#but also i know my middle school self would cry if she knew i could paint like this now and didnt paint him at least once

[freylaverse]

I played a game with eleven fools who told me not to break the rules But when have angels ever helped me yet?

[gwennybriggs]

Beyond The Classroom

Pt. 1

I don’t expect this one to be very popular, this is a self indulgent piece 🫡

Summary: Once a Little Eagle, always a Little Eagle. Melissa keeps that promise to you year after year as she shows up for you in every possible way.

Warnings: Child abuse, neglect, abandonment, over all sad stuff (Mel makes it better!)

WC: 3.9k

Notes: Wrote this because it’s the week before Mother’s Day and I just want my mama (she’s an awful human being and will never be a part of my life again, 6 years no contact). Melissa is a comfort character for me, so I’m using this as a hug from her. I know there are plenty of other people with bad relationships with their moms (gotta love mommy issues), so I thought I’d share in case someone else would also like this hug.

I see you, I love you.

P.s. This story is about 85% based on events I experienced as a child/young adult. I’m thankful every day for the teachers who stepped in to be the parents I didn’t have.

You grew up in a not-so-wonderful household with abusive parents and older siblings who wouldn’t have noticed if you had decided to run away one day. Melissa Schemmenti knew. She was the one person you felt you could confide in as a child. She called CPS on your parents a handful of times during the year she taught you, in hopes of keeping you safe. Unfortunately, with a broken system and a mother who could sweet talk The Devil himself, your parents got off scot-free, leaving you to deal with the aftermath each time.

You would go into school the next day with a new bruise and tears in your eyes. Melissa would hold you close and let you cry all you could before pulling a chair up next to her own so you could be near your safe person all day. When it came time for dismissal, she would hug you extra tight and send a silent prayer to God that you’d walk through the doors again in the morning. On Fridays, she would sneak a Tupperware container of homemade food and a handful of snacks into your bag with a note that said ‘love you, kid’, knowing that your parents restricted your access to food and that she was probably the only person you heard those words from most days. The world sat heavy on your second grader shoulders and Melissa did everything she knew how to make it a little lighter.

Even as you moved on past second grade, Ms. Schemmenti was there. She would check in with each of your teachers at the beginning on the school year and pop in to say hello at lunch from time to time. If you had a particularly rough night at home you would stop by her room and ask her to hold you for a minute before other students arrived. She always obliged.

The day you moved on to middle school, Melissa cried right along with you. Both of you knew she wouldn’t be able to hug the hurt away or keep tabs on you as often. Of course, she made sure you knew how much she loved you, she gave you her personal phone number and said, “No matter how old you get or how far you go, you’ll always be my favorite little eagle. I’ll always be here for you if you need me and I mean it. If things go south at home, you call me and I’ll be there in a heartbeat. You’re gonna be okay.”

As the years passed, Melissa made sure she remained a constant- the only constant, really- in your life. Through your middle school years she became your tutor, meeting you at your school’s library every Thursday after dismissal to help you with your homework. Of course, those sessions were always a little more than just help with homework; she would bring you food and make sure you had clean clothes and basic necessities. One time you let it slip that your mother had ‘forgotten’ to buy you toothpaste and she dropped off a small bag of Colgate tubes on your front porch that night.

When you entered high school, Melissa made an effort to show up for every one of your art shows and track meets. Your parents never even made it to one, but Schemmenti was there. She always was. Your high school teachers even began to think Melissa was your mother; you never corrected them. And when you started working at the hoagie stand your sophomore year, Ms. Schemmenti would stop by once a week to have dinner with you.

The physical abuse dwindled a little as you got older and were able to fight back, but the verbal abuse got worse as a result. At one point during you senior year, your mother kicked you out after throwing a fit about you not inviting her to see you try on prom dresses. You called Melissa and she drove forty-five minutes at three in the morning to get you. Your mother knocked you to the ground and pulled fistfuls of hair, creating a tangled mess. When you were finally able to get her off of you, she screamed at you the entire time you packed your bag.

“FUCK YOU Y/N, YOU SELFISH BITCH! Couldn’t even include YOUR OWN MOTHER! It hurts, it’s almost like not getting invited to your WEDDING!” You dodged books and trinkets she threw at you as you tossed whatever sentimental things you could think of into trash bags to take with you. Photos of your grandparents, your favorite stuffed animal, and some of your artworks made it in before you heard Melissa honking in the driveway.

“You’ve never been my mom,” you seethed with tears streaming down your face as you dragged your bags down the stairs.

She blocked you from leaving at the bottom of the stairs and backhanded you, her ring catching the tender skin beneath your eye. You yelped in pain and stumbled forward, she grabbed you by the throat and squeezed. “You walk out that door and NEVER come back, you hear me? You are worthless, a waste of space and air.” She dug her nails into your skin before she released you and practically pushed you through the front door.

“You’ll never have to deal with me again. You want me out? I’m out.”

Your father followed behind with his fists balled up, “If you ever come back, it’ll be the last time you see daylight!”

Melissa waited for you by the car with her baseball bat, ready to swing if need be. Once your bags were in the backseat, Melissa tossed her baseball bat into the trunk and drove off. Your mother chased the car all the way down the driveway calling you every derogatory thing she could come up with.

The drive to Melissa’s house was silent save for the occasional quiet aob from both parties. Once you arrived, Melissa took your bags inside and walked you up the stairs to her bathroom to nurse your wounds. You winced as she swabbed your cheek with isopropyl alcohol and she frowned. “I’m so sorry, hon. I’m sorry I wasn’t there sooner to stop her.”

“Don’t be, you still showed up when I needed you. It coulda been a lot worse. Thank you,” you cried as you leaned your head against her stomach just like when you were a second grader.

She held you until your tears dried then left the room to grab a change of clothes for you. Moments later, she handed you a pair of her sweatpants and an oversized Eagles t-shirt. “You can take the bed tonight, I’ll sleep on the couch. My spare room doesn’t have a bed right now, but we can fix that tomorrow after I call out of work. You need anything before I head down, kid?”

You looked at the ground, embarrassed to even ask, “Would you maybe… would it be okay if…. never mind, it’s stupid.” You shook your head and climbed under the comforter, it smelled like Melissa.

She somehow knew exactly what you were asking without hearing the words. She climbed into the bed and lifted an arm for you to scoot in. “Of course, sweet girl, it’s not stupid at all. I’ll keep you safe, promise. Try to get some sleep, I’ll be right here.” You settled into her embrace and took a deep breath.

You whispered, “I love you, thank you.”

“I love you too, baby girl. Sleep tight,” she whispered back before pressing a kiss to the top of your head. Sleep was the last thing on her mind as she held you, watching as the rise of your chest slowed. She stayed awake the whole night, guarding your peace.

Late the following morning, you woke up to an empty bed and the sound of people in the house. You popped your head out into the hallway to see Melissa directing three men where to go with the new bed set. She heard the door creak and looked over at you with an apologetic smile, “Hey, hon, sorry to wake you! They’ll be outta here shortly. I called your school and work to let them know you wouldn’t be in for a few days so you don’t have to worry about it. I washed the clothes that were in your backpack, they’re sitting by my bathroom. There’s also a clean towel for you and a new toothbrush on the counter. You’re welcome to use my hairbrush and whatever else you need.” You smiled back at her and closed the door.

You picked an outfit from the pile of folded clothes and shut the bathroom door to shower. Your body was sore from the adrenaline and you groaned in pain as you shed your pajamas. Standing naked in the mirror, you looked over the marks your mother left on you. The nail marks on your neck were already scabbed over, but the gash under your eye was bruised and definitely going to leave a scar. You traced your fingers along each mark, tears forming in your eyes. The shower was hot enough to leave your skin red, you wanted to burn away any remnants of what happened to you. You sobbed loudly as you tried to detangle the mess of hair your mother created, it hurt and you were so worried that you’s just have to cut it all off.

There was a soft knock at the door. “Ya decent?” You opened the door for her and she gently took the brush from your hands. She directed you to sit backwards on the toilet while she worked at the knots on your head. You nearly fell asleep sitting there as she hummed and massaged conditioner into your hair, working diligently to make sure you kept your beautiful hair.

“You sleep okay,” She asked as she rinsed your hair in the sink.

“That was the best sleep I’ve had in a very long time. I haven’t slept in a bed in months, it was so soft.” You said it like it was nothing.

She paused. “Whatduya mean you haven’t slept in a bed in months?”

You sighed deeply. “They took my bed away because they said I was a whore and didn’t deserve one. I told them that I’m a virgin and they took the door off of my room, callin’ me a liar.” You hadn’t told her that detail when you saw her at one of your track meets a few months before. You figured you’d shared enough heartbreaking details with the woman, she didn’t need to be even more worried about you.

Hot tears silently flowed down her cheeks. She was angry. Not at you for not telling her, but at the low-lifes you called parents. “You gotta be fuckin’ kiddin’ me,” she spat. She was ready to call in one of her favors from The Tire Iron. “Well I’ll tell ya one thing, kiddo, you ain’t goin’ back there ever again. You’ll never be without ‘long as I’m around, ya got it? And you’re welcome to stay here for as long as you want, no strings attached.”

You choked back your own tears. “Thanks, Ms. Schemmenti. I truly appreciate you.” She wrapped your hair in a towel and you turned to hug her. “What would I do without you?”

“Starve, apparently,” she teased when your stomach growled loudly. She grabbed your chin to look at you, “And no more ‘Ms. Schemmenti’. You can call me Melissa, Mel, Aunt Mel, whatever you want, just not that. You’re family, kid. Now c’mon, I’ll make you something to eat before we head out for a shopping trip.”

“Yes ma’am.”

Her brow furrowed, “You tryin’ to make me feel old? None of that ma’am stuff either.” You giggled and followed her down to the kitchen.

She made French toast and sausage and you devoured the meal in just a few bites. Satisfied with you having eaten, she grabbed her purse, dragged you to the car and pulled out of the driveway. Along the way, she asked you to make a list of anything you might need or want. You took your phone out and looked at it for the first time that day. The screen was full of awful messages from both of your parents and extended family members. You chose to clear the screen and turn off notifications without reading them all and opened your notes app to jot down a few things you knew you missed when packing bags.

Melissa pulled into the mall parking lot and looked over at you, “You look like you’ve seen a ghost, what happened?”

You rubbed your eyes and tried to fake a smile, “Nothin’, I’m just tired.” She knew you well enough to know when you were lying, but she wasn’t going to push you on the subject.

“Mkay, kid. If you decide you wanna talk about it, you know I’ll always listen. And you know I’d kill for ya.” She gently nudged you with her elbow and the two of you made your way into the mall. You showed her your list and she took charge, guiding you around to every clearance rack and bargain bin in the vicinity. You paid for the majority of your new finds, but she insisted on helping with funds here and there. Many stores later Melissa stopped for a bathroom break and you found yourself in front of Auntie Anne’s. Remembering how much she loved soft pretzels- she’d get one every field trip- you decided to buy two, one for each of you. It was a very small token of gratitude, but you knew she’d be excited.

When she exited the bathroom, she scanned the food court for you and found you sitting at a table with all the bags. She sat down across from you and you pushed the soft pretzel her way with a little cup of honey mustard, “Thank you for today. Normally I hate shopping, but you made it fun.”

She gave you an upside down smile and took a bite. “I’m glad I could be a good distraction for ya, hon. And thank you for this!” She clinked her pretzel with yours to ‘cheers’ the day. As you finished your pretzels in silence while people watching, a dress shop on the upper level caught your eye. Despite trying on prom dresses, you never actually bought one.

Melissa‘s eyes followed your gaze and when she spotted the shop she knew what she was going to do. “Hey, I know you said you normally hate shopping, but since we’ve been having so much fun today… why don’t we keep the fun going and go pick out your prom dress? It’s what, two weeks out?”

You shook your head, “Nah, I can’t afford it now that I’ve spent half my savings on shit I needed today. Besides, I got to do prom last year, I’m alright missing out on this one.” You played with the straw in your drink absentmindedly and took the last bite of your pretzel.

Melissa thought back to the conversations she had with you about how excited you were for your senior prom. You buzzed about it every time the two of you spoke for months, it broke her heart to see you resign to not going. “My treat, hon. And I ain’t takin’ no for an answer, I know how bad you wanna go. C’mon,” she said as she prodded you up and dragged you to the dress shop.

You spent about an hour browsing and trying on different dresses, even somehow convinced Melissa to try one on with you for shits and giggles. You pretended not to see her sneak a picture in the mirror of the two of you in the matching dresses, a sweet moment she wanted to remember forever. Finally, you found the right one. The a-line strapless dress stopped mid calf, it was wine red and fit like a dream. When you emerged from the dressing room to show her, she gasped.

“Oh, beautiful girl! My favorite little eagle isn’t so little anymore.” She stuck her bottom lip out in an upside down smile as she reached to tuck your hair away from your eyes. She took a small step back and asked you to spin so she could see it all. The smile on your face told her you made your choice. With misty eyes she pulled you into a tight hug, limiting your ability to breathe.

“I can’t… breathe… help,” you choked out. The redhead lessened her squeeze and apologized but didn’t let go, she needed that moment to collect herself. You stood there embracing each other for a couple of minutes before Melissa finally released you. Once you changed back into your clothes, she took the dress to the register and paid.

You walked out together and stuffed all the bags in the trunk, laying the dress flat in the backseat. “Thank you. For everything, Aunt Mel. For a few hours, it didn’t feel like my world was crashing down around me. I’m lucky to have you.”

She kissed her fingers and then pressed them to your cheek before she started driving. “I’m pretty lucky to have you too, kid. And I’ll always be here to pick up the pieces when you need me.”

The drive back to Melissa’s house was quiet, aside from the classic rock station playing the weekly hits countdown. You checked your silenced notifications to see even more messages and missed calls from your family, Melissa glanced over and saw them too. “If you want, we can change your number this week, that way they can’t bother you anymore,” Melissa offered.

“They still pay for my phone, I can’t. They’d cancel my service the moment they found out.” You shoved your phone back into your pocket.

“Then I’ll just move you over to my cell plan. They don’t deserve the power they have over you, hon.” You opened your mouth to protest but stopped when she pointed at you. “Let me help, please. Because I can and I want to.”

“Thanks, Aunt Mel.”

A few minutes later you arrived back at the townhouse and dragged all of your new belongings up to your new room, hanging up the dress immediately. Melissa said she’d help you make the bed and get settled once she got dinner in the oven. While she was working in the kitchen, you curled up on the couch and flipped the TV on, settling on ‘Rick Steves’ Europe’ reruns. Rick’s comforting voice began to lull you to sleeping and you didn’t have the energy to fight it.

Melissa walked in to tell you she was ready and found you fast asleep. Her heart melted at the sight. She draped the couch blanket over you and lightly tucked it in so as to not disturb your slumber. ‘How could anyone hurt something so precious,’ she thought to herself. After she tucked you in, she made her way upstairs to gather your new sheets and comforter to wash them before starting on the rest of the room.

She grabbed the basket of your clothes from her own room and began to hang them up in your closet. Once she finished the task, she cleaned out the dresser and filled it with your socks, pants, and undergarments. One by one, she removed her family photos from the walls and replaced them with the handful of framed photos you brought with you. She recognized your grandparents’ photo from the one time she had met them at the beginning of your second grade year, right before they passed. They were your best friends, you were safe when they were around. Melissa decided to place the picture on your nightstand so that they’d be watching over you every night. Lastly, she organized your toiletries in the guest bathroom and set out a fresh set of towels and one of her robes.

Satisfied with her progress, she took a short break to check on you, change over the laundry, and take out the lasagna. You were still asleep and she didn’t want to disturb you so she ate alone in the dining room and texted her mother.

-Ma: Hot date?

-Mel: Nah. You remember me telling you about Y/N?

-Ma: You’ve talked about her for the last ten years, yeah I remember. Is the poor kid okay? Her parents treating her like shit again?

-Mel: They kicked her to the curb, said she wasn’t welcome back. She’s staying with me for as long as she needs to.

-Ma: Of course I’ll set an extra place for her, Amore. She need anything? You need anything?

-Mel: She needs all the love she can get, just make her feel like family. I’ve got everything else handled. Thanks, Ma.

-Ma: We can do that. Talk soon.

She finished her meal and gathered the clean bedding from the laundry room, making her way back upstairs to make your bed. Once the sheets were on, she fluffed the comforter and pillows before opening your backpack to retrieve your favorite stuffed animal, Mr. Bunz. Even at eighteen, you slept with him tucked in your arms every night. She hugged the well-loved bunny to her heart and thought back to the day she gave him to you. Right before holiday break your third grade year, she pulled you aside at dismissal and tucked him into your backpack. She told you to give him a hug whenever you needed to feel loved and she wasn’t around to give you a hug herself. Little did she know, that was the only gift you received that year.

Melissa placed him in the middle of the pillows, like the cherry on top, and went back downstairs to wake you for dinner. She sat on the arm of the couch and gently began to run her fingers through your hair. “You need to eat somethin’, sweetheart,” she whispered as your eyes fluttered open. You stretched and sat up, leaning your head against her leg.

“What time is it?”

“About 7:30. You’ve been through a lot the last 24 hours, figured you could use the rest. I got your room all set up for ya. I’ll heat up your plate and we can watch a movie before bed. How’s that sound?”

You rolled off the couch and rubbed your eyes. “Sounds good,” you yawned. You followed the redhead into the kitchen and sat at the counter. She warmed your plate in the microwave and placed it in front of you with a glass of water. You demolished your meal like you hadn’t eaten in days, complimenting her cooking after every other bite. You washed your dishes and then made your way back to the living room, joined by Melissa. She turned on one of your favorite comedy movies and watched the light return to your eyes a little more with each scene.

