#but don’t worry I was not tempted by the meth

[wewontbesleeping]

idk why I decided to open the little pouch that was on the ground by my bus stop but yeah I hope the person who dropped their meth isn’t too upset lol

[queen-haq]

Fic: A Woman Scorned - Part 13

Fic: A Woman Scorned - Part 13

Pairing: Billy Russo x Reader

Rating: R for language and smut.

Words: ~3000 words.

Summary: You’ve been sleeping with Billy Russo for a few months now. Knowing his aversion to emotional commitments, you’re satisfied with your clandestine arrangement until you catch him having dinner with Dinah Madani one night. Then it finally dawns on you. It’s not that he doesn’t want to commit, he just doesn’t want to commit to *you*.

Billy may think he knows you, but he has no idea what he’s just lost...

Part 1  Part 2  Part 3  Part 4  Part 5   Part 6   Part 7   Part 8   Part 9  

Part 10   Part 11   Part 12

gif credit: @bilyrusso

Part 13

It was 8 in the evening and you were still in the office. You hadn’t accomplished much work today, your mind mostly focused on Billy. You were surprised by how quickly he’d been able to make the funeral arrangements for his mother. Yesterday you had driven over to the nursing home and by the time you reached there, Carla Russo’s body had already been picked up. You’d signed a few papers for Billy and picked up the remainder of Carla’s things before you returned home. Everything of hers was packed into a small suitcase and sitting in your living room. You wanted to call him, ask him how he was and offer your support, but he seemed determined to do everything on his own when you’d talked to him last and you didn’t want to intrude.

You gave yourself a mental shake, reminding yourself to concentrate. This workday had been a wash. When you weren’t distracted by thoughts of Billy, you were putting out fires in your team. At least the personnel conflicts have been temporarily resolved, but now you needed to work on a slide deck that you’d been tasked with presenting to the executive leadership committee later in the week.

An hour later you were halfway done with your presentation when your phone rang. You glanced down at your screen to find Billy’s name on the screen. “Hi.”

“Hey.” He sounded exhausted. “You still at work?”

“Yeah. How did you know?”

There was a pause. “You give off the workaholic vibe.”

You smiled to yourself; at least he was okay enough to crack jokes. “How are you?”

“You mean am I grieving over a goddamn dead woman who preferred meth to her own fucking son?” He sighed. “No big loss. I’m fine.”

Anger and hurt saturated his voice despite his attempts to sound unaffected. Your heart hurt for him, you wished there was something you could do. “Do you need anything?”

“The funeral service is tomorrow.” A beat of silence followed. “Do you want to come?”

“Sure. What time?”

“2pm.”

“I’ll take the day off. Do you need my help with anything? Maybe I can call some of her friends?”

“When I found her she was living on the streets, barely alive but still hooked on meth. I doubt she’s got any friends.”

“What about the people in the nursing home? Maybe they want to come?”

“No, I don’t want anyone else there. Just you.”

Not liking the warmth that spread through you upon hearing his words, you reminded yourself he was probably feeling unusually vulnerable. This wasn’t typical of him.

“Do you want to come over?” he asked.

You exhaled a heavy sigh. “I would but I have so much work to do. I’ll be here for another hour at least.”

“Come over after you’re done.”

“It’ll be really late.”

“That’s fine. I can wait.”

“I can stop by my place to pick up your mom’s-.”

“No, it’s okay.”

You realized he wasn’t quite ready to go through Carla’s belongings yet.

“Bring your stuff with you.”

“Stuff?”

“Overnight bag, clothes for tomorrow, whatever.”

“Oh. You want me to stay over?”

“Yeah, might as well. We can drive over together for the service tomorrow.”

“Okay.”

Despite the conversation coming to a natural end, he wasn’t hanging up. It seemed as if he was reluctant to be alone, probably because that meant dealing with the complicated emotions for his mother. You knew exactly how that felt. “If you want, I can leave now. I can work from your apartment instead of the office.”

“You’re not worried I’ll be tempted to spy on Valiant stuff?” he teased.

You smiled. “As if I’d let you see what I’m working on.”

“Guess no corporate espionage for me tonight.”

“Still going to keep you away from my laptop.”

He chuckled. “Just get here. I promise not to bug you while you work.”

“Okay. I’m leaving now.”

“See you soon.”

After you hung up, you started gathering your things together.

***

An hour later, you were at his place. When he opened the door, you immediately grew concerned at how tired he looked. Traveling back and forth from Vegas plus dealing with the news about Carla’s death within the last few hours meant he was absolutely exhausted.

“Hey,” he greeted you, smiling as he took the overnight bag from your hands.

You removed your heels while he took your bag inside his room and then made your way to his living room. While his penthouse suite was much bigger than yours, you actually didn’t like it very much. Despite the high-end finishes and the beautiful interiors - Billy had obviously hired a designer to make the place look good - it always felt very cool and inhospitable to you. It was too perfect and you always felt out of place inside the suite.

“You hungry?” he asked, coming up behind you. “I ordered dinner for you.” Arms encircling your waist, he dropped a kiss on the back of your head as he maneuvered you to the kitchen. He’d laid out the food for you on the dining table, and from the take-out containers you knew it was from one of your favourite Indian restaurants. The thoughtful gesture surprised you, you weren’t used to that from him. Noting that he’d only set the table for one, you turned around to look at him. “You’re not going to eat with me?”

“I ate already. I was starving. Sorry.”

“Don’t be sorry.” You cradled his face with one hand, your eyes roving over his beautiful face as he placed a kiss on the fleshy part of your palm. “You look exhausted. Did you even sleep?”

“No” He leaned back against the kitchen counter, weary. For a moment he closed his eyes, simply holding still, and you found yourself wrapping your arms around him in a hug. You didn’t understand why you’d even initiated the embrace – hugs were never your thing – but seeing him so beaten-down you were desperate to comfort him. He leaned into you, his body flushed against yours, and you held him tight. Stroking the nape of his neck, you placed a soft kiss on the center of his forehead. “Why don’t you take a nap while I work?”

“You don’t mind?”

You smiled up at him, running your fingers through his hair. “At least I don’t have to worry about you stealing my company secrets while you sleep.”

He smirked. “You’ll be here when I wake up?”

“Yup. Probably still working away.”

Billy grazed your temple softly before dropping a tender kiss on the tip of your nose. “Okay, but eat first.”

You nodded your head, watching after him as he sauntered out of the kitchen and disappeared down the hallway.

Sighing, you went to the sink to wash your hands before eating.

***

It was after midnight and you were still working on your slide deck when you heard Billy puttering around in the bathroom. Soon he slowly made his way towards you, dressed in a t-shirt and black boxers, his hair all messy. He yawned lazily, falling onto the other end of the couch.

“I thought you’d sleep through the night,” you remarked.

“Are you still working?” he asked.

“Almost done.” You saved the file and shut off the laptop before slipping it back inside your bag.

Suddenly he pulled you closer and you found yourself tucked underneath him on the couch as he glanced down at you from above. “You work too hard.”

You smiled up at him. “They don’t pay me the big bucks to sit there and look pretty.”

A slow, incandescent smile curved his lips. “I would. If I ran Valiant, you’d be my personal stress relief. You’d be in my office the entire time and do nothing but look pretty and service me.”

“That’s sexual harassment.”

Billy shrugged his shoulders. “Whatever. I’d make it worth your while.”

You laughed, angling up to kiss him. “Your breath is all minty fresh.”

“I brushed my teeth for you.”

“Wow. Be still my heart.”

A warm grin covered his face as he shifted down your body to nuzzle your neck. His weight was heavy as he rested atop you, but you liked the solid feel of him on you, the way you felt all safe and warm. You stroked his hair while he drew lazy circles on your chest, the silence between you two comforting.

“No one knows about her. Not Frank, not Curtis, no one.”

Those names were familiar to you because Billy had mentioned them in passing a few times. Of course he’d never shared any other info, but you being you, you’d dug around and found out more about them. You knew they’d served with Billy and he considered them his closest friends.

“When I found her three years ago, I put her in that home and forgot all about her.”

“You visited her every week,” you reminded him.

“Because I wanted her to regret abandoning me. I wanted her to see how far I’d come, I wanted to throw her mistakes in her face. But I don’t think she regretted safe-havening me, not even a bit.”

The bitter pain in his voice made your heart hurt for him.

“Maybe I should be happy she’s finally dead, or maybe I’m supposed to be sad or something.”

“How do you actually feel?”

“Nothing. I feel nothing.”

“Billy, I think that’s normal. There’s no right or wrong in this. All of your feelings are valid.”

“Even if her dying made me absolutely ecstatic? You wouldn’t think I was a fucking psychopath?”

“You are a psychopath but not because you have conflicting emotions about your terrible mother dying. You have the right to feel how you feel about her, whatever that might be.”

Eyes blazing with emotion, he hovered about you to meet your gaze. “Then what makes me a psychopath?”

You quirked your eyebrow. “The fact you want to torture my dates.”

“Not just torture, I want to kill them.” Eyes darkened, voice velvety-smooth, he covered your mouth with his and ravaged you with a kiss that left you thrumming and breathless.

“Only you’re allowed to touch me?” you asked through labored breaths.

“Yes.” His voice was a lustful rasp, his mouth leaving a heated trail as he sucked on the oh-so-sensitive corner of where your neck and shoulder intersected. Sparks of electricity ran down your spine. “Only me.”

You took his hand and guided it down your body, parting your thighs for him.

Like always, you were soon completely lost in the erotic pleasure of his mouth on you. Your legs hooked over his shoulders, your hands grabbed the back of the couch for support as he fucked you with his hands and mouth, sucking you, licking you, his tongue flicking over your clit until you were keening under him. Body arching off the couch, you moaned his name louder and louder until he drove you completely over the edge.

Then you felt a light slap on your cunt which immediately brought you back to reality. Opening your eyes, you found Billy perched between your legs, gracing you with the most wicked smile. “That’s one.” He slapped your pussy again, this time his long, lean fingers ever so slightly grazing your clit and your hips bucked, wanting more. “As promised.” His eyebrow quirked up. “Punishment.”

“Not fair,” you protested. “I’ll date who I want.”

He slapped you again, a little harder this time, but then he leaned down to place comforting kisses on the very spots he assaulted and you moaned with pleasure.

“All of you.” His tongue lapped over your clit, eyes locked with yours. “Belongs to me. I own you.”

“You don’t!” You squealed when he flipped you over unexpectedly, grabbing you by the hips so your ass was lifted of the couch. And then he squeezed your butt cheeks, biting them lightly before he started rimming you.

***

After sharing a shower the two of you were laying in his bed, your back pressed against his chest as you both stared up at the ceiling. His one hand was intertwined with yours, the other arm circled around your hips. The two of you didn’t have sex but you didn’t mind. You were both fatigued.

“I smell like you now,” you murmured, realizing the soap in his shower had left its scent on you.

“I know. I like it.” He squeezed your fingers. “I have a present for you.”

“I hope it’s not earrings again.”

He chuckled. “No, not earrings.”

“What is it then?”

“Jewelry.”

You turned back to look at him. “What? Like a necklace?”

“Something like that. Except I’m the only one who’ll see you wearing it.”

“Ah. And where is this gift?”

He kissed the top of your head. “Not here yet.”

You smiled to yourself. “People usually wait until they have the gift in hand before telling others about it.”

“I couldn’t wait. I’m excited to see you wear it.”

He stroked your hair, and your eyes grew heavy. Soon you started falling into deep slumber, feeling calm, comforted by Billy’s arms around you.

“What happened with your family?”

Your eyes flew open. Like always, any mention of your family unfurled anxiety within you. You didn’t like thinking about them letting alone discussing them. “They passed away.”

“They’re dead?”

“Yes.”

“Both of them?”

“Yes.”

He pulled you up so you were facing him now, his intoxicating gaze completely focused on you. “That day when I asked you about the pictures, you said you weren’t close to your family.”

“I meant my extended family. I don’t keep in touch with them,” you replied smoothly.

“What were your parents like?”

Irritation surged through you at his obtrusive questions but you had to remind yourself he just lost his mother. He was feeling out-of-sorts, working through his grief – even if he didn’t think so – and he was reaching out to the only person in his life that knew about his mother. “Normal.”

He simply stared at you for a long time, studying you, saying nothing. “Normal,” he repeated, finally breaking the strained silence.

You shrugged your shoulders, dropping your gaze to the base of his throat so you didn’t have to hold his piercing stare. “Yup.”

“How did they die?”

“Car accident.”

“You miss them?”

“Of course,” you lied.

He reached out to cup your face, his thumb stroking your cheek. “So you grew up with great parents, white picket fence and all that bullshit? Sounds like you had a fairytale childhood.”

“Can we talk about this tomorrow? I’m really tired.”

“Sure. I’ll add this to the list of all the other shit we’ll talk about someday.”

He sounded almost angry with you and you weren’t sure why. Before you could question him, however, he pulled you close so you were snuggled against his chest and the warmth of his body was enough to silence your brain and lull you to sleep.

***

It was a cold, crisp autumn day in New York. The outdoor service, attended by only you and Billy, was short and quick. Throughout it, he’d gripped your hand even though he’d been outwardly calm and collected. Even now as he stood a few feet away from you, impeccably dressed in a black suit, his dark eyes hidden behind a pair of aviator sunglasses as he stared out at the pond, you sensed he was a complete mess inside. You didn’t know what to say to him so you simply sat on the bench, both of you in an isolated corner of the garden. Eventually he came to sit beside you, taking your hand in his.

“I’d have given her the whole world.” His voice was filled with pain and longing as he removed his sunglasses and tucked them in the upper pocket of his suit. “I would have given her anything she ever wanted.” Billy’s eyes met yours. “If she’d just wanted me.”

You scooted closer to wrap your arms around him, breathing him in as he sunk into you. His hands caressed your back, his grip on you so tight you almost couldn’t breathe. After a while he rested his forehead against yours, his eyes holding you prisoner in front of him.

“Swear to me you’ll never leave.”

“Billy-”

“Promise me!”

“I can’t.”

“It wasn’t a fucking request, Y/N.”

You tried to pull away from him but he fisted the back of your hair, holding you in place.

The raw urgency in his voice played havoc with your emotions. If you closed your eyes, just for a moment, you could shut out all the doubts in your head and simply believe him - but you could only live the fantasy for a short moment before reality forced its way back in. “You don’t mean those words, Billy.”

“Why do you say that?”

“Because you don’t feel that strongly about me.”

His eyes narrowed, glaring at you with hostility. “You’re gonna tell me how I feel?”

“I’m not what you want.”

“And what do you think I want?”

You gave him a sad smile. “The best of everything. Best car, best clothes, the most beautiful women in your arms. You want all that because you need others to want what you have.”

“Is that so wrong?”

You shook your head. “No, there’s nothing wrong with that – except I don’t fit into any of those categories. You want a woman like Dinah Madani. I’m not her. So eventually this thing between us will end.”

His jaw was set in a grim line, eyes burning bright with rage. “So you have me all figured out, huh?”

“Don’t get mad. You know it’s the truth.”

He yanked you closer, crushing you against him. “It’s been me against the world for as long as I can remember. But when I look at you.” His eyes softened, mouth parting as his dark gaze roamed over your face. “I don’t feel alone anymore.”

Your heart melted. The tenuous handle you had on your self-control disintegrated completely. You closed your mouth over his, kissing him frantically as he picked you up and straddled you across his lap.

He pulled back to look at you. “You’re my home. You’re all I need.”

Part 14

A/N - As always, all of your feedback, comments, asks, likes and reblogs are deeply appreciated. They truly inspire me to keep writing, so thank you from the bottom of my heart.

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[maddie-grove]

Little Book Review: Sammy Keyes and the Curse of Moustache Mary

Author: Wendelin Van Draanen.

Publication Date: 2000.

Genre: Mystery middle-grade fiction.

Premise: Seventh-grader Sammy Keyes and her squad opt to spend part of winter break with their friend Dot, whose family has moved to the country to open a plant nursery. Naturally, Sammy ends up in the middle of a century-old family feud involving murder, arson, and an honest-to-God meth lab. She also enjoys the company of Casey, a cute eighth-grade boy who happens to be the brother of the dreaded Heather Acosta. Is this the start of another generations-spanning vendetta? Probably not, but it's still awkward.

Thoughts: While there is some good material in this installment, particularly the nascent romance between Sammy and the very likable Casey, this is easily the weakest book in the series so far. I found the cornpone shenanigans of the rival families tiresome; there is far too much business involving a massive pet pig. I'm willing to put that down as a matter of personal taste, but there was a more serious issue involving the origins of the family feud that soured me on the rest of the book. Early on, the matriarch of one of the families tells Sammy about her ancestor Moustache Mary, an East Coast widow who disguised herself as a man while traveling with a group of pioneers to California. Her true identity was discovered when a Native American trader deduced that she was a woman, decided that she was an "evil spirit," and ratted her out to the rest of the pioneers.

There are a lot of problems with this story, so I'm just going to address them chronologically. First, the unexplained ability of the trader to suss out Mary's true identity, which she'd successfully disguised for months on the wagon train from people she was living close to, smacks of the racist "magical indigenous person" trope. Second, the trader is made out to be silly and backwards, to an extent that none of the white pioneers are; they're hostile to Mary once they find out the truth, but they don't think that she's an "evil spirit." This is an even nastier stereotype. Third, while it's impossible to know the exact views of a Native American man (about whom nothing is known except he was a trader who lived in Missouri during the last half of the nineteenth century) towards a white woman cross-dressing for practical purposes, it seems unlikely that his views towards gender would be more rigid than most nineteenth-century white Americans. Fourth, the whole thing just seems unnecessarily stupid and mean-spirited. You have one indigenous American character in the whole book, and he's a generic superstitious dick. And there's no reason for any of this to happen! Mary's identity could've been discovered a number of other ways, or left completely up to the imagination without hurting the story. Again, it's just a paragraph of the book, but it put me off in a huge way.

