#but before i figured all that out ny brother came in and woke me up

[zaza-expert]

I always have the most intense nap dreams

[klvht]

The Occult vs. “A Cult”

The Occult vs. “A Cult”

How many can agree that Christianity is a cult?

I thought so too, at first.

I grew up in a Catholic faith, went to a Catholic church, and attended a Catholic school. Over the years, it has changed. I have been to a few different churches, but all focused-on God.

I believe a couple days ago, that God put it on my heart to write about the occult and witchcraft, but I wasn’t sure how to, in order to get my full point across; So I figured I’d just share my journey.

As many of you know, I used to live in Salem, MA & have been visiting there for most of my life. (Shout out to Mr. Roy who had brought my father up there almost his whole life as well, R.I.P.) Don’t get me wrong, Salem is a BEAUTIFUL place, and I love it there, even til this day. The area is super peaceful, has an amazing history, and is overly beautiful. I believe that Salem is one of the centers of witchcraft, and unfortunately, I got into it too. I used to read oracle cards, use a pendulum, practice spells, create sigils, the list goes on. Even as a little girl, my parents were getting their car fixed, and there was a witch there who wanted to speak with me, for whatever reason, which now I find funny that I ended up walking down the same unrighteous path as her later on in life (but as early as 12 years old).

Let’s go back to the home that started it all... upstate, NY. I got my first pack of oracle cards when I used to live in a house built in the 1800’s; my mom purchased them for me. They were contained in a beautiful package littered with “Angel” messages, that would help me tell the future. I also had my first pendulum in that house that I purchased from a visit in Salem. It was a beautiful home, the first one my parents purchased, and we had acres of land, including and above ground pool, a separate garage/bay/barn area, chickens, guinea hens, and an awesome pup.

Above the garage/bay/barn area, there was a door. You walked up the stairs in my backyard, up the hill to the right, and found it. It was very weird, but since the home was so old, we never thought anything about it. I remember the first door, and first room. It was wood, dark, damp, and gross lol. But if you kept walking forward, you came to this second door. I cannot stress enough that this door had Satanic writing all over it, including warnings saying “demon/devil inside”, “do not open”, had a big pentagram on the door, as well as sigils written all over it in what I believed to be red paint or ink. Thinking about it now, I wish I never had the curiosity to open that door, I wish I understood that it was a true warning, whether people believed it to be or were just fooling around. I truly believe upon opening that door is what could have led to the outpouring of demonic and evil spirits in that house, and could have latched on to my family, because once we moved into that home, things were never the same. I remember a trap door being in there, and I remember a burst of warm/hot air that came out as soon as I opened it. It took me a while to open that door, and I’m not sure if that was the only reason, but there were ghosts in my house, and demons, and no one knew any better. My mother saw, felt, and heard a few different ghosts in that house. One she called the ‘cowboy ghost’ which stood in the doorway in one of the hallways that went by my living room and led to the upstairs. She was also in our downstairs bathroom one time, and heard a woman call out “Hello…” as if she just wanted my mother to know that she was there. Lastly, my mother was asleep on the couch one day, and woke up to something screaming in her face, which I know now, had to be a demon. My sister at the time, who could not have been older than 4 when we were living at that house, saw a little boy ghost walk straight through the wall. I never saw anything, but I never really have, I’ve just always been the one to feel presences.

There was sooo much negative energy in that house, and sorry to say it, but so much had manifested over time and had increased the greediness, heartlessness, separation, and negativity in my family. I didn’t see my parents much, they ran a successful construction business out of the home, us kids would NEVER go downstairs or walk around at night by ourselves, and my brother was definitely attacked and latched to in that house.

Upon seeing, feeling, and experiencing all this, my mom went to the local psychic to find out what was going on. She did not know, but trust me, you guys should NOT be relying on a psychic to tell you about your life. The psychic may tell you true things, they may be able to see your home through their ‘third eye’, and they could probably predict things that actually came true at a later date, BUT their messages come from Satan, and other evil spirits who wish to destroy, manipulate, and kill. I’ve experienced this a few times, I’ll elaborate in a few paragraphs to come. The psychic my mom went to, described our home “to a T”. She spoke about my grandfather who had passed, and other life experiences my mom had gone through, which most psychics start off with to gain trust. Then she moved on to how a dark entity was basically scaring my brother day in and day out; he wouldn’t even shower alone. She told my mom how our home was a “walk through” for spirits because there were two cemeteries on each side of the home, down the road both ways. I don’t remember if we ever tried to pray Jesus over the home, or had a priest bless the home.

My mother became ill in that house. Long story short, she collapsed on her and my father’s wedding anniversary in 2005, and my dad resuscitated her. I fully believe she has been latched on to, regardless of what anyone says. It has been 15 years, and the doctors STILL don’t know what is fully wrong or what happened that day. She has had multiple operations, been on a variety of medications, and still, cannot seem to get better.

My most recent encounter was with the New Age religion, earlier in this quarantine time, sometime in February 2020, which seems to collaborate all types of faiths, such as buddhism, chakra practices, satanism, witchcraft, meditation, spirit guides, and even some excerpts from the Bible. The problem was, that I have always known that I had a type of psychic gift, as well as, I considered myself to be an empath; and while that may be true, I did not hold the true meaning or source of these gifts, that were given to me by God, and manipulated by Satan.

What I got out of being involved with multiple groups of “The Great Awakening”, moving from “4D to 6D consciousness”, practicing “meditation” to find my “spirit guides”, “the law of attraction”, etc. was that it is ALL motivated by Satan and manipulated to deceive the souls created by God, to fool them, and to use them for his purpose, just by putting a simple twist on the subject, and to practice this type of inclusivity that the world had never seen before. That’s the thing about Satan, he appears warm & fuzzy, cool & collected, cares about all types of love and inclusivity, JUST to deceive people. He’s an evil mastermind. Remember that when he decides to reveal himself and push his new world order, just as the Bible says will come in these end times.

Let me tell you, the New Age religion is false. I found myself headed down the path very abruptly, and it was like I could not focus on anything else. Whatever demons I was letting into my life legally, (because that’s what you do when you welcome and practice in sin, worldly matters, emotions, feelings, and forms of witchcraft), were now starting to manifest and turn my whole world upside down. I was in a dark and depressed time, suicidal thoughts were again surfacing, I wasn’t caring about my wellbeing, I was hateful towards others, the list goes on.

One day I was meditating to find my “spirit guides”, and idk maybe about 10-15 minutes in, while focusing on my ‘third eye’ chakra, I saw a demon. A literal demon. It was crawling on all fours, had menacing, scary, sharp, flesh ripping teeth, and it JUMPED at me. (Think of those stupid jump scare videos on social media). As SOON as that happened, I called out to Jesus and said the ‘Our Father’ prayer, and instantly at once, I felt safe again. It was either that day or a few days later, that Jesus visited me in a dream to save me once again, because I had decided to focus on dark powers to give myself purpose, identity, and power. He was there for me, even though I left the path that He was with me on.

Others that I have spoken to that once practiced meditation and finding ‘spirit guides’, said that as soon as they turned to Christianity and Jesus once again, the same thing happened. These ‘spirit guides’ were demonic in spirit, but appeared as nice, helpful beings initially. This is terrifying stuff guys, but that’s what Satan is all about. He wants to deceive you until the very last second when Jesus comes, just so you will worship Satan and his beasts, rather than knowing that you can call on Jesus anytime to come help. There really is no way to “close the circle” as some witches call it during some of their sacrificing, or “white magic” rituals.

I have to admit, that I do feel guilty and a bit of groaning within me because I waited so long to write on this, because God put it in my mind and in my heart a couple days ago. And now look, there’s a full moon/eclipse that’s happening tonight, and witches all around the world are trying to “hex the racists”, “restore order”, and “bring peace” with their practices TONIGHT. I’m just glad that God showed me that before I went another day without writing on this subject.

Again, if you have any questions or want to hear more about my experiences, (I have plenty more that I may write about), feel free to comment or inbox me.

Thanks for reading,

God Bless You,

Jesus Saves.

I love you guys.

[schweeeppess]

Chapter I

---

Tim knew something was wrong when he called Dick twice and was sent to voicemail both times. Normally that was fine; Dick was a pretty busy person, so Tim could understand that; he just texted his brother instead, telling him to call when he got the chance, and didn’t give it much more thought until after patrol when he checked his phone and still didn’t have a response.

Frowning, Tim turned his phone off and looked over at Bruce. Normally whenever Dick didn’t answer text messages it meant he was either undercover or isolating himself.

If this was the first option, Tim would check with Barbara first then let Bruce know just in case he tried contacting Dick and couldn’t reach him. Bruce got overprotective.

If it was the second option, though… There was an entirely different protocol for that between Tim and Dick.

So he texted Babs and went to change out of the Robin uniform, running up the stairs once he was hopping into his shorts to get to the Manor because it was almost four in the morning and he had to get home in case Dad woke up and decided to check up on him, only stopping to say bye to Bruce and Alfred before booking it for the Drake estate.

As he approached the looming mansion, concern continued to roll in Tim’s gut as he thought back to the fact that Dick might need him and he wouldn’t know about it until Barbara answered.

Because something was definitely very wrong. Tim could feel it in his bones, in his blood, in his lungs. The sharp and bitter taste of fear was in the air, and it was unforgiving as it attacked Tim’s psyche worse than the toxin designed to induce it did. Underfoot grass crunched softly; quietly, in contrast to the raging storm and rolling of Tim’s gut caused by anxiety.

Maybe, he wondered as he crawled into his room through the window, Dick was just tired of him. Maybe Dick wasn’t avoiding Bruce, and maybe he wasn’t undercover. Maybe Dick was sick of talking to him, maybe he’d taken advantage of having a brother too much, maybe it was Tim’s fault—

No.

Tim shook his head, pulling his pajama pants up.

No, Dick wasn’t like that. He was a good and genuine person, and if Tim were annoying him he’d say it. Dick was honest. He was real.

Right before he curled up under his blankets, Tim checked his phone for a text from Barbara.

Barbara G: Nope.

Tim frowned, turning off his phone.

So Dick wasn’t undercover, then. That meant he was avoiding Bruce. Something was wrong, so Tim was going to have to get Bruce off his case on patrol tomorrow, which meant he was going to have a long night.

___

“You’re planning on doing what?”

Predictably, the whole ‘ditching Bruce’ plan wasn’t working. Maybe that was because Bruce was real mother-henny even after about a half a year or so of Tim being Robin. He doubted that the hovering would get any better with time, actually.

He paused on the rooftop he was on, shifting a little uncomfortably as he did, Tim answered, “Visiting Nightwing.”

“…and you want to go alone. Through Gotham, and into Blüdhaven, unaccompanied. Am I correct in assuming this?”

“Yeah, and?” Like hell if Tim was backing down now. He hadn’t when he’d stared Bruce down about a year ago to blackmail Batman, and he wasn’t about to start doing it now.

Robin stood up to Batman. (It was, like, a requirement.)

Bruce grunted.

“No.”

“Come again.”

“I said no.” The tone Bruce was using brokered no room for argument, and Tim tightened his jaw. “Finish your route then head back.”

“Ba—”

“This conversation is over. I’ll see you back home, Robin.”

Yeah, Tim bitterly thought to himself as he readied himself to continue heading toward Blüd full of bitter spite. See you back home when I get back.

Just as he fired his grapple, he heard a loud stream of curse words spout off from behind him and Tim whipped around, only for whoever it was that needed their mouth washed out with soap to run right past him and jump off the roof.

Heart jumping to his throat, Tim was ready to jump down after the person to catch them, but he stopped short when he saw the figure—male, Tim could finally make out, and with a red helmet—pull out their own grapple gun and shoot a line with what looked like practiced ease.

Tim didn’t hesitate to follow the red-helmet wearing guy. Normally, whenever someone was running, they either needed help, were trying to get away from Robin or Batman, or were just in a rush.

Odds were, though, since this guy had a red helmet, that he was a bad guy or something. Gotham villains seemed to have a theme of being flashy.

Somewhere in Tim’s mind he remembered the Red Hood—Joker’s ex-alias way back in the day—because of the red helmet. That couldn’t be intentional, could it? Was it?

God, Tim hoped not as he landed on the roof the other guy had and ran after him. The Joker had a history with Robins that Tim wasn’t eager to continue.

…that sounded vaguely insensitive, even in Tim’s brain. He hadn’t even voiced that comment and it still came out wrong.

Oh shit was the follow-up thought, which was completely warranted because red helmet had stopped at the edge of this roof to face him, and Tim was entirely unprepared for that—bad guys didn’t normally stop and turn around to face the good guys, at least the henchmen didn’t.

“I am really busy right now, Robin,” the guy quickly said, his voice coming out chillingly robotic but distinctly young—maybe early twenties?—even with the modulator, “so I don’t have time for your shit—if Batman’s around, tell him to fuck off too, actually—and I therefore ask you to please jump off the nearest roof and have a great face-punching night and kindly stop following me, thanks.”

With that, the guy jumped off the roof onto the neighboring one, leaving Tim with his mouth in a surprised and wholly undignified O.

Did—did that guy just—

No fucking way.

Now very intrigued, Tim followed Mr. Badass, vaguely wondering if Jason would mind if Tim added this guy as his hero.

“Hey, wait a sec mister!”

A very loud, very long, and very dramatic groan was heard probably from space at Tim’s shout, and he continued to silently gape in marvel and run to catch up.

Bruce would probably disapprove, Tim thought to himself.

…he didn’t really care. Robins hardly ever cared what Batman thought, actually, from what Tim had both experienced and seen.

Despite the overexaggerated noise of frustration, red helmet waited for him clearly anxious as he stood on the roof, arms crossed and looking for all the world like he had somewhere to be.

“What can I help you with and how fast can I do it?” were the first words from his mouth, and Tim’s amazement spiked.

Just who was this guy?

“What’s your rush?” Tim blurted. “What’s your name, too? Why the red helmet? Who are you?”

“I have something very time-sensitive I need to get to, my name is Noneya Business—call me Noneya, Business was my father—the red helmet looks cool, and I’m nobody you need to worry about, ‘kay?” Noneya answered, ticking off his responses on his fingers as he said them. “That all?”

Tim absorbed the answers, processed them, and finally said, “Can I help somehow? With your ‘time-sensitive something’?”

It surprised him when Noneya seemed to think about his offer, and it surprised him even more when Noneya said, “…fine, you’re his brother anyways right?”

He didn’t have time to think about that question before Noneya added, “No Batman if I say yes, a’ight? It’s enough with your ass Robin self.”

Noneya’s sudden accent sounded natural—like he’d been hiding it the entire conversation and had given up.

“No Batman if we’re not gonna be doing ‘ny criminal stuff,” Tim promised, letting a bit of his own accent slip into his speech.

A scoff of resignation was as much as he got before Noneya bit out a quick, “Hurry up, kid,” and was running off the roof again.

Tim paused to think about what he was doing. He was about to go off with a stranger to do fuck knows what and had promised to not get Bruce involved if criminal activity was uninvolved.

Growing progressively stressed out, Tim ran after Noneya, and re-thought his life choices as something Noneya’d said flashed back into mind sometime during the pursuit.

“You’re his brother anyways right?”

What did he…

Oh, shit.

Tim looked at the person to his right, bulked up with respectable and clear muscle, almost reminding him of Bruce, and suspected he knew how to use those muscles to fight.  He couldn’t have meant Dick, could he? But who else could he have meant?

“Where’re we goin’?” he decided to ask, carefully adding a little space between himself and Noneya, ready to reactivate his comm to contact Bruce. If this guy had something to do with Dick’s radio silence…

“Middle ground,” was Noneya's response.

Scowling a little, Tim resigned himself to wait for them to reach this ‘middle ground’ to ask the question burning on the tip of his tongue. What did you to do Dick?

It took eight minutes to arrive at the ‘middle ground’ that Tim discovered was an abandoned electronics store.

An entire eight minutes of awkward silence, at least it was awkward on Tim’s side.

Noneya beckoned him to follow, pulling the helmet off, and Tim did, hand hovering over his bo as he did, ready for a fight.

He shouldn’t have come, shouldn’t have kept it from Batman, shouldn’t have followed Noneya in the first place—stupid, stupid, stupid—he was gonna get Jason’ed and it was his dumbass fault.

Stupid, he mentally hissed at himself as the door closed. Utterly brainless! Dumb, thoughtless, moronic, half-witted, empty-headed, dim, daft, dumb as fuck.

But Noneya didn’t move to attack him, instead flicking some lights on to reveal the electronics store wasn’t an electronics store at all anymore—it was entirely renovated and looked more like either a very small apartment or a very big bedroom.

A cot was tucked into the furthermost corner—with a view of all vantage points, Tim noticed—and there was a pillow and light blanket tossed on it, a microwave rested on a desk across from it with a minifridge right beside that, and a lamp also on the shabby desk. Several monitors were set up on a separate table, nearest to the entrance, and looked to be working on something.

Noneya tossed his helmet on the cot and ran a hand through his hair, back to Tim, and Tim found himself curious as to just who this man was. Maybe if he could get a look at Noneya’s face, he could snap a picture with the domino lenses and run it through databases back in the Batcave to give Noneya an actual name.

“Right, well, we’ve reached the middle ground, Robin,” Noneya sighed, dropping his hand to his hip and turning his head to face Tim. “You can call me Simon.”

No way that was Noneya’s real name, but it was a start.

Tim nodded, then couldn’t hold his question back any longer.

“Did you do something to Nightwing?”

Simon snorted, not missing a beat as he tossed himself into the chair in front of the desk with the monitors and started to analyze what was being displayed. “Way to keep a secret, Rob.”

“That doesn’t answer my question.”

Key-clacking was his only response for a few seconds, then Simon hummed and said, “I know.”

Narrowing his eyes, Tim rested his hand on the bo-staff.

Glancing over at the subtle movement, Simon threw his head back and laughed, his hands going to his gut as he did.

“Is that you threatening me?” he continued to laugh. “God, how long have you been at the gig?”

The laughter was surprisingly offensive, and Tim gritted his teeth. “Answer the question.”

“I didn’t do shit to Dick, kid.”

Simon had returned to whatever he’d been doing, attention wholly on the screens displayed before him, and didn’t seem to notice the name he’d dropped.

It made Tim tense.

“What did you just say?” Tim asked, hand tightening around his bo-staff. This guy would be a risk if he knew their identities—Tim took back mentally wanting this guy to be one of his heroes. This was a big issue.

“I said,” Simon repeated in an irritated exhale, “that I didn’t do shit to Dick.” Lower, he muttered, “Why does everyone think I’m the issue?”

He didn’t really think before he was moving, if anyone would believe him (which they probably wouldn’t).

Tim blinked and he was behind Simon—had slammed Simon’s face into the desk, actually, and Simon was swearing a blue streak.

“I—uh, I’m sorry!”

He was panicking. Why was he panicking? He’d trained for this! Tim was Robin, he’d dealt with scarier villains! (No he hadn’t. The worst Batman let him deal with was Riddler, and this guy was much more intimidating than some dude who shoved himself into a purple and green suit)

Simon continued swearing his heart out as he held his nose, but he was doing it in Spanish now, and wow Tim hadn’t ever heard swearing like that before.

