#but I see more people saying that therapy isn't a solution to problems than I see people saying it will cure your poverty or whatever

[autisticchangeling]

We don’t need to pit therapy and better social support (higher wages, universal basic income, etc) against each other. We should want both.

Like, I think UBI would solve a lot of problems, and also I think therapy should be more accessible for more people. These are not mutually exclusive, and neither is a solution for the other - therapy can’t solve poverty, and better social support will not eliminate the need for mental health support.

[foone]

on "that sounds like me, do I have ADHD?"

So a thing about ADHD (and probably all mental illnesses, but especially ADHD) is that it doesn't really have any hyper-specific symptoms. Like, it's not like you get ADHD and your elbow turns green, which only happens with ADHD.

ADHD describes a bunch of symptoms, some with shared origins, some which might have different origins, but the important thing to remember is that you can have all those symptoms for reasons other than ADHD.

Time blindness? it can happen to anyone because you got caught up in something. being unable to sit still? it can be caused by any number of physical (and mental!) things, not just ADHD. unable to concentrate? that can happen because of chronic pain, depression, brain fogginess, etc.

So the important thing to remember is that if you see someone (like me) ranting about their ADHD experience, if you identify with that situation, it doesn't necessarily mean you have ADHD.

You might have depression (monopolar or bipolar). or be autistic. or some forms of OCD. or have chronic pain.

Now, by all means, go to a doctor, talk about these symptoms, get tested, get medicated, get therapy, whatever! I'm just saying that you shouldn't jump to ADHD as a definite diagnosis.

ADHD is definitely one of those diagnosis where we drew a circle around some symptoms and said "this is ADHD", if there's no other reason to have those symptoms. Like, if you take a person and keep them awake for 36 hours and feed them a ton of coffee they'll probably act very "ADHD", but it doesn't really mean you need to put them on adderal, even if they're showing a lot of the symptoms of ADHD. You should look for other solutions to their problem, like letting them get some sleep and cutting the caffeine.

And the same is true with ADHD. All the symptoms of ADHD are things that you can have for a bunch of other reasons, many of which can be treated (and treated better!) in other ways.

Depression is a good example: Depressed people can have executive dysfunction issues, trouble concentrating, poor planning, difficulty in finishing things. Would giving them stimulants (like Adderal and Ritalin) help? Maybe somewhat... but it wouldn't help the underlying depression problem! Getting therapy and antidepressants is likely going to be much more effective, since you're treating the condition that is causing the ADHD symptoms. (and if those symptoms don't go away when the depression is cured/managed, maybe they also need stimulants!).

ANYWAY to sum up: Don't worry too much if you see someone with ADHD complaining about something that they do because of ADHD and you go "that's just like me". ADHD isn't that kind of condition, just because you have one or several of the symptoms doesn't mean you have it, you could easily have something else that causes the same or similar symptoms.

And finally: This isn't meant as a thinly-veiled "don't self-diagnose" rant. You go ahead and self-diagnose all you want. I'm just saying that you should consider other possibilities before ADHD, because it may be more effective and easier to treat those conditions than to treat ADHD. (And I say that whether you're self-diagnosing or talking to a doctor: Hopefully your doctor is well-informed enough to know there is a lot of overlap between symptoms, and will ask about other possibilities )

[thatbitchery]

Jordan Peterson says there's a pandemic of 'careless therapy' in the west and I fully agree. The idea is most psychology and psychiatry practices especially in the west are married by the early 70s *You Are Okay Just The Way You Are* flimsy surface level self esteem boost bullshit that isn't helping anyone. Why is this even important - it is absolute bs. The amount of people that I have known to be in therapy for YEARS and the only thing that changes is their self concept is actually scary, because western therapists are taught in the Wokeism bs of self affirming pumped up dumb ideologies that do not help.

You pay for problem solving.

The reason you pay someone is to solve a problem you have, not just diagnose it. Yes your therapist telling you you have PTSD is good for you yay now you have a name for it BUT if they don't tell you how to deal with it what was the point of the diagnosis?? Nothing has changed you still suffer you just have a name for it. Most of you will talk to me about *I started going to therapy* and the only thing you do in that little room is talking about your past- what's the point??? You already know your past, if they are not giving you solutions wrap it up and find a therapist that actually knows what they are doing and isnt marred by the egoistical western approach to life of me myself and. Even back in uni my Psychology professors were the most careless of the bunch, trying so hard to not get canceled soieting around things that actually affect life trying to reinforce the idea that all you need is to believe in yourself. Everyone that doesn't agree with you is toxic and you should be able to scream at your parents and bosses and get away with it because you have a right to opinion- I even skipped those classes. Took me changing my therapist 4 times to land to my now realistic stoic therapist that actually tells you the truth (she's in her late 50s, so maybe there's that).

If the people you are paying to solve your problems are not telling you how to solve those problems- you fire them. If your therapist is sounding like something a 15 year old tiktoker would say you fire them and find your money's worth. If your money is on the table you get solutions. Knowing you have daddy issues is great- now how do you deal with that? Will they give you practical solutions to do on your days to day basis?? Do these solutions make sense in a realistic POV?? Does your therapist telling you you should be able to express yourself so shouting at your mom when you live in her house is okay make sense to you??? Is it even realistic?? She is trying to not lose her license so she'll tell you what she needs to say to keep it, but if it's not helping you what's the point?? It's not like it's 10£ that you can just burn is it??

If you do not see actual tangible results that are not only in your head in two months you fire them and move on. It's crazy how everyone in my dms has a therapist but doesn't know how to deal with things so simple because all you do is sit in a cozy little room for an hour and talk about your past. Its YOUR past you already know it what's the point of paying all that to trauma dump when you can do it online for free??

