, automatically.

Oh, this poor man.

She should save him. She should try to wake him up again. But she was exhausted, and knew how futile it would be. Even if she could make a dent in Lily's influence, she'd only just take him again. He was no doubt going to keep her up again all night with chanted mantras.

She felt selfish, heartless, but she'd been running her whole life. Running from her family, from her awful, alcohol soaked father, from abusive lovers, from poverty. And now it might actually be the end of the line, and she was so, so tired, and Oliver was so obviously a lost cause.

They both were. She was going to die down here in everything but the technical sense, giving her life for a vampire's pleasure. Few would miss her or even notice she was gone.

"They're bringing dinner now, Emily. I'd better get back in my cell," Oliver said. "And... I'm sorry that I can't help you. I really am."

"I'm sorry, too, Oliver."

Dinner arrived, and it was a heaping plate of roast turkey and gravy with mashed potatoes, peas, and a slice of apple pie, of all things. Imagine apple pie baked and served by vampires! It smelled heavenly and it was the largest meal they'd served yet. She couldn't help but be suspicious. 

She knew that no matter how suspicious she was, she'd cave and eat it in a few minutes at most. She'd been hungry enough in her life that she couldn't bear not to eat hot, fresh food when it was right in front of her face, especially since it hadn't been drugged or poisoned up until now. She hated herself for how eagerly she ate the vampires' prison food, cleaning her plate every time, and that it was the best fed she'd been in ages. 

This was no exception, the kind of meal she dreamed about on nights when she'd had to content herself with half a can of beans or a single mashed potato. At least if this was her last meal as herself, it was a decent one.

The lights snapped off, and she'd barely had enough time to brace herself before Oliver started up the mantras again. "Obedience is pleasure," he said, in a thick, drowsy voice. "No desire to resist. Too tired to resist. Hopeless to resist..."

Emily furrowed her brow. That seemed directly pointed at her. Lily was trying to wear her down, she just knew it. Whatever she did, she couldn't sleep tonight, couldn't let those thoughts be drilled into her brain.

She sat, and stared into the pitch black gloom, and tried to think of anything, anything at all. Old friends. New paints. A pint of cheap beer. Fall leaves. The view from the Oak Street Bridge. 

Too tired to resist...

She was never getting out of here, was she?

She was so sleep deprived, and her stomach was comfortably full, and the cells were always kept warm...

She didn't realize it when her head began to nod, her thoughts swirling into nightmares of a vampire pinning her down and drinking from her neck, draining her energy and life, all the while Oliver's voice droned on about obedience.

And she didn't, at first, realize it when Oliver's droning voice mixed with Lily's.

"Obedience is pleasure. You're too tired to resist, Emily, much too tired," said a calm and soothing voice close by.

Emily stirred. She wasn't in her bed. She was being... held? Carried. 

"Shhh, Emily, relax. Go back to sleep. You're so tired," said Lily. "And you're already under my spell. There's nothing to fight. Go back to sleep."

A nightmare? It had to be. "I'm not..." she protested, trying to wake up. Why was it so hard? She cracked her eyelids open. Lily was looking down at her while carrying her in her arms.

"Of course you are, dear. Even the most defiant human must sleep, and even the most defiant human mind is vulnerable while sleeping," she said, as though explaining to a child. "Sleep now, go back to sleep. You're too tired to resist."

This couldn't be happening. This couldn't be happening now. She felt herself slipping back into slumber against her will, clawing her consciousness back from the brink.

"You're not going to have me," she said, fighting the haze that threatened to swallow her.

"Oh, pet, I've subdued a hundred girls like you and I'll subdue a hundred more after," she said. "Now hush, and go back to sleep."

Part Fourteen >> Masterlist >> Part Sixteen

Thank you for reading this story about Emily.

Tag list - please note if you'd like to be added

@d-cs @latenightcupsofcoffee @thecyrulik @dismemberment-on-a-tuesday-night @wanderinggoblin @whumpyourdamnpears @only-shadows-dwell-where-we-are @pressedpenn @pigeonwhumps

[jiangwanyinscatmom]

I don't know if you already answered this so feel free to ignore.

What is your thoughts on Yu Ziyuan? am I the only one that thinks fandon defence of her saying she is just the typical Asian tiger mom is insulting to Asian mothers? You can be strict and not be abusive and guess what? YZ is not it.

Hell the author themselves made an entire chapter to say that she took things too far too often against a single person to be simple discipline towards a disciple. It was personal and she took great pleasure in it, just bc WY decides to stay despite his treatment doesn't make it any less horrible.

Am i the only one that thinks she only accepted WC orders to whip WY because she always took any chance to do so? That if Wang Lingjao hadn't mentioned she would have to be subservient to someone of lower class she would have gleefully cut off WYs hand and not reacted at all to the Wen invasion?

That in her last moments she made sure to remind WY one last time that he would be nothing but a servant to her, to tie him with a last wish so he would have the moral obligation to give up everything to JC like a proper servant should? I wholly believe part of her sudden tenderness to JC in her last goodbye was to also rub in WY face not only what he never had but what JC was losing just to rub salt in the wound.

Just, in what universe does people see a girlboss misunderstood by the world and its sexism? sometimes i think i read the wrong books or saw a different show... am i really the only one that sees this?

Good evening anon, I've been sitting on this a bit as I was weighing how exactly to answer this coherently. So, for the short answer; I do not like her as a character nor is she supposed to be seen as anything deeper than what she is. A terrible mother and person who let resentment rule her.

The Long Answer: She is not misunderstood, she is very easy to break down. She was a jealous youth who actively agreed to a marriage where the fiancé was already lukewarm to her disposition and continued to cast blame on Cangse Sanren stealing something she never had. Note as well, as she was the one to force a marriage and insisted on this even after Cangse Sanren had married Wei Changze. She is selfish and entitled. This carries over to how she treats her children, she is not happy with her own self, so she hyper focused on the flaws she instilled within Jiang Cheng. Instead of actually supporting him as a mother should, she insults him and instead of love she actively despises and insults her own child. This is not a healthy parental figure. She was hardly there enough obviously to even think of offering care and love in a very negligent household. She laughs instead when Wei Wuxian is brought in she is more concerned about being proven right about adding another child into the household will disrupt their already volatile dislike of each other.

Not once does she praise her children she fixates on despising Wei Wuxian and being annoyed he is able to be talented naturally so much she constantly pits her son against him herself and encourages that resentment to grow in him. She does not care about anything other than her own festering hate, and sure as hell never nurtured her own with love. She is miserable, pathetic and no whatever love she may have held for Jiang Cheng was toxic and all the worse to him as she never uplifted him as an actual loving parent should.

Her treatment of Wei Wuxian is certainly just as vile given he wasn't even her own yet she stayed forever jealous all over her own stories that exasperated her own hate for Cangse Sanren and superimposed that to Wei Wuxian. She has no excuse for her treatment of any of the children under her household. Hate is a sad way to live and end life, and it stops being sympathetic when she lived and died garnering the feelings and reactions she earned with it.

[outsidereveries]

heeseung's personality

what he was like in his childhood: a child with simple desires. heeseung didn't want many things. also very happy and responsible kid. emotional when needed too.

which qualities has changed during puberty: his strong desire to be independent. i am unsure if he's only child but he hardly works in a team. he communicates harder compared to before. compared to his childhood, heeseung might've had rough time at some point.

what he's faking: his views for certain topics that are relevant to the western world (from european turkey/russia to the west). he either changes his opinion often or doesn't care.

what's also fake but tries not to be: his honesty. he holds some thoughts back to himself.. for some reason heeseung might've had learnt media literacy at one point.

what's genuine: him exploring his character as a member of enhypen. he really tries to get along to all of the members.

what we don't see: how he's hardworking for the sake of the group's happiness. heeseung might've learned to not be egoistic as i feel there were activities that were towards him but he gave them up to the group as a whole or to someone else.

political views: might be into the korean politics as he wants some sort of changes at least for specific things. heeseung might be aware for the foreign politics such as the usa elections, eu elections..

controversial things he agrees with: if someone doesn't get along with the people in their environment or feels unhappy, they should take rest and change their path. heeseung dislikes if someone isn't with great intentions surrounding their job. either be courageous or everyone will be unhappy. tsk, heeseung seems to dislike these people.

addictions (either more prone to has them or might have them): doesn't seem to have any, tries to be better person for sure.

destruction traits: overthinks the past and "revisiting" it whether if it is through his dreams or visualise it. he should try to not make mistakes over and over again whether if they're small or huge.

qualities he's proud to have: he tries to make his own ideal world and he successfully does it so, at least for now.

intentions for the future: heeseung wants to explore more solo gigs, he just didn't find them yet.

[thenten]

This is a single-post masterlist for any plot or dynamic I'm ALWAYS super interested in for threads, for the reference of my mutuals.

𝐆𝐞𝐧𝐞𝐫𝐚𝐥 𝐃𝐲𝐧𝐚𝐦𝐢𝐜𝐬 Just general character relationships, needs little elaboration.

Mentor Figure: While Ben isn't exactly short on mentors/role-models in his life, I am always open to him having more. Older, more experienced muses giving him life advice or training him is forever going to be a valued necessity for this brat.

Heroic Rival: Competitive crime-fighting is bound to happen with Ben's current habit of showing up on another hero's turf. This can be friendly, or it can be hostile, either or is a fun dynamic.

Casual Antagonist: Simply put, I think the idea of Ben just hanging out and eating chili fries with someone still doing active villainy that Ben himself has thwarted is very funny. This is reserved for villains of the more "robbing a bank, not hurting hostages" variety, ones that wouldn't have given Ben a real reason to square up on sight. If you don't have a witnessed bodycount, he'd never pick a fight while eating- eating is sacred.

Newest Nemesis: Antagonists of the non-casual variety. Villains that want Ben destroyed or want the tech on his wrist, and are willing to do anything to achieve their goals. LOVE the thought of Ben gaining lasting feuds with bad-guys across the multiverse.

