#but MAN im in a nasty mood today and i dont know WHY

[rexscanonwife]

Me when I'm overstimulated and everyone is too loud and it's too busy the floor is sticky and I'm hungry and I don't like the music they're playing and someone tries to talk to me and-

[ghostsray]

Ch2: Flowers

(prev - next)

"Danny, your clone is adorable," Sam said.

Danny looked away from the plant he was observing and said, "You mean Niel?"

Sam tapped her chin. "Well, Danielle is adorable too. But yes, im talking about Niel, considering he's the one I saw yesterday."

"Oh yeah, you went to Vlad's mansion, right?" Tucker asked from where he was seated among a group of potted plants. "How was he like?"

Sam shrugged. "Like Danny, except peppier, and with a better appreciation for goth culture."

"You turned my clone goth?"

Sam stopped spraying her venus flytrap to point at Danny and say, "Hey, he's his own person, thank you very much."

Tucker leaned back and stared out the greenhouse walls. "I feel left out. How come both of you get to meet this new clone--er, person? I want to see him too..." He trailed off, staring at something in the distance, then pointed out and asked, "Is that him?"

Considering the timing, Danny almost thought Tucker was joking, but then he followed his finger and saw that Niel was, indeed, walking toward Sam's greenhouse. He didn't look very goth in Danny's opinion, although his hair was shaved on one side--but that was more punk than goth. As he got closer, Danny noticed that he was carrying a bundle of yellow flowers in his hand.

Sam went to the greenhouse's entrance and opened the doors to greet him. "So, did you get my adress from the mayor or from Google Earth?" she said.

Niel rubbed his neck nervously. "Did I do something wrong?"

"'Course not, Dracula. Come in." She made way for him, then eyed the flowers and asked, "Are those for me?"

Niel held them out, blushing slightly. "Danny said you like flowers. Uh, completely platonic flowers, of course."

Sam took the flowers from him. "I do like flowers," she confirmed, "though not so much cutting off flower roots and selling their corpses for money."

Niel blinked. "Oh."

Sam have a half-shrug. "It's fine. I'll just give it to my mom, since she loves decorating our house with flower corpses."

"I'll...be sure to get a potted plant next time."

"You better," Sam said. "Meanwhile, I'll go find somewhere to place these dead flowers so they can provide some decoration while they rot away."

Niel looked mortified as she left the greenhouse and went indoors. As soon as she was gone, Tucker burst into laughter.

"Oh man, you should see your face. Nobody is ever prepared for ultra-recyclo-vegan Sam."

Danny watched Niel with a smile as the younger boy glared at Tucker. He nodded at his hair and said, "Nice hairdo."

Niel ran a hand over the shaved part of his head. "It was Sam's idea. Something to make me look different from you." He looked across the various plants in the greenhouse and said, "She really does like plants, doesn't she?"

"You have no idea," Tucker agreed. He gestured across the room and said, "I promise you, every plant in here, Sam named. Like, those two flowers over there--what did she name them again?"

"Hecate and Nyx," Danny supplied. "Or Nyx and Hecate. I don't remember which one's which."

Niel frowned at the twin flowers. "They look the same."

"Yeah, well, Sam has some way to tell them apart," Tucker said. He cupped his mouth with one hand and whispered conspiringly, "If you ask me, I'd say she still has plant-whisperer powers from Undergrowth."

Niel ignored Tucker. He was still scowling at the plants. "Why bother keeping two of the same kind if they're basically the same thing?"

Danny had a sneaking suspicion Niel wasn't just talking about the flowers. Either Sam really trained him to become dark and brooding, or something was troubling the boy.

"Hey," Danny asked, "things okay with your dad?"

Niel shrugged, not tearing his eyes off the plants. "I think so."

"You think?"

"They're good, I think. I mean, yeah. They are." He smiled and added, "I got him to call me by my name."

"Really? That's great," Danny said, and his tone was sincere. He knew how many times Vlad insisted on calling Niel by Danny's name. Yet, for some reason, Niel didn't look as happy as he should have been regarding the news.

Danny was about to ask him what was wrong, but Tucker chose that moment to lean forward and say, "So, are you crushing or Sam, or...?"

Niel spluttered and shouted, "I am not!"

Danny would have felt irritated at Tucker, but he had to admit seeing Niel's face turn as red as Sam's anthuriums was hilarious. Maybe that was what Tucker was going for: lightening the mood a little.

"You're not what?" Sam asked, and the three boys whipped around to see her reentering the greenhouse.

"Nothing," Niel said quickly. He scratched his cheek and turned his attention back to the flowers. "Just appreciating Nyx and Hecate here."

"Hecate and Nyx," Sam corrected.

"Yeah. That." He glanced at his wrist and said, "Um, I guess I should be leaving now."

Sam raised her eyebrows. "You just got here. Don't you want to hang out a bit?"

Danny could tell Niel wanted to, but he shook his head and said, "Dad's pretty strict about my training schedule."

"Training schedule?"

"Yeah. For my ghost powers." His eyes moved to Danny, almost out of reflex. For a long time, the clone had tried to get Danny to join him as his brother, but that was before he started questioning Vlad's integrity. Now, he just kept quiet and looked away.

Sam's lips thinned. "I dont mean to offend you, Niel, but I gotta be real with you. Your dad is kind of a--"

"A horrible villain who wants to take over the world?" Tucker said.

"--a jerk."

Niel crossed his arms, not meeting any of their eyes. "He's the only parent I have. I don't know. I don't know what to feel about him."

"I thought you said things were cool between you last night."

"I did, but..."

"But?"

Niel shook his head. "It's nothing. I better go."

The trio's eyes followed him as he left, but no one tried to stop him.

.

Niel wasn't lying about the training schedule, but the truth was, his training wasn't due for another hour. Rather than return to the mansion, he stopped by an alley on the way.

There was a fast food restaurant nearby, and he bought a takeout burger and brought it with him to a small spot nestled between two buildings. He was disappointed but not surprised when he found it empty. He wasn't sure why he expected otherwise. It would have been dumb of her to stay in one place for long.

"Looking for me?" a familiar voice spoke, and he looked up and saw Danielle Phantom appear in front of him.

"So you did stick around," Niel said.

Dani floated down, stopping before her feet touched the ground so that they were at eye level. "Well, duh. I came to Amity Park because I wanted to see you for myself, and one short conversation this morning wasn't enough for me." Her eyes drifted to the box in his hands, and they sparkled as she pointed and said, "Woah, is that a Nasty Burger?"

Niel handed the burger to her. "I thought travelling around the world homeless might have made you hungry."

"Niel, I know we only just met today, but I think you're starting to become my favorite brother." After accepting the box, she landed on the floor and transformed into human, then she took out the burger and scarfed it down.

Niel watched her with interest. Even though Vlad mentioned her often, he never kept any photo of her. All Niel knew was that she looked like Danny, but younger and female. He guessed that description was true, but it was a bit hard to notice her similarity to Danny from underneath the low wool cap and oversized hoodie she wore--not to mention her incredibly messy long hair.

Niel brought out a small yellow dandelion from his pocket and twirled it in his fingers. Dani paused eating to look at it.

"Didn't you say you were going to give those flowers to Sam?" she asked.

"I did," he replied. "I thought I might keep one to give to you, though, as a sort of welcome gift." He offered her the flower.

Dani eyed it. "I appreciate the gesture, but we're siblings."

"It's a friendship flower! Yellow flowers are for friendship, red flowers are for love."

"I don't know enough about flowers to refute that, so all right." She shrugged and accepted the flower, then after a moment's thought, placed it in her hair. "What do you think?"

"You would have looked cute, if you weren't otherwise so messy."

Dani rolled her eyes. "Pompous rich people," she grumbled, then bit into her burger again, not paying any attention to the grease that ran down her chin.

Niel wrinkled his nose. "Are you sure we're related?"

"Hey, man, ask Vlad."

Niel hesitated. He toyed with his wristwatch and asked, "Was he really that bad to you?"

Dani finished her meal and sucked her fingers. "I thought we established this earlier today. Vlad probably treats you well because you're perfect, but I wasn't so lucky. He just thinks of me as a failed experiment."

"He said your body was unstable, but you seem pretty stable to me."

She chuckled. "I'm not unstable all the time. Trust me, you won't see me looking as pretty as this when I'm emotional."

If her current appearance was pretty, Niel wasn't excited to know how she looked like unstable. Dani observed him for a moment, then said, "I have to say, you really are a nice clone."

"I thought you said I was pompous."

"You are. But you also brought me a burger and a flower instead of taking me to Vlad."

Niel's eyes widened. "Why would I do that?"

"To gain his respect?" She shrugged and said, "That's what I would have done, back when he cared for me. I was almost ready to kill Danny because he told me to. Maybe it's a good thing I turned out to be imperfect and had to leave."

Niel decided to ignore the fact that Dani would have murdered a person and instead said, "You mean you didn't realize it at first?"

"Oh, no. I was stable for like a week before Vlad noticed anything amiss." She saw Niel's troubled expression and quickly added, "It's okay, I'm sure youre safe. You've stayed stable for much longer than I did. You're not a failure."

"I hope not," Niel mumbled, not feeling completely reassured.

Dani gave him a friendly nudge. "Don't worry, you'll be fine. And if you're not, you could always join your super duper awesome sister Dani on her worldly expeditions."

Niel frowned. "By the way, why do you call yourself Danny? Don't you want to go by your own name?"

"Uh-uh," she wagged her finger and said, "I'm Dani, with an I. He's Danny with a Y."

"That has to get confusing sometimes."

"Oh, absolutely. But it's also really funny. Like how there're two Hawkeyes in Marvel comics."

"There's two Hawkeyes?"

Dani gasped dramatically, then placed a hand on his shoulder and said deeply, "Niel, I really need to get you into comics."

Niel slowly moved Dani's hand away. "Okay...but I still find it weird that you want to be called Dani. Why not Elle? or Ellie?"

Dani tapped her chin and said, "You could call me that, if you like. Ellie does sound pretty cute."

"Cool, then. Ellie it is."

Ellie didn't seem to mind his new nickname for her. She wiped her mouth with a sleeve and looked at Niel's watch. "I guess I better leave. If Vlad's treating you like he used to treat me, then you probably have to do some ghost training in a few."

Niel looked down at his wrist. Had time really passed that quickly? "Yeah, you're right. Um...I'd say say you later, but..."

Ellie shrugged. "Why not? No harm in sticking around in Amity Park for a while longer, right?" She jabbed a finger at Niel and added, "Just make sure Vlad doesn't try to capture me or anything. Also, feel free to buy me food whenever we meet."

"I'll keep that in mind," Niel promised.

Niel turned away and began walking home. He glanced over his shoulder to where Ellie had been, but she was gone, probably off to do...whatever it was she did on her own.

[barnesandrogersfanfics]

Baby Love - Part 4

Pairing: Chris Evans x Reader

A/N - This chapter is just fluff lol, also the song that plays on the radio is Backstreet Boys - No Place. It came on while i was writing this chapter and it just fit. Hope you enjoy this part ❤️

I was sitting in the back yard with a cup of tea throwing the ball to Dodger, he was happily running laps around the yard with his ball before bringing it back to me to throw again. My phone vibrated on the table beside me drawing my attention, i smiled seeing a message from Chris.

Morning sweetheart, you awake yet? Xx

Morning 😘, yeah I'm awake. Im sitting out back playing with Dodger xx

Its a little early for you isn't it? Xx

I think i slept too much yesterday lol xx

Anything planned for today? Xx

Nope just gonna hang out with my main man, i might not even get dressed today lol xx

Please tell me your not out in my back yard naked??.... xx

Of course not! Im wearing your Boston shirt ;) xx

Just my shirt!? Xx

Wouldnt you like to know.....xx

I chuckled as i typed my reply, i was wearing his shirt but i also had on a pair of sleep shorts... he didnt need to know that though.

I would actually! Xx

"Come on Dodge lets feed you" i called to him getting up and heading inside.

I walked into the house and stopped suddenly as i saw Chris closing the front door and dropping his bags on the floor.

"Your home!" i beamed after the shock wore off that he was actually here....he wasn't due back for days yet!

"I had to see you" he was smiling just as much as me as he started to walk towards me "your wearing more than my shirt you little tease"

"I didn't know you'd catch me in my lie" i shrugged, just as Chris reached me he was bundled by a very excited Dodger. Within seconds Chris was on the floor with Dodger jumping all over him licking his face as Chris laughed happily.

"Guess i'll wait my turn" i laughed as i stood watching the two of them greet each other.... I may have recorded their reunion!

After a few minutes i left them to it and went into the kitchen to do Dodgers food, maybe then id get a chance to see Chris. I was humming along to a song on the radio swaying my hips a little as i fed Dodger, then put the kettle on and grabbed some mugs from the cupboard.

When i felt hands winding around my waist i jumped, i hadnt heard Chris come into the kitchen! His hands were soon resting over my tummy as he pressed a kiss to side of my neck.

"Hey" i heard him say quietly, his voice slightly muffled as he nuzzled his face against me, his hand stroking my stomach.

"Hey" i smiled leaning back against him, one of my hands reaching back and stroking the back of his hair as the other covered his hand on my stomach.

"I missed you so much"

"I missed you too"

"I think Dodger missed me more, i got kisses from him.... i mean he tackled me to the floor!"

"You want me to tackle you to the floor Evans?... huh?" I teased turning round in his arms seeing the huge grin on his face.

"I wouldnt say no...."

"I would, but i cant be tackling you im afraid.... ive got precious cargo on board" i shrugged my shoulder.

"Righttttt! Probably a good idea not to tackle me then.....doesnt mean you can't kiss me though" he wiggled his eyebrows pulling me closer to him.

"Fineeee if i have to! Your so demanding...." i started to tease him but was cut off by him crashing his lips to mine, one hand cupping my face lovingly, the other resting on my lower back pulling me closer to him. Being back in Chris's arms was the best feeling in the world, even before we took that step from friends to lovers i always loved being in his arms. I pulled back enough to get a good look at him and smiled lovingly up at him.

"What?"

"How do you look this pretty after you've been working as much as you have and then being stuck on a plane... its just not fair" i chuckled as we slowly swayed to the song on the radio "i mean i have literally just slept for about 12 hours and i look like crap"

"You look beautiful" he smiled down at me "even with your bed hair".

I playfully slapped his chest as we both started laughing, it was soon silent except for the radio as we just enjoyed being together.

"I've been all around the world, done all there is to do

But you'll always be the home I wanna come home to

You're a wild night with a hell of a view

There ain't no place, ain't no place like you

There ain't no place, ain't no place like you"

"I like this song" Chris smiled pressing a kiss to my forehead.

"Yeah me too" i said pushing my hands under his tshirt and running them up his back "so um, as nice as this is.... you planning on taking me to bed anytime soon?"

"Really?....."

"Yes! From the second i saw you walk in that door I've wanted you!"

"Oh god me too!" He quickly scooped me up into his arms and rushed to his bedroom.

The rest of the day was spent in bed, we finally showered around 10pm when my stomach was growling so loudly that it kinda ruined the mood. Chris took Dodger out for his evening walk while i ordered Chinese, i was not cooking this late!

I was in the kitchen getting the boxes of chinese food out of the bag when Chris got back.

"Just in time" i smiled over my shoulder as he walked into the kitchen.

"Smells amazing"

"You think? i thought it smelt a little weird.... you dont think this smells funny?" I asked holding out some pork chow mein, he took the box and sniffed at them before shaking his head.

"Smells fine to me"

"Really?"

"Yeah" he nodded "maybe its a pregnancy thing?"

"Hmmm maybe..... god i still cant believe im pregnant. Like, im growing a human right now.... how weird is that!"

Chris laughed throwing his head back, right hand holding his chest, yes the famous Chris Evans left boob grab laugh! "Its not weird at all sweetheart, people have babies everyday"

"I know that, its just weird that im having a baby" i shook my head "still doesnt feel real i guess"

"Well it is" he said pulling me into his arms "we can make an appointment for the doctor in the morning if that will make you feel better?"

"Yeah okay"

Chris pressed a quick kiss to my lips then passed me one of the chinese food boxes "Come on, you need to eat"

"Oh god Chris please keep those away from me" i turned away from them seeing the pork chow mein and grabbed the spare ribs "mmm these smell amazing"

"You better share woman!"

"You've got that nasty chow mein leave my ribs alone Evans" i laughed as i walked through to the living room.

"Come onnnn" he whined behind me.

"But the baby wants ribs" i pouted at him as i sat on the sofa getting comfy.

"God, fine! You can have the ribs" he sighed sitting next to me.

"Im just kidding! Of course i'll share with you...."

