#but because there’s a line of separation has become very blurred

[1dhq]

x

[celaenaeiln]

I want to talk about Dick Grayson's beauty, sex symbol status, and how it all connects for a moment.

This is a prelude to an upcoming post but I needed to include this separately because the other was getting too big.

First of all Dick Grayson is a beautiful man.

And you're probably thinking "well, no duh. Everyone knows that." but what I mean is Dick Grayson was intentionally made to be beautiful.

For a little historical context, around the late 1950s the culture in the US was changing. It was around this time, that people began exploring and accepting what they called a "feminine man".

This was really taking place in cinema and stuff where they began to show softer versions of men doing "typically female roles" as heroes.

One example is the movie "The Man Who Shot Liberty Valance", a 1962 Hollywood film. In summary, it takes place in the midwest and is centered about Cowboys, gunslingers, the shebang. But the point is, there are two male leads in the movie - Ranse Stoddard (played by Jimmy Stewart) and Tom Donophon (played by John Wayne). Ranse and Tom are both the heroes in the film but with a key difference. Tom is like the sheriff of the town, loved by all and focusing his time on practicing his gun skills. The savior of women and normal people, he's the typical masculine hero. His face is rough and handsome. Ranse however was the new wave. He doesn't care about carrying the gun, he thinks it's uncouth and focuses much of his attention on sending the evil guy (Liberty Valance) to jail through laws. He doesn't want to kill and he takes a more advocative approach. He is also loved by everyone despite not being super masculine. Ranse's face is clean and almost dainty in comparison to Tom and Liberty Valance's.

Despite the complete opposites they are, both men are considered heroes. On one hand, you have the very male typical hero but on the other hand, you have the feminine male hero. At one point the evil guy laughs when Ranse walks in wearing an apron because serving tables is a "woman's job", but Ranse doesn't let it bother him.

How does this connect to Dick Grayson?

Dick Grayson is the feminine hero of DC. DC jumped on the pretty boy hero train.

That's also why in the Teen Titans (1966) comics, Dick keeps being referred to by endearingly feminine pet names by the titans which they seem to only use on him.

Standard gender roles: Men were expected to be strong, aggressive, and bold while women were expected to be polite, accommodating, and nurturing. Sound familiar about a certain duo?

But Dick? He plays both male and female gender roles in a time period where it wasn't socially acceptable to do so.

So my point is, Dick was created to blur the lines between gender and the way his character has progressed - he's meant to be the definition of a man opposite to male toxicity.

He can cook and do laundry whereas Bruce, the image of male dominance cannot.

This also falls into another role of Bruce and Dick's but it applies here as well in hindsight.

One thing people need to understand is that Dick was created to be the antithesis of Bruce Wayne. For all the gloominess that Bruce is Dick was meant to be the joy. He is the light to Bruce's darkness.

Which is why Dick often acts as the loving mother to the batfamily while Bruce acts as the stern father. Because Dick was created for the female role.

Part of the reason why I love Dick and Kory is because they do this at a time where girlbossing and malewifing wasn't a thing. Kori is consistently the dominant one when it comes to love in their relationship while Dick plays a softer, more "wife like" role. The way Kori is taller than Dick and buffer than him ✨

He is quite literally a queen consort - that is the role that Kori begs him to take after she is forced to marry someone her father picks out for her. But Dick refuses in tears because his morality cannot bear becoming a mistress and ruining someone else's marriage.

I know this is a long tangent but here's where the sex symbol comes in. Dick was created to be the most beautiful figure in DC but him being beautiful is not supposed to be confused with him being objectified.

Being beautiful is just something he was born as. What people do as a result has nothing to with DC

Take this for instance

He's literally just showering and comes out of the shower to find a random little girl singing about his and batman's identities. Creepy? Yes. Very much so. So he chases after her and finds her gone. Well there's nothing he can do now, he needs to go back and analyze what's going on and contact the other titans-

Crap.

Look at all the women that are ogling him, and even the ginger looks as if he doesn't know if he's jealous or wants to join - but there's nothing Dick did to make them do that. He's literally minding his own business and got caught outside. Did he hit on the women? Did he seduce them? Did he purposefully show off and make a loud commotion because he wanted the attention? No!

Arguing that Dick Grayson shouldn't be a sex symbol just seems wrong to me considering that it's not a fault of his.

It's like telling Kori not to have large breasts and telling Dinah not to wear fishnets.

People still ogle them regardless of how they dress because they're just that attractive. You can't tell someone to look a different way because you don't like the attention they're receiving...that's literally the opposite of everything people should be fighting for

Arguing that Dick Grayson being a sex symbol is a problem because he's too beautiful and blaming the actions of other characters for thinking so is just...

it's wrong.

He was created to be beautiful to fight male toxic masculinity. He's woman coded for a reason.

We should be embracing him. He represents everything male freedom should be about. He constantly placed in a female role, in female positions-

In queer positions-

He's acrobatic, slender, and sensual. He's gentle, loving, and beautiful.

When has the beauty of a person ever been a reflection of their character? The way fandom is going, it's implying that because female characters make sexualized comments about Dick's body, it's somehow Dick's fault for looking that way. We're blaming him for his "womanizing" ways as if he hasn't put his heart and soul into every relationship he's had. And while we're busy calling him a womanizer, we conveniently forget that the women he's in relationships with have significant personalities of their own. We inadvertently reduce their beings to plastic bags, ignoring that they have broken up with each other because of being unable to resolve conflicting beliefs, different career paths, different lifestyles, and more. It's not a one way road with our treatment of Dick. It's a two way street because we're harming both Dick and strong women like Kori, Barbara, Bea, Shawn, and Helena by pretending what they believe in and live for is unimportant in love.

Instead we should be exploring how the objectification might have an impact on Dick's mental health rather than blaming DC for using characters to describe how hot Dick is.

All the beautiful traits of Dick Grayson - his ambiguous sexuality, his overwhelming love for people, his affection for his friends, the way he cries and feels for others - all of it is beautiful, is it not?

From his very creation Dick was meant to be someone who breaks gender roles. The constant attraction he receives from both men and women in all of DC's media is evidence of that. The Grayson comics push the boundaries of his sexuality as much as DC will allow. To be queer without coming out with it. He is the feminine hero.

Everyone seems to hate that he's being called a sex symbol but why does that bother you? Dick Grayson IS the pretty girl of the comic universe. He IS the babygirl of DC.

DC has created the perfect view of what it's like to be a woman through Dick Grayson and we're spitting on the most accurate representation of a female that comics have ever created by blaming them for expressing what it's like to live as a woman.

[lazyjellyfish300]

~Lazy Jellyfish Writings~

Welcome

REMINDER: UNDER 18 DNI AS MOST OF MY WORK IS NSFW. I AM NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR THE CONTENT YOU CONSUME. PLEASE DON'T PLAGIARISE/TRANSLATE/FEED INTO AI ANY OF MY WORK(S). REBLOGS/RECOMMENDING MY WORK IS MUCH APPRECIATED. REPOSTING TO ANOTHER SITE OR ADDING TO A FIC LIST IS OKAY AS LONG AS YOU CREDIT ME PROPERLY!! 😄 IF YOU GET INSPIRED BY SOMETHING OF MINE PRETTY PLEASE TAG ME IN IT BECAUSE I'D LOVE TO SEE IT.

🪼🖤

Hello! I'm Jelly! Jellyfish, JJ, any variation of those also welcomed🪼♎🇹🇴 I like to write for fun and started this blog in Nov '23 thanks to my Miguel O'Hara (ATSV) fixation. I also write for Peter B. and Ben Reilly, though not as often. Just starting to write for Nanami Kento(JJK).

I love to gush/talk about Miguel and I mainly write for him at the moment and for the unforeseeable future 🤧. I'm happy to become moots and love to support fellow writers. I do get delulu on here and sometimes yap about self ship thoughts. 😁Requests are closed but on the rare occasion I open them I take fluffy ideas only, which I can sometimes make suggestive but that is solely my discretion.

I am also on AO3 and Instagram under the same user: lazyjellyfish300. 🪼

Masterlist below the cut:

Most of my reader POVS are fem or AFAB, sorry. Since I am a cis female that is the pov I feel I can write the most accurately. I try to exclude reader's appearance as much as possible except clothing. I describe curvy body parts. You might have superficial things like tattoos or piercings once in a while but that's it. I try to do gender neutral every once in a while where I can.) My rating system is my humble opinion & might not be totally correct, read at your own risk.

Updated as of: 6/21/24

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🌶️-suggestive 🌶️🌶️-moderate smut

🌶️🌶️🌶️-very smutty 💖-fluff 💔-angst 🔥-slow burn/smut doesn't happen right away

Miguel O'Hara(Reader x Miguel)

-DD series🌶️🌶️🌶️🔥💔💖 (ongoing-9 chapters/11-links for the chapters will be in each post, Miguel is your Uber Driver with a twist on the og Miguel O'Hara comic) DD series art I have commissioned from the artist @/ejpuki on insta

-As you slept 🌶️💔💖(Twilight AU with Miguel Cullen. He visits you while you sleep, TW: STALKERISH)

-Have I found You?- 💔💖Twilight AU Miguel Cullen, inspired by ending prom scene of the first Twilight movie

-In Between the Bookshelves-💖🔥🌶️🌶️🌶️ Librarian!Miguel AU, a trip to the library has a spicy conclusion

-In a Vial around your pretty little neck 🌶️🌶️💖(you & Miguel wear vials of each other's blood)

-The Stuffed Rabbit- 🌶️💖you go to Build-A-Bear and plan a Valentine's Day surprise for Miguel(same universe as in a vial around your pretty little neck)

-With New Eyes, Every Time-🌶️💖 with Miguel about your date to the aquarium, inspired by one of my moots.

-A Boardwalk Date-💖💔 a boardwalk date with Miguel in Seaside Heights, New Jersey.

-Books and Puzzles -🌶️💖 Bookstore, coffee and puzzle building date with Miguel

-Miguel Parenting Headcanons🌶️💖 (two parts which are linked in the post)

-Mom and Dad are Fighting on Christmas🌶️🌶️💔💖 (Jerry Maguire inspired, angsty piece with Miguel) also a Valentines spinoff: Mom and Dad are Fighting on Valentine's Day 🌶️🌶️💔💖

-Mom and Dad are Getting Along-quick blurb as an ending to the other two mom and Dad are fighting pieces, on a quiet Mother's Day morning 🌶️💖

-Mom and Dad are having a Family Movie Night-request, fluffy blurb🌶️💖

-Blurred Lines -🌶️🌶️💔💖, (2 parts)you become his fwb reluctantly in hopes he'll eventually fall in love with you too, but it's not that simple.

-Relationship Weight🌶️🌶️💖soft Miguel reassuring insecure reader

-Bedtime Giggles- 💖short fluffy blurb with Mig

-Breakfast for dinner 💖🌶️-short fluffy blurb with Mig

-What's Mine is Yours 💖-fluffy blurb, Miguel starts to love everything you love as his partner

-An Easter Proposal(s)-💖🌶️ 3 short separate stories about getting engaged to Miguel on Easter, based off 3 different rings to choose from.

-Fortune Cookies💖-fluffy blurb with Mig sharing takeout & fortune cookies

-Piece by Piece-Miguel comforts you with your daddy issues💖💔

-A Box of Chocolates💖🌶️-trip to the choclatier on your birthday with your boyfriend Miguel

-I'm Here -💖🌶️fluffy blurb with Mig, helping you with your back pain, inspired by another Tumblr user.

-Fell in Love with You in Stages- fluffy blurb where Miguel takes care of you, his friend and crush he's had for a while when you break your ankle-request💖🌶️

-I know -short fluffy blurb. Miguel agonizes about telling you he's Spider-Man. But you already know. 💖💔

-I hate you. You hate me. (Right?)- you're called the Black Cat assassin and your next victim is Miguel, short fluffy slight angst one shot. 💖💔

-Stood Up- short fluffy angsty request, you and your boss Miguel have secret crushes on each other. You get stood up on a date and he's there to comfort you. 💖💔🌶️

-Running Away from the World With You -🌶️💖 request, Miguel ditches work to cuddle with you, his wife while Jess and the gang search for him.

-Only We Know-request-fluffy short fic, going to Comic Con with Miguel. Friends to Lovers 💖🌶️

-Miguel loves your tattoos- drabble in outline format💖🌶️

-A Day Off At Miguel's💖 -longer fluffy blurb where your boyfriend cheats & Miguel's there to cheer you up.

