#but also her killing terrible men is always going to eat and I hope she does it more in the next book! death to predators!

[fromtheseventhhell]

Sorry but Arya's assassination of the insurance man eats; the reluctance to carry out the plan until she knew he was a terrible person, the level of observation and her learning about his business + clients, being able to carry out a precise plan utilizing said knowledge, the display of her sleight of hand skills, her using what she's learned from the faceless men...starting to think people pearl-clutch over her so much because they know their fave could never

[hausbabylon]

treacherous

Natasha Romanoff x Reader

Word count: 6,994

A/N: Hey! I received an anonymous request, but I accidentally deleted the draft where I directly responded it. The request said pretty much what says in the synopsis. Thanks to whoever sent it, made me happy <3! I hope you like it.

A/N II: Also, it’s 3:27 AM and I wrote this half asleep whilst listening Red TV three times in a row.

Warnings: Unspecified legal age gap (Natasha is older), mention of guns, shooting, manipulation (from a father), intrafamiliar abuse, trust issues.

Natasha Romanoff struggled with trust issues due to past relationships. Her fear of being hurt overshadowed any chance to open herself up to the possibility of a relationship. That was, of course, until she met you.

Hydra was a group of evil masterminds with a mission to take over the world, employing advanced technology and weapons to achieve said objective.

It hurt you too much to even think about the fact that you were part of it all, for ever since you were incredibly young, you were the victim of experiments and ruthless training to basically turn you into another of their deadly weapons.

You were just a little one, desperate to get your adoptive father's approval, and deep down, you still were, despite the fact that you were a young adult now. However, no matter how hard you tried, he always seemed disappointed in you, and you were willing to do anything to make him proud.

That's what you thought, of course, until you couldn't take it anymore. So much spilled blood, uncountable innocent lives lost, all in the name of greed and evil. You switched sides, and betrayed the organization you once called home.

You didn't know how many hours you spent hiding in one of the lockers from the Hydra facility that was attacked by the Avengers, while you listened to the tragedy happen outside this cold little compartment. You were supposed to be the main counter-attacker, and you were expected to kill at least one of them in order for the others to back off for a few months.

However, it was too much. As you fought them, the dilemma you found yourself in was too much to bear; you wanted to make your adoptive father proud, but you also wanted them to win because you repudiated every aspect that made up the twisted organization which you were unfortunately a part of.

So, as you walked down the corridors to attack one of them, you simply stopped dead in your tracks and went to hide instead. Until you heard nothing, only a silence that was somehow deafening, while intrigue kept eating you out - had good won over evil again?

When you kicked the door of the locker so you could get out, the first sight you encountered was the Black Widow, who got startled when she saw you and immediately pointed a gun at you. Your first instinct was to raise your arms.

Your face was streaked with tears, for you had sobbed desperately, fearing what your father would do when he found out you had failed this mission, but you were also drowning in shame for your actions.

And you didn't need to say anything, Natasha knew everything as soon as she saw you in that disconsolate and defeated state. You didn't want to do any of this, you desperately wanted to be good.

The Avengers welcomed you with open arms, and as you stood beside them, fighting for what was right, you finally felt you were part of a family, where your efforts were seen and appreciated, something you never felt with Hydra.

"I know these brutal injuries are a little bit of a scratch for you, but..."

"But it worries you when I go on missions that involve more than big men fighting me," Natasha finished the sentence before you could, a huge grin plastered from ear to ear.

You just chuckled, as you carefully worked to heal those terrible wounds on her face, product of a more complex mission than usual.

"Come on! Who knows if that creature that hurt you might give you some disease from the outer-space microbes it had in its claws. It could get infected and you could start a new pandemic, you know?" You half-joked.ñ

Natasha let out a loud laugh, that could be perhaps be heard all over facility.

"Well, look on the bright side, maybe I'll get to be the one to name it," she chuckled, and she flinched subsequently, her wounds hurt due to her smiling-facial expression.

"Silly!" You playfully nudged her shoulder with your fist, as you kept smiling enormously. "Jokes aside, please promise me you'll keep those wounds clean. You'll apply this," you showed her a small container of antiseptic soap, "And after that, you must apply this as well," you showed her a spray of alcohol.

She never told you this at first, but she appreciated enormously that you cared for her in this way, and that, on top of that, you were always willing to look after her as if she wasn't used to risking her life in all sorts of places.

The older woman nodded and laughed a little. "Of course, I'll make sure to clean the wounds and apply those, it's not too bad really. Don't worry yourself, okay?" She smiled kindly and warmly at you.

"Perfect... I'll let you off, then," you replied, with a grin. "Go get some rest, and I'll see you again when..." you paused. "I'll see you again," you affirmed this time.

You didn't know when you would see her again.

You had a very simple mission, so simple that you didn't need to go out and take risks as you normally did. You just needed to find information, leak some documents, hack into certain bases, and you could do it all from the comfort of the Avengers Tower. You were almost done when Natasha returned from her mission with the rest of the Avengers, and you insisted in helping her with all those wounds she had in her face, which again, were not something new for any of you, but still... you hated to see her even in the slightest discomfort. And just like on the other times, she refused to receive your help, but eventually gave in.

Outside of coincidences like these and the missions you had together, you didn't convive with her. And you missed her more than you could admit.

It was a strange feeling. You both got along well... excellent, to tell the truth, and you liked each other's company. However, that was no different than your relationship with the other Avengers, even so, Natasha Romanoff was the only one whose presence you longed more than usual whenever you were apart.

"Sure, I'll see you again," she nodded, as she rose from the seat she was in, and patted your shoulder affectionately.

This was always the way goodbyes were, and you couldn't lie, it hurt a little bit to realize that you didn't have a relationship with her outside of work. That was to be expected, many years of knowing her teammates didn't compare to a couple of months of knowing you, but you had to start somewhere, right?

That day, Natasha did as you told her and rested in her room of the Tower, and you, on the other hand, returned to the solitude of your apartment, watched a few episodes of your favorite series and waited to be summoned again on another occasion.

Said occasion was about a week later, and amidst the catastrophe that ensued, the taste of victory for having done well never ceased to leave you with a feeling of accomplishment.

It was even better than the others, since it was a mission against the organization you had unwillingly dedicated your life to serving. And this time, you were on the right side.

Your eyes watered a little. And Natasha didn't say it at first either, but she was the first to notice it because she used to watch you more than she would like to admit.

"Oh, sweetheart, what's wrong?" She asked you, turning to you with a concerned expression on her face. "Don't tell me you regretted joining us, because I'm going to hit you," she joked, and there you realized that was a habit of hers, for the purpose of lightening the mood.

And she succeeded, because you laughed, "Quite the opposite. I'm so happy to find myself on this side and to be able to make up even a little bit for all the bad I did," you confessed.

She let out a little 'Awww' and proceeded to hug you.

It felt like... like home. And maybe your home wasn't the kindest to you, so it was more like you found a new place where you could feel warm and comfortable.

It felt like a shelter from the world's harshness, and that you were at last somewhere you belonged. The embrace was gentle and firm at the same time, somehow it was a combination that could go well altogether, and it was as if every little thing that had ever hurt you was washed away by the love in that hug.

She stayed that way for as long as you needed. And later, at the Avengers Tower, everyone asked you if you were all right, and when they made sure you were calmer, they left to their respective rooms, but not before giving you words of affirmation telling you how valuable you were and what a priceless job you had done on the mission.

And after that little moment of closeness you had with Natasha, two days passed when you saw her again.

You were not specifically summoned for a mission, rather, Tony Stark needed your help to develop a new artificial intelligence prototype that would assist Peter Parker. The only difference was that Tony wanted her to ask him about his feelings and get concerned for his well-being, almost like a therapist or a mother would.

There had been maybe four or five opportunities where you had the pleasure of demonstrating your mental abilities, which were numerous.

Of course at Hydra they weren't going to raise you to be physically astute, they needed to train you mentally as well, and sure as hell they did. Because, maybe it would take Tony Stark more than four or five tasks to trust someone, but you completed them so efficiently, that very little was enough for him to be impressed and take you into consideration for this field as well.

About seven hours had passed, where you were discussing and employing the famous "trial and error", when Natasha came to interrupt. Tony wasn't too happy about it, but you were delighted.

"It turned out like shit," she concluded. She had a little dirt on her suit and her face was scarred with small injuries, but these weren't man-made, they were more like falls. "The target had already left the base by the time we got there, and took everything. All we did was kill the guards for nothing, no objective."

Tony took a deep breath, leaning back in his seat. For him, if there was anything worse than interruptions, it was interruptions for bad news.

"That's the third time in a row they've had us looking like idiots playing Tag," he snorted. "We'll figure out what to do. We did what we could."

Natasha was not at all pleased with his answer, as she wanted an immediate solution, and for her, the worst thing that could happen was to fail in something as simple as attacking a Hydra base.

"That's it?" She exclaimed, and at Tony's lack of response, she let out a groan and with giant strides, she left the room.

You ran after her, caring very little if she yelled at you to leave her alone. You wanted to at least make an attempt to be there for her.

"Nat!" You called out to her. "Nat, come on!"

She stopped, and turned to look at you, "What do you want?"

Now thar you were close to her, you noticed how fresh the small wounds on her face looked, and you would soon set out to help her with that, but the support she needed the most was the emotional kind.

"There's this place near Willow Lake," you laughed at her mild surprise. "I know, it's a bit far from here, but we can grab a bite to eat, take a walk down to the lake afterwards... you don't have to talk if you don't want to, I just want to offer you this little method of escape that has helped me in my darkest days."

There was no power on earth that would make her turn down such an offer, not only because this would be the first time she would be spending time with you outside of missions and work, but because it really sounded like a plan that would help her tremendously in all that stress she was going through.

After Natasha took a shower and changed, she went to find you in the room where you were working with Tony, who gave you a grateful smile before you left.

The drive there was long, and neither of you said much more than small talk, but it was extremely comfortable at the same time, with Taylor Swift's music playing on the car's speakers.

With this alone, she seemed more relaxed as she remained in the passenger seat. It was clear that the unsuccessful mission was eating her mind, but by having a moment to think about it, she gradually lightened up. She was very grateful that you gave her space and didn't try to distract her.

As soon as you guys got out of the car, the first thing you could feel was how pure the air was in that area, and how uncrowded it was compared to the noisy city. With that alone, Natasha understood why you brought her there, it was a peaceful and perfect place to think.

"Do you like it?" You asked, and if the redhead hadn't been too invested taking in her surroundings, she would have noticed that you were in turn, completely dumbfounded watching her..

"I love it," she nodded, with a huge smile, and proceeded to close her eyes and take a deep breath to enjoy the air.

When you entered the small cafe, you ordered a panini and a soda, and encouraged Natasha to order whatever she wanted, it would be your treat. Neither of you had eaten and it was already four in the afternoon, so you couldn't wait for the food to arrive.

You didn't ask her anything about it, and you didn't bring the subject up, you just waited patiently for her to speak first. And she did so about five minutes after she ordered.

"I feel better already," she said. "Maybe Tony's approach wasn't the best, but he's right, we'll find a way, in the meantime, we did what we could."

You smiled.

"We'll find a way to come out of this victoriously. Believe me when I tell you that they no longer have any threats and all they have left is to run. We'll find a way to corner them," you encouraged her, almost sensing firsthand how frustrated she might have felt earlier.

She nodded in agreement, "We have to come up with a plan," she replied. "I've already given a lot of thought to it, and I think right now, what I want to do is enjoy this moment with you, because, you do realize this is our first outing together?"

You did realize, and you couldn't begin to express how much you looked forward to this moment. While the conversations during missions or at the Tower were enough for you to grow fond of each other, there was always work involved.

"You're right. I wouldn't have wanted to wait this long, but I understand you're busy, and, I wasn't sure if you were in the mood to go out during your rest time."

She chuckled at the comment, "Oh, no! I like going out. And look, maybe I am busy, but you might just be worth dropping everything for... you know, once in a while!"

You reacted with a small and subtle giggle, feeling even more charmed and flattered by her.

"I must say, it's an honor to potentially be worth dropping everything for, even once in a while," you responded lightheartedly.

The food arrived just in time, and you both exchanged a look of acknowledgement at how good it looked.

"Well, bon appétit," she smiled, and didn't wait five seconds to start devouring her lunch.

You both ate in silence, very focused on enjoying the food as it was already too late after the regular lunch hour. You were starving.

When you finished your meal, you talked about banal topics to get to know each other better, such as favorite books, movies and series, hobbies, the music you enjoyed the most and whether you preferred summer or winter. It was a nice chat, where you both found a lot of common ground and were introduced to new possibilities, because let's say you left that restaurant with at least twenty songs to listen to, ten books to read and five movies and series to check out.

It was until you left the restaurant and walked to the lake that the conversation deepened. She asked you about your past, and although you didn't spill those details so easily, you ended up telling her even more than your closest friends knew. Natasha was just that kind of person.

And when Natasha shared her story with you, that was the most painful, deepest and perhaps most precious aspect that you shared — that intrinsic feeling that impelled you to abandon all evil sown in your hearts.

You were so immersed in conversation, that it seemed like in five minutes the sky went dark when in reality it had been about three hours straight.

From then on, whenever your free times coincided, you made the most of it. You made it a regular part of your lives, would always make plans for upcoming meet-ups and, naturally, your relationship slowly started to grow and deepen over time as a result.

You started to appreciate the little details that shaped Natasha, from her stunning smile to her sweet laugh, from her thoughtful glances to her kind words. It was like a flame had been lit inside of you, eventually growing into a roaring blaze that could not be tamed. You were slowly and deeply falling in love with her, there was no denying it anymore.

"Nat, I'm so sorry for what I'm about to do, but you leave me no choice," you said, as soon as you pulled a +4 card as a last resource. Your only cards remaining were two red ones and of course you would decide said color as the next.

Natasha let out a gasp of surprise, and shook her head.

"How could you?" She exclaimed, and with much indignation, took the four cards.

"I choose red," you stated, very indifferent to her reaction.

She checked the cards she had taken, and the red card she placed, was one that would prevent you from your turn, and then, she placed a red one with a number on it.

With a victorious smile, you shouted "UNO" as you placed the second to last card you had left. And to your bad luck, Natasha didn't have one of the same color, but she did have a blue one with the same number.

"Excuse me, you were saying?" She replied, in a mocking tone.

It was your turn to gasp in surprise.

"Natalia, you monster!" You exclaimed. "My devious scheme has been disrupted, and I have been bested. I expected this from everyone, but you?" You said in an over-dramatic tone, placing your hands on your chest, as if you had been stabbed.

You two were cross-legged playing UNO on Natasha's bed, having watched a couple of movies and ordered food. You had been playing for maybe an hour and a half now, and this last round was no different than the previous ones, since you were always looking for ways to trick and betray each other in this little game. Until, Natasha finally won.

"Ahhh! This was a tough one!" You commented, collecting the cards from the pile and sorting them. As you were doing this, you noticed something under Natasha's leg, sticking out slightly. "But of course, it was honest play, wasn't it? It would be a shame if you cheated."

She snorted, "Yes, honesty first and foremost, I agree," she acted innocent. You did your best to hold your laughter.

"Hey, since you're closer, would you mind getting up and handing me my phone?" You pointed to your phone, which was charging in her bedside table.

"You get up, lazy!" She teased, making you gasp in surprise.

"Well, I may be lazy, but I'm no cheater!" You exclaimed, pointing to the card under her leg.

"Oh, whaaaaat?! How did this even get here?!" She said, making her voice a little higher pitched and feigning surprise.

You couldn't help it and laughed loudly.

"Oh, come on, Nat!" You answered. "We're resuming this game, now!"

Luckily, you caught on to her trick before you rearranged the cards, and you hadn't yet touched hers and yours.

"Give me that card," you ordered her, and at that, she didn't let you have it and kept moving the card just out of your reach.

You suddenly realized you've leaned forward to try and grab at the card, and you accidentally ended up on top of her, with her lying on her back underneath you.

The world around you faded into the background, leaving only the two of you exchanging a few shy looks and smiles, acknowledging the position you were in, feeling a little nervous and uncertain about it.

The pounding of your heart was racing a million beats per second, its rhythm matching the rapid pace of your thoughts. Your cheeks flushed with warmth whilst you embraced the profound effect she had on you.

And after a while, you summoned all your courage and made the first move. You leaned in, closing the distance between you and Natasha. In that intimate moment, your lips gently met hers, softly and tenderly.

However, the thrill of the moment was replaced with confusion and disappointment when Natasha pulled away.

"I can't," her words hung in the air.

You reluctantly drew back, giving her the space she needed, and you searched her eyes, longing to find the reason behind her hesitance, but all you could see was a glimpse of regret and shame.

It was as if she carried a secret, a secret that prevented her from fully embracing the moment, despite the chemistry you thought there was between you both. Or maybe you got lost in translation, maybe she simply didn’t share your feelings.

"I'm sorry," you apologized, your voice breaking. "I didn't mean to overstep. I misunderstood."

"Please, just go," Natasha's expression remained resolute.

Her words felt like a cold-hearted stab in your chest, leaving you at a loss for what to say or do. Nevertheless, you decided to respect her boundaries, honoring her wish to be left alone.

With a heavy heart, you nodded, gathering your things. Subsequently, you whispered another "I’m sorry" as you started to walk away.

The taste of that stolen kiss lingered on your lips for a long time, as a reminder of the brief, tantalizing ephemeral glance of something that could have been.

In the meantime, you only hoped that someday, the circumstances would align, allowing both of you to talk it out and move on.

That happened when you were contacted for another mission. With the help of the advanced technology and scientific knowledge that the Tower counted with, everyone contributed to analyze the data collected.

Each member expressed their concerns, ideas and proposals for the next step to take. Natasha, in particular, treated you with incredible disdain and professionalism, leaving everyone around you surprised. It was as if she created a barrier between you both, as if she barely recognized your presence now. There was no trace of shame or shyness on her face, unlike you, who struggled to even hold eye contact with her.

Finally, the meeting concluded. As the team prepared to disperse, the opportunity to talk to Natasha presented itself. The others began to head out, leaving the two of you alone in the room. This was the moment you had been waiting for.

"Nat, can we talk?" You gently drew her attention as she evaluated the information presented in the screens.

She turned to look at you, and then nodded. It was a small gesture, but it gave you the reassurance you needed to proceed.

"I… just want to apologize," you began. "For what happened before, for misunderstanding and crossing a line that should’ve never been. I never meant to make you uncomfortable."

Her gaze softened, and she sighed, "It's not entirely your fault," she reassured you. "I should have been clearer. It's just… I have a lot of conflicts in my mind, it’s complicated."

You nodded, understanding that there was more to her story than you were told, "I want you to know that I treasure our connection, whatever it may be," you confessed, your sincerity present in every single world. "And if there's anything you're willing to share, I'm here to listen."

There was a brief pause as Natasha contemplated her response, but as the minutes passed, she felt more and more comfortable with sharing her past experiences with relationships, and how they caused her to struggle with trust issues.

"Nat, I’m going to be honest, I can't erase the mistakes of others, but I swear to you, I'm not here for just a fleeting encounter. And I’m willing to earn your trust, if you give me the opportunity."

"It's hard for me to believe that," she admitted. "But at the same time, there's something about you that makes me want to give you that opportunity, despite my reservations. It’s complicated, as I said."

In that precious moment, your feelings swirled together - joy, relief, and gratitude. You had been given a chance, an opportunity to show Natasha that your love for her could prevail over the scars of the past.

Ever since, every date you planned with her was a thoughtful gesture, meticulously adapted to her preferences as you were eager to give your best to create cherished memories. From intimate dinners at her favorite restaurants to adventurous outings exploring new places, your attention to the small details that made her happy did not go unnoticed, because she appreciated the genuine effort you put into making her feel seen and loved. She also appreciated that you never pressed her for more than she was ready to give.

You provided a safe space where she could open up at her own pace. Naturally, time went on, and Natasha began to let her guard down in your presence.

Until, one —ironically— rainy night, your phone buzzed discreetly. You glanced down and read the words from your adoptive father, that were capable of disturbing your peace within seconds…

"I hope our deal still stands, and that you didn't actually move to the Avengers' side."

Unbeknownst to you, Natasha could perfectly read the message, her expression shifting from serenity to one of concern and anger. In an instant, the world seemed to hold its breath.

Time slowed as Natasha's eyes found yours, and the depth of her pain and distrust pierced through every fiber of your being. The delicate thread of trust that had been formed between you threatened to break under the weight of betrayal.

"What is this, (Y/N)?" She asked as her voice trembled. "Have you been playing both sides all along?!"

Before you could even respond, Natasha's eyes glazed over and she proceeded to rise abruptly from her seat to leave the restaurant where you were having dinner. Little did you care and you placed a hundred dollar bill that would cover both of your consumption plus a generous tip.

Afterwards, you ran out of the place to follow her. The first thing you felt was an overwhelming cold and the rain soaking you.

"Nat, please believe me," you pleaded. "I never wanted any of this. My loyalty lies with you and the Avengers."

"Yes, yes. I've heard that story a thousand times, and I didn't like the ending," she replied.

"Nat...—"

"I don't want to hear you!" She shouted suddenly, startling you. "You expect me to believe your empty words? I thought you were different, but I see now that you're just like everyone… no, you’re worst, way worst."

The rain that drenched you seemed insignificant compared to the icy chill that her words settled within you, making the ache in your chest unbereable.

"No, Nat, please," you begged desperately, your voice being interrupted by occasional sobs. "Let’s get inside and talk, I’ll explain you everything. I love you."

She shuddered as if your words had hurt her even more. The pain in her eyes reflected the storm that ravaged her soul.

"Love? Is that what you call it?" Her voice exuded bitterness as she lashed out, determined to protect herself from further pain. "You have a funny way of showing it. Actions speak louder than empty declarations."

Her words crushed you completely, as the rain mixed with your tears.

As Natasha turned, her silhouette blurred by the rain, you eventually felt too weak to even be standing, and you kneeled in the pavement, feeling your entire body twist in pain and regret.

"Natasha, my love, please don't leave," you sobbed. "Nat… don’t leave,” you whispered this time.

But she was gone, swallowed up by the darkness and the pouring rain. And you were right where she left you drenched and devastated, unable to understand how everything could fall apart so quickly.

Your mission as an infiltrator within the Avengers was the following: to steal a valuable possession and to disrupt their missions, weakening their defenses and providing Hydra a strategic advantage.

You proposed to your adoptive father the tip of the iceberg of your original plan. You told him you would deceive everyone, in order to gain their trust and position yourself as Hydra's eyes within the mighty Avengers' Tower.

However, your true motives remained hidden. Little did he know that you yearned for a chance to redeem yourself from the shadows of your past. You genuinely wanted to make a connection with the Avengers, to join their ranks and fight for the greater good.

At first, you walked a tightrope, subtly sabotaging the Avengers' efforts against Hydra to maintain your adoptive father's trust, so he would not proceed against you or your teammates. But as time went on, you stopped even doing that, and instead, made excuses to prevent suspicion that you didn't align with Hydra's twisted ideals. And that message he sent you during your date with Natasha couldn't have been more inopportune.

Days turned into weeks, and the weight of loneliness suffocated any hint of hope that remained, because as expected, you heard nothing from Natasha, or any of the Avengers for that matter. All those friendships, laughs, trust… shattered into a thousand pieces by a message that didn't represent you at all.

You even began to consider packing your belongings and escape to another country to start from scratch. Your stupid choices held you captive, and the desire to break free consumed you.

In the midst of this overwhelming despair, you received a message from your adoptive father.

"Fine, if that’s how you want to play, then so be it. If you don't bring something valuable to us TODAY, she will suffer. We have her."

The message cut through your being like a searing blade, slashing through the delicate fabric of your soul. There was no hiding what you have done, and a life was held hostage, a life intertwined with your own.

As if the threat wasn't enough, he continued…

"Also, if you call the Avengers, we'll know, and she'll die painfully before they even get there. Steal something like I raised you to do. No tricks this time."

You felt the air rushing out from your lungs, as fear gripped your heart mercilessly. The mere thought of your beloved enduring torment struck you with agony, and there was no doubt that you would protect her at all costs.

In the midst of your despair, a plan began to take shape. You would infiltrate into the Avengers' Tower and steal the highly advanced AI system you and Tony initially designed for Peter Parker.

It seemed like the perfect key to Natasha’s safety, and to meet your adoptive father’s demands. Hydra's capabilities would be significantly amplified with it.

Your exile also translated into losing access to everything you used to come and go. In consequence, using your years of training, reflected through skills and expertise, you successfully manipulated the electronic locks and bypassed the intricate security measures.

Finally, you stood before the AI, and with a steady hand, you carefully detached the system, making sure not to leave a trace of your presence. The stolen AI system nestled securely in your possession, and therefore, Natasha would be safe and sound in no time.

You headed to the place you were ordered to, and it was conveniently apart from the city, being a former abandoned factory.

You knew that Natasha was extremely dangerous and strong, therefore you couldn't stop thinking of the position she must have been in so that they managed to get her with no problem.

Once there, you took the suitcase containing AI Karen's chip and made your way towards the meeting point. You noticed that there were about ten guards guarding the area, and one of them checked if you didn't have a weapon.

As soon as the door slightly opened, you kicked it hard and entered the place.

You saw Natasha immobilized with smart handcuffs restraining on her wrists and ankles, but when you ran towards her, you were stopped by the man you most repudiated on the face of this earth.

"Hey, easy," he said mockingly. "Let's talk business."

Your eyes glazed over, as you felt your heart ache at the sight in front of you. There was nothing you wanted more than to hug her and reassure her that you would do everything in your power to save her. But in order to accomplish that, you had to obey what was being asked of you.

"This is what I got," you began after letting out a long sigh. "It is similar to the artificial intelligence that Tony Stark has in his suit, and I participated in its development," you continued. "It has various databases and security protocols that would facilitate the acquisition of classified information, allowing Hydra to infiltrate sensitive networks and manipulate events to suit its agenda. It can also analyze patterns, anticipate trends, and adjust strategies accordingly. It would make an incredible asset for global domination."

After giving him a quick demonstration, your adoptive father smiled wickedly and patted your shoulder.

"Oh, I'm so proud of you," he exclaimed, and perhaps your self of many years ago would have rejoiced at those words, but now that you knew the price you had to pay to hear those words, you realize that they are not worth all the suffering, and never were.

"Let Natasha Romanoff go, father," you commanded with your jaw clenched.