"Awww really?"

"Yeah of course.....you can have one"

"One??"

I burst out laughing as he grabbed me with one arm pulling me into his lap.

"Hey careful! Im gonna drop this all over your floor!"

"Lets just forget dinner and go back to bed, i like that idea more"

"I need food first, I'm starving! But we can go back to bed after i promise"

"Fine"

"I ordered extra ribs for you by the way, i knew you'd want some" i pecked his lips quickly before climbing off his lap and finally getting started on the ribs that smelt like the most amazing thing in the world.

"Hey do you have any pickles??" I turned to Chris

"What??.....pickles? Why do you want pickles... your eating chinese food"

"I really want pickles"

"Definitely a pregnancy thing" Chris muttered under his breath as he got up and headed back to the kitchen.

"Thank you!" I called out to him as i chuckled to myself, he really was the best.

@jennmurawski13

@mybabyboytony

@ms-betsy-fangirl

@vampgirl1997

@ajosieface

@afuckingshituniverse

@chmedic

[pinkchannies]

cheesier than cheesecake

i got inspired to write this on my 5 hours flight to hong kong bcz i ate cake on my way to the airport and miraculously wrote this on my flight in one go

also heading to hong kong eh wink wink nudge nudge @ agust d //slapped

well here's a jin oneshot because kim seokjin is my number one man and bias in bts and we need some shoulder man love in our lives amirite

laksndowxjoe i couldn't post this earlier bECAUSE WIFI AND MY COM WASN'T COOPERATING :(( sob well ok here i am posting it now LMAO bless wifi pls live

genre:  fluff , is this considered comedy, crack has slipped into this fic again

requested:  no 

pairing:  seokjin x reader

author notes: reader is a baking/walking disaster bcz mood, jin screaming and being a mama hen, idk how i wrote this in just one flight, chiru probably needs creative writing classes at this point, how do you come up with good titles

----------

the clock read, 2.09am. i groaned. it was one of those days again. or rather, one of those nights. of grueling hunger and cravings. and there was one way to solve it(or make it worse) without actually eating. though it may not be the best way. do u kno da wae-chiru get out i snatched my phone from my bedside table and loaded instagram, heading straight to the buzzfeedtasty instagram account. yes, tasty. the number one guilty pleasure where their food looks so good even with the simplest ingrediants, and when you recreate it it somehow looks like shit. or maybe i'm just a shitty cook. or maybe plating food to make it look aesthetically pleasing is just that difficult. or maybe both. to "satisfy" this sudden craving for sweets, i started watching videos of their deserts. god help me they look so good. the way the cream cheese blends with sugar and turns into a smooth white paste under the electric mixer, with heavy cream added to that mix and that generous teaspoon of vanilla essence that you can literally smell (jin: mMMMm sMELL) through your phone, those cheesecakes and oreos and cream and just all that fattening goodness- y'all this whole instagram account is straight up porn. i already feel fat just by watching these videos. but i'm still hungry af. the struggle is hella real who else can relate "ughhhhhh i wanna bake these godlike creations but i'm scared that i'll accidentally blow up my kitchen..." i groaned into my pillow. yeah, i’m a bit of a walking disaster, luckily i haven't reached namjoon's level. i think. one time my cookies almost turned out spicy because i was cooking spicy noodles at the same time. please don't ask. someone please just buy me a huge cheesecake to binge eat whilst i cry over my bad life decisions, one of which would be eating a whole 1542 calorie cheesecake at the asscrack of dawn. an imaginary or rather, imajinary-chiru stob light bulb went off from my head. there was one man made for this situation. one shoulder man, to be exact. i clicked on the contact "worldwide shoulders" and started typing.

(y/n) 2.30am

shoulder man take me by the hand lead me to the land that u understand

worldwide shoulders 2.35am

ya, its like 2.30am, shouldn't you be asleep? don't make me confiscate your phone

(y/n) 2.35am

sorry mom

worldwide shoulders 2.36am

yA tHIs chILd what's up, u usually don't text this late

(y/n) 2.37am

r u free tmr i wanna bake cheesecake pretty please

worldwide shoulders 2.38am

what a *cheesy* date if i do say so myself

(y/n) 2.38am

jIN its too early for puns :(

worldwide shoulders 2.39am

excuse you my puns are jinius

(y/n) 2.39am

SO cAN U BAKE WITH ME TMR :((( well actually it’ll be later today pls i owe u one

worldwide shoulders 2.40am

fine make sure u have the stuff ready, i'll come over at 10 go sleep its late

(y/n) 2.41am

yAY THANKS JINNIE

worldwide shoulders 2.41am

EXCUSE ME I AM OLDER THAN U (y/n) 2.42am :p see u tmr!! gnite shoulder man *finger heartu* worldwide shoulders 2.43am the disrespect i swear ----- "jin this is too tiring..." i groaned, my arms aching. "just a little bit more... just beat it harder." "look, must i really use my hands for this?" i whined. jin deadpanned. "(y/n) it's becoming white already, just continue. you wanted me to teach you right?" "why the hell can't i just use the electric mixer for the egg whites? its much faster than hand beating it..." i grumbled. "this is as good as doing 240 push-ups like jungkook," i whined. "my child there will be no shortcuts in this house when it comes to baking or cooking," i snorted at that. says the one who uses seasoning in his food. i mean, who doesn't? "i guess we can say that the cake will be eggcellent." he let out a windshield-wiper laugh at his own joke while i groaned at the terrible pun. "jin pls." ----- "DON'T CHOP THE BUTTER LIKE THAT OHMY GOD (Y/N) YOU'RE GOING TO CHOP YOUR HAND OFF LIKE THAT NO YOU'RE WORSE THAN NAMJOON SLICING ONIONS." jin shrieked at my horrible attempt to slice the frozen solid butter. i had forgotten to take the butter out to thaw, so now i had to face the consequences. of slicing, no, chopping, through rock solid butter that is stubborn about becoming smaller pieces. go me

he sighed and went behind me, his larger frame engulfing mine as he positioned my hand to hold the knife properly. "rest your index on top of the blade and your thumb and middle on its sides. this way, you'll have a better grip on the knife. and it reduces the chances of the knife slipping and chopping your finger off." he guides my fingers to hold the knife, while rambling on the precautions to take-which entered one ear and left the other. how am i supposed to concentrate when i've never been in this close proximity with the man until this moment? gosh he was warm and it feels real cozy, his chin gently resting on my shoulder to oversee the process, his larger hand on my smaller one guiding me to chop the butter. how domestic, i chuckled at the thought. i wonder how his hand would look like with his fingers entwined with mine- -which is what i did with the hand unoccupied by the knife. without me even registering it, i grabbed his free hand. our hands were clasped together and our fingers were tangled with each other. “omg (y/n) what are you doing” i screamed in my brain. do y’all ever just get intrusive thoughts like this and regret everything leading up to this moment. jin gave me a quizzical look that screamed "what are you doing." ok but same jin, same. well this turned awkward. in my panic, i let go of his hand. and the knife. good job, (y/n). "OH MY GOD LOOK OUT" jin yelled for what must be the 182297318th time today at my screw up and pulled me away from the knife which fell to the floor with a clang. i was pressed flushed against his chest as he pulled my body closer to his, almost as if we were snuggling. except that now is not really the time to snuggle with the situation at hand. thankfully the knife didn’t hurt any of us, but i knew, i was in deep shit with jin. i mentally braced myself for the lecture i was going to get. oh boy this is going to be ugly. "look (y/n), i dont care if you cant cook for shit." his face was starting to turn red from the incoming rant, and i had to stifle a giggle at that. there was always something amusing about jin scolding-maybe it comes from the fact that even if the mood is serious, he still wants to make everyone laugh and doesn’t want an atmosphere too damp. so his scolding just somehow turns comical. i bit down on my bottom lip harshly to stop the giggles, lest the lecture becomes longer. "but you are handling something sharp, please be careful." "i understand." i sighed. "look if i'm not here, you could have been seriously injured, you can't just play while handling knives. luckily i was around and could pull you away before it landed on your feet and cause you to internally bleed in your toe. do you even know how nasty it looks to have that black blood clot under your nail?" i nodded sheepishly. "loOK, WHAT IF YOU WERE ALONE? YOU COULD HAVE BLED TO DEATH AND THEN I WOULD NEED TO HAUL YOUR ASS TO THE HOSPITAL WHICH WOULD NOT END WELL MAJOR BLOOD LOSS IS NOT A FUN THING OK YOU NEED BLOOD TRANSFUSION SO PLEASE BE CAREFUL WITH THE KNIFE DONT BE A SECOND NAMJOON." "yes mom." "excuse you i am not your mother." "alright you're excused mr worldwide handsome... mom." "YA THIS BRAT." ----- thankfully, that was the only major incident-or as the drama queen puts it, life threatening incident-that happened while baking the cheesecake. after 2 hours of screaming together and jin telling me how to carry out baking procedures properly, we finally put the cake together. "jin, she's beautiful." i shed a fake tear at our finished product. fake tear-fake love tear-chiru why are you so lame "yeah, but im more beautiful amirite." ".....you're inedible so obviously the cheesecake is prettier than you." he looked at me with a mock look of offense and i giggled at that. "well at least my face doesn't need to be caked with makeup to look good." "jin, why are you so lame." just like me "hey at least i'm still walking." "oh my god." "i mean that's not my name, but god's also a good name for someone as handsome as me." "........i give up." there was a tense moment of pregnant silence that settled between us. suddenly, we both burst out laughing at our ridiculous banter filled with bad puns, courtesy of jin. "let's eat the cheesecake, shall we?"

[xnchxntmxnt]

Chapter Two - Turtleneck Sweater

“So it’s...Elliot?”

“Yup.”

“Not a name I'm used to hearing, sorry.”

“Well, neither is Decius, but hey,” they shrugged. “Anyway, you’ve had a better reaction than others have.”

“I’m sorry about that.”

“No need to apologize, Koushi, nothing you can do about it. I’ve learned to accept it.”

He smirked, nudging their arm with his shoulder. “Hey, at least I don’t get an ego hit anymore when you wear those basketball sneakers you loved so much in middle school. Nothing wrong with a dude being taller than me.”

Elliot laughed, taking a sip from his (new) monster. Since they knocked into each other, they started catching up (and he was nice enough to get him another monster). They hadn’t realized how long it had been since they last spoke, but it was nice to be in each other’s presence again. After all, the other was the reason they both made it through middle school.

It was safe to say, Elliot had missed his best friend. It had been too long since he and Suga got to spend time together.

Moving to Tokyo for their dad’s job left Elliot heartbroken and unsure of what to do—they weren’t exactly the friendliest person (understatement) and had trouble making friends in real life (also an understatement). Moving away from Sugawara was one of the hardest things he’d ever had to do, but in the last two years, it was almost like it didn’t matter

Which was a really, really bad way of putting it. But it was the best wait he could think to explain. Over the last few years, they’d grown apart and rarely talked despite being so close from the age of five on up.

Then again, he never did well in awkward situations. And things had been awkward when he left. He never wanted to overstep anything, so kinda stopped answering his phone. Not intentionally—he never ignored Suga—but would go a couple of hours without a reply, then the other would go a couple of hours. Hours turned into days and days turned into not knowing how to start a conversation.

Which, again, was his fault. At least partly.

“There’s always that,” he laughed. “Seriously, though, thank you for being so chill about this, man. I appreciate it.”

“No problem, El—if that’s who you are, that’s who you are, y’know? Oh, am I allowed to tell my bandmates? They’re good friends of mine, but I’ve talked about you a lot the last couple weeks.”

“Yeah, sure—wait, that’s why you’re here?”

In the ten minutes of them talking and sitting on the curb, neither thought to mention what they were doing there.

“Yeah! That battle of the bands thing! You didn’t see us yet?”

“Not yet, no—then again, any time I’m not playing or practicing, I’m more worried about writing. I leave it to Akaashi to get videos for me.”

“So you can overanalyze them later?”

“You get it!”

“Same dumbass I knew in middle school, then,” Suga laughed, pulling out his phone to check the time. “Ah, hell—told my friends I’d be back in 15 and it’s been almost 30. I gotta get going, but text me later, okay? We gotta catch up sometime this week.”

“We do! Yeah, I gotta head out, anyway, no worries. Text me when you’re bored and we can talk for a while.”

“Sounds good.”

The two of you stood, Suga offering his hand to help them up. They took it with a grin

“I’ll see you later, then,” he asked, keeping their hand in his. With one look, they knew what he was thinking. They spun him, then he spun them around, the two of them high-fiving among several different moves they came up with as little kids.

They broke away, laughing. After all these years, they still had it.

They said their goodbyes again and headed off in different directions. He thought a lot on his way over to Bokuto’s, though—Suga had grown up a lot in the last couple of years. One would say he was pretty. Definitely pretty, actually. Maybe cute.

Unfortunately, the further he walked, the more he thought. And the more he thought, the closer he came to the decision.

Ah, shit. Cute boy.

♬♬♬

Within a couple of minutes of walking, he arrived at Bokuto’s place to hang out before Akaashi and Hiraku came over for practice. They rarely exchanged small talk anymore—three years of extremely close friendship will do that to someone—and Elliot just followed him to his room.

“Had to come out again today.”

“Oh, fun! Not fun? I dunno, how’d it go?” Bokuto asked, flopping backward on his bed. He kicked his fluffy blanket to the bottom, leaving room for them to sit.

“Well...not bad, at least. Just a little weird.”

“I get the feeling you’re gonna talk for a couple of minutes.”

“I don’t have to—“

“Elliot, no, that was a joke.” He sat up, grabbing his hand. Bokuto smiled gently, reassuring him as best he could. “Tell me about it. What happened?”

They squeezed his hand gently, glad for the extra comment. It was a common process: talking/thinking about too much gender stuff -> overthinking -> a little too much anxiety -> self-doubt or crabby mood. As many mood swings that Bokuto had, they knew how to get the other to cool off. Both knew Akaashi was the best with them, but they made do with what they had.

“You remember I moved here after middle school, right?” Bokuto nodded, so they continued. “Before that, I was in Miyagi, all that fun stuff. Anyway. A really old friend of mine is in town for the battle of the bands and I got to talk to him today.”

“Was he shocked?”

“Oh, not really. I’ve always been a little ‘different’ when it comes to style—hell, I started shaving designs into my head when I was...I think ten? Maybe nine. But he said he was happy for me and if that’s who I am, that’s who I am, y’know?”

Bokuto smiled, squeezing their hand. “That’s awesome! Love it when that happens. Good for you for telling him, by the way.”

“Thanks,” Elliot said, smiling awkwardly at him. They took their hand back, beginning to pick at their nails (like usual when thinking too much).

Bokuto took their hand back and leaned over to his bedside table. He grabbed a marker and handed it to him. “Draw me something pretty. No picking.”

They laughed, hanging their head for a second. The laughter increased when he started poking their arm, screeching, “don’t! Hide! Your! Smile! Elliot!” between each poke. It was a nasty habit of theirs that they were trying their best to break, but Bokuto helped a lot with it.

So, they took the marker and started drawing.

About a half-hour and several games of Uno later, Bokuto had both hands full of doodles and designs while they talked about anything and everything.

Somehow, they managed to get onto the topic of love lives.

“Look, dude, I am determined! I’m gonna get a girlfriend by the end of high school! Or a boyfriend. Probably a girlfriend though cause I dunno about the guy's part. But it’s a possibility!”

“Keep telling yourself that, Bo,” they rolled their eyes. He was so in denial, really. They and Akaashi had a bet going.

He pouted. “Hey, well, you’re not doing any better than me! At least I like someone.”

“So you admit it!”

“Not my point!”

They laughed, running their hand through their hair. “I mean, if you’re that competitive, there might be someone…”

“AND YOU DIDN'T TELL ME???”

“Oh my god, shut up, Bokuto!” They swatted his arm (gently) and grabbed a pillow (proceeding to hide their face in it.

Bokuto only continued to pick on them for it. He tried taking the pillow from their vice grip, asking more questions and even tried rolling them off the bed, but they wouldn’t budge.

“Just WHAT am I your best friend for if you DONT tell me who you have a crush on??” he demanded, finally pulling the pillow out from under their arms. He then hit them with it before discarding it.

“Fine fine fine—if you want to know so bad, you have to guess.”

“But you’ll tell me if I guess correct?”

“No promises.”

“You’re horrible!”

“You love me. Take a shot at it.”

He thought for a moment, a starry, stupid look in his eyes. “OOH OOH OOH, DO YOU HAVE A CRUSH ON ME?”

“You’re disgusting.”

