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magioftheseas · 3 years

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A Smile In Fragments

Summary: When Komaeda first woke up, Hinata didn’t know what he was expecting. Maybe he wanted Komaeda to scream, maybe he wanted Komaeda to cry, or maybe... Maybe deep down, he wanted Komaeda to smile at him and accept his situation with that carefree calm he had been stuck on for months now.He got that in the worst possible way.

Rating: T+

Warnings: Suicide attempt which results in copious gore.

Notes: This is another old-ass wip that I finished up and posted, which means it was written pre-dr3. Back in the day, I was curious about Amnesiac Komaeda AUs set post-sdr2, so I tried my hand at it. This is what happened. Yeah. It’s, uh, pretty rusty but I guess I have some amount of fondness for it.

***Alternate Ao3 Link***

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Just Komaeda smiling at him was enough to make him snap.

“What,” Hinata snarled, stalking forward as the boy in the sheets faltered. That damn smile wilted but Hinata only felt his anger flare burning hot before his eyes. “What the hell were you even thinking?”

Komaeda hesitated to answer and Hinata loomed over him, fists shaking at his sides and glare absolutely poisonous. That the other couldn’t dignify him with some self-righteous answer was even worse. “Do you even understand the shit you’re in right now? Did you honestly think pulling that stunt would make anything better? I was trying, alright? I was trying to help you only for you to just...”

He stopped, trembling with fury and unable to even say it as he shut his eyes. Komaeda made a noise. A familiar sound that has Hinata nearly lose his temper and commit an act he’d regret... But instead, he lets out a heavy sigh and gives Komaeda a look of disgust.

His look drops when he sees how Komaeda’s reacting—how he’d been reacting ever since Hinata started yelling at him.

Komaeda looks terrified—sincerely, purely scared in a way that Hinata had never seen before. He’s back against the wall, knees tucked between them like a barrier and arms pressed close against his chest. His body’s wracked with tremors, his eyes wide like a child’s, and Hinata’s anger utterly dissipates back into worry.

“Komaeda...?” he asks, voice softer with a bit of a waver. “What’s wrong?”

“I-I’m... I’m sorry...” Komaeda manages just as the nurse bursts in.

“Hinata-san,” she says and Hinata has to tear his sight away. He hears Komaeda stifle a sob, and the seriousness in the nurse’s eyes doesn’t stop him from flinching. “We need to talk.”

When Komaeda first woke up, Hinata didn’t know what he was expecting. Maybe he wanted Komaeda to scream—his plan failed after all, tremendously so because not only were they all still alive, but he was still alive as well...and the only person who really died was never living in the first place—or maybe he wanted Komaeda to cry—I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it, but how likely was that—or maybe... Maybe deep down, he wanted Komaeda to smile at him and accept his situation with that carefree calm he had been stuck on for months now.

Instead, Komaeda shut down as soon as he woke up. He shut them out.

He was in poor condition upon waking and needed to be nursed, so it didn’t require much effort on his part. The rest of them avoided visiting him, too, except for Hinata who was desperate enough to want something...and maybe a little bit anxious because he remembered the last time they left Komaeda alone to his own devices. Not that it mattered, because even when Hinata tried to be polite, Komaeda seemed content to ignore his existence. Like he really was the Ultimate Nobody.

It made him angry enough to stop trying. But he still worried—that traitorous niggling feeling digging under his skin like a parasitic worm and aggravating him to the point where he felt like he was going to go insane. But there was nothing he could do, right, if Komaeda wasn’t going to acknowledge him—there was nothing he could do...

But, god, desperately and shakily pressing torn bits of fabric to Komaeda’s head in a frenzied attempt to stop the bleeding—if there was really nothing he could have done to prevent this...

“Don’t, please don’t die,” he begged, heart pounding. He already called Naegi in hysteria but Hinata was terrified at the bleak, real possibility that it’d be too late. Komaeda’s eyes were already fluttered shut and blood was still pulsing and slicking his trembling fingers. “Please, Komaeda, stay with me, stay with me... I-I can’t...”

It’s only by the time the others get there that Hinata realizes he’s been crying. He tries to wipe the tears away but ends up smearing Komaeda’s blood on his face instead. In seconds, he’s hyperventilating as Naegi takes his shoulders and murmurs to him: it’ll be fine don’t lose hope Komaeda-kun will be fine, you saved him Hinata-kun it’ll be fine...

In the end, Komaeda is saved. Hinata washes away his blood from his hands. And when Hinata hurries to go visit him, Komaeda turns and gives him a smile.

Komaeda smiled at him again when he entered. But this time the smile was tinier, more fearful—and the more Hinata thought about it, the more the smile from before seemed more for the sake of platitude. And yet he got angry.

This wasn’t the time to feel guilty over it. But he should...

“I’m sorry for yelling at you earlier. I...” I wasn’t aware of your condition. But I say something like that, and he’ll know I meant it. The yelling part. I did mean it. But I wouldn’t have been like that if I knew... Does that even mean anything? Does apologizing mean anything? What am I supposed to...? “I’m sorry, Komaeda. Do you really not...”

“I forgive you.” Komaeda’s smile was still meek, but also a bit wider, and Hinata didn’t know if that was good or not. He shouldn’t get conceited when Komaeda still seemed so unsure and insecure. “From what I can tell, I think I’m at fault too... You did say you trying to help me, so... Ah, it’s fine. I just ended up startled, because...you know...”

It’s not like you would even know why I’d lose myself like that... You don’t even know who I am anymore... And it’s weird that he’d be so sheepish about it, too, because it’s not like Komaeda chose to conveniently get retrograde amnesia when he did. Hell, the amnesia thing was probably the furthest thing he was aiming for and that was...

Just fine. As far as Hinata was concerned, when things don’t go Komaeda’s way is preferable to otherwise. Komaeda’s way was twisted and distorted and could invariably lead to disaster. Hinata was aware of this from experience, though he was also aware he didn’t fully understand it. It was entirely possible he never would. Still... “Is there anything you want?”

“Huh?” Komaeda looked at him, his head at a bird-like tilt and wide doe eyes. “I’m...sorry? I don’t know if I can answer that question easily...especially when I’m not entirely sure if I can trust you. Yet, at least.” He looks almost apologetic and Hinata really doesn’t get that either. But finally, Komaeda’s looking a bit bright again, and it’s more of a relief than he cares to admit. “So the nurse did explain what’s wrong with me, right? Recently wrong, I mean. There were problems before... Ah, but I don’t know if you know about that so I’ll just stop here. Did she tell you or not?”

“You don’t remember,” Hinata states it bluntly, his throat thick as Komaeda nods in response. “You’ve experienced trauma that resulted in you losing your memories. You... You don’t remember me anymore, do you?”

“No, I don’t,” Komaeda says, his smile sad. “Nor do I remember how I got here. But I’m not completely a blank slate if it means anything! I remember some things that happened to me before—like once, I had a dog? Ha-ha, something like that... There are still holes in the memories, sadly, but at least they’re still there. If it helps, I think one of the last things I remember is getting an acceptance letter.”

“An acceptance letter? For where...?” Hinata was already dreading the answer. Komaeda chewed on his lower lip with a soft hum.

“Some esteemed academy... But I don’t recall the name...”

“Was it Hope’s Peak?” Hinata’s stomach drops. “Y-You...don’t remember Hope’s Peak?”

“Was that the name of the school? That sounds about right.” Komaeda didn’t sound so sure despite his chipper tone. “Sorry, my memory stops there. But since I’ve been diligently explaining my delicate situation, perhaps you could fill me in a bit on the things I don’t know? It’d only be fair, after all...” He holds up his left wrist, tracing the bandages around the stump as he observes it in plain curiosity. “I’m not entirely sure how I got this. The nurses won’t tell me and to be frank, I highly doubt it was from the incident that resulted in my amnesia. It’s a bit healed over and... I think that acceptance letter was a while ago...before this. I’m not sure, but do you know?”

“I-I...” Hinata hesitates, blatantly. “I-I wasn’t there...when you lost it... S-Sorry...”

“So you don’t know? How disappointing.” Komaeda sighed. “Isn’t that so unfortunate? How am I supposed to write? My handwriting’s awful enough as it is and... Oh. Right. Your question. No, I don’t remember going to school at all. I just remember getting accepted.��

“Do you remember anything after that?” Hinata asks. “Like...your classmates? School assignments? F-Field trips?”

“Hm. Those are some generic questions. I get the feeling you’re hiding things from me...” But Komaeda grinned cheekily as Hinata froze for a moment. Komaeda laughed it off like it was no big deal. “Ah, it can’t be helped. But no, sorry. I barely remembered the school’s name after all. Oh, wait, I do remember being on a boat... Actually yeah. I was on some kind of boat.”

“Do you like boats? You seem to be enjoying yourself.”

Hinata blinked hard to dispel the image, but Komaeda turned to him with realization clear in his gaze and face lighting up. “That’s right! You were there, weren’t you? You have the same eyes from earlier, though I see you cut your hair... Funny, didn’t you never want to see me again? You were quite cold, you know...from what I remember. What else were we discussing?”

“It’s not important,” Hinata says, voice quick and thick. “None of those things are important anymore. I didn’t mean anything I said back then. That... That’s not me anymore, so you mustn’t worry.”

“Oh...” Komaeda looks a bit disappointed, but still a bit hopeful. “Um. I don’t remember you introducing yourself...”

That’s because I didn’t. Not back then. I didn’t deem it important.

“What’s your name again?”

Hinata swallows. “Hi...Hinata. Hajime Hinata. I was...” Your classmate? But that’s not true, is it? I was never in that...

“My friend, right?” Komaeda asks, and Hinata’s chest seizes up for a moment. And Komaeda looks bashful too, rubbing at his shoulder with a light blush on his face. “I really am sorry... I must have worried you a lot to make you so angry... Though I don’t know how good my words are when like this. But really, I sincerely appreciate you caring so much. Especially since our first meeting didn’t go so well... But since you’ve changed, I guess... We’re friends now?”

You’ve got that wrong. I didn’t understand you. I don’t even know if I can forgive you. Even though you’re alive now, I feel like things have never been more complicated. I don’t know what we were, but it sure as hell was not...

“Or I’m wrong,” he hums, halting Hinata’s thoughts with a self-effacing sigh. “For all I know I could have just been a troublemaker you got saddled with. Isn’t that more likely?”

Hinata doesn’t answer, but Komaeda gives him another sincere smile that takes his breath away. “But I still like you, Hinata-kun. You must be a really kind person to worry so strongly over someone like me. I don’t have to remember our exact relationship to notice that; especially when you were so fired up earlier. I’ll try and do my best, so don’t fret so much, okay?”

I...I may never understand this person...

“I don’t want to go back.”

The words were simple, clear, and concise. And yet, they didn’t make any sense at all.

“Komaeda,” Hinata groaned, reaching for the other only for him to avoid his hand. Komaeda’s stare remained—those same wide doe eyes and lips pulled into a neutral straight line—but Hinata grew more agitated by the minute.

The wind blew, ocean waves crashing below, and when Hinata’s eyes drifted from Komaeda, they landed immediately on the edge of the cliff not too far behind the two. The idea appeared in his head and soon sank to his gut, and Hinata nearly begged as he attempted to grab Komaeda. “Come on...!”

“If you’re going to take me back,” Komaeda murmured, face unreadable as he continued to evade his swiping hand. “Then I have no choice.”

“Please, please don’t...”

“Hinata-kun.” It was the first time Komaeda had said his name in months, and it sounded raspy. Awful. Hinata hated the way Komaeda said his name. But he still missed it. And that just made it worse. “What do you think will happen? Good luck or bad luck? Make a prediction—just like you did the first time we met. Hopefully, you won’t be wrong like last time.”

Hinata shouted his name, fear breaking through his anger as he launched himself forward towards the other. He missed Komaeda by mere centimeters and he only saw a blur of white and blue before there was only the barren cliff before him.

Whatever shock he would have gone into was shattered when he heard the soft, muted impact from several feet below.

“Oh good morning, Hinata-kun!” Komaeda brightly greeted him, waving his good hand once he saw Hinata standing blankly in his doorway. Hinata wasn’t sure how he looked, and Komaeda gave no comments to it, but there was a slightly concerned way to how Komaeda tilted his head and smiled a bit more. “It’s a bit early... Is something wrong?”

“...Nightmare. I had a nightmare.” With those words out, he stumbled to get close, nearly tripping in his haste to reach out and grasp Komaeda’s still elevated hand. He squeezed it once, briefly, and pulled his hands back to wipe his clammy palms off his pants. “Sorry. I... I just had to make sure for a moment.”

“It’s fine...” Komaeda pulled his hand close, curling it against his chest. His worried smile remained on his face, and Hinata tried not to stare at the bandages wrapped around his head. There were scars there before, from previous hospital trips, and Hinata can only imagine how much worse they’d look now with where his head had bashed on a rock.

“Um... Hinata-kun?”

Hinata’s gaze snapped back.

“I’m sorry,” Komaeda spoke with such ease, and yet, so much regret. “I’m really, really sorry. I just... I feel like I should beg you for forgiveness.”

You should, but I won’t be happy when you’re like this. It’s...

It’s fine.

“Komaeda...”

Even if I won’t ever understand, even if we’re just back at square one again... Even so...

“I should’ve said this earlier,” Hinata said, forcing a smile. “Welcome back.”

Komaeda blinked at him, but he smiled once more. It actually wasn’t half-bad. It might’ve even been a little lovely.

I can keep trying a little while longer.

#KomaHina #nagito komaeda #hajime hinata #sdr2 #HinaKoma #Magi fics #suicide tw #sdr2 spoilers #I guess

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elminx · 3 years

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Energy Update: Taurus new moon 5/11/21

Tomorrow afternoon we are experiencing a new moon at 21° - both our Sun and Moon will be conjunct in Taurus, square to Jupiter in Aquarius, trine to newly retrograded Pluto in Capricorn, and sextile to Neptune in Pisces. As with most of our recent lunar events - there is a lot of potential in this energy but also a great deal of tension.

The Taurus new moon is characterized by planting seeds and tending spring growth - it is always a time of renewal and reconnection with our earth energy after the long winter slumber. It cannot be removed from the context of this past year though or even from the general energy of 2021 as a whole so I suspect this energy may include more weeding the garden - we are still in a time of removal and reevaluation.

Though this new moon in Taurus is not an eclipse - its sister full moon in Scorpio come November will be. This is significant - these six months will be a sneak peek into the coming eclipse cycle that will begin in earnest when the lunar nodes shift to the Taurus-Scorpio axis early in January of next year. We are warned (all year really) to get our affairs in order - to come into alignment with our true selves.

This is echoed in the aspects the new moon is making. Most notably, the Sun and Moon are squaring off with Jupiter in Aquarius. We've been experiencing squares between Taurus and Aquarius all year - Uranus in Taurus and Saturn in Aquarius will make a total of three exact squares this year but come close to squaring each other five total times. We are in a period of expansion and contraction - things need to shift and move - this energy has been unsettled and will remain unsettled likely until the final square clears in December. Taurus is a sign that is slow to change and often most concerned with comfort while Aquarius wants to keep things weird. Aquarius types will often change for change's sake alone (though they are also a fixed sign so they can get hung up in what they won't change every bit as much as Taurus). Expect things early this week to feel uncomfortable and notice what feels out of place. It may be a sign that something needs to get shifted or pruned from your life entirely. This is supported by the trine to retrograded Pluto in Capricorn. Pluto is the grim reaper of the planets - he catalyzes deep transformative change that can often feel akin to death. During the Pluto retrograde cycle, long-standing issues come up for release - things related to childhood traumas, long-standing relationship problems, addictions, and mental illness. During his journey through Capricorn, the energy is focused on broken institutions - governments, business arrangements - even marriage which is a signed contract (Capricorn rules contracts). We are being shown what doesn't work anymore (and often what has never worked). If you are stuck in a situation where you are trying to make something work that really doesn't, it may feel really challenging during this time. You are being asked to reevaluate whether the things you hold in your life work for you and for all other people involved. We're veering away from Aries energy now - the ego stories and selfishness of Aries season has passed - Taurus is all about building something that will last. Taurus is earthy and grounded energy - it has no time for false narratives or passive aggression. Taurus natives tend to tell it like it is and this new moon will be no exception - there are no room left for the lies. That thing that you've been to struggling to make work for years? It's time to put that shit down. If it hasn't worked by now, it was never meant for you. That's the thing about Taurus, from the outside, it can seem like Tauruses hold on to everything. They are slow to forgive. They tend to like possessions. But Taurus, being ruled by Venus, is very concerned with value. You won't find a Taurus keeping a friend around who annoys them, or trying endlessly at a failed marriage - if it doesn't have value, a Taurus is willing to give it up and make space for something that does. This is, I think, one of the reasons that strong Taurus natives often are among the more content signs in the zodiac. As we begin our shift of the nodal axis point from Gemini-Sag to Taurus-Scorpio, this idea of value is going to come more deeply into focus. This new moon will be our first "ping" of this energy that is to come. Things to watch out for during this week are issues around control - Taurus can tend towards control freak tendencies which may be amplified by our great expander (Jupiter) but retrograded Pluto is not having anything to do with it. Lean into Taurus' natural inclination towards having good boundaries and remember that other people (even YOUR others) have the right to make their own decisions. Stay in your own lane. I know - I've been repeating that over and over again. It needs repeating. If you tell somebody else what to do with week, expect them to blow up in your face - don't say that I didn't warn you. The way that you can support yourself through this energy is through some good old-fashioned self-indulgence. Treat yo self to a new outfit or the more expensive takeout. If you feel stuck or too grounded, you can counter this energy by reaching towards Taurus's opposite

sign Scorpio: spend some time around water or deep in mediation, both Scorpio favorite activities. This won't pack the punch of a full moon but we are in eclipse season so what happens today, tomorrow, and Wednesday is likely to be highly significant. If something comes up for you - write it down for later perusal. You may not understand the full import of what is happening right now but it may become more clear as we get closer to our eclipses.

Do you like my work? Please consider supporting me by Buying Me A Ko-Fi.

#witchblr #words #mine #astrology #energy update #transits #May 2021 #new moon #new moon in Taurus #Taurus new moon #eclipse season

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spidersmiceandeverythingnice · 3 years

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The Lovers / Long Dream of the Soul

In the Ooku, there is a room which Kama cannot enter.

TL/DR - I had some thoughts about Arjuna in the Ooku and the Lostbelt and wasn't planning on writing all of it down but I got hit by the creative bug (I hear that there's some planets in retrograde that might explain it) and I wrote like 4000 words out of nowhere.

In the Ooku, there is a room that Kama cannot enter.

The room is tucked at the edge of the floor, and there is a board across the door. Arjuna sees it and thinks that it is another dead-end. The Servants cannot open it; even Parvarti, even the nun, even the Lady Tsubone cannot figure out the mechanism to undo the lock.

When Zoe approaches it, however, all it takes is a glancing touch.

The board falls away, and the door slides open, like a sigh of relief.

Kiara Sessoyin smiles in the faint, cynical way she often does and covers her mouth with one hand. "My, my," she says, so softly that it's barely audible.

The nun does not move, and nor does she elaborate. Arjuna is immediately suspicious. He looks at Zoe's back, and begins to say, "Wait -"

But Zoe unflinchingly crosses the threshold.

Arjuna looks to the others - Mata Hari, Scheherazade, Munenori - but sees no alarm on their faces. Why can't they see how dangerous this is? There is no telling what lays beyond that dark threshold. Even though Arjuna cannot sense the slightest hint of malice or other ill intent - it cannot be that easy. Not in this place, not with this god. There is simply no other possibility than a trap.

But when Zoe enters the room, lanterns flicker to life, filing the room with a buttery, pleasant glow. There is the faint, sweet scent of flowers - perhaps some of the lanterns are perfumed, but it's not enough to overwhelm the air. Instead, it makes the space feel clean and pleasant. Inside, the room is quite spacious, and though it is plainly decorated, it is not lacking in comfort. There are blankets and pillows stacked in a corner, and there is a table laid out with food - Arjuna is shocked to see that it is not food from this era, but food from Zoe's own time.

She smiles at the sight of it.

"Look," she says, and turns her smile on Arjuna, who nearly winces. "They even got curry for us!"

Indeed, some of the dishes are recognizably Indian - not something that he would have eaten as a prince, of course. It's too simple. It's too good. This situation is wrong. Arjuna does not return her smile.

Spotting his discomfort, Zoe beckons the Servants into the room.

"We can stay here for awhile," she says, and it's phrased like a suggestion even though her voice contains a decision. "We'll be safe here. And we'll need our strength to confront Kama."

Kiara demures. "If our Master insists, surely we will be welcome to rest here?"

The phrasing strikes Arjuna as odd. If the Ooku is made from the souls of Zoe's Servants, then the Servant who made this place -

"We're safe here," Zoe says, confidently, holding out her hand as if to pull them over the threshold. "Come on - aren't you hungry?"