𝐂𝐚𝐬𝐮𝐚𝐥 𝐏𝐥𝐨𝐭𝐬 Low-stake plots more for relationship building between muses.

Training Regiment: Drag Ben into training, to prove his merits or assess them in general, whether it's training his base form or sparring with his alien transformations. Good for bonding.

World Tour: Ben's main goal in his multiversal misadventures is exploring strange new worlds, and he's always eager to get a tour from a local expert! Have your muse show him the weirder parts of their world, the local culture, the scenery!

The Downsides to Fame: Ben trying to give someone a tour of his world for a change, and it unfortunately coming with the harassment of paparazzi and the very clear reveal that he's probably the most famous person on his Earth, much to his active disdain at this point in his life.

"Do you have a license for that?": Simply put, any muse in a position of authority that would encompass either multiversal travel or the use of a device as powerful of the Omnitrix being sent to investigate Ben or just doing it themselves. This can be as simple as the setup for a casual interaction, or potentially escalate to a chase/fight... though, Ben does try to avoid that.

𝐂���𝐨𝐬𝐬𝐨𝐯𝐞𝐫 𝐏𝐥𝐨𝐭𝐬 Higher-stake plots usually with some action-y element, the possibility of spanning across multiple threads, and of which are all intended to feel more like what you'd see in an actual crossover storyline.

The Hero V Hero Misunderstanding: I hardly need to explain this one, it's a classic trope- Ben 10 has even done it officially with Generator Rex! Some general misunderstanding brings a muse into a direct fight with Ben, them both thinking each other the villain of the scenario. This can just be a fight thread, or it can be the opening scene to a greater plot involving both characters!

Unintentioned Rescue: For muses with evil organizations they regularly square off against and who's evil bases they occasionally tear their way through for whatever purpose, allow me to paint the scene of that muse finding Ben rather embarrassingly captured in their most secured holding cell. The Omnitrix attracts a lot of the worst kinds of attention, unfortunately, so this happens a lot.

"The device will be MINE!": Truly villainous muses are invited and entitled to trying to seize the Omnitrix from Ben, always. Entirely open to plotting this out in detail, or just going post-by-post.

"𝐃𝐍𝐀 𝐒𝐚𝐦𝐩𝐥𝐞 𝐀𝐜𝐪𝐮𝐢𝐫𝐞𝐝" Plots & setups focused on Ben scanning some new DNA. Usually the DNA of the other muse in question, but not necessarily.

Learning from the Best: After Ben acquires a scan of your muse's DNA, be it intentionally or unintentionally, he requests their help in getting a good grip on the new transformation- this can be anything from training with their abilities, explaining the tech if the transformation came with it, or just helping him with any weird new feelings or cravings that come with the new adjustment.

"Anything YOU can do...": Through the chaos of combat, the Omnitrix pulls a scan of someone Ben is fighting (be it someone he's helping your muse fight, or your muse themselves), and quickly uses the new transformation on the spot.

Unwanted Guest: This is a very, very niche plot for a very specific scenario, but the thought of an alien being hiding itself away inside the Omnitrix under the guise of a gathered DNA sample, like what happened with Ghostfreak, is always super cool to me. It takes a special type of species to do this and not every universe has one that can, but I'd be super down to write Ben getting unwittingly possessed by a Symbiote or w/e.

[rin-and-jade]

How can I gain the trust of my alters as an introject of our system’s abuser?

I hardly get the chance to front and whenever I do I am cut off from my other alters. They do not trust me, they are afraid of me, and many actively hate me.

At first I did struggle to determine that I was not actually literally my source. But at this point I do know better and I am trying to change for the better. But my alters do not see me as my own person. They see me as the one who traumatized them. They don’t understand that I am also a victim.

Unfortunately we do not have access to therapy at this time. Our system seems so fragmented to me, but it is painful to see whenever I front the evidence of my alters collaborating and getting along while simultaneously isolating me and pushing me away. On one hand, I am happy for them and their progress. On the other, it makes me feel even more isolated and alone, because I have never been afforded the opportunity to connect in those ways. My alters run from me and want nothing to do with me. I actively trigger them and our brushes of contact range from them acting cold and terse to downright panicking and fleeing… and this is with me making active efforts to behave in ways that differ from my source.

Any insight or resources for abuser-introjects would be immensely appreciated. Thank you for your time and consideration.

First of all, im very sorry that you're going through this. It can be very isolating and difficult to deal with such treatment, and i personally understand this from my own experience through my own developed persecutory behaviors due to maltreatment too,, which all my other parts do struggle understanding. I can say am qualified to help you through my own experience (also trial and error).

Here is a very detailed post i have made about introjection, and this also helps people think more deeper on what's the deal with parts and their sources, good or bad. This would help them--and yourself, understand much better too. Give it a read alright?

Also, persecutors or abuser-introjected parts are highly misunderstood, and only a slight fraction are the ones who are malignant (purposely causing havoc with no goal in mind) which probably caused fears surrounding it.

It will be difficult for them to accept you--or be curious about you even. But it is possible, with time and effort. Let's get to the point:

identify your source, and compare how similar you are to it. This takes a good while to realize, so do not rush and assume, you are here to survey and collect whatever resemblance you can catch.

Dismantle and understand the reason behind those actions. From there on, if you do catch some resemblance, or you recognize what you introjected from the abuser, dig deeper on why do you internalize such behavior or attitude. Be open and curious on what can be done in a different manner, that will not be associated with being bad or evil.

Getting them to see you as who you are is difficult until they know you acted different from your source. Which is why we need to attempt to drag their attention with active efforts for communication. Even if they do not respond to you, or actively isolate you--say them a good morning, send some short acknowledgement for your progress. Saying what you have in mind can help them gauge better on what's your intention better. You can even apologize, an abuser doesn't usually care doing that, right? So that'll totally do something.

This isn't one way either, they also should learn to be curious. Find opportunities to present similar resources (like my linked post) that they have trouble understanding to their fyp, or through a friend, be creative. If that isn't feasible, then asking simple questions like "what are you achieving from this?" about your treatment will also bring answers and underlying problems that they struggle with too. This is the hardest part i personally went through, though. But it totally made their little pea brain turn some gears.

Anywho, i am open to communicate and keep in contact with you through my DMs! It is not my first time having cases similar to this so i might be of help to you.

Also therapy generally sucks if you're from america. I'll do my best to give unconditional hospitality and advices for the community. This blog is made for that.

- j

[glareandgrowl]

Everyone Saw it coming if they are on my blog but

Kiyotaka Ishimaru for the ask game plsssss !

Ask game Here

Sexuality Headcanon:

Now, see, starting off with a kinda hard one... Taka's an interesting bean in what I calculate his sexuality to be. Most people assume Gay since... ya know. And while I don't think that's necessarily a bad take, its the popular take. And I am one who tends to shy away from popular takes. (I am also one to vehemently project onto the characters I love). Hence, I HC Taka as Demiromantic! (and demisexual to an extent...)

Forms strong emotional bonds with people close to him? Check. Only ever seems to fall romantically for those he is extremely close with??? DOuble check babeyyy!

Gender Headcanon:

Aaaand now its simple. Taka's a male. Cut and dry. Rather fondly a guy, I must say. He strikes me as the kinda guy who would be so excited to share with you that he uses he/him pronouns! He probably did some soul searching when he first learned of transitioning and other gender orientations only to find he was rather comfortable and happy where he was. (you know he spent hours studying to learn all he could) and would be all for helping others explore their gender too!

I know a lot of people hc him and mondo both as trans, but personally I think hes just very proud of his manliness.

A ship I have with said character:

I couullddd go the easy route and say Ishimondo... But you all already know that. Instead I'm going to go with a more... scandalous... ship.

Its KiyoKiyo. Korekiyo and Kiyotaka. Its my guilty pleasure ship.

Now, granted, I imagine this as a Korekiyo who has shaken himself of his 'sister's' grasp and is "normal" (Ie LOTS of therapy), so its more like the shy introvert getting dragged along by the loud golden retriever boy but I digress. Its sweet to me. Tall lanky and smol but strong.

(And YES this originated from Danganronpa Redemption FIGHT ME---)

A BROTP I have with said character:

Once again I could go with an obvious, that being Chihiro or Hina, but you ALREADY know this and I GO AGAINST THE ORDINARY!!!

I think Sayaka and Taka would be great friends :3

Hardworking, burnout-having besties who have to be told numerous times to slow down and take a break by their chiller, sweet yet partially annoying boyfriends.

A NOTP I have with said character:

There are so many... who do I begin with... Genuinely who do I begin with. Alr I hardly see this one in the wild but Kokichi and Kiyotaka I despise. Either that's just because I hate kokichi but-- BESIDES THE POINT. Hiro and Taka is another one I don't particularly like.

I get where it comes from, the few times they interract in the canon could be seen as brotherly (I GUESS) from Hiro's standpoint but-- Idk it just kinda rubs me the wrong way. Hiro's character in general does that...

A Random Headcanon:

Taka enjoys, and is really good at boxing. (Or wrestling) Like how some stories I've read put him on the football (soccer for us americans) team (or rugby ig idk.) I have a (self-inflicted) HC that Taka has slight anger issues hes still recovering from as a child and ABSOLUTELY uses the environment of controlled violence as a way to work off pent up steam. Any sport could do that really, but the inherent homoeroticism of wrestling is just *mwah* too good to pass up.

I know people like to HC he's into some kind of martial arts lessons for the same kind of vibe, and the art of him and Peko, but I find the inante physicality of using yer fists and body as a much more... *Taka Centric* activity. Idk.

Its the same reason he really enjoys thrill rides like rollercoasters and horror movies (if he can stand to not postulate the entire plot the whole time, ruining climactic moments and making people shush him.)