Sitting there, laughing at the stupid jokes on the screen with the closest thing you’ve ever had to a real mom, with a full stomach and a warm bed waiting for you upstairs, you realized something.

For the first time in your eighteen years of life, you were finally home.

[swannieluv]

⁀➴ My (Not So) Failed Valentine – Ajax x GN! Reader

╰┈─➤ In which after seven years since a failed confession, two childhood friends reunite close to Valentine's Day. Are things going to end well this time, or will the past repeat itself?

✦⸼࣪⸳ 𝐖𝐜: 7K

✦⸼࣪⸳ 𝐖𝐀𝐑𝐍𝐈𝐍𝐆!!: Crying, self-blaming.

✦⸼࣪⸳ A/N: That's my first time writing a fic bigger than 3k and for romance. I tried my best so I hope you guys can enjoy reading it! <3

✦⸼࣪⸳ Comments and Reblogs are highly appreciated! <3

The calendar marked January 14th, 2024. There was only a month away from Valentine's Day, a perfect date for many, a day where you can confess your buried feelings to the one you love, and receive chocolate for free from the people around you; is there anything more romantic than being truthful about your feelings on the day of love?

For [Name], February 14th could also be seen as a cursed day for those who don't share the same feelings as a dear one, and instead of love cards, those people would only receive nothing but pain and sorrow that would create scars that would last years (if described by a rejected teenager). And sadly, they were one of those involved in a case of unrequited love.

But as the years pass by, people also grow older and wiser. At least, that's what they've been telling themselves to excuse their lack of romance. Just the thought of all those red and pink heart decorations and stuffed bears were enough to make them cringe.

Every single Valentine's Day for them was marked with platonic gifts reserved for those who really mattered. There was never once a romantic intention coming from them, which was something they felt very self-conscious of.

It wasn't like they were the “Valentine's Day Scrooge” or anything like that, they held their friends and family dearly. It's just that they never got the appeal for romance that was daily broadcasted on TV, making them question themselves if there was something wrong about the way they saw the concept of love.

[Name] could still recall those moments during childhood where they couldn't help but be kind of ignorant about their friends rant about their crushes and imaginary scenarios. There were even moments in which they faked having crushes on the “popular” boys in middle school, just to convince themselves that they indeed had a thing for someone just like the rest of their peers.

And unfortunately, they could say it was what would lead to a few quarrels caused by their lack of empathy for their friend's love life. But it never made sense for them, like, if you don't like the way your boyfriend treats you – and you've already talked with him about it – then why bother staying with him? Can't you just kick his ass out and move on?

But now, as an adult, they have a better understanding of relationships. Or at least they now knew not to meddle in someone's life choices – though [Name] does agree some of them were dumb as hell and makes them rethink about their own choices.

And with a month away from Valentine's Day, [Name] felt like they could peacefully start their new job at designing cards for the big company she had the luck to join in. Although the amount of stress they go through isn't fully appreciated in the paycheck, it wasn't that bad knowing they now had a stable job for years to come.

The last thing they expected though, when stepping inside the meeting room, was to face their childhood friend – and failed valentine – Ajax, who was now their senior. Were their eyes playing tricks on them or was he really in front of them for the first time in like, seven years?!

They felt the urge to bury themselves inside a hole and not come out until the whole thing was over. But their nervousness surely didn't come unnoticed by him, whose face they saw lightening up slightly at the sight of the familiar face between the multiple people in the room.

They thought that someone working with an ex was the worst that could happen, [Name] had friends that could give them some tips if that was the case. But working with their last, and failed, valentine from high school was absolutely embarrassing to no end.

They tried to keep their cool and work as they should for the next few. It was a stable job, but they shouldn't let it hinder their work performance. But no matter how much they tried, they couldn't dismiss the pair of blue eyes that seemed to follow their every step.

And of course, they were there, 15 days left for Valentine's Day, designing cliche cards once again. [Name] wanted to do something nice, really, but their ideas were mostly not approved since the company had to keep a specific pattern or something like that.

[Name] couldn't agree more that working overtime wasn't really their thing, but sacrifices had to be made if they wanted to get better opportunities in the future. Perhaps one day things would get better, or so they hoped.

Except that [Name]’s worst obstacle was that it was extremely hard to concentrate when alone with him. Why did everyone leave earlier? Why couldn't someone else stay here too to break the growing tension hovering in the air? They felt like they were suffocating just by staying there.

As they finished the last cards for today, their sweaty fingers finally left the pencil. Was it their growing nervousness or the feeling Ajax's gaze was glued at them was actually right?

A few minutes later, they saw him get up from his seat to somewhere else. And just like that, they were going to furtively escape from the scene by the back corridors. No childhood friend to face, no emotional damage from remembering bad moments; just peace.

Or so they thought.

“[Name].”

They looked up to see a tall figure. A mature face, different from the boyish complexion they held so dearly in their memories. His fiery ginger hair and deep blue eyes that made him able to easily find in a crowd were still there, now present in an adult man. What they didn't remember though were the small freckles under his eyes, guess that's the effect time has in one's memories.

Their eyes scanned the name highlighted on his work tag, Tartaglia. He never used his first name around high school because of the jokes that came with it because of the fact it was taken from a hero's story. Seems like this fact hasn't changed.

“Tartaglia…” they read it out loud accidentally, and so their cheeks heated up in embarrassment.

“It's okay to keep the Ajax, I'm only going by my second name at work for now. But don't worry, I'm still the same old me you know,” his tone was playful as they remembered how it used to be, but there was something unnerving about it; a feeling of unfamiliarity they couldn't explain. So even the way they heard his voice was affected by the time? Because that's definitely not how they recalled his playful remarks at all.

“Are you willing to catch up with a nice dinner? I know a good restaurant nearby and— Oh, it's on me though.”

They spent a few seconds looking at him dumbfounded. “Still the same old me you know” their ass; Ajax would never, NEVER, offer to pay someone else's food. They always had to play rock, paper, scissors to get him to buy anything in the school's canteen.

They couldn't help but get nervous when the silence between them was starting to get too uncomfortable for their liking, so their only rational reaction was:

“Of course… so we can... dinner.”

They felt their heart calm down as they watched his grin widen ever so slightly, he was clearly overjoyed on the inside. And as he made his way through, he gave their shoulder a light pat.

“Perfect! See you tomorrow at 7 p.m. then. I'm sure we'll have a lot to talk about.”

And so they were left standing alone in the white corridor. They didn't know if Ajax, or Childe, had truly gone insane or if he just had forgotten about the whole situation that made their friendship crumble in front of their very eyes.

[Name] went straight to bed as soon as they got home, no dinner or anything else that could have been done. That small interaction with Ajax had been tiring enough for their poor heart. Yet they couldn't help but wonder: how did things go downhill in the first place?

8:50 p.m.

Oh how much they wanted to stand him up, but that would be too cruel and uneducated of them. So they happened to be here, in front of him as they both dined together in a fancy restaurant. They tried to smile, yet the doubt of if he was really the same guy they studied with during their whole life was going to be the end of them. In their eyes, he seemed so much more mature and smarter than them, and they used to be the brains of the duo!

“Is it to your liking?”

They felt as if their thoughts were cut in half with his question; eyes going up to meet his own VA as the two shared a good portion of seafood, though neither of them shared a preference over food.

The more [Name] stared at those deep blue eyes, the more they couldn't help but notice how they had lost a bit of the light they used to hold.

“Yes. It definitely is,” they smiled at him politely before cleaning their mouth with a napkin. “I'm happy you remembered me. It's been… seven years.”

The last part left a bitter taste on their tongue as they fell back into their thinking. They hadn't seen each other in several years and now have to share a work relationship while carrying the memory of a long date friendship. Hell, were they even considered friends after all this time?

One could say the circumstances behind their severance were kind of frivolous.

“Do you really think I would forget my childhood friend that easily ?” Their eyes followed him as Ajax took a sip from his glass before opening a smirk. “A rejection doesn't change the way I see you, not even in the slightest.”

“Oh, I see…”

He chuckled at them for absolutely no reason, which left them thinking if he was laughing at them or something.

“Are you really going to laugh at me now?” They crossed their arms incredulously, their guard fell completely.

“I'm not laughing at you, I swear!” His voice came out laced with a laugh, making him less credible.

“Then what are you talking about, Ed Sheeran jr.—”

That was when [Name] realized they had messed up. It was common in the past for them to call each other names in a lighthearted manner, only for the jokes. But they didn't have the same level of intimacy as before, so it must have come out as rude.

“I'm so sorry…”

“There's nothing to be sorry for. It makes me happy you're being more like yourself, I was finding it strange that you hadn't cursed me yet.”

Their worries subsided as they saw the way his face carried a grin they hadn't seen in years. If anything, it was heartwarming to know he still held the same humorous personality behind his adult manners.

“But to see a sleepyhead like you working overtime… Time's really passed, huh?”

Sleepyhead? He wasn't quite wrong, they had the tendency to sleep on every single break. They did even skip lunch just to take a nap before those boring math classes.

“I actually… I want to buy new stuff for my house, so…”

That was the most idiotic lie they ever told in their whole life, and it made them want to hide under that table and scream.

“You want to buy sanrio merch, right?”

“...Yes. I want that Pochacco backpack so much.”

They felt like punching him when they saw the way he covered his mouth to muffle his laughter, which he was trying his best to suppress in order to not anger [Name].

Their grip on the napkin on top of their lap tightened. Though [Name] had a smile on their face, a few doubts crossed their head like a storm.

“Tell me, Ajax…”

His attention shifted completely to them, eyes focused on theirs as he waited for the next words that would come out of [Name]’s mouth.

“Why don't you resent me?”

“Have you ever done anything wrong in the first place?”

“...”

Their mind went back to February 12th, 2017. Two days before Valentine's Day and the day their friendship's downfall finally reached its breaking point:

“Not gonna lie, you're quite bad at it.”

They pointed to the paper with an exasperated sigh. Ajax's answers were quite dumb, as if he was purposely messing up his homework. But [Name] knew better than to expose his behavior in front of the class.

Ajax and [Name], the childhood friends who would soon become the perfect couple (if they could even be counted as one) in their class. Though they would quickly dismiss any kind of teasing from their classmates, always insisting they were nothing but good friends.

One may find it cute and wholesome when a whole class is determined to set such a pairing together; the chemistry existed and would be explored no matter what. But under all the matchmaking, was the pressure on them to just officialize an union. It was one thing when teenagers shipped a couple; but when adults did, that meant things were serious.

[Name] was tired of hearing jokes on how they would make a great partner to Ajax in the near future. As much as [Name] wanted to dismiss those comments, they couldn't help but give up every time they saw Ajax's embarrassed behavior. Sure, they both would get like that when receiving a comment like that. But the way his eyes softened and his ears reddened at the mention of the two as a couple was… interesting.

For [Name], that genuine smile from ear to ear whenever his mother would compliment them both was something they loved so much about Ajax, they didn't feel it in them to break his heart.

[Name] tried to like him back, they swear they tried to. Yet, those feelings they were supposed to have for him never existed no matter how much they tried. They did everything they could: put his photo as their wallpaper, learn his favorite songs, root for him in his soccer games, send him cute messages before going to sleep, talk about him to their friends in a loving way; they tried absolutely everything a teenager would do when in love. So why couldn't they feel the butterflies in their stomach whenever they saw them?

It felt overwhelming to have all eyes glued to them two, when everything [Name] wanted was to just finish this hell of an assignment. They hoped the teacher's ear would be burning from the amount of curses they mentally sent to him. From the whispers coming from the gossipers seated behind them to the stares of students from another class, it was getting exhaustive.

But the worst part was that he most probably held feelings for them. And the guilt of not being able to correspond those feelings was haunting their nights and leaving them sleepless.

As long as they knew, the two of them have been best friends since 8th grade. That was the main reason as to why they couldn't help but pretend to be oblivious to his recent flirting and small advances, they didn't want to lose a years long friendship.

They couldn't help but spent some time thinking if they were just playing with his feelings. They never said they liked him, but also never did the contrary. And the last straw was definitely when, two days before that year's Valentine's Day, when they overhead the following sentence:

“Haven’t you heard? Ajax's going to confess his feelings for [Name].”

They shook their head, snapping out of those memories and coming back to reality. They weren't in a classroom but having a friendly dinner with Ajax.

“I do think that—”

They were cut short by the waiter's sudden appearance. It happened that Ajax had called for him before they started that small discussion. In the man's work tag, the name Leonardo was highlighted. A cool name—

Wait, they shouldn't be distracted by a random person's name. They had to and would pay for that dinner. It wasn't a matter of wanting, but their pride was in line here. Letting Ajax pay would only add to their pile of regrets about him.

“I'll pay.”

His face instantly filled with confusion as he reached his wallet. “What are you talking about, I thought we had agreed this dinner was on—”

“You’re my senior, so it's only right for me to pay for this amazing food. Thank you for your guidance.”

[Name] smiled at him, their credit card already suffering with the food's price. They were crying on the inside, cursing themselves internally for their own pride. Maybe letting him pay was a better option for their pockets and heart.

And just like that, Ajax would have the dinner he wanted and they would get a high credit card bill at the end of the month.

“What's up?”

“Ah!” They jumped from their chair. What was with Ajax and giving people scares like that?! He really hasn't changed much since school.

[Name] quickly went back to their seat after feeling their coworkers glaring at them curiously. A mental note to take revenge on him was made as they finished typing on the keyboard.

“Please, don't give me a scare like that!” they whispered exasperatedly, a pout on their face.

“Sorry, I just came to check your progress. Let's just say those papers don't fill themselves alone.”

They felt his gaze go to their projects, which were scattered around the desk. The company's mascot, from which he secretly collected plushies of, was stamped in all those cards. Once the Valentine's Day decorations were ready, Easter would be their main focus.

“I liked this one, it has a nice shade of red—”

“It's pink.”

“Oh, right. It's definitely pink… you passed the test.”

They couldn't help but let a chuckle escape from their lips as Ajax's figure stepped out of their sight. And Ajax couldn't help but remember himself of what happened all those years ago and how stupid their severance was.

If there was something Ajax never understood, was why he and [Name] couldn't be treated as normal friends instead of a couple. There wasn't a single person in his life that hasn't ever shipped him and his best friend, to the point he had to hear those kinds of jokes from his own family. But it wasn't that bad, was it? He really liked them, after all.

“I'm so jealous of you, Tartaglia.”

“Hm? May I know why?” He couldn't help himself from raising an eyebrow at one of his peers' comments. Why would they be jealous of someone like him? There wasn't anything that special in his life other than being good at soccer.

“Come on! We all know you already have [Name] as your valentine! I've even heard them talking to their friends about the loveliest things regarding you, they're surely in love.”

Ajax felt his ears burning up after the comment he just heard. The truth was that he kept his crush on [Name] deep inside his heart; and it was starting to get bothersome to hear his friends talking like that once again, since it only added up to his anxiousness. But trying to dismiss people's comments always ended up in more headaches, so he just learned to accept them and play along with it.

He had always been trying to pretend he didn't notice how shy [Name] got after people tried to ship them both, their cheeks getting hot just at the slightest of compliments directed to the two of them was a cute sight. Maybe they did like him too, but he was never confident enough to ask them out. Not until now.

“I was actually thinking about asking them outs” he murmured as he finished changing back to his school uniform and getting rid of the sweaty soccer shirt.

But he should know they heard his words and were ready to spread the news that the couple everyone rooted for was finally becoming reality. And it didn't take much time for it to end up reaching [Name]’s ears.

‘Why am I thinking about it again? It's been seven years. Get a life, Ajax.’

He tried not to roll his eyes at his internal dialogue. The truth was that he didn't keep anything against [Name] anymore, perhaps it was for the better. But he does wish to make up for the time they lost, since they're still his only and best friend, even though they spent seven years without talking to each other.

February 13th, 2017

A few hours for Valentine's Day and their dread for the said confession was eating them alive from the insides. Was it just exaggeration on their part? They hoped not, because they were going insane just from thinking about having to reject Ajax in front of everyone.

There were two choices: reject or accept Ajax's confession, and they couldn't escape from them. Well they could just skip school and not receive any gift, but they had already bought their friend's chocolate and made cards for them.

And skipping wouldn't nullify the chances of it happening later. What if Ajax told them about his feelings another day? If that was the case, [Name] didn't want to stay bound to someone they didn't love. It wasn't fair for either of them.

[Name] opened the notes app and started typing what they would call Operation Val 2017. A plan carefully made with Ajax's best interest at heart, specially crafted just so he wouldn't receive too much of a heartbreak.

First, they would go on giving chocolates to everyone else they planned to. Second, give Ajax his gift; and last of all, they would politely reject his confession and say that their friendship was what mattered the most. It was a good strategy… no?

So [Name] confidently went to school, heart in their throat as they walked through the corridors. The whispering and excitement from the girls were enough to make [Name] even more nervous. They could swear their nerves would be the death of them someday.

They went with the expected routine of giving chocolate to their dear one's. But when it came for Ajax's, the courage to do so simply disappeared.

As they saw him, seated at his usual seat, their hands started to sweat and they felt as if their stomach had just dropped out of sudden. And when he saw them, his smile opened like sunshine after rain.

“Is it for me, sleepyhead?”

It was ,indeed, to him. [Name] placed the small candy box on his palms and gave him a hug, which made the whole class start teasing them. But before they let go, [Name] whispered in his ear:

“I’m sorry.”

Then, they turned back and went to their seat. They hoped it wouldn't be as bad as they supposed it to be.

Now that they think about it, the first half of that day hadn't been that bad. The chocolates they received were good, but ended up being eaten with tears rolling down their cheeks.

“So, can I have the honor to dance with you?”

“Huh…?”