“Joder—fucking hell, kid, that hurt.”

Refusing to continue apologizing, Tim tried to play it off and said, “Who’s Dick?”

That surprised a laugh out of Simon.

“Puto, you basically just spoiled the secret. If I hadn’t known who was behind what mask before, Batman would probably be within whatever fucked up rights he has he has to either ground you or fire you.” Simon eyed him, holding his nose, and asked, “Are you even one of his kids? Damn he replaced the last one quicker than a speedster on drugs, huh?”

Tim…

Had no idea what the fuck he was supposed to say to that.

“Uh…”

Simon rolled his eyes and returned to the monitors.

“To answer your original question, no hice nada,” he said, clicking into different tabs. “Penguin got the drop on your brother. Auctioned him off to Edward Skeevers.”

Tim sucked in a sharp breath at the name, and Simon hummed.

“Exactamente. I’m tryna help y’all get your Dick back,” Simon continued, turning to give Tim a pointed look. “I don’ appreciate the effort you made t’break my nose.”

Still at a loss for words, Tim didn’t think before he was saying, “It didn’t work?”

Fucking hell, where’s the filter between my brain and my mouth?

Thankfully, Simon barked a laugh at that and replied, “Not quite. Casi. M’nose hurts like a motherfucker.”

“Oh.” Tim sat down on the floor next to Simon and looked up at him, eyeing the shock of white in the guy’s hair. “S’too bad.”

Simon hummed again and it went silent as he worked on the computers and updated some files.

When Tim had collected himself and his thoughts, he made a decision and sat up straighter.

“How can I help?”

Simon raised a brow and glanced over at him.

“Pardon?” he asked.

“How can I help?” Tim repeated, gaze locked on Simon’s own, and he noticed that Simon’s eyes were an unnatural, vivid acidic green.

He knew that shade from somewhere.

“You’re looking for Dick, right?” Tim pressed, scooting a little closer.

Simon frowned.

“…how willing are ya to do some footwork?”

And Tim was in.

[canaryatlaw]

okay, well today was fine. I woke up briefly at like 10:15 and looked at my phone, people were talking about starting a gaming session and I considered getting up and participating but decided I wanted to sleep more, so I went back to sleep until like 2:24 I think when I woke up again and actually got up that time. I got clothes on and then came downstairs, had some food and then ended up getting sent on a trip to Target for a few things my mom needed and a few things I wanted to get. I really liked how the donuts from yesterday turned out and my brother wanted me to make more so I grabbed a few things for that, and I’d been wanting to try out the magnolia bakery banana pudding recipe they released recently so I got a few things for that, and an extra can of sweetened condensed milk (I already needed one for the banana pudding) in case I decide to make this recipe I found called “butter rolls” which is basically a variation of a cinnamon roll but cooked in like this creamy sauce and it looks really good, and we had all the other ingredients so I just grabbed that, and we’ll see what happens. I also grabbed some drinks and some snacks and a few other things, pretty successful trip overall. I came home to find we’d just been paid a visit by my cousin’s cousin whose family lives out east on LI (so it’s my uncle who married my mom’s sister’s family members, in this case his nephew) on a farm and they brought us a ton of like fresh produce and stuff and a whole bunch of like good quality snacks and like pancake mix and just a whole bunch of stuff, so that was good. I put the groceries away and shortly afterwards I had to somewhat participate in a phone call with the estate lawyer that’s helping us figure things out. It was a fairly boring conversation where I feel like we didn’t learn too much more than we already knew, and I kinda tuned out for some of it answering some twitter messages. the main thing here that’s actually going to matter is what we do with the law firm, which is either going to be that my older brother quits his job as a prosecutor and takes over, which was always supposed to be the plan, just not this soon, or if he chooses not to do so and then we’d have to figure out if we wanted to have someone else run it temporarily or sell it to another firm that we’d referred a lot of cases to and other such things. the thing is it has to be held by a lawyer licensed in New York, which of course means I don’t qualify, and we were talking about the possibility of maybe operating pro hac vice in NY (which just means temporary licensing basically) but that would probably be more trouble than it’s worth and tbh it’s not really something I want to do, like I will if necessary but it’s not what I would choose. so yeah, we’re figuring that out. I do think the best choice is my brother taking over, and I know my mom feels the same way, but we really don’t want to put any pressure on him about it because it absolutely needs to be his decision, it would obviously be a huge career shift for him and he’d have to out a lot of work into it, and it could be risky financially because he currently has a guaranteed salary at his job, whereas with the firm it would all be up in the air depending on the cases. so yeah, that was a lot. we finished up the phone call and had dinner shortly afterwards (more pasta leftovers) and then I grabbed my laptop and earbuds and watched this week’s batwoman episode. I tried taking notes while watching since I wasn’t livetweeting, but then of course they ended up being a lot more detailed than the notes I would write afterwards, so we’ll have to see how that works out. Once I was finished with that it was like 8 pm, so I took a few minutes to prep the first part of the banana pudding recipe (the pudding part) that needed to sit in the fridge overnight to set. that wasn’t terribly difficult, basically just combining sweetened condensed milk with vanilla pudding mix and some water, then sticking it in the fridge overnight. after that I just chilled for a bit until Legends came on at 9 for me to watch and livetweet. I really enjoyed this episode, I thought it was a lot of fun and very classic Legends humor. I still don’t know where they’re taking Sara’s plotline here with the powers and such, but I guess we’ll see what they do going forward. it’s been fun though, so that’s good, and I think the team is really starting to jive together with the more recent additions. after that was over I just kinda chilled in the kitchen for a bit with various family members around, my sister had pulled out the waffle maker and was trying to make waffles but only had the bisquick “shake and pour” mix that’s only supposed to be used for pancakes so it was very watery and the first like two waffles came out like kind of hollow with it mostly just being like the crust around it with not much inside, so she gave me one of those and it was actually really good for what it was haha so I enjoyed that. and yeah, basically I just chilled for a bit longer down there before coming upstairs to shower, do my pills for the week, and start getting ready for bed, and now I’m here. It’s just a bit past 1 am so definitely time for bed and I’ll end this here. Goodnight dearies. Sleep tight.

[mnemehoshiko]

I Really Should Just Invest In Naps + TMI: HEALTH STUFF (x-posted DW/PF)

I'm so tired. I really need to think of a better way of starting these beyond, "hi hello. i am tired. ONCE A FUCKING GAIN."

My parents came Thursday evening to help my brother move on Friday. He's moving apartments and i'm lowkey jealous because he has

TWO ROOMS!!!

A REAL BATHROOM!!

a fucking washer and dryer in unit

all utilities covered except for internet

for fucking 950/month. T___T

The only con is that he's farther from things compared to his, now, prior apartment. Also it's carpeted which is a downside for me (and probably him). But ughhhhh.

But he did most of the movie on his own before they showed up on Friday? So they didn't have a lot left to move.

Mama brought me pillows?? Which are Nice and Lovely and I like the Color but it was also just weird to go downstairs to let them in and have the exchange of

Me: SALAAM MOM

Mother: Salaam, I have your pillows. *thrusts garbage bag filled with pillows at moi*

Me:*blinks* (thinking....when....did I....ask....for pillows??? In retrospect, it was probably one of those things I like claimed when grandma posted stuff to the family WhatsApp group?? And I probably?? Forgot???) Mother: *squints* you just woke up didn't you. Me, who got dressed in like 3 minutes immediately after she called saying they were here: *takes pillows* =__= (I had Not Just Woken Up. I had woken up and then rolled over. VAST DIFFERENCE!! ....there is no difference.) (In my defense, my period has literally Just Started and I'm like Not Happy By This. T_T) They ask if I want to come to my brother's place to move stuff and I'm like, "i'll go on the second round." (also known as attempt to clean my apartment, haahhahaha) I help with the second round of stuff and we all pile into the mini-van to go my brother's place and it's NICE and I am Not Envious but I'm Not Not Envious. =___=

He has Actual Windows. T__T (my bedroom does not. my apartment...has A Lot of Flaws but It's Walking Distance From Many Things So I'm Paying for Convenience) (is this my current mantra? MAYBE.) Anyway, afterwards we go to Costco because like That Is What I Care About. And we Costco'd up. And had minor rage that a pack of 3, clinical strength "lady" deodorants were 12.99 vs 10.99 for 5 pack of "men" clinical deodorant. My brother concurred and has like also read up on the "pink tax" before and like if he ends up marrying a lady, I'M JUST LIKE??? CONGRATS?? WE HAVE TRAINED SOME SEMBLANCE OF A WOKE BLACK MALE. PLEASE DIRECT PRAISE TO MY MOTHER AND MY SISTERS. (no really, he can cook, clean, grocery shop, basically function as a decent human being and like LISTENS WHEN WOMEN TALK IN A THOUGHTFUL MANNER. He also is willing to openly weep during movies, so like congrats.) Anyway, then we went to Sprouts?? Which is like the Large Hippie Grocery Store in Durham and I uhhhh had never been there properly and now I understand why little brother sometimes grocery shops there. There were So Many Types of Almond Milk I Was In Heaven. (update: have discovered that Sprouts....instacarts to my area......as does Sur la Table. This Is Dangerous Information.) Then we went to the hardware store to acquire somethings for little bro's apartment and then we popped back to my place and my mother was like LET ME HELP YOU WITH THINGS. Me, aware my apartment is still disastrous: "That's....not....necessary." Narrator: The mother was undeterred. She did not have a conniption but she did go into Deep Maternal Worry Mode with Bonus Overbearing and Meddling Steamrolling. Internal Me: She means well. She means well. She feels guilty that she's not Around More Often Even Though I Made The Choice To Move Down South. Mother: are you okay? I know you have the anxiety and depression but has anything else happened?? You know?? You'd feel better if this place was cleaner. Me: *pained nods* Mother: Has anything else happened that you haven't told us??? I know you have the health things but anything else? Me: ...no??? (Beyond health and like my inability to like sleep properly, nothing else has happened but stress of my grad life. =_=_ Mother: LETS TAKE JUST 5 MINUTES AND TIDY THINGS UP A LITTLE

Me, who's hungry and still Has Not Eaten In Spite of It Being 5pm: mother Mother, with broom and dustpan and trashbag: COME ALONG. Internal Me: She means Well. At Least She Is Here And Alive. Appreciate The Time You Have With Her. She Means Well. *grits teeth* We clean. WE ALMOST THROW AWAY ONE OF MY ROTHYS BECAUSE SHE DOESN'T LOOK INSIDE  BOXES BEFORE THROW SHIT OUT!!! And then we go to the restaurant for dinner....where the kitchen messes up my little brother's order and has chapati on the plate and he has a severe wheat allergy. So he takes Benadryl and my mother....goes into....deep worry mode Again. SHOULD WE LEAVE HIM AT HIS APARTMENT BY HIMSELF???? SHOULD WE TAKE HIM TO THEIR HOTEL??

my mother, once again, making plans without idk ASKING EITHER PARTY INVOLVED: MNEME, YOU SHOULD STAY AT HIS PLACE OVERNIGHT!! HE HAS A WASHER AND DRYER SO YOU CAN DO YOUR LAUNDRY THERE FOR FREE!!! me, a known cheap but is fucking exhausted and trying desperately to Not Snap At My Mother Because That Is Not Respectful But Also Looking Forward to Flopping on Her Fucking Couch and Maybe Even Getting A Waterbottle for my tummy: ....yes mother. =___= My dad upon seeing my mother and I exiting the apartment complex with my laundry: ???? Me, wordlessly pleading for salvation: o__o My mother, once we get to my brother's apartment: ....you know I probably should have asked before making this plan... My brother and I having Just Accepted Our Fate: *crickets* I give my brother the air mattress to blow up until he gets a Real Bed, (the place came unfurnished--which is the other reason I haven't moved because i'd need to like Get Furniture And At This Stage of My PhD, It's Just Not Worth It--so he has No Furniture At All). I sleep on the floor instead of telling my brother to just scoot over and let me ALSO SLEEP on the mattress which is a Queen-sized mattress. Nor does it occur to him to offer it to me. *stares into the void at my back* (In her defense, she did message us apologizing and I know she wasn't doing it maliciously and she's over zealous at times because she feels bad that like I'm a few hundred miles away. Alone. By myself. Single and thus don't have like anyone who's there for emotional support which like does suck but also I AM DOING... Not Amazing But Not As Bad As Undergrad? So...yeah.) I do all my laundry except for like One set that I do in the morning because my father is slow as molasses for Anything and I Know That While My Mother Wants To Leave Early they will not be here early and I have accepted this reality. Mother: WE'RE GOING TO BE THERE By 7:30 AT THE LATEST Narrator: They arrived around 10ish. We still managed to get to the farmers markets though? WHICH IS WHAT I WANTED HER TO EXPERIENCE. NC may not have Many Good Things but The Farmer Markets are So So Nice?? And big??? I have also realized if you wear a shirt that says "Ask me, I'm a scientist!" Shockingly, people read it and like ASK. Me, who slept in this shirt and threw a cardigan on because I was Too Lazy To Put On A Real Adult Shirt: ????? ! oooohhhhh... i do science. yes. yes, i do. Also got my brother to change his address because the voter registration folks were there and like IT'S EASIER TO DO IT THERE then like Figure Out Where To Go, so like We Did Our Civic Duty Today. *finger guns* Got some loaves of GF bread from the bread seller that sells Actual Edible GF bread. Sadly, they were out of raisin because it was 11am and like they open at 7am. T___T

Then we grabbed my dad, who went to the coffee shop....to work. It's been almost a full year since his open-heart surgery and he's back to being a Workaholic. =___=

Then we went to Lowes because he needed something and my parents FAILED TO COMMUNICATE PLANS and he was like...."oh I thought we were going to do it on the way back to MD??". Either way, I now have an adapter to make a three pronged plug into a two pronged one? So yay?

Then we took me, and my laundry, back to my place. My mother gave yet more instructions. I just smiled and nodded and reminded that she meant well.

And then ran back to the car because SHE WAS SO INSISTENT ON LIKE MOVING MY LAUNDRY BASKETS THAT SHE ALMOST LEFT HER MEDS BEHIND!! Me, ....this...is why....i said.... i could do it.......

But they are now back safely in MD, along with my brother because he has an orhto appointment. I was debating going back with them but I uh can't because I have a meeting with my PI on wednesday. And thus, I stay here. But I have a lot of article revisions and analyses to do so it sadly makes sense.

Maybe I'll try to go NY in Aug or mid-July?

IN FUN HEALTH THINGS, new game that I hate; "is this blood from my period or from my ass?" Spoiler: It's both~~~." Which now makes me regretting uh telling the gastro office that "no, I don't have symptoms so I don't think the steroid is necessary??" But in my defense, I DIDN'T HAVE SYMPTOMS ON WEDNESDAY WHEN THEY CALLED. Also they uh, usually are 3-6 months apart not 1.5 months...apart. So that was an unpleasant surprise which led to me pass out in bed when my parents left because ahhahahaha blood loss is v v exhausting and I forgot to pack my iron pills last night.

-____-

So, my mother is coming down again in July to take me to my sigmoidscopy. In which, they'll see things. Or they won't. I hope they see something? Anything? I don't want UC but I WOULD LIKE TO KNOW

- why i've been constantly inflamed since 2015?

- i know what hemorrhoidal bleeding looks like and uhhhhh i'm sorry but I shouldn't be dropping Actual Clots Out Of My Ass

*lies down*

i just want to not be tired and my intestines to not hate me as much. =_=

Okay, I am Going To Actually Sleep After I Knock Back Some Licorice Tea for my throat. (it's....super sore for some reason which is Not Great since I have D&D tomorrow most likely.)

[ilovehatembj]

Man Up Part 2

@eriksbabymama @sweettea-and-honeybutter @Ljstraightnochaser @amethyst1993 @laketaj24 @daytimeheroicsonly @uhlxis @drsunshine97 @supernovaah @muse-of-mbaku @zuzuspanda @chefjessypooh @purple-apricots @hold-me-like-a-heart-beat @cockyboysandsugarism @destinio1 @siriuslycollins @dreadedphilosphy @texasbama @blackmisfitsunite @cool-pen-name @madamslayy @slimmiyagi @blackchickfics @omg-blackqueen @blue-ishx @maliadestiny @yourstrulyylauren

I didn’t think that many people would read my stuff let alone like it! Thanks for sharing and the positive comments, I hope you guys like this one and all the other parts that are gonna come!

Pairing: Reader x MBJ, Reader x OBJ

Warnings: Very light smut and cursing

“What the fuck did you just say to me Michael?!”

“I said was your business escorting that nigga. I was kindly asking if your business was prostitution if you didn’t catch my drift.” As soon as that nigga finished that sentence a headline popped into your head “Well Known Actor Michael B. Jordan Dead at Age 31”. But then you remembered that Odell still hadn’t been in your throat and that you prefer your wine from anywhere but a toilet, so you just pushed the thought to the back of your mind.

“Yeah I caught your drift alright. Who the fuck are you to ask me about my business any fucking way nigga?”

“Y/N, I am your man. That’s who I am to ask about your business.” he yelled with agitation in his voice, “You know what I’m not arguing with you over the phone. I’ll pick you up from the airport when you land, bye”. He hung up before you could even refuse. You decided not to even dwell on the conversation. Michael wasn’t on your mind and he didn’t deserve to be. Your mind was on someone much more deserving of all the dirty thoughts that lingered from moments prior. Or maybe it was months? It didn’t matter though cause after you got settled into bed for the night you were tired…..but your mind and body were still craving Odell’s touch, but you had to settle for your own.

As usual you were a sight to see and knowing that only turned you on more. Hair up in a bun and nude underneath of your white silky robe, you started at the valley of your breasts, then your hands moved to massage and play with both of your breasts. With closed eyes you envisioned it was Odell pinching and licking your nipples. Your hands started making their way down to your melted pussy. You slowly rubbed on your clit, then—your phone started going bezerk. You had gotten 15 messages in 1 minute and your phone was still going off because of an incoming Facetime call, all from the same person—it was Michael’s older sister Jamila a.k.a thorn in your fucking side for the past 3 years.

“Hi, Jamila”

“Bitch, don’t try to be cordial with me! You out here fucking around on my brother? With a injured ass sorry ass NFL player! I been told that boy you were nothing but an Instagram thot!”

“First of all you C-list Hollywood extra, I got your Instagram thot. You haven’t been relevant since you were an extra in I am Legend, leech ass hoe. Since you worried about things other than your sad ass marriage worry about your cheating ass brother and the actual Instagram thots he’s fucking, and the subpar ass strippers you and your husband been bringing into y’all bedroom. If you gon pay for pussy make sure the face that go to it pretty, bitch.” You hung up, you clearly had some shit to get off your chest after dealing with 3 years of her ass trying you and added the extra tea courtesy of Chyna.

You decided you were too exhausted to try to satisfy yourself tonight. The Jordans have officially pissed you off and a bitch had a flight to catch tomorrow.

