#but I respect the narrative and it’s very beautiful art

[king0fcrows]

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[beta-adjacent]

I want to put trending omegaverse TikTok threads in a museum. I'm not joking; they are actual fucking art to me.

[creatingblackcharacters]

"It takes HOW LONG?" Black Hair is an Art (pt.2)

(This is part two of the hair lessons, focusing on writing/narratives. If you want to know how the styles LOOK, refer to part 1 and its addendum)

Now that you know what our hair actually looks like, we’re going to discuss incorporating that into your writing (original fic, fanfic, webcomics, anything with a narrative). You don’t HAVE to give us a dissertation on "how you studied 'The Black People’s Hair'" in your story. That’s not what I’m asking you to do. I’m just asking you to CONSIDER the effort and existence of it. The same way you put effort into discussing nonblack hair textures? Should be the sort of tenderness and care you put into discussing ours. It does not stand to reason that I have read thousands of stories describing "the silky, black/blonde tresses/waves that fell down their pale back as their lover ran their fingers through them", but Black readers have nothing of the sort to compare to without seeking our own authors out. Our hair deserves some loving and adoration too!

This is a very long post describing hairstyles and how they can correspond to your character's design and decisions, so I'll put a read more here. The sections are organized into 'Twist Out', 'Afros', 'Locs', 'Braids', 'Black Men', and 'Straight Hair' if you Ctrl F. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE take your time to read all of this at some point though, as I put a lot of resources and explanation into this. I'm trusting you!

The History

As I discussed in the last lesson, our hair is incredibly important to us, and part of that includes the vulnerability and trust that comes along with access to it. This is due to a long history of oppression. There’s a racist history of making Black women hide our hair, as if it would ‘tempt white men’ away, regardless of it were due to actual attraction or the (more likely) rape of Black women. There’s a racist history of touching our hair, as though we are animals or zoo exhibits. We aren’t just going to let anyone touch our heads, so DON'T write that, unless you are doing so to show that it is a microaggression towards your character. Even now, cultural appropriation is rampant. If I were to wear cornrows with hoops, it'd be seen as 'ghetto' or 'gang-like'. Meanwhile, it is a fashion statement for white women. When Miles G Morales showed up in Across the Spiderverse, animators specifically chose cornrows for him, but many people mistakenly took it to me that he was 'rougher and tougher' than the original Miles. This was a racist perception! Hearing the Fade get hyped up in the news as the 'Travis Kelce', when Black men and especially NFL players have been wearing it for DECADES to crickets... it hurts lmao. Point is, you can describe and respect Black hair without being racist about it. Okay? Okay.

Vulnerability

YOUR CHARACTERS NEED TO BE CLOSE BEFORE ALLOWING THEM TO TOUCH THEIR HAIR!!!

It needs to be someone they TRUST wholeheartedly. Again, do NOT let a stranger touch their hair unless it’s meant to be an uncomfortable situation!

Consider CONSENT! Consent is ALWAYS beautiful! Have your other characters (Black or not) ASK to touch your Black characters’ hair! And not in the ‘Oh can I touch it?’ way. But if they’re really close friends or dating, have them ask to help do their braids, or wash their hair, or even just to stroke their hair and face! Or if your Black character is injured with a head wound, and they have to tend to them, have them ask! The asking shows a level of care and respect for your Black character and their body! At any point the consent may be revoked, and that needs to be respected! If they let them tend their head wound, but then smack their hand away after, that’s not ‘rude’- they’re allowed to do that, especially to signify that they aren’t at that level of trust yet. That's still angsty!

One great example of love from a Black character is doing their partner’s hair, or allowing their partner to do their hair. The ‘Hair-washing’ fic is a common thing in fanfiction; we all understand how that shows the depth of the trust in the relationship between the characters. How would you write about that trust with a Black character, if you don’t know what goes into taking care of their hair? If you don’t even know what their hair looks or feels like? The lack of awareness will show, and what should be a beautiful, deep moment will fall flat for Black readers. I wrote one once for my character with locs, and it honestly made me tear up because I realized that I’d never seen one, at least not in the majority white spaces that the fandoms I was in were.

Think about it- how often have you read a hair-washing fic with a Black character? Was it accurate? Would you know if it was accurate? Have you spoken to or heard anyone Black in your fandom space talk about it? Do you know anyone Black in your fandom space to ask? It’s things like this that we have to consider!

If you have a character that is nonblack in a relationship with your Black character, that honestly reveals even more trust because there’s a long history (again) behind that NOT happening! In life, we can’t go to the same places. I can’t go to a white hair salon or barbershop. They won’t know what to do! People are allowed to go through hair school without learning how to work with different, thicker textures. It’s not right nor fair, but it’s a part of the casual, systemic racism in our lives.

My feelings on what Lestat symbolizes aside, the scene where he plays with Louis’ curls in AMC's IWTV was an intelligent way to show that closeness, and how a nonblack character would affectionately play with a Black character’s hair! How he works with the curl in his fingers, rather than trying to pet Louis or run his fingers through- it was an intelligent move on Sam and Jacob’s part as actors to understand that THAT’S how that would go down!

If you have a character that wants to show a violation of your Black characters’ space, touching/harming our hair is cruelty on a very personal level that will generate an extreme reaction.

Think About Your Character!

When thinking about your Black character’s hairstyle, you need to think about your character themselves! What do they do every day? What are their hobbies? Are they Type A, Type B personality? Do they have a lot of time? Are they always in a rush? Are they noncommittal? Are they self-conscious? Artsy? Serious? Are they in a time period where the means to care for their hair are limited?

People make jokes and comments about how Black women don’t like getting our hair wet and dismiss our concerns. But it’s not out of ‘silliness’ or vanity. What you consider ‘just hair’ may have taken days of planning in advance and HOURS of our time! We put a lot of thought and effort into our hair, and it will easily shatter the illusion for your Black readers if you describe our hair poorly or create an unlikely scenario with it. It’s not a joke!

Some Terms:

Protective styles- a style that allows our hair to ‘rest’ with minimal manipulation

‘Tender-headed’- some people’s scalps are more sensitive to the tightness of styles, so it’ll hurt a little bit more and require some more gentleness (Regardless it’s still going to hurt for a bit after a fresh style)

Bonnets- a silk/satin cap of varying lengths that we wear at night to protect our hair and keep the moisture in

Loc Sock- same idea, but for locs

Durag- keeps short haircuts protected; can even help create the wave pattern that many Black men enjoy

Scarf- same idea as the bonnets, except scarfs can be used specifically for straight hairstyles to wrap them up to keep it straight and neat

(It'll seem real legit if you include your Black characters wearing their headcoverings at night! I remember laughing while reading Twilight because I knew that if Edward snuck into my room at night, he'd see me in my scarf or bonnet lmao.)

General Hair Care:

While I don’t completely agree with some of the advertising in this first one (it’s the internet. Can’t go nowhere without someone trying to hawk something) it’s cool in general to explain how our hair looks the way it does.

If you have Black children OCs, it’s important to consider that their parents have to do their hair, and how that will be its own experience! (It can be very stressful for Black children to get their hair done, as it takes a long time and can be physically uncomfortable. There are plenty of stories of burnt ears and tugged tangles and not very nice old women. Children are children! Keep in mind how they may behave while getting the style of your choice.

Moisturizing to keep healthy

Twist Outs

Cute twist out styles

Twist outs are a style that takes overnight to hold, or maybe even a few days! The cool thing is that the twists themselves can be the style! So the tighter you want their curls to be, the longer they’ll wear the twists in. If you want to describe your character with tighter curls, there needs to be a section of time where their hair remains in the twists! If your character has an event, and they want twists… this needs to be done in advance. Your character will NOT untwist them the day of, unless they want weak, limp curls (or you want the scene to compose of them having weak curls).

How long they'll last depends on the activity of your character! If all they do is work a desk job, or they don’t sweat very much, the twists can last some time! But if they sweat, or wear hats or caps, it’s not going to last long. Maybe a week.

Pros: Very versatile! If you have a character that loves trying new looks and enjoy being spontaneous, twist outs are for them! Easy! If your Black character is younger, or haven’t done their hair before, this is a great way for them to start working with their hair! Doesn’t take long (to do)! If your character is in a rush, and they do their twists, they can go just about anywhere. If they’re not self-conscious, this will be just fine.

Cons: It cannot get wet again, or the style will puff up back into your natural texture. It does not last long enough to say “oh my character went on a two year long fantasy adventure with this style.” If you want your character to have a twist out the whole time, they’re going to have to take time to do it. It would be cool if you incorporate a scene where they’re working on their hair, maybe in the background while everyone’s discussing plans or something. Just a reminder that their hair isn’t just staying magically twisted (unless they have the magic to do that).

Afros

Afro Style Guide, Style Guide for Men (works for any gender though)

Wash & Gos are just that- wash it (or really, condition it, you don’t have to shampoo it every time) dry with a t-shirt (to prevent breakage), put some oil and a light crème on it, fluff it up and you’re good to go! Maybe an hour at max and can be done while getting dressed in the morning!

Pros: Easy! If they’re doing a full, combed out afro, it’s not as simple, it will take more time. And at night it has to be plaited so that it maintains its length, otherwise it will tangle. But other than that, that’s still not all that hard. They can show off their curls! Black characters can and should have pride in their hair. It’s beautiful. This is the opportunity that you as an author can describe the pure texture of their hair, how it shines in the light, how the coils look, how soft it is! Romanticize Black hair the same way you do anyone else’s!

Cons: None really! Afros are wonderful! Just make sure that your character has a way to keep their hair from getting tangled. Just because it’s easy doesn’t mean there’s no maintenance! A pick, a bonnet, oil and water go a long way!

Locs

Five stages of locs

A person who does locs is a loctician.

Can be palm-rolled or interlocked/crocheted

I cannot emphasize enough that you do not want just anyone doing their locs! They can really mess up someone’s hair if they don’t know what they’re doing. I say that to say, for your character, if they don’t trust the person doing their hair… they should. They should not be walking into anyone’s place to get their hair locked; they’d do research first.

The time it takes locs to ‘bud’ (that is, to actually form the loc) depends on the texture of their hair. But it can take up to 3 months to even a year for them to actually ‘loc up’. So if your character just got locs, they’re not going to look neat. They’re going to be frizzy.

As long as they’re washing their hair, keeping it moisturized, and not using wax products (DO NOT HAVE ANY BLACK CHARACTER USE WAX PRODUCTS IT IS BAD FOR BLACK HAIR) it’ll last forever! Locs are incredibly strong, especially the thicker they get! It is recommended that locs are retwisted every six weeks, but if your character has freeform locs, doesn’t have the money or time right now, or they just aren’t that pressed, they can grow indefinitely.

Something cute to write in your stories: sometimes locs do just… fall out. Not the whole thing! But the same way thin hair gets everywhere… sometimes the ends of thin locs just… fall off! You’ll find little buds on the ground. This happens especially in the budding stage.

Pros: Very low daily maintenance! At most they’ll need a bonnet or loc sock, and oil/water mix to spritz and massage in. Strong style that can hold any look- buns, curls, etc. They can be dyed, though it will take a long time to do so. I say that to say, if you want your character to have bright green locs, go for it!!