-Gentleman 💖🌶️🌶️🌶️💔🔥 -chapters 4/?-mini series where you're a broke college student intern at Alchemax and Miguel becomes your sugar daddy

-Long Distance 🌶️🌶️🌶️-naughty dialogue on the phone with him

-Silent - 🌶️🌶️💖 smutty short blurb exploring Miguel's quiet side in the bedroom

-Can we always be this close? -fluffy angsty drabble about slow dancing 💖💔

-Love Across Dimensions💖💔-fluffy angsty headcanon outline of your relationship. A spinoff from Long Distance. Along with smutty pt 2.🌶️🌶️🌶️💖💔

-Still and All -angsty, heavier piece(lots of TW in description). You have a lifelong STI and you need to tell Miguel when you start dating him. 🌶️🌶️💔💖🔥

-The Woman He Didn't Choose - series ongoing 7 chapters/?-angsty Bachelor AU where you made the final two but he chose the other woman. 🌶️🌶️💔🔥

-A Night in a Hotel Room with Miguel and Nanami-🌶️🌶️🌶️💖 Threesome crossover fic featuring Nanami Kento from JJK.

-Traitor- angsty blurb about your breakup with Miguel inspired by some break up songs🌶️🌶️💔

-Just A Little Carried Away -NSFW Mig blurb 🌶️🌶️🌶️

-Mirror-NSFW Husband!Miguel short blurb 💖🌶️🌶️🌶️

-Hot Tub with a View-Husband Miguel!drabble about doing the nasty in a hot tub on vacay 🌶️🌶️🌶️💖

-Sex by the Fireplace-smut blurb 🌶️🌶️🌶️💖

-Camping with Miguel-camping trip that turns into more than just friends. 🌶️🌶️🌶️💖

-Possessive Miguel drabbles-links to both in this post. One is SFW the other is NSFW but more suggestive & no smut 💖🌶️

-Hand holding during sex-short NSFW Miguel thought🌶️🌶️🌶️💖

-Calling him Daddy-smutty blurb 🌶️🌶️🌶️💖

-Praise and a HJ-getting Miguel off while you praise him drabble🌶️🌶️🌶️💖

-Miguel's shoulders in the dark NSFW drabble 🌶️🌶️

-Intimacy with Miguel NSFW drabble 🌶️🌶️

-Miguel's obsessed with your legs drabble-NSFW headcanon format 🌶️🌶️💖

-Intertwining Souls with Miguel O'Hara-cuddling naked with him blurb🌶️💖

-Titty Massage-Miguel holds your tits when stressed drabble🌶️🌶️💖

-Tell Me-hopeless romantic NSFW Miguel blurb where you tell him how much you love him during intimacy 🌶️🌶️🌶️💖

-In Your Name-NSFW Villain! Miguel drabble🌶️🌶️🌶️💖

-Apology-drabble, rainy, middle of the night makeup sex 🌶️🌶️🌶️💖

-One Cabin-🌶️🌶️💖(3 blurbs linked in the post) with Miguel playing on the one bed trope. Instead what if you had to share a cabin with him on a mission?

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Peter B. Parker x Reader

-DBF!Peter B. Parker comes to dinner -your dad's new friend from work comes over for dinner one evening with a spicy conclusion.🌶️🌶️🌶️💖

-Down Bad-short blurbs where you're a stripper and he takes you home-2 parts linked in the post 🌶️🌶️🌶️💖

-Eating You Out on Your Honeymoon -short NSFW blurb🌶️🌶️🌶️💖

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Ben Reilly x Reader

Dating Headcanons-gn!reader x Ben 🌶️💖

Traitor epilogue- Spider-Woman Reader x Ben 🌶️💖💔 this fic is technically a pairing with Miguel, however the epilogue has a happy ending with Ben after your breakup. 🫶🏽

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Nanami Kento x Reader

-A Night in a Hotel Room with Miguel and Nanami-🌶️🌶️🌶️💖 Threesome crossover fic between ATSV Miguel and Nanami. Miguel is your boyfriend and he decides to share you for a night.

-Nanami can't help but leave kisses on your body-fluffy suggestive blurb 💖🌶️

-Nanami doesn't say I Love You-🌶️🌶️💖 about Nanami's expressions of love he says besides I love you blurb

-Calling him daddy-drabble 🌶️🌶️💖

-Making out and car sex -quick blurb 🌶️🌶️💖

-Rainy Day Sex-quick smut blurb🌶️🌶️💖

-Bubble Bath with Nanami 🌶️🌶️💖

-Letters from Nanami 💖🌶️💔 his postcard letters to you from his mission

-Nanami helps you with your daddy issues by spoiling you-💖🌶️🌶️💔

-I should have Quit but instead I took care of you -Dr. Kento!Nanami headcanons based on an album by The Antlers 💔

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Carlisle Cullen

Random Headcanons 🌶️💖 (not reader pov)

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Gallery (art I've commissioned from artists to accompany my fics/just for fun)

Art by the amazing ejpuki on Instagram based on Part 1 of my Miguel series DD in which he meets you as your Uber Driver after a drunken night out, and your relationship grows based on the og Miguel O'Hara comic with a twist. Please check out ejpuki on insta and support 🖤

Art by the amazing ejpuki on Instagram based on Part 3 of my Miguel series DD in which he meets you as your Uber Driver after a drunken night out, and your relationship grows based on the og Miguel O'Hara comic with a twist. Please check out ejpuki on insta and support 🖤

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[twilightarc-gm]

hello :D can you tell me why you like chengxian?

A Non-Comprehensive Guide to Twi's Love of ChengXian

Yes I spent time making this edit. I love them and I'm not an artist so sue me.

Short Answer: I love these two self-sacrificing assholes and their aesthetics and I think they should kiss and get a happy ending for once. If MXTX doesn't want to do it, I'll write it instead! 😤

Long Answer: Click the Read More

"As long as we both live in this world, we'll meet sooner or later." -- Vol1 Chap6

👏 MDZS literally doesn't happen without Yunmeng Shuangjie, it doesn't happen without the huge sense of debt and love and envy and pride and duty that comprises everything about the relationship between Wei Wuxian and Jiang Cheng. They must meet because their stories are so wrapped up in each other that where one ends and the other begins is a blurred line at best.

MXTX put in so much work to separate these two for the happily ever after she wanted and if you think about it too much you start to wonder if the Wei Wuxian we grew to love with this story, that says this kind of line, is ever going to be really happy without Jiang Cheng in his life.

💗It's not incest, but the boys wish it was. I am half-joking about this, but also absolutely serious. The vague labels on their relationship is a very big part of the point!

They are very much the Shixiong/shidi(mei) xianxia/wuxia romance trope. The talented and wonderful shixiong. The shidi(mei) that adores their shixiong but can't be honest about it. Childhood friends to sweethearts. MXTX uses this trope and subverts it by not making it endgame or letting the story just end with the tragedy of the First Siege.

She uses the power of this trope to feed into everything in and around the secret of the Golden Core Transfer. It ends up affecting the entire cultivation world as the greatest token of love, of devotion, of sacrifice, of consequence, of dubious consent, of the crux of the very story itself... which is just incredibly powerful.

And the rest of MDZS flows from that.

He had always thought Jiang Cheng would be the one standing with him, and Lan Wangji against him. He'd never imagined that reality would be the complete opposite.

This is literally errata from vol1 official pg 262 and I swear it wasn't put in the first time because it feeds ChengXian too much. You say that Wei Wuxian thought Jiang Cheng would always be by his side? He couldn't imagine a world where that wasn't true?? That now he's in a reality where it's the opposite??? Omg???? Like this is the sum of the ChengXian tragedy right here because MXTX made a reality where they couldn't be together! 💔😭

Like LOOK!

“When you become the family head, I’ll be your subordinate. We’ll be just like our fathers. Who cares about the Twin Jades of Lan? Our Yunmeng has Twin Heroes! So—just shut up. Who said you’re not worthy of being family head? No one’s allowed to say that, not even you. Say it and you’re asking to get beat.” --Vol3 Chap12

You see for me it's about the strain between love and duty and all the points where those two cross.

My actual favorite romance trope is king/lionheart - lord/devoted - leader/subordinate - patron/agent - master/servant - 知己 (zhiji)

this relationship of knowing is one that is worth dying for

“So when Wei-gongzi returned to seek us out, my jiejie was reluctant to even attempt the procedure, at first. She warned him that writing an essay was one thing, but actually doing it was quite another. She wasn’t even confident she’d have a fifty percent chance of success.

“But Wei-gongzi kept pestering her. He said fifty percent was fine; the chances of success and failure were equal. Even if it didn’t work out and his core was wasted, he wasn’t worried about his future—but that wasn’t the case for Sect Leader Jiang. He was too competitive, too focused on what he stood to gain and lose in this aspect, since cultivation was his life. And if Sect Leader Jiang could only ever be an ordinary, mediocre person, his life would be over.” --Vol4 Chap19

Wei Wuxian was willing to risk his life on a 50% chance if it meant Jiang Cheng would Live. Yes yes Wei Wuxian's patent assholery here about how Jiang Cheng is so competitive etc, classic fooling himself. The point is that Jiang Cheng wouldn't be Jiang Cheng anymore and Wei Wuxian would rather die than experience that. Would rather cut himself apart than fail to protect his shidi.

Speaking of failures...

Perhaps there was this:

“I didn’t get caught by the Wen Clan because I insisted on returning to Lotus Pier to retrieve my parents’ bodies.

“When you went to buy rations in that small town during our escape, a group of Wen cultivators caught up to us.

“I noticed them early and left the spot where I’d been sitting to hide in a corner of the street. I didn’t get caught, but they were patrolling, and they would have surely bumped into you while you were getting us food.

“So I ran out and lured them away.” --Vol5 Chap22

Jiang Cheng never wanted Wei Wuxian to die, let alone die for him. He breaks down at the shrine coming to terms with what he will ultimately think of as his fault. We know this because when he feels at fault he doesn't speak of his good intentions. So, he distracts the Wen-dogs from Wei Wuxian > Gets caught and survives, broken > as far as he knows he's miraculously healed > only to find out that Wei Wuxian was taken by the Wen-dogs anyway 3 months later > Jiang Cheng never speaks of his failures, so will never say how lost his core in the first place > a war and 13 years later he finds out that not only did he fail to protect Wei Wuxian from Wen-dogs, but now also knows unequivocally that Wei Wuxian's descent into heretic cultivation was his fault... again.

As tears streamed down his face, he hissed through gritted teeth, “…Why…why didn’t you tell me?!”

And he begs to know why Wei Wuxian would do this!

“Consider it a repayment of my debt to the Jiangs,” Wei Wuxian added.

Jiang Cheng raised his head and looked at him with bloodshot eyes. “…To my father, my mother, my sister?” he asked in a hoarse voice.

Not him. Wei Wuxian won't admit it's for Jiang Cheng--the shidi he meant to protect as a good shixiong, the master he was meant to support, the heir and symbol of the clan and sect he loved so much he would readily lose a hand to protect.

The way Wei Wuxian tortures Wen Zhuliu by leaving him whole and standing while his charge Wen Chao is torn up bit by bit... The delicious parallels of -- you made me a failure, now see how you like it, watch the one you are meant to protect be torn asunder.

...

Hold on I need a moment...

...

How about some cute stuff?

Wei Wuxian waved him off and then hooked his arm around Jiang Cheng’s shoulders. -- Vol1 Chap4

He put his arm around Jiang Cheng’s shoulders and dragged him over to the veranda railings to sit down.

[...]

Jiang Cheng was quiet, but he seemed to have calmed down a little. Wei Wuxian put an arm around his shoulders again. --Vol3 Chap12

💗Wei Wuxian is always all over the person/s he likes and loves. Jiang Yanli might have been the first to carry Wei Wuxian but Jiang Cheng's were the first shoulders he chose to hang off of. Jiang Cheng stands so straight because he is used to bearing Wei Wuxian's weight! (Also he's of the gentry, and you can make arguments about a rod in places where the sun doesn't shine, but Wei Wuxian benefits regardless!)

Among all the kicks and shoves and rough housing and sparring, they are just so tactile.

Gif from this post.

… Jiang Cheng, walk slower, you’re gonna throw me off.”

Not only did Jiang Cheng want to throw Wei Wuxian off, but he practically wanted to bash his head into the ground to create a human crater. “So fussy even though I’m carrying you!”

“I didn’t tell you to carry me,” Wei Wuxian reasoned.

Jiang Cheng flew into a rage. “If I didn’t carry you, I think you’d hang out at their ancestral hall all day, rolling around on the floor. I can’t afford this embarrassment! Lan Wangji took fifty more strikes than you, but he walked away on his own, and you’re not embarrassed, pretending to be an invalid? I don’t want to carry you anymore. Get the hell off!”

“No, I’m wounded,” Wei Wuxian said. --Vol1 Chap4

💜 Yes I am bringing back this quote from my Jiang Cheng appreciation post.

Hnng, I am trying to be more concise, but like one of the things I also enjoy in romance is how two imperfect people choose to be together and that choice that they make is the gold and solder that fits the pieces together into art. Sure MDZS didn't want to go there even though that's where it started, but to me it will only ever be the story of Jiang Cheng and Wei Wuxian.

Honestly even Yi City arc is YMSJ | CX to me.