You woke up late at 9 A.M. like you didn’t have a 12 P.M. flight to catch. You checked your phone and saw something unusual, a snapchat from that nigga. You opened it and your heart dropped to your stomach. You had every intention on ending everything with this nigga today, and you still were without a question, but you never thought he would take his disrespecting of you to this level. It was a video of him tongue deep with a very familiar Instagram hoe, Ashlyn. This bitch was always around everywhere. And the last time you had seen her in person it was NYE in LA and she was kissing that nigga when the clock struck midnight. When you confronted him about it then he said it was nothing, but your gut told you otherwise. You realized that you couldn’t handle this nigga how you your emotions were telling you to. You had to hit this nigga where he’d feel you most and it wasn’t gonna be through just destroying his cars.

You just wanted your time in NY to be over with so you just threw on some black leggings and a sweatshirt and headed down to your Uber and then to the airport. On the way there you got a call from Odell.

“Good morning lady”

“Good morning”

“You doing okay?” That was a weird question because last night for the most part went well, unless this nigga sent him the videos of him and that hoe as well.

“I’m fine. That’s an odd question for the morning after a date not gone bad.”

“I was just asking because I know he called you last night and cause of the comments under The Shade Room’s pictures of us—” you stopped him right there.

“What comments?”

“Damn. I figured you already seen them. I’m sorry. Just, just forget I said anything. You leave for the airport yet? If not I can take you, any reason to see your beautiful smile.”

“Okay, well I’m already in my Uber on the way to the airport now, but thank you anyway. Can I call you back when I land? We pulling up to the airport now.”

“Yeah, that’s fine but don’t forget.”

“I won’t!”

“Aight, have a good flight”

Ignoring Odell you decided to creep to see what on TSR’s ig sent that nigga into a life-threatening frenzy and check to see what comments Odell was talking about. After finally scrolling through their feed for a good while you see the three pictures that made that nigga see that he was the very definition of replaceable. The first one was simple, just a shot of the two looking at each other at your dinner table, the second one was just as simple. The third one though, THAT one is the one. The third picture could’ve been on the front y’all wedding invites (We speak positivity into existence over this way honey). Y’all were walking out of the restaurant and smiling looking into each other’s eyes, Odell’s hand was guiding you by your lower back out of Morimoto, and you looked at pure peace. The caption was generic as hell, “Y/N, what’s the tea sis?”, but a comment thread caught your attention. It was this bitch Saweetie. You read her comment that said, “Damn. Why ain’t Mike call me last night?”. You saw RED. You asked for your driver to pull over to the nearest FedEx Kinkos cause you wanted this nigga to see that it wasn’t just cheating, it was the balls these type of bitches grew. You  printed out the screenshots of her comment and asked the driver to speed so you could still catch your flight on time. You left him a fat ass tip for doing you those major favors.

You’re flight was smooth and you landed back in LA around noon your time. That nigga was waiting for you and he looked like his body was repaying his ass for that stunt and whatever other bullshit he did last night, he looked badly hungover. He didn’t speak to you, you didn’t speak to him, you just followed him to the car. Once y’all got in the car you snatched the aux away from that nigga so quickly and played your new favorite song. As soon as this nigga heard “Oochie wally bang bang” that nigga’s face dropped and he nervously started a conversation with you.

“So um, about last night, what were those um pictures?”

“Can this wait till we get to my house? I really like this song”

“Where’d you even hear this song”

“Can we discuss that later too? It’s getting to my favorite part”, he looked away and you sung along, “I’m in music, you in acting,so we keep that low profile, private and low key you know that is my type of style”. This nigga kept switching his focus between you and the road and just stared in pure confusion. When y’all finally pulled in the garage of your condo he beat you to the trunk of his car and grabbed all your luggage and  even held the door to your building for you. What had suddenly gotten into this nigga? Was the Michael Bakari Jordan fearful?

Once y’all walked through your door he walked to bedroom, dropped your bags, came back out and asked, “So, now can we talk about those pictures?”

“Yeah, but first we need to talk about a few other things. First let’s play a guessing game. Let’s guess who this hip-hop pass around was talking about in this song.” You played “23” again staring at him as he stared at the floor. The song finished.

“Easy, Drake.”

“Really? Drizzy?” you asked with a scrunched face holding your hands trying to not catch a DV charge.

“Yeah, matter of fact I saw her at one of his house parties in November.” Nigga really thought he was clever.

“Damn, well this bitch clearly didn’t know how to spell Drake under TSR’s comments today”. You pulled the screenshots of her comment out and put it in his face. “SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT YOU NIGGA!” You screamed. “I KNOW FOR DAMN SURE SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT YOU BECAUSE WHEN YOU HAD JUST GOTTEN YOUR i8 I HADN’T EVEN WORE MY BLONDE WIG IN IT AND I FOUND A MOTHERFUCKIN’ BLONDE HAIR! AND THE LINE ABOUT Y’ALL FUCKIN’ IN A CAR PROVED IT EVEN MORE CAUSE YOU BEEN SLANGIN’ YOUR MEDIOCRE ASS DICK AROUND HOLLYWOOD AND PHILLY. MEDIOCRE DICK THAT FURTHER DECLINED IN QUALITY WHEN YOU CAME HOME TO ME. YOU CAN KEEP YOUR LIMP NOT UP TO MUCH DICK AND THE BASIC BITCHES THAT COME WITH IT. DON’T SAY SHIT TO ME. DON’T ASK ME ABOUT NO FUCKIN’ PICTURES, DON’T ASKED IF I FUCKED HIM BECAUSE NO I DIDN’T BECAUSE YOU DECIDED TO RUIN MY FUCKIN’ NIGHT BY CALLING ME. YOU FUCKIN’ COCKBLOCK.”

“Y/N, you know-”

“NIGGA GET OUT AND TELL YOUR FUGLY ASS SISTER NOT TO CALL ME BACK ON BS UNLESS SHE REALLY WITH THE SHITS”

“Baby them bitches meant NOTHING! I promise!”

“Odell—” Ooop. Bitch its EVIDENT who you were thinking about. A part of you said Odell’s name on purpose because you wanted that nigga to know how done you were with him. Once you said that, that nigga was fuming.

“BITCH WHAT DID YOU JUST CALL ME?”

“BITCH I CALLED YOU THE NIGGAS NAME THAT I’M THINKING ABOUT. YOU HAVE NO RIGHT TO BE MAD ABOUT SHIT! ESPECIALLY AFTER THAT SNAPCHAT STUNT YOU PULLED WITH THAT HOE ASHLYN.”

“OKAY YEAH, Y/N I FUCKED HER LAST NIGHT BUT SHE SENT YOU THAT VIDEO WHEN SHE GOT AHOLD OF MY PHONE. BUT I’LL LEAVE! I DON’T CARE DAWG! YOU NEED ME! I DON’T NEED YO ASS! MAYBE IF YOU WASN’T SO BORING I WOULDN’T BE FUCKING THESE OTHER BITCHES” Did this nigga just magically forget all the connections that you’ve made FOR HIM?! Fuck the part about being “boring” you knew you were FAR from that. This nigga was set to be in a Ciroc commercial because you knew Diddy well because he went way back with your dad. This same nigga was able to be on Snoop Dogg’s VH1 show because Snoop considered you to be an actual niece. You were the only reason this nigga was able to say he knew so many Black celebrities. But all that was about to change as soon as that nigga left. You calmed down, walked him to the door and said, “If you say so”. “I’m done witcho ass. I paid for some pornstar titties and it’s time to go play with em.” You closed the door calmly. With everything that came out of that nigga’s mouth you finally realized what was wrong with him, he didn’t appreciate or value your presence, he was only still with you because he didn’t wanna know what your absence felt like.

You had calls to make. First it was Uncle Snoop and Diddy. All you had to say was he called you outta your name. He lost one endorsement. Then you called Dr. Dre, he still had some ownership of Beats, so he had a say in who was the face of it. That nigga lost an endorsement he was supposed to shoot for in a week. Then you called all of LA’s finest, from Nipsey Hussle to YG to the LAPD this nigga was a walking target. Your dad was well respected in LA so naturally the Bloods, Crips, and 5-0 would unite under your thumb. Then you called Pusha-T, this nigga could get all of hip-hop to hate one nigga at the drop of a dime. You have officially cost this nigga at least $15 million and potentially his life. You couldn’t careless, honestly.

You still had one more person to call and your night would exponentially better. Odell.

“Hello?”

“Hey, did your flight get delayed?

“No.”

“When you get home?”

“A few hours ago. I’m calling late be—”

“Its cool, I understand, you don’t have to let me down easy.”

“Odell, exactly what am I letting you down from?”

“Us, or a chance at us rather”

“See, you gotta let me finish my sentences. I was going to say I was late calling because I broke up with him.”

“Word?! Like forreal?”

“Forreal! Mister I think can read people’s brains”

“HAHA. You had me nervous girl. Damn. You gotta be quicker witcho points though. That whole miscommunication was on you.”

“You may have a point”

“Since I have a point how bout an invite to LA”

“Hmmmm. Consider this your invite.”

“I can be there Saturday”

“I’ll pick you up from the airport”

“Should I um, get a room at a hotel?”

“See I think there’s some sort of convention going on and I’m 1000% sure that every hotel in LA is booked. You don’t have to call and check either. Just take my word for it.”

“I think I know what convention you’re talking about.” The two of you laughed at your mutual understanding of what non-existent convention was going on. After you all sorted all the details he let you vent to him. You told him what you were feeling and why you were feeling it. You felt so at ease.

*Fast Forward to Friday Night*

You cleared out your schedule for the weekend and you were excited! You went to bed with butterflies in your stomach because you couldn’t wait until tomorrow morning!

[searchingff-blog]

“How are you feeling today?”

Over the past month her therapist had been asking her that same question, and each day it irritated her less. Mrs. Charles was only doing her job, but speaking on her feeling’s is something that Azure was sick of doing. Feeling each emotion all at once wasn’t like her, and since the death, it was like her heart was wide open to attack.

“After yesterday, I’m doing better than I expected to be.” She crossed her left leg over her right one.

“Does that mean the cookout was a success?”

“It was an array of things.”

                                   FRIDAY, THE DAY BEFORE

“Has she called?” Zeus asked as he brought more supplies for the grill.

“Nope.” Azure continued to put drinks in the cooler.  

The death of her mother hit Azure harder than she could ever imagine. That night was supposed to be filled with laughter and joy. That moment was taken from them when randoms mistook their house for somebody else’s, at least that was what the police was telling them. She didn’t believe it for one second but didn’t have the strength to go searching for another ending.  Dealing with the passing of her mother was a singular situation that needed her full attention, and that almost caused her to end her life. Thankfully Zeus showed up when he did, or she wouldn’t be where she was at to today.

Thought of it only being her only saddened her some more though. After the funeral, Hazel claimed she couldn’t stay in NY anymore and needed to go start somewhere fresh. Azure let her live her best life, and deal with her grief the most effective way that she knew. However, Azure wasn’t has disconnected from the streets as everyone liked to think. She didn’t have concrete evidence, but it just seemed strange that she’d leave her here alone to deal with everything since the three of them were close.

“It’s only three. I’m sure you’ll hear from her by the end of the day.” He walked over and gave her a hug before going back into the house.

Zeus found it hard to be around Azure knowing that the cause for her mother’s death was his street antics. It was a revenge kill that had him ready to go on a rampage, but a powerful connect stopped him and pulled strings to get the war to end. Each day he woke up wanting to start the war back up but respected Wes too much. He was just going to have to carry the burden of knowing the truth about the drive by.

It didn’t make him feel any better that hazel left, because she knew he had a hand to play in everything. Zeus hadn’t talked to her in months and knew that the silence was more than likely permanent. It only made it easier for him to cut off Roman. He was currently serving 20 to life in prison because he took the blame for everything. It was a genuine gesture to clean the slate, but Zeus could never forgive him for what he did.

“It’s open!” He yelled out to the front door after a knock was heard.

The door opened, and on the other side was Sol, Azure’s half-brother. The two of them hadn’t talked in a long time, and she was surprised to see him walking into her home. He’d gotten big, and was looking more like their father. The relationship between Azure and her father nonexistent. In her eyes, he ditched their mother for a come up, because Sol’s mom was born into money, but loved herself a bad boy. With all that baggage Azure still showed her siblings nothing but love.

“What are you doing here?” She almost ran over to him to give him a tight hug.

“Here to see you.” He chuckled and squeezed her curvy frame tight.

“How did you even know where to find me?”

“Your sperm donor.” He said with disgust.

“Oh lord, what’s up with yall two?” She knew that her baby brother and father were practically the same people, which meant they bumped heads constantly.

“We got into it, because I told him I wanted to move here with you, and he tried to stop me. I’m twenty, about to turn twenty-one next week, so I’m grown enough to make these decisions.”

Azure and Zeus both laughed at him. He was talking like an immature twenty-year-old that thinks he has it all figured out.

“And where are you going to stay?” She looked at him with a smirk on her face anticipating his answer.

“With you.” He put on his widest smile trying to be cute.

“Mhm, I guess but this isn’t a party house and don’t be having a bunch of niggas in and out my door.”

“I’m not even a hoe like that anymore.” He laughed because they both knew he was still wild. “I'm bringing my bags in.” He was excited that she was ok with this big life decision he was making.

“Ya hands about to be full with him.” Zeus chuckled.

“It will be good for me.” She smiled, loving the idea that she wasn’t going to be in this house alone anymore.

                                       BACK TO THE SESSION

“Sounds like things started off to a good start.”

“It did, and the rest of the event went amazing. I think that’s why today my heart isn’t as heavy as I thought it would be. I don’t feel alone anymore.” She smiled as her eyes got watery.

“Remember, we can’t get being lonely and being alone mixed up. You’ve always had people around, like Zeus, so you were never alone. Alone is a physical state. Do you still feel lonely?”

Azure took a deep breath. “I mean how can I not.” She picked a tissue up. “The two people I’ve been going through life with left me at the same time. My sister, like always, thought of herself and dipped. There wasn’t even an invite. Maybe I could deal with this on my own. Did that ever cross her mind? Then my mother passed…”

“Don’t do that. Call a thing a thing. Your house was gunned down, and a bullet hit your mother.” She looked Azure in her saddened eyes because she needed to accept the facts for the facts.

“And that’s what I can’t get over because that right there seems like a bad dream to me.” She patted her face dry.

“Azure it’s time you wake up, and accept reality for what it is, so you can truly see that the ones that are around want to help you, and will be around when you’re ready to take in their love.” Mrs. Charles held her hand and smiled at her.

                                                    8:45 PM

“I’m coming.” Azure walked down the steps with a silk pink robe tied around her body. She really hoped this wasn’t Sol talking about he forgot his keys again. “Ohh, what’s up?” She looked up and it was Saint.

“I came by to see you. I know I didn’t pop up yesterday.” Saint smiled down at Azure. He missed her more than he thought he ever could. With yesterday being the one month anniversary he wanted to be here for her, but he was in Washington fighting for custody of his daughter. When he revealed to Cassi that he didn’t want to be with her anymore she held the baby from him. So now he was doing what needed to be done, but right now the focus was Azure.

“It’s all good. Come in.” She stepped aside for him to enter. AZ knew all about the baby at this point, so she kept her distance factoring everything that she was dealing with. The two of them hadn’t even discussed what happened that night. “Want something to drink?” She headed towards the kitchen.

“I’m good with water.” He followed.

“Since when?” She chuckled, looking back at him.

“I’m chilling on alcohol right now.” He leaned on the island and watched her. “What’s been up with you?”

As she talked he looked at her move around the kitchen. Just being in her presence he wanted to devour every inch of her body. It had been months since he got a nut, and seeing Azure’s body wrapped in that robe got his blood heating up.

“I miss you.” He cut her off and walked over towards her. “I know we haven’t talked about that night, but I think we both want the same thing.” He wrapped his arms around her and lifted her on top of the counter and begun kissing her neck.

“Saaaaint, wait.” She moaned out his nameThe last time they fucked was the last time she got any, and he spoke facts. Azure wanted him.

“Just relax.” He looked up into her eyes as he slide her panties off. His palmed pressed against her chest to make her lay back, as he descended down between her legs. The taste of her was one rare dessert he yearned for.

[maggyme13]

You never said anything about a wedding!(4/?)

Imagine: Frigga, mother of Thor and Loki, was able to find a way to get Loki back on the right path. A spell to bind his fate to a willing person, so he learns the value of other.

Thor was send to Earth to find that someone. He found this someone in the Reader, who he met at Starks AVENGERS tower.The Reader was friends with Thor for a long time now and wanted to help him save his brother for a life of imprisonment.

But the god of thunder forgot to mention an important detail.

Loki x Reader,

Warning: not really, the assholes have an second appearance

Wordcount: 2917

AN: Please let me know how you like this Part. It´s the first day after the wedding and the Reader and Loki try to have a relaxed day ( try is the magic word)

Want to get tagged, or I forgot you? Just send a message  :)

Have fun :)

*Thoghts *

YNSAAAW-Masterlist

 Part 3

She had just played the God of Mischief, who was still staying in the middle of the seating-area a baffled look on his face.

 Rays of sunshine woke her up, the warmth tickling her face.

She felt refreshed and started to stretch her limbs, looking around in her room.

After getting out of the comforts of her bed, she walked to the bathroom to get ready for the day.

When she reached the door, that let to the bathroom, she halted, Lokis bed had been empty and there was no noise coming out of the bathroom.

Not wanting to disturb him, (y/n) glanced inside the closet on noticing it was empty, she decided to pick her clothes first, letting Loki have his peace a little bit more.

Content with changing her morning routine, to make this whole thing easier on both of them, she turned around, nearly bumping in a leather covered chest.

Jumping back in alarm ( and because she was scared shittless in the sudden appearance- she blamed her just woken up state of mind) she lost her footing and stumbled backwards.

But the anticipated land on the floor never came, instead a strong arm sneaked around her waist and steadied her.

She must have looked like a dear in headlights, because she looked at Loki´s grinning face.

Where did he come from?

“Uhm-Thanks for the catch I guess.” She mumbled blushing on the situation.

He was clearly amused by the situation.

“We don´t want you to get hurt, do we?” He said with a big smirk on his face.

“Wasn´t my intention-no.” She said with a small stutter in her voice.

“Then what were your intentions, my Love?” He still hat his arm around her back, his green eyes were staring into hers waiting for an answer.

Damn, that’s a green.

“You surprised me and I lost my footing.” She answered short, not trusting her voice at the moment.

“That’s not want I meant. And I am sure you are well aware of that.” He said.

It´s to early for my poker face, pretty sure it won´t work again on him.

“I thought you were in the bathroom and didn´t want to disturb you. I wanted to get my clothes settled in the meantime.” She explained him sincere.

“Afraid of me?”

“No” This timer her voice was firm. She had never been afraid of him. Sure, he attacked the earth and nearly caused the destruction of NY. But she has always been sure there was more to it then everybody thought. He wasn´t the monster everybody ( and maybe he himself) thought he was.

And the knowledge, that the spell would protect her ( should her appraisement be wrong), helped as well.

She thought he saw astonishment flicker in his eyes, it was gone so fast that it could have been her imagination.