Servants do not get hungry, Arjuna thinks. But Zoe has never indicated that she cares about such things. That the concept of offering food to a ghost is odd - no, it would have crossed her mind. She is very deliberate, in her own way. She is choosing to treat them as people.

Arjuna thinks this is fine. In a way, it does not matter how Zoe perceives him. She is his Master, and perhaps she has even seen his true face, but they both knew that their alliance's foundation was more than a simple contract. Arjuna knows, also, that when the contract is complete here, they will return to Chaldea, and it will be like none of this has ever happened.

They cross the threshold, and sit down to eat.

All of the foods, it turns out, are Zoe's favorites.

///

The lanterns dim after they've eaten their fill - the plates disappear as if they never existed. One by one, they roll out the blankets and set out cool pillows to sleep on. Arjuna finds the atmosphere cold - perhaps he is still uncomfortable from earlier. The door to the room is closed, and there have been no attacks - but still. Still. How can Zoe fall asleep so easily, he wonders, watching as she drifts into a deep slumber. And the others? Mata Hari curls up on one of Zoe's sides, and Munenori lays stiff as a board on the other. Kiara sits up, appearing to meditate in unbroken silence. Parvarti goes dormant inside of Tsubone to let the old woman's body rest. She too, falls into a deep sleep and snores lightly.

It is only Arjuna and the storyteller left now. They glance at each other awkwardly.

After a long moment, Scheherazade says, "This room -"

She pauses, and looks at him. Then, she looks at Sessoyin.

The nun does not move. She barely seems to breathe.

Scheherazade sighs. "The Servant who made this place must have loved Zoe very much."

Arjuna frowns. "Why do you say that?"

Because it gave her a place to rest, her favorite foods? That hardly seems like love. Anyone who had met Zoe and spoken to her for more than ten minutes could have told you about the things she liked to eat and the fact that she often required, if not outright demanded, nine hours of sleep.

"Because she was the only one allowed inside," says Scheherazade. "The rest of us had to be invited."

"Perhaps that was Kama's doing." Arjuna is surprised at how petulant his voice sounds.

"But haven't you sensed it?" The storyteller looks at him, imploring. "It's so peaceful here. Too peaceful."

Arjuna feels his brows knit together. "You're saying -"

"Kama has been tracking us through the labyrinth," says Scheherazade. "But I think that she did not wish for us to come here. I think she put this room away - at the end of a hall that we should not have turned down otherwise, on a floor where we are so close to the end that Zoe may have just decided to push forward, to the very end."

Arjuna considers this. It would certainly be to Kama's benefit to keep them weak and exhausted, confused in the labyrinth. And it had been Zoe's whim that drew them down this particular corridor. And it was indeed odd to find such a peaceful place in a den of vices, especially so close to the depths where lust was liable to overwhelm -

"This place is a safe harbor," Scheherazade says, interrupting his thoughts. "That this Servant can repel Kama's entry - I think that means this room was built on a foundation of pure love."

"Hm." It doesn't make sense, not any of it. Kama is a god of love, and so how can love repel her? Arjuna turns his face away, feeling a dark, disquiet sensation in the pit of his stomach. He remembers, in a flash, a foreign land with a tiny, wicked queen. Zoe had been there, and there was a man at her side the entire time - a knight that Medb had a passing interest in, a knight who carried curses and oaths the way that Arjuna was endowed with so many blessings and gifts. Could it be that...?

Arjuna barely restrains a scowl. He does not turn back to Scheherazade, who seems to accept his silence. He listens to the storyteller quietly rolling out a mat and curling up in the most sheltered corner of the room.

Her voice, feathery soft, drifts over once more: "Will you sleep, Prince Arjuna?"

He debates his continued silence but eventually designs to answer. "No. Servants have no need of it."

Scheherazade sighs again, and then the room is entire peaceful, except for the spot where Arjuna still sits, wrapped in an icy, bitter jealousy.

///

Hours pass, or perhaps minutes. The longer Arjuna sits, the more certain he feels that he is not welcome in this place, in the room that was made for the love of Zoe. She was the Master of Chaldea, the Master of many Servants, and she had a much greater capacity for love and generosity than he did, and it was unreasonable to expect her to wait for his sake when he had barely -

No, no, and even in Chaldea. Those days when he had never allowed her to see his true face, to really know him. He was a prince among princes, isolated, high above her other Servants. He wasn't there for her. She had turned to another because he wasn't there.

Arjuna feels like he is slipping on the edge of something dark and deep. Something that he had buried or hidden long ago. How is it that the Hero of Endowment has lost the one thing that he desires most? It wasn't fair.

The oppression of the peaceful atmosphere finally drives Arjuna to his feet. He will not leave the corridor - but he can wait outside. He cannot stand it in this place for even a moment longer.

As he reaches the door, he looks back at them. Zoe is in a dream, her expression one of deepest peace. The other Servants also appear so relaxed - all but Sessoyin. The nun has not moved for hours but Arjuna cannot shake the sensation that she has been watching their every move with a hawk's eyes. Listening to everything. Almost as if she is waiting for something.

Still, even Sessoyin does not stop him from leaving the room.

Stepping over the threshold is like walking into a brick wall. Immediately, the heady scent of the labyrinth swells and floods his senses. The humid air faintly tinged with promise and pleasure seems to settle over him like a blanket. He had thought to clear his head and the irony of this atmosphere being easier to deal with is not lost on him. Perhaps it is good that Zoe never really knew him. What would she think of him if she knew his true thoughts, his true feelings? This is his own fault for being unable to stay away from her. He simply wants to stay at her side for as long as possible, even though it's all...

Arjuna takes one step forward. Then another.

A twinge at the back of his neck makes him straighten and steady - his eyes focus. Imperceptibly, there has been a shift in the air.

Arjuna extends one hand, prepared to draw his bow.

"Finally," the echo of Kama's voice floats from a distance, accompanied by a scent that is all wine, all flowers, all sex. "We haven't had a chance to properly talk yet."

Gandiva shimmers at his fingertips, just within reach.

"I have nothing to discuss with the likes of you," Arjuna says. "And if you intend to fight me -"

"I'm not interested in you that way," Kama drawls. "But I do want to get your opinion on this place. Are you enjoying yourself, o sinless one?"

Kama's avatar is an Assassin, and so she will be hard to detect, even for his eyes. Gandiva lands heavily in his palm, and he raises it before him just so.

"I thought it might be fun for you... This floor especially. You could stand to unwind a little bit." Kama's voice is closer now. "It's a shame that you and Zoe couldn't spend this time alone, but I'm not a miracle worker, you know?"

Arjuna reaches for an arrow. Lightning crackles between his fingers.

"You're awfully quiet," Kama complains, and it sounds as if she is very near now. Almost as if she is standing right before him. "What's the matter? Are you disappointed, o hero of the endowed? Tell me, what can I do to please you?"

And her voice changed as she said this, as the shadows coalesced, and then took shape, and it's shape -

Arjuna goes cold. Horror fills him, and confusion, and dread, and sorrow.

The woman standing before him is not Kama. Her smile is so familiar. He has not seen her in a lifetime. He does not relax his stance - years of training prevents it - but he cannot move. She's not really here, he tells himself, listening to the light, familiar sound of her approaching footsteps - she's not here. She has not been here, not for a thousand years. It's an illusion. A dream.

It is all a dream. All of it. Everything.

"No?" says the ghost, almost teasing. "You won't smile for me, my love? Even now?"

Arjuna does not even breathe.

The ghost merely smiles sadly. "You've grown far too serious, my love. I remember that you used to smile and laugh so easily. It breaks my heart to see you this way."

Ah. That is the reason for his sorrow. Even now, after all this time. But even so - this is Kama's trick. He realizes that he should feel angry - that he is angry - and he is going to -

"Or," the illusion says, nearly purring, "perhaps this form isn't to your taste anymore. Maybe you'd prefer something new to distract you?"

And her shape changes until -

Zoe stands before him - close enough that the arrow's tip rests just inches from her bare collarbones - close enough to reach out with one calloused hand and touch his cheek -

Arjuna releases his arrow like a bolt of lightning.

Kama goes flying, and the illusion shatters. She lands with a thud and a clatter at the end of the corridor, sprawled in a pool of blood - the dim lights from behind the papery walls flicker unsteadily as she recovers. Even such a blow as he had landed was not enough to fell a god like Kama, especially since she draws her power from the labyrinth and their sins.

Kama groans and rolls over, shuddering as she climbs to her face.

For a moment, the girl's form also flickers, and the shadow of the god who had once been appears - and then that too, is smoothed over, and Kama's face is alive with fury.

"You SHOT her?"

Arjuna nocks a second arrow.

"And if you disrespect her again in that matter," he says, "then the next one goes between your eyes."

Kama snarls. Already the wound in their chest is healing.

“You’re so ungrateful,” she spits, like a curse. “After everything I’ve done for you –”

Arjuna takes a step back. He does not fear Kama, but as long as her true power remains unclear, it’s best to stay back, as close to the hidden sanctuary as possible.

Unsteadily, Kama rises, arms wrapped around her chest, teeth bared. She is less a girl and more a beast. The passage of time is difficult to measure in the labyrinth, but it’s possible that years have passed, based on how the god’s form has changed. And there was no telling what she would become when they reached the depths of the Ooku. Arjuna wonders if he could manage a killing blow with just his arrows. It’s too risky to use a Noble Phantasm, but there are no finer archers in all the world. Surely even he –

Kama just stares at him, and then disappears with a grimace. The place where she once stood is littered with flower petals, and the scent of perfume only thickens.

Frowning, Arjuna covers his mouth and nose as Gandiva disappears. Perhaps the god has gone now – perhaps that was what had caused the oppressive atmosphere inside. If it was really true that Kama could not enter this room, then it was perfectly reasonable to imagine that the god had been stalking them this entire time. Perhaps it was all a bad dream. He has been overthinking lately, or trying not to. This place must be getting to him. He has to focus on protecting Zoe. After all, this is the reason why he was summoned to Chaldea.

Even if it would never be what he wanted, at least he could do this much.

He re-enters the room just as quietly as he left, but he finds Sessoyin awake, staring at him.

Arjuna pauses, and frowns. “I knew you weren’t sleeping.”

“I’m glad I wasn’t the only one who kept themselves alert,” says the nun, with a serene smile. “I have sensed Kama’s presence for some time. The closer we get to the inner sanctum, the more intense it becomes. It’s deliciously fascinating.”

Another odd phrase. Sessoyin certainly is strange. Discomforting is a good word for it. Arjuna knows that Zoe is the only one he can really trust in this place. Sessoyin, he thinks, is the link that will lead them to Kama. She has been unusually attuned to the god’s movements and whims, even more so than Parvarti. Instead of dwelling on it, he pulls the last set of blankets from the corner and moves into the open space of the room.

“Did she say anything to you?” Sessoyin asks. She is so straightforward and innocent in her tone. It makes Arjuna’s skin crawl. “You never know. It could be a clue.”

“She came to make a nuisance of herself,” Arjuna replies, settling in. “I landed a blow, and she ran but I doubt I did any serious damage.”

“Hmm.” Sessoyin closes her eyes once more. “I hope that you enjoy your dream, o triumphant prince.”

Arjuna scowls, but does not otherwise react to what is obviously some kind of bizarre taunt. He looks over to see Zoe, to assure himself that she is still here.

In all this time, Zoe has not opened her eyes and seems to have barely stirred. There is a faint smile on her face as she dreams.

Arjuna lays there in the dark, peaceful room, and does not sleep a wink.

///

Eventually the dream comes to an end.

One by one, they disappear. The labyrinth disappears, and then they are standing in the garden courtyard that they had first arrived in. First is Parvarti, at least freed from her human vessel, and then Munenori, and then Mata Hari and the storyteller. And then Zoe turns to Arjuna, and smiles. Her outline has faded. Unlike the Servants, she emits no unearthly glow, no shower of sparks. She is simply untethered to this world, this broken time. She is returning back to the place she belongs.

As he now must.

Even so… I feel…

Arjuna looks away from her smile. “It seems I’ll be last this time.”

Zoe grins, but seems to think better of it. Her expression softens with concern. “You seem upset. But it's not like we won't see each other again."

Something is wrong. Arjuna feels it in his bones. In his fractured heart. The sky is darkening. The stars seem very close, somehow. The garden is fading. Everything is fading, and Arjuna is –

“I don’t want to go,” he blurts out. He covers his mouth, his face, with both hands, but the words feel like they are being physically torn out of his throat. Like he’ll die if he doesn’t say it. Like he’s possessed by whatever dark thing has been growing in him since the moment he set foot in the Ooku.

Zoe pales and steps forward. "Arjuna."

“I don’t want to go. I want to stay with you. I want to go to Chaldea. I don’t want to leave.”

But that makes less sense, as he says it. Hadn’t he already been in Chaldea? That was why Zoe had summoned him here. He was her loyal Servant, her partner –

Zoe reaches for him, touching her fingertips to his wrist. She was a ghost, barely clinging to this world.

“I’ll come back to get you,” she promises. She seems to understand all the things that don’t make sense, but she’s already too far away. Her voice is the strongest thing about her, frantically assuring him. “It’s okay. Just – just stay where you are. Wherever you are, I’ll come and get you. And then you can stay in Chaldea. Just wait for me, and don’t go anywhere. I’ll come back. I will.”

And then she is gone, and the garden is gone, and Arjuna is among the stars.

For a long moment, nothing happens. And the moment drags, and stretches, and something is wrong, and his heart is broken, and he is afraid, afraid, afraid of what, he doesn’t know.

But it is dark all around him, and inside of him, and then –

There is a gap between the stars. At once, he knows – this signature, the pulse of divine power like a throbbing heartbeat – and Kama takes shape, pulling herself out of the sky. She floats into his face, and her smile is cruel.

Arjuna cannot move. Even if he wanted to reach for Gandiva, it would have been impossible. The Singularity was gone. Zoe was gone. There was nothing left. Nothing. It was all… empty.

“So,” Kama asks, sweet as poison. “Did you enjoy yourself in the end?”

Arjuna cannot speak. His mind is moving, and there is so much that he now understands. Everything, everything.

“Cat got your tongue?” asks Kama, sardonic. “How disappointing. I guess without Zoe’s humanity to anchor you, you really don’t have a personality. Shame. What a waste of a pretty face.”

He understands. And it doesn’t matter. Nothing does.

“You’re just lucky she likes you more than that nun,” says Kama, snickering. “She didn’t even question why you appeared. She was so happy to see you. Maybe if you’d been more proactive, she would have even loved you instead of that other guy.”

And he’s forgetting already. He forgets the face of the storyteller, the swordsman, the brave woman who mastered the labyrinth. And Zoe. But he doesn’t want to forget Zoe. He loves Zoe. He wants to hold on to that. He can’t forget, even though none of it matters in the end.

“I was never in Chaldea,” he says, and his voice is far away to his own ears. He is in pieces, and it is all draining out of him. All of that darkness and fear, like so much dust in the wind. All of his love, and his pride, and everything that matters, shriveling up like ashes, and gone. He is clean, and empty, and he understands everything.

“Of course not,” Kama replies, smug. “You were always too proud to answer a summons from a mere mortal. Even the precious Master of your heart, the one you claim to love so very much.” Her smile becomes a snarl. “And you couldn’t bear to even look at an imperfect god like me.”

And then she is bright, wicked and cold. “But in the end, it’s thanks to your arrogance. You allowed me to escape, so that I could do all of this in the first place. Even if Zoe and the others did manage to defeat me, I guess bringing you out here was the least I could do to thank you. Say whatever you like about me but I always repay my debts.”

The sky greys, and even the stars are disappearing. Even Kama is fading away.

“So, seriously, tell me – did you enjoy your dream?”

Arjuna closes his eyes. He thinks – Zoe – and – then –

///

There is a blue sky.

The sky is always blue. It has been, and will be. Just that endless expanse over the world which is now full of flowers. The sky will darken when the world ends.

“Ah, Almighty,” says a warm, untrustworthy voice. The robed figure beside him has been there for some time, but he cannot remember how long, or why they had come, or what their original purpose was. In any case, it does not matter. The cycle will begin anew soon. “You closed your eyes for such a long time, I thought you might have actually fallen asleep this time.”

The monk approaches, and the air stirs. The wind whispers over them like a gentle touch. Like the touch of a loved one, who tries her best to comfort you when you are afraid.

…What a strange thought.

It is gone. Like it never existed.

“What did you dream of?” asks the monk with two faces.

He does not remember.

#fgo #fate grand order #fate series #my writing #mastersona

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darker-soft-starker · 5 years

Photo

Starker Next Door Neighbour AU

----

Tonys new neighbour is kinda weird.

Like, he’s not trying to be callous or anything. But he’s just, y’know. Strange.

They first met four months ago.

The apartment opposite Tony’s had been vacant for only two weeks ever since old Mrs. Perry moved to Florida to retire with her grandkids. That was until one rainy Tuesday, when Tony sighted his new neighbour trudging down the hallway, hauling box after box through the elevator, whistling to himself as he relocated all of his belongings to 7C.

Tony, on his way out, had first seen the guy trying to precariously balance a large box in his arms whilst trying to unlock his apartment door at the same time. Predictably, he’d dropped his keys and Tony had swooped in and picked them up for him.

“Oh my gosh, thank you” the guy had said earnestly, shaking Tony’s hand after opening his door. “Yikes, I’m such a mess. Mercury in retrograde, am I right?”

Tony had nodded, having no idea what he was talking about, and promptly left.

So, the new guy - Peter, he had later learned was his name - was cute. Fluffy curls, gorgeous skin, irresistible big brown eyes.

But he was, y’know, a little bizarre.

Tony’s not even exaggerating.

Every time he goes into the hallway he’s met with a sneeze-inducing wave of patchouli and incense, holding his breath as he passes, wondering if he is living next door to a Shinto shrine. Tony swears at night that he hears humming. Like, of the om mani padme hum kind of variety. He hears the distant clang of singing bowls and tuning forks at midnight when he’s turning in to go to bed.

He thought about politely telling Peter to keep it down but every time he knocked on the door of 7C Peter just beamed at him in welcome and asked him about his day with genuine interest.

Tony bought ear plugs instead.

Tony swears that Peter can’t be any older than he is, early twenties at the youngest, but he says words like radical, dude and oopsy-daisy, groovy. One time he stubbed his toe around Tony and said fiddlesticks. He seems to be in and out at the weirdest times, waving burning sage at the letterboxes at three AM as if it were the normal thing to do.

“What do you even do,” Tony had asked one morning in the elevator. Peter was carrying a crate full of succulents, biceps bulging with the strain.

Peter looks down at his crate of plants and then back up to Tony as if it were obvious. The duh goes unsaid but Tony hears it.

“I’m a yoga teacher and a reiki practitioner,” he says, handing Tony a succulent from the crate.

Tony blinks down at the small potted plant.

“Um,” he says.

“It’s an echeveria elegans,” Peter explains, smiling.

“Do you... want me to hold this for you?”

“No, silly,” Peter had laughed. “It’s yours. Keep it in the sunlight and try not to over-do it with the water.”

Tony leaves the elevator more confused than before, clutching the succulent all the way to his 9:00AM class.

-------

Tony can handle weirdness. Tony can handle eccentricity. He can even handle the new plant he absolutely does not have time to care for and absolutely did not call Brenda.

But what Tony can’t handle is the ear-piercingly loud Gregorian chanting that comes from next door one night whilst he’s studying. Up for two days already, his concentration is shot by the guttural singing, the lead of his pencil snapping against his notebook in frustration. It’s nearly midnight for fucks sake.

Tony had stormed over, enraged and determined, and rapped his knuckles on the door for a good two minutes before it had swung open, a smiling Peter giving him a warm welcome on the other side.

“Do you mind?” Tony had demanded. “I’m trying to study for my thesis.”

Peter looked taken aback, contriteness making his big brown eyes dewy and soft.

“Oh my gosh,” he’d said, extending a hand out, “I’m so sorry about that. Hang on, wait here. Please wait.”

So Tony had waited, expecting Peter to rush to lower the volume. Instead, he’d returned with a fist-sized, green and purple rock-crystal thing, presenting it to Tony with a grin.

Peter had placed it in Tony’s palm, using both hands to curl Tony’s fingers over the heavy, polished stone.

“There,” Peter says proudly. “It’s fluorite.”

“It’s what,” Tony blinks.

“For clarity and concentration,” Peter explains, beaming a mile wide. “Keep it, okay? Good luck on your thesis.”

He’d closed the door, leaving Tony with a rock in his hand and the chanting continued.

Tony bought noise-cancelling headphones to put over his ear-plugs.

He definitely didn’t place the fluorite on his windowsill by his bed or smile at it sometimes or run his fingers over its smooth edges.

Ever since it’s been a never ending stream of peculiar behaviour, weird conversations about moon phases, etheric bodies and third eyes while waiting for their laundry to dry in the basement, the effect of the upcoming perigee syzygy on the neighbourhood and guessing Tony’s star sign.