His laughter echoed through the dimly lit factory. His eyes bore into yours, devoid of any warmth or compassion, as he reveled in his victory.

"Let her go," he scoffed, his voice filled with disdain. "Why would I release her when I finally have you exactly where I want you?"

A surge of anger coursed through you, fueling a fire that burned fiercely within your chest.

"No," you declared firmly. "You should know by now that Natasha means more to me than any twisted ideology you spew."

Your adoptive father's eyes burned with fury. In that moment, you realized that your defiance had destroyed his illusion of control.

"After everything I have done for you? Don't you see? This is your purpose, your destiny!" He countered.

"That’s your purpose for me, as your puppet," you corrected. "My purpose is not to spread chaos and destruction. It's to protect the people I love and make amends for the wrongs I've done. And guess what? That’s what I’m doing."

"Ah, so the great (Y/N) has grown soft and weak in the arms of Natasha. I knew allowing emotions into your heart would be your downfall," he sneered, with an air of disappointment. "You were meant to be a weapon in our hands, an asset for the future of this organization," he added.

"… and I would rather be 'soft' in the eyes of Hydra than hardened and devoid of humanity like you," you stated. "I may have been created by Hydra, but I am not defined by them. I choose my own path, and it's one that leads away from your darkness."

He took a deep breath, characteristic of when he already lost his patience. You knew it so well, and it never failed to frighten you.

He stepped closer, his menacing presence closing in around you, "I raised you to be better, so you have one last chance," he hissed, handing you a gun. "You end Natasha Romanoff's life, or I will do it myself. And trust me, my methods are far more agonizing than a quick death."

You trembled, feeling your heart suffocating, your mind finding its way of reminding you of the laughter you shared, the tender moments, the unbreakable bond between you and Natasha. But at the same time, you knew what your adoptive father was capable of, and it filled you with dread.

There were no other options, no escape from the cruel fate that awaited her if you refused. With tears welling in your eyes, you whispered your surrender. "Fine. I'll do it."

When Natasha heard the words escape your trembling lips, her eyes widened in disbelief, and her features contorted in a mixture of shock and heartbreak.

The knot in your stomach tightened, constricting your breath and making it difficult to think clearly. Your palms grew clammy, sweat trickling down your forehead as your heart pounded in your chest.

You cautiously approached Natasha. Every step felt like an eternity, the deafening thud echoing in your ears. When you were close enough, you saw the beads of sweat glistening on her forehead, her muscles straining against the unyielding bonds that sought to confine her. It was a testament to her resilience, her unyielding spirit that refused to be broken.

In the end, this was you, a deadly weapon raised to make these kinds of actions. What was one more kill? Your entire life had been shaped by the manipulations and training of your adoptive father, molding you into a merciless instrument of his will and the will of the company he worked for.

You raised the gun, as the metal felt cold and unforgiving in your sweaty hands. And then, as if guided by an invisible force, your finger began to tighten around the trigger.

You made the last choice, the choice that would determine the path of your future and, ultimately, save both yourself and Natasha. There was no other way out.

With a determination that burned bright within you, you aimed at your objective. So, when your finger curled around the trigger, a deafening shotgun erupted in the room, shattering the suffocating silence.

In that instant, your adoptive father's body crumpled to the ground, unconscious and defeated. His presence, once so menacing and dominant, now lay broken, a mere shadow of the authority he once commanded.

Natasha's body jerked in a sudden startle when she heard the shotgun, and her eyes clenched shut, as if shielding herself from the inevitable horror that awaited her. Every muscle in her body tensed, bracing for the impact, but then, a familiar voice made itself present.

"Open your eyes, darling, it's over," you uttered, your voice trembling with the shock of what had just transpired.

Slowly, Natasha's eyes fluttered open. The room came into focus, and as her gaze fell upon you, the realization of what you did hit her immediately.

You then reached for the small monitor that was in your adoptive father’s pocket and unlocked the restraints that held Natasha captive. She carefully removed the tape on her mouth.

Her eyes glistened with shed tears as she threw herself into your arms, her body trembling against yours. The resentment and doubt she once had towards you seemed to dissolve in that moment whilst she held onto you as if her life depended on it.

"I thought I lost you," she whispered, her voice choked with tears and vulnerability.

You held her tightly, your own emotions spilling all over, "I'm here, Nat. This is me. This has always been me."

Her lips trembled, and she pressed them against yours, and in that single, stolen moment, the world around you ceased to exist. Time stood still as your lips met, fueled by a yearning that transcended mere physical desire. It was a fusion of souls, a merging of two hearts that had endured unimaginable pain and now reveled in the sweet taste of redemption.

"I love you," she whispered between kisses.

"I love you too," you murmured, and how unmatched was the feeling of being able to say it when there was no hint of uncertainty on the other side. "And as long as you allow me, I will do my best to keep showing it to you."

After securing the AI and taking down all the guards that prowled the place, you both emerged from the abandoned factory. Although the scars of the event would forever mark your souls, you knew that you had emerged stronger than ever.

Together, you would forge a new path, rewriting the narratives that had threatened to tear you apart, and embracing the love that had always been destined to bring you back together.

This was the accomplished mission that you both were most proud of. Especially because, in addition to having shared years of experiences, adventures, and everlasting memories, it was only a matter of time before you also shared the "Romanoff" last name.

[hils79]

Hils Watches Goblin - Ep 3

I love him

Haha! A dramatic rescue and now they have to walk home

Can they communicate telepathically now? I love it

He's very cute

YES! Fuck up her abusive family

So there's a chance that the king that killed him has been reincarnated as member of ikon or a member of this girl group that I don't recognise. Amazing.

Ooh nice tough having him be there for the doctor not the patient. Didn't see that coming

This reminds me of when I was watching Duel and the characters kept stopping to eat at Subway and talk about how tasty the food is

I love her

Haha! She blew out the food she burnt and accidentally summoned the goblin, who she is trying to avoid

His smug smile. Everyone in this is a dork and I love them

I mean if Lee Dong Wook showed up to take me to the afterlife I would definitely go without hesitation

I assumed grim reapers had always been grim reapers but apparently he has a past life. Interesting.

Oh my god they've gone grocery shopping together. I love to see powerful supernatural beings doing mundane stuff like this

Grim Reaper: I can't wait for your bride to pull out the sword so you die Also Grim Reaper: Oh, no, please don't leave 🥺

Grim Reaper is totally going to pretend to take her just to get him to come back

Aww she kept the flowers he gave her the first time they met. This drama isn't at all what I expected. I thought it was going to be all brooding heavy angst but it's sweet and funny

Ooh magic stall lady hexed the grim reaper so he would pick up the ring. I've already forgotten what's significant about the ring. Was it that woman in the past who owned it? And then did Eun Tak's mother pick it up at one point too? I'm sure all will become clear

Oh my god did Eun Tak's pretty boss just have a meet cute with the grim reaper. Well, that fortune teller did say she'd have bad luck with men. This probably won't end well

Yeah, for a start he can't touch her. Oh, didn't he say he can see people's past lives if he touches them? I'm sure that will become relevant at some point

Yeah, that's not ominous at all

I mean yes if I had a meet cute with Lee Dong Wook I would be like this also. I mean not really because I'm ace but I understand. He's very handsome.

He's been living with the goblin for too long. He's started wearing sweaters now too

Wow she is terrible too. I hope the goblin punishes her as well

Two powerful immortals freaking out because someone rang their doorbell. This drama is so fun.

This is about to get awkward

Wait, can she really see it? I'd think 'holy shit there's a giant sword impaling you' would have come up before now

[stupidincorrectgreekhistory]

(A/N) I write a lot. If you want to filter only to my incorrect quotes, then you can always sort by that tag. I hope that if you do read my little snippets, they bring you joy (or sadness, I suppose. I'm not your mom). Also, I generally write in first person, but I'm trying out writing part of this story in third person.

The taste of rain on Adrian's tongue is like a balm to his sore throat, the feeling akin to the teas that his mother used to foist upon him when he was ill. The sting, then the relief... he can feel the moment that Anne and Sara come up behind him, and he sighs.

"I don't want you to see me like this. I told you." Sara hums in agreement, and he thinks that's it before she hefts him back from under his armpit, huffing and puffing as her skirt gets crumpled beneath them. The touch makes him flinch before relaxing and helping her sit up.

"Then you won't. I'm not a maid because I waltzed in and declared it to the castle, Adrian. You always forget that I can do things as well." A scandalised gasp comes from Anne, and they both ignore her. Sara cups his face, tipping his gaze upwards to meet hers. Gold meets brown, and he smiles sheepishly. She knows a lot more than she thinks she does. About him, and of the palace's laws, and the delegation.

Now, if only he could keep her from repeating this mistake over and over again.

"It isn't that I think you aren't. I know you're strong. Unfortunately, many men of greater strength await in great numbers, expecting me alone. I doubt we will be received well if you depart with me. One might think of why I ask of you to stay one's hand, hm?" He adds the last part teasingly, and she shakes her head.

"Why is it always you, god damned as the rest of them? Why can't you ever let things be?" She asks seriously, and he shrugs at that.

"Isn't it kindness, what I do?" She looks past him, her brown eyes far away as she thinks about what to respond with. She's looking for someone else, he thinks, someone that she knew long ago. A boy younger than this domain, soft and tiring of watching the people suffer. If I was to depart, what would become of that sweet child? The thoughts swirl. This vessel is half of him, small and still not entirely free of the awkwardness of development and baby fat on his cheeks.

The rain has stopped to a drizzle. The sun is going down, and it's time to leave. After all, who is he to love himself as much as the world that he adores? If this is the end, it is a kind one. It's even a mercy killing, with his nature so terribly corrupting within him. How much will have withered away, by the time that his limitless lifespan has passed one hundred? What is death to a changeling? What is drowning to a fish? His hair falls in his face, and the human form he's holding- the one he has loved and been loved in- shivers in and out of vision.

"I don't think you're kind, to leave us without your protection with the northern lands attacking. I don't think it's kind to hurt, Adrian." Sara admits, patting a glitching tendril that twitches at the words. The beast looks at the maiden. She has killed it, and it has killed her. Hope is the first to leave with love, and they both know it as much as they know that Adrian is still going to walk to his death.

And now, his love will kill him under a blood moon. Romance rests in your chest, eating you with as much vigor as it possibly can. The beast, Adrian, he wants to scream, I'm Adrian. He isn't, he's certain, but still it becomes a mantra in the back of his head: Adrian, Adrian, Adrian... I am Adrian. The knowledge of his quickly approaching execution doesn't make him falter at all.

"Lord Farien, I come to you to seal our contract. For the price of your own leadership, you will take my life and its allotted time span. Yes or no will suffice, my lord." Adrian (I'm not just the beast that devours my humanity I am Adrian I'm not alone) drops to one knee, keeping his head bowed in acknowledgement to the man in front of him. He sweeps forward, clothes in a queerly wrinkled state considering his obsession with his own wealth. Adrian hasn't ever seen him look this... horribly sad. Of the two, though, he supposes that Farien gets the last laugh, doesn't he?

Farien. He doesn't even know the man's first name, and now he's going to die by his hand without knowing it. The aftertaste of guilt is as unfortunate as it's always been as he stands on his orders.

"Adrian?" The man asks, aghast, and Adrian shudders. The sound of his true name ripples through him, grounding, and the vampire steps forward like the person he is: innocent, even with the centuries of knowledge under his belt. This- this is the visceral pain that Adrian has been feeling since he let Farien propose the deal. It hurts more, to see Farien suffering much the same.

"Farien," He says back, mouthing the words like he's afraid of the truth, "Yes or no?" He chokes out the last words like poison is still burning down his throat. The man in front of him looks him over, taking in the way he shifts back and forth from man to monster. Who is who? What is Adrian?

What is immortality worth to someone who loves? What is death to someone who has already felt it?

[forpiratereasons]

you know how there's this whole thing in golden age romcom 1999 hit the runaway bride about how the julia roberts character likes her eggs? when she's with one guy, she likes them over-easy, same as him. when she's with the next guy, she likes them scrambled, same as him. with the next guy, in an omelette, same as him. and in the end, she can't marry richard gere because she still doesn't know how she likes her eggs. it's not until she's gone off on her own for a bit and built her own life and discovered how she likes her eggs without anybody else's influence that she can finally allow richard gere back into her life with hope for a real future.

what i'm saying is this. calico jack takes his eggs scrambled. izzy takes his eggs hard-boiled. stede takes his eggs over-easy.

not canonically of course, what i mean is, each of these men in ed's life have different views and expectations of who ed is, and ed is so desperate for love and acceptance that he is willing to turn himself inside out to meet this expectations. calico jack wants a party; ed will party. izzy wants fearsome; ed will cut off his toes. stede wants a softie who will talk it through with the crew; ed will talk it through with the crew.

ed leaves with jack because he knows jack does this to him, and he knows jack went too far, and he knows he allowed jack to have enough power and control over him that he allowed jack to go too far. ed concocts terrible plans with izzy in order to try and control the power izzy wields over ed - by keeping up with him, instead of letting him take control. ed allows izzy to duel with stede even though, under command, izzy should have stood down. stede is a gentleman and a silly adventurer, and ed tries to become a gentleman and a silly adventurer.

these are all different theses about who Edward Teach can be. all suggestions. even stede, who we often speak about as being really good for ed and allowing him to be who he wants - it's impossible to ignore that on some level ed is also trying to form himself around what stede wants him to be. this is imo most obvious in ep 10 where ed virtually hangs himself in front of his own crew by erasing the fear they have and thereby abdicating any power. izzy's threat is the most upfront demonstration of this, but right after that we hear the crew on deck shouting for eddie to come give them another song. ed has no control. he has no respect. izzy's a dick throughout, but his threats before were always to leave -- now he's threatening ed himself. ed has put himself in danger trying to be what he thought stede wanted.

so, okay. those are the theses. then we get ep10 dark ed. this is the antithesis. this isn't who anybody wants. he's not a fun time. he's not a fearsome pirate. he's not soft. he's not weak, and he will cut any weakness out. he is the kraken.

what we need from the narrative now is the synthesis. the discovery, for ed, of what ed really wants. how does he take his eggs.

ed can't do this as dark ed. he has to come out of dark ed in order to remember the taste of eggs. he can't do this as any of the standard theses either, because then he just ends up mirroring whoever has the most power of him at any moment, including stede. he can't do this as the boy who wanted red silk or who killed his own father. he can't do this as a king's privateer. he can't do this as anybody but himself.

what i'm saying is: i am so fuckin ready for ed to have the pirate version of his eat pray love self-discovery journey off alone with no one who knows him so he can decide for himself how he likes his eggs, and then when he and stede meet again--he'll be ready.

[the-port-marfiar]

Hello love, are you doing okay today?

I would like to request a Chuuya x Child reader fic. The relationship is ofc platonic where Chuuya has basically adopted a little kid. If you're comfortable could the pronouns be He/Him or They/Them?

Ignore and delete if not interested <3

Hiii!! I’m doing great, thanks for asking! thank you for the request and i hope you like this<33 (i did hc’s cuz i couldnt really think of a scenario loll) 

He/they pronouns! also i made this kid a bit sarcastic and done with life because uhm yeah haha

Chuuya x platonic! child! reader

okay so 

we all know that chuuya has a [absolutely terrible] temper so him having a kid- wOw

but he was on a mission where he had to kill this dude for betraying the mafia

after the job was done and he was waiting for his men to “clean up” the mess

he hears footsteps

he would’ve been alert by then but these footsteps sounded so smOl 

just like- a kid’s-

to tell you chuuya’s heart dropped when a little kid poked his head from the wall 

the staircase thing, you know? chuu’s at an angle where he cant see the stairs because of wall blocking it-

so he freaks out and rushes to the kid, blocking his field of vision with his body

how did he manage that lmao

and he ushers the kid to an empty room and addresses his question

“where’s my dad?” 

“he’s- uh.. on a trip! and i have to- take care..of you while he’s- gone..?” 

this child seemed about 10 but at the same time he didn’t believe him

at all

“are you that mafia thing he always talks about?’

“...”

okay so afterwards he decides to bring the kid to his estate and cook him something

“this is your house?! Wow, its so cool!!” 

okay but ngl chuuya was a little offended when he started asking if it really was his house

as the kid (y/n l/n) started eating his spaghetti

“Okay but are you sure you didnt order this?” 

“Yes im sure i made it myself-!”

He gets on the phone with kouyou

“i got a kid.”

“you wHAT-” 

just kidding kouyou is elegant™ she doesn’t lose her cool

but she did get mad at chuuya

“how’s you accidentally get a kid? Is it yours?? Oh my god was it Dazai?” 

“ANE-SAN MEN DON’T GET PREGNANT.” 

aNYWAYS-

after that amazing phone call he decides to adopt the child

and im not going to describe it because i havent ever adopted a child:’(

this kid 

is a fucking savage

goddamn and chuuya thought dazai was bad

“what’s your height, chuuya?” 

yes he never bothered to use honorifics

“....five feet three inches” 

“Wow that’s so short.” 

*angry chuuya noises* 

y/n actually is very fond of his new dad (yeah he figured it out he’s smart) and misses him

alot

when chuuya has to go on missions and do tasks he just drops y/n off to kouyou or some other trusted friend (tachihara:D)

and y/n dear misses him

i know this isn’t cannon but let’s just say he’s on a mission with the ada because mori is a sadist.

and suddenly chuuya gets a call

“hello?” 

pause 

and then he starts freaking out

“huh? you’re kidding! I’ll be there, take care of him!!”

“chibi where are you going! we still have work to do!”

“Fuck your work my child is sick-”

“your wHAT-” 

i wrote this in like 10 minutes no wonder its so bad:/

[13tinysocks]

Something about there not being enough "Killer Y/N" in creepypasta fanfictions annoys me. Like it's almost always Y/N being the one to take care of the Creepypasta. And normally, I don't have issues with that, I love those wholesome types of relationships despite it being with murderers. It's a nice contrast. But the problem is that it's usually so unbalanced, like Y/N is doing all of the work meanwhile the Creepypasta treats them like shit. Going through so much angst drama that makes me roll my eyes instead of being invested in the story. Not to mention that Y/N can be written to be so annoying. Like wtf is up with that? I want to read a fanfic where Y/N is a killer that looks intimidating (and can kill you) but is also a softie. And where the Proxy/Creepypasta is the human who looks normal but is absolutely feral and capable of worse.

I just like the idea of Y/N being this super scary killer, and then standing behind Toby , shyly asking the waiter for no pickles.

Toby, a human who you can probably snap like a twig: Uhm EXCUSE ME, they asked for no pickles >:(= Y/N, a proxy who is capable of gory murderous actions, but is hiding behind Toby: 🥰

I hope all of this makes sense, this is just a thought that's been annoying me >:/

Personally I can't stand shy characters in any sort of media. When people write cpp x readers, typically younger writers but I've seen ppl older than me do this as well- they tend to shove all the bad stereotypes on shyness onto yn then crank em to 11. Where are the yn's that eat people? Where are the Hannibal kinnie batshit bonkers yn's? WHERE ARE THE JENNIFER CHECK KINNIE YN'S? PLEASE.

I know why this happens. It's people thinking shy = submissive and many ppl in this fandom are into that sorta thing but they tend to get a little carried away. You can be either of those things without being a cardboard character. You can be shy and still cap people. You can be shy and still strong as shit and fully capable of fending off that smelly fuck who keeps climbing in your window.

On the flip side, people who try to write a "badass" yn typically end up writing yn exactly how men write women in b-movies. Like the hot girl who hangs with guys and fixes car and has two brothers but has no visible muscle or actual grit type beat. It tends to be frustratingly shallow. I want yn's who commit acts of senseless violence because it makes them feel better about themselves because they're terrible people❤️ Just love me a yn who goes through evil character development completely. They don't just kill because Slenderman wants them to but because they need to in order to keep themselves propped up psychologically.

Also? We just need more mean grouchy fuck yn's. I want a bitch in stained clothes to call someone dumb cunt then kill em. (Can u tell I fucking love insane women?)

Now I get taking a more "realistic" approach to a yn. It's what we did with thio yn, normal and on the reserved side. But she also fights back, feels and expressed her anger, and comes out of her shell. Serial killers are scary people to be around. I get writing them as scared. Personally I enjoy writing a more fearful dynamic but this is because I like to use that further down the line in my yn's arc- to exemplify their masochism. I think it's an interesting concept to explore- how a normal person would get with someone so evil.

And can we as a fandom stop writing the weird shit where the pasta is abusive in every single way to yn and they're just like cool with it. I could literally list all the fics I see do this it makes me crazy. Where is the nuance bestie? Toxic relationships can be an interesting thing to write but hey guys maybe not uhhhhhh rape? Then yn's like omg 😳 so dominant omg I'll learn 2 love him. Bitch I'm gonna get you.

[linkspooky]

What Eren Wants

After all the mystery surrounding Eren’s true intentions, what Eren really wants in the final arc, this chapter lays it out quite clearly. Eren wants his friends to kill him. Not because he thinks it’s going to achieve some grand objective in a secret plan he’s had all along that requires he sacrifice his own life. I think Eren just wants to die. Suicidal ideation, is a symptom of a much bigger underlying problem, it’s a passive longing to die. More on this, and more on Eren under the cut. 

1. No Future

Eren is committing metaphorical suicide in his final act with the rumbling. It’s a pretty thinly veiled metaphor too, considering Eren just tells his friends that they have to kill him. Consider the two characters who Eren is paralleled against the most with this arc: Zeke and Reiner. 

Zeke’s wish has always been the opposite of Eren’s. Eren believes he was free because he was born in this world. Zeke, who was born as a part of some great plan, not as a child to be loved, but a child to be made into a soldier a tool for his parents wishes he wasn’t born. He thinks all suffering can be avoiding if only he never existed in the first place. 

This wish, to stop existing, because it’s the only way to end suffering is plain and simple suicidal ideation. Xander even tells Zeke as much when recounting the story of his family, that he became a warrior candidate because he wanted to die in the worst way possible. 

Consider Zeke’s view of his own life. HIs family never loved him. He was born without love, therefore there’s no love in his life, and no future. Not only is there no future for him, but there’s no future for all Eldians in general. From that point forward what Zeke seeks is not to heal, but rather to alleviate pain. They’re the thoughts of a suicidal person. 

Reiner who is compared to Eren endlessly, who committed the same sin that Eren did, deciding to knock down the walls and destroy everybody inside is shown with this same hopelessness in regards to his own life. 

Once again there’s the repettition for the wish for it all to end. Reiner who is a child soldier just like Eren. Reiner who once believed he was doing something good, that he was fighting for a cause. Reiner’s wish to die is even more thinly veiled then Eren’s. 

In this scene Reiner is exposed to Eren’s desire to be like him and Mikasa, to be someone he perceives as strong, and also his fear deep down that he’s going to die a worthless death. He’s going to die having achieved nothing. This is important for later, because Eren’s suicide isn’t just killing himself, he’s also staging it so he’s dying for a cause, for an idea like freedom, he’s trying desperately to give his death meaning. 

Reiner tells Eren that the only thing the both of them can do is to keep moving forward. However, what Eren and Reiner do is they continually throw themselves into more conflict again and again, unnecessary conflicts. That’s why this is paralleled with what happened to Marco because, Marco tried to give them a chance to talk things out but Reiner made it a fight. 

Reiner and Eren’s tendency to throw themselves into conflict again and again is, self-harming behavior. They’re intentionally risking their lives because it’s the only way they can try to find meaning in their lives and try to fight against their own feelings of worthlessness. 

They are trying to prove something to themselves by putting their lives on the line, they are trying to find meaning in the conflict that has dominated their entire lives (remember they are child soldiers, they were raised not by parents, but by the war around them and it’s practically all they know by this point). Reiner and Eren’s dream to destroy the devils of Paradis, to Eliminate all the Titans has always, always, been paralleled with their wish to die. 

Immediately after he says this it cuts to Reiner with a gun in his mouth. It’s not really subtle imagery. Eren also says, something incredibly similiar to Reiner’s series of flashbacks here. 

Eren says to Falco there are those like him and Reiner who choose to throw themselves into hell again and again, because they’re hoping to get something out of it. This is willfully self-harming, self-endangering behavior, Eren and Reiner throw themselves into conflict again, and again, and again hoping to try to get some meaning out of that conflict but they won’t because war is hell bla bla bla. 

Falco even repeats the line that Eren said to Reiner, because that’s what Eren believes deep down, and what Eren is desperately trying to avoid, that he is weak, that he is powerless, that there is no hope for someone like him. Better to sacrifice his life for some cause, then die a worthless death. And like I said, these feelings have been inside Eren for a long time he even casually thinks about it before kissing HIstoria’s hand. He even begged Historia to kill him in the Uprising Arc. Eren and Reiner have been fighting against these feelings for a long time, and eventually, they grew tired of the fighting. 

2. Child Soldiers

The diffference between Reiner and Eren, is Reiner is still able to see some kind of future that Eren himself has given up on. 

Falco is what stops Reiner’s suicide. The idea that Falco still needs him. Reiner, Zeke, Eren, the three of them are all child soldiers who need to grow up, but find themselves unable to because they’ve been raised by war not family. Eren’s reckless regard for the lives of children is meant to be compared to Reiner’s protectiveness over Falco and Gabi. 

Eren’s suicidal feelings are always connected towards this reckless violence towards children because, for the same reason as Zeke ends up gravitating towards euthenasia, neither Eren nor Zeke can even imagine any kind of future for themselves. 

Eren’s fear has always been that he hasn’t grown up. That not a single thing has changed since the day his mother died. That deep down he’s still that useless brat that watched her die. That’s how Eren perceives himself, a child, a brat, that’s how he always has. 

We never really saw him get over this self perception either, at best he’s been made aware of this. When Hanji sees Eren acting out, they make constant jokes about Eren just being in his rebellious phase and growing up. 

Floch even says, deep down inside, Eren believes he’s always right, therefore he doens’t really ever change his beliefs or give them up when he’s challenged. He acts like an unreasonable child. IE. Someone who cannot be reasoned with. 

He even calls Mikasa the grown up for being able to let go and change her beliefs. It makes sense that Eren is this way, he’s been coping terribly with the loss of everything, and constant insecurity since childhood. Child soldiers are, stunted and not well adjusted. None of the characters are in the story, a lot of them still cling onto ideas they’ve held since childhood. Armin still sees himself as the weak one even though he currently has the storngest titan, and is in a position of power and responsibility in the army. Mikasa still sees herself as needing Eren to come home, and needing Eren to be there to have a family even though she’s always been stronger than him. Even though she’s capable of moving on. Annie still wants to run away back to her father, because that’s what he told her to do when he was a little girl. 