Song Lan = Jiang Cheng

Xiao Xingchen = Wei Wuxian

Baoshan Sanren is involved

Eyes = Golden Core

Baixue Temple = Yunmeng Jiang

GUILT

RUNNING AWAY

Xue Yang = Yuan Qi (Resentment) Modao/Guidao

CORRUPTION

A-Qing = lwj being obsessed with WWX and fighting his use of guidao like a-Qing is distrustful of XY and XXC being friends with him.

XXC kills SL = WWX kills JC (figuratively, JYL's death destroyed the last of the JC from their childhood and all the trust he had in WWX (you cannot tell me that WWX doesn't feel like he caused JYL's death (he couldn't control the corpse that hurt her, he didn't sense the sword coming for him and she had to protect him)))

XXC's suicide and shattered soul is thus my grounds for headcanon to what actually happened to WWX at the First Siege, just sayin'

...

Anyway that's a bunch of canon stuff how about the realm of fanfiction/art?

Meme Format Reasons Twi is unwell about ChengXian:

From this post (yes that's my same edit)

Art Commissioned (So Far, more on the way and some I can't share yet) for ChengXian:

Happy ChengXian with Wei Wuxian in Purple by @robinade

Supportive ChengXian in pretty clothes! by Sugar_Shoal

Some more points for consideration:

💗 Point 1: They can't be normal about each other, due in large part by the people who raised them being unable to be normal about them either.

💗 Point 2: Their opposing ideologies, duties, and priorities make for the best drama, but in a better narrative, would balance each other.

💗 Point 3: Martial sibling romance ➡ tragedy! They fought together! Thought the future would be them together always! Then everything in the narrative tears it apart and all they're left with are the ashes of their choices and the lies that buried them.

💗 Point 4: Every AU where they end up happy instead!! 😭 I can't wait for @twinclownsoflotuspiers next CX Happy Ending event! Thankfully there is also @omiixcx coming up this APR 21st-27th! 👀 Yes that was a promo and prod.

💜 Point 5: ChengXian Pros = Zongzhu-shidi getting to love and protect his shixiong fully and truly without restraint.

🖤 Point 6: XianCheng Pros = Overprotective shixiong merciless in his affections for his Zongzhu-shidi.

💗 Point 7: Ship them for tropes based on miscommunication, acts of service, there was only one bed, boundary issues, genderfuckery, soul bound by choice, bickering, bantering, finishing each other's sentences, married-divorced-never-were, childhood shenanigans, cutting oneself on the other and denying the blood ever was...

...

I am not even getting into the monster/monster-maker aspect, am I? They are both at the same time!

JC makes WWX a monster by being the recipient of the golden core and believing WWX has control of guidao so encourages its use.

WWX makes JC a monster by lying to him until their relationship is broken irrevocably at the Bloodbath and years after JC is known for hunting demonic cultivators.

If you want to get really dark with it, there's also the cannibalistic aspect. WWX becomes a part of JC with the transfer. JC unwittingly consumes WWX and his fortune. The golden core is in the lower dantian, the belly, behind and below the navel. The symbology..! XianCheng is really good for the more gothic themes of the ship.

Let's be real, the vibes are straight up Wuthering Heights in multiple facets. MXTX recently admitted to that novel was one she read so insert conspiracy theory red string board meme here!

...

I spend a lot of time readdressing the themes introduced with the YMSJ dynamic and are exacerbated by the golden core transfer and the way Wei Wuxian handles and fails to handle that situation. I like how destructive they are about each other. There's a lot of potential there to create something together as well, but they were never given the chance.

Ideally, after the Jiang parents were gone and not influencing them anymore, or if they aged up enough to just stand on their own—and Wei Wuxian has his cultivation intact... Well in that scenario they could have easily stayed the Twin Prides/Heroes of Yunmeng and they would have been so happy being in the home they both loved and making the most of their lives one step at a time and arguing the whole way.

...

That's what fanfiction is for! 💜💗🖤

Hey, you made it to the end! I hope that was entertaining at least there is so much going on with this ship sometimes my brain just goes brrrr about it, y'know? Take care! Happy CX thoughts to you!

[granolawriting]

"Do you have a boyfriend?" •°. *࿐

pairing: no breakout! Cowboy costume!Joel x fem reader

Summary: Your best friend holds a halloween party at her house, where the often brooding Joel you often disregard adorns a new attire that sparks something in you. And he makes it clear he feels the same.

Content warning: 18+ NSFW, age gap (college senior and 50 year old), grey hairs so hes about that old, picture part 2 joel cause he’s the sexiest, porn with lots of plot, p in v, creampie, HEAVY praise, you guys are wearing matching costumes on accident, he fucks you IN costume if you're wondering, nice aftercare, pet names (darling, sweetheart, doll), southern hospitality misconstrued for shyness, sarah is your best friend

word count: 7.4k (holy shit)

masterlist

A/N: christ almighty. This took me all day. it has clouded my mind, overtaken my senses. finishing the final lines of this fic made me feel raw, completly finished. I have never written a fic this long in my entire life I'll be so honest. Anyways, I've been delving so deep into pedro stuff recently that reignighting the Joel adgenda made me quiver at night thinking about it. ANYWAYS. THANK YOU FOR 200 FOLLOWERS!!!! confetti thrown everywehere.

and in other news, I hope u enjoy the 4th installment of my kinktober list, I'll see you all again on the 20th with some bondage!Joel.... Make sure if you like my work to check out my requests/comissions or my ko-fi!!!

P.S. The title was made with scream in mind but since I changed up him from wearing a mask to a cowboy because christ how could I not I decided to just keep it as is.

Monotonous noise of worn out wheels against tired linoleum floors squeak softly at the turns of your cart against the rows of aisles that comprised the small store. Dimly lit bulbs illuminated the rows of supplies— plates upon masks upon streamers of different colors and themes overtake your senses as the whole display seems ostentatious and unflattering to you. 

“How's this for a Halloween costume?” 

A wolf mask hides the face of an otherwise non-furry Sarah Miller. Who seemed to not share the same sentiment as you regarding distaste for the design. 

“I don't know, how are you going to drink if you have a mask on your face?” 

“Straws exist.” 

“I'm not convinced” 

She takes it off with melodrama, sullen disdain for your lack of halloween spirit as you push the cart further down the aisle. 

A soft squeak of tires indicates a stop in your steps as you stand before a wall of costumes— what you needed more than anything to hold an answer for you. 

Eyes tracing up and down the rows floor to ceiling coated with cheaply made, scantily clad costumes makes your vision blur. Until it lands on a single item; one that stood out to you above all else. 

“A cowgirl?” 

Sarah sounds unimpressed. Eyeing the plastic wrapped costume labeled “ride my rodeo” with a model on the front wearing small red and white plaid tied to her front, small jean shorts cut at most with an inch’s inseam, and a cowboy hat— sold separately. 

“It's the best I've got. It's either this, or I repeat last year’s costume.” 

“You are not dressing up as Adam Sandler to my party.” 

You put the bag in the cart. 

Ever since moving to college, your career as a party-goer has been less than prolific, as a freshman assuming that time away from home was means to let yourself go, slowly turned into a reluctant senior year where parties were oftentimes the last thing you wanted to do on a given day. However, as Sarah lived in the area, she at the very least dragged you to her neighborhood functions. Which, was marginally better than what any Greek life could pull together. And as your car pulls into the empty spot within the miller’s lot, you become privy as to why; because you always had to help put it together. 

As smooth concrete lays beneath your car while you park, the truck parked beside you was none other than Joel Millers— Sarah's bachelor dad. 

Bachelor was an overstatement, a compliment that wasn't quite applicable to him. He wasn't looking for love, a bachelor without a cause, he was purposefully distant. A brood coated his face from eyes to lips that only ever contorted to something positive in the sight of his daughter. A contractor seemingly married to his work he had no means to find love. A part of you wonders when the last time he even had anyone was, romantically or sexually. Or even how he got ahold of one to make Sarah happen in the first place. You could never picture Joel as someone sexually active, if Sarah told you she was immaculately conceived you would have believed her. 

The click of boots against concrete greets the Millers doorstep as your cowgirl boots are adorned, the rest of your uncomfortable costume shoved in a bag across your shoulder as means to at least dress the house in comfort before having to walk around in costume for hours on end. 

Walking directly in you’re faced with a Mr. Miller, with a similar idea. He wore nothing at all, costume-wise. Something that you wish you could have done, as every year he seems to escape the wrath of Sarah’s demands regarding spirit, to be met with the regular weathered jeans and loose long sleeves. Standing tall upon a stepladder was he already being put to work however, thick fingers pushing small thumbtacks into the open space of his home, orange and black streamers littering the front room as he works. 

His head turns to you at the sound of his door being opened and shut, 

“Well, what’re you supposed ta’ be?” 

His eyes size you up and down, southern drawl brings sound to the quiet of the room, only otherwise broken by soft halloween music traveling its way downstairs from Sarah’s bedroom. If there was one attractive thing about him, it was his accent. The way he would slur his words together, the charming yet teasing air to everything he says. Having moved to Austin 4 years ago you would’ve thought you’d have grown used to it by now, and you have, besides Joel. The age that honeyed his voice like old whisky was unprecedented, and never paralleled by any other man you’d yet to mean in your time there. 

“Haven’t put it on yet Mr. Miller. But I can see that your costume is quite the classic.” 

“Oh quit it. Now, Sarah asks that you go upstairs when ya’ came in. Bosses orders.” 

You give a stern look to him and nod as though you were to be sent on the front lines, and he only gives a small chuckle before returning to his work. 

“Oh my god you’re finally here. Look—” 

She opens the door in hurried fashion, and quickly centers herself in the middle of the room to do a spin for you. A small gust of wind as she twirled letting her skirt float as she moved to reveal her outfit. Bells and jingles fill the room at the movement of her body. 

“Does it look too corny? Can you tell who I am?” 

Looking her up and down, large bundles of curly hair hiding a stuffed serpent around her neck as a green top wraps around the back of it, paired with loose bells and metal pieces adorning a small blue skirt with layers of tulle, it was quite obvious who she was meant to be if you were born prior to 2006. 

“Britney spears. And you look perfect, but don't you think it’s a little early to try on your costume?” 

Her eyes pierce you with only the gaze of a woman who thought you clearly misunderstood what was going on. 

“The party is in 2 hours. I've yet to even do my makeup, or take photos before I get wasted. Time is of the essence. Here, put your costume on and help get ready with me.” 

Sarah, despite being in the same grade as you, was marginally less mature. Mostly driven by her intelligence boosting her into higher grades when she was younger, she was around 2 years younger than you despite graduating the same year as you. And despite her efforts sometimes her stress levels were purely driven by the fact she was barely 21. Still obsessed and enamored with arguably, menial things. Though through her age, you always attempted to discern her fathers. With grey growing into the roots of his head, speckling his beard as it traced the lines of his jaw, you had ventured to guess he was around 50. 

…

Ding Dong 

“Oh fuck oh fuck oh—” 

“It's okay Sarah, I'll get it.”

Feet scrambling up and out of her bedroom, you quickly find your way to the front door as the clock shone at 7:30, cursing the people who find joy in showing up so early to what is not a dinner party. Dressed in your cowgirl costume do you answer the door, expecting either trick or treaters or an older neighbor, does someone entirely different greet you as it opens. 

Joel towers before you within the doorway. He no longer wore the loose fitting shirts and jeans omnipresent on his person, moreover it was swapped for a much more form fitting attire. A cowboy hat for starters, sat upon his head of hair, usually messy and combed back did it now fall in front of his face, sculpting his jaw as it fell to the sides of chocolate eyes. Strands peppered his face as you took him in, a worn cowboy hat that complimented the tan of his skin, equally as sun bleached did it seem almost natural for him to adorn it. Followed by a small toothpick sticking from his lips, did it draw focus to the pink of them, shaped and contrasted by the peppered beard freshly trimmed, longer pieces of hair falling over his top lip to establish a thicker mustache that became the centerpiece of his look. As your eyes trailed down the rest of his body, you’re met with a form fitting tan tuscan button up as his underlayer, slightly unbuttoned at the top to reveal his chest lines do you notice fabric rolled to his elbows to reveal thick hairy forearms that held muscle visible unflexed. Trailing up to see the definition of bicep within the confines of cotton fabric almost bursting at the muscle he carried, only to be met with an overlayer of a dark brown vest seemingly made of corduroy or something similar, tightly buttoned around his waist to accentuate it's contrast to the broadness of his shoulders. The pants worn in tandem with the outfit were a chocolate brown, thick leather-like material clung to his quads as they tapered at the ends of his calves, square toed cowboy boots finding home beneath the heavy fabric of his pants. Around his waist was there a detailed belt, a worn leather belt held up the tie of his pants, and to his hip was a holster, housing a small toy gun that fell to his side as his hip stayed slightly cocked at the entrance. His thumb looped in the side of his pocket as he stood waiting at the front door. The scent of cologne fills your senses as it breeds with his natural scent to produce what was to you somewhat of an aphrodisiac. This was no longer the grumpy old man that wore clothes a size too large because he was too lazy to check the charts, no longer the father of your best friend— in this moment he was nothing but insatiably attractive. 