Cons: Low daily, but HIGH wash day maintenance! So if your character has a fancy date or something to go on, they should not be getting their hair retwisted the same day, or at least not so close to. It’s going to be shiny, oily, and tight, which can cause discomfort. Give them the day to let the hair settle!

Locs are PERMANENT!! This isn’t a bad thing, as much as it is a ‘KNOW WHAT YOU’RE DOING BEFORE YOU DO IT’ thing. Technically they can be combed out, but that would take a very long time and very precise effort, and most people aren’t going through all that. They’re just going to cut them off and start fresh. If you have a character that would balk at such a choice, locs aren’t for them. If you have a character that’s picky and choosy, that likes versatility, that can’t make up their mind, do NOT give them locs unless they’re making the conscious choice to commit. (Again, this is subjective! Maybe they have locs because their mother died and it reminds them of her! Okay! That works!) If you have a character that’s vain, or at least doesn’t like looking awkward… unless they’re going to style up the awkward stage, they’re not going to want locs. (Awkward stage: the first two stages get considered awkward because the locs look messy. This is because they’re turning from curls to locs!)

Braids

Styles

How long braids can take depend on the style. Box braids can take 10-12 hours to do! Microbraids? You HAVE to have multiple people or you'll be there for damn near a day (and that's assuming you have a masterful braider!)

How long they last depend on your character! If they're like me as a kid, I didn't care how I looked, so my mom got me cheap braids and let me run free for two summer months. So if your Black character is a carefree child! Go for it. But if they're a teen or adult (or are very concerned about how they look) a month to six weeks is about how long braids can stay in before your new growth shows. A character that is usually trimmed and proper having loads of new growth over their braids may symbolize that they don’t have it all together anymore.

Pros: Protective style! Great way to let your character have minimal daily maintenance; oil and water and something to cover it. SOME braided styles allow for high activity and even rain without changing. It depends on the hair that’s been braided in, as well as the style. Incredibly versatile! They can have multi-colored braids, long braids, short braids, beads, trinkets… if your character is creative and bubbly and likes to experiment, the sky is the limit! That can symbolize their artistic expression, just by describing what they look like! So long as they have the time, they can have any look and style they want. No need to commit too long.

If your character is capable of doing their own braids (and locs, btw), they’re amazing. Like… that’s mad respect for them. If you describe your character being able to do their own braids, they’ve got amazing arm strength, patience, and skill. That skilled dexterity can be revealed as a trait of theirs through that alone.

Cons: They take a LONG TIME. Your character is not going anywhere. If they’re getting braids… they’re not going anywhere. If you write your character doing anything fancy the day of, depending on the type of braids, Black readers are not going to believe you. Even if it did get finished, it would be very tight. I currently have a poll going on, and so far, a good majority of the 10+ answers are braids! It cost MONEY. It is NOT CHEAP to get braids done! If your character is poor as a church mouse, they will be doing those braids with their friend in front of youtube. Because it can be in the hundreds of dollars. (Don’t get me started on hair culture right now; BACK IN MY DAY IT COST-)

Hairstyles on Black Men

I want to specifically give space and applause to these hairstyles on Black men, because we REALLY don’t give Black men enough credit for all the creativity they show with their hair! And again, with The Killmonger being the choice style in all these damn vidya games despite almost no Black man I know choosing it as a look… PLEASE LOOK! WE HAVE OPTIONS! Try describing how gorgeous these looks can be on your Black men characters! It would be very nice.

Straight Hair

Well, I was going to explain, but ol ‘Guest Writer’ here pretty much lays it all out! So just go ahead and read this article lol.

Just to re-emphasize, straight hair is NOT something that just grows out of our head that way! It takes effort! So if you have a character that doesn’t feel like maintaining straight hair, they shouldn’t have it! If your character has natural hair and lives in a rainy or humid city, they’re going to be fighting that weather to keep it straight- make sure that’s consistent with their personality!

My best friend used to wash and flatiron her hair every day. Like, laser focused on looking that good, Type A shit (she’s a top money banker now, so I guess it worked out). If you have a character like that, it’s fine! If they’re lazy any other time of the day, they’re not suddenly going to be waking up at 5am to flat iron their hair. It’s not consistent.

Conclusion

That’s pretty much what I have! I’m not the guru on all things Black hair, and I obviously cannot encompass every potential scenario you may have for your characters. Really, my intention here is to get you to think about how our hair reflects our character and personalities, and how when you write and/or draw a Black character, you have that ability! And when you’re able to incorporate that naturally, it makes your Black readers feel seen, like you actually cared about that character enough to give them just as much description as your nonblack characters. You don’t have to be a master at it! Just… occasionally the little things that we can go ‘oh, yeah!’ at would be nice. An equivalent effort would be nice.

Remember, it’s the thought that counts, but the action that delivers!

[copperbadge]

Hi, please ignore if this is too personal, but as someone with Jewish ancestors who is considering conversion, I'd love to know your reasons for converting? For me it's more about community and reconnecting with that part of my family (there's a complicated family history there) than about religious belief, but I'm worried that might not be enough of a reason, if you know what I mean?

I don't know, I think conversion to Judaism is hard enough that if you don't have "enough" of a reason, you'll find out -- but I also think that one doesn't have to have a "sufficient" reason to convert to any faith which allows it, just determination and respect. If you want a connection to your ancestors and community, that's a very powerful motivation. And if it's not enough to sustain you through conversion, that's still a huge self-discovery for you, and while some practice should remain closed, you can still connect through things like traditionally Jewish foods and appreciation for Jewish art and culture.

For me, it's not that it's too personal, but it's difficult to vocalize; often when I'm asked about converting there's an assumption that I'm marrying a Jewish person, and when I say no, I usually add, "I just hear a call." Which admittedly is much more often said by Christians joining a ministry, but it's the most truthful I know how to be in short. Something in Judaism speaks to something in me. I have very little Jewish ancestry (although every time the DNA websites reevaluate their calculations it ticks up a percentage point, which is hilarious to me; I'm up from 2% to 6% currently) but the attitude towards the divine, the strength of tradition, the respect for learning, they all speak to my soul.

Even the hard stuff -- content in Torah or Talmud that I find difficult to reconcile with modern sensibility -- is at least something to challenge me, and Judaism is a faith that encourages argument, so I'm allowed to have a critical opinion of it. I think a lot about a quote I read from someone (possibly a reader, if so I am so sorry I can't find your name in my memory) who said, "I keep kosher, but sometimes I eat bacon when I'm mad at G-d." I think a lot about my Methodist confirmation class, where I was almost kicked out because I thought the Parable of the Wedding Feast was stupid and continued to argue against it after, realistically, I should have stopped; if it had been a class for a Bar Mitzvah, we might have been allowed to really examine it instead of glancing across it awkwardly and moving on. (As I found out years later, it was basically about how anyone can be a Christian but Jews should be punished for refusing to convert, so you know. Even as a kid I was very Jewish in my approach to theology and knew anti-Semitic propaganda when I heard it.)

I like that so many of the traditions involve things that I find compelling: bread, fire, water, the written word, the cycle of the harvest. I like that there's a search for truth and precision in Jewish scholarship, and that scholarship often seems to reward a neurodiverse approach to faith and study. As someone committed to philanthropy and versed in radical compassion, the exhortation to care for others baked into every foundational Jewish text is also very attractive. Some of the prayers I find viscerally satisfying (particularly the Traveler's Prayer, for some reason).

I find faith in a single divine entity extremely difficult, but one of the first things that got me to seriously consider Judaism (something I'd already been interested in) was being told that you can be an atheist Jew. To be able to commit to a faith community while still struggling with faith itself feels special to me. Whether a divine entity caused the miracle of the oil we celebrate this time of year is immaterial to me; the beauty of the narrative, the righteous rebellion rewarded with eight nights of light, is enough for me.

I might never finish conversion; realistically while I've done a lot of studying I still haven't worked extensively with a rabbi on a conversion path, and I do not call myself a Jew and won't until I complete conversion (I do observe a lot of the holidays and prayers, but mainly because that's generally advice to converts, so they can understand the demands of the faith and the myriad issues with being Publicly Jewish). But that's fine too; Judaism has been around for thousands of years, it'll wait for me, and if I never convert I'm still enjoying the journey.

[nicklloydnow]

““Dorothy reminds me in so many ways of Toni Morrison,” West said. “You know Toni Morrison is Catholic. Many people do not realize that she is one of the great Catholic writers. Like Flannery O’Connor, she has an incarnational conception of human existence. We Protestants are too individualistic. I think we need to learn from Catholics who are always centered on community.”

(…)

She viewed belief in God as “an intellectual experience that intensifies our perceptions and distances us from an egocentric and predatory life, from ignorance and from the limits of personal satisfactions”—and affirmed her Catholic identity. “I had a moment of crisis on the occasion of Vatican II,” she said. “At the time I had the impression that it was a superficial change, and I suffered greatly from the abolition of Latin, which I saw as the unifying and universal language of the Church.”

Morrison saw a problematic absence of authentic religion in modern art: “It’s not serious—it’s supermarket religion, a spiritual Disneyland of false fear and pleasure.” She lamented that religion is often parodied or simplified, as in “those pretentious bad films in which angels appear as dei ex machina, or of figurative artists who use religious iconography with the sole purpose of creating a scandal.” She admired the work of James Joyce, especially his earlier works, and had a particular affinity for Flannery O’Connor, “a great artist who hasn’t received the attention she deserves.”

What emerges from Morrison’s public discussions of faith is paradoxical Catholicism. Her conception of God is malleable, progressive, and esoteric. She retained a distinct nostalgia for Catholic ritual, and feels the “greatest respect” for those who practice the faith, even if she herself wavered. In a 2015 interview with NPR, Morrison said there was not a “structured” sense of religion in her life at the moment, but “I might be easily seduced to go back to church because I like the controversy as well as the beauty of this particular Pope Francis. He’s very interesting to me.”

Morrison’s Catholic faith—individual and communal, traditional and idiosyncratic—offers a theological structure for her worldview. Her Catholicism illuminates her fiction; in particular, her views of bodies, and the narrative power of stories. An artist, Morrison affirmed, “bears witness.” Her father’s ghost stories, her mother’s spiritual musicality, and her own youthful sense of attraction to Christianity’s “scriptures and its vagueness” led her to conclude it is “a theatrical religion. It says something particularly interesting to black people, and I think it’s part of why they were so available to it. It was the love things that were psychically very important. Nobody could have endured that life in constant rage.” Morrison said it is a sense of “transcending love” that makes “the New Testament . . . so pertinent to black literature—the lamb, the victim, the vulnerable one who does die but nevertheless lives.”

(…)

Morrison is describing a Catholic style of storytelling here, reflected in the various emotional notes of Mass. The religion calls for extremes: solemnity, joy, silence, and exhortation. Such a literary approach is audacious, confident, and necessary, considering Morrison’s broader goals. She rejected the term experimental, clarifying “I am simply trying to recreate something out of an old art form in my books—the something that defines what makes a book ‘black.’”

(…)

Morrison was both storyteller and archivist. Her commitment to history and tradition itself feels Catholic in orientation. She sought to “merge vernacular with the lyric, with the standard, and with the biblical, because it was part of the linguistic heritage of my family, moving up and down the scale, across it, in between it.” When a serious subject came up in family conversation, “it was highly sermonic, highly formalized, biblical in a sense, and easily so. They could move easily into the language of the King James Bible and then back to standard English, and then segue into language that we would call street.”