“I new what I signed up to, well most of it. I was prepared to be around you 24/7. You did not. I wanted to give you some time alone, before you are stuck with me again for the day. I figured you were in there, because you weren´t in your bed anymore and I couldn´t see you elsewhere in the room.” (y/n) couldn´t stand the stare, combined with the silence anymore and looked away. She would have tried to step back as well, but she knew his grip was to strong, not using any force.

They were quiet for a few more seconds.

“Very thoughtful of you. But I was on the balcony. You may have the bath to yourself. I advise you to hurry, mother doesn´t like to be waiting.”

Loki let go of her and returned back towards the seating area and began reading in one of her books.

Well, let´s get ready then.

It took her merely twenty minutes to leave for breakfast, using the sink, to wash her hair.

Not bothering with drying her hair, she put it in a simple braid. The weather on Asgard was warm enough, she wouldn´t fetch a cold.

She wore a simple pair of black trousers, with a lose shirt and her comfortable chucks.

“I am ready to go.” She exclaimed exiting the bath.

Quickly he looked her over, laid the book aside and sauntered over to her.

“Do you have anything you want to do?” She asked her husband on their way to the royal dining hall.

He only lifted an eyebrow in question, glancing at her from the side.

“I mean. You just sat in a jail-cell for nearly five years, there must have been something you missed. I on the other hand, just want to look around the city and maybe relax a bit later. God knows that’s a rare occurrence for me to be able to do that.” (y/n) smiled.

He had not time to answer, they had just entered the dining hall, where the rest of the Family was already seated.

“Brother! Sister! Good to see you this morning.” The god of thunder boomed with a happy voice.

“Good morning to you too Thor. How was the rest of the feast?” She asked him politely.

“Good morning to you as well, Lady Frigga, Allfather, Jane.”

Loki only nodded as a greeting.

“It was good. I hope you didn´t left this early because of those bilge snipes.” Anger still in his voice.

“I forgot them as soon as they left. I was just tired that’s all.” She answered him with a smile.

She saw Loki look in her direction.

“Why, what happened.” Jane wanted to know.

“When I was on the balcony, I overheard a group of soldiers expressing their displeasure about the feast and other things. I asked them to leave and they did.”

(y/n) answered her with a shrug.

“Nonsense.  You gave them a piece of your mind. You did good.”

“I blame it on the mead I drank.” The young woman answered, starting to feel uncomfortable with being the centre of attention.

“What are your plans for today my dear?” The queen asked her, sensing she didn´t like the current situation.

Not better.

“Library and a tour around Asgard.” Her Husband answered for her and she only nodded in agreement biting down on her breakfast.

Knew he would choose that.

For the rest of the meal, the others were talking about their plans.

“Library huh?” She whispered, leaning a bit towards the dark haired man.

“Unlike others I like to keep my mind occupied.”

Assbutt

  “This is awesome. Loki. I never saw a room like this.” She awed.

They had entered the private library and Loki strode straight towards one of the bookshelves, his wife was forgotten.

It reminded her on the library of the Harry Potter movies- old wooden shelves stood in rows on one side of the room was a little alcove, with two big ottoman and an armchair in front of an fire place.

Lady Frigga´s colours were predominant, giving it a homely and warm atmosphere.

I could get used to this.

“Do you think, your mother would mind me taking a look at one or two of these?”

(y/n) had found a lovely looking book, with illustrations of different animals on the cover.

This looks interesting.

Her Husband didn´t even bother to look at her, or give any indication that he had heard her.

But she knew, he had only decided that he simply couldn´t be bothered with giving an answer.

“I take this as a ´No, she doesn´t mind.` If I am wrong, that’s on you.” She informed him with an innocent smile.

She took a seat in the armchair, opposite to the ottoman Loki had taken residence in.

Careful, not wanting to ruin the book she had chosen, she opened it and gasped in awe.

The first side was a beautiful illustration of the Asgardian palace in front of a changing night sky.

Wow. That’s magical.

The next pages showed different landscapes, all lovely illustrated and she was sure magic was used, because they where moving in a way that made them look animated.

Turning another page, her eyes fell on the picture of something she always wanted to see.

A huge black wolf grinned at her.

Next to his fury body was the sketch of a humanoid ( probably an Ase) body.

The shoulders of the canine and those of the Ase were on one high, indicating the wolf was the same high as a big horse. It seemed to have the body proportions of a draft horse.

Hell yeah!

“Typical for a Midgardian to get excited over a children’s book.” Lokis monotone voice brought her out of the excitement.

“Well, this is all new to me. So excuse me that I get excited by a magical picture of a wolf with the proportions of a draft horse.”

He cocked an eyebrow at her.

His eyes were still looking at her, an amused glimmer in them.

“Glad I am of your amusement.” (y/n) mumbled.

That caused his lips to turn into a smirk.

It seemed like he was smiling about something only he knew before returning back to the book he was reading.

Two hours later, a growling sound interrupted the peace again resulting in the young woman blushing, it happened from time to time, that she forgot to eat because she was engulfed in work.

When she looked up, her eyes met those of her husband.

“Sorry.”

“It seems, I need to feed you.” He sighted.

“I am not a pet, you know.”

Loki only rolled his eyes and put the book he was reading aside.

“There should be food served in the dining toom.”

Loki was right, the table was filled with different kind of food.

“Eat.”

 After a quick lunch, (y/n) decided to eat a salat, that had a wonderful fruity dressing and fresh breadsticks, Loki held word and they wandered around the palace grounds.

Their first stop was a wonderful garden, that could be found in a concluded area.

Flowers of different colours and heights were in full bloom. Birds and other small animals ( like bunnies and she thought she saw the glimmer of a snake) were bathing in the warm sunlight.

“This isn´t like anything I saw before.”

“It is quite beautiful.” He hummed in agreement and (y/n) thought he saw him relax a bit.

Once or twice a group of three soldiers passed them of their patrol without any incident but when the third patrol passed, things were different.

It consisted of three of the soldiers, Thor had described as bilge snipes earlier this day, and they still seemed to be pissed at her.

“They let him roam free. What a disgrace.” One of them whispered to his fellow comrades, thinking she wasn´t able to hear them, but she was, and her husband was able as well.

His whole posture stiffed, and his eyes got darker.

He tried to stay calm and to look like he wasn´t bothered at all my that comment, but (y/n) new he was.

“I won´t tell if you won´t.” She whispered towards her husband, looking around.

But he had a confused looked on his face.

Really?

“I mean. You still can use magic right? You are the god of mischief, why don´t you cause a little bit of it? Odin knows they deserve it.” The last part was said with anger in her voice.

“You are even duller than the green goblin. The spell hinders me from using my abilities.”

“He hinders you from causing harm with them. But I am sure there is still something you can do with them?”  She said with an eyeroll- fed up with his behaviour towards her.

Her words seem to land on fertile soil, Loki´s face lost a bit of the annoyed look.

“I mean, a little illusion never hurt anyone, right?”

The god of mischief didn´t bother to answer her. But it wasn´t necessary, just a few seconds later a shrill scream was heard from the soldiers, who only stood fifty meters away.

They were jumping and shaking, in a manner like they tried to get something out of their armour.

(y/n) started giggling and soon was laughing out loud.

After a long minute, the guards seemed to get a hold on what was moving inside their uniforms. One of them threw something that looked like a snake, before it dissolved into green smoke.

With a furious look on their faces they stomped over towards the pair.

“You! That was your doing, wasn´t it?” One of them growled.

Loki´s demeanour changed immediately. His eyes darkened and jaw tensed, fist clenched so powerful, they durned white.

“Who do you think you are? Talking to me in such a manner?” Her Husband growled. “I still am a prince of Asgard. You shall not speak like this to me.”

“You are nothing else than a monster. Odin should have never listen to Lady Frigga and killed you instead of letting you roam free, only under the supervision of a puny mortal.”

They where face to face now, Loki still a few centimetres taller than the soldier.

“This puny mortal is a princess of Asgard. You better get your head out of your ass and leave.” (y/n) told them calm, but with anger in her voice. She wouldn´t mind, should one of them get hurt, but she didn´t want her husband to lose his tamper and the spell to kick in. He had tried to keep calm, and she told him to cause a little mischief.

“I don´t listen to a whore that willingly marries a monster. I told you that yesterday.” He sneered towards her and pushed her away.

Aesir were a lot stronger than Midgardians resulting in (y/n) flying a few metres and landing in the middle of a flower- beet.

Shiiit. That hurt.

After a short check for major injuries, she stood up.

Loki and the guards were surrounded by newly arrived soldiers.

The scream must have attracted them.

He was trembling in anger and his look was murderous.

One of the newly arrived soldiers stepped forward.

“M´Lady. What happened.”

“Your comrades over there insulted me and my husband and then pushed me. Just because some insect was lost in his uniform.” (y/n) told him with an professional voice.

“We will escort them to our superior. We apologise. M´lord.”  He nodded towards Loki and then pushed the suspects towards the palace, other soldiers following him, leaving her husband and her alone in the garden.

“Too quote my favourite TV Angel, that guy was an Assbutt.” She tried to ease the tension.

But he was still staring angry at nothing. His eyes still filled with green fire (and a glimmer of red?).

“Loki. You alright?”

His only answer was a pointed look in her direction.

“I will sit down. Just tell me when you want to leave.” (y/n) told him with a sight.

Her shoulder and back hurt, probably bruised and the pain had started to ache as well.

Damn. He looked pissed. Why couldn´t I get the body strength of an Asgardian? That Asshole could have broken my shoulder!

Around half an hour later, the God of Mischief turned towards her and held an hand out, to help his wife back to her feet.

Oh- Gentleman.

“Thank you. Can we get back in hour room? I think I have flowers and dirt in my hair. And my body hurts, need to check for bruises.” She smiled at him.

He bowed his head in approval.

 Back in their room, (y/n) excused herself to grab a change of clothes and head towards the bath to get dirt out of her hair.

Getting out of the clothes was complicated then anticipated, her shoulder gave her problems.

Only wearing her underwear, she turned around to take a look in the mirror, to check on her back.

Her shoulder was already black where he pushed her and the back wasn´t really better. Where her body had connected to the ground it was starting to turn black as well.

She remembered, Natasha had given her a ointment, she always used when she was hurt on missions.

Just in case She had said. You never know what will happen!

And of course, the ex-assassin had to be right. Just take a warm bath or a hot shower and then put that on overnight. It doesn´t smell the best but it works.

Following Natasha´s tip, she was staring to let water flow into the pool, before poking her head out of the door, not wanting to be seen by Loki, only wearing her underwear.

He is probably on the balcony.

Quick and as silent as possible, she ran to the little trunk in front of her bed and pulled a little tube out, before returning to the bath.

“What´s that on your back?” Loki´s voice stopped her dead in the tracks.

“Bruises.” She answered silent. “Got them when I fell.”

No need to lie to him.

“Do they hurt?” His voice was closer now.

“What do you think? A bit. I just wanted to take a warm bath and then put this on them.” She showed him the tube.” Natasha gave it to me.”

His fingertips brushed over them, causing her to shiver and to hiss in pain.

“Take your bath. I will send a message, that we will not attempt the dinner because you are not feeling well.” Loki said, nearly ordered, with a gentle tone in his voice.

“Thank you Loki.”

  Part 5

   @carefree-flowerchild @white-chocolate-mocha-fan @a-kiddo-with-a-doggo @spookycatqueen @hisunlikelyvalentine

@usedtobeabaker

@the-the-sound-of-the-bees-blog

@sarahivi

@mindlesslymental

@el-eldritch

@my-current-fandom-is

@lady-loki-ren

I hope I didn´t forget anyone, should I - just let me know ;)

[unsp0ken-details]

Moments to Cherish (2)

"Its so funny how so much of 'Finding Yourself' in adulthood is simply getting back to who you were and what you loved as a child" I've often thought about this and a part of me believes in this. As one grows over the years, we are exposed to more complex truths of lives, newer experiences, and live in the 'grey' - we go on a little quest to 'find ourselves': our true interests, what makes us happy, gives us true joy etc. In agreement with the statement, one of the places to find that is our childhood. Childhood: to the times where we loved, experimented, experienced, indulged without reason all while we were yet to discover the meaning of 'regret' and before applying the concept of 'overthinking'. One of my 'Happy Places' to be when I'm particularly in a thoughtful mood is thinking about my childhood memories. The things my friends and I did in school, Aadarsh's new antics, things I gave importance to, tactics which I thought made me smarter than my parents and so much more! I'd like to write about a few of them in no particular order: 1) I always liked have long hair. However, I didn't know the difference between straight/wavy/curly hair. I remember an image I saw on a magazine of a girl much younger than me (I was in grade 6 or 7 at the time) and she had a particular hairband that I wanted to pull of that look. Since I'd wash hair on Sat's I remember, getting that magazine, and wearing a black hairband with dots (the one I bought) and making sure I wore in how it was shown in the picture and feeling proud and waiting to pull it off better to achieve the length of hair she had in that photo. 2) 9 years of my formal education was in India and a majority of it included memorisation when it came to tests and exams. For the most part since childhood, I've studied alone but there were the few times I would go to Amma when I couldn't memorise a long answer. Having her simply read out the answer and break it into parts would make it SO much easier for me to learn (the part I'm conveniently skipping here is that they also involved crying if she decided to test me on other questions..) but nevertheless the end result was that I always hoped for this question to come in the exam as I was the best prepared. 3) "I don't care". I can't pin point exactly where I picked that up from when I was younger, but it was a brief phase where if anyone said anything/commented, I'd respond I don't care. Never to be rude, but I thought that's how it is used. However, a quick full stop on that phase came when I saw that my younger brother was picking up on it. Anything you ask him/commented, his reply was I don't care. The effect of this stayed with me for long, I have after that never used that phrase in a reply to anyone (except to convince people - good context). 4) Middle school years were interesting schedule wise. I enjoyed school and doing well, participating, taking up responsibility/roles etc. Amma would wake me up in the morning, shower (sometimes we settled on a bargain), she'd comb my hair and with a shirt, skirt, tie, belt, socks and black polished shoes and a heavy bag - we were ready to conquer the day. Amma would come down with me daily to cross the road and wait till the bus came. That's were I'd meet, Garima and Reeta aunty daily (her mom) and began our friendship :) I'd be back from school, change, eat and get back to STUDYING?! voluntarily. I enjoyed going through the diary with homework tasks or revise what we learnt in class. Made me feel productive. Evening would go down to play with brother or with Garima depending on what we'd planned that day during our bus ride back home. Would come back home by 8, it was always between 5-7 or 6-8pm. Extending this time by 30 minutes excited me more than I can believe now. Evening is when, appa would be back and I'd be having dinner by then, while we watched TV/news and slept. On weekends, I remember, I'd wait to start having my lunch around 1:30 as that's when "Karishma ka Karishma" came on TV and would go to amma's room where she was sleeping and watch that and then from 2-2:30 watch Kya Mast Hai Life (loved this) and quietly switched it off and came out to play with aadarsh. I still don't know why I didnt watch these in the TV in the hall or why I had to wait to have my lunch at that time (something with amma sleeping helped -- in the case that I might have to leave out some vegetables I didn't like having). 5) When I was younger (primary school years) and during a visit to Chennai, appa once asked Sruthi and I if we wanted to go to the beach at 5/6am. I was fascinated by the idea (not the beach, or the timing) but that appa wanted to do something with me and asked me if I wanted to join. I remember waking up really early, taking an auto and going Marina beach. We went near the water and it was a beautiful sight. Not many people around and just us three. Appa and kids. That's where I remember my chappal or maybe sruthi's floating away. There was a sudden rush of feeling scared since something we owned was going away + the risks of going to get it (I'll admit I tried and didn't think about the depth of the water/waves). Then a fisherman uncle as I want to call him - went into to get that chappal for us. I was SO SO THANKFUL and amazed that he'd do that for us. Now that I share this, I realise it was sruthi's chappal as I clunched on to mine harder. 6)  One of the things I maintained for many years was that I didn't like when Appa went on office trips. I believed that he went on those trips because I 'allowed' him. He'd ask me and obviously first choice is no but a small little explanation and I'd let him go for no more than 2 days (anything longer was only allowed counting flight hours). Now I'm aware it wasn't my permission as much as his convincing but now also I'd like if and push that they go through me (they do). The last permission I refused might've been me saying - Jakarta?! I don't want to move there and leave Delhi (I'd finally settled after 7 years) but same year we moved to Mumbai.... Another example with trips is that on one particular instance, I didn't want appa to travel. He was going to Mumbai and we were in Bangalore at the time and he said he'd go and come back the same day. I thought my crying made that happen (I really thought I influenced him a lot) but its something I didn't believe. He said he'd be back at 8pm and I remember standing in front of the clock staring at the wall for it to turn 8. It was the very first time I saw the hour hand in a clock move (Was told you cannot see it move as obvious as a minute hand). And to seeing appa at 8 - I thought that was magic. When I was younger, I refused to go to sleep when asked/earlier - purely because I hadn't seen appa that day. I disliked eating without him and sleeping without seeing him. Amma would push to go to sleep and I'd give in and do first class acting of closing my eyes if amma opened the door (I'd flinch my eyes because of the light so she always knew) but I thought I'd fooled her. I'd wait for appa to come and wish goodnight even if sleeping and acted like I was woken up by him (had to sell the story). 7) I remember vividly telling amma (was very very young) denying paruppu saadham once. I don't know why or how that when I said so and she didn't push me (it gets mixed with rice that she thinks I didn't know). Around the time is also when I remember I didn't like milk very much (especially the end part/last few sips). I'd drink 3/4 and on the pre-text of washing the glass, would throw rest of the paal. Again, thought I was SLY as a fly. But I am very very nervous doing something  like this so when appa called/saw me, I freaked out. Either he guessed or I owned up to it and we made a deal to not tell amma (I am sure this was broken from his end). 8) I wanted glasses, braces, to have a fractured arm/leg. Don't question me on these. I only got to try amma's glasses from now and then but she would not allow. I also wanted bangs (flicks, what it was called then) but had no knowledge of hair type/style. I tried to cut a small part over a period of days thinking its not obvious and would pin them so amma didn't see and when she asked - I said its new hair growing. Don't laugh. Now I am a MUCH MUCH better liar - to the extent that I'd like the opposite person to figure out I am lying sometimes. 9) I loved wearing heels. Its not the height or design but the sound they make. So, more than heels, LOVED wooden floors. I wanted them so I could wear heels and keep walking back and forth and feel like an office woman giving presentations/writing on whiteboards (also, my favourite thing when I went to appa's office). I remember I had a Barbie set I think (Heels + jewellery) - I thought jewellery sucked in design/flashy but heels I wore over stairs as the next best thing to hear the sound. But I didn't use it often because it was pink. 10) I remember the first time I was introduced to English songs and it was Love Story & Tik Tok. I didn't know where to hear it but wrote down lyrics from what my friends sang and daily night would read and memorize the lyrics with aadarsh. He picked up tik tok faster even. This was pre-youtube so the English song I discovered by myself was Ibiza because it was on our itunes on a Sony Vaio laptop. (I used youtube AFTER aadarsh who used it before me in Vietnam). - I'd shared that I like getting gifts under the pillow. For NY's once, aadarsh had Rs 50 and we went to a store and he asked for Rs 20 more from appa because we were at a store and I'd mentioned I liked a notebook that had a button to open and close. I knew he was getting it for me but wanted to get after I sat in the car and called appa to come to the store. That morning I woke up to aadarsh eagerly waiting for me to be up and said look under the pillow - and there he had kept the notebook that he bought with the money he'd saved for me. - Aaadarsh, when he was younger had a phase with hearing problem when we had ENT visits and hearing tests. I am not good with anyone close visiting the doctor for anything more than what's a normal fever/cold. ENT was a fancy name and hearing that he has fluid in his head for which he'd need surgery, was not a good news. I remember rushing home, sitting on the study table where I had a small glass ganesha idol (I won this in a Tumbola - Jaldi 5 contest) and I sat in front of the idol - daily for weeks praying that I don't want him to have surgery. After a few weeks when the doctor said, the fluid reduced and he doesn't need surgery - I went to say thanks and never made a wish after. - Aadarsh calls me Akka. He's seldom called/used my name in a sentence. I can't imagine him saying Pavi. But when he was about 3-5 years, my favourite & precious gift is him writing - Happy Birthday, Akka with amma holding his hand and finding that in the morning. However, the habit to call me 'Akka; stuck because I said I won't talk to him if he doesn't call me akka. This tactic doesn't work now :/ - My most lasting impact on him was when I was disappointed at something aadarsh did/said (not acceptable behaviour) and I said I wouldn't talk. I didn't and just when I was to give up (I can't stay mad at him), he'd gone crying to amma and appa asking them to convince me to speak with him. He literally hugged it out with us both making promises. - I learn better when I teach aadarsh. I've taught him grade 10 math, economics etc in grade 5 to help me learn. But grade 11 and me struggling with physics was an interesting experience. I was trying to teach him different types of energy (Kinetic, potential etc) and was highlighting the differences when aadarsh drew something he learnt at school that explained the concepts better. Here's my understanding of Potential Energy (imagining his drawing, a stick figure - moving from atop a cliff to the bottom has displayed potential energy. Not sure who can confirm this for me but at the time, what he taught me helped me manage that unit test.