General Opinions:

HE GOT FUCKING ROBBED IN CANON MY BOY---

anyway feel free to ask me about more characters!!! This was fun :3

[burntchicken]

Tw: suicide, death mention

I'm going to make this more hidden because I don't want to trigger anyone, read at your own risk.

To all the people leaving the jjk fandom: I know it hurts after what was leaked, I'm so sorry you had to see things like this happen and kept experiencing it with hardly a break. It's terrible, we have lost so much reading this manga, and it sucks. It could have been done better but it is what it is.

And genuinely to the people who leaked it and then spread it around, fuck you. Formality and etiquette in fandom is just gone, and people are forced to see spoilers way in advance compared to how they should be by actually processing the manga. I'm too old at this point to really be that upset to the point where I leave anything (but I do remember when I did on certain shows!) and I just find it sad that so many people are leaving.

But above all, despite the pain and the anger many are feeling right now, I genuinely need people to follow a simple rule.

Leave Gege alone and stop sending death threats or talking about committing suicide in front of them.

I acknowledge that there is pain, I felt it the more I learned about Geto and his relationship with Gojo and after Shibuya, etc. And being the old person I am by tumblr designation, I have seen so many shows where I have experienced too much of it. That is, however, NO excuse to be talking like that. Jokes or not, that is a very serious, disturbing, and, in all honesty, completely disrespectful way to handle this. Gege owes no one anything, we choose to read the things we want to, and if someone makes terrible things happen in the series despite us not liking them, we are not fucking entitled enough to be doing things like that. Get some help if you genuinely are so affected by this that you are having suicidal thoughts or if you are thinking of murder. The pain is real, yes, your thoughts are real and valid to yourself true, but when you start letting those feelings make terrible decisions, you need help. I'm not active on any social media really, but I have seen screenshots of people doing those exact things. And I'm not surprised. People send death threats as a form of "activism" nowadays despite it being extremely counterproductive and shows nothing more than how vile they are as a human being.

Just please, if you are upset, take time to try and heal. If you need to talk, my dms are open and I do like to help or just listen to people. If you are hurting and choose to send these death threats, get help, seriously.

[skincare-surveyor]

The Ordinary EUK 134 0.1% Serum

Brand: The Ordinary

Product Type: Serum

Price:  11.10 USD

Size: 1 fl. oz.

✔️Vegan ✔️Clean Ingredients ✔️Cruelty Free ✔️Sustainable Packaging

Star Ingredients:

Ethylbisiminomethylguaiacol Manganese Chloride: A powerful, synthetic antioxidant molecule that also helps reduce redness.

Texture: Thin, oil-like

Feel: A bit sticky

On its own, EUK-134 has a bit of an oily feel, although it absorbs quickly and leaves no more of a residue than a moisturizer would.

Scent: 🌸

Hardly anything.

Results: After I moved to New Mexico, I really struggled with dry skin. I had really only used drugstore products up to that point because it was either that or pay an exorbitant amount to use products from department store brands. I couldn’t afford that, but the drugstore brands just weren’t helping. My skin was dry and stripped, and I didn’t know what to do.

That’s when a friend introduced me to The Ordinary. I’d have to order it online, they said, but at least it was in my budget and wasn’t filled with all that bad crap that was in the drugstore skincare products I was using. I ordered a very simple skincare routine to try them out.

This serum is a powerful, synthetic antioxidant that actually mimics two natural compounds found in our bodies. For those of you who are hesitant to try a synthetic antioxidant, I get it. However, I urge you to at least listen to this lovely video from a chemist explaining what this product is and how it works. Personally, I found this serum to have an immediate effect on how red and agitated my skin was. I like efficiency, so when the description suggested adding a few drops of this to The Ordinary NMF + HA Moisturizer for application, that’s how I primarily used it. 

EUK-134 is a bit fussy. When exposed to UV and air for excessive amounts of time, it can undergo a color change. Some reviewers have found this disconcerting. The color change does not impact the effectiveness of the product. However, if you wish to avoid this, Undercover Chemist suggests storing it in the original box between uses. Personally, I found that storing it in a cool, dark place - like a drawer or a medicine cabinet - worked fine as well. 

Because of its chemical makeup, it also has some stipulations for use. You cannot use this product with copper peptides, direct acids (AHAs like Glycolic Acid, BHAs like Salicylic Acid, Lactic Acid, Mandelic Acid, Azelaic Acid, etc.), vitamin C, or resveratrol and ferulic acids. Undercover Chemist also adds that it should not be used with retinols, as these are also acids. As I said though, I used it with NMF + HA Moisturizer and had no problem with it. I think since Hyaluronic Acid is a different type of acid than those listed above, it doesn’t interact with EUK-134. 

If you love a simple skincare routine, this is an amazing addition to it, and unlike other antioxidants, it works throughout the day, not just at the time of application.

At the time though, when I was considering whether or not to purchase more, I heard some pretty disturbing things about Deciem’s CEO at the time, Brandon Trauxe. That he had made racist and fatphobic remarks. That his behavior was erratic. I decided to try and find other brands.

Years later, we now know that Brandon Trauxe had some sort of drug problem that was causing his incredibly erratic behavior. After his death, former co-CEO Nicola Kilner returned to the company and has done some wonderful work saving both the parent company, Deciem, and their most popular line, The Ordinary. While Trauxe’s death at such a young age is tragic, it’s heartening to know that Kilner has the company in good hands. I, personally, am no longer opposed to buying from them, but I’ve included some resources so you can make your own decision.

Comps: Unfortunately, it does not appear that anyone else is using EUK-134 as an active in their products. 

EUK-134 is owned by Lucas Meyer Cosmetics and, from what I understand, is quite expensive to purchase. This may be the reason why EUK-134 has not caught on with other brands or, perhaps, because it is so restrictive and is destroyed by contact with strong acids, other brands have given it a pass because ultimately, they would not be able to sell you as many products in a skincare routine using EUK-134. 

Whatever the reason, this was currently the only EUK-134-based product I was able to find.

You could try a more common antioxidant ingredient. Vitamin C is probably the most well-known. Vitamin E; Resveratrol; Niacinamide (stay away from the synthetic; that's been proven to have negative health impacts); Retinol, a derivative of Vitamin A; CoQ10; and polyphenols, found in ingredients like green tea, sometimes labelled Camellia (that's tea's scientific name) all are great options for antioxidants.

[avikats66]

If I had to describe my experience with echolalia/palilalia/vocal stimming, the metaphor I would use to best relay that experience to others would be farting - stay with me here.

We all fart. We may go through periods of time where we don’t really fart that much - so little so that we don’t even hardly notice farting - and periods where we are gassy - maybe due to something we ate - and fart a lot very noticeably. If one feels the urge to fart, depending upon how strong that urge is, one can voluntarily choose to fart, but often the need and subsequential unconscious act come and go without much, if any, conscious and deliberate control or effort on our part. Upon feeling the urge to fart, again depending upon how strong said urge is, one can also choose to hold it in. This can result in the urge temporarily subsiding until a later time, or the urge remains but one can still hold in the fart for a while longer. If you’ve been holding in a fart there often comes a point where you can’t hold it in anymore and it just comes out involuntarily. However, usually when you fart it’s not something you put conscious effort into doing and you have just a simple observation of the fact you farted, or you don’t even take not of it at all. On the other hand, if you have a sore gut and the urge to fart you may put active focus and effort into farting to relieve your sore gut - especially if you fart once unconsciously and then see how that’s made you feel better.

Okay so replace farting with vocal stimming via the repetition of words and making/repeating sounds and it’s a pretty good approximation of what I experience. I may repeat words/phrases and make sounds more or less depending upon my levels of stress and/or emotional arousal. My vocal stimming comes out more the more uneasy or stressed I am, but also when I am very happy and/or excited. It helps me deal with stress and enhance/express enjoyment. It’s something I do have some control over, but often when I do it it’s a very instinctive and almost unconscious behaviour, and though I can make active effort to suppress it when I see fit, the stronger the urge the harder it is to suppress (and the less time I will be able to do so for if said urge persists), that’s not something I do often.

Imagine if for some reason you had to put effort into not smiling - let’s say because it made people uncomfortable or they just didn’t like it; it would take a lot of focus/effort to keep that up when smiling is, a) something you do as an unconscious response, and b) something you do as a conscious response to express happiness and communicate. Maybe in certain situations this is something you’d be willing to put the effort into doing - whether solely for the sake of others or your own personal discretion - but having to do this all or even most of the time whenever your in public and/or interacting with others would be draining and detrimental to your well-being.

My vocal stimming isn’t near so frequent or even as instinctual as smiling (plus there’s also how it functions as a coping behaviour for stress and not just expression of enjoyment), but again I think it’s a metaphor which rings very close. And the way I experience vocal stimming isn’t universal; other people may have similar experiences on different spectrums of intensity/frequency or even very different ones also on their own spectrum of intensity/frequency. Also, not all autistic people experience echolalia and not all people who experience echolalia are autistic; there’s different types of echolalia, some of which are vocal stimming and some which are not.

[familydentalcare]

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[mnemyyy]

So, here's the thing...

I'm in the middle of crushing on someone that should not be. I mean, I just had this crazy thoughts and sudden feelings for someone unexpectedly fleeting. It's sound cringy, and I think it is too I know but I'm gonna tell it anyway here to realize something and probably wake up my senses. Although I already know I should.

Well, I know myself that I get easily flattered when I've found or felt something what I'm looking for to someone. It's not everyday I get the chance to meet someone and meet my expectations. That is why sometimes, I have this thing in my head like I am attracted to this person something like that. Then my mind will go wild and overthink things like, "oh I think he'll be a good partner" and then imagine romantic things and including him in my future, like how nice would it be to do these things with him everyday and so on. See, that's my problem and I don't know what to do about it. But then again sometimes I know. So yeah, I know I'm a bit chaotic and confusing.