This is a story where all of the characters are child soldiers struggling to grow up. Even Erwin himself, clings to the dream his father gave him when he was a child. This is the how much the military, and the continual conflict has destroyed the lives of the children it eats up. That’s what Magath realizes in the end, that they were all just normal children, before he got his hands on them. 

Eren is just, the worst of this. IN a story where they are all struggling to grow, Eren has given up. Which is why we see both him and Ymir pictured now as eternal children. 

Eren is stunted, not only that he’s given up on the possibility that he might ever be better. It’s the way he refers to his own life now. This was always going to happen. He was just born this way. Eren remembers the scene where he gave Mikasa the strength to live, but he only remembers the fighting, only remembers the cruelty where he killed two men in order to save a little girl, and insists that it’s always going to be this way the only way he can keep going is to kill and struggle and kill some more. 

3. Live

Eren has all but forgotten the moment where he wrapped the scarf around Mikasa’s face, because the true importance of that scene is now lost on him. What he gave Mikasa was not a reason to fight, but a reason to live. It’s not something Eren gave her by picking up a weapon or telling her to fight, but by being by her side all this time. 

Eren who only sees the fighting and not the future after forgets what he was trying to do in that moment, which was save a little girl’s life and tell her to live. 

Eren thinks what got Mikasa attached to him was the violence he showed in that moment, the fact that he killed her captors, and not the comfort he showed her afterwards, not the home, because Eren ever since his mother died cannot move past that fact and believes there’s no home in this world for him, no family for a boy who cannot even protect his own mother. 

The world is cruel for making them fight to survive, but it’s not just cruel. That’s the idea that Mikasa has always represented. If Falco and Gabi are the children that Reiner protects because they are his last connection to the wrold, then Mikasa is Eren’s most important connection. She represents his desire to do more than just fight, to live in a world th’at scruel, to live together with her. 

And Eren is doing his best to turn his back away from her. 

Mikasa remembers the connection of that moment, and Eren only remembers the violence, Mikasa a little girl brutally killing two of her captors. Of course they both remember it wrong, Mikasa ignored Eren’s violence and only saw his kindness. Which led her to become codependent on that connection for so long like it was the only one that existed for her, like she could not connect to anybody besides Eren because he was kind to her in that moment. Whereas, Eren has always seen Mikasa’s strength as a barrier to their relationship. He has a complex about Mikasa, she’s stronger than him, when she tries to get close to him and protect him he sees that as her looking down on him. 

Eren can’t possibly see why Mikasa would want to be with somebody as weak as him, because he just doesn’t see what’s so lovably about himself. Eren only sees violence, MIkasa only sees love, and because of that they both can’t see each other. 

This chapter, it’s Armin who does most of the pleading, but Mikasa is literally always in the center of the frame. She puts her desire most simply. Eren doesn’t have to do this. He doesn’t have to choose death. They could still have a life together.

What Mikasa wants is to live. That’s what her arc has always been about, a little girl who wants to live on in a world that’s cruel.  She also wants to be what Eren was to her so long ago. She wants to tell him he can live. 

Mikasa is the first one to run to Eren.  She’s the one who flashes back to the child Eren because she’s the one who knows him the longest. 

When Reiner says that Eren is probably wants it all to end by someone else’s hand. It’s Mikasa who the focus suddenly falls on. 

Mikasa will always be Eren’s strongest connection to his own lifeline, his desire to live together and have a future with her, represented by the red scarf wrapped around both of their necks. 

When Eren was about to give up on living, Mikasa reminded him that just him being there next to her side all that time was enough for her. 

The promise to wrap the scarf around her neck, is simply a process to live with her. 

But, Eren doesn’t want that anymore.  He just wants to die. 

[euterpessi]

Romance Manhwa/Manga Recommendations:

Historical Manhwa/Manga:

Death Is The Only Ending For The Villainess

I’ve reincarnated as the reverse harem game’s villainess, the one and only adopted daughter of the ducal Eckart family.

But the difficulty just has to be the worst!

Everything I do will only lead me to death.

I must be paired with one of the main male characters from the heroine’s harem before the ‘real daughter’ of the duke family appears!

Two older brothers who always pick a fight with me on every little thing.

The insane crown prince whose route will always lead to my death.

‘I only see the heroine and no one else’s wizard, and also her loyal slave knight, too!

‘First, let’s take some of them which I see no hope in, out of the list!’

“I didn’t know my place up until now. From now on, I’ll live as quiet as a mouse so you wouldn’t care the slightest bit!

But why do their interests in me keep on rising every time I draw the line?!

The Villainess is a Marionette

Cayena, the Imperial Princess, was known as the most beautiful woman in the Empire. She was a woman who knew nothing but evil and luxury.

However, she was destined for ruin: she would be used as a chess piece by her younger brother to secure his throne and killed by her crazy husband.

“I’ll make you the Emperor.”

“… Sister, are you referring to me?”

“In exchange, give me freedom.”

She had to change things before she became that Cayena.

The Reason Why Raeliana Ended Up At The Duke’S Mansion

Poisoned to death by her own betrothed?! Eunha didn’t wake up in a novel’s story just to get killed off again as an unfortunate extra! To change her story she needs a cover… 6 months pretending to be the fake fiancée of the novel’s male protagonist, Duke Noah Wynknight. But will this cold-hearted, angel-faced demon of a man really help her avoid another ill-fated ending?!

Your Throne / I Want to Be You, Just For A Day

The story follows main characters Medea Solon and Psyche Callista, who become archenemies after competing for the position of crown princess of the Vasilios Empire. On the day of the Yearly Prayer, Medea and Psyche accidentally switch bodies.

The Remarried Empress

Navier was the perfect empress, however, the Emperor wanted a wife, not a colleague. And so, the Emperor abandoned Empress Navier and placed an enslaved girl beside him. That was fine until Navier heard the Emperor promise the slave the Empress’ position. After many ups and downs, Navier decided she would accept being the Queen of the neighbouring country and remarry.

Kill The Villainess

Eris Mizerian was the villainess of a novel. The only daughter of a marquis, she got executed after scheming against the pure and lovely protagonist, Helena. My only goal, after possessing her, is simply to leave this world and go home. I am prepared to face even death, but the laws of this world keep stopping me.

A changed Eris begins to draw the attention of three men who once loathed her; the Crown Prince, the High Priest, and the Knight.

"It doesn't matter. I will never be able to love this world."

Even if the only way out is death,

even if the only way out is make a deal with a witch...

I will absolutely leave this world!

This is the story of the villainess who defies fate, Eris, and her escape from this world!

The Way To Protect The Female Lead's Older Brother

I accidentally took possession of someone in a 19+ reverse harem novel.

The problem is that I became Roxana Agriche, the older sister of the sub-villain. My damn father kidnapped the heroine’s brother. Now, is the only thing left to meet a terrible end from the vengeance of the heroine?

But what if I can avoid that horrible development?

“I’m also interested in this toy.”

“I’ll protect you until you can get out of here safely.”

The heroine’s brother, Cassis Pedalian, will definitely be able to pay me back later.

Shadow Queen

“Can you be my daughter for me?”

By his offer, Elena became Duke of Franceschi’s fake daughter.

She became the queen and gave birth to Crown Prince’s son.

Then suddenly, Princess Veronica who was assumed dead came back.

She was only just a toy.

But eventually, Elena gets her son taken and is murdered.

However, she went back to the past.

“I’ll destroy all of you.”

I’ll never live as a toy again.

Elena decides to seeks revenge.

Under the Oak Tree

The daughter of a duke, the stuttering Maximilian, married a knight of lowly status at her father’s coercion.

After their first night, her husband departed for an expedition without another word.

He comes back three years later, this time as a famous knight in the whole continent.

How would Maximilian face him on his return?

"The more I think of you, the more lonely and lonely I become. I don't know why I can't quit even though it's so painful."

I'm Stanning The Prince

Angela’s fanfic became such a sensation that it even reached the Imperial Family, leading her to get arrested on charges of treason. Nevertheless, her fanfic improved the First Prince’s image, and his sister, the Princess, decides to take political advantage of this and keep Angela by their side. 

The heroine who can now fangirl to her heart’s content, and the Prince who doesn’t know how to act around her. As they bicker back and forth, they start growing closer…

Miss Not-So Sidekick

Hyejung loved to read to escape her daily stress. But that’s before she woke up inside the bizarre world of her favorite novel! Instead of the main heroine who courts three eligible men, she is now Latte Ectrie – a minor villain that everyone hates?! One way or another, it’s a chance to live out her most beloved storyline, with popcorn in hand to watch all the drama! Taking charge of the narrative takes on a whole new meaning!

Even Though I’M The Villainess, I’ll Become The Heroine!

I wasn’t able to overcome the harassment and took my life, but I was reincarnated with the perpetrator? The perpetrator is the heroine, Florre, and I am the villainess, Dahlia, who’s going to die horribly.

“They said you are a villain with neither blood nor tears, but unlike the rumors, you often shed tears.”

“Your Highness must believe all the nonsense the idiots are talking about, huh?”

Grand Duke of Cervian, the half brother of the Male lead and who will be punished for treason afterwards. He approached me. I can’t lose the man who will be my greatest ally.

“Your Highness, would you marry me?”

“Now…… what did you say?”

“And take revenge together.”

A similar situation, a fixed ending. The heroine is not the only one who knows the ending of the novel. I took a long and arduous path of revenge.

Who Made Me A Princess

The beautiful Athanasia was killed at the hands of her own biological father, Claude de Alger Obelia, the cold-blooded emperor! It’s just a silly bedtime story… until one woman wakes up to suddenly find she’s become that unfortunate princess! She needs a plan to survive her doomed fate, and time is running out. Will she go with Plan A, live as quietly as possible without being noticed by the infamous emperor? Plan B, collect enough money to escape the palace? Or will she be stuck with Plan C, sweet-talking her way into her father’s good graces?!

The Villainess Reverses the Hourglass

With the marriage of her prostitute mother to the Count, Aria’s status in society skyrocketed immediately. After leading a life of luxury, Aria unfairly meets death because of her sister Mielle’s schemes. And right before she dies, she sees an hourglass fall as if it were a fantasy. And just like that, she was miraculously brought back to the past.

“I want to become a very elegant person, just like my sister, Mielle.”

In order to face the villainess, she must become an even more wicked villainess. This was the new path Aria chose to take revenge on Mielle who murdered both her and her mother.

The Evil Lady's Hero

Junipe Magnolia, a villainess friend of the heroine in this novel called Rael Cania.

The Junipe inside the novel has always loved the male lead, Iseed. To the point where she harassed Rael out of jealousy because she's loved by Iseed.

And thus, Junipe is destinied to die in the hands of the male lead of this novel.

But one day.

"Why did I become Junipe?!"

But let's think about it, it's still one year away from the time Junipe is going to get killed by Iseed. So, I have to meet Iseed and Rael first, I'll be able to find a way out of my death if I do so.

Yeah, let's meet them first!

But, this man is just so tender-hearted and kind. Would Junipe be able to escape from this man?!

I Tamed a Tyrant and Ran Away

God gave me a chance to relive my life. Before the rebirth, I had been used for the past 400 years as the empire's sword. And so, I swore to destroy the empire. I found the young prince of the country and became his teacher. I taught him how to become a tyrant and asked for the country.

"I will do the lady's will."

He conquered the whole empire for me, and I ran away.

"I came to take you, Charlize Ronan." Dylan became a perfect tyrant and searched the entire empire for me.

"You tamed me, so why did you run away?"

Untouchable Lady

“Please, Hilise. Please die in place of Gabrielle.” My always dignified brother begged me for the first time. He wants me to die for our stepsister, whom we don't even share a drop of blood with. “For the first and last time, I ask you this.” I've always been miserable, and there is no exception this time. The seventh time that I was betrayed and killed, I was completely free of lingering feelings. “I'm glad that you're a scumbag until the end.” I won't be swayed by love anymore. It's my turn to abandon them first.

I’ll Live On As A Villainess

I reincarnated as the villainess in a book!

The one who dared to commit attempted murder on the heroine is the owner of this body?

Let's just live in a quiet place where we have fun and eat! That's what I thought for a while.

It was so, so, so cold here in the north, where I was kicked out as a punishment.

Before I froze to death, I called the Great Demon of Fire and set fire to the fireplace but...

Why isn't he going back? If you've done the job, shouldn't you go back?!

I was flustered to find out that I had signed a life contract with a demon just to start a fire but to think that I'd be responsible for relieving his desires!

The bickering romance between a big puppy demon and a small villainess lady!

It Looks Like I’Ve Fallen Into The World Of A Reverse Harem Game

When I opened my eyes, I was in a different world. I had become the game’s villainous princess who was feared by all. Not to mention… Completely naked men I didn’t even know were approaching me left and right! “Are you cold? Shall I warm you up with a hug?” “Oh? Have you not had enough yet?” Seriously, what’s up with this situation? And just how the hell am I going to get out of this freaking game?!

Father, I Don't Want to Get Married!

I’m Jubelian? The daughter of the duke and the villainess of this novel?

I managed to avoid my death with some previous knowledge about my life, as this was my second time at it. Now, I should be able to live a peaceful life!

“I’m not going to marry a man unless he has everything. I want the most wealthy, famous, and competent man there is.”

I dreamt of a glamorous life as the daughter of the duke, but my father tells me the Crown Prince who is known to be a lunatic is to be my husband! As an extraordinary measure, I couldn’t help but start a contract relationship. That is, with a handsome side character that looks better than the main one.

“Why are you trying to avoid being engaged to the prince?”

“He’s scary. I heard that he even kills his own entourage if he doesn’t like them.”

A few days later, the prince sent a terrible letter to me.

“I will not kill you.”

Oh no, did I set up another death trap for myself?

Like A Wind On A Dry Branch

"Hi, You."

Count Casarius fell victim to a plague and died suddenly, leaving behind a will stating that Rietta, his beautiful young widow of the manor, whom he tried to use as a concubine, be buried alive alongside him. Just before Rietta is buried, Archduke Axias, rumored to be a cruel tyrant, arrives at the funeral to collect the enormous debt Count Casarius still owes him.

“Everyone here seems to feel sorry for her, and I still have a debt to collect from Casarius… If I take her instead of debt, I think all of you here should be happy," he smiled.

"Hello, Temptress."

Everything was a Mistake

Roa Valrose reincarnated as villainess in the book. In order to avoid the fate of being burned at the stake, she approaches the hero, Nocton Edgar.

It hurts every time she gets closer to him. Nevertheless, for her survival, she does everything he wants her to do.

“Come again, Valrose.”

The mysterious Nocton unexpectedly sought her out every day.

Then one day, her friend for 10 years says something unknown to her.

“Actually, I have a dream. The Duke of Edgar is a terrible villain!”

He is not the hero, but the villain?

As soon as she realized that she had misinterpreted the role, she decided to get away from Nocton.

“Let’s not meet anymore.”

But the villain’s reaction was strange.

“Don’t go. You’ve always been special to me.”

She was suspicious of his sudden change of attitude.

Will she able to get rid of Nocton safely?

I Became the Tyrant's Secretary

I became the secretary of a tyrant in place of my clumsy brother to survive.

But I have so much potential for it. I’m so darn good at my job. Because I served the tyrant so well, ‘Everyone has a happy ending’.

Well then, shall I quit being a secretary and live a leisurely life now?

“Rosaline, tell me what you want.” He asked as he stepped down from his chair.

“I want to quit.”

His eyebrows twitched slightly.

“Do you want to die?”

Your highness, you never hold on to people who want to leave, so why’re you being like this to me?

Seduce the Villainess Father

After being in a bus crash, I woke up to the world of my favourite web novel.

Not only that, It was before the protagonists were born, to their parents’ world!

To stop the incoming multiple bad events.

I tried to prevent the kidnapping of the sister who is pregnant with the female lead!

But I got kidnapped instead?!

It's depressing to be kidnapped, but my body couldn't handle the mana and became a sunfish-like state

But... if I am next to the emperor who kidnapped me, my body becomes normal!

Right! The way to save that man from marrying a witch and getting killed by his son, and for someone who is vulnerable to mana such as myself to live, is for us to get married!

The Villains Savior

Set on a path to tragedy and misfortune from a young age, Aseph Randell is doomed to die a villain. That is, until the mysterious Elzay Tiathe appears in his life with a promise: "I can save you." After having vivid visions of him for so long, can Elzay untangle the twisted fate tied to Aseph... or will they both be dragged down together?

Contemporary Manhwa/Manga:

Night Crying Crow

This woman; who is she?

If something was action, it'd be action. If something was romance, it’d be romance. The A-list actor Cheon Woo Kang, who's great at every (genre), had his heart stolen away by an unknown woman who’d broken into his house!

“We'll meet again.~"

Woo Kang contracted an over imaginative illness as he drew the woman, whose name he didn't even know. In front of Woo Kang, she reappeared as the police officer Park Tae... Could the shadow of the crisis that appeared in front of them be a coincidence?

Raise wa Tanin ga Ii

Yoshino Somei would have been a normal high-schooler if not for the fact that she is the granddaughter of the leader of the Osaka-based Somei Group, the Kansai region's largest yakuza organization. One day, Yoshino hurries home after hearing of the news about the unification of Kansai and Kanto's biggest syndicates, the Somei and the Miyama groups. This, according to the article, will result in a marriage of the leaders' grandchildren—one of whom is Yoshino herself! Despite her best efforts to annul the arrangement, Yoshino has to go to Tokyo to visit her fiancé, Kirishima Miyama, who is unexpectedly nice and charming.

During their first meeting, Yoshino is swept up in various events and becomes unable to refuse moving to Tokyo, which is why, half a year later, she now lives with the Miyama group. At school, she soon realizes that Kirishima is very popular, so her relationship with him garners the hate of his fangirls and subsequently results in bullying. To make matters worse, Kirishima could not be further away from her prince charming since he, after all, was born to be a yakuza member.

Raise wa Tanin ga Ii follows Yoshino and her new life in Tokyo that is filled with nothing but troubles connected to the underworld. However, though she wishes to be as far from it as possible, this isn't Yoshino's first time dealing with the world of the Yakuza...

Positively Yours

To Hee-won’s dismay, the BFF she crushed on and her other BFF are now dating! Seriously bummed, Hee-won decides to go wild just one time, and find solace with a handsome stranger. A very satisfying one night affair has now turned into more — she’s pregnant! Fate brings them together again, and now the regimented Doo-joon is determined to do the right thing and marry her. But they’re basically strangers! Except... their bodies have been very intimately acquainted. What’s this mother-to-be to do?

True Beauty

After binge-watching beauty videos online, a shy comic book fan masters the art of makeup and sees her social standing skyrocket as she becomes her school’s prettiest pretty girl overnight. But will her elite status be short-lived? How long can she keep her real self a secret? And what about that cute boy who knows her secret?

Cheese In the Trap

Hong Sul is a ordinary college student. Yoo Jung is the school's most popular upperclass man. He's good looking, rich, smart, and even nice. However, Hong Sul thinks there's more to Yoo Jung than what meets the eye…

SPY x FAMILY

The master spy codenamed has spent his days on undercover missions, all for the dream of a better world. But one day, he receives a particularly difficult new order from command. For his mission, he must form a temporary family and start a new life?! A Spy/Action/Comedy about a one-of-a-kind family!

Doppio Senso (18+)

“What are you thinking about?”

“I’m thinking about a guy.”

KyungHyun stopped in the middle of a deep kiss and sighed. His lips began to form a smile, but his fierce glare said otherwise. Possessiveness and jealousy spread across his sculpted face.

“Will you tell me his name?”

His easygoing and languid voice reached her ears.

“Why?”

“So that I can shoot him down.”

[tobesolonely]

aura (II)

A/n: hi everyone! thank you for reading aura and enjoying it enough to ask for a part 2! i hope this lives up to what you guys want! Thanks so much <3 p.s. i am so sorry but I lost track of who asked to be on the taglist :-( So if u would like, please send me an ask and i will definitely add you next time i post about them!

summary: witch!y/n can see auras and harry is no longer blue. he’s pink!

my ko-fi! thank you :)

. ⋅ ˚̣- : ✧ : – ⭒ ⊹ ⭒ – : ✧ : -˚̣⋅ .

Harry always found Y/N to be a bit strange since his first encounter with her, but he never thought she was the type who could kill house plants with just the flick of her finger.

“What just happened?” Harry loudly questions, moving as far away from her as he could get. “How did you do that? What’s going on?” His aura is red and muddy gray. Anxiety, nervousness, and fear.

“How did I do what?” Y/N asks. She wasn’t willing to give herself up so easily.

“You killed my Pothos! I saw you,” Harry points at her accusingly. “Saw ya flick your finger and then it died. Do y’know how hard it is for that thing to die? I forget to water it all the time and it was still doin’ great!”

“Really? It didn’t look too great when I got here -”

“That’s not true,” Harry interrupts her. “You’re tryin’ to make me feel crazy! I know what I saw.”

It’s silent. Neither Y/N nor Harry says anything for what has to be at least half a minute. Y/N doesn’t know if she should tell the truth or try to convince Harry he didn’t see what he thought he saw, and Harry is too frightened to move. Finally, Y/N breaks the silence.

“Harry, it was your bad energy that killed your plant. I was just redirecting it because I didn’t wanna be stuck with it again.” Y/N nervously tugs on the hem of her shirt.

“What do you mean?” Harry inquires, moving slightly closer to her once more. He was still frightened, but quite curious about how Y/N would explain the situation at hand.

Y/N didn’t know what to say. If there was one thing she knew, it was that her… capabilities were not really supposed to be shared with anyone. Of course, they weren’t! It was a hard concept to understand. It was assumed that people who didn’t have this ability would ostracize those who did— potentially even hurt them.

She knew in her heart that Harry wasn’t the type to ever harm her, but her mother always told her she could never be too careful. Y/N lived by those words, always replaying them in her head whenever she wanted to open up to anyone about all that she could do. Harry looks at Y/N expectantly, waiting for her to speak. She seems far away, lost in some thought that Harry didn’t want to break her from.

“Ever since I was little, I’ve always been a really empathetic person,” she starts. “It seemed like I always knew the right things to say to help someone feel better, and I could always cheer them up. My saying this isn’t to brag at all, it was just how it was.” Harry smiles at this but doesn’t say anything, waiting for her to continue.

“I realized something was different about me when my friend came to school one day really sad because her fish had died that morning,” Y/N inhales softly. “Of course I felt for her, you know? Like I said, I was a very empathetic person. When I went in to give her a hug though, I felt so weird immediately after! She was fine, though. It was like she didn’t even care anymore.”

“She just wasn’t sad about it anymore?”

“She missed her fish still, of course. She was just able to reflect on how happy having a pet fish made her and all the good times she had with him. I felt terrible, though. I literally had taken on her pain just from hugging her.”

As Harry takes in what she’s saying, it all starts to make sense to him.

The second time he met her, she was so adamant about knowing what was wrong with him. Harry thought he only felt better because he had talked to her about it instead of holding it in as he usually did (and that could’ve been part of the reason!), but she had also touched him.

It had happened so quickly, Harry didn’t even think anything of it. And why would he? It was nothing more than a gentle touch, gone as quickly as it was there. Now that he knew what he did, it all made sense.

“Can I ask you something, Y/N?”

“You can ask me anything, Harry.”

“How do you always know when I’m not feelin’ well? Jus’ by looking at me?”

“Well,” Y/N starts, a bit hesitant. “I can see it. Your aura.”

“My aura?”

“Your spiritual energy— it has colors.”

“What color am I right now?”

“Red and gray. You’re scared and nervous.” Y/N responds quickly. She’s right.

“How can you see it?”

“I’m not sure. I started becoming able to see auras once I learned I was able to take away people’s emotional pain…” Y/N trails off. “I know it’s odd.”

“Can you… show me?”

“You want me to show you? Show you what?”

“The thing you jus’ did.”

“It only works when you have bad energy.”

Harry raises an eyebrow at Y/N in confusion. “Thought you said I was scared and nervous?”

“Well,” Y/N hesitates. “Now you’re… uh, pink.”

“Pink?”

“You’re feeling love.”

Harry feels his cheeks flush as he quickly looks away, hating in that moment that Y/N could literally see what he was feeling. If that was really the case, how much longer would he be able to fight with himself about how he felt about her if even she knew his true feelings?  

He’s saved by the sound of his doorbell ringing, figuring it was his assistant dropping off lunch for him and Y/N. “Be right back.” He says quietly, getting up from the couch, still avoiding eye contact with Y/N.

Now it’s Y/N’s turn to be confused.

She was beginning to notice that Harry turned pink around her quite often— literally. Not only would his skin flush at her presence, but his aura would change too. Y/N decided to tell herself there was no way it could mean anything. Of course it meant nothing! She just met this man. His feelings (or lack of) for her meant nothing. Y/N was just glad Harry couldn’t read her aura in the same way she could read his.

If he could, he would see she was always pink, too.

. ⋅ ˚̣- : ✧ : – ⭒ ⊹ ⭒ – : ✧ : -˚̣⋅ .

Harry couldn’t stop thinking about Y/N.

She was magical. Literally.

After she had left that evening, Harry spent more time than he would like to admit researching auras and empathy. He learned there was a range of colors one's auras could be at any given time, and it was always subject to change. Harry figured that if he could see Y/N’s aura, it would always be shining gold.

Y/N didn’t explicitly tell Harry not to tell anyone about this, but he knew it was something he should keep to himself. He wanted her to trust him and know she was safe around him. Telling anyone what he assumed to be her biggest secret would do nothing but push her away from him— and that was the last thing Harry wanted.

He needed to hear her sweet voice again.

Harry didn’t want Y/N to think he was obsessed with her, but the cat was already out the bag. She could literally see that he had feelings for her. The way Harry saw things, this meant he could lean into his small crush on Y/N now rather than try and deny it. He just hoped she wouldn’t find him bothersome.

When she picks up his call after the third ring, Harry swears his heart just about beats out of his chest.

”Hi Harry. How are you?”

It takes him a moment to compose himself. “H- hi Y/N. Doin’ better, thanks for askin’... I was thinking of you.”

“Really?”

“Mhm,” Harry hums. “S’why I called. What are you up to today?”

“Nothing, really. Just at work.”

Oh. Work.

Y/N was so celestial, heavenly that Harry had forgotten she at her core a regular person who still had to work to pay their bills, just like everyone else. Just like him.