Bokuto clasped his hand over his chest, falling back on the bed like he’d just been shot. But very over dramatically. “You’ve wounded me!” Elliot kicked his leg and he shot up straight. “Okay, okay, okay, fine. What about...ooh, what was your friend’s name? Suga...sugaworo khaki?”

“Sugawara Koushi?”

“Yeah, that’s it! Him!”

Elliot sighed. There might have been some...feelings in middle school. But nothing they ever acted on. Not in a timely manner, of course. And now--shit, now he was gorgeous and all those crazy feelings from middle school were kinda coming back but also not really? Was he just thinking about this too much? Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit--

“You’re blushing, El--”

“Shut up.”

He smirked, nudging their arm. “Why are you blushing, Elliot?”

“You’re horrible.”

“So I shouldn’t mention Akaashi right now, either?”

He knew just how to push his buttons, didn’t he?

No, he didn't...like akaashi like that, but he had to admit that he was great. Really great. Like totally want to kiss him sometimes great. But he didn't like him like that. They were just really close friends and knew each other better than almost anyone else and talked almost 24/7 and they wrote music a lot even though Akaashi barely knew anything about music and a lot of his songs were about him--

“You’re still blushing.”

Elliot sighed. So he was gonna play dirty like that? Time to pull out his trap card. Which sounded stupid but it worked.

He composed himself, blinked a couple of times, and smiled evilly at Bokuto. “So, Bokuto--how’s Hiraku?”

“Oh, now you're the horrible one!”

They laughed when Bokuto hit them in the head with the previously discarded pillow. He knew what talking about Hiraku did to him--he got embarrassed and pouty until he talked to her again, then his adrenaline shot up again. Freakin dork.

Yes, this is how i actually think. Yes, this is how character elliot's brain works. Im getting slowly more nervous about this because people get to see how weird i am lol. Anyway, show of hands, who wants to talk about who you have a crush on bokuto

Also hahaha i am very trans gtfo if ur transphobic

Is it bad i expect to lose followers for this lol

taglist: @ellewords @shoyotime @i-reblog-storie @tama-jam

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[glowstickhaloboy]

smoothie klance au?? i guess

you would not guess how many half-written AUs i have in my drafts that become WAY TOO LONG for me to ever consider publishing in a text post. yes this is a short one.

keith makes smoothies for a living. it isnt a big deal until it is.

one night, this dude comes in. who cares about build-up, we all know its lance, and he looks frazzled. he sits at the counter and orders the fruitiest smoothie on the menu. keith makes it and doesnt think much of it, except to note that something about this kid is just... weird?

1: hes coming in alone, which people their age usually dont. 2: hes dressed pretty nicely. 3: hes just sitting there??? drinking a smoothie??? not even scrolling on his phone or anything, just looking around and slurping. okay weirdo. 4: he seems off. keith does not use the word “aura” on a regular basis but lance has an aura. (which does not make sense to keith, who barely understands his own emotions, let alone someone else’s.)

lance thanks keith, and leaves like thirty minutes later. hes certainly not the weirdest customer keith has ever served, but for some reason that random, singular dude sticks out in his mind.

but the shifts come and go, and gradually keith forgets about lance.

until he comes back in again.

its a lot like it was before. lance is dressed nicely, seeming miffed about something, or not miffed, exactly, but hes clearly not happy, and this time he orders a peanut butter and chocolate smoothie, and hes just as quiet as before, only this time hes rapidly tapping away on his phone instead of memorizing the inside of the restaurant, and keith is almost glad because it means he gets to sneak glances at this guy more casually??? like, hes had weird people in here before, and lance definitely isnt the weirdest, but enigma customers are intriguing to keith and he takes what he can get

the third time, its raining. lance is drenched, droplets running down the side of his face and under the collar of his (white, button-up) shirt. he smiles sheepishly at keith from across the room and sits at the counter, nearly having tripped on the way over because he didnt bother to wipe his shoes on the interior mat and created on the floor as he crossed the room.

he orders a strawberry and banana smoothie. keith has been preparing for this. he attempts small talk.

“nasty weather,” he says.

lance nods. “yep.”

god, that was horrible. 

keith hands lance his smoothie, his change, and hides at the far end of the counter. lance alternates between staring at his phone and watching the rain hit the windows and slide down the glass. sometimes, he sighs.

the fourth time, its the middle of the day. keith is just getting off his shift, but he imagines himself whipping around and demanding to stay later just so he can serve this random kid he knows nothing about???? his eyes are trained on lance as he walks out the door. he thinks lance glances at him. for the first time, keith wonders if lance comes in when keith is not there.

months pass, and lance comes in on the regular. its clear now that when he comes in, he is not happy. in fact, he seems to be getting less and less happy, judging by the fact that he starts to order mega-sized blueberry blitzes.

and then lance disappears

and keith isnt obsessed with the guy, he doesnt, like, notice except for the fact that he totally does. where the fuck did lance go???

but, you know, whatever. a customer is a customer. keith thinks about him sometimes, but lets it go for the most part.

until he doesnt.

its four more months before lance comes in again. leaves have fallen off the trees and scarves recently appeared in the street overnight. and now, all of a sudden, in an autumn sunset, lance stumbles through the door and throws himself into the nearest chair. keith can hardly believe his eyes.

“what can i get you?” he asks lance, and he thinks lance understands that keith recognizes him. still, lance takes a moment to answer, like he has to pick every part of himself off the ground first. he drags a hand down his face. looks up at the menu. looks down at his hands.

“fuckin... i dont know, man. you ever experiment with ingredients and stuff? like, on your break, you make yourself a smoothie thats not on the menu?”

keith cannot say that he has. “you want something thats not on the menu?”

“yeah...” says lance. “something with chocolate, though. i dont care how much it costs.”

its completely out of place for keith to ask why lance looks like utter shit. hes a smoothie maker, not a bartender. also, he still doesnt even know lances name. and yet.

“what am i trying to fix with this smoothie?” he asks. “rough day? heartache?”

“bingo!” says lance, a bite in his words. he laughs like he wants to die. “dont skimp on the chocolate, man, please.”

keith nods and tries to remember things that lance has ordered in the past (its never been the same thing twice) so he can use that to guess what lance would like. chocolate? what went well with chocolate??? strawberries--people dipped strawberries in those chocolate fountains. and bananas went well with strawberries. strawberry-banana with chocolate. it might be disastrous, might be passable. keith improvises a little on the portioning, delivers the finished product to lance with a pained face.

“i have no idea how this will taste.”

lance shrugs, pays the man, and sticks a straw in it. though keith has other customers, he waits for a reply. lance doesnt give him one. his face is stubbornly unreadable. but, he doesnt choke it back up, so keith doesnt make him anything else. he, regrettably, must now face the other distractions customers.

hes never focused less on what he was making. his goal is to get the order and send it out the door. in the meantime, lance sits at the counter, sucks down his smoothie, and stares at the back wall of the room as though he has recently been hollowed out. keith wonders just what the hell has been going on in this dudes life the past three months.

finally, the line empties out. keith scoots back to lance’s seat. “can i get you anything else?”

lance sets down his 3/4 finished glass (keith has to act fast) and shakes his head.

“we have cookies,” keith offers.

lance snorts into his shoulder. “man, how pathetic do i look? pity eyes and cookie offers and free conversation.”

keith drops all pretense. “what happened?”

lance hangs his head, his shoulders slumping. “i was really hoping that i wouldnt be coming back to this goddamn place for a long time.”

keith doesnt know what to say to that. he knows that it isnt about the smoothies, but he doesnt want to pry directly into lance’s life, so he says, “the smoothies arent that bad.”

“no. the smoothies are great. perfect pick me up. it just sucks that im back to needing pick me ups.” he takes a long sip of schroedinger’s disaster-passable smoothie, and instead of saying anything, keith remains silent, an invitation for lance to explain more. “i used to come in here all the time a couple months back."

“i remember,” says keith, unprompted, because he feels like lance will respond well to honesty right now.

lance raises his eyebrows but doesnt comment. “okay. well, its super lame, and youre going to think im a total loser considering you remember me, but its sort of a personal tradition for me to come in here... after i have a bad date. but i met this dude and we hit it off and we’ve been a thing for almost four months now. and then today...” he makes a soft, sad noise as his hand plummets and crashes on the counter. “he broke up with me.” keith frowns.

“that sucks.”

“yeah,” says lance. “it really, really does. so fuck guys and girls and dating in general for a while. lancey lance is going to take care of himself from now on.”

keith blinks in surprise. lancey lance. “your name is lance?” he asks.

“since day one.”

keith offers what he hopes is an encouraging smile. “keith.”

“well, keith,” says lance, standing, “keep up the good work.”

he slides a five onto the table and heads for the door. keith frowns down at it for a moment. as lance leaves, he calls over his shoulder, “its a tip!”

after that, keith doesnt see lance for a while, but now, knowing why, thats a satisfying thing.

but also, knowing that lance is into dudes and actively looking for love is a worrying thing. keith would have to be blind not to see how attractive lance is, and after their brief but insightful conversation, lance’s happiness is on keith’s wish list. lately, a particular train of thought has been running repeatedly though keith’s head: lance wants someone who is not a jackass; i am not a jackass.

but it would be totally weird for keith to ask lance out. besides, lance isnt coming into the restaurant anymore. keith physically cant ask him on a date. perhaps that is for the best.

and then, one saturday afternoon, the planets align. keith has had a confident morning, business has been steady all day, and he rolled out of bed looking good. lance walks in. contrary to keith’s power mood, lance looks like hes been recently hit by a bus and scraped off the pavement. he makes eye contact with keith on the doormat and gives a rueful smile. keith smiles sympathetically in return.

“maybe im just destined to die alone,” lance says, halfway through his coconut-key-lime whatever. “or i’ll find true love when im like thirty. which would be a bummer. im cute now.”

keith grins. hes leaning nonchalantly on the counter, a cleaning rag tossed over his shoulder. “the world is full of idiots,” he says consolingly.

lance’s eyes bug out. “im one of them!” he protests. “clearly! what am i doing wrong? keith? buddy? my man??? today, my date walked out in the middle of the movie. it wasnt even a bad movie! i have no idea what i did, but clearly she just had enough. i tried texting her, but my messages wouldnt deliver. i think she blocked me.”

“what movie did you take her to see?”

“die a virgin 3.”

“i think i might see the problem.”

“its a tasteful movie!” lance protests. “the whole franchise gets a bad rap because of one bad scene in the first movie, but this one is great! it has keaton lovinsten in it. who doesnt like keaton lovinsten? i was practically drooling over him from the first-- oh. oh. i think i know what might have turned her off.”

keith snorts. “i certainly wouldnt like it if i went out with a dude and he started eye-fucking someone else.”

casually slip into the conversation that you like dudes. good one, keith!

“i wasnt-!” lance turns beet red. “it was a movie! hes a celebrity! and there is no way it was that bad.”

“she clearly thought it was.”

lance’s head falls onto the table. “im hopeless,” he says, but he seems to feel better about saying it now. something in keiths chest settles. he thinks about the alignment of the planets and decides that he cant do this yet. hes going to let the universe keep on rotating, and he’ll catch his opportunity the next time. for some reason, he wants to take this slowly.

so lance continues to make keith’s workplace his lovelorn HQ. keith continues to give him sympathetic pats on the back, one time even literally, and eventually he feels comfortable referencing lance in conversations with others as “my friend lance...”

meanwhile, lance goes on date after date with countless people who are not keith. the jealousy is starting to eat at keith, but he can endure it because he only ever sees lance on the tail end of these tragic romantic encounters, when all lance wants to do is complain about their big noses and loud chewing. still, keith starts to feel like hes playing with fire. on any random day, lance could find someone who makes him very happy, and he would suddenly disappear for good.

on a snowy thursday, lance enters the restaurant with a shiver. he pulls off his mittens and waves to keith, who smiles and waves back over the pigtails of a little girl. when its lance’s turn to order, he appears pleasant, if worn down. he orders extra whipped cream.

“what went wrong?” keith asks good-naturedly, lounging an elbow on the counter.

lance hesitates a moment before answering. he unwraps his whole straw, sticks it carefully in his smoothie, and drinks, before saying, “actually... nothing. i mean, not nothing, but... it wasn’t a bad date this time, it was just, i dont know, weird.”

keith prickles. he doesnt like the idea of lance having a date that wasnt overtly bad. “what made it weird?”

“what was weird was that it was good, but it was with someone bad. well, not bad. hes not bad, he was never bad, but, like, he kind of broke my heart, so...”

keith flashes back to the night lance told him about his bad-date-tradition. he frowns. “your ex?”

lance stirs his smoothie pensively. “yeah. he apologized for a lot of stuff and said hes changed, and, like, i dont know what to do with that. i thought i moved on, but considering im still not seeing anyone, maybe its a good idea to try again. i mean, if its what he wants, and its what i want, then what could go wrong? its not like he was a dick, he was always nice to me when we were together...”

lance’s voice fades out. keith is trying to think of all the ways he can coolly scream THAT IS THE WORST IDEA without sounding suspicious or biased. its a damn good thing that lance is staring into his smoothie instead of at keiths face, because keith is not keeping it together. he had taken too much of his sweet time, and now lance was heading back into a relationship, and keith had to decide if he was going to try to break that up, or watch lance fall in love again.

“how do you know hes changed?” keith asks carefully. “how do you know the same thing wont happen again?”

lance eyes keith for a moment instead of replying. then, he goes back to stirring his drink. “he seemed different. it felt like he had changed. he looked good...”

“you look good,” says keith. lance’s eyes flash up to him, and keith feels his face burn, his mind shouting, idiot! idiot! idiot! “i mean! i mean that you have changed, too, so you shouldnt be hasty about this decision. you should... look at all of your options.”

“do i even have other options at this point? my other option is stay lonely and unhappy.”

“or.” keith licks his suddenly dry lips. “you could try going on a date with me.”

silence rings loudly in his ears. he cant look at lance. he cant believe he just did that. he just said it, just like that, just put it out there for the world to hear. for lance to hear.

lance asks, “do you mean that?”

keith finally looks at him, and takes it as a very good sign that instead of revulsion or discomfort, he sees surprise. surprise and something happy. it gives him the courage to smile.

“yeah,” he says. “i mean it. you could finally see me out of this stupid apron. i mean! you could see me in my normal clothes.”

lance coughs hard into his hand, and keith’s soul withers with the knowledge that they are both currently thinking about keith naked.

lance recovers, albeit with a heavy blush on his face. “i’d like that,” he says. “but, um, just so you know, if it goes badly and you decide you hate me, im buying a blender and making my own smoothies after that.”

“that’s fair, but i dont think it will go badly,” says keith. “let me give you my number.” he pulls a napkin from the dispenser and scribbles on it with a pen, slides the napkin over to lance. when did it get so hot in here?

“thanks,” says lance, folding it and putting it in the pocket of his sweatshirt.

neither of them know what to talk about now.

“um, when are you free?” keith offers. “theres a new exhibit at the gallery that my old art teacher contributed to. its space themed, i think. we could go see it.”

lance nods. “that sounds fun. oh man, this is so awkward. im so sorry. im just still trying to register the fact that you actually asked me out. i did not think that was ever going to happen.”

keith cant help but think, me either. shiro is going to be so proud of him.

and, in a moment of bravery, he decides that he likes to see lance so bashful and awkward. he cant help but press his advantage. keith sticks out a hip, leans forward on the counter, and says, “was i too subtle before?”

but it seems like keith accidentally started speaking a language that lance understood. immediately, lance turns on the charm, a smile stretching over white teeth. keith is only shocked for a moment, and he doesnt let it show. lance says, “a little. thats okay. i like shy boys.”

keith wills himself not to get flustered. “how do you feel about motorcycles?”

“motorcycles?” lance repeats, genuinely interested.

“yeah,” says keith, still smiling. “i could teach you how to ride.”

lance gags a little bit on his straw. keith laughs and leaves him sputtering to tend to a pair of kids who just came in. by the time hes finished making their drinks, lance has disappeared, and in his place is a little napkin with a smiling face and the line: am i your bike? because its easy for you to get my motor running.

keith swipes it out of public sight, grinning, and stuffs it in his pocket.

the date does not go badly. it goes very, very well. keith shows up on his motorcycle, and lance is both impressed and excited to ride it. he hugs keith tight around the middle, whooping loudly, and when they pull into a parking spot, he stumbles off the seat like a champion, drunk on adrenaline, eyes shining. keiths heart sprints. they check out the exhibit and lance amuses keith by making ritzy, intellectual comments such as, “the artist has a certain je ne sais quoi, a, how do you say, need to fuck the canvas” that have keith choking back laughter in an effort to remain respectful. it goes so well that keith has the courage to take lance’s hand halfway through the exhibit, to which lance looks down and says, “gay.” afterwards, even though they didnt plan to, they go out to eat at a diner and split a large order of fries. lance has a unique, deeply personal drink (1/3 mountain dew 1/3 cherry coke 1/3 pepsi with a shot of dr pepper) which he graciously allows keith to try. keith periodically catches himself imagining scenarios wherein he and lance show up on each others doorstep for surprise dates or lounge together half-asleep in pajama pants, lance playing video games while keith watches vine compilations on youtube. afterward, because neither of them want to go home, keith takes lance for a spin on the motorcycle just to feel lance hold onto him, and they end up parking outside a place that is very familiar to them both.