[herdhamon-blog]

New town

The Past “Life can be a funny thing.” Something my father always told me growing up as a boy. He would say “Son, life can be a funny thing.” I never ask him what he meant by that but what could the answer be. I was pretrans (it what we vampires were before we become an adult vampire.) When my father came to me again saying, “Son, life can be a funny thing.” He would always leave it at that but for some reason it had piss me off and I turned to him asking, “What the fuck does that mean father?” I knew I made the mistake but I was tired of that same damn line from him and never giving me an answer … until now “you will soon find out son what it means.” Later on that night, my mahmen came to my room to see if I would come down for last meal. When I went to get up I was so tired that everything hurt my head, my body and my eyes. My mahmen came rushing to my side when she saw that I was hurting and sat next to me. “Are you alright Dhamisnos?” I only nodded my head even though it hurt. My mahmen got up from my bed and went out of my room but before she left she said something. “I'll be right back son, so no worries ok.” I nodded again and lay back down on my bed. I found out later that night I was about to hit my transition or I was in the middle of it but it lasted a few days and nights. Some time later I saw my mahmen there or my father. At some point my father sat next to me on my bed and look at me saying, “Son, life can be a funny thing.” I was getting mad at him for that damn line but I couldn't even open my mouth since it hurt to damn much. Looking up at him was even a challenge but I did my best so that he could tell that I wanted answers to that line of his. My father finally gave me my answer when I woke up again, everything around me seem different like I was seeing things with new eyes and hearing things with better ears. My parents were in the room with me but when I took a deep breath there was another scent but that of a female. It turns out she was there for me to feed from and maybe she would be my mate. The Present I do have to laugh at the fact that my father was right about one thing, life is a funny thing because my parents thought I would be mated to that female who I feed from but it turns out she didn't want me or I her. I was getting dress in my black shirt and my black leather pants, with my black boots. Walking out of my bedroom after the shutters went up making my way down the grand stairs of my family home. The home I grew up in till now. At the bottom of the stairs I had all of my belongings packed in bags and was leaving this house all because of the work I do that my father thought is was better to kick me out than keep a son who as he said was a disgrace to this family. I wanted to laugh at this. My father said that the Glymera would not tolerated this kind of behavior from a male of worth since my father was and his father was. Well too damn bad and if only my father knew who really hired me he might change his tone but too bad for that. I was sworn to secrecy from the male who hired me. I pick up all of my bags and carried them to my new car since the job I have I could afford this ride and not accept a dime from my father. Packing the trunk up with my things, I take one last look at the house I was born and raised in. Seeing that both my parents were not at the door to wish me well spoke volumes to me. I knew my mahmen hated that I was kicked out but since my father was still alive she had to follow his rules. Before I had left that house I did some digging in my father’s desk and found out that I had a cousin in Caldwell, NY who is a nurse. I wonder if she wouldn't mind a little visit from her dear older cousin and in on a little secret that our fathers had. I had to laugh at how my father did his business that ruined any man but the sad part about it was it was his own brother, Alyne. I had taken those papers as proof for her to see what had really happened to her father as a result from my father. I climb into my black and blue 2017 Maserati GranTurismo Sport car, turning the car down the drive and out of my family property and heading start for NY. Luckily, I had found a place in Caldwell and it was the best place money can buy. When I finally reach Caldwell, NY I had about three hours before the sunrise before I toast my ass. I had to pass the two security fanced gates that I had ask to be put around this property to keep the lesser outs and to also keep me safe as well because of the job I did. Speaking of jobs, I needed to get in contact with my boss and see what he or who I needed to remove from this world. Good thing my doggen came and took my things up to my room. I headed for my office to check in with my boss and see what he needed me to do for tonight’s job. As I sat behind my desk, I pull out the documents that my father had concerning his hand in the business that destroyed my uncle. As I look at them the phone rang, “Yea Xhex, I’m here in Caldwell. Yea, I just got here. Do you need me to work tonight?” I waited till she came back on the line I knew she had a boss and that she wasn't my big boss either but I stayed under her rules. “Yes we need you to work tonight say around sundown meet me at the iron mask?” I look at the clock that was hanging on the wall seeing that I had time to rest and then show up at the club. “Sure thing boss. Yea, I know the area I made sure I knew Caldwell well. See you tonight boss.” I hung up the phone. After leaving my office I went up to my bedroom so that I could rest. Waking up to as the shutters raising tell me that the sun has gone down. I head for the shower and get ready for tonight's job. After my shower and toweling dry, I walk to my closet naked pulling my black leathers on figure it's better to go commando. I pull on a black muscle shirt and then put on all of my weapons. I pull out my Sig Sauer Revamps P226 XSeries of Competition Pistols. One of my favorite daggers, the Scorpion Hunter Ancient Sabre Dagger, Shadow Of The Midnight Dagger with Throwers and my black dagger. Granted it is not like one of the brothers’ dagger but just as good. I get into my car and drive down to the Iron Mask to see what Xhex needs me to do or more likely kill. #TBC #NewTown #SaintsNSinners #BDB #SASBDB

[limpblotter]

Fly me to the Moon

[Previously...] [Next...] A/N: Ok so like...the more parts I make, the more parts I think up. This might be never ending fluff. (until I kill it all with Angst c:< ) Also I’m really happy I get to use my native New Yorker knowledge for something other than giving people directions via subway. Summary: Johan is pretty jazzed about being in New York or rather seeing a cute bodega owner. Ft. Team Benny and Sonny. (idk why but they turned into Timon and Pumba in my head, I kinda dig it) Warning(s): if you don’t like two gay men trying to figure out what feelings are sort of fluff then this is your warning not to read. Also its kinda long. Wordcount: 5250 (I GOT CARRIED AWAY I AM SO SORRYYY T^T)  Taggies: Aha, I actually got requested to tag someone and I nearly died, I’m still recovering but @hell-yes-puns-and-ships

New York wasn’t so bad. So what, Johan wasn’t sitting balcony side at some cute Parisian building, looking out at cobblestone streets enjoying a mid-morning glass of wine and fruit. People driving small scooters and walking hand in hand with paper bagged goods from the local stores. The air thick with the smells of wine and rose water perfumes. No he was far from the debonair lifestyle of his beloved France. He was however, for two days now, enjoying the company of a local store owner. A man who’s strange, quiet like charm held together by the soft warmth of a hard working face captured Johan’s attention. Johan was a little surprised he found himself thinking about that smile as often as he did. The spirit of NY was consuming him. The hotel they stayed at was up to snuff, Bow didn’t think it necessary to get two rooms so here he was, sharing a bed with his sister like the good old days. The days when it was four hippies and a sleeping bag on the forest floor, oh how Johan did not miss those days.

 Johan woke up from his idled daydreams and pulled himself to his feet. He walked to the bathroom and began playing music on his phone. By the time he was out of the bathroom, Bow was awake too; sitting crossed legged on the bed reading through the room service menu. “You think they’d care if I order some pancakes with a side of dill pickles? You know...so I can dunk it in syrup or cream cheese...both” Her voice trailed off.

 “First of all, that's disgusting.” Johan ran a towel through his wet curls. He pulled a few curls into place, taking extra time to make sure not hair was out of place. “Secondly, you’re pregnant so who cares?” He tossed the towel aside and placed his phone on top of the dresser. The music played while he picked out clothes. Usually Johan didn’t care what he wore. He, more than often, tossed on any of his nice European brand clothing on but since his arrival to the city he had been meticulously picking items for an outfit. Bow placed the menu down and pursed her lips a bit. She noticed there was something strange going on with her little brother.

 Johan began to hum along to the music playing on his phone. “Sinatra? I didn’t know you were a fan of crooners?” Bow tilted her head.

 “I never said I wasn’t.” Johan ignored her, his attention was on his reflection.. “When in Rome do as the Romans did.” In this case New York. Johan shook his head, struggling between a few options. Bow could see through his nonchalant response that something was up. It was time to do what she did best as his big sister and a mother of almost five.

 Probe like the last colonoscopy she oversaw last week. “So where are you going?” Johan seemed to freeze. Dreaded words filled with a sneaky accusation.

 “Just...going to grab a local cup of coffee, you know truly submerge myself in New York culture.” He avoided her big sister/motherly gaze. It was as potent as the lasso of truth. “When I was back in France I drank nothing but the local wines, I really got a deep appreciation for the agriculture and taste of the country.”  

 “I’m pretty sure that coffee you’ve been drinking is imported from Cuba.” Wonder Woman Bow smirked a little, Johan flinched, she knew? No she couldn’t have known...lucky guess. “Well whoever you’re meeting have fun, you should invite them to the luncheon tomorrow.”

 “Yes because spending an afternoon with pill pushing pharmaceutical slaves under the health care regime is even more fun with friends.” Johan grabbed his wallet and started out the door. He was met with a finger being pointed at him.

 “See, this is why I’m the favorite.” And on that note, he was out.

 Morning rush in New York happened around the hours of 8am-9. These were the times business men were hopping on the Metro North to get to the city. School buses were trying to beat the public transportation overload and most importantly, shops were cranking out coffee and breakfast like machines. After that it was a dead zone until lunch time. Usnavi kept his shop open even after the morning rush; the routine was he was open no matter what. The chance of losing just one customer could make the difference between meeting rent or not. A man like Usnavi was hard working and wasted not a single opportunity to turn a profit from every customer. Sonny knew for a fact if he was a more reliable employee Usnavi might be inclined to take a break.

 The door creaked open around eleven o’clock and Usnavi was in the back moving things around from the refrigerator. He balanced a screwdriver between his teeth while he meddled with the finicky cooling component of the cheap cooler. “Good Morning” he muttered. After a few more seconds of messing around and a few grease stains later he emerged from the back.“Sorry about that, I hope you weren’t waiting…” He spoke, and very slowly the head of hair he was talking to turned and Johan smiled at him. Usnavi froze in mid-stride. He was …back.

“Bonjour.” Johan smiled, having internally slapped himself. Was that the best he came up with? Usnavi still silent, Johan managed to recovered. “That coffee is worth the trip, I don’t know what is in that yellow container but its potent.”

 “Well it is what keeps folks in the barrio moving.” Usnavi finally found his voice as the waves of shock subsided. “I’ll get you started.” Usnavi went around the counter and felt …nervous? He made coffee millions no billions of times. He had been brewing by the time his mother taught him how to reach the stove. All of this was second nature so why of all times did his hand shake now? He felt eyes on him and the shakes intensified. Usnavi made the poor mistake of looking up and found he was right, Johan was looking right at him. “Heh” his lips twitched trying to hold a smile together. All of the sudden his fingers malfunctioned and the coffee scoop (filled with fine ground up coffee powder) slipped out of grasp. The fine brown espresso powder scattered all over the ground. What a waste, and more important, Johan saw the whole thing. “Mierda” he hissed bending over to retrieve it.

 Johan tried not to laugh, he didn’t know Spanish but he damn knew that ‘mierda’ sounded a lot like ‘merde’. He tilted his head watching Usnavi bend over and search the floor for his coffee scoop. Without thinking his eyes slid up from his legs and settled on something…else. He had a nice a-- woah! Johan noticed Usnavi was standing upright now and he had his eyes clearly on the man’s behind. He wrenched his head away quickly. Luckily for him, Usnavi didn’t seem to have noticed where Johan’s eyes had gone. What he did notice was what a nice profile Johan had. A strong jaw, perfectly groomed facial hair, long lashes, a regal yet strangely cute nose. Not to mention that hair that framed him so well, some men were just born good looking. Usnavi wasn’t one of them in his eyes but he didn’t complain having one to look at.

 After an unsuccessful few tries he finally got Johan’s coffee ready and placed it in front of him. Before Johan could reach for the coffee Usnavi spoke up, “On the house.” Usnavi rarely did that, last time he gave someone something on the house was…he turned around going back to work; figuring Johan wanted to be on his way.

 Instead, Johan stared down at the coffee. Personally he would have been offended someone giving him a hand out. He was more than financially capable. There would have been a lecture about his brotherhood and his integrity had it been someone else. There was something genuinely sweet Usnavi had tried to do. Something like that wasn’t common in Johan’s life, little acts of honest-to-god sweetness. “Is generosity common trait of New York City?”

 Usnavi perked up, Johan didn’t leave right away. Usnavi didn’t dare believe he actually wanted to hang around the store. If he could keep his company a bit longer, he was going to try. “Depends where you look.” He spoke casually, moving around the assortment of knickknacks he sold behind the counter. “I like to think the city is filled with undiscovered bits of generosity.”

 “I wish I had the navigational know-how to show me this ‘undiscovered bits.’ ” Johan realized only after he spoke, there was an invitation in his sentence, one he didn’t take back. “This city is a little confusing for someone like me, the streets of Paris were so...how do I say, si simpliste” The accent brought that warm smile to Usnavi’s face. Would he take the invitation?

 It was a shame Usnavi was dense. “It's not too hard, New York is on a grid, once you know up and down you can get most anywhere. I can get you a map if you want?”

 He was too dense, it was painfully innocent. Johan was a bit discouraged that Usnavi didn’t seem to take the hit...Johan himself didn’t know why he had said those things. What was he hoping for? “Thanks, uh...I’ll take it from here.” Johan seemed a little embarrassed. He got his hopes up for something he didn’t even know he wanted. He turned and walked out of the store quickly, hoping to leave his embarrassment behind.

 Usnavi watched him go, following him with his eyes until he was out of sight. Usnavi stared at the window for a while, overcome with a feeling of...loss. In that instance he felt both anxious and stuck. He felt like he had to run or something but at the same time his legs were stiff, his feet planted on the ground. Where would he go if he allowed his body to move? Where did he want to go? His urges of action came few and far between, he was a man of routine. There were moments though, moments that moved him into action.

The big haired Californian was looking around, walking up the avenue watching for any signs. He actually had no idea where he was headed. “Wait!” Johan turned around and saw the Hispanic store owner run towards him. By the time he caught up with Johan, Usnavi was well out of breath. Johan had no idea what he was doing, neither did Usnavi. But the moment was decided when Usnavi chose Johan over his store. “I...I would feel really bad if you got lost in the Heights.” Usnavi looked up at him, this was probably the closest they had stood next to each other. Usnavi was a small guy but now he felt like he had shrank. “If that's ok, with you.” He stood there, nerves bouncing inside him. A part of him wanted to go back the store. The safety of what he knew.

 “Of course, lead the way.” Johan brought the cup to his mouth and sipped, masking the huge grin on his face.

______________________

 “Sonny?!” A stocky, tall, tanned skinned man with a loose fitting button up came running towards the store front. He found Sonny sitting with his head between his knees. “Sonny I got the call, this better be an emergency. I just left Nina with teething one year old who has intense diaper rash and is going through a post nap time cranky fit.” He didn't respond, “Sonny?...”

 “Benny…” Sonny spoke with his head down still. “Look at the store and tell me what you see?”

 Benny scratched his head and looked it over. Nothing seemed out of place, the grate was down, the windows seemed intact. “I think your a/c is busted” He pointed to steam coming out the side of the shop.

 “No, its closed Benny. The store is closed.” Sonny looked up at him with watery eyes, slowly Benny’s eyes widened in realization. “B-Benny, Usnavi never closes shop. Ever. Not now! Lunch rush is coming up soon. And like...I’ve tried calling his phone and nada, nothing, zippo. I think something happened to him, man!” He got to his feet and started pacing and mumbling.

 “Did you call the cops?”

 “Oh yeah I’m going to call the cops to search for a missing Hispanic guy? Here lemme take out my joint while I’m at it to!” He shook his head. “Cops won’t do anything but arrest him, this is 2017 Benny! Trump’s America!” Benny rolled his eyes, he didn’t keep up with the social justice movements. As long as his friends and family were safe he tried to stay out of the mess that their country was getting itself into. Though, he was mildly curious about the joint. “Aye dios mio, mi primo, aye primo…” Sonny clutched his chest in worry. “USNAVI! WHERE ARE YOU, MY MAN” He suddenly yelled out into the air, forcing Benny to take several steps away from him. The idea of counseling Sonny to deal with his rationally was replaced by an elderly man pushing a shaved ice cart.

 “Estan buscando señor Usnavi?” The Piragua man smiled peacefully.

 “Yea we are, also can I get cherry?” Benny took out a dollar, figuring he might as well treat himself. “Have you seen Usnavi?”

 The old man took his time shaving the ice with his steel shaver, shaping it into a cone shape and dousing it with thick, red cherry syrup. Sonny was sweating bullets by the time he spoke, handing the treat to Benny. “He’s down a few blocks at, de Washington parque. I saw him talking to another señor, tall man. Un hombre peludo.” He made a fluffing gesture over his head with his hand.

 “Gracias.” Benny smiled then turned back at Sonny who was narrowing his eyes. At least he wasn’t about to cry. “See?” Benny ignored the straw and spoon; he bit off a chunk of ice at the tip and swallowed. “Usnavi is fine.”

 “...why did he close the store to go to the park? And who is the hairy man?” Sonny looked over at Benny. Benny started to chew a bit slower.

 “Usnavi never takes a break...man hasn’t taken a break from working the store since…” He wasn’t going to even attempt to do the math on that one.