“I don’t mean to bother you while you’re busy. I’ll let you go.” Harry offers this as a courtesy, but he’s hoping Y/N will say he’s not a bother at all and she’s happy to talk to him.

“I think that would work out a bit better. I’ll talk to you as soon as I can. Bye, Harry!”

Harry is met with three short beeps that signify the call has ended.

. ⋅ ˚̣- : ✧ : – ⭒ ⊹ ⭒ – : ✧ : -˚̣⋅ .

Y/N couldn’t stop thinking about Harry.

He called her first! It made her heart flutter to know he was thinking of her. She’s glad he doesn’t know she was thinking about him as well.

It was nice to hear from him. Truth be told, Y/N was always worried about Harry. She worried that he wasn’t sleeping enough, eating enough, or telling people ‘yes’ when he should really be saying ‘no’. She worried he was unhappy. All she wanted was for him to be happy. Although Y/N couldn’t physically see him over the phone, she knew he was doing well today.

Y/N couldn’t say she wasn’t surprised to see Harry’s number flash across her phone. She thought that surely after telling him what she did he would want nothing to do with her. She was glad that he didn’t scare away easily, and that just made her feel even more warmth inside of her body. Y/N looked around the workroom filled with her other co-workers and she hoped there was no one else like her in the building lest they see how pink she was. She was absolutely smitten!

“Y/N, are you with us? What do you think?”

Y/N is broken out of her thoughts by her boss with the call of her name. In her Harry-haze she had completely zoned out, forgetting she was in the middle of an important work meeting.

“I’m very sorry. My mind was somewhere else for a moment,” she turns to face her boss, eyes wonder-filled.  “Would you mind repeating the question?” Y/N sees her boss briefly turn from red to pink and back to yellow before he repeats himself, clearing his throat.

Y/N smirks to herself. Men were too easy.

. ⋅ ˚̣- : ✧ : – ⭒ ⊹ ⭒ – : ✧ : -˚̣⋅ .

“What’s got you so smiley?”

Harry jumps slightly, redirecting his attention to his manager. “Whatdya mean?”

“Been smiling and strumming your guitar for ten minutes straight,” Jeff narrows his eyes at Harry. “Are you thinking of that girl again?”

“Y/N,” Harry corrects him immediately. “What are you gonna do if I am?”

“Tell you to snap out of it, man. She’s got you this distracted already and she doesn’t even know you have a crush on her?”

Harry wants to tell him that she does even though he’s not explicitly stated it, but then that would lead to a conversation that wasn’t his to have. So he changes the subject—slightly.

“What do think about me inviting Y/N to the studio? You’ll finally be able to put a face to the name,” Harry adds once he sees the look his manager gives him every time he’s about to tell him no. “I trust her. I jus’ want her opinion on a few things. I know she won’t leak anything.”

“I’m not sure if that’s your greatest idea…” Jeff trails off giving Harry one of his infamous looks of doubt.

“I wouldn’t even be suggesting this if I didn’t trust her with everything in me. ‘Ve never suggested this any other time, have I?”

Jeff gives Harry a pointed look, although he can’t argue with that.

“Fine, invite her. She’s signing papers though…”

Jeff’s voice is nothing more than background noise as he dials Y/N’s number, which he embarrassingly already knows by heart.

. ⋅ ˚̣- : ✧ : – ⭒ ⊹ ⭒ – : ✧ : -˚̣⋅ .

When Harry comes out of the large, wooden double-doors to meet Y/N, he’s glowing. He’s a flash of dazzling gold and pink, his aura not being able to just land on one. Y/N is flattered that he still turns pink when he sees her, and relieved to see him so happy. So relaxed.

“So glad you could make it,” Harry tells Y/N, pulling her in for a tight hug. “My manager had a fit when I told him you were comin’, he’s jus’ very protective of me and my music. Don’t take it personally.”

“I understand,” Y/N tells him honestly. “I don’t blame your manager for not being too keen on me crashing in on one of your sessions. I could leave my phone in the car if that would make you both feel better?”

Y/N made things so easy. She was perfect in Harry’s eyes.

“I trust you completely. It might make my manager feel a bit better though…” Harry trails off, feeling sheepish. Y/N nods and unlocks her car without saying anything, retrieving her phone from her purse and hiding it away in her glove compartment.

“There. Just me and my ears now.” She lets out the sweetest giggle Harry’s ever heard, and he swears he could melt.

“Follow me, then.”

Harry makes his way back inside the studio but feels weird with Y/N trailing so closely behind him, not speaking or physically touching him. He stops and turns to face her, reluctantly reaching his hand out for her to grab. She looks at him for a moment, analyzing his energy before shakily intertwining her finger with his. Harry glows pink—so much so that he was nearly shining red. Y/N was having a difficult time differentiating between the glow of his aura and the glow of his cheeks.

He continues walking down the hall, now feeling like he was on top of the world because he had the most beautiful girl in the universe’s hand in his. Harry was ready to get to work. She was his new biggest inspiration.

Y/N’s having the greatest time watching Harry’s colors. He’s so happy and full of love! The fact that Harry was in such good spirits possibly because of Y/N made her feel like she was floating on a cloud.

Harry feels Y/N’s hesitation to enter the room that now holds not only Jeff but Mitch as well. She pulls back slightly on his hand, hiding timidly behind his broad shoulders. “What’s wrong?” He asks quietly, turning to face her.

“I don’t think they’re happy to see me…” Y/N trails off.

“How do you know?” Harry asks habitually before he realizes who he’s talking to. He knows how she knows. He internally cringes at his question.

“They’re both red,” she shifts from foot to foot. “I can leave. I don’t want to cause any problems—”

“No!” Harry says a bit too loudly. Jeff and Mitch turn to look in their direction, finally aware of their presence. Harry blushes, speaking a bit more quietly. “Sorry. Jus’... don’t leave. I promise they’re not mad that you’re here. They’re just a bit nervous because you’re new and they’ve never met you before. I’ll tell ‘em you left your phone in the car though and it’ll all be good. Yeah?”

Y/N nods, not completely certain Harry could get these men to warm up to her just because he said so. He tilts her chin up so she’s looking in his eyes, and he gives her a warm smile.

“Hey… what color am I?”

Y/N swallows thickly before answering. “You’re yellow… and pink.”

“See? ‘M not red. It’s all good, darling. Believe me when I say that.”

Y/N’s heart beats faster at the pet name and she just hopes Harry can’t hear it. She gives him a forced smile before grabbing his hand again and following him inside of the small room.

“Jeff, Mitch,” Harry starts, swinging Y/N’s hand in his. “This is Y/N.”

“It’s so nice to finally meet you,” Jeff says. Harry shoots him a look, silently pleading him to not say anything that’ll embarrass him. Luckily for Harry, Jeff catches onto this and keeps his introduction simple. “I’m Jeff, Harry’s manager.”

“Hi,” Y/N responds. Harry’s heart-strings feel like they’re being tugged at when he hears how quiet Y/N has become. “I left my phone in the car.” Jeff shoots Harry a surprised looked to which Harry gives a small nod in confirmation. Jeff hums, satisfied.

“We’re glad you could join us. I’m not sure if you have any experience in music, but it’ll be nice to get a fresh opinion on some things.”

Mitch gives Y/N a small nod and a smile, and Harry feels her grip on his hand tighten. “Don’t worry. Mitch is just shy.” Harry quietly reassures her. She loosens her grip on his hand slightly, feeling a bit more at ease.

“Where should I sit?”

“Y’can sit on that couch over there. Can I get you anything to drink? Have you ate, I can order food if you haven’t?”

Harry and Y/N are in their own world, only focused on each other. This doesn’t go unnoticed to Jeff or Mitch, and they share knowing looks behind the pair’s backs.

“What do you guys want to eat? Y/N hasn’t eaten yet,” Harry says, already searching for his text thread with his assistant. “Sushi? Mexican?”

“Whatever Y/N wants,” Mitch says, strumming a few random chords on his guitar. “Anything’s fine with me.”

Harry’s satisfied with this answer, just wanting to give all his attention back to Y/N. “Whatdya want to eat, love?”

“Do you all like veggie pizza?”

“Eh–”

Harry shoots Jeff a look that tells him not to disagree with her, so Jeff looks down and acts preoccupied with his phone. “That sounds really good, Y/N. I’ll order that.”

Harry actually hated veggie pizza. He hoped Y/N couldn’t tell.

. ⋅ ˚̣- : ✧ : – ⭒ ⊹ ⭒ – : ✧ : -˚̣⋅ .

”I just miss your accent and your friends…”

Harry was blue and Y/N hated it.

She knew he was pulling from old memories for his songs, but she hated when he was upset. Y/N was in a trance, though. Harry’s voice was beautiful. His songs pulled her in like magic. They were captivating, and so, so beautiful.

Y/N was enjoying being in the recording studio. She never had any experience like it, and it was interesting to see all the hard work that went into making just one song.

”Don’t you call him “baby”, we’re not talking lately,” Harry sings into his microphone sadly, licking his lips during the pause. “Don’t you call him what you used to call me…”

Y/N just wanted to go into the recording booth and hug Harry, take his pain away. She knew now wasn’t the time nor place for that, though. She’d check on him later.

“That’s good,” Jeff says, giving Harry a thumbs up. Harry gives him one back and takes his clunky earphones off, setting them beside his feet.

“How was that?” Harry asks Y/N as soon as he’s out of the recording booth. The musician in him knew it wasn’t bad, but he still wanted her praise.

“Very beautiful! Are you okay?” She gives Harry one of those knowing looks he’s growing to love. He shrugs, leaning down to speak quietly to her.

“Singin’ about someone who used to be very special to me,” he says, glancing down at his Vans-clad feet. “I’m okay, though. Don’t worry about me.”

Y/N wanted to tell Harry she always worried about him. She wanted to scream it in his face so he understood how much she cared for his well-being. She does neither of the two. “Okay, Harry. I’m just checking.”

Harry loved that she was “just checking”. He wanted to tell Y/N that he never wanted her to stop caring for him, as he would never stop caring for her. He does neither of the two. “Thank you for checking, Y/N.”

Unbeknownst to them, they were both falling deeper for each other.

. ⋅ ˚̣- : ✧ : – ⭒ ⊹ ⭒ – : ✧ : -˚̣⋅ .

“Y/N, are we gonna watch our movie tonight, or are you busy?” Y/N’s roommate, Amalia, peaks her head into her bedroom. Y/N was busy hanging upside down on her bed. Texting Harry.

“What? Oh, is it Friday? Let me just take off my makeup... “ Y/N locks her phone and slowly sits up, taking care not to smush her sleeping kitty who was currently snoring beside her.

“Who were you texting? You’ve been on your phone a lot more than usual lately,” Amalia notes, coming completely into Y/N’s room. “A boy?”

Y/N feels her body heat up at her roommate’s observation. “Maybe…”

“Y/N! You’ve gotta tell me! Who is he, is he cute?” Her roommate makes herself comfortable on Y/N’s bed, folding her legs beneath her. Sapphire startles slightly but quickly falls back asleep, curling her tail closer to her.

“You might know him,” Y/N begins. She and Harry never had a conversation about telling others about their association with others. She trusted her roommate, but she wasn’t sure if he would appreciate it. She decides she’ll just call him. “I’ll actually just call him. Hopefully, he’s not busy.”

Amalia finds it odd that Y/N would rather call this man than just tell her about him, but she says nothing, of course. She was used to her roommate’s behavior. She was different, and that’s why she loved her so much!

“Can you FaceTime him? I wanna see what he looks like,” Amalia claps her hands together out of excitement, feeling anticipation bubble in her stomach. She was hoping her roommate finally found someone for her so they could join her and her boyfriend on double dates and couples game nights.

“FaceTime him?” Y/N had never done that before. She and Harry always just spoke on the phone, and lately, they had gotten into texting. She hoped he wouldn’t mind. “Yeah, I can do that.”

Y/N pulls up the app on her phone and types in Harry’s contact name (which was ‘Harry’ with three pink hearts, which she would never tell him!) and bites her lip as she waits for him to answer. As an afterthought, she reaches for her earphones and connects them to her phone just in case her roommate recognizes his voice. After all, everyone on the planet knew who Harry was except for Y/N. He answers almost immediately, a dimpled smile on his face and a beautiful pink light surrounding him.

“Was jus’ thinking of you. Are we in sync? I swear I was about to call you,” Harry tells her, not being able to stop his toothy grin. “Is everything okay?”

“Well,” Y/N feels nervous. His gaze is still as intense and attentive, even though a phone screen. “I’m just hanging out with my roommate and she noticed I’ve been smiling at my phone a lot—”

“A very observant roommate.”

“Yeah, and she wanted to know if I was texting a boy. I didn’t know if it was okay to say anything but she’s beside me so do you want to say hi? It’s okay if you don’t want to, and I’m sorry if you’re busy right now…”

Harry’s gaze visibly softens. “Why wouldn’t it be okay?”

“You know why.”

Harry hums. “I’d love to meet your roommate. Go ahead and give her the phone.”

Y/N examines Harry for a moment, trying to determine if he’s telling the truth. His aura is slightly tinged red but it’s mainly yellow, making him glow the color of a sunset. He was probably a bit anxious, but he was happy. That was most important to Y/N. Amalia is sitting at the end of Y/N’s bed quietly, scratching Sapphire’s head while she waits. She watches as Y/N unplugs her earphones from her phone and wordlessly hands it to her.

Amalia’s mouth drops.

“Hi, it’s very nice to meet you. I’m Harry.”

Amalia’s entire body feels tingly.

“H- hi. Uh, I’m Amalia. Y/N’s roommate,” she looks up at Y/N, eyes wide. “It’s… wow. I’m sorry, I kinda don’t know what to say right now. I’m such a big fan of yours!”

Y/N hears Harry’s beautiful laugh and she smiles. It was his shy laugh. He was flattered. Maybe a bit flustered.

“That’s very, very nice of you. Thank you for the support.”

“Are you and Y/N dating? I can’t believe she didn’t tell me!” Amalia gives Y/N an accusatory scowl and she feels her body heat up at her roommate’s words.

“Not at the moment, but I’m working on it,” Harry tells her. Y/N doesn’t need to see him to know he’s pink. “I think she was jus’ tryin’ to protect my privacy. Which I appreciate, of course. But a friend of Y/N is a friend of mine! She has good judgment.”

Y/N can’t believe Harry’s “working on it”. He cares for her much more than she had initially thought, and Y/N just hopes he knows how much she cares for him as well. Even if she doesn’t say it.

“I’m gonna give the phone back to Y/N before I say something to embarrass myself, but it was really nice to meet you!” Amalia shakily hands the phone back to Y/N as Harry is telling her it was nice to meet her too.

Y/N is happy to see his face again. He immediately turns pink once he sees her again, a light blush tinging his cheeks. “She’s very nice. We should all go out to brunch one afternoon, how’s that sound?” Y/N nods, glancing at her roommate who currently looked like she was on the verge of fainting, bright pink just as Harry was. She was infatuated.

“Amalia’s amazing,” Y/N replies. “I was just calling to say hi, but I’m glad to see you’re doing good. I’ll talk to you later?” A deep indigo color slowly surrounds Harry at the prospect of Y/N ending the call, making Y/N frown. “I’ll see you tomorrow? Friday’s are our movie nights…”

“Oh!” Harry turns yellow again. “I didn’t mean to keep you from that. I’d like that, though. Lunch tomorrow?”

“And the studio?” Y/N asks, used to their routine. Harry shakes his head.

“Was thinking we do something else. Get out of there for the afternoon? ‘M sure you get bored jus’ watchin’ me sing all day. The last thing I want is for you to be bored.”

Y/N nearly laughed out loud. She was never bored when she was with Harry. She could simply sit and watch the grass grow with him, and she’d still be thoroughly entertained.

“I don’t want you to fall behind because of me.”

“S’my album. I can take a day off, darling. Hey–– can ya look at me?” Y/N knows Harry is asking her to examine what color he is. She nods after a moment.

“Okay, Harry. I can’t wait to see you tomorrow,” she takes a thoughtful pause as she usually does. “Have a good night.”

“I’ll be counting down the minutes. You too, Y/N.” The call disconnects. Y/N feels her heart about to beat out of her chest. Counting down the minutes.

She was counting down the minutes, too.

. ⋅ ˚̣- : ✧ : – ⭒ ⊹ ⭒ – : ✧ : -˚̣⋅ .

Harry was nervous to see Y/N. He hadn’t been alone with her since the day at his house when she came over to keep him company while he was sick. Their relationship was progressing quicker than anticipated, but neither of the two had any complaints.

Per Harry’s request (or, after a ton of his begging) Y/N agreed to let Harry pick her up instead of driving separately and meeting up like they usually do. He was excited to finally know where Y/N lived. When he thought of any space Y/N cultivated, he imagined it to be a bit cluttered. Lots of paintings on the walls. Perhaps some personal photographs of friends and family.

When Harry approaches Y/N’s apartment complex, he isn’t surprised to see that she lives in one of the oldest-looking buildings he’s ever seen. He was sure that when he asked her about it later, she would tell him that old buildings had the most character or something along those lines. Harry parks in record time, albeit like a bit of an asshole, and grabs the bouquet of flowers he picked up on his way to her before hurrying out of his car. His sunglasses immediately go on and his beanie gets pulled low over his forehead in the off chance there was someone who could recognize him anywhere nearby.

“Four, eight, two, five,” Harry mutters Y/N’s gate code under his breath as he approaches it. “Four, eight, two, five…” He’s delighted when it works. Against Y/N’s wishes, he didn’t write it down when she told him, adamant about having the best memory in the world. He was glad he didn’t forget it and have to call her and ask for it again.

Harry has no difficulty at all finding her apartment. Just as she said, there were several potted plants surrounding the door and a plaque that read, ‘Welcome to our home!’. He smiled to himself. It was just so Y/N. He firmly knocks and takes a step back, tightly gripping the bouquet in his hands. The door flies open moments later and Harry is met with Y/N’s beautiful face. His nerves immediately dissipate.

“Hi, Harry–– oh! Those are beautiful!” She opens the door a bit wider. “Please, come in!”

Harry’s happy. She seems happy. Of course, he couldn’t know for sure in the way that he could, but Harry was quickly learning her mannerisms.

“Hi, darlin’. S’nice to see you,” he leans down to place a delicate kiss on her cheek. “You’re lookin’ as beautiful as ever.”

“I haven’t even gotten changed yet,” she replies dismissively, shutting the door. “I completely lost track of time. I was helping Amalia get ready for a date that she’s going on and it made me forget all about ours.”

Harry could die a happy man right now. Y/N just referred to their spending time together as a date!

“No apologizing,” Harry says sternly, handing the flowers to Y/N. “‘M not upset about it, am I? We’ve got all the time in the world.”

Y/N looks down shyly at the shabby rug beneath her feet. “Do you wanna help me pick out an outfit? I’m not too sure about what I should wear… I really think it would help if you actually told me where we were going.”

“Nice try,” Harry chuckles, following her through the apartment. It looked just as he pictured it would. “Already told you it’s a surprise.”

“I thought I would try again.”

Y/N’s room was incredible. There were plants everywhere even more than the ones surrounding her front door. Some were even hanging from the ceiling! Her walls were a pale yellow color. She had glow-in-the-dark stars and planets stuck to her ceiling, a ginormous rug that covered probably half of her wooden floor, and paintings taped haphazardly to the wall. It looked like she made them herself, too. They were lovely.

“Your room is amazing,” Harry tells her, flopping onto her bed while she digs around in her closet. Even though he had never been there before, he immediately feels comfortable. At home. “Where’s Sapphire?”

“Oh, she’s around here somewhere,” Y/N’s voice sounds a bit muffled from being in her closet. “She might be hiding. She doesn’t like men.”

“Did you tell her that I’m nice?”

Y/N turns to look at him, two shirts in her hand. “I can’t force her to like you, Harry. What do you think about these shirts?”

“I think you would look good in all of them,” Harry feels his heart rate pick up under her gaze. “You may get cold if you wear something sleeveless, though.”

Y/N says nothing in response, just stares at him. To anyone else, her staring may be weird, but Harry knew what she was doing. He stares back at her just as intensely, raising an eyebrow. Finally, she nods, turning her attention back to her closet.

“Should I wear something with long sleeves?”

Harry hums in response to her question. “I think that would be a good idea.”

Y/N turns to face him again, tugging at her oversized sleep shirt. “Do you think you can take down some shirts on the shelf for me? I don’t feel like going to get a chair all the way from the kitchen…”

“Of course I can,” Harry immediately gets up from his lying position on Y/N’s bed. “Which ones?”

“The ones in that corner,” Y/N replies, standing beside Harry. He never noticed how much shorter she was than him until she was asking him to reach things off the top-shelf for her. Harry loved it.

He reaches up with ease, grabbing a stack of neatly folded long-sleeves. In the process of pulling them down, a box comes falling off the shelf, hitting the floor with a loud clang! and the sound of broken glass. “Shit,” Harry mutters, bending down to reach for the box. “Sorry about tha’, pet–”

“Don’t touch that!” Y/N exclaims, pushing past Harry to grab the box before he does. Harry backs up, putting his hands up in the air like he was a criminal who’d just been caught.

“I didn’t touch it, I promise,” Harry quickly reassures her. “Why can’t I touch it? What is that?”

“Remember how I was telling you about bad energy?” Her voice drops to a whisper. Harry nods. “This is where I store everyone's bad energy whenever I get stuck with it. They’re in little viles, you know what I mean? Those little tubes?”

“Yeah.”

“I think the tubes broke when it fell… I can never open this box again because then the bad energy will get out and go back to their owner's body.”

Harry doesn’t say anything, trying to take in what Y/N just told him. It wasn’t the oddest thing he’s heard since he met her. “Is any of my bad energy in there?”

“Yes. Remember when we were at the Greek food place?”

Harry smiles at the memory. “How could I forget? I think that was the day that I knew I had to get to know ya. I was properly obsessed with the idea of runnin’ into you again for days.” Y/N looks away as she usually does when he gets her flustered but this time Harry moves closer to her, snaking his arms around her waist.

“Thank you for always makin’ sure ‘m happy, love,” Harry’s lips are dangerously close to hers, so close that she can smell the scent of mint on his breath. “You don’t even have to touch me to make me happy. Jus’ bein’ near you is enough.” Y/N lets out a shaky breath, not trusting her voice enough to do anything other than nod. Both of their hearts are about to beat out of their chests.

“I’d do anything to make you happy, Harry,” Y/N finally says, staring directly into his eyes. “You deserve all the happiness this life has to offer you.”

“Likewise,” Harry says, feeling intoxicated from standing so close to her. “Y/N, can I ask you something?”

“Of course.”

“Can I kiss you?”

Y/N gives Harry the biggest smile before standing on her tiptoes, smushing her lips against Harry’s. His eyes shut as he melts into the kiss, having to remind himself to stop smiling so he can properly kiss her back. Her lips are soft, and she tastes just as sweet as she actually is. His entire body tingles and his chest burns due to lack of oxygen, but he was determined not to break the kiss first. His stomach twisted from all the butterflies he had, but it was a feeling no one had made him feel in a long, long time.

Y/N’s the first one to break the kiss. She giggles as she rests her head against Harry’s chest, gasping slightly for air. “You’re a very good kisser.”

“You too.” Harry’s breathless. He doesn’t want to pull away from her so he settles on intaking short bursts of air.

“I’m gonna get changed before I decide to stand here and just kiss you all day,” Y/N tells him, finally breaking their contact. “Can you wait in the living room?”

“I wouldn’t hate that,” Harry says as he places a quick peck on her lips. “‘M gonna go put your flowers in something so they don’t die. Y’think Sapphire will come out of hiding and let me pet her since her mommy finally let me kiss her?”

. ⋅ ˚̣- : ✧ : – ⭒ ⊹ ⭒ – : ✧ : -˚̣⋅ .

“I thought we were getting lunch?”

Y/N had been sat in Harry’s passenger seat for slightly over an hour now, his hand hardly leaving hers the entire time. He was yellow for the most part (except when Y/N would speak he turned pink). Song after song played lowly over the stereo, but it was mainly just background noise–– neither one of them was really listening to it.

“We are.”

“Why are we driving so far?” 

“I wanna take you to a really nice spot. Is that okay?”

“Are we almost there?” She stares intensely at Harry and she knows he can feel her eyes on him. He flashes red for a moment causing Y/N to cock her head in confusion. “Why are you nervous?”

“I don’t want you to think our date is boring.”

“Why would I think it’s boring?”

“Have you ever been to Balboa Park? San Diego?” Harry tears his eyes from the road briefly to look at her and he’s relieved to see a look of excitement in her eyes.

“I’ve never been but from the pictures I’ve seen it looks sooo beautiful! Are we going there?” Her grip on his hand tightens slightly.

“Mhm,” Y/N sees Harry visibly relax. “Figure we could grab a bite after? Or before, depending on how hungry you are.”

“We should eat before! Are we allowed to eat in the park? We should have a picnic–– can we do that?” Y/N is talking a mile a minute, too excited to slow down. She turns in the passenger seat to face Harry fully, hand still in his. “We’re going to the gardens, right?” 

“We’re doin’ whatever you want, love. I have some things planned that I think you would like but nothing’s set in stone.”

Y/N loves the fact that Harry took it upon himself to plan out their day. She decides she would go along with whatever he had planned, seeing as he’s been there before and she hasn’t.

They arrive at the park approximately thirty minutes later and Y/N quickly unbuckles her seatbelt and lets herself out of the car before Harry can open the door for her himself. He laughs to himself at her excitement.

“Where are we going first?” Y/N reaches for Harry’s hand seemingly out of habit, not thinking twice before doing so. If she wasn’t busy looking around in awe, she’d see Harry looking down at their interlocked fingers with a big smile on his face.

“How ‘bout we get you something to eat first then go find a spot to have a lil’ picnic? The last time I was here I remember seein’ people eating under this ginormous tree–”

“Okay!” Y/N agrees cheerily, dragging Harry through the parking lot. She was leading the way even though she had no clue where she was going. “Wait, where are we going?”

“How about I lead the way?” Harry is a mixture of green and yellow. He was happy and enjoying the prospect of a nature-filled day.

“Harry, what’s your favorite part about nature?”

“What’s tha’?”

“I see that you like nature, so I just wanted to know what you liked the most about it,” Y/N replies, swinging their hands. 