“what are we doing here?” lance asks. he frowns at a large milkshake painted on the window. inside is the counter he’s has spent much of the last six months moping at.

keith checks over his shoulder. “i thought it would be rude to ask if you were coming here after, but if you wanted to, i figured it would be polite to drop you off.”

lance shoves keith in the side, laughing. “shut up, you bastard. you damn well know that this was a good date. take me home.”

keith obediently revs his motorcycle, and they take off together. over the roar of the bike and the wind, keith does not hear lance say, “the best date.”

they arrive back at lance’s house. lance is still awkward clambering off the bike, but its better this time. keith boots down the kickstand, and when he turns back up, lance is right there.

“the best date,” lance says, knowing full well that keith is going to hear him this time. he pulls off keith’s helmet, steps close, and keith only has a flash of realization for whats about to happen before lance kisses him.

“the best date,” keith agrees, awestruck.

“i’ll text you,” says lance.

“can’t wait,” says keith.

lance’s hands are still fisted in keiths jacket. “i think this is the part where you drive away.”

“or it’s the part where i ask if i can see you again. are you free this weekend?”

“if im not, i’ll move plans. count on it.” lance lets his hands fall. “you look good out of the apron, by the way.” he hands keith his helmet. “safety first. dont ruin your face, or i might not go out with you again.”

keith rolls his eyes. “its been a privilege.” he wants to kiss lance again. “see you friday.”

he starts his motorcycle, checks over his shoulder, and kicks off onto the road, leaving lance watching after him. he cant believe its only wednesday.

[dong-hyucks]

Hello~~ How about a Lee Chanhyuk (AKMU) angsty imagine? 😅 I don't really have ideas I just appreciate these siblings so much, but maybe, how about something like he thinks you're cheating but really you're not and w/ a fluffy ending pls💕 thank you so much

Cheater ; Chanhyuk

Characters: Chanhyuk / Reader / ft. SoohyunGenre: Angst (happy ending)A/N: do ! not ! cheat ! on ! your ! significant ! other ! ! just ! dont ! this is v bad, im sorryyyy

Masterlist

   Hate. Hate. Hate.    You down on your lip as you looked through your mail. Frankly, you were sick of it all. Ever since your relationship with Chanhyuk, one half of the Akdong Musician duo, had been revealed to the public, every letter you had received had been hand-written words of disgust, anger, and hatred. To be quite honest, you were somewhat impressed by your boyfriend’s fans ability to find more things to dote on, whether it be your fashion choices to the way you styled your hair. It was different every time, but at the end of the day you knew they all held the same message.

   You don’t deserve him.

   He deserves better.

   You could go on, but you’d rather not. With a sigh, you took the new letters and put them with the rest; in a drawer located in your kitchen. A pile of hateful letters had begun to build after a fan had followed you home. Whenever he came over, you always told him not to open it; as it contained rather embarrassing photos of yourself. Lying to him felt terrible, but you couldn’t bring yourself to tell the truth.

   You just wanted it all to end; all of the letters, all of the e-mails, all of the posts about you. You wanted time to go back, to when you and Chanhyuk were a happier couple, back when your relationship had been a secret. You scoffed at yourself, feeling internally belligerent toward your own thoughts. Before, you had wished for your relationship to go public. You had wished you could have dates with Chanhyuk without hiding, without fearing being caught.

   In hindsight, you should’ve been content. You shouldn’t have rushed Chanhyuk to get permission from YG Entertainment’s president to reveal your relationship. You should have waited until you knew you could be strong enough to deal with the backlash.

   In the end, you weren’t strong enough. Not at all. You were weak under the spotlight of his fans. Not that he knew, anyway.

   Chanhyuk had seen posts and comments about you. It was inevitable. You, however, had told him you could deal with it, and that it’d go away soon. Yet another lie.

   Even six months later, you couldn’t deal with it.

   It didn’t go away.

   You couldn’t do anything. You didn’t have the power to stop all of the hate from coming to you, nor did you want his career to fault. It didn’t take long after the hate had begun that you decided to brace the pain. Accept it.

   Now, you were even lying to yourself.

   A knock sounded at your apartment door, pulling you out of your thoughts. You glanced at the clock; 1:27. You had nearly forgotten about your date with Chanhyuk. Taking in a deep breath, you forced yourself to smile as you opened the door, revealing your boyfriend of four years.

   He looked tired, but he had a small smile gracing his features. “Hey, [Y/N],” he said happily, bringing you into a hug before entering your apartment. “Ready for our date?”

   With a nod, you gestured down the hall, to your bedroom. “I just need to get something really quickly,” you smiled at him again before trudging down the hall. You hid yourself in your connected bathroom, your heart racing. You glanced at yourself in the mirror. You had very eye-bags and your lips were chapped. You looked like a mess.

   Shaking your head, you applied some lip balm and ran a hand through your hair in hopes of looking more presentable. You smiled again, staring down at your reflection. You nearly laughed at how fake you looked.

   Without missing a beat, you went back out. Chanhyuk was waiting at your dining table, fidgeting with his phone. When he heard you coming, he looked up with a smile.

   Your heart hurt at how sincere he looked. With a deep breath, you took his hand.

   “Let’s go.”

   Your date had started out fine. Chanhyuk took you out for ice cream (he had to take his mask off, which resulted in a group of fans flocking to you), completely oblivious to the sneers and glares people around you had been giving you. Whenever he’d look in anyone’s direction, their once nasty expression turned kind. Like always, you thought with a slight frown.

   Not that you were any different. Whenever Chanhyuk would glance at you, you’d show him your best smile. You made it appear that everything was okay and that you weren’t, in any way, unhappy. The thought hit you then; you were just like his fans– pretending that all was well.

   ��Where do you want to go next?” Chanhyuk asked with a giddy expression. When he saw the funny look you had been giving him, he chuckled. “Sorry,” he mumbled bashfully, his shy nature appearing, “I just missed you is all. I’ve been up to my neck in practices and performances lately. This is our first date since a couple of months ago.”

   “It’s okay.” You nearly winced at your tone. You truly hadn’t meant to sound so disinterested, and now Chanhyuk was the one giving you a look. “I’m proud of you,” you said through your teeth, “AKMU is gaining a lot of recognition; it makes sense that you’re busy.”

   Chanhyuk looked eternally grateful as he wrapped an arm around your waist, pressing his lips against your temple in a small gesture of gratitude. “What did I do to deserve such an angel?” he asked, looking at you with a grin.

   I could ask the same thing, Chanhyuk.

   “Let’s go to a cafe. There’s a new one a few blocks from here,” you suggested. “I heard it’s good.

   Chanhyuk agreed, pulling you along with him as you walked. As you made your way through the streets, you noticed people had been pointing cameras at you. Bowing your head, you bit your lip nervously. Chanhyuk, unfortunately, noticed your sudden distress. “Is everything okay?”

   Your heart panged. Chanhyuk was such a gentleman to you– you felt horrible for lying to him all of the time. Shaking your head, you glanced over at him before diverting your eyes. “I’m fine.”

   You wanted to punch yourself. Your exhaustion with the situation was catching up with you. Everything you had been saying sounded devoid of emotion, he was probably going to suspect something’s up. You kept your head down, missing the hurt that flashed in Chanhyuk’s eyes.

   He knew you were lying.

   The rest of the walk was silent, with you never lifting your eyes off of your own feet. Chanhyuk had let go of your waist, opting to simply walk beside you. You rubbed your arm, biting your lip for the umpteenth time that day.

   The two of you soon reached the cafe. It was almost full, aside from a few empty tables, and was buzzing with laughter. Luckily, Chanhyuk had put his mask back on, so you weren’t recognized immediately. “Go sit down,” Chanhyuk said, his voice sounding strained. “I’ll order for us.”

   You nodded, retreating to an empty table located in the corner of the cafe. You stared at the table, losing yourself in its pattern. You didn’t dare look up in fear of seeing another fan. You were so out of it that you didn’t even notice Chanhyuk sitting across from you with two drinks. “[Y/N]?”

   You jumped at his sudden voice, looking up at him with wide eyes. Chanhyuk looked worried. “Are you sure you’re okay? You’ve been acting weird all day.”

   You licked your now dry lips as you sputtered out your answer, “I’m fine. You don’t have to ask.” With a quiet thank you, you took the drink you assumed was yours, bringing the cup to your lips. Chanhyuk frowned at your behaviour. Something was definitely wrong, he just didn’t know what.

   His thoughts raced with numerous possibilities that may explain your down mood. Maybe you didn’t like the cafe, maybe he smelled bad (to which, he tried to inconspicuously smell himself), or perhaps you were just having a bad day. He shook his head subtly, keeping his eyes on you as he slowly took sips from his cup. Even if you were having a bad day, you would’ve told him.

   Right?

   Before he could come to anymore conclusions, his phone rang. You glanced up for the first time in a while. He apologized to you quickly before taking the device out.

   Soohyun    Accept ✓ | Decline

   “Hello?” his voice was hushed as he spoke. You watched as his face dropped, his eyes nervously moving to look at you before looking down at his lap. “What do you mean? I thought we had the day off today.”

   Ah. He was being called to work.

   It didn’t take long before he hung up, turning to look at you with guilt. “I was called in–”

   “I know. It’s okay; you can go.”

   Chanhyuk looked shocked at your seemingly nonchalance, almost to the point where he felt hurt that you would just wave him off like that.

   “I– alright. I’ll see you later.”

   You stayed there in the cafe, your once hot drink going cold. You stared at the empty seat across from you and frowned. Silently cursing yourself, you dropped your head into your hands.

   “Excuse me, are you alright?”

   You looked up and saw a man, who couldn’t be that much older than you. He was wearing an apron with the cafe’s logo so he must be an employee. “I’m fine,” you lied again. The man rolled his eyes, moving to sit across from you. You blinked at his boldness, pushing yourself back in your chair.

   “I’m Hyunbin, it’s nice to meet you.” You stared at his outstretched hand skeptically, before shaking it. “I saw your boyfriend leave. Are you sure you’re okay?”

   “Why do you care?” you asked with a sigh. You didn’t mean to sound so foul, but your mood had dropped quite a bit once Chanhyuk left, and Hyunbin mentioning it didn’t exactly make you feel better. “Besides, don’t you have other customers to tend to?”

   Hyunbin chuckled at your attitude, leaning back in his chair with a raised brow. “My shift just ended and I’m bored, so hey– why not talk to the sad looking person in the corner.” He looked at you as if he expected you to laugh at his excuse of a joke. When you kept a straight face, he laughed nervously, scratching the back of his neck.

   You rolled your eyes at him. “Glad to know I’m a form of entertainment for you,” you muttered, moving to leave.

   Before you could even leave your chair, Hyunbin reached over the table and held your wrist, keeping you in place. “Wait,” he said, his carefree expression gone serious. “I was kidding.” He paused for a second, furrowing his brows as he thought hard about something. “You don’t even have to tell me what’s wrong–”

   “Nothing is wrong,” you cut him off.

   Not caring, he continued. “You can just talk about anything! Puppies, kittens, the sky, the coffee; anything.” You stared at him curiously. Why did he care so much? “Because you look sad and I don’t like seeing people be sad.” You blinked, only then realizing you had voiced your thoughts outloud. “C’mon, just sit down with me, please? I’ll even buy you another drink; yours is cold.”

    The thought of a free drink tempted you. He was right, your drink did go cold, but you were still cautious. With a sigh, you relaxed in your chair, crossing your arms. “Fine.”

   You watched as he lit up with delight, before bounding off the the counter and ordering. You rested your chin on your palm, glancing back at him. The thought of just freely talking to someone was tempting. As much as you wished you could do the same with Chanhyuk, you worried that you would slip and expose everything you had been hiding.

   Memories of the letters you received that morning flashed in your mind, making you frown.

   “You look sad again,” Hyunbin whined, as he sat across from you. He had the same drink Chanhyuk had ordered for you in his hand. He placed it in front of you before sitting down again. “What’s up?”

   You raised a brow, “I thought I wasn’t being forced to talk about it.”

   Hyunbin laughed, shaking his head. “Let’s talk about anything. Maybe it’ll lift your mood.” You pursed your lips. “Okay,” he mumbled, sensing your hesitation, “I’ll think of something.” He did, and he thought for a very long minute. “Music! What kind of music do you listen to?”

   You couldn’t help but realize how the male in front of you resembled a puppy. Throwing caution into the wind, you opened your mouth to respond.

   Chanhyuk panted as the music slowly came to an end. He held his position until it the song completely faded away, then proceeded to collapse onto the cold floor of the practice room. Soohyun, who was in the midst of packing, frowned at her brother. “Go take a break,” she told him, noting the exhaustion that was apparent in his expression. “You’ve been dancing straight for hours.”

   He looked over his shoulder at her, making her gape at him. “What’s up?” she asked, putting her bag back on the chair it was once on. “You haven’t said a word since you got here and now you look all depressed. Did something happen on your date with [Y/N]?” Soohyun put a hand on her hip, her brows closing together as she inspected Chanhyuk’s expression. When he didn’t answer, she sighed. “Did they get upset because you had to leave?”

   After staying silent, Chanhyuk finally shook his head. “[Y/N]… looked upset for practically the whole date.” He grumbled something incoherent under his breath, pushing his hair back. “They’ve been like this for a while and I have no idea why,” he mumbled, frustrated beyond belief. He remembered how down you looked as you walked before, his heart clenching at the thought. “Maybe I did something.”

   Soohyun took a deep breath, exhaling slowly as she thought over Chanhyuk’s situation while he moved to turn the music back on. Chanhyuk, due to being very later to practice, had to keep practicing for the amount of time he missed; which was two hours. Soohyun, however, was allowed to leave. “I can go over to their apartment and ask. Maybe they’ll tell me.”

   “Why would they tell you what’s wrong but not me?” Chanhyuk asked, his voice low. Soohyun frowned at her brother’s pitiful kicked puppy look.

   “There are some things [Y/N] might not be comfortable with telling you yet.” Though she felt bad saying it, she knew it was the truth. Some of her friends had confided her with things they couldn’t tell their significant other in the past, so perhaps you was going through something similar.

   When Chanhyuk nodded, Soohyun went back and grabbed her bag. “I’ll text you,” she bid goodbye, slinging her bag over her shoulder as she tightened her ponytail.

   Their manager was outside the room, fiddling with his phone. “Ready to go?” he asked, putting it away after noticing her. She nodded, following him down the hall and out of the building to their van. “Could we make a quick stop? It shouldn’t take too long,” Soohyun asked after buckling herself in. The manager nodded, following her directions in silence.

   It wasn’t long after they entered the van that they arrived at your apartment. “I’ll be here,” the manager nodded at her, taking the car out of ignition. Soohyun bowed quickly before rushing into the apartment building. She didn’t have her mask on her, so she had to hide her face with her sleeve. Making her way up to your floor via the elevator, Soohyun tapped her foot, humming to Akdong Musician’s new song. The elevator dinged and she bounded down the hall to your familiar door.

   Upon turning a corner, Soohyun stopped dead in her tracks. She watched with wide eyes as a man wrapped his arms around you in a hug. You weren’t pushing him away at all– you were smiling up at him. “Thanks for tonight, Hyunbin. It really cheered me up,” she heard you say to him.

   Soohyun held in a gasp, covering her mouth. You weren’t cheating on Chanhyuk, were you? She felt anger bubble in her stomach. Yes, she adored you; Soohyun thought you were really nice, but Chanhyuk was family and came before anyone, including you. Taking her phone out, she took a photo quickly before turning on her heel and walking off before either of you could see her. She couldn’t confront you directly, especially not out in the hallway where anyone could see.

   Despite her suspicions, Soohyun hoped to every deity there was that she was wrong.

   Chanhyuk leaned against the mirror, his hot breath fogging up his reflection even further. Beads of sweat travelled down his temple as he chugged down his bottle of water. He paused when he heard his phone go off. He wiped his brow, dragging his feet over to where he kept his phone. He had received a text from Soohyun.