A hand was extended in front of them, an invitation too formal to be coming from Ajax. That was enough to cut short their overthinking.

If there was something [Name] wasn't expecting to hate about the adult world while they were still a student were work parties, a reality when they have a job like that, and it was bothersome having to attend them just to appease their boss and be on their good side. Yet, [Name] was in a situation where they were going to do anything just to keep their stable job with reasonable payment.

That was when [Name] reminded themselves that they were in a work environment; so even if not immersed in those piles of documents and boring tasks, they had to make sure to not taint their reputation by standing still with a grumpy face.

So they silently took his hand and were guided through the saloon. Curious eyes falling on them once again, which started to make [Name] nervous. It was starting to feel too much like prom.

“Are you nervous?”

“Not much.”

They tried to keep their steps carefully calculated. Years have passed since their last shared dance, [Name] was definitely rusty and didn't want to end up messing up in front of him. [Name] was convinced to show Ajax that they were still good at dancing no matter what. Yet, the world wasn't known to help those in need, so…

They accidentally stomped on his feet.

“I-I'm so sorry! I—”

Their face flushed with embarrassment. They felt like shrinking and sinking into the ground, disappearing from his sight forever. But Ajax's only reaction was… laugh?

But what they were greeted with was his heartfelt laughter that caught the others’ attention. It was so genuine that it made [Name] wonder if he was laughing at them or if he was a freaking masochist or something like that. They had just stomped on his feet with their full body weight.

Yet, [Name] couldn't keep a nervous chuckle for themselves. Deep down, they needed a moment like this to clear a bit of their doubts about him. This moment made it clear as day that Ajax hasn't changed in the slightest, and they felt relieved with the clarification.

And so they decided to give in and dance to the slow song coming from the speakers. It felt like a dream, to share something like this with him after almost a decade of guilt from their ruined relationship. They thought that things were now going on the right tracks.

“I deeply apologize for anything I did to you in my past life.” he stated with a nervous smile on his face.

“Hm? Why?”

“... Nothing.”

They had a feeling that his feet were red under those fancy black shoes. The amount of times [Name] stomped his foot was enough for it to leave some bruises, though he did his best to hide the ache he felt. They didn't used to be that bad at dancing in the past, so were they holding a grudge so strong against him and decided to take revenge or something?

They felt their eyes glue to a waiter carrying around a tray with champagne. [Name] could swear they had seen that guy somewhere else, but weren't going to bother him; so they just took a glass of the drink for them and one for Ajax.

“Do you drink?” They extended the glass of champagne to him, who gladly accepted it with a nod of his head.

“I was thinking about… uh… are you free on Wednesday?”

Wednesday? Their mind set up alarms at the thought of it, after all, Wednesday was nothing more than Valentine's Day. Was he really going to ask them out like that? Has he lost his mind?! They thought he would never touch on this subject since their rejection.

“I don't… Yes, I am.”

[Name]’s eyes met his’ with courage in them. They wouldn't run away from it like in High School, they would face Ajax and tell what they truly felt regarding him. And if he didn't like it, so it will be! After all, they don't depend on Ajax to live. [Name]’s an adult.

“Good.”

They watched as he took a sip from his glass before opening his mouth to speak something, but it seems Ajax wasn't ready to say it. Not here, not now. So there was nothing they could do to prevent him from just leaving them there and disappearing through the sea of people.

And that was when Operation Val 2024 officially started.

February 14th, 2024

After weeks of preparations, they finally marked that day on their calendar: the expected Valentine's Day. And while everyone else spent the day of love sharing their emotions and deepest feelings with those they loved, [Name] just took the date as an excuse to sleep until late and binge watch NANA the whole day until the time to go out with Ajax.

Knock, knock.

They got up from their seat, fixing their hair

and clothes before answering the door. They had just a small candy box with a cute card, which they designed themselves, just for him. But what [Name] didn't expect was that he would actually come with a bouquet of daisies, one of their favorite flowers. How could he remember such a small detail about them?

“Happy Valentine's Day, [Name].”

They felt something grow in their chest at his words. He was such a gentleman now, huh? So [Name] just accepted his gesture and walked with him.

“Thank you, I hope you're also having a good day.”

And so they followed him to a park nearby, even though the sky was starting to close. But maybe Ajax was planning to take them somewhere else in case it actually rained, they knew he always had a plan B.

'The flowers hadn't fully bloomed yet, but it makes quite the scenery.'

Ajax took their hand on his with a small smile, though [Name] didn't know where he was taking him to.

"There's a nice lake after the creek, it has a pretty landscape. So I can take some photos for you if you'd like."

Well, here they were, trying to go through a small creak to reach a nice place to make a picnic. Though [Name] didn't want to wet their brand new shoes; they were limited edition, after all.

“Hold my hand tightly and jump.”

“I can't do it—”

“Come on! Jump!”

[Name] took a deep breath before giving the impulse to jump over the creek. Although they made great effort and had, it wasn't enough to keep balance. They both fell in the creek, but at least the food was in a basket he left on the ground earlier.

They felt like crying because of the shoes. The amount of money [Name] had saved to buy it was astronomical, like, really! They had just bought them..Though, Ajax definitely wouldn't let this day be ruined by a small accident like this. So he was quick to help them stand up back on their feet and take them out of there.

As they stared in his eyes, [Name] couldn't help but release the words that were trapped in their throat for a long time now.

“I’m sorry, Ajax. But you know I can't reciprocate your feelings.”

They felt their eyes wet from the tears that were threatening to escape. They told themselves that they wouldn't run away and leave things unresolved like in the past, but why was it so painful for their poor heart?

Ajax felt his smile dropping at their words. He tried to look away from them before listening to their words.

A part of him already knew the answer to his actions, yet there was still a sparkle of hope deep inside his heart. Was he being selfish once again? All he did was to try to compensate them both for that terrible day seven years ago.

“I'm not mad at you. I just wish things didn't happen the way they did… y'know.”

They both seemed to regret their actions from the past, sharing the same feeling of shame and anguish in their hearts as they looked at each other. Both of them had made mistakes and were still reminded about it.

...

For the last step of Operation Val 2017, they made sure to bring him to somewhere the two of them could talk in private. Unbeknownst to them, there were eyes watching their every single action.

“I’m sorry, Ajax. You probably already know this, but I don't hold any romantic feelings towards you. Our relationship is purely platonic and—”

“So it was all just false hope?”

False hope? They definitely never gave him any kind of advance for it to be considered like that. It wasn't like they ever flirted with him or do anything that could lead to that kind of assumption.

Their eyes watched as his ace contorted into a pained expression as he had been hit by the hard reality that their best friend didn't actually hold any kind of emotion towards him, the complete opposite everyone else thought. From what they knew about him during all those years, he definitely disliked the sound of it, the rejection being too real and in front of his eyes.

“False hope? What are you even talking about?” They couldn't help but frown slightly, not liking the turn this conversation was taking.

“You…”

Click.

[Name] heard the clicking sound of a phone from afar, and that alone was enough to made their stomach drop. That meant they have never been alone with Ajax, there has been someone watching them this whole time.

From what they could see behind him, a small crowd of students were peeping through the small window on the classroom's door. And to worsen the situation, they were recording the whole thing.

On the other side, one of their own friends gave them a thumbs up, as if trying to communicate about something. And that was when Ajax noticed it all and felt like the ground below him was crashing down.

“So… you planned all of this?”

They couldn't help the widening of their eyes, it wasn't how things were supposed to end like! In their plan, there wasn't supposed to be anyone by the door, not recording or listening to anything they said.

They could swear they saw tears in his eyes for the first time in their life. His face carried the hurting he felt after being made fun of by the rest of the class.

“So they did end up rejecting him, huh…” they listened to the whispers that came with small chuckles, followed by the sound of a playful smack “Ouch! I'm just stating what happened! Just look at his face.”

From the corner or their eyes, [Name] saw him turning around to leave as he heard it, but grabbed his wrists before he could run away from the not so empty classroom. As they did so, the little heart box he was carrying around fell; small chocolate hearts rolling out of the package straight to the ground.

“Ajax, you know I would never do that! I'm your best friend, after all!” their voices came out in a pleading tone.

“Do I really know that?”

They didn't miss the crack present in his voice, and that's what hurt them the most. It wasn't in the plan for him to feel like that.

So [Name]’s own strength failed as they saw burning tears streaming down his cheeks, which held a complexion of anger and disappointment. The twilight rays helped to create a sentimental demonstration of his feelings that were never seen previously. If not before, [Name] was now sure their friendship wasn't going to rebuild itself again.

They felt his wrists slipping out of their touch in a rushed way as Ajax stormed out of the room, leaving them behind to pick up the candy pieces on the ground. And as they crouched down to gather them, the people at the door bombarded them with multiple questions.

“Did you actually reject him?”

“That was so cruel of you!”

“So you won't be together?”

And like that, their last Valentine's Day ended with the loss of a friendship and the start of years of self-blaming. For almost 6 months, their sleepless nights were spent thinking about what they could have done to avoid this whole disaster.

For the both of them, Ajax and [Name], the next few months before graduation would be always marked by the growing distance between the two. They had tried to talk to each other, but the shame and guilt blackened them from doing so.

Ajax really tried to clear his head before saying anything else he would regreat, the realization of what had happened weighted on him deeply. [Name] was just trying to dismiss his feelings in the best way, and he knew it. Yet, his pride didn't let him reach them.

So whenever his gaze met [Name]’s, they would instantly look away and pretend nothing happened. Ajax really thought that he was the one who deserves a proper apology, when it should have come from both sides.

But he couldn't leave his academic life behind and decided to just focus on his studies and sport. One could say he had got over it and was living without a single regret.

And so as to [Name], they couldn't face him. They really tried to call his number or talk to him after class, but couldn't do it. The picture of his tear-stained face was left in their memories forever and would haunt their nightmares for the following days.

Yet, they knew time wouldn't wait for them and the graduation day would finally come. No amends were going to be made and it was obvious for [Name] that Ajax seemed to be taking it quite better than them, so they just decided to forget it and live their own life after high school.

And to [Name]’s knowledge, that was how Ajax and their lives would follow from now on, or so they thought.

“How can you forgive me so easily, Ajax?”

[Name] couldn't refrain from asking him that. If they were in his shoes, they would definitely hold a grudge against themselves. So why was Ajax so forgiving like that when he was the one who had been most hurt?

“Because I know what our flaws were at that time.”

They felt his fingers lifting his head so as to meet his eyes. Instead of the hurt look that used to appear in their nightmares, there was only affection.

As they tried to find something to answer him, their body was wrapped in a tender embrace, much different from his old bone-crushing hugs.

“I should have left my pride behind and tried talking to you. Yet, I was stubborn and believed you should be the one who owed me a proper apology.

“So when I saw you again, I felt like I had to make up for my past mistakes; but it's not like I'm using you to feel better with myself, not even close to it. I just want to make sure we both don't end up carrying regrets for the rest of our lives…”

[Name] could hold it anymore. Their eyes became waterfalls with the countless tears that fell from them. But they didn't feel embarrassed because of it.

“I-I wanted to talk to you again, I really wanted to but—”

“It's okay, take your time.”

Ajax patted their back as if trying to calm a baby down, and it was helping. He could stay there the whole day waiting for their answer, it didn't matter.

“I’m so sorry…”

They couldn't think of anything reasonable enough to make up for their past actions. But Ajax could see their effort lying behind their crying face, he had been their best friend for years. So even if they couldn't tell it with words, he understood them.

“You don't need to love me, and I don't need to love you too.”

They felt the wind on their face, a soft breeze. And it was when Ajax separated their hug gently, leaving them staring at his face while their eyes burned from all the crying.

“As much as I want to stay as your friend, I don't want us to be haunted by the memories of the past. You'll never see me in the same light again, just like I'll never see you in the same light too.”

[Name] knew it was true. As much as they wanted to stay his friend, the fact that broke their friendship had left a deep scar in their heart. And they would never reciprocate the love he still held for them somewhere under the best friend facade.

It was only safe for the two of them to keep things as cold as possible, even though it hurt them greatly. He was right, after all, they couldn't even look at his face without reliving all the stress.

“For you.”

A small pendant was placed in their palms, a rose pendant. They were confused, really confused, but decided to open it. As they did, [Name] couldn't stop themselves from letting another tea fall after seeing the inside of the small object. A photo of them two in their middle school years adorned it, precious smiles on their faces as their figures hugged each other.

“Happy Valentine's Day, [Name].”

They felt like they needed to thank him in a special way before parting ways. So they approached Ajax and took his hair out of the way to his forehead, planting a peck on it.

“Happy Valentine's Day too, Ajax.”

Now, they wouldn't have to carry that guilt with them. They were free to try to love without the fear of being a hypocrite. It was their first Valentine's Day in seven years, and they wouldn't trade it for anything else in this world.

But as they saw Ajax's silhouette going out of their vision, carrying the picnic basket they didn't use, the feeling of losing something forever came stronger than anything else. Maybe they wouldn't have a friendship like before, but nothing stopped them from being coworkers.

[Name] would see him again at work, so why couldn't they stop the tears that fell from their eyes as the first raindrops met their skin? They felt as if they had lost a big prize in the lottery.

Yet they shouldn't be sad because it ended, but happy that it happened. New beginnings awaited them, just like the daisies in the bouquet warned.

"Goodbye, my now not so failed valentine..."

[callme-littlesunshine]

Missed you

Phantom x reader

Love is not always easy. It's everyhing but not easy.

I leanred it right after I fell in love with him. We were good friends... friends, i don't know if you can call us friends. He was a businessman and I was a Sister of Sin. Maybe he used me at first. He had his fun with me... messing around with me. I thought it was his way to show me that he wanted me. When I was younger, boys always did this but now... I am an Adult and I know this had nothing to do with that whad those stupid boys did in middle school. I almost lost my stay at the clergy because of him. I neglaced my duties as a Sister.But after talking to Sister Imperator she did give me a second chance.

After he broke my heart, I started to change, I.. was not bubbly anymore. I felt nothing, I was soulless to a point but it changed after I met him. He was so sweet. He wanted to bring my old self back, the bubbly one. I knew he tried hard, I know I was an arse to him. I liked him around but I was not showing it, scared that maybe he was also messing with me. When he was touring, he called, as much as he could. I missed him. The first few weeks it was no big change but after a while, I started to feel lonely again, missing him, missing his scent. Nothing smelled like him anymore.

One night, I was brave enough to sneak into his room. I wanted something from him. I missed him so much. I never knew I would miss someone like I did right now. i looked around to find something. Suddenly, I felt a strong pull to his bed, should I? I don't know. What if he returned and he found me in his bed? It would be... embarrassing. Shaking my head I went to the door to leave his room, but before I could opened the door, I changed my mind and went forward to his bed, standing in front, thinking. Ah fuck I don't care. I pulled the blanked away to crawl under them. Immediately I relaxed, feeling like he was near me again. That's when I realised... I fell in love with him. I tightened my grip around his blanket and closed my eyes. "I miss you" my voice was above a whisper, then i drifted into a dreamless sleep.

I never knew it could be that easy to fall asleep, before I was struggling with it, staying awake the whole night, thinking about everything I did wrong. I never wanted to get hurt like this but I was young and desperate to find someone who loves me as much as I would love someone. The next morning was... weird. I slept the whole night like a baby. Maybe I needed it more than I thought. I felt cozy and warm in his bed, feeling loved when he had his arms around me like he had now. I inhaled his scent and tried to fall asleep again, when I realised something. 

Arms around me... wait a minute. I snapped open my eyes and straightend up. I looked at Phantom. He was back... they were back again. "Phantom" my eyes went wide and a smile was pulled  on my face. "You're back" He looked at me, with sleepy eyes and nodded. i threw myself on top of him, hugging him like it was the last time. "I missed you" I whispered, because I would cry if I talked louder. "I missed you so much" that's when I stared to cry, silently. I don't want him to hear me. I knew he could feel it, he was a Ghoul, he even could smell the salty tears that are running down my face.

"I missed you too my beloved" he hugged me tight. sitting up. His tail made his way to my face, wipping my tears away while he had his arms around me, protectively. "Sorry for not calling you the last few days. I wanted to surprise you but it looks like you surprised me for sleeping in my bed." I heard his smile in his voice. my face went red, tears still running down my face. I hid my face in his neck. "I needed something that reminds me of you, it was a last minute decision, I was not aware that you would return back when I'm in your bed." I said honesly, laughing a little. He was back. He really was back now. Everything is going to be better now I know this. I love him... I really fell in love with him. Maybe he could repair my heart and fill it with love again. I know he could...He tried everything he could to make me laugh... even smile a little. I finally realised it. He was always there for me, when I felt like I did everything wrong, he was there for me, listening to me even when i was such an arse to him.

"Thank you for everything. i love you" I whispered in his ear. He stopped for a moment, his tail even stopped moving. My heart sank. Shit, please not again. Before I knew it, his tail was waving excitedly behind him. I slowly looked at him, his eyes sparkling and filled with love. "Say it again." I was confused. He wanted..? Oh.. I smiled. "I love you." He started to purr a little. "I love you so much.. thank you for always being here for me, after you were gone, I realised my feelings for you. I thought maybe you are messing with me... but even on tour you were calling me, making sure I was doing fine. Thank you for being so patient with me." His smile was soft now, like his eyes. I was honest with him, and he knew it.

"I love you too. I'll always be here with you when you need me. Maybe I could convince Sister that we could take you with us on tour. But for now, I am here...always." and with that, he placed his lips on mine, kissing me with such love that I almost forgot how to breath. 

[je5hko]

Simon Henriksson

headcanons!