Language was play and performance; the pivots and turns were “an enhancement for me, not a restriction,” and showed her that “there was an enormous power” in such shifts. Morrison’s attention toward language is inherently religious; by talking about the change from Latin to English Mass as a regrettable shift, she invokes the sense that faith is both content and language; both story and medium.

From her first novel on forward, Morrison appeared intent on forcing us to look at embodied black pain with the full power of language. As a Catholic writer, she wanted us to see the body on the cross; to see its blood, its cuts, its sweat. That corporal sense defines her novel Beloved (1988), perhaps Morrison’s most ambitious, stirring work. “Black people never annihilate evil,” Morrison has said. “They don’t run it out of their neighborhoods, chop it up, or burn it up. They don’t have witch hangings. They accept it. It’s almost like a fourth dimension in their lives.”

(…)

Morrison has said that all of her writing is “about love or its absence.” There must always be one or the other—her characters do not live without ebullience or suffering. “Black women,” Morrison explained, “have held, have been given, you know, the cross. They don’t walk near it. They’re often on it. And they’ve borne that, I think, extremely well.” No character in Morrison’s canon lives the cross as much as Sethe, who even “got a tree on my back” from whipping. Scarred inside and out, she is the living embodiment of bearing witness.

(…)

Morrison’s Catholicism was one of the Passion: of scarred bodies, public execution, and private penance. When Morrison thought of “the infiniteness of time, I get lost in a mixture of dismay and excitement. I sense the order and harmony that suggest an intelligence, and I discover, with a slight shiver, that my own language becomes evangelical.” The more Morrison contemplates the grandness and complexity of life, the more her writing reverts to the Catholic storytelling methods that enthralled her as a child and cultivated her faith. This creates a powerful juxtaposition: a skilled novelist compelled to both abstraction and physicality in her stories. Catholicism, for Morrison, offers a language to connect these differences.

For Morrison, the traits of black language include the “rhythm of a familiar, hand-me-down dignity [that] is pulled along by an accretion of detail displayed in a meandering unremarkableness.” Syntax that is “highly aural” and “parabolic.” The language of Latin Mass—its grandeur, silences, communal participation, coupled with the congregation’s performative resurrection of an ancient tongue—offers a foundation for Morrison’s meticulous appreciation of language.

Her representations of faith—believers, doubters, preachers, heretics, and miracles—are powerful because of her evocative language, and also because she presents them without irony. She took religion seriously. She tended to be self-effacing when describing her own belief, and it feels like an action of humility. In a 2014 interview, she affirmed “I am a Catholic” while explaining her willingness to write with a certain, frank moral clarity in her fiction. Morrison was not being contradictory; she was speaking with nuance. She might have been lapsed in practice, but she was culturally—and therefore socially, morally—Catholic.

The same aesthetics that originally attracted Morrison to Catholicism are revealed in her fiction, despite her wavering of institutional adherence. Her radical approach to the body also makes her the greatest American Catholic writer about race. That one of the finest, most heralded American writers is Catholic—and yet not spoken about as such—demonstrates why the status of lapsed Catholic writers is so essential to understanding American fiction.

A faith charged with sensory detail, performance, and story, Catholicism seeps into these writers’ lives—making it impossible to gauge their moral senses without appreciating how they refract their Catholic pasts. The fiction of lapsed Catholic writers suggests a longing for spiritual meaning and a continued fascination with the language and feeling of faith, absent God or not: a profound struggle that illuminates their stories, and that speaks to their readers.”

[katuschka]

Scene One – Lampshade

Jake Kiszka x f!Reader (1st person narrative)

2.541 words

On my bedside table, I have a beautiful art deco lamp. When my lover leaves, he ties a scarf he wore for days on top. And when he’s gone I let my window open just a bit, the gentle breeze sets the scarf on motion, just like the waves in the tempestuous ocean.  Once or twice, I swear, I could smell him in my dreams.

Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction, intended for adult readers. Any resemblance to real persons is purely coincidental. Also, if you're under 18, go find some other entertainment elsewhere.

Warnings: longing, alcohol consumption, penetrative sex, phone sex and masturbation, sex toys, phantasmagorical dream visions

Taglist

It’s been almost three weeks since I last saw him. I’m trying to convince myself that it’s not that bad, but the truth is that I always start missing him the moment he leaves. It’s a bittersweet feeling. I’m a grown, independent woman, engaging in my daily routines...or breaking them, just to stay sane. 

But, it feels as if a part of my soul got attached to him. It travels with him wherever he goes and I feel it tugging at my insides every now and then. At first I thought it was just a side effect of the early stages of falling in love. I believed that it would get easier with time, but it never did. If anything, it only got worse. 

It’s bearable during the day. My mind’s too preoccupied with my job, thank god. It’s not really much different from when he’s here. I still have my work to do and he’s busy too, until we finally meet at home to share a glass of wine or two. And then we fuck.

That’s why early evenings are the worst when he’s away. The house is just too big, too quiet, and my mind too restless. No sound of the strings being plucked greets me when I get home, no smell of savory dishes waiting for me in the oven or on the stove. I’m too lazy to do it myself, so I just order in, only to be reproached by him later that I’m not taking proper care of myself. My lover does all these things. My body’s spoiled with constant hugs and my cheeks peppered with warm kisses. So, on days like these, this is what his lady misses. 

He knows that, so he tries to call anytime he can. It’s easier in between shows. He makes sure to call me around eight, even when it’s already 3 am where he’s at. Him being a night owl, this has never been a problem. Sometimes it’s just a quick hello to make sure I’m ok. Other times we talk for hours. 

I didn’t expect anything like that today. He might call late or not at all. Probably not at all because today’s show was too important. He wanted me there, but I couldn’t go this time. I had an important project to finish and came home pleasantly exhausted. In a perfect world, we would celebrate our respective achievements together, but this world is not perfect, so I have to content myself with the fact that he is. 

Well, not really, but I wouldn’t change a thing about him. 

So, I just poured myself a glass of wine, climbed in bed early and tried to read, only to find myself checking the Instagram updates constantly. I don’t do it very often, because I’m not really keen on seeing hundreds of women swooning over him, but someone might be streaming the show, and I just couldn’t miss it. 

Before he left, he fastened his scarf on my lampshade. That little piece of fabric is basically marinated in his scent – his strong, yet religiously comforting cologne mixed with the warm smell of him. I made sure to leave both the bedroom door and the window open, to create a slight draft. After three weeks, the scent had already faded a bit, but I still could get whiffs of him while falling asleep. Just like today. The livestream I found ended mid-show, but I wasn’t really paying attention anymore. I could feel my eyelids getting heavy long before the concert ended and without even bothering to turn off the light, I fell asleep with my phone still in my hand. 

Except I couldn’t sleep. The thunderstorm in the distance and the billowing wind kept me awake. The sky was clear when I went to bed, so I couldn’t understand where the clouds came from. It didn’t matter anyway. 

He was here. In my bed, sleeping. The intoxicating scent of clove and incense mixed with his musk wrapped around me like a second comfort blanket. The bedside lamp illuminated his disheveled hair and the clothes he had carelessly thrown over the armchair next to the bed. He was naked and all of the sudden, so was I.

It was our bedroom…and it wasn’t. The southern wall was gone, exposing us to the elements outside. Our garden turned to a stony shore, with the waves of a rough sea crashing upon it. Somewhere in the distance, I could see the storm raging.

I was feeling snug under the blanket, the warmth he elicited sheltering me from everything else around. I reached out to touch him. His skin was warm and dry and I snuggled closer to him from behind, inhaling the comforting aroma of his relaxed, sleeping body. 

He never slept much. Sometimes I wondered how he could function after yet another sleepless night, and the dark circles under his eyes often worried me. But when he did fall asleep, he looked like a baby boy, his full lips slightly parted and his brows turned upwards. A man of paradoxes. He would fuck my brains out just moments after he spoon-fed me pistachio ice-cream. My doe-eyed barbarian. A romantic adventure, but a reptile too. Always offering something new. Just like the sky outside, with the full moon now illuminating the stormy sky. Where did it come from? It was hanging there in mid-air in front of the clouds, so big, so close it seemed that I could reach it with my fingers if I just stepped outside of the room. 

But I didn’t want to. Instead, I slowly swirled around him like a serpent. I could feel him stir, his body responding to mine. It was a silent dialogue. He turned to me and pushed my chin upwards to nuzzle the soft skin behind my left earlobe. I could hear him murmur a prayer, the words of which I didn’t recognize, but I understood it anyway. I could feel his hand travel slowly down my belly, pulling my thighs apart, his palm sliding gently to my pussy and his middle finger slipping in between my folds. It’s been too long… My body reacted immediately. I arched my back and gasped for air as his moistened fingertip glided over my clit in slow circles. He kissed my shoulder and I could feel his parted lips stretch in a smile before he nibbled lightly on my skin covered with goosebumps.

He spread my thighs even more, like the petals of a blooming flower. I felt the weight of his body on mine as he shifted, obscuring my view, silencing the wind, his porcelain face dimming all the celestial lights behind him. He was coming home. 

I cried out when he entered me, grabbing pillows on both sides of my head. He, too, yelped like a puppy, laying his head on my bosom just for a while, to gain his composure. I felt every exhale of his quickened breath on my skin, and enveloped his body with my limbs in a false promise to never let go. 

He started moving inside me and I felt absolutely lightheaded, as if we were floating in an empty void. It got darker with each deep, long thrust until time and space around us disappeared and the only thing that tethered me to reality was the rhythm of his beating heart and the alluring sounds of his raspy moans. We moved together languidly, drunk in love, and the waves of pleasure running through my body intensified with each passing second. My fingernails dug into his skin…so deep until he suddenly stiffened and screamed in pain right next to left ear…

…nooo…at first I couldn’t tell where I was or who I was until the sound of my phone ringing on the pillow next to my head slowly brought me back to reality. I couldn’t believe it. What? Why? I looked at the screen and saw the name of the only person whom I could forgive for calling me right fucking now!

“Jake? Oh, for fuck’s sake,” I breathed out. 

A moment of silence before the man on the other side responded. I must have sounded pre-t-t-y irritated. “Babe? Did I wake you up?” 

Of course you did. What day is it? Oh yeah, it was slowly coming back to me. Madison Square Garden… “What time is it?” I breathed out.

“Almost one am here, your midnight. We just arrived at the hotel a moment ago, I haven’t even had a shower yet, I just had to hear…”

“Urgh,” I interrupted him with a groan, not in a reaction to what he said. My still not fully awakened body was just fighting with my mind as I tried to sit. I was still slightly disoriented and my coochie weeped. “I, uhm, I’m sorry baby. I just had a very intense erotic dream…the first one in years. And you just happened to interrupt it at the worst possible moment.”

“Oh, daamn!” he chuckled. “Who’s the lucky guy?”

“Not funny Jake. No one else but you could ever make me this wet. The sheets below me are literally soaked through.” I heard him inhale sharply on the other side. It took him a few more seconds to respond. “You’re wet?” It sounded a bit like a stifled groan, followed by him clearing his throat. Poor Jake, he was so taken aback by my response that Oliver had to take over. “Thaths probably because I was absolu-te-ly on fire tonight, my love! Telepathy must be one of my many superior powers. Now I need to clean the mess…”

“What do you mean?”