   Did she already talk to [Y/N]?, he thought, opening the text quickly. When he saw what the text contained, his heart dropped. His already heavy breath grew heavier, his eyes widening. Along with her small message, I’m sorry, Soohyun had sent a picture of you and another man.

   You looked happy.

   Though completely exhausted, Chanhyuk felt himself grew angrier by the second the longer he stared at the photo. He hadn’t seen you truly smile for months; so why were you smiling like that with someone else? His eyes trained on your shoulder, where the man had his hand. He seemed familiar, but Chanhyuk couldn’t remember, nor did he care.

   Without a second thought, he went to your contact.

   You were still smiling when you entered your apartment, having just sent Hyunbin off. After he asked you about music, the two of you hit it off. You talked for hours, something you only realized when his boss came out and told you that the cafe was closing. Hyunbin had then offered to walk you home. If it hadn’t been close to midnight, you would’ve declined his offer, but since you had to walk you didn’t see a problem with it.

   At the end of the night, you were even able to tell Hyunbin about the hate letters you had been getting. Hyunbin had comforted you about it, offering advice on how to get passed the hate. “You should tell him about the letters,” he had said before leaving, “he’ll understand why you’ve been acting so distant if you do.” With a nod, you decided to tell him in the morning, since he may be tired or busy from work.

   Before you even reached your bedroom, your phone dinged, signaling you were getting a text. You smiled when you saw Chanhyuk’s name pop up, but it wasn’t long before your happiness dwindled.

   Chanhyukie ♡ ; 11:39 PM   Let’s break up.

   You wanted to scream. Tears fell from your eyes, as your body shook. Your knees buckled causing you to collapse, your things falling around you with a loud thud. Soon, you got another notification.

   Contact Chanhyukie ♡ has blocked you.

   Weeks had passed since then. It was announced that you and Chanhyuk had broken up, the massive amount of articles about it adding insult to injury. The hate letters and emails seem to have ceased, but in their place was the burning feeling of sorrow. Everything seemed much too melancholy to you. Hyunbin had visited your apartment, obviously seeing some of the articles, but you never answered the door. You had only left your apartment to get groceries, but even then you were barely out for an hour.

   No matter how many times you texted or called Chanhyuk, you knew he wouldn’t answer. He did block you and it seems that Soohyun did as well

   Hyunbin had also tried to text you, but you muted his contact. You couldn’t bring yourself to block him, but you truly weren’t in the mood to talk to anyone, unless it was Chanhyuk. Call it selfish, but you didn’t want to talk to anyone but him. You wanted answers, and you wanted to tell him about everything.

   You trudged through your apartment, making your way to the kitchen. The photos that had been hanging on your refrigerator door were turned around. They were, after all, photos of you and Chanhyuk. There were so many around your apartment, you were almost shocked to see the abundance of photos that reminded you of your relationship.

   You flinched when someone started to pound on your door. You sighed, going over to the foyer. “Hyunbin if that’s you, stop. I’ve already gotten complaints from the neighbours about you making too much noise,” you scolded, hugging your blanket around you tighter. The knocking stopped, but you didn’t hear the sound of ceasing footsteps.

   “If you don’t want anymore complaints, open up,” you heard Hyunbin say. With a groan, you opened the door. Hyunbin jumped at the sight of you– being very transparent with his thoughts.

   “Look,” you mumbled, tired, “just go home. I don’t know why you keep bothering with me, we hung out once.”

   Hyunbin’s expression dropped, the corners of his mouth conforming into a frown. “I thought we were friends,” he mumbled with a hurt look. You groaned again, opening the door completely. You cursed yourself for giving in so easily as he brushed passed you and into your apartment.

   “How are you?” Hyunbin asked after you closed the door. You narrowed your eyes at him, before turning away.

   “Take a guess,” you muttered, taking a jug of orange juice out of your fridge. He watched in silence as you poured a glass, sliding it over to him over the counter. Hyunbin made a noise, jumping to stop the glass before it slid off the counter. You poured yourself a glass before leaning against the stove to look at him.

   “If you don’t mind me asking, how did you break up?” Hyunbin asked after taking a sip, “I thought you said you were going to tell him about the letters. You looked down at your glass, tracing your finger over the rim of it. You swallowed thickly before looking back up.

   “He broke up with me. Through text.”

   The look Hyunbin gave you was one of offence and shock. He hastily placed his cup on the counter and made his way over to you. Bringing you into a hug, he rubbed your back slowly. “He must’ve been a real asshole to break up over text,” he grumbled, pulling away.

   You shook your head, looking down once again. “No, Chanhyuk’s not an asshole. He’s quite the opposite, actually.” You, like Hyunbin, placed your glass on the counter. “I just wish he told me why he broke up with me, or at least unblock me so I can ask and explain my attitude.”

   Hyunbin huffed. “You know what you need? A shower–” You gave him a glare. “– and some time outside.” Before you could object, he brought your glass up to your mouth, effectively silencing you. “Don’t lie to me, I know you’ve barely been out since you broke up.” He began to frown, “do you not have a job?”

   The thought of a job hit you suddenly. You let out a moan of frustration as you covered your face with your hands. “I was looking for a job before the break up. I completely forgot.” You thought of your soon-to-be empty wallet and frowned. Getting a job added to your list of stressful things in your life.

   “Hey,” you mumbled after a moment. “Is the cafe hiring?” Hyunbin’s eyes lit up, exactly like a puppy who got a treat for being good.

   You stood with a straight back as you smoothed over the wrinkles on your apron. Hyunbin had helped you update your resume and eventually, you got hired at the cafe. It was great to do something after moping around uselessly for three weeks.

   At first, it was truly difficult. Some of the customers had recognized you as Chanhyuk’s ex-lover and some had the nerve to ask you very personal questions about the entire ordeal (questions that Hyunbin had helped you out with). It didn’t take long before you knew how to deal with such customers yourself, something that Hyunbin bragged about for you.

   “Hey,” Hyunbin poked his head into the room. You glanced up from the coffee machine and up at him. “Can you take over for me? A customer just ordered a drink I haven’t taught you yet.” You nodded, quickly finishing the current drink before heading out. You made your way to the cash register without looking up.

   “Caramel macchiato,” you called, placing the drink on top of the counter. You glanced over at the next customer in line, freezing when you made eye contact. You hadn’t expected them to go to the cafe though it was, of course, possible. Forcing a smile, you clenched your fists beneath the counter, away from their eyes. “What can I get for you today?”

   Soohyun and Chanhyuk looked at you with wide eyes. Though they had caps and masks on, you could very easily recognize them, having spent the past five years with the siblings. Quickly, Soohyun elbowed Chanhyuk in the stomach, who seemed to be too surprised to answer.

   “I’ll have a medium iced coffee and he’ll have the same, but a large,” Soohyun answered, obviously still in shock. You nodded, entering their order into the register. “That’ll be ₩5500,” you spoke through your teeth, trying your hardest to keep smiling, just as your boss had instructed for you to do.

   After exchanging the necessary amount of money, Hyunbin came back out with the complicated drink. You narrowed your eyes at him, noticing that it was a simply a cup of black coffee, the first drink you had learned to make. “I’ll take over now, [Y/N],” he said with a grin. You poked his stomach in retaliation, smiling naturally when he flinched away from you.

   You looked back to the siblings, who had been watching your interaction, before rushing to the back to make their orders. You felt as though you couldn’t breathe when you were out there. Holding a hand against your heart, you leaned over the metal counter. You were thankful that it was a slow day, otherwise you would’ve had to rush.

   Quickly making their drinks, you came back out and called their orders. Before they could even get the drinks, you stumbled back into the backroom. Hyunbin followed after you, frowning. “What was that?” you mumbled, gently hitting his shoulder. “You did that on purpose, you jerk.”

   “I’m sorry,” he drawled, “I thought seeing you would make him feel at least some ounce of regret but they just left as soon as they got their drinks.” He quickly dodged your hand when you moved to jab his stomach again.

   “Go back out there,” you shooed him out. “We still have customers you know.” With a pout, Hyunbin followed your orders. Now, alone in the room you closed your eyes. You could hear your heart pounding.

   Damn Chanhyuk, you thought, damn him for still having this affect on me.

   After his shift, Hyunbin closed up the cafe. Because it was such a slow day, a few of your other coworkers were allowed to leave early, leaving you and Hyunbin. You had gone home an hour before, with Hyunbin’s permission, leaving him alone. He sighed, walking off in the direction of his home.

   He saw you beating yourself up earlier, after seeing Chanhyuk. He felt horrible for making you face him again, when it appeared that you weren’t ready. On the other hand, he felt angry. How could Chanhyuk just break up with you out of nowhere? Through text, no less. Truthfully, after hanging out with you, Hyunbin had started to feel something for you, but he wouldn’t dare act on his feelings.

   He could tell that you still loved Chanhyuk.

   Hyunbin looked up. He always passed the YG Entertainment building on his way home, something he thought was really cool. He stopped walking upon seeing a duo walk out, talking to each other distinctively. It seemed that they saw him as well because, after looking in his direction, they stopped talking.

   Though he felt scared, Hyunbin walked over to them. “Chanhyuk,” he began, “could I talk with you?” Chanhyuk exchanged a glance with Soohyun, who wore a worried expression. “It won’t take long, or rather, it shouldn’t.”

   Chanhyuk nodded, ushering Soohyun to their company van. He and Hyunbin moved away from the van for privacy. “What do you want to talk about?” Though his words were proper, Chanhyuk’s tone held hostility and caution.

   Hyunbin tilted his head. He assumed that Chanhyuk could figure it out on his own. “[Y/N],” he answered simply. “I want to talk about [Y/N].”

   Chanhyuk paused. “Go on.”

   “Why did you break up with them?”

   Chanhyuk looked surprised for a second, before he looked away, scoffing. “I thought they’d be able to put the pieces together, but guess not.”

   Hyunbin narrowed his eyes at him, “Put the pieces together? You broke up with them over text without an explanation. How could [Y/N] simply put the pieces together?”

   “They weren’t faithful,” Chanhyuk mumbled, “Probably hadn’t been for weeks before we broke up.” Chanhyuk turned and glared at Hyunbin, “Don’t act like you don’t know. Soohyun sent me a picture that day– a picture of you and [Y/N]. Honestly, I’m surprised I didn’t see it before. They were always so distant and they would shy away from me–”

   Unable to contain himself, Hyunbin reached forward, grabbing Chanhyuk by the collar of his jacket. Anger coursed through his veins, as he shook the boy violently. “You think [YN] cheated on you? With me?” he spat, glaring at him. “You’re a real idiot, you know that? [Y/N] would never do something like that, much less with me.”

   “What–?”

   “No matter how I feel toward [Y/N],” Hyunbin confessed, “they will never feel the same. You know why? Because they still love you! I don’t know why but they do. They still love you even though you refuse to see the truth.”

   Chanhyuk tried to push Hyunbin away, but he was both taller and stronger than him. “You want to know why [Y/N] started acting strange? Because every goddamn day they received hate. I’ve seen them– the letters they stashed away in the kitchen. You didn’t even hear them out.” Recognition flashed through Chanhyuk’s eyes once he mentioned the kitchen. “They pretended to be okay because they didn’t want to worry your sorry ass. Even now, they still pretend. After you left the cafe, [Y/N] retreated to the back and was distracted for the rest of their shift because of you.”

   With a huff, Hyunbin let go of Chanhyuk, not bothering to help him when he lost his footing and fell back. “[Y/N] never cheated on you,” he said, backing up. “And you’re an idiot for not seeing that.”

   Without another word, Hyunbin walked off to his house. Soohyun watched him walk away from the van, surprised when Chanhyuk didn’t follow. Exiting the vehicle, Soohyun went back to where they had walked off to. When she got there, Chanhyuk was still on the ground, staring at his shoes. “Chanhyuk?”

   It didn’t take long before she realized he was crying. “They didn’t cheat on me,” he stuttered, wide eyed. “I broke up with [Y/N] and they didn’t even cheat–” he cut himself off, wiping his eyes with the back of his hand. Guilt struck Soohyun like a truck at full speed. Her brother’s sadness was because of her, and no doubt [Y/N] had suffered as well.

   Biting back her own tears, she fell to her knees and hugged him. “I’m sorry,” she mumbled into his hair. “This is my fault.”

   After a while of just sitting on the ground, Soohyun felt determined. She got up, dragging Chanhyuk with her. “We’re going to [Y/N]’s apartment and you’re going to make up with them,” she decided, pulling him into the van. After telling their manager the address again, she turned to Chanhyuk.

   “I’ll apologize for the misunderstanding as well,” Soohyun said with a sad smile, “This all happened because of me after all.” Chanhyuk didn’t refuse to go, nor did he speak. He merely nodded, and watched the scenery pass by as their manager drove to the apartment building.

   When they arrived, Chanhyuk could almost feel his heart pounding out of his chest. He felt nervous. You probably weren’t going to forgive him; he had broken up with you in such a heartless way and then ignored you for weeks after. The ride in the elevator was suffocating, both of the siblings drowning in guilt.

   When they reached your door, Soohyun stopped. “Stay out here for a second, yeah? I don’t know if [Y/N]’ll be ready to see you out of nowhere.” Soohyun pushed Chanhyuk a few doors away before knocking on the door.

   You opened the door seconds later, startled upon seeing Soohyun. Before you could close the door, Soohyun stopped the movement with her hand. “What do you want, Soohyun?” you asked, your voice weak. You trained your eyes on the door handle, unwilling to meet eyes with the woman who you called your best friend prior to the breakup.

   Soohyun frowned at your disheartened state, her heart panging when you refused to make eye contact. “I just want to explain some things,” she said, her voice barely above a whisper. You finally looked up at her. Soohyun held sincerity and guilt in her eyes; enough to make you give in. With a sigh, you let her in, closing the door behind you.

   Soohyun pursed her lips, pressing her fingers against one another in hopes of calming her nerves. “Chanhyuk broke up with you because of me,” she said quietly. You whipped your head toward her, a feeling of betrayal hitting you quickly. “The day he broke up with you I came here, and when I did I saw you with the man from the cafe. I made assumptions and I sent a picture to Chanhyuk, which lead to…” she trailed off.

   You stayed silent, absorbing the information quietly. “Do you,” Soohyun’s voice brought you out of your trance. “Do you still love my brother?”

   The apartment went silent. The chatter of your neighbours buzzed through the thin walls of your apartment, their voices being the only obvious noise. You thought back to earlier in the day, when they had visited the cafe. Just seeing him again made your heart race out of control. You started to laugh weakly, surprising Soohyun. Running a hand through your hair, you looked to Soohyun with glazed over eyes. “Yeah,” you said simply, your voice cracking. “I do. It’s pathetic of me, but I still love him.”

   The door opened.

   You didn’t have to look up to know it was Chanhyuk. No one else would blatantly barge into your apartment unwelcomed, much less after what you had just confessed. “I’ll leave you two alone,” Soohyun coughed, quickly retreating out the door. You stayed where you were, not moving to greet your new guest.

   Sighing, you turned to him. “Would you like a drink–”

   “I’m so sorry, [Y/N].” You ignored the fact that he cut you off, standing stiffly on the spot. “I shouldn’t have broken up with you like that without finding out what actually happened. That was completely unfair to you.” Chanhyuk made his way over to you, stopping a mere metre away from you. You could easily smell his cologne from where you stood, the distinctive smell bringing back happier memories. You noticed that his eyes were bloodshot.

   “You weren’t the only one who was unfair,” your voice quavered. “I was lying to you, after all.”

   With a nod, Chanhyuk moved to grab hold of your hand, freezing momentarily when you moved away. “Your friend told me about the letters you got,” he started, “I’m sorry I didn’t realize.”

   You bore into his eyes exasperatedly. “Stop apologizing,” you uttered. “What happened was because I lied to you about it. You broke up with me because I led you to think I was being unfaithful to you.”

   Chanhyuk reached out to hold you, this time succeeding. “We’re both at fault here then,” he murmured, bringing you into a hug. His warmth surrounded you, and you found yourself slipping. Whatever walls you had attempted to put up around yourself to protect your own feelings from him had crumbled the moment he walked into the cafe.

   “I’m sorry,” he choked. “I,” he paused, burying his face in the crook of your neck, “I still love you.”

   You sat at your dining table, going through your mail.

   Hate. Hate. Hate. Bills. Hate.

   You bit your lip. Pushing the letters away, you rubbed your temple in hopes of curing your pounding headache. Shaking your head, you continued through the pile. Out of all of the envelopes, one in particular stood out.