“It’s calming. I think ‘ve written some of my best songs surrounded by trees and water and things like that. What do you like the most about nature?”

“It’s beautiful. Plants help us and we help them.”

Harry smiles in response to her answer but says nothing, walking her the rest of the way through the parking lot and to the entrance of the park. Once inside they set out on finding something to quickly fill their stomachs with, not wanting to waste too much time eating.

“How do sandwiches sound?” Harry asks, nodding his head in the direction of a sandwich shop. “Quick and easy, isn’t it?”

“Can we still eat them under the fig tree?”

“Whatever you’d like, darling. S’your world, ‘m just livin’ in it.” 

Even though he lets out a chuckle after saying that, Y/N knew he was being completely serious.

. ⋅ ˚̣- : ✧ : – ⭒ ⊹ ⭒ – : ✧ : -˚̣⋅ .

Harry could listen to Y/N talk all day. He never wanted to stop hearing her sweet voice. Y/N’s attention was fixated on the beautiful, blooming gardens–– but Harry was only fixated on her.

She pointed out nearly everything they saw, impressing Harry with her knowledge on plant names and pointless information on how to care for them. She asked Harry to stand in front of all her favorite plants so she could take a picture of him to “commemorate the day” and Harry was more than willing to do so. Anything to keep a smile on her face. Y/N had grown tired of carrying her purse over her shoulder about an hour back and Harry even offered to wear it for her so she wouldn’t have a sore shoulder the next morning.

They decided to call it quits once the sun started setting, walking hand in hand quietly back to Harry’s car. He opens the door for her and checks to make sure she’s all the way in before slamming it shut and walking around to his side. He immediately reaches for her hand again, loving the way it felt in his way too much to not hold it at all times.

“Did you have a good time today?” Harry asks, looking at Y/N’s face in the dim light. She nods sheepishly, looking down at the hands.

“I had an amazing time. I can’t believe you drove all the way out here just for me,” she traces her fingers over one of Harry’s rings. “Thank you for today.”

“How many times have I gotta tell ya I’d do anything for you?” Harry questions, leaning over the center console to be closer to her. “Loved seein’ that beautiful smile on your face today. Made me happy.”

“You’re just saying that…”

“Oh, come off it,” Harry jokes, kissing her cheek before leaning back over to start his car. “Know you saw how happy I was the whole day. S’all because of you.”

Out of the corner of his eye, Harry sees Y/N lean over as he previously was so her face is close to his. She gently places the hand that was holding Harry’s on his face and turns his head so he’s fully facing her, licking her lips before she connects them with his. Harry melts into the kiss as he did earlier, feeling as if time stopped when their lips were pressed together. It was the most gentle, loving kiss Harry ever shared with another person.

He could get used to this.

. ⋅ ˚̣- : ✧ : – ⭒ ⊹ ⭒ – : ✧ : -˚̣⋅ .

please let me know what you thought!

[dubersbutt]

4 Times Leon Joined You and Connor

+ 1 Time He Stayed

Summary: How you, Leon and Connor became a thing

Warnings: smut (oral (female receiving, male receiving, penetrative sex), mlm sex (blowjobs)), sexuality crises (sexuality procrastination)

1) The “Accidents”

Leon gets your text message a second too late. The notification with your name and “DON'T OPEN MY SNAP” hanging above the picture of your scantily clad torso, matching royal purple set, the deep colour complimenting your tan skin. Leon is torn between wanting to be respectful and wanting to keep the picture open until he can get himself off. But, he’s a good dude so he does not do the latter. Instead, he closes the snap and texts you back

Leon: Whoops. I didn’t get your message until after I opened it

You: Ugh. I’m sorry, your name is right under Connor’s and my finger slipped.

Leon: Aren’t you supposed to be at school.

You: Stats are boring. I was trying to bother my boyfriend.

Leon: Pay attention in class, (Y/N).

You: 🙄

You: You can keep the picture btw. I know I look good

You: No face, no case

Leon doesn’t keep it but, his finger hovers over the replay button for far too long.

~~~

Leon’s furnace craps out on him halfway into the season, and Alberta winters without heaters isn’t very enjoyable so he temporarily moves in with Connor, the day of the charity gala. Leon has a good time for the most part. Except -

He can’t get that fucking picture out of his head. And your dress hugs you in all the right places and he really hopes that neither you or Connor notice that how often he looks over at you. Connor has to rub elbows with the rich donor more than Leon does, so he keeps you company in between rounds. The two of you keep yourselves entertained by comping up with potential conversations for the other people in the room.

“Leon wait,” you say, clutching his arm and Leon feels his heart skip a beat, “That girl is his daughter, not his sugar baby.”

“No,” Leon was convinced, they were sitting way too close if that were true, “How do you know?”

You point to an older lady that’s approaching the table. She leans down to give the man a quick kiss and Leon’s about to propose a potential mistress until he realizes the girl looks like a younger version of the older woman.

“Shit,” he says and you look at him with wide eyes, “We’re going to hell.”

“We totally deserve it too.”

An hour later, Leon is excusing himself from a conversation with Klefbom and an older lady. She hardly notices, her attention has been focused on Oscar the whole time. Oscar tries to get him to stay but Leon thinks her not-so-subtle flirtation is hilarious.

He laughs when he gets the “I’m gonna fucking kill you” text from Oscar on the way to the bathroom.

Leon: I don’t like being the third wheel

Leon: Make sure she’s not married, klef. You’d be a terrible mistress

Oscar: I would be the best mistress in the history of mistresses.

When Leon opens the door to the bathroom he’s met with the sound of moans. He supposes he should have shut the door right then and there but he opens it all the way without realizing. He’s met with the sight of Connor fucking you on the sink. Your nails are digging into his back as Connor fucks you. He’s frozen for a moment, can’t remember how to move his limbs until you meet his eyes. He’s fairly certain you smile at him but he’s also convinced he imagined it. He replays your moans and tiny whimpers in his head.

He’s not even surprised when he wakes up the next morning and the girl next to him looks a little like you when he squints.

~~~

A week later he’s coming home from a run, the weather had warmed up enough for a short 15 minute jog before he had to pack for the California road trip. He lets himself in through Connor’s garage door, taking off his snowy boots in the mudroom. He takes his earbuds out, pocketing them when he hears -

“I - fuck, don’t tease me.”

Not again.

Now, Leon is kind of annoyed. He texted Connor that he was on his way home, had given him ample time to move to his bedroom. And Leon has to pass the living room to get to the guest room.

“You’re such a brat,” he hears Connor say and the next thing that comes out of his mouth is a loud groan.

Leon has to start packing, they need to be at the airport in an hour. He tries to make his appearance quick and minimal but he meets Connor’s eyes. He mouths, sorry as he picks up the pace, but Connor doesn’t seem to mind. His face is flushed, and his chest is rising and falling quickly. Connor winks at him. Winks.

When he finally makes it to his room he slumps against the walk, leaving the door open a crack so he can hear Connor’s moans. He can’t help it anymore, he pulls the waistband of his pants down, gripping his dick. He has to bite down on his hand to keep his moans at bay. He cums in unison with Connor, using his moans to guide him to finish.

He stands there for a moment, hands sticky with cum listening to Connor praise you through the crack in the door.

~~~

Leon doesn’t make a habit of picking up men during the season. You can never know who's secretly a hockey fan wanting to sell Leon’s bisexuality to the tabloids. Hell, only like 4 people on the team knew. But Anaheim doesn’t have a huge hockey presence so he takes a chance. He gets out of team movie night under the guise of an upset stomach.

Instead, he Ubers to the nearest gay bar. The place is pretty packed when he gets there. He orders a drink and notices a floppy haired blond guy across from him. He’s a little too scrawny to pass as Connor, but Leon’s not asking for perfection. He asks the bartender to send over another of whatever he’s having before he makes his way over to him. Not-Connor’s name is Josh, and they hit off right away.

Soon, Leon’s pushing not-Connor up against the bathroom wall, grinding against him. Not-Connor gets down on his knees and sucks Leon off. It doesn’t take long until Leon’s shooting down his throat with a hand in his thick hair. He starts to get down so he can reciprocate, his jaw is gonna kill him tomorrow but he’s not an asshole, when not-Connor stops him.

“If you want, we can go to mine and you can fuck me,” he says, biting his lip.

Leon’s already forgotten his name, but he says yes anyway.

Not Connor is really fucking flexible, letting Leon hook his legs over his shoulders when he fucks him in missionary. They stop for a quick snack in the kitchen before Leon bends him over the counter and fucks him until tears form in the corner of his eyes.

Leon’s half an hour late for curfew, but no one says anything to him.

2) The Vacation

Don’t get him wrong, Leon is always honoured to be invited to All-Star weekend. However, if he had the choice of being interviewed for two days straight or sitting on a beach in california for a week, he probably wouldn’t put too much though into his decision.

But, he still had 4 days of vacation in Palm Springs with the team before he and Connor had to leave early. Connor had asked him if he wanted to split the cost of the penthouse suite, and because Leon’s room was on the other side of suite as yours and Connor’s room, he said yes.

They left for California as soon as their last game ended, leaving them too tired to party the first night, choosing to order room service instead. Leon gets a plate of honey garlic chicken wings, 12 of them to himself, spaghetti, and a slice of cheesecake because, fuck it, he’s on vacation.

When it arrives, he snatches the plate of wings before Connor could take one, he had a bad habit of saying he didn’t want stuff and then asking for a few bites. Normally, Leon doesn’t care but he’s been craving wings for weeks. Why did he choose the career with the strict diet regimen?

“You’re really not gonna share?” Connor asks, eyebrow raised.

“Nope,” he replies, popping the ‘p’ and sinking his teeth into his second one.

“You have 12!”

“No one was stopping you from ordering your own.”

Leon feels your eyes on him. He assumes it's because he’s foregone any and all manners. The sticky sauce on the wings coat his fingers, he can feel it in his beard but he does not care because they’re so good. He doesn’t care that he’s gone full barbarian-

“Leon do you want to have a threesome with us?” you ask and Leon chokes on a piece of chicken.

“What?” He nearly drops his wing, “Right now?”

Connor’s groans and runs a hand through his hair in exasperation, “This is not how we said we would ask him.”

“I’m sorry. I can’t explain it,” you giggle and gesture at how he’s hunched over his wings, “but this is doing it for me?”

“Really?” Leon asks incredulously and Connor looks at you in disbelief.

“I wish I could say it didn’t.”

Leon squints at you and Connor, “You’re serious about this?”

“Yeah,” You both respond.

“We’ve been discussing adding a third,” Connor asks, “We were going to ask when you weren’t beasting a plate of wings - I admire your ability to eat during a conversation, by the way - but someone can’t keep it in their pants.”

You shrug, taking a bite from your burger.

Leon contemplates it, eating his 8th wing in the meantime.

“Sure,” he says, starting his 9th, “But not tonight. I don’t feel sexy after I eat spaghetti.”

You laugh, “Leon, if you had to choose between only sex or only food which would it be?”

“Food,” he says with no hesitation, or regrets.

~~~

The next day Leon spends baking in the sun. Everybody had decided to spend the day in the attached private pool in the suit. He chirps Connor when his skin starts to burn about an hour into the day and pokes at his red shoulder when he joins Connor under the umbrella.

By the end of the day Leon is pleasantly tipsy, saying goodbye to the team as he lounges on the couch. When the door shuts, you settle yourself in his lap. Your skin is warm from the heat.

Your sheer white swimsuit coverup has been driving Leon insane for the past two hours the team has been in the suite. Although, seeing you in your bikini, watching the water glint off your tan skin as Connor splashed you with the water, was far worse.

“Hi,” you hum, leaning in, “You still down for this?”

“Of course.”

You kiss him, letting out a groan as you do so. Leon rests his hands on your thighs, and when you don’t rebuke him he slides them up, dragging your cover up with him. His fingers toy with the band of your suit bottoms. He pulls away from your mouth, instead kissing along your jaw, scraping his beard against your skin gently. Normally, he wouldn’t be so bold, but, when you first started dating Connor, he told Leon that he started to grow his beard out because you enjoyed the scratch on your skin. He pays attention to the places that draw tiny gasps or moans from you, noting them for later.

“I should have known that the two most impatient people in my life wouldn’t wait for me,” Connor says, holding your jaw to kiss you. Leon doesn’t miss the way your body goes limp against him when Connor’s fingers tighten ever so slightly.

“I wouldn’t have pegged you as a sub,” Leon hums, pulling your cover up all the way over your head. “She’s not,” Connor interjects, helping Leon with his task, “She’s a brat, but she’s pretty.”

“You’re mean,” you respond, “Should we move to the bedroom?”

Connor pulls you up, off his lap. Leon thinks that he’s just going to lead you, but Connor picks you up. You pull him closer with your legs, grunting as Connor settles you and starts walking to the master bedroom. Leon has to stop himself running after you.

Leon takes two minutes to get there, stopping for a quick glass of water. Two minutes is all it takes for Connor to fuck you from behing. Leon takes a minute, scanning his eyes over the two of you. Connor looks over and winks at him and Leon gets that same pang in his heart again. He stops, and you let out a whine in protest, pushing your hips back against him.

“Take her mouth,” Connor says, nodding towards the empty spot on the bed.

“For the record, I’m not thrilled that you’re bossing me around,” he says but obliges, pulling his swim shorts off on the way there.

He gives himself a few pumps before you reach over and take over, “You can put your hand in my hair,” you say, before you wrap your lips around the tip.

Connor’s hand slides along your spine, lightly dragging his nails as you start to bob your head, taking Leon deeper each time.

“Should we link arms in true Eiffel Towel fashion?”

~~~

Leon thought it was going to be a one-time thing, but the next morning he wakes up with your throat on his dick, and he can hear the shower running. By the time Connor’s back in the room, you’re cuming on Leon’s cock as he spills into the condom.

“You asshats,” Connor says, water dripping down abs, “I leave for five minutes.”

“You take the longest showers known to man, Con,” you tease, accepting his kiss.

That day the team planned on going to go sightseeing, but Leon makes the excuse of finding a girl at the hotel bar last night. Connor says that the two of you are going to take advantage of the empty penthouse. And you do. The next day, during the team hike, the three of you lag behind the rest, too exhausted to keep up.

~~~

Leon thinks that when they land in San Jose for the All Star game, that it’s the end, and he’s almost sad about it. But at the end, Connor and him get the same snap. You lifting up your McDavid jersey to reveal a lacey, navy blue bodysuit. The V dips tantalizingly low, Leon wants to lick the exposed skin and feel your body squirm against his as he teases you. He and Connor change faster than Leon thought was possible, and soon he’s upstairs in yours and Connors room. Connor fucks you first, not giving you quite enough to cum as he finishes, filling you. As Leon’s rolling on the condom, Connor’s whispering in his ear - don’t let her cum.

So Leon fucks you  slowly. Holding both of your hands in one of his palms, he takes his time. His thrusts are rhythmic, as he grinds into you, watching your face contort. He rubs your clit, feeling the way you clench around him. He pushes you to the edge and waits  before pulling out entirely. He rests his dick on your stomach, pulling off the condom as he cums on your stomach.

3) The Dinner

Connor gets sick from the WEM signing in February. (Whoever decided to have the Oiler’s star player do a fan signing with a thousand people in the middle of flu season needs to be fired but that’s besides the point.) Because of this, he can’t go to the Nuge’s team bonding dinner but he insists that you still come, the other girls would miss you.

So you go, and you press up against Leon every once in a while during drinks. At dinner, you sit next to him, keeping a hand on his thigh at all times. Your hand moves onto his inseam as you spoon risotto into your mouth. While Nuge and Bre are handing out deserts, you lead him down a hallway.

“Hold on...aha!” you push open a door, leading to a guest room. The bed is made, and there’s a picture of Nuge’s dog on the bedside table. You turn the picture down, “I don’t want Sophie to see what we’re about to do.”

“(Y/N), What about Connor?” he asks. Leon has spent the night with you and Connor multiple times since coming home, and he’s fucked you many times but Connor’s always been there.

“Connor doesn’t care,” you say, pushing him down on the bed, “He said it was fine. We can FaceTime him if you want.”

Leon doesn’t think you’re lying, but he does enjoy watching Connor bite his lip as he watches Leon fuck you from behind. He’s got a terrible angle, can’t really see much but just the sounds of you and Leon make him groan into the phone. You end the cal with a quick “I love you.”

“You coming over tonight?” you ask when you and Leon finished getting dressed.

“Obviously.”

Everyone’s tipsy enough that they hadn’t noticed the two of you were gone.

When Leon comes over that night it’s the first time he gets his hands in Connor. He’s just finished fucking you - he’d quickly become the one to call the shots when he was around - and Connor was watching him pound into uou with wide eyes, fists clenched at his side like he was told.

Leon had spent a number of nights with you and Connor by now, but he figured Connor wasn’t into men so he didn’t push it. But this time it was different, he didn’t know why, but it was.

Leon knee-walks over to him, planting his legs on either side of Connor’s thighs. He doesn’t kiss him, doesn’t know if that’s too much, but he slides his hand up the length of them.

Giving a handy for the first time is always a little bit awkward, Leon actually has to pay attention to what they do and do not like, but with Connor it’s easier. It’s still a little awkward, he accidentally squeezes Connor’s base a little too hard and he crumpled against him, but it’s significantly better.

(Later that week you’d have a conversation with Connor.

“You know I don’t mind if you wanna do stuff with Leo when you’re gone right?”

“What?”

“If you want to. You don’t have to but you seemed like you really enjoyed Leo’s hands the other day. Not that I blame you for that.”)

4) The Roadie

Leon isn’t expecting anyone to knock on his hotel door. He’s surprised when it’s Connor there. He’s antsy, cracking his knuckles.

“Hey,” he says, furrowing his brows at Connor’s uneasy demeanour, “everything okay?”

“Everything’s great,” Connor replies, bouncing on the balls of his feet.

“Do you wanna come in?”

“Wh-oh yeah sure,” he stutters like he didn’t realize that he was still outside.

Leon lets him in, and Connor walks to the chair on the other side of the room, but doesn’t sit. Leon eyes him as he sits on the edge of the bed.

“So I talked to (Y/N),”  Connor starts.

“And…” Leon prompts.

“She said that if we wanted to mess around together on roadies then that’s fine with her,” he takes a deep breath “andivebeenthinkingaboutitandiwannatrymaybebutivenever-”

“Woah woah woah,” Leon stops him, “You’re going to have to repeat that way slower.”

“I was thinking that, if you’re down, then maybe I would be willing to try it?” he trails off at the end.

“Connor?”

“Yes?”

“Do you want to sleep with me?”

“Maybe,” Connor takes another deep breath, “I mean I’ve never done anything with a dude before, but I kinda liked it the other day. But like, only if you want to.”

“We can fool around on roadies,” picking up is so much work, Leon would love to have a steady side piece - even though he doesn't have a main piece, “Since when were you into dudes.”

Connor rubs a hand over his face, “Don’t start with me. I’ve been having an ongoing sexuality crisis for a while. I love women, (Y/N) especially, but we’re tabling this conversation for, like a year.”

“Just one thing,” he says, finally sitting down on the bed next to him, “I don’t want you to….fuck me just yet.”

Leon wants to laugh, Connor’s so straight that it hurts, “Gay sex isn’t like straight sex, there’s a process. And, I don’t want to brag, but if I were to fuck you, you wouldn’t be able to walk for a week and you’re kind of important to the team.”

“So...you’re a bottom,” Leon teases, poking him in the shoulder.

“I think so? Obviously I won’t really know until I try it but I see the appeal….what are you?”

Leon does laugh at that, “ I usually top but I don’t mind taking it every once in a while.”

Connor nods, which Leon finds adorable. The last time Leon dealt with any kind of virginity was when he was losing his own (both times), and he’s kind of excited.

Connor leans in, kissing Leon softly. Leon pushes against them, hand coming up to card through Connor’s hair. A few moments later, he pulls away.

“What’s the verdict?” Leon asks.

“Your beard feels weird.”

“Good weird or bad weird,” Leon didn’t have a 5 step beard oil routine for it to feel bad.

“Good weird.”

Leon hums in approval. Connor leans back in, and this time Leon pushes him down on the bed and Connor lets him. He lets Leon trail kisses down his neck, chest heaving off the bed once Leon gets that spot at his jawbone that drives him crazy.

“You good?” Leon asks as he lowers himself between Connor’s spread legs. Connor nods, “If you’re uncomfortable, tell me and we stop.”

He takes Connor’s dick out of his shorts, only mildly surprised when he realizes Connor’s not wearing any underwear. He licks his lips as he starts to jack him off. Connor lets out a breathy moan as Leon drops his hound to the base of his cock a with a gentle squeeze. Leon leans forward, sucking on the head gently as he watches Connor’s face turn red. Leon bobs his head down, taking more down his throat each time. Leon digs his fingers into Connor’s hips to keep them down.

“Easy, baby,” Leon murmurs, not realizing the nickname was on the tip of his tongue until it had slipped out, “It’s been a while, you’re gonna have to give me a second before you fuck my throat.”

“ ‘M sorry,” Connor says, panting.

“It’s okay, Con,” Leon responds, reaching for Connor’s  hand and placing it in his hair.

“Fuuck, Leo,” Connor grunts when Leon starts to suck on his head.

Leon finds a good rhythm, bobbing his head low and hollowing his lips as he comes up. Connor is groaning, Leon should probably tell him to keep his voice down given that they’re surrounded by the team but he doesn’t care.

Leon drops his dick, until the very tip of his cock, and sucks. Connor grunts, thrusting up into Leon’s hands before Leon starts to slide his hand up and down quickly, bringing Connor to the edge.

“Close,” he pants, “I-close, Leo, plea-”

Leon sinks his head down one more time before Connor hits the back of his throat. He sputters a little as Connor keeps spilling into his mouth. He feels a little bit dribble out, and when he finally pulls off, he wipes his mouth with the back of his hand.

“How was that?” Leon asks, tucking Connor’s soft dick under the waistband of his shorts.

Connor has a hand thrown over his face, and his only answer is a groan. Leon can’t help but laugh.

“I’ll take that as a compliment, I know my head game is strong.���

(Connor tries to give Leon a blowjob, but he gets a little too ambitious and chokes a few bobs in. Connor sputters and coughs, and Leon can’t help but chuckle as Connor grips his thighs, trying to catch his breath. He wants to try again but Leon stops him.

“You’ve done a lot today, you can try again later if you want to.”

“No, no I can do it.”

Leon explains that he doesn’t want Connor to bite his dick and Connor relaxes, giving him a hanjob instead. His pressure is a little light, so Leon wraps his hand around Connor’s and guides him until Leon finishes all over his stomach.

(Connor hesitantly runs a finger through the mess, before slowly raising his finger to his lips. He scrunches his nose in disgust. “Drink some pineapple juice, ugh.” and Leon laughs)

Connor leaves shortly after, and Leon definitely doesn’t replay the moment over and over again in his head.)

+ 1) The One Time he Stayed

When Leon pulls up into Connor’s driveway, he’s expecting the usual: play with Lenny, threesome, play with Lenny, dinner, play with Lenny, maybe round two, decide if he wants to drive home at 3 am (the answer is most likely no).

However, when he shows up Connor isn’t even home, which is not normal. Lenard throws himself at Leon when he walks through the door, knocking him down on the floor.

“One of these days he’s gonna be successful in his assination attempts,” you joke from your place on the couch.

“There are worse ways to die,” he says as he gets back on his feet, this time ready for Lenny’s high energy. Eventually Lenny decides Leon is not worth his time, padding off to his bed by the fireplace, so Leon sits by you on the couch.

“Watchya reading?” he asks, poking you in the side.

“My textbook detailing the different types and phases of psychosis,” you say,  capping your highlighter.

“Hm,” Leon grunts, “Uplifting.”

“Very,” you place the book on the coffee table, “So Connor was telling me about your hook up on the roadie.”

Leon’s heart stops, “Connor said it was okay and you seduced me at Nuge’s so I assumed-”

“Leon, relax” you cut him off with a chuckle, “I’m not mad.”

Leon lets out the breath he didn’t know he was holding.

“And I did not seduce you at Nuge’s.”

“You led me down a hallway I’ve never been in just to have sex with me in their guest bedroom,” he raises an eyebrow, “that’s the definition of seducing.”

You mutter something that Leon can’t decipher under his breath which he knows means that he’s won this argument.

“Anyways,” you say, clearing your throat, ““Connor was gonna be here, but he had an appointment and now he’s stuck on the Henday but he’ll be here soon. We were talking and we were thinking, only if you wanted to, that maybe you could join us...as a couple.”

Leon isn’t sure he understands your proposal.

“What?”