So, I had this guy and he is my classmate. Actually,I have already noticed him since day 1 but I disregarded it because I don't know,I was so immensed at the nows of my daily college life that everything I experienced were all normal things and they were'nt big deals to think and write of. And actually it's my first time writing again about how I feel since first day of Baguio.

So going back...well, this guy is someone I can fight like a little kid with. immature fights (but not intentionally). We're just acting like that so I get used to it, and it didn't mean anything.

Until....

one night, I saw him in my dreams, weirdly. I mean, why would he appear in my dreams? he is the least I expect to dream of. really. I didnt mind it at first because It was merely a dream and I even told it to my friend.

This week gone in a glimpse and then Thursday came and we had ftf class. We were groupmates in one of our subjects and I had a nice, unexpected and very open conversation with him. It was really a good conversation with him and I like talking to him that lab period. I really didn't expect him to ask a lot of questions about me and I didn't expect to be curious about him. I didn't really want to talk to him because he had to finish his part on our group activity and I didn't want to share who I am personally to him. Like why would I? we're not even that close to share my likes and me as a person to him.

But he was just so stubborn to ask so I myself didn't expect to share my thoughts and about me to him. I got to know him, but not very much. He was very talkative, yes. but he is also a good listener. I mean he's good at conversing to someone like me who hardly talk and share. He can notice and pictures who I am witbout even telling him. I mean how did he know me. He's just guessing but how come he is right about me. Like how I like classics, aesthetic, strong independent woman, paris, simple things...etc. Maybe that is why I like talking to him because he seems interested in me and I know he will listen...I really admire our conversation because we talked about ourselves and our thoughts openly...we got to know each other, or at least I have.

Nevertheless, I am

[hauntedbyeverythingatonce]

one: the story

09.10.2022, sunday

i live for the narrative.

i have been aware of it for the past few years, but i can't tell when it started. maybe i have been like this all my life.

i view my life as a story, and i live according to that. this is by no means a passive thing. it is obvious that every little thing that is in some way perceived can be, or maybe is in itself, a story. but this is not what i am talking about.

the position the story of a life has in my mindset is close to the opposite of the statement "life writes the best stories", or however you chose to word the quote. my story is not a chain of coincidences, it is not me living through things that might make a good story, my story is completely build and written by myself.

i am actively writing this story and controlling it. do not get me wrong, i don't mean this in an empowering way. i will come back to the possible reasoning behind this later on, just keep in mind that this is not supposed to praise my way of living as a way of taking control of one's life.

decisions i make and things i do are always motivated by whether they would fit into the story i am crafting for myself. there is a certain atmosphere, a point, a type of main character that has to be consistent. and all that i do has to be something the protagonist of my story would realistically do. everything is controlled.

it does not end here. a story needs ups and downs, good and bad events. i am aware of that and take it into consideration when going about my life. i will create my downs, have a self-imposed downfall, have controlled negative reactions to things. i have a tendency of wanting the story to be "clean", to have no open endings and all conflicts resolved or defeat accepted. therefore, most problems are made with a concrete plan of solving them in mind. still, i will suffer for the time being, or make myself suffer, for the story.

and by no means am i portraying myself as a good person, or a hero. the story is meant to be interesting, to be good enough for telling, but that is it. i control the story, i control how i am perceived, but this has no relation to me keeping up a good image.

so, what is the worst that can happen? something sudden and unexpected. bad things happening, i can live with that. i incorporate them into my story, and i tailor my reaction until it fits perfectly and matches the story. but changes made by a higher power are intolerable. some things are impossible to fit into the story. and some of these things change everything about my life and myself. this is when it gets hard. i then have trouble re-constructing my story around this event. some of these events make me unable to continue the story, which puts me in misery. luckily, i am able to fix things most of the time, make turns and changes until the pieces fit back together and things can go on.

while controlling everything, i have very little control. i am controlled by the wish for a neat narrative. i want my story to be one that can be told, and i want it to be a very certain kind of story. this limits me, and besides being my artificially crafted main character, i am not sure who i really am. i can hardly connect to my emotions and myself, and there is no way of knowing what i would do if it weren't for the story.

why? a very simple question, with many possible answers.

the obvious one, possibly the most redeeming one, is this being a coping mechanism. i romanticise to the point it makes everything bearable and controllable, or at least gives an illusion of control, and i make all that happens to me feel unreal. so, this might be either mental ilness or a reaction to mental illness.

the less defendable theories that can hardly be called normal can be divided into three categories, which are innocence, knowledge and arrogance.

the first category, innocence, is fairly simple. i am just hopeful, optimistic and stupid. i romanticise because i am genuinely able to see bad things as part of something good, because i genuinely think that there is the beauty of a story in all suffering. while this is possible, i think it is rather unlikely to be the answer.

the second category is called knowledge, which is the rather philosophical approach to explaining this behaviour. i am aware how meaningless a single human individual, or any individual for that matter, is in this great universe we exist in. no matter what i do, i will die, i will rot away, i will be gone and forgotten. a story, having a point, gives meaning to something that does not hold any meaning on its own, and there is always the chance of a story lasting far longer than the one telling it, possibly becoming as immortal as something man-made can be. while this slightly nihilistic view might seem intelligent, i do not think i am so smart that i internally and truly accept meaninglessness. i think i belong to the majority of people that simply ignore this fact and push it away, instead of facing and accepting it.

this leaves me with the third and last category, which i called arrogance. this is related to the very first theory, the one stating that i use this as a way of coping, but the focus lies on different aspects. i do not have to explain the sheer arrogance it takes to view yourself as the main character. the pridefulness in romanticising your whole life, to the point you believe it to be something as intricate and interesting as a story. while i wish i could disagree with this theory, i morally can not. i know how bad i have been and my morals will not let me defend myself against this allegation. which is why i will accept this theory as the answer.

to be answering the question of why i live for the story with my own arrogance is admitting to being evil. it is admitting that this system of thought has to end, and one more point on the list of my crimes against the spirit of humanity.

my conclusion is causing me pain, but happiness lies in acceptance and acceptance needs truth first. but i am afraid that happines will no longer be an option - that i will know that i am not deserving of it - by the time i have found the whole truth.

[ghosts-and-blue-sweaters]

Ooh, ask game! :D *checks tags 5+ times to make sure* *because lessons were learned* Yup, it's an ask game. I'll do 2 and 44 for Jyn-Si, 15 and 30 for Elmer, 8 and 46 for Blanket, 57 and 58 for Fiddle, 24 and 56 for Alaber! Feel free to pick a few for my OCs as well if you'd like and I'll gladly answer! 😁 ~Pinestripe

Awww, no worries XD

Jyn-Si

How loosely or strictly do they use the word ‘friend’?

Very loosely, but she means it every time! She makes friends almost instantly with pretty much everyone, even if she’s only known them for a few minutes 😊

What language would be easiest for them to learn? Why?

I’m not an expert on different languages, so I’m pretty limited in my response to this, but I’d say French. She’d enjoy the eloquent-but-fun-ness of it, and she’d be great at pronunciation! She’d also learn quickly, and would love to randomly speak French to Elmer and watch him try to figure out what she’s saying XD

Elmer

What’s the most obvious difference between their behavior at home, at work, at school, with friends, and when they’re alone?

Around everyone, Elmer puts on an act—he has to, or else he runs the risk of being found out as a spy. He appears to be enjoying himself, but inside, he’s nervous and stressed and scared.

When he’s alone, he can let that act go. He feels less nervous, but he’s often still stressed out.

I guess the biggest difference is that when he’s alone, he allows his brokenness to show; he can cry, or scream into a pillow, or curl up in his bed, or stare at his reflection in the mirror and pay attention to the bags under his eyes and the few hairs on his head that have turned grey because of the stress of everything and the tiny scars that remind him of dark times in the past and his dry lips that are chapped and his eyes may be filling with tears because he hates this and he wants it to end.

But of course, when he’s with people, he puts on an act. He doesn’t let anyone see how miserable he is. And it’s hard.

When they make a mistake and feel bad, does the guilt differ when it’s personal versus when it’s professional?

When it’s a professional mistake (that sounds weird lol) he mostly feels scared. He’s scared that his boss will react badly, because she has reacted badly before.

When it’s a personal mistake, he’s scared that he’s hurt people, and that they’ll get mad at him too.

So in short: when it’s professional, he’s worried about himself. When it’s personal, he’s worried about others.

Blanket (oh my gosh I'm so happy you asked about him bhshabjdvasvj)

How loose is their use of the phrase ‘I love you’?

Not loose at all—if he says those words to someone, he absolutely, 100%, perfectly and completely means it.

He also doesn’t say it to just anyone, even people he cares about. In order for him to truly mean those words, he needs lots of time to bond with someone; it definitely doesn’t happen overnight.

Are they a listener or a talker? If they’re a listener, what makes them talk? If they’re a talker, what makes them listen?

Listener. He’s naturally quiet, and hardly ever speaks around people he doesn’t know.

He’ll talk if he’s…

A) In a private setting with people he’s close to. He feels very comfortable around his friends/brothers.

B) Very uncomfortable/uneasy/unsure of something. If he doesn’t want to do something, he’ll make that known, describing why with easy to understand terms.

Fiddle (YOU ASKED ABOUT HIM TOO I AM HAPPIFYED)

What’s a simple daily activity / motion that they mess up often?

Not sure if this counts, but getting into a healthy sleep schedule. He loves to wake up early and play his violin, and he often stays up late to… play his violin lol. He loves the instrument so much that he’ll gladly forgo sleep in order to play it XD

How many hobbies have they attempted to have over their lifetime? Is there a common theme?

He hasn’t attempted too many, mostly because as a kid, he was unsure of what he truly was passionate about/enjoyed.

And then of course, he discovered music, and that’s been a constant ever since.

Alaber

Did they take a cookie from the cookie jar? What kind of cookie was it?

C’mon, this is an easy one.