 “Yo, let’s go check out the park, if we book it we can see if they’re still there!” Sonny grabbed Benny’s arm and tugged.

 The larger man let out a soft chuckle, “Sonny, I gotta get back to Nina.”

 “Come on, your kid will still be there when you get back. Don’t tell me ya not dying to know who the hell got Usnavi to take a break.” Sonny wiggled his eyebrow. Benny weighed his options, go back to his cranky wife and child or ...take a few more minutes from his day to indulge in the ol’ fashion tomfoolery of the barrio. “That’s what I thought.” Sonny smirked, feeling Benny’s arm relax. “Vamos”

________

The park wasn’t actually called the Washington Bridge Park, it was actually named J.Hood Wright Park. However it was located in Washington Heights and overlooked the edge of the city, having a near flawless sight of the bridge. The playground was also inspired by the Washington Bridge, white and mint green steel bars were built in the shape of the bridge. It was a great place for kids who wanted to climb, but that aside it had the common perks of most parks. Swings, sprinklers but Usnavi remembered it mainly for the sights. On the way to the park he had pointed out little things, the track and field center, and the best places to get a slice of pizza. When they got to the park, Usnavi popped a squat on a swing, most of the playground empty since kids were still at school in early June.

 “It doesn’t look like much but this park as one of the nicest views.” He smiled, “I’m sure parks in California are better...and in France right?”

 “Well.” Johan ran a napkin over the swing seat before sitting down too. “Growing up my parents never allowed my sister and I to partake in the joys of going to a playground. They uh, said that playgrounds were the government's way of justifying their blatant destruction of trees and natural resources for artificial outdoor entertainment.” He rolled his eyes; it was so typical of his parents to have these beliefs.

 Usnavi nodded slowly not sure what half of that even meant. “...yeah I wasn’t big on playgrounds. I helped my dad out with the store on my free time. Usually I took a minute or two just to enjoy the view.” ...and now it had been awhile since he did that.  

 “You’ve worked in that store a long time, huh?” He knew for sure he couldn’t do it. Johan always wanted to be on the move. One minute he was there, next somewhere else, the world was his high way and he was in a high speed chase in life. Sticking around in anything for too long wasn’t his style. “I don’t know how you do it.”

 An extremely exhausted sigh came out of Usnavi. Johan turned his head and noticed he looked...so tired. In one moment Usnavi aged before Johan’s eyes. The warmth in his greeting, the brightness in his wholesome attitude melted away to a tired man. “It's been in my blood since I got here with my parents as a kid. They made it something out of nothing, now it’s my something to keep going. It’s all I got of theirs.” His eyes closed just as a soft summery wind blew against them. There was a sadness that washed over him. Johan didn’t know what to do, how to bring him back. He didn’t deal with emotions like this before.

 “Well...you’re here.” Johan smiled a bit, it was a bit forced. He didn’t know how to be happy when Usnavi looked so down. “The store might be their investment but their legacy...their lineage thats you. And no matter what you do, you’ll have them with you. You are them…” Usnavi’s eyes slowly opened; there was a thick layer of water that draped over his eyes. “Literally, like you are half of both of your parents’ genetics, so like...you really are them.”

 “Ha!” He laughed out loud, he snorted a bit. He ran his hand over his eyes capturing any tears that had tried to weasel out of his eyes and wiped them away. “...yeah...you right.” His smile returned a bit brighter than before. Their eyes met for a second and they sat there in silence, rocking back and forth on the swings. “So how do you like your first swing set?”

 “The leather is a bit flimsy but you know…” He shifted his butt in the seat and nodded. “I can live with this.”

 The laughter erupted from both of them. It filled the empty playground and the ears of two eager onlookers. “Why are they just sittin’ around in a park?” Benny spoke between the last few bits of his cherry slush. “Why would Usnavi close up shop just to creep around in the park with some dude?”

 “I can’t believe this…” Sonny pressed his face up against the fence listening to their laugher, watching the way they looked at eachother as it died down. “Don’t tell me you don’t see this shit?” Benny shook his head a bit. “You don’t see what I’m seein?!” Sonny motioned to them. “Look them, cozying up by the swings, laughing like this is some high school musical shit. I swear they are two seconds away from breaking out in song and dance about how life is wonderful.” Sonny knew that look, he was around his cousin enough to know that look. He had seen that looked before.

“Wait you don’t mean…”

 “Como no!? Miralo!” He motioned as Usnavi and Johan moved from the swings and started walking towards the back fence where the park looked out over the Hudson. “He’s even taking him where the trees are probably making a move.”

 “Makes sense why things with Vanessa didn’t work out...actually come to think of it, I should have seen this coming.” Benny finished off his slush and shrugged. “Ok so Usnavi bats for the Mets and not the Yankees, what's the big deal?”

 “What is th---when things didn’t work out with Vanessa after all that went down that summer, he was crazy.” Benny shook his head as Sonny began to elaborate. “Benny, you don’t get it. He was super ...just...upset and took it out on me for 3 months straight. He had me scrubbin’ the bottom of the coolers until one night I found his ass eating four pints of Ben&Jerry’s in the corner of the store.”

 “Wow.” Four pints, that was a lot even for a guy Benny’s size. “So what are you...saying this is a bad thing?”

 “It is if it don’t work out. I can’t take another heartbreak.” The young man whined.

 Benny shook his head patting Sonny’s back. “I’m so glad you’re looking out for Usnavi.” He muttered sarcastically. “Look, if it happens it happens. I always told Usnavi he’s his worst enemy. He doesn’t know how to make moves and frankly he ain’t go no skills.” Personally Benny would have be surprised if things had worked out between Usnavi and Vanessa. Once she officially moved downtown Usnavi ...didn’t seem to chase her. It was the same when Nina and Benny moved a few blocks away, they rarely saw Usnavi like they use to. The man was literally cemented to his corner. “Ok. I know what we gotta do.” He grabbed Sonny by the back of the shirt and peeled him off the fence.

 Usnavi and Johan talked casually. They spoke about the little things that didn’t seem to have too much weight. They compared the weather, taxes, occasionally Johan said something that flew over Usnavi’s head and there was a lot of nodded and blank smiling involved. But there was never a moment neither one wasn’t engaged. Usnavi listened with a smile and Johan hung on every word Usnavi said. “So ...your parents named you U.S. Navy?” Johan stifled a laugh and glanced up at the sky. He could feel Usnavi’s glare on him.

 “Yes, laugh it up.” Usnavi pouted, throwing his hand up in the air. This wasn’t the first time someone had to comment on his name. “My parents were so excited about the country they named me US Navy.”

 “That’s…”

 “Stupid, I know. Trust me you’re not the first person to think that. It's annoying to explain, annoying to correct people, it's annoying to live with but I’ve gone practically three decades like this so what.” This was just bringing him back to being a child again and having kids poke and probe at his name and origin.

 “I was going to say it's adorable.” Johan responded sweetly after Usnavi went off on his small tangent. “I mean my parents named my sister Rainbow and me, Johan. It's like they didn’t try with my sister, and semi tried. Like I feel like John was their initial idea then they just got weird with it.”

 “Johan is a lot easier to say.” Usnavi’s voice was dull. His mouth stuck in a seldom, little pout that broke Johan’s heart in ways he didn’t think possible. Why did a grown man evoke so many childlike feelings in him?

 “I rather say your name.” Johan responded, he wanted to erase that pout. For both Usnavi’s sake and Johan’s own heart. “Usnavi.” He very slowly and articulately said his name. There was a noticeable response from Usnavi. His body tensed up and his mouth released itself from its pout. Instead it was pursed together in a hard line meanwhile his body suffered from a jittery, nerve tingling sensation that crawled up his spine. He felt like fire ants were conga lining up and down his back and around his face. Hot and almost static like pains that set his heart fluttering. He was speechless. He never liked his name but god did it sound nice coming from Johan’s mouth. He wanted to hear it again.

 “USNAVI!”

 Usnavi blinked up at Johan, that wasn’t his voice. “S-Sonny!?” His heart was now racing for another reason entirely. “BENNY? His panic increased tenfold now.

 “Sup’” Benny didn’t look too happy, his eyes went right to Johan. Clearly, he was sizing this man up. Benny and Sonny made their ways towards Johan. The taller man glanced at Usnavi as if saying ‘what is happening?’

 Usnavi gave him an apologetic smile, which was short, lived since Sonny decided to plant himself in front of Usnavi breaking their wordless conversation of gazes. “So I don’t think we ever got around to introducin’ ourselves. I’m Sonny, Sonny De La Vega. Usnavi’s little and beloved cousin.” From the way Usnavi was glaring at the back of his younger cousin’s head he was going to be his beloved, dead cousin. “You?”

 “Johan, Johan Johnson.” He nodded holding out his hand but Sonny didn’t take it. Instead it was met with the strong and irony vice grip of Benny. He shook Johan’s hand once and got his knuckles to pop. A small wince graced Johan’s face. “Hello.” He tried to smile but Benny’s harden face was thoroughly intimidating. They were roughly the same height but Benny’s aura made him seem like a giant.

 “Name is Benny.” He released Johan’s hand and smirked. “Just Benny. Usnavi is a dear and near friend of mine. Godfather to my baby girl. Mi compadre.” He pulled Usnavi front and center, placing his arm around his small shoulders. “So, tell me Johan what are your intentions with our Navi? Where are you from? What do you do for a living?” He shot typical fatherly questions, getting a lesson of overprotective parenting from his father in-law. He considered this practice for the inevitable future of his daughter.

 “YO.” Usnavi hissed shoving Benny aside, which really did nothing but Benny moved accordingly. “Cut it out.” He grumbled between his teeth. He pulled Benny aside and started cussing him out in Spanish keeping his voice hushed. They left a very confused Johan to the mercy of Sonny.

 “So like, if you’re gonna be in New York for a while, you should come to my graduation party” Sonny’s invitation forced Usnavi and Benny to look at him and share a unison, ‘QUE?’ “I’m graduating community college with honors, which like…isn’t big or anything but not a lot of people in our hood get to do it. So Usnavi is throwing me a party at his place” Sonny blushed a bit, “if you’re around you should pop by.”

 “Graduating is a big feat no matter the schooling.” Johan nodded, this was a good chance to see how Usnavi lived. Get to know the people around him; get to know him most importantly. That was something he could not pass up. “I’d love to go.”

 “Cool, I’ll tell Navi to cough up his digits, he can message you the address and time.” Sonny turned around with his back to Johan. He stared down his cousin’s face of frozen horror with a lazy smirk. “Anyway, I gotta get going. Lunch rush is startin’ soon, gotta open the store.” Sonny walked off with his hands behind his head.

 Benny nodded; impressed Sonny had sly skills to hook up his cousin. Anyone who knew Usnavi knew he was never going to give up his phone number just like that. “I’m heading out too, Nina is probably going to rip my head off if I don’t go back. See you around Usnavi” His smile turned into a hard line as he addressed Johan next, “You too.”

 “They seem nice.” The way Johan said that made it hard to infer whether it was sarcasm or not. Usnavi was still horrified over what happened. Processing everything like a slow dial-up computer, if Johan listened really well he could hear the AOL loading sound coming from Usnavi’s brain. “I look forward to the party. We should probably exchange numbers…that is if you’re alright with me going. I assume this is a family and close friends’ event. I’d understand if you feel uncomfortable having a complete stranger attending.”

 The problem wasn’t Johan attending. The problem was Johan was going to be in a room of people, that Usnavi barely knew how to deal with himself. At his own house “No… I, uh, its fine, the more the merrier right?” Usnavi’s fingers trembled as he pulled out his dated iPhone 4s from his pocket. He couldn’t bring himself to ask for Johan’s number. “Here” he muttered holding the phone out in front of him, his face and eyes casted to the side unable to look at him. Very delicately Johan took the ancient piece of Apple technology and inputted his number into the phone. While he was at it, he sent himself a message and in return had Usnavi’s number. Just in case the man decided never to speak to him again. Just as carefully he plopped the phone back in Usnavi’s open palm.

 “I’ll see you then.” Johan had long finished his coffee, but he held the cup to his face as a censor to his glowing smile. It did little to mask his full, toothy grin. Those perfectly, pearly whites in the most wholesome of smiles made Usnavi twitch where he stood.

 “See you then.” Usnavi nodded in agreement. Johan walked off, and like the first time Usnavi followed him with his eyes. He watched as Johan paused at a corner, the light was for him to cross but he stood there. Probably lost, Usnavi thought to himself. The taller man was only proving to be more and more adorable as Usnavi picked apart his every move. To his surprise he started walking again, barely catching the light. By the time he vanished from his sight, Usnavi’s phone buzzed. He had several missed calls and unanswered messages from Sonny. He ignored them all.

 There was one message that he could not ignore. A message from a ‘Johan’ and it read.

 [  See you :)  ]

 Usnavi walked with his nose in his phone. He reread the message several times. Was Johan excited to see him again? Is that why he texted him? Or was this just a reminder to send him the address; did that count as being excited? Was Johan as strangely excited as he was? Probably not. Usnavi knew his feelings had a knack of getting away from him. Still…he reread that message the whole way back. Not bothering to look up and watch where he was going. He entered his, now open, store looking up with a dazed smile. “Uh…” The smile was short-lived when he was met by Sonny and Benny.

 Both men were standing by his counter, arms crossed, smirking widely with millions of questions burning in their eyes. “So?” Benny wiggled his eyebrow.

 Crap, Usnavi wasn’t prepared for the full force interrogation that was about to commence. He tucked his phone into his back pocket and prepared himself for the worse.

[womenofcolor15]

SOMEBODY GET BOBBY LOVE A MOVIE DEAL, STAT! Escaped Convict Turned Family Man Tells 'Humans Of NY' How A 40-Year-Old Secret He Kept From His Wife Almost Ruined Their Lives

Bobby Love – aka Walter Miller – and his wife Cheryl Love share how a 40-year-old secret almost ruined their lives in the newest Humans of New York Instagram posts. Get a peek into how it all almost came crumbling down in an instant inside….

This was the best story roll out we've seen on the 'Gram in a while, and it even had celebs like Jennifer Garner commenting on every post in shock and suspense.  

          View this post on Instagram

                  (1/11) “It was just a normal morning. Almost exactly five years ago. I was making tea in the kitchen. Bobby was still in bed. And we get this knock on the door. I opened it up slowly, and saw the police standing there. At first I wasn’t worried. We had this crazy lady that lived next door, and the police were always checking up on her. So I assumed they had the wrong address. But the moment I opened the door, twelve officers came barging past me. Some of them had ‘FBI’ written on their jackets. They went straight back to the bedroom, and walked up to Bobby. I heard them ask: ‘What’s your name?’ And he said, ‘Bobby Love.’ Then they said, ‘No. What’s your real name?’ And I heard him say something real low. And they responded: 'You've had a long run.' That’s when I tried to get into the room. But the officer kept saying: ‘Get back, get back. You don’t know who this man is.’ Then they started putting him in handcuffs. It didn’t make any sense. I’d been married to Bobby for forty years. He didn’t even have a criminal record. At this point I’m crying, and I screamed: ‘Bobby, what’s going on?’ Did you kill somebody?’ And he tells me: ‘This goes way back, Cheryl. Back before I met you. Way back to North Carolina.’”

A post shared by Humans of New York (@humansofny) on Feb 5, 2020 at 6:53am PST

  Bobby Love and his wife Cheryl Love lived a good life together. They were married for forty years and raised four children. However, they’re happy home almost came tumbling down after the police showed up at their home one morning.

In 2015, Cheryl Love was making tea in the kitchen of her Brooklyn home when someone came knocking on her door. She opened the door and was met with a heavy police presence, including the FBI.

At first, Cheryl didn’t think much of it because there was a “crazy lady that lived next door, and the police were always checking up on her.” So, Cheryl assumed they had the wrong home…until she realized they were exactly where they wanted to be.

          View this post on Instagram

                  (2/11) “Back in the day my name was Walter Miller. It was a pretty normal childhood. We grew up poor, but nothing really dramatic happened until I went to a Sam Cooke concert at the age of fourteen. I was excited to be at that concert, so I pushed my way to the front row—right near the stage. The crowd was really moving, because it was dance music. And Sam Cooke didn’t like that. He kept telling people to sit down. And after only two songs, he got so angry that he walked off the stage. So I screamed at the top of my lungs: ‘Sam Cooke ain’t shit!’ And in North Carolina, back in 1964, that was enough to get me arrested for disorderly conduct. Things went downhill pretty quick after that. My mother was raising eight kids on her own, so she couldn’t control me. I got into all sorts of trouble. I lifted purses from unlocked cars. I was stealing government checks out of mailboxes. I got bolder and bolder, until one day I got busted stealing from the band room at school. They shipped me off to a juvenile detention center called Morrison Training School. I hated everything about that place. The food was terrible. The kids were violent. I still have scars from all the times I got beat up. Every night, while I was falling asleep, I could hear the whistle of a freight train in the distance. And I always wanted to know where that train was going. So one night, when the guard turned his back to check the clock, I ran out the back door-- toward the sound of that whistle. And that was the first place I ever escaped from.”

A post shared by Humans of New York (@humansofny) on Feb 5, 2020 at 8:20am PST

  The police and FBI agents hauled her husband Bobby Love away. But why? Well, Cheryl learned about a 40-year secret her husband had kept from her. Bobby Love was actually Walter Miller – a small time bank robber who escaped from a North Carolina prison and had been on the run since 1977.

”I heard them ask: ‘What’s your name?’ And he said, ‘Bobby Love.’ Then they said, ‘No. What’s your real name?’ And I heard him say something real low. And they responded: 'You've had a long run,’” Cheryl shared with Humans of New York.

Humans of New York is a blog that shares crazy stories told by New Yorkers about their lives. Remember the story told by former stripper Ms. Stephanie aka Tanqueray? If not, get her story HERE.

Back to Bobby…

Before Bobby and Cheryl met, the convict-turned-family man was one of seven kids. His mother had a hard time keeping him under control because she had so many kids, so he was out in these streets acting up. He used to steal purses from unlocked cars and he stole government checks out of mailboxes. One day, he got caught stealing from the band room at school and was sent to juvenile detention.

          View this post on Instagram

                  (3/11) “I followed those train tracks all the way to Washington DC. And for a minute, it seemed like everything would be alright. My brother lived in the city, so I started sleeping at his place. I enrolled in a new high school. I was going to class. Playing a little basketball. Things were going smooth. But I hadn’t learned my lesson yet. My old ways caught up with me, and I fell in with the wrong group of kids. These guys were robbing banks—and getting away with it. So I decided to tag along. We’d drive down to North Carolina because those banks had less security. And we got away with it a few times. After every score, we’d hang out on the strip at 14th and T, and act like big timers. We felt like gangsters. I have nobody to blame but myself. I just enjoyed the feeling of having money. But the fun didn’t last for long. Because one of those banks had a silent alarm. And while we were stuffing our bags full of money, the manager pulled the trigger. The police were waiting for us in the parking lot. All hell broke loose. I tried to get away, ducking and weaving, running through cars. But I got shot in the buttocks. The bullet went right through me. I woke up in the hospital-- with a hole in the front and back of my coat.”