“Would you like to join me and Connor as a third?” you ask, “If you don’t want you can leave before Connor comes home and we’ll never bring it up again.”

~~~

Later that day, when Leon is falling asleep with Connor on one side of him using his chest as a pillow and you’re on his other side tucked against him, he’ll think about what a strange road it was to get here. Connor’s already asleep, listening to Leon’s heartbeat as his head rises and falls on with Leon’s breath.

“So was this always the plan?” Leon asks when he feels you tracing something on his skin.

“Hm?” you question.

“Was this all an elaborate ploy to get me to join you and Connor?” he clarifies, “Because if so, kudos because I never expected.”

“No,” Connor mumbles against Leon’s chest, turns out he wasn’t asleep, “We didn’t expect to ask you to join us more than once in California but you’re too damn cute.”

“I never thought we would because I didn’t think Davo was into dudes,” you say, “We get any closer to an answer on the sexuality thing, Con?”

“We’ll get there when we get there.”

[lidiacervos]

I just saw an El/riel post in Gwyn's tag and they really said that SA survivors can turn evil. Their trauma doesn't change the path they would take or their personality or sum because Acotar is not like the reality and that what we are saying is problematic..?

Girl- you are fricking comparing a SA survivor to either a man- eating monster or a raper?!?! PLUS you are claiming that she lied about her past?! That's not problematic? It would be very problematic for the author to make a SA survivor lure people and eat them up! Especially a guy, when she was raped by men. Yes, we don't know what a SA survivor has in mind but in books the author knows and it would send such bad message to people. I've heard of some stories where people faked their trauma and made their "abuser" go to jail for many years- just some stories and that's in real life. It's a different case when an author makes the victim turn evil and that case is very harmful to many, many actual victims who experienced the same things in real life. In real life, SA survivors are already accused for "lying" and being made the "bad guy" in the story. Why do you think that so many SA survivors are quit about what happened to them? People are literally taking away their voice and make them out to be the "bad guy".

Are they soo dumb to understand how terrible it would be for SA survivors to read a book where the SA survivor turns out to have either lied about their past, turns out to be a raper or turns out to lure a guy and then kill him, JUST for a goddamn ship?!

Okay let's say you see a black person protrayed as this dangerous guy who lives in the "ghetto", secretly buys/sells drugs and keeps guns, or a Muslims protrayed as a terrorist who oppresses the women in a movie. People are mad because of how Muslims and Black people are protrayed- would you seriously say something like "Oh- there are so many Muslims and black people in the world who do exactly that! This person's religion and this person's skin color doesn't change the path they would like to take. You don't know what is up in people's mind" (Not comparing trauma, religion and ethnicity, I hope you get my point though)

I've heard from SA survivors that they were triggered of the way Sarah has written Rhys. He's a SA survivor who SA someone and that someone didn't care about that and fell in love with her abuser-but who also is a SA survivor. I've heard from people who were in toxic relationships, that they were triggered when Rowan punched Aelin and kept on bullying her or when Rhys took away Feyre's choice in acosf. The author hurt them with this and that is a big problem.

Gwynriels are mad at these theories but not hurt. It is SA survivors who they are actually hurting with these crack- a** theories. Doesn't matter from which ship they are from.

You really went for it in this ask, I can tell you’re frustrated and I hope writing out your thoughts helped! I’m not sure if I’ve seen the post you’re talking about but I think I understand

See, if you let e/riels go on long enough they always contradict themselves. I thought Gwyn couldn’t leave the library and have her own story because of her SA, because she hasn’t healed enough and some never do leave? I thought she couldn’t be with Az because of her SA, because Az is tOo KiNkY or he would be taking advantage as one of her trainers? Now, her SA isn’t allowed to be taken into account with the possibility of her working with Koschei or being a lightsinger? They are getting closer though, maybe in a few months they’ll realize Gwyn is more than the SA that they weaponize to suit their latest theory

I agree, SJM isn’t the type of writer who would use such a serious thing as a plot point for drama

We’ve all seen the problematic things their fandom has said. They’ve got “e/riel has to be endgame” blinders on right now. It’s all they care about unfortunately, so they’re unable to see or care about how their implications could be harmful

[petersasteria]

The Life of A Mobster's Wife || Arvin Russell

Russell || Main || Taglist

Mob!Arvin x Reader (Modern AU) Requested? Nah 9,818 words (pls send feedback bc this is the longest mob fic i've done and i want to know if it's alright or if i should just leave the mob au alone sksk) W: asshole!arvin, doesn't follow canon, curse words, killing, cheating, so many fucked up shit

* * * *

Being married to a mobster wasn’t easy. Everything has to be kept under wraps whilst having a lavish lifestyle. But when you’re young, you’re naive and you think that everything will work out and you’ll live happily ever after like some Disney fairytale. Everyone seems to forget that Disney princess stories were adapted from the Brothers Grimm and Hans Christian Andersen. You didn’t know that your life would take such a dark turn the moment you met Arvin. The second he smiled at you, you were a goner. You were hooked on him; addicted. Everything should’ve been a red flag and the people around you told you that something about him seemed off. That should have alarmed you, but you took what they said personally. One by one, they all left you and only Arvin was left by your side. That should have been a sign too.

You told yourself that you’d be happy and you were. You were together for six months and then you got married. Now, six years later, you have a son who just turned six and a husband who doesn’t even sleep in the same bed as you anymore. You didn’t know what went wrong, but everything suddenly changed.

Arvin made sure you and your son were away from him, so he bought a big apartment in the Upper East Side for both of you. Arvin would stay there sometimes, but most of the time, he was working; killing, kidnapping people for ransom, selling weapons, selling drugs, etc. He wanted you away from those especially, Hayden; your son.

You wanted for things to change because Hayden hardly ever sees Arvin and they don’t have a connection. You also wanted another baby and you felt like Arvin was too busy for that. Wanting to focus on your husband, you decided it was best to hire a nanny to attend to your son’s needs. However, it was difficult to look for a nanny when you’re keeping everything a secret. You were lucky enough to hire a personal doctor.

Amelia Avery Hudson is a trauma surgeon, but you hired her as your personal doctor to treat your husband and his men if they have wounds. The other doctors you asked turned down your offer. When you asked Amelia, she immediately agreed. Amelia didn’t really have a choice. She applied because she needed to pay her student loans back. Plus, she needed to keep a roof over her head and rent was expensive in New York. She’s a fresh graduate and she had trouble finding a job that fitted her career path. Your offer was perfect and she saw it just in time. She hoped that no one took the job yet and luck was on her side because she’s been your personal doctor ever since.

Amelia’s only there during the evening from 7PM until 12 midnight. Having signed an NDA, she had no one to tell about the things she’s seen. She knew that if she even tried, Arvin would somehow find out and kill her with no mercy. She didn’t want to risk it.

Amelia’s feisty, but she was nice. The poor girl had a terrible life. She kept moving from one foster home to another when she was younger. Because of that, she grew up strong. She’s a remarkable woman and you were glad that you met her. You weren’t close, but you had a good relationship with her. Sometimes, she’d entertain Hayden which meant a lot to you.

You put up a poster for the nanny position and a few applicants were interested. You looked through their resumes and interviewed them one by one. Out of everyone, only one person stood out. Her name was Celeste.

“Tell me more about yourself, Celeste.” You smiled at her. You didn’t feel comfortable interviewing people in your apartment, so you always made sure the interviewees met you in your favorite restaurant in the upper east side.

“I-I’m Celeste Regina Dela Cruz. Eighteen years old. Um-”

“I know those things.” You laughed. “It’s on your resume. Just loosen up and tell me about yourself. Would it make you more comfortable if I went first?”

Celeste nodded, clearly intimidated. You smiled and said, “I’m Y/N Russell and I never finished college because I got married. I dropped out and left everything behind to be with my husband. I was also pregnant when we got married, so we never really had a decent alone time. I volunteer a lot for my son’s school and I make sure that my son has everything. Right now, he’s on a waiting list for multiple colleges.”

“Wait, how old is he?”

“He’s 6 years old.” You said before taking a sip of water. “It’s nice to be prepared, though. At least we know that he has a slot when the time comes.”

Celeste nodded and you motioned for her to start talking about herself. She widened her eyes and opened her mouth to talk, but the waiter arrived with your food. You both thanked the waiter and began eating.

“Please continue, Celeste.” You said as you took a bite of your food.

“I’m Celeste and I’m from the Philippines.” She said. “No wonder your accent is thick.” You pointed out and nodded for her to continue.

“I was able to come here because my tita- ay sorry- aunt; my aunt brought me here a year ago. I graduated high school, but I can’t go to college yet because my aunt is sick and she’s the one who pays for my schooling. College is very expensive and we can’t afford it anymore because of my aunt’s medicines.”

“I’m sorry to hear that.” You frowned. You felt bad, truly. Here you were, a college dropout but you’re living a luxurious lifestyle. Of course, that’s all thanks to Arvin. You were just lucky that you married a rich man. But as you sat in front of Celeste, you felt the need to do something nice for her. After all, in your mind, she was hired already.

“Oh, it’s okay.” Celeste smiled. “We’re getting by. My friend told me to apply to you and that’s why I’m here.”

“I understand.” You said as you folded your hands on the table. “When can you start?”

“Ha? What?” Celeste furrowed her eyebrows.

“You’re hired, Celeste.” You chuckled. “When can you start?”

“Um… as soon as possible!” Celeste exclaimed and you nodded.

“Pack your things and I’ll send for Pemberley to pick you up at your home address. I’d just like to confirm that your address on your resume is still your home, yes?” You asked and she nodded quickly.

“Okay. I’ll give it to Pemberley. He’ll pick you up at 9:30AM sharp.” You grinned. You both shook hands and continued eating.

The next day, you welcomed Celeste in your apartment and gave her a tour. She looked amazed at everything and it was entertaining to see. You told her that she wasn’t allowed in the master bedroom unless told and she wasn’t allowed in Arvin’s office.

You looked at your watch and gasped, “Oh, my! I’m late for a meeting. Make yourself at home and don’t forget to pick up Hayden from pre-school at 2:15. I have a note for you in your room. Please read it.” You quickly grabbed your bag and coat and left.

Celeste stood there and made her way to her room. After roaming around for 2 minutes, she finally saw her room and read the note.

Hello, Celeste! These are the rules:

Hayden can’t eat seafood. He is allergic.

No sugar-y or chocolate-y drinks before bed. Only one glass of milk with no sugar.

Sandwiches are not allowed to be eaten in his room because of crumbs.

If Hayden has no classes, you may take him to the park or the museum. As long as there are only a few people.

Stay away from crowded places. I beg.

Give Hayden a bath before bed.

Call me only when severe emergencies happen.

Your laundry schedule is the same as Hayden’s; TTh.

Always bring a small first aid kit in your bag and make sure you have a full container of hand sanitizer AT ALL TIMES.

Keep an eye on Hayden. He is your main priority.

P.S. Have fun! Eat whatever you want and if you need anything, please give Jose your own list before he goes grocery shopping.

Celeste taped the note on the wall next to her bed and started unpacking her things. She looked at her watch and realized that it was time to pick up Hayden from school. She quickly grabbed her small bag and ran to the front door.

Hayden’s school was just around the corner, so it was easy for Celeste to pick him up. There were many nannies waiting for kids to be picked up and Celeste was a bit overwhelmed that her job was actually starting. She never had training or anything.

A few more minutes of waiting, the door opened and out came a plethora of running and screaming children. During the apartment tour you gave her from hours before, she remembered you showing her a family picture that was recently taken. With that in mind, Celeste was able to remember what Hayden looked like.

Celeste looked around and saw a young boy by the steps, looking around. “Hayden!” Celeste shouted, causing the boy to look at her. Celeste walked over and said, “Hayden Russell?”

The boy nodded. She smiled, “I’m your new nanny. My name is Celeste.”

Using his manners, Hayden shook Celeste’s hand. Celeste grinned and took Hayden’s bag from him. She held his hand and they walked home. The walk home was short and quiet, but it was comfortable. When they walked into the fancy apartment building and into the elevator, Hayden spoke up.

“Can I call you ‘Celie’, instead? Like a super agent secret name? It’ll be cool.” Hayden said, causing Celeste to smile at him.

“Sure!” Celeste said.

When they arrived in the apartment unit, you were already home. Hayden ran up to you and you bent down to pick him up and hug him.

“How was school?” You asked as you kissed his forehead.

“It was fun! We learned so many things and we had arts and crafts and we-”

“That’s great, sweetie!” You smiled before putting him down. “You can play sudoku in the living room.”

Hayden made a face, “But I hate sudoku.”

“Yes, but it’ll help you stimulate your brain. Think of it as a mental exercise.” You grinned before softly nudging him to the living room where his sudoku book was waiting for him on the coffee table. Hayden begrudgingly walked to the living room and you turned to Celeste, “We need to talk.”

You turned around and walked to your husband’s office. He wasn’t there anyway and you had the freedom to speak business there. “Follow me.” You said without looking behind you. Celeste was scared shitless. She did the sign of the cross and prayed on her way to Arvin’s office.

“Aba Ginoong Maria, napupuno ka ng grasya, Ang Panginoong Diyos ay sumasaiyo. Bukod kang pinagpala sa babaeng lahat at pinagpala rin naman ang anak mong si Hesus. Santa Maria, Ina ng Diyos, ipanalangin mo kaming makasalanan ngayon at kung kami’y mamamatay. Amen. (Hail Mary, Full of Grace, the Lord is with you. Blessed are you amongst women and blessed is the fruit of your womb, Jesus. Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners. Now and at the hour of our death. Amen.)” Celeste muttered under her breath. You opened the door to Arvin’s office and was immediately met with the darkness due to the closed curtains and lights that were not switched on. The only light present was the sun’s light peeping through the spaces between the curtains. You walked in and Celeste followed suit and closed the door behind her.

You sat on Arvin’s chair and read the papers that you previously laid there on the table. “Please, sit.” You motioned for her to sit in front of you and she did.

“I told you that I had a meeting earlier. I met with important people and we went through your records.” You told Celeste. Celeste knew that she didn’t do anything wrong and that she had a clean record, but that didn’t stop her from worrying.

Was she in trouble for declining her father’s call from the Philippines? Or perhaps she was in trouble for cursing her cousin. She wasn’t sure.

“And I’d like to applaud you for having remarkable and outstanding grades. Straight A’s?! I didn’t know you were smart. You didn’t put in your resume that you were a valedictorian.” You smiled sweetly. You were impressed.

“I didn’t put it because I don’t want to be hired because I’m a valedictorian. I want to be hired because you want me for the job.” Celeste said and you nodded in understanding.

“That’s very humble of you.” You smiled. “Anyway, I submitted your records to multiple colleges and they immediately got back to me.”

You opened the drawer and took out at least ten envelopes from well known universities. You handed the envelopes to her and motioned for her to read each one.

Yale University

Stanford University

Harvard University

New York University

Massachusetts Institute of Technology

Cornell University

Brown University

University of California, Los Angeles

University of Pennsylvania

Columbia University

“I want you to look through those and read each one. You also have the freedom to check each university’s website to see what they look and what they offer and if what they’re offering is what you want, tell me.” You told her.

“That’s very nice of you, ma’am.” Celeste said, clearly overwhelmed with what you just told her. “I can’t afford it. It’s too- mahal. Ang mahal po kasi.(expensive. It’s too expensive.)”

You stared at her as she spoke to you in a foreign language. Not just any foreign language, her native language. She quickly realized what she said and said, “The tuition fee is too expensive.”

“You know, for a valedictorian, you’re kind of slow.” You joked. “Sweetie, you don’t have to worry about it because we’ll pay for your tuition fee.”

She gasped and squealed, “Thank you!”. She jumped out of her chair, did a small dance, and went up to hug you which took you by surprise. You smiled brightly and patted her arm as a sign of affection. It felt nice to do something good for once even though your husband does a lot of bad things. Sometimes you think that all the good things you’ve done are payback for all the bad things Arvin has done.

Celeste quickly let go of you and went back to her seat. She cleared her throat and apologized and you waved your hand and said that it was nothing. You debated with yourself on whether you should tell Celeste about your husband’s mob or not. You decided against it and told yourself that you’ll tell her when she asks.

“I’ll enroll you in any university you pick and I’ll make an arrangement that your tasks during the day until you pick up Hayden, are done face to face. Meaning, you’ll physically attend classes at the university of choice. Of course, that only applies here in New York.” You explained.

“Should you choose a university that isn't in New York, you'll be enrolled in online classes." You told her and she nodded.

"Yes, ma'am. Thank you so much!" Celeste said sincerely which made you smile.

"You're welcome. Study well and you can join Hayden in the living room now. I'm sure he's done with his sudoku. He should be reading his French book now." You said as you looked at the time on your phone before standing up. Celeste stood up too and held the letters close to her chest.

"I think my husband is coming home tonight, so we'll eat dinner at his favorite restaurant. Get ready at 6PM. Knowing him, he'll be late." You said and left the office with Celeste following behind. She closed the door and quickly went to the living room to check out the letters.

You went straight to your shared bedroom with Arvin and quickly went to your walk in closet that Arvin built for you. You scanned through the rack for dresses and scanned through multiple shoes to match your dress. You knew it was still 3:30PM, but you liked being prepared.

Your phone rang and you immediately answered it without looking to see who it was. “Hello?” You answered while grabbing a cerulean colored cocktail dress from the rack and holding it against you and checking it in front of a mirror.

“Y/N, honey, it’s me.” Arvin said. His voice was raspy and there’s no doubt that it’s because of his smoking habit. He’s trying to lessen it because according to him, he didn’t want to have cancer and he didn’t want his life cut short. Despite that, he still smoked… less than before. He was really trying. Key word: trying.

“You’re smoking right now, huh?” You asked, already tired of his shit. You loved him so much, but you didn’t have the energy of being his wife anymore. Probably because he doesn’t treat you like one.

“Mind your own business, woman!” Arvin hissed. You knew he didn’t mean it, but it still kind of hurt. “I’m just worried about you and you said that you’ll lessen the smoking.” You said calmly. You didn’t want to fight with him; it’s useless.

“I am. This is my third stick today and it’s late in the afternoon.” Arvin said, pushing his hair back. “Anyway, I called to tell you that I’ll be coming home tonight and I’m sleeping there.”

“Wow, it’s been a while. How long will you stay here?” You asked, hiding your excitement.

“I’m taking 7 days off. Starting tomorrow.” Arvin said. He gathered his things, got up from his seat and walked out of his office. “I’m leaving The Hamptons as we speak.”

“Alright. I’ll be waiting for you.” You said.

“What’re you up to right now, darling?” He asked, exiting the mansion and went straight to the limo. The door was being held open by Jeeves, the chauffeur. Arvin got inside and Jeeves closed the door before quickly getting in and driving.

“I’m picking a dress for tonight. I made reservations because you’re coming home.” You told him and he smiled.

“That’s sweet of you, darling. I’ll text you when I’m almost home, okay?” Arvin said.

“Oh, ok-”

Arvin hung up the phone and you sighed. You put the phone on top of the small chair before picking another dress.

Hours later, you received a text from Arvin saying that he was already around the corner and that he’ll just wait for you in the limo. You quickly finished getting ready and walked out of your room wearing a steel blue dress that you knew Arvin loved. You wore heels that matched it and wore dangling earrings that you wore on your wedding anniversary.

Celeste was wearing a polka-dotted blouse and a skirt that ran until her knees. She was wearing an old pair of Mary Jane’s and her hair was neatly combed. She had a hairpin to clip it back and on her shoulder, was a ‘nanny bag’ that you gave her. Hayden was wearing black pants and a button up that you bought last year. He was wearing black sneakers to match his outfit.

All three of you left the apartment and quickly made your way to the elevator. The elevator ride was short and before you knew it, you were in the lobby. Seeing the limo from afar, Hayden ran towards it causing Celeste to run after him. You walked quickly knowing that Arvin hated waiting.

Hayden opened the limo’s door and went inside to give his father a hug. “I missed you, daddy!” Hayden said with a smile and kissed his cheek. Arvin hugged back tightly and kissed the top of his head.

Arvin loved Hayden. The boy was like a copy of him and Hayden was Arvin’s most prized possession. He was the reason that Arvin worked hard and he was the reason that Arvin is sane. Although he doesn’t mind having more kids, Hayden was more than enough for him and he was content with that.

“I missed you too, buddy!” Arvin smiled widely and sat Hayden on his lap. Hayden started talking about what happened while he was away and Arvin was listening. Celeste went inside the limo and sat across from Arvin causing him to glance at Celeste up and down with furrowed eyebrows. You quickly got in the limo next to Arvin and closed the door. Jeeves asked if everyone was ready and you said yes. Jeeves started driving and he turned the music down a bit.

This caught your attention and you internally groaned. You looked at Arvin and quietly said, “Really? You’re playing this music again?”

Not leaving his gaze on Celeste, he said, “My limo, my music.”

You rolled your eyes and looked out the window. Arvin’s music played through the speakers and you decided to help yourself with a glass of champagne just to get through the night.

“Are you washed? (Are you washed?) In the blood (In the blood) In the soul cleansing blood of the lamb?”

The music filled the quiet limo, Hayden stopped talking a minute ago, finding the scenery more amusing than his own stories. Arvin nudged you and whispered, “Who the hell is the chick?”

“Hayden’s new nanny.” You whispered. “I hired her yesterday. She’s from the Philippines and-”

“You know what? I’ll interview her during dinner.” Arvin cut you off. “I already interviewed her and she’s qualified.” You hissed.

“Really? Doesn’t seem like it.” Arvin said. “I’ll do the talking. You already got to know her and it’s my turn now. I want the best for my son.”

“She’s very intelligent, you know.”

“I don’t give a shit, Y/N.”

“Daddy said a no-no word.” Hayden said, his eyes not leaving the window. “Also, can I get a puppy? Jason’s daddy bought him a new puppy and I want one too.”

“Tomorrow.” Arvin answered. “I’ll pick you up after school and we’ll buy a puppy.”

“Arvin, babe, he’s not responsible enough for a puppy yet.” You told him, but Arvin shrugged you off. He didn’t care what you thought. If his son wants a puppy, he’s getting a puppy.

You arrived at the restaurant and immediately got out of the car. You went down first and Hayden followed after. Arvin glanced at Celeste and motioned for her to get out first and she did. Arvin was last and he closed the door behind him. “Buy yourself some food, Jeeves.” Arvin said as he handed $200 to Jeeves through the driver’s side. “Pick us up when I text you. Don’t be too far, alright?”

“Yes, sir.” Jeeves said before driving off.

You all waited for Arvin and all four of you entered the fancy restaurant. The hostess led you to your table that had a small card that said: ‘Reserved for Mrs. Russell’ in cursive. All four of you sat down and the hostess provided menus for you, Arvin, and Celeste. A kids’ menu was handed to Hayden and he smiled and thanked the hostess. Holding a menu made Hayden feel like a real man. He wanted to be just like his father and that scared you because Hayden doesn’t know about Arvin’s job. Neither did Celeste and you felt sick to your stomach knowing that you brought two innocent people in danger. If things get worse, you’ll fire Celeste and let her go back to her family while you make sure that traces of her are gone. After all, if they find Celeste, she might get killed. Chances are, her family gets killed too. It’s all connected.

Anyway, all Hayden knew was that his father takes down bad guys. To him, Arvin’s a hero. But you knew better. Hayden will find out when he’s older. One day, he’ll understand that not all people who take down bad guys are heroes.

You all ordered and handed the hostess back the menus. Arvin took a sip of his water and cleared his throat before turning his attention to Celeste. “What’s your name, and where are you from?” Arvin asked.

Celeste stared at him in shock, “A-Are you talking to me, sir?”

“Who else would I be talking to? Of course, I’m talking to you.” He scoffed which made you slap his arm lightly. “Introduce yourself to me. We haven’t met and if my wife thinks you’re qualified for this job, it is also my right to see if you’re qualified as well.”

“U-Um, okay. My name is Celeste Regina Dela Cruz and I’m from the Philippines. My aunt brought me here last year. I only graduated high school and-”

“Alright. How did you find out about this job?” Arvin asked.

“My friend told me about it, so I applied.” Celeste said. A waiter came by and poured champagne on yours and Arvin’s glasses while he poured water on Celeste’s and Hayden’s.

Arvin nodded, “Alright. Were you a nanny before this?”

“No, sir.” Celeste answered.

“So, what makes you qualified for this job? Why are you here?” Arvin questioned.

“I’m here because… I want to work and I think that being a nanny is the only way.” Celeste answered and Arvin nodded before turning to you.

“Have you discussed her salary?” He asked and you shook your head. He nodded and turned to Celeste, “Will $100 a day be enough?”

“Yes, sir.” Celeste nodded furiously.

“Alright, then. $100, it is. I’ll give you extra if you’re good.” He said before taking out his phone and kept himself busy. You gave Celeste a tight lipped smile and did the same.

What Arvin said struck a nerve on you. You knew of his affairs and ladies, that’s why you never visited your mansion in The Hamptons. You knew there’d be a plethora of girls who are throwing themselves at your husband. You also knew that he wasn’t faithful and you knew that because he smelled like women’s perfume and sometimes he’d have a smudge of foundation on his white shirt. You stayed with him anyway.

“Thank you, sir.” Celeste said with a small smile. She turned her attention to Hayden and entertained him with stories from back home.

“How was work?” You asked Arvin and he shrugged.

“Nothing special. Rodriguez finally paid back what he owes, so that’s that. Also, dad visited me this morning. He said that he wanted to see Hayden. I told him I’ll think about it.” Arvin said with no emotion.

Arvin’s relationship with his dad, Willard, was rocky. It was no secret that Arvin preferred the company of his mom rather than his dad. Charlotte, Arvin’s mom, was the sweetest lady you’ve ever met. She helped you with your pregnancy and she’s the one who told Arvin to keep you away from the mob things. She didn’t want Hayden to grow up in such a bloody environment. Besides, it wasn’t safe. She’d occasionally visit you and Hayden when she’s not busy.

“How were things while I was gone?” Arvin asked.

“Same old. The only new thing was hiring Celeste.” You told him and he nodded. He moved closer to you and asked in a low voice, “Does she know?”

You shook your head and he nodded, “Good. It should be kept that way.”

“We’ll be paying for her college education.” You said quietly and Arvin’s head quickly turned to you as he glared daggers at you. You paid him no mind as you took a sip of your champagne. “We’ll talk later.” Arvin said sternly.

The waiter arrived with your orders and all four of you began eating in silence. Celeste was too awkward to start a conversation, Hayden didn’t know what to say, Arvin will talk to you later in his office, and you didn’t want to engage in a conversation nor start it.

After that, you ordered desserts. You initially didn’t plan to order any, but Hayden wanted the strawberry cake that he saw at the other table. Therefore, Arvin ordered four slices of that. As Arvin took bites of it, he chuckled which made you look at him through your peripheral vision.

“What’s so funny?” You asked, before eating the cake that was on your fork and chewing it. Arvin shook his head, “Nothing. I just remembered our wedding cake. It was similar to this.”

You smiled at the thought and nodded, “Yeah, they are similar.”

Your complicated marriage with Arvin made you stressed. You didn’t know how to act around him, but he was a great actor. He acted like he wasn’t cheating on you, he acted like he wanted the domesticated life, he acted like everything about his family was normal, and above all, he acted like he was still in love with you.