*stares at Alaber, who’s plucking cookie crumbs out of his feathers*

He quite enjoys cookies with nuts in them, but he’ll eat just about any type. Looks like he got into the Oreos this time :0

If they’re scared, who do they want comfort from? Does this answer change depending on the type of fear?

ELMER!!! He consistently goes to Elmer, no matter what the fear is :’)

As for your OCs, I’ll do… Light, with any questions you want!

[shorkbrian]

I swear I ain’t in it for the money, but I can’t stop thinking about sugar daddy shoto. Maybe he sweeps a cute little college kid or barista of their feet, just something fun and casual. But this man starts falling harder, needing a way to lock them down to him. Money isn’t quite cutting it anymore, so he decides fucking a baby into her would do the trick. Shoto would push her down into the mattress, large frame twisting her into a sweet mating press. This way they could stay together forever and Shoto would have absolutely no problem providing for his sweet family <3

but fr tho I feel like Shouto is NOT the type for kids.

Mans will tolerate them when they babble or wave at him, but he very actively Does Not Want them.

Always uses condoms, and even though he’ll threaten not to, it’s never a legit thought in his mind to cum inside. Shouto doesn’t want to be a dad.

-----

You’ll be sittin on a park bench, fading sunset dark and pretty in front of you yet all you can do is cry. There’s not really any people around so it’s not like you’re bothering anyone - you hadn’t wanted to cry in your shabby apartment (half the cause of your worries) just in case you received a noise complaint.

“Are you alright?”

A somber, smooth voice is heard. You’re swiping at your tears quickly as you look up, trying to laugh off your state of distress. “Oh, haha, yeah I’m fine. Thanks for asking.” It’s hard to smile with your puffy cheeks and red-rimmed eyes.

The man in front of you frowns, hands in his coat pockets, scarf draped around his neck. “You don’t look fine. Mind if I sit?”

He’s already claiming the spot next to you on the bench before you can say a word, turning to you with a passive expression. “Why are you crying?”

And that’s all it takes to have you breaking down all over again, tears streaming down your face. Just one person offering to listen to the heavy burden you have to bear.

‘’M sor-sorry...” You sob, wiping at your eyes with frigid fingers, successful in doing nothing more but smearing tears around your face.

“Here.” The man’s taking off his scarf, gloved hands offering it you.

“I ca-can’t use your sc-scarf sir.” But he’s insistent, pressing it into your hands up by your face.

“I’ll just get another one. Keep it, you’re in need of it more than I am.”

The kindness makes another fresh bout of tears roll down your cheeks, but this time you're able to dab them away with soft fabric as you sniffle.

It takes a moment for you to calm yourself. When you do, you can finally engage in conversation with the man.

You tell him about your job hours getting cut, how you’ve been turned down or ignored by every single place you’ve applied at for a second job. How you’re barely affording to wash your clothes - you have to hang them or drape them across things in your apartment because you don’t have the money to pay for a dryer cycle.

And to top it all off, you’re still short on rent, despite how you scrimped and saved and even forced yourself not to buy groceries this week - you’ve gone hungry for the past three days.

“You haven’t eaten?”

You glance up at the man and his incredulous expression, shaking your head. “I’ve been trying to save money, I thought I could afford my rent if-”

“What kind of food do you like?” The man is pulling out his phone, swiping and tapping immediately. 

“Thank you, but I’m not-” looking for charity is what you want to say. Plus, you shouldn’t accept favors from strange men.

But the handsome man is waving you silent. “I’m cold, plus I’d like to grab a bite to eat before I head home. I don’t like eating alone though, you’d honestly be doing me a favor.”

You take a moment to process. Is he telling the truth? He sounds like an honest guy.

“Seems like the only place open around here is “Joe’s 24 hour Diner”.... You mind burgers?”

So that's how you end up in a booth opposite the man (”Shouto” he had told you as you both headed to the diner), munching away at warm food. It tastes so good, you hardly have time to worry about the man watching you as he eats.

You’d been shocked at his looks the moment you’d seen him in the light of the diner. Pretty two-toned hair, different colored eyes, perfect skin, expensive clothes. Why was he even talking to you? It’s obvious the two of you led very different lives.

“How does everything taste?”

“Delicious.” Is your response, and Shouto seems pleased, nodding before taking another bite of his meal.

Maybe it’s stupid... but you feel weirdly safe with this man. He doesn’t seem to bear any ill-intent towards you, nor has he made any comments about your body or let his hands or eyes stray. He seems like a gentleman.

Conversation flows easily between the two of you, even sharing a few chuckles at times. He’s some fancy rich businessman, you learn, and you share about your own life, laughing at the comparisons. Shouto can’t fathom growing up in a house with less than five bedrooms and a personal servant.

He asks for your number, and you’re hesitant in giving it - he surely can’t be interested in you? But he seems so sincere, it’s hard to say no.

When the two of you part ways, Shouto gives you a wave, “Hope to see you again soon, and under better circumstances.”

“You too! And sorry for being such a mess and stopping your walk-”

Shouto shrugs, cheeks beginning to pink from the cold air as you two stand outside the diner. “You needed help. I like to assist.”

-----

The next morning you wake to find an atrociously large sum deposited in your Venmo account by none other than a Shouto Todoroki.

Immediately, you’re calling him. “It’s too much, we just met. How can you give away that much money to some low-life?”

You hear him sigh on the other end of the phone. “You’re obviously struggling. I was wondering what your hours are this week, perhaps we could talk about this over dinner? Or lunch, if that fits better with your schedule. I’m flexible.”

It’s a few days later, days spent questioning yourself, questioning his intentions, before you see him again, both of you deciding to meet for lunch to further discuss... whatever had just happened.

“Was what I gave you adequate to cover your rent?” Are the first words out of Shouto’s mouth after you greet each other.

“Yeah, more than enough-” You squirm. “But I need to ask.... why?”

“Why?”

“Why me.” 

“Oh.” Shouto’s expression clears. “That’s easy. I told you a few days ago - I like to assist. I’m quite lonely, and it feels nice to use my money on someone other than myself. I think providing for someone brings me... I wouldn’t quite say joy, but... contentment.”

You contemplate his answer for a moment. 

“Well... you saved me with my rent, I don’t really know how to thank you.”

The man leans forward. “Well.... I know it might be a bit sudden, but how would you feel accepting me as a.... benefactor of sorts?”

“You mean like a sugar daddy?” Is your immediate, blurted response. You want to slap yourself for speaking before you have the chance to think about your words, but luckily Shouto just lets out a light laugh.

“If you’d like to call it that. I’m willing to provide financial assistance for you, in exchange for companionship, if you’re willing to give it.”

Your face heats up as you drop your eyes, fidgeting nervously in your seat. “I don’t feel comfortable with a... a sexual relationshi-”

“That’s perfectly acceptable.” Shouto cuts you off before you can continue. “I wasn’t trying to insinuate a contract of that nature. I’m thinking more along the lines of accompanying me at meals, sharing experiences with me, providing company and friendship to a lonely man. If it seems that we’d like to progress further than that after we get to know each other, well, that will be addressed then. For now-” Shouto meets your eye, dipping his head a smidgeon so he can look at you directly. “All I ask for is a simple, non-intimate bond between two people.”

This is crazy.

And yet you accept.

The situation may be wild, and completely absurd, but you’d be a fool not to say yes.

Shouto is charming and handsome, respectful, courteous - you could go on and on about his positive qualities. He just seems like a sad, lonesome man swallowed by work and responsibilities, too stressed and busy to put the effort into making friends the conventional way. 

-----

Months pass by.

You’re eating at every meal, sated and never going hungry. You’re able to move into a new place, one that doesn’t smell like cigarettes and sits right next to a railroad.

Clothes aren’t a worry anymore, you have your own washer and dryer in your new apartment (Shouto offered to buy you a house, or a penthouse at the least, but you couldn’t justify it to yourself). You’re able to afford new things, and pretty dresses, shoes that are comfortable and fashionable and that fit.

You no longer have to wear clothes down until they have holes in them. You’re able to go to the doctor’s when you feel sick, able to pay for health insurance.

Life is good.

Shouto is a personable man, serious, but he can be rather funny and even crude at times.

The doubt and thoughts of “Why is he doing this for me?” and “I’m not good enough for this.” plague you, but Shouto always seems to catch on, reassuring you that you’re exactly what he needs - a friend.

And you’re more than happy to be that.

You think sometimes, that even if he wasn’t paying you, you’d still like to be friends with Shouto Todoroki.

Until he starts acting weird.

“You should just stay at my place. I have more than enough room,, it’d be easier for both our schedules. We’d get to see each other more often.”

“Uhm...” You don’t really know what to say. You like your freedom, and having your own place where you can walk around in your (expensive) underwear without being bothered.

“I think it’d be nice, don’t you? We could have breakfast every morning, you wouldn’t have to worry about traveling to and fro, we could spend more time together. We don’t see each other nearly enough.”

He’s pushing, insistent. How are you supposed to tell him no? He’s paying for your entire life. Plus, it wouldn’t be that bad to actually live with him. Shouto’s an amicable man.

So you move in.

“I bought you a few things, they’re on your bed.” 

Shouto’s striding into the kitchen where you’re making coffee, buttoning up his shirt as he comes closer. You’ve found that the man likes to sleep in nothing but boxers, shrieking and flushing an embarrassing shade the first time he’d come to wake you up with a sweet “welcome” breakfast in bed.

It’s taken a while to adjust, but you finally feel that you’re fully settled in.

“Oh, you really don’t ha-”

“I wanted to. I went through your closet - your clothes are nice, but your underwear seemed to be lacking.” He’s so matter-of-fact.

All you can do is stare at the back of his head.

“Could you pass me a spoon please?”

-----

Shouto had splurged on expensive, fancy lingerie. 

At least eight different sets were laid out on your bed. It was overwhelming. It also felt.... a bit intrusive? They were all in your size, in a complementary color for your skin tone. 

Weird.

Not as weird as the onset of Shouto’s casual touches.