Van Draanen's attempts to tackle drugs and alcohol don't quite work, either, although I can't fault her intentions there. Sammy and her friends end up going to a big party attended by middle and high school students--Sammy to retrieve a lost skateboard, her BFF Marissa at the invitation of her crush--and Sammy is alarmed when she sees that kids are drinking beer and smoking weed in the backyard. For the rest of the novel, she refers to the backyard as "the edge of the world," and she worries that Casey is friends with some of these people. There shouldn't be any problem with this. I, too, am alarmed by the idea of middle schoolers drinking booze and smoking weed. I don't think it's a good thing for high schoolers to be doing those things on a regular basis, either. And if I had walked into that kind of party in seventh grade, I would've been knocked for a loop. It's just that Sammy has spent four books interacting with sleazy characters, hanging around sketchy locales, getting blackmailed, stealing a van, pulling pranks, fighting, and generally being a little bit of a delinquent. Obviously her peers getting drunk or high hits closer to home...but it doesn't, really. No sympathetic character--not Sammy nor her friends nor Casey--drinks a beer or even feels tempted to do so. If there had been a little bit of that, I would've bought Sammy's consternation. Hell, if Van Draanen wanted to keep her good guys away from drugs and alcohol (understandable in a middle-grade novel), it would've worked for Sammy to go, "I don't like Heather, but I'm honestly worried about her--she's obviously out of her depth." But no. As things are, I think that Sammy would just think, "This party is dumb and gross, I'm leaving" and not give it much thought otherwise.

Hot Goodreads Take: "Yeah, so I totally figured this mystery out early on in the book. Mostly because I (apparently) recognized the basic ingredients for meth before I was even thirteen." In contrast, I apparently retained no memory of the meth lab.

[neonmoths]

okay best gingerbread recipe ever here u go

ill convert the measurements into cups too even though i don’t speak wrong

ingredients:

250g/1 cup unsalted butter (or salted it doesn’t really matter) (yes if ur british that’s an entire block)

200g/1 cup light brown sugar

7tbsp (100g) golden syrup

600g/4¾ cups (??) plain flour (that’s all purpose flour for u americans)

2tbsp bicarbonate of soda

5 ½ (ish) tsp ginger

(for icing) ingredients:

icing sugar

water

(literally just make as much as u want idfk if u want more depends how thick u make em and how many u make etc also icing is optional but is nice so why not ig)

Method: (haha meth)

preheat ur oven to 180°C (350°F) fan oven/gas mark 7/160°C (320°F) normal oven so it’s nice and toasty for ur cookies

melt the butter, golden syrup and sugar together in a pan until combined (there will be an oil layer u can’t mix them together cause physics or something just trust the method)

put the flour, ginger and baking powder into a mixing bowl and sift it if ur feeling fancy (here’s a tip ginger doesn’t taste as good as it smells but in fact burns a lot)

pour the butter mixture into the flour mixture and stir until combined or u could get one of those free standing mixers and put it on the mixing end that’s like a triangle shape and put it on the lowest setting

when it has formed a dough wait for it to cool down a bit then cut it in half and roll it out to about the thickness of a pound coin (or ur little finger) be really careful and slow cause the dough is a bitch and can break a lot but don’t worry it’s fine)

cut out ur shapes and put them onto a tray lines with baking paper/parchment then do the same with the other half

EXTRA STEP: if u wanna b really classy then cut a shape out of the middle of some of your bigger ones and then put a boiled sweet (hard candy) in it and then when it melts it’ll look like stained glass in the middle (i’ll leave an example pic)

put em in the fridge just until their cold. please don’t skip this step i know it’s tempting cause cookies but it’s better cause it’s stops em spreading so u can get more on a tray and so then cookies can be eaten faster

then put the cookies in the oven and bake for 10 mins or until they’re starting to go golden and then take out and set on the side until they have cooled a bit before moving to a wire rack. don’t put them in a sealed pot when hot as they will sweat. if you did the extra step then wait until the sweet has set before moving the cookies

either decorate them or eat them

ICING: mix some icing sugar with a tiny bit of water and then add a tiny bit more if it’s a bit thick and decorate how you like. also you could probably use hundreds and thousands and colour your icing with food colouring. DO NOT ICE THEM IF THEY ARENT 100% COOL AS IT WILL MELT

eat with hot chocolate or give them to your favourite friend

if you’re reading this then thanks for getting this far and please consider sharing cause this took a really long time to write and my thumbs hurt now

also is you make this please reply with a photo or any changes to the recipe i would appreciate it a lot and i will attach some photos of mine

[savysavannah]

Practice Challenge one: Part One

Beginnings: 

“Fuck!” I yelled and slammed my hands against the steering wheel. This wasn’t the first time I’d had a total mental breakdown in the dim lighting of the courthouse parking lot, and it sure wasn’t gonna be the last. This case was rigged from the get-go, Mr. Dean esquire was always there against me, swaying the jury with his charismatic personality and his masculine gender. Not to mention it was a jury which he decided to leave fully as white men, his fellow groupies against my defendant, a woman of color who defended herself against her abuser who came at her with a gun. 

I took a deep breath and closed my eyes. Opening them I saw Dean sashaying to his car. I considered putting my own in reverse and waiting until he just walked by, then bye bye Dean. Deciding that it wouldn’t be worth the cost of defending myself I waited until after he’d passed to pull out and start to drive to Illean Private University. I was an attorney coach for a Mock Trial team and of course, had to encourage these kiddos that law was the best career and it would really be fulfilling to help people. Driving past the Greek life houses I couldn’t help but smile thinking of happier times. Chugging shitty beer, dressed like a total slut and not giving one single fuck. 

After an hour or two of bullshitting some kids and reminding them to object when someone playing a witness says “well I heard the defendant say he was mad at the victim so he must have killed her.” I drove on my way home. 

“Incoming call from Uncle Dipshit'' said my car, continuing the never ending day that is my life. 

“What?” 

“Hey little Savy-Hannah, I’m in a bit of a bind and need some help.” 

“What was it? Cocaine? Meth? Or did you finally snap and get caught with heroin.” 

“Come on, Savannah, why would you just assume that, can’t I call my one and only niece because I wanna talk to her?” 

“At 11pm? Friday night? Bullshit.” 

“.......fine Sav-” 

“Fuck you, I’m not doing probono work for you anymore. Get your shit together or get the fuck out of our lives.” 

Taking a turn away from my apartment I started to head for Lux, my old usual club. I hadn’t gone in awhile but right now I needed to get absolutely shitfaced. 8 shots and 2 waters later I was grinding up against some strangers to Kesha’s “Die Young”, a classic. Suddenly I heard an all too familiar voice, “Savannah!” 

My brother. Specifically, my oldest brother, Dan. He danced his way over to me of course being in this scene and grabbed my wrist. “Wha-u wan dan?” I slurred and kept jumping to the song. 

“I was worried about you, Ricky called and said you were acting weird.”

“Weird!" I laughed throwing my head back "Because I wouldn’t clean up his shit for once!” I screamed over the music before he pulled me out of the club by the wrist. As soon as the cool air hit my cheeks I leaned my head back and looked up at the sky. 

“I wish I was a star." I mumbled seeing the shimmering lights above us before suddenly leaning forward and hurling all over the cement. Probably a usual occurrence for Lux but I still felt bad. Dan rolled down the windows of my car as he drove me home, I stuck my head out of it for the breeze to feel the air in my lungs. 

“How’d you find me?” I mumbled, still not fully back to myself. 

“We all have eachothers phone locations, remember? You insisted on it like a year ago after you interned on that kidnapping case.” He sighed as we drove up the familiar road home. 

“You’re really a mess you know that?” He asked. It's not like he was much better….well, he was but it's not like I'm our brother Danny. At least I made something of myself. Didn't get handed my career and a wife on a silver platter. Or like Daniel who was still so far back into the closet that we really aren't sure if he'll ever come out, even though our family would be more than accepting of him. 

I was tempted to defend myself but stopped, “I know, I just need a win."

The next morning Dan was sleeping on my couch and I was on the living room floor. “You couldn’t have carried me to bed?” I mumbled through a yawn. 

“You’re the dumbass who got white girl wasted and said you were too tired to walk to your room.” 

“What time is it?” I mumbled and went to find my phone despite the world swaying as I crawled to my purse.

He lifted his arm up to look at his watch, “Like 8:00am chill out.” He groaned. 

“HOLY FUCK 8?” I flinched at the loudness of my own voice. I was normally up at six, two hours slept in, what’s today it’s a wednesday. ‘What was I supposed to do today? No clients in court today, so that’s good. Okay so I suppose I have to? Paperwork?’

I sighed, “You’re fucking lucky I didn’t have court today.” Stumbling up I ran to my room to change out of yesterday's clothes, splash some water on my face and get on the move.  

"Lucky? I'm the one who got your ass home at all!" He yelled back from the living room as I slipped into a different skirt. Shirt could stay the same, just a plain white shell no one would notice. But skirt absolutely not. I grabbed a pair of earrings and a bag of makeup wipes and rushed past Dan. 

"Fine sorry love ya. Family dinner on saturday right?" I hurried as I slung a purse over my shoulder. 

"You got it." He replied. 

"Uh, stay awhile have breakfast if you want. I've got bagels and eggs. Just lock up when you leave." I remembered finally to be polite as he stretched getting up from the sofa.

The office was busy and loud as usual. I tried to smile and act like I wasn't hungover as holy hell while I walked to my desk. 

There was someone new taking a desk near me too. Lanky guy probably straight out of law school too. I sized him up for a moment before nearly catching his eye but going back to my work. 

It wasn't till lunch that I had to actually deal with another human when I ran into Mr. Asshole-dean. 

"Ms. Mars?" He said as he tapped my shoulder in line at the starbucks near the courthouse. 

I turned but knew his voice right away, "Mr. Dean?" I replied wondering why he was bothering me. He seemed to catch my cold tone. 

"What, rough night? Does suck the night you lose the case but don't worry. You'll get better at losing, can't win em all." 

I would like to get an extra extra hot- you know what make it just a cup of fucking lava to poor on this jackass. I smiled, "Thanks! I'm sure it didn't take you long to get used to it." I gave a passive aggressive smile and looked down to my watch. 

"Listen, Mars, I know we're opposing counsel but I don't mean any harm by it. I think we could be great friends if you'd give it a shot. I mean I'm sure we both hate our jo-"

"Hi I'd like a venti mocha!" I ordered cutting him off the scurried back to my car. 

I had a few hours before I actually had a meeting. It was just to speak with a judge over a custody case between a homophobic mother and two "really good friends" one of who was the father of the child in question. There was a chance it could turn into a serious case, the mom was wealthy and if she got too displeased she could probably turn it into a civil suit on the grounds of the father being gay. But it wasn't likely she'd take the time. She was only really fighting for custody to use their kid as a weapon in the divorce. 

I drove home with my coffee deciding I wanted to Pad Thai leftovers I had as comfort/hangover/please-god-dont-make-me-live-another-day food. 

Daniel was sitting on my couch when I walked in. "Can you not just walk into my house? Dan may have forgotten to lock it but that's no reason for you to just waltz in here!" I yelled as I dropped my purse and walked up to him. 

"Is that my mail?" I huffed and snatched my letters from him. It was just junk mail but he still had no right to be so intrusive. 

He looked up at me with a slight glare, "I know what you did and I'm gonna get you back for it." And as quickly as he came he scurried out. 

Ringing up Dan I tapped my foot on the ground, "You forgot to lock the door!" I yelled into the phone. 

"Oh shit my bad. You okay?" He asked. 

"Yes, but Daniel was just here. All pissed over something." I grumbled and walked to the fridge to get out my leftovers. 

"Any idea of what?" He asked. 

"No clue." I answered. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“No, don’t call anyone. Listen, they record everything but our conversations for confidentiality, if you call someone it’s possible that they might somehow be involved and we don’t want prosecution to get that- understand?” I hated explaining the basics to my clients, but those dumbassses would sign their own sentences if they didn’t know any better.

I walked up to the courthouse, in one hand I had my phone, the other a black coffee from the starbucks across the street, my work back slung over my shoulder and threatened to slide lower onto my arm. As I turned the corner I was suddenly burning with hot coffee against my chest and a stranger staring down at me as I had run right into him, 

“FUCK!” I yelled as I stepped back. My heel slipped in a crack on the sidewalk, the top of it snapping it too causing me to fall back, my head hitting the hard concrete.   

When I opened my eyes again he was standing over me. It was the new guy who sat across from me. "Don't worry I called an ambulance." He assured. I was going to sit up but as I pieced the situation together I realized I was no longer wearing a shirt. Instead I had his blazer placed over my top. I assume because of the burning coffee which would have been sitting on my torso had he not. 

He rode in the ambulance to the hospital. We sat in awkward silence as I tried to figure out his angle. Was he afraid I'd sue. I was the one who bumped into him. Did he wanna ask me questions about our workplace. It'd been a month or so since he'd arrived though so that wouldn't make sense. 

He sat next to me at the hospital and was still there when the doctor told me it was a light concussion and a small burn. He sighed, finally not seeming like a stiff board for a moment. Maybe he was scared I'd sue. I turned to him in the hospital bed when we had a moment alone. 

"Why are you here?" I asked. 

He blushed and looked down mumbling a bit as he said "I just wanted to make sure you were okay. I wouldn't be able to work anyways till I knew." My eyebrows furrowed in confusion. 

"Why? I'm the one that bumped into you?" I asked. 

He was about to respond when the brigade of brothers came in. He seemed startled at all the sudden male energy in the room. "Ah, these are my brothers Dan, Danny, and Daniel. Daniel is a family name." I added the common addition when introducing them to anyone. 

He stood up and shook Dan's hand firmly "Nicholas Lamia." He said. I realized then that I also didn't know his name. Danny started to get suspicious as he looked at him with antagonizing eyes. 

"How do you know our sister?" He asked. Nicholas flushed again and tried to find words for a moment. 

"We work together. He's the one who called the ambulance." Daniel set a balloon down next to me that he'd gotten at the gift shop. 

We hadn't really spoken since his home break in. I still don't know what that was about. But he's been suspicious since. Once they released me Nicholas went on his way and the Mars siblings stood on the sidewalk and considered where to go. 

"Should we get sushi? It's been a moment since we hung out without mom and dad." Dan suggested leading the conversation. 

"Hmm, works for me. Samantha's out of town for work." Danny chimed in. 

I sighed thinking about all the work I still had to do. But it had been a minute since we hung out for fun, and cucumber rolls wouldn't be too bad right about now. "Sure I'm in." I replied. 

"You?" Danny asked Daniel.

He mumbled for a moment with the same guilty look, "no, I don't th-" 

Suddenly Danny got him in a headlock, "come on even Savy agreed and she'd rather eat shit than waste time." He joked. I rolled my eyes and we all piled into Dan's car. 

The waitress led us up to a small booth towards the back. At first I was going to sit next to Daniel but the blaring TV would send me down a spiral. There was a government program on and as soon as that shit for an heir came on I'd be fuming about how we're leaving the lives of multiple disadvantaged people to a boy who did body shots off a Delta Nu on a thursday night. I wasn’t exactly sure if that story was true, but it wouldn’t surprise me based off of what I’d seen from more credible sources than Lucy in the room down that hall at the sorority house who was gushing about how she wished it could be her. Prince Eaton went to the University of Labrador with us and she was hopeful that he would do it but sadly, no. 

Dan saw my eyes lingering on the TV and switched sides of the booth with me. We were just about finished and considering desert when I began to notice the glances and smirks. I wiped with a napkin thinking maybe I had some rice on my face, but they continued nonetheless. It wasn’t like creepy guys smirking either, it was everyone. The air felt different and Daniel looked like he was going to be sick. “What?” I asked as he opened his mouth. 

It looked like he was about to say something but couldn’t find the words. Dan opened to speak too, “Savannah, we didn’t think you’d ge-” 

“Oh my gosh congratulations on being selected! Would you like a desert? Everything is on the house of course!” The waitress smiled. 

I looked up at her as if she were speaking German. “Congratulations on what?” I asked. 

“On being selected! They were just announced, are you so excited? Could I also get a photo by any chance! The next queen of Illea could be sitting at my booth!” She cheered.

The world slowed as my mind raced selected? Like The selection selected? I didn’t apply? I didn’t want to apply? How did I even get entered? What did Daniel want to tell me? Did Daniel do this? Was this his revenge for what? 

I snapped out of it as Dan called my name. “I’m sorry. I have to step out for a moment.” I said and grabbed my purse running out of the restaurant, feeling everyone watching me. I walked to the side of the building and pressed my back against the cold brick panting. I crumbled inwards as my brothers ran over to me. I took a deep breath in, 

“I don’t” 

another breath

“understand.” 

Suddenly a man with a long lens camera appeared. How did that happen so fast? How did he know what she looked like? Stupid your Savannah Mars it’s not like you’re a nobody your grandpa runs the largest candy company in the world. 

“Can you back off?” I heard Dan ask him. 

He kept ignoring Dan entirely, that is till Dan pushed his camera out of focus. “What the fuck man? Chill.” The creep said and went to shove Dan. Level headed Dan of course responded by punching him in the face. 

We all piled into his car and drove to my house. I sat in the car ride silent and waited for someone to speak. No one did but Daniel still looked like he was going to throw up. We all sat on the sofa in continued silence. Only Dan spoke to offer everyone water. 

No one said yes to it but a cup appeared in front of each of us anyways, always the responsible older brother. 

I inhaled then finally said, “I’m not mad. I just want to know why?” and looked at Daniel. It was clear by now that he was the culprit. 

He sat there in silence, his lip whimpering like he wanted to cry. Like he wanted to cry? If anyone’s going to cry it should be me. Suddenly I lunged at him to get in a hit. Only Danny’s arm stopped mine from smashing into his face. 

“Why?” I yelled. 

“I thought you made a gay dating profile for me.” He whimpered. 

“What?” I asked, even more confused than before. 

Dan spoke up, “Danny made a gay dating profile for him to try and give him a little push. When he got mad he said it was you who did it.” 

“I just saw the letter sitting there and it seemed like the perfect way to get back at you for meddling in my love life. I was just gonna taunt you with submitting it, then Dan told me it was Danny but he said you wouldn’t get in and you’d just never know.” Daniel explained. 

“Well, statistically speaking you shouldn’t have.” He defended. My anger shifted to the brother holding me back. If Danny had teased Daniel about his sexuality none of this would have happened. But I couldn’t do anything with him still holding my wrist. 