Mentorship is the ONLY space you can go home without seeing results because it's free. You do not pay your mentor and you should be grateful for their time. When it comes to everyone else, your money on the table means results. If you've had a life coach for more than two months and you can not see real time tangible results you fire them and find another, that's wasting your money and time. Felling good will not make you a millionaire will it? If your dietician doesn't hand you a meal plan within your budget that gives you results in two months you fire them.

Results. And feelings are not results. *I feel better about myself now and understand where my pain is coming from* good for you, now what. What's next. Now what??? How is that helpful. *I'm okay I'm just autistic* good for you I know the relief of finding out you are not the problem, your brain is . Now what. What next. How will you live with that and still achieve your goals?? Whats next?

This is why in my books,Behavioral Therapy (CBT / DBT) are the most practical forms of therapy. Actual solutions. Actual tools for your day to day living. Not just talking and diagnosing (these are helpful yes) but actual solutions that work. How will knowing you have CPTSD help if you do not have the tools to deal with it? What's the point??) it's just a name.

Careless psychology is a pandemic, and a waste of time, money and energy. If you do not have actual tangible real time solutions in a month fire them and hire a stoic life coach. It's better.

Solutions. That's what money is for- buying solutions.

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I've been trying to put into words this frustration of mine for a while, and I think I've finally got it figured out:

So! Israel is built on genocide! And that's certainly not a good thing. You can try to argue about whether or not Jewish people are indigenous to the land (though I won't get into that whole argument here), but there's no denying the fact this country was built on blood. Lives were lost and people were banished. Therefore, us Israelis are deemed colonizers for living here. Is it false? No, not necessarily. Is colonialism okay or justifiable? Of course not! However, the way people have used this as an excuse to dehumanise us Israelis is absolutely disgusting.

Western leftists have this mindset that we should either be sent "back to where we came from" (and by that they mean countries we have never been to in our lives and just so happen to have ancestral ties to), or that we should be eradicated. Because it's easy to see these groups of people you don't know as simply blank NPCs, or a hivemind. I've had an online friend of mine tell me that there's this level of dissociation when you aren't the one going through it, and that a lot of times it takes having someone you know suffer that fate to go "oh shit, REAL PEOPLE are going through that", and I think the problem stems from the fact so many of the people who insist on being involved in this conflict don't actually have Israeli (or Palestinian, for that matter) friends to tell them what it's like to be living through this nightmare. We're faceless and nameless, which leads to dehumanisation and demonization.

It is a universal fact that no human is the same, everyone's life is valuable and unique. Everyone has something to bring to the table, and something like the country you were born in is inconsequential to how good or bad of a person you are. Unless, of course, you're an Israeli. That means you're nothing more than a filthy colonizer. That means you're a part of an evil hivemind being led by an evil government (yes, Israel's government is horrible WHICH IS WHY WE'VE BEEN PROTESTING AGAINST IT FOR MONTHS NOW). That means you've done wrong merely by existing.

I'm certainly going to offend some people with this comparison, but in my opinion telling an Israeli to simply deport is not much unlike telling a queer person to go to conversion therapy. It's obviously not the same thing, but just like you aren't able to get rid of someone's gender or sexuality, you aren't able to get rid of someone's heritage. Simply sending us away won't magically make everything better, believe it or not (I won't get into it in this post, but know that there will be no Palestinian utopia under Hamas rule, as Hamas actively harms the people of Palestine too). We won't just forget about Israel and keep living like nothing happened. We have lives here. We have friends and family we'd be separated from. Most of us won't simply be able to adjust to a new country we don't even know the language of. And if you think the solution is to kill us all... I don't even know what to say to you at this point. Is being attached to the place you were born in truly such a horrible crime? You can argue we deserve it for being colonizers, but it's not like we chose to be born here. Which leads to my next point:

The global left is used to everything wrong being a mindset. Homophobes, racists, sexists; all of those are not something people are born as, rather something they've been lead to believe. Something that can be fixed by teaching them better and having them unlearn their ways. So when faced with the fact that being an Israeli isn't something which can be reversed, leftists don't know how to process it. They cope by seeing us as something inherently evil and violent. Something inherently unworthy of living. Something that automatically deserves whatever bad things happen to it. Something less than human. Something that must be erased, one way or another. It doesn't matter that we're people with feelings and minds, we're all just filthy colonizers! Get rid of us pesky Israelis and everything will be better! Just burn it all down!

It's human nature to want to get rid of something you don't like. Whether it's a bug in your kitchen, a shitty friend, a mindset you don't like, whatever. It's when "something I don't like" translates to millions of people that you start to get under my skin. It's when you celebrate a brutal massacre and root for a terrorist organisation that I deem you a disgusting human being.

Like it or not, new life has been created here. And no matter how many chant "death to colonizers", you won't be getting rid of it. You won't be getting rid of us.

Because we, as human beings, don't deserve to be gotten rid of.

[give-soup-please]

I'm asking for a sibling but, do you know any red flags in therapists to watch out for? Sorry if this makes you uncomfortable-

it doesn't make me uncomfortable, but it isn't always the best to seek advice like this from a blog on tumblr. generally, information seeking like this should be taken to professionals and adults you trust. that being said, in the past decade i've made my way through 7+ therapists and have been seeing my current therapist for more than 3 years, so i do have some things to say on the subject. i'll break this up into two categories- ethical and personal. ethical being the big, far reaching stuff involving the law, and personal being the things that i've learned through experience as being a bad sign. i recognize this is for a sibling, but for ease of writing, i'll be using the pronoun 'your'. and keep in mind that for the personal stuff, that these issues are complex and nuanced, and my experience won't be everyone's.

ethical:

lack of privacy - if your therapist spills the beans to someone about your personal problems without your consent, that's a big red flag. this is a little complicated if you're a minor, as parents think they have a right to know, and some therapists may tell and some won't, depending on their personal style. but if they go, 'oh yeah, i was talking to my non fellow professional buddy joe about your situation', that's generally a red flag

sexual advances - should be obvious. a therapist has a unique role of power in their client's life, and it shouldn't be abused. any sexual advances or desires for a romantic relationship are forbidden by their code of ethics. red flag if they express an interest in these things.