“Cancer, right?”

“What?”

“Your zodiac sign,” Peter answers, rubbing at his eyebrow, pushing the hairs askew. His nails are painted black.

“Gemini,” Tony answers warily, piling his underwear and bedsheets into his basket.

“Damn, I was close,” Peter smiles, pouring his own mixture of organic fabric softener into the washer. “I’ll figure you out yet.”

Tony wants to reach over and smooth down the raised hairs on his eyebrow.

He’s a perfectionist, that’s all.

But in any case Tony just continues to go about his life, continues to study, grade his papers. He visits his optometrist and gets a new prescription and wonders how he is going to pay his phone bill when he spends more on heating over the winter than he intended.

It's all fine, whale music and white sage aside.

Not that he’d ever admit it, but it’s kinda nice.

-----

One day Tony rouses from his slumber to hear loud voices outside, the bellow of protesters on the main arterial street below. Tony thinks nothing of it and pops in his ear plugs, keen to get another hour of sleep before he has to be at his class. Being a TA is the worst.

Later, Tony watches the local news, watching in horrified fascination as his neighbour is one of the many arrested for protesting at a rally of a visiting Republican senator.

“What’s with the pyjamas?” Tony had queried at the letterboxes the following day, roaming his eyes over the soft-looking Hello Kitty pants that Peter had been arrested and released in - and was still wearing.

The pictures of his arrest had been on twitter for gods sake. He was trending as #hellokittyguy. It was all his students were talking about.

“Oh, I’d slept in,” was all Peter said.

“You slept in. To a protest.”

“Irresponsible, I know. I’m already beating myself up, don’t worry.”

At this stage, Tony can’t even find himself to be bothered by it. He’s so used to the sound of the koto, the wind flute and kalimba from next door that it’s damn near unsettling to go without it. Tony’s used to the weird attire, from the ponchos and the sandals and the fisherman pants in mid-winter, the beaded bracelets and rose quartz pendants. He’s even used to finding Peter knocking on his door, asking for salt or milk or handing him personalised organza bags filled with small crystals and incense cones and charms.

And if he looks forward to their talks at the door? It’s only Tony’s business.

One night Peter sets off the fire alarm from burning rope incense. He says he got it when he went to Nepal, apologising profusely to the grouchy occupants who send him withering stares.

Tony doesn’t even ask, too busy staring at Peters lithe, muscled frame that had been hiding under the baggy clothes. The man is clad only in his underwear, didn’t think to grab anything when he’d fled to the emergency meeting point.

It’s three in the morning. Tony’s not even mad.

"Did you know your aura is gold and red,” Peter had asked that night, wandering over to him and accepting an offered a cigarette.

“No,” Tony yawned, taking a drag and wishing he was back in his own bed, fire truck lights flashing, dizzying and disorienting.

“S’nice. Pretty.”

Peter wraps his arms around himself and shivers, the cool night air sending goosebumps over his pale skin.

Tony quickly shrugs his own jacket off his shoulders and offers it to Peter so he doesn’t have to stare at the obscene way his nipples harden.

“Thanks, Tony. You’re a sweetheart.”

“I’m not - it’s not a big deal,” Tony grumbles. “You looked like you needed it, so.”

Peter smothers his smile in the collar of Tony’s jacket. Tony still sees it.

His stomach squirms like the first time he held someones hand.

“Do you want to have dinner sometime?” Peter asks, as they pile back upstairs an hour later after the building has been cleared.

“Yeah, okay,” Tony agrees, eyeing the dimples of Peters lower back and the crevice of his muscles where his spine rests. He’s got an ass that’s so perfect it deserves to be worshipped but Tony isn’t looking at it. He’s not.

“Tomorrow work for you?”

Tony nods, watching Peter disappear back into his apartment with an awkward wave and a smile. He’s still wearing Tony’s jacket.

If Tony goes back inside his apartment and jerks off to the image of Peter wearing just his jacket and nothing else, well then, no one else needs to know.

----

The following evening Tony knocks on Peters door, dressed in jeans and a nice shirt. He adjusts his glasses where they perch on his nose as he waits, sliding them up as Peter opens the door, beckoning him inside.

The interior looks very different to Tony’s apartment, is the first thing he notices.

Plants hang from the ceiling, there is a large afghan rug in the living room, all the furniture is mismatched, a sofa and an armchair with different patterns and colours, all the bookshelves are of different wood and sizes.

There are cushions everywhere, crystals and rocks on almost every surface, incense burning by the open window, stacks and stacks of books on the divine and lunar charts on the walls. Michelle Branch is playing unironically from the speakers on Peters bookshelves.

“I didn’t know what to bring, so,” Tony mumbles, tearing his eyes away from a copy of the Karma Sutra and holding up store bought cake and a bottle of red wine.

“Oh, that’s perfect,” Peter gushes, kissing Tony’s cheek and taking the items from him and herding him onto the sofa. “Sit, sit. I’ll be right back.”

Tony sits, a little dazed. The spot on his cheek where Peters lips touched his skin burns.

There’s an old TV in the corner and a CD player straight out of the nineties nestled in the corner between book stacks.

There’s two magazines on the coffee table: National Geographic and Cosmopolitan. God, Peter is so, so...

Charming, is the word that comes unbidden to Tony’s mind when Peter bounds back into the living room, two glasses of wine clutched in his hands, the charms on his beaded bracelets clinking together. He’s barefoot, Tony notices. His toenails are painted black, too.

“So, I have a confession to make,” Peter begins, passing Tony a glass and sitting beside him on the sofa.

“Oh, god,” Tony winces. “You’re not an anti-vaxxer, are you?”

He didn’t even think about that.

“What,” Peter blinks. “No.”

“Okay, good. Sorry. Continue.”

“I’m, uh, kinda broke. I know I invited you to dinner but all I have is cup ramen and Corona.”

“Oh,” Tony says, watching at how Peter smiles sheepishly, “That’s okay. I like cup ramen. I mean, I’m a student, so.”

“Is that okay?” Peter asks, cringing as he casts a look over to his tiny kitchenette. “Sorry, I was so shocked that you even agreed to come that I couldn’t even think.”

“Mercury in retrograde?” Tony guesses.

“No,” Peter laughs, looking at his hands bashfully. “You’re just really cool and handsome and sophisticated and I don’t know. It wasn’t in my tarot, so.”

It wasn’t in his tarot, Tony repeats in his mind, wondering when exactly he hit his head and found all of this attractive. He’s a man of science, alright?

“You been crushin’ on me, huh?” Tony asks, shifting closer until their thighs and shoulders touch.

“Yeah. You make me kinda nervous.”

“Well your tarot can’t tell you that I think you’re beautiful,” Tony reasons, sipping his wine. “Or delightful. Or that I think the way you swing your legs when you’re waiting for your drying is adorable.”

The flush that comes over Peters cheeks makes Tony’s heart beat faster.

“You really think that?”

“Against my better judgement,” Tony admits.

“What was it that did you in?” Peter asks, leaning in, drawing his knees up and looking like a pleased cat. “Was it the green fluorite? The rutilated quartz?”

Tony leans in to bridge the gap, pressing his lips against Peter’s in a sweet kiss. He tastes like coffee and wine and everything smells like lemongrass and palo santo.

“Just your cute, quirky self,” Tony says against his lips. “And maybe the blue calcite.”

Peter laughs against his mouth. “I knew it.”

---

Later, when Tony is curled up against Peter’s bare chest, still catching his breath, Peter asks him on a second date.

“There’s a climate change rally at the State Library this weekend, if you’re interested. We could have matching signs and drink Corona after.”

“Baby,” Tony yawns, eyes heavy, “you do that thing with your tongue again and I’ll go anywhere with you.”

“Sweet,” Peter says, pressing a kiss into Tony’s hair.

Yeah, Tony thinks as he drifts off, it is.

#starker #starker fic #next door neighbour au #fluff #no shade on peter #peter is me #tony x peter #spideriron

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laserbobcat · 4 years

Text

Pick a card reading for the week to come!

Yeah, I read tarot a lot but never tried those. Mercury’s retrograde and we’re supposed to check inside and be careful with how we communicate because mercury retrograde is a messy time. A bit of advice may help! Pick a number and check below!

Reading 1!

General energy : 4 of pentacles. That week has a « stuck and stubborn and afraid » vibe. Sitting firmly on that big ass chest may make you feel secure, but are you happy? What would you be doing if you weren't afraid of a lack of ressources if you get your ass away from the chest and out to enjoy the sun? The problematic : Calming in the reverse. We got some serious choking stress here. You need and deserve to do whatever brings you a sense of calm and peace. Step away from internal and external conflicts long enough to chill. Send yourself the message that you have your back and are here for yourself. Take a pause, a vacation. You're not truly productive if you're stressed af anyway. Nothing to lose! Final card : Unbound. Yeah, not surprising. Heavy stuff resurfaces to be seen and healed. It's happening already. Have a good check up on your habbits and patterns, those that no longer serve you have to be thanked for their service and released. The other cards suggest it's something about lack mentality and stress. Take a breath, take care of yourself first, and observe as you relax. Things are not as dire as you feel. Are you afraid old situations will repeat if you loosen your grip? The past is in the past. Enjoy the new, less stressed you at the end of this cleaning!

Reading 2!

General energy : the hanged man. Major arcana! Feeling stuck. That’s a retrograde mood. You're going to feel frustrated this week. But! Being upside down gives you a good opportunity to see things in another perspective. And you got the key in your hands anyway! You'll move on sooner or later. For now, relax, breathe, observe, think. It's a learning period. Insight : Nurture. Well! If you're stuck, might as well pamper yourself in the meantime. Ask yourself : How do i want to nurture myself? And do it. Bath? Vacation? Warm soup Asking for quality time with a friend? Sleeping for 12 hours? Whatever, give it to yourself, you need and deserve it. Final card : Deep replenishment. Did you overdo it lately ? Cause this reading is really heavy handed with the will you fucking sit still and relax message. Again with the questions! What lights me up? What fills my soul? What makes me happy? And go for it! You need a breathe in. And don't think it's selfish! The most selfless thing you can do is taking care of yourself. Nobody can help with an empty tank. You're just going to end up seeking help in roundabout way cause you need it. So shortcut, do it now. Ask for help/company too if you want. When you're full, sharing will come back again naturally.

Reading 3!

General energy : King of cups and Death. Wow! Two cards popped up. Important stuff. The king of cups is an awesome guy. He's wise and sweet and always there to help people. But he can be lonely. Be careful to not keep others at arm's lenght, away from your heart. Death's message is clear, something has to go. That cord is breaking anyway, the sooner you cut it, the sooner you're free to check on that door that just opened. Don't be afraid of things dying and doors closing. Things have to go to let new stuff take the space. Death does not make you suffer for the sake of it. There's always wisdom and a gift there. The problematic : Truth. Not some genral outside truth, but your truth, specifically. Don't worry about what's ultimately true and be more curious about yourself. Maybe the thing that has to die is your way of seeing the world of your self concept ? Whatever it is, let it go, new clarity is coming in. Be open and curious. « What if » is your friend this week. Oracle card : Answer the call and Akasha. Damn the cards want a point getting accross for this one, they keep popping in pairs. This is the replacing part. Whatever dies to be replaced, whatever path you're called to, go for it ! You're guided. Yeah, shedding old ways can be frightening, and you may feel scared without your old landmarks, but don't resist! Death will kick your butt out anyway. And some awesome gifts are waiting for you- and you're guided. You're super extra safe even if it doesn't feel like it. Who are you and what do you really want? Be exited cause you're going to get answers! Get off your island and don't be afraid to get a bit wet. Answer the call.

#tarot #oracle #reading #weakly reading #pick a card #Hey that was fun #it takes time though #idk if I'll do this every week #we'll see #hope it helps!#happy retrograde XD

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ms-m-astrologer · 4 years

Text

Transiting Mercury enters Scorpio, pre-Rx Shadow

Timeline (current events in BOLD)

Wednesday, September 23, 20:55 UT - transiting Mercury enters Rx shadow, 25:54 Libra

Sunday, September 27, 07:41 UT - transiting Mercury enters Scorpio

Thursday, October 1, 15:49 UT - Mercury’s greatest eastern elongation, 4:36 Scorpio

Wednesday, October 14, 01:05 UT - transiting Mercury stations retrograde, 11:40 Scorpio

Sunday, October 25, 18:23 UT - Sun-Mercury inferior conjunction, 2:47 Scorpio

Wednesday, October 28, 01:33 UT - transiting Mercury retrogrades back into Libra

Tuesday, November 3, 17:50 UT - transiting Mercury stations direct, 25:54 Libra

Tuesday, November 10, 17:00 UT - Mercury’s greatest western elongation, 29:47 Libra

Tuesday, November 10, 21:55 UT - transiting Mercury re-enters Scorpio

Thursday, November 19, 21:04 UT - transiting Mercury exits post-retrograde shadow, 11:40 Scorpio

This is the part of the process where Mercury moves into Scorpio and begins to brood incessantly over the various resentments it has discovered - in others as well as in itself. What does it mean if all those Capricorn placements don’t want to harmonize or negotiate?

What’s intriguing (to me) is that the aspects Mercury is going to make, are bracketed by a conjunction to Juno and a sextile to Venus - both of which entities are associated with the sign Libra, which is where Mercury began this Rx Zone. It could mean that we need to try harder to get along with others. It could also mean that “getting along with others” doesn’t necessarily translate into “letting others have their own way for the sake of peace.” What do you think?

Wednesday, September 30, 06:05 UT - Juno/Scorpio conjunct Mercury/Scorpio, 3:11 (3 degrees, 11 minutes)

First of three, with #2 happening on Oct. 19 and #3 on Nov. 26 (after Mercury has exited the Rx shadow; also Thanksgiving Day in the US, hmmm).

When these two planet type thingies get together, writes Demetra George (Asteroid Goddesses), we are “learning to listen without judgement to another’s point of view.” It gives us (if we want it to) the ability to communicate with clarity to our partners, which in turn contributes to increased intimacy. Since this is the first of three conjunctions, we may become aware of a situation or of circumstances which indicate some difficulty in communicating effectively.

But I’m intrigued by Juno being the symbol for the powerless - Demetra’s list includes “women, battered wives, abused children, victims, minorities, disabled, victims of sexual violence.” And I’m also aware that Juno is associated with the atmosphere. Climate refugees, anyone?

If you aren’t in a relationship right now, you may want to channel this energy towards learning about issues related to those topics. How can you help powerless people find their voice? (Not speak for them.)

Placements affected lie between 2:11 and 4:11 of all signs, and between 17:11 and 19:11 of the mutable signs Gemini, Virgo, Sagittarius, and Pisces.

Thursday, October 1, 15:49 UT - Mercury’s greatest eastern elongation, 4:36 Scorpio

The “greatest eastern elongation” is something that happens exclusively to Mercury and Venus - the two planets whose orbits lie between the Sun and the Earth. It means that the planet has moved as far ahead of the Sun, in the Zodiac, as it’s going to get. (That’s about 28 degrees for Mercury and 48 for Venus, but not always exactly that.)

It’s similar to the Last Quarter lunar phase, in which we turn away from old constructs that no longer work for us - mental constructs, in Mercury’s case.

Scorpio tends to hang on to things for too long - the sign has sometimes been described, in older books, as “Scorpio would rather sting itself to death, rather than give up the pleasure of stinging.” Eeek. Check out your brains for something along these lines, and turn away from it.

Placements affected lie between 3:36 and 5:36 of all signs, and between 18:36 and 20:36 of the mutable signs Gemini, Virgo, Sagittarius, and Pisces.

Sunday, October 4, 05:55 UT - Chiron Rx/Aries inconjunct Mercury/Scorpio, 6:51

First of three, with #2 on Oct. 22 and #3 on Nov. 15. Making adjustments due to woundedness over communications, is the bare bones interpretation of this aspect. Sometimes I wonder what’s worse, getting hurt, or being the reason for someone else’s hurt. This may also play out as becoming physically ill due to those hurt feelings.

Placements affected lie between 5:51 and 7:51 of all signs, but especially Gemini and Virgo.

Tuesday, October 6, 03:21 UT - North Node/Gemini (23:27) sesquare Mercury/Scorpio (8:27); South Node/Sagittarius (23:27) semi-square Mercury/Scorpio(8:27)

Another three-peat, alas and alack; #2 on Oct. 21 and #3 on Nov. 15. Since the North Node in Gemini is the overall “vibe” we’re all supposed to be striving toward, and since Mercury is the ruler of Gemini, you just hate to see this conflict. We’re on a course to discover which of our resentments and our stubbornly cherished notions, keep us from attaining that North Node goal.

Placements affected lie between 7:27 and 9:27 of the fixed signs Taurus, Leo, Scorpio, and Aquarius; and between 22:27 and 24:27 of the mutable signs Gemini, Virgo, Sagittarius, and Pisces.

Wednesday, October 7, 08:55 UT - Uranus Rx/Taurus opposite Mercury/Scorpio, 9:37

Another three-peat, with #2 on Oct. 19 and #3 on Nov. 17.

Mercury enters its “Storm” period today - i.e., it’s moving less than 40 minutes per day. According to Llewellyn, “The Storm acts like the retrograde. Not favorable for new projects - just follow through with the items that are already on your plate. Write down new ideas with date and time they occurred.” And what a way to start out, with an opposition to Uranus. Did you know that Uranus is said to be the “higher octave” of Mercury? Which I have always taken to mean “this is what Mercury wants to be when it grows up.” Here, Uranus may be slapping down little Merc from any pretensions to even approaching Uranus’ levels.

Remember, oppositions work through other people. Someone else is refusing to budge, perhaps? Someone not only won’t take back what they said, they’re doubling down?

Placements affected lie between 8:37 and 10:37 of the fixed signs Taurus, Leo, Scorpio, and Aquarius; and between 23:37 and 25:37 of the mutable signs Gemini, Virgo, Sagittarius, and Pisces.

Monday, October 12, 16:39 UT - Venus/Virgo sextile Mercury/Scorpio, 11:33

Unlike most of what’s gone on before now, this is a one-and-done sextile. Some quiet words of friendly advice, maybe? Venus is in Mercury’s sign, but she isn’t comfortable there at all - Virgo is Venus’ fall. She may have a different, fresher perspective to shed on what for Mercury may be “standard operating procedure.” We’re lucky to have a flowing aspect to finish up this section of Mercury Retrograde, but Virgo is quiet and doesn’t put herself forward - and the sextile itself is a “take it or leave it” aspect. We’re going to have to pay close attention, to be able to take advantage of the situation.

Placements affected lie between 10:33 and 11:40 of the yin signs Taurus, Cancer, Virgo, Scorpio, Capricorn, and Pisces.

#Astrology #Transiting Mercury enters Scorpio #Ms M astrologer

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setsuna-maru · 3 years

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Chapters: 3/? Fandom: InuYasha - A Feudal Fairy Tale, 半妖の夜叉姫 | Hanyou no Yashahime | Yashahime: Princess Half-Demon (Anime) Rating: Explicit Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings Relationships: Rin/Sesshoumaru (InuYasha) Characters: Rin (InuYasha), Sesshoumaru (InuYasha), Zero (Hanyou no Yashahime), Riku (Hanyou no Yashahime), Jaken (InuYasha) Additional Tags: Pre-Hanyou no Yashahime, Canon-Typical Violence, Established Relationship, Dreams and Nightmares, Angst, Pregnancy, Horror Elements Summary:

Rin and Sesshoumaru have embarked on the life of expectant parents to hanyo twins but not everyone is happy for the devoted couple. In the shadows awaits a spider whose venomous bite will both rekindle old nightmares and create entirely new ones.

Zero, still resentful from the Inu no Taisho's rejection and death hundreds of years earlier, schemes to bring down his son Sesshoumaru and his human bride.

All the while, the ill-fated pair will make the most of their fleeting time together, forging a unique path and dancing to their own rhythm.

Chapter 1: the night bandits/venus; the star love, who waits for the moon

nocturne one: the night bandits

(in the darkest point of night, I want you to be here like before...)

It’s as though Rin has been sent back in time, for she finds herself walking around her old village; a small child once again. She's having trouble coming to terms with the sudden reversal. Looking down at her body she sees tiny, bare feet and a distinct lack of womanly curves. Her kimono is one she remembers well but hasn't worn in many years. A pinkish-red garment that wraps around her lithe, diminutive frame as she brushes her now child-sized hands across it in confusion and disbelief. Her view of her surroundings is that of a child’s too; once more knee-high to the rest of the world, she must gaze upwards at seemingly everyone and everything she comes across.

This isn't right , she thinks. We're all those years just a dream? Had she never really grown up? Had Sesshoumaru-sama been merely a dream? All of her adventures? The time spent living with Kaede-sama in the miko's village? It's heartbreaking to think that the entire life that she lived since leaving this place might never have actually happened at all. She wonders, sadly, what about her babies? An expectant mother—the last she remembered—at the age she's regressed to, motherhood could be enacted only with dolls and her own imagination.

