#but I do not want to have to address this grief bc it’s so so hard !

[howlonghaveyoubeenseventeen]

.

[mekatrio]

seto................

[angelsdean]

Also, since I'm divorce arc posting today, what if i said Dean wasn't wrong to say this:

CASTIEL The plan changed, Dean. Something went wrong. You know this. Something always goes wrong. DEAN Yeah, why does that something always seem to be you?

LIKE !!!!! Sure it was harsh and if emotions weren't heightened already and Dean wasn't still dealing with the very recent death of his mother and that grief (anger being a stage of grief!) and ALL the Chuck shit on top of that AND his own complicated feelings re: Jack's death (bc Dean was Not going to kill him, despite Chuck trying to manipulate him into doing that) he probably wouldn't have said that to Cas but like?? he's not really wrong.

You can easily trace a lot of the major season conflicts as a long line of dominoes starting with Cas's s6 betrayal. Leviathans. Purgatory. The tablets. Angels falling. Lucifer getting out of the cage via Cas possession. Etc etc. And most of the time Cas was doing things from a place of good intentions in his POV. Trying to fix things or spare others the burden of doing the hard thing. But still, these plans often backfire for Cas. Going it alone, not letting Dean (+ Sam) in on his plans, it usually does not end well !!!! They are TEAM Free Will for a reason. The show (and Dean) continuously emphasizes the importance of team and family and not going it alone. So, while what Dean says to Cas in this scene is definitely a harsh pill to swallow and not something I think Dean would say to Cas in normal circumstances, he technically isn't wrong. And that's what makes it such a heart-breaking scene.

And even more-so, he's saying this but he still, at his core doesn't want Cas to leave. ("Of course I wanted you to stay.") At the moment he needs space and time to process his grief re: Mary, and all the other stuff going on, but he still wants Cas there and ultimately wants to fix things. ("I'd rather have you." "We can fix this." "I was there where were you." etc etc)

But to fix things they need to address his huge persistent, recurring issue between them: not communicating effectively and Cas continuously leaving, going rogue, and/or deciding for them when to involve Dean.

Dean wants to work together, as a team. Dean wants to be involved. Dean wants Cas to not just up and disappear and "deal with things" on his own like he always does. Cas, in his own POV, sees his actions as perhaps a form of care. He's protecting! He's taking on the hardships! Also, his hubris, wanting to be the strong protector type. Wanting to be a warrior. Powerful. Securing "wins." And these desires stem from his years as a soldier of Heaven, of equating worth with Results. Not something Dean has put on him or required of him.

But Dean doesn't see Cas's actions the way Cas perceives them. We as the omniscient audience know more about Cas's motivations than Dean does too. Dean often just sees Cas leaving, prioritizing the mission and shutting Dean out. However, I do think it's important to note that Dean is also usually willing to give Cas the benefit of the doubt, defend him, and forgives easily / implicitly.

They both care deeply about each other and don't maliciously mean to press on each other's specific insecurities and traumas but like, Dean is abandonment issues boy. And Cas keeps leaving. Or ignoring his calls when their daily lives are a constant life or death battle because they are literally living in a horror show! Dean is not unreasonable to be worried when he doesn't hear from Cas for days, weeks, months on end. He's not being "clingy" or "demanding." Expecting some base form of communication from the people you care about is normal in any relationship. Cas refusing to communicate in these moments IS a problem between them.

So, when Dean says, "Yeah, why does that something always seem to be you?" re: Cas being the "problem" it's harsh yes! But it's pushing them toward addressing this recurring issue (Cas going rogue often = plans backfiring) and the root of that issue which is Cas continuing to leave to do things on his own, change the game-plan without running it by anyone, and keeping others out. This moment is a breaking point. Because Dean, under normal circumstances, is generally one to defend, forgive, and move past Cas's mistakes. Cas himself says it in this very scene: "You used to trust me, give me the benefit of the doubt."

But at this point something needs to give, they need an explosive moment to just bring all these issues to light. It's a rupture.

Yes, Dean might "still blame [Cas] for Mary" but Cas also knows deeply, as he expresses to Jack, that Dean needs time and space to process his emotions. That he feels things more acutely and intensely but that ultimately he usually comes to a place of acceptance / forgiveness / is able to move on.

That's what Dean wants and needs in this moment. He needs space to deal with his feelings and his grief (clearly in the anger stage of it). And he also wants to finally address these issues! But Cas is also struggling himself and in his own mind he's feeding old insecurities. He let Belphegor get under his skin. He thinks he's not needed or wanted anymore. So, he does what he tends to do. Leave.

CASTIEL Well, I don't think there's anything left to say. [Castiel makes to leave.] DEAN Where you going?

Cas decides to leave and Dean immediately asks where are you going? Because even now, feeling how he does, he doesn't want Cas to leave.

What Dean wants is to have a confrontation. He wants to get to the root of their issues. He asks Cas why didn't he just stick to the plan. And emphasizes the concept of WE, of being a team. "We would've figured it out....after. With Rowena." He wants them to stick together, work together. But he's struggling. He's grieving. And still, he wants Cas to stay, of course I wanted you to stay.

And I say it all here in this post but the whole "I left but you didn't stop me" is just, Cas really? From Dean's POV he sees Cas's leaving as a choice Cas makes. He respects his choice and doesn't ask him to stay because he also does not feel he deserves to ask people to stay for him. He is always putting his own wants and desires second to those of others. He thinks, if Cas wants to leave, who is he to stop him?

Anyways, I think too much of divorce arc puts blame on Dean or makes Dean out to be "the bad guy" and "the reason" Cas leaves and the one who needs to "grovel" and apologize / be forgiven. But Cas is not blameless. Cas leaves because Cas leaves. Cas leaves because he chooses to and because he does not want to confront the realities of the situation or his own role in their issues. And after Cas leaves he continues to bury his head in the sand and be avoidant (thee core issue!) while also going out and working a solo case in an effort to secure a "win" and prove to himself that he's still capable of getting things right and not always failing.

And all of this, the complexity, the layers, Cas's stubbornness and flaws, is deeply delicious to me. Cas is not a blameless innocent little baby who got his feelings hurt by "big meanie Dean" in this situation. He is someone who heard a hard truth from someone he cares about and made the choice to leave instead of confronting the issue. And throughout it all, they both still deeply care about each other. It's evident in everything they do. And they want to work it out, but are both at different places and struggling with their own feelings too.

[autisticlancemcclain]

fic rec friday 38

hello and welcome to fic rec friday! where, on friday, i rec five of my favourite fics.

only the dead have seen the end of war by @kartoffxl [MCD]

Lance must have seen something in Keith’s face, because his expression crumpled in anguish. “You… You love me back.” He put his head in his hands. “Oh my god. You loved me. You love me. This—This is so fucked up.” “Lance, I—” “Tell me I’m wrong.” There were tears in his eyes. “Tell me we didn’t just waste all those years being cowards.” Keith clenched his fists at his sides, still reeling from the whiplash of what he had just heard earlier. This can’t be happening. “Say it!” Lance pressed. “Say you don’t love me.” Please, his eyes begged. Keith and Lance finally figure out that they’re absolutely, undeniably, embarrassingly in love with each other, just not exactly in the best of circumstances.

okay so. this is. technically. one of the meaner fics im reccing. HOWEVER. it is gaspingly unbelievably beautifully and painfully written. even the summary kills me -- say you dont love me. im begging you. im begging you to lie to me right now. as we lay dying im begging you to have mercy on me and let me believe i didnt have a chance for beauty with you. im begging you to let me die with one regret instead of millions. please. please dont let me die being loved by you. LIKE WHAT

2. Toast to Freedom by @icypantherwrites

Keith is used to more than his fair share of dark looks. What he’s not used to is seeing those looks directed at Lance for no reason that he can determine and it’s making something uneasy settle in his stomach and the heavy press of the mantle of leader weigh even heavier as he should be doing something about it but he doesn’t know what. But causing a scene will upset the alliance they need and so Keith chooses to wait it out, to address it after the feast. He should never have waited.

will never ever in my life get over to 'i drank your poison because no suffering would be worse than watching it on you' not ever. it is always so so everything. and NO ONE does it like icy panther

3. Disjointed Soul by @icypantherwrites

Lance falls victim to a Soul Leecher, a dark spirit that is drawn to disjointed souls to steal them for itself. The Paladins must go into Lance's very soul to save him, uncovering truths about themselves and Lance in the process. Time is of the essence before Lance is lost forever. Good thing they have such helpful, adorable soul guides.