'multiple relationships' - by this, i mean a therapist shouldn't generally be seeing you outside their work or be in a relationship type with you that would get in the way of their work. this can be complicated because the nature of therapy from my experience is that they're closer than a professional friend but more distant than a regular friend. the explanation i use is that i like my therapist and enjoy the work we do together, but i wouldn't invite him out for coffee to gossip about the neighbors. there are certain boundaries that we both abide by.

lack of consent/informed consent - a therapist should give people information enough to make an informed decision about the course of their treatment. if they don't do this, that's a red flag.

lying about their experiences - putting those under the same category. if they're lying about where they got their degree from or their experience, run. that's a major red flag.

if you want more details on any of these things, look up their code of ethics and give it a read, they explain the law better than i can. but this is a generalized crash course of the biggest things in there.

personal:

this is stuff that isn't against the law, but should still be watched out for:

'only one solution' - i once had a psychologist tell me that only medication would fix my problems. and that talk therapy did nothing. this is... blatantly false. talk therapy takes time and effort, but it's not 'worse than useless' as she suggested. i dropped her after our first session. because why would i go to a psychologist to talk, if she believes that talking doesn't help? in general terms, the human brain is complicated, trauma is complicated, and the path to healing isn't easy. if a therapist tries to take your options away, or suggest that their path is the only path you can take to being better, be wary. there are multiple techniques therapists use, and some will be better than others, but if they're proposing 'my way or the highway'... that's bad. there is no one size fits all in these circumstances.

leaving your sessions in a bad place emotionally. this one is kind of complicated, but my current therapist does his best to make sure we don't end on a sour note in our session. due to the nature of the work we do, this is sometimes inevitable. but if you're leaving every session feeling worse than when you went in, and your therapist opens up (or lets you open up) big topics within the last ten minutes of a session, and doesn't close them off so you can function for the rest of the day, that's bad. generally, me and my therapist have an unspoken rule that the last ten minutes of any session coming back to a more stable place before we part ways. you don't cut someone's skin open to remove an abscess, and then shrug your shoulders five minutes later and say 'we'll take care of this next week.' again, not always avoidable, but if every session finishes like that, be wary. an example of what my therapist does would be what happened about seven months ago. we explored some new topics, i talked about some stuff that i hadn't mentioned before that was... exceptionally dark. i'm pretty open about my experiences on tumblr, but there are things that happened to me that i don't even talk to friends about. point being, we processed through some stuff together, and then in the last ten minutes, my therapist told me a story that involved his dog eating an entire plateful of broccoli off the dining room table when his back was turned, and how terrible the dog's farts smelled for the rest of the day. i, being a connoisseur of lowbrow humor, laughed until i cried. it was a fantastic and hilarious way to lighten the mood, and helped me regain my balance before i had to move on to the rest of my day. there are many examples i have of this, but that one sticks out the most. again, there are some sessions you'll leave feeling like shit. but if stuff's getting brought up last minute that's not addressed, bad sign.

not letting a client get a word in edgewise. - seems obvious, doesn't it? i had a therapist who would not shut up, and i left his sessions about 30-40 minutes later than the standard time. he didn't have that many clients, so he had extra time for individual people, but it was him talking the entire time and giving me his opinion after i'd describe the problem in one sentence. not a good therapist. dropped him pretty quickly.

not letting a client lead the session - if a therapist says, 'we are going to talk about this today' and you say you don't want to, and the therapist tries to put pressure on you to talk about something you clearly aren't ready to talk about, BAD SIGN. it may not seem obvious, but a client is and should always be in control of how a session goes. a therapist should never demand a session be taken in a particular direction, and they shouldn't put a crap ton of pressure on you to talk about a subject if you're not ready to or don't have the energy to tackle it. there may be times when they gently nudge you to talk more about something, especially if it is important, but a client is always the one in control and makes the final decision. if a therapist tries to take that away from you, that's bad. it's also bad if they never let you take an easy day or acknowledge your desire for a break from heavy topics.

yeah, the reason i've had more than 7 therapists in the past decade is because i am exceptionally picky. and i have the right to be, considering the work i'm doing. i hope this helps.

[ronanceautistic]

This is in no way me saying I like her as a person but I remember an interview w/ Ariana Grande where she talked about how therapy didn't work for her, and doesn't work for everyone, and in her case she got more healing out of making music than going to therapy. And someone commented about how that's a privileged opinion to have because not everyone has the means to create something, and like... is it just me or is like, the exact opposite true?

Celebrities endlessly saying 'everyone should go to therapy!' really irk me because a) not everyone can afford to and b) it's not a fix-all solution to everyone's problems. And, sure, we're not all famous musicians with recording studios and shit but anyone can create something. Tools to write with, make music with, create with are incredibly easier and cheaper to get than therapy for the vast majority of people, even if it's at a small scale.

I don't know, imo it's refreshing to see a famous person admit that therapy isn't something everyone should do, and instead say that healing can come from different places.

[krinsbez]

Random Superman Thought

So, I dislike the trend in recentish years of portraying Krypton as a dystopia. There are any number of reasons for it and I'm not going into them ATM.

My general preference, in fact, is for it to be utopian. Not a utopia, that isn't really possible, but vastly better than our world is. And this is in large part because of science. Not just physical science, advanced technology and the like, although obviously they have this, but "soft science". they have advanced fields such as economics, sociology, and poli. sci. to a degree that they are as rigorous, or even more so than geology and chemistry are here on Earth. They have therefore been able to create a society that, more-or-less works, fairly and justly for almost everyone.

Because yes, while the percentage is minuscule, there are people who don't fit in. That said, as a general rule, the reason don't fit in because they want to hurt other people.