She idly wanders the village, re-visiting all the old landmarks of her childhood. She passes the paddy fields, the fish preserve, the drunken old hermit who always sat beside the same rock with a bottle of sake clutched in his hand. When he drank he liked to sing songs about the good old days and he sings the same one each time she passes. “ That’s the sound of a million ships/ just sailin’ away/it can feel like before/comin’ through, either way.” At one point, Rin even comes upon the dilapidated shack that she'd lived in after becoming an orphan. She enters it and there’s a wolf, curled up asleep on her bed of straw and she swiftly but silently backs away until she’s on the main pathway again.

She remembers how to get to her childhood home; knows the path like the back of her hand. She chooses to avoid it; backtracking or taking a sudden swing in the opposite direction when she realizes she’s getting too close. It’s as if returning there would mean accepting that her life since the death of her family had been nothing more than an illusion. She’s not ready for that. She’s still in denial, thinking that if she turns the right corner she’ll end up back under a tree; her head in Sesshoumaru’s lap, their hanyo twins growing in her womb. It’s as if the village itself is waiting on her to accept her retrogradation; the villagers do not speak to her or seem to even acknowledge that she’s there. It’s like she’s caught in some strange limbo; unable to rejoin this world but prevented from moving on. She floats through the village like a spirit who does not belong there anymore. A stranger in a body she can't accept as her own; merely the puppeteer of it's bird-like, underdeveloped limbs.

Eventually, the world gets tired of waiting for her while she wanders around in circles and Rin is deposited into her childhood home. She had taken a left at the singing hermit (“ That’s the sound of a million ships/just sailin’ away/it can feel like before/comin’ through, either way.”) and walked directly into the cozy wooden house of her youth. Her mother is sitting in the middle of the room, tending to the fire pit. Her brothers play a game in the corner. Her father has dozed off on the straw mat, exhausted after a long day.

Her mother adds another log to the burning flames and addresses her daughter. “Rin, don’t be lazy. You’ve been mucking around for years now. Enough is enough. Come help your Oka .”

Rin’s cheeks flushed in embarrassment. Her mother knew; knew Rin had been gone for years. How could she have let her mother think she’d abandoned the family like that? What kind of daughter was she? Why would she ever—

None of this makes any sense. She’d had every reason to believe that her family were dead and gone forever. She’d watched them die. It had seemed so real; her most painful memory. The one that had continued to haunt her for long after. She'd watched these people die but here they were, nonetheless.

She looks at her now-living family and wants to feel happy. That horrible night; the screaming, the stabbing, the blood—It had all been just some terrible dream. And now, they’ve been given a second chance. She could look forward to the future where her family was alive and they could all be together again.

But, despite telling herself this, Rin can’t muster up a single feeling of happiness at the sight in front of her. It was like looking at ghosts. Ghosts that don’t even realize they’re ghosts.

Dead dead dead. All of you are dead, she thinks.

A bright, orange light starts to emit from outside. Rin turns around. There’s light emitting from the lone window at the front wall and from a bright square that has formed around the doorway. She goes over and pushes the doorway curtain aside to see what’s going on but the light is so bright it nearly blinds her. She reaches an arm up to cover her eyes as she lets the curtain fall.

When she opens her eyes again, everything is dark. She's still in her family's old house but it’s almost pitch-black and she struggles to make out the forms of her parents and brothers, asleep under their covers. The orange glow begins to peek through the window again and the room is gradually illuminated with the color—the color of flames, she realizes.

Against the far wall, the orange light begins to morph into distinctive shapes. Hulking men in armor with weapons in their grasps. Behind her she can hear the stomping of horse hoofs and the cries of the neighbors. The orange glow illuminates the entire room now, in a mockery of daylight. The light is oppressive and overly luminescent and makes it seem as though the house could explode into flames at any second.

The stomping noise is now dangerously close and Rin dives out of the path of the doorway moments before men on horseback crash through the front wall of the house. It's instant chaos as the horses neigh loudly, the men shout and her family screams as they scramble out of bed.

Rin’s only instinct is to escape. It makes her feel like a terrible coward but she knows she'll surely be killed if she stays. The bandits have already started on her parents. One of them roughly grabs her mother, yanking off the kimono she'd been sleeping under and stabbing her with a long spear. The painful howls emitting from her mother’s mouth are even more awful to hear than the sight is to witness.

She needs to get away. Praying the chaos will be enough to allow her to get out of the house unnoticed, she props herself up on her hands and knees and crawls as quickly and quietly as she can to the doorway. As soon as she makes it outside, she climbs to her feet and breaks into a run.

Her escape doesn't bring safety though. It did, once. In a memory she no longer trusts was ever real.

The bandits are everywhere.

There's no direction she can run to avoid them. While she stands immobile in the middle of the village, desperately considering her dwindling options, the bandits begin to notice her. They point and yell. "The little girl, let's take her too!"

"Grab her before she gets away!"

"Kill her if she tries to resist!"

"Kill her anyway!"

They begin to advance on her and Rin can think of only way she could possibly be saved.

"Sesshoumaru-sama!" She screams. But it's too early. He doesn't know her yet. If he ever really existed at all. If he wasn't just a dream she'd made up in her mind.

"Sesshoumaru-sama!" She screams again. She screams his name over and over again until she feels the bandits blade in her side and the moist flow of blood as it drips down her skin.

tarantella one: venus; the star love, who waits for the moon

(when you go, do you miss me?)

Rin's eyes snap open and in her first few manic moments of consciousness, Rin bolts to a sitting position and pulls her kimono up to examine her leg. The sensation of something wet on her thigh is still there. A quick exploration with her fingers confirms this and her heart drops. She pushes more of the fabric out of the way to get a better view and her eyes land on the trail of blood running down her leg.

Real, real, it was real, she thinks as she frantically searches for a wound. Something had really hurt her, stabbed her, and now she was going to bleed out on the forest floor. In her distressed state, she ignores what should be the curious lack of pain if she had indeed suffered a flesh wound. Instead, she continues to look for evidence of the deep cut she’s convinced is somewhere on her body.

"Rin," a low, deep voice breaks into her panicked thoughts.

"Calm yourself.” Sesshoumaru leans down on one knee beside her, his clawed hand coming to cradle her chin.

“The bleeding just started. I smelled it and was about to wake you." The voice is measured but laced with concern. She was one of the few people who have recognized the nuance.

It’s such a relief for Rin to hear that voice. Just hearing his voice and being in his presence grounds her and she allows herself to accept that the experience had only been a nightmare and she's now safely back in the real world.

She was bleeding, though. Rin examines her leg closer. She's calmer now but still disorientated from the nightmare. Not completely back to reality just yet.

"Rin was having a nightmare," she says. "Someone stabbed me in my leg. There was so much blood," she explains.

"There's no wound," Sesshoumaru reassures her. "It was just a dream. The bleeding; it’s from your cycle.” His keen sense of smell meant he could accurately judge the difference.

She gulped nervously. “Do you think the babies are alright?”

“It’s probably nothing to worry about,” he reassures her again, although they’re both well aware that he’s hardly an expert in the subject.

This isn’t the first time this has happened to her. Rin had been a midwife-in-training and knew that women were supposed to cease bleeding during pregnancy, so when she’d bled the first time after knowing she was with child she’d panicked, believing she was having a miscarriage. Sesshomaru had had to rush her to the nearest human village so she could be told by a jaded local midwife with an obvious distaste for human-yokai relations that she hadn’t suffered a miscarriage. Apparently, continuing to bleed even while pregnant was normal and didn’t necessarily indicate a problem. Though, even with this information, Rin still found herself becoming anxious each time it happened subsequently.

“Rin is going to the pond to clean up,” she says, rising to her feet. “Will you wait here until I come back?” Her nightmare had greatly disturbed her and she really doesn’t want to return to find herself alone.

Sesshoumaru nodded and Rin began to walk toward the pond. Another stream of blood rolls down the length of her thigh and she holds her kimono and her underlayer up and away from her body. They were already slightly bloodied and she doesn’t want to risk staining them further.

It’s still very early in the morning. The sun has yet to come up and Rin has to strain her eyes to tell where she's going and walk slowly so she won’t trip over anything. Treading barefoot across the lush field at such an ethereal hour, she’s able to relax slightly. The stark, cool sensation of dewy blades of grass catching between her toes is refreshing compared to the warm, sticky blood that drips down her legs.

Rin wonders if the nightmares about her family’s death will ever go away completely. They had become significantly less frequent over the years and she’d gotten to the point where she could go months without having one at all. But they always returned. There seemed to be no comfort in the entire world, not even the devotion of Sesshoumaru-sama himself, that could keep them at bay.

She reached the pond and stripped off her kimono, leaving herself clad only in her hadajuban. She carefully rinses the blood out of the cloth and then sets it aside. Splashing some of the pond water onto her legs, Rin cleans the sticky liquid from her skin. Once she finishes, she picks up her kimono and begins to walk back before pausing to admire the sky. Dawn would be breaking soon; the first hints of sunlight were peeking out over the horizon, leaving only the brightest stars still visible.

“Beautiful, isn’t it,” a man’s voice, unfamiliar to her ears, breaks into her reverie.

Rin jumps a little, startled. She’d had no idea anyone else was even out there. Even though it’s still quite dark, she pulls her dampened kimono back on. It would be improper for a married woman like herself to be seen in her hadajuban by someone who wasn’t her husband. Once she’s convinced she’s decent enough, she darts her head around in search of the voice's origin. Blinking into the fading darkness, she spots a figure perched atop a rock at the edge of the pond. Had that person been there the entire time?

Rin could just make out the man’s appearance. He was fairly tall, with chin-length hair and wearing a dark kosode under a lighter colored haori and a pair of striped hakama. Despite addressing her, the man wasn’t looking towards her. Instead, his gaze was fixed on the lightening sky.

“That bright planet that hangs up there on early mornings like this; do you know the name of it?” he asks her.

Rin looks back to the sky, where one star burned bigger and brighter than any of the others.

“Oh,” she says, “‘that’s ‘the metal star’ isn’t it?” That was the name that Rin had known it by, although Miroku-sama had told them other names for it he had been aware of, like Jīn-xīng and Shukra Graha.

“Venus; the morning star,” the man says, eyes transfixed on the celestial object in question. “The star of love.”

Rin was intrigued by the man’s description. She could understand why it would be called ‘the morning star’ but...

“Why, ‘the star of love?’”

“There exists a far-off land called Rome,” he tells her, “where they ‘do as the Romans do’ as they say!” He says this with a laugh but Rin doesn’t get the reference and isn’t sure what about it is supposed to be funny.

“The ancient Romans worshipped Venus as their goddess of love and named the brightest star in the sky in her honor.”

“Ah!” he continues, “but the Romans aren’t the only ones who associate this star with love. Travel west towards the continent and you’ll find those who refer to it by two names; sao Mai, the morning star and sao Hôm, the evening star. Because they’re considered distinct entities, existing at different times, they’re likened to separated lovers. They also have another word for the same star, sao Vượt—The climbing star.”

The sky was becoming lighter and lighter as the man talked and Rin could make out his physical appearance more clearly now. He looked young and not really like any human Rin had encountered, with his auburn-colored hair. But he didn’t look like a yokai either. Perhaps he was a traveling foreigner; it would explain how he knew so much about far-away lands and cultures.

“The climbing star?” she inquires.

The man nods. “They have a poem about it; ‘When you go, do you miss me? I am the climbing star waiting for the moon in the sky .’”

“That’s beautiful,” Rin says. It reminds her of a song she used to sing. ‘I will wait, all alone/For Sesshoumaru-sama’s return.’

That was what she was, Rin thinks. A climbing star. A morning star. Venus, with all her love, who waits for her evening moon.

“It is?” the man asks. “Beautiful?”

“Yes,” Rin nods. “It reminds me of a song I used to sing.”

“Oh?” he says, finally turning to look at her. There’s a peculiar expression on his face. “What did it sound like—Your song?”

Rin feels a sudden sense of unease at the tone in his voice.

“Was it…” he hums a brief melody, “the sound of a million ships, just sailing away… ”

Rin can feel her heart sink. She knows she’s heard that before. But where had she heard that before? It sounded so familiar to her but try as she might, she just couldn’t place it. She racks her brain, trying to come up with the memory.

The man continues to stare at her, vacantly. All the friendliness from before has been drained away.

“Rin,” Sesshoumaru’s voice says from behind her. “Is this man bothering you?”

Rin turns around to see him standing there, eyes slightly narrowed.

“No, Sesshoumaru-sama, everything is fine. This man was just telling Rin about—”

She turns back to the mysterious stranger but there’s no one perched atop the rock and the man is nowhere to be seen.

#SessRin #SessRin Fanfic #SessRin Fanfiction #nocturnes and tarantellas #nocturnes and tarantellas chapter 1

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writingformadderton · 4 years

Text

The Book of You and I

Ship: Madderton

Word Count: 5449

Summary: Richard and Taron are a happy couple, hiding their relationship from the public. On their way home from a date they talk about coming out. They get involved into a car crash that will change everything overnight. Both of them have to go through their own trauma, but only one of them remembers everything...

Additional Tags: fluff, date, car crash, mention of blood, saying goodbye, memory loss, panic attack, friendship, Bodyguard, Rocketman

This here is the birthday request by @grungy-shirt I hope you like it :) - Nati

Part 2

Taron has his fingers tightly interlocked with Richard’s and smiles up to him. They just had a lovely dinner together at their favorite restaurant and are walking back to Richard’s car. The night is warm and the street lamps just turned on. Almost picture perfect. “Thank you.” he says.

“Oh that was nothing.” Rich says and smiles at him, fumbling in his pocket for his car keys. “Are you free tomorrow?”

“For you always, stunning.” Taron chuckles and stands up on his toes, kissing his cheek as Richard opens the car door for him. Taron wraps his arms around his waist and looks up to him with a big smile. “I love you so much.” he connects their lips to a sweet kiss and feels Rich fondling over his hair lovingly.

“I love you too.” Rich says smiling.

“Wanna stay the night? I’d love to have you close to me tonight.” he wiggles his eyebrows and giggles at Richard’s nod.

Richard just grins and closes the door behind him. He gets in on his side and buckles up before starting the car. “I think it’ll be good weather tomorrow. We could enjoy the sun a bit.”

“That sounds good.” T leans back in the seat and looks at Richard smiling.

“What?” he asks and focuses back on the road.

“I just love it when you drive, feels safe.” Taron mumbles and watches him adoringly. “I love you, Richie.” he says and doesn’t care about the fact that he told him that a few minutes ago.

“I love you too.” he says and smiles shortly at him.

“When exactly will we tell the public we’re actually a thing?” T asks and scratches his neck. “I mean we can’t hide it anymore and I don’t want to. I wanna spend my life with you and grow old with you.” He yawns a bit and looks over at his boyfriend. “And I don’t care if there are people that don’t like it, because you mean everything to me and I’ll never leave you.”

Rich smiles softly at his words. “We can announce it whenever you want.”

“How’s about when you win awards for bodyguard?” T teases him.

“It’s not even finished and you’re already thinking - Fuck.” Rich sees the woman crossing the street almost too late and pushes the brakes. Realizing that won’t be enough, he pulls the steering wheel right and they crash into a wall with the front of the car. Richard hears a loud bang and sees Taron’s head hitting the dashboard. He rubs his face and tries to push away the shock in his body to help his boyfriend.

Taron moans loudly as he pulls back a bit and holds his head. “Fuck.” he presses out and groans in pain. The pain in his head is excruciating and he carefully takes his hand away, feeling something wet. His hand is covered in blood and nausea takes over his body. He leans forward and retches. “Richie?” he whimpers in pain.

Richard turns at the sound of his name and sees how pale Taron becomes. His face is covered in blood and there’s a nasty wound on his forehead. “Fuck, T, are you okay?” His boyfriend wretches and throws up all over himself, coughing. Richard tries to open his own seat belt and succeeds after the fifth try. He leans over to Taron and rubs his back smoothly. "It’s okay. We’ll get you in a hospital.” he assures him and Taron braces himself, holding his pounding head and moaning loudly.

“I-I don’t think I can make it.” he groans and leans forward a bit. He never felt so much pain in one area and tears begin to well up in his eyes. “Fuck it hurts so much.” he groans and pushes himself up as he realizes he will pass out soon. Looking at Richard, maybe for the last time, he smiles weakly. “I love you forever, okay?”

Taron rolls his eyes and goes unconscious. Richard curses loudly and moves to get out. He tries to open the door, but it doesn’t work. “No, no, no.” he whines and tries again, throwing his body weight against it. He looks back at Taron. His white shirt is covered in blood now. Richard needs to get him out of here. He throws himself against the door over and over again until the door opens. Rich stumbles outside and rushes onto Taron’s side. He opens the door and unlocks his seat belt. Pulling him out of the car isn’t exactly easy when he doesn’t have any help. He tries his best.

The woman he nearly ran over suddenly appears next to him and helps him to get Taron outside. “Oh my god I am so sorry. I didn’t see the red light.” she apologizes and Richard can smell alcohol. “I called an ambulance. Is your friend okay?”

“No he’s not.” Obviously, Rich curses to himself. He holds Taron close feeling panic rising rapidly in his body. There was nothing more he wished for now than them working on set and the director screaming cut as soon as the ambulance rolled onto the scene. But there is no cut and no scene to be acted. It’s real life and consequences are ahead.

***

Later at the hospital, a nurse checks on him and asks him if anything hurts. Richard only shakes his head and takes the bottle of water thankfully. She brings him into the private room they’ll bring Taron into later and recommends him to get some rest.

But the shock and anxiety in his body are pulsing too rapidly to rest, so he paces the room and only sits down when exhaustion hits him.

After what felt like a week, but was only an hour, a nurse brings Taron in, lying on a bed. He’s sound asleep and his head is wrapped with gauze, the blood on his face gone. As soon as the nurse disappears, Richard leans down to him and places a kiss on his head. “I’m so sorry, bubs. I never wanted you to get hurt.” he whispers and fondles over his hair. He grabs his cold hand and strokes over his bruised knuckles.

After a while, he calls a taxi and heads home. He steps into the bathroom and sees his trousers and shirt that are covered in Taron’s blood. He has some leftover on his hands as well and he quickly turns on the water in the sink. He makes it hot and rubs his hands clean in quick movements. His sight starts to blur as he feels tears burning in his eyes. “Fuck!” he slams the soap into the sink and runs his wet hands through his curls shaking. “Why not me? Why Taron? Oh for fucks sake!” he curses and tries to take deep breaths. But it doesn’t take long for him to crouch down onto the floor and break down.

The love of his life was lying in a hospital bed and his fate unknown? What was Rich to do? What could he do? He racks his brain until exhaustion hits and he sighs. He forces himself up to take a shower and throw the bloody clothes in a bag so they can be washed apart from the other clothes. He slides into bed and tries his best to get some rest.

***

The next day, he cleans his apartment up and prepares the sofa for T. He would take him home as soon as he could and take care of him. Taron would probably tell him he’s okay and go to his own apartment, but Rich wouldn’t let that happen.

He had to take care of him. He was the one who got him into this predicament in the first place. His conscious just couldn’t let Taron recover on his own. He takes one final look at things and grabs his phone and keys. He leaves his place and heads out to start his day.

***

Some time later, he walks into the hospital and carefully opens the door to Taron’s room. Seeing Taron is awake, he feels relief swapping over him and he lets out a deep breath. “Hey, how are you?” he asks and walks over to him. He leans down, places a kiss onto his hair and fondles his cheek. “I’m so glad you’re okay, baby.”

“Who are you?” Taron asks confused and pushes him away.

“What?” Richard raises his eyebrows and takes a step back. “Come on, that’s not funny.” he chuckles weakly.

“I’m not joking.” T says firmly and watches him observantly.

“When is your birthday?” he asks. Taron shrugs his shoulders. “What’s your favorite food?” another shrug. “The name of your mum is Maria.”

“Okay?” T says confused.

“No, it’s Tina.” Rich says and feels fear creeping up in him. “Taron, this is not funny.”

“I’m not making fun of you. How would I know who you are if I don’t know who I am?” he asks a bit annoyed and looks out of the window. Who the hell was this guy and why was he asking him all these questions?

“You really don’t remember anything?” he asks and falls down onto the seat next to the bed heavily.

“Nothing.” he says and it scares him a bit. Anyone could walk in and tell him anything. Doesn’t mean it’s true. He needed answers. He pushes the button for the nurse.

She comes inside and greets the stranger friendly. “Oh Mr. Madden, how are you feeling?”

“I’m okay.” he barely gets out and looks at Taron still a bit startled.

“So, Taron, how are you feeling? Is everything alright? How is your head?” she asks and puts a water bottle and some pills on the bedside table.

“I’m fine.” T says and looks down at his knees. “Miss, do I know him?”