“Oh, Mr. Miller I— don't you have a key?” 

Only now do you notice the look he gave you. The equal look of awe as his eyes unabashedly trailed your body and it's curved. Much more revealing than him though equally as hidden from what he wanted. You watched as lips became slightly pursed, taking in the fit of your jeans and the curve of your hips, eyes falling for far too long upon your top and how it complimented you. 

He skips a beat. 

“Oh— uh, sorry kid. Though Sarah’d be comin’ down. Wanted to show her my outfit. S’ the last halloween we’re gonna have fer a while.” 

You feel yourself heat up, his eyes connecting with yours have a whole new meaning to it now. He seemed embarrassed, even, as his eyes darted from side to side, unable to connect with yours for more than a few seconds as he asked for his daughter. 

“She's still upstairs getting ready. Do you, do you want me to call her down?” 

“No, no that won’t be necessary. ‘Supose I’ll wait fer her inside.” 

It takes you a moment to register that as means for entry into his own house as you stood there agape in the center of the doorframe. Though quickly do you move your body to make room for him, as he dips his head to you in thanks before heavy boots hit the wooden floors of the downstairs in his entry. 

The tension that builds within the room is deafening as you both stand there in silence. Unable to remove yourself from his proximity does the air fill with feelings foreign and impure. 

“That’s a um, nice costume ya’ got there.” 

Joel breaks the silence with soft spoken words as he begins to pour a drink in the kitchen. Though not looking at you, the image of you within his mind pierced the darkest parts of his consciousness with glaring extremity as he felt himself grow hot in so many layers. 

“This? Oh, Sarah, she made me do it. But uh, I really like yours as well. It, it suits you well. And we’re matching, that's funny.” 

This was your poor attempt at flirting with a mind so foggy with memories completely turned on their head as your perception of Joel did that same. 

“WHO IS ITTTT!!!!!!!!!”

Sarah screams from the closed door of her upstairs bedroom. Clearly your time downstairs was limited before she began even more antics from the confines of her unkempt bedroom. 

He hands you a glass, amber liquid sloshes upon crackling ice fills up a quarter of the cylindrical glass. 

“Hope ya’ have fun t’night sweetheart. Make sure Sarah’s doin’ alright.” 

You flash him a shy smile as you take your drink to go, climbing the hardwood stairs leading to her bedroom as quickly as you can without spilling it. 

“Who was it? What took you so long! Is that whisky?” 

“Can you ask one question at a time?” 

“Well I already asked all of em so what's the point?”

“Just for future reference.” 

“Maybe. Well?” 

“your dad forgot his key, I helped him inside, he gave me a drink. Tis the story.” 

She looks you up and down as the recollection of her father instills newfound meekness at the mention of him. 

“Ok weirdo. Here, take candids.” 

…

Halloween music blares from speakers as the party comes to a head, the myriad of costumes all still holding creases from the cheap packaging they were purchased in become clustered together as the drinks you have begin to get to you. The smell of alcohol and pumpkin fill the room as a cacophony of laughter takes you out of a spell of staring thankfully focused on the floor and not upon unsuspecting persons. 

The only person who seemed to stand out amongst the crowds of duplicate costume and cheesy innuendos was a certain Mr. Miller— a prolific wallflower that only hosted these things as a means to keep Sarah close in situations like this. For if not here, she’d be somewhere else doing the same thing. 

Eyes scoured the home every few minutes, looking to catch a glimpse of Joel within his costume, politely smiling at guests through small talk or taking slow drinks of his flask. 

“Hey you!!!” 

You’re startled by the sound of Sarah's boom from across the room as she calls for you, a caramel hand stuck high in the air to signal you to her, drawing you out of the trance of Joel’s small movements. 

You walk to her with careful steps, trying not to step on capes or trailing costumes in the process. 

“What’s up with you! I’ve barely seen you at all tonight! I know you’re not a party girl anymore but please, try and live it up for me!” 

Something catches her eye as she speaks to you, her smiling face turning into an O with excitement; 

“And—” 

She points behind you. 

“I think that guy over there is checking you out. Go have fun! Let me hear all about it later!” 

Later. You forgot you’d promised to sleep over at her place too, rehashing the night's events as soon as they came to a close as you always did over the years. Though the first thing that comes to your mind is not the man behind you eyeing you, tacky tie-dye making up for a lackluster hippie costume, but Joel. the man who in fact owned the home you would be sleeping in, the man who kept eyeing you from the side of the room with a gaze you accepted much greater than the mans behind you, and above all, the man that had caught your heart in a way that led to it's seeping out between your thighs. 

God, what the fuck is wrong with me? This isn't right it's, it’s Sarah's dad. She’d be heartbroken to even know I think like this. 

You decide to throw away all the Clint Eastwood movies you stole from your dad and uninstall red dead redemption 2 when you got home, and blame your attraction solely on your overconsumption of cowboy media. You need a breather. 

There's a balcony, facing the back of the property that was off limits to the party guests. Entered only through Joel’s bedroom, anyone would be stupid to test their luck if getting caught within his personal dwellings. However, you were Sarah’s best friend. And was even shown this entryway by Sarah herself— of course when her father was not home. And so you decide with cautious steps to ascend the stairs of his home, the liquor giving way to uncertainty in every step as your eyes are glued to the placement of each foot upon the step one by one. Though as you reach the top with great pride, you venture into Joel’s room, to the left of the stairs as Sarah’s is farther to the right. 

You had never been in his room by yourself before, only for a brief moment with Sarah as she showed you one of her favorite spots in the house. It was secluded, of course looking over the backyard she lamented years past as a girl playing within the pool below. She was at the age where she wanted to be independent, but in no way could be yet; and for her that was about 10. And as means to give her her freedom but keep her close, he would watch from the confines of a balcony she paid no note to as the splashing of waves kept her occupied. And he doted on her from a distance. 

As you walk through his bedroom, walls covered in guitars and desk littered with wooden sculptures while a record shows to be finished upon his player. Sheets properly made upon his bed, and a sense of intimacy looking around at the things littered upon his shelves and tables. The framed photo of him and his daughter, his old watch he took off specifically for the occasion of dress. The distinct smell of him that enveloped your senses. 

Opening the door to the balcony does the feeling of cool air hitting a flustered face sober you everso slightly. Bracing yourself on the edges of the platform, you drift into a calm. The first time you’d felt that since the moment you opened the door for a cowboy Mr. Miller—  as you force yourself to call him in your mind. 

“Now what do you suppose yer doin’ in my room?” 

Your heart sinks. You knew you’d be fine, if caught, but the thing that sinks your heart is the uptick of your heartbeat and the twist in your stomach at the sight of familiar drawl sounding behind you. 

You hear heavy boots break the threshold of the doorway into where you stood as the sound of wood upon his feet changed to a scratch of concrete. 

He stands next to you, forearms pressed against the railing as his back curves along casual footing aside of you. The moonlight illuminates his face, the curve of his nose complimenting the side profile that gifted you sight at the tufts of hair poking out from the ends of his hat, and the proximity to him gave you the insight to the smell of whisky on his breath as he spoke.  

“Needed ta’ take a breather' myself. ‘Spose we had the same idea.” 

“Yeah, I guess so.” 

“Ya’ having a good time t’night kid?” 

“Oh yeah, I haven't seen all that much of Sarah though did you—” 

You stop as he shifts his body to turn to you. 

“Now, can I be honest with ya’?” 

As you turn to look at him, mirroring his stance he dwarfs you in the process, standing at around 6ft the broad of his shoulders shadowing your whole figure. 

You nod your head meekly. 

“I just— now, I don't know how ta’ say all this quite right. But, don't get me wrong darlin’, I’ve seen the way you’ve been lookin’ fer me all night. I don't know if ya’ think i'm blind or somethin, but i’ve seen ya’ all night, watchin me.” 

He pauses for a moment and within that silence does your heart shatter. The whole time you thought that he was eyeing you, looking you up and down, it was just a one sided coincidence that led you to this awkward conversation with a man twice your age. You start; 

“Oh listen I'm, I'm so sorry Mr. Miller I must have given the wrong impression or something I don't know i'm just so—” 

“Please, call me Joel. And don't hafta’ be so sorry sweetheart. Just callin’ it how I see it.” 

He pauses once more as he considers what he’s going to say next, a tinge of uncertainty covering his face as he decides how to follow up. 

“And I don't quite mind it, if that's what you’re worried ‘bout.” 

The tense of your muscles releases as he continues. 

“Just, wanted ta’ tell you you looked quite well yourself that’s all.” 

He’s holding back, you can tell by the sway of his legs as he goes on and the grip of his fingers upon the pocket of his pants. The way his gaze averted yours and his glancing upon the floor; for any look at you from your eyes to your body seemed to be hard for him to swallow with proper manners.

Your eyes lock in silence, the pale moonlight illuminating you two as the distance from Joel grows unconsciously closer as you take in his face, his body looming over yours and the prospect of their being more within his mind that he’s willing to give you. The southern hospitality still overshadows his true means. 

Rough fingers graze your face, tucking hair behind your ear as it falls in front of your face. And as he leans forward to do so, you lean in as well. Blinded by desire and complicated by liquor and closing the gap between the two of you. Tasting his lips reminiscent of whisky and the frosting of halloween cupcakes you feel him kiss you back for only a moment before shooting himself backwards. 

He almost trips over his own feet in adverse reaction, stumbling to the other side of the balcony as you watch him. 

“I'm—” 

“No darlin’ ya’ don't have to say anything. But I've probably got to get back down to company. Feel free to stay up here ‘s long as you want.” 

You watch as he rushes out of the room and the urge to chase after him grows weak as the taste lingers on your lips. The sense of defeat wells in your chest but not entirely, because for a moment he kissed back. A moment you felt him push forward on your lips and savor the flavor of them as you did for him. 

Later.

Now, a sleepover with Sarah is what you needed most. A sleepover with her, is a sleepover with Joel right across the way. And the mere feeling of that made your knees weaken with rushing dreams of him. 

The party seemed to drag on after that, only satiated by more drinks were you able to bear a night where you could feel him from across the room, sense his body and the heat that came with it. You felt naked for him, utterly exposed at the sight of his eyes trailing you— ones you could only hope followed you the way yours did for him whenever you noticed him with back turned. Drinking in every part of his body as he was none the wiser, finding joy and security within the turn from you as means to make him in for as long as you pleased. 

…

“Alright ma’am, seems ya’ need to be goin’ home, me ‘n Sarah got a lot of cleanin to do in the morning.” 

An outstretched arm grabs the bicep of a polite Joel, ushering out the final guest that had an affinity for his touch so it seemed. 

“Ohhh but darlin when will I see you in such a getup again? Oh i'd never want to leave.” 

“‘S a shame I’m about to take it off though ma’am. Now go walk home alright?” 

Her eyes hooded everstill she demands even more of him;

“Oh but will you take me? Don't think I trust myself in these conditions.” 

He closes his eyes and a heavy sigh leaves his nose. 

“‘Spose so ma’am— Sarah, I’ll be right back.” 

Her arm loops around his bicep as he leads her out of the house, jealousy overtaking you purely at the close proximity she had to him, for much longer than he ever had with you. 

Sarah turns to look at you as you stand a few feet back from the scene, a bemused look painted on your face unconsciously demanding explanation. 

“Oh- that was miss carey she uh, she’s had a thing for my dad for years now. It’s kind of funny if I'm being honest, given I didn't see her drink all night.” 

You let out a halfhearted laugh for a response, trying to deny the yearning within your stomach to feel Joel’s arm as she did, to touch him, fall over him. Just be close enough to smell him again, feel his warmth. It had felt like decades since the last feeling of him close to you. your body remembering calloused fingers grazing your heated cheek; contrasting with the cold tips that crept upon his hands as the air finally showed hints of the coming winter season. 

“Sorry to be a bother, but doya think you could start cleaning up? I’ve gotta get this costume off and shower before I vomit. Thanks!” 

As Sarah zips up the stairs all that’s left is you alone, standing within the living room of Joel Miller’s home. One where he could return any second. 

You decide to busy yourself with chores, cleaning up stray glasses and bottles littered across the house, fallen decorations and dessert trays now only holding wrappers and trash. It’s a hefty job, one that helps for a short while as the weight of hours prior looms over you with darring intent to seep deep within your mind, allowing visions of the taste of his tongue, the feel of his body pressed against you to consume you. What you would give to feel his nose clash against yours through sloppy kisses, lips puffy with desire as small nips and clashing of teeth is all that can fester in your mind as candy wrappers stuck to the floor fail to give enough distraction anymore to keep Joel off your mind. 

“Fuckin’ christ man I— oh.” 

You didn't even hear the door open, or the creak of boots as they settled into their first steps within the home. Only the sound of his voice did you perk up with your mind unable to shake your thoughts as you stand before him. Feet away with a small trash bag in your hand.