OK, so now we come to one of the parts that I know is controversial, because one of those soft science fields that they've advanced is psychology. They have the means to safely and humanely alleviate, treat, and even outright cure 99.9999% of mental illnesses. The important thing, is that this isn't coercive. If you are diagnosed with a mental illness, there is no stigma and no judgement. Up to a point (and we'll et to that in a bit) is is entirely your choice whether or not to seek treatment, and what that treatment will be. if you want to be cured outright, that's fine. But if you want to just have your symptoms alleviated, that's also fine. And if you don't want to be treated at all, that is ALSO fine. Regardless, no one will think less of you or treat you like a freak or a bad person or put pressure on you to make a different choice. Accommodations will be made for you and nobody will suggest that there's anything wrong with that.

(not...sure how they would deal with conditions that produce self-harm, but I'm just going to table that)

But like I said, up to a point. And that point is when you start hurting other people. I don't mean hurting their feelings. Nor do I mean hurting property. I mean when other people end up in the hospital and such. At that point someone from the Military Guild* shows up and politely suggest you should maybe see someone. And at first that's all they do, because again, it is your choice.

If you persist in actions that harm others, they continue to be polite, but measures taken become stricter, though as a general, it never becomes stricter than they, again very politely, keep you under surveillance and step in to stop you from hurting people.

But. If, say, you blow up a moon, or torture 23 men to death in your basement, or try to take over the world? Yeah, at that point you have lost the right to say no to treatment.

The thing is, if someone doesn't willingly participate in therapy, it isn't going to work as well. And figuring out what to do with such people is something they're still working on (again, utopian, not utopia). In the last decade or so of Krypton's existence, they began experimenting with the Phantom Zone. People sent to the Phantom Zone can't harm others, nor can they be harmed. They don't experience physical discomfort. They don't even age. They are isolated from society, but are able to see what they're missing. And just in case, Fort Rozz has facilities where they can safely return to physical form and have visitors and so forth if it becomes too stressful. And all they have to do to be released is agree to go to therapy so they can be treated from their desire to hurt people. Which they generally do after about a few months to a year, long before any serious psychological damage is done, and also they can treat that, anyways.

it is not, by any means, a perfect solution. In fact, it's fairly controversial, and they're always looking for something better. The problem is, of course, that Krypton blew up and people who were not expected to spend more than year in the Phantom Zone ended up being trapped there for decades.

Does this concept work to make the Phantom Zone compatible with a society that is not a utopia but is utopian?

*Since they haven't had a war in centuries the phrase "Military Guild" refers to peace officers. And before you comment, as a general rule, they they aren't Bastards. Mostly they direct traffic, do social work, mediate disputes, deal with wild animals that wander into residential areas, but on the exceedingly rare occasions crimes are committed, they deal with that also.

[rainbowjay20]

After The Wizard

available on Tubi

Great. With better writing and acting, it would have been Oscar worthy. Nothing personal against the actors or writers. It just wasn't the best that it could've been.

I found it at a great time personally for me. I had just watched Return to Oz. I then felt compelled to continue on to both Tin Man and Emerald City. I am a bit of an Ozophile.(The Wizard not the Country, although I have nothing against UK South.*she says jokingly.)

.

I had been wondering if, other than reference at the beginning of Return To Oz, anyone had done a Wizard of Oz movie that discussed the psychological ramifications of Dorothy's incident. I am referring of course to what happens after the original movie/book.(Yes, nerds don't yell. I'm aware the 1939 movie is a general fanfiction of the books.)

When Dorothy comes home in the novels, it isn't a dream. In the movie(WOO 1939) it is treated as such but that can be even more psychologically damaging than agreeing she went to a make believe land where animals talked and magic existed. There really isn't a good solution to this conundrum of what to do with Dorothy.

In the books, Dorothy is almost sent to an asylum. Her aunt is the only one who believes her. Not to mention Dorothy would have one hell of a case of PTSD. She is only 10 or 11 years old, not the full 16 years that Judy Gardland had under her belt. (Rumors abound the Studio heads wanted Shirley Temple. Better Age but not the right fit.) Can you imagine the psychological trauma of a child that age(even at 16!) having been accused of murder, then fleeing only to murder someone else?(Yeah, okay, she kills the Nome King too. After she kills the Wicked Witch by Melting.) She is also facing the ordeal of making an overland journey across a strange land, accompanied by people you've only just met. All of this while fleeing because someone is trying to kill you, and you don't feel you did anything to deserve it! I know adults that would be in therapy for years if that happened to them, but this was a young, vulnerable, nieve child?

In Return to Oz, we see a small window into this. They had been sending Dorothy to get EST, electroshock therapy. This is prevented by a girl who is later revealed to be Ozma. It is never addressed fully in RTO if Oz is a dream or a real place.

Tin Man and Emerald City although the both start with a trip from "our"(for lack of a better word) world. But both miniseries play out solely as Oz as a real world. Both worth watching if you can.

An also add, if you can find it, it was recorded on PBS, I think. The Dreamer Of Oz with John Ritter. It's not about the Oz story but about the life of Fraunk L. Baum.

In this movie however, we see a slightly different take. Dorothy is in an orphange, Aunt Em and Uncle Henry dead. Or so it seems. The Scarecrow and Tin Woodsman are looking for her to help Oz which is suffering some undisclosed problems.

Usually, I can get a feel for the "dream cast" that the producers were attempting. I didn't have a sense of that. It seemed like it was just bad producing and casting.

As far as the acting, you work with what you have. The actor can't make a bad line good. It was stilted and uncomfortable. The best way to describe it was that they looked like they were acting.

One obstacle worth noting, the costumes. The choice was made to use practical costumes instead of digital, I assume for money constraints. The Tin Woodsman(I assume a copyright was involved there? They never called him the Tinman, always the Tin Woodsman) I don't need to describe them. I found a photo. It was just crappy. They all were.