I know there might be not much cry of fear enjoyers, but here it is! simon headcanons! ( sick simon )

TW: angst, suicidal tendencies,self harm

sexual topics

Simon is a smoker, obviously, but he’s also picky when it comes to cigarettes. His beloved ones are red or blue Winstons or Malboro gold. He rarely smokes anything else (except when he’s really desperate)

His sleep schedule is fucked up, and i really mean it. Dude can go 3 days without sleeping, and then sleep for 15 hours straight.

The meds. He was supposed to take meds at first, but his mother was not really a fan of that idea. She was convinced that the therapist wanted to drug Simon with pills.

Simon was home schooled through the primary school, and first years of high school. From the lack of communication and social life, between him and other kids, he couldn’t really catch up with other people at school. He was also bullied because of being the “weird kid”

He was also the smartest guy in the school, always having the best grades and all that.

Thats how he met Sophie, firstly helping her with schoolwork, and later listening to her problems. He couldn’t really do much about her personal issues, but he tried his best to be there for her.

Never had a real friend who would listen to him, help him with his problems, and just be there for him. So whenever theres a person who’s nice to him, he becomes obsessed with them (or the other way around, cuts off the contact and dissociates himself from anyone)

Simon wasn’t exactly an extrovert too, he would avoid social interactions and spending time with others, just because he felt like its “right thing to do” and "he doesn’t belong with people"

His depression problems started when he was 10 years old, at first struggling with daily basis of his life, and then ending with caging himself in his own room .

He’s dyslexic. Do not change my mind.

Simon tried to find some kind of coping mechanism for himself, so he would feel a little bit better with spending time alone. Unfortunately the coping mechanism he choose was self harm.

His bestie (who later abandoned him) obviously found out about his self harm problem, she tried to help him somehow, talking with him about this, but it didn’t work.

When Sophie rejected him, he tried to overdose with his mothers antibiotics, or anything he would find in the house. He really loved Sophie.

Whenever Simon was in class (before he locked himself in a room again) he would try to plan his suicide, how would it look like, what would he use to take his life, etc.

Every time he tried to masturbate, he would cry in the middle of doing that… or after.

After the car accident, he wasn’t fully paralysed, he could feel his legs from time to time. If he ever had the opportunity to rehabilitate, and try to recover, he would definitely try to walk again. But he just… couldn’t show himself to the other people. Embarrassment took over him.

He’s really scared of getting actual help, so going to the doctor was almost impossible for him to do. He did it for his mother, that he loved very much.

Speaking of his mother, she was a good person, its just that, she sometimes couldn’t handle her emotions in a right way. She would take out all the bundled up emotions, such as anger, fear, sadness, on her son. Simon didn’t really mind, he knew that she had really tough times throughout her life. He was convinced that he deserved every abuse he got, justifying his mother.

His dad left when he was 10, then his depression started. (what a coincidence!)

He’s an incel. sorry.

Thank yall for reading! it feels so good to be back on tumblr! :D let me know in the comments if you want more cry of fear headcanons!

[spadesolace]

countdown

pairing: highschool au! minji x fem! reader

warning/s: angst, internalized homophobia

spring cleaning was a chore you hated but also enjoyed, most of the things you put away haven’t seen the light of day for years. to see some old class pictures in high school, cringy letters you’ve received and questionable literary works you’ve done (gosh, were you really that down in the dumps to write something horrific?) digging deep enough, something caught your eye, an item that you probably just threw in to clean up some space. a bracelet with your initials and someone else. who did you know that had the initials KMJ?

Kim Minji.

something feels heavy, clutching for your chest, breathing unevenly. no, you told yourself that you won’t cry because of her again. everything hurts, somehow it feels as if you can’t cry but you’re shedding tears, the room feels a bit smaller, too small for your liking, and everything is closing in on you. countdown from 10.

10.

Kim Minji…

9.

do you remember me?

8.

was our friendship a waste?

7.

what was it that made you push me away?

6.

was it the way I acted?

5.

was it my feelings?

4.

you know I can’t control it.

3.

if i could…

2.

would things be different?

1.

would things be the same?

“Y/N?”

turning around, you saw minji running to you. dazzling smile that would make heads turn and not look away, her melodic laugh, and the way her eyes shined as if they were the galaxy. letting the girl come to you as she started walking next to you, there was no need to rush, it's only a walk to the library for your english class.

“look what i made.” she showed you her bracelet, a friendship bracelet, with her initials. it had the colors of blue, black, and white. cute. 

minji started explaining how she learned it within a day, even giving you your own but did you want it? well, yes, but it was a friendship bracelet, shouldn’t minji’s initials be yours? probably not, you’re overanalyzing things again, so you took it despite having doubts.

in the middle of the day, before you could go home, minji stopped you on your tracks. exchanging bracelets because hanni told her it was supposed to be the other way (so, you were right), letting her do her thing as she took off her bracelet and wore it on you. something simple and you’re already blushing, it's not like she’s proposing despite having a few thoughts about it. such a simp.

you were self-aware of your feelings for minji and it was getting a bit harder to keep it to yourself but its not like you’re going to confess. there was no point in confessing, minji wasn’t like that, right?

maybe you were wrong, minji came running to you after hearing certain rumors of hanni liking minji in a more than friends way. she was considering it, actually thinking of giving her a chance and now… you just feel empty. there was no advice coming from you or the coldness in your tone was evident, minji wasn’t dense, she just saw right through you. did you act upon your feelings? as if.

minji wasn’t like that, right? she didn’t like hanni that way, if she did you would have known. you were in denial, jealous, a bit possessive but you didn’t have the right to feel that way. just a friend, best friend, close friend, classmates, nothing more. a relationship with minji was a fantasy that you wished for every time, from a wishing well, a shooting star, the candles on your birthday cake, and holding your breath through a tunnel (which was risky). you knew the consequences, it was made aware to you whenever your emotions get the best of you; holding her tighter, cold shoulder, passive-aggressive statements, and sometimes kissing her hand… you were deep in denial.

until she confronted you, through chat, not even in person.

the rest of the school year, you simply messaged her but to no avail, she ghosted you. sending your goodbye on graduation day, minji became a thing of the past as you finally took the bracelet off and said goodbye to that chapter. she was your first love and it brought you pain, misery, and a lot of trauma.

the second time you fell, you didn’t confess, doubting everything, she showed you the beauty of the world and how to love yourself (as cliche as it is). you would do anything for her, because you actually felt loved.

“Y/N?” now, you’re back in your closet, holding your chest, while the bracelet was now on the floor. did you fall asleep?

“its ok, take deep breaths, what happened? another panic attack?” slowly opening your eyes, finally seeing your girlfriend soothing your back as your breathing finally went back to normal.

“y-yeah… just saw this and things went to shit.” you tried laughing at it but she only looked at you concerned, finally noticing the bracelet, you heard her curse under her breath.

“its ok, haerin. i’m fine… how long was i out?”

“about 10 minutes, your mom panicked and called me immediately.”

after that, haerin helped you with spring cleaning, letting her finish the one with your high school items to avoid any more incidents. your mind wandered, does she miss you? did she regret what she did? or was everything nothing to her?

minji is the past, haerin is your present and your future. still, you wanted to send your thanks to minji for helping you grow as a person. wherever she is, you hope not to see her again.

“y/n, come on, let’s get some ice cream.” minji was right, you and haerin really had a thing going and you regret not taking it early.

[piratefishmama]

I got tagged in a questions thingy.

by: @w1ll0wtr33  thanks sweets!

1. Are you named after anyone?

Nope, my name was in fact a mistake made by a nurse! It was supposed to be a hyphenated combination of my first and middle name, but the person doing the birth certificate made an error.

2. when was the last time you cried?

Like… fully? Uhm. August? The day before my dad got out of the hospital I had a full blown panic attack cause I knew I’d be alone in taking care of his asshole self and wasn’t prepared to do that. There was crying involved in that.

3. do you have kids?

I would sooner rip my own uterus and womb out, Netflix Witcher style than have children.

Storytime: My mum once bought me a £75 stroller and doll, an this was years ago, like, single digits age range so that was EXPENSIVE for the time (fuck man, it’s expensive now lmao), I… left it out as far away from the house as I, at my age, could... in the rain. An it was all silk and satin material so it was well and truly fucked.

They stopped expecting eventual grandchildren from me very early on in my life.

4. What sports do you/have you play/played?

Does archery count? I feel like archery should count lmao I do archery, and I used to do ju-jitsu, I have medals somewhere for ju-jitsu, god knows where though my medals were never worth keeping track of apparently. My brother's are in his old room.

5. Do you use sarcasm?

Fluently.

6. what’s the first thing you notice about people?

That they’ve invaded my carefully curated alone time and thus have become my enemy.

7. what’s your eye colour?

Hazel, with more green than brown.

They're also my favourite eye colour too! there’s so many variations of it, do you have more green or brown in it? is there a ring of darker colour around your iris or not? Hazel has so many variations it’s such a pretty eye colour to have and it changes. Hazel eyes are magic.

8. scary movies or happy endings?

Thanks to my truly stellar vivid imagination and Childhood Trauma™️, I cannot watch scary movies. At least not ones that have plausibility. Like they could happen. Because for some reason, everytime I watch one of those, my brain ever so lovingly decides to recreate the movie in the form of a nightmare where all the starring cast are people I actually care about an I’m just. watching them all die.

It's never fun. And I can never escape it. Even waking up, if I go to sleep, I will go right back into that nightmare, there’s no escape.

9. any talents?

Many! i have ADHD and autism, I have so many random skills. The only one I can reliably do on command though is writing. I can draw, paint, sew, sing, dance, and many others… sometimes, but the only one I can reliably do without fail, is write.

10. where were you born?

Britain. You don’t get closer than that I ain’t about to dox myself.

11. what are your hobbies?

Writing, reading, video games, creating shit.

12. do you have any pets?

Hope and Shadow are my two dogs, you all know them by now I’m sure. I have a shitton of tropical fish in tanks both upstairs and down, I did have a very smol bird but I had to put him up for adoption as unfortunately he and Hope simply did not get along, she made him very anxious and he made her hungry for bird.

13. how tall are you?

I’m tiny, 4’11.

14. favourite subject in school?

English. I had a great teacher. It would have been art but unfortunately I hated my teacher, and my teacher hated me and that made the lessons very uncomfortable.

15. dream job?

I would love to work with animals. Animals are easier than people.

And no, i'm not tagging people.

[mozzarella-stickz]

You Are My Lucky Star: Eddie Munson x F! Reader

Author’s Note: 99% of this is based on my own experiences, thoughts, and feelings. I really needed this comfort. I hope to anyone feeling this way about yourself that you’re not alone and completely valid :)

Summary: You’re convinced you’re unlovable. Eddie Munson doesn’t quite seem to think that’s true.

Warnings: self-esteem issues, self deprecating humor, mentions of slight parent issues, however lots of fluff and comfort <3 also reader is a theater girl because so was I 🥹🙏🏻

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You tapped your pencil against your math notebook, desperately trying to not let the tears fall out of your eyes. Yet another failed crush, another guy who didn’t return your feelings and only wanted to be friends with you. This had happened with almost every guy in your time in high school, and it was really starting to hurt you inside. You believed there was something wrong with you, something driving people away, something that made you completely unlovable. Was it your face? Your nose? Your body? How you reacted to things? You weren’t sure, but you were bound and determined to be sitting in front of your mirror that night crying and trying to pick out what it was.

Your leg began to bounce against the floor, as the tears began to slip from your eyes. You reached your hand up and quickly wiped them away, not wanting to draw any attention to yourself.

From across the room, however, you were attracting the attention of someone.

Eddie Munson was watching you carefully, studying your hunched expression, sad eyes, and shaky and bouncy legs. He knew of you, since you were good friends with Nancy and Robin, and he’d seen you in almost all of the plays and musicals (that he swore Jeff forced him to go to, which was part of it, but it was partly to see you). Something was up with you, and he wanted to know. It wasn’t anything theater related, Robin had said you’d gotten the role you wanted in the play, maybe it was school? Whatever it was, he was going to hound Wheeler and Buckley about it.

The bell rang, signaling the end of 9th period. You grabbed your Walkman and headphones from your bag, slipping them over your ears and pressing play. The sound of Olivia Newton John’s melancholy intro to “Hopelessly Devoted To You” filled your ears, and you sighed. Of course.

You walked down the hallway to your last class, your head hung low as you looked at your feet. You didn’t know why you were even so upset about this guy, you knew it was probably going to end up like this. Why were you so upset? You were probably just being stupid like usual.

You sighed as you entered your last class, praying to God it would go by soon so you could get out of here.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Wheeler?”

Nancy looked up from her work table in the school newspaper room, to see Eddie leaning in the doorway. She glared at him, telling Fred to take over her station while she talked to him.

“What is it, Munson?” she asked, crossing her arms.

“It’s about Y/N. She looked…really upset today in class. Like not at all how she usually is. Is everything ok?”

Nancy sighed.

“Boy problems,” Nancy told him. “She’s…she’s an emotional person, and this is the fourth guy to reject her. She’s always been really insecure and I can tell it’s really hurting her.”

“Insecure? Why?”

Nancy shrugged.

“Her mom’s a little much, always gave her shit for her personality and sometimes even her weight, and she’s always just been that way. Since middle school at least.”

“She’s like…super pretty. And you’ve seen her onstage, she’s just, so…magical.”

A glimmer started to glow in Nancy’s eye.

“She is,” Nancy said with a smile. “Now I really have to get back to my newspaper station. Thanks for your concern.”

“No problem, Wheeler.”

Nancy left him alone, and Eddie felt something in his stomach. Something he hadn’t really ever felt before. Could he like Y/N? She was pretty, kind, smart, and really funny from what her friends have said. Eddie thought about her in his head, her smile, her voice, and the feeling in his gut grew. Eddie was at that point he did, in fact, like Y/N.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Y/N, I think I’ve found a guy for you.”

You looked up from your lunch at Nancy, who had that excited look in her eyes like when she had some sort of master plan. You looked at her confused, eyes brows furrowed.

“I already told you, Steve is too much like my brother for me to-“

“It’s not Steve,” Nancy interjected, sitting down across from you.

Your confusion only began to grow.

“If it’s not Steve than who is it?”

“Ok, don’t laugh, but its Eddie Munson.”

You burst out laughing despite Nancy’s warning.

“Y/N!”

“Eddie? You really think Eddie likes me?”

“I do! He asked me about you yesterday, said you looked really sad in your math class.”

“So?”

“And then I told him about your boy problems…”

“Nancy!”

“Let me finish! He acted shocked, he was asking why you were so insecure because he said you were super pretty and get this…he said you were magical on stage!”

You sat back, stunned. There was no way. He had to have just being friendly. You weren’t ugly, but super pretty? You didn’t think you were at all. And you weren’t that good onstage, sure you had lots of energy and facial expression but magical? That was a bit extreme…

“He was probably just being nice.” You said. “I doubt it was anything serious.”

Nancy groaned.

“What?!” you exclaimed. “I have to be realistic. Being a hopeless romantic is what got me in this situation in the first place! Maybe I’m just unlovable, or something.”

“That’s not true!”

“Maybe!”

“Oh my God, I love you, but you can be so stubborn.”

You took a bite of your pretzel and shrugged.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Hey, Buckley.”

“Holy shit, Eddie! Don’t scare me like that!”

Robin picked up the stack of VHS tapes she had dropped, glaring at Eddie as he helped her pick them up.

“Sorry, sorry!” he exclaimed as he helped Robin pick them all up. “I just really need to talk to you.”

“Is it about Y/N?”

“How did…?”

“Nancy.”

“Goddamnit, Wheeler.”

Robin set the stack of tapes on the counter, pushing Steve’s legs away.

“Hey!” Steve exclaimed, narrowly avoiding knocking over his Coke van sitting next to his legs.

“Shut up, dingus, Eddie’s gotta tell us about his crush on Y/N.”

“What?”

Eddie’s face flushed.

“You’re blushing!” Robin laughed. “Eddie’s in looovveeee!”

Eddie shrugged Robin off.

“Okay, maybe, wait shit, not in love but the crush yeah, not that I don’t love her! But like it’s too early for that and I’ve barely talked to her besides after her shows and at Nancy’s birthday party-“

“You’re rambling.”

“You’re one to talk, Buckley.”

Robin rolled her eyes.

“Nancy said Y/N isn’t convinced you like her. Nancy said Y/N went on about some bullshit about being thinking she’s ‘unlovable’ or something dumb like that.”

“Unlovable? Really?”

“Y/N’s words exactly.”

“Jesus, Nance said she was emotional but I didn’t realize Y/N thought of herself that way.”

“She’s been through a lot. And if you break her anymore I will not hesitate to snitch on you to Hopper about your little side hustle.”

“Believe me, I have no intentions of hurting her. I don’t know, I just want to like…wrap her in a blanket and not let her feel sad or anything again.”

Robin smiled that same knowing smile that Nancy had, and Eddie felt those same butterflies in his stomach at the thought of Y/N. He had to ask her out.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Why are we here? I just want to go home and watch The Breakfast Club!”

“You can watch your John Hughes after this, I promise,” Nancy told you, sitting you down at the picnic table in the woods.

“And I won’t talk about how hot Claire is the entire movie,” Robin promised, sitting next to you.

“You only say that since she looks so much like Vickie.”

“Shut up!”

A couple minutes passed and you began to grow annoyed.

“Seriously, what is going on?”

“Just wait!”

You set your head down on the table, and Robin looked at Nancy a little nervously. There was no way Eddie was joking, right? To their delight and relief, they saw him walking towards them, looking uncharacteristically stressed and pale.

“Hey, Y/N,” Nancy said, shaking you.

“What?” you grumbled, before your eyes grew wide at the sight of Eddie.

“H-hey,” he said nervously, rocking on his heels. “Um, how are you?”