I stood from the sofa and the brothers stood as well. “I’m going to go get changed.” The second they relaxed I turned and charged at Danny. “You fucking bitch!” I yelled and started to pull at his hair. He didn’t fight back but Daniel panicked and Dan rushed over. I was yanked off of him before I could make any real damage but he did look hurt enough. 

“How could you! Just minding your own fucking business could have avoided this whole thing! And Daniel!” I yelled and turned. “Don’t fucking get vengeance especially not without communicating!” 

The phone started to ring. It was probably about the selection. I huffed over ready to say, “Hi, yes this is Savannah Mars. No, I would not like to participate, please pull someone else.” But as I picked up the phone I realized something. Daniel would have had to forge my signature. In order to apply for me he had to sign a contract. If I say I want out I would have to prove I didn’t agree to begin with. That would mean proving the false signature. Which is by the way, illegal. 

I sighed, held the phone to my ear. “Yes this is she. I’m so excited to be selected and am more than happy to discuss a time for you to send your people over.”

[justauthoring]

Not According To Plan [J.P.]

Request(s): Heya love your bog! Any chance you could do a Jesse pinkman where y/n tells him she’s pregnant kinda fluff/minor aghast please?

Hi! Can I request a Jesse Pinkman imagine set in any season or in El Camino where you tell him you’re pregnant? Thanks!

hi!!! may i please request a Jesse pinkman fic where he finds out his girlfriend pregnant and he decides to stop everything but Walter won’t let him? THANK YOU SO MUCH!!

Requested by: @pondjessicaamelia

Please don’t plagiarize my work! Word Count: 1,795

“No... Oh, God, no.”

Your breath shudders, your hands begin to shake as you stare at the two red lines. This can’t be right. Pregnant? “How?” You cry, unable to stop the tremour in your voice as you shake your head. You’ve always been safe and you take birth control pills just in case--

Lips parting, your eyes widen. Dropping the pregnancy test without a seconds hesitation, you reach above the bathroom sink, grabbing the small basket scattered among other things on the shelf. You search through the many medicine and pills thrown unceremoniously into the basket until you settle upon what you’re looking for; condoms.

This is where Jesse always kept them. And you remember how many he had, because you’d bought them. The pack came with twenty, but you’d bought them over a few months ago. In the midst of your panic, you try to remember, best you can, how many times you and Jesse have had sex in the past two months. You weren’t exact, but, there was a condom missing.

And not to mention, you haven’t been taking your birth control pills...

Turning, feeling your body grow weak and numb, you sink down to your knees, leaning against the counter as your head falls into your hands. It’s not that you don’t want kids, or that you never do. In fact, you would love to have kids and especially Jesse’s. But, you weren’t ready. At least, not yet. You still haven’t figured out what you want to do with your life and...

And, you didn’t know about Jesse. How would he feel about all of this? Does he even want kids?

You two had only recently started becoming more serious. And even then, not for that long; a month or so. You’d been having sex way beforehand, sure, but, not in that way. At least, not until recently. You guys weren’t committed like that; at least to your knowledge. Jesse could easily just leave and feel no ounce of regret. Not that you expected him to, but, situations like these made people act irrationally.

“Jesus,” you whisper, “what am I gonna do...”

A sudden knock pulls you from your thoughts, causing you to jump. You let out a gasp, turning your head over your shoulder as your brows furrow. You were expecting no company and you certainly weren’t up to entertaining any one at the moment. For a split second, you consider ignoring the knock, pretending you’re not home, until a familiar voice calls out; “Y/N? Yo, it’s me. Jesse.”

“Fuck,” you curse, pushing yourself up to your feet. With haste, you push yourself up to your feet, moving towards your door before you pause. The pregnancy test. Hissing, you grab it, hesitating a moment. Tossing it into the trash can would be too obvious, since you’d just dumped it out. But another knock at your front door reminds you you don’t have much time, so, tossing it into the bin, you grab a handful of toilet paper, dropping it in after.

That should be good enough.

You reach your door just as Jesse moves to knock again, causing him to pause before his eyes fall on you and a warm smile erupts onto his lips. However, it soon fades when he gets a good look at you. “Hey,” he calls out softly, moving to step inside, eyes never wavering from your own. “You don’t look so good.”

“No, no,” you breathe out, shutting and locking the door behind him, before brushing back some of your hair out of your face. “I’m okay.”

You turn to face Jesse, but he’s still frown down at you, shoulders falling with deep concern. He takes a step forward, letting his fingers gently fall on your cheek, before cupping your chin gently and leaning close. “You sure?” He asks, voice considerably quiet.

With a nervous, but you hope believable, chuckle, you teasingly swat Jesse’s hand away. “I’m fine, weirdo,” you laugh, moving over to your couch. “So, I thought you were busy today?”

“Plans got cancelled,” he shrugs, falling down next to you. Without hesitation, he wraps an arm around your shoulder, pulling you close as you fall next to him with ease. Even if your worries still nag at the back of your mind, just being near Jesse is enough to calm your nerves. At least a little. “Figured i’d come see my favourite girl.”

“Oh, hush,” you roll your head, moving to grab the remote. “Wanna watch a movie?”

“Sure.”

A few hours later, the two of you having moved to some sort of racing game, Jesse suddenly pauses the game, causing your eyes to fall on the back of him as he stands up. “Gotta pee,” he says simply, making his way towards your bathroom. You brush it off with no concern, your earlier concerns having slipped to the back of your mind.

It isn’t, in fact, until Jesse walks out of the bathroom with the pregnancy test in hand a few moments later, do you realize your mistake.

You innocently move to glance up at him as he walks back, expecting him to fall back into his spot next to you, until you see what’s in his hand and the change of his expression. His care free nature is all but gone and there’s a sort of dumbfounded expression on his face as he flickers his gaze from the test, to you. Where he looks at you questioningly. 

“Jesse...--”

“This yours?”

Swallowing thickly, you bite your bottom lip. There was no point lying. “Yeah,” you say quietly, feeling your head sink. “It’s mine.”

“You took this today?” You nod. “And it means...?” He doesn’t need an answer to his question, but still, you nod once again.

Jesse doesn’t say anything for a moment, but it feels like eternity to you. Like your entire being is caving in on itself and you just can’t handle it. If Jesse wants to break it off, then you need to know because you can’t handle the debating any longer. Besides, it’s not like you needed to gain the courage to tell him anymore; he already knew.

“I’d understand if you...” With a shaking breath, you inhale deeply, bracing yourself. “If you wanna break up. I’ll be okay, i’ll figure something out. And there’s one thing I know, I wanna keep the baby. I’ll figure out the money and everything and honestly, Jesse, we’re so young so I totally understand if--”

“Woah, woah,” Jesse cuts off, your eyes snapping to his as he shakes his head, disbelief written on his face. “Are you offering me an out?”

Pausing, you frown. “Well, yeah...”

“Why?”

“Because I thought you wouldn’t want to--”

“It’s mine, though?”

“Of course,” you say without hesitation. “Of course, Jesse. There’s no one else but you, Jesse.”

Jesse nods, and once again, stifling silence fills the air as you wait for his answer, terrified at what it’ll be. Then, suddenly Jesse rushes forward, falling to his knees before you and taking your hand into his own, stunning you. Your lips part, staring down at him in wonder. “I’m not going anywhere,” he finally says, no ounce of doubt in his voice. “I’ll help you raise our baby. Doesn’t matter to me if we’re too young, there’s no way I could ever leave you.”

Your shoulders fall, body easing. You don’t know what to say. You knew Jesse was sweet and he possibly had the biggest heart of anyone you knew, but, you didn’t think... couldn’t even imagine him being this supportive. This understanding. You’d been so sick with worry that you’d overthought everything. And for no reason.

“I love you, Y/N.”

Blinking, you meet his gaze. He seems to realize what he said and shaking his head, he lets out a nervous smile; “I’ve loved you since I first met you. And, if you’ll let me, I want to be there for you.”

“Of course,” you say quietly, your own smile curving onto your lips. “Of course I want you to be there with me.”

Jesse presses a kiss against your knuckle, eyes remaining on your own the entire time. The kiss sends flutters through your entire self and in that moment, you realize, there’s no one you’d rather have a baby with than Jesse.

-

“Mr. White--”

“We are so close, so close, to finishing what we started. And what? You just want to give it all up?”

“Y/N is pregnant, Mr. White,” Jesse mumbles, brows furrowing in absolute disbelief. He can’t believe what he is hearing from the man he looked up to. He thought, if anyone would understand, it’d be him. Since he’d started all of this for his family in the first place. “I have enough money that will sustain us for a while, and then i’ll find a job and, well, yeah. I mean, I can’t keep cooking with a baby around, yo. That’s just not safe.”

Walter scoffs, rubbing his hands across his face tiredly before shaking his head. “You’ll get a job? You?” Jesse’s head jerks back at the obvious insult, lips parting. 

“Yeah,” Jesse whispers, “I... I have to. For Y/N.”

Walter takes a step forward, grabbing Jesse firmly by the shoulders. He leans close, leaving Jesse no choice but to focus solely on him. “I do this for my family. So my family has enough money to live a comfortable life. More than a comfortable life. Don’t you want the same for your own, Jesse?”

“Yeah, but, I don’t have... cancer, Mr. White.” Jesse ignores the look of shock on Walter’s face, trying to stay strong. “I mean, it might be hard, but I can get a job. I can live a normal life. I don’t need to cook meth for Y/N to be happy and sustained.”

Huffing, Walter steps back. “You’ll see. You’ll come to understand my way of thinking, Jesse. And when you do, i’ll be here.”

Inching towards the door, Jesse’s lips part. “I’m not coming back, Mr. White.”

Without hesitation, Walter shakes his head; “you will. I know you will.”

And there’s something about the look in his eyes, something that just screams danger to Jesse. It feels him with doubt and hesitation and he almost, almost, doesn’t walk out. Tempted to just give in. He would be dangerous, but Mr. White had a point; you and your baby would be sustained and happy for life. And Jesse’s been keeping it a secret from you for this long that he can continue to.

But then, he imagines his child, boy or girl, ever finding out what he did; the absolute disgust and fear that they would feel... and that gives him the encouragement to walk out.

Not knowing what that meant.

-

Let me know what you thought?

[dearyallfrommatt]

Anarchists Should Vote and Here's Why

 For the most part, I’m with this argument from Bemundolack of Things Not Art. I used to be a hard ass about voting, thought it was everyone’s civic duty. I have sense mellowed. As far as national elections go, who cares? It’s probably better off. As for local concerns, well... you know, no one really gets into that, do they? I think that sort of misses the whole point.

 That’s one thing that’s always bothered me about debates that tackle voting versus not voting. It’s always the President and, once in a while, Congress critters. Almost never does it consider state and local, and at least for anarchism-friendly types, that seems like it would matter most of all. Maybe it’s because I live in Mississippi, and our bullshit is such that the rest of the country, much less the Federal Government would rather just pretend we don’t exist.

 Willie Nash was just sentenced to 12 years for doing something he wasn’t told not to do nor was he prevented from doing it by jail officials. The people who owned the chicken plants that ICE raided last year won’t even get a slap on the wrist for exploiting undocumented workers, which is supposed to be bad.

 Destroying imperialism and dismantling the State is all fine and good, but at the end of the day the poor people that weren’t as important at the time are still just as screwed. Arguments that voting either doesn’t matter or is equally harmful have yet to swing me and I just think it’d do more good than harm. Convince me otherwise.

 Another thing I have with what I’ve seen of, at least, Social Media Anarchism (for lack of a better phrase) allows for too much for some of the foundation thinkers of the past. Kropotkin maybe, Marx for sure, but that may just be me and my own cynicism. I do think they’re useful up to a point, but past that point the handiness gets increasingly diluted. Sort of like the conflict between Standard Model and quantum physics, and scientists inability, so far, to make the mesh together in a working Theory of Everything. Assuming such a thing exists, and apparently they think so. 

 Again, I could be talking through my hat here, but I feel and logic leads me to believe that we (scientists of the future) will figure out a new paradigm to get the job done. Same thing with the professed end goals of Marxism and Leninist Communism. It’s useful to a point but it might be time to come up with something new that will do what the past can’t do anymore.

 It’s sort of the same way Leftists view Capitalism, really. Maybe it’s my inability to mesh collectivism with my own extreme dislike of company, I could be just that wrong, so grain of salt. Still, the way a lot of Leftists and Anarchists talk of Capitalism, they make it seem like some sort of pernicious, malicious force of intentional evil like it’s some sort of Devil tempting Johnny with a golden fiddle. Maybe it ain’t that deep. Maybe it’s just a structure to view reality and people have always been the wrenched knee in all this. It’s not so much a matter of good or bad as it’s a matter of bread and circuses, especially in the Western world. Sure, there’s a lot of predatory capitalists, but those sharks swim in an ocean of a whole lot of folk that simply don’t give a shit.

 As I’ve said before, I’m sympathetic to Anarchism but I’ve never found one that’s properly grooved me. It’s a deficit that I intend to remedy. I eventually reached a comfortable place in my spiritual and ontological views, I can do this, too. One thing I do like about it, though - and I can’t remember where I got this, maybe Emma Golden - but it’s not so much Smashing The State/Corporation/One And The Same as it is using that edifice to do some good in the world and the 24-hour, rock & roll freedom party that life should be is a long-term result. She uses the Paris Commune as an example, & I think that’s apt.

 So, I said all that to say all this. Vote if you want or don’t if you don’t. Be honest about why, at least to yourself, and maybe think about what can be done about the mess across the street. And don’t worry about the “if you don’t vote, don’t bitch” stroke, as likely as not I won’t pay much attention you one way or another.

 I will say this, though. I cannot buy Donald Trump as a slick, Machiavellian operate, someone who manipulated the public with his clever appeals to racist populism and 11th-dimensional chess moves against the Media and his opponents. He ain’t that bright, y’all, I’ve been paying attention. We’re just that awful and desperate enough to be told it isn’t bad, it’s good in fact. The GOP has been building to the MAGA base for almost 40 years, a populist demagogue was bound to happen. Finally and most unfortunately, far too many of us are so terrified of the Cosmic Spin that our only option is being a sandy butthole. Trump just happened to be the right bastard at the right time and Television if the crystal meth of the masses. We’ve known that, we just want to pretend it wasn’t our fault.

[tmrrwppl]

Let me spin y’all a yarn real quick about the bullshit I have been through. Long and my brain is all over but, free entertainment I hope!

[[MORE]]

So, we have this great little bench seat in the house. There was the weird urine smell when we signed the lease and we figured it would be some wall cleaning and scrubbing and we’d be done by Sunday night.

I pull out the vacuum and start sucking up dirt and shit and go “I will just vacuum out the bench seat.”

Wrong move. Inside that seat was fucking DRIED CAT URINE AND SHIT. IT TURNS OUT the previous shitty tenants (Hence the deep cleaning happening) had the litter box in there and probably shut the poor cat in there!! (Oh I’m so fucking mad about this but I will summarize later). So I was just like, okay, get some degreaser, easy peasy.

NOPE.

It is soaked THROUGH the linoleum. So I scrub it, tried to put and enzyme destroyer on it. Smells better. Go home. Came back this morning and HOLY FUCK it’s still there.

So I’m like “fuck it”, grab my handy scraper and decide “well I will just get this linoleum up and scrub the sub floor since down the road will be redoing the floor anyways and the sub floor is in this hidden area and will be fine”

But wait, there’s more!!!

SOMEONE LAID FUCKING LINOLEUM OVER THE ORIGINAL SIXTIES LINOLEUM. AND THEN MORE LINOLEUM OVER THAT

(Meanwhile, my boyfriend has literally cleaned both bedrooms and started on the kitchen. He understands the smell has to come out and I am way more detailed than he is on this so he’s being a saint while I do all this. Shout out to him for being a keeper!!!)

I have torn up half the fucking linoleum in the bench seat and the sub floor is buckled and fucked up and stained BLACK from the urine.

I’m gonna sand it down and scrub the ever loving fuck out of it.

I cannot get the urine smell out of my nose and I��m wearing a fucking mask y’all.

This house is gonna be fucking gorgeous when we are done with it.

And my subtle vindication is that the previous tenants vacated and lost their deposit (which was $1100). Because the kids drew on the walls, peed in the AC intake, and the husband went to jail for possession of meth (yeaaaaaah) so they couldn’t afford the rent (which sucks but Jesus Christ they should have been evicted for just smoking in the house as well on top of all this), and they didn’t report leaks which we have fixed ourselves this weekend.

I casually (read: I was being nosy)found the wife’s fb profile and found out she owns a cleaning service (after the mess in this house we don’t understand HOW). We changed all the locks, so don’t worry. It’s been VERY tempting to just call animal control on these people for what they did to the poor cat, but I don’t have their new address or anything so I have to mind my own business. Also, it’s been tempting as fuck to call this lady’s cleaning service and ask her for an estimate on cleaning the house. But I am not allowed to do it.

The other thing keeping me happy is the landlord is so happy to have people who fucking care and are happy to make improvements and raise the property value that:

1) he’s paying for new privacy fencing

2) going to pay for nice barn doors to replace the broken garage door (previous tenants broke the mechanism to open it and sealed the door shut with fucking cement)

3) and is buying us paint and cleaning supplies (WHOO!)

This is on top of reduced rent for the area ($995 a month while comparable a are going for $1300-$1600). It’s a lot of work but this is going to be home... once this fucking box stops smelling like cat piss.

[ladyseaheart1668]

Endless Summer Book 4 : Daughter of Vaanu (Chapter 27)

Description: Everyone starts to settle back into routine. But the danger is far from passed. 

tagging: @xo-endlessmayhem-xo ; @princesstopgun ; @mysteli

Chapter 27: Spectre of the Hydra

Jake

Every so often, when I'm pulling up to the beach house after a day at work, I'm struck all over again by the grandeur of the place where I'm currently living. There was a time I might have actively rebelled against living in opulent splendor. Having grown up in more modest surroundings myself, the time was such luxury would have felt suffocating. And if Alodia weren't living in this place with me, I think it still would. But her presence could make a damp, moldy cave into a home for me, and it can certainly do as much for a waterfront mansion in California. Besides, there's no denying that it's gonna be an amazing place to raise our kid.