However, given all the obstacles it was still a great movie. I can think of spots it would have been better with some tweeks. It was worth watching as a different take on the same story.

I have a soft spot in my heart for Oz stories. I own the limited edition 3 disk DVD of the 1939 Oz.

My next look out is Dorthy and the Witches of Oz if I can find it.

After I finish my current DVD pile and a Tubi movie that looked interesting. It's called Walt before D*sney. I just started it and it's so sugar coated I'm gonna need two insulin shots! I read The Disney Story. They missed a hell of a lot.

[plantypotter]

I am in so much pain this past month. I ... cannot seem to enjoy anything without this constant feeling over shame and overwhelm. I am tossing labels out the window for the sake of this argument. no clinical diagnoses. rather, what is the problem?

one: artem. is he right? do i have low self esteem and my therapist isn't working? and it's ok my therapist isnt working? where does the pain and jealousy for those whom are able to observe and tell me that come from?

two: what do i need to be .... ok? like at peace day to day? with my relationships, with new ones, with ones i've invested in , with ones i've neglected in some way. why do i push people away the minute they stop validating me?

----

response

one: first thought is, who cares what he thinks? i know i do, but at the same time, in the same vein, i don't morally give a fuck. part of me thinks, strongly, if it's not serving me, who gives a fuck. which is true. no one's opinion of me is going to affect me at the end of the day, it's really my opinion of myself. and ... what is my opinion of myself? (god he's so fucking mean and critical. it makes me angry to think about. it puts me on this loop. do i empathize with these side attack feelings of being attacked, of being hurt, of being unsafe? do i remind myself that...i am safe, and someone saying something negative about me does not ... make me unsafe? do i deprogram?) my opinion of myself. i ... well, i don't think i'm ... independent. i also cannot handle criticism without shutting down for at least a little bit. it puts me into "play dead" or "flight" now, i think. "fight" if I'm familiar with the person, and they can empathize with the other two steps because we've been intimate emotionally, and i know they ... in some way, need or desire me emotionally/won't leave? which pushes them away. I'm aware. so. my opinion. is that, overall, 5/10. as a whole. pretty but so unorganized i don't take care of myself. intellectual and social interests but so overwhelmed everyone i do things with is left hanging eventually. has a societal vision of good communication and reliability, humor, pride, progress but does not execute --- will leave one trail for another halfway there, and never get to the end of level 1. my figs are rotting at the end of the tree and falling off. it is horrible and fills me with shame to watch, and everyone else gets to see it to.

and i don't know how to stop it. therapy? where do i get the money for that when i am constantly overwhelmed? do i stop trying to get anywhere in life, waste my late 20s just saving, doing mediocre jobs, going to therapy?

two: need to be ok? what is OK? the last time i felt OK.. maybe before my brother was born, and through my relationship with him, and my dad before i realized he was neglecting parenting my brother. when i was ok... i was... enamored with the world, every day, every thing around me. i had people who loved me, and i had places to push myself and learn new things. i had freedom, but i also had structure. i also had nannies around who... were supportive, not terribly stressed, pretty hot. i don't know why i was OK. i was also OK... when i was making enough to pay my bills and then some, seeing my therapist and had a place where i felt safe coming home to, could help my brother. i suppose i could do that here. the data analysis thing maybe delay until spring, and just.... try to save. finish my MA course thing. ugh. ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. i groan because i want it to happen now, i don't want to lose the opportunity to. do this COOP data analyst training thing. it's my way in.

so to summarize, to be ok: income > basic needs. safe space to relax every day. therapy budget and session in weekly agenda. supporting my brother, and family in some way. financially preferred.

i don't like. venting without there being solution, out come, next step. next step: only apply to jobs that provide more than basic needs. buy ikea rug, air filer, vent for ceiling and top of door. set up therapy, and get therapy book. text nick if he still wants allowance. email 2-3 physical therapists at u-mich to see if he can shadow.

be compassionate with myself i suppose, and also hold myself to a standard. i know its hard, but i expect good things from myself because i want to believe i'm capable of them. life will keep going on without me, i can choose to go in circles here or move in the straight line

(subconscious dialogue: i am trying to love those emotions and let them come and go. i am trying to love the emotion right now telling me i should be ashamed. i am trying to love the programming right now telling me i am behind and i should feel shame. why? why should i feel shame? is that motivating me?

maybe a little. what i didn't feel shame about anything, and just did what served me? I trust my morals... mostly. if anything. if there's problem, my system wont work and i can adjust. no amount of worry or shame is going to help me improve.

and i know if i... keep doing this, loving the emotions that tell me i am in danger when i am in fact, not going to die from these things. FUCK. i am loving the fact that i don't know which emotions i want to feed and which i want to let come and go. shame? do i want to feed it? do i want to accept it? do i want to accept all of my emotions?)

income: difference between healthy self-doubt and crippling negativity

[staledirt87]

hey under the cut I'm gonna put some rly triggering stuff about suicide and suicidal ideation, please don't read if you're gonna be triggered, I just need this out there

The question of "why do I want to die" has been one that I've never truthfully been able to answer. I know I'm not "special" in the sense that I'm God's special child that's worthless and hated for no apparent reason other than existing. I also know that life holds intrinsic value, and that simply by living I have enough worth to warrant keeping around. but I have a hard time seeing the value of living on a logical standpoint. now my friend would tell me that you can't value life by logic alone, but that's how I always see the world. logic isn't logic unless you factor in emotion.