The truth is, Arvin isn’t in love with you anymore. But he loved you; he still does. He will never stop loving and caring about you. He just doesn’t get the same feelings as he used to. Before, one look at you gave him butterflies in his stomach and the world turned into slow motion. Now, he looks at you and he feels nothing. In his mind, you’re just his wife and the mother of his child. He didn’t know what to do anymore, but he knew he couldn’t leave you. Leaving you would ruin him because he knew you’d take Hayden away from him.

Being unfaithful wasn’t part of his plan, but it just happened. Then it kept happening with different girls and he hated himself every time. He knew that you knew. After all, he wasn’t discreet about it either. Both of you just pretend that nothing’s happening, it’s all swept under the rug and it’s killing you.

After dessert, Arvin texted Jeeves to pick you up as you called a waiter for your bill. After paying, Jeeves was already outside. Celeste got up from her seat and carried Hayden, who was falling asleep already. You and Arvin followed.

The ride home was shorter and quicker. When you arrived in the apartment, Celeste went straight to Hayden’s room with him fast asleep in her arms. Arvin cleared his throat which caught your attention. You looked at him and he nodded his head towards his office. He went there and you trailed behind him.

When he opened the door, he switched on the lights and went straight to his desk. You entered and closed the door. You sat in front of him and waited for him to talk.

“Since when were we paying for someone else’s education?” Arvin asked.

“Since now.” You answered boldly. He bit the inside of his cheek and nodded, “Why?”

“I’ve seen her records. She’s a valedictorian and she deserves to go to college. Her aunt can’t pay for it and I volunteered. It’s a little ‘thank you’ for taking care of Hayden. Taking care of a child isn’t easy.” You explained.

“That’s her job. Her little ‘thank you’ is her salary.” Arvin said with his thick accent.

“She deserves more than that.” You told him. “We have so much money, anyway. Paying for her college education won’t even cause a dent in our bank account. Besides, you told her that if she’s good, you’ll give her extra cash. Now, what do you mean by that?”

You and Arvin stared at each other in silence. The tension was thick. It was obvious that you both have problems that you refused to bring up.

“Let’s go to bed.” Arvin said after a minute. He stood up and you stood up too. Both of you left his office and he turned the lights off. He went straight to your shared bedroom and you went to Hayden’s bedroom. When you peeked inside, Hayden was already asleep and wearing his pajamas. You took off your shoes and walked to his bed. You laid down next to him and hugged him as tears streamed down your face.

Being Arvin’s wife wasn’t easy and it wasn’t like the fantasy you had initially thought. You wanted a happy family, but Arvin doesn’t even lay with you anymore. Your day was tiring and chaotic with a mix of high and low emotions. You knew that it would repeat the next day and you already dreaded it. For now, you’ll just cuddle your 6-year-old son and try to get some sleep.

The next few days consisted of doing your daily tasks. The only difference is, Arvin was home and he joined in various tasks. He accompanied Celeste in picking up Hayden at school and true to his word, Arvin bought Hayden a puppy.

Now, the puppy is part of your daily tasks too. Hayden named his puppy 'Jack' and he loved it. Part of his new daily life, Hayden always made sure that Jack was nearby whenever he did anything whether it be sudoku or reading his French picture books.

Arvin loved Jack too. He even swore to Jack that he'd come home often. You rolled your eyes at that, but chose not to say anything. While you thought that nothing in your marriage will surprise you, you thought wrong. After his 7 days off, Arvin came home every night solely because of Jack and Hayden.

'Perfect.' You thought. 'At least he's coming home every night.'

It was now Sunday which meant that Hayden had horseback riding lessons at the back of your mansion in The Hamptons. Celeste was watching over Hayden with her cheap sunglasses on. The skirt of her dress was slightly lifting up due to the wind. You offered your hat to her, but she declined. She said that she was used to the sun because of the weather in the Philippines.

You and Arvin were in his office looking over Celeste’s university of choice. You were making calls and Arvin was checking out the university’s website on his laptop. You were currently on hold and you grabbed Celeste’s acceptance letter from Arvin’s desk. The envelope was open and you sat down on Arvin’s desk as you took out the letter from the envelope and read it.

Cornell University

Celeste Regina Dela Cruz 2264 Oak Street Manhattan, New York 10021

Dear Celeste Regina:

Congratulations on your acceptance into the College of Engineering at Cornell University! We are very pleased to be welcoming you to this coming academic year.

Very soon, you will receive your official letter of acceptance from us in the mail. We are excited that you will be joining the Cornell community and know that you will make a very positive contribution to the university.

Best regards,

Amanda K. Bishop Associate Vice Provost for Enrollment Cornell University

ENROLL AND DEPOSIT ONLINE: Please retain the URL and PIN provided in the notification email you received, as well as the password you created to view this letter. You will need all three in order to log in again to complete the Enrollment Response Form and submit your enrollment deposit.

You finished reading and before you knew it, you weren’t on hold anymore. You began talking to the person in charge and Arvin glanced at you from time to time while scrolling through Cornell’s website.

“I think she’ll enjoy Cornell, darling.” Arvin said, exiting Cornell’s site and you glanced at him and gave him a thumbs up before turning your attention to the call again. After an hour, you end the call and turn to Arvin.

“They agreed to let her do online classes and occasionally attend classes physically.” You informed him and he nodded.

“Do you think Hayden will get into Cornell? It’s a nice university.” Arvin asked. “I don’t really care where he gets in. I’ll be proud regardless.”

You gave him a small smile and said, “That’s wonderful. Speaking of Hayden, his horseback riding lessons should be done by now. Let’s go.”

You left Arvin’s office and he quickly followed behind you. “Is there something wrong?” He asked and you shook your head, not saying anything.

Days went on that way. You talked to Arvin less and less and he was starting to catch on to that. He also noticed that you don’t sleep next to him anymore and that you always made sure that you weren’t home when he comes home from the mob business.

-

The party was in full swing and the children were having so much fun. Arvin wasn’t a fan of parties, but he decided that it would be nice to have other children around the apartment. Hayden’s friends and classmates played around and the nannies were all huddled in one corner as they watched the children. Some of them even played with Jack.

You were with the parents and you couldn’t find Arvin. It was time for Hayden to blow the candles and you wanted you and Arvin to be there beside him. You looked for him everywhere and you forgot to check his home office. ‘He’s most likely in there.’ You told yourself.

Without knocking, you walked in and gasped when you saw the sight in front of you. The back of Arvin’s chair was facing you, but you didn’t need the chair to fully face you to know what they’re doing. A young woman, in her early 20s, was sitting on Arvin’s lap and you could see her bouncing up and down. Arvin wasn’t even hiding the fact that he was enjoying it. You quickly left and closed the door.

You knew he was cheating on you, but seeing him in action made it so real. You told yourself that you weren’t going to cry, but the tears you held back were freely streaming down your face. You quickly wiped them away and Celeste saw you.

“Ma’am, are you okay?” She asked. She was worried about you. You faked a smile and nodded, “Yeah, I’m alright. I just can’t believe that Hayden is 7 already! Time flies by so fast.”

Celeste nodded and smiled, “Okay. Hayden wants to blow his cake now.”

“Okay. Tell him to get ready.” You told her and she nodded, quickly leaving you alone. You glanced at the door of Arvin’s office and debated on calling Arvin’s attention or not. You decided that you weren’t going to call for him. If he cared about the little family you made, he would have the decency to not cheat on you on your son’s birthday. With that in mind, you held your head high and walked to the kitchen where everyone was waiting. Hayden was sitting on the bar stool while his cake was placed in front of him, on top of the countertop.

You smiled brightly at him and stood next to him. You kissed his cheek and gave him a side hug. “Where’s daddy?” Hayden asked you, looking up at you with innocent eyes.

“He’s busy cheating on mommy, sweetheart.” You wanted to say so bad, but you held back. It wasn’t nice to bring personal problems to parties. Especially your 7-year-old son’s party.

“He’s answering an important call for work, buddy. He’ll catch up later.” You lied. Hayden frowned, but his mood changed when everyone started singing ‘Happy Birthday’ while some took pictures of you two. Celeste lit the candle that was shaped like the number 7. After the song, Hayden closed his eyes and made a wish before blowing his candle. Everyone clapped and you gave everyone a slice of cake.

When everyone was eating, Arvin finally walked out of his office with the young woman with him. He gave her $100 and whispered, “This is for not telling anyone and for spending time with me.” He winked at her and she blushed before quickly walking off to the kid she was watching.

Unbeknownst to them, Celeste saw the whole thing. She looked at you, Hayden, and Arvin and she looked torn. She wanted to tell you, but she was scared of Arvin. She thought that he was sketchy and she didn’t fully trust him. If she doesn't tell you, she’ll feel bad. So she quickly went to her room, called her sister and sat on her bed.

Toni, her sister, answered, “Oh, bakit ka napatawag? (Why did you call?)”

“May chika ako! Tangina, ‘di ko alam kung ano gagawin ko. (I have tea! Fuck, I don’t know what to do.)” Celeste said. She was panicking in her room and she truly didn’t know what to do.

“Ano ‘yon? (What is it?)” Toni asked.

“‘Di ako sigurado pero parang nambababae itong tatay ng alaga ko. Sabihin ko kaya sa asawa niya? (I’m not sure, but I think the dad of the kid I’m taking care of is cheating on his wife. What if I tell his wife?)” Celeste bit her nails nervously. Toni was quiet and said, “Ikaw bahala. Kung sa tingin mong kakainin ka ng konsensya mo, sabihin mo na. Kung kaya mong magkunwari na wala kang alam, edi ‘wag mo sabihin. (It’s up to you. If you think that your conscience will eat you alive, tell her. If you can pretend that you don’t know anything, then don’t say anything.)”

“Kung ikaw nasa pwesto ko, ano gagawin mo? (If you were in my place, what would you do?)”

“Wala. Kunwari wala akong alam. Saka ko na lang sasabihin pag tinanong ako. (Nothing. I’ll pretend that I don’t know anything. I’ll just tell her if she asks me.)” Toni answered.

“Sige. Chat nalang kita mamaya. Kailangan na ako sa labas. (Okay. I’ll chat with you later. I think they need me outside.)”

“Okay, bye!” Toni said before hanging up. Celeste took a deep breath and walked out of her room.

Some people were already leaving and Celeste immediately grabbed a big garbage bag to pick up the paper plates and paper cups that were left behind.

“Where have you been?” You asked Celeste sweetly. She jumped at the sound of your voice which was weird because she wasn’t jumpy.

“I-I went to my room to talk to my sister.” Celeste said. It was true, but she didn’t tell you why. You nodded and said, “Send her my regards.”

Celeste nodded and proceeded to clean up. You walked away and thanked your guests for coming to Hayden’s party. You’ve been avoiding Arvin for hours now and it was like he wanted to talk to you alone. You didn’t want to.

When everything was clean, it was already time for Hayden’s nighttime yoga routine. He quickly went to his room and started getting dressed in his yoga outfit. Celeste went to her room to grab her books, so that she could read while Hayden did his yoga. Jack went with them and Celeste was more than happy to know that the dog was joining them.

It was only you and Arvin in the living room. The tension was thick. You closed the door after the last guest left and Arvin started talking, “Why didn’t you call me when Hayden blew out his candle?”

“Was I supposed to?” You snapped and gave him a death glare which he seemed to return.

“Of course you were supposed to! I’m his dad and I should be there for him!”

“Why weren’t you present for most of the day, then? Where were you when I needed you? Where were you when I needed help with Hayden’s gifts? When I needed someone to give drinks to the adults, where were you? You weren’t around, Arvin. You were busy with God knows what!” You raised your voice.

“What are you saying?!” Arvin shouted.

“I’m saying that you’re not there for me and you haven’t been for a long fucking time!” You shouted back. This started a screaming match between the two of you. You didn’t even notice how loud you were shouting.

Hayden stopped doing yoga and looked at Celeste, “What’s going on?” Celeste looked at Hayden while listening closely. She sighed and told him, “Stay here. I’ll be right back.”

Celeste walked out of Hayden’s room not knowing that Hayden followed her out. She only realized that Hayden followed her when she heard Hayden shout, “Stop fighting!”

You and Arvin stopped to turn your heads to Hayden who was already crying at the sight of his angry parents. The sight of Hayden crying made you cry too. You walked towards him, but he ran away to hide in his room. He locked the door and Celeste was just standing there awkwardly.

You wiped away your tears and to your surprise, Celeste spoke up. “Ma’am, sir, um, please don’t fight anymore because Hayden will not like it. If you can’t stop fighting each other, do it for Hayden.” Celeste said softly as she looked at both of you.

“Hayden is a very nice kid and he’s very smart and he’s very obedient. He does everything you tell him to do even if he doesn’t like it because he knows that it will make you happy. He doesn’t deserve to have parents that are fighting all the time and he doesn’t deserve a family that has problems. If you have problems, just talk about it. Don’t yell.” Celeste told both of you. She was trying to be a peacemaker and both of you commended her for it. It wasn’t her job to be a peacemaker, but she’s being one right now.

“Sir, I saw you a while ago at the party with a girl and you gave her money. Being unfaithful is not nice. You should be faithful to your wife because she’s doing her best. If you don’t love her anymore, why are you here?” Celeste said. You knew she didn’t mean anything wrong, but Arvin took it the wrong way.

“Excuse me?” Arvin asked, offended. “I’m offended that you had to ask me why I’m here. I’m here because I live here. It’s my money, it’s my apartment, and everything here is from me! So don’t ask me why I’m-”

“She’s right, Arvin.” You said and turned to look at him. “I’m tired of all this fighting and all this pretending. From now on, I’ll sleep in Hayden’s room. If you enjoy sleeping with different women, you’re surely going to enjoy sleeping alone.” You snapped before leaving the living room to go to the bathroom to wash up.

Arvin glared at Celeste angrily and she said, “Sir, I understand if you fire me. It’s fine. I’m sorry for disrespecting you in your house. But before you fire me, think about what I said, sir. Also, think about your son. You can’t take care of him because of your job and your wife can’t take care of him because she’s busy with different things. If you fire me, no one else will look out for Hayden. Thank you for listening, sir.”

Celeste looked down and went to Hayden’s room in hopes that she could coax him into unlocking the door and letting her in.

Arvin sighed in distress and rubbed his face with his hands before going to the master’s bedroom and slamming the door.

-

Arvin didn’t know what happened. All he remembered was going to an event that was attended by his mob allies when all of a sudden, his rival mob attacked them all. A lot of shooting happened and he was sure that his mob friends were killed. He hoped they weren’t.

People were screaming and he heard someone crying at some point. His people were scattered everywhere and he didn’t know if they were alright. He didn’t get out scott-free, though. He got shot on his side and he was shooting his rivals all while trying to get out of the venue to get in the car and go back to his mansion.

When he arrived, Amelia was already on her feet and doing her tasks. She was the only doctor, but she pushed through and it amazed Arvin how Amelia could help them. He admired her and thought that she was strong. Her job isn’t easy, after all.

A few hours of taking out bullets from bodies and declaring one person dead on arrival, Amelia was finally finished with her job. She was in Arvin’s office to get her paycheck while Arvin wrote her salary on a check.

“$20,000” Arvin wrote before handing it to her with a tight-lipped smile. Amelia took the check gratefully.

“Thank you, Mr. Russell.” Amelia smiled before grabbing her bag and leaving. Arvin sighed and leaned back on his chair. He hasn’t been home for a while and Hayden didn’t want to speak with him whenever he called you to talk to Hayden. It broke his heart.

He put a hand on his gun wound and closed his eyes to rest for a while to think about his life. He never really thought that his life would turn out like this, but he knew that someday he’d have to take over the mob. When he took over, that’s when he met you.

In truth, he didn’t know how or what to feel when it comes to you. He’s confused. His thoughts were interrupted by his phone ringing which made him groan. He opened his eyes, grabbed his phone, and answered it without looking at the caller ID.

“Hello?” He answered.

“Hello, Russell.” His rival, George, said. Arvin could almost imagine the smug look on George’s face. Arvin gripped his phone tighter, “What do you want? You killed one of my men. Isn’t that enough?”

“Quite frankly, no. I would send my condolences to the deceased family, but I don’t really give a shit. Besides, it would teach you a lesson from stealing from me!”

“For the last time, I didn’t steal from you!” Arvin shouted.

“Your men joined my mob and stole from me!”

“It’s not stealing if they’re getting what’s rightfully ours.” Arvin hissed. “If anything, you stole from me!”

George scoffed, “If you really think that way, fine. Just know that you’ll pay for it.”

“I’m not paying for anything, George.” Arvin chuckled bitterly before pouring himself some scotch with one hand.

“Not even for your family?” George asked. “Wow, that shit’s cold.”

“What’re you talking about?” Arvin asked with furrowed eyebrows as he took a sip of his drink.

“Oh, you’re not informed?” George said sarcastically. “Your wife and son are here with me. If you don’t give me back what you stole from me, I’ll kill them. You know where to find me, Russell.”

George hung up and Arvin yelled in frustration. He sat up and winced because of his wound. He ran a hand through his hair and thought about how he’ll save you and Hayden. Him and his men talked about plans and when they were able to finalize, they wasted no time in going to George’s place.

The plan was going to George and giving him a duffel bag filled with rocks, so that he’ll think it’s the thing he was looking for; the thing he claimed Arvin’s men stole. Arvin decided that it’d be best for his men to ‘give it back’ to George while he and a few guys would look for you and Hayden.

Arvin heard George shouting about everything being fake and he heard gunshots. In a span of a few hours, his mob was shooting people again. He heard Hayden’s familiar cries and followed it while being covered by Javier, one of his men.

When Arvin found the room where George kept you and Hayden, he gasped when he saw you lying in your own blood, unconscious next to a weeping Hayden.

“Daddy!” Hayden cried and it made Arvin’s heart break. He had so many questions running through his mind. How long have you been unconscious? Why are you unconscious? Did they hurt both of you? Where’s Celeste?

Arvin quickly untied Hayden and he didn’t hesitate to wrap his arms around him. “It’s okay, buddy. Everything’ll be okay.” Arvin whispered and kissed the top of Hayden’s head. He lets go of Hayden and knelt beside your body. He untied you and panicked when he saw multiple gun wounds on you. He knew that if you stayed longer, you’d die.

Arvin turned to Hayden and said, “Listen to me, okay? Take care of mommy and don’t go anywhere. Got it?”

Hayden nodded and wiped his tears. “Are you coming back?”

“Of course, I’m coming back.” Arvin reassured him. He stood up and quickly left the room and shot every person from his rival mob. When he saw George, all Arvin saw was red and started beating the shit out of his rival.

George didn’t get a chance to defend himself because Arvin just kept throwing punches and hits. Arvin wanted George dead for bringing his family into their problems. Arvin didn’t care about George’s bloody and bruised state. Arvin pushed George to the ground and whipped out his gun.

“This is for my family.” Arvin panted. He looked at George in the eye and shot his head mercilessly. He looked at his surroundings and saw that almost everyone in George’s mob was dead and the few that were alive, are either unconscious or terribly bruised.

Arvin ran back to the room and picked up Hayden. “I told you I’d be back.” He said as Hayden rested his head on the crook of Arvin’s neck.

Arvin ordered one of his men to carry you and immediately drove to the mansion. Arvin called Amelia and said that he needed her ASAP.

“Mr. Russell, it’s late and it’s not my schedule.” Amelia said groggily. She was already deeply sleeping and Arvin disturbed her greatly.

“I know, I know and I’m sorry. I need you ASAP, Amelia. It’s my wife this time.” Arvin said frantically. They arrived at the mansion and rushed you to the medical room where Amelia was hours before.

Hayden was asleep in Arvin’s arms and he went to his room to let Hayden sleep there comfortably. He hears shuffling around on Amelia’s end as he did his best to tuck Hayden in.

“I’m on my way.” Amelia said.

“Okay, please hurry.” Arvin pleaded before hanging up. He looked at Hayden and smiled a bit at the sight of his son fast asleep. He quietly left the room and rushed to the medical room where you were being kept. He wasn’t a doctor and he didn’t know what to do. Time was running out and for the first time in years, he finally saw you.

He finally realized how important you are in his life. He finally realized that it would hurt him deeply if you were gone. He couldn’t imagine going on with life without you by his side. He didn’t notice Amelia walking in the medical room and he only acknowledged her presence when he was being escorted out of the room by her.

“Wait, no! I want to say, Am-”

“You know you can’t.” Amelia said sternly. “It’s protocol. You can’t be here. Just wait outside.” Amelia pushed the mobster out the room and locked it. The whole time he waited, Arvin was pacing back and forth. He was restless. Who wouldn’t be? If your spouse is undergoing a procedure, you’d want to know about them, right? Arvin had no clue how you were doing.

Three hours later, the door opened and Amelia stepped out of the room. She was clearly tired. Arvin stopped pacing and stared at Amelia who only said, “She’s okay.”

“Thank you.” Arvin sighed in relief as he walked towards the room.

“You don’t need to pay me. Consider it a freebie. I know what it’s like to grow up without a mom at a young age and I don’t want that to happen to Hayden. Take care, sir.” Amelia smiled softly before leaving.

Arvin went into the room and pulled up a chair to sit next to your bed. He held your hand and stared at you. It’s been a long time since he’s seen your face. You were beautiful. You always have been and always will. Seeing you unconscious scared him greatly and it made him realize how much he still loves and cares about you.

“Y/N, I’m sorry this happened to you. I mean it.” Arvin said softly. “I love you. I’m sorry it took me almost losing you to realize that. You don’t know how sorry I am, sweetheart.”

“I can’t imagine the pain you must have felt when Celeste came clean about seeing me and some other girl on Hayden’s birthday. But I know you, Y/N. I know that you’ve always had a feeling that I was unfaithful and I can’t imagine your heartbreak when you found out about it being true.”

“When we first got together, I promised I wouldn’t do anything to hurt you. I’m sorry for breaking that promise. I’ll be better for you, Y/N. I’ll come home and I’ll stay with you whenever you need me. I’ll be present for Hayden and I don’t want to argue with you anymore. I want us to go back to normal and I know it’ll be hard for you, but I’m willing to try.” Arvin said with hope in his eyes.

“I also know that you’re awake and that you can hear me clearly.” He added as he looked at you. You slowly opened your eyes and looked at him, “I hate that you know me well.”

“I actually love it. It makes me feel like I’m still in touch with you. Lord knows I’d be heartbroken if I can’t read you anymore.” He chuckled lightly before pressing a light kiss on your hand.

“Did you mean what you said? Trying again?” You asked and he nodded. “Then, I’ll try too.”

Being married to a mobster wasn’t easy. Everything has to be kept under wraps whilst having a lavish lifestyle. But when you’re young, you’re naive and you think that everything will work out and you’ll live happily ever after like some Disney fairytale. Everyone seems to forget that Disney princess stories were adapted from the Brothers Grimm and Hans Christian Andersen.

However, some relationships work out and your marriage turns into something better than before. It happened to you and Arvin. He kept his promises and soon, you were blessed with a second child. Celeste was alright and you treated her like a sister you never had. In return for sending her to college, she did well in her studies and made sure to show you her grades which made you proud.

Everything was coming together and you were thankful that things took a nice turn. Your life as a mobster's wife wasn’t so bad, after all.

* * * *

𝐍𝐄𝐖 𝐀𝐑𝐕𝐈𝐍 𝐑𝐔𝐒𝐒𝐄𝐋𝐋 𝐓𝐀𝐆𝐋𝐈𝐒𝐓: @cocoamoonmalfoy @parkerpeter24 @slutforsr @rumplebutterbaby @dummiesshort @quxxnxfhxll @bora-world @supred12 @more-like-reyna

𝐍𝐄𝐖 𝐆𝐄𝐍𝐄𝐑𝐀𝐋 𝐓𝐀𝐆𝐋𝐈𝐒𝐓: @holland-styles @trustfundparker @calltothewild @felicityparkers @hufflepuffprincess24 @tommysparker @justasmisunderstoodasloki @quaksonhehe @call-me-baby-gir1 @itstaskeen @theonly1outof-a-billion @lost-in-the-stars03 @justafangirlduh @piscesparker @speedymaximoff @miraclesoflove @lexirv @blairscott @getbywithasmile @pqrkerr @lavender-writer @blackbat2020 @hoodpankow @bi-lmg @emmastarz

[lazyneonrabbitt]

Full moon meetings

Werewolf!Daryl Dixon x Reader

You get stuck in the woods, surrounded by walkers when something saves your life.

Running from walkers was terrible. The only upside here was that you were alone and you could hide way easier than with a group. The other bad part was that it was currently late at night and you had to leave most of your stuff at your campsite because of the small herd that woke you up. The slightly better part was the full moon brightening the area which helped you spot a cabin up ahead to hide in until the walkers passed.

You rushed in and blocked the door behind you, waiting for the herd to pass. When it finally did you carefully scouted the way you came from and backtracked towards your campsite with the hopes that everything was still fine. On your way back you managed to avoid running into another small group of walkers but your camp was ravaged. You could find two knives that you took with you but the bag of food you had to leave behind was trampled completely. Now you were stuck in the woods, alone and with no food.

Your group had ditched you after you've gotten in a fight with someone and they all chose their side instead of yours. You sighed and dug around for anything that was still good enough to take with you and left for the cabin again. Memories of the fight that got you into this mess kept repeating in your head, causing you to not notice a ditch that you casually stepped into and slipped with a shriek, alarming all the walkers you so desperately tried to avoid. This time you didn't have enough time to escape and ended up surrounded, slowly taking down stumbling walkers but it wasn't long before you had them all getting too close too fast and there was no way out of this for you this time.

Not until you heard more growling, but a different kind then walkers' growls. You cowered down and hid your head between your knees, just waiting for it all to be over with as the growling became louder and the shine of the moon seemed to disappear underneath you. There was more growling and a lot of movement but nothing seemed to be directed at you and it surprised you how long you were actually surviving this whole thing. When the walkers' growls died down and the movements seemed to stop, the moon shone on the ground near you again and you carefully lifted your head to look at what happened, only to touch your nose against something wet before opening your eyes. You jumped up with a scream and ran off in the opposite direction, frantically looking back to see a giant creature standing among the corpses of the walkers that surrounded you just now. It didn't seem to move as you slowed your run and rounded it from a large distance, back on your way to the cabin to hole up in for the night, hoping the creature wasn't gonna attack you when it got hungry again. Finally back at the cabin you sat down and let out all the anger and frustration you had bottled up and cried into the murky bed that sat in the far corner. A group of walkers got in the way of his search for food. These nights were best for hunting and he always brought back the largest catch for the community. the ones who knew never spoke about it, and the ones who didn't never seemed to question it and somehow all accepted that the moonlight helped seeing late at night so it was easier to make multiple kills in one night. The group of walkers was a big one, but split after a noise somewhere further down into the woods which he also decided to follow. He came across a small campsite with only one sleeping bag and minimal supplies when another small group passed through, ruining everything in sight. He decided to watch from a distance to see what the walkers were fixated on and after a while of observing he ended on a survivor in the middle of another small section of the herd, surrounded and unable to get out by themselves. He watched as the person gave up and crawled down. As if his body moved on its own he jumped in and started gnawing away at the walkers, clawing and biting at them until all of them were down. He stepped away from the girl and sniffed around her, trying to smell for other humans or any sign of a walker bite but he found none. While he was busy she had raised her head and bumped her nose against his and jumped up with a shriek. He stepped back in confusion and stared as she ran off into the distance. He stalked her back to the cabin and decided to go back to hunting after seeing she got in safe.Normally he'd store his kills in the cabin but for now he'd have to think of something else.