I park the car and make my way around to the front door. I hang up my keys in the foyer and wander into the kitchen to grab a cold glass of water. With temperatures squeaking past eighty degrees Fahrenheit, it's unusually hot today for October, even in southern California. Through the dining room window, I can see Varyyn on the deck, doing some kind of Vaanti tai chi or something. Another advantage to this place is that the property is enclosed enough that Varyyn can actually enjoy the beach for awhile without drawing attention to himself. I fill a glass with tapwater, top it off with a couple cubes from the icemaker in the freezer door, and make my way out into the balmy autumn air. Varyyn pauses when he sees me.

“Good afternoon, Jake. I didn't realize it was so late already.”

“It's almost seven. Either of our spouses home?”

“Yours is. The last I knew, she was resting. Diego called to say he will likely be late tonight.”

I nod in acknowledgment and go up to the bedroom I share with my wife. Alodia isn't in bed when I get there, but I can hear the shower going in the bathroom. I tug off my work clothes and hang them up, lying down on the bed in my boxers to wait for her. She emerges within a few minutes, a bathrobe wrapped around her body, her wet hair hanging loose around her shoulders. She grins when she sees me.

“What, no rose between your teeth?” she quips.

“Oh, you thought this was for your benefit?” I tease back. “I was just waiting for a shower.”

She chuckles, shrugging. “Well, you know you're basically a piece of meat to me.” She makes her way to sit on the edge of the bed and bends to kiss me. “Mmm, you taste like afternoon coffee.”

“You taste like toothpaste. Much more pleasant.” I tug lightly at the edge of her robe, folded over her swollen breasts. “Is this for my benefit?”

“If you tread lightly. They're still tender.”

I withdraw my hand to find hers. “Probably for the best at the moment. I'm guessing I don't smell much better than I taste. I've been sweating in a business suit all day.”

“I was sweating through dance classes most of my day.”

I prop myself up on my elbow, looking at her with concern as I reach out to tuck a strand of wet hair behind her ear.

“Are you sure you should be dancing right now?”

“Relax, Top Gun. I'm mostly marking. Not doing anything River and I can't handle...” She trails off, averting her eyes. Her profile settles into a frown. I sit up, putting a hand on her shoulder.

“...You okay, Princess?”

“I...went into the poolhouse earlier...”

I exhale slowly. The poolhouse. Where we've been keeping the trunk we got from the crystal planet. The trunk containing the Andromeda idol.

“...Did you...?”

“No. ...I didn't want to alone. ...It's active, though. It was calling me. It's calmed down now, but...I could feel it.”

“You know it's gonna keep up until you touch it.”

“I know. But as long as I can—ung!” She cuts herself off with a sharp gasp, pitching forward slightly and clutching her belly.

“Alodia!” I launch myself off the bed, kneeling in front of her. “What is it, Princess? Are you okay?”

She raises her head, her eyes wide. “...They moved. ...Jake, our baby moved!” She breaks into a grin, laughing dazedly. “River Skye is alive!”

“...River...?” I let my hand drift to her belly. She smiles a little.

“You may not be able to feel anything yet,” she cautions, even as she opens her robe to place my hand on the swell. I wait for a moment, my hand pressed flat to her belly.

“I...I don't know...I can't tell if I'm feeling River or gas.”

She laughs. “Trust me, I feel River.”

“Hell, Princess, that's good enough for me.” I rise to press my lips to hers. “My beautiful wife. Mother of my child.”

I kiss her again. And I keep kissing her. I want to distract her. I want her to forget about that amber thing in the poolhouse. I know it's ultimately futile. But just for now...just for a little while...

Lila

Five years ago, I woke up in a hospital in Florida. The last thing I could remember was lying on the floor, surrounded by the bodies of Arachnid soldiers. I was satisfied, knowing that I had protected the Selected, that I had covered their escape. I thought I was dead. But there I was, in a hospital bed and a gown with a needle in my hand. On the television set mounted to the corner of the ceiling, I watched Mr. Rourke being led out of a courtroom in handcuffs, shouting about the crystal people coming for us all.

Things were a little bit of a blur when I got out of the hospital. I gave them a false name as a precaution, and it stuck. As far as the Selected knew, Lila Sethi was dead, so that was what everyone else assumed. I made my way to my apartment before they could clear it out and broke in to gather a few personal affects, and that was the last of Lila Sethi. It was easy enough to start again. Sure, there were a few rough months while I scraped some money together, but I know how to get by on the streets. I stole, I begged, I did chores, I even turned a few tricks. And eventually, I found myself working retail in New York for a little over minimum wage. I never seriously considered going back to Rourke International. Now that Aleister and Estela were in charge, I doubt I would have been welcome.

I'm not sure what exactly possessed me to ever visit Mr. Rourke in the hospital. Maybe I just felt sorry for him. I know what it's like to lose everything. Once I believed he could give me back what I had lost. The man I found in that hospital was so different from the one I had known, that I only pitied him more. When I gave him the phone disguised the the hairbrush, one of the things I had managed to recover from my old life, I think I was hoping that having someone friendly to talk to would keep him from losing the last of his humanity. I didn't hear from him for years. Then Alodia came back.

I shouldn't have agreed to observe her. I mean, it was harmless enough at first, but then she discovered she was pregnant. I shouldn't have told him. But I didn't know how to hide it. I don't really know what he's planning. The revival of Project Janus, I guess. But exactly how he'll do that without the Island's Heart or the Endless...

… I think he means to use Alodia. But there isn't any proof that she has any power outside of the island, especially now that the time bubble has been destroyed.

Maybe that's the best I can hope for. That she doesn't have any power left and that Mr. Rourke will realize that before he hurts anyone.

No. Dammit, Lila, don't be stupid. You know that's not good enough. The best you can do now is to get out! Cut him off. Don't answer when he calls. He can't hurt you. He can't hurt you and he doesn't care. Just forget about him. Live your new life, free of his influence.

… My phone is ringing. I know who it will be before I even look at the screen.

“No,” I growl to myself, clapping my hands over my ears and screwing my eyes shut. “Don't answer him. You were free before. You died free! Stay free! This is your second chance!”

The ringing stops, and I open my eyes. My phone has gone dark. Then a missed call notification pops up on the screen. I hesitantly lower my hands from my ears. I realize that I'm trembling. My fingertip leaves streaks on the screen as I hastily delete the notification before I'm tempted to call back.

Block him, Lila. Just block him.

My screen lights up again, my phone trilling a ringtone. In my teenage years, I saw many people who were addicted to drugs. Heroin. Cocaine. Meth. Opiates. I watched their minds and bodies drive them mercilessly towards the next fix, sometimes driving them to death. Some addictions didn't reach the body. But an addiction in the mind could be just as deadly. Pot, pornography, gambling. At fourteen, I was the one to identify my foster-brother's body when his gambling debts landed him in hot water with the wrong people. It's his face in my mind when I tap the green button on my phone.

“...H-hello?”

“Lila, dear. Listen carefully. I have a job for you.”

Kenji

“A Halloween party?”

“Yeah! Seriously, what's with those faces? It's a great idea?”

Mid-morning on a Friday, Grayson and Tahira sit across from me in a booth at the Grand. It's the perfect time for a business meeting. Not even the cleaning staff are here at this hour. I just can't believe that they both look so skeptical.

“It's not that it isn't a great idea,” Tahira says quickly. “It's just...Halloween is a week away. And logistically, that's cutting it kinda close.”

“Hey, you can let me worry about the details. The Grand remains the biggest party scene in Bayside, and we're missing out on huge profits if we don't take advantage of such a big party night.”

“Halloween's on a Tuesday,” Grayson points out. “Most people will be working the next morning.”

“That doesn't stop most people,” I retort. “...But, I can see your point. Maybe we can run the specials all weekend. Half-price drinks, half-price admission for anyone in costume, that sort of thing. Maybe we can get a band or two to play for a few hours each night.”

Tahira nudges Grayson lightly. “...We both know the Hartfeld students like to drive up to Northbridge for Halloween weekend. It's a big money opportunity. And the whole reason for reopening the Grand was to revitalize Bayside. I don't think we can avoid to miss many opportunities.”

Grayson sighs. “...Is this really what you want to be worrying about right now, Tahira?” he asks softly. Tahira and I exchange a glance. Grayson has been welcomed into our confidence, and he fits in so easily that it's sometimes easy to forget that he hasn't lived with the whole double-life thing as long as Tahira and Eva and I have.

“Don't worry about me, Grayson. I've gotten good at balancing Tahira and Dragonness.”

“Right...of course.”

“Listen, Grayson. With everything you're going through, no one's going to expect you to make an appearance.”

“But maybe I should. To show them that I don't intend to let my Dad retake the company. That I don't intend to let him dictate my business decisions, and that I'm still committed to revitalizing Bayside, not bulldozing it.”

“Hey, that's the spirit!” I say encouragingly. “Hey, the way I figure it, with everything we've been through lately, we all deserve a few nights to cut loose. Especially you two.”

Craig

It's been way too long since Zahra and I really had some proper time alone together. And with both of us off for the day on Sunday, we spend Saturday evening plotting the perfect day in. The fact that Sunday is rainy and chilly just makes it better. We stay in bed having sex until at least noon. When we finally leave the bed, we take the blankets with us to curl up on the couch, drink coffee, and play classic video games while we wait for the pizza we ordered. For awhile, there is nothing else in the world but me and Zahra, cuddling under a worn-out comforter while our sprites whale on each other on the screen.

“Oh, you still comin' at me, Player Two? You're about two hits away from dead, you might as well just lie down and accept your fate!”

“Nuh-uh! Power up! Boom! Health bar restored, and now you're at half!”

“What?! Where the hell did you pick that up?!”

“Not my fault you were too distracted to notice when it fell from the sky!”

“Yeah, well screw you! I'm gonna beat you anyway!”

“Oh, yeah? How do you figure that?”

“'Cause I always do!”

And of course, thirty seconds later, she does, with a massive bolt of lightning. I groan, letting the controller fall into my lap.

“Daaaamn. Gorgeous woman who has sex with me and beats me at video games? I'm so in love with you, Zahra.”

She blushes, which makes me smirk. I always feel a little smug when I can get her to blush. Predictably, she covers it by swatting me.

“Shut up and kiss me already, loser.”

I do as she tells me, then pull back with a grin. “Okay, I'm bored with that game. Let's play Jump Bros Racing instead. Then at least I'll stand half a chance.”

By the time the pizza arrives, the combination of the gray day outside, the lamps inside, and an hour or so staring at the TV screen has my vision all wonky. I blink and rub my eyes, trying to force them to see colors properly again as I stumble to the door. I thank the delivery guy, push the tip into his hand, and go back to the couch, balancing two large pizza boxes on my hands. The smell of cheese, sausage, green peppers, mushrooms, and pepperoni reminds me that I haven't eaten all day. My stomach rumbles. Zahra, who picked up her phone while I was getting the pizza, snorts.

“Jesus, Craig. Your stomach growls louder than you fart.”

“But not louder than I burp,” I retort. She snickers and pushes on my head.

“Got a text from Kenji. They're planning a big Halloween weekend bash at the Grand, and he wants my band to play. He's offering $300 since it's short notice, and he'll throw in another $50 if we agree to do two nights.”

“Dope. You gonna do it?”

“Well, obviously, I'll have to talk to everyone, make sure they can all make it, but for that kinda money at the Grand, I think I'd be an idiot not to. ...Only problem is, we haven't really had a rehearsal since...well, since before the Catalyst reunion. Just with the way everything's been so crazy...”

“Yeah...it kinda has been. ...But hey, today is about forgetting all the crazy, right? Let's concentrate on eating this pizza. Then we can marathon Seven Crystals until our eyes bleed.”

“Oh, God, yes!” She tosses her phone aside and dives for the top pizza box, pulling out a hot, gooey slice. She sucks the point into her mouth and chomps down, tearing it off like a wild animal devouring its prey. I can't help grinning.

“Are you aware that you're the sexiest thing on two legs?”

She pokes one leg out from under the blanket and pulls up the leg of her pajama pants. “Two legs that I haven't shaved in two days?”

I pretend to examine the dark, stubbly hairs on her calf. Then I imitate her, poking my own leg out. “I haven't shaved my legs in two years!”

“You shaved your legs two years ago?”

“Uhh...no. I guess not. So, I haven't shaved my legs in...ever. But you can still be my leg-hair buddy, even if you're not as hairy as me.”

She laughs, putting her leg down and taking another bite of pizza. “Eat your pizza, scrublord. I need my Player Two if I'm gonna get through Seven Crystals.”

Estela

Until I'm back in it, I sometimes forget how much chilly air can feel like pain. These past months, I went right from San Trobida to La Huerta to Northbridge and southern California in high summer, and then back to San Trobida. It was still summer when I returned to Northbridge to help my brother investigate Silas Prescott and his machine. Now a true New England autumn has officially crowded out summer. That's the other thing I've learned to dislike about the transition from summer to winter in the northeastern United States. Unlike the change between the tropical and frigid zones on La Huerta, this one comes on gradually, and I end up feel like the proverbial frog in a pot, not recognizing the change until one day I walk outside and my extremities start going numb.

Even with a jacket, scarf, and gloves, I can still feel it nipping at me as I make my way down the sidewalk in the early afternoon sunshine. I wouldn't even be out in it, but I needed a change of scene. I head toward Michelle and Quinn's apartment. I know that Michelle and Sean will both be at work about now, but maybe Quinn has a little time to spare. I could use some company right now besides my mother.

Much to my relief, when I arrive at my destination and press the buzzer, Quinn's voice sounds on the intercom.

“Who is it?”

“Hey, Quinn. It's Estela. I hope I'm not interrupting anything.”

“Nothing that can't wait. Just a sec, I'll buzz you up.”

I hear the soft buzz and the click of the lock, and yank the door open. Blessed warmth wafts over me as I step inside the lobby. The feeling is returning to my digits by the time I reach Quinn's unit. She's waiting for me with the door propped open. The smell of cinnamon and cloves drifts into the hallway.

“Come on in. I was just making some cider. Want to try some? It's nice and warm, just off the stove.”

“Anything warm sounds heavenly right now,” I reply, slipping off my coat and hanging it in the closet. “Sorry to drop in unexpectedly. I hope I'm not intruding.”

“If you were, I wouldn't have let you in,” she replies, waving a hand dismissively. “Sit down. Take a load off.”

I obey, sitting down at the kitchen table. Murphy immediately jumps up into my lap, cooing. I rub his cool, silky ears around the bases, and he trills with pleasure. Quinn ladles cider into two mugs printed with brightly-colored cartoon characters, and joins me at the table, sitting across from me. I cup the mug between my hands, letting the heat of the cider penetrating the ceramic warm my hands.

“So what brings you my way?”

I sigh. “I needed a change of scene, I suppose. Some space to think in.”

“Perhaps you're also looking for someone to share your thoughts with, since you seem to have sought out company.”

I take a warm, sweet sip from my mug. “Perceptive, aren't you.”

She smiles a little. “I try. So what's on your mind?”

“...Mom is talking about going back to San Trobida. To spend time with my Tio.”

“...How is she going to explain her ressurection to your Tio?”

“She hasn't decided yet. She has promised to leave Alodia out of her explanation. I'm mostly trying to decide whether I want to go back with her.”

She raises an eyebrow. “That's in question?”

“Should it not be? The Catalysts are all here in the States...”

“We've mostly been in the States for the last five years, but you've never felt the need to leave San Trobida for more than a visit or business. Even if you've been forced to delay, as far as I knew, you never questioned eventually going back.”

I snort a little. “You make me sound like the slightly estranged or...independent sister. You know, the one who breezes in a few times a year to give presents and then disappears again.”

She chuckles. “You know I don't mean it like that. We're family, the eleven—the twelve—of us. But we're not in college anymore, not all living in one place. And that's okay. We have lives and families outside of each other, as we should. That's the whole reason Alodia gave herself up, was to give us that. San Trobida has always been your home. It's where your blood family is.”

“Except for my brother. And my nephew.”

“True. Still, it's where the family that raised you is.” She frowns slightly. “And I would have thought you would want to stay with your mother. And your boyfriend must be missing you.”

I am quiet for a long moment. I take another long swallow of cider, and place my mug back on the table.

“...I love my mother. I will always love her. But it's been eleven years. I'm not the same person I was when she died.”

“...Is she not able to accept that?”

“It isn't that exactly,” I reply. “She understands that time has passed and I've grown. The problem is that we don't relate to each other the way we used to. I've gotten so used to living without her, having her back is a shock, even taking out the shock that comes just from the fact that she's alive. She understands that. That is, she grasps the concept. But trying to work with that...figure out who we are to each other now... It's like...when your parents realized that you were really and truly cured. Remember how you were always saying that treating you like a sick person was a habit they had to break? Treating you like a sick person and arguing with each other about it?”

“Yeah. ...They were glad I was healthy, of course. But they'd spent so many years stressing about my health that they couldn't let go of it right away.”

“It's a little like that. ...Of course I want her in my life. But I have to figure out how that works with the person I am now. And I'm not sure living under the same roof is the way to figure that out. And as to my boyfriend...he isn't. Anymore.”

Quinn looks up sharply, startled. “What?! When did this happen?!”

“Right about the time we introduced you to Rochelle.”

“But...that was weeks ago. Why didn't you say anything?”

I shrug, keeping my eyes on my cider mug. “We had other things to concern ourselves with. Besides, I...needed time to process.”

“Are you...okay?”

I shrug. “Well, I'm hardly walking on air, but I'm not bitterly torn up, either. I suppose in the end, we simply didn't have enough in common to sustain the relationship. At first it was intense and passionate, but once that initial thrill wore off...” I sigh. “...Honestly, the fact that there's a large part of my life he'll never understand...that no lover could really understand...”

“No lover except another Catalyst, anyway,” she says softly.

“Right. ...I had hoped him being part of the resistance back in the day might have made that part easier to deal with. Maybe it would with the right person...”