I see it as a simple pros vs cons, seperated into two categories: self and others

self pros

> pain ends

> responsibility ends

> stress ends

> anxiety ends

> I end the possibility of future pain

self cons

> I no longer have a chance for future happiness

> my dreams are automatically devoid of purpose

other pros

> I am no longer a concern of their's

> they do not have to factor me into plans

> they have more time to themselves and their other friends

> the energy they used on me can be used on other things

other cons

> they have to grieve me for an indefinite amount of time

> the things they used to do with me they can no longer do

> what I put into the world is no more

> anyone who looked up to me has lost a stable figure

that's the end of the doomsday pros and cons list, and by tallying it up, there are more pros than cons. additionally, it is a landmark in almost every ideology that yourself comes before others. not always, of course, but you must always consider yourself before others, in case you over exert yourself. now, I understand and acknowledge the pain and suffering of others that my death may cause, but I find it secondary to my own hopelessness and depression.

let me put it this way: why should I, my own person, be forced to work and exhaust myself for others' happiness? that is shunned upon almost everywhere, yet when it comes to suicide, it is thrown out of the window. "a permanent solution to a temporary problem." I've always had issues with that. it's not truly a temporary problem. I have major depressive disorder, severe and recurrent. which means it is not a temporary problem, but a permanent one. medication and therapy is a temporary solution to a permanent problem, whereas suicide is a permanent solution to a permanent problem.

it's also important to point out the fact that me being dead does as much as me being alive does. how many times do you see people citing dead loved ones as inspirations to do wonderful things? I know my death would hurt my friends, but as everyone will say, your friends in high school don't stay your friends. they would forget me anyway, and in less than a decade they will have forgotten my name whether I'm alive or dead.

I must also say that in the grand scheme of the universe, we are but specks of specks. our life is a blip in the expanse of time, so my status of life doesn't have any real affect on the world

all this is to say, there's really no point in my life. when it comes to a time that the net emotion of life is negative rather than positive, and the net effect of your death is more positive, then it is illogical to say that I shouldn't kill myself.

of course, this all means nothing if I don't have the means to commit, but I have several plans in my mind. I'm not near as safe as my parents think I am.

[medicinemane]

Can I make a small request that people not recommend that I get professional help, because as I've said on numerous occasions there's reasons why I can't

The largest one being that the nearest town with a therapist is quite far from me in every direction, which means a lot of gas money, but also given one of my big complaints is how much leaving town takes out of me... you might be able to see why I don't want to add more trips

I have a plan brewing for how to maybe find one who does teleappointments that would be covered for me, but it takes me a long time to get stuff done

Also to be blunt having a therapist isn't as important as everyone seems to think it is. I've been in therapy for many years, I even once had one who was a great fit and helped me a ton, so I know where I'm coming from here

I think pretty much all my therapist would back me up on this when I say therapy is a resource, not a cure

I think even some of my poor fit therapists would be able to help me out a lot more now than they were at the time when I had them, cause back then I was well and truly stuck and what changed wasn't me but my situation, where as now I'm a lot more in control of things meaning they could help a lot more

But like... they aren't going to just make the not enjoying life go away. They aren't going to just fix that stuff, and contrary to what you might think or see, I'm slowly working on things in my own way on my own time, I just also feel like stating what's on my mind and stating it bluntly

It gets so tiresome and so dismissive just being told to get help, at least it does when I keep keep keep explaining myself over and over, I've said similar to this before now, especially about the distance to other towns

I don't mean to be rude, but it would be more helpful to just let me be than to say the words "get help" again as if that does anything

If you can get me in with a therapist who is covered for me and who meets my needs, lets talk, but otherwise please just leave it

You don't mean it this way, but it starts to get insulting, and I've heard it so many times over the years. It makes me feel like people aren't listening at all and it's very frustrating

Either trust me to handle my shit like I always do, find dealing with my depression overwhelming and unfollow with zero hard feelings and total welcome to keep talking with me (but not seeing my depressing posts anymore), offer me an actual solution to my problems or like... you know... anything other that just advice, or... you know... keep going with throwing the get professional help out no matter what I say

I don't mean to be mean, I don't mean to be rude, I just... I don't know what it takes to get this through to people, because apparently literally explaining it in detail why it doesn't help and why I literally can't get help right now... doesn't work

So give me the magic solution I haven't thought of despite knowing my situation better than anyone else, or just let me be cause like... I don't want to toss threats around about stuff that's obviously well intentioned, but this has been going on for so many years with some many people... I don't know what to do, it's getting to the point where I'm thinking "do I just need to block people who say that cause they don't listen?"

So that's my stance

It's way too many words as usual, but it's me fuckin begging to just let me handle my shit on my own, to not tell me to get help unless you also are giving me a referral to someone covered who fits my requirements, and to just let me saying I'm fucking not doing well on my own blog

I'm literally just sayin what's on my mind, can I please just have that? Like... please?

This is maybe the final warning, what comes if someone I've said this to does it again... I don't know, I don't wanna do shit, but like... I'm begging, enough

[adecila]

Are you saying even in irl cheaters aren’t always cheaters? And I’m reading this fic because you guys are amazing writers. I like the way you and mutt can put a story together. I don’t think it’s fair to tell me to stop reading your story because I don’t like one character tho

I was referring to the "once a cheater always a cheater" part—which is ironically the thing Ygritte uses to attack him again....like ashddhwjsj there's a reason Amy wrote her PR plant like that...

I'm saying that it's quite reductive to think that, by default, if someone cheated on their s/o once they will always cheat. You have to look at each situation in particular to imo be able to understand it, and even so, it's still quite unfair to instantly hold such an absolute belief, like it's either black or white, it can't be in between. Yes, some people have a problem and I'm not saying that's not true for them, I'm just saying that cheating doesn't happen in a vacuum. But that's a different debate.

Especially in this fic, in which Jon has explained what happened and the context of it all, it's quite baffling to say that. And he has expressed time and time again (from chapter 1 even!!) just how much he regrets it and has shown how much he's worked to be better.

It just perplexes me again and again whenever people read a fic that has cheating in any way just how black and white some insist on seeing things. Life isn't about absolutes. You can't think like that. Jon is a person who made a mistake. We all make mistakes. Good people can and will also make mistakes!! Just because they fucked up once doesn't mean that they're bad now (again, such absolutes and for what????) or that they will do the same thing again (to the same or to a different person). What matters is what we do after the mistake was made. And Jon has done everything in his power to learn from it and even thought he deserved all the shit Ygritte did to him.