   You furrowed your brows at the baby blue envelope, flipping it over. There was no return address, the only words being your apartment number and address. You carefully opened it, revealing a piece of lined paper that had been folded with great care. It’s contents surprised you greatly.

   Dear, Mr/Miss [Y/N]

   It must’ve been hard, right? I read the articles… how can people call themselves fans when they send an innocent person hate? I think… you’re very brave for being able to smile through it all. I saw you today, at the cafe. Does that sound creepy? I swear I’m not a crazy fan! Um… anyway, I’m very happy for you and Chanhyuk! You guys are really cute together. I know it’s unrealistic to say that the hate will stop but… I wish you the best!

   From, a very happy fan :)

   You chuckled as you read the letter. It was obvious someone of a younger age had written the letter, as the writing was quite messy, though legible, and there were a few spelling mistakes. You soon felt pressure on your shoulder. You looked over, smiling at Chanhyuk who had begun to read the letter. When he finished, he too chuckled.

   “Cute letter,” he beamed, turning to brush his lips against your cheek, his subtle warmth escaping from you far too quickly. “I’m off to practice,” he announced, standing straight.

   Smiling up at him, you replied, “Drink water throughout, okay? I don’t want you fainting again.” Rolling your eyes, you stood to peck his lips quickly. “I’ll see you later.”

   You watched as he left, before looking back at the short letter. Still grinning, you carefully put the letter back in its envelope and walked over to the kitchen. You put the small, blue envelope into the specific drawer that you had once avoided like the plague. The same drawer, however, was now filled with happier letters from fans.

   You walked off, grabbing your keys and your jacket. With a deep breath, you stepped out of your apartment, feeling confident and euphoric with life for the first time in months.

what a weak ending omf

[flcwerstudies]

cute tag!

pretty long post coming up!! Thanks to @cafedetude for tagging me!! im tagging: @hermiionegrcnger​ @studying-frenzy​ @belledoe​ @tiny-notes​ @theteadesk​ !! You don’t have to do this if you don’t want to ofc and if u want to do it and i haven’t tagged you go ahead!! 

1: when you have cereal, do you have more milk than cereal or more cereal than milk? there must always be more milk than cereal, but that amount must not exceed a certain amount do you get me? when i scoop my cereal there has to be proportionate amounts of milk in each scoop, consistently, until i have finished my bowl. my mind is a strange and lonely place. 

2: do you like the feeling of cold air on your cheeks on a wintery day? yes! its so refreshing and i feel like all your lethargy just evaporates... i love taking walks in the winter around my neighborhood in the evenings.

3: what random objects do you use to bookmark your books? spoons, lipsticks, i once used another book to bookmark a book, hair elastic, my contact lenses case, compact mirror....im a mess, i know 

4: how do you take your coffee/tea? tea: scalding hot with lots of sugar and some milk. coffee: lots of milk, so much sugar 

5: are you self-conscious of your smile? no? i just want my braces off!!

6: do you keep plants? yess

7: do you name your plants? yes! i am currently growing two wild roses and I’ve named them Calliope and Polymnia. 

8: what artistic medium do you use to express your feelings? journaling, writing, reenacting musicals and dramatic renditions of songs? 

9: do you like singing/humming to yourself? yeah ofccc it keeps me sane 

10: do you sleep on your back, side, or stomach? back and side 

11: what’s an inner joke you have with your friends? CAROL THE LESBIAN LIBRARIAN // mary walks by // too many to list here tbh 

12: what’s your favorite planet? mars! and also venus 

13: what’s something that made you smile today? my friends 

14: if you were to live with your best friend in an old flat in a big city, what would it look like? a hurricane flew thru the entire place, empty wine bottles on the ground, beanbag chairs, stacks of books and movies, maybe a cat and a dog lazing around on the couch 

15: go google a weird space fact and tell us what it is! there’s a gigantic cloud of alcohol wayyyyy out in outer space that could produce over 450 trillion pints of beer 

16: what’s your favorite pasta dish? give me all the pasta. i love all pastas. 

17: what color do you really want to dye your hair? im ok with my hair color now 

18: tell us about something dumb/funny you did that has since gone down in history between you and your friends and is always brought up. GETTING A CAPUCHIN MONKEY AS MY PATRONUS ON POTTERMORE

19: do you keep a journal? what do you write/draw/ in it? yes! i rant a lot and i sort of write down reflections? on my day and things. its really emo and angsty lmao im 16 pls 

20: what’s your favorite eye color? brown eyes. so gentle. so sharp. so kind but so cruel. so ambiguous! 

21: talk about your favorite bag, the one that’s been to hell and back with you and that you love to pieces. my tote bag from myanmar! the straps are falling off but i love it so much 

22: are you a morning person? depends on if i slept early enough 

23: what’s your favorite thing to do on lazy days where you have 0 obligations? sleep, watch a movie, watch youtube, read 

24: is there someone out there you would trust with every single one of your secrets? absolutely not. it always pisses me off when people are like ohhh you can tell me anything??? no i can’t???? 

25: what’s the weirdest place you’ve ever broken into? my friend’s house lmao 

26: what are the shoes you’ve had for forever and wear with every single outfit? my peach converse! they’re so pastel and they seem weird but converse generally go well with a lot of things 

27: what’s your favorite bubblegum flavor? i don’t like gum tbh 

28: sunrise or sunset? both 

29: what’s something really cute that one of your friends does and is totally endearing? sticks his tongue out when he’s concentrating and its so cute i die everytime 

30: think of it: have you ever been truly scared? yes but i will never ever go into detail with anyone about this lmao 

31: what is your opinion of socks? do you like wearing weird socks? do you sleep with socks? do you confine yourself to white sock hell? really, just talk about socks. i love socks, i like wearing weird socks except for toe socks, people who sleep with socks on are Immune to Heat and Not Afraid Of Dying?? no white socks get nasty real quick and they’re so bland, i love socks i have this grey pair with french bulldog faces allllll over it and i wear them all the time and even though people can’t see them i still get happy and tell people about my dog socks. 

32: tell us a story of something that happened to you after 3AM when you were with friends. HA LMAO we had just watched a scary movie so obviously we turned on my little pony and watched that for two hours 

33: what’s your fave pastry? cupcakes! anything tbh i have an enormous sweet tooth 

34: tell us about the stuffed animal you kept as a kid. what is it called? what does it look like? do you still keep it? my dad used to go on a lot of business trips and he came back once with a huge stuffed bear from switzerland and its so fuzzy its still on my bed. it’s name is Fred and it wears overalls and it has brown fur! 

35: do you like stationary and pretty pens and so on? do you use them often? yes to all!!

36: which band’s sound would fit your mood right now? paul anka lmao he’s not a band but ya know 

37: do you like keeping your room messy or clean? clean

38: tell us about your pet peeves! wHEN UR JAMMING OUT TO MUSIC AND THEN SPOTIFY JUST STOPS WORKING?? people asking me if im mad when im just being quiet and then making me mad by continually questionning me, people who will ask dumb questions (yes, there are always dumb questions. google is free and im not going to tell u the homework, it’s written on the board quite clearly u moron), racist/homophobic/ableist/ generally offensive and disrespectful people 

39: what color do you wear the most? grey and navy 

40: think of a piece of jewelry you own: what’s it’s story? does it have any meaning to you? I have mismatching earrings that my grandmother got me for my birthday! 

41: what’s the last book you remember really, really loving? Fifteen Dogs by Andre Alexis! 

42: do you have a favorite coffee shop? describe it! the starbucks on center street it’s very Starbucks, exactly what you would expect, but I always sit in the corner spot near the windows 

43: who was the last person you gazed at the stars with? My family! 

44: when was the last time you remember feeling completely serene and at peace with everything? sitting in the sand in shell key, florida. my feet are in the water and i am watching my family swimming. I am very sunburnt but my mind is completely blank in a good way 

45: do you trust your instincts a lot? absolutely 

46: tell us the worst pun you can think of. ofc they used a baby lion as their mascot. it’s simba-lic. 

47: what food do you think should be banned from the universe? there’s this food in korea that’s just stir fried rice with soybean sprouts and the sprouts..... aw god....they refuse to be bitten in half and it’s so gross i hate it sm 

48: what was your biggest fear as a kid? is it the same today? darkness! and no it is different today!

49: do you like buying CDs and records? what was the last one you bought? there are scarce places to buy CD’s now but the last one I bought was Micheal Jackson’s Bad 

50: what’s an odd thing you collect? bottle caps and paperclips and also pens i pick off the ground 

51: think of a person. what song do you associate with them? my dad. any aretha franklin song 

52: what are your favorite memes of the year so far? the spongebob one and the gif of the white man who blinks a lot....u know the one 

53: have you ever watched the rocky horror picture show? heathers? beetlejuice? pulp fiction? what do you think of them? i loved all of them and i want to be able to quote them in all of my speech but i dont think people have watched all of them 

54: who’s the last person you saw with a true look of sadness on their face?  i was working on homework last night and when i was turning on my laptop to work on my project i met my reflection in the screen 

55: what’s the most dramatic thing you’ve ever done to prove a point? been incredibly bitchy like damn.....i surprise myself and i really hate it 

56: what are some things you find endearing in people? when people use weird shit as bookmarks, when they laugh with their eyes shut, laugh lines near their eyes, dimples, kindness, when they aren’t afraid of making eye contact with me bc i have weirdly intense eyes  

57: go listen to bohemian rhapsody. how did it make you feel? did you dramatically reenact the lyrics? it did not fit the mood of my day but yes i did reenact the lyrics 

58: who’s the wine mom and who’s the vodka aunt in your group of friends? why? my friend diana is the wine mom but i am the vodka aunt. why?? she is infinitely more caring and kind and sophisticated and also wine gets u lowkey, calm drunk, while i, the vodka aunt, am caring, but i have a bit of a laissez faire attitude and go with the flow and ‘damn what the hell fuck it’ kinda vibe and vodka gets u sloppy shitfaced drunk with none of the sophistication that comes with wine. 

59: what’s your favorite myth? icarus

60: do you like poetry? what are some of your faves? i dont LOVE poetry but i like haikus they’re like clever one liners ha 

61: what’s the stupidest gift you’ve ever given? the stupidest one you’ve ever received? I gave my friend a notebook that i’d hastily made the night before and I have received a box of pads which in retrospect is not even a stupid present bc pads are expensive 

62: do you drink juice in the morning? which kind? i drink oj when i can 

63: are you fussy about your books and music? do you keep them meticulously organized or kinda leave them be? i organize them every month bc i am ridiculous and i can’t function if my bookshelf is weirdly organized 

64: what color is the sky where you are right now? pale grey almost white.

65: is there anyone you haven’t seen in a long time who you’d love to hang out with? my oldest group of friends (TNT lmaoooo) OR YOU KNOW callixtus from volunteering holyyy. you know those people who u meet and u immediately click with?? he’s on of them magical people and he was hella funny too i miss that guy to all hell 

66: what would your ideal flower crown look like? small roses! peach blossoms and cherry blossoms too. one huge ass hibiscus or lotus flower as a statement piece 

67: how do gloomy days where the sky is dark and the world is misty make you feel? cozy and sheltered. valid excuse for not going out 

68: what’s winter like where you live? terrible but i love it kinda 

69: what are your favorite board games? monopoly 

70: have you ever used a ouija board? NO WHAT 

71: what’s your favorite kind of tea? barley, green or reallllyyyy black tea with loootss of sugar so that it makes your teeth ache 

72: are you a person who needs to note everything down or else you’ll forget it? yeah how’d you know 

73: what are some of your worst habits? expecting everyone to be on the same page 

74: describe a good friend of yours without using their name or gendered pronouns. dedicated and brash, loud and hilarious, soft, amazing, i love them a lot 

75: tell us about your pets! i dont have pets!! T-T  

76: is there anything you should be doing right now but aren’t? studying BUT DONT CALL ME OUT LIKE THIS OK

77: pink or yellow lemonade? pink 

78: are you in the minion hateclub or fanclub? hateclub sorry 

79: what’s one of the cutest things someone has ever done for you? done my makeup for me while gossiping with me

80: what color are your bedroom walls? did you choose that color? if so, why? pale green and yeah i did. i chose it bc i love green! and the old color was boring and i didn’t like it  

81: describe one of your friend’s eyes using the most abstract imagery you can think of. no edges at all, soft bovine eyes , shaking leaves, crocodile tears 

82: are/were you good in school? yes! it’s a source of a lot of pride for me! 

83: what’s some of your favorite album art? amsterdam by nothing but thieves omg 

84: are you planning on getting tattoos? which ones? oohh nahh im not planning on getting tattoos im scared of needles 

85: do you read comics? what are your faves? through the woods? i used to read a lot of them but you know i grew out of them 

86: do you like concept albums? which ones? not especially no 

87: what are some movies you think everyone should watch at least once in their lives? the drop, double indemnity, back to the future, idk there’s a lot 

88: are there any artistic movements you particularly enjoy? the rennaissance! it was so extra and i loved it a lot 

89: are you close to your parents? yeah

90: talk about your one of you favorite cities. TORONTO-soaring skyline from the highways at night near the lakeshore, the lights from the condos are like stars and its ridiculous but i also loooooveee dubrovnik in croatia and hanoi in vietnam and kaunas in lithuania and kyoto in japan.....in dubrovnik the wind blows in from the shore and at night when the lights are on in the walled city the stone glows amber. In Hanoi in the old quarter, motorbikes flash by and there’s yelling and the smell of pork skewers and there’s old buildings and new ones, huge stalks of bamboo leaning up against the walls. In Kaunas the wind is so cold and sharp and the buildings are so clean and there’s that old fortress and the tower! it’s so beautiful. and Kyoto is old and archaic but so modern it hurts and the streets are too uniform and the houses creep me out a bit bc they’re so quiet. 

91: where do you plan on traveling this year? i dont think so 

92: are you a person who drowns their pasta in cheese or a person who barely sprinkles a pinch? i will bury my pasta in cheese just you watch 

93: what’s the hairstyle you wear the most? my hair is one style fits all bc its short 

94: who was the last person you know to have a birthday? my friend!

95: what are your plans for this weekend? study and work on projects and homework and stress and nap and have dinner with a guest 

96: do you install your computer updates really quickly or do you procrastinate on them a lot? no updates. we die like men. 

97: myer briggs type, zodiac sign, and hogwarts house? isfj-t, aries, ravenclaw 

98: when’s the last time you went hiking? did you enjoy it? sometime in september? it was nice! 

99: list some songs that resonate to your soul whenever you hear them. put your head on my shoulder by paul anka....there’s a lot and im really lazy sorry 

100: if you were presented with two buttons, one that allows you to go 5 years into the past, the other 5 years into the future, which one would you press? why? 5 years in the future, just to see where I end up 

[defwang]

This conversation/skeleton outline of a fic between me and @fightmejaebum is inspired by Jackson getting Jaebum to say “Netflix and chill” even though I am 100% sure he knows that Jaebum doesn’t even know what it means. And this just really spiralled out of control bc I am me 😬

(this is so messy idk if you guys can even read it but it’s there :\)

jaebum asking jackson over to netflix and chill because he thinks it's totally innocent and he just really wants to catch up on whatever tv show

BUT JACKSON IS PANICKING!!! BC HOLY SHIT JAEBUM WANTS TO DO THE DO WITH HIM!!!!

JACKSON WOULD BE SO NERVOUS!! AND JAEBUM WOULD JUST BE LIKE 😊 U WANNA WATCH A MOVIE OR TV

and jackson is calculating. because he doesn’t wanna watch a tv show he’s actually interested in or else he’s gonna get spoilers while sucking jaebum’s face

and he’s taking a considerable amount of time thinking and jaebum just thinks that jackson must have a lot of things he must want to watch

Oh my god 🙈 so jaebum is like!! It's ok if you have a few you wanna watch we can do this another time too!!

And Jackson is like 😵🙌🏼👌🏼 he wants to Netflix and chill with me on a regular basis

Maybe Jackson gets real fidgety, gets real close up to Jaebum and Jaebum doesn’t think much of it bc Jackson is always touch hungry

Oooooh and does Jackson like grab jaebum's hand in an action scene or smth and Jaebum is like.. ok guess he was just a bit scared he'll let go soon... right?... riiight?!!