Richard’s heart breaks a little at the question and he bites his lower lip. This was worse than he could have ever imagined. Looking at Taron, he sees he isn’t mocking him. T looked horrified, confused and hurt. He just wants to wrap him up in a blanket and take him home, but now he doesn’t know if that will be even possible.

“Yes, you do. Richard is your boyfriend.” she says softly, looking at Richard shortly who told her yesterday when she asked him how he was related to T.

“My - what?” Taron’s eyes widen and he looks at her shocked. I had a boyfriend? Since when?

“I know it is all very confusing at the moment. Taron you had a bad accident yesterday and you hit your head really hard. You’re suffering from retrograde amnesia, which means you’ve forgotten a lot from your life before the accident.”

“Will I ever remember it again?” Taron asks timidly. It was all too much at one time.

“I can’t assure you that at the moment. But a few things will come back to you. Sometimes when you go to places you used to love, the familiarity comes back.” she suggests and smiles reassuringly.

“Oh yeah. And how am I supposed to remember those places?!” he asks pissed. “But thanks for the advice, I’ll take a tour around the world and see what comes back to me!”

“Don’t be so harsh. She’s trying to help.” Richard says and watches his upset boyfriend.

“I don’t know you, so don’t tell me what to do.” Taron says harshly and Rich swallows hard. He huffs out air from his mouth and looks out of the window. “I wanna be alone.” neither Richard nor the nurse move for a moment. “Please!”

Richard gives in and gets up, walking out quickly. The nurse closes the door and smiles at him compassionate. “I’m sorry. I would have warned you if I had seen you before you went inside.”

Rich just nods slowly and folds his arms in front of his chest. “This is permanent, doctor?” he asks and swallows hard.

“I fear it is. He will have to start all over. At this rate, I’m afraid he won’t let you help him.” she says slowly.

“So I lost my boyfriend in that accident?” he asks and bites his lower lip nervously.

“I’m sorry.” she says low voiced.

“Not your fault.” he says and sits down on one of the seats in the corridor. He looks down at the floor and his thoughts race. Did he really lose Taron yesterday? His one and only, his sweet cuddly love? His throat gets tight and he feels tears burning in his eyes. He thinks back to how Taron wanted to tell the public that they were a couple, how he talked about their future with big, shining eyes. The way he said he feels safe when he’s driving, only to get into a car crash not even two minutes later. The tears roll down his face and he sniffs knowing he needs to calm down.

***

“Ehm, hey. She said you can bring me home.” A soft voice speaks and gently nudges Rich.

Richard opens his eyes and sees Taron’s sneakers in front of him. He looks up and meets his favorite pair of eyes. “Yea? That’s good to hear.”

“You’re crying?” T asks and raises his eyebrows.

“Allergic.” he mumbles and wipes his cheeks clean.

“Inside?” Taron’s voice sounds a bit shocked and he tilts his head in both directions. “To what?”

This shit, he thinks to himself. “Sanitizer.” he says seeing one near and hears Taron chuckle.

“Sure.”

***

Richard opens the door to Taron’s apartment and lets him step inside. He looks around and rolls his eyes a bit seeing the mess.

“Oh I’m messy. I like it.” T says and Rich chuckles softly. Taron wanders around in his apartment and looks into the rooms. It’s strange to imagine he lived here and thought it would never be unknown to him again. T sees a few pictures standing around on a little table and walks over there slowly. “Who is she?” he asks.

“Your mum, Tina.” Rich says and sees the selfie of them, himself pressing a soft kiss onto Taron’s hair, next to the photo he was examining. It was Taron’s favorite.

T then looks at the same photo and frowns a bit. “I don’t think I can do this.” he says and points at the picture. Richard nods slowly and watches T take it out of the frame. Taron hands it to him, contorting his face. “I think I’ll get some sleep.” He speaks lowly and makes his way to his bedroom.

Rich stands silently, the photo in his hand. His love was gone and there was no coming back. With a sigh, he leaves the apartment, tears welling his eyes.

***

Coming to the apartment the next day wasn’t the best idea.

Taron is unsure about having Richard around him, not knowing him anymore. It’s hard for him to process that he doesn’t know anything and can’t even trust himself. They sit at the dining table sharing coffee when Taron speaks up. “Listen, I know you wanna help me but I - I need some time alone.” Taron starts and plays with his hands nervously. “I don’t even know what we were or if you really are who you told me you are.”

“Taron, I wouldn’t lie to you. You were my boyfriend.” Rich says tiredly and rubs his face.

“There was never an us. At least not in my memory and that makes it fucking hard to trust you.” Taron says firmly and runs his fingers through his hair. “How could I be able to love someone when I don’t even know myself?”

Richard watches him sad, his heart wrenching at his words. “I don’t know.” he admits.

“I can’t do this. I need some space and I need to figure things out, figure out who I am.” Taron says and Rich nods slowly.

“Okay then. Call me if you need help with anything.”

***

Three months go by.

Richard hasn’t heard anything from Taron since that day. It hurts to think his life turned upside down that night. To him, it feels like Taron died in that car crash this night. He is just unreachable now. His thoughts are constantly spinning, the car crash haunts his dreams, and wakes him up with screams for help following.

He spent a lot of time with his Bodyguard costar Keeley, who never failed to cheer him up but also gave him time to be sad about it. Richard is still struggling to this day.

Richard plays with the buttons of his suit nervously and looks at the car in front of him. Today was the day they would shoot the scene of the attack during the car ride. His costar and dear friend Keeley steps next to him and pats him on the back. “You’re ready for today?”

“I hope so.” he says and smiles shortly at her.

She nods quickly and watches him carefully. She could easily see how much it’s pulling on her friend’s nerves to act this scene. “We’ll get it done quickly and then we’re done for today. We could spend the rest of the day together if you want to.”

He smiles at her, grateful, and nods. “I’d like that.” he says and she nods smiling.

They sit down in the car and begin the scene. Keeley says her line, then the shot rings through the air. The driver falls back in his seat before sinking down his head. Then comes the cut and Richard is glad to get out of the car. They cover his face in blood just like his shirt, Keeley’s white suit is now covered in fake blood and Richard’s stomach turns seeing it. The picture of Taron’s white blood-stained shirt appears in his mind. But he gets himself together and gets back in the car.

They start again, their driver’s head sinks down and Richard knows he has to slip back into playing David and grabbing the steering wheel to get them to safety. But the sounds, Keeley’s screams in the backseat and all the fake blood does him no good. He feels himself getting cold while his body starts shaking and he breathes deeply, on the edge of a breakdown.

All he can think about is himself pushing the breaks and seeing Taron crashing his head on the dashboard. He sees himself trying to calm Taron down, who’s bleeding heavily and throwing up all over himself while trying to breathe. Taron’s body going limp while he tries to open the door, throwing himself against it and opening his seatbelt. Richard buries his face in his hands and sinks down in his seat trying to focus. The name of his former boyfriend leaves his lips like a curse and he feels nausea creeping up in him.

Keeley quickly realizes what’s going on and sees Richard starting to panic. She needs to stop this before it gets worse. She knew this would be torture for her friend. “Stop it, cut!” she says firmly and opens the door, getting out quickly. “Richard, hey, mate.” he suddenly hears Keeley next to him and feels her hand on his shoulder.

“I can’t - Keeley- I.” he stammers and looks at her with wide blue eyes. Richard grabs the hand she’s holding towards him and tries to breathe.

“It’s okay. You don’t have to do anything.” she leans over him and opens the seatbelt. “Come on, get out.” she urges him softly.

Rich gets out shaking with her help and holds himself at the door as his world starts spinning. He leans forward, resting his head on his hands and lets out a shuddery breath. Fuck.

Keeley rubs his back smoothly and waves her assistant closer. She takes the blanket that was meant to be hers and wraps it around her shivering mate. “Here take my blanket.” she watches him worried and sees how pale his face now was. “You should sit down, Rich.”

“Not in the car.” he presses out and takes a deep breath, standing up straight.

“Okay, then on the floor.”

“They’ll kill me if I sit down on the floor with this suit.”

“Oh fuck that! I don’t care about that. Sit down now.” she urges him and pulls him down. She sits down in front of him in her heels and white suit, not having a single care in the world if it gets dirty. Keeley opens a bottle of water and hands it to Rich, who takes it with a weak smile.

Their director comes towards them and looks down at Rich. “Are you alright, Richard?” Rich just nods and takes a gulp of water. “Brings it all back, huh?”

Richard closes the water bottle slowly and his grip around it gets tight. Of course it does! He remains silent, feeling panic in him mixing with hopelessness.

“I’m sorry but we can’t do this again today.” Keeley speaks firmly and gets up. She reaches her hand out for Richard, who grabs it and pulls him up. “Let’s get out of these clothes.” the Brit wraps the blanket around him tightly again and wraps her arm around him as she walks him away from set.

***

Richard puts on his clothes and follows Keeley to her trailer. He remains silent as she turns on the water boiler and puts some cookies onto a plate. She disappears in her bathroom and comes back with some make-up remover tissues. Her own face is now clean and she leans down to Richard, wiping away the fake blood and dirt, cleaning his face softly. “Thank you.” he mumbles and watches her throwing them away.

She gets two cups and fills them with the hot water, adding two tea bags and some sugar. Sitting down next to him, she wraps her arm around him and rubs his shoulder lovingly. “Are you alright, my dear?”

Richard shakes his head and rests his head on her shoulder. “I don’t think I can do this scene. Seeing the blood on your white suit reminded me of his shirt. The way our driver sank down transformed into Taron fainting in my mind.”

“I’m sorry bout that, Rich.” she says lowly and fondles over his hair. “We’re gonna find a way.”

“I just wanna forget the accident. And him.” he says sadly. “Sometimes I wish that I hit my head just as hard.” he admits, but feels bad about it. This wasn’t fair. Taron had to struggle to get his memory back and here he was sulking, wishing he was in his place.

“You’d really prefer not knowing who you are, not even your name, over this here? The constant paranoia that you know everyone who knows your name? How do you think it will affect his relationship with his fans? Some could tell him stories that aren’t even true.” she states and remains silent for a moment. “Imagine reading all the fake articles about stupid things you never said or did. You wouldn’t know your mum anymore. Your youth would be gone. Your first acting experiences. Everything that is normal for us.” she sighs a bit. “That isn’t what you want. And T needs time to cope and get his life back.”

“Yeah, I know. It just hurts. I don’t wanna feel this way anymore.” he mumbles and rubs his face tiredly.

***

“Richard, nice to meet you again.” Dexter Fletcher says and sits down opposite him. “So, you’re the top candidate of our role for John Reid. But it was brought to my attention that you aren’t thrilled about it anymore.”

“I- Well to be honest I’m neither a singer nor a dancer and since you wanna make it like a musical -.” Rich says and scratches his neck. He didn’t want to do this because he simply was bad at it.

“We have one dancing sequence with our main actor planned for you. We’ll see if it makes the final cut. You would sing one song and of course we would transform it into a scene.” Dexter explains and watches the man in front of him. He hadn’t told Richard that Taron was the leading man yet. Everyone heard about the car crash and knew their paths parted afterwards due to Taron’s retrograde amnesia. Dexter saw both of them struggling with their own lives after the crash. This could be another major reason for Richard to back out. But they wanted him so bad. He was perfect and Elton approved of the choice.

“Mm okay.” Rich says and thinks for a moment. “Who is playing Elton? You didn’t tell me yet.” he thinks and it seems strange. Dexter is normally raving about his actors and the excitement of the project overall. But he seemed to be holding back.

Dexter takes out his phone and connects it with his headphones. He gives them to Richard and watches him put one in his ear. “Just listen. Maybe this will help with your final decision. It’s a raw version but who cares.”

Richard frowns a bit but decides to give in. He can hear the first notes of Rocketman and as soon as he hears the singer starting, he looks at him shocked. “Oh.” he just says and listens. Taron’s angelic voice sends goosebumps all over his body, like it did every time before.

Dex remains quiet and watches Richard closely. The man in front of him looks lost in thoughts and his deep blue eyes are brimmed with tears.

Richard is stuck in his memories while listening to Taron singing. He bites his lower lip nervously and the vulnerability and softness in Taron’s voice hurts him physically. Damn, his golden boy still had an amazing voice. When the song stops, he looks at the table for a moment. “And you think playing the lover of my ex-boyfriend is a good idea?”

“Tell me.” Dex says and raises his eyebrows challenging. “Tell me this song, with his bloody amazing voice, didn’t touch you. Tell me you would give away the chance to get to know him all over again. Tell me you don’t want him to meet you again.” he sees Richard squirming a bit in his seat. “Do it and I’ll tell Elton that Richard Madden doesn’t want the role anymore.”

Richard folds his arms in front of his chest. “You do know it isn’t fair to just throw me into this all of a sudden? Exposing me to Taron this way?”

“It might have been a bit unfair.” Dex admits with a smirk.

“God Dex, you drive me crazy.” he sighs and shakes his head a bit. “Fine, I’ll do it. But just because you and Elton seem to want me so badly.”

“Okay! Ehm this might be a bit quick now, but I have T with me.”

“Shut up.” Richard says and his eyes widen. “Dex, don’t you dare-.”

But then the door opens and his former boyfriend steps in. “Hey, Dex you’re still on it or -?”

“No, it’s fine, Taron. Meet your new costar.” he says and gets up, seeing the look in Richard’s eyes. “I’ll let you get to know each other.” he says and winks at Rich, who can’t stop himself from rolling his eyes.

Taron watches him leave and smiles at him shyly. “Hi.” he says and walks over to him.

Richard gets up and shakes his hand. “Hey.”

“I’m Taron, do I know you? I’m sorry, weird question. I lost my memory in a car accident. Well, at least that’s what they told me.”

“Yeah, I heard about that.” I was driving, he thinks. But he couldn’t tell him that. “I’m Richard.”

“And you are playing-?” he sits down and watches him curiously.

“John Reid.” he says and sits down as well.

“Oh yeah. Sorry again. Sometimes I struggle to keep any information I get.” he chuckles softly.

“No problem.” Rich says with a weak smile.

Taron watches him observantly and he gets a funny feeling. He knew him from somewhere. “You seem familiar to me. I think I’ve seen you before.” he looks into his deep blue eyes and the brown slightly curly hair. The accent wasn’t unknown as well, it matched with his voice perfectly. “Have we met, like a month after the accident?”

“No.” That wasn’t exactly a lie.

“Okay. I can’t remember anything before and the month after the accident happened. It’s all a blur so I don’t really know what I was doing.” he explains. “Probably watched one of your movies.” he grins.

“Maybe.” Rich says with a small smile.

“So what convinced you to stay? Dex told me you considered not doing it.” Taron says and looks at him questioning.

“To be honest, it was you singing.” Richard admits softly. “You got a beautiful voice mate, sent goosebumps all over my body.”

“Oh, thank you.” Taron says and blushes smiling.

Oh God, don’t do that to me, he thinks. Not the blushing. “So how is your life now? Must be difficult to handle it all on your own.”

“Oh yeah, I’m doing okay. My mum helped me in the beginning, she’s lovely. Meeting her the first time was strange. I found out I have two younger sisters. Now I’m living on my own in the apartment and well I apparently worked with Dexter before. He decided to help me out as well.” Taron explains and looks down at the table. “I don’t know much about my friends from my earlier life to be honest. And almost nothing about the car crash.”

“No?” Rich asks confused. “You could have looked up your name.”

“I don’t wanna risk reading some fake news.” Taron says with a weak smile.

“Oh, yeah.” Richard says and an awkward silence lies between them.

T plays with his hands nervously. “The only thing I have is something I found in my jacket. I’ve been carrying it with me since then.” Taron pulls something from his trousers. He unfolds the piece of paper and looks down at it. Richard’s throat tightens at that sight and he presses his lips together. “It has my name on it, my mum’s phone number, and what happened to me.”

Rich looks down at it and recognizes his own hand writing. Seems like T kept the last memory he has of him.

Taron looks up and sees the tears in Richard’s eyes. “You okay?” he asks worried and watches him observantly.

“Yeah, just - an allergy.” he says and thinks back when he made up this lie.

“To what?” Taron asks and tilts his head sideways.

“Flowers.” he nearly chokes on the word and points at the flowers in front of them.

Taron gets up and throws them in the trash. “You could have said something, mate.”

He doesn’t know what hurts more. The way Taron just threw away what supposedly caused his tears or that he called him mate. “It’s okay.” he says with eyes full of tears.

***

Later that day, Richard calls Keeley and tells her everything. He doesn’t feel ready to work with Taron, who seemed to forget the first two days he left the hospital. It all happened too fast and it hurt him physically to look into those beautiful eyes he fell in love with all this time ago. It was strange to see the man who used to be his boyfriend, his clumsy funny lover who always wanted him close, become so distant from him. It’s worse than a break up because the Taron he knew was gone, without a warning, overnight.

Thinking back to Taron’s last words, he starts crying. I love you forever, okay? Did he realize he wouldn’t be the same afterwards?

How could he ever be able to start over again with Taron? Maybe they would never be madly in love again and it would only be a product of Richard’s imagination combined with some suspicions from the magazines.

“Keeley, I can’t pretend I don’t know the way his lips taste. Or how his hair felt underneath my fingers, his smell when he cuddled into me.” he says sadly and looks up at the ceiling.

“I guess you have to. Richard, the Taron you know is gone. It’s time to start over with him, hun.”

Richard tunes out the rest of her words as tears fall down his cheeks and his heart starts racing. This wasn’t right. This isn’t how it was supposed to be. They were happy, so madly in love, their whole future in front of them. Both thinking they would spend it together. Oh god, they were so wrong.

@taron-eggmcmuffin @sarahegerton96 @primaba11erina @multicoloredchicken @anxiety-at-the-classroom @maddertonmyheart @madderton-obsessed @naptitimadderton

#taron egerton #Richard Madden #madderton #taron egerton fic #taron x richard #richard madden fic #madderton fic #madderton fluff #madderton angst #angst #fluff #memory loss #car crash #Mention of blood #panic attack #friendship #the bodyguard #Rocketman #dexter fletcher

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astrology-with-charu · 5 years

Text

As the clock is about to strike 12 & reset our life, I thought of you and the journey that we have been on. Still walking the tight rope between the past and the future with a knowing that life is about to be structurally shift forever in this magnificent year that’s upon us. We are together part of a history that’s being written in our own personal capacity & as each cell of our body contributes to us similarly each one of us contributes to the collective universe we create - together we are creating a new world & we collectively have a choice how we want it to look like.

When Saturn Pluto start their 34 year synod on 12th Jan (geocentric) or 10th Jan (heliocentric), we reset the very fabric that creates our little microcosm of existence. It’s the set of life rules, structural boundaries that we live by which help us decide every big decision we take e.g. what road we take when we arrive at a fork. And usually year before this final conjunction is spent in creating this fork cause decision doesn’t just suddenly comes with this conjunction. We are given time & 2019 was that time cause 2020 is showtime. So fork roads were created, choices presented, multiple options created when Jupiter in Sagittarius expanded our vision in 2019 to include more choices in life, making us aware that we are & can be & should be more than we thought we were. We thank 2019 for presenting us through push or pull choices - yes gift of choices that we have.

Now with Jupiter joining Saturn Pluto in Capricorn participating in two other synods in 2020 will tell us to choose. Choose one path. Cause duality isn’t a path of choice for earthy mountain goat Capricorn which will dominate 2020. We are being given the gift of Long term prosperity & growth but at the cost of loosing a few detours & focussing our gifts. There are no wrong choices - but there is always one that our soul chooses cause that’s what we want to experience in this lifetime. What’s the experience your soul wants to choose - it doesn’t have to feel easy - when we try to imagine the path forward it seldom feels easy. Cause it’s new with a lot of unknowns & yeah many always have not made it. But what fundamentally feels like “you”, we didn’t come here to live another’s life - each life is unique like our prints - our prints left after us would be each unique. What legacy you want to leave ?

At this stage I will quote Yoda “Do or do not, there is no try” - Jupiter in Capricorn is Yoda’s words personified - choose a path, make it your own, own it live it eat it drink it in 2020. That’s the road to success in no uncertain terms of this year that’s upon us. Three synods, 5 eclipses, multiple retrogrades of planets in their ruling signs - there is no question that world globally as we know it will turn to what we have never seen before in 2020. We would be writing history. What is yours ? Jupiter in Capricorn rewards the focussed, the well planned, the one that’s willing to burn the boats cause it knows in its soul that he or she will take over the island in 2020.

You have to do one thing in this eclipse season which will accelerate the process - choose.

That’s why Mercury has just joined the party of planets in Capricorn- in this period between the two eclipses - Solar eclipse that just passed on 26th Dec and Lunar eclipse that’s upon us on 10th Jan - you will find yourself getting clarity on your choice. We want to dedicate 2020 to one & only one goal. It’s gotto be material, it has to have an end goal in mind - mountain goat doesn’t climb to infinity - it has an end goal material one - well we are material beings having a substantially material experience & using that for our souls evolution. We do have to be careful though on the material part taking over - don’t forget this is for YOU - this experience this life this goal is for YOU so it has to fulfil you - it’s not about what’s “material” to the rest of the world. Cancer eclipse of 10th January will bring that message loud & clear.