And I've seen others hate on him too and it is truly sad to me because all he's been doing since chapter 1 is TRY TO BE BETTER. Do you know how hard that is??? Obviously the guilt was killing him inside (see the bad bender and the alcohol abuse) but he's worked through it in therapy. Like holy shit if you go back even 2 chapters before chapter 8 you can see how much he's still trying every single time. And I truly thought that the heart to heart he had at his flat with Dany will be eye-opening to many...seems like that's not that case.

Yes Jon cheated. Yes it was an awful thing of him to do. No Ygritte didn't deserve it. But Jon has admitted he fucked up and has been working through his mistake and he's been trying to be a better person.

And I appreciate the compliment, but idk what am I supposed to say to that? Because if after 107972 words you STILL say that Jon shouldn't be with Dany...it kinda makes me feel like we failed somewhere lmao like we've been showing so much of Jon dealing with his cheating and trying to be better for nothing. Like what does he have to do to be deserving of her? He can't go back in time and not cheat. So all he can do is move forward. And so far I think he's been doing fucking amazing. He's been respecting boundaries and promises and started communicating better with Dany. Just because he loves teasing her (because she enjoys it just as much if not more) doesn't mean he's treating her badly. That's just how he flirts?? And he's a very famous actor with a big ego like...I think he's acting accordingly!

Besides!! That kiss wasn't just sexual attraction for Dany. It was so much more than that...I thought it was obvious. Hence that big thing about her realising that Jon keeps choosing her when he could have gone with the simplest solution and dump her for Arianne.

If I said you should stop reading it was because I don't see the point of you reading a fic in which you clearly hate Jon, who is the other half of the ship. Like bestie that's a pretty important character to hate 😭😭😭 especially since the entire point of the story is getting Jon and Dany together! I just fail to understand how you could enjoy this fic if you think they shouldn't be together.

Still, you're free to do as you wish, obviously. What am I gonna do about it? 😭

[kinktae]

the fact that you will bring up mental illness as your defence but still not try to understand other writers problem is so sad rosie . your readers also read other peoples (at least i do] so i am upset you only think about yourself like this .

u know what FUCK IT this shit is not happening twice to me. do not read if u don't want angry rose!! and if ur anon? please just leave. me. alone.

in 2019 i got attacked like fucking crazy and when I shared how much it affected me bc i have problems with anxiety specific pertaining to my safety (since i was getting fucking dox threats) and a fucking mutual of mine made a vague post saying i was "guilt-tripping ppl with my mental illness." and guess what the fuck ur doing to me now!!! doing the same shit to me!!! do u know how damaging that was for me? someone who already does not open up to anyone??? to be told i cant open up to my readers on MY blog??? this was some real world shit okay. i deadass went to therapy. I'm talking about this affecting my REAL LIFE okay not just some blog on tumblr dot com. I paid real money to fix a real problem that this shit hellsite created for me. How fucking stupid is that!!!!!!!!!!

to this day i struggle feeling like I can't fucking talk about my mental illness bc ppl would think i was using it as a weapon. my anxiety got so bad that to had to drop out of fucking college. even now when smthn is wrong and my loved ones are in person asking me whats wrong i feel my throat close up like i shouldn't speak. i have to FORCE the words out of my throat. This isn't me blaming tumblr for my mental illness. IM responsible for my mental illness. so I've learned to set boundaries.

You don't like how i do my tags? fine. unfollow. block. i genuinely wish u the best of luck. genuinely. i mean that with all of my person. But i will not. WILL NOT. be told that i cant talk about my mental illness?? I AM MENTALLY ILL. ITS NOT A TITLE IF IT AFFECTS HOW I LIVE MY DAY-TO-DAY ITS APART OF ME TF???? what the hell does insulting me in my inbox calling me all sorts of names and sending fucking asks talking shit to other authors have to do with community? fuck that. If that's what this community does, then I'm not a part of it. if i am telling u that i cant handle this conversation nor give u the result u are wanting and nothing productive will come out of it its bc i am setting boundaries and respecting ur time. this sooooo vile i don't even have the fucking words. ill be honest ill have to go back to see what i posted bc i did act on emotion and just rambled but i don't remember dropping "i use tags how i want bc I'm mentally ill!!" anywhere.

All i ever want to do is write. I love bts. I love writing. it is my one true love in this world and sharing it with my readers has given me more than I could ever explain. They are my everything. You guys are my everything. And I'm sorry this app has robbed me of feeling comfortable to talk to you guys about everything.

From now on im won't be answering anything that isn't pertaining to my fics or bts. I'm sorry but when this is just ridiculous. I won't have my happiness and sanity destroyed by this app anymore. This has exhausted me. There's a reason I will never make anymore friends on this app. There's a reason I don't answer pms anymore. Because my best wont be good enough for some ppl and i don't know how to healthy cope with that because GASP!!! IM MENTALLY ILLLLLLLL!!! So the only solution is to no longer engage. I'm done. I'm moving forward from here on out. The tags stay. Anything outside the realm of this blog doesn't exist. Just gonna post my once a year silly little fic and move the fuck on. toodaloo!

[aeonghaseyo]

Not pee girl trying to say that adrien's advice in chameleon was good 💀💀💀 i saw that and genuinely started laughing because hello?? Girl?? And she's like trying to use that to somehow tell people to leave her alone like what even. If she wants people to leave her alone so bad why doesn't she just delete her social media.... (i think it's because she thrives on attention)

I don't like Adrien's advice in the ending of Chameleon either.

"Making a bad guy suffer doesn't make them a good guy." Yeah, and letting Lila go on with her lie unchecked won't make her stop. This heavily contrasts in this case with "All that is necessary for evil to triumph is that good people do nothing."