“I’m g-good. What are you doing here?”

“Well, I actually had a little…a little proposition, if you will, for you.”

You felt your hands begin to shake, your body get goosebumps, and your heart go light.

“W-what is it?”

“I know the drive-in is showing Singin’ In The Rain next week, and um…it’s a musical and I know you love this so I…I wanted to know if you would come with me?”

You felt like your head was spinning. Overcome with emotion, you burst into tears. Nancy, Robin, and Eddie all looked at you panicked, and you wiped your eyes with the sleeve of your jacket, trying to calm yourself down.

“S-sorry!” You cried, “I’m just…I can’t believe…”

“Deep breaths, it’s ok,” Nancy soothed you, rubbing your back with her hand softly. Robin nodded, rubbing your shoulder with her hand.

Eddie kneeled in front of you, resting his hands on your knees gently. He looked up at you, his big brown eyes meeting your eyes. Eddie then reached up, wiping away your tears, not caring that Nancy and Robin were watching.

“Can…can you give us a minute?” he asked them, and the two girls nodded, scurrying off to a clearing a little ways away.

Eddie sat next to you on the bench, wrapping an arm around you tightly.

“Look…” he said, his voice finally steady. “Nance and Rob told me all about you. I hate that you think of yourself so lowly, you’re pretty, talented, you’re always raving about your shows or The Muppets or Stevie Nicks or your new favorite movie and…it’s sweet. You’re really sweet. And I guess I’ve felt this way for a long time but I only just realized that…I really, really like you, Y/N. I really do.”

“Really?” you said, your tears beginning to dry. “You’re not messing with me?”

“I wouldn’t do that. So…what do you say to the movie?”

“If you don’t mind me bursting out into song and dance, I’ll say I’m down to go.”

“I don’t mind at all. Not when you look so cute doing it.”

You got incredibly embarrassed, hiding your face in your hands. Eddie laughed at you, pulling your hands away with a smile.

“I’m serious! When you were that one girl in the show last year, the weird name that started with Z? The one in love with that Tommy kid? Totally adorable.”

“Zaneeta in The Music Man?”

“Yes!”

“Thank you, Eddie, she was my dream role for a long time and getting to play her was just…amazing.”

“I’m glad. You deserved it.”

You snuggled into Eddie’s side, breathing in deeply. Nancy and Robin watched from behind a tree, smiling as you and Eddie got up, hand in hand.

Not all your problems were going to be fixed of course, but you knew no matter what, you had Eddie, and that was perfect.

[curi0us-gh0st]

I love you, I think. (WinRina)

pairings: Kim Minjeong x Yoo Jimin.

word count: 1,2 k

genre: angst.

summary: Karina's beautiful mess with her own and Winter's feelings.

warnings: none, just bad language, Winter as Celia, Karina as Evelyn, self homophobia. [no review]

a/n: I just wrote it, and well, I'm going to sleep crying... inspired by "The Seven Husbands of Evelyn Hugo", this is no hater of Karina's current relationship, just for entertainment purposes.

The beginning is always strange, bittersweet, we could never know that we would end up kissing in a damn laundry room, we could never know that we had fallen in love at that stupid moment, maybe she was wanting that? or maybe it was my stupid drunken heart that got us into this storm.

I remember that after composing myself and thinking about what I had done, I ran after her to explain myself, afraid that she would tell the press that I was a deviant, that would end my life, but she, she...

“I'm not…” I said as she closed the door behind us. “I just… I had a friend in high school, my best friend. And we both…”

“I don’t want to hear that story.” Jimin spoke, I felt my body shudder.

“Okay” he said. “It’s just… I don’t… There’s nothing wrong with me.”

“I know there’s nothing wrong with you.”

I looked at her, trying to understand exactly what she wanted with me, what she wanted me to confess.

“But I know one thing” she continued. “I know I was in love with Hyunjin.”

“I know it well!” She said defensively. “I know you’re in love with Hyunjin. I always knew that.”

“I said I was in love with Hyunjin. But I don’t think that’s been true for a long time.”

"Right."

“Now all I can think about is you.” She said so, and went upstairs to pack her bags.

Maybe, just maybe she was really waiting for me, or she really wanted to tell me…

She hid in my apartment for a week and a half, living in purgatory. We slept together, but without doing anything, we just fell asleep side by side in my bed.

During the day, she would read in my apartment, while I went out to record variety shows.

We didn't kiss. Sometimes we would touch each other, arm to arm, hand to hand, but without ever looking into each other's eyes. In the middle of the night, however, before falling asleep, I would curl up behind her and she would lean against me, feeling the warmth of my belly against her, my chin in the crook of her neck.

I should have believed that we were just a passing whim, but the look at her, that look...

She found me still wearing a robe, drying my hair in front of the sink. Jimin came to me, looking deep into my eyes and said: “I think I love you.” She undid the knot on my robe that was closed.

Well, that night, Jimin and I slept naked, holding each other. We no longer pretended that our touches happened by accident. The next morning, I could hear her, breathing deeply, all proud.

Within those four walls, there was no reason to be ashamed.

I should have known from the beginning, but, all of her actions, her “I love yous”, there is also that letter when she was traveling.

“My dearest Minjeong,

Please never forget that the sun rises and sets with her smile.At least for me. You are the only thing in this world that deserves devotion.

With all my love, Jimin.”

This was before the information spread, before dispatch shared the images and the news. Leaving everyone out about our meetings, no one cared about us anymore.

I was anxiously waiting for a message from her, saying it was a misunderstanding, but no. I woke up to the companies responding and saying they were getting to know each other after the show.

So when she arrived at our dorm, we started a fight after she confessed what happened.

“You are distorting the facts.”

“You’re a coward, and I can’t believe I couldn’t see that sooner.”

“I did all this for you!” She screamed.

At that point, I had one hand on the door handle and the other on the trunk handle.

“You didn’t do a damn thing for me” I replied, my face burning. “She did it for herself. And because she can't bear the idea of not being the most famous woman in the world. You did everything to keep your precious fans, who watch your comebacks just to see you, and to be able to get a three-second peek at your boobs. It was for them you did it.”

“It was because of you, Minjeong. What do you think your family will say if the truth comes out?”

I screamed when she said that, and turned the doorknob.

“You can be sure you’ll lose everything if people find out what you are.” She said.

“What we are” I replied, turning to her. “Don’t think you’re different from me.”

“Yes, I am” she replied. “And you know I did.”

“What the hell.”

“I can fall in love with a man, Minjeong. I can get married if I want, have children and be happy. And we both know that, in your case, the story is different.”

I stared at her, narrowing my eyes and pursing my lips. “Do you think you’re better than me? And that? So I’m the one who’s sick, and you’re just messing with me?”

She held me, maybe she reasoned what she had just said. But I just pulled my arm back.

“Don’t ever touch me again.”

“I care about you, Minjeong. More than with myself. I don't know if your career would get back on track — or your life — if Ididn't do something. So I did the only thing I could. And it worked.”

“It didn’t work, Karina. You're dating."

“I’ll figure it out.”

I looked at the floor and laughed at her. “Apparently, you know how to find a way around any situation, right?”

"Yes. Yes I know."

“But when it comes to showing a little humanity, you don't even know where to start.”

"You can not be serious."

“You are a slut, Karina. Let men use you in exchange for fame. And that’s why I’m leaving you.”

Leaving without looking at her, walking to the elevator to go to the garage, she came after me and stood there, paralyzed, next to the car.

I threw the suitcase on the passenger seat. Then I opened the driver's door and turned to her, standing.

“I loved you so much that I thought you were everything to me.” She said, in tears. “I thought people were in the world to find each other, and that the purpose of my life was to find you. And being able to touch your skin, smell your hair, feel your breath, hear your thoughts. But I don’t believe that anymore.” I wiped my eyes. “Because if the right person for me is someone like you, I prefer solitude.”

Her cruel and ignorant words hit my heart, shattering it even more than it already was. My face remained impassive, paralyzed.

“I think we’re actually not good for each other.” He said, getting into the car.

“I don’t think so.” That was all she said.

“Goodbye, Karina.” She said at the last minute. Then she put the car in motion and I navigated the city aimlessly.

Three days passed, then five years passed without talking to Jimin, she didn't call me. She didn't write to me. I knew what she was doing only because of what she said in the newspapers and the gossip that circulated around the city.

Maybe this is the tragic story of how I stopped loving Yoo Jimin, or not.

[zaraomarrogers]

Always and Forever - 6

Pairing: Steve Rogers x Fem reader

Warnings: Angst, fluff, sexual content, language, 18+, minors do not interact

~*~

“Y/n.... Y/n... Where the hell have you been today?”

Y/n came rushing down the stairs when she heard her mother calling her name. By the sound of it, she was angry.

“The fuck have you been all day? I asked you to meet Vincent for your job. I arranged it for you but you can’t seem to to get out of your futile little head.”

“I’m sorry mom, but I told you I-I don’t want to work at your firm” Y/n said in barely audible voice.

“And I told you that you don’t have a choice.” Eleanor yelled at her daughter causing her to shrink into place.

“Do you want to stay dependent on me? It’s convenient for you, right? I’m baring all your expenses so you decide, what’s the point in working? Just learn something from your sister. Every single person knows who Peggy Carter is. She’s made a name and reputation at my Firm. She’s handling her studies and job brilliantly. Look at you Y/n, you’re starting college next month and you don’t even know a single fucking thing about how hard it is to earn money and spend it on your useless daughter.”

Y/n was quiet , it wasn’t the first time she was being ridiculed by her mother. She lost the count of how many times her mother had compared her sister’s achievements from her lack of social life. She had been a quite and shy kid all her life. Only people who really knew her was Steve, her best friend from childhood and now her boyfriend. She wasn’t close to her dad but he wasn’t like her mom either. Whenever she spent time with her dad, she enjoyed it. She was close to Sarah and Bucky also.

Y/n had been a brilliant student throughout her school. None of her achievements were acknowledged by her mother or her sister and that had damaged her self-esteem. She was a talented illustrator. She’d been freelancing her illustrations ever since she was in middle school. But once Eleanor found out, she dejected her to do so.

“I don’t want to work with Vincent.... I’m not comfortable with him, mom.” She had to gulped her tears down her throat.

“Why not? What is wrong with him.” Eleanor poured a drink in her glass.

“I-I don’t.. I’m not comforta...”

“I heard that you’re not comfortable with him. Why? Give me a reason.” She raises an eye brow at her.

“He says inappropriate things to me. I don’t feel safe around him.” She was about to cry.

“You must have given him an impression..”

“I told him I have a boyfriend. He knows it but still can’t keep his hands to himself.” She was angry and it showed in her voice.

“Watch your tone, girl.” Eleanor said coldly.

“Please, mom I don’t want to work at your Firm. I’ll find a job, I promise.” Her voice became shaky.

“What kinda job? I don’t want you bartending or be a barista or something... I want you to find a proper job so that you can make a name for yourself like your sister.” She said, “.... and I’m going to tell Vincent what you’ve told me, if he denies you’re coming with me Y/n, no more discussion on this.” With a bottle of whiskey in her hand she left Y/n there in the middle of the room.

Next Day when Steve came to pick her up for their usual Saturday night stay over at Steve’s house, she was off. During the dinner she was unusually quiet not even laughing or messing around with Bucky. When Steve cornered her during the movie she hid her face in his chest and in between her sobs she told Steve everything except for the Vincent part. She knew Steve would pick a fight, he was like that, not compromising on what he thought was right. She didn’t want him to get in trouble not because Vincent was an influential man but she didn’t want Steve any harm or risk his bright future.

Steve had other things in mind. He told her that it was no big deal and that he saw the opening for teacher’s assistant job at their high school and since they had been graduated she could be hired easily. Bucky was listening to them, he glared at Steve which he conveniently ignored. Y/n’s situation wasn’t new for Bucky. Him and Steve grew up watching Y/n ridiculed by her mother.

“Man, what the hell... you needed this job.” Bucky whispered yell at Steve after he sent Y/n to bathroom to freshen up.

“I didn’t know what else to do Buck, you know Eleanor will never leave her alone...”

“I know, I know... but you needed this job more than anything. You know, now you will have to work four freaking jobs before college starts. That means you leave home at 7 in the morning and can’t be home before 10:30ish... are you out of your fucking mind.”

Steve knew Bucky was right, he wanted to earn enough money before college start and assistant to teacher was paying him enough but now he had to stick to his previous jobs and get one more to bare college expenses. After his dad passed away, Sarah was the only bread winner and Steve wanted to help her out. It wasn’t like money was tight but Steve didn’t want her Ma to overwork herself. But now with Y/n’s situation, he had to send her in his place and he was happily doing it. He fiercely wanted to protect Y/n. He just loved her so much.

“I know Buck, I will figure out something...” Steve whispered, “.... I can’t see her crying. I jut can’t... she was.... I don’t know Buck... I love her so so much... I can’t see her hurting like that.”

Bucky sighed deeply and leaned back to the couch. He knew Steve would do anything for Y/n. He had witnessed them falling in love and at such tender age their love for each other is other worldly. He winked at Steve, making a silent promise that Y/n would never know that Steve gave up his job for her just like he would never let Steve know that Y/n was harassed by her mother’s co-worker and her mother still wanted her to work for him.

 ~*~

 It was a chilly Monday morning, Y/n dropped Malcolm at the day care and arrived at her office. She was greeted by her assistant Lily, who gave her a heads up for that day’s schedule. There were couple of things needed her attention and then there was a meeting with Pepper after lunch where she was going to introduce Steve as their new marketing head.

“Y/n/n... what the hell? You knew and you didn’t tell me?” Wanda barged in in her office when she was almost done with her work.

“Relax Wan! I didn’t tell you because it wasn’t important. He is not important.” Y/n said calmly, her focused was still on the picture of model who was wearing Wanda’s creation.

“How come you’re so relax?” Wanda sat down on a chair in front of her.

“Because I just told you that he is not important. He’d be here for a month or so... and then its back to normal.” She typed away the mail in her computer, sending the picture she was assessing back to printing.

“Mal's happy with him being here.” Wanda leaned on the table.

“He’s very happy, Wan. I just need to figure out his days with his dad. Hopefully, he’d come around.”

“You’re limiting Steve’s days with Mal?” Wanda sounded slightly bewildered.

“Yeah! I haven’t come up with anything yet.” She said looking at Wanda.

“Are you sure? I mean... Y/n/n.. you and I both know... ugghhhh... its very difficult for me to say this but Mal needs him in his life as much as he needs you. You and I both know the importance of father in a kid’s life. We didn’t have that.”

Y/n smiled at her, she knew Wanda was a sweetheart underneath her hard shell that she had for Steve.

“I don’t know Wan! I don’t know what to do.” Y/n heaved a sigh, all of a sudden she sounded tired.

“I know you’ll figure it out, Y/n/n. You’re gonna come up with what is best for our Mal.” Wanda smiled widely, holding her sister’s hand and squeezing it. “You got this.” She winked.

 After lunchtime, everyone got settled in in the conference room for the meeting. Once Pepper introduced Steve, he took over the room. He was confident, persuasive and had an approach towards the main agenda of the meeting. He grew complacent with the respond he got after just a first meeting. All the ladies, single or not were circling him after the meeting. Y/n rolled her eyes at the scene and left to pick Malcolm from the day care.

 Steve’s eyes followed Y/n through the glass door of the conference room. He was surrounded by bunch of very attractive women, all of them had ‘something important’ to discuss with him. He wanted to excuse and go after Y/n but he couldn’t put her on the spot on the very first of them working together. There were so many things needed to be fix and he went straight into work. Pepper briefed him before the meeting so he knew what his tasks were, he was excited to begin using his expertise.

~*~

 After a spending a busy day at work, Steve got back to his hotel room. He reminded himself to look for an apartment or a rental house or may be a more permanent set up if he was to stay in Boston. After ordering room service he hopped into the shower. Today he didn’t see his little bean, that made his mood a little more glum. He had to clear up the mess and be in Malcolm’s life permanently, he tried to pacify himself with the thought. His phone was constantly ringing on his night stand, he hurriedly dried off his body and wrapped the same towel around his waist. It was his mom’s call.

“Hey mom!” Steve set his phone on the night stand and goes back into the bathroom to put some clothes on.

“Hey honey! Did I call on wrong time?” Sarah beamed through the phone.

“Oh no, no Ma, I was in the shower. Just got back from work.” Steve hollered, pulling up sweat pant.

“So, how was it? Your work and stuff.” She asked curiously. “Have you eaten, Stevie?”

“ Yes Ma, I had dinner. And work is fine. A little loaded but nothing like your son can’t handle.” He smiled lightly, looking at the camera.

“I know Stevie, my boy can do any thing he puts his mind on.” Sarah laughed lightly. “How long are you staying there?”

“Ma... umm...I want to tell you something.” Steve started, “Wish you were here, you know I wanted someone to meet you.”

“What is it, honey?” Sarah was now fully attentive, also concerned.

Steve sighed deeply, he was trying to form a sentence, or may be trying to swallow his tears.

“Steve, you’re scaring me now, honey, what is it?”

“Ma, I..I.. I found... Y/n is here...” He looked in the camera, tears falling freely from his eyes.

“Y/n?? Our Y/n?... Ohh...” Sarah was looking at her son helplessly.    

“I met her at the fashion event.... and you know what Ma, I-I have a son....” He smiled joyfully through his tears. Sarah gasped loudly.

“Malcolm, his name is Malcolm.... Ma he’s just like me, wait let me send you his pictures.”

“Steve... I... is he your...?”

“Ma, he is mine. He’s mine and Y/n's. You can’t believe this right. It’d be so hard for me to believe if I haven’t met him, its just been few days, Ma, and I feel like I’ve known him ever since he was born. Just look at him, the pictures I just sent you.”