“Phone sex, obviously.” 

I laughed. Nah, I’m not a fan. I love his voice, don’t get me wrong, but it couldn’t possibly make up for all the stuff that my subconsciousness flooded my brain with just a moment ago. Also, I’ve always found the idea of phone sex strangely disconcerting. We could do the most obscene stuff face to face without even batting an eye, but to be describing to him how I’m touching myself? No, thank you. I’d be embarrassed. Don’t know why. That’s just how it is, And that’s what I told him.  

“Oh come on, let’s try it.” Jake was back. “Besides, it’s a mutual obligation now. I’m already hard.” 

I rolled my eyes and took a deep breath. “Ok Jake,” I crooned monotonously, “what are you wearing?” 

“Oh GOD!” he moaned theatrically. “You sound so sexy when you’re bored. Mmmmm.”

I laughed again, in earnest. “Sorry,” I chuckled. “Ok, let’s try it. But I’m not going to describe what I’m doing. You tell me what to do.”

“Deal.”

I heard his sheets rustle as he shifted on his bed, which meant he already had me on speaker, so I did the same. I adjusted the pillows, stripped off my babydoll and tried to find a comfortable position. “Ok Jake, I’m ready.”

“Good girl. Now, close your eyes and cup your breasts. Let your thumbs draw slow circles around your nipples. No pressure.” His voice suddenly sounded huskier than before. 

“Are you jerking off?” And then I heard it. The unmistakable sound of his fist sliding rhythmically up and down his cock. Of course he was. 

“You can’t blame me sweetheart,” he breathed out. “I got here, still full of adrenaline from the show, only to hear you tell me that I was fucking you in your dreams. I couldn’t wait any longer.” 

The sound of his heavy breath made my pelvic muscles contract and my heartbeat quicken. I licked my fingertips and let my hand slide between my legs, trying to ease the ache. “Talk to me Jake. Forget the nipples. Guide my fingers.”

“Who’s impatient now?” He let out an involuntary moan, swallowed harshly and continued: “Squeeze your clit between two fingers, scissor-like. Now rub from side to side and gently pull.”

I knew what he meant. His technique was completely different from mine and effective in its own way. I never tried to recreate it before. I did now, and it all suddenly came back to me. The dream, his touch, his dick, stretching me, fucking me, our loins dancing together to the rhythm of our heartbeats…

“Not enough,” I whined. “I need more, Jake.”

“Ok, time for Mini Me.”

That was yet another thing my lover did for me. We found a company that makes custom dildos using castings of real customers. Now, a cold piece of silicone can never compete with the real jake, but it was the next best thing whenever I needed to release the tension after a long day. I loved the shape of it. It was mine. I opened the drawer and reached for the toy. “Now what?”

“Ride me,” he groaned. 

“How am I supp…”

“Let’s pretend we fell off the bed.”

“What?”

“Off the bed! Now!” he commanded. I climbed off the bed and attached the dildo to the wooden floor. “Mini Me’s ready. What now?”

“Now sit.”

I did as I was told. I got on my knees, placed the tip between my folds and slowly slid all the way down. Our roles reversed for a brief moment as I was now guiding him through. I heard him spit into his palm and groan with relief. It was his time to take the reins again. “Move,” he rasped. “Grab your hips and pretend it’s me. Set the pace, but tell me.”

I started moving my hips in a slow, sensual rhythm, while whispering up and down and up and down to him. I was now close to my bedside table, the fragrant scarf only a few feet from me. I closed my eyes. The illusion was almost perfect. 

“That’s my girl,” he moaned. “Do you want to go faster?”

“No, this is fine.”

“Ok, continue baby. Let me hear you.”

We continued like that for several minutes, eyes closed, listening to each other. I could hear that he was close as his low moans turned to high-pitched whimpers. My thighs started shaking and I had to catch hold of the bedside table to ease the tension in my legs. I opened my eyes and that’s when I saw it. The multi coloured lampshade. As I was moving, so were the colorful lights before my eyes. It was like being there, under the stage lights, as I was listening to my man. The most beautiful song. It overwhelmed my senses and I came, screaming. From the haze of my own high, I heard him finish shortly afterwards. 

I wanted to hear every detail of his show, and he wanted to know about my project, but we were both already too exhausted, so he promised to call me again in the morning. I knew he would, because that’s what my lover does. 

@its-interesting-van-kleep @takenbythemadness @edgingthedarkness @writingcold @ignite-my-fire @klarxtr @jakekiszkasbuttsweat @fleet-of-fiction @lvnterninthenight @myownparadise96 @GVFstuddedmajesty @josh-iamyour-mama @jazzyfigz @sanguinebats @thewritingbeforesunrise

[croziers-compass]

Summary Notes of Terror Camp 2023 (9.12.23)

(A small summary of notes and references I took during Terror Camp Day One)

Erasure of Sailors of Colour in Arctic Exploration!!! Needs to be explored much more. JEAMS Fitz-James Fitzjames - w'ont put his apostrophes in the back of words. Capitalising Letters where you would Not usually capitalise them is like Italics. it is Emphasis in speech when written.

These jokes are getting Auld. (If you know you know)

Most things were phonetically written.

WOAHOO!!! - James Thompson

Relic? Or Artefact?

Semiophore - Objects regarded in a given community as carries of meaning.

Walpole is a little fucked in opinion. (imo)

Dundy was awful at spelling. Worse than Goodsir.

Capitalists should really look into Thomas Holloway

Everyone knows and loves Snarfin' On Them Ribs Saturday Man Proposes, God Disposes

Lady Jane was offended.

Hudson Bay Speedrun - Let Curiosity be your Compass

James Knight does not girlboss but he thinks he does.

A Ship Called The Whalebone Roald was both an asshole but good at what he did.

The Raft of the Medusa - We knew where that was going.

Johnathan Miles is a Horse Girl

Foreshadowing of the Cannibalism and Mutiny

HOOSH

History is a Panopticon They were just people... (Also a Note. I am worried that a lot of the fandom thinks that the concept of a Panopticon originates from TMA and that it was a TMA reference. It was not. I am wondering now if the TMA listeners know who Jeremy Bentham is.)

Cultural Understandings

IceBound Not Down - I did not take a lot of notes on Professor Hester Blum's panel. I was far too invested to write and when it was over I realised I had not made any notes. She was incredible. I loved her narratives very much. I would love to get her book. It is on my list! You would have had to have been there. It was wonderful. Not News: Dan Simmons is a wee fuckboy. We have established this a lot. He also establishes this for us. (?) Umlaqtalik - There is a boat there.

Imperialism is a disease.

How to read Ethically!

Some of my Notes from the Panel with Paul Ready and Nive Nielsen:

"You can hear a smile in a recording" - Nive Nielsen

Paul "I am not an expert on Anything" Ready

He is so very attached to Goodsir. Goodsir is very much a part of him. Hearing him talk about how integrated Goodsir is to himself was wonderful.

"I think we need more Goodsirs in the world."

Nive and her impressive education on the importance of indigenous representation and how that impacted her. How her voice as not only an actor but an Indigenous Actor was taken with such respect and was given the space to allow for respectful and creative extrapolation on the Set.

A small Note in my book that says: Oh goodness me he is hideously beautiful. I cannot stand how beautiful he really is. Oh my goodness.

"Nothing is good or bad. Just the potential to be." - Nive Nielsen - Terror Camp 2023

Nive: All Humans are good at picking up sincerity.

Goodsir would have hated Hickey.

"Ah. Would you look at that. Dead with my ass carved up." - Paul Ready

Nive: You cannot kill people or let people die because everything is connected and you do not know how that will effect your future. You have to depend on each other. So when there was conflict you had to solve it with as little violence as possible.

A very Important Book Nive Nielsen had spoken about!

You can get a copy on Thriftbooks of "Give Me My Father's Body" by Kenn Harper Here

I had an incredible amount of fun during this event. I am so excited for tomorrow. What notes you are seeing here are just references to part of the panels and some side comments I had made between all of my other more detailed notes. There was so much to be had and so much that we saw and heard. The speakers were incredible and each individual was incredibly dedicated to their impressive Art and Passion. It truly showed. As Nive said: You can hear a smile in a recording". I feel as if this applies to every one of the speakers and all of the panels we had the pleasure to enjoy today.

I have more detailed notes in my journal which, of course, you can see I scrawled a lot in. I had amassed about seven whole pages worth in that time. So to type them all would be just simple a task I cannot do. But I am open to discussions regarding how everything was if you did not get to attend it! Also Terror Camp has a wonderful setup available for you to explore the other avenues that they have presented on their website. So please do go check that you if you are interested! I cannot wait to do this tomorrow with my fellow Shipmates. Thank you so much for everyone that put together @terrorcamp. I am quite excited for tomorrow!

With much love and saltwater kisses,

Second Leftenant in heart and spirit,

-Wilbur E. F. C.

[waffowo]

Doctor Who and The Pirates is genuinely the most important audio to understand the 6th Doctor (same as how The Mysterious Planet and Attack Of The Cybermen are) and Evelyn and also why the Evelyn-6th Doctor arc should be essential when following Colin Bakers era.

The audio itself is genuinely a very great piece on the therapeutic nature of art and how it is used (externally and internally) as a means to convey trauma and communicate it to others. Yet it is also fantastic in showing why Evelyn and 6th are so great. The fact that they went through such lengths to help Sally or Evelyn’s continuous attempts to plead with Sally while trying not to give into her despair are such great moments.

It’s the audio that alongside The Mysterious Planet shows what kind of character the 6th Doctor is. In The Mysterious Planet, you can tell that the tension between Peri and 6th has simmered a lot and also, his attitudes towards the planet are genuinely respectful and underrated (with respect to showing positive qualities of the 6th Doctor). In Doctor Who and The Pirates, it’s a display of his growth that he has been undergoing since Attack Of The Cybermen and Trial Of A Time Lord, it’s a logical character progression that couldn’t be seen in the show due to studio interference. It’s one of the best displays of the characters kindness yet showing how he still retains past traits such as his arrogance or ego. You can tell that he isn’t perfect but he he definitely is struggling and trying to be more outwardly “nice” to other people.

And from that, it also demonstrates why the 6th-Evelyn arc should be essential consumption for the Colin Baker era (occurs after Trial). Trial Of A Timelord already ends narratively inconclusively in how it ends with the implication that 6th sends Mel back and more time will pass before he actually meets her. Time And The Rani begins with the Doctor already having spent time with Mel, and thus the Evelyn-6th arc is a good filler for that gap inbetween.

But not just that, people say that the audios “fix” 6th but that isn’t true. Of course I agree that they improve 6th, but that’s because it expands upon what was already there. It doesn’t retcon or rewrite, it offers a direct logical character path from the writing already present! In fact, the 6th Doctor is clearly still learning from Evelyn despite the fact that the arc feels akin to an “endgame” to his character which is really cool.

I chose this audio over let’s say, Project: Lazarus, Jubilee or Arrangements For War because it so clearly exemplifies all of these aforementioned traits. Colin Baker isn’t proving himself more so affirming his position as THE Doctor. He’s eccentric, standoffish and arrogant but also incredibly kind. He’s what Moffat has been conveying (successfully in both cases) about how The Doctor is at his core, in spite of all his flaws, someone who tries to be kind, and I think that’s beautiful.