A lot of Adrien stans argue that Adrien wouldn't have told Marinette to stand by the sidelines and let Lila continue lying to everyone because Adrien didn't know that she threatened Marinette in the bathroom over being found out that she lies with every breath to everyone in class. I'd say that if Marinette told him about the incident, Adrien would have thought otherwise and not even give a thought about being friends with Lila. But that's IF Adrien wasn't such a pushover and if Marinette had been wise enough (and less boy-crazy enough) to argue with Adrien about this entire thing in the ending. This obviously didn't sit right with her but Adrien is apparently so good at smooth-talking people into being a pacifist/just being passive and letting people walk all over you so long as you're not the one who "makes the bad guy suffer."

Another hot take is that whatever stuff that's going on at home in the Agreste household is turning Adrien into such a doormat. Again, I'll emphasize on how his "advice" was the opposite from what Alya told Marinette in Origins. What he told Marinette was his own version of taking the high road, one not even scrutinized by Marinette at all. People who had watched this scene obviously see this as wrong because it's implied that letting bad shit go unchecked without calling the person out is actually better than calling the person out and them reacting terribly or whatever with it, which is off-putting for me since the former approach clearly doesn't solve the problem Lila has with regards to lying to everyone. It didn't help that Adrien himself gave that advice after he's been inappropriately touched and taken advantage of by girls who are crazy for him at school (obviously including Lila), and it speaks so much volumes to me because this boy needs a lot of therapy and more life-lessons to see that passivity isn't always the solution and that he is completely unaware of being taken advantage of by people because of his so-called "good nature".

On the other hand, Marinette was smart enough to refute what Adrien told her but she was so captivated by his flowery words that she turned stupid.

Ironic that even over this, Pee Girl wants to be left alone, but she's the one salting over people and NOT leaving them alone.

[borderlinereminders]

I’ve started a dbt group therapy IOP and it bothers me that instead of starting from the beginning and learning about emotion regulation and interpersonal skills, I have to start at distress tolerance and it’s so so hard bc I don’t have those other skills yet. I feel like so far distress tolerance is just about pushing down your bad feelings. I already do that all the time and it just makes me feel worse and alone. I wish I just had a one on one therapy rather than a whole group that I was randomly put in and where I’m too scared to talk about my bpd out loud. They all just stare at me when I try to. some girl gave me a weird look when I started mentioning certain things too

Hi anon,

It's really valid that you feel that way, and I am concerned about how they are teaching you things in your group therapy. The goal of distress tolerance is to allow someone to do what's needed to survive an immediate emotional crisis, while managing any harmful urges. I'm not saying you're wrong, more I'm concerned about how they are teaching you these skills. I can also see how it could easily been seen as "pushing down your bad feelings" because that is a possible coping mechanism people use to survive an immediate crisis to curb any harmful urges. For me, DBT allows me to take a step back and calm down and then evaluate my problems in a calmer state of mind to come up with solutions.

I'm sorry this is making you feel alone, and I'm not in your situation, but I will say that sometimes group therapy isn't for everyone. Sometimes certain therapists aren't good at their jobs. It's not a failure on your part.

I also don't want to invalidate your feelings, because they are completely valid, but I just want to say that sometimes when we are feeling overly critical of ourselves, it's easy to see that in others too. It's really possible people "stare" because they're relating to what you're saying. A girl may give you a weird look because she's realizing she's not alone in something. I'm not saying that's definitely what's happening, but just trying to offer alternatives in case it helps. Either way, you are valid. And I am really sorry that you are being made to feel how you are.

If you are interested in reading on emotional regulation, I recommend checking out this link.

[hello-nichya-here]

Ok so I love that little phrase you made. The Five Stages of Incest Denial.

Please do tell us what these 5 stages are!

I'm glad you asked, honey! I hope this will help people understand the terrible condition the Gaang found themselves in while having to deal with the greatness of Zucest without having been mentally and emotionally prepared to do so.

Stage One - "This Cannot Be Happening"

This is the step that helped name the phenomenom. It consists of a person noticing that two (or more) people they know and are close to could be in an incestuous relationship with each other, or at least interested in having such relationship. The person will be so shocked by that realization, that they'll start ignoring the obvious and lying to themselves, so they can stay in the bubble of ignorance a little longer. It often leads to shame and guilt, since one of the main mental tricks they'll play on themselves is believing that they perverts who are seeing something that isn't there and thus "tainting" something "pure" between two relatives.

Stage Two - "OH FUCK, THIS IS REALLY HAPPENING"

No denial, no matter how strong, can last forever. The person ignoring the truth will eventually be forced to acknowledge it. The longer the denial lasted, the more intense the reaction tends to be. If they were not that close to the incestuous couple, their reaction tends to be more connected to anger and disgust. If they were close, then they're likely to be more horrified and sad than angry... but the anger inevitably comes.

Stage Three - The Blaming Game

With the incest now being obvious, the person struggling to deal with that fact will try to find someone/something to blame. The parents, other relatives, some traumatic event, bad influences, mental illness, and even forces of evil, and they'll hate whatever/whoever they decide is responsible. With a "reason" for why the incest happened, they'll feel a bit more comfortable with the situation, and believe they can fix it, leading to...

Stage Four - Failed Atemps Of "Fixing The Problem"

This is the stage people tend to struggle with the most, because once they fail to solve the problem one way that ends up not working (say, sending them to therapy), instead of moving on to the next step, they'll regress back to stage three, assuming they came to the wrong conclusion about what/who was to blame, try again, and waste more time with a "solution" that is never going to work.

Stage Five - Beaten By Exhaustion

Once they've failed too many times to be able to keep trying to stop the incest, the person will just accept that, while they don't like it, the couple should just be together since there's no way to break them up.

Sometimes, the process of aceptance leads to something even better: Incest appreciation. It has only one step - "This is kinda hot tho"