#but attracted to women and other nonbinary people

[uncanny-tranny]

At some point, I think people have to contend with the fact that misgendering isn't a completely a universally agreed upon concept in the specific sense that misgendering can be very personal.

What may be misgendering to you will not be to other trans people - even if they have the same gender as you. You may be misgendered if somebody used the wrong label to describe you (e.g., somebody calling you "girl," even if it is slang), but that does not mean that that will apply to everybody.

It's important to recognize this because so often, people will say things like, "you can't use this label/phrase/term for any trans person who is a [gender]! And if any trans person who is a [gender] uses those labels/phrases/terms, they're wrong and bad!" and that is simply too broad a generalization.

It's fine to be uncomfortable with certain things like this. It is fine if you don't want to be misgendered, and indeed, I share in that sentiment. However, that does not mean that your comforts and discomforts apply to all trans people or all trans people who share your gender. There's a difference in that, I think.

[neonbuck]

maybe it will clear out more toxic people if i come out as a bi lesbian on here and also considerably less transmasc than i used to identify as

[just-your-average-tangerine]

You! Queer person! Are you normal about queer experiences that you don't relate to or understand?

[rainbowtvz]

*grits teeth*

i do not want to discourse here or anywhere anymore but it does kind of affect me as a transmasc bi person when i see shit that indirectly misgenders me and implies that bisexuality is an icky no good word and identity and you have to be bi and gay and bi and lesbian and bi and straight at the same time or support them or you're an evil stinky stinky terf like... hello where am, i

[critterchitters-closedcaptions]

funny thing about attraction is that i am Not at all interested in cis guys. right.

except for the literal worst fictional men you've ever layed eyes on.

this character is horrible and *will* harm my general health?

comfort character babey.

occasionally theres the just Regular Ass Guy right, but 90% of the time its either women or the literal scum of the earth (or both. lady villains. aaough <3 yes please)

[cigarette-room]

one interesting thing I noticed about being nonbinary and having multiple pronouns (with the intention of using them interchangeably) is that people usually call you only one of them depending on what they're attracted to

another interesting thing I noticed is that they usually don't stop doing that shit even when you tell them you're uncomfortable and it feels dehumanizing

[sunkern-plus]

i know there should be more yuri (because of this website being the yuri website and the woman prioritizer website, and i agree as a woman prioritizer), but...there should also be secret third thing, secret fourth thing, and secret fifth thing stuff too (n/n stuff, women x nonbinary stuff, and men x nonbinary stuff)

[hhhhghhhh]

idk things have changed over the years but i've found it so isolating to be an increasingly feminine/gnc man(kinda) who wants a romantic relationship with a woman and just like loves girls a lot. like im not fooling myself into thinking im the most feminine person ever, i'm not but like. i'm beyond the realm of okayness with heterosexual norms to be sure. and there's nothing of myself to make up for the fact that i am seen as lacking. im the happiest i've ever been im the most comfortable with my appearance ever but im like so lonely all the time. what teh fuck.

[chickenisamazing]

Dear lord what did I do wrong to have to get into bi/pan discourse with a teenager on the internet in the year 2023

[luciif3r]

To allos I'm: asexual and aromantic

To other aspecs: I'm aceflux, sex indifferent, and aromantic romance repulsed

[5-htreuptakeinhibitor]

l@imari has a place in my heart fr

[navree]

Never miss an opportunity to drag Riverdale/RAS. Is this like when people were frothing at the mouth whenever others would say that Cheryl Blossom was bisexual?

Oh God don't remind me. I don't care if everyone else has forgotten, I remember when Madelaine Petsch said literally on her YouTube channel that Cheryl was bi after season 2, before they decided to make it canon within the show that she was just fully a lesbian (not a problem, and I'll give the show some minor props that they then remained pretty consistent with Cheryl being a firm lesbian for the remainder of the plot, but the amount of vitriol people would get in season 2 was just Insane).

What the whole "wow can't believe Alicent isn't queer anymore because she's gonna have sex with a man" and "Francesca Bridgerton is a lesbian guys her husband was just comphet" thing boils down to is just an inability to actually see bisexual people as, well, bisexual. It's a failure to understand that a bisexual man or bisexual woman is going to be interested in more than one gender, including potentially someone of the opposite gender, likely because people don't want to acknowledge that they view it as a "lesser" form of queerness. Like, there's a reason why half the time, a character being confirmed bi just means that if you even attempt to ship them outside of a same sex relationship people are going to act fucking insane. A lot of people just see bisexuality not as an actual queer identity in its own right, but as Homosexuality Lite, and treat it accordingly with the lack of respect and care and consideration towards real bisexual people that you then see echoed in fandom spaces towards bisexual characters, either canonical or coded.