"Hi there baby Lance," Hunk greeted. "Ohwah," Lance burbled back. "¡Ohwah!" "Ohwah?" Pidge repeated. "I think he's saying "hola,'" Hunk grinned. "You know, "hello" in Spanish. Hola, baby Lance." "¡Ohwah! ¡Ohwah!"

this is one of THEEEE original insecure lance fics fr like it was the BLUEPRINT. 2018 there wasnt a langst loving soul who hadnt read this at least twice. its not too long for my dears w shoddy attention spans but its long enough to have quite a bit of substance!! team as family with communication and lance at the centre of it. what more do u want

4. Sleep Well, My Son by @icypantherwrites

A tiny accident becomes literal when Lance is turned into a child with no recollection from his older self. Coran has hopes the effects will be relatively short-term, but in the meantime he has a scared child that needs both reassurance and care. And while Coran might not have had the chance to be a father… he feels like one now.

look i love a good de aged lance fic and obviously when i was making these bookmarks i was scrolling my way thru the tag. and this one is especially amazing bc it is coran centred! this is a coran fic! this is a fic about quiet grief in the life you never got to live and acceptance for the life you have now and love for the people life has brought you!! it is about coran finding family through people who so desperately need it!! it is everything!!

5. Amigos by @icypantherwrites

A dangerous mission becomes even moreso when Lance is turned into a child with no recollection of his older self in the middle of it. Keith has never been good with kids and that certainly isn’t going to change now. Somehow though he’s got to convince Lance — who doesn’t speak a word of English and is staring at Keith with too wide, too scared of eyes — to come with him, get them both out of the Galran base now crawling with sentries alive, and then, assuming they get that far, figure out how to change Lance back.

shut up about the repeated author shut up about the same trope shut up about the. okay. i am a simple creature. i am annoying. i like to sit on my little armchair and open my little phone and read the same thing a million times. there is a Way to read fic and that way is to click on and scroll through a tag until you find a fic you like then scroll through that author and then go back to the tag and rinse and repeat. besides this fic is amazing okay i love klance but we rarely get platonic klance and its GOOD okay

that’s it for today!! i’ll see y’all back next friday for the next fic rec post!!!

[worldstarz]

persona 3 spoilers (part 2!)

pairing: shinjiro aragaki x fem!reader

tags: angst

a/n: continuation of this post. i will edit this as soon as i wake up in the morning but i told myself i will not go to bed until this leaves my drafts bc it’s been marinating for like five days. also what is the title of this two part thing??

HUGE SPOILER WARNING FOR OCTOBER IN PERSONA 3 !!!

———

it still smells like him.

the room is barren. shinjiro never wanted to leave his mark on the world, trying to erase his own existence. but, as you lie on the sheets that have yet to be changed, the subtle musky scent engulfs you.

“it still smells like him,” you repeat your thoughts aloud, as if by addressing it would make it permanent.

maybe this was weird. if he were here, standing before you, he would be staring down at you with a quirked brow. “what the hell are you doing?”

why did he come to your room that night? what purpose did he have, knowing his own fate?

you try not to cry. you’ve cried enough already, and the image of shinjiro in your head would certainly scold you, telling you to just get up and get some food with him.

but he’s not here.

sure, it’s not what he would’ve wanted, but you make yourself comfortable on his bed. it’s the least he could do after confessing his desire for you, knowing he would die the same day.

lying on your back, you allow your mind to wander. why does it feel like you’re the only one stuck in the past? how has everyone been able to bounce back so quickly? hell, akihiko is basically his brother and he’s already moved on. speaking of moving on, amada’s completely—

fuck, what is wrong with you?

for the past few days, you tried to block these festering thoughts. being open minded was what lead you to be so close to shinjiro. akihiko just processes his grief differently, while amada was just a kid blinded by revenge.

but still…

you sit up abruptly. he wouldn’t want this.

you swing your legs over the edge of the bed and plant your feet on the ground. he wouldn’t want this.

you stand up, smoothing over your clothes. he wouldn’t want this.

but what the hell do you even know about him? how do you know what he would want? you couldn’t even become close enough to figure out what plagued his mind during his every waking moment. maybe if you did, you would’ve been able to stop—

no. he wouldn’t want this either.

just like how he would want akihiko, amada, and everyone else to come together and move on. he would not want you beating yourself up over something you weren’t involved in.

you take a deep breath in, then out. in. out. okay. you’ve got this. this is your last day to be in his room before everything is moved out. all that will remain is the memory of him. everyone else already got a turn a few days ago, so this is your last chance to preserve whatever fragments of him are left in here.

the drawer to his desk is slightly ajar. out of respect for his privacy, you begin to shut it, but something oddly familiar peaks out.

is that…?

with wide eyes and shaky hands, you reach in.

it’s a photo of the two of you, back when shinjiro still went to school, before you had any ideas about why he came to class everyday all beat up.

you’re smiling, holding up a peace sign, while shinjiro glared at the camera. it was a picture taken to commemorate the end of junior high school—one that took a lot of convincing for him to agree to.

on the back, sprawled in your handwriting, you wrote;

“shinjiro,

i found this picture of us from the last day of junior high! it’s weird how much time has passed.

have you been eating well? how is your sleep? are you still growing out your hair? i know you’re not feeling well, but as soon as your health improves, we should hang out again.

also, i miss seeing you in class. hurry up and get better! i need someone to talk to!

-[name]

11/04/08”

it takes you a second, but you do remember writing this. judging by the date, it was roughly a month after he took his leave of absence, citing medical issues. you didn’t have much contact with him outside of school, so you relied on akihiko to transport the photo to him.

you crouch down, trying to get ahold of your emotions. you’ve done enough crying. he wouldn’t want you to waste so many tears on him.

but haven’t you been ignoring his wishes already?

you bury your face in your hands in a pathetic attempt to muffle your sobs. physically, nobody was in here. but for you, shinjiro was everywhere. in this room, in the hallways, in the lounge, on the streets, at school—he followed you everywhere. your morale bent under the weight of his memory.

only now do you realize there will come a day where you will have known the grief longer than you have known him.

but this pain is better than never knowing him in the first place.

shinjiro, who secretly cooked meals for koromaru.

shinjiro, who never let you go to bed on an empty stomach.

shinjiro, who tried to push you away, but failed.

shinjiro, who held you close hours before his death.

shinjiro, who didn’t want to leave his mark on the world, but left a mark on you.

the grief will never go away. you will carry it with you wherever you go, and the weight of it will never diminish. but, you can grow around it. you will grow around it.

because that’s what he would’ve wanted.

[ninyard]

Okay I NEED some Allison headcannons

Here’s some ideas if you need any lol:

Like how does she help Neil feel more “normal” after everything that happened? I feel like Matt, Dan, and Renee would probably walk on eggshells around him for a while, even after Nathan dies and the championship game and everything, cause now the adrenalines over and now they have to deal with the aftermath. I feel like Allison would just treat him normally. Not unkindly, but give him a sense of normalcy, yk?

favorite ice cream flavor

How does she react to Seth’s death post-aftg? How do the rest of the Foxes help her process her grief about Seth? Cause from Seth’s death to the last championship game is about 8 months, and death (especially of someone you love) doesn’t just go away like that fast ofc

Favorite brands? (She definitely owns AT LEAST once juicy couture set)

Music taste?

How do you think her relationship is with the other foxes? What are some things that she talks about and does with one person, but might not do with another?

How motherly she is with Neil. Seriously we all know she dragged this boy by the ear to the mall so she can buy him some real clothes.

Some chaotic Allison cause this bitch (affectionate) definitely has done some crazy, weird shit

Girls night with The Girls!! (And Neil, he’s an honorary member)

her friendship with Andrew (srsly i so hc them being friends..they’re both judgy rude bitches (in a good way) so there’s no way they’re not like..secretly watching shitty reality tv together)

Sorry about how long this is! Make sure to go eat and drink some water Nin :)

-💜💜✨

YOU CANT DO THIS TO ME bc now i just. want to write about them all so

I feel like Allison wouldn't tiptoe around the things Neil's been through or done. She's been straight up with him before about all of his lies and how she doesn't/didn't trust him, so I think if there's something on people's minds, she's not going to step around it or avoid the elephant in the room. If she's pissed, she'll tell him. If she doesn't understand something, she'll say it. But I think Neil would appreciate that more than knowing people are talking about him but won't just come up and ask him something themselves. It'd feel more normal if she addressed it, rather than just leaving a tension in the air/nobody feeling like they can joke about it or anything with him.