Sarah looked at her phone's screen and all her doubts vanished. She looked at Steve and then at the pictures in her phone. Tears were shining in her eyes.

“Stevie...” she chuckled, finding words.

“I know right!! He’s my son, he’s my Malcolm.” Steve smiled proudly.

“He’s just like you, Stevie. But there’s bits of Y/n in him as well. Oh my heart...” Sarah cooed over the phone. She was ecstatic. “He’s got his smile from Y/n, He’s perfect Stevie.”

Sarah’s eyes were on her phone, she was still looking the pictures, “how is Y/n, Steve? Is she alright? How has she been with you?” Sarah said in a flow of emotions.

“She’s perfect, Ma. Prettier than before. More beautiful. She overwhelms me, Ma. No words can bring justice to her strength and kindness.” Steve was in haze of emotions and Sarah could see her son was still helplessly in love with Y/n.

“She was kind enough to let Malcolm know about me. I don’t deserve her Ma. Never have, never will. She let me in their life because she thinks Malcolm needs me as much he needs her in his life....”

“Steve, sweetheart....” Sarah interrupted him.

“..... I just don’t deserve them, Ma. I put her through hell....”

“Honey, you deserve them. Please don’t think like that.”

“Ma... I would have been with her, Mal would have known me, Y/n wouldn’t hate me as she does now, if, if I wasn’t... I couldn’t... I don’t...” Steve hid his face in both hands. His body vibrated with light sobs. Sarah was helplessly looking at his son. She knew what happened four years ago was a mistake. If it was up to her she would go hell bent on undoing that ominous day, she would have saved her son from drowning into the pit of darkness.

“Steve... sweetheart, please look at me...” Sarah softly said after few minutes and Steve looked at her with red eyes.

“My boy, you have this chance to make everything right. I know this is hard, Stevie, but I believe in you, honey. You deserve to be happy, just tell her what you feel. She deserves to know your side of the story. She would forgive you....”

“Ma, she wouldn’t let me talk to her. The only conversation we have had was about Malcolm. She had this distant look in her eyes, like she doesn’t even know me anymore. And it hurts, but I deserve this pain Ma.”

“Then earn her trust back Steve. Show her that you still care. Let her know that you’re not going hurt her again. For that, you need to be there honey. You have to decide where do you want to be.”

“I want to be here, Ma. I want to be with Mal and Y/n.” His reply was prompt.

“Then you need to end your ties from New York. You can’t be a man you want to be, unless you dispatch a person you became in these four years, Stevie.”

“I know, Ma. I have to start with ending my engagement with Peggy.”

Sarah chuckled, earning a puzzled look from her son.

“I’m surprised she’s still engaged to you. With your reputation, not a sane woman would want to be associated with you, Stevie.” Sarah teased her son.

“Ma, not everything you read online is true.” Steve said sheepishly.

“Oh really? My son is getting his dick wet, fucking around with different women, have an image of a fuck boy.....”

“Oh my god! Ma, please stop. I get it. Not all is true. They love to pick things up....”

“I’m just telling you what news outlets write about you, Stevie. You gotta have to fix this first.”

“They’re gossip sites Ma and I know... I know I’ve got a lot of mess, I need to clean this.” Steve rubbed his eyes, he was clearly tired.

“You got this, honey.” Sarah smiled at her son. “I want to come visit you and see my grandson but we’ve got a lot of orders at the shop. Its busy time.”

“It’s okay, Ma. I’d face time you next time when I meet Mal.”

“Awww... I’ll be waiting. I can’t wait to meet you all, sweetheart.”

Steve felt a little better after speaking with Sarah. He had this sudden urge to held Y/n in his arms and tell her how much he had loved her, missed her. He wanted to tell her that it was impossible for him to breathe without her. He wanted to apologise until she’d forgive him, take him back.

He took his laptop out of its bag and started looking for houses. He wanted to buy a house with the big backyard where Malcolm could play and spend time with him.

The next morning he dialled Peggy’s number while still in bed. She didn’t pick his phone the first two times, but Steve was persistent. On the third attempt, when she asked him what made him call her in the morning in an irritated tone, he told her that he wanted to break the engagement, that he couldn’t, didn’t want to be with her.  He even gave her the leverage that she could blame him and play the victim to save her so called reputation. He made it very clear that he wanted an out, at any cost. He didn’t want to be associated with her in any capacity. Peggy was stunned and called him a coward because he was ending things on phone. She also threatened him that she would drag him and pull all his dirty laundry in the media, but Steve was ascertain. He told her he didn’t care as long as he was not linked to her. Steve knew Peggy won’t take this break up lightly, he knew she would go to any extent to drag him back, manipulate him back into the relationship so he made it clear that whatever she’d do, his decision would be same. After a heated conversation, Steve disconnected the call, knowing full well that Peggy won’t contact her because she had a big fat bruised ego, just like her mother. He hated Eleanor with all his being, not just because her behaviour with Y/n, but for a lot reasons, he didn’t want to think of right now. Right now only thing on his mind was to go to Potts- Home for fashion his new work place, and confess his feelings to Y/n. To apologise to her and let her know that he was there and he wouldn’t leave her and Malcolm ever again. That he didn’t care if she’d take five years to forgive him and another five years to take him back in her life, as long as he was with her and Malcolm, he was fine. And he was willing to earn her trust back.

He stepped out of the elevator and his breath caught in his lungs when he saw a man in a three piece suit, pecking Y/n's cheek while her hand was on his bicep. In other hand she was holding a bouquet of fresh peonies. He saw a tint of pink spread on Y/n’s cheek and a shy smile. The same shy smile she used to have whenever Steve kissed her or even looked at her lovingly. In that moment Steve felt something was stabbed in his heart. A fear of losing her had overpowered his actions when his feet took him to where Y/n and that man were, still engrossed in talking.

Steve took Y/n’s hand, the same one she had on this man's bicep few minutes ago, and intertwined his fingers in hers. Y/n glared at him and try to freed his hand, only to be held more tightly. Steve’s hold was still gentle though. Before Steve could say something, Pepper came in with a big smile and introduced the man Steve was throwing daggers at.

“Steve, meet our new legal advisor, Andy Barber.”

Steve’s grip on Y/n’s hand tightened. She was stunned by Steve’s action but she was also aware of what could possibly be in his mind right now. She knew the look on his face. She could read his every tense nerve. She lightly squeezed his hand, getting his attention on her. He looked at her and instantly relaxed. The throbbing vein in the side of his forehead slowly vanished. It was a simple action from her, yet it showed how deeply connected and well tuned they both were, and Andy didn’t miss it. He witnessed it closely. His eyes were fixated on their still intertwined hand and his mind was working in bolting speed.

[jjtheresidentbaby]

Behind Closed Doors | Mike Wheeler

- this work contains mature topics and themes, if you are not suitable to interact with such things please click away

Find it on Ao3 here

Background: classification au, flip!mike, caregiver!Nancy, caregiver!Will, established Mike x Will, established Nancy x Steve x Johnathan, everything canon happened but eddies alive, takes place after season 4 with vecna dead

Summary: Ted and Karen do some things behind closed doors that Mike desperately tries to hide but what happens when it all comes crashing down?

Genre: heavy angst, comfort

Authors note: this is my first stranger things fic so please be nice, I think I kept the characters in character but if I didn’t let me know (also this got long as hell sorry) this is based off the conversation me and @berrymoos have been having for the past like week hsudheudbj. I could make a second chapter to this if anyone wanted

Warnings: major trigger warning for abuse, bruises, crying, swearing, self conscious!Mike, panic attacks, hair pulling

~

Mike wipes the blood off his nose with the towel Karen holds out to him, she doesn't even look mad at her husband for hitting their kid. No. No she looks disappointed in Mike. As if he didn't know he wasn't supposed to slip, like there wasn't past bruises and scars to get it through his head, he fucking knew that going little at home was a bad idea, he knows!

But tonight was different, Nancy wasn't home and Holly was at a friends which means both Wheeler parents were out of the house for a few hours. School was really rough today so Mike knew he was teetering on the edge of falling into his small headspace but thought he could push it away long enough to get home to Nancy. Then Nancy wasn't here.

Mike has regressed without even noticing it, mistake number a hundred of today it seems. So when Karen and Ted came home two hours later to Mike sat on the couch chewing on his shirt entranced in a cartoon, they were livid and Mike was taken off guard. Taken off guard to the point of not even being able to dodge the first slap Ted threw.

Things spiraled so quickly that when Mikes little headspace did go away, as it does almost instantly when someone hits him, the beating was half over. His torso’s purple and yellow with bruises, lip split, nose aching as blood dribbles down, tears welled in his eyes unwilling to fall and his mothers face. She looks like getting beat up and screamed at by Ted wasn't enough, like she's about to give a lecture about how they are a bloodline of caregivers and being a flip is unacceptable as is, going little is out of the question. But again, Mike knows this all.

He's heard it so many times that he can basically recite the exact words his father or mother would pull out. Not to mention just how much he's been doing to stay big and a caregiver, it's practically all he thinks about, sure he regresses at the Byers house and with Nancy but that's about it. He also is very careful about when he regresses, if there's even a chance of his parents stopping by he won't.

Mike Wheeler would say himself that he's a smart kid - scratch that- a smart teenager. He's not a kid and won't act like one. No freaking way, after what happened tonight? There's no reason or person that can make Mike slip.

It's not like he goes little all the time anyways, nowhere near as close to as much as Max or Dustin do. But Dustin's a full little and Max has a little lean, Mike wouldn't say he didn't lean to his little headspace but he wouldn't admit that he did either. He's neutral? Middle? He's a flip but is pretty good at staying in that blank space of nothingness.

It's probably why he's so stressed out so much though. His resting face of being over it and clenched jaw proves Mike could do a bit better at relaxing. He can't though, if he falls in caregiver space then he'll be around littles and while he loves all his little friends, there's a sick sour twist of jealousy in his gut watching them be so carefree. His little headspace claws it's way to the front of Mikes brain anytime it comes out even when he does feel safe and comfortable but being achy doesn't really help matters.

~

Five days later and Mikes done a damn good job at covering bruises and staying in that neutral ground. He's had a few almost slips, at Wills house the other day, then when Nancy had come in to check in on Mike that night after he got kicked in the ribs by a steel toe boot, that was a hard time to fight off. Nancy's always the one to get his little side to come out and she could tell something was wrong so she was trying really hard to help, Mike felt extra guilty pushing her out of her room with the excuse of a headache.

He's had a "headache" for almost a week now. Avoiding anyone and everyone for whatever shitty excuse he can race to come up with. The party's noticed, Nancy's noticed, Steve and Johnathan have noticed, hell even that girl Robin has taken notice to how off Mike is. He doesn't care.

Except he has to care tonight as it's game night and he can't exactly skip it. He had promised Max to play uno with her tonight, he made the promise before everything went down but he's not about to break it. He can do this, it's one night at the Byers, with the whole party, and Nancy's two boyfriends, and Steve's best friend Robin and her best friend Eddie. It's so many people. He can't do this.

"Mike? You okay?" Nancy turns to look at him in the backseat of Steve's car, Johnathans in the passenger seat, even already being at the Byers he wanted to come for the ride.

"Yeah I'm good." He stops the ringing in and out of his hands that he was doing to try to reassure Nancy.

"Yeah? You've been a bit off for the past few days." She tips her head to look at his ducked down eyes. Mike clenches his jaw even harder, he is fine. Kind of. Sort of. Not really. He really wants to go little as it'd no doubt help with the stress but he can't.

"I don't know, just an off week I guess." He shrugs trying to get past this conversation.

"If you need anything I'm here and so is Johnny and Stevie." Mike smiles a bit wider, he always found it admiring how Nancy pulls out nicknames for her partners.

"Yeah man Will said he's worried about you." Steve calls over his shoulder which earns a punch to his arm from Johnathan.

"You weren't supposed to tell him idiot! What Steve meant was- we’re all a bit worried." Johnathan turns around in his seat with a short sigh. Mike nods looking at how the boys hair falls into his eyes with blows of air through Johnathans mouth to try to get it out of the way. Mike relates, he loves his long hair but that problem arises every now and again.

"Mike? You see something on my face kid?" He shakes himself out of his slight trance at Johnathans chuckle. Shit. That's definitely not good, zoning out always means his little headspace is coming out and being called kid is making everything worse.

"No sorry- just, your hairs getting long." Mike mentally slaps his forehead, his hairs getting long? Seriously that's what he comes up with? Ugh.

"You don't like? Steve's been telling me to leave it long." Mike shakes his head.

"No- no- I like it! It reminds me of when Will grew his hair out when we were kids and he would twist his fingers into it during math and when he thought really hard- he did it a lot- he use to keep pushing it out of his face during lunch and-." Mike shuts himself up. Nice one Wheeler gush about your boyfriend to his brother, real smooth.

"Yeah I remember that. Maybe he should grow it out again if you liked it so much." Mike can feel the heat rise to his cheeks which has Nancy and Steve chuckling lowly.

"Nice talk Johnny! Gonna go inside now!" Mike stumbles himself out of Steve's car as soon as it stops and he goes searching for Will. As much as he's been pulling away, he feels bad leaving Will all lonely.

~

"Hey bab-." Will can't get his sentence out as Mikes hands hold his cheeks in a firm yet gentle grasp and his lips are pressed into Wills. He loves him so much and wants him to know he'd never hurt him, Mike can't bear the thought of Will thinking he'd ever lay a finger on him. He wouldn't. He'd never be like his awful parents.

"Mike- Mike- let me breathe." And Wills laughing as he pulls away but Mikes almost crying. He doesn't know why. He's supposed to be staying big right now, be in that middle ground, he just feels overwhelmed and he shouldn't. He can't is a better way to put it.

"Mike?" Wills brows furrow ever so slightly and Mike finally lets the fact that there are ten people in this room looking at them set in so he does the logical thing- grabs Wills hand and pulls him to Wills bedroom with the door closing too loudly behind them.

"Mike? You okay?" He nods then pushes Will onto the bed so Mikes legs can straddle over Wills lap. It's more sexual than he meant it but he's not going to pull back now.

"I love you. I love you. I love you." He murmurs between sweet kisses, he remembers El thinking he didn't say it enough when they were still a couple, now he makes it a point to say it. Even if it sometimes makes him uncomfortable as he never said it out loud before Eleven.

"I love you too, Mike- are you okay?" He feels like sobbing but pushes it away to nod and cradle Wills cheeks. Will looks so- so good compared to Mike.

He'd never worry about slipping into headspace if he was a little, he'd probably embrace it just like he embraces his caregiver headspace. Will would never ruin his family's bloodline or be a disappointment to his mother. Joyce's pride and joy is her two sons, Will especially as he's never so much as lied about brushing his teeth. He's too good for Mike, he deserves someone better than Mike. Someone who isn't a flip and isn't a fuck up.

"Mike? Baby? Why do you look like you're gonna cry?" Wills hand is soft against Mikes cheek that's burning red as he urges tears back.

"I just- I love you so much and I feel like I don't say it enough or- or I don't show it. But I love you and I don't want you to doubt that." 'I don't want you to be disappointed in me' is what Mike wants to say but doesn't.

"Of course I know you love me Mike, I've never doubted that. I never will. But are you sure you're okay? You've been all distant and now you're on my lap." Mike tries to think of a reasoning but he can't, he just leans forward to lay his head down on Wills shoulder and wrap his arms around Wills middle.

Mike can't justify why he's been distant without exposing what his parents do to him on a, becoming more regular, basis. And as much as he trusts Will, he could never tell a soul what happens behind closed doors. Not when his family is oh so perfect.

"The perfect nuclear family" as Nancy's put it. The oldest daughter with big dreams and amazing grades, the middle son who has tight nit friends and loyalty like no other, the youngest daughter still living in the innocent childhood their parents provide. Their parents who are a man that makes a good living and provides for his family, the mother who washes all the dishes and puts on fresh red lipstick just before her husband gets home.

Abuse would put a major dent in that perfect family, just like being a flip, they are caregivers. The Wheelers are a family of caregivers who walk proudly and smile for every picture. They help the littles that wander into their house unknowing that Ted looks down on them simply because of their classification or that Karen, despite not being as open about it as Ted, has a very passive aggressive way of opinions when it comes to littles. Mike gets the brunt of all those opinions and it hurts just as bad as it did the first time.

He can handle all the bruising and anger but the wording stings. "Weak", "immature", "worthless", "amount to nothing", it slices through his skin deeper than the whiskey glass smashed against the wall. He's not weak and he has dreams, big dreams just like Nancy, his are just kept between himself and sometimes Will or Lucas. Mike fantasizes about traveling, maybe to California, and getting away from it all to be a photographer.

While Mike hates getting his own picture taken and never really dabbles in it aside from the occasional lesson he gets under the table from Johnathan, he loves it. He can capture a perfect moment and hold it in his hands to never be tarnished. It would be amazing, Will being an artist like he always wanted and Mike being a photographer that can take picture after picture of whatever he wants. Mostly Will. He has a lot of pictures of Will.

"My love are you sleeping?" Mike startles a bit at Wills soft tone but he pushes himself off of Wills chest. That was too close, he could feel himself starting to slip down that tricky slope of regression and trying to not let the beating from days prior get to him. Mike knows he'd be a crying mess if he became little and while that’s have him less stressed, he’d rather avoid that tumble of emotions.

"Sorry- not sleeping." He has to focus, stay big, that's the only thing he should be worried about right now.

"Mm, the drool on my shirt says differently." Shit did he actually fall asleep? He didn't mean to and quickly wipes the wet patch on Wills shirt. He's never been good at sleeping with his mouth closed or just not drooling in general.