You’d be reading, or drinking tea and watching cars race by on the street so far below, and Shouto would come up behind you, caress your sides before intertwining his fingers with yours on one hand. He did it as if it was a normal thing, but it felt anything but normal.

Or you’d be on the couch together, and Shouto would shuffle closer until his large body was pressed to yours, almost curled around you. The faux-cuddling was a bit more off putting. How do you tell him no?

The touches became more and more intimate, Shouto’s gifts more and more frequent until you weren’t even spending a penny, the man taking care of everything.

The arrangement was beginning to make you uncomfortable.

Shouto’s bi-colored eyes seemed to always be on you, tracing the shape of your body, watching you move, or breath, or sit. It was distracting, and you felt bad for feeling this way towards the man who’d pulled you out of poverty, but it was so unnerving.

He seemed to notice.

“You’ve been so stressed these past few days. Is something wrong?” Shouto’s rubbing a hand into your shoulder, hovering over you at the dinner table.

“No?” Is all you can manage, wiping your hands on your napkin as you finish your food.

Shouto frowns. With a sigh, his hand drops from your shoulder and the man leaves your side, heads toward the kitchen.

You clear your plate from the table, following after him so you can wash it and put it in the dishwasher before you head off to get ready for bed. 

But Shouto is rummaging in a cupboard, pulling down two wine glasses to accompany the bottle of wine that’s standing proud on the island.  It’s your favorite, a sweet wine that Shouto knows you like, always brings it out when he decides to drink whisky or bourbon after dinner.

He pops the cork and pours you a glass while you finish with your dishes, handing you the glass when you turn away from the sink, pressing it into your hands. “Let’s relax a little bit, it’ll be good for both of us.”

You’re fine with that, knowing that a little wine won’t hurt you, especially when it’s of such fine quality. You’d never dreamed that you’d be able to taste such richness in your lifetime, spend frivolous amounts of money on wine and fine eateries. Yet here you are.

Shouto pours himself a glass, barely a sip filling the bottom. The man raises it to his lips and takes a swig, grimacing a bit in his flat, unexpressive way. You giggle a little.

“Too sweet?’

The man nods, setting the glass back down. “I’m not entirely sure how you can stand to stomach it. But if it makes you happy-” He shrugs, before pulling on of the bar-stools out from under the island so he can sit facing you, long legs stretching out before him.

You look at him, and he looks at you, and then you take another sip of wine to avoid the awkwardness.

“You’re distancing yourself from me.”

The accusation is quiet, Shouto’s eyes focused on your fingers wrapped around the stem of the glass.

He’s always been straightforward with his words. “Is there a reason you keep drawing away?”

The wine disappears from your glass, sliding down your throat and settling in your stomach. You fill your glass again before speaking, struggling to find the right words without upsetting your... benefactor.

“Well, Shouto... I don’t really know how to...” You trail off, hoping Shouto will say something, change the subject, say it’s alright and move on to something else.

But the man stays silent, eyes appraising you.

Taking a deep breath, and another gulp of sweetness, you try again.

“Sometimes the closeness... like, physical closeness? Makes me, well, uncomfortable.”

Hopefully, that would satisfy his curiosity for now. That wasn’t the only reason you’d been avoiding Shouto seeming distant, but you didn’t think sharing the others would result in anything good.

Said man accepted your response, dropping his eyes to his lap as he mulled it over. More wine was consumed, glass re-filled. You felt nervous.

“You’re saying that my touch isn’t something you’d prefer.”

Biting your lip, you soften at his confused expression, at the hint of sadness swimming behind his eyes. “Kind of. I don’t mind you Shouto, you’re really kind, and you’re good company, and a wonderful friend. I just don’t think the.... the intimacy is for me.”

Shouto raises his head, stares at you with those pretty eyes, lips parted as he comes to terms with your words. 

“It sounds like you don’t trust me. I would never hurt you, you know this.”

You scramble to assure him. “I do! I do trust you, and I know you wouldn’t.” (at least you hoped) “But I guess I just... Coming into this agreement I wasn’t ready for that type of... thing. I don’t know if I ever will be.”

The man rises, shakes his head as he steps closer to you. “Don’t worry, I remember our first conversation about that aspect. I see that for you, that type of relationship would only begin after you really cared for the other person, trusted and wanted to see them happy, am I correct?”

“Oh, Shouto-” You rush. “No, I care for you, and I trust you, and of course I want to see you happy. I think it’s just, y’know, my last relationship like that went really bad, and it sucked. I don’t want to go through that again.”

Shouto nods, understanding. “I see. You don’t have to worry about any of that with me then.”

A smile crosses your face, and you feel relived that he accepted your rejection with grace and understanding instead of violence or anger. “Thank you, it means a lot to me.”

The mood of the room shifted, from tense and uncomfortable, to easy and light, and you poured another glass of wine, laughing a little at how worried you were about the conversation with Shouto, only for it all to turn out fine.

“I’m going to go drink some of the liquor that’s kept in my room. I could mix a few drinks for you to try, you might like how sweet they are. I know hard alcohol isn’t quite your thing.”

You beam a smile, nodding your head eagerly. Before, you’d feel apprehensive about going into his room with him to drink alcohol. But with the conversation the two of you just had, you knew - things would be fine.

-----

The room was spinning and you felt giddy and light. You were definitely tipsy.

“You can lay down on my bed, you’re getting wobbly on your feet.” Shouto had offered, and you’d gladly accepted, flopping down onto his comfy bedspread with a laugh at how the motion made butterflies rise in your tummy.

Shouto leaned against his dresser, swirling whiskey in his glass as he watched you, a half-smile across his face. You smiled back, before closing your eyes, a little bit tired as you realized that you might be a bit more than just tipsy.

Shouto had mixed quite a few drinks for you, and you’d drank each one eagerly, impressed with how little alcohol you could taste in each one. You don’t remember how many you had, but it didn’t really matter.

The next thing you know, hands are on your waist, scooting you further up the bed so your legs no longer hang off the edge. Cracking open an eye, you’re met with the visage of red-and-white, eyes soft and warm as they regard you, Shouto’s face tinged a bit pink from the few drinks he had consumed. The man had never been too good at holding his alcohol.

When those hands started to slip beneath your shirt, you wiggled like a little worm, not really comprehending the situation. Maybe it was a dream.

Your shirt was discarded, then your pants. It felt much more comfortable now, and you mumbled a “thanks” to the man helping you settle for bed. He was so nice, Shouto took such good care of you. You still kind of couldn’t believe the turn your life had taken with him, the good luck pushed into your path.

Someone was kissing you.

With a grunt of surprise, you kissed them back, meeting their feverish pace and trying to keep up, soft lips puckering and pushing against your own with intent. Kissing felt good. You liked kissing.

Then a hand was cupping your face, stroking tenderly over your cheek before it began sliding down, down your neck, into the valley between your breasts, trailing over your bra. It felt funny.

Pushing back for air, you gasped when the hand on your chest started squeezing at you, eyes flying open with the startling, sudden sensation.

Shouto was hovering over you, lips puffy, panting as he stared at you with lusty eyes, an uncharacteristic look on his face. This... this wasn’t supposed to be like this. You knew. Hadn’t the two of you just talked about something... important? Was it important?

You didn’t feel panic until a hand cupped your sex, feeling your skin through your panties.

This wasn’t right.

Alarm bells were ringing, dull and far away, but you didn’t think that Shouto should be touching you in such a way. you should be going to bed.

“Mm, Sho, can you stop?” But your words felt funny on your tongue, and Shouto didn’t stop. Maybe he didn’t hear you.

His hair tickled your chin as the man bent to mouth at your tits, pulling the cups of your bra underneath them so he could feel your hot skin, let his saliva drag slick and wet against your chest. 

Your hands instinctively rooted themselves in his hair as you gasped again, not expecting such a move, tugging lightly at his head to pull him up. Shouto just groaned, teething gently at your breasts and not moving an inch. His hips were grinding against the bed though, as he stood between your spread legs.

Before you knew it, your panties were gone, bra clumsily unclasped and discarded, and you were completely bare. Shouto was undressing before you, struggling with the buttons on his shirt before giving up, easily ripping the fabric of his body with one tug, grumbling.

You didn’t feel so tipsy anymore.

“Shouto, what’re we doing? We shouldn’t be doing this, we need to stop-”

“Stay down.” Was his firm command, a hand splayed across your naked chest and pushing you back into the mattress as you tried to sit up. It made you breathless, the growl in his voice, the dominance emanating from the man. You stayed still.

“This’s gonna make us a stronger couple.” The man slurred, eyes dark and hands wandering, effortlessly keeping you pinned against the bed as he ground his hips forward against the edge. You were getting scared.

“Wait-”

You fell silent as one hand pushed down his pants, his underwear going with them, pink cock bobbing free. He was so pretty down there, and it made sense, all of him was pretty, but you suddenly realized the weight of the situation, what was happening.

“Shouto, no, oh my god. We gotta stop right now, we’re drunk, we’re-we’re-”

“Don’t care. Not gonna let you hide away from me this time.” Shouto shook his head, taking his cock in one hand and giving it a long, slow pump, flushed tip weeping precum and wetting his hand.

“No, no, this is wrong. I don’t want this, I could get pregnant!” You cried, beginning to panic for real, pushing against the one strong hand anchoring you to the bed.

Shouto just chuckled, letting go of his cock to crowd against you, getting up in your face to press a wet finger to your lips, the salty taste of his precum threatening to slip into your mouth unless you kept it shut. “Shhh, shh. If you stay nice and still, if you do what I say, I’ll use a condom.”

You couldn’t believe your ears.

“You’re gonna listen to me, you always do.” The man nodded to himself, once again dragging his cock against the bed between your legs, as if he couldn’t stop himself. “Or else I’ll fuck you raw.” The finger was pulled from your lips, only to be wagged teasingly in your face. 

You couldn’t believe how he was acting.

“Be nice.”