Some sort of sorbet. She used to say something like lemon, but truth be told her favourite is raspberry.

God, grief works weird. I think she cried. A lot. I think she spoke to Bee about him a lot, and I think every time she heard his name or saw his picture it was like she was finding out he was dead all over again. I think it was really, really hard for her. As much as they fought, as much as they broke up and got back together again, he was her rock. He was all she had, he knew her. She doesn't really have family to rely on, she can't call her mom or dad up to be like "My boyfriend died and it's destroying me". I think it was a very lonely time for her no matter how much the team insisted they were there for her. (I would worry about her recovery in the immediate aftermath of his death - I like to think that Abby was really looking after her for those first few weeks to keep her on track and make sure she was being safe and kind to herself)

Youre SO right with the juicy couture. That's just such a given when it comes to this series. Maybe she wore Abercrombie and Fitch too but i don't really know any other brands from 2006 oops

She's a bubblegum pop girly i think. Probably fucked with Avril Lavigne and Rihanna at the time. In my head she's a girls girl so Kylie, Britney, Fergie, P!nk and Beyonce. All the ladies like that.

I've mentioned my thoughts on her and Kevin before and how their relationship as friends develops post-TKM but as for the others. I think Dan, Matt and Nicky are the ones she's closest with, but the first one she'll call for advice is Renee. I feel like Nicky is literally like her gay best friend and they're ALWAYS arm-in-arm. If she needs someone to go shopping with it's always him. They're always bitching and gossiping. Her and Aaron aren't very close, especially considering the choking incident, but I feel like they still appreciate each other on the court and still with hug and congratulate each other when they do well. I don't know about her and Andrew either. That's a tricky one, also considering the choking thing, but I know she's also not afraid of him, either. She sees what he did for her after Seth's death, and so that have a sort of mutual respect, but I don't think they're exactly friends. I feel like her and Neil would be pretty good friends, but aren't exactly going out of their way to hang out with each other.

I LOVE how much she cares about Neil. I think he's cute to her. I think she literally wants to pinch his cheeks and cuddle him even though she knows everything about his past and what he is capable of. He has that Wesninski smile and she's like AWWWW

Like. Listen. I do feel like Allison can be NUTS. I feel like if she didn't restrain herself she's the kind of girl to key someones car for cheating on her or pop someones tyres because they catcalled her. She'd fight anyone on a night out to stick up for her friends, even if she's just about blackout drunk, she's ready to fight. I feel like she's had one of those movie moments on the court where she screams. Like you know what kind of scream I'm talking about. One of those movie girl screams. She can be a total cunt if she wants to be. But most of the time she doesn't

okay i want to write more about the last two but im trying so hard rn to clear my inbox and drafts because i feel like so many ppl think i'm ignoring them so i will leave you with these few thoughts on Allison <3

[heyitspersephone]

Thinking about stranger things again now that the strikes are over and how, narratively, it would be way, WAY cooler to have Mike get Vecna’d instead of Will in s5

It’s just something about the way Mike’s trauma is never addressed or handled in any way?? Like, he hugs his mom twice and then when he was depressed in season 2 and 4 nobody did anything (his parents scolded him for his behavior in s2 ig but that’s not support). His best friend went missing leaving from his house, he watched his body get pulled from the quarry, watched El (in his eyes) kill herself stopping the demogorgon, watched Will be possessed, saw Bob die, was in Star Court when everything went down, saw Billy die, had his best friend move away, was SHOT AT (and really too few people talk about the shooting in Cali bc omg??), buried a body, and watched the apocalypse start. And that’s just off the top of my head.

(And yes I’m aware that the other characters (especially Will) are traumatized too but I will get to my point in a second just hold on)

The plot is geared towards this idea that Will and Henry have to have some big face off (and they should, in my opinion, but I don’t think it should be in a possession, or at least not the the Vecna kind of possession, yk?) but that makes it all the better, writing wise, to have mike be the one in danger. Will was helpless and hiding in s1, I think Will should get his big strong moments in s5 where he gets to be the hero of the story.

It would just be a lot more fun to work with Mike being Vecna’d than Will, because what are we going to bring up with Will’s visions? His dad? His sexuality? The events of s1 from his perspective? It would be cool to see, for sure, but we already know most of that. Mike, on the other hand, has a number of untapped things, like jumping off the quarry, why he’s so hesitant to tell El he loves her, how someone who was smart and kind enough to take El in in s1 and come up with the spy and sauna plans in s2 and s3 could turn into the oblivious asshole that he was in s3 and s4 (he needs therapy, ik, I still love his character but I want to explore the reasons he went from his s2 characterization to his s3 one)

It would be a very interesting parallel, I think, to explore Mike’s thought processes in this way, especially with all of Mike’s repression business (bc whether you ship byler or milkvan he is repressing his feelings HARD. Like, beyond his inability to say I love you there’s the fact that he doesn’t bring up the apparent many times he called pre-s4 during the Rink O Mania fight?? That literally would’ve absolved him of guilt in that argument since he WAS reaching out to Will the whole time? Hellooooo????).

Anyways, this all brings me to my main point: Vecna targets isolation as much as he targets trauma and guilt. The whole party was traumatized by the events in s1, s2, and s3, but Max was the one targeted. Plus, Henry went for Fred, Chrissy, and Patrick (I think his name was Patrick) instead of going for the perceivably easy targets that the mcs would make (ik narratively that would’ve made it more boring but shhh), so why Max and those three specifically? They were isolated. Lucas and Erica have each other, Dustin goes to Steve and Robin, Will and El have each other and Jonathan and Joyce, Nancy probably goes to Jonathan, and who does Mike go to?

No one. And don’t say Nancy because if those two have heart to hearts then I’m the next coming of Christ. Max separated herself from the Party in the aftermath of her grief and guilt over Billy, and it feels quite obvious that Mike was doing the same (like I said, he has repression issues). So Mike is traumatized, alone, and guilty (be it Will getting taken from Mike’s house, losing El in front of him multiple times, the many deaths he has witnessed, or the internalized homophobia angle), which makes him more of a target than Will, in my opinion (or at least an easier one, especially given his tendency to put himself on the line during fights (quarry, most of s2, s3 mindflayer fight), which would set him up on the suicidal ideation path)

Furthermore, as I’ve seen a few other people point out (and I can’t find the posts but one of them had eight screenshots of the various moments), Mike is always the one getting in the way, so it would be a strategic move for Henry to target him to get him out of the picture. Mike was the one that found El and got her involved in saving Will s1, he was the one who came up with the spy plan and called out the ambush in s2, he was the one to monologue Will out of his possession s2, he was the one with the sauna plan for Billy in s3, he was the one trying to help El get the strength to fight s4 (even if the monologue sucked ass it’s the intention that counts). As much as people like to hate on Mike, he is in the leader position most of the time when the party is grouped up (barring his mental health struggles slowing that down beginning of s3 and throughout s4, but he’s still capable of it). He’s the idea man, and he’s the one whose character’s foundations were built on the desire to keep his friends safe, so it would be a very fun plot line to watch him be the one targeted in s5. Like Will said, as lovestruck and cheesy as he was, Mike is the heart of the party when he’s on his A-game, so Henry should 100% be trying to keep him in the issues he’s been struggling with.

Obviously, Will and El are the Targets with a capital T for Henry since they’re the ones that got away or whatever, but I think Mike is a weakness of Will’s (and El’s tbh but also I think they need to have separate character arcs and I don’t exactly ship milkvan) that should be exploited.

TL;DR: Mike should get Vecna’d instead of Will in s5 because it would make sense in lore and be a very cool way to resolve his character arc

[pocketgalaxies]

FOR REALLL RE: WHEN MATT ASKED IF ANYONE WANTED TO DO ANYTHING. And then, when they went to Keyleth and Orym said "we want to be useful in the downtime"... my jaw fucking dropped. You all JUST got back from aeor, and right before that you got back from the moon - where your friend fucking DIED. No one wants to process any of that??

From how Matt had framed it, the feywild meeting between Ludinus and the Unseelie was an optional mission they could have delegated to NPCs, yet they jumped right into it with no prep or plan.

[And ohhh, the instant amnesia about why they were there. It was like they completely forgot the intent of the mission, and when Dorian raised that point ("is this what we are here for? To fight?") They all just shrugged and acted like there was no other choice!] I love them all dearly, so my frustration is borne of concern (they just walked into a HUGE fucking fight they are ill prepared for), and I am TERRIFIED Fearne will die now because of it. But also, I wonder - do they even want to be in this campaign anymore?