Also you can listen to this on Spotify SO

[gallavichfanficlibrary]

any recs for fics with unique formats/elements (non-linear narrative, second pov, epistolary, etc) and fics with flowery language / good prose ? hope this makes sense lol

thanks for the work you do on the blog, i hope you have a great day!

Hi, this is a very interesting ask! We love unusual elements in stories and tried to put together some very different examples. Hope you have a great day too and happy reading 💕📖

what the night does to the day - Ian and Mickey have been best friends since childhood. Sometimes things just fit together perfectly.

Thicker Than Forget - Ian is a poet. Mickey is his recently-corporal muse. They eat an absurd amount of stupidly named ice cream, try to find beauty in things, and fall hopelessly in love.

Suncatcher - He grins. “Maybe, but you still wanna find out if it’s true.”

Unsent - Five emails that sit in drafts for over a year. One reply.

and all the moments in between - When people look back at the past, they're only seeing the standout moments, never the whole fucking picture.

a lot like love - Ian wants more than what Mickey is offering. Mickey doesn’t believe he deserves to be loved.

Minutes - A moment of life post S5, canon divergent.

There is no me (without you) - An exploration of Ian and Mickey's respective insecurities and past trauma as we follow them through a tough couple of weeks as newlyweds.

the sun, chasing the moon - Ian waits for Mickey.

The Art of Maintaining Moral Ambiguity - AU in which Mickey was raised in a shitty New Jersey beach town and Ian just wanted to see the ocean.

Postcards From Mexico - Everyone likes getting postcards.

Chapter 8: Hey Mick - A letter from Ian to Mickey in juvie (set between seasons 1 and 2).

The Buzz Under His Skin - Ian's manic thoughts, set in early S4 after he runs away.

[ohgaylor]

IT MUST BE EXHAUSTING (AN ANALYSIS)

Hi. Taylor’s the problem. And she knows it. (affectionate)

All right friends. It’s time to dive into an analysis again. I’ve been reflecting on a lot of Midnights and Taylor’s ever-present self-deprecation this era and in my regular fashion, I had to make an extremely long-winded analysis post about a certain motif of hers that I’ve noticed has only grown more apparent this time around. and essentially that is her self-awareness toward her ever-ambiguous signaling in regard to her identity, and where she is positioned in the complicated and delicate journey of coming out, as well as the plethora of emotions that surround that for both herself and her fans and those of us who pick up on the queer coded subtext of her music and art.

to kick off this analysis, may I remind you of this beauty of a quote from Taylor’s 2018 reputation tour pride speech that prefaced Delicate?

I want to send my love and respect to everybody who in their journey and in their life hasn't yet felt comfortable enough to come out ... and may you do that on your own time and may we end up with a world where everyone can live and love equally and no one has to be afraid to say how they feel. When it comes to feelings and when it comes to love and searching for someone to spend your whole life with, it’s all just really really delicate.

That is quite possibly my favorite thing she’s ever said. and what inspired this tag.

Now I need to clarify up front — I am never insinuating a need or even desire for Taylor to come out. Because that’s not our place to say. If you’ve been around my blog long enough, I would hope that nuance would be apparent. I simply point out regular motifs and patterns within her art and how it correlates with queer-coded themes of closets, of almost coming out, of outright queer coding, of rainbows, of keeping a love secret and safe, and on and on and on. The signs are there if you know what to look for (re: “I gave so many signs”) and that’s what I explore on my blog. The point is, I will never demand she come out. But I will stand with her in this complex journey she appears to be on. It’s entirely her journey and however she wishes to navigate that is hers to decide.

but that doesn’t detract from the reality that for those of us who see this beautiful queer subtext of her art and music and visuals and work and self, the ambiguity and constant back-and-forth when it comes to her identity (and the idea of coming out) can in fact be a lot to try and process and understand and ultimately to reconcile as we root for her. Trying to understand where she stands is much like chasing a moving target. (not that she owes any explanation to us, because again, she doesn’t.) her art and creativity are her place of expression and catharsis. however, watching her navigate these complexities and trying to root for her in this sometimes messy space is also, dare I say, exhausting.

hence, the title and general theme of this analysis.

so let’s begin.

First, we have this verse in Anti-Hero which is the perfect setup to illustrate this specific motif,

I should not be left to my own devices They come with prices and vices I end up in crises Tale as old as time

This is essentially the thesis of Taylor’s message, the feeling that her own judgement and actions might be the very cause for certain crises she finds herself in, however enticing those vices and choices may be. In choosing to straddle a glass-closeted lifestyle as an artist at her status and level of fame, all the while heavily queer-coding to her (receptive) audiences, only to be seen by most others as the hallmark of straight women as per her highly publicized bearding, juggling this all can be overwhelming. But it’s also a space that she has essentially curated and perpetuated herself.

An anti-hero is a central character in a narrative who conspicuously lacks heroic, moral qualities:

Although antiheroes may sometimes perform actions that are morally correct, it is not always for the right reasons, often acting primarily out of self-interest or in ways that defy conventional ethical codes.

Identifying herself as the anti-hero in this sense comes as a candid confession, as though she is admitting that maybe she is driven by self-interest. (which again, she is entitled to as we all are in our own lives.) (re: the jokes weren’t funny, I took the money, my friends at home don’t know what to say) Alternatively, and perhaps additionally, acting out of self-interest in this context may mean concealment of parts of her identity for the sake of self-preservation. The nuances behind why she hasn’t chosen to come out are at play here and I doubt any of us can fully comprehend what that is exactly.

I never had the courage of my convictions, as long as danger is near

Pouring out my heart to a stranger but I didn’t pour the whiskey

Combat, I'm ready for combat. I say I don't want that, but what if I do? 'Cause cruelty wins in the movies. I've got a hundred thrown-out speeches I almost said to you … Dark side, I search for your dark side. But what if I'm alright, right, right, right here?

You can easily grasp the intense oscillation as she goes back and forth between these decisions while juggling a myriad of reasons and factors, all of which are incredibly weighted. She knows it’s exhausting for us because it’s that much more exhausting for herself.

So, she elects to pursue a route all too familiar to closeted individuals in the public eye, one of bearding and concealing their identity.

I had some tricks up my sleeve … Perched in the dark, telling all the rich folks anything they wanna hear, like it could be love, I could be the way forward, only if they pay for it … the skeletons in both our closets plotted hard to fuck this up

I took the money. My friends from home don't know what to say.

The cost at which this lifestyle comes is worthy of an analysis all on its own. But Taylor seems to be indicating that she has found safety and security in her self-made cages and closets of sorts.

I prefer hiding in plain sight

‘Cause shade never made anybody less gay

If the shoe fits, walk in it 'til your high heels break

My town was a wasteland, full of cages, full of fences*, pageant queens and big pretenders. But for some, it was paradise.

In the darkest little paradise

(also, note the *fences. I’ll come back to that later.)

She brings focus to the fact that her town was full of cages and fences, which initially may carry a negative connotation. But here’s where she turns it around and says that for some, it was place of paradise, that the self-made cages brought security and freedom. That the idea of “forever” is in fact the sweetest con. That the good life she was hustling for through the tricks she had up her sleeve is within grasp. That this could be the way forward. Tell me that doesn’t scream a queer-coded experience?

But knowing Taylor and the complicated nature of this deeply personal topic, there is also a level of remorse regarding the said-cages and choices that had put her in crisis.

I cut off my nose just to spite my face, then hate my reflection for years and years

I’ve got a hundred thrown out speeches I almost said to you

I’d pay if you’d just know me

Now, despite the way she has managed to remain glass-closeted, a large subset of her fans and the general public completely miss what she is signaling in regard to her queerness. (re: “I gave so many signs / you didn’t even see the signs”) but it appears she is feeling some remorse for the devices she’s used and the way she’s navigated things because she knows that she’ll be the one paying for it.

So again, Taylor fully acknowledges she’s the problem. She endlessly dances around the topic, sometimes to an extreme (re: “bent the truth too far tonight,” Bettygate and specifying a male perspective despite widespread interpretation of the alternative; similar thing with Lavendergate, etc etc) She writes from “male perspectives” so as to have a way to write female pronouns. She uses pseudonyms for similar motives. She equates herself with gay pride and places herself adjacent to the community repeatedly, and dances in Gaylor Park and rainbow kaleidoscopes. She dresses in rainbow attire and gives speeches emphasizing the delicacy of coming out and on and on, all while also remaining straight-passing. It’s complicated and messy and indeed exhausting.

sending signals to be double-crossed

I’ll stare directly at the sun but never in the mirror. It must be exhausting always rooting for the anti-hero

no doubt these devices and choices have come at a cost. first, the personal cost of remaining closeted (or in the very least, glass closeted) by her own making. The nature by which she has driven her career, of “taking the money” and pursuing a career (and by extension, following heteronormative cultural standards of remaining closeted), all point to the self-made cages she twists in.

recall the Delicate pride speech…

I want to send my love and respect to everybody who in their journey and in their life hasn't yet felt comfortable enough to come out ... and may you do that on your own time

That is a major theme for her. The idea that through a closeted state, certain freedoms can coexist.

We know Taylor has made a point to emphasize the comfort she has found in keeping elements of her life to herself post her apocalyptic summer. And the way she has largely receded her personal life from the public eye is telling. In an effort to protect the “real stuff”, she is withholding from others and has found safety in that.

Privacy sign on the door and on my page and on the whole world, romance is not dead if you keep it just yours.

She knows it’s not always a world that some would choose to be a part of. She describes it as a wasteland, likely desolate, harkening back to cowboy like me. A place where hustling for the good life, perching in the dark as con artists (or pageant queens and big pretenders) and telling all the rich folks anything they want to hear like “it could be love” is all too familiar.

It’s a painful dichotomy she fully explores in The Archer, recognizing that maybe it’s her lot in life to straddle these lines of staying where she is, perched in the dark, while wanting to step into the daylight and let it go.

and that’s where the second cost comes in — in how those of us who see her for what she is signaling herself to be, are ultimately left to ourselves to make sense of it.

It’s the same kind of essence of this fantastic analysis regarding coney island and her apology of not making us certain subsets of her fans and communities her centerfold.

Being left to her own devices, she has ultimately crafted a duplicitous persona, of which she has spoken about specifically when discussing mirrorball…

Everybody else feels like they have to be on for certain people. You have to be different versions of yourself for different people. Different versions at work, different versions around friends, different versions of yourself around different friends. Different version of yourself around family. Everybody has to be duplicitous, or feels that they have to in some ways, be duplicitous. And that’s part of the human experience, but it’s also exhausting. You kind of learn that every one of us has the ability to become a shape-shifter. But what does that do to us?

Is it self-preservation? Or self-made self-destruction? (re: “they told me all of my cages were mental” “what a shame she’s fucked in the head” “lost in the labyrinth of my mind”)

Among the various anxieties that plague her in regard to this subject, Taylor makes one fear very clear. And that is for some inevitable day where we will leave her after we’ve had enough of “her scheming”.

'Cause they see right through me, they see right through me, they see right through. Can you see right through me?