“Sometimes it takes time to find that right person,” Quinn says softly. “Believe me, I know. But hey, that's true for everyone, not just Catalysts. We come with a little more baggage than most...but that would have been true even if we had never gone to that island.”

I smirk a little. “So, you're saying that I'm not so special?”

She laughs, and I know it's because she enjoys my teasing. It took me awhile to learn how to playfully rib my friends the way they had always done with me and each other. But I've gotten the hang of it for the most part.

“I'm saying you're normal, silly.” She reaches across the table and takes my hand. I raise my eyes to meet hers, dark brown on sapphire blue. “Let yourself feel bad as long as you need to. As long as you know underneath it all that it's not the end of the world.”

“Oh, I know that well enough,” I quip ruefully. “We've both lived through the end of the world.”

“Yeah, we have. And you're a strong, beautiful woman with everything going for her. You'll bounce back from this.”

I smile, squeezing her hand. “Thanks, Quinn. You're pretty good at pep talks.”

“Well, I try. Now, how about we get some cupcakes started while we try to talk through your other problem?”

Lila

All right, Lila. This is going to be easy. Just walk right in. If he's awake, hand him the note. If he isn't, just leave it under his hand and walk out.

I have my disguise, a nurse's scrubs and ID badge, bearing my picture, but the name of a nurse on staff here who happens to be off today. It should be easy. I shouldn't be hesitating so much. I never used to have trouble doing exactly what Mr. Rourke asked me to do. Well..hardly any trouble. I believed in him then. I believed in him, and I put aside any scruples because I believed he was doing good for the world. Saving every lost little girl like me. I don't believe in him anymore. So why can't I walk away from him?

The note in the pocket of my scrub pants isn't long, but it feels very heavy. Uncomfortably bulky. The edge of the folded paper pokes into my thigh. I've read it, with permission from Mr. Rouke: “An old friend sends his regards. If you are serious about your goal, you'll need more than the dragonness. We can help each other.”

It's signed with the sigil of the Hydra, and a weird symbol that Mr. Rourke says will alert him that there is more information written in disappearing ink, and that he will need to heat the paper. That will reveal Mr. Rourke's contact information, and possibly more.

It doesn't feel harmless. In fact, it feels like it could be very harmful. But I can't walk away. But I can't walk forward, either.

Do something, Lila! Choose something!

And before I quite realize what's happened, I'm at the door to Silas Prescott's hospital room, where police officers are standing guard. I flash my badge, and they read the name, checking it against the list. The nearest officer gives me a curt nod, and I slip inside.

Silas Prescott is asleep, his heart monitor showing his pulse in a steady blip. Before I can change my mind again, I slip the note out of my pocket and gently lift his hand to place it underneath. He doesn't even stir. He must be sedated.

I turn away from the bed, lingering in the room just long enough to give the impression that I did more than just slip a note under his hand. Then I leave. I have to get out of here. Get out of this place. Get away from Silas Prescott. Get away from Everett Rourke...

But it looks like my escape may be delayed. Because not three yards outside the room, with my eyes on the floor and my mind a million miles away, I run headlong into someone coming in the other direction. A white-coated doctor studying a clipboard. We both recover ourselves, straightening our clothes and mumbling apologies. Then, our eyes meet, and we both freeze.

...I have just run headlong into Michelle Nguyen.

[allen-d-rivers]

Ice Cream and Debauchery

Chapters 1 and 2 of an experimental new project, similar to John Dies at The End. 

                                                           1

It’s not every day you learn you’re a link between worlds and a crucial peg in the ongoing struggle of good against evil, the fate of the entire universe hinging upon your actions.

In fact, I’d say it’s pretty rare.

At least I think. I can only speak for myself. The types of things I learn in a usual day are that the Doritos have gone stale, or one of our eight cats has pissed in my bed. On occasion I learn the Netflix subscription has expired, and sometimes my brother’s back hair and toenail clippings amass so much that they clog the shower drain.

Gross, right?

Anyway, that’s what you deal with. Typical everyday bullshit. The ancillary details that somehow become the staple of your life. And yeah, it sucks. My home smells like weed and my car is constantly on the urge of breaking down but at least it’s normal.

Acid spitting demons. Tentacle...things. Interdimensional beings with the power to phase out facets of existence.

Like what the fuck?

And I’m a boring dude. Forgettable. Stinky, even. I’m not a protagonist. A hero. I’m just a unkempt slacker with a mountain of student loan debt constantly paralyzed by crippling anxiety and self-doubt.

Okay, so that’s like half of my generation, but whatever, you get the point.

I can’t even remember to return my DVDs to Redbox, yet I’m charged with saving all of existence?

And who the hell rents DVDs anymore?

Okay, fine, fine I’ll stop wasting time. I’ll get to the point. It’s one that took me 3,500 years to understand (time’s not linear - it’s a long story) but here’s my best summary:

There are infinite universes. Infinite timelines. Infinite outcomes. You are just a thread in the entire cosmic rope of you. Also, there are demi-god assholes wagering on the fate of all of our lives. Most of them are dicks.

Get it?

Good. So we’ll start from the beginning, because this guide might be helpful to whoever comes next. Even if it’s another iteration of me. Or something.

Stick with me, I barely get it myself.

So all of this...the murders, the massacre, the interdimensional travel, it all started in one place. A place many of us think of as common, but that was destined to be the hallowed ground, the launching point for the ultimate conflict, the one that encompasses all of our lives and which very well could end them all.

We begin at K-Mart.

                                                  2

“Ice cream and debauchery?”

“What?” I ask.

“Cigar and a soiree?”

“What the hell are you talking about?”

“Refreshments and a rave?” Will asks with a grin, flashing his pearly yellows in the process. He’s leaning on the counter across from me. We’re both wearing our K-Mart shirts, blue and embroidered with a red K. Will’s has an accompanying mustard stain that’s gone crusty. I’m on register and he’s on stock, but with how barren and desolate the store is, we both can afford to kill some time.

“C’mon you schmuck, I’m asking what you want to do tonight,” Will says.

“The same thing we do every night, Pinky,” I reply.

Will blinks. “Why are you calling me Pinky?”

“Never mind.”

“Do I have marker on my face or something?” Will wipes at his face.

“Stop it,” I urge. “I don’t care what we do tonight. Drinks, video games, whatever. I have nothing on the agenda.”

“Dude,” Will whispers, leaning forward on the counter. “I heard there’s a sweet new laser tag place in Johnson City. You can see the lasers shooting through the air. Pew pew and all that shit.”

I look Will in his (dilated) pupils and consider the prospect. A couple of twenty-five year old guys in sweat-stained t shirts going all out on a group of middle schoolers, diving behind cover and screaming while firing a barrage of light beams in a retaliatory strike. It would be like Saving Private Ryan, but somehow more sad and desperate.

“Sounds great,” I say. “I’ve always wanted to shoot thirteen year olds.”

“Yeah, fuck kids!” Will declares.

“A-hem,” a voice rasps.

Will and I look and see Shelly, our manager, standing with her arms crossed a few feet away. She’s a rigid stick of a woman, tiny but imposing, and she’s wearing her “you fucked up” expression on her face.

You’d know it if you saw it.

“Oh shit!” Will says. “Liam didn’t mean he actually wants to shoot thirteen year olds.” He pauses. “And I didn’t mean I like to…”

“Enough!” Shelly belts. “I don’t care what you two morons blather on about. Most of the time it doesn’t make a damn difference in this place but I’d appreciate if you didn’t do it while there were customers waiting in line.” Shelly extends a bony finger past Will, where two customers stand.

“Oh, got it, got it,” Will says. “I’ll go and…”

“Get the boxes from storage,” Shelly says. “I’m sorry folks,” she says to the customers. “Won’t happen again.” She shoots me a glare before stomping off. Will looks to the customers tepidly, offering a shy smile and wave.

“The children are our future,” he declares before trotting off.

“Sorry about that,” I say as the man approaches.

Most people would be worried about being fired for such a transgression. Admittedly, when I first joined the K-Mart team, I was concerned about my performance. About being on time. About doing things the right way. About greeting every customer with a smile.

Now I’m tempted to tell half of them to fuck themselves.

The rude mean half. I’m not some type of monster.

Not yet, anyway.

There’s no threat of being fired. The place can barely keep enough employees to function. And how can they? Minimum wage pay, no pay increases per year, extremely limited mobility, the unsavory assholes taking out their daily ilk and strife on you as they berate you over the price of shorts, the limited variety of snack cakes, and the behavior of their own mutant children.

Okay, so they're not really mutants.

Most of them.

The point is, who cares? Slap that on a bumper stick. Sell it to all the millennials. Nothing matters we’re all going to die, have some fun in the meantime.

“Excurse me!”

That’s not a typo.

“Excurse me!” The man in front of me repeats. He has a strange accent, or some type of slur. Regardless he sounds Scandinavian, or eastern European or something.

“Hello sir,” I say. The man before me is tall, and Frankenstein-like in his demeanor. His body moves in lurches, appearing lumpy and improperly set. He’s like an action figure a kid’s twisted one times too many, and it looks like his shoulders are permanently pushed upwards out of place.

This isn’t the only odd thing about him. I swear to God (well, at least some iteration of the higher power that does exist) that this guy is the spitting image of Gary Busey. Well, Gary Busey if he’d gotten in a bar fight. His face is swollen and lumpy, though there are no sign of cuts or bruising.

I feel a strange vibration. A chilling tickle up my spine. And that’s not some revisionist history. I didn’t know what was up with this guy or what was bound to happen, but when you see a Frankenstein-like Gary Busey with a strange accent and those horrible horse teeth staring at you with corpse-gray eyes, you know something’s up.

Busey slams three objects down upon the counter. His hand shakes over them, as if he is straining to pull his arm back. To make his arm work. He used his other hand to grab his wrist and assist. I stare down at the three items.

A cucumber. An opened (and bitten) stick of butter. A pack of Trojan Brand Condoms.

Again, the R’s aren’t typos.

“Therse are the things that are being bought togrether, am I being of the correrect?

“Excuse me?”

“Excurse?” Busey coughs. His breath smells like dogfarts.

“What did you ask, sir?”

His eyes roll in his head. His tongue falls out of the side of his mouth. Now, for the first time, I understand the true nature and severity of what I’m dealing with.

A meth head.

In a town as forlorn and economically distraught as Rosedale Pennsylvania, plenty of people hide from their problems with drugs and alcohol. There are no jobs, no opportunity, just failing businesses and disappointing people. I can’t blame people for hiding from themselves, for hiding from the reality of their lives. I’ve done it plenty, but the meth heads...they are a different variety. Often times they are…

“Dangerous,” Busey says, except he pronounces it “Dan Grr Us.”

“What?”

“I am dangerous,” Busey repeats, slobbering down his oafish face. “I am are buying what the humans are liking to be buying.”

I look down at the cucumber, the half-eaten stick of butter, and the condoms, and agree that the combination could indeed be dangerous.

“Yes, very dangerous. Um...do you have...a rewards card?”

Busey recoils like he’s been struck. His eyes go wide and he bears those impossible piano key teeth.

“Cardddddd?” he slurs.

I flick on my checkout station light to indicate I need a manager. Busey looks up, confused, and running his hands through his stringy hair.

“The realms are of the threatening of to merging,” he rasps.

“Sure,” I agree. It’s at this point, the customer behind him, who so happens to be his cohort, approaches, and I shit you not, he looks almost exactly like Danny DeVito, except paler and covered in grease.

“It has been foretold,” DeVito says solemnly in a voice vaguely reminiscent of Sean Connery. “That the Keybearer would react in such a way. So said Lekreshi, Snake Lord of the Black Sun. The moment of triumph is upon us.” He babbles this as snot leaks down his nose onto the collar of his shirt, which I notice, is a women’s designer brand.

“Are we...larping or something?” I ask taking a step back from the counter.

“What are you name?” Busey shouts, drawing the attention of others in the store.

“Liam,” I say. “Liam Conners.”

They freeze. They go rigid. Their eyes shoot wide.

“Uh, what...did I say?”

DeVito tilts his head back. He cranks it back until it’s pointing straight at the ceiling. Green gunk oozes from the side of his mouth as he lets out a guttural cry, sounding like some unholy union between a cockroach and an automotive engine.

“Sccrrrrunnnnnnnkcccchhtch!” Devito wails.

Busey opens his mouth as well, though that’s a bit of an understatement. His jaw unhinges and out from his gullet spring forth scaly, black as night tentacles.

It’s at this point the story gets weird.

The tentacles force their way from his mouth like a creature trying to escape his throat. They’re two fingers thick, and six of them whip out of his mouth, flailing around violently. Busey seems in limited control of the tentacles, stumbling around drunkenly and trying to keep his head raised.

“The transfer is still young. The process is incomplete,” DeVito rasps, green gunk spilling out of his mouth.

I stand back, mouth agape, and convince myself this is a dream. Yep, I’m asleep in my bed, the one spring near the bottom of my mattress pressing up and poking me in the spine. I’ll curse at it when I wake up but boy will I be happy to get out of this nightmare.

I pinch my cheek. I shake my head. Anytime, now. C’mon Liam, wake up and get back to your mediocre existence. Anything is better than this.

Busey slams his hand on the counter and squeezes the edge of it. There’s a crunching sound as the counter gives under the force. The eel-like tentacles are pointed my way now, molesting the air and reaching out for me.

DeVito begins singing in a voice that comes across as static. His tone is deep and rhythmic, like this is some hymn or cultic chant.

“Sommmmmmmeboddddddddddy onccce tollld meeee the worrrrrrrrrld issss gonnnna rolll meeee,” DeVito belts.

“What the fuck?” I whisper. I’m paralyzed, unable to move as the tentacles grow closer. This isn’t real. It can’t be.

“Blooorrck,” Busey grunts as the tentacles extend further from his throat. He’s leaning over the counter as I back up against the wall. The hungry tentacles whip and lash, seeming to grow excited as they approach my face.

“I ainnnnnn’t the sharrrrpest toooooooool in the shedddddddd,” DeVito continues.

“What the hell is going on?” A voice cries. I’m broken from my paralysis and see Shelly rushing towards Busey. She’s coming from behind and can’t see the appendages bursting forth from his mouth.

No, get out of here Shelly! Run! I want to shout the words but they collide in my throat, tumbling out as a stunted croak.

Shelly puts her hand on Busey’s shoulder, meaning to spin him around. When touched, he shoots up straight and rigid.

“Intruder!” he croaks through the tentacles. They vibrate with each word. He spins around to face Shelly.

Shelly’s eyes go wide and all color flees her face. The reality of the nightmare is made apparent to her fragile mind just before Busey strikes. It all happens in a blur, but I’ll never forget the expression engraved on Shelly’s face for that split second. It was absolute horror dashed with bafflement, all coated in a sick layer of acceptance.

She knew what was to come.

“Heyyyyyyy nowwwww you’rreeeeeee an alllll starrrrrrr.”

The tentacles lash at Shelly, stretching to impossible lengths and wrapping themselves around her. Effortlessly, they lift Shelly into the air, Busey craning his neck back as he holds her over himself. The tentacles slither over Shelly’s skin, wrapping themselves around her limbs as she cries out hysterically. Then, they find their targets, burrowing into her flesh like worms into wet soil.

Wiggle, wiggle, slicch, slicch.

Her cries are bloodcurdling.

Chaos ensues. People scream. Some pull out their phones and call the cops. Most run out of the store. Amidst this I’m frozen, heart barely beating, as I watch my manager be drained of blood. The tentacles act like pumps and I hear the suction as they slurp the blood from Shelly’s body, pulsating as they take in her essence. Busey’s eyes are rolled up in the back of his head as he absorbs her lifeforce, a look of ecstasy on his monstrous face.

Shelly is fading. The color is gone from her body, and it looks like she is shriveling up, like the tentacles are a straw as she’s a Capri Sun pouch. The pain in her eyes is rich, and all life is fading from her eyes as her skin goes loose and…

“COWABUNGA MOTHERFUCKERS!” Will yells. I look over and see him flying in on a Razor scooter, kicking the floor with all he has to gain speed. He’s wearing a Chewbacca mask and holding a shovel. He hops off the scooter and it clatters to the floor next to DeVito.

“Hey now, you’re a rock star,” DeVito observes.

“That’s right I am shit-weasel!,” Will shouts. He presses the side of his mask, which lets out an electronic Chewbacca roar, before he lays into DeVito with the shovel, striking him in the crotch.

DeVito doubles over, gasping for air. “A...all...t-that...gl-glitters...is….g-gold,” he sputters.

“ONLY SHOOTING STARS BREAK THE MOLD!” Will screams before bashing DeVito on the back of the head. He falls to the ground, writhing and sputtering.

Will presses the side of his mask, letting out another Chewbacca roar as he shouts, “Can you DIG it, sucka?!”

Shelly is nothing more than a ragged corpse now, skin hanging off her bones, eyes sunken in and nearly falling out of their sockets. The tentacles discard her, tossing her aside like garbage. Busey turns his attention to Will, tentacles whipping and lashing his way.

He’s going to kill him. I have to do something. I have to save my best friend.

Will is approaching, shovel wound up behind him like a baseball bat, when I strike. I fumble behind the counter for anything I can find. Anything to help my friend, and I throw the first thing I get my hands on.

It soars through the air and my aim is true.

The pack of menthol cigarettes connects with the side of Busey’s face. He winces, and one of the tentacles catches the pack before it hits the ground. The tentacles rip the pack apart and bury themselves into the cigarettes, sucking them dry just like they did Shelly.

Busey stumbles, going pale. He lets out a series of coughs and for a moment the tentacles go limp. He holds his head and tries to regain his composure.

The cigarettes. He must not have liked them.

“Ha,” Will shouts. “Didn’t your mom ever tell you not to smoke? Well, too bad for you because the only thing worse for you than cigarettes is a shovel….to….your...nads.” Will presses the button but the Chewbacca cry doesn’t come. He runs forward and swings the shovel, throwing his whole body into it. The head of the shovel connects with Busey’s crotch, letting out a loud thunk in the process.

Busey doesn’t crumple. He doesn’t even react to the shot. He still seems to be recovering from the menthols.

Fuck this. I can’t let Will go at it alone.