The way they keep rushing forward...maybe it's bc they've been conditioned by the rest of this campaign's pacing. Part of me feels it's Orym. This whole campaign it's felt like he's been using his pushing attack on the team. [Telling them early on (ep 30s) they need to promise him to be better together, forever reminding them of the ticking clock which means they need to get to Yios, to the malleus key, to reunite post-solstice. Then, an hr into the reunion: they need to keep going to address things "fast and fully". They need to get to Keyleth, to the moon, to stay on the moon even if it's risky bc "it isn't a vacation." Oop Letters died, but let's get back to keyleth, now we need to go to aeor, back to keyleth, and after all of that...well they need to "be useful in the downtime"! That might be too uncharitable? I don't know.

Above the table, I think they are all overworked from making two animated series, running a company, and their professional work outside of CR. It seems like too much. Like they need a break, and maybe subconsciously are running headlong to the finish so they can finally have one. I don't begrudge them that, but it does make me sad for these specific characters that they've been so constrained by the plot.]

yeah for sure, the campaign is sharing space with a million other responsibilities when it used to be The Flagship the single most significant project they were working on. i think it's very likely that both animated series are perceived as a higher priority than the campaign now given the budget, wider audience, etc. which just kinda sucks when the campaign also requires the highest level of emotional and time investment out of all of those projects

orym has definitely played a role in the Always Business No Pleasure vibe of the campaign but i guess i hesitate to put that much blame on him, i think the overall story has been go go go and orym is largely a reflection of that. but also i do agree that it certainly isn't helping and many ppl have made more eloquent posts than i ever could about the space his grief has been allowed in comparison to other aspects of other characters and how that has affected the party and the campaign overall

i really do wish they could've taken this week to recuperate, do something for themselves. literally anything. go shopping. any loose ends they would want to tie up before going into a battle to the death. but they either don't have connections to outside npcs or those connections simply aren't prominent enough. relvin, milo, birdie and ollie, family in zephrah, dariax, etc.? anyone?? imogen v. groon battle was sitting right there? and i just don't understand the necessity of adding in this ludinus unseelie situation it seems like something extraneous that the story could've gone entirely without and now it's just another Thing they have to do?

ANYWAY just struggling a lot about all these things! having a great time!!

[cleromancy]

oracle year one born of hope from batman chronicles #5 (published 1996) is hands down the best defridging story ive ever read for a lot of reasons--the first being just that its such a damn good comic in the first place. but every time i read it im so struck by the way it reframes the casual *incidental* violence done to barbara in TKJ, where she's just an obstacle in the joker's way to get to jim (to get to batman) and it's not *about* her. on the very second page of OYO we have this:

the entire page (...minus bruce in the bg up there) is drawn from barbaras point of view while she recounts the incident from her hospital bed. literally recentering her and her perspective, her experience and her feelings. where TKJ sensationalizes and sexualizes the violence done to her we see an illustration of her choice--love for her father, "don't get up"--then the shock and pain of the injury, then the operating room.

and she opened the story with "i cant believe i was such an idiot," berating herself for not looking through the peephole or using the chain on the door before she opened it, emphasizing that she knew better, and its a very human response to being the victim of something like this--almost fixating on a small mistake you made. inside the story its about the grief and the sense of control bargaining gives you--"if only i had--!" and then on the meta level its actually addressing the "well why DIDNT barbara look through the peephole???" (<- the answer being that TKJ never considered whether or not she would have, bc that was less important to the story than hurting her.)

and the next page. god. its masterful:

the balance of OYO being a response to TKJ on a meta level and the genuine story-level exploration of barbaras feelings just in the first 3 pages alone... chefs kiss. the way it addresses the previous bullshit storytelling choices--but builds something new off of them, because that shouldn't be the end of barbaras story.

and its so fantastic bc it doesn't shy away from barbaras ugly feelings...

she's so angry and she's allowed to be. and thats also what makes it such a good defridging--that its a resonant portrayal of becoming disabled. anger, grief, humiliation, shame, fear, the absolute *slog* that is recovery, the realization that your independence has been compromised... it really reckons with what this means for her in that moment and moving forward.

just posting this one bc i love her...

and the crux of the story is barbara taking control back over her life, barbara not feeling helpless anymore. its a superhero origin story to its core and its fantastic at what it does.

and i mean... i do always feel iffy about this part:

the juxtaposition of her wanting to do this without batmans help with her, well, unknowingly accepting bruces help. makes seesaw motion with hand. i always feel like its a bit of a weak spot... i like elements of it, particularly *because* this work is addressing so much of TKJs bullshit; this is making bruce actually care about barbaras injury because fuck you he *should* care, he *should* do something. and barbaras need for independence and her struggles to accept help are pretty central to her character and in a story about disability... i mean interdependence is a core tenant of disability rights activism, no man is an island and all that. but btwn it being bruce who finds richard dragon for her to train with, and richard dragon both being yknow a man and not a wheelchair user himself, it falls flat. which is really something you notice bc the rest of the story is so damn good... its hard for me to put my finger on exactly what i think they should've done instead, bc they only had 18 pages for this story and like. it's incredibly tight, not a panel wasted, so it *was* important that barbaras teacher be someone we the reader already know, and there was no *time* to establish some other way for barbara to find someone of richard fucking dragons caliber on her own without bruces connections.

but that i guess does bring me to. the other thing i find frustrating re: OYO which is just that it's. 18 pages collected with two other stories, neither of which is memorable... i mean how many other year ones of a heavy hitter like barbara freakin gordon can you think of with less than a single full issue? and batgirl year one had 9 issues (9 mediocre, mediocre issues). i dont think OYO needed that much time (but hey neither did fucking bgyo)... but come on. come on!!!!!!

anyway whatever. oracle sweep

[cafeinthemoon]

It's a Fire - Chapter III

Chapter 3

Wordcount 3,9k

Title Family Portrait

Fandom Kimetsu no Yaiba / Demon Slayer

Previous chapters

1 . 2

Symbols ⭕ ➕ 🖤

Warnings:  Attempt to agression toward a minor; agressive, abusive behavior; mentions of alcoholism, grief and loss

Tagging ? (If you want to be tagged in any of my stories, just leave a comment on this chapter or send an ask or a message)

N. A.: So, finally I'm having a break from work! I was on vacation and had plenty opportunities to rest and forget about the same, stressful and boring routine, and now I'm back to my writings at last <3 This chapter has the very scene that made me write this whole story, and I'm so proud of it! I'm really happy to share it with you! Also, the end of this chapter had me struggling a bit, mainly bc of the amount of information I should include in it or leave to the next one, but I think I found a reasonable midterm. There was also the question involving the photographs, for I couldn't remember if photography was a technology present in Demon Slayer or not (I had to do a research about photography in Japan to confirm lol)

I really hope you enjoy this chapter as much as I enjoyed writing it :)

The omnipresent tension in each step you took in the Rengoku’s house right in your first day followed you in the next ones, whether you were alone in your room or with others, and in different places, but nothing compared to the few times you’ve met your husband: it was like he was always avoiding you, so whenever you saw him, it seemed to be by chance, as if he failed in keeping his distance. Sometimes, he wouldn’t say anything, but would acknowledge your presence by a direct look or a move of his head, to which you’d reply politely, and the few occasions when he exchanged words with you, the conversation, limited to basic inquiring about practical, daily subjects, would never go beyond one minute or two.

The closest you’ve come to discuss your situation was when one day, after receiving monosyllabic responses, he addressed your discontentment in the most direct way he could, catching you in surprise.

– Listen. I can see this is not what you planned for yourself, but let me tell that I’ve never planned to bring another woman to this house as well. Yet our families had an alliance in the past, and we must honor it.

You bit your lip at those words.

And honor the lots of money my father sent to you.

Instead of spitting your bitter thoughts, however, you responded him with a simple question.

– May I ask you something, Rengoku-sama?

– What is it? – he frowned.

– If honoring this alliance is something we both must do, why do you sound like you’re lecturing me?

It didn’t go unnoticed by you the spite he tried to restrain in the way he clenched his lips. For a moment, you thought you just made a big mistake in speaking like that, and moved one feet back.

But nothing more than a few composed words came from him in response.

– Let’s just say that your father and I had a conversation in which he pointed out that, despite your many talents, fulfilling duties like this can be a sensitive, not to say difficult, subject to you. I myself have issues towards it too, still I don’t want it to become an obstacle for us.

You measured those words. Finally, something you both agreed, you thought. But you decided to follow through a different path, directing the pressure to your father’s account.