There is no way for us to miss our destiny & cosmos in 2020 will make sure of it - more importantly it will teach us how to successfully live our destiny. Sometimes we get there but don’t know how to keep it.

Saturn in Capricorn creates base of a legacy that lasts - you would never again respond to life’s structural challenges in the way you did before. It’s not a New Years resolution - it’s just the new way of life that’s born & lived - with Saturn - there are no fireworks but we never go back to old rulebook. We can never go back & you would in no uncertain terms know when you are back tracking. 8th January Jupiter Ketu conjunction will remind us of old ways of clinging to a comfort zone we must not go back to anymore. Comfortable is subjective - it’s more of familiar that we are clinging onto - 8th Jan events & those around will give you a clue what boat you aren’t burning still - holding you away from your future as past feels too rosy.

Pluto in Capricorn makes sure we are being true to our power & not compromising it for the sake of worldly success as much as we would be driven to “succeed” in all material senses in 2020. Drive will be at its peak but can’t compromise our truth - you would never again suppress your strength & power to “smooth over” the ripples that you would create in 2020. You would never again doubt who you know you truly are. Again it’s not a New Years resolution cause resolution self extinguish by third week of January- this is the new structure of our life which is there up on us to be lived. And sometimes Pluto pushes us to that optimal breaking point before the element we are made of shifts from dusty carbon to diamond - Pressure will be dialled up from day 1.

Read the writing on the wall of your new life when it comes with a clear messaging on 12th Jan as Mercury is a participant in Pluto Saturn conjunction so new world order doesn’t begin in silence - it begins in a clear exchange of words. Actions of the new start come in full swing in March but January early & bright we know in clear words what 2020 is going to be about. As I said focus is key this year & focus is created early & bright. Mercury is grounded, intellectually, fantastically structured in Capricorn so we discuss objectively, decide for our prosperity & future what’s best & we do the right things. It couldn’t be in a better sign at this time & we couldn’t have a knowing more clear as we would in my view at this time. But voila just like that fate is written & crafted and administrative structures shift, rules seem to be rewritten, decision seem to be decided and we spend 2020 in making the path we have chosen a success..

That’s how I see it.

There will be bubbles that would pop cause Pluto Jupiter synod is known as a bubble buster of dotcom bubble burst fame. Mid year in July we would see certain industries & companies or enterprises which were never meant to be Long term or took short cuts in reporting etc not following the moral code of signature earth sign year - disappear into the thin air from where they suddenly came. Credit will be tight from the get go & we would see corporate greed rampant in first half as earth’s shadow side breeds overly focus on resources & power hog by a few which would ultimately not go well. If there was a year to thoroughly follow a moral code, it would be 2020 cause karma in my view would be instant. It’s not about loosing your flexibility, it’s about showing that you want it enough & you are willing to follow the right route to get to it. Don’t loose sight of following the requisite steps in drive to get there.

Dedicate less hours to wondering why it can’t happen for you & more on making your effort efficient - darkness of thoughts is a side effect of too much earth energy but a working cloud makes its darkness rain hard & makes it count - make every dark thought coming to you count for it indicates how much more you want it - and a strong desire finds a way. Get busy working, planning, finding answer - when you see a dark cloud, make it rain!

Never before a sea of people were gifted with such defining aspects that would shape history - let’s make each day of 2020 count.

Happy new year!

2020 key focus areas of each sign

♈️ Aries - Career growth, public image, leadership style & positions, life structure & path, father, dealings with authority & becoming the authority of ones own life. Physical body & health

♉️ Taurus - Travel, education, publication of significance, becoming a teacher, sharing your higher knowledge, philosophy & higher mind, expanding the framework of your mind by exposing yourself to totally different & variant experiences & thoughts. Growing in knowledge, influence & gaining back sense of adventure

♊️ Gemini - Year of regaining personal & physical strength through learning the art of merging resources, talents with other people & standing your ground in partnerships. Period of rebirth as you finally find your life purpose & come in your full element especially after May.

♋️ Cancer - Partnerships, contracts, significant others & their place in your life versus you & your life path. Year of walking your life purpose but more importantly learning how to walk it with your committed partner/s. Partnerships come in more than one form & shape, learning what’s the model of yours

♌️ Leo - Mind body connection - finding the job or work environment that fulfils you & gives your sense of purpose - healing your body health. Understanding you & only you are the master of your life & your daily life events - taking control of your daily environment & hence health.

♍️ Virgo - Love, passion, hearts desires - living the life on your terms for your passions - betting it all in some senses - taking a chance on yourself & for yourself. Finding what floats your boat emotionally & professionally - leaving now stone unturned to find it & get it. Children or the child like joy from within filling your heart up & your Life - like a karmic blessings from beyond

♎️ Libra - Home, family, real estate - your grounding your base - like coming home to yourself in peace & security . Coming from a place of security & confidence propelling you on solid ground to new big professional shifts & life path changes that are upon you in tandem

♏️ Scorpio - your words your mind your communication skills & commercial aspect of your skills - writing, reading, selling, talking, Publishing - reframing restructuring your mind & reaping the rewards of what you have learned by sharing it with the world in commercially viable ways

♐️ Sagittarius - Finances, assets, your values & ability to generate material abundance from your skills - the skills you mastered or learned or honed in 2019, nows the time to reap commercial & financial rewards from it - creating new assets & monetary growth from existing assets. Establishing your valets system & your self worth as you master the art of turning around financial situations for you & for yours

♑️ Capricorn - You - you are surely the focus & in spotlight with so many major planets focusing their light on you - your life path, physical body, leadership skills reset to a trajectory you didn’t know existed as you are introduced to you in all your strength. Use each day of this year wisely with focus towards your goals as you are gifted with expansion opportunities not seen before as the very frame from which you looked at your life is expanded & enhanced. Happy birthday & it’s surely the year of Capricorn!

♒️ Aquarius - Long distance travel, healing, psychology, untapped potential/ skills / talents - time of God’s timing with hidden support & strength opportunities showing up as your life resets from end 2020, this year will feel like your soul journey where you might be alone sometimes but always with support from beyond - huge amount of faith & rebirth of belief in life & your place in the universe. Lot has been happening below the surface much of which comes above the surface from March.

♓️ Pisces - Network, social influence, big wealth, vision, platform, mass influence, friends, business network, your position in social networks & society of influence - your vision & social influence and position is given a boost as you walk boldly on the path you think is your life’s purpose with the set of people who support you, help you, build you up to bring out your natural gifted talents to larger set of audience or people to benefit the society. World needs good leaders but more importantly it needs visionaries and you fit the bill.

Good luck & much love and success for 2020 💕

Love & more

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rosebagbyastrology · 4 years

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🔮 Weekly Astrological Forecast 🔮

Astrology Forecast for the week of 10/26 — 11/1

These are the major planetary transits and aspects of the week. My interpretations are general run-downs of the energies present. **All times mentioned are in EDT**

💬 Mercury Rx moves into Libra

Tuesday, October 27th

Around 9:30PM on Tuesday night, Mercury in retrograde will backtrack into Libra, shifting the mind from the wateriness of Scorpio into airy Libra, switching the focus off our emotions and onto our intellect. Mercury Rx in Libra focuses on relationships, commitments and partnerships of all kinds. You may find yourself having conversations about the past and relationships from your past during this time. Exes or people from your past may also re-enter your life under this influence.

Mercury at 29’59° will semi-sextile Venus at 29’59° in Virgo, which means both planets will be moving into Libra at the same time, except Mercury will be moving backwards into Libra from Scorpio (because of the retrograde), and Venus will be moving forward into Libra from Virgo like normal. This simultaneous motion could create an alignment of the mind and the heart. You will be supported when sharing how you think and feel.

Venus is heading into some very intense aspects in the coming weeks as she moves further into Libra. She will be opposing Chiron, making a quincunx with Uranus and Neptune, and she will square the Jupiter/Saturn/Pluto conjunction, making difficult aspects to all of the outer planets. Mercury will station Direct on November 3rd around 25° Libra, so the Libra-ruled House of our charts will be activated during this time.

⚖️ Venus moves into Libra

At the same time Mercury Rx moves backward from Scorpio into Libra, Venus will also be moving into Libra from Virgo. Venus is in the sign which she rules. Venus in Libra values relationships, partnerships, marriage, commitment and collaboration with other people. It is a very harmonious sign for Venus, but she will be heading into some very intense aspects in the coming weeks which may cause us to focus more on the areas of our lives where things are not so peaceful, or where our relationships are not quite so harmonious. Libra doesn’t like to stir the pot or rock the boat, but the boat will be shook regardless, so this might be an uncomfortable influence. We need to focus on grounding ourselves and finding our center in the coming weeks as we deal with these difficult Venus aspects. We must stay committed to the truth and focus on the reality of the matter instead of getting wrapped up into the superficial surface projections of peace. Work on cultivating balance in your life and within yourself.

⛑ Moon square Saturn/Pluto and opposite Mercury

Friday, October 30th

There aren’t any major aspects today, but I wanted to mention how the Moon in Aries will be opposite Mercury and squaring the Jupiter/Saturn/Pluto conjunction, (technically square Jupiter on Thursday) because this Moon square is triggering the Mercury square with Saturn we will have on November 1st. So pay attention to what’s being brought up in your conversations and in the media! New information will surface during this time.

Uranus will also be perigee around 1:30PM, with the Sun/Uranus opposition occurring tomorrow on Halloween, just over an hour after the Full Moon in Taurus conjuncts Uranus. Uranus energy will be very dominant this weekend, so expect the unexpected and prepare for things to get a little chaotic and shocking. Try to embrace the changes that occur and open up to the Revolution of Uranus to make the most of these transits.

🌕 Full Moon in Taurus

Saturday, October 31st

The Full Moon at 8’38° Taurus will be exact around 10:30AM, marking the midpoint of the current lunar cycle which began with the New Moon in Libra square Pluto on October 16th. This has been a very deep lunar cycle. A lot of darkness and shadows have been brought to light. This Full Moon will be conjunct Uranus, making the revolutionary rebel planet very strong. Uranus rules unexpected, shocking and sudden events, so anticipate that things might not go to plan. Changes may occur in your love life and finances as well, whether these changes are positive or negative is difficult to say because when you’re dealing with Uranus, you never know what you’re going to get. It’s like flipping a coin.

⚠️ Sun opposite Uranus

Saturday, October 31st

Around noon, the Sun in Scorpio will oppose Uranus in Taurus, creating tension between the conscious-self/ego and the unpredictable rebel planet of awakening. Mercury also opposes Uranus this month, so expect lots of upheaval, changes, and perhaps even chaos in our relationships, material attachments, and what we value/hold on to. If we are holding onto things that no longer serve us, this is a time where we could be asked to cut our losses. The more baggage you try to hold on to, the more chaotic your month might be with this Uranus influence at play.

💢 Mercury Rx square Saturn

Sunday, November 1st

Mercury Rx in Libra will square Saturn in Capricorn around 2PM. This creates tension between our mind, influenced by Libra and striving for harmony, and Saturn, the Lord of Karma who wants us to get real and deal with the reality of the situations in our lives. This is the 2nd out of 3 Mercury/Saturn squares, the 3rd one occurring on November 6th due to Mercury’s station direct on November 3rd. Essentially, this means we have a very long and intense Mercury-Saturn square from today, November 1st until after November 6th.

Mercury-Saturn can be great for having serious and grounded communications with others, but it can also tend to bring on depression, pessimism and negative thinking patterns. You may be focusing on everything that is wrong and ignoring all the things that are right, or the other extreme where you’re only focusing on the positive and ignoring the shadows which need to be dealt with. Mercury in Libra doesn’t like to rock the boat, and will sweep things under the rug for the sake of peace and harmony. You cannot keep sweeping these shadows away forever, and these shadows might expose themselves in your life now especially if you’ve been trying to hide them or ignore them. Pay attention to what is occurring in the media as well. We will be seeing power struggles, dogma, and rigidity of the mind. Also pay attention to what you say/hear/think right now. Words are very powerful now, and while they may be heavy, they will also be very revealing of reality. People will be inclined to speak their truth.

🏳️ Venus opposite Chiron Rx

Sunday, November 1st

Near 3PM, Venus in Libra will be opposing Chiron Rx in Aries, creating tension between the planet of love and beauty and the wounded healer planetoid. This combination of energies can bring up old wounds around relationships, and in regards to your self-worth and self-love. Venus in Libra can be overly focused on others, what they’re doing and how they value us. The healing happens when Venus can learn to stop looking outside and instead look within. With Libra/Aries polarity, we want to find balance between our Yin and Yang, our masculine and feminine. If we are sweeping our anger, sadness and other negative emotions under the carpet, this is the kind of aspect that will bring those emotions back up. On the other hand, if you have been overly aggressive and self-focused, the healing here will come from focusing on others before the self. Venus will be making many difficult aspects in the coming weeks which will rock the boat of our relationships and in the Libra ruled House in your natal chart.

#astrology transits #astrology forecast #astrology

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zukofenty · 5 years

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day 25: mona lisa

➜ Summary: The one where Zuko and Katara make a pact to (fake) rush Asian Greek life because they were giving out free tacos.

“Whoever becomes an official sorority sister or frat brother wins!”

“Can the prize be health insurance?” Zuko doesn’t have the energy to muster his patented glare.

➜ Genre: Modern!AU, humor, FratBrother!Zuko, SororityGirl!Katara, scamming, dildo stealing

➜ Words: 6.6k

➜ Warnings: they stay in an airbnb instead of a hotel bc who has the schmoney for a hotel room😩

AO3, @zutaramonth hi!!!

Zuko’s grabbing at Katara’s arm while she’s carefully sipping water (only water, she swears) out of a red solo cup. She’s in her “whore fit” (her words) with larger than life fake eyelashes that could propel her into the sky a la Icarus if she blinked a little too quickly. She was in the middle of readjusting her crop top for the umpteenth time that night, because of course she forgets her strapless bra chicken cutlet contraption at home, so of course she does the most reasonable thing and takes a regular bra and just tucks the straps in. Because as much as she is a proponent of #freethenipple, her nipples could probably slice open a radiator with how fucking cold Ba Sing Se was.

“Please take this shot for me,” Zuko reasons with her, trying to make it seem as though he was handing off a shot to a clueless lightweight sorority rushee he was hoping to nail later in the night. For reputation’s sake, Zuko could not afford to fuck up tonight. He was in too deep. “Please, my Pepsin hasn’t kicked in yet. Asian glow is not the look we’re going for tonight.”

“I hate you.” Katara munches on her (free) taco, and effortlessly throws back the shot: no chase. Zuko looks back and sees active members of Pi Alpha Psi giving him a thumbs up, hooting, hollering, being dumb. One salaciously thrusts his hips to the beat of “Big Bank,” pathetically hoping he could emulate YG in support of Zuko supposedly getting some Deltas pussy.

Asian Greek life was fucking stupid.

Tonight was the night of the Deltas Sorority and Pi Alpha Psi Fraternity rush party, the most important party so far during rush week. Because Greek life was entirely stupid , of course they had to hold the fucking party on a Tuesday night, when Zuko had an econ pratice set to get done by midnight, and Katara needed to get to Ochem at 8am the next morning. It was their fault, really. A punishment from God herself (Rihanna) for trying to scam the Greek system.

It all started because Zuko and Katara had no fucking friends.

Besides each other, but that was also up for debate most days. Especially the days when Zuko would remind Katara whenever her foundation didn’t blend down her neck. He always thought he was being helpful. Katara’s long given up the urge to slit his throat.

After high school, when you still believed you were going to do something with your life and be important and make a difference and didn’t know about income tax, they had kept the dream of Ba Sing Se University alive while they attended community college. Uncle Iroh and Hakoda weren’t exactly rolling in tuition money, and financial aid was a stingy bitch. While Zuko had considered reaching out to his estranged father, the owner of a multi billion dollar pyramid scheme, he suddenly remembers the time his dad tried to burn his face off after a particularly heated episode of Maury , and then books another therapy appointment.

It was the top university in the nation, promising a gateway to accounting jobs and selling your soul to work for immoral tech companies to pay off your student loans in a timely manner. They had prayed for the day they could call the school home. The day they could leave their small town and finally make it in life. Katara and Zuko were inseparable growing up, even if at the surface they bumped heads. They were at each other’s throats whenever the going got tough, slinging petty insults at each other.

“I told you this was a bad idea. They don’t have fucking non-dairy options. Wait until my anus starts beatboxing in the bathroom in 20 minutes. Then you will see,” Zuko grumbled. Katara was always doing this, dragging their group of friends to “fun” places whenever Yelp sends her a notification a new restaurant opened up in their shithole of a town. It’s always some boba shop that was secretly a front for a Scientology cult’s money laundering scheme.

But Katara’s the only one who is able to scare Zuko (dairy induced) shitless. She’s always able to send him a glare that screams don’t you dare fuck with me, I know you masturbate to Hatsune Miku moan compilations. And he instantly starts sweating .

At the same time, she was the only one to truly get him. Even if their friends were perfectly content to stay in their town, doing the same things, being the same people, Katara and Zuko always knew there was so much more out there. So much more to the world than what they had grown up in. So they kept the dream alive. Even if their friends had rightfully doubted them. No one made it out of their town. You find a partner from the same people you grew up with, have kids you grow to hate, hide your husband’s infidelity, and either choose from two options. Grow old with him and resent him and then have a kid to try to save the marriage. Or, go Gone Girl on his ass.

“Women really need to go back to poisoning their men. Like the good old days,” Katara’s eyes were narrowed into slits as she focused on taking clandestine photos of Mrs. Kim’s cheating, rat-faced husband. For a few months, she was under the tutelage of the town’s private investigator, June. It paid well, and she felt she was contributing to the feminist movement at the same time.

“Uh-huh, right,” Zuko eyed her warily. Dubbed lovingly “Katara’s Uber Driver,” he also got paid by June to drive the Nyla Mobile around during their late night ops.

He couldn’t wait to leave this shit fuck of a town.

While their friends and family were tearfully embracing them on their final days at home, a patented group hug forced upon them, they shared a secret smile. Their dream was coming true. They were going to a school in the city with minimized debt. Plus, though neither of them would ever admit it, they also had each other to rely on.

“What the fuck do you need? I swear to Rihanna, you only text me when I’m trying to masturbate. Please, make other friends,” Katara nearly screams into the phone. Her roommate, Suki, groans at the volume coming from Katara’s side of the room, but doesn’t get up. Her stomach is still sensitive from the Blue Razz Four Loko she downed at some frat house Katara had to drag her back from.

Zuko had the decency to sound sheepish. “What are you doing tomorrow?”

“I hope you understand, I am too tense right now to pretend I like you. Go. Make. Friends.”

Because Zuko is a fucking child , he starts groaning and Katara could hear him petulantly slamming his Amazon memory foam mattress with his fist. He’ll get angry that the mattress is preventing any real satisfaction from hitting it, and then hit it a few (approximately 3) more times. She hears the pounds, and smirks. She doesn’t know whether or not to feel disturbed that she knows him so well.

“I miss you,” he whines.

“I don’t.”

Zuko gasps dramatically. “How could you say that? Sandbox love never dies!” He wants to yell into the darkness of his room when she hangs up on him. It was valid, of course. But that doesn’t mean his feelings can’t hurt. He’s always sensitive during the Mercury Retrograde.

Being a transfer student is hard, as much as he hates to admit it. There’s only two years to pad your resume and make lifelong friends and learn how much cocaine is too much cocaine for your body. College was hard. While Katara’s roommate was able to introduce her to people and Katara made a group of friends almost instantly, Zuko wasn’t nearly as pleasant to be around. It wasn’t his fault he was nervous . When he’s nervous he looks more mean than usual, and his roommate, Jet, was wary around him since the day he moved in. He couldn’t even be mad when he spotted Jet hiding his box cutter’s accessibility.

“Katara!” Zuko rolls his eyes at her lack of response. “Katara!” He repeats. “I know you’re just listening to “Like a G6” on a 10 hour loop. Don’t pretend to look so concentrated.”

She glares at him. “Let me have this one thing to myself.” She still begrudgingly takes out her airpods.

“No.”

Katara wants to throttle his long ass neck. “Zuko, be honest with me.”

“Ok, yes! When you put your hair in a ponytail you look like a cage free egg.” Zuko stares at her in confusion when she starts playing with her hair. “What are you doing?”

“I’m trying to hand over my wig. You fucking scalped me, and I had nothing to say back. Just take it. You deserve it.” He smacks her hands from messing with her hair. Other patrons in the cafe near campus glanced over in amusement, as Katara pokes him in the neck and he yelps.

While he rubs at his neck to lessen the sting from Katara’s acrylics, she worries at her lip. “Be honest. Do you think Suki hates me?”

“Yes.”