A post shared by Humans of New York (@humansofny) on Feb 5, 2020 at 9:27am PST

  One day, he decided he would escape from prison and that’s what he did. He followed some train tracks from North Carolina to Washington D.C. and ended up moving in his with brother. He enrolled in a new high school and everything was seemingly good.

Bobby started hanging with a group of kids who would drive to North Carolina to rob banks since they had less security. They got away with it a few times, until one day they robbed a bank that had a silent alarm and the cops met them in the parking lot. While trying to escape, he got shot in the butt and he woke up in a hospital bed.

          View this post on Instagram

                  (4/11) “It was all over for Walter Miller. The judge sentenced me to twenty-five to thirty years. I held out hope for awhile. I was doing appeals. I kept hoping to win on a technicality, or at least get a new trial with a better lawyer. But I kept hitting dead ends. And reality soon set in-- I was going away for a very long time. They sent me to a maximum security facility called Central Prison. Gun towers and everything. There was no way out, so I sorta got used to it. My mama died during this time, and that really shook me up. Because my entire life she’d been praying for me to turn my life around. And she never got to see it happen. So I committed myself to doing better. I became the perfect inmate. I never had a mark on my record. My behavior was so good that they transferred me down the hill to a minimum security facility. This place was more like a camp. They still had gun towers and everything, but there was a lot of freedom. They let us walk around the yard. We could make phone calls. I even had my own radio show. It was a lot of fun. I recorded it every Wednesday, and they played it on the local college station. I was relaxed. I was feeling good. I had no plans to escape.”

A post shared by Humans of New York (@humansofny) on Feb 5, 2020 at 10:36am PST

            View this post on Instagram

                  (5/11) “Everything changed for me when someone screamed ‘punk ass’ at the prison captain. He was walking through the parking lot. It was early in the morning, and it was still dark, so he couldn’t see who did it. I was working in the kitchen, so there was no way it could be me. But the captain said that he recognized my voice—and he wrote me up. After that he started picking on me. I tried to keep my head low. But the more I tried to do good, the more I got punished. He wrote me up for all kinds of phony things. He accused me of stealing a newspaper. He accused me of faking sick. The negative reports kept piling up, until I was one mark away from being sent back up the hill. And that’s when they started putting me on the road. It was the worst job in the prison. They’d call your name before sunrise, and you had to get on this bus. Then they’d drive you all over Raleigh to clean trash off the highways. It was awful. People would be throwing hamburgers and milkshakes at you. And it was almost winter, so it was starting to get cold. That’s when I started planning and plotting. I saved up my money. I memorized the bus route. I noticed that we always stopped at a certain intersection—right next to a wooded area. And I figured I could make that distance in no time at all. I also noticed that the guard who worked on Tuesday never searched the prisoners as they boarded the bus. So one Monday night, while we were watching the Colts game on TV, I made the decision. That was going to be my last night in prison.”

A post shared by Humans of New York (@humansofny) on Feb 5, 2020 at 12:01pm PST

  Bobby went to court and a judge sentenced him to twenty-five to thirty years in prison. He was sent to a maximum security prison called Central Prison. He eventually escaped by flinging open the rear exit of a prison transport bus, hopped on Greyhound bus (thanks to a man who bought him a ticket) and made his way to New York.

  While on the bus to New York, a woman was making small talk with him and asked him his name.

  “She asked me my name. I thought for a moment, and said: ‘Bobby Love.’ And that was the death of Walter Miller,” Bobby told Humans of New York.

Bobby made it to New York in November 1977 with $100 in small bills, a single pair of clothes and a brand new name. Bobby was able to get a social security card and then a driver’s license thanks to a few people who “overlooked” documents he didn’t have. He ended up getting a job in the cafeteria at Baptist Medical Center and that’s where he met Cheryl.

          View this post on Instagram

                  (6/11) “I cleaned out my locker before I went to sleep. I wanted to leave nothing behind. No phone numbers. No addresses. Nothing they could use to find me quick. Because I worked at the radio station, I was allowed a single pair of civilian clothes. I put those on beneath my prison garments and wore everything to bed. I didn’t sleep a wink that night. Every three hours the guards did a head count, and I kept seeing that flashlight shine on the wall. When the sun finally came up, I jumped out of bed and splashed water on my face. Then I glanced out the window. The careless guard was stationed at the gate. The one who never patted down the prisoners. So I said: ‘That’s it, I’m leaving.’ I got on the bus and went to the very back row, right next to the emergency exit. It was a five minute drive to the wooded area. As we slowed down for a stop, I swung open the back door-- and I was gone. I could hear the alarm blaring behind me, but I didn’t look back. I peeled off my green clothes and just kept running. The sweat was coming off me. I looked like trouble, so I did my best to keep out of the white neighborhoods. Every time I passed a brother, I asked for directions to the Greyhound station. Everyone kept telling me: ‘Keep going, keep going, keep going.’ When I finally got there, I found a brother in the parking lot who agreed to buy me a one way ticket to New York. I waited until the last minute. I jumped on the bus right as the driver was closing the door. Then I slunk down in my seat while we drove out of Raleigh. Once we got on the highway, the girl next to me started making small talk. She asked me my name. I thought for a moment, and said: ‘Bobby Love.’ And that was the death of Walter Miller.”

A post shared by Humans of New York (@humansofny) on Feb 5, 2020 at 1:19pm PST

            View this post on Instagram

                  (7/11) “Bobby Love arrived in New York in late November, 1977. I was glad to be free, but I was still in a tough spot. I had to build a life from scratch. All I had was $100 in small bills, a single pair of clothes, and a brand new name. I moved into a fleabag hotel, and for two weeks I survived on hotdogs and marijuana. Then my money ran out and I started sleeping on the trains. I had to figure out a way to get a foothold in life. I wasn’t even a person. I had no papers, no ID, no nothing. Believe it or not, the first thing I got was a social security number. I walked up to the window and told the lady a story about losing everything, and she gave me a card. On the spot. I still have it today. Next I got hold of an original birth certificate, scratched out the name, and typed ‘Bobby Love’ on the line. Then I took it to a print shop and copied it so many times that it didn’t look fake anymore. It didn’t take me long to find a brother at the funeral home who agreed to notarize it. He wouldn’t sign it, but he’d stamp it. And that was enough for me-- because I found a brother at the DMV who pretended not to notice. And that’s how I got my drivers license. Then I used all my new papers to get a job working in the cafeteria of the Baptist Medical Center. And that’s where I met Cheryl.”

A post shared by Humans of New York (@humansofny) on Feb 5, 2020 at 2:31pm PST

  Bobby NEVER told Cheryl about his past (even though his family encouraged him to) and he said she never really pressed him about it. They got married in 1985 and raised four kids together.

Throughout their marriage, Cheryl said she felt something was missing. There was no affection in their relationship even though the sex was amazing. By Christmas 2014, Cheryl had “reached the end of my rope” and she prayed God would change her husband’s heart. That was a few weeks before the arrest went down.

          View this post on Instagram

                  (8/11) “Cheryl was innocent. The opposite of me. And that’s why I was so attracted to her. I never wanted to date someone like myself: who drank, and smoked, and had a past. Cheryl was soft. Almost naïve in a way. I never told her about my history, and she didn’t really press me. I did tell her that I grew up in the South-- which was true. And that I’d come to New York City to try something new. That was true too. But I never told her about Walter Miller. I didn’t see the need. Walter died a long time ago, on that Greyhound bus out of Raleigh. I was a new man. I was Bobby Love now. And if that was enough for her, why complicate things? We got married in 1985. Time went by. We raised four children together. I just couldn’t risk it. My family in North Carolina kept telling me: ‘You’ve got to come clean. You’ve got to tell her.’ But they didn’t know my wife. Not like I did. Cheryl is a righteous woman. Most people, when they see a dollar dropped on the street, will put it in their pocket. But not Cheryl. She will stop everyone on the sidewalk, looking for the owner. She’s that kind of woman. And that’s not the kind of woman who could keep a secret like this. I’m not trying to say that she’d have called the cops on me. But she’d have made me call the cops on myself. She’d turn up the heat. So I just couldn’t tell her about Walter Miller. And there was no need. Bobby Love didn’t have a criminal record. Bobby Love was a family man. Bobby Love was a deacon at his church. Every Sunday our pastor would preach about forgetting the past, and forgiving ourselves, and looking ahead. And that’s exactly what I was doing. That part of my life was buried back in North Carolina. And it wasn’t coming back.“

A post shared by Humans of New York (@humansofny) on Feb 5, 2020 at 3:37pm PST

            View this post on Instagram

                  (9/11) “There was a piece missing. All these years I loved my husband. And he loved me— but something was missing. First, he never liked to be in photographs. And he always thought people were watching him. But I just thought it was vanity. I kept saying: ‘C’mon, Bobby. You aren’t that exclusive.’ But then there was the deeper stuff. We had some beautiful love making. But other than that, there wasn’t much affection. Not many hugs. Not much cuddling. Not much communication. I could only get so close and he’d shut down. Sometimes, when we were arguing, I’d be pouring myself out to him. And he’d just sit there with a scowl on his face. I thought it was me. I kept thinking: ‘Maybe he doesn’t want to be here.’ But Bobby was a provider. He was always working two or three jobs. He’d cook, and do laundry, and spend time with the kids. I thought to myself: ‘Everyone is different. People have different upbringings. This might be how Bobby shows love.’ But it was hard. It wore me down. I cried so many tears about it. I remember during Christmas of 2014, I was on my knees in church, saying: ‘Lord, please, I can’t do this anymore.’ I begged God to change my husband’s heart. I’d reached the end of my rope. That was a few weeks before everything went down.“

A post shared by Humans of New York (@humansofny) on Feb 5, 2020 at 4:40pm PST

  The life Cheryl knew came crashing down right before her eyes when the police showed up at her Brooklyn home.

"Bobby’s arrest was all over the papers,” Cherly said. “It seemed like the whole city was laughing at me. People at church would pull me aside, and whisper: ‘You knew about this right? You had to know.’ But I never knew. Forty years of marriage, four grown children, and I never knew. How could I be so stupid? I wanted to hide. I wanted to disappear.”

Mrs. Love said she knew she loved Bobby when she realized she still wanted to comfort him during this time. However, she wasn't going to continue to accept the bullsh*t.

”The whole world knows now. We’ve got no secrets. But I think this whole mess was for the better of things: better for me, better for the kids, and better for Bobby. He doesn’t have to hide anymore. He can look at me when I’m speaking. Not only that, he’s hearing me too. My voice is heard. I used to walk on eggshells. I used to just go along. But I told him one thing. I said: ‘Bobby, I’ll take you back. But I’m not taking a backseat to you no more.’ Because I got my own story to tell. I can write a book too. I might not have escaped from prison, and started a whole new life, and hid it from my family. But I forgave the man who did,’” she shared.

          View this post on Instagram

                  (10/11) “My world came crashing down. Bobby’s arrest was all over the papers. It seemed like the whole city was laughing at me. People at church would pull me aside, and whisper: ‘You knew about this right? You had to know.’ But I never knew. Forty years of marriage, four grown children, and I never knew. How could I be so stupid? I wanted to hide. I wanted to disappear. When I went to work that first day, everyone was gathered around the front desk. And they got real quiet when I walked in. But I told them: ‘Don’t just stand there. I need some love. Give me some hugs.’ Of course I was embarrassed, but I was more hurt than anything. Bobby had deceived me for all those years. There was no truth in our house. I’m walking past this man every single day. We laughing. We joking. And he’s not telling me anything? I was so angry. But I never hated him. I wanted to comfort him. I wanted to hold his hand. I told Bobby later, ‘That’s how I knew I loved you. Because even in the worst of it, I was thinking about you.’ When I first visited him in prison, he broke down crying. His head was in his hands, and he told me: ‘I know, you’re going to leave me.’ I told him: ‘No Bobby Love, I married you for better or for worse. And right now this is the worst.’”

A post shared by Humans of New York (@humansofny) on Feb 5, 2020 at 5:48pm PST

  Bobby was extradited back to North Carolina where his sentence was later paroled. He was released from prison in 2016 – less than a year after the feds picked him up. His release made headlines too.

          View this post on Instagram

                  (11/11) “I got to work. I wrote letters to the governor. I wrote letters to Obama. I gathered testimonials from everyone that Bobby ever knew: all the kids he used to coach, all the people at our church, all of our family members. I testified on his behalf. I didn’t know a thing about Walter Miller. But I told them all about Bobby Love. And the parole board took mercy. After a year in prison, they let him come home. The day after he was set free, I sat him down and asked: ‘What is it? Are we the Loves? Or are we the Millers?’ And he said: ‘We Love. We Love.’ So I had him change his name legally. And now we’re moving on. I still have my resentments. When we get in a fight, I’ll think: ‘This man better appreciate that I forgave him.’ But the thing is-- I did forgive him. And when I made that decision, I had to accept all the territory that came with it. I can’t make him feel that debt every day of his life. Because that’s not the marriage I want to be in. The whole world knows now. We’ve got no secrets. But I think this whole mess was for the better of things: better for me, better for the kids, and better for Bobby. He doesn’t have to hide anymore. He can look at me when I’m speaking. Not only that, he’s hearing me too. My voice is heard. I used to walk on eggshells. I used to just go along. But I told him one thing. I said: ‘Bobby, I’ll take you back. But I’m not taking a backseat to you no more.’ Because I got my own story to tell. I can write a book too. I might not have escaped from prison, and started a whole new life, and hid it from my family. But I forgave the man who did.”

A post shared by Humans of New York (@humansofny) on Feb 5, 2020 at 6:47pm PST

  The 69-year-old has since changed his name to Bobby Love legally and is focused on trying to put his life back together…with his wife.

Gotta love it!

Photo: Brandon Stanton/Humans of New York

[Read More ...] source http://theybf.com/2020/02/07/bobby-love-speaks-escaped-convict-turned-family-man-explains-how-40-year-old-secret-he-ke

[canaryatlaw]

alright, so today was pretty fun. I woke up at 9:20 when my alarm went off and started getting ready. I was meeting friends at 10, so I figured 20 minutes to get ready, 20 minutes to get there, should be good and I left on schedule. of course it took me more like 7 minutes to get there because the place is actually really close to my house, but I figured there’d be a wait because it’s a pretty popular place and most people are still off. So I figured I’d go put our names on the list, except I walk in and we got empty tables and nobody waiting. Oh. So I get seated at a table by the door and wait for my friends to arrive. It’s this cute little place down by the old village area in like the historic district of my town that’s all just very nostalgic and cute. They have a ton of like, different fun wintery coffee options but also said they had flavored hot chocolate, so I asked what flavors that could be and they basically said whatever we had for the coffee, so I ordered the gingerbread cookie coffee flavors in hot chocolate form and it was so damn good, let me tell you. Friend 1 arrived after not too long, I expected them to come together being that they are twins but they’re both married and don’t live together; apparently they had been planning on it but the other was running late so they decided to come separately, and friend 2 showed up not long afterwards. These are like, the two friends from high school I actually keep up with and make an effort to see when I’m home because I really don't give two shits about anybody else (the only third person would be the guy one of them is married to, so he kinda comes with the package). They’re both currently working as teachers at the school now though, which was a bit of a change for the second as she has a degree in biology and was planning on doing fertility treatments, which she’s still pursuing on the side, but she ended up coming in as a part time english teacher after the last one (who was by far the worst teacher I’ve ever had and she was there for WAY too long) got offended when they moved her to part time because there were less kids in the class and decided to quit, for the good of all humanity (I seriously cannot emphasize enough how shitty of a teacher she was. she was fucking awful. we were supposed to be reading the tragedy of julius caesar like, out loud in class, and it took us 3 fucking months to get through it because she was so incompetent we’d get through like a page a day. it was torture). so I was glad to hear that at least, especially because that teacher would’ve had the class my sister is in, and my sister now has my friend instead, which I’m very thankful for. So we talked about the school of course and what’s going on there with the administration and all that. They of course always had a much better relationship with the school than I ever did to be able to go back and teach there; I mean if I was a teacher I would never even consider working there because I had such a terrible experience as a student there. but yeah, good stuff to discuss, and then we moved onto some of our more typical discussion topics like abortion and foster care and all that good stuff we like to discuss lol. the Ohio heartbeat bill that had just been passed then vetoed then maybe overriden came up and I just of course repeated my position that if you want to decrease abortion, you should remove the need for it from society and change the culture, not decrease access to it, which I think is a solid argument most people can get behind. once we finished breakfast we walked a bit in the little shopping area and ended up in a store that has super cute baby clothing and toys and such. one of them has a ten month old so she was telling us about him and all that fun stuff. I didn’t have anywhere I specifically had to be afterwards so I ended up following her back to her family’s place to see the baby, but he ended up having been taking a nap so we figured we’d save that for another day, so I headed home from there. Not too much was going on at home, my sister had decided she didn’t want to work on college apps today but would do so tomorrow instead, so that wasn’t on the schedule. I forget if I talked on here about it before but she’s decided she wants to go to one of the state schools upstate fairly recently, but still hasn't taken the SAT or started her application, whereas my parents very much want her to stay at home and do the local community college, so that’s gonna be interesting to see play out. so I mostly just chilled for the rest of the day and didn’t do all that much. people came home after work and they had dinner before one of my friends from theatre came and picked me up and we went out to Applebee’s (after another restaurant was way too crowded). We’d been keeping up fairly regularly, she’s one of the only ones I still talk to other than the guy I was with yesterday who was a family friend long before we did theatre together. But this friend is now in her second year of law school, so of course we have a lot to talk about and such. so we talked about passing the bar and it being over, she wants to do like, financial regulation law which tbh I don't even know what that means but she seems to really like it so hey good for her. and yeah, we chatted about all that good stuff and somewhat about how the other people we used to know just have not moved on with their lives whatsoever and we’re just like....we’re so far removed from that now it’s crazy really. so it was a nice time. once we finished she dropped me off and I spent a little bit sitting in my parents room mostly talking to my brother about law related stuff which eventually veered towards the juvenile justice system in comparison to the adult justice system, because NY just recently raised the age for juveniles to automatically be sent to adult court to 18 instead of it being like 16 I think previously, which is insane when there’s literally only one other state that was doing that. but we were talking about a small charge in the adult system versus one in the juvenile system, whereas in a more regulated system like Chicago small charges all go to juvenile court, and the only ones that make it into adult court are the very serious ones (murder, rape, etc.) I still firmly believe there should be a hard limit on not charging kids under 15 as adults, they are children in every sense of the word and treating them like adults is absurd when we literally have an entire fucking system based around addressing the different needs juveniles have than adults and to use the adult system anyway is ridiculous. okay I’m ranting I know, but the point I was getting at was it was actually a fairly civil conversation and I was able to share some of my experiences working with juveniles and how they end up in the situations they did, and I felt like (for once) he was actually listening and thinking about what I was saying rather than just trying to argue with everything that came out of my mouth, so that was a nice change. of course he ended with “well there's not much we can do to help [low income communities riddled with violence] and they can just shoot each other it’s not our problem” at which point I was like, except I work with the incredibly traumatized kids from those communities and it very much is my problem because that’s the work I want to be doing, and I don’t think he gets that, but he seems to be at least a little more open minded towards all of it, so that was good. I was telling him how when I was in juvenile justice class we had to read this book about a family in the projects in Chicago in the 1980s and I would read it on my commute to and from the juvenile courthouse, and the bus I took there passed right by where the projects used to be (like the book would mention a kid chasing a ball across the street of Damen ave, which is the street the bus runs down) and I swear passing it every day was like seeing ghosts, phantom children running after balls in the street and getting caught in the crossfire of gangs, little girls being gunned down while jumping rope where what now is just a parking lot, and all of that hit me real hard. And I think if you’re gonna work with these kids you need to understand the background they’re coming from and the trauma they’ve been experiencing all of their lives. I’m ranting, anyway. Once we wrapped up that discussion I headed to my room and got in the shower to start getting ready for bed and now here I am. it is just past 1:15 am and since I got up rather early (for me lately at least) so I am quite tired and will be going to bed now. Goodnight my friends. Have a joyous rest of your evening.