– Rengoku-sama, I don’t know when was the last time you’ve saw y/ln-sama before the wedding arrangements, but I suppose it happened long ago, so that I need to bring some things to your attention. My father is a stern man, too attached to his traditions and too busy to take time in learning about what lies beyond them. These traits only increased since my mother passed away, and he has been spending more and more time by himself, barely talking to anyone but the servants. So, it might be just my opinion, but if we really want to make this work, seeing your new wife through such man’s eyes is not going to help you, nor her.

He spent a moment in silence, pondering your words. You had no doubts that if you were a boy and younger, he would’ve already showed an inflamed reaction, but having a young woman using all her dignity was enough to make him hold himself in place.

– I will take this as a sign of compliance.

Before you could say anything, he turned his back and headed to his room with no additional comments.

Never he asked how you were feeling in that new environment, if your room was of your like or if the servants have answered your needs, neither before or after this episode. Yes, after seeing you burning your father’s letter with no hesitation, he might have supposed that your feelings towards the situation weren’t the best, but even so you’d consider it a matter of gentleness, after all you were a couple. But gentleness didn’t seem to be a known concept by Shinjuro, and you wouldn’t take too long to see examples of that.

One of the first things that brought you uneasiness concerning your husband was the fact that, whatever the period of the day or the occasion, he was always accompanied by a bottle of sake; you’ve never seen him using a cup, however, and even in times he wasn’t drinking, a moment standing next to him was enough for one to notice the subtle smell of alcohol.

There was a morning when you just opened your room’s door and put your feet on the corridor, and a sequence of angry yells came to your ears. You stopped immediately and, glancing around, you saw a young servant kneeling in front of Shinjuro’s door and trying to speak to him, maybe about an issue concerning the house. You couldn’t understand what was being said, but apparently the man has delivered unpleasant news and asked for an answer, which infuriated his lord.

You kept listening to the unnerving communication between the two, and had to suppress a scream with your hand over your mouth when your husband screamed and threw a bottle full of liquid at the young man, who flinched, protecting his head under his hands; this measure wouldn’t work if the bottle has crashed on him, but fortunately it hit the wall behind after passing over his head. The sharp pieces of the bottle spread with a crash on the floor, now soaked with the sake, then there was silence. The young man excused himself and left before something worse took place. You bit your lip.

What could be so irritating that got him acting that way? My goodness…

You were standing in the doorway, still observing, when the sight of Shinjuro’s shadow on the wall hit by the bottle woke you up and made you go back inside your room, closing your door quickly (and quietly) as possible. You returned to the middle of the room and waited, afraid that he decided to take your room’s direction, but to your relief, none of this happened, so you sat back on your bed to catch your breath.

So, this is what I’ll have to live with under this roof. I’ll be sharing this place with a beast.

You walked around the house with a blade hidden in your sleeve and slept with your sword beside you every night after that.

***

In the following days, you’ve saw similar episodes, all of them giving you enough reasons to stay on guard in his presence. This was even more important when Senjuro was around. The boy, you noticed, was used to this behavior, though he was never able to completely disguise his discomfort towards it; it was clear that he had memories of a time when things were different, for what other reason he had for not letting his conscience go numb in front of the things he saw everyday? You considered this a fortunate trait, and reinforced to yourself the task of protecting the goodness your stepson had in him.

There was a day when you faced the need of transforming this determination in action.

It’s been a full month since your wedding day, and you created the habit of taking walks in the garden behind the house after an occasion when your husband saw you heading to the kitchen. You passed by him and, before you could carry on your way, he called you.

– Rengoku-sama?

– I’ve heard you’ve been bored these days. I’d feel like that if I was in your place too – and, pointing at what he supposed to be the garden’s direction, – From the porch of these rooms, you can find a narrow path that leads to an old garden at the south wing. Go take a walk there from time to time. It might help you with the paleness in your face.

You nodded and murmured a “Thank you” to that strange favor, but he didn’t finish yet.

– But make sure to avoid it at evenings, though. We never know what might appear at this period of the day.

You didn’t reply. You just stood there, watching as he distanced himself through the corridor. You started using the garden, but obeyed his instruction and never lingered there when the evening approached.

The garden, indeed, had the appearance of a place that hasn’t been used for a long time. The path that crossed the area, connecting all its zones, was covered in grass and weeds, its stones invisible under them in some spots; the trees were overgrown, with fallen branches suspended by the ones still connected to the trunks, and thick layers of dead leaves surrounding the trees and their roots; there were bushes full of dry leaves as well, and some were taken over by cascades of wild flowers. Everything smelled like abandonment and melancholy.

One morning, you were just walking like the previous occasions, but you looked ahead and found Senjuro there, wielding a training sword. You smiled and approached.

– I hope I’m not interrupting anything?

He startled, but smiled when he recognized you.

– Good morning, y/n. I haven’t trained regularly the last months, but now I’m trying to regain the wasted time.

– That’s good to hear! – you crossed your arms – Speaking about this, I haven’t trained since I left my father’s house. Would you mind training with me?

Senjuro opened a content smile at this.

– It’s okay for me. It’s good to have company while training.

He decided to go back to the house and find another wood sword for you.

You’ve spent the entire morning having fun with your swords clashing. In fact, Senjuro knew all the basic moves your mother taught you, so that there was little you could teach him in this sense, but you noticed he struggled a bit with changing his position quickly enough to defend himself from surprise attacks, as if his body couldn’t follow his eyes; still, he was fast with his feet, and you thought you could help him work on this. On the other hand, you struggled with physically strong strikes, and since he was already stronger than you despite his age, you found yourself using your feet more to stand in place than to explore the space around you.

You even managed to have conversations about your progresses and goals concerning the art of the sword.

– I know I have little chance to surpass my brother, at least in developing the family’s Breath Style – Senjuro told you once – But I still can serve as a security worker or follow other paths. I want to dedicate my life to an honorable career, even if it means not wielding a sword at all. Still, I really like training.

– My choices are even smaller than yours when it comes to using a sword – you replied – But I want to do honorable works too. When my mother was alive, I thought my biggest dream was to develop my own Breath Style and work by her side in the Demon Slayer Corps. But now that she’s no longer here, I’m not so sure about this. I’d prefer to think that I’ll wield my sword to protect myself and the ones I care about, whether against a demon or another being.

You didn’t know, but your words would become prophetic a few days later, when what should have been just another morning training turned into a disturbing episode involving your stepson and your husband.

The thing was that, sometimes, Shinjuro demanded his son to go to the town’s market and buy sake for him instead of going by himself. This was revealed to you by Senjuro when you asked where he was going so early in the morning one day, and other times you saw him being sent by his father in other periods of the day with no right to question. You wanted to interfere, of course, but without a good plan of action and judging by how Shinjuro dealt with the servants who displeased him, you could tell you wouldn’t be treated less harshy.

You were in the middle of the training: Senjuro was experimenting a new technique and you were instructing him, when a sudden noise behind you made you stop and turn. Both of you held your breath when you saw Shinjuro approaching with impatient steps, but unlike your stepson, you didn’t let your sword down, waiting to see what he had for you that time.

He was the first to speak, directly to his son.

– So this is where you’ve been hiding the last mornings? Are you really avoiding your tasks by playing with fake swords with your stepmother? – he inquired; and, before the boy could say anything, – I need you to go to town and buy me sake now.

Senjuro made a shy attempt to argue:

– But, father, I’ve already bought you some yesterday…

– I gave you an order! – the other cut off – You’ve never been great with swords anyway. And now aren’t you even able to obey your father?

The boy gave up replying, but still hesitated, the sword in hands. You clenched your own hand around yours, gritting your teeth behind your closed lips.

That’s not fair. This kid’s been left alone with this man for a long time. It’s my turn to stand up for him.

– He can’t leave the house at the moment, Rengoku-sama – your voice came out loud and clear in the tense silence established between the two males; you positioned yourself ahead, in a way that would protect Senjuro from his father’s reach, yet not separating the them from each other – He has a training session to finish. A servant can go in his place.

Shinjuro’s eyes, flaming at the slightest touch of the sunlight, had nothing to you but resentment for your intrusion. Who the hell you think you were to stand between him and his son when this latter needed correction?

– Someone as grown as you should know where to stop playing, y/n – his tone was rough, and you didn’t know if it was sarcasm or just rage what you sensed in it – There are many things inside the house to which you could dedicate your time to.

You swallowed.

He’s really telling me to abandon the sword and start playing his wife?