"I'm sorry. Are- are you mad?" A pang of terror spikes in Mikes chest as he stops to stare at Will. He doesn't look mad, why would he? He has to be use to Mikes excessive drooling by now, but what if he is mad? He could be sick of Mike and think he's gross or-

"Of course I'm not mad darling, I'm pretty sure it's a bit late to be mad when we've been dating six months and this is far from the first time you've drooled on me." Right. Of course. Whats Mike even thinking? It's Will of course he isn't mad, he'd never be.

"Yeah- yeah. Sorry." Mikes eyes drop to his lap as he swallows quickly. He's not sure why he's so nervous or why he's betraying every plan he had for tonight.

Mike had thought out how tonight would go and this is definitely not it. He was supposed to stay big and be a safely away from things that could make him slip, like laying across Wills chest. He even wore his most uncomfortable jeans to make sure he didn't get the normal comfort he gets when small. His long sleeve Hellfire shirt to cover bruises, tight black skinny jeans to keep him sort of stiff, black nail polish picked partly off to distract himself and even his watch that will beep when his parents arrive home from the house party they went to tonight.

While game night is always ended with a sleepover in the Byers living room, Mike still wants to know when his parents will be home. Maybe he can get Nancy to drop him off? It might be better for him to be at home away from so many people. Or maybe that's worse? If he slipped at home he could have a repeat of before. He can't tell which risk he wants to take.

"Mike what's wrong?" He looks up at Will with a head tilt, he's fine. Or he thinks he's at least acting fine.

"You keep pulling your hair, you only do that when you're stressed." Shit he's right, Mike untangles the hand he had at the nape of his neck with a tug. He's always hated that habit, it only got worse after receiving his classification. Then again it makes sense, he always seems to be stressed out in some shape or form.

"Schools just been kinda hard and I have homework to do when I go home." It's not a lie but it feels like one. Mike does have homework to do and school has been extra rough lately, it still feels like he just lied straight to Wills face and Mike hates that feeling. It has him nauseous.

"Well you can worry about it later because tonight's about relaxing." Will grins as he leans up to put his arms around Mike shoulders then flop them both onto the full size bed. A few laughs coming from both partners as Will legs end up tangled in Mikes and Mikes head tucked under Wills chin.

"Yeah, you're right." He can relax without slipping, it won't be that hard.

~

It is that hard and Mike has no idea what to do but panic. He was playing uno like he promised Max, it was them, Dustin, El, Will and Lucas all playing. The whole party while the older kids did some board game with Hopper and Joyce. It's fun and has relaxed Mike a significant amount but that is the issue it seems.

He's so relaxed that he can feel his headspace practically pushing his brain into little mode. He needs to get out of here or he's gonna slip and he's gonna start to cry because his ribs still hurt and his parents would be so mad at him if they knew he was regressing and-

"Mike?" He genuinely jumps away from the hand Steve put on his shoulder. He flinched so hard that he's now standing across from everyone in the room with labored breathing. Shit! Shit! Not a panic attack right now! The last thing Mike needs right now is a panic attack.

"Honey just breathe, it's okay." He jolts at Wills hand on his forearm.

"Don't touch me!" Mike feels his stomach drop through his throat at just how loud that was and how taken back Will looks.

"I'm- I'm sorry- I didn't mean to yell at you- I just- please don't touch me- I can't- I'm sorry." He stops even attempting trying to talk and instead lets his feet stumble backwards til he's pressed against the wall beside the couch and where the hallway begins.

Mikes hands tremble when he peers down at them and that's definitely not a good sign. Shit. He takes in a shaky breath while reaching to press flat at his chest, he can feel his heart beat, but also how fast and heavy his chest is heaving. He needs to calm down, he knows that, everything is going to go to shit if Mike doesn't get himself out of this panicked state.

"Mike how can we help? Tell us what to do." Nancy's right there and Mike almost just reaches for her. She'd hold him into her chest and murmur things about how adorable he is, he loves his sister for that, that loving sisterly energy she always gives. He can't have that now though, he's still fight against his little headspace.

"Too- too much-." There's too many lights and sounds and people around. He wants to be alone where he can curl into a ball and stop being so concerned with other people seeing him.

"Too much what? Was it too loud?" It was but it was a good kind of loud until Mike realized that it was having him slip. He nods to Nancy before sliding down to the floor so he can prop up his knees and tuck his face into the fronts of them with his arms shielding his head away.

"Okay, okay, we turned off the music and tv. Does that help?" Not really. It's apparently too late for that as Mikes brain can't even focus on one solid breath or even just not replaying the events of his parents.

"Do you hear me?! You are ruining this family!"

Mike feels like screeching but refrains to rather choke a sob into his knees. He hates this, he's use to panic attacks by now but still hates the crying bit. It doesn't always happen and only really gets like this when something bad has been going on. It's still somehow worse than any of the beatings or arguments combined, Mike would rather light his skin aflame than cry willingly.

"Darling what can we do to help?" Leave him alone, make him a caregiver, make his life more than a big disappointment. But none of that's reasonable so Mike just tries to sniffle the already falling tears back.

"It's- it's still too much. Everything is too much." The lights are far too bright and he knows there’s more than an acceptable amount of eyes on him as he crumbles apart.

"Okay, alright Steve and Johnathan can take everyone else outside." Mike nods shortly to Joyce's worried words.

"Can you try to look at me? Just look up here bub." That makes a sob crack loose of Mikes chest. Nancy only ever uses that nickname when he's regressed, it originates from his childhood and the nights he'd sneak up into her bed after a bad dream. She'd lull him back to sleep with sweet murmurs and that damn nickname spoken in a gentle whisper.

"I can take you home if you want-."

"No! Please don't make me- no! I can't go there, no, I don't want to, I want to be safe. Please I just want to be be safe." He cruses his little side for being so honest with Nancy and how he knows for sure she heard the fear in his tone.

"Honey all the monsters are gone, you are safe and everyone is here safe too. We're all okay." Mike has a spurt of love spike as he hears Will reassure so gracefully, not a single doubt behind the words.

Although it's not monsters that scare Mike, not the 'other-dimension' kind at least, his monsters sleep down the hall and eat bad meatloaf together every Tuesday evening. They aren’t gone and definitely make him far from safe, if Mike lived in a perfect world where there was a never a monster real to him, he’d be halfway across the world with a different set of parents and maybe a better childhood. One that wasn’t plagued by demons and death, one lived out in the Byers backyard not a thought of worry, eating spaghetti with extra cheese and not having to skip the meal all together as it reminds Mike of what he saw in the upside down and has him gagging. He would go live in that world in a heartbeat. Maybe too quickly if he’s being honest, but there’s a main point that stands out in that world, he’d be a caregiver.

A caregiver that helps his little friends all the time instead of just sometimes. He’d be able to stay big at all times, go live out his dreams not worrying about what awaits him at home. His father would throw those punches or drink that sour smelling alcohol. His mother would look at Mike with adoration and pride instead of disgust and disappointment. His sister wouldn’t have to deal with him crawling to her for comfort. His friends could lean their heads on his shoulder instead of the other way around.

Mike longs for that life. But he knows it’s out of reach. He hates that he can’t have it and it only has him more stressed. Maybe his parents are right and he’ll never be anything in life, maybe he’s bound to rely on them til the day he dies, never leave this cursed town or even that house of horrors. Maybe he really is just a disappointment!

“Mike! Mike stop! Stop- kid- kid calm down you’ll hurt yourself even more.” He can’t calm down and he has no idea why Hopper is restraining his arms back. He doesn’t want to be touched and he definitely doesn’t want his wrists pinned like when his father leans to burn his cigar out on Mikes collar bone.

“Get off! Get off! Please stop!” Mike takes a moment to realize that he’s yelling and crying extremely loud. Louder than loud, he’s almost screeching while thrashing in Hoppers hold.

"I can’t do that kid, you were pulling your hair too tight.” He was what? He doesn’t notice it til that moment but his scalp is tender with pain and hands are in tight fists. Shit.

Mike stills and looks up at Hopper with confusion that quickly switches to dread. He has him pinned- Mike can’t do anything to get out of this grasp. He can’t defend himself in any way shape or form. Shit, shit, shit!

“Don’t- don’t hurt me, I’m sorry! Please I’m sorry. I’m sorry.” He begs and takes all his energy to stop crying, his father always got more angry the more Mike cried and maybe Hoppers the same.

“Woah, Woah, Mike breathe. I’m not going to hurt you, I’d never hurt you kid.” It’s not all that much helpful but Hopper does let his hands loosen over Mikes wrists. Mike breathes a short breath of calm.

“Can you let go? I- I won’t pull my hair.” Not purposely at least.

“Okay kid, just try to keep breathing.” His breathing isn’t perfect or anywhere close to it but it’s enough that has Mikes chest not so tight.

That calmness is quickly thrown out the window when Nancy’s appearing beside Mike with a loud gasp. Mike furrows his brows but peers down to where Nancy’s staring, his shirts pushed up enough to show the purple bruise still on his ribs, Mike quickly gets the shirt pulled down and sits up to look at Nancy wide eyed. Shit.

“Mike what happened….” Nancy trails off as tears well up in her eyes. Mike stumbles to his knees so he can try to explain that very incriminating bruise that’s surely enough for Hopper to go arrest his father.

“It’s not what you think! I- I fell, yeah, I fell.” It’s an awful lie but Mikes never been good at keeping secrets from his sister once she had an idea of what could’ve happened.

“Oh baby.” Joyce puts a hand on Nancy’s shoulder and Mike squirms under the gazes. Hoppers putting the pieces together as his eyebrows raise up his forehead, Will has a few tears sliding down that he’s quick to cover, Nancy turns her head into Joyce’s neck and Joyce just gives this look of understanding mixed with concern.

“I swear I fell! I totally fell, like- like down the stairs at home and- and…..” Nobody seems to be believing Mike so he stops talking all together.

“Mike did dad do that?” Nancy wipes her puffy eyes with a turn to Mike. He bites his bottom lip and urges his hand away from his still pained scalp to instead fidget with the hem of his shirt.

“Mike you need to tell me.” He closes his eyes with a breath, all he has to do is say it. He knows how bad everything will be afterwards but he can’t not say it.

“Yeah he did. But- but I deserved it and I should’ve known better and-! Nancy please, I deserved it, you can’t be mad at him!” His sister stands in a fury of sisterly protection that Mike follows quickly to try and stop.

“Mike, listen very carefully, no matter what happened or what you think you did, you didn’t deserve any of it. Nobody deserves to get hit by their father.” Joyce cuts in as her eyes flick to Will for a moment.

“No- no I did! I- I slipped at home and I’m not supposed to do that! I know I’m not, I broke the rules! It wasn’t even that bad! It’s far from the worst I’ve had!” Mike brushes his hands through his hair a few times as his volume raises throughout the explanation. He really did know it was a bad idea and what would come if he ever regressed at home.

“Wait- is this because you regressed?” Shit.

“Nance it’s fine, I should’ve known better.” He gives the most assuring tone he can but Nancy’s eyes light up like flames.

“I’m gonna kill him!” She’s spinning on her heels to grab the nail-filled bat that sits by the front door since everything with the upside-down went down.

Nancy storms out the door, bat up by her shoulder, walk like she’s running the world and nothing can stop her. Mike rushes to follow her outside, he knows how serious she is and it’s not going to be pretty if she gets to that house.

“Steve, Johnathan let’s go!” Both her boyfriends jaws go partly slack jaw at Nancy snatching Steve’s keys out of his back pocket and stalking to the car but they jump to follow her.

“Nancy wait!”

~

[chrisbitchtree]

The One With The Screeching Mother

Harringrove Week - Day 6

Prompt - Hawkins Community Pool shuts down for the day

1.6k

***

It had been a long, hard road for Billy to get to the place he now was, mentally and physically. Months of physical therapy to regain his strength, and appointments with a government appointed therapist to sort through his feelings of guilt and self-loathing in the aftermath of Starcourt. The other boy liked to say it was all thanks to Steve driving him to appointments and being a shoulder for Billy to cry on when it all got to be too much, but Steve knew Billy only had himself to thank.

He'd shown more strength, resilience, and drive to be better and do better than Steve knew a person could possess. It was that boy that Steve had fallen in love with, first when visiting Billy in his hospital room, then while driving him to and from appointments, first as a favour to Max when Susan was working, and then because Steve realized he just really liked being around the blonde.

Billy had just graduated high school at the top of his class and had secured the role of lead lifeguard at the Hawkins Community Pool for the summer. Steve had been worried that being back there would bring up bad memories, but in true Billy fashion, he’d fought through, conquering demons and thriving in the role.

Another concern that Steve had had was that Billy would feel awkward about showing off his scars, but he went shirtless with pride, finally seeing the marks as a sign that he’d survived, not as a reminder of pain and sadness.

He’d also been working on his relationship with the party. El and Max already loved him, and Will had quietly accepted him as one of the gang, plus Lucas was easy to sway because he was terrified of Max’s ire. Mike and Dustin had taken longer to win over, Mike being Mike, and Dustin being scared that he was losing Steve to Billy. Eventually though, when they realized that Steve loved Billy, which meant that Billy wasn’t going anywhere, they sucked it up and made their peace with him.

That was why he was allowing Billy to host a pool party at his house that afternoon, despite the fact that his mother was going to kill him for it, because she’d specifically told him he wasn’t allowed to have anyone over, less they undo the cleaning service she’d hired to clean the house for the party she was having that night had done.

***

It had started when Billy had called from the pool to tell him that there was something wrong with the chemicals, so they’d had to close down the pool for the rest of the day. Steve, who was in the middle of pulling on his bathing suit so he could head to the pool, dropped the article of clothing in disappointment. “Oh, that really sucks, baby, do you want me to meet you and the kids, and we can take them for ice cream? I can call Robin and see if she wants to meet us.”

“Well,” Billy replied. “I was wondering if we could maybe come to your place? I know your mom said no one was allowed over, but I promise that we won’t make a mess out there, and if we do, I’ll clean it up.”

“No way,” Steve said, thinking of his mother shouting at him as he wiped up muddy footprints on his hands and knees. “Not a chance. I don’t trust those kids for a second.”

“Please, pretty boy. It would win me so many points with Dustin and Mike. And it’s so hot out. Please don’t leave us to melt. I’m dripping in sweat already.”

Damn it. Now all Steve could think about was Billy, shirtless, dripping with sweat. “Fine,” he said, sighing. “But my parents are going to get here at 5:30. You and the kids need to be out of here by 5. No later. And no one steps foot inside the house. I’ll call Robin.”

“Thank you, thank you, thank you, princess,” Billy said. “I promise I’ll make it up to you later.”

“You’d better,” Steve said, laughing, even though he knew there was no way this wasn’t going to go wrong.

The first sign of the terror to come was when Robin arrived with hot dogs and a carton of ice cream.

“Where do you think you’re going with those?” He asked her, blocking her entry into the house.

“To put the ice cream in the freezer? It’s 100° out, Steve. They’ll melt out here.”

“Fine,” Steve said, grabbing the carton. “But I’ll put it in the freezer. You stay out here.”

She huffed but stayed outside as instructed.

Just as Steve was about to put the ice cream in the freezer, the phone rang. He set the carton on the counter and grabbed the phone off the receiver. “Hello?”

“Hi Steve,” Claudia Henderson greeted him. “Dusty said he’s headed to your place for a pool party. Can he bring anything?”

“No, I think we have everything covered. Thank you though, Mrs. Henderson.”

“Alright, Steve. I hope you all have fun! It’s so nice of you to do this for the kids!”

“Right,” he said. So nice of him. “Any time, Mrs. Henderson. You have a good day.”

“Bye, Steve!” he heard as he put the phone back on the hook.

He fully intended to go back to the ice cream, but then the doorbell rang. He answered it, and Mike pushed his way into the house, followed by Will and El, as Nancy and Jonathan waved from her car. “Nope, get back outside, Wheeler,” Steve said, blocking him. “Go around the side of the house.”

After that, the ice cream completely slipped his mind as he made his way back out to Mike and Robin.

Soon after, Billy arrived with Dustin, Lucas, and Max. “Hey, princess,” Billy said, kissing Steve. “Thank you again for this. I promise we’ll all be gone by 5.”

The sat side by side on lounge chairs as the kids jumped into the pool. Steve looked over at Billy, who was grinning as he watched the fun the kids were having, and he couldn’t help smiling himself as he took Billy’s hand in his own.

All was well until Dustin got out of the pool. “Hey Steve,” he called, from the other side of the pool. “Can I get a towel?”

“Can you not just dry off in the sun?” Steve asked him.

“No,” he said, shaking his head. “Then my curls will get all frizzy. I need a towel.”

Steve wasn’t really in the mood to fight him, so he stood to go grab a towel for the boy.

“Um, can I get a towel too?” Will asked. “I forgot mine in Nancy’s car.”

This was followed by a chorus of the other kids asking for a towel.

As he walked back outside with the towels, he noticed the carton of ice cream, melting and dripping all over the counter. As he was grabbing paper towels to clean it up, he slipped and fell in the mess, smearing it all over himself and the kitchen.

That was how Billy found him, when he came to check on him after he didn’t return outside. To the other boy’s credit, he managed to hold in his laughter as he helped Steve up. He then carried out the towels and distributed them as Steve cleaned up.

Halfway through cleaning, Steve heard a bee buzzing. He looked at the bee, then at the screen door that Billy had left open. Caught up in trying to catch the bee, he forgot about the ice cream. He finally managed to capture the bee, and after releasing it to the yard, he returned to the party.

The second he sat, Robin asked him if he could retrieve the hot dogs and the buns so they could cook them. “And a plate to put them on? And tongs? I’m sorry. I would do it myself, but you said we can’t go inside.”