He continues. 

“Didn't know you’d still be here, my apologies.” 

“Oh yeah uh, Sarah didn't tell you I was spending the night?” 

“Spendin’ the night?” 

He repeats you, barely able to hide his shock. Clearly, she hadn't. And as you stand there, beginning to hear the water running for a shower she’s yet to even get into, the tension of the two of you grows immanent as he realizes just how alone he currently is with you. 

He didn't know what to do, feeling palms grow sweaty as his desire clashed with his sense of respect and responsibility as a father and his yearning grew too prominent to hide behind the unforgiving stretch of tightly fitted pants he busied himself once more. 

“Oh, right then. Well I ‘spose i’ll be in the kitchen if ya’ need me.” 

Walking past you with a heavy stride does the scent of him once more draw you to him— something primal, wanton is elicited from him when in close proximity. One that with a room now void of people to maneuver through, you refused to ignore any longer. You followed his quick steps into the kitchen, separating yourself even further from Sarah as the stairs fell into your purview as you ventured deeper into the home. 

You greet Joel at the counter of the kitchen where he stood, pouring another drink for himself does the hand gripping his drink suspend mid air at the sight of your trail behind him. 

“Ya’ need somethin’?” 

You don't know if it’s the liquor talking, or the suspense and tease of a night full of dreaming for a moment like this to arise but you don't allow yourself to beat around the bush anymore. If this old man failed to make a move, you would. 

“I do Joel, really— I think we both do.” 

He sets the glass down on the counter with a light chink filling the air. His demeanor changes; you watch as both hands lean forward on the counter to inch closer to you, arms outstretched flex his forearms to reveal muscles only garnered by heavy and hard working. His hip cocked to his left as he made unwavering eye contact with you, a smile forming slightly upon his face. 

“And what would that be darlin’?” 

He made you nervous. This was a first. The mild mannered gentleman that often stood before you, speaking only when necessary and smiling only when compelled to. You always shook him off, an old man not worth anything but a gracious thank you as he catered to you and his daughter when times came. But as you looked upon that man now, face shadowed by a cowboy hat perfectly curved at its edges lining his head, hairs falling in just the right places over the sides of his face, and the hooded eyes coated with lust you found yourself hard to speak. Hard to even think. 

“Well? Cmon’ now I ain't got all day.” 

He's taunting you. Watching you grow nervous under his gaze as you become the one that can't hold it anymore. 

“You, and me I mean. The way you look at me— I want you Joel. And so do you, right?” 

Without skipping a beat, Joel retorts

“So come closer then sweetheart. Can't do anything with ya’ so far away.” 

your heartbeat picks up again. Shaking steps inch around the bend of the countertop, until you’re no more than an inch away from him. Watching, as he looks down upon you. 

“Good girl— now, what’s this about wanting me hm?” 

“What?” 

“Oh don't play coy darlin’, I love hearin’ you tell me all about how much you need me. The look in those pretty little eyes.” 

A coarse finger falls upon your cheek once more, this time lingering there before toying with stray hairs. His fingers trail to your chin and jaw, gripping onto your face to lift it higher to lock dark eyes with his.

“Such a doll. I wanna hear ya’ beg for it.” 

You feel a pool of slick well between your thighs, heating and dampening already ruined underwear at the sight of him as the night went on. Though as you listened to the sink in his voice, demanding you to beg for him. You don't even know what you were so needy for, his kiss? That was too little. You wanted all of him, and as knees felt weak at the thought of it— him, and you completely at his disposal. He dwarfed you from this closeness, you realized this as you approached him. He overpowered you in every way, and that made it even harder to say what you wanted. Every semblance of confidence leaves your body as all you want to do now is whatever he demands, whatever he says. 

“Please Joel I— I need you. Every part of you. I can't take my eyes off of you. Every part of you looks so perfect no matter the angle or the lighting. Id, i’d never noticed it before but now I…” 

The gust of articulation you had quickly dwindled as his face lit up from such compliment, such desperation. You were desperate, needy for him. That much was true. And he knew that. 

“Mmm that's all ya’ had to say sweetheart.” 

Now he is the one that closes the gap between you, the yearning for his taste finally satiated as your lips collided once more, the fantasies of clashing of teeth against one another with impassioned touch as his hand falls from your face to trail bare stomach. Feeling the large of his hands take in every inch of you with precision, like he had memorized exactly where he wished to be. Feeling as his hands trace down to your hips, and slowly maneuvering up to the wire of your bra. 

“Take it off. Please.” 

You beg through breathy moans as you stay inside his mouth, taking into him as you refuse to open any gap of distance between the two of you. 

“Since ya’ asked so nicely.” 

His fingers trace the center of your chest where a simple tie kept together thin fabric that complimented your chest. Unraveling it's knot does he guide it off your arms and onto the floor, a free hand snaking to your back to unhook your bra, leaving you with nothing but the shorts you wore and the hat upon your head to constitute a costume. 

His mouth lets up from you to look down on your chest, his palms engulfing them as he kneeds them within his hands, letting the weight of them move with his fingers as he massages them. Fingers slowly trailed down to the mountain of your nipple, toying with them with two fingers as his eye flitted back up to you to watch your reaction. Sighing in relief, your eyes fluttering at the feeling of his cool touch against a body so overwhelmed with heat for him. 

He leans in to you, his lips pressing softly against your ear his voice no matter a whisper is still laced with lust creating deep tones otherwise foreign to you to emit from him as he speaks to you;

“God you don't know what you do to me darlin’.”  

“Then show me.” 

His hands make quick way to the back of your thighs, lifting you up to his hips where you can feel his bulge pressing into you, the thin material of your shorts leaving little room for imagination. 

Walking to the dining room adjacent to the kitchen, he sets you on a table that meets him at about hip level, lowering your back onto the wooden finish that often held dinners with the three of you now making way for just the two of you as you watch the buckle of his pants become the main spot of his attention. 

“Bet ya’ could feel what you’re doin’ to me sweetheart, you like that hm? Feelin’ my cock against you even for a fuckin second?” 

He talks down to you as he undresses his lower half, relieving himself to only his boxers as he now knelt down to face your heat, legs dangling off the edge of the table to uses that as means to slide your shorts off with ease, revealing the soaked underwear that gave you constant reminder of the eyes you held the whole night. 

“All this for me hm? Ain’t I lucky.” 

He lifts a finger to massage the outside of your heat, slowly pressing on the wet spots as he toys with you, making your breath hitch at the feeling of his touch, the sensitivity only growing overtime as you were denied for so long. 

Slowly he peels off your underwear, allowing your slick to trail down the side of your thigh as it leaves a trace when it hits the floor. The cool air hitting your clit makes you jolt, but Joel wasting no time allows himself to dig straight into you. Feeling his tongue explore every crevice of you, every place where you have leaked for him he wants to take in every drop of it. Tasting you was like heaven to him. As his lips were pressed against your heat as his tongue began to make a repeated circular motion along your clit.

your fingers beg for his hair, grasping it in desperate fingers do you confine him within the bars of your thighs as they squeeze against his head. 

“Mmng— god Joel it feels so nice please I-” 

He waited for you to speak before sticking a finger inside of you. Thick callused fingers grabbed at your core and pushed its way into your center, hooking at sponge from inside you right at the spot that felt best. No longer could you ever think he didn't know what he was doing, it’s as if he knew your own body in and out, and with the whines you have to bite back out of fear of it drowning out the shower's thud of water upon a clueless Sarah. 

“You like that sweetheart?” 

Joel groans into your pussy, he’s enjoying this just as much as you are. Hearing your stifled yelps and desperate moans over his tongue, his finger inside of you. 

“Y..yes please Joel I need more.” 

He slides in with a second finger, though lets up from your clit. Slick drips to his chin as he rises to face you, leaning over you as fingers still pump inside of you. 

“Never fuckin’ satisfied, is that it? Whaddya need darlin’ hm? How about ya’ use those words for me.” 

He made it hard for you to speak or even think as the steady grind of his fingers inside of you overtook your senses. But you obliged, trying through breathed heaves to try and relay what you desperately needed from him. 

“Fuck me. Please fuckme Joel I cant— ngh I cant fucking take it anymore.” 

“Good girl. Guess you’re in luck ‘cause I aint ever wanted to fuck someone this bad in my entire life. And I’m not gonna be gentle on ya’ alright? I know you can take it.” 

Slowly removing his fingers from you, he lifts them up to his own mouth to let him taste you one last time, slowly licking clean what was just knuckle deep within you. You watch as he slithers his boxers off, revealing what seemed to be impossible to fit inside of you. His cock was pulsating, almost red as it yearned to be touched, it yearned to be inside of you. You watch as beads of precum already coat its tip, and veins throb against the slight curve of him that twitches at the feeling of release. 

Inching towards you you feel his tip graze your core before pushing into your folds, covering himself with your slick does he push himself flush against you as you see how far his cock rides up onto your body. You see him smile at the sight of it lying on your stomach, predicting how deep it’ll push inside of you before he centers it once more at your entrance, slowly spreading you open as you feel a fire burn within your stomach at the initial pain of it. It felt as though he was ripping you apart slowly, legs instinctively closing did his hand grab onto your thighs to push them open.

His body flushes against yours with a deep groan, letting your walls warm his cock for a moment as he looks down on you. 

“You’ve got a pretty fuckin’ body ya’ know that? All done up fer me, feel so lucky finally gettin’ to do this.” 

He begins inching in and out of you with slow pace, your body moving with every stroke of his cock around you as you fell hopelessly obsessed with the feeling of him inside of you. 

“Been wantin’ to do this all night— imagining what ya’ looked like under that pretty little costume of yours. Fuck, woulda fucked you right on that balcony if I could’ve. Nngh—” 

His thrusts in you grow faster as he speaks to you, talking you through the whole thing makes you only look at him with wide eyes, desperately needing his cock and drinking in the southern drawl that detailed how he felt the exact same. 

“Body’s fuckin’ perfect. Pretty little pussy all fer me, yaknow that? Right now you’re all fuckin’ mine hm? Ain't that right doll?” 

“Yes, yes Joel— all for you nngh. My body is all yours please, please don't stop.” 

His finger trails down from your thigh to your clit, throbbing with pain at the need to be touched does he satiate it with a thumb beginning to circle where his tongue did moments prior. 

“Fuckkk please oh my god” 

your breath grows irregular as the fire burning in your stomach grows white hot, unable to utter anything coherent as babbling of desperate please escape your mouth as your body becomes addicted to his every touch. The push of his cock directly against your cervix, the circle of his thumb perfectly against your heat, you felt it bubble inside you. Nearing on toppling over all you can think of, unconsciously chanting as he fucks into you Joel Joel Joel Joel 

“Ya’ gonna fuckin’ come for me? Cmon, I wanna feel it darlin’ I want it to swallow me I want you to cum on my fuckin’ cock hm? Can ya’ do that for me?” 

He groans over you, thrusts growing irregular at the desperation of his own climax reaching a head at the same time yours does. Only letting a few more thrusts greet you before you feel it toppling over, every inch of your body becoming utterly ruined below him. Feeling his cock inside of you pistoning into you through your orgasm, legs lock around his clothed waist as your hips buck up, shaking as your back arches against the table with legs raised, most of your body not even on the table anymore as he holds your legs stable to fuck through his own orgasm. 

“Fuck fuck darlin’ you’re so fuckin’ tight— shit you feel so good.” 

“Inside of me” 

You manage to breathe through a fogged mind and blurry vision as the sensitivity of your body makes his use of you mind numbing. 

“Please. Please Joel please cum inside of me please—” 

You feel heavy liquid fill you as he slows his pace, heavy groan being the only thing that fills the room now as he pumps in and out of you, softening inside of you as his seed leaks from you. He slowly removes himself from you, a collection of your own fluid and his trails down the side of your thigh as you both stay there breathless. Watching as he slowly shifts on his boxers, and loosely does pants that are soon to come off later. 

Before you’re able to right yourself or even get up, you watch as Joel slides your clothes back on you, latching your bra softly as he raises your back up to do so. Slipping your top on and tying a proper knot is the only thing missing from your wardrobe, the underwear he took off of you, that of which becomes missing as he slips your shorts onto you. 

“I think you forgot something.” 

“Think I deserve a little trophy don't you darlin’?” 

You flush at the implication, Joel keeping them as a sort of token of remembrance of you, of this night. 

Straightening yourself up as he finishes clothing you do you stand there, as you watch his back once more fill up glasses of water for you and him. Taking in all he is, form fitting cowboy attire still decorating his body, do you outstretched a hand to feel his bicep, a desire you’d had the moment that woman did. As he turns to face you, feeling your hand brush against his body once more he smiles slightly, teasing; 

“Ya’ like what ya see sweetheart?” 

“I just wanted to feel you.” 

“Already did a lotta that don't ya’ think? But be my guest.” 

He hands you a small glass of water as he drinks out of his own, and as silence engulfs the two of you you hear the dreaded creak of a shower turning off sound from the upstairs as reality sets in for the two of you once more.