Senjuro apparently feared that something worse was about to happen, and tried to calm down the situation again.

– Father, what if I finish here and immediately go to the market…

Shinjuro turned to him.

– You’re still trying to argue?! You brat!

Ignoring your presence, the man raised his hand toward the boy, perhaps too blind by his own anger to notice that he would never reach his victim and to underestimate your choice of putting yourself between them, for his punch never completed its route: coming from underneath, your sword slapped his hand away with a harsh strike, full of your impatience and indignation; you stood in front of your husband, completely hiding his son, and pointed the wood tip at his face.

– Senjuro-san, here’s a lesson for you – you say, without taking his eyes off his father –When a reckless individual approaches a swordsman, you must make sure he understands he’s making a terrible mistake.

Maybe your strike wasn’t as strong as you intended it to be, or your husband had an abnormally high pain tolerance, for his response, after a brief shake of his beaten hand, was to grab the length of your sword and hold it so tight that you couldn’t move it away. Your eyes widened at the wood cracking around his grip.

– Senjuro-san, two lessons for you – mimicking your attitude, he spoke to his son, but his eyes were glued on you – First, always remember to hold your sword the right way. Second, never start an assault without measuring your adversary’s strength.

He let go of the sword at last, turned his back on you and left.

When all the signs of his presence disappeared, you let your sword down and turned to Senjuro. Swallowing every bit of shame or disappointment, you opened a smile. The gesture confused him, but soon you clarified it.

– Your father is right. In a battle, prudence is everything – and, wielding your sword again, – Let’s try again.

***

Days have passed.

During all this time, you haven’t seen Shinjuro except for one time or two, and only at distance. No conversation happened between you, not even through the servants. Not that you were sad or ashamed by it, of course: you did what you had to do to defend Senjuro, and you were always trying to be reasonable and polite despite the unfavorable circumstances; unlike your husband, you had nothing to regret about. The only thing you felt was an increase in the tension that already existed inside the house, which put you in an even deeper state of alert. On the other hand, no interruptions happened during your next training sessions, and Senjuro seemed more at ease whenever you were around: he has been fulfilling his tasks with more diligence, and didn’t hesitate in calling for help when necessary. You were happy to see that a slight chance of him reaching a healthy, mature state still existed despite what he has seen and might still see there.

But not even this proof of your right decision to take care of him could erase the uneasiness in your perception concerning his father: you couldn’t help wondering why, and how, he became the person you were seeing now. Your parents, each one in their own manner, assured you that he was a good, honored person, someone who dedicated his life and energy to protect people from literal demons – so what kind of thing could provoke such transformation, that is, if he was really how your parents pictured him?

This mystery has been eating your mind up, and you had no courage to ask Senjuro about this; you didn’t want to be intrusive, neither you intended to bring back unpleasant memories he might have had. At the same time, you didn’t see ways to figure it out by yourself, or at least no one that didn’t involve invading spaces that weren’t meant for you, including parts of the house which access was forbidden, such as the living room. With all the things that happened since you went to live in that house, as well as the fact that you were too concentrated on your own feelings, you hadn’t the time to feed any curiosity about these places, but this started to change since the argument at the garden. What if the answers were all inside them?

Part of you was convinced of this, yet was against an intrusion: you weren’t even expected to be there a few months ago, and now you wouldn’t be able to follow a simple rule? What kind of adult you were? Other part, however, was just waiting for an opportunity.

And it came one day, when Shinjuro decided to go after his sake by himself.

You were passing by an inner corridor from where you could see the front door when you noticed it was left open. At first, you supposed that Senjuro forgot to close it and went there to do it, but one step toward it and you saw Shinjuro walking away, passing under the portal and heading to the street that led to the town. He was dressed properly and wearing sandals, so you understood he was going to spend some time away from home and was probably see a significant amount of people; besides, he had empty hands, implying that his bottles were all empty as well. You’ve already suspected that, after the beef in the garden, he learned to buy his own drink without bothering his son, and now you were relieved to confirm it. You quietly closed the door and followed through the corridor.

Guilty clenched a hand around your heart while you approached the door and pushed it to the side, but that wouldn’t make you give up. You took a deep breath and stepped into the living room…

And found it completely tied up, as if someone cleaned it yesterday.

The floor was glowing with a new wax layer, the furniture and decoration had no signs of dust over it, and so did the paintings on the walls; there was a slight scent of perfume in the air, confirming your supposition about the cleaning. You observed the space and thought it could be a living room as any other, if it wasn’t for a detail.

The photographs.

They spread everywhere you looked, from the tables to the walls, silent guardians of the house’s memory, of a time when that family had a different, correct, happier structure, where every member had their natural, special place reserved among their loved ones, each one united with the other by the strongest bond.

A time that this family will never see again.

There you observed a younger version of your husband, whether in common, traditional clothing or in his uniform as a member of the Demon Slayer Corps, and understood that your parents were referring to this Shinjuro whenever they spoke about him, the healthy and tied up responsible head of his house, the hard worker you’d never guess that existed if it wasn’t for your parents’ word and those images. A man who was no longer there, though he continued to live.

And beside this man you found the ones he lost, people who also ceased to exist, but in a literal, painful sense.

First, a young man who resembled him in each trait, and who chose to follow his steps judging by his solo portraits in the Corps clothing. On his face, always a content, vivid expression that made you smile before you could stop yourself. You imagined how loved and cherished he might have been in that house… and how much of that very house’s light was gone when they found out he would never step into it again.

Second, sometimes with her free, delicate hands on sight, sometimes with them occupied holding a baby who became your stepson, a woman with light clothes and brown hair falling over her shoulders, maybe younger than you by the time those photos were taken, always by the side of the man who was now married to you, but the happier version of him, surely being like this because of her. A woman with a quiet, peaceful smile and a pair of ruby gems as eyes, staring at the camera with a gaze that would trespass the lens and the time to reach you, making you unravel the mystery that has been haunting your mind those days.

This was the woman he loved, then. This was the reason why he couldn’t stand you.

You sensed a hole forming inside your chest and tears starting to blur your sight, making the family disappear before you, but it wasn’t jealousy you had of them, not even of the woman. It was pure sadness.

What a beautiful woman… What a beautiful family… What has my father done?… What am I even doing here?…

You turned to your side, to the door’s direction. Leaving that room the way you found it and forget about what you saw there was the most decent thing you could do after disobeying the rule you’ve been taught. Maybe that was the reason why you should never be allowed there: it wouldn’t do you any good to see what those people were before you entered their lives, and what they’ve lost before they were given you as a poor excuse for a member. But now it was too late to regret this.

As well as it was too late to hide what you did when, standing at the doorway, you found Senjuro staring at you with worried confusion in his eyes.

Chapter 4

[campfam4lyfe]

So good to meet another Brookji/Kenlynn fan! What do you think that will happen between them in JWCT season 2 (or later seasons)?

YESSS ANOTHER BROOKENJI!!!!!

okay so, honestly, i have like. zero clue. of what i think will actually happen, because there could be so many different roads for them to take. i know what i want though, and that is a kenlynn endgame. i understand why they broke up, i do. but to see their faces as it happened. the devastation--neither of them wanted it. but kenji had to do it, and i dont blame him.

but guys! brooklynn loves the camp fam--she keeps their picture up on her mystery board. she kept it as her lockscreen. she loves them. i also have to say, that brooklynn loves kenji. as a boyfriend, as a lover--as her person. darius says she was real broken up about the breakup, and she clearly had regrets. she told darius about how and where it happened. she kept that video with the "brokwie bear" and "kenji wenji." she has that video because she couldn't help but film him bc she thought he was being cute. it was one of the first things they saw when they decided to look through her phone! she loves him!

and kenji loves her--his grief over her death, his anger at the people he suspected of being involved in her death--the constant "where were you's" to darius--he needed to know why he wasnt there. that bit where he says "be honest with me. if you loved brooklynn, and mean, really loved her, why werent you there?" broke me, absolutely, cause goddamn ouch. like. he loves her, so he couldnt imagine not showing up if she called him. to the extent where he needs to know why darius wasnt and its like. does he, somehow, blame himself a lot? is that a veiled, *i* could have been there, why didnt she want me there?? devastating stuff.

but. thats all s1 stuff. youre asking about season 2 and onwards! so. what i think will happen--okay, so, you remember how in the end of s1 cc they showed ben was alive? and then we got a ben&bumpy episode that spanned the near-month he was alone. im wondering if they'll do that with brooklynn at some point. truly, i dont know. its possible, but maybe there going to reveal it in pieces, like flashbacks.