JAEBUM REACHES FOR A SNACK OR SMTH AND JACKSON IS AN ANXIOUS MESS AND IS LIKE!! THIS IS IT!! HES LEANING IN TO KISS ME!! AND CLOSES HIS EYES AND IS LIKE 😚 AND JAEBUM IS JUST LIKE UHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH WYD

Paula: AWWWWW NOOOO BABYYYY!!! AND THEN WHAT???? Nicola: IDK!!! THIS IS UR IDEA FIRST OF ALL DOES JAEBUM ACTUALLY KNOW HE LIKE LIKES JACKSON PRE ASKING HIM TO NETFLIX AND CHILL Paula: I MEAN. HE THINKS JACKSON IS ALRIGHT????? COMFY TO BE AROUND????? Nicola: DOES HE SORTA REALISE WHEN JACKSON IS STAMMERING AND TRYNA RUN FOR THE DOOR. Aw comfy to be around that's a cute thing Paula: yeah like that’s why he wanted to watch movies with jackson in the first place. thinks jackson’s squealing and over zealous reactions are really cute. HOW DO THEY ADDRESS THE FACT THAT JAEBUM DOESN’T KNOW WHAT NETFLIX AND CHILL INSINUATES THO. Omg he probably heard it from mark tbh during another conversation Nicola: Omg this is how jaebum discovers jinyoung and Mark lowkey banging cus he overhears Mark ask jinyoung to Netflix and chill. And at the time he didn't know Paula: OMG!!!!!!!! I LOVE DRAMA

But Jackson is scrambling and is like?? U said u wanted to Netflix and chill!! And jaebum is like? That's what we're doing right?? and Jackson is like 😓

And Jackson has to explain to jaebum what Netflix and chill means and jaebum's life flashes before his eyes for 2 different reasons

Cus he overheard his friend asking for a booty call from his other friend AND WORSE HE THEN ACCIDENTALLY ASKED JACKSON IF HE WANTED TO HOOK UP  

awww poor bb jackson is probably feeling real embarrassed now :C

and he’s a little disappointed but he’s trying not to let it be seen on his face like “Look I get it, this was a mistake and I’m sorry I misread everything. I … I’m gonna go now. Get some air and stuff”

AND JAEBUM JUST IS SORT OF SHELL SHOCKED and watching Jackson grab his phone and keys before leaving out the door

OH NOOOOO

JACKSON WOULD BE SO EMBARRASSED AND SAD BECAUSE HE THOUGHT IT WAS RLLY HAPPENING AND HE GOT HIS HOPES UP AND WAS SO NERVOUS BUT EXCITED

BUT JAEBUM IS JUST LIKE????? I DONT KNOW WHAT I JUST DID I DONT KNOW WHAT IM SUPPOSED TO DO NOW OH GOD OH GOD AND JACKSON WANTS TO MAKE OUT WITH ME???

jaebum is freaking the fuck out and he needs to call jinyoung because jinyoung is his go-to man and he’s calling up because JACKSON JUST TRIED TO KISS ME???

and Jinyoung is unusually calm and replies with “So did you kiss him back???”

and why isn’t jinyoung in the least bit surprised???

and they have a long winded talk about how jackson started liking jaebum ever since jinyoung introduced them but jaebum was just really cool and emotionless-looking

But!! Jinyoung!! Being like!!! So is he a good kisser

Nicola: I'm so emotional this is so precious and Jaebum is rlly lost and confused and Jackson has liked him for so long and I'm 😭

Jaebum takes like 2 days, at least, thinking because yeah okay, Jackson is a pretty cool dude.  and he likes it when jackson cuddles up on his arm when they’re walking, and he likes how jackson is there for every one of his music class showcases

and yeah he guesses he could grow to like jackson as more than just a friend

AND FOR THE ENTIRE TWO DAYS JACKSON REFUSES TO LEAVE MARK’S AND HIS SHARED APARTMENT BECAUSE HE’S SO EMBARRASSED AND ALL HE WANTS TO DO IS HIDE UNDER HIS COVERS

Noooo Jackson 😥😥😥 of course he's so embarrassed!! The poor thing I would just want to flee the country and delete every trace of my existence he embarrassed himself of his crush AND GOOD FRIEND and everything is ruined

Omg please when jaebum gets his shit together can he please be really open with Jackson and explain to him everything and ends up saying really awkwardly and nervously (CUS JAEBUM NEEDS NERVOUS TIME TOO HE PUT JACKSON THROUGH A LOT) "so I guess it's a long shot but... u wanna do something Saturday night? We could watch Netflix 😅 and maybe even do some of that chilling too if you're still interested.."

Jinyoung has to kick Jaebum in the ass (it’s an encouraging and supportive kick) so Jaebum can hurry up and call and or text and to meet up with Jackson to clear things up because Jackson is almost literally DYING from humility

and Jinyoung wants the apartment bc it’s been a while since Mark and him have had their own netflix and chill

Markjin need their Netflix and chill time jinyoung has NEEDS

And Jackson has been laying in bed crying out randomly in despair and it really doesn't help set the mood

When they finally do experience the true meaning behind netflix and chill Jaebum confirms with Jinyoung that Yes, Jackson is a good kisser

Nicola: Does jaebum start using the term 24/7 like a kid who learns a new word. And Jackson thinks it's cute but jinyoung wants to die cus surprisingly he doesn't like to know so much information about their sex life

omg Jaebum will just ask Jackson over their table at lunch like “I haven’t got any assignments due this week, do you wanna head over to my place for a netflix and chill?”

and Jackson doesn’t really mind that the rest of the table knows that they’re gonna be banging this weekend and offers “Oh sure. Should I bring over “””supplies”””” which is Jackson’s attempt at being subtle

Nicola: !!!!!! SUPPLIES ORGANISED SAFE SEX ADVOCATE JACKSON

Jinyoung is thoroughly disgusted, and mildly disappointed because he was really enjoying his lunch today until he imagined jackbum doing the nasty

Oh no jinyoung made himself a fancy meal and is happily eating away and Jackson starts clumsily "hinting" that he picked up some different...  uh... snacks... to try out and jaebum is looking disgustingly dazed and Jackson is raising an eyebrow and he's done there goes his appetite and he should probably go to he bathroom cus he might just puke

[isadvras]

hello everyone, it is i, your not so friendly neighbor ashlynn here to bring you yet another spawn from the fruits of the more creative sliver of my mind. i haven’t had to write an intro in forever and i forgot how awkward they were to write even though in april i’ll have been in this rp for a year. like...seriously. they’re juST SO HARD TO WRITE.

OKAY-- ON TO MORE PRESSING MATTERS !! this is my little lionheart, and her name is isadora. isadora is a greengrass. much like my other child, zahrah. fun fact: they’re half siblings, though i’m sure you probably guessed that by now. isadora and zahrah have the same mother, but different fathers due to margaret greengrass having an affair with an unnamed pureblood one night when feeling particularly spiteful against her husband, who’s totally cheating on margaret at the same time that she’s cheating on him tbh they really don’t like each other and are only married for power and money. this family is so complex man. now i gotta explain it:

okay, so william and margaret greengrass have 4 children together. annette, who is 19 and a hufflepuff. she’s exactly 9 months older than zahrah, who is 18 and a slytherin (( and also another one of my muses in this rp lol )), will, who is 11 and a ravenclaw, and then little wren, who is 7 and not old enough for hogwarts yet but when she is old enough she’s gonna be a slytherin bc shes a sneaky lil thing man. separately, william has 2 other children and margaret has one, all three being born from affairs. william’s children are named penelope and charles, and they’re twins. they’re 15 and in slytherin alongside zahrah. their mothers name is lisbette fairchild and she’s a pureblood, and also william’s mistress. she’s not in the picture anymore, after having dumped the twins onto the doorstep of greengrass manor not even 8 months after margaret gave birth to isadora, who is now 16 and in gryffindor house. margaret never disclosed who isadora’s father was, though it is known that he was pureblood, because margaret would never stoop to sleeping with someone of lesser status than herself. so, in order of age, it goes like this:

annette, zahrah, isadora, charles, penelope, will, and wren.

tbh will and wren were only born to ease the idea of scandals from everyones mind, even though it was quite obvious that the twins were definitely not margarets children, considering no one can recall her ever being pregnant after isadora’s birth until will was born five years later. sketchy stuff, my dudes. sketchy stuff.

but now i get to introduce to you my darling, isadora lily greengrass. she’s genuinely such a kind girl. pretty sassy, but overall just kind.

okay, so first things first. homegirl is sixteen, and she's in gryfindor, and she's a pureblood. she's in her sixth year, and is actually really good in school. the sorting hat had a difficult time choosing between gryffindor and ravenclaw for this peach, but ultimately chose gryffindor because it could sense the utmost courage and bravery that flowed within izzy's bloodstream.

izzy is 50% ashkenazi jew thanks to margaret, and from her fathers side, she is 12.5% african american, 12.5% boholano filipino, and 25% mix of english, german, scots-irish/northern irish, scottish.

isadora is not at all soft spoken, unless she really wants to be. she's loud, and happy, and incredibly sassy. she's always got some sort of witty comeback, but she also has one hell of a temper that she keeps on a short leash. a playful argument with her could quickly turn into something more, and when it does, watch out. she has a nasty habit of accidentally making things explode when her temper flares, kinda like how a small child would accidentally do when first learning about magic. she can also be really calm when she wants to be? like, yeah she's excitable and such, but she's also super mellow and just likes to linger in the background a bit. not chameleon style like andy, but more along the lines of a "hey im here but not really in the mood to make a big spectacle of myself today" kinda thing.

she's very aware that william greengrass is not her father, and that penelope and charles aren't related to her in any way at all. this is not one of her favorite subjects to talk about. she doesn't usually discuss it, though, seeing as technically no one is supposed to know that william isn't her father, even though it's painfully obvious that he's not.

isadora is an artist. she's always got paint splotches on her arms and legs, paint caked under her nails, pencils tucked behind her ears, and she's always carrying around supplies in her knapsack for when she gets bored. underneath her bunk in her dormitory are piles upon piles of full sketchpads and empty ones. she's also got a bunch of spiral notebooks that she buys off of muggleborn students every start of term that are filled with useless doodles that she'll sketch out when she's bored during class. her being an artist is a big part of her character because it brings forth her ability to spot details that others sometimes can't spot, if that makes any sense at all. she had even considered trying out as gryffindor seeker at one point bc of her ability to see things others can't see upon first glance and thought it would help with looking for the snitch but ultimately decided against it because she'd rather watch quidditch than play.

isadora has never once gone home for christmas holiday because she doesn't like putting herself in the uncomfortable position of having to deal with william treating her like dirt because she isn't actually his daughter.

she has a two year old persian cat named sir fluffington, and yes, she calls him sir fluffington all the time and expects others to do the same.

she hates going by isadora and usually doesn't even introduce herself as isadora. strictly izzy or iz will do. the only people that call her isadora would be her mother, william, the house elves back at greengrass manor, and occasionally zahrah but z only does it bc she knows izzy doesn't like it lmao

she's never been a big fan of fancy parties and usually hid up in her room whenever william and margaret decided to host a gala. she was probably painting and listening to the weird sisters tbh

iz really doesn't care about blood status. her opinion is that blood is blood just as magic is magic, no matter if you grew up in a muggle family or the oldest of pureblood families.

she has a huge interest in care of magical creatures, and reads tons of books on magical creatures and such. it's a passion of hers, honestly.

she's the only one in her family so far to continue to take muggle studies during her sixth year of schooling

THAT'S ALL I CAN REALLY THINK OF RIGHT NOW. HONEST MEME IF YOU WANNA PLOT OR ANYTHING DON'T HESITATE TO LET ME KNOW BC I LOVE PLOTTING IM A PLOT HOE AND HONEST MEME PART 2 I DONT KNOW WHY IM TYPING IN ALL CAPS WHOOPS

[morningpages-louise]

August 07, 2019

Yo I got gulat. Hahaha. Cause Im sleeping in taft rn, because I slept here on Thursday and she left for anti polo but I left my stuff in her place so she told me to just lock up after myself, but I honestly fucking miss living in taft amp so I thought to myself why not just sleep here, I don’t know. So I’ve been a taft girl for two nights. People always ask me if I regret moving to pobla. No I don’t regret it. I just wish I didn’t go so soon. Because I love pobla, and I’m hella grateful to live in close proximity with everything like Rockwell and greenbelt and all the cute cafes and all that. Its just that, ill go where my friends are. And while I do have friends in pobla, aka kris and Kath and kids lol, I have more friends here. Yo archers walls are gonna give me a fucking heart attack. Cause I’m technically not even supposed to be here, but like I wanna chill ill probably spend the whole day here. I literally had 2 hours of sleep. Lets not talk about my late night decisions please. I’ve been quite irresponsible these past few days. But yeah.its 6:43 am. Last night or a few hours earlier, I was quite annoyed. By the new people added in our group. Im such a fucking bitch but I just miss when wed go to poblano and it would literally just be me, Alliyah and Sheena. Like why is there new people in the game like Sarah, Joel, and rj. I don’t know I was just annoyed. Like they’re great company, but I just felt like they were driving people away from talking to us. Lol I’m so fucking stuck up, I admit. This is the worst thing about me, the nastiest attribute, that I have so much pride in myself. I must admit. But atlas I’m aware. Does that make it better bah? Like when Derrick told me that he had been messaging Abigail, but she had been ignoring him, and now she was here, I was like thinking to myself like oh shit, should I not be seen with Derrick? Is he a loser? I don’t know tho I just went with it because I love meeting new people. And I guess I should be a little more open, because as much as Id like to believe I’m open minded, I’m honestly not that open minded. I mean if I think like this, then I’m not as open minded as I really think I am you know. I guess I should just stop caring about what people think about me. Like it all goes down to that. I still care way too much about how other people think of me, which is fucking ridiculous considering I’ll never see these people again, you know. I don’t know. Stupid. Stupid things to waste energy on. Stupid stupid stupid. Here’s to welcoming people of all weirdness and stuff. I felt like such a bitch yesterday talaga/ Like by the time we went to taft, I was just like, I’m outta here. Bye friends. Like cause I was in a pretty bad mood. I guess its me telling others like okay, Im kind of done with y’all. Like today, I think I will spend alone. So I can get work done. Okay, I’m getting pretty sleepy again. Ill probably wake up at 8, take a bath or something and then go back to sleep or something. You know an idea just struck me. Because I’ve been job hunting these past few days and I just realized like Ola hostel, which is just in Pablo ocammpo, that should be where sila sheena and Alliyah apply. I feel like they’d have so much fun cause foreigners and all. Thats also one thing that annoyed me. Like I fucking love sheena, but at times I just dont have the energy to deal with her. Someone else who I don’t have the energy to deal with is rico, like whenever he slides into my dms I just get put off man. That boy needs to puyo ha lol. Yeah sheena annoys me when she’s just constantly talking about how thirsty she is, or boys. I guess I’m just not that boy crazy. Like ofcourse I still get attracted to them and everything, but honestly like rn, its the last thing on my mind. Like my mind is pretty much thesis and careers entered at the moment. I don’t know why it pisses me off, I think maybe I just might be jealous of her, because she’s getting action. She’s being liked by guys. Jealousy, pride. These are my sins. My ugliest traits, Jealousy, lust, stealing. It’s no secret I’ve been getting money from my roomates and friends. Its fucking nasty. im thinking of what to eat for breakfast lol. Its crazy. I dont have much memories in erickas condo, because well its ricks condo, but I’m going to miss it man. She’s leaving next week na ata. See, my friends are all leaving taft one by one. First its Ericka. Then max. Then well idk who else. But yeah, were all just going. I’m getting so sleepy and im just rambling at this point, but I hope I get a job soon. And I hope these nasty habits of mine are confronted. I must find a way not to avoid these feelings, but to confront it. Thanks for coming to my ted talk lol bye.

[noobsurveys]

who was the last person who unexpectedly texted you? driver teacher what was the last thing you carried to your room? water bottle when’s the next time you’ll be drinking? saturday Looking forward to something this weekend? drinking w my buds Has anyone smoked in your car? i cant drive but i’ve been in smoke cars yes

which class are you doing the worst in? chemistry best thing that happened to you this summer? got closer to my friends. kinda overcame alcoholism. do you think if you want a guy’s attention engaging him then ignoring him works? uh nah i think you should actively engage with people ur interested in something you wish your parents would let you do: i can do mostly whatever i want do you like people that remind you of yourself? yeah my best friend is very much alike myself. but i think all kinds of people can be fun. Do you donate anything? no Is there anyone you are holding a grudge against? not that i can think of Is there anyone holding a grudge against you? probably!!

Did you get into and attend your first choice college? probably wont!! When was the first moment you discovered love? guess i discovered familial love pretty early. platonic friendly love a bit late but when i did i fell hard. i dont think i understand romantic love yet, but i’ll get there eventually. How long has it been since you’ve ridden a school bus? couple of months. though around 3 years since i used to ride them regularly. What do you think of frogs? i think they’re pretty neat but i do get a bit frightened when they suddenly appear out of nowhere with their little legs Whats the worst Christmas present you’ve ever gotten? probably uhh socks or nasty candy What would you do if someone told you that you were the most beautiful person in the world and they wanted to wake up to you every morning? i’d be a bit dumbfounded since that’s really unexpected! but happy, sure, thats very sentimental and nice. i’d feel pressured though, i wouldnt want to make a committment just based on someones sudden love (infatuation) confession.