Steve sighed, heading inside to do her bidding, because she wasn’t wrong. He had said that. Supplies collected, he headed back out.

When the hot dogs were done, the kids gathered, grabbing them. “No mustard or ketchup?” Mike asked. “No chips?” piped up Lucas.

Billy glared at them. “You little shits can eat them plain. And you don’t need chips. Steve’s done enough.”

Now Steve felt bad that Billy had to be the bad guy. “No, it’s ok. I’ll go grab stuff.”

Once he returned, the kids slathered their hot dogs in condiments. It took about three seconds for El to drop a ketchup covered hot dog in the pool. Steve didn’t even have it in him to be angry anymore. He just grabbed the pool skimmer and fished out what he could, hoping the filter would take care of the soggy clumps of bun he couldn’t manage to grab.

He did manage to be angry when he turned and found the patio door open again, wet footprints trailing in through the door, and no sign of Mike.

Steve ran inside and grabbed a clean towel, and of course that’s how his parents, home an hour early found him. Mopping up wet footprints on the carpet and hardwood floors, sticky ice cream still on the kitchen floor, a pile of dirty towels on the pool deck, and ketchup smeared on the pool skimmer, plus eight teens who weren’t supposed to be there. “Steven Harrington!” she shouted, venom in her voice. “What the hell is going on here?”

The ensuing verbal beatdown was worth it to see Billy be the hero, saving everyone from roasting in the sun.

[uhuraisgay]

5 no skip albums

lore @megafaunatic tagged me.................Well let’s see what we’re working with here

this is in no particular order and also very subject to change like i may look back on this and be like wow nah what was i thinking. and i reserve the right to do that at any time. also i dont think it necessarily reflects All Of My Music Taste or whatever. if i am being too defensive it’s because i know my answers will be boring and or cringe

lord huron strange trails ... this album was my puzzle doing album through the whole pandemic ... by this i mean i would sit in my dad’s basement and do puzzles for like 6-7 hour stretches while listening to this album on repeat and allowing no thoughts to enter my brain. if i still enjoy listening to every song on it after all that? it’s a keeper

mcr danger days. THEE middle school / early high school no skips all bangers album. gimme gimme some of that vampire money CMONNNNNN. honestly even in that part in goodnite dr death when it screeches and holds that sound for a good like 2 seconds and blasts my ear drums i don’t skip. so that says a lot about me

fleetwood mac self titled. the girlies in the 70s knew this was a no skips album....and i carry on their legacy. also every time i hear landslide i cry at least a little bit sorry it’s just who i am

waxahatchee saint cloud. i think she is a good lyricist and i love every song on this album...it gets me through sooo many commutes and long car rides and got me through so many long shifts at the cafe i used to work at when i just needed a good album to make the time pass smoother. if you get real close to the ending ... i hope you know i did what i could .... we try to give it all meaning ... glorify the grain of the wood ... tell ourselves what’s beautiful and good...

(5 albums is not enough)

florence atm ceremonials. i think this is the last one....i was teetering between a bunch but this is an album i come back to again and again when im writing when i’m sad when i need something familiar but still inspiring...i remember getting the cd and listening to nothing else for weeks when it first came out in 2011 until it was burned onto my brain forever

Ummm i tag @lesbianlizzybennet @filmnoiress @whatisthiswitchcraft @jimkirkisgay @yankeeclapdoctor ONLY IF YOU WANT but this was fun i love random info sharing ask games lol

[prenatalpeacefulliving]

24 weeks to my truth...

It's been 16 weeks since I've had the courage to express my color perspective of my reality. Much has happened and now I am ready to resume my focus back to MY TRUTH....

My babies are back with me. I began this pregnancy journey with just my youngest and my oldest son. Now, I have my middle babies here with me as well. I feel way completer and more balanced now they are here. My baby boy is over the moon about Elo (that's my unborn son's name). Every day when I come home from work, he meets me with love and kisses for my belly. My middle daughter, my dark child, isn't so welcoming right now. I know it's because he's not here yet. She's the type that wants to wait until she holds him to bond with him. I believe that she will be the one to spoil him the most.

I have begun a new career with an awesome company. I am over the moon to have such an opportunity. I worked hard for it and I know this is exactly what I need to assist me in creating the life I desire for my little ones. They have an excellent maternity leave package and are very supportive of my pregnancy. I am constantly smiling at work and have amazing co-workers. Also, my manager is amazing. I have received everything I have desired and more when it comes to my career.

I currently live in a small apartment with my babies. It's taking time for me to build myself back up but I am slowly. At first, I was completely impatient with myself but the universe humbled me quickly. Where all I could do was cry and just let go. Things are often tough right now because I reside so much in my femininity that I don't have the energy to WILL my way into anything. This is what I want, to trust the universe and just receive. I just struggle with it because I want so much for all of my babies. I often feel that I can't give it to them. I am not a father so I can't be a father to them. I only have 2 incomes so far, which would be fine if I had 2 children and I. I have 5 children, with one of them back home in GA with my mother and sister that I care for emotionally, mentally, and financially. My little ones have these dreams and I just to aid them in every part of their journey. My oldest daughter will be going to school soon and I will most likely be the one helping her with all that she wants to accomplish. Sometimes I just breakdown and cry because I feel that I am constantly failing them by not being able to fully be provided for them on my own. None of their father's help and the ones would contribute something only wants to if " I give a little, to get a little". I know I am a good mom, at least better than the one I choose when I came into this reality. I just struggle because I wish I did most of my healing work on self BEFORE I began to welcome life into this reality. There have been moments in life where I concentrated so much on one dimension, I never knew how my pain was spilling over and affecting my babies. In pain, I choose men who didn't want to be fathers. While in my pain I choose not to connect and heal myself because I didn't feel worthy of relief. Now, 5 babies later and 1 on the way I am realizing so much more about my worth as a woman, a mother, and a leader.

Being pregnant with my little joy has brought me full circle to my TRUTH. No more running from my words and those who may find perception or comfort in them. I am back to continue my Pregnancy affirmation journal and hope to have it printed and ready for sale by the time my little one arrives, which will be 02/14/2024.

Let us begin.

Physical prompt: How has your body changed since the beginning of your pregnancy? Reflect on the physical transformations you've noticed.

Affirmation: "My body is a miraculous vessel, adapting beautifully to nurture my growing baby."

I am in the favorite part of pregnancy. I feel his kicks and movement, which brings me joy that strong little prince is feeling snug and secure within my being. I believe I am much bigger than I have been in the past with my prior babies. I am only halfway there, and my pregnancy waddle is very evident most days. I have aches and pains from time to time while walk. Lying down is my preferred method of relaxation. I am constantly rubbing myself to self sooth as my body grows. My hips are getting wider, yet stronger. I am carrying low, like most women who carry boys. I love my cravings and the satisfactions of my cravings. I can tell that Elo loves that part to. I can smell something that instantly makes me salivate and within minutes he's kicking giving the approval that he's on board with what it was too. I am glowing and my hair has grown luxuriously. My sister says I look younger in my pictures lol Of course my prince is turn back the hands of time of mommy.

Emotional Prompt: Reflect on your support system. Who has been there for you during your pregnancy, and how do they contribute to your emotional well-being?

Affirmation: "I am surrounded by a loving and supportive network that nurtures my emotional health and well-being."

In the beginning I felt hurt that the one I wanted to be there decided not to be present for us. Now, I am happy that the ones who choose to remove themselves, did so. With my babies here surrounding me with abundance of laughter, love and support I have so much confidence about bringing Elo home to meet his family. My sister has been there for to emote and give me so much encouragement while I've been riding a roller coaster ride of emotions. The co-creator of Elo tried a pitiful way of reaching out through social media. I blocked him. He chose his path, and I chose mine. There's nothing left to say.

Mental Prompt: As you prepare for the arrival of your baby, what mental preparations are you making?

Affirmation: "I am actively preparing my mind and acquiring knowledge to ensure a smooth transition into motherhood."

Although this isn't my introduction into motherhood, I am fully aware of the major shift I will be embarking once my beautiful life form becomes into a solid form within our reality. I have been meditating daily and being very gentle with myself. This will help me while giving birth and to assist in stabilizing myself once he is out in this world. I am also reading much more. I truly believe what you expose yourself mentally while pregnant is being passed on to the creation of your own.

To my mother's: Be aware of what you expose yourself to because our little ones absorb these energies into their being as well.

Spiritual Prompt: Reflect on the spiritual aspect of your pregnancy. How has this experience deepened your connection to the divine or the universe?

Affirmation: "I am spiritually attuned to the miracle of life within me, connected to the universe's wisdom and guidance."

Every pregnancy is different and brings you closer and closer to the knowing that you are a divine vessel continually creating. Carrying my 6th child that has choose me to be the portal for his awakening is such a profound calling. Our little ones choose us to guide them and love them as fulfill their life's purpose. This blessing has brought me close to my own divinity by showing me my strength and resiliency despite any unkind conditions.

[quotedfictions]

Posted

Synopsis: Pictures of you leak from your middle school, damaging your clean reputation with the other students at UA. Your boyfriend decides to take things into his own hands after discovering you are crying in the kitchen late at night.

Themes: Overprotective boyfriend, comfort, late night snacks, fluff, depression, soft bakugou.

Warnings: Cyberbullying, Mentions of Self Harm, Depressive Behaviors, Violence, Profanity, mentions of assault

Wordcount: 1,293

Initially, you had no idea why your phone was blowing up in the middle of class, let alone that it was only your phone because usually, everyone's phone would go off if something had happened. The initial vibration had scared you and set off your quirk, flower petals bursting out of your H/c hair. Since it was a break, you had pulled out your phone, wondering why it had gone off. Small blue flowers started blooming and falling from your cheeks, acting as metaphorical tears while you kept the real tears inside, knowing that these photos have wholly ruined any friendships you had here at UA. Not only were you in shock at what you had come across, but you were also scared and ashamed; you had to keep it all in cause Bakugo would try to hunt down the perpetrators at their high school.

You were lucky that non of your fellow 1A classmates had seen the photos, photos with no context on how she got into those positions, into these photos. You held it in, hearing everyone return from break so you could continue with the day, sitting in your silent sorrow, shame, and embarrassment for the rest of the day, even though lunch you entirely an even opted to eat outside, away from everyone, including your loving and violent boyfriend Katsuki. Even when you returned to the dorms, you stayed in your room, waiting for everyone to head to sleep, not wishing to show your face to anyone figuring they all knew about the pictures by now and no longer wanted to be your friends, even thinking that Katsuki wouldn't love you anymore.

Later that evening, you were in the kitchen, making yourself dinner since you skipped out on dinner, but halfway through the process, you broke out in tears, every droplet from your face causing small, slightly ill flowers to bloom from the tiny drops of tears on the counters and floor. "I thought they were my friends. How could they post those pictures? How could they twist the story against me? I never meant to hurt them! It was just self-defense.

Right?" you started crying more, crouching down while your arms were straight up because you were holding the counter's edge. You stared at the floor, more tears falling, and this caused you to let go of the counter and hug yourself as you looked at the photos on your phone. You never wanted to be in those situations where you got bloodied up and had to fight back to protect your life, let alone you had no idea that your so-called friends were taking pictures of every single assault and making it. Hence, it looked like you were the one attacking people, and, to be honest, they were making it look like you shouldn't belong in a hero school and that you should be in a juvenile detention center or on probation. At some point, you dropped your phone and hugged your knee's quietly, sobbing, not even realizing someone had entered the kitchen, wondering who was crying and why.

You jumped as soon as you learned of the presence, trying your best to hide yourself and your phone, and the large male looked down at you, worried about his girlfriend "Y/n?" his scratchy voice was quiet and unusually soft; the male understanding by your body language alone that you were scared of him at the moment "Go away, you probably know already so just go hate me somewhere else." Katsuki quirks an eyebrow, wondering what you were going on about; why would you think he'd hate you? "Hate you? Why would I hate you?" You looked up at him, the tears on your face now visible. "Oh… I guess you have seen yet, that's good…" you mumble, but it doesn't allude to the taller male's ears. "Seen what, Y/n? Why are you crying?" You grab your phone to hide it, but Katsuki grabs your wrist, causing you to drop it.

The male picks it up and looks through the leaked photos and comments from other UA students. Though not that he thought about it, the others were concerned about images earlier, and the male now understands why. "Y/n, do you think everyone hates you because of these??" You look to the side, still unwilling to look at your boyfriend, who is usually asleep by now, not wanting him to see the pain, despair, and shame present on your face. "Y/n, I may have been the last to see these, but no one in 1-A hates you just because some jealous assholes decided they were going to try an fuck up your reputation.

"The 1-B guys can shove sticks up their ass because everyone knows you'd never hurt people without reason." You huff in frustration, not understanding why your boyfriend doesn't want to break up with you. It wasn't until the larger male plopped down next to you and pulled you into a tight, comforting, and warm hug; which seemed so far from ordinary coming from him, that you just started balling your eye's out once more, soaking the shoulder of his tank top once more, your hands gripping his chest tightly. "I didn't want to hurt them… I didn't want to hospitalize all those people; I didn't!" Bakugo rubbed your back gently, trying to comfort you without losing his temper and going to the next dorm building to beat up class 1-B.

"Y/n, it's not you're fault; it is not your fault, okay?" although his voice was scratchy, it was soft and comforting. You quietly sob into his shoulder, the comfort helping you handle the stress of your past and your reasonings for being a hero being re-established. As you begin to calm down, your eyes start growing heavier, all your energy going into the tears and the blue petals falling from your hair. When your eyes finally close, your breathing softens as Katsuki picks you up off the floor and places your fruit bowl in the fridge, writing a not-to-go so the others wouldn't try to take it.

The following day, Katsuki told Aizawa-Sensei what was going on, and the teacher handled it in an empathetic way; he excused you from morning classes in exchange for staying late during training to make up for practical training in the morning had been shown empathy from your teacher, knowing that Katsuki would probably assault all of 1-B if he hadn't, Aizawa had also go and scolded the entire class of 1-B for their behavior towards you, and that it was unfit for future heroes to judge ones past without context.

As the day ended, you continued training, taking out any leftover frustration on the concrete in the training center, not noticing the secondary teenager who decided to join you for the rest of your training. When you finally stop to breathe, giant sunflower blooms on the floor, and you notice that your caring boyfriend has joined you in the training center. "Feel better?" his recognizable voice made you relax despite your heavy breathing. "Much better… Thank you, Katsuki, thank you so much" You smiled softly, looking over at him and stretching your arms above your head before walking over to him and hugging him softly. "Thank you for being there for me even if I thought you weren't."

The male smiled softly, kissing your cheek while hugging you back despite the teacher being in the center's front office."I'll always be there for your Y/n despite what you may think; I love you more than anything." The statement makes you smile, and when you finish up your training, you both walk back to the dorm for dinner, enjoying each other's company before dealing with the chaos of your classmates.

End.

[terrovaniadorm]

I finally finished her! So here she comes..

Name: Sieglinde Kamiya

Nicknames: Sieglinde Alche

Age: 16

Birthday: November 20th

Height: 154cm

Species: Human

Family: Adopted father, Viviane Alche (adopted sister), Adopted brothers

Homeland: A far away land

Twisted from: Sword of Dios

School: Witching Hour Academy (@witchinghouracademy)

Class: First year, middle course

Dorm: Rosecrux (@calderadorm)

Occupation: Student

Club: Infirmary

Best Subject: Biology

Dominant hand: Ambidextrous

Favorite Food: Spicy food

Likes: Anywhere that's peaceful and quiet

Dislikes: Being alone

Talents: She can't tell really ...

Hobby: gardening

Personality: Sieglinde is a quiet girl, she likes it when she's not noticed by others but she also desires to make friends... A girl who is conflicted to make people happy or making herself happy. Someone who fears to speak up about her true feelings, let's them lay dormant.

Unique Magic: The God Hand

The God Hand allows Sieglinde to create a personalized sword for anyone who is her "prince", every sword is different than the other.

This also means she can't create a sword for herself.

Trivia

-Adopted sister of Viviane Alche, they don't have a stable relationship

-Rose accessory she has is a gift from her birth parents, the only memory of them

-Sieglinde isn't a duelist, at all. She's trying to learn.

-She discovered her UM at a very young age, after trying to help an older boy she knew in he hometown.

-Sieglinde usually spends her time in the school's infirmary or in her room, taking care of her pot plants.

━━━━━━━━━━━━━༻❁༺━━━━━━━━━━━━━

Witching Hour Academy's shadow play showtime!

Once upon a time, the Rose Witch had stumbled upon a strange sight:

A lonely sage sheath, adorned with the finest golden details despite looking old and used, surrounded by wilted roses that would make every princess cry upon sight.

"What are you doing here, all alone?" the rose witch asked the sheath, "Wait for my new friend, the blade." it answered dismissively as the witch kneeled closer to it.

The Rose Witch asked again, "Why hasn't it taken you as well?" She gently moved the wilted roses away, clearing the surroundings. "The blade has an important purpose, i on the other hand simply accompany my friend…"

"What kind of blade abandons their friend?" to that the sheath couldn't answer, the Rose Witch grabbed the sheath, carefully lifting it, "A sheath without its sword is useless isn't it? Was it just using you to keep itself shiny?"

"No!!" the sheath cried out, "Friends look out for each other don't they.." it sounded like it was about to cry.

the Rose Witch smiled as she had a lesson for it, "One can look out for self like a friend could, there's value in everything." the witch put down the sheath, "One day perhaps you also can see the value without the sword."

With that the Rose Witch turned to leave. The sage sheath watched her leave without saying a word.

But did the sheath really believe the words of the Rose Witch? Could it truly be more than a sheath for a sword?

Oh, who knows! Who knows!