i want to know how brooklynn survived. the extent of her realtionship with ronnie, and about all the stuff she'd uncovered abt the dino smugglers since she started till now.

but also, i want a reunion so so bad, and since CT was handling everything else so well, i think theyll do a reunion justice too. and that means i think they will give some of the characters space to be angry. obviously i think there will be relief--who wouldnt be, to find out your friend is alive? but then i think there might also be betrayal, or anger or both.

and maybe also a little horror. brooklynn lost her HAND. and those moments leading up to it must have been terrifying.

i want the fact that she has lost a hand to be addressed. for instance, she can't drive her motorcycle anymore, at least not without a proper prosthesis. and its clearly something she liked doing--her helmets! one for her and one for kenji. just. AHHHHHH you know???

i want kenji to be wooed, let brooklynn woo kenji CT writers, let them woo each other.

i realize i keep meandering and never properly answering your question. im so sorry! okay--i think things will be tense, probably, with relief mixed in, but also a lot of hurt, and some anger. i think brooklynn will have her reasons, its a matter of whether or not the camp fam can accept those reasons or not, after all, we cannot force anyone to accept our apologies. i think they will however, though it may be at different stages for different characters. i think kenlynn will be able to reconcile, and im hoping for a "i knew youd come around/dont ruin it" call back. (my biggest hope is for that ghost line callback tho) but i also think brooklynn will have to show kenji that she does value his time and being with him, and just, him. which, i think its clear she does, but she got a little too consumed with her mystery for a hot sec.

[hearthown]

I have some theories I want to share: I'm not sure if you've talked about this before, but I've always been interested in Tobias and Alice's relationship because we heard/know so little. All we know is that she was the love of his life (stated in tbh). I think their relationship is definitely going to come up in the Prague story because, tbh scene where Tobias talks about Alice makes it seem like he knew or at least suspected her survival of whatever killed her (saving Alice's opinion/judgment of the boys when they're ready/done. It could either be interpreted as him knowing alice so well he knew what she would say or he was literally going to save her judgment for another time). Because it's Tobias, the comment about saving Alice's opinions for when the boys are ready/worthy, her cause of death never being explicitly stated (It just said the grief of losing toby had something to do with it in thl. WAS THAT ONE OF YHE CLUES JLB SAID SHE HID IN THL?!), and the fact that he knew toby was alive, I think Tobias had known about Alice or helped her disappear. Btw I lowkey think Nan knows because it's her daughter. This probably didn't happen, but It'd be so interesting if toby and Alice had crossed paths while he was on the run.

Thank you for sharing your theories! Yes, there's a lot we don't know about Tobias and Alice's relationship – and I definitely feel like it'll be addressed in Games Untold (Prague story like you said) since there were hints regarding Alice & Prague (they seem to be connected) in TBH. Also, there's a pearl necklace on the cover of Games Untold which I believe refers to Alice Hawthorne since in TBH, it was mentioned that the proof which Jameson passed to the Proprietor to prove his secret was a pearl containing poison.

Regarding Tobias' words, yes, I found that a bit sketchy. We know that Tobias knew that Toby never really died, so there's a chance that Alice knew too (which means that her "cause of death" mentioned in THL doesn't add up). MAYBE IT IS A CLUE! I'm not sure about Nan but I do know that Nan knows more than she lets on. It's possible!

Personally, after reading the snippets of thoughts Jameson had regarding Prague, I had a feeling that Alice wanted nothing more to do with the Hawthorne family (SOMEHOW). I know this sounds really bad and I admit that I'm missing A LOT of the important pieces but that's kind of like the vibe I'm getting (anyone who has a different view on this, please lmk bc I feel so bad writing this abt Alice 😵‍💫).

In TBH, it's mentioned that whoever Jameson saw in Prague (presumably Alice) told him that "there are ways to take care of problems" and (if it was Alice) she gave him a warning in the form of the pocket watch containing the pearl filled with poison. I'm guessing that she told Jameson not to tell anyone that she was alive (hence, the frequent mentions of a secret he couldn't tell his brothers and even Avery) and if he ever did, she'd be taking care of the problem by getting rid of whoever else knew (circle back to the poison). It was also mentioned that the poison was undetectable, untraceable, so it could hint towards getting rid of someone without the world knowing.

Tobias also mentioned (to Gray and Jamie) that "if she is the one, she will destroy you". Alice was that person for Tobias. And maybe "destroy you" means destroy Tobias' legacy??? Why would Tobias even say that if Alice didn't somehow destroy him in a way? (I'm reaching too far here 😭) but in summary, there's a lot of mystery surrounding Alice Hawthorne and I hope we can resolve it in the next few books.

[melrosing]

What if brienne's mom was still alive? How much of her character/story would change? And what do u imagine their relationship would be like? 🧐

sorry for the late reply! I think I’ve written something on this before but im on mobile and i know im never gonna find it so. this is mostly hcs:

for whatever reason I’ve always imagined Brienne’s mother as a quiet, daydreamy person who doesn’t smile much but somehow exudes warmth anyway. Selwyn I imagine as having been a big character in his youth but he turns inwards after the loss of Cyril (my hc name for her) and their children. but anyway they were an odd couple in their youth but it kind of worked

the main thing she and Brienne share is a passion for stories, songs and poetry: I think Brienne gets her romanticism from her mother, and Cyril knows a lot about stormlands folklore etc and Brienne is always eager to hear about. they go on walks about the island together to see supposed sites of magic

otoh i think Cyril would be aware that Brienne looks different to other girls but her approach is just to never comment on it. which is fine at first but hard for Bri in adolescence bc she kind of needs Cyril to say she knows she’s different and that’s fine, but Cyril thinks if she says nothing then Brienne will never even realise

Brienne still would have suffered the insults of someone like Septa Roelle, who is more than happy to tell her precisely the ways she’s different, but she doesn’t want to tell her mother bc she’s scared of Cyril confirming it’s all true so unfortunately that never gets addressed

hc that Cyril living means Selwyn maintains his big personality to a greater extent, and he’s warmer towards Brienne as a result. but he’s often distracted by his role as the Evenstar so Bri doesn’t confide much in him EITHER

you know I guess it all really depends on what kind of person Brienne’s mother was in terms of what impact she would’ve had on Brienne’s story. I think she and Brienne would’ve been warm towards one another but not similar people, so she can’t necessarily heal all of Brienne’s hurts and Renly’s kindness is still enough to drive her to join his train

I don’t picture Cyril trying to stop Brienne leaving, she thinks it’s kind of romantic. but Selwyn being less inward in this AU, he does try to stop her as his only heir and that creates a rift between them. maybe that results in Brienne being more resolute about not returning till she wishes, or less so idk. but in short my hc is that Brienne got away with much of her nonconformity through the emotional absence of Selwyn who is too lost in grief to pay her enough attention

maybe in the least, Brienne doesn’t immediately feel so strongly tied to Catelyn, with whom I think there’s a slightly maternal relationship going on? bc she doesn’t lack a mother, that bond doesn’t feel so urgent as it does in ACOK, for either of them: Brienne subconsciously looking for the presence of a maternal figure, Catelyn missing her own children terribly and especially her daughters

idk hope this helps

[tumblingghosts]

re: ask game

felix ratvinstill, the patron saint of rodents

because I would love to know any and all behind the scenes thoughts

of course! happy to yap about the rats <3

(i have an embarrassing about of lore about these rats)

i already mentioned a few things in these replies:

gaul's beef w/ felix & where the rat obsession started

clemmie is tired of felix's rat shenanigans

reference to livia worshipping taylor swift

max making sure the rat parade was not broadcast

expanding on those:

felix's rat obsession started shortly after his parents' deaths as a coping mechanism that no one addressed until it was too late & felix was irrevocably attached

it was still war time so there were a lot of rats around on the streets and felix had somehow managed to capture one (aesop) to keep as a pet turned support animal

max (president) was pretty concerned about the whole thing, but between the grief of losing family members and the ongoing war, he basically went 'kids will be kids ig' and let felix be

felix originally calling aesop 'mr rat' and would read him some stories (aesop's fables) to help him go to sleep bc that's what his parents would do to help him sleep when he was younger

aesop was named as such because he went 'storybooks' -> 'rat that helps me sleep' -> 'perfect name :D'

max (president) did have gaul 'check' aesop (without felix's knowledge) once it was brought to his attention that felix was letting aesop sleep in his bed bc he did not want felix to be killed off by a potentially diseased rat