With Francesca I'm finding it particularly galling because the show, from what I've seen, has already set up her relationship with her future husband to be one borne of genuine affection and clearly filled with love on both sides, mutually reciprocated. And from what I've been told of her book (I have not read these books nor do I intend to), her feelings of grief and lost love over the fact that her husband died and she was widowed young are a huge part of her story, and why the poignancy of her finding love again in Michael (or, in the show!verse, Michaela) hits especially hard, because it does show that you can have great loves in your life more than just once. So trying to make it seem that there was never any romantic love for John is literally a failure to understand the story and its meaning.

Also I will always bash Riverdale, one of the great building blocks of this blog is bashing Riverdale and RAS's ten million shitty writing decisions, and I shan't be stopped.

[renniferno]

happy pride y'all i'm the vague approximation of a person piloting a broken down meatmech they/them engaged to a he/they lesbian on manitizer and i'm here to make it everyone else's problem

[falinscloaca]

i do find it really funny actually that lots of sapphic terminology tends to evolve as a game of "spot-the-problem" whack-a-mole

[t4transsexual]

trans people who are anti t4t make me so sad. because beyond just not knowing what being t4t means, the fact that they believe that t4t is just being a chaser is indicative of a deeper issue, being that cis people have ingrained the idea that we are unfuckable and unloveable, disgusting by nature, and that anybody who would voice attraction to us, a step further, ONLY CHOOSE TO DATE TRANS PEOPLE, would be a pervert with a disgusting fetish who wont see them as equal.

thats not what t4t is.

t4t is the rejection of the idea that we are inherently disgusting, just because we are in the eyes of a cisnormative society.

t4t is the understanding that we are safer and stronger together as a community than apart.

t4t is seeing your trans boyfriend try on clothes from your old boy wardrobe that you hated growing up but now your least favorite shirt is your favorite because its the perfect shade of red that brings out his eyes.

t4t is teaching your trans girlfriend that has been scared to do her own makeup how youve learned from other trans women, who learned from other trans women, who learned from other trans women.

t4t is doing your testosterone shots together and kissing each others sticks after you put the bandaid on.

t4t is holding the door for your trans girlfriend and showing her the chivalry she didn't get from her dad growing up, but its ok because you can show her now.

t4t is being on the phone with your partner who just came out as trans/nonbinary after seeing you, YOU, live your truth, and them asking you to help them find a new name, the perfect name for them, and you hope theyll carry that part of you forever.

you are trans and that is beautiful. your transness is beautiful. trans love is beautiful. dont let ANYBODY make you feel unworthy of sex or love. THATS what being t4t means.

[boreal-sea]

The queer community is full of hurt people.

This can lead to a knee-jerk reaction when we hear someone else say "I am hurt". We look at them and say "shut up, you're not as hurt as me because you have X privilege".

This leads to femme afab queers being told "you can pass and hide as cishet, you're not as hurt as queer women who look queer, you're just complying with the patriarchy's ideals for beauty, you're hurting the queer community, you're anti feminist."

It leads to masc afab people, whether trans men or nonbinary or genderqueer etc, being told everything from "you're not as hurt, you can pass as a cis man" to "you have no desire to transition, you still look like a girl, shut up".

It leads to trans amab people who are nonbinary or genderqueer or agender etc, who still dress or look "masculine", being told that they are "unsafe" for queer spaces, that they don't belong at a "women and nonbinary meeting", that they are "basically just cis men trying to escape accountability".

It leads to asexuals being told "you don't even feel sexual attraction, the thing we're ostracized for! how could you possibly be oppressed? You're just straight and a prude" and aromantics being told "you're just straight and like casual sex, get over yourself" and both being told "you're just a cishet who wants to steal resources".

I have heard every single kind of queer person say "I have been harmed and ostracized by the queer community". Lesbians, gay men, bisexuals and mspec people, trans people, aroace people - every single one of us has expressed feeling ostracized by our own community.

On the plus side, this means you're not alone. Your group isn't the only one facing this. You have allies!! Other queer people who have gone through what you've gone through!

We need queer unity. We need to stop attacking each other. If you feel the urge to say "shut up, my group has been hurt MORE", go take a walk. Remember that every single one of us has been hurt.