Katara slams a hand on the table, causing his croissant to quake in fear. “You’re supposed to be comforting and trying to console me! Do it over, say no.”

“No.”

“Zuko, do you know how close I am to biting your nipple right off?”

He rolls his eyes. Katara specialized in empty threats (most of the time). “Don’t get mad at me just because Suki refuses to talk to you.” He relishes in her frustration. “Again, whose fault is it that Suki has to go to court for reckless driving?”

“She was the one at the wheel!” Katara throws her hands to the air, before petulantly slapping them into her thighs, for emphasis of her point.

Zuko pinches his nose bridge. “Well, you were the one who convinced her that she shit herself!”

Katara takes a neat, clean sip from her iced coffee before calmly responding. “She was the one doing 88 in a 65 trying to get to the bathroom. How was I supposed to know she did anal the day before and it was just cum!”

Zuko smacks his forehead in frustration after seeing identical blushes on the sea of patrons, now very much intune with the turn of the conversation. “You really don’t know how to act in public, do you? Like you think all the shit coming out of your mouth is important enough for it to just be said. You couldn’t have let that be a passing thought? Or learn how to fucking whisper?”

Katara sighs, closing her eyes and folding her hands over each other, because she’s dramatic. “All I had today for lunch was lip gloss. Let me be.”

“Again, if you, I don’t know, learned how to apologize to someone and admit you’re wrong then maybe Suki wouldn’t have hidden all your stress snacks. And, I don’t know. Maybe if you knew how to say ‘sorry’ she wouldn’t hate your fucking guts.” Katara simply turns her head into the air at Zuko’s words, refusing to acknowledge them. He’s itching to take a hit of his Phix with how on edge he was, and then remembers Katara had sold it on the school Facebook sell and exchange page as revenge. Apparently, Katara snaps if you send her one too many Tom Holland and Nicki Minaj fanfiction stories. Not that he’s speaking from personal experience. “You know what, you’re almost as stubborn as Wendy Williams when she refuses to pronounce Dua Lipa’s name correctly.”

She petulantly swivels her gaze to Zuko, nose still pointed to the sky. “Dula Peep is iconic for that reason.” She breathes out, letting her body go lax. “Please, shut the fuck up. I’m sad. Why would she leave me alone in the middle of the Mercury Retrograde like this? I didn’t think she hated me that much.” She drops her defensive stance, and rolls her shoulders, eyes focused only on the table. “I thought, what we had. It was real friendship you know? I made a joint for her using the orientation leader recruitment flyers because we were out of rolling papers. That’s true love. That’s sisterhood.”

“Please, I can’t poop right now! I can’t poop when I’m scared. I’m poop shy!”

Zuko audibly groaned. “Then why the fuck would you take a shit at my apartment? Yours is literally a 4 minute walk away, according to motherfucking Google Maps. 5 minutes if you use Apple Maps.”

“I don’t know, ok! I saw the baby wipes and I just kinda went with the flow, sue me!” Damnit, she knew she tasted real milk in her strawberry banana smoothie. God, the price of being ethnic in this dairy filled world.

“I called you over here to explain the plan! So I don’t bother you mid masturbation! And you just had to take a dump, didn’t you? On the plan, and my fucking toilet, too!”

She was weary after her back to back classes from 9-5 when Zuko excitedly called her up to come to his place. As much of a bitch baby Zuko could be, Katara tries to visit his place as much as she can. His apartment was just upgraded, meaning he had a state of the art microwave. One that doesn’t third degree burn her ham and cheese Hot Pockets, but rather cooks them perfectly to the tune of the package instructions, and makes them all fluffy and culinary excellence. Plus, he lives further from the heroin infested park she lived right next to, meaning his building smelt like a Clinique cosmetics counter (or: old lady) rather than pure urine like hers. And he didn’t have to run home in fear of being chased.

Besides, he’s all she’s got right now. He explained his plan as the roof of her mouth is assaulted by the gooey cheese of the Hot Pocket. Zuko eagerly handed over the flyers that were shoved into his hands as he was walking to campus.

“Do you see the funds these bitches got? We have to go! We need to become part of Asian Greek life!”

Although Katara did enjoy seeing the copious amount of free food potential, she was skeptical. “This is all free?”

“Yes, oh my god! Read the damn flyer! They’re living it up while we try to fit spinach in our budget to buy White Claw. Free alc, and free tacos! C’mon, we don’t even have to get into the sorority or frat. Just go through the rush process, and try to get as much free food as possible.” Zuko sits on his bed beside her, and even shakes her by the shoulders for emphasis. She swats his hands away while he chuckles.

Katara side eyes him. “Aren’t you already behind on your lectures? I don’t know, do we really want to waste time doing this?”

Zuko sends her a sheepish smile, but grabs her hand. For reassurance purposes, of course. “It’s just one week. Let’s just let loose. Maybe we could walk away from this with a few friends. So I don’t bother you mid beating your meat.” Katara can’t help but laugh.

On the first night, she was nervous. Zuko was clearly his indifferent self, but deep down she knew he was scared, too. Katara and Zuko weren’t exactly Greek life material .

“They thought you were hot, that’s why they flyered you!” Katara yelps while digging through his closet. Zuko ignores the blush growing on his face. “Let’s find a fit that emphasizes that bad boy aesthetic.”

Katara never did anything half assed. That’s why if they were going to play hot, ignorant Asian Greek lifers, they were going to be the goddamn best. Academy Award nominated and then played by Scarlett Johansson in a biopic type of acting.

“What’s wrong with what I usually wear? Is the leather jacket not, quote unquote, bad boy enough?” Zuko runs his hands through his shaggy hair, which Katara had encouraged him to not style. She’d never admit it, but maybe her sexual awakening coincided with Zuko growing his hair out. Maybe.

“Yeah, yeah. Maybe to Tumblr , but not for fuckboys.” She groans because of course Zuko has good fashion taste. Maybe him being hot helps with how clothes looked, but they all screamed fashion and not basic fuckboy . Which was the vibe of the night. “God, do you have the entire Forever 21 Black t shirt aisle in here?”

Before he could retort, Zuko’s interrupted by Jet coming into their room to grab his dumb Hydroflask. It’s dumb because it’s so goddamn big, for no good reason.

“Hey, Katara,” Jet is smirking. Ew .

Zuko feels jealousy, the type that makes your body grow all hot and makes you want to punch a mattress and Jet’s pleasantly symmetrical face. God, why is he so fucking pretty? He reminds himself that Katara was entirely off limits , and schools his face. He gets these types of pangs of envy once in a while, usually during the Mercury Retrograde. Ever since they were kids, he knew Katara was going to be in his life forever. He wasn’t about to fuck that up. Not with emotions or anything.

“Hey, Jet!” Katara chirps. She couldn’t help it, her pussy is weak for pretty men. She knew that look on his face. The eyes that roamed her body clad in the tight top and jeans that made sure her ass looked like she paid for it. Thank you, Fashionnova.

He gives her a hot guy half hug, and she’s melting. Calm down, girl Katara warns her pussy. “See you around. Zuko, I’m going to Target, do you need anything?”

Zuko frowns at the sight of a fangirling Katara. “Nope.” Jet nods, and even offers up a smile. He hates that he smiles back.

Katara swoons. She flops on Zuko’s bed, eyes all dreamy and starry. “That’s the vibe you need to give off!”

“What, that I have HPV?”

“Exactly! See, that’s the type of fuckboy you need to be. You can have the same pussy clenching effect with the right, basic clothes. You’re hot, and you have a badass scar. You just need a striped Guess shirt and white Nike Air Force 1s to complete the getup.”

So, Zuko digs through his closet from his hypebeast phase to find a pair of white sneakers (“Reeboks aren’t basic enough!” Katara protests) and borrows the Guess shirt from Katara, and they were ready to scam.

Fuck. The damn tacos. And then it was all you can eat Korean food. Then it was free avant garde ice cream at that one place that cost you an ovary to even sample the vanilla bean flavor.

The first night of rushing, all you can eat Korean food, and they were already putting on the pounds.

“ Holy fucking cheese dick! I think I gained the weight of a Kardashian ass filler in just today alone! I can’t breathe. Zuko, hold up.” She puts her hand out, halting their walk back to her place. “I need to unbutton my pants.” She had one too many plates of kimchi spam fried rice.

Zuko burps graciously. Goddamn kimbap. He swallowed that shit whole, choking a few times throughout the night. “Me fucking too! Oh my god, I can’t breathe.”

“In through your nose. Out with your dairy shits.”

As soon as they got back to her apartment, they immediately reached for Lactaid, and then went over the events of the night.

“What do you think of Ty Lee? All the guys were drooling over her,” Zuko asks. Katara ditched her elaborate makeup, scrubbing her face clean and was in one of Zuko’s t shirts he’s long given up trying to get back from her. She’s twirling an expensive mechanical pencil between her fingers, the kind that has super precise lead and matches her pencil case and laptop. For the aesthetic.

“She’s the type of bitch to eat salt and vinegar chips at 9 in the morning.”

“What’s the difference between girls who eat salt and vinegar chips in the morning, and girls who eat Hot Cheetos in the morning?” Zuko’s scratching at his head, brain still foggy from all the Doritos he’s practically inhaled. He’s topless, and has one of the many sweats he leaves behind at Katara’s because their sleepovers were some of his favorite memories growing up. Even if they have to squeeze Zuko’s six foot tall ass in twin beds now.

“One has class. The other needs therapy.”

He squints from his spot at her desk, typing interrupted to push up his round glasses. “I see.”

“I saw you really hit it off with Mai,” Katara made sure to keep her voice even. “She was really into you.”

Zuko whips his head around to her. “Really?” He yelps. “Stay out of my business!” Katara throws her hands up in mock surrender. “...Did she say anything about me?”

“She said she was so tired of medium ugly frat brothers and that you showing up sent her cooch into anaphylactic shock,” Katara deadpans.

“Really!” Zuko’s eyebrows shoot up to his hairline.

“No, she just said you were handsome. And then I told her ‘don't call him handsome unless he's about to hand some money over,’ and then she laughed and then thirst followed you on Instagram.”

Zuko scrambles to check his phone. “Oh my god, she’s so cute,” he whispers, eyes enraptured by her Instagram feed. Katara rolls her eyes when he jumps into her bed, knocking her work aside to shove his greasy iPhone 6s in her face.

Katara slaps it right out of his hand. “Ugh, not the 6s.”

Zuko practically melts. “You said she thinks I’m hot, right?” Katara pokes at a man tit before curling up at his side.

“You’re annoying.”

Zuko grabs Katara's hand, playing with the tiny fingers. “I’m adorable.”

She snorts. “You know, we should make a pact. If we’re getting this invested into the whole process. Whoever becomes an official sorority sister or frat brother wins!”

“Can the prize be health insurance?” Zuko doesn’t have the energy to muster his patented glare with Katara cozied up next to him.

The second night, ice cream night, and Katara was slipping.

“What do you usually look for in a guy?”

“I usually just look away,” Katara admits, shrugging. She doesn’t forget to plaster a well practiced, non threatening smile on her face.

“Preferred places for guys to cum?” Another sorority girl asks. Other rushees are nodding enthusiastically, carefully preparing their answers.

“To his senses,” Katara huffs.

“I usually like a backshot!” Ty Lee says enthusiastically, despite the other sisters eyeing Katara warily. Ty Lee insisted that Katara would be a good fit for the sorority. She looked like the only one on her side.

While the girls were excitedly dancing along to the music playing in the shop, Katara’s eye twitches. It was the feminist in her. “If you still like Chris Brown, you’re ugly,” Katara is adamant, not relenting despite the incredulous, wide eye stares from the gaggle of sorority girls.

“Well, I guess I’m ugly then!” Mai yelps, hands crossed over her chest defiantly.

Katara smiles carefully. “You sure are, bitch!”

Fuck Katara was messing this up. She needed to make sure that they were convinced Katara was sorority girl material to move onto the next level of the secret invite only event. Fuck, fuck, fuck .

She wasn’t about to let Zuko win at anything!

Mai squints at her. “Are you a clit being handled by a frat brother? Because you’re really rubbing me the wrong way.”

Ty Lee gasps. “Please excuse her, Indica makes her grumpy.”

Katara glares. “None taken.”

She likes Ty Lee, that much she’s gathered. And, it seems as though Ty Lee had grown to like her back, making sure Katara gets enough ice cream throughout the night, even turning her head when Katara pulls out a Tupperware from her backpack to bring back the dessert to her apartment.

That was until Ty Lee remembered she had a flask hidden up her skirt, a necessity post fuckboy cheats on you . “I-I just called to say I don’t miss you! And that your dick smells like a stapler that has been microwaved for 25 seconds. Like, you can block me all you want. But you can’t uneat this ass. Sorry, I don’t make the rules!” Katara does damage control, and dutifully snatches the phone from her hands.

Crossing her arms like a mother disciplining her child, she levels Ty Lee with a concerned look. “What the actual fuck do you think you’re doing?”

Ty Lee gets up and stumbles on her way to hug Katara. “I can’t leave him! I love him so, so much. He’s my fucking ride or die, the Quavo to my Saweetie! The pitchy singing to my Selena Gomez! The Marlene to my Rosa! The badly glued fake eyelashes to my Asian sorority girl,” Ty Lee is crying and loud and her anime like tits are bouncing with every sob that comes.

Katara takes the flask of peach vodka from her trembling hands, and shakes the girl. “Look, bitch. You’re better than this.”

“No, I’m really not!”

Katara pokes the girl in the forehead. “Yes, bitch you definitely are. You’re a bad bitch that got adicktated. But that’s ok.” She tilts the red faced girl’s head back, making sure the cup of water goes down her throat. “So what if you fell in love a little? You’re in your bag bitch, you don’t need provolone smelling dick to dicktate your life!”

She rubs at her snot filled nose, and then wipes her fist on her mini skirt. “You really think so?”

“Bitch, I know so . Go be a slut, forget about Chan’s ass flake. Now hand over your phone. Drunk yelling over the phone is not the move for the night.” The other active Deltas sisters were running back from a group bathroom visit, after realizing it was Ty Lee’s bad decisions o’ clock . They came back to see the chastised girl determindly eating Ube flavored ice cream, without a phone to do dumb shit in her hands. Mai can’t help but start liking Katara.

The third night, and it’s the Deltas Sorority and Pi Alpha Psi Fraternity rush party, the most important party so far during rush week. IT was a slam fucking dunk. They had gotten catering from everybody’s favorite taco place at the Pi Alpha Psi frat house. And a fucking DIY boba bar. A boba bar! A goddamn boba bar. Katara had a ziplock baggie filled with the tapioca pearls in her left jean pocket.

All Deltas rushees were meant to be socializing with Pi Alpha Psi brothers. The active sisters were trying to see who were the classy whores in the group. They didn’t want admitted whores, just subtle ones. After fending off another medium ugly brother from trying to stare at her tits, Katara corners Zuko, who hands her another shot to take for him. “Why was that guy dressed like an uninvolved father?”

“What’s that supposed to look like?”

“Sweaty, and smells vaguely of disappointment.”

Zuko coughs. “I’m sad that hit way too close to home.”

Katara looks devastated for a split second, until Zuko starts laughing at his own joke. Then, she smacks him upside the head. “You know, you should be thankful for me. I got you looking exactly like a Pi Alpha Psi brother. Even down to the shoes.” Katara glares ahead. “God, I hate that we have to wear shoes on in this house. I hate looking at Haru’s Black Air Force 1s. Anything but those. Anything but those .”

The fourth night and they had successfully scammed the Greek system.

“Zuko!” Katara screams, bursting through his door without preamble. “Look what Ty Lee sent—wait a minute. What the fuck are you doing?” She pauses in shoving the phone in his face to see him face down in his calculus textbook.

“I’m trying to find a natural way to stay focused.”

Katara crosses her arms. “Have you considered adderall?”

Zuko snorts, clearly annoyed. “That’s literally prescription meth.”

“And what about it?” She slams her body, face first into his bed. “‘ Hey get ready tomorrow because we have an exclusive, invite only clubbing invite and the girls and I really really want you to come! ’” Katara reads the Instagram message verbatim from her phone, her chest swelling with unbridled pride. “I deserve an Academy Award.”

Zuko plops his body right on top of hers, relishing in how she groans under his added weight. “Run me my Golden Globe because according to Chan, my ‘ass better be ready to get nasty at Club Nyla .’”

“Shut the booger sugar up!”

So (on a Thursday night ) Katara and Zuko crowd in the party bus the generous Asian Greek system had funded in the name of “cultural bonding.” She can barely breathe, tits pushed in the most fuckable way possible, and she feels her face heating from the shots forced down her throat because her (potential) sisters had insisted on heavily pregaming.

While the frat brothers were perfectly content to sitting and not making any sort of movement whatsoever in the name of looking cool , the girls on the other hand were having the time of their lives.

“Oh my fucking god, for the last time Ty Lee, I cannot join the grind train, I do not have mental stability to keep my balance and shake my ass at the same time,” Katara lightly chastises, shoving the drunk girl gently off of her. Ty Lee simply shrugs, and then continues to gyrate on the gaggle of girls. The music was pounding, everyone was sweating from the amount of unrestrained dancing happening, and Katara’s pretty sure some girl just bruised her pussy after accidentally smacking it (hard) on the bus’s stripper poles. Disco lights bathe the entirety of the vehicle, enveloped in the screams and squeals of Asian girls trying to twerk and scream along to lyrics at the same time.

It was pure fucking chaos. But so goddamn fun . The girls kept constantly grabbing her hips in an attempt to yike on her helpless ass, which Katara abruptly stopped by flicking off their hands. All to the tune of “The Box” by Roddy Rich.

“Let me hear everyone loud and clear! ‘Fuck 12!’” Katara screams to a crowd of bewildered frat brothers.

“Katara, no,” Zuko’s laughing too hard, the alcohol making him feel lightheaded. Heavy rap music permeated the walls of the bus, and he feels a headache building. But he feels a little better seeing Katara having fun, nearly choking to death after taking a hit from some brother’s joint.

“Don’t laugh, I don’t smoke that often!” She insists.

Zuko throws his arm over her shoulder, pulling her close to him. “If you die, at least it was in a party bus while Travis Scott was playing.”

“I’d rather die in an Acura!” Katara yelps, getting up in mock frustration. While Zuko is simply losing his mind at her attitude, she accidentally stumbles as the bus comes to an abrupt stop, and lands in Zuko’s lap.

She’s chortling, moving about to get up. Zuko tries his hardest not to let his heart pound impossibly loud.

After IDs were checked, and a Drake song was forcibly requested by the obnoxious group of frat brothers, the clubbing event was in full swing. Yet, it paled in comparison to the fun and chaotic energy of the party bus. Frat brothers were attempting to dance, Asian girls were trying their hardest to twerk.

Katara is doing her duty as the most sober one out of the bunch and pushes random guys away before they could grab at her sisters’ hips. “You know, God gives flat asses to his strongest soldiers,” she mumbles, lips dangerously close to his ear. They were sitting down in the private seating area near the dance floor, exhausted beyond belief and watching the sorority girls’ attempts at clapping what little cheeks they did have.

Ty Lee clumsily grabs at Katara, screaming about having to piss and call her ex. Her cue to save the day. She gives Zuko an apologetic look, and whispers “I’m gonna win” before grabbing Ty Lee’s hand.

While he’s checking on his Neko Atsume cats, Chan’s Pepto Bismal smelling self is sidling up to his side. “Bro, you should fuck her. She’s got amazing tits.”

Zuko smirks, before schooling his features. That was already an observation he made when he was 16. Nice try, fuckboy. Chan continues, not caring if Zuko responds to him. “Pound that pussy like rent is due tomorrow! You have to get at that big, fat, moose sized pussy at the Airbnb we’re headed to after this.”

Ty Lee is blubbering, snot running freely down her face as though she was a 5 year old at Chuck E. Cheese realizing they didn’t have enough tickets to afford a beaded necklace. “Every time he goes down on me, it feels like my pussy’s getting colonized. Is that what love is supposed to feel like.”

Katara paused in rubbing her back. “Oh my god.”

Ty Lee grabs at Katara’s shoulders, toilet and unsteady stomach forgotten. “Please, for the sake of the female population. Fuck Zuko. We need to know if he’s packing that schmeat.”

Katara gasps. “No fucking way, we’re just friends!”

The inebriated girl clutches Katara’s face in between her sweaty palms, lowering her voice in a volume she thinks counted as a whisper. It was more of a scream than anything else. “We always try to get the hottest rushees to fuck each other at the Airbnb. Then, you’ll definitely make it into Deltas. Because if anyone deserves to throw that neck back on Zuko, it’s you.”

“Well gee, thanks. I’m touched.”

“Moan harder! Don’t sound like I’m forcing you to fuck me! This isn’t no 90 Day Fiance shit! I thought you were an actor. Where is the commitment to the craft? You sound like you’re a dying tractor. Do better!” Katara continues jumping on the bed, trying to emulate a good old fucking. Zuko breathes in, before an unrestrained groan comes from his lips. Katara’s cooch instantly quakes.