Are you the person to open a box of cereal just to get the toy inside? we never had cereal toys in my country

Do you get scared easy? not really. i can get paranoid and anxious on rare occasions.

What was one of the stupidest things you cried over when you were little? time passing. it still makes me tear up tbh i dont think i’ll ever learn how to deal with how short life is and how people will walk out of your life never to be seen again. past moments will never be experienced again. nothing will be the same, for better or worse.

Have you ever drank milk from the carton? i take a swig every morning

Juice or milk? juice for booze

Do you ever turn off your computer properly? tbh i’ve been slacking on that lol

Do you wish you were a fish? no

Who’s your favorite super hero? not a big superhero person! i guess iron man or spiderman

Who’s your favorite super villian? t h a n o s

Spiderman or X-men? Spiderman

Movie theatre or stay at home movie night? home

Do you have a Blue Ray? no but i think my lil netflix box can play blurays

How about HD television? yes

Do you think HD television is kind of a waste of money? nahh not if you have people over often. kind of a bummer to watch movies on a computer.

Do you get why people get so fricken freaked out during football season? i understand the nationalistic exitement but i dont understand the absolute freakouts some people have over it

Do you ever sneak scraps to the dog even though you’re not suppose to? only when i spill stuff on the floor

Are you reading a book right now? If so what? not a big book person

What was the last book you were required to read for school? hunger by knut hamsun

O donuts or jelly filled? o i guess but donuts are kinda gross

Do you like your icecream in a bowl or cone? bowl

Marshmellows in your hot chocolate or no? no

Do you like cherry coke? No.

Do you really think diet Dr. Pepper is the equivalent of a cupcake? never tasted it, i imagine its gross

Do you snore in your sleep? Drool? Talk? i think i snore a bit, to my great shame. i fucking hate snoring.

Have you ever sleep walked? not that i know of

Are you a morning person? depends on how well rested i am

How do you wake up in the mornings? alarm clock, parents wake me, or by myself (rare)

Do you think guyliner is hot? it can be

Is variety the spice of life? absolutely, but “same old” has a special place in my heart

Do you think strawberry milk is disgusting? yep

Have you ever drank after anyone? sharing drinks? yeah all the time

Have you ever drank after anyone you don’t know very well? yeah i tend to ask strangers for a sip and offer them some of mine oops

Do you have any limits on who you drink/eat after? not after like... drooly children or elderly people. or people i think are gross in general.

Would you eat a sucker if someone already ate some of it? uh really depends on who it was

Would you chew somebody elses gum? i’d have to know them very well! but i dont see the point

Do you enjoy school? i like the social aspect of it... and it’s fun when i do well but uhh im getting a bit tired.

Are you a teacher’s pet? sometimes, unintentionally. teachers love me for some reason.

Have you ever pulled an all-nighter? all the time babey

What’s more important? Beauty or brains? well you gotta have some beauty for me to wanna get to know your brain. but ultimately personality is more important. i dont think “brains” as in supreme intellectual is really any important.

Do you believe in yourself? ah well in certain areas. been losing some motivation about my future professional life n shit.

Did you ever want to be an astronaut when you were little? oh yes, still kinda do

How about the president? no, ew

What did you want to be when you were little? rich and funny

Did you ever want to be a super model? no that seems really stressful

Do you believe your attractive enough to be a super model? haha no maybe if i went skellymode. you dont really need a gorgeous face to model, just the right body type and aesthetic. but im too clumsy and awkward when i walk to be on the catwalk.

Have you ever had an X-ray? yeah when i was in a car crash. totally unnecessary i just did it to skip school.

What’s your favorite guy’s name? What’s your favorite girl’s name? really havent thought about it. i like classic names from my country though.

Do you laugh to yourself whenever the ketchup bottle farts? nah fam

Do you have any real guns in your house? only softguns and airsnipers

What do you want to be next Holloween? 80s coke dealer

Are you a pyro? i enjoy flames and i’ve had a little history of setting fire to shit but im not a pyro

What was the last word/thing you wrote down? this shit. physically, chemistry notes.

Sleeping or eating? white bitch never eat, never sleep. nah but sleep is more important for my functioning i guess.

Are you overall a positive person? yeah i tend to always look on the bright side of things, to other peoples annoyance. i’ve been described as naive and unrealistic but hey, it’s all gonna be fine man dont worry.

Do you hate hypocrites? i do find it annoying.

Do you like to prank people? not mean pranks but a little goof is always welcome

Is vacuum spelled funny? haha cum

Democrat or republican? fuck american politics. im near-centre purple on the compass.

Who’s the biggest asshole you know? my dog Pen or pencil? pen

Should all paper have holes? doesnt matter, can just punch one in

Have you ever been in a fist fight? yeah

Ever said something to someone that you didn’t mean to say? of course

Do you forgive too easilly? yeah i guess. it takes a lot to make me really dislike a person to the point of not forgiving their shortcomings/mistakes.

What are you listening to right now? zero

Are you tan? not really

Ever had a sunburn? yeah i always get them on my cheeks, it sucks

What was the first word you learned how to say? mama or papa

What was the last thing that upset you? chemistry exam What is something you are behind on? chemistry exam

Do you feel de-valued? meh maybe sometimes but im probably not Are you wearing winter clothes or summer clothes today? jeans and a cozy lil sweater! more wintery What is your favorite winter drink at Starbucks? only time i went to starbucks i got a plain iced coffee. so that.

Do you buy or make your Christmas cards? both Do you regret things often, or do you make the right decisions for you? i regret many things after some afterthought. in the moment i think i make good desicions but it often comes back to bite me in the ass when i realized i was wrong. At what time does it get dark in the winter where you live? like 3-4 lol Is there anyone that you miss and wish you could re-connect with? we’re still connected but i miss the very close friendship i had with my elementary school bestie Are you scared of disappointing people? yeah some people. but not most people, they can be disappointed as much as they want. Has the fear of disappointing others ever made a decision for you? sure What color are the last pair of gloves you bought? black and white, present for mom

What was the last thing you wore that was leopard print? cant remember. probably an accessory Do you decorate for Christmas? yeah i like to spruce my room up What color is your tree? pine tree color Would you rather be an elf or a unicorn? elf, who the fuck wanna be a horse Do you wonder why unicorns are suddenly a craze? hello, “2009″

Do you own Christmas pajamas? i wish for new ones every year and every year i end up ripping them What time of year do you start listening to Christmas music? after december exams Do you make your own ornaments? nahh Does it snow where you live? yeah alot What is something you do daily? chat with my friends, moisturize, doodle Do you like it when it snows in December? yeah it’s a necessity for the christmas mood Are you hoping for a white Christmas? yes and im gonna get one How old were you when you found out Santa wasn’t real? like 6? Are you good or bad at saying no to people and canceling plans when needed? i really dont like to cancel and say no because it fucking sucks when people do that to me, but i know how to put my foot down. What color are your snow boots? my snow nike running shoes? white

Are you an addict? used to be an alcoholic, now im just mildly addicted to nicotine

[lendmeanear]

June 18th, 2018

Where am I even supposed to begin with this? I haven’t kept a journal or record of my thoughts in a very long time, so why now? I think it is honestly because almost everything in my life is either draining who I am or causing me to hate who I have become. I’ve spent my entire life trying to “find myself” then recreate it and make everything positive and correct. And recently I’ve had a lot of prominent people in my life who have been making me question my own self and ego. I can honestly say to this day that I have hit one of my lowest mental lows ever. This has surpassed all the failed suicide attempts in high school because I know dying would have far worse consequences on other people than my own self being gone. But I really have to sit here and question, what is it that is making me so low?? Could it be my lack of a family connection being stronger now that my family has split since my brothers passing? Could it be that a majority of people I once considered framily are completely non existent in my world anymore?? Or maybe its the fact that I’ve been in an increasingly stressful and almost one sided relationship with a man for a year who I’m afraid never understands me and who I am and who is also incapable of showing love. No literally those are his exact words. It hurts to even type that because I know it’d be met with a “I mean it i dont need actions to show it” and that would cause a fight out of nowhere. I’ve spelled it out to him that many times I wish he would show a bit more effort and just be nicer to me. Again his words are “I cant do that I never think like that Im not capable of showing it” Am I just hurting myself even further with being with him?? Am I just trying to force what I want out of my ideal man out of him? If anything I’m breaking my back just to save his. I don’t want him to get older and be some low life idiot living in nasty trailers in Clio or Flint like all of his friends. He’s so much better than all of that and I wish he would just want that for himself. I dont know it just seems like there is something blocking him from just loving himself. It drives me nuts though. Because I have been in his exact shoes and I moved on and was able to persevere and hes just so complacent and flazeda about life, money, respect. He’s just so negative its so fucking exhausting. Even thinking about it to type drives me nuts. I wish he would realize it’s easier to try and be more positive and work through emotions and life hurdles because it makes you a tougher person in the end. I wouldn’t be who I am today if I never changed my perceptions on life and other’s lives. I just wish I could inspire him to want to be more like he does for me. I want to be more for him so I can have a place of my own some day and have little kids roaming around and just have a family and a life. That’s the whole point of dating someone isn’t it? So you can find your life partner over all the other people? I would like to think he is that for me but I don’t think he would think the same. Every time we fight and every nasty word we say to each other recently has been cutting me more deeply recently because I’ve been super sensitive lately. I’m always sensitive but I can always sense when something is off in the air with people’s moods. It’s made me question everything I thought I knew about him. I had hopes and faith that he actually cared about himself and his future as well as mine. But I’ve just been seeing his true colors recently I guess. His lack of care for if I work, his lack of even thinking about my emotions or me in general, his lack of respect for his own parents or anyone for that matter. He always tries to belittle me and make me feel dumb and I don’t know why. Then suddenly if I do it back because I’m hurt then I’m the crazy mad one who started it. WHEN IN REALITY IM JUST REACTING TO YOUR MOOD AND TONE. I hardly see him happy around me anymore. He doesn’t smile at me like he used to. Hell he doesn’t even touch me anymore unless its the dead of night and I’m half asleep. Something just feels off and I can’t pinpoint it. I’ve been so insecure with him lately and I know it’s caused me to be paranoid and a little over bearing and I wish I could control that better but it’s hard. I have to tell myself that I’m not just damaged goods from my exes but the way he looks at me and treats me anymore makes me feel exactly like a nasty beat up mystery can of spam goods and it sucks. The most embarassing part to me is that this isn’t the first time I’ve had someone let me feel like this. I put myself beneath every man I date near the end of things only to hurt myself and I couldn’t tell you why. I think it’s because I hate myself deep down. I’ve always had a voice in me tell me that I’m no good, I’m trash, I’m untalented, I’m stupid, I’m weak, etc. And when he says things to me like “You never know what youre talking about” “You’re so dumb” “You’re fucking weird with everything you do.” it only further validates that voice in me. Which it sucks again because I always thought of everything I do is close to normal with a few exceptions but regardless I’ve never had anyone be so mean to me like he is. He has to comment on every flaw about me and criticize me and argue about everything. His tone is always like he talks down to me and hes not mindful of anything he does. It’s so hypocritical of him to demand respect and attention from me when he couldn’t do half of it for me. I think it’s just because he doesn’t know how to end things with me and he wants me to do it. I think he’s miserable with me and would be happier with some other guy who would just pc game with him and not bother him as much as I do. I’m just a fucking embarassment and liability to him. I wish that I could give him that freedom but I’ve never been good at ending things because I always believe issues can be talked and worked out if you really want it to work. And I think he just doesn’t want it to work and that hurts me so much man. Only because I want it to work so bad. I’m so sick of dating its just nice to be with him because he makes me laugh, he can be really nice when hes in a good mood and actually talking to me, hes so handsome it kills me, we have some similar interests and he does fun things sometimes. There is a lot of good to him despite all the bad I just wrote out but recently the scales are tipping towards bad stuff. But again I think it’s because he hates me and doesn’t know how to end things. I just wish he could understand that I’m not asking him to change who he is at all I just want him to show his love more and try to care more about me. I’ve been in his life for a whole fucking year I feel like I deserve that. The sad thing is, is I don’t even think he remembers when we started dating and thats so fucked up to me. After typing all this out it’s making me see that maybe this entire time I havent been trying as much as I should have, or maybe Im bat shit crazy for trying to make someone love me when they dont want to have love for me there. I cant just force love out of people and I need to teach myself that better I think. I don’t know it’s just the moral of this story I guess is I’m fucking sad with my life right now and I wish my boyfriend wasn’t so hard on me and was more loving and understood that I’m so weird and overbearing because im trying to show my love and be helpful and everything that a boyfriend should be. I truly do love him and it just sucks always having to question myself and him about it. 

[morningpages-louise]

August 07, 2019

Hey :) Man my mind is clouded today. Not focused. I just meditated kasi and it was so hard to silence my thoughts. I also had a hard time meditating yesterday. My mind just kept running from point to point and no matter how I tried, I couldn’t keep control of it. Its insane how praning my mind is lol like y’all need to take a damn chill pill. Y’all I’m addicted to touching my nose, like I legit cant stop touching it, its sobrang wtf lol. Its a Wednesday today. On wednesday, I am a student. I will go to school maybe around 1 PM. I don’t need to be there till 2:30 and even then, its just a quick meeting and then I’m free once again. Its nice when I have my mornings laid out like this. So much time for myself, to do my rituals and get it over with. A thought occurred to me as I was meditating, these rituals, I’m not even doing it for its original purpose. To clear my mind. To fill myself with wisdom. To be more mindful. at this point, I’m just doing it to check it off my list and get it over with. And I think that’s partly true. Like I Dont even care about the quality of my meditation anymore. Or my yoga session. Or anything. And I think I need to realign myself with why I placed these goals for myself in the first place. And how when I do these tasks, I should be wholly focused on them along. I don’t know. After a while, you forget your resolutions and you just start being complacent, and I think I’m at that point. But it marks one day of august this month, and I guess its time to hit the reset button a bit. We got through the first week with no major breakdowns. The second week of august will be more fulfilling. It will be funner. It will be more relaxing amputa hahaha no more putting my self sanity on the line. One of my goals for these next days leading up to the 15th is not to touch the 2k in my bank account. Lets see if I can actually accomplish this. It is the 7th right now so I’m halfway done. Will i survive on 1,500? Perhaps I can. possible naman. Ive been super thrifty, bringing my own baon and what not. But yeah. Happiness. After this I shall cook brekky/lunch since it is already 11. Actually before that, ill read my daily stoic reading. And I think I can pop in a 101 essays that will change your life reading, then hopefully ill have time to do yoga. It’s a 30 minute session which is quite long but I think its kaya. Can I just say sometimes yoga with Adrienne’s yoga videos really piss me off. Because she goes at such a slow pace, and sometimes she tends to be so chatty. Like I love the messages she’s giving out, to move within comfort, self love and all that jazz but when I’m holding a chair and my thighs are fucking burning, I kind of just want you to shut the fuck up. Lol. My body feels so damn rusty pa rin. Which is understandable because I haven’t done yoga in so long. How am I feeling now? Well yesterday was a bit weird. I was in a really bad mood yesterday, and I literally felt like snapping at everyone. Like I was a nasty person last night, and I guess I projected a bit of that on my roommate lol when I asked her to stop placing her food on the damn dining table, because dude it looks messy. Like we have shelves for a fucking reason. What’s the point of the shelves if you’re just going to put everything in the dining table? Maybe I’m super duper anal but I just like having it empty just in case we intend to work there or cook there, there’s less clutter. she’s such a scam I swear, when she was going to be my roommate she was like “im so happy were both oc” lol bitch you aint. Like she cleans up after herself naman. She just isn’t at my level of oc and I guess I need to calm the fuck down because at times I agree I can be really fucking anal and have a short temper when it comes to it. For me decluttered home = decluttered mind which is why sometimes when I feel like my whole life is falling apart, I just clean man hahaha but yeah. I’m feeling blessed, I really am. That  I have all that I need. I have my new retainers. I have a functioning laptop. A good phone. a beautiful home. I have everything I need, and I really fail to realizeALL THAT I have sometimes and that sucks, that I cant just appreciate what I currently have. As human beings, we are endlessly pining over things we don’t really need. You know what, I’m just rambling at this point lol imma leave. Goodbye, today is going to be a good day.