Shouto tapped your nose with a neatly manicured finger, before groaning as he heaved himself upright, red cock bobbing against his stomach, desperate for attention. The man gave you a look, as if to say “don’t move” before he took his hands off you, heading for his dresser.

Once you saw him pulling out a strip of condoms, you were on your feet, stumbling toward the door.

Although panic had sobered you somewhat, you were still struggling with the effects of the alcohol, so your reaction time was maddeningly slow. Slow enough that you weren’t able to truly fight against Shouto when he grabbed you from behind toned arms wrapping around your middle and heaving you into the air, only to throw you back on his bed.

You were almost sick on the bedspread, world spinning and stomach protesting, but you were able to calm yourself.

But then Shouto was on you, flipping you onto your back, a soft hand pressing against your throat threateningly. 

“You want to have a baby? Want me to cum in you so you’ll get all fat with kids? Hm?” He was so intense, almost choking you, straddling your waist and keeping you pinned. It was too much

You were able to manage a tearful, desperate “No!” despite the hand around your throat, and Shouto backed off, releasing the pressure to instead stroke his hand against the sides of your neck.

“Stop acting like this, it’s the next logical step for us. You said you cared for me, wanna make me happy. This’ll make me happy. I won’t be like the last guy.”

His cock was pressed against your stomach, and you could feel it twitching. Shouto clambered off of you, letting go of your neck so he could grab the condoms he’d tossed on the bed before snatching you up.

“Do what I say and I use these.” He waved them in your face before tearing one off, beginning to open it. 

You stayed still, gazing at him blearily, limbs feeling fuzzy, mind feeling the same.

The condom was rolled onto Shouto’s cock, the man spitting into his palm and giving the latex a few rubs to make it slick before reaching for you.

He dragged you to the edge of the bed - the perfect height for him to fuck you - and you didn’t fight, terrified of his threat. You couldn’t stand the thought of a baby.

(You didn’t know, but neither could he)

“Wanted to do this since I met you.” Shouto mumbled, pushing your panties to the side with a few fingers so he could guide his tip to your hole. “Want you so bad.”

You didn’t know what to think of this side of Shouto. This unreserved, uncareful, slurring mess of a man that loomed before you, gaze dark and wild, limbs everywhere as he groped and squeezed and appreciate the shape of your body.

But he must’ve gotten impatient, because then he was pushing inside.

It hurt, stinging pain rippling up your back and you keened, causing Shouto to pause. One of his hands darted down to wrap around your calf, hauling it up on the bed so he could lean forward and press it to you chest, sinking his cock a few inches deeper.

“You’re gonna take it.” He hissed before messily kissing you, pressed so close together that it was hard to breathe. “I’ll make it feel good after you do.”

[marengogo]

Rambling in INFJese - Part 4: The Loud Art of Silence

Melancholy - by Jo Seong Been  [SEMANTIC ERROR (ORIGINAL TELEVISION SOUNDTRACK)]

[Music is a very big part of my life and I’m MOSTLY INCAPABLE of writing without music, so I just thought I'd share what I am listening to while writing this]

🐺 — 🐺 — 🐺— 

Finally uh?! This comes very late. My bad. Now, I know I’ve posted 3 already BUT let me quickly explain what kind of series is Rambling in INFJese. This will be a series of posts where I expose my own thoughts/feelings, ideas and speculations with regards to various topics, mainly Jikook related, and would like to hear your thoughts in regards as well, afterall, deep conversations with open-minded people are the best, so let’s start, shall we?

Category is: Silence.

“Silence implies consent”, “Silence is golden”, “Silence is the most powerful scream”, and so on and so forth. Like everything in life, it has its positive and negative sides/shades, but regardless of its connotation, there’s one fact which can hardly be argued with; Silence is hella loud. It’s a language of its own, it's a way to convey messages which are usually either very contrived or surprisingly very simple. 

From this point on, it is all JKK_OBSERVATION_6.mg (which is what I call my opinions and speculations) so, as always, tread lightly

I’d like to say lately, but this has actually been happening for a while now, it feels like JM and JK have been perfecting the very aesthetically pleasing Art of Silence. And I am not talking about the type of silence which always triggers insecure jikookers, the subgroup and others. No. This is a silence that is synonymous with change, growth, and progression. There seems to be a calm between the two of them, a grown understanding, which is so refreshing to see and in my opinion a testament of how far their relationship and bond has come and matured. 

I’ve to noticed this more and more in JM, as JK was never the most talkative to begin with (if anything, with time, he’s been working on developing his conversational skill, but that is still very much tied in with his Silence, which bear with me, I’ll explain). There is a saying I really like and think really suits this post, which is “Once you’ve matured, your silence is more powerful than proving a point”. 

There has been a very natural evolution. With the passing of time, anything will undergo change, everything usually does, and in a relationship, you either make it or break it. They seem to have made it and mind you, it wasn’t without trials and tribulations! They gave their relationships and each other a chance and through ups and downs they seem to have finally found that balance, which I feel has become even more defined as of lately for sure.

To help explain what I mean, let’s go back a little bit. Let's go back to the time when they might have understood and accepted that they see each other in a romantic way, which by the way, isn’t immediately consequential to them getting together, I do believe they probably got together at least 2 years after this realisation. Anyways, back at that moment, JK and JM were quite instinctively vocal, meaning, it wasn’t their intention to be as loud as they were all the time, but more than not, in their younger times, impulse took place before thought when it came to things regarding each other and just the two of them really. If they had an opinion it needed to be expressed (Jimin mostly) if there was something they wanted to do it needed to be done (Jungkook mostly).

JM: Testing Waters - I’m of the opinion that at the very beginning Jimin really saw JK just as the cute maknae of the group, whenever for example, he’d say things like “Jk and I are a couple” I really do believe he was kidding, for real, or rather at that very point in time, his brain interpreted his own feelings in that way. So, I do believe that the first person to actively make a move was JK, as I also do think that JK was the type of person who didn’t waste time and rarely second guessed himself. Kinda like the “Rather ask for forgiveness than ask for permission” type of guy.

Late 2015 would have been rather hard for Jimin to not feel the sort of “attention” that JK was applying on their bond, the kind of “notice me hyung” but not really, more like a “I know you’ve noticed me hyung, so? …” but Jm felt to me like he was sceptical of where they could have gone with this situation. So so so sceptical. He definitely did get a hunch, he wasn’t sure about it but in the end, he decided he wasn’t going to let it go to waste, even though he was kinda caught off guard, he was willing to give it (whatever it was) a chance, but at the same time he was not going to be the one caught slipping. What also needs to be taken into consideration is that differently from JK, JM was at the same time in the process of “discovering himself” or rather, letting his real self be. Our boy had  A LOT going on. Yet, he still began to test the waters, realising that his were also romantic feelings after all. And one of the things he’d keep doing was for example, loudly and clearly, as if to make a point, hurl out facts about JK, whenever he could, very randomly, as if to say “Yes, I’ve noticed you, so now what?”. And well up to 2018 / beginning 2019 he’s kept the pattern of making sure that people knew just how much he knows about JK.

Jk “Man on a mission” - As I said, I do believe he was the first one to make the move, and oh was he loud and confused about it! Probably without evening realising it, he knew so much about JM already and got on a course to make sure he knew everything about JM. So much so that most likely, before he could even notice, he was going to be the quickest to answer facts about JM, the first to know things about him, the one who would make him laugh, the one who would give him comfort, etc. He was going to be a young man, because he really didn’t want to be a dongsaeng, that JM would rely on. Now the confusion came probably based on the feedback he’d get from JM, who was still very much wanting him to be the cute dongsaeng, but JK was not really having it. FOR REAL. And this dynamic went on for a very long while, in lesser degrees, as I do think that JM had accepted JK’s will more and more, however, JM never really let go completely until sometimes in 2019/2020.

2022: Something I sensed - Now this is all in my humble opinion. I do feel like there has been another shift in their dynamic, which happened at the end of 2021, a very firm and adult, kinda shift. The way I see it, as they have probably figured out the type of person they want to be, and while they are embarking on the path of becoming the artists they want to be in this second chapter, they've also reached a point of stability in their relationship. So much so that the way they deal with each other has also changed in order to accommodate the people they’ve become. For example, they’ve switched being vocal with some good old silence. For example, no longer having the need to talk about each other, particularly when the other is not present.

In the first picture Namjoon says that JK is taking dance lessons, a younger JM might have been eager to let people know that he knew, yet JM doesn’t say anything, nor does he act surprised, he simply goes ahead and says what he has been up to. In the second picture JK starts the friendship tattoo discussion and when it gets to Jimin he brings it up just to say he doesn’t know where it is, but he knows he has one. This is one example of the late 2021/ 2022 jikook dynamic I’ve observed. They really do not talk about each other if not in the presence of each other. It’s as if they are finally keeping their private life; private. Also this is the level of security we all aspire in a relationship at some point. At the beginning one is so eager to show each other to the world, eventually as you mature, comes the strengthening of trust, comes the respecting of boundaries, comes the need to protect each other etc. 

Another thing I’ve noticed is how, when they are in a group, they kinda facilitate each other to talk. What’s weird about that? Isn’t that normal? You’d ask. Aside for Namjoon and Yoongi, who really can’t help talking over each other or anyone else (kinda cute 😂😂), other members as well kinda have a habit of talking over each other, and JK is usually the person that gets to say nothing, as he is not an aggressive talker. 

Sometime, late 2021, JM has taken this stance where, when JK is talking, he’ll keep silent. As if wanting to give him full attention or allow him the time to express himself. It’s cute cause he’ll just look down, or away and stay silent. Even during games, where he’d have to participate and share knowledge about jk, he just … stays silent. JK also does the same, our resident Jiminipedia has slowly begun to keep quiet, slowly because sometimes he can’t help himself and still blurs out facts, but for the most part he will keep silent. For example:

The following question he then decides to participate in, and where everyone keeps their answers general, JK is very detailed with his answer. He knows it is about JM’s face and JM is also giving hints, but JK doesn’t pick up on it at all, in his brain probably having too much info to have to sieve through. This perhaps also being a reason why I feel like lately they’ve been opting for silence. When you know each other a bit too well, it is really hard to give generic answers.