I grab a plastic bag and hop on top of the counter. Busey is hunched over slightly so I have my angle. I jump onto his back and pull the plastic bag over his face. The tentacles are forced downward and hang limply from his mouth as I yank the bag and suffocate him.

“Fuck yeah!” Will shouts as he brings the shovel back and busts Busey’s balls again.

Busey is getting a little more life in him. He’s wheezing as he stumbles about, each motion with more force. I feel the tremor of the tentacles as they shake and come back to life. I don’t think I’m going to be able to hold him.

Thunk! Will slams Busey in the dick again.

“Sterrrp….sterrrp crunching my balls,” Busey coughs. Just then he’s back, snapping up like a rodeo bull. I’m nearly thrown from his body. The tentacles spring to life and cut through the plastic bag, leaving it as shreds in my hands. They launch forward and seize the shovel, yanking it from Will. They waive it above Busey’s head like a spoil of war, and I wonder if they’re about to bash me with it.

“Playground tactics!” I cry, letting go of Busey and falling to the ground. I crouch behind him, pressed right to his legs.

Will gets it.

He picks up the scooter with both hands and raises it above his head. Will whips it around in a circle, like it’s a flail, and the stand of the scooter picks up speed. The tentacles pull the shovel back like they’re going to swing it but Will is too fast. He charges forward and blasts Busey in the chest with the scooter, wheel hitting him dead center. Busey is hulking and powerful, the shot barely sends him back, but I’m right under his feet.

“Werrrt therrr ferrrrk?” Busey cries as he falls backwards over me. There’s a deafening crack and wet thud as he bashes his head off a nearby display shelf. I scramble to my feet and witness the result of our attack.

Busey is out of commission, at least for the time being. He’s laying in a heap, head tilted against the display shelf. There’s a puddle of black liquid congregating around his head, his eyes rolled up in the back of his head. The fall caused him to bite down on the tentacles. Some of them hang from his mouth like half slurped spaghetti, while others are severed in two. The bitten ones wiggle on the floor like fish out of water. After thrashing for a few moments, they straighten themselves out, and as if coordinated, slither towards me, a thick trail of black ooze left behind with each motion.

“I….like….girls that wear Abercrombie and Fitch…” DeVito rasps. Will and I turn back to him and see him rising to his feet. Boils have overtaken every visible inch of his flesh, and through their thin membrane is something contained in them.

Something wiggling.

They look like worms, or a smaller version of the Busey tentacles. Either way, Will and I don’t want to find out.

“I’d take her if I had one wish,” DeVito grunts as he gets back to his feet. “But she’s been gone since that summer.” There’s a pause, and then his eyes shoot to us, resolute with as much purpose as they are malevolent hatred.

“Since that summer,” DeVito snarls.

“Fuck this, let’s go,” I shout and start running towards the exit.

“That song blows, bro!” Will says before pressing his Chewbacca mask, letting out another valiant electronic cry before he hops on the scooter and pedals his way behind me.

We scramble out of the store into the cool night, the chaos of songs and shouts left behind us and the calamity of sirens ahead a mere taste of the insanity yet to come.

[askadrugnerd]

Let’s Pretend People On r/drugs/ Want My Opinions Pt. 1

Is there any drug better than alcohol for hitting on girls?

Maybe phenibut? Maybe cocaine if you guys are into that? I dunno, not that many. It’s a classic for a reason.

Watched a Guy Inject Mountain Dew and Meth

I’m gonna say maybe don’t hang out with him again?

Is it possible to get high on pesticides?

Oh dear god no please do not try.

The more dangerous drugs make me feel good and others make me nervous and paranoid and my life's shit so I'm kinda worried

Oof. Right in the feels. Yeah, that can happen when you have depression/anxiety and I wish it was the sort of thing you could give useful advice on. The fact that you’re self-aware enough to realize this early makes me hopeful that you’ll do alright. If you can already sense that certain drugs could be a problem for you, you can steer yourself away from situations where you’ll be tempted to do them. Pull back on hanging out with people who do them, delete a certain dealer’s number from your phone, make a conscious choice to do something different instead. And please don’t be afraid to tell somebody if you feel like you’re spiraling out of control. *hugs*

What happens when an individual with autism takes medical marijuana?

They get high? I actually have no idea how it would be different, but I would love to hear from someone who has autism about their experience! There are also some people using CBD to “treat” autism, but you seem to only ever hear from parents of autistic kids and not from patients themselves, so I don’t have a good idea of the promising science to hippie bullshit ratio.

What’s phenibut supposed to do?

In the parts of the world where phenibut is a prescription drug, it’s basically intended to be an anti-anxiety medication that fucks you up less than Xanax. So that’s what it does. If you are generally not an anxious person, the effects might be so subtle you barely notice. If you do have anxiety you will probably like it a lot.

Does cocaine use change your body odor?

Taking stimulants can make you extra sweaty, so it’s probably that? Go take a shower.

[cdrforea]

Awesome Tech You Can't Buy Yet: This Week's Top Crowdfunding Projects

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Awesome Tech You Can't Buy Yet: This Week's Top Crowdfunding Projects

Around a dozen different crowdfunding campaigns take place on the Internet at any time. Take a stroll through Kickstarter or Indiegogo and you won't find a shortage of strange, useless and downright stupid projects – alongside some real gems. We cut through the fidgety spinners and nervous iPhone cases to summarize this week's most unusual, ambitious, and exciting new crowdfunding projects. Remember that any crowdfunding project – even the one with the best intentions – can fail. So do your homework before issuing a check for the gadget of your dreams.

April 5

Eyesy – video synthesizer

When it comes to creating and mixing sounds, you have countless tools at your disposal. We have musical instruments, MIDI controllers, synthesizers, loop pedals, drum pads and all kinds of digital audio workstations that you can use to mix everything together. But when it comes to visuals, artists don't really have many tools at their disposal. Eyesy wants to change that. It is a video synthesizer that allows you to create reactive graphics that respond to music in real time.

Arebo – full body dryer

Do you know the high-speed “Airblade” blow dryer from Dyson, which dries your hands so quickly that towels are no longer required? Now someone has taken the same concept to the next level and developed a device that blow-dries your entire body and thus makes the use of bath towels unnecessary. Strange? Yes. Tempting? Also yes.

Tau – keychain power bank

This thing has no revolutionary technology under the hood. If you tackle it, it's really just a portable battery. But what makes it brilliant is the fact that it's designed to work like a keychain – making sure you have it with you whenever you leave the house. The best? It also comes with a wall-mounted docking station and makes charging the battery as easy as hanging the keychain. Pretty smart, isn't it?

Astro Slide – 5G smartphone with physical keyboard

Physical keyboards on cell phones are a rarity these days, but apparently there is still a passionate community that keeps them alive. The latest addition to this category is the Astro Slide – a kind of smartphone / laptop hybrid. It not only runs on Android and works like a real smartphone, but also has a pull-out screen on which you can use the phone like a miniature laptop. I'm not going to lie – despite the fact that I know this thing is a typing nightmare, I still want one.

Talobrush – ultra-fast toothbrush

Are you tired of all the squeezing, scrubbing, spitting, rinsing, gargling and flossing that is needed to keep your pearl white hair clean? For decades, the electric toothbrush has been your only use for this tedious task. While these automatically oscillating tooth washers are definitely a step in the right direction, they don't remove the hassle and time spent brushing your teeth. This is where Talobrush comes in. It's a new age toothbrush that (supposedly) ends work in a fraction of the time.

March 29

Supercalla – magnetic, self-organizing charging cable

Cables are an annoying but necessary part of life. No matter how hard you try, they always seem to get tangled and disorganized. But what if they didn't? What if they could organize themselves and stay tidy all the time? This is exactly the idea behind Supercalla – a clever new cable system that snaps together with a series of magnets so that it is always organized.

Hygiene hand – EDC door opener

Thanks to the unprecedented virus outbreak we are currently living in, it may not be 100% safe to touch public door handles and press buttons for a while. So what do you do when you are inevitably in a situation where you have to push a button or pull a handle? Answer: You blow this cute little EDC hook / push button tool out and open the door. I would not be surprised if these things soon appeared everywhere.

Arcade Blaster – FPS Motion Controller

Do you remember the cute handgun controller you played Duck Hunt with in the good old days? Well, that's so on meth. It's a system that lets you get rid of your regular joystick controller and play FPS games by pointing / shooting at a pistol-shaped controller – a controller that's filled with high-precision accelerometers To give you additional accuracy.

Waffle Wow – building block waffle iron

This is perhaps the most brilliant thing I've seen on Kickstarter for months. It is a waffle maker that, thanks to its unique design, creates waffle pieces that can be torn apart to create Lego-like bricks that can then be stacked together into things. I honestly feel cheated that it didn't exist as a child.

Deskspace – relief plate for the lunar surface

Deskspace was created using data from NASA's Lunar Reconnaissance Orbiter and shows the topography of the other side of the moon – in high fidelity – using concrete. It's definitely not the most useful thing on this list, but it's certainly a conversation starter. How many people can say that they have a real 3D relief map of the lunar surface in their house?

March 22

Keyboardio Atreus – ultra-minimalistic mechanical keyboard

Kickstarter has done thousands of keyboard projects in the past decade, but this is definitely one of the best ever. It is a wired mechanical keyboard that has been reduced to the essentials without compromising on comfort and performance. Indeed, it is so reduced that, despite the lack of a folding or collapsing function, it is still small and portable enough to fit easily in a backpack.

Photonbar – programmable light wand

One of my favorite Kickstarer projects of all time is the PixelStick: an electrified rail with 200 programmable LEDs, with which you can take the most amazing light painting photos of all time. Photonbar is essentially the same idea, but in a smaller and somewhat less cumbersome form factor – and also at a significantly lower price. If you are interested in creative photography, you should definitely take a look at this thing.

Sensforce Chair Extreme – haptic feedback gaming chair

Modern video games are pretty much chosen in terms of picture and sound, but when it comes to physical feelings, they're still relatively boring. The best we get is really just vibrating controllers. Sensforce wants to change this with an innovative new haptic gaming chair that vibrates in three different zones. The coolest thing about it is that it relies solely on audio signals, so you don't need any special drivers or plugins to work with your system. Just plug it in and let's go!

The Babymaker – secret electric racing bike

There are umpteen e-bike projects on Kickstarter and Indiegogo, but only a few are as sophisticated as this one. It is an e-bike that intentionally does not look like an e-bike, but still offers all the advantages of an e-bike. The Babymaker's battery is hidden in its normal-looking frame and has variable pedal support – but this is where the modern bells and whistles stop. You won't find any unnecessary mobile apps or annoying software updates on this bike, and that's on purpose.

Techwrap – electronic multi-purpose gear protection

This thing is just awesome. It's easy, because all it really is is a well-designed cloth that you can use to wrap your camera equipment and electronics. It is brilliant because this simple design enables it to perform multiple functions. It can be a waterproof / dirt-repellent gear packaging, a platform for your lenses, or even a microfiber cleaning cloth. It is entirely up to you and can be changed at any time.

March, 15

Tucktek – origami kayak

Kayaking is amazing, but one of the big downsides of the sport is the cumbersome nature of the equipment. To participate, you usually need to buy special frames for your car to transport them. But what if it didn't have to be that way? What if your kayak could fit in the trunk of your car? This is exactly the idea behind Tucktek's foldable kayak. Thanks to some origami magic, this little sucker collapses into a shape that is so small that you can easily install three of them in a normal trunk.

Oros Apparel – Airgel-insulated outerwear

In general, most insulated jackets use animal-derived materials (or are inspired by them) – such as wool and down. But while natural materials certainly do the trick, there are certain artificial materials that are far better insulators. Take airgel for example. Airgel is a synthetic substance that is obtained from a gel that weighs almost nothing and yet has the lowest thermal conductivity of all available materials. In fact, it's so good that NASA uses airgel as the primary thermal insulation in spacesuits – and now Oros has figured out how to put it in a number of jackets.

Himo – ultra compact folding e-bike

Folding bikes keep getting better and at this point I'm not sure how it's possible. This latest entry in the category is called Himo and is not only smaller than any other folding bike I've ever seen, but also fully electric. If you live in a place where there are hardly any suitable bicycle parking spaces, or if you are only worried about thieves, this is ideal. Instead of locking it, you can simply fold up the frame, pick up the entire bike, and carry it to the safety of your office or home. Pretty neat, isn't it?

Atypical cosmetics – AI-curated skin care

Every skin is different. Why are skin care products basically still a one-size-fits-all solution? Sure, there are some brand-to-brand and formula-to-formula differences, but lotions and moisturizers definitely don't consider your exact needs. Atypical cosmetics wants to change that and has an A.I. Supported customization platform to make this possible.

A-Zero – compostable plastic bags

There is currently a big movement going on to end the use of single-use plastic, but while it is all good and beautiful, there is no denying that plastic bags are still extremely useful and practical for certain situations. But what if you could still get all this ease and convenience without harming the planet? This is exactly the goal of A-Zero bags. They are made from plant cellulose and are broken down quickly after being thrown away.

8th of March

Prompt – eye-free watch

I'm kind of obsessed with the concept behind this watch. It's designed to be completely “eye-free” – so you don't have to look at it to determine the time. Instead, hold your finger on your face and there will be a brief burst of haptic vibrations telling you what time it is. The idea is that since there is no screen and you can check it without looking at it, you can be present in conversations and meetings.

Fire ant – fire starter for Swiss Army Knives

This thing is definitely one of the most brilliant products I've ever seen on Kickstarter. Do you know all the empty space in the corkscrew of a Swiss Army knife? The fire ant fills this room with something extremely useful: an ultra-compact fire start kit. The outer shell, which is screwed neatly into the corkscrew, consists partly of scale covered with wax. If you remove that, you'll find a flint that you can hit the back of your knife to create a spark that ignites the above-mentioned tinder. How awesome is that?!

Moft Z – flat desk stand

Standing desk kits are certainly nothing new at the moment. These devices, with which you can transform your existing desk into a standing desk by lifting a platform, have been around for almost as long as standing desks. Although Moft Z is the youngest participant in an already full category, it's something special. Thanks to its clever origami-like design, this sucker sits almost completely flat when not in use.

Freebord 5x – snowboard-like skateboard

Skateboards are undoubtedly a great tool for getting around a city, but they also require some practice to get used to – and much of that practice is usually spent learning how to brake properly. Freebord circumvents this problem with a super clever truck and steering wheel system that makes it easier for you to carry out a sliding brake – similar to a snowboard. This is the fifth generation of this design. As someone who drove (and crashed!) A few times in the first generation, I'm here to tell you that this is a massive improvement.

Impossible table – Tensegrity desk toy

If there is one thing, there will always be enough at Kickstarter, it is desk toys. Specifically, machined metal desk toys that have some sort of inspiring physical or mechanical phenomenon. Impossible Table fits this description to a T. It is a machined metal desk toy that demonstrates the concept of tensegrity: the characteristic property of a stable three-dimensional structure, which consists of connected elements under tension and not compressed elements.

1st March

Litta – solar powered bike light

Solar-powered bicycle lights are not a new idea at the moment, but they are not particularly common either. Why? Until recently, small solar panels simply couldn't absorb energy quickly enough to be useful in a bicycle light. This is different. Thanks to its high-end solar module and energy-saving LED lamp, Litta can fully charge in just a few hours and will work for years without ever having to be plugged in – even if you live in an area where this is not the case don't get much direct sunshine.

Locomoco – Screenless Coding Teacher

Robots that teach children to code are a dozen these days. Most take the same idea slightly differently, but Locomoco is different. Of all the coding robots we've ever seen on Kickstarter, it's probably one of the coolest. Why? It not only looks and works like a normal toy train set, but is also meant to teach children (or adults!) The basics of coding and computer logic without forcing them to stare dead-eyed at a tablet or smartphone screen. In this way, users can learn through a more tactile and practical process.

Kolude KD-1 Keyhub – multi-port keyboard

Warning: this keyboard will annoy you. Why? Because it's so easy that you wonder why no computer or peripheral manufacturer has ever done this. It is a keyboard with all the ports you could ever need: HDMI, USB, SD, USB C and a handful of others. This essentially means that you can connect it to everything, connect everything to it, and not have to reach for the back of your computer tower every time you plug in a flash drive or connect a new display. Seriously, why isn't this already a standard design feature on all keyboards?

Solid State Watch – buttonless, immutable wristwatch

This is one of those artistic, high profile Kickstarter projects that are unlikely to be mass appeal but are also so fun and extensive that I couldn't resist including it in this summary. Here's the idea: When you order one, the developers basically take the courage out of a Casio F-91W and pour it permanently into a transparent resin shell. Once this is done, you can no longer mess with it. No buttons, no functions, no nothing. Similar to time itself, it is immutable and beyond your control. It will just continue until the battery runs out and dies.

Ultrasound – ultrasonic cleaner

Ultrasona is a portable ultrasonic washing machine. Sounds crazy, doesn't it? How it works: When the transducer is immersed in water and turned on, it emits ultrasonic vibrations that create tiny cavitation bubbles in the water that violently move dirt, grime, and bacteria on everything you wash – wash and disinfect at the same time. This exact same technology is used on a larger scale in chemical laboratories, where it is referred to as ultrasound treatment. With Ultrasona, you can finally get this technology in a practical and fully portable form factor. Imagine – you could wash your clothes in a hotel pool!

February 23

Rocketbook Orbit – reusable notepad

If you haven't heard of Rocketbook yet, miss it. The company makes these amazing notebooks that are infinitely reusable and also allow you to sync / store your notes in the cloud. I'm a big fan. However, the company's newest product is not a notebook at all – it is a notepad that comes with a single, infinitely reusable sheet for your notes. Stop wasting paper just so you can write things down!

Vector Unleashed – Open source toolkit for Vector

Do you remember Vector? The adorable little A.I. Anki robot? After conquering the hearts of geeks around the world, the creators of poor little guy went bankrupt in 2019 and no longer offered updates / support. But now, if this Kickstarter project reaches its funding goal, vector owners may soon be able to revive their little robo friends and keep them moving for years to come.