I wake up screaming from dreaming One day I'll watch as you're leaving 'Cause you got tired of my scheming For the last time

These desperate prayers of a cursed man spilling out to you for free, but darling, darling, please, you wouldn't take my word for it if you knew who was talking if you knew where I was walking

Will you forgive my soul when you're too wise to trust me and too old to care?

She will get as close as she can to the topic, (“Gay pride… everything that makes me me!” to name just one) only to pull back or leave it ambiguous and devoid of clarity…

I'll stare directly at the sun but never in the mirror

And I cut off my nose just to spite my face Then I hate my reflection for years and years

…only to feel guilt for skirting around the topic…

You said I was freeloading … I bent the truth too far tonight, I was dancing around, dancing around it … Your picket fence is sharp as knives, I was dancing around, dancing around it

This to me is the a significant price that comes from her being left to her own devices. Yes, there is freedom that comes from closeting/bearding. But glass closeting brings a more painful mess of emotions for both the closet-er and those seeing it for what it is. This is what she addresses in Anti-Hero with painful clarity.

And sometimes this can come at a painful cost. Take YNTCD for example. In this video, she positions herself within the queer community, dancing in Gaylor Park, and boldly declares herself an advocate for LGBTQIA rights.

But as we know, the video was met by many as out-of-touch (re: “freeloading”), performative and whatever else critics were spewing.

motion capture put me in a bad light. I replay my footsteps on each stepping stone, trying to find the one where I went wrong. writing letters addressed to the fire

Now for a detour.

I want to talk about the purple / blue / lavender glitter for a minute. Here, in the Directors on Directors interview, Taylor describes the glitter as being a metaphor for herself...

It’s supposed to be a metaphor for like, I bleed glitter, I’m not normal, there’s something wrong with me, I’m not a person, I don’t belong, I don’t fit in anywhere.

Recall how I said chasing a moving target?

Let’s talk about the significance of this scene and a handful of others in terms of the lavender glitter.

[For some queer context regarding glitter]

I’d first like to point out Hayley Kiyoko’s purple glitter jacket above, from the YNTCD video. This is Hayley Kiyoko we’re talking about. The proclaimed Lesbian Jesus. And in this moment, while she is wearing the purple glitter jacket, she is aiming an arrow at a target, signifying The Archer. This moment is key.

And then you have the Miss Americana documentary, wherein Taylor explicitly equates herself with gay pride, while talking about the Me! music video.

It’s a line of dialogue that screams at me with such intensity. Irrefutable. As a film editor, I know that every line in a film is deliberately placed and thought out and meticulously addressed. And therefore we can trust that Taylor intended for this line to make it into the film. I can tell that surrounding dialogue is seemingly trimmed and crafted in a delicate way. And part of that is the very direct statement that “Gay pride…everything that makes me, me!”

And it’s within this music video that we again witness a massive “ME!” literally jumping out at us on screen, in none other than purple glitter.

A handful of others could sense that the conclusion of Miss Americana felt as thought it was headed in a different direction than the one it ultimately took. And that for whatever reason, Taylor’s political advocacy took center stage while a deeper analysis regarding her LGBTQIA advocacy did not.

Cut back to the Anti-Hero music video where we get The Archer aiming right for Taylor, and striking her, causing her to bleed, yet again, purple glitter.

Pierced through the heart but never killed… did you hear my covert narcissism I disguise as altruism, like some kind of congressman

My covert (secret) narcissism (ME!) I disguise as altruism like some kind of congressman (the political turn and advocacy present in Miss Americana)

In other words, covering up who she is (“gay pride… everything that makes me me!”) under the guise of a film almost exclusively focused on her journey of discovering her political (“Vote for me for everything” pin) activist voice. And what scene depicts this with near precision???

this one.

motion capture put me in a bad light. I replay my footsteps on each stepping stone, trying to find the one where I went wrong. writing letters addressed to the fire

'cause cruelty wins in the movies, I've got a hundred thrown-out speeches I almost said to you

The subsequent look on her face of absentminded agony says it all. She knows the confusion that comes from rooting for her as (especially if she is seen as an ally who maybe crosses one too many lines if presumably as straight.)

The inner-turmoil on display for us in The Archer has transformed into a tone all too exhausted in its own right within Anti-Hero. She knows we’re tired. She’s tired too. In a self-deprecating jab, she admits that she is the problem and she knows that everybody ultimately agrees with her on this. Shielded within a pop anthem, her vulnerability is on display. And so, in Dear Reader, with equal parts desperation as well as wit, she concludes…

You should find another guiding light, guiding light. But I shine so bright.

And so it is ultimately within this utterly messy, exhausting, complicated, ever-changing and nuanced journey that Taylor reaches out to those of us who do in fact see through her and who ultimately simply see her, that she asks us in all sincerity…

Who could stay? Who could stay? Who could stay? You could stay.

And I, for one, will stay.

[enjoy my other analyses here]

[leantailean]

Hiiii I love your art!! Sorry if you’ve been asked this before and I didn’t see it but wanted to hear a brief reason why you ship Toko- I respect that ship for sure and see a bit of the appeal but would love to know about more of the depth of it that you see (and I can see in your art!) but haven’t really gotten to feel first hand yet. Thank you!! Plz keep making your gorgeous gorgeous art !!

Hi! Thank you for your question, and i really happy you like my art🖤Sorry for a late answer.

I have answered to some similar questions in the several previous posts (You can find them with "we need to talk about toko") but, in short, I really believe that toko is a beautiful ship, that could be working in canon on several levels:

- Symbolism. In many mythologies Sun (or fire) means masculine force, while Earth means Feminine force. There is also a beautiful symbol of unavoidable meeting of sun and earth (dawn) and unavoidable farewell (sunset).

- Similar experience. Out of all gaang Toph and Zuko are the only ones who share the similar experience. They both are from elitist rich families who grew in a complete isolation from all the world. Both were abused by parents, both needed to face the fact that their families never treated them like human beings with actual personality and were ashamed of them. Both have vision disability, and both know that people judge them by their appearance, but not by their merit or personality.

- A lot of narrative parallels. Their alter-egos Blind Bandit/Blue Spirit are narrative parallels. They both needed a mask to get a glimpse of freedom and mind and action, to escape the influence of their families and class. And they both were guided by egoistic interest unlike another parallel masked characters (Kuzon/Painted Lady) that were following altruistic purposes.

Connection with uncle Iroh. Out of all gaang members only Toph got a special scene with uncle Iroh, and Iroh even compare her to Zuko.

Toph leaves her home for the avatar, and Zuko, who wants to return home but in the end does the same: breaks up with his family to join the avatar.

- Their personalities. They both are stubborn, emotionally closed, persistent. They both can be egocentric, and can concentrate only on their own pain and goal, but in the end they'll always be the ones who is going to help others. Their traumas made them suspicious, and very introverted, not trusting others. They aren't talkative, bad at making new friends, and sure that only person they can rely on is themselves. But regardless of all that, deep down they are sensitive, have a lot of hidden pain, and even share some feeling of guilt and shame.

Their relationship could be healing for both of them. They have a big potential to become more then just friends to each other and heal each other's pain. They also counterbalance each other in many things. Toph is rational, have a foundation so to speak. while Zuko is impulsive and never think things through. Toph has that basic rationality that Zuko lacks.

This is very short account of why Toph and Zuko, in my opinion, are perfect for each other. I believe they aren't just a ship, but a pair that can work perfectly in the possible post-show canon.

toko by toktobis

[darkestprompts]

Honestly, I'm so split on DD2 backstories. On one hand, there's like the plague doctor and grave robber, who I want to still characterize as people who don't really regret their past-- and maybe even are a bit proud of it. on the other hand, I saw the ending cutscene of DD2 and really thought it was kind of a beautiful message about hope and redemption and all that, and it would be nice to keep them aligned with that overall narrative. But on the other other hand, I feel like it's just undeniable that (from DD1 characterizations) some heroes just aren't looking for redemption. Though, maybe they're still looking for hope to move forward?

I just keep going around in circles like this trying to decide if I like the way DD2 handled the backstories or not :/

Will admit though, the art and animation fucks severely in DD2.

See, I kind of agree. You may be shocked, since I harange so much about its negative effects now, but the overarching plot and theme of DD2 was one of the main draws for me when it first launched. I read the magazine interviews and I adored the idea that after reaching into the corrupt heart of the world we had to find hope, because that's the meaningful message for our times. Fuck yeah it is!

The problem is that it was clumsly handled and it weakened the indivitual characters' narratives while providing a fairly bland by-the-book heroic narrative. And for that end? You didn't need all that bullshit with the backstories changing. This is something I wanted to address during the rewrites (SORRY I'VE BEEN VERY TIRED LATELY AND CAN'T WRITE SO WELL AUDREY WILL COME OUT EVENTUALLY) but here's a spoiler for y'all: there's a simple way to make Face Your Failures fit for everyone regardless of their personal motivations.

Make DD2 a definite sequel.

Make it so every hero participates in the failure that was the attempt to stop the Heart of Darkness. Make the world breaking a direct result of the blood spilled on Hamlet soil. Make them hunted by the Cult because it already knows them.

Force them to go from ironic "heroes", in the sense that they were called that as an incentive to throw themselves into an useless meatgrinder, to real heroes, that seize their fate and try to find a solution on their own. Make them clean up the mess that, even though wasn't their fault, is now their responsiblity.

Even if they were horrible people, even if they are still flawed and unrepenting. It doesn't matter if they are the right people or not, their failure tore the world apart and now they will be the ones to fix it. That's how you respect the characters' individuality while keeping an unifying theme.

And yeah, honestly, if people complain about the art change in DD2 by now I'm straight up making fun of them in public because that shit fucks severely.

[torgawl]

there's so many connections tying the moon, seelies and the jinn, but more concretely between the goddess of flowers and guizhong!!! by connections i mean they always appear associated with the moon and one another. as i was reading through the lore attempting to gather some of the moments these ties could be drawn, i ended up noticing other patterns that seemed to fit a similar narrative with other entitites as well. it quickly transformed into a post about the sun and moon symbolism in genshin. although i'm probably missing a lot of things, this is what i found while reading in-game information.