[luxurerrer]

February 2, 2017 God damn what a day. Woke up with time to eat breakfast, check out and catch the underground to Victoria station. Everything going swimmingly minus the fact that I didn't even want to leave. At Victoria, they announce the Gatwick Express has been suspended for at least a half hour. They've had a jumper, someone who's committed suicide by jumping in front of a train. So, I'm no longer getting a window seat. 2 and a half hours early was just for that happenstance. But Britany is low key freaking out and it's rubbing off on me. We start changing where we stand frequently until we decide that by the gate is the best option. But there is t wifi there. I felt helpless not being able to look into alternative options. 45 minutes pass and Gatwick Express is still cancelled for the time being. We eventually are told to take a Southern Train to East Croydon, catch a transfer train there that will take us to Gatwick. Everyone with their suitcase, rushes to this train. The next 45 minutes is anxiety and lots of pushing. So many stressed people with suitcases, scurrying around. I decided to not stress because I literally have no control over catching my flight or not. Aside from hustling, which I did. Who knows how many people I pissed off. We get the airport at around 11:15. My flights at 12:20. Perhaps we got there a little later because when I tried to check in, I wasn't able to. The doors had been closed for that flight. Britany's was at 12:50 and she checked in just fine. I was directed to a lady at a desk who could help me and Britany joined me shortly after. My options were to fly to New York later that day or Oakland in two days. The lady didn't quite understand why going to New York would be literally no help. I thought about it, I could do NY and hope that mom or Michael have points to get me home from there. But it was 3am their time and I couldn't be sure. Flying to Oakland on Saturday just meant more time in London and was cheaper for that flight. Doubting I'd get any refund for anything, I chose Oakland. Missing my two biggest money shifts and having to pay for a whole other flight that was only $100 less than the original RT flight I bought, I died a little inside. Britany said goodbye and sprinted off for security and I wrapped up my debacle. The second I stepped away from that counter, I completely broke down. Okay yeah, I didn't want to go but this sets me back $700. Fucking hell. Ellie comes through brilliantly and says I can stay with her as her brother is conveniently house sitting. I reach out to Kiley and Jeremy about getting my shifts covered and ask my mom to give Rufie an extra check as I'm gonna be home two days later than planned. Everything works out and I get a grip and go right back to the train platforms and hop on the ever so working Gatwick Express. I've never wanted a cigarette so bad in my life. I accept my fate and put on some make up on the ride back into London. When I had wifi at the airport, I figured out what I'd do first and kinda made a plan from that. I figured I'd do the things that we ended up not doing. First, I found my way to The Nags Head, a cool looking pub that I found on Pinterest and took significantly longer actually finding it. Construction had so many streets blocked off. I eventually got there, got a Ghost Ship cask ale and went down the short flight of stairs to the empty sitting area. I was starving but wanted fish and chips and they didn't have any. I settled on a fruit and cheese tray because I didn't want to wait to finish my beer before relocating. A group of 4 men came down and I'm not sure where they were from but when one of them went to take a photo of the other three, I offered to take a picture of all four of them. One said "what a nice gesture". I know, right? A week with Britany will do that to you. Honestly, shit like that gives me anxiety so I normally don't ever start conversations or do things like that. But I went back to my beer and them to their conversation. I inhaled my cheese plate, mixing and matching cheese to vegetables with this HP sauce compote thing. It was so yummy. Once I finished, I left. "You're leaving us?" one of the men says. "Forever and ever." I reply playfully. I went up to the restroom and ran into them again on the way out and they asked to take a photo with me in front of the pub. Lol, sure. Then I sped walked towards the main street. From there, I think my goal was Primark. I walked along Green Park toward Piccadilly Circus, my original favorite spot in London. It's such a tourist trap that I continued through to Oxford Circus. Lol, much better. Primark was massive and I wanted everything. I started actually shopping, using a rolly basket to put my backpack in. I got tired and overwhelmed so I put everything back and went to lounge area to sit for a minute. I ended up falling asleep. Oops. Once I woke up, I left. I originally wanted just gloves but they didn't freaking have any. I went down to Oxford St and searched for a Pret A Manger or Costa to get wifi. I found a Pret and got a tea and sorted out how to get to Cat & Mutton from there. Ellie and Alex were to meet me there when they got off. My phone said bus would be cheaper and I had top deck in my mind again but when I caught the bus, the entire top was full. Bottom too so I stood for a bit till something opened up. Slept a little bit on the bus and couldn't walk to C&M fast enough once off. Need. Beer. I grabbed a pint and head upstairs to their more quiet sitting area. Fully feeling gross because I was already pushing the limit with clothes for my stay and now two more days have been tacked on, I feel mildly guilty for anyone within close range lol. Ellie shows up first, Alex shortly after. The original Club Mate crew. Very glad to have some drinks with just these two. We chatted and drank for close to two hours before Alex had to head out. "I've finally hit the point where I'm just having the time of my life. YAS london. You're so much fun. 💘" Ellie called that pizza place for "collection" (instead of take out) and I went to the little convenience/grocery store to get money from an ATM while she picked up the pizzas. I bought a pack of cigarettes while we were there since I had been wanting one all day. I just bought a little 10 pack. I remember conversing with the guys working there a lot. I was drunk, or at least highly buzzed. We paused outside of Ellie's to smoke and somehow started singing Chicago songs. So we went up to her place and put on Chicago while we ate pizza. So so good. I thought we'd have some leftover for the next day but nope, we killed both pizzas. Again we didn't really watch the movie but talk a lot. We called it an early enough night. I had a full on conversation with the Aussie guy who lives in Berlin right now that I don't remember. His name's Brett and we became friends because he posted a hilarious ad on one of the Berlin apartment pages. Nothing noteworthy was really said. Just shit about him being heart broken and how he needs rebound sex. I was very excited to fall asleep. So thankful for Ellie and how everything turned out. Things could obviously be way worse than having a free place to crash in a foreign country.

[canaryatlaw]

well, today was fine, I’m just kinda discouraged right now because of depressing real world stuff related to child rights and how I’m supposed to improve a government run system that is supposed to protect children when the same damn government is intentionally harming children in almost identical situations. Sigh. That’s one more thing I can’t wrap my head around, but hopefully tomorrow I will find strength to carry on. I pretty much have to, really. anyway. today was fine. I woke up at 6:30 am and grabbed my stuff and ubered to the airport. Had a nice conversation with my uber driver, very nice guy, so I sent him a $5 tip with a thank you note afterwards. I arrived by 7:30 with my flight not supposed to leave till 9:15, so I had plenty of time. I got my bag checked in and weighed without any issue, and I guess they were trying to get people through security faster (though it didn’t seem like there was a particularly large amount of people there) so they didn’t do shoes off or laptops out, just said to keep everything in place and just had to walk through a metal detector instead of the full body scanner thing, so that was nice because the full body scanner thing likes to give me weird results that sometimes lead to awkward pat downs or conversations like “is there something in your pockets?” and I’m just like “.....I’m wearing yoga pants I don’t even have any pockets” but thankfully that was all avoided and I was quickly through. Had to walk a bit to the gate, passed the Starbucks on the way and stopped because I needed some caffeine, and of course I can’t have coffee but their refreshers have caffeine. I wanted to try their new one, the mango dragonfruit again, but they ended up being out of it so I just got my typical berry hibiscus one, which is always good. Walked the rest of the way to my gate, they were still boarding the flight before ours, so I doubled back to where there was a little bakery/breakfast place set up and got an bacon egg and cheese croissant from them and I s2g it was like the best thing I’ve ever eaten, lol. So I went back to the gate and ate that, and waited. While I was sitting there this sweet older lady came up to me and was like “can I take a picture of your hair? I want my to look just like that and I can never describe it right to the person” and at first I thought she was talking about the color because that’s generally what garners interest in my hair from strangers and I was like oh boy I have to explain this crazy color regimen to her, but then it was clarified that she actually meant the haircut itself, so of course I said yes and let her take a few pictures from different angles. I’m sure my hairdresser will be pleased to hear her work garnered such positive reviews, especially since I just got it cut yesterday. Eventually we were able to start boarding, I somehow pissed off the airline sufficiently to land myself in group 9 for boarding, I’ve never even know there was a group 9, but apparently I managed to get the crappiest (cheapest) ticket package that put me all the way in the back of the line. I don’t care of course what order I get in when the seats are already pre-chosen, I don’t use the overhead bins anyway so it really doesn’t matter to me. I was sitting further up than I normally do just because it’s what was available, I normally like to sit by the wings in a window seat a few rows from the emergency exit, because that’s supposed to be the safest place to be structurally as well as access to the exit should anything go wrong, but I was in row 6 today with a window seat, and that was fine. I grabbed the magazine first of course and found the sudoku puzzles, and I managed to get through the easy, medium, and all the obvious spots on the hard one before getting into the real theoretical stuff to figure out answers (I’m too out of practice for that tbh) just when they cleared us to use larger electronic devices, so I put the magazine back and pulled out my laptop, and clicked play on the downloaded version of Heathers the musical I ripped from Vimeo last night for my in flight entertainment, and it was definitely entertaining. The volume was kind of annoying because I wouldn’t be able to hear what they were saying in conversations so I’d turn it up but then when it got to the music it would be way too loud so I ended up going back and forth on it a lot. But yeah it was fun to watch through, don’t have too many original thoughts on it from this run through. I ended up getting halfway through “My Dead Gay Son” before they told us to put the laptops away, so that was pretty good. Landed smoothly, the airport is tiny (like it’s legit one hallway) and my aunt was going to meet me outside, so I just had to grab my bag from the baggage carousel. There was a bit of confusion though because they didn’t have signs indicating what flight the baggage was from and apparently there were two flights that came in from Chicago at like the same time so there was a lot of confusion between people and for a few minutes I was convinced they’d lost my bag and was starting to hardcore panic because I know I should keep my pill case in my carryon in case something like this happens but it’s always so bulky and in the way and even if I keep it in a giant ziplock bag it can still get popped open and send pills flying everywhere. But luckily before I got too far along panicking a worker came out and told us where our baggage would be coming so that quickly soothed my concern. Got my bag, walked right out and got in my aunt’s car and headed home. the rest of my family (or my parents and my sister anyway, somehow everyone neglected to tell me my brothers weren’t coming on this trip, which is not something I’m disappointed about, I just felt like this should’ve been something I was told at some point) wasn’t getting in until on a later flight since they were coming from NY. We stopped at Wendy’s and brought lunch back to my uncle and girl cousin (I’m just gonna call them girl cousin and boy cousin because there’s only two of them so it’s the easiest way to do it), the latter of which had to go take a final for her online Spanish college class, so she got sent off to do that for a while. I ate and then settled in on my computer, and a bit after that my aunt went back to the airport to retrieve the rest of my family. While she was doing that I ended up having a nearly hour long phone call (though to be fair at least half of it was spent on hold) trying to figure out if we could get our plane tickets to one con switched to another because of different celebrity appearances that had been unexpected, but the basic answer was no, there’s no way you can cancel or transfer unless you pay a fee of $400 per ticket (so $800) when the tickets only cost under $500 to begin with so like no....I’m not doing that. And it was so stupid because there was literally a flight to the second place that fit the same exact time constraints and was actually cheaper than the original one that they just could've switched us over to at literally no cost to them, and they just refused to do so. I was especially pissed because I had gone out of my way to get “travel insurance” for this trip, only to find out it only covers sickness that had to be proven by a doctor’s note or some other extraordinary circumstance that required extensive documentation to use, and like, I was really pissed because that’s not at all how they described it on the site and I may have thrown a line or two in there about how they’re really just setting themselves up for a deceptive marketing practices lawsuit to be brought against them just for the hell of it, which was the least I could do honestly. But yeah, all in all we were fucked and didn’t have another $500 to shell out to buy the new tickets independently so I guess we’re stuck with our original plans. Oh well. Some time after that we had dinner, and after that I went with my aunt and my parents down to the oceanfront and walked on the pier for a bit then walked a bit on the beach, it was really nice I liked it a lot. On the way home I may have encouraged some thoughts my aunt had about stopping for “ice cream or frozen yogurt or something” and she brought us to this cute little homemade place which was like, seriously some of the best ice cream I’ve ever eaten. They make their waffle cones fresh and like, you can see where they’re folded because the seam part kind of sticks out flat after it meets the other end which is just like super authentic and it tasted so good. They had a lot of tempting flavors, but after tasting it I decided I had to go with the cinnamon caramel oatmeal cookie, which was really just heaven and I was so glad I got it. It was cool too because they had vegan options made with coconut milk (my mom isn’t vegan but she has dietary restrictions that mean she can’t have dairy) and they actually had the same flavor I got made with the coconut milk, so we had the dairy and non-dairy versions of the same ice cream flavor, so that was cool. We sat and ate our ice cream, then continued on the way home. We sat out on the back porch for a little bit looking at the stars (I always forget how many there actually are until I’m out in the middle of nowhere and see them) which was nice, then we moved indoors and I went on my laptop for a while, and was eventually joined in the living room with my aunt and dad (mom went to bed) where we first watched the clip of James Corden doing carpool karaoke with Paul McCartney which was highly entertaining, even with having to deal with my father’s insistence that all of their songs were really about drugs, and then we watched a new Brian Regan recorded live show, so he was always funny. We pretty much started to go to bed after that, after I did my reblogging thing here I went back to the room I’m in (it’s currently the “guest” bedroom, it used to be my girl cousin’s room but when boy cousin moved out (he’s 21 I think) she transferred it to her room, which is where my parents are staying, then I’m in the guest room and my sister and cousin are on the couch/air mattress in the game room because they’re kids or whatever and want to bounce around and stay up late anyway. And yeah, I showered and then started writing this and here we are. Most of the day was objectively good, just a few sore spots bringing it down at times. Hopefully tomorrow I will feel better about my drive to actually make a difference in our awful government who very clearly does not know how to take care of children. Alright folks, that’s it for now, it’s past 1:30 am and sleep is calling my name. Goodnight babes. Happy Wednesday.

[canaryatlaw]

Alright, so today was interesting. I feel like I should be more tired than I am, all things considering, because I woke up at 5:30 and could not fall back asleep for my life because the rain/snow was falling on the roof right outside my room and it was loud as hell. So I tried to fall back asleep for a while, and when I checked my phone it was 8:30 which surprised me because I didn't think it had been THAT long. But I figured I probably wasn't gonna get any more sleep so I got up and had some cocoa krispies for breakfast and just generally hung out. It was a snow day so everyone was home for the day. We didn't actually get that much snow, only about 3 inches, but everyone was already battering down the hatches because of the forecast so nobody had anywhere to go. They're all saying now that the rain and such is gonna freeze overnight and make the road icy tomorrow, but they were probably (hopefully) salting them all day so that won't happen. Sigh. At least NY actually knows how to deal with snow, unlike some other states I know....lol. My mom had mentioned the other day that my younger brother wanted me to make oatmeal raisin cookies which I'm also rather fond of, so I found a recipe I liked and started making those, which came out quite good. I decided I would work on my trial ad for a bit, so I wrote my direct and cross, which thankfully didn't take too long. Easy enough problem at least. Hung out for a bit more, then finished the wolf of Wall Street with my sister, which I still found to be a gross and boring movie. We made some brownies quickly and then I went to dye my hair since its way overdue, only to find out my mom threw out my hair dyeing supplies.....I wasn't very pleased about this, but I guess I'll just have to go to Sally's tomorrow and get some more. Oh well. My brother and dad then convinced me to watch the first episode of the new season of Sherlock with them. They see the show of course from an outside perspective, untainted by all the crazy fangirls and other crap surrounding it, so they just think it's great lol. Admittedly it was pretty interesting, I've only loosely been following it up to this point but I have been curious as to what they're up to with Moriarty. Guess we'll have to see. I then made a cheese sauce for the Mac and cheese we were having for dinner, which didn't turn out quite as well as I'd hoped, but it was still good. Then I sat around for a bit more until the flash came on, which I watched most of with my dad and some with my mom as well, since my dad has been watching the show but hadn't seen any of this season yet, so I had to catch him up, but then he had to take a phone call halfway through and that was that. I thought it was a good episode, kind of depressing in many ways but still good. LEN. AGH. I know he's not *real* and is just a projection of the speed force, but just hearing his drawl again and everything got me so fucking amped to see real him on legends next week. Like so fucking excited. And EDDIE. Aw. Poor Eddie. When he showed up my dad asked if Barry was going to save him too, and I had to explain he wasn't actually there to save 😭 very sad. Glad they got Wally back though. And I kind of loved Jesse standing up to Savitar and basically kicking his ass, though I'm sad they now basically wrote her off for the time being at least. And that ending....BARRY. WHY DO YOU HAVE TO SCREW UP ALL THE GOOD THINGS IN YOUR LIFE. LITERALLY ALL OF THEM. Ugh. Like I'm sure they will get back together soon enough, but it's still frustrating. And then it was time for legends! Another really solid episode IMO, I really enjoyed it. I so loved Sara taking charge at every turn and clearly being so much better at it than Rip, which he then acknowledges and forever concedes the position to her which is amazing because I don't think anybody actually wants Rip to be captain again. Though he really doesn't have a purpose now?? Like what, is he just gonna carry a gun? I guess they'll figure something out, but still. Also, where in the timeline did Rip supposedly go back and give the pieces of the spear to the JSA? It had to be after the legends met up with the JSA because they all remembered the legends, but that was after Rip time scattered everyone and presumably became Phil. So??? Doesn't make any sense *sigh* what else is knew. The actual plot was interesting, of course there's no scientific basis for Thawne not having super speed in space, but it's not like that's ever stopped them before. I loved Ray's little I'm stranded on the moon vlog featuring Thawne just because of the posts on here about the legion doing a web show lol. Too good. The stuff with Henry and Nate was so sad, I was legit crying by the end when Nate was talking to his dad as a child, like there was so much well-played emotion there, major props to the actors. Of course it was sad Henry had to sacrifice himself, but I suppose it made sense with the plot. And now Amaya knows the future, which could screw things up for Mari. But yeah, overall I really liked it. And that's about it for today, and I should be getting to bed now, so I'm gonna do that. Goodnight my dears. Be safe.