Clicbot – modular robot system

Robots that teach children to code are a dozen these days. Most just pick up the exact same idea, but Clicbot is special. Of all the coding robots we've ever seen on Kickstarter, it's probably one of the best. Why? Not only is it incredibly simple and modular, it is also intended to teach children (or adults!) The basics of coding and computer logic without relying solely on a screen. This way, they don't have to stare into a tablet with their eyes dead and can learn through a more tactile and practical process.

Midea – U-shaped window AC

If you have ever installed a window AC unit, you know firsthand how cumbersome and annoying the process is. Not only do you have to build a suitable platform for the device, you also have to close the gap in your window. If you are like me it usually means that you chop up a box and accidentally tape it up to you I have a decent seal. Midea mitigates it all. It is equipped with an integrated mounting system and a clever U-shaped design, with which you can better close your window and avoid large gaps. One wonders why AC devices were not designed in this way from the start.

Makeway – modular marble track

Do you remember the reconfigurable marble toys you had as a child? Makeway is basically that, but with a handful of modern twists. First and foremost, all parts are magnetic and designed to adhere to vertical surfaces such as a refrigerator or whiteboard, so they don't take up space. Second, they are completely modular and can therefore be rearranged to create a virtually infinite number of configurations.

February 9th

Lomo Perzval 80.5 – Bokeh Art lens

Are you tired of the pictures you can take with your standard camera lenses? Check out Lomography. The NYC-based lens company has been manufacturing oddball lenses for years and is now back at Kickstarter with its twelfth (twelfth!) Project, the Perzval 80.5 Art Lens. It is essentially an artificial lens inspired by a 180-year-old 19th century design by photographer Joseph Perzval. It is equipped with some unusual functions that give your photos a unique bokeh effect and make the lens particularly suitable for portrait photography.

Solidtekniks Bigga – wrought iron pan

Cast iron pans are in many ways the best cooking device ever. They offer extremely uniform and even warmth. You can put them in the oven. If you take good care of them, they will last a lifetime. But they also have some disadvantages. Not only is it a pain, it is also ridiculously heavy. Fortunately, Solidteknics has come up with an ingenious solution to this problem: use wrought iron instead of cast iron. The company's new range of pans is said to cook and behave just like traditional cast iron, but without being so heavy and stubborn.

Fork knife – reusable flatware

As the movement to reduce disposable plastic continues to gain momentum, there are dozens of startups that are trying to sell you collapsible / reusable straws and dinnerware – especially at Kickstarter. While these products are undoubtedly useful, they are also not very practical. You have to remember to take them everywhere so they are useful. That's what makes Forkaknife so neat. It is a fork and knife that can be stowed in a wallet-sized tote bag so you can easily put it in a handbag or wallet and have it with you at all times.

Nireeka Prime – fat tire e-bike

Electric bikes are certainly nothing new at the moment. Electric mountain bikes are also not. But electric fat tire bikes? There aren't many of them on the market right now – but funding Nireeka Prime would help change that. It is essentially a standard e-mountain bike equipped with ultra-wide tires that allow you to ride on a wider variety of terrain types – including sand and packed snow. The result is that fat bikes are usually a little harder to pedal, but the electric motor will help you overcome this and plow through any terrain you encounter.

Hunu – collapsible, reusable coffee cup

Disposable paper cups may not sound as bad as plastic bags or Keurig bowls, but despite their recyclability, most of them still end up in landfills. For this reason, a duo from London has developed a solution as part of their ongoing efforts to get disposable items out of circulation: a cleverly designed cup that thanks to its unique shape can be folded up so that you can take it anywhere and avoid it first Line the use of disposable cups.

February 2nd

Round – smart ring

Smart rings are certainly not a new idea at the moment, but this is probably one of the best ever. In addition to all the “intelligent” features we expect from wrist-wearables – things like step tracking, heart rate monitoring, and sleep monitoring – it's small enough that it doesn't interfere. That is the big deal here. Unlike most smart rings we've seen in the past, this one is actually quite slim and discreet. Despite its impressively small dimensions, the battery is somehow full enough to last two full days between charges.

Jollylook – vintage style instant camera

Instant cameras are currently very popular. Maybe it's nostalgia for the Polaroid days of yore, maybe it's a manifestation of our unconscious desire for tangibility in a world where everything is digital. Who knows. Regardless of the reasons behind it, instant cameras are experiencing a renaissance. Jollybook is the latest entry into this booming subcategory and was designed with an aesthetic that's even older than the Polaroid cameras that started the trend.

The Mars Atlas – detailed map of Mars

Who doesn't love a good map book? This is probably a little bit different from the one you saw in the past as it is a different planet than the one you and I inhabit. "The Mars Atlas is the first of its kind to contain amazingly detailed maps of the entire Martian surface," the book's authors explain. “With the Atlas, designed by a team of astrocartographers, you can unleash your inner explorer and learn more about the Red Planet to your heart's content. No more science fiction, now you can discover Mars mountains, valleys and river beds – many of which are still unnamed. "

Last Tissue – reusable handkerchief system

Disposable items follow the path of the dodos. It started with plastic bags. Then we went to plastic straws. More recently, there has been a movement to eradicate things like plastic utensils, plastic wrap, and even cotton swabs. When it comes to last tissue, disposable facial tissues like Kleenex tissues are used next on the chopping block. How? To make this possible, the company has developed a sophisticated reusable handkerchief system that makes using old-school handkerchiefs a little more convenient and hygienic than before.

Bay – redesigned litter box

Cat toilets are hardly well designed. Most are just injection molded plastic boxes built exclusively to hold cat litter. But they could (and should) do much more. That's the thought behind Cove – a well thought-out cat litter box with built-in tools (like a shovel and broom to clean up stray debris) that address the reality of owning a cat and cleaning it up afterwards.

January 26th

Nebia by Moen – highly efficient shower

If you haven't heard of Nebia yet, you've lived under a rock. The company basically produces crazy, efficient shower heads that use 65 percent less water than conventional shower heads – and yet pour over enough to provide an adequate shower experience. After two extremely successful Kickstarter campaigns, it is again available with a third generation product – this time in collaboration with Moen. If you're looking for a water-saving shower head on the market, you've come to the right place.

Glamos – Lidar-based gesture control

The thing looks pretty cute. It is essentially a small electronic component that allows you to use gesture control for any screen thanks to extremely clever technology – regardless of whether it is "intelligent" or not. The secret? Lidar: The same technology with which self-driving cars “see” their surroundings. This technology records what you do with your hands, translates those movements into commands, and then sends them to the screen to which you connected them. Pretty cool, isn't it?

Bilby – waterproof silicone headlight

Headlights are a dozen these days. They are available in almost every shape, size and configuration that you could ever need. Regardless of what sport you do, there is likely to be one that is specifically designed for this activity – unless you need a sweat-proof sport. Virtually all of them are equipped with elastic fabric headbands that tend to absorb sweat and get nasty over time. But not this one! The Bilby is made of 100% silicone (and is also waterproof!) So that it doesn't absorb your forehead sweat.

Baha – shovel multitool

Multitools are certainly not a new idea when it comes to outdoor / survival gear, but the Baha shovel is fundamentally different from the leathermans and pocket knives you are probably used to. Instead of putting a few tools in the handle of a folding knife, the creators of this monstrosity decided to put them in the handle of a shovel. The result is a multifunctional outdoor tool with 21 different functions, most of which are simply not available with something as small as a pocket knife.

Porfee – blackhead vacuum

This is definitely one of the roughest, yet strangely appealing things I've ever seen at Kickstarter. Do you know these hand-held facial vacuum cleaners that suck blackheads out of your pores? Das ist es, aber mit einer Kamera, die in die Düse eingebettet und mit einem Video-Uplink ausgestattet ist – so können Sie sie mit Ihrem Telefon synchronisieren und in Echtzeit beobachten, wie sich die Mitesser aus Ihrer Haut winden. Und ja, es gibt sogar eine soziale Funktion, mit der Sie Clips aufnehmen und in sozialen Medien teilen können. Wer daran gedacht hat, ist ein ekelhaftes Genie.

19. Januar

Platyball Elite – Stativkopf mit automatischer Nivellierung

Hier ist ein kurzer Ausschnitt aus dem vollständigen Artikel, den wir Anfang dieser Woche über dieses Gizmo geschrieben haben. „Anstatt eine kleine Nivellierblase zu verwenden, verwendet der Platyball Elite ein elektronisches Nivelliersystem – ähnlich dem System in einigen Digitalkameras, das anzeigt, wann der Horizont schief ist. Durch dieses elektronische Design kann auf das Nivelliersystem über einen hintergrundbeleuchteten Bildschirm zugegriffen werden. Dieser Bildschirm ist nachts sichtbar, zusammen mit der Option, die Kamera so zu positionieren, dass der Bildschirm von der Vorderseite der Kamera aus sichtbar ist.

Die elektronische Wasserwaage ist nicht das einzige merkwürdige Merkmal am Stativkopf. Laut Platypod ist das Design des Kopfes auf den Kopf gestellt, wobei sich der Schwenkteller oben statt unten befindet. Mit diesem Schalter können Fotografen und Videofilmer die Kamera in einer geraden Linie schwenken, auch wenn die Stativbeine selbst nicht perfekt waagerecht sind. "

Tribotex Transmission – Reparatur von Nanotech-Getrieben

Trotz der Tatsache, dass Tech-Experten seit Jahrzehnten das Lob der Nanotechnologie singen, hat dies das Leben alltäglicher Menschen noch nicht wirklich beeinflusst. Zum Glück holt unsere Technologie endlich unsere Vorstellungen ein und taucht in der realen Welt auf. Ein typisches Beispiel? Dieses verrückte neue Reparatursystem für Nanotech-Getriebe von TriboTex. Es ist eines von wenigen nanotechbasierten Produkten, die nicht nur praktisch sind, sondern auch dem Durchschnittsverbraucher zur Verfügung stehen. Normalerweise wäre ich so etwas ziemlich skeptisch, aber das erste Produkt des Unternehmens war absolut legitim, daher habe ich hier keinen Grund, daran zu zweifeln.

Sinex – 3-in-1-Laptoptasche

Dies ist eines der einfachsten und zugleich brillantesten Designs, die ich seit Jahren bei Kickstarter gesehen habe. Es handelt sich um eine Laptoptasche, die sich aufgrund ihrer cleveren Konstruktion zu einem Laptopständer entwickelt – einer mit gepolsterter Handballenauflage. Es ist sogar in verschiedenen Gr��ßen erhältlich. Unabhängig von den Abmessungen Ihres Laptops gibt es wahrscheinlich ein Modell, in das es passt.

Shark Electric – elektrisches Skateboard

Elektrische Skateboards sind heutzutage ein Dutzend, aber dieses sieht aus verschiedenen Gründen interessant aus. In erster Linie ist es das erste elektrische Skateboard, das wir von Shark gesehen haben – einem Unternehmen, das damit begonnen hat, die seltsam geformten Räder herzustellen, die Sie im obigen Video sehen. Zweitens ist es anscheinend auch das dünnste Board im Spiel und verfügt über Geschwindigkeits- / Reichweitenangaben, die einige der derzeit beliebtesten und am besten bewerteten Skateboards auf dem Markt übertreffen. Farbe uns fasziniert.

Foldyroll – wiederverwendbare Tasche im Akkordeonstil

Wenn Sie noch keine Papier- und Plastiktüten weggeworfen und auf den wiederverwendbaren Taschenwagen gesprungen sind, ist es höchste Zeit, dass Sie dem Planeten einen Gefallen tun und sich der Party anschließen. Wiederverwendbare Taschen können jetzt fast überall gekauft werden, sodass Sie zu diesem Zeitpunkt keine Ausreden mehr haben. Wenn Sie jedoch immer noch auf dem Markt für eine wiederverwendbare Tasche sind, sieht diese ziemlich süß aus. Es hat ein Akkordeon-Design, das es ermöglicht, es in der kompaktesten / bequemsten Form aller Zeiten zusammenzufalten.

29. Dezember

Onpark 3 – elektrisches Skateboard

Electric skateboards are a dime a dozen these days, but this one has a feature that puts it a cut above the rest: a swappable battery system. That means that if you’re riding and the battery dies, you don’t have to find a charger and wait for an hour while the battery tops off. Instead, you can just click in a new cell and keep riding. It’s honestly a mystery why this feature isn’t more common on electric skateboards.

Flash Forest — drone reforestation squad

Ever since the industrial revolution, humanity has been fighting an uphill battle against deforestation. Despite the best efforts of conservationists, the world either burns or cuts down about 10 billion more trees than it replants each year — a problem that has big implications for climate change. Environmental organizations have been trying (and failing) to reverse this trend for decades, but Flash Forest thinks it can succeed where others have failed. How? By enlisting an army of seed-bombing drones to autonomously replant trees faster than mere humans ever could.

Skill board — 360-degree balance board

Balance boards are an amazing training tool, but the vast majority of them — the ones that are basically a plank that sits atop a cylinder — only teach you how to balance from left to right. The Skill Board is different, though. This cruel bastard puts you on top of a mildly-squishy sphere, thereby forcing you to engage more muscles in order to keep your balance and stay stable. If you’re looking to build your core muscles and boost your balance skills, this thing is worth checking out.

Alfred — robotic AI assistant

AI assistants have progressed in leaps and bounds in the past few years, but Alfred wants to kick things up a notch further. He’s basically an AI assistant with a robotic body. This allows him to do things that Siri and Alexa can’t — like following you around your apartment, understanding his environment, and projecting images and video onto your walls. It’s a neat idea, and could very well usher in a new era for AI assistants

XEV Yoyo — 3D printed electric car

This one is pretty sweet. It’s a 3D printed electric car that’s made with just 57 components — a massive step down from the thousands of parts that make up a conventional car. This essentially makes it cheaper to produce, which allows XEV to sell it for under $7K. In terms of specs, the Yoyo’s 10-horsepower electric motor gives it a 43-mph top speed, while a 9.2-kilowatt-hour battery pack provides enough juice for a claimed 93 miles of driving.

December 22

Mantour X — self-balancing e-scooter

This thing is a self-balancing scooter — but it’s not self-balancing in the way you’re used to seeing. Instead of balancing for you while you ride, it’s designed to balance itself on one wheel when you’re not riding. The idea is that this makes it easier to transport, since you don’t actually have to carry it. Pretty clever stuff!

JBL Reflect — solar-powered headphones

What if you never had to charge your wireless headphones again? What if they could juice themselves up as you walked around and went about your day? Well, that’s basically what JBL is promising with it’s new Reflect headphones. Thanks to a headband that’s covered in solar cells, the phones can allegedly stay powered indefinitely with just 2.5 hours of light exposure per day

Cameradactyl Bracopan — 3d printable film camera

This project is awesome. This dude Ethan Moses has been designing and selling amazing 3D printed cameras for the past few years, and now he’s on Kickstarter selling the STL files so that other people can build them, using their own tools and equipment. The best? You can get your hands on all the files and instructions you need for just $1. That means he’s going to need a LOT of people to back the project in order to meet his $12K funding goal!

Fingerbot — multi-use IoT switch

Want to transform your home into an internet-connected smart home, but don’t want to spend a fortune on upgrading every single switch, thermostat, and appliance you own? Fingerbot is for you. It’s essentially a little IoT module with an adhesive patch on one end and an actuator on the other. The idea is that you can stick it onto the things you already own and use Fingerbot to activate them remotely by physically flipping the switch or pressing the button.

Boost — powered surfing fin

Why paddle your surfboard when you could slap a motor on it instead? That’s the premise behind Boost, an exceptionally clever surfboard fin that’s equipped with a propellor. When not in use, the fin’s design allows your board to glide through the water just like any other board — but when you power it on, the propellor provides a quick power boost to kick you forward. No more laborious paddling out to the surf, or missing swells due to lack of speed!

December 15

Draft Top — Beer can top remover

If you’re a beer drinker, you’ll want to check this thing out. You know how you can drink beer faster if you poke a hole in the lid? Well the Draft Top lets you you take that idea to a whole new level. Instead of just poking a hole, this clever little tool allows you to completely remove the top portion of the can altogether, effectively transforming your can into a cup. Best of all, it does this without creating any sharp edges, so you’re free to chug as recklessly as you want.

Ode Brew Grinder — variable coarseness coffee grinder

Do you need a $225 coffee grinder? Probably not. You can get a passable one on Amazon for like 30 bucks. But if you are a coffee nerd and you care deeply about quality and consistency, you should probably check this one out. Thanks to its innovative grinder design, the Ode Brew Grinder allows you to dictate the size of your grind and get predictable, precise particles every time. This essentially means you can get the perfect grind for whatever type of coffee you’re making — be it French press, pour over, or even espresso.

EO Blaster — chemical-free cleaning system

What if you didn’t have to use harsh chemicals to clean your countertops? What if you never had to buy those chemicals ever again and could instead use a magical contraption that transforms tap water into a powerful disinfectant using nothing but electricity? Sounds awesome, right? Well, that’s exactly what the EO Blaster does. To clean things around your house, it uses electrolyzed water — which sounds like total BS, but it’s actually legit, and was developed in Japan to sanitize high-bacteria environments like sushi restaurants, without introducing harmful chemicals.

Mova — zip-on waterproof cycling pants

You know those snap-off pants that athletes sometimes wear before a game to warm up? The ones that, due to their unique design, can be put on or taken off without removing your shoes? Well, Mova Cycling has basically taken that exact same idea and applied it to a set of rain pants for cyclists. The only difference is that, instead of buttons, these pants are designed with zippers — so unfortunately you can’t rip them off triumphantly after you finish locking up and head into your office building.

Bagel jeans — made-to-measure jeans by mail

About a year ago, a company named Bagel took Kickstarter by storm with an innovative new take on the traditional tape measure. Instead of metal tape with markings etched onto it, the Bagel tape measure uses a piece of string and a digital readout that displays the current extended length. Now, the company is back with a new project that uses the aformentioned tape measure tech for a specific purpose: generating made-to-measure jeans you can order online. Check out the video — it’s pretty damn clever.

December 8

Space 3D — affordable SLA printer

It used to be that SLA 3D printers were expensive and out-of-reach for the average consumer,  but that’s now beginning to change. Thanks in large part to crowdfunding platforms like Kickstarter and Indiegogo, these kinds of printers have become drastically more affordable and available in the past couple years. Nowadays there are a bunch of them that you can get for less than $1,000, and there’s a boatload more currently in development.