"records of the gallant"

this book is a compilation of stories and legends of many knight-errants in liyue, the second volume specifically is very obviously about guizhong. the association starts with the title “dust”, as she was the god of dust, and goes on to her description as “a maiden in a long indigo robe”, which matches perfectly her appearance. she is very often connected with the night time and the moon, and in this specific instance with seelies as well. seelies are described specifically as having had “beautiful physical forms and (…) great wisdom” in the past in the book “records of jueyun”. this book also talks about the seelie ancestor who once met a traveller from afar with whom they swore an oath of union in the presence of the three moon sisters before disaster struck and they were punished. both seelies and the moon are, throughout the game, always hand-in-hand with each other when it comes to symbolism and references and moments with guizhong like this one are no exception. i think it’s relevant to mention that at the end of the tale when this maiden disappears, the only thing left is a pile of dust mirroring guizhong’s “death”. dust in genshin can easily be tied to life (specifically as the base of all life) through albedo and rhinedottir who, consequently, are connected to khaenri’ah and the art of khemia – one of the factors behind the fall of the nation.

memory of dust

memory of dust is a stone dumbbell gifted to zhongli by guizhong and its description is about one of their conversations. guizhong standed among a field of glaze lilies, flower associated with her, as she talks about humans and compares them to dust.

this scene also includes an allusion to her death with guizhong dissolving into dust and with her, the glaze lilies disappearing.

glaze lilies are said to transform the memories of the land into its fragrance during florescence and legend has it that the flower will open at the sound of pure, beautiful music. the interesting thing about this flower is that it only blossoms during the night time, being this way indirectly connected with the moon. this excerpt or circumstances are very reminiscent to another character in this game, nabu malikata, also known as the goddess of flowers.

the goddess of flowers

the goddess of flowers is very likely to have been a survivor of the seelie race, if not the seelie ancestor herself. this was revealed through us by an aranara, arama, who said “there was once a survivor of that race seelie deep within the golden desert who was friends with queen aranyani and the ruler of valuka”. queen aranyani and the ruler of valuka are titles given to greater lord rukkedhevatta and king deshret, respectively, and, as we know, they were both really close to nabu malikata. the goddess of flowers was also said to have horns by nilou, whose head piece is inspired in this detail, and when traveler sees her in liloupar’s memories they describe her appearance as being "ineffably beautiful”, comparable to "the totality of her jinn". all these characteristics are also associated with seelies.

the “flower of paradise lost” artifact set tells a lot of the story of the goddess of flower. the flower piece tells the story of how she was cast aside by the heavens and her kinship was punished by being stripped away of their minds just like what happened to the seelies and their ancestor, confirming her identity.  

she was said to wander for a long time, her wounds gushing streams that transformed into gardens of which blue water lilies sprouted. lilies those that originated jinn, a mystical race of elemental spirits considered, just like seelies, creatures of wisdom. the goddess of flowers was also said to make purple flowers bloom wherever she stopped, more specifically padisarahs. much like glaze lilies and guizhong, padisarahs also went extinct after the goddess of flowers’ death.

nilotpala lotus

the one other flower that resembles the glaze lilies is the nilotpala lotus. they also only bloom at night and in its description, we learn of their connection to the three moon sisters.

although the moon sisters perished after the same disaster that struck the seelie ancestor and the solar chariot (that created the chasm with its fall), the flowers turned to serve a new master yet the nilotpala lotus continues to remember those happy days of the past. something interesting regarding the name niloptala is that it refers to "blue lotus" or "blue lily" and represents one of the several "attributes" or "accessories" of a deity commonly seen depicted in hindu iconography, defined according to texts dealing with arts and crafts, known as shilpa shastras. i think it’s pretty logical to parallel these flowers, that grow in the forest wetlands in sumeru, to guizhong, someone very known for her mechanisms and who is deeply tied to blue lilies.

goddess of flowers and king deshret

a long time ago, the goddess of flowers, king deshret and greater lord rukkedhevata were all very close friends who looked over sumeru (any resemblance to the liyue consortium is pure coincidence, or not). “flower of paradise lost” continues to tell the story of the gof and contains the depiction of what happened that led to king deshret obtaining forbidden knowledge. through king deshret's aspirations, she saw the possibility to transcend the absurd shackles that governed this world (heavenly principles) and so she helped him in his goal, leading to her sacrifice and consequent death. she is said to have turned into dust in the “vourukasha's glow” artifact set, once again paralleling guizhong.

she once again refers the punishment casted upon the seelie race by the heavens, warning king deshret of the consequences his actions may have. the most interesting thing to me in this passage is the fact she is depicted as being “wreathed in darkness” when guiding deshret towards discovering “all there was to know about the skies and the abyss”; this and the fact she could foresee future events. it actually makes a lot of sense as nabu (who shares a name with her) is an ancient mesopotamian god of literacy, the rational arts, scribes, and wisdom (can you see the pattern?) whose name means "enlightened" or "prophet". she reminds me a lot of sibylla, who met king remus “below the abyssal depths”. knowledge beyond what the heavens allow seems to be connected multiple times to the abyss. this comparison with sibylla gains even more strength when, in the same artifact set, she tells deshret “you seek but to chain the winds. upon the tombstone of divinity shall humanity become the god of gods”. this was also remus’ goal, something he strived for so much that he was willing to ignore prophecies of disaster as long as he could attempt to break the chains of fate.

oasis garden's mourning

this ascencion material with the image of a flower in the center tells us the goddess of flowers and king deshret built ay-khanoum together, also known as “city of the moon maidens”, for the jinn. it’s this material that tells us padisarahs went extinct after the gof’s death and that these gem discs lost their original “glad purpose”, much like what happened to the padisarahs as depicted in the artifact set mentioned earlier. yet, there’s another version of this story told in “the shepherd and the magic bottle”. in this book (told by a jinn) it’s believed that king deshret learned about the jinn's story as well as the story of the “dismal moon and the driving morning star” (likely connected to the seelie ancestor, the three moon sisters and the solar chariot) after capturing them and, afterwards, built ay-khanoum as a gift to commemorate them; in return, the jinn built the entrance to the mausoleum of king deshret. according to liloupar, deshret had deceived the jinn to gain their servitude, telling them that the goddess of flowers had not perished but was instead locked in a deep slumber in the orchard of pairidaeza (created by deshret as a cemetery for the gof), and that he could awaken her with the jinn's aid. there’s an interesting detail in “the shepherd and the magic bottle” where the jinni says that at the end of the city of the moon maiden’s play “everything was reduced to dust”.

sun and moon dichotomy

guizhong’s color is, as referenced earlier, blue like the moon. whenever there’s a deity associated with the moon or the moon-sisters (gof and guizhong) there’s also one that symbolizes the sun (deshret and zhongli), usually coming to form a duo. this traces back all the way back to the solar and moon chariot, their gods and the disaster that led to their separation. it’s interesting to note the fall of the solar chariot, as i mentioned earlier, was what led to the creation of the chasm. although according to what we have access in game the text implies this entity to be different from zhongli, there’s actually a lot of things tying him or creating that parallel between him and the sun or the sun god (who might have been a shade of phanes). we can also consider traveler and paimon as another example of this constant duality within the story, as the traveler is almost literally the morning star and paimon is symbolically connected to the moon and seelies too.

“before sun and moon”, that tells the story of enkanomiya, includes an interesting parable.

this parable clearly references the sakura tree in inazuma’s story but it also intertwines with the heavens and the entities related to the primordial one. tokoyo ookami is istaroth and she’s referred to as the king’s priest. if the king is the primordial one then it makes sense the king’s gardener would be another of the shades. it’s hard to interpret some text when everything is told in metaphors and sometimes information isn’t actually that reliable but the concept of love here reminded me of the solar and moon chariot as well as the seelie ancestor and traveler from afar from the kingdom of light (descriptions in “records of jueyun” and “the pale princess and the six pygmies”). it’s also a bit impossible to read of a tree spirit heavily linked to time and planted by the heavens and not think about irminsul. this concept of gardener or protector of the tree is also somewhat recurrent and can be linked to sibylla as well, a prophetess.

the triquetra has a lot of different meanings but it’s usually connected with three goddesses, three sun positions or three moon phases. another item that has a triquetra on it is mora, that also can be used for alchemy and transmutations. we also know mora was, at least in the beginning, created from morax’s own body so it’s interesting this symbol appears in the coins. “earth is where the alchemy gets its name” and the art of khemia (alchemy from khaenri’ah) literally meaning “art of black earth” in chinese also seem to point to a connection between the terms.

khaenri’ah connections

guizhong had a particular interest in mechanics: the guizhong ballista was one of her handiworks, built with the aid of the adepti, and she apparently collected khaenri'ah technology such as ruin machines for research. as i mentioned before in regards to her (god of dust) “death”, dust can easily be connected with both the art of khemia and concepts such as birth and life. as albedo says: “soil and chalk, the universe and earth, pure dust and the birth of human life”.

in the hidden palace of guizang formula domain, the challenge called voyage to the sanguine sky has the description: "this is the realm of clouds. guizhong, its former ruler, acquired several ancient and evil artifacts during her research into mechanics. the adepti created this realm to contain them." curiously, the fight in this domain is against two ruin guards and a ruin hunter. guizhong was presumably researching khaenri'ahn technology before she died in the archon war. considering ruin guards didn't start wondering teyvat until after the cataclysm, we can propose a question of how exactly she got them. mentioning remus again, the golems he created with the souls of his people within the golden ichor are hinted to be what referenced khaenri’ah to create ruin machines. the link between having the want to defy the heavens and the fall of nations is something we’re already aware, but the way these nations or people connect with each other is also very consistent.

“perinheri”, a book very obviously about khaenri’ah during the crimson moon dynasty, was the talk of the town for multiple reasons but one of the surprises in it was the mention to deus auri (zhongli) by angelica. her nation was defeated by deus auri but she refused to submit to the new god. the orphanage in khaenri’ah – that ties itself with the house of the hearth – seems to have collected children that could classify as descenders, looking for some sort of potential. khaenri’ah anticipated the arrival of "beings who could transcend the gods" and this seems to relate to the concept presented to us during one of sumeru’s archon quests that the traveler’s twin isn’t a descender despite traveler being considered one. it also fits rene’s description of a descender being those with “wills that can rival an entire world”. i can’t make a connection between these concepts but zhongli’s mention is definitely intriguing.  

deshret was depicted in genshin animations as an 8-pointed star and the speculated door to khaenri’ah, below sumeru, also has the same star on it. there's two stars that could be in association to this symbol, the star of lakshmi and the star of ishtar. in both cases, the 8-pointed star is associated with the goddess venus, who was worshipped as a symbol of fertility and love. the star can be seen as a representation of the eight phases of venus, which includes her appearances as the morning and evening star.

lakshmi ('she who leads to one's goal') is one of the principal goddesses in hinduism. she’s associated with maya (illusion) and along with parvati and saraswati she forms the tridevi of hindu goddesses. the tridevi are considered consorts and auxiliary deities to the more eminent masculine trimurti gods (brahma, shiva and vishnu).  saraswati is the goddess of learning, arts, and music, and the consort of brahma, the creator; lakshmi is the goddess of fortune, fertility, light, and material and spiritual fulfillment, and consort of vishnu, the preserver; and parvati is the goddess of power, war, beauty, and love. she is the consort of shiva, the destroyer of evil.

lakshmi, as his consort and divine energy, accompanied vishnu whenever he descended on earth as an avatar; she's the supreme goddess in the sect and assists vishnu to create, protect, and transform the universe. lakshami is associated with the lotus flowers, in reference to spirit liberation, and her iconography also depicts her with four hands, representing the four aspects of human life important to hindu culture: dharma (moral values), kama (pleasure), artha (prosperity), and moksha (final liberation, humanity’s ultimate goal).

the tridevi are the manifestations of mahadevi, the supreme goddess and the primordial power behind the creation of the universe (creator and destroyer). all hindu gods and goddesses are considered to be manifestations of mahadevi and she’s known by many names, some translating to ‘she who is primordial matter’, ‘the great illusion’, ‘the life force in all beings’, ‘she who is supreme knowledge’, ‘she who transcends the universe’, and ‘she who destroys’. mahadevi's is also called ‘night of death’ and ‘she who is death’, reinforcing her destructive nature.

the star of ishtar or or star of inanna is usually used in association with the heavens and is specifically connected to the planet venus. the eight-pointed star is sometimes shown alongside the crescent moon, which was the symbol of sin (god of the moon) and the rayed solar disk, which was a symbol of shamash (god of the sun). the morning star may have been conceived as a male deity who presided over the arts of war and the evening star may have been conceived as a female deity who presided over the arts of love.