In the first picture the question is about JM and where everyone is trying their best to guess, JK stays quiet and observes for the most part, though he joins at the end when they all describe how JM flexes his muscles JK intervened with “This morning he was flexing his arm”, which is hella precise for someone who stayed quiet during the whole question. 

Same went for JM in the Do You Know Me Game. Everyone seemed very intent and excited to answer Jungkook’s questions, but JM seemed like he was just silently going with the flow as he stared at his card. Yet, they began to precisely reminisce about seeing a double shooting start or during jm’s vlive Jk would randomly know the type of mushroom Jin gave JM for his birthday. All this random private information, which they give us and which still confirms that: BETWEEN THEM NOTHING HAS CHANGED. 

I like to see this for them, I like to feel this sense of security, of domesticity, of complicity if you may as they are both going about life with so much calm and newfound eagerness as well. They are still the people they fell in love with, but at the same time they’ve also taken those people to higher grounds, allowing their individual selves space to explore and grow, while at the same time making their life together as that safety Zone, which Jay has been speaking of. Where is that Safety Zone? I have no clue and it is also none of my business, but from the vibes I’m getting off them, they know very well.

Respectfully super happy for them,

Marengo.

[multiples-fandomswontkillme]

~Metal Family headcanons~

These are like my... general hcs)? which means I didn't include my main hc that Glam, Ches and Vicky are polyamorous, married and started dating after Glam met Vicky, and absolutely everything that implies for the kids and the relationships between each member of the fam. Maybe I'll make a separate post for that or maybe not! Who knows lkfwnlfqnf

Glam

Bisexual

Glam has constant nightmares and ocasional night terrors ever since he ran away home and is an active sleep walker. Ches helped him through the worse ones when they were younger, and learned how to deal with them, always preferring not to wake him up but being with him until the episode passed. Vicky has learned how to deal with them, though she normally asks Ches for advice with it cuz she comes out short sometimes.

He has PTSD. I bet it's diagnosed too, he takes medication and goes to therapy, it doesn't mean he still doesn't have his bad days anyway. He's trying to get better.

Glam has talked to Vicky about his past, his father and his family. This is a direct contradiction of Alina's confirmation that Glam doesn't talk about it with anyone but man FUCK THAT. We love good communication in this house, Vicky tries her best to help him, but there's only so much she can do to help.

Glam enjoys gardening, cooking and making models, he also likes doing his make up, painting his nails and dressing up in fancy, extravagant clothes even if he has nowhere important to go.

He likes taking care of everyone's hair, and constantly helps Vicky brush her hair cuz there's so much of it, Dee when he gets stressed over how tangled it can get, buys Ches hair products so he actually takes care of it, and chases Heavy so the kid actually washes, untangles and brushes his hair.

This one is kind of weird, but I refuse to think any adult in the family is unarmed at any time. Glam owns a taser and pepper spray. They're bright pink and sparkly.

This man cried his eyes out while watching Coco. He's hell to watch movies with cuz he talks and predicts what's gonna happen during the movie, judges them with scores at the end and all.

Vicky

Also bisexual!

Vicky's the one who does everyone's laundry most of the time. She prefers it that way since she's the only one that knows how to wash their black clothes so the colors stay vibrant. (This is based on my gf shaming everyone but Vicky cuz their black clothes always look so muted and almost gray, but Vicky's whole outfit is always the same vibrant black colors, so we decided that neither Glam or the kids know how to wash dark clothes)

She has anger issues, if it isn't obvious. I think she also has PTSD, mainly survivor's guilt due to her surviving the accident her brother died in. She blames herself and cannot bear to talk about it, in some sort of deep denial. If she can't remember, it can't hurt as much, right?

She has scars on the right side of her back and her hip, from the road rash she got on her brother's accident, she never treated it due to grief and it scarred badly. Apart from that, the scar of the caesarean section from Heavy's birth. She doesn't really mind both of them, they happened, nothing to do about them.

She likes watching boxing competitions, brawling matches and motorcycle repairing on TV. Loves doing BBQ's and going to the pool. Also an enjoyer of teasing her kids, kissing and loving her husband at random times, spending time drinking and bonding with Ches and bragging about her family and punching anyone who thinks they're not that cool.

Not particularly a fan of make up, skirts and dresses or any traditionally femenine-perceived stuff. But has been making exceptions due to Glam and Ches being unashamed of being seen as femenine, and actually rocking the looks. The internalized misogyny is kind of slowly dissapearing.

Apart from the guns she carries in each arm (I mean her biceps, have you looked at the size of those?? She strong) she has brass knuckles on her at all times. Glam gifts her new ones sometimes, she loves having multiple choices to punch people teeth in.

Loves horror, thrillers and action movies. Falls asleep during rom-coms and dramas. Ironically, loves gossip and talking shit about people. Enjoys hearing Ches talks about the gossip going on in the nursery home even if she doesn't know who the hell he's talking about.

Rest of the family under the cut!

Heavy

Heavy is a trans boy! He doesn't know his sexuality yet though, he's still figuring himself out. When he's older, i think he definitely dated some men but had better luck with girls.

Heavy has had innocent crushes on some girls on his class before, but they never turn into anything more cuz he's not the best at expressing himself. He follows the bother-the-girl-to-death-until-she-hates-you gimmick, and unsurprisingly, it doesn't work.

I'm sorry to break this to u but Heavy totally had an among us phase, and uses so much reddit and twitch slang... You know he does.

Likes bullying and teasing his brother to death. You know that when Dee had his first romance, Heavy was ALL up in his business being a tease and a bad attempt at a wingman. He means well tho.

He's not squeamish at all. Also has great pain resistance. This kid has picked cockroaches with his bare hands and loves cats, of course the cats have scratched him. He's tough!

Grows up to be the charming himbo he was always destined to be.

Dee

I hc him as demisexual. Kind of inherited his dad's tastes for the takes no crap, intimidating but pretty kind of people.

Can't cook. He tries but he can only do basics like rice, cereal, chicken nuggets or eggs. Complicated meals always burn or don't taste like anything at all. It drives him crazy.

Dee was a quiet and very well behaved toddler before Heavy was born. He never threw tantrums or got whims. After Heavy was born though, and despite the fact he understood his brother was small and needed special care, he started craving attention often and cried and got mad at little things. Typical jealousy of the oldest sibling.

The first time Dee fell in love with someone, he didn't recognize it was love at first. He just thought his interest on the person was born out of curiosity and aesthetic attraction, but as soon as he realized he seeked validation and companionship, that he liked seeing them smile, that he wanted to protect them, that he yearned for more time alone with them and that he wanted more than what just a simple friendship implied, it was an instant 'oh hell no'. He wanted those feelings to get the hell away, but unfortunately, they were there to stay.

Canonically likes MLP, psychological and horror anime like Death note and Hellsing, so I'm deciding he also watched Death Parade, had a FNAF phase, is very into The Walten Files. This guy enjoys any kind of specially dark ARG's and knows a ton of lore of real crime, unsolved cases, ghost appearances and other stuff. Doesn't believe in the supernatural, but sure is entertained by it.

He's a mess at romance. Flirting? His attempts at compliments are hardly flattering. Giving gifts? The best he can manage is jewelry and you can kind of tell he asked his dad for help. Dates? He's so nervous he's silent for most of it, but begins getting comfortable and having fun if his partner really knows how to get him down from his negativity cloud.

Ches

Pansexual.

He's very good with kids. He has the patience of a saint and he's laid-back, chill and fun but still is an authority figure who knows how to put limits. Sure, he's gonna let the kids light up a house on fire BUT hey, now they know everything about fire precautions, burns and how to treat them AND how to get away with arson. What an educational evening, am I right?

Due to certain info from the "Goodbye" official comic, I headcanon Ches as depressed. I don't want to elaborate a lot 'cuz of spoilers, but... God, everything related to his mom fucking hurts, man. How did he deal with all that?

Ches has been Dee and Heavy's babysitter so many times he cannot count them with all his fingers. He learned how to put those kids to sleep almost immediately (Sing Bon Jovi's "This ain't a love song" and any cheesy love song in a slow lullaby style and they're out), which movie were their favorite as kids (Heavy loved 'Monsters Inc.' and Dee never looked away during 'Meet the Robinsons'), how to console them after nightmares (Heavy needed reassurance, sweet words, and to be with someone until he fell asleep again. Dee just had to be tucked in, get his nightlight turned on and kissed in the forehead). He practically raised those kids along with Vicky and Glam.

More than once, Dee and Heavy have slipped and called Ches "Dad". Ches immediately gets his shit eating grin on and answers "Yes, son?" and does a couple of dad jokes just to mess and embarrass them. He's actually very flattered and surprised at how proud of himself he is for being a father figure to both kids.

Has a scar on the left side of his forehead due to a bottle his mom threw at him when he was younger, around the time he met Glam. He hates the scar with passion, it's a permanent reminder of the fact she never cared, that's why he always keeps it covered with his headband. Gets sad about it sometimes.

Ches likes to spend his time with a group of grannies of the nearby nursing home. He genuinely considers them his friends and gossips and hangs out with all of them on weekends. Bingo, billiards, walks in the park, soap opera marathons, you name it. I even designed them, gave them names and backstories... God, i just love the concept too much. I'll make some art about Ches and his granny gang FOR SURE, you're NOT ready for them.

Carries a pocket knife on him at all times. This man grew up on a bad neighborhood and absolutely knows how to defend himself, he can be intimidating when he wants to be and will pose a threat if needed. He's fucking terrifying when genuinely mad. Just cause he looks harmless doesn't mean he is, darling.

That would be all!