The latest one to hit the crowdfunding scene is Space 3D — a highly affordable SLA/DLP printer that, despite costing just $600 on Kickstarter, comes with a range of high-end features that you typically only see on machines that cost upward of $1,500. Most notably, it has an absolutely massive build envelope that allows you to print bigger parts and pump out more stuff

Gluon — programmable robotic arm

If you’ve ever dreamed of having an automated assistant similar to Tony Stark’s JARVIS robot, you should probably stop whatever you’re doing right now and go check out Hexbot on Kickstarter. In contrast to robotic assistant devices geared specifically towards makers and designers, Hexbot is a robot arm that can serve virtually any purpose around the home, from artistic projects to 3D printing to stirring your coffee. It’s equipped with computer vision and visual processing technologies, so it can be used for an absolutely massive range of different tasks.

Diveroid — universal smartphone case for diving

If you’re going on a vacation and plan to do some diving or snorkeling while you’re there, chances are you probably want to take some pictures in the water. For most people, this means you’ll get a special waterproof case for your phone, use it once or twice, and then toss it out a year later when you get a new phone. Diveroid offers a more sustainable alternative. It’s a universal diving case that’ll work with any smartphone — even the one you might own a few years from now.

Diple — 1000x smartphone microscope

Smartphone microscopes aren’t exactly a new idea at this point, but this one is slightly different than the ones out there right now. Diple, as it’s called, is capable of 1,000x magnification. Functionally speaking that means it’s powerful enough to let you look at individual bacteriums, blood cells, and more — all through your big, bright smartphone screen. You can even pinch and zoom to make the image bigger or smaller. Pretty neat, right?

Bullet SSD — keychain-sized SSD

You know that tattered old USB drive you probably keep on your keychain right now? Imagine if it was smaller, faster, tougher, and had way more storage space. That’s pretty much what the Bullet SSD is. It’s a tiny storage device that, in addition to boasting up to 2TB of storage space, is also IP67 certified — meaning it’s water resistant and dust proof. It’s also encased in metal, so it’ll survive being tossed around for years to come.

December 2

Unocup — lid-equipped paper cup

Disposable, single use paper cups aren’t all that bad for the environment — but the plastic lids that accompany them? They’re not so great. So, as part of the ongoing movement to phase out single use plastic, a startup called Unocup has developed a solution: a cleverly designed paper cup that, thanks to its unique shape, is capable of folding up to create a lid. It basically eliminates the need to top your coffee (or whatever) with a piece of plastic you’ll only use once.

Hyper minimal calendar — redesigned full-year calendar

This is the most low-tech entry on this week’s picks, but it’s just too clever to skip. It’s a full-year calendar with a very practical and human-centric layout. Instead of displaying each month via a series of weeks that don’t line up nicely, months are broken up into four five-day weeks, with two-day weekends between them. Additionally, the first and last days of each month are underlined, so you can easily spot when one month ends and another begins.

Artiphon Orba — palm-sized multi-instrument

Artiphon broke onto the scene a couple years ago when it released the Instrument — a vaguely guitar-shaped electronic musical instrument that allowed users to play practically any sound imaginable via the familiar form of a guitar neck. It was a huge hit, and now the company is back with yet another electronic instrument dubbed Orba. This one is basically the same idea, but squeezed into a much smaller, more open-ended form factor.

Climate neutral certified — environmental product certification

You know how certain things in the grocery store are labeled as “certified organic” or “cage free” or “non-GMO”? In order to get those labels, the company has to actually get certified by an independent organization that verifies the company’s product meets certain standards. Climate Neutral certification is a new one to add to the mix — but instead of signaling that a given product or service is gluten free or non-GMO, it shows that the company behind the product has actively taken steps to offset the carbon impact of its operation. Pretty neat!

Ever Ratchet — ratcheting EDC tool

EDC tools are a dime a dozen on crowdfunding sites like Kickstarter and Indiegogo, but this one is arguably one of the best I’ve seen. Thanks to an exceptionally clever design, it’s equipped with a ratcheting screwdriver/wrench setup — which means you don’t have to spin it in a full circle to tighten a bolt or screw a screw. And of course, it’s got a handful of other features stuffed into the tiny little frame — including a pry bar and a bottle opener.

November 24

Epilog — epilepsy tracking wearable

This thing is brilliant. It’s basically a wearable, battery-powered EEG monitor that tracks your brainwaves throughout the day, beams that information to your smartphone, and then uses algorithms to analyze your brain activity and predict seizures. Obviously, it’s not a mass-market device designed for everyone — it’s specifically built to help people with epilepsy. Still, it’s an idea worth supporting even if you don’t have the condition.

Ebo — robotic cat toy

I’ve seen a LOT of so-called “smart” cat toys on Kickstarter and Indiegogo over the years, but this might be the most advanced one yet. In addition to standard features like the ability to drive around and encourage your cat to chase, it also has environmental awareness sensors that allow it to map out the room and avoid collisions, a return-to-home function that ensures it’s always charged, and even a built-in camera that allows you to watch as your cat gives chase. It’s nuts!

Mellow Duo — IoT sous vide machine

A few years back, Mello took the cooking world by storm with a groundbreaking idea: an internet-connected sous vide machine that could not only cook your food, but also keep it cool until you were ready to cook. That way, you could dunk a steak in the cooking chamber before you leave for work, keep it cool all day, and then tap a button on your phone to start cooking before you got home. It was nothing short of brilliant, and now they company is back with a bigger, badder version with two cooking chambers. That means you can cook two separate dishes at two separate temperatures, but have them come out at the same time. Genius!

Seesense Air — advanced bike tracker

Trackers and other anti-theft devices for bicycles are a dime a dozen these days, but this one is different. Unlike most existing trackers (which either rely on cellular/GPS connections that comes with a monthly subscription fee, or weird proprietary networks that only work if everyone around you has the exact same tracker app), this one communicates with your phone via Narrowband IoT, which basically allows it to work like apple’s Find My iPhone utility, but without any subscriptions or service costs.

Segway dirt ebike — electric dirt bike

This one hasn’t actually launched yet, so we don’t know a lot about it — but based on the video footage available and the photos on the preview page, I think it’s pretty safe to assume that this thing is going to be awesome. It’s certainly not the first electric dirt bike that’s ever been made, but the fact that it’s from Segway, one of the best rideable tech manufacturers in the world, is exciting. Fingers crossed they sell it for an affordable price!

November 17

Rumpl x Loki — travel dog bed

If you need a sleeping pad for your dog, you can find one quite easily online. Just head over to Amazon and you’ll discover no shortage of pads, bags, and other sleeping solutions designed to keep your furry friend comfy. However, if you intend to take your dog along on a trip, then you’ll likely have a bit more trouble finding a suitable canine sleeping pad. The issue is that very few (if any) dog sleeping systems are designed to be compact and portable. They’re typically made with thick padding that doesn’t compress very easily, so they don’t fit nicely into a backpack. Rumpl decided to change that.

HomeBiogas — backyard biodigester

Believe it or not, somewhere around 40 percent of all the food produced in the U.S. is wasted. We put all kinds of time and energy into producing it, but we still end up throwing a huge amount of it away and sending it off to a landfill. It’s incredibly wasteful, but the folks behind HomeBiogas have a solution. Their cleverly designed biodigester (now in its 3rd generation) allows you to collect pretty much anything that’s biodegradable — dining room scraps, meat, grease, oil, eggshells, grass clippings, and even small sticks or bits of wood — and use bacteria to transform it into cooking gas and liquid fertilizer. Pretty awesome, right?

Hyperjuice — 100W GAN charger block

Charger bricks are probably the least sexy technology of all time, but this one is actually pretty sweet. Despite being no bigger than a standard deck of cards, the Hyperjuice charger, as it’s called, is capable of channeling over 100W of power, and juicing up four devices at once. Thanks to the magical material known as gallium nitride, two of the brick’s USB-A ports support the latest quick-charging standard, and can therefore funnel power to your devices at a blistering pace. The only downside? It’ll cost you $70 bucks. That’s pretty steep for a wall charging station.

Zipbag — reusable food storage bag

As the movement to cut down on single-use plastic continues to pick up steam, there are dozens of startups clamoring to sell you reusable versions of common single-use items like straws, eating utensils, shopping bags, and even Q-tips. The latest piece of plastic in the crosshairs? Ziploc bags. You can already find silicon versions on Amazon for a few bucks, but this one from Twopillars takes things to a whole new level. It’s got a storage pouch, reusable utensils you can tuck inside, a reusable label, and best of all, a lifetime warranty. Get this thing and you’ll legitimately never have to buy storage bags ever again.

Tempest — advanced personal weather station

Home weather stations have been around for decades at this point, but Tempest might be the most advanced one yet. It measures just about everything you could ever imagine. Seriously. It’s not just the basic stuff like rain, temperature, and barometric pressure — it measures all that stuff and more using a variety of different methods, thereby giving you the most complete set of real-time weather data possible. Amazingly, it does all this without any moving parts, and also without wires. It’s 100% solar-powered and can transmit information via Wi-Fi to a base station in your house. It even shares all this data with the National Weather Service so it can make more accurate predictions for the general forecast. Pretty neat stuff!

November 10

Focusbuds — productivity-boosting earbuds

At any given moment, there are approximately a zillion things competing for your attention. With all the messages, alerts, emails, and notifications that bombard us throughout the day, it’s increasingly difficult to focus on anything for an extended period of time. That’s exactly what Focusbuds aim to fix. According to their creators, Focusbuds monitor users’ concentration levels using a process called electroencephalogram (EEG) neurofeedback. This is achieved by using embedded sensors capable of capturing this brain activity and proprietary software that analyzes it. The resulting data insights are then conveyed in real-time to the user via audio cues. In doing so, the promise is that the earbuds will help train your brain to concentrate and block out distractions over time.

Castaway — second screen for smartphones

Do you need a second screen for your smartphone? Probably not, but somebody made one anyway. It’s pretty straightforward. The Castaway, as it’s called, is basically a tiny chromium tablet that’s tucked into a smartphone case. Put your phone in the case, and it’ll be linked to the tablet, thereby allowing you to use two apps at the same time.

Fourneau Grande — artisan bread oven

Unfortunately, it’s damn near impossible to make bakery-quality bread in a standard kitchen oven — unless of course, you use something like Fourneau. It’s basically like a souped-up Dutch oven that creates the perfect environment for you to make artisan bread at home. This new version, the Fourneau Grande, is a larger version of the original, which gives you space to make specialty loaves that are longer, bigger, or oddly shaped.

The Big Sphere — Milky Way desk ornament

In 2016, designer Clemens Steffin launched his ‘Universe in a Sphere’ project on Kickstarter, creating a glass orb containing 380,000 perfectly lasered dots, each one representing an entire galaxy. His next project then aimed to re-create just our very own galaxy, the Milky Way, with every dot representing a different star. Now he’s back with a bigger version of that idea, and it’s even more painstakingly detailed than before!

Snowfeet 2 — skates for snow

Here’s DT’s Kraig Becker with the scoop: “At first glance, Snowfeet look an awful lot like a pair of sandals on steroids. Upon closer inspection, however, you’ll soon notice that Snowfeet’s straps look a lot more like a ski binding than anything you’ve ever seen on a flip-flop. Those bindings allow Snowfeet to accommodate any type of shoe or boot, then contract down to hold the footwear squarely in place. Once attached, Snowfeet are effectively skates that you can use on snow.” Sounds pretty awesome, right?

November 3

Gosun Flatware — flat-pack reusable utensils

As the movement to cut down on single-use plastic continues to pick up steam, there are dozens of startups clamoring to sell you collapsible/reusable straws and eating utensils — especially on Kickstarter. However, while these products are undeniably useful, they also aren’t particularly convenient. You have to remember to bring them along wherever you go in order for them to be useful. That’s what makes GoSun’s new reusable utensils so neat. They’re designed to pack up into a wallet-sized carrying case, so you can easily slip them inside a purse or wallet and have them with you at all times.

Ember — heated midlayer

Earlier in 2019, up-and-coming outdoor gear startup Sierra Madre launched a Kickstarter to fund the development of an innovative new insulated stuff sack called the Hot Pocket. To bring that product to life, the company developed a cutting-edge thermal panel that’s both lightweight and highly efficient — and now it wants to bake that same technology into a heated midlayer. The Ember, as it’s called is allegedly “10X more powerful than its competitors.” If that claim holds up, it’ll be well worth the $259 its currently going for on Kickstarter.

Pillowdy — hoodie with inflatable neck pillow

Neck pillows have been a staple for air travelers for decades — but why do we only use them when we’re flying? Wouldn’t it be nice if you could have one at your disposal wherever you went, so you could catch a quick nap on the bus home? That’s precisely the idea behind Pillowdy. It’s a hoodie with a hidden inflatable neck pillow built into the hood. Whenever you need a quick siesta, just bust out the stowable blow tube and give it a couple of puffs. With less than a lungful of air, your neck pillow will spring to life and provide a place to rest your head.

Square off Neo — automatic chessboard

Here’s a quick cut from our full article, which ran earlier in the week: “Measuring 14.72 inches by 14.72 inches and weighing just 3.3 pounds, the Neo is designed to be a cheaper entryway to Square Off’s smart chess experience. It’s controlled through an app on your phone, which connects to the board via a Bluetooth connection. From there, you can play against Square Off’s built-in A.I. with 30 different difficulty levels. You don’t just have to play against the computer though — the app also connects you to a world of real opponents. Send a challenge and the board handles the rest, transmitting your moves to their chessboard, while theirs are sent to yours.”

Owly Pack — modular backpack

Modular backpacks aren’t necessarily a new thing at this point, but Owly Pack seems pretty remarkable. Thanks to its unique set of swappable modules, you can easily add or remove features as necessary to build out the perfect pack for your particular adventure. For example, if you’re going on a quick and easy day hike and want to keep some drinks cold, you can zip in the cooler module. If you plan on camping where you’re headed, there’s a shelter module that contains a tent/hammock hybrid. And best of all? It’s completely waterproof to boot.

Editor's recommendations

[gin-tastic-gem-blog]

My story-

Narrated by Meth

When we met last year, She didn't think twice

Despite what you hear, still wanted to try ice 

Once was just once till we met one month later,

This time was different, significant, my grip was much greater

It made her feel thin

It made her feel good,

She felt all the confidence

She never thought she could

She kept me a secret from her lover,  too ashamed to admit 

That she came crawling back to me asking

Can I please have one more hit?

Then one night she told him her secret in bed

She asked "Will you still love me after what I just said?"

He was understanding, his response was just right 

But with 18 months clean he couldn't help worry when he kissed her goodnight 

After her guilt trip confession, she said "I've learned my lesson"

That is until she craved me, and began second guessing

She thought she got rid of me once and for all,

I laughed at the cute couple, soon they'd both fall 

She asked for more of me again, Just as I expected

Now hes mine too, sweetheart, just one time we connected

It made him feel smart

It made him feel good

I touched his whole body

In ways she never could

At first they had fun, in 2 years not one fight

Opening up to each other telling secrets all night 

As time passed by, They fell deep in their addiction 

Things just got worse, Their love now affliction 

Any day soon, She'll start to get tired 

Of who he's becoming, today he got fired

And how can I leave out- this details a must

He cheated on her too, a few times, say bye bye to trust

Then they both lost self worth, when his son went away

To live with his aunt just before his 6th birthday

Now is when the real fighting began, screaming and physical blows

Each time more violent, their house never silent, all the neighbors know

It made her feel thin

It made him feel good

It made them do things,

They said they never would 

Rehab delayed, a check in the mail 

Soon they'd be stealing for me, and he'd be in jail

As the story goes on, things take a turn 

When entering rehab she's pregnant, she learns

She cried in the bathroom unable to breathe 

She paused and made a choice to walk out and leave

With this new information they put forth a good try

To break free from my grip, but in three days they'd slip

She missed feeling thin

She didn't feel good

And still got high pregnant 

She said she never would

Today she screams "I'm done!" again her bags are packed,

This fight would change things, from the way that he'd react

She instingates a fight, pushing his buttons more

Now he sees red, shes thrashing as he pushes her facedown to the floor

She cries in pain, as she sees her reflection 

Her face is blood stained, two large imperfections

That day they lost hope 

With tempers and dope, of course that would happen

Resentments grew and fights did too, he'd push her down, shed slap him

She woke up the next morning and decided that day

She was moving back home, no more delaying

At home her heart aches, She cries as she thinks 

Why did I leave, I made a mistake

A few minutes go by and shes on the freeway,

Back to the house, she cant stay away

Drama and chaos, setups and drug raids, 

she said this would happen and his fate would be made

Now 3 months to go, her belly is bigger 

She's still getting high as her regrets grow quicker

Until one night, a horrible fight escalates violently 

Ends with his hands on her throut underneath him silently 

In a panic she breaks free and runs, trying to understand

How things got this bad, Did she forget who I am? 

Now back into rehab, he's back in jail 

She cant help but save him, as she's paying his bail 

For the first time in months they're free from my grip 

But I'll be there to trip you and you'll swear you just slipped

Don't think you're safe when my memory fades

I'm tempting and patient, no need to persuade 

Right back where they left things; Drugs, fights and tears

He's stealing, shes yelling, from the sidelines I cheer 

I have you where I want you now, you thought that you were free?

I'll ruin your life, your body, your mind and steal your family

I hope you both have learned one thing

Don't test my strength and power. 

Because of me you'll lose all worth

And now you missed your daughters birth 

From jail sending paper flowers 

Shes alone and her heart is broken, 

Her only relief is to inhale smoke in 

After countless times the baby being woken 

So my job is done, admit it I won, and if we meet again

I'll pull you in and spit you out so fast your head will spin

Good luck to you, but its not goodbye

I'm not very worried, you ask  me why? 

My name is Meth, and though you hate me

You'll dance with death,  run right back to date me.

So talk to you soon, it may take time, but deep down, you know you cant deny 

I'm always been there for you, and when I see you next

We'll do it all over again, O's and X

I'll make you get thin, and feel everything good. 

I'll steal you away, I told you I would