“Think ya’ best go check on Sarah now.” 

“Yeah that’d be smart.” 

You avert his eyes as you’d done once prior, engulfed by embarrassment as you remember Sarah after the intimate moment you shared. 

“Well, I’ll be down here for a bit longer, then headed ta’ bed. You just uh, let me know if ya need anythin’ right? You know where my room is.” 

A small smile across his face implies a very different definition of ‘needing’ something, depending on how you view it. But as you ascend the stairs to help deal with Sarah once more, part of you knows that you’ll be asking him for some more help, cleaning, before night's end. 

[ode2rin]

slowly yours

pairing. chigiri hyoma x gn!reader

content. 1.2k wc | part 2 of this one (it's chigiri's pov yey!) | idiot bffs finally into lovers | this is me trying to comfort chigiri lovers ;)

at the reckless age of 16, chigiri hyoma had come to understand that invisible lines existed. 

lines that, once crossed, could change everything. 

he had seen the consequences play out in novels, the heartache and longing that followed ill-fated confessions, imprinting upon him a cautiousness that would shape his actions. 

and usually, he loves lines that draw the thrill of victory. he relished the sensation of crossing finish lines with his unparalleled speed.

not this one, however. this one held stakes that were too high.

it was the line that separated friendship from something more, the delicate boundary that stood between him and the unspoken emotions that pulsed between you. 

would it upset you if he told you he knew?

he knew about all the times you stayed behind him, felt the weight of your quiet affections hanging in the air whenever you were together. your subtle gestures, stolen glances, and tender moments whispered of a connection that ran deeper than what you claim you two are. 

he knew about it. 

and yet, he hesitated. because he also knew what it meant to be in love with someone you call your best friend.

but as days turned into months and months into years, the line between friendship and something more blurred. chigiri couldn't help but wonder if his hesitation was costing him something greater. he yearned to bridge the gap, to pause for a moment and truly see you, to cross that line and explore the profound depths that lay beyond.

he had come so close, so very close.

until time stood still for chigiri hyoma, and everything went downhill from there.

“hyoma, please slow down. you will hurt yourself. the doctors said –”

“leave me alone,” chigiri's voice cut through the air, his stubbornness unwavering.

with every stride, his pace quickened, leaving you struggling to keep up. the worry in your voice went unheard as he pushed himself further.

“alright, i won't stop you,” you said, your voice tinged with a mix of desperation, “but let me be by your side. please, i need you to wait for me.”

the words left your lips in a pained and choked voice, as if you were begging him not just to slow down physically. 

for a brief moment, chigiri almost stopped in his own tracks, as if compelled to hold you, to acknowledge the depth of your plea, to hold your heart that has been breaking for him.

but he didn’t, not when he was drowning in his own sorrow from his now broken dreams. 

he can’t afford to cross no damn line, at that time. it wasn’t just right to be with you when he’s becoming half a soul.

he knew you’d understand; you always did. but he just can’t find the right words to articulate how hellish it felt to run faster than everyone else only to meet an edge of the cliff. his pain was his alone, something he couldn't burden you with.

and so, he looked away, even when he wanted nothing more than to let his eyes wander in yours. letting go of your hand that wasn’t even his to hold, yet.

it had been years since that aching chase, the echoes of your pleading voice still resonating in his memories. the image of you, determined and breathless, calling out his name with a mix of determination and yearning, remained etched in his mind.

but he couldn't help but think of himself as pathetic — for hoping that even after all those years, it would still be you and him in the end.

as the memories of that fateful chase played in chigiri's mind, he found himself transported to a different scene— the bustling stadium filled with cheering spectators. the air was electric with excitement, and the sound of the crowd echoed in his ears.

was he being greedy for wishing you were here?

it didn't matter if your cheers were swallowed by the surrounding multitude, drowning in the sea of sounds. you didn't even have to scream his name for your cheers to reach his heart. as long as you were there, watching him, nothing else mattered.

the stadium was filled with a frenzy of cheers and anticipation as chigiri stepped onto the field. his focus was on the game ahead, the adrenaline coursing through his veins, oblivious to the presence of a familiar figure in the crowd.

but fate, as it would have it, intervened.

chigiri's gaze met yours, and for a fleeting second, time seemed to stand still. in that instant, you could see a hint of recognition in his eyes—a spark of connection that transcended the noise and commotion around you.

it was as if the world fell away, leaving only the two of you locked in a silent exchange. 

in that shared moment, words became unnecessary.

because to him, in that one single profound glance, he swears your eyes look like coming home. and it’s everything he needs to know. 

he was damn well going to cross that line.

minutes turned into hours, and as the final whistle blew, marking the end of the match, chigiri's gaze sought yours once more. amidst the sea of unfamiliar faces, your familiar eyes were all that he could see.

and there you were, just as you had always been.

“hey there, striker.” 

“you came,” he whispered, surprise coloring his voice.

a soft smile tugged at the corners of your lips as you stepped closer, the distance between you diminishing. “of course i did,” you replied, your voice filled with warmth and a hint of self-deprecation. “i’m a bit late, though. you know me, i'm always a bit slow.”

chigiri's lips formed a gentle smile, a silent acknowledgement of the parallels that danced between past and present. “i know,” he murmured, his gaze never leaving yours.

in the midst of victory and the deafening cheers, neither of you could bring yourselves to look away.

with a mixture of trepidation and determination, you asked, “is it okay?” if i was late? if i was slow? if it took me time? 

all of these questions hung on your lips, but there was no need to voice them. something in your eyes told him that you weren't just referring to your late arrival to his game.

your eyes have always been so damn expressive, it’s hard to not know what you were thinking. it was as if your eyes held a language of their own, one that he longed to learn.

“it never bothered me. i could wait, if it's you i’m waiting for.”

the years of pining and longing were encapsulated in those simple words, their double meanings understood by both of you. 

“we have a lot of lost time to make up for,” you said, searching for reluctance in his expression.

he didn’t respond right away, instead, he started making his way towards you. with each step, the invisible lines that had held him back faded into insignificance. 

and now, he’s standing in front of you. chigiri hyoma was finally in front of you, facing your heart laid before his eyes.

and in that single, profound moment where your eyes finally met, the weight of unspoken words melted away. the stadium faded into the background, and it was just the two of you, suspended in time.

“no need to rush. we have all the time…” he reassured, his voice steady and brimming with a gentle warmth.

softly smiling at you, he continued, “we'll take it your way, we'll take it slow.”

note. maybe i got a bit carried away w these friends/bffs to lovers trope all around my fyp and decided to fool around to make this, it's not the best but i really love pinning :( and wanted to write something abt it :( this wasn't proofread at all pls tolerate my laziness (also also i was listening to gold rush and run by ts for thisss)

to that anon, here you go!

[satanfemme]

that "kink isn't always sexual" post I reblogged a bit ago is very good and accurate to my experiences, and I Especially like that it brings up the fact that a lot of time people can develop sexual interests in things they also have a non-sexual interest in which can (further) blur the line between the sexual and non-sexual (I've spoken before about how my experiences with pet play are like that, and I've met a lot of kinksters with similar experiences with their own kinks)

but I think my one issue with that post is that sometimes "kink isn't always sexual" can feel like an excuse, like "we may be weird but at least we're not real perverts". and I don't think that post was trying to give this vibe, I'm kinda speaking to trends as a whole here, but I think it's important to remember that if someone has a kink you find weird/disgusting, they don't have to (or at least shouldn't have to) defend it by also/primarily enjoying it for non-sexual reasons. if someone enjoys something for sexual reasons alone, they deserve respect too.

"sex" should not be on a pedestal separate from every other adult experience, horniness is not dirtier than any other human emotion, sexual interests are not really different from nonsexual interests in any meaningful way. it's so important that we neither glorify nor demonize sex or sexual interests. they're completely natural, normal, and healthy, even when (or I'd argue especially when) they're against the cultural idea of the norm

which is to say "kink is not always sexual" and "people with kinks that are 100% sexual deserve respect, rights, and safe spaces to express/talk about those interests" are both true statements that need to be taught simultaneously to those learning about sexuality and the kink community (because as I said before, the first statement in isolation can very easily become a tool of harm imo)

[atopvisenyashill]

in anon because I'm a coward but I confess that I love the parent-child dynamic of the targaryens, and being a incestuous family already make any relationship odd.

one of your posts about Jaehaerys and his daughters being groomed made me think about other parent-child relationships that are fascinating to me, like visenya-maegor, rhaena the lesbian-aerea, viserys i-rhaenyra, viserys ii-his three children. i wish there was more info him as a father because: he was violently separated from his family, forced to marry the daughter of his kidnapper, become a father between the ages 13-16 and by 17 he is a single father.

in my delusions 🤡 he didn't want naerys to be a septa because that would mean she has to go to oldtown, and he didn't want her to leave him like larra or aegon did

i mean you have COME TO THE RIGHT PLACE lol, i think the ones that interest me the most are similar: aligon obviously lol, visnyra (always sad that tag is 90% rhaenyra and an oc lol), rhaenyra-jacaerys, maegor-visenya, jaehaerys-daughters in general, alysanne-daughters in general (god that court was crazy lol), aegon iv-daeron, viserys-naerys, naerys-daemon, and viserys-rhaella. i think what's fascinating about emotional abuse and targaryens is that a lot of emotional abuse is like,,,,, rooted in a parent forcing a child to take on a role that a child is ill suited for, usually the role of a parent or a friend. it's not that every parent-child abuse dynamic is inherently sexual, but i guess it's that emotional abuse is meant to blur the lines between boundaries, and sexual boundaries are just a subgrouping of emotional boundaries - when you add in the incest, it's like it lays bare that thread that ties emotional abuse to sexual abuse and how those things can feed off each other. did that make sense lol.

i'm also very curious about viserys ii as a parent - i think we can assume he has some level of trauma surrounding marriages because even though larra rogare dies a handful of years after returning to lys, he doesn't remarry and doesn't have more children, even knowing how frail naerys is and knowing how insane aegon is already. i think it's really intersting that he sends aegon to braavos instead of lys when he's trying to separate aegon and naerys as well. i also feel like all the poisonings he's accused of aren't likely - why wouldn't he just off aegon then, once daeron was born and lived past infancy, if he was so cool with kinslaying? we can see aegon was a problem already, and a big enough problem that viserys is trying to send him away so he doesn't rape naerys to death - speaks to both a high level of extreme sexual abuse being heaped onto poor naerys as well as a level of compassion (however sleight) shown to a woman suffering from domestic violence that is not particularly common in Westeros. and it's interesting that he's really similar to show alicent, in that he becomes a parent at a disturbingly young age, and then basically parents his kids on his own from his teenage years and onward.

i think that's a really likely and great reading of what we've gotten from viserys-naerys so far too - that he has so many attachment and abandonment issues (i mean literally though not purposefully abandoned to die by aegon and coming so close to being sold into slavery and the who knows where the hell that horror show would have taken him!) and would force naerys to marry aegon to keep her close. it's not dissimilar from visnyra - forcing her to marry a gay man, allowing her an affair, but refusing to allow her daemon specifically because he wants to be the most important man in her life and neither laenor nor harwin are a threat to that but daemon is. so viserys ii follows in his footsteps by binding naerys to aegon, and putting aemon on the kingsguard - she'll never love aegon because he's a monster, she can never openly be with aemon because he's celibate, so no one can ever usurp viserys' position as the number one man in her life.

[yujeong]

Hello everyone. I'm currently losing my mind.

BOC released a new teaser for the final episode of DFF, in order to promote their live event for it and it gave me so many thoughts. In case you haven't seen it, it's this one on Instagram (they've also posted it on Twitter).

It's so trippy and cool and it gave us a lot of good shots of all the characters and what haunts them in regards to Non, but I'll focus on Tee and White, because I have my biases and that's so valid of me.

(I'll assume everything in the trailer is symbolic, like in the first trailer they had released and do my analysis with that assumption in mind.)

Long post ahead:

After we get a brief montage of moments we've already seen in the show with some beautiful background music (it's this one, I love it), we see the brothers and then we start seeing everyone's fears. We see Fluke being scared of the police catching him, we see Top being scared of a haunting, bloody Non chasing him in the forest and then,

we see Tee.

Tee is holding Non's knife in his hands, looking arguably disgusted with it (with himself). The scene cuts to three consecutive visuals which you have to pause the teaser to see clearly. I tried my best here, apologies if the quality is bad.

But the real winner is the two images after that.

Tee feels guilt for what happened to Non. I think everyone can understand this by now. He observes the knife in his hands drowning in this feeling, and it creates the image of himself pointing the knife directly onto Non's stomach, who's wearing the T-shirt he wore the day he got drugged and taken away to Tee's uncle. It's very intriguing to me how Non seems to either be trying to stop him or urging Tee to stab him. We'll find out soon enough what's the case.

Because they involve White.

OK first things first, the shot is gorgeous. I love the colors and the framing and everything about it.