You woke up later, your eyes still hurt from crying so it took a while longer to get adjusted to the darkness. When you were able to see properly again you checked out the cabin again, better this time now that you were safe and rested. While staring at the far wall you dragged yourself out of bed, stepping on something and dropping to the floor. Said something moved. "What the.. Shit!!" You called out as you tried to get away from the thing that you ran into earlier. It was large, covered in fur, and ..snoring? No, that wasn't a snore. That was more of a huff. Shit, you woke it up. It grumbled as it opened an eye to see what happened and saw you on the floor, staring in fear. It decided to get up and move further away from the bed and plop down on the floor again, keeping an eye on you until it had settled and closed them again to continue its sleep. Carefully getting back up you to make it back to the bed you spotted something near the door. Taking a better look you saw it was a pile of animals, not chewed down or torn apart but seemingly skillfully hunted. From what you could see there wasn't a lot of blood on them but their necks were clawed open or twisted in a gross way so you stopped looking and lied back down. Rest didn't really come anymore so when it was getting brighter outside you carefully snuck out of the cabin with all your stuff and left without waking the thing that accompanied you.

"I'm heading back to my group now, bye." You whispered softly as you closed the cabin door and walked off to what you hoped was your next safe stop and some food.

After what felt like an eternity you managed to catch a fish to fry and finally eat something. You took a break at the riverside and moved on after you had rested enough. You walked for a bit when you ended up on a road with a sign telling you about a place called Alexandria, a safe space according to the writing. It felt like a dream come true and you quickly made your way towards where the sign told you to go and close to sundown you finally arrived at the gates. You were quickly called after by someone on top of the gates. They asked you all kinds of questions  after someone opened one part of the gates before letting you in. A small group had gathered already and a guy named Aaron had given you some water and was talking to you together with another guy who introduced himself as Rick. He was a lot less nice than Aaron but you understood where his concerns came from. "She's fine. Quit bein' harsh on her." A gruff voice spoke from behind them. A guy with long shaggy hair moved into the group and you tried your hardest to remember if you ever saw him before but you had no idea who he was. "Ya said ya were goin' back to yer group. Why're ya here alone?" The two other men looked at him with confused looks on their faces but you tried to go along with what he said. "Yeah, I don't have a group. Thanks again for saving my ass. I didn't want to be bothering you any more than I already did." You said apologetic, hoping you came across convincing enough. "S'alright. good ya found this place." He added before going into a discussion with the other two, just out of your earshot. The man named Rick came back and brought the news that you were accepted into their community as long as you posed no threat to anyone and pulled your weight in the group. You agreed to all the terms he gave you and led you to an empty home where you could live for tonight. They all understood you were tired and left you alone for the time being. After you cleaned yourself up you went to sit down on your porch to take in your surroundings. It all felt surreal, it looked like this place had never even seen a walker at all.

"Hey, you." The guy from before made his way over to your porch and sat down next to the bench, keeping an acceptable distance to not scare you off. You welcomed him and moved down to sit closer so you could talk easier. "You saved me last night, didn't you." You asked quietly, not sure if it was something okay to ask about. He nodded and thanked you for not freaking out about it. "S'alright. My name's Daryl."

"Thank you for saving my ass, really. And for  saying what you did when I got here." You had introduced yourself before at the gate and now you talked about how you lost your group and ended up in the area. It was clear you were skilled enough to survive on you own as long as you didn't get caught off guard. "So, am I allowed yo ask about last night?" You wondered carefully, earning a smile and a nod. He told you about his hunting trips during the full moons and the further his story went, the more he wondered how you were so calm about it all. "I guess I have a soft spot for big monsters that are nice to people? I used to watch old monster movies for days on end before al of this." You turned away shyly. "I gotta admit, I've always been a sucker for werewolves." Saying that out loud made you want to curl up and disappear, but instead of being answered with something hurtful or being laughed at, you got a genuine smile and a "Glad I saved yer ass, then." He replied casually. "Finally someone who ain't scared of that side." The sad tone in his voice was hard to miss now and you felt bad for him. You gave him your biggest smile and leaned closer to him. "I like both of your sides."

You were new here and it was all still a little scary, but you knew it was all going to be alright with your big, not so bad wolf at your side.

[agentrouka-blog]

Tyrion and Tysha murder mystery hints - first mention in the text

This thing just keeps tugging at me, and this recent thread made me ambitious to examine it in more detail. So I’ll look at hints for an even darker edge to the story of Tyrion and Tysha in the parts of the text that actually mention her.

Since I have limited time, I’ll do several posts. This one is about how we learn about Tysha in A Game of Thrones.

We head into AGOT, Tyrion VI via a chapter transition from AGOT, Jon V, where Jon talks Maester Aemon into choosing Samwell as his assistant. In the presence of his current assistant Chett, who - it is revealed later in the ASOS Prologue - murdered a girl he liked for rejecting him.

Chett gave a nasty laugh. “I’ve seen what happens to soft lordlings when they’re put to work. Set them to churning butter and their hands blister and bleed. Give them an axe to split logs, and they cut off their own foot.”

“I know one thing Sam could do better than anyone.”

“Yes?” Maester Aemon prompted.

Jon glanced warily at Chett, standing beside the door, his boils red and angry. “He could help you,” he said quickly. “He can do sums, and he knows how to read and write. I know Chett can’t read, and Clydas has weak eyes. Sam read every book in his father’s library. He’d be good with the ravens too. Animals seem to like him. Ghost took to him straight off. There’s a lot he could do, besides fighting. The Night’s Watch needs every man. Why kill one, to no end? Make use of him instead.”

Maester Aemon closed his eyes, and for a brief moment Jon was afraid that he had gone to sleep. Finally he said, “Maester Luwin taught you well, Jon Snow. Your mind is as deft as your blade, it would seem.”

“Does that mean …?”

“It means I shall think on what you have said,” the maester told him firmly. “And now, I believe I am ready to sleep. Chett, show our young brother to the door.”

(AGOT, Jon V)

The chapter is followed by AGOT, Tyrion VI, where Tyrion and Bronn rest on the high road after being kicked out of the Gates of the Moon, after he won his trial by combat:

They had taken shelter beneath a copse of aspens just off the high road. Tyrion was gathering dead-wood while their horses took water from a mountain stream. He stooped to pick up a splintered branch and examined it critically. “Will this do? I am not practiced at starting fires. Morrec did that for me.” 

The entire conversation between Jon, Aemon and Chett sets up Tyrion. A lordling, bad with manual labor, but smart and a reader. Yet we know he is no Samwell Tarly in his sensibilities, and the last sentence is dedicated to Chett.

Chett...

The only women Chett had ever known were the whores he’d bought in Mole’s Town. When he’d been younger, the village girls took one look at his face, with its boils and its wen, and turned away sickened. The worst was that slattern Bessa. She’d spread her legs for every boy in Hag’s Mire so he’d figured why not him too? He even spent a morning picking wildflowers when he heard she liked them, but she’d just laughed in his face and told him she’d crawl in a bed with his father’s leeches before she’d crawl in one with him. She stopped laughing when he put his knife in her. That was sweet, the look on her face, so he pulled the knife out and put it in her again. When they caught him down near Sevenstreams, old Lord Walder Frey hadn’t even bothered to come himself to do the judging. He’d sent one of his bastards, that Walder Rivers, and the next thing Chett had known he was walking to the Wall with that foul-smelling black devil Yoren. To pay for his one sweet moment, they took his whole life.

But now he meant to take it back, and Craster’s women too. That twisted old wildling has the right of it. If you want a woman to wife you take her, and none of this giving her flowers so that maybe she don’t notice your bloody boils. Chett didn’t mean to make that mistake again.

Like Tyrion, Chett is rejected by others for his appearance, has a violent father and a lot of resentment that comes out in the shape of murdering “slatterns”. He also mixes it up with the idea of marriage. Like Tyrion, the cold night reminds Chett of the girl in his past.

He could see Bessa’s face floating before him. It wasn’t the knife I wanted to put in you, he wanted to tell her. I picked you flowers, wild roses and tansy and goldencups, it took me all morning. His heart was thumping like a drum, so loud he feared it might wake the camp. Ice caked his beard all around his mouth. Where did that come from, with Bessa? Whenever he’d thought of her before, it had only been to remember the way she’d looked, dying. What was wrong with him?

Chett killed her in a rage, but the truth is layered and haunts him.

But back to Tyrion.

Tyrion VI emphasizes Tyrion’s cleverness as he converses with Bronn, explaining his strategy in the Vale for how to steal Bronn from Cat’s service and make use of his practical talents, and his strategy for their travels in the Mountains of the Moon. Tyrion talks, Bronn listens and agrees to serve him.

The point is, Tyrion is very observant and smart. Reader, trust Tyrion’s judgent and words, is the message. Then we get more personal.

As they light a fire and eat a goat, Tyrion remembers his goaler Mord who treated him cruelly in the sky cells.

(Mord, btw, translates to murder in many a germanic/Scandinvian language.)

“And yet you gave the turnkey a purse of gold,” Bronn said.

“A Lannister always pays his debts.”

Even Mord had scarcely believed it when Tyrion tossed him the leather purse. The gaoler’s eyes had gone big as boiled eggs as he yanked open the drawstring and beheld the glint of gold. “I kept the silver,” Tyrion had told him with a crooked smile, “but you were promised the gold, and there it is.” It was more than a man like Mord could hope to earn in a lifetime of abusing prisoners. “And remember what I said, this is only a taste. If you ever grow tired of Lady Arryn’s service, present yourself at Casterly Rock, and I’ll pay you the rest of what I owe you.” With golden dragons spilling out of both hands, Mord had fallen to his knees and promised that he would do just that.

The image of coins spilling from hands is picked up later.

Tyrion was hoping to lure in the mountain clans, but they take their time showing up, so he tries to be even more conspicuous.

Tyrion chuckled. “Then we ought to sing and send them fleeing in terror.” He began to whistle a tune.

He chooses the “terrible” tune himself. It leads straight to his memory:

“Myrish. ‘The Seasons of My Love.’ Sweet and sad, if you understand the words. The first girl I ever bedded used to sing it, and I’ve never been able to put it out of my head.” Tyrion gazed up at the sky. It was a clear cold night and the stars shone down upon the mountains as bright and merciless as truth. “I met her on a night like this,” he heard himself saying. “Jaime and I were riding back from Lannisport when we heard a scream, and she came running out into the road with two men dogging her heels, shouting threats.

Myrish, as in the Myrish lens. The object Lysa sends Catelyn, which has a false bottom hiding the real message in a secret language, a message of murder and conspiracy. A secret language, a foreign language, like Mord.

"A lens is an instrument to help us see."     (AGOT, Catelyn II)

Bright and merciless as truth.

My brother unsheathed his sword and went after them, while I dismounted to protect the girl. She was scarcely a year older than I was, dark-haired, slender, with a face that would break your heart. It certainly broke mine. Lowborn, half-starved, unwashed … yet lovely. They’d torn the rags she was wearing half off her back, so I wrapped her in my cloak while Jaime chased the men into the woods. By the time he came trotting back, I’d gotten a name out of her, and a story. She was a crofter’s child, orphaned when her father died of fever, on her way to … well, nowhere, really.

Where Tysha went will become a theme. @une-nuit-pour-se-souvenir examines that beautifully here.

But even right here, the tone is ominous, and GRRM goes out of his way to emphasize it with the ellipses.

We get the story of Jaime chasing after the outlaws and Tyrion and Tysha falling into bed at an inn after drinking, eating and talking, and the story of their marriage, and its end.

Tyrion was surprised at how desolate it made him feel to say it, even after all these years. Perhaps he was just tired. “That was the end of my marriage.” He sat up and stared at the dying fire, blinking at the light.

“He sent the girl away?”

“He did better than that,” Tyrion said. ���First he made my brother tell me the truth. The girl was a whore, you see. Jaime arranged the whole affair, the road, the outlaws, all of it. He thought it was time I had a woman. He paid double for a maiden, knowing it would be my first time.

NOTHING about this makes sense, which is ridiculous when you consider we were just hammered over the head with how smart Tyrion is supposed to be.

Since when is Jaime prone to setting up complex schemes? Why would feel the need to push Tyrion to have sex at thirteen, and why would be ever do it this way? Why would be hire him a virgin for his first time? We don’t question it because GRRM has told us not to question the smartiepants. But as we later learn, that was all. not. true. So maybe other things aren’t true, either.

“After Jaime had made his confession, to drive home the lesson, Lord Tywin brought my wife in and gave her to his guards. They paid her fair enough. A silver for each man, how many whores command that high a price? He sat me down in the corner of the barracks and bade me watch, and at the end she had so many silvers the coins were slipping through her fingers and rolling on the floor, she …” The smoke was stinging his eyes. Tyrion cleared his throat and turned away from the fire, to gaze out into darkness. “Lord Tywin had me go last,” he said in a quiet voice. “And he gave me a gold coin to pay her, because I was a Lannister, and worth more.”

The parallels to his memory of Mord are striking. Silver and gold, coins spilling from hands, a “price” beyond expectation... and a promise of something very sinister at the next meeting.

After a time he heard the noise again, the rasp of steel on stone as Bronn sharpened his sword. “Thirteen or thirty or three, I would have killed the man who did that to me.”

1) Nice how Bronn makes it about Tyrion’s pain. Tysha’s pain does not exist to them. And so the reader is also drawn away from it. Poor Tyrion.

2) Another reference to killing. It foreshadows Tyrion’s murder of Tywin over this very matter, of course, but at the same time...

Tyrion gestured impatiently with the bow. “Tysha. What did you do with her, after my little lesson?”

“I don’t recall.”

“Try harder. Did you have her killed?”

His father pursed his lips. “There was no reason for that, she’d learned her place … and had been well paid for her day’s work, I seem to recall. I suppose the steward sent her on her way. I never thought to inquire.”

“On her way where?”

“Wherever whores go.”

Tyrion’s finger clenched.  (ASOS, Tyrion XI)

I don’t think it can be emphasized enough that this happens right after he murders Shae. Shae the whore.

“Did you ever like it?” He cupped her cheek, remembering all the times he had done this before. All the times he’d slid his hands around her waist, squeezed her small firm breasts, stroked her short dark hair, touched her lips, her cheeks, her ears. All the times he had opened her with a finger to probe her secret sweetness and make her moan. “Did you ever like my touch?”

“More than anything,” she said, “my giant of Lannister.”

That was the worst thing you could have said, sweetling.

Tyrion slid a hand under his father’s chain, and twisted. The links tightened, digging into her neck. “For hands of gold are always cold, but a woman’s hands are warm,” he said. He gave cold hands another twist as the warm ones beat away his tears.

And just before he asks him about Tysha, Tywin assures him he was meant to be sent to the Wall. Whether or not that’s a lie, we’re looking at another Chett parallel. Murdering a “slattern”, facing life at the Wall.

We close Tyrion’s memory of Tysha:

Tyrion swung around to face him. “You may get that chance one day.  Remember what I told you. A Lannister always pays his debts.” He yawned. “I think I will try and sleep. Wake me if we’re about to die.”

He rolled himself up in the shadowskin and shut his eyes. The ground was stony and cold, but after a time Tyrion Lannister did sleep. He dreamt of the sky cell. This time he was the gaoler, not the prisoner, big, with a strap in his hand, and he was hitting his father, driving him back, toward the abyss …

Like Chett, his thoughts return to the girl. He turns into the goaler, Mord, his rage comes through, his capability of great violence. In ASOS, his lashing out at Tywin is preceeded by directing his violence toward the “whore” who allegedly betrayed him. Which is preceeded by a truth about Tysha.

“Thank you?” Tyrion’s voice was choked. “He gave her to his guards. A barracks full of guards. He made me … watch.” Aye, and more than watch. I took her too … my wife …

“I never knew he would do that. You must believe me.”

“Oh, must I?” Tyrion snarled. “Why should I believe you about anything, ever? She was my wife!”

“Tyrion—”

He hit him. It was a slap, backhanded, but he put all his strength into it, all his fear, all his rage, all his pain. Jaime was squatting, unbalanced. The blow sent him tumbling backward to the floor. “I … I suppose I earned that.”

“Oh, you’ve earned more than that, Jaime. You and my sweet sister and our loving father, yes, I can’t begin to tell you what you’ve earned. But you’ll have it, that I swear to you. A Lannister always pays his debts.” Tyrion waddled away, almost stumbling over the turnkey again in his haste. Before he had gone a dozen yards, he bumped up against an iron gate that closed the passage. Oh, gods. It was all he could do not to scream.

(ASOS, Tyrion XI)

The turnkey here is interesting. Once again, Tysha’s memory is associated with a cell and the presence of a turnkey. In his anguished memory, Tyrion almost stumbles over him. The last turnkey was Mord.

So, just looking at Tysha’s first mention, there are so many ominous connections. Murder murder murder.

The chapter ends with Tyrion meeting and “hiring” the mountain clans. How? To avenge himself on Lysa Arryn, he promises them the entire Vale. Really driving home that “a Lannister pays his debts” is all about disproportionate retribution.

A few chapter later, to create some distance to this dark tale, Tyrion meets Shae and sets up to re-create his entire Tysha trauma. The two are intertwined, so why should their ends not be?

That’s fodder for a different post, though.

[scarletdawnxx-blog]

Nightmares: A Bucky Barnes x Reader Story. Chapter 6

Steve loaded the last of your things into the truck you were taking. Stark wanted you to test out a new all electric option, he had decided he wanted to break into the all-electric vehicle game, he didn’t want to be shown up by Elon. Stark was all about going greener nowadays. You hadn’t seen much of Bucky since your date and your heart sank a little. Maybe the feelings weren’t as mutual as you thought. You tried to make it as unnoticeable as possible that you had been looking for him. You couldn’t really think of an excuse to linger any longer.

  “Well, I guess this is goodbye,” Steve said, putting the last bag in.

“Don’t say it like that, I’m only three hours away. You won’t get rid of me that easily.” You replied trying to lighten the mood. You would see them all again. They were your family. Nat smiled and gave you a tight hug. You had already said your goodbyes to everyone else. Tony was trying to play it cool but you could tell it was getting to him. He had treated you like you were one of his own, but you knew with the new Parker kid coming on board he would be just fine. Steve came in and gave you a big, crushing hug next. “Steve I can’t breathe,” you gasped out and he laughed. He kissed the top of your head and let you go. He was the big brother you always wanted, but it wasn’t his arms and laugh you were wishing for at that moment.

  “You let us know when you get there safely,” Steve said in a serious voice. You nodded and looked around the garage one last time. You opened the door to the truck and started to get in. He didn’t come to say goodbye. Your eyes met Steve’s and he gave you a sad smile. He knew who you had been looking for. Letting out a breath you climbed in and pulled away watching Steve and Nat get smaller and smaller in the rearview mirror.

  After the drive, you finally pulled up to the address you were given and it wasn’t what you were expecting. It was as if someone had dropped a very large English countryside manor in the middle of upstate New York. You made your way up to the front and were met at the door by Jean, you would know her in an instant, her hair was unforgettable.

  “Hello again Y/N” she greeted you with a smile. “The professor is waiting for you in his study.” She said and ushered you inside. The school was beautiful. Warm and inviting, with so much charm and character. You could tell there was a lot of love and happiness in these halls.

  Jean led you to a large office just off the main stairs. The professor was sitting behind his desk looking over papers. He looked up and smiled at the two of you and you cocked your head a little, catching your first glimpse at the Professor's feelings. Relief. It surprised you since even when you had tried to use them on him you were met with nothing. Completely locked out.

  “Y/N, it is so good to see you again. I hope the drive was pleasant,” he said and wheeled himself from behind the desk.

  “Yes, it was peaceful, you have a beautiful home here,” you replied, trying to make polite conversation.

  “Thank you, this has been in my family for generations. Shall I give you the tour?” he asked and ushered you back into the hall. You nodded and followed. “The first floor is offices and classrooms. You’ll find the kitchen at the far back, dormitories are the second and third upper levels as well as common areas. There is a pool, sports courts, and gymnasium around the grounds as well.” The professor went on as you followed him down the halls, he would point out the occasional tidbit here and there. You followed along and listened as he explained the classes offered. It really was a school for gifted kids and not just for their abilities but intelligence as well. You stopped suddenly when an overwhelming sense of grief hit you. You looked around and saw a young girl sitting in a window seat, staring out into the yard she couldn’t be more than ten or eleven. The professor noticed.

“Ah, that’s Rose. She has been with us for about six months now. She hasn’t spoken since coming here.” He explained and you looked from him back to her. What had happened that made her feel that kind of pain.

  “What happened to her?” You asked quietly.

  “Her powers manifested violently. It left her an orphan. She blames herself. I haven’t been able to reach her.” He said sadly. The poor girl. You approached her gently.

  “Hello Rose, my name is Y/N, can I sit with you?” You asked her and she nodded. You sat across from her and looked out the window as well. You looked back to Rose and focused. Her grief and self-loathing were overwhelming, you wanted to cry and scream out from everything she was feeling. How could she stay so silent with all that inside of her? “It wasn’t your fault.” You whispered to her and she looked at you shocked. “I can help if you want.” You offered up to her with a small smile and gave her a small glimpse of what your power could do, letting it just sweep gently over the grief like a balm. You caught a glimpse of the memory that these feelings were attached to. The utter destruction. Not even knowing what she could do she was powerful. “You didn’t know, couldn’t have known, what was happening. I know you miss them and blame yourself, but it wasn’t you.” You told her, taking her hand in yours. You had said something similar to Bucky and your heart grew sadder. “Don’t let this consume you,” you pleaded with her. Her anger was bubbling to the surface. She believed she needed to be punished. That she deserved to live in her own hell forever and that trying to take that away from her would take away her identity.  You wanted to show her a different way. “You know I have a friend who was a lot like you. He was forced to do terrible things, kill people. He didn’t have a choice but he still felt the guilt of everything that he was forced to do. It was eating him alive. He would have terrible nightmares, do you have nightmares?” You asked her and she only gave you a slight nod. “I could help with that. I could make them stop. Make all of it stop. You will always miss them, but it doesn’t have to hurt.” You told her hoping to get through. She began to cry and you scooted and held her close as she cried and cried. You held her and let her cry, you could feel her heart breaking over and over again as the cries echoed through the empty halls. When she had settled back down you pushed the hair from her face and wiped her tears away. “Would you like me to help?” you asked her again and she nodded. You smiled at her and just as quickly those feelings were gone. The grief, the blame, the pain. You took it all from her. She blinked at you and threw her arms around you in a hug. You smiled and hugged her back.

  “Thank you,” she whispered in your ear.

  “Of course, dear one.” You held her until she let go. “Why don’t you go rinse your face with some cool water. It will make you feel better and get a little rest. I’m going to go talk with the professor and get settled in. Find me later and we can go for a walk?” you asked and she nodded and bounded off.

  “You don’t know what you have done for that girl.” The Professor said.

  “Why have you never tried to use your abilities on her?” you asked wondering why he hasn’t helped her past her grief yet.

  “I have tried reaching her through her mind, she was so lost in her grief I wanted to give her time, see if she could come out of it on her own.” He explained.

  “She is a child, did you not think to try harder, to get her into therapy?” you asked annoyed that he let a child live in that grief for six whole months. The professor didn’t have an answer for that and continued on. You huffed but fell into step beside him. He led you to an elevator that began to take you below the main level. When the doors opened you were once again surprised by what you were seeing. An entire underground complex below the manor house. Here everything was bright and high tech and reminded you of the compound.

  “These levels are restricted to the children. Only those who have been deemed X-Men are allowed on this level. We have training rooms, labs, weapons room, and a hanger for the jet.” He explained as you followed him down the hall until you came to a large round door with an X across it. The professor approached and a retinal scanner activated. The doors opened to reveal a massive round room. A large platform jutting into the center. “This is Cerebro, this is how I found you, how I find more like us.” He said and you followed him in. You were in awe of the cavernous room. Metal panels lined the entire thing and a small control panel sat at the end of the walk way that led to the center. “I know this is all new to you and a lot to take in. It has always been my wish to help those who feel lost and different. Not everyone can always be helped.”  He said sadly and you knew there was more there to dive into but now wasn’t the time. “I hope that you can find the answers you are looking for here, and perhaps help us, as you helped Rose.” You followed him back out of the room and he led you to a lab where you were greeted with a very large blue, something. “This is Doctor Hank McCoy.” The professor introduced and he extended his hand which engulfed your own.

  “It’s a pleasure to meet you.” He responded and you smiled and nodded.

“You as well. What are you a doctor of?” you asked, looking around the lab. The doctor was full of curiosity and it made you feel a little like a lab rat.

  “Biochemistry and genetics, I also teach science and mathematics.” He explained. So, he was a super genius. Were all mutants this highly intelligent? You nodded and wrapped your arms around yourself, a habit that made you feel a little more protected from the outside world. “If you wouldn’t mind, I would like to run some tests on you, when you are ready of course.” Hank continued.

“What kind of tests and why do you need to run them?” you asked, trying not to sound fearful.

  “To get a grasp on the extent of your mutation to better help you and us to understand it and to learn how to harness it.” Hank said with a reassuring smile.

  “Hank has been invaluable in unlocking the secrets to mutation and helping all of us understand ourselves better. It doesn’t have to be right away. Get settled in, take some time, and Hank will be here when you are ready.” The Professor offered.

  “It has already been a long morning. If I could settle in a little, I would love to have a conversation with you Dr. McCoy, this is all just very new and a little overwhelming if I’m honest.” You offered up. It had been a long morning already. You had been on the road by eight in the morning and that was after loading the truck and saying goodbyes.

  “Of course, I will show you to your room Y/N” The professor said and you followed him from the lab. He took you to the third floor from the main level. This was where most of the instructors and so-called X-Men had rooms. Someone had already brought all your things in and your life was just a stack of boxes and bags in an unfamiliar room and all of a sudden the change really set in and a melancholy set into your chest. The professor excused himself and you shut the door finally alone. You sat on the edge of the bed and put your head in your hands, the emotions overwhelming you. Right now, your friends and life seemed a world away and not just a few hours. You pulled your phone out and saw messages from Steve and Nat. Steve as always was encouraging and Nat sent pictures of Tony after he had an experiment literally blow up in his face and singed half an eyebrow off. You laughed sadly at the image. You missed them all so much already.