Their shoes were off, at her insistence, sheets already strewn about to make it believable. She could hear the snickering behind the door she’s triple checked to make sure it was locked and unable to be seen through the keyhole, her thong shoved in front of it to ensure their privacy.

“Zuko, Zuko, Zuko!” she pants, makine her voice sound as fucked out as possible. “I can’t!”

He continues smacking his arm, trying his best to replicate the sound of cheeks being clapped. “Baby, yes you can. You’re taking me like a fucking champ.”

Katara almost couldn’t hold back her giggle. This was all so fucking ridiculous. Taken straight out of a Larry smut scene. But they had a job to finish, a lifestyle they needed to live out, a pact to win. She whines, he lets out a moan. They bite their fist before they lost their minds and ruined the scam. She could imagine the title to their terrible porn video: college girl takes BEC (big emo cock).

“So, so good!” Katara made sure to make her voice sound as strained as possible, jumping even harder on the mattress. Zuko is ashamed to say his dick twitched in his pants the slightest. “So goddamn big. I feel so full!”

“Thanks for thinking I have a big dick,” he mutters, before letting out another wanton cry.

“Please be quiet!” Her little faux whimpers are simply killing Zuko, a blush creeping on his neck. He may or may not be jerking off to a sound now burned in his memory.

“Ready for the grand finale?” Zuko’s bewildered, pausing in his erratic jumping on the mattress. Katara jumps as hard as she can three times, before landing a punch square into Zuko’s stomach. It’s unexpected, and he doubles over, wheezing and pathetically gasping for air.

“Baby, cum in me!” Katara mewls, a devious smile on her face.

Zuko frowns, rubbing at his sore stomach. “Really? You’re that invested in this role? You would hurt your bestest friend in this world?”

“Shut up! Let me bully you.”

They leave the room, ensuring their hair looked as disheveled as possible, clothes put on backwards, and Katara’s lip gloss smeared across his face. It tasted like Starbursts and scams.

The pair were suddenly enveloped in violent cheers. Muscled frat brothers were taking their beefy arms and slapping Zuko’s chest in celebration. Zuko could see Katara blushing, acting bashful and even tucking a strand of hair behind her ear for emphasis. He rolls his eyes, and deftly decided his heart was indeed forever stolen by the bat shit crazy bitch.

“My man!” Chan howls, grabbing Zuko in a signature bro hug. “Any other Deltas you want to raw dog tonight?”

Zuko’s gaze was focused on Katara’s smiling face. “This dick belongs to one woman.”

They sorority and fraternity wearily climbed back into the party bus in the wee hours of the morning, needing to make the trek back in time for classes. Everyone was to stop by the Psi Alpha Psi house to collect their stuff, and then make their way home.

Zuko’s nodding off, too tired to continue breathing when Katara pokes him expertly in the arm. “What?”

“We’re going to steal the house trophy when we get back.”

He gasps. “Not Beatrice.”

“Yes, Beatrice!”

“Why do you want a $9 dildo from Amazon anyways?”

Katara sighs. “I overheard them this morning. The Deltas and Psi Alpha Psi. They were running through photos of girls and guys that rushed that didn’t make it through the process. And they were so fucking mean , Zuko. Like I almost cried, and they didn’t even roast my ass. Like Co-Star level bullying. They don’t deserve Beatrice. We do.”

“So, bet’s off?” He cracks his knuckles in anticipation. She simply nods.

“You bitch. You didn’t have to slam me so fucking hard!” Katara reprimands. Zuko silences her with a passionate kiss that has every emotion she could possibly feel tingling throughout her whole body. She’s pushed up against the fireplace, clutching the wall behind her as though finding something to grind her against Zuko’s fiery passion. They were simply mimicking the rest of the group coming back, girls pressed against the frat brothers, trying to make the most of their remaining high instead of heading to class.

They pause to take a breath of air, (they could hear Mai mock gagging in the back) before sending each other a secret nod.

“You feel that pucker in your asshole? You know shit’s about to get real,” Katara says in a low voice.

Zuko’s slamming her against the fireplace once more, this time Katara’s hand now finding contact with Beatrice herself. In a flash she’s shoving the phallic toy in her jacket, sprinting for the door.

Chan, eagle eyed as ever, and experienced in the art of recognizing dildo thievery, instantly shoves Ty Lee off his lap. “Don’t you dare take the fucking house trophy, bitch!” He barely finishes his sentence, before he’s shoved to the ground by an enthusiastic Zuko, who grabs Katara’s hand and breaks into a run.

They run, run, run until they reach Zuko’s apartment, collapsing on the patch of fake grass at the front of the building. He still has his hand intertwined with hers, her other hand having a vice like grip on the sex toy.

“You know what, I don’t care about making other friends. You’re all I need.”

“I know.” Katara can’t stop the smile from growing on her face.

#zutara fanfiction #zuko x katara #zutara #zutaramonth #zutara month 2020 #day 25 #they share a hotel room #but it's an airbnb bc i said so #atla

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ofcloudsandstars · 5 years

Photo

Celestial Forecast Week 24-1 (っ– ‸ – )ﾉ ✧・ﾟ:*

Sorry this is late but I have been swamped with the PSD (pisces seasonal depression) which the retrograde isn't helping. Long story short this week is going to be good if you use the retrograde wisely and focus on abandoned projects you promised you will finish. It will however be bad if you decide to call up old lovers or get involved romantically. This week is calling you to dreg up hidden manipulative behaviors and suppressed emotions which will only become more amplified as the moon waxes towards it's full moon phase. Use some boundaries and protection magic against people's inner toxic demons which may pop out unexpectedly or even against yourself to not hurl repressed emotions you might have been bottling in forever onto people that may never see you the same way again. It's time to do some therapeutic shadow work and cry about things.

Notes: I make this for a group in London so the weeks are from Monday to Sunday and the time is set to UTC.

Also this may be the retrograde blues talking but this may be the final weekly forecast I dunno I have been feeling hell lol.

24th

Sun in Pisces sextiles Mars in Capricorn Eros moves into pisces

Moon in Pisces conjunct Neptune in Pisces Jupiter in Capricorn sextiles Moon in Pisces

Energy: The energy will be creative, passionate and the pinnacle of Pisces season creativity. The little asteroid of passion and sexuality, Eros, will shift into Pisces today yet this energy shift will be boosted by the powerful aspect of the Sun sextiling Mars in Capricorn and the final transits of the moon in Pisces conjuncting Neptune and sextiling Jupiter. Together these aspects will create a fusion of energy of flowing creativity and inspiration. Today is an ideal day to work on art or explore life's pleasures and expressive meaning and you will have the intense desire and motivation to do so thanks to Eros and the sun sextiling Mars. If you need a boost to work on art or are seeking divine inspiration to find new spiritual direction in life then today is the ideal day.

Recommendations: Anything magical, trance, art, sex magic,

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25th

Sun conjuncts Mercury rx in Pisces

VOC 2:12 - 6:47pm Sedna in Taurus Sextiles Moon in Pisces Moon in Pisces Sextile Pluto in Capricorn Moon in Pisces Sextile Saturn in Capricorn

Energy: Today will feel transformative and emotional. The sun will conjunct Mercury retrograding in Pisces which will help us reevaluate our mental state and the dreams we've been denying ourselves. This energy that already asks use to rephrase our patterns and fine-tune our inner methods will be amplified by the lunar transits activated by the moon in Pisces. The moon will sextile Sedna, Pluto and Saturn at different hours whose energies will bring up hidden fears, subconscious habits yet the positive influence of the sextile aspect will make it possible to reconfigure these habits, fears, and in Sedna's case any bitterness that can be transformed into positive creativity. With the moon void of course for most of the afternoon it's a great time for self reflection and shadow work to help us finally break free of some patterns that the retrograde is flooding to the surface.

Recommendations: Shadow Work, journaling, divination

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26th

Mercury rx Pisces sextiles Mars in Capricorn

Moon enters Aries Moon Conjunct Chiron in Aries Moon opposition Juno rx Libra Ceres in Aquarius sextile Moon in Aries Mars in Capricorn squares moon in Aries

Energy: Today will feel like a restart after the past two days as the moon returns to Aries. If you have some goals you want to check off your list today's transits will give you a boost with Mercury retrograde sextiling Mars in Capricorn and Mars in Capricorn squaring the moon in Aries. Mercury sextile Mars gives us the boost to achieve a lot of work in a short time frame and the confidence to take on anything. With mercury retrograde this may bring up past projects we could have dumped in the 'too hard' basket or have been putting off. With the tension of the mars and lunar square you will have the desire to channel your energy in emotionally fulfilling ways yet the square can also potentially bring any repressed anger or frustration to the surface. This may be doubled by the moon conjunct Chiron in Aries that could bring old wounds to light. However this energy could be soften by the earthly mother energy of Ceres that will sextile the moon that will give an element of softening and need for self care if we end up being too hard on ourselves. Additionally to add to some unpleasant emotional flavors of today the moon will be in opposition with Juno in rx which could resurface feelings of negative past relationships or feeling lonely yet unable to figure out how to reach out. However in a somewhat positive note, this feeling of soloness amplified by the moon in independent aries can help you focus on yourself and the tasks you need to complete which will get positive boosts from the previous aspects.

Recommendations: Grounding (it will help you center your energy to get tasks done), drinking brews with solar or marsian correspondences to help with motivation, such as lemon tea, coffee with a little bit of red maca powder or a light kick of red peppercorn, roobois red tea with rhodiola or ginger orange juice. Wearing charms, talismans, crystals to help ground, focus and get things done.

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27th

Moon conjunct Venus in Aries

Jupiter in Capricorn squares moon in Aries

Saturn in Capricorn squares moon in Aries

Pluto in Capricorn squares moon in Aries

Energy: If you were considering connecting with a previous lover today during the retrograde I may advise against it. With the moon conjunct Venus in Aries it may seem like a heavenly day filled with passion and desires for creativity yet paired with the remaining lunar transits as the moon will make a square with Jupiter, Saturn and Pluto throughout the day it may bring up excess, negative repressed feelings and even feelings of loneliness if they were buried deep within. With Venus in Aries love becomes passionate yet also something we may rush into without thinking. With the negative feelings that the other squares may bring to the surface it may make us want to pair up quickly the moment we see someone we only somewhat like or act rashly towards our loved ones if we have been feeling a lack of affection from them.

Romance aside this is a great day to do some self care and work on self love. Take yourself to a sauna house, or make yourself a nice hot bath or cook yourself a nice fiery meal. Be careful with the type of self care that involves a lot of spending money as the Jupiter x Moon square could make you empty your wallet for the sake of 'treat yo self'

Recommendations: Love protection magic. Self love work. Make a love attraction perfume or bath or some talisman if you wish to attract love (as the moon is waxing this would be a good time to cast love magic spells)

_____________________

28th

Venus in Aries squares Pluto in Capricorn Mercury in Pisces sextiles Uranus in Taurus

VOC 3:25am - 7:29AM

Moon enters Taurus Moon in Taurus conjunct Uranus in Taurus Eros in Pisces Sextiles Moon in Taurus Mars in Cap Trines Moon in Taurus

Energy: Honestly the transits seem hell bent on exposing negative patterns with romance but it's a good place for self reflection if you have been feeling like there are any issues with you attracting love into your life or if there has been disharmony in your relationships. With Venus in aries squaring Pluto in Capricorn it can have the profound effect in your love life that could expose manipulation in relationships or even bring about new love that could be instant soul attraction (with the risk that this attraction can be as possessive and even violent as it is passionate and sexual). The difference lies in the individual and what the retrograde is floating to the surface for you.

The potential for new attractions will be heightened with Mercury making a sextile with Uranus and the moon in Taurus that will conjunct Uranus briefly bringing about new surprises, new perspectives and new impulses. Additionally this energy will be piled on with both Mars and the sexual asteroid Eros making a sextile and trine with the moon in Taurus heightening any sexual urges or strong impulses to go after our desires. This will be a great day to channel this volatile yet passionate energy into projects or if the frustration of it all is getting to you then channel it into some sex magic but take caution. The energy is a bit tricky and will be like playing with fire so if you do choose the latter be wise and protect your energy.

Recommendations: divination regarding matters of the heart, sex magic

_____________________

29th

Sun in Pisces sextiles Moon in Taurus Neptune in Pisces sextiles moon in Taurus Ceres in Aquarius squares Moon in Taurus Jupiter in Capricorn trines Moon in Taurus

Energy: Today's energy will feel highly emotional yet positive. The Sun and moon sextile along with the Neptune and Moon sextile will bring a day where we will feel extremely sensitive and our feelings will be amplified by the solar sextile. However these transits along with the moon that will Trine Jupiter will bring about a positive warm mood and an ideal time to share emotions with loved ones. If you were feeling lonely before or unequal in a relationship this is a good day to talk about it. However Ceres will square the moon which can create a dynamic where we may feel we have to take care of others emotions or sacrifice our boundaries for our loved ones to attempt to take care of ours so make sure you set boundaries and protect your space.

Recommendations: Journaling, talking it out, crying on the subway alone (it's ok it's pisces season), casting blessings for loved ones

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1st

Moon conjuncts Sedna in Taurus Moon trines Pluto in Capricorn Moon trines Saturn in Capricorn

VOC 3:52PM-7:20PM Moon enters Gemini Moon squares Eros in Pisces Moon squares Mercury rx in Pisces Chiron in Aries sextiles moon in Gemini

Energy: The first of March will start off with diving deep into your personal underworld. The Lunar transits will bring an emotional day of examining our values and being transformed by our emotions or from previous traumatic or hard life lessons. Most of the aspects are harmoniously flowing so you will have the opportunity to work through it. With the moon conjunct Sedna it sets a tone for the rest of the aspects that there is the ability to transform what's negative into positives and create new life from the dim of the pisces retrograde depression zone we may all be drowning in.

Recommendations: Meditation, focus on the heart area. Divination. Drink hawthorne tea or heart-opening teas. Free-writing, journaling.

#celestial forecast #witchblr #astrology #week #retrograde #magic

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this-is-a-love-story-fleabag · 5 years

Text

Dial-a-priest

A man slips his phone number into our favourite Fleabag's back pocket, but it turns out to be a wrong number, connecting her directly to a priest. Chapter 1 of 2. 1250 words. Also on ao3.

It was late on a wet Tuesday evening. The priest was curled up in an armchair with a glass of whiskey and a second-hand paperback copy of Great Expectations for company, when his phone lit up and buzzed against the coffee table.

Unknown number: are you still awake?

He stared at the screen in puzzlement for a moment before replying.

Me: I am, who is this?

Unknown number: the hot brunette with the nice arse from the bar last Thursday

She attached a somewhat tasteful, fully-clothed photo of herself, taken at an imaginative angle, looking over her shoulder into the lens with a knowing twinkle. The priest was forced to agree with her self-assessment of her attractiveness and the quality of her arse.

Unknown number: I've got a bottle of limoncello and a value sized jar of coconut oil, want to come over for a memorable evening?

Shifting uncomfortably in his chair, he blinked a few times and very firmly suppressed the urge to reply in the affirmative.

Me: I'm afraid you've got the wrong number, but I hope you have a lovely time.

I hope you have a lovely time. Fuck! Like she'd told him she was going to spend a pleasant afternoon playing croquet.

Unknown number: are you still awake?

He stared at the screen in puzzlement for a moment before replying.

Me: I am, who is this?

Unknown number: the hot brunette with the nice arse from the bar last Thursday

Unknown number: I've got a bottle of limoncello and a value sized jar of coconut oil, want to come over for a memorable evening?

Shifting uncomfortably in his chair, he blinked a few times and very firmly suppressed the urge to reply in the affirmative.

Me: I'm afraid you've got the wrong number, but I hope you have a lovely time.

I hope you have a lovely time. Fuck! Like she'd told him she was going to spend a pleasant afternoon playing croquet.

Unknown number: well this is embarrassing.

Despite the shock of her initial brash forwardness, he had to admit he was becoming reluctantly charmed by his mystery correspondent.

Me: Don't worry about it.

Unknown number: I don't usually share my innermost secrets with strangers via text message

Me: Well you picked the right wrong number, I'm actually a priest.

Unknown number: oh jesus

Unknown number: OH, JESUS

Unknown number: you're joking

In response, he spent rather longer than he was proud of taking a selfie of him holding a bible in one hand, his collar visible, smiling in a way that he hoped didn't look too manic.

Unknown number: oh fuck

Me: So don't worry, I've heard far worse in the confession box, believe me.

Unknown number: ha

Unknown number: hear a lot of juicy sins then?

Unknown number: do share

Me: You know I can't tell you that!

Unknown number: oh go on

Unknown number: my plans for the evening are already ruined

Unknown number: entertain me

Turning his gaze up to the heavens, the priest pointed at the ceiling. "You can't get annoyed about this one," he said firmly, and took another sip of his drink.

Me: OK

Me: This is probably fine to tell because I heard it second-hand from a really fucking old priest at seminary school so the person is probably already dead.

Unknown number: are you allowed to swear, Father?

Me: I fucking hope so.

Me: OK so there was this old woman who came into the confession box

Me: and she spends a really long time asking the priest whether he's going to keep what she says a secret

Me: asking whether he's ever called the police on someone, whether the box is soundproof

Me: so the priest reassures her that it's all confidential

Me: and he's sure she's about to tell her that she's fucking murdered someone or robbed a bank

Unknown number: and??

Me: she made a rabbit pie from her daughter's pet rabbit

Me: and told her that the rabbit had run away.

Unknown number: fucking hell

Me: right???

Me: somehow I think robbing a fucking bank would almost have been better

Me: anyway, I hope that makes up for your ruined evening

The next few text messages came quickly one after another as though the words were spilling out of her as she explained herself.

Unknown number: I don't do this kind of thing

Unknown number: inviting strange men home

Unknown number: I used to

Unknown number: but I haven't had sex for 8 months

Unknown number: on purpose

Unknown number: and I ate a vegetable the other day

Unknown number: my body is a temple etc

Me: why did you stop?

Unknown number: I don't want to give up sex forever, I just

Unknown number: the next time I don't want it to be about the thrill of conquest or wanting to feel wanted

Unknown number: I want it to be about feelings or whatever

He smirked.

Me: "feelings or whatever"

Me: That's beautiful

Me: Is that from a poem?

Unknown number: fuck you

Me: I do understand. I was in a similar situation before I was called to the priesthood.

Me: Sex never brought me the peace I was searching for.

Me: what was different tonight?

Unknown number: what?

Me: why did you decide to text the number?

Me: you got this person's number a week ago, why did it take you until now?

Unknown number: Mercury's in retrograde

Me: go on, tell me

Unknown number: bad day

Me: why?

She took a long time in replying and he was about to send a second message to apologise for prying when his phone buzzed again.

Unknown number: anniversary of my friend's death

Oh, shit. This is what happens when you pry.

Me: I'm sorry for your loss.

Unknown number: thanks

Me: The funeral liturgy says that life is changed, not ended.

Me: I've always loved that, if that's of any help.

Unknown number: I'm an atheist, Father, but thank you

Me: that's OK

Me: some of my best friends are atheists

Me: that's a lie, I don't have any friends

Unknown number: except for your imaginary friend in the sky ;)

Me: oh fuck you

Unknown number: thanks for keeping me company tonight

Unknown number: me and my coconut oil are going to bed now

Me: sweet dreams

He managed to get to sleep that night without giving in to the temptation to abuse his flesh while imagining rubbing coconut oil all over his new texting buddy, but it was a close call.

After breakfast he did allow himself to send her another text, while reassuring God that he was just doing it to be helpful.

God didn't believe him, but kept it to himself.

Me: how are you feeling today?

Unknown number: better, I think

Unknown number: back on the wagon

Me: I'm glad to hear it

Unknown number: you must be an expert at not having sex

He blew out a breath and chewed on his lip, not keen to enter dangerous territory.

Me: more of an enthusiastic amateur

Unknown number: how do you do it?

Me: I believe that I'm supposed to love people in a different way

Me: sex was always so complicated

Me: I just want to be able to help people in a straightforward way, to have some clarity

Unknown number: do you miss it?

Me: sometimes

Me: but I can't deny that celibacy has brought me a lot of peace

Unknown number: what do priests actually do all day?

Me: priesty stuff

Me: writing sermons, organising the choir and the band and the football team, going around to see the housebound

Me: bit of reading

Me: fighting off the mutant bats from the attic

Unknown number: that's a rookie error

Unknown number: get the bats on side

Unknown number: instant bat army

Me: I don't get on well with the creatures of the night

Me: foxes have been after me for years

Unknown number: what do they want from you?

Me: I don't know!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Unknown number: so, easy, get the bats to protect you from the foxes

Me: can bat bites give you a disease?

Me: asking for a friend

Unknown number: oh for fuck's sake

#fleabag #fleabag/priest #phoebe waller bridge #andrew scott #my fics #dial-a-priest #wrong number au

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