(is aesop the same rat that felix originally caught? maybe. maybe not. gaul certainly isn't saying whether she modified aesop or gave a mutt replacement. maybe the rat she melted on their field trip as nine-year-olds was the original aesop. again, gaul certainly isn't going to say anything one way or the other)

anyway, that's how all of felix's rats live past 3-4 years 🐀

felix stopped collecting rats when the war ended (eight-years-old) because max (president) was able to convince him that it would be too much of a hassle to have more rats once transitioned from homeschooling to a school with others. max was not, however, able to convince felix to get rid of any of the rats (his original intent).

when felix was younger, i like to think he had one of those little red wagons to bring all his rats along everywhere. by the time he reaches the academy, he just carries them in his pockets and/or lets them follow him on their own.

asclepius is his medic rat (named after the god of medicine) and the first rat that clemensia was introduced to. she was severely weirded out, but came around after an asclepius alerted a teacher when she was having an allergic reaction (strawberry allergy headcanon from medea)

yes, felix did make clemmie thank asclepius for quote "saving her life", which she did do. her thoughts on felix's rats after that event were basically 'well, i guess this is a thing.....this is fine....' which felix took to mean that she was an ally against rat haters (livia)

max (rat) was the last (36th) felix had adopted. it was just a few months before the end, and he quickly became felix's support rat. max (president) was not present enough in felix's life to realize felix had named after him under nearly a year later.

max (president) knew about albanus (rat) but was fine with it because he thought felix was just honoring a dead family member. max (president) side eyes felix's interactions wtih max the rat all the time. marius and gnaeus are just grateful that no rats are named after them.

side note: originally, this fic was just supposed to be felix's perspective, but as i was writing, felix's pov sounded too 'rational' bc of how much he was coping, so dill's pov was added in for contrast (and get an outside view of the rat-related insanity)

the rat parade happens at heavensbee hall. the people in attendance were the mentors and tributes (and, of course, felix's rats). max (president) did not attend. gaul was not invited. livia was also not invited, but she showed up because she was insulted that facet was given a personalized invite.

felix wanted it to be bigger, but that was the compromise that max (president) was able to negotiate felix into agreeing to. there were cameras that felix insisted on being there with the intent to broadcast the event, but none were actually recording.

max (president) made sure that none of them were on and told felix after the fact that they had 'malfunctioned' so the rat parade 'unfortunately' was not shared. felix is very disappointed by this and has to be comforted by max (rat) when he can't host a second rat parade to make up for it.

no one ever believes reaper and dill when they go back home and tell others about the rats. eventually, they just fudge the story to stop people from pressing them for the "real" story (aka "the mentors were convinced by the tributes' humanity from interacting with them and realizing how bad things were in the districts & dill's mentor was able to use nepotism to stop the games" - basically the same concept minus the rats)

i didn't have any solid ideas after that, but i like to think that felix visits dill in d11 sometime in the future and she has to awkwardly explain to her family that 'this is felix ravinstill, yes, that ravinstill family, yes, these rats are normal and please don't say anything against it to his face, please'.

and there you have it! 🐀🐀🐀

thanks for the ask abyssal! :D

[kaesaaurelia]

Uh so my boss was obnoxious in a way that twinged my weird grief for my old boss Paul, who would have handed this thing to me and said "you know what to do" instead of acting like I didn't understand it and then himself not understanding it, and I cried a little and then everyone was like oh NO herb is terrible! and I was like "no I'm fine really" but people noticing me while I'm crying tends to make it worse so things spiraled and long story short he was angry at another paralegal for something that was absolutely not her fault (I just couldn't accomplish what he wanted me to do until I'd talked to her about how she bills things but he was taking out his frustration with the thing being past due bc it was sent to the wrong address -- also to be very clear the penalty for this is 13 entire dollars) and I ended up in the office of one of the partners explaining that I didn't really have an issue with how he treats me (he's unusually nice to me compared to other people) but he talks shit about people I know don't deserve it and he keeps trying to get me to bill things in a way I know is incorrect.

Anyway uh now he's prohibited from contacting any attorneys or support staff at the firm until they've talked to him about this and I'm so scared he's gonna be mad at me but at least the billing issue finally got straightened out.

They sound so extremely done with him.

Anyway. Could have been a better day.

[horizon-verizon]

I came across a comment underneath a post related to Show!Rhaenys which stated that had she survived she wouldn't have objected to Addam and Alyn becoming Corlys' heirs. Now, while we will never find out whether she would have done so or not, I believe it won't be out of character for her. And it is not a compliment.

In the book, Corlys most probably pushed for Addam to be legitimized and named heir to Driftmark because Joffrey was betrothed to Lord Manderly's daughter as part of the marriage pact made by Jace. Now, the previous arrangement according to which Luke was to succeed him with Rhaena as his wife was advantageous because their children would have carried his name as well as his bloodline. That window was closed with Joff. So, he probably thought that he might as well have his biological son succeed him, if nothing else. He had also lost Rhaenys by then and was angry at Rhaenyra. She was not in a position to refuse his demand.

On the show, Rhaenys suggests the idea of supplanting Joffrey with Rhaena as if the succession of Driftmark is candy which they can take from one kid and hand over to the other. In other words, she was suggesting that they pressurize Rhaenyra to set her son aside knowing that she is dependent on their support. This makes her callous in a way that even Book!Corlys wasn't because neither does she have the excuse of grief nor is Joffrey betrothed to someone else in this continuity.

All Show!Rhaenys cared for were appearances. The appearance of being fair and just. The appearance of being right. She doesn't care if Rhaenyra or anyone else gets screwed in the process as long as she gets to maintain it.

She wanted Baela, and later Rhaena, to inherit Driftmark primarily out of her prejudice against Rhaenyra's sons. But if Corlys were to put forward a "true" Velaryon heir then she is exactly the kind of person who would advise Rhaena to sit back, marry Addam or Alyn and remain content as Consort because such is the order of things .

Aaaah...posts like this make it so painful for me, bc I don't want to keep saying "it's the writers, a Doylist reading of them fucking shit up is more salient for this bc the entire project is set against portraying misogyny as it is by making their women "good" and behaviorally subservient for their guiding-women-for-violent-men shit, thus most Watsonian readings don't address the integrity issue of HotD very well". But you're asking me for a more Watsonian reading.

On the show, Rhaenys suggests the idea of supplanting Joffrey with Rhaena as if the succession of Driftmark is candy which they can take from one kid and hand over to the other. In other words, she was suggesting that they pressurize Rhaenyra to set her son aside knowing that she is dependent on their support. This makes her callous in a way that even Book!Corlys wasn't because neither does she have the excuse of grief nor is Joffrey betrothed to someone else in this continuity.

It think one counterargument some people may have is either that Rhaenys doesn't owe Rhaenyra anything whether Rhaenyra did something to her or not OR that she is a lot like many imagine real medieval women would act. Second one is fair, until you see how she's still very different from her book self and much less disposed to use violence for the reason of trying to make women more pacific and imply those who don't are uniquely evil from men who do the same. First one is dumb bc it is she who decides to engage and rebuke Rhaenyra for thinking similar thoughts she may have thought before.

Neither of these things will ever endear me to show!Rhaenys in particular, because both display a condescendingly disengenuous claim of moral superiority form the show itself about what this war is about, which is that this war was not as inlfuenced or caused and directed by sexism as it was by aristocratic selfishnesss...which the War of the Five Kings and literally EVERY other war in ASoIaF is caused, so why do we care so much about the Dance and changing Rhaenyra's or Rhaenys' characters....these female characters? Why do we change Rhaena of Pentos to merge w/Nettles, make the man who supported his wife political claims and showed not hint of DOMESTIC VIOLENCE domestically abuse her (S1 epi 10)? Why make one of the rapists (Hugh the Hammer) more sympathetic by making him a down-on-his-luck family man with a sick child? Why turn a politically intelligent woman into one who take multiple baths and has sex with a Kingsguard with little development towards theat, and make this a feature of her character in the second season? Why add MORE gender violence against women in general (Aemma, Rhea Royce)?

she is exactly the kind of person who would advise Rhaena to sit back, marry Addam or Alyn and remain content as Consort because such is the order of things

Yeah...bc they wrote her that way. Just hateful, this rewrite. Can't take her (them) seriously, Rhaneys is their spokesperson, and the inspiration of Hilary Clinton really how Hess' personal feelings or views really shaped the characters instead of her knowing what F&B is and be willing to tell that. (I say Hess bc it is her who said she used Clinton as her inspo) And if she wasn't willing...never should have signed on.