They're inside what seems to be a gaming room, which I'll assume is where they probably met, based on the Without Me MV BOC put out a few weeks ago.

(Notice how the color pallette is the same, too)

Tee is wearing his school uniform (stuck in the past, stuck to Non), while White is wearing the clothes from the cabin (in the present, away from Non but not really). They already are in two different timelines, which is also evident by their positions - Tee is a few steps behind White in the visual.

What caught my attention, besides everything else, was those shiny things on the floor. I can't see them very well, but in my opinion, they're condom wrappers. They go all the way back, symbolizing the duration of the relationship between Tee and White.

The interesting thing here, to me, is how they stop just before Tee's body, and then reappear after him, in front of White, with some of them dipped in blood.

A lot of people, me included, think NonWhite is a possibility, which makes this choice here very interesting. I'll grab onto it with two hands and wait to see what will be revealed tomorrow.

Speaking of Non, I think it's fair to assume the blood on the floor is Non's blood, which makes White staring directly into it become another version of Non, narrative wise. Both innocent boys entangled in Tee's life, both suffering because of Tee. My good friend @wretchedamaranth told me it reminded them of this painting of Narcissus by Caravaggio: White is looking at himself, as if the blood has become a mirror.

Which makes the next visual even more telling: blood separated by a thin line (it's almost blurred but it isn't, White becomes Non becomes White in Tee's eyes). On the right, the big amount is Non's, on the left, White's shadow is creeping into the shot.

It's White's blood. White is going to die.

We get zero things on White besides this. Absolutely none. Does this mean White is indeed a bystander in all of this? Should we take the words of Fuaiz here at face value?

(Source: DFF BTS Ep10)

Fuaiz could be talking about the scene we have seen, not what will come after. But he could just as well be talking in general about White as a character.

All I have to say is: Brace yourselves, fellow TeeWhite fans. We're in for a tragedy.

[mae-i-scribble]

I’ve been thinking so much about how ASTV goes out of its way to set up Miles and Gwen as both parallel and directly opposing each other throughout the entire film and going just a little feral so now I am subjecting my essay upon the internet.

First off we have the direct comparisons that can be made between Miles and Gwen as people, the way they both use that awful fake low voice to disguise themselves. Both of them have fathers that are in the police force who were at one point staunchly against spider-man and to whom they have to conceal themselves from. Both of them started out as superheroes around the same age. Both are established as people who despite having support groups around them who support them (miles and ganke plus his parents, gwen with her band and her dad (here on a technicality)) to be desperately lonely people because they can never discuss who they are in full with anyone, and who in turn feel a special connection with each other because of all these similarities in their unique situations. Both of them are also painted as anomalies, with Gwen being a Gwen Stacy who exists outside of the ‘girlfriend who tragically dies’ role given to her other universe counterparts (this may change in BTSV based on some creator statements but for now its all we have to go off of). And Miles, the kid who was never meant to become spider-man but who excelled at the role. Both of them are extremely skilled superheroes who keep up with the older veterans despite their age too.

And then we have some of the hard hitting differences. The polar opposite relationship these two have with both their fathers and with family in general. Even as spider-man, Miles has kept a good rapport up with his father and the police, if met with a little more annoyance from the police. Gwen on the other hand, has been hunting down like a criminal for most of her vigilante life, doubly so by her own father who even when confronted with the fact that his daughter is spider-woman, tries to lock her up anyways. Something we know with absolute certainty Miles’ dad would not do. Gwen’s dad is also the only family she has left, and even before that it seems that her support group was very small and limited to Peter and Aunt May. On the other hand Miles has both his parents and a lot of people he can at least call acquaintances (we see this in the first movie as he has always been a bit of a people person, well loved at his old school). We also see a stark difference in how they would have handled being told they couldn’t use the watches to visit. Gwen, clearly afraid of losing the one safe space she has left, keeps in line regardless of her own feelings because she cannot risk it. Miles, on the other hand, had he been put in a position to join spider-society before Gwen, would have gone to see her by any means- he was already trying to see both her and Peter from his own dimension.

There are some other scenes and visuals that also continue this trend, screencaps and explanations of those below the readmore.

First off we have the visual contrast between Miles and Gwen’s respective dimensions. Gwen’s world is a blur of color, the cityscape blends together only to focus on the things Gwen cares about. It’s painted together.

Miles’ world, on the other hand, while having a slight blur that is reminiscent of older comics, stands out much more sharply. And while not as distinctly colorful as Gwen’s world, its a much brighter take on our everyday reality (mostly this one shot is not the best example).

When Miles and Gwen first meet and start talking on the bank building, this shot happens. As Gwen sits with a backdrop of shadows we pan up to see Miles standing, the archway giving him the bright backdrop of sky. Right here, as they talk about what could happen if Miles’ were to reveal his identity, visually they are on two opposite sides of one story to reflect how ideologically separated they are on this topic. There’s a physical divide between them. This is coupled by the way ATSV uses the imagery of people being oriented in different directions to show their separation. It’s used in the promo art for Miles vs spider-society, and twice in relation to Miles and Gwen specifically.

But despite their vastly different experiences, the way that their lives have played out so differently, they still have a connection, shown by the way that Miles gets down to match Gwen’s perspective. He literally meets her at her level, and by doing so they get a view that only the two of them can share. Miles is what brings them back onto the same parallel track by orienting himself to match Gwen. That divide doesn’t exist anymore.

This one is less meaningful I just kinda thought it was cute how they essentially had the same reaction to watching the Spot’s plan play out.

The most meaningful shot in this scene though once more brings back the separation via oriented in opposite directions though. The backdrop behind them is open, connecting them together, and they’re on the same level face to face. However, Miles is upside down. Rather than Gwen being the one in strong disagreement, now Miles is with the fact that Gwen would choose to abandon him without telling him anything. And unlike Miles, Gwen doesn’t have the chance to try and see it from his perspective.

The last point I want to bring up is two paralleled shots in the movie. The first being when Miles catches Gwen with his web when she falls in Mumbattan. Here, the only thing that makes the web snap is when Miles’ starts glitching, literally the only thing the could have made him drop her is the universe itself interfering.

Vs when Gwen returns the favor in Nueva York. Only this time it isn’t about the universe interfering, it’s about how she’s lost Miles’ trust so completely, so utterly, that he would rather break off this connection himself than have Gwen save him.

All these things come together to just break my heart over what’s happened to their friendship- I really want some solid resolution to just how much both Gwen and Peter have hurt Miles in the next movie. But also the levels this movie goes to show just how these two are connected to make their intense bond over such a short period more believable is just superior film making at its best. If anyone has more examples I didn’t point out here please let me know I would love to see them.

[animehouse-moe]

Chainsaw Man 135: Sentimental Drive

So, part two is about Asa, and Fujimoto is well aware of the fact that she's been neglected in these last few chapters. Thanks to that, not only do we return to Asa and Yoru, Fujimoto cranks their characters up to 10 to churn out all sorts of hilarious, weird, and even cringey (in a good way) moments. Hell, you might even say Fujimoto manages to get all the way to 11 with this chapter that refocuses our vision on the impending doom of the foretold prophecy (and a little more teasing with Denji).

Let's get down to brass tacks here, Asa and Yoru are funny as hell, no two ways about it. It's not in their sense of humor or comedic timing, it's their very cores as characters and the relationship between the two of them. Just in the way they bounce of off each other they produce a humor that could only ever arise naturally.

Though of course, Fujimoto's flair does help a little bit as he decides to have Asa recite a whole poem about Chainsaw Man saving her. You really do have to give Fujimoto credit for Asa's character though, as she does fall in love at first sight with any guy/person/devil that's nice to her.

Okay, last bit of funny here I promise. So we know that Asa and Yoru do share brain cells in the literal sense, but they also appear to do so in the figurative sense when big sister Fami appears in front of the pair. Striking similar defensive poses after registering that Fami appears is just so funny considering how opposite the two are typically.

Anyways, lots more humor ensues with Fami rummaging through Asa's fridge while chatting about Chainsaw Man, and she exposes some really interesting things. The first being that she wants to separate Denji and Pochita, to rid the world of "Red" (Denji) Chainsaw Man, and bring back "Black" (Pochita) Chainsaw Man, and allow Yoru to kill that Black Chainsaw Man. It's a really interesting idea, because well, Fami isn't exactly one to lay all her cards on the table, so it makes you wonder what she gains from the separation of Denji and Pochita, and what role Black Chainsaw Man has in the impending doom foretold by the prophecy.

While that's more of an open question and curiosity, this next piece isn't. I love this symbolism of Asa and Yoru melding into a single entity/person here. How their goals align and they see a future together finally after the intense struggles that clearly separated them during the Falling Devil fight. Really really interesting piece that makes me curious to see where the lines blur between the two characters moving forward. Also just a little detail, it's cool that Yoru is the foreground character that "dominates" the idea of Asa+Yoru, as Asa is a far more passive person.

And last but not least, lets kick Denji while he's even more down, don't we? I love it, it's really great to allow him to "bow out" earlier, only to basically spit on his name in nearly every capacity.

It's really great to see all the girls in this chapter think of Denji and Chainsaw Man as completely separate entities, because it absolutely drives home the identity crisis he's had in the last few chapters. How impossible it is to remove Chainsaw Man from Denji, how much one is the other. I think it's made even more ironic by the fact that it's the natural continuation of Makima, where she viewed Denji only as Chainsaw Man. Now, with the War and Famine Devils, they're trying to force Denji to only become Denji, and separate out Chainsaw Man. To quite literally, like Makima did, rip out his heart. The writing's sorta on the wall, and it's saying that Fujimoto is too damn good with these characters when he wants to explore them.

[tangledinink]

Does Swannie ever think he's Odette? Or does he know he's a separate being from her?

Donnie occasionally thinks he's Odette, though it's more common for the lines to just kind of get blurred between the two. Overall, he's not really aware of Odette's existence, at least not all the time or in a very concrete sense. He may think or feel things that are Odette's influence, or she may occasionally be 'in the driver's seat,' but if you asked Donnie about it he wouldn't be able to tell you what was happening or explain it, if he was even aware it was happening at all. He doesn't know why he has memories or feelings that aren't his, largely because he's often not aware that they're not his own in the first place. Now that his family has this information, he may be able to become more aware of it with their help.

[fhs-event-week]

Propaganda for Goldami (under the cut due to lenght):

They have so much in common and yet they're so different at the same time. They both struggle with loneliness and repressing their feelings as a response, they would understand each other, and help each other, like no one else could. But their personalities are so different, Golden is a romantic craving real love and clinging to anyone who will give it to him, prone to helping anyone around him, while Cami separates herself from anything of the sort and is literally in the villain squad. They also have some drama to deal with, regarding Cami hypnotizing him, literally taking away his agency: Golden's biggest fear. And yet he doesn't recognize her as the one who did that. Oh, I wonder how that could go! (Submitted by @chocottang)

The name of the game here is POTENTIAL! The mere idea of the girl who once brainwashed the person she will later develops feelings for, and be romantically involved with, is very intriguing on its own.

How their turbulent first interaction (mind control) could ever evolve into something like friendship or romance. Does Cami regret having brainwashed Golden? Does she view it as an obligation she had to fullfill? Do the two talk about it? Does Golden remember the mind-control/ know it was Cami and if so, is there a lingering weariness toward Cami? Does she pick up on this, and if so how does she grapple with someone fearing her. Later down the line with someone she has feelings for/is dating, still "fearing" her, whether its on a conscious or subconscious level?

What does she think of Golden remembering, or not remembering? Is it guilt? How does she react as she realizes someone who was "simply a tool for bigger plans", becomes a real person to her? An individual person. Cami's view shifting from a how she previously saw Golden, or how she thought she saw them, possibly how she convinced herself to see them? Has she convinced herself she saw Golden as a simple tool in order to not think about the weight of mind control, of having the power to take peoples autonomy? There is just no way Cami sits in this relationship without wondering if she is somehow "brainwashing golden again" into "doing as she says again. Even if her brainwashing/mind-control abilities are something she has to fully intent for them to function, the inking of doubt, and the self-demonetization is a turbulence worth exploring.

Then there's Golden and how his whole personal struggle in life is being controlled and bossed around by family, drowning in work to do. Would he even be allowed to date someone in the first place? Regardless of whether or not he is allowed to, does he have the time for one? How much guilt does he feel over not being able to be there for extended periods of time, dates having to be planned in advance, and even being unable to respond to a simple text in a timely manner because hes so busy? How does it feel to have adoring fans, your name known, then have your own attention set on one person? Do her eyes on him blur and blend with the masses, can he distinguish surface level adoration and true deep feelings? If he can, can he believe it, can he believe anyone knows him enough to develop such feelings? How hollow does that make affection feel? Does he take certain gestures for granted, view them as normal, or do they maybe make him uncomfortable due to their semblance to fan culture? There are so many questions to ask and think about between them. (Submitted by anonymous)

Propaganda for Joysagi:

My only and best defense it's that one drawing and that they were GOING TO BE REAL BUT EDDO CHANGED IT AHHGGG They're literally took it away from us. 2016 was too afraid of wlws it seems They're sun/moon themed in my brain. The girlies ever. I wish eddo showed something more abt usagi that isn't related to loon and thus inmediatly forgettable so I could defend it from her side u_u From Joy's- considering the way her family treats her i just think having a more brave and adventurer gf is so nice for her,,,, like- almost two worlds meeting --- also i hc they both know karate and i love that for them. They kick people together ♡ They're just my princesses . Joysagi for the win (Submitted by anonymous).