inanna (or ishtar) is an ancient goddess of love, war, and fertility and her primary title was "the queen of heaven". many of her myths involve her taking over the domains of other deities. she was believed to have been given the mes, which represented all positive and negative aspects of civilization, by enki, the god of wisdom. she apparently took over the eanna temple from the god of the sky, an. alongside her twin brother utu, inanna was the enforcer of divine justice. in the standard version of the epic of gilgamesh, ishtar asks gilgamesh to become her consort. when he disdainfully refuses, she unleashes the bull of heaven, resulting in the death of gilgamesh’s friend, who has a subsequent grapple with his own mortality. inanna's most famous myth is the story of her descent into and return from the ancient mesopotamian underworld, ruled by her older sister ereshkigal. after she reaches the throne room, the seven judges of the underworld (whose function was to decree the fates of humanity) deem her guilty and strike her dead. three days later, someone pleads with all the gods to bring inanna back. all of them refuse, except enki, who sends two beings to rescue inanna. they escort inanna out of the underworld but the guardians of the underworld drag her husband down there as replacement. he is eventually permitted to return to heaven for half the year, while his sister remains in the underworld for the other half, resulting in the cycle of the seasons.

as genshin is a bit of a cocktail when it comes to mythology and any historical references, it’s hard to say if the stories of ishtar or lakshami can even be a straightforward parallel to the higher beings in genshin. but i think if there’s one thing to take from everything so far is that there’s a very meaningful recurrence of trios or the number three (e.g. triquetra, three moon sisters, evil trinity), as well as the constant appearance of sun and moon elements together and dependent of one another (either in regards to their roles or their personal connections), the sun always being the masculine and the moon always being the feminine. we know there was a time in which these elements co-existed together in heaven, although they seem to be fated/doomed to separate from one another (the tragedies referenced in this post being an example of that).

enkanomiya

there are three very interesting achievements with interesting names you get in enkanomiya. one is kairos' constancy, and is the one you get from completing time trial challenges. kairos, as we already know, is one of istaroth’s (god of time) names. this name is based on the greek god kairos, the god of moments. the other two achievements, which also have greek names, are hesperus' boons, for opening chests, and phosphoros' guidance, for following seelies. if these are names of deities with close relations to phanes or at least celestia, as it would make sense because it would follow the pattern for istaroth, then would it be that out-of-pocket to think these might be the names of the other shades or of the moon sisters? phosphorus (bearer of light, often translated as lucifer) is the god of the planet venus in its appearance as the morning star. hesperus (son of dawn), on another hand, is the evening star. (planet venus in the evening). venus, as mentioned before, relates to the eight-pointed star and we know this shape is also used as the symbol of istaroth in enkanomiya (light realm sygil).

which, by the way, are used in hilichurl camps. the hilichurl camp in front of the thousand wind temple in mondstadt was already a hint that they worshiped istaroth but i think it’s safe to say that with certainty. it’s just curious that they don’t really recognize the archons, thinking of the elements as that which is deserving of worshiping, yet recognize (at least one of) a shade of phanes. the name istaroth is derived from astaroth, one of the three demons in the "evil trinity" alongside beelzebub and lucifer, connecting istaroth and the morning star once again.

i don't plan to drag this any longer as this is already way too long but to finish it off, and summarising these ideas: i'd say the one of the biggest patterns present in the game is the constant mention of entities in heaven seemingly converging into the duality of sun and moon, the moon sisters and the sun god. i haven't properly dwelled on this to come to a any sort of definite idea but there’s too many details creating a consistent pattern for my brain to disregard these ties as non-intentional. obviously, all these characters i have mentioned throughout the post aren’t going to all be the same handful of beings, and that’s not what i’m trying to say, but i do believe the repetition of the same themes has meaning. maybe the same way mahadevi manifested herself as three other feminine gods who worked together with male deities, the heavenly principles or phanes also created the shades as a manifestation of the sun and the moon. or maybe ishtar, alongside utu as enforcers of divine justice, taking over the god of the sky's (ishtar's father) temple could mirror the twins and their journey. maybe kairos, phosphorus and hesperus are indeed the moon sisters or even shades of the primordial one. maybe guizhong isn't meant to be more than a parallel to other entities, but maybe she was truly more than what was originally presented. i don't think it's impossible that even if she isn't one of the big figures - goddess of flowers or a moon sister - that she could have originated from one or be related to one (nabu malikata having seelies as her people and jinni or khvarena as her daughters). similarly to how venti is hinted to have originated from istaroth (as he was originally "a single thread of the thousand winds", istaroth's title). or perhaps not. regardless, it’s fun to notice that many theories in the fandom sort of intertwine together to make a fuller picture based on scattered information across the game. i'm not sure if i'll go more in-depth regarding some of these "theories" as there's still a lot to expand but i hope all of this made at least a little bit of sense. thank you for reading this far!

[hinamie]

I shall make you lonely no longer. How did you find out about jjk and ship itafushi? Ur art is scrumptious btw

A !!! hello !!! and thank u so much both fr the enrichment and for the lovely words <3

re: my introduction to jjk honestly i can't exactly remember but think it was either a close online friend or my ex who mentioned hey theres this cool anime coming up i think it wld be up ur alley and i went o ! i will look ! so i DID and i saw the trailer i heard fuckin EVE saw i yuuji on that train bathed in blues and reds with sukuna's markings flashing over his face with the passing lights and it altered my brain chemistry and i have not looked back

as for itafushi i think it snuck up on me because hides face in shame tbh megumi was a character that I didn't like right away, it took a minute for him 2 grow on me ... i was very ambivalent towards him at the start, even leaning slightly towards the negative side of ambivalence bc his Type usually isn't the kind of char i gravitate towards,,, but IN MY DEFENSE I HAVE PULLED A COMPLETE 180 i have seen the error of my ways he now lives in my house in my brain in my heart i hold him so dear to me,,, n listen ik that the Tropes that he n yuuji occupy (genki protag/stoic voice of reason) are nothing new but they do it SO WELL n once i started rly paying attention to how the two of them bounce off of each other n are just very complementary (both in their positive and negative traits) as a duo i was like im_in_danger.gif

like from the jump their introduction to each other goes from zero to I Will Endanger Myself For You SO fuckin fast n i eat that. delicious. ALSO im fresh off season 2 like a year late but the episode that has them fighting alongside each other had me kicking and screaming re: how seamlessly they work tgt and navigate around each others' fighting styles and GO D i wish i was more articulate beyond just . points helplessly. those r my kids and i love them and i wish they could stop being so goddamn doomed by the narrative,,,, they r both insane and unhinged and suicidal self destructive maniacs but they care fr each other so much n respect each other so earnestly and i think thats beautiful :3

[shizuostrans]

Which artist do you think portrays Shizuo the closest to your vision of the character? Thank you and have a nice day!

ooooh this is a good question. there are a lot of amazing designs for him that call to me as shizuo on different levels and that’s the beauty of art! i could go on and on about each manga artist’s portrayals of him and fanartists’ unique art styles and how one captures the best warm smile or scowl or hair tufts or sad brown eyes to me. there’s just. so much to love.

but i'm too shy to tag my fave fanartists and the shizuo i see when i think about him has been yasuda for a long time.

i have beef with how he developed several of his other designs but to me he far and away does the best job at bringing narita’s description of shizuo to life. i've seen a lot argument over narita’s design choice (that i'm not sure how much is genuine?) but each passage written about his appearance is filled with intention and it shapes and means the world to me. :)

bc beyond his height everything about him screams and should scream Most Normal Guy Ever.

even how he presents himself is said to make him appear like he’s playing dress up as someone imposing than actually being imposing. and that’s the kicker. once he’s seen in action he goes from being an unassuming person that anyone with the slightest bit of fighting prowess believes they can take out to the most terrifying person in the room for the exact same reason.

suddenly those traits that make him no different than the next guy become the traits that place him Starkly Outside Normalcy. every part of his design is etched with purpose. he’s lanky without visible muscle bc his body and power and character brute force past logic, he wears sunglasses to hide how soft his eyes are remarked to be, his bleached hair and bartender getup come from those he respects and he uses them all to create an identity to warn others off bc nothing else about him does UNTIL he makes it known how out of the mold of conventionality a freak of nature like him is. then everything clicks into place.

unrelated but it’s not mentioned in the anime that shizuo’s anime-typical vein throbbing is an uncanny phenomenon remarked on by various characters with izaya even saying most would think it’s due to a medical condition which is such a hilarious creative choice that i love to bits.

narita put SO much thought into his character design to the point where every facet of it is tied into his narrative and even slight alterations can detract from that. it makes every one really resonate with me and you can feel that attention to detail that yasuda does with shizuo too. any artist that incorporates all those components into their design of him care for him and his character a great deal which has had the most impactful effect on me. and that amount of care is almost impossible to replicate beyond the artist who was first tasked with drawing him.

(satorigi akiyo is a very close second tho. yasuda is obviously more limited in the amount he draws but she gives shizuo a greater range of expressions even for the same emotion and honestly yasuda walked so she could run in every other capacity but i can not and will not forgive her for giving shizuo blue eyes.)

[androidboy]

Hey I would earnestly love some DC recommendations! I'm a little out of my depth and I respect the wisdom of a comic shop employee.

I loved the whole Scott Snyder run of Batman, probably my favorite so far. I was recommended the Tynion IV run (by a cute guy at the Vault of Midnight shop in Detroit), liked what Fear State had to say. I recently finished reading the Catwoman (2011-2016) Vol. 5 - Race of Thieves graphic novel (found it in a LFL!), liked the narrative focus on gaslighting. Also, the Penguin is my favorite villain; I love the organized crime stories.

Also also with the utmost platonicism I must inform you that yeah, you are adorable. It makes total sense that you're breaking hearts all over the local comix community.

take my hand and let me lead you into the world off the tracks of main runs

recommendations that i have not personally read but are shop favorites and probably up your alley:

gotham city year one- written by tom king who’s one of the biggest writers in comics right now. story of the crime that sent gotham spiraling into the city of villains it became

catwoman lonely city- beautiful art and story by cliff chiang, gotham without batman has been cleaned up and a “reformed” selina kyle starts picking at the city’s old wounds

personal recommendations:

human target by tom king- very much a crime noir femme fatale whodunnit. a man whose career is being a body double for people in danger of being assassinated has finally taken a hit he can’t survive. 12 issue series, he has 12 days to figure out who killed him and whether or not it was him they were trying to kill

supergirl woman of tomorrow- beautiful beautiful story of supergirl deciding to accompany a girl on her revenge mission to track down and kill the man who killed her father and having to deal with witnessing the destruction he leaves behind on every planet he lands on

dark knights of steel- fun story about the justice league in a high fantasy setting. assassinations, questions about identity, royal politics and betrayals, harley quinn as an actual jester, batman as a knight with lil bat ears on his helmet

batman: one bad day- the riddler- not a FAVORITE per say but an interesting look at the riddler and how one bad day can push someone past the point of return and if batman can bend without breaking when a villain goes off script

stuck with recent releases and popular characters for this one, hopefully a couple of them sounds like something you can dive into

and thank youu 😘