[kujakumai]

Just thinking after you mentioned a Yugioh is about Identity meta. Even after it's pretty clear Atem/Yami is NOT actually a split personality of Yugi's, he still calls him 'other me'. Do you think that means YUGi himself has identity issues, perhaps pertaining to lacking confidence compared to Atem?

Okay so the original ygo-identity meta is here and the most straightforward basis of it is that ygo says that stealing or erasing someone else's identity for your own use is bad. This is most obviously displayed by Yami Bakura, the big bad, and his sinister parasitism; but it's also laid out by Yami Marik, whose intent to inhabit Marik's life in his place is a more direct act of violence, and more subtly by Gozaburo's partially-successful attempt to reshape Kaiba in his own image, and a few other smaller places. It is wrong, says ygo, to put yourself in someone else's place, to replace what is "them" with what is "you," to blur those lines.

This is, of course, what Atem spends the entire series doing, and I've written a thousand posts about how he knows what he's doing and feels horrifically guilty about it; this is why the climax of YGO is Atem getting his own name and learning his own history, because it is when the identity theft stops. When Atem says no, I am a different person, I was never you, and from now on I am going to be only myself. This is when he finally triumphs over evil, and the evil he's triumphing over is very specifically his contrast with Yami Bakura, who has not only spent the entire series identity-thefting Bakura but has had his own original identity as Thief King already erased, used, and discarded by Zork.

The question of "How does Yugi fit into all this?" is like. A chewy one.

Yugi's presence marks the biggest difference between Atem and every other parasite in this story. Yugi consents. Yugi says "You want to use my identity? You can have it, then. I will share. I will let you have everything."

I think there's a reading of ygo that goes "Ah! That's the difference, then. Yugi consents, which is what makes everything fine!" which isn't implausible, really, but it's not one I buy. The ultimate message is still that Atem can't triumph over evil until he knows that he is himself, and that Yugi can't become the king of games until he separates Atem from himself. Atem's "borrowing" of Yugi's identity, even if consensual and pleasant, is condemned by the narrative as unsustainable. Per the last two arcs, while their bond is everything and they may save each other, Atem cannot be Yugi because Atem is Atem, and this saves the world; Atem cannot be Yugi because there cannot be two Yugis, because Yugi has to be strong enough to fight for himself.

Then we get to, okay, but why does Yugi consent? And why does the narrative still insist they be separated, if it looks like a positive relationship for both parties?

On a higher narrative level, I think Yugi's cheerful willingness to have someone else stand in his shoes is just another example of the forms possession takes in this universe. The Mariks want to kill each other, YB takes more of a simmering slow-roll that victimizes Bakura more over time, and Atem and Yugi are apparently happy codependent symbiotes. It helps cover our bases and presents an example where identity theft can be done willingly but still be ultimately unhealthy.

On a character level, it brings us back to the themes and character notes introduced in the very earliest chapters of the manga: Yugi Muto has poor self-esteem and poor self-preservation; he is so lonely he thinks his bullies are his friends; he is bottomlessly kind to others and has a deep-set sense of justice; he feels powerless to fight back against those who harm him or his friends; he has trouble handling his negative emotions--rage, grief, loneliness--almost certainly in part exactly because of how powerless he feels to act on them.

Yugi’s defining introductory character moment is, remember, throwing himself in front of Jou and Honda, two people who have been nothing but cruel to him, in order to protect them from someone even crueler and meaner, and getting the shit kicked out of him. It does not shock me that Yugi would offer Atem everything he has. Yugi is kind, even at his own expense. If he thinks that to share his very personhood is what Atem needs, then he will give it.  

Letting Atem temporarily Be Him appears to solve a lot of his problems. “Other Yugi” can act on his rage; he is cool and powerful and liked; he can dole out justice and protect the people he loves. At the end of the day he can go home content that “Yugi” has accomplished everything he wanted to. Letting someone else do all the hard parts of your life, is, obviously, detrimental, but it’s a very passive, comfortable detrimental. It hits hard against your self-actualization and sense of accomplishment in the long-run, but it feels pretty great at the time. It is burying your issues with yourself the same way he buried all the feelings he didn’t want to deal with for so long that Atem ended up setting a bunch of people on fire with them.

So Yugi’s bottomless kindness combines with Atem’s desperate need to cling to a sense of identity. Yugi throws a band-aid on all his issues and eagerly says okay, you need it, you can have mine. 

I wouldn’t say Yugi has “identity” issues, not in the same way Atem does. Yugi has, and always has had, ignore-his-problems-and-sweep-everything-under-the-rug issues. Yugi knows who he is. I think on some level he understands that Atem is not and never was him. But acknowledging that Atem is not him is admitting everything that got us here in the first place--that Yugi Muto, the one and only, isn’t cool and isn’t powerful. That none of those accomplishments are his. That Yugi Muto is small and weak, that he can’t hurt back all the people who hurt him, that he can’t make friends or get a date on his own. This is terrifying and difficult to think about, so he won’t. Atem is lost and confused and won’t assert himself as separate, so Yugi never has to. 

It suits Yugi’s self-esteem to let everyone think Atem is him, and it suits Atem’s sense of purpose to pretend he is Yugi, and neither of them has to deal with the mortifying ordeal of being themselves. They will continue in this ouroboros of projection, enablement, and self-abjuration until the last two arcs force them to stop. And it will--because YGO is about identity; because Yugi and Atem’s cohabitation prevents either of them from fully asserting an individual identity. Because the narrative of YGO insists, demands, that the only way forward is to be yourself and nobody else.

[starlightshore]

OH GREAT ONE! Please. . . Can you please give us a tutorial on how to make Pixel Character sprites on Asepeite? You do them so beautifully. . . *Sheds a tear*

please don't call me "oh great one" even as a joke; don't put me on a pedestal. I'm just Some Guy.

anyway there are plenty of cool tutorials on youtube, just search stuff like "pixel art tutorial" or "pixel grass" or "pixel trees" for specifics

but what i'd recommend as my top rule: experiment! make more art! Have fun! just make things and you'll naturally improve

but past that, for some more tangible advice:

look into stylization. pixel art NEEDS clarity and simple shapes to work. you can achieve this by thinking of the shapes (thus the importance of stylization) and by doing simple math or consistent "scales" of going down or up in number. see how the second line goes from looong to long to short shorter then a dot vs. how the left one just does things randomly, there's no scale here. it shows purpose and confidence when you use more math-based art. see how the circle uses the scale/ math vs. this blob where i purposefully didn't?

keep the linework clean:

aesprite has a feature called "pixel perfect" which prevents jaggies, which are these clumps of pixels as you can see on the right.

keep the art consitant. don't use blur effects or gradients, i'd say that's more so for VERY rare circumstances and should only be approached from a more experienced hand. (ie, bigger background pieces and used sparingly)

how you draw the shapes/angles matters a lot as well.

left, i kept things more "blocky" and less "sharp" I also simplified the shape (note the fur on the side of the legs) is more clumped together while the other has a larger emphasis on separating them and making them sharper. overall, the right one is a lot more complex which I don't want for a character who is moving a lot, and seen from a smaller size. its a SMALL cartoon! i want it to be clear to the viewer without any details to muddy things.

note how by making the sideburn fluff more jagged removes some of the room for the white fur. you only see ONE shaded white/blue pixel on the left, which adds more contrast and emphasizes that spot. there's less of a clear distinction between he had and the body.

here's the silhouettes, you cans see how the body on the left is more clear in what part is what. Tail, ear, head, body and legs. the other one, sure, i know what those are, but its less distinct.

add "weight" to the shapes. have one side of the shape be bigger in proportion. note how the head has a wider bottom than the top, even from the jaw to the tip of the head. the overall body is bigger than the head as well.

symmetry is important and your life savior in pixel art. but not EVERYTHING should be symmetrical. look at the head stripe, mouth, chest fluff, and handkerchief. have one side favored or the other and not a perfect head-on position creates this asymmetry as well a more "organic" view of the character. (typically you want to avoid direct head-on looks unless it's for 3d modeling or character reference sheets, otherwise your character won't feel as "alive." it's not natural to stand perfectly 1-1 facing the camera perfectly)

note on legs and bodies: you can't always get an accurate symmetry based on the head size. depending on if it's an odd or even number of pixels wide, it'll affect how the body becomes symmetrical to it. in this case, there's a pixel difference that prevents a gap. note how the middle looks like a SUPER thick line because there's no room for a single pixel line. my solution was to have her favor one leg over the other, which works nicely as it adds a more weighted interest to the right leg while her bangs favor the left, creating balance. toby's solution to this problem was to give the humans one wider leg and it haunts me.

another example of this is toriel

toriel's side mouth would be fine if it was a consistent choice and other characters did it (sonic is famous for this stylistic choice) but because she doesn't even match her family regarding this, it stands out and confuses people. i originally, and many people I've met have thought this was her nose. EVEN THO you can see her mouth open when speaking in-game.

btw even tho this also haunts me, i don't mind it as much cause i know this is a result of early game development inconstancies born from inexperience. its a cute quirk honestly, even if it was an easy fix. i actually ADMIRE that toby doesn't go and retroactively fix things, and instead prioritizes making new things with the information of how to do better now. its very easy and exhausting to go back and fix things rather than move on. mad respect for that.

[sencity]

sencha villosa . . ☪︎︎

“But can’t you see that I’m furiously in love with you? I want to fill my mouth with your lips and swallow your moans and just–…eat you alive until I reach your heart! Don't I even get a kiss good night? Or...I can even hold you in my arms as we sleep together? Is that all not worth enough as a reward? Do you even care about me?! Do I even matter to you?! Do you even love me?!”

☪︎︎ name  ፧  sencha villosa.

☪︎︎ age  ፧  twenty.

☪︎︎ race  ፧  east asian.

☪︎︎ ethnicity  ፧  south korean.

☪︎︎ height  ፧  5’5.

☪︎︎ temperament  ፧  prone to burning out, benevolent, extroverted, clingy/dependent, servile, irritable, + resentful.

☪︎︎ personality w/ others  ፧  he appreciates his quiet time and botany studies, completely comfortable with scratching his cat behind the ear while continuing with his palynological studies (since he recently found out he’s terribly allergic to solidagos). though, it doesn’t necessarily mean he likes being alone but is comfortable with being such, let alone timid or aloof. if you were ask the old lady with the heavy grocery bags, she would tell you that a “little man with a little smile” helped her to her car. he’s very helpful and considerate, kindhearted and quiet. he’s always ready to be there for the people he loves. he could come off as smothering or too soft, or even resentful if you decline his affection. there’s even be moments where he’s a bit slick-mouthed depending on the individual. still, his reliability cannot be doubted.

☪︎︎ personality w/ love interest ፧ heighten his current personality traits by 1,000 and that’s how he is towards you. he’s 100% willing to care for you consistently; you’re his top priority as if you were a flower of his own. he’s very, very, very much more clingy to the point where it seems needy. he’s completely drowning in the obsession he has towards you, the high you give him is absolutely unethical, he could barely keep his hands off you when you’re around. declining his affection would only worsen it. instead of sighing loudly when loved ones push him away, he’d keep trying, invading your personal space unknowingly, begging you just for one last hug. his acts of service always have the need to rub your feet and listen to your day, soaking in every single detail, or even writing things down afterwards and study your ideas, desiring to understand the deepest parts of you…

☪︎︎ yandere type  ፧  self-sacrificial + obsessive. his presence is overwhelming, he’s like a child with intense separation anxiety. he’d even tried detaching from you a bit since you were uncomfortable, but that only sent him to panic attacks, wondering if you were hurt while he was away, looking for someone supposedly better than him, or the multiple people eyeing you without his acknowledgment. he has the need to watch after you 25/8 with no excuses; the line between obsession and love has blurred intensely. although he’s uncomfortable with some of your requests, he’s willing to do absolutely everything just to see you pleased, even if it means harming himself during the process. his obsession towards you is unreal, whether if it’s humping against the countertop you were sitting on or forcefully remembering everything about you, using his free time to study you like an exotic herb.

☪︎︎ theme song  ፧  ifhy — tyler, the creator.

and with that, here’s his sfw and nsfw headcanons …

my masterlist …

and the rest of my yandere ocs …

© all rights reserved 𝄁︎ sencity. “don’t become a fertilizer for my bed of butterworts and don’t be a parrot because you’re unoriginal.” — sencha.